#part of the issue is that things ARE NOT LABELED as they’ll tell you they are in the instructions

[swiggity-swexual-i-am-asexual]

My favorite part of fafsa is where it doesn’t even ask you if your family is going to contribute, it just assumes they will, and then spits out a total bullshit number based on that 🙄

[bexreadstoomuch]

Magic Man - Chapter 12

After Winning your local Battle of The Bands competition, you don’t realise it’s your old school crush’s band that’ll you’ll be supporting for the next 4 months. Can you put the past behind you and forgive?

its a couple of days after new year's - does y/n regret what happened? is she ok?

NSFW — slow burn, fluff, flirting, reader has weight/image issues light angst, 18+ overall for eventual smut, drug/alcohol mention/use/language, angst, smut, fingering, confessions of attraction, EddiemunsonxFemReaderHenderson

Masterlist Part 12/? [wc 4.2k] a/n - TW- This chapter is very close to things that I went through, depression, sadness, body image issues, no self worth. please please like, share and comment, your comments make me so happy and encourage me to write more! thank you <3

12 - Im Sorry

January 1990

New Years was a whirlwind of emotions. 

Joy, sadness, relief, shame and uncertainty.

You kept your promise to Eddie that night, as soon as the countdown began to bring in the New Year he pulled you to a secluded corner, bringing both his palms to either side of your face and pulled you to him with a gentle kiss.

He pulled away flashing a huge toothy grin at you, pressing your foreheads together, staring deep into your eyes.

“You kept your promise and I'll keep mine sweetheart” Eddie whispered to you.

“Thank you Ed’s” you whispered back “I best go see the girls and wish them a happy new year, they’ll wonder where I disappeared too”

Eddie nodded, bringing your hand up to his lips leaving a kiss on your knuckles “As you wish” bowing down to you, making you blush and gently squeeze his hand before trying to move away, but he wouldn't let go.

“Eddie, come on, you better go see the boys” you pleaded with him, not being able to stop smiling.

With that he gave you a wink and moved across the floor in the direction of the bar.

You look around the room and you notice Lula practically on top of Gareth, it seems like they think they are the only people in the room. I'm so glad she's happy. But you cannot see Jack, thinking she must have gone back to your shared room already. 

You look around one more time, catching Eddie's eye. You give him a small smile, which he returns, raising his glass to you, watching you turn and make your way to the exit.

In the days that passed you couldn't stop thinking of that night. The way Eddie made you feel, his hands on you, holding you, caressing you. “Y/n? Are you ready to do this?” Jack asks, coming up from behind you, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Yeah, just a little nervous is all” you turn to reply.

Wyatt had come to you all the day after new years day, to ask again if you still wanted to accept his offer of joining the record label. You had all wholeheartedly agreed again. 

“Girls, I'm so happy you will be joining our family here. I haven't told the boys yet, but they should be here shortly and we’ll tell them together before the press conference in a few days, yes?” Wyatts southern charm calmed you all down, as you could see Jack and Lula were as nervous as you.

All nodding, Wyatt smiled a small smile, letting out a chuckling sigh. You haven't seen Eddie properly for a few days since New Years. You couldn't bring yourself to be around him. Yes he promised to stay quiet with everyone about what happened between the two of you, and you're grateful that he has, because part of you is regretting what happened.

You kept thinking to yourself that you have to give him another chance, but you couldn't fully give yourself to it. You kept seeing him staring at you from across the stage, giving you a small smile every time. 

You'd feel the heat rising in your face every time you caught his eye, but from behind him you'd see Kelly glancing over towards you with a look you couldn't place. Was it hatred? Was it disgust?

“So what's this meeting you wanted, boss that gets us up at this ungodly hour?” Eddie's voice echoed around the stage as he walked onto the stage from a side wing followed by the rest of Corroded Coffin.

“Very funny Munson it's 11am, now come down here we got something to tell you all” Wyatt shouts across the room towards everyone motioning with his hand for them to all gather around.

You glance over at Eddie, giving him a small crooked smile, looking down at your shoes, nervous about what his reaction is going to be when he finds out the news. He returns your smile, throwing a little wink your way. You let out a small giggle, which is quickly distinguished as you see Kelly saunter over to Eddie's side, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. He must have noticed the change in your face as he moved sides ways taking her hand off of him looking over at her raising his eyebrows. 

Kelly gave out a short harsh huff through her nose and crossed her arm across her body, looking in your direction, looking you up and down smirking. “So I gathered you all here this morning for two reasons. One, we have a press conference to mark the halfway point of the tour in a few days. We are going to make an announcement that we are going to extend the tour” Wyatt explains to everyone.

“Extend?” you look over at him surprised “for how long?”

“Why yes, we have been having exceptional demand, so another 3 months, going up into Canada, and that brings me to the second part of the reason I brought you all here. We have decided to offer a contract with the girls here to join our family” 

“WHAT?” It was Kelly's voice louder than most. Her shrill shout is a stark contrast to everyone else's joyful shouts. 

Jack looks up in shock at Kelly “What's that supposed to mean Kels?”

Kels? Why is Jack calling her Kels? You look between the two trying to figure out what that exchange was about.

“You two I get but HER?” Kelly shouts pointing at Jack and Lula, then wavering her hand up and down in the direction of you.

Lula suddenly tries to lunge forward towards Kelly, but Gareth manages to grab her around her middle just in time.

“LET ME GO! No one ever disrespects Y/N'' Lula screams struggling against Gareth's arms.

“Lu, come on babe, calm down! Kel’s come on, that's out of order!” Gareth says trying to calm Lula down and drag her away from the situation. 

“Wyatt this is a bad idea, who would want to see THAT on the cover of an album!” Kelly pleads

Over all the shouting, there comes loud banging noise. “EVERYONE! STOP THIS NOW!” Waytt is slamming down his walking stick into the ground.

“Kelly this is not your decision to make, we are signing with the girls tomorrow during the press conference, they will make a great addition to the family! And that's what we are! Family!” you've never heard in the 3 months of knowing him Wyatt raise his voice at all.

Lost of words, with a look of thunder across her face Kelly turns heel and storms away across the stage in your direction, stopping just next you turning and saying “I know what's going on and it's not going to work, you've hurt him once, i'm not going to let it happen again”

You're rooted to the spot not able to move, trying not to let the tears fall from your eyes, as you watch Kelly walk towards the exit door, slamming it behind her. You suddenly feel a pair of strong arms wrap around your middle, a chin resting on your shoulder, soft curls brushing your cheek, the faint scent of cigarettes and mint.

“Just ignore her sweetheart, I’ll talk to her later” Eddie's voice is almost a whisper in your ear.

You still can't say anything, pushing his arms away from your middle, you just walk away not saying a word to anyone.

“Y/N, please don't let Kelly ruin this moment for you, i'll have a word with her later about her behaviour” Wyatt takes a hold of your arm as you walk by, his voice almost soothing. “We wouldn't ask you to join us if we didn't think you had this amazing talent, don't let anyone tell you otherwise”

Nodding your head, you made your way back towards the motel next door to the venue wanting to be alone.

“Y/n please stop walking so fast!” Eddie's voice calls behind you.

“Eddie please just leave me alone, I need to be on my own for bit, please” 

Walking faster you reach the door of your room, trying desperately to get the key to your room, when Eddie is next to you, hand on your shoulder trying to turn you around.

“Please, what Kelly said was completely out of order, I promise i’ll talk to her, please sweetheart look at me” Eddies voice falters on the last words causing you to face him.

“What's that going to do Ed’s? Hmm? She's right, look at me! She's right! Just leave me alone!” Your voice shakes with the tears falling down your cheeks.

You get the door open and hurry inside, shutting it abruptly behind you, locking it behind you.

“Y/n please, come on!” Eddie calls through the closed door.

Curling up on the bed tears stinging your eyes, wrapping yourself in your blanket to try and comfort yourself.

Eddie keeps knocking on your door pleading for you to open the door for him, but you roll over covering yourself up more, trying to block the world out from everyone, consumed by your own thoughts. After a short while you hear him stop, curse under his breath and walk away from your door.

The next day you awaken with a sore head and bloodshot eyes from crying yourself to sleep the previous night. Thoughts running through your mind of what Kelly had said to you.

She was right in your mind, who would want to see you on an album cover? You didn't have the same image as everyone else. Lula was cute and bubbly and blonde and curvy in all the right places. Jack had the hard rock image that no one would mess with.

You made your way from your bed to the full length mirror looking at yourself, grabbing hold onto your soft stomach, large thighs, and hating everything that you see.

Why did Eddie say all those things to you on new years? You didn't want to believe he was like everyone else. Just saying those things to get to brag about being with a big girl. But the small voice in the back of your mind was taking over. You felt so foolish that you let it go so far with Eddie that night. Why did you let it happen?

You can't deny it felt good. It felt really good, but were you moving it too fast? Is he going to think you're easy? Did he really mean all he said?

He called you beautiful, but you couldn't see it.

There were no shows scheduled for a few days before the press conference so you hid away in your motel room, not answering the door to anyone, not even Jack or Lula. You could hear their worried voices behind the door, trying to encourage you to come out but you were not budging. They would bring you a bag of food from the local diner and leave them outside the door for you. Seeing the contents you would eat a few of the fries they got you but leave everything else. You just couldn't bring yourself to eat. 

On the third day of your seclusion you decided you needed to get out of your pit of a bed and get a bath. Looking at yourself in the small bathroom mirror you didn't recognise yourself. Huge dark bags under your eyes, matted hair sticking up in all directions, still wearing the same oversized tee you'd thrown on a few days ago to try and hide yourself.

Turning the tap of the motel bath you sat on the edge of the tub watching the water rise, dipping your hand in moving it back and forth floating through the surface of the water.

Deciding to have a rummage through the cabinets you found some basic lavender scented bath soak, which you tipped into the water, breathing in the relaxing scent. Lifting your top over your head you took another look at your reflection in the mirror.

Imagining what you'd look like if you didn't have wide hips, large thighs, large breasts. Wondering if people would prefer you if you looked like those models you'd see, long blonde hair, skinny long legs, perfect perky tits.

Lowering yourself into the warm water you instantly feel yourself relax. Leaving the bathroom door open you could see the clock on the adjacent wall by the TV hanging on the wall. You had no idea what time it was. You had lost complete track of time while locked away to yourself. Just hearing the tick of the hands going around.

It was gone past midnight.

Closing your eyes, you let your body slip down the bath until your head was under the water. It was peaceful. Quiet. Allowing the water to relax your tense muscles.

You'd been here before. That night after Hellfire. It had taken your mom and Dustin over a week to get you back from being locked away in your room. Your mom got so scared you'll hurt yourself she took all the locks from the doors, including the bathroom. One day she came to find you in a similar position you are now, under the water of the bath, but fully clothed. She dragged you up by your shoulders, shouting at you through her tears. Trying to get an answer from you, but you couldn't say anything staring blankly past her.

You're suddenly brought back from your thoughts, by a muffled knocking sound. Lifting your head back above the surface, the knocking continues. Sighing deeply you lift yourself from the water grabbing your dressing gown wrapping it around you wondering who would be knocking at this time of night.

Slowly making your way to the door you look through the peephole, seeing Eddie with a distressed look upon his face.

He knocks again.

“Hey, Y/N I know you're in there, please, let me in, I need to talk to you” You could hear the desperation in his voice.

You slowly move your hand to the lock and chain opening the door. Eddie stood in the door frame in his black jeans, Reeboks and a large plain black hoodie, his curls tied up in a loose bun at the base of his neck, a few curls loose framing his face.

“Hey Eds” your voice is small, so quiet you're surprised he heard you.

“Sweetheart, are you ok? I've been so worried about you, we all have” he moves towards you into the room but you take a step back, looking around sheepishly.

“Y/N?” Eddies look around the room noticing the brown bags of now cold food, that had been left for you barely touched.

“Have you eaten anything at all?” you could hear the concern in his voice, it cuts into you deep.

Looking down at your bare feet, you shake your head, your chin starting to tremble, your knees going weak.

Eddies rushes towards you engulfing you in his warm embrace, as you both tumble to the ground. He menovers you so you are sitting on his lap as he brings your damp head to his chest, resting his chin atop your head.

“Please sweetheart, don't cry, i got you it's all ok, im here, i promise i'm not going anywhere” Eddie rocks you slowly back and forth soothing you, relaxing you as your cry into his chest your hands grabbing the front of his hoodie, keeping him close.

You don't know how long you stay like this. Time escapes you. But you start to shiver, remembering you're completely naked apart from your dressing gown.

“Doll, you're freezing, come let's get you warm” You didn't want to leave his embrace but you knew you needed to get dressed, to feel remotely human again.

“Here, sit down i'll find you some clothes” Eddie manoeuvres you back to your unmade bed sitting you down, as he makes his way to your duffle bag on the side table by the bathroom door.

You watch him silently go through your bag, thinking you'd be embarrassed having him go through your things but right now you didnt care.

He come back over to you holding a pair of leggings, an oversized Iron Maiden tee, zip up black hoodie, socks and your worn high top converse.

“I didn't know what you'd like but I thought these looked comfy” he looked sheepishly at you, finally admitting, “ill er let you choose everything else” guestering towards your bag.

It took you a minute to realise he meant your panties and a bra. Letting out a soft laugh through your nose, you nodded and made your way over to the bathroom holding your clothes, grabbing everything else on the way.

“I'll be back out in a mo” Looking back you see Eddie has taken your place on the edge of your bed his hands together fidgeting with his rings.

“Take as much time as you need doll, i'll be right here”

“Thank you Eddie” you softly close the door behind you, sitting on the edge of the bath, reaching over to release the water down the drain. 

Getting dressed again, you started to feel somewhat better, but you had so many thoughts and questions gnawing away at you you needed some answers from him.

