#these are all silly anxieties but answers of any kind that i could find would be Helpful

[tirednotflirting]

very strange mix of many different anxieties going into this week. have a headache and stomachache. this is fine.

[tiyoin]

Does Rook ever just "watch" twisted anxiety reader ?? I feel like he just enjoys the reactions that comes out of the reader.

the moment rook noticed reader slow down during PE was when he got a new target🤭

(rook is gonna get introduced very soon!)

it was enviable becoming rook's next watch target. silly reader! did you really think you'd be safe from people's watchful eyes in the sanctuary of ramshackle? your room?

non non non!

ofc rook loves to watch yuu. he finds them as beautiful as a stem of grass. how they go whichever way the wind takes them with gusto and elegance. how no matter how violently the wind whips them around they'll always be surrounded, always be supported by their fellow blades of grass. winter may be hard, like the obstacles they face! they may get stepped on, trampled and abused. but they'll always stand tall no matter what the cruelness of winter throttles at them. and when the spring rolls around, there's more blades of grass this time. they all get stronger and stronger, forever nonyielding to any adversities.

as much as they were a fortress, they were also a home. insects and bugs alike call grassy plains home. what may seem like meters to us could be miles for them. the grass are smaller trees, rook would joke in French whenever he got the chance.

overbold after overbold, rook was more surprised than the last at their perseverance, just like that of a single blade of grass.

and yet, you were something else entirely.

you were a donkey.

non non non!! that is something you should be ashamed of!

donkeys are de toute beauté creatures! (rook is actually more offended than you were when you got upset he compared you to a donkey)

listen dear y/n! donkeys are peaceful creatures that do not need your narrow mindedness around them. they're doing their best and that's more than anyone else can do.

would you rather be friends with a show horse or a donkey?

if you say show horse rook can see why. they're beautiful, elegant, majestic creatures compared to the latter. they're the models of the mammal species.

and yet, show horses are vain, egoistical divas who are known to kick and prank their trainers. quite literally bite the hand that feeds them.

yes you feel good being around it, but when push comes to shove, they care more about their manes than yours.

donkeys, to others, may be less physically appealing than the mighty knights stead, and yet by live stock handlers are much more beloved.

donkeys, albeit enthused creatures, are sensitive, kind, are known to make incredibly strong bonds. they're loyal creatures, once befriending a donkey you have a friend for life. where you walk they walk, when you cry they cry.

donkey's do not have manes so they do not care for them.

donkeys are very social animals, it is strongly advised of rhyme to not be solo as they become incredibly distressed and depressed when not in the company of their loved ones.

and dear reader, he must call you a donkey because have you SEEN your-

*rook is thrown in horny jail*

but rook is definitely one to appreciate the hidden gems of the world. and with his (and vil's) help he could make you shine! hiding uncut gems is an addictive feeling, but being able to shape and mend those rocks into crystals- that's what rook loves.

he wants everyone else to see the beauty that is you the beauty that you keep locked away in a hidden tower inside your heart. thick vines and unkept underbrush scatter along the walls of stone, titanium, and glass guard your tower.

rook will do what he must to get that box inside the tower, under the bed. he will do whatever it takes to open that box and show the world it's contents.

so why don't you join him for lunch? dear y/n.

and if the world turns it away he'll happily nuzzle it. as you always say: more for me!

uh, but to answer the question: yes. rook does watch twisted anxiety reader. it's apart of his schedule. he especially loves their unpredictability.

you have a class today, will you make it? or will you skip it again? if you skip it, then that's okay!

there's a few times where you've made him pause to think. but there were other times you were so painfully predictable. so painfully predictable that he felt perverted when he guessed the time you were gonna go to the library. only to see you walk in through the heavy oak doors not a second too late nor early.

and oh my god he loves watching reader's reactions. this mf would keep a track sheet 😭

would you continue playing the role of l'agneau, or would you let your fangs peek through your wooly disguise in hopes that the others wouldn't realize.

rook (and admittedly a few others) want to put you under a microscope.

poor reader would never leave ramshackle again if they found out! it works out for rook that the reader thinks they're unremarkable, it really does. cause it keeps them 'grounded' and in their own little buule! so he doesn't have to worry about any outside forces or them thinking a little too hard about their shadow.

