#salmon skin for dog

[lauridsengibson60]

small dog collar

Amazon Couk : Dog Collar For Small Canines This helps with coaching to discourage unwanted behaviors and assist redirect their attention. It’s a popular choice for animal experts as a outcome of it allows pet parents and trainers to use constructive reinforcement. You should understand that small dogs are rather more fragile than larger ones. That’s why you should make sure that you never use the higher degree of intensity on these electric canine collars. Owners don’t have to worry about their dog’s neck dimension or hair both.

Unlike some of its rivals, it doesn't have sensitivity or quality problems that contribute to unintended shocking. However, if you really feel that static shocks are inhumane, you can use a vibration or spray collar. We chosen the Elecane Small Dog Bark Collar as the most effective gadget for training puppies. At 2.89 ounces, it’s one of the lightest units we reviewed, and it doesn't use a static charge for correction. The Elecane options seven intensity ranges that you could modify relying in your dog’s noise stage. Levels 1 by way of 4 are for loud pups, and 5 by way of 7 are for average to quiet canines.

Leather Canine Collar Adjustable Delicate Leather Padded Collar Heavy Duty For Small Medium Giant Dimension Dogs With Alloy Buckle(pink,s)

The STOPWOOFER Dog Bark Collar uses sound and vibration to scale back your pet’s barking. It has seven correction levels, and you may set it to vibrate or vibrate with sound. The collar is made to suit dogs of all sizes, and it may be used in the rain, mud, or snow. The rechargeable collar runs for 14 days on a single cost and only requires 2 hours to recharge.

To compensate for the decent battery life, the gadget comes with a fast charger that juices it up fairly quick. Use a flexible measuring tape in case you have one to measure snugly round your dog’s neck. If you don’t have a tape, use a chunk of string or ribbon, then measure that with a ruler.

A Solid No-frills Small Dog Collar

We found that the snap buckle made placing it on and getting it off very straightforward as nicely. Speaking of words, all the time make sure to reward your pup with lots of love. Secondly, you must never shock them as regularly as you would possibly shock a medium or giant dog.

You may need something that glows in the lifeless of night for nighttime use or one thing with a matching leash if fashion is actually essential.

Our high choose, the SportDog NoBark collar, uses a progressive correction system that will increase in intensity.

However, your dog can study to bark solely when necessary by utilizing a bark collar.

When you press the shock button on the remote, you must be careful.

We just like the clever design that begins with sound and vibration after which adds static charges if the barking continues.

Frequent barking from your canine can be irritating, however you've a number of options for training your pup to reside a quieter life. Yelling at your pet and telling it to be silent are momentary options that seldom right behavior, however bark collars have helped many dog house owners with loud animals. The Enrivik Small Size Dog Training Collar options seven vibration and shock settings to correct habits.

How Do You Practice A Small Dog With A Shock Collar?

Spray collars are another milder different to shock collars, but they’re normally a bit more expensive than other fashions. You must buy substitute cartridges for the sprayer, and the prices can add up if your pet is a slow learner. It’s efficient when the collar features accurately, but it seems to have a quantity of design points. The on/off switch on the receiver is simply too simple for canine to show off; all it takes is a swipe with a paw.

[theywhowriteandknowthings]

Dog-eared | Chapter 1: The End

Summary: You know your boss is involved with organised crime. The flashy cars, men in tailored suits, call girls that come and go, and the odd hours he keeps. It screams organised crime of some kind, or a cult. But you’ve been able to keep it all separate from your personal life. Until now. Chapter Warnings: Canon-Typical Violence, Blood and Gore, Mafia Themes/Mob Violence etc., Swearing, Nearly Naked Price. Main Masterlist | AO3 Wordcount: 2556

Series Masterlist | Next Chapter ->

On the surface, working for the Mob is no different to any other corporation, you do your job – a cushy gig as a Cyber Security expert – you get paid. There’s no union busting, or quibbles over PTO and pay, simply because it’s laughable to even consider them when your boss is literally the head of one of the most notorious London crime gangs.

You butt heads with the department heads and shareholders of the shell company just as frequently as at that company owned by Nestle, you’re pulled from project to project just as often as working for Amazon’s tech support, you work unpaid overtime at the same frequency as that law firm down the road.

The key difference is the pay.

You’re flush with savings, your student loans repaid, and you live a pretty cushy life, all things considered.

“Alrigh’, lass?” The familiar Glaswegian twang shakes you out of your post-lunch daydream at your desk and you smile up at your friend as he perches on the edge of your desk. You didn’t even hear the door to your office open.

He’s dressed to the nines in a blue three-piece number, suit jacket slung over his shoulder. His waistcoat is a slightly darker blue with gold brocade embroidered on the silky material. His tie is a bright yellow to match, if you didn’t know any better, he’d almost pass for a Canary Wharf banker wanker.

His hair is styled in the usual short mohawk he’s favoured since you were kids. A bittersweet remnant of the boy you once knew shining through the hardened exterior of the very dangerous man you’ve come to love.

“Soap MacTavish, those will kill you,” you say with a roll of your eyes as you point to the cigar tucked in the exterior pocket of his suit, “Celebrating?”

“Not yet,” he says as he drums his fingertips on the desk, “But Cap’n thinks we’re about to strike it big.”

“I don’t want to know,” you playfully cover your ears with your hands, “So zip it.”

“You asked,” Soap says with a grin, “Besides, Price is keeping this one on the need-to-know basis, so I couldn’t tell you even if you were feeling a wee bit nosy.”

“Good,” you say with a huff as you lean back in your chair, “Just come back in one piece, yeah?”

“Always,” he promises with a wink as you see the lift doors open behind him, Ghost and Price in full view through the glass walls of your office. Both men are deep in conversation, “Besides, I’ve got plans this weekend, can’t woo my missus if I’m dead.”

“Speak of the devil,” you grumble as Ghost and Price stop outside your open door. The scarred blond man nods at you, a subtle twitch of his eyebrow and scarred lip more than anyone else gets in this place. He’s in a pale salmon suit, black shirt unbuttoned just enough to brandish the gold chain around his neck.

Price looks through you like you don’t exist. His azure eyes cold and emotionless as you nod in his direction. You can’t help but notice the way his rolled up shirt sleeves hug his thick arms, nor the gold shirt garters that only add to the old-school gangster look. His dark trousers are pressed to perfection, the hems brushing over the tops of his maroon Brogues. His beard is freshly trimmed, framing his thick lips in a way that makes you yearn to know what it’s like to feel them brushing over your skin.

It used to sting, the sheer indifference he shows you, but after four years, you’re over it. Mostly. You try to give him the same wide berth, mostly talking through Kate, his COO, if the need arises.

But you’re not so proud to admit you’d climb him like a tree if he so much as hinted that he was interested.

“Duty calls, hen,” Johnny leans in to press a kiss to your forehead, “See you soon.”

You feel the multiple eyes on you at the overly familiar gesture. The rumours that you and Soap were/are fucking have been circulating since you first joined Price and Sons. It makes you laugh, because – to you – it’s obvious how in love Soap and Ghost are.

“You’ve got to stop doing that,” you call after him playfully, “Aaron from HR is on my ass about inappropriate work relationships!”

“Whatever you say lass, you love the attention,” Soap says without turning back, his laughter echoing through the hall as he joins Price and Ghost outside your office. But being the subject of office gossip is the least of your concerns, it seems.

An alert flashes up in a command window, then another, and another. Emails start piling in along with Teams and Slack messages from multiple department heads and C-level execs.

You groan inwardly at the workload dumped at your feet, on the wrong side of lunch on a Friday. You’re going to be here into the early hours, you just know it.

You call up Farah, getting her to ensure the counter measures are doing their job across the system as you do the same. It’s a standard DDOS attack, aimed at the infrastructure layer, and one of thousands the company experiences each year. But there’s something about this one that makes you doubt it’s run of the mill. You don’t have time to question why as you see a second and third wave of emails and video calls coming through.

You’re pulling up Farah on a video call as you hear the glass door close behind Soap.

You don’t notice the way John Price lingers at your door, his gaze transfixed as he watches you work the problem. You miss the way he clips Johnny over the back of the head, telling the younger man to “behave”.  

~*~

You’re trudging through the rowdy streets of London on a Friday night, still glued to your work phone as you try and wrack your brains over the incident. Farah offered to stay late onsite, which you had gladly accepted. You trust Farah more than any other colleague you’ve ever had. She’s capable, smart, funny, and most of all she knows her shit.

You’re only a few streets away from your flat now, thumbs furiously typing away as you hear the distinct rumble of thunder in the distance. You curse yourself for not packing an umbrella this morning.

You: Farah, don’t stay up too late, the worst of it is over, we can pick back up in the am.

Farah: Yes boss, will catch you in the morning, have a good one! Don’t lose any sleep on this, I’ve got it covered.

You: You too, night.

Farah: No promises, now put the phone away and let me know when you’re home safe.

You smile to yourself as you close the app. You know she’ll be glued to her work computer all night, but at least you can say you tried. You feel the heavy drops of rain splatter against your skin as the weather turns rapidly around you. The Friday night partygoers screeching and groaning as they too fall prey to the fickle whims of British weather.

You’re soaked through by the time you reach your building, the doorman letting you in with a sympathetic smile. You miss the guilt etched into his face as you shuffle through to the lift.

All you want to do is settle down with a glass of wine, your scrunkly elderly dog Lola, and the latest episode of that period drama series everyone is going on about.

You approach your front door, pawing through your handbag to find your keys when you hear it. A short, meek little yap that barely registers as a bark. A sound you’re far too familiar with to mistake it for anything else.

Lola.  

You look up to see your door ajar. Your stomach drops as you see the bloody streak of a handprint smeared over the handle. You look down to see a scarlet boot print stamped on your welcome mat as you nudge the door open with the toe of your shoe.

“Hello?” You call out as you use the torch on your phone to illuminate your dark flat.

You can smell the red-copper scent of blood in the air as you follow the scarlet droplets that trail through your open plan flat. The jingling of Lola’s collar makes bile rise in your throat.

“Look, whoever you are,” you start your bargain with a surprisingly level voice, “I’ve got money, I’ll give you whatever you need, just leave my dog be, yeah?”

There’s no response as you drop your handbag down on the sofa, the familiar landscape of your home shrouded in darkness as you lament not turning the light on at the door. But the warm light spilling from your bedroom tells you exactly where your intruder must be.

You make your way to the safe on the far side of your flat, dangerously close to your bedroom door where the intruder lies – the bloody handprint smeared on your bedroom door a perfect match to the one you saw on the way in only stoking your fears.

You quickly disarm the safe and pull out your – very illegal – Colt 1911 with blackened frame and mother of pearl grips. You hit the mag eject, acknowledging the full clip before sliding it back into place and pulling the slide back to arm the weapon. You may not technically be part of the mob, but you’re not so naïve that you’d not prepare for this sort of thing.  

You steel yourself, phone forgotten on the floor by the safe as you support the underside of your pistol grip with your off-hand, your dominant hand steady around the grip, aimed at shoulder height as you prepare to breach your bedroom.

“Last chance,” you call into your bedroom and the unmistakeable sound of Lola’s happy grumbles catches you off guard.

You kick the door in and immediately you’re left dumbfounded, but you don’t falter, gun pointed towards the man slumped on your bed.

“What the…?” You trail off as you feel heat singe at the tips of your ears, flooding your cheeks as you take in the sight before you.

John Price is shirtless, stripped down to his tight grey boxer briefs as his head lolls back against your expensive mahogany headboard. His hair sticks to his head, blood and rain smeared through his short locks. His face is bruised and bloodied, his lip split and one of his eyes swollen shut. Even beaten half to death, the man is striking.

“Mr Price?” You hiss as you slowly lower the gun, setting it down on a chest of drawers to your left, “What happened?”

You struggle to decide your next move, there’s a loud, shrill voice in the back of your mind that makes you want to dab his face with a wet rag. Shower him with care and attention like some trite romance novel. An equally loud voice tells you that it’s not your problem, this isn’t what you’re paid for, and you should just turn him out on the street.

Then you see the duct tape strapped tight around his hairy chest, two wads of what look like sanitary towels bunched up over his lower abdomen and another tampon-looking object stuck in his right bicep.

“Call me John,” he wheezes out and you jump back at the sudden signs of life from the beleaguered man. You can’t believe he’s still breathing, let alone conscious right now.

“What the fuck are you doing here, John?” You hiss as you notice the big lump under your blood-stained duvet, a long tail wagging against Price’s side as Lola seems to finally realise you’re home.

“Deal went sideways, shit really hit the fan this time,” he coughs out through gritted teeth as a tremor wracks his body, “Got the bullets out, used some of your shit in the bathroom, will compensate you.”

“Right,” you say as you shake your head, “I don’t want to know, don’t need your money, not like tampons are expensive anyway.”

“Fuck off with your sanctimonious bullshit for once, love,” Price hisses as he glares at you with his one good eye. You bristle at that but hold your tongue, glowering right back at him, as if he isn’t one of the most dangerous men in the country.

“You need a hospital,” you say slowly as you perch yourself at the end of the bed, “But I’m guessing you’re going to tell me to fuck off with that idea?”

“You catch on fast,” John says with a heavy exhale through his nose as Lola wriggles her way out of the bedding, her greying muzzle popping out of the covers dramatically as she sniffs you out, “I need to stay here a while, lay low while I plan my next move.

“Absolutely n-,” you begin but you’re cut off, John continuing to speak as if you aren’t even there.

“I will compensate you financially, of course, but you cannot let anyone know I’m here.”

Lola stretches her old body out with a soft whine before trotting down the bed to you, wonky tail swishing back and forth before she plops down onto your lap. Milky eyes peer blindly up at you with adoration as you scratch behind her ears.

“What about Soap? Ghost? Gaz? Kate’s gotta be worried sick,” You say, watching the wounded man labour through each breath. You try not to admit to yourself that you’re worried about him. He’s a mobster, scum, you should have nothing but resentment for him. But the nagging voice telling you to care for him, nurse him back to health, just won’t quit.

It's the right thing to do.

