#please don't be afraid to tell me to put a warning for anything i included

[cupids-cringe]

a post dump of some sad/upsetting headcanons tonight because i don't know how to actually make a post for them in a way that isn't just dumping them here like this & some of them are a bit old-

been a long time headcanon of mine that y2kvr Benrey has claustrophobia and a fear of the dark, his worst fear is waking up back in the computer. sometimes he'll have weeks at a time where he can't even go near the computer let alone go into it. the worst feeling is when a day is going so great and its all fun and well a little too well the fear he'll suddenly see a pop-up appear in front of him and realise hes still trapped somewhere in the web.

have you ever seen an ai have a nightmare??

occasionally Doc (& this also goes for Dr Hypnos) feels like she isn't where she is, she'll feel like shes at a different point in time in different circumstances and situations, often it isn't too bad- it messes with her head a bit and makes him feel like hes a few weeks or months or even years behind but with his mix of bad time management and living in a secret lab where he usually doesn't see the sun it doesn't much matter to them,, but the worst time he had to deal with it was the entire time while his family was dead. while he was alone he would often find himself losing track of time to a point days would pass and he wouldn't know, she would think she was elsewhere and occasionally think "right i have to go get parts for Harold today i was told to-" or "OH [ ] would LOVE this!" before realising where he is and that he hasn't had to get parts in months and he hasn't seen his family in longer. sometimes he'll forget

Sleepless sometimes gets scared the Mad Science Team only keeps zem around since Doc likes them, in times like this they'll avoid talking directly to Harold or Bubby in case ze says the wrong thing.

Malcom has had times of feeling that he can never fully recover from his actions- he was an asshole once, what if he still is deep down and he doesn't know? what if everyone still sees him as an asshole and he can never fully be more than what he had been?

i doubt i have enough fingers to count how many of them suffer the feeling of "i can never reedem myself from [insert crime/event here]" and i have 3 arms(/j)

Swap is scared of sirens and alarms and garage doors

Freemans memory still isn't perfect, it will never be as good as it had been- his memory was always been not the greatest (partly because he has adhd/tism) but after the events with Tron Gman his memory will forever be a bit patchy. and his time as Storyteller DID NOT do the poor guy any favors.

all of the Admins have gone to check that Freeman is still there in the middle of the night at least once, its happened most with either Boss or C where they've either been laying awake all night or woken up and gone to check that Freeman is still safely asleep, theres still the occasional WORST night where even AFTER knowing Freeman is safe would continue to wander around for a bit and make sure there was absolutely no way that anyone could get in and take him.

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Cod Characters General Dating Headcanons (part one)

+ Random and Some bits of Chubby Fem S/O Headcanons with mentions of different nationality S/O

+ What type of BF/GF they would be

Including John Price, Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Fem terms and pronouns like she/her are used for the reader

ꕥ HOPE YOU ENJOY! ꕥ

My rules for requests and characters I can write for

Please comment if you want to be added to the taglist, the next part or cod content alone.

Taglist: @marshmallowinamess

A/n: Hi lovelies! Lia here, I'm back after a nerve-wracking week of school. This is a bit short but I hope you enjoy it otherwise. God I fucking hate school. I wrote all of this in a cold room, a heat pad on me (because period cramps) and at 3am so any mistakes will be edited out as soon as I'm aware of it.

This is divided into a multiple part thing (I think 2-3?) because God knows I can't fit them all in one post because of the limited amount of gifs and photos. I'll add more to these in the future, some are longer than others because I can't think. Also because I can't write them all at once, that's a lot to write okay 😭

Disclaimers/warnings: Typical Cod things, OOC characters???, Unrealistic, Some suggestive themes and language, I'm so sorry but English is not my first language so please don't come after me. Most of the content I've seen are on TikTok and Tumblr I don't actually play the game but I love the characters so much, same with any other content I have for other video games.

Tiny sidenote: the reader in this has been describe to be shorter than the characters and has been mentioned to have a soft body rather than the muscular type.

John Price

ꕥ (OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIS SMILEEE) (He's such a quokka)

ꕥ Price who literally is such a father figure, doesn't matter whether the relationship between you two is romantic or platonic. He often takes the dominant caring role.

ꕥ Doesn't smoke around you, doesn't matter if you insist he doesn't. He still won't and definitely will criticize you if you try or do smoke because he doesn't want you do end up like him.

ꕥ If there's a bit of an age gap between you, I'd say he's hesitant. Definitely afraid of what the rest of the task force thinks (He can't help it, they're basically his boys)

ꕥ John Price who wants to settle down with you, maybe have kids if you want but just a white picket fence life with you without the chaos that is war and his job.

ꕥ He only ever let's you have his hat, only when he gives it to you though. Most of the time it would be while you're out, he'd put it on your head from his. (Cowboy hat rule? I heard that in more respectful terms rather than sexual, it respectfully means that you are theirs)

ꕥ John Price who rests his chin at the top of your head no matter how much he needs to crouch down whenever hugging you from behind. Love doing it whenever you're busy doing something too. (Props for the effort because you cannot tell me he doesn't have back, neck and knee pains)

ꕥ Is constantly worried if you share the same line of work, like at first it was nothing but a tiny crush and slowly he finds himself caring about your well-being more and more over time.

ꕥ Can't help but think he's an acts of service type of guy, reaching up for things you need or better yet lifting you up so you can reach them and loves opening things for you like bottles or anything canned. (Girlies who get their nails done or wear press ons know this struggle ( I'm a press on girly)

ꕥ The kind of man who would turn on some oldies music and slow dance with you in the living room, your footsteps and breathing being the only other sounds as you smile at each other, foreheads against the other's.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

ꕥ Ghost who is such Doberman/Black cat boyfriend. Like have you seen this man? He's so tall and intimidating, one distasteful look from him and if it was physically possible that person would drop dead.

ꕥ Ghost whose a chubby chaser through and through, he just looks for something different from what he's used to.

ꕥ Is definitely a tits kinda guy, doesn't matter how big or how small they are. He'll definitely play with them in some way during doing the you know what.

ꕥ Feels like you can take him and his size better because of your plush body. Has a size kink and likes seeing it bulge a bit when he's inside you.

ꕥ You're just so soft and warm, he wants something away from what he usually feels doing his job. Not really that touchy but he gets quite clingy within closed doors.

ꕥ Likes to squeeze your thighs, his grip on them would not falter. Doesn't matter whether it's in a sexual or domestic way.

ꕥ Thinks you deserve better than what he can offer and needs constant reassurance, never says it out loud but you pick up on what he feels. (please be patient with him)

ꕥ More often than not, he thinks you're quite fragile. Even if you can protect yourself, one of his ways of showing you he loves you is through protecting you. Hence the Doberman boyfriend scenario.

ꕥ Doesn't like PDA but knows when it's necessary, him placing his arm around your shoulder is enough to keep perverts in their places. If that rando is really that bold then they'll most likely end up with a few broken bones depending on how pissed Simon is.

ꕥ If you work alongside him, he'd constantly worry about your well-being but at the same time is conflicted because he's confident that he can protect you.

ꕥ Only you and the TF141 can call him Simon, he still feels uneasy when he gets called that but when it's you saying it, it doesn't sound as daunting to him. Still dislikes in in certain tones of voice because his name reminds him of his past.

ꕥ You've seen his face, it took a long time but after that he trusted you enough to show him. The fact that you didn't find his face revolting and even kissed his scars while cupping his face was enough for him to want to marry you.

ꕥ Isn't fully insecure about his face but has his moments. (You know like the voice line where soap asks him to take off his mask and asked him if he was ugly and Ghost said "Negative")

ꕥ Takes a little while to get him to open up and little things like letting you hold him takes him a bit of time to get used to because it makes him feel vulnerable.

ꕥ God forbid something were to happen to you and he couldn't do anything to stop it, Simon would lose his fucking mind.

John "Soap" MacTavish

ꕥ Soap is a Golden Retriever boyfriend through and through. He's energetic, loyal and really affectionate.

ꕥ He's a lighthearted flirt at first because he doesn't wanna scare you off but damn does he gradually get bolder over time.

ꕥ Very hands on, touchy, and could be clingy at times unless you don't consent him, secretly always finding new ways to touch you.

ꕥ A sucker for cheek kisses, lips are his favorite but he can't help but break out a wide grin whenever you kiss his cheek. Can't help but feel kinda manly whenever you do.

ꕥ Adores making you laugh, no matter how stupid your sense of humor is he will absolutely say that joke if it gets a laugh out of you. Would be concerned if you had a dark sense of humor but will eventually get used to it. To describe it, hearing you laugh makes his heart feel full like in a content domestic way.

ꕥ Also, see the gif? You cannot tell me that he doesn't look at you that way because he absolutely would.

ꕥ Loves your weight against his body to the pint he's begging you to lay on him. You, him in the bed while he's shirtless with grey sweatpants on and you in your night clothes sharing each other's warmth with your head on his broad chest.

ꕥ Shows you silly and cute pet videos, especially the cat ones:

"[Name], look at this one!"

"Soap, we're not adopting a pet. Not right now at least"

ꕥ He was upset and gave you puppy eyes the whole time because the only time he had pet was when he was child, it was a hamster which was killed because it got sucked into the vacuum by his older sister.

ꕥ You're the only one allowed to tough his hair, he's very proud of his mohawk and will let you style it. Won't wear it out if you did something silly to it though.

ꕥ Soap who loves showing you off to everyone, loves light PDA but doesn't wanna potential put a target on your back.

ꕥ He definitely is the guy you want to take home to your family and friends (or found family <3), he's funny and easy to get along with. Very flirty with you but he'll straighten out because he's terrified on making a bad impression.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

ꕥ (HE'S SO FREAKING UNDERRATED WITHIN THIS FANDOM)

ꕥ He gives Labrador boyfriend vibes, you can't help but want to take care of him.

ꕥ Gaz who literally had to do a double take when he first saw you, he turned to Soap with that "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" look in a good way.

ꕥ Gaz who literally had to ask you out multiple times before you said yes thinking he's only doing it for a bet or a cruel joke.

ꕥ Constant reassurance from him because he doesn't want you to feel insecure about your looks because to him you are literally an angel.

ꕥ Loves to chill with you, cuddling and just relaxing. Maybe scrolling on TikTok occasionally and show you the funny ones he chuckled at.

ꕥ He has a sixth sense whenever you crave something, say you want chocolate or drink of some sort then he'd definitely being home whatever it is you we're craving without having to ask you.

ꕥ Kyle who has your Starbucks order memorized because he likes being the one to order things for you. Will playfully argue with you on who'll pay this time. (Don't even try anymore, he always wins anyway)

ꕥ Puts his hat on your head mostly when you're out, has done it the first time because it was hot out and the sun was in your eyes. He's picked it up from Price and once you smiled at him through the shade of his cap, he has not stopped doing it.

ꕥ Definitely a words of affirmation and acts of service kind of guy when it comes to love languages. Sometimes whenever he'd give you two thumbs up and a cheeky smile, you can't help but laugh a little.

ꕥ He's very thoughtful, so much so that he prides himself in knowing you better than anyone. Everytime you two go out to eat, when he gets something and know that you'll want to taste it (he knows damn well whether you'll like it or not when he tastes it) he'll bring it upon himself to order you one before you even say you want some.

ꕥ Soft snores when he sleeps, it's cute but you know damn well he's tired. Also I think he's very cuddly, like he just likes reminding himself that he's not alone and that his bed is warm because you're in it. Therefore at minimum always has an arm around you in bed.

ꕥ Dances in the rain with you and loves it when you pull him gently on his arm while your hands are intertwined. Takes note of how the the raindrops sometimes fall on your lashes while you look up at him smiling.

ꕥ Kyle Garrick who wants nothing more in the world to see you happy and smiling. His "this is the woman I'm going to marry" moment was when you baked his favorite cake for his birthday despite it being so hard, you nailed it perfectly. (Whether it's out of luck or skill is up to you)

Alejandro Vargas

ꕥ (idk how to write for this angry Mexican man but I'll try my best, love him and his megamind hairline though <3)

ꕥ Alejandro is definitely a flirt, a very bold on at that. He's quite forward when it comes to liking someone so yeah.

ꕥ He lives for it when you boss him around. That being said, he isn't picky about body type or any of the sort.

ꕥ Will teach you Spanish if you don't know any, definitely prioritizes the curse words and laughs whenever you jokingly call him pendejo.

ꕥ Wouldn't mind you teaching him your own culture and mother tongue. Bonus points if it's similar to his.

ꕥ Has Spanish nicknames for you because I imagine his own culture is important to him.

ꕥ Would hate it if you had the same line of work but will never take it out on you, it's just that it's so dangerous given the people he's involved with. (It's definitely Valeria)

ꕥ Speaking of El Sinombre, I don't think they had anything romantic going on. It's mainly platonic and the "betrayal" sucked on Alejandro's side. They definitely had some rivalry and the tension was through the roof. (Mainly because I headcanon Valeria as Lesbian)

ꕥ Can be so romantic when he tries, you can't tell me this mf ain't a smooth talker because he definitely is. Can be very blunt like in a forward way with his affection too.

ꕥ Likes kissing your wrist and feeling your pulse against his lips because it reminds him you're alive. (The amount of angst this scenario carries would be something I'm up for to write)

ꕥ Is sent on a fit of rage when something happens to you, say you got kidnapped then this man would tears off the walls of every building if he had to.

Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra

ꕥ (ANOTHER UNDERATED CHARACTER)

ꕥ Another Golden Retriever boyfriend. This man is just loving and dotting, very husband material.

