#needle au 13

[leedee013]

Needle AU !!!!! Also i love jean being very picky about who is allowed to stab him

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Andrew's warning echoed in Jean's mind as he slowly resumed walking. He didn't dare go back to his apartment as long as Riko insisted on following him, which seemed to be the case. He also got the sense that it would be difficult to shake Riko from him, which was a shame since it was getting late and he hadn't eaten dinner yet.

"Jean." The name rolled off Riko's tongue with surprising ease, even if it wasn't a perfect pronunciation. It was leagues ahead in comparison to how Seth had said it at least. "Tell me a bit about yourself, Jean," Riko said as he fell into step alongside Jean.

"There's not much to tell," he answered. It was a practiced, polished, and perfected response that was further emphasized with a small shrug. "It's quite boring."

"You know, when someone tries to conceal their past, it usually means the opposite is true," Riko said, cocking an eyebrow at Jean. "Everyone has a story to tell, and something tells me that you have a particularly interesting one."

MASTERPOST

[elliesbelle]

nobody compares to you

chapter 13

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, dealer!ellie, mentions of marijuana and descriptions of its usage, descriptions of anaphylactic shock, brief mention of needles, descriptions of anxiety, mentions of death, descriptions of jealousy, mentions of breakups, several flashback scenes, mentions of LSD and its usage, descriptions of acid tripping, ellie's POV, minors do not interact

word count: 9k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-if if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

songs featured in this chapter (including a surprise audio AND drawing commission in the middle of the fic):

the aaron taylor song “i think i love you again”

the carpenters song “merry christmas darling”

palestine will be free

“Where the fuck even are you?” 

“Not home.” 

“Well, no shit. I’m literally sitting on your living room couch, dumbass.” 

“Get out of my apartment, weirdo.” 

“Stop procrastinating, asshole.” 

Ellie rolls her eyes as a couple of bright yellow leaves slowly dance down on the pavement from the nearby trees on her path home. One hand holds her phone up in front of her with Dina’s face front and center on the screen through FaceTime. 

Having just dropped off a rather large order to a couple of stoner sophomores living on campus, Ellie’d decided to take the longer, more scenic route home instead of the usual way she’d go every day. She had a “date” lined up with Daniela in about an hour or so, a meeting she wasn’t particularly looking forward to being present for. Having no real enthusiasm to actually be on time to meet up with her, Ellie was purposely and leisurely delaying her return home to get ready. 

Dina, busy lounging on the couch in Jesse and Ellie’s living room, busies herself by finishing a bland, microwaveable box of mac and cheese she’d found shoved in the back of the duo’s full freezer. She was casually killing time talking to Ellie through video chat while she waited for Jesse to finish getting ready for their movie date night. 

Jesse enjoyed dragging Dina along to a movie theater in the neighbouring downtown area that showed old and foreign films. Back home in Jackson throughout their childhood, he and Ellie would make Dina sit through old sci-fi pictures, cult horror films, martial arts movies in a completely different language and with no subtitles. Dina would sit in the middle of the two in complete boredom as she listened to them psychoanalyzing background characters who had two lines and spending hours explaining their personal interpretations of a single camera angle in some inconsequential scene. 

When they all began attending university, Jesse was over the moon upon discovering the nearby theater and the kind of films they would show. Dina complained every single time, but she secretly enjoyed these date nights regardless, always arguing with Jesse on the way home with her own analyses of the movie they’d just seen. She was a little less enthusiastic this time, however, upon hearing that the film they were about to go see was an early 2000s Bollywood movie that had a running time of nearly four hours. 

Jesse had just gotten home from working out at the gym and was busy showering, and Dina decided to preoccupy herself in the meantime by thoroughly berating Ellie for her disinterest and voluntary tardiness for her “date” later that evening. 

“El, I really don’t understand why you’re even bothering with her,” Dina says after a huge, wet slurp of her mac and cheese. “Leave that poor freshman girl alone. You really don’t even seem to like her that much.” 

“She’s still got Joel’s jacket and I want it back.” Ellie shrugs nonchalantly. 

“Maybe if you didn’t pass that shabby old thing around to every new girl you see for a month…” Dina replies, not bothering to mutter under her breath. 

“Oh, leave me the fuck alone, Woodward,” Ellie says, chuckling. “Slutshamer.” 

Jesse jaunts into the living room, jet black hair damp from the shower and fully dressed, and spots Ellie’s face on Dina’s tiny screen. He waltzes towards the couch and, without any warning, stealthily snatches Dina’s phone right out of her hand. 

“Hey!” Dina protests indignantly, trying to reach for it back. 

Jesse ignores her as Ellie laughs. 

“Yo, what the fuck, Williams.” Jesse scolds the auburn-haired girl. 

“Wassup, Chang.” 

“What the hell did you ditch me and the gym for earlier? Today’s our cardio day.” 

“Had a huge delivery I needed to make,” Ellie shrugs. “Wanted two 40 bags on top of a few lavender pre-rolls. And they lived on the opposite side of campus.” 

“A likely excuse,” Jesse scoffs. “I think you’ve been harbouring a secret, years-long grudge against me and actually hate me for some reason.” 

“Oh, it’s not a secret. I do hate you.” 

“Dickhead.” Jesse chuckles as Dina heartily laughs behind him with a mouthful of mac and cheese. 

Before Jesse can continue to berate his best friend, his own phone rings noisily from the inside of one of his jeans pockets. 

“Oh, look. Someone who actually loves and appreciates me.” He says indignantly, handing small-scale Ellie back to Dina. 

Ellie playfully rolls her eyes, trying to ignore the fact that Jesse’s phone is currently buzzing and blaring with the personalized ringtone he’d set for your contact years ago shortly after you’d all met for the first time. 

Dina, recognizing the familiar sound as well and noticing Ellie’s tight lips and rigid expression, quickly attempts to change the subject. 

“So where exactly are you gonna be meeting up with the Daniela girl?” Dina quickly asks Ellie at the same time that Jesse booms, “Good evening once again to my absolute favourite person in the whole world!” 

Ellie hesitantly begins to reply to Dina but cuts off almost immediately when she hears Jesse’s tone turn serious and mutter a name she’d come to despise. 

“Oh. Hey, Anderson. What’s up?” Jesse says blankly. “Where’s—” 

“Oh, shit.” Dina inadvertently murmurs as Ellie’s face immediately goes red with fury. 

“Why the fuck is Anderson calling Jesse on her phone?” Ellie demands quietly of Dina. 

“I mean… she is on a date with her tonight…” Dina reluctantly admits, knowing that lying to Ellie about your current whereabouts is pointless after figuring Jesse would eventually blab it to her anyway. 

“Are you fucking serious?” Ellie seethes. 

“I don’t really know why she’d be calling Jesse, though. That doesn’t make any sense...” Dina says, setting down her fork and turning her head back towards her boyfriend as Ellie watches intently him from the corner of Dina’s phone screen. 

Both girls stare Jesse down as he intently listens to the other end of the line, the two getting more and more nervous as his face gets stonier as each second passes. When he finally speaks, his voice is grave and urgent. 

“Is she breathing?” 

“What?” Both Dina and Ellie simultaneously say in distress, which Jesse ignores. 

“What did she eat?” He asks Abby. 

“What’s going on?” Dina implores of him fearfully, sitting up straighter in her seat and completely abandoning her partially eaten mac and cheese on the coffee table. 

Jesse holds up a pointer finger as an indication that he needs to keep listening as Ellie hushes her sternly, fiercely trying to eavesdrop on Jesse’s conversation. 

“Okay. What did you eat?” Jesse questions. 

The way Jesse’s face falls elicits a sharply drawn breath from Dina and drains all the colour from Ellie’s face. 

“Did she have any?” He asks. 

While Jesse listens for Abby’s lengthy response, Ellie quickly averts her eyes back to Dina. 

“Dina.” She says hastily. “Where did Anderson take her tonight?” 

“Orchards. It’s that fancy restaurant that’s like, right by here.” 

“I know. They serve a lot of seafood there, right?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Do you think Anderson ordered any?” 

“El, how am I supposed to know that?” 

“Well, does Anderson know that she’s deadly fucking allergic to shellfish? That she can’t even fucking touch that shit?” 

Dina’s terrified face suddenly goes completely pale before she responds. 

“I-I don’t know...” 

“Does she have any pockets or some kind of bag with her?” They hear Jesse say. “See if she has her EpiPen in there.” 

“E-El… I don’t think she does.” Dina stammers.” I helped her get dressed tonight and I saw her before she left, and I-I don’t think—” 

Ellie nearly drops her phone on the pavement from how clammy her hands have become from complete fear. When she hears Jesse fiercely mutter a furious “fuck,” she immediately breaks into a sprint. 

“Dina!” Ellie demands. “Give me back to Jesse! Now!” Dina hastily hands her phone to her petrified boyfriend without question as he quickly asks Abby to stay calm and give him a quick second. 

“Jess!” Ellie breathlessly yells, not bothering to keep her voice down and without any concern for the fellow students she was alarming as she ran by. “Go to my room right now and search in the bottom drawer of my desk!!!” 

Promptly and silently, Jesse darts in the direction of Ellie’s bedroom with Dina following closely behind him. 

“There’s an old EpiPen of hers somewhere in there! I think it’s probably a couple of months expired now, but grab it anyway!” 

Jesse and Dina unceremoniously bust into Ellie’s bedroom and follow her instructions precisely. After forcibly yanking open the bottom-most drawer of her computer desk, they begin to desperately rifle through it. After a few seconds of frantic ransacking through its miscellaneous contents, Jesse pulls out a thick, plastic cylindrical object with tiny lettering embellished all over the translucent plastic. 

“Look for the little slot on the side of it that shows you some liquid-y shit inside!” Ellie presses him. “Is it still completely clear and clean, or is it all brown and murky?” 

“It’s clear.” Jesse replies after quickly inspecting the EpiPen. 

“Okay, go!” Ellie orders. “Dina’s gonna call 911 right now! Orchards is right around the corner from our place, so run! Inject the needle on the outside of her thigh! And check her pulse and see if she’s breathing, ‘cause you’ll need to do CPR if she isn’t! Paramedics probably won’t get there for another five minutes or so, so you just gotta keep doing chest compressions until they can get there!” 

Jesse nods and immediately sprints out of the room after handing Dina her phone, placing his own back to his ear and quickly informing Abby that he’d be there shortly, firmly asking her to check your pulse. 

Dina sets her eyes on Ellie, pure terror engraved on her face. 

“Ellie, s-shouldn’t we grab the EpiPen she has now in her apartment? I think I know where it is, probably. Isn’t that safer than—”

“Her apartment is fifteen minutes away from that restaurant and Jesse can get there in two! We can’t waste any more time!” Ellie clarifies quickly. “Now, I need you to hang up right away and call 911 and explain everything that’s just happened! Go!” 

Ellie doesn’t bother waiting for Dina to end the call and roughly taps on the red button herself. 

She shoves her phone into the pocket of her hoodie and quickens her pace. 

Her lungs winded and her heart threatening to beat out of her chest, she couldn't seem to care any less about her own breathing at that very moment. She trusts nothing else but her own feet to get her exactly where she desperately needs to be. She sees nothing and no one else but the pavement directly in front of her, cutting across the university’s campus through the fastest route she can think of in the moment. 

Despite never having been a religious person in any way, Ellie begins to plead a desperate prayer in her mind to whatever god or deity that could possibly exist that you were still breathing somehow and that Jesse had found you and gotten there in time. 

She takes a moment to pull her phone out and check how long it’s been since she ended the FaceTime call with Dina, seeing that a little less than five minutes had just passed. She considers calling her once more for any updates; but not wanting to risk being a possible distraction in case Dina is needed in the moment, she ultimately decides against doing so and instead wills her feet to move faster. 

Unwelcome thoughts begin to involuntarily flood Ellie’s mind as she sprints. 

She thinks of the last time you’d seen each other: that night of your heart-to-heart dinner with Jesse at Sterling’s. It felt almost fated for her and Dina to walk into the same restaurant at the same time that the two of you had been meeting. Ellie recalls the identical look of dismay on both of your faces, equally overwhelmed at the sight of one another. She can still feel the angry yet doleful tears that fell down her red cheeks as she stormed away from the diner, threatening to expose endless repressed feelings of remorse and heartache. 

She remembers the day she saw your sudden reunion with Abby Anderson, you dressed in that beautiful floral sundress and very obviously flirting with the tall, muscular blonde. Her nails were so angrily digging into her palms at the sight of you two that she can still feel the phantom marks that had nearly drawn blood. She’d nearly frightened Dina, who was lounging on the living room couch with a joint in hand, when she busted into her and Jesse’s apartment with immediate choice words that were aroused by her unbridled anger. 

She recalls the last time you’d actually spoken to one other directly after that miserable, unfortunate night of the Sigma Eta party, how taken aback she was at how you were still so undeniably beautiful underneath the pale moonlight. Having been sitting on the hood of her Jeep while she watched in amusement at your futile attempts to keep yourself warm, she thinks of the way your eyes were furiously and desperately trying to avoid her piercing ocean green gaze. The memory of the angry, fleeting look you’d given Daniela when you’d obviously noticed Joel’s old motorcycle jacket resting on her shoulders is one she can never forget; nor could she the air of raw, bitter indignation that radiated off you at the sight of one of your signature lavender joints nestled in between Daniela’s lips. 

She can still feel the visceral rage that sparked inside her from Frat Guy Adam’s casual cruelty towards you, followed by feelings of heartbreak at watching the way your face had fallen at his words. The sheer remorse from pathetically having done nothing right when it happened still weighs on her. Ellie can never forget the simultaneous feelings of shame and comfort she’d felt after your heated encounter with her in the bathroom of Sterling’s: shame from being forcibly confronted with a reminder of the deepest regret of her whole life; and comfort at finally being able to see with her own ocean green eyes, after so long, the face of a person she once adored more than she did anyone else in the world. 

Maybe even still. 

Ellie eventually finds herself at the intersection right where her shared apartment with Jesse is located. Her hasty pursuit is frustratingly impeded when she’s stopped by the angry, glowing red hand at the crosswalk she needs to get past to reach Orchards, cars endlessly coming one after the other. For a few moments, she’s at least able to catch a much-needed, painful breath.

While she bounces up and down on her feet in impatience, very seriously contemplating running across anyway and risking being hit by a speeding car, Ellie thinks of one thing and one thing only: the first moment her eyes met yours all those years ago. The moment when she knew, deep down and instinctively, that everything had changed. 

She’s brutally broken out of her brief reverie by the blaring of sirens booming from around the corner. Her head immediately shoots towards the sound and she watches as two ambulances with flashing red and white lights speed down the road and towards what she believes is the direction of the nearest emergency room. 

Ellie wastes no time bolting down the crosswalk the millisecond that the orange pedestrian signal finally blinks to white, sprinting down the street of Orchards. She’s somehow able to spot Dina’s figure in the middle of a small crowd of people gathered next to the restaurant and immediately sprints towards her. By the time Ellie is able to reach her, most of the unfamiliar bystanders have dispersed with whispers. Her heart races as she sees Dina’s cheeks wet and dripping endlessly with tears. 

“Dina!” Ellie huffs, using the last of her breath and energy to dash to her side. 

“Ellie!” Dina sighs in relief upon spotting her friend. 

They envelop each other in a tight embrace, Dina hiccuping slightly into Ellie’s shoulder. 

“What happened? Did you guys make it in time? Is she okay? Where is she? Where’s Jesse?” Ellie rambles. 

“Sh-she’s okay, I think,” Dina stammers. “She was breathing when Jesse got here, but her pulse was really slow. The paramedics got here a few minutes after Jesse did.” 

She sloppily wipes her eyes with the back of her hands before continuing. 

“They said that the EpiPen probably saved her life, said that she would have had a lot less of a chance if we had just waited for them to arrive. Expired EpiPen was apparently better than nothing, as long as it wasn’t too far off from when it did expire.” 

Ellie takes a relieved breath in at hearing this. 

“Thank god. Thank fucking god. That’s what I thought, but I-I honestly wasn’t sure. I couldn’t remember clearly in the moment.” 

“How did you even know that?” Dina asks her in genuine curiosity. 

“I-I… wh-when we were, you know, t-together…” Ellie mutters awkwardly. “I made sure to know, j-just in case.” 

“Oh, Ellie…” 

Ellie wrings her hands together and clears her throat in embarrassment. 

“So where’s Jess? Where’s Anderson?” She asks, changing the subject and voice dripping in disdain at the last word. 

“Jesse rode in the ambulance with her and the paramedics, and Abby said that she’d follow behind in her car,” Dina replies. “I stayed behind ‘cause I figured you were on your way and I wanted to be able to tell you what happened in person.” 

“Thank you, D, seriously.” 

Dina stares at Ellie earnestly for a moment. 

“You really do still love her.” Dina says, not as a question but as a statement. 

Ellie doesn’t respond to this remark, her lips tight and her ocean green eyes unreadable. 

“Come on. Let’s go see her.” 

You had been brought to St. Peter’s Hospital, the closest one located to your university. When Ellie and Dina had gotten there, they found Jesse sitting alone in the mostly empty waiting room. He was staring up at the dreary off-white ceiling, his left leg nervously bouncing up and down as one of his hands gripped his right knee. When he spots the two girls enter the room, he immediately jumps out of his seat to meet them. He pulls his girlfriend into a tight embrace and gives her a tender kiss on the forehead, and then he places a firm and reassuring hand on his best friend’s shoulder. 

“How is she?” Ellie asks nervously. 

“Unconcious still, but she’s alive,” Jesse replies somberly. “The paramedics in the ambulance told me that they were pumping her full of adrenaline; and so now, they’re either still doing that or they’re just trying to get her heart rate back to normal. Apparently, her tongue was so swollen and her throat closed up completely, so they’ve got to reopen her airways ‘cause she’s having a hard time breathing.” 

“Oh, god…” Dina chokes out. 

“Don’t worry, D.” Jesse consoles. “She’s gonna be fine. She’s strong, and we know that. They’re taking care of her, and she’ll hopefully be awake soon.” 

“I know, I know…” Dina sniffles. “It’s really not like me to fall apart like this. But she’s like a sister to me, you know. I mean, she basically is.” 

“Me too, babe. Don’t worry. We all love her too. No need to explain.” Jesse says. 

Dina gives him a soft smile as he gives her another tender forehead kiss. Watching such a small but affectionate scene between the two makes Ellie feel as if she’s intruding on a private moment she shouldn’t be witnessing. Jealousy in the form of a knife in the stomach twists inside her while her heart aches to feel that kind of intimacy. 

“Oh, shit, I should call her uncle,” Dina suddenly realizes, pulling away from Jesse slightly. “I think I still have his number from freshman year. He should know what’s going on.” 

“Good idea.” Jesse agrees. “He’s one of her emergency contacts, but I’m not sure if he knows just yet.” 

“I’ll call the girls too,” She continues, referring to the other girls who lived in the Wilson Valley building with you and Dina during your freshman year. “I know that they’ll also want to know.” 

She pulls her phone out of her pocket before muttering a quick “be right back” and exiting the waiting room. 

Jesse and Ellie watch her walk out silently. After a moment or two, Jesse speaks up. 

“Are you okay, El?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Come on, man. Don’t do that. You know what I mean.” 

“I’m fine, Jess.” 

“Dude.” 

“What?” 

Jesse turns his whole body to face Ellie straight on, crossing his arms against his chest and frowning. 

“You’re completely red in the face, you look the most stressed out than I’ve ever seen you, and you’re here.” 

“So?” Ellie replies stubbornly. 

“Williams.” Jesse stresses sternly. “You know Dina and I saw everything you had in that desk drawer.” 

Ellie says nothing in reply and Jesse continues. 

“You literally still had her old EpiPen from like, two years ago. That entire drawer was full of her shit.” 

Ellie clenches her jaw and balls up her fists. 

“You still have all those old letters she used to write you all the time, all these mementos and knickknacks from when you two were together. You even have Barbie Bear.” Jesse points out. “Do you know that she’s been chewing Dina out nonstop about her for years because she thinks Dina stole her?” 

“Look, she and I just stopped talking to each other all of a sudden before sophomore year. I never had an actual chance to give her all of her shit back—” 

“You literally could have given them to me or Dina or even any of the Wilson girls so we could return them.” 

“Look—” 

“And what about the rest of it? Shit that you didn’t have to actually give back to her? It’s been years. You could have easily thrown it all out.” 

“You don’t understa—” 

“You didn’t even bother leaving all that shit back home in Jackson. You brought it all here with you to keep in our apartment.” 

“I… I—” 

“She could have fucking died tonight, El. And you’re still bullshitting me.” 

“Jesse.” Ellie croaks out through quivering lips and watery eyes. 

“You saved her life. She could have very well been in a worse state right now if it weren’t for you. You told me and Dina what to do. Nobody told you to do any of that. And by the sorry state of you, it looks like you just ran three marathons in a row just to get here and make sure she was okay in person.” 

Tears threaten to flow down from Ellie’s ocean green eyes, and it takes every ounce of strength that she has left in her to will them not to fall. 

“She means so, so much to me and Dina. And to a whole bunch of other people too. When she gets hurt, we feel that shit too.” Jesse says. “I need you to get your motherfucking shit together, Williams. Now.” 

Before Ellie can even form some kind of thought in response to his declaration, Dina suddenly reenters the waiting room. 

“Called her uncle and told him everything I know. He’s currently looking up the first flight out and he’ll hopefully be here sometime tomorrow.” Dina informs the pair as she walks over. “Just got off the phone with Astrid too. Most of the girls are either busy or asleep by now, but she said she’ll let them know too as soon as possible. If she’s awake tomorrow, they’ll try to come by to pay her a visit.” 

“Okay, good.” Jesse nods in response. “Thanks for doing that, D. I was so focused on what’s been going on, and none of that even crossed my mind.” 

“They deserved to know.” Dina smiles sadly before suddenly frowning. “But why did she even go into anaphylactic shock in the first place? They both asked me, but I realized that you never actually told either of us and I didn’t really know what to tell them.” 

“She and Anderson were making out, and Anderson had eaten some seafood bouillabaisse for dinner. Apparently, it had a bunch of chopped-up shrimp in it that she couldn’t see.” Jesse says plainly. 