“Kate’s the reason I’m here,” he says as his voice becomes faraway, distant, “Said I could trust you.”

Before you can ask any more questions, Price passes out. His jaw falls slack and his one good eye flutters closed as you look between the haggard man and old dog in your bed. You groan as you release the mag from your gun and eject the chambered round, placing the disassembled piece down on your bedside table.

You force Lola out to do her business, the small dog grumbling the whole time you pry her away from the warm bed and even warmer man nestled under your sheets. You pick up your phone up on the way as you text Kate to see if she’s awake.

Kate: Call you in 5.

Is all you get as you’re lifting Lola back onto the bed, who immediately settles against Price’s side.

Traitor.

You think as you rummage under your sink to find your cleaning supplies. The welcome mat is burning away in a steel bin filled with lighter fluid on your balcony, but you need to clean up the rest of the blood before the nausea eats you alive. You phone begins to ring just as you’re locking your front door. You answer with a scowl as Kate says your name syrupy sweet in your ear.

“Cut the shit Kate,” you snap as you hold the phone in the crook of your neck as you start mopping Price’s blood from your tiles, “What the hell is going on?”

Series Masterlist | Next Chapter ->

[treedaddymcpuffpuff]

Excessive Force : Tom Ludlow x Fem Nurse Reader (COLLAB W/ THE INCREDIBLE @johnwickb1tsch) - Chapter One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven

TW: angst, fighting, discussion of nsfw topics

The alcohol you ingested certainly does not help with your coordination. You nearly bump into several club-goers, as if you are a salmon struggling to make your way up stream. You feel as though you can’t breathe, your skin crawling on your bones.

Once you finally burst out the doors you gasp for breath, grateful for the outside, if not polluted, air. You do not stop moving, your feet mindlessly carrying you down the sidewalk, away. All you can think, is that you want to get away.

You don’t really pay attention to your surroundings in your manic dash. Julian’s face keeps flashing in your mind. Of all the men in your life who had hurt you, none of them had been half so beguiling as Julian. None of them so fucking clever at hiding the monster inside. 

You have been a fly caught in his web, baited by his puppy dog eyes and his kindness in his doctor’s persona–you cannot understand how that man can share the same body with the dom who literally licked your blood from your palm earlier, and loved it. He lured you but now you know the only way you can be intimate with that man is through playing dangerous games with his darker side. Maybe some of them you could have enjoyed, but this? He would tease you with the crumbs of his sweetness, his kisses and caresses, but he would make you pay for them with your pain, your blood, and your submission.

It can only end in your ruin.

You would destroy yourself, trying to heal this man, while he just kept taking pieces out of you and swallowing them whole. 

As your feet slow you look around, and you realize you have no fucking idea where you are.

Well done, you fucking little idiot. Filled with crippling despair, you sink to the cracked concrete curb, ruining the seat of your silk dress, hanging your head in your hands. Asking Julian to take you home is out of the question. You can’t really afford a taxi. You could call an Uber, but the thought of getting in a car with a total stranger right now makes you feel ill. And you are way too drunk to try to navigate the Byzantine bus system of LA.

You stare at your phone, and your fingers swipe and tap of their own volition, as though to say we know what to do, you messy bitch. The phone only rings twice before a familiar, deep voice comes over the line. “Hey baby.”

“Tom?”

“What’s wrong?” 

The sleepy warmth in his tone immediately sharpens, and the fact that he hears the distress in your voice after just one word fills you with a relief that maybe you have no right to.

“Can you come get me?”

“Yes. Where are you?”

You laugh a little at that, a brittle sound you have not heard in your own voice in a long time. “I don’t know?” Your voice cracks, your throat tight, on the verge of tears. “I’m somewhere in Venice.”

There’s a silence on the other end that communicates he has an inkling of what you’ve been up to. “Are you hurt?” There’s an undertone of something dangerous in his question, but you don’t think it’s directed at you. 

“No. Just…” Scared. Embarrassed. Stupid. Heartbroken. Drunk.

You can’t bring yourself to say any of these things aloud. You settle for, “Lost.” 

It was the understatement of the century.

“Ok, honey. I’m on my way. Tell me what you see.”

You describe your surroundings as best you can, and it’s enough for this man who knows this city like the back of his hand. He has you stay on the line, asking you little questions you hardly even think about the answers you give. You’re in a different place, in your mind, and like the forever original creature that you are, you sit there and cry quietly while Tom tries to keep you talking. Meanwhile, you cannot stop picturing Julian’s face, the hunger in his eyes as he watched that poor girl being lit on fire.

By the time you hear the bass growl of Tom’s Charger swing up to the curb, you don’t know how long it’s been, only that you’re grateful for the sight. Moments later he’s kneeling in front of you, his big hands cradling your tear-streaked face like you are something precious and breakable.

At least the last part is true.

“Y/n? You ok, sweet girl?” He wipes your tears with his thumb, sweeping your damp hair back from your face. You can only imagine how terrible you must look. Waterproof mascara has its limits.

Bravely you nod, though your chin quivers tellingly. “Thank you for coming.” 

“I’ll always come for you, y/n,” he tells you with a frown, and goddammit if you don’t believe him. He’s looking you over, inspecting you for damage you’re too in shock or too embarrassed to disclose. When he finds the bandage on your hand his expression turns murderous. “What the fuck is this?”

“I cut myself,” you assure him, certain that if you don’t convince this dangerous man of the truth, Julian’s not days, but hours, are numbered. “With scissors. Opening a plant.”

Tom narrows his eyes, glaring down at the bandage like he’s not sure he believes you. “What happened then? Why are you out here alone like this?”

“Julian wanted to show me the club,” you try to answer as vaguely as possible. “But I…couldn’t handle it.” You shake your head, unable to meet his eyes. He wants to hurt you. Julian had outright told you so, but somehow before tonight, maybe you didn’t really believe him.

“Do you need to go to the hospital?” Tom asks, his voice low and pointedly gentle. You realize, a beat later, that he’s asking if you need a rape kit. You never imagined, for some reason, that this man could be as equally gentle with victims as he is harsh with perps. That warms your heart for some reason. 

You shake your head slowly. “No, nothing like that.”

He searches your face with those sharp black eyes, and you imagine that stare is probably just as effective as a lie detector. You almost didn’t even register it, maybe because it feels so natural, but his hands are on you. His hands have been on you this entire time, and his touch makes you feel anchored, like just maybe you won’t get blown away in this shitstorm.

He looks at the matching bangles around your wrists next, the thin bands of gold bearing Julian’s monogram in that delicate slanted script.

“Fucking asshole, really thinks he owns you,” Tom growls, sliding one from your hand, and crushing the soft high karat gold in his fist.  

“Hey.” Your protest is half hearted at best, and all you do is watch as he does the same to the other one, bending it beyond recognition. Destroying the precious little objects that weighed on your wrists with such heavy meaning seems to make him feel better. 

Maybe you feel lighter too.

“Trade ‘em at a pawn shop for scrap value, honey. That’s all they’re good for.”

“They were Tiffany,” you tell him with a half smile and a raised eyebrow.

“They were Bullshit & Co, baby girl.” He might just be right about that. “Didn’t really think you cared about stuff like that?” 

You shrug, because you don’t, but you’d never owned anything so fine. The novelty of it was enchanting, but maybe the real price for them was far too high.

“Can you take me home?” You think you probably look as pathetic as you sound.

He nods, pulling you to your feet with those strong hands, lifting you like you weigh nothing. You lean on him, more than you have to, and it takes all your self control not to wrap your arms around his solid torso and not let go. You realize, this is the first time all night you actually feel safe. “I’ve got you, honey. Come on.”

He walks you to the passenger side of the Charger, tucking you down into the seat, even fussing over the seatbelt. “I can do it,” you tell him softly with a brittle smile. You only see it for a flash of a second, but the rawness in his expression wipes that stupid smile right off your face. You realize that he was scared, for you, and the unlikelihood of it all makes you reach for him. 

He freezes as you touch his cheek, your thumb tracing his high cheekbone. Only belatedly do you remember it's the hand with the bandage, because you really have had too much to drink, and you start to withdraw. Not before he turns to press his lips to your palm, his hand dwarfing yours. “You’re safe now. Alright?” 

You nod, and your heart hammers in your chest as his gaze drops for a telling moment to your lips. In this vulnerable, inebriated state, safely ensconced in his car, you decide there’s nothing you would like more than to kiss Tom Ludlow, your unlikely knight in shining armor. It seems like the least you can do. You even start to lean towards him, but with a small growl he’s suddenly gone, shutting your door, and striding around to the driver's side. You almost can’t believe it.

But then again, you’re a fucking mess. Why would he want to kiss you?

Julian chooses this moment to start blowing up your phone. You send it to voicemail. As Tom pulls away, the Hemi snarling down the streets of Venice, your doctor demands,

WHERE ARE YOU?!

In answer you tap out, I can’t do this, Julian. I’m sorry. I left. You look over at Tom, a small warmth blooming in your chest, before adding, I’m safe.

Julian tries to keep talking to you, but you decide to just turn off your phone entirely, tossing it down on the floormat with your little clutch purse.You close your eyes, and sit back in the seat. Even then, you can feel Tom looking over at you.

You don’t know where you get the courage to speak, except maybe it’s just the liquid kind, and you’ll really regret it in the morning. “You’re a smart guy, Tom. Maybe you can tell me. What is it about me, that makes men want to hurt me? My whole fucking life…” Your courage does fail you then, and your mouth snaps shut.

There’s the regret. You knew it was there somewhere.

“Honey…” He reaches for you, engulfing your hand in his catcher’s mitt of a paw, squeezing. “I’ve seen a lot of bad shit over the years as a cop. The world is full of assholes. It’s full of evil. Maybe even more than good. It’s not your fault, when it finds you. Ok?”

You nod silently, but you still can’t help but think you’re like a fucking magnet for it. Julian had seemed like such a nice guy, but it turns out he literally wants to beat you with sticks–and maybe light you on fire? A bit of a roué. The understatement of the century.

And Tom seemed like an insufferable alpha asshole, but here he is, saving your ass when you had no one else to turn to.

Maybe the real lesson of the night is that you can’t trust your own judgment at all. 

You feel Tom looking over at you again, that evaluating gaze that you fear misses nothing. “You sure he didn’t hurt you?”

You shake your head again. “He just…wanted to,” you admit. “He told me about it. That’s as far as it got.” 

“Ok, sweetheart.” He squeezes your hand again, and you can’t help yourself from looking down at it in your lap, and imagining what it would be like if he slid those long fingers up your thigh, and into your panties while driving this powerful machine at breakneck speed down the road. His voice breaks you from your fantasy, leaving you blinking from the brightness of the passing headlights. “Look. Maybe that shit is all done up as something safe with all its rules and consenting adults and blah blah blah, but I’m a cop, and I know an abuser when I see one. If a man cares about you, he shouldn’t want to hurt you. Ok? Don’t let him mindfuck you, baby girl. Stay away from him. You don’t owe him anything, and he doesn’t own you.”

“You think you own me. By that logic, shouldn’t I stay away from you too?” 

He gives your thigh a little possessive squeeze. “I don’t wanna hurt you.” 

Maybe you’re a horrible judge of character, and maybe you should just listen to yourself every once in a while and stop getting into these situations, and maybe you’re just fucking stupid, but you believe Tom Ludlow. You believe him with every part of you. 

“Well, you’re sorta.” A big hiccup cuts off the middle of your sentence, and you cover your mouth. Oh, that’s how you absolutely know you’re too inebriated for your own good. 

Tom laughs. “Sorta what? Mean? Domineering? Bull headed?” 

“Cocky,” you add, using the hand on your mouth to cover your smile. Somehow, this man has already managed to cheer you up a little. 

“You can be dominant without hurting someone,” he tells you, tapping the side of your thigh with one chunky finger. You twitch a little bit, and it spreads a big grin on his face. The temptation exists to grab his hand and guide it right under the skirt of the dress, but you’re sadly not that drunk. 

“Maybe…I need a demonstration?” 

He looks so handsome when you catch him off guard, that rugged eyebrow quick and easy, raising in either confusion, humor, or a little bit of both. “Maybe I need to have dinner with you.”  

Nope. No more dates. No more, says panicking sober brain. 

“I was thinking maybe we just… skip the date?” 

“Why? So you can avoid all those feelings you have about me? This might surprise you, but I’m not much for one night stands.” 

Really? Fucking really? All his sexual innuendos and suggestions and poking and prodding and he’s suddenly the Virgin Mary? 

“Are you kidding me?” You ask, unable to hide your anger. Alcohol. It does wonders. And horrors. 

“I’d like to fuck you more than once, honey.” 

“I’m not saying it would only be once.” 

“Oh? And then the rest of the time, when we’re not fucking, you avoid me and ignore my calls?” Impenetrable Tom Ludlow seems a bit annoyed. Meanwhile, you are internally melting at his words. A man that wants to do more than just fuck you? Take advantage of you? Tom wants you? Fucking asshole. For making you feel…special. Wanted. Even if it is true.

“I don’t believe you.” 

“What?” His anger makes you flinch. 

You knock his hand off your thigh. “I said, I don’t believe you.” 

“Maybe you would if you’d give me a chance.”

“You don’t take no for an answer.” 

“Because I like you, and I’m not stupid enough to let you go.” Your internal monologue is screaming, resist. You’ve heard this shit before. 

That’s the mantra. 

You’ve heard it before.

“You just don’t get it.”

“Because you won’t let me. For Christ’s sake, it’s just one date. You wanna act all tough, but if you ask me, you’re being a coward.” 

His words hurt, and you shrink back from the deep bite of his tone. He must notice the withdrawal, because he’s reaching over to touch your cheek, to soothe you, to tame you easily with that big, warm touch. 

You smack him away. “Don’t touch me.” 

“Baby.” His voice is soft, now, and fuck him for plucking every single one of your heart strings with it. 

“No. Just let me out. I’ll walk home. I’ll call a fucking Uber.” 

“You’re not getting out of this car until I watch you walk into your apartment.” 

“You’re not the boss of me!” 