ꕥ Loves chubby women, has a soft spot for them and just likes holding them.

ꕥ He's definitely used to the insecurity that comes with the body, also doesn't get why such beauty standards are even in place. Has and would fuck the insecure out of you again if he had to. (It's in a very gentle and loving manner)

ꕥ If you hold him in your arms, he'd be absolutely living for it. He already has had a long day and being honest he hasn't had many lovers that went far so having you care in this way about him would have him wrapped around your finger.

ꕥ Worships the ground you walk on. That's it.

ꕥ Would take everything to heart whenever you teach him or mention something within your culture if you aren't of Spanish origins like he is. He just loves you so much that it makes him happy knowing more about you.

ꕥ Would adore slow dancing with you, brings him back to reality where he realizes that he has you and that you're there.

ꕥ Terrified that one day you'll end up leaving him so reassurance would be much appreciated by him.

ꕥ Definitely a sucker for receiving forehead kisses, as for giving he likes to kiss the back of your hand.

ꕥ If ever danger presents itself to you too closely, he would have a heart attack like full on crying but not in public though.

[ashtheketchum]

Bowers Gang Kissing Y/N

A/N: It's the first time I've written for all four of them and not just Patrick or Henry alone. If I make anything sound strange about Victor or Belch, please forgive me. Warnings: Reader is gender neutral!, mention of smut, public, make out, Patrick being Patrick Summary: How would the members of the Bowers Gang kiss you? Both in public and when you are among yourself? ___________________________________________ Henry:

For him, it often depends on where you kiss. When it's in public, he likes to kiss you passionately, in front of others, to show them that you're his. Sometimes he'll reach under your clothes or rub his knee between your legs. If you want to defend yourself, I'm afraid I have to tell you that he won't care. Most of the time he even goes wilder. But when you're alone, he peppers your face with gentle kisses. In your room, your entire body too. You should then lie completely naked in bed and he kisses every inch of your body that he finds attractive. These include, for example, your hands, your shoulders and your chest. But whether the kisses are gentle or intense depends on his mood. Patrick:

Whether in public or when you're alone, Patrick always puts his all into a kiss. For him it's all or nothing. And by that I mean everything. French kissing is a must with him, just like touching. Sometimes you have dry sex, even in the school hallways. Because the students and teachers are afraid of Patrick, they simply ignore it. Because if someone messes with you, they will automatically mess with Patrick. What else you need to know about Patrick is that he doesn't kiss normally. Aside from a kiss on the head or your hand, he always adds his tongue. When he kisses your neck, he gently licks your skin, when you kiss on the mouth, he pushes his tongue into your mouth. You got used to it after a few weeks. Victor:

Victor doesn't particularly like kissing you in public. But not because he is ashamed, but because he finds the kisses between you so special that he wants to keep them just for the two of you. They are normal, gentle kisses in themselves, but they are special for him. Especially if they are from you. Victor loves to nibble on your bottom lip sometimes just to hear your voice. No matter whether it's a moan or a whimper, it turns him on, a lot. When you make out with each other, he sometimes kisses you more passionately, but with every kiss you can feel that he loves you and he wants to be gentle. He usually tells his friends that he is always very hard on you. Belch:

Belch proudly shows off that he loves you. He hugs you, carries you around, cuddles with you and drives you around in his car. Even with the kisses. In every kiss he gives you, you feel how much he loves you. They are mostly gentle kisses, but he also likes to show intense sides. However, he respects your limits. If you say no, he'll stop immediately and try something else. He's always very careful when he kisses, as if you could break. And he does that in front of the others, he doesn't care that he's called baby. When you have sex he is usually very gentle, but if you tell him that you don't want it to be gentle, he can do something different.

[thesilmarillionblog]

𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭: 𝟓

Click here to read the first part.

Summary: You and Soldier Boy want to create a family and move on from everything, even the Vought, but you also know that he has to face Homelander one last time to keep his vow to Butcher. However, nothing turns out as you had hoped.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Reader

Warnings: Heavy angst, hurt, memory loss, Soldier Boy gets hurt, reader gets hurt, language

Word Count: 6025

A/N: English is not my first language.

This is inspired by the song 'Remembrance' by Memoria Futuri.༊

Soldier Boy promised to help you remember him, so you and him took your time in the room for some time more, and you thought twice about what to do next. The most powerful Supe would never lie to you about you having a relationship with him in the past; it would be absurd. He had no reason for lying to an ordinary person. Still, you were afraid he might use you to track Butcher and the others. Even so, you had to proceed with caution. 

You politely interrupted him to not ruin the mood by saying, “Don't get mad, but I still need to talk to Butcher first and ask him about... us and learn why he wouldn't tell me about you.”

His hands immediately left your face after you had said Butcher a hundred times, and you carried on speaking until he said something offensive: “I know you hate them, and it's them who betrayed you. At least that's what you're telling me, but I must listen to him as well. You have to realize that I'm confused and frightened, and he's the only person I can remember.”

He looked around the room, irritated that you remembered Butcher but not him, despite the fact that you shared a lot with him. You placed your hands on the hard, cold material on his chest, on the star symbol, to show him that you weren't too distant or that you weren't pushing him away from you straight away. You waited patiently for his response. Without a doubt, Ben was more significant and unique than Butcher and everyone else to him, and he tried not to get angry. 

With a cold voice and an irritated expression on his face, Soldier Boy remarked, “I can't believe you actually remember that pussy, but not me. I don't like how your brain works at that point.”

“I'm trying so hard to remember you, or at least a little something about you, but I'm just not successful. It's not that I forgot everything on purpose,” you whispered, feeling a little guilty about the idea that you might, your old self, actually love him if what he said was true. 

On the other hand, you had no feelings of love or affection for Soldier Boy. In reality, though, you were scared because he appeared to be unpredictable and cruel. Even if you lost all memory of him, wouldn't you still love him? When you were having memory loss, you had no idea how the brain functions, but that's what you felt at the time. 

Rapidly, “I know, I know,” Soldier Boy replied. “I'm not angry with you or putting blame on you. However, that son of a bitch needs to pay for what he did to you, including throwing your body against the table, hitting your head, and not telling you about me. He crossed the line.”

You added, “He must have a reason, and I really need to talk to him. I just need to hear it from him too,” feeling concerned at the way Soldier Boy discussed the past as though Butcher was the evil guy. Still, you didn't find anything you said to be slightly reasonable. Instead of keeping what happened to you a secret from you, he could have told you that both you and Soldier Boy had a past and given you the explanation you deserved. 

“Don't you trust me?” He was annoyed that you would continue to stand up for Butcher in the face of him. 

“To be honest, I don't trust you, but please don't get upset with me.” You whispered, “You know I have no memory about you, and I need you to understand me,” and he gave you a hurt look. You tried to smile at him and said, “But I think you'd already killed me the moment you found me in this room if I was a total stranger to you,” as guilt filled your heart. “That must mean something, right?”

With a surprised low laugh and a nod, Soldier Boy said, “You're a smartass, aren't you?”

Uncontrollably, his smile made you feel a little more at ease, and you exhaled a sigh of relief that he wasn't being aggressive anymore. 

“So, talking about trust issues,” he added, arching an eyebrow. “I guess you don't want to go back to them since there is a high possibility that I would follow you and find your precious pussy friends, right?”

“Yeah,” you said, not wanting to risk the lives of others or anything because Soldier Boy was too determined to kill them. “In this case, I think I better call Butcher and talk to him through the phone.”

He nodded, “Very well,” relieved that you were no longer so keen to return to the traitors. It was certainly because he had threatened to murder them, but which reason wasn't important at the time. When you were so confused and bewildered, he would never allow you to return to them. You were obviously brainwashed by Butcher. 

You looked around and said, “Okay, I'll call him, but you can get me out of here first?”  as he waited patiently for you to call them. “You know, there are other politicians and supes.”

“Yeah, it's better we get the fuck out of here now,” he said with irritation. “I hate discussing politics anyway. Personal matters should come first, right?” Soldier Boy said, giving you a wink and picking up the gun off the table and putting on his suit again.

You nodded to him and adjusted your jeans. You flushed under his focused gaze, remembering how he had torn off your panties simply to spill himself on moments before. It was as though his gaze were stripping you. As he found out about your memory loss and that you didn't require intimacy, you hoped he wouldn't try to touch you again. After all, you had given him what he desired from you—that is, protection from harm. Nothing more. 

As he observed you adjusting your t-shirt and hair while blushing, Soldier Boy added in a hard, serious voice, “By the way, we'll talk about your that hand job later.”

You simply looked at him with a flushed face, not answering him. 

“Let's just leave without paying any attention to this house. Stay cool.” He heard your heart race and raised an eyebrow as if to warn you, saying, “I'll be following you.”

One of the politicians commented, “Ah, he's finally back,” as he sipped his drink and waived his hand to Soldier Boy as you walked by his side during your exit from the room. 

“It's unfortunate that I have to leave now, gentleman. There is so much to do,” said Soldier Boy, putting a slight grin on his face and placing a small hand on your back. “Homelander will be available shortly, and he'll be the one to talk to you about details.”

You exhaled a relieved sigh, and politicians didn't even look at you as if you didn't exist. You would have assumed that they were already enjoying themselves without Soldier Boy because they were eating anything the waiters brought. 

“Homelander just told me that we would be talking to you too,” one of them remarked. “The public is still worried about you returning given what you did in New York. Things are difficult to restore, especially when it comes to trust.”

“Trust is overrated; it's simply built on perfect lies. Also, who the hell cares about the public? I thought you were more experienced and smarter than this. Through the media and a well-written dumb speech, it's simple to dominate their thoughts.” Soldier Boy spoke harshly, “You already know that they are unable to view the bigger picture properly in their own narrow worlds. What's important is to find who's responsible for planning assassination against the vice president, find those terrorists Butcher and his useless team, and prove that the CIA is behind all of the shit.”

“And,” Soldier Boy said in an authoritative tone as one of the politicians opened his mouth to speak. “It will be exposed that the CIA was responsible for my forty years of fucking torture in Russia. The public will discover the truth in this way, and they will once more support their one true supe. That's how we rescue our nation from the trash that's been dumped on it. Are we clear about this?”

After a brief glance around, you noticed that The Deep and Black Noir were eating and conversing as though they were starving. You thought about if it would be simple to shoot Noir without drawing notice, and you still had your gun with you. Well, you have to do this anyhow. It was likely that by keeping Soldier Boy a secret from you, Butcher had actually betrayed you. But it wasn't like you were prepared to abandon them and simply join Homelander and Soldier Boy on their own wicked team. Not fucking way.

You have to use the virus on a strong person quickly enough to start developing it. But first, you had to take care of your own issue. 

One of them said, “But..”

“No buts, no deals, no mercy,” Soldier Boy interrupted him right away. “Homelander will handle the majority of the problem on his own. With the exception of the CIA and their pawns, of course, neither Vought nor I want to see bloodshed, but it's best to bring things under control as soon as possible. Remember that President, Vought, and Homelander are trusted by the public. It's best if you give it your all. Consider this a recommendation or warning—I don't give a damn. However, be aware that the president will always back us. I mean, I'll be giving my best for my beloved nation, isn't that right?” Soldier Boy patted the politician's shoulder as he spoke, who was trying to get free of Soldier Boy's cruel and tight hold on him while clearing his throat nerveously.

“Yes, without a doubt, we are going to help you fix your public image. It is quite unfortunate that you are one of the victims of the CIA. It's simple to mislead the public about your intentions by the media,” remarked the other politician, who was casually sipping his whiskey and acting as though Soldier Boy hadn't just threatened them. “We are all in the same ship.”

Soldier Boy grinned broadly and added, “Vey good,” patting the politician's shoulder once more before he stepped back, clearly indicating he wasn't willing to spend time talking for hours. “I guess we are done here.”

Calling out to Black Noir and The Deep, Soldier Boy surveyed his surroundings. You stepped back and briefly locked eyes with Soldier Boy. When he saw that you were becoming anxious, his gaze softened, but he remained silent and did not move.

Squeezing Black Noir's shoulder firmly, Soldier Boy remarked, “The Deep and Black Noir, my old loyal friend from the Seven, will be discussing details.”

You were startled and alarmed when The Deep briefly locked eyes with you, but you ignored him and walked carefully toward the door, knowing that Soldier Boy was almost done with them. You were relieved that no one paid you any attention or questioned you. All of them showed interest in chatting with Soldier Boy.

“Are you okay?” whispered Soldier Boy as you waited for him outside, and you shivered when you felt his hand on your back.

You lied, “Yeah, sure,” and he instantly withdrew his hands.

It irritated him that you had become such a liar. “You must know that my Supe hearing can detect when you are lying to me,” he stated. You used to be different from this, and you always told him the truth about everything. particularly in regards to your current state of mind.

Even though you were the same person, it was difficult to accept that you had changed somewhat. But something has changed about you, and that's when Ben started to get upset. He had best to do anything needed to make you remember everything.

He shot you a cold look, and you said, “What will you do if I say, 'No, I'm not feeling good'?”

“At least I'd know you are being honest.”

With a quick smile, you said, “Well, remember that I don't even know you,” as if it didn't matter what you might have shared in the past.

Soldier Boy gave you a grumpy and unhappy look before gently pushing you to the car. After you left the supe-filled house, there was silence between you in the car.

Thinking about how he talked to the politicians, you felt uneasy and disturbed. You couldn't stop thinking about what kind of person you were and loved Soldier Boy if he was right about you being something months ago.

“What's happening in your head right now?” Soldier Boy finally asked you after giving you a look while you were driving. as if he were whispering.