Making your way back into the room you saw Eddie was now standing, with your blanket wrapped up over his arm, your notebook, and 2 bottles of beer.

“Come with me sweetheart, I want to show you something” Eddie held out his free hand for you.

You thought for a moment whether you should take it or not, but your body answered for you by reaching out and intertwining your fingers together.

“Where are we going Eds?” you questioned him as he lead you out of your room and down the pathway.

“Just a quick detour to my room, and then you’ll see” Eddies voice was hushed as not to make to much noise going past all the other rooms. Reaching into his hoodie pocket he produced his key, adn unlocked his door.

“I’ll be right back” he sneaked into his shared room, not wanting to wake up Jeff who was snoring away face down in his bed.

“Ok lets go” Eddie said, reappearing now wearing his trademark sleeveless denim jacket. The very same from school. 

Taking your hand again in his, he led you across the motel car park, round the back of the building to where you had parked the buses a few days previous.

You were heading straight towards the rear of Bertha where the ladder to access the roof platform was located.

“Come on doll make your way up i’ll be up there in a second” Eddie was smiling at your with that huge toothy grin, that always made you blush.

You placed your foot on the first tred and pulled yourself up working your way to the top. Once you reach the top it look all the strength you had not to cry again.

He must have been here earlier as there were pillows and blankets laid out everywhere, little fairy lights lining the edge of the platform, and a wide low chair that looks like it was one of the sunbeds from by the motel pool.

Pulling yourself over the top, you hear Eddie making his way up to you.

“I hope this is ok Y/n? I asked Jack if I could do this and she said as long as I don't manhandle Bertha and it was for you, then it's all ok” Eddie explained as he placed your blanket on the back of the chair and the beers and your notebook down beside it.

“Eds this is beautiful” you can't believe he would do something like this for you. He made his way over to the chair sitting down with a leg hanging over each edge, leaving space in the middle. Once seated he shuffled his denim vest off, motioning for you  To sit down next to him. 

You slowly make your way over towards him taking the seat between his legs. Once seated he places his jacket over your shoulders wrapping you up in his familiar scent. 

“I don't want you to get cold again,'' whispering in your ear, moving a stray piece of hair from your face tucking it behind your ear.

Sighing gently you quickly nod not wanting to look at him, feeling you could combust.

You feel him shift next to you learning over and you hear a click, and then soft music plays. You instantly recognise the gentle guitar intro ‘Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin’ he must of brought a tape player up here too.

“C'mere sweetheart” Eddie moves back towards you placing his hands on your upper arms. “Lean back into me”

“Eddie, why did you do this?” You question him as you gently lean back and bringing your legs up onto the lounger.

“Well I feel I have some explaining to do, and also I wanted to make sure you were okay. Plus it was a beautiful evening and I just wanted to share the stars with you”

Eddie's cheek was now pressed next to your own as he placed his head on your shoulder.

“Kelly was completely out of order with what she said to you y/n” 

“Eds shes right, come on, look at me, who would want to see me on an album cover, they want someone like Lula or Jack. It doesn't matter about talent anymore it’s all image” You retort back to him

“Sweetheart, you are the most beautiful person I have ever met! Look, everything I said to you at New Years is true. You are beautiful inside and out” Eddies hand had come round to turn your face towards him to look you dead in the eye so he could prove to you he wasn't being deceitful. 

“If it takes me every single day of the rest of my life to prove that to you, than so be it!” Eddie was determined to prove his worth to you, but something was nagging at you.

“I need to ask you something about Kelly, something she said to me” You shift around to face him better.

“She said to me ‘it's not going to work, you've hurt him once, i'm not going to let it happen again’ what did she mean by that Eds? Did, erm did you two, errrm, were you two together when this tour started?” you asked him nervously.

Eddie let out a chuckle, looking down at your worried face.

“No y/n me and Kelly were never together, not at all, were just really good friends, we look out for each other, she's like a sister to me, I promise you, its just you”

“Does she hate me?” You ask fiddling with a loose thread on the bottom of Eddie's hoodie sleeve.

“No doll, she doesn't hate you, she's just looking out for me is all, I promise once you get to know her she's great. But it's not my place to tell you her story. I told her my side of what happened between us all those years ago and..I’m sorry y/n im sorry for what happened” Eddie's voice trailed off quietly.

“Look y/n, why were you avoiding me?” 

“I, erm, Eds im sorry, I just didn't know what to do or say after new years, I felt stupid for what happened” you feel Eddie's whole body stiffen under you.

“NO NO wait! I don't regret it at all, Eddie no! Not that! It's just myself. I. I. I don't know why someone like you would like someone like me. I don't even like myself” Your chin started to tremble again, shifting in your seat so you were facing him fully, your legs crossing underneath you.

“y/n, sweetheart, I lost you once, I don't want to lose you again” both of Eddie's hands move to cradle your face, storking your cheeks with his thumbs to wipe away the tears threatening to fall from your cheeks.

“Please, I promise you y/n, it's only ever been you”

Eddie's hands move back to your shoulders, down your arms bringing you back to him, cradling you to his chest.

“Ok Eds, you won't lose me, I promise” looking back up at him, you move closer to each other hovering over each other's lips. He doesn't move any closer, letting you make the next decision.

You break the distance, bring your lips to his fill ones gently, melting into him.

It's a gentle kiss, but you can feel the intent behind it. Breaking away you lean your foreheads together just enjoying the moment of being together.

Leaning back into his arms you both look up at the night sky, eddies pointing out different constellations to you, explaining each one.

You felt content for the first time in days. You never wanted to leave this moment. He didn't want to lose you, and you didn't want to lose him again either. You needed to talk to Kelly, find out her side of things, but right now you didnt want to think about her. All that matters is that you were here with the man you cared about so much. 

Your Magic Man.

Tag List - @corrodedcoffincumslut @bohemianrhapsody86 @themrsmunson @emmalee-01  @jennk182

[bridgyrose]

Beacon had classes on lawyering. Ruby signs up to be a defense attorney in case her team ever gets into trouble, but is surprised when Cinder signs up to be a prosecutor.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Blake asked.

Ruby smiled a little as she tried to adjust her stance with her heels, knees shaking as she started to lose her balance a bit. “One of us has to know how to defend our team in case something goes wrong. And I can learn how to defend us in case we end up in any legal trouble.” 

Weiss sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I can handle all of that just fine after we graduate. Besides, dont you think this is a bit extreme for yourself?” 

“Yeah, but as our team leader, its my job to make sure that we stay out of trouble.” Ruby paused for a moment. “Or… at least that’s what Professor Goodwitch tells us in leadership training. So I’m going to sign up to learn how to legally defend ourselves if anything comes up.” 

“And what kind of trouble do you really expect for us to get into?” 

“I mean, any mission we take has a chance of collateral damage that could be pinned on us if something goes wrong while trying to stop any grimm.” 

Weiss rolled her eyes. “Fine, you have a point.” 

“While I’m glad you thought this through, that’s… not exactly what I meant,” Blake said as she sat down. “I’m talking about dressing up like this for a mock trial. You know you dont need to do that, right?” 

Ruby paused for a moment as she finally managed to keep her balance in the heels she wore and looked over the dress she had on. “I-I wanted to look my best for this today. Even if it is a bit restricting.” 

Weiss shook her head. “You should get going now or you’re going to be late.” 

Ruby nodded and started to walk through the halls of Beacon as the sound of her heels clicking along the floor echoed around her. Of course she had felt nervous at the prospect of this kind of trail, even if it was just a mock trial, though another part of her felt relaxed about it. Just the idea of being able to keep her friends safe even away from grimm made her heart soar. 

The smile on her face started to fade as she made her way closer to the signup lists for the mock trial once she saw Cinder selecting her own name. “Cinder? What are you doing here?” 

“The same thing you are,” Cinder answered with a smirk. “Though, maybe on the opposite side. Someone has to keep huntsmen in check, otherwise they’ll be able to get away with everything they want.” 

“Yeah, but… that’s… that’s not the point of the class. Its so we can learn to keep ourselves out of legal trouble if the grimm-” 

“And that’s the issue, isnt it? Its never the huntsman's fault, only ever the grimm or the rogue hunter they’re after. Just like when you and your friends took Roman and that stolen mech to the freeway, putting people’s lives in danger just so you can stop him, right?” 

Ruby looked away for a moment, that particular incident still hitting her hard. It hadnt been her team’s fault that the fight moved its way to the highway, at least not completely their fault. There wasnt time to get him anywhere else and everything else had happened so quickly. “We… we didnt do that intentionally…” 

“And yet, here you are, unpunished for putting lives at risk.” Cinder grinned and pulled her hand away from the signup board. “If your plan to be a hero means putting innocent people at risk just so you can get your thrills, then maybe you’re not cut out to be one.” 

Ruby sighed and looked up at the signup board as Cinder left, her arm shaking as she slowly pressed the button labeled “Sign up” and pressed each letter of her name. Of course she wanted to be a hero, and part of being a hero was learning how to make sure to keep everyone safe, even when everything about the job is against her. With a deep breath, she finished entering her name and accepted putting herself on track to learn how to be a defense attorney, hoping to be able to learn more about defending her teammates’ actions if a job goes wrong. She had to make sure no one would get in trouble.

[frecklenog]

transandrophobia is a weird thing to think about for me as a transmasc because i’ve never once met a transfem who has openly considered me lesser or as a bad person or a freak for pursuing medical transition like hrt and top surgery, or even just for being a guy. in my experience, that kind of hatred and prejudice has only ever come from cis people. the same men who tell tgirls they’ll “never be real women” are the same ones telling tguys we’ll “never be real men.” the same women who tell tgirls they’re inherently dangerous and disgusting because they’re amab tell tguys that we’re “mutilating” our “beautiful female bodies” and that we just hate women. and yet a lot of people who are against transmascs having a label for their experiences seem to point to hatred of transfems and trans women.

i’m not going to make the argument that transmisogyny isn’t real, because it absolutely is. and it should be discussed and resisted. transfems are not just women/fems, but human beings with bodily autonomy, and are deserving of respect — regardless of how they present themselves. i don’t care how long her beard is, what her hairline looks like, or anything else. she told you her name is sarah, and i will fistfight you over it.

but the same is also true of transmascs. there are those of us who have been raped or otherwise assaulted because “a real man would be able to fight back” (a bullshit argument in the first place — assault is never the fault of the victim, and cis men are also often victims). transmascs are not just men/mascs, we are human beings with bodily autonomy, and are deserving of respect, regardless of how we present ourselves. i don’t care how big his boobs are, that he’s wearing a dress, or anything else. he told you his name is oliver, and i will fistfight you over it.

if i’m honest, i think my issue with transandrophobia is mostly as a term.

“transmisogyny” is described as the intersection of transphobia and misogyny — that is, a bigotry towards transfems in part for not fitting the platonic ideal of femininity.

“transandrophobia” in turn implies the intersect of transphobia and androphobia. but “androphobia” is defined as the fear of men — which, if i may be frank, i don’t think cis men have — certainly not on a large enough scale for it to be considered systemic.

to be glib — and this is just my opinion as one (1) transmasc — i think that what’s often defined as transandrophobia is an intersection of transphobia and either terfdom or misdirected misogyny. i’ve been very lucky in that my own experiences with it are limited, but much of the bigotry that i’ve faced specifically for being transmasculine has been born of people perceiving me as a woman (or rather, as a girl, since i haven’t really “passed” as feminine since i started my transition in high school).

as i stated before, afab bodies are viewed as commodities. how will anyone ever love you if you hack your boobs off? what about your potential to be a mother — the highest, most divine honor that can be bestowed upon a woman, and clearly the most important matter at hand — regardless of what you want? do you really want a disgusting scar on your arm?

(that last one is usually accompanied by images of phalloplasty skin graft sources in the early stages of healing, or that have become infected (as any surgical scar can), completely disregarding that 1. the donor skin can come from other places, 2. it normally does nothing to impede one’s ability to use their hand in the long run if the arm is chosen as the donor site, 3. phalloplasty isn’t the only type of bottom surgery available to transmascs, 4. the scar will fade with time, as all scars do, and 5. scars are absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in the first place. if you are self conscious about it, you’re allowed to tell people not to concern themselves with your medical history unless they’re providing you with medical care. otherwise, it’s straight up none of their fucking business.)

i don’t really know what question i’m asking, much less the answer to it. but ultimately, i do feel that the divide centered around transandrophobia — whether you want to call it that or something else — does more harm than good to the trans community as a whole. arguing that transmascs don’t face unique forms of bigotry is stupid, just like arguing the same about bisexuals/pansexuals/asexuals is. but we have more in common with our transfem sisters than we do differences from them, and we should focus primarily on fighting for each other and uplifting the other members of our community regardless of our perceived differences. sorry you forgot that this is supposed to be a place where people are accepted for who they are and diversity is celebrated, and not the fucking oppression olympics.

[devinkarlson]

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[aspecpplarebeautiful]

so i am aroace and have a romantic partner. they know i’m aroace and how important my identity means to mean, but sometimes they’ll say aphobic things or I’ll explain labels to them, how i’m sex/romance repulsed by their statements and it’s like talking to a wall! and honestly i’m really hurt by it :( i enjoy being around them and being with them, but not when they’re not like this. worst part is they don’t seem to understand that their “jokes” aren’t funny and instead insensitive. guess what i’m saying is what should i do? i’m really hurt and idk how to communicate it to them in a way that’ll get through to them.

Yeah, this is a serious issue. It's important in a relationship of any kind that you're respected. Part of being respected includes respecting your labels and identity, and that means things like not making fun of it, not making fun other people with the same/a similar identity, and listening to you when you talk about it.

It also includes when you say something bothers you, that you're listened to and they try and understand it.

