#rodrigo if he was normal... what an experience

[fr4ndszk]

feintuch is so good because he takes the super common trope of "what if we relied on the computer and it betrayed us" but instead of it being because of evil ai gaining sentience it's because of a manmade error...

and the manmade error was because the programmers were too busy talking about boobs. rip the groundsider who had tits so good they killed 6 crew members and 8 passengers

[norrizzandpia]

So American (OB38)

Summary: To the song So American by Olivia Rodrigo. In which a Brit and an American fall so deeply in love with each other.

Warnings: suggestive scenes, language, so much fluff omg, reader is from America (specifically California), reader wants to be a writer and loves Jane Austen, reader loves London, idk if you can tell yet but this is HEAVILY indulgent, reader goes to University of San Francisco (that part is not self indulgent lol)

Note: I couldn’t help myself ive had this idea for too long, my debut Ollie Bearman fic! I hope you like it because i do 🤭

Eighteen and baby-faced, Y/n thought her trip to London with her best friends would be fun and outrageous. She expected when they touched down in Heathrow that the trip would bring countless amounts of unique memories. It was part of their celebration of completion in their first year in college, a week-long trip to one of their favorite places to welcome the desperately needed summer.

None of them expected for Y/n to slam into a tall body when they were running to a musical before the doors closed and none of them expected that tall body to be that of another eighteen year old who found the short, American girl too cute to tear his eyes away from.

Ollie hadn’t been expecting much when he decided to take a day trip into London, wanting to spend the day wandering around one of his favorite cities. Though, when his eyes graced him the vision of y/h/c hair and a flushed girl frazzled in front of him, he knew it would be one to remember.

She was short, almost too short as his neck craned down to meet her eyes and the two murmured out apologies as he knelt down to pick up her bag that had dropped when they both rounded the same corner too fast.

Her ID slipped out, California’s name in bold letters right at the top and made Ollie laugh.

”American?” He smiled as Y/n’s friends glanced at each other from the side.

Y/n grinned, “Yep, American.”

Part of him knew getting into business with someone who lived on another continent couldn’t be smart, but he couldn’t bear to think of not seeing her again. Her beauty struck him and there were no thoughts in his mind when he asked for her number when she mumbled something about having to leave.

Y/n’s wide eyes turned around to meet his once more, “My number?”

Ollie nodded, his hand in his pocket and clutching his phone, “Your number.”

Her friends behind her giggled before shoving her toward the British boy who they had no idea was not your average or normal eighteen year old. Y/n took his phone lightly and pressed the correct digits. When she returned it, her name staring back at him, he blushed, “Y/n. That’s cute.”

Her cheeks warmed just like his as her friends began tugging on her hand and yelling about making the showtime, “What’s your name?!” She yelled as they dragged her away.

He waved with a beam, “Ollie!”

Ollie. That’s cute.

—

That summer, Y/n never went back to California. The moment she began talking with Ollie and he began taking her out on dates before she was supposed to leave, she knew there would be no way she could leave him. She canceled her flight back after Ollie had begged her to stay, and told her friends they needed to go back without her, that there was something more she needed to explore in London.

The girls had anticipated it, honestly. When they had seen the dazed grin on their friend’s face every time she came back from seeing the boy, they knew there was not enough willpower to hold her back from changing plans.

She would come back for the next school year, but it was clear if things went well, which they seemed they would be, she would stay for the summer.

And that she did.

Ollie forced her around all of England, showing her his favorite nooks and crannies of the country he grew up in. They would spend hours in his car as he drove her around, to the end of the country and back, just so she could experience his favorite view too. Their moments spent together forced the two to get to know each other wholly. Y/n found out about his racing career, gaped at him when he mentioned his Formula 1 race, and Ollie found out about her mundane life as a student at University of San Francisco. Honestly, he loved how regular she was. He craved her stories of college parties and nights spent up until three AM trying to turn in a paper. He loved her life stories. She loved his. They made for a good duo.

When the end of the two months drew near, tears were shed and words of distance were stressed. As they stood at the entrance to Heathrow, Ollie held Y/n in his arms and promised to find another time for her to come visit him, or one where he would come visit her. He was insistent and while they wouldn’t say it then, they were already in love.

That proved true a few months later, after calls and texts back and forth, when Y/n turned up at Heathrow once more. She was on Christmas break, one that granted her time to see her boyfriend, and while her family had been supportive of her skipping the holiday to go see someone that clearly made her so happy, she still felt a bit guilty to cancel. Though, that feeling diminished when she descended down the escalator and found Ollie holding a large sign with her name on it in pinks and greens, a large smile on his face as she yelped out and sprinted toward him.

“OLLIE!” Her bags dropped and she flew into his arms as he yelled her name back, the sign he had worked so hard on thrown to the floor the moment she got close.

He kissed her cheek and the two were looked upon adoringly by bystanders in the airport as he gently set her down on the ground, kissing her softly and whispering how much he had missed her.

When he led her out of the doors, all her belongings in his hands, they smiled brightly at each other as if to confirm how much they would make this month worth their while.

—

Drivin’ on the right-side road, he says I’m pretty wearin’ his clothes. And he's got hands that make hell seem cold. Feet on the dashboard, he’s like a poem I wish I wrote. I wish I wrote.

Ollie clutched Y/n’s thigh as he drove to their favorite spot, one he had shown her during the summer. Her head lulled to the side, staring at him lightly and lovingly right when he glanced at her, his eyes roaming over her body.

Her eyebrows pulled together, “What?”

He smirked, “You look pretty wearing my clothes.” His fingers traced up her stomach to tug on his sweatshirt that adorned her upper body. The way it draped largely over her made his heart warm and how she had the hood pulled up over her messy hair made him want to pull the car over and kiss her silly.

She looked cozy. Cozy enough that his hand traveled under the material to rest around her waist. His warm hands made her feel more sleepy, the clock in the car reading a time too early, as she cuddled further into herself. Ollie noticed the yawn that drew from her and smiled to himself, his eyes averting back to the lonely road they were on.

“Can I put my feet on the dash?” She murmured, eyes closing and head tucking further into his sweatshirt.

Ollie patted her leg, “Sure, baby. I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

He turned the music down enough for her to find sleep again and when her phone pinged beside him, he glanced down randomly. His head had snapped back up before he could genuinely realize the notification he had seen. When it dawned on him what he might’ve seen, his eyes drifted down once more and tapped the screen to see it again.

A notification from In-n-Out stayed put on her screen and he stifled a laugh before whispering, “Oh, she’s so American.”

—

And he laughs at all my jokes and he says I’m so American. Oh God, it’s just not fair of him to make me feel this much. I’ll go anywhere he goes and he says I’m so American. Oh God, I’m gonna marry him if he keeps this shit up. I might just be in lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-love.

Ollie howled from laughter as Y/n giggled, her joke going over better than she expected. She knew it was funny, but she didn’t think the red in his face from not breathing was necessary. Still, she admired the way he admired her and went along with his hysterics. When his breathing regulated and his hunched over position came back to a seated one on the cold bench in Hyde Park, her stares were finally noticed by him.

”What?” He asked, arm wrapping around her shoulder as he shoved a piece of croissant in his mouth. He offered the last piece to Y/n and she took it, murmuring before putting it in her mouth, “Nothing. You just think I’m funny.”

Ollie’s eyebrows rose and he blew out a breath, “I think you’re hilarious.”

”I wonder how much you’ll laugh with me when you’re wasted.” Y/n’s head cocked to the side as she lost herself to thoughts.

Ollie giggled, “Probably an annoying amount when I’m pissed.”

Y/n’s jaw dropped in horror, “Not when you’re pissed! Don’t pee yourself!”

The couple turned to each other in confusion, Ollie fully taken aback, “Who said anything about peeing themselves?!”

Y/n jabbed a finger into his chest, “You did!”

Ollie pushed her softly, his hand on her waist drawing her back to him, “No, I didn’t!”

Her head fell into his chest in a fit of laughter, “Yes! I was talking about getting drunk and then you just brought up pissing yourself!”

In a moment of realization, Ollie found himself howling with laughter again. His hands clutched her frozen ones in the midst of winter before he got out, “It means the same thing! Wasted and pissed! Drunk!”

Her mouth fell open as she began to understand. Then, she pulled a face, “Why would you British people say pissed? That’s weird.”

Ollie gasped with a smile, “Hey! Don’t be rude.”

She crossed her arms, “You’re the one that insinuated peeing yourself.”

Ollie groaned and scrambled from the seat, running away from her with loud laughter, “Get away from me, American!”

She got up, rushing after him, with strangers giving them questionable looks as they began running through the bushes and trees of Hyde Park,

As she followed after him, his smile getting caught in her mind, she realized she had never felt this way about anyone. Sure, she had had guys in the past, but none of them compared to Ollie. The time they spent together, whether over the phone or in the actual presence of the other, always left her with a fuzzy feeling. A fuzzy feeling she always wanted to feel. The idea of forever was premature, but she was beginning to believe she was in love with the boy running away from her and jokingly berating her for being American. If she was in love, why not entertain the idea of marriage in her daydreams?

When she reached him, falling into his arms roughly with continued giggles, he leaned in and kissed her softly. The look in Ollie’s eyes when he pulled back made her think he might just be in love with her too.

Maybe they could entertain the idea of marriage in their daydreams together.

—

God, I’m so boring and I’m so rude. Can’t have a conversation if it’s not all about you; the way you dress and the books you read. I really love my bed, but, man, it's hard to sleep when he’s with me, when he’s with me.

Y/n brushed her teeth in the white of Ollie’s bathroom, his parents having generously let her stay in their home during her stay for Christmas. Her best friend, Charlotte, stared back at her from the phone. Their FaceTime had just started and Y/n hadn’t waited to say any greetings before jumping into rambling about Ollie.

”Charlotte, I’m so obsessed with him. I think it’s unhealthy.” She laughed, Charlotte laughing with her. Ollie eavesdropped on the other side of the door. “He’s so sweet and attentive. He remembers all the little things and even suggests things he thinks I’ll love. Which I always do. The other day, we were walking around Sussex and he saw this small book in a window and forced me into the shop. Turns out he had found a Jane Austen Pride and Prejudice First Edition. He told me he remembered how much I loved that movie and that storyline. He even referenced exact sentences that I had said in the midst of my rant about how much I love Jane Austen books. I looked at the price tag, holy shit, Char, it was so expensive. I made him leave the store immediately because the look on his face told me he needed no convincing in buying it for me. I thought I was in the clear, but apparently he’s friends with the owner of that store, so he went in early the morning after, while I was still asleep, and bought it for me. He surprised me with it along with breakfast in bed. I almost cried, Char. He’s even started reading it with me because he knows how much I love it.”

Charlotte’s eyes twinkled at the look on her friend’s face. Charlotte loved Ollie for the way he treated Y/n. “That is fucking insane. This man is in love with you, Y/n.”

Ollie’s heart exploded in his chest from the other side of the door. He had been caught.

Y/n’s whispering was loud enough for him to hear, “I think I’m in love with him too. I can’t get over his smile and his favorite pair of shoes that he most definitely needs to repurchase. I love his humor and how much he wants to make me happy. I love how he makes me feel so wanted and important. I love everything about him from his ratty Ferrari sweatshirt to the moles on his cheek.”

Ollie almost started giggling, jumping up and down like a schoolgirl, at her confession. He was ecstatic. This feeling was better than when he scored points in his first Formula 1 race. Yet, he didn’t want to let her know he knew yet. He wanted to plan something, something big that would show how serious he was about her.

The two friends hung up the phone after Y/n realized what time it was and rattled off to Charlotte about Ollie waiting for her in bed. Charlotte tried not to point out the suggestive nature of her statement, but she failed. “Use protection!” She yelped just as the phone hung up. Y/n stood in the threshold to Ollie’s bedroom, him staring back at her as the two took in Charlotte’s warning.

Ollie flopped down into the sheets, Y/n falling right into his arms. He kissed her neck and whispered, “She doesn’t need to worry. We will.”

They wouldn’t end up falling asleep until far into the night.

—

I apologize if it’s a little too much, just a little too soon, but if the conversation ever were to come up I don’t want to assume this stuff. But, ain’t it love? I think I’m in love.

Ollie couldn’t wait to tell her. Let her know that he felt the same way. And Y/n couldn’t wait to tell him about her most favorite idea, one she had come up in the wake of telling her best friend how much she loved her boyfriend. Neither of them knew the other had something so serious to discuss as they drove down the quiet street. Ollie had shoved her in the car, telling her he was taking her to a picnic under the stars. He threw his coat over her, taking his other for himself, and drove the few minutes before arriving at the open grass area near his house. He helped her out of the car, leading her to the trunk to get the box of food his mother had helped him make in preparation for this, and found a perfect spot with the clearest view of the sky.

The cold, winter air made them curl into each other, creating the perfect amount of warmth to stay. Y/n didn’t know how to breach her topic as they popped spoonfuls of soup into their mouths. Ollie beat her to it.

“Can I tell you something?” He whispered, finding her soft eyes.

She nodded, “Of course, baby.”

He sighed, putting his soup off to the side and trying to rid his body of unnecessary nerves. He knew she felt the same. Still, his hands shook slightly, not from the cold, “You have completely wrecked my life. You were so unexpected and not something I was ever anticipating, but I am so happy you fell into my life, Y/n. I will always look back on that moment at that random corner in London with so much love because…” He took a deep breath, “I love you and that was the start of you and me.”

Y/n’s face beamed and she set her soup down, throwing herself into Ollie. He fell backward, the two falling into a heap of limbs on the blanket below them. She kissed his face all over with sloppy, lovesick kisses, “Ollie! I love you too!”

He would never get over how her voice sounded whenever she said his name. Sure, she had said it in annoyed manners before when he had ticked her off, but, even then, he loved the way her accent sounded around the syllables. Never did he think he would be putting American accents first before British ones on his list of most beloved accents. Though, he was beginning to find that her smiling face was getting him to do a lot of crazy things lately. Like, buying a book worth thousands of dollars and reading it along with her. Chilling.

She tapped the back of his palms before tugging lightly on his fingers, “I have something to run past you.”

He nodded, pulling her between his legs and stroking her back. She let her legs wrap around his waist as they continued to sit on the blanket, “You know how much I want to be a writer? The reason why I’m studying English and everything?”

Ollie continued nodding, tilting his head as to tell her he had no clue where this was going.

She cleared it up quickly, however, when she nervously rambled, “What if I transferred to a UK university?”

Ollie’s heart almost flew from his chest, “Like, move here?”

She gave a small smile, “Yeah. I mean, I’ve always wanted to move here and study here. I love it here. But, now,” She kissed his lips, “I have more of a reason to. Would that be something you’d be okay with?”

He scoffed, “Would that be something I’d be okay with?! Fuck, yeah! Oh my God, Y/n, please move here. Holy shit, move here.” He begged with the cheekiest grin on his face.

She laughed, “Okay, okay. I still have to be accepted, but I have good chances with my grades and everything.”

Ollie shook her body lightly, “No, you’ll be accepted. If I start a manifestation journal specifically for this, would you judge me?”

Y/n cackled, “No, go right ahead. Tap into that spiritual force, Bearman.”

He kissed her hard, happy it seemed to work out for them. God, he wanted it to work out for them so bad.

—

And he laughs at all my jokes and he says I’m so American. Oh God, it’s just not fair of him to make me feel this much. I’ll go anywhere he goes and he says I’m so American. Oh God, I’m gonna marry him if he keeps this shit up. I might just be in lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-love.

ONE YEAR LATER

Y/n walked down the street to her dorm, a quizzical look etched into her face as she rounded the corner and ran into a hard body. Her eyes found his familiar ones from her position below him and his smile welcomed her home after a long day.

Ollie laughed, “We have got to stop meeting like this.”

She tucked herself under his arm as they began walking, “You just need to stop walking so fast.”

He laughed at her comment before leaning down and kissing her cheek, “How was your day?”

She groaned, “So long. English in a UK university is much more in depth than I was expecting. It puts American colleges to shame. Plus, for lunch, the waiter screwed up my order.”

Ollie frowned, “Oh, no. What’d they mess up?”

Y/n gave him a sad smile, “I asked for chips with my sandwich and they gave me French fries.”

There was silence before Ollie shook his head with a soft smile, “Baby, French fries are chips here.”

She stopped dead in her tracks, “What do you mean?”

He playfully rolled his eyes, “No one says French fries here. If you want that, it’s chips.”

She stood in front of him in a stance that suggested this was an outrage. He chuckled at her, “Then, what do I say if I want chips?!”

He pushed her hair away from her face lovingly, “Crisps, love.”

She huffed and turned away, walking down the sidewalk before he quickly caught up with her. She grumbled from under his arm, “You need to teach me these crazy discrepancies.”

Ollie nodded and kissed her hair, “It’s not my fault you’re so American, but sure, I will. We can start now.”

Apparently, that sufficed for her as she let out an agreeing noise, “Yeah, so where are we going for this date.”

He put his finger to his lips and shushed her, “No, it’s a surprise.”

Her mind loved the fact that he was so obsessed with planning their outings by himself. She loved how much he initiated everything. She had never felt so taken care of. She always envied the girls loved wholly by their boyfriends and now she had that for herself. There would be no day that would come that she took advantage of the boy she fell in love with two summers ago.

She shrugged, “You better be happy I trust you so much, I’d follow you into a dark cave without any questions.”

Ollie squeezed her, “I mean, I follow you anywhere you go, so if you’re not going into that cave, I’m not either.”

He pulled her down the stairs to the Tube as he slipped her backpack off her body and onto his. She kissed him in appreciation, “So, it’s settled. No dark caves.”

Ollie shook his head and led her to the place they needed to be. He held her hand tightly as they weaved through the crowds, his head flicking behind him to check on her frequently before just pushing her in front of him, his hands around her waist as he steered her.

When they got to their platform, he added his last thought to their conversation, “We need to get married first before wandering into dangerous caves.”

He said it so nonchalantly, it made her fall in love with him more. And when he met her eyes after he was met with silence, he found overwhelming joy within them.

He kissed her in the midst of the chaos underground, his hands cradling her face and hers loosely around his waist. They were a sight for sore eyes, but no one saw them in the midst of their special moment.

It was just for themselves and would be referred back to in the coming years as the moment where their forever really started.

Bloody hell, they were so in love.

[eideticmemory]

DARLING & DANDELION | SPENCER REID

Spencer is a lot of things to you. Your baby daddy, your lover, your best friend, and a massive pain in your ass.

Word Count: 6k.

Warning/Includes: Dad!Spencer, smut, angst, hurt/comfort.

You haven’t even caught your breath yet and you go, “We can’t do this anymore.”

And Spencer’s, whose chest is still heaving up and down, goes, “Wh…what?”

“We can’t do this anymore,” you wipe sweat from your forehead. “It’s tacky.”

Spencer props himself up his elbow and turns his body to face you, “Tacky? What do you mean?”

“Don’t do that. You know what I mean.”

“It’s…I mean…we…it’s healthy.”

“Tuh!” you laugh. “That’s your professional opinion, doctor?”

“Yes. Yes, sex is good for the body and the mind.”

“What if…” you prop yourself up on your elbows, “It’s with your ex, who you can never work it out with, who you have a kid with, on an occasional and convenient basis?”

