#spoiler alert only one is old and its the third

[froyocorp]

some tawneys new and old

[amateurvoltaire]

I'm still neck-deep in my studies of the Vendée, and what I've found particularly fascinating is that nearly every (1) prominent general not only boasts an impressively cool portrait but also sports a rather fetching nickname.

The nicknames are sourced from the Memoirs of the Marquise de La Rochejaquelein. How reliable is she? The lady lost her father and both her husbands in two separate Vendéen royalist uprisings, so she's hardly an unbiased chronicler. However, it's a reasonable assumption that, irrespective of one's views on the beliefs of these six men, they exhibited considerable courage and grace in their tragically brief lives—something even their Republican foes, begrudgingly, acknowledged.

Moreover, even if the cool monikers might be embellished, they're somewhat incidental to the broader mythos surrounding the Vendéen generals(2)

The truly intriguing part is the blatantly obvious piece of Royalist propaganda embodied by the six portraits and what they reveal—not so much about the portrayed subjects, but about the man who commissioned them: Louis XVIII (3).

Every Vendée General needs a Good, King-approved, Profile Picture

Now, I'm no expert on Louis XVIII, but he seems considerably more sensible than either one of his brothers. During their reigns, both the previous Louis and the subsequent Charles X appeared to have missed the memo that the times were changing, managing to piss off masses of people. Louis XVIII, in contrast, was painfully aware of the precariousness of his position. These portraits show as much.

Understandably, imagery during the First Empire tended to avoid commemorating the Revolution or acknowledging its victims. The Bourbon Restoration opted for a different tack: it sought to acknowledge the allegiance to the crown of those who opposed the revolution without reminding the public of the implications of such loyalty: namely war; a very bloody war.

In 1816, Louis XVIII commissioned a series of portraits to adorn the Hall of the Guards at the Palace of Saint-Cloud, depicting generals of the Vendée. Since he is often (apocryphally) quoted as saying that he owes his crown to the Vendée, the subject matter makes sense. The result, as you can see, was suitably glorious (4).

However, comparing these paintings to those of the Vendée created during the Third Republic by artists like Julien Le Blant, Paul-Émile Boutigny, Alexandre Bloch and many more reveals a notable omission: the blood, the violence, the enemy. Now, before you argue that it's just the era's style, go take a look at some of the paintings of Napoleon’s generals—many depict the enemy lurking ominously in the background. Yet, for portraits of six men who fought in a conflict so brutal it's sometimes termed a genocide, these images are remarkably sedate.

*Spoiler Alert*: It’s intentional.

Louis XVIII wasn’t an idiot. He clung to the throne by the skin of his teeth. Now, I’m speculating, but he probably liked his head enough to want to keep it firmly on his shoulders. He might have been grateful to the Vendéans and eager to indulge in a bit of old-fashioned Royalist propaganda, but he wasn’t about to spark another civil war over it.

Thus, these portraits, intentionally devoid of any overt warfare imagery, focus instead on symbols of monarchy and religion. We see the white flags of the Bourbon kings, rosaries, sacred hearts and white cockades adorning men who appear more like martial saints than soldiers.

Bonchamps's portrait lacks even a weapon (he holds a quill). In his painting, Cathelineau (5) is so laden with rosaries and crosses he might as well have raided the Vatican Gift Shop. Lescure's portrait drowns in Christian symbolism to the point of satire. Charette appears to be triumphant and is dressed in the outfit he had on when he entered Nantes after the Treaty of La Jaunaye. D’Elbee is an outlier, painted during the reign of Charles X after a decade of rosaries and white cockades, allowing the artist some leeway with the excessive symbolism.

Of all the portraits, that of Henri de La Rochejaquelein by Pierre Narcisse Guérin(6) stands out as the most striking. The young leader is portrayed in a dynamic posture, which projects a sense of forward movement and leadership yet avoids any overt display of aggression. La Rochejaquelein is the only one clearly portrayed amidst battle, in a heroic poise, aiming his gun at an invisible off-the-canvas enemy. Guérin gives us just a hint of the Republican army by showing the tips of Republican bayonets in the background—just enough to suggest opposition, yet not enough to relive the battles.

Notably, while dripping in Royalist symbols, his portrait eschews overt religious iconography beyond the Sacred Heart. In fact, the painting goes so far as to replace what is known to be La Rochejaquelein’s flag with a more royalist-focused one.

The Conspiracy of La Rochejaquelein’s flag

How do we know this? Well, the actual flag was preserved by the Beauregard family, whose ancestors held commanding roles in the Vendéen army. What’s written on the flag is not “Vive le Roi” (7) but “PRO ARIS REGE ET FOCIS”, translating to “For Our Altars, King, and Hearths”. Notice the order—king follows altars? Now, before you suggest that neither Guérin nor Louis XVIII could have known what was inscribed, I will concede that Guérin might not have, but Louis XVIII actually handled the flag a year before commissioning the portrait.

After Rochejaquelein's death, his comrades took the flag to Charette's army, which continued to use it. In 1814, one of Charette's former officers presented it to Louis XVIII. The king then gifted it to Louis de la Rochejaquelein during the 1815 uprising. After his demise at the Battle of Les Mathes, Auguste, the last of the three La Rochejaquelein brothers, preserved it until 1832 before, prior to his exile, bequeathing it to the Beauregard family, to whom he was related.

So, putting my metaphorical tinfoil hat firmly in place, I will conclude that it seems the King didn't want to share the dashing young Compte de la Rochejaquelein with the Pope.

Jokes aside, Rochejaquelein’s portrait was the first completed, likely reflecting the true intent of the King’s propaganda effort: to reaffirm a Royalist identity and provide a heroic image that could encourage unity rather than division. Over time, the overt Royalist symbols were toned down—probably because someone hinted to the king that he was being a bit much—but one element remained consistent: the absence of violence.

The remaining five Vendéean generals' portrayals as dignified, pious leaders rather than battlefield warriors are a rather perfect metaphor for the narrative Louis XVIII sought to promote throughout his reign—a narrative of reconciliation, remembrance, and a gradual, non-confrontational restoration of the monarchy to what he perceived as its rightful, almost divine, station. Essentially, Louis XVIII was too smart and fond of his head and crown to go all-in on the whole absolutist monarchy thing (8).

... If you've actually made it this far and read this whole thing, please know you're one of my favourite people in the whole wide world...

Notes:

(1) Apart from Stofflet, for reasons I won’t speculate on here because this thing is already over 2000 words long…

(2) This was all I intended to mention before I tumbled down a rabbit hole into the realm of early Restoration imagery and emerged with a mini-essay on early Restoration propaganda...

(3) the former Count of Provence and brother to the guillotined Louis XVI)

(4) The Louvre Collection has a number of paintings marked as being commissioned for the guard room in Saint Cloud. In chronological order, they are:  

Henri Duverger, comte de La Rochejaquelein - Guérin, Pierre-Narcisse (1816)

Louis-Marie de Salgues, marquis de Lescure (1766-1793), général vendéen by Lefèvre, Robert (1816)

Charles-Melchior-Artus marquis de Bonchamps (1760-1793), général vendéen by Girodet de Roucy-Trioson (1816)

Jacques Cathelineau (1759-1793) généralissime vendéen by Girodet de Roucy-Trioson  ( comissioned in 1816 but exposed in the Salon of 1824)

Pierre Jean Baptiste Constant, comte de Suzannet by Mauzaisse, Jean Baptiste(1817)

François Athanase Charrette dela Contrie by Guérin, Paulin (1819)

Louis Duverger, Marquis de La Rochejaquelein by  Guérin, Pierre-Narcisse (1819) – this is Henri de La Rochejaquelein’s baby brother, he died leading the Vendee revolt in 1815

Louis, comte de Frotté, général vendéen by Louise Bouteiller

Maurice Joseph Louis Gigost d'Elbée by  Guérin, Paulin (1825) – Comissioned by Charles X

Antoine Philippe de la Trémoille, prince de Talmond, général vendéen  by Cogniet, Léon - (1826) – Comissioned by Charles X

Louis-François Perrin, comte de Précy (1742-1820), général vendéen by Dassy, Jean Joseph (1829) – Comissioned by Charles X

(5) Fun fact: Cathelineau’s son stood for his father’s portrait

(6) Not to be confused with Guérin, Paulin

(7) According to his wife, this would have been Lescure's flag

(8) Very in character for a king who refused to be crowned. And this is a good thing. Especially seeing how his little brother turned out…

Sources:

Crosefinte, Jean-Marie. Les Drapeaux Vendéens.

La Rochejaquelein, Marie-Louise-Victoire. Memoirs of the Marquise de la Rochejaquelein.

Mansel, Philip. Louis XVIII.

[thesillydoll]

GOS2 SPOILERS

Theory #??? What, 4?

Well.

While crying over how beautiful Ineffable Bureaucracy was, I commented that Anna seemed very socially awkward, and Shelley seemed more forthcoming. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful to Anna or her Beelzebub, in fact I love it. I feel very identified. However, it also seemed strange to me. Why did it change so much?

I mean, we were supposed to have an explanation for Beelzebub's new face, but we only got "They needed a change" "This old thing?" and other comments.

I remember we all talked about how Beelzebub tried to smile in s1. They made strange gestures with them mouth, grimaces, which we collectively interpret as 'attempted smile'.

But now they can smile and make sheep eyes?

I mean, they're in love, that shit (love) does weird things to you. it changes you . . I guess. (See this from my more aromantic side.) But this is all very 'Female Makeover Trope'. . . If we were in some cis comedy. We are not ( i doubt Neil knows what straight means) and I feel that there is something beyond Beel's face/personality change.

They're still Lord Beelzebub and terrifies everyone. Their first meeting with Gabe after the nopocalypse is fluid, somewhat tense, but much more bearable than their previous conversation.

How do we go from our Beelzebub, who we love being socially awkward, to Beelzebub pulling a fly off his tongue? (Very attractive, sorry).

Shelley is amazing, very romantic. Gabe is the one who doesn't know how to feel. A different dynamic than what we would think of Anna with Jon. I can imagine Anna, doing something different. Straighter in the chair, always pending and alert. Looking up at Gabe with those amazing, cold blue eyes. Struggling to smile. Anna and Jon are the definition of Dark curls/ Watercolors eyes. (Gabe at Job's, he's very dark curls, and Beel, well, watercolor eyes) Also, Gabe smiles with all his teeth, as the song says, and the dynamic 'How to smile without looking like a serial killer, 101' would be very beautiful.

I understand. They'll say "Shelley wanted to do her thing". But the script is very precise about its intimacy. The flashbacks wouldn't be the same if Shelley didn't have those beautiful sheep eyes.

Also, Neil made canon a couple taken from fanfictions. 6 minutes was enough for us hahaha. I'm sure Neil had at least a general idea of how we handle Beel in the fics. He wanted to make his own story, but it doesn't seem consistent with the character of the first season.

(I repeat, we know little about Beel, but they're an exceptional demon in many ways compared to the dump they runs.)

My crazy theory, here we go, is that Beel was planning on running off with Gabe. They even seems to hint that they would give their position to Crowley, and they are desperate to find Gabriel. And Gabriel makes warnings regarding something that he should give to Aziraphale and that never materializes.

Beelzebub seems to have planned everything to run at the slightest opportunity. Even knowing about the 'extreme sanctions' for those who help Gabriel, (being erased from the Book of Life), they're run the risk.

Or they just changed their faces just bc. Who knows? Maybe, Neil. Probably, Neil.

It would be a shame not to fix these small "fails/spots" (I don't think Neil or Douglas make it) in the third.

Something must have disturbed Satan and God (or her voice) for them to come together. We know that after they fell in love, they had their own ideas about the Nopocalypse. Gabriel refused to destroy the Earth, mostly because it was their dollhouse.

I mean, they saw an angel endure the flames of Hell and a demon swim in holy water. I would have erased them from the Book of Life and continued with the war.

Maybe God intervened. We do not know. But it should have been talked about. Maybe that's why Gabe and Beel needed to get together. Perhaps the plan was to destroy Zira and Crowley. Or investigate at least.

What doesn't surprise me is Beel's taste in music. They have the best artists in Hell, surely they went through the Bach's torture at some time.

Those kinds of things seem congruent to me. What turns out that the script in general seems incoherent to me.

What do you think? I'm on my 4th cup of coffee and haven't slept in quite a while. I'm going crazy?

Either way, if you read my verbiage, I expect responses.

Kisses, Tor.

[monotonecomplainyguy]

For the send a fandom: Tsushima.

Left field. Bitch.

Mofo making me add yet another game onto this blog, spoiler alert I loved ghost of tsushima and think everyone should play it. ps. spoilers ahead cause I cant for the life of me figure out how to hide text till you click it.

