Thinking about König
Mainly, thinking about his anxiety being like my anxiety. It's social anxiety but more than the "oh no, people, scary!" That people tend to generalize it as.
That's not to say that it isn't like that. Yes, people are intimidating, especially large groups of them. Or if you're being put in a command position. Or if you're in a position to be judged... Which is most situations. (Public speaking, especially for school projects is especially bad).
But it's not just shyness. It's also the aversion.
Walking through the halls, with a dead sort of stare. Not intentionally intimidating, but it's very much a resting bitch face, look at me and I'll kill you sort of expression.
Saying as little as possible to people he's not comfortable with.
"yes."
"no."
"I don't like that."
"I don't want to."
"we are not friends."
Staring so intently at people that it unsettles them.
"-and that's why I think... Why... It's... Is everything okay, Colonel?"
"Ja, why?"
"You're, uh... You're looking very intently."
"This is just how I look. Eye contact is important."
"uhh... Right, it's just... I haven't seen you blink?"
"I blink when you blink."
Like, yes, of course there are situations where he gets mousy voiced or sweaty palms. But not at work, no. At work he's able to conjure up, maybe not confidence, but something.
At a restaurant though? Speaking softly, making himself small, saying please and thank you after every sentence. It doesn't matter what the server does, he's always soft spoken and polite, nervous. If he asks for no pickles and they bring him his dish with pickles, he'll eat it. If he orders a chicken sandwich and they bring him a burger, he'll eat it. If he tells them that he has a deadly peanut allergy and they bring him a tub of peanut butter... He'll send that back, but he'll be polite about it.
"Oh, ja, I'm sorry, I... This isn't what I ordered. Oh, no, no, it's okay, don't apologize. I'm sorry. You're busy. It's fine, I understand."
Sometimes during mission briefs he will randomly growl and smack his fist on the table. People think he's mad at them and straighten up, stop sipping so loud, on their best behaviour. He actually just got mad at himself, remembered something embarrassing from his past.
He almost acts like a narcissist. Passes by a mirror, winks at his reflection: "How's it going, good looking?"
Makes jokes about being the pretty one. People think he's full of himself.
He actually hates himself but has replaced negative self talk with show boating. He doesn't hate himself any less, but he tells himself to kill himself way less often!
Always has some sort of plan. An escape route, a plan of attack. Watching the people around him nervously.
Sits in the back of the room so he can watch everybody. Sits with his chair pushed far back so he can stand quicker.
Glares at people who walk by. Gives their dogs heart eyes. Prays that the owners realize and ask him if he wants to say hello. He's too awkward to ask permission. And he's too angry looking for people to offer.
Represses lots of anger from incidents he feels he can't lash out in, goes batshit in training or on missions. (I used to do kick boxing, the gym people had to keep coming up to me and moving my punching bag back because I was hitting it too hard).
The kind of person to, when going to someone's house, immediately look for signs of a pet. If he finds it. The animal is now his best friend. Goes to a party hangs with the dog type of beat.
Thinks smoking pot would help him. But the idea makes him nervous. Which he thinks, smoking pot would help... But the idea of smoking pot makes him nervous. But he–
Will just lie to get out of shit.
"Hey, we're going to get drinks tonight, do you want to come?"
"ah, I can't... I promised to get dinner with a friend."
Goes home and enjoys a night alone.
Avoidant. Will just not do things that cause him stress. Hasn't been to the dentist in years because talking to the lady at reception makes him nervous. What if the phone signal is bad? What if it just keeps breaking up? What if she can't understand his accent? What if when he gets to the dentist they hate him for the state of his teeth? What if he goes to the dentist and they steal his teeth?! It's happened before! He's seen articles!
Gets adopted by extroverts by being unhinged.
"Hey, what are you thinking about?" Horangi asks.
"I heard that human meat tastes like pork... The best pork, actually." König says absently.
"Huh... And you know this why?"
"I was curious."
"okay... Let's go to dinner."
"Ja, let's."
A sort of dry air about him that comes off as a lack of empathy. But he's just got so much going on in his brain that he can't focus on emoting anything but augghskft.
Will stare off into space with a blend of the hundred yard stare and the most murderous expression known to man. He's not mad. He's just thinking.
Undiagnosed autism
Forgets people's names, gets to nervous to ask again. So he just calls everyone "you".
Acts cold and indifferent. He just really hates small talk, doesn't understand it. Why say something if it's not important? He doesn't care about your grandchildren. Or your wife. Or your morning.
Is the world's best host mainly out of fear. Asking if you need food or a drink or a blanket or if–
König who after confrontations, has to take a step back, hands shaking slightly. But who's also still super pissed and ready to throw punches at the drop of a hat
König who worries so much about physical affection that it just becomes too much. Hugs are suffocating, hands are held too tight, cuddling is like being smothers. But it takes him a long time to initiate anything. God forbid you initiate anything. Hug the man and he bluescreens
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