“From personal experience, it’s the best sex you can ever have,” he finishes his sentence with a devilish smile and you roll your eyes, poke your tongue out at him.

You shake your head, “I have to go. You have to go,” you get out of bed.

Spencer’s eyes scan over your naked body and he asks, “Why? Where are you going?”

“Gotta pick up Dandelion from my mom’s,” you tell him as you button your jeans.

“Can I come?”

“What? No.”

“Why not? I haven’t seen Dandy in a week.”

“It’s not about you seeing Dandy. It’s about my mom seeing you.”

“What? She loves me.”

“Duh, more than she loves me, but you know how she likes to pry. She’s gonna think we’re back together.”

“Ah! No, not that we’re back together,” he mocks. “You say that like it’s a bad thing, darling.”

“Well, it’s not a good thing. Put some clothes on.”

“Take your clothes off.”

“Oh, you wish.”

“Can I come?”

“You came about five minutes ago, mister. It’s time for you to go.”

He fakes a laugh, “You’re so clever. Can I come?”

“Are you going to keep asking?”

“Yes.”

“Ugh,” you roll your eyes. “Fine, just, put some fucking clothes on.”

“You’re so easy to wear down,” he giggles, and he hops up, gets himself dressed. You go to leave the room and he calls out to you, “Hey.”

He steps in front of you, takes a good look, and runs his hand over your hair, “I think it would be a good thing…”

You feel this lump in your throat, jammed in the center of your voice box, blocking any air, any words. You tear your eyes away from him and clear your throat, “God, I hate your haircut.”

He chuckles to himself as you maneuver around him and he follows you out to your car.

You ring your mom’s doorbell and say, “Need you to act normal, please.”

“Oh, so, not like we just came from having sex?”

“Exactly.”

You feel him squeeze your ass and you jump, swat at his arm, “Hey!”

“I’m just getting it all out now.”

And as you roll your eyes, the door opens and your mom greets you with nothing but an, “Oh!”

“Hey, mom,” you wave as you step inside.

“Hey, mom,” Spencer mimics and gives her a big hug.

“Well, this is a surprise, huh?”

“Wrapped up with a case early, darling said I could tag along.”

You round the corner into the living room and see Dandelion sitting in front of the TV, legs crisscrossed underneath her. You lean against the wall and just watch her for a moment. You scan over her features, your eyes landing on the tip of her nose that pokes out just like her dad’s. You clear your throat and she does a double take when she sees you.

“Mommy!” she shouts, and she hops up at lightning speed, rushing towards you as fast as her little feet will carry her.

You drop to your knees and let her crash into you, engulf her in your arms, hold her really tight. You pepper her face with kisses, saying, “Hi, baby, hi, baby!”

“Did you have a good day at work?” she asks you.

“Yes, baby. How was your day with Mimi?”

“We got ice cream.”

“No way!”

“Yes!”

“What kind of ice cream?”

“Chocolate,” she giggles.

“Ooh, that’s your favorite. Did you eat all of it?”

“Yes.”

“Every single bite?”

“Yes!”

“Where did it all go, huh?” You start to tickle her tummy and she falls over in laughter. “Here? Here?”

Her giggles are so loud and contagious that you smile so wide, it hurts your face. “Guess what? I have a surprise for you.”

“For me?”

“Yes, you,” you tickle her face. “Look,” you stand her up. “Look who’s here.”

On queue, Spencer pops his head around the corner and Dandelion’s eyes light up. She jumps up and down, screaming, “Daddy!”

“Dandy!” Spencer exclaims, and he scoops her up in his arms.

You stand up as he walks her into the living room, pecking soft kisses all over her face, twirling her around, “Oh, I missed you. I missed you so much.”

You watch the two of them, Spencer sat on the couch with Dandelion in his lap, his arms around her protectively. And as you settle into the peace of it all, something - someone - pinches you very hard and they won’t let go.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,” you wince, as your mom drags you into the kitchen.

“What the hell is Spencer doing here?” she whispers.

She stands in front of you with her arms crossed and you suddenly feel like a little girl. You cut your eyes over to Spencer and Dandy very briefly and stutter, “He…told you. They finished the case early and he asked if he could come see Dandy.”

“Mmhmm…” she nods.

“Mom, please,” you groan.

“Don’t mom, please me. What is going on?”

“Nothing is going on. I…we…he wanted to come see Dandy, so I let him come see Dandy. Coparenting 101, I don’t understand why you’re so suspicious.”

“What…what is this…” she reaches in and pulls down the collar of your shirt to reveal your neck. “Is…is that a hickey? Oh, [y/n], c’mon. What are you? 15?”

“No, no, I…burnt myself with a flat iron.”

She sighs, “I hope you know what you’re doing here, kid.”

“I’m not doing anything. Nothing is happening. I…”

“Shush,” she tells you and you turn around as Spencer enters the kitchen.

“Darling?” he calls.

“Hm?” you reply.

“Could I, uh, could Dandy come home with me? I’ll be off tomorrow and I can watch her while you’re at work and you could pick her up after?”

You and your mom exchange a glance and you cross your arms defensively, “Sure,” you nod at him. “Sure, if Dandy’s okay with that.”

“Thank you!” he gives you a quick kiss on the cheek and your mom raises her eyebrows at you.

Spencer runs back into the living room, chanting, “Daddy and Dandy day! Daddy and Dandy day! Daddy and Dandy day!” and Dandelion bursts into laughter, repeating him, going, “Daddy and Dandy day! Daddy and Dandy day!”

“Does he know nothing is happening?” your mom asks you.

“Spencer’s a smart boy, mom. Don’t worry about him.”

“And yet,” she sucks her teeth. “He’s a complete dumbass when it comes to you.”

Spencer asks if you can drive them to the park. There, JJ meets you with Henry. Dandy and him are close in age. In fact, Spencer had just returned from seeing Henry in the hospital when you told him you were pregnant. It was not your best timing, considering his familial trauma and all, but it had to be done. This puts Henry at 4 and Dandy running in close second at 6 months behind. JJ takes a seat next to you on the bench, watching Spencer run around with the kids. There are the casual aspects of conversation. The how are yous and how’s work and anecdotes about the kids and then she asks, “So, what’s going on between you two?”

“Ugh,” you groan. “Is there a sign on my face today or something?”

“Sore subject?” she grins.

“No. Nothing sore about it. Nothing’s going on…” you look at her from the corner of your eye, then turn your head, “Why? Why, did he say something to you?”

“No.”

A beat passes.

“You seem disappointed by that,” she adds.

“Oh, no. Don’t do that. Do not profile me. You know I hate it when you guys do that.”

She laughs, “Well, I lied. He talks about you all the time.”

You bite down on your lip and look away.

A beat passes.

JJ says, “You seem pleased by that.”

You drive Spencer and Dandelion to his apartment and she runs in like she owns the place.

“Okay, so,” you hold out her backpack for him. “She’s got a change of clothes in here, some hair clips, some ties, oh, uh, how much of her body wash and shampoo do you have left? Because I don’t think I put any in here…”

When you look up and he’s giving you a blank stare, you go, “What?”

“You’re not gonna come in?”

“It’ll just confuse her.”

Spencer wants to argue. He wants to sweet talk you and coax you inside, but coparenting 101, “No, yeah, you’re right.”

He watches you kiss Dandelion goodbye and when she runs back inside, he says, “Call you at bedtime?”

“Yes. Please.”

He has that look in his eye like he wants to kiss you, you know it well. So you leave before he can get a chance.

When you’re laying in bed that night, Spencer calls you on FaceTime and he sets you up on the nightstand so you can see them both. Dandelion laying in bed and Spencer kneeling beside her.

“Hi, mommy!” They say in unison.

“Hi,” you giggle.

“We were just about to pick Dandy’s story for the night,” Spencer tells you. “Dandy?”

She tilts her head.

“What story do you want tonight, baby?”

“Ummm…” she hums, giggling, “The story about my name.”

“Ohhh, that’s a good story,” Spencer grins.

“That is a good story,” you smile.

Spencer holds Dandelion’s hands in his and starts, in this sweet, soft voice, “Once upon a time…there was a mommy and a daddy. And they loved each other sooo much that they were gonna have a…”

“Baby!” she finishes for him and he chuckles.

“That’s right, they were gonna have a baby! And the mommy and daddy were sooo excited about their baby, they just couldn’t wait. But when the time came for the baby to come…”

“She didn’t wanna come out!” Dandy laughs.

“No, no, no, the baby didn’t wanna come out. She wanted to stay warm and cozy in the mommy’s belly. So, the mommy and daddy tried everything to get their baby to come out, but nothing worked! Until one day, they went for a walk at the park. And the mommy was so big that she walked like this…” Spencer mimics your trademark waddle and the two of you laugh at him, you rolling your eyes at the screen. “And they walked and walked and walked and nothing was working. Until, this big, big gust of wind came by…”

He flails his arms, going, “Whoooooosh!” and Dandelion mimics him.

“It was so big, it almost knocked the mommy and daddy over. And when the wind stopped, this tiny, small dandelion floated out of the sky and landed right on the mommy’s belly…and then…”

“Pop!” they say in sync.

“The baby was ready to come out! So the daddy took the mommy to the hospital and out came the most beautiful baby the world has ever, ever seen. The mommy and daddy were so happy and they loved her so much. But they still had to pick a name for her. So after they thought and thought and thought, they named her…”

“Diana Dandelion Reid,” she smiles.

“That’s right,” Spencer nods. “But we just call you Dandy.”

Dandelion smiles as Spencer places a kiss on her nose. “Goodnight, baby. Say good night to mommy,” he grabs his phone and holds it up to her.

“Goodnight, mommy,” she tells you and your heart just melts.

“Goodnight, baby,” you whisper. “I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

She nods and rolls over as Spencer turns out the lamp, leaving her to sleep. Once he’s out of the room, he closes the door and gives you a soft smile.

“Thanks for joining us, darling.”

You smile, nod, “It’s a good story.”

“The best.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Looking forward to it.”

While you’re at work the next day, Spencer sends you a picture of the two of them out on the lake.

S: Pedal boats today!

You giggle to yourself.

Y: Omg so fun!! I thought you were afraid of open water?

S: I was terrified but she begged and begged and begged! What was I supposed to do???

Y: 😂😂😂

You pick up Dandelion after work and she is distraught.

“I don’t want daddy to go!” she cries and you see Spencer’s heart break. You can hear it.

“He’ll be back, baby, he always come back,” you whisper, rubbing her back.

“No-oo-oo!” she cries and reaches up for Spencer who scoops her into his arms before she can ball her hands into a fist.

“Hey, hey, hey, Dandy, look at me,” he cooes. He wipes the tears from her eyes, “You and mommy are going to call me everyday, huh? And you’ll tell me all about your fun day with Mimi and we’ll do your story before bed and I promise you, I will be back before you know it. Okay?”

She sniffles, gives him a sad nod.

“Okay, give me a hug,” he says and they squeeze each other real tight. “You, too, mommy,” he holds his other arm open for you and you hesitate, but only for a moment, and then you step in and wrap your arms around both of them.

“Mmm,” he hums happily, gives you both a kiss on the cheek, “My girls. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

Dandelion lets Spencer hand her over to you and he waves until you guys are out of the door and all the way down the stairs. Then he exhales all the air in his chest and he cries. But only for a little bit.

He’s gone for a little over two weeks. The day he comes back, he doesn’t really give you any notice, he just texts: Back in town. What are you up to?

And you, still at work, reply: Nothin. Workin.

S: Lunch?

You meet him at a restaurant down the street and when you walk in, he gets so excited that he stands up to wave and knocks all the silverware off the table. Your hand flies to your mouth as it all falls to the floor in a loud sequence of clangs and booms and you watch him scramble to pick it all up. People are staring and as you make the decision to walk over to him, it’s like you’re saying to everyone: yep, he’s mine!

“Hi, darling,” he huffs, his face bright red.

“Hi,” you laugh.

He takes you in a warm embrace and you hold the back of his head in your hand.

“Oh, I missed you,” he says.

“We missed you, too.”

He’s not supposed to, but like he always has, he tells you all about the case they were working on. Full of twists and turns and gorey details that make you sick to your stomach but, somehow, you can still eat. He asks about Dandy and that leads you into the dreaded preschool conversation and you both shut it down instantly.

“How did she get so big?” he asks.

“We just…kept feeding her,” you laugh and he chuckles, shaking his head.

“Time needs to slow down. Seriously. It’s happening too fast.”

“I know. I know, I know, but we’ve got so much more to look forward to, y’know? First day of school and science fairs and graduations…”

“Ah-ah! No, no, none of that. She’s gonna be little forever.”

“You’re in denial, doctor.”

“Well, duh.”

“Here’s the check, you guys,” the waiter interrupts. “No rush, though. Take your time.”

“Thanks,” you say in unison.

“He only brought one check?” you question.

Spencer raises his eyebrows at you.

“And he gave it to you? How caveman of him.”

“Now, now, darling, stand down. Let me pay for your food.”

“I mean, of course I’m going to let you pay for it. I just don’t like the assumption.”

“What assumption?” he smirks.

“I…you really like driving me insane, don’t you?”

He cackles and nods, “Yeah, actually. Kinda my job.”

You laugh and lean into him a bit. The booth you two are in has you sandwiched shoulder to shoulder, and sure, there is plenty of room for there to be distance between you two, but you don’t want there to be. You look at his neck and reach in. As your fingertip touches his skin, you can feel his pulse kick up. You pull the chain from underneath his shirt and let the dandelion pendant fall to his chest.

“Where’s yours?” he asks and his fingertips trail over your collarbone, grabbing onto your matching necklace.

You release his chain, but he won’t let go off yours and he’s giving you that look and you just shake your head, “I should really get back to work.”

When you get to his place, the two of you burst through the door, bodies mangled and tangled together, lips mushed into each other’s faces. Spencer’s got his arms wrapped tight around your waist and your hands have gotten lost in his hair. As he pushes you backwards, you trip over a barbie doll and nearly fall over but he catches you.

“You okay?” he mumbles.

“Mhm,” you nod, and you whip your bodies around, push him onto the couch. He lands with a deep, “oof!” and watches you crawl into his lap. His eyelids drop, feeling the warmth of your hand on his face and your lips on his neck. He grips onto your waist, bunches your dress up in his hands and you work to unbutton his shirt.

You breathe into each other’s mouths, out of breath and grinding against one another on a constant, rhythmic loop.

“Mm,” you moan as he licks down your neck. “Do you have a condom?”

“Mm,” he ponders, “Condom, condom, condom…yes!” And he throws you off of him, leaving you laying on your back while he runs into his room. You slide your panties off and he returns with the packet in hand and falls right on top of you.

His body perched between your legs, you undo his pants and take his jaw in your hands, put your tongue in his mouth. He puts the condom on and holds onto the couch as he pushes all the way into you. You both gasp and Spencer crashes on top of you, catching you in a messy kiss. You pull your legs back for him and he starts pounding into you with this rhythm that you love and he knows that you love. He peppers soft kisses all over your face and grunts into your ear, grips onto your jaw so he can look you in the eye. He thrusts into you so quickly and with so much force that the couch is rattling around on the floor and your head is getting knocked off the edge of the couch. But he’s got you.

Your moans bounce off the walls and your mouth is wide open as you scream, “Fuck!”

As Spencer leans into kiss you, the both of you lose your balance and go sliding off the couch.

“Oh, shit!” you gasp, and try to hold on, but it’s too late and you guys fall on the floor, Spencer groaning as he breaks your fall.

“Oh, my god,” you whisper, leaning down to comfort him. “Oh, my god, are you okay?”

“I’m okay, just…just do that thing with your hips that I like,” he huffs.

You readjust, “This?” you pant as you start to grind your hips on his cock.

“Oh, yeah,” he moans, his eyes falling shut and his head rolling back. “Yeah, that’s it.”

You lean back, resting your hands on his knees and bounce on him, your mouth falling open. He paws at your breasts and pulls at the fabric of your dress. He knows you’re about to come because he knows you, and he knows your body and he can feel you tightening around him, your hips increasing in speed. Your voice starts to get real whiny and you pound your palms into his chest.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you whimper and all he can do is watch, and hold himself back until you get there.

He takes your nipple into his mouth and you tangle your fingers in his hair and grind yourself against him until your whole body tenses up and trembles. You come with his face in your chest and your eyes rolling so far back in your head that you go blind. It only takes a few more motions of your hips for him to follow behind you and he holds onto you for dear life, muffling his groans against your skin.

You both fall onto the floor, still holding each other, trying to catch your breath. Spencer grips onto your hair and kisses you passionately, repeatedly, and casually says, “Love you.”

You can’t stop the visceral reaction you have. You just sit up and stare at him, your eyes big and wide. “I…” you stutter, give him a friendly pat on the face, “Love you…I have to go.”

He watches, dazed and confused, as you hop off of him and fix your dress, “You’re making me feel cheap here, darling.”

You laugh, awkwardly, “No, no, I just, I’m so late for work. I have to get back,” you trip over your panties as you pull them up your legs and swear, “Shit!”

Spencer fixes his pants and stands up, striding over to you, “I freaked you out…”

“What? No. You didn’t freak me out.”

“Because, I can say I don’t love you if it’ll fix it.”

“I’m not freaked out.”

“I don’t love you, I…hate you actually.”

“I’m just late for work,” you try to slide out the door but he reaches out for you.

“Wait, wait,” he calls. “I thought I could maybe see Dandy today?”

“Uh, yeah, she’s at my mom’s just, go whenever,” you shrug. “I have to go. Bye.”

“Darling?” he calls, but you close the door on him.

Your body shivers and you march down the hallway, down the stairs and back on your way to work. When your shift ends, you head over to your mom’s and she opens the door with a bright smile, “Hello, my love!”

“Hi,” you groan as you step inside.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, just, rough day. Need to see my Dandy…” you round the corner and see Spencer playing with her in the living room, so you push yourself back, your mom along with you.

“What the hell is he doing here?” you whisper.

“He’s been here for a few hours. He said he told you?”

“He…I mean…yeah, he did. Why is he still here?”

“I don’t know, [y/n], maybe to be an active, caring father? Crucify the boy, why don’t you?”

Your heart is pounding out of your chest and you tug on your hair with a rush of anxiety.

“[y/n]…” your mom says. “What is going on?”

You sigh and lean against the wall, “I don’t know what I’m doing…you were right, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

And she steps in, grabs your shoulders, takes a deep breath. You follow her. In and out, in and out.

“Well, then,” she nods. “You better figure it the fuck out, baby.”

“I know. I know, I know.”

“Mommy?” Your heads turn to the sound of the tiny voice and Dandelion looks up at you with wide, innocent eyes and every bit of tightness in your chest just dissipates.

“Hi, honey,” you coo and you instantly lean down to pick her up. “Oh, hi, you. Hi, my baby.”

Spencer follows her out there and waves, casually, “Hi, mommy.”

“Hi,” you nod to him.

“Me and daddy made a castle,” Dandelion tells you. “Come look!”

“Oh, yes, show me, show me!”

You follow her into the living room, leaving Spencer with your mom. She purses her lips at him and then promptly walks by him, giving his shoulder a harsh slap.

“Ow!” he exclaims. “What did I do?”

