#shoved her stupid fucking family in a car and drove them to his house

[cometrose]

when hyunwoo assured haein while they were dating that he’d would take care of her even if she was poor or went into debt and when the hong family collapses he takes care of her…

[ttkwritterblog]

AGTI_Fight or flight but you have traumas and aint no birdie (deleted scene)

The witch keeps yapping cheerfully about everything and anything while cutting everyone else off every other second. And it's getting on your nerves. 

You grab the empty wine bottle next to you and hold it over the bitch head, ready to strike.

 Rust put his hand over yours and harshly pulled it down.

 _______ 

While you like to think you have okay self-control and can also stand up for yourself, you found your body twitching ever so slightly as her pitchy voice rose and rose. The supposed sister of yours is tearing you a new piece, for what you are unsure for she keeps on rambling. 

The whole house is empty as most of the gang has to attend some monster kingdom meeting with the king, while the others decide to go on a spontaneous road trip. You regret not having the courage to ask to join either party, even the burning sensation of a sore limp, the threats of death and the fucking boredom are better than this.

 You felt your hand trembling as the older girl whipped her head to you harshly with a glare filled so much with hatred that could kill a monster with just the killing intent. Your mind blurred as she grabbed you harshly and pulled you along with her as she walked down the hall. 

"What?" You asked as she stopped at the front door, hand already snatched the phone from your hand and opened the door. "Get out." She said. 

You take a step back at the sudden request. "Huh? why?" You managed to slur out.

 "I said get out!" She snapped, and you flinched back as anger threatened to boil over in her hazel eyes, "I can't deal with you right now, just-" she sighed, "get out." The pretty girl seemed defeated like you have pushed her over the edge or crossed some invisible lines- but you haven't! right? You did the chores, you stayed out of her way, you kept your mouth shut- you did- you did everything! 

Looking at the older woman, you suddenly feel like you're thirteen again, stupid, full of angst and heartbreaks. A child who let no one step over them, who bit and crawl themself out of trouble. A child who still wilted at the slightest glare their version of this woman gave them, huddle to themself at the shove, the slaps, the bruising grips. A young teenager who is confused about why their sister despited them so much, why their mother never stops the sister, why is father never around, why-

Your lips parted but no words came out. It doesn't matter as she didn't wait for an answer as she pushed you out the door and locked it. 

The wind picked up ever so slightly as the storm rolled around the block but all you can think about is the woman who bore so many similarities with your adopted little sister. The same woman who vanished off the face of the earth so soon after she dropped the little girl in front of your family's doorstep. Small drops of water started falling onto you and quickly became full-blown rain. All that you can think of is how fitting it is, as a cold pool of dread forms in your gut.

You wonder what's different in this universe from yours.

Maybe your counterpart was never sad or angry enough to spill their guts out.

For the first time in forever, you dare to feel glad Daisy never met Adella. 

You glad, no, graceful your brother who pushed you to speak that night.

 ______________ 

You watch as car after car drove past the forest and park in front of the yard after God know how long. The rain was coming to a stop slowly as the monsters got out of the cars one by one, similar to how a clown alley walking out of a minivan. The thought makes you crackle enough to choke on your spits.

 Not long after that most of them spotted you, drenched in water sitting at the doorstep and waving at them. Trembling.

 "Heya?" You started, your eyes drifted to the side of the forest as the bad sanses emerged from, grumbling about rain and mud and what a pain it is to remove. You noted that no one returned your greeting and instead opted to eye you weirdly. 

Rude.

"Why are ya out here kid?" Red grunted out, Rust already shrugged off his jacket and offered it to you, you shook your head to the kind skeleton, there's no point in drenching the jacket when you can just walk in the house now.

 Curse you and your inability to see the future. Of course, the one day where you wake up to an empty house with the devil reincarnation was the day you forgot to bring your keys, wallet and extra phone with you. Never again are you gonna get caught off guard like this.

 "Gosh Human, You Are Shaking," Jupiter muttered softly, now all eyes are on you for real, even Killer seems to be looking, and the dude is as blind as a bat. "Forgot my keys... and phone." You slurred out, shivering against the cold breeze. 

"...let's get you inside and warm up," Comic said as Roman led you toward the now-opened front door. God, you can only hope you won't catch a cold, but with your luck? Let's just hope it won't make you bedridden.

---------------------

Waking up has never been a good sensation, but it worsens when you're sick. As you open your eyes you can only feel agony spread across the meaty body. Your bone aches and your head is throbbing like someone just gave you a concussion on a silver plate. Your skin is sticky and weirdly uncomfortable, every inch of your muscles feels like it has torn itself apart.

Sitting up is a bad idea and standing up was even worse.

As soon as you steady yourself upright, you're winded bad enough to fall and almost give yourself a real concussion. You shouldn't catch yourself with your hands, 'cause now everything is ringing, you must have hit your funny bone. Maybe you just need to lie down a bit, it certainly can't make everything worse, right?

You flopped onto the floor with a dull thug, grabbing the worn-out throw blanket, you wrapped yourself up, shielding yourself from the cold temperature. Might as well take a nap, it's not like anyone gonna looking for you at ass o'clock in the morning. You can feel your consciousness slowly drift away.

You woke up to your name being called frantically.

Or you think it's your name, 'cause it sounds muffled like someone took medical cotton and stuffed it into your ears then sealed it in with wax. 

You can feel your body being shaken borderline violently. Begrudgingly you open your eyes to see 'Princess Celestia- human bones version' too close for your comfort. You would curse him out for waking you up from your free trial of death if not for your coughing fit. Looking up you can see at least two to three other figures in your room, all looking like you just keeled over and died and now they have to deal with a body-

_________

An hour later, in the living room and on the god-forsaken green couch, you're officially on house watch for being sick. The skeletons are super duper worried for your health and have decided to always have two skeletons watch you just so you wouldn't crumple into a husk of a body. You would call bull shits, laugh at their ugly fucking skulls and waltz back to your room if you have the strength right now.

Then you see it, and from the corner of your eyes you see a blurring blob of blue slowly approaching, you would assume it's Comic if he somehow became taller three hours ago. And get meat and skin. And a blonde wig. 'Not Comic' cooed at you condescendingly while his hand softly reached your forehead, cold but soft skin touching your burning hot one. 

That's a human hand.

"Oh you poor thing," Adella said, tutting at you with empathy like the bitch didn't know you were outside, she locked you out there hours ago.

Your pseudo-sister strokes your face gently, and you almost lean into her touch amid a fever. And then the hand was gone, the nerve of this bitch.

[libralovelace]

The Grey Area. Part one.

In 2013 I was 21 and living it right up. 2 beautiful children, I had just met the love of my life before knowing it, and I had a nice home with nice things ( for someone in peverty). I had spent my childhood between my mothers, then she'd get stupid high, fuck up, and I'd end up with my grandmother or a foster family... and back. Mom always got me back, got clean for a while, then used again. Heroin mostly. Sometimes crack or pills or whatever she could get her hands on. But I always went back home, where ever it may have been at the time. But in April of 2013 my decade long dance with opiates had started.

April 13th 2013, I had said bye to my mom for the last time and had no idea it was. She left my house after I took her to get her scripts and a bottle and some smokes and dropped her home 2 blocks from my house. The signs were all there... she'd quit her job, stopped paying rent, filled her pets food dishes to the brim and over... but I'd never been around someone really suicidal besides myself so how would I know?

On the 14th, there was an explosion at the Boston Marathon on TV. I tried calling her while sitting there with my youngest son, my oldest playing with his cars. No answer. I called again in the evening that day wanting to ask if she'd seen the news... still no answer. She was usually at my place useing my bathtub at that time of day while I'd make dinner for her after getting foodstamps. But no answer.

Then the day came that started my spiral. The 15th of April. Patrick, the guy that would soon after be my husband... and myself were leaving a fun filled work day at Burger King where I was his Team leader and he was my favorite burger board man. He was my favorite anyway, I fell for him the second I met him. Our mutual love for the Patriots and Legand of Zelda and soon enough one another, pulled us together like 2 sewn pieces of cloth making a seam. He was amazing in every way. And he needed a bag of pot after work so of course I'd ask mom to get it since I wanted to check on her anyway...

At about 415 in the afternoon, Pat's friend Brandon, an EMT in training and his second guitar in his band, drove us to my mother's. When she didn't answer but I heard her dog on the other side of the door, I used my spare key to get in and her dog Marley shot out the door so fast, as if he hadn't been let out in days. Of course he hadn't. But there mom was in bed looking sound asleep, only she wasn't sleeping.

She was still. Too still... so still that I knew immediately what had happened. The empty Mr.Boston bottle on the floor and the open pill bottles made it clear but I screamed for Pat to call 911 and come help anyway.

My mommy was dead. My mom who was my best friend, who I saw almost daily for one reason or another, my mother who loved her grandsons and they adored her to death, and whom I never wanted to leave me. But she did.

My grandma and papa were there soon as I'd called them. None of us believed it but we all knew it would happen this way, one day or another. "Ticking time bomb" we would all always say. Thays what every junkie is at one point. But unbelievable as it was anyway, I grabbed her pills before anyone else saw, and found all her hidden stash too. Pat and I shoved them all up our noses in a matter of days. And that was it. The start up of my addiction. The start of my deadly fun. And the end of my happy life.

To be continued.

[ijustwant2write]

Reconnect-Finn Shelby x Reader

(GIF credit to @peakystitches​)

Masterlist

Tags: @captivatedbycillianmurphy​ @jenepleurepasbaby​ @amirahiddleston​ @bloodorangemoonlight @haphazardhufflepuff​ @mzcrazy2​

Requested by anonymous: ‘Hello! May i request an either tommy or finn shelby x reader? (Whicheverr one u think suits best) for this prompt i found: character A and B have been in a longterm relationship and nothing can get in between, until one day something does and they drift away. But then they reconnect emotionally and everything feels like the first time again (first kiss, first meal together etc) 🙏🏼💜 i love ur writing thank u’

Characters: Finn Shelby x Reader, Polly Gray x Reader (platonic)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Swearing, arguing, finance issues, drinking, fluff

                                    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Finn, is that you?" I called out from our bedroom as I heard the front door open. I tensed up when I didn't hear a reply, only to let out a sigh when I heard him giggling.

He was drunk again, it happened almost every week now. Tommy would have given him something important to do for the gang, and whether or not Finn succeeded with that task, he would go out and celebrate with his mates. I would sometimes tag along if I wasn't tired from the week of working, but after seeing our finances, I realised we needed to stop acting like teenagers and start saving wisely.

"Hello my gorgeous girl." he slurred out as he entered the room.

"Hello Finn." I replied as I received a sloppy kiss to my forehead.

He flopped down beside me in bed, taking the book out of my hands and throwing it to the floor. Finn wrapped his arms around me, snuggling into my lap. I took off his hat, stroking back his hair. He was cold from the brisk walk home, causing me to shiver.

“You should have come out tonight." he said.

"I got off work late."

"He kept you again?"

"No, I decided to stay."

"Why? You always say you're tired."

"I'm tired because I'm picking up extra shifts and hours so that we can start saving up for a house."

"I've told you, we don't need to worry about that. Business is good."

"Finn, we're not going to be given the money. We have to earn it."

"Tommy will help us."

"He might help but he won't give us a lot. And even if he did hand us a house, we've got to have enough money for the bills, furniture-"

"It will be fine."

"Finn, we've not even had our wedding yet!"

We had been engaged for half a year. We were wanting to be married sooner, but problems arose with the Peaky Blinders it distracted us both from it, especially since our lives were in danger. I desperately wanted to have enough money for the wedding and house, though it looked like it was going to be one or the other at this point.

"What's wrong with the flat?" Finn now sat up.

"Did you seriously ask me that question? There's only so much I can do to this dump to make it look somewhat liveable. It just doesn't feel like home."

"We'll get the money. Don't worry. Look, look," he took my hands in his,"we will get a house. I promise. And believe me, I want to marry you as soon as I can, there needs to be another ring on that finger. And I need to see my name at the end of yours."

I stupidly believed him. Those adoring eyes I once trusted had lied to me. Finn kept his promise for a week at max, soon breaking it. I didn't mind him going out with friends, we both needed to socialise, I just disagreed with the amount of times he was out and the amount of drinks he was buying each night. He would always offer to get the next round, and although he was a Shelby, the discounts didn't make much difference at the end of the night. I decided I had to go with him to ensure that our money wasn't being poured away, struggling to stay awake for those long nights, and making work even harder every day. It was impossible to keep an eye on him like that.

Usually Finn would tell me if he was going out that night so I wouldn't worry. That stopped too. My mind was never at ease. How did I know he wasn't lying in a ditch somewhere after a job gone wrong? Or what if he was trapped somewhere by a rival gang? I could only rest when he returned, which he always luckily did. I pretended to be asleep, trying to not push him away as he slipped his arms around me, cuddling me for the rest of the night. My patience began to grow thin. I was too scared to speak up about it, worried that we would just end up having an argument. However, I knew we would have to bring it up soon, because our money was only disappearing instead of increasing.

One morning when I was leaving for work, I noticed that the drawer we locked our savings away in was slightly ajar, meaning someone had unlocked it and stupidly left it open. Of course it had to be Finn, no one had broken in during the night. My eyes widened when I saw how much he had taken, enraged that he would think me so foolish. Why would he take the money without asking? What was he using it for?

As I stormed towards the shop, I heard whooping from men in a car further up the street. My face turned into a deep frown when I recognised the car, managing to catch a glimpse of the people in it. They hadn't seen me, and I had to make sure my eyes were deceiving me.

I didn't care about the looks on me as I burst through into the shop, making a beeline for Polly's office. I harshly knocked on the door, entering when she called me.

"(Y/N)? What's wrong?" she asked, a lit cigarette in hand.

"Where's Finn?"

"Off out with his brothers, why?"

"Where are they going?"

"To the races."

I scoffed, placing a hand on my head in defeat.

"Why? What's wrong with that?"

"He told me he would be in the office all day today."

"So? Things change."

"No, he specifically told me that. I never even asked about it. He made a point meaning he didn't want to risk me waltzing in. That means he's hiding something."

"(Y/N), they're only going to bet on horses today. They're mingling."

"They're betting today?!"

She stood, putting a hand on her hip."What am I missing here?"

"Pol, he's using money that we don't have! I need a car, I need to get to him."

"Look, even if my nephew is being the biggest idiot, it's a bad idea to go there."

"Why?"

Her eyes widened."Don't snap at me young lady."

"I'm sorry, I just, I just know he's going to be stupid with what little money we have at the minute."

Polly was silent for a few seconds, and I didn't know if she was just staring me out, trying to make me leave. Perhaps she didn't think it was anything to worry over. But it was to me. She surprised me when she went into one of her drawers, pulling out a set of keys.

"Come on. I'll get one of the girls to call your work, say you're sick."

I tightly clasped my hands together as Polly drove. I was furious, trying to think of what to say to Finn when I got there. He stole our money. He went behind my back, gambling away the money we worked hard to earn. I had never said it, but Finn had it much easier than I did. For one, he worked with family, and although I liked my job, the boss could sometimes be an arsehole; second, he earned a lot more than me, so he was the bigger breadwinner between us, but I worked longer hours. Yes, he was in a gang meaning he had more days where his life was under threat, but he seemed to be having a jolly good time anyway. Really, it wouldn't have mattered who worked longer or harder, or who earned more, it was still our money to spend on our house.

As soon as Polly parked up, I was straight out of the car. She quickly followed grabbing my arm and warning me to not get lost in the crowds. I couldn't make a scene, especially since there could be potential business partners or enemies about. I refrained from rolling my eyes, knowing she was right but also knowing that I would find it extremely hard to not scream at Finn.

Polly guided me to where the men would be, ignoring the shoving and shouting. I wished for her to walk quicker. We swiftly entered the posher boxes, almost stopped by a doorman until his accomplice shut him up. I even heard him whisper 'That's Polly Gray you idiot.', the one time I was glad we had a reputation. She only paused to scan the room for the boys but I spotted them first. Quickly moving past her, I couldn't stop my fists from clenching, seeing Finn joyfully drinking and laughing with his brothers only added fire to my fury.

"Finn!" I snapped, quickly catching his attention.

"(Y/N)?" he exclaimed, struggling to stand and clattering the plates and glasses on the table."W-what are you doing here?"

"Stopping you from spending our money like a fucking idiot! Where is it?"

"Oh, Finn boy is in the doghouse." John chuckled.

"Shut up!" I fiercely pointed at him.

"Where's what?" Finn brought me back.

"Our money!"

"I told you, you do this outside." Polly warned, shoving Finn in that direction, and I knew I had to follow him.

Luckily, we were left alone. Finn continued on, finding someplace we would be alone. Once we were in the clear, the distant roar of the crowds covering our conversation, I saw him sigh quietly, running a hand down his face when he realised what was coming.

"Where's the money Finn?" I asked, calmer but with a mean tone.

"Let me explain first.”

"Explain how you took our money without asking? How you just waltzed out this morning without consulting me?"

"Tommy said that there was a good chance, a very good chance that this horse would win, and I thought it would help us if we put our money on it. Imagine how much we'll have if it wins!"

"If it wins Finn, if! You're gambling our money, why would you do something like that?"

"Because you went on about not having enough money! And here I am trying to help!"

My mouth dropped open in shock."You really don’t see the problem here."

"No, actually, I don't." he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Finn, you stole money from the drawer! You then go behind my back and bet it away. Have you thought about what we'll do if that horse loses?"

"But it won't, Tommy said."

"And what if Tommy is wrong this time? Also, don't pin this on your brother, I know he hasn't even suggested this idea."

"I'm not-urgh!" Finn groaned."Why don't you trust me?"

"I can't trust a gamble Finn. I don't think you realise how many nights I've spent lying awake, worried that we'll never have enough for our own home, and thinking that you don't even care anymore."

"Of course I care. This is why I've bet the money."

"How is this not getting in your head?"

"(Y/N)," he took my hands in his, but I couldn't even look at him,"in a few minutes we will hear them announce the winner, and we will start jumping for joy when we realise how much money we're going to get back, and we're going to be so much closer to getting our home."

"Finn, I desperately want to believe that. But even if we do win, you're in deep trouble." I took my hands away from him, turning around. I couldn't even look at my own fiance.

On queue, we heard a man come over the intercom, it was muffled to me but I knew Finn was listening intensely. Glancing over my shoulder, I watched for his reaction, turning around fully when I saw his expression. We had lost. We lost all that money.

"How could you be so fucking stupid?!" I screamed at him, throwing slaps onto his chest."Why couldn't you just listen to me? I don't understand why you had to lie to me Finn!"

I broke down crying, shoving him away from me. My sobs were loud but I didn't care. Finn could watch, see how much he upset me. My heart sank at the thought of it all gone, Finn had left scarcely any money in the drawer back at the flat.

"I'm sorry (Y/N)." Finn pathetically said.

"You know how you always go on about your family never trusting you enough for the big jobs? That you never get to go out with them and help? This is why. Because you do things like this, you fuck everything up Finn. Fuck!" I wiped away my tears, even though more spilled out."You know I've always stuck beside you, but this is the last straw Finn. I can't be with someone who doesn't want to put effort into their future."

"What are you saying? (Y/N), I can fix this. I promise I'll get the money back, I'll-"

"How? That took us so long to build that up. And you were spending our money almost every night on useless drinking. I can't Finn, I can't live like that anymore."

He ducked his head, and I almost wanted him to say something. When he didn't, I knew what I had to do.

I took a deep breath before speaking."I'm going home. I suggest you stay at Polly's tonight."

"Let me take you home-"

"No!"

"What's going on?" Tommy suddenly appeared, he, his brothers and Polly approaching.

"Your nephew, your brother, just gave away almost all of our money betting on a horse. Not only that, but he took the money without telling me. That was money for a house." I angrily explained.

"Is that true Finn?"

Finn shamefully nodded.

"We can get you your money back (Y/N)."

"It's not about that Tom. He's lied to me. He promised me he wouldn't spend our money every week, yet he did. And then he takes our money without asking me about it first."

"I'll fix it (Y/N), I promise I will." Finn was begging at this point.

"Another promise that you're bound to break. I've had enough today."

"Let's get you home love." Polly said, putting a stop to this argument as she stepped forward, taking me under her arm.

Finn didn't come home that night. I didn't sleep. I was sat at the tiny dining table, staring at the ring on my finger, wondering what to do. It broke my heart to think about leaving him, but it also broke my heart thinking about how reckless he had been. Did I really want to be marrying someone who acted like this? Would he mature? My heart wanted to believe he would, but my mind kept telling me that today confirmed he wouldn't. That was one of the worst nights of my life.

                                     *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I couldn't stand this job any longer. But it was the only thing keeping me alive. It was crappy work, the pay was just above minimum, enough for me to buy food, pay my rent and have the tiniest amount left over. Saving up money was hard when it was just you. Even after two years, I didn't have enough to consider looking at places of my own, or with less roommates. It was exhausting keeping up with these girls I lived with, there were 6 of us altogether. It was a big change when I moved away from Small Heath.

"You ready (Y/N)?" one of my roommates called out to me as I finished applying my lipstick.

"Just a second!" I replied, checking myself in the mirror.

It was the rare occasion that I was going out with them, the one time we could all go out together at all. I was looking forward to a few drinks, and although that sounded hypocritical, I realised that I had to have a night or two in at least a month to relieve myself of the stress I put upon myself.

We arrived at the small club we always went to, it had the cheapest drinks this side of town. We all shivered in the cold weather, walking as fast as we could to make it to the club. The warmth was very welcome, as well as the loud music that drew us further in. It was the usual routine, a few of us grab a table, the others get the drinks in, then we would all make our way to the dance floor. Hours passed, and I had to get away from the heat coming from the dancing, stepping back towards our table to get a drink. I saw my roommate stumbling in the direction of the bar, rolling my eyes as I went to help her, perhaps getting a drink whilst I was there. However, once I got closer, I stared at the man she was starting to flirt with.

"Isaiah?" I said as I got closer.

"(Y/N)!" he smiled, bringing me in for a hug.

"You two know each other?" my roommate asked, looking disappointed.

"He's an old friend. Just that, nothing else."

Isaiah let me go."How long has it been? Two years?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, two years. What are you doing here?"

"Business. Nothing dangerous though, you girls are still in for a good night. Especially you if you're good." he winked to my roommate.

"Is he...is he here?" my voice suddenly went shaky, and I felt almost completely sober.

Isaiah's playful nature dropped."Uh, he is. He's really misses you (Y/N). Hasn't even looked at another girl since you left. He's just not been the same." I wasn't sure how to reply.

"I can't not tell him I saw you. Imagine if he found out, he would be so upset with me."

"I know. I wouldn't want to hurt your friendship."

"Maybe you should see him. It might do you both some good."

"Or the opposite."

"He still loves you. Even if you don't feel the same, it could bring closure. But I know you (Y/N), I can tell what you're thinking."

"You were always annoying like that."

"He's out front, in the corridor. That's all I'm going to say."

I looked at him for a few seconds, trying to make my mind up."Well, this one is a handful, just so you know."

"I think I can handle her." Isaiah smirked.

"I was warning her about you."

I giggled at his reaction, walking away and leaving him in his natural habitat of flirting. But as soon as I turned around, my stomach dropped, nerves filling up my entire body. He was here. I hadn't seen him for two years, though I thought about him everyday. Would he look different? Did I look different? What was he going to say? What was I going to say? My brain didn't want to think of any words, maybe I was about to babble absolute nonsense to him.

Upon seeing him, my throat tightened, the cool air slapping me in the face; oh, now I was sober. He hadn't noticed yet, leaning up against a wall, hands in his pockets. Wow, he had changed. His boyish charm was still there, yet he had matured into a handsome young man. It was like I was seeing him for the first time all over again. I was just happy that he would be seeing me in my finer clothes rather than catching me after work.

Urging my feet to move, I almost sighed at how small my steps were. I really was scared. Isaiah had said reassuring things, yet I couldn't even walk up to him. It was too late to back out now, especially when he finally looked up at me. I froze on the spot, not knowing what to do. Finn seemed the same way.

"(Y/N)." he said, I only just heard it.

"Hello."

Hello? Really, that's all I could come up with?

He pushed himself off the wall, coming to stand in front of me, though not too close."I...I can't believe you're here."

"I could say the same about you."

"This is where you've been living then."

I nodded."It's not too bad. I mean, I'm on a night out."

"Who are you with?"

I knew he was wondering if I was with a man."My roommates, I live with five other girls."

"Oh, that's a lot."

"Yeah, it's the only place I could afford."

"I hope it's nice."

"I shouldn't complain. A lot better than other places."

We both knew we were making an awful attempt at small talk. I was sure he had so much to say like I did, we just didn't want to dump it on each other in case the other ran away. It was like we were teenagers again, awkwardly trying to think of something to fill the dreaded silence.

"I really want to talk about us (Y/N)." Finn said.

"You do?"

"I...I just have so much to say to you. I can't do it now, but what about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Tomorrow, um, yes, yes tomorrow works for me. It's the weekend, so I'm not working."

He smiled slightly."OK, good. I'll come get you. Um, I need your address."

"Oh, here." I dug around in my purse, thankful there was a folded up tissue and a pen, it was good to be prepared. I wrote down my address, handing it to him.

"I'll pick you up at one. I would want it to be earlier, you just never know what time you'll be back with this sort of thing."

"I understand Finn, I did live this with you once."

