#teaching while bipolar

[aria-i-adagio]

Magassholes: Kamala Harris doesn't really care about the future because she doesn't have children.**

Me (a bona fide child-free cat queer): *Stares in voluntary teaching in an under-resourced, low income, rural school district with subpar pay even by career standards, because someone has to teach these kids.* Yes, J.D., I clearly give no fucks about the future.

J.D. Vance better be glad there were people willing to take economic hits to teach him as a child. And I bet several were childless, cat ladies.

**Harris is a mother to her husband's children.

[unknownsvoid]

can u do bllk dad hcs?

BLLK DAD HEADCANNONS!!

✮⋆˙ | featuring: isagi yoichi, meguru bachira, hyoma chigiri, reo mikage, nagi seishiro, rin itoshi. ✮⋆˙ | cw: fluff!! um, majority your kids like sports, okay. it just made this better alr. some of your kids have genders; some don't! sorry! i did try to make the kids genderless and decidable!

Isagi Yoichi!

When you two first figured out you were pregnant, he was literally panicking on overdrive. Overthinking everything, and you mean everything. "Should we do the baby's room blue or pink? Or is that too stereotypical? Maybe we should do it in a nice brown? Baby, why are you laughing? THIS ISN'T FUNNY?!" Keep in mind that Isagi is saying this while pacing up and down in your living room. "You panic too much. Everything will be fine. At this point, you might be the one who's pregnant." "Hah Hah. Very funny." When you were labour, he was there by your side throughout everything but was definitely horrified when you were screaming so loud like a demon was sucking the soul out of you. For sure cried when holding your baby for the first time! When you and Isagi's baby grew of age, his initial thought was to teach them football/soccer in your garden while you were gardening, pulling weeds from the ground. You look over your shoulder, and your tummy fills with warmth to see Isagi cheering your child on because they essentially managed to kick their fake plastic ball into the miniature goal for the first time. When your kid hit around five years old, they were insanely obsessed with football just as much as their dad, Isagi, and was Isagi's biggest fan. Every single match you and your kid will attend, she/he would be cheering the loudest, and whether Isagi loses the match or not, your kid will always manage to give him a huuuuuge hug at the end of it. By the time your kid was six, they BEGGED to attend a football club, which you and Isagi were hesitant about, but still managed to find one and let them go there!

Random texts between you, Isagi and your kid!

Meguru Bachira!

Now, when you told Bachira you were pregnant, he was over the moon, but then he panicked, then he was fine again. He was very bipolar about the situation, to be honest. Also was there by your side when you were giving birth and was also very much terrified when you were screaming and even screamed sometimes when you were screaming. Very much the chaotic father son/daughter duo when your kid gets older. You let him babysit once while you were out with your girlfriends. Specifically telling him NOT to give your child sugar because they'll be too hyper before bed time. But how could he possibly resist the cute puppy eyes your kid was giving him, pleeeading with him to give them the cookies that were placed on the highest shelf in the snack cupboard? When you came back home you found your child and Bachira chasing each other around in the garden. Safe to say that he would NEVER do it again because you gave him the biggest scolding of his life. He tried to teach your kid football, but they weren't a big fan of it. He was disappointed at first but gradually got over it, giving up on trying to force football down his kid's throat who clearly didn't care about it.

Random texts between you and Bachira!

Hyoma Chigiri! I physically cannot make this man a boy dad; he just NEEDS to be a girl dad, bro.

When you told Chigiri you were pregnant, he was kinda disappointed but quickly grew fond of the situation. Definitely was not fazed when you were screaming during birth. Maybe a little bit of shock on his face, but afterwards, he gave you plenty of praise and held the baby. You swear you caught him crying, but he still won't admit it till this day. When your kid grows older, he definitely knows how to do her hair! Whenever you're too busy to do her hair; let's say you're preparing breakfast for your child before school; he's the one doing her hair for example because you're busy. Out of all the boys, I believe he would be the most responsible. Your kid turns out to be the athletic type! They were insanely good at running, like their father and easily was the fastest in school!

Texts between you, your kid and Chigiri!

Reo Mikage!

When you told Reo you were pregnant. He went overboard, and I mean overboard. He spent so much on baby clothes, clothes for you, gifts, stuff for the baby and the baby's room etc, etc. The amount of times you had to scold him for spending so much money on you. When you were giving birth, he was also there by your side and was caught off guard by your yelling but then tried everything as he humanly possibly could to make sure you didn't feel as much pain, but that did fuck all... clearly. When your kid gets older, he spoils them to death. Showering them to death gifts. Shoes, clothes, hair accessories, sweets, glitter pens, toys, you name it! If your kids wants it; your kid gets it. You still tell him off for spending money and always ends up buying you something, hoping you'll be forgiving, which never works because you still lecture him in the end. Your kid said once that he wants to go to the zoo, and literally the next day you guys are going to the trip to the zoo. It was sweet to see your kid's eyes go wide as they looked around at all the exhibits, even the creepy crawlies! Turns out your kid was an avid basketball fan! Reo didn't really mind because he also used to play basketball. In fact, he was more than supportive and even went as far as to get a personal trainer FOR YOUR FIVE YEAR OLD? When he told you, you never hit him so hard in your life. "They're five, Reo! Why would they need a personal trainer?!" "To be extra good in the future!!" "Such a dumbass!" You criticize him with an eye roll. "Hey!!"

Random texts between you, your kid and Reo!

Nagi Seishiro! LOCK OFF!

When you told Nagi you were pregnant, he was disappointed, claiming it was too much of a hassle, and asked for you to have an abortion, which you obviously said no to. He didn't argue back and had to suck it up in the end. When you were giving birth, the asshole fell asleep for the whole thing and woke up because a nurse shook him awake to tell him that you're baby has been delivered. He felt insanely bad and apologised several times until you forgave him. When your kid got older, unlucky but lucky for you, they got their father's traits. It was nice to see the two of the lazy asses get along so well! One time, you came home after trusting Nagi to babysit your kid while you went out with your friends, and when you came home, you caught them cuddling on the couch while napping. It was the cutest thing you've ever seen, and you had to take multiple pictures! Now, it's his wallpaper. Only massive problem is that when you guys go out, let's say somewhere fun like the circus, you always have to go home early because two of them will not stop nagging at your ear about how tired they are and how they're bored and how much a hassle it is. Most of your fun days are movie nights, which ends up with all of your sleeping on the couch! Your kid wasn't much of a football fan, finding it too much work... sounds similar!

Random texts between you, your kid and Nagi!

Rin itoshi!

When you told Rin you were pregnant, he was nervous, but he was more than ready to support you. He did as much research from google as he possibly can. Your computer research was very interesting! 'Why does my significant other crave so much food while their pregnant' 'Why does my significant other have so much mood swings while their pregnant' When you were giving birth, he said you could squeeze his hand throughout the whole thing, which he deeply regretted because while you were giving birth, you squeezed his hand till he couldn't feel it for ten minutes straight. Cried when holding your baby and when you commented on it. He glared at you and said, "And?" When your kid got older, they were very enthusiastic and a playful kid. Always playing about with paint and pencils, and they even helped you out around the house whenever they can, which was very cute to you and Rin! Also a very responsible dad. When you came back home one time, you caught your kid and Rin painting together, which was very adorable. The paintings the two of them made on a canvas are hung up in the hallway! Your kid ended up loving football just as much as their dad, and Rin was happy to teach them how to play the sport after the number of times your kid begged him to! Your kid skid their knee doing it once, and he never felt so guilty in his life, even though it wasn't his fault. He helped place a plaster/band-aid on their knee. His heart melted when his kid noticed he was upset with himself and gave him a huge hug while saying, "It's okay, daddy! It's not your fault!"

Random texts between you, your kid and Rin!

[ninii-winchester]

Fleeting love

Pairing : Teen!Dean Winchester X Teen!Reader

Word count : 4k

Warnings : angst, mentions of period, fluff, john winchester (he’s a warning himself), heartbreak, not an AU, not proofread.

A/n: i love high school love stories, I’m not sorry for dragging it 😭

I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION TO COPY MY WORK, TRANSLATE IT OR POST IT TO ANY OTHER PLATFORM. REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED.

Dean didn’t want to go to school. He wanted to hunt. Just like his father taught him to. Although John Winchester trained his boys to be hunters from the very start, he remembered his late wife Mary Winchester wanted her boys to have a normal life. And honouring her wishes, John decided his boys at-least deserve to have a high school experience. While Sam was happy to attend school Dean was throwing a fit. He considered himself better than a high school kid and it deeply bruised his ego to sit in a classroom with kids that were unaware of what goes bump in the night or what Dean Winchester was capable of.

John told his boys that they’d stay in the same town for four years while Dean completed his high school and then they’d move for Sam to complete his’ somewhere else. With that being decided it was a given that John would be gone a lot and the boys had to have each other’s back. John persuaded his eldest by promising him the keys of the Impala if he made it to his junior year with good grades. That was the only motivation that made Dean get out of bed everyday and to engage in focused study. For two years Dean dragged his feet to school and finally after passing his sophomore year at the top of his class, he got the Impala for himself.

Dean parked the car in the school parking and Sam jumped out of the car excitedly running to his class. Dean rolled his eyes and made his way towards his own class. He mostly kept to himself in class, girls swooned over him as he walked the hallways, no matter what grade they were in. The boys envied him since he had the looks, physique and was on top of his class as well. It was hard to categorise him as a bad boy or a good boy. He had his fair share of fights with jocks and make outs with cheerleaders. And now to top it all he had a badass car as well.

A scowl appeared on his face as soon as he entered the classroom. A girl from his class, he hadn’t bothered to know her name, was sitting in his seat, all the way in the back beside the window. He stomped his feet as he walked over to her. Damn she’s gorgeous. But that’s not the point,— Dean shook his head before he spoke,

“You’re in my seat.” He glared at her. She jumped a bit at his voice but then she relaxed. She looked up at him glared back at him.

“What are you, five?” She retorted leaning back in the chair. He breathed through his nose and urged her to get out of his seat but she remained indifferent. She sucked her pen between her lips and stared at his face with a frown. His face flashed with confusion at the change of her attitude. “Can I sit here please? I’m having a bad day.” She said softly and Dean could’ve sworn she was bipolar the way she changed her tone within seconds. With a loud sigh he dropped his bag on the table next to hers and sat on the chair. She sent him a grateful smile and he just nodded. The teacher entered the class and started teaching, after a few minutes passed the girl whispered. “I’m Y/n.” Dean looked at her blankly and turned to face ahead.

Normally teenagers think about relationships, falling in love, but Dean had already internalised to stay far from these attachments, finish school to please his dad so he can finally hunt. But the pretty girl next to him was already causing him to waver in his decision. He was teenager a of-course he felt attracted to a beautiful woman. The class ended pretty soon and the kids were rushing out as fast as humanly possible but she remained seated and Dean noticed.

“Not going to the next class?” He couldn’t help but ask, she had her head down on the desk and her hair was falling on her face which made Dean want to tuck it behind her ear. —God what is wrong with me. He groaned internally.

“No!” She pouted and Dean held back from kissing her right there. He had barely noticed her existence in the past two years and now he’s having these passionate thoughts about her.

“Skipping class?” Dean smirked, she didn’t look like someone who’d skip class for fun. She shook her head at his question and Dean wondered if there’s something wrong with her. He raised his brow at her but she didn’t respond. She sat up straight and stared at her lap. “What’s up then? Can’t help you if you won’t tell.” Dean shrugged.

She didn’t know whether she should tell him, he’ll probably make fun of her. She’s known him for two years, they’re in the same class but he never acknowledged her. He barely has friends and he seemed rude. But he’s asking right? That should mean something! —She thought to herself. “I’m having a bad day.” She finally said and she didn’t expect him to roll his eyes at her.

“You told me that before.” He crossed his arms across his chest. She felt small under his gaze but something made her feel safe too.

“I woke up late and forgot my homework at home.” She whispered. “I got my period early and it stained my pants.” Dean was caught off guard and he felt embarrassed. Yeah he knows what a menstrual cycle is but he’s never had the first hand experience of dealing with someone on their period. But that sure does explain her change of mood. He didn’t speak for a minute and then he shrugged of his jacket and extended it to her.

“Here, you can wear it, it’ll probably cover you.” His jacket was huge, she was pretty small compared to him and it would cover her up good. “Do you want me to walk you to the nurse’s office?” As much as she wanted him to, she didn’t want any rumours to spread about him and her. She shook her head politely.

“I’ll manage. Thank you for the jacket Dean. I’ll return it tomorrow.” She smiled standing up and slipped her arms inside the jacket. She kissed his cheek, both of their faces turned red and she quickly rushed out of the room. Dean stood frozen. He’s never felt this way before, blushing over a kiss over the cheek. He’s done way more than that but this made his heart flutter.

The next morning Y/n was at her locker, Dean’s jacket draped over her arm, she knew everyone saw her wearing his jacket yesterday and she could hear them talk. From her interaction with him she could tell he was a nice person but his reputation preceded him, he was popular and was always found making out with a new girl every week. She didn’t want to be one of those girls so she decided, she would return his jacket and go back to never talking to him again. However her plan was ruined when Dean appeared by her side, he leaned against against the locker beside her flashing her his annoyingly perfect smile.

“How’re you feeling, sweetheart?” Dean asked and she looked around to see all eyes on them. He couldn’t explain why he was drawn to her; it was just a gut feeling, a spark he felt. He thought about her the whole day when he went back home. He knew she’d be stuck in his mind, lingering there longer than a stranger ever should.

“Better.” She replied and handed him his jacket. “Thanks, Dean.” She said before closing her locker and turning to go to class. He wrapped his hand around her wrist, pulling her into him.

“Let’s walk to class together?” Although he asked her it was more like a statement. She gulped before nodding her head. All the girls’ jaws practically hit the floor as they watched Dean lead Y/n to class.

For the following week Dean could be found wherever Y/n was. He practically walked her to her every class, turned down girls left and right and he finally worked up the courage to ask her out on a date. At first she was skeptical at his sudden interest in her, and she turned him down. He followed her like a lost puppy for another two weeks.

“Dean what the hell.!” She exclaimed as he cornered her after class ended. “Why’re you interested in me suddenly?” She folded her arms across her chest.

“I like you. And I wanna take you out on a date.” He replied, his green eyes staring into hers intently.

“I’m not going to be one of those girls you make out with and then dump.” she said, her voice firm but laced with vulnerability. She wasn’t trying to play hard to get—she just knew her worth and wasn’t about to let herself be another passing fling. Dean wanted to feel offended but he knew he had a reputation and he didn’t blame her.

“Just one date." he said, a teasing grin on his face. There was a playful challenge in his eyes, like he knew she was tempted but wouldn’t admit it. He leaned in slightly, his tone softening. “One date to prove I genuinely like you.” His eyes softened and she could feel herself getting lost in his eyes.

“Fine.” She nodded begrudgingly. She knew he wouldn’t have left her alone unless she agreed. She weighed the pros and cons and the situation seemed to be in her favour. He’s got one date to prove himself, if he failed she’d make sure he left her alone and if he did turn out decent enough she might get herself a hot boyfriend. She rolled her eyes at herself,— Dean Winchester and boyfriend don’t go in the same sentence.

The day of the date arrived sooner than Y/n wanted it to. She slipped on a simple sundress and kept her makeup minimal. She heard the doorbell ring, she said goodbye to her mom before rushing to open the door. Not only was Dean on time, he bought her flowers too. She smiled at him taking the flowers from him. He told her she looked beautiful and held her hand to lead her to the car. He opened the car door for her too. The two had dinner at local diner and he was a complete gentleman the whole time. He didn’t make any moves on her, just talked and flirted a bit. Dean paid for the food and helped her into the car again.

Y/n couldn’t stop herself from smiling until her cheeks hurt. She never thought Dean be such a cutie. She thought of him as the bad boy who played around with girls but he proved himself.

“I had fun today. Thank you Dean.” She said putting her hand on his as he drove. He threw her a smirk.

“It’s not over yet, sweetheart.” Dean replied. She looked at him in confusion. She looked outside and realised he’s not driving her back home, instead they’re going towards the lakeside. She tensed, unbeknownst to Dean. She cursed herself for thinking too soon. He’s up to no good—Of course it’s not over yet. She rolled her eyes.

The car came to a halt and he got out of the car and opened her door to offer her his hand with a charming smile. She got out the car and he led her to the front of the car and faced her. He placed his hands on her waist and helped her onto the hood.

Y/n swore she was going to knee him where the sun doesn’t shine if he pulled anything. He let go off her and sat beside her on the hood. She looked at him, he felt her eyes on him and turned to her. He then raised his hand above them and pointed to the sky. When she looked up she saw the most beautiful canopy of stars stretching across the night. The sky was a deep, velvety black, speckled with countless twinkling lights. He brought her see stars. She cursed herself again — for thinking too soon.

The night was cool, the stars above casting a soft glow on them, adding a touch of magic to the moment.

“Sweetheart.” Dean took a deep breath, searching for the right words. “I really like you, Y/n. This isn’t just a fling for me. I want to be more than just that bad boy reputation.”

In that moment Y/n didn’t know what came over her, but it was her who leaned in first. Dean’s gaze lingered on her face as he slowly leaned in, his eyes locking with hers. He brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear, his touch gentle and tender. She felt her heart race, the moment stretching out between them. When their lips finally met, it was soft and slow, a sweet, lingering kiss that conveyed more than words ever could.

One date turned into five, and each one seemed to deepen their connection. What started as a single evening of getting to know each other blossomed into a series of moments filled with laughter, shared secrets, and growing affection. On their sixth date, Dean asked her to be his girlfriend, and she accepted. Being with her made Dean forget about hunting and how he would have to leave in less than two years. He forgot about how his dad might react or how Y/n would respond if she learned about his life as a hunter.

The news of Y/n and Dean being a couple spread through school like wildfire. They became the power couple, and it was truly endearing to see them together. Dean was the best boyfriend Y/n could ever ask for—always doting on her, showering her with compliments and kisses. He was completely smitten, and Y/n was equally infatuated with him.

They often hung out at Dean’s place since his father was frequently away. Dean shared stories about his mother, telling Y/n how she had died in a house fire and how they had to move. He omitted the part about the unnatural circumstances surrounding her death. Y/n also got along well with Sam, Dean’s younger brother, who liked having her around. Dean was happy that his brother and girlfriend got along so well. Time passed in a blur and they were towards the end of their senior year. Y/n couldn’t believe they’d been together for a year and a half.

Y/n and Dean were cuddling on the couch of his living room when the front door opened and entered John Winchester. The man was pissed, he’d a particularly hard hunt and he called his son thrice but he didn’t respond. When he entered the living room he found the reason his son wasn’t answering his calls and his anger flared.

“Dean.” His voice boomed and the couple jumped up from their place. The older man glared at his son and Y/n squirmed beside Dean. “I called you thrice, son.” He said calmly but Dean knew he was anything but calm.

“My phone is in my room, I’m sorry sir.” Dean replied avoiding eye contact. John looked at Y/n and Dean cleared his throat. “Uh dad this is my girlfriend, Y/n.” John tilted his head as he heard the word girlfriend leave Dean’s mouth.

“Nice to you meet you, Mr Winchester.” Y/n managed to speak, the man was intimidating her. The older man nodded his head. “I think I should go. It’s late.” She looked at Dean sensing the tension in the air.

“I’ll drop you-“ Dean offered but Y/n saw John wasn’t too pleased with his offer and she shook her head, politely declining. “I’ll walk you to the door.” She nodded making her way towards the door. “Baby I’m sorry about dad.” She turned to place a soft kiss on his lips.

“It’s fine, sweetie. I can understand the shock, coming home and finding about his son’s girlfriend he knows nothing about.” She smiled.

“Yeah I didn’t want to tell him over the phone.” He rubbed the back of his head. She pecked his lips but he grabbed her waist pulling her into him, deepening the kiss.

“Okay lover boy. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” She smiled pulling away.

“I love you.” He mumbled against her lips.

“I love you too. Now go before he gets any more angry.” She pushed him back slightly. Dean went back inside after she had completely disappeared from his sight. He sighed knowing he’s going to an earful from his dad.

“What the hell Dean?” John exclaimed as soon as Dean entered the living room. “A girlfriend?” He yelled making Sam come out as well. Dean opened his mouth to speak but John interrupted him. “I called you thrice because the Rugaru was on my ass and I needed backup. And I come home and see you cuddling with some-”

“Don’t even say anything Dad.” Dean growled before his father could say something about his girlfriend.

“What’re you gonna tell her at the end of the year huh? What would you say about leaving? That you’re going off to college.” His father asked rhetorically and Dean clenched his jaw. “How do you think she’d react if you told her the truth. Can you even tell her the truth?” Dean stayed silent knowing there’s no way he could tell her the truth. John sighed before he placed a hand over his son’s shoulder. “End it before it hurts the both of you.” Was all he said before leaving his son standing there.

Dean contemplated his father’s words. No matter how harsh they were, it was the truth. He had to end it, he knew she would’ve believed him if he’d tell her the truth but he didn’t want her to be any kind of danger, that too because of him. The next day he met with her in school.

“Hey baby.” She kissed his nose as he wrapped his arms around her. “Everything good at home?” She asked wrapping her arms around his neck.

“All good, sweetheart.” He kissed her forehead. He hated lying to her, he hated knowing he’s going to break her heart in a few days. He felt awful knowing he was going to break his promise of never hurting her—the promise of protecting the heart she’d entrusted to him. The weight of his impending actions pressed heavily on him, each moment deepening his regret as he faced the reality of the pain he would cause.

He spent the whole week with her, clinging to every moment. He kissed her as if his life depended on it—because, in a way, it did. Each kiss was a desperate attempt to savor their time together, knowing how fleeting their moments were.

The last week of school before finals was when Dean decided to do it. Y/n was studying hard for finals, so he knew that the distraction might lessen the heartbreak. He hoped that, amidst the stress and focus on exams, the pain of his decision would be somewhat mitigated by her busy schedule. He’d asked her to meet him at the park. He waited anxiously for her arrival. When she neared him with a skip in her step and a smile on her face he had half the heart not to go through with it.