If you want you can look into communication techniques in relationships online, and you will find some good tips. Generally you'll get advice like using I statements, or focusing on the behaviour not the person (so the difference between saying 'that joke was aphobic' vs 'you're aphobic'), ways to try conflict resolutions, etc.. Sometimes it doesn't matter how well you're speaking, the other person also has to be willing to listen. If you feel like you should give it one more try, you can try a sit down where you can have a serious conversation with them, but in that case they should be listening and trying to understand. If they're being dismissive or defensive there may not be much you can do.

Personally I would think about reconsidering this relationship, even if other parts of the relationship are good. These jokes/opinions don't come out of nowhere, either they're harbouring these kind of views or they're getting them from somewhere (for example maybe their social media they may be following some aphobic accounts) and don't see anything wrong with them. And this is the type of issue that if they don't take steps to learn and stop it is more likely to grow and get worse.

I always tell people with friends who say these kinds of things and the other person refuses to listen and learn that they may want to reconsider the friendship, because long term this can negatively affect mental health and self esteem. A romantic relationship it can be even worse because this is someone who's supposed to be supporting you, and that includes supporting your identity.

I'm sorry you're in this situation at all, Anon. It's definitely a difficult one. I hope things get better for you.

Take care and good luck!

[makeste]

I saw this take on twitter about Hana & Kacchan having “reverse parallels” and since they both have apologised to Tenko/Deku (but one was more or less sincere and the other was absolutely sincere) and they said that, while Hana moved away from Tenko, Kacchan ran to catch Deku. There was also more to the thread abt Kacchan & Hana’s differences. They were sorta trying to argue that this is a clue that Hori intends for Bkdk to be sibling-like/brotherly. As a bkdk shipped, I’ve accepted that it makes sense.. cause it’s an established fact that Tenko & Deku parallel each other. Tenko having his own “Kacchan” makes sense. Tho yes I am a little sad since I’ve held a little bit of hope for romantic bkdk becoming canon. I just wanted to ask your opinion if Hana was really meant to foil Kacchan or was it just a reach?

okay so I have a couple responses to this.

1. while it's true that Horikoshi has woven a lot of deliberate parallels between Deku and Tenko's characters, that doesn't mean every single thing about their lives and every single person they interact with is a part of those parallels. which is to say that no, I don't really think Hana and Kacchan are meant to mirror each other in any kind of significant way. Hana's apology to Tenko was under completely different circumstances than Kacchan's apology to Deku; I really don't see any connection between the two situations. you might as well be trying to compare Hana to Endeavor, or Deku, or Hawks, or Aizawa, or any other character who's apologized to anyone over the course of the story.

2. please pardon the forthcoming rant, anon -- and I hope you know that none of this is aimed at you in particular -- but for me personally, this whole obsession with ships becoming canon is one of the most exasperating types of discourse there is. like, don't get me wrong, I totally understand people wanting to see their favorite ships validated by the author, and not to mention there's also the issue of having more LGBTQ+ representation. but speaking as someone whose own orientation (aromantic) has almost no representation in fiction whatsoever, it gets frustrating to see so many people dismiss non-romantic relationships as being an inferior type of ship, to the extent that calling a relationship "sibling-like" is now a commonly-used attack in ship wars. so many people view romance as this completely transformative element, to the point where two characters can literally tick every other box on the intimate personal relationship checklist, and none of it will matter to some people unless they actually confess their love and kiss.

and again, I'm not saying I don't understand it, especially since queerbating is a thing. it's one thing if a writer is genuinely just trying to portray a close friendship, especially in series where romance isn't really a focus. but it's another thing entirely if a writer is deliberately hinting at a romance in a blatant bid to attract a larger queer audience, while all the while having no intention whatsoever of having those hints lead anywhere. the issue, I guess, is that it's not always easy to tell which scenarios are the former, and which are the latter. and of course, you also have people who think that the former is a type of cop-out as well, because the thing is that romance is always viewed as the default. so for a lot of people, allosexual and alloromantic relationships are the only ones that get considered as far as representation goes.

but you know what, I'm just gonna say it; even knowing where people are coming from, it's still discouraging to know that so many people are so dismissive of aro and ace relationships that the thought of a favorite ship not becoming romantic in canon is considered a profound disappointment. and it's even more discouraging that the thought of a rival ship becoming canon is considered such an existential threat to some that they will literally use "oh, they're just like siblings" as an argument against the ship, rather than a point in favor of. because siblings are a downgrade. friendship is a downgrade. any kind of close relationship that isn't inherently romantic or sexual in nature is less important, and that's just how it is.

so yeah, that's kind of a pet peeve, ngl. especially since the truth is I actually do think Bakugou and Deku's relationship is very akin to siblings. and so I do sometimes get weary of not being able to just outright say that without having to first pepper the statement with all kinds of disclaimers so that people don't think I'm invalidating the ship. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells if I ever want to talk about their relationship in terms that I can personally relate to.

but I mean, here's how I look at it. they've known each other since they were small children. they call each other exclusively (or almost exclusively) by childhood nicknames. they have an openness and an unspoken, almost taken-for-granted trust in each other to the point where they'll share closely guarded secrets ("I got my quirk from someone else") and personal vulnerabilities ("why was I the one who ended All Might?") with barely a second's hesitation which they would never share with anyone else. they have a comfortable little bickering type of rapport ("I'm getting stronger"; "well I'll just have to get even stronger then"; "you'll never surpass me"; "we'll see about that") which they can fall into with ease and which looks weird af to outsiders, but is "normal" to them and something they're both grateful to have.

they're so intimately familiar with each other's personality and behaviors that they can predict them with perfect accuracy. they're so in tune with each other that they can whip up elaborate coordinated attacks right on the spot in perfect sync. their admiration for each other is so strong that they each think of the other as being the epitome of winning and saving, respectively. their mental images of each other are so vivid that they subconsciously mimic each other's speech patterns whenever they start falling into a particularly strong Win or Save mindset themselves. they take no small amount of pride in showing off for each other. they go apeshit any time the other is in danger or hurt. and each of them would literally die for the other if it ever came to that.

all of that is already canon. on just about every metric imaginable except for "now kiss", the two of them already have a canon intimacy that rivals just about every other great relationship out there. and so to say that none of it actually counts unless there's an actual love confession involved frankly just boggles me. again, maybe it's because I have no personal vested interest in romance myself, though. I'm literally just not wired that way, and so I'm really not the best person to vent to when it comes to these kinds of concerns.

but look, no matter what happens from here on out, these two care about each other on a very deep and personal level. they're going to continue to be a part of each other's lives no matter what. and each of them, no matter what, will continue to occupy a space in each other's lives that no other person can fill, regardless of how we or Horikoshi or anyone else choose to label and define that space. and so in my book, that's already a win.

anyways, apologies again for the impromptu rant. again, this wasn't particularly directed at you in any way; if anything it's mostly just a generic response to the constant shipping discourse in this and every other fandom, and a more detailed explanation for why I personally don't like to get involved in it. this is just one of the myriad reasons why I try my best to stay very far away from BnHA twitter lol.

[agendratum]

i’m not sure what’s the point of me making this post, but i feel that if i don’t make it i will explode. lately i’ve been reading even more posts discussing the issue of restricting adult content in order to protect kids from accessing something they shouldn’t access. and even tho to my dash they usually get already filled with opinions and points from people with whom i agree, and they all explain their view of this issue in a wonderfully worded way, i still end up seething with rage, probably from the fact that this discourse even exist and cause there are people who still don’t get it, even after so many lengthy posts were written to explain why labeling stuff correctly and letting minors know this stuff right here isn’t for them is good, but censorship really isn’t. anyway i might even regret making this post later, but currently i’m literally seething so here it is.

here’s a picture of some books i own with their wonderfully colorful covers.

you might recognize some of these books.

top row, from left to right: leah on the offbeat by becky albertalli, wilder girls by rory power, the upside of unrequited by becky albertalli, we are okay by nina lacour, darius the great is not okay by adib khorram

bottom row, from left to right: love, creekwood by becky albertalli, i was born for this by alice oseman, simon vs the homosapien agenda by becky albertalli, aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire sáenz and one book that is actually from russia, the days of our lives by mikita franco

you might also notice that all of these books are labeled as “18+”. you might wonder, why that? none of them contain anything explicit! (haven’t read darius and the days yet, but i have a funny feeling they also don’t contain anything too “scandalous”) they are all beloved ya novels that tell stories of teenagers or high school graduates going through their life journeys, emotional journeys, self-discovery, coming outs, coming-of-age. even the body horror in wilder girls has nothing on the shit that happens in warrior cats books that i read when i was 10 (and those are not labeled as inappropriate for kids btw). so why would they be labeled as 18+?

well i’ll tell you. they all in one way or another touch upon the topic of lgbt+. they all have characters, main or secondary, that are gay, trans, etc. these characters being queer isn’t even always the main point, i mean yeah, simon is about a journey of a closeted gay teenager, but in wilder girls they’re just trying to survive on an island with a deadly virus. yet they dare to be gay while doing so. 

well, you might ask, what about it? there is nothing 18+ about being gay

labeling these ya books as 18+ might be the only way for this publisher to sell them in every bookstore around the country with no issues. (there are of course other publishers that work with lgbt themed books, but all the books in this picture happen to be from popcorn books, an incredible russian publishing house, that’s doing god’s work this all the books they sell). all thanks go to the law against “propaganda of non-traditional sexual relations among minors“ that was passed in 2013. and while you might think that none of these book actively participate in so called propaganda, it’s just always better to be safe than sorry. (this is also probably the part of the post where i should specify, this is how i see the situation and this wasn’t outright stated by the publishing house itself, but in no point of time since the law was passed in 2013, would it be a smart move to announce proudly: “we’re labeling these books as 18+ even tho they’re not 18+ at all, because we don’t want to break a stupid law that makes no sense and is ruining people’s lives”)

the first book from this picture that i bought was simon, it was also one of the first books published by them. i was in my twenties already, definitely not a teenager. i also already read simon a couple of years before that happened, in english, on my phone. i was the happiest when i held it in my hands, when i took a subway train where i carefully peeled off the protective layer of plastic film, not meant to protect the book, but meant to protect the minors from taking a peek at the 18+ books, as all of them are covered in film when sold in bookstores. i cried at some random mention of simon being gay on one of the first pages, as i never expected to read that in russian translation.

thankfully, when you go to a bookstore, as well as a library, and buy books, no one asks for your passport. it doesn’t matter what you buy. and after all, you don’t even need to go to a bookstore, you can just order the books online. you can order directly from the publishing house too, no one will ask how old you are, and no one will stop you from taking the film off the book once you own it.

but you can lock the books away. create a separate section for adult content. make cashiers in bookstores always ask for your passport when you buy books like that. make them not sell books like that to you if you’re under 18. these? these will also end up being locked away. the kids that just want to read about other kids like them will have to find loopholes to maybe somehow get them on the internet or ask somebody else to buy them, if they even have anyone to ask. or they might not even find out that books like these exist. but at least they’ll be safe, right?

you might say, “well, there is no such stupid law in MY country, it wouldn’t happen here”. all while there probably was such stupid law in your country like 10-15 years ago, and you just conveniently forgot, because you live in a bubble. and besides, if bookstores and libraries and websites will start locking books and other things away based on them being inappropriate for kids, who will be in charge of deciding what’s inappropriate? do you trust the judgment of your government? is its judgment of what’s right and what’s wrong perfect? maybe corporations’ judgement is? or maybe yours? what if the people in charge will decide that something that you deem appropriate actually isn’t and lock it away? at what point protecting the children turns into censorship in your eyes? and at what point the realization will come that there are no safe dosages of censorship that are okay, if it’s to create a safe space, if it’s for the “greater good”. there is no line you can cross, if the line just doesn’t exist.

[wolf-queer-discourse]

Adventures in Aphobia #3

My last two Adventures in Aphobia both took on similar flavors of eye-rolling at shameless, obvious bigotry to anyone willing to look or care. But today, I found a different type of aphobia, and I’m actually eager to talk about this one. Have a read of this first.

Look, the bar of respect for ace people is so low it’s all the way in hell, but I mean, to many people, especially allosexual people, they may look at this post and think, “No, this isn’t aphobia. The poster wasn’t blatantly cruel.” But what some fail to realize is that politeness can be the thinnest of veils over the ugliest of takes. Polite bigotry gaslights the victims into thinking they can’t be upset about this.

So what’s the deal with this post?

PARAGRAPH #1 starts off innocently enough, saying ace discourse wouldn’t exist if people recognized complex relationships to sex and relationships. Even taken on its own, I do not agree with this. Ace discourse ranges all the way from outright denial of asexual existence to the strong hatred for and exclusion of aces from the queer community. Nearly everyone recognizes people have complex relationships to sex...that...that doesn’t mean ace people won’t be discriminated against. In fact, it’s an argument aphobes use constantly to try and gaslight ace people into erasing themselves. Ace discourse comes from a lot of places, but at the end of the day, it all stems from people’s refusal to acknowledge ace people and their unique experiences. This poster absolutely does not get to say “IT’s CoMpLicAteD”, and expect ace people to just disappear. Honestly, it’d be better and more honest if they said “Lol, ace people should go fuck themselves and hop to the back of the line with everyone else.”

PARAGRAPH #2 and #3 are not very objectionable on their own. Everything said is true. Society has very complicated views on sex, and life happens to all people. The ugly part of this is that the poster is setting up an argument here in which they will hand wave ace people into the “everyone else” crowd and pretend as if we’re all just too similar and no labels should even exist.

This is literally what enby-phobes do. They say “Well, gender is COMPLICATED”, which is true, but then they say “So like...aren’t we all really nonbinary when we think about it? Why should enby people label themselves?” I swear we’ve all seen this. The poster is agender. This argument could easily be whipped in their face. Different forms of bigotry can share very clear overlaps, and it’s very important to acknowledge where these arguments come from and why they exist. It exists as a way to shut people up. It happens to bi people too! Every day, people come out as bi and someone tells them “pff, everyone thinks girls are hot. I had a crush on my best friend once, that doesn’t mean I’m not straight! All people are like this!” Let’s call out this erasure where we see it. It’s not the same thing, and if anyone saying stuff like this truly believes what they’re saying, maybe they’re the ones who need to reevaluate their own identity.