I barely slept, even when we stumbled in at three in the morning. Luckily I hadn't seen Finn, Isaiah or any other Peaky Blinder that evening, no doubt settling business behind the scenes. Despite the lack of sleep, I was wide awake the next morning, up before everyone else who were nursing their hangovers, trying on multiple outfits in a desperate attempt to look nice, but not as if I put too much effort in. The clock was rolling onto one o'clock, and my heart was beating much faster than usual. I was about to make my way downstairs when something glistened on my small vanity. Should I take it? Yes, I would.

Finn knocked on the door, and I waited a few seconds before opening it. We smiled as we greeted each other, not going in for a hug or kiss on the cheek, something I was worried about. That was the first hurdle jumped over.

"How was your evening?" Finn struck up a conversation as we walked further into town.

"Much better than yours I presume?" I smirked. He chuckled."Yeah, didn't exactly get to enjoy the music. Small fight, nothing we couldn't handle."

It was strange hearing about Blinder business again."Well I'm glad you're all safe."

"I thought we could go out for lunch, saw a nice place round here."

"Oh, that would be lovely."

"We don't have to, if you don't feel comfortable."

"No, no, no, it's not that. It's just a lovely thing for you to do."

We both bashfully smiled, luckily the restaurant was just around the corner. I had expected nothing less when we walked into the fancy place, not because I thought I deserved it, but because Finn wouldn't be seen anywhere else. His clothes were even more tailored now than they had been the last I saw him, indicating that the gang had been doing well, more money was coming in. We both immediately picked up our menus as we sat, hoping someone would speak first. Our eyes glanced over the top of them, it was as if we were on our first date again, only this time in a better establishment.

"You look beautiful." he said, still hiding part of his face.

"Thank you." I blushed.

"I'll never forget what you wore when I picked you up for our first date. That blue dress you just bought, with a matching purse, and those heels that you hadn't practiced walking in. Well, you used that as an excuse to latch into my arm all night."

I smiled, placing down my menu."It was a good plan, wasn't it? And I did struggle in those heels, I just didn't want to embarrass myself."

He copied me."I liked holding your hand all night."

"What a sweet sentiment."

"I mean it. And I mean this date. That didn't sound right, but...what I'm trying to say is that I want to make it all up to you."

"You do?"

"Yes! I really didn't expect you to leave. I mean I did, but I didn't want to believe that. I didn't want to believe that I had been so selfish that I couldn't even see how much I had hurt you." 

“That was the hardest decision I ever made. Most days I battle with myself whether I made the right choice. All night I kept making deals with myself. If you came back, I would hear you out, and if it was good enough for me I would stay. But then you didn’t, so I said to myself ‘Give him another hour.’. An hour went by, and I said the same thing to myself. That went on for the whole evening until I found myself angrily packing my things. Even then, I sat by door on top of my suitcase for another hour or so.”

“I thought you just got up and left. I didn’t realise how long you waited for me.” he sighed into his hands.“I’m such a fucking idiot.”

I could tell he was full of regret. Although it sounded sadistic, I was glad that he was upset when reflecting on our past relationship, it meant he realised his mistake. On the other hand, I hated seeing him sad. I took his hands away from his face, hesitantly reaching into my handbag to pull out the engagement ring I kept.

His eyes widened.“You still have that? I looked everywhere for it when you left, guessed you took it to sell.”

“I won’t lie, that was my intention at first. But it meant too much to me. It was like selling a piece of my soul. I kept it hidden, I didn’t want to risk any of the girls seeing it, they would just ask too many questions.”

I kept my eye on the beautiful ring as I spoke, slowly twirling it around to catch it twinkling in the light.

"I had such a hard time picking that out. I knew what you wanted, but I had to get it right for you. I'm so glad you kept it."

"I did try to sell it. I was stood outside of a shop for ten minutes debating with myself. It would have helped a lot for the deposit on the room, but I couldn't do it."

We were silent, both staring at the ring. We used to do that a lot actually. Finn would take my hand and hold it up as we laid in bed together, both giggling as we watched it glisten like it was in present times, before squealing at the thought of us being married to each other. I constantly fiddled with it when he was off on business, a habit which never wore off, even now; whenever I was nervous or worried, I would automatically do the same action, just without the ring.

A waiter awkwardly interrupted us, and I hurriedly put the ring back in my bag, sharing an embarrassed smile with Finn as we ordered. Once he was gone, I quietly sighed, looking out of the window. We were in such a nice part of town, so many ladies in beautiful dresses and men in smart suits strolling around.

"Are you...are you OK for money?" Finn boldly asked.

I was a little shocked by that.

"I don't mean anything by it. I just want to make sure you're OK, I would hate for you to be struggling, if you were."

"Uh, no, no I'm fine actually. It's not as generous as my old wage but it keeps me alive, I can live with the bare necessities."

I could see him itching to say something else, to keep the conversation going. I wasn't sure if we could go back to the serious topic we had before. However, I also wanted to bring it back up, it felt like we needed to talk about us.

"How's the family?" That's all I could come up with.

"They're fine. Everyone is the same. Well, they're not, they're a bit more serious nowadays."

"They weren't in the first place?"

He smiled."I suppose they were. Tension is the right word, tensions have been rising. Tommy's taking on a lot more, Polly knows all these secrets that no one else does, Ada is rebelling against anything Tommy says, Linda is still annoying, Esme and John have been popping kids out left, right and centre. Arthur is still crazy."

"Sounds like business as usual to me."

"They miss you too."

"Do they?"

"Yeah. Almost as much as me."

I cast my eyes down as butterflies rose in my stomach.

"I heard nothing else for the next few weeks after you left. They all told me what an idiot I was, that I was an extremely reckless, stupid and immature boy, and that I had let the best thing in my life get away from me. And they were right. I knew all of that already."

"I...I don't really know what to say right now."

"You don't have to say anything, let's just enjoy this meal, no more of that talk."

The nerves making my stomach flip built at that. What if we had nothing else to talk about? What if it was too weird to dive into our separate lives? I didn't want to sit across my ex-fiance, painfully and politely smiling through forced conversation.

The spark was still there.

When the waiter had returned with our drinks, we were already deep in talk about what had been happening in our personal everyday life. We were non stop, even as we ate through dinner. The waiters had trouble catching our attention each time they checked on us. I was deep in those eyes again, the ones I always dreamed of seeing. We were laughing hysterically, not at all acting how we should have in that establishment (there were a few eye rolls from other patrons). As if time had gone by in a second, the bill was slipped towards Finn, though I still reached into my purse.

"Are you mad? No, put your money away, I'm not taking it." Finn stated as he carelessly threw down some notes, surprisingly taking my hand in his and guiding me out of the restaurant.

I was tense as we walked, and I saw a flash of realisation in Finn's eyes as we made it outside. Both looking down at our interlocked fingers, Finn broke away, clearing his throat.

"Sorry, force of habit."

Hesitating, I smiled up at him, lacing our hands together again."These are new heels I'm breaking in. Need help walking in them."

He chuckled, pulling me closer as we walked down the street. We were silent, feeling like kids in love again. I couldn't deny that my feelings were still strong for Finn, I missed him dearly. At first, part of me had been wary of all this, wondering if he really had good intentions, or just thought he could get a quick shag in from an ex before he left; but the effort he went through, the things we spoke about, trying to heal old wounds, Finn had matured and he was wanting to fix this. I wanted to fix this, my heart was aching for my old life with him. 

“We’re not done yet, are we?” I timidly asked.

“Not unless you want it to be.”

I instantly shook my head.“No, I’d like to stay out for longer.”

“Even though you’re struggling in your heels?”

I smirked.“I know a nice place we can sit down.”

I took him to the local park, it had a huge lake with benches dotted around, luckily it wasn’t busy, there was somehow a hint of privacy here. We sat down close to each other, hands still entwined. 

“You still hungry?” I asked.

“Hm?”

I dug into my purse, producing a bag of sweets I had bought the previous day. I laughed as his eyes lit up, taking one without even asking. I took one too, reminiscing on how we used to do the same thing as kids. It seemed he was thinking about it too.

“Just like the old days.” Finn said.

“We spent way too much money on sweets back then. It’s a wonder we still have our teeth.”

 “Wish I got out of that spending habit. We could be married and in our new house by now.”

“So you never wanted to move on? You didn’t give in to those girls wanting to be with a Peaky Blinder?”

“Never. I couldn’t. I couldn’t even fathom being with anyone else, it was always you (Y/N). Did you date?”

“No, I felt exactly the same. Which is why I was angry at myself for a long time. I was supposed to be upset with you, not still in love.”

His head whipped round to face me.“You still love me?”

My mouth was still open, unsure how to answer. It seemed I didn’t have to as Finn leaned in, placing on hand on my cheek as we kissed. Instinctively I kissed back, placing my hands on him where I could, hearing the bag of sweets fall to the ground and spill its contents. This kiss was needy, the type of kiss you gave your partner when you had missed them, when they had been away for a long time; and although we had our hands on each other, our touch was still gentle.

“Get the ring.” Finn breathed out, our lips still almost touching.

I carelessly got it for him, heart beating extremely fast. He took it from me, pecking me on the lips one last time before standing up. He straightened out his suit, took a deep breath and got down on one knee. I was just as emotional the first time he did it.

“(Y/N), I know I messed up everything in the past, I was careless when I should have been supportive and helped to build our future. I learnt from those mistakes, and I really, really want to go back to how we were. I need you (Y/N), I love you so much. There aren’t enough words to express how much love I have for you. Will you marry me?”

I didn’t need to think about my answer. I blurted out a yes, waiting for him to slide the ring back on my finger before throwing myself onto him. We stumbled back onto the ground, our arms around each other as we laughed and cried. I believed him this time, I truly believed him. He put in the effort to show me his changes, he wanted to fix everything. I wanted things back to the way they were with my man, and we were back to building our future and living the rest of our lives together.

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 22/?

Word Count: 1.8k

Author's Note: Y/N - Your name, A/N - Any name (Your best friend's name)

We're back, we're in full swing, we've hit like 50 followers, we've hit 500 notes. We're thriving.

Also! Fun fact but I can't actually watch Young Justice season 3 (and 4) or Titans :/ They're on DC Universe, which is only available in America. (If you can't catch on, I'm not from America lol)

Warnings: Swearing, Description of Injury, Kidnapping, Police/ Justice System, Manipulation attempts, Gaslighting, Violence, No beta bitch we die like Jason Todd.

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20) (Part 21) (Part 22)

The days became longer and kept bothering Y/N. She was losing grip on reality. Aria would come in occasionally and feed her. Give her water. Let her use the bathroom. She was stuck. She wanted to knock off that stupid fucking bird plague doctor mask and, look her pathetic sister in her eyes. And let Aria know that she knew, she knew who it was.

But she was backed into a corner. And the mask was not going to come off anytime. Boy, oh boy, she wanted it to fall. She wanted it to slip so she could boot it into the walls she had become accustomed to. She wanted it to fall and shatter.

Aria came into the room like normal, to be greeted by Y/N not even looking her in the eyes.

"Come here, love," Aria said.

"Go to Hell."

"I need to use you for a "Proof of Life" video. So I can use you for ransom. Come here."

"No."

"Come here. Now," Aria said, voice getting more hoarse and pissed off with Y/N and her actions.

"No."

"Come. Here. Now!" She screeched.

"No!"

She felt Aria's claws grab her wrists and dig in, she could feel the blood seeping through the claws from her wrists. Aria pushed her into the wall, still gripping her wrists and letting the blood flow down Y/N's arms.

"Listen here, you fucking bitch," Aria said, dropping her voice a few octaves, to seem intimidating. "I want that money. If you don't cooperate, I'll kill you."

Y/N whimpered but spat at her sister, "You'll fucking die trying."

Aria wrestled Y/N into her seat and handcuffed her to it. She then set up the video camera.

"And, recording. Talk."

"I fucking hate you."

"You should."

"Go to fucking Hell."

"The date is February 14th. Here," she shoved a newspaper into the view of the camera, Y/N didn't even notice Aria bring it in. She saw the article on the back of her kidnapping. She knew people were still talking.

"Here is the date. On a newspaper. This video will be released today. If I don't get the money within a week, I'll kill her. Along with the Waynes."

Y/N gulped. This just got so much more real than she was expecting.

Aria left the room, with Y/N still handcuffed to the chair. She took in the room she had become used to. She had spent a week in captivity, expecting the vigilantes of Gotham to come and get them, but they didn't. She was confused as to why-

Wait a damn minute, she thought. Are you- Wait- Wait- Wait- Wait. Oh my god? The family is in captivity, the vigilantes haven't come for us yet, are- she paused. Are they the vigilantes? There's no way, they can't be- Can they? They can- Can't they, huh? Fuck. We're- We're not getting out anytime soon. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

This is a God damn pickle we've gotten into. Aria must know what I think, the family- she paused, almost as if she didn't believe what she was thinking. That they're the Gotham vigilantes. She must- Fuck!

I don't care that they didn't tell me- she thought like someone could read her thoughts. She figured that someone might be able to. She knew that Martian Manhunter had those abilities. she figured that Miss Martian, who she didn't see often, likely shared those abilities.

I care that we might be fucked.

---------------------------------------

Before she knew it, that exact day, she figured, February 14th? The door was broken down by Superman. This just put the pieces together more for Y/N. Her assumptions about the Waynes being the Gotham vigilantes were just seeming more likely as time went on.

Superman uncuffed her and she thanked him before running out to where Aria was being arrested by the Gotham police. But she didn't stop, and she knocked off Aria's mask.

"Oh, hi Y/N," Aria said, nonchalantly.

"Oh, hi Y/N," Y/N mocked. "You fucking bitch!" she yelled and pushed Aria, while the police tried to detain her. She struggled and tried to attack Aria further, "Let go! I know her power of attorney is going to be her sister-"

"How do you know that?" Commissioner Gordon asked.

"Because her sister is me!" She yelled when she finally broke away from the police, trying to get closer to Aria, before Commissioner Gordon stopped her, grabbing her arms and squeezing lightly. She stared at him, dead-faced. No emotions were there, other than anger, raw, seething anger.

Aria laughed, "Oops. I guess the jig is up."

Y/N was seething, she didn't even notice the JLA and the rest of the Waynes were behind her. She was still struggling to get towards Aria, yelling and just making noise.

She was making a scene, but she didn't care. She felt betrayed.

"You fucking bitch. You absolutely pathetic piece of shit."

"Keep yelling at me, Y/N. Mom and Dad will be disappointed in you. They always are, aren't they?"

Y/N turned to Commissioner Gordon, who was still holding her in place, "You either get her out of my fucking face in 5 seconds or I'm going to hurt her. That's not a threat," she turned to Aria, "That's a fucking promise."

"We might have to detain you at this rate, Y/N."

"And I would understand that, but I'm going to hurt her."

"Ma'am, calm down." Commissioner Gordon said before waving his hand and the other police took Aria into the back of a police car. "I'm going to have to arrest you," he said, trying to show sympathy for the pain that Y/N was in.

"Then do it already," Y/N mumbled, eyes still locked on the police car her sister was in.

"Gordon?" Jason called, "I swear, I've never seen this much anger in her. I'm sure you can send her home with us."

"You better be right about that, Jason."

"I really think I am right."

Gordon looked at Y/N, which she caught in the corner of her eye. She could tell he was upset about this, he was trying to get to her, to get her to understand her anger was okay, but beating her sister wasn't.

And then Aria waved as they drove her to the station.

But she wasn't even paying attention and before she knew it, she was in Jason's arms. He was holding her while talking to the police about the attack. He had his hands wrapped around her waist while he was behind her, maximizing the ability he had to stop her should she run.

He knew what he was doing, and it was working to calm her slightly, to the point where the police were able to talk to her about her experience with the attacker they knew as Hour, or as Arianna (Last name).

Once they were done with questioning her, they spoke more to Jason, who still had her in his grasp.

She surveyed the area and noticed that Bruce was talking to Superman.

The pieces were all falling into place. She knew he had to be Batman at that moment.

And she wanted in on it.

The hopelessness she felt when Aria had her kidnapped was astronomical. She wanted to make sure no one ever felt that way again, not if she could help it. She wanted in on it all.

She thought back to Jason's stab wound, the scar still fresh. She knew it wasn't a mugging. It had to be him saving the city from peril. She realized how dumb she was for buying into that lie, but she wasn't mad at anyone in her vicinity.

She was mad- pissed- so far beyond angry at Aria.

She didn't know she could be so angry. She didn't know she had it in her to be so angry at Aria. But she was. She was so unbelievably pissed. Any mention of her name sent Y/N into seething anger, and Jason could feel her heart race in her body.

She wasn't paying attention to words anymore. She just wanted to get out of there, to go home. To her home, not Jason's. She didn't feel safe in the Wayne Manor anymore.

No one could blame her when she told the police to drive her to her house, not the Wayne Manor. Jason just hugged her and asked when he could see her next. She told him in the morning. "Or," she added, "At 3 in the morning. I don't care. Just leave me alone right now."

Everyone understood. They didn't have their own sister kidnap them after all.

She got to her house and got inside, A/N immediately trying to flag her down to talk to her, but she just put up a hand and waved her off. Slinking to her room without a second thought and locking the door.

She didn't want to talk about it. The thoughts about her sister racing through her mind. The thoughts about how her boyfriend was a vigilante. How was she going to bring this up? How was she going to tell him that she knew? That she wanted in on the act? That she wanted to fight alongside him- and his family?

Before she knew it, and like clockwork, it was 3 in the morning. And Jason was knocking on her window. She assumed that he had tried to let himself into her room, but to no avail since she hadn't unlocked the door.

She went over to her window and unlocked it. She lifted it and Jason crawled in.

"I have a front door," she said.

"You didn't answer when I tried to knock on your door," he joked. "How are you holding up?"

"As well as anyone can in my situation."

"Well, everyone wishes you came home with us, so we could watch you on your first night away from-"

"From my sister?"

"I was going to say from captivity."

"So, my sister."

"Yeah, that."

"Uh-huh."

"So, anyway," Jason said, trying to get Y/N's mind off of Aria. "Did you sleep when you got here?" he asked.

"No. I was busy."

"Doing what?"

"Lost in thought. There's a lot of thoughts, not enough brain," she joked. "You probably get that part."

"I do-"

"When were you going to tell me?" she but in.

"Tell you what?" he questioned, confused.

"That you're one of the vigilantes," she answered, studying his face. He seemed taken aback by the statement and tried to avert her gaze. Oh yeah, he knows what I'm on about, she thought.

"I-"

"You know what I'm on about, Jay. You know I know so don't lie anymore."

"Y/N-"

"No. You know I know. I know you know. Don't lie anymore. I'm not even ad at the lies, you're trying to keep me safe, obviously."

"Oh."

"The truth is, babe, I want in."

"What!?"

(Oh my god? Are we going to get Red Hood action? (The answer is yes, in due time)

[storiesforallfandoms]

like i’m gonna lose you ~ machine gun kelly

part one

word count: 2276

request?: kind of?

description: after a painful reconnection, he decides to prove to her that he will do anything to get her back

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing

based (partially) on this song

masterlist

As he promised, the news of Colson and Megan’s “breakup” came a few days after our discussion. The news broke first on an few online tabloids, then Colson took to his social media to “confirm the rumors”.

“We’re just not right for one another,” he wrote in his post. “I still love Megan as a friend, and we’re going to stay in each other’s life. We both want our privacy during this time.”

Strangely enough, the conversation we had plus the actual confirmation that the fake relationship was over gave me a better sense of closure than our actual breakup had. I knew why Colson had ended things, and I knew that what he had with Megan wasn’t real and that it was over for good now. It was better than thinking he had suddenly stopped loving me after all those years.

Even with that closure, though, I stayed true to my word. Colson unblocked me and re-followed me on all his social media, and let me know he had unblocked my number from his phone by sending me a text. But I wouldn’t budge on trying to get back together with him. With the closure I had, I was starting to feel like I could move on from our breakup and be somewhat happy again.

It was hard to completely move on, though, when Colson was still trying to reach out to me constantly. He respected my boundaries and would stop whenever I asked him to, but it also didn’t take too long before he would message me again. Part of me wanted to block him back - it would’ve been beyond satisfying to reverse the roles on him and leave him blocked and heartbroken without explanation. But I was also enjoying getting to talk to him again, even if I knew it would lead to more heartbreak eventually.

The day I arrived home from work to find him sat on my doorstep, I felt something snap inside of me. The built up anger and sadness from the past year was finally bubbling over, and I had the exact person who had caused it all sat on my doorstep.

I got out of my car and slammed the door so hard I was shocked the windows didn’t shatter. “Colson, you can’t just fucking show up on my doorstep unannounced. This is borderline stalking now.”

“I want to talk like adults but you just keep brushing me off,” he retorted. “What else am I supposed to do?”

“Respect my fucking boundaries maybe? Realize that if I’m telling you that I don’t want to talk to you or see you that I actually fucking mean it?”

He stood from the doorstep and shoved his hands in his pocket. “I know that you mean it.”

I glared at him as I tried to shove past him to get through my door. He moved to stand in my way again, which just made me feel even more angry.

“If you know that I mean it,” I hissed, “then leave me the fuck alone Colson. You’ve hurt me enough, I don’t want to see you anymore.”

“I know I hurt you,” he said. “And I know that there’s nothing I can do to fix that, but please, let me try at least.”

“You did try, and I turned you down, remember? Now fuck off.”

I managed to push him out of my way in order to get into the house. He stood on my doorstep watching me for some time, and I knew that meant he wasn’t going away. No matter how hard I wanted to let him go, I knew my heart wasn’t going to let me. I sighed heavily and turned to face him.

“This is your last chance,” I told him. “You can come in and we can talk like adults, but just know that whatever decision I make after this is my final decision. No more of this harassing me and showing up on my doorstep. If I tell you to leave and you show up again I will call the cops on you, and I have a feeling that’s the last thing your manager wants.”

Colson nodded and followed me into my house.

I watched as he looked around, taking in the familiar place that he once called a second home. Very little had changed since we broke up, except for the fact that I got rid of all the pictures I had of the two of us. I was sure he had noticed that.

“Your place was always so much cozier than mine,” he commented.

“It’s cause it’s smaller,” I told him. “Your place is good for all the people you have over, but when it’s just you and Casie it’s far too big.”

“It is,” he agreed. “I would prefer to live in a place like this.”

“You could’ve,” I found myself muttering. Unfortunately, I said it a little too loud and Colson caught the comment. His face changed then, a sad wave washing over him.

“I should’ve,” he said. “God, I’m a fucking idiot.”

“We’ve been over that.”

He followed me to the kitchen and sat down at my table. Despite it only being early evening, I decided this moment called for a glass of wine. I poured myself one, and decided to mix Colson a drink with the liquor I knew he liked most.

“Saying I didn’t mean to hurt you is the stupidest thing ever,” he said after taking a giant gulp from the glass. “Of course I was going to hurt you. I broke up with you out of nowhere and then just ghosted you for a year. I guess...I thought that would be easier. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t love you enough to fight for you over my career.”

“I’m glad you realize how shitty and stupid that idea you had was. I wish you would’ve told me from the start what the plan was. I wouldn’t have been as hurt if you had.”

“I know...I know.”

I took a sip of my wine and immediately wished it was something stronger, something that would get me fucked up within minutes of drinking it.

I was mentally kicking myself for letting him back in again. That time at the coffee shop hurt enough and that was an accidental encounter we had. But to actually bring him into my home when I was finally starting to move on? I must really like to be hurt, because it seemed as though I was constantly trying to hurt myself lately.

“What would you have said if I had told you?” he asked. “Truthfully.”

I took a moment to think the situation over, to try and decide how I would’ve reacted if he had told me from the beginning instead of just breaking my heart.

“I still would’ve been hurt,” I admitted. “Not by you but by your manager. He knew about us, and even though we never went public with the relationship, my friends and family know. It wouldn’t exactly have been as easy to explain the whole publicity stunt relationship thing to any of them. I’d probably try to come up with a better solution, and if that didn’t work then...I’d just have to accept it.”

“Would you have stayed with me?”

I was shocked by his question. “Of course I would’ve. Everything between you and Megan was fake, there were no real feelings. Sure, seeing the pictures and everything would’ve hurt, but at the end of the day it would be me you were holding and kissing and actually loving. I probably could’ve been friends with Megan instead of hating her guts.”

Colson looked down at his glass, which was now almost empty. “I thought you would’ve broken up with me if I told you the truth.”

“You don’t know me that well, obviously,” I said. “Colson, there were ways around this. You didn’t have to break my heart.”

I could see that his eyes were starting to become more wet with tears. He was trying to hide them, but once his eyes starting welling up, his nose and his cheeks became flush and I could see his Adam’s apple bobbing as he tried to swallow his tears.

“I fucking hate him, man,” he finally said, his voice cracking slightly. “He’s supposed to help me with my career, not put my career first over my own life and my happiness. And I hate myself too for thinking the best way to deal with this was to break up with you completely.”

I sat back in my chair, unsure of what to do. I wanted to comfort him, of course, but I didn’t want him to think that crying was going to get him off the hook. I was glad he was feeling my pain, but fuck did I ever hate to see Colson cry.

“I hated you, too,” I admitted. “I slandered your name to anyone who would listen. Eventually my friends got sick of hearing the name Colson Baker come out of my mouth, but they all knew how hurt I was.”

“Do you still hate me?”

I shook my head. “No. I never truly hated you. I just wanted to hate you, because hating you was easier than still being in love with you and watching you fall in love with someone else.”

He started to reach for my hands, but pulled away just as quickly. He sat back in his own chair, putting as much space between the two of us as possible. “There could never be anyone else. You’re my one and only, (Y/N), you always have been.”

I let the silence wash over the two of us. I wanted to let his words hang over us, to try and digest them and decide how I felt in that moment.

