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imoanurparentsnames · 2 days

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"Affirmation" & Malgendering

"Fine, I'll 'respect' your gender, but I'll make it absolutely miserable for you. What? You don't like the way I'm 'affirming' your gender? Guess you'll have to stop being a (trans) man then."

I want to put something out there about what I call "malgendering". I see trans men talk about the phenomenon and acknowledge it as a part of antitransmasculinity but not the concept of "malgendering" itself and what it's purpose is, and as trans men and transmasculine people are especially caught in the lose-lose situation between misgendering and malgendering I think it is an important concept to establish. The erasure of transmasculinity, particularly as a unique gender and gendered experience, also serves to keep the transmasculine trapped within this double-bind, positioned between the gender binary of cis patriarchal ideas of womanhood and manhood, where for us there is only misgendering (being abused with the Woman gender) or malgendering (being abused with the Man gender).

I define malgendering as the practice of "validating" someone's gender identity only when it can be used against them and to hurt them, and malgendering almost always involves the enforcement of only the most negative sexist stereotypes available onto the victim with none of the "positives". If misgendering is forcefully pushing you back into your 'proper place' such as by calling you a "girl" or a "her" and showing you that you're really a woman through sexual assault -malgendering is scaring and traumatizing you into it by using your own gender against you. Malgendering is the realization that you don't need to misgender someone to hurt them or to punish them for the way they identity and push them towards the gender they're 'supposed' to be - you can do all that through 'validation'. It's psychological warfare on the sense of self.

This violence and abuse under the guise of "respect" and "identity affirmation" creates plausible deniability of intent and places the blame on the victim for "identifying that way", so much so that even other trans people will defend it and believe it's not maligned (especially because "but being seen as and treated as your gender is what trans rights is all about!" and "errm but its transphobic to not treat u this way?/ur misgendering urself by wanting to not be treated this way :/" with the hidden message being "don't like it? stop being trans"), even when faced with evidence of the (very much intended) effects it has on stalling and outright eliminating transmasculinity (ie. repression, detransition, suicide).

Some examples I can pull off the top of my head:

A transphobe is talking about a pregnant trans man. The whole energy of the Facebook video is 'comedic', and while calling birth the most “feminine” thing someone can do and alluding to how the trans man is really a woman, they still use he/him and call him a “guy” (in air-quotes). Not out of any respect but because the idea of a man being pregnant, calling a pregnant person a "he", and the very existence of the trans man in question, is the whole joke. In doing so, the transphobe has turned the act of using the proper pronouns and gendering him into a source of humiliation and made the experience of being properly gendered a demeaning one.

The Ukraine military situation where all males aged between 18 and 60 were banned from leaving the country and obliged to serve in the military. Trans women were denied passage out of the country "because they were men", and trans men were similarly denied passage out of the country "because they were men". With the discrepancy between invalidating the gender of trans women and "validating" the gender of trans men, you'd think the motivation behind this would be obvious - that trans people are expendable meat and it's better they die than cis people. It shouldn't of needed to be said that "I'm only affirming your gender because it allows me to put you in a position where you will likely suffer and die and put the blame for it on you" is not 'respect' or 'affirming' at all but somehow this was taken as evidence for the idea of that trans men are more 'respected' and seen as their genders than others (and are thus 'privileged').

A common one almost every trans guy deals with at some point is cis people threatening to beat trans men up (and often following through), because "If you're a man and not a woman (anymore) that means I can punch you," using the proximity to masculinity that transmasculine people claim as a justification for violence. Every other week there's a new story in online transmasculine spaces about someone having their ribs broken with "Since/if you want to be a man so bad-" preceding the attack.

The above is in a similar vein to when accounts of violence done to transmasculine people by cisgender men are brushed off and they're told something along the lines of "welcome to being a man", "that's just what men do to each other", "that's just the way things are with men", etc. along with the insistence that their attack had nothing to do with antitransmasculinity, making it an immutable problem with (cis)men as a whole - creating a sense hopelessness and that this is all they have to look forward to.

Transmasculine individuals being refused treatment, tests, or insurance for gynecological issues, especially cancer, despite the knowledge that they are transmasculine, because "men don't deal with these problems" and they don't want "men in women's spaces", and if you don't want to be 'treated like a man' and get the care you need (and not die), you're going to have to go ahead and detransition, change that M marker back to an F.

All of this functions to create contention, and eventually a rift, between the individual and their sense of gender identity. Creating an association between being gendered 'correctly' and 'respected' as your gender (and ultimately existing as a transmasculine person) with abuse, violence, helplessness, trauma, fear, isolation... and by making transmasculinity and transmanhood uninhabitable and driving a wedge between the individual and their sense of gender identity you can more easily drag them back to their 'proper' place. Plant seeds of doubt by making being transmasculine an exceedingly unhappy experience. Make them think that everything that's happened is their own fault for choosing to be transmasculine or trying to be a man. That maybe since they're so unhappy this isn't for them. That living as a transmasculine person is just too difficult and they're not cut out for it, that if they "gave up" and were to be women again things would be easier and they would be safer and happier.

This also all serves to maintain cis patriarchal ideas of gender and the gender binary and police the boundaries of manhood, in a way I can't articulate right now.

Through all this, despite being called "men" during malgendering, we are not actually perceived as such. We are always an "other". Acknowledging us as "men" is just another weapon, and why some transmascs flinch at the phrase "trans men are men". Our own genders are used to beat us.

Using a scrap from my .txt journals:

"[...] on the subject of having a core aspect of yourself taken from you and turned into a weapon to beat you with, with the result being that aspect of yourself now becoming a source of trauma and pain so you abandon it and lock it away like an awful secret, that’s exactly what happened with my gender.

Being genderless and a(nti)binary is what I’m most comfortable as, a(nti)gender is my ~real gender~, but I have to admit a lot of this is because I have been traumatized out of any gender with binary associations and have consequently come to know gender itself, and the act of gendering, as violence. Gender is but a designation for what exploitation, abuse, and violence can be enacted upon you and the justification there of. When someone asks whether you are "masc" or "femme", behind their back as they face you is a hammer in one hand, and a knife in the other, and what they are actually asking is if they can pummel you or lacerate you. When it comes to the “direction” I’m transitioning in though, it is obviously “masculine” (as much as a negation of "femininity" is always taken as stepping towards "masculinity") and you wouldn’t be entirely wrong to call me “transmasculine”, though I have been scared to death of being acknowledged as such."

My first encounter with malgendering was when I was 13 and had just started to realize I was "ftm" and looking for community online. My first exposure to any affirmation of transmasculinity was someone I came to respect reblogging a post about how Kill All Men includes trans men. This would set the precedent of the next decade of my life of existing while transmasculine. A decade of only hearing the words "trans men" and "transmasc" used negatively and as the butt of jokes that served to reinforce patriarchal ideas of gender. The consistent and relentless denial of transmasculinity as a unique gender and gendered experience, the denial of transmasculine reality especially in regards to misogyny, and continuous abuse and threats of violence, all under the guise of affirming trans men's genders as men (and affirming the gender binary in the process). A decade of having antitransmasculine sentiment fed to me in every way possible.

For me, the experiences of antitransmasculinity and malgendering from non-transmascs has effectively "chased" me out of my transmasculinity and any acknowledgement of it. For years I have hidden my transmasculinity and presumed "AGAB" out of fear, even in queer and supposedly trans-friendly spaces. I have not been able to associate with any “masculine” language in reference to myself without feeling that I am in imminent danger, have made a grave mistake, and suffocating in anticipation of punishment. I have always been scared of posting any of my art that eludes to my transmasculinity. I have always been terrified of being referred to or perceived as “transmasc”, a “trans man”, of being called a "guy" or “dude” or “bro”, of using "he/him" anywhere. All of it. Deep down on some level I do desire it, but it’s been forbidden and only aggravates existing wounds.

And this, in turn, pushed me out of associating with other transmasculine folks out of fear and internalized antitransmasculinity towards other transmasculine people, isolating me from any community or connection with anyone similar to me, exacerbating my loneliness and alienation as a youth to the point where now as an adult my ‘normal’ human social needs – connection, community, relationships, empathy – are completely broken. I don’t feel loneliness anymore, or the desire to connect to anyone, despite in ways being even more alone now than I was then. In a way I believe antitransmasculinity shaped the path of my schizoidism. Isolating and divorcing me from my transmasculinity and the world at large is what I understand to be yet another point of this type of antitransmasculine rhetoric - because when you've destabilized and isolated someone from their whole sense of self and community, they are much easier to control.

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yubiina · 2 days

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Imagine taking care of post war Levi.

After the war is over, everyone distant from one another, Armin alongs with his team travel to teach the history and prevent from it repeating, Historia remains in Paradis as queen with her newborn child, some stay in Marley after the war because everything is so destroyed, some choose to go back to Paradis.

Imagine being the only one left from Levi's close squad. Sure, it might have started out rought with him (as does everybody), but you have been there through it all, hand-picked to be in his squad as one of the best soldiers for your skill and wits.

After the war he loses it all, the soldiers he's raised are building their lives and him-with nowhere to go, no place that he calls home that could miss him- you step in and tell Gabi you will be his caretaker, even if Levi protests at first.

It just dosen't seem fair, others out there are enjoying the freedom they fought so hard for, getting married, building their lives and you're stuck here, taking care of an old man that can only walk a short amount of time before needing a wheelchair, and sometimes struggles to do simple tasks.

"I got it, it's fine" he grumbles as you hold him by the arm and gently place him in the wheelchair as he groans in pain, ignoring his previous comment.

But despite what he thinks, you know deep down it's much deeper than that, it isn't just some loyal habit of carrying your duty to take care of your capitan, but rather a selfish need your heart has to keep him close, you who has no home yourself- have found a palace in his presence.

You wonder if all rhe things you do have caught up to Levi, to others around him- you were appearantly terrible at hiding your feelings, bur mabye all that you did was simply a kind act to Levi.

You wake up early every morning to prepare breakfast, making sure to shop well the previous day in order to feed him a full, nutrious meal. You clean more than usual, keeping him out of the house and occupied in the garden so the dust won't make him sick, even taking him to the café every morning with his newspaper in hand, a ritual you both effortlessly created with time.

Every weekend you go to buy flowers with Levi, and leave them at the memorial of fallen soldiers, his wheelchair in from of the engraved stone of his fallen comrade.

'(Hange Zoe) 14th Comander of the Scout Regiment'

Ever since the war ended you had picked up the hobby of baking, you always knew you had a good hand, even during your time with the scouts, where all that was available was potato, bread and some dirty carrots, you managed to make a hearty meal.

Now you bake as your heart desires, making cookies, pies and pastries that Onyakopon,Gabi and Falco enjoy too much when you head out with Levi and everyone for a picnic. And while everyone thanks you and enjoys what your hands made, you don't have the heart to tell anyone that you bake them for Levi, but give it to everyone as to mask your gesture.

It is obvious to Gabi, when you place the picnic basket on the blanket under the tree, and take out all the sandwiches and pastries you've done. You take out a glass for each for the fresh lemonade you've made, and then a special thermos of black tea and pour it for Levi.

It is obvious to Falco when you personally started buying basic medical supplies like stiches, alcohol, medication, and gauze because you wanted to take care of Levi personally after the doctor might have tired him out with walking practice.