[pretty-blkgirl]

Soul’s Desire [Ch. 7]

- Masterlist-

Knocking on the door to Bang Chan’s studio proved to be the hardest task you’ve ever faced. On the other side of the door was your soulmate, the person you were fated to be with.

On one hand, you were ecstatic, finding your soulmate was one of your biggest dreams. But on the other hand, being an idol was another one of your dreams, and what are the odds you’re meant to be with a man who’s a part of the same company as you?

You knew how big of a scandal this could be, and how much damage it would do to your respective careers. He was in one of the biggest K-pop groups in the world, and though you could already feel your affection towards him grow, you couldn’t bear to ruin everything he’s worked for.

Just as your anxiety spiked, and you contemplated running away, the studio door swung open to reveal a smiley Han Jisung.

Immediately your heart rate rose. It was silly, not only were you nervous because you were face to face with your destined partner, but also because this was the first time you both met personally.

Despite both being at JYP, the boys' schedule either had them overseas or cooped up in a studio. You being a trainee for only 6 months meant you barely had any time to meet them.

Your members met them though, Dae was even good acquaintances with Changbin, but your busy schedule (mixed with your ability to somehow miss any chance of meeting them you get) kept you away from them.

Now you stand right in front of someone who you admire and is destined to love.

Crazy how life works.

“Come in,” He says, moving to the side and allowing you to walk past. The first thing you see is Chan’s legendary laptop sitting on the desk.

Your impulsive thoughts say to touch it, but you don’t, instead, you sit on the sofa and look down at your shoes.

Han, ever so attentive to the new mark that connects you two, taps your shoulder and waits patiently for you to look up at him.

When you do, he’s wearing a kind look, “Foods gonna be here soon.”

You nod and quickly look down again, not missing the small chuckle Han lets out before he sits at the edge of the desk. There’s an awkward silence before he decides to break it

“Stop being so nervous”

“You’re Han Jisung”

“You’re y/n y/l/n”

“You’re HAN JISUNG”

“Call me Hannie” He smirks, “All the people close to me call me that”

“We’re close?”

“We’re soulmates. It doesn’t get any closer than that”

A knock on the door startled you briefly but Han walks to the door, opens it slightly, and talks to the person outside. The conversation is quick, and he closes the door after a few minutes.

“Staff?” You ask

“Yeah, my manager”

Your anxiety rises a little, “Does he know about me?”

“He definitely knows about your group, and he’s good friends with your manager, so I’d say yes”

You sigh, “Han, I mean does he know about us?”

“He doesn’t” He shrugs, “I promised you I wouldn’t tell anyone”

“Right” you nod, “Only one of my members know, we shouldn’t tell anyone else”

Han’s silence is, frankly, loud. It causes your anxiety to rise as you ponder over what’s not being said.

“There’s something you’re not telling me”

“We should get to know each other”

“Han please just tell me”

“Can’t I get to know my soulmate a little?”

With a defeated groan, you scoot over and pat the space next to you on the couch. He happily sits and isn’t shy about checking you out.

“You’re gorgeous” He sputters, “I’m a lucky guy”

Your cheeks heat up instantly, “You’re pretty nice-looking yourself”

The conversation flows after that, with you two telling stories about your predebut life, your likes and dislikes, and most importantly- what you expect from a soulmate.

“I value affection, but I understand some people aren’t affectionate,” You say, “What’s your love language?”

“Honestly I think all of them” Han answers with a small chuckle, “How about you?”

“Same! I can’t pick one. Lately, I’m into physical touch though, my members are sick of me”

This makes Han burst out laughing, and you realize just how cute his laugh is.