Dina inadvertently glances at Ellie in slight sympathy, but Jesse looks at her with zero remorse on his face. 

“She didn’t tell Abby that she was really allergic?” Dina asks. 

“Anderson apparently had no idea, said that she wouldn’t have ordered it if she knew in the first place.” Jesse clarified. 

“Anderson should have fucking double-checked re-fucking-gardless.” Ellie angrily interjects. 

“It’s not Abby’s fault, Ellie. There’s no way she could have just known instinctively.” Dina reasons. 

“Doesn’t matter. Isn’t she studying to be a fucking doctor? Isn’t that some basic shit that they teach at med school or whatever? She should have known better.” Ellie seethes. “Where the fuck is she, anyway? I thought she came along.” 

“She went down to the food court for a breather.” Jesse says. 

“Oh, she needs a breather?” Ellie sneers. “Yeah, go ahead and catch your breath when the person you almost killed tonight can’t even fucking breathe—” 

“Ellie!” Dina scolds. 

“Whatever.” Ellie scoffs. 

“El,” Dina suddenly brings up. “Have you talked to Daniela yet?” 

“What about her?” Ellie asks. 

“Weren’t you supposed to meet up with her…” Dina checks the time on her phone. “... almost an hour ago?” 

“So?” 

“Ellie.” 

Ellie clicks her tongue. 

“Fine, let me text her right now that I won’t make it—” She begins to say begrudgingly, but she cuts herself off as someone else enters the waiting room. 

Abby Anderson quietly walks through the door, sipping a plain black coffee from a styrofoam cup. She looks up from her drink and gives Jesse an awkward but polite smile which he respectfully returns along with a nod. 

Ellie’s entire body goes cold with frigid, icy hatred, exacerbated when her furious ocean green eyes suddenly meet with Abby Anderson’s tired sky blue ones. 

“Actually,” Ellie suddenly says. “I’m gonna give her a call and see if she’s still free to meet up tonight. I still want my jacket back.” 

Both Dina and Jesse look as if they’re each about to interject with a response, but Ellie is too quick for either of them to say a word. 

Ellie storms out of the waiting room, not giving a second look at Abby Anderson. 

Ellie throws Joel’s old leather jacket onto her bed, sighing softly. She sheds her sweaty grey hoodie and throws it down next to the jacket before pulling her phone out. She proceeds to call Jesse, but she’s greeted with ten, empty-sounding buzzes before being redirected to his voicemail. She then attempts to call Dina but is greeted with an immediate automated message stating that the call could not be completed. 

Groaning in exasperation, Ellie collapses into her desk chair and roughly kicks off her Converse. After a moment or two, she notices the bottom-most drawer of her desk and the way it’s hanging off the frame precariously. Sighing, she crouches down on the floor and begins to rearrange its previous contents. 

At first, she shoves items back into the drawer at random, but she immediately pauses once her hand grazes across the fur of a pink stuffed animal. 

Barbie Bear. 

She picks up the stuffed animal and stares sadly into its plastic eyes. Noticing that the light pink ribbon around its neck has gotten loose, Ellie delicately attempts to retie it back into a bow. After a couple of lopsided tries, she’s eventually satisfied once she’s able to center the ribbon correctly. She carefully places Barbie Bear back into the drawer before returning to restore its contents with more consideration. 

After replacing a few pairs of old earrings of yours into a small box, she picks up a stack of old letters that she’d tied together with a piece of brown twine. Ellie resists the urge to go through each of them, but when she notices that one had fallen out of the stack and is now lying on the floor, her willpower dwindles almost instantly. 

Ellie picks up the envelope gingerly, almost as if she’s afraid that her touch will cause it to burst into flames. She reads her name on the front written with green ink and flips it over to where the flap of the envelope is torn open. She runs her fingers over the wax seal that had secured the letter inside: the design of Saturn amongst several stars. Nervously, she slips the card out from inside and unfolds it to reveal your handwriting. 

Dear Ellie, 

It is currently 4:27 A.M. and I can’t sleep, and for some reason, I can’t stop watching that story you posted on Instagram earlier over and over. The one of you singing and playing your electric guitar to that Aaron Taylor song. Not to be gay as fuck, but it is so easy to get lost in the sound of your voice. Also, I really like your lips. And your hands. 

I know I said this yesterday already, but you’ve been overworking yourself way too much lately. I’m glad that you’ve been putting a lot of effort into your schoolwork, but have you eaten? When was the last time you had a full meal (microwaveable ramen does not count)? Have you been taking any time for yourself? It’s really sweet that you still make time to come hang out with me most days, but you need some you time too, you know. 

Not that I don’t love seeing your goofy face all the time. I don’t know, I think me writing all that out is me casually acknowledging that I have attachment issues and attempting to work on it. Oh, well. I’m pretty attached to you, fucking dork. 

Okay, heading to bed now. Hopefully, I’ll actually be able to fall asleep this time. But hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow (I know I just said that you need to take more time for yourself, but shut up). You’re always the best part of my day. 

Ellie can’t seem to let herself read the final piece of the letter, the part where you’d signed your name. 

She delicately folds the card once more and places it back into its envelope. Turning it over in her hand and tenderly running her fingers over where you’d addressed her name, she wonders if your handwriting is still the same as it was all those years ago. 

Reluctantly, Ellie tucks the letter back into the stack before tying them all securely together once more. 

Earlier That Evening 

Ellie was fifty-two minutes late to her supposed “date” with Daniela. This was Ellie’s third failed attempt at reacquiring Joel’s old motorcycle jacket, and they had previously decided to meet up outside the coffee shop on campus where Daniela recently started working after the end of her shift. 

But after Ellie’s unexplained absence from their meeting, Daniela bitterly stormed back home to her dorm. She had half a mind to say no when Ellie called her with a half-assed explanation and asked if she could come over to retrieve her jacket. But after giving in, Ellie arrived at her dorm room within half an hour. 

It wasn’t a total shock to Ellie when she was greeted with a look of annoyance when Daniela opened the door for her. Ellie attempted to feign a guilty expression, but all that she could muster was an indifferent grimace. Daniela said nothing as she silently beckoned Ellie to follow her and come in, an AirPod playing music loudly in one ear. 

Ellie took a quick glance around the place, never having actually been inside Daniela’s room before. The twin-size beds, old wooden dressers, and scuffed-up desks were an all-too-familiar sight for Ellie, having gone through the same torturous experience herself only a couple of years back in her freshman year. But a few things were different as Daniela and her roommate had attempted to really personalize their living area. Ellie tried not to make a face of repulsion when spotting a few Taylor Swift concert posters above one of the desks. 

Daniela plopped onto, what Ellie had assumed was, her bed but made no gesture that welcomed Ellie to do the same. She merely stared at her passively as Ellie tried to avoid looking her directly in the eye. 

“You’re an hour late.” Daniela pointed out. 

“Only fifty-two minutes late.” Ellie attempted to joke. 

Daniela only hummed in response, unsmiling. She picked up a faded brown jacket that was sitting on top of her pillow by the collar and handed it over to Ellie. 

“Thanks,” Ellie muttered, tucking the jacket under her arm. “Uh, thanks a lot for looking after it. Needed it back ‘cause it’s really my dad’s old jacket.” 

“Oh, sorry. I would have given it back sooner if I knew that.” Daniela replied, not sounding the least bit sorry. 

“It’s okay.” Ellie mumbled awkwardly. 

There was an uncomfortable moment or two of complete silence where Daniela continued to merely gaze at Ellie, unwavering and unapologetic, while Ellie focused her eyes on her Converse as she wrung her hands together. 

“Hey, look…” Ellie eventually spoke up. “I really am sorry about being late. I just had a really important emergency that I had to deal with.” 

“It’s fine,” Daniela replied remorselessly. “Tara told me that you suddenly had to deal with some shit.” 

“Wait, what?” 

“Tara. Tara Maclay. She works with me at Ruston.” 

“Oh, right.” 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“Your ex-girlfriend, right?” Daniela asks unexpectedly. 

“What?” 

“Your ex-girlfriend. The shit you had to deal with tonight.” 

“Oh, uh…” 

“No point in lying, Ellie.” Daniela shrugged. “Tara already told me the gist.” 

“Oh. What did she say exactly?” 

“Not much. Said that you needed to help deal with something for someone you both know. She didn’t tell me exactly that it was your ex-girlfriend, but it was pretty obvious. I read between the lines.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“She really shouldn’t have told you all that.” 

“She was ranting to another co-worker and I overheard your name and I was curious.” Daniela shrugged again, unabashed. 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“So you still into your ex or something, Ellie?” Daniela spoke up again. 

“She’s not really my ex-girlfriend.” 

“Whatever.” 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“Well?” Daniela asked. 

“It’s kind of complicated.” 

“That’s just the bullshit way of saying yes,” Daniela rolled her eyes. “Doesn’t matter if she’s your ‘ex’ or whatever.” 

“Look, Daniela—” 

“I know we aren’t serious or whatever, but I don’t really feel like dealing with someone else’s ex drama.” 

“There’s no drama. I don’t even speak to her anymore.” 

“And yet you ditched me to go and help her out with something earlier.” 

“It’s not like that. And it was also an emergency.” 

“So you said.” 

Ellie wasn’t sure why she felt the need to explain herself to a girl she barely knew. Part of her felt compelled to do so as if she could continue to actively ignore her feelings by saying these things out loud. 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“God, you’re such an asshole fuckboy, Ellie.” 

“Hey, what the fuck—” 

“You know that you can get girls and do, but you just like to fuck around with them and play with their feelings.” 

“Alright, first of all, you said yourself that we’re nothing serious. We’ve barely even done anything.” Ellie said defensively. “Second, I literally just said that I don’t even talk to her anymore! Not even tonight!” 

Ellie scoffed as Daniela rolled her eyes once more. 

“Look,” Ellie continued through gritted teeth. “I’m sorry that I was late tonight. And I get it if your feelings are hurt. But nothing’s happening between me and my ex.” 

“You just said that she wasn’t your ex.” 

“Sh-she’s— she’s not, she’s—” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Daniela muttered as stood up from her bed. “At this point, I’m over it, and I really don’t give a fuck anymore. You’re hot and all, Ellie. But this is not worth it.” 

She popped an AirPod in her ear once more and sauntered over to the door. 

“Word of advice. Figure out your feelings for this ‘ex’ of yours and decide if you actually wanna be with her or not before getting involved with anyone else. Nobody deserves that hanging over their head, especially when you’re so clearly still in love with her.” 

And with that, Daniela opened the door and peered at her expectantly. Ellie took the hint and walked towards her direction and through the doorway. Before Ellie could fully turn around and give any parting words, Daniela shut the door in her face. 

Present 

Ellie collapses onto her bed next to Joel’s old motorcycle jacket. She pulls her phone out again, contemplating calling Jesse and Dina once more. But realizing they’ll probably call her if they have anything important that they feel she needs to know, she drops the phone down to her side in defeat. 

She continues to lay in her bed for a while, stewing in her unresolved feelings with nobody to confide in. Closing her eyes, her mind begins to race against her will with reminders of the path life led her down after you. 

First was Marisol. Less than two months into sophomore year of college, Jesse and Dina were completely aghast to see Ellie walking around campus with a girl they’d never seen her with before. She was in Ellie’s Aerospace Engineering class, and Ellie had claimed to have had an eye on her since last year. Jesse and Dina watched helplessly as their friend flaunted her new girlfriend around everywhere for the next couple of months. 

Ellie wasn’t initially sure what it was that attracted her to Marisol in the first place. She was naturally beautiful with her long, black hair and slender figure, and she was the textbook definition of a perfect girlfriend. It took two and a half months of overly extravagant dates and bouquets of Marisol’s favourite flowers and late nights spent at her dorm room for Ellie to understand what it was about Marisol that she was drawn to: it was her eyes. Down to the specks in her irises and how her eyelids curved, Marisol’s eyes resembled yours far too well. After coming to this harrowing realization, Ellie quickly broke things off with her tactlessly and with a half-assed, mostly untrue justification. 

The next was Luz who she had met during her near-daily workouts at the gym with Jesse. Ellie spent several autumn weeks with them, allowing Luz to whisk her about to different parties with different groups of friends every weekend. But one fateful night when they had dragged Ellie to a party at the same Sigma Eta frat house where you’d both first met, a bad acid trip cemented the end of her time with Luz. 

As Ellie’s dilated pupils focused intensely on Luz’s black boots, a pair very similar to your favourites, she felt a sensation begin to roughly tug at something inside her. From her spot on the living room couch, her eyes darted up to a spot by the wall where a small group of partygoers were congregating. She zeroed in on a random girl she’d never seen before whose multi-coloured features, as a result of LSD brain fog, began to morph into those of someone she was desperately trying to forget.

Once the last parts of the stranger’s face had fully formed to impersonate yours, she abruptly stood up from her slouched position on the couch, muttered an excuse to Luz about using the bathroom, and desperately begged Jesse to come pick her up immediately. After Jesse helped her click on her seatbelt in the passenger seat with a tight-lipped expression where he fought the urge to remind her of the significance of this house, Ellie never looked back and swore never to trip on acid again, subsequently ghosting Luz after that night. 

A couple of weeks before winter break, she met a sweet and quiet girl named Simi. They met through a dating app during one of Ellie’s crossfaded swiping sprees at 2 in the morning. Ellie’s affair with her was extremely short-lived, ending things with her a day before everyone left campus to head home for the holidays. While spending the day hanging out at Simi’s dorm room as her new girlfriend packed for her trip home, Ellie suddenly and unfairly started a fight with her after Simi had begun to mindlessly sing the song “Merry Christmas Darling” under her breath. 

Ellie had unkindly demanded for her to “shut up” immediately, understandably hurting Simi’s feelings. The fight was short and confusing, as Ellie had refused to elaborate on her sudden explosion. As she unceremoniously marched out of the dorm room, Ellie aggressively tried to suppress memories of you singing that same Carpenters song on a loop all of December of the previous year. You’d claimed you couldn’t get it out of your head and needed to sing it out loud at least fifty times a day so you could stop thinking about it. Though Ellie had playfully cussed you out and thrown several pillows at you on multiple occasions, that song now belonged to you forever and nobody else. 

After Simi were strings of countless others, some who had used Ellie as their brief college lesbian experience and many whose names Ellie would never be able to recall. She never hooked up with the same person more than twice, never actually took another one out for an actual date until Daniela. 

Ellie had found Daniela incredibly pretty when she’d first laid eyes on her on a warm September afternoon earlier in the year. She was lounging on the quad as Dina did her homework and Jesse lazily strummed his guitar when a group of freshmen walked by. Ellie hadn’t spared them a glance until one of the girls approached her, all shy and giggly, and said that one of her friends found Ellie very cute. After pointing Daniela out and asking for her number, Ellie shrugged and relented. She ignored Dina and Jesse’s identical judgmental looks and eye-rolls in her peripheral vision. 

Ellie enjoyed the undivided attention of someone completely enamoured by her. Daniela was constantly responsive, did whatever Ellie wanted to do, and was always so eager to please her. Ellie’d bring her to the movies, go on long drives with her in her Jeep, take her to whatever restaurants she’d want to eat at. 

To anyone who keenly observed when they were together, it was quite obvious who was far more invested between the two. Despite spending an ample amount of time with her in the past month or so, Ellie continued to keep Daniela at arm’s length. On multiple occasions when Ellie’d convinced Jesse and Dina to allow Daniela to accompany them, the long-time couple would watch how disconnected their friend was from this new girl she’d been seeing.

Dina would constantly give Jesse a raised eyebrow look that silently would ask, “Is she really serious?” to which Jesse would give her a tight-lipped, wordless grimace that replied with “We both know she’s a fucking dumbass.” They both placed bets on when exactly Ellie would eventually ditch this new girlfriend. 

Unbeknownst to them, it’s Ellie who was so easily discarded this time around. Feeling so unmoved and unaffected about the split with Daniela, Ellie tries to feel some kind of guilt over her lack of reciprocation. It’s her own actions, after all, that landed her dumped in the first place. She’s never fully seen Daniela as an actual girlfriend, and she knows full well that she shouldn’t have strung her along. 

But as she continues to lay in her bed, ocean green eyes shut and a hand woven through her auburn locks, she thinks of only you. 

Ellie can’t remember a single moment in her life when she’s felt more in need of another person’s company than she does at this very moment. Unable to trouble Dina to be her listening ear as she always is or bother Jesse to bluntly set her straight as usual, she feels the loneliness of the gloomy, dark room creep into her guilty conscience. 

Her fingers begin to mindlessly search her bedsheets as she continues to stare at her decrepit bedroom ceiling, seeking for her silver joint box that had fallen out of her pocket when she’d collapsed on her bed. Instead of the feel of cold metal, her hand comes across something smooth and warm. Pulling the brown leather jacket up to her face, Ellie’s mind murmurs a single word. 

Joel. 

She pulls her phone out to search for her father’s face within her favourite contacts. She hesitates for a moment but pushes herself to call. 

Joel picks up after only two rings. 

“Ellie? Jesus, kiddo, what the hell time is it?” 

“Hello to you too, old man.” Ellie chuckles. 

“Everythin’ alright?” Joel’s voice asks, tired but urgent. 

“Y-yeah. Yeah, I guess.” 

Ellie can almost hear her father sitting up straight in bed. 

“What’s wrong, Ellie?” 

“I-I…” She stutters. “Joel…” 

With a whimpering tone, she suddenly recounts the night’s events in complete detail. Joel listens attentively, only ever interrupting with sharp intakes of breath and hushed, imperceptible asides. After listening to his daughter’s sorrowful spiel, he finally speaks. 

“Oh, baby girl…” Joel utters. “I truly am sorry. It’s been a real rough night for all of y’all.” 

“Yeah…” 

“That poor kid… I’m glad she had you three lookin’ out for her tonight.” 

Ellie says nothing to this, pursing her lips. 

“How about you, Ellie?” Joel continues. “How are you feelin’ after everythin’ that’s happened?” 

“I-I’m not really sure. I’m not sure I know how to feel.” 

“That’s okay. You don’t have to just yet. It just happened and all.” 

“All I feel is so much fucking guilt, Joel. It feels like my mind is empty but overflowing all at the same time. I feel so motherfucking powerless and I don’t know what to do.” 

There’s a moment of silence before her father speaks again. 

“You given any thought to the conversation we had before you left for school, kiddo?” 

Last August: Jackson 

Ellie’s bedroom was full of boxes and bags packed with everything she planned to bring to college for her junior year. The space was slightly more barren, closet mostly empty and trinkets missing from her shelves. It was only a couple more days before she, Dina, and Jesse would be making their journey back to their university, and she was uncharacteristically ahead of schedule. 

Leaning against her desk with a box full of comic books on the floor next to her, she was casually perusing an old graphic novel when Joel appeared in her open doorway. 

“Knock, knock.” 

“The door’s open, old man. Also, you can literally just walk in, you know.” 

“Who raised you to have so much cheek against your elders, kid?” 

“You, dude.” 

The pair smirked at each other’s smart-mouthed retorts. 

“Need any help packin’ up?” 

“Nah. It’s pretty much done except for a handful of essentials.” 

“Including that book you’re holdin’ right now?” 

“Like I said: essentials.” 

Joel chuckled. 

“Well, the Changs sent over some dinner for us, if you want some. Wisa made K-kaw… Khao Tom Pa… no, Plah…” Joel stuttered, making an effort to pronounce the Thai dish correctly. “Khao Tom Plah, that’s it. She brought some over earlier, thought we might want some. She even made it without the prawns, just the way you like it.” 

“Sick. She’s the best. I’ll text Jesse later to thank her.” 

“Good.” 

Joel lingered as Ellie went back to reading her comic, wistfully looking around his daughter’s nearly vacated bedroom. His eyes fell on a small box sitting at the foot of Ellie’s bed. It was an ordinary, cardboard box just as the others were, except it was heavily sealed with multiple layers of silver duct tape. He frowned. 

“Still plannin’ on bringin’ that box?” 

“What do you mean?” Ellie asked, knowing exactly what her father was referring to without looking up. 

“You know you can just leave it here at home, right? It ain’t like I go through your doohickeys when you ain’t here.” 

“So you do go through my shit when I am here?” 

“Ellie.” 

“What?” 

“Why the hell are you doing this to yourself, kid?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“We’ve been having this same conversation for the past year now.” 

Ellie finally peeled her eyes away from her graphic novel, tossing it on the desk behind her and crossing her arms. 

“You’re the one who keeps bringing it up, Joel.” 

“I bring it up because I know that you ain’t been talkin’ about these feelings with anyone. Not me or Jesse or Dina. It’s been a year since you ditched that poor girl, and you’re still sulkin’ over it.” 

“She ditched me.” 

“Hold your horses; we both know that ain’t true.” 

“What do you want from me, old man?” 

“I want you to be happy, kiddo.” 

“What makes you think I’m not happy?” 

“Now, don’t try to bullshit me. You can grumble and deny it ‘til the cows come home, but even after all this time, all you ever do is brood and pine after that girl. Plain as day to anyone. You ain’t been the same since y’all broke up.” 

“We weren’t together.” 

“Yes, you were.” 

Joel ignored his daughter’s subsequent eye-roll before continuing. 

“You still have the box, Ellie.” 

“I just forgot I even had it.” 

“And yet, you’re bringin’ it to school with you, just like you did last year. Why?” 

“It was just in my closet stuffed in with all this other shit I don’t touch. Had to take it out while I was packing.” 

“That ain’t amount to a hill o’ beans. And you still ain’t answer my question.” 

“Sorry, dude.” 

“Ellie. You and I would down to Beacon Run all the damn time back when you were growin’ up. You used to beg me to go for dinner whenever you had a hankerin’ to order that cheesy crab dip with all those chips and jalapeños and such.” 

Ellie raised her eyebrow, unsure where her father was going with this. 

“Then all of a sudden, a few years ago, you seemed to hate the place. You’ll maybe get a plate of fries and nothin’ else. Matter of fact, I can’t, for the life of me, recall the last time I’ve seen you eat a plate of seafood with any kind of shellfish in it.” 

