#self-therapy

[myhappyexobubble]

EXO Fandom - Part 1 - FanFics

I was talking to a coworker a few days ago about K-Pop. They asked me who my favorite band was and it was simple to say, “EXO. I love their songs. I’ve watched them over several years...” and I realized I was giving such a generalized easy answer to something that is so incredibly complicated. No, I didn’t dive in further in that conversation but my mind continued to churn over why I love EXO and why I’ve loved them for so long.

The answer is multifaceted but my mind dove so far into it that I felt compelled to talk about it to whoever would listen. So, let me start at the basics.

If we look at Exo at the time of their MAMA, History, and Wolf release time frames then the answer is adorably cute guys singing romantically driven songs. They debuted with fictional powers and a sense of mystery. Who doesn’t love a good fantasy and wrapped up in a music group? The fan fiction that has poured out of this fanbase is the factual evidence as to why this was such a good concept to debut with.

At the time of Exo’s first year or two, I was personally dealing with a separation. It was my first relationship, first intimate relationship, and I was so completely depressed. I was introduced to EXO at the time History came out. It was an easy sell to me, but what really took me down the rabbit hole of the fandom was being recommended to read some fan fics. The fandom had already blown up with incredible stories. If you have been an EXOL back when we called ourselves Exotics then you probably have heard of or read a handful of some very famous fanfics. Were you a ChanBaek fan and read 10080? Not Intended? The Letter? Did you deep dive into Interrobang? Revolution? Did you ever run across Inner Child (god do I have withdrawals from being unable to find that fic anymore)? These are titles that I can remember off the top of my head but I have accounts with endless bookmarked stories. The truly amazing part of this was if you read a fan fic and then watched Exo in a reality show or on an interview, authors had been able to truly capture the member’s on-screen personalities. You could read a fic and then watch how members teased each other and there would be exact parallels. I truly believe that the fandom is not only creative but so very keenly observant.

If you wrote fanfics in those early days that dealt with powers, wolf pack dynamics, 6 rotating variations of shipped pairs then you were probably instrumental in helping this fan not only distract herself from an ugly separation but ignite a personal and sexual awakening. There were topics in fanfics that I’d never even heard of, prompting endless research and conversations with others to truly understand relationship dynamics. This was such a motivating time of awakening for me that I also began to write fictions and quickly came up with the “MyHappyExoBubble” name to capture this secret world where I was motivated and happy when I wasn’t sinking in my day-to-day life. In fact, most people knew me from fan fiction stories before I ever moved on to doing fanart (which I will conquer in a different post).

My motivation to write was centered around having found so many good story ideas but that were written poorly and were difficult to read. No, I never took an idea and wrote it myself, but I did start to come up with ideas that I would never publish if the writing wasn’t decent. I’m not an English major, nor do I pretend to have flawless grammar. I just wanted more stories that could be read without bad translations or under-developed writing skills. Unfortunately, at this time, I do have a few unfinished fics that have gathered dust online and I do apologize for that.

The result of finding such a rich community of fan fiction has been instrumental (as weird as that may sound) in my growth as an adult. When I finally moved on to a new relationship, the intimacies that were destroyed by my ex had been re-worked, explored, defined, and I knew what kind of intimacy I wanted and was accepting of. My writing skills had improved with practice. I can storyboard, brainstorm, character develop and truly express in written word what is going on in my head. I cannot look back in time and say that something else wouldn’t have taken me down this road, but the fandom did, thanks to EXO. This is one of the many reasons why I will forever have EXO listed as my favorite K-pop group.

*If you would like to talk to me about any of this, feel free to message me. I’ve been on a therapy journey recently and while I have not talked about my alter-ego within the fandom with my therapist at this time, I can’t stop thinking about it. :) 

[pigefox]

I have a lot of growing up to do.

[jesusinstilettos]

I’m about to save you thousands of dollars in therapy by teaching you what I learned paying thousands of dollars for therapy:

It may sound woo woo but it’s an important skill capitalism and hyper individualism have robbed us of as human beings.

Learn to process your emotions. It will improve your mental health and quality of life. Emotions serve a biological purpose, they aren’t just things that happen for no reason.

1. Pause and notice you’re having a big feeling or reaching for a distraction to maybe avoid a feeling. Notice what triggered the feeling or need for a distraction without judgement. Just note that it’s there. Don’t label it as good or bad.

2. Find it in your body. Where do you feel it? Your chest? Your head? Your stomach? Does it feel like a weight everywhere? Does it feel like you’re vibrating? Does it feel like you’re numb all over?

3. Name the feeling. Look up an emotion chart if you need to. Find the feeling that resonates the most with what you’re feeling. Is it disappointment? Heartbreak? Anxiety? Anger? Humiliation?