It was obvious to Onyakopon, when he kept seeing your regularly at the fabric shop, buying the same white wool. Only to see that white wool turned into a long, soft scraf placed next to a beautiful teaset, packaged well for the Secret Santa they did for Levi's birthday.

But mabye Levi noticed too. He noticed the black tea especially made for him, and the fact that you always placed two pastries in his plate instead of one like the others.

He noticed how gentle your fingers were when they grazes his scars and lifted his leg to tend to it, as if you had found a bird with an injured wing by the window.

He noticed the suttle, but engulfing perfume scent on the new white scarf, and your taste in style when he saw the teaset. He noticed through the slightly open door, tne candlelight that came from the living room when he tried to sleep, and your prickleled hands from the sharp knitting needles.

It is then that he gets up, from his chair, paper crumpled in hand as he reaches for the telephone on the countertop to call for Gabi.

"Where is she" ignoring the fast beating of his heart that wanted to leap out of his chest.

Imagine that after all this time, you figure you need to move on, you tell Gabi you've finished working, and refuse any payment they want to give you as compensation for taking care of a retired soldier. Unable to bear with yourself anymore, after rejecting every man that made any advance, unable to look in the mirror and see someone that he could love. You grab a pen and write a final letter, leaving early in the morning for the next train to take you far away.

Imagine how you close your eyes and sight t the sight of the oncoming train, ready to steal you away, yet your legs felt heavy, and your mind waged war against you to remain unmoved.

It's only when you take the first step that you stop, you don't know if you felt his presence first, or if it was his voice, but a strong wind blew your hair away as you kept your hand near your dress to keep it down, turning your head to see him.

He stood there, stormy eyes glued on you like a target, his wheelchair a few feet away behind him. In almost a shock and slight alert you take a few steps, afraid he'll need support.

"I thought you said you were a woman of your word, what about your promise?" You admire his stable tone in what seems like such an emotional moment to him

But you hate that you know exactly what he means, you remember it very well since back then, when everyone retreated for the night and camped in the dense forest during a mission outside the walls, you stood near a lake, washing your hands and face, thr only light source being groups of fireflies that shyly flew around bushes and near water.

Levi stands right behind you, deep in thought for whatever reason he was, you call him out when feeling his eyes burn the back of your skull.

"You know you don't have to be creep" you quietly say, focused on washing the cloth in your hands, and he slowly walks near a rock.

It is then that you made a promise to him. That you promised you would not die and stand beside him as long as be lived. It was an admirable obedience and trust from a soldier towards their capitan.

"Don't tell me it dosent matter as much to you now" he bring you back to reality.

"I fufilled it didn't I? I lived and stood beside you" you almost argue back.

"And I'm still alive." He steps foward slightly.

"You fufilled your promise as a soldier and i did my duty as you capitan" he now stands in front of you, it's only when you notice the crumbled up letter in his hand.

"Now let me fufill my duty as a man"

The train swooshes past you, swaying leaves in the wind and onto the sunset, with a loud honk it continued to pass on your side, but your focus was long gone as his lips remained unmoved from yours. It was that day that despite any gear training and how far on a tree you've climbed, it felt like this moment was the highest you've ever flown.

It was from then on that when you helped him to bed, he tuck your hair away in the morning, with a strand between his fingers until you pretended you were slowly waking up.

It was now that once you finished cooking, you'd notice Lebi place a second cup of tea on the table, before sitting back down to continue his book.

It was then that he'd go and buy the flowers for the memorial, making sure to get a extra bouquet to bring home to you.

It was then that whenever anyone asked him to stay for a celebration of after party, he'd simply say no and leave.

"My wife is waiting for me at home" he says with no ring on neither of your fingers yet.

It was then that he'd feel his ego boost a bit whenever you laughed out loud at one of his unfunny shit jokes.

It is then that he notices the contrast between the feeling of you pushing your hands on his chest to keep tbe blood from leaving the deadly wound, to placing them gently on his chest as you rest in the afterglow of a playful afternoon.

After all, it is when you both sit close under the shade of a tree, you watch Gabi and Falco mess around in the lake-dunking one another as you reminisce a time where you've swear this has happened before, Levi's hand that brushed a book page, unknowingly falls on top of yours, yet it dosen't move.

Imagine it is then, when he looks up at you, that he realizes he truly-like you- may have not had a place to call home, had somehow found heaven in you.

#levi aot #aot fandom #aot anime #aot #attack on titan #levi attack on titan #aot fanfiction #levi snk #levi x reader #levi ackerman #captain levi #snk headcanons #snk levi #snk #snk fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #aot imagines

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genericpuff · 3 days

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(You can delete this ask if it makes you uncomfortable) Do you think I should give up on my dream of being a webcomic artist? It's been what I'd been wanting to for years yet from what I'm hearing, it's hard to get money and an audience and that the mainstream webcomic hosting platforms don't treat their creators well. It doesn't help that while my art is decent, I don't really know how to create webcomics beyond like really short 4-5 panel comics even though I'd been drawing for many years. There's also the issue of my ADHD making it difficult to commit to stuff but then again at least that can be hopefully fixed once I get medicated. So, now the career of a webcomic artist sounds like a pipe dream at best. Is it worth pursuing, even if I don't make much money with it?

"Do you think I should give up on my dream of being a webcomic artist?"

And this isn't just for you, anon, this is for everyone who follows my nonsense here.

Yes, it's hard to build an audience.

It's even harder to make money.

You should still make webcomics if you really want to do it.

The only practical piece of advice I can give you from the perspective of someone who's been doing this for years is to manage your expectations. Because that's the biggest mistake a lot of webcomic artists make (and I too, made this mistake) they go into it setting the bar that it HAS to result in them making a living off it, getting famous off it, etc. when that's unfortunately only the reality for the 1% who get lucky or have an advantage that the other 99% don't have. And then, of course, failing to meet those ridiculously high expectations makes the fall hurt that much harder if you fail, especially with odds like that stacked against you. That's not to say you shouldn't set a bar for yourself, but you have to set it in a place that's reasonable. Especially if you're an artist with ADHD (same, mood), we have a REAL bad habit of setting the bar unreasonably high for ourselves when we're still learning and getting our feet wet (it's why we're always taking on new hobbies after getting inspired by musicians or crafters and then getting immediately discouraged when we're not suddenly able to do the thing with that same amount of skill).

Set the bar in a reasonable place with reasonable expectations, and then when you MEET that bar, you'll have even more motivation and confidence to aim higher. What won't give you confidence is setting the bar alongside the pros who have been at this for years, because not only will it take way too long to hit that for you to see results, you might give up before you even come close because of how far away the bar is.

A career as a webcomic artist is about as guaranteed as making a career out of Youtube. But being a webcomic artist, period? You can do it. Anyone can do it. I'm still doing it in spite of everything. Like, I cannot even fully express to you just how much of what I do here is the culmination of a long list of failures. My art, my writing, the stuff I do here is built on the corpses of my failures. But those failures were still important, they had to happen to make me into the person and artist I am today. That person is STILL making mistakes, and that artist is STILL not rich LOL Failure is scary, but fear of failure is the true killer of joy and growth.

Do not tie the merit of being a webcomic artist to how much money you can (or can't) make out of it. Just like with starting a Youtube channel, you shouldn't go into it expecting money and fame right out the gate, but there are equal amounts of joy and experience you can gain by doing it. There's a reason people say you have to do it out of love and passion first because ultimately that's all you'll have to keep carrying you through if and when you fail to meet your goals. You don't have to be sure if you'll still want to do it a year from now or five years from now, none of that matters. If you want to do it now, then do it.

Make your 4-5 panel comics if that's what you enjoy doing. Make whatever tickles your fancy. Acknowledge your fears and doubts, thank them for their opinion, and do it anyways. "What if it ends up being a waste of time?" The time will pass anyways. Worst case, at least you'll be able to say you did it. That's better than never trying and regretting it in the end.

#ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything

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agirlwithglam · 21 hours

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becoming selfish is the best thing i ever did.

✧*. * · ~ thewizardliz 💖🕯

youtube

💖 stop going into arguments with people who are not willing to listen. it is completely useless. if your boundaries were crossed, and the other person is not willing to say "im sorry for doing that, i won't do it again", then conversation over. its done. its not worth your time or energy.

🕯prioritise your own needs and wants. fill your own cup! are you okay? are you whole? if you don't want to do something, dont do it. whatever you want, comes first.

💖 stop being always available and trying to save everyone. if you keep on being there for people- again and again and again, you are letting people use you. people will only reach out to you if they have problems or they need help. but what about when everything is going good? then what? do they come to you? you are showing them that they can always come to you and you will always be there but that shouldn't be the case. be able to say "i dont want to listen to your problems today. i have enough of my own problems and goals to worry about." the only reason they come is because YOU allow them to come.

you ask yourself why does anyone not make sure i am ok? thats because YOU do not make sure you're okay. remember that you cannot save everyone. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO SAVE EVERYONE.

🕯sometimes god gives you situations so you can grow. also if you are constantly trying to step in for God to help and save everyone, you may also be sabotaging God's plan. people give certain problems/ situations in their life because God gives it to them so they can grow wiser and better! why are you trying to save them? its not your responsibility.

💖 be okay with people misunderstanding you. if you have a goal or a dream in your life, NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO UNDERSTAND YOU. people come from different households, religions, schools, etc. they will not understand you or have the same mindset/ heart as you. be OKAY with people not understanding you. they are not you.

"oh why did they hurt me/ treat me like that, i would never do that to them" honey, they're not you. they don't have the same personality or heart as you. if you're constantly gonna go through life thinking that everyone has the same heart as you, you will be hurt. i have done that so often thinking that i'm a good friend to them so they will do the same back, its not always true. you will be hurt. people are just different. and thats okay! let them be.

🕯realise that you can only change yourself. stop trying to change people. they will not change unless they are willing to. our human nature is comfort- humans love comfort. in order to change, it takes going through discomfort. it takes strength. some people are completely oblivious to themselves- they think that everything is perfect and nothing is wrong with them, etc. and yk what? let them be. you cannot change them. but you can change yourself. and if you do not want to change, you're not going to change. no one can force you to change unless you want to. by trying to change others and help them become their best version, you're wasting your energy to become YOUR best version and to create your dream life!

💖 stop needing people to validate your self worth. "i dont need anyone to tell me how good i am. i dont need anyone to tell me how beautiful i am or smart i am. because i see those qualities in myself already." KNOW who you are. if you get a compliment, say thankyou, be grateful. but don't crave it. be okay with not receiving it and not needing it because you already know that you're all that. if you need that compliment or words from other people, then they are basically in charge of you because their opinion can change your reality entirely and shake you. when YOU are the one that always creates your own reality! be strong in your ownself otherwise you'll be like their little puppet. know that you know what? im amazing. i've been through so much stuff in life but i'm still coming out strong and i'm still standing.

🕯treat yourself as your own best friend. talk to yourself! in her video, liz said that she talks to herself before bed and tells herself about her day. (for that i recommend videoing yourself! its so much fun) or when she's stressed she says to herself why are you feeling stressed? what exactly are you feeling? and then she tells herself and talks to herself. BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND. hype yourself up in your mind! comfort yourself, have a conversation, etc. give the advice to yourself. go on dates with yourself, hug yourself, love yourself.