This time, you said honestly, saying, “I was thinking about the way you talked to the politicians,” unwilling to ignore it and feeling a little more brave around him because he didn't appear to be a threat to you.

“And?”

You shifted in your seat, and you managed to ask, “Is it true that you are going to really team up with Homelander?” after giving it some thought.

Since he had a personal issue with Butcher and the others and was now filled with a desire for vengeance, you could try to understand him about them. However, it didn't seem proper to team up with the worst Supe alive and carry on doing out vile acts for evil people on behalf of evil people in positions of power. All it was was modern-day slavery.

“Are you having a problem with that?”

You shook in your seat at that moment, unable to speak for a long time due to the extreme coldness of his voice.

“Of course!” you replied, raising your voice slightly as if his question were the most ridiculous thing ever. Your former self could not possibly approve of the way he handled the Vought and Homelander crises. “What makes you even want to work with him? Even though he is biologically your son, he is still cruel and vile, just another Vought toy.”

“What do you expect me to do?” He raised his voice a bit as well, unhappy about how your voice sounded critical and icy toward him.

“Well, you don't have to allow people to take advantage of your strength simply because you hate Butcher and the others. If Butcher truly betrayed you like you told me, anyone could do so at any time; Homelander, politicians, and Vought included especially.”

“Even you?” he asked quietly, seemingly interested in finding out what you thought of him.

You were about to say yes, but you kept your mouth quiet out of fear for his reaction. Ben sighed, disturbed by your overly cautious and controlled acts next to him, as he realized that. It was as though you had truly vanished, as though he was speaking to someone else. He sensed then that even though you were with him at that same moment, by his side, he was still missing you. You were just with him physically. He realized then that he had to find you again and help you remember what you had. It nearly disturbed him to have that cautious, angry woman without memory by his side. He felt guilt filling his heart when he gave you an odd look. He had to be more understanding and soft toward you and not let his hatred for Butcher take over.

Soldier Boy simply said, “Things changed. You must choose a side no matter what time. Despite knowing that Homelander was actually my son, I had Butcher swear to murder Homelander. I was prepared to murder him until Butcher attacked me.”

You firmly stated, “He would never stop anyone from killing Homelander,” knowing full well that Butcher despised Homelander.

“It appears that you either don't recall everything about him or don't know everything about him. Do you even recall that Homelander's wife had a son?”

You exclaimed, “What?” in shock, thinking he was going to lie to you.

“Go ahead, give him a call, and ask about Ryan, his wife's son,” Soldier Boy added, flashing you a cunning smile.

“It seems like he didn't tell you.” Not surprised that Butcher was taking rather too long to tell you the truth about what actually took place, Soldier Boy asked with a slight smile. “And you still trust him, but not me.”

You kept calling Butcher every single time, and you said, “He's not answering my calls,” in a hurt voice. You had the option to call the others as well, but at that moment, all you wanted and needed was to talk to Butcher, and his lack of response was leading you to believe that Soldier Boy had been telling you the whole truth.

With a heavy heart, you placed your phone in your pocket and showed him how weak you were by holding yourself back from crying suddenly with your hands by your sides. When you were with Soldier Boy, you had no idea what kind of person he was, but you didn't want him to see you were that vulnerable, at least.

Butcher's betrayal was not quite as heavy as Kimiko's. When she knew you weren't even a Supe, why would she even leave you with Soldier Boy? If he had believed that you had deceived him as well, he might have hurt you. You believed that you had become friends with her. She must have known you for a very long period as well. The realization that she had been lying to you hit you even harder.

Confidently,  “Of course he won't answer,” remarked Soldier Boy. “He must be planning what to say to you and how to tell fresh lies to deceive you, leaving you even more confused.”

“He doesn't need to take any action in this case.” You said in a sour voice, “I don't think you're a good person at all after hearing you there and listening to the way you talked to those people.” You could not possibly just accept him collaborating with Homelander.

He gave you a tender glance and stated, “You love me,” without even trying to understand what you were trying to convey. “You, Butcher, and everyone else are aware of that. When you remember about us, we can have a proper conversation, alright?”

Ben was just bothered by the weight on his chest, which gave him the impression that you were a shapeshifter even if you weren't. Even though he was in love with you, he couldn't shake the unpleasant feeling that was eating him alive. It felt like he was trying reaching out to the real you that was hidden inside your body when he tried to speak with you. It was hard with your aloof,

nervous, and icy gaze. It was always easy to persuade him because of your understanding and kind tone, even when you two had previously had some disagreements. But now everything was different.

Saying with a sigh, “I don't know what kind of person I was before my memory loss, but I'm positive that I don't, and I can't be with you. I don't know if I'll be able to retrieve my memory, but if not, my feelings for you won't change. You are cruel.”

You were about to add something, but, “That's not what you really think of me,” he cut you off. “Let's simply spend the night somewhere tonight and talk to the greatest doctors who can help you tomorrow in the morning. We both need some rest. We'll get through this,” Soldier Boy assured you, quickly putting your hand in your lap and giving it a gentle squeeze to demonstrate his patience and sympathy.

With a strange expression on your face, you questioned, “What if I don't?” as your thumb lightly brushed across the surface of his hand. “What if I never remember anything about myself, you, or us despite all effort, even if the doctors and I do our best?”

“I gave you my promise,” he murmured, trying to show confidence and self-assurance as if there was no other option. “All you need is the best medical and psychological care possible. I'm everything you need. Not with Butcher's lies, nor any other person's. Me alone.”

You wanted to believe him at that vulnerable time, even though you could never be certain of the kind of person he genuinely was with you in the past. You wanted to think that he loved you more than anyone else. Looking at his powerful hands, which might have killed you in an instant, you held back your smile, seeing those hands were holding yours gently. You couldn't stop thinking about giving it a shot, but you didn't want to be too close or too far away from him. Given how simple it was for him to swap sides, he was obviously a cruel Supe, similar to Homelander, but perhaps you could change things.

“Since you were unfamiliar with me an hour earlier,” he added, changing the topic. “Why were you alone yourself on the third floor? You were there because Butcher assigned you another foolish and risky mission? Sending you there as if you were some prey?”

You lowered your gaze to the point where your hands touched and said, “You already know the answer,” as he looked at you.

“He's too fucking brilliant or too stupid to send you to me. I have to admit you had me distracted. If he had another plan in his stupid head by sending you to distract me, he is most likely successful.”

You said, “Butcher actually had no idea you were going to be there.”

“So you're saying I was lucky to find you, huh?” Soldier Boy winked at you and continued driving, barely checking at the road. You were afraid of him because of how careless he drove. He wouldn't die in a car crash, but you most certainly would. “I must confess that I was able to recognize your voice from the one noise you made up there. I suppose my supersensitive hearing was overly sensitive to you these days.”

He asked again, curious, when you failed to respond, “Why were you there? What would you do with that adorable little gun of yours that's still attached to your adorable pants?”

You instantly replied, straightening your t-shirt and widening your eyes. “Nothing!”

“Don't get excited; you can keep that useless gun with you, baby, if it will make you feel better,” he remarked simply, becoming annoyed when you immediately withdrew your hands from him.

“It's just a gun, nothing more.”

You attempted to sound calm and collected, but you were sweating and your heart was racing, so he could know you were lying to him again. Surprisingly, though, he remained silent and didn't make you tell him the details—for which you were grateful.

“Okay, keep that tiny, adorable toy if it makes you feel more secure. For the record, I can defend you more effectively than anyone, but I must warn you that hiring a Supe to keep you safe from criminals is incredibly pricey.”

This time, when he smirked and spoke to you in a lighthearted way, you couldn't stop giggling.

You laughed in response to his amusement, saying, “I need to think about this.”

“By the way, why in the world did you give me a hand job there while you really didn't even know who I was?”

Attempting to act cool, you crossed your arms over your chest when Soldier Boy brought up the intimate subject between you, drawing your hands to yourself and making a flushed face. This time, his tone was a little more stern and cold instead of playful.

“You made an attempt to take me there. It appeared to be an escape route.” You defended yourself. You were certain that your face blushed crimson.

“Fuck, baby,” he sighed in annoyance. “Of course I wouldn't force myself on you if you simply said 'no' and explained your situation to me.”

“How on earth could I be knowledgeable about that? I was frightened when a supe tried to take me on a table since you seemed so determined to take anything you wanted there.” You raised your voice to try to win him over. You weren't even brave enough to act reasonably there.

“What if someone else was attempting to... and it wasn't me? Fuck. I'd rather not even think about it. Now that you are sitting in your seat without your underwear, look what happened. I must admit, though, that I really enjoyed your little handiwork.”

Soldier Boy must have seen your heart racing uncontrollably again, because he said these things to either make you feel shy or excited.

You asked abruptly, hoping to annoy him with a hint of harshness mixed with curiosity, “And how on earth you couldn't tell I was lying if your supe hearing is too sensitive when I said I missed you too, because I was definitely lying?”

He added in a sour voice, “I was too fucking horny to focus if your heart beat was racing because of excitement or lying, sweetheart,” dismissing the fact that you had lied to him about missing him and ignoring the burise on his pride. “Who knows? Maybe both.”

You felt guilty as you noticed the lighthearted tone in his voice fade into a sort of sorrowful glimpse. He was aware that you were going through memory loss and that you weren't truly missing him or anything. It wasn't your fault, of course, but since he was your former personality's boyfriend and not your own, you wanted to cheer him up right now even if you didn't know how. It was hard to believe that you were the same real person as before, but you had the impression that your memories of him were more important to him than you were.

You whispered to him, observing his expression. “But if I were the same person as I was months before, I'm certain I would miss you. Of course, that is, if we were a real thing.”

When Soldier Boy saw that you were trying your hardest to cheer him up, he lit up with you a tiny smile to let you know he appreciated it. Your genuine behavior, sensitivity, and compassion were still present, at least.

He said, “It's okay,” with such firmness that you remained silent until you got there. “I just want you to be honest with me.”

You were unaware that he had been holding your hand the entire time.

When you realized that they had decided to stay in the house that Butcher had brought you to a few days prior, you asked in a hushed voice, “Why?” in shock. It was the home you most likely spent several months living in.

You knew that Butcher had told you to leave when he found out Soldier Boy was free since Soldier Boy had also must have lived in this house for a while.

“I promised to help you to recover.” He whispered, “We have to start somewhere,” and quietly closed the door while urging you inside. “This seems like a good place to start. It is too full with memories for us.”

You said, “Butcher told us to leave this home as soon as he knew you were free,” obviously not wanting to reveal too much.

“I thought so,” Soldier Boy agreed, unable to stop thinking about Butcher's cunning ways and how he did everything in his power to keep you away from him, and he angrily remarked, “He balls are not big enough to confront me.” You could never be taken from him. No fucking way.

You inquired, “Do we have good memories in here?” not knowing if he would be completely honest with you.

“Both good and bad. It took us a while to really start a relationship,” Ben said, remembering the unpleasant moments when he was being mean to you, and you found it simple to tell him how you felt, but he wasn't as ready as you were to do so. “Good memories were also there, though. In the last three or two months, we managed to work it out. It wasn't like we were toxic or something. Mostly.”

You only mumbled, “Hmm,” as you tried to imagine your relationship in your thoughts.

You followed upstairs without saying anything more, feeling the need to return to the room where you were assured it wasn't important. You wondered if your feelings would change if you spent time with Soldier Boy this time.

With a sigh of relief, Ben followed you there and watched you go to the room where he had spent months. He experienced discomfort and agony at the same time since you could remember the room where he stayed even though you were completely unaware of it.

Even if you forgot about him and everything you had, a piece of your love was still there, clinging to him and refusing to let go. Your body had its own thoughts about him.

“What did you choose this room?” As you closed the door behind you, Soldier Boy asked softly, hoping you would recall one small detail about him.

The emptiness and silence in the room created the same heavy sensation that was tearing at your spirit and couldn't even be named. It was a heavy feeling that filled your heart with aching thoughts. You knew it was important even if you weren't sure if it was the nothingness or the silence that affected you that hard.

“I found myself in this room when Butcher brought me from the hospital to this house.” You mumbled, “I don't even know why,” unable to contain your own sadness.

“And?” Soldier Boy asked, forcing himself to suppress a proud smile at your remarks.

“I'm not sure why, but I had a very depressing, possibly saddened feeling that I can't quite describe. All I can recall is that that evening, I cried all as I fell to sleep.”

Ben kept coming toward you, hugging you tightly from behind and kissing the back of your head firmly, all with a heavy heart. Your hands brushed his rough ones on your lower abdomen, but you avoided pushing him since you believed that being near to him would help your brain function. Nothing compared to how close and intense it was.

Saying in a rough, whispery voice, “This is the room I've been in for months,” he said. “You actually spent a lot of time in this room with me; we had many wonderful moments together. Your body must have a memory of its own.”

“I really tried hard, but...” you began to defend yourself, not sure for what, but he interrupted you right away with understanding.

“I know, I know.”

With a shy glance, you were able to save yourself from Soldier Boy just after you had a moment of silence. You clearly needed rest after such a difficult and stressful day.

You said, hoping to change the conversation and find out what his intentions were about tonight: “Will we stay the night here? I should mention that you have nothing to wear. The entire wardrobe appears to have been emptied. But I'll search Kimiko's room for something for myself.”

“Yes, we definitely will. Also, that's not a big deal,” he muttered as he hurriedly began to remove the cloth covering his chest and place it on the table.

Thoughts raced through your head as you held your breath for a moment. It appeared that a discussion regarding the best course of action was required.