PARAGRAPH #4 dips its ugly toes straight into blatant aphobia, having the gall to call ace and aro people “obsessed” with pretending their relationships with sex and romance are wholly unique and different. Nah, fuck right off with that bullshit. The poster even goes on to say ace people have created entire new social classes. Uh...WHAT? Is there some secret ace society with a caste system living in the shadows?? What is this person talking about?? I suppose you can’t be a true bigot unless you have some vague grievance to weakly hand-gesture at that you couldn’t prove given 20 years to do so. For the love of my sanity, just say you hate ace people! It’s okay! (I mean, not actually, but Jesus Christ does it save us all some time). They also say things like “somehow excluded from”. Replace asexual people with nonbinary people and take a joyride through this section, because the arguments are scarily similar. What would it take for this poster to acknowledge ace and aro people have their own experiences? Seriously, what? What holds you back from doing this?

It’s also funny to note the actual lack of substance to this argument. The poster is not giving any specific examples or even bringing up what being ace and aro mean. Yes, there is a pretty noticeable difference between feeling sexual attraction and not feeling sexual attraction. How many “allo” people do you know that say they’ve NEVER experienced this? Come on. The poster reduces asexuality and aromanticism down to allo people’s, in their own words, hyper-specific contexts where they don’t want sex or love. At least the poster admits any circumstance that allo people are comparable to ace people are extremely specific. But for real, are we hinging a whole argument on a few very specific examples of allo people having some similarity to ace people?

“Nothing about your relationship to sex or love makes you more or less LGBT. If you are gay and don’t want to have sex, ever, you are still gay. “

Mini strawman alert for the idea any ace person thinks you’re less gay if you’re also ace. And bonus points for an aphobe who refuses to use the definition of asexuality: not experiencing sexual attraction, and instead goes for “don’t want to have sex”. For the last. Fucking. Time. Not wanting to have sex and being asexual are NOT the same. Don’t make me pour gasoline in my eyes every time I see this.

After this, the poster goes on a tangent, which by the tone, seems to think it's very inspiring, and says no matter how you want to have sex (including only certain days of the week), you’re still straight! It’s so fucking condescending and gross to talk ace people out of their own identity like this.

“EVERY person who is heterosexual is different in how they perform or experience.”

Oh. My. GOD. THEY DIDN’T EVEN SAY STRAIGHT. THEY SAID HETEROSEXUAL. WUGGYUEGYUG. God help me. Can one be both bisexual and heterosexual? No…? Okay. So then. How is one both asexual AND heterosexual? What single brain cell in this poster’s head was responsible for this Chad of a sentence? I—

*deep breath* 

So. It’s interesting how the poster says “perform or experience it”. Asexuality is an identity. It is not a performance, and it is not defined by your actions. A straight person not having sex does not become asexual. And sure...people with the same label can experience their sexuality differently, but...to a point, guys. You can’t experience your sexuality out of the DEFINITION of the label. Heterosexual: Sexual attraction to the opposite gender. Asexual: Sexual attraction to no one. If a “heterosexual” isn’t sexually attracted to anyone, they are by definition, not heterosexual. It takes insane mental gymnastics to make this argument, so A for flexibility, I guess? 

“Gayness, straightness, and bisexuality are not defined by HOW you do or don’t want sex or HOW you do or don’t want to date, it’s just defined by WHO you want to be with.”

The first part of the sentence is correct, but it also defeats this person’s entire argument. Ace people AGREE with this. Being asexual is not the act of not having sex!! It’s not experiencing sexual attraction! You can google this! The second part of the sentence is mostly correct, depending on your interpretation. The issue is in part with the words the poster used: gayness, straightness and bisexuality. These words are not all equivalents. Gay could refer to sexual and or romantic orientation. Thus an ace gay person. Straightness is not actually an equal word to gayness. This is because straight is an exclusive term for a normative sexuality (in society’s eyes) in terms of sexual and romantic attraction. Some ace people DO call themselves straight, though it’s inaccurate. Ace people can be heteroromantic, but because being straight is so exclusive, you need to be both sexually AND romantically attracted to only the opposite gender.

The post basically ends telling ace people they’re all actually straight and were just confused the whole time. Lovely. And an erasure of gay aces too! Believe it or not, gay ace people do not like having their ace identities erased. Who’d have guessed?

Honestly, if anything this post is just kind of sad. A sad reflection of what people believe and how they truly do not see their own bigotry. They believe they’re freeing ace people from an incorrect label. They’re the heroes.

They’ll say “it’s okay, you’re not asexual” as if they've like...lifted a burden off of ace people. Like, “Oh, you think I’m not asexual? Cool, cool. Glad you cleared that up for me!” It’s sad how aphobes think, some very genuinely, that asexuality is just some high school party that went off the rails, and we’re all just coming out of the drunken haze, ready to go home. Ready to all laugh about it later, tease one another about how wild and silly it all was. 

Having your identity erased like this is fucking horrible, and I hope people like this can take a look in the mirror and see themselves clearly. All ace and aro people have a right to their identity, whether gay, bi, heteroromantic or anything else. End of story.

[one-real-imonkey]

Well, you talked about the chips, so prompt:

Guard having their chips removed and what happened after

Not for the first time, my mind has created an AU of an AU, so this is another way things could have gone from the point where Hound revealed the footage.

Please enjoy.

———

Fox went into surgery alone, his siblings off planet or in surgery themselves. The Jedi with him was kind, but they weren’t who he would have wanted.

He woke with Cody by his side, and as he shifted to try to get more comfortable and get a better look, he saw Rex on the other, asleep in the chair in what couldn’t be a comfortable position, worry creasing his face.

Cody helped him shift but not sit up with a clearly relieved smile and he took in the recovery room he was in.

It was mostly empty, and though it was designed to hold up to 16 patients, only one other bed was occupied.

Hound was in the bed behind Cody, and next to him Pup, oddly in a chair not a bed, still sleeping. He couldn't see Thorn or Thire or Stone or any of the others, but he had to trust they were ok, because it was over and Hound, his oh so brilliant selfless little brother, had done it.

Palpatine was gone. The war was over, or at least on pause.

His vode were safe.

"Fox, you're awake?"

"Yeah Rex’ika, I’m awake. How are you?"

They both had bandages covering new scars, a scar he was sure he now shared, like all of them. Another way they were identical.

"I'm... shellshocked, but I'm coping. But what about you, how are you?"

"Headachy."

It was true, his head was killing him. But then, it wasn’t like he’d never worked through a headache before.

Wait...

"How are you two here already? No way you made it back to Coruscant that quickly."

"Fox..." Cody paused so he and Rex could exchange a look, and that never meant anything good, "you've been unconscious for a week. We both came back, went in and out of surgery, recovered, but you just wouldn't wake up."

“Well I had mine on the ship, but that’s not the point. You’ve missed a week vod.”

"Do… do they know what was wrong?"

He had a few ideas, none of them good.

"They have a few theories. It's happened a few times across the whole GAR, and they're comparing the chips they had to the rest of us, and... Fox all of the Guard took longer to wake up than any other unit, by a few hours. All your chips have been slightly different, they're not sure why yet but..."

"Use. Palpatine. Using them probably did something."

"Thats what the Jedi are guessing."

"Hound?"

"Get some rest vod."

"No, no!" Fox struggled to sit up against his brothers holding him down, "No, tell me what's wrong!"

"Fine, just calm down."

"Fox, Hound's chip was broken, literally split. They had to take it out in two parts. They're not sure how or why, but it also shows the signs of being active. They don't know why he hasn't woken yet, but his vitals are steady, the healers say it's when he wakes, not if."

"He's not the only one," Rex added, "one of my men is suffering some after affect issues, balance and dizziness and weaknesses in his left limbs, his chip was rotted. And while Wolffe went in and out of surgery no problem, his chip was broken, but then, chances were it was the same injury that cost his eye. There have been a few issues across the GAR, and the Jedi are helping all of us."

"Stone, Thire, Fix, Thorn? They’re ok. And Wolffe, Bly, Ponds?"

"All fine. Fix and Stone are bullying the medics for more intel and Thire and Thorn are resting with other members of the Guard. They'll be back soon. Pup isn't even meant to be in here, the healers tried to kick him out to make him sleep but..."

Fox looked over to where his vod'ika was asleep against Hound's bed. Like hells anyone was going to be able to keep Pup out, not with how much Hound had done. He was actually surprised the rest of the Guard hadn't shown up and refused to leave.

“And the others?”

“Wolffe and Ponds are with the Council, Bly is with General Secura in the lower parts of the Temple setting up accommodation for the Clones.”

“…tell me.”

He knew his vodes faces, knew their expressions. Something had happened.

“Palpatine was arrested, but some of his supporters have claimed he’s being framed. That Hounds footage was faked, that the Jedi and Clones were attempting a coup. It’s… people like Senator Amidala and Organa are on our side, quite a few planets have backed us, but… but for now all Jedi and Clones have been labelled deserters and for deserting traitors, and marked for death. The Temple is locked down and defended, and between the proof and everything we set up, there’s a good chance things will go our way…”

“But we’re having to prepare for the outcome that it won’t. Palpatine planned for everything.”

“Exactly, but we have it in hand, so you can get some rest. There’ll be plenty for you to do once you’re back on your feet. Take a few days, Vod, you’ve more than earned it.”

———

Ohh this is a fun AU AU, I might have to continue this. Some other POV of what’s happening, Hound waking up. Hmmmmm.

Thanks for the prompt. Hope you enjoyed.

Inbox is always open for prompts and headcanons and asks and all sorts. :-D

[1ddotdhq]

💿Sun 13 Dec ‘20💙

Happy Birthday, Fine Line! Have a Louis show! (Seriously, why can’t I get cool shows for my birthday like that??). So today’s been a busy week, huh? 

It is, of course, Fine Line’s anniversary, and the celebration kicked off last night, with a twitter emoji (it's Harrrry! Doing the FL pose so so tiny!) and the DYKWYA website changing. It’s pink and black and blue and white, and now tells us that we’re “loyal” and “marvelous” and “memorable” and “powerful” and “rare” and “real” and “staying six feet apart” (or 70 other lovely options). So either HSHQ got their thesaurus out, or they tuned into Louis’ show last night, because that’s EXACTLY how I would describe it. Anyways, the day started with a Harry sighting! Well, a video from last week that is, of him doing a MakeaWish FaceTime in a blue snapback. And then there was a Harry Lambert interview, where he directly addressed the discourse around Harry’s fashion choices, saying, “Harry will never wear something that he doesn’t want to wear...I always say, 'I‘m not doing my job if I’m making someone wear things' because I just think if someone gets comfortable in what they’re wearing, then it doesn’t matter if I think it looks good.” He went on to say, “There’s never an element of me forcing him to wear anything”. So - TAKE THAT, transphobes! We all recognize that saying “the mean gay man is making Harry look gay/genderqueer” is, uh, a REALLY bad take, right? Anyways, hopefully that’s the end of it, but we all know it won’t be. He also told us that Harry chose the (fake) pearls, asking “can I just wear these every day?” and they were only replaced with real ones after that strand broke, that he tried to get H out of the Vans for the Golden vid but he said nah, and about the Golden and WS videos “I kind of saw it as the same man just in a different place in the world” which, well- yeah? But the implication that that man was not Harry is interesting. Aside from that, we got some more terrible merch from HSHQ (including a shirt that is a glove with legs stuck on it, wtf), a few celebratory tweets from HSHQ, The Forum, Jeff Azoff (there's a theme here lol) etc, AND! A post from Harry himself: “I couldn’t be more grateful for you all continually finding new ways to change my life. Thank you for listening, and for everything else. I love you always, but especially today. H”. What? That’s his name, isn’t it? 

But, of course, H wasn’t the only one celebrating online today! Louis came back and answered some of our questions about the show. The first is that he sold over - are you ready for this? - OVER 160,000 tickets for the show, making it the biggest online show of 2020 by a solo male artist, and the third largest overall of the year. Even the Sun had to admit how “exceptional” that is, describing the show as "the equivalent of eight nights at London’s O2 Arena." Doing the math, this means he raised over $3.1 million from ticket sales alone! HOLY SHIT! Hearing that, Louis came on twitter to say (in reply to a quote by his PR company lmao), “This is truly incredible. No major label, no radio, yet here we are. The feeling of support I get from you all every time I do something is unbelievable. Forever Thankful! And they never see us coming!”. Of course, this incited another round of label discourse, wondering if this means he is still an unsigned artist. Does this simply mean the livestream wasn't put on by a label, yes, does Louis absolutely know about the discourse and is he being deliberate, I would also say unmistakeably yes. Which is not to say we know ELSE it might mean -- is he signed to an indie? Still label shopping and waving how much more they need him than vice versa in the hopefuls' faces? Signed but the contract doesn't start until there's a record in play (which when you negotiate your own contract and establish artistic freedom, as we can be very sure was Louis' priority, is what labels DO - they don’t manage every aspect of an artists career)? Signed by a major label, but shading the FUCK out of Syco about radio play for Walls? What we DO know is that it wasn't a label that put the livestream on, and damn if that doesn’t make it 1000% more badass. “Memorable”, “powerful”, and “rare” indeed! He’s still early in the process of LT2, as he told us yesterday, so we might have to wait a little longer to figure out what’s happening business-wise, but he made sure to tell everyone that his fans were an integral part of his processing the most inspiring way possible: “the power and the magic comes from the people you guys,” I COULD CRY that's MY inspirational leader THANK YOU. He goes on to say “don't undermine your role in all this... together with your support we're unstoppable!” He also called us “fucking relentless” (god knows that's true) as Walls hit the charts AGAIN, and talked about how the money raised will go a long way. “WE did that!!”