💖 less chasing, more attracting. being feminine basically means letting it flow and go. being calm and at peace. being relaxed because you know that you attract all your blessings. when you're not desperately looking for things, or chasing after things, then your whole. your energy is whole. when the energy of desperation is gone, then you can attract everything you want into your life.

🕯only add great people to your life. make sure that whoever you date, are friends with, hang around- they need to add value to your life. its not only in terms of money, its also in terms of are you making me happy? are you reciprocating my energy? people that are always negative or always complaining, do not allow them into your life. do not be friends with people who are being miserable then complain about being miserable but don't do anything about it.

💖 stop seeking other people's permission to do whats best for you. you don't need someone to say "you can do it!" because you know you can. be independent- liz doesn't need to ask anyone for money because she is already making her own money. she is doing everything for herself. she has everything she need to support herself and people she loves.

like how cocky are you to think that you know be better than i know myself? lol. you have not been through what i have been through. you have not lived my life and yet you're here deciding whats good for me and what i should be doing? um, no thanks! xoxo.

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evelynpr · 2 days

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The Fontaine main cast are all so thematically, emotionally, and narratively connected to each other that you can ship them in nearly every way and it somehow works.

I'm talking Furina, Neuvillette, Arlecchino, Clorinde, Navia, and Wriothesley here.

Wriolette? The upholders of the order of Fontaine. One on the surface, and one in the depths.

Clorivia? Childhood friendship, betrayal, and now healing with the truth and past resolved.

Neuvifuri? 500 years of closeness and understanding, mixed with distance and regret. Only after her sacrifice are they finally both free.

Arlefuri? Changing their fates through sheer force of will. Protecting the people who need on them, while accepting nothing in return.

Wriolinde? They were going to protect Fontaine together if its the last thing they do. Their trust is unbreakable.

Arlevia? Protecting their loved ones beyond the law. With a system and world that did not care for them, they care for their family their own way.

Knavilette? The seemingly cold and distant with bleeding hearts. They always keep their distance for fear of what would happen in a moment of weakness, especially with their overwhelming power.

Navilette? Personal regret with injustice and loss, now healing with compassion and understanding.

Furinde? The selfless princess and her loyal champion. She has always been by her side, protecting her with her blade, but only now does she get to know the real "Furina"

There are even more I haven't touched on (lemme know if you'd appreciate it ig?). These characters are just so...so interconnected through Fontaine with its themes on justice, order, love, loyalty, and more. They really knocked it out of the park with creating such a beautiful and complex cast of characters.

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bloodylullaby · 2 days

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Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Word Count: 2114

Author's Note: Enjoy all the fluff

Life has been relentlessly knocking you down again. It seems like every corner you turn, there's a new challenge waiting to trip you up. Whether it’s the daily grind of dealing with difficult people who test your patience and resilience or the frustratingly mundane obstacles like hitting every red light on your commute, it feels like the universe conspires against you with a vengeance. These constant setbacks, big and small, accumulate, weighing heavily on your spirit and making each day a battle to stay optimistic and keep pushing forward. Despite your efforts to maintain a positive outlook, the persistent barrage of annoyances and hardships leaves you feeling worn out and defeated, as if you’re fighting a losing battle against an unseen force determined to test your limits.

These long, exhausting days have left you severely burned out. By the end of my workday, you find yourself sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the wall. Later, you’ll lie in the dark, gazing up at the ceiling, feeling overwhelming dread. This cycle perpetuates itself, leading to even more disappointment and disillusionment. The activities that you used to enjoy in your free time no longer bring you joy. Your creativity has ground to a halt, replaced by a paralyzing self-doubt that makes you question whether anything you create is good enough. The burnout has drained your energy and eroded your confidence and sense of purpose, leaving you feeling disconnected from the things that once brought you happiness.

Your isolation starts to intensify. Even though you’ve never been outgoing and preferred a night in over a night out, it keeps worsening. You haven't talked to friends or family in weeks, leading to the gnawing thoughts that you don’t matter. This isolation exacerbates your struggle to keep taking your medication—the very thing that helps you function like a normal human being. It helps your body produce the right chemicals so you can function and enjoy life. But what’s the point of enjoying life if everything you do only leads to more exhaustion? The loneliness, coupled with a lack of communication with loved ones, deepens your sense of despair, making it increasingly difficult to find any motivation or reason to continue.

Today has been no different for you. With a day off from work, you’ve been wrapped in a blanket like a burrito, mindlessly playing on your Switch. Your phone has been blowing up with messages from Noah, but you’ve been ignoring him, too drained to respond. You read his texts but don’t reply, and it’s starting to get to him. He’s used to your occasional isolation spells, but it’s gnawing at him now. Typically, you get back to his texts by the end of the day or the next day when you’re going through a rough patch. But this time, you haven’t answered him for a week. The guilt of leaving him in the dark only adds to your overwhelming sense of dread and exhaustion.

There was a knock on the door that made you freeze. You hadn’t invited anyone over, so the thought of someone knocking was nerve-wracking. Slowly, you get up, making as little noise as possible, and avoid all the windows to stay undetected. Looking through the peephole, you see that it’s Noah. With a confused look, you open the door and are greeted by his smiling face.

"Hey," he says softly, holding up a bag. "I brought some things for us to do today."

With a soft smile, you step aside to welcome him in. He heads to the living room coffee table and sets the bag down. Sitting on the couch, he pats the seat next to him and waits for you to join him before pulling items out of the bag. The first thing that he pulls out is two spa headbands. One is black goat horns, and the other is white kitten ears. Next, he pulls out face masks, nail polish, and a manicure set. He turns and gives you a broad smile.

With a soft smile, you step aside to welcome him in. He heads to the living room coffee table and sets the bag down. Sitting on the couch, he pats the seat next to him and waits for you to join him before pulling items out of the bag. The first things he pulls out are two spa headbands—one with black goat horns and the other with white kitten ears. Next, he reveals face masks, nail polish, and a manicure set. He turns and gives you a broad smile.

“I thought we could have ourselves a little indoor spa day today,” he says.

The gesture touches your heart deeply. What did you do for life to grant you such a kind and wonderful human being in your life? Noah has always been the light at the end of the tunnel for you, but today, he is shining extra brightly. He puts the cat ears spa headband on you and the other on himself. When it comes time to put the face masks on, you watch him struggle to apply them evenly, spreading them all over his face and dropping a glob or two on his shirt. You smile to yourself as you put yours on.

Once everything is cleaned up, Noah sets up the manicure kit with the different colors of nail polish neatly lined up in a row. He takes your left hand and tends to your nails as you gently rest your head on his shoulder. You sigh in contentment, feeling a wave of relaxation wash over you as you listen to him hum and watch him tenderly take care of you. Each stroke of the polish brush feels like a small act of love, reinforcing your bond and reminding you of how lucky you are to have Noah in your life. Time seems to stand still in this moment of intimacy and care as you bask in the warmth of his presence and the simple pleasure of being pampered by someone who means the world to you.

As he switches to your right hand, he gently kisses the inside of your wrist before tending to your nails. You tenderly kiss his temple in response, prompting him to look up and smile at you. A slight giggle escapes you as you see him wearing his face mask and headband. Returning his focus to pampering you, you can't resist the urge to capture this precious moment. Grabbing your phone, you snap a picture, immortalizing the scene of love and care. With a smile playing on your lips, you set the photo as the background on your phone, cherishing the memory forever.

Once he finishes tending to your hands, he looks at you with pleading puppy-dog eyes, begging you to reciprocate the gesture and pamper him in return. With a soft smile playing on your lips, you reach out for his left hand, your fingers tracing delicate patterns across his skin as you begin attending to his cuticles. There's a tender rhythm to your movements, a dance of intimacy and trust as you gently push back the cuticles, ensuring every detail is tended to with precision and care. When needed, you delicately trim them, your touch feather-light yet purposeful.

Moving on, you take up the file, the soft sound filling the air as you expertly shape his nails. Each stroke of the file is deliberate, sculpting his nails with finesse as you bring out their natural shine. With a gentle touch, you then proceed to buff them, smoothing out any imperfections and leaving them gleaming with a healthy sheen. You paint each nail meticulously, ensuring every stroke is flawless and every curve is accentuated. After completing your task, you step back to allow him a moment to admire your handiwork. Impressed by the results, he leans in to plant a grateful kiss on your forehead, expressing his thanks.

He gently reaches out, his fingers tracing a tender path along your cheek before brushing against his own. "I think it's time to wash these off," he declares softly, his voice hinting of playfulness. You nod in agreement, and together, you go to the bathroom.

Once inside, he wraps his arms around you from behind, enveloping you in a warm embrace. With a mischievous twinkle, he reaches for his phone and captures the moment. You effortlessly remove your mask, but Noah struggles, getting some of it in his eye. You gently assist him, ensuring his comfort as you help him wash away the residue. Once his face is clean and dried, he gestures toward the bathtub.

"Wanna take a bubble bath together?" he asks softly, his voice carrying a hint of anticipation. You nod in agreement, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips as you watch him start the bath. With a sense of purpose, he moves to your sink, retrieving a container of Epsom salt. With careful measure, he pours it into the steaming water, the scent of relaxation filling the air as the salts dissolve, ready to soothe away the day's tensions.

Once everything is prepared, you both begin to undress, shedding the layers of the day's weariness. Noah eases himself into the warm embrace of the tub, settling comfortably into the soothing water. You follow suit, slipping into the bath and settling between his legs. He starts to massage your shoulders.

“You know I love and care about you, right?" Noah asked softly. You hummed in response, feeling lost in his touch. "Just remember, I'm here to catch you when you fall," he continued gently, kissing your shoulder. His words touched you deeply, and you felt a swell of emotion, tears forming in your eyes.

"Then maybe Hell ain’t so bad after all," you sang quietly with a small smile. He responded by wrapping his arms around your shoulders, gently pulling you back to lean against his chest. He kissed tenderly on the top of your head, his affection palpable. You both lingered in the bath for a while, basking in the warmth and comfort of each other's presence, letting the world outside fade away.

Noah helped you out of the bath as the water began to cool and gently dried you off. Taking your hand, he led you to the bedroom and seated you on the bed. He then rummaged through your dresser, selecting some comfortable lounging clothes for you. After you finished getting dressed, Noah positioned you between his legs and began to brush your hair. His touch was incredibly gentle, and he checked in with you over the slightest of tugs, ensuring your comfort and showing his deep affection and care.

Noah's gentle attention with the hairbrush gradually calms you, each stroke soothing and reassuring. After a few moments, he sets the brush aside and wraps his arms around you, resting his chin on your shoulder.

"Do you feel better?" he asks softly, his voice filled with genuine concern. You nod, leaning back into his embrace, feeling a profound sense of peace. The room is filled with a comforting silence, only broken by the gentle sound of your breaths.

"How about we watch a movie?" he suggests, his tone light and warm.