With the knowledge that Soldier Boy was determined about sleeping by your side, you changed your clothes after finding clean underwear in Kimiko's room. God, you thought he might try to fuck you again after you had given him a handjob two hours earlier. This time, you believed that handwork would not be sufficient. You needed to speak with him in a serious tone.

You had no idea how your sex life with him would be, and you didn't think he would force you or anything, but he was still a supe, your so-called ex-lover or whatever. The situation was simply awkward. You had to let him know that you were different now. When you walked into the room, he was examining every inch of you while wearing a sly smirk.

With a trembling voice, you stated, “Well, I guess I need to be clear about something.” You really tried to sound tough and confident. It was becoming difficult to maintain your composure, though, under his playful gaze as he removed his jeans and boots. “I must tell you that I don't want any sexual stuff because, as you know, I can't recall a single thing about us. Until I regain my memories, you are, at the very least, a complete stranger to me.”

Ben grunted in exhaustion as he lay on the bed, rolling his eyes and holding back a smile in response to your explanation. You watched him nervously, waiting for an answer.

“Actually, I had no intention to,” he remarked honestly. “Of course, I still love you and want to give you a good fuck very much, we both need that, but you know, you kind of feel like a different person now. I suppose we need to go through this quickly so you will remember us. When things get back to normal in our relationship, that's when I'll give you a big, deep fuck, so you better heal quickly.”

His lighthearted remarks about how you were like someone else to him didn't make you feel better—in fact, they kind of broke your heart—but at least he was serious about staying away from you, which was good. What you shared in the room hours ago was already too much.

You turned your back on him and felt his naked upper body moving closer to yours instantly, but you remained motionless. You simply awaited his next action.

Once more, the hands of Soldier Boy stroked your lower abdomen, drawing you even closer to him and pressing your back against his bare and warm chest. You felt his power on your back. Uncontrollably, your hand contacted his rough one to see whether he would react to you and to feel something toward him. Although they were warm, rough, and understanding, surprisingly, his hands were not forceful.

He mumbled to your ear, wanting you to make yourself remember what you had. “We used to spend most of our time here, lying like this for months, for many nights,” he said.

Your hands lingered on his hands and said nothing, and he went on, “I miss you so much.” His tone was achingly sharp.

The way he'd said it, with his firm voice as though he was talking to someone else, was supposed to make you feel better, but it didn't. You wondered if he would still love and care for you, even if you felt like a stranger to him and you couldn't remember anything about him. With that kind of personality, wouldn't he love you? He had loved and missed the other side of you that he had been missing.

There was no more space between you two as he held you near to him; your back felt the warmth of his bare, powerful and warm chest, but you were agonizingly too distant to stay close and way too cold.

Next Chapter

⋆⋅☆⋆☆⋅⋆──────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──────⋆⋅☆⋆☆⋅⋆

A/N: Comments are very much appreciated. They keep me going. ^.^

Taglist: @smexydilflover @deebris @coolrobloxkid28 @endrfairy @libby99hb @raynamorono23 @cwutesygrl @ladysparkles78 @seokjinluvbot      @deangirl96 @whendiditendalthoughenjoyment @mostlymarvelgirl @dilfsandmartinis @deans-spinster-witch    @mayafatimakhan @riah1606   @unleashthelion @cnmcgee @ahoytothestorm @hells-dragon @bitchykittenconnoisseur @anundyingfidelity @ladykitana90 @xmariakx @demodemo909 @placeboetkisi @sukunassfinger @startingstar

@peachhiz @yinmaggiorebass @ilovecooperhoward

[cardsagainstmyself]

Missing You

Alec Volturi X Fem!Reader

Summary: You begin to miss your vampire soulmate when he leaves you in the italian castle on an important mission.

Warnings: suggestive material

Authors Note: My first work!!! I've been deliberating this for the longest time. I am open to criticism (be nice please lol) and any comments! Hope you enjoy 💞

》》》》

The bed you usually shared with him was cold and empty while he was gone. You opted to sleep on the couch included in your lush chambers in his prolonged absence. His being away was prolonged exactly by five days as his mission was originally supposed to be two days, but was extended to a full week immediately after his departure. Alec's phone calls were hurried as he was always pulled away by the rigorous chase of a troubled rogue vampire. The hasty words shared between the two of you were never enough for either side.

You layed upon your velvet sofa, gazing at the gold bracelet gifted to you by Alec. It had a darling engravement on the plaque: "forever". Your phone rang and you hurried to jump up to grasp and answer your phone.

"Hello", you tried to not sound excited or anxious, although you currently were both.

"My Tesoro, are you well? I expect to be home shortly." He sounded slightly strained, although you chose not to comment on it.

"I'm fine." You come off more snippy than intended, but move past it to not worry him. "You caught him? Finally?"

His reply came immediately: "Yes-- well, Jane caught him."

You giggle, a sound that always made Alec's dead heart flutter. "I bet she did." You pause. "So...soon as in tonight or..." you let your impatience do the talking, much to Alec's amusement.

"Yes as in tonight, princess." You heard the smirk in his voice. "Can you handle another few hours, dear?"

"Don't tease me." You order sternly. "Run here as fast as you can because 'another few hours' is all that I can handle anymore." Your snarky response was followed by Alec's laugh before you hung up to get ready for his return.

You take your time in showering and applying light brushes of makeup while listening to music. When you were in your shared walk-in closet surveying your options of dresses, you felt cold hands on your waist.

"Don't bother putting anything else on when your robe is about to come off..."

You quickly turn around to throw your arms around Alec's neck. "Alec! I missed you!" You hugged him tighter as he leaned closer to your neck to leave kisses.

"And I you." His lips moved up to your cheek, then to your lips. The kiss was filled with longing. Your tongues soothed eachothers as your hands moved to his shoulders to anchor yourself so he could pick you up.

He walked the two of you over to your perfectly made bed and sat you down. Your hands slid down Alec's chest where he held them there between his own hands. "It's been too long..." you state in a sultry manner, laying back on the comforter.

"I can't help but to agree with you, my lady." Alec's response was accompanied by his hands running down your thighs, and back up again to toy with the hem of your robe. "Shall I act on my earlier words?" Alec winked at you while he waited for you to give your consent, a must in your relationship.

"You shall," you giggled out in excitement. Your robe now dangled off of your shoulders, and Alec's hands are tracing the lace of your panties. Slight rubs through the fabric had you letting out panting breaths. "Alec," you whimpered.

His movements suddenly stopped. He gained a statue like appearance with his unmoving eyes and pristine skin. You tugged on his sleeve to gain his attention. "Don't tell me."

His lips were now pursed in an apology. "You know I don't mean for this to happen--." Bangs on the doors sound and you hear a teasing voice directing Alec to the throne room: Demetri.

"I'm afraid you and your hands are needed elsewhere, Alec." You scoff at Demetri's inappropriate words, and move off of the bed to put your robe back on.

"Be quick. Dont make me take matters into my own hands." You warn Alec.

This makes Alec determined to get back to you in a timely manner; he speeds out the door, almost trampling over Demetri.

A busy vampire you were mated to.

[auratux]

Opinions on how the Bll characters would react when you tell them that you’re afraid that you’re holding them back? And you know the ‘you deserve better’ insecurities.

omgomg I love this 🥹🫶

includes: Bachira, Isagi, Kunigami, Rin, Chigiri and Nagi

warnings: angst, hurt comfort (if I labeled that right..)

Bachira Meguru

He’d be real sad that you even thought about that in the first place

It makes him think to himself if he never gave you enough reassurance or showed his appreciation to you

He’d want you to tell him why you felt that way in the first place and hopefully, you two could come to an understanding. He was big on communicating.

“I can’t keep holding you back, Meguru,” you whisper pitifully, staring down at your hands that were enveloped in his. “You have to focus on your future.”

“What makes you think that, honey?” He asks gently. His heart aches to see you in this state and wishes he could take all your pain and put it on his shoulders. “Please tell me.”

“You’re so close to reaching your dream and becoming pro and it feels that I’m the one who is stopping you from pursuing and taking the spot on the national team. If it were my fault that you didn’t go, I’d hate myself.”

“Do I make you feel that way..?”

“No!” You shake your head. “It’s me thinking that. I just don’t want to be that person who stops you from doing what you want most.”

“Darling..” his finger curls under your chin, tilting your head up. His yellow orbs staring into your own— your irises gleaming from the tears that fall. “If anything, you’re the reason why I’m pushing to go pro. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be where I’m at. I can’t do it without you. I need you with me.”

“R-Really..? You mean that?”

“Every word. You’re my rock and I can’t do this without you. Please don’t think you’re holding me back. You’re motivating me to be the best version of myself.”

Isagi Yoichi

At first, he doesn’t believe you and thinks you’re joking but once he notices your tear-stained face he snaps out of it.

Isagi knows what it’s like to feel like you’re holding people back — he felt that way years ago when he played with his school team.

He feels that he’s not the best comforter with words but he knows that him being there for you and listening is more than enough — and you feel that way too

"I just can't stand the fact that I feel as if I'm holding you back from what you really want, Yoi. I feel like a burden"

And an arrow pierces right through his heart. His mouth is agape as he listens to you pour your heart out on the couch in the middle of the night. Prior, you were both enjoying a movie while cuddling when suddenly you said that you couldn't do it.

"You aren't a burden.."

"Then why do I feel like one?" you whimper, your sad eyes glaring into his own. "I feel like a failure of a girlfriend who can't even let her boyfriend do what he wants!"

Just like that, you break down in front of him for the second time that night. He hates the position he put you in. He never realized or never intentionally wanted you to feel this way. For all he knew, he felt that you guys were on the same page.

His ray of sunshine that could brighten up any dull room was now surrounded by dark grey clouds of doubt and insecurity.

"come here," he mutters, placing a hand on your shoulder and running it down your back, bringing you close to him. His other hand strokes the back of your head. His lips press against the top of your head, listening to your muffled cries.

"Listen, I know we both know I'm not the best comforter, but I'll always try my best to put a smile on your face. I don't want you to have these thoughts and I'm glad you could tell me. But know, I wouldn't be here without you, and damn won't continue without you."

Kunigami Rensuke

when you approached him with a teary expression he immediately goes into protective mode. who did it? Where were they? does he know them? doesn't matter, he's gonna get to the bottom of it

but when you tell him what's upsetting you, he goes straight to comforting you and relieving you from the doubts surrounding your mind

"I know how much you worked and how far you pushed for this and I feel that you could reach your full potential without me here. I mean, maybe you have to go on without me and start a new chapter..."

"Is that how you truly feel?"

"yes," you whisper pitifully, refusing to meet his eyes. you aren't sure what he's thinking and honestly, you want to keep it that way. it would hurt too much to find out if he's looking down at you with disgust or thinking you're insane.

"look at me."

A small noise in refusal and a shake of your head is your response. He lets out a small sign and scoots closer to you, squeezing your bare thigh. "Come on, don't be that way."

"Why aren't you mad?"

"Mad?" he asks in confusion. "Why would I be mad?" His question now caught you off guard as you snap up to look at him. His eyes soften once he notices a tear trailing down the swell of your cheek and down your chin.

"Because I just implied I'm holding you back."

"So why would I-" he starts then silences. "Do you think this is the most important thing to me?"

"Kinda yeah.."

"No," he lets out a small chuckle, a smile breaking out onto his lips. "you got it all wrong."

"How?" you whisper. "It's basically your dream."

"My dream? Football is dandy and all but it's not going to be here forever. My real dream is to be able to spend every moment with you. You're the most important thing to me. Don't think otherwise."

Chigiri Hyoma

when you tell him how you feel, he feels guilty and gets to the point where he almost starts crying with you.

he wants nothing more than to whisk you into his arms and calm you down and remove those awful thoughts away.

eventually, he's gonna need reassurance in the end since he feels he failed you as a boyfriend

"Are you holding back because you're worried about your leg? Or you don't want to go far because of me?"

That question caught him off guard when you guys were getting ready for bed. Never in his life had Chigiri thought that you would think something as silly as that. At least he never had a reason to think that, unless he gave you that impression.

Once that question was released into the air, it led to a discussion that ended with both of you crying. You were crying because you were apologizing for asking such and felt guilty for even thinking it. He was crying due to your crying.

He hated to see it. He wasn't an emotional guy, he was quite reserved for the most part. It was always guaranteed for him to cry when you did. It was like a trigger for him.

"I'm so sorry, my love. I never wanted to make you feel insecure. In fact, I'm supposed to do the opposite and make everything feel better."

“No, Hyoma, I’m sorry for asking that question. I don’t know what came over me to ask it but I’m sorry.”

His pink locks sway with the shake of his head. His hand brings the back of your head closer to his chest and suddenly you guys are starting to rock back and forth slowly.

“You have every right to be asking questions like that. Please don't apologize for asking. I'm not upset you asked it."

"Are you sure...?"

"yes darling," he whispers, his cheek pressing up against the crown of your head. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing to me?"

"Because I wish I never gave you that impression and wish you can see how much I can accomplish with you by my side. You're not going anywhere. I need you."

Nagi Seshiro

hearing the words come out of your mouth distracts him from his game which results in him turning it off and looking at you in disbelief

he wasn't sure if you meant it actually considering you knew how lazy he was to do anything but regardless, he gave you his full undivided attention

"you deserve better than me."

"There's no one I want. I want you."

you sign, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand. "you're only saying that to make me feel better."

"Yeah that's kind of what I was going for, but I truly mean it. Believe me. I only want you." Nagi reaches for your hand, tugging you closer to his body. His hand trails down to your waist, giving a gentle squeeze.