“I had a dream while you were on tour,” I said after a moment. “Well, a nightmare really. We had fallen asleep watching TV on the couch, and when I woke up I couldn’t find you. You weren’t in the house, you weren’t answering your phone, none of your friends or Casie knew where you were. I began to panic. I went driving and drove the entirety of Cleveland looking for you, but I couldn’t find you. Around the end of the dream, I was screaming your name and I could hear you calling back to me, but the more I ran to find you the further away you got. I eventually woke up drenched in sweat and crying because I thought it was real.”

“That was the night you called me,” he said. “I remember I was having a bad night mentally and all I wanted was to have you on the tour bus with me, in my arms. Then you called, and I thought it was like...a sign or something. Something good.”

I couldn’t help but smile at this. “I never told you because I thought it was a stupid nightmare, and I didn’t wanna be one of those girlfriends that calls in need of constant reassurance about their relationship.”

“I would’ve reassured you no matter how many times you called me.”

I looked down at my own glass, nearly empty as well.

“Can we ever go back from this?” Colson asked. “Can we try to start over after what happened?”

“How do you start over after spending five years with someone?” I asked. “We were basically married, how do you just go back to square one after that?”

“Well...you try and gain that trust back, then you try and get things back to how they were before,” he explained. “I don’t expect it to happen overnight, but I can’t be without you anymore (Y/N). It’s driving me crazy, you drive me crazy.”

I felt tears stinging my eyes, and I realized in that moment that Colson was now freely crying in front of me. God, we were both just messes. I wished none of this had ever happened.

“You really hurt me,” I said, my voice just barley a whisper.

“I know,” he said. “I know I did. I don’t expect you to ever forget that. I don’t deserve to be forgiven, I know that.”

“I’ll never forget it,” I confirmed. “But knowing the reasoning makes it easier to forgive.”

When he reached for my hand this time, I met him halfway.

“It won’t be easy,” I told him. “You know that, right? I’m not going to come running into your arms again after a few nights. You have to work for this, Colson.”

“I know,” he repeated. “I’ll do anything, (Y/N).”

Despite my better judgement, I sat forward and looked into his eyes. God, I loved those beautiful blue eyes more than anything in this world.

“You can start by kissing me.”

He nearly jumped over the table at this. He took my face in his hands and pressed my lips against his. I had missed this feeling so much; the pure passion that came with every kiss. I put a hand behind his neck to keep him close. I never wanted to let go ever again.

He pulled away first and rested his forehead against mine. “I’m so sorry, (Y/N).”

“I don’t want to hear those words out of your mouth ever again,” I told him. “We’re forgetting this, remember?”

He smiled. “Okay, then how about these words: I love you.”

I couldn’t help but smile back. The magic words I had longed to hear for so long, they sounded so right coming from his lips. “I love you, too.”

[tearsofgrace]

eternity with you

that’s right. 12 days after the gd finale aired i finally wrote a mf coda

wc: 2.1k, tags: john winchester’s a+ parenting, angst, but happy ending, love confessions, first kiss

edit: thanks @fandomstuff67 for the title you queen

also on archive

“Cas helped,” Bobby said with a smile, looking over at Dean to catch his reaction.

Dean felt a jolt of electricity run through him, and he fought to control his face. He was in Heaven now. Cas was in Heaven now. He gulped, trying to stop the shaking.

“He’s-” he started. He couldn’t say it. Otherwise it might slip away. He’d hadn’t even mentioned Cas’ name since it happened… it hurt too much. It hurt too much to think about what Cas had said. To think about how he’d just stood there, the world collapsing all around him.

“Cas is alive,” Bobby finished with a smile.

“Alive,” Dean repeated slowly, tasting the word on his tongue. Cas was alive. “Where?” he blurted before he could stop himself.

Bobby raised an eyebrow and took another sip of beer. “Don’t know. Could be anywhere in Heaven. He and Jack don’t really stay in one place.”

Dean gulped again and nodded. He was sure he was being obvious… but at this point, what did it matter? He had to find Cas. He had to find Cas and tell him- well, and give him an answer. He had to explain why he hadn’t gotten him out while he was on Earth. Had to explain that he’d tried… even if Sam didn’t know.

“It’s a big, new world out there.” Bobby was still smiling, a peace in his eyes that Dean had rarely, if ever, seen when he was alive. “I guess the question is… what are you gonna do now, Dean?”

Find Cas, he thought immediately. But he didn’t say it. He hadn’t even processed the fact that Cas was gone yet, much less that he was in love with-

“I need to go see my folks,” he said through gritted teeth. Then he took a steadying breath and looked up from his beer to Bobby. “Then I’m gonna find Cas.” He held the older hunter’s gaze, almost challenging him to comment. But Bobby just smiled back at him and nodded.

“Well, you’ll need that then,” he said, nodding to the open field in front of them.

Even with his thoughts swirling and his heart still pounding in his chest, Dean couldn’t stop the smile that formed when he saw his Baby sitting ready and waiting. That was some consolation, at least. Some consolation for being separated from his brother, from his life, from the apple-pie job he’d been about to take. But there was no use dwelling on the past now. He was dead. And he wasn’t going back… not this time. So, he might as well put a few things to bed while he was here.

Slipping behind the wheel felt as safe as it always did. Baby hadn’t changed. Even the imperfections had stuck, and he was grateful for it. People always thought paradise meant perfection, but he didn’t think so. No, paradise was something else. It was acceptance. It was truth. It was family.

He waved goodbye to Bobby and pulled out onto the road, driving slowly to look for the house. He wasn’t surprised when he found it. It looked exactly like the old house in Lawrence. Complete with the tree in front.

His nerves started buzzing more as he walked up the long drive to the porch. He should just go find Cas now. This wasn’t important.

But before he could turn to leave, the door swung open and his mom was wrapping him in a giant hug, tears wet on her cheeks. She was younger than when he knew her. More like the Mary he’d seen when he was thrown into the past. She looked happier too. Free of the worries of the world.

“You made it,” she said simply, her arms still tight around him.

“Yeah,” he said with a laugh. He held her tight, the tornado of emotions inside him threatening to break free. Then he looked up and saw the reason he was here. His heart nearly stopped, but by some heavenly miracle, it kept beating.

“Hey, Dad.”

John nodded, a smile breaking out over his youthful face. “Dean,” he managed, before going in for a hug.

Instinctively, Dean backed up, his hands held up defensively. He took another deep breath, glancing back to the car as if he still had a chance to run, and then turned to face John.

The smile had melted from his face and he folded his arms across his chest.

Dean shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at his feet. Maybe he was being stupid. Because it hadn’t really been that bad, right? He’d made it all up. His dad had been through a lot. He had every right to treat them like he did. And Dean had never measured up. Had never been good enough. That was on him.

That’s not who you are, Cas whispered in his ear. He cleared his throat and forced himself to look up.

“Mom, can you give us a minute?” His eyes never left John, but he saw her nod out of the corner of his eye before disappearing back into the house. John stepped outside and closed the door, gesturing to a set of deck chairs.

“We can stand,” Dean said, his voice already tight.

“What the hell is this about, boy?” His voice was low. More like the John Winchester that Dean remembered. More like the John Winchester that had been created when Mary died. Or, really, the John that had been there all along but had been hidden in empty promises and sweet nothings.

Dean clenched his fists, still hidden inside of his pockets, and forced himself to keep eye contact with his father. He was older than him here. His dad looked the same age as Mary, carefree even as his face slipped into a scowl. The youth didn’t make him any less intimidating. Didn’t stop memories of whiskey-fueled beatings from playing over and over in Dean’s head.

“You were wrong,” he said finally. His voice shook slightly, but he didn’t care. What was John going to do now? With Mary there, with them in Heaven… his hands were tied.

John snorted and leaned back against the doorframe. “About what?”

“I’m not worthless.” There was a lump in his throat now, but it was more from anger than anything else.

“Dean, let’s leave the past in the-”

“Shut up.”

John’s eyes widened and he took a step forward. When he spoke, his voice was even lower than before, shaking with anger. “What did you say to me?”

“I don’t owe you anything. You gave me nothing. But I needed to say that. Needed you to hear it. Because I finally know that you were wrong. All those years, all that pain… you were wrong.”

“You still talk like a goddamn fairy.”

Dean felt a shiver run down his spine but he held his ground. “Ever wonder why?” he spat.

“We’ve been over this, boy. Don’t tell me you forgot while I was away.” John took another step toward him, uncrossing his arms and letting them fall loosely at his sides.

Something shifted in Dean and some of the anger dissipated, replaced by confidence. Cas’ voice was still loud in his ear, telling him who he really was. Telling him this was okay. “You raised a faggot, John Winchester. Took me a long time to come around to it, too. But,” he shrugged, watching as his father’s eyes narrowed and his hands started to curl into tight fists, “I’m good with it now. I’m good with who I am. And, truthfully, I don’t give a fuck what you think.”

He saw the fist coming and ducked before taking a step backward.

“Something I gotta do,” he called as he walked away. “Tell Mom I love her. And I’ll be back.”

His heart was pounding in his chest but he didn’t dare look back. He knew if he did, he would crumple to the ground. His legs would just give out and he would take whatever punishment John deemed necessary. So he just walked. Got behind the wheel and tore away, his throat dry and his hands shaking but his heart at peace.

He drove for a while before he came back to his senses. Before what he’d done really sunk in. He could picture John talking to Mary, the disgust in his voice obvious. He honestly didn’t know what his mom would think. But at this point he didn’t care. There was only one thing on his mind. Only one infuriating angel he could think about. And he was here. Alive. In Heaven.

His hands were tight on the wheel as he pulled over to the side of the long road. It had gone through the forest for a while, but now it was hugging a beautiful coast line, the horizon seemingly miles away, the sun glittering off the waves.

Without thinking, he got out from the car and walked down the hill to the beach. He chose a rock on the edge of the sand to sit on, not wanting to venture further toward the ocean.

Then he closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. This was the easy part. He could do this.

“Cas,” he breathed into the empty air. Then he stopped. That was it. That was all he could say. Because he hadn’t said that name since- since Cas was taken. He hadn’t said that name since the angel had been standing in front of him, tear-streaked face filled with an expression of joy Dean had never seen before.

He tried to force more words out. But they just got caught in his throat, choking him until tears were filling his eyes and his breaths came in gasps.

Then, through his sobs, a familiar fluttering of wings rustled the air.

“Hello, Dean.”

All of his thoughts stopped. His mind was completely empty as he leapt from the rock facing the sea and whirled around to find Cas standing there, his expression blank.

Dean barely had time to take him in before he was crashing into him, his arms wrapping around the angel and holding him tightly to his chest. After a second, he remembered to breathe, and he took in Cas’ familiar scent that was now surrounding him.

“Dean,” Cas started as his arms came up from where they had been stiffly held at his sides to return the hug.

“Nope,” Dean said, his voice coming back. “You don’t get to talk.”

Reluctantly, he untangled himself from Cas’ arms, and looked into his eyes. He kept his hands on Cas’ shoulders, though, the touch grounding him.

There was fear in those blue eyes, but maybe hope too. Just a sliver of it.

Dean took another deep breath before letting the smile he had been holding back slip onto his face.

He shook his head, suddenly unable to stop the laughter bubbling in his stomach. “You asshole.”

Cas tilted his head and Dean’s laughter redoubled. He had thought he would be angry. Cas was alive, and he hadn’t even dropped in to let them know he was okay. But he didn’t care. Not in this moment. Because Cas was standing right in front of him. Cas was real.

The confusion on Cas’ face grew, his eyes squinting and his head tilting even further and suddenly Dean didn’t want to laugh anymore.

He surged forward, their lips meeting awkwardly as Cas stumbled backward. He held Cas tight to him, letting his hands drift upward into his hair, and finally Cas started kissing back.

When they pulled away for air, Cas’ expression was still guarded, though his defenses had started to slip away.

“I love you too, Cas.”

The rest of Cas’ walls fell down and he smiled. It wasn’t a huge smile, but it was better. It was soft, his eyes crinkled, and he looked at Dean like he was the most precious thing in the world.

There was too much to say. Too much to explain. Too many memories to relive. And they had all the time in the world. So Dean didn’t say anything at all. Instead, he slipped his hand into Cas’ and led him to the flat rock. He hopped up and patted the space next to him, waiting for Cas to get settled before he leaned onto his shoulder.

The sea air was everything he’d always imagined. Salty and fresh and calming.

The sun was hanging lower in the sky now. Like it knew they were here, watching it. Cas pulled Dean in tighter to him as they watched it slip lower down, colors exploding across the horizon.

The waves beat against the shore steadily and a breeze blew along with them, rustling Dean’s hair against Cas’ chin. They didn’t say anything that night. Just watched as the sunset faded into stars hanging over a sea of black.

They finally had what they’d never had on Earth. Time. And they were going to use every last second of it.

tag list below (ask to be added or removed) also when i was gone a lot of you changed your urls and idk what they are now so if you wanna drop me an ask w your new url feel free

 @menjiiii @starlightcastiel @chaoticdean @larryforeveralways @dreamnovak @heller-jensen @tlakhtwritesdestiel @wanderingcas @prayedtoyou @good-things-do-happen-dean @jayus-fandom-writer @dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you @starrynightdeancas @radiantdean @piemaker-from-gallifrey @on-a-bender @eshaninjer @trasherasswood @dreadful-delight @feraladoration @trenchcas @contemplativepancakes @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @thefourthheadofcerberus @seffersonjtarship @randomblabbling @craftywitchywoman @adsp-destielcockles @tehmanda @castielscrookedtrenchcoat @queen-rowenas @expectingtofly @that-one-fandom-chick @quicksilver-ships @destielle @charmedbycastiel @cursed-or-not @faithcastiel @internetintroverts @sloth-with-y-yo-a-ti-cas

[strawberrysoup]

Pocketful of Posies || Chapter 1

You’d been hiding for years and years now; from your family, from society, from alphas and packs. Suppressants were dangerous but effective and necessary for an omega who refused to be owned—but no suppressants were strong enough to fool the nose of a super soldier, who together with his pack would stop at nothing to bind you to them forever. 

pairings: dark!Avengers x reader word length: 3.3k chapters: 1/? warnings: A/B/O dynamics, power imbalances, noncon and dubcon sexual situations, loss of autonomy, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat — this is a dark!fic, read at your own risk. Open the read more and CTRL + F, search “content warnings” to skip to detailed trigger warnings at the bottom of the chapter.

Cleaning rich people’s vacation homes hadn’t been your dream job growing up. You had such high hopes when you were a kid, well into your teens, of becoming a zoologist. It had started off like most kid’s dreams—in kindergarten you wanted to be a veterinarian. That grew into wanting to become a herpetologist, but then you wondered, why limit yourself? As a zoologist you could be around tons and tons of animals, studying their behaviors and ecological impacts. It was about half way past your fourteenth birthday that you realized none of your dreams mattered.

You woke in the middle of the night to a crippling pain in your stomach, an unbearable heat boiling under your flesh. You must’ve been screaming, because your parents burst in frantically—only to stop dead upon stepping past the threshold. At the time you had no idea why, but it had been shock. Omegas were rare nowadays, more and more betas were being born while the number of omegas dropped. It was a point on contention; betas could breed with alphas, rendering the omega almost obsolete but alphas, especially ones with packs, wanted omegas.

Personally, you figured that evolution had decided to take things into its’ own hands. Everything about omegas spat in the face of adaption; they were small and delicate, hardwired to obey alpha commands even to their own detriment, experienced a full weeks’ worth of being completely and utterly incapable of survival on their own—

Well, unless one acquired (through whatever means necessary) methods to prevent it that one. Heats, a homegrown threat guaranteed to commit acts of violence at least twice a year. By the time your first had worn off, your parents had already jumped into action. They had three different packs bidding on you. Your mother had been bubbling with glee, talking about how wonderful it was that she had produced an omega when she herself was a beta. Your very existence was about to rocket them into both fame and fortune. So, you ran away. That same night.

It had been shockingly easy to locate illegal suppressants. They taught all about them in school, how they were horrible and taxing on an omega’s physiology. Suppressants masked an omega’s scent, prevented their heats, and (in your opinion) were the best invention of the twenty first century. You couldn’t have given a flying fuck about what negative impacts they might’ve had on your body—death would be a reprieve. Unfortunately you’d yet to have any of the widely touted negative effects (effects that you were pretty sure were made up to keep omegas afraid and compliant) and so you found yourself cleaning rich people’s vacation homes just over the Canadian border.

You’d been living out of your car since you first bought it at sixteen, for five hundred dollars. You gave a creepy beta a blowjob to get your license forged. It was the best investment you’d ever made (not that you had the opportunity to make many) and the clunker was still getting you from point A to point B and that’s all you needed. You had to move constantly, staying in one place too long meant people started to notice you, especially in the small towns you frequented in Ontario. But there was so much forest surrounding you that every once in a while you could just drop off the face of the earth, camping so deep in the woods no one would stumble across you. It made staying anonymous so much easier.

That was actually the current plan, after you finished cleaning this last massive cabin; to abscond into the woods for a while, until you’ve faded from everyone’s memory. You won’t return to this town for at least a year. You’ll spark recognition when you return, but not enough for anyone to consider you more than an outsider in their close-knit community. The kind woman who lets you work for her cleaning company so sporadically will remember you when you ring her, the only person particularly thrilled to hear you’re back for a few months.

You do an excellent job and you do it fast— you can thoroughly and perfectly clean a 6 bedroom mansion by yourself in less than 10 hours and you were paid under the table so you didn’t require overtime, which Mrs. Hunt loved (there was no tax to be taken from an unreported cash payment though, so it was a fair trade in your opinion). You would work yourself to the bone, 10 hours a day everyday there was work available for at least three months and then dip without any expectations until the next time you returned, when she was gushing over the amazing reviews your work had gotten the last time you were around.

It was symbiotic existence—you were paid well for your efforts, more than enough to sustain living out of your car for months at a time, and your performance drove her online reviews into the 4.9 stars range and made it feasible for her to raise her prices. Mrs. Hunt didn’t ask any questions either, even when you requested to only work alone and couldn’t provide any identification beyond a driver’s license.

You were finishing up the kitchen in what was definitely one of the nicest places you’d ever cleaned when your phone went off in your back pocket. It made your skin prickle. Very few people had your number and you couldn’t think of a single reason they’d ring you instead of texting unless something was wrong.  You propped the mop against your shoulder and dug out the phone, frowning at Mrs. Hunt’s name on the screen.

“Hello?”

“Oh sweetie, I’m so glad I got a hold of you! How are you doing?”

“I’m well, Mrs. Hunt,” you answered, your voice coming out semi-robotically as you strained not to sound panicked while continuing the conversation like a normal fucking person, “I’m just about done here, I was finishing the dry mop in the kitchen when you called and then all I need to do is pack up.”

“Oh perfect! I was calling because the owner just rang me, apparently some of his packmates will be arriving a bit earlier than anticipated—potentially within the next hour. Something about someone getting caught up at work, I’ll spare you the details. But if you’re almost done then you’ll probably be gone by the time they arrive.”

“Certainly Mrs. Hunt,” you’d immediately started frantically dry mopping the moment the words ‘within the next hour’ escaped the woman’s mouth, phone clamped between your ear and shoulder. “I’ll be gone in the next few minutes.”

“Now even if you aren’t its okay,” the concern in her voice meant that your own had betrayed you, waivered when you responded without your knowledge. “I always warn the owners that if they arrive before the scheduled time that there’s a possibility the house won’t be done and/or there might be people actively working in the house. You won’t get in any trouble, okay?”

“R-Right, thank you ma’am,” you swallowed heavily, finishing the last swipe across the tile in the kitchen and hustling back into the foyer. “I really won’t be but a minute though. I always keep all of my equipment put away and together if I’m not using it, so I really just need to pack up the mop.”

Which you’d already shoved into the rolling cart you picked up each morning that held all of your cleaning supplies provided by the company.

“Don’t forget your bucket too!” Mrs. Hunt sounded smiley again, “I’ll leave the key under the mat so you can stow your cart tonight. Have a good one swee—.”

“You too!” You might’ve hung up a touch too soon to be considered polite, shoving the phone back into your pocket and running into the kitchen. There was no time to dwell on manners. 

The mop bucket was sitting on the counter, already washed and dried and waiting to be put away. You’d started keeping your things completely put away at all times the same day you’d been accosted by a homeowner who arrived home earlier than expected while you were still trying to pack up. You’d tried to put your notice in that night, a couple of years ago now, but Mrs. Hunt begged you not to—promised it would never happen again. This must’ve been her best attempt at preventing it. At least you had already planned to leave town tonight anyway.

You nearly sprinted back to the cart, haphazardly tossing the stupid bucket on top and wheeling it towards the huge front doors. You’d just stopped to reach around and grab the handle when the knob turned and the left door was pushed open, nearly hitting your cart.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” he was a beta, curly haired and dark eyed with pale skin, wearing a pair of glasses on the bridge of his nose. “Did I knock anything over?”

“N-No, sir,” you pulled the cart back a few steps, nearly trembling with the effort it took not to blast right past him, especially when you noticed him carefully scenting the air. "The house is all clean, I was j-just leaving.”

“Thank you, for getting everything clean for us. We don’t get to come out here as often as we like, I’m sure the place collected a lot of dust in our absence,” he smiled, looking both parts shy and calculating to your well trained eye— and you had no time for such consideration.

“Not too much, h-have a nice night!” You could feel your pulse racing and that was bad. Even the good suppressants, the ones that most of your money went to, had difficulty completely masking the scent of panicking omega.

“Did you use bleach?” The question caught you off guard and you almost jumped when he put a hand on your cart, glancing through the array of chemicals.

“Y-Yes, in the bathrooms. I wasn’t informed of any sensitivities—”

“Nothing a little fresh air won’t take care of,” you wanted him to stop looking at you like that, like there was some pale flash of recognition behind his eyes. “Would you go open the windows in the bathrooms upstairs? I’m afraid my nose is pretty sensitive, several of my packmates are similar.”

You did not like that his nose was especially sensitive and you hated that his packmates were similarly afflicted. It felt like getting punched in the face with a fight or flight instinct, your brain immediately demanded that you leave the cart and run past him—fuck the cart, fuck the job, you could find something else.

“Oh, and do you have the key to the front doors? I might as well get them from you now instead of us having to go down to the office tomorrow.” Your hand immediately dove into your pocket, yanking out the single key and dropping it in his palm. “Thanks— and the windows? Sorry, I just can’t go up there until it’s aired out.”

He wasn’t a huge man but the way he filled the doorway made you second guess trying to run past him, even if he was greying at the temples and looking a little rumpled. It was strange, you wouldn’t usually have such an intense reaction to a beta, but something about him was vaguely unsettling. So instead of trying to make a run for it, you turned on your heel and forced yourself to calmly walk up the stairs. There were four massive bedrooms in the cabin, each with its own bathroom and you’d need to go through and open the windows for the three bathrooms that had them. It meant darting into huge bedrooms, dodging expensive furniture and knickknacks and trying not to dirty the freshly mopped and swept hardwood floors in the process.

It took about five minutes but you felt like you’d run a marathon, your heart was pounding and there was sweat at the nape of your neck. All you wanted was out of the stupid fucking house, immediately. You dashed down the stairs and turned the corner, seeing your cart right where you left it. The door was still open too, but the beta was no where to be seen. You immediately darted forward, grabbing the cart tightly and beginning to push it past the threshold—

You were stopped in your tracks at the sight of two unnecessarily broad alphas. Both were tall, the white man standing just an inch or so taller, with a full beard and blond hair. The black alpha had facial hair too, a cleanly edged goatee to match a faded cut. Both were incredibly attractive and putting off waves of pheromones, to the point that your head floated for a moment.  Your lips clamped shut on a whine, instinct trying to push through and alert the two powerful alphas of your presence. Instead you ducked your head and continued out the door.

“Hi there, sweetheart.” Your gaze snapped up, immediately locking with a pair of dark brown eyes. “You the housekeeper?”

“Yes sir,” you answered quietly, stopping short in front of them when neither moved out of your way. “Sorry to have been here so late. Have a good evening.”

Both were still smiling, still pointedly not moving.

“My name’s Steve, that’s Sam,” the blond’s nose twitched, just slightly, and you realized he was very discretely scenting the air. “Nice to meet you. Do you live in town?”

“N-No, please excuse me,” you nudged the cart forward just an inch but they still didn’t budge and panic began coursing through your blood with renewed vigor, “excuse m—”

“Your scent is… confusing,” Steve’s head tilted to the side, “I don’t mean to be crass, of course, but I couldn’t help but notice.”

“It’s always been this way,” the response was automatic and your brain began shutting down all unnecessary functions; you were about to have to run and hope your omega physiology would make you faster than them.

“You smell almost like an omega,” he continued, both hands coming to rest on his hips, emphasizing the width of his shoulders. “But not quite?”

“I’m a beta.”

“Are you sweetheart?” Sam’s voice was a rumble, his head tilted to the side while his dark eyes burned holes into your skin.

The tone an alpha used with naughty omegas was deliberate and tightly controlled, the same as a command or a purr or a growl. It was on purpose, an attempt to nicely draw out the correct response. He wanted you to admit you were an omega, to tell them the truth of your own volition. The fact that your hindbrain desperately wanted to comply was a completely different issue—one you didn’t have time to address right now.

“Positive,” you breathed, clenching your fists tightly around the handles of the cart for just a second before deciding to leave it behind; you’d never be coming back here, there was no reason to worry about preserving your job.