You agree, and he quickly sets up a cozy spot on the bed with blankets and pillows. As he puts on one of your favorite movies, you both snuggle under the covers, your head resting against his chest. Throughout the movie, Noah's gentle touches continue, his hands occasionally brushing your arm, back, or hair, ensuring you are still comfortable and feeling okay. His constant, tender reassurances make you feel cherished and safe, enhancing the moment's warmth.

As the movie progresses, you both become more relaxed, sinking deeper into the cozy atmosphere. The comfort of his touch and the familiarity of your favorite movie create a serene ambiance. After the movie ends, Noah turns off the TV, and the room becomes tranquil. He looks down at you with a soft smile, his eyes reflecting the affection he feels.

"Ready for bed?" he asks gently.

You nod, feeling a peaceful drowsiness settle over you. Noah shifts slightly, helping you get under the covers properly before he joins you. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you close so you’re nestled against his chest. With the lights dimmed, the room is enveloped in a soothing darkness. The rhythmic sound of his heartbeat and the warmth of his body lull you into a state of complete relaxation.

"Goodnight," he whispers, kissing the top of your head.

"Goodnight," you reply softly, feeling safe and content in his embrace. Slowly, you drift off to sleep, surrounded by his love and the comforting sense of being together.

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treacheryinblue · 2 days

Text

Chapter 2/4

A Noah Sebastian x F!Reader One Shot Series

Word Count: 7.1k

Masterlist

× Summary: Noah is Death, the ruler of the after life (or whatever you want to call it), though he is cursed to watch you come and go from his never ending existence time and time again.

× Warnings!: Eh-level smut (oral [f receiving], P in V obviously, touch of spanking), language, little bit of violence, tiny fluff if you squint, slight dom!noah, smut with plot aka this became more in depth than I meant for it to aka a one shot that's now a series. Let me know if I missed anything!

× Author's Notes: ( 1 ) Thank you sooo much for all the support this story has been given. It was never was supposed to be more than a one shot, but after all the excitement behind it, I've decided to make it into a short series! I'm going to try to keep it at four parts, just to show the lore behind the characters and also maybe why it's happening...if I can make my brain create such things. ( 2 ) PLEASE suspend all thoughts of how time works when reading this. Time is pretty much just NOT a thing in Noah's realm. It's nonlinear and I refuse to be tied down by it! Also, hopefully the context clues are obvious enough for people to pick up on what time period the female character is from in each chapter. If not, feel free to hit me with a question.

Happy reading! xoxo

“The Dark Lord will be pleased with this one.”

An unknown voice sounded out around you, immediately sending a chill down your spine. You heard yourself expel a whimper of fear as your hands responded by trembling in their bindings. The man must've noticed this because a sadistic sounding laugh rang out, echoing through wherever you were and reverberating in your ears.

How long had you been tied down to this slab of rock? It easily could've only been hours, though it felt like days. Weeks. An eternity. Nothing felt longer than waiting for your impending death.

“Please…” you pleaded in a soft and broken voice. “Let me go and I will make sure no harm comes of you.”

The men again cackled, the kind that you were sure had them gripping their bellies and arching back. Maybe it was a good thing you couldn't see their dirty faces and broken teeth taunting you. That would never be the last thing you'd want anyone to have to witness before their untimely demise.

“The blade. Now.”

Something cool pressed to your chest and immediately forced a slight gasp out of you. Again, you began to tear up and pull at your restraints, although you had no idea what you would do if you happened to free yourself. The noises you had picked up on told you that there were more than two people there, and after so long without food or water, you'd never be able to take them. You were doomed one way or the other.

As the blade traveled downwards, it was made to puncture and rip the bodice of your dress. Another set of hands tugged the thin fabric to further open it, revealing your bare torso beneath it.

“Please! Don't do this!” You cried, now feeling shame from being so exposed.

How horrible was it that you were briefly only concerned about what your mother and father would say of this? They'd scold you, hissing words of how it wasn't very ‘lady like’ and that ‘no man would want you now’. You would be the ‘shamed whore’ of your village.

Before those thoughts could lead with any traction, the sound of faint chanting snapped you from your own thoughts. It started as a whispering and ever so slowly began working its way higher and higher with every repeated line. Unfortunately, you couldn't make out any of the words. It was possible that it was in another language, though also likely that your sobs took the forefront of the focus.

As the volume grew, so did your fear. Your breathing was rapid and uneven, a cool sweat forming across your chest and along the back of your neck. It was not being able to see what was happening that was also truly terrifying. Your captors had blind folded you after securing you down, this being the last time you saw any of their faces. It had been days of darkness - if not longer.

The chanting had started increasing in pace. Voices roared all around you and you could sense someone probably just within your reach (had your hands been free) but they had yet to do or say anything. You sobbed beneath your blindfold, the ropes holding you down rubbing your poor wrists raw from how you had been desperately trying to pull them free. They burned with every motion, and you were sure blood had been coating them since day one. Not that anyone around cared enough to take note.

“Please!” You yelled again, the single worded plea broken from your constant waterfall of tears. You swore you even heard another chuckle from right beside you.

“Send our love to the Dark Lord.”

A fierce pain punctuated his final statement as the blade ripped through your chest. You screamed in terror, just for the blade to be retrieved and then forced through skin, muscle, bone, again and again until you were nothing but a husk of who you had once been.

× × ×

Piercing eyes stared at you from across the long table, silently watching every move you made, no matter how small. You could feel the weight of his gaze despite having told him before how uncomfortable it made you - this had shocked him into a brief silence - but it obviously hadn't been important enough information for him to retain.

As you reached for your glass of wine, he did the same. His motions mirrored yours when you both took a swallow from the glass, followed by another, then another - the third being a mere test to see if he would or not.

“Stop.”

The demand left you with an irritated sigh, your wine glass then being loudly placed back to the table top. He chose to do the opposite, instead opting to lightly set his own glass down in a more respectable manner.

“Stop what?”

Your eyes narrowed at him, lips pressed tight together to showcase to him just how completely and utterly annoying he was. Ever since your arrival, he had done nothing but get under your skin day after day, night after night, second after second.

Maybe you really were in Hell.

“I'm going back to my quarters.”

You weren't going to do this with him again. It had become an every encounter sort of thing at this point - both of you engaging in an argument until you finally stomped off or he dismissed you before you ‘fell victim to his true nature’. How in the world were you supposed to live like this? For how long? Every time you’d yell this inquiry at him, he would only smile like he knew a secret you didn't.

Dropping your napkin to your plate, you were just about to push away from the table when his voice halted your every movement.

“Sit back down now. I haven't excused you.”

There was a sternness to his demand that you had yet to hear from him prior. It shook you to your core…in a way you hadn't expected.

There was a brief pause as you stared at him. You were silently debating with yourself as to whether or not you should listen, weighing the options. Since you had nowhere to go where he couldn't find you, you did as he requested.

“Maybe I've gone about this the wrong way. Maybe I've been too nice. Too lenient. Too patient. Since those approaches don't appear to be working, we're going to switch up to the way I prefer things.”

The man you knew as Noah slowly stood from his chair. Those eyes of his never broke from yours, not even as he placed his palms on the table top and leaned forward a bit to assert only an ounce of his dominance. You wanted to say it didn't make you want to cower in a corner, but it did.

Or maybe take your clothes off…

“You are here in my domain. Do you know what that means?”

Noah's eyebrows raised when he paused, though you knew he wasn't looking for an answer. He already had one of his own loaded and ready to go.

“It means I'm the fucking King and it would be in your best interest to not disobey me.”

You thought it would end there. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

But wait…what was this new sensation you were beginning to feel? It was warm and tingly…quite different from any you had experienced before, both when dead or alive.

“It doesn't matter to me that it's you. You are still required to make sure I remain pleased.”

This caught your curiosity and it showed in the way your own brows pulled together ever so slightly.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that you listen to m-”

“No, the first part.”

You could see the way his features softened when he realized what he had said. Was this one of those secrets he always seemed to be keeping from you? Obviously. The issue was that you had no clue what it meant.

“For the love of Go-!” Noah paused before he could get the entire saying out, his jaw clenching and face reddening as if it would truly pain him to say the words. With a deep exhale through his nose, he stood to his full height and raked his fingers roughly through his hair. He was frustrated, though something told you that it wasn't all because of your defiant behavior.

The anger he held was bubbling to the surface and forcing him to lose his composure. He growled as he latched onto the chair and sent it hurling to the ground, followed by the glass of wine he had previously been nursing. Both became shattered pieces that would be impossible to repair.

“Why do you not remember yet?! Is this some cruel joke you're playing on me? Is that it?!”

Before you could even blink he was in front of you. He had forced your chair out a bit, enough for him to wedge himself in front of it to prevent you from escaping. His tattooed hands firmly grasped at the arms of the chair, intense eyes level with your own.

You weren't frightened of him. You had endured the wrath of more vile men many times in the past, your father being one of them, so this temper tantrum of his did not register as a threat.

Plus, you were already dead. What more could he do to you?

“I need you to remember.”

These words were spoken in a much softer tone, almost like he was begging you. Pleading. The pain was clear in his eyes and for some reason this hurt you as well. Why did you care about his feelings? Why did you want to make him feel better? Never during any of your previous altercations had you felt this way.

“I'm sorry…I don't know how…I don't understand…”

Noah appeared crushed. You swore you could hear the sound of his heart breaking; that's how deep his emotions ran along his features. He dropped to his knees in front of you, his head bowed to keep his face hidden. The hands that had once been gripping the arms of the chair fell to your covered knees, now grasping tight to you in any way he could.

“Please…try for me? There's a part of you that would do anything for me, just as I would do for you.”

Although his words continued to confuse you, they didn't disturb you or make you uncomfortable as they previously had. There was even a fraction of you that believed him…which only made you want to try as he was requesting.

Maybe he could sense this, because you felt one of his hands fall and begin lightly tracing along your ankle. The other remained on your knee, still clutching tight.

“Close your eyes…will yourself to remember…I know you can.”

There was a flicker of something behind your closed eyes, almost like a thought. Maybe a memory. You weren't too sure because the scene clip was foreign and not anything you had ever experienced in your living life. All that was familiar within the abrupt flash were his eyes and the way they devoured you.

“That…what was that?”

Noah’s hand cradled your cheek, his touch immediately causing you to open your eyes and connect with his own. There was now a hopeful gleam within them, so much that you swore you even saw his lips threatening to turn up into a smile.

“Did you remember something? Tell me.”

All you could do was slowly shake your head. Even if you wanted to tell him what the brief image had been, you knew you wouldn't be able to put it into words. It was like trying to describe a color to someone that they would never see for themselves. An impossible task to say the least.

Without another word, you quickly pushed him away from you and stood from your chair. Noah was stunned by your actions but made no move to stop you from running away, not like you had expected him to. As you exited the dining room, all you heard behind you was the sound of more glass breaking and Noah’s pained yells.

× × ×

Sleep eventually took over you that night, though it hadn't come easy. To bring forth this needed unconsciousness, you had to think of the images from earlier and imagine what scenario it was attached to.

It took place in an unknown room, though you could assume this room was in the same domain you currently were held in. The decor was the same, the walls and lighting giving this away. It wasn't your current room, though, but somewhere a little more lived in. It was comfortable, if you were being honest. Almost as comfortable as the bed you were laid out over in this flash of images.