"I don't want anyone else wearing my jersey and being my personal cheerleader. It makes me feel like I'm the best player in the world."

"You mean that...?"

"Mhm," he nods. "Without you, I don't know what I would be doing if I'm being honest. I'd probably be cooped up in my room and play games."

"You do that already..."

"Yeah, but this is different, honey. I'd be doing that alone and playing football. Doesn't that sound boring?"

"Well, I guess it does," you mumble, playing with the end of his shirt.

"What I'm trying to say is that there is no one else I want. There's no one who could replace you. You're my everything. I want to do all of those things, with you. Only you."

Itoshi Rin

at first, he doesn't know what to do.

what you're telling him reminds him of how he felt all those years ago with his brother. Unlike you, Rin's support system was no longer present and he wouldn't put you in that same position.

"I'm just confused where you got this feeling from. Am I neglecting you?"

"No, Rin. It's just when I met you, football was all you ever spoke about. Hell, it was practically your life and even after we got together you talked about it when we were alone. I just feel that you can't achieve what you want with me here..."

And there it was.

After his brother had left him behind all those years ago, it still affects him today. He never knew he dragged those feelings with him into your relationship.

No doubt Rin felt anger when his older brother left. He had some regrets and the majority of those regrets were not telling his brother how it made him feel.

Did Rin have to leave you behind in order to grasp his dreams?

Suddenly all those feelings long ago washed over him. Guilt, sadness, and anger welled up in his head to the point where he was even suffocating in his own thoughts.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, looking down at his lap. "I never realized I put those thoughts into your head."

"It's okay, Rin. I know you didn't mean it."

"No, it's not okay." He looks back up at you, eyes sadden at your sorrowful expression. He reaches for your hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. "I know how you feel and it's awful. I never wanted you to feel the same way he made me feel."

"Rin..."

"I'm not him," he starts. "I don't want you to leave. I need you here with me. I want you at every game, wearing my jersey and screaming my name. You're my biggest supporter and I wouldn't change it for the world."

[jaylienpotter]

Conceited

Jegulus one-shot

Warning: Lily Evans bashing (kinda)

"Why don't you give me a chance? Even to be friends?!"

Regulus turned around and walked towards the source of the noise. He knew that voice very well.

"I hate you, Potter!"

Seemed like Black's crush was getting rejected again. Part of him was sad for his brother's best friend, another, more selfish side of him, was relieved.

"Why?! What did I ever do to you? I know I was a prick to Snape sometimes-"

"You're a bully!"

"I'm not a bully! Snape isn't stupid, nor weak, nor innocent. He does the exact same thing we did to him! He's not a victim." He wasn't wrong, to be a bully meant it was one-sided. Snape and Potter were more like mortal enemies.

"Even then, you're still a rich, obnoxious, arrogant, selfish prat who doesn't shut up about himself! You're so bloody conceited!"

That hit. He could see the hurt in those dark brown eyes. People didn't know the effort the tanned skinned boy put into helping others, making sure everyone is happy, included, safe. He could have all eyes on him yet no one noticed. Except Reg. He noticed James.

"That's not true." The pair turned to him in surprise, pale hands becoming fidgety with the sudden notion of being watched. He kind of regretted speaking up.

"James doesn't talk about himself. Yes, he's sometimes a bit obnoxious and loud, and he does talk a lot but it's never centered around himself. You're getting confused with my brother, Evans."

"Oh, please. Those two are the same. You're not in Gryffindor, you don't hear them all the time." Right, but he did hear from the boy in private. In their late night talks that started after Sirius ran away. Because James didn't want Reg to feel alone. He noticed. He cared. He helped.

"What does he say then? About himself. Not about his friends. Or the stupid pranks they all pull." He dragged the word 'all', making it a point that it didn't count.

"Do you know his favourite colour? Favourite animal? Favourite classes and professors? His grades? How many people he's dated? Anything about his home life? His life goals and dreams?" It was too late to back out, the rant had begun, and you bet Blacks finish what they start.

"Because I don't think so. He might talk a shit lot, but it's about his group plans, his friends, making jokes, making others laugh when feeling like shit as so many do nowadays," himself included. "It takes a lot to get him to talk about himself as an individual, actually. You would know if you gave him a chance. But for someone so against judgemental people, you really do focus on his appearance." Green eyes wide, pink lips shut tight. Regulus contained his smirk.

"He's a good person. A great friend. Selfless and caring despite being from an old pureblood family. And he fights for what he thinks is right. He fights for others. With his big personality comes a big heart. So if you don't make space for the love he has to offer just because you think you don't believe he has it in him, he's not the conceited one." Red hair nearly flew with Lily's stormed exit. She hadn't liked their interaction in the slightest. It was better that way. She wasn't deserving.

Piercing dark eyes were burning a whole through black curls. Reg avoided James's gaze, afraid of what he'd say. He only faced him when he felt the boy closer, and he could swear Potter's eyes were sparkling.

"You meant that...?"

"Of course. You care so much about everyone else that you forget yourself. You couldn't tell me what you wanted to do in the future because it would depend on what your friends decided to do with their lives. You're the most selfless person I know, and if she thinks otherwise, she doesn't deserve your love or friendship."

Silence. He really wanted the older boy to say something, but he just stared, lips slightly parted. Icy blue eyes looked away, shoulders tensing from the attention.

Warm strong arms surrounded his small figure, nearly making him halt. But Potter's sweet, intoxicating smell had him relax and melt in his arms, wrapping his much slimmer ones around his tanned waist.

"Thanks, Reggie." His heart skipped a beat at the nickname and he hoped James didn't feel it against his own chest. He was also thankful to have his face covered, absolutely certain that his white cheeks had turned fully pink.

[fatecantstopme]

Don't Take The Girl

Pairing: Luke Alvez x wife!reader

Summary: While on a case with the team, you end up on the wrong side of a gun and Luke has to save you. Ends with fluff and smut.

Warnings: Weapons, mentions of death, angsty AF. SMUT, unprotected sex (P in V). Cursing. Use of pet names.

You never expected to be in this position. You'd been shot at more times than you'd care to remember, but you'd never experienced anything like this. You'd never been this truly terrified.

You could feel the cold metal of the gun pressed against the back of your head and your heart was hammering in your chest. You didn't bother to beg for your life--you knew he wasn't thinking clearly anyway.

You entered the police station, the man behind you, the gun firmly in place. The first face you saw was your husband's and you said his name softly, but loudly enough to catch his attention.

Luke turned to look at you, taking in the look on your face. He saw the fear before what was happening behind you registered in his mind. "(Y/N)?" he said as he stepped forward.

"Don't move," the man behind you snapped.

Luke immediately held his hands up, gaining the attention of everyone else in the station, including the members of your team that were standing near him.

"Just take it easy," Luke said calmly. "Let's talk this through."

"I want the man who killed my son."

"Mr. Carter, you know this isn't the way to get justice for Ryan," Emily said gently.

"I'll only deal with one of you, so pick," Mr. Carter insisted.

Emily took a step back, allowing Luke to take control. It was his wife's life on the line after all.

"You can talk to me, Jim," Luke said gently, hands still raised in the air. "Can I call you Jim?"

Mr. Carter--Jim--nodded his head.

Luke took a tentative step forward. "I can't imagine what you must be going through."

Luke's eyes shifted to your face and his heart nearly broke. Your breathing was labored and shallow, eyes filled with unshed tears, lips quivering slightly. You were clearly terrified, yet you managed to retain your composure.

He'd never been this terrified in his life. His heart was close to beating right out of his chest and he fought the urge to run to you and pull you out of harm's way. He'd been to war, he'd been blown up, shot, held hostage...but nothing could compare to the terror he felt in this moment.

"But hurting (Y/N) isn't going to bring back your son," Luke continued.

"I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt any of you. I just want the man who killed Ryan," Jim said firmly.

"You know I can't give him to you," Luke countered softly.

Jim cocked the gun and you inhaled sharply. You didn't wanna die, and you definitely didn't want Luke to watch you die, but there was nothing you could do.

"I will shoot her," Jim shouted.

Luke took an instinctive step forward, terror evident in his handsome features. "Please," he begged. "You don't wanna hurt her."

Your eyes fluttered closed and you took a deep breath in an attempt to calm your racing heart.

"Bring him to me and I won't."

"I can't," Luke said softly. "But I can promise you that we'll do everything we can to ensure he pays for what he did to your son and the other victims."

"You can't promise me that," he yelled. "My only child is dead! I want revenge!"

His yelling only served to make you more afraid. You could tell he was starting to unravel, which meant your death was becoming more likely and more imminent.

"I know you do," Luke insisted. "I get it, I really do, but revenge won't make you feel better. It won't bring him back."

Tears welled in Jim's eyes. "He was all I had," he whispered.

"I'm so sorry, Jim," Luke murmured as he took another step towards you. Three more steps and he'd be within arm's reach. "If you put the gun down, we can talk--"

"No! I don't wanna talk!"

You let out a soft whimper as the gun pressed more firmly into your skull.

"(Y/N/N)," Luke whispered, a tone of desperation in his voice.

"I'm okay," you whispered back.

Despite his hazy state of mind, Jim seemed to notice the tension between you and Luke. "What is she to you?" he asked Luke.

"My life," he answered honestly. "My wife, my family, my everything."

Tears began to flow down your face at his words. He loved you more than anything in the world and you loved him just as much. The mere thought of losing you was enough to break him.

'I love you,' you mouthed to Luke.

Tears welled up in his own dark eyes as he nodded at you. "I love her more than life itself," he said softly.

Luke's words seemed to get through to Jim, softening his demeanor and bringing him back to reality. He slowly lowered the gun and released you from his hold. The moment you were free, you ran to Luke at the same moment he ran towards you.

Emily and JJ rushed forward to take the gun from Jim, rendering everyone safe. Jim repeated "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," over and over as Emily led him to an interview room.

Luke's arms were wrapped around you so tightly you could hardly breathe. When Jim, Emily, and JJ left the room, Luke pulled away from you to take in your appearance.

"Are you okay, baby?" he whispered as he touched your face and neck.

"I'm alright, Luke," you whispered back. "Thanks to you."

"I didn't do anything. Just spoke the truth."

You leaned into his chest as he wrapped you into a hug. "And that's what saved me."

He kissed the top of your head as he held you. He was almost too afraid to let you go--as if you'd disappear if he stopped holding you. "I thought I was gonna lose you," he said so softly you weren't sure you were meant to hear it.

"I'm harder to get rid of than that," you mumbled into his chest.

He laughed lightly, the sound warming your soul. "Thank God for that."

You pulled away from him to look at his face. "I was a little worried too, honestly."

He nodded. "I know, baby. I know," he sighed. "I love you so much, you know."

You smiled at him. "More than life itself, apparently."

He blushed. "I meant it."

"I know--and I love you just as much."

He kissed you softly, a kiss you returned gladly. The feel of his arms around you grounded you in a way you didn't even realize you needed.

"Come on," you said as you pulled away from him. "We need to go talk to him."

Luke's eyes widened. "I'm not letting you go in there."

You raised an eyebrow as you regarded him. "It was my life on the line, Luke, not yours. And I understand why he did what he did. He's just a broken-hearted father looking for justice. Besides, he didn't hurt me and he's certainly not going to hurt me now."

He sighed. "Fine, just--just stay on the other side of the table from him, please?"

You agreed and followed your husband into the interview room.

**********

When you got back to the hotel, you were exhausted. It had been a very eventful day. You had opted to not press charges against Jim Carter...you understood what he was feeling and you didn't want to make things worse for him.

Luke disagreed of course, but he didn't fight with you as much as you'd thought he would. He was just glad you were alive.

Luke pulled you into him the moment the hotel door was closed. He kissed you so passionately that the breath left your body. After what felt like an eternity, he finally separated from you, both of you completely breathless.

"I've never been so scared in my life," he whispered.

"Me neither," you said honestly.

He kissed you again. "I don't wanna let you go."

You practically melted into his touch. "Then don't."

Luke's fingers intertwined in your hair as he pulled you even farther into him. He couldn't stop holding onto you and you didn't want him to. The way he held you spoke volumes about how he was feeling and how much you meant to him.

Luke wasted no time ridding you of your clothes and his own. Either his hands or his lips were attached to your body every single moment.

He gently pushed you back against the bed, letting you collapse on top of it. He crawled on top of you, touching every single inch of your bare skin.

"Luke," you whined. "Please, baby--I need you."

Your soft voice spoke to his soul. He needed you as badly as you needed him. "I've got you, my love."

Normally, he'd want to take his time with you--make sure you were ready for him, but neither of you wanted to wait. Today had been too much for both of you and all you wanted was to feel him--all of him.

You were already soaked, his soft lips and firm hands enough to get you where you needed to be. He gripped your hips as he slowly slid inside of you, eliciting a gasp and a moan from deep in your throat.

"Luke..." you moaned softly. "Feels so good."

"I know, baby. So tight--so good for me."

You clung to him as he moved, moans dancing between the two of you. He couldn't stop himself from whispering sweet words to you. He needed to make sure you knew how much he loved you.

"You're so amazing, sweets. I love every part of you," he murmured.

His words brought you closer to the edge as each thrust brought you immense pleasure. Words had escaped you, only able to moan and whisper his name as he moved inside of you.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered as he kissed your neck. "My beautiful girl. I never wanna let you go."

"Please..." you whimpered.

Luke knew exactly what you needed. He slid a hand between your bodies, finding your clit with ease. He gently rubbed circles around it, bringing you even closer to orgasm.

"I know you're close, baby. I wanna feel you. Can you cum for me, sweet girl?"