“Hi.” Dean looked at her face, feeling the need to preserve the image of her face into his mind. As this would be last he’d have a good look at her gorgeous face.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” She asked cupping his cheek, seeing the anguish on his face and he leaned into her touch.

“I uh…Y/n, I’ve been struggling with how to say this, but I need to be honest with you.” Dean blinked back his tears not wanting her to see it was hurting him as much as it will hurt her. “I can’t do this anymore.” She chuckled as he said it. “I’m not joking Y/n.” He said angrily and she stared at him in shock.

“I promised myself I’d never hurt you, and the last thing I want is to be the reason for your pain.” Dean cleared his throat as tears formed in her eyes. “It’s not you—it’s me.”

“Dean what are you even- is it about your dad? Did he tell you to do this?” She asked tears dripping down her cheek. He shook his head.

“No he didn’t. We’ll start college soon. We can’t do long distance.” Dean said whatever came to his mind in that moment. He wanted to get over with it so he could go home and cry. He didn’t want to see her tear stricken face, when he’s unable to pull her into his arms and tell her it’ll all be okay.

“Yes we can baby. And if you think that’s a problem I can always go wherever you’re going.” She cried and he wanted to take every word back and gather her in his arms and never let go.

“I don’t want you to.” He said knowing that’s the only way he can convince her. “You’ve been an incredible part of my life, and I’ll always cherish the memories we’ve made together. I hope you find the happiness you deserve, I hope, in time, you can forgive me. But this ends here.”

“Dean you can’t do this to me.” She sobbed holding onto his shirt. “Please.” Her body shook as she cried. He couldn’t bear seeing her like that so he did what he thought was best. He left. He left her sobbing in the middle of the park. With a heavy heart and tear filled eyes Dean entered his house. His father was in the living room, his back to Dean.

“Did you do it?” John asked.

“Yeah I broke up with her.” Dean mumbled wanting to get into bed.

“Dean, you had to break her heart not breakup with her.” John said turning to look at his son.

“What is the damn difference?” Dean snapped not caring about pissing off his father. John ignored his tone knowing he’s hurting. But it’s for the best.

“What if she follows you or tries to persuade you to stay? You need to break her heart, so painful that she can’t help but hate you, ensuring she moves on and never thinks of you again.” Dean went to his room without a word.

Y/n went back to her house, spending the entire night crying and wondering what went wrong. She couldn’t believe it was Dean’s decision alone; she suspected his dad had pressured him. She decided she’d talk to him once more at school before she made any final decisions.

Her heart dropped the minute she entered the hallway, she watched Dean pressing a blonde against the lockers, his lips firmly placed against hers. He looked at her for a split second and he could the see the hurt in her eyes but he continued kissing the girl pressed against him.

I’m sorry, baby. He closed his eyes trying to erase her hurt filled eyes from his memory.

Seeing him with someone else, she felt a deep, piercing sting of betrayal. Her heart sank, a mix of shock and hurt washing over her. It wasn’t just the sight of him with someone else; it was the realization that what they had meant so much less to him than it did to her.

I hate you Dean. She turned away and made her way to class.

Part 2???

Tags:

@spnfamily-j2 @galway-girlatwork @deangirl96 @queensilber

@s0urw00lf @monkey-d-hoshizora98 @deans-baby-momma @fullbelieverheart

@riah1606 @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @hobby27

@starkleila @suckitands33 @m3ntally-unstable @kanekilovelove-blog @candy-coated-misery0731

@blackcherrywhiskey @ladysparkles78 @goest-and-fuckest-thyself-blog @graywrites5567

[eveningepiphany]

pirates gold, H.S series part 4

series masterlist

my masterlist<3

summary: another day on the ship with your captor turns into him teaching you a thing or two about the pirate life. but as controversy’s of your past come up, somehow the captain and the princess wind up back in his bed- with anything but sleep on their minds.

warnings: mentions of violence, talk of unconsensual past experiences (not descriptive!) swearing, SMUT: f!rec oral and fingering, m!rec oral with slight edging, p in v penetration, dirty talk, lots of sex, anyways oopsie enjoy

a/n: i genuinely can’t believe how long this took to write and publish. thank you all for your patience, i like to think the sex they have makes the three million year wait worth it. can’t wait to hear what you all think<3

———

Nothing can prepare a person for realising they don't know themselves as well as they thought.

There's a mixture of disappointment, shame, dread. But sometimes, deep down—despite not ever admitting it to oneself— there's can be an element of excitement.

Not always, but occasionally. There’s that moment of wonder, who really am i?

It’s a bewildering spiral of good and bad feelings, you hardly know left from right, or up from down.

Rarely did you do things for yourself purely for the sake of it. Back at home there was someone for everything, not only to do things for you, but to make sure you weren't stepping out of line.

You couldn’t experiment. No finding out who you are deep down. There was never the chance for self discovery.

Now, you’ve landed in a situation where somehow you’re supposed to be more trapped. Yet you don’t think you’ve ever been more free.

No more straight posture at the dining tables of the banquet hall, being left to sit with a cautious mouth for hours upon hours. Engage in colourless and dull conversation while you imagined freedom.

Funny to think of it now… the picture in your head. Neatly pulled back hair. A spotless dress without a hunch of what was past the waters you stared out at every night. It was like trying to explain what something tasted like, yet having never tasted it yourself.

You knew nothing of freedom.

Not until you felt the sea nearly swallow you, the wind whip your hair a mess, the heart in your chest pounding as you ran out of Sintir— a place you’d only ever seen on a map.

Indulging in late night caressing with a pirate, something that selfishly bled into early morning, in his own bed. Hands on bare skin, hands in hair, hands wherever they could feasibly touch without crossing some sort of invisible line. Definitely not something that would’ve flown back in Kelna.

Yet that is exactly what you did a few days ago, and your head has been a complete mess since. After you stooped as low as to beg the Captain of this very ship to stay with you, he did just that. For how long, you dont even know. Long enough a crew mate of his was rapping his fist upon the locked door, calling out in bemused annoyance.

“You're either so hungover you cant move or tied up in there by our supposed-to-be prisoner.”

The heave of his chest underneath your head is ingrained into your memory. A strong huff, perhaps annoyed, but something you hope was from sadness. A regret for having to leave at any point, for not being able to stay forever.

"Free of any ties, Tanner. Just... tired." He calls back, tone rather harsh.

You'd moved yourself off him, "I'm embarrassed i didnt think to do such a thing."

The quip lacked all venom it used to, and you scolded yourself internally. You were screwed.

---

The days since were as bipolar as the weather at sea. You craved him, his touch, his voice of silk. It was like a drug. But you knew better for yourself.

After the hangover wore off, and the reality of what you had done set in. You forced distance between the two of you. He saw it coming, even he played along with it.

You two never stopped the game. You just went from a chess piece on his board to being the person opposite him.

Meant to be playing to win.

Up on deck, now the sun has come back out, everyone is saying the good weather is to return from now. Unsure whether to trust it— like many other things on this ship. You keep your gaze trained on the distance, where the waves ripple and swell. There is still a gusty wind, but the sun is hot on your skin.

Slowly, you chew on the fish roll you made in the kitchen with Zayn. He is a gifted cook, you on the other hand, are far from it. Used to it ‘being done for you’ he'd scorned playfully.

He'd shown you a few things this past week, stuff you feel envigored learning about. Knowing how to live independently for yourself is freeing, just as you knew it would be.

Wiping the crumbs off the sides of your lips with the back of your hand, you wonder how you are to go back to living the way you used to.

Before you could spiral into that rabbit hole, someone interrupts.

"Y/N." Harry said, his tone unreadable.

Tearing your gaze from the far horizon, your eyes met his.

The purple silk top covering him today has a typical amount of ruffles for a fashion heavy pirate. He looks tragically good in purple.

"Yes, Captain." You kept your own voice level.

The past week your walls have gone back up, albeit, haphazardly. You still struggled to stay on your side of the bed. And the few brief moments the connection between the two of you has festered in the air, and you’ve allowed it to linger.

Or better said, the moments you didn’t have the strength to resist it.

Like brushing past him in the kitchen yesterday, his hand coming to your waist as you attempt to squeeze through the gap. He wasn’t holding you, but you stopped dead in your tracks.

For but a second you both sucked a breath in. No longer than that, and then you cleared your throat and pushed past him.

Either way, he's noticed it, obviously. Feeling like he should regret the night after taking you into Sintir. But he selfishly cant.

He can’t regret it when the sensation of your skin is burnt into the pads of his fingers. No part of him is strong enough to forget the way your body felt pressed against him, leg thrown over his waist and curled into his chest.

Yet, despite all of that, back to the game you both went, head first. Your bickering was more contained, but his title of mean pirate was attempted to be restored in your mind.

Maybe he couldn’t forget the imprint of your skin against his, but he did love a good game.

Who was he not to feed into that?

A chuckle rumbles in his chest, “Captain, aye? We back to that are we. Two can play at this game Princess.”

The name makes your stomach stir, a small punch of adrenaline tingling in your limbs. How far can you push this before someone gets hurt?

He leans down to you, the blouse is loose on him and falls at the front. He’s eye level with you but your gaze locks onto the view of his chiseled chest between swirls of purple fabric, the tattoos you can vividly remember tracing with your fingers.

His tan skin is glistening between his pecs… a light sweat over him, making your mouth dry.

Suddenly his hand lifts your chin, “my eyes are up here, dove.”

“Don’t be disgusting.” You scoff, despite being caught in the act.

“What is it you want. Why are you pestering me?”

“Such a princess thing t’say, that im bothering you. You’re on my ship, need I remind you.” His fingers tap your cheek with a smirk.

“Need I remind you, that’s not to any choice of my own.” Your voice is indignant, and you pull your chin from his grasp, turning your face away with a scowl.

He’s pressing your buttons, winding you up exactly the way he knows how.

“Well, I haven’t heard much about how deeply y’long to be back home.”

It works a charm, because you’re quick to snap back at him.

“That is none of your business. And frankly I would rather keep that matter to myself than share it with the people who are responsible for kidnapping me.”

He loves hearing your accent when you argue like that, the pompous royal tone returning briefly to you. So stuck up, said always like a challenge.

Letting out a breathy laugh, his hands suddenly coming to under your arms. He hoists you off the floor like you’re but a parcel of feathers, standing you upright.

“Won’t you leave me be!” The raise in your voice causes a few crew to turn their head at the scene.

“‘M trying to make y’useful ‘round here.” He chides, his hand snakes down to one of your wrists, a smirk pulling at his lips.

The feeling takes you back to the first day on the ship merely weeks ago, when that was the only way you got around.

His hand wrapped around the rope tied around them.

You think back to when you threw yourself off the ship, When he swam out to retrieve you, when his hips pinned you to hull of the ship and he cut the ties free.

“Instead of jus’ leeching our supplies,” his voice draws your attention away from the tan hand wrapped around your wrist. “And laying around not carrying y’weight.”

“Maybe you can just starve me then. That way I won’t be taking away from your precious supplies.”

“So much sass on y’today,” The smirk that comes across his face is devilish, walking you over to the bass of a mast, “c’mere”

He pulls you infront of him, his chest to your back. Forcing himself not to take any notice to your figure, the white blouse covering your top half and the black fitted pants that are tight around your bottom.

“See this rope, how it’s worn?”

Your head turns over your shoulder to catch his eyes, and your heart lurches in your chest as you clock how close his face suddenly is to you. The green in his eyes is captivating in sunlight. With his captivating eyes burning into you, his mouth is still holding a smirk.

You give a swift, forced nod, but you’re not even looking. You’re pretty sure you haven’t even blinked.

This causes a laugh to bubble from his chest, suddenly he’s leaning in.

What the fuck?

Your brain is racing as his body leans towards you, and face is inching closer.

There is no way he’s about to kiss you.

Suddenly he’s placing something in your hands, and his body is going back to its original stance.

He was handing you the rope.

Your cheeks feel like they’re on fire, and he’s surely seen the flush that’s spread across it. It’s making you overheat, and your lungs are rising up and down in your chest ten times as fast compared to just five minutes ago.

What is wrong with me?

You snap your gaze down, hoping that your hair falls enough to cover your flaming cheeks.

“It’s…” your voice falters— great— you’re so embarrassed right now.

“Princess, has a cat got your tongue?” He chides with sarcasm.

“It’s frayed, feels weak, yes.” You nod hastily.

“Good girl,” he watches you purse your lips at his silky praise, and focuses on purely the amusement riling you up stirs in him. Not any of the other emotions that arise.

“Y’gonna help me replace it.”

“Like hell i am. Do you want your ship to fall apart?” You scowl, there is no way you can do that without something going terribly wrong.

“That’s why I’m teaching you, y’could do with a bit of hands-on work.”

Your eyes trail up to what the rope connects to, it’s holding down a part of the sail, helping to pull it taut.

“Taking this off won’t do much since we aren’t on too rough of waters, so it’s a good time t’change it.”

He steps a few feet away from you and retrieves a wad of fresh intact rope. A lot of it too, metres upon metres.

Your body remembers the sensation of it wrapped around your hands and your feet with a slight shiver.

“Firstly, we’re gonna untie and remove the old one.”

“Harry, I don’t know what im doing.” You whine, wishing to be anywhere but here, immediately frustrated.

He tuts, dropping the pile of new rope down next you both, “Zayn did tell me y’were bad at this.”

“Excuse you?” You scoff, shocked at his audacity. Slightly offended.

He steps back behind you, ushering you forward so you’re close to the metal bar that the worn tie is wrapped around.

“Told me y’don’t like being bad at things. Don’t like not knowing how to do stuff.” His voice is smug, like that is a fatal flaw.

“I—“ you’re so annoyed right now.

“I am not!”

“Y’defensiveness only proves m’point.”

You don’t even know what to say to him right now. Truthfully— ego aside— you don’t know if that’s how you get. You have gone laps around the sun without knowing this kind of stuff about yourself.

In defiance, you don’t admit this to Harry. But you stay silent as his hands reach for the knot in front of you.

“Now, princess. Look at this.”

“I’m looking.” You huff.

“Where do you think we’re gonna start untying this, what kind of knot do y’think this is?”

“I have half a clue of what kind of knot this is, Captain.”

“This is a water bowline, angel.” The words mean little to you, but your stomach does a weird squeeze at his confident words, the way his accent makes the word angel sound.

“I’m going to guess this loose end here,” Your right hand extends out, tugging at the few inches of rope that extends out the middle of the knot, “has something to do with untying it.”

He smiles at the way you’re starting to soften at the idea of what’s happening. Yes, you’re still standing tense and your tone is still veering on irate. But you’re indulging, playing along at the least.

A small sense of pride bubbles through him, “Smart girl, it does.”

“You’ll see these knots everywhere on the ship, in many different forms. They’re nice and secure, can take a lot of tension but aren’t hard to tie or untie.”

“This here,” his fingers trace a loop in the top of the knot, “is what you’re gonna pull on first.”

You grab it and he brings his hand to your waist. The action makes you flush as you try and focus.

“Fold it forward, this is gonna loosen it against the standin’ end of the rope.”

You don’t know what that means, but you pull the part he’s directing you to towards yourself, applying a bit more pressure when you see it needs it.

He hums in approval, and your lips purse together, “Now that loose end, feed it out of the wrap in the middle there.”

You do that, and he reaches forward to add tension on the upper section of the rope as you now use both hands to untie the rest of the knot— unhooking it.

“Tha’s it. Now we can replace it, and I’ll show you how to tie the knot.” He takes the old rope and figure 8’s it around a metal hold, so it’s still holding the sail.

He sees your curious eyes at his action, and explains, “We could cut it, but just incase it’s better to have it handy until y’know you’re ready to replace it.”

You nod, and he grabs the fresh rope and sets it up for you.

Grabbing your hands, he walks you through the process first himself, then he unties it to make you do it.

You curse for the first few minutes as you try to tie it properly, but once he guides you again, you’re staring at the tied knot.

“There you go, look at that princess. Jus’ tied ya first water bowline.” He comments proudly, and you can’t help but smile.

“Thanks…” you feel good, accomplished.

“I’m gonna secure it in the eyelet up there now, y’stay down here.”

He leaves you down there. All while you watch him bring the sail in, so he can reach it from the mast. Rope tied to his belt loop, he unties the old one and lets it drop.

You’d stepped back so it could fall without nearly taking you out by the head. Staring with hardly enough shame as Harry worked his fingers to create a new knot through the eyelet of the sail.

His brow furrowed in concentration, unbothered by the metres between him and the deck of the ship as he balanced entirely unsuspended.

His strong thighs are tensed as he holds himself stable, black pants look good on him.

He cut the excess rope off with a dagger and climbed down with ease. Unbelievable how good he can look doing something like that.

Once he’s back down, he walks over to where you stood and admires the new rope alongside you. You aim to pretend you hadn’t been checking him out the whole time.

Nudging you with his shoulder, “And who said princesses couldn’t learn pirate things.”

“I’ve learnt plenty of pirate things.” You state.

“So, what are you, more princess or pirate then, dove?”

With a frown your eyes slant to him, trying to search in his gaze the motive behind the question. So many tricks are up his sleeve, he never fails to remind you that.

“I’ll leave that up to you.”

His eyes scan your face, flickering over you. A tick of silence, and then he curtly nods, “Well, they say practice makes perfect, so don’t think we’re done yet.”

He intends on spending this afternoon with you, regardless of what other things he should be doing.

“I thought it was my turn to teach you something.”

“What? Like how to manage my table manners?”

You can only roll your eyes.

And to be fair, you did plenty of that as the blue sky bled into sunset.

“No, you dolt. If you picked up that fork first they’d barrate you on the spot.”

“Whatever,” he’d sighed, “I find getting your hands dirty with a good meal is the only way to eat something.”

The evil smirk on his face as he’d said that was all telling.

The two of you did both lots of thinking and lots of talking. Lapsing between periods of comfortable silence and discussion.

A part of you wondered if this was his tactic to pry your guard back down. You hated yourself for letting it work, the fact you somewhat allowed him into the works of your brain again.

After finishing the last rope he wanted to replace, you’d stretched out your shoulders.

"Do y'feel accomplished?" His own arms reaching above his head.

"I feel productive, which is rare that happens.”

He starts walking in the direction towards the communal quarters, in presumption that you'd follow.

You do just that, wasting no time matching his pace.

"Thanks. For showing me." The words are hard to push pass your lips, they're clunky and almost shy. But they pack the same level of meaning.

He stops the few steps in front of you, right next to the wall of the communal quarters. He turns around so his full front is facing you. The sun has dipped below the horizon of the sea, the warm golden hour glow sinking with it.

Now it's lingering in that space of inbetween, where it’s not quite dark, but not light enough to class as sunset still.

You can almost relate.

His green eyes have pinned you to a stop as well, your hands falling to the front of your white blouse. The wind is toying with the loose material, gently, your fingers ring the ruffled bottom that cuts off midway down your ribcage.

He's been forcing himself to hold his eyes strictly to your face, not anywhere near the sweetheart neckline thats dipping to show the swell of your chest.

Can’t believe I bought that for her and thought I’d be able to not stare, he thinks internally.

"You dont have t'thank me." He answers truthfully. Despite the fact he may have mocked your lack of gratitude he wholly believes you did him a favour today.

"You showed me how to do something. Something useful, and practical." You remark cautiously, watching your tone doesn't give away too much sentiment, "I cant tell you the last time i've had that."

"Y'can read right?" he chuckles, stepping forward.

"I went to school Harry."

His eyes rolled playfully, finally breaking off you, making you feel like you can suddenly inhale again.

"What do they even teach you there."

"Table manners, exactly the knowledge I so kindly imparted on you earlier." you dryly joked, despite it being entirely true.

"How to talk, how to act, what to do, what not to do." You sigh as you think back on it, walking to go lean against the wall.

"Ooo” he hums, intrugied, "what not to do?"

You prattle off the first ones that come to mind, "Dont get caught lying, it brings dishonour. Dont curse, it displays immaturity and impurity,” a pause, and you scoff— one drilled into any royal in the court, “dont engage in any premarital relations."

His pupils are the only part of him that reacts at the mention of the third rule you listed, they dilate and almost shake with the intensity he’s staring at you with.

A shrug of your shoulders, "That one gets surpassed all the time though.”

At your words, his brows twitch, he thinks you're talking about yourself. The look that passes over his face is unmissable. You can't pinpoint the exact emotion, and honestly, neither can he.

You are old enough to make your own decisions, he reasons. Old enough to decide if you want to...

His brain crafts a million different scenarios. They flash past faster than he can keep up with. Lingering heavily on whether or not it was consensual.

You had spoken about how men in Kelna acted around you. Whispering disgusting things, touching you. He thinks they’d be people similar to Garret, dirtbags who would’ve forced anything if they wanted it bad enough. The thought makes him livid, to his very bones.

"You look worried." You comment ambiguously, toying dangerously with the curiosity surrounding his reaction.

When he doesn’t reply, you take it a step further,

"Does my value decrease if i cant be labelled as a pure, untouched little angel?" Your tone is sarcastic, but the second the words fall from your mouth, he reacts.

His whole body tenses where he stands, and he steps closer to you.

"Y/N." A stern but bordering protective voice comes from him, a way he’s not spoken before. "Do not ever talk ‘bout yourself like that on this ship, or I swear..."

His throat tightens with anger, voice faltering and eyes fluttering with tension. A hand grabs the wall you're standing near. Knuckles white as his fingers dig into it, "I swear t’god, it makes me want to break something."

"If somethin’ happened to you in that fucking ring of psychotic royals—” He spits it out like the thought disgusted him, “You're a human being, not a slab of meat."

It’s not often he feels the need to genuinely punch something. Someone. But right now anyone that has ever done something to you is on his immediate black list.

In the back of his brain, he recognises that in your eyes he’s equally a bad person for what he’s done to you. He stands here a hypocrite.

Furious at anyone whose ever hurt you, yet being the very person that’s holding you somewhere against your will.