Spencer takes Dandelion home for the night. It’s a Friday so he plans to have her all weekend and most of next week which is fine with you. It’ll give you time to rest and reflect and figure it the fuck out. Spencer takes the hint. For once, he takes the hint and he only texts you sporadic updates.

So, when he calls you on Monday at four in the morning, you think he wants to have a talk. One of those conversations that you guys can never seem to have in the light of day.

“Hello?” you grumble.

“Hey,” he says. “Sorry I woke you up. Can you, um, can you come over?”

You sit up, “Why? Is Dandy okay?”

“Oh, yeah, she’s fine. She’s asleep. I, uh…there’s a case…”

You sigh. “Of course.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” You’re already up to get dressed.

“Darling…”

“I’ll be there in ten,” and you hang up.

He sees your car pull in from the street and he has the door open for you when you get upstairs. He has his go-bag packed and he looks apologetic.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you. “I’ll make it up to you. Both of you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you wave him off. “I’ve got it. You can go.”

“Darling, you know I can’t…I…I didn’t ask to be called in.”

“No, well, duh. This is just one of those things, right?” you shrug. “One of those things I could never stand and I still can’t stand. I’m used to it. It’s fine. I’ll explain to Dandy.”

“This isn’t about the case…”

“Can you…please?”

“This is about the other day. When we…when I…”

“I’m not upset. Don’t project on me. I’m fine.”

“Oh, okay, that was convincing.”

“Why do you always have to do this?” you snap, keeping your voice down. “Without fail. You always do this.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Why do you always have to ruin a good thing? You always, always just have to suck the fun out of everything.”

He scoffs, goes to speak, and pauses, “Did it ever occur to you that…that it wasn’t fun for me, [y/n]?”

Oh, he’s serious. He used your real name.

“That I didn’t enjoy being yanked around and used like some toy?”

“I…oh, come on! Is your eidetic memory broken or something? You initiated it, remember? And if you did that just in hopes of us getting back together, that’s not fair. That’s so unfair.”

“I just wanted to be close to you. And, yeah, maybe that wasn’t fair. But I just…I’m having a hard time believing that it doesn’t work. That we don’t work, hey,” he grabs your shoulders, makes you stop shaking your head and look at him, “Maybe for all the hurt we’ve caused each other and all the baggage, maybe it’s just meant to work. We are meant to work, okay? Because I love you. I am so in love with you. I don’t know how to not be in love with you, look,” he puts your hand to his chest, “Feel how fast my heart is beating? It does not every time I’m around you. I can’t help it.”

“Please, stop.”

“And you’re telling me you don’t feel the same way?” he puts his hand to your ribs and your heart is pounding against his palm. “I don’t believe you.”

It takes you a moment before you can pry his hand away. You remove your hand from his chest, hold his hands in yours, and give him this sad, sad look.

You can see his shoulders fall in defeat, this heavy breath of air coming straight from his chest. He steps away and grabs his go-bag, stands up straight, “It’s a local case so I shouldn’t be gone too long. Kiss Dandy for me?”

You nod, but you can’t look at him. You let him place a kiss on your forehead and then he leaves. You lock the door behind him.

You crawl into bed with Dandelion and you stir for most of the night.

By the time you fall asleep, she wakes up twenty minutes later.

And so, life just kinda goes on. Spencer calls to talk to Dandy just before you go into work so you tell him to call your mom and he does. That’s the last you hear from him for the next couple of days until he calls you while you’re at work.

“Hello?” you answer.

“[y/n]?”

You pause for a moment, “JJ?” and then the realization hits you and you hop up from your desk, running out of the building.

There’s some words like “bomb” and “concussion” and “pavement” but they all blur together and you yell, “Just tell me what hospital!”

You can’t even remember where you parked your car. Everything is muffled and you rush around the crowded hospital in a frenzy. You can’t hear anything. Hell, you can barely see anything. Just Derek, holding an ice pack to his head, pointing you towards a room so you go.

When you see Spencer lying there, a big bandage wrapped around the circumference of his head and a doctor tracking his vitals, you can barely bring yourself to step in the room.

The doctor glances at you, then returns to his clipboard, “Are you his wife?”

You step in, slowly, bring yourself to Spencer’s side, “I’m, uh, the closest thing he’s got to one.”

He tells you there’s some swelling around Spencer’s brain, but it’s been drained. He can’t provide you with an exact estimate of when Spencer will wake up. If he ever wakes up. And as this man is talking to you in this stern, stoic voice, you just look at Spencer. You trace the structure of his face and put your hand on his chest. The doctor leaves and you still can’t pull yourself away from him.

“You did this on purpose,” you whisper, caressing his face. “You did this on purpose to make me feel bad, didn’t you? Because…because I was awful to you…I’m so sorry,” you sob. “I’m so sorry.”

You lay your head on his chest and cry, “Just don’t die. I can’t do this by myself, you hear me? Please, don’t, die.”

Spencer wouldn’t wake up for another four whole days. You sleep in the chair beside his bed until a nice nurse brings you a cot. Dandelion stays at your mom’s house and JJ offers, repeatedly, to give you a a chance to leave. Shower, eat, see your kid. But you’re so worried that if you leave, Spencer will die. So you fall asleep every night to the sound of his heartbeat on the monitor and if it ever should stop, you would know. On day four, you pop your head up from a few hours sleep and he’s watching you. His eyes are hooded and grey, but they are open, you can tell. You hop up and rush over to him, gently setting your hands on his body.

“Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Hi! Hi! Hi, Spencer,” you sob. “Oh, my god.”

He stares at you for a moment, then his eyes scan the room. He looks back at you, “Who…” his voice breaks, “Are you?”

Your eyes go wide and you let out this defeated sound. You don’t even know where to begin. You don’t know how to respond or what to do or how to feel. You think you’re gonna crumble to your knees. And then he smiles.

“I’m just messing with you, darling.”

“Ugh!” you shout and you start slamming your palms into his chest. “That’s not funny!”

“Ow! Ow! Ow!” he laughs. “Okay, okay, okay, I’m injured here!”

You take his face in your hands and give him a long kiss. You can hear his heart rate go up on the monitor.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” he mumbles, as you hug him. “I’m…I’m sorry for everything.”

“No, stop that. Not important. Ridiculously unimportant, okay? Don’t even think about it.”

He nods and breathes you in, “You…stink. When was the last time you showered?”

“That would be…like, the day you were blown up.”

“Ah. When was that?”

“Four days ago.”

“Holy shit.”

You giggle, “Did you just say a bad word, doctor l?”

“Fuck, cut me some slack! I slept through hump day.”

You press your nose against his and laugh and the world feels okay again.

Spencer has to stay in the hospital for another week before you can bring him home. Dandelion is back in her own bed and she just thinks Spencer has gone on a long, long trip. She’s at your mom’s when you get Spencer to his apartment and he begs to see her. Even when his head is still killing him, he begs to see her.

“Tomorrow,” you say as you tuck him into bed. “You’ve still got that scary raccoon look going on. Don’t wanna freak her out.”

“Tomorrow? You promise?”

“I promised the both of you. Tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

He curls up and notices you crawl in bed beside him, “Darling, you don’t have to sleep here.”

“Shhhh,” you whisper, run your hand through his hair, “Go to sleep.”

The next day, he is more like himself. Maybe it’s the adrenaline he gets from the prospect of seeing his daughter, maybe it’s waking up next to you in the morning, but either way, he looks like himself and he talks like himself and he can’t wait to go to the park.

Your mom meets you there with Dandelion and she trips over her feet running to Spencer. She crashes into him and nearly knocks him over, and you can tell it hurts him, but he takes it and kisses her face.

“Where were you, daddy?”

“Oh, on a long, long trip, baby. But I’m back now.”

“I missed you!”

“Oh, Dandy,” he squeezes her tight. “You have no idea.”

He plays for as long as he can. He climbs the playset and runs around playing tag and hide and seek until his breath nearly gives out. He runs over to the bench you and your mom are sat on and huffs, “Can someone else push her on the swing before I pass out?”

The two of you laugh and your mom says, “I’ll go.”

“Thanks,” Spencer takes her spot beside you and his head falls into your lap. “Phew! Tell you what, a coma seriously bends you out of shape.”

“Well, you weren’t all that much in shape before the coma.”

“Ugh,” he groans. “You sound like the fitness personnel at the academy. What does in shape even mean?”

You cackle and he puts his arm over your shoulder. The two of you watch Dandy on the swing. Up and down, up and down, higher and higher, until her laughter is echoing around the park.

“You know…” you start. “Maybe it wouldn’t be…the worst thing in the world…”

Spencer doesn’t even have to ask what you’re talking about, he just looks at you and smiles, “Really?”

You give him a sly shrug.

He looks away from you, trying to keep himself from smiling so hard that his face rips in half. “I…I’m sorry - it’s because I got blown up, isn’t it?”

“Just shut up,” you laugh.

“You can tell me the truth, I won’t be mad.”

“You know what? I take it back, you get on my nerves. Oof!” you exclaim as he suddenly takes you into a tight hug. And for the first time in a long time, you feel a calm, serene peace.

“Yeah, well,” he says, “Sorry, too late.”

[teecupangel]

Ok so been researching some animals when I came across the Titanoboa and I went "Desmond as this would be very funny hehe" because imagine seeing that! A normal snake is pretty anxiety inducing enough, a giant one is a nightmare come true XD

If you wanna know just how long the titanoboa was supposed to be, here you go:

You know what would be funny?

If Desmond was ‘hibernating’ for so long his white scales actually looked like they were stone or mud thanks to all the dirt around him because he was sleeping in…

A very prominent location.

.

Altaïr knew that something strange was going on because he swear some parts of this underground ‘building’ were moving.

He wasn’t going to say it to Malik and Kadar though because he knew that they wouldn’t believe him. Well, Malik wouldn’t believe him but Kadar would definitely be more paranoid, fearing that perhaps they were being played with by a djinn or some other rot.

Then they reached the main chamber where Robert de Sablé appeared and Altaïr confronted him.

He was thrown across the room.

And into a wall…

That started to move against his back.

And all he could do was stare at the walls all started to move.

And golden eyes stared at them from where the supposed treasure was meant to be.

.

Ezio knew something was wrong the moment he stepped into the supposed resting place of God himself.

At least, that was what Rodrigo Borgia believed.

The walls…

They feel like they were moving…

But Ezio couldn’t be entirely sure that it wasn’t just his imaginations getting the best of him. So he continued to walk forward, wary of what lies at the end of this corridor.

Only to freeze when he reached an open room.

Where the head of a giant snake turn to stare at him.

Rodrigo Borgia was wrong.

God did not sleep here.

It was the serpent…

The serpent who had tempted Eve with the forbidden fruit.

.

…

Okay. So the one for Ratonhnhaké:ton is a problem. If we add Edward here, that would be easy because the Observatory is right there. Hell, he could even be an ‘experiment’ that Aita kept hidden.

Or, if you want to go down the route of Desmond being reborn or having the past life of Aita and Juno’s child, their human experiments were all to find a cure to their son who has been turned into a large snake OR all studies on how to keep their son alive during the Solar Flare.

Unfortunately, Ratonhnhaké:ton would be the odd man out of Desmond’s ancestors as he doesn’t enter any Isu facilities that we know of. Of course, we can just make Desmond sleep in the forest near his village or, more dramatically, inside the Grand Temple that he managed to escape from just in time to save Ratonhnhaké:ton from Charles Lee? Those could work?

(Sidebar: Desmond being a giant snake could also make this a “Desmond is Midgarsormen, one of Loki’s children” idea)

[withloveaugustine]

From Rolling Stone's interview:

"I think the difference between this album and GUTS is that in DAZE, I'm finally in a place where I can process happy emotions and experiences more often than I am experiences that are challenging or...intense. I've definitely had to grapple with fame in the sense that I chose to do this, you know? I could have fallen off after Disney, and just chosen to go do a normal job. Look at Jennifer Stone - she was on what people would've considered one of the It shows of the 2000's, she was with Selena Gomez, and now she's killing it - I mean, sorry, bad choice of words - she's an amazing RN.

And for me, it's like . . . on some level you have to be a little narcissistic to want to be a successful musician. You know? It's one thing to process emotions, relationships, new life experiences, whatever, through a song. Then you just put the journal away. But if you want to be a successful musician, you're pretty much telling people that you think you're amazing and you have this amazing products - your songs - that they should also be invested in, and they should want to support you and here's why. And your music has to stand on its own, because there's not a guarantee they'll follow you on social media to learn more about your music, or see who you are as a person; they're just judging you based solely on your work and that's the introduction they get to who you are.

So for the past two years, it's genuinely fucking crazy that so many people . . . I mean, I was genuinely shocked that so many arenas were sold out, you know? I think it's one thing to see the numbers online, but that's all they are: numbers. Statistics. It's not really tangible. So when I looked out to see arenas full of people of all ages who love my music as much as I do . . . I mean, it makes you so grateful that you get to do what you love every day, and be financially secure at the end of the day. That feeling of financial security - I wouldn't trade it for anything.

But I think when you have such a massive, and massively successful debut album that resonates with people, and you're seventeen, eighteen - I think people forget what it's like to be that young, and a lot of people can't relate to blowing up that way on such a massive scale so young. It can feel really isolating, and it's invasive to have so many people just wanting to . . . it feels like they want to own you, or just crawl inside your body and live there.

It's really hard to figure out how to navigate. Because my success led to me meeting my current partner, who is just so incredible and amazing, and he's just - he's everything I ever dreamed of. My success lets me have financial security, and pay the people who work under me well, and treat my family and friends, and lets me do things I'd never do if I wasn't Olivia Rodrigo The Brand. But like, I'm also Olivia Rodrigo: The Brand, in addition to being my own person, and so that's what makes me feel dazed. I am so in love with the life I'm living, but how long can I maintain it? What if I put out a record that's torn to shreds, or what if I slowly lose relevancy because I accidentally put out a song or an album that's considered junk food music? What if I fuck up the whole trajectory of my life and I can see it so clearly in hindsight? But like, also: what if I don't?"

taglist: @perrieedwards

[missacidburn928s-heathenhideaway]

Bittersweet

Wordcount: 2,412

POC!Reader “Lux” x Walter Marshall

Summary:

Loving a man like Walter Marshall is not for the faint of heart. It's always one step forward and three steps back.I'd leave you, but the rollercoaster's all I've ever had.Yeah, it's one step forward and three steps back.Do you love me, want me, hate me?Boy, I don't understand.No, I don't understand.

Warnings:

18+ Only MDNI. Angst and Feels, Anger, Established Relationship, Complicated Relationships, Memories, Female Character of Color, Implied Sex

Notes:

This fic is heavy inspired by Olivia Rodrigo's "1 step forward, 3 steps back" Lux means light in Latin. Reader is written as someone in their 30s. You are welcome to age her up or down as you so choose. But as a proud woman in her late 30s I wanted this reader to reflect the experience and wisdom that comes with age. *There is no chronological order to the memories* might mess around and make a part two

Banner by @cafekitsune Divider by @firefly-graphics

Called you on the phone today. Just to ask you how you were. All I did was speak normally. Somehow, I still struck a nerve.

That was three days ago.

Three days since I was rushed off the phone with a “I don’t have time for this Lux.” Stated in a bitter, biting tone. Followed by the click of a disconnected call.

Three days since I allowed the venom soaked in those words to paralyze me. Keeping me locked within the walls of my apartment. Uncaring of venturing out into the world at large.

Three days of my hands coated in splatters of paint as I tried to control the chaos of my own mind.

Three days of drowning in my own traitorous thoughts. Flashbacks of important moments filtering through like unedited film. A replay of the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been through all because I love him.

Three days of radio silence while he throws himself deeper into yet another case.

As I feel the dried paint between my fingers begin to crack, I’m inundated with a broadcast of our amorous trials once more.

And maybe in some masochistic way. I kinda find it all exciting. Like, which lover will I get today?

It’s a quaint kind of night. The type where my hips sway to the music playing through the Bluetooth speakers. Quietly humming along to the melody as I manage the pans on the stove.

Walter has gone off to wash the precinct from his skin. Another case closed. Allowing for a small reprieve before he’s at it once again.

I could tell by the sound of his voice when he called this morning to ask me over, that I would be getting the teddy bear version of my man tonight. When he’s all soft and cuddly. Full of warmth and affection. Almost worshipful in the way that he handles me.

I cherish those moments more than most. Selfish in my need to hoard them all for myself. For a man like Walter, who has to constantly be ‘on’ and navigate the world with a hardened exterior. Allowing himself, even for a modicum of time, to feel safe enough to be soft in my presence, is a gift I am forever thankful for.

The gentle patter of bare feet against hardwood can be heard just before a pair of muscular arms wrap themselves around my waist. A smile lights up my face as plush lips connect to the sensitive skin of my neck.

“Mmm. Steak and eggs. Who cares if it’s 7 at night.”

“Well, you left before I could make you breakfast the last time I was over. So I’m making sure this time around your properly fed from the start.”

“I’m not complaining. Especially when you look so comfortable in my kitchen. Domesticity looks good on you, baby. Good to know there’s still softness under all those layers of strength.”

“Such a charmer. You’d be dampening my panties if I had any on.”

He growls in my ear. Hugging me tighter to his broad chest. “Don’t tempt me, darling. Wouldn’t want all this good food to go to waste.”

“Of course not, puppy. The only growls I want to hear are from your chest and not your stomach.” He nips my jaw. “Now go sit down and let me serve you dinner before you ruin your dessert.”

“And what if I want my dessert now?”

“No can do, puppy. But I can offer you an appetizer. Will that suffice?”

“I’m sure it will just make my hunger that much worse.”

“Most definitely.” I turn in his arms. Placing mine around his neck, as I pull him down and finally get the taste of his lips I’ve been craving.

He deepens the kiss. Taking the time to savor me like a fine wine.

“Yeah. I’m going to have to get myself a second helping of that. The flavor is exquisite.”

It's back and forth, did I do something wrong? It's back and forth, maybe this is all your fault.

Tonight the girls and I are at a club as dictated by Jules. Her recent break up affording her the power of deciding what we get up to. I truly have no problem with it. If she wants to dry up her tears with liquor and lose herself in the body of another, who am I to judge.

We’ve finally made it up to the bar to order our first round of drinks when I notice a familiar head of hair bobbing above the crowd.

Before I really have time to process why my boyfriend might be here tonight, he’s standing in front of me.

“Hey.” I cheerily greet him.

“Hi.” He takes hold of my arm. “Come on lets go.” He begins to pull me away from the bar.

I pull out of his grasp. “Why would I leave? I just got here?”

He leans down, whispering in my ear. “Because we’re here following a perp and you match the profile of his preferred victims.”

“Okay. So I’ll be extra careful. I’m not here alone Walter.”

“Lux, I don’t want to argue this right now. I’m technically at work.”

“Then work.”

He quirks his brow and tightens his jaw. The next thing I know he’s throwing me over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry and heading for the back.

“Damnit Walt! Put me the fuck down right now!”

When we clear the backdoor and are in the seclusion of the back alley he finally sets me down.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I grit out.

He just cups my cheeks and kisses me like the world around us doesn’t exist. The look in his eyes when we break apart is one I have never seen before.

“You and Faye are the brightness in my life surrounded by darkness. Sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps me going when things take a turn. I can’t keep stealing your light, baby. One of these days I’m afraid I might just snuff it out.”