You gasped in pleasure as he pushed you right over the edge. "Luke!" you cried out, pleasure overwhelming you as you exploded around him.

"(Y/N)," he groaned loudly. "Baby--I'm gonna--" His voice broke off as he came, filling you with his seed.

He helped you ride out your high before collapsing on top of you, lips pressing to every inch of skin within reach. "I love you, baby. So damn much."

"I love you too, my love," you said softly, placing a kiss to the top of his head. "You're my world."

After a few minutes, Luke was able to roll off of you and make it to the bathroom. He grabbed a hot, wet washcloth and began to clean you up. He kissed you sweetly as often as he could and mumbled sweet nothings as he cleaned you.

Once he deemed you clean enough, he crawled back into the bed beside you and pulled you into his chest.

You settled in against him, feeling so warm and content in his arms. "Don't let go," you whispered.

"Never," he whispered back, pressing kisses into your skin.

You'd never felt more blessed in your life than you did in this moment. Laying here in the arms of the love of your life...you were so thankful to be alive. Thankful to be with Luke--thankful for Luke. You'd never felt so loved either. He was your world and you were his. He would have traded places with you in a heartbeat, would have given his life for yours without thought.

All that mattered to him was that the two of you were here in this moment--that you were wrapped in his arms. He wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with you. He was still shaken from the events of that afternoon, but he was so happy--so content--just to be with you.

[madwomansapologist]

Hi! Wanted to say that your writing style is so nice and it feels so mushy when I read them. I'm truly amazed, where do you gen an inspiration to write?

Can I please request Morpheus x reader, who picks on their skin? I've always had this stupid habit and in result fingers (and sometimes face) are always in pain or bleeding. And usually you're not notice it until someone points it out for you and things become awkward. 💀 (Also I'm so sorry to bother if your requests are closed, I checked but maybe accidentally skipped it)

It's okay if this may be weird or specific and you don't want to do it, I'm still grateful for your writings. Have a nice day!

morpheus noticing your skin-picking habit would include

Masterlist | Rules | Taglist | Library | More Morpheus | AO3

synopsis: Restoring the long-forgotten library of Morpheus's realm, your last concern was what your hands were doing. Concentrated on reorganizing and looking for signs of lost dreams and nightmares, it was Morpheus who noticed a old habit of yours.

warnings: none.

ps: omg. you're literally the best. thank you for that! well mostly of my inspiration comes from things that i personally believe. you know that "write about what you know" advice? i prefer it worded as a "write about what you feel." like the last thing i wrote for Morpheus. it was a request about pregnancy, and I could just write about it, but it didn't really talked to me. but perceiving death and deciding that fuck that, the memories of my family will keep me alive—that talk to me. so mostly i guess is just that Neil Gaiman writing advice: don't be afraid of telling the truth. he said that all books are lies told by people that can put truth in them. i guess i live by that. sorry for the rant, but i'm so passionate about it. either way, hope you like this! my requests weren't close by the time you ask for it (sorry for the long wait, i was working on the birthday event), there is no need to apologize! have a great day, dear! 💙🪩

• The library wasn't going to restore itself. At least, you don't think it can. Doing whatever Lucienne told you to, it was only natural for you to focus on trying to make this realm reach its glory again. You didn't have time for anything else.

• Cain and Able were surprisely helpful with your task. The brothers may not be exactly healthy with one another, but they know a lot about this place you know so little. With their knowledge and ease of sharing it, you were closer and closer to finally find Brute and Glob.

• By the time you were back with Lucienne, you both had so much to do. It was so easy to forget about anything else. To have a break, to eat something, to sleep for a few hours. So many things to do, so much to repair, that all you could was to focus on your work. Not even an old habit of yours could have won your attention.

• You were picking on your skin. It always surprises you when you noticed, simply because you don't do this on purpose. It is just a thing that happens. Most of the times, you don't noticed until it starts to hurt or bleed. And this time, none of that happened.

• Dive into work, and with Lucienne also worrying about the realm, no one was really paying attention to your skin. Your hands picked and pushed, but with no great amount of pain to warn you about it, you just didn't noticed.

• You both heard when Morpheus entered the library. After one of his many quests to find his tools, it was a surprise that he would come back so early. Or was it late? You can't really tell how time works here.

• When you welcomed him, it took mere seconds for Morpheus' expression to change from tiredness to concern. He walked straight towards you, his hands grabbed your face with care and affection, and asked you what hurted you.

• You undertood quickly what happened. You explained to him, the awkward situation making you more and more embarrassed with every couple of words, feeling suddenly so out of place. But when Morpheus was sure that nothing had inflicted pain on you, his softness made impossible for you to remain embarrassed.

• Morpheus silenced you with sweet kisses. His lips roamed through your face, his feelings penetreting your skin. He kissed you whole before looking at you again. And the way he looked at you, the way Morpheus always look at you, made you feel so... so...

• Wide.

• In front of Morpheus, in between his hands, you feel infinite. Morpheus always finds a way to make you feel like that.

• Morpheus may not be the best person to pick on social clues, but he can read you. When you care about someone in the way he cares about you, it's easy to learn about the person of interest. Morpheus was able to understand that this habit was just another facade of you, and he would never made you feel bad about it.

• Of course Morpheus would pretty much rather you not hurting yourself in anyway, but he would never made you feel bad about it. If he ever notice you doing it again, Morpheus would just grab you hand and kiss it. It's not like being gentle with you was difficult.

• And if you ever pick your skin until it bleed, Morpheus have no problem with helping you to clean it. Morpheus can take care of you, just like you took care of him so many times before. He's just being fair.

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

[erithel]

Hello erithel!! I'm very embarrassed to ask this... but I really want to read your fics on AO3 and for some reason I don't understand, it won't let me...

Basically, when I click where theoretically the fic should open, for some reason only the summary appears and not the chapters or the text, and other times reading on AO3 it hasn't happened to me... What I mean is, do you know the reason and if there would be any other way to read your fics elsewhere if it doesn't work for me on AO3 since I really want to read them especially after reading your comics 😅😅😄😄

I don't know if it would be too much to ask if you could put a link or something...

(I feel super embarrassed to ask you this really...)

By the way, your art is seriously awesome, probably many people tell you but I wasn't into klance and thanks to your art I got into it jsjs"

I send you a image of my problem:

Huh. First of all don't feel embarrassed. Technical issues happen and you should always feel welcome to ask question if there's confusion.

Secondly I really appreciate your kind words about my work, and the fact that you are interested in reading my fics!

The unfortunate part is that I have never had anyone experience this issue before (or at least none who have let me know), so I am afraid to say I don't have a for sure solution for you. :(

What I can say is that -

#1, I have not restricted my fics, so they should be available for anyone to read.

#2, unfortunately the only other place where the chapters show up are on my patreon and that doesn't include all of the fics just the more recent ones.

#3, as far as I know ao3 doesn't have any kind of control over who can view what. I only recently was made aware that instagram was restricting some of my comic posts from minors, but again I don't think ao3 has anything like that (and I have no idea how old you are lol). That being said, the fic "Broken Things" you used as the example does have one of the major content warnings on it, and I know you can filter out certain ratings/subjects/content, so that might be something to check.

#4, the only kind of solution I can think of is having you try just clearing your cache/cookies. I know I've had to do that to get ao3 to load a few times, and maybe that might help? It is weird that you are able to see some of it but not the whole thing.

I am very, very not tech savvy so there might be a simple solution to this issue. If anyone else knows about this and especially knows how to fix it, please leave a comment!

I am so sorry you're having an issue with this, and I am even more sorry I can't give you a good answer on how to solve it. If nothing works, you might just need to reach out to ao3 support, although I'm not sure how quickly they respond.

[authormars]

Trauma

This is a Lucifer trauma post. Trigger warnings include: SA, Abuse of Authority, Abuse in general, Manipulation, Grooming, and if I'm missing any, please tell me

I'm a firm believer in don't like, don't read/ignore

I'm making one big post about this, because it's much easier. I'm focusing on the two I mention a lot in my fics or possibly posts here.

I do want to prefice this with that I do not condone or defend any of this behavior. These are real experiences some people may go through, and if you have, please seek help from a trusted friend, adult, or medical professional.

I will put trigger warning per section. None of this is canon, it all pertains to my headcanon/my au

Michael

Trigger warnings for this portion include: Grooming, Abuse of Authority, Abuse, SA(?)

Michael is an archangel. He was part of an experiment created by the father to see what DNA made the perfect angel. Three were created from this. Gabriel, with half human, half angel DNA, Uriel, with full angel DNA, and Michael, with half demon, half angel DNA. Michael proved to be an interesting case, with strength above any other angel. However, the demon in his blood came with some not so good tendencies to enjoy others pain.

When Lucifer was created as the "perfect angel," Michael began to train him in swordfighting. Michael took an interest in him and became his only mentor.

As Lucifer grew older, Michael began to be more harsh on him. Anytime he failed to defeat him in a match, Lucifer would receive a punishment such as being whipped. It slowly drove him to become better (though, the other archangels didn't approve of his methods)

Lucifer had a habit of sticking his whole self-esteem on Michael's opinion. This meant he was constantly asking Michael how he did or whether he looked good or anything to get praise. If Michael didn't respond with "Perfect" then Lucifer was sent down a spiral (something that stuck with him when he fell)

At a celebration for another angel, Lucifer and Michael we're about to leave and Lucifer happened to ask "Do I still look good?" Because he was desperate for his idol's approval. In response, Michael kissed him and said "Absolutely perfect"

Afterward, Michael insisted Lucifer didn't tell a soul what had happened. They were friends, weren't they? Friends can keep secrets, right? Manipulations such as that. Eventually, these exchanges got more common and Lucifer became more paranoid they would be found out. He thought the world of Michael and would never sell him out, but he was always worried someone else knew.

But then, the war began and Michael refused to side with Lucifer.

"But you said we were friends."

"Friends don't rebell against the Father, Lucifer"

"She's my sister!"

"She made her choice. You must make yours"

"Then I suppose we'll meet again on the battle field"

Michael's section is finished here!

Diavolo

Trigger warnings include: Abuse of Authority, implied/mentioned SA, Abuse

If anyone recognizes me off my AO3, then you'll probably know of my Kiss Me, Son of God series. This is a series in which Diavolo abuses his authority and Lucifer's pact with him to sleep with him.

That's the first incident in which Diavolo isn't the greatest person.

Diavolo has rampages, just like the brothers. However, unlike the brothers, his don't stick to a particular sin. Diavolo is a royal demon, meaning he is representative of all sins. This means that he can have rampages for all sins.

The most common would be Lust or Wrath. During these rampages, he has a tendency to hurt Lucifer. In Lust, because he subconsciously sees Lucifer as his future queen (tagged as Dialuci for a reason) and in Wrath because he sees Lucifer as an angel, therefore a threat in his realm.

However, unlike Michael, Diavolo almost never remembers doing these things to Lucifer. When he realizes his best friend is slowly becoming afraid of him, he makes the move to improve. As time moves forward, Diavolo becomes more caring and cautious around Lucifer, leading to the relationship we see in game.

Final thoughts

I give a lot of trauma to Lucifer, mainly as a coping mechanism. I am an angst writer, so the things I headcanon/have in my au are going to be heavy topics. I recognize that this behavior is not okay and I don't defend it at all.

These things happen to real people, and I feel like these topics aren't discussed enough in fandom culture. That's the reason I write it and incorporate it. If we remain ignorant, we won't recognize the signs of it happening in our own lives or in the lives of the people we love.

If you've read to the end, thank you! I know this is mainly just me dumping stuff, but thanks for reading it

[narsh-poptarts]

Hello!!!! I'm opening summer commissions!! For right now I will only have 4 slots open, but this may change week to week as I generally discover how best to do this for myself!! This is a first come first serve basis and I will do my best to communicate accordingly!!

As mentioned, I'm only accepting payment through Kofi and/or paypal, and payment must be made in full upfront. Once I receive payment, only then will I begin work on your commission. I will be sure to ask you lots of questions about what you want so that both of us are fully in the know before you pay :D!!!

If you have any questions or are interested, please shoot me a DM!!

Thank you so much!!! Reblogs are appreciated!! :DD

Some additional information/disclaimers under the cut: (warning, long)

General Commission Rules:

Please tell me what you want BEFORE you pay me! That way I can properly calculate pricing!!

No refunds!

I have the right to refuse any commission for any reason!! Please respect this. It is likely nothing against you personally, just my own personal preferences for what I'm willing and able to draw.

Expect at most a week long turnaround! Both the time I take and the price I charge will vary due to complexity, but I will do my best to inform you of any changes or delays!!

Life stuff happens. As mentioned in the above point, I will do my best to inform you of any delays that occur

Artwork is for personal use only. Do not resell or make profit off of my work without my permission. Additionally, my artwork is strictly forbidden from being used for Artificial Image Generation or anything similar.

I forgot to put it but light blood/gore is okay!! If you're worried that something might be too heavy, don't be afraid to ask!!

I will do light nudity! LIGHT. Pretty much chest only and very little uncovered female presenting breasts. However, I will allow for censored and/or covered up nudity. I must express tho: No NSFW/suggestive, please and thank you. I just don't feel comfy drawing it. Please use what art I have already posted as reference for what I'm willing to draw (my drawing of my dnd character, Jack, is a perfect example).

Some of my rules are bendable and/or negotiable! Please just ask!!

I will default to using my grainy brush, so if you don't want that, say something!