Joel’s greying eyes pierced Ellie’s ocean green. 

“Two years.” He continued. “It’s been two years. You almost never eat any kind of seafood no more, and even the Changs never cook us anythin’ that has shrimps or scallops or anythin’ of the like.”

Joel watched as his daughter stubbornly struggled to justify herself. He sighed sadly. 

“I wish you’d let yourself be happy, Ellie. You could be.” 

“That so? How do you figure that?” 

“First step is admitting exactly what is clear as day to everyone around you.” 

“Oh, yeah? And what is that?” 

Present Day 

“J-Joel… I-I…” Ellie sobs. “I love her.” 

“I know, baby girl.” 

Joel helplessly listens to his daughter’s desperate weeping from the other end of the line. 

“So,” He eventually asks in between her snivels. “What now?” 

“It doesn’t matter.” She sniffs. 

“Kiddo, why do you think your feelings don’t matter?” 

“Because relationships do not work for me. Love doesn’t work for me.” 

“Your relationship with her didn’t work. Past tense. It’s been years. It was a tough situation. You’re a different person now.” Joel clarifies. “And there’s plenty love ‘round you, kiddo. You got a lotta love in your life. I need you t’realize that.” 

“Except I-I’m not a different person, Joel. I-I am just an older, slightly more experienced version of myself. I-I…” Ellie stutters. “I’m afraid.” 

“Of course you are, kid. It’s only natural.” Joel replies. “But you can’t live your whole life closed off from the rest of the world. You need and deserve love, Ellie.” 

“Except I don’t, Joel! I fucking don’t!” She cries. “God, y-you just, you just don’t understand!” 

“What don’t I understand?” 

“She almost fucking died!” Ellie nearly screams. 

A silence falls between the two, only broken by Ellie’s hot and angry tears noisily dropping onto the old leather jacket. She grips it tightly in one hand before continuing. 

“I-if… if none of it happened… if I d-didn’t do all that to h-her all those years ago…” She stutters between shaky lips. “M-maybe she wouldn’t be where she is now. She wouldn’t have gone on a date w-with someone who didn’t know about…” 

Ellie chokes back a sob. 

“I-I… I would have known. I would have t-taken care of her. I would never have—” 

“Ellie.” 

“She needed me, and I… I let her down. Not just tonight. All those years ago. I couldn’t be what she needed. I fucking failed her.” 

“It’s not that simple, kid.” 

“Yes, it is! Her cousin fucking died! He was her whole fucking world, and she loved him more than anything, and he fucking died and I… I ran. I abandoned her.” 

The blurry memory of your sleeping figure in the passenger seat of Ellie’s Jeep appears in front of her, wrapped up cozily in her flannel as she drives you home from Jackson and naive to what lies ahead. 

“I know… I know what I’m capable of, Joel. I loved her so much all those years ago and… I still hurt her. I hurt her so fucking badly.” 

Your image transforms to one of you awake and livid, Ellie’s flannel torn off and tears streaming down your face. Anger and betrayal are etched all over your face, just like they were all those years ago. The shame she’d felt back then is incomparable to what she feels now. 

“I don’t ever want to do that to her again, ever. I just can’t. I won’t.” 

Joel sighs deeply before finally speaking. 

“Ellie. That fear is always gonna be there. But you’re young, and we make plenty of mistakes in our youth. God knows how much of my past I used to regret.” 

Ellie takes deep breaths as her father continues to speak. 

“Everythin’ that happened tonight? None of it was your fault. In fact, I reckon you’re the reason she’s still livin’ and breathin’ right now. I’m proud of you for that.” 

“All I did was—” 

“All you did was save her life.” 

Ellie sniffles but doesn’t respond. 

“Look, kiddo,” Joel continues. “As someone who has known you for a very long time, I know how much of a good heart you got. You’re a lovin’ person who deserves love. I wish you could believe that.” 

The sound of people entering through the front door echoes all around the empty apartment, but Ellie hears nothing else but the sound of her own agonized sobs. 

author’s notes:

belle posting TWO chapters of ncty within less than two weeks of each other??? what is this, may 2023???

saury for not posting this right away like promised yesterday, like i said, going thru some shit rn! but i hope y'all enjoyed regardless ♥︎

i'll give you a kiss on the mouth if you guess the bollywood movie i vaguely reference at the beginning of the chapter :)

the idea of reader being allergic to shellfish and going into anaphylactic shock came to me one day a while back when i was eating something with shrimp and randomly remembered that i am very allergic to shellfish and instead of being like, "i should go take some medicine immediately", i thought, "hmm this would be a wild plot point for ncty" LMFAOOOO

anyway, this is your reminder that if you have an epipen, don't be stupid, bring that shit with you wherever you go sldkfjsdl

the more of jesse that i include in this series, the more i enjoy writing him. he's such a fun character to write hehe

i thought having abby sipping on some hot, black coffee when ellie fucking canonically hates coffee was so hilarious, i pat myself on the fucking back for that one

yes i also pat myself on the back for the line regarding ellie's ocean green eyes and abby's sky blue ones. i fucking love parallels and symbolism. i'm a whore for them, in fact.

btw dina doesn't respond to ellie's phone call bc her phone died (prob from facetiming ellie for that long earlier in the night) and idk, jesse's either not paying attention or being petty LMFAO

the reappearance of barbie bearrrrr, my babyyyy. idk if y'all remember, but yes, barbie bear is a reference to the actual stuffed pink bear i sleep with every night named barbie. i had planned since chapter 4 (which is the chapter barbie bear is first mentioned) for ellie to have had her this whole time because i'm a fucking lunatic LOL

i mentioned in the author's notes section of the last chapter how reader's letterwriting hobby is inspired by me irl cause i do that all the time for friends, but reader's letter in this chapter is actually loosely based on a letter that soulmate ex wrote me, it's not word for word exactly, i altered it a bit to fit the story better, but it's very close because i'm INSANE, anyway

yes "i think i love you again" is on my playlist about my ex-girlfriend and "merry christmas darling" is on his playlist for me, go away

ellie's clear aversion to taylor swift is both a reference to a previous chapter where jesse subtly mentions her dislike for her and also to my personal belief that ellie really would not like her as a person or an artist at all irl lmfao

the names of all of ellie's ex gfs or whatever are inspired by something very specific but that's another heehee secret trivia that nobody else but me will ever know about (let's be real, i'll prob tell star later LOL)

i named jesse's mom after one of my fave co-workers hehe (and the dish she makes for them is thai bc my co-worker is from thailand)

ellie's declaration of love about reader that she makes to joel has also been a long time planned now, idk why i knew it was gonna be chapter 13 when i did it, but i just knew it was. it was always the plan for her to confess it out loud to joel first, above anyone else

the final conversation between ellie and joel is heavily inspired by a scene from one of my fave tv shows, crazy ex-girlfriend. the scene makes me bawl every time i watch it. please watch crazy ex-girlfriend. so good.

we really are thirteen chapters into this series, huh? crazy. anyway, love y'all. <3

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Cutest of doodles by @purple-the-turtle, Tbh so good it should be the cover art for this au by @unamick, Meeting Frogo's by @thegreateggbandit), Little guys & so cute & high five! by @banana-pancake5, MIKEY + Trick or Treat MiKEY & CAROL by @averagetmntfan, bite >:D by @smol-bean-boi13, I AM SO HONORED BY THIS by @merakimagic and THEM by @cosmocafe

Any and all fan work is welcome- just please credit me if you use parts of my art in it! I would LOVE to see it once you finish! Feel free to send me any asks or messages- my box is always open :D

[smallpwbbles]

She didn’t get that sketch book back

Quick fic for my Biolizard shadow au taking place pre Ark incident, just some nice fluff between Maria and Shadow

Feel free to criticise the fuck outta this, haven’t written a fic since I was like 13, did feel nice to write this though, hopefully I can turn write a longer fic for the au like I said I wanted to do

Maria was beginning to get restless, it had been a long week full of tests, resting, recovering and just a general sense of stagnation. The days were beginning to phase into a repetitive cycle and while she could manage with it, she couldn’t say it wasn’t beginning to get boring.

Her studies were just finishing up, she had once again been bested by her least favourite subject, math. Maria was quite smart for her age, a symptom of being a Robotnik no doubt, however math had such a way with turning her brain to mush. She was sick enough as it was, she didn’t need the subject doing away with her mind too.

Her notebook and sticky notes were packed away in a cute little cubby adorably stuck with a tag with her name on it, next to hers was an empty cubby addressed with the name Shadow, it was unfortunate that with the monstrous hedgehogs seemingly unending growth spurts came the ability to not fit almost anywhere on the Ark, apart for his enclosure of course.

Maria put a hand to the unused cubby, she very much missed studying in the classroom with Shadow, but her grandfather did allow for studies to be taught with Shadow in the enclosure when they were both on best behaviour, the old man may be a stickler but was an absolute softie at heart.

Gerald was erasing the algebra on the blackboard with a content smile, Maria could see he was in quite a good mood today which was especially great as the week of tests wasn’t just unfortunate to her. As Shadow was due for many tests to check on the state of his growth, Gerald and his team spent many weeks trying to get it under control right after Shadow had begun to increase in size rapidly.

The scientists had all done their best but to an ailing Shadow, who had to be okay with needles and diagrams shoved in and around him, he was at best irate and at worst, down right hostile. One of the testing scientists was still recovering in the first aid section of the Ark after a particularly vexed Shadow struck out. He was “grounded” after such an incident, which doesn’t mean much when you’re 35 feet and can kill a person with minimal effort, but it meant Maria couldn’t see him at the moment.

That wasn’t gonna stop her from trying.

“Grandfather! Studies were absolutely wonderful today, I feel maths gets easier and easier each time you teach it to me” Maria lied. Her plan was to butter him up, get him in an even better mood, maybe then he would feel lenient enough to let her stay in the enclosure with Shadow.

“It makes me glad to hear that Maria my dear, maths has always been an essential subject matter in the world of education, why I’ve loved maths ever since I was a young tot, you know I solved my first problem when I was just 3 years old-“ Gerald kept on. Oh no, she got him rambling, maybe she could shoot her shot and just ask outright. The last time he rambled it put her right to sleep on her desk, it hurt his feelings but the second she started hearing percentages her brain shut it down.

“May I see Shadow today!?” She hadn’t meant to blurt it out so outright but she felt the ramble was about to edge towards fractions and decimals and she quite had enough of those today

Gerald’s animated ramblings stopped in an instant and he faced his granddaughter who was doing her best to charm him with her childish adorable appeal

He hummed and hawed for a moment before shaking his head “Now Maria I know you miss Shadow very much but he is in trouble at the moment”

A wave of defensiveness washed over Maria as she recounted Shadow was currently punished due to actions he did in a moment of stress and anger, she felt in the same position she would have struck out or at the very least gave that scientist a good old raspberry, she was still proud she taught Shadow that, Gerald didn’t need to know that though.

“Oh but Grandfather, it’s been more than a week, I’m sure Shadow has learned his lesson” Maria begged.

“He growled at one of our scientists who came for a check up this morning, one he particularly likes mind you” he retorted

“I mean it could be a bit of that teenage rebellion you’re always claiming me to have when I’m not happy to see you in the morning” She countered.

“I-“ Gerald stopped himself and put a finger to his lip, honestly he couldn’t dismiss that. As Shadow continued to grow he picked up more behaviours Gerald could attribute to the traditional development of adolescence. It still had him flabbergasted as he recalled Shadow sticking his tongue right at Gerald one time during studies.

“None the matter, I don’t want you getting hurt in there because of the irritation he’s at right now” Gerald commanded. Maria deflated, this definitely wasn’t going out the way she has planned.

“He would never! Shadow absolutely adores us, he wouldn’t hurt us” Maria argued, she trusted this 100%. Although around most people some could say Shadow could be careless, Maria and Gerald were of a select few that Shadow handled with the upmost care and caution. Maria could just about get away with doing anything around Shadow, if not for her sickness she would most definitely use the gigantic hedgehog as a playground.

At quiet times before lights were out, when allowed she would curl up in Shadows large claws, it amazed her how still and gentle he could be, she felt like a glass doll in his hands as she deducted he was so still in fear of jostling her. It saddened her that Shadow was at such a state he felt even the slightest movements would hurt her.

Gerald put a palm to his head, “I know he wouldn’t hurt you on purpose Maria, but Shadow can forget himself sometimes, need I remind you of Steven, who is in the infirmary because of Shadows actions?” He scolded. Maria didn’t have a retort for that, she could defend shadow as much as she liked but it didn’t change that he had indeed hurt someone.

She looked down to her dress skirt and gripped the fabric of it, she knew better than to act like a brat not getting their way but she was getting irate, one more plea, and if no results she would would back down, lest she get into an argument with her grandfather and end up in trouble herself.

“I’ve just felt absolutely restless. I understand he’s in trouble grandfather but he always behaves around me, I could even go in there and get him to apologise! He’s usually nicer after I give him a good talking to” Maria gripped her skirt harder, she was honest about getting him to apologise, she didn’t want him thinking what he had done to that scientist was okay.

Gerald studied her for a moment before letting out a defeated sign, the softie in him had won, he hated seeing Maria as desperate as she was, and she was not wrong. Maria’s presence seemed to greatly improve Shadows mood the most

“Fine, you can see him” Maria almost jumped up in excitement but steeled herself, it didn’t stop her from looking absolutely giddy “but you are not to rile him up in any way, and if I feel you are in danger you are to come out, understand” Gerald instructed.

Maria gave a silly salute, she couldn’t help it knowing her plan came around “loud and clear!”

——————————————————————

He was clearly pouting when she got to the viewing windows of Shadows enclosure, he was lying on his side and had his back to the large reinforced windows, so nobody could see his face. It was cute to Maria, he always did this getting in trouble.

He was also very still, she actually couldn’t tell if he was asleep or not in that position, a second later when he turned his head slightly to notice her presence confirmed he was indeed awake. Shadow had quite the ability to sense the people around him without anyone else knowing they were there. He glared at her before immediately curling in on himself, she had no idea how someone that big could make themselves look smaller but he was managing quite well.

She put her hands to the window, the glare he just gave her hadn’t put her off, he clearly wasn’t as happy to see her as she thought he would be but that was her gigantic, hedgehog, lizard buddy in need and she hadn’t almost got on her knees and begged to see him for nothing.

3 little taps to the glass, Maria did this just to give him a warning whenever she was coming in, in response Shadow seemed to curl further in on himself, he almost looked like a gigantic spiky ball.

Maria made a small trek down a compact set of Stairs to some steel doors that led into the enclosure, there was a code box right next to the doors that needed an input only Maria, Gerald and some trusted scientists knew. Quickly putting in 4 digits, her birthday as predictably done by her grandfather, Maria bounced in excitement as the doors painstakingly opened.

The chamber was quiet and smelled of lavender, Maria had recommended a calming smell might tide over Shadow to act nicer during testing, while it hadn’t, he still very much enjoyed the smell.

Maria encountered the big ball of black and red quills and scales, he was very much still pouting and didn’t seem to want to acknowledge her. She gave a couple pats to what she could assume was his tail but it was quite hard to tell as curled up as he was.

Shadow gave no response to indicate he felt the pats so she grabbed a few quills and gave a small tug, she didn’t want to tug hard as she’d definitely get cut if he bristled his quills in response, yet he still gave no reaction.

Oh he was really having quite the tantrum today. She put her hands to her hips and gave the giant wall of quills a tired look

“Shadow it’s me! Are you not happy to see me?” Maria yelled up at him.

If he was, he gave no reciprocation. It humbled her quite intensely as it was a first for Shadow to completely ignore her.

She looked down at her shoes and decided if he was gonna be the Debbie of downers she would use other means of entertainment. She pulled out her small sketch pad that conveniently fit in her skirt pockets. It was a great source of distraction when she had nothing to do or nobody to talk to.

She walked over to some worn down chairs that were placed carefully far to one end of the enclosure, they were initially placed there for observation of Shadow but it was an overestimated idea as most scientists didn’t have the nerve to be in the same room as Shadow for more than 5 minutes. Maria abused this section of the enclosure to benefit her creative devices and made Shadow the subject of most of her sketches.

It was about 5 minutes into drawing when she had stopped drawing Shadow as doodling a curled up spiky ball hadn’t been as fun as she thought. She looked up from her sketch pad as Shadow began to unfurl, as he stretched out she heard some of his bones crack back into place, bones cracking was already an unnerving sound to her, hearing it at Shadows size was something entirely else so she couldn’t help the look that came on her face.

Shadow stopped his stretching to study her, he smirked at the unsettled face Maria made as it was quite an amusing expression for her to pull, the smirked made her a little irate considering how rudely he was to ignore her just before.

“I see you got tired of pouting” Maria huffed, Shadow simply stuck her tongue at her, she gasped in shock and stook up immediately, absolutely aghast he would use such a move on her of all people, she kind of wish she hadn’t taught him that now.

“That’s absolutely- why I never- you are such a rude-“ she couldn’t make up her mind what to say in response. Shadow sat on his hind legs and looked at her in amusement, to anyone who could have been outside the enclosure, the sight of a young blond girl yelling and scolding the near 40 foot giant beast was bewildering.

“It’s no wonder grandfather didn’t want me to see you, with you acting like such a brat I have half a mind to walk out of here, are you even sorry for what you did?!” Maria furiously turned her back to him and folded her arms, if she looked back she would have seen Shadow flinch at the question. “The scientists are doing the best to help you and you had someone sent into first aid!” She grumbled.

Maria heard some loud shuffling then the room shook for a moment, she steadied herself and looked back to see Shadow had repositioned himself with his back to her. She didn’t know why the sight infuriated her more but it just seemed like he wanted to be insanely difficult today.

She began to march over to him, about to give him a peace of her mind. However when she traversed enough to get a even look at what she assumed would be a unremorseful smug smirk, she was met with a regretful furrowed brow, his red crimson irises met her blue azure ones and he instantly looked away and brought his arms up to hold himself. He wouldn’t look back at her.

Maria began to calm herself, one look at him told her what she knew, of course he felt bad for what he did. She wanted to give herself a right slap for forgetting herself, he obviously found it hard to talk about what happened, she shouldn’t have expected him to be right and ready to talk as soon as she walked through those doors.

She slowly came closer and put a hand to his ankle, that was as much as she could reach at his current sat up stance. He dared a glance down at her tiny form and again looked away, she could feel the giant begin to tremble, she then heard as an unmistakable voice rasped out “…didn’t mean to”.

His voice rumbled throughout her body as her heart wrenched at that statement. She believed it without question, he was gentle and caring, she was tired after the week long tests. Maria could only imagine what it was like for him after being poked and prodded for hours on end.

“I know” she comforted. She really did wish he was at least a little smaller, it was really hard to comfort someone who has a hand as big as your entire body.

She could attempt to climb up his leg but she really didn’t want to risk getting Gerald upset with her if she was to exacerbate her already strained lungs. She motioned at shadow with her hand and got his attention “Shadow your hand please” she gently commanded

He knew what she was asking and took a hand off his person to reach her, only seeing his claws near her had him stop for a moment which Maria noticed. “You would never hurt me” she assured. He gently scooped her up and cupped his other hand to the one holding her.

Shadow brought up a safely secured Maria up to his face in which she at once assaulted him with a full face hug, it surprised him for a moment but he instantly melted into it. She did this when she knew he was even a bit upset. He did find the gesture embarrassing but appreciated it all the same.

Maria nuzzled into his muzzle harder, she’d be finding fur in her dress for ages but she didn’t mind, the priority was Shadow. She was glad he was remorseful, it would have been alarming if she had to explain why it’s wrong to send someone into the infirmary but Shadow seemed to grasp the consequences of the event that transpired.

“You are going to apologise once Steven is out of the infirmary aren’t you?” She left his muzzle alone finally and looked up at him, he seemed embarrassed at such a request but knew he couldn’t argue with something that was the least he could do. He nodded firmly and hoped it would be enough to satisfy Maria.

It definitely was as she once again came full force with a hug to his muzzle, he did wish he could return such a gesture properly but he’d definitely crush the poor girl with such a return, instead he just leaned his face into her arms, she was such a tiny thing to him but the action warmed his heart so immensely he’d almost forgotten why he was mad in the first place.

Maria plopped back into his palm, content with her job as “the Shadow whisperer”, as she had oddly dubbed herself in her mind. She wished she could converse with him about all the events that transpired while he had been “grounded” but it mostly included tests which was the furthest thing she was sure both of them wanted to talk about. In that moment she remembered the little notepad she was doodling in earlier.

Shadow watched as she fought to relieve her pocket of the sketch pad and as she flicked through a few pages of quite nice and detailed drawings of him and a few familiar faces he’d seen on the Ark, his interested peaked as he watched her turn to her recent pages and she chortled, Maria shakily stood up on Shadows surprisingly soft palm and held the sketch pad to Shadow, who’s interested promptly died when he saw a drawing of a spiky ball which had been nicely detailed with an annotate to tell whoever was reading the ball was a “grumpy pouty shadow”.

Maria watched Shadows face fall flat and couldn’t help that roar of laughter that immediately escaped her, this only continued to irritate the humongous hedgehog. He brought over his other hand that didn’t have a laughing Maria in it and swiftly brought it over his palm, Maria yelled out a panicked “NO WAIT-“ as he did so. He didn’t hurt her, he just gave her a quick squish to shut her up. That seemed to do the job as he opened his palms to a silence Maria who had her hair adorably scruffy from the attack “I hate it when you do that, I totally deserved it though” she concluded

He snickered at that and she gave him a quick punch to his pinkie finger

——————————————————————

Maria had lost track of the time she had been in the enclosure after 2 hours. She wasn’t worried she’d been in too long as her Grandfather had cameras in the chamber and would have called her out if he wanted her out.

She had returned to her drawings while she was cradled in Shadows palms. She was absolutely engrossed in her current drawing and hadn’t noticed Shadow wasn’t giving input or feedback on her drawings anymore.

The palm she was in suddenly jerked and she had to grab one of his fingers to keep from losing balance, her sketch pad had fallen to the ground when the motion happened. She looked up when she was steadied and saw Shadow, he seemed to have not noticed what he had done. Honestly he seemed quite out of it, she quickly realised the poor thing was fighting sleep and must have accidentally jerked back to being half awake.

