#there’s a person with half of my soul walking around and i can’t do shit about it

[chappelroans]

missing someone bad for you

trista mateer / trista mateer / sue zhao / u.k / u.k / clementine von radics / trista mateer

[moominsuki]

✎ᝰ ITOSHI RIN ; — he promised he would never make you sad. even new promises can be born out of broken ones.

࿄ ! warnings — gn!reader except for the usage of ‘girl’, angst & lots of comfort. sfw! / note. my first time writing for rin so go easy on me :,} he makes my heart so warm. enjoy lovies <3

arguments with rin were akin to a battlefield. it hurts more than anything when he spits venom in your face, relaying words that should never be said by a man to his woman.

perhaps it’s the fact that you know him so deeply that reassures a hopeful part of you - a part of you that loves the dark, teal-hued haired man. it’s so tumultuous the way rin can go from zero to a hundred in seconds and suddenly, you’re walking on egg shells around him.

this time though, he knows for certain he’s fucked up. he can see it in the way fat tears run down the softness of your pink cheeks, and in the way that you relinquish all your weaponry, baring only a white flag and your soul:

“you’re right, rin. what do i know?”

it’s been a day and half and rin feels like hot garbage. he’s taking advantage of every half time to see if you’d message him first and his fingers always hover and twitch over the keyboard before the screen inevitably turns dark at his lack of activity and all he can see is his own tired and regretful face staring right back at him.

it was always you who'd reach out and, while he would seldom admit this to anyone, you were a constant in his life, the one person who understood him better than even himself. and now, he could feel you slipping out of his grasp, feeling a sense of despair creeping in.

he’s moving like he’s on auto pilot for the tedious remainder of his practice and he’s realised that you both haven’t gone this long without speaking in a long while and it sucks. why wouldn’t you understand that he’s a working man? he - you both knew that this was complicated. he was a professional footballer now - on the precipice of surpassing his older brother, and could you truly understand all the pressures and expectations that came with it?

rin doesn’t even know the answer to that anymore. though, what he does know is that he’s treated a good girl bad. and he’d be damned if he let his inferiority get in the way of loving you like you deserve.

“rin? you good, bro? you look like shit.” says isagi and rin scoffs before grabbing the black haired man by his shirt and pulling him close.

“what the fu-?!”

“tell coach i’ll be right back. something’s come up.”

rin speeds out the building before anyone can protest, taking nothing but his desire for you. he just hopes he gets there on time.

but it’s not like you’re doing anything particularly profound yourself. having called sick from university for a second day in the row, you’re eating leftover curry from the nights before... the nights when you and rin were cuddled up and you were spoon feeding him this exact meal.

you couldn’t stop the tears from dribbling down your face and right into your bowl. you hate that idiot. you hate that your heart beats for him and him only, even though he makes you feel like this on the bad days.

‘but there shouldn’t be any bad days,’ you think and the wrists of your sweater mop up any salty tears and snot from your face.

you can’t help but wonder if this was a sign from the universe - if you were destined to go your separate ways, to become nothing more than distant memories of a simpler time, a time in which rin would’ve ate glass if it meant he’d never see you cry again.

“you don’t have to do that, idiot,” you giggle, “though it would be a good punishment. are you manifesting that for yourself?”

rin shakes his head that’s kneading against your bare tummy, your t-shirt having been ridden up so he could press his cheek against the warm skin of your belly.

“just shut up… i would do a lot of things so that you’d never cry,” he grumbles cutely, ears red and you run your fingers through his hair as he lets out a puff of air.

“i’ll hold you to that, rinnie.”

three hard knocks against your front door throws you out of your reminiscing and you quickly wipe and pat at your face as hard as you can to brush away any remnants of a sadness-fuelled crying session before padding away to open at the door.

“hi - oh.”

you don’t know why you’re so surprised to see him but to see him like this? all sweated up, out of breath and pink in the face were all symptoms that were reserved for his football practice. the rin you knew would never sacrifice his prime training hours just to see you-

“just give me a minute. you - you don’t have to let me in. but i just wanted to say i love you, y/n. and you deserve better than - than, i don’t even want to say it,” rambles rin, who’s short of breath and he doesn’t know if it’s from running all the way over to see you or if it’s from trying not to get distracted by how devastatingly gorgeous you look, even when he’s the reason for your heartbreak. you’re wearing the sweater that he got you and your eyes are all doe-eyed and glassy and your plump lips are pursed together.

“but i’ll say it anyway because it needs to come from me. you deserve better than me. and i’ll still want you regardless, even though i don’t deserve you. and i’m sorry. i’d still eat glass even if you want me to but it still wouldn’t be enough. i’m sorry.”

rin exhales loudly and closes his eyes for a moment so he doesn’t have to see the hurt on your face but all it does it prevent the anticipation of seeing your arms fly over his waist.

“you’re such an idiot, rin,” you sob, face stuffed in his jersey and he all but wraps two strong arms around and rests his face into your hair, wanting - needing to be engulfed by everything that you are.

“i still hate you for making me sad,” you say, all muffled and sniffly and he breathes out a little harshly at that, wincing but he knows he deserves more than a few pointed words from you.

“i hate myself for making you sad,” he murmurs and you sniffle even more.

“you should definitely eat glass after this,” you mumble and rin presses his lips into the crown of your head and hums.

“as long as it’s made by you.”

“shut up… you should, sniff, go back to practice,” you whisper after pulling your face from the comfort of your boyfriend’s warm and toned body.

“you’re sure you don’t want me to stay?” rin frowns and for the first time in almost three days does he see a beautiful grin take up your face and he has to stop himself crumbling into the floor while you nod fervently.

“seriously, you should go. i don’t want to be the reason why bachira and isagi start going off on you,” you giggle and rin’s lips upturn slightly and he lets out a half chuckle.

“yeah, you’re right. but i won’t be too long so… wait for me?”

“…ok,” you bite your bottom lip and rin holds back the dire urge to kiss you but given the circumstances, he decides not to overstep, already elated that you still want him in spite of his behaviour.

he nods again and goes to leave the vestibule of your home when you pull his arm back.

the dark haired man turns to look at you in confusion, “what-” but he is merely interrupted by your hands that grab at his neck and the push of your lips onto his own.

the way rin kisses back in reciprocity is almost instantaneous and too wild for you to keep up as his hands splay themselves across the small of your back to your waist. your mouth tastes like a faint hue of katsu curry and even so, rin can’t help but slot his lips over yours. you eventually throw your arms around his neck to get impossibly closer to the man and even though he’s smells vaguely sweaty, you can’t help but be addicted to the scent anyway. especially when he holds you like he can’t get enough of you and it makes a fire rumble in the pits of your belly.

“i don’t hate you by the way,” you say when you break apart the kiss to whisper on his lips and he hums, all placant and appeased from being in your arms.

“i know,” and rin leans down to kiss at you one last time and you push him away playfully.

“you should definitely go now. they’re gonna be on you when you come back,” you twinkle and rin can’t help but mirror the soft expression that sits on your face.

“i’ll see you later, y/n,” he nods, taking your knuckles to his mouth, and the action makes you roll your eyes and he smirks this time around.

“okay, okay, i’m gone.”

when you finally get to shut the door behind you, you saunter off to the couch to see a notification light up your phone.

rinnie <3: on my way back. i love you.

a salty droplet hits your phone screen but this time, it’s not a cause of sadness; more so, a cause of adoration for the idiot. your idiot.

you: i love you too, rinnie :) have a good rest of your practice!

the striker has missed approximately 30 minutes of practice by the time he languidly strolls through to the pitch and multiple sharp eyes land on him - despite his attempt at blending in to make it seem like he never left.

to say that the guys on the team lambasted him would be an understatement. rin makes a mental promise to never induce sadness in you again, lest he face the wrath of his annoying teammates. though he doesn’t really care what those idiots think.

he’d run out of a million more games if it meant he needed to make things right with you.

࿄ ! — all rights reserved © moominsuki. please do not copy, translate, repost nor recommend my work outside of tumblr. this is strictly prohibited.

[shankschewtoy]

Smoker, Luffy and croco boy with a s/o who has the same devil fruit as them and uses it to annoy/prank them constantly.

Crack fic pls

Take care love<3

not me starting to laugh like doffy when I saw this💀💀 ew. anon thank you for allowing me to showcase my endless amount of crack in my mind 💜

warnings ⚠️ - g/n reader, crack

- the amount of times you’ve scared the shit out of this man is kind of sad. I’m assuming poor smoker gets spooked a lot because of your abilities, and sometimes you’re not even trying to scare him 💀

- you could be minding your own business, floating around and flying around the room during a break with a face mask on. Bro walks in and just dies bec the first thing he sees is a detached floating head with a white face

- “WHAT THE FU-?!”

- and when he gets scared he sets off a bunch of “traps” aka stubbing his toe on a chair that was clearly out of the way, and hitting his head on the doorway

- “IT’S ME!” -you

- I mean- what the fuck were you supposed to do? The man just kept falling backwards into things! He thought you were some kind of monster so he just kept running as he tripped over everything in his way 💀

- this is what he thought was happening:

- “SMOKER. IT’S LITERALLY ME STOP RUNNING!”

- “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY GIRLFRIEND?!”

- Tashigi started chasing after him too because she was wondering something abt navy stuff so he kept getting more scared since he couldn’t see what was chasing him😭he just thought you were multiplying 💀

- I’d be scared too if some Smokey person is literally floating after me with a face mask 😂😂😂

- man smoked 56 cigarettes before finally calming down

- “I wish you didn’t have the same devilfruit as me y/n.”

- “OH COME ON I WASNT EVEN TRYING TO SCARE YOU!”

- “IT WORKED!” -him

- “Do you still love me tho?” -you

- “..yeah.”

- on your birthday he blew himself into a balloon and camouflaged into the numerous balloons you got from the crew before you woke up

- when you finally woke up (keep in mind, Luffy was so determined that he woke up early for this prank :0) you stared at the balloons with a smile, the crew was so nice!

- “Hey thanks guys!”

- you walked over to them and took the string of one of them in your hand. It’s amazing how you didn’t hear Luffy giggling like a maniac 😭

- he scooted behind you, making himself lose a bit of air so his blown up face was right behind your head, tapping your shoulder with his long arm

- “BOOO!”

- Nah you smacked the shit out of him, screaming as your fists were covered in haki, ready to punch the absolute soul out of him from fear

- “Luffy?! WHAT THE HELL?!”

- “Ow! Why did you punch me?!”

- “BECAUSE YOU SCARED ME!”

- Poor dude’s face was swollen for the whole day, and you apologized for hitting him after he said sorry for scaring you.

- can you imagine a Luffy balloon in your face? No I don’t mean just his stomach blowing up, I mean his fucking face blown up, and the rest of his body looking all skinny as the string 💀💀 pls I’d cry and shit my pants

- you really can’t beat him in pranks because he always seemed to get you better 😭 but you sure tried

- at night when he was snoring away, you attached yourself to the ceiling, your limbs stretching as your head stretched down to him. (You looked like my sleep demon) “Pssst, Luuuuuuffyyy!”

- “Hm???”

- ok when you’re half asleep you can’t really make out anything, so all the poor guy saw was a fucking demon

- the way he screamed and ran was hilarious, he did not sleep well for days, and clung onto you in bed or whenever he got a chance 🥲

- 100% done with your shit :)

- One time you pretended you were a sandcastle on the beach and waited for him to get closer before making your face pop out at him

- he smacked you with his hook. And… broke your nose 💀

- “…Sorry.”

- “…It’s fine. I’m sorry for trying to scare you.”

- you’re literally struggling to hold in your tears with blood pouring from your nose (BRO WHEN YOUR NOSE GETS SMACKED IT HURTS)

- he felt bad because you’re trying not to cry while sobbing. Poor guy didn’t mean to slap you with haki 💀 nor did he mean to break your nose in half

- he gave you a hug, and let you wear his coat as long as you want since it’s super cozy and fluffy. Also made sandcastles with you while you recovered

- after you felt better, and your nose was finally healed, you both went to the beach again to relax.

- He didn’t like going near the water so he just sat on a chair and watched you find seashells, little sea snails, and other stuff. You brought one back for him, and I swear you’re going to kill the poor guy because of how sweet you are 😭

- he found a mound of sand next to his chair and sighed, you’re trying to prank him again? Didn’t you ever learn?

- “y/n I know that’s you.”

- when there was no response, he grumbled and stood up, poking at the mound with a sigh.

- “Y/n. Please stop.”

- “Huh? Crocodile? Why are you poking that mound of sand?” -you

- his eyes widened as he turned around to see you standing there with a couple sea shells. Wait a damn minute, then what the fuck was this mound of sand doing here?!

- “CROCODILE THOSE ARE SAND SNAKES!”

- The snakes poked their heads out and poor Crocodile picked you up bridal style and started running as they chased you two

- “I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU!” -him

- “I’M NOT DUMB ENOUGH TO DO THAT AGAIN!”

- You gotta hand it to him, the first thing he did when he saw those snakes was pick you up and start running as fast as he could 😭 you were glad you had such a caring man :))) because doffy would’ve totally left you to die 💀

a/n - I feel bad for smoker

[arithestrawberry]

Drunk, and in love.

A very small fluff!

Intro: your drunk at a bar and find a pretty masked man called ghost. You drunk both in love and intoxicated. Shoot your shot!

Afab!reader, intoxication, over all fluff of my boy Simon.😔

Holy shit this bar is empty.. and holy shit your drunk. A group of soldier, or that’s what it seems from their pretty uniforms, masks, and vests. One catches your eye. A masked man with a creepy skull on his mask. And the prettiest fuckin eyes you’ve ever seen on a man.. whiskey brown like the liquor in his glass. holy shit, do you want him now.

He talks to his lads barely laughing seemingly more serious than the rest. You stare, more like gawk.. but how can you not. You’re intoxicated in two different ways and love both. He walks off to the bathroom you’d assume and you follow after. He turns a corner and you lose him. Right at the bathroom doors. Shit! You look around and finally feel hand on your shoulder. Iron grip. You turn around surprised. Only to see that pretty mask you’ve been gawking at. He questions your motives.

“What were you planning. I noticed you starin’ did you think it’d be that easy t—”

You drunkenly cut him off.

“Oh my goosshhh Hii..! SSorrry for staring your like.. realllly pretty.. wait is that rude-? Well. Handssssome!”

Obviously drunk Simon looks at you baffled.. this is now to him. So upfront. So drunk. He can’t help but chuckle, as you stare at him so pround of your confidence, and confession. You go to take a kiss

You hurk at the alcohol in your system making you sick.. and .. you black out. Only to be found awakened with the task force around you.. laugh and talking lively as ever. And a certain some ones jacket on laid pretty on your sleeping shoulders..

“She awake?”

Comes a heavy accent, Scottish maybe..?

“Think so- she did move.”

Says the bearded one.. they all turn to Simon and laugh getting up and walking over to pay their tabs. Simon looks at you as you sleepily look at him ever so slightly blushing. Half remembering what you’d done. Still tipsy, he just stares at you but if you could see his face a small smile would be there. You lean up. Apologizing for what you’d done and handing him his coat.

“Where ya goin’? Think you can kiss and run love?”

He stares into what feels like you soul.. then you hop down from your bar stool and your legs weaker you almost fall. He catches you of course. Grabbing you and carrying you bridal style as any gentleman would.

“I’ll take you home love. Now will it me mine or yours?”

“Wha-.. mine your your what?”

“Home. Of course.”

——————————————————————————————

AHHH!! ty for reading! I don’t write very often but this is what I live to write for. Idk personally I think Simon is sweet under all that military. Ghost tho..- he can be mean

It’s okay! I can fix him. (Probably not.)