Once he’s calmed down, he looks at you with pure adoration, “I can’t believe this is the first time we met. How long were you a trainee again?”

“Six months” You answer, “I heard Lee Know was a trainee for only a couple weeks though?”

“That’s true! He’s so talented, I’m excited for you to meet the guys”

“Yeah, I hope they like me”

All the ease drained from you as Han gave you a weird look

“Han, you’re still not telling me something”

He sighs, “I just don’t know how you’re gonna react”

“Is it bad?” You question, your nerves causing you to tap your foot repeatedly

“No,” He says, “Just a lot to take in”

He sets a comforting hand on your knee, and you stop tapping your foot instantly.

“How’s your symbol feeling?” He questions suddenly

“It kinda tingles a little, I thought that maybe it was reacting to the bond you have with your members…?”

He gives you a small grin, “Yeah, that’s halfway right”

“Can you please tell me the whole truth?”

“…The bond is reacting that way because I’m not your only soulmate”

You were surprised, but not as much considering this theory had been in the back of your mind.

Okay, so you have more than one, crazy but not impossible.

“Okay, is it Chan and Changbin? My palm burned when I saw them earlier”

Han looked away and scratched his neck nervously, “Yeah it’s them”

“Okay, three soulmates! That’s alright, I’ll get used to it” Your tone was optimistic, and you thought Han would share the same sentiment.

Unfortunately, he looked back at you with an odd expression

“Um… what if I said there are more?”

“What? You said it was Chan and Changbin”

“It is! That’s just not it”

You groaned loudly, “Who else then?”

“…..the other five members”

~~~~|~~~~

Taglist: @prttyxbby @yukichan67 @h0rnyp0t @chuuyaobsessed @hanniemylovelyquokka

[elleloquently]

the wretched and joyful [ 2 ] : ellie williams

ellie williams x female reader | eventual angst + slowburn

───⋆☆ But we don't have to talk about it, I can walk you home and practice method acting - I'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning ♪

───⋆☆ I'm trying to be cool about it, Feelin' like an absolute fool about it Wishin' you were kind enough to be cruel about it - Tellin' myself I can always do without it, Knowin' that it probably isn't true ♪

| a/n - part two!! tags are at the bottom, let me know if u wanna be added! if you enjoyed reading, please considering reblogging/leaving a comment <3 thank you! | c/w - swearing, vague depictions of anxiety.. reader is in love with her best friend idk what to tell you!!

nearly everything that belonged to you used to belong to someone else. that's just the way things were.

you tried to find the thought comforting, but it really felt haunting.

when you moved into your house in jackson, it was like a still life museum. you couldn't help but try to imagine who lived there first, before the world went to shit. you tried to imagine what their daily life was like. how scared they must've been when...

it made you feel like you were living in a haunted house, and you were scared of ghosts.

maria was kind enough to set you up with some things that she thought you would like, but it still felt like you were living somewhere that you didn't belong.

the house felt like it was full of ghosts, so you rearranged and redecorated until it finally felt like your own.

years later, after a lot of trading and sorting through items ellie might find on patrol, you were actually pretty proud of the space that you presented for yourself. adeline once joked that you seemed to have a taste for "the frills," but you didn't mind.

you liked girly things, things that you could keep in secret and feel pretty without worrying about whether or not you seemed tough enough.

ellie had her comics, and you had your own things too.

your guilty pleasure was old magazines, filled with toxic drama, interior design tips, and how to's for all of your accessorizing needs. the pages were cheap and worn but good enough. the silly quizzes were the best part.

you liked pretending. pretending to live in that world instead of this one, wishing you could've been a girl picking out nail polish to match her outfits and deciding which color scheme suited her best. it flooded your senses with longing and never failed to give you a pit in your stomach.

it was like some kind of morbid obsession, wishing for better than what you had.

you didn't really talk about it, especially with ellie. you already knew how she felt about that sort of thing. besides, it made you feel weak. she just knew that you liked silly magazines, and would bring you them without a second thought if she had ever managed to find one.

jesse was actually the first to help you build your little collection. dina had found one on patrol, and brought it back so you could all laugh at the ridiculous headlines. when everything was winding down and you sheepishly asked if you could keep it, jesse seemed to take note.

besides ellie, jesse was one of your closest friends. he was a little more understanding to the sensitive side of you, which you appreciated. you hated feeling like you had to defend every little thought or feeling, to prove you weren't weak.

you'd been spending more time together as of late, especially since his patrol schedule was pretty much opposite of dina's.

you hated when they fought, always over something small and immature and it left you feeling like a child stuck in the middle. any group hangouts were typically reserved for when dina and jesse were on - so according to the news you had received from ellie, things were looking up.

when a knock at your door earned your attention, you jumped to answer it right away. you already knew who you were expecting.

"morning," you grinned as you held the door open. "are you coming in or am i coming out?" you wore shoes just in case, standing in the doorway.

"you're coming out," jesse replied, wearing a light jacket that he would most likely shed later. summer would be here soon, and the change in weather was certainly improving the mood of everyone in jackson.

you nodded once and tugged a sweater over your arms, closing the door behind you as you stepped outside. you loved mornings like this, warm and peaceful. it felt full of promise.

"where to?" you questioned, allowing jesse to take the lead. he grinned when he replied.

"the stables. hope you're not wearing your best clothes."

you scowled but only as a joke. you weren't wearing your "best" anything but even if you were, it wouldn't have mattered.

"you know i never mind," you chirped, bumping jesse's arm. "how come?"

"we're training more people for patrol so we might need more help in the stables for a bit. think you're willing to give an extra hand when you aren't wrangling the children?" jesse asked, raising an eyebrow as the corners of his lips turned upward.

there was somewhat of a school in jackson, and during the week you helped out with the younger kids. there weren't many, but enough so that they were glad to have your help.

"i would love to help," you said honestly, and jesse's smile turned sly.