“Shadow” Maria called, his eyes opened fully to address her but immediately went back to being half lidded. “Are you tired? I can leave so you can get some rest” she offered.

He stubbornly shook his head and cupped his other hand under her, normally he would have let her go off when she wanted and went back to doing as he did alone in the enclosure but she was sure it was his sleepy brain not wanting her to leave and he was acting upon that.

“Alright alright, don’t have a fuss I’m not going anywhere, even if I could” he had brought his hand close enough that she could reach a particular spot under his muzzle, she gave it a few scritches and had to steel herself when he began purring, it was an intense and loud sound that she feel sending waves through her entire body but she bared it.

He leaned into it, and began to literally lean his entire body’s forward when the feeling of the scratches began to calm his already tired mind, Maria had to stop and immediately grabbed onto anything she could, which was his ring finger as Shadow fell forward, the enclosure shook from the weight of him falling and Maria waited for the vibrations to die down, she hoped her grandfather was not watching the cameras at that moment as she could of accidentally been hurt, she could hear and feel the vibrations of Shadows quiet snores as it confirmed he has simply fallen asleep.

She hopped off his palm to trek to his face, give him a quick hug. Her mission was to now find her sketch pad, that last drawing she was engrossed with had come along really well and she wanted to show her grandfather how her art skills were coming out. Her face turned grief stricken when she realised her sketch pad had fallen where Shadow lay asleep right now, if he rolled over which she knew he was guaranteed to do, it was completely over for that drawing as well as her entire sketch pad.

Maria inhaled and then exhaled. The stories of the superheroes her grandfather read to her had to go through sacrifice, and right now as the shadow whisperer, she could definitely say she was going through sacrifice right now.

[lexirosewrites]

Imagining a Steve w powers AU set in a/b/o

O!Steve has always seen/known/heard things he knows he shouldn't b able to, when he was 8 he became aware tht he could always tell when someone was lying & what truth they were trying to hide, when he was 12 he started to see things before they happened but he never had control over what he saw or when he saw it, then he turned 13 & suddenly ppl tht weren't there tht SHOULDN'T b there anymore were everywhere he looked, he started being able to hear & talk to them when he was 15, then...

will Byers goes missing & Steve knows, he KNOWS will isnt in Hawkins as they all know it, not anymore, he ditches A!Nancy & B!Tommy & A!Carol frequently to help Mrs Byers in her search, he's there when they figure out the Christmas lights ouija board, he's there when Holly wanders into Wills room, he's suddenly there when the younger party r watching Wills "body" b discovered in the quarry & he'd snuck up on them which shouldn't b possible w El & her powers, Lucas has already left but Steve speaks w such authority when he tells them tht isn't Will in the water, he's there when Mrs Byers has to identify the fake body & B!Jonathan is confused/angry at his presence, he backs up Mrs Byers when she convinced Hopper something wasn't right w the body they found, he doesn't deface the movie theater but he shows up to help w the final show down at the school, he goes w Nancy & Jonathan after learning Barb is dead (she was taken after sneaking out w Nancy to smoke weed at a bonfire at an old campground, & Nancy didn't notice bc she was too high & caught a ride home w Carol who is nicer than she presents herself to b) he still fights the demogorgon w his nail bat & is urging them back to the school but ofc El takes care of everything/disappeared before they get there

Will is found by Joyce & Hopper, while everyone celebrates, while Mike is sad abt El disappearing, while the government comes by to present them w NDAs each, steve feels like he's being watched & when he looks around he finds no one but he's never been wrong before

Steve has a heat soon after the dust settles, B!Joyce helps him is a maternal presence for him feeds him & helps him as best she can, & her mature pheromones tell Steve he is being cared for by a parent so while his heat is rough it isn't sexual just a terrible time where he needs cuddles as he runs a fever, he's lost his place in the pecking order of Hawkins High but he finds he doesn't care anymore being King used to mean safety but now he has a nail bat always nearby & a friend in Nancy & Jonathan & a parent figure in Joyce

Season 2... is a doozy, steve knows immediately A!Billy is bad news & not in a sexy way, he knows something is wrong w O!Will (will presented fully as an omega after the stress of his abduction) but his powers don't work in a way tht let's him know what EXACTLY is wrong, he sees visions of the Upside Down now & glimpses the deaths of several ppl, he knows El is back in their dimension & he makes his way to the cabin avoiding the booby traps as if he'd put them there himself, he approached Dustin first showing up at his house a moment before Dustin discovered the body of his cat, they work together to lure Dart to the junk yard, steve had known since he saw her tht Max was going to end up knowing what they know so he isn't surprised or apprehensive when she appears alongside Lucas, he defends them from the demodogs, he defends them from Billy avoiding the plate bc he sees it coming before Billy even thinks to grab it, steve keeps him distracted while Max grabs the needle & drugs him & threatens him, they burn the tunnels, season 2 concludes, again everyone is celebrating but Steve feels something not just watching him but trying to reach out to touch him, everyone in the party knows abt his powers now not the entire scope just tht he sometimes sees things before they happen

When he has a heat after all of this he's tended to by Joyce & cuddled by Dustin & Max & Lucas, sweat wiped away by Mike & Jonathan, Nancy guards his door, the pheromones of pups makes his heat more abt scenting & cuddling the young ones, El comes by when it's safe & gets cuddled & scented & isn't released till Steve falls asleep, when he falls asleep he dreams & in every dream he is in the Upside Down & someone is always there just out of sight

Season 3: Steve purposefully bombs his college applications bc he knows something STILL isn't right in Hawkins, he feels like the mall has a basement but there's no evidence of one,

A!Robin is still mean & dismissive toward him but he isn't trying to get dates anyway so all of her passive aggressive shenanigans go in one ear & out the other, he doesn't have feelings for her like Dustin suggests, he makes the eureka moment of the music seem like a moment of chance, he knows Billy isn't rlly there anymore tht ppl have been dying, & he knows what the Russians r doing as soon as the Scoops Troop sees the shady figures at the loading dock, he gives Dustin & Erica the heads up tht they'll need to get into the vents & get out, stobin still get Tortured & drugged & Dustin & Erica rescue them, stobin become platonic soulmates in the bathroom, the battle of starcourt happens, but Steve gives the adults the information they need & it ensures Hopper isn't presumed dead & gets out alive, & when they're negotiating & going over the NDAs together treating it like a pizza party, Steve not only senses someone reaching out to touch him he feels them actually brush the back of his neck

The heat he has following season 3 is probably the worst one yet not in terms of the company or care, Steve is encouraged to build a nest in the expanded & repaired cabin in a room A!Hopper had built specifically for him to move into, Joyce & Hopper take shifts caring for him as parents would, B!El didnt lose her powers but theyre weak like an atrophied muscle so she sticks to learning to cook for Steve w Joyce's help, Max presented fully as an omega after Billy's funeral & so she & Will don't leave his side unless it's to use the bathroom & he cuddles & scents Max endlessly helping calm the sadness her pheromones were leaking everywhere the 3 of them purring in rhythm, Erica comes by to get cuddled & reads to him the goosebumps books she gets from the library, B!Dustin sets up a moderate sound system in his new room tht let's him play music he likes & Dustin gets cuddled almost as much as Max & Will

Nancy/Jonathan bring him his favorite juice & sodas, Robin is the only one allowed to adjust/maintain the nest he built, Lucas & Mike presented as alphas after the stress of the mall & their instincts to protect a vulnerable member of the party r haywire in a way they haven't learned to manage yet so the adults have them take shifts btwn guarding the door to Steve's room & helping feed Steve who's become the undisputed pack omega so Steve is cared for in a way tht tells his body it doesn't need sex for this heat because he's surrounded & cared for by pack w no interesting alphas in sight

What makes this heat terrible r the dreams... he doesn't scream or thrash in his sleep but they disturb him all the same, they don't contain what if scenarios abt the past events, he's always in the Upside Down in them & there's the same human figure standing a distance away & they get closer w every dream & the scent of ichor & blood floods his nose stronger w every dream, in the dream he has before his heat breaks the figure is right behind him, caressing his neck, humming some song he doesn't recognize, & the scent is stronger than ever w the spice tht marks the figure as an alpha

Season 4 is an entirely different part of this AU tht I will send in a separate ask bc this got long but I'm not as entranced by this AU to make it an entire post lol

part 1 of 2 I suppose

part two of omega Steve with powers AU posting shortly💛

(link to part two)

[aoioozora]

Simon.

Part 11

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 12 - Part 13

Character: Simon Riley / Ghost Content: Biker! Ghost x Fem! Reader, strangers to lovers, fluff, civilian au TW: Mentions of murder Note: Thank you for your patience! Here is Simon's angsty backstory.

“Simon?” 

A beacon of harsh white light appeared right under the face of the shadow, illuminating its grim face and casting ominous shadows under its eyes, nose, cheekbones, and lips like the teller of a ghost story would do. She let out a frightened squeak before finally recognizing the face of the shadow.

“You scared me!” she chuckled as she put her hand over her racing heart.

“That was the point.” He laughed as he watched her climb up to the porch. Under the ghastly, sharp light of the torch, he playfully flashed a devious grin.

“Stop it, you look terrifying!” She exclaimed, shaking her head with a smile.

Simon switched off the torch and was hidden in the shadows again. It took a few moments for her eyes to adjust to the darkness again and to see him a little clearer. She could vaguely see him slouched on the bench, wrapped in a thin blanket from the elements.

“Can’t sleep?” she asked, now sitting next to him and placing Little Simon aside.

“Johnny’s snoring,” Simon shook his head, letting out an annoyed grumble, “Can’t sleep with such a delightful little jukebox cozied up next to me, you know.” He turned to her when she chuckled. “What about you?”

“I slept too much in the afternoon,” she sighed, “and so I sat up working on my novel, thinking I’d get sleepy soon enough, but that didn’t happen, so here I am.”

He let out a short “hmm” as he stared at the rain that was now falling a little heavier. ____ leaned forward to check on the tent.

“I hope the tent’s not getting wet inside,” she said.

“Don’t worry, it’s waterproofed. We’ve slept through many rainy nights in that tent, so it’ll be as right as rain,” he answered, smirking at his unexpected pun, and feeling quite gratified when he heard her chuckle. 

“I remember you made a rain pun the second time we met at the book cafe,” she remarked, continuing to giggle.

“What can I say,” he sighed a self-gratified sigh, now half-joking and half attempting to make her laugh again, “I can be pretty funny at times.”

“For sure,” she smiled and said with sincerity, “I really do think you’re funny.”

His eyebrows shot up slightly. Outside of his friends, he didn’t think anybody found him hilarious, knowing that he frightened most people with his massive build and dark, beady eyes, and his general serial-killer vibe. He felt a warmth build in his chest at her compliment and smiled gratefully.

“So do the three of you go camping often?” she asked.

“We usually go every weekend unless one of us is busy. Actually, it’s been a while since we went camping because Johnny and Gaz always have prior plans on the weekend.”

“And you never did?” 

Simon felt needles pricking him in the chest and he chuckled painfully at the question. “I rarely have plans with anyone except the lads. I normally spend my weekends going on long rides or I’d visit my family.” He inhaled the scent of the pattering rain, “I don’t have a lot of friends besides the lads and you.”

She gave him a sympathetic look and turned back to the rain. Feeling a shiver course through her body, she instinctively moved closer to Simon and sat shoulder to shoulder with him. “It’s cold,” she shivered and rubbed her goosebumped arms, “and I left my hoodie in the tent too.”

Simon immediately saw his chance and opened up the thin but warm blanket he was wrapped in. “We can share the blanket if you want to,” he invited, holding one of the corners of the blanket in his hand, opening it out to her.

She didn’t hesitate to move closer to him, and as she did, his arm wrapped around her shoulder and pulled her still closer, draping the large blanket over her body. Their legs pressed together, her shoulder pressed against his side, and her head found itself resting in the divot of his shoulder. His body radiated heat like a loaf of freshly baked banana bread that she couldn’t help but snuggle closer to him. Simon blushed and blushed; he was over the moon. Her closeness only increased his body heat and started revving his heart’s engines. He silently thanked the rain for being a wingman. 

As if in response to his silent gratitude, a cold wind blew, sending a spray of rain their way. Simon quickly raised the blanket over her face to shield her. 

“This man is forged by Chivalry himself,” she thought. “Oh wait, that’s a brilliant line! I should write it down.” But when she realised she didn’t bring her phone with her, she had to resort to carefully stashing it in her mind. For now, she decided to focus on how jittery and warm his touch made her feel, and wanting more of it, she moved closer again.

At her slight movement, his head turned slightly, hyper aware of how close his face was to hers. “Are you warm, darling?” He whispered, his voice carrying a slight tremor of the nervousness of a reclusive man experiencing an unknown but pleasant feeling.

“Warm and toasty like a marshmallow,” she answered, grinning gleefully at him.

His body burned at the sight of her smile. He tightened his arm around her shoulder, and she could feel his muscles tense and flex around her neck, and his fingers grazed lightly against her upper arm. His rugged shoulder was under her soft cheek. The damp air, the smell of laundry detergent and rainforest cologne from his clothes wafted to her nose, reminding her of the night she first met him. He could smell femininity from her proximity, and he inhaled sharply, pursing his lips tight and fighting the urge to lean down and kiss her senseless. 

“Simon,” she called, her voice soft.

“Yeah?” 

“You said you don’t have a lot of friends,” she began and then paused for a moment, “Were you never in contact with anyone from school or university?” 

She felt his body go stiff; she didn’t see it in the dark, but his jaw tightened too, and he answered through his teeth, “No darling, not one contact…”

His voice trailed off and a heavy silence from him followed. She sensed that there was something more hiding behind his tense answer, a hidden, brewing, twisting whirlpool in a blackened vase. She was afraid to pry, but her concern and curiosity overcame her. “How come?” she asked.

She could feel his chest expand as he inhaled a sharp, whistled breath. He cautioned in a whisper, “Darling, it’s not a pretty story.” His voice was solemn, and she understood that what was behind the reason was truly heavy and unpleasant. 

“Do you not want to tell me? She pressed gently, “I understand if you don’t want to.”

He looked at her, brows furrowed, eyes slightly narrowed, and jaw still taut. “If I tell you, you might hate me.” he thought, weighing his options. He knew that if he was to possibly date her one day, he’d have to reveal his murky past either way. And he wasn’t dating her now so, “the sooner the better. If she hates me now, so be it.” 

“Well…” he began, “As a lad, I was, to put it mildly, in bad company. And this bad company scared off any potential friends I could’ve made in school.” He paused, letting that information sink in first.

She asked, “What was this-” in air quotes, “-“bad company”?” 

No more beating around the bush when he admitted directly, “I was in a gang.” When he saw her wide eyes, he added, “Can’t get a lot of good friends in a gang, can you? Everyone and their mum would be too scared to associate.” 

She was silent for a while, and he looked at her with pursed lips and a tense brow, worried about her silence. “That’s…” she began, “wow.” She turned to look at him, and her eyes swept over his dark silhouette with a look that told him that she started to view him differently. She was both worried and intrigued by this; her opportunistic writer’s mind was selfishly curious. She shook off the feeling and chided herself to have some empathy for him. 

He’d half expected she’d get up and leave and never speak to him again, but her voice was still soft when she asked, “Why were you in a gang anyway?”

She was beginning to step deeper and deeper into the most vulnerable parts of him, and it made his stomach churn anxiously like a beaker filled with all the wrong chemicals. His knee bounced restlessly and he answered, “Didn’t have a lot of friends, darling. Johnny was my only friend back then, but I wanted more…” he inhaled shakily, “I wanted a whole group of friends. A clique. A posse.”

She looked understandingly at him, leaning a little further against his shoulder. His arm tightened around her shoulders, as if wanting more of and appreciating her support.

“I was about fourteen, right, and at that difficult age, fitting in with your peers means everything,” he sighed, absentmindedly rubbing his thumb against her shoulder, filling her with a warmth that she sadly had to ignore so that she could pay attention to him, “and I was invited to join the gang that had their turf around my school. One of the olders- that’s what the higher ranking members were called- scouted me and Johnny off the street. Johnny refused, but I accepted almost immediately.”

Her gaze never left him, even though he stared straight ahead at the now rainy lake. “And what was that like, being in a gang?” she asked.

“It was kind of fun at first to be honest, but the novelty wears off soon enough. It’s a dangerous, reckless business, especially for kids. You’re always being stopped by the police and searched for small knives, and they can even sniff out the safehouses where we stash drugs and weapons. There are always ongoing feuds between gangs, and the older, higher ranking members use the younger kids as their soldiers. The feuds can sometimes turn into turf wars too.” 

“Turf wars?”

“Each gang has their own territory, and there are consequences if you trespass. But the gang I was in was a strong one, and we had beaten down enough smaller gangs to expand our area in London, where I lived.”

There was a pause and she sat pondering for a moment. “Have you directly participated in a turf war, though?” she questioned.

“A couple, yes. As one of the youngers myself, I had to.” he nodded. He paused, pursing his lips for a moment before he admitted, “The last one I’ve been in landed me in prison.”

Her eyes flew wide with shock. “In prison?” she exclaimed.

Simon grimaced at her reaction, his worries only increasing. “I don’t think you want to know the details, darling.”

“But now I’m really curious,”

He hesitated. Well, he had come this far; there was no backing out now. He fiddled with his fingers as he continued, “I went to prison at the humble age of fourteen for… manslaughter.”

He now feared that she would definitely walk off and leave, but she sat there, still close next to him, her eyes widening further. She was frozen in silence for a long time, considering how he could have committed such a gruesome crime at such a young age. The patter of the rain and the howl of the wind filled the brief, heavy silence.

“I didn’t enjoy it,” he blurted truthfully, hoping it would keep her from seeing him as a heartless killer, “It was all an in-the-heat-of-the-moment thing. We got ganged up on in an alley, me and two other of my lads against five. It was a stab fest from there. Three were heavily injured, one of which succumbed to their injuries, and I killed the other two by stabbing them in the neck and chest,” he paused to point to his neck and then his heart. She could vaguely make out the remorse on his face in the darkness as he whispered, “I stabbed them like I was the senate stabbing Caesar.” 

Her jaw slackened and her brows furrowed, almost feeling like a cold blade had sunk into her own body upon hearing this dreadful account. Her chest tightened and her stomach and she felt a painful throb in her heart as she imagined what the situation would have looked like.

“I was stabbed too, in many places,” he said, turning his head and pointing to the curious scar on his cheek. As he pointed at a spot on the left side of his chest, his stomach, and his right thigh, he could remember how it felt to have the short, cold knives sink into his skin, how they twisted harshly enough to wring out strangled screams from his mouth and his lifeblood out of the wounds. As his fingers passed over the scars under the fabric of his t-shirt, they thrummed and tingled in response to his memories.

Her features winced as she imagined a juvenile Simon drenched in his own blood and the blood of his victims, staggering and out of breath as he remorsefully stared at the work of his hands, feeling the weight of his guilty conscience and of the heavy hand of the law that would soon follow. 

“Proper gangs are rarely in the business of killing, and they won’t kill unless they absolutely have to. As the youngers, we were instructed only to injure and never kill, because dead men tell no tales, and it’ll only start a vendetta. But I killed. And the two other lads who were with me abandoned me and didn’t want to associate,” he shook his head, “So much for wanting new friends.”

“Were you ever found out by your family?” she asked when she found her voice.

“Yeah, by my elder brother. The alley where the stabbing took place was not too far from our old residence, and Tommy happened to be taking a shortcut to go home. On the way, he caught me slinking around. When he saw all the blood on me, he was shocked. Bombarded me with tons of questions. He was furious when I told him everything and he smuggled me to our uncle John’s place.”

She grimaced slightly at the mention of her ex. Now that she thought of it, she remembered John telling her back then of his family member who was in prison, and of his visits there. To think that it had to be the same man in front of her.

Simon continued, “Tommy and I told our uncle about the whole thing and at first, he refused to shelter me since he didn’t want to get in trouble with the law. But after some convincing, he showed me some pity and let me stay with him. Of course, he didn’t do so without a price,” he paused to chuckle bitterly at the pun on his uncle’s surname, “the price being a severe lecture as he treated my wounds.” 

The lady sighed, feeling pity for him, and even a little for John too.

“Eventually,” he shifted in his seat, “the police found me, came knocking on my uncle’s door. He had no choice but to surrender me to them, and I was angry with him for it. But I guess it was for the best.”

There was a pause from him for a moment. She gently pried, “and what happened after that?”

“I was taken to court. Me and the lads who were with me,” he answered, “They got a slightly lighter sentence. A couple measly years in prison and rehab for them. But mine was pretty severe, even for a fourteen year old. Eight years in prison and rehab. Ten years if I was remorseless, but my guilt lightened my sentence.”

She gulped harshly, unable to imagine such a young boy in prison. “And your family… how did they take it?”

He let out a laboured sigh, his gaze towards the rainy lake going out of focus as he vividly recalled the reactions of his parents. “My mum was inconsolable. She cried when she heard about what I did. She cried in court and she cried nearly everyday I was in prison. Uncle and Tommy tried to comfort her, but she wouldn’t be comforted. It was only when I assured her that I was undergoing rehab and continuing my schooling from prison that she felt a little relieved.”

Her shoulders relaxed when she heard that. “What about your dad?”

She felt his body stiffen. He was silent for a moment before he answered sorrowfully, “My dad… he was deployed in Iraq when he heard of this. He was angry with me– actually, angry is an understatement, he was livid. If it weren’t for my mum and uncle, he’d have disowned me already.”

“Disowned!” she exclaimed softly.

“Yeah, disowned. Being a Colonel in the Army, he didn’t want a criminal, murderer son. He thought it was disgraceful and embarrassing.” he answered bitterly, “I can clearly remember the time he came to visit me in prison for the first and last time. He said, “having a son like you is worse than death”.”

The lady was shocked to hear this. “He said that?” Her brows furrowed and she felt a twinge in her heart. “That’s awful. How could he be so heartless and say that to a child?”