[coleskingdom]

Letting Someone Go

Adam Cole x F Reader

Minors DNI 18 + NSFW

@midwestmade29 @madhatterbri

Summary : Revenge and Sad Songs leads to betrayal

Coles POV

Finding her was never hard when Jay was out of town, she liked a drink and a country cover band at the place in town. She sat at the back by herself with her vodka and soda. She looked more relaxed when she wasn’t around him softer, prettier not that any of that mattered for my plan to work. Jay had made all of this personal, first with the concussion he gave me, then the constant condescension, and finally only half heartedly coming after me as if I wasn’t a threat to him. I needed to hurt him mentally, I needed to shatter his soul, to hit him in his known weakness her. She was going to be collateral damage.

My POV

I saw him when he walked in, this wasn’t Cole’s scene. I wondered what he wanted, why he was here. I kicked out a chair, “ Adam sit” I said cooly,” what do you want?” . His eyes showed a slight surprise I clearly had interrupted his thought process. “ what would Jay say about this? You asking me to sit“ the smirk on his face. “ I didn’t ask I’m pretty sure I told you.” my tone unamused. “ Besides, I do this thing called whatever I want. “ raising my drink at him. He didn’t need to know that I had just had a fight with Jay, that we’d been fighting for weeks. He sat down and flagged the waitress down for another round.

“So?” I said eyeing him, his brown hair slicked back into a pony tail, a black v neck shirt, jeans and boots. He was attractive always had been, his eyes a light blue, the lines around his eyes told me he laughed a lot.

Adam’s POV

Fuck, this isn’t going to be as easy as I thought. She’s waiting on me to say something . “ I thought I’d come out to have a drink” I said wondering if I could charm my way in. “Really?” She questioned “ This bar tonight? When I thought you were looking for little ol me” her over emphasized twang making me laugh. “ What? Why?” I asked “Oh I don’t know, Jay is my boyfriend, you have a vendetta against Jay, you want to get at him by irritating me.” She said “ That’s it isn’t it.” as my face was clearly shocked. “You’re all the fucking same.”

My POV

“You can have the table, I’m done.” anger rising. “I swear to God it never fucking stops. Between the time away , the travel, the kayfabe that turns into a shoot. It’s too fucking much. I can’t even come out for a drink and a sad fucking song without his shit following me. Fuck.” Adam’s face fell, “ Hey, I’m sorry” he said his tone sincere, “Are you okay?” “If I wasn’t why would I tell you?” Wiping a tear from my eye. “No, I’m not okay. I just wanted a drink, to get away from all of the bullshit.”. taking a swig of my drink. “ How about a dance?” he said “ Your serious?”I said looking at him quizzically. He offered his hand, I accepted even if it was the worst dance ever it’d be funny. He led me to the dance floor the band started a cover of “PBR promenade ” he pulled me close and he led me in a two step, he didn’t say anything just led me across the dance floor.

Adam’s POV

There it was her walls coming down, I danced her across the floor. A little spin, my hand appropriately placed with just enough pressure to seem like I was enjoying this. Nothing like a soundtrack of cheating and heartbreak songs as a sound track to this plan, maybe it makes it easier, the idea of lost love, dreaming of someone else than who you’re with. She does feel good in my arms , she’s feisty but just wants someone to meet her half way. Her soft clean perfume, made me pull her closer, as the song ended. I held her a little bit longer. “ Thanks for the dance “ she said pulling away, her face a mix of emotions. “No problem” I said my hand lingering in hers. “ What’s one more dance?” pulling her back in, she nestled her head on my shoulder,I heard her sigh. My head and heart at war with each other. “You’re okay” I don’t know if the words whispered were for her or me. I felt her tears on my shirt, the words of the song hitting her , the only lyrics I heard were her soft breath and sighs as she pulled me closer.

My POV

“You can't lie to yourself

After loving something true

And I've never loved a soul

Quite the way that I loved you

You told me you despise

Everything that I've become

How we always turn into

Everything we're running from”

Why did he feel so good and why did I not feel guilty ? I’m crying in the shoulder of the last person I should be, but he’s here, and his hands feel good. It’s just a dance I can leave as soon as the songs over. I can tell Jay I danced with him, I can tell him he won’t be happy. He smells good, he’s so warm.

“Take it slow as you leave me

Don't you go home this evening

With someone

You're acting like is me

And I will try my hardest darling

Wait on a star that's falling

And I will wait so desperately

One thing I have quickly come to know

Nothing kills you slower than

Letting someone go”

The song ended, the last line of the song, the double meaning as I let go of his hand. Walking from the dance floor, grabbing my purse and out the front door of the bar. I got to my truck, I couldn’t breathe. I heard his footsteps, “I can’t let you leave like this” Adam’s voice soft, “let me drive you home.” his hand soft on my face. I looked into his blue eyes, there was a sadness there I recognized. I kissed him, his mouth reluctant,before giving in and pushing me up against my car as his body pressed closer into mine.

Adam’s POV

“Listen, I need to tell you something” I said needing to tell her what my plan was, I needed absolution from this. “ I don’t care, whatever it is I don’t care” she said cutting me off. Kissing me again wrapping her arms around my neck. If she doesn’t care then who am I to force the issue it’s what I came here to do. I kiss her deeper bringing her as close to me as I can. “ Honey, we can stay here, I can take you home, or you can come home with me.” In her ear.

My POV

I should just go home, I should just go home but why does he feel so good? Jay would forgive anyone but him, I’m not going to delude myself into thinking he wouldn’t find out. He presses me further against the truck, parting my legs with his, kisses move down my jaw, and to my ear I barely recognize the noises coming out of my own mouth. “Adam, truck please” he moved me barely catching my breathe to the side as he opened the truck door and climbed in the drivers side, he chuckled and smiled as he looked at me as he moved the bench seat back before helping me up and settle on his lap. Face to face in the truck it feels more intimate than it should, he kisses me again bringing me back to the moment and my overwhelming desire for him.

“Honey , you’re gonna be the death of me” as he bucked his hips in to me making me whimper. He continues his ministrations kissing down my jaw and neck as I grind against his lap, the combination of his jeans and the seam of my shorts the friction on my clit was addictive. I reached around and pulled his hair down. As I pulled away from his mouth on my neck reaching for the hem of his v neck, as I pulled it up over his head. His chiseled chest and arms further stoke the fire inside. He hums as I run my hands down his chest letting me take my time. “Honey, as pretty as you look in this top, I’m gonna need it gone as I’m much more interested in what’s underneath.” I raised my arms so that he could take it off.

"Honey you're fucking perfect," Adam pulls your hand that was going to cover yourself and places it between both your crotches onto his hard cock. You both moan out at the sensation. Adam reaches up to unbutton your shorts and you aid him in pulling them down and tossing them to rest with your discarded shirts. Only the black lace thong remained. The phone rang in my purse but I ignored it.

Adam’s fingers toyed with the edge of my panties before he pulled my panties to the side to catch a glimpse of your wetness.

"All for you Adam," Adams whole body audibly twitched at that admission and he pulled me in by the back of the head for another deep kiss with his hand that wasn't between my legs. As you kissed messily with your free hands palming over his length Adam increased his speed and plunged his middle finger into you. I moaned against his mouth at the intrusion and whimpered trying to find something coherent to say.

"Adam please I'm so close,"

"I know honey, please cum for me." Adam begged whilst he circled my clit once more with his thumb. Feeling myself clench around him Adam repeated his actions over and over as I moved against him as pleasure overcame me. Breathing hard. I kissed him, parting from the kiss, he stuck his fingers in his mouth and licked them clean. His blue eyes focusing on mine as the phone rang again. “ You probably should get that , he’s gonna keep calling.” his cocky tone bringing the gravity of what we just did to the forefront of my mind. I dug for the phone and tried to get off his lap his hands held my hips in place.

I answered “ Hey Jay, sorry I didn’t hear the phone in the bar.” trying to compose my voice, Adam mouthed put it on speaker, I mouthed no . He reached for the phone and hit the speaker button. Adam heard Jays explanation for the fight and the generic I’m sorry. Adam bucked up into me causing a laugh curse moan to fall from my lips. “Are you okay he asked?” his voice concerned. “I’m tipsy, and I just kind of tripped.” trying to not moan again. He chastised me for being out tipsy, that I should be more careful. “I’ve got to go, we will talk when you get back.” as Adam found the place on my neck. I hung up the phone finally releasing the breath I held. “Oh Honey, did you think I was going to say something?” I nodded, “ Why would I do that? When your neck has the imprint of my lips on it.” his cocky tone replacing the soft sweet tone, that he’d used earlier. I got off of his lap and put back on my clothes refusing to meet his eyes. “Honey don’t be that way, we had fun, I know you did. “his grin caused a shiver down my spine. “This is all up to you, you can tell him break his heart, I can tell him, or I’ll make a one time offer we don’t tell him and we do this again sometime.” his voice fully composed and with an edge. “Adam” my voice pleading with him not sure what I was agreeing to. “ I’m gonna say you’re gonna pick the first or last option, no need to answer now. You’re too feisty to let me be the one to do it, but you do have a self preservation instinct. However , I think you liked this more than you’re going to admit” as he reached for his shirt putting it back on. “Get out” refusing to look at him. “ Honey, I’m going” he turned my face to his and kissed me again deeply and possessive before getting out of the truck and shutting the door. I didn’t know what I was going to do. As I started the truck and drove away.

Adam’s POV

The mix of emotions that were warring inside was not what I expected. I expected to feel satisfied instead, I missed her, and realized that I wouldn’t hurt her, even if it furthered my goal. Though something told me she’d be back as I watched her peel out of the parking lot.

Song list

PBR Promenade American Aquarium

Letting Someone Go Zach Bryan

Something in the Orange Zach Bryan

Sun To Me Zach Bryan

City Lights American Aquarium

[gooddaysmeanwritingdays]

Bad Days

Pairing: Steven Grant x gn!Reader, Marc Spector x gn!Reader, Jake Lockley x gn!Reader Fandom: Moon Knight Warnings: Reader has a bad day and snaps at their darlings, hurt/comfort, so much fluff, swearing Word Count: 3.6k Summary: You had a bad day and your darlings take care of you

A/N: This fic is set after the show (like 4 years? after) where Reader and their darlings are in an established relationship. This is my first fic (and first x Reader fic ever) on here so I really have no idea what I'm doing. It also started out in first person POV before I changed it to 2nd person POV (so let me know if you see any errors

I also made a playlist for this fic you can feel free to listen to as you read this 💖

Divider by @maysdigitalarts

“How was work, love?” Steven asked, smiling as you walked through the door. There was a soft smile on his face—one he always greeted you with—as he stood up from the couch, but it faltered when he noticed your thunderous expression. “That bad, hmm?”

“I swear to fucking God—” you slammed the door “—if I have to listen to Gloria talk about her cat for another fucking minute, I’ll go mad.” Anger bubbled away beneath your skin, and you wanted to scream. “She wouldn’t stop talking, and when I finally got away, I’d missed my bus and got shit on by a bird!”

You threw your bag on the couch, not caring when it dropped to the floor, and everything spilled out. “I’ve told her time and time again that I couldn’t care less about her damn cat, but it’s like she doesn’t care! She just keeps talking!” You paced about the floor, getting angrier by the minute. “And then when I finally got to my car, I got stuck in all the traffic! It’s like every man and his fucking dog was on that road! And you want to know why there was traffic?”

You turned to Steven and he leaned against the kitchen bench, watching you patiently, warmly. “Why?”

“Because there was a fucking parade! But did they think to tell anyone? Nooo!” You threw your hands in the air. “How the fuck are we supposed to plan around it if we don’t even know about it?” You pressed a hand to your hair, knowing you needed to calm down—Steven didn’t need to hear this. “Ugh! A simple sign would have been nice! They have all the fucking voting signs up, why can’t they put one up about a parade blocking half the fucking road?”

You wound your fingers through your hair and pulled until the sting of the roots grounded you. You could hear Steven’s footsteps behind you as he came closer, but when he rested his hands gently on your shoulders you shied away. Hurt flashed in his eyes, but you couldn’t stop to apologise. It felt like the entire world was vibrating and your skin crawled when he touched you. You knew you needed to explain that it wasn’t him—that it was you entirely, but all you could think about then was escape. You needed to get out of there. The fastest way possible. Before you said something you didn’t mean.

“I– I need a minute,” you said in way of the only apology you could make then. “I just– I need a minute.”

Steven covered up the hurt with a nod and a small smile as you started to back away. “I’ll be here, love.”

There was a shift in him as you darted for the balcony; a tightening in his posture and a lowering of his brows as he watched you go. Your heart broke a little as you recognised the switch. After everything that had happened, it was still Marc’s instinct to take control whenever Steven was hurting. And it broke your heart to see them both hurting because of you.

You slipped outside, your skin crackling and soul snapping as everything caught up with you. It was still raining lightly, but you were too hot to care.

You scrabbled for your earphones, snarling at them when they got tangled. Eventually you got them out and into your phone jack, and it felt like you could finally breathe as your music started coming through the tiny speakers. It was a playlist Steven had made specially for your—every song designed to soothe the ache of your soul on the bad days.

You stepped up against the railing and closed your eyes as the rain tapped against your skin and the music wafted through your ears. You dropped your head against the cold metal railing and let out a long breath.

It was like today had been designed just to piss you off. You were good at your job, but today you had made every mistake possible. Half-awake you’d switched the good coffee for the decaf your boss left for the rude guests, then you’d sent the rejection letter to the wrong client, and to top it all off you’d then eaten Kathy’s terrible tuna sandwich instead of the curry you’d been craving since you’d rolled out of bed.

But after all of that, you’d still managed to finish early and laugh with your co-workers about how you needed more sleep. Because you’d been so excited to go home to see the one person you knew could make your whole day brighter that that stuff hadn’t mattered. Not really. Not when you could go home to his arms and just relax.

But then you’d run into Gloria from the accounting firm next door, and it had only gotten worse from there. It was like every possible obstacle and frustration had been placed in your path to keep you away from your darling.

You closed your eyes, your anger switching slowly to regret and self-loathing as you thought of the man back inside. Your darling Steven. The one you’d just snapped at when he’d tried to help you. The one who was never anything but good and kind and wonderfully beautiful. The one who always greeted you with a loving smile and a warm hug. He made your soul sing and your heart soar. The world brightened with every second he was in it, and you’d snapped at him like some hateful idiot.

Suddenly tears were pressing against your eyes, and you were regretting all of it. You swallowed thickly. You turned around and slid to the ground so that your back was against the railing. You pulled your knees to your chest and dropped your head into your arms atop them.

You were always like this. Whenever you got mad, you’d push people away. And if they tried to touch you it only got worse. When you got mad like that, it was like your skin was crawling whenever someone touched you—and you hated it. It was like you could have peeled off your skin just to get away from the touch of someone else’s skin on yours.

Because when you were mad, you just wanted to be left alone.

And it never mattered with anyone else because they never mattered, but with your darling Steven—it broke your heart.

You took a deep breath, clearing out the lump in your throat and tipped your head back to the sky. You and your darlings lived on the fourth floor, and the two floors above you didn’t stick out as far, so whenever it rained, the last two rows of tiles on our balcony would always get wet. Like right now. Right now, the tiles beneath you were wet and soaking into your pants, and the rain above you was dripping down your cheeks. And you loved it.

Anger made you hot, and there was nothing better than cool rain and soft music to calm you down.

Logically, you knew today hadn’t been that bad. Only Brad had been unfortunate enough to drink the decaf before he’d switched it, and the client had laughed with you about the mix-up, glad it wasn’t for them. And Kathy had actually thanked you for the excuse to buy lunch than have that sandwich she’d been dreading.

And on better days you didn’t mind talking to Gloria about her cat. It reminded you of the one you’d had growing up. You’d laugh about the copious amounts of cat fur left behind and the crazy runs they’d do after toilet trips.

And traffic wasn’t fun for anyone, but normally you could deal with it with good music and the windows down.

But today was a bad day. And bad days meant crappy moods and jittery limbs.