Your eyes were quick and indefinitely perceptive. Being an omega was one step up from being a prey species, it came with inherent instincts that made you especially good at predicting behaviors. After all, an omega was only as good as their ability to please and soothe packmates. One of the single upsides to being an omega was that you were fast though—fast enough to outrun most alphas. And you only needed to go about a hundred and fifty feet, once you were in your car you could certainly get away. So the second you realized the pair was about to shift, moving to face each other more than you, you darted around the cart and dodged to the left.

It wasn’t your fault, honestly. There was no way you could’ve known you weren’t dealing with normal alphas. The blond was so fast that he almost moved between blinks—one moment he was still, the next he’d wrapped his arms around you and tugged you back into his chest. His arms were like steel, one wrapped around your torso to keep your arms pinned to your sides while the other carefully held your chin. Your hindbrain was screaming now, submit, submit, make alpha happy and you bit down on your tongue to hold in the whimpers, the omega sounds your throat was trying to produce.

“Shhh, shh, calm down,” it was half a tone away from being a purr and you continued to squirm while you still could—an alpha command was coming, you could feel it in your bones.

“Let Steve smell you,” Sam was rumbling instead of talking again, a similar half purr to how Steve had started speaking. "Everything’s okay, omega.”

You felt a nose nudge down your neck, towards your scent gland and you bared your teeth at the man in front of you. “I’m not an omega!”

“You smell like omega,” Steve’s breath ghosted over your skin and you fought a shiver. "Sort of. It’s buried, under… beta… sour beta?”

“What sort of suppressants are you on, sweetie?” You startled as the beta from earlier emerged from the house, wiping his hands on a dish towel absently. "Are you cutting them with anything? Heroin, or coke? It’s okay, you just need to tell me.”

“Tell Bruce sweetheart,” Sam coaxed, automatically moving to roll up the sleeves of your shirt, evidently looking for track marks. "Where do you get them?”

“I’m not on suppressants!” Your voice was almost a shriek at this point, desperately imitating the behavior of an angry beta rather than a terrified omega. “I’m a beta! Get off of me!”

“Okay, okay, here then,” Steve’s arm around your torso tightened, the one on your chin beginning to work its way down towards your jeans. "There’s only way one to tell for sure.”

Shock and fear and humiliation; an array of emotions swarmed through your body as his hand popped the button but those were the three you could identify and you immediately started thrashing your legs—he was going to check if you had an omega ridge and then everything would be over. It was a defining physical characteristic that couldn’t be passed off as anything other than what it was: a boney protrusion meant to catch on an alpha’s knot so they could be locked in place. In females it was found in the vagina, prominently featured directly before the g-spot so a knot would cause persisting pleasure. For males it was similarly positioned next to the prostate.

“Calm down, calm down!” Sam crooned, hands coming up to cup your face as while Steve’s slithered down the front of your jeans and into your panties. "It’s okay sweetheart, no matter what. Whatever Steve finds, you’re okay. You’re safe. We’ll keep you safe.”

The thrashing was doing nothing but tiring you out, you’d already been intensively cleaning for the past 9 hours without a break and it certainly wasn’t dissuading the hand slithering between your folds. You bit down on your tongue harder, until you drew blood to prevent the whimpers—you couldn’t make that stupid sound, you’d never make that stupid, pathetic, whiney noise, you couldn’t. Not even when a long, thick finger penetrated and sunk knuckle deep. Not even when the pad of said finger brushed your g-spot before hooking onto the ridge, tugging gently in a way that would’ve caused blinding pleasure had you not grounded yourself with the pain of biting your tongue.

“There it is,” Steve’s voice was soft, finger carefully running the length of the ridge. "A nice deep one too.”

“How long have you been taking suppressants?” Bruce prodded quietly, coming to stand next to Sam. “I need to know what sort of damage we’re looking at.”

When you didn’t respond Sam sighed, fingers brushing gently over your chin as he directed you to face him. "Please don’t make us use an alpha command, sweetheart. We just wanna take care of you. Tell Bruce how long you’ve been on suppressants, please.”

You regarded the handsome alpha for several short moments before spitting a mouthful of blood directly into his face.

 content warnings: assault, noncon vaginal fingering

edited 7/9/21 - still on hiatus

[totallyexhausted]

What I Deserve...

Yurio leaned against the brick wall behind him, pressing his spine against the harsh cement as rain continued to drip down is face, soaking into his already wet clothes. He shivered, wiping his nose with the back of his hand as he closed his eyes, swallowing thickly as tears formed in his eyes, as the air around him became hot and heavy, hard to breathe. He smacked his head against the brick behind him, sliding against the rough brick as it scrapped against his back until he was sitting on the cold ground, and he opened his tired eyes, looking up at the stars that littered the night sky. He didn’t want to be alone… but he didn’t want to go to Viktor’s apartment yet… he wasn’t ready. He felt like shit. But whether that was from his mom’s phone call, her leaving a day prior, or the nausea coursing through his stomach, the 15-year-old wasn’t sure.

           Rain beat against his face harshly, mixing with the saltwater washing down his pale cheeks, and the teenager took a deep breath as his mother’s words echoed in his head. They don’t love you, honey… and if your grandfather was trying to keep you from me, then maybe he deserved what he got….

           Yurio flinched again, choking on the sob he refused to push past his lips. He was drowning, and the past few days spent with his mother hadn’t help anything… it had made things worse. He needed someone right now. He needed anyone… he needed to stop being so damn weak… he was weak. The Russian punk glanced down at the blue and green surrounding his ankle, grimacing as the slightly swollen flesh throbbed as he pressed against the bruise. He shivered again as the cold water fell from his chin, collecting in a puddle in his lap.

           He pulled his phone from his pocket with shaking fingers, letting his thumb hover over Otabek’s number, knowing he had already tried calling the older boy twice. You’re just being annoying… they don’t really love you, honey. Yurio shook his head softly, biting his lip, wondering if he would have the strength to call Yuuri… wondering what would happen if he did. The phone buzzed in his hand as his mother’s name flashed across the screen. Yurio cringed, shoving the phone in his pocket harshly, not really caring if the already broken glass cracked more. She had called earlier in the evening, when the teenager had found enough energy to pry himself from the bathroom floor… to explain. To explain her absence. Medicine- she had told him. She was grabbing medicine. But the money Yurio had offered earlier was gone… and so were most of her things.

           Lights flashed across him briefly as a car drove past, splashing water in Yurio’s direction as the teenager pushed himself off the dirty sidewalk. He leaned against the wall, pulling his wet jacket closer to him as thunder boomed overhead, and lightning struck a street sign a few feet away. He sucked in a shaky breath as he pushed himself away from the wall, shoving his trembling hands in his pockets as he started walking towards Viktor and Yuuri’s apartment.

           They were going to ask. Fuck, they’d probably freak… after Yurio’s fight with them. The teenager stumbled slightly before catching himself against the wall and stopping momentarily. Would they even want to see him? Shit… Shit.

           Yurio had been with them only about a month before his mom showed up, begging to be apart of her son’s life again. Things had happened… horrible things over the past few months that felt crushing. Numbing. His grandfather had passed. His mother showed up. She came to one of his performances, and the teenager had fucked up so badly that he ended up having a panic attack in the locker room… and it’d been a few weeks after that that the teenager finally agreed to meet with her. A month later, he agreed to stay with her for a while, while she got back on her feet- and that had made things difficult between Viktor, Yuuri, and him. He’d gotten into an argument. He had said some things he couldn’t take back… and he hadn’t really talked to them since.

           But he had nowhere else to go. He couldn’t stay in that house. In his grandfather’s house. Too many memories etched between familiar fabric and musty walls. With his mom, he could ignore it. But by himself… he couldn’t. He just couldn’t be there. And his mom. The 15-year-old knew it was stupid; it was so fucking stupid, but he believed she’d changed. That she really wanted him back… and he told himself not to fall for it, not this time around but she was his mom. And he was fucking stupid. So fucking stupid.

           His phone vibrated again, and the teenager pushed himself away from the wall again, kicking some water towards the road as he glanced towards Viktor’s apartment. Despite it being late, Yurio knew the two older skaters wouldn’t be home just yet. They practiced late for more privacy, and the thought of them wanting more privacy was nauseating to say the least… or maybe it was the thought of trying to explain his appearance after a month of avoiding them.

           Yurio swallowed harshly as he entered the building and trudged up the 13 flights of stairs. Normally, he’d just take the elevator, especially since he felt like shit… but he was nervous, and running through explanations, trying to find a quick excuse. To find an apologize, something, anything that didn’t require a lot of effort because the teenager had been up for a while, not to mention he’d been sick earlier. Something he would rather avoid the Geezer and Pork Cutlet finding out. He didn’t need the drama. And he definitely didn’t want their concern. They can’t love you the way I do, honey. You’re an inconvenience to them… nothing more than a publicity stunt.

           The 15-year-old is standing in front of their door before he realizes Viktor and Yuuri might tell him to leave. They might reject him… kick him out, tell him he wasn’t welcome anymore. The teenager grasped the key in his jacket pocket as he bit his bottom lip, staring at the numbers posted to the door in bright gold. 1326. The apartment he’d memorized… the place he’d lived and had become comfortable in. But he hadn’t stepped foot in their apartment since his mom. And they hadn’t tried calling him. Because he’d been stupid and mean. The Russian Punk was mean… And he had said things he regretted the moment they left his mouth. Yurio had fucked up… and he didn’t deserve Viktor or Katsudon.

He deserved his mother, and his dead grandfather. They were his family; the ones who were supposed to be his family. And in the end, they’d left… his grandfather unable to trust the teenager enough to ask for help, and his mother not caring enough to stay when the 15-year-old needed her most. He’d been let down by the people he loved, and he deserved it. He didn’t deserve to be back here. The Russian Punk wasn’t good enough for that. And he’d never be.

A soft meow echoed through the wooden door, followed by a light scratch, and a small smile broke across the teenager’s face. Potya. Yuuri had agreed to watch him for the teenager since his mom was allergic. And since the fight, the 15-year-old had been too afraid to come back to visit her. Another meow trailed through the door, and Yurio glanced down to see a shadow moving on the other side of the door before a furry paw was shoved under the door.

The teenager laughed softly, shoving his key in the door and shivering as he pushed the heavy door open. He sighed loudly as silence met his ears, and Potya pounced at his shoes, clawing at the laces as the teenager bent down to pet him. Makkachin raised her head from the bed in the living room, wagging her tail quickly as it smacked against the bookshelf before rising and coming to greet the teenager.

Yurio bit the bottom of his chapped lips as he pet her head, scratching between the dog’s ears as she licked his warm cheek. Potya meowed as he rubbed against the teenager’s legs before the 15-year-old picked him up, cuddling the fluffy cat against his face as he walked towards the couch. After a few moments, Potya squirmed, jumping from the teenager’s grasp as Yurio collapsed against the couch.

He glanced around the small dark room slowly. The lights from the city bled through the sheer curtains, and the teenager let out a sigh of relief as he realized nothing had changed. Everything looked the same. Exactly where it’d been a month prior. Everything smelled the same. Felt the same… but he was alone right now. In an hour, when the two skaters came home, things might not feel the same. They might not be. But Yurio didn’t have anywhere else to go, and he didn’t know how to fix what he had already broken.

The 15-year-old swallowed thickly as he leaned his head against the couch, pressing a hand against his stomach as nausea ate at him. He was nervous. And shivering… and cold. The teenager cursed as he realized his clothes were still wet from the rain, that he was still wet from the rain. He groaned as he tried to find the energy to force himself up and change, but his head was beginning to hurt again, and the teenager was pretty sure the handful of Tylenol he’d choked done earlier was beginning to wear off.

His phone vibrated against, and Yurio shivered as he pulled the moist device from his pocket. His mother’s name flashed across the screen again before going black. The 15-year-old pressed the home button, wincing as he realized he had 28 missed calls all from her… and 30 unread messages. He inhaled slowly as he flipped through the messages, wiping at the tears forming in his eyes as he browsed through the texts. I’m sorry, honey. I’ll be back later… those two bastards don’t love you like I do! They will never love you like a mother can! Just like your pathetic grandfather couldn’t love you like a mother could! Like I do! Pick up. Yuri, pick up! You’re just like your father…

Worthless. His phone smacked against the wall before the 15-year-old realized he’d thrown it. He gasped softly, watching the device crash to the ground, the screen cracking further as a small corner of the glass shot off. Potya ran from the room, and Makkachin raised her head from her bed as the teenager continued to stare at the device. Despite it cracking, the screen was still going off every few minutes, the bright screen flashing green as his mother’s face filled the window.

The A/C kicked on and rain continued to patter against the balcony outside as the teenager leaned further back against the couch, clenching his hands, his fingernails digging into the already visible cuts in his palms. Silence evaded the room again except for the soft snoring from Makkachin and pinging from his phone as another notification was pushed through. Yurio sighed loudly, closing his eyes as his headache pushed itself down his neck.

 ……………………………………………………………………………………

 Something felt off the moment Viktor stepped through his apartment door. The hair standing up on the back of his neck as he scanned through the dimly lit living area, glancing towards Makkachin rising from her bed, Potya sitting on the counter gracefully, his senses on guard as he glanced back towards Yuuri, placing Chinese takeaway on the counter slowly.

The older man bent down, rubbing Makkachin’s neck gently before she pushed past him, towards Yuuri. Viktor stood offended, a shocked look crossing his face as he turned towards Yuuri, and the Japanese man stuck his tongue out towards him as the dog circled him happily. Viktor scoffed, “At least Potya loves me.”

He reached towards the cat, petting him briefly behind the ear before the cat jumped from the counter, running from the room. Yuuri clicked his tongue before laughing loudly as Viktor put a hand over his heart. He sighed loudly as he took his coat off, slipping his shoes off slowly and began pulling the Chinese from the bag as Yuuri grabbed some plates.

“What are you staring at?” Yuuri asked as he set the plates down on the counter, an eyebrow raised towards Viktor as the older man watched him, leaning against the counter. Viktor shook his head, smirking as he ran a hand through his silver hair. He liked evenings like this. Him and Yuuri. Chinese takeaway. Rain… everything. Everything, every evening like this made Viktor love him more, made his past okay, made his life without his parents or his little sister okay. Evenings like this made Viktor feel okay, whole… and he’d never trade this for anything.

Yuuri pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose as he repeated the question, and the older skater reached over the counter, pushing some of Yuuri’s black hair behind his ear. The Japanese skater blushed, and Viktor laughed softly, “I’m just so happy to have met you. So lucky.”

Yuuri glanced down, smirking slightly as red flushed across his face. Despite being married for a year, Viktor still had the capability to make him feel like some lovesick teenager. He could still make him blush. It was almost embarrassing. Yuuri looked back up, shoving the plates to the side softly as he climbed on the counter, sitting on the edge where Viktor was standing. The older skater raised an eyebrow as Yuuri took his glasses off, running his fingers through his hair slowly.

Potya brushed against Viktor’s legs as the older man pulled Yuuri closer to him, surprised momentarily when the younger man pressed his lips against his, running his fingers under his shirt. Viktor forced Yuuri closer, shoving his hands under his wet jacket as he rammed it off quickly, Yuuri’s fingers pulling Viktor’s shirt over his head. Viktor gripped against Yuuri’s jeans, kissing against the younger man’s neck as he exhaled slowly as Yuuri pulled Viktor’s face back towards him, letting the Russian slip his shirt off frantically before Viktor pulled Yuuri from the counter.

They stumbled slightly, crashing against the table laughing, slamming against the bookshelf in the living room as Yuuri fumbled with Viktor’s belt, Viktor pressing his lips along the younger man’s collarbone, breathing heavily. He felt Yuuri slide his belt off, slinging it across the room as Viktor pulled him up again; Yuuri biting against Viktor’s neck gently as Makkachin whined, and the older glanced towards the couch.

“Fuck!” Viktor blurted, dropping Yuuri as his eyes connected with the small teenager sprawled across his couch. Yuuri scrambled up quickly, confusion crossing his face as he reached for the light, flicking it on before following his husband’s gaze, cursing softly. The Japanese skater fumbled, pulling his shirt from the floor before tossing Viktor’s towards him, hitting the older man in the face. Viktor grasped his shirt, shoving it inside-out over his head as he took a step forward.

His foot collided with something hard, and Viktor glanced down, his eyebrows drawing together slowly as he reached for Yurio’s phone. He inspected the cracked screen, missing edges, the dented side, harboring a small amount of white paint from impact; he pressed the on button only to find the phone dead or broken, maybe both. Yuuri shoved his glasses back on his face as he bit nervously at his thumbnail, “What’s he doing here, Vitya?”

Viktor glanced towards him before kneeling next to the slumbering teen. Anger washed through him momentarily, and Viktor’s hand hovered over the 15-year-old’s jacket before he shook his head and lowered his hand. The older Russian let out a long sigh, looking over the teenager’s complexion.

They hadn’t seen Yurio in a month. No phone calls. No texts. No visits. Nothing. He and Yuuri had stopped by Yurio’s grandfather’s house about a week after the teen left, only to find the kid’s mother, telling them to get lost. Yurio didn’t want to see them. Ever. According to her. And despite his judgement, Viktor was willing to oblige if it was easier for the 15-year-old. Besides it wasn’t like the kid answered his phone calls or texts anyway. But now? Why was he here now?

The older man sat there for a few minutes, thinking. Makkachin whined against, nudging Viktor’s shoulder before sniffing the teenager’s right arm, dangling off the couch. A chill washed over the older Russian as the hair on the back of his neck stood up slowly. Yurio looked like shit. He was pale, his lips chapped, a small cut across his cheek as a soft pink stood against his complexion. The older man reached for the teenager’s outstretched palm, seeing bloody indents from his nails forced through skin. The kid had had a panic attack at some point. Self-destructive, Nikolai had told him. Yurio didn’t know how to deal with his emotions, and he relied on self-destruction, self-infliction as an outlet.

“Viktor,” Yuuri said softly, and Viktor let go of the teenager’s hand, glancing towards Yuuri, who was kneeling near the kid’s feet. He’d slipped the younger’s socks off before his fingers ghosted over the swollen and bruised flesh on the kid’s left ankle. The older man rose slowly, gently prodding the black and green flesh, his lips forming a thin tight line as he set the 15-year-old’s ankle back down softly. He glanced towards the kid’s face as Yuuri picked at some of the skin on his thumbnail before whispering, “He’s seriously out.”

Viktor hummed in response, pressing his back against the coffee table as he leaned back, anger washed through him. Yuuri was right, the kid should have woken by now- it’s not like Viktor or Yuuri had known he was here, and they weren’t exactly quiet. But he was still asleep… which meant the kid was exhausted. He hadn’t been sleeping. And he looked like he hadn’t been eating much either. His cheekbones were more prominent than a month ago, his face paler; he seemed smaller which was concerning because the kid wasn’t big to begin with.

Viktor ran a hand over his tired face, clenching the bridge of his nose as tension began to spread up his neck, through his shoulders. He turned towards Yuuri who was still tearing at the hangnail on his thumb, smiling sadly before standing as one name raged through his mind. Over and over and over. Micha. Yurio’s mom- she had lied to him. To Viktor. She said she’d make sure nothing bad would happen to the kid… but if he was here, if he had come back, something bad had obviously happened. And she was to blame. And Viktor was going to fucking kill her.

Yuuri sighed loudly as he watched the older Russian stand, pulling his phone from his pocket, flipping through his contacts before pressing the phone to his ear. He watched Viktor pace through the kitchen, running a hand through his hair before pulling the phone away, pressing call, and pressing it against his ear again. He stood there, hand on his hip as he shook his head, scoffing. He redialed as Yuuri sat down on the coffee table, running his fingers through the teenager’s hair gently.

It’d been a while since they’d seen the kid. And truth be told, Yuuri was slightly relieved to see him now…  but if Yurio was here, that meant something had happened. Something with his mom. Yuuri’s stomach clenched as he brushed his thumb over the small cut on the kid’s face before pressing his hand against his cheek, then forehead. Yurio whimpered softly as Yuuri’s hand connected with an uncomfortable warmth radiating from the teenager’s skin.

“Viktor,” Yuuri whispered, his fingers still carding through the younger’s hair as he glanced towards his husband. Viktor was still pacing, still trying to get whoever he’d called to answer. He shook his head, cursing before throwing his phone against the counter, running a hand over his face slowly. Yuuri cleared his throat again, “Viktor!”

The older Russian paused, glancing in Yuuri’s direction as the younger skater stood. Yuuri crossed his arms gently, “He has a fever.”

Viktor raised an eyebrow as he crossed through the small living room, kneeling over the teenager as Yuuri brushed past him. Viktor pressed his hand against the kid’s forehead before pushing the blonde’s bangs away from his face, cursing again. He leaned against the arm of the couch, forcing his hands against the fabric as he took a few slow breaths, closing his eyes momentarily. He should have known better; Viktor should have known better- he should have trusted his instincts. Micha was bad news, and Nikolai had warned him about her, warned him to keep Yurio from seeing her. But she was his mother. And Viktor was just glad to see the kid happy again. But Micha had played them. She had played the kid since he was here, and she wasn’t. And now Viktor and Yuuri had to pick up the pieces, fix the damage she had done to the teenager… because Viktor had been a fucking moron.

Something nudged his side, and Viktor opened his eyes slowly, turning to see Yuuri kneeling next to the teenager again. He pressed a few wet paper towels against the kid’s forehead before running his fingers through the blonde’s hair gently. Viktor watched as water dripped from the towels, rolling down the teenager’s temples, soaking into the old grey fabric of the couch. This was Viktor’s fault. He was the adult. He should have known.

The 15-year-old stirred slightly, his fingers reaching for the small compress on his forehead before Viktor’s fingers grasped his, pushing the kid’s hand back down. He leaned over the couch as Yurio blinked slowly, and Viktor gave him a soft smile, carding his fingers through the boy’s hair. Confusion crossed the teenager’s face before he choked loudly, tears welling in his eyes.

“V-Vitya,” Yurio sobbed softly as his eyes met the older Russian...

[humbughana]

second best

warnings: cursing per usual, mentions of sex (gasp), hidden feelings (ugh the angst), dick rafe (yum), bad writing (the horror)

words: 3k

enjoy lovers x

Rafe and Lola have been friends since they were born, both shoved together by their families and being the same age, it was easy for them to grow closer throughout the years. 

But there was always a line that was to never be crossed.  A mutual understanding, of sorts.

A line that hardened the girl over the years when she started to notice how attractive Rafe got or the number of girls he went through right in front of her. Or the pang in her chest when he asked her for one of her friend's numbers. There was harmless flirting between the two, no more than teasing but it was still hard for Lola. 

So she resorted to drowning herself in boys of her own choosing if only to keep her mind off of her best friend.

“Lola!” 

From where she was leaning against the stairs, she could see the entire living room crowded with teenagers. Topper always knew how to throw a good party, “Yes Top?” She sipped her drink slowly, not looking at her blonde friend who joined her.

He rolled his eyes at her, “You can’t stand here all night, Lo.” He gestured to some of her friends that danced drunkenly, “Get out there.” Lola only shook her head slightly, “Not in the mood tonight.” she muttered with a shrug. It was true - and untrue. She showed up at the house excited to let loose with her friends but she almost immediately saw Rafe with his tongue down the throat of some brunette that was on his arm all night. 

When they were in high school, Topper noticed her soft spot for Rafe, especially after he had asked one of her friends to prom and the tears in her eyes when he saw her leaving the school that day, “Lola-” he started but was cut off with a sharp look that told him to shut his big mouth up.

“I’m fine.” She shrugged and a smile grew on her lips as she saw one of the guys she hooked up with regularly and casually, and as if to say ‘see’ she sauntered over to the boy and leaned into his side, an arm immediately wrapping around her waist. Throwing a smile over her shoulder to Topper he only shook his head in disapproval at her coping mechanisms. 

Rafe and Lola would kill each other, he vouched. 

Lola spent the night perched on the boys lap, drinks placed in her hand accordingly until she unintentionally swayed to the beat of the music. The boy- Jack was his name placed a firm hand on her back to keep her steady. He was sweet, much too sweet for her and he knew about her problem with Rafe. And she knew about his broken heart that his ex-girlfriend gleefully ripped in two. They were using each other, sure, but they respected each other. 

“Coming back to my place?” His voice was warm in her ear and she nodded, too eager to leave the party. She saw Rafe climbing the stairs with the same brunette to where she knew the guest rooms were, gritting her teeth. She let Jack’s hand slide up her back to rest behind her neck, “Let’s go.” Lola mumbled, standing up eyes still on the steps. 

So she would let Jack fuck her until she couldn’t even think about the tall blonde that was crushing her heart.

~

“Fuck you,” she spat at Rafe who only grinned back at her, pleased with himself as he held the golf club with ease. They both took the game way too seriously to have a casual outing anymore and Rafe was now beating her, “Have you been practicing without me?” she demanded, ripping the club out of his hand and setting her own ball up. Lining her feet up he laughed warmly behind her, “I took Victoria here the other day.” 

Barely listening to him, she hit the ball and watched it sail in the right direction with a grin. But Rafe continued and now she was listening, “You know her, I think. I took her to Topper’s party the other day.” So that was the brunette that he was with all night, “I didn’t actually see you that night, Lo. Did you go?” 

“I was there.” She nodded as Rafe drove them to their balls much too slowly when all she wanted to do was sink into herself. There was nothing more she wanted to hear about concerning Rafe and the girl he was seeing, “You must have just been busy with Victoria.” Unable to keep the sarcastic edge out of her tone Rafe turned to look at her slightly with a frown.

“Or you must have been with that Ashford kid.” She rolled her eyes, Rafe made his opinions abundantly clear about her friend.

“Jack?”

“Who else do you hang all over when you go out?” He was serious, she noticed and let out a real laugh. Rafe only clenched his jaw, “Something funny Lo?” She nodded, “Yeah actually. You have a problem with who I hang out with?”