The first character I fell in love with: tbh Yuna, her blatant disregard for the rules and expectations in favor of doing good is great, even if that good is selfish from time to time. Her growth throughout the story just reaffirms this even more too.

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: That'll have to go to Masako, her introduction led me to believe that her as a character would be nothing more than a cheap revenge ploy, and while her questline kinda leaned into that hard her as a character grew on me. The duel with her had me literally yelling that I better not have to kill her.

The character everyone else loves that I dont: Shoot me, but Ryuzo. As a character hes as good as every other major character but thats why I dont like him, his betrayal hits hard especially after listening to the banter between him and Jin about their childhoods. As they spoke about parting ways after their initial duel I seriously hoped they could reconnect over the course of saving their home.

The character I love that everyone else hates: I dont know if hes necessarily a hated character but Ive heard several people say they really didnt like Norio. A lot of people say his quest is two dimensional and bland but looking past that Norio feels like the only character that really understands Jin's struggle with what needs to be done and his expectations as a samurai. Through the second and third act he feels like a reassurance at Jin's back, that his decision is a difficult one but one that needs to be made.

The character I used to love but dont any longer: Ishikawa, Initially I thought he would be the basis for a growing understanding that what Jin and Yuna did was necessary, especially with what he did with Tomoe. But he remained just as stubborn and while I can understand why it doesn't mean I have to like it. Hes a good character but not my cup of tea.

The character I would totally smooch: Probably no one in the way you would expect, but Yuriko needed a kiss on the forehead and praise for doing such a good job even in her old age and told not to worry about Jin. At least she was one of the few that got to pass peacefully.

The character I'd want to be like: Taka hands down, he tries so hard to be something hes not, and when he found a way he could help he put his heart into it. Then even in the face of the Khan he put on a brave face and knowing full well he stood no chance tried to do what he thought was right. In many ways hes a reflection of Jin yet not so gifted that he can fight for his home, yet he still raised a sword when it mattered the most. His death by far killed me the most.

The character I'd slap: Lord Shimura, this man infuriates me so much yet I cant hate him because of how sad he is. The ending killed me, seeing his pain in having to face Jin, losing the person he considered his Son, and even more so after sparing him. He could've helped change everything and even if he disowned Jin officially he could've still let him go after everything that happened. But now he continued to be shackled by his idealology of honor and it forced him to push away his son all the more. I get its not easy to change what someone is raised to believe in whole heartedly but you would expect the loss of the last of your family to help with that, but no.

A pairing that I love: Jin and Tomoe, I feel like they are two very different edges of the same coin. Jin choosing a path that leads to a great many regrets that become overshadowed by the good that followed, and Tomoe falling down a selfish path filled with many more regrets and struggling to correct it. Is this generic? maybe, is it cliché enough that I like it still? of course. What do you want from me cliché is my middle name. Also yes Im aware she hardly had any screen time and her and Jin hardly interacted, I like thinking about unlikely things, its called headcannon for a reason.

A pairing that I despise: I dont despise it but I dont really like it either, Jin and Yuna feels kinda wrong. The two of them went through so much together and it feels like one of those dynamics thats very rooted in a deep friendship and nothing more. Plus after spending so much time together in so many stressful scenarios changing how they see each other would be a monumental challenge, especially after Yuna lost Taka and would most likely be hesitant about getting close to someone else. Losing a family member often causes people to push away the thought of relationships for awhile.

[spectralarchers]

@crisis-response-specialist tagged me in a "Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ♥️"

so here goes:

"Nothing Burns like the Cold" is my absolute favorite fic that I've ever written. It's only about 45k long, but the journey of figuring out all the historical things for a fic which had a setting of "Hawkeye goes to Greeland with the Sirius Patrol to find Captain America" was such an incredible one. I love this fic so much too because the friendship between Steve Rogers and Clint Barton got really cemented in my head here. It's just such a wonderful, down to earth, fic and I wish I could make an actual comic book based on it because the illustrations of Greenland in my mind... *chef's kiss*

"Swallow Your Soul" is my second favourite fic I've written, and it's also the longest thing I've ever spit out, bonging out at 114k. I still have no idea how the hell that monster of a fic became so big as it was, I only remember thinking that I needed to write something set between Age of Ultron and Civil War with Ronin as a focus. One of my favorite characters in this story is actually Buck Chisholm, whom I pictured in the likeness of Woody Harrelson as I was writing, and Barney, of course.

"Five Times Clint Barton Spoke with Steve Rogers about Growing Old and the One Time He Didn't" is my third favourite thing I've ever written, and it's one of those short 6k fics I've written punctually. The reason why this fic means so damn much to me is because older Steve Rogers in the story is based so much on my own grandfather. I loved that man so very much, and his life was so full of anecdotes and experience, and I wrote this fic in May of 2019. My grandfather passed at the age of 93 in August of 2019, and even though I miss him every single day, whenever I read this fic again, I am reminded of how kind he was and how I apparently managed to transform some of my fondest memories of my grandfather into old man Steve Rogers.

"'til the skies bleed ashes" is my 2019 NaNoWriMo, which came out at a grand total of 84k words. It's what I imagined would have canonically happened after Infinity War, before Endgame came out and surprised all of it. I remember the kicker being "what if Clint became Director of SHIELD after Fury got dusted?" and then sprinkling some Ronin on top of that, and trying to make things work out. One of my absolute favourite scenes I've ever written is from this fic, and it's the one where Thor is given the heart-shaped herb from Ramonda and T'Challa and goes to his home in Bilskirnir and sees his family together before being brought back to the battlefield atop Sleipnir, flanked by Valkyrie on her Pegasus, Hela on Fenris and Carol Danvers glowing in the sky. Sending the personification of death from the MCU after Thanos made the most sense to me, since that's what he went after in the comics.

"a mausoleum fit for me" is my only non-Marvel fic on this list, but it is my second longest fic ever, at 104k. I remember watching The Old Guard in 2020 and being absolutely mesmerized by this sad, depressed French immortal, and thinking "I have to dissect how he came to be" and originally, the story was going to follow him throughout his life. Eventually, I decided to make a cut by (spoiler alert) Booker's first death in Russia and then continue the rest of the story post-immortality in another fic, which is how this monster of a fic happened. I had my entire living room plastered with post-its and dates and events and someone once told me that "they learned more about the French Revolution through this fic than they did at school" and that's about the greatest compliment anyone could ever give me.

I'm going to send some asks around, but if you feel like self-reccing based on this, consider yourselves tagged <3

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Okay so that SaB S2 ending! The show runner—Eric Heisserer(sp?)—is a big crows fan but he said that they just loved Jessie so much. Alina and she have really become the “bedrock” of their mother show—Shadow and Bone and they had to keep her. I’m sure they had other reasons. One of them being that they know how lame her ending was in book 3 but they’ll never admit that. He also said that Mal needs to go find himself, now that he’s lost his purpose. I laughed because dude, just admit that he had no personality beyond nice guy who helps Alina. Not to mention bland love interest. Finally, he said that regarding Alina’s turn for the dark, the Darkling has been “quite honest with her” about the cost of power and that she’ll realize that everything he’s prophesied that will happen to her very well could come true.

Whatever the reasons behind the change, I’m happy for the change because it opens the door for so much—including Darklina! Just imagine, in S3, as she grapples with the corruption and darkness growing in her, she starts yearning for Aleksander, maybe reluctantly but she still starts looking for him. She could go back to that fountain, hold his ring, visit his old chambers etc etc, thinking about him, what he would say, the advice he’d give and just generally wishing he was there because he’s the only one who truly KNOWS, though she’d never admit her longing. Even if Nikolai is also infected, no one will truly truly know other than Aleksander. It’s the whole no one is like us thing. Think of the possibilities! The angst! The drama! Not to mention the possibility for a darklina endgame! Or do you think they’ll have her overcome that darkness (with or without Aleksander’s help) and ultimately still end up with Mal? I do think that the Darkling will be back because Ben Barnes is the most popular fan favorite on that show even more so than Alina or the crows and besides, it’s canon that he comes back in KoS. But still I think they’ll go for the latter unfortunately and have Mal and Alina reconnect in the end. Eugh. I mean why even keep Mal around? But who knows! I never imagined that they’d change the ending for book 3 so much and hint at a corruption arc for Alina. That’s pretty ballsy! So…maybe? Maybe they’re down for a complete endgame change. I dunno, what do you think?

(Ok weird spoiler alert but spoiler alert for vampire diaries, roswell/roswell new mexico and shadowhunters books and shows ships and endgames. It'll make sense when you read it I promise.)

I think anything is possible. They did drastically change the ending of the third book for the show so that does kind of leave it up in the air. I do think that the showrunners are aware of how unpopular the ending was which likely influenced their decision, of course they can't say that. But I also think they are aware that malina is not a very popular ship that doesn't generate much or any buzz really, not like darklina and other ships on the show do. Its also worth noting that there are other shows that changed the end games from their book counter parts. The Vampire diaries books for example, as written by the og author, ends with stefan and elena together but the show went for a delena endgame, which I believe was the more popular ship. In shadowhunters Luke ends up with Maryse Lightwood in the show but in the books its Jocelyn he ends up with. Then you've got the Roswell books and tv shows who take the cake for swapping ships about all over the place. In the books Max ends up with Liz, Michael with Maria, and Isabel has something going on with Micheal's brother trevor who doesn't appear in the show. There are other love interests in the books that don't show up in the og show as well, nikolas, adam and cameron for example. Then you have the og show where the ships end kind of similar with max and liz, Micheal and maria but Isabel is married to Jesse although similar to isabel and trevor in the books Isabel and jessie though they love each other go their separate ways, there is also a whole romance between Max and Tessa who is a character that was not from the books. Honestly when it comes to the newer Roswell New Mexico series I don't know what's going on with it anymore because I stopped watching it like halfway through season 2, but that adds new ships as well like Alex and Michael. The point is when it comes to shows and ships you never know what they are going to do. Sometimes they stick with the books, sometimes they put characters that are in the books together but in different pairings and sometimes they invent whole new characters to act as love interests.

I don't know whether they will go for a darklina end game but I don't think its out of the question especially if they are going with the corruption arc for Alina. It really could go either way they could have Alina and darkling go down a darker path together but then both redeem themselves at the end by sacrificing themselves for ravka, it could be just Aleks sacrificing himself, it could be that Alina is redeemed and ends up with mal after all, after he's gone off and discovered himself. It really is a anything could go situation so I would say don't give up hope for a darklina endgame. I won't until I see the last scene of the last season.

Irregardless I do think the change at the end of season 2 is going to open the door for alot of darklina content which I am really excited about. I did like what you said about Alina pining for Aleks and revisiting the fountain, the war room, his chambers and playing with his rings, honestly I would love to see that. If she also thinks she keeps seeing him about the place or even dreams about him, it would be even better.

[altmusicposting]

Arcane: Intersection of Vibes and Meaning

In 2021, Netflix released an absolute bombshell of an animated show that fleshed out the backstories of some of the Champions (playable characters) of League of Legends from Riot games. As someone who's never played the game, I still enjoyed the show immensely. First of all, the art style is beautiful, and each character is well-crafted in appearance and mannerisms. With a 100% critic score on Rotten Tomatoes, a record sweep of 9 Annies (awards for animated shows), and being the only gaming series to win an Emmy, Arcane shattered expectations. The thing that I loved about it though, was how much there was to it. On the surface, the two main plotlines follow sisters Powder & Vi and inventors/scientists Jayce & Viktor. There is an overall comparison between Piltover, the ridiculously wealthy City of Progress, and its undercity, which has taken on its own name, Zaun. Beyond the obvious though, there is a strong sense of political commentary on wealth, policing, war, economics, and morality. There's so many moral gray areas, and the attention to detail is fantastic. But, this is a post about music.

Needless to say, I was very inspired by the show. In addition to the deeper connotations of the show, the aesthetics and general "vibes" of the show, it's cities, and characters were very strong. I decided to make a playlist that incorporated that duality. One that got you pumped but also got you thinking, as is my style I'm learning. For this assignment, I have linked an abridged version of that playlist (which is about 30 or so songs at this point) that I think gets the bulk of the jist across. I will say, the soundtrack used in the actual show is pretty solid in and of itself, and I recommend you listen to it as well. I did include two of the "official" songs in this mix, but most are just other songs that speak to both the surface and deeper levels of the show. I will say now though, I do focus more on the overall vibes, and the aesthetic of Zaun than of Piltover.

First up is Enemy, by Imagine Dragons ft. JID. This song was used as the title song for the show and honestly covers the feelings of the main characters, Jinx in particular, pretty well. The version used in the intro is the one linked above, and the official music video is linked below (spoiler alert for the video, if you don't know the show). There is also a version done without JID, where his rap is replaced by a bridge, but I personally prefer the version with him. Many of the characters in the show either are forced into, or willingly make decisions that turn them into the enemy in the eyes of someone else, even if they started on the same side. It is upbeat and high energy, but lonely and heartbreaking when you think about it too long, which is honestly fitting.