And with that, let’s talk a little bit more about last night’s (“bold”, “extraordinary”) show! ‘‘Copy’ is making its rounds on the internet, but YouTube continues to take down recordings of the show, which SUCKS, because everyone should be able to see it! Maybe in a few days when some time has passed, they’ll let it go up without an issue, or maybe they'll answer our pleas (come through one more time Louis!) and put out a DVD (and live album too how about, YES? Yes.), til then there are the downloads going around tumblr! Good thing we got Louis' seal of approval or just imagine the discourse. The ‘H’ shirt Louis was wearing last night is a Reebok shirt, which was being distributed in a few different places, such one where you could get a discount if you used the code ‘HL40’ and another where it was $28, lol. Was it the loudest Louis shirt ever- I mean I would say an unqualified NO but many are voting YES and are reeling so that's really fun! Welcome to the gang guys. Not likely to win any awards for being loud with such incredible competition but still very good SBBing-- Louis was wearing a stuffed bear t shirt in rehearsal pics. When you know you know, I guess! ;) The band is also soaking in the praises (as they should!) and have been re-posting fans’ stories on Instagram all day (as did LTHQ) - cheers, boys! 

Today’s Liam and Roman alarm was ALL us (well, not allll us, Roman did explain that the alarms would feature fans every Sunday, but then he handed the mic over). “Waking up to Liam and Roman is the best thing EVER! I don’t know why it gives me so much serotonin,” said one fan. I do! It’s because Liam is a real, live puppy dog and he’s so genuinely sweet to his fans. Love him lots, but I love him even MORE when he’s ON the advent alarm!

[goldenchan-fx2thepeacock]

Quick AU where Danny stays in town during Girls Night Out

Yeah, random thoughts spring into brain. Danny is trans. I think that's enough background info. Also, Tumblr got a new post editor, so I'm betaing it right now.

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Danny was supposed to go fishing with his dad. But something came up. AKA, Vlad wanted him to go visit him without Danny. So Danny was in Amity Park when he was supposed to be having dad bonding time. What could he say? His dad got that dumb book and everything. It was gonna be epic. Except stupid Vlad had to go and ruin everything. Whatever. Dad said they would go next weekend.

The first big issue was when Tucker disappeared. And he didn't. Might've been a dumb ghost thing. So he and Sam went to find stuff out. Except all the men in town were gone. It was glaring. "I-I'm sure it's nothing Danny!" Sam said nervously. "Yeah. It's gotta have been a stupid mistake. Maybe I'm immune cause I'm half ghost," Except there weren't any male ghosts either. "Yeah, that's gotta be it!" That when they heard Ember. "OH YEAH! NO MORE PESKY GUYS! IT'S A GIRL'S NIGHT OUT!" "Yes. You know, I'm surprised that worked. I was afraid it might've been a ghost only thing," Spectra drawled. "Of course it worked. The superior gender always prevails," Kitty replied. "And that's obviously female," Every vein in his body was pounding. "I think you might've confused sex for gender ladies," Sam said patiently. "We're not having sex!" Ember laughed. "You do realize how invalidating this can feel for trans people?!" Sam shrieked back. "If they're still here, that means it's a she," Spectra grinned. That was the last straw. He ran. As fast as he could. And for a half ghost that was fast. Once he got home, he slammed the door.

Sam saw Danny run off and knew how this was looking for him. "Isn't this rich? The ghost boy is really a girl," Kitty grinned. "I'm surprised I didn't notice sooner," Spectra laughed. Ember stayed oddly quiet for someone who was normally boisterously loud.

Danny curled in on himself. Herself. NO! Don't second guess yourself. It change the fact that it hurt. "All the men in town are gone!" He heard Jazz yell. "I realize that Jazz. Thank goodness your father is out of town," Mom sighed. "Wait, but Danny isn't! I really hope..." She was standing in his doorway. "FUCKING GHOSTS!" Jazz didn't swear. She never swore. "What is it Jazz? Oh. Danny, I'm so sorry," Mom pulled him into a hug. "I'll be fine," He grumbled. "Do you know which ghosts?" Jazz decided to change the conversation. "Spectra, Kitty and Ember," "Great. Spectra is going to use this horribly," Jazz grumbled quiet enough that only Danny could hear. "Listen, we have to get the guys back first," "Wait, if you're, that means any trans women in Amity are stuck there," Mom said. "Can we not talk about that? I'm seriously not in the mood," "At least pesky Phantom won't be here to get in the way," Jazz and Danny exchanged a look. Sam came bursting in. "Danny! Okay, I am going to make them even deader than before," Sam cracked her knuckles. "I'm fine Sam. Let's just find a way to fix this," "I have an idea!" Jazz said. "No," Danny, Sam and Mom said in unison. "Oh come on. Don't be like that. Not all my plans are bad," Jazz protested. "Speaking from experience (of being trapped in a thermos way too much for one night), that is completely untrue," "What was that about thermoses Danny?" Mom said. "Jazz put soup in my Fenton Thermos!" "I couldn't tell them apart! We really need to label things," "Like with a massive sticker that say Fenton?" "All our stuff has those!" "Fair enough," Danny conceded. It was the plan if anyone caught them talking about getting trapped in thermoses. It made sense because it actually happened. "Well, since Jazz's plan is out, I opt that we figure out how this whole thing happened," Mom said. "It's a combo between Kitty and Ember. Kitty has this thing that makes men disappear into another dimension. And Ember must've used her guitar to make it cover all of Amity. If we don't get them out in twelve hours, they'll be stuck there forever," "And I will have to resign to a life of raging dysphoria," "You were gonna have that anyways," "Times ten. This won't help anyways, but it won't be all bad," "Let's stop talking about you being trans. Danny, you're staying here," Jazz winked. He knew what that meant. They would get all the men back and Danny would keep the ghosts at bay. "Okay. So, from what they were blabbing, all we have to do is get them to do it again," Sam said. Once they had a plan in place, all they had to do was implement it. They left and Danny quickly transformed. Praying that Spectra wouldn't find a way to use this against him, he sped off. "Hey! Poo faces! I'm not gone, and it semi pisses me off!" He screamed. "Oh now sweety. Why would you want to leave behind the superior gender?" Spectra said. "Because it makes me feel horrible and like I was born wrong," "You were, weren't you," Don't let Spectra sink her claws in Fenturd! "Yeah, maybe I was, but if I work hard enough I can fix it," "How is Danny Phantom still here?" He heard Paulina say. Nope, not listening. "They're all going to know. You can't do anything about that," Spectra laughed evilly. "Now girls, follow the recipe! You too now," "I'm. NOT A GIRL!" The wail was probably ill planned, but Danny wasn't thinking straight. Shit, humans. He cut himself off. "Oh come on now. No matter how many times you tell yourself that, you still have to cover parts of yourself. Don't tell me you don't wake up every morning and wish you were a real boy?" "I am. I am a real boy. I just have to take a few extra steps to get there," "Oh come on now. Stop lying to yourself. Maddie, how can you possibly call these eggs? They're green," Okay, maybe dealing with Spectra first was a bad idea. But she was also taunting his mom. Deal with Ember. She must be better than this.

So he flew to a stage. Ember was rocking out with a bunch of girls. Sam was in the background. This was probably one of the less dangerous problems. "Listen, if you're going to taunt me for the fact that I'm still here, do it already," "Hey, listen kid. I'm not actually going to taunt you. Kitty and Spectra are being complete jerks, but I'm not going to judge you for being trans," "Y-you're not?" "Heck no! I'm doing this because I wanted to have a fun night without guys. You included. I'll just have to take a few extra steps to get rid of you!" Danny dodged the guitar strum easily. "Are you planning on bringing them back at the end of the night?" "That's really up to Kitty," "I guess," Sam could deal with Ember.

Next up was Kitty. Oh great, makeup. (I honestly forget what Kitty was doing, so makeup works) "Now girls. All you gotta do is apply the bronzer like so!" "Kitty! How would Johnny feel if he knew you were doing this?" "Oh come on now Ghost girl, you can't be serious. Johnny is having a guys night in all due time," "HEY! Don't you dare. Transphobia doesn't help anyone," Jazz yelled. "Oh stop complaining. She knows she doesn't belong with the guys. From the looks of it, Spectra's already gotten to you. This'll make this so much easier,"

The plan backfired immensely. Danny and Mom were a mess, Sam didn't manage to get the guitar, and Jazz just got in a debate with Kitty. Danny, having to keep up a facade, came downstairs. "How'd it go?" "Terribly. Though, I did learn the Ghost Boy is trans," Mom said. "Fascinating," "It's, well it's oddly human. Why would a ghost even bother?" "Turns out gender dysphoria comes to the grave," "Danny, this is no time for one of your morbid jokes," Yeah, maybe it was morbid, but it wasn't a joke. "Whatever. I guess we get to use Jazz's plan," "All we gotta do is convince them that a cis guy is still in town. Like wandered in after the disappearing act," "Great plan. Sam can't pretend to be me though," "How did you know I was going to do that?" "Lucky guess,"

So that's how Jazz ended up wearing a baseball cap and a pair of men's jeans into Ember's concert. "Did we really have to use a pair of dad's jeans? These barely fit," "You know, the fact that they fit at all should be surprising. Dad was skinny at one point in his life. Which means that one of us could be on his end of the gene pool," "It's probably you," "Don't make me think about that. Hiding what little chest I have is hard enough. If I got dad's genes, I'd honestly be terrified," "We haven't seen the women on his side of the family. And besides, you got the blue eyes black hair thing," "You are honestly scaring me. Now, I gotta scram before someone sees me talking to you. Mom or the ghosts," "Fair,"

And thus, the plan worked. Kitty, adamant that no men be left in Amity, blew another kiss. Ember amplified it. The men came back. The three got thermosed. Jazz laughed at their faces when they honestly though she was from out of town. Danny once again didn't get taken, even in ghost form.

Tucker and Sam found him curled up in his bed. "Hey man. I know this has gotta be tough for you," Tucker said. "Spectra had no right!" Sam continued. "Thanks guys. But I think I'm gonna take a few days off school," The trio heard Dash's voice outside. "Hey mom. I know what happened was scary. And I know it must've felt really bad, but I still see you as my mom," "Thanks Dash. I can always count on you to make me feel better," A woman's voice rang out. Danny looked over the window sill. "See Danny. It's not horribly weird. Just a few transphobic ghosts," Tucker laughed. "A couple," "What?" Sam and Tucker said in unison. "Ember isn't," "How do you know that?" "I talked to her," "Hey Fenturd! Don't you dare tell anyone about my mom! And don't be mean to her! I'm sure you wouldn't get it," "You'd be surprised Dash!" He grabbed his trans flag and hung it out the window. "I get it more than you seem to think!" Dash's mom smiled at him. "Y-you're trans? I thought you were just a loser!" "Yeah, and I had to talk to the transphobic ghosts. So I won't invalidate your mom!" Dash stared up at him. "Holy shit,"

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Praying that this uploads, cause I've got shoddy internet rn. And I'm working on my Gravity Falls crossover fic. I just had this pop into my mind. Prolly just gonna be a oneshot. I might make another fic about Jack's side of the family later, that's connected to this one.

[awanderingdeal]

Never too late - 8

An eternity later and it is here! Part 8 of 'Never too Late'. How much of this is me projecting? You'll never know.

CW: Food, alcohol, feelings of queer exclusion at prom, coming out, [very minor and it is shut down] compulsory sexuality.

Please message me if you feel I missed anything out.

Just a note, that due to the POV of this fic, there is a lot of linking between relationships and romance to prom. I just want to reiterate that prom absolutely does not have to be a romantic event if you do not want it to. The beef is more that queer kids do not always have the choice to go with their partners safely, and the stress of not knowing whether it would have been okay or not.

I hope that all of you that wanted to were able to have the prom you wanted and if you weren't able to, please know it is just ONE day. Throw your own if you want to. Don't if you don't want to. I know for myself, I have a lot of feelings about it, so please don't read this if it going to upset you.

Rating: T

Previous and future chapters can be found on my masterlist.

All credit for Sweater Weather and these characters go to @lumosinlove

8. Go to a dance. Kiss your first love. Well, at least you think they are anyway. But remember kids, consent always.

Leo was excited, to say the least. Sprawled on his bed, laptop in front of him and his cell to the right, he knew it was getting late, but he wanted to research a little longer. He had a venue and a catering team locked down; the latter he had done reluctantly, after yet another person had told him that he absolutely could not cater the event himself.

His phone buzzed insistently, and Leo grunted. Why would anybody call when you could just text? He grunted again when he read the caller id.

Regulus. What a traitor.

“Hello?” Leo answered, rolling onto his back. He felt a tightness in his lumbar region, and made a mental note to mention it to Hestia in the morning if the sensation was still there when he woke up.

“Go to sleep.”

“ I will soon,” Leo hummed. “Did you look at my text?”

“Leo. It’s 2am.”

“Yes, I worked very hard to learn to tell the time, thank you.” In truth, the last time Leo remembered checking the time, it had still been the previous day. Logan had a popped his head around the door to tell Leo that he and Finn were going to crash in one of the other rooms, and that Leo should get some sleep soon. Leo had nodded and assured Logan he wouldn’t be too long.

Regulus’ sigh on the other end of the phone interrupted his memory.

“And you’re getting cranky,” Regulus said. Leo could imagine the smooth raised eyebrow that accompanied the words. “If I tell you which theme I like, will you go to sleep?”

Leo shifted, pushing himself up against the stack of pillows. He nodded eagerly, before remembering Regulus couldn’t see him. “Yes. I promise.”

“I like both -”

“That is not helpful!”

“Wait a second. Merde. You should combine them.”

“That’s,” Leo wrinkled his nose, contemplating the idea. “That’s actually kind of genius.”