There was a warmth that accompanied them, one that you were only barely accustomed to. You had experienced it before during your living existence when you had hiked your dress up to your hips and buried your fingers between your thighs - these moments were fleeting and only happened enough times for you to count on one hand.

Although, it wasn't your hands that brought forth the unfamiliar but welcomed warmth this time, but something - someone - far more enticing.

A pleasure radiated throughout your entire being in a way that had your body trembling and your voice crying out for more. You had managed to open your eyes long enough to see his head between your spread thighs, decorated fingers holding tight to you to make sure you remained fully open for him, all while his mouth worked wonders in ways you didn't know possible.

“Noah!” You moaned and whimpered, his name on your lips only sending him into an excited frenzy. He groaned into you as his mouth secured around your clit, harshly sucking before soothing the nerves with swipes of his tongue that made your hips buck and your cunt clench in a desperate need to be filled.

“You're so perfect…” he breathed as he pulled back just enough to watch his fingers disappear inside of you. The sensation was heavenly, as ironic as that was, even more so when his long digits dipped and curled within your dripping wet warmth. Noah stroked along a spot that immediately had you gasping for air and gripping tight to the already tangled sheets your body had become well acquainted with. The mess of linens told you that you had been at this for a bit now, and it definitely wasn't his first time admiring you from below.

“Don't stop, please…” you begged, soft and gentle between your labored breathing.

Noah happily obliged, not that he had any plans on stopping until he was thoroughly satisfied with your amount of pleasure. His wicked mouth returned to your clit, tongue swirling and flicking in a way only the Devil could know how, while his fingers assisted in bringing you right to the edge.

If this was eternal damnation, then you would willingly devote the rest of your existence to it, to him.

Just a couple more firm strokes of his fingers and your body was tensing, a pressure building so high that it literally felt as if you were going to explode. And almost as soon as the thought passed your mind, your body released - literally and metaphorically. Moans heaved from you and your hips writhed beneath Noah’s form, a sudden wave of pure heat traveling through you and coating his fingers. The bed became soaked, though Noah seemed less than concerned about this. He hadn't even let up on pulling your clit between his lips and forcing his fingers harder within the collapsing and pulsing walls of your cunt.

You awoke from your slumber with a gasp, your body abruptly sitting up in bed. It took a moment for you to gather yourself, but you eventually noticed that you were alone and no longer in the room from your…dream? Memory? It was still so hard to say. As you made a motion to move, you felt a throb between your thighs, a deep pulsing just like the one your subconscious had just been experiencing.

You thought nothing of it at first, not until you stood from the bed only to realize the sheets, as well as your clothing, held a wet spot right where one could assume.

It only took a moment for you to change, though you left yourself bare beneath the sleeping gown with not even the top tied securely. There was no reason for you to waste time with it when there was one thing on your mind now.

After a few wrong turns and having to backtrack more than you'd like to admit, you finally stumbled upon the study where you knew Noah to spend the majority of his time. Sometimes you swore this domain liked to purposely switch up and change on you, just to make finding your intended location all the more difficult.

“Stop lingering,” his voice called out after you had stood outside the cracked door for far too long.

A small jolt in response to his voice being directed to you caused your heart to skip a beat, though you did as he said and gently pushed the study door open enough for you to slip through.

“How did you kno-”

“Nothing happens here without my knowledge of it. No matter how small or…private.”

That's when his eyes lifted to meet with you, they focused in on your hips first before slowly trailing up to your own gaze. Something gleamed within his stare, but it wasn't something you were yet capable of putting your finger on. All you knew was that it further stirred a sensation inside you.

“It's late,” Noah then pointed out as he leaned back in his chair, sights still locked on you.

You nodded in understanding, slow steps being taken closer to the desk he resided behind. Instead of stopping in front of it, you moved around the side and only paused once you were in front of him, just within arm’s reach. You could see Noah's chest inflate with a deep inhale, his eyes further darkening at the close proximity. Had his gaze even flickered down to where your hardened nipples were evident beneath the thin fabric of the dress you wore? You swore they had.

Speaking of your clothing…it was drastically different from what Noah always wore. His black on black suit wasn't like anything you were used to seeing, though your clothes were reminiscent of your time, unchanging from what you knew. How odd, you thought to yourself. This wasn't the time to ponder such things, though. It was just one more mystery added to the collection you were keeping note of.

“I had a dream,” you finally revealed. A hand hesitantly reached out so you could trail a finger slowly beneath his jaw, a simultaneous step closer to him also being taken. “At least…I think it was only a dream.”

“A memory, perhaps.” Noah spoke up, his eyebrows raised.

“Perhaps.” Your hand fell from his face and you swore you noticed a sadness quickly glaze over his eyes, almost as if he missed your touch already. Lucky for him, you had no intention of keeping your hands to yourself right then.

Delicate fingers clutched the fabric that covered your body, now being pulled up just enough so you could freely move while settling into Noah’s lap. Your knees straddled him and his hands moved to lay atop the bare skin of your thighs, almost like a reflex.

“Tell me what you remember.”

A slight shrug of your shoulder caused the gown to fall away, revealing more of your skin to him. His eyes followed the trail of your neck down your shoulder and to your chest, just as he reached up to further tug the fabric away in a gentle manner until the swell of your breasts were shown.

Noah had learned forward so he could slowly kiss along the bared skin of your chest. His hands traveled up the sides of your thighs, purposely pushing the hem of the dress up more, but not fully. He was then gripping your waist, slyly pulling your body even closer to his while his lips dipped between the valley of your breasts.

“It's mainly feelings that I remember, not necessarily specific moments…”

A question lingered at the tip of your tongue, one that you weren't really sure the meaning of. It was merely plaguing the back of your mind, leaving you curious for an answer that could possibly mean absolutely nothing to you.

“How…many times have I been here?”

The inquiry caused Noah to pause, his eyes flickering up to yours before he relayed an answer.

“This makes five. Five lives…five versions of you…and this you by far has been the most stubborn.”

This knowledge didn't frighten you like it would have mere hours ago. No, it actually made a bit of sense now, like the puzzle pieces were all slowly starting to come together.

“And each one is me?”

Noah hummed lightly, his lips returning to their trek along your chest. He was being much softer with you than you would've imagined, especially given the outburst you had witnessed from him earlier.

“Same body, same eyes, same markings…” he punctuated this with a slight bite to a prominent freckle that sat off to the side of your right breast. “Even the same name.”

“So…where are all of the previous versions of me at?”

A heavy sigh followed your question, his jaw clenched in obvious frustration. Having not yet answered, Noah swiftly picked you up and laid you down atop his desk after swiping the unnecessary items aside. There was a darkness in his eyes again, and you noticed that his previous soft caresses were becoming much more defined and needy. Witnessing this had your insides stirring, but in a way that made you thankful for wearing nothing more than your sleep gown.

“You’ve been taken from me.”

Noah’s voice was harsh, the words almost being hissed through gritted teeth. Apparently you had touched on a sore subject without even realizing it. But still, he began undressing himself as you laid beneath him, vulnerable and aching. Not even his growing anger was going to stop him from having you.

With his torso now bared to you, you took a moment to take in all of the permanent etchings that crowded his skin. You had never seen such things before, though you've heard tales of tattoos and these being described as the ‘mark of the Devil’. Clearly your time wasn't too far off, considering who you were currently in the company of.

A hand grabbed your face and forced you to look up at him as his body hovered over your own. Noah’s eyes were as intense as ever as he searched within yours, on a hunt for something.

“You aren't meant for this world but you are mine. I'll see to it that every death brings you to me. They can't stop me.”

They?

There was no chance for you to inquire about this because Noah’s mouth was then on yours, all hot and desperate. He kissed you like his life depended on it - funny enough - like you were the only thing that could breathe oxygen back into his lungs. And much to your own surprise, you kissed him back with just as much ferocity. His taste was addicting and familiar, one that you wanted to hold onto for as long as you could.

Even as he pulled back, you swiped your tongue along your lower lip simply to savor what remained.

One strong pull was all it took for Noah to rip the gown you wore straight down the middle, his eyes immediately drinking you in. He leaned down and took one of your nipples into his mouth, moaning against your heated skin while flicking his tongue along the hardened bud before sinking his teeth in. You gasped at the slight pain, but the rise of your hips to grind against his let him know that you actually enjoyed it.

Noah smirked as he moved to your opposite nipple, displaying the same loving abuse to it. A warmth was pooling between your thighs and you were suddenly so eager for his touch that you didn't know what to do with yourself. Your hips continued to grind along his, desperate to feel any sort of relief, but the material of his pants were too soft and not at all what you were aching for.

“Not so defiant now, are you?” He taunted, his clothed hips firmly pressing into yours just to further rile you up.

“Look at you…desperate and whining…you must be remembering how good I can make you feel.”

Indeed you were, because never have you felt a need as strong as this before. Something in you knew just how mind blowing a climax at his hands could be and you wanted it now. You were so caught up in your own selfish needs that you hadn't even heard the sound of his belt coming off or the distinct ripple of the zipper being dragged down. When your eyes met with him again, he was fully naked and standing between your legs, slowly stroking along every inch of his hard cock.

“Fuck…the things you do to me,” he murmured to himself, heavily exhaling through his nose. You watched in awe as he continued to touch himself, his hips pushing forward to thrust into his hand, even as he rubbed the head of his cock down between your folds. Noah’s eyes closed and his head tossed back, reveling in the sensation of you being so wet for only him.

“Please…” you whimpered, your legs spreading more as if that would help entice him in. As much as you liked watching him get himself off, surprisingly enough, you were far too needy in that moment to have any bit of his stamina wasted on his hand.

Releasing the hold he had on his cock, he instead grabbed your calf and lifted your leg to his shoulder. His strong hands now held your hips, the tip of his cock pressed right to your entrance since he had produced the perfect angle after maneuvering your body around however he saw fit.

“You have to be a good girl and take it,” he instructed, his voice soothing but still holding an edge to it.

Noah pressed forward, allowing only the swollen head of his cock to stretch through your tight walls that hugged him just as close as he remembered.

“Say it.” He demanded, refusing to go any further until you had.

You shakily breathed out, your heart racing and blood pumping so fast that your cheeks were flushed a deep red already. “I'll be a good girl,” you repeated his words, nodding. “I'll take it, I promise.”

Happy with this, Noah thrusted forward in a swift motion that you had taking every inch he had to offer. Your tight pussy welcomed him into your depths with a constricting pulse that would've made him cum right then had he not had an eternity of practiced self control.

Noah deeply groaned, his jaw set and biceps flexed while holding you in place. Your own moans mixed with his, your body trembling in his grasp from just how intense it was to be fully filled by him. It was like nothing you had ever felt before…quite literally since your living existence had yet to experience the touch of another. You had only known a release at your own hands, which was nothing compared to this.

“That's it…” he cooed the familiar phrase as he began his rapid pace of driving his cock deep into you again and again, forcing moans and profanities never yet spoken from you each time. “You're always so good at taking it.”

Oh, how you wanted nothing more than to take all that he had to offer.

The stretch of your walls were so tight around him that you swore you could feel every engorged vein throbbing when he forced himself as deep as possible. Noah turned his head so he could kiss along your ankle, the grip he had on your calf tightening just before leaning forward a bit. It was a good thing you were pretty limber or else a cramp would've surely ruined the mood by now. Noah didn't seem concerned about this, though. He was far too focused on the shape of your lips as you cried out his name.