The second song on the list is Blood//Water by grandson. I don't really remember how I first found this song. It was most likely from one of the mixes Spotify makes for you based on what you listen to. I've listened to a few more of grandson's song since, and I like them all so far. In an interview with Audacity, grandson said "I think as we're confronted with more and more alarming headlines, and more and more of a sense of urgency, I think we all get more tribal." That idea comes through clearly in Arcane, the lines are so clearly drawn, too many mistakes have been made, too many people betrayed, promises broken, and damage done. There are people who still walk those lines and blur them though, which is interesting. The title, of course, also calls to mind the old saying "blood is thicker than water" and the arguments that go with it. Additionally, this song also keeps a high energy, headbangy musicality behind the seriousness of the lyrics (you'll notice a trend here).

Third is Go To War by Nothing More. The lyrics deal with war, obviously, but also trust and love, futility, and why people fight. Yes, this is another upbeat, heavy rock song with hard-hitting lyrics. I promise they're not all like this, but I like that kind of music a lot, and it fits. This fits with the show for reasons previously stated, which I will not repeat for the sake of keeping this moving.

Next is Enough by Ra ft. Dustin Bates of Starset. I found this song because Starset is a favorite band of mine, and I'm pretty sure I listened to their whole discography when I was on my last kick. This one is less energetic, and sounds more tired, like its carrying the weight of its lyrics. There is still passion and energy behind it though, especially during the chorus, because it is an outcry. There is a wondering of when and what will be enough that is mirrored somewhat in the show. However, I think this is moreso supposed to be a sentiment we have as a viewer, something we are brought to by seeing the individual and large-scale struggles in Arcane.

Following that is Mad Hatter by Melanie Martinez. And honestly, it just gave me such intense Jinx vibes I couldn't not include it. Jinx, one of the main characters, goes through a number of traumatic incidents, and suffers a lot of mental and emotional damage from it. She is what would be colloquially referred to as a "crazy" or "insane" character akin possibly to Harley Quinn. With Jinx though it exists in this weird back and forth state where she seems to question or reject her new persona sometimes and fully embrace it in others. This song seems to have that dilemma as well, with the lyrics switching between, "I'm not alarmed/so what if I'm crazy?/All the best people are," and "Doctor, doctor, please listen." There is also the line "poppin' poppin' balloons with guns," which is so very Jinx. The whole song has this very dark, creepy undertone hidden behind a sweet/fun melody, which is also, very Jinx.

Sixth is Daddy Issues by The Neighborhood. Honestly, this is mostly just in there because so many of the characters have trauma and/or problems, especially with regards to their parental/father figures. The refrain of "go ahead and cry little girl...I know that you got daddy issues," is also particularly fitting with Jinx and Vi.

The seventh song is Insane by Black Gryph0n and Baasik. This is actually a fan-made song about the character Alastor from Hazbin Hotel arriving in Hell. I chose to include it though, because I think the way the friendly/jazzy tune contrasts with the rather violent lyrics fits with the energy of the show, especially Jinx. Also, again, the reference to possible insanity. I am also realizing as I write this that a lot of the songs are vibes based on Jinx, which, as she's central to the show is probably fair.

The eighth song is Brittle by Icon for Higher. Oh look, another Jinx song. We are back to high energy rock/alternative songs, this time with lyrics about mental health. There are several moments in the show when Jinx is fighting against being perceived as weak, physically and mentally/emotionally. The lines "Maybe I have a tendency to snap on people telling me/"You fit inside this box we built, we know you better than yourself"/they're lying, they're lying, they're lying," especially evoke Jinx for me. There is also a distinct electronic, staticky element to the music itself that fits with both the steampunk vibe of both halves of the city and the glitchy, dissociative moments Jinx has.

Ninth is W.D.Y.W.F.M by The Neighborhood. The strange acronym stands for What Do You Want From Me, and I can see quite a few of the characters asking that, namely Jinx, Vi, and Jayce, as they are the most displaced in the show, trying to find out what the people in their lives want them to do/be. There is also a questioning of "maybe this is all that I can be," which fits with the themes of identity and station/class, and following lines question who's at fault for what has happened between the subjects in the song. This is another slower (relatively), pleading song. Emotions are at the forefront for this one.

However, in terms of emotional songs, number ten probably has W.D.Y.W.F.M. beat. Ten is It's Alright by Mother Mother. It's a song of reassurance, and understanding that sometimes people make mistakes, big and small. Pretty much all of the main characters need this. Like I said earlier, there is so much trauma, almost everyone needs a hug.

The last song in this abridged playlist is Misfit Toys by Pusha T and Mako. This is the other song from the soundtrack I've included. It is used to properly introduce one of my favorite characters (who I've not talked about yet) Ekko, The Boy Savior. He is working outside of the main adversaries, Piltover and Zaun, to create a more equal and safe community in the undercity. He is from and very much directly affected by the injustices imposed on the citizens of the undercity by Piltover and the heirarchy in Zaun. This song really encapsulates his third-party, justice at all costs angle, and is honestly just a bop.

As a collection, this (and the full playlist) will have you nodding, headbanging, in your feelings, and wanting to tear down the establishment. At least, that's how it makes me feel most of the time. If you find none of those options favorable, it makes a great playlist for working out or just feeling like a badass walking down the street. I hope this made you think about how music often blends making statements with creating a mood.

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

The Grey Wolves Series: Prince of Wolves

A review

I would like to preface this review with the fact that when I first read this series in highschool, I hyperfixated on it for several months. I was 15. I still believed myself to be cishet. Quite a bit has changed since then.......and now that I think about that was 9 years ago. Fucking hell.

This series is. Not good. I dont know much about Quinn Loftis' life (tho she did follow me on Twitter when I still had twitter) but from what I could gather is that shes a stay at home mom and very Christian. Not so Christian that she was anti Harry Potter. Im likely going to keep a twilight and Harry Potter reference counter as I reread this series.

This review will likely be a bit disjointed. I have never written a second draft for anything in my life and I dont plan to start now. This is mostly for fun and I likely have adhd and struggle to articulate my thoughts so. Fuck it.

From what I remember of this series there is. A lot going on. The first couple of books follow Jacquelyn and Fane. The next couple focus on one of Jacquelyn's best friends, Jen, and her love interest, Decebel. The next two on their third friend Sally and her love interest Colin. I'm actually pretty interested to see how much I actually remember of these books. All 3 girls are very much the stereotypical YA novel protagonist.

Unfortunately this series frequently uses the word g*psy for one of its supernatural types. As I wouldnt class these characters as Romani, I will be referring to them as "healers" after their initial introduction as I dont want to have to constantly type out g*psy and they ARE healers. (As far as I can remember, Sally is not Romani (and yes, spoiler alert, Sally is a healer), tho she IS one of the few, if not the only POC in this series. So....not great, Quinn).

I'll likely only review the first 6 or 7 books (I don't remember how many of them I got through exactly but definitely the first 6), tho according to Google there are now EIGHTEEN books in this series. I know she also had a spin off series about healers (I think I read part of the first book of that series). But holy shit. 18. Thats a lot of fuckin books for there being almost no fandom when the series was still at 10 books. She may not be a great writer but shes got passion and drive I'll give her that. And that's not even counting the spin off series. Of which there are 5 books. Or the 4 unrelated series she did before Grey Wolves. Goddamn shes been busy.

Im writing all of this BEFORE rereading the first book. But some reviews give a first impression which i cannot do as I read these books for the first time almost a decade ago. Also I kinda wanna see if I can summarize the books before I read them to see how much I remember, cuz again, this is for fun and testing my memory has always been fun for me (I used to be able to recite the entire plot of the 39 clues series from memory and I would do so often).

SO

Book One. Prince of Wolves.

Jacquelyn *last name redacted as I cant remember it* is a 17 (almost 18) year old girl about to go into her senior year of highschool. She lives in a small town in Texas with her single mom. Her dad walked out before she was born (or slightly after) and she doesn't know much about him. Her mom is *quirky*. She has two best friends named Jen and Sally. Jen is loud and vulgar and sarcastic while Sally is quiet and shy.

The neighbors across the street from Jacque are going to be hosting a foreign exchange student from romania this year. Jacque finds herself instantly drawn to this tall foreign boy with dark hair and "piercing blue eyes" and after making eye contact with him, begins to hear a voice in her head that she is SURE is his voice despite having never heard him talk before. Spoiler alert: she is correct!

The begin communicating through this psychic connection frequently. He teaches her how to shut him out so he's not hearing her every thought. He informs her that she is a werewolf!!! Or at the very least, half werewolf!!! They are True Mates™️, which is why they are able to communicate telepathically!!!

She goes into her yard to sun bathe and Fane gets Big Mad™️ as her True Mate™️ markings are on display which is a Big No No for werewolves. She doesn't know what the fuck hes talking about. She goes inside to discover what appears to be a tattoo on her (....side? I think? Perhaps on her back).

Jacque has MANY sleepovers at her house with jen and Sally to talk to them about all of these developments.

She eventually tells her mom and discovers!!! Her dad is a werewolf!!! But her mom is not so she and him couldn't have been True Mates™️ and its slightly hinted that he left because he found his True Mate™️ so even though he loved her, he could not stay away from his mate.

Jacque starts having dead animals left outside her house. At first she thinks its Fane doing a weird wolfy courting thing and gets understandably upset by this. Fane confirms that while it IS a wolfy courting thing, HE is not the culprit!

Apparently there is a pack in the area!!! And one of the wolves in this pack is interested in Jacquelyn!!! And Fane is intruding on their territory!!! And the alpha of the pack (a man in his mid to late 20s) is challenging Fane for his mate!!! The challenge is to the death!!! But don't worry!!! Fane is calling in his parents and their pack to help him handle this situation and keep Jacquelyn safe if he loses!!!

At this point they inform the family that fane is living with about what is going on. They are surprisingly chill about the whole thing. Even with having several of Fane's pack members stay with them. Theyre Very Cool People.

We meet Fane's parents. Vasile and Mina (I actually did look up Vasile's name as I kept wanting to call him Vlad and I knew THAT wasn't right)

[stuffthatswrongwme]

Adoption and Early Core Relationship Memories

aka my origin story. 

I won't detail how the first few years of life impact a child and the rest of their life because that's a whole body of research that I haven't explored, but I know it's significant (early parent/child interactions, skin to skin contact, all that jazz).

I was adopted from China when I was 13 months old. According to my parents, the orphanage I was in was pretty crowded. I got the impression that the ratio of care-takers to babies/children was not ideal. I was malnourished when my adoptive parents met me. Apparently once I was in their care, I quickly achieved a healthy weight and met developmental milestones adequately. 

Some of my earliest memories are of being very clingy, both to my parents and in friendships. I would often cry at the end of a playdate. When my best friend and next door neighbor moved away, I was devastated (though perhaps no more than any other child would have been). I only participated in overnight camps when my mom could be a chaperone. When I was in elementary school, there was a Fifth Grade Camp that I absolutely dreaded. As I got closer to being a fifth grader, that weekend away from my parents felt like impending doom. I ultimately went and enjoyed myself, but the first full day was very teary and emotional. 

I also had some volatile friendships in elementary school, and desperately wanted a “Best Friend”, in all its exclusivity. I found myself protective of my Best Friend when I had one, and jealous when they threatened to become Best Friends with someone else. I often found myself in a trio but always feeling like the third wheel. One of my earlier Best Friends did some particular damage to my fragile eight year old psyche. She was prone to giving me the “cold shoulder”, and I think the most frequent thing I said to her was “are you mad at me?” 

Sometimes the answer was no, sometimes the answer was yes. When it was a yes, it was my job to not only win her back, but figure out how to repent appropriately. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I got quite good at figuring out how to repent appropriately. (Spoiler alert, that has made the cognitive distortion of “mind reading” a speciality of mine.)

After elementary school, my friendships stabilized. The most common thread that followed me through high school and even early college was the wanting of a Best Friend- some semblance of exclusivity. What I really think I wanted (needed) was the security that I thought being prioritized would give me. 

Fast forward to my junior year of college. By this point, I acknowledged that I was “clingy” and “socially anxious”, but I didn’t know what to attribute that to. I didn’t see adoption as something that was particularly impactful on my life. I was 13 months old and didn’t remember a thing, how much could it impact my life? I met with a new therapist on campus, and after summarizing all of the above and indicating in our intake session that I have “no history of trauma”, he respectfully disagreed. “During the earliest formative portion of your life, you were raised with the expectation that your needs would not be met.” That phrase hit me like a train. While I don’t know the exact details of my time in the crowded orphanage, I'd say he was right. I'm sure I didn’t receive a whole lot of skin to skin contact from a caregiver. I’m sure there were times that my cries for food and attention were ignored, or at the very least, met inconsistently. That was the first time I made any connection between adoption and what I’ve now learned is Preverbal Trauma. 

