#on self-acceptance

[petrichor-moss-and-lightning]

Belladonna of Sadness (1973) // Clementine Von Radics // Lilith Kerr (me lol), Unloving the Knife

on taking up space

[lotuspositivity]

You don't have to force yourself to bounce back so quickly. I read something recently that said "when you come in from a rainstorm, you don't expect yourself to be dry and warm right away", and it really resonated with me. It's okay to take time to dry off and warm up. Take the time you need to process what happened to you.

[thelatestkate]

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[doccywhomst]

[shamelesslyimpurrfect]

(X)

[fox-guardian]

"maybe if i dress more boring i'll get gendered correctly by strangers" that's the devil talking

[maskedmelody]

Will I ever be enough?

[a-path-by-the-moon]

[sunderwight]

SV scenario where Luo Binghe is the same age as the peak lords, and it was in fact the last gen of peak lords who beefed (unfairly) with Tianlang Jun, well before their successors were on the scene.

So Luo Binghe gets accepted into Cang Qiong contemporaneously to Shen Jiu, Yue Qingyuan, Liu Qingge, Shang Qinghua (Airplane flavor), etc. Shen Yuan is also there, not related to Shen Jiu, just making his way through the Beast Peak ranks and praying that the plot doesn't find him (it does).

Luo Binghe is still also accepted as a disciple to Qing Jing. He and Shen Jiu are rivals. Mostly because Shen Jiu quadruple hates him for having a similar background but being the "ideal age" for beginning his cultivation, and being competition for the head disciple position. How is he supposed to take over the peak and be second only to Yue Qingyuan and have power & money & social security forever if the world's luckiest fucker is right next to him, doing everything better with just as few advantages and managing to be slightly more personable on top of it?

Shen Jiu wants to bury Luo Binghe a million feet under, meanwhile Luo Binghe just wants to become a cultivator and doesn't even have designs on the head disciple position. He'd let Shen Jiu have it, except that SJ's made it clear that if he becomes peak lord he's going to do everything in his power to run Luo Binghe out of the sect entirely, and possibly also kill him and make it look like an accident.

Enter Shen Yuan, whose shizun has recently discovered his Liu Qingge wrangling talents and ability to understand more than half the shit that comes out of that Shang kid's mouth, attributes this to his equally phenomenal success in getting otherwise horrifying demonic beasts to treat him like a Disney princess, and loans him out to the current Qing Jing peak lord as a sort of Jackass Whisperer who might figure out how to resolve the drama between disciples long enough for the peak lord to actually assess their potential. Without someone get poisoned, or missing a test because they were locked in a shed, or getting the time of the test wrong and having to be awkwardly escorted out of a brothel by one of their shidi.

Shen Jiu and Luo Binghe manage to misunderstand this situation as like, whoever wins over Shen Yuan the best will be declared the superior strategist and get confirmed to the head disciple position.

They are both absolutely terrible at figuring out how to get people to like them, though. Shen Jiu just keeps attempting to find blackmail material and Luo Binghe is like, well I guess I could seduce him. That's practical. Plus I want to seduce him, so win-win. But then he's running aground against the rocky shores of Shen Yuan's internalized homophobia. Which only gets worse when Shen Jiu figures out that either Shen Yuan has no skeletons in his closet, or else what skeletons are there are so bizarre that he can't really utilize them, so Plan B: Steal that Beast's Idea and Also Seduce Him gets implemented.

Shen Jiu starts being "friendly" in the exact same weird way that Luo Binghe has been attempting, and Shen Yuan read the book, he knows these two are usually only nice to other men when they're plotting their demise, so he's just like why me??? Why do they both want to kill me??? WHAT DID I DO???

[the-crooked-library]

i think i've mentioned it before in passing but it still fucks me up how Orlok is a physical manifestation of every "wrong and sinful" desire that Ellen tries to repress, as well as the panic that is associated with them.

the first sexual urges of her puberty (he claims her "ever-eternally"). the desire to dominate her husband (he dominates Thomas at the castle, demanding the subservience she never could). her queerness (he drinks from Anna, long and deep, and destroys Harding's family). the desperate longing for companionship, regardless of how dark and abnormal she believes herself to be (he answers her call from miles away, crosses an ocean for her, wants her, wants her, wants her - but she cannot imagine being wanted without repercussions, and so he brings the plague with him, a punishment for the sin of receiving what she craves).

Ellen is a mess of crushing guilt. she only ever sees ugliness in herself and i think it's so compelling to see her being desired above all else - not despite, but because of that ugliness, y'know?..

[gamora-borealis]

need a spray bottle or something for every time dan says "i'm so sorry" to a phannie who tells him that his content has been significant in their life. like bitch cringe is dead and you made our lives better, just say thank you!!!

[biblicallyaccuratemoth]

Before I realized I was Trans, I had this intense...longing for a life I felt I couldn't have. And eventually that somber sonder crystalized into a nugget of self-loathing, and this idea that the reason I wasn't allowed to be a girl was because I was being 'punished' somehow.

Absolutely nobody deserves to hate themselves. Relearning self-love is hard, and I know so many Trans people who are working on it. And it's important to keep working on it. You are worthy of love.

[lotuspositivity]

You aren't ungrateful just because you're frustrated with your situation. You can feel upset while still being grateful for what you have. Two things can be true at the same time.

[thelatestkate]

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[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Why self-diagnosed autistics are valid

medical diagnosis can be expensive

humans are the experts on their own minds

family may prevent assessment

diagnosis criteria is a poor checklist of stereotypes

diagnosis criteria ignores gender, race, sexuality, culture & more

medical diagnosis confirms autism, but doesn't create it

discrimination within the medical profession may prevent diagnosis.

Assessment waiting lists often long

medical trauma may make assessment unfeasible

Neurodiverse Journeys