“Yeah…” his voice trailed off, “But he’s always been like that. Strict and hard on both me and my brother. I never liked him. I always wondered what mum saw in him to love.” He ran a hand through his hair wearily, “He was an absent father, physically and emotionally. My mum knew it. She didn’t want us to be without a positive male role model, so she asked her younger brother to help her raise us. That’s where uncle John comes in. I liked him way better.”

She pursed her lips, now understanding why Simon and John were so tight-knit. She then asked, “Did your dad ever get over this? I mean, it’s been years now.”

He sighed yet again, shaking his head resignedly. “Not at all. He refused to visit me in prison, refused to talk to me after I was released, and still doesn’t want to talk to me. From what I hear from Tommy, it seems that I have ruined his reputation as an officer and a father by being a criminal.” 

Her heart sank. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t have to see his face to understand that he was deeply hurt by his father’s treatment. Looking down, she saw his clenched, trembling fist resting on his thigh. She gingerly placed her hand over his fist. It took him a moment but his fist loosened, and she gently stroked the back of his hand with her thumb to console him.

“I'm so sorry, Simon,” she whispered, her voice cracking slightly. 

Simon drew in a shaky breath, relieved that she was still by his side after hearing about his pathetic past. Her gentle touch soothed and calmed his anxieties and fears. “It's fine,” he managed to croak out, his reassurance ending in a weary sigh, “It's fine.”

“And now there's the family reunion to go to.” 

“I didn't want to go,” he admitted, “I only agreed for mum's sake. I honestly don't want to face my dad and have him look at me like I'm…” his jaw clenched, “the scum of the earth.”

She eased her caress on the back of his hand, and slipped her hand into his, giving him a squeeze so gentle it gave him butterflies. 

“Don't worry, you won't have to face him alone,” she declared quietly, “You've always had my back, and now it's my turn to have yours. If he or anyone says anything bad about you, I’ll fight them!” 

He chuckled at her determination and squeezed her hand back, feeling relief so strong that it felt like he was a barren land being bathed in rain for the first time in years. “You are too sweet,” he said, smiling a little. 

“Only for you, because you're special,” she giggled. 

An overwhelming feeling of warmth enveloped his body at her words. You’re special. The words replayed in his mind like a broken vinyl record. A lump choked his throat, and his eyes nearly welled up and burned with tears that threatened to spill over. He blinked them back quickly and steadied his breathing, not wanting her to know or see. He squeezed her shoulder, saying breathlessly, “Thank you.”

“Anything for you,” she couldn't help but think, almost wanting to lean in and kiss his forehead to reassure him further. But she held back. 

The two then sat in comfortable silence watching the rain until Simon felt the lady's weight grow heavier against him. He tilted his head down to check on her. 

“Darling?”

Silence. 

He strained his eyes in the dark and saw that she was fast asleep. Even in the loud patter of the rain, he could clearly hear her soft breathing. His heart melted at the sight. He had just revealed to her the bloodiest stain on his past and she still trusted him enough to fall asleep on his shoulder? Simon's chest swelled with elation and joy to witness such love from her. 

Peeking over her other side, he noticed Little Simon looking cold and forlorn. Smiling, he carefully reached over and took the soft toy, and lifting her arm up slightly, he tucked the little fellow against her stomach. He then adjusted the blanket over her so that she could experience maximum warmth. 

And then, the cherry on top. 

He lightly pressed his lips against her forehead, whispering with a tenderness foreign to him,

“Good night, my love.” 

End of Part 11.

Part 12

--

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[hellfire--cult]

Baring Teeth {Eddie Munson x Reader} - Chapters and Warnings

Picture for Banner: pitifulbaby

Chapters: Warnings - Ch. 1 - Ch. 2 - Ch.3 - Ch. 4 - Ch. 5 - Ch. 6 - Ch. 7 - Ch. 8 🔥 - Ch. 9 🔥 - Ch. 10 - Ch. 11 - Ch. 12 - Ch. 13 - Ch. 14 - Ch. 15 - Ch. 16 - Ch. 17 🔥

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Tropes: Enemies to Lovers, Non-Traditional Omegaverse, Slow burn, Modern!AU

Warnings: Ab*se, Violence, Mental Health, Cursing, Smut, oral sex, p in v, unprotected sex, A/B/O dynamics but not explicit, dirty talking, breeding kink, bdsm, choking, mental abuse, manipulation, depression, self sabotage

Crossposted on: Wattpad & AO3

-----------------------------

Summary:

The world only reigns in Betas, the middle in between an Alpha and Omega, someone who provides children with the adequate amount of treatments and prescriptions in medications, making them fertile. That is how the world procreated and mutated into just this kind of gender.

Alphas and Omegas were a myth.

Normal jobs, normal people, normal life, great friends. That's what you want. But of course, there's always a needle somewhere that pokes and doesn't stop. Yours was called Eddie Munson.

--------------------------

This has Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics. Let me be clear, NONE of this is going to be relevant till a certain part of the story. It is a very important dynamic indeed, but there's no explicit behaviour in the characters at the beginning or in the middle of it. Like literally, PACKS DO NOT EVEN EXIST.

The smut will be MILD. I know that Omegaverse tends to go EXPLICIT, but I do not write that. There will be at some point, mentions of rut, heat, and other things that I will explain along the way. But if you are uncomfortable at some point, do not read. There will be though, dirty talking, because it cannot really be avoided. But it won't happen in all the smut, I promise.

Just treat this as a normal Enemies to Lovers AU, until the Omegaverse lore appears which won't be too explicit.

No Stranger Things lore involved.

Slowburn, of course. 

Specific topics will be included that may be triggering to some: ab*se, violence, drugs, mental health, and cursing.

There'll be no usage of Y/N in this story. 

I do not own ANY of the characters involved.

The picture of Eddie in the cover (Which is property of Pitifulbaby on tumblr) is actually how Eddie looks in this AU. Same old metal head, just with a beard and using manbuns.

-----------------------------------------------------

Now: Let's go over some definitions if you are not familiar in the Omegaverse universe. (ADAPTED TO THIS STORY, OF COURSE)

- Alphas: In some stories, they may exhibit "dominant" behavior or have other temperamental quirks. They are able to impregnate Omegas. Male Alphas usually have a knot when aroused, and they go into rut for a specific amount of time.

- Betas: Betas are often presented as having "normal" human anatomy, with none of the special attributes of Alphas or Omegas. They may be the peacemakers between Alphas and Omegas. They cannot impregnate or get pregnant if not going through special treatment to do so.

- Omegas: They can get pregnant and go into heat for a few days, depending the person. Omegas are often portrayed as the most fragile of the hierarchy, with frailer bodies and painful presentations.

Alphas and Omegas have SCENT glands. They have them on their neck, wrists, and sometimes on their ankles. While Alphas scents are usually musky, dominant, rough; Omegas have a sweet, peachy kind of smell.

This scent only becomes stronger as they go into rut or in heat.

Alphas and Omegas also have a Mating gland, something that Betas do not have. This is always positioned between the junction of the neck and shoulder, and they have to bite one another to seal their bond, and be forever mates. 

It can happen that one of the two might not seal the bond, and not bite the other person. The bite will disappear in time, as well as the bond that the person that bit created, but it is a painful process for the biter. 

As there are no Alphas or Omegas in this story, the world is as we know it, except for the fertility treatments people have to go through to get a baby. 

There are no packs, no 'pups' as people call the children in this AU.

(If you have more questions, please don't be afraid to ask!)

-----------------------------------------

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[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Silver Lining 13

Warnings: non/dubcon, speech impediment, bullying and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: silverfox!Bucky Barnes

Summary: You have an unpleasant encounter with an older man.

Part of the Silverfox AU

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

You lay under the covers, hiding. From the world, from the man on the other side of those walls, from yourself. You just want this to be over with. You want to go home and be alone.

You roll over and sink down beneath the flannel and heavy quilt. They smell like laundry detergent. Not a bad smell, just strong. You’re not crying, you won’t let yourself get that far again. You just can’t stop thinking.

Mr. Rogers face imprints in your mind. You just see his face every time you blink. You feel his grip on your, moving you, using you. You whimper as a flash of his office replaces the dim bedroom around you.

You sit up, ready to scream. GO AWAY!

As scalding as the memories you tried so hard to forget is the embarrassment of your outburst. You though you and Bucky were coming to an accord. That you were getting along but he just had to keep pushing and pushing, needling at the sore spot until you came unraveled. You can only blame him so much. You’re responsible for your own behaviour.

You hear the stairs creak and you hug the blankets as you listen. His footfalls come down the hallways and you see his shadow beneath the door. He stops there and you brace yourself for his knock. It doesn’t come. He continues down the hall and clears his throat loudly.

Hinges softly whine and his voice startles you, “hey, yeah it’s me. You get home okay?”

The door shuts out his next words as it clicks sharply. You can hear his muffled tones but you can’t make out the words. He must be on the phone with someone. You think you know who.

You sit up and drag yourself over to the window. You look out at the lazily drifts of snows. It’s slowed but what’s fallen is deep and treacherous. It’s like a scene out of a fantasy show.

You huff and back away from the window. You’re not getting anywhere. You cross your arms and plod around the room, restless as your stomach swims with your dinner and the craft beer. You’ve never been one for alcohol.

You won't sleep like this but you don't know how to go out and face him. Every time you think you've found peace, it crumbles into another petty argument. You don't think you've ever fought so vehemently with anyone. No one's ever pushed your buttons so easily.

His low tones continue to roll through the air as you walk in circles, lost in anxiety. You just have to wait out this storm. After the last blow up, you doubt he'll want to hold you to your promise. He has the script, he can figure it out.

His door opens again. He's silent as you hear his advance outside the room. He stops again, this time he knocks. You stop in place and hesitate.

"Hey, if you're awake..." he says.

You march to the door and open it an inch, peeking out at him, "a-awake."

"Right, uh," he seems almost surprised by your abrupt response, "I just wanted to apologize. Again. I know I keep doing this but I swear I'm trying not to."

"Mm," you purse your lips and nod, "y-yeah..."

"So we can just focus on the podcast. I still wanted to show you the studio... if you're not too tired."

You stare at him. It would be a good distraction, even with him. You can't just hide away. This is his house.

"S-sounds good," you let the door fall open.

His throat bobs and he exhales, "great."

He turns, beckoning you with jab of his finger ahead. You follow him. He's being nice at least. As nice as you can hope for.

He leads you down the stairs and stops in the kitcheb to grab a flashlight from a drawer. The house is getting darker by the minute. He points you to a door across from kitchen.

He opens it and holds it open, waiting for you to descend first. You take the steps on at a time, your hand firmly on the railing. You turn the corner and come to even ground, looking around at the spacious basement as he flashes the beam around, guiding your gaze.

The walls are cover in black-grey sound proofing and a desk is set up with a monitor and microphone, another table with various equipment atop it just on the other side. There's a clear booth build around the desk, likely to keep the sound concentrated in one area. He steps down behind you and you sidle out of his way.

"I've done some sound tests. I think it works pretty good but it's hard with just one person," he explains, "wouldn't mind having a second set of ears..."

He shoves a hand in his pocket as he paces, his other hand moving with his words.

"R-really? Even a-after... earl-earlier?" You ask meekly.

"It's been a stressful day. We can just let it go," he shrugs. "We were getting along, weren't we?"

"Y-yeah," you agree.

"So let's go back to that," he says, "forget everything else. In the morning, the plows will clear all the mess away and I'll take you home but tonight you're going to have to put up with me."

"G-guess I can t-try," you utter as you bring your hands up and rub them together.

"Cold?" He wonders.

You nod. Down here, you can see your breath. He backs up, "let's go. Powers gonna stay out for a while. You're welcome to sleep by the fire for the night. This place is frigid."

"Um, m-maybe," you step past him as he points you upstairs. He trails you, the light glaring around your figure and casting a shadow ahead of you.

"Well, you can at least finish your beer," he insists, "I'll crack a second and see if it doesn't mellow me out."

You nod as you get to the top and move out of his way, "th-thanks."

"Well, you know, I do listen. You were right... about my manners. I'm working on it... trying not to be stubborn old man.”

[frostycatblr-fandom-files]

Sorry, Wrong Comms! Masterlist

Season one Bad Batch AU fic; our favorite squadron of rouge Clones escapes the Empire (some more reluctantly than others) post Order 66 and do their best to make their way in a turbulent galaxy. When a medical emergency puts one of their own at risk, they're forced to seek out medical help, and end up forging a friendship in the woman who kindly helps them.

She may be a simple medic, but she's no stranger to the sick and injured of the galaxy, even when things get grisly once more for the Bad Batch...

Please mind the warnings for each chapter as there are things like vague medical terminology, near death(s), mild injury description + care, blood, drugs (both medical and **recreational references), use of restraints, needles (autoinjectors), nausea and non-descriptive mentions of vomit, language and minor adult themes throughout the series.

*RATING: 16+ | STATUS: Complete | POV: 3rd Person | Fem Reader

🩺Chapter 1

🩺Chapter 2

🩺Chapter 3

🩺Chapter 4

🩺Chapter 5

🩺Chapter 6

🩺Chapter 7

🩺Chapter 7.5

🩺Chapter 8

🩺Chapter 9

🩺Chapter 10

🩺Chapter 11

🩺Chapter 12

Started: 5/1/2023 | Finished: 7/24/2023 | Total word count: 82,209

*I am aware chapters will say "Intended audience is 13+"; these were written some time ago and new edits will not always "take" when I have tried to save them.

**This is a one-time occurrence.

[diazsdimples]

Tease Tidbit Tuesday

The beans are slowly dripping away. Annoyingly I've had more beans to write this week since I've started uni, but am currently the sickest I've been in a while (3 weeks people! 3 weeks I've been sick and I'm OVER IT) so I've struggled through some intense brain fog for this little bit. Hopefully that explains why it's not so great 😅 please enjoy some Frostpunk AU!

Buck follows hurriedly behind the medics carrying Edmundo’s tired body, tripping through the drifts of snow packed against the pathway. He’s met with a blast of warm air as he pushes through the tent flaps, his skin prickling as he acclimatises to the temperature change. The medics quickly transfer Edmundo onto a cot and begin to cut the thick winter clothes from his body. Buck notices they’ve done the same to Christopher in the cot beside him, and have wrapped him in a thin, foil blanket. “Wait, w-won’t he get colder without clothes?” Buck asks, heart in his mouth as he grabs the arm of a passing medic. The guy shrugs him off, a tray of needles and long tubes in his hands, and strides over to Christopher’s side. “The foil retains their body heat and we’re going to pump them both with warm fluids,” the medic explains as he rubs the crook of Christopher’s elbow with an alcohol wipe, before tying a torniquet around the kid’s arm, encouraging his tiny veins to the surface. Buck swallows thickly and silently wills himself not to throw up as he watches the bevel of the needle slide in, granting the medics intravenous access. Beside Edmundo’s cot, there’s a team of senior medics standing around, their faces grave as they take Edmundo’s pulse, check pupillary response, listen to his lungs, and take his temperature. Edmundo shifts under their touches and lets out a small whine of discomfort as a thermometer probe is shove roughly under his tongue. In a flash, Buck is by his bedside, muscling through the team to give him space to crouch down at the man’s side and take his hand. Without really thinking about it, Buck laces their fingers together and gives them a reassuring squeeze. “Hey, it’s okay,” he whispers into Edmundo’s ear as the man twists and turns as the medics continue to poke at him, his face pulling into an unhappy grimace. “We got you back. You made it. You’re safe.” Edmundo’s eyes flutter open, hazy and unfocussed, but with the way he tosses his head from side to side, as though searching for something, his intent is clear. He’s looking for his son. Buck smooths a hand through Edmundo’s hair, marvelling at the silky feeling as it slips through his fingers, despite the time he’s spent exposed to the elements. He cups Edmundo’s cheek, gently encouraging his head in Buck’s direction. “Christopher’s safe,” Buck says, his thumb brushing over Edmundo’s cheekbone. “He’s right next to you, you probably can’t see him cause he’s got a load of doctors around him too, but he’s there. We’ve got you.”

Tagging @theotherbuckley @hippolotamus @watchyourbuck @daffi-990 @puppyboybuckley @disasterbuckdiaz @spotsandsocks @exhuastedpigeon @rainbow-nerdss @wildlife4life @buckbuckgoose @bucksbackwardcap @evanbegins @cal-daisies-and-briars @fortheloveofbuddie @steadfastsaturnsrings @spagheddiediaz @loserdiaz @giddyupbuck @aroeddiediaz @jesuisici33 @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @kitteneddiediaz @elvensorceress @thekristen999 @actuallyitsellie @wikiangela @epicbuddieficrecs @underwater-ninja-13 @shortsighted-owl (let me know if you want adding or removing)

[no-name-blu]

Back at it again to drop 20 random facts about Gameshow Host! Wally AU

Part 1

1. Wally is actually good at being manipulative. He learned from the best

2. Wally is a nerd who does math for fun

3. He reads the newspaper like the old man he is. But he mostly does it for the comics

4. Attempting to run away from the studio leads Home to drag him back, backrooms style. Unless Wally is unconscious, which will make things harder for Home.

5. Barnaby found him unconscious and tried to hide him for safety. Unfortunately Wally has a huge fears of trees and Barnaby hid him there. Making it harder for Wally to regain consciousness.

6. The fear of needles and sharp objects came from Home whenever he's going to erase his memories.

7. Wally is scared of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

8. Wally knows how he was created and he is traumatized by it. He wants to forget it.

9. Wally knows Home's origin but he is not allowed to tell anyone. I'm not allowed to say why.

10. Time is nothing but a fake graph people used to make it make sense. The AU takes place in the mid or late 70s but Wally can still know present times pop culture.

11. It was Wally's idea to make a gameshow. Why? He notices how it's mostly about exposing the contestants for entertainment. And he knows it's perfect for Home's needs.

12. Wally used to enjoy the deaths, but when he learns more about the contestant's life stories, he would question the morality of it all

13. He started being against the killings when he killed Poppy.

14. My other AUs are his brothers (Ride The Cyclone AU and Broken Theatre AU). He knows they exist but chances of them meeting is low. He really wishes he could see them one day.

15. If ever Wally is going to be replaced by someone else, he would have to die since he's no longer useful to Home.

16. The audience members are basically like the minions. Yes. Those yellow things.

17. Each of them got their own names and personality. They do have a backstory, surprise surprise. But I'm not allowed to tell.

18. Humans and puppets co-exist in this AU. Puppets have their own guts and blood.

19. When Wally look into someone's eyes, he can see their memories.

20. No matter what he says, Home is capable of love and friendship. The possibility of that is very very very very low

[lihhelsing]

Ali's Masterpost

Welcome to my masterpost! Nice to see you ❤️

Where to find me?

twitter and ao3

My Tumblr prompts, microfics and ficlets are here.

On-Going Fics

you're under my skin (burning in my bloodstream)

steddie | rockstar au | explicit | 40k+ | 3/7

Read it Here Steve's not sure why he keeps betting on things with Robin when he knows he's going to lose. Except this time the bet ends up with him getting his nipple pierced and it seems like the guy who's about to run a needle through his skin is hotter than Steve expected and he's having trouble keeping it together. But after a charged first encounter, Steve has no way to get in touch with Eddie and thinks he lost his chance until he runs into him in the most unexpected of places and finds out Eddie is a lot more than Steve initially thought. OR; Eddie gives Steve a piercing and Steve is clueless about his true identity.

If I fall for you, I'll never recover

steddie | supernatural elements | explicit | 30k+ | 7/10

Read it Here Befriending Dustin Henderson and the party come with the added bonus of weekly family dinners at Steve Harrington's house, of all people. Eddie expects him to be a jerk but he is not. He's actually... Nice? It's a shock for him, too All of a sudden, it's like Steve is everywhere. It's like Eddie fits in with them in a way he never did before, and it feels nice, even if Steve is super territorial about the people he cares about. Eddie just didn't think he would ever be one of them. He also didn't think he would care so much about Steve. On some nights he even thinks this crush of his might be something else. Something that dangerously looks like love.

Completed fics under the cut

Steve Harrington's (not so) Secret Advent Calendar

steddie | christmas themed | explicit | 19k | One-Shot

Read It Here What do you mean friends don’t make friends super elaborated Advent Calendars just for the sake of it? Or; Eddie and Steve had been fooling around for a year when Steve decided it was time to make a move and make things official in the form of 24 presents right before Christmas.

To-Do: Eddie Munson

steddie | Modern AU | explicit | 14k | 4/4

Read it Here Steve started sending his to-do lists to famous rockstar Eddie Munson as sort of an inside joke. It wasn't like Eddie would ever look at the DMs from a no-one called Steve Harrington. Right? Or; Steve's been using Eddie Munson's DMs as his personal notes up until the day Eddie actually replies to him.

The World Ends With You

steddie | Apocalypse AU | Explicit | 70k | 13/13 | Steddie BigBang #019

Read it Here After the world ended and the undead creatures were everywhere, Steve Harrington survived by isolating himself. Completely alone in a house, he barely knows what to do when someone breaks in. Injured and alone, Eddie Munson slowly wins Steve’s trust as they navigate surviving together in the middle of the Apocalypse and their relationship grows into something Steve can’t quite understand. But just as he has his share of secrets, Eddie has some of his own and this might be enough to get in the way of whatever they were building together.

Just a Lost Boy (not ready to be found)

steddie | Stripper AU | Explicit | 90k | 12/12

Read it Here Steve desperately needed an out. He couldn't handle his own life anymore, he needed to leave everything he'd ever known behind. And yet, he couldn't. His husband wouldn't let him leave like that. Not when Steve felt like a prize to him, something to be owned. And Steve didn't have the money to leave him because he'd been dumb and trusting and in love. And then, there's Eddie. Who might be just another client but he makes Steve feels things and Steve doesn't want to fucking feel anything right now. He just wants to leave. OR; Stripper Steve meets Eddie at work and Eddie can be precisely what Steve needs. Can offer him the chance of leaving his own life behind, if Steve plays his cards right.

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

The brotherless/what was taken au

Reader is an asshole. Snarky. Smartass. Rude for no reason. Just basically a prick. But there is something sincere abt them that Sun thinks is good. Moon likes the challenge, likes how stubborn and abrasive they are, but can tell that something has made them that way, the same way the virus made him into something different. Either way, both are curious about the reader, who seems equally as interested in them.