The tension rolls around in your stomach, almost making it ache with the sudden anxiety. You’re so utterly confused with how to feel in this situation you force your mouth to move,

"For the record, i was not talking about myself." The clarification comes out meek despite trying to keep your tone unbothered.

He doesn’t attempt to hide his feelings, face contorted into a sneer, “Wouldn't put it past those pigs."

“No one did that to me.” You amend again, this time, your own tone stern.

“Alright Y/N, what did they fucking do to you then?” His question forces you relive every unwanted advance you’ve had to uncomfortably sit through.

Every ‘accidental’ hand placement, every provocative comment directed to you, every situation that made bile from your stomach rise into your throat.

Somehow, you find it in you to argue back, even though you don’t believe Kelna is even a shred better than a ship of pirates, "Its not like im safe in your world either."

It’s clear this is his tipping point.

The heart in his chest clenches and his body is moving before he can register it.

Because suddenly, the space surrounding you is being entirely filled, he grabs you with his hands. There’s not a sliver of violence in it at all, but it does make you jump.

Regardless, he sinks his hands into your hair. He can’t help it, curling them gently into the soft strands at the nape of your neck.

Despite how pissed he is, his touch is nothing but gentle.

It causes you to shudder, unsure if it’s out of unease or somehow a little bit of pleasure— the feeling his ringed fingers graze across the nerves that typically lay behind your hair untouched.

They ping around in your muddled brain, electromagnetic signals making you light headed. It’s overwhelming, how did this even happen?

Even with the soft touch of his fingers, the look behind his hard gaze makes your skin prickle with goosebumps.

“I…” you try to make words, yet nothing comes out. Hands against skin are all you can make sense of.

It’s tangible, they’re there. If your strip everything else away, it’s just someone holding you.

Someone touching you softly. Someone who you—deep down, no matter how hard you try to feel otherwise—are okay with touching you.

You can swallow that pill. If only you could make it that simple, of course.

“Harry.”

One thing he’s learnt since having you around is that he can’t handle the way his name sounds when it comes out of your mouth.

Especially not with that whined tone. When it falls from your lips like a plea.

He can’t seem to find the words either. Your feet are planted between his and your own hands are braced on his hips.

“Dove, y’can’t keep bloody doin’ this to me.”

“I’m not doing anything to you,” his hands slide to your face, they cradle your cheeks, “Harry im just standing here. I’m telling you the truth.”

His face feels so close to yours, you swear you can feel the breath that passes through his lips meet your own.

Intimate almost, if you think about it hard enough.

“I don’t care about that, I care about you.”

“You can’t do this to me!” You whine, pushing his hands away, stumbling back. Breaking that connection by force if you have to.

You don’t remember how you ended up like this, with your blood pulsing in your ears and your chest heaving so hard your ribs could break.

Exasperated, “I am fine! I am okay!”

He is at a loss for words. You are so complex, so intricate. His curiosity for you deepens, even when he thinks it can’t anymore.

“I do not need any kind of pity, there is nothing to pity!”

“They made you not trust people.” He says with disgust.

You cant believe he can say that when he literally kidnapped you. And although he’s right to a degree, this experience hasn’t been great for your trust issues either.

“This world made me not trust people.” You gesture out to the ship around you, in sheer disbelief, “I’m standing on a fucking boat in the middle of nowhere because nothing is okay!”

Yelling against the wind, “Because the only thing people care about is themselves, and what they can gain from exploiting others.”

“I am a fucking object to everyone I’ve ever met.”

A part of his heart cracks hearing this, he has to physically restrain himself from stepping closer to you.

Space, give her space, his brain urges him— despite his physical body begging to do the opposite.

“Y/N,” his voice attempts to stay level. He watches your reaction.

Like a timid yet fired up animal, your hair is being thrown by the wind, pupils wild.

“There’s nothin’ i can say that will justify any of this. I know tha’.”

“There’s not.” You snapped, eyes threatening an emotion you can’t imagine letting out around him.

Crying is another thing frowned upon in the court, not unless the circumstance is so dire it warrants it.

You think for a second that you’re going to have the strength to pull yourself together, but suddenly, a wet and salty tear slips past your waterline.

The humiliation inside you that followed the single tear that just slid down your cheek would be enough to crush a grown man.

You knew he’d seen it, your face is flaming with embarrassment.

“This— this conversation is over.” You curtly reply, voice worn as you force out a tone reserved for Kelna.

The way you’re speaking to him like an associate causes him to move, “Y/N, stop—“

But your feet are suddenly moving, “Do not follow me.”

The warning is clear, he hesitates into a stop. Debating what to do.

Give you space or force you to stay in his company?

The conflicting thoughts on his face are clear.

Yet he swallows, and nods.

Then you turn around and walk away.

———

He forced himself to wait an hour. An excruciatingly long one.

After he watched you walk away, he went into where his crewmates were. Predicatably, they were sharing pints and throwing darts. The room was warmly lit, filled with chatter that echoed inside the dark wooden walls. A few of the boys asked where you were as Harry passed them. He could only lie.

“Tired after working.” Was his chosen reply, hoping now was the time more than ever that the crew just took his word for something.

“Probably the hardest she’s ever worked aye?” Tanner drunkenly joked to him, patting his back and throwing another sip of beer back.

Harry had to refrain from shooting him a look. Despite it being something he’d likely say himself, right at that moment, all he felt was worry for you. Even a shred of defensiveness, but that’s a feeling he has to shove down for the moment.

Making way to the cupboards that held their fair share of staple pirate beverages, he pulled a metal flask out and leaned against the bar top.

He forced himself to act as though he was unbothered, and that he was interested in the games of darts unfolding.

However his brain was heavily preoccupied,

Is she okay? Did I do the right thing letting her have time to herself? Is she mad at me?

Questions ran on loop, running a hand through his curls he struggled to reason with himself.

A hand was placed on his back, that interrupted his spiralling thoughts as he sipped at the flask of whiskey. A short sideways glance revealed his blonde haired crew mate.

“Y’seem off.” He quietly remarked.

Niall, often unserious, was surprisingly good at knowing when something was up. And even better at handling it discretely.

Due to that, Harry let out a short sigh through his nose before admitting a shred of truth.

“May have struck a cord with her.”

“Go too far with something, mate?” He asks quietly, curiously.

“No,” he frowns, unsure if he’s insinuating something else, he quickly clarifys, “was talking about the courts, got her upset.”

Niall’s blue eyes dart to meet his captains. Allowing a curt nod before looking back out to their crewmates that are fake tackling eachother over a stolen swig of beer.

“Y’checked on her yet?”

“Givin’ her space. She’s not too happy w’me at the minute.”

He lets out a light snort, “Good choice. Unless she’s thrown ‘erself off the ship, then t’was a bad one.”

“Ha-ha.” He fake laughs and rolls his eyes at Niall, taking a moment to swallow down the anxiety that’s built in his throat.

He can’t avoid stressing about you.

After a few ticks of silence, Niall clears his throat,

“Jus’ careful wit her. For both your sakes.”

He adds on with a pat on the back, “here if you need cap. It’ll be alright.”

Anyone else he would’ve been annoyed for saying that, but Niall is probably wiser than Harry himself. So his advice is taken with gratitude.

“Thanks mate. I’ll be careful.”

After another half hour, he’d had enough of the ill feeling that stirred in his stomach.

He left the room to find himself outside in the now cold but still windy air. It took a second for his gaze to adjust to the darkness, immediately scanning the deck around him for you.

Without any sight of you, he checks all the places he can think you’d be. His room, the cells, the kitchen.

His heart doubles in pace every time you’re not in a place he thought.

Coming out of the kitchen, his quickened pace. Starting to walk along the deck that leads him along the perimeter of the boat.

As he gets closer to the stern of the boat, he feels genuinely sick.

What if you had—

“Y/N!” He gasps without any thought the second his eyes spot your silhouetted frame.

You’re leant against the edge of the boat, staring out into the black water that swirls beneath the ship. He thanks the stars you’re not in it right now, given he was starting to think the worst of the situation at hand.

He doesn’t give you any time to talk before his long strides are invading your personal space. Warm hands coming to your cheeks, turning them to inspect your face for any damage, as though you are some kind of treasure to him.

“Im sorry.” He immediately begins.

“I shouldn’t have pushed m’luck.”

Your eyes scan his, taking in his face as his hands have come to rest in the crook where your neck and shoulders meet.

You still haven’t said anything, which isn’t working in his favour because his words are filling the silence, becoming more risky with each passing second.

“Jus’… the idea of something like that happening to you made me…” his thumbs stroke upwards along the valley of your throat subconsciously, “makes me fuckin’ sick.”

Your lips part as he begins to spill things he probably shouldn’t. Swearing that he can probably feel your pulse in your neck where his fingers lay.

He can’t stop now, “hearing you talk about y’self like that, like y’an object... I know I am no better than any average person in the Kelna courts for what I’ve done to you. But I promise you that I’d take a dagger to my own hands till there was nothing left of them before I ever let something of that nature happen to you…”

A deep breath and he shakes his head, “Not without your permission, darling.”

He doesn’t even care what that’s insinuating. Never does he want you under the impression he has control of you in a sexual regard.

The thought of you even believing that made him sick.

The air around you feels pressurised, and it’s like you’re about to spill even more out to him.

“I am being held captive, yet I’ve never felt more fucking free. How fucked is that?”

He is silent to your admission, shocked into it almost.

“You don’t understand how it feels to go from having to watch your every move, every word, just to stay alive. You are loved with conditions.”

Your voice suddenly heavy with anger again, “People cannot be trusted, everything is always two-sided, no matter what they say to portray otherwise.”

His hands have slipped from you, you’ve started pacing the deck and throwing your own hands out as bouts of sheer outrage wash over you.

“Here, god— you’re atleast half fucking honest with me. I don’t have to conform to any stupid rules to how I speak or sit or dress. I can swear at you, and you only raise the stakes.”

He can’t really fathom that you’re not speaking less of him. That you’re admitting that the life you lead on the ship as a hostage is better than as a princess.

“And I go against every promise I made to myself when I woke up here. I would let you do anything to me, Harry. Do you not understand that? How hard that is to live with everyday?”

“y’implying a lot right now…” he answers.

“You have my permission!” You spit out, pissed off now. At him, for being so charming and handsome that you’ve wound up as the lamb that fell for the lion. And pissed at yourself for being so unable to halt your snowballing emotions for him.

You’re self aware enough to know you’re an idiot, yet you’re still in the same position nonetheless. You’re also going to blame it your lack of education on how to handle sexy pirates that kidnap you for ransom money.

All the same, you’ve come aware that you’d let him do anything to you. You’d do anything to him.

God forbid the day you would do anything for him.

You’re terrified because whether or not this is some kind of fucked up situation of Stockholm Syndrome, you’re too deep in it to turn back now.

“Fucking Jesus Christ…” he curses to the sky, stepping towards you where you’re pacing.

“I hate you, you know! For putting me in this position.” You point at him, stating with contempt once you lock eyes.

“Y/N. Stop.” His voice has dropped several octaves. The wind has urged the curls that usually sit pushed back to fall over his eyes and forehead. Standing over you, his gaze is pinning you to the spot.

His brows are furrowed in an unreadable expression, but you don’t care. Right now, everything you have is about to go on the line.

“Stop what? Telling you that there’s something going on with me— with us here?” You gesture between the two of you.

“Am I meant to tell you that I—“ His hands come to your waist and urge you backwards against the edge of the ship.

The low of your back is pressed into the wooden beam, something you should be scared about realistically, but his hold around you is tight.

“Don’t fucking say it.” He says, “whatever you’re about to say, keep it to yourself.”

“Can’t handle the truth, Captain?”

He tips your chin with his hand, bringing your head on an angle to look him in the eyes, “You won’t be able to handle what comes after that, Princess.”

You’re unsure when both of your breathing became short and laboured. His panting chest made your head physically spin.

“What? Are you gonna put me down in the cells, hang my by the chains on the walls?”

His exhale stutters out of parted lips, “Don’t even joke about that.”

“Ignoring your problems does nothing, Harry. They keep getting bigger while you hide from them. Out of sight out of mind doesn’t work the way you think it does.”

Your frustration easily spreads to him, pushing him closer to a point neither of you can come back from.

His hands grab yours suddenly, they wrap around your wrists and hold them tight between you both. Like he’s grasping for any element of control he has left before everything spirals.

“There is no problem here, Y/N.” He whispers into your ear, voice stern, “do not make one.”

The tension between you both is absolutely palpable, his body is so close to yours it’s spinning your senses haywire.

“So we what? Go back to your room and act like nothings going on… I go get into your bed, and I let you wrap your hands around me like it’s just— it’s just…”

There’s not even a word for it, your voice trails off. His breath hot against your ear, and his one hand still tight around your two wrists.

Fuck it, fuck this, you think.

You turn your face to his, noses bumping.

It’s like the pull between your lips is so strong it’s easier to give in than put an inch of distance between them.

Your body squirms against his. It’s making him wild, he needs you so bad it’s going to break him.

“Not doing it.” He pants out, voice so deep it sounds like he just woke up.

“Not kissing me?”

“Nope.”

“Im giving you permission.”

“Numbing your problems doesn’t make them go away. Feeding into them only makes them worse.” His eyes fluttered shut, brows in a deep frown as he holds himself back with every part of his being.

“So you admit there’s a problem.” Your voice sounds dignified.

The metaphor of your situation has taken on a nickname clearly, and you’re not sure if it’s helping at all.

You nudge your nose into his again, his head falls into a tilt. His mouth so easy to access…

A dance between you ensues. Your mouth moves forward but his moves back.

“It’s so wrong…” he whispers, tongue jutting out to wet his lips. They’re left parted open, air escaping and fanning onto your own.

“I want to rip your shirt off your body right now, how’s that for wrong?”

“if I kiss you, Y/N,” he begins, breath stuck in his throat, “I’ll never be able to send you back.”

And how wrong is it for you to admit that’s beginning to become exactly what you want.

A stretch of silence, and you finally just lean into him. The second your lips meet his, your whole body melts.

Air empties out of his lungs in sweet relief, he swears for a moment he feels so lightheaded that he’s dreaming this whole moment up.

The hand wrapped around your wrists slides off and finds refuge on your waist. A voice in his subconscious is selfishly begging your own soft fingers to touch him wherever they can.

It appears words are suddenly useless to you both, and all that’s important is the kiss that is finally happening.

The meaning behind it weighs like a tonne of bricks, yet somehow makes it all the better. It shows in the way his mouth moves against yours like velvet, kissing back into your upper lip like he’s desperate for you.

He still recalls the first time he caught himself thinking about kissing you.

You were down in the cells, playing the waiting game after pushing him one step too far. It’d been over a day since he’d pulled you out of the water you’d thrown yourself in.

The sun was hot on his skin as he thought of your fully soaked body that he pressed into the hull of his ship. He remembered looking up to your lips as he untied your bound wrists.

They were glossy with water from the sea.

As he thought about, he only could imagine tasting them. Kissing over the salt water until they no longer shone with ocean drops, but with his saliva instead.

He had to physically shake his head at himself. Blaming it on not having been laid in so long.

Didn’t take long to release that was far from the problem when it came to his unseemly attraction to you.

A deep whine sounds from your chest, drawing him back to the present, and he pushes his body as far into your space as it can. You’re physically pinned against the edge of the ship. Theres not a care in the world at the endlessly deep swell of water thats just past you.

You don’t even remember when tongue started getting involved, nor when exactly you worked up the courage to lick into his mouth.

It’s hot, so hot.

His body feels like it’s on fire, and your hands feel that tangible warmth as they slide underneath the purple silk covering his chest.

That heat isn’t just budding in chests, it’s striking hot between legs. Only growing worse by the minute.

“My fuckin’ god…” he groans into your mouth, hands squeezing the swell of your chest.

“You taste devine, angel…”

His words make you tipsy. You smile and kiss him harder, letting his hands roam your body like you’ve never touched eachother before.

Despite the nights he’s dragged a delicate touch along your back and the skin over your waist, it’s nothing compared to this. It’s like you’ve never felt him before. The way his tongue glides against the roof of your mouth skilfully, and firm yet gentle hands are palming the flesh between your ass and thighs.

He’s wasted no time roaming and squeezing every inch of your skin, even over clothes he’s desperately trying to commit it to memory. Rubbing over the swell of your ass like you’re the only thing in the world he wants this bad.

“Harry.” There it was, his name.

The way it falls from your kiss swollen lips in that same pretty plea that sends him spiraling every single time. Yet it was so, so different in this moment.

Sheer pleasure courses through him, and he pulls your leg up to bracket his hip, letting him push himself closer into you. Imagining what lay between the peak of your thighs.

Wishing to see the state of you, wondering if this situation has worked you up to the same extent as him.

You can feel him, every inch. Every hard slab of muscle is pressed into you, warmth radiating off him like rays of the sun.

“My name.” He murmurs into your lips, “Say it again.”

His kiss trails down your neck, sucking gently over your pulse before licking a stripe back up your throat. His saliva leaving a hot, wet trail behind.

“Harry, please… more.” You don’t even have to try, the words all come from your mouth like it’s your only purpose.

His prick is swollen in the black trousers he’s in, shamelessly being pushed into your thigh. The feeling, it’s like heaven. You don’t have any single other way to explain it.

He’s behind layers of clothing and he’s pretty sure this is better than any sex he’s ever had.

Your little experience with genuine sexual interactions has not stopped you at all. And reflecting on every past experience of a sexual nature, they fall incomparably flat to this.

Despite the majority of them being unwanted advances, even the few you engaged in— mostly with random strangers at ballroom parties— were nothing to this.

They took place in dim hallways and in secluded gardens, the kisses were always slimy, laced with the intention of taking anything from you they feasibly could. You always stopped it when you released you felt no desire to go further.

This, however, was happening because no matter how hard you both attempted to deny it, you both wanted it. Wanted eachother.

And this time, all you felt was desire.

Your hand comes down to suddenly cup the bulge of his cock between you. He moans at the feeling, rocking into your palm shamelessly.

“Fuck— I could come jus’ like this. Against your innocent little hand…” he curses into your neck, making your mind swirl with his lustful and dirty words.

“Tha’s no fun though.” He amends, swollen lips coming up to your ear, “Not when I could take you back to our bed…”

Our bed… your hazy brain notes, trying to commit it to memory as his tongue drags lightly over the shell of your ear.

“I could leave your hands free, so you could lace them into my hair. Pulling on it like I know you would while I lick into you, Angel.”

“Or would you prefer them bound up against the headboard? Just as we’ve always joked, all tied up. At my mercy.”

“Please… Harry.” Your whole body feels like it’s been set alight, the pulsing between your legs so intense it made your knees weak.

“Please what, dove? Or you don’t care? As long as someone is looking after that pretty place down here, hmm…”

His hand meets the fabric between your legs, both of you now rutting into each others palms.

You can’t help but whine, “it hurts… Harry. Fuck…”

He shakes his head, leaning in to kiss your lips. He can’t believe you’re so worked up you’re telling him its physically hurting you. He thought it was just him, with his cock so hard he is bordering on being in pain.

“Cmon,” he starts to pull you back, your body leaving the dangerous edge of the boat.

But you hardly can figure out how to walk, almost like a little spring doe. Knees struggling to function.

He picks you up effortlessly by your thighs, wrapping them around his waist. Your arms naturally draping over his broad shoulders, tangling into his messy brown hair.

You whine and push into his chest without any thought. Attempting any kind of friction you can, causing his to laugh. His eyes finding yours, “you’re so needy you’re grinding against my chest…”

His long legs make quick distance across the boat, out of the cool wind and through the winding halls below deck.

Thankfully not running into a soul as he enters his room with you, locking the door swiftly behind him.

The second the latch flicks in place, his lips are back against yours. The kiss is sloppy and desperate, open mouths pushing against eachother like you’ve been apart for weeks.

You’re moaning into his mouth as he squeezes your ass in the dark room. Walking over to his bed, still holding you against him as he climbs atop the mattress.

He lets your back drift down until it meets the plush comforter, but your legs still elevated by his. Ass against his thighs, and his erection tightly pushed against you.

He follows your lips the whole way down, hands rolling up and down your body, lingering against your breasts as he nicks your bottom lip with his teeth.

“This okay?” He breathes out, making sure you’re alright.

“Yes…” You nod, responding without even a second between his question.

He soaks up the feeling that swells in his chest as you consent to him. You said it without an ounce of hesitation. He’s almost feeling honoured.

“This is on your terms, my Princess… you tell me to stop and I stop.”

My. Your brain struggled to compute his possessive words.

My Princess.

You drag your hands up his back, sliding them all the way to his cheekbones.

Your eyes find his.

They lock with intensity. Green gaze piercing into your soul.

Silence ticks over between you, only filled by the panting of your breaths.

Your thumb slips down to his plump lips, pulling down his bottom one. The pad of your finger tracing over its fullness, dipping into the wetness that coats it.

He allows it, eyes fluttering at the gentle yet seductive touch.

He is so gorgeous.

When your thumb is wet with his saliva, you bring it back down to your mouth. He watches you, the action so small yet so utterly filthy as you draw your finger into your mouth. Taking it between your own lips and sucking it clean.

Once you draw it out of your mouth, you keep your big eyes looking at him, “You have my permission, Captain.”

He curses at your words, and they kick him back into gear. His body folds over yours again, meeting your lips with his— fuelled with a fever that makes his head spin.

He tastes like whiskey, and you feel simply drunk off of it. You want to drink him up. He is the warm, tingly feeling in your throat after throwing back a shot of the brown liquor.

His mouth moves down your neck again, kissing and licking as far as your clothes will allow. He gets to the very top of your chest before the fabric gets in the way. Having half the mind to just mouth over your nipple anyway.

But, it’s the satisfaction that’s to come with stripping it off of you. The very clothes he bought.

Fingers shuck the material up over your chest, and your arms lift up instinctively to help him get it off. He’s surprised to see you were without a bra.

There you lay, arms up above your head, back arched against the mattress, and your beautiful chest on display for him.

“Oh, dove… you are a work of art.” He coos, hands immediately coming to run against the soft skin of your breasts.