“You don’t get to make that decision for me Walter.” I push against his barrel chest. “I do! I get to determine if the risk outweighs the joy. Not you!”

“I don’t want any of it to touch you!”

“That’s not how this works!” I shake my head. “But I’ll give you this. I’ll allow you some space to work through this fear. When you’re sick of sticking to the shadows, you know where to find the light.”

“You’re leaving?”

“That’s what you wanted right?”

“Lux.”

“Don’t.” I exhale. “I’m too embarrassed to show my face back in there. I just want to go home. We can deal with this fear of yours later. You have work to do. Goodnight Walter.”

I kiss him on the cheek and make my way out of the alley into the parking lot. The weight of his protective gaze holds steady until I am safely in my car.

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad.

The incessant ringing of my phone has roused me from my nest of blankets on the couch. Causing me to pause my 90s slasher marathon.

“Hello.”

“Lux. Can you come get me?” A clearly inebriated Faye cries into the phone.

“Of course honey. Where are you?”

“A party at some guys house. My friends dragged me here and then just left without me.” She starts sobbing. “Lux, I’m scared. I don’t know anyone here and I can’t call my dad. I’ve been drinking and he’ll kill me.”

“Shh, shh. It’s ok. I’ll come get you and bring you home. Does you mother know where you are?”

“No.” She whines. “I was sleeping over at my friends house. That’s where she thinks I still am.”

“Ok. Send me a ping so I have your location. I’m coming to get you but I have to call your mother on the way, so she knows what’s going on. I don’t want her to worry. But I promise, I will be the one picking you up okay?”

“O-okay.” She whispers. “Please hurry.”

“Find someplace safe to wait for me.”

I can hear the soft thud of the front door closing through the floorboards of Faye’s bathroom. Soon followed by Walter calling my name.

“Up here!” I yell out.

“Ouch.” Faye slurs. “Too loud. Makes my head throb and my stoma..”

She never finishes that sentence as she leans back over the porcelain and purges herself of her liquid sins once more. Her hair gently held back by my hands.

“Faye?” Walt questions as he stands in the doorframe. “What happened? Why are you here? Are you sick?”

I rub her back and get up from the floor. Grabbing Walter’s hand, I lead him out into the hallway. “She went to a party with her friends, and they left without her. She had a bit too much to drink, so she called me to pick her up.” I inform him.

In a flash his face goes from concerned to pissed off. “You’re not her mother, Lux. You had no right to do that. You should have called me, and I would have handled it.”

“You know what? Fuck you, Walter. She was scared and just wanted a chance to sober up before she had to deal with your wrath. I don’t give a fuck if she’s biologically mine or not. She’s a part of you and I will protect her at all costs. Even from you. So go ahead and be mad. Hate me. I don’t care. She needed me and there was no way I was going to fail her. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go make sure your daughter is okay and get her tucked into bed where I will also be spending the night watching over her. Maybe in the morning you’ll come to your senses.”

I turn to walk back into the bathroom. “Oh, and I called Angie on the way. Didn’t want her wondering where Faye was if she found out she wasn’t still at her friends for the night. She was thankful I was picking her up and bringing her here.”

I step into the bathroom and close the door behind me. Quickly turning on the shower to begin warming up. “Let’s get you cleaned up honey. Then you can knock out in your cozy bed. How’s that sound?”

“Heavenly.” She slurs.

Allowing Faye some privacy, I go to grab clothes from her room to sleep in. The ruckus of cabinets and drawers being slammed in the kitchen can be heard all the way down the hall. I choose to ignore the raging bull causing a ruckus to make good on my promise to Faye.

Walter is just going to have to deal with it.

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand.

The smile that graced my face this morning when I received the text from Walt letting me know he closed the case and to come over for our usual post case dinner and decompression; was megawatt status. This case really took over his life. Even more so than usual. I barely heard a word from him for two weeks.

Receiving that text, knowing he was okay and that I would be seeing him, was a breath of fresh air.

I arrived to his house and let myself in.

It was eerily silent. I thought that maybe I beat Walt home. That is until I stumbled upon his sulking frame on the kitchen floor, slumped against the cabinets. A highball of whiskey clutched tight in his fingers.

“Walt, is everything okay?” I lower myself to the ground to get closer to him. Uncaring of the dress that took me hours to decide on.

“She didn’t survive.” He mumbles out.

“Who?”

“The wife.” He deadpans. “It was a home invasion. They did horrible things to this woman in front of her husband who fought back with everything he had. They both ended up in the hospital. Beds next to each other. Something went wrong. A bleed they didn’t catch, and she lost her life. He had to watch her die and could do nothing about it.”

“Oh, puppy. I’m so sorry. That poor man. Did you get the assholes responsible?”

“Yeah. Young idiots trying to make a name for themselves.”

“Good. Now justice can be served. So what has you so upset?”

He takes a sip of his whiskey. “The husband looked so hollow when I came to tell him we caught the ones responsible for his wife’s death. I’ve seen some horrible things but nothing that will haunt me as much as that look on his face did. It reminded me of what I have to lose. I don’t know why you even put up with me and all the shit I put you through, but I can’t lose you baby. I can’t.” He confesses with tears in his eyes.

On instinct I climb into his lap and begin kissing them away until I land on his downturned lips. Where I place the softest of kisses. Barely a graze.

He sets his whiskey down and places his hand loosely around my throat as he pulls me in for a deeper one.

It quickly turns desperate. His jeans are quickly unzipped, and my underwear are pushed to the side. Simultaneous groans ricochet off the walls as our pelvis’ connect and we being to grind in tortuous pleasure. Succumbing to the need to reenforce our bond to each other.

It’s both loving and painful. Raw and unfiltered. An emotional mess of our demons dancing together before we chase them away to their dark depths once more.

“I love you.” I pant out. “Demons and all.”

It's always one step forward and three steps back. I'd leave you, but the rollercoaster's all I've ever had.

Three days I’ve been stuck in this cycle of despair. Lost to my thoughts. Holding on to memories of him like I may never get the chance to make new ones.

As I finally find the courage to drag myself off the paint-stained drop cloth. Aiming for a hot bath to sooth my aching soul. A frantic set of knocks rattles down the hall from my front door.

I stand stock still in the entry way as a voice filters in.

“Lux! Open the door!” The knocking continues. Followed by a palm hitting the wood and sliding down. “Please.”

[missveryvery]

Would you ever play bg3 as Trelle?

I keep thinking about it.

But you have unlocked something I want to vent/ramble about, anon. Forgive me.

Here's a TMI/depression dump that you can skip if you like to get to the pertinent answer at the bottom.

I, myself, am getting some, idk, ptsd shit from the game from how much trauma they dump on you and how you have to check in on everyone and do things for them and no one is taking care of you or asking about your own shit. I'm in too deep at this point to not finish at least one of my playthroughs but there's different places where characters are really fucking with you in painful ways.

So after I finish one (1) I will need to take a fucking breather before I start another. It can be good to go "ok, do you see the red flags you missed here? All the things that made you uncomfortable that you ignored for affection/attention/"the greater good"/being a team player/"being a good person" etc? Do you see how you could recognize it happening to other characters but not yourself?" in the safety of a game, but the feelings and sensations it brings up are real.

I get really bad nightmares, but the difference between a normal person with nightmares and me is that my brain doesn't "let go" of them the way it's supposed to so I get the trauma without the cleansing benefits of processing that stuff your brain is supposed to do when you sleep. This is why I avoid a lot of content with bad endings or that are just too fucked up or upsetting. I avoid a lot of media period now, I can't finish shows because I'm afraid of how they'll end, that they'll end badly (even just in some unsatisfying way like it's just badly written) and I'll be residually upset for too long.

I did not realize how upsetting this game would be, I thought it would be more "Honor Among Thieves" fun in tone but it's relentlessly heavy, and your "accomplishments" are all "realistic" in a "you can only do so much way". You save the Grove and...horrific things still happen. Some of the people there are still exclusionary pieces of shit. Even Halsin comes to the city and starts going "wow everyone is so shitty to refugees here, maybe the shadow druids were right, this city should be razed to the ground" like my GUY. Your Grove that you led did all the same fucking shit. What are you talking about. Shadow druids would just do all this harder. The fuck are you saying to me.

I don't think there's a way to slap him and point that out?!?

All that said, Trelle could not handle the shit happening in that game. It is Too Much. There were very fucked up things in CH but Rodrigo wouldn't go "there" and definitely wouldn't linger there if he did. She is not built for that. She has fucked up things in her past but there's ways of handling those things in the delivery and part of that is not making it Everything Is This and It is Constant. Like the ratio of Clown Business to Worst Thing You've Ever Heard is different.

That's a big difference between bg3 and an actual dnd game is that the DM can feel out what the players want and adjust. If your DM is good, they are constantly tweaking to make the experience as fun as possible for the group. Sometimes that means your players want more fucked up stuff and less clown, sometimes it's the opposite. Sometimes what they want differs from day to day. Like "ok everyone wants to go shopping, it's shopping day" and sometimes it's "everyone is going to go nuts if they don't fix what's happening".

This all sounds like it's a bad game. It's not. It's a masterpiece of game making and writing. But it's demanding.

NOT TMI ANSWER:

if I "stayed true to the character" trelle would fuck up so bad, she would not be able to beat the beegees, that girl would not survive that experience even if she did somehow complete the bigger goal. Obliterated. Done-zo.

[thesinglesjukebox]

CHAPPELL ROAN - "RED WINE SUPERNOVA"

Next up, submitted by Joshua Lu, some good ol' capital-P Pop!

[6.78]

Joshua Lu: There's two sides to "Red Wine Supernova": a tender paean to a potential lover, and a hoedown about roping someone by promising the raunchiest fuck of her life. Chappell Roan understands how these two ideals can intertwine in your brain, and it's to the song's benefit that it doesn't just flitter between them but instead forces them to coexist. From the sweeping cry of how she doesn't care if she's a stoner, or how her ad libs reveal how she's just as into her boobs as much as her hair, there's a rawness to this love song that makes its grandiosity feel even stronger. And then there's the double entendres -- her being "choked up, face down, burnt out," and of course the wand and the rabbit. This is one of those rare pop song that's immediately thrilling on first listen but gets even juicier when you start peeling away the layers. [10]

Katherine St Asaph: Chappell Roan is perhaps the best pop-for-pop's-sake songwriter working right now; you can tell she's absolutely in love with the form. "Red Wine Supernova" does cheer chants and light yeehawing over the hook from "What's Up" -- just one of the details she gets right: going "supernova" as the melody soars -- with giggly, nervous, immensely likable charm. Kinda over using red wine as a cheap ambiguous metonym, though, and the wand-and-rabbit line is terrible (sorry!) [7]

Rose Stuart: For better or worse, songs about a first gay experience tend to be cutesy and innocent, most often about a first kiss and maybe a quick glance. Roan doesn't bother with beating around the bush, instead balancing a youthful exuberance with mature lyrics. Her backup singers well maintain young adulthood, all but acting like cheerleaders with each call and response. It's an incredibly joyful song, only increased by such wonderful lyrics like "I heard you like magic, I've got a wand and a rabbit" and having to amend your promise of a large bed to "a twin bed and some roommates". "Red Wine Supernova" is the perfect song for being young and in love, ready to be the ending credit song to the next queer coming of age movie. [7]

Alex Clifton: The only sex scene I can remember in the Discworld series notes that the bed springs go "glink." It's doofy and unserious and maybe the most wholesome sex scene I can remember. Chappell Roan is far less subtle than Sir Terry here as she yelps "let's get freaky, get kinky!" but she's got the same sense of fun. Moreover it's infectious -- I can't help but listen with a big, dumb grin, caught up in how much she's enjoying herself. There's a time and a place for purely seductive/erotic stuff, but the glinks are important, too. [8]

Hannah Jocelyn: Chappell Roan is the gay cheer captain; normally, I'm on the bleachers (why are you singing about Mulholland Drive in Manhattan?? what do you MEAN your kink is karma??) but when this doesn't put me off, it makes me smile. Roan's borrowing the right things from Gaga and especially Marina Diamandis -- there's a theatricality and mischief that's immediately endearing to anyone who grew up on pop music actually being poppy. Dan Nigro knows what he has, with acoustic guitar breakdowns and gang vocals straight out of a summer camp's 2009 iPod. The part of the bridge that gets me isn't "I heard you like magic..." but the roommates shouting "Don't worry, we're cool!" The first bit is calculated for SLAY QUEEN TikTok comments, the second part is genuinely relatable and funny. There's a more outrageous version of "Supernova" that's like a sapphic "Darling Nikki" ("she did it right there on the deck!"), but I don't need this to be anything more than it is. [6]

Will Adams: Upon first listen, I had detected a similarity to Olivia Rodrigo. While the most obvious link is Dan Nigro, who co-writes and produces with both, there's also the ~theatre~ energy both Rodrigo and Chappell Roan exude, the idea of hitting every mark right in the name of pop. "Red Wine Supernova" does just that -- it's big and brilliant -- though there are better mission statements from the album. [6]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Not as devastating as "Casual," not as funny as "My Kink is Karma," not as c*** as "Feminomenon," not as anthemic as "Pink Pony Club," but probably the most karaoke-able Chappell Roan track. It feels good to have Midwestern queer representation. [7]

Alex Ostroff: The premise of Amnesty 2K23 makes it feel deeply unfair that most of the best singles off of The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess came out in 2022. I desperately want to rave about her aching situationship song "Casual" or her sugar-rush chronicling of nascent gay college crushes and those tentative moments before you're bold enough to make the leap on "Naked in Manhattan". Or, hell, "Pink Pony Club", the 2020 anthem that got her dropped from her initial record label and simultaneously sent her off in musical and aesthetic directions far more compelling than any of the mopey acoustic material that came before. The remaining singles that immediately preceded Midwest Princess' release tend to be full of call-and-response audience interaction, cheerleader chants (which I wish she relied on less, given how good her ear is for actual sung melodic hooks) and campy weird sonic details -- but less depth and self-interrogation than the audacious initial run that caught my attention. "Red Wine Supernova" peaks in the first verse with "She did it right there out on the deck / Put her canine teeth in the side of my neck", and nothing that follows recaptures that sense of possibility/mystery/danger/lust. The chorus is still incredibly catchy, though, and the sweetly sung "I don't care that you're a stoner" is a delight, and I can guarantee that I'm still going to be randomly absent-mindedly humming it when spring comes around. [8]

Ian Mathers: The #1 song I'm sad I didn't get to blurb here is Chappell Roan's "Casual," an easy [10] that just absolutely blew me away when I heard it. And now her other (for me, so far) [10] is pretty fucking different! Never underestimate the power of just sounding like you're having way more fun than anyone else. (And, sadly, of having seen some shit in the business before you start succeeding.) Also, and I mean this absolutely sincerely, I love that I have lived to see the day when a pop song can just say "you just told me you want me to fuck you/baby, I will 'cause I really want to" and it's just not that big a deal! Like, don't worry about it, people who want to be poetic or coy or suggestive can and will still do that, but sometimes you just wanna get in there. [10]

Claire Biddles: Has any response to a come-on ("Want me to fuck you?") had less rizz than "Baby I will because I really want to" [3]

Taylor Alatorre: I think it's meant to be clever, or camp or something, that she makes her voice get squeaky when she sprechgesangs "Let's make this bed get squeaky." Anything that draws more attention to a line like that is kinda the opposite of clever, though. Gen Z has the right to demand a better Kesha than this. [1]

Oliver Maier: You can't say it ain't fun. Roan's dream of a big bang is suitably extravagant, but the cheerleading and half-rapping is all a bit suffocating. I reserve the right to privately revise my score to an [8] if I hear this at a house party in a few months. [6]

Dorian Sinclair: There's plenty about "Red Wine Supernova" that doesn't totally work for me: Roan struggles to pull off the talk-sung delivery of the bridge, I'm not a huge fan of call and responses, and the ending is way too abrupt. But the track is overflowing with personality and there's a couple of monster melodies packed into the prechorus and chorus, which Roan sells far better than she does the spoken bits. There are songs that have won me over with less. [6]

Nortey Dowuona: Strange: this appears to be a indie folk song then turns into a 1986 pop song instead, then turns back into the indie folk by the chorus, then goes back to 1986 pop again and ends as indie folk. I mean, it sounds good, I'm not complaining, I just want to know what happened. [7]

John S. Quinn-Puerta: I wish it leaned more into the vampirism, but with its bar ready beat, its puffy bass, and its written to be screamed chorus and bridge, I can't fault it for much beyond a slight lack of imagination. [7]

David Moore: Just finished watching the rebooted She-Ra as part of my family's Sunday evening pizza and TV ritual. It is, like most quality children's programming these days, openly queer and much better than it needs to be. (Not sure if this is causal or if it just reflects a more interesting group of people writing the shows. Might be both.) It was a hit, natch, and everyone but me saw the OTP from a mile away, though the older kid had questions about the nature of platonic versus romantic love afterward, and only tentatively accepted the rhetorical shrug that the She-Ra reboot demands. My kids are thoughtful about this kind of stuff, but they aren't overthinking it. Partly this comes from us, but a lot of it doesn't: the capital-C culture really is better for their brains and bodies and souls than it used to be. They insist that anthropomorphic animal toys should really be referred to as they/them (because how would you know?); they are perplexed by the narrow-mindedness of the few kids who still insist, in sepia tones of unenlightened boorishness, that boys shouldn't wear nail polish; I overhear fourth graders playing baseball and responding to someone taunting "you throw like a girl" with "what does gender have to do with anything?" I see the relative ease with which they navigate all of it and think, is it really possible that my '90s childhood was more like my parents' '50s childhood than it was like the present? Which is all to say that I bet my kids, like me, would listen to this Chappell Roan song three times without giving a second thought as to what it's "about." But for them it wouldn't just be because they were a little bored and didn't pay attention to any of the words. We'd all agree it was a [6], but from worlds apart. [6]

Brad Shoup: The lyric wants to go about 10 different places; the arrangement can't quite get into formation (the instrumental cutout on the chorus should've been saved for the end if, you know, we're making pop). But the assemblage is as eager to please as the narrator, and the way she goes for it, rapping and smartass Greek chorus and magic jokes included, legit makes me tear up. [9]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: My one good musical deed of note was introducing my bisexual friend from Ohio to Chappell Roan. This is very fun but I truly am too Californian to have anything useful to say about it, sorry! [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[pies-posts]

Disclaimer!!

The story is fiction. There is no intention to put the perspective or reference to this song. This is a pure piece of mind.

All the student gathered in the room where the science class held. I'm in the same group with Luke. He gives away the gummy bear and snack for anyone in exchange to back him up from the group works. At first, I feel like he's a burden for us until one day when we need to buy stuff for our experiment, he provides our group everything that we need. At the end our project is finished and got a good score.

We have little to none of interaction despite we're being in the same group of study. Before Maria asked him to join our party in the nearest cafe, Luke has never been in any group of friends. He always went out with his friends in another class. This was the first time we're this close. We had a good conversation and it's all flowing.

On the next day, we meet again at the cafeteria. He called my name, "Lucy." Somehow, it punches me in the throat. My heart is jumping only to hear my name come out of his mouth. He smirks and follows me to the table. Then he teased me with the fake bugs which it was terrified me. I'm so irritating but, he looks attractive whenever he laughs.