I provided the anecdotes about my later childhood as core experiences that exacerbated the preverbal trauma, though I’m sure they are intertwined. That is, the abandonment anxiety probably made those experiences worse and vice versa. 

I’ll go into how the trauma of relinquishment, as I’ve heard some people prefer to call it, impacts my present life in subsequent posts. But as I discover in some new way every day, it’s everywhere. The most obvious place where my abandonment issues (et al) manifest is my attachment style and relationships- specifically, romantic relationships.

If this topic interests you, here are some videos that I found very helpful for validating and understanding my own experience

Lecture on Adoption by Paul Sunderland

Adoption 101 YouTube Playlist

[gameswithjohnathan]

John Does Metroid Prime

Nostalgia is a powerful tool, I find myself in its trap all the time...it's my only justification for being a Star Wars fan in this day and age, but every once in awhile I decide to delve into something old that earned a lot of hype in its hay day. As a self proclaimed 2D Metroid fan, eventually my time came to boot up Metroid Prime and see if the 3D entries were all they were cracked up to be.

Introductions aside, this Metroid plays it incredibly safe in its content because jumping to a first person shooter...is not a spot on anyone's bingo card for the series following Super Metroid...but it's the way they went and so they had to be damn sure that they didn't further alienate the players.

This leads us to a sequence with a brief tutorial in controlling Samus in the third dimension. You shoot some targets in a very Halo: Combat Evolved reminiscent tutorial section before descending through a space pirate base with one excellent piece of lore to set the time period: the space pirates have a log on board the ship detailing their perspective on the end of the original Metroid which sets it before the events of the second game. You proceed through this base and there's a boss fight...that probably impressed when the game released, but definitely doesn't hold up in the modern age. You strafe around the boss and shoot the gaps in its shield because why wouldn't you design a shield with 3 very large gaps that rotates very slowly to expose the thing inside?

Regardless of the tutorial boss, things get intense as the base throws up a 7-ish minute timer and tells you to make like a tree and get the hell out of there. So you're running through the base, with a few last minute traversal tutorials on items that you're about to lose before Samus hops in an elevator...and the explosion knocks away every single tool in her arsenal because the game would probably be awful if the difficulty of the first 3D Metroid game started at the endgame level and escalated from there before people had the chance to get the hang of the basic control scheme...but it's the dumbest excuse I've seen in the series for her losing all her gadgets. At least have the explosion seem more dangerous if it's going to completely destroy her suit that was strong enough to destroy the space pirate base on Zebes, ya dinguses.

And then we land on Tallon 4 in a 3D interpretation of the Super Metroid landing zone, despite being on different planets and I'm all for it, since I've never played a 3D Metroid game before. I honestly don't remember this zone much at the beginning, though...probably should've taken more notes, but it takes off when you get to the Chozo Ruins a few doors down.

I'm going to call it here for now. Next time, I'll be discussing the Chozo Ruins and why I hate Magmoor Caverns....spoiler alert, one of them had fantastic music and the other one had a stupid morph ball section with bugs that caught you and spit you out backwards to keep you from progressing. Until then: later, dudes

[dreamwritesimagines]

Burn The Witch 2 - First Impressions [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful support and feedback to the first chapter my loves ! ❤ Here’s chapter 2, I hope you like it as well and please let me know what you think! ❤ Thank you! ❤❤❤

Word Count: 2500

Warnings: Mentions of blood, sex, violence, death, manipulation, language.

Summary: First impressions can be wrong.

Chapter 1 

Being a spy for years had taught you to be able to tell whether a mission would be dangerous or not before they even sent you there.

For example, the mission they had put you on three years ago where you had to poison the target in a very crowded ballroom while pretending to be an artifacts expert was a dangerous one.

Or five years ago when you had quite literally brought a dagger into a gun fight in a storage unit, that was also quite dangerous.

But something told you that going after Bucky Barnes would be the most dangerous mission you’d ever had so far, and you weren’t even going to be engaged in a fight.

Instead you were expected to make him fall in love with you, which-

To be honest, engaging in a fight would’ve been much easier.

“This is unacceptable.” Your best friend paced in the empty conference room while you nibbled on the chocolate, keeping your eyes on your phone. “You should’ve said no.”

“I can’t say no, it’s a mission.”

“No, it’s my father treating you like a—like a—“ she threw her hands up, “Honey trap!”

You shrugged your shoulders, scrolling down on the screen but then looked up when she snapped her fingers in front of your eyes.

“Y/N!”

“Chloe if I nail this mission, I’ll get the position I want. I could be a handler next year, do you know how big that is?”

“You need to stop pretending like you’re fine with this.”

“You’re sending me the files tonight right?” you asked, ignoring her huff of impatience and she sat down, crossing her arms.

“Yes,” she said, “Everything there is to know about Bucky Barnes is in there, lots of things you could use. I gathered it myself. His past, his interests back then, what he has been doing since he got here, his favorite porn, his favorite musicians—“

“I’m sorry, what was that last one?”

“His favorite musicians?” she played dumb, grinning and you shifted your weight.

“You wouldn’t do that background check on me, would you?”

Her grin widened as she wiggled her brows, “Just so you know, you’re such a cliché.”

“Jesus Christ.” You slipped a little in your seat, your cheeks burning, “I hate you so much.”

“No you don’t,” she sang and you tried to focus on the screen, but the door to the conference room opened, gathering your attention. Your jaw dropped as soon as you saw the figure stepping inside and you jumped on your feet as Chloe gasped.

“Keith?”

Keith was the third member of your small friend group. He was a field agent just like you were, and for years you, Chloe and Keith had always had each other’s backs, in or outside of missions.

Back at the academy you were inseparable and it had been months since you had last seen him.

“Figured I’d find you two here,” he said, “I just followed the scent of despair.”

“I thought you were still in Prague!” You rushed to hug him and he ruffled your hair before you batted his hand away.

“I was but I got called in at 5 in the morning. General’s orders.”

“It was about time my father did something right.” Chloe came to kiss his cheek, making him grin, “Gosh, it’s so good to have you back!”

“Good to be back, gorgeous,” he lifted her up in a hug before setting her down as she squealed, “I missed you.”

Your jaw dropped when you saw the file in his hand, “Hold on. Is that what I think it is?”

“It could be,” he told you, “That is, if you’ll have me in your mission.”

“The best news I got since I landed.” You pumped your fist in the air “Yes! Yes I do want you in the mission!”

“So then,” he said as he sat beside you and put his feet up on the table while you leaned back, “Is what I heard true?”

“Yes and you need to tell her she’s being ridiculous,” Chloe motioned at you and Keith pursed his lips.

“I just thought we put this whole honey trap thing behind us back in 1950s.”

“Exactly!”

“Guys come on, if Accords pass—screw that, even if they don’t pass, think about how we can use Barnes.”

Keith clicked his tongue, tilting his head.

“Will we use him more than we’re using you right now?” he asked and you rolled your eyes, grabbing the file in his hand.

“Your alias is Whistler this time?”

“Yep,” he nodded, “General says yours is Shrike?”

“Mm hm.”

“Considering what this Barnes mission entails, I’m surprised he didn’t call you Swallow.”

You kicked at his boot and he let out a laugh, holding his hands up.

“What? That was the terminology back in the day for agents seducing people for the mission, wasn’t it? Raven for guys, swallow for girls.”

“Hilarious,” you deadpanned and Chloe sat on the table, still pouting.

“You’re both fine with this then?”

“Chloe, the guy was around in World War 2,” you said patiently, “If I don’t want to sleep with him, I’ll just tell him I’m waiting for marriage, it’s probably not a foreign concept for him, old times and all. Happy?”

She arched a brow, “If you say so,” she said, “But you know there are examples of undercover agents falling for their targets, right? Especially in situations like these.”

Keith chuckled, “Yeah, that’d make a great story for your grandchildren.”

“Except that I wouldn’t get to have those grandchildren because I’d be killed.”

“Don’t say that!”

“Just let me know beforehand if the Winter Soldier decides to make an honest woman out of you,” Keith said and you stuck your tongue out at him.

“Look at you, making jokes.”

“I’m a funny guy, thank you very much,” he said, “So what are we doing tonight?”

“Killing some Hydra scum,” you said, “There’s this gallery opening, apparently evil guys love art nowadays. Who knew?”

“You need a spotter?”

“Sure thing.”

“After you guys are done killing that target, can we hang out?” Chloe asked, “We need to catch up.”

“Only if I get to pick the movie,” Keith made a face, “I don’t trust your taste after the last time.”

“10 Things I Hate About You is a classic!”

“Do you want to hear the one thing I hate about you, Chloe? Spoiler, it’s your taste in movies.”

“Play nice, kids,” you said, skimming the lines on the screen and Chloe huffed.

“Fine. And after that, we can work on the seduction mission.”

“You’re in on that as well?” Keith asked and Chloe nodded.

“Duh.”

“Look at us, Charlie’s Angels is back.” Keith said, “Wait, does that mean General is Charlie?”

You supressed a laugh and shook your head fondly, looking at Keith.

“I missed you, asshole.”

“Missed you too, trouble.”

                                                       ***

Working for the division you did had its advantages, and it never stopped to surprise you how you could always get the newest gadgets before going on missions. Chloe had installed certain features into your “sniper costume” as she put it, and one of them was a ring that would call the nearby agents of your team to your location, and the other one was a ski mask that was both bulletproof and could change your voice.

“Batman does it, why not you?” she had said before making you try it.

“Shrike, ma’am?” Keith’s voice echoed in your ear and you adjusted your earpiece before checking the harness around your waist, just in case you needed to jump off the building. Your team was already in position if you were in any way compromised, and you started setting your sniper rifle.

“Since when do you call me ma’am?” you asked Keith and he chuckled.

“Since they put you in charge of a team.”

“Don’t listen to him, guys,” you said to the rest of the team and took a look at the city lights, taking a deep breath.

Rooftops were always peaceful, even when you were holding a sniper rifle.

“ETA of the target?”

“Two minutes.” Keith said and you pressed your lips together, pointing the rifle at the entrance of the gallery, looking through the scope.

“So I think I found a movie for tonight,” Keith said as you shook your head slightly, trying to focus.

“Later.”

“James Bond?” he asked, “We can take a shot every time the movie gets something wrong about being a spy. We’ll probably be hammered by the end of the night.”

“One minute, Shrike.” One of the agents said and you exhaled through your mouth, your finger on the trigger.

“No seriously, don’t you guys like James Bond? I think it’s because of that movie I chose this line of work, but—“ Keith was cut off when you pulled the earpiece out of your ear to have a moment of silence so that you could concentrate when the target arrived, but as soon as you grabbed the rifle again, you heard the familiar sound of someone racking the slide of a gun, followed by a calm voice.

“Easy there,” he said, “Put the rifle down.”

You cursed at yourself in your head, then withdrew your hands from the rifle. Your earpiece was off, meaning that no one in your team could hear you, and you checked whether you could grab the gun from him, but he wasn’t standing close enough.

Professional.

You held up your hands, then slowly turned to see who was threatening you before your heart dropped to your stomach.

Damn it.

This was definitely not the way you were supposed to meet Bucky Barnes.

Thankfully you were wearing a ski mask, so your identity wouldn’t be compromised and the next time you met him, you could pretend.

And he would be none the wiser.

You pressed on the ring Chloe had given you to alert the others, keeping your eyes on the barrel of the gun.

“I thought I saw a glimpse of a scope.”

“Congratulations,” you deadpanned, trying to stall so that your team could get there, “You want a watch as a prize? A refrigerator?”

He looked almost surprised at your snarky comment and you shrugged your shoulders.

“Listen, it’s my target. So if you want to kill him, too bad. I was here first, early bird and all that, shoo.”

Even you could see his confusion that lasted for a second and a small smile pulled at your lips.

“Ah. You don’t know who my target is.”

“I know I’m not going to let you kill someone in a pretty crowded gallery.”

“Even if it’s some Hydra scum?” you asked and he pulled back.

“What?”

You stole a look at the entrance of the gallery over your shoulder as the limo pulled over.

“Mm hm. You really shouldn’t be stopping me Barnes. We got this, you can go and play the superhero with Wilson.”

“You know who I am.”

“Everyone knows who you are,” you stated, making him pause for a moment.

“I didn’t catch your name.”

You tut tutted, “Don’t be greedy.”

“Well, how do I know you’re not lying about your target if you can’t even give me your name?”

“Why would I lie about my target?”

“So that I would let you shoot him.”

“Aw, you’re cute,” you taunted him, tilting your head, “But I don’t recall asking for your permission.”