“No, but I’m bigger, stronger, and have double locks on these doors, so you’re getting home safe whether you like it or not.” 

So you stew in your frustration for the rest of the ride home, your arms crossed like a petulant child. When he pulls up to your apartment building you remember that you had not, in fact, told him where you live.

“How do you know where I live? See, this is why I didn’t go on a date with you. It’s weird that you know where I live. I didn’t even tell you, and you think I’m the one who’s doing something wrong here? You’re a real piece of work, Tom.” You’re babbling, rambling, trying to restrain drops of salty liquid from falling down your face and failing horribly.  

He turns toward you, calm and despondent. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.” 

This is the second time he’s said sorry to you since the day you met him. No, maybe the third. He just swings that word around like he does his badge, and it’s so strange. People do not say sorry to you. That apologetic roll is usually yours and yours alone, and here he is just… Just saying it? Why does it piss you off even more? 

You get out of the car, slam the door shut, and punch the security buttons for your complex. It's only after you’re safely inside that Tom drives away. 

[first-edition]

Daughter of Kaer Morhen

Smut-mas day 5

Geralt of rivia x reader

Sum- You spend all your time and days taking care or kaer morhen with your dogs but it’s only when the witchers come home you can finally relax

CW- smut, 18+ language and themes, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), oral! Fem receiving, pet names.

“Come along.” You call to your 7 dogs as they all run up to the large doors of kaer morhen aka your home. The first and only human to reside there.

You’ve lived at kaer morhen ever sconce you could remeber. Vesimer found you as a baby in the woods cold hungry and dying. He took it upon him self to feed, clothe and house you teaching you the skills of a Witcher yet brought in mages to teach you the skills to be a proper lady.

Over time you became friends with the other witchers and even a lover to one, geralt of rivia or as you and the others call him white wolf, wolf for short.

You stop in your place seeing horses tetherd and smoke roaring from the top of the hold. Running to the door you open it seeing your family. A huge smile covers your face. You place down your basket and run to them. All the men embrace you in a large group hug.

“Move aside come now let me see my daughter!” Vesimer voice travels through the room as everyone steps back.

“Father!” You exclaim and run to him hugging him he picks you up spinning.

Placing you down he pulls back too see your face. “Oh how I’ve missed those lavender eyes, fair skin and strong spirit!” He smiles and kisses your fore head.

“You look well.” He says “yes my dogs have helped me much so with winter hunt. You on the other hand look starved.” You reply and whistle one of your dogs grabs the basket walking over to you.

“Venison, bear, salmon, and mushrooms if they server your liking?” You ask “oh!! You treat me too well.” He says you smile and grab your basket.

“Your rooms are mended and fresh fur is placed….” You say but stop and look around the room counting how many are left.

“Where is wolf? And eskel?” You ask. Everyone looks around “not here m’lady” lambert says “hm.”

“I’m sure he’ll arrive” Coen replies. You nod and continue your way to the kitchen.

———

You sit your dogs around you nose head resting on your lap. A horses whine can be heard.

“That’ll be eskel he has the loudest horse.” Lambert says. You scoff. The doors open revealing the famous, large, white haird Witcher. But he’s brought someone with him a girl around the age of 16.

“Where the fuck have you been!?” Lambert exclaims as geralt places his bag down with a thud.

“We thought you were lost or killed..” coen says

Geralt chuckles “not yet..” he says and laughs as they all hug. He greets vesimer as well. Your dogs get up and run to him and greet him but bark at the sight of the girl.

You stand up “Vulcan heel!” You exclaim he whines and runs to your side “sit.” You say he does. Geralt watches you in awe missing the sight of you. Everything about you perfect to him.

“Wolf..” you say as he walks twirls you.

“You’re late..3 hours to be precise-“ he cuts you off pulling you in and kissing you. You smile into the kiss wrapping your arms around his neck.

Ciri covers her mouth not too show her smile. Geralt spoke of you before but she never invisioned the fearless heartless man to be so mezmerized by you.

You two pull away and you look into his amber eyes. “I’ve missed you.” He states, “and I you.” You reply but your sight goes to the girl.

“And who have you brought with you?” You ask. “Cirilla. This is y/n.”

“Are you a Witcher.?!” “Oh no but I am vesimers daughter, I live here tend to it whilst the witchers are gone.” You reply she smiles “pleasure to meet you!” She says “and you cirilla” “ciri.” She corrects you nod “ciri”

———

Soon eskel arrives and the party begins

The night is filled with music and laughter ciri dances with the rest.

You stand and watch by the door way.

“You’re not enjoying yourself?” Geralt asks from behind you as his large arms weapp around your waist.

“Huh? I am believe me…just parties with women of the night aren’t really my scene. I’d much rather spend it with you.” You reply turning around to face him he presses his lips against yours lightly and squeezes your waist.

You pull away and grab his hand leading him away.

Walking into the room he closes the door and smashes his lips against yours. His hands roaming your waist to your back instead of waiting to in tie your corset he rips it apart. Getting you out as soon as possible.

Opening your legs he rests in between sitting up only to take off his shirt and pants leaving you both nude. His large hard cock presses against your pussy making you gasp “Ah wolf please!” You plead out to him.

“I want to take my time with you, I haven’t seen you all year!” He huffs in your ear as he grinds himself against you. His mouth pulls from your neck. He kisses down your body between your breasts. His large calloused hand takes a breast in hand and squeezes causing you to moan out.

Kissing down your body he finds his way to your thigh kissing it as well. You look up at the ceiling and feel his tounge press against your clit causing you gasp and shift. Geralt grabs your thighs keeping you in a place as he eats you out.

His tounge swirling around you dipping into you causing your back to arch. “F-fuck geralt!” You moan out placing your hand on his head. Trying to pull him off “ngh g-geralt please I-ah I’m gonna cum.” You huff he dosnt listen and only moves up and inserts a finger then another.

Pressing against your g spot as sucking on your clit make it unbearable. Finally snapping as you cum. He dosnt rest over stimulating you.

He finally pulls away and immediately moves up to kisses you letting you taste your sweet self. You grind your hips on his dick. He pulls away hissing through his teeth.

“P-please.” You answer his gasp. “Please what!?” He growls pulling your hairs back.

“Ngh.. p-please fuck me.” You reply he kisses your neck surely leaving hickeys And angles himself up to you. “Good girl.” He huffs and pushes himself in making sure to be carful and not to hurt you. 

you moan out as he enters your pussy. 

he begins to move slowly at first to find a rythim and then rough and fast. 

Your nails drag against his back and arms being sure to leave marks. 

“F-fuck Wolf!” you exclaim you breast bouncing to his hips pounding you. 

he pulls back a bit and pulls you closer to him pulling your leg up over his large shoulder. the angle making your back arch and grabbing the sheets. “ah shit.” he curses groaning out. 

The sound of moans and groans, skin hitting skin rumbels through the room although not loud enough to reach the party loud party downstairs. 

you cletch around geralt dick as you cum. he sees this and fucks you even rougher.  “Ah ah g-geralt i-.” “come on baby” he grumbles in your ear. as he bottoms out hitting you cervix making you cum again this time its enough for him to finish as well. his warm cum pooling inside of you. 

Both if you pant coming down from your highs. he pulls out making you whimper. he chuckles and pecks your lips and moves off of you. 

geralt lays next to you an pulls you close to him. “come with me.” you says you giggle “where.” you reply “out. out of kaer morhen.” he replies. 

“you know i cant do that.” you reply. “y/n..” “wolf-” you cut him off. 

he sighs pulling you closer to him and kissing your head. “Just one year..come with me.” he says you dont reply. “y/n..” he says trailing off seeing youve fallen asleep already. he chuckles and nods kissing your head again

[weministertomonsters]

Imagine This #17 - Male Siren Pt 2

➤ Pairing - M Siren x female (3rd pov)

➤ Wordcount 1.8k

She woke up snuggled against something warm, cold, salty air pressing on all sides and turning her fingertips blue. She groaned as she stretched out her legs, wincing at the imprints in her skin where her body had lain against the rock. The ship. She had fallen off the ship.

Fully awake, she looked at the creature who had saved her. She had heard so many stories, but each tale had been wilder than the next to the point where she dismissed them all. But, here she was with a monster of the sea right before her eyes. His face was resting on his arms and appeared to be asleep, which put her at ease as she studied him.

His upper body looked mostly human; tan shoulders dappled with spots that merged into larger patches covering his salmon-pink stomach. His eel-like tail was the color of mud and seaweed, with sharp fins catching in the wind and fluttering like tiny sails. The fine skin of his tail looked irritated and cracked. She was completely dry, which meant she had been sleeping for a while. Her dress crunched slightly as she moved.

Her damp handkerchief was wadded up in the pocket of her dress. She took it and leaned down to the water to soak it and squeezed the excess water onto the merman. The cold water woke him instantly, he jerked his head up and snapped, whirling around. She shrank back, clutching the handkerchief. When his eyes fell on her, his stiffened fins relaxed instantly and his lips pulled into the emulation of an agreeable closed smile, hiding his teeth. She offered him a smile back, and he scooted towards her.

Oh no. Was he going to eat her now? With no choice other than leaping into the ocean, she was forced to remain put with her heart beating in her throat. He seemed to only use his webbed hands for swimming, for he began his full investigation of her with his face. He put his face to her neck and sniffed, nipping curiously at the jewels around her neck, then nosing at her tangled hair. She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes, because he was much too scary when he was this close, with his large body and sweeping tail crowding her.

Don't eat me...

He studied her torso. Was he looking for injuries? He sniffed her arms and found his bite from the night before, where his teeth had slightly broken the skin. She sucked in a sharp breath as he leaned in, but it was only to lick remorsefully at the wound.

"I'm alright," she said softly, her voice cracking slightly.

He replied immediately with a volley of chirps and clicks and whistles and leaned down to put his teeth to the hem of her dress.

"Stop it," she said quickly, tucking her legs protectively against her chest. "T-this dress was a gift."

He pulled back and stared at her, then cast his eyes toward the water. Pale grey things flashed in the water, circling the rocks. The merman growled, his fins fanning out like a ship's sails catching the wind. He dove into the water and the ocean's surface was immediately disturbed by ferocious splashing and fighting. She watched with large eyes. She had never seen such earnest bloodshed, even between the angriest dogs. The water began to bloom pink and red, and her heart sank. There were so many surrounding him. He was never going to make it out alive.

She stood and squinted north. She could see a sandy stretch of land, and it was not far away. If she removed her heaviest layers, she might be able to make it there. She stripped till she was down to nothing but her shift and dove into the water on the far side of the rock. It was so cold she almost cried out, but she gritted her teeth and began to swim, silently thanking her parents for having insisted on swimming lessons when she was a child.

An eternity later, she was crawling up onto the sand on shaking arms and legs. It was a miracle that the sirens hadn't eaten her whole. She rolled onto her back and gazed up at the painfully blue sky, wondering if her savior was already dead. She mumbled an apology for leaving him to his fate and let the wind carry her words away. She dragged herself up as far up on the sand as she could go and passed out.

She woke up sneezing as sand tickled her nose. Her head was bolstered against something sturdy that smelled strongly of the sea. Her tired eyes flickered open to meet a pair of eyes with slitted pupils gazing down at her. The long strands of his hair dripped chilly water on her face. In an instant, she recognized her merman.

"You're alive!"

He grunted and dropped something on the sand beside her. It was her dress, soaking wet and stinking of fish, but at least she would have more to wear than the thin shift. Searching for a way to express her happiness, she leaned up and hesitantly brushed her cheek against his. He let out a sharp trill and repeated the motion with such enthusiasm that she feared he had misunderstood her intentions.

"Wait," she stammered, half-laughing as his strength knocked her flat.

He pressed his nose to her neck, supporting most of his weight as he hovered over her.

"T-thank you for saving me."

He leaned back and squinted her face. His eyebrows furrowed and he huffed, the gills on his neck flaring. He worked his jaw for a long moment and then blurted out,

"Keep."

She was surprised that he could speak at all, but most of her attention went to what he had said. The way he looked at her coupled with that word made his intentions quite clear.

"You can't keep me," she replied, reaching up and stroking his hair "I don't belong in the sea."

"Then land? Land good," he said.

She looked around her. Beyond the small strip of sand, there was a forest that grew thick, dark, and tangled. The tide was rising, which meant soon she would be forced to venture into the trees. She had no idea where she was.

"I need more than land," she said. "I need food, and water, and a bath... I need a house with fireplaces to keep warm, and a garden and-" She snapped out of her thoughts as the merman slithered towards the water.

"Wait!" She jumped up, but he was slipping into the frothy sea and out of sight.

It didn't feel right to leave like this, and the sky was turning pink and gold, in any case. She couldn't wander around in the dark. She shook out her dress and laid it on some rocks to dry. She sat and watched the sky bloom with color and begin to darken, and she wondered if anyone thought she was still alive. Surely not. She tucked her chin against her knees and huddled against the cold, blowing on her numb fingers.

Her merman eventually returned as the tide was sweeping higher, devouring almost the entire beach. He was gripping a badly mangled fish in one hand. He chirped.

"Oh!" She looked at the mess and grimaced. "I can't eat that."

He looked confused. "Fish... Not good?"

"It will be good if I can build a fire," she said, jumping up to her feet and hurrying into the trees.

The merman watched her go, shifting uneasily. She was unused to being barefooted, especially on such rough terrain. A curse slipped out of her mouth as a sharp stick jabbed at her foot.

"Heavens. If Mother saw me now..." She murmured.

She didn't dare venture too far lest she get lost, but she was able to return with a decent armful of sticks and twigs and dry grass. She dumped the pile on the sand and turned.

"If only I can find two decent rocks," she said to herself, scouring the ground with her eyes.

Soon it would be too dark to see. She found two rocks that looked similar to what she had seen used in her travels. She had watched a lot of things done in the wilderness but didn't know how to accomplish much of anything herself. It took nearly half an hour of striking the rocks together before a spark caught. She blew on it carefully, adding small pieces of grass until the wood was properly burning. She held her hands to the small flames, nearly crying tears of joy.

"I may last the night after all," she announced to the merman, who was staring at the fire.