Your life had been full of bad days before you’d met your darling. Between your parent’s furious divorce and their absentee parenting skills, bad days had been constant growing up. But then you’d met Steven and Marc and the good days had started to balance out the bad days. Even Jake with his teasing had helped brighten the world.

But being in love didn’t mean good days forever. Sometimes the bad days would creep in, and the only way to get through them was soft music and cold things. And patience.

The cold rain seeped through your pants and the shoulders of your shirt, and you took another deep breath. You filled your lungs and let the cold and the wet and the soft music seep in, and you let out the bad moods and the jittery limbs and the crawling skin.

You took a deep breath.

And another.

And another.

And with every deep breath you breathed in the good and breathed out the bad.

***

By the time you opened your eyes again, the sun had gone down, and the drizzle had stopped. Inside, the lights were on, and you could see your darling moving about the kitchen. Even amidst everything bad, you couldn’t help but smile as you watched him. Your heart ached with how much you loved him—all of them.

Steven had been the first—the easiest—to fall in love with. With his shy smiles and passionate ramblings. There were many nights you’d fallen asleep to the sound of his voice, already head over heels for him—even if you hadn’t known it then. It had been like falling in love with your best friend. Easy, soft, and oh-so right.

Marc had been harder. After everything, he hadn’t believed he was worth loving, or that anyone ever could. And he’d been so angry. The number of arguments the two of you had had in the beginning could have started wars. But somewhere between those arguments, you’d fallen for him. With unwavering determination to do right, and that smile he’d give when he thought you weren’t looking—oh that smile could launch a thousand ships.

And Jake… Jake had been a surprise. Marc and Steven had only been half aware of him when you’d started dating them, but when you’d finally met him, loving him was like falling asleep—ridiculously impossible. Every second with him had infuriated you to no end. With his awful smirks and constant teasing, you’d hated every minute. Except not really. Because with every smirk there was a never-ending supply of morning cuddles and late-night talks. Falling in love with Jake had never been a choice—and certainly not one you’d ever change.

Because falling in love with your darlings was easy and impossible and inevitable.

And hurting them was like nails in your heart.

You could feel tears brewing behind your eyes again as you watched them inside, but you swallowed them down. You didn’t have the energy for tears now. All you wanted was to go back inside, into the arms of the men you loved and ask for their forgiveness.

You stood up, joints crackling with disuse, and walked back inside. Marc turned at the sound of the door and watched you—wariness in his eyes—as you set your phone and earphones down.

“Sorry,” you whispered into the quiet, knowing he wasn’t going to say anything until you did. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. Today was a bad day.”

He leaned against the countertop, setting the towel down slowly. “How do you feel now?”

There was a wariness in his posture that made your heart ache. You’d been together for four years now, and you’d had plenty of bad days—enough for your darling to know that sometimes the rain and the music didn’t always help.

And you couldn’t help but wonder if there wasn’t mistrust behind that wariness. You knew Marc loved you—it was something he’d never let you forget—but protecting Steven had always been his first priority. And so you couldn’t help but wonder if there wasn’t—deep down—some part of Marc that thought you would hurt Steven too.

You took a deep breath around the pain that thought brought up. You took your time, wanting to give him an honest answer. “Tired,” you said finally, shoulders slumped. “I just want this day to be over.

Tenderness flooded Marc’s features, and he held his arms out to you. “Come here, baby.”

You were in his arms in an instant, melting when he pulled you in tighter. You breathed him in and shuddered in relief to finally be home.

You pressed your face into the crook of his neck. “I’m sorry,” you whispered. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I shouldn’t have snapped.”

“You don’t need to apologise, baby.” He pressed his lips to the crown of your head. “We don’t get to control our bad days.” He wound his fingers through your hair as his other arm tightened around your waist. And just like he knew what you were going to say, he said, “And even if all you had were bad days, I’d still love you just as much as I do now.”

Marc shifted against you and Steven’s voice whispered through, “We all would, love.”

You whimpered softly at the love in their voices. Because that was always a worry of yours, on the bad days—and even the good ones. That eventually you’d push your darlings away. That there would be something that would finally push them over the edge and be the final straw.

But every time, they’d just pull you closer and tell you how much they loved you.

You pulled him closer and whispered, “Thank you.”

“Always, mi vida.”

***

It was when you started shivering that he finally pulled away. Jake cupped your cheek and tilted his head back to the bathroom behind him. “Shower time. Can’t have you shivering all night—you’ll make me look bad, mi vida.”

You snorted lightly at his teasing, making him grin that full gorgeous grin you so loved.

“There you are,” he murmured, dropping his forehead to yours. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you whispered back, leaning into his touch. “I missed you.”

He kissed your forehead softly. “I missed you too.” Jake interlocked your fingers and pulled you towards the bathroom after him. “Come on. Shower time.”

As he got the water to the perfect temperature—burning hot—you stripped wordlessly before stepping into the shower. You sighed in delight under the water, enjoying the burn to your skin. Jake’s grip on your hand loosened as he stepped back to let you enjoy your shower, but you pulled him closer, not ready to let go of him yet.

He stepped in behind you without hesitation—clothes still on—already knowing what you were asking. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer as he stepped under the spray. You dropped your head to his shoulder and let the rest of the tension melt away. Between the hot water and the arms of your darling around you, you could think of no better place to be.

“Better, mi vida?” he murmured, drawing circles against your skin.

“I’m always better when you’re around,” you sighed, leaning into his touch.

Jake let out a soft, choked noise as he pressed his face into your hair and pulled you closer. “Flirt,” he said in a strangled voice.

You smiled into his shoulder. You’d meant every word of it. Since coming into your life Jake, Marc and Steven had made every second of it better. Even the bad days like today were infinitely better than if you’d been alone.

“We’re better when you’re around too, love,” Steven whispered, holding you so tenderly you could have cried. Instead, you just pressed a kiss to his jaw.

Grabbing the soap behind you, he started gently massaging the suds into your skin. He took his time, and you were content to lean into them entirely. You closed your eyes and let them take care of you. It was rare you all had a chance to take your time like this, and you wanted to bask in it. To bask in the attention of your darlings as they planted soft kisses along your shoulders.

You wanted to stay like this forever.

You didn’t know who was in charge of the body now, but you didn’t mind one bit. You knew each of your darlings loved you entirely—just as you loved them—and in times like these you didn’t need to know when they loved you so wonderfully.

They let you stand under the water for another minute before reaching behind you to turn it off. There was a fond smile in his voice as he said, “Come on, baby.” He wrapped a towel around you as you groaned half-heartedly, your head still resting on his shoulder. He laughed as you tried to reach behind you to turn the water back on. “If I let you stay in until you were finished, baby, the world would run out of water.”

“And?” you murmured, not seeing his point at all.

He chuckled lightly and your lips tipped up at the corners at the beautiful sound. “And you wouldn’t be able to have another hot shower ever again.”

“You make a decent point, my darling.” You lifted your head slightly to level him a serious look, even if he could see the tired amusement in your eyes. “But I have an even better counterpoint.”

“Hmm?” He raised an eyebrow as he dried you off. “And what’s that, love?”

“Hot water,” you replied with finality, and he laughed.

He cupped your cheeks in his warm palms. “You are ridiculous, mi vida.” He pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose with a smile.

“But I’m your ridiculous,” you said with a half-smile, pulling the towel tighter around you.

He shook his head with a smile. “Yes. You are my ridiculous. Our ridiculous.” He pressed a soft, gentle kiss to your lips that you leaned into entirely. “Now—our ridiculous—how about we go to bed?”

That sounded like heaven. “But you’re all wet.” You pointed to his soaking clothes.

“And whose fault is that, love?”

You thought about it for a second. “Yours, darling.”

His smile was soft and endearing as he handed you your pyjamas before grabbing his own towel. You leaned against the sink as you watched him unabashedly. You didn’t even bother getting dressed—you just wanted to watch the loves of your life. To drink up every detail of him like it was the last time.

It was moments like these that made your world spin. That made your heart sing. Just watching the light of your world doing something as normal as dressing—and getting to do that, after everything you’d both been through—was beautiful.

I love you all so much, you thought as you watched him towel-dry his hair. It was so domestic that you couldn’t decide whether to kiss him senseless or melt right there. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you. And I’m the luckiest person in the world to be loved by you.

“Enjoying the show, mi vida?” Your darling raised an eyebrow at you as he caught you staring.

You shrugged like you weren’t still falling in love with him every second. “It could have been slower.”

He wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you in to plant a series of kisses across your face. “Here I am trying to do something nice, love, and you’re ogling me,” he laughed between kisses.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and smiled—the first real one all afternoon. “You’re my husband. I’m allowed to ogle.”

“Ogle all you want, baby,” he murmured against your lips before pulling away and resting his forehead against yours. “We’re not going anywhere.”

Your heart soared at the words and your cheeks ached with the smile you were trying to hold back.

Steven brushed his nose against yours. “I love your smile,” he whispered like a confession. “It’s my favourite part of the day when I get to see them, love.”

Even after all these years, he could still make you blush. So you smiled. It was the least you could do for your darling.

“There it is,” Jake whispered, running his thumb over your lips. “Mi sol.”

You closed your eyes, taking the moment to breathe. All you could smell was their cologne; all you could feel was their arms around you; all you could hear was their heartbeat as you rested your head on their chest. You were entirely surrounded by them, and for the first time that afternoon, you were happy.

“How did I get so lucky—” you whispered, “—to be loved by you?”

Their smile was simple. “You loved us first.”

You pulled their head down for a kiss that held every ounce of your love for them, and they responded with all of theirs.

Not one, but three, you thought to yourself, utterly amazed at your luck. Steven, Marc, Jake—you three mean more to me than you could ever know. I love you all. To the moon and back.

You basked in their attention, content to stand there all night in the arms of your darlings. But after a moment, they pulled you to your bedroom. Insisting you put your pyjamas on—even if Jake did send you a wink—before pulling you into bed.

“Gay pirates?” he said the moment you were curled into his side, and you nodded instantly.

“Gay pirates.” Nothing would make you happier than watching Blackbonnet fall in love while you lay in the arms of the man you loved.

You pressed yourself closer to him as his arm curled around your waist. “Thank you,” you whispered as the TV turned on. “Thank you for being here with me. You are exactly what I needed.”

You didn’t have to explain that you didn’t just mean today.

You could see each of them shining through as they smiled your favourite gorgeous smile. “There’s nowhere else we’d rather be.”

A/N: After I wrote this, I came up with like three more ideas for these babies so this is definitely going to turn into a series haha

Let me know what you think 💖

[takeyourcyanide]

Repulsion (original)

Chapter 2: Issues

Notes: I am just about done with the re-do, I just have to finish the second chapter of it. They both take very different approaches to this topic. Also, the very last portion of this was written days after the first half, just in case it seems a bit off in some way.

……

“You’ve got a nice little place here, Marie,” Stein complimented Marie’s quaint apartment, looking around.

The two had managed to make it back to her place by the time the sun had gone down, sleepily slipping out of the sky.

Marie had two small, white, and soft-looking loveseats placed opposite to one another and facing one another, separated by a coffee table. The little wooden table happened to of a lighter color, a cream sort of shade. Said table held a gold vase with a crimson rose nestled within it.

Marie also had a tiny, round dining table tucked away in a corner, the kitchen a few feet away from it. The walls of the apartment were white, an oddly specific white with a light pink tint to them. Stein wasn’t much of a pink kind of guy, but he did have to admit that it looked quite nice. Said walls were decorated with pleasing paintings, filling in some of the empty spaces rather nicely.

“Thanks. I tried my best,” Marie glanced over at Stein, looking around her own living space.

“Let’s head to what is now your room, I’m tired of caring this heavy computer.”

Marie walked quickly to the mostly empty bedroom, a mildly pained look on her face. Stein trudged closely behind the blonde, suitcase in hand.

Upon entering the bedroom, Stein noticed a few marks of both thumbtacks and tape on the wall, evident of old decor.

Marie, setting down the boy’s computer on the decently sized desk by the twin-sized bed, noticed Stein’s curious face, pointed directly at the residue on the walls.

“Oh, yeah, those are from my old meister’s poster,” Marie informed, swinging her finger quickly towards the unappealing residue.

“Figured. Still haven’t found another one?” Marie shook her head, appearing slightly disappointed.

Suddenly, her eyes widened, a fascinating twinkle in them as she audibly gasped.

Stein, taken aback, stared at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Why don’t you be my meister, Stein? We’ve both been ditched by our previous partners, we’re kindred souls!” Marie exclaimed, her last statement intended to be sarcastic. The girl exaggerated that element of sarcasm by theatrically flailing her arms outwards, grinning mischievously ear to ear.

“Are you sure about that, Marie? Do you really trust me? Personally, I thought you were pushing it by even letting me stay here,” Stein prodded the weapon in question, a confused expression painted across his tired face.

“Well, I can’t find another partner… And I have complete faith that you will not try anything funny. And I’m not as dumb as Spirit, I’ll beat the shit of you,” Marie playfully teased both Spirit and Stein, smiling. Stein chuckled in response, focusing on unpacking.

Stein lifted his head up, looking at Marie with a pitiful expression on his face, an over-exaggerated pout on his lips as he said, “You’re only settling for me, Marie?”

Stein purposefully began forcing his bottom lip to quiver, pretending to wipe tears.

Marie grabbed the square pillow on the bed, throwing it at Stein’s head.

The meister’s hand went to rub his head, feigning a glare at Marie as he laughed.

“I’ll let you unpack. If you need anything, just holler. Make yourself comfortable,” Marie said, leaving the room as she gave Stein a small smile.

“Thanks.”

Stein continued taking his clothing out of his suitcase, opening the teeny tiny closet by the door, and hanging them up.

Stein sighed to himself, about ready to collapse on the bed, of which was tucked away in the left corner of the room. It had a dark blue comforter and pillowcase set. The sheets were of a plain white.

Stein, after finishing with his clothes, bent down and picked up the soft pillow Marie had chucked at him, situating it nicely on the bed.

He looked around the humble room, questioning what he was even doing here.

So many years of learning the art of self control, only to end up kicked out and in Marie’s cutesy-ish apartment.

His impulsivity was one of his greatest weaknesses.

His hedonism was, too, one of his greatest weaknesses.

Stein was ripped away from his thoughts, focusing again on unpacking the rest of his items. There weren’t many, so it wouldn’t be too difficult.

He only needed to take out and organize his medical supplies and beakers and such. Then he’d take care of his computer.

It was as though Stein was starting all over again.

Time, yet again, to learn how to be a human.

———

Spirit laid painfully in his bed, staring up at the white, empty ceiling, the back of his hand resting upon his still pounding forehead.

His eyes hurt, exhausted and desperate to shut. Spirit frowned at seemingly nothing, recalling his memories of the past few hours.

He shook his head, sighing heavily.

What the hell even happened?

Spirit mind raced back and forth, from Stein to Kami, Stein to Kami, Stein to Kami.

Spirit felt utterly at a loss for what to do.

He wanted to speak to both of them, wanting to discuss with Stein about how to proceed forward, among other things. He wanted to apologize to Kami, and he trembled at the mere thought of it. She was undoubtedly furious with him, and if she found out that he was even considering speaking to Stein, she’d go ballistic.

Spirit hoped helplessly that Kami would cool off overnight, and that he could have a proper conversation with her. He wanted to explain his side, Stein’s side - listen to her side.

Spirit groaned, maneuvering his blanket out from underneath himself, wrapping himself up tightly. He rolled over on his side, long hair falling gently onto his nose.

He allowed for his eyes to shut gently, desperate for rest.

He figured that he deserved it.

——

Stein had long since finished unpacking, having left what had become his bedroom, moving to sit beside the reading Marie.

“What are you reading?” Stein inquired, Marie shifting her book up towards him in response.

The front cover read ‘What Evolution Is’ by Ernst Mayr. The book Marie had seen him reading.

“I didn’t know you were interested in evolutionary biology,” Stein raised an eyebrow, an amused grin on his face.

“Well, you seemed to enjoy it a lot, and I thought I’d give it a shot,” Marie smiled right back, attention soon returning to the book.

“You like it so far? What chapter are you on?” Stein asked, leaning a bit over in order to observe at the pages.

“I’m on chapter three, and yeah, it’s pretty interesting, actually,” Marie replied, nodding her head slightly, placing a floral bookmark inside of the book.

“You sound surprised,” Stein prodded in a teasing tone.

“Well, science is more of your thing,” she shrugged her shoulders, placing the book on the coffee table.

“Is there something you wanted?” Marie’s curious expression amused Stein as she stared at him expectantly.

“No, I was just bored.”

“Oh, okay, then.”

Stein leaned back onto the loveseat, a sigh once again rattling throughout his pale frame as he groaned in annoyance.

“Is something wrong?” Marie gently interrogated.

Stein’s head fell onto the back of the loveseat as he stretched out his lanky limbs.

He shook his head twice in disbelief, eyes narrow and almost confused-looking. His mouth repeatedly opened and closed, searching for a response.

“I’m not looking forward to this coming Monday. At all. What’s going to happen? What’s going to happen to me?” Stein contemplated aloud, staring thoughtfully at Marie.

“At least it’s still Saturday, I guess. You’ve got, like, another day or so,” Marie spoke, shaking her own head.

“God, I need a cigarette,” Stein huffed out, closing his eyes.

Marie rolled her eyes, slapping his playfully on the shoulder.

“That’s not good for you, you should stop that,” his apparent weapon scolded.

“Hopefully it’ll kill me by the time I’m thirty,” Stein smirked, knowing that would get under Marie’s skin. He knew she’d especially not like it because of the fact that she knew he meant it, even if only to a minuscule degree.

Marie slapped the back of his head, saying, “Don’t talk like that, Stein.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

Stein’s smirk never once faltered.

Marie sighed, rolling her eyes once more.

“I’m gonna go get some sleep. You coming?” Marie stated, standing up.

“Yeah, sure,” Stein followed suit.

The meister walked a few steps behind her, continuing to take in his new surroundings. It reminded Marie of a curious pet, discovering its new home and meeting its new owners.

Once Marie had made it to her bedroom, she stopped in her doorway, turning back towards Stein.

“You gonna be all right in there?” She asked, giving him a “tell me the truth” sort of look.

“Yeah, why?”

“Don’t experiment on yourself or anything - or me! I will end you,” Marie wagged her finger back in forth, narrowing her eyes in a playful, suspicious manner.

“But it’s my body,” Stein pouted, pout purposefully exaggerated.

“And you’re the one who didn’t stop me from bringing my supplies.”

“I wasn’t paying attention. And ff I even see even one new stitch or scar, I will harm you.”

“Sounds counterproductive.”

“Die.”

“Okay!” Stein beamed sarcastically.

Marie stared at him with a falsely annoyed expression, turning towards her bedroom as opposed to Stein.

“Goodnight, Stein,” she said, eyes softening.

“Goodnight, Marie.”

Stein entered his new bedroom, changing out of his day clothes and into pajamas.

After he finished changing, he tiredly walked towards the bed, lifting the blue blanket and slipping his body underneath it.

He laid on his back, staring intently at the ceiling.

He could hear every thought possible spiraling around inside of his head, so loud they were audible, detached from the confines of his brain, practically living their own little lives.

He, however, despite the sound of thinking within his skull, was not necessarily thinking about anything.

His head felt simultaneously empty and yet overcrowded.

His eyes assumed a twinkle of emptiness, his typical twinkle.

Was it all his fault? Was it Kami’s?

He couldn’t find it in himself to even care.

That’s what always gets him into trouble.

He is unable to care.

The only thing he truly cares about is science - what it stands for, what it is.

The only thing he cares about is satiating his curiosity - fulfilling his own desires.

Sometimes he wished so desperately - simply out of curiosity - to be normal for a day.

He wanted to see what it was like.

Perhaps his life would be easier.

No, not perhaps. It would definitely be much easier.

The lives of those around him would surely be easier as well.

——

Stein stirred, eyes begrudgingly opening at the loud disturbance that was the ringing of his cell phone.

He outstretched his sleepy arm, grabbing the phone and sitting up.

The caller ID read as “Spirit,” simultaneously confusing Stein and peaking his curiosity.

“Spirit?” Stein spoke groggily, not quite awake yet.

“Aren’t you mad? Why are you calling so early?” Stein looked over at the rectangular alarm clock sitting on the wooden bedside table. The large numbers ‘7:32’ flashed brightly, Stein squinted his eyes in response. He forgot to put on his glasses, ultimately exacerbating the spread of the red light, and making it mildly painful to look at.

“Yeah, I am. But I wanna speak to you, Stein. I have some stuff I need to talk with you about. Could you meet me at the park in like 15 minutes?” Spirit replied, sounding entirely exhausted.

“I mean, yeah, I guess. But won’t that make Kami even madder?”

“Probably. But she doesn’t need to know - at least not yet.

“Ok.”

“All right, then, thanks, Stein. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Stein put down the phone, staring at absolutely nothing within the dimly lit room. He shifted, placing his feet down onto the floor below, and putting on his glasses.

He grabbed his favorite turtleneck, pants, and shoes, changing out of his pajamas. He also grabbed his toothbrush from out of his suitcase, preparing to head to the bathroom.

He was curious as to what all they’d discuss, though he was able to guess some aspects of the upcoming conversation.

Stein promptly left his bedroom, entering the dark bathroom. He was attempting to remain quiet as to not disturb Marie, a small way of thanking her for giving him a place to stay. Maybe not the greatest way, but it was Stein, and he knew Marie would pick up on it and appreciate it.

Stein didn’t turn the bathroom light on, not wanting to be blinded at that moment. Even in the dark, he could appreciate Marie’s knack for decorating - something she clearly enjoyed. Everything was incredibly organized - another thing he could certainly praise her for. The shower curtain had a giant printed swan in the middle of it, causing Stein to grin in amusement. The hand towel by the sink was pleasingly soft, and seemingly of a yellow color from what he could see in the particularly dark room - the only light being what flooded in from his bedroom window, of which was covered by blinds, dark blue curtains having been pushed off to the side.

Her former partner really liked dark blue, evidently.

Stein placed his hand on the left handle of the faucet, sticking his electric toothbrush under said faucet. While soaking his toothbrush, he looked around for some toothpaste, eventually finding it in the top right drawer of the sink.

Stein observed his face as he brushed his teeth, staring intently and without hesitance. Even in the dark, he could see the bags resting underneath his eyes.

He heard Marie’s door open, as well as her light footsteps down the hall. She stopped directly in front of the bathroom door, rubbing her eyes and squinting.

Stein spit the toothpaste out of his mouth, cleaning his brush, as well as his mouth.

He glanced over at Marie, teasingly stating, “You’re hair’s a mess, Marie.”

And it most certainly was - various strands going every which way. She adorned a black, slip dress-like nightgown, and pink rabbit slippers.

Once Stein noticed the cute little slippers, he chuckled, pointing directly at him. Marie walked into the bathroom and nudged him away, taking out her hairbrush and running it through her hair.

“Your hair’s pretty messy, too, you know,” Marie sleepily responded, placing her hand in his hair and rustling it, making it look much worse than before.

Stein gave her a small pout, yanking her hairbrush out of her hands and running it mildly through his own hair.

He returned her hairbrush, leaning in front of her to grab some deodorant he spotted.

“You’re certainly borrowing all of my things,” Marie playfully teased the boy, smirking at him.

“You told me to make myself comfortable,” Stein shrugged his shoulders, returning the mocking smirk.

“Where’re you going? You’re already fully dressed,” Marie’s expression switched quickly to one of curiosity, similarly to the night before.

“Oh, why? Would you rather see me fully undressed?” Stein’s smirk grew exponentially larger as Marie slapped him on his shoulders.

“Just answer the question.”

Stein sighed, placing the deodorant on the counter as she shifted his body to fully face the girl beside him.

“Spirit called me actually,” his smirk was wiped off of his face, expression returning to his typical indifferent one.

“This early? And wait - why?”

“He has some stuff he wants to talk with me about, apparently. And yeah, he woke me up. He said we’d meet up at the park.”

“Oh, okay. Tell me what happens,” Marie said, staring up at Stein, of whom continued to simply stare at her right back.

“Is there something else?” Marie questioned, tilting her head.

“In order to leave and subsequently tell you what happens, I’m going to need you to move, Marie,” Stein plainly stated.

“Oh! Sorry!” She swiftly pushed herself up against the counter, giving him more than enough room to leave the bathroom.

——

The walk to the park was a rather peaceful one, though plagued with the screaming of Stein’s thoughts. They swirled in his head as incoherent ramblings, each attempting to get their own turn to make it to the forefront of Stein’s brain.

He peered up and admired the gray skies. It wasn’t sweltering like it typically was either. Stein preferred this sort of weather. It helped to clear his thoughts, even if only a tiny bit.

Stein fiddled with the ends of his soft, black turtleneck as he approached the park, walking upon his final cobblestone.

Spirit was already there, sitting on one of the brown benches by the entrance of the park, evidently a little nervous as he was biting incessantly at his nails, bouncing his leg repeatedly.

The redhead heard Stein enter the park, feeling his intimidating presence and just barely sensing his soul wavelength, whipping his head around to view the boy.

Stein noted how pale and exhausted Spirit looked, dark circles sleeping under his eyes where they usually were not.

“Did you get any sleep last night, Spirit?” Stein curiously inquired.

“Barely,” Spirit plainly answered, turning his head back to the ground.

Stein waltzed over to the bench, sitting down next to Spirit, being sure to maintain a safe and comfortable distance.

Stein sighed, moving to face the fire-haired male, just before asking the question of the hour:

“What did you want to talk about?”

“God, man… A lot of shit,” Spirit responded, fingers making circular patterns on his forehead.

“Still have a headache?”

“Unfortunately.”

The two were submerged in a brief silence, Spirit frantically grabbing at any semblance of coherent thought, attempting to put all he dragged Stein out here to discuss together in a cohesive manner.

“How are we gonna tell Lord Death that we are no longer partners, first of all? What’s the plan for Monday?” Stein broke the awkward silence, deciding upon a topic of which he figured Spirit wanted an answer to, as well.

“Wouldn’t Kami want in on that discussion?” Stein raised a valid question, a valid point.

“This is between us. Not us and Kami. She can stay out of it,” Spirit stared very seriously and determinedly at Stein.

“Good,” Stein replied, just as seriously as Spirit.

“So, I was thinking we can get to school early and head to the death room,” Spirit began.

“Yeah, obviously. But what are we going to tell him?” Stein wondered.

Spirit’s expression turned into one of simultaneous care, anger, and sorrow.

“Stein. I don’t want to get you jailed. We’re going to lie,” Spirit stated, staring intently into Stein’s confused eyes.

“You’re going to lie for me?”

“Stein, no matter how betrayed by you I feel…no - no matter how much you betrayed my trust, I still care about you. I don’t want to see you get severely punished. It doesn’t matter how furious at you I am.”

Stein’s eyes widened significantly. He could hardly speak. He didn’t understand it. But he appreciated it. It created a nice warm feeling within him - that feeling mixing with the confusion and the shock.

“Really?” Stein managed to choke out. He was utterly fascinated by this, obvious by the spark of childlike curiosity in his eyes.

Spirit had a sudden glint of pity in his own narrowed eyes.

“Stein, you live in an entirely different world than everyone else. And I’m sorry. I understand you do, I swear. But you can’t keep up with your behavior. It doesn’t only hurt others, it’s going to eventually screw you over, too.”

Stein averted his gaze, his whole body away from Spirit in response.

“I know. It already has, Spirit,” Stein emptily mumbled, sounding utterly pained and dead on the inside.

“Then why don’t you stop?” Spirit asked exasperatedly.

Stein looked up at him with shallow and miserable eyes.

“You don’t get it, do you?”

“Not at all, so, please! Explain it to me!”

Stein looked down at the ground, remaining silent.

Spirit tilted his head, exclaiming, “Stein, I know no one else wanted to hear you out, but I do! Tell me! I want to understand!”

“I can’t stop. And even when I try to, even when I attempt to be as sweet as everyone else, I am still miserable and unchanged. I’ve tried acting empathetically, but I don’t feel empathy. I’ve tried to have morality, but I failed each and every time. I’ve tried to be one of you, I’ve tried, Spirit. I was still miserable - possibly even more so, given the fact that I was unable to indulge in some of my few pleasures in life. Do you see now? I’m horribly miserable either way. But at least if indulge in my own sadistic hedonism, my own morbid curiosity, I’ll feel some sort of spark of something - it’s an addiction, it’s like a drug, because I never feel anything other than boredom. Don’t you understand how addictive curiosity is? How addictive sadistic pleasure is? Do you, Spirit? I can never be myself, I cannot exist, Spirit, I simply cannot,” Stein explained almost entirely with one breath, staring at Spirit with such wide eyes that it genuinely frightened Spirit. It felt as though he wasn’t speaking to something entirely human. Stein’s upper body leaned creepily closer to Spirit’s as he spoke, visibly passionate in what he was saying, despite sounding and appearing so utterly empty.

“Stein, you’re chasing after short bursts of fun. Ripping things apart won’t ever fill the void inside of you - that fucking black hole. It will always want more. If you choose to simply fulfill your desires, that’s your choice, but you’re only going to end up completely alone and probably on the run. You cannot run from yourself, Stein, nor can you ever hide,” Spirit replied, lifting his hand to pat Stein on his shoulder, leaving said hand resting upon his slumped shoulder.

“But I want..” Stein lifted his hands, staring down at them.

“What do you want, Stein?”

“I don’t know. But I want something. What do I want, Spirit? I can’t find it - the answer,” Stein sounded utterly breathless.

“I’m going to lie for you, Stein. Do not do some shit like you did to me to another student again - at least not until I’m not mad anymore. And scared, honestly.”

Stein only nodded his head, mouth slightly ajar, eyes like beady saucers.

“How will you lie? We worked well, so you can’t say that we didn’t,” Stein pointed out.

“I’ll tell him I want to partner with Kami. I’ll tel him Kami’s jealous, I’ll-I’ll tell him Kami’s moving in… Something like that,” Spirit responded, thinking on the fly.

“He’ll know something’s up.”

“We’ll deal with that when we get there.”

“What if Kami tells him out of spite?”

“I’ll let you dissect her,” Spirit grinned. Stein chuckled once in response, though he did not smile, his expression remaining disturbingly fixed.

“Stein, you mentioned psychiatrists and shit awhile back… Were you ever diagnosed with anything?” Spirit asked, sounding awfully genuine and sweeter than usual.

“I rarely spoke, and when I did, I either lied, said incredibly cryptic things, or turned their questions back onto them. They tried, but struggled significantly with the process of diagnosis.”

“Oh. Sounds like you,” Spirit nodded his head, seemingly in some sort of agreement.

“Why do you ask?” Stein tilted his head, eyes remaining large and aware.

“Just curious,” replied Spirit, shrugging his shoulders.

Spirit fixed his gaze onto the bench, seemingly lost in thought.

“What are you thinking about, Spirit?” Stein curiously interrogated.

“Where do we go from here?” Spirit responded, looking back upwards.

“We hardly even concocted a plan, Spirit. Shouldn’t we, as opposed to just letting it all happen?” Stein questioned.

“God, probably..” Spirit sighed, beginning to bite his short fingernails again.

“Lord Death is going to know something’s up… I think who we really need to worry about is Kami, though…” Spirit thought out loud, deep in his little planning mode, of which Stein found terribly amusing.

“You’re pretty damn good at coming up with things on the spot, Stein. We’ll worry about Lord Death tomorrow. Kami, however… Are we sure she’s going to keep her word and not say a word so long as we end our partnership?” Spirit peered up at Stein.

“You could try to hint at it whenever you meet up with her again. Ask her if she was serious or something. But she seemed serious. If she fucks me over, I’ll put her head on a stake, and place that stake right outside of her parents’ house,” Stein went on a brief homicidal rant.

Spirit sighed, saying, “I’ll hint at it. I planned on trying to speak with her after I got back from the park.”

“Oh, okay, good, we’re on the same page, then,” Stein said.

“Not with the decapitation, though, just to be clear,” Spirit spoke, waving his large hands in front of himself in disagreement.

“Yeah, I know, Spirit.”

“After I speak with Kami, I’ll tell you about whatever she says Monday - or tomorrow, rather,” Spirit planned. Stein nodded his head, flashing a thumbs up at the ginger.

“Stein, can I ask you question?” Spirit lowered his voice.

“Yeah, what is it?”

“Why’d you perform little experiments on me? Were you curious?” Spirit tilted his head once more, long, silky strands of red hair swaying gently over to the side. Spirit always had wonderful hair, it was one of the many things that enabled him to be the little playboy he was.

“Yes, very. I find you very fascinating. I find all of you fascinating. It makes me want to open you up and see what makes you you. And because it was a good opportunity to sort of experiment on someone,” Stein responded, eyes growing impossibly larger as he was reminded of his pleasurable fascination with Spirit.

“I don’t know whether I should be flattered or freaked the fuck out,” Spirit huffed out a small chuckle, shaking his head back and forth.

“Actually, I feel a bit violated,” the red head widened his eyes, a twinge of disgust on his face.

Stein’s light pink lips stretched into a sadistic smirk as gave a small chuckle in response to Spirit’s struggle.

“Fuck you, Stein,” Spirit said, half-joking.

“Yeah, I’m sure you’d like to,” Stein glanced over at the blue-eyed weapon seated beside him, smirk not faltering.

“I’m scared you’d dissect me then, too,” Spirit gave a frightened look.

Yet another sigh racked the long, suit-covered body of Spirit as he said, “I need to leave before Kami sees us. She’s got me fucking paranoid.”

“Have you considered breaking up with her?”

Spirit appeared almost offended at that.

“Well… I love her..”

“Do you love paranoia?”

“No…”

Stein proceeded to flash him a “come on, Spirit” look.

“I don’t know what to do… That’s why I need to go ahead and talk to her,” Spirit spoke again, visibly dreading the future discussion.

Stein nodded in agreement, rising up from the bench, Spirit doing the same.

They stared into the eyes of another, practically saying a silent goodbye, despite the fact that they’d secretly speak again tomorrow.

“Bye, Stein,” Spirit said, walking away towards his apartment.

“Bye,” Stein mumbled back at Spirit, remaining still and watchful.

———

Spirit knocked on Kami’s door, anxious and even a bit afraid of what was to come - not necessarily with Kami, but rather, with everything.

“Yes, Spirit?” Kami spoke in an annoyed tone, still in her pajamas, as she swung the door open.

“Could I come in?” Spirit twiddles his thumbs, an air of genuineness about him.

Kami sighed harshly, stepping out of the way, saying, “Sure.”

“Look, Kami… I’d love to be your new weapon, but…. You’re really jealous and a little controlling,” Spirit got straight to the point, trying to be as diplomatic as possible.

“Excuse me?!” Kami shouted, taken aback. She placed her hand on her chest, fiery and expressive.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but-“

“How the fuck else am I supposed to take being called ‘jealous’ and ‘controlling’?!” She continued to wail, eyes wide and offended. Spirit held his hands out in front of himself in mock defense.

“I swear I’m not trying to insult you! It’s just - ever since we’ve started dating, you’ve been a little.. neurotic, and it’s caused me to feel very paranoid,” Spirit explained, tone kind in comparison to Kami’s.

Kami’s lips pursed, she took a step back and forwards again. She opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, at a loss for words. Her cheeks were flushed with fury, and her eyes were teary with hurt. It made Spirit feel an intense amount of guilt - the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.

“I don’t know what to say, Spirit.. I’m sorry I’ve made you feel that way, but frankly, I’m hurt you’d say such cruel things about me,” Kami’s lower lip jutted out in a juvenile manner.

“Oh, please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you upset,” Spirit began, hands outreaching towards Kami’s quivering figure.

“Well, you succeeded,” she interjected, a stray tear falling gracefully down her cheek. Spirit rushed quickly over to Kami, embracing her. She placed her hands on his chest, attempting to propel herself out of his arms.

“What are you doing, Kami?” Spirit rushed out, eyebrows furrowing.

“I don’t want to hug you. You’re the reason I’m upset in the first place,” Kami continued to pout, arms crossing in front of her as more tears fell.

Spirit suddenly became wise, questioning the possible ulterior motives behind these tears, asking, “Is this just a guilt trip?”

“How dare you assume that?!” She wailed, only sobbing harder.

Spirit sighed, at a loss for what to do.

“Come on, just… Sit on the couch with me, let’s talk, yeah?” Spirit spoke up, hoping they could simply have a calm discussion.

“Fine,” Kami gave in, moving towards her small couch.

They both sat down, Spirit grabbing her hands and holding them sweetly. He brushed his thumb repeatedly over the very top of her hands soothingly.

“I’m sorry I upset you, darling. That was not my intention. I just wanted to say that there are things we can both work on-“

“Like your proclivity towards other women?” Kami interrupted, voice laced with resentment.

“I told you, I only love you,” Spirit emphasized, his head bobbing along with his passionate declaration.

“You’re right, Spirit. I do have… certain issues. I’m sorry,” she begrudgingly admitted, face turned downwards in shame.

“And that’s okay! We can work through it!” Spirit encouraged jovially, beaming at his lover.

“Now I can see how you managed to be Spirit’s weapon for so many years,” Kami chuckled, lifting her hands from Spirit’s in order to wipe her wet eyes. Spirit laughed himself.

“Would you be willing to work through it with me, so we can become partners?” Spirit asked, eyes filling to the brim with simultaneous hope and sorrow.

“Yes, of course. And I know this must be hard for you,” she responded empathetically, catching Spirit off-guard.

“It is. I’ve been with Stein for so long, I don’t know how I’m going to go about not being his weapon anymore,” Spirit shook his head in disbelief. Kami took his hands in hers, soothingly rubbing over them as Spirit had done hers.

“It’s okay. You’ll be mine now, love,” she spoke, smiling victoriously. It almost disturbed Spirit.

All of the nice things Kami said had a disturbing twinge to them.

And Spirit couldn’t help but fall for it - fall for her.

[girl4music]

“Vampires are a paradox. A demon in a human body. A hybrid - natural and unnatural. They walk in both worlds but belong to neither. A vampire is a demon that has possessed a human corpse. Demons can only leave their dimension and come to Earth if they inhabit a human body. They’re considered hybrids and generally looked down upon by other demon species. It kind of reminds me of Constantine. How demons possessing humans are considered “half-breeds” and must possess a human to exist outside Hell.”

I’m sorry but this is not the way the show plays it unless it’s a no-name vampire. The show contradicts its own vampire and demon lore in order to tell more compelling stories about its significant vampires and demons. Vampires in ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ are not suddenly something entirely different from what it came from although it may look like it. It may even behave like it. But it’s not. It carries the personality, mannerisms, qualities, skills and expressions of the human that died and was turned into a vampire. A demon did not possess a human psyche. Just a body. Thus, vampires are not wholly demonic entities. They are the bridge between the human and the demon. A sort of purgatory state. Neither man nor monster but somewhere in the middle between these states of being whereby they have the instincts and impulses of the demon but also the consciousness and free will of the human. You could even say they’re what you call “half-breeds” as they’re part mortal and part immortal, part natural and part supernatural. They’re more animal than monster. That’s how I interpret it because that’s how the show eventually plays it.

Angelus in particular is a monster only because he elects to be. Let’s not forget that Angel is a cursed Angelus. It’s not the other way around. Although it may seem like it because you’re introduced to Angel first. Now I haven’t really watched any of his show so I can’t really go any deeper with my study of him. I’m just basing this on what I’ve seen of both sides to his nature and identity from ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’. And to me, he is a mark of the early world-building. That of which was before the show found it’s footing and it’s stride. Before they knew where they wanted to go with it and what they wanted to do with it. Angel/Angelus is not the norm, he is the anomaly.

Spike is the example of what a vampire really is when there’s an existential crisis on what it’s supposed to be, on what it believes it should be. The only difference is that Spike is the one vampire that truly embraced vampirism as opposed to demonism. And any further humanizing of the character was based on his original being or his original incarnation of being. It is external influence that pulled that truth out of him. It wasn’t created because of it. It was already there.

I’d just like to remind people that when Spike’s soul was restored, his name remained SPIKE. He didn’t suddenly become reborn again and be assigned a new name the way Angelus did when his soul was restored. There was no curse. There was only a transition.

How does this explain all the other vampires that are not major significant characters? It doesn’t other than to say that they’re not major significant characters. Nobody bloody cares about them for them to have any reason to be given in-depth characterization that’s afforded Angel, Spike, Druscilla and Darla. The reason why these characters are the characters we constantly debate about is because they’re the only version of vampire we actually give a shit about. If we spent more time with other vampires, we’d notice the very same in them as we do the Fanged Four. But as far as I see it, the only vampire excluded from the true vampire lore and is the immediate outlier…. Is Angel. We should not base our debates of the vampire lore on his situation because his situation is a rarity in that he is the only VAMPIRE that has a split personality disorder. That is literally thought of and treated as TWO ENTITIES in one body. As the Two Ships of Theseus. The only others that are are not vampires. So your true comparison to Angel/Angelus is Ben/Glory. Every other vampire remains much the same. Their human psyche is intact. It hasn’t separated from their body despite missing their soul. It is only external influence and condition that changes them which is very much how it also works with animals.

The OG vampire lore doesn’t work within the storytelling framework of any other vampire but no-name ones because the only form of “possession” that occurs for a major significant vampire character with which to tell a story with is with Angel. Angelus being cursed with a soul is the possession. Angel is not who/what is being possessed. Angelus is. Angel’s true nature is to be evil, not to be good. But regardless of that… if ALL vampires in the Buffyverse were a possession, that would mean that a vampire retains it’s human psyche while a demon with amnesia comes in and relearns and conditions itself as that human psyche and that would be the “vampire”. Which would make it less of a possession that is happening and more of cloning. A recreating of what the vampire was as the human. That makes no sense!

The simplistic approach is that a vampire is a person that died that suddenly now has selfish and chaotic impulses because it is an animalistic creature not really all that dissimilar to a werewolf. And… done.

[catmaidetho]

a stranger's cat

1186 words. from my danger days au.

“MEEEEOOOOOOWW!”

You groan, throwing your hands over your ears.

“MROWW!”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” 

You sit up, and glance over to where Cleo is somehow still sleeping soundly. You envy her ability to pass out anywhere, any time. The gas station tile is cool beneath you, but unfortunately it’s not comfortable. If it wasn’t high noon, you would have preferred to nap in the truck, but you don’t like cooking alive.

“AWROOOM!”

You also would have probably slept better if there wasn’t a cat yowling for its life outside.

You grumble to yourself and walk over to the door, staring at the little thing as its claws scrape along the glass, leaving lines in its wake and creating a noise that almost rivals the damn things’ incessant crying. The cat’s mostly black, with white on its chest and toes, and a torn red bandana tied around its neck.

The moment it sees you, it unhinges its jaw and lets loose the most painful wail yet.

“I get it, I see you, stop yowling,” you snap.

You barely open the door, and the cat immediately bolts in and butts its head into your legs, its tune changing from the cries of the damned to the loudest purr you’ve ever heard.

“Oh. Hi little guy.”

It mewls and nips at your boot laces.

“Do you, uh, need something?”

It meows and walks back towards the door, scratching up the door frame.

“But—but I just let you in?”

It walks back to you, little green eyes staring up at you and into your soul, and yowls again.

“Hey, Cleo?” you call back.

She groans. “What on earth are you doing, Bdubs?”

“I found a cat.”

The store is silent. Then, Cleo’s footsteps drag across the tile as she makes her way over to you.

“A cat?” she asks.

It meows.

“Yeah.”

She stops beside you, staring down at it. “...And? Does it want something?”

It meows again, much louder, and turns to scratch at the door again.

“I, uh, I think it wants me to follow it.”

She snorts. “Really?”

It wails, giving the door one long scrape with its claws that hurts your ears. You don’t consider yourself an expert on cats, but that seems pretty damning evidence that the cat has somewhere to be. You walk over and push the door back open, and the cat struts out a few paces, before turning back to look at you.

“Mrow?”

Cleo sighs. “Can’t it wait? It’s too hot out right now.”

“WAAAOOW!”

“Jesus! Okay, I guess it can’t.”

The cat lifts its head with a satisfied little mrrp as you both step out of the store, following it as it struts across the sand towards a smudge in the distance. It keeps glancing back at you with its startlingly green eyes, as if checking that you’re still following.

Cleo groans. “Why are we doing this?”

You shrug. “It wouldn’t let me sleep.”

She sighs. “Oh of course that’s why!”

The cat suddenly bolts forward towards a scraggly, knotty tree, and yowls something that could pass for a human crying in pain.

Wait.

“Holy shit,” you blurt, bolting after the cat. “Cleo, get over here, there’s a guy here!”

The cat yowls again, pawing at the shoulder of a scrawny, sickly pale person half-slumped over and leaning against the tree. They’ve got short, stark white hair that’s half held back by a red bandana tied around their forehead. You could swear you’ve seen this person before.

You kneel in front of them and press two fingers to their neck.

“They’re alive!” you yell back, and you glance behind you to see Cleo has barely moved an inch.

“Bdubs,” she starts, cold and sharp, “I think that’s one of King Dog’s guys.”

Your heart sinks. Oh. “B-But… Cleo, we can’t just leave someone to die because they might—”

Cleo stomps over and drags you back by your collar. “Nope. We don’t fuck with the Dog or his goons. We don’t even chance it.”

Your eyes are stuck on the cat. It’s propped itself up on the stranger’s lap with its front paws on their chest, and is repeatedly bumping its head into their face, quietly mewling. You don’t believe much in the Witch, but this cat has got to be one of her messengers. 

“It’s not the guy’s time,” you blurt. “Please, Cleo, just—we can’t just let ‘em die in the sun.”

“And when the Dog’s army comes to beat us and steal everything we own?” she snaps, “What then, Bdubs?”

The cat yowls, and you glance down to see it bumping its head into Cleo’s legs.

She looks down. “Hi kitty,” she sighs, kneeling down. She offers it her hand to sniff, only for it to bolt back to the person it lead you to. “No, we can’t—”

“WAAAAAWR!”

You blink down at it, and it yowls again. You walk back over to the person, kneeling in front of them again. 

“Dog goon or not, they’re just somebody out here tryna survive like the rest of us,” you say, “The least we can do is get ‘em some water.”

Cleo sighs. “If this bites us in the ass, I’ll kill you both,” she blurts.

Cleo walks over and easily scoops the person into her arms. “Jesus, this fucker’s lanky,” she mumbles, readjusting her grip. “Alright, let’s go.”

The cat jumps up onto your shoulders, and the entire walk back, it doesn’t stop purring.

You wish you could give the person a bed or something to lay on, but the truck’s still too hot, so the gas station floor it is. As soon as Cleo laid them down, the cat jumped down to curl up by their face.

You both have no choice but to sit and keep watch. You alternate between scanning the shelves for anything you missed on your first assessment of this place and watching over the stranger. You’re trying desperately to remember where you saw them—obviously, they’re one of the Dog’s guys, but the Dog’s had a lot of guys and done a lot of things. You don’t think this is his Ripper, he doesn’t leave the Dog’s side. But then… who would the Dog just dump on the side of the road?

The person suddenly coughs, startling you out of your thoughts. 