He stares intently in the dark, suddenly asking, “Can I light a candle?”

His voice is hasty, “I can see you, but not s’well as I would if there was a bit of light.”

“Want t’see your skin coated in that warm light,” he leans down, voice dropping into a whisper, “and so I can watch y’nipples harden when I wrap my mouth ‘round them.”

You nod quickly as you speak a desperate yes, squirming at the idea.

It would be unfair for you also, not to see his chest and tattoos while you two did whatever this was together.

He pecks a chaste kiss over your lips.

“Thank,” kiss.

“…you.” another gentle kiss.

He slides upright, struggling to tear his eyes off of you as he fumbles for a match to light the candle on the sconce mounted to his wall.

You hear the match flick alight, and the room suddenly being cast on a golden glow as he brings the flame to the wick.

Discarding of the match, he wastes no time coming back to where you lay— hair fanned out underneath you. He stands at the edge of the bed, staring breathlessly at you.

He had hummed the second he saw you—properly saw you. Your cheeks are flushed red, beautiful brows upturned into an expression of sheer want.

“Let me take yours off,” you gesture with your eyes to his own shirt, “please?”

“C’mere then.”

You bring yourself up, knees to the edge of his bed. Your hands lift the purple fabric over him, and suddenly the tan, chiseled skin you eye off so often is finally yours to freely touch.

Tattoos and muscles, fine hairs and freckles, he is the embodiment of beauty and sex.

You run soft hands over his abs, the muscles almost rippling as he feels the skin to skin contact. Throwing his head back, he groans into the tension filled air.

Hands wrap around your bare waist, pulling you flush against him, chest to chest.

He follows through with exactly what he’d said moments earlier, kissing a trail down to your breasts before wrapping his soft mouth around the peak of one of them.

Wet and hot, his tongue sucks and swirls until you’re moaning embarrassingly loud. You react like you’ve never felt someone like this before, because truthfully, you hadn’t.

Your spine arches, pushing into his mouth and lacing your hands around his neck.

He pulls away, smirking at the hardened nipple he’s looking after, while you catch your breath.

“My turn.” You whispered, and despite your legs feeling like jelly, you kiss your own way down his chest until you meet his defined pectoral muscle.

Your lack of experience doesn’t show, you’re so eager to please him it makes you only confident. You lick against the warm skin of his chest, lulling your tongue over his own nipple— something a girl has never done to him before.

“Fuck—!” He bites out, teeth clamping down onto his lower lip.

You pay some attention to it before trailing up his shoulder, sucking the skin above his collarbone. Biting against it and making sure to leave a mark.

He slaps lightly at your ass, still covered in tight black pants, just as he is.

“You are so filthy, dove.” His voice lilts, dripping with honey,

“Who would’ve known… to look at you, no one would know you’re the kind of girl that’s going to wrap her hot little mouth on any skin she can.”

“Innocent thing you are, ready to do anything, hm?”

His nose nudges yours so he can get better access to your mouth, kissing into it again.

Merely minutes since he last had his lips on yours, and it feels like the first time all over again. It strikes and stirs hot in your stomach. Making you arch into him again, pressing your chest against his.

“So needy… you must be soaked…” his thoughts spill from his lips out loud.

“Panties that I bought you are probably wet through by now, little cunt all weepy for something it’s never had.”

“D’ya want it, baby?” His sultry voice asks.

“Harry, I want it, I want you.” You plead, and he unbuttons your black pants.

The zipper is pulled down by him, and he slides his hand in between your legs. Cupping over the fabric, it’s almost hot to touch.

“So warm in there, I can feel y’clenching around nothin’.”

He rubs softly over you, and you moan out, rutting into his hand.

His lips kiss you hot and slow as he runs tedious circles over the top of your panties.

Once you’re moaning and arching into him, he slowly retracts his hand out, “get in the middle of the bed.”

You follow his instructions moving to lay in the centre of his mattress as he shucks his pants off.

He’s in nothing but boxers as he climbs above your legs, “No one else has ever made you come, have they?”

His green eyes lock with yours,

“N-no.”

“No one’s ever wrapped their lips around your swollen clit and sucked until you finish against their tongue? Or fucked their fingers into you until you are almost crying?”

You can’t even verbally answer, only able to shake your head side to side.

“Mm, okay,” he hums, lowering down to kiss your belly as he slowly pulls your pants down from your legs.

A smirk rises on his lips as he kisses below your navel, “Then I take it no one’s ever pushed their cock into you?”

Your cheeks were burning as you squeezed your thighs together, only in black lacy panties that he bought you.

“Alright baby,” he smirks, “look at you then, in this little pair of black underwear I got ya. Did you think about what was going through my head as I picked them out?”

“Never thought I’d be privledged enough to see y’in them.”

The warm candle highlights the goosebumps that have already prickled over your skin, each kiss he’s pressed to your bare body has made them spread like wildfire.

He takes his time to tease you, lips lulling over your lower stomach, tongue tracing the upper band of your underwear.

This continues until you’re begging him for anything, “I can’t— h— fuck… Harry.”

Your speech is slurred like you’re half awake, “Please touch me.”

“I am touching you.” He stated, green eyes flickering up to yours, face with devilish intent.

“More…” was the only word you could sigh out to him, unable to hold eye contact with him for longer than a second.

His hand comes to the back of your knee, pushing it up so your legs spread. He licks a slow, pleasing stripe against the dip between your thigh and where you want him the most.

Your hips jut upwards, and his fingers trace over your centre above the fabric covering it. As you whine wordlessly into the comforter, he tucks his finger into the edge seam of your panties. Pulling the elastic back and letting it snap back against your skin.

Not enough to hurt, but enough for the vibration to ripple through your core.

“Jus’ say the words, dove.” He murmurs, kissing over where your clit is.

“Take them off.” Your own hands start frantically pulling the sides down your thighs.

“Tha’s my girl.” He taps over where he just kissed with his thumb, laughing at your attempt to get them off, helping you get them all the way down. Tossing them over his shoulder, leaving them somewhere behind him to be dealt with later.

His eyes finally lock onto your bare body. Entirely naked.

How badly you want him is evident, and his fingers immediately move to run down your dripping centre.

“You…” he speaks, voice raspy and dripping with desire, “are a fucking angel.”

“Prettiest little cunt I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Fuckin’ hell. The things im going to do to you if you’ll let me.”

The second they glide down you, grazing over your entrance, all conscious thoughts and conscious movement disappear. Almost like a magic trick. Suddenly everything you do is automatic, like your breathing or your heart beating. You have no conscious play in it.

This includes the words coming from your mouth.

“Finger me.” You moan shamelessly, clenching around nothing as he touches you.

He almost groans at your request, “Mm, well I gotta stretch you out, hey?”

Taking a few moments to rub over you slowly, he eventually slides his middle finger into you. It glides in so smoothly. Even just the idea of his hands touching you this way has you completely melted, your back arching off the mattress as he moves in and out gently, the subtle rolling inside you enough to send you insane.

“C’mon dove, let me taste.” He pushes your legs open wider.

No part of you registers what he’s saying until his lips attach to your clit, licking over your arousal that’s spread entirely over your core.

“God!” You cry out as he flicks his tongue and curls his finger, the combination heavenly.

It’s bliss for him just watching you, the way your body reacts to every little touch he administers.

Another finger pushing into you and you’re already a mess around his hand and mouth. At whatever point he thought you couldn’t get any wetter, he was entirely wrong.

“Y’gushing around me, baby. Two fingers and you’re clenching like you could finish jus’ like this— so tight too.” His words are spoken against you, and the vibration just makes you fall deeper and deeper.

“Feel so good, Harry.” You moan out, hands finally finding his soft curls. Wrapping around them and tugging his face into you.

The scene is erotic. Pink lips against you, fingers pushed into you. Same tan arm holding onto your leg that you’ve stared at many times before.

His cock is aching while he does this to you, hearing you whine his name like a broken record as he picks up the intensity. Tongue and fingers forming a rhythm, one that quickly is building an intense heat in the low of your stomach.

Sitting up, he removes his fingers without warning as he repositions himself. You immediately miss the feeling of him inside of you, somewhere in the back of your head wondering how you’re ever going to go without the sensation.

It blips suddenly to wondering what the fuck you’re both going to do after tonight… something that would make you overthink into a deadly spiral usually. But it’s quickly forgotten about again when he rests on his knees between your spread legs, and pulls your ass up onto his thighs.

Your legs are spread open completely, he has a view of you he’s only ever dreamed of. Your wet glistening cunt in front of him, entirely his to please tonight.

You’re still babbling out his name like a mantra, mixed with a few different sighed words. Varying from “please” to “fuck” to “touch me”.

They get lodged in your throat when you watch him dip down and lick along you completely. Spitting onto your clit once he gets to it.

Fucking filthy.

You loved it.

His free hand reaches to touch your chest, rocking his tongue against you. Mixing spit and arousal together over your swollen core.

“Taste so fuckin’ good.” He moans into you, flicking his tongue over your entrance.

He’s eating you out so damn well you want to suck him off desperately in attempt to thank him.

It doesn’t take long before the same hand that was pressed into your breast, tweaking your sensitive nipples his sliding back down along your waist.

“Three,” he murmurs into you, “reckon you can take that like a good girl?”

“Yea… yea!” You eagerly nod, your own hand coming to squeeze your breast, “need to feel you.”

“You are so fuckin’ dirty… beggin’ t’take more n’ more of me.”

He holds the back of your thigh as he works to push in a third finger. This one burns, you never put more than two of your own fingers inside of you. And compared to his— size wise— they don’t measure up in the slightest.

The pinch you feel is a mixture of pleasure and pain. But your body registers the sensation that feels otherworldly as you stretch around him.

“Harry!” You whine out, hips stuttering as he slowly curls his three fingers inside of you, “Holy shit.”

He moved feverishly, showing clearly how bad he wants you to come. He wants to watch you entirely unravel between his touch.

Everything is starting to build up in your stomach, the pressure twisting and clenching. Your hand comes up to your own hair, fisting through it at the intensity.

He pumps his fingers in fast, quick movements, curling them quickly inside of you as he watches in complete awe at your bodies reaction to him. Your back is arching, lips whining out beautiful sounds, a light dusting of sweat shines between your chest.

“Taking it so well,” he murmurs, leaning down to attach his lips to your clit as he continues fucking you with his fingers.

The second his tongue swirls over you, you realise you’re about to loose it.

“H-harry—“ the sheer desperation in your voice tells him all he needs to know, along with the pulsating of your entrance.

“Don’t stop…” pleading to him, “i— im gonna come.”

He smiles against you, sucking harshly as you start to squirm and pant underneath him.

“Want to watch it,” he presses a kiss above your clit, “want to watch every second of it.”

You nod feverishly, head starting to spin and body starting to feel like it’s floating.

“Are you gonna show me, dove? Show me just how good im making y’feel?” His voice is seductively low.

“Don’t want you holding back, I want to hear you.”

“Harry.” The thrust of his hand is beginning to tip you over the edge, his words only bringing you closer.

He leans his body over yours, mouth coming to kiss over you. Trailing up your chest until his lips meet yours.

The kiss is open-mouthed and desperate as you moan into it.

You want his fingers as deep as they can possibly fit into you, and you suddenly are verbalising this, “harder, deeper, please…”

“Want it rough, baby. I’ll give you rough.” He chuckles against you.

All the sudden, his pace quickens, and he’s pushing them in and out of you at a rate your brain can’t even keep up with.

The feeling of the palm of his hand slapping against your clit makes your whole body seize up, you cry out in pleasure as he talks in your ear.

“Cmon, let it all out baby.” He coos, voice soft compared to his movements.

Your moans are loud and stuttered out at each thrust. Starting to shake as your stomach tightens, “Please, please!”

His movements don’t falter for a second, and suddenly your orgasm hits you like a train. Whole body shaking as you clench around his fingers.

He even moans as he feels you finish, imagining how it would feel to have your cunt squeezing his cock instead.

You cry out his name so loud it echoes through his bedroom, all while he rocks his fingers through your orgasm.

“That’s it angel,” palm hitting your clit to make you clench again, drawing out the pleasure, “fucking gorgeous…”

“So beautiful, letting me watch your face screw up as you came all over my hand.”

“Can’t wait to have my face down there someday.”

The thought makes you writhe against him, “maybe later, hm?”

“I’ll get my tongue inside of you, play with that pretty clit until you do that all again… finish on m’face.”

He’s dirty talking you as you come down, and even when he finally draws his fingers out of you, you can’t help but want more.

Unsure if it’s just him telling you all the stuff he wants to do, or just how badly you want him in general, you realise how worked up you still are.

Not often would you orgasm and still be craving more, but right now you swear you could be doing this all night with him.

His soaked fingers run up between your chest and come to his mouth. His green eyes finding yours as he sucks them clean, humming as he tastes you.

“Fuck me—“ a sudden burst of energy comes to you, hands coming to push yourself to sit up. During it all, you’d slid off his lap and back down onto the mattress.

“Let me suck your cock.”

He’d straightened upright along with you, sitting back on his knees as he had been earlier.

His brows shot up in surprise as you suddenly had this new found energy, “baby— you haven’t even fully come down yet, just have a moment.”

“Harry.” Your gaze snaps to him, “im going to suck you off until you decide you’re going to fuck me, okay?”

“I need you to fuck me.”

“Jesus Christ.” He curses, throwing his head back. His cock is aching, and he can’t even imagine saying no to that.

“I’m gonna struggle not to finish the second you wrap your lips around me, princess.”

“You can hold it, captain. I want to taste you.”

It doesn’t take you long before you’re pushing him backwards, making his legs stretch out as you kiss him quickly.

He hums into your mouth as you palm at his briefs, squeezing the fabric over his hard cock.

You move to pull his briefs down his thighs, listening to him groan once he is finally out of the tight confines. Pulling away from his warm lips, you look down between you.

Jesus Christ.

Of course the Captain was heavily equipped.

The tip of him was flushed and swollen, you just knew how well it would fill your mouth. He was the embodiment of pure sex. Everything about him.

“Can i?” You glance up, looking at the way his plump bottom lip is taken between his white teeth.

He nods quickly, fluttering his eyes as he pictures the mental image of what you’re about to do to him. How much this is about to fuck him up.

Not having to imagine long. Your body sinks down, knees pushing back on the comforter as you half lay between his legs.

“God—“ he draws out, you haven’t even touched him, but the sight of you is enough to make his head spin.

Your bare ass and the arch of your back is all he can pay attention to as you rest on your elbows between his thighs.

“You look so…” he struggles to find the word, and the thought will never be completed. Your hands wrap gingerly around him, and although you’re unsure how to go about pleasing him, you waste no time licking along the underside of him.

“Fuck!” He spits out immediately, hips flexing upward at the touch.

Lips wrapping over his head, you just go with what feels natural, sucking the tip gently, careful not to nick him with your teeth.

“Y/N.” He sighs out your name, letting you envelop his senses entirely.

He doesn’t know how long he’s going to be able to hold out from finishing in your mouth. He’s already feeling that tightness spread across his abdomen, and you haven’t even been on him for a whole minute.

You hum around him in response to your name, hands sliding up his thighs and meeting the muscles of his chest. Selfishly you palm over the hard slabs, watching his brows furrow in pleasure as you slip further down his length.

Hollowing your cheeks you suck around him, moving up and down gently as his hand laces into your hair.

“You… your mouth is like fuckin’ heaven.”

“Could sit here all night with that thing wrapped around me.”

You revel in the idea, saliva dripping down his cock as you draw back up to having only his tip between your lips. Gently pulling off to talk, “I’d do it.”

He feverishly lets his head fall back, pulling at the hair he’s got between his fingers.

“You’d be a good girl and warm my cock all night with that mouth of yours?”

You nod as he leans down to pull your face up to his, kissing your lips without shame of where they’d just been.

He slides his tongue into your mouth, drawing across your bottom lip, “Another night baby. You wanted me inside of you, so you’ll get that.”

“A little longer on you, please.” You whine, wanting to please him with your mouth just like he had for you.

The briefs hanging onto his thighs get pulled all the way off before your body leans back down, kissing over his length and sucking harshly at certain sides of him.

Who is he to say no to you.

Licking along him, you drag your tongue over his tip before sliding your lips down him again. This time you move faster, and he is trying to keep his thoughts controlled as you fill your mouth with as much of him as you can without gagging.

“Good girl,” he moans, watching your ass rise and fall with each bob of your head.

His prick is practically dripping with your saliva, and he don’t think he’s ever felt a better feeling in his life.

So good that he can only go so long before he’s swearing, and pulling at your hair, “Fuck— Y/N I’m going to come if y’don’t stop.”

You hum around him, having half the mind to just keep going so you can taste him fully. Somehow he finds the strength to hold it off, “No, baby, take your mouth off— please.”

You slide off him with a pop, looking up at him with swollen lips.

The sensation of your mouth trailing up him had him teetering on the edge of his high, “Fuck,” his hips stuttering against nothing as his head is thrown back. Attempting to push down the feeling he was so close to giving into.

Its so hot. Watching his frown get deeper as he screws his eyes shut, all the hard muscles on his body tightening.

His hand comes to his hair as he pulls on it, the orgasm he was so close to was finally receding. You’d just unintentionally edged him.

“Y’so fucking horny.” He pants, “can’t even wait to have me inside you.”

He lifts you up by your arms and pulls you on top of him, chest to chest. You can feel his length curving against your ass as his lips come down to suck on your nipple. Licking over it harshly without mercy.

“Want you to fuck me senseless, Harry.” You moan, back arching into him as you grind down against him, arousal practically dripping down onto his cock.

“Please,” you begin to beg as he works over your breast. You can’t seem to stop the words flowing from your lips, “I want you so bad.”

His mouth moves off your hardened nipple, looking you in the eyes, sighing out a deep breath.

You search his unreadable gaze, and there’s a sudden blanket of silence that falls over you both. Maybe a hint of realisation has set in, in that what you’re about to do is irreversible.

“I jus’ want y’to be sure.” He says, sobering the intense moment.

“Think about it for a moment, okay? Just take a second.” He kisses your cheek, hands rubbing delicately on your back, “I don’t want this to be something y’regret.”

You nod slowly, pursing your lips as you genuinely take the moment to consider everything. You are about to fuck a pirate. Which isn’t even the worst part.

Still, even as you think about the situation, and all the potential repercussions, you can’t find it in yourself to want to stop.

“I know we don’t know where this is going, and we both know we shouldn’t be doing this.” You speak quietly.

He hums in agreement, his pink lips pursed as he lets you talk, “but… no. I still want this.”

“And I rarely ever get to make decisions for myself… so thank you for letting me do that.” You say, voice sounding certain.

“Don’t thank me for that, that should be your right.” He states, brows furrowed.

“Shh, let me thank you anyway.” You nudge his nose to the side, kissing him gently. Lips clicking as you both take a moment to do just that.

“I think i have condoms,” he begins.

A laugh bubbles from your chest at his uncertainty, “You think,”

Shaking his head in a sort of amusement, “I haven’t used them in a long time, dove. I don’t bring girls in here.”

“Yet here I am.”

“Yet here you are.” He hums, hoping you pick up the underlining statement in his words. You are special. Much more than just a girl he’s got in his bed for the night.

“Wanna feel you.” You whispered, implying you don’t want to use anything. And honestly, your whole body ached to feel him for the first time without a condom on. Especially since you knew it wasn’t an issue with it.

“The court mandates us to have a rod…”

He frowns, “what do you mean?”

“So I don’t get pregnant before I’m married. It’s fine it’s reversible… they can take it out. They do it to most girls incase we start fooling around behind their backs.”

“Fuckin’ Hell. I hate them.” He spits, “Always controlling other people bodies.”

“If you’d prefer to—“ the sentence doesn’t even make it out of your mouth before he interrupts,

“No baby, that’s your choice.“ His tone is entirely certain, not wishing to have any influence on your decision.

“As long as you don’t have some kind of pirate STD, i wanna feel you, harry.” You tease, but tone still genuine.

It causes him to laugh, “No STD’s here.”

“Alright, good.” You nod, mouth forming a grin, “I trust you, if you trust me.”

His green gaze searches yours, and you feel the weight of your words for a few seconds until he breaks the silence, “I trust you.”

Nodding, you bring your lips back to his. Giving him a chaste kiss of appreciation that he smiles into.

But now that you’ve committed, that sense of need is rushing back into you. But this time, it’s like the flood gates are open, your movements starting to get quickly eager again.

That gentle kiss quickly turns heated as you grind down over his length, excited he gets to feel you skin against skin.

He mutters into your mouth, “Perfect baby, every inch of you.”

Immensely tired of waiting, your voice whines out a plea, “Fuck me harry, please.”

“M’gonna fuck you, don’t worry.” He whispers, grabbing your hips and flipping you around. Leaving your back pressed into the pillows as he pulls your waist to his.

He looks down at you, hair fanned out and big eyes looking at him with parted lips. His own gaze dips to the supple flesh of your tits, inexplicably excited to watch them bounce as he fucks you.

You can’t help but take the opportunity to commit his stance above you to memory, the muscles of his tan chest and the dark ink of his tattoos. The thought of scratching your nails along his laurel adorning hips…

He can’t take you staring at him like that. He leans down to pepper kisses along your neck— finally grabbing himself, a hiss coming from his teeth as he rubs his tip along you and over your clit.

“Tell me if it’s too much okay?” He says, lining his head up to your soaked entrance.

You sigh out several words of agreement, clutching his shoulders as he slowly starts to push into you.

With how turned on you are, and his early preparation with his fingers, his tip slides into you with some ease. There’s still some tension as he pushes in, “Relax, dove…”

His voice is so deep. He’s still clutching onto every ounce of his control, praying he can hold himself together when he hears you whine as you’re being stretched out by his cock.

“I won’t last long if you keep squirming like tha’.” He screws his eyes shut, holding you still by the hips.

“Fuck—“ it feels so different to anything you’ve ever felt. He curves into you like it was fate, like every inch of him was tailor made to you.

“Deeper, go deeper please…” you beg, nails scratching at the messy curls on his head.