“Only the ones you fuck.”

 She sucked in a breath, partly shocked and angry that he would have the nerve to say that to her face. So she nodded, heart beating too fast, “I am fucking him.” She spoke slowly but unwaveringly when she saw Topper and Kelce in the distance, “Careful Rafe.” she taunted “You sound jealous.” His head snapped to meet her eyes but she only rolled hers in response. Topper waved at the duo and Lola smiled at him, “You better leave him alone, Rafe.” She would kill Rafe if he went after Jack and she wouldn’t put it past Rafe to do something stupid. 

Rafe only angrily stomped off to Kelce when the cart stopped and she rolled her eyes once more at the dramatics of him before joining Topper, “What's his deal?” Topper asked, watching his two friends stalk off.

“He’s mad at me.” she snorted and Topper asked why, “Because I’m fucking Jack Ashford.” She laughed again, finding the irony in the situation while Topper just sighed and shook his head.

“Tell him, Lola.” 

“I don’t know what you're talking about Top” She crossed her arms and stared straight ahead, “I’m leaving actually. Let him wallow with you two.” She walked back over to the golf cart she and Rafe were using, ignoring Topper’s protest and drove back to the clubhouse. 

The nerve of that boy.

~

Lola and her two friends dragged her along to one of the few bars in their area, easily using their fake ID’s to get in and quickly downing a few shots to get them in the mood.

“I’m gonna go dance,” she mumbled, taking the last shot in front of her and wincing at the taste. And that she did, Lola danced in the mass of people and laughed as she left carefree until her skin began to overheat. 

“Lola!” she heard Eve yell and she turned in the direction of her two friends, one of which was in the face of another girl she didn’t recognize. Frowning she pushed through the crowd until she stood next to Eve who stared at their friend in worry.

“Sadie,” Lola started to intervene as their words started to change into yelling, “Come on.”

The girl she didn’t know laughed maliciously, “No - that little cunt kissed my boyfriend!” To which launched Sadie into an enraged furry, trying to reach around Lola that wedged herself in between the fight.

“What happened!” Lola raised her voice, eyeing Eve who cringed to the side. Sadie only laughed, “He kissed me! You crazy bitch!”

Lola wanted to groan, that was until the angry girlfriend spat out, “Whore!” Lola turned and smacked the girl across the face before anyone could have predicted the fight. If the crowd of people didn’t already know what was happening, then they certainly did now as the two girls fell in a heap on the floor, Lola on top.

“Get her, Lo!” Sadie yelled gleefully while Eve anxiously scrolled through her contacts, knowing they were about to get kicked out of the bar, if not arrested for being underage. 

When Lola started throwing real punches and the bouncer began sifting through the dense crowd towards them she held the phone to her ear, “Rafe?” Rafe had basically grown up with Lola’s two friends as well and knew something was up at the sound of her voice, “What’s up, Eve?”

“Please come get us? Lola’s fighting some girl and-” she cut herself off, “We’re at Brothers.” Rafe cursed at the girls but hung up with the promise he’d be there soon. 

The bouncers finally intervened, one grabbed Lola around the waist, the other two were dragging Sadie and the angry girlfriend out. Eve just followed behind with red cheeks while Lola cursed the bouncers to hell and back, Sadie still yelling at the other girl. They were unceremoniously dumped on the sidewalk outside, “You cause any problems out here and we’re calling the police.” The men looked at them pointedly and Eve prayed Rafe would show up and hopefully with his friends, she didn’t know if Rafe would be enough.

“Happy now? Your boyfriend probably has his tongue down someone else's throat.” Sadie crossed her arms as she stood next to Lola who looked crazed still, “Fucking psycho,” Lola muttered, catching the attention of the girl anyways.

“What did you call me?” her nasally voice rang true as she got back into Lola’s face and she only smiled.

“A. Fucking. Psycho.” Lola spat each word harshly as the girl's face turned red, Lola couldn’t react fast enough to dodge the hand that hit her cheek harshly. Eve could have cried when a familiar boy brushed past her and grabbed Lola around the waist and dragged her flailing body away.

“Rafe!” Sadie yelled in surprise, “I’m so glad you came.” She swayed slightly and Topper grabbed her elbow so she didn’t fall, “Topper too?” The drunk girl laughed forgetting all about the fight and the other girl finally stalked away, defeated.

“Lola calm the fuck down.” Rafe grabbed her jaw when he set her down in front of him finally. She hissed in pain and he let go, surveying her bruised face in disdain, “What the hell?” Rafe nodded to his friends behind them, telling them to get the other two girls home.

“She started it.” Lola crossed her arms stubbornly, “She insulted Sadie!” Rafe shook his head, a small smile graced his face and she softened immediately, “Don’t be mad at me,” She pouted, the alcohol making her a tad more open with her feelings. Rafe only laughed quietly and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, “Let's get you home, Lo.” He walked the two of them to his car as she walked him through the fight, “I totally won too.” She finished with a victorious grin.

Rafe lifted her up into the car with a grin, “I’m sure you did, baby.”  She warmed at the pet name that easily fell into their conversation and sat with a shit eating grin as he jumped into his side of the car, “Can I stay with you?”

Rafe nodded with a smile and began driving, “Course.”

Lola turned up the radio and began to hum to the songs she knew as Rafe could only watch her with a soft smile, “C'mon, Lo” He pulled her out of the car when they arrived at his familiar home and she only groaned and closed her eyes dramatically, “Fine,” he shrugged, “You leave me no choice.” He swiftly picked her up and walked them to the front door, setting her down on unsteady legs to unlock the door. Lola happily led the way to Rafe’s bedroom and began to sift through his closet for clothes to sleep in and took off her little top, hearing a slight cough behind her. 

“What?” She turned around completely, the shirt clutched to her bare chest and a smirk on her face made him swallow harshly, “Put the shirt on, Lola.” She rolled her eyes at his seriousness and slipped the shirt on before dragging the skirt down her legs.

“You’re no fun, Rafe.” She mumbled, crawling into his bed and shifting under the covers. He only looked at her with a look she couldn’t decipher before shaking his head, “I’m going to the guest room. You can take my bed.” 

“What?” She sat up on her elbows with a confused frown, “We’ve always shared a bed.” 

Rafe rubbed his eyes in frustration, “We’re not kids anymore, Lola.”

She was utterly confused, “Rafe I slept here, with you, last week. What’s wrong with you?” Fully sitting up now she furrowed her eyebrows when he shook his head.

“It’s different now,”

“In the past four days, you mean?” 

Rafe sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “ Goodnight Lola.”

“Rafe Cameron!” She threw a pillow at his back when he turned to leave his own room and he sighed audibly again at her antics. She tried not to let it sting, wondering what changed to wedge a space in between them.

“Don’t look at me like that,” He groaned and she blinked rapidly, now on her knees on the bed.

“Like what?”

“Like I’m breaking your heart over this.” 

Lola bit down on her bottom lip, “What if you were?” She looked at him with wide eyes, glassy from the alcohol and maybe her emotions. Rafe furrowed his brows as if confused with her admission but shook his head anyways, “You don’t mean that. Go to bed, Lo.” 

“Fuck you, Rafe. I’m leaving.” She jumped off the bed, stumbling slightly and began to grab her clothes when Rafe snatched her upper arm, “Like hell you are.” But she was ready and shoved his chest until he stumbled backwards. “Tell me the truth.” Lola crossed her arms expectantly and Rafe looked equally annoyed.

So he shrugged, “I don’t want to mess things up with Victoria. I don’t want her to get the wrong idea of our relationship.” And suddenly she was a freshman in highschool again, Rafe had just started dating a girl he barely knew and she was alone. Rafe left her in the dust for a new girl because he ‘didn’t want them to get the wrong idea’. 

And everytime she waited like a lost puppy for Rafe to call or text her, telling her he broke up with whoever he was seeing. Everything could go back to normal, she always thought. Always the faithful little friend.

So the sour look on her face fell to one of loss and Rafe had the nerve to ask what was the matter, she let out a dead laugh, “I’m not doing this anymore, Rafe. I won’t” She shook her head, her mind clear as his eyes reflected the opposite.

“What are you talking about?” 

She began to grab her skirt, pulling it back up her legs, leaving his shirt on and pulling on the jacket she had, “You cannot throw me to the side when it is convenient for you. I won’t wait for you anymore. So you either find a way to balance or this is goodbye Rafe.” She clipped his shoulder on her way out the door before he turned to follow on her heels. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about!!” He was angry with her. Good, she thought. And only when she reached his front door did she turn, “You think about that. Hell, even ask Topper. But I can’t do this anymore. I’m walking home.” 

And that she did. The walk was really only five minutes as they lived on the same street and as usual her house was empty. Sitting in the empty kitchen in the dark, Lola pulled out her phone to see a few texts,

top: tell him. 

rafe: are you home?

And lastly, one that made her stall,

jack: can I come over?

~

“Morning,” she mumbled into her pillow as she felt the boy next to her shift with a groan. Jack’s hands reached out until he grabbed her waist and pulled her into him, burying his face into her neck tiredly, “morning lo.” his hands ran over her back in a comforting way that had her clinging to him, their legs tangled together. 

But neither of them were who the other truly wanted to find next to them in the mornings. 

Jack pulled away first, slowly sitting up and running a hand through his hair. He looked lost; sad even and she sat up behind him, running her hand up to his shoulder, “What happened?” she pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder as he covered his face with his hands. And there was always a reason for their visits.

“she moved on.” was all he said and Lola wrapped her arms around his waist from behinds and let them bask in the comfort for a little longer. 

But it was her turn when he turned his body to face her, “why am I here?” he looked at her pointedly and she smirked, “because I love your company.” he smiled at her but they both knew it wasn't the truth, so he laid her back down and propped himself on his elbow to look at her from the side. 

Lola sighed, looking from him to the ceiling over her, “he’s done with me.” she kept it short and sweet like he did but he still frowned, looking over her face as if to say who could possibly leave you behind? The sweetness of the boy next her here made her heart squeeze painfully, if only she could love him instead. 

He kissed her deeply when the first tear fell on her cheek and didn’t stop until her mind went blank with pleasure as he rocked into her late into the morning sun. Only when they both collapsed back onto the bed, breathing deeply, did she look at him but there were simply no words to say.

xx

*part 2

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

A Place To Call Home: Adoption Day

Summary: In the days leading up to the reader’s adoption, she starts acting out over fears of her new family not truly loving her. In the meantime, her family does their best to ease those worries and instead celebrate the reader officially joining the family...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 8,800ish

Warnings: language, angst, fluff

A/N: The reader is 17 years old during this part. This part takes place in the week leading up to the reader’s adoption. Enjoy! 

________

“What about this one?” asked Danneel from a few feet away. You rolled your eyes and you heard her huff. “I saw that young lady.”

“No you didn’t.”

“There’s a mirror,” she said, putting the dress back.

“Sorry,” you mumbled. You wandered around and took a seat on the bench, watching her walk around the store more, off in search of the perfect dress. You stared at the floor and licked your thumb, wiping a smudge off your sneakers when a pair of brown boots stepped into view.

“How’s dress shopping going?” asked Jensen. You looked up and he had two plain dress shirts, one black and one gray, tucked in his arm along with a brown and orange flannel. You shrugged and he sat down beside you. “Y/N. You’ve been grumpy all day.”

“I don’t want to wear a dress and I certainly don’t want to spend an obnoxious amount of money on it,” you said.

“Y/N. This is going to be a once in a lifetime day. It’s okay to splurge,” he said. 

“You people have no idea how little people in the real world have. You spend hundreds on a dress I wear once and that costs more than people get for food for a month.”

“Do we flaunt what we have? Do we give you kids everything you ask for? Do the little guys get every toy they want when we go to the store? No. You want to sit down and take a look at our monthly budget? I can show you how much we could do those things but we don’t,” he said.

“What about this?” asked Danneel, walking over with a pretty light blue dress. You narrowed your eyes and you saw her frown.

“Go wait in the car. We’re going home,” he said to you. 

“Jackass,” you mumbled as you stood up.

“You want to go for your first grounding? Keep it up,” he said.

“Why is it my fault that I don’t want a stupid dress?” you said. You stormed outside and waited by the car, leaning against the hot black vehicle for about five minutes before they came out with a pair of bags each. You climbed in your usual spot in the back, crossing your arms and staring out the window.

“Phone,” he said before he started the car. “Y/N, phone. Now.”

“Why?”

“You were rude to De. You can have it back tomorrow.”

You stared at him. You’d been rude before. Hell, you’d done a lot worse. You were nearly eighteen. You’d seen them both be rude. It wasn’t like they were perfect and you’d already told them at breakfast you didn’t want to go dress shopping that day.

“Y/N,” he said, clenching his jaw. You held out your phone and he snatched it, shoving it in his jacket pocket. “No TV or internet either and you owe De an apology.”

“Sorry,” you said quietly.

“That’s not an apology,” he said. 

“I’m sorry for being in a bad mood when I had to do something I told you in the first place I didn’t-”

“Be quiet,” he said. You snapped your jaw shut and turned to look out the window again. He drove home in silence and the second you were parked in the driveway, you got out and headed for the back patio. You sat up on the railing and tucked your feet up, pulling your hood up when a gust of cool wind hit you.

Ten minutes later you heard footsteps on the decking and sighed.

“It’s lunchtime,” he said.

“I’m not hungry.”

“What is with the attitude today?”

“You’re mad at me because I’m not hungry?” you asked, turning your head with a glare. You saw his chest heave but he kept his face blank.

“Make yourself something to eat when you are then,” he said before he left you alone.

“Y/N!” you heard shouted, your eyes peeling open. You sat up and the sky was dark. You must have fallen asleep down on the dock. “Y/N!”

You rolled your eyes and got to your feet, walking out from the small covered dock and over to the base of the stairs.

“What?” you called up, his head shooting down. He dropped it and shut his eyes, breathing for a moment. “I’m still not hungry.”

“What are you doing down there?”

“Sitting. What’s wrong with that?” you asked.

“Nothing is…” he trailed off. “It is nearly six. You’ve had enough outside time today.”

“So now I can’t go outside either?”

“Did I say that? No. Don’t put words in my mouth.”

You rolled your eyes and went back to the dock, dangling your feet over the edge. Heavy footsteps came down the stone steps and you gritted your teeth.

“Hey,” you heard as the board creaked behind you. “It’s getting cold out and you have on a hoodie and leggings. I don’t care if I drag you up there. You’re going inside.”

“Then drag me,” you said, glaring over your shoulder. 

“What is your problem? I’m not a fan of dress clothes either. Most people aren’t. The second we get home, you can take it off. We’ll leave the tag on the dress and return it. What is the big issue I’m not seeing.”

“Just leave me alone, Jensen.”

“Kid, you haven’t been alone since the second you stepped in that house last year. Sit out here and believe what you want but you’re not.”

“Okay. How about we try leave me the fuck alone?” you said. You stared out at the dark water and sky, clenching your fists by your sides.

“Do you not want us to adopt you anymore?” he asked after a beat. “If you don’t want us, that’s okay but please just tell us instead of this.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” you said. “Adopt me.”

“Is that what you want?” he asked. “Or what you think we want?”

You were quiet and he took a seat next to you, resting his hands in his lap. 

“Y/N, have you been trying to push my buttons on purpose today?”

You didn’t move aside from to turn your head to the left away from him.

“Tall munchkin, look at me.”

You forced yourself to look in his direction. There was that understanding look on his face. He was always understanding. You narrowed your eyes and he frowned before you pushed on his back and he fell into the water.

“Y/N!” he shouted when he popped above the surface. You got to your feet and headed for the stairs. “What the fuck was that for!”

“See ya,” you said. You were at the top of the stairs before you saw him climb up the ladder onto the decking. He wrapped his arms around himself and shivered hard. The water had to be decently cold and he slowly made his way up the steps. You were inside and grabbed some granola bars from the pantry by the time you heard the back door open.

“What happened to you?” asked De as he stared in your direction.

“I fell,” he said. “Later. I need to wash up.”

You skirted away to your room, De knocking at the door and coming inside quickly.

“You want to tell me what happened?” she asked.

“I pushed him in,” you said, taking an angry bite of the bar. She blinked and blinked some more, shaking her head. “Yes?”

“What is going on with you? You could have hurt him.”

“Hurt him? It was cold water,” you said.

“And it’s dangerous to go swimming in the river this time of year because of the current changes, especially near the docks. The rip tide goes right near the shore line,” she said.

“That’s not true. Why are you lying?”

“Because you were not teasing him and having fun when you did that. You were mean. You’ve been mean all day and I know you care about him and me and all of us. Why you’re pretending not to, I have no idea.”

“Maybe I’m tired with the charade now that I’m nearly adopted. It’s exhausting putting up a show like this all the time,” you said. 

“The only one you’re lying to is yourself. Do not leave this room,” she said. She stormed off and you lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering how far you’d go with this.

Around nine you were reading on top of your bed, swallowing when the door opened and Jensen stepped inside alone. He shut the door and you tried to ignore him but he snatched the book out of your hands and put it down on the nightstand. You stared up at him before he took a seat on the edge of the bed and leaned in close. You shrank back into the headboard, Jensen narrowing his eyes.

“I figured out what you’re up to and this is one of the most idiotic things I’ve ever seen you do. You should know by now to talk to me and De about this stuff. But I get that the adoption is a big deal. A huge deal and there’s a lot of emotions tied up with all that. So you can act like a child, you can be rude and mean and try to piss me off all you want. You don’t get it yet. Well, you actually do but you’re testing us because you’re still afraid. That’s okay. This is a big day coming up. I understand. But there is nothing you could ever do to make us not want you. You could infuriate me and I will still love you. Love is always constant. I might not like everything you do and you might not like everything I do but we are always a family. I figured out your game and I don’t want to play it anymore. I don’t like when we’re like this. I don’t want you to think that there’s any possible combination of things you could do to get us to stop loving you. I forgive you and your behavior today. Please stop though and come out and say what’s bothering you.”

He sat back and you saw his hair was still damp, green eyes full of concern. You swallowed and looked down, squeezing your eyes shut. The bed shifted some and then you felt his body heat on your left side, occupying the other side of the bed. You remembered the Brolins and felt your face start to scrunch up. They’d never got so far as adopting you but you remember their son brought it up to them once. You remembered pushing back to see how much they’d actually put up with you. All you got was a shove to the floor and a transfer to one of your worst foster homes for it.

“Let me in that head of yours,” he said softly. “I can’t read your mind on this, kiddo. It’s too different.”

“I’m so stupid,” you said, forming a fist and whacking your leg. He caught your arm and stopped you from doing it again. He took the other one too and you tried to turn your body away.

“You were scared. There is a big difference,” he said. “Do you want me to get us an emergency session?”

“No,” you said, his hands releasing you so you could wipe at your eyes. “No. I knew what I was doing. Mostly.”

“What’s the mostly part?” he asked gently. 

“Would you love me if I wasn’t good. I don’t like being bad but...if I was a bitch all the time, would you love me.”

“There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that could ever make us not love you. Even if you acted like that every day, I’d love you. Why would you do something like that though? You know we love you.”

“I know. But the adoption is next week and if you didn’t...if you didn’t love me all the way and just some...I don’t want a family that loves me just some, Jensen.”

“Where am I going wrong?” he asked, fixing your hair back behind your ear. “What can I do to make sure you know it’s always been all the way, just as much as I love your siblings and De.”

“I know that.”

“Then why-”

“Because it’s stuck in my head, Jensen,” you said, his eyes worried and confused, looking for some kind of answer on your face. “Until I get adopted...you can get rid of me. I know you wouldn’t. You know you wouldn’t. But it’s in my head and it’s gonna stay there until the papers are signed. There’s no getting it out. I’ve spent months trying. I’m sorry but I can’t fix it.”

“There’s nothing to fix,” he said. He pulled you into his lap and you turned your head away. “Kiddo.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, turning your head to his chest and burrowing into it. 

“You don’t have to be afraid, honey. If you need the paper, then we’ll get the paper. I’ll make sure you get some copies for you to keep too, okay? Whatever you need to know you’re ours, we’ll give it to you. You just gotta let us know what it is,” he said.

“I’m sorry I pushed you in the water. It was a dick move,” you said, sniffling some and getting his shirt wet.

“I told you before. I’ll take whatever you throw my way. I know this is more than just a day for you coming up. It’s a big life moment and those are scary. Normally it means change and change is scary. The only thing that changes to me is that hopefully we can get rid of that last bit of fear inside. We’ve gotten out a lot the past year. We did really good and it’s okay that there’s some left. But I really hope next Friday it’ll be gone,” he said.

“It will,” you said. He wrapped one arm around you and rubbed your back with the other as a few hiccups escaped you. “Sorry.”

“You apologized enough. It’s done with,” he said. “I just want you to be happy and safe. It’s all I want, sweetie.”

“I wish my head was normal,” you said, hiccuping again as your eyes stung with new tears.

“I love this head,” he said, kissing the top of it. “Your concerns are justified, Y/N. You’ve been hurt and betrayed before. I’ve dealt with pain and problems and life but you’ve gone through more than I have, more than everyone in this house put together. You went through all that by yourself too. Your head is only trying to protect you from more pain and that’s how everyone’s heads work, honey. It’s as normal as everyone else.”

“You never cried around your dad like I do when you were my age. You were normal. You broke rules and curfew, you didn’t worry about getting straight A’s. You were the cool popular nice guy at school and you had girlfriends and you didn’t cry with your dad on a Friday night when you should be out being a normal teenager cause you weren’t a freak.”

“I had a support system. From the time I was born, I never questioned if I was loved and taken care of. I skirted the line a bit but I knew right from wrong. I was a dumb average teenager. I was average and very well could have peaked in high school. I got phenomenally lucky. My parents weren’t happy when I told them I wanted to put off my first semester of college. My dad was livid until we came up with our deal that if I flopped, I’d come home and get a degree. I had support. I could fail and it wouldn’t be more than a bump in the road. I would be living some extraordinarily average life right now if that happened. You’re not average. You were your own parent. You get upset because the idea of failing is so ingrained in you that it’ll be devastating and there is no support system. It’s okay and it’s gonna take us years to get there but we’ll get there. The popular guy is normally peaking now and he’s gonna be the exact opposite of what you want in life. You? The smart cookies, the hard workers, the mature ones, you’re the ones that own businesses, do great things, have exciting and wonderful lives. I got lucky. You don’t need luck. You’re gonna be amazing all on your own.”

“I’m gonna be an architect and help with the brewery. How’s that amazing?” you said.

“Let’s lower that bar a little before you turn into Uncle Jared on me,” he said, kissing the top of your head again. “Think about it. You’re gonna be great at whatever you decide to do. You’ve been through worse. And when I was your age, just so you know, I did cry in front of my dad. I bawled in front of him. I was babysitting your aunt so she was about ten. I, being the dumb average teenager I was, ditched her, left her all home alone while our parents were out of town. Your uncle was in college at the time so it was just us two there. Well, while I went out with my friends, someone broke into our house and your aunt was there all by herself.”

“Did anything bad happen?”

“No, thankfully. They left as soon as they realized someone was home. She called the police and I came home around midnight to our parents there along with a few cops. I thought they were going to murder me right there. My dad said some pretty serious stuff to me. I was grounded for a month needless to say. My sister tried to make me feel better the next day but I didn’t want to, not after what he said. That night my mom took my sister out to the movies for something fun to do. I sat in my room, staring at the door with the lights off. It was winter so it was already dark out and I just couldn’t help but think how scared she’d been. I was supposed to protect her and I let her down. I let my family down. I lost it. I bawled, the hardest I’d ever cried in my entire life and of course that’s when the door opens. I was scared to look up so I put my back to the door and tried to calm down but you know as well as I do it’s easier said than done.”

“What’d grandpa say?”

“He didn’t say anything at first. He walked around the bed and sat down next to me and after a few minutes he told me I made a mistake. He hadn’t seen me cry since I was a kid so I was trying to look not so much like a mess and that wasn’t working and I was expecting him to do some kind of punishment like he would when I was a kid and he just kept looking at me and I had no idea what was going through his head. He asked me if I would make that mistake ever again and I told him no and started making all these promises and he shushed me and told me if I was never going to make that mistake again, there was no need for me to stay upset. He forgave me and I didn’t understand why. I couldn’t contemplate it. I wanted him to hate me as much as I wanted forgiveness. But he told me he’s not capable of hating me so I should take the forgiveness. So we talked a bit and I calmed down and he ungrounded me. He said I was punishing myself worse than he would have ever given me and it was up to me to decide when I was going to be done. So the next few weeks I stuck around home and eventually that friend I’d snuck over to was having a party, the same night my parents were going out. He was over after school that day and made a comment to me about leaving my sister home alone again and I lost it on him. He knew what had happened before. That fight ended our friendship. He was my best friend for years.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not. My dad overheard that fight. He was proud of me and I was proud of me. I stopped feeling guilty that day. So yes, I did cry in front of my dad at your age. I’ve cried since then too. You’re normal but you’re not average. People get those mixed up sometimes.”

You nodded and heard someone at the door, a quick glance telling you it was Danneel.

“You okay, honey?” she asked.

“Yeah. Just…” you said, biting your bottom lip.

“If Y/N is a little agitated the next few days, we’re gonna let it slide. She’s a bit nervous right now,” said Jensen. You saw her face fall and you smiled to yourself. “She wants us. Kiddo’s just a little scared we’ll give her back until we get the papers.”

“Never,” she said, taking a seat on the bed. “Anything we can do to make you feel better?”

“Not really,” you said. You shut your eyes and sighed. “I’m sorry, I know-”

“Alright,” he said. He rolled off bed and threw you over his shoulder as you yelped.