The relationship is growing. Sharing the same taste in music and food. I'm so cherishing our bond. Tough, sometimes he put chilli powder into my soup, even being all chaotic and witty. Sometimes, we fight like a cat and our friends would be our middleman. They thought Luke and I were the worst enemy.

Until one day, I find a chocolate bar on my desk. Shanty looks around making sure to find who's the one puts it here. Jerry, Leah, and Shawn denied it when she asked about it. It might be someone leaves this out here. But, there's a blue note underneath the chocolate. I take it and read it. And it's an encouraging message with so much admiration, there's even cute little heart in it. Shanty tries to match the handwriting with all the boys in the class. Then it's turned out to be Hendrick's. Both of us are startled, we look at each other eyes in disbelief.

We've shut it, to prevent getting caught. I don't even have the nerve to meet Hendrick even though Shanty asked me to act normally. "But how? Can Hendrick act normal as well?" I blabbered in my head. Hendrick saw us in the parking lot while Shanty held me from running away. I can't act calmly just because she says so. Again, it's weird because Hendrick approached us just like the other day as if nothing happened. Then Luke follows after him and gets closer, saying the most horrible stuff on my face. I turn pale and Shanty bawls her eyes off. "He knew it."

Since that day I refuse to talk to both Hendrick and Luke. I couldn't even stand sitting around them. It seemed to bring Luke to realization and rethink what he did to me. Luke tailed me when I was about to get back home. He and Dave offered to send me home, I was hesitant but Luke wanted to talk about yesterday's event that he feels sorry about. We're walking side by side while Dave plays with his baseball far behind. He explained it carefully to get me to comprehend the whole situation. We're drawn into the conversation. I can't hide my smile a whole road.

Only 1 block away to my home but, I'm not ready to let this moment go. Unable to catch anything he said since I'm too down bad on him, still proceed what was happening. Then we're arrived in front of my house. Before he leaves, he tells me the truth behind the chocolate bar incident.

After we walked through the street, he finally addressed it. It was him all these times. The one who prepared it. He used Hendrick's handwriting. I'm puzzled up for a second until he confesses his feeling. With one choco bar in his hand, he just handed it to me, demanded the answer. With so much confidence, I accept it. It feels like a fresh air surounding, and we're still going afloat. Can't control his excitement he's kinda trambled. The warm in my face is rushing to my ears. I got reddish just to digest everything at once. I can't even see it's coming.

He gets going with undefined excitement ih his face. We're just can't wait for tomorrow. My first date comes earlier, gives me the first beautiful moment that I have never been lived before.

[abhishekinfotech]

The Home Doctor: A Comprehensive Guide to Practical Medicine

The Home Doctor: Your Guide to Self-Care and Home Remedies

In today's fast-paced world, access to urgent medical care is not always guaranteed. This is where the concept of "Home Doctor" comes into vogue. It is not only convenient to be prepared for solutions to common health problems in your home; It can be life-saving. In this comprehensive guide, we'll explore the world of practical medicine for every household, providing valuable insights and tips to ensure you can handle common health concerns with confidence.

What is The Home Doctor?

Home Doctor is a book created to help individuals by providing home-based treatment. The book contains important information that you or your loved one can use and get instant relief from diseases that can be treated at home. It is a well-known fact that modern medicine is made of artificial materials, is expensive, and affects your health for years. The Home Doctor - Practical Medicine for Every Household The book has approximately 300 pages and includes practical tips, diagrams, and step-by-step instructions that can come in handy when needed for you or your loved ones. This book is extremely useful for staying in good health, as many testimonials agree. The home doctor is worthy of an effort and a guide every household should have. The home doctor system is worth all your money, attention, and reading time as it contains important information on all kinds of diseases and treatments. Click Here To Learn More About The Home Doctor

Who is Dr. Maybell Nieves?

Dr. Mabel Nieves is the founder of the Home Doctor book. Dr. Mabel Nieves - Head Surgeon of the Breast Pathology Unit and General Surgeon at Caracas University Hospital in Venezuela, has more than 10 years of experience in the operating room. He studied at the prestigious European Institute of Oncology in Milan, Italy. Dr. Mabel is known for developing new, simple ways to treat patients after Venezuela's economy collapsed and hospitals and pharmacies ran out of medicines, supplies, electricity, and running water. The method developed and pioneered by them is now studied and applied in conflict zones around the world. You can find some of these methods below! As you read them, you can easily understand why they are so useful and why every household and family should have them. He co-authored the book with Dr. Rodrigo Alterio and Claude Davis.

Glimpse of The Home Doctor Book

This book is a unique guide for the layman that you can use when you are not getting help or to manage common ailments that don't require seeing a doctor. The "Home Doctor Book" is a functional medication for each family. This is a book uncommonly intended for disengaged clients and contains all the data expected to analyze and treat normal diseases at home. The home specialist likewise incorporates a rundown of normal drugs and their purposes that you ought to purchase to save your loved ones.

Understanding the Need for Home Medical Solutions

In an era where health uncertainties are rife, access to accurate medical information and essential supplies is paramount. Many minor health problems can be solved at home with the right guidance and resources. This is where "The Home Doctor" steps in. What if you're in a situation where you can't call a doctor or go to the hospital? Or what happens when your mother has a medical emergency and you're stuck in a storm with no phone signals and clean streets? Finding yourself in such situations is worrisome and dangerous for your health. However, a home doctor can help in such situations. It is a book that can provide many services in the absence of ambulances, running water, medical supplies, electricity, and other essentials.

Need of The Home Doctor

"The Home Doctor" is more than just a product - it's a home health companion. It is designed to provide individuals and families with the tools they need to confidently deal with common health concerns. Features and Benefits of Home Doctor - Comprehensive Medical Information: access to a plethora of medical knowledge at your fingertips. - First Aid Guidance: Learn how to respond effectively to injuries and emergencies. - Symptom Investigator: Identify possible health conditions and appropriate steps to be taken. - Telemedicine Services: Connect with medical professionals sitting from the comfort of your home. - Medication Tracking: Keep an eye on medications and get timely reminders. - Health Tips: Get practical advice for promoting wellness and disease prevention. Get It Now The Home Doctor

The Biggest Mistakes You Can Make in a Blackout

In Venezuela, electricity has become a rare and unpredictable commodity. They don't have it all the time, and blackouts have become a normal part of daily life. Inside the home doctor, you'll also learn about the biggest medical mistakes you can make in blackouts and what to do with important medications like insulin or Humira that require refrigeration.

How to Recognize a Heart Attack and What to Do Next

Look at its four typical symptoms: First, chest discomfort that feels like uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness, and pain in the middle of the chest that lasts longer than a few minutes. The second symptom is discomfort or pain in one or both arms and in your back, neck, jaw, or abdomen. The third symptom is breathlessness. The last thing you need to pay attention to is cold sweats, nausea, and dizziness.

The Home Doctor Book Heart Symptoms Guide

The Home Doctor Book They don't all come together, but if you see even one or two, it's time to call 911. Another step you can take to improve your chances before the ambulance arrives is to chew aspirin and put a vial of nitroglycerin under your tongue. But both of these things should already be at home.

What Happens When You Take Expired Medications

No country in the world has had to use such an expired drug more than Venezuela. Dr. Mabel and other doctors were able to see what happens directly, and this is almost guaranteed to surprise you: most medications in your medicine cabinet stay good for years after their expiration date; Which medication is safe to take after the expiration date and which is not. Therefore, pay attention to this chapter before throwing away your so-called "expired" medication.

The Only 4 Antibiotics People Should Stockpile

Modern antibiotics are lifesaving. Without these, a simple cold can rapidly turn into fatal pneumonia, and infection in a small wound can become life-threatening. I have chosen to collect 4 different antibiotics only for this reason and I want to show you how you can do this… Legally, without a medical prescription. They contain specific substances that act very differently, so it may be that you stumble upon a bacteria that is resistant to any one of them but are much less likely to encounter its four. Once rare, antibiotics will become invaluable in times of need. Having these 4 in the house for you and your family is at least as important as having a stock of food. But under no circumstances should you consume them without consulting a doctor.

The Best Natural Painkiller That Grows in Your Own Backyard

Another thing you'll discover is the best natural pain reliever that probably grows in your own backyard. This is a pain-relieving plant that many Venezuelans turned to when they could not find relief in the pharmacy, and it also grows throughout North America.

Best Natural Painkiller - The Home Doctor book guide

An Ingenious Way to Stockpile Prescription Medicines, Including Insulin

I'll also show you how to deal with a shortage of medications like insulin, which some people need to take every day. A friend of mine from Texas has found a solution and he is able to get all the insulin he needs daily and even extra for storage. Their unique method is completely legal and safe. You can start using it immediately not only for insulin but also for some other medicines that are extremely difficult to store. Get It Now The Home Doctor

How to Quickly Recognize a Stroke and The First Thing YOU MUST DO IMMEDIATELY Afterward

Time is very important in dealing with stroke and every second counts. If you act quickly, most of the time your body can fully recover. Alternatively, many people become partially paralyzed or reach an even worse condition. Inside the home doctor, you'll find the fastest way you can identify it and one thing you should do right away to improve your chances.

What Happens if You Take the Wrong Probiotics

The only probiotics you really need to keep in your medicine cabinet. Probiotics are microorganisms that live inside your gut and affect your metabolism and overall health. They can also cause allergies. Their effects are so widespread that you won't want to take the wrong probiotics and risk spoiling your gut flora. I personally know people whose poor probiotics led to a lot of weight gain from taking them. A good probiotic, on the other hand, can make all the difference: it can improve your digestion, help you get rid of gas, absorb the maximum amount of good nutrients from the food you eat, and take care of both diarrhea and constipation. Get It Now The Home Doctor

A Simple “At-Home” Method for the Flu and Other Respiratory Issues

During the flu season, many people arrive at the hospital with a high fever and cough. So one of the things I want to give you is that if it is not possible to go to the hospital then there is a simple protocol to deal with it at home.

A Step-by-Step Approach to Deal With Almost Every Skin Injury and Condition

In Chapter 3, Skin and Skin Appendages, you'll know everything you need to know about managing skin conditions, such as corns, warts, athlete's foot, burns and bruises, dermatitis, fungal infections of nails, insect bites, etc. Stings boil, ulcers, or open wounds… You'll also find out why you should apply egg whites on second-degree burns, what over-the-counter medications and creams to freeze, and the exact process of cleaning, sewing, and treating open wounds at home.

The Unnoticed Symptom That May Point to an Internal Inflammation

You will also learn about the lesser-known signs of the body that tell you whether there is hidden inflammation inside your body at this time.

The 1-Minute Stretch That Relieves Most Back and Neck Pains

You'll know how I deal with my back problems. Until I got this one-minute stretch routine, I would often get up like a hump and barely get to the bathroom. And normally it would take me several hours to get working again. If this sounds familiar to you, you should learn this simple step.

A Natural DIY Antibiotic Salve Recipe to Keep Around

It's good to have an antibiotic ointment with you when you need it. The prescription found inside the home doctor protects the wound from getting infected and helps to reduce the wound.

How to Perform a Complete Breast Exam at Home

A woman should know how to find out if there is something wrong with her breasts. The sooner you find out something, the better your recovery will be.

Woman hand checking lumps on her breast for signs of breast cancer on gray background. Healthcare concept. The Home Doctor Book Guide

The Home Doctor Book. Hard cover book mock up isolated on soft gray background. 3D illustrating. That's why I'll show you a simple set of diagrams and instructions that you can follow to relax your mind. Dr. Mabel proved this method while working for two years at the prestigious European Institute of Oncology in Milan, Italy.

How to Use Leeches Medicinally Just Like Folks 100 Years Ago

Have you ever heard of zonk being used as a medicine? They are highly effective and easy-to-use measures to prevent a wound from ripening and heal faster unless you are in a hurry. Another thing they're good for is high blood pressure. Because they reduce the amount of blood flow, they also reduce the stress on your arteries.

They are highly effective and easy-to-use measures to prevent a wound from ripening and heal faster unless you are in a hurry.

An Ingenious Eggshell Remedy and 25 Others Made from Things People Usually Throw Away

Along with this, you'll also find 25 treats made from things you usually throw away. As they say, one man's trash is another man's treasure. For example, you can turn the eggshells you throw away into calcium tablets, which will be of great use when there is a shortage of food or when there is a shortage of food.

How to Take Care of Toothaches and Mouth Infections When You Can’t Visit a Dentist

Have you ever had a very bad toothache that isn't going away? Dental infections can quickly become a problem, so you'll want to know how to take care of it properly.

The Best Way to Tell if an Arrhythmia Is Benign or Dangerous

Some changes in heart rate and rhythm are normal during sleep, physical activity, and moments of stress. But at other times, irregular heart rhythms, or arrhythmias, can be a serious problem that, if left untreated, can lead to heart failure and stroke. The way you decide it's time to call 911 is by looking at the symptoms of dangerous arrhythmias, which never manifest in mild forms. These are shortness of breath, dizziness, dizziness, almost fainting or fainting, and mild chest pain. If you think your heart is beating too fast or too slow and experience at least one of these symptoms, call an ambulance right away. Get It Now The Home Doctor

How to Remove an Ingrown Nail

You will also learn how to remove the enlarged nail on the inside. In a situation where it is difficult to get medical help, if you do not remove the enlarged nail inside it can cause serious infection.

How to Know What’s Wrong if You’ve Got Abdominal Pain

Also, you will know what to do if you have pain in your stomach. This is called an abdominal evaluation, and you've probably gone through it before you go to the doctor for a check-up. Inside the home doctor, you'll have a complete diagram with nine parts of the abdomen, which, upon a snack, will know where the problem lies.

Are Your Migraines Hiding Something More Serious?

You will learn which two types of migraines are most common and which migraine you have and how you need to do simple but necessary things to identify how to get rid of it. Especially if it happens repeatedly, like once a month, you need to read this chapter. It can also be a sign of something you shouldn't ignore.

How to Deal with Injuries Caused During Social Unrest

You will also learn how to deal with common wounds caused by violent protesters and rioters. As a surgeon in Venezuela, Mabel treated possibly more such wounds than many doctors in other parts of the world during his entire career. We are also no strangers to such incidents, so I say it's best to be prepared.

What Doctors Do to Keep Their Immunity High

You'll also learn how to keep your immune system healthy. You will learn about the things that doctors do to keep your immunity high after coming into close contact with sick people and things that you can also do at home to protect your family. Get It Now The Home Doctor

Empowering Self-Care with Expertise

"The Home Doctor" empowers users to take responsibility for their health by providing expert guidance for self-care. From the resolution of minor injuries to the management of chronic conditions, this product provides the knowledge needed to make informed decisions.

Comprehensive Medical Information at Your Fingertips

Imagine having a comprehensive medical encyclopedia available whenever you need it. "The Home Doctor" provides a huge database of medical information, ensuring that you have a good knowledge of various health topics.

Building Your Home First Aid Kit

A well-equipped first aid kit is a must for every household. This section will guide you in creating a kit that is ready to effectively address minor injuries and accidents.

Addressing Common Ailments with Confidence

Feeling unwell but unsure whether it is necessary to go to the doctor? Read the full article

[theanimewriter]

hihi its me again i have an idea for a scenario ( Deja vu ~ ) Soo basically I'm thinking of a chapter in the manga ( this one -> Ch 218 : Mom and Dad's kiss) where basically the shuuko (komi sans mom) and masayoshi (i think) try to kiss but got caught by masa's mom (komi sans grandmother) so what if it also happened to shousuke and the one who caught him is also his mom (a great little thing in the end is where the mom thinks of it and is like "ahh how familliar" or like deja vu? - 06/12/2022

I know you get Deja vu!

pairing: gn!reader x Shousuke Komi

genre:Fluff

Warning: Slight embarrassment!

Summary: You and Shousuke had evening going out for about a month or so.Still the two of you didn’t even have your first kiss yet.This is the day you both share that experience.(Let’s just hope that no one would interest you two.)

It has been so long since you went on your first date with Shousuke and after everyone found out that you two were dating,it has turn out ok in the end and everyone has gotten used to it.

Unfortunately,there is one problem that you two face (Mostly Shousuke) and that would be Hitomi.She’s the one that bugs you two and teasers your guys relationship.She mostly mocks Shousuke for able to get such a good-looking and amazing person such as yourself to be all his.I mean-who would she been if she didn’t mess with her little bro.

Lately,she has been more persistent towards Shousuke than ever before. Shousuke was sitting at his desk and when the bell finally rings to tell everyone it was time for lunch.Of course,everyone try to ask Shousuke to join them and as always he just walked away.Why would be have lunch with them,when he can have lunch with you.

Right before Shousuke was able to meet up at your spot that you two usually are together,Hitomi was able to catch up to him.(pray for Shousuke) “HEY! Little bro.” Hitomi wrap her arm around Shousuke’s shoulders.”Where are you heading to?” Hitomi said in a joyous voice of hers.All Shousuke did was stare at her and walked away.

“Aww,come on! Why are you being on moody?” Then it hit Hitomi of why he wants to leave faster than normal, “OH!~~~ You just want to see your little lover,don’t you~” Hitomi can’t help but mock Shousuke every time he wants to see or be near you.

Then Hitomi randomly asked, “Can I join you two?” Then there was about two minutes of Shousuke and Hitomi standing there.When this happens,Shousuke just gives up after a while,but strangely enough-he’s not doing that.

Hitomi was a bit confused at first than she got an idea and said “I get it.You must want Y/N all to yourself so you two can make out or something,ya?” That Hitomi for you,putting things so bluntly without realizing it.

Wildey when Hitomi took another look at Shousuke after she made her joke,she saw how red he looked.Well-his whole face wasn’t red, but rather the tip of his ears are.(This is Shousuke we are talking about.)

When she saw that,she couldn’t help but make it all the more worse for him.”What~~Are you trying to say you two still didn’t kiss?Even through you been together for so long?!Poor Y/N,I bet they been having to wait so long for you to man up,HuH!!~~”

All Shousuke could do was stand there are suffer for whatever time that Hitomi was teasing the hell out of Shousuke,just for not kissing their lover.Plus,he also miss way of lunch with you and Hitomi join him and you anyway.(much to Shousuke distaste)

<<<<<<<<~~~~~~~~~~(❍ᴥ❍ʋ)~~~~~~~~~~~~<<<<<<

After school has ended,Shousuke took you to his house, where you two spent your afternoon in his room.

You did notice how strange Shousuke was acting.He was more fidgety than he should be and nervous or maybe uncomfortable? It’s hard to tell because he never been like this around you.

To Shousuke,he has evening wanting to kiss you,these just one problem;he doesn’t know how to ask or do it without feeling out of place.It’s his first time have a lover and let alone kissing them,so it a little strange for him.

So now,Shousuke has been starring at you for about an half hour and it’s getting more intense as time goes on.”uh…Shousuke is something wrong?” All Shousuke did was stare more but it did look like he want to say something…or maybe do something.

You have been with Shousuke for a long time so you know what he wants just from a look and he has been doing it for a while now,so…”Shousuke,do you want to kiss?”

That took Shousuke by surprise but nevertheless the less agree to it with a nod.

“Alright then.” Rather if you were nervous or confident it was still a lot to kiss a boy such as him.