Takes place a few years (15? Maybe?) after Plex catches fire and closes permanently. Some unnamed company has dug out what was left behind and is messing around with the animatronics to see how damaged they are. Reader is hired for the Sun/Moon tasks. The company’s goal is to trace back what happened to the Plex, why it happened, and who was involved. When the project is done, the suitable animatronics (the ones cleared of the virus) will be given a chance to return to the world and carry on with whatever sort of life they wish, with close supervision for six months to a year to be sure they’re hospitable enough to live with the public.

Sun/Moon are kept in a square, bland as hell room with a big window on one side. This leads to an observation room where a staff member (reader) can talk to, interact with the animatronics without being close to them, and manage controls for the room. Sun/Moon are hooked up to a system by a series of chords that stretch from their back. These control them: turn them on and off, which parts of their body they can move, give short correctional shocks, basically can keep them easily under control and helpless. If they remove the chords, they power down immediately. There’s no way to get rid of the chords or ignore what they do.

Reader gives them simple tasks. “Pretend this teddy bear” a teddy bear is dropped into the room “is a distressed child. What do you do?” They ask them basic questions. “What were you built to do?” “What is 13 multiplied by 24?” “Why is the sky blue?” “Who created you?” Just testing their knowledge. What they know. About themselves, about the world. Sometimes they’re rude and play tricks on the animatronic for no reason. They don’t hurt them- just kind of push them around. Sun gets attached, with how Reader is, at heart, a jokester, and, when fixing any broken parts Sun/Moon are discovered to have, diligent and careful, making sure everything is as it should be, asking how they are feeling every step of the way.

Moon is still partially warped by the virus and rarely comes out. When he does, reader turns intense, borderline vicious, needles him and antagonizes him. They’ve got a fight to pick with him, it’s obvious, but neither Sun nor Moon can remember much from before the fire.

But reader went to the Plex as a child, often. And they remember everything.

-

Aka, reader is the older sibling of one of the kids Moon lured away, and even if it’s been years, that’s years they’ve spent seething and hurting, and they still want answers- and for Sun and Moon to regret what they did, and regret it properly

Also could be considered an unlikely enemies-to-tolerance-to-friends-to-confused-but-might-be-crushing relationship! Reader has always thought they knew what they’d do if they ever got the chance to make Moon pay for it all, but suddenly they’re here and he’s there and they’re both stupid and hurting and shells of themselves and neither is sure what they want anymore

[thornilee013]

Needle AU Masterpost of Posts (Part One)

PARTS: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25

26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34,35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50

51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99

PART TWO

[riversdarkblog]

Discription: Stonecrest was just like any other town back in the days. What changed throughout the years since 1950 is that it started to become a ghost town. People started going missing at any time of the day. They barricaded their windows and doors. Soon people had forgotten about the town that was in the middle of nowhere and stopped visiting it.

Y/N a 19 year old girl who had just started college and was in her first semester break with her girlfriend and their friends. They all decided to take a road trip in the short bus that they bought.

Pairings: Dark Serial Killer Leonora Lesso x Reader, Dark Serial Killer Natasha Romanoff x Reader, Dark Serial Killer Maria Hill x Reader, Dark Serial Killer Nemuri Kayama x Reader, Dark Serial Killer Yelena Belova x Reader & Dark Serial Killer Peggy Carter x Reader

Warnings ⚠️: DARK THEMES!, Guns, Knives, Blood, more Blood, Stabbing, Shooting, Fighting, Killing, Break Ups, Hallucinations, Drugging, Smoking, Alcohol Consumption, Gore, Jealousy, Manipulation, Scars, Cuts, Bruises, Broken Bones, Broken Glass, Stalking, Knife Marking, Sadism, Height Difference, Age Difference, Slight Size Difference, Blackmail, Possessiveness, Mentions of Kidnapping, Immortality, Breaking In, Fire, Other Weapons, Guts, Blood Drinking, Psychotic Behavior, Multiple Deaths, Needles, Torture, Poison, Vivisepulture (Buried Alive), Dismemberment, Cannibalism, Explosion, Nightmares, Getting Arrested, Car Accident, Mentions Of Cheating, Strangulation, Decapitation, Amnesia, Drowning, Skinning, Arson, Stockholm Syndrome, Creepy Phone Calls, Dirt Bike Crashes & Angst

A/N: If you don't like this kind of stuff please don't read it! Thank you!

𝔐𝔢𝔢𝔱 𝔗𝔥𝔢 ℭ𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔰:

Y/N Y/L/N-

Leonora Lesso-

Natasha Romanoff-

Maria Hill-

Nemuri Kayama-

Yelena Belova-

Peggy Carter-

ℭ𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔰:

| Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 |

| Leonora Lesso Backstory | Maria Hill Backstory | Natasha Romanoff Backstory | | Nemuri Kayama Backstory | Yelena Belova Backstory | Peggy Carter Backstory |

𝔒𝔫𝔢-𝔰𝔥𝔬𝔱𝔰:

~None Yet (TBD)

𝔇𝔯𝔞𝔟𝔟𝔩𝔢𝔰:

~None Yet (TBD)

ℌ𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔠𝔞𝔫𝔬𝔫𝔰:

~None Yet (TBD)

𝔐𝔬𝔬𝔡𝔟𝔬𝔞𝔯𝔡𝔰:

Leonora Lesso

Natasha Romanoff

Maria Hill

Nemuri Kayama

Yelena Belova

Peggy Carter

[skzoologist]

Unfamiliarity [four]

word count: ~13, 2k

genre: Hybrid AU, no pairings

warnings: panic attacks, heavy signs of PTSD, even heavier hints of being experimented at, past abuse, occasional curse words, hurt/comfort, the inability to recognise and process emotions well, fear of doctors and needles

summary: Bae was making good progress at healing, but then the others decided to house another trauma-magnet.

a/n: Hey-ho! I SO BADLY wanted to post it on Han day, because he finally appears in it, but I was late like, 8 minutes. I am devastated. But at least it still makes sense to read on Felix day, because he channels his babygirl energy in this chapter dangerously well. As promised, here is an even longer chapter, as compensation for disappearing last time, I hope you'll enjoy. At this rate I won't even hit 10 chapters, the story will end because I keep posting over 10k word long chapters...

Please let me know if I left a warning or anything out, I will add it in! Reblogs, likes and feedback are greatly appreciated!

!This is just fiction, my interpretation of Stray Kids. By no means is this how they are and how they behave in real life!

previous II masterlist II next

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“Aagh, the female lead is so stupid! How can she not see he loves her?! It’s painfully obvious!”

I nodded at the raging feline next to me, my arm stolen to be held by him as usual, the motion not even surprising me anymore. Although I did hush him a bit, not wanting to wake anyone up with our late-night program. We usually did it after the human had gone into their room, so I could safely come out of my den without running into them.

Originally, everyone sat together on this sofa, but as the night kept going on and it became later and later, they left one by one, leaving only me and Jin sitting here. Neither of us had a normal sleeping routine, so it wasn’t unusual, really. There were times when the others woke up, only to find us still watching the TV, Jin ranting about something that happened and me silently nodding along, commenting occasionally.

Today seemed to be like that as well, the room slowly brightening around us, our faces not illuminated only by the artificial light of the TV anymore.

It was Lino who joined us first; he usually woke up early to prepare a few things in the kitchen so he could use them to cook breakfast and later lunch with. It never took him too long, his form draped over ours not long after. Being a feline, this usually meant we were his pillows as well; he liked taking short naps throughout the day wherever he deemed it comfortable to do so.

Binnie was usually the next to wake, but only because he went out to train. He would not return for an hour or so, his sweat-drenched form usually disappearing down the halls quickly for a shower.

That was why Channie joined us before him most of the time, Lixie snoring away in one of the rooms peacefully still. Sometimes, they switched up the orders they arrived in; rarely Channie even stayed up with me and Jin when his insomnia acted up. But no matter when, the wolf would always worm his way between my and the felines’ cuddling form. A lot of the time it meant picking someone up and plopping them in his lap; today it was Lino’s turn it seemed.

Lixie’s footsteps reached my ears right as Binnie closed the bathroom door, my attention from Jin’s rant stolen.

“The male lead is just as stupid as the female lead, it’s like they were made for each other. How can she not see the sacred dagger is with him? And how can he not see she is the reincarnation he had been searching for?!” - the agitated leopard half-shouted, making wild gestures with his free hand and tail. “Good mornin’. Another all-nighter?” - Lixie’s even deeper morning voice greeted us and we confirmed his suspicion after greeting him back.

The sleepy snow leopard didn’t even need an invitation to join us, he immediately circled around the sofa and plopped next to the animatedly talking feline. Soon after the little pika sat with us as well, making the pack complete and content; his fresh citrus scent mixing with the bountiful forest’s, calming my nerves slightly, something I appreciated.

Because for the past episode or two, Channie and Lino had been stealing glances at me, their forms strangely tense.

I knew why, of course I did.

It was around the time I would go back to my den, to avoid running into the last inhabitant of the house.

I simply ignored their gazes, my eyes focused on the TV and Jin’s hold on my arm. Lino had his feet draped over my lap too and I gently squeezed one of his calves, hoping it would ease his mind just a bit.

It didn’t take long for the others to catch on too, all except Jin, who was way too engrossed in his TV show. Glances were thrown back and forth, bodies agitatedly shifting around in place. The notion did nothing to help with my own nerves, causing me to gently push Lino’s feet away and drag the drama-loving leopard into my lap. He didn’t protest much, just a surprised little sound leaving his lips before settling into my hold, quiet purrs reverberating in his chest soon after. I nuzzled into his neck, the scent of charcoal and paint familiar and soothing; that underlying cleanness almost non-existent by now.

I could feel his calm pulse, the blood leisurely pumping through his veins. It had a nice rhythm to it; the vein throbbing thrice, no, twice every second.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

One.

Two.

Three.

Stop.

The newly appeared footsteps halted, their owner frozen behind the couch somewhere.

Then they picked up again, softer, quieter.

I gently squeezed the now still feline in my arms, eyes slowly opening to look up from his shoulder, only to be met with the gaze of the human. I nodded at them, gaining a nod back in return. The atmosphere warmed up instantly, everyone around us heaving out a silent breath, as if they forgot how to breathe previously. I simply flicked one of my ears, not fully understanding the reason for their behaviour.

“Ah, good morning, Jisoo-ya. Sleep well?” - Channie’s voice broke the veil of silence, pushing the attention onto the human alone. “Mh, yes, thank you. What about you guys?” - the human answered back, his voice on the deeper side of the spectrum compared to the average human. “We did, except these two idiots -Lino pointed at us-. You’re off to work, right? Breakfast is on the table, eat well before leaving.” - the cat answered him, voice stern as the human just airily laughed and scratched at his neck.

The human thanked Lino and left for the kitchen, his lanky form leaving us to pay attention to the TV show once more.

It was quiet between us.

The male in the kitchen didn’t seem threatening at first glance, really. He had relatively short brown hair that turned golden under the sun, dark pools for eyes that seemed suspiciously warm, and a tall stature, but he always stood in a way to not seem threatening; his form was always open, never guarded. His scent was weird too, just like everything else about him: freshly cut grass with an underlying hint of sweetness.

He didn’t look at me weirdly either after the initial surprise and shock of seeing me still here, he simply acknowledged my presence and talked to the others. No side-glances in my direction, or pitying looks, nothing. He looked at me the way he looked at everyone else, and that scared me to my marrow.

Because he looked at them with so much adoration and love, it hurt.

I nuzzled into Jin’s neck instead, feeling that calming rhythm once more instead. He curled his tail stronger around my right leg in response, body completely lax in my hold. It drew out an elated growl from my throat, only for it to collide with his own happy purrs. Or should I say two separate purring sounds? Because Lixie decided to join in too, his body completely pressed into my side. I pressed my nose into his neck too, cavity-inducing sweetness flooding my senses immediately. He craned his neck further to the side, granting me better access as I nuzzled into him even more.

A kick to my leg on the other side interrupted me.

“Yah, get a room you three, jesus.” - Lino shouted, a playful smirk sitting on his lips.

I merely glared back at him, until I realised what his words meant. My ears and cheeks instantly gained a red colour, embarrassment flooding my veins as I released Jin from my hold, leaning back from the felines as much as I could.

W-we didn’t-...I wasn’t–

“Minho, you interrupted their bonding time, you menace!” - Channie laughed as he playfully slapped the sly cat, who was laughing so hard he almost fell off the couch altogether. “B-but the look on his f-face, haha. It was worth it, oh my god. Even you can’t deny that, Chan hyung.” “Ah, well…   Cough   Of course we know you guys weren’t doing…that…   Sigh   I swear to god Lee Know, if you traumatised Bae with this so much he will never try to bond with us ever again, you will change rooms with Felix and bunk with me.” “NooooOOOoooO, anything but that! Let me gooo, you old man!”

“What’s happening here?” - Binnie suddenly asked, his form standing in front of the couch, observing the wrestling duo on the floor.

We merely shrugged, my eyes wandering away as I was still completely embarrassed.

“So you don’t know why you’re so red then, hmm, Bae hyung?” - he sang in a higher pitched voice, merely causing my blush to deepen. “Minho hyung teased him, saying we needed to ‘get a room’ for ourselves. Now he won’t look at us, or even touch us, look.” - Lixie explained, his hand nearing mine, but I hastily pulled it towards my chest, whole body scooting away from them -as much as it could with Jin still in my lap-. “Tch, he’s just jealous, don’t listen to him.” “I’m not! Yah, sToP–” “Yes he is. Now come here.”

With that, the little pika plopped right next to me, cornering me in with the two felines. Channie and Lino were still tangled up on the floor, the wolf having that menace of a cat in his hold. I simply froze up, not seeing any way I could escape from this.

Binnie just laid his head on my shoulder, careful to not put his entire weight on top of me.

“Oh yea, Changbinnie hyung, where were you?” - Lixie asked, his hands finding one of mine and gingerly massaging it, no matter how much I tried to wiggle out of his hold. “Ah, since you all were too busy, I said bye to Jisoo-ya. Helped him with his bags too.” - he casually replied, never once taking his head off of my shoulder. “What! He left already?! I wanted to say bye too…” “Ah, me too…” - Jin commented, worming his way back into my lap properly. “Well, we can all greet him when he gets home, how about that instead?” - butted in Channie, having finally finished wrestling with the sly cat.

I just silently watched as they happily made plans, their love for this human apparent. How could they trust him so easily? It made no sense to me, at all.

“Alright, let’s go and eat breakfast now, otherwise none of you will get lunch later. No, don’t look at me like that Hyunjin, off you go now. That episode of your drama can wait for you after you get back.” - Lino sternly said, ushering us away from the couch towards the kitchen.

While we all sat down around the table, he took out bowls from the fridge and some the microwave -its sound still unpleasant- and placed them in the middle of the table. Their contents all differed, so you could pick and choose from the ones you liked. I gathered some meat and rice with my sticks, not in the mood for vegetables at the moment. 

Although the second I took my eyes off my plate, pieces of food appeared on it: some egg, steamed vegetables, things like that. When I looked to my left and right, the obvious culprits just giggled and continued stuffing their faces with the contents of their own bowls. As if their tails weren’t contently swaying behind them, these dummies.

They did this a lot, actually, placing food pieces on my plate. With the others, they bickered over it, stealing each others’ food as if their life depended on it, but with me, it was the total opposite. And when I tried to give them back, they shot me down so fast, I could only blink in response. So with a silent sigh, I ate everything on my plate, even as the portion nearly doubled in size.

“Alright, who wants to play some Monopoly?” - Lixie asked after we all finished, used bowls and sticks now clean and drying.

The others immediately perked up, fighting spirit burning in their eyes. The snow leopard raced to get the mentioned game, the others bounding over towards the couch, pushing things around so we could all sit at the table in the middle comfortably. I sat down with them, the game now being unboxed on the table.

“I wanna be the boot.” - I muttered while snatching the aforementioned figure, excited to play the game after many years.

“Huh?”

I looked up, only to be met with confused gazes. I tilted my head at them, ears flopping around with the motion.

“Don’t you need to choose one to play? I always liked this one. Ah, you wanted it?” - I asked, offering the metal figure to them.

Silence greeted me back, making my eyebrows only draw closer towards each other.

“Ah, uh, no, baby, you can have the boot. Then, everyone knows how to play I assume? Bae, Hyunjin?” - Channie finally answered with a pointed stare at the others, me and Jin nodding at the question directed towards us.

And thus, the long and arduous journey of us playing Monopoly started.

By the end, there was money thrown everywhere, the board was flipped upside down -courtesy of Lixie, who was crying on the floor under the table-. Lino was minutes away from murdering a very boastful Hyunjin -who had somehow won, even though he almost went bankrupt several times-, had a very tired looking Channie not held the cat back. Changbin simply gave up playing halfway, pouting and stuffing his face with snacks while watching us from the couch. And I was just a silent spectator of it all, because I was in jail 90% of the game.

Or, you know, some regular, fun Monopoly times.

I sighed in amusement, silently picking up the thrown away game pieces from the floor -some of them were even near the stairs and the kitchen, impressive-. The figures and little house pieces went into one hand, the paper money and cards into the other. Once my hands were full, I crawled back towards where I originally sat and placed everything down, turning around to gather more. This cycle needed to be done a few times before I collected them all, then I started assorting the money and cards out. Same coloured ones went into the same pile, and soon enough, I was done and ready to put them all away into the box.

By the time the others stopped their shenanigans, I was done packing up the game completely, now sitting next to a sulking Lixie and caressing his forehead. He hit his head on the table when he tried to sit up, the spot slightly red and angry. With how many times this had happened, you would think he did something unforgivable against these pieces of wood.

“Lix, look here.” - the wolf said, his fingers swiftly putting a bandaid onto the leopard’s forehead. “Be more careful mate, I’m afraid you’ll get permanent brain damage at this rate.” “Oi, it ain’t that bad.” “Felix, last week you hit your head so hard, there was a bump on it for several days.” - Binnie commented, earning a glare from the injured feline. “Oh come on…” “Hey, at least you can join Bae in the clumsy club.” - it was Lino this time, earning both of our glares as a reward.

Had Jin not stopped me from getting up, I would have pounced on that kitty cat.

Realising how late it had gotten, Lino went to make lunch, everyone else piling on top of the couch, Channie joining them after putting away the board game. I sat with them as well, although a bit further away this time, having had enough physical contact for a while. 

“Wait, Bae hyung, you’re not helping Minho hyung this time?” - Lixie sweetly asked from Binnie’s hold.

I merely shook my head in response, still not over the cat’s teasing comment.

“Hang on, baby, are you pouting?” “No.” - I said but as I looked away, my eyes locked with the working feline’s in the kitchen, a wide grin spreading across his face. “Oh he definitely is!” - he shouted, making my ears burn in embarrassment.

I could only cover my face with my hands to hide, pulling my tail up to it as well for maximum coverage.

What was with them and making me absolutely and completely flustered lately?

Channie only giggled at my reaction, saying something along the lines of ‘shy baby’, Lixie and Binnie joining him. Jin wasn’t far behind, quickly realising he liked seeing me like this as well, much to my demise.

Weighing my choices, I immediately realised staying in the living room was to my disadvantage, so I hastily stood up -wobbling and almost hitting the arm of the couch on my way- and went into the kitchen. Dealing with one sly cat was still easier than dealing with four teasing hybrids.

"Look who showed up." - he greeted me, mischief flashing in his eyes.

I only glanced in his direction as a response, too tired to do anything else. As if sensing it, he stopped with the comments and teasing, peacefully telling me what to do in the kitchen.

We started gaining a certain rhythm the past few weeks, one we easily fell back into. 

Thanks to it, the food was done in no time, the table ready and made. We quickly called the others to eat, lunch going much like how breakfast did. Maybe there was a bit more bickering than usual, everyone still feeling the effects of that Monopoly game, but nothing too tragic happened.

Soon enough we were on that sofa again, a sappy romance movie playing on the TV, like it usually did. I swear, if it wasn't Jin's series, then it was some kind of random, romance movie. Nothing else.

Its story was bland, not too bad, but not that good either. My interest quickly diminished, not helping the sudden feeling of exhaustion that swept over me. Not having slept for the night finally caught up to me, pulling my eyelids closed even as I fought against it.

But I couldn't win, sleep taking over me, head lolling onto the back of the couch.

-.-

Soft murmurs woke me up, the voices hushed and soft around me.

“Hyung, you knew this was coming sooner or later, we have to tell him.” “I know, I know, but…” “Chan hyung, it’s gonna be alright. He’s not as fragile as you think.”

The wolf merely sighed, as if the weight of the world sat upon his shoulders. I raised an arm to rub at my eyes before opening them, seeing everyone gathered together a small distance away from me. A quick stretch later I gazed up at them with a tilted head, not understanding, nor liking how tense they all seemed as they slowly approached me.

“Baby, you know how you’re part of our pack, right?” - Channie asked, his hands gingerly taking mine into their hold.

I nodded back with uncertainty, because even though I had a hard time wrapping my head around it, they always made sure I knew. I had no idea why they decided to accept me, the concept foreign to me, but every single time I thought about it, warmth spread through my veins.

It still felt like a lie to me.

“And because you are, we value your opinion too. So… how would you feel about a potential new pack member?”

A new… what now?

I glanced at Jin, the latest addition to the pack. It felt natural to have him around by now, his presence soothing, if not chaotic at times with his dramatic personality.

But it wasn’t always like that.

It pained me to remember the days we avoided the other, how he flinched whenever our gazes met. The way my body tensed up even against my will whenever I caught a whiff of his scent, how it reminded me of times I wished I could forget.

What if the other hybrid would react like that as well?

As if sensing my spiralling thoughts, the wolf gently squeezed my hands.