“Jensen!” you said, clinging to his back as best you could.

“You gotta stop apologizing and I know the next week is gonna be long but we are officially going to start the smother session with some homemade nachos and cookie dough ice cream while we watch trashy reality TV,” he said.

“Jensen. She needs a proper dinner,” said De as he carried you down the hall to the kitchen. He set you down on the counter and frowned at him as he went to the fridge. “Jay.”

He turned back at you and you sighed again.

“Okay. How about homemade mac and cheese instead and then you can go relax in our jetted tub with a bath bomb,” he said.

“Tub?” you asked as he went to the cupboard instead and pulled out your favorite kind of pasta.

“It’s relaxing. Even Jensen likes baths when he’s stressed. Besides, you only have a shower in your bathroom and if you don’t want us to smother that’s fine but you should self-smother...self-care...you know what I mean,” said De.

“Can I skip the tub and just have the macaroni?” you asked.

“Yes. Go do something fun while it cooks. It’s gonna be a minute,” said Jensen as he got out a pot.

“I thought I wasn’t allowed-”

“Punishment is over. We wouldn’t have needed one in the first place if you talked so hopefully the rest of the week goes better than tonight, agreed?”

“Yeah,” you said, heading back for your room. “Can you put-”

“I’ll put the crackers on top and put it in the oven when I’m done. I know that’s your favorite,” he said.

“Thanks, Jensen.”

“That’s like, nice,” said Jensen the next afternoon. You raised an eyebrow and walked past the rack, Jensen letting out a sigh. “You don’t wear dresses. This is weird for me too. Mom would be better at this.”

“Where is she again?” you asked, walking past a rack of yellow dresses.

“Some charity thing for the daycare with the kids. She’s supposed to be meeting us with the three musketeers for dinner,” he said.

“So I got stuck with you.”

“Y/N.”

“The dress you suggested would be great for me if I were taller and going to Cinderella's ball, not a courtroom.”

“Well excuse me, fashionista,” he said. “Looked like it’d fit to me.”

“Jensen,” you said. “Just...find something not too expensive.”

“Good thing we went to a boutique store then,” he mumbled under his breath. You wandered out of the petite section and over to the women’s, finding some dresses along the back wall. “Try that one on.”

“What one?” you asked. He pointed at a red one and you bit back a groan. “Why do you keep picking bright obnoxious colors?”

“I don’t know. De does,” he said with a shrug. “She wears a lot of different things, you know that. I learned long ago to just let the woman be right in these situations.”

“That was very intelligent of you to pick up on,” you said. You caught his face in the mirror and grabbed the dress. “I’ll try it on but I don’t want it.”

“Alright. I’ll keep looking,” he said. You went back to the dressing rooms and found an empty stall. You smoothed out the material after pulling it over your head and frowned. You looked so old. You were already trying to remove it when you heard a bubbly voice outside. “Can I see it?”

“No.”

“Ah, come on. Your girls trips are no fun.”

“This isn’t a girls trip.”

“We got lunch and then went shopping. We’re on a girls trip. Come on. I’m impartial,” he said.

“Over my dead body you’re impartial,” you muttered. You fixed the dress and stepped outside, flopping your hands out. “Well?”

“You look beautiful,” he said. “So grown up all of a sudden.”

“I ain’t getting it,” you said. 

“Okay,” he said. He stared and you looked around. 

“Jensen?” you asked, waving a hand in front of his face. He blinked and gave you a smile.

“S’not often that I wish you were younger. I don’t care how old you are, honestly. I just wish I could have seen the little girl side of you sometimes,” he said. 

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve felt more like a kid now than when I was at like, ten, so you’re probably doing something right.”

“Did you want to try the blue one on?” he asked.

“Sure,” you said, forcing a smile. You slipped back into the dressing room and got out of the dress, holding it over the top of the door when he came back. He took the red one and you saw something a deep navy color pop over into the stall. “I thought you were getting the blue one?”

“That is the blue one,” he said.

“It’s nearly black,” you said. You grabbed it and started to change, the fit a little more casual and looser. You cocked your head at yourself in the mirror when suddenly a scarf was landing on top of your head. “Jensen!”

“I was wrong. You are fun to shop with,” he giggled to himself. “Incoming.”

You held your arms out that time and caught a black sleek cropped jacket. 

“Jensen, it’s not for a date,” you said.

“Entertain me. I’m paying for it,” he said. You groaned and fixed the infinity scarf over your head, fixing your hair before you put your arms through the jacket sleeves and hiked it up. 

“Oh,” you said, turning to the side. A box slid under the door and you knelt down, finding a pair of short booties with not too much of a heel. You wanted the shoes regardless of how it all looked but when you kicked the box out of the way and looked in the mirror, you understood what he was doing. You stepped outside as he chuckled to himself against the wall, his mouth snapping shut when he saw you. “How’s it look?”

“You look beautiful.”

“You said that last time.”

“You seem more comfortable in that.”

“This isn’t an outfit for a courtroom,” you said.

“No. But you like it. If we can’t find the dress today, at least we got you a nice outfit for going out or a school dance or whatever,” he said. “I know what you like. I’ve learned a thing or two over the years.”

“You would wear a black t shirt or black henley every day if you could,” you said.

“This is true. Let’s get that stuff as part of your adoption present and then we can try another store,” he said. “I got just the one in mind.”

“Alright,” you said. “I want to get coffee on the way though.”

“Duh,” he said with a smile. “I bet this next place will be just the one.”

“Jensen,” you said the second you walked in the store. “This is a suit store. For men.”

“There’s literally a woman right over there,” he said, pointing to someone looking at ties. “Also the women's is in the back.”

You followed him to the back of the store, Jensen stopping at a rack of business dresses.

“What do you think?” he asked.

“More appropriate at least,” you said.

“Stay here one second,” he said. He wandered off and you walked around a bit until he came back with some sales person. “Y/N, this is Mr. Wex. He’s in charge of tailoring here.”

“Tailoring?” you asked.

“Yes. Most items in the store are available for tailoring which we always suggest for the perfect fit. Mr. Ackles said you two were looking for a dress for a big occasion?”

“I’m sorry. Jensen-” you said as the man held up a hand.

“Come with me,” he said. You raised an eyebrow and he rolled his eyes. “Just like him. I have something in the back that will be perfect.”

“It’s alright,” said Jensen. You crossed your arms and went with the man to the dressing room area. He went through another set of doors and returned with a white long sleeve dress. 

“I thought you weren’t supposed to wear white after labor day?” you asked.

“You can pull it off,” he said. “Try it on and then we’ll make adjustments. I have a feeling the sleeves are going to be a tad long.”

You sighed and took the dress, changing quickly and walking back out where there were some mirrors.

“You don’t wear that dress to your adoption and I will,” said Jensen as you turned in front of the mirror.

“The fit is very nice. Just a few minor things aside from the sleeves,” said Mr. Wex. “Do you plan on wearing heels or flats?”

“I like those boots,” you said, Jensen nodding. “Jensen, this dress has got to be like-”

“Do you like it?” he asked.

“It’s nice,” you said with a shrug.

“It has pockets,” said Mr. Wex, showing you the one by your left side. 

“Alright, I like it more,” you said. Jensen chuckled and Mr. Wex pulled out a measuring tape. 

“I think we found the one then, kiddo.”

Thursday Night

“I didn’t-” you said, Danneel fuming as she stood on the other side of the counter. “What is wrong with you!”

“You don’t steal things,” she said, hands on her hips.

“I didn’t steal shit!” you said.

“Watch your language!” she said, your brother and sisters starting to get a peaked interest in the conversation from where they played in the living room.

“For the last time, I did not take your credit card!”

“It was in my wallet right when I got home from the store and now it’s missing. I don’t think the toddlers were using it to buy stuff online.”

“I didn’t take it,” you said, narrowing your eyes.

“I know you are...there is no justification for stealing though. You-”

“I didn’t fucking take it!” you said under your breath, just in time for a very tired looking Jensen to walk in from the garage.

“Why do you two look like you’re fighting,” he mumbled. “I’m too tired for you two to be fighting.”

“Y/N-”

“De thinks I stole her credit card,” you said, crossing your arms.

“It’s missing and it was in my wallet and it’s not like the other kids would know what to do with it,” she said.

“It wouldn’t happen to be your maroon discover card, would it?” he asked.

“Yes. How do you know that?” she asked.

“No reason,” he said, bending over and picking up some papers the kids had been doing arts and crafts on. He held one up, the card lopsidelly glued to it. She shut her eyes and he ripped it off the paper. “Listen up! Butts in the kitchen!”

The kids ran over, all giggly at the sight of him home for the weekend again, home for a long week actually, and he gave them each hugs and kisses before he was frowning.

“Does anyone know what this is?” he asked, holding up the card.

“Pretty!” said Arrow. You felt yourself simmer down some as Zepp said shiny.

“And who thought to use it in their arts and crafts?” 

“Why’s it not on my paper anymore?” asked Zeppelin. 

“Where’d you get it Zepp?” asked Jensen as he squatted down.

“It was in the paper mommy gave us for college time,” he said.

“Collage,” said Jensen. “You made a collage.”

“Okay,” he said, twisting around.

“Zepp. This isn’t paper. It’s important. If you ever find it, you bring it to mommy or me or Y/N,” he said, giving De a look. She still had her eyes shut and had taken to putting a hand over part of her face. “Okay?”

“Okay. Am I in trouble?” he asked.

“No buddy,” he said.

“Come on,” you said, bending over and picking him up. “I want to go play whatever game you guys are cause it sounds like a lot of fun.”

“Y/N,” said Jensen. You were still mad and he sighed, mouthing later to you as you dived onto the couch with your brother in your arms, getting a big round of giggles out of him.

“Again?” he asked.

“Okay, again,” you said, diving back down. All three of them wanted turns after that and eventually even you couldn’t keep up with them anymore. “Who wants story time?”

Thirty minutes later you’d finished up with JJ and pulled her door shut, sighing as you saw Jensen waiting at the end of the hall. He curled a finger at you and you tried to slip past him down the stairs but he caught up quickly and blocked the path to your room.

“Jensen. She thought-”

“No she didn’t.”

“Yes, she did.”

“Last Friday you were pushing us away to see how much we love you. Think about that. Think about the fact that De has been so excited to get that dress with you and do something she enjoys with you and for weeks you’ve been mean every time it comes up.”

“What are you saying?” you asked.

“I’m saying maybe she got a little scared about how you feel about her too. She knows we’re close. You’ve been irritated with her lately and she got a little concerned.”

“She knows better than to-”

“So do you. But we didn’t get on you for doing that, did we?”

“No.”

“Forgive her. She made a mistake,” he said. He moved aside and headed back towards his room, leaving you there with a frown. “What’s wrong?”

“I miss my mom and I feel like De got so mad because I’ve been grumpy lately. As soon as you fly up to work, I just...I like having a mom again.”

“You think of De as your mom?” he asked.

“Of course,” you said. “It wasn’t like how it was with you. I was never afraid of her. Not like that at least. She was always safe. I’m sorry.”

“You’re allowed to get mad over things, honey. I was glad to see you having an all out argument. It’s healthy and normal and it’s what you do after the fight that matters,” he said.

“I know you're all tired and everything but can I talk to her?”

“You don’t need permission,” he said, waving you to follow after. You followed him down to his room, finding De sat on the bed with her head in her hands and a box of tissues beside her. “We have a visitor.”

“Damnit, Jensen,” she said, turning to the side and wiping off her face. “You could have told her to wait.”

“Nah,” he said. “Excuse me ladies. I need to wash up and then bed.”

He ducked into their bathroom and you carefully took a seat at the end of the mattress. She blew her nose and tossed the tissue in the basket by her side, using another to clean her face again.

“Y/N, I’m sorry,” she said. “I thought...I shouldn’t have…”

You crawled over and gave her a hug, feeling how tense she was.

“S’okay,” you said. “I’m not mad anymore.”

“I-”

“Even if I get mad, I always love you,” you said. You felt her ease and she moved her arms around you, resting her chin on your shoulder.

“Really?” she asked.

“Duh,” you said. 

“I love you too.”

“I know,” you said.

“I take this as a good sign?” asked Jensen. You turned your head and he was already plopping down on his side of the bed with damp hair.

“Yeah,” you said. He shut his eyes and you climbed off the bed when you heard him snoring already. “Is he really asleep?”

“He’s pretty tired. I don’t think he slept on the plane,” she said. “Too excited for tomorrow.”

“Me too,” you said. “I’ll uh, see you guys in the morning then.”

“We have to be there at one so there’s plenty of time. Sleep good, honey.”

“Yeah. I think I finally will for once.”

“So,” said Jensen as you sat on a bench outside the courthouse bouncing your leg like crazy the next day. You turned and he took a seat beside you, undoing the button on his jacket. “We should probably head up soon. It’s almost your turn in there.”

“Mhm,” you hummed, leg still going and going. You looked out at the street, watching the gray clouds roll through. He put a hand on your knee and you stopped, staring as he pulled it back.

“What’re you thinking?”

“You were never giving me back, were you.”

“Nope. You’re ours.”

“I wish I just got that. I wish...I wish I’d known I’d finally get picked,” you said, biting your bottom lip. “Nobody wanted me for so long and you guys...I don’t know how to say thank you.”

“We don’t want you to say thank you. We just want you to be part of our family. Entirely selfish of us, I know, but you have amazing bedhead and we kinda really love you. You want to go make this official?”

“Okay,” you breathed out. You stood up and went inside with him, finding the right courtroom. You slipped in the row with him near De and were quiet as you watched a little boy getting his adoption as well.

“If he can do it you can do it,” he whispered to you. You nodded and about five minutes later the judge finished up with them and was returning to her seat.

“Ackles family,” she said. Jensen nudged you and you stood, walking ahead of them as you went up to the table. You could feel your heart in your chest as they took a place on either side of you.

“You’re shaking,” he whispered, grabbing your hand. “S’alright.”

“I know,” you said, swallowing as the judge moved new papers in front of her. She looked at them for a moment before raising her head in your direction.

“That’s a beautiful dress, Y/N,” she said with a smile.

“T-thanks,” you said.

“No need to be nervous,” she said. “So. How old are you?”

“17,” you said.

“Your birthday is in a few weeks it says.”

“Yeah,” you said.

“And you’ve been in the foster care system since you were ten.”

“Yeah.”

“How many homes?”

“14.”

“You like these two?” she asked. You nodded and she smiled. “You really like ‘em?”

“I love them.”

You felt Jensen squeeze your hand and you felt yourself calm down.

“They good to you? Give you a good home?”

“Yes.”

“After 14 homes I would expect you’d know the difference,” she said with a knowing smile. “I don’t see kids your age on days like this that often. You think you got a couple of good ones?”

“They’re alright,” you said.

“Just alright?”

“They’re my parents,” you said. You felt both of them looking but you didn’t move away from looking at the judge. “They gave me my life back. They take care of me. I love them more than they’ll ever be able to comprehend. A year ago I was miserable. If they did all that in less than a year, I know I’m gonna be alright for the rest of my life with them.”

“Mom, dad, how’s that sound to your guys?” she asked.

“S’good,” said Danneel. You could hear the slight crack to her voice and you grabbed her hand.

“What about dad?”

“I’m okay with that,” he said.

“Let’s get this party on the road then, hm?”

Ten minutes later she was standing up as Jensen finished signing his name.

“Alright, Y/N. As of five seconds ago, Jensen and Danneel are no longer your foster parents and are your official and legal parents. How’s that feel?”

“I feel like I could have worn the blue dress,” you said. Jensen broke out laughing and the photographer caught it. You grinned and saw him take another as you heard some of your family members joining in.

“You did that on purpose,” he said as he settled himself.

“Obviously,” you said. The judge handed you something to hold and they situated themselves around you. A few more pictures were taken before you were heading out of the room, some girl around JJ’s age looking at a set of people with a nervous look. “It’s easier than it looks.”

She gave you a smile on your way out, waiting a moment for everyone that’d decided to come to filter out. Jensen grabbed your arm though and tugged you around a corner with Danneel and the kids, giving you a big grin.

“So, how you feel?” he asked.

“Good,” you said. “Very good.”

“Mommy, I’m hungry,” said Arrow. You laughed and she looked up at you, cocking her head. “Did you get arrested?”

“No, you sassy child,” you said. “I got adopted.”

“What’s that?” asked Zeppelin who was wandering off down the hall.

“Zepp!” shouted Danneel, chasing after him and pulling him back.

“Well it means I am no longer technically not your sister,” you said. The twins stared at you and JJ pouted.

“I thought you already did that,” she said.

“Nothing impresses these children, I swear,” said Jensen as his dad rounded the corner. “It’s an important day. Oh hey, dad. Can you get a picture before the masses try to take up all her time?”

“Sure,” he said, taking Jensen’s phone. “I got you a really good present, not to brag or anything.”

“I thought I said no presents.”

“We lied,” he said, holding up the camera. “Say cheese!”

“Well hello Ms. Ackles,” said Jensen late that night, long after people had gone home or to hotels or were sleeping on the couches around the house. You looked up from where you sat by the fire, watching the flames flicker. You were bundled down in your hoodie and a pair of sweats, Jensen carrying a small bag with him.

“You write me another letter and you do realize I’m gonna run out of tears at some point right?” you asked.

“You loved it,” he said. He kissed the top of your head and set the bag down by your feet. He sat down in the chair beside you, resting the two cans of beer from the brewery on the arm. He picked one up and held it over to you. “Come on. I won’t tell if you don’t.”

“I’ve never had beer before,” you said. 

“We did something right with you,” he chuckled. “It’s a big day. One beer won’t kill you. You’ll probably even get drunk from it so that’s exciting.”

“You’re such a guy,” you said, taking it from him. You popped the tab open and took a sip, making a face for a second. You took another one and liked it better. By the third you actually liked it. “It’s good. I think.”

“Thanks,” he chuckled. “Just go slow.”

“Worrywart,” you said. You slumped back into your seat, enjoying the smell of the fire as a cool breeze tickled your face. “What’s in the bag?”

“That red dress,” he said. You peeled open your eyes and he shrugged, staring at the fire. “Someday when you’re older, you’re gonna want a dress like that. You’re gonna wipe him off his feet.”

“Thanks, Jensen,” you said. “I liked all of them. I was...I don’t think I’m gonna be scared anymore. I’m gonna try not to be.”

“Good. Except for bugs though.”

“Bugs is forever and always your department,” you said.

“Gonna call me to come kill the spider when you live in your own house?” he asked.

“Yes. 100% yes,” you said.

“That’s my girl,” he said, smiling as he sunk down and took a long swig. “De said you’ll find out about early acceptance at UT week after next.”

“Yeah. I got the grades. I just hope I did well enough on my paper. The architecture program is kinda selective,” you said.

“She said you don’t want to live on campus, you want to commute,” he said.

“If that’s okay.”

“You can live here forever. I will take every second I can have. I just wanted to make sure that’s what you wanted. We’re paying for whatever you don’t get in scholarships. From what your guidance counselor says, you’re looking at a half-ride already.”

“I’d like to stay. I haven’t been here that long,” you said.

“No, you haven’t. Been an interesting year,” he said. “Good year.”

“Yup,” you said, snuggling into the fleece hoodie.

“I’m not getting my hoodie back, am I,” he said.

“We can share? It’s fleece.”

You burrowed into it and he nodded.

“We can share. I want visiting rights for my vacation with De at the beginning of next year,” he said. 

“She still doesn’t know, right?” you asked. He shook his head and you smiled. “She’s gonna love it Jensen.”

“Fingers crossed. Speaking of that trip, I have a favor to ask. Would you be opposed to watching the kids that weekend?”

“I thought grandma and grandpa were coming down,” you said.

“They were but it was in the middle of a trip they were supposed to take. We said it was covered. Think you can survive a few days without us?”

“You trust me?” you asked. He smiled and took a sip from his can.

“We’ll go over a few things so you’re not overwhelmed. You can do it. We just didn’t want to take up your whole weekend if you didn’t want to,” he said.

“I’m okay with that.”

“Thanks. I think you guys will have fun,” he said. “Can I ask you something at risk of possibly making you want to go undo what we did today?”

“Well now I’m interested,” you said, looking over to him. “Shoot.”

“Why do you never talk about your parents or growing up with them outside of therapy?”

You shrugged and he returned it.

“You can talk to us about them. We would really love to know more about them and what they were like,” he said. “We know they were good but you treat them sometimes like a before it seems that you don’t want to go back to.”

“You know what I said in therapy.”

“I know what I said too. You’re not making us jealous or making us feel inadequate,” he said. “Talk about whatever you want to talk about, always. I just wonder sometimes.”

“How easy is it for you to remember before you were ten?” you asked.

“Fair point. I got more years on you though.”

“I remember some, not all of it. I don’t remember what they said to each other. I don’t remember what we used to talk about at dinner. I just remember feelings mostly. They’re good ones. Mostly.”

“The accident.”

“Yeah. My mom had a miscarriage about six months before,” you said. “She was a couple months along I think.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“It was enough that they told me. A week later...it went bad. They had problems having kids they told me. They’d been trying a long time to give me a sibling they said.”

“I never knew that either.”

“I know that breakfast, the day of the accident, they talked to me about this, adoption. I was already ten and they wanted to know what I thought about adoption,” you said with a laugh. “They had no idea what was gonna happen that night.”

“If every parent could see every horror that was out there for their child, I’m pretty sure you’d never leave your room again,” he said. “So what’d you think back then?”

“I was excited. Really excited. My life seems very different then than now. I don’t try to hide them. I think about them everyday. I don’t know what to say is all.”

“You don’t have to say anything. You can if you want to is all.”

“I know.”

“That was very sweet what you said earlier back in court.”

“Jensen,” you said.

“Alright, alright. Enough sap for one day,” he said. “It really was a good day?”

“Best day in a long time. Well, second best day,” you said. He cocked his head and you shrugged. “Day I came here wasn’t that bad either.”

“You like us,” he teased.

“Oh shut up,” you said, taking a drink.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” he said. “It’ll be our little secret.”

“You’re such a dork, Jensen.”

“I know but you love it.”

“You’re alright,” you said, finishing off your can. 

“Happy adoption day, tall munchkin,” he said.

“Thanks. For everything.”

“Back at ya,” he said. “Now about that present…”

________

A/N: Read the Oh Baby timestamp here!

[blitzosblog]

Dust Under The Mat - Part 1

Summary: Reader has a crush on reid but runs into him at a bad time resulting in a harsh confrontation.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Warning: Drug abuse, swearing, confrontation, Spencer being a dick and yelling.

Rating: 16+

Part 2

_______________________________________________

Third Person POV:

Y/N was a bubbly little personality, despite the cruelties and harshness of being a BAU profiler she kept her facade strong. Not to mention her wonderful work family, Emily, Aaron, JJ, Derek, Penelope, Gideon and Spencer; Spencer the resident boy genius was one of the biggest reason Y/N enjoyed working with the unit, she remembered meeting him her first day and how awkward and clumsy he seemed but as time went on she grew to love his clumsiness and unique intelligence and soon the feeling of friendship, merged into feelings of love and admiration toward the lanky man.

So when he was taken by Tobias, your nerves sky rocketed although they would have for anyone else of the team Spencer was your best friend and the person you confided to the most out of anyone and you were sure when you so him after his rough rescue you couldn't let go and he'll he didn't ask you to he just held you tighter before you parted.

~

Readers POV:

It had been a month or so now since the whole ordeal with Tobias Hankle and Spencer seemed fairly okay or at least he let on that he was, he'd aught with you all, smile, sometimes he'd seem distant and of in his on place , but snappy but who wouldn't be after being kidnapped and having the shit beaten out of you.

I walked over to him in the jet as we made our way back to Virginia taking the set next the him and leaning close, this wasn't unusual for the two of us as he'd commonly let me lay beside him sleeping on our way home, today however he seemed more closed off and grumpy.

"Hey Spence" I whispered beside him, he looked down from his book and peared down at me, scowling slightly.

"Im fine." He deadpan ed and went back to scanning over the book.

"Oh you sure, you seem of" I replied as I put my head on his shoulder preparing to sleep, before he shrugged me off him, grunting and turning away, to say I was shocked would be an understatement but I didn't want to bother him further so I turned and attempted to take a nap once again.

~

We'd landed, everyone parting ways as we went home but I quickly approached reid before he left.

"Reid, wait are you sure your okay?" I questioned looking up at him, he just nodded and sped away to his car leaving me confused, so as he drove off I began planning what I could do for him and began to assemble everything, luckily tonight was our regular movie night together.

Night had rolled round quick and I prepped all of reid favourite chinese food and candy; making my way up to his apartment, I grabbed the spare key so he'd shown me just in case, as I walked in to the apartment it was silent and dark so I walked over to the curtains and drew them open, turning back round I nearly jumped out of my skin as a slumped and tired looking Reid stared at me.

"Hey, so I now you've been a bit down so I thought our little movie night would cheer you up, so I got Chinese from the place round the corner and some candy for the movies, so I'll just get a couple out and maybe you can set up the food?!" I exclaimed excitingly as I hopped round him, he slowly walked to the food looking at it, contemplating what to do next, suddenly he picked up the food and threw it towards the door.

"Spencer!"

"Get out." He spoke lowly.

"What but we-"

"I SAID GET OUT Y/N I DON"T WANT YOU HERE!" He started shouting at me walking slowly forward. I stood my ground cause I wanted to help him like all the times he'd helped me before.

"I just want to help you Spence" I whispered head cranked down looking at the floor, he then gripped my arms tight enough to leave bruises across them as he shoved me into the wall hard, I ignored the pain spreading in my back, neck and arms and looked up at Spencer, fear evident in my eyes.