“H—” They start, only to break down into more coughing. They sit up and spit yellowish bile onto the tile.

“Hey! Hey, no doin’ that!” you blurt, leaning down and grabbing their shoulders to help them sit up. “Don’t you go vomitting up blood or whatever all over yourself, ‘cause we ain’t got spare clothes for you.”

The stranger blinks, trying to scramble away from you but butting up against the wall. Their cat mewls and crawls into their lap, and they look down at it. Their brows draw together, and they cautiously scratch its head, before looking back up at you.

“Who… are… you…?” they rasp, slow and crackly and broken.

You beam. “B-Double-O, your savior. You got a name, sunshine?”

They tilt their head. “E—” They lean away to cough. “Etho.”

[hannysarang]

Control // Eighteen.

Summary: Draco hasn't been able to enjoy sex and a little birdie tells him Hermione likes to take control. Is he willing to give it up? Can Draco Malfoy give up control?

Chapter 18 ————————

Fifteen minutes took forever to pass. And who knows? It may have been more since Draco had no way of checking, tied up on Hermione’s bed. 

But she eventually did return and he could almost feel his body shake from nervousness. 

Draco listened as the door opened and Hermione walked a few steps in and stopped. She stayed there, unmoving for a few minutes. 

The sound of her footsteps returned, slowly walking around her flat. He listened as she clinked the dishes and closed the window after setting down whatever she had brought home from work. 

Hopefully not another wizard.

He felt a bead of sweat slide down his chest as he tried his best to not call out to her and ask her to untie him. If these ropes don’t come undone anytime soon, he might be screaming his safe word. 

But this was for her. This was for him. This was for them. 

Apparently, the bedroom was the last place Hermione would check for intruders in her home because she first walked around the living room and then checked the other rooms before slowly walking into the room he was in.

“Draco?” she almost whispered once their eyes met. “What…”

Her voice faded as her eyes skimmed over his body, taking in the whole scene. 

He seriously hoped his eyes didn’t look as wild as his brain felt but also couldn’t get a word out. 

“Oh my God,” she said to herself before rushing over to her bed, to him. “Who did this? Let’s get you out of these right now.”

Hermione reached out, her hands accidentally brushing against his sides, causing him to look up at the ceiling with closed eyes. Just the slight touch gave him more relief than the words he had been chanting in his head for the past half hour.

“No,” he finally croaked out, his voice hoarse. “Stop.”

“What?” she asked, pulling away and looking at him with a confused expression. “I know you’re not enjoying this, Draco. You don’t look well.”

Well, shit. He had done this to appeal to Hermione; it was despairing that he had no appeal.

“I did this for you,” he whispered, just loud enough for her to hear although there was no one else in the room but the two of them.

“Oh, Draco,” she cried out, her arms wrapping around him. 

The warmth from her body made him relax, making the ropes feel much better by the second. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologised, leaning his chin on the crook of her neck. “Please forgive me.”

Unmoving, she held him tight.

“I promise I won’t do anything behind your back ever again. I promise to never hide things from you, ever.” He felt like he could cry. “It wasn’t my place to punish those Snatchers, especially when you weren’t the one who had told me about what had happened.”

The fact that Hermione wasn’t saying anything made him feel unsure. Should he stop talking?

“But I can’t lie to you and say I wouldn’t do it again if I was put in the same situation,” he admitted, his mouth babbling on despite the voices in his head, unable to keep shut from the anxiety he was feeling. “I will make it a personal mission to punish any and every soul that hurts you. If anyone lays a hand on you that you do not approve of, I don’t know what I might do to them.”

Hermione remained silent with her arms still solidly wrapped around him. He regretted tying his hands back, wanting to hug her tight as well. 

“Just… please don’t leave me. I can’t live without you,” he begged. “I can’t breathe without you.”

Slowly, Hermione pulled away from him with an unreadable face. 

“Draco.”

“I’ll do anything and everything you ask of me. Just please don’t give up on me. Please stay.”

“Draco,” she repeated, lightly pulling away from him. 

“I’ll stay here, locked up in your room if that’s what you want. I’ll never leave the Manor again if that’s what you want. I’ll report to you whenever I go anywhere if that’s what you want.”

“Draco.”

As he desperately peered into her warm eyes, he continued. “Use me however you need — use me as your personal toy, use me as your slave. If you need, use me as your weapon. I will be anything you want, do anything you need. So please-“

By crashing her lips onto his, Hermione finally cut him off. Despite the train wreck of thoughts spiralling in his head, his eyes practically rolled back at both the feeling of her soft warm lips on his and the relief that she was here, she was now.

Continue Chapter 18 on ao3

Start from the beginning

[joshriku]

thank you @x-populuxe for the tag!

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written fewer than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway.

i'm not sure who to tag so if you see this and you're like ohh god i wish i had an excuse to talk about my writing i'm tagging YOU specifically pls do it i love reading fics

there's diversity here i feel. but not that much

the reports of my death are greatly exaggerated (akeshu)

“Hey,” Ren nudges him with his elbow, making Goro look up from his coffee. “It’s the anniversary of your disappearance.”

Sleepily, Goro turns his head to Ren’s phone. He watches him as he blinks, trying to read the bright headline while he’s still trying to wake up. “So it is.”

2. curiosity (quicksilver/human torch) (don't ask) (or actually ask)

No fucking way.

Johnny could play dumb. He could turn away and walk the other way, because Pietro is clearly dressed to not be recognized. It’s pretty obvious because Johnny is dressed the same way. Big hoodie, sunglasses, cap over sunglasses. Sometimes you just want to buy a fucking burger.

“Act natural,” he says as he comes to stand behind him in the queue. Which, okay, alright, maybe not his most normal move ever! Sue him. “Funny seeing you here.”

3. a petty thing (hosea/dutch)

What makes him such an easy target is the way he carries himself.

They are always the easy ones, too—men who believe they are better than anyone else. Confident men in America almost, but not always, spell trouble. Hosea knows his kind better than everyone else, which is why, perhaps, he’s the one suited to attend Dutch van der Linde.

This one is going to be an open-and-shut case.

4. incredibly small problems in such an impossibly big world (wanda & lorna)

“When did you learn how to drive?” Wanda asks her, but it’s probably a question she immediately regrets—she winces on the passenger seat. “Wait, that’s a dumb question. It’s a metal vehicle.”

Lorna gives her a thumbs-up. “Bingo. It’s not really learning, more like feeling it and willing it to move as I want. Neat trick, right?”

She smiles, leaning into the seat further. “I’m jealous. I wouldn’t be half as terrified of driving if I was so sure I’d never crash it.”

“Can’t you just…” Lorna wiggles her fingers, “warp reality and make it so you can drive?”

Wanda arches an eyebrow. 

“Do you believe I would bend the rules of reality so I could skip driving lessons?”

“Shit, maybe it’s a good thing you’re the one with those powers,” Lorna says. “I would.”

5. a scandal in bohemia (raven/irene)

“And Irene Adler?”

“Threatens to send them the photograph. And she will do it. I know that she will do it. You do not know her, but she has a soul of steel. She has the face of the most beautiful of women, and the mind of the most resolute of men. Rather than I should marry another woman, there are no lengths to which she would not go—none.”

In order to not slip-up, Raven rests her head against her hand, if only to look interested in everything this man was saying about Irene. You do not know her, but she has a soul of steel. That, she did. 

6. patterns of loss (joel & ellie) (1.2k)

There’s not much he can do. 

The urgency to leap after Ellie drains out of his body as soon as Henry’s body hits the floor. Ellie’s sobs are present, filling the air, as Joel takes a look around the room—hyper-vigilance not wearing off just yet. His heartbeat is loud in his ears—but perhaps Ellie crying is even louder. Okay, he can work with that. He stands up straighter again, trying to gear himself for what’s coming next.

There’s not much he can do to comfort Ellie.

He’s more of a practical person, as it is. He extends his hand to her, trying to get her up. 

“C’mon,” he says, saving the inner relief when she does take his hand. “Let’s get you out of here.”

“You’re not—” Briefly, Ellie’s eyes flash with betrayal. “You’re—you’re not leaving them here, are you?”

7. kind (hosea & arthur) (2.1k)

“What are you thinking about?”

It’s not hard to guess. Hosea has been aware of Dutch’s gaze for a while now, almost as if they are caught on a staring loop: he’s looking at Arthur, and Dutch is looking at Hosea while he does that.

“You know,” he says. Dutch does know. They’ve had this conversation from the moment they took in Arthur, and Hosea isn’t fond of repeating himself. Not to Dutch.

8. melt your headaches, call it home (cherik) (20.3k) (oops.)

“Dad,” Pietro starts in that tone of voice. 

Erik loves his children. He does. He has grown to love them more than anything in this life. Unfortunately, this means he knows them better than he knows himself. One could never finish knowing their children, but he’d wager he has such an understanding of his twins that he can categorize every single tone of voice they have. 

This one—the little emphasis on the only vocal, the way he can tell Pietro already knows what he wants from this conversation before he even begins to breach the topic… yes, well, certainly not his favorite one from him. 

“Son,” Erik answers. Hopefully Pietro doesn't beat around the bush. 

“Do you, perhaps, by any chance… happen to know Charles Xavier?” 

9. a winding road (david & erik) (3.2k)

David has a list of things he wants to talk about. 

Um, did you mean what you said? About being proud of me? 

You know my dad. Has he always been an arrogant dick? 

You know my dad. Is there any chance he’ll ever change?

Unfortunately, there seems to not be any way to dive into this without looking weird. Not that he cares about looking weird, but there’s probably a subtler, nicer way to begin this conversation. Who the hell opens up with “Hey, can I fix my daddy issues or not?” Fucking hell. Magneto wouldn’t mind, probably, but it still rubs David the wrong way.

10. a heart's genuine apology (terumob) (1k)

Teru blinks back into consciousness when he feels a pair of hands shaking him awake.

“Hanazawa-kun,” the voice is saying, gently, trying to not hurt him. “Hanazawa-kun, wake up, please…”

Is that… Kageyama-kun? Teru suddenly blinks awake harder, much to Kageyama’s relief. Behind him, his master also looks equally relieved, although—oh, they both look so rough. Teru tilts his head. 

wow! THATS A LOT ! god has cursed me for my hubris and my work is never finished

[uzumaki-rebellion]

“Black Boys Bloom Thorns First: Volume 4, Chapter 31″

Need to catch up? Of course you do! So much has happened since “Wet Sugar” and all those other Pantherverse stories. Masterlist HERE.

"If you stand for peace on earth Not some superficial gladness Speak out against the madness Take the hand of a detached soul Walk with him and feel his hunger Help put his pain asunder I know we can answer the need Stop the war, turn up the music Each voice can sing harmony Won't you try and just listen Hear what you've been missin' You will find that love's a much better groove"

Young Disciples – "Get Yourself Together"

Erik typed some code into a floating screen, then wiped his dry, itchy eyes. Reaching into a side drawer, he pulled out eye drops and used them liberally to soothe the irritation and onset blurriness.

"I can finish up if you want to sleep," Shuri said.

She watched him from the other side of the workstation where she inputted data with painstaking care. He stretched his neck and glanced over to his left. Nick Fury curled himself into a ball on a massage chair that Shuri often used for her tense muscles from late night work. The chair could fold all the way back into a fully automated massage table that used hydromassage if the body was worn out. Erik told the man to go to bed, but Fury wanted to be around for every stage of development. Thankfully, Rogers left hours earlier once he saw the boring parts of their work. Typing, thinking out loud, and comparing notes wasn't as exciting as smashing up bodies and buildings to the great Captain America. Shuri and Erik were in the zone. The final tests for the SP-1 would happen in a few days, and then the drones would be sent to the coordinates Fury gave them that still emitted gamma radiation from where the tesseract was used to open a wormhole years ago when Thor first came on the scene and before the little blue box was sent away from earth.

"I can do another half," he said, rubbing his eyes.

"Go to bed," Shuri said.

Shuri put down her screen pen and turned off the computer images of data that floated in front of her.

"We have a busy and long day tomorrow. You can't face the people with bags under your eyes," she said.

He nodded and pulled away from his standing chair.

Fury woke up then, stretched, and stood up from the massage chair.

"Done for the night?" Fury said.

Erik nodded and threw on a jacket.

"Big day tomorrow," Fury said.

"Yeah," Erik mumbled.

"Is there somewhere you and I can have a nightcap? Talk shop in private?"

Erik glanced at Shuri, and she turned away from them.

"I know a place," he said.

Fury wandered around Erik's suite as the prince made them drinks from his personal bar. Wakandan whiskey with lime juice. Strong and bitter. Handing a tumbler to Fury, Erik led him to his balcony for fresh air.

"Things will be different for you once the world knows you exist," Fury said.

"I'm ready for it."

"Are you?"

"As ready as I can be."

"From what T'Challa told me, this country still hasn't healed from your civil war."

"Hopefully, being back will help," Erik said.

"Hopefully."

Erik sized up Fury.

"What are you not telling me with that look?" Erik said.

"I have a confession to make."

Fury took a heartier swallow of whiskey. Erik braced himself for more fuckery to compound all the other issues he had to deal with.

"I lied to you and T'Challa about still being the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D."

Erik put down his tumbler on the balcony table.

"I've been hiding out and working in secret. I lied about S.H.I.E.L.D. so I could get here and pressure T'Challa to help us. HYDRA infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. I help run the Avengers compound with Stark money."

Erik rolled his eyes.

"Shit always goes back to Stark in some way when it comes to more problems."

"You know him?"

"Believe it or not, I used to be an intern for him before I left for M.I.T. That man has been on my nutsack since I was eighteen. I know all about that dude."

"I detect a strong disdain in your tone."

"Fact."

Erik picked up his tumbler again.

"Why lie to T'Challa?"

"Without a connection to a U.S. agency, he might've ignored my request for help. Everything else I've told you all is facts. S.H.I.E.L.D. can't be trusted anymore. I installed the new director myself to rebuild the organization. But I still don't trust it. I lay in the cut and do my work in the shadows with the Avengers. T'Challa is now the global leader that the world looks to out of fear. You know how it is. The enemy of my enemy—"

"Is not your friend."

Erik finished his drink.

"Just so you know, I'll be king again in the future. I don't make new friends and I don't need them."

Fury stared at Erik with lifted brows and parted lips. He tilted his head in confusion.

"You'll be king again. After what you did?"

"Some changes are coming down the pipeline. When I take control, the world won't be the same."

"Back to your outright killer ways then?"

"Nah. Restitution. Reparations. Realignment. The violence will only come when the world tries to challenge me. As my son would say, you test me... I teach you a lesson."

Fury touched his forehead and cradled his glass in his hand with nervous agitation.

"Don't worry. I'll still handle this alien shit. But best believe, they can catch hands too if they get out of pocket. If they're still alive."

Erik stood up and leaned against his balcony guardrail. The whiskey had him talking like his old self. Something stirred in his chest. A cool sensation tingled his scalp, and he closed his eyes, embracing the energy. Ogum was with him. Still.

"Good luck tomorrow," Fury said.

Erik walked him toward the door. The man staggered a bit.

"You can stay in my guest room," Erik said.

The last thing he needed was a drunk fraud stumbling through the palace back to the Talon port. He opened his front door and informed his night guard, Xira, that Fury was staying the night because he was too inebriated to walk.

"I can get back to my villa fine," Fury said.

"Go to sleep, old man," Erik said, pointing to the guest room.

Fury waved a hand and strolled into the room, closing the door behind him. Erik went back to the balcony and looked out over the slumbering city. He tapped his kimoyo and considered his speech for the revelation of his survival.

Erik waited patiently behind a floating wall that separated him from the outside balcony where Yani, Disa, and their children waited for him with T'Challa, Ramonda, and Shuri. Umama and Baba Z each held one of his hands as they stood beside him.

"Breathe easy, grandson. We are with you," Baba Z said.