She took the fish with a grimace and began to try and make some sense of it, yelping when she stuck her finger on a sharp bone. She managed to salvage some of it. The charred fish tasted strong and salty, but at least it was edible. She crammed the rest of it into her mouth and chewed hastily. Now she was thirsty, but she knew better than to try and drink the salty ocean water.

"Thank you," she said to the merman, wiping her fingers on her handkerchief, which she then discarded onto the sand.

The merman pulled himself towards her, the flames reflecting in his dark eyes. She let him get as close as he wanted because she was a little curious about him herself.

"Why did you save me from the others?" She asked, looking down at his tail, which was crossed with silvery scales in many places.

He turned away, looking almost guilty. She caught his jaw, her fingers brushing over the gills on his neck. He let out a full-body shiver at the contact and finally looked into her eyes. His hair had dried into curls. She tucked the longest parts behind his pointed ear.

"You sang to me," she said. "I remember."

He chirped and leaned into her touch.

"I won't pretend I understand why," she said as she looked at him. "But you didn't kill me, and I'm grateful for that."

He smiled, and his teeth flashed golden in the light of the flames.

"Sleep," he said, curling himself around her and pulling her down so her head rested on his stomach. He made a pleased sound, adjusting himself into a comfortable position on his side.

She could hear the low purr in his throat. She gazed up at the stars, unease twisting in her belly. He might not have eaten her, but he probably wasn't going to let her go.

[k1ngdom-of-thieves]

Can you do the dorm leaders + Lilia with a S/O who says random things when spaced out and has random "weapons"? (For example, during their hangout they just space out and randomly say "Skin rug." or whatever pops up in their mind and keep a potato peeler and point it at anyone if they say anything about their partner)

I’m so sorry but I couldn’t fit Lilia into this prompt, but please feel free to send in another ask for him!!

Dorm Leaders with a s/o that creates random weapons!

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle has never been more confused about a person in his life. For a guy who’s entire life is based on rules, your apparent lack of them was nothing short of bewildering.

There was a time when you walked in on Floyd “teasing” Riddle. It’s straight up bullying. You appeared behind the both of them and whispered “grilled salmon”. Next thing both of the boys knew, you had a lighter in your hand!!

Riddle was absolutely mortified. How could you have such a thing on campus?? IN THE LIBRARY?? He’s glad that you cared about him enough to try to fight on his behalf, he just wished you didn’t do it inside.

Your random weapons are definitely something he has to get used to, but he loves you enough to try. You’re gonna have to give him some time though.

“Is it really necessary for you to have a hammer when I’m trying to feed the flamingos? I appreciate that you care, but if you hold it in your left hand, you’d be violating rule 423.”

Leona Kingscholar

Leona really didn’t mind your random weapons. If they didn’t do something to interrupt his naps, he didn’t have any reason to dislike them.

Most people aren’t dumb enough to try and threaten the housewarden of Savanaclaw, but the few that do are rarely prepared for going against his s/o first. Especially when they’re holding a wooden paddle.

At this point, Leona just kicks back and watches the underclassmen shit themselves. He knows you probably won’t end up hitting them but you don’t have to if they already ran away.

He’d be kinda confused on where and how you get these things onto campus, but usually not enough to ask you about it.

“Listen, I’m all for you wanting to “protect my honor”, but do you need to bring medieval weapons to watch us play spell drive?”

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul isn’t nearly as confused as some of the other dorm leaders. After years of dealing with Floyd and Jade, there isn’t much that surprises him anymore.

Although he wishes that you wouldn’t stand behind his potential clients with a frying pan when he’s trying to make a deal. He will admit that you’d be great security alongside the Leeches.

The Monstro Lounge gets a significant increase in signed contracts after Azul and you started dating. He’s very thankful for your “assistance” even if you were just standing there and takes you out to various dinner dates as a way of thanking you.

Octavinelle basically becomes the scariest place to be for those outside of the dorm. For everyone in it, seeing you with random weapons of destruction is just part of a normal day.

“As much as I love your contributions to my business, I have to ask that you don’t bring a spear to our dinner.”

Kalim Al Asim

Kalim thinks that’s the coolest shit in the world. You can just say a phrase and an object just comes out of your sleeve?? You’re like the great fairy that helped the poor stepdaughter!

Even after he realizes that it’s not magic, he still thinks it’s cool. Jamil on the other hand, doesn’t. I

He thinks that it’s great how the two closest people in his life are also the best bodyguards in the world!! How could a guy possibly ask for more than that?

“Hey, can you teach me how to pull weapons out of my sleeves? Oh wait, my dorm uniform doesn’t have sleeves. Well maybe you could teach me when I have my school uniform!”

Vil Schoenheit

Vil appreciates your dedication to keeping him safe, but he really doesn’t think it’s necessary. He has Rook as a flamboyant guard dog after all.

One time during the Halloween season the magicam monsters tried to grab Vil to take a picture with him. Little did they know that almost turned ended up with them losing their lives.

All they heard was someone whisper “monster chopper” and that already sent shivers down their spine. One thing led to another and then they were being chased by an axe-wielding vampire. Epel thought you were so badass

That was honestly the highlight of that year’s Halloween for most of the Pomefiore students, Vil included. Although he did give you some pointers to hold the axe a little more elegantly next time.

“Thank you for driving those terrible monsters off. I don’t think they would have let me go without a fight.”

Idia Shroud

Idia was probably terrified the first few times you did that. He visibly jumps when you randomly pull out Crowley’s whip to threaten some Savanaclaw students. How did you even get that

After a while, he just accepts it as part of his new norm. It wasn’t that difficult seeing that Ortho basically does the same thing as you but with military grade weapons.

He does wish that you wouldn’t make a scene with him right there. He already gets nervous walking around school, and now you’ve got EVERYONE looking at him.

Ortho appreciates your devotion to the special cause. Protecting Idia. Sometimes you two team up to make sure no one can bother him while he’s out buying manga.

“O-ortho? Y-y/n? why is everyone looking at us?? I told you guys to not harass people in my name when I’m out buying the limited edition copy of the Legend of Ganon.”

Malleus Draconia

Malleus actually finds your little quirk amusing. He has no shortage of guards and most people wouldn’t dare attacking him in the first place, so your protectiveness of him is quite odd.

He appreciates that you actually wait until a situation is most likely to turn into a fight before threatening someone. A couple of his guards are the “argue first, question second” type of people. cough Sebek cough

He does wonder where you get the weapons from. At first, he was under the impression that the words you said “summoned” them but he quickly found them to be unrelated.

He’s honestly really flattered that you protect him not out of a sense of duty, but because you genuinely care for him. Of course he has the majority of Disomnia keeping him safe but you were one of the only people to do so out of love.

“My darling, you can put away the potato masher. I’m fairly sure that the imbeciles started running after you said “brain crush”.”

[bubuslutty]

Day 4: baked salmon

this is part 4, all parts

pairing: demon/angel!fem reader x 141

word count: 2.3k

tags: no use of y/n, 3rd person pov, proofread by me so sorry for any mistakes

warnings: none

summary: Angel accidently falls asleep under the sun and gets saved by a knight in shining armor, or an angel, it's the same thing in her head, both glowing and glorious. + imagine getting cockblocked by potatoes 🧍‍♀️

a/n: I know the chapters are called day 2, day 3, ect but it doesn't necessarily mean they happen one right after the other, it's just days of her interacting with the boys.

Two days in the office as a sex therapist wasn't too bad. Angel actually likes working with clients because she gets to see humans and how they react to their environment and relationships, with others and themselves. Of course, she had to do a bit of homework and study to be qualified, but it’s nothing a couple of days of intense learning and superhuman intelligence couldn’t fix. All she had was to tap into her powers and suddenly, she knew everything she had to know.

How convenient it was to be an angel, or a demon in her case.

Angel’s usual wish assignments are more often than not related to earthly desires such as money, fame and lust, maybe love too, but she always had to realise wishes that were considered a sin in many religions. Greed, gluttony, lust. She has worked with all of them. And whether those wishes were good or evil, it doesn’t matter to her, because fate takes care of that, her job is to realise the wish and nothing else.

By human standards, she would definitely be considered a demon, a succubus even, especially now.

“I should get a tattoo…” Angel mumbled, lounging on her messy bed, laptop on her stomach, looking at images of succubus womb tattoos. Kuromi meowed, removing the woman’s attention from her laptop’s screen.

“Hm?” Angel hummed, looking at her cat, standing by her bedroom door. Kuromi meowed again, making Angel gasp, “Yes! You’re so right!”

The woman immediately closed her laptop and ran to her phone, checking the weather. It looked like today was going to be hot and nice, even though it was cold as shit the day before.

That’s typical British weather for you.

“You’re so smart, Kuromi.” Angel said and sent a flying kiss to the cat, who lifted her tail and walked out, completely unbothered. Angel opened one of her drawers that had multiple bikinis and swimsuits. She started getting naked on the spot, excited to change and go downstairs to sunbathe in her garden. When she changed into one of her bikini sets, she dug for one of her hats and got a random green bucket hat for the sun, shades and a bottle of suncream.

If there’s one thing she’ll never forget while being in this realm, is that the sun is unforgiving and harsh, unless you want to look like a baked salmon or get skin cancer, you have to protect yourself.

Angel hummed while walking down her stairs, going straight for the fridge and getting herself a small water bottle and a Coke in case she got thirsty, and then a random magazine that was left on her counter, a Bluetooth speaker and a yoga mat.

She happily started getting settled in the middle of her garden, where there was no shade. Angel could hear some of her neighbours hanging out in their gardens too, low music, people chatting, children giggling and dogs barking and elderly people complaining about the noise. She sat on her yoga mat and started rubbing sun cream all over her skin, making sure to not miss a spot, and struggled to get her back but ended up giving up, “I’ll do it later when I turn around…” She grumbled.

After setting up her music and lowering the volume, she laid down on her back, sunglasses and bucket hat on. Angel took a deep breath, loving the heat of the sun and closed her eyes.

“I’ll do it later when I turn around…” She, in fact, did not turn around.

Angel ended up falling asleep with her mouth open, right under the sun, in the process of baking. However, earlier, the sky was not the only thing that witnessed her stupidity in real-time.

Her very sexy neighbours all decided to hang out outside, to enjoy the sun like normal people when they saw her asleep in the middle of her garden. John came out in shorts and sandals, wearing his very stylish bucket hat and sunglasses, a book in hand when he saw her. Of course, he saw her, they literally had the shittiest, lowest fence ever, and it practically gave no one much privacy. But it’s not like they're going to complain when they get to see her looking like that.

“Steaming Jesus…” Johnny said, lowering his sunglasses so he can get a better look.

“What sort of shitty cliché film are we in?” Gaz laughed in disbelief. Not only did they have a nice house (minus the shitty garden fence), but a very hot, very friendly, smart and funny neighbour.

“Are you complaining?” Soap asked the man.

“Me? Hell no, that’s one beautiful woman.” Gaz said with a nod.

“Stop staring, you creeps.” Ghost came up from behind them and grabbed both of their necks, lowering their heads. Both Soap and Gaz whined at their superior, turning around and sitting in their garden lounge chairs, doing their own thing.

John already had his nose buried in his book while Ghost closed his eyes and covered his face with a cap. Gaz was playing music through a Bluetooth speaker and was knitting at the same time, humming to the lyrics of whatever song was playing, and Soap was doodling in a sketchbook, bopping his head to Gaz’s music.

20 minutes passed peacefully until John closed his book and checked his watch. His change in demeanour was immediately noticed by his men, even Ghost lifted the cap and peeked at his captain with one eye. “It’s been 20 minutes and she hasn’t moved an inch, how long has she been sleeping there for?” He said with a frown.

“That woman is literally going to bake under the sun,” Gaz said, looking at Soap.

“She will if we dinnae wake ‘er up.” Soap agreed.

“Why do you even care?” Ghost asked, surprising Price.

“Because we’re not shite neighbours, Simon.” Soap said in that annoying voice he thinks drives Ghost up the wall, but Ghost secretly thinks it’s cute.

“Yeah, don’t be a dickhead, Simon,” Gaz said, batting his eyelashes at the soldier, hiding his annoying grin behind the scarf he was knitting.

“Enough, go wake her up, Gaz.” John said, and Gaz placed his unfinished scarf in his chair and walked up to the fence, and cleared his throat loudly.

Angel didn’t move an inch and he turned around, to look at the others.

“Call ‘er name!” Soap whispered.

“Why are you whispering?” Ghost side-eyed Soap, who absolutely ignored him.

“Angel, wake up, please?” Gaz tried again, squinting his eyes to try to see if her chest was moving up and down. Call him paranoid but she wasn’t moving, and he couldn’t for the life of him see if she was breathing or not from his position.

Gaz immediately jumped over the fence and rushed to her side and placed two fingers on her pulse, at the side of her neck. Soap, Ghost and Price were all up now, standing next to the fence, and all sighed in relief when Gaz turned around and gave them a thumbs-up.

Gaz scanned her lax face and decided to lift her head with one hand and used the other to gently tap one of her cheeks, “Angel, wake up.”

Angel woke up with a gasp as if she was holding her breath the whole time, maybe she was, who knows, her body can do freaky stuff when it forgets it's wearing the skin of a human. When she opened her eyes, Angel was so confused, was she in heaven?? Because what the shit, this is a real angel right there.

“What time is it?” She groggily said, her hand going up by itself to cup Gaz’s cheek.

“Half past one. You were knocked out and we got worried you’d bake under the sun.” Gaz said with a chuckle, and reality finally hit her. Angel abruptly sat up and Gaz grabbed both of her shoulders, “Hey, slow down.”

“Water, Gaz.” Price reminded the man and Gaz immediately grabbed the now warm water bottle next to her, unscrewed the cap and poured a bit in his palm and patted her hot cheeks.

“Oh, that feels good.” Angel moaned, not realising how hot she truly was.

“That was dangerous, you know that right? Sleeping under the sun with no shade.” Gaz said, wiping his wet hand on his naked chest.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep…” Angel sheepishly said, glancing at the other three men looking at her.