4. Validate the feeling. Sometimes feelings misfire or are disproportionately big, but they’re still valid. You don’t have to justify what you’re feeling, it’s just valid. Tell yourself “yeah it makes sense that you feel that right now.” Or something as simple as “I hear you.” For example: If I get really big feelings of humiliation when I lose at a game of chess, the feeling may not be necessary, but it is valid and makes sense if I grew up with parents who berated me every time I did something wrong. So I could say “Yeah I understand why we are feeling that way given how we were treated growing up. That’s valid.”

5. Do something with your body that’s not a mental distraction from the feeling. Something where you can still think. Go on a walk. Do something with your hands like art or crochet or baking. Journal. Clean a room. Figure out what works best for you.

6. Repeat, it takes practice but is a skill you can learn :)

[thoughtstherapy]

[selfhealingmoments]

[compassionmattersmost]

Finding a Good Doctor for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome: A Personal Journey

Finding the right doctor, who accepts insurance, when you have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS) can be a daunting task. Many of us have had experiences with doctors who are dismissive, disrespectful, and ignorant about our condition. Over the years, I’ve had to fire several doctors who didn’t meet my needs, and I know I’m not alone in this struggle. My Experience with Kaiser I was with Kaiser…

[kitkinnie]

on colors and being different and not being enough for yourself

(please reblog instead of liking)

[selftherapyapp]

Anxiety is an umbrella term for a variety of disorders that are characterized by excessive fear or anxiety. 

[julochka365]

15/2.2024 - beers with a friend

[inkskinned]

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

[chocolateraingiu]

One more for posterity?

Story time! -> Talking to a dude and the convo is going back and forth nicely. I feel like there's a good balance of interest on both sides and we're vibing. Tho occasionally he'll just disappear. It's all fine, people have lives and all and other people to talk to. But I'm a smart little bee unfortunately so I know exactly where he is. Online on the app where we met. Cause you see, this bro doesn't have his receipts on, but the app'll show ya. So what it definitely makes me feel is "not interesting enough" and "not worthy of talking to during Prime Time™". Observation for future me, we're not even looking for anything serious, y'know, because of That Problem. But still, unserious stuff also demand attention etc.

I'll say that sucks big time. However. I was able to deal with all that talking to myself and feeling things out, so I'm proud to be showing progress to who matters most: me! 100%? No. But hey, this is So Important. That even though my knee-jerk reaction is still one way and I haven't internalized some stuff yet, I can still remind myself that I Am interesting and worthy of time and attention and curiosity. And it is not My Problem.

Important.

So I'm out here talking to the void and its echo and doing self-therapy talk in the public square just cause but mostly so I can mark down the progress and look back on it.

[kitten-forward]

[thoughtstherapy]

[huellitaa]

girl exorcism ⊹˚. ♡

cuz sometimes we all get a little off track and need to wake the fuck up again !!! 🫶🩷

──★ ˙ ̟🐰 physical! 🎀

have an everything shower

do ur whole skincare routine

brush ur teeth, floss, dental care

arrange a new workout routine

dance, pilates, exercise, move around

go on a walk and thrive in nature like a plant or a tree

find and try out some new cute hairstyles

pamper urself! face masks, spa day, etc.

get ur beauty sleep

change your bedsheets and pillowcases

clean your makeup brushes

go through all haircare, skincare, makeup, etc. products

organise and donate or throw out all of the clothes you don't wear or don't make you feel like your own dream girl

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 mental! 🧸

write down all your thoughts. every one.

write down all the problems in your life right now

have a mental breakdown over something tiny and let all ur emotions out by bursting into tears

write down what you want and go over your dreams and goals

read over or write out your highest self and everything about them

analyse your mindset at the moment

write what limiting beliefs you have

remember and remind yourself of your "why", keep it somewhere you can see

write down all your bad habits

write down some new habits to counteract them, become your best self and to work towards the future

vaunt and go on a huuuge rant to urself about how beautiful and perfect and amazing you are bc you literally are <3

──★ ˙ ̟💬 personal! 🎀

sweep your room

open the curtains

wipe down all your mirrors

dust down all surfaces

go through all ur clothes and chuck out or donate ones you don't wear

clean out under your bed !!!!!!!!

rearrange your shelves

get some new posters & wall prints

go through all of the books, movies, series, content you're consuming right now and choose new ones that align with ur highest self

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 digital! 🎧

go through ur following on every platform and delete everyone that makes you feel even remotely negative

uninstall a bunch of apps you don't need

install useful, helpful, purposeful apps

go on the hunt for accounts that make you laugh, happy, or confident

redecorate your home page

revamp your social medias (pinterest, tumblr, instagram, etc)

go through all your playlists and reorganise your music

delete all depressing songs and media

go through your contacts, rename, delete, etc

[z-mizcellaneous-z]

Everyone seemed to really need/appreciate this last time I did it so I'm doing it again: