#therapy vent

[nympho-scene-boy]

VENT TIME

SO I HAD MY FIRST THERAPY 'MEET N GREAT' INTRODUCTION TALK AND.....FIRST OFF ALL SHE GOT TWO MORE THERAPIST TO JOIN IN AS IF I'M A VINTAGE FEMAKE HYSTERIA CASE.

I ALSO IMMEDIATELY GOT DIAGNOSED WITH BULIMIA AND ON A LIST FOR A PROPER AUTISM DIAGNOSIS.

AND THEY WANTED TO ACTUALLY KEEP ME THERE AND I WAS ONLY ALLOWED TO LEAVE AFTER PINKY PROMISING ALL THREE THERAPISTS THAT I WONT KILL MYSELF.

ANYWAY, I ALREADY GOT A INTRODUCTION TALK WOTH A MENTAL DAYCARE CENTRE FOR A 4-8 WEEK STAY DURING SUMMERBREAK BECAUSE I REFUSED A STATIONERY HEALTH CLINIC BECAUSE IT WOULD FUCK WITH MY UNIVERSITY SCHEDULE TOO MUCH.

[THERAPY WAITING ROOM BELOW]

[bpdcodone]

I told my therapist “all my drug binges are suicidal in nature” she looked at me like she was gonna hospitalize me LMAO I corrected myself real quick😅

[bladelovrr]

I'm feeling conflicted. Therapy hasn't been going well for me, to keep it shortly: parents are annoyed that I'm not fixed istantly, and I feel like my therapist doesn’t care about my problems at all.

A while ago I vented about how I can’t handle social interactions --- I was specifically talking about this episode of how I almost broke down in tears because the activity I had to do required social interraction and she dimissed the whole thing and went "Well, you just have to socialize". Ok but how???

I'm seriously considering stopping.

[chaosdisorganized]

I know I've complained about my therapist on here a few times and I do wanna say, before I make this post, that he has been doing much better. He's stopped pressuring us into doing trauma work and we're now focusing on learning about the system and how to communicate better and cooperate with each other more. This has brought out more frustrations we didn't realize before. Our therapist seems to have little to no experience with polyfragmentation and it's been very hard trying to explain our system, functioning, inner world, etc to someone who seemingly has never worked with a polyfragmented system in his life.

He knows we're polyfragmented, he's the one who acknowledged and confirmed it. But anytime we try to explain anything he just seems confused or makes comments that makes it obvious he doesn't really understand. It's very frustrating. Being polyfragmented is confusing enough and having a therapist who is just as confused or more confused has been not very helpful. What's most frustrating is we don't even know how to go about finding a therapist who knows how to work with polyfragmentation and is familiar enough with it to help us. Finding a dissociative specialist took us 2+ years, i couldn't imagine how hard it'll be to not only find another dissociative specialist but one that knows how to approach polyfragmentation. I feel stuck. Multiple different alters have tried, in various ways, to explain our functioning, structure, alter count, etc to him and he still just doesn't get it. It doesn't matter how many times I've told him there's tons of alter, like a lot a lot, he still treats us like there's only a small amount. There's other examples of course but that's been a main issue. Usually it goes: he asks for a message to be given to the whole system or asks if the whole system is listening, I'll try to explain that it's impossible because there's hundreds of alters and additional barriers like subsystems and such, he completely ignores me and continues the session. Last session I told him about how there's actually many alters who don't know him and don't know about therapy and he was surprised. I'm not sure what to do about this. I feel hopeless because like where would I even find a therapist who knows polyfragmentation? It's such an under researched, under studied topic that I highly doubt I'd find any in my area that even know about it or believe it exists. Im so lost. It so disheartening to spend 8-9 years going through therapist after therapist, finally finding one that not just knows, but specializes in my disorder, then discovering a year later that my disorder is too complex for even him to understand and help with. What do I do :(

[liightsnow]

Therapy offices should have lil stalls for us to wait in. I'm way too anxious to sit next to 8 other people while I wait for my therapist dude.

[enidsinclesbian]

one of the things i refuse to let therapy work on me is because i already know of outlets and reasons as to why i am the way that i am so whats a therapist gonna say that would miraculously impact my life that a internet research session wont when i already know; and if i did have “goals” i know what tools to use to conquer them and in the end therapy is just interacting with an outside human source (agreeing with you if youre correct or not) and not ai big deal

[three-eyed-cat]

Saw my therapist today

We didn't talk again about possible DID/OSDD. but we did talked about a few things. So this post won't be about my possible DID/OSDD, it will be more about the disorder I have an official diagnosis on.