If you don't care about the specifics of what I draw and just simply want me to draw your blorbo, I'm okay with that!! I might ask for the kind of vibe you're looking for tho

I will not be doing comic commissions, but I will do single scene commissions

Specific Commission Content Information:

I do accept furry comms!! Please be aware that I don't typically draw furry art so I am pretty inexperienced in that field. Regardless! I really want to try anyways and do my best, so I appreciate your patience with me as I learn!!

Additionally with furry comms: I will only do anthro/humanoid!! I'm not all that confident in my abilities to draw animals in the way I want to, but maybe someday in the future!

Yes I will draw your DnD character!! You must already have a visual reference for them, or at the very least, an assembly of reference images that I can use! I will not be designing your DnD character from scratch on description alone. It takes way too long for me to do something like that and I wish to respect both my time and effort and also yours.

I will draw most all DnD races. Please be aware the more animalistic races are not entirely within my expertise, but I will do my best!!

This goes for general OCs as well!! You must have an adequate visual reference of your OC for me or else I can't help you.

I don't want to draw irl people, but if you have someone specific or traits from someone specific that you want me to use as a reference for a character, I'm fine with that.

Yes I will draw fanart of any sort!! That includes fanart with all your headcanons!! You want me to draw an As Close To Canon As Possible LoZ Link? I will do that! You want me to draw a 10 billion scars everywhere, transfem, nonverbal signing, Actually She Lost A Leg Too And Now Has A Prosthetic, shaved head Link LoZ? I will do that too! (with ample reference) Just lemme know B)

Commission Process Rundown:

You go into my DMs and you say something like "hello! I would like to commission you for x, y, z!"

We talk over what you want, what you're looking for, how many characters, color or just lined, if you want shading, style, etc.

You give me a reference image if applicable.

I approve or deny the commission details and total up the price of your commission.

You confirm or deny the price and add or subtract any details to your order.

Upon your confirmation, I give you the link to my kofi or send you a paypal invoice (I would prefer kofi since it is easier and friendlier).

Once payment goes through, I start work on your commission at my next convenience!

I will send you a screenshot of the general sketch. You may change pose or any other detail at this stage. After your confirmation, I continue work.

I then send you a screenshot of the lines nearly finished. You may change minor details at this stage. If I made a mistake in design or otherwise, please let me know and I will be more than happy to fix it. If lines is all you asked for, then I will screenshot one last time once it's done, you confirm any last tweaks, and then I will send you the final image file!! I will ask if you want it to be a transparent image/blank background/specific color background/etc.

If that's the end of your commission details then yay!! If not, the process repeats for the colors and/or shading stages.

I will ask if you mind if I post the artwork! If you don't want me to post it, I won't.

Thank you for commissioning me!!

[mooodyblue]

don't fly away | 60s!elvis, time traveler!elvis(??) x reader (gender neutral reader i think)

summary: after holding off on watching his own biopic for so long, elvis finally decides he's ready to watch it with you.

warnings: mentions of his death, pills, tom parker ?? sorry if i'm missing anything!

word count: 2.7k

note: okay so. i was so nervous about posting this. i've never written reader insert fics and i haven't written in almost 3 years. i was worried this would be too much or too sad but it's been something i've been thinking about for the last few days so i wrote it and was like okaaayyy i might as well post it too. i'd love to write more for elvis in the future though! i just don't write smut cause i'm awful at it LOL. i promise it's not all sad. anyway. i'm terrible at writing endings and i'm also dyslexic so i apologize if anything sounds off or weird. it may be garbage but it's my garbage! some of what's mentioned may be out of place, not accurate, not make sense etc. so...my bad. i tried LMAO anyway pls be nice 2 me and enjoy y'all <3

♡

you still couldn't believe that you were dating THE elvis presley, especially in 2022. to this very day, you still don't understand how he made it here or why he's here but you still savor every moment you have with him regardless. 

of course, you've had that conversation. you know, the one about his future. the one about tom parker, the hundreds of shows he'd play at the international in a short amount of time and of course, the pills. elvis was the one who asked you about it. he had just finished his comeback special and was getting ready to play vegas for the first time when he had fallen asleep one day and all of a sudden ended up in your world. he had no idea what was to come. 

he refused to believe you when you told him what happened to him.  

"there's no way, baby. you're lyin', tell me you're lyin' please." he took your hands, trembling. "who let me get that bad? my life can't just end that way. why did nobody help me?" 

you frowned at him, holding his hands tightly. "elvis, you're here now. it's okay." 

after calming him down, you changed the subject immediately. his eyes lit up when you brought up how much his music influenced the world. he almost begged you to take him to see an impersonator the moment you mentioned them. but you made sure to mention the number of biopics made on him and whose played him in movies and shows, so when you showed him a photo of austin butler in the same outfit that elvis once wore, he had to do a double take. "you sure that ain't me?" 

you didn't really think you'd ever get to watch elvis with him. you showed him a couple clips and videos, and he was definitely amazed. he just wasn't sure if he was ready to sit down and watch something about his life, especially knowing how it ends. 

so when he brought the movie up during lunch that day, you were surprised. 

"i've been thinkin'....y'know about that movie." you looked up at him, putting your mug down on the table. "what movie?" you asked. "are you talking about elvis?" 

he nodded, looking down at his hands. "yea, i-i know i said i'd watch it with you.....a-and trust me i wanna watch it." you put your hands over his. "i'm not forcing you to watch it. if you don't want to watch it, it's okay. just because it's about you doesn't mean you have to watch it." 

"i know, i know. but i really thought about it, i uh...i think i'm ready. if that's okay with you." he looked up at you, a hint of fear in his eyes. he was nervous. he didn't know what to expect. you've told him nothing but good things about the movie, including the last 20-30 minutes which you mentioned can be hard to watch. 

"okay. we can watch it tonight." you said, giving him a small smile. he smiled back at you, feeling good about his decision. 

you knew he was scared, but even you were a little nervous yourself. was elvis going to cry? would he be able to finish it? it is a long movie, after all. but you had talked it up so much, you were afraid it wouldn't live up to his expectations. and you refused to admit that it was definitely a comfort movie of yours, again, minus the last 30 minutes. sometimes you just end the movie when it's at a good part, that's how you want to remember it. but it's different now since you have elvis. you could finish the ending and he would be right next to you. 

later that night, you both sat next to each other on the couch, waiting for someone to hit play. the remote was in your hand, so obviously you would have to do it, but you were still unsure. “elvis, we don't have to do this.” you said, looking at the title page for the movie. “i know i don’t, but i want to.” he sighed. “and besides,” he looked at you, placing his hands on your face and turning your head towards him. “i have you. the best source of comfort i could ever ask for.” he placed a soft kiss to your lips and smiled. “i love you, you always know what's best for me. always lookin’ out for me.” 

you swore you could cry at that very moment. you were so lucky, so grateful to have elvis in your life. when he first showed up at your doorstep, begging for any sort of help, you thought you were dreaming. he had a lot to learn, he couldn't believe half of the things you taught him. when he kissed you for the first time, it hit you that elvis was real. he was right in front of you, still as handsome as ever. he was all yours, just your little secret.

you smiled at him, nodding. “i just want you to be okay.” he sat back, putting his arm around you. “don't worry, baby. i’ll tell ya if it's too much. let's see who needs more comforting when it ends, you or me!” he laughed. “now c’mon. get on with it, let's watch it. i can't look at this title screen any longer.” you took a deep breath, in and out, and pressed play, the suspicious minds intro filling the room. 

you kept glancing over at elvis to see if he was enjoying himself, which he definitely was. his eyes were glued to the screen during austin's entire louisiana hayride performance. you can’t count how many times “well, goddamn” has left his mouth. 

“aw hell, they put that steve allen performance on here too? nobody needs to remember that!” he groaned. 

and then of course, the trouble scene. he made you pause so he could explain what actually happened, which you already knew, but you let him have his moment anyway. the moment you hit play and austin started performing trouble, it took everything in you to stop yourself from squealing or crying. elvis looked over at you when austin got on his knees, shaking his head. “i don't know why you're actin’ like that. you've got the real thing right here!” you shushed him and he gasped, “nah, i know you ain’t shushin’ me! stop lookin’ at him like that!” 

the scene with gladys was difficult for him. he had asked you to pause towards the end of the scene. elvis stared at the screen, bouncing his leg up and down and nervously chewing at his nails. 

“are you okay?” you asked him. “i just need a minute.” he said quietly. you got closer to him, wrapping your arms around him tightly and burying your head in his shoulder. the scent of the soap he used from his shower earlier gave you a bit of comfort.

“i love you.” you said to him, softly. 

you kissed him on the cheek and gave the knee he was shaking a slight squeeze. “we don’t have to finish it.” he shook his head, “no, no. i’m okay. i-i’m okay. let's keep going. thank you, baby.” he gave you a quick kiss as you hit play once again.

he warmed back up slowly, although he didnt say a word during the scene with him and priscilla in germany. you never really asked about her considering what would happen with them a few years later, which you also mentioned to him during the same conversation about his future. 

that was the one problem you had with your relationship, you knew he was always with other women despite being with priscilla. but you being in a relationship with him now had to be different, right? you tried to not think about it much. you just wanted to enjoy every moment you had with elvis, and you hoped he felt the same way too. he didn't get out much anyway. 

in another world, he was the king of rock and roll. in your world, he was just a guy on the street who looked and sounded like elvis, cause nobody was going to believe that he was magically alive. but of course to you, he was your best friend, your boyfriend and the most talented man to ever walk on this earth. 

he was okay with your world, he liked the peace and quiet but most importantly he liked you. 

he really enjoyed the viva las vegas mashup and the little montage about his movies and his memphis mafia. you rolled your eyes at some of his side comments regarding how he hated his movies, despite you telling him how much you loved them. except….well, there are a couple movies you'd never watch again. 

“honey, i told ya, i am not gonna sit down and watch one of my movies with you. i don't wanna talk about em’ anymore!”

“elvis, it's 2022. do you realize how many people love and rewatch your movies?”

“y/n, i’d rather watch paint dry than watch those movies” 

elvis was not prepared for the comeback special scene at all. it hadn't been that long since the special came out before he showed up in your life. you'd never seen him so excited, he couldn't believe what he was watching. 

“well i'll be damned, he’s got the moves and everything down perfectly!” he shook his head in amazement. “even the suits, it's all perfect!”

you had a soft spot for if i can dream. prior to elvis being in your life, you would always listen to it after a bad day or after a panic attack. so when you first watched austin’s performance, you definitely shed a few tears in that theater. but you didn't expect to be crying after watching the same performance for the 10th time, especially next to elvis himself. 

he glanced over at you, concerned. he reached for the remote and paused the movie. “are you cryin’?” 

you turned your head the opposite way so he wouldn't see you wiping your tears. “no….why would i be crying?” you said, trying to sound as normal as possible. 

you reached for the remote but your boyfriend moved his arm back, out of your reach. “this movie is halfway over and we've paused at least five goddamn times,” he joked. “d’ya need a minute?” you shook your head and waved your hand, signaling for him to press play. he used his hand to wipe your remaining tears away and gave you a quick kiss before resuming the movie.

then came the most frustrating half of the movie, when he starts playing at the international. elvis hadn't lived this part of his life yet, so you couldn't imagine how angry this part of the movie would make him.

you loved the suspicious minds performance, but watching tom write out deals with the owner of the hotel always left you fuming. 

“i knew that man was up to no good, i just knew it! i shoulda fired him ages ago! i can’t believe he would lie to me like this. that bastard….” he muttered. 

he continued to make various comments, especially asking you whether some things actually happened or not. such as him getting attacked on stage, him repeatedly asking you if the colonel really lied about who he was. the worst was when he'd ask you about the pills, you still couldn't handle talking to him about them. 

he didn’t say a word when you watched priscilla leave him and neither did you. you kept glancing over at his face to look for any reaction, but all you could see was him gripping the edge of the couch. you knew he wanted to say something, but you left it at that.

it only got worse once it was him and priscilla talking about him getting help. at that point, you were both a little more separated from each other on the couch. 

you could tell it was getting too much for elvis. his eyes were getting glossy and the hand resting on the couch was trembling. all you wanted to do was hold him but once again, you let him be. 

then the headline came up on the screen.

he was definitely tearing up at this point. he noticed your eyes getting glossy too and reached for your hand, squeezing it tightly between the two of you.

it's almost over. you just needed to get through unchained melody and you would never have to watch this with elvis again. you don't even think you could ever watch this movie again by yourself either. 

you were fine up until “....i’ll be coming home, wait for me…..” started playing through the tv, showing the transition from austin to the real elvis. you couldn't tell who was crying more, you or the man next to you. 

he was in disbelief. there was no way his life could end just like that. seeing his name at the end was almost like a wake up call to him. what would happen if he ended up back in 1969 tomorrow? would he forget all of this? and what if he remembered? would he try and prevent all of this from happening? more importantly, would he forget you? 

he was so caught up in his own thoughts, he didn't realize he was crying. he didn't realize you were next to him also crying. you were almost crying more than he was. 

the credits finished rolling and it was back on the title screen for the movie. you both sat there in silence for a minute. you didn't want to look at him. 

none of what you watched was new to you. you knew how the movie ended, you knew all the songs, all the lines but it was all different this time. you've grown so attached to this man over the years and now he's next to you and so madly in love with you. 

you would pray every night, asking whatever god is out there to please let you wake up next to him the next day, to please not take him away from you. 

at this point, you were the only one crying. elvis was beside you trying to calm down and collect his thoughts. he finally looked over at you with sadness in his eyes. “oh, baby…” you began to cry into your hands. he quickly got closer to you, pulling you in his arms and holding you tightly. 

elvis felt like home. you felt safe in his arms like nothing could take you away from him. 

he rubbed your back softly, moving his hand up and down. “it's okay. i’m here. ‘m not gonna let anything happen to you or us.” he pulled away from you, locking his eyes with your glossy ones. 