“I’m sorry for worrying you, and thank you for waking me up, Gaz.” Angel said, placing a hand on his, which was on her yoga mat, next to her thigh. Gaz’s eyes widened, looking at her hand on his and looked back up again. She was smiling at him, and his heartbeat sped up. Gaz could feel his guys looking at him, at them, but he couldn’t look away from her eyes and lips. Especially her lips.

“You don’t, uh” he choked out then cleared his throat, “You don’t have to apologise…”

“Okay.” Angel whispered, those big beautiful eyes staring at him like he was the sun and the sky, and Gaz felt like he was going to fucking die.

“Who fancies a barbeque? I feel like grilling, today.” Price spoke, breaking the spell. Gaz retrieved his hand and stood up, stretching his arms behind his head, trying to hide his flustered state.

“Oh yeah!” Soap grinned.

“That sounds really nice, enjoy your barbeque, guys.” Angel said, collecting her phone and Bluetooth to get inside, she had enough sun for today. Maybe she’ll watch a show on her laptop, or read a book.

“Where are you going?” Price frowned, stopping her in her tracks, all of her stuff clutched in her arms.

“What?”

“You’re invited, Angel.” Price said.

“Am I?”

“Of course, lass! What type of neighbours would we be if we didnae invite our favourite neighbour?” Soap said with a huge grin.

“Soap, I’m the only neighbour you’ve spoken to since moving in.” Angel deadpanned and Soap shrugged with his arms crossed, the dog tags glinting over his hairy chest under the sun.

“I’ll go get the grill ready.” Ghost said, walking towards their shed.

“Hi, Ghost!” Angel quickly greeted him.

“Hi, Angel.” He replied, without looking back.

Gaz slowly walked up to the fence, “I’ll go prep the meat.” he mumbled and jumped over, glad to escape her hypnotising eyes and lips.

“Wait, I don’t know what to bring!” Angel’s smile fell when she realised she has never been invited to a barbeque before and has no idea what to bring, she has seen humans having barbeques but she doesn’t know what they would like her to bring.

“You don’t have to bring anything, honey.” Angel was now right in front of her fence, knees touching the scratchy wood and watching Price move the chairs around to make space for the grill.

“Uhm, Soap! Please come over and get stuff you guys don’t have.” Angel quickly said and grabbed for the man’s arm as if he’d run away. She really didn’t want to be rude and not bring anything to the barbeque, and she knows that Soap loves food and knows so much more about cooking than she does.

This is absolutely pathetic for someone with her powers, but she never claimed to be perfect, has she?

And how could Soap ever say no to that face?

“Of course, hun.” Soap grinned and jumped over the fence, taking the water bottle and unopened can of Coke away from her. “And these are going in the trash.” He said, walking inside her house and straight to the kitchen as if he always lived there.

.

.

.

“For how long are they supposed to boil?” Angel asked, frowning down at a pot with boiling water and whole potatoes.

“Leave the potatoes alone and come chop the chives.” Soap said, glancing up at the woman with amusement. Angel was still wearing her bikini and her cute green bucket hat, standing there in the kitchen with him.

Angel sighed and stood next to Johnny, grabbing the knife and starting to chop the chives. Soap watched the woman try to chop the chives and get frustrated that it was hard even though the chives were thin and small. Soap had to admit, she might be PhD smart and hot as fuck but she was actually useless with a knife.

Soap sighs, standing behind her and grabbing the knife away from her hand. “Watch, that’s how you do it.” He said and she nodded, watching him hold the chives with one hand and chop them with the other with ease. “See? Easy peasy, now try again.”

Angel grabbed the knife and tried again, and she was instantly better, a bit slow but better than her mediocre previous tries. “How long does potato salad take to make?” Angel looked over her shoulder and asked, looking at Soap, who was still standing behind her.

“Like half an hour? The only long parts are boiling the potatoes and chilling the salad.” Soap said, making her nod and turn back to chopping her chives.

“Do you have someone, lass?” Soap suddenly asked, making her look up from her chives and stare at the cupboard in front of her.

“Am I dating someone?” She repeated.

“Aye.”

Angel noticed the change in Soap’s usual friendly and teasing tone, and placed her knife down on the chopping board, and slowly turned around.

“No, why?” Angel raised a brow and Soap kept looking at her with an unreadable expression.

“Just got a lad wondering.” He shrugged, crossing his arms over his glorious naked and tan chest.

“Just a lad wondering…” Angel hummed, touching his dog tags with one hand, “Are you dating someone?”

“No, why?” Soap slowly grinned and took a step forward.

“Just got a lass wondering.” Angel grinned back, pulling him forward by his dog tags.

A loud hiss startled the two of them and Angel panicked, “The potatoes!”

tag list (pls ask to be added or removed): @obiwankenobis-lap @goapgrim @smalldemonlover @loveyhoneydovey @cutiecusp @pinkwigonmytv @mandythemint @itsberrydreemurstuff @tapioca-marzipan @fruitymoonbeams-blog @poohkie90 @chaoticevilbakugo @anubis-reed @thefairybird @skytacvia @marytvirgin @cynicalmnm @maechanexe @t0jis-worm @1800imgay @4ndjelij4 @multitargaryen @lilpothoscuttings @mysticalpandabear

[hersurvival]

I am from a land of naught, barren wastes of sharp peaks, valleys so deep you can't escape, a bitter cold you'll never shake

Mount Susitna in her slumber watches me, Lady Aurora dances overhead, the Matanuska flows through my veins, the silt blowing from her feet into my lungs

Glacial streams have carved me out, water so cold and blue, it's unreal, soaking my bones, look beneath my skin, dive into my heart, feel its chill, it's threat

Eyes green as moss, as mold, as the lichen the caribou search for in the tundra, in the woods, as the dead grass on the side of the road as the snow begins to run-off

Excuse me, for I was raised by moose standing among the trees, black bears crossing highways in the night, eagles screeching, salmon spawning, one of the world's fastest tides

Beware the Keelut, malevolent dog tracks that vanish in the snow, the Tornit and his foul smell, The People-Stealers who sing a poor birdsong to lure, and whatever you do, don't wander into "the triangle"

This is where I belong, descended from government contracted potato farmers and immigrants who fought and lived through war, birthed in the cradle of mountains, hovered upon even when I'm gone, always returning home to their hold, captured by my mind, my soul

I've made it out, been dragged back in, I was born of this, raised in this, driven by survival insticts not thought, the cold has set in and I found every where else unfit to live

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Ok! I’m the one that made the siren request! When I said hunting I meant like, giant whales and sharks

so reader brings the characters whales and sharks now that they are officially together

-Ask anyone about hunting and they will answer with things like deer, elk, moose, and ducks to name a few, that’s what (Love) thought about when someone asked him about what to hunt.

-When you started given him shells and other gifts, courting him, and after he accepted, you discussed hunting with him, as potential mates and partners would hunt for each other, to show that they are a provider.

-This made sense to him, finding it logical, as one wouldn’t want to be stuck with someone who didn’t provide or do anything to contribute to the relationship and you both agreed to go hunting and he would treat you to something called barbeque. You didn’t know what it was, but you saw the way his eyes lit up, so you knew it had to be something special.

-So that meant that you had to find him something super special!!

-When (Love) arrived at the beach and began to prepare a bonfire for the barbeque, dragging a buck behind him, he could only drop everything, gawking as you were beaming brightly, draped over the body of a massive, as in 16-foot-long, great white shark, the results of your own hunting trip.

-He couldn’t believe what he was seeing, approaching and you had bright sparkly eyes, seeing the buck, as you wanted to see what those strange things coming out of its head was.

-(Love) couldn’t help but laugh as he dragged the buck over and you both got to inspect each other’s kills, he looked in the mouth of the shark, seeing all the teeth, in awe, while you were stroking the antlers, finding them rough and they felt like nothing you had ever felt before!

-(Love) hesitated, not wanting to offend you, before asking about siren hunting, curious about the things that you normally hunted.

-You beamed brightly, telling him that your preferred prey items were crustaceans, as you loved crabs, and you liked larger fish with more meat, like tuna. However, there were certain things you didn’t hunt, dolphins, who actually were like dogs to you as dogs are to normal humans, and they help you hunt and turtles, because their taste wasn’t good, but you did scavenge, when the turtles passed away, their shells, as they were very beautiful and useful tools, and you did something similar to whales, scavenging for their bones, as they made strong weapons and tools.

-You made (Love) laugh when he asked if you ate whale meat and you made a face before you explained, “Whale meat is very fatty, as it’s very cold where they are. Most of their meat has a very thick layer of blubber over the top and if you cut that away, all that’s left is thin muscular meat that is very hard to chew, unless if you’re a shark.”

-He started the barbeque and you started breaking down your shark, pulling back the skin and getting to the meat as he told you about things that he hunted, like the buck and you were amazed at the diversity of game on the surface, to you at least since you were used to everything in the ocean, which was mundane to you but amazing to (Love).

-You were more elated to be gifted the antlers rather than the barbequed meat, holding them up and (Love) roared with laughter when he showed you that they floated, which would make them a little difficult to take down to your own home.

-You were both in awe of your different catches, the buck was lean but so flavorful, so unlike anything you had ever had before, “It’s a bit chewy but so juicy!” and he nodded, biting into a piece of grilled shark, “It looked fatty so I thought it was going to be greasy- but it’s not greasy at all- it’s almost like lean salmon!”

-The two of you enjoyed your meals, laughing and spending time with each other, having proved that you are both providers and it made you smile, thinking about what kind of father he would be in the future, but you weren’t going to rush anytime soon, at least just yet.

[fountainpenguin]

"Pretend to be sweet! Speak with a smile... Even if you're mad, play it cool for a while..." (x)

---

New Dog's Life chapter today! ~ 3rd Life series fan-season

Chapter 15 - “Scald (Ren, Jimmy, Scar)”

❤️ Read on AO3

💛 Start from Chapter 1

💚 More Pixels Imperfect fics

---

While Impulse prowls in search of Bdubs, life goes on. Ren, Joel, Jimmy, Tango, and Cleo get along in their respective spheres. And Scar? ... Well, since Etho never showed up for Session 2, Scar's teamed with a bunch of other explorers to tackle a cave adventure. With a group that large, it's only a matter of time before hunters turn on quarries...

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

---

Renthedog - Chicken

Quarry: ZombieCleo

Hunter: Smajor1995

Allegiance: Unaffiliated

💚  💛  ❤️

"Hey." Is that a weird thing to say to a guy you haven't seen since his particles dissolved? He looks better now, standing with his hands in his hoodie pockets. In traditional Joel fashion, he got a new outfit for Session 2. The hoodie's sky blue. Puffy pastel letters spell out Glitch Survivor down the front, surrounded by four hearts, several azaleas, and little sparkles.

Skizzleman stole the traits of Tropical Fish

Actually, the whole thing looks glittery. It's childish and goofy and he looks snug and content, like Ren didn't catch him staring at his reflection for a little too long while they changed in the shower house. Ren has questions (which will go unanswered) regarding what went on between Joel's boss and the skin designers in the community mere days ago.

Not that I'm one to talk. I'm going all-in on the farmer's aesthetic this time around. It just sort of happened to him. Honestly? Can't complain, dude. The flannel shirt is comfy, the jeans aren't so bad, and the whole vibe fits his familiar suspenders pretty well. He's half worried he'll overheat, so he keeps rolling the sleeves back to his elbows.

If he were to put it into words, he's playing into that vibe of all the world in chaos while he serves smiles and escapism in his pretty little garden. In fact, Ren gets up from the muck, taking out a handkerchief to wipe dirt form his hands, and walks over to join Joel by the fence. He leans against it. Joel tilts his head. He's got little panda ears.

"'Hey' yourself, Ren. Ooh, look at you working hard in the chaos game."

"Thanks, man. You're looking good on green again; nice, nice- A+ material."

Skizzleman stole the traits of Salmon

"Yeah, Grian kicked me back up since, y'know… the whole 'creeper glitch' wasn't meant to happen and I did get my proper quarry kill." Joel points two thumbs at the bubbly text across his chest. "He'd better watch his ruddy little backend, though, because I intend to hit purple before I see yellow again. This order is tall, but so am I." His eyes roam behind Ren, wandering the other side of the fence. His fingers tap together inside his hoodie pocket. "Got quite a bit of wheat there, haven't you?"

"Wheat?" He keeps his tone light and friendly, but repeats the word 'wheat' to make it undeniable what he's referring to. "Take a bit if you like; leave something if you want. It's my community garden. This, my friend, is a safe space." He glances left and right, then leans forward, dipping his voice. He even lifts one hand to catch his words, though no one seems to be around eavesdropping. "Seems to me like you're less likely to get sniped off if your would-be murderer knows you'll respawn a few blocks away to have your revenge! And lay waste to them completely where they stand!"

Joel lifts both brows, curious but flat-mouthed. "Eeeh… Not the most exciting content for you, is it? I mean… You could achieve the same thing by lurking near your base. Or plopping your bed down anytime you anticipate a fight, if you wanna be some sort of freak… Also, I'm pretty sure you can't strike your hunter back if you drop from green life to yellow? You're still yellow, right? That's a passive color."

bigbst4tz2 stole the traits of Creeper Skizzleman stole the traits of Turtle

"… Look, it's cool, okay? Spawn's cool." Ren gestures sideways, flapping the handkerchief. "I'm in my peaceful arc right now. Spawn shall be the most beautiful place to rest one's head!"

Joel looks around, skeptic impatience dancing on his lips. Spawn isn't technically a peninsula, but it stands on a raised, flat bit of land overlooking the rushing river. The wind's gusty up here, bamboo and jungle trees swishing. Ren's got his hidden chickens and pigs.

Thus far, his play session consists mostly of bartering with Scott and Skizz for the right to breed their sheep. They helped him lead the sheep back in return for the right to take two chickens, and the haughty stare in Scott's gaze warned Ren that he wouldn't hesitate to kill every animal in his underground hidey-hole, regardless of what killing so many and swapping traits that many times in a row would do to his stomach. He needs to move them. The Sushi Boys know where they are right now and that's not a good strat.