Especially my BPD & the trauma that caused it. Honestly, this appointment made me realize how bad i was traumatized. I won't go in details, but we talked a lot about my familial situation, how it was when i was a kid & how it is now, which are completely two opposite.

He made me accept that i was neglected my whole childhood as i was a high capacity child, able to school work by himself, able to get friends. My parents but all their attention & love on my siblings with ADHD, which runs in the family, thinking i was capable to do everything by myself, especially school work or activities.

I don't remember a single moment in my childhood where I was with my parents, my few, only memories are me seeing them being around my siblings. Now, it's the total opposite.

Since i started to feel so bad to the point i couldn't go to school, they all cared. Maybe too much, because it's overwhelming. Because i'm not used to it. Because my mom allows herself to say horrible things, that are "supposed to help me realize i need to put more effort into getting out of it".

I don't remember much from my childhood, i don't remember much from middle school, i don't remember much since i stopped going to school, i don't remember much since i went back to school, i don't remember much since i stopped going to school again, i don't remember much since the start of this year.

Sometimes, i feel like I'm never there. The dissociation can be so bad, i forgot years of my life. People tells me stuff that i don't remember, that i can't remember.

I've been thinking of starting DBT therapy+ hypnosis to unpack all my trauma, as well as EMDR therapy. But i don't know how to talk to my therapist about starting these therapy. He's a nice therapist, but mostly there to listen to me, takes notes & give me advices. He's a really nice dude and i shouldn't be scared, but the medical trauma (especially around therapist) makes it really hard to reach out for help. I got so invalided by therapist all my life because i was "too young", so ofc i couldn't have any disorder aside from depression & anxiety.

I have BPD, dissociation, and i may have PTSD, DID/OSDD (once again, not self dx. It was all said by my professional therapist. Self dx is fine! As long as you do correct research! Which i didn't do, so I'd rather precise that it's a possibility, that I'm not sure of anything+ that i didn't do any research about it, but that yeah, my therapist told me about his suspicions) , but there's a bright side! I officially don't meet the criteria anymore for social anxiety! And I'm starting to not meet the criteria for depression anymore!

I am so glad i am starting to heal.

I'm so excited to not meet the criteria for BPD anymore, it'll take time but I'll do it!

And if i turn out to have DID/OSDD, I'll definitely go for integration.

[purrsongs]

on colors and being different and not being enough for yourself

(please reblog instead of liking)

[kitten-forward]

[bpdpotato]

people who do their research on the mental illnesses that their partner/friend has, deserve the entire world

[tapeworrmart]

Hole in the head 🕳️🧠

[bpdcodone]

Currently very high writing this but I think my therapist ghosted us as I haven’t spoken to them in 2 weeks and they won’t answer my calls

[babycharmander]

Weird folks: Vent art of any form is good and all but it should ONLY be between you and your therapist. Don’t share that stuff online or publish it!!!

Me, an artist/writer: *goes to therapy, talks about my trauma and mental health and how sometimes it’s hard to talk about it with others*

Therapist: Have you thought about using your art and writing to help you work through these things and share them with others?

[chaosdisorganized]

So I've made a few posts about why and how our therapist is shitty and after much consideration and inner system debate we've decided it's time to switch therapist.

It sucks because I thought we finally got a therapist who can help us. Like yes this therapist not only knows about DID but specializes in it and actually understands our experiences and doesn't think we're saying the most absurd crazy shit about what's going on in our head. But nope, instead of helping us stabilize, he just keeps pushing emdr on us like he's trying to speed up the process and push us out the door. Through our session I've lost all trust for him and no longer feel safe to share things with him anymore. It's gotten to a point where I spend most of our sessions lying to him because I don't feel safe enough to be honest. I feel completely hopeless though. It's been over 9 years, he's our 17th therapist, and I'm starting to feel like maybe nobody can help us. Maybe he's not doing anything wrong and we're just helpless and there's nothing anyone can do. I'm worried that my biggest fear will be realized, that all these years, and therapist, and money will be a waste and we can't be helped. I'm worried that maybe my dad was right and I would be better off killing myself. This is all so fucked. I wanna die. I'm so tired of this. How many times do I have to start over with a new therapist until I find one that actually sticks around and doesn't totally suck? I'm so fucking tired of this shit. I'm so done. I feel so hopeless rn.

[denszuu]

a burning hill // mitski

[nothing0fnothing]

The number of times I've caught myself in the middle of telling myself how worthless, unlovable, dislikable and embarrassing I am is too many. It's almost every day.

And sometimes I correct myself and say "I am not unlovable" "I am allowed to make mistakes" "I have grown and changed since then."

Sometimes, I just wallow in the shame.