“i need you to listen to me.” he took your hands and held them tightly. “i don’t know what's gonna happen tomorrow. i don’t know what's gonna happen in a week, a month, hell even next year. all i know is meeting you has changed me y/n. if i go back tomorrow, i pray that i remember you and this moment. but i believe god brought me here with you for a reason.” 

you reached out and kissed him, savoring every second of him. you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling away yet not breaking eye contact. “i can’t let anything happen to you, you can't leave me. you just can't.” you sniffled. “elvis, i’ve never been so in love with someone in my entire life a-and i’m just so thankful to have you here in front of me. he smiled at you. “i know, baby. i know. everyday i thank the lord for bringing me here with you.” 

the two of you kissed once again, this time with more passion. eventually he pulled away, laughing to himself.

“what are you laughing at?” you asked, slightly annoyed. 

“all of this because of that…that austin kid.” he sat back and looked at you, shaking his head. “man, that movie really did somethin’ to us. now tell me, would you rather have me or austin?”

you paused for a minute, deep in thought. elvis frowned, “you gotta be kiddin’ me, really?” he asked. “well…..” you teased. he playfully threw the nearest pillow at you. 

“c’mere.” he pulled you onto his lap, smiling and running his fingers through your hair. “listen baby, i’m gonna marry ya some day. ain't nothin’ gonna stop me. i got no pills and no tom parker to stop me from doin’ anything. and definitely no austin butler is gonna stop me either.” he placed a kiss on your cheek. 

you chuckled, “let’s see who proposes to me first, then we’ll talk” 

“good lord, i’ve never met anyone like you.” he said, shaking his head at you. 

“well, i hope not.” 

[traumacatholic]

Hi. I am reaching out to many Catholic blogs I am following (although I see you are considering Orthodoxy--very cool I have considered that myself a few times) in order to have some help. I am trying very hard to stick to this promise I made to God for Lent and it's not going well--I am failing at almost everything and I am afraid God will be angry with me and that I am screwing up my afterlife. I am afraid and lonely and confused--I have been receiving mostly positive signs, but I am afraid I am only reading them that way because I want them to be positive. I feel like a liar before God because I made this promise to Him and I can't do it--I am failing. And I am afraid that when or if you find my sideblog with this post you will read the others and think I am insincere--I know my blog has a lot of stuff on it out line with the current teachings of the Church, but I also believe that God wants me to feel that way is sending me these signs so I can be made right again. And failing at something He has asked me to do and I have agreed to feels horrible. I'm terrified I'm screwing up my afterlife. I'm terrified I'm overexplaining myself and that I'm digging a hole deeper by asking for help. So pray for me. Please. I sent this anonymously so that my mind blog won't be connected up to the sideblog. I sent this anonymously because I am ashamed and so scared. I would talk to my local priest but I have history with the Diocese--I caused a lot drama and faced a lot of humiliation for confusing and wronghead beliefs before with members of my diocese and I don't wanna drag people back in or put new people in a horrible situation. I'm trying my very best to walk a delicate string.

{{{{Lenten Plans from the Universe/The Messiah/The Golden Timeline (02/13/24)

Okay so basically, here is the plan--handed down through divine intuition or signs or whatever gave me the information--I trust the information source--so here's my spiritual cleanse for the 40 days:

3 days of (as close as possible) no sleep--72 straight hours--then 2 days of regular sleep schedule for the next 40 days

40 days of no more than 1200 calories every day

40 days no spend (outside of food and bills)

40 days (at least) of no medication (exception--Excedrin Migraine but only in extreme situations...)

Increased prayer/communing/sign reading

***I want to be clear that this is something that I am doing for my own spiritual cleanse and enlightenment and enrichment and etc; I'm not advertising this as a responsible or safe or anything--this isn't a recommendation--you're welcome to join me in an attempt but consult with your own support system including mental health team.***}}}

I hope your Lent is going well. I hope you are blessed for helping me with prayer. You don't have to post this--I would understand--but I do hope you pray for me. God Bless.

Hello,

I would very much strongly advise against your guide for lent, and would suggest you stop immediately and consult both your priest and your doctor. The guidelines you have given yourself for Lent are extremely unsafe and harmful. Lent is not a time for self harm, or for placing ourselves at risk of great harm. Which is what your guidelines are. What you are suggesting for yourself, is an eating disorder and a clean cut from medication - which for most medications, is extremely harmful and dangerous and puts you at risk of severe short and long term harm. You put yourself at risk of seizures, collapsing, or other harmful things.

I do not like to take a harsh tone deliberately, do not take my severity lightly. I am not telling you off, but I am warning you that absolutely under no circumstances should you be attempting this in any capacity. Please do not set yourself guidelines for Lent. Please ALWAYS talk to your Priest. Be completely open and honest with him. Do not invite other people to participate in this Lent, the harm that can befall them will come under your shared responsibility. Could you live with that? And if you recognise that this could be extremely harmful to other people, why are you setting it for yourself without any consultation from a Priest or mental health team?

We are not to seek out signs from God, this is extremely spiritual harmful and prideful. We must not consider ourselves worthy of signs from God. We must always interrogate the signs we receive, and speak closely with our Priest about anything that we might feel we are seeing as a sign. It is entirely possible that we can create signs in our life that we see as signs to continue on a harmful and dangerous path. So many Saints have had similar experiences, where they sought out signs or 'received' signs from who they thought was God that led them to grave danger and suffering. Thanks be to God they were lead out of that dark pit, but that is why we should always interrogate things within the Church and with our Priest. And we should take our nervousness to approach him about a 'sign', as proof that the sign needs to be harshly interrogated. God will not punish you for interrogating signs from Him.

You are not a liar to God through realising that what guides you have given yourself aren't something sustainable and downright dangerous. When we set goals for our life, we must never set these goals on our own. We need to establish them with a Priest, and when we inevitably end up faltering in some capacity - or perhaps realising we want to increase our goals. Then again, we turn to him for consultation and support. When we try and set goals for ourselves, we can often fall into the pit of Pride. We must always submit and practice humility, and that is why we turn to our Priest.

I realise that speaking to your Priest might be scary, especially if you have a negative history. But what you are trying to do to yourself is going to end up with you hospitalised. I do not say this lightly. It is incredibly dangerous and harmful. Please speak to both your Priest and your doctor. God has not asked you to do these things, and He will not punish you for leaving these things behind and turning to healthier ways to observe Lent and your spiritual life.

You need to speak to your Priest and your doctor. And I would strongly suggest you delete all posts advertising how you wanted to undertake Lent - as someone that might be in a very vulnerable place might try and follow your guidelines, and cause themselves great harm. Harm that you would have some responsibility for. And please, do not undertake your guidelines for lent. Stop immediately, speak to your Priest and establish something else that you can do.

[eyesofshan-if]

Hello there! :D

First of all, Happy New Year! I wanted to tell you that I'm already hooked on your IF. You immediately got my attention. I'm already in love with Hansol and Yongsun, haha <3

I've got a few questions, if that is alright with you. Please feel free to only answer what you want or ignore it entirely if it's too many at once!

First: I checked your Tumblr and the post on the forum but I didn't see anything so I'm wondering what we should refer to you as? (It feels a bit weird to always say "dear author" and the likes, unless that's something you'd prefer of course!)

Second: I love the character posts you've already done and talking about the ROs I'm wondering if you could--if you have time, no rush there--post a color palette for skin colors? I read the text but I always have a hard time getting it from that alone 🥲

3rd: what sort of voices does everyone have? (Rough, smooth, melodic, etc. ) Maybe you even have some voice actors in mind what you'd think they would sound like? Though I personally only really recognize Japanese VAs, I would gladly Google anyone else lmao

That's it, sorry this got so long😭

To wrap this up I hope you have a wonderful week, lots of fun with your story and please don't forget to rest, eat and hydrate enough! :D

happy new year (although this reply is a few days late oops) i’m really glad that you like my sorry attempt at an IF!! here are my answers under the cut because its pretty long!!

one: you can refer to me as pingu (i just decided that today) for now!! but i do like being called dear author as well <3

two: i will try my best for a skin colour palette, but here’s a warning that my eye for anything colour related is absolutely awful. trying to do those moodboards was an emotional rollercoaster. but because you asked i will try my best. please remember that these are only my take on the subject, and you’re free to have some artistic freedom with where you take it!!

^^ this was an awful struggle and should probably just be used as a suggestion because i am an absolute clown when it comes to colour. please just use it as a reference for the light to dark and warm to neutral skin tones!!

three: i’ll try putting a mixture of kpop idols here together with japanese vas, so you can hear them speak in a normal tone!! japanese vas tend to exagerrate a lot in their delivery, which is not how i imagine them to speak in real life hoho. most of the kpop idols voices come from the group ateez, who are around the ages of most of the characters mentioned

hansol: warm to people he is close with. his voice feels like the gentle heat of a fire after spending a long time out in the cold. tends to speak politely and use proper language, but there’s a certain liveliness to his tone. his voice references are ateez’s yunho and hino satoshi

insu: his voice is always sharp and cold, like the edge of a steel blade. he speaks briskly, always prioritizing efficiency. not afraid to swear at anyone, including the emperor. his voice references are ateez’s yeosang and yuki kaji (specifically his todoroki voice, not eren yeager)

yongsun: listening to his voice feels like you’re sitting next to a running stream alone at night, moonlight ripping off the waters. he always speaks calmly, seemingly able to make any situation feel lighter with a single sentence, and each word contains a certain quiet self confidence. his voice references are kaedehara kazuha (nobunaga shimazaki) and kamisato ayato (akira ishida)

wooyoung: lighthearted and playful. there’s are little ups and downs to his cadence that makes you feel as though the sun is shining on you, beckoning you to play outside. he might not sound like the refined gentleman he’s supposed to be, but his voice is enjoyable to listen to. his pitch isn’t very low, and sounds youthful. his voice reference is ateez’s wooyoung (wow) 

[luxaryllis]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Ａｂｏｕｔ Ｍｅ ✧．＊

ೃ⁀➷ Name: Lux or Ary. Other nicknames are welcome as well.

ೃ⁀➷ Any pronouns

ೃ⁀➷ Minor

ೃ⁀➷ Carrd (credit to Mika aka dr3amscap3 for making this for me)

ೃ⁀➷ Another carrd? (this just has a bit more info on me, the carrd Mika made is mainly for Tumblr)

ೃ⁀➷ Posting Status: Slow but active. Busy with school

ೃ⁀➷ Request Status: Open, but can't guarantee a quick post

ೃ⁀➷ DM Status: Always open

ೃ⁀➷ Current inbox count: 47

ೃ⁀➷ @madasme-luxary is my bestie irl and will be helping me with my posts often

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝙻𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 ✧.*

ೃ⁀➷ None at the moment

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Ｒｕｌｅｓ ✧．＊

・❥・Fandoms・❥・

ೃ⁀➷ Twisted Wonderland (character limit: max of 5 characters)

ೃ⁀➷ Hetalia (character limit: max of 4 characters)

ೃ⁀➷ Genshin Impact (character limit: max of 4 characters)

ೃ⁀➷ Obey Me! (character limit: max of 3 characters)

ೃ⁀➷ Riordanverse (PJO, HOO, TOA) (character limit: max of 5 characters)

ೃ⁀➷ HADES Game (max of 5 characters)

ೃ⁀➷ Greek Mythology (includes franchises like Blood of Zeus, etc) (max of 5 characters)

ೃ⁀➷ Non-fandom/character specific (no character limit)

ೃ⁀➷ Record of Ragnarok (character limit: max of 3 characters)

ೃ⁀➷ Honkai Star Rail (character limit: max of 3 characters)

・❥・Genres・❥・

ೃ⁀➷ Fluff, Angst, Comfort

ೃ⁀➷ AUs & Tropes

ೃ⁀➷ Platonic & Romantic

ೃ⁀➷ Character x Reader, Character x Character

ೃ⁀➷ Gendered reader (automatically becomes gender neutral unless stated otherwise in request)

ೃ⁀➷ Yandere (to an extent)

ೃ⁀➷ Songfics

ೃ⁀➷ Crossovers

・❥・Not Writing・❥・

ೃ⁀➷ Smut or any lewd content

ೃ⁀➷ Extremely graphic g0re

ೃ⁀➷ Anything NSFW

ೃ⁀➷ Big Age Gaps for Romantic Purposes

ೃ⁀➷ Shipping/Romantic content with a character meant to be portrayed as a child or as not of legal age (yes, even if said character is chronologically very old)

・❥・Before Requesting・❥・

ೃ⁀➷ Specify whether it is a request or not

ೃ⁀➷ Please be specific on what you want, of possible

ೃ⁀➷ Don't be afraid to give me constructive criticism

ೃ⁀➷ Feel free to tell me when I make a mistake

ೃ⁀➷ Spoilers are alright as long as you put a warning before it.

ೃ⁀➷ Feel free to DM me if you wanna talk

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝙼𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚜 ✧.*

ೃ⁀➷ Twisted Wonderland

ೃ⁀➷ Genshin Impact

ೃ⁀➷ Hetalia

ೃ⁀➷ Obey Me

ೃ⁀➷ Works-In-Progress

ೃ⁀➷ Mika's Special Requests

ೃ⁀➷ Milestone/Event Specials

ೃ⁀➷ FUN FACT Masterlist

ೃ⁀➷ My TWST EN Game ID

ೃ⁀➷ My Obey Me: Nightbringer Game ID