GoodTimesWithScar stole the traits of Enderman

"Peaceful, yeah," Joel says. He leans against the fencepost, cupping his cheek in one hand. Well, one panda paw. "Say… Any chance I could pull you away from your work for a couple hours, mate? Promise it'll be worth your while."

"Oh?"

"You got shovels?" Joel summons his own to his hand with a flick of the wrist. It's stone, unimpressive, but he taps it against the edge of the fence like it's made of netherite. "I'm thinking we go about digging up sand. It won't be a monopoly, but Grian always makes a grab at it, and I think yoinking it before he tries will be the best strat."

"… Seems like he'll come after you once he realizes you've got it."

"Hope he does. I want him-" Joel makes a shhhhluck! sound, gliding the shovel scoop across his own throat. "You get me? Come on; we'll make a game of it."

Ren frowns, one ear twitching like he's got a flea. He tries not to glance at the place he hid his animals, though that means jerking his eyes back to Joel as they start to drift sideways. "Well… It sounds like you might be luring me away for a bit of thievery-"

"Oh, like you've got better plans today. You and your smelly little farm, your smelly little livestock…"

So he's already aware of them. He's not trying to fake me out. Ren lifts his hands. "All right; you've convinced me. Let's have ourselves a dig, my friend." For the sake of content creation. For the sake of getting out of his own head, too… Apart from his visit to Scott and Skizz, he's pretty much been gardening all day long. He's got an inventory full of bread and a back-up chest to boot.

And I know I'm not his quarry…

[Full chapter on AO3 - Link at top]

[spicycinnabun]

pt. 1 2 3 🧜🏻‍♂️

Mickey snorted, smoke coming out his nostrils. What the fuck could he show him? How to drown in the lake? The merman continued to watch him expectantly, though, with those curious bright green eyes, and Mickey felt weird—almost like he didn’t want to disappoint him or something.

He exhaled. “Alright, but it ain’t gonna be anythin’ as impressive as that jump. Don’t go throwing no rotten seaweed at me.”

Pinching his cigarette between his lips to hold it there, Mickey dug into his other pocket, taking out a piece of bone white paper. Luckily, the breeze had calmed almost to a standstill, so he could use his lap as a table without worrying about it blowing away. With a delicacy he lacked in all other aspects of his being, Mickey started folding the paper.

While Ian didn’t know what to expect, he was just excited to see a human trick. It was wild what Mickey did, making something white appear from his pocket. Part of Ian thought that was it, but no, there was more.

It took a minute, but eventually, Mickey produced a lotus. Feeling more than a bit foolish, he leaned down and lowered the origami flower into the water, where it slowly floated over to the merman.

Ian watched with wide, excited eyes. “Wow! What is it?” Ian picked it up to look, but it had become even more fragile since it had gotten wet. “Oh no.”

He frowned softly, not wanting it to disappear, but his wet hands made it worse. The paper disintegrated and washed away in the water quicker than it had appeared. Ian looked up at Mickey dejectedly. He had wanted to keep it.

There was just something so innocent about Ian. It made Mickey wonder if it was an act at all. Or, like, maybe Ian was special, and his fishsitter was out there somewhere looking for him. Fuck, that would make Mickey such a fucking pervert for checking him out.

“It’s just some stupid origami,” Mickey said, ashing his cigarette out on the boat. “I can make another.”

“It’s not stupid. I liked it.” Ian was delighted. He started smiling again, his tail swinging beneath the water.

Mickey fought a smile of his own. Ian’s fish tail was almost like a dog’s tail wagging.

He didn’t have proper origami paper—just pages from his drawing pad he’d stuffed in his shorts should inspiration strike. Mickey took another out and carefully folded it into an angelfish. This time, he held it out to the merman to take.

Ian’s eyes widened again when he noticed what the shape was. “You made me a fish?” Ian took it and put it in the water, laughing as the same thing happened. “Guess that white stuff can’t get too wet, huh?”

“No… it’s paper,” Mickey explained with his typical limited patience, trying to shake off the unsettling feeling that he really wasn’t talking to somebody human. Because even people on the short bus knew what paper was, and Ian seemed (again) genuinely confused.

“Oh. Paper.” Ian was getting bored of the paper anyway. “ You sure you don’t wanna get into the water and cool down? You’re kinda looking like a lobster.” Mickey was quickly going from white to red.

“I’m sure. Don’t feel like sinkin’ to my death today.” Mickey glanced down at his torso. Fuck, he really was starting to burn. He got up, heading to the cabin and climbing down the stairs.

“Are you squidding me? I wouldn’t let that happen,” Ian said, but Mickey had already disappeared.

Mickey was reluctant to take his eyes off spicy salmon roll over there, but he needed to cover himself. There was a T-shirt in his backpack, so he put that on, cringing a little at how sweaty he was and how the fabric brushed against his burnt skin. Then he climbed back out, weirdly relieved that Ian was still there. “We should probably head back to the harbor soon.”

The sun would go down in a couple of hours, and Mickey didn’t want to lose visibility even more. He didn’t know if Ian even knew the direction to take him to shore.

Mickey’s body was more covered up. Ian sighed and felt himself starting to pout. Mickey wasn’t going to swim with him then. “I can’t... go that close to the harbor.”

He couldn’t be above the surface for that much longer, either. Interacting with a human was one thing, especially since Mickey didn’t even believe he was a merman, but he couldn’t risk being seen by anyone else.

Mickey’s mouth twisted a little. So what, he was supposed to just leave the guy out here, in the middle of the fuckin’ lake? Hopefully, Ian could swim back to wherever he came from, or Mickey would call the coastguard when he got to shore.

“You have to raise that sail, and then I can push you towards the harbor... but only if you promise to come back and visit me.” Ian was so lonely sometimes. He just wanted someone to swim with.

Mickey eyed Ian and that ridiculous pout. Fuckin’ hell… As if Mickey was the only decent company he could get. That wasn’t right. “And just how’m I gonna find you again, huh?”

That could’ve been his subtle way of asking the merman for his number. The guy was shark raving mad, sure, but Mickey had never been entirely sane himself, either.

Fuck it. He was intrigued, a little scared, and a little turned on. He was basically living in this boat, too. He didn’t have much else going on.

All Ian could think about was how happy he was that the human fish was asking him how he could find him again. Mickey wanted to see him again? His tail started to quiver and then thrash. “All you have to do is say my name when you’re out here all alone again, and I’ll come find you. Promise.” He knew that Mickey finding him again could be tricky, but he had no doubt that Mickey could and would find him tomorrow. “You’ll swim tomorrow when you’re not so red?”

Mickey felt a slight pang of disappointment when Ian fed him that fairy-tale line. That sounded an awful lot like some bullshit rejection, but contrary to his words, Ian looked like Mickey had just told him he’d won the lottery. Talk about wearing your emotions on your tail.

Also, the guy would not give up trying to get him to swim.

“Yeah, maybe. We’ll see,” Mickey replied. He scratched his neck, cringing a little when his skin prickled hotly. That was definitely going to be peeling later. He gestured to the boat. “A’right, Flipper, can ya give me a push?”

🌊🧜🏻‍♂️🪸⛵️

co-writing with my ian, @batty4steddie 🩵

[nosanime]

BIBLIOGRAPHY - “ANIME FOODIES: LAID-BACK CAMP THE MOVIE”

This is the bibliography for our entry in the Anime Foodies series of panels, “Anime Foodies: Laid-Back Camp The Movie”.  The sources include not only places from which we garnered background of the food we were cooking, but also sources that helped us determine how to craft our own version of the recipes we were creating.

This is the second Anime Foodies panel which has a formal bibliography of sources.  Those marked with double asterisks are regular sources we’ve used in all of the panels in the series and are a good starting point for anyone interested in Japanese food and its history.

Bibliography:

Afro. Laid-Back Camp. Vol. 6, Yen Press, 2019.

Afro. Laid-Back Camp. Vol. 7, Yen Press, 2019.

“Anethum graveolens L.” Royal Botanic Gardens Kew, https://powo.science.kew.org/taxon/urn:lsid:ipni.org:names:837530-1.

Baker, Liren. “Taco Rice: Okinawa Taco Rice” Kitchen Confidante, https://kitchenconfidante.com/taco-rice-okinawa-taco-rice.

“Braised Yuba (Tofu Skins) with Vegetables” Sunberry Jam, https://sunberryjam.com/braised-yuba-with-vegetables/.

“Buttered Beere 1588” Oakden, https://oakden.co.uk/buttered-beere-1588/.

“Dutch Oven Roast Chicken” Self-Proclaimed Foodie, https://selfproclaimedfoodie.com/dutch-oven-roasted-chicken/#wprm-recipe-container-33149.

“Dutch Oven Roasted Chicken with Vegetables” Camping Adventures, https://adventures.camp/dutch-oven-roasted-chicken-with-vegetables/.

“Finnish Salmon Soup (Lohikeitto)” Skinny Spatula, https://skinnyspatula.com/salmon-soup-lohikeitto/.

Friesen, Katy June. “Where Did the Taco Come From?” Smithsonian Magazine, https://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/where-did-the-taco-come-from-81228162/.

Greg. “Hot Buttered Rum 2 Ways AND Fat Washing! | How to Drink.” YouTube, uploaded by How To Drink, 23 Nov. 2019, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCbEwyntSCM.

“Hokkaido Salmon Hot Pot (Ishikari Nabe) 石狩鍋” Just One Cookbook, https://www.justonecookbook.com/salmon-hot-pot/.

“Hoto Noodle Soup from Yamanashi ほうとう” Just One Cookbook, https://www.justonecookbook.com/hoto-noodle-soup-yamanashi/#wprm-recipe-container-79243.

“Hōtō Noodle Soup (Hōtō Nabe)” RecipeTin Japan, https://japan.recipetineats.com/hoto-noodle-soup-hoto-nabe/.

“Houtou (ほうとう)” Food in Japan, https://www.foodinjapan.org/kanto/yamanashi/houtou/.

“How to make Houtou – Yamanashi local speciality noodle dish recipe” Japanese Cooking Class Tokyo, https://japanesecookingclasstokyo.wordpress.com/2014/01/03/how-to-make-houtou-yamanashi-local-speciality-noodle-dish-recipe/.

“How to Make the Best Tempura 天ぷら” Just One Cookbook, https://www.justonecookbook.com/tempura-recipe/.

Hua, Charlie. “Kiritanpo: Trying out one of Akita’s local specialties” Japan Travel, https://en.japantravel.com/akita/kiritanpo/55809.

“Hypomesus olidus” FishBase, https://fishbase.de/summary/Hypomesus-olidus.html.

“Hypomesus olidus” Integrated Taxonomic Information System – Report, https://www.itis.gov/servlet/SingleRpt/SingleRpt?search_topic=TSN&search_value=162031#null.

**Ishige, Naomichi. The History and Culture of Japanese Food. London, Kegan Paul Limited, 2001.**

“"Ishikari" Salmon Hot Pot (Ishikari nabe)” NHK World – Japan, https://web.archive.org/web/20201101192650/https://www.nhk.or.jp/dwc/food/recipe/kyou_12310.html.

“Ishikari Nabe Recipe (Salmon and Miso Hot Pot in Hokkaido)” Cooking With Dog, https://cookingwithdog.com/recipe/ishikari-nabe/.

“Japan-Mexico Relations (Basic Data)” Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Japan, https://www.mofa.go.jp/region/latin/mexico/data.html.

“Kiritampo Nabe (Rice Stick Hot Pot)” NHK World, https://web.archive.org/web/20180318093216/http://www.nhk.or.jp:80/dwc/recipes/detail/138.html.

“Kiritanpo (きりたんぽ)” Food in Japan, https://www.foodinjapan.org/tohoku/akita/kiritanpo/.

Laid-Back Camp. Directed by Yoshiaki Kyougoku. C-Station, 2018.

Laid-Back Camp Season 2. Directed by Yoshiaki Kyougoku. C-Station, 2021.

Laid-Back Camp The Movie. Directed by Yoshiaki Kyougoku. C-Station, 2022.

Miller, Max. “Making 400 Year Old Buttered Beere.” YouTube, uploaded by Tasting History with Max Miller, 10 Mar. 2020, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlMhZvOX2ps.

“Motsunabe” Japanese food style, https://jpnfood.com/recipe/meat/motsunabe.

“Motsunabe: How to Eat and the Best Restaurants in Fukuoka” Savor Japan, https://savorjapan.com/contents/discover-oishii-japan/motsunabe-how-to-eat-and-the-best-restaurants-in-fukuoka/.

“Motsunabe recipe もつ鍋” The Japanese Food Lab, https://thejapanesefoodlab.com/motsunabe/.

“Motsunabe (もつ鍋)” Food in Japan, https://www.foodinjapan.org/kyushu/fukuoka/motsunabe/.

“Okinawa Taco Rice and Cheese (Cafe Style)” Sudachi Recipes, https://sudachirecipes.com/okinawa-taco-rice/.

“Okinawa Taco Rice (Video) タコライス” Just One Cookbook, https://www.justonecookbook.com/taco-rice/.

“Recipe of Speedy Lightly Flavored! Hakata-style Motsunabe (Offal Hot Pot) with Soy Sauce Based Soup” Ground-Skillet, https://ground-skillet.web.app/734-recipe-of-speedy-lightly-flavored-hakata-style-motsunabe-offal-hot-pot-with-soy-sauce-based-soup/.

“Salmon Hot Pot (Ishikari Nabe)” RecipeTin Japan, https://japan.recipetineats.com/salmon-hot-pot-ishikari-nabe/.

“Salmon Soup” Happy Foods Tube, https://www.happyfoodstube.com/salmon-soup/.

Sam. “Aburi Technique for Fish” Chef Epic, https://chefepic.com/aburi-technique-for-fish/.

“Seared Salmon Sushi (Aburi)” Cooking with Cocktail Rings, https://cookingwithcocktailrings.com/seared-salmon-sushi-aburi/.