"i know that," he replied. "that's why i already signed you up."

you snorted, rolling your eyes at his confident response. "whatever. i would've helped regardless, anytime."

"i know," jesse repeated. "thanks, kid."

this made you roll your eyes again, scoffing. there was barely even an age difference.

"you sound like joel." you wrinkled your nose, tilting your head. "all of you patrol people have such a complex," you grumbled, trying your very best not to smile.

"yeah, yeah." jesse slung an arm over your shoulders, causing you to gasp at the audacity. "you love us."

"us?" you questioned, falling into step with him.

jesse couldn't contain the shit-eating grin that plastered itself onto his face. "us. me, dina... ellie."

you laughed once, loud and embarrassed.

"you're so full of it," you replied, stepping out from under his arm.

"what? what did i say?"

"you're not funny. besides, i'm actually very upset with you," you confessed, staring down at your shoes while you walked.

your shift in tone was enough to concern jesse, and he almost seemed bewildered as he questioned you.

"what? why? what did i do?" he slowed his pace, waiting for you to respond.

you waited just a moment to linger it over his head before grabbing his arm, shaking it while you bounced on your feet like an excited child.

"for not telling me that you have a girlfriend!" you gushed, causing jesse to roll his eyes and quickly walk away from you.

"what's her name? what does she look like? is she gonna meet your family?" you continued on as jesse swatted at you. "you know i had to find out from ellie?"

"you're ridiculous," jesse grumbled.

"and you're keeping things from me?" you were really playing it up, finding satisfaction in the way he shook his head.

"you know, you're not funny," jesse mocked.

you laughed, catching back up with him. "really though, is everything all good?"

a small smile slipped in the place of jesse's scowl. "all good," he confirmed softly.

jesse seemed content so you let that be enough, finishing your walk to the stables in peaceful silence.

you didn't need much instruction since you were already quite familiar with the tasks. instead, it was mostly jesse explaining which horses would be in and out and when. you carried on with some light maintenance, chatting through each chore. jesse didn't really need to stay and help, but you appreciated the conversation.

"so," you started, placing a bucket of supplies on the ground. "what're we doing tonight?"

"huh?" jesse huffed, looking uncharacteristically caught off guard.

"the four of us," you clarified, brushing your palms on your pants. "i figured since things were cool again that we could finally hang out," you explained, though your use of finally might've been a bit overdramatic. jesse and dina were broken up for about a week, which meant a week of splitting your time between the two of them.

though lately you've been seeing less of dina, maybe because of her and ellie having plans or similar schedules.

"oh!" jesse exclaimed, the sudden loudness catching you off guard. "right. well, you know," jesse stammered.

you raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to put together a coherent sentence that wasn't just him shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head.

"you know," he repeated, even though you obviously didn't. "dina and i just thought that maybe... it would just be the two of us tonight. to um," jesse coughed. "catch up?"

you nodded silently, eyes wide with embarrassment. "of course!" you choked out, desperately wanting to save jesse from any more you know's and awkward stammering.

"hey, maybe tomorrow night," jesse offered, awkwardly clapping you on the shoulder. "you'll still hang with ellie, right?"

you nodded again, kicking your shoe against the ground.

you hoped that ellie would want to see you again, even though you just slept over. the matter wouldn't usually even be a factor, but you felt different lately. a little weird, like you were bothering her too much or something.

"for sure," you muttered, tossing a rag into the bucket with a clang.

jesse was quick to catch your change in tone.

"did something happen?" he questioned, leaning against a stable door.

his question felt like an assumption and you found yourself growing insecure as if everyone had noticed that something was different too.

you wanted to confide in him, you should've confided in him, about how ellie could be so hot and cold and was it normal to get stomach aches whenever you were around her?

instead, you forced out a short laugh and shook your head.

"'course not. she'll probably just sleep after she gets back."

jesse studied you briefly before kicking his weight off of the door, brushing his hands together.

"right. well, dina will probably be back soon so i should..."

"go on," you grinned, waving him away.

"you wanna come with?" jesse offered, knowing ellie would be returning as well.

"i actually think i'll stick around here. for... a little bit," you responded shyly, but jesse already knew why. "go on," you encouraged. "go!"

you watched as jesse walked away, casual at first but his stride turned into a sprint when he turned the corner, assuming he was out of view.

you laughed to yourself, standing awkwardly in the now empty stable. ellie would show up soon enough, which was good. you wanted a chance to talk to her. you were starting to feel pretty weird about how often you slept in her bed while she left for patrol in the morning.