He stared at you for a couple of seconds.

“Who are you?” he asked and you grinned as you heard the footsteps coming closer.

“Until next time, soldier.” You said as the team burst through the door, guns blazing. He turned around to point his gun at the agents, immediately taking cover as you picked up the rifle again.

It was time to get back to work.

You looked through the scope, found the target and pulled the trigger, blood splattering over the walls and chaos erupted over the street instantly, people screaming and running everywhere. You looked over your shoulder to see your team managing to keep Barnes busy with the constant gunshots, then you checked the harness around your waist again and jumped over the roof to land on top of the car waiting for you in the street. The rope went up to the roof as you unbuckled it and got into the car, pulling the ski mask off your face.

“You weren’t compromised, right?” Keith asked and you shook your head.

“I’m not an amateur,” you said as he stepped on the gas, the car breezing through the road. 

“You don’t look so happy,” Keith said after taking a look at you and you pursed your lips together, deep in thought.

“He didn’t take me hostage.”

“Hm?”

“When the team burst through the door and I turned around to kill the target. He’s a super soldier, he could’ve grabbed me, use me as a leverage to get out of there. That’s what I’d do but he didn’t attack me or the team, he took cover.”

“So?”

“Keith, it’s the fucking Winter Soldier we’re talking about. He can kill a team of agents in seconds, but I bet he just got out of there. Without hurting anyone.”

“Maybe he’s just a good person.” Keith chuckled and you slipped a little in the seat, biting at your fingernails.

“I guess.”

“Would it be so bad?”

“It would make no difference,” you muttered, keeping your eyes on the city lights, “Good person or not, he’s my mission.”

“Clearly, but aren’t you going to feel just a little guilty if he ends up being a good guy?”

You scoffed a laugh and turned to him.

“I’m no use to anyone if I develop a guilty conscience,” you stated, “Much less to myself. You know that.”

A silence fell upon the car before he heaved a sigh.

“Listen, Chloe has a point as always,” he said, “These kind of missions are hard, okay? The longer you’re playing your part, the easier it will be to believe it. Feelings get involved, there are bunch of agents who ended up hesitating when it was time to bring their target in, so if you—“

“I won’t hesitate.”

“Y/N.”

“I won’t hesitate,” you repeated, “I swear. The minute this mission is over, I’ll bring him in. Orders are orders.”

Keith let out a whistle, “If you say so.”

You bit inside your cheek and leaned your head on the window, fixing your gaze outside.

“Considering the lack of alternatives,” you rasped out, “Yeah. Yeah I do say so.”  

Chapter 3 

[sidestepping]

❛ my heart scares you and a gun doesn’t? ❜ for any fhr-related characters that inspire you!

I actually had an old spoiler-full WIP for this one so this was my excuse to go back to it and do a polished spoilerless version, thank you! This is a bad scenario for Sas (my third Sidestep) and Chen, + TW for huh, murder.

(find all the other snippets here)

─ ─ ─

You don’t move, really. You don’t even blink.  You stare down the barrel of the gun.  You feel the heaviness of it in his palm, and none of its coldness. No human warmth from the nanomesh skin, no strain on the wrist joint. He could stay like this all day.  You can too.  You can hear yourself breathe, slowly, softly. You’re still calm. Still. Steel.  He is not. “Saskia. Please…,” he says. Blaze is panting on the ground. Wei’s heart beats too fast, alert. His mind bubbling like photographic film on a hot plate. The throbbing in your ears is not your blood; it must be his. Pumping, expanding, rushing like the sea. Like the sea too, the darkness of his eyes, swallowing a shipwreck of dread and distrust and catastrophe.  You wish you could take a step closer. Clasp him to you. Held close, held fast. You wish for the weight, its realness. You could sink there like his shadow; cool, and dark, barely real, barely true. But there’s a gun between you, and an enemy at your feet. An objective to meet. Your mind settles, crystallises, hard as ice. Against its walls Wei’s thoughts are still spreading, mounting, slow and thick, dark and gray, an omnipresence, reaching out, advancing on the field you control. This is his mistake. He should have come in the armor, the one you remember; the one that haunts your nightmares.  Protected against dangerous threats. Against powerful telepaths. “Step aside,” you say quietly.  “No.” “I will do it, whether you like it or not.” Something flashes across his face; something too gentle for its hardness, a flickering. “Please. Don’t hurt him. He’s done nothing wrong. He’s my friend.” You stay silent. The ache has lodged itself in your chest, but that’s alright. That’s still far; far from your mind. You can silence it. “Please,” he says again, and it’s as potent as a touch. “If not for him, for me.”

“Don’t.” Your voice might have trembled. You’re ashamed of it; you don’t wince, but the trembling stays inside your mouth and makes it supple, vulnerable, a disequilibrium akin to cotton wool pain after a too-straight punch. You keep your voice very low, very slow, steadying every syllable on the tip of your tongue : “Don’t ask me that. I don’t want to talk anymore, Wei.” “Afraid of what I have to say, but not of the gun in my hand?” Of course you are. You don't want this to hold you back, but you know, you see how it does. You look towards Blaze. He’s already done for: tied up on his hands and knees, bleeding, half-conscious. His thoughts are only red, circling the pain in his ribs, the draining of his lungs. Wei doesn’t want to see—Wei won’t understand. He looks at Blaze through the narrow tunnel of intimacy, a rush, a lie. He sees someone redeemable, someone lost—someone who made a mistake. He’s wrong. You gave him a chance. You opened the way. Blaze made his choice. Sold to the system, lost to justice. He can never be trusted, not when you showed him the truth and he still chose the lies.  Rotten.  Corrupt. You did everything you could. When a limb’s gangrened, someone has to cut it off. There’s no turning back. You lower your gaze; you look at the ground of your lair, clean and dark. You can see your hands, relaxed, motionless. Your calves and feet, all clad in black, and Wei’s work legs, worn and naked, beautiful in the sharp angle of the weaved adductor. You wish, again. You wish for him and stay in place. Under the thick coat of his mind, your walls thaw slowly, and liquify, and melt into his. Dark with dark, heavy as mud; moving, slow, moving, fast. You nod. “You’re right. I’m not afraid of the gun.” Because the gun can become yours. All of a sudden Wei’s arm whips all the way back on its joint and the gun goes off—once; Wei cries out; twice.  You gaze down at Blaze. Two shots—one in the head, one in the throat. Wei doesn’t look; he stays there, with his arm turned back, and his shoulders shaking, and he looks at you, and from his mouth no sound. You harden yourself against the stinging of your eyes. They burn painfully when you find his. “I’m sorry,” you whisper. “It had to be done.” But you hear—his heart, his heart baying in your minds, so loud and fast and wet it deafens you like a swell. Like a swell.  Like a swell.

[analviel]

Idea: ReverseRobins!Damian wakes up in the body of canon!Damian.

Details:

>In both worlds, Tim is Red Robin and Jason is Red Hood.

>Tim in Reverse Robins don't kill people, he maims them, with the belief that without limbs, they're unable to hurt people and can focus on regaining their sanity that way (he died by killing himself after being turned into Joker Jr). "They can regain their minds without their limbs. Especially without their limbs."

>And unlike Lazarus!Jason, his main emotions isn't anger, but apathy. Doesn't care for anything that isn't his Mission. If you get in his way is the only time he'd give you attention.

>Rr Jason took on the name of the Red Hood because it won't be traced back to the Bats (same reason canon!Tim wore Red Robin).

>Damian's reaction to Tim's death hadn't been to retreat, but to lash out. It was a... very bloody few months for Gotham and Bludhaven.

>Rr Tim never went out of his way to try to kill Rr Jason because he, just, doesn't care. But Jason tried to stop him once from brutally maiming someone and the consequences was... bloody, to say the least.

>Rr Tim kind of totally blackmailed Bruce into being his official guardian after both his parents died in Haiti (because Bruce wasn't there to slap the poison from Jack).

>Rr Damian finds it very weird that Jon is younger than him here.

>Because there were already other kid fighters before Rr Tim entered the picture, and he never expressed interest in specializing in combat, Rr Tim had been the sort of Oracle of the Rr Bats, doing most of what Alfred does in the cave so the old butler can focus more on maintaining the manor and also just lightening his burden. He only has Robin sometimes and is mostly trained for mid to long range (because unlike Damian, Steph, and Duke, he didn't come with street fighting experience and since he never pushed, Bruce was fine letting his sort of son do his thing in the background, primarily trained in dodging -Not that it helped him with Harley's mallet, Damian bitterly thinks).

>When ReverseR Tim came back from the League though, he knew how to fight close combat (a Chinese war sword I think is the name of the weapon I'm thinking) which is the main reason the Bats didn't recognize him immediately.

>ReverseR Stephanie was paralyzed and started handling the comms and the medical stuff. She's a med-student but probably has more know how than doctors twice her age. She was Batgirl first then became Spoiler when she pass it on to Cass. Because "Spoiler alert, there's a guy coming up to your ten and Penguin is having his unboxing of some sick weapons".

>Jealousy did get in the way of Rr Damian and Tim's relationship but it had gotten better. The last time they saw each other before Tim was ambushed by the New villain Harley Quinn on the way back home, Damian had thrown him out, tired of people trying to make him feel better after something happened to Jon. (I'm tempted to deage Jon as his canon was aged up.....).

>Rr Jason uses guns and it's allowed because his big brother is Damian.

>Just as Dick set the tone for the following Robins, Damian did the same for his Robin (Hoods). Just as Thirteen Jason had been a much happy and peppy kid than Nineteen year old Dick Grayson, Thirteen Tim is much more like Bruce than Nineteen Damian, so the friction mostly came from there. Also Ra's liked Tim a bit too much so there's also that....

>Rr Damian is absolutely the aloof helicopter parent. Which does sound contradictory, but he makes it work. Rr Damian and Rr Jason have their own version of Dick and Tim's relationship closeness. (The flaw in this is that he's like Bruce in that... if he believes its good for you, he can convince himself he doesn't need to get your consent. He knows better.)

>Rr Jason and Cass are very close but disagree quite a lot. You can always find them bickering. From who's the older one to who gets shotgun in the Batmobile, to things like morals and which classics actually deserve to be burned.

>Talia tossed Jason in the Lazarus but Rr Tim had been healed by Ra's.

>Rr Tim had been tortured same amount of time as Tim Todd, and he also had that chip. Only difference, he'd also been programmed into following Joker's orders to the letter. "Kill him JJ!!" "No! Tim, don't be a killer."

Tim can't kill Bruce. He also can't kill Joker.

There were only three 'hims' in that room.

"Kill him JJ!"

The only reason I want Damian to be there at the scene, like, just a few seconds late, is because I want flashbacks. Then again, he can also just watch the same recording Bruce probably tortures himself by watching too.

>Pre-Jason death was Bruce, Alfred, Dick, and Barbie. Pre-RrTim death was Bruce, Alfred, Damian, Duke, Cass, Steph.

>Young Justice happened too but Tim just had Superboy and Impulse wear cameras and comms. Tho Tim still met Bart personally in civilian. And steadily drawn out eventually for him to appear in person more.

>Not really Bat related, but Kon has a much better reception with Jon excited for a baby brother.

>Rr Dick is A.DO.RA.BLE. And kept far, far away from Rr Tim.

>Rr Barbara is the third Batgirl after Cass becomes Black Bat and Jason is Red Hood.

>During the Bruce is dead (in the Reverse Robins-verse), there is no Battle of the Cowl (duh, no matter what world Tim still wouldn't seek it out without sound and desperate reasons and Damian had literally spent his whole life assurinb his stake on it)(it still happened in canon-verse tho), but I don't know if I want RR!Damian to Possess canon!Damian before, after, or during it. They fully believe that Rr Bruce is dead until Rr Jason's path cross with Rr Tim and Tim.... hmmm, he genuinely doesn't care, so I wonder how and why he's going to drop a hint. This time, Tim knows because he'd seen some ancient records in the League but Tim didn't really pursue that. He wants something from Jason in exchange, and after that hint, Jason then goes on his trip around the world for proof he barely believes is there but can't help but hope. He does not tell Damian because he's not going to give the blood son possible false hope. And also I'm not sure the difference in how Damian would've handled the Robin debacle since Dick wouldn't take it from his big brother, but Kid Dick is a very angry vengeful little shit that really wants to go kill Tony Zucco so.... Jason was probably guilted/forced into passing it on for the kid's sake and there's just a tiny, tiny bit of bitterness.

>And i also want a scene where canon!Tim and Rr!Jason share a commiserating look after having to deal with this shitshow of a family and their respective predecessors' shit.

To elaborate: Timeline is further along in canon. So Reverse Robins are still around dead/lost!Bruce while canon!verse is sometime after they've retrieved Bruce and Dick is out of the Cowl.