This angle had to have been created by this Devil himself though, because you could barely take a breath from how overpowering it was. You looked up at him with furrowed brows and nothing but silence as your breath caught in your throat. Every inch of your body tensed, though this had yet to cease his quickening thrusts. Your cunt felt too good, too warm, too tight, for him to let up now.

“Noah!” His name finally erupted from you again, just as an unexpected orgasm took charge. Your head tossed back and your hips arched up as much as possible, your pussy now gripping his cock like a vice. Your walls were so strong that you noticed he was finally beginning to break a sweat.

As the climax shook through your body, his motions began to slow before coming to a complete halt. He stared down at you, a fire in his eyes.

“Did I say you could cum?” The question was punctuated with a firm spank to the side of your thigh, a sting radiating outwards that you knew you'd be feeling for some time afterwards.

“Hadn't I just told you that you're meant to listen to me? That I'm the King and you do as I say?”

Noah had shifted your leg off his shoulder and pulled his hips back until he was no longer inside of you. The loss of connection made you whine and pout because one orgasm hadn't been enough. You desperately needed more.

“I couldn't stop it,” you explained while he forced you up, around, and then back down so the front of your body was pressed to the desk.

“You promised you were going to be a good girl.”

There was a bit of rustling from behind you, followed by the faint clink of metal that you recognized from his belt when he had been removing it not long ago. Your thighs pressed together in anticipation for whatever he had planned for you now since you knew that fleeting moment of softness from him was long gone.

“But good girls ask before they cum, and you didn't ask.” The sound of something moving quickly through the air garnered your attention, but a mere second later a sharp sting forced a yelp from you when the folded edge of his belt made contact with your ass. The pain shot right to your core, your cunt clenching eagerly around nothing.

Another crack rang out when the belt again collided with your tender ass cheek. You whimpered and writhed, your hands desperately trying to grab onto something to steady yourself but there was nothing within reach on the desk. While it did hurt, and the pain only worsened with each spank, you still couldn't help but to crave more. Maybe it was because Noah was now rubbing his palm soothingly over the red and welted area, or maybe it was because you liked allowing him this power over you.

You held a power of your own over him as well, whether he wanted to admit it or not. Although now may have not been the time to bring that up.

“Look at how fucking wet you're getting from this,” he mused gleefully as his fingers dipped down to brush along your pussy. He gathered the wetness around his fingertips after sinking his digits into you, though he only graced you with a couple of pumps before their retreat.

Noah leaned over your body so his mouth was at your ear, his wet fingers forcing their way between your lips for you to obediently clean. Which you did without hesitation or complaint, even going so far as to moan softly at the taste of yourself.

“Now, are you going to be my good girl or do I need to punish you a bit more?” He whispered into your ear while lightly brushing your hair back from your face.

You could feel his hard cock between your thighs, teasing you with what you so badly wanted again. This assisted in you making up your mind, despite how much you enjoyed the punishment given.

“I'll be your good girl,” you promised once his fingers were pulled from your mouth.

Noah circled his strong hand around your jaw before placing a firm kiss to the side of your head. “That was the correct answer.”

Gently forcing your body back around to face his, he was careful to then set you on the edge of the desk. You winced at the weight being placed on your abused bottom, and it was only intensified when Noah purposely grasped the exact area, fingertips digging into the welts. There was no room for true pain when it was quickly overpowered by the euphoric sensation of him thrusting into you again.

Christ, if you weren't already dead then this man surely would've been the death of you.

Both hands squeezed your hips as he helped drag you along his cock, maneuvering your body in just the right way so he was hitting every spot inside of you that had you gasping for air. Your mind was occupied solely with thoughts of him, especially when taking in how he was gazing at you. It didn't matter that bits of his hair clung to his forehead with sweat or that you could barely take a breath without demanding that he fuck you harder, because Noah was still staring at you like you were the only thing in this entire melancholic universe that mattered.

“You're fucking amazing,” he grunted just as he pushed against your chest to lay you back on the desk again. This allowed him free reign to drive his cock at a maddening pace into your depths, his thrusts relentless to what your mere mortal body could handle.

Did it matter since you were already dead, though? Were you technically a mortal still? So many questions.

Your noises of ecstasy echoed through the study as your cunt throbbed around his twitching cock. The way Noah’s hips began to slow until he was taking long drags out of you, only to roughly thrust forward again, told you that he was close. You weren't sure how you knew, but you did. Just as you somehow knew other things little that would make him tick - both in good and bad ways.

“You look so beautiful like this.”

You couldn't help but to smile through your delightful torment, your body already so sensitive from your previous orgasm and all of the other things Noah had made you feel that night. From his unmatched stamina, so you could assume, to the pain of his belt across your ass that made your cunt clamp tighter around his cock just from thinking about it.

Noah must've noticed because he released a deep growl from his chest, his head now bowed and eyes closed as he continued his unforgiving thrusts.

“Oh!” You gasped the moment his palm pressed against your lower stomach and his thumb made contact with your clit. Your hips jerked and your thighs threatened to close, but his grip on the one only tightened to a harsh squeeze to keep you perfectly spread for him.

“You have to ask.” Noah reminded you, since he was well aware of what your reactions were pointing to.

Your eyes rolled back and your teeth sunk deep into your lower lip, breathless moans escaping one after the other, making it nearly impossible for you to say much of anything.

“Please!” You finally were able to pant out, a faint whine to follow. “Can I cum? Please?”

Noah smirked at your obedience. The sound of your begging only made him drive harder into your core, his thumb still working against your overly sensitive clit.

“Please please please,” the pleading continued in a faint whisper, this being all you could manage out now in a little chant of desperation.

Instead of voicing his approval, he merely gave a single nod just before planting both of his hands on the desk near your head. He was leaning over you now, his hips violently colliding with yours. Dark eyes focused down on your face and you immediately knew he wanted to watch up close as you fell apart for him again.

Your hands ran up his sides and back to clutch his shoulder blades, nails sinking harshly into his inked skin the moment your climax took over. Every inch of your body spasmed beneath his, your knees digging into his hips and nails dragging down his back in a way that made him sharply inhale in an almost hiss.

“Oh my go-!” The cry was nearly completed when his hand covered your mouth, preventing you from voicing the final word. Though this didn't stop you from moaning in a continuous yet muffled fashion as a wave rushed through your body and your cunt hungrily tried dragging in more of his cock.

“Fuck, you're doing so good,” he murmured in a low tone that had your insides melting and your orgasm freely flowing around him. “Fucking hell!”

Noah groaned as his thrusts became a little more sloppy before a final drive forward had him pausing as deep as possible inside of you. The muscles in his arms and shoulders tensed as he erupted, the vein in the side of his neck now more prominent. You couldn't help but to crane your neck forward just a bit in order to sink your teeth into it, bringing forth a moan from him directly into your ear.

Shivers traveled your body from the overly full feeling of him cumming inside of you and filling you to the brim, his arousal mixing with your own and overflowing. Still, your cunt continued to pulse and flutter around his cock, emptying him for all that he was worth. Your hips even rolled up into his again, purposely working yourself along his length simply because you could and because it felt so fucking good to have him stroking your g-spot, no matter how sensitive and spent your body was.

“I told you I could be a good girl,” you breathed against his neck while trailing your lips up in search of his. Noah chuckled into the kiss you eventually indulged him with, his brow finally relaxing now that you had stopped grinding into him and he could properly think.

Lifting his head after you parted from the kiss, he gazed down at you to admire how beautiful you looked with your cheeks flushed and a post-sex glow setting in. It was the first time he had seen you appear genuinely happy since your arrival, and while he of course wanted your body again and again, he also wanted to see that as often as he could.

“Don't think I've forgotten about how you acted at dinner.” His tone was serious only for a fleeting moment. Your eyes widened slightly, the welt on your ass pulsating as if to remind you of the punishments he could make you endure.

Noah cracked a faint grin before dragging his hand along the side of your face and claiming your lips once again. He was then standing to his full height and carefully pulling you to a sitting position along with him, where he slowly pulled himself out from your drenched core. A faint whimper escaped you, though you quickly covered it with a bite to your inner cheek.

“No need to worry about that now. I'll let you know when I'm coming to collect for your defiant behavior.”

Well, that surely made your pussy clench in eager anticipation.

Flexing and rolling his shoulders back, he muttered something about giving him a second and then scurried off, but not before making a quick turn back to kiss you again. As he disappeared, you took this moment to glance around the study. It was one of the many rooms you hadn't really been in before, Noah's bedroom included, because you always felt they were too personal for you to see.

And much to your own shock, Noah never entered your room either. At least you knew he could respect boundaries to a degree. But now? Well, now you weren't so sure what sort of boundaries remained for you two.

Taking in a deep breath, you lifted a hand to gently massage into the back of your neck, just as your eyes swept across the large bookcase that lined one side of the room. Something on one of the shelves immediately acquired your attention: a knife of sorts, a dagger, with rubies embedded in the handle. There was something very familiar about it, so much so that you found yourself slipping from the desk to make your way over to where it was displayed.

“I wasn't sure if you wanted to remain in the clothes you're used to, so I brought that and another option…” his voice grew quieter as it trailed off upon realization that you were no longer on the desk.

Noah's returning presence couldn't pry your eyes away from the dagger, nor could his soft demand for you to tell him what you were doing. Instead, you reached out to lightly trace along the sheath the dagger was housed in before ultimately picking it up and pulling it from the enclosure.

“What is this?”

Noah was by your side within seconds, his hand reaching for the item though you made an abrupt turn to step away from him.

“I need you to give me the dagger now…please. Then, maybe, we can discuss just what it is.”

There was a churning in your stomach and your heart was now beating so loud that you could hear it thumping within your ears. You recognized this dagger despite having only seen it for a few seconds after your captors all but dragged you to your death. A multitude of memories flashed before your sights of this dagger in particular, although in many different scenarios and situations.

Your eyes were pooling with tears as you finally looked up at him, both confusion and hurt written all across your face. It appeared as if Noah wanted to say something but he remained silent, his hand still outstretched like you were actually going to hand the item over to him.

“This was what was used to kill me, Noah. More than once. Why do you have it?”

#bad omens #bad omens cult #bad omens band #noah sebastian #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fanfiction #bad omens fan fiction #noah sebastian fan fiction #bad omens fic #noah sebastian fic #smut #bad omens smut #noah sebastian smut #noah sebastian x reader #smut with plot #god of death complex

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aesthetic-bbyg · 1 day

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JJ 🎀🫶🏼

THE POGUES HAD MANAGED TO FIND themselves split up. God knows what happened to Kiara and John B, without phones it was radio silence for hours. Pope was forced to head back to Heywards to finish up the hurricane cleaning he ran away from the day they found the Grady white. It left you and JJ to sit in the van outside your home, both of you drifting back to the intimate conversation you’d had.

It was inevitable thing, a hook up between two best friends was bound to end up awkward and confusing. What the two of you needed to do to settle the one thing you’d tried to ignore for months was talk about it. JJ was never good with starting up those one on ones, so it was up you.