“Jisoo-ssi met a hybrid in the rehabilitation centre. We already met him one by one, but we don’t want to continue with things until we know you’re fine with it. He’s a sweet little squirrel hybrid, timid for sure, but he would never judge you, if that’s what you’re afraid of.” “Mhm, you don’t have to be scared of that, Bae hyung. He doesn’t care about how you look like, or what you smell like. Right, Hyunjinnie?” - Lixie added in as he sat down on my other side, the taller leopard humming in response. “He likes to eat and he’s not afraid of this house cat. What more proof do you need?” “What’s that supposed to mean, you little pika?” “Nothing!” “Guys, not now.”

The two immediately shut up at the wolf’s warning, only continuing to glare at each other.

“Will…you guys come too?” - my voice was quiet, unsure if I had the right to ask this of them. “Of course we will! As a matter of fact, we were thinking that we could visit him right now, if ya wanted to. Jisoo-ssi’s already there, waiting for our answer.” - Channie enthusiastically answered, his hand ruffling my hair aggressively.

Everyone started excitedly rushing around the place, each going to their rooms to get ready as fast as they could. I followed their example, walking up towards my room to change into a different set of loose pants and a hoodie. Maybe I could wear that red one? Or maybe that black one, with the thumb holes?

After a few minutes of thinking, I settled on the comforting black hoodie that now draped over my tall form, ready to depart.

Arriving back at the living room, mostly everyone was there, except Jin, who was still unable to decide between two shirts. Lixie just rolled his eyes and went to help him, the pair arriving back not even a minute later. Soon we were walking towards the car after getting our shoes on -such an uncomfortable thing, really-, and off we went towards that centre thing, sadly only after the wolf put that dreaded collar on me.

-.-

Fitted with a hat and a mask once more, I stepped out of the vehicle, only to have my arm immediately snatched by Lino. He didn’t even spare me a glance, just started walking towards the entrance of the building once everyone was ready to go. 

And holy shit, there were a lot of people inside.

Everything hit me at once: the cacophony of smells, the rushing form of humans and hybrids, the sounds that bled together in disharmony.

It was all too much, my body already protesting and begging me to turn around and run away; to just shut down silently in a corner, surrounded by walls.

“Come on, this way baby.” - rang Channie’s soothing voice through my ears over the chaos, grounding my overwhelmed self.

His warm hand gently pushed on my rigid back, urging me forward along with the two hybrids holding my hands; they led me through the sea of people, their human now standing before us in a much less crowded space. 

“Everyone okay, nothing happened while coming here?” - the tall human said -he was taller than even Hyunjin, i noticed-, worried eyes sweeping over all our forms.  “No, no, we’re okay, no need to worry.” - the wolf replied, his hand still resting between my shoulder blades. “You’re always such a worrywart, Chan hyung has driven a lot of times before, have some faith in him.” - Lixie butted in, swinging our conjoined hands quite happily. “Yea, besides, we’re not children!” - at Changbin’s comment, the human levelled at him a stare so cold, the words froze into his shrinking form.

They all just laughed at his misery, some even doubling over and wheezing for air.

“Now that you all laughed yourselves out, kids, let’s go before we grow old just standing here. Wouldn’t wanna worry our little squirrel either, now would we?” - the human sent a wide smile at us and walked away, his steps seemingly confident in their path.

The walls along our journey were colourful, vibrant, hand-painted symbols and figures cluttering their forms. The overhead lights were warm, not too bright, but not too dim either; my eyes quickly adjusted to them without the need to squint or blink excessively. The air was fresh, a slight breeze pushing past our walking forms, carrying along the confusing mess of scents.

I… didn’t expect this.

Where was the white, the dull walls, the blindingly bright cold light, the stuffy, clean air? The quiet, neverending halls, the thick doors? 

Where was it all?

“...ople can enter, 4 of you will have to stay behind, sorry.” - a different human’s voice slowly registered in my mind, body immediately going fully rigid once more.

When did this one appear?

“Oh, it’s alright, I’ll stay behind with Hyunjin, Felix and Changbin hyung. You three can go in, how about that?” - their human answered, his gaze landing on us.

Channie and Minho responded, a squeeze on my hand and a little push on my back was all I got before I was ushered into a small room, the only occupant already up and walking around nervously. Lino squeezed my hand once more before letting go and joining the unknown hybrid, the two interacting as if they were long lost friends. My presence was momentarily forgotten by the duo, something I used to my advantage in observing this new place and hybrid.

The air was filled with the salty smell of the ocean, as if it was trying to drag me down and drown me in its depths. I didn’t need to take a deeper breath to feel it, my sensitive nose able to feel it even with the smallest intake of air; just the thought alone made my stomach roll violently. The source of the smell was the jumpy little squirrel; small little ears peeking from his mop of dark brown hair, a bushy tail curled up behind him. They all shared light colours, like grey and white, immediately tickling me strangely.

Usually squirrels were some type of brown or red coloured, maybe even black. But he had a different colour scheme, one that for some reason didn’t sit well with me. One that was slightly familiar, but not fully? It was weird, really weird.

Before I could dwell on it more, the wolf -who i had forgotten about in all honesty- led me to a chair, wordlessly telling me to sit down. I abided, even though we were closer to the two conversing hybrids now as a result, causing my body to shudder. I wasn’t paying attention to their conversation, but a whisper of ‘Is he okay?’ hit my ears, causing my brows to furrow. Was the squirrel talking about me?

“Baby, I’ll get you some water, stay here, I’ll be right back.” “N-no, don’t–” - I tried to say, but why did my voice waver and shake so much?

Oh… my whole body was shaking.

“Jisung-ssi, can we move some of your things from a corner of the room? Preferably one that has the least of your scent.” “Y-yea, uh, l-lemme help, here.”

There was some shuffling and moving around as I desperately clung to Channie, his familiar scent my last line of defence before I completely gave up and emptied my stomach then and there. He held me close, hand rubbing little circles into my shoulder, providing me the minimum of comfort he could.

Why was this happening to me? Again?

Was I so weak that being in a new place caused me to crumble and become undone so easily? Was I really?

I hated this so much. So, so much.

“Alright baby, I’m gonna pick you up, is that alright?” - his gentle voice asked and I merely nodded, too busy trying to control my body and not appear any weaker in front of them, if that was even possible.

True to his words, he picked me up, my body gingerly placed in an empty corner of the room, the walls feeling nice and cool as I pressed into them for more. In that chase of the calming cold, I let my head fall back with closed eyes, no doubt messing up the hat that sat upon it. But I really did not care about that at the moment, not at all, that was the least of my worries.

Feeling that the walls had more or less warmed up thanks to my feverish skin, I let my head fall onto my knees that were pulled close to my chest, the position slightly helping me with my nausea.

“Bae, can you hear me?” - Lino’s voice reached my ears, a hum leaving my lips as a response.

“Baby, do you want to leave the room?” “Nno… outside worse… nausea” - I somehow gritted out and opened my eyes, not feeling the room spinning anymore.

Worried gazes and scents greeted me back, only causing my ears to push into my head under the hat even more in guilt.

“Sorry, am good now.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, baby, you did nothing wrong. Do you need anything to make you feel better?”

I merely shook my head as an answer, the guilt not dissipating in the slightest.

I felt like a burden, always needing some type of care and special attention. They couldn’t go out with me and not worry, someone always having to be by my side and literally hold my hand.

It was frustrating.

I was frustrated with myself.

“Y-you know, it always helps me to cuddle with a plushie after an episode. The bigger, fluffier, better smelling, the better. I would lend you one, but that would be uh… quite counterproductive, dontcha think?” - the squirrel quietly said, his far away sitting form almost in the middle of the room; his comment made a sweetly mellow smelling hoodie appear in my arms, my appendages gathering the fabric together in a ball and cuddling it.

“Counting my breathing and tapping to it also helps. Sometimes it gives nice ideas for songs too, heh.” - and he was right, silently following my breathing did smooth it out a bit.

Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath of the hoodie in my arms, I could feel my pulse calming and the knot in my stomach slightly unwinding. It wouldn’t become completely undone, no, not when I was not in my den, my home, but being in this room was still a much better choice than being out in that busy hallway.

Opening my eyes once more, I inhaled that comforting scent yet again and looked at the owner of the hoodie. His expression softened out, eyes slightly crinkling up in happiness. His scent sweetened, taking me to that flower field I loved so much.

And that field was surrounded by the vast forest, moss and other creatures abundant in it. It felt freeing, something I desperately needed in this closed off building. And Chan gave it to me, his dimples peeking out as a reward when I glanced at him.

My chest felt lighter, the room becoming brighter.

But through it all, the underlying smell of salt and wind and rain remained there.

Glancing at the last occupant of the room, my eyes met with the squirrel’s, his dark ones lighting up in response. He smiled, lips turning heart-shaped and I just didn’t understand.

Why was he so happy? Was it because I looked at him?

Why?

I could only tilt my head in confusion before nodding at him from behind the hoodie in my arms, thankful for his advice. He let out a breath he held, his form sagging as he laid down on the floor. The other two next to me lightly laughed at his reaction, their forms sagging a bit too and sitting down heavily on the floor from their crouched position.

I had no idea what was happening, but they smelled fine and they were laughing and smiling, so I guessed it was okay. Even though it made no sense to me.

“Bae, you sure ya don’t need anything?” - Chan asked once more, Lino looking at me as well.

I just shook my head, but then realised something.

“Go, calm the others down. They smell panicked. Worried.” - I grated out, my throat still clogged up and voice raspy.

I didn’t need to tell them twice, Chan was out the door in an instant, his surprise from my statement wearing off quickly. I could hear them through the wall, my worry proven to be right. As Chan was speaking, their scents slowly turned back to their normal state, becoming less sour and tainted.

It allowed me to let out a sigh of relief, my brows letting up a little.

“Bae, did you smell them?” - Lino’s soft voice cut through the silence, gathering my attention immediately. “Mhm.” “I’m always amazed by how impressive that nose of yours is. We couldn’t, not even Chan. And he’s the pack leader.”

Ah, so that was why the wolf looked so surprised initially. I nodded back at the cat back slowly, unsure what to make of this. But before I could think more on the matter, the smell of sand and sun picked up, the little squirrel in the centre of my attention.

“Ah, s-sorry, I just wanted to stand up and stretch a bit. I won’t go closer, promise!” - the herbivore quickly added in, his arms flailing around in panic.

I gently shook my head in response, silently telling him that it was fine. I could handle the smells for now, Lino’s hoodie strong enough to deter them until I could fight them off by myself. But if that skittish boy made himself panic even more, causing his smell to become the epitome of salt and storm, I would probably empty my stomach sooner rather than later.

So I looked next to me, at the sitting form of our cat, and I made sure to look into his eyes, then look back at the squirrel a few times. His eyebrows furrowed, mouthing an ‘Are you sure?’, but I nodded at him firmly.

With a last squeeze of my arm, he stood up and went to the squirrel, dragging him to the bed in a half-hug. They plopped onto it with a force, only thanks to Lino.

“E-eh? But, but the wolf, he-” “Will be fine, Han. He asked me to come to you. See? No need to be afraid. Told you he will like you.”

They whispered back and forth, probably thinking I couldn’t hear them. But I could, my ears flicking once or twice in response, messing up the hat even further. Their conversation went away from me quickly though, venturing into the territory of everyday topics and similar interests. I tuned them out soon after I realised that, not wanting to eavesdrop.

There was no need for that now.

The door opening stole my attention, my head craning to the side to see the wolf creeping in, quickly shutting the door gently after he squeezed himself through. His face lit up when he saw I was already watching him, those dimples of his apparent.

“Hiii baby, how’re you doin’?” - he sang out as he sat back next to me, the lush forest back with full force in my senses.

Before I could even hum in response, he playfully glared at me, making me huff.

“Fine.” - I replied instead vocally, not happy about the situation. “Good job baby. Brought you some water, in case you actually needed it.”

I thanked him quietly and took the offered bottle, my limbs aching from the sudden movement. The joints groaned and popped, my muscles tensed and relaxed. My position suddenly felt uncomfortable, everything ached and protested. Still, I took the bottle and with a satisfying pop, it was open, the contents downed in a matter of seconds.

Licking my lips to catch an escaping droplet, I wiped my face with the sleeve of my own hoodie and put down the now empty bottle onto the ground. I felt fine enough, my stomach not rolling in waves of nausea, so I gently stood up and watched the two on the bed cuddle and talk.

“You can join them, ya kno’.” - Chan’s whisper entered my ears, his form next to me as he gently grabbed my shoulders.

I glanced at him, then back at the two.

“Or ya can stay here. It’s fine.”

With a squeeze, he finished what he wanted to say and grabbed the empty water bottle, going to the little trash can on the other side of the room to dispose of it.

But I stayed in my spot.

The two hybrids seemed to be absorbed in their own world, their scents happy and content. Their eyes shined in the other’s presence, their smiles just a bit brighter.

When they caught me staring, they directed those smiles at me, the squirrel even shyly waving in my direction. My eyes widened in surprise, but I tried to wave back, my hand half-raised and stiff. They both laughed at that, but no malice was in it. No, the sound was light as it rang through the air, as if we were home in our den, the pack together and having fun.

A knock broke the serene atmosphere.

Their human peeked his head in, searching for Chan and looking at him with an apologetic expression as he whispered a ‘We need to go, sorry.’ to him. The wolf nodded back, then the door closed again and we were alone in the heavy atmosphere.

I watched as Lino said goodbye to the little herbivore, the latter looking really sad. But the cat ruffled his hair and promised him that he would come back soon, improving the mood a little.

The wolf was next, playfully tousling the squirrel’s hair as well, promising him the same thing. With a final hug, they were done, all eyes set on me.

I waved at the little hybrid, slightly dreading going out to the hallways again. He waved back with a small smile, something sad hidden on his face.

The other two hybrids walked to the door, looking at me expectantly to join them.

And yet, I didn’t.

No, I looked back at the sad little boy on the bed and walked up to him, fidgeting slightly in my spot once I reached him. He looked up at me, eyes wide and glistening.

“Can I… Can I ask for something of yours?” - my voice was so quiet, it was a miracle he heard it at all. “Oh uh, of course, what would you like?” - he quickly answered after he got over his surprise, expression brightening.

“Just. Just something that has your scent on it.” - I muttered out, embarrassed of my request.

His whole face lit up after a few seconds, quickly standing up and scrambling around for something to give me. Eventually he settled on a big plushie, just the right size for cuddling. He shyly extended it towards me, and I took it, equally embarrassed. I was sure my cheeks were gradually heating up with every second, and gosh did I not want the others to see it. I wouldn’t be able to escape their teasing…

Hugging it to my chest in my arms, the smell of sunshine and salt hit me, along with the scent of mellow flowers. Only then did I realise I was still clutching onto Lino’s hoodie as if it was my lifeline, my knuckles white from the force. I quickly relaxed my hold, nodding in thanks to the little herbivore and taking a last glance at his now much brighter expression as he waved at us.

The door closed and the chaotic arrangement of smells was back, making me lean down and bury my nose into Lino’s hoodie that was draped partly over the plushie. Looking up afterwards, I was met with the playful look on Lino and Chan’s faces, and the surprised and somehow betrayed look on everyone else’s.

I tilted my head at that, not sure why they looked at me like that. Their human merely chuckled, pushing Lix into my direction. That broke the boy out of his stupor, quickly coming up to me and looking into my eyes with his own sparkling ones.

“Is that Jisung’s? Is that plushie Jisung’s, Hyung? Is it?” - he rambled out and I lightly nodded at that, holding it out for him to take if he wanted to.

The boy snatched it quickly, looking at it and back up at me in disbelief.

“Channie hyung, are ya sure Bae hyung is fine? He didn’t hit his head or… he didn’t get any permanent side effects or anything…?” “I can assure you Lixie, that is the Bae you’ve known from the beginning.” - the wolf answered back, a playful lilt in his voice.

Lix looked at the cat next, disbelief still evident on his face. But Lino merely nodded, amused by the whole shenanigans in front of him. A hand was suddenly on my forehead, my out of place hat not helping in blocking it.

“You don’t feel hot either. That can only mean one thing: Hyung, you betrayed us! You like him more than us!” - there went Jin with his theatrics, looking hurt.

I quickly learned that he was just faking it, his scent easily betraying his true mood. And he was just mildly annoyed, if at all. But behind his tall form was a pouting little pika, his arms crossed in front of his chest and his lower lip jutting out. He was half turned away from me, his usually fresh scent a bit too sour.

Was he… was he actually hurt by my actions?

He kept glancing at me and away, but as he saw my expression he suddenly walked in front of me and hugged me, his face smushed into my chest.

“Stupid Bae hyung, I’m not actually angry at you. But I do require cuddles from you when we get home! As payback!” - his voice was loud, even muffled. “Hey, me too!” - Lix butted in, quickly catching up to the situation. “Me three!” - Jin shouted in as well, making me start to dread going home. “Yah, don’t leave us out! Right, Minho?” - Chan said as he giggled, Lino sighing because he knew he couldn’t back out of this one.

And that cat enjoyed it anyway, he just denied it. I could tell.

Glancing over their forms, my eyes reached their human’s, his expression gentle and warm. When he noticed I was watching him, his smile widened a tad bit before he looked away, telling the others that it was time to go home. They whined a bit, but eventually started following the human, Lix taking his hand and swinging it around happily. This drew a laugh out of the human, but his grip only tightened on the feline’s small hand. The excited feline’s scent sweetened impossibly, his happiness apparent to everyone around them.

Changbin went to the other side of the human, chatting with the two, a big smile on his face. He hooked his little pinky together with the human’s, the latter quickly accepting it without hesitation. The herbivore’s scent was the freshest I had ever felt, the citrus mixing with the candy and happily wafting through the air.

That was when I’d truly realised just how important that human was to them.

My eyes drifted to that familiar hand holding mine, the motion feeling a bit wrong now. Would they leave me if I disliked their human? Would they force me out, just because of that? What would they do if I accidentally attacked him when I wasn’t myself? When the terrors of my past choked the life out of me?

What would they do then?

As if sensing my thoughts, I felt a small squeeze on my hand. Looking up, I saw that he wasn’t looking at me, no, he was invested in talking with the other three in front of us, but the way his grip subtly tightened felt good. It felt comforting, as if I was needed.

Looking to my other side, where my other arm was clutched at, I saw Jin. His hold was gentle, careful to not twist the hoodie out of my hold against my chest. He occasionally ran his thumb over my arm, going back and forth in a soothing motion. Maybe he did it unconsciously, or maybe he didn’t, but I appreciated it nonetheless.

Glancing slightly behind me, I was met with Chan, the plushie I got from the little squirrel under one of his arms -why and how it ended up with him, i had no idea-. He smiled at me brightly, his dimples fully on display. It eased the knot in my chest, his expression softening. His hand reached towards my head, fixing my hat and brushing a few stray strands of hair out of my face. His eyes roamed over my form and with a satisfied hum, he turned towards the others and told them we were ready to go.

When did we stop and for how long had we been standing there, I had not the slightest idea.

I only blinked at them as I was tugged away by my arms, soon sitting in that hateful car and speeding off towards home.

-.-.-

The next few days after our visit to the little squirrel went by uneventfully. Mostly.

I spent my days in the presence of others, like I usually did. I watched his shows with Jin, providing him company. I cooked with Lino, even though he teased me and for some reason seemed really interested in my bottom. Changbin and Felix usually stole me away from the others for cuddles, sometimes even at night. And Chan…

Well, Chan felt stressed.

His scent was off, the forest drowning in rain and the roots rotting. I could feel it immediately, the smell hitting me after he disappeared to talk with the human. And I suspected he knew it too, because he had been avoiding me as much as he could. No more was the cuddly, giggly wolf, there was only an awkward, colder version in its place.

I hated it.

So the next time I caught a glance of the human -because Channie shut himself in a room-, I decided to take action. Carefully extracting the sleeping snow leopard off my form, I hastily strode towards the kitchen where my target resided. He was getting himself a cup of water, but he must not have heard me, because as he turned around, he almost immediately dropped it.

“Jesus christ, you fucking scared me.” - he whispered out, a hand clutching his chest in panic.

I apologised, my ears lowering towards my head in guilt. It was never my intention to scare him, I just wanted to talk, nothing else.

“Don’t worry, I’m just a scaredy cat. The others like to tease me for it actually.” - he chuckled out, waving his hand in the air in a dismissive manner, causing me to relax a bit.

“So, what brings you here?”

I looked at him as he was watching me, sipping on his drink and waiting for my reply patiently. He didn’t seem annoyed or angry, his faint scent still the same, giving me enough courage to actually ask him what I had wanted to.

“3 days ago, what did you talk about with Chan?”

He lowered his cup, his expression dimming immediately. His eyes had a sad glint in them, even though his lips were slightly curled up.

“So you noticed, huh? Agh, Channie hyung, you always make stupid decisions when trying to protect others. Come, I’ll tell you.” - he grunted out, a hand messing up his hair in stress.

I raised an eyebrow, not understanding why we needed to change rooms, but followed him nonetheless.

His smaller form led the way into one of the boys’ rooms, hand still messing with his hair, all the while muttering light profanities at the wolf and the situation. It was a bit amusing, to be quite honest, because he wasn’t truly angry. No, he still smelled like cut grass next to a candy shop, even if it was a bit sour now, as if the shop closed for the day.

“  Sigh  The reason why he’s avoiding you is because some problems came up… regarding you. No, no, not with you, just about you! Don’t look like a kicked puppy, please!” - he said as he leaned against the door, arms frantically flailing around at the end.

Before I really had any chance to think about what he said and start thinking how they might be planning on getting rid of me, he continued.

“Remember when you were out clothes shopping with the boys? Apparently you caught the eye of a few people, desperate to learn more about you and your species. They’ve gone so far as to approach me about buying you when we went to visit Ji. The fucking gall of those people. Had Hyune and the others not been there, I would have punched them in the face straight up. That’s what we’ve been working on, just me and Chan. But they’re really persistent, no matter what we do, they keep making a scene on the internet. It’s giving me a headache, in all honesty. Chan’s avoiding you because he didn’t want you to know, to worry and potentially have an attack. You already have enough on your plate, he didn’t want to add more onto it.”

The human, no, Jisoo rambled on, massaging his head in frustration and exhaustion. Now that I paid more attention, there were dark circles under his eyes, his skin was even paler than usual and his voice quiet, borderline whispering.