"You think I want this shit Y/N, ha, you think I want Chinese food and movies NO!"

"I jus-just-" I began but he cut me off.

"What huh- you thought I'd want you here to look after me cause I look after you, cause your pathetic and lonely Y/N, you think I want you? Want to be with you thats fucking ridiculous, who would want a childish, stupid little bitch like you, now get the hell out of my house!!" He screamed as he throwing me to the floor. This wasn't Spencer my Spencer but I couldn't talk to him right now so I did what he told me to and quickly grabbed my bag and ran out.

I didn't know what to do i just drove home tears staining my skin, I silently thanked Hotch for giving us the weekend off as I reached my apartment and fell back against the door.

God why did it hurt this much and what was I meant to do now.

Masterlist here

[chernobylbaby04]

Manuel Antonio Guzman

I met Manuel Antonio Guzman when I was 14 years old. I told my grandparents I was going to hang out with my friend, Katie Franks. Katie and I went to our very first backyard show ever. It was in Anaheim across the street from Sycamore Jr. High. For those who know, it was when Riff Raff played (first time I met Zach, he was the naked drummer) and someone ripped the toilet out of the bathroom? Yep! That one. My grandma called me because she had figured out where I really was and I was in trouble. Katie went to school with someone who was senior at Anaheim High School, Pedro Garcia. Pedro drove at the time which meant he could give us a ride. The sooner Katie and I were back at home, the less trouble we would be in. Pedro pulled up to Sycamore Jr. High and I drunkenly opened the backseat door. A face appeared and they said, “Nope!” and pulled the door back closed on me. I was soooo PuNk RoCk and annoyed that I threw my little 32oz. Smirnoff Bottle on the ground and kicked the car. He opened the door and laughed and let me in. That was the first time I met Manny. He was funny, he was cute, he was weird, and he was older. A few short weeks later Pedro invites me to Punk Rock Picnic. I accompany him and Manny joins us. I spent the whole day with Manny. We rode a ferris wheel together, my shoe was falling apart and we went back to the car so he could sew it back together, all that jazz. A week later, Zone 3 was playing at the Riff Haus and my grandparents were nice enough to drop me off. Manny met me there and we snuck off back to his house. I knew Manny was 20 years old, and he knew I was underage. We kissed. We made out. We cuddled. We had sex. When we were done, we did the math of how many years it would take until I was 18. It was 4.5. I did not know what the relationship between me and Manny be, because Katie had told me he was seeing her friend named Taylor. Taylor also went to Anaheim High School. Taylor was 15 years old. The person I broke up with to be with Manny was my high school boyfriend, who I will leave nameless. He was hurt and upset and wanted to talk, but I did not give him the time of day. He came over to the house my grandparents and I had just moved into and climbed through my window. He pinched my pinky toe to wake me up. He was really upset but we decided to talk things out. Unfortunately, my grandmother heard a boy in my bedroom in the middle of the night and tried to come into my room. My ex-boyfriend snuck back out my window as my grandmother came in. I was officially kicked out. I called Pedro Garcia and I lived in his car for 2 weeks. This was far from the first time I had been homeless. When I was 13 years old I tried living with my mom because my grandfather would get really drunk and kick me out of the house. My family struggled with my grandfather’s alcoholism. He was a working class blue collar man who had broken his neck on a job site. For four years my family bounced from motel to motel. My grandmother worked cleaning houses to keep us afloat, and my grandfather spent his mornings drinking. He was violent when he drank and I got into the habit, young, to just leave. Sometimes I would stay with my mother, but she was always in and out of jail or did not have an actual place to stay. She abused drugs, would give me drugs, and have various men around. I really did not have family at the time. So being back on the streets was not anything new for me. I eventually told Manny after a few days that I was living in Pedro’s car, and he insisted that I stayed with him. A warm bed, food, and someone who paid attention to me was what every child needed. I did not get that in my home life, but I got it from him. I put him on a pedestal for taking care of me and we never talked about my age. This however did not last very long at all. A good mutual friend had a recently divorced mother with a three story house. Her name was Ms. Kitty. Ms. Kitty insisted a 20 year old’s bedroom was no place for a 14 year old girl. She took me in and I lived with her for 5 months. A few weeks into me living with Kitty, I caught Manny cheating on me with a girl names Melissa. He had a Myspace blog online that was meant to be private, but it was not. He said specifically, I can have Melissa one day, and Ashley the next. Instead of confronting him about this, I did what every 14 year old girl would do. I made out with my ex boyfriend!!! Childish, huh? Well, that’s because I was a child! Manny found out and to him and I both we call this the “Blog War Era.” Because for the next 2 months or so, Manny publically bashed me for being this self-serving slut. And me? I just dedicated a bunch of bad GG Allin songs to him. We eventually let it go, and I continued my life without talking to him. 5 months into me living with Ms. Kitty, I fell into a deep deep depression. I needed family, I hadn’t talked to my grandmother in months and she missed my 15th birthday. My heart was broken. I had severe abandonment issues. I had emailed my grandmother about how lonely and lost I felt, but she did not respond right away. One night, at 15, I decided I couldn’t go on, and I drank a bottle of sleeping aid, took various pills from Ms. Kitty’s medicine cabinet, wrote a letter, filled the bathtub up with water. Put tape on my mouth, cut my wrist, and waited to fall asleep. I had flashes of people pulling me out of the bathroom, of opening my eyes for small moments to see a different face looking over me each time, and to my grandmother and mother taking me home. No therapy. No medication. That same night, my grandparents went to the bar and did not come home for a very long time. I grew up with a sense of purposelessness. I grew up without self-esteem, and I grew up with severe abandonment issues. I lived with my grandparents off and on for a few more months but I started drinking and doing drugs more and more. April 1st, 2010, I moved out of my grandparents’ house again. I was living in and out of different parks, schools, and churches. A friend, Bailee Wilcox from my high school let me stay with her and her family. I lived there for 8 months. Bailee’s sister, started dating Pedro Garcia… and Pedro Garcia was best friends with Manny. Therefore, I saw Manny around a lot more. It was before my 16th birthday that Manny and I inevitably started dating again. We had a sexual relationship. A very sexual relationship. I would ditch school just to be with him, or he would pick me up from school in his ~cool~ 1999 Ford Mustang. Briefly, I caught him cheating on me again with a girl he had an online relationship with. Her name was Victoria. Victoria had a tumblr called fleeting-m00ns. She was 16 years old. Manny and I broke up briefly, for about a month. And he called me one evening and we met each other at the Airplane Park in Anaheim. He immediately held me, started kissing me, and asked if we could go back to his dad’s house. I was dumb, naïve, impressionable, and agreed. I wanted this dumb man to love me. I did not care about how much older he was than me or what those implications were. We went back to his house and we slept together. I was on my period. I went home to Bailee’s that night with Manny as my boyfriend again. Manny, at this point, was 21ish years old. As time went on, I decided to quit doing drugs, I did not drink as much, and I had a job working at the Brea Mall. The house I lived in was a party house so I spent less and less time there. Eventually that put a strain on the relationship I had with the people I lived with, as I spent less and less time there and would not come home. Manny insisted that it was not a healthy environment for me and that I should just stay with him; where I was not surrounded by people who did still party. I loved feeling protected and cared for. I allowed myself to abide by his wishes. If I chose to stay at my friend’s house, he insisted I was not allowed to go into the living room, I was only allowed to stay in the bedroom. I will provide a screenshot of the facebook message I received from not listening to his wishes. September 20th, 2011; “You stupid fucking bitch you can’t just fucking stay in the bedroom and away from the living room. You know I fucking hate it when you’re in there bt you never fucking listen because you’re always so fucking right and mighty and have to fucking be in the living room when you know what the fuck happens there. STOP IT. And never call me again from there, because when ou do, the first thing I’m going to ask is if you’re there, and if you’re fucking lying to me, I will never talk to you again.”I listened. I was afraid of him not staying with me, meant I truly had no one else in the world. I was very submissive. He preferred me to be submissive in the bedroom and in person. He would, what he liked to call, “fuck my face.” He would shove me up against walls (I will provide screenshots of that evidence as well), and use degrading language. There was no love making, or passion, or sensitivity. I did not know what normal relationships looked like. What I knew was he was my protector, I am safe when I am with him. That is all. I sabotaged the relationship I had with Bailee’s family and for those who have known me for a long time, knows what happened. I was homeless again. I could not go back home, I was 16, and I lived in Pearson Park. I dropped out of high school. Sometimes I would stay with my best friend, Danielle, and sometimes I would stay with my sister. Manny did not like me staying with my sister because he told me she was toxic for me. He did not like my sister and would treat her poorly when she was around. If I was at my sister’s house, Manny would shut me out, ignore, more or once told me to stay out of his life. I learned quickly who I was and was not allowed to talk to. If I had friends from my old high school, I wasn’t allowed to talk to them because they might ~be friends with Bailee.~ I was not allowed to go to backyard shows because he “feared for my safety.” I fed into all of it. I truly believed that no one else cared about  where I was or who I was with. Manny was my only source of family, love, and protection. It was the way he wanted it. If I wanted to take the bus to work, he’d insist on driving me. If my shoes were falling apart, he would yell at me for not telling him so he could get me new ones. If it was raining, and I chose to walk, I would be in trouble for not asking for a ride. My entire relationship with him, I walked on eggshells. A good friend of mine, Joey, almost punched me in the face once because I faked punching him in his balls. It was a hilarious to me and Joey. Manny told me I was not allowed to talk to Joey anymore because he was supposedly abusive. If I wanted to see friends or family, I had to sneak around. (Thankfully he forgot about the Joey thing, and let me still see him, I did NOT remind him). Simultaneously, I would catch Manny cheating on me with various women. Grace, Angie, Janet, Rachael (Mouth, for those of you who know her). Once, Manny broke up with me at his house and was texting Mouth saying I was crazy and he was so happy to get rid of me. He told her he was sick of me and he needed to breathe. The next day was my birthday and he picked me up because we still had plans. He must of have been real horny because he asked for me back, fucked me twice, and I was expected to carry on like we never  broke up. Every time, Manny would tell me that him cheating on me was only because he was under so much pressure of being an adult and taking care of me, a minor. He would say that if I truly loved him, I would never leave him. He would tell me that if I broke up with, I would have to move out of his house. I had to swallow all of it and keep going. Some nights, I couldn’t take it though. It was the first of me starting to “lash out” or what Manny calls, “psycho.” One night I bashed my head against a wall. Some nights, I would just leave and walk around for hours, then wait somewhere that I knew he would find me at. Just to be found. Just to be taken care of and cared about. There was a brief time that Manny went to Mexico for 3 weeks. We broke up online and I took it like a champ. I was so relieved. I used the time to focus on myself. I had already started going to Gilbert Continuation School, so I spent my time catching up on years of not going to school. Manny spent those 3 weeks on tumblr telling his followers that when he got back home from Mexico, he expects me to “respect his space.” And that he won’t, “deal with my bullshit.” People would comment on these posts supporting him because he painted me into looking like I was this obsessive monster. I will be including those screenshots as well. When he broke up with him, I wished him the best. The very hour Manny came home from Mexico, he SOBBED to me about how he was going to be a better boyfriend for me, and how he would never hurt me again and that he didn’t want to lose me. I was so hurt about how he painted me on the internet but I was NEVER EVER EVER EVER allowed to talk about it online or to friends because HE WAS A GROWN ASS MAN AND IF I SAID ANYTHING AT ALL, HE COULD GO TO JAIL. I took him back. Nothing changed. I ended up in Foster Care 6 months before my 18th birthday. Manny and I were still together. I was living in a group home and he was fucking a girl named Nicole. I had no idea. I protected his name from social workers and different foster parents I had. Eventually, Manny’s mother, Ofelia took me in. Bless her heart. She always told me, “I don’t see you as my son’s girlfriend, I see you as my daughter.” Her and I are still close to this day and I love her very much. Time went on, I turned 18, I entered transitional housing, and I got my own apartment. Manny was still cheating on me though. But now he didn’t have any more excuses. I wasn’t a teen anymore, he didn’t have to hide from authorities… This was just who he was. We broke up when I met Zach. I hated Manny. I hated him so much from years of what he put me through. As I got older and started to build a life for myself and build new relationships, I realized how much control I let him have over me. Who I was and was not allowed to see, what family I could or couldn’t talk to, what jobs I was or wasn’t allowed to have.  All while he slept with other women both older and younger than me at times. But I still talked to Manny.One afternoon he brought up that while I was in the group home, he was sleeping with someone else. Manny brought up even proposing to me to marry him that day. He cried, he came clean, he said he took advantage of me and how sickened he was with himself. He said I was just a child and I deserved so much better. I cried… I even considered breaking up with Zach. I was just 18 and I never knew my life without Manny and I was so so so afraid to find out. I had this attachment, and he still had so much control over me. Then his phone lit up, and it was girl named Janet. The messages were dirty and sexual. I lost my absolute shit. I picked up a knife from a plate of cake that was in my room and I cut myself. I held It up to my throat and told him that if I died it would be on his conscious. Manny wrestled to get the knife out of my hands. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in there. Manny told me that if I did not let myself out of the bathroom he would kill himself. He was sobbing outside of the bathroom door and I wanted him to hurt. I did not care for one fucking minute what he did to himself. But I opened the door anyways. He pulled his phone camera out and started to record me. He started to narrate what was happening. He said, “really you’re going to hurt me? This is who you are, this is who she is…” So that he could have something to show people. So that he could tell people how crazy I was. I retorted by saying on camera, “tell them how old I was Manny, I was 14, tell them that, you’ll never tell the truth.” We did not talk for 4 years. I would occasionally look at his tumblr page and see what he would say about me. I’d occasionally get drunk and call and say something like, “you’re fucking stupiddddd” and hang up. Time healed, Zach and I made up.. We moved on. And I have been living my life ever since.Zach and I broke up, and I started dating someone else. It took me years to heal and I still am not there. I occassionaly still have suicidal tendencies. Or have the horrible habit to try and control the outcomes of situations. I still have abandonment issues.Manny sent me an email a year ago. Essentially wanting to talk things out. I agreed because I wanted a sense of validation. We met at the Continental Room in Fullerton. Manny showed up drunk. He immediately said, “you’re ass still looks just as good as the day I met you.” WHAT MANNY, WHEN I WAS 14??? BECAUSE  THAT’S WHEN YOU FIRST MET ME. He said he learned “new things in the bedroom,” and asked me multiple times to go and get a hotel room with him. He made multiple attempts to kiss me. I politely left the continental room and left Manny alone. That’s all I needed, validation. Yep, Ash, Manny is a creep, it wasn’t all in your head. He had hit me up and asked if he left his ID in my car. He emailed me saying he doesn’t remember what happened that night and that he thinks we’re “cool now.” I will include that email as well. Manny also sent me an email admitting he lied to people about me trying to stab him. So!!! Did I try and stab him? No, I did not. Do I wish now? Hahaha, no. But really…And you know what, I confronted him about all of this. And he agreed, he said, in the end of all of this, he was an adult, and I was a child. I told him it wasn’t right for me to threaten suicide, but to NEVER EVER leave out the part that he was a rapist, and he said he wouldn’t. And a year later, after he tried to sleep with me, he comes to all of you to tell you that I was a psycho crazy ex stalker and that he fears for his life and BLAH BLAH BLAH. It’s fucking boring. Manny, I’m sorry trauma serves you in a way where your memory is fuzzy. But my trauma NEVER lets me forget. Fuck you. Lizz, I’m sorry, you are an apologist. He is a rapist. There is proof, you support him, you’re an apologist. So continue to brag about how many orgasms you gave me and cry about how you’re relationship with a child did not work out the way you wished it did, but when you tell your story, don’t forget to include the part where you fucked a child for 4 years. You’re sick. Eat shit, Die. Seacrest Out.

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Loss

The secretary flinched on her seat when she heard the glass door of the hospital shattering and yelped in fear when THE Overhaul slammed his fists on her desk, eyes burning with rage as he almost shouted.

"(L/n) (Y/n). Tell me where the fuck is her. NOW." she trembly nodded while picking her notebook on and the telephone.

He had received a call on the middle of a meeting, mentally rolling his eyes in irritation as he excused himself and accepted the call.

The way his eyes had widen in horror and how he stormed out of the room made everyone not only scared, but each one to have certain curiosity and worrover the situation.

What happened to let Overhaul on that state?

A doctor came by along with his nurse and Chisaki grabbed the hem of his jacket, the glare he was still wearing seemed like fire was going to spill from them by any moment while he demanded thhat he spilled out what the fuck had happened.

"S-She suffered a accident." The doctor gasped out, breathing in a long sigh of relief when the man let go "A villain fight on the center, the man accompanying her didn't survived but she is still alive." They patted their clothing, shakily looking up at the fuming man in front of them.

"The ambulance found her phone and saw it on her emergency contacts yout number. You're family or friend?"

"Mind your own business and let me in." He shoved past the doctor and abruptly entered the room, ignoring the nurses pleas for him to wait.

The sign of your bruised and beaten up image made him want to vomit... the bandaged wrapped around your head as your hair was sprawled out on the pillow you were laying on...

He felt his throat tightening as his eyes seemed to burn... slowly reaching the bed to caress your patched up face with his thumb carefully...

The only comforting sounds he heard on that cursed cold room were the beeping of the machine... indicating that you were unconscious, but alive no less.

"Get the fuck out." He muttered angrily as his hands turned into shaking fists, the doctors and nurses frowing but yet respecting his demand.

He carefully grabbed your hand on his both gloved ones as he took the seat next to you... He controlled the urge of shouting and letting his tears fall as he numbly stared at the bedsheets, his attention focused only on the beeping.

~

He ended up falling asleep on that place, head resting on his crossed arms on the bed.

He, for the first time, thanked the heavens for letting him have a light sleep, because he woke up with your stiring and weak groans.

Chisaki jerked up, eyes wide as his lips trembled a bit at seing his angel's eyes finally cracking open.

"(Y/n)..." he breathed, lowering his mask down when you looked at him confusedly "(Y/n)! My angel, thank god!" He, without thinking straight, wrapped his arms around you tightly as he breathed in on your scent and kissed with tears rolling down his face.

He only came to realize later that instead of feeling your arms wrapping around him or even a cute little giggle of yours, your body had tensed up under his hold...

Now it was his time to frow, grapping onto your shoulders as he parted only for a few inches.

"Angel I swear on my grave that I am not sending any garbage to accompany you anymore..." he talked, looking at your confused and quite... feared eyes.

"U-uh..." you awkwardly muttered as you slowly but firmly brought your hands to his gloved ones and took them off from your shoulder... Chisaki arching a eyebrow at your action in total dissaproval when you placed his hands to himself.

Then he widened his eyes in complete horror and disgust, hives appearing om his pale skin as his brain processed those despicable words he never once thought he would hear it from you ever again...

"Who... who are you?"

~

"It seems that after the impact, her brain got affected by the section where it lands the data of her memories..." the doctor spoked as him tapped his finger on his chin while analyzing your X-ray.

Chisaki didn't even dared to say a word... not even being a complete arrogant towards the man as he explained the situation of his partner.

"Her brain is still functioning and she has still her memories from her whole period of school aparently."

"... then why?" He asked in a numb tone as he stared at his closed gloved hands.

"It seems to be a rare type of amnesia ... she actually remembers all of yesterday's events for example; but due to the blow she must have received, the part where the memory about you is kept was the most affected."

"What's the cure?" He growled immediately, trying to surpress his angry shaking.

"There is no cure mister..." the doctor grunted when Chisaki grabbed the hem of his shirt.

"You as a doctor have the fucking obligation to find a cure or at least treat any diseases on this planet so you got the nerves to say that THIS doesn't have even a fucking treatment?!" He shouted, the doctor still keeping his calm attitude somehow.

"The human brain is a complicated thing... she might return her memories or not. We can't know. The maximum you can do now is try little by little to show what you were to her..." he mentally sighed in relief when Chisaki putted him down slowly "But not everthing, go slow... she might have a combustion or be too much overwhelmed."

His parted lips trembled underneath his mask as he wordless left the office...

You... didn't know him. Didn't know who he was or what he was to you...

He was a stranger. A fucking stranger to your eyes...

He dragged his feet to your room. You were already standing up and fixing up your hair on a mirror before you yelped at noticing his presence.

"Uh, hello..?" You awkwardly gretted him with a uncomfortable smile, not knowing how long he was standing there.

He nodded as in a gretting before his broken hearted eyes locked with your own. You felt pity over the man... the moment you told him you had no idea who he was he panicked, opened the door of that hospital room and shouted for the nurses to come explain this.

"...Come. I... will take you home." You tilted your head in confusion.

"I... no. Thank you for the offer but I-"

"I know where you live..." he muttered the words "I know this sounds stupid... but I am your.." he breath in to control the burning in his eyes as he looked down at the floor "Your boyfriend."

"Eh?" He wanted to chuckle so badly at hearing that precious confused sound... but the situation didn't let him "... I'm sorry. I... don't remember you..."

"They already told me. How does your house look like? Just to make sure." He tried, afraid of hearing that your answer would be that cursed apartment of yours.

"Uh... its a japanese like style house. Has a yard with beautiful trees on." You smiled, making hin want to scream in frustation.

It was his house. The Shie Hassaikai's house. You remembered the damn place but not him.

"... Come with me." He sayed nonchantly as he shived his fists onto his pockets and left the room, you following him right after.

You entered on his car and didn't speaked a word as he drove... afraid of making more weird the situation than it was already.

You recognize the place as he stopped and left the keys with a subordinate.

"Ah so you weren't trying to kidnapped me or something." You tried to joke, but that man's face didn't even twitched out of that broken shattered look as he only nodded and continued to walk.

He noticed that you didn't recognized the people on there either... being extremely awkwardly. Still, you were extremely polite with everyone of them, especially Pops.

He winced at remembering the first he brought you here... your actions being the same but instead lf just closing in yourself liek now, you found some comfort on him on the new area...

Pops patted his shoulder at seing Chisaki's huge amount of pain on his eyes while all he wanted to do was succumb onto his knees and scream until his vocal cords exploded.

You looked even more uncomfortable when he guided you to your shared bedroom. Noticing your embarrassment and... distrustful look.

"Not comfortable sleeping on the same room with a stranger." He more pointed out than asked.

"Yeaaah." You scratched the back of your neck before looking up at him "B-But i can sleep on the couch! You don't need to-"

"Is not necessary." He interrupted "You have all the rights to keep this room." He left without much of a word, only telling you that dinner was going to be soon and if you needed him, all you have to do is call.

You arched one eyebrowd of yours while watching him go away... what a weird guy.

~

Pops told him he wasn't obligated to do those things and even Chrono had offered to take his shift... but he refused it.

He needed to drown on his work to forget this pain and his misery.

A knock on the door had snapped him out of it as he rubbed his eyes and allowed whoever it was to enter.

"Excuse me? Am I bothering you?" You asked shyly.

"Never." He answered with a sigh "Something wrong?"

You took the opportunity to enter and sit on the chair in front of him, the awkward atmosphere still on the air.

"I... you said you're ny boyfriend. Right?" He nodded numbly "What type then? I-I mean. I want to know you... again." You found the strengh to look at those amber eyes.

Boyfriend or not, this man was hot.

"... You want the absolute true or the only love dovey shit?" You giggled at his boldness, making him for the first time smirk underneath his mask.

"Grab that black album from the shelter. I will try my best."

He couldn't help but smile at seing your curiosity as you paced through the pages, asking him the main events before you pointed out awkwardly that this was kostly you on that thing...

"I don't like taking or seing my own photos... But you always kept pressing me to at least have one or two... with those cursed puppy eyes."

"Cursed?" You asked, arching a eyebrow at seing the same elder you greeted earlier on one of those.

"Yes. Every time you use them I can't just say no."

"Ah! So you're the secret softie type!" You smiled at him whole he couldn't help but glare daggers at you.

He breathless chuckled at your gasp when he told you he was part and the leader if the yakusa and in that exact same moment you were underneath their roof.... although he almost choked up when you had noticed the pingent adoring around his neck.

The yingyang. A symbol that represented you both way too well. He cared one side while you carried the other.

You took your own in your hands and the way your eyes squinted while looking at the pingent made his early feelings return back.

Because he knew with that look of yours... you were trying hard to remember... but you couldn't. Your brain wouldn't let you have those memories back...

"Enough." He picked abruptly the album and placed it over the shelf with a sigh. You apologized and got out from his office shortly after... maybe his attitude had scared you... godammit!

He punched the wall until his gloved hand was all bloody and bruised before he let out a miserable shout.

He lost his angel... he lost your memories. His world was nothing but pure darkness now.

~

You giggled at seing both white haired man and the creature smaller than him arguing on the end of the hall as you passed through it.

One week had passed after your accident and now you were pretty used to with everyone on the house.

Well... almost everyone.

Chisaki was the man who revealed to be your boyfriend but now he just seemed even more broken and depressed then you saw him once on that hospital.

You tried really hard to remember him... but nothing about this man came up. You also noticed how angry he got when you called him 'Overhaul' or only 'Chisaki'...

You explained to him that calling him by his firts name was still a bit uncomfortable, he understood that and simply waved you off... but you still noticed the way he gripped or turned his hands into fits whenever you called him.

Everyone on there was trying to make you regain your memories back desperately. You even caught a taller man discussing with a muscular one on the hallway once about the situation.

"If miss (Y/N) don't recover her memories soon, master will get worse than he is already."

"You're fucking lucky Tengai. Overhaul at least didn't used his quirk on you three times in less the one hour only because you had asked how was his chick doing."