**Singleton Hachisu, Nancy. Japanese Farm Food. Kansas City, Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2012.**

**Singleton Hachisu, Nancy. Preserving the Japanese Way. Kansas City, Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2015.**

“【Smelt Tempura】 How to make Smelt tempura With technical explanation to stand fins” YouTube, uploaded by 逢禅天ぷらチャンネル / AIZEN TEMPURA CHANNEL 1 Oct. 2020, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3KTXNGGAL4.

“Soy Milk Hot Pot 豆乳鍋” Just One Cookbook, https://www.justonecookbook.com/soy-milk-hot-pot-tonyu-nabe/.

“Taco Rice (タコライス)” No Recipes, https://norecipes.com/okinawa-taco-rice/.

“Tentsuyu” Oishi Washoku Recipes, https://www.oishi-washoku-recipes.com/tentsuyu.

“‘Tentsuyu’ (Tempura Dipping Sauce)” Hiroko’s Recipes, https://www.hirokoliston.com/tentsuyu-tempura-dipping-sauce/.

Turkell, Michael Harlan. “Foil Yaki Is the Best” Taste, https://tastecooking.com/foil-yaki-best/.

U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. Wakasagi (Hypomesus nipponensis): Ecological Risk Screening Summary. 8 Nov. 2019, https://www.fws.gov/sites/default/files/documents/Ecological-Risk-Screening-Summary-Wakasagi.pdf.

“What is the “King Tacos” which is loved by Okinawan?” Okinawa Labo, https://okinawa-labo.com/en/okinawa-taco-rice-1966.

**Wondrich, David. Imbibe! From Absinthe Cocktail to Whiskey Smash, A Salute in Stories and Drinks to “Professor” Jerry Thomas, Pioneer of the American Bar. Updated and Revised Edition. New York City, TarcherPerigee, 2015.**

“〆まで美味しい ごま豆乳鍋つゆ ストレート” Mizkan, https://www.mizkan.co.jp/product/group/?gid=07101.

“簡単タコライス” Lettuce Club, https://www.lettuceclub.net/recipe/dish/22978/.

“王道タコライス” Delish Kitchen, https://delishkitchen.tv/recipes/196315721972580774. “簡単！すぐ出来！タコライス　レシピ・作り方” Kurashiru, https://www.kurashiru.com/recipes/80ca4e93-29d6-422a-8168-cf409ac46d23.

[apple-flavored-autism]

HELLOOOO! This is Lampkeeper! And welcome to my corner of the universe~!

Lil bio:

Name: Atticus / Lee

Gender: three feral rats with rabies in a trenchcoat

Pronouns: any!! I don't care!!

Lamps: 100000003067 lamps

Sexual orientation: asexual

Romantic orientation: aromantic + homoro-oriented (gay asf)

Likes: Fandoms (preferably small fandoms), food (specifically chicken nuggets), sleeping, lamps, goobers, cats, salmon, winter, dragons (will ramble for hours), b r e a d, sweaters!!!

Dislikes: Loud noises, excited dogs, pollen (is allergic), mosquitos (VERY allergic), strong spices, lots of clothes, summer.

Special interests: Dragons, cats, I Expect You To Die, Portal, The Stanley Parable, Rise of the TMNT, Megamind (somehow), science in general.

Kinned characters: Donnie (ROTTMNT), The Narrator (TSP), Wheatley (Portal 2), Pheonix (IEYTD), Megamind (c'mon, you know this one), William Afton (FNAF- don't ask.), The Spot (Spider-man ATSV)

Physical features: Long-ish dark brown hair, tanish skin despite rarely going outside, brown eyes, 5 feet 6 inches tall, often wears casual clothing but wears a skirt on Sunday, depending on who he's with, he almost never smiles.

Notes: Was never tested for autism or ADHD, but has a strong belief he has both (with research to back him up). Staying with the label neurotypical until the belief is strong enough to self-diagnose. DEFINITELY has anxiety. Might also be dyslexic- constantly misreads words. Is also a therian + otherkin; cat therian + duck therian (WILL meow and WILL purr, don't blame him) + dragon otherkin (WILL roar and WILL hiss). Has an odd belief he's not human.

!! THIS USER IS A SYSTEM !!

Will there be a "meet the artist" drawing soon? Yes, yes there will be. Will I draw myself accurate to my IRL self? Yes. Yes I will. Will I also draw my little alien persona? Yes. In several ways. Will I draw my fursona and his two halves? Absolutely.

For Roleplay under the cut!! vvvv

Blue text is for when Agent Felix talks

Purple text is for when Lampkeeper talks

Classic text is when I/The Narrator am speaking

Red text for Dr. Zor, Orange text for Hivemind, Yellow text for Charlie Caliente, Green text for John Juniper.

These all take place in the IEYTD universe.

Felix lore:

Agent Felix joined Zoraxis's team when he was just a little kid, probably about third grade. If he went to school, lol, which he didn't.

He just wandered around a town all day, doing whatever he could to learn. Zor found him- Zor was about mid-thirties at the time- and just straight up adopted Felix. Zor gave Felix lessons on basic stuff like reading, math, etc., basically just all the elementary school stuff- except it only took 2 years. Zor, obviously, was surprised so he gave Felix some options and Felix chose technology.

Zor gave him everything he could to Felix on the subject, and by age 12, Felix had the technology expertise as a mad scientist. Felix started doodling after Zor adopted him, the doodles being very happy in general. Over time, they got.. concerning.. and Zor didn't know what to do about that.

Eventually, as more people joined Zoraxis, the more Felix was left alone with his little inventions. Occasionally, Zor, Hivemind and Charlie visited him (and were the only ones that celebrated his birthday), rarely Solaris for business. Felix loved Hivemind and Charlie like family.

The death engine was built when Felix was thirteen years old, him being oblivious to what he and Solaris were building. Agent Pheonix had seen him during Operation: Seat of Power, and recognized him as a kid.

When the death engine fired for the first time, Felix was devastated. Maybe a bit traumatized. He hated himself for being so oblivious to what he built. He didn't talk, eat or anything for days, even after he heard that Agent Pheonix had stopped the Death Engine. In fact, Felix felt worse becuase people had died.

Pheonix came back after a day or two of recovery and brought Felix to the agency. The agency convinced Felix to join (hesitantly) and almost gave up after ten minutes until Felix finally said one word: "okay". His mental recovery lasted 2 weeks, his fourteenth birthday two days after. His drawings started returning to a happier-looking state during the time. Felix waited a month and a half for agent training to begin, and when it did, it was too slow to match his learning pace. Regardless, he did what he was told without complaint. ...until they gave him a bomb to diffuse.

They knew perfectly well he couldn't diffuse bombs. They gave him one anyways. He had to run to other agents to find someone who could diffuse bombs. Felix was trying to figure out for days why they gave him a bomb. No clear answer was found.

Felix often has regrets leaving Zoraxis, since he misses everyone and he misses being useful. Usually he just looks at his shirt and he no longer has regrets, but recently it hasn't been working. He has a lot of conflicting emotions. He tries to stop the regrets by telling him stuff like "it feels great to be good" (as you know) and stuff like that. They've been working, but not much. The agency is constantly worried he'll switch sides again, but they don't know what to do about it since they don't want to get near him.

Felix doesn't know it, but Zor, Hivemind and Charlie miss him. Zor has had his eyes on Felix since he left and has been hoping he'd come back. The whole John Juniper thing was half-planned in hopes Felix would be sent on a mission. (I'm listening to This Is What Autumn Feels Like right now and it's throwing ideas like this at me ashgdhwhdhend)

Then Felix gets kidnapped, he runs away, you know the drill if you were reading/involved in it. He came back worse than before, almost back to his old state after the death engine. His memory was a little more messed up and he has major trust issues.

The end :]

[pupntumble]

perhaps something with musk/scent kink?

Tonight, she gets home late. She texted you about it earlier, mentioned how she wanted to get a workout in since she'd missed a few days recently. Told you to eat without her. You've been running on autopilot since, folding the laundry, sweeping the floors. You'd only managed to focus long enough to cook dinner, making sure the meal (salmon with sweet potatoes) was cooked just right. She likes to eat what you make for her, likes how you try to time it so it's hot and ready right as she gets home. Says it's cute. You've been trained well. This time it'll be a perfect surprise, easily reheated when she returns. That's everything done, all the daily and weekly chores. You've got no long term projects to work on. Those aren't suited for pets, no matter how smart they are. Routine is best for a dog, she says, and you agree. Still leaves you with nothing better to do than wait by the door, though.

When her key slips into the lock, you're half asleep next to the chair by the front door. Giddy with anticipation, you swing the door open while her hand is still on the knob, and she blinks at you in surprise for a moment. Then she smiles as you take the bag from her hand, sits herself on the couch before you usher her into the dining room. You were right to make the meal simple, rewarded with a pat on the head before she digs in. When the plate is cleared away she laughs, calls you an eager puppy, teases that you've probably been waiting up for her. You can't even deny it. Then she stands up, puts both hands on your shoulders, and forces you to your knees. Eager in more ways than one, she guesses. You can't deny that either, staring up at the workout clothes she never changed out of, at the sweat stains that have already dried.

"I suppose I could use a little help relaxing. Can you do something for me, pup?"

Like you could ever refuse.

It only takes a few moments to move to the living room. She's sitting on the couch now, legs spread, shorts around one ankle. You kneel in between her thighs, one of her hands keeping your face tucked against her groin. Any focus you could muster up earlier is now long gone, sweat and musk and cunt filling your nose, helping you forget all the unimportant thoughts you usually obsess over. Right now it's just you and her, your tongue sliding between each fold of skin and fat, rasping over her labia every time you turn your head to get the other side. She puts up with your inattention, less paying attention to you and more focused on whatever's going on on the TV. You press your mouth to her hole for a second, leaving open mouthed kisses while your nose rubs against her clit. The combined taste of salt and slick leaves you drooling, almost mindless as you lick the space between her thighs clean.

At some point she bends down to look at you, smiling at the utter mess dripping from your chin. She's not looking for an orgasm tonight, she explains, tired from the long day she's had. But you still deserve a reward, don't you? With that, she lifts you easily, and you go pliant as she does. A ragdoll in your master's arms. Then she sets you just above her knee, positions your arms around her neck, and lets go. You're kneeling just above her leg, shaking with the effort of keeping yourself up when all you want to do is grind down and lose yourself in sensation. Then she grabs your hips, shoves them down, and you're gone.

"You were so patient today. So good. I know it must've been difficult, trying to do everything properly with that little puppy brain of yours. But it's alright now. You can hump my leg like a good dog, get the reward you earned. You've been such a good pup. So good, so sweet for me, with your pretty little whines and your nice wet tongue. You can use me for support, if you need to. Nuzzle into my neck, there we go, good job. Can you smell the sweat from my workout? Can you taste it, mouthing at my pulse like that? Good puppy. Keep it up, there you go. I can feel how your hips are stuttering. Are you close? Yes? That's alright, sweetheart. Go ahead. Come for me."

[androcola]

Yippie!!

My 2000s AU:

•Micky was a former scene kid in the early 2000s, and he still has two semi-long faded side tails. He hasn’t gotten rid of them yet because he things their cool, so he just has very curly hair and then medium sized straight side tails

•Micky, Davy, Peter enjoy watching Total Drama Island, 6teen, and That 70s Show together. Mike enjoys the office more, but he occasionally watches the other shows sometimes

•Micky and Coco went to Woodstock 1999. They left very early Sunday, so they didn’t get to witness the fires and chaos that happened later Sunday night

•Micky’s family dog, You, died in 2004. He got a cat when he moved into the Pad, and he named it ‘You’ after his old dog

•Peter is OBSESSED with sea animals and the ocean in general. He has a sea creatures calendar, dolphins Lisa Frank posters all over his room, jellyfish jewelry(made of plastic because Peter doesn’t like the feel or smell of metal), he has wind chimes that has ocean as the theme, he even has watched H2O, Just Add Water over and over again

•Mike has a very minimalist room. The fanciest thing he has is a Tiffany style lamp for his night stand lamp

•A very different aesthetic to Mike, Micky is a maxamlalist and has a lot of stuff in his room. He has futuristic posters, a Garfield lava lamp, one of those inflatable chairs, a transparent computer and mouse, ect

•Davy had tried a DIY hairstyle and failed, so now the ends of his hair is curled and it’s been like that for a long while. He honestly thinks it’s never going to go back to normal

•They all go out and shop for records, cassettes, and CDS. Micky usually gets Britney Spears, Eminem, and Sir-Mix-Alot, Davy gets Boa, the Beatles, and Queen, Mike doesn’t get a lot, maybe some Elvis, Peter usually gets Disney sound tracks

•Micky likes to explore on the internet, like ARG’s, random websites, chain mail, and the ‘creepy’ side of Youtube(Y’know that whole meme in the late 2000s and 2010s about creepy sides of YT? Yeah stuff like that)

•Micky has a lot of things decorating his car, like car fresheners hanging from his rear/view mirror, random bobbly heads on his dashboard, one of those steering wheel covers

•Peter enjoys to sit in silence with Mike. He can be sewing while Mike is reading, he can be baking while Mike watches him, in general Peter just likes to spend some quiet time with Mike

•Mike is allergic to soy and peaches

•Mike hates strong smells. He usually takes Davys care because Micky usually has lingering strong smells from car fresheners. He also has to stay away from anyone who puts on perfume because if he doesn’t he will either freak out in an amount of time or will begin to have a sort of reaction to the smell

Monster Monkees:

•Mike can hear other shadows talking and random whispers of peoples shadows. He doesn’t know that they’re other shadows, and he thinks he’s insane. He gets very overwhelmed with them and he usually has to get out of the shadows to get away from the sounds

•Mike usually scratches his semi-solid form, creating light to emit from him. It’s basically like him banging his head against the wall, because light can make him weak

•Micky’s arms and legs fade to blue at the ends. So his arm and legs are like green, turquoise, then blue

•Davy has to eat alone, because both Peter and Mike are queasy about blood. Micky doesn’t care because he eats raw fish

•Micky’s favorite foods are raw salmon and cod, fish tacos, mango smoothies, and sushi

•Davy turns into his bat form when he’s either scared or shy of things, usually people

•Micky’s eyes are pitch black, easy for him to see in the dark

•Micky has both gills and lungs

•Peter has thorns going up his arms, legs, and neck. They usually puncture his skin and cause him to bleed, but he’s used to it so he doesn’t mind. He clips them weekly though. He also doesn’t like long nails so Davy and Micky file and clip their nails down

•Mikes lower body trails off and fades into the air. As well as his body can either grow stronger or weaker depending on the light

•Peter likes to grow patterns in leaves, flowers, and trees. Peter: Micky look! I put hearts in this leaf!!