You’d opened and closed your mouth multiple times trying to find the right words to begin. "Do you wanna go inside?"

"Yeah." JJ mumbled, pushing open the door as he fiddled with the jingly keys. You followed quickly, unlocking your door and revealing your dark home. Any source of light other then the sun had yet to reach the Cut. By what you had seen and heard, Figure 8 already had their generators up and running by now.

The only thing that illuminated your room as the two of you stepped inside was a scented candle on your dresser. It was strange how quick the air between the two shifted, sitting on your bed now felt like something JJ needed to ask permission for. But, he knew better, he knew that you didn't want it to be that way, so he casually rested on his side.

"So, we got drunk." You began slowly, "I asked you to do something and one thing led to another.."

"You can say that again." JJ chuckled, tugging at the black ring that wrapped around his middle finger.

"JJ." You gently scolded, but it nearly sounded like a plead. You wanted to him to be honest and serious.

"Okay, fine, I was drunk, you were drunk. We hooked up because you begging for me make you feel good and I did just that." He clasped his hands together, "And I don't regret it, but you do, so if you want an apology then I'm sorry."

"JJ, come on, I never said that." You sighed heavily.

"What? The part where you begged me to fuck you or the part where you regret it?"

"T-The—" You huffed, "The second one. Like I said, I asked you something of you—"

"Begged."

"And we ended up in bed together. Clearly, this has created a shift in our friendship because we were both drinking and horny."

"You keep avoiding the one thing you claim you didn't say." JJ murmured, tearing his gaze from his hands to look up at you. "Do you regret it?"

A long pause overtook your room, his eyes that stared directly into yours beginning to make your shell crack. You knew the answer and it crawled from the back of your throat to the tip of your tongue. It was something you could no longer swallow down like it was some sort of pill.

"No, I don't."

It was an answer that shocked JJ, his eyes ever so slightly widening. He licked his lips, his body freezing like he awaited for something else to strike his aching heart. Truthfully, it was pitiful how much he desperately wanted to kiss you. Every second of the day he had to tug his gaze away so he didn't smash his lips onto yours. He knew he wasn't good with feelings, but the no matter how drunk he was that night he could not deny the feelings he had.

The reason why he'd been so defensive and quiet the whole conversation was because he didn't want to hear the eventual heart break he predicted would come. But this, this was something he could only imagined. He would've pinched himself to check if it was reality but knew that your beauty was something his own eyes could see.

"You don't?"

"No." You shook her head, affirming his breathy words. "You want something, and I know it from the way you've looked at me each time I bring this up."

"I just want to relive it." JJ slowly slid his onto your thigh, his voice so soft and unlike him. Yes, he could be a gentle man but with his clear intentions, he was almost pathetic. "One more time, y/n, please."

You smiled, so comfortingly as her hand cupped the side of his face. "Okay."

JOHN B HAD AN EPIPHANY, A NEW LEAD on this treasure hunt. But, he needed his van in order to get to his destination. After it sped off from the light house he had no idea where it could be. Based off process of elimination he made a beeline towards your house, the closest and most likely to have, or at least know, of the vehicles whereabouts.

The utter relief that coursed through his body as he caught sight of the familiar Volkswagen symbol was enough to make him smile. Now, he needed the keys. Without question, he push at your front door but found it locked, so he resorted to loudly knocking for (what he thought was) a weirdly long time. His efforts came to an end when your disheveled self came to the door, lazily swinging it open.

"Dude, I've been knocking for like three minutes straight." John B complained, furrowing his brows at the sight of his best friend.

"Nobody asked you to do all that, I heard you after the first one."

"Then what took you so long?" The Routledge boy chuckled, crossing his arms. "Your shirt’s inside out, were you sleeping?"

"Yes, you know I don't like it when the tag thing pokes me." You swiftly lied, rubbing your eyes to clear up your blurry vision. "What do you wants, anyways?"

"Keys to the Twinkie, we got a treasure to find." John B smirked proudly, "You have 'em, right?"

"No, JJ does."

"JJ's here?" The brunette pushed past you, ignoring your calls ‘to ask before entering’ as he walked into your room. "He's slumped as hell too." You followed, nervously making sure that John B didn't notice the fact that his best friend was completely naked under your covers. Your eyes widened as the boy silently picked up his cargo shorts, your mouth opening to utter the infamous words of ‘It's not what it looks like.’ But John B only chuckled, pulling out the keys and dropping the shorts back down. "Swear, this guy doesn't know any manners, just takes his clothes off and naps anywhere."

You forced out a laugh, kicking the cotton boxers by your feet under her bed. "Right? Didn't even leave me any room, half my body was hanging off the bed."

The Routledge boy shook his head, patting your arm. "Wake him up and tell 'em we're leaving, still gotta pick up Pope and Kie."

"Will do." You smiled, watching as he walked out the house. You sighed in relief, looking towards JJ and gently shaking him awake. He let out strings of groans, not wanting to move. "John B's here."

"John B's here?" JJ sat up swiftly, glancing around all panicky.

"No, I mean, John B is outside and waiting for us." You chuckled, bending down to pinch his boxers between her fingers and tossing it onto his lap. "Get dressed, the treasure awaits us."

"You have my shirt."

You looked down, letting out a swift apology as you pulled it off and put your own top back on. JJ was still let out disgruntled murmurs, sliding on his chunky shoes and fixing his hair.

"Why so whiny?" You questioned with a laugh, watching from your front door as JJ sluggishly walked towards you.

"Was having the best dream where we had mind blowing sex." JJ replied, dropping his arm onto your shoulders as a both a flirty move and a extra form of support. "Hold on, it wasn't a dream."

You slid the van door open, pushing him in with a held back grin. "I liked it better when you were asleep."

NATTI SPEAKS🎀: This is a little exerpt from my JJ fic on wattpad (aesthetic_bxtch). It is an fem!oc x JJ i will say, but I have been heavily re-editing each individual chapter since I wrote this in 2020 as a beginner writer🫣🫣. I wanted to change the dynamic between my oc and JJ to be more of a layered relationship so this was my take on a past hookup affecting the present! Pls let me know if it’s good, or if it needs some quirks, I felt really confident for the most part but something in me just needs that extra push. I can’t tell if it’s okay as is or if I need to add something more. Please give me feedback, that would be very much appreciated💋.

#Outerbanks #JJ Maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj Maybank fic #Outerbanks fic #Rudy Pankow #JJ Maybank smut #john b #kiara Carrera #pope heyward #Rafe Cameron #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x y/n

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jyeshindra · 2 days

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MARS, SCORPIO, & ARIES

Mars: Ambition, drive, power, courage, instincts, anger, passion

Aries & Scorpio (Pluto)

Both are ambitious, driven people. Motivated by goals and desires. They want to take action and are independent people. Do not easily obey or submit to others. Passionate people and can be spiritual as well. They can both resist temptation and focus in on what they want.

Solitary people. Mars likes to operate on its own. Undisturbed and un-influenced. Can be loners or they just like to lead the pack. Both positions are lonely.

They both have excellent instinct and trust their natural talents. They have a strong sense of self built on their accomplishments. They are hard-working and can put their noses to the grindstone!

Scorpio is more subtle and reserved (yin/water) but ultimately has more stability and focus (fixed). Scorpio studies, analyzes, processes, interprets, understands. Pluto is the destroyer, so Scorpio has a lot of concentrated power. If Aries is a cannonball, Scorpio is a laser.

Scorpio has more endurance (Scorpion). They can weather a lot of different situations and will defend themselves if they have to. But this won’t be their first response (yin). They’ll likely figure you out first, pinpoint your weaknesses, and keep their head above water. But best believe, they know what buttons to push and how to hit where it hurts. Cold people, ruthless at times. More feminine-leaning Scorpios can display this easily. Spiteful people, can hold a grudge if they really are emotionally invested. Eye for an eye kind of people. They will linger emotionally in situations and fester.

Scorpio’s expression of Mars + Pluto creates this desiring nature. This kind of speaks to a Scorpio theme which is suffering. Scorpio can have a relationship with desire where it is extremes of grasping and staying away. Hot and cold hot and cold. Never satisfied. They are (yin) so they need something to fill them. Something to warm them up. They like to hold onto things. Some Scorpios can be indulgent (Taurus/Venus opposition) but it’s more like Scorpio will indulge their feelings. If they really want something and they’re fixated on it, they will indulge that desire.

Aries on the other hand can be more dynamic and bold (Fire/Cardinal). They like to explore, try different things, and make progress towards what it is they have set their sights on. Aries is not like Scorpio in terms of endurance. They can burn out more quickly, get frustrated, quit, or just throw themselves at the same wall repeatedly.

Aries is the baby (Ram/Lamb) of the zodiac so there is this theme of maturation with Aries. They need to master themselves and their abundant fiery energy. Scorpio is more likely to have the introspection available to understand their motivations and why they do things. Aries can be like this as well, but they can also be childish in their approach to matters.

Overestimating their abilities, underestimating their abilities, biting off more than they can chew, taking on too much at once. Their Martian energy wants to do, do, do, do, do, and it’s firing on all cylinders.

On the other hand, because Aries is so dynamic, their Martian energy is geared towards leadership (cardinal). Where they go, other people tend to follow or mimic. Something about their nature (fire) is infectious and inspiring. Their Martian energy manifests as a light for others to follow through the challenges they face.

Aries clears the path (cardinal) and breaks down walls. As it matures, it learns to focus its energy and apply itself in the right ways. It picks the positions that are suited for it. It does not only think of itself, it thinks of others too.

Scorpio learns to balance their control and surrender. They learn to investigate themselves and kill off the parts of them they no longer need. Ultimately, Scorpio achieves an inner peace and builds their inner security so there is no need to fixate or obsess. They channel that focused energy on the things that give back to them. On what makes them emotionally content.

Both energies are incredibly inspiring though, Scorpio + Aries. These people can bear a lot and are fierce protectors of the people they love. Aries may be more demonstrative (yang) while Scorpio will be subtle and quiet in their affections (yin).

#zodiac #astro observations #astrology #astrology signs #horoscope #natal chart #astro notes #astro community #astrologer #scorpio #aries #mars #martian #mars astrology #zodiac breakdown #zodiac aesthetic #zodiac signs

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trashytoastboi · 2 days

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Seven Days of Sin Event

~Angst Alphabet Shorts part 1~

> Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucifer

I: Injured: How do they handle themselves when they’re injured?

🎶 He’s more likely to hide the fact that he’s injured. He doesn’t want you all to worry or fuss over him. At most he might trust someone to help him out if he’s not able to hide it completely. He trusts you enough to tell you when he’s injured. Only because you’ll notice and worry if he keeps it from you as he has in the past. Lucifer always believes he has to handle things himself and hide anything he believes to be weakness, including his injuries.

M: Mistakes: How much do they want to fix the mistakes of their past?

🎶 Lucifer once upon a time tried to go back. That's all he wanted, all he thought about. Going back and fixing everything before it was even done. Why did things turn out the way that they did? He never could bring himself to understand. But now… After finding out the result of their choice, he’s content. Now that they had come to terms with their grief and adjusted to life, then things have happened and they created a new home and memories. Now he doesn’t dwell on the wish to go back as much.

V: Vent: How do they get rid of feelings they find unnecessary?