I felt…conflicted, weird.

He… he’s been protecting me this whole time, and I was afraid he was planning on doing the exact opposite of that. Just the thought made me push my ears into my head, tail lifeless and between my legs. My lips curved slightly downwards, my chest feeling heavy with emotions.

He did all that, even though…

“Bae hyung?”

Even though he probably knew what I had done. What I had been running from all this time.

“Hey, do you need me to call one of them here for you? Just sit down, please.”

It hurt.

“You knew all this time, didn’t you?” - my voice whispered out, eyes cast downwards and hands clutching my hoodie. “Knew what?” - he asked back, voice now impossibly soft. “You never asked questions. Not about my species, my presence in this house, your house, and not about my previous owners. Even though you must have gotten access to my files after the checkup.”

His legs entered my downcast vision, a hand slowly reaching towards mine. I could have stepped away at any given chance, but… I didn’t. No, I simply stood there, letting him take one of my hands into his, allowing him to gently cradle it.

“I do.”

He didn’t say anything more. No, he just stood there in silence, holding my hand and drawing shapes in it as my vision blurred and lower lip wobbled.

Jisoo said nothing as he allowed me, a murderer, to silently cry in the room, giving me comfort I didn’t deserve.

-.-

After that fateful day, Jisoo must have told Chan about what happened, because the wolf just stopped avoiding me completely. He greeted me with an apologetic smile, allowing me to wrestle him into my lap with a huff.

Fucking idiot, worrying me and the others.

Because while they knew about the situation, what he’s been dealing with, they were still incredibly worried and wanted to help. Help, that finally wasn’t rejected by him, lightening up the atmosphere immediately.

So as we were just sitting on the living room’s couch, Channie in my lap as I completely engulfed his giggling form, he and the others were talking about possible solutions for the thorn in their side. I didn’t understand a lot of it, only some computer-related words making sense to me.

“What if we just dox them?” “Felix, we can’t just do that!” - Chan immediately shot down the idea, causing the others to groan in protest.

I just sighed and buried my head into his neck, unwanted wisps of past conversations and scenarios popping into my head. Back when I wasn’t like this, when I had a stable job and a clear future.

“Just let them be.”

Getting no response, I looked up from my hiding place and was met with surprised and confused expressions.

“Baby, we can’t just do that. It’s your life on the line.” “Yeah, what makes you say that?” - Felix asked me, his brows furrowed and lips slightly jutted out in a pout.

I sighed out at what the two said, tired of this already.

“My face and ears were hidden, right? Then it’s fine, they can’t recognise me. Besides, if you really won’t sell me, they’ll give up eventually, just keep rejecting them.” - I replied, head laying on Channie’s shoulder as a wave of exhaustion hit me. “Oh my god, I’ve never heard him speak so much.” - Lino added in, a genuine shocked expression sitting on his face along with the others’.

I furrowed my brows at that, rolling my eyes in response. First I didn’t speak enough, then I spoke too much.

“Good job baby, I’m so proud of ya!” - the wolf giggled out as he wriggled in my hold, reversing it even against my protests.

Eventually I accepted my fate, laying in his arms as he cooed at me. Although that proved to be the wrong decision, as the others came to their senses and piled on top of me. Even that menace of a cat, only to slap my bottom and earn a strangled sound out of me. I couldn’t retaliate or stop him even if I wanted to, Channie and the others basically held me down as they snuggled into me, as if they wanted to crawl into my skin.

Needless to say, the felines started purring immediately in the cuddle pile, while Channie let out elated growls and Binnie just happily absorbed it all, occasionally giving out his own short, high-pitched chirps. Their scents enveloped me, allowing me to take a moment and walk in my favourite place and relax.

My eyes crinkled as I saw the trees were now enveloped in sunlight, the rot in their roots now nowhere to be found. Even though the wind sometimes picked up, it was quickly balanced out by the scent of sugar and citrus it carried along. They danced around in the air as I ran, following a path that I took so many times that I knew it by heart, just to arrive in that flower field with an easel in the middle. The flowers were still mellow, their colour faint and pastel. But they were constantly there, livening up the place with their presence. The easel had a canvas on it, paint tubes sitting on the little shelf at the bottom. The white fabric had splotches of colour, all different, yet harmonising perfectly.

It was my safe haven.

The thought wasn’t scary anymore, I was happy that I had a place I could call my own. To call people my own.

No, I wasn’t afraid of that, not anymore. Only the thought of what I would sacrifice for them froze the blood in my veins.

Because deep down, I already knew the answer.

-.-

When I awoke, I found myself on the couch, a blanket draped over my form. The room was plunged into darkness, only the soft light of the moon illuminating the furniture.

I was alone, the warmth of the others having lost disappeared, yet the blanket still smelled strongly of them.

Slowly sitting up, my joints cracked and popped, making a satisfied sigh leave my form. I draped the blanket over my shoulders, its scent giving me a sense of comfort. As I silently padded over to the kitchen -my throat was absolutely parched-, I thought over what to do.

Sleep eluded me the moment I opened my eyes, having slept over most of the afternoon, so that was out of the question. Watching something on the TV was also in a similar situation, because I was afraid it would wake someone up accidentally. And also because they still wouldn’t let me use the remote by myself. I had no idea why.

But then a ray of moonlight caught my eye, its faint, bluish shine drawing my gaze to its source. The moon looked alluring, its form full and radiant.

Not even a minute later I found myself on the patio, sitting down on the small stairs that led to the lush grass and laying against the railing next to me.

It was peaceful, something I never really had the chance to just… admire. To take a moment, sit down and relax, enjoy what was around me.

Living on the streets was stressful.

But now, I didn’t have to worry about that anymore, something still hard to believe. The others worked hard everyday to drill it into my head, so it wasn’t a foreign concept anymore, but still.

I could just sit down and gaze at the moon whenever I wanted to, not needing to look over my shoulder every second. So I did exactly that, letting my mind wander around from topic to topic, creating new worlds and stories.

I didn’t even know how long I had been sitting there, until the scent of charcoal and paint caught my attention, the sound of footsteps soon following. My ears flicked in response, my body still relaxed, knowing it was just Jin and I was safe.

He soundlessly sat down onto a chair behind me, granting me a silent companion for the night. I didn’t mind, his presence soothing on the cold night, thankful that he didn’t cuddle up to me. I hit my limit for the day with that last one.

As I was connecting the stars in my mind, creating different shapes, the sound of graphite on paper hit my ears, soft strokes leaving a trail on the paper. It wasn’t hard to guess that Jin was the source, probably sketching something out as inspiration hit him.

His scent was strong, as if he himself was turning into a work of art, an obvious sign of his elated mood. It drew a small smile on my face, my tail swishing a few times lazily on the wooden boards.

That was how we spent our time, me, silently gazing at the sky and the slowly rising sun, him, silently sketching. We existed in each other’s presence, taking a break from the chaos that the group usually brought with itself.

But even the most tranquil of times had to be broken, as the sun had completely risen and woken the others up, based on the soft taps of socked feet I started hearing.

“Come on Dal hyung, let’s go greet the others.” - Jin suggested, making me stand up and follow him out, his little dimples peeking out as he smiled at me brightly.

I didn’t even question the name he used, his smile was way too cute to possibly ruin.

“Oh, good morning. How was your night?” - surprisingly Jisoo asked, surprised at our forms coming in from the backyard. “Morning! It was good, we were stargazing the whole night.” - Jin answered for us as I just nodded in response. “Sounds good boys. Little reminder that we’ll be picking up Ji to foster today, so don’t be late please. And Bae hyung, don’t forget your appointment. Bring anything comforting with you for it, but the doc needs to check if your injuries are properly healed. Have fun, I’ll see you guys later.” - with a headpat for Jin and a smile for me, he dashed out the door, seemingly in a hurry.

The others heard it and hurried to say goodbye to him, either in the form of a hug or a headpat. Felix even almost fell down, he was so determined to get that hug in. I almost laughed at him, almost.

Knowing that I couldn’t escape that visit because of the doctor, I headed up to my den and gathered a few things up. First was the squirrel’s plushie, placed away on the table, so it wouldn’t have any other scent sticking to it too much. I didn’t want to bring it with me, but I needed to smell it, so I wouldn’t get immediately overwhelmed by the herbivore himself. But that was why I asked for the plushie in the first place, to get used to his scent and not have an accident like with Jin. And it worked, the salt and sun wasn’t tainted by the smell of rotting seaweed and fish. It was very faint, so I was satisfied.

Secondly, I laid out my comfort hoodie that was stashed away in a box. I put it there because it was scented by everyone and I was afraid it would disappear if I left it with my other clothes. But the more I thought about that visit, the more nervous I became, so I opted to just put the clothing on instead, letting its big form engulf me.

It only took one sniff for my shoulders to start relaxing, my thoughts straying away from those darker places.

Grabbing the round plushie -it was a white rabbit, extremely soft and plush-, I went out of my room to join the others, knowing it was time for breakfast soon and Lino would barge into my den no problem.

The moment they saw me, everyone greeted me, Lix waddling up to me and making grabby hands, eyes still full of sleep and dreams. I sighed lightly, a small smile on my face as I knew what this meant already, witnessing him doing it to the others plenty of times. He just never asked me of this.

I threw the plushie onto the couch, my arms now empty and already lifting up the feline, placing him onto my hips. His limbs instantly latched onto me, purrs erupting from his chest as he nuzzled into my neck. I pat his back a few times, going to join the others as I greeted them with a little nod.

“Damn, I’m jealous.”

Bin?

“Yah, me too.”

Channie??

“Me three.”

Jin???

“We can eat snow leopard steak tonight.”

Lino?!???!

I couldn’t help, but step back and shield the already sleeping boy in my arms, horrified eyes fixated on the feline brandishing a knife. He quickly put it down, striding towards me with raised and open hands.

“I was joking, just joking, jagi. Go and sit at the table with the others, breakfast will be done soon, okay?” - he apologetically whispered out, tucking a strand of hair away from my face. 

I nodded, cheeks heated as I silently took my seat with the little feline in my hold.

“Lix, hey, Lixie, wake up.” - I tried to gently nudge him awake, but he only groaned and buried his face deeper into my chest, earning a sigh from me.

I knew how he got in the early morning, I witnessed it a few times already after all. He was basically stuck to you, as if you were his personal radiator.

So I simply wrestled his limbs off of me -with great force, even though he was still half asleep- and turned him around in my lap, so he was facing the table as well.

The others just gaped at us, mainly me, as the boy in my lap just widely blinked up at me before a bright smile broke out on his freckled cheeks.

“Okay so you just need to make grabby hands at him. Now we know the strategy.” - the wolf said, as if it was the most normal thing to blurt out. “Didn’t think it would be this easy, but here we are. I wanna be the next.” “That’s unfair, Hyunjin, I wanted to be!” - Binnie shouted out, making me slightly startle from the volume. “You were too slow, get fucked.” “Hey! Language!” “Oh come on Chan, just shut up and eat. You two as well.” - Lino exclaimed with a pointed look, having finished with bringing out the food.

I was already busy with filling up my plate, all with things that Lix liked and made his eyes sparkle. It drew a little chuckle out of me, because I basically had to feed him, seeing as he refused to eat on his own. Every bite earned a delighted hum from him, his tail happily curling around in the air.

Being so absorbed in feeding him and watching his reactions, I had forgotten to eat, thus I found myself face-to-face with a piece of food. It was Lino, something that didn’t surprise me, because he did this a lot. It was his silent way of taking care of the other, so I accepted the food with no complaints. His scent sweetened, earning a little hum from me.

“Look, Dal hyung’s tail is wagging so much. I’ve never seen it like that before.” - Bin whispered to Channie, the two’s eyes trained on my form.

I instantly looked behind and sure enough, he was right. Blood rushed to my cheeks, my tail stilling as I willed it to do so and fed Lixie the last of his food. He leaned against me, content purrs never stopping leaving his chest. I slightly tightened my hold on his waist, my other arm collecting food for myself. Even though Lino fed me -and the others a bit too, even though they were jealous-, I was still hungry.

“Babyyy, why did you stop? It was sooo cute!” - Channie whined, deepening the blush on my cheeks. “You’re going to turn him into a tomato at this rate, Chan hyung.” - Jin butted in, snickering. “Oh as if you aren’t part of this!” “You’re damn right I am.” “Lix, you can borrow that sweater I never let you have if you let me have your place.” - Binnie took the chance while the other two bickered. “Deal.”

That was how I found myself with a pika stuck to me on the couch after we all finished eating, the small herbivore not letting me go even when I went to get some water from the kitchen. No, he was just like Lixie, while Channie and Jin pouted on the other end of the couch. Lino just watched it with amusement in his eyes, taking some pictures for future blackmail against all of us.

I just let it happen at that point, ready to accept that I would not be left alone for the rest of the day.

And I was right, because when I went to help Lino in the kitchen with lunch, I had to do so with a pika stuck to my torso. I managed, but thanks to that I couldn’t dodge all of Lino’s slaps, his satisfied chuckles still ringing in my ears.

They would be the death of me, I was certain.

I was only let go when it was time to go, my mind having forgotten about that due to all the shenanigans that had happened. My pulse immediately picked up slightly, only rising while I went and changed my pants into something else that I could wear outside.

The collar I had to wear didn’t help.

-.-

Once again I found myself standing before that hybrid rehabilitation centre, fitted with a mask and a hat, one of my hands held by Lino.

In we went as a group, the young ones leading the way, while Chan brought up the back. It was the usual setup, me in the centre somewhere, supported and comforted by everyone’s presence. My stomach was rolling from the presence of people and all the smell, the thought of what was going to happen soon not helping the slightest.

But I followed them silently, obediently. I had no choice, but to.

“Did anything happen while I was away?” - Jisoo asked, his eyes looking over our forms critically and meticulously. “Dal hyung cheated on me!” - I could only stare with wide eyes at Jin, caught by surprise, while the human just laughed. “And how did that happen, Hyunjin hyung?” “First of all, if you call me so formally once more, I will have revenge. Second of all, he cuddled AND fed Felix! Then he cuddled Changbin! Can you believe that??” “Sorry, sorry, it just feels wrong to not call you guys like this. Forgive me Hyune.” - Jisoo laughed, bending over to gasp for air as the others laughed with him, Jin’s theatrics amusing them.

Not me though, I would have ran away and dug myself a grave had Lino not been holding my hand so tight, his knuckles were turning white.

After everyone calmed down and teased me until I swore my ears were red under my hat, the human asked me something weird.

“And Bae hyung, how do you like the name Hyune came up with?” - his eyes were warm and held no malice, only some teasing lights could be seen shining in them.

Ah, so Jin really did give it to me.

I merely smiled, eyes turning into crescents as I looked at the floor, not giving them a verbal response. But they knew, they could tell what my answer was. I felt it.

“Alright, I’ll get the papers done then. Let’s go, before they usher us out for lazing around and being in the way.” - Jisoo instructed lightheartedly, leading the way down a hallway.

We took different turns than last time, but the place remained the same; colourful walls illuminated by warm lights, fresh air being let in by huge windows littered on them. It allowed me to stay relaxed just enough to not bolt, my shoulders hunched as I squeezed Lino’s hand for reassurance. He responded every single time, not late even by a second.

“Baby, do you want someone to go in with you?” - Channie asked, his voice low and soothing.

I instantly nodded, hesitantly grabbing onto his shirt. He smiled, taking that hand in his and rubbing over my knuckles gently. He talked to the others for a bit, but I zoned out as I was focusing on my breathing, trying to not let my body shake and panic consume me.

It would be fine, it was just a quick checkup, nothing more.

“Ah, Bae-ssi, there you are. I assume you arrived fine?” - the doctor greeted me enthusiastically, but his eyes drifted towards my companion as the question left his lips. “We did, don’t worry, doctor. Thank you for accepting us.” - the wolf replied, bowing. “Oh come on Chan-ssi, I keep telling you not to be so uptight, but you’re so stubborn. I’m just doing my job, nothing special. This treatment should be the norm, so shush. Now, Bae-ssi, please sit down with your back facing me and pull up your hoodie.”

I did as the human instructed, Channie’s form in front of me as my eyes were cast down towards the floor, his hands massaging my shoulders. I felt some light touches along my back and heard the human hum sometimes, but nothing else happened. Then he asked me to face him, his hands now hovering near my head.

Thankfully he only touched me if it was purely necessary, the wolf behind me helping him with getting my hair out the way most of the time. I was grateful for that, the knot in my stomach not tightening more thanks to his actions.

“Alright, I can happily announce that you’re completely healed, only the faintest of scars remaining in some places. You wouldn’t even notice them if you didn’t know they were there. Really, Bae-ssi, your healing factor is amazing. Now, any discomfort, pain or anything that I should know about? Have you been alright?” - the human said in a cheerful voice, his chair rolling along the floor as he was searching around for something on his desk.

I hummed in denial, after all, I felt completely fine. Even my throat seemed to have recovered, speech not painful anymore. I still preferred non-verbal communication, much to the dismay of the others.

The human hummed in reply, accepting my answer. But then my vision directed upwards, my eyes staring into Channie’s. He smiled at me, his eyes warm nebulas I could get lost in and I almost did as his thumbs gently went back and forth on my skin.

I heard the wheels on the human’s chair squeak as he rolled back over, but the wolf didn’t let go of my head to let me look. Not even as my sleeve was rolled up, no, his hold on me was firm as he changed position and came to my other side in front of me, pushing my head into his abdomen.

That left a weird feeling in my chest, my heart starting to hammer in its little cage.

And then I felt a stinging sensation in my arm.

My body immediately tensed up, hands flying towards him, desperately trying to push him away by gripping onto his hoodie, even as he tightened his grip on me. But I couldn’t win against him, not when one of my hands was held in place, another sting following the previous one.

My mind was spiralling, taking me back to places I didn’t want to ever go back to.

The fabric on my back was suddenly too thin, as if nothing was there, leaving me feeling vulnerable and exposed. Feeling the clean air on my skin always meant one thing, the thing I despised the most. I desperately wanted to get out, to push my back against the wall or run away, but they always caught me.

Not my back, please, anything but–

“ –by, baby, you’re okay. It’s over, you’re here with me. Take deep breaths with me, just like I taught you. In, then out. Yes, like that, good job! In, and then, out.” - Channie’s voice entered my ears, drowning out the screams I had heard in my head.

His scent was strong, the dirt and moss overpowering my senses as the picture of white walls and cold lights disintegrated, replaced by darkness as my face was still smushed into his hoodie. A hand was gently carding through my hair, his lips murmuring comforting nothings into my ears. I flicked them in response, my tail swishing once.

I was alright.

In a few short seconds we were out, Channie thanking the human, the latter only smiling and waving at us. I didn’t do much, I only remembered holding the wolf’s hand, following him out the door and towards the others, who smelled a bit worried seeing us.

“What happened?” - it was their human, Jisoo, who asked what was on all their minds. “What we feared was true… The doctor gave him a slight dose of something to help him relax, that’s why he’s a bit out of it now.” - Channie’s hand never left mine, his thumb only stroking gently over my knuckles.

Immediately the others surrounded me, worry oozing out of their every pore. It saddened me, how their scents were sour, the flowers trampled over and the easel knocked over. With every inhale I felt it, my heart cracking in response.

My body finally responded to my calls, letting out a low growl and a whine, letting them know it was okay. They responded within the same heartbeat, chirps and growls entering my ears. Their scents let up a bit, satisfied for now after hearing me.

And I was fine, until I remembered my back was still wide open, the thought itching me wrong.

Thus I walked in front of Jin and picked him up on my back, a surprised yelp leaving his lips in response. He latched onto me, confused, but letting me do my own thing. The others were similar, but they let it go with a small laugh.

I felt safer this way, something primal inside me satisfied for now.

“Alright, we’re here. Let’s take Ji home, even if only for a few weeks, shall we?” - Jisoo said, a smile as he looked at us before opening the door.

The scent of the ocean hit me, my eyes greeted with an excited little squirrel. He bounded over to us, the clothes on him a bit too big for his stature as they practically consumed him alive. His lips were in that heart-shaped smile, his hand waving excitedly as he went over to hug practically everyone. When he was coming towards me, Jin hopped off my back quickly, making me confused and a bit hurt.

“Woah, are you okay? Your pupils are wide open.” - the squirrel rambled out, his eyes wide as they stared into mine.

I blinked and looked away, nodding as I turned towards Jin, wanting an explanation. Instead I felt a weight hit my back, my arms quickly flying up to support the little herbivore that practically flew onto my back. The others panicked, ready to catch him in case I threw him off or anything, but…

I didn’t.

His presence was fine, surprisingly familiar. There was a connection between us, one that reminded me of Jin.

And as he leaned onto my shoulder, our cheeks touching, I finally realised why.

He had that extremely faint smell of clean and antiseptic, making me realise why his colours struck me weirdly. He was like me and Jin, well, like one of us, making my lips curve downwards.

I was hoping I was wrong. I was so, so hopeful…

And yet, here we were, walking through colourful hallways as I was carrying him on my back, silently listening to him and the others converse. They chatted as if it was normal, as if somehow this little squirrel had been the part of the pack all along. They immediately clicked, like puzzle pieces of the same picture.

“How can you guys not be on him all the time? He smells like hot cocoa you drink on a snowy winter day in front of a fireplace, all cosy and bundled up.” “That’s the thing, we are. You just need to use your puppy eyes on Bae and you’ve already won.” - Binnie answered the squirrel’s question, making me whip my head towards him.

They were talking about me AND outing me right under my nose??

“Hey, look, we’re right.” “No more snacks for you.” - I answered the pika, making him whine and fruitlessly beg me to change my mind.

Amidst all that, I smelled a human rushing towards us, its footsteps echoing down the hall. I let out a growl, my stance wide and ready in case of anything. The others immediately quieted down, standing next to or behind me, alert.

Just as it was about to touch Jisoo, I growled once more, the sound frightening the poor thing.

“Uh, s-sorry, but Jisoo-yah, I’ve been looking for you. I know you already have like six hybrids and you just took one in to foster, but I am BEGGING you, take this one puppy with you. He’s constantly causing trouble, pranking us and I’m losing my mind!”

Sorry, what now?

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