•Micky once got so stuck and tangled in fishers nets and hooks that his fins and lower legs almost got cut off. Davy was able to get him out(both peter and Mike can’t get in water) and Micky had to wear bandages for months. He still limps on that leg when he’s on land

•Mike doesn’t have any lights in his and Micky’s rooms due to being weak in light. Micky doesn’t mind because he can see in the dark

•Usually Mike has breakdowns or freak outs because of the voices, and he always asks Micky if he can hear them too. Micky never knows what he’s talking about, and it usually freaks Micky out when Mike asks him because Mike is genuinely fearful of the other shadows voices

•Davy has pre-mature wings, causing his flight to be impaired and it’s difficult for him to fly in his bat form

•Peter has to sometimes cut off dead plants from his skin, but he doesn’t enjoy it because the plants are literally attached to his body. Same goes for fall and winter, when the plants are dying on his body

I know it’s a lot but they have been in my mind for a while lol. I hope you enjoy 😋

SO MANY THINGS FOR ME TO READ I LOVE READING THINGIES!! MICKY DEFINITELY WOULD'VE BEEN A SCENE KID HOLY SHIT that's so on point. He definitely had his straight hair era at that point. Fried as fuck from straightening and like 20 cans of hair spray just to get it all down I know that shit crunched like a dead leaf.

Also I totally agree with Mike being super sensitive to strong smells, it's the same way in my canon. It causes big sensory overload especially if there's other stuff going on in the room (people talking, bright lights, general noises) and people usually think he's weird for his several sensitivities so he tries to just hide them but sometimws it can end up in meltdowns or just totally shutting down and going nonverbal due to the overload.

TJOSE THREE DEFINITELY WOULD'VE LOVED TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND they would definitely rope mike into it at some point

[transgaypiratesanta]

so I’ve seen some posts of quotes from the oxventure, and OH BOY. I have full-on NOTES about the oxventure and every piece of canon and fan theories I can get my grubby little paws on, AND I HAVE A LOT OF QUOTES. SO…. HAVE FUN WITH THESE!

DND

“Spicy… like a rat.”

“You asked the whales name?” “I’m just thoughtful like that.”

“Always check your bonfires for hedgehogs.”

“Needless to say Cthulhu is pleased and lunch is ruined”

“Oh no the cube! Not the cube!”

“He looks like dob but somehow evil and sexy”

“Nooooo… my mojo…”

“Oh you totally give the baby a dagger!” “That’s parenting 101”

“I flinch greasily.”

“Guys be real are we murder hobo’s?”

“I just wanna say I’m really proud of the amount of murder we’ve done.”

“Have you heard of the guild of the national trust?”

“Oo man I can’t wait to get redemption let’s kill everyone.”

“Do you have pamphlets?” “Let’s bore them to death!”

“Decisive action: throw that cat.”

“I have a moral objection but I’m going to let it happen because this seems cool.”

“🎵it’s getting hot in here. And they will all explode🎵”

“I lick the book and I am pleased”

“I know a lot of my plans revolve around watching dob sleep”

“Shut your filthy mouth Corazon”

“Let’s have a spooky sleepover.”

“Nature is beautiful.” “It sure was”

“+4! +2! +2! NUMBERS!”

“It’s not on fire or anything!” “Not yet, give me time!”

“We’re gonna have a sleepover in this crypt!”

“It couldn’t have been me-meant? If it wasn’t already… broked. That’s what I’ve always said”

“🎵maaaagic hand! Come out of my real hand!🎵”

“Wear whatever you want! Your bones, probably.”

“Their prudence hat”

“Is it orphans? You gotta tell us if it is.” “Ah. It’s orphans boss.”

“Skeletons… AHHHHHH”

“I love these loophole skeletons!”

“I would like to attempt to cast mend on the orphans”

“We just want less orphan juice”

“I’m imagining you making a snowman out of orphan paste”

“Oooo Skeletons be dexterous”

“We’re all team skeleton just some of us have flesh on top”

“I never liked you Kevin”

“Guys I’m not not in trouble”

“And then I turn the internal heat dial to cremation”

“BETTER OUT THAN IN DOES NOT APPLY TO ORGANS”

“MY ORGANS!”

“Do you want a vomit hug?”

“I’m putting my foot down on the husks.” “But then they’d just burst!”

“Is it bad that bear me wants to eat the husks? No I won’t I’ll be good”

“And I’m trying desperately to remain eye contact with HER, and not look at you guys swimming around in sandwiches”

“It’s in runes or something what is that?” “That’s a seven.”

“The consequences! They’re here again!”

“Meowwww” “I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!”

“Awh. And I’ve got his BOOTS!”

“Dob what did I tell you about necromancy?”

“Let’s put capitalism in the lake!”

“We can always claim it’s the fireworks show!” “NOT IF WE’RE DEAD!”

“Dogs are bound in skin!”

“MERILWEN THERES A BEAR! GO TURN INTO A BEAR OR FIGHT IT… or marry it… or something”

“Have we tried to befriend the footprints?” “Talk to the footprints!”

“Two very impulsive boi’s”

“Grease man from the ocean”

“Respectfully yeet him off the mountain.” “A somber yeet”

“If I was in something for 2 years”

“I saw the holes on the front and thought ‘that must be all the holes’ but then I looked on the back and there was ANOTHER HOLE THERE!”

“What are you dreaming about?” “Salmon.”

“Oh no they’ll take over the world with inexpensive furniture!”

“Break his spirit.” “And his back 😈”

“3 dimensional chess is just chess!”

“AUGH. OH YES. BISQUE 😩”

“What’s in this drawer? Dob? Oh no that’s a paperclip.” 

“Person in charge of the Prudence mech”

“🎵yees I’m the best at thunderwave turns out!🎵”

“My shin!” “My Shin!” “… our Shin.”

“DID YOU JUST SUGGEST MERILWEN COMMIT AUTOCANNIBALISIM IN BEAR FORM?”

“I’m just a chicken walking around with a flameblade”

“🎵Eleanor rigbee, lived in a hive because she was a bee. Whooedy whee!🎵”

“The pirate. Didn’t. Say that.”

“This is the energy in the room we’re all going to regret later” “says that of the orphanage.” “I regretted it later!”

“Though he could discover spoons at any point”

“Phase one: walk to crime. Phase two: do crime”

“I’ll just do it and be a legend”

“In a way we’re already married in a very deep and legal way.” “For tax purposes.”

“Why is there so much tentacle milk here?”

“You just hear anarchy noises from out the window”

“We’re running out of time before he murders us accidentally with an idiom” “with beans”

“I’m buying ecstasy from an owl?”

“The sounds of muffled pirate violence”

“She might just destroy the world, which is where we keep all our stuff!”

“I faint.” “Okay dob’s having a short rest” “OH YEAH!”

“Thick orange hot water”

“She’s got the cutest little forces of darkness 🥰”

“As the Druid, no.” “As the dm, INSPIRATION!”

“I cast shatter on the only planet we have”

“I cast fracking”

“WE. ARE. COASTAL!”

“The eldrich being Flannery”

“We’re fracking landlords”

“Now we leave you and see if you go buduhduhduhduh”

“Cattle go missing, we never find out what happens to all the Harris’s” “season over.”

“It’s practically a victimless crime, unless there’s a victim, in which case hopefully it’s a hard to trace crime”

“I grease Merilwen to give her the best chance”

“WHY AM I DYING?”

“Because you told me to piss off!” “So you did THIS?” “yeah” “I HAVE MINUTES TO LIVE!” 

“How’s the shat?”

“I cast mending on our friendship 🥺”

“How does a jackle… lift a bunch of cars?” “I don’t know.” “You jack ‘em all.” *weird laughter*

“Yes. No more pain where you’re going friend. No, you’re not very nice actually.”

“Well, solved the Richard problem!” “But what about the Dob problem”

“It’s very demeaning, so okay.”

“Well no Millie or ori that is obviously not okay. Little idiot.”

“Oh I HATE nature”

“Who wants in on my corpse sled idea?”

“Dob.” *quiet laughter* “oh no.”

“I give them an appraising look as if sizing up their corpses”

“I am literally everyone else in the world which means I am the best at sighing crying sad goodbying to my plot, the npc’s, the sanctity of lore…”

“These patrons aren’t gonna lick themselves!”

“Ohhhh it’s a sex thing.”

“Rule 3 no kink shaming.” “Damn right.”

“He drifts out the door… to go find something to kiss.”

“WAIT! I’ve had a thought! I want to kiss the dragon man.”

“Well. You’ve effed this right up Dob.”

“Well, if you’re dreaming about that, it’s probably out to get you.” “Every time you sleep, it gets a little bit closer.”

“It is always agonising Johnny!”

“Let me use my bonus action to slip in my own grease”

“All things must drink. I say wisely, and inaccurately”

“You take 4 points of… becoming soup damage”

“It occurs to all of you, and pardon my infernal, this is a shit idea.”

“Why do i have find steed if it’s not a rodeo?”

“I cough up some hemp and rope.” “Oh perfectly horrifying! Sure, yeah.”

“We never elected a leader!” “How could you talk to your leader like that?”

“I like turning into a cat all the time, the problem is I can’t do it.”

“that horny crew member sticks his head out to watch”

“So it’s slightly uncomfortable… and you outlive all your lovers… sounds like a good thing!”

“I wish to arrest Cthulhu now start screaming”

BLADES IN THE DARK

“Sir we’re in an antique shop.”

“What a great excuse to do some crime, though!”

“Nothing bad has ever happened to me in my entire life, I don’t think it’s going to start now!”

“Is it meant to be on fire? Because it’s on fire.”

“ITS A MASTERCLASS! It’s not a masterclass…”

“Classic squiffy, what a lad.”

“Hey! I need you to do me a favour! Well I say a favour, I’m compelling you.”

“We do a literal hitman, as in you run up, and hit the man.”

“He’ll live, but not well.”

“Spinning tops in places you don’t want them”

“I want a ghost who’s obsessed with me!”

“Everyone’s going out the front door! I’m just gonna set the house on fire!”

“Here’s what happens Barnaby, you glorious liability.”

“Have you heard about this thing called a union?” “… Let’s montage the rest of this conversation”

“Roll me for ‘Dave? Dave!’”

“Barbaby and workers rights are on the opposite end on the political spectrum”

“It’s not apoplectic with rage, it’s apoplectic with being right.”

“Fresh fish!” “Lovely crimes!”

“It’s going terribly here in the present! Maybe it went better in the past!” “Let’s retreat to the safety of the past.”

“I didn’t want to taste the sweat of the poor in the air!”

“So you want to be a nice, clean, sanitised butcher?”

“It’s like riding a bike” “a violent bike” “it’s like punching a bike”

“I came here to study ghosts, not become one!” “Imagine how much study you could do if you became one!” “I can’t hold pens!”

“The gilded idiot”

“Hands in the middle. Aaaaand dead Barnaby!”

“I’m choking a guy out… with my thighs”

“I smile. In a way that  conveys limitless rage”

“I do not want to be traumatised because of archiving!”

“Won’t someone think of the molluscs?”

“Lilly and Zilly on a wedding adventure”

“Generally I judge things, but sometimes I choke them unconscious”

“The tiny urchins really wanted us to do it”

“No one tell him he has NO SOUL”

“Who is this anthropomorphic mouse?” (It was a child)

“Sorry I tried to fix it with fish”

“I’m going to start a clock that the wonderful mechanical man is working on without any of you”

“Are these children going to be okay?” “We’re they okay to begin with?”

“Stop making out with that brick!” “I’m not- do you know what making out is, Edvard?”

“I let my hatred of stairs get the better of me”

“I’m furious at my forearm.”

“It’s a piece of trash! Looks like something Edvard would make!”

“Mechanical man parts”

“Moving on briefly from infanticide, good job, I just asked you for your name”

“A healing cloak is quite hard to fill so I thought stuff that, I’ve acquired 2 giant goats”

DEADLANDS

“How old are you?” “Old enough. Are you old enough to make good decisions?” 

“No more digging graves for neat, I’m gonna be putting people in graves for money!”

“I had a mule once.”

“That’s adulthood. Being angry all the time, but pushing it down until it’s the right time.”

“Have you ever met someone in your life who doesn’t like jerky?”

“I REMEMBER IT BEING A SIN”

“Let’s hope they’re extremely religious”

“Yeah well Andy’s lying, Andy wants us to fail.”

“I like to drink milk after I shoot two men in the throat”

“Very well then, Mr… not free”

“As you pass by the door, it does clip on the brim of your hat and it falls over your eyes and you can’t see anything.”

“Okay, okay.” *silence* “AAAAAAAH”

“I look at the other one, which seems like his spirit it hasn’t been broken yet 😡”

“I’m saying it nicely but in my head im like: I will kill you later.”

“Not trying to be rude, why do you smell so bad? I’m not trying very hard”

“Contracted late-stage tuberculosis. Got better.”

“Animal that’s been jerked”

“Tell me your life story”

“JERRY WHY”

“Horses can play, and you’re worried about if they can sit?”

“I’ve got a d8, but it’s now -2, because I’m DEAD”

*stabs someone in the eye* “oh sorry, I simply stopped paying attention!”

“Heck. Furthermore, dang.”

“One of the strangulation ones.” “Oh fun!”

“Is sharp rope a thing? WELL SHARPEN IT.”

“Sticky mc bang bang!”

“It was a terrible crime, I cut my lawn and i cut it too short. Anyway I’m to be hanged.”

“The cell is now swarming with ants.” “Yay!”

“Murder, for example, would be a no no!”

“He’s the same old Nate he’s just soft and cold”