🎶 He buries his feelings, pushes them aside or finds an outlet like working. Lucifer never entrusted anyone with his worries or he felt that it would be an unnecessary burden for people so he bottles it up. Until it explodes into the messiest breakdown that you’d never see, because he holds it together until he’s alone and can just let everything consume him violently. Snot, tears, spit, everything. It’s a mess, he’s a mess. He’d never allow anyone to see him in such a way.

Q: Qualify: What parts of themselves do they consider dangerous?

🎶 His determination to protect his family. There’s no depths that he would not stoop to if it’s for their sake. Lucifer may be prideful but he’s willing to cast it aside for the sake of his brothers and let no one stand against him. He’s scared of what he’s capable of doing for them.

Mammon

A: Accident: Would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?

💰 He would blame himself, saying he should have stopped you. Or at least been there to prevent the situation from happening. He’d question himself, he’d punish himself. Why wasn’t he at your side? What was so important that he left you alone and allowed this to happen. If you were there you’d tell him not to blame himself. It was an accident, something no one foresaw. No one could have predicted it, or stopped it and Mammon tearing himself apart while believing otherwise is a painful sight for everyone to see.

R: Rock: What weighs them down?

💰 Sometimes he thinks back to the days in the celestial realm. He’s moved on, as best as he can and he’s living his life now. Albeit as a demon, a far cry from the divine being he once was. Sometimes he’ll do something, amplified and compelled by his sin and he’ll catch himself wondering why he’s like this now and why he couldn’t return to the way he was before.

Y: Yearning: Do old memories make them yearn for your touch

💰 When you said a tearful farewell to everyone and left the Devildom to return to the human realm. Mammon was LOST. He didn’t know what to do without you there. Every day he got up he’s the first one running to your room to get you, only to knock on a door that no one was going to answer. He’d miss you, and all the affection you’d give him. The hugs when he was sad, holding his hands to stop him from pickpocketing a poor unsuspecting soul, or how you would praise him and touch his head. He misses all of that so much. Why’d you have to leave?

Z: Zest: Add your own letters (A/N: Treating this like a wildcard and will just put a random headcanon)

💰 Mammon does not know how to deal with grief. Even hypothetically, you’ve had the conversation with him, the question of what he’d do when you pass. It was inevitable, you’re human, your lifetime is not long enough to match his. You would grow old, eventually passing on and you’d have to part ways permanently. Mammon couldn’t bring himself to answer because he refused to think about it. He can’t imagine it. A world and you’re nowhere in it.

Leviathan

I: Injured: How do they handle themselves when they’re injured?

🎮 He’s not a baby per se, but he’s not hiding it. Honestly he wants you to dote on him. He’d tell only you and ask you to keep it a secret. He’s good at handling the pain because he’d tell you it’s just a little scratch when in actuality it’s a lot more dire and deep than he led you to believe. He wants to feel that someone cares and so he’d tell you, the person who Levi knows would treat him tenderly and kindly while he’s healing.

M: Mistakes: How much do they want to fix the mistakes of their past?

🎮 Levi had too many things he wanted to fix. Sometimes anxiety would make even the most mundane mistake one worthy of fixing. If he sits and considers all the things he wanted to fix then the anxiety would swallow him whole. The big, the small, the tragic and the things that brought about real changes in indescribable ways. He wants to go back, he wants that redo button but in the moments when he’s content with life he really thinks about it. Is that what he truly wanted? At the risk of losing what he had now? Sometimes the thought alone eased it.

R: Rock: What weighs them down?

🎮 The way he is. He says, his self depreciation always leads into dark territory and he can name more flaws than things he likes about himself. He sees himself through the worst lens and believes himself to be useless amongst other names he’d gladly label himself with. He regrets the way he is, it’s a heavy thing. It takes a bit of encouragement, a lot of steady affirmation to convince him of otherwise and he craves validation to convince him. A single bad word can tear down any positive self esteem he builds up.

Z: Zest: Add your own letters (A/N: Treating this like a wildcard and will just put a random headcanon)

🎮 Genuinely wants to get better at connecting with people. He believes most of his problems would be solved if he could just connect with people. He says the wrong thing and will retreat, punishing himself for it. It was an honest mistake but would they see it that way. Levi goes into things always assuming people hate him and want nothing to do with him. Never do open invitations with him, unless he’s invited specifically he will assume that you don’t want him there.

Satan

O: Outrage: What makes them angry?

📚 A lot can set him off, he’s volatile. He doesn’t mean to be and he’s trying to work on it but it’s hard when he’s surrounded by people that drive him up the walls. Satan honestly hated the fact that he felt no respect from anyone. There was nothing but fear, and evasiveness. People had no respect for his personal space and it irked him, how they would touch him without his consent when all he wanted was to be left alone. Or when they would come into his room- his ONLY safe space and take away the very thing that made it safe.

P: Pressure: What stresses them to the breaking point?

📚 Satan has a lot of triggers and sadly unlike most who can calm down and get back to normality, his emotions stack up. They stack, and stack until they have no more outlet aside from OUT. They explode and so does he. Most of his outbursts aren’t caused by a simple momentary anger, it’s a piling effect of things that were simmering under the surface. The more people are afraid of him, the more he tries to control himself, fails to do so and it makes it worse. He grows fearful of himself and it becomes a vicious cycle.

T: Time: What if they had a limited time to live?

📚 He wouldn’t tell anyone. He’d leave. He’d go somewhere where he could be alone and spend his time doing things he likes until it was time to say goodbye. He would do so, alone, peacefully and no one would know. That was his initial answer when you asked this question the first time. His relationship with his brothers changed, grew and became something precious. His relationship with you- evolved into something deeper. Had you asked him this question again, he would want to be supported by all of you, and loved until the moment he leaves with you all by his side.

Y: Yearning: Do old memories make them yearn for your touch?

📚 Satan tries not to dwell on it too much, he doesn’t want to deal with the extra emotions. The answer however is yes, he’d remember you and your absence grows only more pronounced. He’d think of when he could lay his head in your lap, reading his book while your fingers played with his hair. It was calming, he could fall asleep, feeling safe with you. That was no longer there and you, his safe space, are no longer there. He’d remember your touches as something calming, filled with love and safety. He feels lost without it. He misses it.

Asmodeus

E: Emotion: What emotions do they tend to push away the most?

💅🏻 Insecurity - Asmodeus never wants to doubt himself. He ignores it, when he looks at himself and doubts his appearance, his existence. Feeling too far removed from what he once was, Asmo needed to embrace this new life. Find security or distraction so his thoughts didn’t discard who he’d become, so his past self couldn’t scorn him and look down on him. Asmo piled on compliment after compliment, found people to cater to his dire need to be praised and validated, to be praised as beautiful. He needed to hear it so much that he himself could believe it.

G: Great pain: What is the most painful thing they’ve witnessed?

💅🏻 The fall of his brothers and himself. The moment all of those who were once his allies treated them as traitors, the fight was vicious. There was no choice though, this is what they chose. To save their family, and protect Lilith. Asmo would never forget, not really forget. He could get moments of peace when his mind was far too occupied, focused on the moment that he couldn’t think about it. The moment he saw despair and regret, the utter pain that encompassed them all and the forced shame they felt.

K: Kill: Would they kill for revenge?

💅🏻 10/10 He absolutely would. Should someone hurt you or his brothers, Asmodeus is vindictive enough to hunt them down and kill them. He wouldn’t grant them the mercy of a quick death either and would get really sadistic about it. He’d forget himself and gladly become the monster when exacting such a brutal revenge. To send a message, to put himself at ease, even when he knows revenge is empty and cold. It wouldn’t bring anyone back or change what had been done.

R: Rock: What weighs them down?

💅🏻 Self destructive tendencies. Asmo is aware of them and he hides them well. Most people wouldn’t notice his unkind habits because he disguises them so well. Asmo knows what he’s doing, he wants to stop but he finds comfort in them. So he continues to do them every time he feels overwhelmed, he does it to feel a semblance of control. The result is met with him talking himself down, trying to stop doing it but he always falls into familiar habits.

Beelzebub

S: Sorrow: Would they feel empty after your death?

🍔 He’d be so lost without you. Beel would fall back into the deep pain of grief, a feeling that you helped him heal from and now he’s got to experience it with you. It’s too much, he’d be feeling so much at once that wouldn’t be able to decide what feels worse than the other. The sadness? The disbelief? The anger? Cycling through reasons of things to blame for your passing. Himself? You? Beel prays, something he hadn’t done for a long time. He wants to wake up from the nightmare because this is not reality. Everyone knows it’s hard on Beel when he doesn’t even eat.

U: Urge: How badly do they get the urge to see you after separating?

🍔 Beel misses you terribly. When you go back to the human world. He’s always messaging, calling, asking when you’re going to be back. When he can see you again and hold you. He’s missing you. He’s asking Lucifer every second day if he could go see you and Lucifer of course says no so Beel resorts to plotting with his brothers to secretly come and visit you.

L: Loss: What was their greatest loss?

🍔 Lilith. For all the brothers it was the hardest loss they had to experience, but in particular for Beel and Belphie who held a deep relationship with Lilith; it was the most devastating loss. Beel blames himself for so much, and still believes it was his fault that she died. Gradually, things get better. They do and the feelings that suffocated him became a little lighter, enough to let him breathe. He still shoulders the weight of her absence, and guilt.

Q: Qualify: What parts of themselves do they consider dangerous?

🍔 His strength when it’s misused, or when he’s hangry. Beel has no control over himself during that time and can only see the destruction he caused after the fact. His insatiable hunger, when left to get out of control, is the most terrifying thing and people have been hurt as a result. His brothers struggle to control him or reign in his strength and can only watch when he's wreaking havoc.

Belphegor

W: Wild card: A random angst headcanon

⭐ Started sleeping a lot more not only due to his sin. Belphie used it as a way to escape from everything when he first fell into the Devildom, the loss of Lilith, the loss of their home and their wings, when he and his brothers became demons and were forced into an unfamiliar and hostile place. Sleeping was the only quiet he found, away from his thoughts, his feelings and his reality. Dreams were better.

C: Crying: Are they much of a crier?

⭐ Secret crier. He hides it well and he won’t make a peep. He’d bury himself under his pillows and sob his eyes out silently just to get all the feelings out. He sobbed himself to sleep every night when they first got to the Devildom. He knew everyone was struggling and couldn’t talk about what he was thinking about or feeling so he opted to cry alone. It was easier that way so he believed.

H: Humiliation: How could they be humiliated?

⭐ The early days of settling into Devildom, humiliation became a part of daily life. With the outright hatred and hostility from the demons towards the brothers who had just fallen. They went out of their way to sabotage them, to chase them away and highlight their differences and how they were not welcome anywhere. That separation, distinction and mockery of what they used to be is what caused relentless humiliation everyday for Belphie.

K: Kill: Would they kill for revenge

⭐ I mean for the sake of a grudge he held against all humans he nearly killed you- had it not been for Barbatos. It’s very likely for him to kill for revenge. He’d have no qualms about it, he’s got a motive and a means and if that person hurt him, or those close to him. His first solution is homicide. He’s very quick from point A to B with violence.

Taglist: @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf @roninfromtheops

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