[interact-if]

The A/PI Heritage Month interviews are coming to a close soon! For Day 8, we have lovely Aster! :chinhands:

Aster, author of Nevermoore

A/PI Heritage Month Featured Author

They say that curiosity killed the cat, but it won’t be satisfaction that’ll be bringing you back. Again. And again. And again.

The simple act of visiting your parents turns into something much more than what you were expecting when your car suddenly breaks down in the middle of nowhere, and you find yourself right beside a small town that’s engulfed by the trees.

Some of the residents you met right away were welcoming enough, happy to try and lend a helping hand when they can. But their smiles seemed more apologetic than happy, and their eyes looked at you with regret.

You never really did understand why that was…

Until you died.

So now, you are an unwilling participant in an endless cycle of death and resurrection. And the more you learn about the bloodstained history of the town and the past of its people, the more you'll get tangled up in a web of secrets that threatens to keep you there forever.

So welcome, newcomer… to Nevermoore.

(INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT!)

Q1: First of all, introduce us to your project! What is it about?

Nevermoore is planned to be is a supernatural story wrapped in a little horror bow about a cursed town that’s both lost to the trees and lost to the ages. Relatively normal lives can still happen there...well, as normal as it gets when not only is aging put to a pause, but dying isn’t even a permanent thing. And the duration of the stay, as far as the town is concerned, is forever.

And unsurprisingly, these effects of the town are barely half of the secrets and mysteries that it holds...But the question is, does the latest new resident that ‘accidentally’ stumbled across it (spoiler alert that’s you) really wants to know what they are?

...Perhaps some things are just better left forgotten.

Q2: If it’s not too spoilery, what are you most excited about your project?

Oh, there’s so many scenes and reveals I want to get to already that it’s hard to choose! But if I had to be specific, the one I’m most excited in writing out is Sterling’s (an RO) backstory! I don’t mean to play favorites or anything, but I like to think that their backstory as having the most Hollywood movie levels of drama and intrigue.

Sterling was honestly the first character I made for this story, even before the MC, so I can’t help myself in having some fun with this!

Q3: What inspired the current project you’re working on?

Believe it or not, Nevermoore’s first iteration was supposed to be a very specific, very self-indulgent AU fanfic of this piece of media I was into back in like, 2014? The drafts of that had remained in my Google Drive, unchanged and unworked on, that is until about two years ago when I discovered the wide, diverse world of interactive fiction.

Inspired to create a story to share with others, I ended up reviving those old documents. The plot and the characters had to be massively overhauled to make it more my own of course, and some inspiration was also been taken from shows like Stranger Things and Dark for their eerie and secretive small-town aesthetics.

Q4: Do you pull from your own identity for inspiration? How has that been reflected in your work?

...Admittedly, not so much. It was an embarrassingly lack of foresight on my part (as a first generation Filipino-Canadian), because it somehow never occurred to me that I can, in fact, add characters who are like me into my own writing. Well, lesson learned. Good news is that I already have some side characters planned who’ll be Filipinothat will show up later on in Nevermoore’s demo, as well as have a Filipino RO in a future wip. The latter of which I am very excited about!

With that being said, I will share that MCs parents in the story are actually loosely based on my own parents who were Filipino immigrants! I won’t elaborate on what parts, but I’m planning on integrating some more of their personalities in the upcoming patch. I really want dedicate those characters to them, since they’ve already sacrificed so much to bring me and my sibling here in Canada to have a better life! :)

Q5: What’s been your experience so far? With writing, with the if community...

There’s no doubt in my mind that getting involved with the IF community has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, despite being incredibly internet shy at first. I’m glad to have meet so many amazing IF writers and readers, and I definitely wouldn’t have gotten as far as I did with my projects if it weren’t for our constant support, help, and hype for each other.

This community has been so wonderful and welcoming, and I can’t wait to see it grow even more!

Q6: Do you have any future projects in the works?

At least three so far, actually! Nothing is fully established yet, just some concepts and vibes. But the genres are high-fantasy, postapocalyptic-ish, and sci-fi.

The first is about a character who’s an aspiring writer (heh) that suddenly finds themselves ‘isekaied’ into the fantasy world of the still-incomplete book they were working on. The second is about an immortal from the dawn of humanity trying to live through the endof humanity ft. zombies(?). And the third is about a volunteer of a cryosleep experiment gone wrong and ends up waking up 1000 years in the future instead. It seems here that my brain won’t let me rest and is telling me to try my hand in as many genres I can haha!

Q7: Finally, what piece of advice would you give to fellow authors?

This is advice that I still have to work on following myself but: Don’t stress too much on your first drafts, it’s called that for a reason! Focus on getting the basic ideas/dialogues/etc down and don’t be afraid to write ‘badly’, since there’s always time for you to polish it into something you’re happy with later on!

Otherwise, you’ll only get into this cycle of editing the same sections over and over, and that can burn you out before you even have the chance to work on the parts you’re actually excited for!

[omiscurls]

omi doesn’t like flowers

sakusa kiyoomi x gn!reader fluff

 cw: the reader has a little sibling, i hope nobody minds, there’s one line of very slightly implied nsfw, you won’t even notice

meant for kiyoomi’s birthday! happy b-day to my favorite boy <3 

one of the first things you’ve learnt about your boyfriend, even before your relationship started, is that he rarely shared personal information with anyone. he’d go as far as put up a fake birthday on his social media to avoid the awkward wishes and tons of yet another gifts from fans he so didn’t like going through. apart from that, there was a lot of weird things going on with birthdays, in his opinion: for instance people automatically thinking about zodiac sign or assuming other things, insisting to have a party, (a surprise one was his biggest nightmare) and a whole lot of other stuff he found appalling.

so it was just simply easier to say his birthday is “mid november” and get on with his life as if he didn’t just straight up lie. and truth be told, many times had you heard that “oh, in summer” or “right before christmas” before you got to know the truth. it wasn’t that easy on its own, but ever since his first little white lie, you knew he wasn’t true with you, and kept insisting, until he finally pulled you to the side and told you his real date of birth, the one only komori, atsumu, and, as he used to say, “unfortunately” his family knew.

march 20th was the date, and since you wanted to tease him, a grin appeared on your face before you mumbled “so a pisces, huh?” and earned a glare so cold and deadly, you visibly shivered before apologizing.

the next thing you learned about him and his birthday, was that he was picky about gifts. which went well with that “i’m an old fashioned gentleman” facade, because he could just say “oh, you don’t have to buy me anything. your company will be enough” with a slight smile he’d practice for years, and people thought he was just being humble and polite. spoiler alert: he wasn’t. he just didn’t want to deal with his own pickiness, and explaining to people what precisely would he like to get was too much trouble, and took away the magic of it even for someone as blunt as kiyoomi sakusa.

it’s not like birthdays were such a big deal for him, anyway, he didn’t need any gifts or parties to celebrate the fact that he just got one year older. what was so fun about that? but like the pain in the arse you were, you kept asking him what he wanted for the occassion way before he asked you out, and he hated it, but not more than he hated the way his heart jumped at the possibility of getting something you spent your time on. 

the first year of your friendship, you got to know the basic thing: omi doesn’t like gifts. gifts make him uncomfortable, he didn’t know what to say, how to act, what to do with it... does he open it right then and there, or wait, but why would he immediately thank someone if he doesn’t even open it? schroedinger’s cat: if he doesn’t open it, it might as well be thin air inside the box.

it was confusing, and weird. you also learnt that it was all caused by the fact that no one was in the house to celebrate young omi’s birthday back in his childhood days, since his parents were working and his siblings long away in college, so he just assumed it was a holiday to be overlooked and not dwelled too much on, and got so used to it, that now it bothered him to be in the center of attention for once. 

the third thing you learnt that year: it was almost impossible to find him a good enough gift, at least from your perspective. you spent literal hours at the store, looking at the different things he might’ve wanted, but nothing caught your eye. you called all his friends, yet he hadn’t mentioned the thing he’d like to anyone, not even komori. so you decided you’d go with instinct and remembered one cold morning when he showed up to practice grumpier than usual, and when he was asked what’s wrong, he answered:

“i woke up late and didn’t have time to make coffee”, half mumbling, half actually speaking, eyes too tired to be annoyed, legs slowly sweeping one before another as if he was forced to come here. And that’s where you got your idea. 

His first birthday with you, being his 21st, had started terribly, because it was wishes from his family. He’d told you multiple times he’d rather have them forget that send those copied off the internet lines that mean less than a “go fuck yourself” 

later on atsumu insisted or telling everyone and it took poor omi more than twenty minutes to convince him not to, and as both the setter and the spiker weren’t in their top moods nor form, MSBY lost a match they had that day. so all he wanted to do march 20th 2017 when he came home was to lay flat on his couch and play with his dog’s fur while watching a crappy TV show. he most definitely didn’t expect you sitting in front of his apartment’s door, tired, almost asleep. 

he sighed, approching you and slightly nudging your foot with his, making you shake your head and look up. 

“you’re back!” you said with a smile, and he raised an eyebrow. 

“and you look like a homeless person” he responded upsentmindedly, avoiding you to reach the door lock. only after you got up did he see a small package you held behind your back. “it’s not a right day to be celebrating me, y/n” he added, opening his apartment’s door and letting you in with a hand gesture. you went inside, not for the first time ever, but every time the feeling was the same, intimidating and cold. 

“why do you think that?” you said, taking off your shoes and putting them on a rack, and turning around to see him navigate you to the bathroom. you placed your bag and the gift on the floor before following his steps. 

“didn’t you see the match? i fucked up big time” he chuckled ironically, looking at himself in the mirror, and you could witness the disappointment and anger in his eyes. 

“so every time you guys win and you get the credit, you say that volleyball is a team sport, but if you loose, suddenly it’s your fault?” you smirked, but to your surprise he nodded. 

“precisely”. 

“well, regardless, it’s a minor set back. you’re still the best they make” you tried to cheer him up, but only received an eye roll in return. “aaaand, you’re a birthday boy today!”

“don’t remind me” he sighed, walking over to the kitchen to see what he can make for dinner for himself and his uninvited guest, meanwhile you grabbed your gift and walked up right behind him, tapping his shoulder lightly. 

“happy 21″ you whispered, a slight, soft smile on your lips, as you handed him the package. he looked at you with a tired look in his eyes. 

“you know i’m not the biggest fan of gifts” 

“just open it, grumpy face” you whined, and he gently took it from you, placing it on the counter and carefully unwraping it, to see a thermal mug. he sent you a questioning look, before you explained “you were complaining about not having enough time to drink coffee before leaving, right? well now you don’t have to drink it before leaving” 

there was silence for a long while before he looked up from the mug and gave you the softest smile you’ve ever seen. “that’s so thoughtful of you” he said, and laughed a tiny bit, probably to cover his emotion, which obviously didn’t work “thank you.”

omi likes thoughtful gestures. 

over the second year of your friendship, as he and his career gained more recognition from the public, he was “forced”, as he’d reffer to it, to share such a personal information that is his birthday date. the managers always claimed that it’s not a big deal, that it’s just gonna be added to the oficial page and his wikipedia, but judging from the amount of gifts atsumu, bokuto and hinata always received, he had his reason to doubt that. 

and as it turned out, he was right. 

because starting from march 10th, his personal mailbox as well as the oficial MSBY’s mailbox has been FLOODED with different things that he really had no energy to go over. and so, he invited one of his best friends to help. 

so it was late at night on march 19th, and you were both sitting on the floor of his apartment, a mess of ripped wrapping paper all around you, loads of different stuff laying on the table, as you still had a lot of things to open. 

“what even is the point in sending presents to someone you’ve never met? i mean less to them than their neigbour’s dog and yet i’m the one getting gifts? this is messed up” he kept on complaining, opening another package. 

“it’s called being famous, sakusa-kun. you mean very much to people you’ve never met, because your journey to where you are now inspires them to keep going on their path until they reach their dreams” you said with a smile, confident it’ll ease his worries, but it didn’t. 

“don’t know if i consider being in the Jackals my dream, though”

“you mean, you don’t think being a key player in a division one team is not a dream come true?” you asked, shocked. 

“no, no, of course i think it is, i’d never thought i’d reach this far, but, there’s more things to be done, it’s not like i’m an accomplished person just yet” 

that, you found interesting. 

“really? than what are your dreams, sakusa?” you asked in a low voice, eyes fixed on his face, as he focused on reading a letter in his hands. 

“national team” he murmured “MVP, a golden medal, a legacy that goes beyond just me” he opened up as if it was nothing, as if he was talking about his grocery list “but that all wouldn’t mean a thing if i were there alone, though. i’ve received plenty awards and mvp’s over the few years that i played, but i guess what would really matter, and make everything else worth remembering, would be... having someone be proud of me, i guess”

you felt your heart getting soft and fuzzy at the confession, wanting to respond, before he handed you the note he was silently reading. 