You and Shousuke sat on the floor in front of each other.He grab you by the shoulders, while you held his waist and when you did that you did feel him shiver a little.

“Are you ready Shousuke?”

All Shousuke did was swallow and hummed to Indicate that he wanted to do this and was more than ready to go through with it.

Just as you started to lean in and getting close enough to feel his breath and smell his lovely sent,you and him heard the door open.

“Huh?” Was all that Shuuko (Shousuke mom) had said when she saw you two.All she did was smile and said, “I’m sorry for interrupting,I just wanted to bring you two some snack but I see you both need some alone time~ Remember don’t get to carry away~” Shuuko chuckle and then put the drink down on Shousuke desk and left you two be.

After she left you and Shousuke agree to kiss only if the door is locked or you two are alone for sure.(A very traumatizing experience for the both of you.)

ఌఌఌ bonus ఌఌఌ ▼・ᴥ・▼ఌఌఌ scene ఌఌఌ

“Yes and then I walk on them when they were about to kiss!”

“Really!how cute.”

Shuuko was talking to her sister-in-law (Ryouko) about what she saw today of what you and Shousuke was doing or about to do.

“You know that reminded me when I was younger,like how mom (Masayoshi mom) walked in on us trying to kiss as well.I was so embarrass that I couldn’t even explain what was happening.” 

“It really is cute,I guess it runs in the family~” Ryouko snickered.

“Hahahah, I guess it does~oh my,it’s like deha vu.” Shuuko said.

Truly it was very nostalgic to see that again,even through it may have embarrass the both of her son and soon to be child-in-law,but it was fun to remember how fun it was for her back then.



[heyyyharry]

Deja Vu (part 2 of 'Drivers License')

(inspired by deja vu by Olivia Rodrigo)

Word count: 2.5k

Read part 1 here

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.

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“What the fuck is this?”

Harry flinched as his girlfriend shoved the phone at him. He’d just got out of the shower, hair still dripping wet, but it wasn’t so out of the ordinary that she would start a fight first thing in the morning.

He sighed and gently pushed her phone away from his face. “Baby, if it’s another rumour about me cheating on you...I was with you this whole week!”

“No.” She lifted the phone up to his face again. “That girl just released another song about you.”

Even though Harry didn’t let it show, whenever he heard about Y/N, his heart would always skip a beat. He couldn’t remember exactly when the last time they’d spoken was, but he knew in his last message to her, he’d congratulated her on that new song about him. She’d never replied, and he’d taken it as the answer — they could never go back to the way it was.

It had broken his heart to listen to ‘drivers license’. Y/N had never been the kind of person to be vocal about her feelings. Or maybe she’d expressed it through actions instead of words, and he had been too nonchalant to see? He hadn’t meant to break her heart and leave her in the dust. After all, she used to be his best friend.

“Y/N’s a songwriter. She writes about her own experience the same way I do. Maybe that song is not even about me, babe,” he calmly told his girlfriend, who was standing in front of him with fresh tears in her eyes. He hated to see her cry, and he hated that this wasn’t the first time she’d done it because of him. He tried to reach for her but she stepped back, shaking her head.

“Listen to the song.”

“Baby.”

“Listen to the song,” his girlfriend repeated without looking at him. “Why are you so afraid?”

“I’m not.”

“Then listen to it and tell me it’s not about you, and that she’s not throwing shades at me. I’m so tired of this girl telling the world about how horrible we are as if you had even dated her in the first place—”

“Fine,” Harry exhaled sharply, his eyes pinched shut. He hated that when his girlfriend got mad, she would get so mean for no reason, and the last thing he wanted to hear right now was her insulting Y/N. He knew Y/N. She had always been respectful to his new relationship. However, he wasn’t in the position to tell his girlfriend how to feel about this situation. He knew it was all his fault, so he stayed quiet, took the phone from his girlfriend and sat down on the edge of the bed. His girlfriend stood with her back against the wall facing him, waiting for him to play the song so she could see his reaction to it.

“Go on,” she told him, her voice emotionless.

Harry looked at the song on Spotify. It was titled deja vu. He took a deep breath and one last look at his girlfriend before finding enough courage to press play.

Y/N’s previous song about him had been blasted in every shop he’d visited, all the time when he was filming, every time he was in the car, and now, the moment he heard her voice again, it really did feel like deja vu.

Car rides down Malibu

Strawberry ice cream

One spoon for two…

.

.

.

“Are we there yet?”

“No, stop being so impatient! Just keep on driving!” Y/N said and looked out of the window on the passenger side. The sun was going down, and the horizon was gradually turning the colour of an egg yolk. It was their last day in Miami. They had been filming for every day that week, and this was the only day they could spend just for themselves.

Harry stole a glance at Y/N and saw that she’d finished half the strawberry ice cream while bobbing her head to the song Uptown Girl on the radio. He frowned, making her laugh when she noticed.

“Open your mouth,” she said and fed him a spoon of ice cream.

“Ahh, brain freeze!”

“But it’s good, isn’t it?”

“So good.” Harry licked his lips. The face he made got Y/N laughing harder.

Fifteen minutes later they arrived at a secluded beach. Y/N had found this place when she traveled to this city alone two summers ago and almost got lost.

Together, she and Harry carried their picnic things through a palm forest, and by the time they saw the ocean, the moon had made a fading presence on the pink Miami sky.

Y/N picked up her shoes and ran towards the waves, letting it chase her back into Harry’s arms and nearly knocking him over. Their laughter echoed in the wind as their shadows stretched out long and lanky on the empty beach. In that very moment, it felt to Harry as if they were the only people in this world, and he had a sense of peace that he might never be able to experience again.

“You don’t get to see this in the city,” Y/N said dreamily as she pulled Harry’s jacket tighter around herself. It was dark now, and the sky above them was full of stars. They sat shoulder to shoulder on a picnic blanket, listening to the whispers of the ocean and the wind. Harry used Y/N’s jacket as a blanket because it was too small for him to put on. They’d laughed for five minutes straight when she told him he looked like that monkey from Aladdin and took plenty of photos just to prove the point.

“I don’t want to leave tomorrow,” he said, still looking at the sky.

“Me neither,” Y/N sighed, her shoulder brushing his. There was a pause, and he could feel her eyes on him, so he turned and saw her looking. “When I get home,” she said with a small smile that made her eyes sparkle, “I’ll learn to drive, and when we come to Miami next time, I can drive you to this beach.”

“I’d love that,” Harry said, then made her pink-promise him.

.

.

.

“They went to Miami last week.”

Y/N blinked. The beach and starry sky disappeared in a second, and she found herself once again standing in the fitting room with her stylist and best friend.

“What?” her best friend marched over to where she stood in front of the full-length mirror.

Her stylist was holding the phone up to show her the article. “Here. Harry took that actress to Miami last week.”

“Don’t show her these!” Y/N’s best friend grabbed the phone and put it on the vanity desk as she gestured to the stylist. “You do your work. Enough chit-chatting.”

“I took him there,” Y/N said. She didn’t even recognise her own voice at first because she was too in shock. She didn’t think Harry would do something like that. But let’s be honest -- how much did she really know about him?

It had been a few months since his last text to her, which she had ignored, and now her song had been overplayed, and nobody cared about the drama anymore. The whole world had moved on, and she had, too. Or so she’d thought. Now, seeing these pictures of him and his girlfriend on that Miami beach made Y/N feel betrayed.

“Asshole,” her best friend said and grabbed her shoulders. “Don’t worry baby. You’re prettier.”

Y/N worked up a smile and opened her mouth to say that she was fine, but then she heard someone call her name and turn around. They weren’t calling for her. Just a name similar to hers that had become an inside joke between her and her friends.

The moment she locked eyes with Harry’s girlfriend, her heart seemed to stop as she held her breath, her lips thinned as if to hold back a scream. She didn’t know the girl personally and had never run into her before today. How unfortunate that they had to be in the same room after Y/N had seen those Miami pics.

“What is she doing here?” Y/N’s best friend asked the stylist the question Y/N was too afraid to ask.

“Fitting for an event, I guess,” the stylist said.

Y/N told them to just ignore the others and mind their own business. The sooner they got the measurements, the faster she could leave. Or she could leave right now and come back another day, but that would make it look like the other girl’s presence was bothering her. They were both actresses, and so they would have to run into each other at some point. She must be professional about it. This was normal. Just act normal.

“He’s so unique,” Harry’s girlfriend said while laughing with her team. Y/N didn’t mean to overhear the conversation, but apparently, the girl was making sure that Y/N heard her loud and clear. “We were watching reruns of Glee last night, and he even sang to me and told me he loved me inbetween the chorus and the verse. Don’t touch the jacket! It’s Harry’s and it’s Gucci. We exchange jackets sometimes. Isn’t that adorable?”

“Show off,” Y/N’s best friend scoffed while shaking her head.

Y/N didn’t say anything. In her mind, she agreed with her best friend for a second and immediately felt that she was being petty so she forced herself to just be nonchalant about it.

She could not. She could not ignore the fact that she’d been replaced as if she didn’t matter. Harry was doing all the things he used to do with her with his new girl. Even taken her to that Miami beach. Their place.

Y/N bit her lip and tried to hold back the half-formed tears in her eyes as the stylist went on talking about the fabric. She chose a random one just to get this over with.

“I hope that fucker gets deja vu.”

“What?” Y/N blinked at her best friend, who gave a mean shrug as she glared at the girl.

“He’s probably thinking of you while doing all that shit with her.”

Y/N pondered over it. Over and over. Even after the girlfriend’s laughter had faded down the hallway, and Y/N was also packing up to leave the studio. Her best friend’s words stayed with her as she got into the car and watched the street of London pass by her window.

That night, when she was alone in her living room with her piano. She sat down and started playing a few experimental chords. Then, she cried. Her tears blurred the handwritten lyrics on her notebook as she tried again.

“I have this idea,” she told her manager on the phone before sending the recording. It was three in the morning.

“Oh my god,” her manager exclaimed, sounding much more enthusiastic than he had when picking up her call. “This song...is so gonna win a Grammy!”

.

.

.

Y/N’s song had won a Grammy.

They had talked about it for so long. Harry had encouraged her to pursue a singing career, because she’d started out as an actress but was blessed with the most beautiful voice he had ever heard.

Ironic, wasn’t it? Now he was sitting at the front row and looking up at her as she received the award from an artist she looked up to, for the song written about him. She smiled at the crowd as the light shone on her and everyone was cheering because she deserved this. She said her thanks and expressed her gratitude to her family, her teams and her fans. She didn’t say his name. He hadn’t hoped that she would, because he knew there was no way his name would come with a positive message. So he was kind of glad she hadn’t mentioned him.

His girlfriend squeezed his arm as if she knew what he was thinking of. He smiled at his girlfriend. A smile of reassurance. They had put it behind them and promised to try again after all the fights about the song they were playing right now. Nothing would change after tonight. Because there was nothing Harry could change.

He caught Y/N’s eyes for one brief moment as she ascended the stage. Although he was sure he loved his girlfriend, there was something about that look that made him sad. Would he be happier to come here with Y/N tonight instead of his girlfriend? He wouldn’t know, because that would never happen. He didn’t even know if she still resented him, or if she was still the same person he remembered. A lot could change in a day let alone many months. And it was scary to think someone you used to know so much had become a complete stranger. The opposite of love wasn’t hate. It was indifference. And Harry felt it deeply as Y/N never paid him a second glance.

At the after-party, he worked up the courage to approach her when he found her standing alone texting on her phone.

“Hi. How are you?” he said.

Y/N looked at him as if she couldn’t understand English. If she ignored him and walked away, this would be the most humiliating moment of his life.

But no. She pressed her lips into a gentle smile and said, “I’m good. How are you?”

“Good.” He nodded, wanting to shake her hand, but his fingers stayed glued together behind his back. “Congratulations on your win.”

“Thank you.” She picked up the glass of wine on the table beside them, and Harry knew he’d lost his chance of shaking her hand tonight. “Did you like the song?”

“Yeah. It was good,” he said, finding it difficult to hold eye contact with her. There was something new about her that unsettled him, and he couldn’t pinpoint what it was. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For speaking out about it.”

“Oh.” Y/N showed no emotion as she shrugged. “It’s alright. I only said the truth. The song was fictional, and I don’t want anyone to get hate for it.”

They both knew it wasn’t true, and he couldn’t tell her that his girlfriend had almost broken up with him for it. Even if he had told her that, he didn’t think Y/N would care. She didn’t look like the Y/N he knew anymore. Suddenly, he recalled that night on the beach, when she was still looking at him with feelings.

“Look, Y/N, I—”

Before he got a chance to form a proper thought for what he was going to say, his girlfriend, who was obviously drunk, shouted from somewhere behind him. “Babe, Jeff’s wearing a tiny jacket! He looks more like the monkey than you!”

Harry looked at Y/N. She held his gaze. The corners of her red lips quirked as she raised her glass. “Deja vu?”

Just like that, she left him standing there all by himself.

[juniorgman187]

Spoiled Rotten (Reid Fic)

Summary: After Spencer went radio silent on Reader while he was in prison, their pride and stubbornness threatens to tear them apart forever. Reader’s forced to mourn the death of who they were and experience the inner turmoil of navigating who they are.

A/N: Y’all are gonna kill me for the ending, but it’s one hell of a way to go.  Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid Category: Angst Content Warning: Imprisonment, humiliation, abandonment, anger, frustration, angst, yelling, fighting Word Count: 5.3k Playlist: Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo

Time jumps are indicated by “. . .” or “_ _ _”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

A rather unfortunate predicament we’ve found ourselves in tonight. I can’t say I’ve ever been quite this uncomfortable in my life, yet I’m careful not to speak too soon. Because I know the second Spencer opens his mouth to break the silence we’re currently sitting in, I’ll stand corrected. 

“You’re breathing really hard,” He tells me out of nowhere. 

See, I stand corrected. 

Now that I’ve become hyper aware of my own inhale and exhale, my respiration is just that much more restricted. I’m practically holding my breath at this moment - both from the anticipation of catching this unsub in the act and giving Spencer one less thing to scrutinize about me. 

“I didn’t say you had to stop breathing,” He tacks on as if it would put me any more at ease. Not that if he had explicitly said such a thing, I would’ve. 

Unlike other people, I wasn’t exactly jumping at the chance to throw myself at his feet so he’d like me. But to use that as grounds for his disdain would be foolish. Our rancor went deeper than the basic lack of synergy between us. 

And in the spirit of getting to the bottom of that abyssal pit, I finally asked the question with words that always seemed to hang above but never would form. 

“Why was I the only one denied visitation while you were in prison?” 

It may surprise you to know that it wasn’t always like this between us; we were actually close once, although it is hard to imagine that version of us ever really existing. However, if I think about it hard enough, I can remember with perfect clarity who we used to be. 

. . .

“Jeez, you really don’t like these things do you?” I nudged him playfully before feeling instantly guilty once I witnessed the result of my shove that must’ve been a little too much for all 120 (at most) pounds of him. I’d neglected to remember the strength I held over the lanky Doctor as well as neglected to notice where the trajectory of my push would land him - in the direct line of a circus clown walking the opposite direction as us. This, of course, brought him face to face with the character. Unfortunately, I managed to catch a glimpse of the lens of Spencer’s glasses grazing the white face paint of the caricature. 

After a shudder of mortification and a very brave shriek, Spencer ran to my other side to be as far away from the clown as possible and apparently, as close to me as possible. From a distance, you’d think we were conjoined simply by the way he was glued to me - shoulder to shoulder, elbow to elbow, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. 

While removing his glasses to clean them off with the hem of his blazer, he answered, “Carnivals? I mean, what’s not to like? What with the loud noises, the heart-attack-inducing food that’s more grease than actual food, or the sheer amount of bacteria harboring on each and every handle, hoop, ball, or button of these ridiculous game booths.” 

“Wow, you really don’t like carnivals.” I should’ve figured. 

“Nope. Never have and probably never will.” 

As someone who looked forward to the fair every summer of her childhood, any aversion to carnivals broke my heart. I had a fondness for them borne in adolescence that I couldn’t quite justify now in my adulthood. 

“But they’re fun!” was the best argument I could muster. The whine in my voice being provoked by the possibility that the higher the shrill of my pitch, the easier he’d be to sway. Turns out, Dr. Reid was not nearly as susceptible to my auditory persuasion as I might’ve thought he was. Just a stone cold, inconvincible slab of steel. 

“I’m sorry. I know you brought me here because you love these things, but I just can’t get past the ...” He surveyed the fair, ostensibly against his will, in search of the perfect word to describe our surroundings. “Filth.”

I would’ve argued in the defense of the carnival, mentioning how it’s endearing that the only bathrooms for miles were porta potties, and that the screaming, crying, sticky children galore just added to the attraction, and that there was a hidden charm to the way the roller coasters creaked beyond their means with every ride. 

But to an extent, I agreed. It was rather filthy, and I wasn’t much of a germaphobe myself so to someone like him, this would be hell on earth. 

“Well, you get what you put into it. If you’re willing to overlook some minor imperfections, I really think you’d enjoy this place.” 

Spencer by now had his hands in his pockets and his walking pace had slowed to a complete halt. There was a moment of skepticism, followed by a partially open smile to make way for the laughter that escaped from the disbelief that he felt for letting me break his resolve so easily. 

“Alright then. What do you want to do first, Brat?” 

The nickname I’d earned could be seen as meanspirited, but truly, it was affectionately diminutive. Like all good nicknames are. And like the proclaimed Brat I was, I’d taken him to all my favorite parts of the fair. 

First came the bumper cars to ease him into the experience - as ironic as that sounds. He was reluctant to submerge his gangly body into a mini vehicle, much less one that’d been inhabited by God knows how many people before us, but he pushed his reservations aside when he realized he’d get to slam into my car (safely, of course). 

Secondly, we went on the Carousel, but this was only in preparation for the real ride that I wanted to take him on next - the Swinging Chairs. He’d gotten a little nauseous, from both the repetitive circling and the galvanized chains he had to hold that were definitely held by several others. 

He had no interest in going on the Gravitron - super lame, I know - so we opted for the Ferris Wheel instead. I didn’t mind making this compromise so much after recognizing all that he’d done for my benefit that night. And for his generosity and selflessness, I thought it only fitting to end the night going somewhere so tame he couldn’t possibly have any opposition to it.

The photo booth.

The booth in particular we’d gone to was smaller than an airplane bathroom, if you can imagine that. The bench seat was barely wide enough to fit Spencer, let alone seat the both of us. While he didn’t explicitly make the offer to let me sit on his lap, it was kind of a give in that I’d have some part of my body intertwined around him like stubborn ivy. 

. . .

I still laugh thinking about the tangled mess of limbs we were below what the camera couldn’t capture. It was arguably the furthest extent of contortionist work I wanted to do in my lifetime, and henceforth exceedingly uncomfortable, and yet, I’d never felt more at home than when I was in his arms. 

That night he would tear off the top three photos to keep for himself while I kept the bottom three photos. 

To this day, I have never seen the pictures that he kept, and I’m left to wonder if he had them at all.

Because I still have mine. And they were virtually the only thing keeping me sane throughout his trial and subsequent imprisonment. 

Six Months Ago ...

My eyes were locked on the loose thread of my cardigan that I was rolling between my fingers anxiously. 