His brain works on overdrive to process the fact he’s the first person to ever do this to you. That you’re experiencing this with him for the very first time.

Virginity is a tacky term for him, in the pirate world it’s regarded as the best thing you can take from a girl. The way it’s treated disgusts him. But the only thing for him that’s important is that your first experience is the best he can give it, and that you feel safe— treasured even. Exactly how you should.

“Takin’ it so well…” He sighs out, finally all the way inside of you.

“Kiss me, Harry.” You say, and he wastes no time leaning down to capture your mouth.

Kissing him with his cock fully pressed into you is an entirely different experience. As your tongue glides against his lower lip, he stutters his hips inside of you. Hand coming to play with your clit as he starts to move gently.

You roll your body against his uncontrollably, wrapping your hands into his hair to pull his lips further into yours.

“Feels so good—“ you groan into the corner of his lips, the stimulation you’re getting feels like it’s coming from all angles. Like you could float away.

“You feel so good. So tight around me, Y/N.” He thrusts a little harder as he speaks, moving back down to kiss you. It’s also harder this time, both your tongues clashing against each other as he starts to build a pace between your legs.

He can feel how coated he is with your arousal, your cunt only growing wetter as he ruts into you.

“Do what you want to me.” You pant out, your body aching for anything he’s willing to give to you.

His green eyes are almost swallowed entirely by his pupils, “Fuck.”

“Can y’take it rough y’think?” He asks, nose bumping yours as you hold eye contact.

You nod feverishly, and it causes his head to throw itself back as he starts to work himself into you harder. Taking the opportunity, you bring your lips to suck against the arch of his throat.

He never wants this to end. He wants to take you like this all night. Change locations, fuck you on the floor, against the wall, bent over his bed, even with you pressed into the counter of the bathroom so you can watch it all in the mirror.

His throat is vibrating as he moans, you can feel it against your lips. You’re licking over his tan skin with your tongue, swearing you can feel the beat of his pulse underneath.

You start to loose yourself in him again, hands drawing down to scratch against the muscles of his chest as you clench around his cock. He is captivating at the best of times, even when you’re 5 feet apart you can get swept up by him.

It’s like a hold down under a wave, you can’t get up above the surface long enough to catch a breath. You don’t know what way is up or down, you’re spinning and all you can feel is him, he is the water glistening with rays of sun that fully surrounds you.

Now amplify that by a hundred and maybe that begins to cover how he feels while he’s inside of you.

Moans start bubbling out of you with each thrust, you feel him hitting that spot inside of you everytime he ruts back into you, balls slapping against your ass as he gives you himself exactly how you’d asked.

He moves his hand off your clit and grabs your hips, angling them up, pulling you flush against him. Entirely rough as he fucks into you at a slightly new angle, this on its own sends you wild.

Your back arches off the bed, crying out as he slams into you, your wet cunt taking him as deep as it allows. Squeezing around him so hard his jaw is going lax, curls on his head sticking to his forehead.

“Good girl,” he groans out, “taking my cock so fuckin’ well.”

“Knew how good this would feel. M’gonna want you all the fucking time.” Slapping your ass, he keeps the filthy words coming from his mouth, “Gonna be bending you over any chance I get, angel.”

“Please…” you nod feverishly, “Need you all the time, need your cock.”

His tattooed arm comes from your hip and runs up along your side, hand cupping your bouncing tits. Squeezing one of them, he then trails up your neck and coming to cradle your jaw. His thumb slides past your lips and presses into your wet mouth.

You don’t need him to even tell you, you just suck on it, letting saliva pool around his warm finger that’s rubbing circles against your tongue. He draws it in and out, rubbing over your plump lips and tracing a line down your chin. Eventually coming to flick his thumb against your nipple— your own spit coating it.

All of this, and you start to feel the pressure build in your stomach, of course you couldn’t last long as he fucked you like this.

“Harry!” His name started to come from your lips over and over again. Legs beginning to shake, heart racing in your chest.

“Gonna come?” he grunts out, “this sweet pussy gonna come around my cock? Drip all over it?”

You cry out as his body pounds against you, his hands guiding your hips into the movement as your eyes physically can’t stay open. You swear stars are beginning to explode behind them.

They squeeze shut as your whole body almost stops working. Your heart and lungs feel like they completely seize as you hang onto the peak of your orgasm for a breathless moment.

“Fuck—“ he hissed out, feeling how tight you’ve gone around him, “I’m gonna finish with you, cmon baby.”

His fingers come to quickly rub over your clit— a few fast, tight circles, and that is all it takes.

Your moan reverberates around the four walls of his room as you come for the second time, bouncing against his cock as your whole body writhes in your climax.

“Harry, I’m coming!” Your voice is pitched so high, half whine half cry as you state the obvious. As if he missed the fast clenching of your entrance around him.

“Fuck— fuck, im—“ He can’t get the sentence out as his cock starts to pulsate, his balls tightening as he realises he’s about to follow along with you.

He gives a final, deep and hard thrust that brings him to his orgasm. You feel the heat of his come inside of you as the movements of his hips become sloppy with each squeeze of his cock.

The strength of his climax is only amplified by you edging him accidentally earlier, he feels this in his bones.

“Yessss—“ The feeling of him emptying out in your cunt is like heaven, “give it all to me, Captain.”

“Want all my come huh, fuckin’ filthy thing?” He rasps, body hunched over at the heat still bursting through his whole body.

You both ride out your highs with eachother. Hands coming to touch eachother all over as your bodies begin to slow down. His palms skate over your breasts, and your own fingers run up and down his tensed arms. The two of you start to stop shaking and squeezing as the high of your orgasms naturally close out.

The sound of panting is all that fills the room. Breaths laboured and exhausted.

“Baby,” he says, sounding entirely out of breath, “took me so good.”

He leans down to kiss you gently, and you whine against his lips, unable to find the words for anything that just happened.

Slowly, you make out with eachother. Tongues licking gently along lips and against one another. An entirely different sort of intimacy from the sex you just had, and a silent form of a thank you as he slides his cock out of you.

He groans into your mouth as he does it, feeling sensitive as he slips out of your warmth. He pulls away to look at the state of you, something he’s not willing to miss.

The sight was something he wish he could capture forever— no matter how filthy it sounds. Your pussy is swollen, all fucked out as his come is starting to drip out of you.

You watch him stare, a prideful smirk on his lips at the mess he’s made of you. Chocolate curls over his forehead, cheeks and lips flushed a warm red, and his tan skin glistening in a sweat.

Looking at him is like looking at a painting.

He longs to lean down and clean you up with his mouth, but it’s clear how exhausted you both are, so he gets up instead— despite you begging him to stay, he kisses your forehead, “Just getting a cloth to clean y’up. I’m coming back.”

Running water over a washcloth in the bathroom, he comes back out to wipe the fresh and damp material over you. You whine at the touch, the area sensitive from two intense orgasms. Despite the dirty nature of it, it makes him smile softly.

Tending to you after he’s fucked you breathless is almost half the treat. Watching you smile back at him, how content you look. Knowing you’re safe in his company.

Once you’re cleaned up, he chucks the dirtied cloth back in the bathroom to be dealt with later, not wasting any more time and coming to lay back down with you.

“Thank you.” You whispered, now that your brain is clearing you’re becoming unsure what to do now. Do you act as normal? He senses your sudden unease like instinct, wrapping a hand around your waist and tugging you into his chest.

“Don’t be shy, y’fine dove.” He kisses you again, hand running over your side comfortingly, “just had m’cock in you, no room left for that.”

You nod into the gentle kiss he’s giving you, pressing your body to his as you feel less anxious now he’s affirming everything is okay.

As you both lay with eachother, softly touching skin, you wonder what this will change. How the after effects of this will alter the future.

You’re hyperaware standing on top of a precipice of change. Despite wishing you could act naive, and attempt to believe that everything can go back as it once was— you know that will never happen. It’s something you’re both excited and terrified of. But in this moment, with the way the captain of this ship is holding you, touching you, kissing you— you can’t help but feel like everything is going to be alright.

———

taglist:

@saturnheartz @slap-me-harry @ilovehsstuff @ameerakane20 @matildasatellite @harrysslut7 @sunflowersey @styleswiftie @anotheryoutubefanpage @straightontilmornin @oknothanks26 @closureesny @angel-upon @brother-lauren @maddie7writes @tenaciousperfectionunknown

let me know if you want to be added to the taglist for the next part<3

another a/n:

wow!! so hello

mini catchup on me being absent for literally half of last year!! 2024 I was sooo busy with my studies, but you’d all be proud since I pulled some really good grades last year, so my absence in creative writing field on tumblr did have a reason and at the very least paid off. but I missed posting soo much and I’m so happy to be back. unbelievably grateful for how many messages and inboxes I got about my writing over last year as well, I love you all so much.

i literally can’t believe it’s been so long since part 3 of pirates gold was released. really left yall high and dry😔 hopefully not after this part, I swear this is the longest piece I’ve ever wrote on tumblr, so I hope you all have enjoyed it. I have plenty of plans for part 5 in my notes app so yall keep ur eye out for that.

thank you for not only reading my silly authors note, but for reading this next part. your support means the world, and I am planning on being much more active this year so get excited for heaps of oneshots and other tidbits.

much love to you all, stay safe and hydrated I’ll see you very soon!!

P.S ALSO IM SO SORRY FOR ANY TYPOS I MISSED💔 I have reread this as much as my brain will allow me the last week, I will be making edits over the next little while to fix those mistakes but hopefully there’s not too many x

[bullet-prooflove]

Two Years: Michael "Mikey" Berzatto x Reader

Tagging: @mckinleysbones @savemeaimeemann @wabi-sabi1090 @trublu2u @navs-bhat

Companion piece to:

Mess - Mikey tries to prove to you both he made the right decision by leaving.

A Fucking Saint - Mikey thinks you're a fucking saint for putting up with him all these years.

Tomorrow - A chance run in at the grocery store leads Mikey to break a bad habit.

The Diagnosis - Mikey recieves an explaination regarding his behaviour and addiction issues.

Save It (NSFW) - Mikey tries to apologise for all the terrible shit he's done over the years.

Wild - You and Mikey have discuss three things you love about him.

In the aftermath of Mikey’s diagnosis, he starts to fall in love again, not with you, that was never in question, but with the life the two of you begin to build together.

The mornings he wakes up tangled up in you, your bare skin pressed against his as the sun filters in through the blinds. The breakfast he makes while you’re in the shower because his baby needs to keep her strength up if she’s going to get through the day teaching all those pint sized hellions.

On your days off the two of you tour the city, hand in hand, in search of the best gelato, the best cannoli, the donut. You argue the merits of each one, devising your own scoring system. In the evenings he watches the TV with his head in your lap, your fingers combing lightly through his hair. It’s the most content and most stable he’s been in years.

It starts to bleed into his work life. He becomes more organised. Invoices get paid on time, the atmosphere more jovial. The Beef starts to turn over a profit again and finally it feels like Mikey can breathe.

It continues like that for almost two years, right up until the accident.

The two of you are driving back from the movie theatre when a drunk driver hurtles right through a red light and careens into your car. Mikey will never forget waking up to the scent of copper and gasoline, your lifeless eyes staring back at him.

Killed on impact, he's told later, his head still spinning from the concussion.

He falls apart after that, starts drinking again. He swaps his bipolar medicine for Oxy because Mikey, he can’t cope with all of the grief that boils up inside of him. Every day it simmers underneath the surface of his skin, gnawing at his insides, chewing up his heart.

It should have been me, he tells Richie as he stands on the bridge where he’d written both of your names onto a padlock and clipped it to the mesh. It should have been me that was killed in that crash.

It’s that night he finds himself in his mother’s bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. He’s started staying here again because he can’t stand the thought of going back to the house the two of you shared. His hand comes to rest on the gun residing on the vanity. It feels heavier today, more weighty. He knows that’s because he hadn’t taken the bullets out this time.

He closes his eyes and he remembers that smile, the one that used to light up his entire world and he starts to cry because his memory, it doesn’t do the real thing any justice. It doesn’t feel like the sun warming his skin, or fill his heart with lightness. It just hurts, it hurts so fucking bad he just wants the pain to stop and he knows there’s only one way to do it.

“I'm on my way baby.” He whispers as he raises the gun to his temple, his finger squeezing the trigger. “I’m on my way.”

Love Mikey? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[angelanimedesaray]

Wings in the Dark Chapter 30: Stability

AN:  *Comes back after a year since this was written, grabs the old an about coming back with a bang and throws it in the trash, turns to the audience*

SO

I am a year or so or however long its been older and wiser and a pending bipolar and/or adhd diagnosis in limbo until I drag my ass to the doctor, cat got hit by a car, really bad financial drama happened at work that may have been the worst stressor ever we will NOT get into--THINGS HAPPENED!

And I know better than to make any promises with my fickleness, but i'm trying, this story is always in my brain (As well as a sw fanfic but that's not for here) and I have no intention of leaving this story untold, I even came back with new ideas to add to the space of five years between fall of the wall and appearance of Eren I was puzzling over when i went on hiatus. BUT we have all seen the patterns, I will go on hiatus' and randomly come back with more chapters. Hopefully this time I stick with it a bit longer, I had at least two chapters written before I disappeared, so you'll AT LEAST get those.

Oh, and before I turn it over to the content, year+ ago me wanted you to know I was getting back into writing the characters and to forgive characterization inconsistencies while I got back into it, this chapter went through 5 rewrites before it got to this state, and apparently had some whiplash with the song vibes as I was listening to Call of Silence from the OST and Till It Hurts by Yellow Claw on a two song repeat writing this last draft.

Also, new WITD divider image from saradika-graphics here on tumblr

Okay, have fun! I'm going to go work on chapter 32! I'll tell you where I'm at writing wise NOW when we get to that chapter O.o

Characters:  Levi, Vampire!Fem!Reader, Erwin, OC Vampire Character (Emery), Eld (Briefly)

Pairing:  Levi x Vampire!Fem!Reader

Warnings:  Language, Blood Drinking (Discussed), Spice but not Smut (Biting, Making Out, steamy stuff like that)

Word Count:  11922

<---Previous Chapter Masterlist Next Chapter---->

*Reader’s POV*

The state of the Underground hadn’t gotten any better since you’d last been here.

Not that you expected it to, the place reeked, was drenched in filth and stale air, and there were people lurking in the shadows that were either on death’s door or were leering at passerby’s waiting for someone that looked like an easy mark or seemed to have something worth taking.

While you and Emery traveled into the depths of the dark city, you glared at anyone that looked your way and thought the fresh and youthful faced Emery was an easy mark, easily scaring them off with your more imposing presence that threatened death at best if they tried to mark your companion for their crimes.  Emery, at least, seemed to have heard enough stories about the Underground, or had indeed taken to heart your many warnings and briefings on the way down here, and stayed a half step behind you the whole time despite his own vampiric strength being capable of keeping him safe from nearly every thug and shadowy individual the two of you passed.

It was a good thing you’d been careful to teach him how to block out sensory information before delving down here–he’d only gagged seven times since coming down here when his concentration slipped, which wasn’t bad at all.

As you reached the darker depths of the Underground, the places where the shadows loomed darker, the mud never truly dried, and a presence of dread pressed upon passerbys, you gestured for Emery to follow you into one of the abandoned buildings a couple blocks in, allowing the two of you at least a moment to pause and make sure you were both prepared for what came next.

Namely, Emery.

When you turned to look at him, you could see even in the shut in darkness of the empty warehouse how pale he looked, and not just from thirst.  There was a tremble in his hand, and he swallowed painfully loudly when your gaze met his.

“I don’t want to do this,” Emery hissed softly into the darkness.  He’d been gradually getting worse as the days passed, and you had discovered he’d been preying on birds and squirrels and other small animals that happened to be in the immediate area around the cave in an attempt to keep himself satiated.  However, there wasn’t enough to keep the thirst at bay, and eventually he’d had no choice but to relent and follow you to satisfy the craving.  That didn’t mean that he fully agreed.  Or that he was willing.  He was just running out of options, and the hunger was starting to take precedence, even over his morality.

Considering he was digging in his heels again, though, that resistance was still there.

You sighed, running your fingers through your hair under your cloak as you gazed back at the terrified young man.  “Emery, we’ve been through this–”

“No, I know what you’re going to say, but I can’t do this, I don’t want to kill anyone,” Emery hissed back in the darkness, panic coloring his tone.

“I understand that, believe me, I do–”

“No, you don’t, not really, otherwise you wouldn’t be pushing me to do this, you wouldn’t have done this yourself, I don’t want to be a monster–” Emery panicked, starting to work himself into hysterics.  You had to get a grasp on this before it spiraled out of control.

Burying the slash of pain in your chest at the statement calling you and what you’d done to survive in the past monstrous, you carefully stepped up to the young man who was starting to hyperventilate in front of you, placing gentle hands on his arms to try and soothe him.  “Emery, breathe…deep breaths…you need to settle down, before you draw attention to us,” you told him seriously but in as gentle of a tone as you could manage, trying to catch his gaze as it darted around at your surroundings.

You’d been slowly refining this speech for this moment, specifically, and you sincerely hoped that it was going to be good enough to convince him, this time.

“I do understand, because I’ve been where you’re at, right now.  And in the past I was so scared of myself and of hurting–killing–other people, I tried to die before I could.  Clearly it didn’t work, but…I do understand that fear,” you said steadily, feeling a brief flash of relief when Emery looked at you with wide eyes at the little bit of yourself you offered him to get him to see that you did, in fact, understand the feelings he was struggling with.  “I don’t want to make you a monster or a murderer, Emery.  I’m trying to help you avoid that, in the long run.  But right now, it can’t be helped.  You have to drink to survive.  But you don’t have the control for a donor even if I could find you one, the forest animals aren’t enough for you to live on, and the animals not only are vital to the people starving because of a food shortage right now, but as long as you’re drinking from them, you’re never going to be able to learn the control to be around people again without being a threat to them.  It’s ugly, and dark, and messy, and bloody, but you have to go through this stage first before you can get better.”

You squeezed his shoulders in reassurance, making sure to hold his gaze.  “You don’t have to go through this alone like I did, though.  I’m here to help you, okay?  You’ll get through this, and eventually you won’t have to kill to survive anymore.  But you have to get through this part, first, and that’s what I’m trying to help you do, but you have to let me.”

Emery’s eyes seemed to shine even in the darkness, expression distraught and lost as his shoulders sagged under your hands.  “I can’t…I can’t take hurting anyone else.  I can’t do it…”

Your heart throbbed, looking up and around at the warehouse around you as if it might give you answers, while the teenager in front of you struggled not to sob with the enhanced despair crushing down on his too-pure soul for this bloody life.

There was no way you were going to get him to hunt on his own tonight.  He wasn’t capable of that same thing you could do where you could mentally and emotionally distance yourself from the kill, compartmentalize it into a dark bloody box in the recesses of your mind and let it hurt like a dull ache at the bottom of your heart when your thoughts wandered to its contents.  But he needed blood, or he was going to get dangerous, and he needed to start learning this so he could be more self-sufficient.  You couldn’t keep leaving him to small fuzzy animals in the wilds and the dark solitude of a cave, which was all he would get if he didn’t make this step.

…you could at least meet him halfway.  He wasn’t ready to do this himself, wasn’t ready for a kill, was in no state for it tonight and probably wouldn’t be for some time still.  But there were still things you could do to compromise, to help him make progress without pushing him to do this thing he was terrified to do, and justifiably.

You could save the philosophical discussion about killing to survive and if vampires killing for the blood they needed to live fell into that grace area or not another time, when he was well fed and you weren’t standing in an abandoned building in one of the more dangerous parts of the Underground.  Right now, you just had to get him to feed.

“Okay.  I’m not going to make you do something you can’t do, Emery,” you tell him softly, and his shaking, half sobbed breaths caught for a moment at the statement.  You didn’t judge him for how quickly he fell into tears and sobs, knowing he was still struggling with the emotional control and this was, after all, a highly charged and emotional topic–and he was, immortal or not, a literal kid–a teenager.  “But you still need to learn to hunt properly, and we need to start actively teaching you control.  I’ll do the dirty work tonight.  I’ll teach you how to do the hunt, you’ll do most of it under my supervision, but I’ll make the kill and you can have the blood afterwards.  It will still be good long enough for you to take what you need, it takes a little while for the blood to go stagnant and…sour, so to speak, to dead man’s blood.”

Emery still looked ill, but he recognized this compromise you were offering him for the gift it was.  Not having to do the act itself…he would still be complicit, yes, but at least his hands wouldn’t be directly bloody.  That’s what you were thinking, anyway, why you offered it.

“I don’t know if I can…choose who lives and dies like that,” Emery said in a hushed tone, though his shaking had eased and he seemed to be calming down.

“Then I’ll pick the target–this time.  I’ll show you how it’s done, and you just watch…you don’t have to watch me kill them, though.  Just be ready to hurry over to start drinking before the blood can go stale.  Deal?” you compromised again.

Emery hesitated.  He was far too gentle.  Whoever had made this poor kid into a vampire was cruel, putting someone with this much kindness and passivity in his heart into this position where he had to spill blood to survive, where being around people tempted him to go into a blood haze, to rend and murder anyone in its path, until he could gain control of his new alien bloodlust.

Gentle hearts did not mix well with vampirism.  This wasn’t going to be easy for him.  In fact, it was likely to be more hellish on the heart and soul for Emery than it had been for you.  After you had turned, you'd gradually discovered steel in your spine and fire in your heart; that you could be sharp as a blade and hard as the walls when you needed to survive.  Either Emery didn't have that at all, or he just hadn't found it yet.

Hopefully the latter was the case, for both your sakes.

“Okay,” he murmured in a voice so soft you almost didn’t hear it.  He seemed to go weak in the knees after agreeing, like his agreement to the bloodshed had been some kind of physical blow.

You gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder before you released him, keeping an eye on him to make sure he wasn’t going to sway and topple over once you let him go before you turned your attention back to the Underground that stretched out around you outside the abandoned building.