“You can thank me later,” Regulus offered smugly. “After you’ve got some sleep.”

***

“So Reg, who’s the lucky person who gets to be your date to this thing?” Finn asked, plucking a brownie from the plate in the middle of the table, before settling into the seat opposite Leo.

“It’s not a thing!” Leo protested.

“Sorry, babe. This prom,” Finn grinned.

Regulus worried his lip between his teeth, looking first at Leo and then turning his gaze back to Finn. “Do I have to go with someone?”

“Yes,” Finn said resolutely, at the same time as Leo shook his head, giving the opposite answer.

“No,” Leo repeated, narrowing his eyes at Finn. “People go to prom with friends all the time.”

“Okay, yeah, fine. You don’t have to,” Finn agreed, giving a placating smile. Leo hated that it worked. If he were being honest, they should probably utilise the O’Hara smile in diplomatic relations. “But don’t you want to have the quintessential prom kiss?”

“Finn -”

“I was actually thinking I could borrow Leo,” Regulus rolled his eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Apparently Finn didn't catch it though. His face contorted into a thousand different expressions in the space of a second. Conflicted. Contemplative. Accepting. “Well...I guess I’d be okay with it, if Leo is, but Lo-”

“That was a joke, Finn,” Regulus laughed.

“Oh, right,” Finn laughed as well, the tips of his cheeks tinged pink. “Well. Yeah. Prom kisses are nice. I had sex for the first time on my prom. Although, she did cheat on my two months later, so maybe I’m not the best example to follow,” he rambled.

“That was a lot to learn about somebody in a very short amount of time," Regulus commented, clutching his mug between his hands.

Finn shrugged, leaning forward to grab another brownie, seemingly uncaring about the wealth of information he had just offered.

***

“Hey, Le?”

Leo looked up from his phone, finding Regulus hovering next to him, shifting his weight from foot to foot. He cocked his head slightly in question.

“Can we talk?”

Leo frowned, setting his phone down on the coffee table and patted the seat next to him on the sofa. “You don’t usually ask,” he smirked.

Regulus’ smile back seemed strained, but Leo didn’t comment on it. “Earlier,” Regulus started as he took a seat, playing with the tips of his fingers before he stopped abruptly, placing them in his lap. “In the kitchen? What Finn said?”

Leo sighed gently, “Ignore him. Finn’s mouth and his feet are well acquainted. You know Finn. He just doesn't always think before he speaks. I’m sorry if he upset you.”

“You shouldn’t apologise for your boyfriend. If I wanted an apology I would have gone to him.” ” Regulus chided. His expression softened, his next intake of breath larger than usual. “Can you just listen?”

“Sorry,” Leo turned to look at Regulus properly. “You were saying?”

Regulus gave a small nod. “I don’t think I want that.”

Leo opened his mouth to speak, remembered Regulus’ request and snapped it shut again.

“Not the kisses. Not the sex. None of it. I think I’m asexual” The words came out in a single, hurried burst, but Regulus seemed to stumble over the last one, as if it was unfamiliar to him, unpractised. Leo could picture his friend frantically asking google questions, refining each search as he learned new information. He’d been there himself once.

A silence hung in the air, the two of them staring at one another, with an intensity that was making Leo feel uncomfortable, but he didn't want to be the first to break eye contact.

“Désolé," Regulus blinked. "Say something. Please."

Leo shuffled forward, his arms outstretched. “I’m going to hug you now.” He waited a beat to allow Regulus to protest, before pulling him close. Regulus sat stiffly, taking a moment to relax into the embrace and when he did, Leo squeezed him a little tighter. “Thank you for telling me.”

“I knew you’d be okay with it,” Regulus grumbled. Leo was sure he heard a hint of relief despite the attempt to appear ambivalent. He let Regulus go, putting some space between them again, knowing his friend had more personal space boundaries than Leo was used to dealing with.

“It’s still scary. Even if you’re almost certain it’s going to be alright. And just in case you need to hear it, I love you, you’re valid and even if you decide that’s not the right label for you that’s okay too.”

“What are you? Like, gay Yoda?” Regulus gave a small laugh, but he sniffed wetly. “Thanks.”

“A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defence, never for attack,” Leo made a fist, wrapped his other hand over the top and bowed his head.

“Nerd.”

“Wait, can I ask you a question?” Regulus’ consenting nod was slow and tentative. “Does this mean you’d prefer if I stop sending you half naked photos every other day?” Leo let the corner of his mouth curl into a smirk.

Regulus barked a very uncharacteristic laugh, deep and loud. “While I can appreciate the aesthetic appeal of Chris Evans, yes, I’ve seen enough of that man to last me many lifetimes .” He punched Leo lightly in the knee. Leo raised an eyebrow at the very frat - boy inspired action, and Regulus made a face that suggested he wasn’t quite sure where it had come from either. “I’m sure company is not an issue for you in this household, but don’t worry I’ll still watch The Avengers with you.”

“A real hero,” Leo drawled. “Hey.” He met Regulus’ eyes, his tone taking on a more serious note again. “You know you can tell Finn. And Logan, right? If that’s what you want. Whenever you’re ready. They’ll be cool.”

“Yeah,” Regulus breathed. “I don’t doubt it.”

“And if they’re not. I’ll personally kick them in the balls for you.”

***

Leo fussed with his bowtie in the mirror, tilting his head this way and that, trying to decide if it was straight.

“Stop. You look great. They’re going to die,” Regulus declared, making Leo jump slightly. He’d known the man was in the room, but his best friend had a habit of just appearing beside him unannounced.

Leo took another look in the mirror, running his fingers over the slightly raised texture of his initials monogrammed into the teal suspenders. “Yeah, I guess I’ll do,” he hummed, turning to face Regulus, scanning his eyes over him. Even Leo had been surprised by Regulus’ choice of attire, knowing now why he had kept the outfit such a secret. “Bold choice,” he remarked.

“Too much?”

“No,” Leo shook his head. Maybe it would have been on somebody else, but Regulus wore the mustard yellow three - piece effortlessly. He reached out to touch the blue sapphire that embellished the lapel, a gold chain linking it to the breast pocket. “Not at all. I’m just jealous.”

“Alright boys, are we ready?” Alex asked, clapping his hands together.

“Yeah.”

“As we’ll ever be.”

“Ready!” Kuny boomed, making a show of checking his pocket watch, the gold chain attaching it to his vest was somehow, even more ornate than Regulus’.

The four of them turned to glance at Remus, the only one in the room left to reply. Shrugging his jacket over his shoulders, Remus smiled. “I guess I can’t play with this tie any longer.”

“Alright then. I don’t know a lot about you guys, but I want to see my boyfriend,” Alex rocked on his feet, Leo chuckled, the man pretended he was so much more chill than his younger brother, but excitement seemed to bubble under his skin all the same. Leo didn’t blame Alex though, separating the partners into different rooms had seemed like a good idea earlier in the evening, but now he just wanted to see Finn and Logan, ideally before he exploded with anticipation. He couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for those of them that had to wait for their partners to arrive from the Potter’s house, where the ladies had opted to get ready.

“Yes. I want see Jackson,” Kuny nodded resolutely.

“Lord, help me,” Regulus whined. Leo just laughed, wrapping an arm around his friend’s shoulders.

***

“Cap! Stop undressing Loops with your eyes, he put a lot of effort into finding that suit.”

“Kuny. Put Nado down. There are people here.”

“Harzy. Are you crying?”

“You can close your mouth now, Leo.” Regulus tapped a finger lightly against Leo’s jaw. He would have tried to defend himself from the accusation, but he couldn’t deny the quiet clink of his teeth snapping back together.

“I’m just going to need a minute,” Leo mumbled, dragging his eyes over Finn and Logan’s bodies.

“Take your time,” Regulus chuckled. “Is-” Regulus leaned forward, squinting slightly. “Does Finn’s jacket match the invites.”

“I think they’re flowers.” Although, from afar, the swirls of blue and silver painted over the jacket did resemble the night sky artwork the two of them had settled on for the invites. Leo had insisted they needed them despite Regulus’ very valid point that saw all of the attendees at least once a week. “I’m going to go and check,” Leo waved a hand towards his boyfriends. He could see Logan’s lips moving, Finn’s grin widening with each word and Leo wanted in on that conversation.

“Sure,” Regulus hummed. “You go and do that.”

Leo stole a glance behind him as he crossed the short distance of their lounge, feeling a pang of guilt about leaving Regulus so easily on what was supposed to be his night. He needn't have worried though, he had barely taken a few paces before Regulus was swarmed by Thomas and James. Leo huffed a laugh at Regulus' disgruntled expression as they fawned at his suit.

***

“Leo. Regulus. Welcome! These must be your guests.” Estella, the only one of fifteen event planners that he and Regulus could agree on, smiled wide. “Is everybody here? I can always have somebody come and meet any stragglers?”

“No, this is all of us,” Leo confirmed. Corralling everybody into the two limos had been a task, but somehow they had all managed to make it to the museum without anybody being left behind.

“Alright then. Follow me. I think you’re going to love what we’ve settled on.” Estella turned on her heel, tight curls bouncing behind her as she led them up the grand staircase. Leo had been to The Natural History museum many times during the day, but the place had a strange sense of awe without the usual bustle of visitors, and he couldn’t wait to see what the events hall had been transformed into.

Estella pushed the ornate double doors open, blocking the entrance with her body. She must have noticed how Leo’s feet itched with anticipation because she gave a small smirk as she stepped aside. “Enjoy your evening, gentlemen. I’ll be around should you need anything."

Leo looked back at the group behind him; his team, his friends, his family, and felt the pool of anxiety that had been bubbling in his stomach all day, churn again. This evening had started off as being for Regulus, but it had quickly grown beyond that. While prom wasn’t inherently romantic, the traditions that came alongside it were embroiled with ideas that had marginalised so many of them, even if they hadn’t realised it at the time. A part of him hated that a high school event that was truly insignificant in the grand scheme of things could hold so much weight. He wanted to rebel, to not let it be important at all. Another just wanted to be able to give them all the night they had wished for back then.

“What’s the delay?” Natalie’s voice shook Leo from his head, and he glanced to his left at Regulus before moving into the room.

Estella and her team had really come through. They had weaved Leo and Regulus’ ideas on decoration into something spectacular. He had to force himself not to pause again, waiting until he was less of an obstruction to the rest of them, to stop and look up at the ceiling. There were hundreds, maybe thousands, of tiny lights strung to look exactly like the night sky. Right in the centre, Leo recognised the pattern to be that of his namesake, one light slightly brighter than all the rest.

“Hey,” Sirius clapped a hand on Regulus’s shoulder. “How come you get to be up there and I don’t.”

“Can’t stand not to be the centre of attention can you, big brother?” Regulus shot back and Sirius just shook his head with a laugh, hurrying after Remus.

***

“This one is for all you loved up folk out there,” the DJ’s voice rang through the room, the music slowly fading from a thuddy beat into the tender piano notes of the next song.

Leo winced as Marlene squealed, tugging Dorcas from her chair, the latter almost tripping over her train in the rush, although she regained her composure quickly. She moved just as swiftly in her heels as Marlene did in her black and white oxfords. He watched the two of them leave, Dorcas’ emerald green dress almost sparkling as it caught the light.

“Go on,” Regulus nudged Leo, tilting his head in the direction of where Finn and Logan had already procured a spot on the dance floor. “Go dance with your boys.”

Leo glanced at Regulus, before turning his gaze to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. He contorted his features into a series of faces that to anybody else probably seemed nonsensical, but they caught on perfectly, answering his silent question with simultaneous nods of their heads.

“Or,” Leo placed his hand, palm upright, on the table. “You could do me the honour?”

“I’m not,” Regulus wrinkled his nose. “You don’t need to -”

“Indulge me, Reggie.”

“Only if you stop calling me that,” Regulus sighed, grasping Leo’s hand. “I’m leading.”

Regulus, it turned out, could dance. Leo was passable. He let himself be led around the floor, laughing with his friend at all the couples that weren’t quite as accomplished, his boyfriend’s included.

The music flowed seamlessly from the deep tones of John Legend into the lighter ones of Taylor Swift.

“Yes! My girl, Tay Tay. Now we’re talking.”

Regulus rolled his eyes playfully, “Calm down, Le. I think your gay is showing.”

“Okay, Karen.”

“I am wounded,” Regulus clutched his hand to chest, placing it back on Leo’s hip without missing a beat. He looked up, smiling at Leo softly. “You should go and dance with them now. I think they could do with your help.”

“Non!” Logan argued, stumbling over Finn’s feet once again. “I know how to dance. It is Finn who is a liability,” he added, as they came to a halt beside Leo and Regulus.

***

Reg! Did you see Kam sent the link for the photos?

I did. You want to look at them together, non?

Oui, Oui! Come over now?

Leo waited to receive the confirmation text, before he hurried into the kitchen to compile a selection of snacks, as well as a jug of lemon water for Finn. On his final trip, he added the ever-present jug of sweet tea from the fridge to the tray, setting it all up on the table in front of the TV in the lounge.

“Baby Black is coming over then?” Logan teased, sprawling onto the sofa next to Leo.

“Sssh,” Leo whined, pressing a finger to Logan’s lips. “Otherwise no doughnuts for you.”

Logan gasped, launching himself at Leo, his hands finding the spot below Leo’s ribs where he was most ticklish. “How dare you threaten me with such things?”

“Stop it,” Leo spluttered between laughs, squirming away from the assault. Thankfully the doorbell rang just as Leo thought he was going to have to tap out, Logan letting him up to go and answer it.

It took a few minutes to get all four of them settled on the couch and the photos casting from his cell to the TV, but eventually they managed it.

Kam, and their assistant, had done a great job of capturing the entire night, from everybody getting ready to a very drunk James and Evgeni snoring softly against the giant moon structure. James was swamped by Evgeni’s checked suit jacket and James’ pinstripe one hung from Evgeni’s arm.