“Would you stop that?” Penelope swatted my hand away from my sweater. “You’re making me nervous just looking at you.” She grumbled. 

“Sorry,” I apologized bleakly.

A few seconds later she groaned again, making me think I was still doing something bothersome, but it turned out to be just the opposite. “Ugh, I know that sounded mean, and I hate when I sound mean, but I can feel my forehead creasing from the stress, and watching you fidget is going to give me an ulcer.”

“I wish I could help it. I’m just really worried about him.”

“Well I am, too, but that’s not gonna do us any good right now. All we can do is hope for the best.”

Sometimes Penelope’s overly optimistic view on life was futile and unwelcome, and truthfully, this was one of those times. 

“Penny?” 

As she turned her head, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the lenses of her dark green glasses. I could see my own mournful expression as I asked, “What if he’s found guilty?” 

She started to say something but stopped herself. “Right now, all we need to focus on is his bail. We can worry about a verdict later.” She put her hand on top of mine and shook it briefly to remind me that we were in this together. 

Moments later recess was over and the team came trudging back into the courtroom. 

The sound of the judge clearing her throat and our footsteps on the floor made this feel all too normal. 

How could Spencer’s life be hanging in the balance in such a place as non-intimate as this? 

It frustrated me how casual things felt today and how everyone was acting normally. Prentiss had yet to bat an eye, Rossi’s stoic expression never changed, and Penelope was telling me not to worry. Everyone was acting so aloof. 

My eyes darted to Spencer, who was looking back at us woefully. I couldn’t bear to see him like that any longer, so I kept my head down and stared at my feet after I took my seat. 

Even when I closed my eyes, I was haunted by the vision of him in a suit, just like one he’d wear to work. But instead, he was wearing it for this - this vastly different situation. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at him the same in one anymore. I’ll probably just remember this particular look on his face, in this god awful courtroom, during this horribly nauseating circumstance. 

If one thing was for certain, it was that this would all come back to me if I ever laid eyes on him in a suit, and that thought fucking terrified me. 

Because that one thought spiraled into the next: Everything was bound to change after this. Every little thing would change in every little way. 

Spencer’s lawyer, the judge, and the prosecutor were going back and forth for a while, but I tuned it all out because I knew if I had tuned in, I wouldn’t have been able to hold back my arguments. Eventually, though, I heard something I could no longer ignore. 

“If past behavior is the best indicator of future conduct, and I do believe it is, then your client presents a flight risk.”

I stood up immediately, getting a head rush from the speed. I knew what was to follow, so I needed to be on my feet the second I heard it. Maybe so I could run and escape before I had to.

“Bail is denied. The defendant will remain in federal custody pending trial.” 

“Spencer!” I shouted, losing all the composure I’d been trying to maintain. I reached for him as if he was at any capacity to reach back and hold me. God, I needed him to hold me. Hold me like how he did at the carnival. 

Hold me.

Luke held me back as I fought to be near him.

“Let me go!” I screamed, trying to break free of his tight grip. Spencer could only stand and stare, mirroring my own wistful glance. He mouthed something to me that I couldn’t quite make out, but if I knew him at all, he probably said something about not wanting me to worry about him. 

“(Y/n), (y/n) it’s gonna be alright.” JJ reasoned, pulling me into a hug. 

“How long before this case goes to trial?” I heard Prentiss whisper to Spencer’s lawyer. 

“It’s a complicated case. I’d say three months maybe?” 

Immediately, I worked myself out of JJ’s arms and pushed my way through the team, running up to the barrier between us.

“Spence!” I cried out in anguish. 

To the sound of my voice, he glanced over his shoulder sadly. He wasn’t even shocked I’d been able to get so close to him - he seemed to expect it, and for that, he was sad. Because he knew if I was going to be as stubborn as to fight to get to him at this hearing, then I was going to be stubborn enough to reach him in prison, too. And should he find himself behind bars, he knew that I’d get to him one way or another. 

That is if he’d let me. 

“Be strong,” He weakly smiled. ‘For me’ his sad eyes begged in addition. He held my gaze for as long as he possibly could before disappearing into another room. 

As I watched him walk away, I could feel my heart shattering and crumbling into the pit of my stomach. Perhaps that was a premonition, a true gut feeling, telling me something I at the time couldn’t have known and wouldn’t have accepted. 

That was the last time I would see Spencer. 

People always say when something unbelievable happens, it doesn’t feel real, but this? Nothing felt more real and more intense than this. 

There was no other way for me to see this situation but as the first defeat in an endless line of them.

If Spencer was denied bail, what else could happen to him? Could he be found guilty too? Because prior to this, the denial of his bail seemed impossible. He posed no flight risk, but according to the judge, he did. So if what I once thought to be impossible happened, then it could and would happen again.

I knew Spencer was going to be found guilty.

What I didn’t know, though, was how I was going to live with myself from then on.

I didn’t go that day. 

I knew myself too well. So did the others, which is why they didn’t object to my decision not to come to Spencer’s trial. They knew I was better off staying home. Especially, if there was the chance that I might react hysterically again.

I didn’t stay home, though. That part the team never found out about. 

I went to visit Diana instead. A much wiser choice, in my opinion. 

“You know, we’ve been talking so much about Spencer today, but we haven’t talked about you yet,” said Diana. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” I feigned a polite smile. 

“You thought I wouldn’t notice?” She tilted her chin downward and gave me that sly grin of hers. 

“No, no, of course not. I know better than to underestimate the Diana Reid.” I quipped, making her smile widen. “I just figured you’d wanna spend your time talking about someone much more interesting.” 

“Oh please, Spencer and I talk about you all the time.”

I perked up from the checker piece I was fiddling with. “You do?”

“Mhm,” She nodded over and over again. “I always knew there was something between you two because you could always talk about each other to me, but for some reason, you could never actually talk to each other.”

For the first time in months, I genuinely laughed and I couldn’t help it. “He makes me nervous! I always feel like he might correct something I say, or tell me that there’s food in my teeth.” 

“You know, now that you mention it, I do remember him saying something about seeing a really big piece of lettuce in your teeth one time.” 

“Diana!” I squealed, pushing the checkerboard at her, pretending to take offense. 

“I really don’t know what you’re so nervous about! I think it would be good if you just talked to him.” 

“It’s, um, it’s not that simple. Not right now, at least.” 

My energy quickly nose-dived and I tried to do my best to hide it from Diana, but it permeated through the rest of the visit. I couldn’t fully enjoy myself after it. 

The team and I all agreed not to let Diana know, especially not with the uncertainty of the case. There was no point riling her up if there was nothing to be worried about. And I could only imagine how I reacted - Diana would be reacting 10 times more hysterically. 

But as much as I hated to say it, I almost would’ve rather been in her position. 

I would give anything to un-know Spencer’s circumstance.

Present Time ...

In this car, there was nowhere for him to run or hide, not like before.

Anytime I so much as entered his gravity by being in the same room, he’d flee the space in the next breath. Granted, he couldn’t really avoid me entirely. We did have to be on the same flight for an extended period of time, but he made that work by letting me choose my spot first, then choosing a spot directly on the opposite side of the jet. 

What a gentleman, huh?

“Kudos to you, by the way. For managing to avoid me for this long. I imagine it’s been as not-easy as it has been incredibly-cowardly.” My words stung as they flowed from my lips as badly as I imagine they seared his already cracked skin. I couldn’t believe that now that I finally had the opportunity to talk to him, I was using it to be petty and passively aggressive. But then again, I could. 

Because after what he put me through, he deserved to feel the full severity of my indignation.

My only wish was that he knew exactly how I had felt when I found out. 

. . .

Icarus. 

He died tragically while using artificial wings, invented by his father, to escape from the Labyrinth. When Icarus flew too close to the sun, it melted the wax that held the wings together, and he fell into the sea.

‘Don’t fly too close to the sun.’ That’s the moral of the story. That’s what Reid was trying to tell me. But I didn’t listen. 

I flew too close. 

I had approached the window with more zeal than this predicament warranted. 

“I’m (y/n) (y/l/n). I’m here to see Spencer Reid, R-E-I-D,” I eagerly spelt his last name with ease as though it were my own last name. 

She’d flipped back and forth between pages, running her index finger up and down the sheet for far too long that it made me worry. Turns out, I had every right to be worried. 

“I don’t see you on the list, ma’am.” 

I was so mindnumbingly dumb that I couldn’t even see how dumb I was being. “Oh no no no, I’m with the FBI. I called earlier and left a message, remember?” 

“Yeah, I remember you,” She smiled politely, giving me the tiniest fragment of hope. “But you’re not on his list.” Only for it to be shattered in an instant. 

I had yet to process or accept this information. “So what does that mean?”

“It means he doesn't wanna see you right now. And frankly, neither do I. Next!” 

“Wait, could you just please check with him? My name is (y/n) -” 

“Ma’am, you are holding up a whole line of people that wanna see their loved ones too, so I suggest you see yourself out before I call security to help see you out.” 

I knew by her tone of the word ‘help’ that meant a prison guard would most likely forcibly remove me from the premises, and the last thing I needed was to feel even more humiliated. 

I got plenty of that when I had to come back to the BAU. 

“You’re not on the list?” Luke seemed genuinely shocked. More so than I was. Above all, I just felt really stupid. 

“I’m sure it was just a mistake.” Stephen reasoned. He was so good at being level-headed. Which normally, I would’ve loved. But right now, it only fueled the fire burning in my chest.

“That’s what I thought at first, too. But later on, she asked him herself, and he said - and I quote, ‘I don’t want to see her. Not now. Not ever.’”

. . .

Those were the words that seared my skin, and he hadn’t even spoken them directly to me to do it. 

The words that did just enough to heal me back to health were, of course, Penelope’s.

“Since you haven’t seen him yet, the rest of us will just wait until you have. It’s only fair that you have your first turn before the rest of us go back for a second time.” 

Back then, it was easy to hold out hope, but the more and more time passed, the more he kept denying my visits. Therefore, the more my hope began to fade. 

It had been weeks since anyone else had seen him before I finally surrendered. Although I had newly-brewing sourness towards Reid, it didn’t feel fair to deny him everyone else’s presence until mine was permitted. 

Luke was the one who volunteered to visit first. And to my dismay, Spencer didn’t fight against it. 

The proof was finally there. Now I could say with absolute certainty: Spencer just didn’t want to see me. 

It was both ironic and utterly frustrating to think about how I’d never gone more than two weeks without seeing him. Even when the BAU got time off after big cases, we’d always spend that time together. The longest we’d spent apart was 12 days. And right when he came back to D.C, we were attached at the hip for the next week, trying to compensate for all that time we were apart. 

Now, look at us. I haven’t said one word to him in half a year. 

If tragedy and comedy could coexist, this would be it. 

“How is he?” I asked Luke as soon as he got back. 

“He’s holding on,” Luke affirmed with confidence. What he said next lacked any of that. “He told me to tell you not to worry about him.” 

Something in me knew it was a lie. “Did he actually say that?”

His lack of an answer was one itself. 

“Did he say anything at all about me?”

“I tried telling him how much you wanted to see him, but he just brushed it off. I’m sorry, (y/n).” 

This became my routine for the months to follow. Every time someone would come back from the prison, I’d ask them if they talked about me, but the answer was always no. After a while, it had gotten to the point where I purposefully started leaving myself out of the loop. At least in that case, it was by my own volition that I was being excluded, not by a predicament being forced on me. 

Not by Spencer. 

“We’re not doing this right now,” Spencer declaration brought me back to the present, where I found him removing himself from both the conversation and the vehicle. When I heard the latch click to open, my hand reflexively flew to my auto-lock to prevent him from leaving. Naturally, he still managed to escape using his door’s button.

If I couldn’t stop him, then I could follow him. 

“Then when will we do this? Huh, Spencer? When? Because anytime I try to talk to you, you run away.” The mere fact that I was speed-walking after him was proof. While he casually strolled down the sidewalk paying me no mind, I tried to be clever and walk down the street so we’d be somewhat side to side. I was tired of staring at his back every time he walked away. I needed to see his face.

For his every stride, I had to take at least three steps. He was gliding through the world so effortlessly as I was trekking my uphill battle. It was quite fitting, though. Further exemplification that, between us, I was fighting harder to preserve the people we used to be, the relationship we used to have. Meanwhile, he couldn’t care less. A stone cold, inconvincible slab of steel. Just like he always was. 

As I began to speak, I had to also be conscious of the parked cars along the curb, being careful to weave in and out. 

“For months, you have blatantly ignored me. The entire time you were in prison, you denied my visits. And it’s not like it was a one time thing. I tried to visit you over 100 times while you were in jail! 100 times I got rejected. 100 times I got turned away. 100 times my heart shattered.” 

By now, I was speaking so loudly that I could see household lights within neighboring homes turning on. I hadn’t even realized how far we’d walked down the street and away from our car, but it was the last thing on my mind. 

“Then after you were released, it’s like I never even existed. I had to find out that you were out of there a week later than everyone else because they all assumed you came to me yourself to tell me the good news,” I laughed wryly at my own stupidity. “Do you know how hard it was for me?” 

“Do you know how hard it was for me?” 

It took me a second to register that he was actually engaging with me in this conversation now. But when I looked at his expression, I could see that something within him had snapped. A little piece of me was glad, though. Now I knew for sure that there was some effect I had on him. 

“Hard for you?”

“I know you came to visit me 100 times! Want to know how I know? Because I was there, too! I was there every time a guard came to ask if I wanted to see you. I was there every time I turned you away. And while you got to walk out of those doors every time I did, I was stuck in there, rotting in that cell, thinking about how badly I wanted to see you. How badly I wanted to touch ...” His voice faltered. “To touch you. But I had to protect you!” 

“You do realize in protecting me, you were hurting me in the process.” 

“Because you just don’t know when to leave well enough alone!” His hands tugged at the root of his unruly hair like evidence of the frustration that my stubbornness caused. “You’re such a pain in the ass because you can never cooperate! It’s gotta be your way or no one else’s! ‘Spencer, it has to be this way because I said so. Spencer, you have to let me see you because I said so. Spencer, you have to talk to me because I said so. Spencer, you have to ride this stupid roller coaster because I said so,’” His imitation of my nagging voice would’ve made me laugh before. Now, it was bringing me onto the verge of tears. “Since clearly no one’s told you this before - not everything is about you! You just want it to be because you’re a whiny, little brat! You’re so spoiled rotten that you can’t even see how far down it goes. If you did, you’d know that you’re rotten to the core and that nothing will ever satisfy you. Especially me.”

His words had done more than sear me. They pierced me. They ripped me. They destroyed me. When he called me Brat, I thought it was endearing. Now, looking back, I realize - no, that’s just how little he thought of me. 

As I came to the conclusion, I stopped dead in my tracks on the pavement. 

I was done chasing Spencer.

His face had fallen from its anger, indicating he was apologetic, but I was beyond accepting his sorry excuses anymore. I couldn’t stand to look at him so I looked behind me to find our car at least a football field away. I guess in many ways, I’d gone the whole nine yards. 

“This is what you wanted right?” I turned back to him momentarily. My voice scared me how calm it was because, inside, I was boiling with rage. “Well, here you go, Spence. Have all the fucking space you want.” 

It was usually me watching his back while he walked away, and now, he was watching mine. 

“(Y/n), wait!” 

And for the briefest second, it actually felt good to be the first one to leave. 

I was free. 

_ _ _

To my dismay and relief, when I walked into work the next morning, he wasn’t there. I would’ve looked for him with more than a cursory glance except I was stuck on looking at something strange in the bullpen that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. But as I walked further in, a blaring siren went off in my head. 

Spencer’s desk is completely empty. 

I instantly sorted through my purse for my phone to reach Prentiss when I noticed something more. 

I had been desperate to cling onto any notion that he still loved me, and there it was, just sitting on his desk. Proof that the man I loved was still in there somewhere.

The top three pictures from the carnival photo booth.

I laughed, as I always did, thinking about how much we had to exert ourselves to be positioned in a semi-adequate way. In the next wave, I felt profoundly empty. He had kept the pictures all these years, and now that I finally get to see them, he’s left me.

As I brought my hand to my face to clear the tears pooling at my lower lashes, I saw that my finger had an ink smear on the pad of it. There was nowhere else I could’ve obtained it except for if there was writing on the back of the photos. 

What I read when I turned it over was as follows. 

I want to be this guy for you again, (y/n). I just don’t know how. 

I just don’t know if I can.

No matter how much I’ve changed, one thing’s still the same.

I love you. 

I should’ve focused on the message, but all that I could focus on was that if I managed to smear the ink, that meant it was fresh, written just now. 

He was still here. 

I pocketed the photos and abandoned my purse, only carrying with me the phone that I forgot to use to dial Prentiss. After a moment’s indecision, I figured that taking the stairs would be faster than the elevator, and I bounded down the steps without hesitation. 

“Spencer!” I yelled into the parking structure when I reached the ground floor. The sound of me bursting through the door caught the attention of Anderson, who was getting out of his car. 

“I just saw him leave.” Anderson threw his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the exit. I knew, even in my state of mind, there was no feasible reality where I could reach him on foot. I had to call him. 

I pleaded to myself for him to pick up with every ring of my phone. 

“(Y/n),” He said like a statement instead of a question. Again, he’d anticipated I’d do this. He probably picked it up not even having to look at the caller ID but knowing it was me and no one else. 

“I don’t need you to be the guy you were before, Spencer. I just need you to bend a little bit. I know we’re both stubborn people, but if we can just find a halfway point-”

“(Y/n), (y/n),” He was settling me and the sentences that were coming out of my mouth at 100 mph. 

“I’ll bend if you bend.” I promised. 

The static of the call filled my ears until his voice finally did.

“For everyone else, I bend ... for you, I break.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

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[delirious-and-slightly-murderous]

You pointed out that Latino and Spanish people are generally more touchy and affectionate, but when Berlermo explain the plan to Sergio and they stand like that, holding hands - is that still something considered normal between friends?

Hi Anon! 

Okay, so first I'm gonna try and be a bit clearer with my explanations because I know I sometimes have trouble getting my point across, so I hope I manage here (and also I want to say that my views here come from my experience of my specific country of Latin America. It's probable that some things will be different or people have different views in other countries of Latin America. We are not a monolith.)

Okay so when you say holding hands you mean this right?:

Bear with me a bit here, this will probably get long.

So as I said, in lots of mainstream media, especially USA media, (and sometimes even in people's heads) there's this idea or stereotype that latinos are easy, and slutty and are over-sexualized (maybe not the best examples but the ones that come to mind off the bat: Gloria from Modern Family or Santana from Glee, that Argentinian dude from Moulin Rouge and pretty much any Latino man from shows like CSI, Law and Order and stuff like that). 

It's a well established trope/stereotype, so much so that people have lots of things to say about the matter (if you want, look up 'Spicy Latina' and 'Latin Lover', there's lots of videos and debates on the subject). 

All this what it says to me is that there IS a big cultural difference between latinos and everyone else when it comes to affections and physical touch. That stereotype of us being slutty and easy comes mainly from the fact that we are physical in a way that to other cultures may seem weird and gets interpreted the wrong way. (I'll give you and example of real life. We once had this student exchange program with a group in France. So we went to France and proceeded to talk to people and make friends as we always do. A lot of my male friends got asked if they were gay by dudes while girls thought they were making advances on them. To me specifically, we were hanging out and I was just socializing like always and at one point a dude I was talking to tried to kiss me. He just shoved himself on me. When I pushed him away he was very confused and when I demanded to know why he did that his answer was: "I thought that's what you wanted? You've been touching me and flirting with me the whole day. I thought that's what you were after." And I wasn't the only one that had to deal with something like that.) 