“We’ll talk more about survival and morality and everything else, later.  First…I’ll get you some blood,” you murmured, steps sure all the way to the doorway, waiting until Emery reluctantly fell into step behind you before your footsteps turned into a hunter’s prowl, and you started the ritual you hadn’t needed to execute since Levi had offered you the alternative you wished desperately to give the gentle-hearted kid you’d been teaching the past few weeks.

Later.  You could reflect on this later.  For now…the hunt.

*Levi’s POV*

She was back much earlier than he’d been expecting.

Levi had gone through his tea a lot faster than normal, already on the third cup and having switched from regular black tea to poking through his options once or twice to try and find something that would help him stay awake and alert like he wanted but would also help calm down his damn nerves.  He was seated at one of the corner tables that gave him a better chance at being overlooked by any late night visitors, one hand continued to fill out the paperwork he’d brought to distract him between the page turns and the time it took him to read what was in front of him, while the other traced along the rim of his freshly made cup of tea, still fresh enough that steam wafted into the air a few shades lighter than the smoke burning from the candle flame.  He’d found it ridiculously difficult to focus on his paperwork, yet his gaze kept flickering to the candle shedding the light he was working by, unable to stop looking as it slowly melted, tracking each half hour that she was down there in the Underdark.  It felt like he was hyper aware of every minute that slipped by, which made it frustratingly difficult to successfully distract himself with his work while he waited for her return.

He had yet to successfully distract himself and stop glancing over at the candle when she did appear, still wrapped up in her plain cloak with a deep frown marring her features as she stepped inside, immediately garnering Levi’s attention.

“What the hell are you doing back so early?” Levi asked, paperwork quickly forgotten at the sight of her.  The only reasons she would be back this early was if something had gone very wrong, or if things had progressed much faster and smoother than she had been anticipating.

Given their track record with the Underground, Levi wasn’t going to get his hopes high that it was anything other than bad.

Y/N’s gaze flickered over to him, but she didn’t deviate from her course towards the kitchens.  “Let me get something to drink, first, and I’ll tell you what happened,” she offered.

As she passed, Levi did a quick glance over her just to make sure she was at least outwardly fine.  No blood on her cloak, though she usually washed away any she may have gotten on her before returning to headquarters, she wasn’t moving strange, there wasn’t anything that looked scuffed or dirty, she didn’t seem to be hurt–aside from the frown, she seemed fine, which was a bit of consolation despite the concern her early return and the frown on her face stirred up.

Even though he could see that outwardly, physically, she was fine, he still didn’t wait.  She’d barely entered the kitchen before he decided he was going to follow, getting up to enter the kitchen after her, where she had already discovered the tea kettle Levi had been using, teacup in hand and ready to start making herself the usual cup of chamomile.

Levi crossed the room before she could even finish turning around to face him, a bit of surprise on her face when she found him already in her personal space, one of his hands reaching out to cover her hand resting on the teacup, keeping both hand and cup still against the counter while keeping her in place as his other hand reached out to brace against the counter on her other side.  He studied her closer, attempting to gauge from her eyes and the way she was acting just how bad it had been.

“Tell me what happened,” Levi said, firm enough to be borderline a command, but soft enough that his voice betrayed the worry that was spurring on the inquiry that couldn’t even wait for her to brew a cup of tea.

Y/N’s startled expression only stayed for a few more moments before it softened, a hand coming up to rest on his cheek with her fingertips curling gently along his jawline to soothe him.  It did work a bit–he couldn’t help the way he reacted to the touch, the warmth and the comfort that started to spread through him at such a tender gesture–though it didn’t erase the worry coursing through him.

“Nothing serious happened, Levi, not in the way you’re probably thinking right now,” she soothed him, though his tension didn’t melt away due to the spark of worry she couldn’t hide in her eyes–there was still something to be concerned about.  “There weren’t any hunters, there weren’t any hitches in the hunt itself, no other vampires crept up–nothing serious like that.”

“But something still happened,” Levi deadpanned, gaze unwavering from her own, especially since it kept giving her away–the flash of unease at his statement, for example.  Her eliminating other vampires and hunters and remarking that the hunt went smoothly meant that it had to be Emery, based on what information Levi did have.

Did the bloodlust come a little too easily for her to be comfortable?  Did she get more confirmation of his ripper tendencies?  She spoke highly of the kid’s character, or at the very least kept reiterating how he was tender and gentle and good hearted, but Levi had not–and she had better not–forgotten what he was capable of, the potential violence he could grow into and the kind of real monster it could breed.  All the kindness and even personal bonds in the world wasn’t enough in the face of a vampire’s first years of thirst, as Y/N’s gruesome story of how she’d been turned and the butcher Emery had caused at the scent of blood bleakly attested to.

Standing this close to her, he could still smell a faint whiff of the Underground on her, and alongside it, the faintest hint of blood.  Something he didn’t expect to catch on her if Emery was the one that was supposed to be doing the killing.

Before he could finish making the connections, she finally spoke up, sighing wearily before she let her hand trail down from his cheek to rest gently over his heart, the other hand still trapped within Levi’s own against the counter.

“Emery couldn’t do it, so I had to,” she finally said.  “I don’t know how much of a role his heightened emotions that he still hasn’t gotten control of play in it, how much of it is stalwartly at his core, but he’s just too…soft-hearted.  Normally I say being a gentle person isn’t a bad thing, but in this case he just…started to shatter on the spot, fell right into hysterics, could not do it, so I had to compromise.  Told him to watch and try to learn what I was doing, but I would do the actual hunt and he could reap the results so he’s not still starving up in that mountain.”

She looked off to the side where the tea kettle was still sitting as she spoke.  “I don’t know what I’m going to do if he can’t get past this, make this work in a way for him that will allow him a bit of self sufficiency when it comes to his survival.  I’m not even sure how to teach him this if this is my starting point, I wasn’t expecting it to be at this point.  If he can’t get past this, if he continues to outright refuse like he did tonight…I can’t hunt for him forever, he can’t feed on animals, he won’t be able to compel anyone for decades–I can’t even do that yet.  I’m not sure what to do with him, now.”

Levi had listened closely through her explanation, studying her quietly and turning over the information she gave him in his mind as he considered what he should say, taking care to try and figure out the right words to use considering this was a topic that touched on some sensitive topics she was still carrying around with her.  Since she was still looking away as she finished speaking, Levi reached out to gently grasp her chin and tilt her head back towards him, thumb briefly stroking side to side across her chin.

On the one hand, the news was quick to rile his anger, gaze narrowing slightly to hear that she had needed to take matters into her own hands and get even more blood on them, even though she was supposed to be finally free of taking human life to survive with Levi providing her blood, instead.  She was supposed to be working to wash the blood off like she had told him was part of her intention for being here, now that she wasn’t adding any more–or wasn’t supposed to be, anyway.  They’d been arguing about the risk to her going back Underground, how much danger it put her in–Levi hadn’t even brought up how crucial of a part she was starting to play in the Scouts and how putting her in danger was also threatening to deal a harsh blow to the Scouts and their improving death rates arguably when it mattered most that they continue to progress.  She was taking these risks, putting herself back in danger, now getting more blood on her hands to try and help this kid, and he wasn’t making an attempt to make this work?  She wasn’t talking about backing out, she was upset about not knowing what to do next to help him.  If she kept going down there and doing this for the young vampire, if she kept putting herself in increasing danger and he continued to refuse to follow what she was trying to teach him…

He could see this ending very badly if it continued in this direction, and could see her bearing the brunt of it.  But he could also see why she was doing it, why she was still inclined to find a way to make it work.  What she saw of this kid told her that he was a good kid–too good, ironically, since therein lay the crux of the issue–and it was a reassurance that he didn’t take human life so lightly, that it was something he was truly struggling with…

But it wasn’t so cut and dry.  Emery’s decisions about this were going to have an impact far beyond him, were going to affect Y/N, and by extension the Scouts.  And if he didn’t learn to control himself, didn’t put in the work–as bloody as it was–to get to a similar place as Y/N, then a lot of people–more innocent people–were going to suffer and die along the way for it, either directly or indirectly.  There wasn’t really a good choice here, but when the hell was there?  The choice the kid had in front of him was to either learn to control himself, not hurt as many people, and try to direct the carnage away from the more innocent until he developed the control and connections to get to a similar place as Y/N in the future, or he could continue to refuse, never really learning how to control his thirst, any human that bleeds around him always under great threat, some even just needing to get near him to be in danger, and Y/N possibly suffering deadly consequences for it–Levi could lose her along that path despite having just started to really have her in his life, not to mention the Scouts and Humanity would lose their best weapon against the titans and chance for more people surviving in that worse case scenario.

Levi knew exactly what choice Emery should make, in Levi’s mind–Levi would have already made it by now if he could.  The second choice wasn’t an option Levi was going to accept, at least not to that extent.  It didn’t make the first choice right, per say–Levi and Y/N had already had the complicated discussions about her old diet, and Levi had already made his feelings on the matter clear back then.  But Levi wasn’t going to let the situation develop to the point that many people suffered for the inaction of one teenage vampire.  And if Emery wanted to follow along the second path, then Y/N wasn’t going to get caught in the crossfires for it, she’d have to cut her losses before the situation got any worse.

Levi’s hand tightened around Y/N’s as he came to his resolution, gaze roaming over her features.  This could easily become another fight...

“You’re not going to have to hunt for him anymore,” Levi said decisively.  Y/N’s gaze turned wary in the face of the hard edge in Levi’s eyes, and Levi let go of her chin and pushed away, taking the teacup that had been in her hand in the process as he headed over to the tea kettle.

“I will if I can’t get him out of his own head and convince him to actually hunt, which was what I was trying to do before we went out today…not that it worked.”

Levi took a few seconds to start making her tea for her, giving himself the little extra time to put the right words together.

“You see yourself in him,” Levi stated, simply summing up the conversation they’d had the night they’d returned from the chaos of the fall of Wall Maria.  “You want to treat him gently, because you wish someone had been there for you that way when you first turned.”

Her silence was enough confirmation for him to continue.

“But you can’t.  Back then, there was only you at stake.  For him, there’s a hell of a lot more damage that’ll be done if this goes south,” Levi said flatly, coming back over to where she was standing to hand her the cup.  She took it wordlessly, but the look on her face was…less than pleased.  Well, she wasn’t going to get any happier with what else he had to say.

“He’s not you, and you’re not him, so stop comparing.  You were able to figure out your situation and make quick choices to survive and stuck with it, took the consequences.  He’s indecisive and dragging his feet, making a shitstorm that could affect a hell of a lot more people.  He doesn’t need coddled right now.  He needs to get a face-full of the reality of the situation he’s in and make a choice.  That way you know if you need to get out before you pay for it, or if he’s going to step up and put in some effort to survive.”

Y/N hesitated, both hands curled around her cup.  “I don’t want to push him too hard too fast, it’s always like he’s a few seconds away from shattering.  And it’s hard to be harsh with him, knowing what he’s going through, how terrifying it all is.”

We’re all just a bunch of bleeding hearts, it seems.

Levi sighed, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back against the table behind him, fixing his stare on her.  “If you won’t give him a reality check, then I will.”

Her head snapped up at that, gaze a lot sharper and focused now, eyes narrowed on him.  “I thought we were done having the discussion of why that’s a bad idea, and you going anywhere near him isn’t going to happen?”

“The situation’s changed.  Again.  If you don’t want to push him, then someone else needs to step in and do it.  I’m the obvious choice.”

As always, at this rate.

“Levi–”

“No,” Levi cut her off, tone a bit harsher than he intended.  “It’d be safer if I wasn’t around him, he doesn’t have control, I know, you’ve made all that clear.  He already knows you have a human…” Levi paused, not sure he knew what the hell to label himself in this situation.  “...whatever, and part of the reason you’ve been allowed to go forward with this is your insistence you can control him.”

“I’m not setting up a meeting between you two.  It’d be too dangerous, too unpredictable and–”

“And the titans aren’t?” Levi snapped back.  “If I can handle you in a spar, I can handle the kid.  Between the two of us, we can manage if he loses his shit.”

He wasn’t insane enough to go alone, otherwise he’d have just done it himself already.  And the two of them were the best equipped to handle vampires.  Sure, there were all kinds of ways it could go, but if both of them were there and prepared to do damage control, they had a better chance of keeping the situation contained with little to no fallout.

And this would give him the chance to size up Emery for himself and get a good read on the kid.

“I’m not dangling you in front of Emery with how little control he has–he may not even be capable of listening to you around any bloodlust he ends up having, which would defeat the whole point of you meeting him.”

“If you want to help this kid, I can’t go to Erwin with ‘it didn’t go well, the kids refusing to learn, Y/N doesn’t know what to do’.  Erwin will cut the loss,” Levi said flatly.  “You’ve been trying to prepare him for this your way–it didn’t work.  Even if he ends up too blood crazy to speak to, I can’t give you any better advice until I see for myself.”

The two of them had a stare down in silence for several long moments, waiting to see who would back out, first.  Levi wasn’t going to budge.  He’d let her try, let her have her way, they’d scrapped over it, he’d relented, but now…now, she really did need him involved if this was going to work.  She was being far too gentle with Emery at the moment.

Not that Levi didn’t pity the poor kid.  Y/N had been an adult when she was turned, albeit barely.  This kid was in the middle of his teenage years, which probably didn’t help with the erratic emotions.  And it truly was a shit situation to be in, to be a freshly turned vampire–even worse at a time like this with the recent fall of a wall and massive food shortage.  But pitying the situation wasn’t going to do anything to get him out of it, and pity wasn’t going to do shit in making sure the kid wasn’t frozen up decision wise anymore and not putting himself and Y/N at risk.

“Fine.  Fine.” Y/N finally relented, looking away and taking a long drink out of her cup, looking more frustrated than Levi had seen her in a while.  “But we’re doing it my way.  How we arrange and go about it, I mean,” she added when she saw Levi was about to correct her.  Giving Emery a reality check was going to be done Levi’s way.

“Sooner, not later,” Levi stressed.

“I know, just…give me time to give him the heads up first, try to talk about what happened and tell him you’re going to be coming to meet him, because of how…poorly, it went.”

“I’ll make sure you have free time today to go see him.”

“And when you two do meet, we’ll do it during the day, so you can have the added protection of the sun.  You can stand outside the cave, and he won’t be able to come near you, not even if he was in a blood frenzy.  Though it’ll also be more of a trip, since we’re headed up a mountain on the northwestern side of Wall Sina.”

“We can get an official excuse set up with Erwin.”

A silence fell over the room between them, Y/N continuing to sip on the tea.  He still had his in the other room, and paperwork, but there were more personal things he wanted to do and say with her…They probably needed to leave the mess hall, anyway.  It was only an old habit that had Levi set up here to wait for her this time, but if Emery got over his indecision and they kept going to the Underground while he learned, then in the future…

“Let me get my shit, and we’ll head up to my office.  Last thing we need is some moon eyed rookie wandering in while we’re talking,” Levi said to break the silence, getting up to head back to the dining area.  Y/N finished her tea and shadowed him without hesitation, staying a couple steps behind along the way.  

Levi started to gather up the paperwork, trying to get the tea he’d left sitting by the papers down before they left and while there was still heat to it.  As he did, Y/N came up behind him, her hand brushing gently along his back and remaining on his shoulder blade as she leaned over beside him, helping him gather up the candles and a fair share of his stack.

Levi felt a little of his inner tension drain away at the touch and gesture.  She wasn’t angry at him, then, and no fight.  Some resistance, some frustration…but no fight.  Good…good, she understood, she accepted it, they weren’t going to have to muscle through another rocky spot with each other.  She was going to accept the help.

She had asked.  She might not like the way he was going to help, but she had asked for help when she opened up to him about not knowing what to do about the situation.

“Do you want help with some of this?”

Levi glanced over at the half of the stack she had in her hand.  It was a lot of paperwork, he’d left enough to keep him busy through the night on purpose.  But he needed to actually take in the information, put his own signature on things…

“No.”

She looked at him, studying his expression as he leaned over to add the small stack he’d already worked through on top.  As he straightened, she leaned over to kiss his cheek, holding the stack in her arms tighter to her.

“I’ll just help where I can fill in information, then,” she mused, already pulling away to start walking now that they had everything gathered between the two of them.

“Tch…”

But he didn’t say she shouldn’t, and the sound of protest was soft.  He didn’t actually mind…it was a good excuse for her to stay a bit longer.

The hour was still late enough that their trip from the mess hall to Levi's office was undisturbed, a comfortable silence between them as they traversed the halls.  Once inside, Levi still made sure that the door was locked behind them to make sure no one could interrupt, just in case.  He didn't expect anyone to come knocking at this time of night if Y/N was already here, but with their track record, he'd rather be safe than sorry.

Levi and Y/N both made their way to his desk, setting their respective piles on the surface before they took seats at opposite sides of the desk. Levi shook his head at her insistence to pitch in with his paperwork, but didn't protest, and they fell into a comfortable routine surprisingly fast.

There were the usual finished and unfinished stacks, of course, but Y/N had also created smaller stacks by the unfinished pile, one that was paperwork she'd filled out for him but still needed read or signed, and another for pages she couldn't help with.  As they both added to or took from the piles, their knuckles would occasionally brush against one another, fingertips lingering the few times she handed him a document when they would finish at the same time.

Levi found the work going by much faster, more comfortably, with her there…and not just because she was doing a small portion of it for him.  The pages went by faster, the work didn't feel so tiring, and suddenly there were only a few stray papers in the piles she'd sorted for him left to do.  Y/N had wandered over to the couch once she'd done what she could, laying down with a soft whoosh of air that barely resembled a sigh.  She didn't speak while Levi continued to work, the candlelight growing smaller and the shadows longer until Levi decided enough was enough.  What remained were pages he could do in the morning, there were other things he could be doing right now–and wanted to do.

Levi carefully removed his cravat, fingers brushing against the bandage he'd forgotten was hidden beneath.  It definitely stopped bleeding by now, he could probably take the damned thing off.

It was a slight detour, but he came back minus a jacket, cravat, and bandage, the small bite wound properly cleaned up and hardly noticeable, and Y/N was still stretched out on the couch, having not made a sound or so much as twitched.

…Dammit, she's asleep, isn't she?

Levi didn't even have to come all the way around the couch to confirm it, he could peer over the edge and see that she was passed out asleep, lips parted, head turned into the cushions and pillowed under one arm, breathing slow and deep.

So much for spending a bit of one on one time together before getting some sleep.  He’d been hoping to have a bit of time to set aside business and the serious stuff and simply reassure himself that she was all right and with him, but if this was the most he would get…

His sigh was admittedly a disappointed one, even as he leaned against the edge of the couch with folded arms and watched her for a few moments.  How comfortable did she have to be around him to fall asleep on the not-that-comfortable couch that quickly, and with so little fuss?

She’d come a long way to get where she was now.  To go from scared barely adult just turned vampire driven underground, to now a cornerstone member of the Scouts (even if it was behind closed doors, only), improving the safety of the formations so they didn’t lose as many people, making plans that actually sounded plausible with Hange to help them capture and learn more about titans, she had friends, she had him–whatever they were, Levi still didn’t know what to label it.  She’d come here to find a way to make her abilities as a vampire helpful to other people, to make the lives she’d had to take in order to survive and stay strong enough to survive worth something, and so far, it seemed she was in step with that goal.

And he wasn’t going to let anyone threaten to destroy that progress, not when she’d crawled her way here over the past few decades and was just starting to get a taste of freedom and happiness again, despite the insanity of all the ways the world seemed to be going to shit right now.

Levi straightened up from the couch and made his way over by the door, where his Scout cloak was hanging up.  He snatched it off its hook without even looking, coming back over to where Y/N had passed out on his couch and carefully throwing it over the sleeping woman’s shoulders, taking the time to make sure that it was arranged in a way that would be comfortable for her and actually keep her warm.  His hand lingered briefly on her shoulder, gazing at her still sleeping form for a few seconds before he made himself pull away, heading over to the desk to finish off those last few pages of paperwork he would have made wait for morning if she’d still been awake.  Hopefully, when he finished, he’d be able to catch a few hours of sleep, himself. 

He did, of course, finish his paperwork not long after his discovery that Y/N had fallen asleep, and after making sure the fire would last a bit longer into the night and everything was where it needed to be, he had settled back into the chair behind his desk, closing his eyes and simply listening to the soft sound of her breaths in the room and the crackle of the fire.  He didn’t even notice when the moment of peace turned to drowsiness, or how quickly he fell asleep after those first few content moments just listening and relishing the moment.

When he started to come to again, it was to the crackle of a fresh fire, the faintest aroma of black tea leaves in the room, the pouring of water and light chink of porcelain, soft, barely heard steps and movements…

Levi was still lifting his head, still coming to a full awareness of the room around him when the steps drew closer, and the lightest touch brushed across his shoulder, causing him to tense for the first few heartbeats that he didn’t know where it was coming from before the familiar voice followed the tender touch.

“Good morning,” Y/N’s voice said softly just off to his side, causing Levi to blearily blink open his eyes to peer up at her, squinting against the light but relaxing against her touch once he realized it was her.  He felt her lips press gently against the top of his head, feeling a warmth slowly settle over him at the affection that made it a little more difficult to shake off the morning grogginess.

His neck was a little stiff from how he’d been sleeping slouched over in his chair.  He was also realizing that something was draped over him, giving him a thin shield against the chill of the room until the fire warmed it again, hand rising underneath it to discover the familiar feel of his cloak against his fingers.  She must have put it around him in turn when she’d woken up.

“I just started heating up water for tea, it shouldn't be too long,” she continued in her quiet tone, and Levi hummed in response, leaning into the gentle touch upon his shoulder blade now that he realized it was her.  He could certainly use the tea right now, he might have actually gotten a couple hours last night, and it was taking him a few seconds to shake himself out of the sleepy, guard down stupor.

Speaking of last night…

Levi started to sit up, hair tickling along his eyebrows, one hand tugging the cloak down, allowing it to fall to his lap.  “You fell asleep before I could finish my work,” he rumbled, voice still sounding gruff even to his ears from just waking up.