you waited around a bit, standing awkwardly in the middle of the stables until you started to feel stupid and instead made yourself look busy. you rearranged some cleaning supplies in the buckets, and even wiped stall doors that you had already cleaned, just to look busy.

of course, ellie didn't appear until you were seemingly making small talk with a horse in the stable.

"-like it better when the weather is warm, right?"

ellie snorted, the sound cutting through the otherwise silent atmosphere that was only filled by your own chattering and the occasional horse sigh.

"who are you talking to?" ellie questioned, her tone lazy and amused.

ellie already knew, of course, but the startled look on your face was priceless.

"how was patrol?" you asked awkwardly. ellie led shimmer into the stables as you spoke.

"uneventful," ellie answered simply.

"that's good, right?" you asked, coming up to pet shimmer as she was being placed into her stall.

"uh, yeah, i guess," ellie shrugged, her tone sounding distant.

you deflated, just a little. maybe she needed some space.

"i'm gonna... get going," you announced, a little quieter than you intended but you had found your footing by the end of the sentence. finally, ellie turned and looked at you.

"what? you've been hanging around but now all of a sudden i'm here, and you're leaving?" ellie questioned, her eyebrows pinching together.

"just don't wanna be in the way," you replied, not knowing if you should take a step closer or a step further away.

"please," ellie huffed. you weren't sure if it was kind or insulting.

please like you're always in the way and don't seem to mind, or please like you're never in the way?

you opened your mouth, almost to ask for clarification, but the thought alone made your cheeks burn.

"i'm serious," you said instead, but didn't make any effort actually leave.

“of course you are,” ellie said, rolling her eyes. you caught the hint of a smile on her face though, just before she turned her back to you.

silent minutes ticked by while ellie was busy, and it was only awkward because you truly couldn't decide if you should just leave or stay. after the hesitation it seemed quite obvious that you would stay, but the dilemma made your face grow hot anyway. when did you start overthinking your interactions with ellie so much??

you really didn't want things with ellie to start being complicated, everything else was already complicated enough.

who was at fault, anyway? or was it simply nothing other than growing restless as the days grew longer?

your thoughts did a better job of occupying you than you had expected, because ellie blinked at you, unmoving.

"are you coming or what?" she asked, with that same unreadable tone that she seemed to love using lately.

you blinked. then nodded.

is this how things were going to be now? is this how they always were, you were only just now noticing?

you almost physically shook your head at the thought.

"coming where?" you asked instead.

ellie shrugged, something like a smile twitching at her lips.

you couldn't tell if she was trying to force a smile, or hide a real one and what the fuck, when did you start having so much trouble reading her?

"we could see joel," you suggested, trying to sound more upbeat than you had felt. you were in such a good mood yesterday, where did it go?

ellie raised her eyebrows at you.

"it's been a long time since we all had dinner together, just the three of us," you said nonchalantly, not wanting it to sound like a hint.

"yeah, well," ellie muttered, her gaze dropping to the ground. "a bit early for dinner, don't you think?"

"that's not really the point, but okay," you dismissed.

"what is the point then?" ellie asked, her voice suddenly more loud and pointed compared to just a few seconds ago.

the immediate switch in her demeanor caused your eyebrows to pinch together. "i thought you were.. doing better?"

the look on ellie's face was all of the confirmation that you had needed. it was the kind of expression that made you feel guilty for even bringing it up.

"sorry. i just thought.. you know, the boots," you practically stammered, not wanting ellie to be annoyed with you.

"'just being nice," ellie replied tightly, to which you nodded solemnly in return.

"forget it then. sorry. i shouldn't have mentioned it," you spoke, wiping your palms on your pants.

the fight, or, whatever it was that happened between ellie and joel was possibly the biggest and only secret that ellie had ever kept from you, to your knowledge. she was so frustratingly vague about it, skating around answers and reasons as to why joel didn't seem like her joel anymore.

they were friendlier now, more so than right after it had happened, but still it felt strained. it had practically happened overnight, much to the confusion of nearly everyone around the two, and things were still not back to the way in which they used to be.

you missed the dinners.

truthfully, you still had dinner with joel occasionally. you weren't sure if ellie knew, but you had never mentioned it to her.

considering, ellie wasn't the only one keeping secrets.

"forget it," ellie repeated quietly. for a moment, she looked kind of awkward, like she was trying to think of something else to say.

it actually sort of made you feel better.