Erik wore emerald green robes that matched his grandparents. T'Challa would speak from a prepared statement, and the elders would present him to the world. He concentrated on relaxing his shoulder muscles and the clenching of his jaw, but the crowd outside sounded wary and apprehensive. They used the balcony with the amphitheater seating for serious events within the Udaku household. Wakandan citizenry only expected serious announcements from there. Embedded in the floating wall were two viewscreens. He watched T'Challa's POV and also the crowd's POV. His cousin looked across the ocean of Black faces.

"I stand here before you as your king and protector of our great nation…" T'Challa began.

Umama nuzzled her nose into the side of Erik's cheek. She was dressed in an elaborate puffy black silk coat that had a train that trailed four feet behind her. Instead of the isicholo, she sported the round purple halo crown of the head, Queen Mother. Baba Z sported a similar coat that was less puffy and with a gray sash across his chest that denoted his King Father status. His elder locs were braided around panther claws that stood above his forehead like a regal crown.

"It is my duty as the ruler to bring forth the news of Prince Erik N'Jadaka Udaku—"

"Baba! Come out!" Riki shouted.

There was a gasp from the audience and T'Challa's face couldn't recover from the shock of being interrupted by Erik's son and his impatience. Yani placed a hand over Riki's mouth and the boy wiggled from her grasp.

"Baba!" Riki yelled again.

T'Challa quickly spoke over the child.

"Prince N'Jadaka has been revived from a mortal wound. I hid this from the nation because I did not have the ability to heal him until my sister, Princess Shuri, could perfect a technique to stabilize his functions. I know this news is quite a shock, and our family has been working behind the scenes to make sure my cousin has the best mental and physical care. Many of you will have questions about what this means for the future of the monarchy, considering I am the protector of his children. I will let the prince address this issue. I bring to you, my beloved nation, Prince Erik N'Jadaka Udaku. Son of Prince N'Jobu. Son of Lady Califia. Grandson of Queen Mother Niyilolawa and King Father Azzuri."

T'Challa stood back from the dais podium, and Erik's grandparents guided him out into the light of a piercing sun. Once more, the audible reaction of the Wakandans could not be contained. Not just for Erik's living presence, but also for the first public appearance of Umama and Baba Z in over two decades.

Erik looked toward Yani and Disa first, after he stepped to the podium. They both wore the same emerald green colors as him, with matching dresses that flowed out around them. Their isicholos were pale lavender with an embroidered texture that matched the detailing of Umama's halo crown. The family linked the women with his grandmother, a subtle message of unity. His children all wore long tunics in seafoam shades of green. Riki's sandy hair was fashioned into soft two-strand twists with panther claws woven in a few to match Baba Z, while the girls had miniature halo crowns linking them to Umama.

He knew Yani and Disa were nervous, but they were proud of him, too. They both stared at him with warm expressions. Ogum stirred in his chest and head again. First impressions were everything, and how he would address the nation would determine how he would be received. A floating teleprompter brought up his prepared statement. He cleared his throat. Ignored the statement.

"There are no proper words to tell you all how I feel today. For some of you, I am the son of a traitor. For others, the hope of justice for what Ulysses Klaue did to you without my father's knowledge. I am the son of a Prince from this nation. But I am also the son of the diaspora. The lost tribe. The disappeared ones. The forgotten children who were stolen from the motherland and made to toil as slaves to fatten the pockets of Europeans and some Arabs all over the world. Look at me. Wakandan blood runs through my veins. I was your king once, three long years ago. Despite what they may have said about me in my absence, please believe I wanted the best for my people all over the world. I was raised by parents who believed in justice, fairness, and liberation. My grandmother, Umama, tells me I have the personality of my greatest grandmothers, Queen Shuriyah and Queen Tiye. Warrior women. Wise women. Women who led this nation and protected it. They have a grandson from out there who stands before you today, humbled to be part of that bloodline—"

A few cheers erupted from the crowd with a smattering of handclaps and ululations.

"I am Prince N'Jadaka. The one who brings thunder. I am the horse of Ogum, he who is of iron and the earth. I carry his sword of justice for whoever needs it from my people out there…"

Erik pointed toward the west and the buzzing from the crowd grew boisterous as his words floated over them loud and clear.

" — and for the people here. My family was torn asunder, but now we will reconcile and lead this nation with openness. Do not think I wanted to destroy you when I took the throne, which was my birthright to do so. I wanted to harness your power to free your diasporic cousins you have denied yourself from knowing. Look at my children. My family tells me you love them… adore them. They have been a healing balm for you in the fading darkness. I want it to be known that there are some of you out there who want them gone. Want their mothers gone…"

A low rumble went through the sea of faces.

"Let me say this to you now. Anyone who tries to lay a hand on my children or even breathe wrong in front of their mothers will feel the wrath of Ogum and my ancestors you revere. I will put you out of this world—"

"N'Jadaka!" T'Challa hissed under his breath.

Baba Z shook a sage head to silence the king.

"He will speak his truth!" Baba Z shouted to the people.

"Any of you who want smoke with me would be foolish to test my sincerity."

Umama stepped closer.

"You will suffer my wrath too," Umama said.

She stroked T'Challa's arm, but nodded for Erik to continue.

"It is a time of healing. It is a time for the Udaku family to bond. I want better for all of us. Even my detractors and haters. My Baba…"

Erik curled his tongue in his mouth to keep from crying.

"My Baba always wanted to bring me here. He told me he came from a beautiful nation full of beautiful people. He also believed that you had the tools to free the rest of our people. Believe it or not, the lost tribe are your people, too. They need your power. Your wisdom. Your spirit. You are unbought and unbossed. You have been free and prospered for thousands of years. I would ask that you allow me to share that brilliance, as I represent you from now on. I am a changed man, but still a warrior, so don't get it twisted thinking I've gone soft on my intentions to alter the world. But I have a new family. Grandparents who have years of catching up to do with me. I have to do the same with my own children. I ask that you give us space to rebuild a stained legacy. Right wrongs within this family first is my priority. King T'Challa and I will do a special live broadcast with WBC in two days. We will lay out more fully what will transpire in the coming months. I want to publicly thank my cousin, Princess Shuri, for saving my life. I want to also thank my cousin King T'Challa for taking care of my children and making sure the mothers of my children were provided for and looked after in my absence. Thank you to Lady Abdullah and Lady Galiber for holding it down. Umama, Baba Z, thank you both for holding me in your hearts and standing with me. Queen Ramonda, thank you for raising up my kids in the ways of your reserve and ferocity. I see who you really are now and I hope we can find common ground, Auntie. I am the son of this nation. Our nation. You are my people even if some you won't accept me. I'm not going anywhere. Prince N'Jadaka is alive and well. Wakanda Forever!"

The rallying cry zipped through the people like an electrical charge.

The explosion that rumbled their feet from the ground afterward shocked everyone. In the distance, Erik caught sight of smoke and more explosive debris coming from Mena Ngai, the great mound where vibranium was mined. The Dora Milaje surround the royal family with spears thrust forward. Another loud blast made people in the crowd scream. Erik sprang into action. He pushed his grandparents back inside the West Palace and dashed over to Yani and Disa. He picked up Joba and Riki while blocking Sydette from harm with his body.

"Inside, everyone!" T'Challa shouted.

The Dora Milaje activated a shield that swept all around the palace. Royal guards ran to help get people outside moving to safer places. T'Challa shouted into his kimoyo as his Black Panther suit shrouded him in protection.

"What is happening?! I want information now!" T'Challa shouted.

A palace shuttle stopped in front of them and the entire family climbed in, whisked away across the bridge, and ushered back into the East Palace. Alarms throughout the building frightened his babies. Joba and Riki clung to his neck. Sydette watched his face from a front seat on Yani's lap.

"It's the mines, Your Highness. Someone has detonated explosives—"

The palace shook. Another blast, near the interior of the city.

They moved quickly into an elevator and were escorted by the Doras to the highest floor of the palace, which acted as a panic room. They rushed Twyla from her quarters on the lower floor to join the group. Shuri helped Umama into the suite and she noticed the questioning look on Erik's face.

"This rooftop suite can convert into an aircraft and lift off from the structure if we need to take to the skies," Shuri said.

Erik felt better about being there. He hugged his kids and made Yani and Disa sit with his grandmother. Reinforced shields went up over the windows of the dual safe-house/aircraft. Shuri showed him where the craft would detach from the building and he went back to his children to help calm them. Not being in control of containing the situation drove him bonkers. T'Challa was on it, and it gave Erik a moment to process.

"Baba, what's happening?" Sydette asked.

Erik held her hand, then pointed to one of the wide windows.

"See, the stingers are out, there goes a battle cruiser…"

He pointed out the surge of military support heading toward the Great Mound. Joba clutched onto the fingers of his left hand.

"It'll be okay, baby girl," he reassured her.

Joba pressed her face into his side while Disa rubbed her back. Erik's body was running on pure military instinct. His daughter couldn't sense fear in him at all. Her small shoulders loosened up then.

Zinzi's image floated above T'Challa's wrist.

"Tell me what is happening, Zinzi!" T'Challa said.

The king stormed over to an alcove, and Erik joined him.

"Sabotage, King T'Challa. We have several hundred miners wounded. They were on lunch break. Whoever did this purposely triggered their explosions, making sure our workers were not in the bowels of the mountain when they blew up their targets."

"Any lives lost?"

"None that are accounted for. We have taken a preliminary head count with our body sensors. We identified no one as missing. There is substantial damage done to equipment and several of our processing plants. They aimed to stop production and I am afraid they have succeeded. It will take us some time to assess the total damage. There will be no vibranium mining for at least a month or more," Zinzi said.

"Keep me posted. General Okoye and the military heads are on their way. We had another explosion closer to the city."

A royal guard popped up on T'Challa's wrist next to Zinzi's floating image.

"King T'Challa, several lines on the monorail system have been destroyed. It has brought traffic to a halt because of structural damage to the outdoor rails. We are helping injured individuals get to nearby hospitals. No fatalities reported yet. At least seventy people wounded with fractures, broken legs, and internal injuries…"

"A coordinated attack," Erik said.

He moved with T'Challa to a further corner of the room, away from the women and children. Ayo stood with them along with Noxolo and six other Doras.

"Looks that way," T'Challa agreed.

"They chose the least busy time of day when most Wakandans are on siesta. Miners eating food outside of the mound. Few people ride the public transit at this time. The goal wasn't to kill, but to send a message," Erik said.

"But a message about what?"

"I'm back, and some punk bitches don't like it."

"But no one knew you were back except W'Kabi, and he wants justice for himself through the courts. He wouldn't do this knowing it would hurt his chances of being reinstated. The rebels are on your side," T'Challa said.

"Then it's got to be people who are against you. Making a statement to warn your ass about something that has nothing to do with me."

T'Challa's face mask swept over his face.

"You are safe here. Stay in this space until you hear from me. I'm going to check on the mines," T'Challa said.

He left the suite with Ayo. Shuri rubbed her forehead.

"We still have work to do on the probe. This is just awful. Lockdown will mess up our target date if this bombing continues terrorizing our people," Shuri said.

"All I care about right now is them," Erik said, nodding towards their grandparents and his family.

Shri nodded.

"You too, cuz," Erik said, touching Shuri's chin.

Shuri glanced around, then reached into a side satchel she had draped around her chest. She pulled out a golden claw necklace. Erik grinned.

"Drastic times call for extra backup, Golden Jaguar," Shuri said.

She handed Erik his necklace, and he slipped it over his head.

"Baba," Joba said.

His daughter ran over to him with Riki in hand. Sydette wandered over behind them and they admired his flashy necklace. He got down on one knee so they could see it up close.

"Pretty!" Sydette said.

"This is going to help Baba protect you," he said.

"Uncle T'Challa protects us with his suit!" Riki said.

Erik rolled his eyes in a playful gesture.

"Unc got game, but Baba does it best. Wanna see?" he said.

Talking to him relaxed his children's nerves even more. They watched him with sparkly eyes full of curiosity during the madness. He stood up and simply thought of kicking ass, which activated his suit. It swept over him so fast that his kids squealed with delight. Yani and Disa ran over to gaze at him in full jaguar mode.

"Daddy got it goin' on too," he said to his children, but the message was for the women.

He turned to Noxolo and Shuri's Dora, Kidada.

"I want to check the perimeter of the entire outside floor," Erik said.

His personal Dora followed him out of the safety suite. When he glanced back, his children, and their mothers, stared at him with admiration. That made his chest swell with pride. He meant what he said to the Wakandan people on the balcony in the West palace. Fuck with his family, and he was fucking with the world.

Shuri rushed out to him.

"N'Jadaka! I'm getting a breach warning in my lab," she said.

Her eyes widened as she glanced down at her kimoyo.

"Fury is there. His signature is on the premises."

"Can we take the Scorpion Fighter?" Erik asked.

"We have to leave it here in case the family needs it for extra protection during a lift-off. We can grab a quad stinger from the internal port."

"Let's go!"

They ran with Noxolo and Kidada. Rapid deployment of protection stingers flew out of the West palace by the time they reached a free quad stinger. Noxolo flew them away from the protective shields, and they ascended quickly above the city in seconds. Smoke blackened the skies as they surveyed the damage down below.

"Shuri?!"

Fury's voice crackled with confusion through Shuri's beads.

"What are you doing at the lab?" Shuri asked.

"I wanted to catch up on the work you did last night when I fell asleep. Figure you didn't mind since I have access and you all were busy with N'Jadaka's homecoming. What the fuck is going on? Your news is going crazy—"

"Fuck!" Erik said.

A chunk of Bashenga Mountain imploded on the north-facing side. Pitch black smoke belched from the cliff opening.

"Fury!" Shuri screamed into her beads.

Noxolo swung them around and dropped the stinger fast onto the south-facing ledge of the cliff. Popping the top open, Kidada and Shuri hopped out of the quad stinger.

"Fury, can you hear me?" Shuri shouted at her wrist.

"I'm going to need some help, Princess," Fury panted over the beads.

An image finally popped above her wrist. Lab shelving that fell during the blast trapped Fury. Erik stepped a leg out of the stinger when another stinger zipped past them from the opening in the mountain.

"Go help Fury! Noxolo, follow that stinger. That's gotta be someone involved with these attacks!"

Erik secured himself back in the quad stinger and Noxolo shut the top and took off after the other aircraft. The other pilot tried to lose them, but his Dora was a peregrine falcon on its ass. Moving faster than fighter-jet speed, they dipped and avoided terrain as their enemy led them further away from the mountain and toward a less populated part of Wakanda.

Noxolo did her best trick moves to catch the culprit.

"These mofos do not want to be caught… oh shit!"

Power-diving at a steep angle, Erik's stomach left him miles behind.

"I can overtake them over that lake since I have more juice in this stinger, Prince N'Jadaka!" Noxolo shouted.

"Do what you gotta do!"

"Whoa!" Noxolo yelled.

The enemy stinger in front of them took a steep nose dive and crashed into the side of a canyon wall. It exploded into an orange ball of flames on impact. Noxolo swooped around with the quad stinger.

"They did that on purpose!" Noxolo said.

"Take us back and notify the military to get out here and collect what they can salvage from the wreckage."

"Yes, Sir."

They flew back to Bashenga Mountain in time to see Fury given oxygen as Shuri tended to his superficial wounds with a first aid kit. When he saw Erik, he grinned.

"Never a dull moment in Wakanda," Fury joked.

He coughed, and Shuri made him comfortable. The lab was in disarray, with some smoke damage, shifted and fallen equipment, along with shaken lab techs. He ran to check on the probes. They were still secure and undamaged.

"What a mess," Shuri said.

She glanced around her workspace and shook her head.

"We were lucky I installed protective shields and better security measures months ago. It's probably what protected this lab and the transportation stations in the heart of the mountain."

"Who did this?" Fury asked.