“Did you three plan this?” Regulus laughed as a photo of Sirius, Logan and Pascal appeared on the screen. The three of them had chosen to go with a classic tuxedo, albeit with slight variations.

“We did not. We just all have impeccable taste,” Logan retorted.

“Oh my God!” Finn sat forward, squinting at the screen. “They definitely planned that though.” He waved at the image of Alex and Kasey, their suits the same but in reverse; Alex’s jacket a navy blue with a checked grey vest and Kasey the opposite.

“Finn babe,” Leo frowned, sliding Finn’s glasses onto his face. “How did you go the entire night without noticing that. Aren’t you supposed to be the fashion connoisseur, here?”

“I was distracted!” Finn protested. “By…” he beamed as a photo of him, Leo and Logan replaced the previous image. “That.”

Regulus faked a gag, swiping at the phone to get a new photo. Any argument that was about to ensue was abruptly ended as they all burst into laughter. On the screen, a sheepish looking Pascal was being berated by Estella, her finger pointing to the sign to the left of the vine covered swing that Pascal was sitting on that read, ‘For decorative purposes only’.

They went through hundreds of photos. Some of them were sweet; Natalie with her arms wrapped around Regulus’s waist pressing a kiss to his cheek. Some of them were silly; everybody sat in rows on the dancefloor, their arms out to side. Some of them staged; Regulus and Leo sat on the big arm chairs beneath the origami stars. All of them captured tiny moments that none of them wanted to forget.

Leo tucked his head against Regulus' shoulder, trying to stifle his tears. He wasn't upset, not at all. It was just a lot. Seeing it all again. And then he remembered that all the decorations had been donated. Most of the woodland pieces, including the huge faux tree that had stood in the middle of one of the tables had gone to a local young theatre troupe that were struggling to finance their show, and the starry night pieces had gone to a group that were organising a Queer prom for the region's high schoolers that maybe didn't feel accepted at their own. For Leo, knowing that young kids like himself could take their prom photos with whomever they wanted, could truly decide whether they wanted to go with friends or their partners without fear, was the best part of all. Regulus wrapped his arm around Leo, pulling him closer.

"Thank you, I had the best prom ever."

[jetaime-jespere]

Prompt #74/188

#74: Well. Yell, scream, say something, anything / #188: Say it.

Rated M.

Atlantic City is a calamitous disaster. At least that’s how it starts.

Not because of their case - of course it’s awful, as most of them are. There’s nothing not awful about a duo of killers targeting vacationers during the height of the summer tourist season. Everyone is on edge, it’s hot and cramped, and there isn’t much time before they’ll almost certainly find two more dead bodies in the early morning hours outside one of the many casinos dotting the shoreline. But they’re used to that; it’s practically their daily vernacular at this point, a bit of normalcy in the current chaos between them. The case is the least of Aaron’s concerns, or Emily’s for that matter.

It’s everything but the case this time.

Things go downhill before they even cross the New Jersey state lane. A last minute hydraulic fuel leak on the jet renders air travel a non option. Instead, they get stuck in the same SUV with Reid for company in the backseat for the four hour drive. Aaron almost feels sorry for him, but he’s completely oblivious to the brewing storm inside the confines of the car for the entire first leg of the trip. Reid chatters endlessly, yet neither of them seem to hear a word he’s saying. By the time they hit the Atlantic City Expressway, Emily is all but ready to leap out the window. Hardly any words are exchanged between the two of them at all; they aren’t needed. It’s in her body language and his reticence, the firm clench of his hand on the steering wheel and her weary head resting on a fist, angled as far away from him as possible.

“This is a mess,” Aaron mutters with more than an hour left to go, and he isn’t talking about the thickening traffic. He’s talking about them, and the ending to what never really had as much as a beginning in the first place.

Things spun out of control towards the end. There was a breakup, if it could be considered as much. What they had was never labeled or defined, it just was. It was built on a mistake, nurtured through secrecy and quiet whispers in the dark. It then spiraled into something else entirely, creating an impasse between them during the day that bled into endless nights spent wrapped around one another in beds across the country for almost four full months.

“We can’t do this,” Emily finally said in a darkened hotel room in Seattle exactly 12 days prior to this one. He’d been expecting it, recognized the signs of her pulling away a little more with every kiss he left on her smooth skin, every shudder of her body beneath his and every breathy pant in his ear. There’s nothing tangible left of them, just broken fragments and heavy silence, and every reason why they shouldn’t have ever started this in the first place plays out right before their eyes. “There’s only one way for this to end, you know.”  

There was nothing he could say to talk her out of it as she threw the covers aside, reaching for her clothes on the floor. Aaron offered an “I’m sorry” for good measure yet it didn’t feel like enough, probably because it wasn’t at all. But it’s over, she reminded him as she closed the door firmly, without looking back.

Or so they think.

A mishap at the hotel in Atlantic City leaves the team two rooms short, meaning the team will have to double up for the next few days. JJ is seven months pregnant, which automatically gives her the comfort of her own space, and it goes without saying Dave will get his own too. Reid shuffles his feet and makes eye contact with Morgan, looking slightly relieved when he nods in agreement. That leaves Aaron to concede and Emily to shrug her shoulders indifferently, even if her face is anything but that. The caretaker of the slightly run down hotel  only slightly leers in Emily’s direction as he passes over the two room keys, and Aaron can’t help but step between her and the counter and swipe them both out of the man’s hand with a curt “thanks.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Emily says low enough for only Aaron to hear, snatching the key out of his hand and taking off in the direction of their room. “It’s just a damn key.”

“Did you see the way he stared at you?” Aaron questions with a hint of impatience in his tone as he goes to follow her, but she’s not listening.

“202 is the other way, you know.” The man chuckles with a jab of his finger, as if he’s seen this exact scenario play out many times before - two people disappearing behind a closed door, a disaster waiting to happen. “You two have yourselves a nice stay.” He doesn’t seem to care that just a few moments ago, Aaron’s FBI badge was in his face. He looks almost amused, which only adds to the visible tension between them both.

With an exasperated sigh, Emily turns on her heel and spins in the opposite direction toward their room. “I can’t believe this,” she mutters, staring at the tiny gold numbers on every door until she finds the one they need. Aaron doesn’t miss the way she squares her shoulders, the quick intake of breath as she twists the key in the knob.

The door squeaks on its hinges when she pushes it open; the room smells slightly of mold, but even that isn’t the worst part. The proverbial icing on the cake is when she stops dead in her tracks with him right behind her, shoulders sagging in defeat.

Fuck.

There’s only one bed. It sits in the middle of the damn room, practically mocking them both. Aaron doesn’t miss the subtle glance Emily throws in his direction, searching for his reaction just as he is studying hers. “I’ll take the couch,” he says immediately, keeping his face neutral, setting his bag down on the rickety piece of furniture that has clearly seen better days. “You can take the bed.”

“That hardly qualifies as a couch,” Emily tells him sharply. “That’s a chair, Aaron.”  

She’s right, he thinks in annoyance. It wouldn’t even fit half of him, and staring at it makes his back hurt in anticipation. But sleeping next to her for however many nights they’re here isn’t exactly an option, either.  “I don’t want to make you -”

“Let’s just agree,” Emily says through firmly clenched teeth, making it a done deal. “To be adults about this. We can share a room for a few days without it being an issue. That includes the bed.”

…

They should have known better, but it’s too late for that.

As expected, the rest of the day is exhausting. It only ends because of the promise to look at things with fresh eyes in the morning at the urging of the equally weary Atlantic City police. By the time they make it back to the shabby room, they’re both tired, hot, and cranky, hardly uttering a word after bidding goodnight to everyone else.

“You shower first,” Aaron says as he holds the door open for her, giving her enough space to pass him. “I have to check in on Jack.” He knows her routine once they get back from a case - a shower is always a necessity, and in the better days, they’d always taken turns on first dibs. Or just showered together, which was always his preference.

If she thanks him he doesn’t hear it, and the bathroom door closes behind her, the lock added for good measure. But twenty minutes later - how long does she need in there - he has to avert his eyes when Emily steps out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam, the scent of shampoo lingering in her wake. She’s wrapped in one of the hotel issued towels, which is a generous description for the scrap of fabric that barely covers her, awkwardly crossing the room to dig through her suitcase.

Look away, Aaron wills himself, struggling to get comfortable on the tiny couch. It’s a lost cause, and will undoubtedly be a very long night.

There’s a mishap with the towel, a soft curse under her breath as she scrambles before it hits the floor, and an inopportune moment when their eyes meet, succumbing to what they silently agreed would never happen again. It’s how Emily finds herself pinned under his weight, her back pressed against the mattress as Aaron lowers to his knees and dips his head between her legs. Any protest that falls from her lips is short lived, her hands in his hair, her legs curling over his shoulders as he slowly begins to take her apart. Emily arches into him, unable to stifle the moans that are now a constant stream of affirmation, and Aaron doesn’t bother with reminding her the walls are thin. He doesn’t care, and something tells him in the moment he coaxes her climax out of her, neither does she.

“I missed you,” he says when he slides into her to completion a few moments later, giving her a moment to adjust to him before starting to move. He kisses the space between her breasts and Emily all but ignores him, pushing him over onto his back to straddle his hips with a smirk.

The pace she sets is quick, the rhythm fast and rough, and it’s over almost embarrassingly fast. He’s gotten her down against his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around her as she whimpers into his mouth. Her body is shaking in the aftermath as he thrusts hard once more, holding her against him. For a few quiet moments, the only sound is that of their breathing, a heaviness falling over them both at the realization of what’s just happened. And yet, she stays on his chest, her limbs not quite ready to work, in the comfort of his embrace for a few moments longer.

Afterward, Emily puts as much space as she can between them, which isn’t much given the size of the bed. “If this was your way of not sleeping on the couch,” she says sleepily, her voice muffled by the pillow, “I guess you won.”

...

The next morning, as the sun rises over the shore, Aaron finds her on the balcony, wearing nothing but his undershirt that was abandoned on the floor, the sound of the ocean in the distance. He mumbles something about getting coffee, the first thing that comes to his mind. He knows she (and he) could use some, judging by the minimal amount of sleep they got. Emily doesn’t say a word, just pushes him against the sliding door and drops to her knees. His head falls back against the glass, his hand tightening in her hair as she brings him into her mouth, letting him hit the back of her throat. In between his eyes closing, his hips stuttering against her face, Aaron watches the brilliant mix of orange, yellow, and red fade into daylight, and wonders just how things got to be such a fucking mess in the first place.

They’re two for zero now, and as the day dawns hot and there’s another set of bodies found, it’s abundantly clear no one is leaving Atlantic City anytime soon. And much later that night, they hardly make it to that damn bed before the score becomes three.

…

Aaron wakes up a few hours later from a restless, uncomfortable sleep. The room is stuffy, the pillow underneath his head is flat, the hum of the air conditioner a constant nag even if it does little to cool the room down. Before he opens his eyes, he knows she’s gone. The space beside him is cold - Emily is nowhere to be found, and there’s thunder rumbling ominously in the distance. He dresses in the dark, grabbing his keys, doesn’t bother with an umbrella, and makes the short trek to the boardwalk.

It’s where he would go, and it’s where he finds her, sitting on a bench, her arms folded across her chest, long legs crossed at the knees. She’s ripping at her fingernails, a sure sign something is wrong, and wearing a blank expression that doesn’t change when she slowly turns her head to see him coming right towards her. “I had a feeling you would find me.”

Aaron shrugs, but doesn’t miss the way she flinches when he sits beside her. “Not many places to look. It’s 1 AM, you know.”  

She sniffs with disinterest, continuing to pick at her fingernails.“Why do we keep screwing up?” Emily says after a long pause, and what he sees is like a swift kick to the chest. She looks disappointed with herself, disgusted even. All because of him. “Why can’t I just … quit you?”

“Why do you keep coming back?” He challenges her right back. “If all you’re going to do is walk away again?”

Emily turns her head to stare at him with widened eyes. “We both know the answer to that, Aaron. We both know this was never going to work.”

“No, you decided that. All on your own.” He remembers the night in Seattle as if it were yesterday - the night she left. The sting of her words is still fresh in his mind. “But maybe you’ve already compartmentalized it,” he adds with a bite in his voice that wasn’t there before.

Emily recoils at his words, recrossing her arms over her chest. She rises to her feet, pacing  around the bench.  “What do you want from me, Aaron? What were you expecting when we drunkenly decided to sleep together once? It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“You. I want you. And not just this fuck then forget bullshit,” he says over the growing wind and thunder, the skies threatening to open. In the distance, the ocean churns, the tides crashing against the shore as his anger builds. “I want to be with you,” Aaron adds with a waver in his voice. “Regardless of how this started.”

Emily blinks with confusion and bites her lip, as if holding back tears. She shivers, rubbing her arms, her lip starting to tremble. They can’t. Her silence is an answer in and of itself, one he refused to accept.

“Well?” He demands, the anger rising in his voice, and Emily curses his resolve.

“Well what?”

“Well. Yell, scream, say something, anything,” he snaps, searching her face for a sign of anything besides the emptiness painted across her features. “Don’t just say nothing.”

But Emily indeed says nothing, just regards him with wide, darkened eyes that tell him what he needs to know. In the dark, with only the lights of the boardwalk to cast eerie shadows on her face, she looks almost ethereal, a haunting comparison to the fear he sees. That’s what it is, he thinks. Fear. Fear of what could be, fear of what might never be.

“Say it,” he pleads. “Please, Emily.” The rain starts to fall, coming down relentlessly and soaking them both to the skin almost instantly. “

“Aaron,” she whispers, barely audible over the thunder and now the rain. “It would never work.” She holds up her hands in defeat. “We can’t.”