“this is a poem, y/n, a POEM! what the hell, i don’t even understand what’s going on there” he whined, throwing his head back to rest on the couch seat, as you giggled, reading the note. 

“it’s nice” you said in a high-pitched tone, pushing down a laugh. 

“it’s too... sophisticated” he uttered, looking at you, a tired look in his eyes. “that’s my mother’s thing, to be sophisticated, i like simpler wishes, they’re easier to believe” 

omi doesn’t like fancy words.

you nodded, but before you could say anything, your phone rang, and both of you looked at the screen. the hour on display marked midnight, and as the alarm ranged, the words “omi’s b-day!!!” appeared on the screen. he smiled subconsciously, noticing how you always address him as “sakusa” or “sakusa-kun” but the notif in your phone stated “omi”. 

“looks like it’s the 20th already, birthday boy” you grinned, turning off the alarm. 

“don’t call me that, what am i, six or something?” 

you decided to ignore the comment, and smiled at him warmly before speaking, almost under your own breath:

“happy 22, sakusa. i wish you only to be here to hear me say happy 23 next year. and say so with pride.”

his eyes appeared foggy and glossy, but it was probably fault of poor lighting and tiredness. 

“why stop at 23?” he asked, before standing up, and offering you his hand to pick you up, too. 

omi likes very real wishes. 

over the third year of your friendship you became very close. ever since that night on his living room floor, both of you couldn’t wrap your minds about anything other than each other. neither of you oblivious idiots found out what it was about, but day after day and month after month it was harder and harder to spend time apart. 

before he could notice, sakusa always tried to find you in the crowd before serving, and that’s how he always used up most of his time. once, he even heard ushijima complain “how much longer are you going to take? be a man and beat me without your good luck charm!” 

his good luck charm, huh?

you kinda liked the sound of that. 

you also found yourself texting him every random thought that came to your head, sending pictures of everything, becasue you wanted to share as much of your life as possible, meeting up whenever you could and facetiming whenever you couldn’t. 

it all started to go downhill when atsumu, bokuto and hinata started noticing. noticing the way he’d smile at his phone, the way he’d wink, smile, tease, joke, speak, even the way his eyes wondered when left unfocused, and a dreamy look covered his vision. 

and they started to tease, and joke, and make his life all more difficult, just because “omi has a crush!”

because he didn’t. right? he didn’t have a crush on you, for sure, and it only annoyed him, how childish they were about it, how insufferable. they got on his nerves so bad that he stopped responding to all the messages, stopped smiling, joking around, and all, just to prove his point, 

his point he knew was no longer standing. 

and so atsumu would ask, after one of their practices, “hey omi, is your lucky charm picking you up? some birthday dinner, maybe?” he’d nudge his side with an elbow, raising his eyebrows. 

“i don’t know” he mumbled “and stop calling them that”. the brunette kept looking for something in his bag, just to avoid atsumu’s tiring, curious glance. 

“fine then, how about your significant other?” he continued teasing. it’s not like sakusa would hate that scenario, of course he wouldn’t, yet his mind kept spiraling - what if you came in and heard that? what if you assumed he was calling you that behind your back?

what if you didn’t feel the same?

“stop butting in my relationships for once, miya! how many times am i supposed to tell you i’m not in any way romantically involved with them? i don’t even like them that much!” he lied, straight in his best friend’s face, fed up with all the jokes and smirks behind his back, and judging from atsumu’s shocked expression, and the color running away from his face, it worked. 

“what, don’t you have anything to say to me now?” he kept going, before atsumu shook his head, and pointed behind kiyoomi’s back wordlessly. the spiker raised an eyebrow, turning around to see you, in the flash, eyes wide open, a tiny little package in your hands, wrapped so neatly in colorful paper, with a little bow tie at the top. 

even from a distance he could already half see, half imagine tears prickling your eyes before you smiled sadly, dropped the box from your hand and let it fall to the floor, and began walking out of the gym room. 

“no, no no, y/n, wait!” he started shouting out, but your ears seemed deaf to his pleas, as he ran up to the door you just walked through, leaving atsumu alone, but with a condescending smile. 

“i don’t like them that much my ass, omi-kun” he whispered to himself before walking over to grab his things. 

meanwhile sakusa ran out to the reception room of the stadium, but as it turned out, it was filled with fans waiting for them all to come out, so they could wish him happy birthday, and it seemed impossible to get through the crowd and reached you, especially considering you were already at the exit door. 

he looked around himself and noticed all the people, how many of them were there, and how close to him, and got paralyzed in place, wanting to move, or disappear, that’d be for the best, and yet he couldn’t even move one foot. 

soon enough he felt a hand on his shoulder, guiding him back inside, his savior apologizing to the public.

“sorry guys, we have one more thing to go through! he’ll be out shortly” atsumu laughed off, before closing the door and handing omi the gift you left. 

the spiker mindlessly opened it, only to find out a spotify code inside, put in between a glass frame. he took out his phone from the bag and scanned it with his app, gasping audiably when the page loaded. 

lay back in the arms of someone by smokie showed up on his screen, and a smile crawled up his lips before he remembered how badly he fucked this up a second ago. 

he narrowed his eyebrows before looking up to find the blond setter’s eyes. 

“atsumu” his friend’s eyes widened in surprise upon hearing his first name, instead of surname “is there a back exit from here?” 

atsumu miya smirked. 

“bet ya there is, mr i-fucked-up-big-time” he answered, theatrically offering his hand, before taking the lead. 

you on the other hand, came home peacefully, although hot tears were streaming silently down your cold cheeks as you entered the apartment’s door and looked at the calendar, showing the date of march 20th. in a sudden wave of aggression you ripped it off, knowing that there’s nothing to be so pressed about: he had no duty of feeling the same way towards you, why would you even expect it?

you went on with your day, ordering takeout for dinner, snuggling up on your couch and rewatching a series, not granting your thoughts access to yourself, and it was really going well, until you heard the doorbell ring. 

“nobody’s home” you yelled, assuming it was either atsumu or bokuto on their way to cheer you up, and they’ll probably let themselves in as soon as they hear your voice, but that didn’t happen. instead, the doorbell kept on ringing. “ugh, just come in!” 

they didn’t come in, so you lifted yourself off the couch and walked over to the door, opening it and gasping a tiny bit when instead of your dumbass friends holding McDonald’s you saw a one hundred and ninety two centimeters tall figure of a man, struggling to catch his breath, leaning on your doorframe, his black coat unbuttoned, cheeks red, eyes puffy and hair in a mess, not even gelled into place as they always are. 

“can i help you?” you asked in a cold manner, voice sending daggers into his poor, confused heart, as he finally looked up to meet your glance, an apologetic look in his eyes when he tried to form a sentence. 

“i think i can... no, way, i think i might...” he kept struggling, to which you only rolled your eyes, waiting for the continuation of that sentence. 

“spit it out, sakusa” you stated, sending shivers down his spine with how annoyed you seemed. 

yeah, spit it out, sakusa, he thought to himself before taking a breath and finally speaking up correctly:

“i think i might be in love with you.” 

your eyes widened for a second as you tried to find evidence of honesty in his expression, tone, voice, because you definitely didn’t believe his words. 

his heart dropped when you scoffed. 

“i don’t need your pity” 

that’s when it hit him:

omi doesn’t like to spend his birthday without you. you make it not only bearable, but fun. 

in fact, he never wanted to spend it without you again. and as that realization made it’s way into his brain, he caught you closing your door. 

“i respect you too much to pity you” he spat out as he placed his hand in between the door and the frame, making you unable to close it, even if you wanted to. 

and there was the honesty you looked for. 

“then why—” you started to wonder, but he shook his head before interrupting, a helpless look across his face.

to lay back in the arms of someone

“i’m afraid of... of this, okay? i’m afraid of falling in love, if this is any explanation for you. it’s like... you make me feel as if i’m on the top of the world” he laughed nervously, making you raise your eyebrows, before continuing “and it’s fucking scary to imagine falling from that high” 

you give in to the charms of someone

his glance wondered all over your face to find crumbs of understanding, scared you’d laugh his confession off, a grimace of worry replacing the insecure smile painting his lips, and he was just one step away from shouting “i’m telling the truth!” at you, but you cut him off by opening your door fully, and welcoming him inside with a warm smile on your lips, and a reassuring sentence on your tongue.

happy 23rd, kiyoomi

“i think i might love you back”

omi likes feeling loved. 

the next year flew by on both of you pushing each other’s limits, challenging each other like the both of you always needed, being there for each other, finding out how nice it feels to have someone there. it was coming home with a sore throat after a night of yelling “one more point, omi-omi!”. it was carefully intertwining your pinkies together while shopping without even realizing. it was awkward dates, because the label “date” always changes the atmosphere. it was taking weird selfies, it was having to part for out-of-town games and facetiming from hotel rooms. it was butterflies in the stomach and a ball of fluff in mind. 

it was everything. 

the first year of your official relationship flew by in no time, kiyoomi finding new joy in his birthday since now it was really a day to be remembered, marking your anniversary. 

and just as you got home to his apartment after dinner, ready to unpack all the fanmail once again, the janitor of the building stopped you. 

“sakusa-san, there was a flower delievery for you” he sighed, going towards a locked shelf and coming back with a bouquet, at which kiyoomi stared for a whole five seconds before you decided to take it. 

“thank you for taking care of it” he muttered with a slight bow, you pushing him to go up the stairs. “who’s it from?” he’d ask you a minute later, halfway through the staircase. 

“don’t you wanna check yourself?” you asked, but he frantically shook his head. 

“check it for me, please”

omi doesn’t like flowers.

you nodded wordlessly before checking a card. 

“well if i’m not mistaken this is your surname” you furrowed, struggling to read the handwriting. in your defense, the kanji for “sakusa” are quite complicated. 

he looked over at the text before admitting “yeah, that’s from my aunt, she insists on sending those ever since i got into MSBY” he finally got to his door to unlock it “kinda sad how she didn’t even bother writing a text before” he chuckled, making you want to throw the flowers away. 

you knew he considered them worthless if that’s the story behind the nice gesture. 

the apartment door remained opened, but he didn’t enter, you almost stumbled over him, focusing on the note, and glanced over to see what caught him attention and prevented him from going inside. 

“this is your surname, for a change” he stated, showing you a buffy envelope over his shoulder, but didn’t let you take it when you tried. instead he opened it himself, a neatly wrapped package inside, with a note at the top:

i wore glowes making it! i swear!

there was a typo in gloves, and the writing style could use a little work on it, but that didn’t affect kiyoomi at all, as he was hypnotized with his package after noticing your surname on it. he carefully opened it, to find a keychain, made from cubes, as the ones used in different boardgames, on every one there was a letter or a number, together forming the writing “kiyoomi 15″ with a heart at the end. it was all on a black string, and almost shined with how many times it was wiped before sending. after holding it in his hand for a while, he noticed another card at the bottom of the package, taking it out and reading out loud:

“please take care of my sibling. happy 24th!” he uttered in sheer amazement, as he grazed his fingers over the delicate ornament, before wordlessly going inside the apartment. 

you followed him, closing the door behind you, worried about his reaction about your little sibling’s present, only to find him crouching before his couch, his training bag laying there as he tried to attach the keychain to the it’s zipper, smiling when he managed to do so. 

before he got to turn around to face you, you managed to take a photo of him smiling at the newest addition to his training gear, and send it to your family with a caption:

omi likes personalized stuff. 

over all the years of knowing kiyoomi, you’ve learnt so much about him, his life, his habits, everything. you knew him inside and out, and so he knew you. you’re laughing at your confusion and fear while you were buying his first birthday gift, as you sit on the floor in your shared apartment, plotting his 25th, biggest yet gift, as if he isn’t about to walk through the door, coming back from practice. 

it’s almost ridiculous, how you struggled, wondering if he’d even like a gift, when right now you have a whole list in mind:

although omi doesn’t like gifts, he likes little thougtful gestures. he doesn’t like fancy big words, but likes real, honest wishes he can really take to heart. he doesn’t like spending his birthday without you, he likes feeling love, doesn’t like flowers, but does like his gifts personalized and touching. 

you realize all the moments in your relationship made you know his every emotion and expression, but you’ve never seen your precious boyfriend cry, ever. 

and you decide to change that. 

you’re gonna make him something that’s gonna mask all the memories of his birthday being forgotten, walked pass by, pushed into the back, and not properly celebrated. that’s gonna outshine every single gift he’s ever got. that’s gonna make him so happy, he’ll cry.

an idea pops into your head as you get a pen and start writing. 

dear kiyoomi,

_______

“dear kiyoomi” you get to hear him say a couple of nights later, he reads it out on your plea, with a smile across his lips, as you, atsumu, bokuto, meian and hinata, as well as omi’s older siblings and komori and osamu sit at the table, a cake and two traces of his favorite cupcakes are taking all the space possible.

omi’s voice is colored with a couple of glasses of wine, so it’s easier to him to relax and genuinely grin at the paper as he’s reading, all part of your plan. 