Shuri turned on her computer table viewscreen and swiped open a window that had a live news broadcast. T'Challa's face appeared on camera as he inspected the damaged mines and checked on injured workers.

"Whoever it is, they probably have a lot more in store for us," Erik said.

The three of them and Shuri's uninjured team stared at the viewscreen for answers.

Chapter 32 HERE.

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[the-fiction-witch]

Penguin 🐧 P1

MOVIE MAZE RUNNER AU COUPLE NEWT X READER RATING CUTE + FUNNY

I sighed as I woke up hearing my alarm blaring aggressively at me. I groaned and turned over slamming my hand on the buzzer to shut it up. I rubbed my eyes and groaned trying to bring myself to wake up. I sat up and groaned "I hate my life" I groaned 

"I hate your life too dude, I had your life of have already killed myself" I heard davi say at my door frame 

"Shut up davi" I told him as I climbed out of bed and headed into the bathroom. I had myself a very hot shower scrubbing up and down my body contemplating every excuse I could come up with in my mind to go back to bed but none of which made sense. 

I finished up and brushed my teeth going into my bedroom and starting to get dressed for the day slipping on a pair of fluffy penguin socks, my full brown shoes, my black pants, and white button down grabbing my black tie and starting to tie it in my mirror almost mindlessly from doing it everyday for so long. "today…. Today will… ugh. Today will be-"

"Trying those self affirming statements your therapist recommended?" I heard from my doorway

"Shut up davi!" I yelled back at him glaring at him as he stood in my doorway until he walked away and I sighed "today… uhhh will not be shit. I hope."

I grabbed my bag and went to the kitchen grabbing my lunch from the fridge that I packed last night getting a fresh apple to shove in my bag from the bowl on the counter 

"Have fun at work" davi said settling into the sofa in his robe 

"Are you going to apply for a job today?"

"Nah."

"You got any interviews today?"

"Nope."

"Any coming up?"

"I had that mail room job at right arm"

"Okay so when is that exactly?"

"Tomorrow, not going through"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't wanna become a hollow shell of a human being by giving myself willingly to the corporations" he says "I am the next great artist of our time I can't be confined to a cubicle selling my soul to the man."

"Why not? Then you can buy your own groceries" I sighed noticing my bread loaf was half eaten and I had yet to have a single slice so I grabbed one quick for my morning toast and jam 

"Why do you care about my interview?"

"Just wanna know when I might… be getting some of the rent you owe me"

"I'll get it to you man I got three more commission inquiry emails yesterday"

"Okay" I sighed I finished my toast and grabbed my jacket heading out locking the apartment behind me. 

I went over to the lift pressing the button but no sound, no lights nothing.

Great the lifts not working again. 

So I took the stairs down all nine floors! And noticed as soon as I got into the lobby that it's raining and I leant davi my umbrella three weeks ago and haven't seen it since so I sighed and turned my jacket collar up as I hurried thought the dark rainy streets my shoes soaked as I stepped thought puddles having to dance around the many other people will umbrellas a of which pushed skinny me into the utter without much of a second thought. I tried the whole way down the road to wave down a taxi but none stopped for me. I knew I was already off schedule as I headed down into the station and instantly noticed the line as only one turnstile is working grinding everything to a standstill once I got thought and onto the platform I started tapping my foot nervously watching the clock ticking over the damn train was late again. When it eventually arrived ten minutes off schedule I climbed in even if there was little space even for me I grabbed a handle and found myself squeezed between the wall and about seventeen other men all attempting to stand on the thirty centimeter square I had proclaimed as my own. Having to battle them like stags bumping atlers for my small square of space. Personal space wasn't even an optional with people breathing down my neck, some guys elbow on in my back, someone's else hand dangerously close to my butt! And a man so close I could read the small print on his newspaper. Once I got to my stop I happily jumped off and headed back up to the street having to hurry though the rain again before atlast ducking into the wckd lobby. I went over to the lift and pressed the button luckily it lit up and rang the little bell and only a few seconds later the doors opened so I wondered in letting them shut behind me as I clicked my floor fixed my jacket a little trying to resist the urge to turn around and go home already. The lift stopped and the door opened and instantly I smiled.

She stood there in her little red heels, black stockings, little black pencil skirt and red button down blouse, her usual locket around her neck, her hair and make up as perfect as always, a few files in her hands as she rushed in pressing for another floor and smiled a little and fixed some hair behind her ear 

"Good morning newt" she smiled

"Good morning y/n." I smiled back a little nervous fixing my hair and rubbing my neck unable to stop looking at her making her blush a little

"I like your penguins" she smiled

"Hum? Ohh yeah there cosy socks good for then it's rainy"

"I can imagine so" she nods

"Do uhhhh you like penguins?"

"Very much there very cute" she smiled "you poor things hasn't maintenance fixed the climate up there yet?"

"Nope" I sighed 

"I'll get someone up there end of business I promise" she smiled as the door opened "see you newt" she waves as she headed out onto her floor 

"Yeah ugh bye" I waves back as the doors shut "fuck. Do you like penguins? Seriously? Am I six!" I groaned at myself "stupid! Stupid!" I complained before we got to my floor so I got out and headed thought the office to my cubicle turning my pc on and hanging my coat in the chair 

"Morning newt"

"Morning min" I answered back as he shared my cube 

"Your late"

"I know. Train was bugged" I answered getting sorted with my paperwork and such 

"You see y/n in your way up?"

"How can you tell?"

"Awww has he got the sweet little honeyglow in his cheeks?" Thomas asked as he pocked his head over the cube 

"Shut up both of you."

"But did you?" Min asks as he plaid with his fidget cube thing

"I did. She said she will have a word with maintenance get the climate controls working up here again"

"She's a sweetie" Thomas smiles

"I know" I sighed getting up my work for the day to make myself look busy of anyone walks past even if the work could be done in five minutes and I had eight hours to do it in 

"You love her so much" thomas laughed

"I do."

"And what magical thing did you say to her today?" Thomas laughed

".... I said, do you like penguins?"

"Well that's certainly a pick up line I've not heard before" minho sighed 

"Do you think it could work?"

"Well I've said many a time it's not what you say, anything can be a pick up line so long as you say it with confidence." He says "but… do you like penguins. I mean. Not even I can work with that man. Kinda sounds like you wanna baby bird her"

"Uuuuuhhhh. I don't know what that is and I don't think I wanna know" I answered

"I'm googling it" Thomas said jumping down to use his computer

"No Thomas don't!" Minho warned him 

"Uughhh! That's disgusting!" He complained

"What is it?" I asked 

"You don't wanna know" minho said 

"Thomas tell me."

"She sucks your dick. Then you cum in her mouth and then you make out before she swallows it so you basically swallow your own cum!"

"That's what baby birding is!"

"That or when you jerk off in her face and she begs for it so she looks like a little bird begging for food"

".... You are a very sick little man minho"

"I've never done it! I just know it don't you two watch porn!" He argues

"No I have a girlfriend!" Thomas argues 

"Why would it even be considered me wanting to do that to y/n?"

"Penguins do the same as birds don't they, throw up fish for there young" he shrugs 

"No. I do not what to do that to anyone." I said returning to my work

"Morning isaac" I heard a familiar voice speak up so I turned faking a smile 

"Morning janson"

"Your late" he says as he leant on the cubicle wall with his coffee

"Train delay"

"This happens alot isaac maybe get an earlier train" he suggested

"Yes sir"

"You send me over those finance reports?"

"Yes sir. On Tuesday"

"I'll check my inbox…. Do your socks have penguins on them?"

"Yes sir. To keep my feet warm in the cold"

"I don't wanna see them again" he says before he headed off 

"Bloody Ratman" I rolled my eyes fiddling with my pen

"Go on then newt get your little penguins to work or he'll be back again" minho laughs 

"Yeah yeah" I sighed returning my attention to my computer purposely going slow when I saw I had an email in my inbox so I opened it up likely spam but I smiled 

'hey newt x I saw this and thought of you how cold is it up there?

X y/n"

Along with a little cartoon of a chilly penguin 

I smiled widely unable to stop blushing quickly responding getting into our chatting emails as we did everyday.

[musicbestserved]

Nothing quite prepares you for a jaw dropping experience. It’s unexpected. Sometimes a bit chaotic. And just a tiny drop of brain freeze. But in the end, it changes your life forever. I waited six months to attend the Sad Summer Festival with amazing headliners such as Mayday Parade, Neck Deep, and State Champs. But until recently, I didn’t know who Hot Mulligan were. The moment the lead singer slaughtered sound check with his vocals then walked off as if it were nothing, I knew we were in for one hell of a show! Now let’s back up. Hot Mulligan is a pop-punk band consisting of four members; Nathan Tades Sanville (lead singer), Chris Freeman (guitarist and vocalist), Ryan Malicsi (guitarist), Garrett Willig (bassist) and Brandon Blakeley (drummer). 

I discovered these guys three days prior to the festival. Within those days I found myself listening strictly to their songs on repeat. I connected to everyone of their songs. And let me just say this, when it comes to an opening, Nathan’s going to scream and I’m going to love every single second of it! By the time the festival came I had at least two and a half songs memorized. But that’s perfectly fine! I was excited for future me who’s going to dive head first into a rabbit whole that is this band and what they represent. I waited 5hrs pressed against a barricade to see them perform and though I don’t think I would want to endure that uncomfortable pain again. But for this band, I would just have to suck it up. 

Let’s just say their live performance is not an event you can walk away from unscathed. The band had an eccentric personality that was fun, playful, and made the venue feel like a bunch of friends kicking back listening to their cool friends play their music. Sure their song “Featuring Mark Hoppus” (currently my favorite song) brought up some memories but sounded too good for me to lose my shit to. But standing against the barricade listening to the song live - my heart actually broke. Shattered if you will. It was like the heartbreak I once experience in my adolescence finally dawn on me. Made me realize I wasn’t healed - I was far from it. And though I wanted to run away from the beaming lights that felt as though they were casting judgment on me. I noticed the crowd pouring their hearts out singing along to every note and I noticed the band putting their very soul into it. And in that moment, in that room surrounded by hundreds of people, I stopped head banging and stood still. 

It was the first time in my life I didn’t have to explain myself and I didn’t feel alone. That’s not even the most amazing part of the night. I did a bit of research before seeing this band live by watching videos of their past performances. BCKYRD is one of their most notably known songs and honestly has became a top favorite of mine. One thing I noticed is at the end of the song they go acapella in which the crowd sing along. I loved it! Thought it was absolutely adorable! Until I experience the moment for myself. It felt exhilarating! Like rain was pouring down all around us and by the end of the night we’d all said fuck it to everything life had thrown our way. Watching those recorded performances cannot remotely come close to the actual experience. I’ve come to realize that Hot Mulligan is a band you have to experience for yourself. I can’t just give you a song I might think you’ll like. Hot Mulligan are lyrical geniuses. 

I can give you 10 reasons. 20 reasons. 30 and so on why you should see this band live in concert but for now I’ll save the theatrics and settle with one. It was their authenticity and vulnerability that made me have an existential crisis mid concert and not feel embarrassed. A band that can do that is a band the world needs to get in on. I know I am.

[webcrawler3000]

I don’t think that ET has the capacity to learn.

He needs the chro-magnum gene.

His future spouse will never make it. There’s a genetic mismatch and it can’t survive. Are they used parts?! Yuck!! Give me back me body, BRANDON.

That explains my massive decline in health since July/August. I’m gonna…

Bitch, you’re killing me. Keep that BOLO on him. I need that DNA to come back to me.

Prancing around with my remains on a damn half breed.

imma talk to the galactic federation about this and make sure my remains are guarded.

Im gonna get you for malpractice, abuse of power, attempted murder, conspiracy, stalking, bribery, false advertisement, slander and defamation of character. Anything else besides wanting me dead?!

Aw, did I hurt the little one’s feelings? Why?

Bc you can’t control me like some doll?

Here’s your attention and reading for the day. Drop the MUMMY or I’m gonna raise hell and have a fit. I might have a nervous breakdown. ANYONE AND EVERYONE WEARING MY DNA FROM A PEEL OR RUNOFF, GET RID OF IT. Return it to the environment where you got it from. I saw them going ham on my hairbrush!

I bet I’ll be feeling better in 3 days if you keep your hands off my BOT! Bag Of Tissue.

Do I still have immaculate conception?

They were flying around in here all weekend.

My eggs wouldn’t be OLD if you weren’t WEARING THEM AND PLAYING HOUSE IN IT. They came back to me!

I hate you. Midget.

There needs to be a no contact between Asenath and Caskey. I’ll send you back to AFRICA! With your own personal little sun!

NO CONTACT BETWEEN ASENATH AND CASKEY DUE TO THE NATURE OF HIS CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY.

SHES SUPPOSED TO COME WALKING OUT OF THE TREES. Give me my new super human back before I blow your shit up with absolutely the most ridiculous stuff I got.

THATS WHY THE HEAD IS FALLING OFF!

I created the NEW HUMAN and there’s no biological match, I’m so advanced. It’s coming off because of the wiring. Our souls are wired different. Imma tell all your fans what you did if this doesn’t occur quickly.

Take my peels and my remains then talk shit about me online. YOURE A SELFISH ASSHOLE. You got the physical parts you want, then you want the emotional and mental stuff. No! Break off the engagement, make it official or I will.

TOUGH LOVE. Teach her the way. She’s too STUPID. AFRICA IT IS. She’ll be at home in the Congo.

Burden, are you reading this word-for-word?

[rideswithsharks]

NEW YEARS POEM

by Robert Hanley Tortora, a Wasteland Writer

2023

This year I’m going to

imagine

i live the Absolute

life

of the person I’d

be if

I

was successful, and

had enough

people

who gave a shit about

what

I

create to

make me want

to create

shit . I want . To . Create

At SOME point, I

realized some-thing

At some point, maybe

yesterday, or

Last week

Perhaps just NOW it

Has come to me

that

if I truly want to be

someone

who’s life has meant anything

Anything at all that I consider important to the

Reason I came for life in the first place

Than I can’t just have what I need

to make

my life mean

something. THE Thing

Even as it moves in me I have dismissed away

All it’s very essence

When I first heard the word

No

No one’s going to give

me that. I want what can’t be given, and despite such draperies

My robes fool only me

For real garments of the actual skin which I have obsessively sought to wear as my own

can’t ever be donned as though I’m entitled

For such flesh, as if there’s never anyway this all turns out but for me to slide in the skin

All while going about into and with out, splashing a poem here or there, introducing myself as a writer while my fingers don’t bleed alone in rooms of ever shrinking four walls; --

So king my weak ego and fragile mud shaped soul, any effort always

half assing everything I cared about

Tossed aside wonders still uncarved sculptures encased in stone I saw and tossed aside without making shape or responsibility for accuracy or shape truths

just expecting some

greatness will be observed by my stone piles around the beds and corners of my rooms,

When in youth the shapes of undressed women

Allowed themselves to me and

So fooled I became un

realized within

As if by half efforts it is I

doing greatness

the favor.

Truth is that the

lives we want for

ourselves are within grasp

but if we don’t take every extra

precaution

to make sure we

can’t

get it wrong

than we are going to

get

it

wrong and

in

the end we

Always where just another

tiny bit of

crumpled and forgotten bone all along,

Unforgiven by our own entitlements as if

More than a layer of minor

Dead thing

Under the mountains of

Just endless once wonder thing who loved

Whose flesh filled itself out with treasures of warmth and immensities of pleasures

All who loved once now utterly alone

TheIr heads crack and shatter

beneath our feet as we walk over them and

Fill landfills with garbage

And as those feet of those who are still to come

follow us by

walking upon our also discarded

skulls laying in heeps upon other discarded skulls

On other discarded skulls

On other discarded

Skulls

Discarded

Over and endless in the whole way down

To earths murderous ravenous wicked heart

Layer upon layer

Each who also

as children

spent young summer afternoons

blowing

dandelion seeds

into the long young wind