“What are you so afraid of?” He grabs her by the shoulders, just tightly enough that she can’t duck out of his grasp. Emily squirms uncomfortably but he holds her fast, unwilling to let her go, for if he does, she may never come back. “Why are you so damn afraid of this actually working? Do you have any damn faith?”

She opens her mouth but snaps it shut, her chin trembling with effort. He expects her to slap him, to jerk away and disappear into the night. He’s waiting for her to leave like she did three weeks ago. But she doesn’t. What she does instead surprises the hell out of him. Emily kisses him, slanting her mouth against his in the pouring rain, pressing her rain-soaked body right into his. It takes a full ten seconds before he kisses her back.

It’s a compromise, an agreement to not make a decision one way or the other, at least for the time being. Even so, Aaron envelopes her in his arms, a hand cupped around the back of her head and the other anchored across her shoulders. He kisses her back with an urgency he can only attribute to the fact that he’s in love with her, something he’s known for way too long.

He doesn’t have to tell her that, because somewhere amongst all the doubt, she already knows.

An hour later, after a hot shower (taken together) the score becomes four. And a few hours after that, as the sun rises yet again, nearly blinding them in a cramped Atlantic City hotel room, Emily tentatively agrees to try.

It’s good enough for him.

[alterhuman-palace]

I’m not sure if this is discourse but this isn’t particularly positive, so just a heads up for anyone reading that kins Nagito Komaeda from SDR2.

Disclaimer out of the way (course I don’t want to upset anyone) I kin Hajime Hinata from Danganronpa, among others. I’m aware it has it’s problematic elements and I’m considerate of that with others, I never bring it up; but this is a slight vent or rant of some sort.

I am cautious/nervous of Komaeda kins.

They make me so nervous, and put so much pressure on me. It’s only been a couple experiences but they’ve all been bad, and I’m a little skittish of conflict in general so I am being cautious of any in spaces I’m in. Of course I like interacting with others of my source, it’s nice to have someone with the same interests as you, and I do well in group settings as I’d call myself decently charismatic.

But recently I’ve just been really anxious about someone who kins/is Komaeda joining. I don’t want to police a space where they’d be happy joining, That’s selfish of course, but I’m not really sure what I’d do to … avoid them? And most I’ve met have been looking for Hajime kins to interact with too and it’s this mix of wanting them to be happy and being scared of them/how they’ll act in general. They’re really unpredictable and they’ll make the people around them uncomfortable with their self deprecation and I have my own problems too but it just seems like most of them have no filter. It’s just so selfish of them and I get agitated a bit. I feel like I have to keep the group around me safe and stable from someone like that..

Advice isn’t required or anything, I just wanted to rant. Kinning is just ahh a hobby of mine I suppose and I don’t really have anyone else to tell this sort of thing to. Thanks for what you guys do as it helps me and others rant.

Ah,,, okay, several things.

First of all, being otherkin isnt something you can do as a hobby. There is no 'kinning' as an action you decide to take, being fictionkin is just something you are. Some people do become kin over time and can be influenced by their choices but a lot of aspects of it are uncontrollable, and even in rare cases i have heard it is possible where someone decides on a kintype it is still something they identify as and is part of who they are fundamentally and not just a hobby. That said its ok to have fun with your kintype.

Its also okay to do what people call 'kinning', its mainly stealing and watering down otherkin language that is the issue. One suggestion i have seen within that community is to call it Cir (character i relate to), and use the word cirrie to call onesself. I dont know if its caught on though. You can also just have fun identity experimenting and calling yourelf a character name without giving it a label, as that is a normal part of engaging in fandom. For example i went by and dressed like nepeta from homestuck in middle school, but she was never an actual kintype, just a character i relate to. She was still important to my identity, but i didnt beleive i was literally her.

As for your actual question, i dont think its fair to pre judge someone on their kintype, though it is understandable if it makes you uncomfortable. If someone is acting badly, i would address the bad behaviour the same way you would in a non otherkin circle. Kintype isnt an excuse to act badly. If they havent acted badly, but make you uncomfortable, i would just avoid engaging with them. If they try, you can give a polite but firm refusal.

- Mod Flowey

[sideblog-666-thousand]

Euronymous Interview in Decibel of Death, ‘87. English Translation. Ft. Euronymous’ depraved torture fantasies involving Coca-Cola.

‘Decibel of Death’ was a French fanzine from the 80s. It’s first issue was released in ‘86, and by the summer of ‘87, it switched over from French to English-language. This has been my favourite interview of Euronymous for a long time now, so I decided I’d translate it to English so that other, non-francophone, people could enjoy it too. This issue in particular is from February of ‘87, and was their fourth issue overall.

I’ll add a link to where you can find this, and other D.O.D scans, below. If anybody wants me to translate more French, or Russian, interviews, feel free to PM me.

Note: NDLR is the editor’s notes. Any commentary or context by me will be in bold and in parenthesis, so feel free to totally ignore it. If something is between “« »” it’s because it was already written in English to begin with.

Disclaimer: if some of the sentences sound like the energizer bunny is hooked on an iv rig full of pure meth, don’t blame me, I did my best. Take it up with Euronymous himself. Also, I’m not excusing Euronymous’ poor behaviour, I’m just saying his poor behaviour is kind of entertaining.

Without further ado...

D.O.D: And once again, here’s Norwegian Mayhem. If you remember, we presented them to you back in the May issue of D.O.D. Since then, they released a new demo titled “Death Crush”!! Because of this event, we decided to ask the guitarist of this rather sinister band a few questions.

D.O.D: Okay, there’s been more than a few line-up changes in Mayhem. Can you tell us what the current one is?

Euro: Alright, there’s me on guitars, Manheim on battery, Necro-butcher on drums, and our session vocalist, Maniac.

D.O.D:  And what is the medium age of the group?

Euro: We are all 18 years old.

D.O.D: How long has Mayhem been around for?

Euro: Mayhem has been around since August of ‘84 with this line-up, before that, I played in another shitty metal group that was also called Mayhem. The other members also played in a crappy band before we all met.

D.O.D: How would you describe your music?

Euro: Ah, well, it’s like a wall of sound played at extreme speed all mixed with the sound of a chainsaw!!

D.O.D: In your opinion, who are the biggest posers on this planet?

Euro: That definitely has to be the Swedish group ‘Europe’. «Fuck them!!» I hate this band!!

D.O.D: Ha ha, what would you like to do to make them suffer?

(This is the exact moment where the interviewers realize that Euronymous is literally fucking insane. The editor censors some of the things Euronymous says because he has a very vulgar manner of speaking, so, brace yourselves. To make it abundantly clear— I didn’t censor any of this, if it was me, I’d let him continue swearing ‘til next year if he wanted to. Take it up with D.O.D!)

Euro: First of all, I’d cut them and make them eat their own (bleep)!! Then, I’ll fuck them in the ass with an empty bottle of Coke, and if they’re still alive somehow, I’ll drown them in their own piss!! (NDLR: I’d do the same to a few guys in Germany and Switzerland!!) But all of this is reserved for their guitarist, drummer and bassist, I have a far crueler torture for their singer, for him, I’m simply going to break his mirror and steal his perfume!! Haaaaafuckinghah!!! (NDLR: ahahahaha, this is so much fun!!)

D.O.D: Okay, Euronymous, onto more serious topics, who composes the most in Mayhem?

Euro: It’s me and Necro, but sometimes Manheim comes up with good riffs, he actually wrote most of P.F.A (Pure Fucking Armageddon)

D.O.D: I believe thrashers reacted pretty well to your first demo, right?

Euro: Despite the zero sound of this demo. It's true that it's actually the hardcore thrashers that appreciated it, although it was the others hating it that gave us an enormous promotion like with 'Metal Forces'.

D.O.D: Has there been groups that have influenced you?

Euro: Of course, early Venom has really inspired us, although we don’t sound like them in any way. We’re also influenced by bands like Hellhammer and Sodom.

D.O.D: Mayhem is a common band name, what do you think of other Mayhem (such as NYC Mayhem, Mayhem (WC), Mayhem (Oregon))?

Euro: NYC Mayhem* are excellent, I adore them! (NDLR: me too!!) and they call themselves NYC Mayhem. But as for the other Mayhems, they stink, «fuckin’ shit»,  like the Mayhem that’s on Metal Massacre VI*, they really stink, their music isn’t destructive like ours is at all, they don’t deserve this name, I hate them!!

D.O.D: I heard you guys played a show, how did that go?

Euro: It was really «cool», it was at a small rock festival that had around 3-400 «discofucks» (NDLR: this is the censored translation) and when we went on stage with our first session vocalist “Messiah”, we broke a bass over their mouths!! We gave these idiots hell!! Ha ha!! (I’ll link the show he’s referring to below)

D.O.D: And how did your other gigs go?

Euro: For now this has been our only show!! And we don’t know how the crowds will react at the prospect of future gigs.

D.O.D: Fair. Since we’re talking about future gigs, what will those be like?

Euro: They’ll be full of occult things, we’ll play in complete darkness and there’ll be red blood spots, chandeliers, smoke, and pig heads on stakes, it’ll be totally thrashing!!

D.O.D: How’s the Norwegian thrash scene? It’s pretty dull, no?

Euro: Right now, «it sucks», there’s no audience, but it seems to be going in the right direction with bands like Vomit*, Septic Cunts, Decay Lust, and Flowers in The Dustbin.

D.O.D: And what kind of things are your lyrics about?

Euro: depravity, like tearing someone’s (bleep), eating worms, and all those fine things!!

D.O.D: What are your favourite bands?

Euro: Really hard question, there’s so many good bands coming out but I think the bands I like the most are old Venom, Deathchamber, Sodom, Necrophagia, Destruction, Death, Kreator, Poison. (No, not THAT Poison)

D.O.D: Do you ever listen to hardcore?

Euro: «Yeah» I like Chaotic Discord, Septic Death, UK Subs, and others. It hasn’t been that long since I went to see Disorder and it was awesome!!

D.O.D: Are you considering going on tour?

Euro: No, not exactly. But soon we’ll play at a Norwegian thrash festival. We’ll also play at a thrash festival in Copenhagen, and probably do a few shows with Kreator/Necrophagia in ‘87.

(No, this isn’t a typo on my end, it actually says ‘87. There’s two reasons why this might be the case. One, it could be an error on the part of the editor, who deserves an interview of his own, or two, it could be an error by Euronymous himself since the interview might have been conducted in January. Euronymous could have mixed the years up as one sometimes does. However, ‘Death Crush’, the demo, actually came out in March of ‘87. What the interviewer and Euronymous are referring to as ‘Death Crush’ is likely ‘Death Rehearsal’, which is exactly what it sounds like, and was taped back January of ‘87.)

D.O.D: I heard you guys are recording a new demo, is it ready?

Euro: We just entered the studio to record the second “Death Crush” demo, but at the moment, we only have three songs. I’m also unsure of whether or not we’ll have enough money to record anything else, and the vocals still haven’t been put to music!!

D.O.D: There’s some rumours that you guys were contacted by certain record labels, is this true?

Euro: It’s true, we got a letter from Axe killer records saying that they were interested in us but they never listened to our music and I also sent them our demo tape but I don’t believe we’ll be receiving any letters from them now!!

D.O.D: Do you have anything to add?

Euro: Of course, «fucking ARGHHHH!!»

There, that’s all :)

If you’re interested in some of the asterisks I put in, here they are in order of their appearances:

*Unlike most of the bands Euronymous named in this interview, NYC Mayhem (and later as Straight Ahead) never released more than a few demo. They were a straight edge band from, you guessed it, NYC— Queens to be exact. Despite never releasing a full album, their sound inspired some grindcore and death metal bands, notably Carcass. They were also straight edge, which makes Euronymous’ mental breakdown over the Mayhem that was on Metal Massacre very, very ironic. Especially considering he was pretty straight edge himself, especially back in 1987– outside of maybe smoking some pot.

Here is their 1985 demo, https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3geR1JbY4

*Metal Massacre is a series of compilation albums starting in 1982, released by Metal Blade records. Typically, these were independent and unsigned bands. Some notable ones include Metallica on the first edition with ‘Hit the lights’. Slayer in ‘83 with ‘Aggressive Perfector’. The ‘84 edition had Voivod, Overkill, and Hellhammer.

The one which Euronymous is referring to, however, is the one from ‘85. Here it is, the timestamp is 14:19 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HqwfsLvLvuY

It’s really not that bad— certainly not worth the double exclamation points.

*If you don’t know who Vomit are, you must not know much about early Mayhem. They were another thrash band who shared rehearsal space with Mayhem. Torben Grue and Kittil Kittilsen (what a sad fucking name) were also ‘in’ Mayhem at some point. Kittil once shaved off his eyebrow, but I don’t know why. Here is a picture of the dork:

The show Euronymous is talking about: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mjay2Lmj9C8 yes, this is the show where Euronymous flashes his ass. I think it’s funny because he talks big but he seemed very hesitant to do it, and practically ducked backstage afterwards. Necro, on the other hand, was very proud to have broken his bass.

Well, that’s all I have. If you read this far, I hope you enjoyed the additional notes I left. Outside of a few more interviews of Mayhem, I also have a few obscure Emperor interviews that were posted to the internet in late 90s. There’s an especially funny one where Faust is allowed to interview Ihsahn and Samoth from prison. He’s sarcastic the entire time, refers to the readers as ‘morons’ and proclaims everyone should all die in a nuclear war with the same energy you cross yourself with. Overall, it’s a funny read. I also have one where he interviews Varg, and Euronymous (separately) for his own ‘zine back in the early 90s. Actually— I have A LOT of interviews of Faust for some reason, including two where he’s actually on camera. I might post them if I feel like it, or if somebody wants them. Is anyone here an especially big fan of Faust?

Last but not least, here is the link to the ‘zine:

http://france.metal.museum.free.fr/revues/fanzines/decibel_of_death/04/page_03.htm