“when i first met you, the first thing i found out is that you’re a private person. not that i was freaked out or anything, but you did have, and probably you still do, a heavy aura around you that may have flustered me a tiny little— a tiny little bit? smiles, your hands literally shivered” he stopped to comment, making you roll your eyes at him.

“zip it and keep reading, birthday boy”

“... a tiny little bit, i agree. nevertheless, the first thing i actually felt, was that you striked my soul as someone weird. thanks, baby” he interrupted again, but you urged him to keep reading. “... weird in a way that made me feel like i’ve never felt before, the kind of safe and terrified at the same time. terrified of what, you might ask? well, kiyoomi, here i’d like to quote you. you once told me that me loving you is like i had the power to break you, and you loving me back was like giving me a map with all the points to strike at. well if that’s the definition of love we’re going for here, than i not only give you a map, i’ll grant you a whole GPS. the trust you put in me every day to not take advantage of what you’ve given me is inspiring, and hence, i surrender every single point of ressistance i’ve held against you, i’m yours to snap at a wish, and trusting you that you won’t do it is something i can spend my life believing in.” 

at this point kiyoomi had to stop and take a deep breath and a sip of his wine before continuing, clearing his throat a bit, chocking back his emotion. 

“... throughout my years by your side, i’ve memorized everything there is to memorize about you and gifts. you generally aren’t a fan, but you like them carrying a lot of thought, dedication, you like them meant exactly to you and to you only. you don’t want pointless blabbing and overused sentences, you enjoy sincerity. you need love radiating from them in order to truly acknowledge them as something special. now, the last thing i know is that you don’t like flowers, but i hope you won’t be too angry with me and with what i’ve prepared for you. enjoy, signed, your smiles” he finished, looking up at you, already moving towards the counter, grabbing a bouquet from behind it. 

he watched in amazement as you handed it to him, taking it in his hands, realizing that- 

it was a bouquet of origami flowers. 

“please, y/n, this is so—” he tried to find the right words, but once again, nothing came to mind as he watched your careful work from every side possible. 

“shh, there’s a special thing to them” you explained, sitting back in your seat, exactly in a straight line from him, watching every single change in his expression as he tried to find what you meant. 

he realized every flower had a little card sticking out from it’s center, and pulled the first one, the closest one to him. 

“the first reason i love you” he read in a weak voice, chuckling nervously again before he found the courage to read it out loud “you make me feel protected” 

he looked up at you with such a gentle and caring note in his eyes that you almost didn’t want to encourage him to keep reading it, but you did. 

“two. you don’t smile too much” after that he raised an eyebrow, but read the next one “three. ...but when you do, you outshine the sun itself. four. you memorized my coffee order within the first two times we’ve been to a caffee. five. you got supplies to redo my coffee order without going to the— hey i swear i didn’t mean anything bad by it!” 

“that’s literally the reason they love you for, idiot” atsumu laughed, urgining him to keep reading with a hand gesture. “come on, this is adorable”

“six. you have a playlist with songs that remind you of me. yes, i know this, omi, we share a spotify account. seven. you claim you don’t like interacting with people, but let a little girl propose to you with a cereal ring in the park.”

“this is too cute, omi is a softie” bokuto whined, hiding his face in his hands, but sakusa only slapped them off. 

“am not. eight. you keep a mental score of all the times you won over ushijima. nine. you take way too much pride in beating atsumu in service aces”

“true that!” atsumu shouted, hiding behind his glass. 

“ten” sakusa shook his head. “you don’t enjoy PDA, yet gave me the kiss of the century when i met your mother, just to annoy her. eleven. your childhood photos are too cute. twelve. you blasted hopelessly devoted to you the morning after we— i’m not reading that, idiot!” he half laughed half whined, in a high-pitched voice. 

“omi-san knows how it’s done, apparently” hinata wheezed, komori accompanying him. 

“did i ask?” he rolled his eyes and went back to picking lines from the flowers. “thirteen, you tug the corner of my sleeves when you’re stressed in public. fourteen, you have me saved in your phone as your good luck charm. fifteen. you put my head on your chest when i can’t sleep at night, to calm me down. sixteen. you make me laugh when i’m sad. seventeen. you almost never intent to make me laugh, yet always do. eighteen. you always make sure i’m carrying all the emergency items all me at all times. nineteen. you make me call you when i get home from a party, if you aren’t there to pick me up. twenty, you always insist on picking me up from wherever i am, because you’re worried about me. i mean yeah, what kind of a boyfriend would i be if i weren’t?” he genuinely asked, half of the guest shaking their heads. 

“come on, five more to go, you adorable, clueless idiot” motoya pat his back and looked over his shoulder to see your careful handwriting, before sakusa hid the message from him. 

“twenty one. you make me not worry about my future. twenty two, you try to do all your little morning rituals in advance when you leave, so i don’t miss you too much. i still do. twenty three, you’re never afraid to be bluntly honest with me. twenty four, you always ask if you can hug me when i’m low or crying. and twenty five—” he stopped more suddenly than anywhere before, eyes visibly watering before he dropped his head down and his it in his arms. 

“what’s on there?” several guys asked over themselves, as omi kept laughing slightly, hiding tears in the sleeves of his fitted shirt. 

“you’re gonna be the death of me” he murmured into the material, making everyone laugh, including you, who decided to walk over to him and hug him, resting your head on his, taking advantage of the fact that he was sitting and you could reach it. 

after a moment of weakness, he showed his red and slightly puffy face, two trails of tears fitting his smiling expression as he struggled to say 

“twenty five. you make me prouder and prouder every day.” he kept laughing through his tears, really trying to hide his emotion and failing miserably. “you really did try to make me cry on my birthday, didn’t you?” he looked up to you still embracing him. 

“i suppose i did”

“well then, i’m gonna outshine you” he said, shifting in his seat in order to get up, wiping the last remains of tears from his face. 

“what do you mean?” you asked, met with his confident smirk. 

“you’re gonna see in a bit, trust me” he huffed, dusting off his pants’ material on the knee level, and reaching over to his pocket, in his hand a tiny, little box. 

with a little more than an origami flower. 

[goosebumpsbookclub]

Say Cheese and Die

Like a skeleton at a barbeque, I rise from the dead to bring you a truly iconic Goosebumps entry: Say Cheese and Die.

So, a few of things about this one. First, it has the best title of any book ever published. Second, it has the best cover of any book ever published. (The Jacobus cover, that is, not the new one.) Third, the main character was played in the TV episode and also in my brain by a young Ryan Gosling with bad hair.

This is a story about cameras and about how cameras are very scary, or would be if they caused people to disappear. It starts with a group of friends sneaking into an old, abandoned house, a time-honored kid pastime that only occasionally results in evil cameras. Now, the thing about this house is that it’s not actually empty; a homeless man named Spidey lives there, which to their minds only makes the house spookier. (Spoiler alert: there’s no Home Alone 2-esque plot twist revealing that Spidey is actually a nice, not-scary guy.)

The camera they find in Spidey’s basement is, in the show, an obscenely large and clunky prop that doesn’t look like a camera at all. It looks like if a toaster achieved its lifelong dream of becoming a spaceship, but didn’t achieve it super well. It has dragon ears, you know, the sort of ears that would be on a dragon? And weird stubby wings with lights on the end, the purpose of which is inconceivable to the human mind. It’s absurdly top heavy and you have to hold it in the least comfortable way an object could possibly be held. In the book it doesn’t say it looks like all that, but it also doesn’t say it doesn’t; I recommend imagining it that way because it’s much funnier.

When protagonist Greg (post-Mickey Mouse Club, pre-abs) takes pictures with this goofy-ass camera, the pictures come out wrong: This photo shows his friend Michael falling over a railing, but Michael didn’t fall until after the picture was taken. That one shows his family’s shiny new car all busted up. When the family takes the car for a spin despite Greg’s objections, Greg’s dad drives like an absolute lunatic and almost gets his entire family killed, so you honestly don’t have to be an evil camera to predict that car’s days are numbered. Sure enough, it’s totaled within days. The man should have his license revoked.

It feels like R.L. Stine kind of runs out of plot right about here, so he just has Greg (future Oscar loser) run around taking pictures even though he already suspects the camera is causing bad things to happen. He also dreams about taking pictures—this is where the skeleton barbecue scene comes from, because much like a skeleton, Robert didn’t have the guts to put it in the actual story. Haha.

Things come to a head, finally, when Greg’s friend Shari peer-pressures him into taking a picture of her with the camera, and it causes her to disappear. She’s gone for two days, and her parents are terrified; this is the only truly harrowing part of this book. She reappears when Greg rips up the picture he took of her. Then Spidey materializes to provide some action and chases them, because the thesis of this book is that cameras are scary but unhoused people are even scarier.

For some reason this, not his dad almost dying like ten photographs ago, is the breaking point, and Greg (one of the white guys in Remember the Titans) and Shari decide to return the camera to the scary house, instead of just, I don’t know, handing it to Spidey the next time they see him. Greg even insists on taking it down to the basement, for plot reasons. Here they’re confronted by Spidey, who reveals his bananas backstory: He was once a scientist, and his lab partner invented the camera, which was at that point I guess just a normal camera that somehow “would have made him a fortune.” Spidey stole it, so the lab partner, who was a part-time evil wizard, placed a curse on it so that it would steal people’s souls. God, science is cool.

Spidey wants to keep Greg (soon to be Sandra Bullock’s boyfriend) and Shari in his basement forever so they can’t tell anyone about the camera, but before he can do so, Shari accidentally takes a picture of him, which kills the man. Greg (soon to be Sandra Bullock’s ex-boyfriend) posits that he died of fright. This is a patently wild choice on Mr. Stine’s part. There’s is a supernaturally evil camera that can (or so Spidey says) kill people, but the one person who dies in the whole book just drops dead of his own accord because the very idea of the camera is so extremely scary that his heart gives out or whatever. I don’t even know what to say.

Obviously the main thing about this book is that it’s shot through with anxiety over unhoused people—not concern for their wellbeing but unease over their physical existence. In popular culture, these people are portrayed as either frightening and gross or, at best, sort of magical, and R.L. Stine managed to do both here. The one moment when you might feel bad for him—when he reveals that he was cursed by a scientist/wizard and desperately wants to keep the camera from hurting anyone—is immediately undercut by his attempting to kidnap two children. Thus Spidey is both extra scary and extra pathetic, and you’re meant to believe that he’s homeless because he deserves to be, because housing is a privilege to be revoked and not a necessity hoarded by the rich, and that his death was perhaps unfortunate but mostly inevitable.

At the beginning of the book, Greg comments that the house Spidey is living in “looks like a haunted house,” which it fitting, because neither the narrative nor Spidey’s neighbors treat him as if he’s a person with a physical form and needs. “I’ve seen that guy around the neighborhood,” comments Greg’s neighbor, making it clear that he thinks of Spidey not as a member of the community but as an entity floating around a place he’s not quite meant to be. This mindset is the reason the kids never consider the morality of breaking into a place where they know someone is living and going through their stuff—the idea of Spidey having or deserving privacy doesn’t even cross their minds. But unhoused people aren’t ghosts, they aren’t hauntings, and they aren’t cartoon villains or inconveniences to be solved: they’re people who live in the same city or town or suburb you do.

If the scary camera represents the fear of being seen, of thinking of yourself one way only for others to see something different, even monstrous, it actually makes sense that Spidey is so terrified of it. When people aren’t staring at them—again, part of being so their being so relentlessly dehumanized is the lack of respect for their privacy—they’re averting their gaze. Kayla Robbins writes that the lack of direct eye contact makes unhoused people “begin to feel as if they were ghosts watching the world but not able to fully participate in it…ignored, dehumanized, and invisible.” Like Spidey, they’re rarely looked at directly, only through lenses—both metaphorical and literal—that work to remove their personhood.

I’m just saying, if Spidey had been given stable housing, he probably would have been able to hide the camera in a better place than the basement of an abandoned, unlocked house. It would have been better for him and for the kids, because then they never would have used the camera. To be clear, though, they also could have avoided using the camera by not robbing people. Honestly, they’re the real villains of this book.

Cover: It’s the best of all time. I want these skeletons to adopt me and then cook me a black bean burger, in that order. 100/5

Scare factor: I can’t even remember the scares because I got so worked up about how Spidey’s character was treated. The skeleton barbeque is decidedly unscary because it rules. The camera is only a little creepy. 1/5

Human decency: I hate these children and I think the evil camera should steal all their souls. 0/5