What time was it?  How much later than normal was it?  His paperwork was done, at least, but he had meetings he had to do with Erwin now, training they still had to go through, coordinating with Y/N later about the Emery situation…

Depending on how much he’d slept in, he didn’t have the time to do what he’d been hoping for last night.  If she hadn’t fallen asleep, he could have spent a couple hours with her winding down from the day without any work in the way, but now, the day was already calling–especially because he may be running behind.

Y/N’s hand slipped away from his shoulder, her footsteps moving away from him and likely over to finish making the tea.  “I didn’t mean to–I guess I just got too comfortable?  One minute I was just listening to you and the next–”

It was too soon after waking up to be trying to navigate to the right words right now.  She thought he was complaining about her sleeping in his office?  Even though he’d already allowed her to use his bedroom for her recoveries to be in peace in the past?  And they’d both stayed in these quarters during his own recovery?

Levi’s hand threaded through his hair, brushing it out of his face and resting his head in his hand while his gaze relocated and tracked her as she moved around to make the tea.  His other hand draped the cloak out of the way on the back of his chair for the time being.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t,” he corrected her in a low mumble.  “Falling asleep here was fine–if you needed the rest, then knock yourself out.”

…he didn’t mind when she fell asleep in here.  He liked having her close, and seeing her that relaxed and comfortable in his presence had been…well, like many of the moments with her, it had been warm, and gave him a little taste of a content feeling, even if she wasn’t awake to engage with him like he’d been hoping for.  But he relished in the quiet moments of companionship and peace her presence tended to bring, and that was the important part.

So long as she wasn’t obvious enough about it for people to figure out she was staying in his quarters instead of her own, he wouldn’t mind if it became a regular thing–he thought he may relish it, as well.

“Oh?” she asked.  Her back was to him, so he couldn’t see how she was reacting to what he told her.  He could just study her posture, the way she shifted her feet, the slight tilt of her head–she was acting casual, but he was fairly certain she was about to fish for more.  “Then…what has you disgruntled?  Besides just waking up, I mean.”

“Tch.”

The small noise was mostly drowned out by the huffed sigh he let out at the question, momentarily agitated that she was catching onto his residual disappointment in missing out on his plans for the night before.  His fingers unthreaded from his hair, propping up his chin instead as she finally turned around to face him.

“I had shit I was going to do once you got back,” he grumbled, unable to help but sulk a little at the thought.  If she hadn’t come back so early it had required an immediate discussion, if they hadn’t gotten busy with the paperwork, if she hadn’t fallen asleep afterwards…he’d just wanted more than just a few moments to hold her close to him, kiss her, reassure himself that she was okay, and take his sweet time doing it.

She came over to stand by his desk again, offering him the fresh cup of tea without a word, which Levi took carefully from her, fingers brushing gently, briefly, against hers as he examined the color, giving it a few more seconds to finish steeping before he took a sip.

She may have rushed putting it together a little, but it was as good as she usually made it.

She moved to lean against his desk, drawing Levi’s gaze sidelong to her with the teacup paused a few inches away from a second drink.  “You know, you could…do whatever you wanted to last night, now.  We have a bit of time.  Maybe not as much, but still, some.”

…She may have a point.  He didn’t have the time now to do as much, he couldn’t hold her however long he felt like it, afterwards, he had things he needed to start doing, since he may already be off to a late start.  That didn’t mean he couldn’t do anything though.  He could prioritize what he wanted the most, something that would get him by until they had the chance again, and steal a few moments before starting the day–he already had a late start, anyway, and it was a day that started when he decided.  What was a few more stolen moments at the start?

Levi set his teacup aside, making sure it was well out of the way and not in danger of being knocked over as he turned to face her more fully, gaze roaming over her as he debated how he wanted to use the time they still had before the day’s work demanded their attention.  He couldn’t just hold her to him in the silence of the room as long as he would want, but he could pull her close, feel how real and solid she was against him, reassure himself she was okay and things were good between them, not tense and strained.

His hand reached out for her sleeve to tug her closer to him, guiding her around the desk and over to where he was still seated behind the desk.  Once she was easily within his arm’s reach, Levi pulled her to him with a bit more strength, hearing her gasp as she was pulled in, his arm wrapping around her waist to hold her tightly to him as she fell into him.  She caught herself, keeping her balance with her knee laying across his lap and her other foot stretched out behind her to keep herself stable, her hands placed instinctively against his chest to assist in keeping her balance with the close proximity.  Once she was where he wanted her, he reached out to thread his hand into her hair, feeling the strands slip against his fingers as his hand came to rest against the warmth of her cheek, coaxing her forwards even as he tilted her head the way he needed her to be as he went in for a kiss.

This one wasn’t one of the timid, brief kisses that had filled much of their days recently–he went in with a fervor much like their first, or on the couch the evening prior.  It was that closeness he wanted, and if he craved that physical reassurance that she was okay–was going to be okay–then he wanted to feel that liveliness between them when he kissed her like this.  Where he couldn’t get enough of it, wanted more, and even surprised himself with how badly he seemed to need it.

Keeping her cradled close and secure against him, Levi could feel the surprise from the intensity that he came at her with in her lack of an initial response in those few seconds, where he was the one pouring all of the desire into the kiss with each needful press of his lips against hers.  He might have pulled back if she had stayed still a moment longer, but when she seemed to come out of her surprise at his sudden fervent attention, she returned every ounce of that passion, stealing his breath in kind.  Her hands slowly slide up the sides of his neck, causing a slight shiver down his neck before her fingers ran lightly against his undercut and up into his own hair in a grip that kept him locked–without complaint–in the kiss, her fingers teasing along the outer curves of his ears and her thumb tracing idly back and forth along his jaw.

His breath hitched at the tender touch, lips parting involuntarily with a gasp he was trying to keep down.  Throwing away any pretense of trying to kiss her in some kind of ‘right way’, his fingers dug deeper into her hair in response, and the sound was swallowed up as he deepened the kiss.  He didn’t care about kissing her in a ‘right way’ at the moment as much as he did in kissing her, in feeling more of her, of satisfying the hunger that had them locked together with such intensity.

She was warm and alive against him and he couldn’t get enough of it as it helped soothe the part of him that had been so restless the past week or so out of fear for her safety.

Their intensity did have them clash a bit more with their kiss than normal–sometimes he only managed to trap one of her lips between his with how she tilted her head in response to him or because she ducked low trying to go in for more when he arched higher.  There were a few times where his teeth grazed along her lips, and he felt her shudder against him, which only encouraged him to do it again.  Especially when those shudders were followed by a tightened grip from her and more fire in the way she kissed him, how she leaned more heavily into him.

She was the first one to break away from the kiss, gasping in air so sharply that it made Levi realize he was starting to get a little light headed from the lack of air, himself.  He wasn’t done, though–not nearly.  So as she gasped for air, Levi took a quick breath and leaned back in, planting a kiss at the corner of her mouth as she took in air.  She didn’t squirm away, and with the thought of how tantalizing her kisses the evening before had been as they had blazed a trail away from his lips, he decided he’d try it for himself, see about blazing a trail of his own.

His lips moved a little further to the side, pressing against her flushed cheek and feeling a warmth seeping through his chest at the more tender seeming gesture amidst the more hungry kisses they’d been giving to one another.  He went a little further back towards her ear, feeling a spark of pride as it seemed to make her gasp again and twitch from a sensitivity to the spot he managed to find as he started to work his way down to her jaw.

It felt like goosebumps broke out across his neck and down to his arms when he felt her return in kind, her lips easily finding their way to his jaw in return with how he was currently angled to kiss under hers.  His hand, resting at her side just above her waist, clenched in the fabric of her uniform as she moved lower to where his jaw met his throat, managing to coax a soft grunt out of him in the process, arm flexing around her and coaxing her to lean more into him.  One of her hands had abandoned the base of his skull where it had been brushing along his undercut and teasing strands of hair between her fingers, now moving lower towards his shoulder, smoothing over the back plate of his gear he had far too tight for her to slip her fingers under.

She wasn’t daunted by it, however.  She coaxed a small gasp from him she might not have even heard as her hand simply traveled lower to trail along his spine where there wasn’t gear in the way, her other hand burying deeper into his hair to tilt his head in a familiar way that had his heart hammering in his chest, lips brushing against her throat for a brief moment at the new angle as he held his breath to see what would come next.

Her lips brushed along the bite mark from the evening before that had barely started to heal, causing his heart to skip a beat as he wondered if she was about to bite him again in the heat of the moment.  She didn’t, though.  Her lips were tender as they pressed against where one fang had pierced him, and then gently over the other, before she started outlining the mark on his neck with a series of soft kisses that had his breath catching with the tingling warmth it sent flashing through him.

Once he knew he wasn’t about to get bit again, he resumed what he’d been doing seconds ago, working his way slowly down her throat and feeling a rumble of a moan building in her chest, feeling a flash of pride and even a little excitement to be drawing that reaction out of her with his attention to her throat for once.

A knock at the door pulled him sharply out of the heat of the moment and back into their time-limited present, growling against her skin loud enough to drown out the little noise of dismay that escaped her lips at the sound as Levi felt his ire rapidly rear its head.

Now was not the time to be intruding upon him, and whoever it was better have a damn good reason for interrupting him.

“What?” he snapped loud enough for whoever was on the other side of the door to hear him, voice still on the gruff side with how little he’d spoken so far this morning and how soon after he’d woken up it was.

“Commander Erwin has requested to see you, Captain,” Eld’s voice answered from the hall, unable to hear the sigh of irritation Levi couldn’t stop from escaping as his grip tightened around Y/N.

Of fucking course it was going to be Erwin calling on him, the one person he couldn’t ignore, especially since the man was awaiting a report about the events of last night–and he needed to talk to anyway to see about moving forwards with Y/N’s goals.  If it had been anyone else he would have told them to fuck off and wait until later.

He would much rather be here in this moment just a few moments longer–

“I can tell what you’d rather do, instead,” she teased him, voice low and breath soft and tantalizing against his throat, not at all helping him resist the urge to stay here with her a little longer as his heart seemed to beat a bit faster at the thought of staying in here and seeing if he could get more than a few gasps and shivers out of her.

“Shut up,” he hissed in warning, arm tensing slightly around her to hold her tighter, not wanting Eld to hear she was on the other side of his locked door so early in the morning.  He could see a teasing smirk playing across her face out of the corner of his eyes, coaxing something in him to rise at the challenge he saw in it.  As she parted her lips to say something else, likely something sassy, Levi, without really thinking about what he was doing besides giving her a quieter, nonverbal warning to hush, nipped at her jaw with his teeth in warning before she could speak again.

She gasped, the sound sharp and shocked, a flush starting to spread across her cheeks at her reaction.

Levi stilled, taken aback by himself.

“Did…did you just bite me?” she asked in shock, and she barely managed to keep her voice at a lower volume, though she was pushing it, and the twitch of her lips towards a grin, the amusement lighting her eyes and the timbre of her voice giving away she was seconds away from laughing, and likely not quietly, either.  That blush on her cheeks remained astride the amusement, however.

“You just bit a vampire–what the hell possessed yo–”

Her voice was starting to rise in volume, and Levi shushed her, the sound sharp but quiet, and quickly muffled as he decided to double down, leaning in quickly to bite again, except a little bit harder and on her neck this time.  His lips and teeth locked around a sensitive patch of skin he was fairly certain was close to where she normally bit him, and a shiver raced down her body that he felt, a strangled whimper escaping her and prompting him to quickly reach out and cover her mouth to muffle the sound lest it reached Eld in the hall.

She held still after that, her breath warm and slightly quicker than normal against his hand as Levi’s arm shifted around her to hold her restricted against him and kept her from moving, his chin brushing against her collar bone as he lifted his head to lock his gaze on the door across the room.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” he called with a clipped tone.

As much as he wanted to stay here and explore that little discovery and the reaction it had invoked from her more…

Interruptions like this was exactly why he’d been hoping to do this last night when they wouldn’t have been interrupted.  Once the day started he was just too busy for anything, or at least had too much to do with other people.

They held that position for several seconds after Eld’s footsteps could be heard retreating from Levi’s door, his hand still over her mouth, both of them still breathing a bit heavier than normal as they slowly came down from the needy high they’d both just been riding.  As Y/N started to relax, her hands came back up to slowly and gently run through Levi’s hair once more, and figuring they weren’t going to be overheard, or at the very least that they had both calmed down enough they weren’t going to be that loud, Levi carefully lowered the hand that had been covering her mouth.  The only sound between them for the first few moments was the long, slow sigh Levi let escape, eyes closed and allowing him a few precious seconds to relish the feel of her hands through his hair a few moments longer.

“Duty calls,” she eventually said, the first to break the silence as her fingers continued to thread through his hair, though her statement had him opening his eyes again to gaze up at her.  “Can't keep the Commander waiting.”

If it had been anyone other than Erwin…

“Y/N…” he started to say softly, the start of a frown tugging at the corner of his lips.  However, she leaned in to kiss one corner of his mouth, then the other, and then tilted his head just slightly so she could place one more lingering, soft kiss to his forehead.

“Later.  We'll talk later when we have the time.  Right now you're expected,” She told him quietly.  The fact she hadn't moved off him yet despite her statements was the clear evidence he wasn't the only one that didn't want to break the moment.  However, when she did pull back after a last few seconds to relish their moment, her fingers trailed along his jaw, prompting his head to tilt and turn to follow their trajectory before that touch fell away as well, leaving him wanting for more.

“I'll see you later,” she promised as she stepped back and started for the door.  Despite his reluctance to let the moment end, she didn't even make it all the way across the room before Levi dutifully got up to retrieve his jacket and cravat to get back to fully redressed before he headed for the meeting with Erwin.

“You two are all over the place with this issue.  And it's not reassuring that you can't seem to make up your minds on your stances for it.”

Erwin was still seated behind his desk, a place that he seemed to be stuck at more and more often with unusually high piles of reports and papers and plans even by his standards.  The paperwork was momentarily being ignored, kept to its stacks and piles around but not currently in front of Erwin.  He was frowning as he looked over at Levi, thumb idly playing with his index finger in small movements as he considered everything that he'd been told about the situation.

Levi shook his head, still leaning against the wall off to Erwin's right where he'd stayed the whole time he'd been telling the man about last night's developments.  “We've argued over how to handle it, especially since the details coming out about the kid just seems to keep making a bigger mess of it all.  But this recent complication put her on her back foot enough to give her pause and make her rethink it all a bit more.  She's still stubborn as ever about helping him, but she's adapting, and willing to accept help.  She even listened when I told her if he doesn't get around this, she'll have to cut ties.”

“And if it goes that way, do you think she actually will, or is that wishful thinking talking?”

Levi considered.  He hoped if it went that way she would listen, that she’d recognize her inability to help and back off without much fuss.  However, there was almost certainly going to be fuss.  She was probably going to try to help him until she absolutely couldn’t any more.

“It might take her a bit longer than I’d like, but I think she will if she realizes it’s hit a point where she can’t help him, as much as she wants to.”

“And your plan to go force his hand into making a decision.  Going in the day so you’re safe outside his cave is a pretty strong natural protection, and I know you’ll be armed just in case something causes the situation to turn ugly, and she’ll be there to restrain him, so I’m not so concerned about the danger of such a meeting that L/N did take issue with originally.  What I am worried about are the people hunting him, and the growing risk of her, and now you, getting caught in the crossfire if he’s found.  These walls can suddenly turn stifling and far too small when one’s on the run from someone, especially from the military,” Erwin said seriously, holding Levi’s gaze.

Levi could feel the tension that gathered in his shoulders at the way Erwin phrased that, able to sense the danger and even /further/ complication headed their way.  “...You were trying to get some Scouts to volunteer to help in the search to have an in with what was happening.  How did that go?”

Erwin hummed, but his steady gaze did not move from Levi.  “Not well.  You’re aware the Garrison are taking it personally, and there’s a squad or two from the Military Police assisting in making the search more efficient.  My offer for volunteers, as easy as it is to excuse it as soldiers needing something to do to help manage the situation, was diverted to other resources–namely maintaining the peace where the Garrison and Military Police are now lacking during the search for the young vampire.  They’re not letting anyone else in, but from what I’ve gleaned, they’re being very thorough with their search.”

It would have been strange for the Military Police to have gotten involved if it wasn’t for how high profile this mess had become.  A criminal that dangerous that had killed two civilians and five Garrison troops?  Of course the Military Police were going to get involved.

As for Emery…they were going to have to come up with a better solution for what to do about this situation besides making him disappear, especially if part of the point, on a practical level to convince Erwin to allow the attempt to help the kid, had been the potential of another vampire in the Scouts eventually.  That wasn’t going to work if the kid’s face was everywhere and he’d become this legend of a murderer that disappeared within the walls, with the Garrison taking it personally and likely to remember and even recognize the kid’s face in the future.  Not to mention, since there were only so many places to hide within the walls, it was very possible that eventually someone was going to stumble across his hiding place–and they didn’t need any more dead bodies.  There were already too many as the situation stood right now.

Forty years ago, Y/N had to shake the Garrison off her tail as well, and it had been an effective method, but drastic.  He wouldn’t bring it up here, now, with Erwin–he would talk to Y/N first, see what ideas she had that could help settle this issue before it spiraled any further out of control.

As if it hadn’t already–as if they didn’t already have their plates overflowing with all the shit they were busy shoveling right now between the fall of Maria and the resulting refugee and food shortage crisis bearing down on them, Emery–a situation that just kept multiplying in issues–and Y/N’s vampire drama between hunters and her sire, as Erwin had called the vampire that turned her.

“We’ll be mindful of that going forward.  And I’ll add talking about what to do about that situation to the list of things we need to discuss and try to find a solution to while we’re all there.”

Erwin leaned forward, gaze still unwavering from Levi, even as Levi had been mulling over his thoughts.  The scrutiny was something Levi was still trying to adjust to, well aware that Erwin was watching his actions and decisions more closely than he had in some time.  All to make sure the budding relationship between himself and Y/N wasn’t clouding his judgment in any way.  “Do you think that you'll be able to persuade him into being more...considerate of the situation he's created?”

That he was certain of.  No matter how the situation went, Levi was going to draw the line in the sand and make sure the kid ended up on one side or the other, whether that meant they cut ties or they finally made some damn progress.

“If the kid can't make up his mind with the ultimatum he's going to get, then there's no helping him.  Either he listens and accepts the help she's trying to give him, or there won't be any more arrangement,” Levi said flatly.

He was willing to let Y/N try this–as insane as it made him with the rising risks attached to it–and back her decision.  He understood why she was doing it.  But he wasn’t going to allow this kid to create a situation that threatened to destroy everything she’d managed to scrape together for herself recently, that she’d worked so hard to build.

He wasn’t going to allow a situation that would punish her for Emery’s decisions.

Erwin seemed to be satisfied with Levi’s answer, or at least the look in Levi’s eyes while he considered just how resolute he was about making sure Emery didn’t cause Y/N harm directly or indirectly, because he nodded, leaning back in his seat and finally looking away.  “Good.  Then I expect a resolution and progress when you two return from your trip in a few days to help with the refugees staying in the western part of Rose as part of our efforts to help ease the strain of managing this refugee crisis.”

Erwin frowned at the mention of the refugee crisis, and even though it had sounded like the end of the conversation, Levi could tell there was more coming, so he waited to hear what else Erwin had to say.

“Speaking of…just as a warning, Levi:  The Council has started talking about their culling plan again.  Much more actively this time.”

Levi felt his heart stop for a moment.  If they were talking about it actively now, then…it was coming.  Sooner rather than later, no doubt, given the look on Erwin’s face as he poured over more detailed maps of what Levi now saw were parts of the territory of Maria closest to Rose’s wall.

It was close enough Erwin was starting to make plans for how they were going to handle it when the dirty work inevitably got shunted onto them.

Levi didn’t have any words for that.  Didn’t even want to think about it beyond what was necessary, not until it was time for him to have to think about it.  But the warning that it was coming was still appreciated, since it gave him time to start mentally preparing himself.

He didn’t address it, however.  He simply reverted back to the conversation they’d been having before the warning.

“I’ll update her when she’s back from visiting Emery.  We’ll have finished before the end of the week.”

It seemed they wouldn’t be able to afford to be gone any longer than that.

Next Chapter--->

Everything Tags:   @antistellxr 

Levi Tags:  @clary-quinn @ayatosmlktea @whalerus @sunny-flo @thirstyforsometea @hauntedhousecat @peaches-and-clouds @imaginationmess @wubbawubwub04 @lollobos @pasteldays @itsmeaudriee @macaronnv @tokyo-banana @apuci-kis-szornye @momowantscats @yellowminb @ashikothedog @notgoodforlife @spnwinchestersd @xxdarkdarlingxx @joy-the-reader

Wings in the Dark Tags: @regalillegal @animeluver23 @theshylittleelfgirl @queenthorin1 @dilucs-thighs @lady-ragnvindr @subtlepjiminie @queenondeezmatatas​​ @linxiajei17 @levisbebe @toni-jones @pinkberrymilktea @ascybous @emmaandemmel @wolfie3616 @aot-fanatic @jencyib @zombiukas @notgoodforlife​ @syviis @captainyanag1

[darkfictionjude]

Hey! First of all, I love your work, it’s been a great source of example/teaching for improving my own writing <3 I’m not sure if you were ever asked this, but did Crowny receive an official diagnosis while they were in the psych ward? If so, what was it?

So first it was bipolar 1, then schizophrenia, then schizoaffective disorder, then finally complex PTSD

[sputnik5757]

SOME QFTIM HEADCANONS^^

-Bendy hates PDA because he blush easily.

-Boris and Mugman are nerd about marvel and DC, so they talk a lot about Venom, Batman...

-Bendy likes to put tea, alcohol and wine on cuphead's head while he sleeps.(his hair changes.)

-Bendy love draw birds and flowers.

-Cuphead hates pop.

-Bendy like to collect vivyl records

- Cuphead sucks at cooking.

- Cuphead is egocentric.

-Bendy always do the cooking and always do the dishes and clean everything.

-Boris and Mugman always read anything about science.

-Bendy try to teach Cuphead about cooking, but Cuphead always burn something.