So I think I can say with confidence that we Latinos are much more touchy than other cultures and it gets misinterpreted a lot. 

(Also some people might go. "But what about Machismo and Masculinity and 'no homo' that is also stereotypically Latino?" Well I have to point out that when dudes are mature and don't act like 12 year olds, physical closeness is very much a thing without any problem or reservations, especially between close friends. It's not like they're going to do it with some random dude they met on the street.)

As for that gesture specifically? Arm over shoulders and hand on top of hand. There's nothing weird about that between close friends. My friends have done variations of that pose before. (Another real life example of close physical affection. A couple days ago we were hanging out and me and my two male best friends, let's call them J and D, we were doing a cuddle pile with some other people in a bed. It was a big bed but we were a group so we had to squish together a bit. J was holding D around the shoulder against his side while D's head rested on his chest. Meanwhile I was sprawled across both their laps with my head resting on a girl's chest. Was it weird or strange? No, no one paid any attention to it.) 

Also look at Rodrigo's pictures with his friends. There's lots of them where he's very close and physical with other males, no? 

However, as always there's nuances. We are very physical and touchy, yes. And that pose isn't weird and it's completely normal even between male friends, yes. But it all very much depends on intention and social clues. 

What do I mean by that? If a guy was to be touchy and physical with one of his female friends no one would think twice about it. But if he was to make it weird or with unclear intentions, that's when people would start lifting brows. Same goes for any variation of the genders involved. 

So while that pose is completely normal (and I wouldn't bat an eye if it were to happen between say, Andrés and Bogotá) the fact that we know Martín is homosexual does change the views on it. 

We (and most certainly Andrés too) know that he's gay and in love with Andrés, so that does change the light of that interaction a lot. Same with the example I gave before. If a guy was to be physical with a female friend no one would bat an eye. But if that guy was to be in love with the girl and be all touchy with her, people's views on it would be different. Same here, just change the guy in love for Martín and the girl for Andrés🤷‍♀️.

However, still even with all that, that pose still doesn't particularly stand out to me. Normal pose between best friends. But one that does seem weird? And is much more strange than that one and that does make me go 🤨 is this one:

That little face touch while holding each other (especially considering one of them is gay and in love) that is a bit much. 

Again, my previous post about it really not meaning much was in relation to the Champagne scene. What bothered me about it is that people were going: 'Andrés is in love with Martín. No straight dude would do that or touch him like that'. And that's what bothered me, because no. Straight dudes do touch and act like that. And saying that physical closeness of that kind has romantic motives because 'no straight would do that' just perpetuates that idea that males can't be close or sentimental with each other. And that really bothers me. 

But to sum it all up, if Champagne scene or the hug/hand holding were to happen between any two given dudes of the show it wouldn't seem strange or out of place. However, the fact that it is Andrés and Martín (and what we know about them) does give it a different light, that does give it some different connotations. (And the face touching is a bit much, that did make me lift an eyebrow).

So I still read that whole scene as Berlermo even if the physical touches aren't necessarily (or more accurately not just by themselves alone) what make me read it like that.

Hope this was helpful and that I answered your question (and sorry for the long ass answer) and if not feel free to ask whatever you want. I'm always happy to interact with people😊♥️😘.

[whoree321]

the bad batch + olivia rodrigo songs

this is kinda super angsty and i didn’t necessarily mean for it to be but also idk what i expected. omega’s is cute but everyone else’s just got more sad the more I wrote lmaoooooo

Hunter: happier

hunter is def the kind of guy after a break up that wants things to be on good terms and genuinely does want to see the other person happy

like i think hunter is the most likely to want to stay friends after a break up

but he also has that pride and ego of not wanting to be replaced or wanting the next person to be better than him

he would be really torn between sincerely wanting the best for them and also battling his own discomfort and insecurity/jealousy at actually seeing them be happy without him

the balance between maturity/respect and that petty need to “win” a breakup would be tricky for hunter to manage

i feel like this song perfectly captures post break up hunter like “i hope you’re happy but don’t be happier” that’s really truly how he’d feel

Crosshair: favorite crime

i think that if crosshair got to a point in a relationship where he really cared about the other person and then they broke up he would feel very much this song

like i know the obvious choice might seem like “good 4 u” like edgy and angsty but I don’t think he would feel so aggressively angry as he would feel just really melancholy about it

like crosshair isn’t the type of guy to have meaningful relationships that he puts his heart into so if he did put himself out there and open his heart up so much he’s not gonna be able to just shut it down (even though he def will act like he doesn’t care at all even a little bit)

he’s gonna feel hurt and taken advantage of by the other person but he’s also gonna blame himself for being so vulnerable and opening himself up to that hurt

like i really feel like in the bridge where its like "everything we broke and all the trouble that we made / but i say that i hate you with a smile on my face / oh look what we became" is very crosshair. thats the bittersweetness he would feel towards someone he really loved that ended up hurting him

Tech: deja vu

this is so tech bc it is really a thorough, itemized, fuck you list

like i feel like it would be very tech to pinpoint all the parts of an ex’s new relationship that they reused from their relationship with him and just be like “hm. interesting. a big fat phony. how does that feel? to be a phony? just asking for a friend”

and that’s also something that would hurt him the most. like knowing that that person had experiences with him and learned things from/with him that he thought were meaningful and then they just go share all of it with someone else? that would be tough for him to take

the lines that specifically give me tech are in the one chorus where it’s like “that was our place / I found it first / I made the jokes you tell to her / when she’s with you” and also in the bridge when it’s like “play her piano but she doesn’t know / that I was the one who taught you billy joel”

i could just see him having detailed notes of his favorite moments of his relationship with that person (like specifically things they learned together or taught each other, new experiences they had together, etc) and then gradually having to sadly mark down when one of them has been used with someone else

it would be a really prolonged hurt knowing how much he valued those things and thought they were special and how much the other person just didn’t think that at all and continuously drives that point home

Wrecker: 1 step forward, 3 steps back

i feel wrecker here in this song bc i think of all the bad batch he is one of the most likely to really drag out a rough relationship in the hopes that it gets better

and I don’t mean that in a shady way at all. but I think crosshair’s self-preservation would kick in, tech would turn to logic and numbers and determine the costs outweigh the benefits and it’s no longer a fruitful relationship, and hunter and echo would have a weird honor code of like “I cannot allow our relationship to cause pain any longer”

but wrecker

wrecker would just be so head over heels and desperate to go back to good times bc he just loves so fully and completely. he falls fast and hard and it would be difficult for him to accept that a once-happy relationship just isn’t salvageable

the line that gets me is really in the chorus like “do you love me, want me, hate me / boy I don’t understand” bc I think that’s exactly how he would feel

wrecker would just be so sad and confused and he would know things were going wrong but it would just be such a whirlwind and he would want it to work out so much that he would let himself stay in an unhappy situation for too long

Echo: traitor

echo is an extremely loyal person and he values loyalty in a relationship so much

when he loves someone and dedicates himself to someone, it is really hard to break that bond. he will stick by them through almost anything

one of the few things that is unforgivable in a relationship to him tho is infidelity. so the hurt and anger in this song I think is something he would really feel in a relationship that ended in a similar situation

like if echo’s s/o was unfaithful to him, even if they didn’t technically cheat on him, it would really cut him to the bone. he couldn’t imagine doing that to someone else and I think he would feel that betrayal from them really deeply

the line in this one that sold it is in the last chorus when she changes it a little and goes “you gave me your word / but that didn’t matter”. like the way she says it is so hurt and that’s how he would feel

losing someone he cared about would really sting for echo (he’s already lost so much), but losing them bc they betrayed his trust, knowing that he really believed in them and he really thought they were someone he could put his faith in and then being wrong? it would be devastating to him

Omega: brutal

this song really captures that chaotic panic of being young and coming into yourself and the world

i think omega is a little young at this point to be feeling a lot of this just yet, but when those teenage hormones and angst settle in this one is gonna hit different for her

it’s just a really good depiction of that like self-consciousness and anxiety of adolescence where you’re so hyper-aware of your flaws and you feel like everyone is looking at you and judging you all the time

and in omega’s position, I imagine when she enters that time in her life it’s gonna feel pretty intense. you can already tell she feels some of it just bc of her life situation and experiences but once you add in the normal hormones and psychological changes it’s gonna be crazy

the most omega line in this song is when she goes “i’m so tired that i might / quit my job start a new life / and they’d all be so disappointed / cause who am i if not exploited?”

LIKE THATS LITERALLY HER @ THE KAMINOANS IN THE FIRST EPISODE THATS BASICALLY EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED

basically it would be her teeny bopper anthem and i love it for her

[mrkcore]

𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄 - 𝐥.𝐦𝐤

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: mark lee x y/n (ft. minor appearances of johnny)

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: college!au, aged down mark

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: mark said forever, even in his songs, but you should have known better. based off of olivia rodrigo’s new single, drivers license.

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: angst, i’m sorry in advance

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬): cheating/infidelity, heartbreak  

𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨: drivers license - olivia rodrigo

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.2k 

𝐚/𝐧: this was finished at 2 am again, so please excuse me if this is incoherent 😌 also, i changed around the order of some lyrics and deleted some sections to fit the story, so it’s not 100% the same. feedback is always welcomed!

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @nakamotocore​, @astroboy-lele, @infnteen (comment here to be added!)

it was always so simple. even though mark was a year older, you guys planned it out. same university, same program, just different years. as simple as that. or so you thought.

i got my driver's license last week 

just like we always talked about 

'cause you were so excited for me 

to finally drive up to your house

but today i drove through the suburbs 

crying 'cause you weren't around 

mark started meeting you less often when he entered college. you didn’t think much of it, people always said the first year of college was the hardest. you just assumed the workload was catching him off-guard and he was too busy.

you didn’t tell him about getting your driver’s license. you wanted to surprise him. and you thought that if he was too busy, you’ll just go and visit him instead. before mark graduated, you guys would always be sneaking out at the crack of dawn in his white volkswagen, driving to the nearest mcdonalds, ordering whatever you craved. no cares or worries in the world. 

“hey, when are you going to get your license anyways?” mark asked you one night. “i’m always the one driving, am i your personal chauffeur or something?”

“hmm, what if you are?” you tease him. mark shoots daggers at you. “i’m kidding, i’m kidding! maybe next year, when i turn 18.”

“i’m excited.” he leaned back into his seat. “you’d be able to visit me whenever.”

“i’d annoy you.” you snort. he chuckles and playfully hits you.

“you know you’d never.” he looks at you, like he really meant it.

but he didn’t. because now, tears flow down your face as you drive home in your car from mark’s university.

and i know we weren't perfect, but i've never felt this way for no one 

and i just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that i'm gone 

guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 

'cause you said forever, now i drive alone past your street 

mark was always super passionate about songwriting. and when you guys were introduced to each other in guitar club of your freshman year, he finally found a companion to confide his interest in. when you guys snuck out, he would always bring his computer, speakers, and guitar. he’d play you the demos and songs that he had made and would want your opinions on them.

“how does it sound?” he asked you, pressing pause on his computer. it was the last day before the summer of freshman year for you, and he said he wanted to show you ‘something special’.

“yeah it’s pretty good, i think you could do a more complex guitar riff though? it would sound sick if you used E minor and riffed off onto the E major.” you suggested and turned to face mark’s smiling face. “what are you staring at?” you poked him.

“i wrote this about you, you dummy.” he flicked your forehead. “could you not tell?”

“ow, no?” you rubbed to soothe where he flicked you. “its too cheesy, and ‘that sun shining on me, my heart alive and breathing i want only one with you, all the things you make me do for you’? nah, mark lee has a little crush on someone.” you wiggled your eyebrows.

“yeah,” you whipped your head around. “you.” your brain stopped and all you feel is your heartbeat racing. you had never been romantically interested in mark, only friends. but that day changed it all.

“ayo, stop playing the innocent freshman girl.” you huff out. “i have a weak heart.” he taps your chin and turns your face back around.

“dude, i’m not playing.” he gazes into your eyes. “i’m serious, no joke.” your heart starts beating faster, the butterflies in your stomach are wild and your breaths are accentuated by the silence in the car. 

and that’s when he leans in. pressing his soft, watermelon chapstick flavoured lips onto yours. 

you close your eyes and you feel like you’re dreaming. 

“did that prove it?” he says when he pulls away, grinning at you.

“you’re pretty bold making a move on a freshman, bro.” you roll your eyes but your insides feel warm and fuzzy. “and you stole my first kiss!” you exclaim as you push him lightly and he puffs out in disbelief.

“what else do i gotta do to prove to you that i’m for real?” he says, crossing his arms.

“pinky promise me,” you say. “that you won’t leave and you’ll love me forever.” reaching out your pinky. mark laughs, his pinky intertwined with yours.

“now who’s the one who’s cheesy?” he teases. laughing as you angrily attempt to hit him. “i’m joking, i promise, forever.”

you should have known better, promises were made to be broken. but the sticky sweet watermelon flavour stuck on your lips blind you.

and all my friends are tired 

of hearing how much i miss you, but i kinda feel sorry for them 

'cause they'll never know you the way that i do 

yeah, today i drove through the suburbs 

and pictured i was driving home to you 

you know your friends are tired of you rambling about mark. even though they’ve endured it for 3 years already, they don’t see why you’re still talking about him even when he’s gone. you don’t really blame them though. you ditch them to hang out with mark all the time, it was like he was the higher priority than they were, but you were just realizing.

but could they blame you? mark was the definition of dreamy. anyone in your position would understand and agree. all of the fun, secrets, journeys, songs you shared, you felt like nobody knew him like you did. you felt like you were on cloud 9. 

but now is too late, as you realized after mark left that there was no one else that you would, could drive and feel at home with. you feel empty.

and you're probably with that blonde girl 

who always made me doubt 

she's so much older than me 

she's everything i'm insecure about 

yeah, today i drove through the suburbs 

'cause how could i ever love someone else? 

you felt like you had been stabbed in the chest. you stood there frozen, heart aching and numb. 

mark told you the address and room of where he was living before he left. when you arrived, you met johnny, mark’s roommate. he said mark was at the production studio probably and he could walk you to where it was.

when you arrived, you saw the back of mark’s head and the back of the sweater you gave him before he left. and right beside him, a blonde girl. sitting comfortably with her head rested on his shoulder. you stood there shocked. forgetting that johnny was standing beside you, he notices the change in your mood and asks if you were okay.

“oh, yeah i’m fine. i was just checking up on him, his mom wanted me to, haha.” you tried to laugh it off. “he needs to call them back to reassure them he’s not dead yet.” johnny’s laugh echos in your ears as you reassure yourself that they’re just friends. nothing’s going on between them, mark is just a super nice person.

“that’s kim aera by the way. the TA for mark’s producing class. i think she’s in her third year? anyways, mark really enjoys working with her. it’s like he lives in the studio, he’s always asking her for suggestions and other stuff.” johnny explains. you tense up, you were the only person that mark had wanted to ask suggestions from. pause, you were. not anymore. but it makes sense, she’s the TA, she obviously had more knowledge and experience in the studio. and she’s more, accessible… “what’s the deal between you two though? mark never mentions anything to me, what’s your name?” johnny snaps you out of your daze. 

“oh, uh, i’m y/n, mark’s family friend.” you try to cover up the nervousness and cracking in your voice. “yeah. our parents are close, so her mom can count on me to report on him. haha.” you laugh lightly. “i’m going to get going now, mark is obviously intact, so that’s good. i’ll catch you around.”

“oh cool. see you.” johnny waves, and you walk out the door.

you try to convince yourself that there’s nothing going on between mark and this aera, but reassurance won’t make the truth disappear. 

you come back a few weeks later. you thought that after finals, he might be more free, and you guys could finally hang out for once. you thought that after hanging out again, everything would go back to normal. he’d go back to texting you, showing you new songs, and maybe hanging out more often as well.

“oh hey y/n, you’re back?” johnny answers the door once again. “he’s at the studio right now, do you need me to walk you there?”

“i think i’m good, i remember where it is. sorry for disrupting you. bye.” you smiled, and after johnny waves back and closes the door, you walk towards the studio.

you think of many different scenarios of how this will play out, but this isn’t what you expected. 

you walk into the studio, about to call mark’s name, but you see the blonde locks again. 

“thanks for helping me out with the lyrics, you’re really good with words.” mark says, smiling. “i think you’re a great role model.” 

you feel a little jab at your side. lyricism was never your strong suit. you could write beautiful melodies and harmonies, but the words never seem to come out.

your heart stops. right when their lips lock. with the way her arms are pulling mark in by his nape, you can tell that she’s more experienced. you felt like you had been stabbed in the chest. you stood there frozen, heart aching and numb. you bolt out the door, you feel suffocated. you really were naive. if this is what heartbreak feels like, you don’t think that falling in love is worth it anymore.

you don’t look back. that’s the last time you ever see mark again. 

apparently johnny asked mark about you.

“hey mark,” johnny calls out. “how was your meeting with your family friend y/n yesterday?” 

mark stops dead in his tracks and his heart sinks. you came to see him? how come he didn’t see you? how did johnny know your name? and, why were you his family friend?

“oh uh, yeah it went well, thanks for telling me anyways.” mark escapes to his room.

mk.l

hey

did you come to see me?

you

no

why?

mk.l

oh, nevermind then.

johnny probably got the name wrong.

red lights, stop signs 

i still see your face in the white cars, front yards 

can't drive past the places we used to go to 

'cause i still fucking love you, babe 

sidewalks we crossed i still hear your voice in the traffic

we're laughing over all the noise 

god, i'm so blue, know we're through 

but i still fucking love you, babe 

the world was quieter and stopped spinning. that feeling of being on top of the world all the time stopped too. you stopped going on your phone, you stopped socializing with people in general to be honest. you didn’t know how to face anyone. everywhere you went, everything you did, reminded you of mark. mark’s laugh, mark’s random nose scrunches, mark’s favourite songs, mark’s guitar, mark’s self-written melodies. you can’t go to mcdonalds, you can’t watch the sunset inside your car at the parking lot behind your local church, you couldn’t even pick up your guitar anymore. your melodies and harmonies didn’t come as smoothly anymore. you felt sick, you didn’t want to do music. it’s just not the same anymore. you didn’t feel like you had a purpose. 

but you slowly got back up. music became your way of coping. listening to other people’s songs about heartbreak, you felt like you weren’t alone. your first heartbreak, no one there to teach you about it, and no one there to comfort you. so you did it yourself. you had no musical purpose, but now, your music was for you, your own personal expression. all the harmonies, melodies, colours, came back to you. and unexpectedly out of the blue, the words came to you too. 

i know we weren't perfect, but i've never felt this way for no one 

and i just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that i'm gone 

'cause you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 

'cause you said forever, now i drive alone past your street 

yeah, you said forever, now i drive alone past your street

the backing instrumentals fade out and the emotion in your voice trickles into the darkness of mark’s room as he closes his laptop. 

you found your words. he thinks, smiling sadly. finally.

©mrkcore, 2021.