"You beg though for this Rappa."

"I WASN'T BEING FUCKING SARCASTIC THIS TIME! I WAS GENUILY ASKING!"

You choosed to not know of his quirk after you heard that in fear of what you might discover...

You made your way to the bedroom and sitted on the bed with sigh, picking your cellphone to mess with since you didn't even touched the device ever since you put your foot on here.

You frowned when the screen showed up, a picture of the man you trued so hard on remembering... he didn't seemed to have the knowledge that he was being photographed as he seemed to be reading something without his mask on for once.

His eyes were serious but calm while he readed the book, and something that made your heart twist on yiur ribcage was that you noticed that his gloved fingers were interconnected with bare ones right on the corner.

It was your hand in there.

You didn't needed to know his whole life to already know that this man had a despised for touch and was a mysophobic... but you catched plenty times him going to reach for your hand or your hair only to pull his hand back with a broken sigh and walk away frrom you as far as possible.

You had to admit that this pained you somehow.

You dropped your cellphone, not feeling like messing around on it anymore as you shivered at a cold breeze that passed through the window...

You didn't like it very much closed places so you opted to get up and grab a hoodie instead of closing the window.

Just when you opened you saw the iconic green jacket that Overhaul always used whenever he was out or when he just felt like it.

Curiosity consumed you as you caustiously picked and holded close... scenting the intoxicating smell that left you feeling like you were in heaven.

You wondered a bit before shameless wearing the coat on, way bigger than you but you felt... safe.

You took another sniff... gasping and dropping into your butt when a bright and rather painful flash came into your head as you fell.

You groaned and placed your hand on the bed as you tried to get up, wincing as another flash came by making you want to scream in pain... before you saw it.

Him. The man. Your... your boyfriend of three years!

Chisaki Kai.. Chisaki Kai! You remembered him!

~

"KAI!" he stopped writing on the papers when he heard your voice shouting his first name.

... it was his mind playing tricks on him. You didn't called him 'Kai' anymore.

He scoffed and went to return to writing before he dropped his pen and widened his eyes at hearing your screams again.

He got up and opened the door, stepping in on the hall way and looking at both sides.

"KAI!" You breath out, when you turned on a hallway and saw him looking at you with worried yet serious eyes.

You runned towars him withiut a care, jumped on him as he groaned at the impact with the floor, wincing at not knowing if that place was clean or not.

"Kai!" You breath out as you cupped his face on your hands as your tears fell, nuzzling on him "My life, my boyfriend, my devil! I remember! Everthing!" You cried, while Chisaki's eyes widened as his pupils trembled a bit.

He managed to at least sip up, arms now holding you with a iron grip as he still processed while you cried on his shoulder... his own relived tears falling at hearing that you called him your devil.

"(Y/N).." he breathed out in a smile underneath his mask, hugging you even closer as he buried his face on your shoulder with a shaking sigh "My angel... my precious angel you're back..!" He whisper shouted as he holded onto you tight.

He growled in disaproval when you separated before grunting when you grabbed him by the hem of his shirt after yanking his mask down to crash your lips with his... smirking when you felt him sigh on it as his hands went to your waist... straddling his lap.

"I'm so so sorry! How could I ever forget you?!" You whispered between kisses, crying a bit as he hushed you harshly while wiping your tears away with his gloved fingers, taking advantage of your mouth being open to after days taste that scent flavor of his angel he had craved for...

"You aren't the one to blame my love. Never." He said after taking a break for at least to have oxygen back to his chest, helping you up from the floor. "How I wonder? I was running out of hope already..."

"Your scent. Your cologne. When I took your jacket-"

"Ah yes. Little thief." He chuckled at your pout before you skirked devilish and snuggled even more on his coat and on him.

"It was.. like a flash. Kai..." you breathed in on his neck, tearing up at feeling him resting his chin on your head as his gloved fingers worked thorugh your hair.

"My life is so painful and so dark without you my angel... those days were like hell." He admited, subsconciously touching his bare lips on you as a kiss.

Chrono just had stepped in on the room before he quickly turned back when he saw his childhood friend cupping his lover face on his hands as he traced her face with his lips lovely... the skies even seemed to get brighter wben Overhaul's partner recuperated her memory...

[yuzukult]

effortlessly pt. 6 || jungkook & reader

title: effortlessly pairing: jungkook x reader genre: fluff, romance, school!au, smut (no smut in this chapter) words: ~4k notes: longer than i thought but closer to the end!! possibly 3 chapters left if i planned this right ;___; sorry for the delay! days pass by so quickly... and i’m always napping after work....

series: part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six || part seven || part eight || part nine || part ten || epilogue 

“Hey, you okay?”

His palms are clammy, you take note of this because the leather of his steering wheel evidently shows the residue left from the moisture on his hands. He’s anxious, it’s more than obvious, and you could potentially pinpoint the reason behind his uneasiness but you want to hear it from the man himself.

“Uh, sure. Kind of. Something along those lines.”

“You’re acting rather suspicious,” You say, paraphrasing the words he had used on you previously. “Talk to me, I’m supposed to be your best friend.”

The windows are rolled down and the sunroof is open, with the breeze flowing into the car yet you can still feel the heat of tension radiating between the two of you. He’d been silent the past couple days, head so focused and lost into just swimming during his practices, but that was all he did. Practice. Practice, practice, practice. Jungkook did it like a ritual, every single day at the same time, and performed it as if it was his religion. He hasn’t cooperated by eating enough meals during the day and although you guys didn’t share every class together, it had been apparent that he was behind on schoolwork. 

He’d completely gone insane.

“So... the finals are coming up soon,” He manages to choke out, hands still tightly gripping on the steering wheel and eyes never leaving the road. He never said where the destination was when he sent you a text, prior to picking you up from your house on a Saturday afternoon, but you figured as much that he needed some time out so you complied. “And I heard that recruiters are coming. Well, rumor has it.”

“Hey, that’s great! You can finally show those guys your talents.”

“Yeah, but... what if I don’t get anything?” His voice is shaky, full of fear and angst. Although he wasn’t looking directly at you, you could tell that his chocolate orbs were mixed with ambiguity. Jungkook lived his entire life with the prospect that his dreams and aspirations were unattainable because he didn’t have the means to reach them. He lacked what many of his colleagues had— experience in competitions at a young age, training by professional coaches, and support financially from his family. He was at the bottom of the totem pole, knowingly still attempting to climb to the top despite of the downfalls, yet dismay always lingered.

The drive is quiet. The only sounds are coming from his old car, so worn out that the bumper is hanging on by duct tape. You regularly questioned Jungkook how the tape is so strong, and oddly enough, figuratively you realize that no matter how fucked up things are, you are the tape to Jungkook, who is holding onto his bumper of dreams. This situation wasn’t any different.

“Jungkook, I’m sure you’ll hear something. But even if you don’t, that doesn’t mean your journey ends there. And... you’re not alone. I’ll be with you even surpassing the end.” 

It takes a moment for your response to sink in, but the edges of his mouth twist into a soft smile, your comforting words warming his heart. He feels as though he’s on top of the world when he’s with you, and it’s a reminder that nothing is out of reach if it means that you’re by his side.

Weeks later, Jungkook spends less and less time with you as time progresses on.

You’re trying to be understanding— again, emphasis on the trying, because he’s leaving classes and briskly moving straight to practices. He had made it through consolations with ease, but moving up to finals meant that the biggest competitors would be there however his colossal adversary is himself. Nonetheless, you miss your best friend, and it hadn’t been long after you’d been dating that he’s back immersed with his passions, long forgetting you. Or so, you mention dramatically. 

“Why do you look so... sad?” Yura says, almost hinting disgust in her words. The two of you were out, looking for something to eat yet again, with Yura’s never ending black hole of a stomach. 

“Because I haven’t hung out with Jungkook in forever.”

“You just saw him yesterday. Is this what puppy love is?” You roll your eyes at your friend, pushing her to a food stall on a street when the aromatic scents coming from the vendor invitingly enhances your senses. “No, I barely actually hung out with him. I came to his practice then he drove me home.”

Grabbing a couple sticks of fish cakes, Yura shamelessly shoves one in her mouth in one go. “What about today? I’m surprised you’re even hanging out with me despite the fact he has practice.” You frown, knowing that the guilt would eat you alive later, but you told your significant other you were ditching the one session since you’d been going back-to-back every single day. It had become a bit exhausting trying to keep up with his antics. “I... was going to go, but I’m tired. I’ve been going everyday for the past three weeks, I need a break.”

“A break from Jungkook?”

“No, not a break from Jungkook, a break from going to his practices.”

“Hmm,” She hums, cheeks full of rice cakes as you lean over and steal a stick of fish cake from her. “Well, you look hella sad. Why don’t you just tell him that you want to spend one on one time with him without the smell of chlorine in the air?”

“It’s so hard to talk to him.” 

“No, you’re just being a weak ass bitch,” Yura snaps, your eyebrows raising at her choice in words. “You can tell Jungkook these things when you guys weren’t dating, why is it so different now? Because you actually care about what he thinks of you? Stop being so stupid, he loved you back then and he still loves you now.”

“OK, but won’t he think I’m too needy?” Immediately, it’s Yura’s turn to roll her eyes, groaning at your response. “Stop being one of those people! You want something, go get it. Beating around the bush doesn’t get you anywhere, yaknow.”

Yura makes a point. She always does, but like usual, you don’t let her know that. 

“Did I tell you that Taehyung confessed to me?”

She coughs— nearly choking on the rice cake that she stuffs into her mouth momentarily before you mention the confession. “What the fuck— what? Kim Taehyung? The prodigy that graduated before any of us then got that wicked ass scholarship to study abroad and swim?”

“The one and only.” You remarked, taking a bite out of your food. “I rejected him, obviously. I told Jungkook about it since then, and we talked. Everything was fine, and still is fine, but I guess with the paucity of attention, it’s starting to eat me up inside and believe that it’s why he’s been ignoring me.”

“I mean, I doubt it. You rejected Taehyung. What else did the guy say?”

Fingers fiddling with the stick, you’re waving it in front of Yura’s face playfully as her eyes follow the goodness. “He just wanted me to know. I think it didn’t sit well with him if he didn’t at least try.”

“Do you think it bothers Jungkook knowing that if he didn’t confess, you’d be in the arms of the great Kim Taehyung?”

“Possibly. But he’s been so focused on swimming lately, I don’t think he even notices.”

That’s when the feeling drowns into your stomach— you know it’s not the food because it only happens when Yura mentions the words that bring your mind into overdrive. You’re overthinking now, there’s no way around it, and although you want to confront Jungkook about his new actions, you know he’d be the old him again soon after.

Your hands are equally muculent as if you’d just dipped your hands in the pool water with how much sweat you’re perspiring. 

The chlorine in the air is an all too familiar feeling that you resent but yet again, you’d find yourself here frequently that the smell doesn’t quite grind your gears anymore. You’ve gotten used to it since you and Jungkook had become a thing, your love for him is a lot more indisputable and something you want to display.

He’d been giving you less attention lately, but he never fails to drop a quick peck on your lips before starting his practices. Today was different though.

Today was the finals.

You showed up in his locker room with an apple in hand and a cute little post-it note for support and motivation, and he gifts you his signature before-practice kisses, despite today being a swim meet. He’s distressed and fidgety; you’re pretty much the same. His team pats him on the back, pushing him with an inspirational chant which he lets out a laugh to—a laugh that is so nostalgic it reminds you of a time before the release date for the finals.

Sitting in the bleachers feels weird today. It’s not the bleachers at your school, for one, and two, there were just so many people in the crowd, you think Jungkook won’t be able to find you.

“Hey, if you sit here, Jungkook will be able to see you.” His name perks up your ears, turning to the owner of the assumption when you meet your eyes with Taehyung.

He looks... unfamiliar in this lighting. More mature, if you had to describe him in a word. 

“Sure, I guess I could join you,” You respond, exchanging a smile with him as you settle yourself on the bleachers. The humidity in the arena was disgusting and you could almost feel your hair going insane with the frizz. But that was the least of your worries. “I’m kind of scared for Jungkook, even though I know he’s going to do fine.”

“Of course he’s going to do fine, he’s going to do better than fine. He’s Jeon Jungkook. Plus, he has us, his personal cheerleaders on the sideline for him and the rest of his team backing him up. He has all the support he needs, and he’s full of talent so he doesn’t even need luck on his side.”

You want to believe him because everything he says is true. But the word luck doesn’t sit well with you.

The introduction starts, informing the audiences what the relays would be, and a couple of the matches begin. Your brain can’t even fixate itself to watch the other players on Jungkook’s team because of how restless you are about Jungkook’s portion, but from what you hear beside you, Taehyung says that they’re all doing well.

Then it’s Jungkook’s turn.

He’s standing on the platform, dressed in his swim tights and cap, goggles in hand. Shaking to warm and loosen up his body, he looks like he’s shivering in fear. You don’t think he even takes a glance up at the crowd to find you and a bit of disappointment settles in.

Back crouched over, he’s taking in a couple breathes before preparing himself for the initial push. It’s like any other swim meet, is what he repeats in his mind but he knows that this isn’t just any swim meet. He knows that amongst the people in the crowd are recruiters, people who could determine the fate of his future, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at the sidelines. Too many emotions would sit in him and he possibly won’t even be able to swim if he did.

The whistle blows.

Jungkook dives off the platform, swimming away in freestyle mode. He’s admirable when he’s swimming, like he has all the freedom in the world without any burden on his shoulders. The words he mentions previously about his aspirations ring in your ears again. When I’m in the water, I’m floating. Floating without a care in the world, without anything pushing down on my shoulders. All I can think about is how I’m just surrounded by the water, how it sounds in my ears and how it feels on my fingertips. 

Seeing him in his true happy place made you a bit envious. Envious that you didn’t find anything in close resemblance to how swimming made Jungkook feel, how you couldn’t even commit yourself to hobbies. What he said in the car weeks ago is a reminder that it’s okay for you to feel this way, that no matter what happens to you, Jungkook would always be there. There was some comfort in that.

He’s doing well, from what you can tell. He’s not overexerting himself in the water, and he’s switching between different types of strokes in order to ease the pressure off himself and quicken his speed. He’s neck and neck with his opponent, and you think nothing of it because it’s the exact scenario as some of his swim meets.

But then— you’re unsure what happens. It’s a moment of hesitation, possibly, but his opponent does one last push and he makes it.

Jungkook won second place.

It’s hard to tell exactly how he’s feeling. His eyes that once were bursting with excitement and happiness were filled with despair and anger yet his voice is calm and soft when he speaks to his teammates.

He doesn’t even look directly at you and you feel a certain way, but you don’t let that feeling eat you up inside knowing he’s upset with his performance.

The car ride is utterly quiet. So quiet that you don’t even hear the engine of the car sputter or roar during the drive, almost like even the car could feel the tension in the air. 

“Jeon, you okay?” You barely say, voice as quiet as a mouse squeaking. He’s like a ticking time bomb at this point, and there’s uncertainty on what can detonate his anger.

He doesn’t respond for a couple minutes for exasperating a long and heavy sigh. “You already know the answer to your question. What’s the point of even asking? It’s a waste of breath.”

“Hey, you won second though. That should take account for something. You did well, I’m sure you’ll be okay.”

“Are you definitely sure?” He snaps. His tone is harsh and the volume is increased a bit but you brush it off thinking it was an impulsive decision on his end to respond that way.

“Of course I am.”

“Listen, don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t have dreams that just got ruined. Your goals don’t even exist for that— this swim meet was my chance to show those recruiters what I’m capable of. These were the fucking finals! I could be living the way Taehyung is, training for my life, given a coach that actually has the ability to show me tricks and tips that ours couldn’t.”

This... wasn’t the Jungkook you’ve come to know and admire. His aspirations were eating him alive, and for a brief moment, he’d abandoned the love he had for swimming, and just swimming alone, the only thoughts flooding his mind was winning finals. Swim meets weren’t even his favorite thing, he’d only did them because they were stepping stones to continue swimming and to do it as a career.

You push the tears back from brimming in your eyes, arms slipping into your jacket in preparation to get out the car. “Yeah, no, you’re right. I’m just some lost chick who stood in the bleachers, so dumbfounded and blinded by your love and affection. I won’t understand because I never will, I don’t have those passions or goals like you do.”

“Wait—“ Glancing over at you and before he can finish and say your name, you sling your backpack over your shoulder. “Stop the car. I can walk home or grab an Uber.”

“I was just mad in the moment—“

“You said what you said, and you meant it. I’ve been trying to be patient, but I’ve had enough. Stop the car, Jungkook.”

Abiding by your instruction, he pulls over to the shoulder of the road, turning to look at your expression. His face didn’t shone in antagonism anymore but that same fear he had before he went in for his swim meet earlier. 

“Where are you going?” He says, voice wary. “Don’t go.”

“Home,” You respond abruptly and sharply, unlocking the seatbelt that embraces you before opening the door. “I can walk myself home. Don’t follow or wait up for me.”

He doesn’t comply with those orders though. Instead, as you’re walking on the sides of the street, he trails behind you silently, understandingly giving you your space despite the fact he didn’t want to. All he wants is to pull you into his arms and apologize. Apologize for letting his anger get to him, saying things to you that he didn’t mean. 

Cars are beeping behind him, cursing and sticking their middle fingers up at Jungkook as they go around him, but he could care less. His day has gone so far down— potentially losing the love of his life and the route of his career.

Finally reaching to the front of your houses, he watches as you enter in as he makes his way into his own. Once he reaches his room, he quickly attempts to get your attention from his window. Jungkook figured, even when you’re mad, you couldn’t resist seeing his cute face from across the little space between your houses. 

Excited with a smile on his face, he peeks through the glass, only to see that you’d already closed the window and dropped the blinds. His smile dissipates within seconds.

Jungkook concludes he’d let you calm down for the night and try again tomorrow.

The sun peers through his blinds, and shone on his face as he grunts in displeasure. His body is sore from the amount of practices and the swim meet from the day before, but nothing in comparison to the thought of hurting you.

His phone rings and almost immediately, he jumps out of his bed, still in his boxer briefs and without hesitation, he exclaims a “hi!” without checking the caller ID. Once he realizes that the voice on the other line doesn’t belong to you, his enthusiasm sizzles out.

“Jeon Jungkook?”

“Ah, yes. That’s me. Can I ask who’s calling?”

“I’m one of the recruiters that came to your swim meet yesterday. I’m so sorry for not getting to meet you afterwards, I’ve been so swamped in my personal life, I didn’t get the chance. Do you have a moment to speak?”

[soniaxdixon]

The New World; Series

Okay so this is my first time writing a fic and obviously will be my first series but I’ve just rewatched TWD for like the 17th time and my obsession with Daryl has reached new levels. I hope that it isn’t too shit and that you guys actually read/like it. Thank you in advance for baring with my average writing but I mean, how else will I learn? Anyway, enjoy! 

Sonia x 

Set pre to early season 1, back story for when the world ended.

Part 1 of ??

Summary: Y/N Grimes is Rick’s younger hot headed sister. When Rick gets shot and falls into a coma, Y/N’s world ends. Y/N Finds herself at a quarry near Atlanta with her nephew carl, sister in law Lori and her best friend Glenn where she meets her new family including the equally hot headed redneck Daryl Dixon. Over time Y/N and Daryl begin to form a friendship, finally allowing one another to open up to someone and maybe finding someone they can actually love. 

Warnings! Slowish burn but the feels are there from the start, swearing, some gore (hardly in this one) and merle being a bit of a dick as usual. 

Words: 1428

Growing up a Grimes wasn’t always the best, especially being hot headed but having Rick as a brother made everything a lot easier. He was always able to calm you down, like he was the only one who knew how.

The day he got shot felt like a piece of your heart being ripped away, never to be replaced, never to be healed. That was the day your world ended.

When the world went to shit you were wishing he was there guiding your every move.

You scrambled through your one bedroom apartment, haphazardly shoving clothes into bags, anything and everything you thought you might need. Medicine, first aid kits, anything you could use as a weapon, anything to keep yourself alive. Ripping open the drawer near your front door you grabbed your keys and drove like you had nothing to lose. Racing through streets, running red lights, you watched as the world crumbled before you. People looting stores on one side of the street while on the other side the monsters ripped into the people you once new. Normalcy was now a memory. Normalcy was not normal anymore.

Swinging around a corner you barely put the car in park as you leapt out and barrelled into Lori’s house.

“Lori! Carl!” You yelled as loud as you could, your voice being drowned out by the sounds of sirens, helicopters and king county shattering around you.

“Lori! Where the fuck are you?” At this point you were screaming.

Carl came running around the corner throwing himself at you, tears in his eyes as you both fell to the floor hugging each other. Knowing he was safe was all you needed.

You held carl’s face in your hands, forcing him to look into your eyes.

“Where’s your mom?”

“She’s in the garage with Shane, packing all of our camping gear. I’m scared Y/N”

“I know you are baby but we will get through this. I promise.”

You got up and let go of the boy, racing into the garage and catching Lori’s eyes, she ran and embraced you.

“Thank God you’re okay” she said, still holding you tight.

“I don’t know what to do Lori. Everything is happening all at once, how will we get Rick through this, how will we get through this?” You rambled looking between Lori and Shane.

You watched as their expressions dropped, Shane’s eyes looking at the floor as he rubbed the back of his neck. Lori’s eyes filled with tears as she grabbed your hands.

“Rick’s gone”

The words hit you like a freight train as you collapsed to the floor, your own knees not being able to take the weight of the words that she spoke.

“I went to the hospital to get him out, he wouldn’t wake up. I tried Y/N I tried.” Shane was explaining what happened in the hospital but the words washed over you, your brain refusing to comprehend the things he was saying.

————

All of this felt like years ago at this point. A distant memory. Rick was a distant memory.

You woke up in your tent as the morning light began to enter the space. Sounds of people chatting quietly outside filled the air as you forced yourself off the ground, pulling on your black jeans, a grey t-shirt and your boots. Looping your belt around your waist and making sure your knife was easily accessible.

You fumbled around with the zipper of your tent still half asleep, stumbling out and greeting everyone with a small smile.

“There she is” Dale said with a charming smirk, “any longer and we would have sent Carl to come and jump on you.”

You chuckled at the remark, “It’s like 6 o’clock, calm down old man” you retorted, earning a hearty laugh from Dale.

You made your way over to Lori to see if she needed any help with breakfast but she and carol had it under control. “Smells great, you making your famous Sunday pancakes, Lori? Don’t forget to actually mix the batter” You said, obvious sarcasm in your tone.

She pushed your arm playfully as you reminisced the many clumps of flour you had eaten in the past, forcing a smile every time with a fake compliment “they’re greeaatt”

You sauntered over to T-Dogg who was sitting on top of the RV keeping watch.

“Mornin’ Y/N”

“Hey T”

You made it half way up the ladder before you were halted by an unfortunately familiar voice.

“Now how the hell did ya manage to squeeze that ass in those jeans, God damn.” The Southern drawl of the older Dixon brother had you fuming before you even turned around.

“Man don’t you ever shut up?” T-Dogg yelled from the top of the RV.

“What the hell d’ya say to me?” Merle retorted but before anything could get heated between the two of them you dropped off the ladder and made your way over to Merle.

“Keep it in your pants you redneck prick.” Your harsh tone really getting the message across as Merle put his hands up in surrender but still made it known that his eyes were on you the whole time you walked away.

Your best friend, Glenn made his way into the middle of the group announcing that he wanted to make a run into the city to look for some supplies. He said the last time he went in, he found a department store that had everything from clothes to food and looked as though it wasn’t overrun or burnt down. A few of the group members volunteered to go including you but Shane was quick to shut that idea down.

“No way in hell am I letting you go into the city.”

“Last I checked, you’re not my babysitter, Shane.” You quickly responded

He shot you a glance and you rolled your eyes. It wasn’t worth the argument, plus, after you had volunteered, Merle did too and you did not want to deal with that headache for however long the run took.

Within an hour, Glenn and the others were packed and ready to go into the city. Glenn came over to you and you pulled him into a tight hug.

“Don’t get eaten, please.”

He chuckled and let go of you, nodding. “Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”

“No promises” you smiled and waved as he and the rest headed off towards the city.

You looked to your left and saw the younger Dixon brother watching as his brother went off on yet another run. You could see worry in his eyes but you knew he would never show it properly. He’d probably be called a pussy by Merle for showing the slightest ounce of care towards anything. You didn’t realise you had been staring until you heard his voice.

“What the hell r’ya lookin’ at?” His words came across with more anger than he had intended

You blinked quickly and looked away. Your cheeks flushing a slight shade of pink as you struggled for words. Something about this man made your mouth run dry and your stomach flip.

“N-Nothing, sorry.” You quickly walked off but Daryl’s eyes remained trained on you, squinting as you walked towards the sunlight but still remaining focussed on you. He couldn’t figure you out. You were so harsh towards his brother, so easily set off by the slightest thing. If someone said the wrong thing you would mercilessly attack them with words and yet with him, you could hardly speak. You couldn’t be around him for more than 5 minutes.

He thought about you for a while, he didn’t understand why you were on his mind but you were. You had never even held a conversation and yet the only thing he could think about was you. In a similar way, the only thing on your mind that night, was him.

You made your way to your tent stealing one last quick glance at Daryl who was making his way up the RV for night watch, he locked eyes with you for a second and you smiled, a small smile but enough to make daryl nod at you in return.

The simple gesture made your heart jump as you hastily pushed your way into your tent almost falling over.

Changing into your pyjamas the simple interaction played over in your head as you climbed into your sleeping bag and drifted to sleep.

Just like that, another day was over in this new world and another one was ready to begin.