-Ozzy is bipolar.

-Bendy and Cuphead call Felix "Phoenix" or "Helix" (just for fun.)

-Cuphead has(and still) on his emo phase.

-Bendy would be a 4Chan user(sorry)

-Cuphead sucks with any sport.

-Cuphead loves alcohol (Same with Bendy)

-Cuphead and Mugman hates winter (bc of their head)

-Bendy breaks some cups on purpose just to tease Cups

-When Cups have a nightmare he sleeps with bendy.(under his bed.((that's scary as fuck💀💀)))

(Bad english, not my native language)

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

Rewatching “All 2 U” and under the contexts of how I personally perceived Stolas’s songs in “Look My Way” and “When I See Him” theres so much potential here for this to be actually interesting and its so far just being thrown away. In every song I have mentioned Stolas has moments where he stops and thinks “maybe I was the problem”.

Examples being:

"Unless it's me, and no matter what in this world I could give; it's not enough to get through the walls you've conjured up to live"

"I will try to make amends for making you means to an end"

"Am I doing something I can't take back? Would he want me if he was free? And if he's only here as a prisoner what kind of monster does that make me?"

"But maybe it's all on me for missin' every sign and every glance and every turn."

"Maybe there's somethin' here for us to glean for you to teach, and me to try to learn."

All of these imply so much that Stolas could be coming to the conclusion that he was one of the biggest issues in their relationship. Yes Blitz also hold fault, but thats a post for another day. I so truly believe Stolas could be so so interesting even if I personally think Helluva Boss should NOT be a romantic story, there’s still so much potential to it. I’ve mentioned before that I was in a very very similar relationship to whatever “Stolitz” is, and while I both hate my ex and how she treated me, it was not a one sided issue. Yeah she was abusive but also I can’t just say I wasn’t a bit rude at times. Getting off topic though, what I’m trying to say is even if one person is the main issue and you hate them, in certain circumstances you can still have part of your mind that wishes the best for them. I think my main point is that for people like my ex who have mental problems that get in the way of relationships and can result in abusive behaviours, I want the chance for them to see themselves in a character that has done the same things, recognized it, forgiven themselves, and made an attempt to be a better person.

I myself have been in many relationships where my mental problems got in the way and ended up separating me from people I care about in one way or another and I know how dogshit it feels when it happens, especially when you are the problem. Many people don’t like acknowledging that they may be the problem and then when they eventually do realise it, they struggle on trying to fix the issue.

This spans to the people you surround yourselves with as well. Just for example in “All 2 U” Stolas is not the first person to call Blitz a “motherfucker” he explicitly goes to “I don’t think you meant to hurt me” meanwhile Verosika and Tex push the implication that Blitz is the problem and during the rest if the song, as stated before, we see Stolas point out “maybe I was the problem” to which Verosika and Tex immediately but in with blaming Blitz instead. And honestly they have reason to (at least Verosika does and Tex is going by word of mouth I assume) but it plays into the idea that a bad person or abuser cant also be abused.

You can see every time Stolas considers something isn’t Blitz’s fault Verosika and Tex are so quick to step in and tell him he’s wrong. He’s just surrounded by yes people right now and i really believe thats something that could be used in the narrative. Stolas getting away from these people to take in reality and then finally be like “no it was me i was right about it”. And idk it could even lead into more Verosika development where she acknowledges that Blitz has now seen how shitty one-sided and abusive relationships can be and they talk more instead of just like 3 minutes on the stairs. This is a topic I touch on with my Vox rewrite but thats in a different way. I just think with so much buildup to Stolas realising he was a huge issue they could do so much helpful representation in certain ways for people with problems like BPD, bipolar, ROCD, and a bunch of other things. I suffer from the last two and I hardly EVER see these portrayed respectfully or how they actually affect people. It’s always just “im happy and then in 2 seconds im going to be mildly upset :(“ or “omgg I love cleaning!!” with OCD. It’s just so infuriating to see Vivzie not touch on so much potential again.

Also “stolitz” should not get back together even if Stolas became a better person, just to clarify.

[gnarptado]

[Not about the books]

Loustat edit to ‘Merry Christmas, Please Don’t Call’ by the Bleachers putting Lestat over the lyrics ‘Oh, golden boy don’t act like you were kind / you were mine but you were awful everytime’ trending tag ‘#lestatcrashoutcore’ tiktok comments of Lestat ‘my princess with a disorder’ ‘bipolar king’ I will not deny you representation of your mental disorders I’m not refuting that however I don’t think the clips we are shown of his ‘overreactions’ or ‘crash outs’ are truthful to his real temperament.

In the scenes just before Lestat drops Louis while they were fighting, the audience was under the impression that Lestat was the aggressor and extremely mentally ill to the point of rationalizing his behavior. “I do not want to fight you” “I am holding back” all said while we were selectively shown clips of Lestat defending himself and then later revealed that in that instance, Louis was in fact the aggressor, upon his reflection with Daniel.

I don’t know how it was intended because I haven’t seen many people share my frame of reference but after witnessing that scene it led me to believe that all of Lestat’s ‘crash outs’ were exaggerated by Louis thus, giving me the impression that Lestat, who previously I saw as childish and emotionally underdeveloped, may have been more sane than Louis led us to believe.

Of course there was my thought of ‘if Lestat’s actions can be explained by Louis being an unreliable narrator than what if Claudia’s perspective?’ i want to preface this by saying; I do not have kids, and I am in high school— so my opinion is not informed or should be held to any regard. That being said, I am not going to call Lestat an A+ dad, he definitely fucked up, but he was never intentionally malicious. What he did in making Claudia watch Charlie burn (i think that’s his name…) was what he believed to be the proper way to teach her about the vampiric necessity to disconnect from human life— we’re there better ways to do this, *absolutely*. You’re 14 years old and your dog of 13 years died, being forced to watch what’s the closest thing to a best friend be burned in front of you is traumatizing. Whether it was out of sadism or not is irrelevant in this conversation, Claudia had experienced a trauma and I think this clouded her judgement of Lestat’s character *just a little bit*. I don’t think he would have been as heartless as Claudia had described, and I think later (and I mean like, *decades* later) after writing the entries I think she also came to understand Lestat wasn’t as heartless and she believed when she was younger.

The only authentic clips we have of Lestat are that of the trial after Molloy gentle parents Louis into some critical thinking. the only unbiased perspective we get of Lestat is a final grand gesture of love, using all of his power to break Louis free. Even in the end he did not care when Louis went with Armand (well, he did but he didn’t intervene…) because he loves Louis above all else. In these authentic scenes Lestat displayed what I first thought was *uncharacteristically* mature, however the only thing leading me to believe he wasn’t before was the word of a man who’s memory had been tampered with.

Oh, and there’s that. They blatantly spelled out that none of Louis memories of Lestat were reliable because Armand had poisoned his mind against him to gain an upper hand. I don’t understand if I am just being really dense or if i misinterpreted something but I see people doing the whole ‘omg he’s so crazy he’s so insane’ and I don’t know if i should feel really dumb or really smart because IS HE??? IS HE THOUGH??????

if your boyfriend came limping over to you covered in blood dragging what you can only assume is the corpse of a dead child, I would have reacted *way* more insane than Lestat did.

[aria-i-adagio]

Work in Progress Whenever

I would say 'too much math, not enough writing this week,' but that would be less frustrating. 'Too much bullshit from an incompetent vendor that appears to have effectively DDOS'd themselves,' not enough writing this week.

Continuing with the theme of what my drafts look like, initial docs are frequently an explosion of bits and pieces, notes to self, etc. Eventually they get edited together into a coherent thing. My process would be modeled with an absurdly complicated exponential function.

Tagging: @hoochieblues @motherofqups @atypicalacademic and @cumbiazevran to share if you'd like.

[aritsukemo]

Astolfo for young paladin who they have a similar age, they were going to be the youngest paladine too,but astolfo took it. They don't mind because they are professional and they are extra help from foreigner headsquares.

Astolfo w/ a Foreign Paladin!reader who's around his age

Warnings: None.

A/N: Another request done! I had been putting this one of for a bit on purpose until I finally got a good idea to write about! Sorry if you wanted something differently or just wanted general headcanons, I..couldn't come up with anything interesting besides this..

↪ When you were first introduced, it was because of Charles, who assigned you to take Roland's place as Astolfo's trainer.

↪ Your first introduction was less than ideal. Astolfo, still reeling from Roland's betrayal, wasn't exactly the most polite person to talk to. In fact, he was quite disrespectful towards you after learning you were a foreigner, but you didn't care much about it. After all, you've been told much worse over the years.

↪ Having to essentially live together for a time was difficult as well. Astolfo was quick-tempered—bipolar, even—and had an intense hatred for anything involving vampires. He'd throw a fit when you'd beat him in a spar and wouldn't listen to just about anything you'd try to teach him. Not only that, but your rather blunt criticism at times lead to many verbal, mainly one-sided arguments between you two.

↪ A shift in your relationship piqued after Astolfo started spiraling during an expedition. It was after you, him, your vice captain, and some of the other groups in your division exterminated a group of vampires who, coincidentally, had been on the run for a while after murdering a family. Extremely triggered, Astolfo was completely out of it and he wouldn't stop shrieking and going on and on about those heretics and other things until he eventually passed out from hyperventilation. Thankfully, his lapse of sanity had pretty much wiped out the vampires so you had nothing else to do but pull him into your arms and escort him to the closest inn you could find.

↪ When he awoken, he was still all over the place and panicking. He'd talk nonsense mainly and from how he reacted to certain things—such as your sharp hairpins and the scissors you used to cut the bandages you ended up wrapping around his wounds—he seemed quite dangerous to leave alone. That said, you made yourself comfortable, grabbed his hand, and began humming a tune from your childhood while you ran your fingers over his knuckles.

↪ As the simple symphony bounced off the wall near the bed, it felt as if he had gone back in time where he was a naïve little kid again. Although the tune was nothing like the children rhymes and lullabies he grew up with, your voice still casted the illusion of his mother humming him to sleep regardless. It made him forget, for just a moment, of his mistakes, of his tainted body, of those wretched bloodsuckers..

↪ ..And it seemed a second was all his body needed to collapse again. Whether it was from pure exhaustion or he, once again, hyperventilated, Astolfo fell out again. You took notice of it, but continued humming until you had succumb to your own drowsiness.

↪ "No matter how bad the mistake was, you should always be able to grow from it," You told him that morning as you two were packing up to leave for the next location. And, after slinging your weapon on your back, you walked over to him and patted his head, "And, I know it may be hard, but one of the best ways to cope with something is to accept it. ..I learned that one myself.."

↪ He immediately smacked your hand away, "I don't need your pitiful advice. Also, I don't care if you're older, please refrain from patting me on the head like some child."

↪ That's when you cocked your head to the side, visibly perplex, "But..I'm not that old to begin with.. Aren't we around the same age?"

↪ "Huh???" Yep, it took him that long to figure out that you two were only a year apart.

↪ One can't blame him though. Your stature aside, your personality and maturity could fool anyone into thinking that you were an adult. Or, maybe Astolfo just believed that for as long as he did to make himself feel better in comparison. Who knows.

↪ Anyways, after that happened, he was much more civil towards you. He tried to hide it, but you could tell that there had been some kind of improvement in your relationship since he had stopped badmouthing you every chance he got and actually began to listen to some of the things you were teaching him.

↪ Overtime, little things in your relationship started to change. For one, Astolfo had grown to be much calmer around you and even, get this, relax around you. Not much, but the slumping shoulders and soft expression is plenty in comparison to before!

↪ Not only that, but he grew to love hearing you talk in your native language. It, obviously, didn't happen often. But the few times it did, like when you would briefly tell him tales from your childhood or sung a song in said language in your scarce downtime..ughhhh! It was magical! Could put him at ease instantly upon hearing it almost any day! ( Or maybe he had just fell in love with your voice.. )

↪ Anywho, by the time he had officially became a paladin and gained the title as Astolfo of Garnet, your relationship had blossom to the point that when he saw the genuine glee and proudness on your face that day, he cracked an awkward smile of his own; something he once thought he'd never be able to do again.

Dividers were made by me, pictures used are from Pinterest, post formatting is inspired by @xxsabitoxx

[ghostzzy]

being undiagnosed and unmedicated bipolar for like 6 years? 7 years? was a very traumatizing experience for me. and i guess i'm going to vent about it for a sec.

6-7 years is a really long time to be completely out of control of yourself, to be entirely at the whims of your chemicals. i tried everything, in that time -- everything except the right antipsychotics, unfortunately. some things helped for a few weeks, a month or two, here and there. i got glimpses of wellness. which would be good, right, moments of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel? no. because all it did was teach my brain that wellness was fleeting and untrustworthy -- that it can and will leave the moment you start to get your feet under you. you can't get comfortable. you still have to be ready, at any moment, to fall apart again.

and it has made me hypervigilant about those early stages of deterioration. my appetite shrinking. tasks of daily living getting bigger and bigger, harder and harder to handle. energy getting more and more difficult to regain and keep. getting more and more tired, finding less and less relief in moments of happiness. a dread i can't shake.

and it doesn't matter that i know, i KNOW, that there are lots of things that can cause those experiences, especially because i'm also disabled. every SINGLE time, i start to panic that it's about to get bad again. that this has been a very lucky extended period of wellness, and that's it -- luck. and my meds are shitting out and we're going to have to start all over at finding a concoction that makes me stable, trying and failing off a dozen meds again while i get sicker and sicker and life spins out from under me.

and it doesn't help that my last episode was my worst. i can't go back to that. my life right now is predicated on my wellness. i have too much to lose now, and if i get that sick again, i will lose it.

and that's really fucking hard to stomach. because at the end of the day, i can do everything right, and it wont make any difference. if the chemicals get bad again, there is nothing i can do about it.

[preciousmomentsfigurine]

hey, is anyone still here? looks like the last time i was on here was two years ago and change. things are really different now, but i guess then again it would be weird if they were the same

i was thinking of returning to this dead site because for a good fifteen years it was a big part of my life and provided me with a unique way to express my thoughts and ideas and feelings and opinions and musings to an audience of people who can hear me but not truly know me outside of my words that i share on this platform. and on the same coin i enjoy following the lives of people i know nothing about and watching their stories and selves develop and evolve from a complete distance in every sense

i'm five months sober now

i have a hard time pinpointing when exactly i became an alcoholic, but i guess i could say i dealt with it in some degree for about eight years, and progressively, as it always goes

i graduated with my masters last may (2023) in critical media studies where i spent my time writing and researching feminist cultural social and media theory. i produced a great deal of work i was and am very proud of including a thesis that is honestly my life and heart's work but unfortunately over the course of those two years my drinking escalated rapidly and by the end i was manically and drunkenly banging out papers and essays in the dead of night sleepless and naively inspired

somehow i got a 4.0 though despite that. everyone in my life always says i played off my drinking well anyway. beats me how or why

once i graduated i practically immediately began drinking all day every day while somewhat-hardly-kind-of-not-really looking for work which was fruitless and i quickly learned my degree i worked so hard for meant practically nothing to employers who were merely looking for experience i dont have outside of my teaching background in grad school

for almost exactly a year i was drunk 100% of the time i was awake

same old story, at some point i switched to bottom shelf pints of vodka, which constituted my breakfast lunch and dinner. sat on my couch in my filthy apartment occupying my filthy poisoned failing body either watching tv or causing problems somehow

this was when i was twenty-nine. for a while now i had known in my heart of hearts i wasnt someone who would ever be able to handle my liquor or drink like a normal person, whatever that means, and that too much was never enough, and that it was literally impossible to function so long as booze was a part of my life. any attempts to "cut back" or "take breaks", i knew, would end the same way, which was waking up to shots of room temperature vodka and being a prisoner to the worst shame a person can feel

i figured once i turned thirty, which was this march, that would probably be about the time i got sick of my own shit and said goodbye to the bottle. which i undeniably felt a kind of affection toward as if it were a lover. still do in a sense and thats why ill never flirt with it again

my sobriety date is april 16th 2024. my last drink was a shot of vodka at 8:30 am on the 15th after creating massive gashes in my upper arm the previous evening during a blackout fight with my boyfriend

im still unemployed and extremely mentally ill and my bipolar has gotten progressively worse over the past couple of years and will likely continue to according to what the science says and all of that. after my last manic episode last month i adjusted my meds (again) and for now they seem to be working but i don't hold my breath really

i do AA and i like it a lot, i do it my own way, i have a sponsor who approaches the program liberally and progressively and shares many of my comorbidities and has allowed me the freedom to define my relationship to the program and god in a way that works for me and i have made incredible strides through this. i have become a far far far better person.

being sober is easy and i never want to drink. not once not ever

ive never worked so hard on myself in my life because i got as close to death as i ever had and ive been very close at many points in my life for many years. when i was drinking i knew i wouldnt make it to see 35 if i continued as i was

therapy, AA, meds, a whole fucking lot of discipline

ive been with my boyfriend for two years and wed like to get married. thats nothing that will happen anytime soon but it is nice to think about. he has been by my side through unimaginable things that any sane person would not have stuck around for. he is my heart and my soul

im also trying to start applying for jobs again but im genuinely on the fence if i am capable of holding a full time job due to my severe mental illness. im exploring a bunch of options right now as far as that whole thing goes. the future is very uncertain as always

let me know if you see this or remember me or anything.

bye for now

[angelofthemornings]

It is possible that my whole problem is I burnt out under conditions of extreme abuse, had to rest and recover, developed epilepsy and bipolar disorder while I was doing it, couldn't improve myself until I was treated, had to rest and recover from that, and now I'm perfectly fine and my only problem is decades of inertia that I need to slowly crawl back from by teaching myself cognitive behavioral therapy.

If that turns out to be the case (at the end of the day that would be nice) I PROMISE I will NOT get mad at myself. (Instead I should probably get mad at all the therapists I've seen who didn't bother teaching me those skills to begin with.)

[honorary-perfectionist]

how i view the choir/my rtc headcanons (it's pretty clear who's my favourite tbh)

ocean

I mainly see her as tiffany tatreau's portrayal

she/her, cis, aroace

doesn't really get the concept of being trans, was only introduced to it when ricky joined the choir

ocd, asthma

2nd shortest in choir, 5'4

has never had a haircut

the only time she got into trouble at school was when she and noel were arguing. she cried until she threw up after that. it was the first day of senior year.

says she's a polyglot but she's nowhere near fluent in the languages she claims to speak

hates theatre :(

texts with proper grammer

listens solely to up with people

noel

i mainly see him as james ragen's portrayal (trinity theatre actor)

he/they/she, nonbinary, gay

jean valjean from les mis was his gay awakening

speaks french

autism, bipolar disorder

unironically says slay, pop off, queen, etc.

instead of saying "who in gods name" he says "who in jean genet's name"

can't cook or spell for the life of him

has ocean saved in his phone as "the lion, the witch, the audacity of this bitch"

types only in lowercase with no punctuation

does ricky’s french homework

5'8

listens to french music and mitski (once ocean walked in on him belting a taylor swift song. that was never spoken about again)

has a crush on mischa. cried when mischa and ricky got together.

he has a boyfriend...! he just... goes to a different school... in a different timezone... in a different country...!

permanent teen angst phase

mischa

i see him as a mix of adam stanley and chaz duffy's portrayals

he/him (doesn't mind they though), trans, bi, poly

dating ricky and talia

has invited noel to the polycule before but they prefer to live in tradgedy

adhd, ptsd

once he forgot how to breathe

learnt spanish for ricky and his family

hates duolingo

polyglot

fluent in multiple types of sign too

when ricky came out as trans (while they were in a relationship with eachother) he posted a video to his youtube talking about trans rights and changed every video with ricky's deadname in it <333

once his "friends" (the people that mischa hangs around with to keep his persona strong but in reality despises them) made fun of ricky, safe to say ricky isn't a very safe candidate to mock for them now

usually types all in uppercase but does relax it sometimes

the human embodiment of a golden retriever around people he likes

listens to maklemore and eminem but is willing to listen to music that talia & ricky like

him, talia and ricky all have promise rings

loves sharks

when talia comes to canada, she agreed to go to a planetarium with ricky and teach him some ukrainian

once he forgot a word in ukrainian and look horrified

6'9

ricky

i see him as yannick-robin eike mirko's portrayal... like only their portrayal... godamn you, autism (although i do have multiple versions of him in my mind)

he/they/it/xe/nameself prns, trans, boyflux, pansexual, poly

dating mischa and talia

autism, adhd, degenerative disease, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, asthma, maladaptive daydreaming

always looses his inhaler

speaks spanish, german and korean as well as three types of sign (and english ofc)

puerto rican

moved to canada at 14

he’s 16 (technically canon)

his parents are really religious

when he learnt what sex was, zolar became his horny place as well as his escape

emoticon user

once ate a bauble because xey were bored

does noel’s spanish homework

used to unironically watch the emoji movie and liked it...

does write music, prefers to keep it a secret because ocean WILL use his music for choir songs

listens to glam rock in general with a few musicals mixed in there

randomly has allergic reactions

paints his nails

knows everyones secrets :)

writes fanfiction

HATES THE TAMBOURINE.

tries to hum along to the music at rehersal

has his text size at the biggest possible one

has glasses, whenever he adjusts them ocean thinks he's trying to correct her

won't eat the school lunches

constantly sleep deprived

does not know how to kiss

5’1

okay i don't want this to entirely be ricky... so lets move on

jane | penny

i see her mainly as em flosi's portrayal

they/it/she, agender, aroace

autism, drdp

carried her doll everywhere

speaks latin

joined choir because her social worker made it

doesn’t really listen to music, but when she does they listens to old music

has their parents old jewlery

spends most of their time in the library

6’2

constance

i mainly see her as princess victomé and tiffany polite's portrayal

she/they, demigirl, pansexual, asexual

depression, social anxiety

had a crush on ricky for a while

haitian

loves to bake

brings brownies, cookies, cakes etc to choir rehersals

brings extra food for kids that don’t have any

usually runs the café on weekends

her brother is called xavier

okay that’s it. this took me >2 hours to write so erm…