the silence that followed lingered, but not too long, making it possible to recover from.

"let's just get out of here," ellie mumbled, so quietly that you nearly missed it. she began walking without even glancing back at you, surely assuming that you would just follow.

and you did.

you almost tripped over your own feet when you realized how seamlessly you would follow her without another word. it was dangerous, nearly.

"we could go to tipsy?" you suggested lightly, trying to catch up to ellie so it didn't seem as though you were trailing after her.

at your suggestion, ellie snorted.

"what, tough day or something? it's the afternoon," ellie denied, and you were simply grateful that the lighthearted teasing tone had returned to her voice.

"maybe another time. jesse and dina could come, we could make it a thing."

ellie raised an eyebrow, peering sideways at you as your lazy steps fell into sync.

"a thing," ellie repeated softly, shaking her head with a soft chuckle.

"is something wrong with that?" you questioned, squinting your eyes as the bright sun invaded your sightline.

"huh? no. just cute the way you always try to like... i don't know, make an event out of things," ellie explained.

your cheeks warmed, but the guise of the heat helped it to go unnoticed.

cute.

you didn't want ellie's words to linger, so you scrambled fast.

"hey, i still need to debut my new skirt, right?" you managed.

"that you do," ellie sighed. "or you could just- i don't know, hear me out.. just, put it on?"

you frowned at her teasing, even though it made your heart swell with affection. "that's boring, ellie. don't you know me at all?"

"best of all, actually," ellie retorted. you opened your mouth to fire back a reply, but nothing came.

ellie was right usually, always, when it came to you. she knew you better than anyone. in the world that you lived in, it was practically the best gift that you could give to someone that you cared for. vulnerability, loyalty. the ability to trust and be trusted. being known and feeling seen was like a reward.

sure, jackson was your home. but you weren't sure how much it truly would feel like home if ellie wasn't there.

it was funny, sometimes you had forgotten that you hadn't actually known ellie your whole life.

sometimes, you pathetically wondered what things might've been like if you had known ellie forever.

a few years ago, when ellie was prone to more laughter, she would tell fabricated stories about your friendship if you had met before. you would never forget the look on her face the first time that you had confided in her about the mistreatment from the QZ crowd.

"i would've fucked 'em up," ellie said solemnly, causing you to laugh in disbelief.

"what? ellie, i was... thirteen. you would've been too."

"yeah, and? i would've fucked them up. and then..-"

she would continue until you were in a fit of giggles, wheezing through laughter.

neither of you had much of a childhood, but ellie had some lucky moments. your time together though, it almost felt healing. despite everything.

"i know," you said finally, falling short of thinking up a witty response.

"you don't need to make any stops today, do you?" ellie questioned suddenly.

an evident look of confusion crossed your face as you answered. "hm? you mean addie? no, why?"

"just wondering," ellie grumbled, and your lips twisted into a teasing smile.

"why do you get so weird about her?" you questioned, closing your fingers around her wrist to keep her walking pace in tune with your own.

"i don't get weird," ellie disagreed, her tone bordering on childish. "i just feel like she's always judging me or something."

"judging you?" you laughed, the sudden loudness cutting through the hazy, quiet afternoon of jackson. "ellie, adeline does not judge you."

"she looks at me funny," ellie complained, wrinkling her nose.

"she does not!" you released your hold on ellie's wrist, limply wacking her arm instead. ellie only reacted by rolling her eyes.

"besides, if she looks at you funny, she probably has a reason for it," you contemplated with a click of your tongue.

"what? what did i do?" ellie questioned, her cheeks turning red.

you laughed again, loud, causing ellie to reach over and shove your side. you only momentarily stumbled, the clumsy reaction not halting your laughter.

"whatever. see you later," ellie grumbled, making no effort to walk ahead of you.

"okay, see you later," you chirped, settling your giggles but the aftermath still made your cheeks sting. ellie glanced at you quickly, and you could tell that she was wondering if you were actually going to leave.

your hand accidentally brushed against ellie's and you moved to put some distance between your bodies, ignoring the way that it sent jolts through your body.

"are you gonna stay again?" ellie asked, her tone sounding a little too forced to be nonchalant, but the attempt was there.

"at yours? sure. i feel like i haven't slept in my own bed in ages," you responded.

"you don't have to come," ellie said simply.

"no, it's not a bad thing," you clarified. really, it wasn't.

"i could come to yours?" ellie asked, a look crossing her face that you couldn't quite depict, almost like she had remembered something. maybe she didn't want to risk a run in with joel, as your dinner comment had unsettled her.

"only if you want," you shrugged.

"just let me grab some stuff first," ellie told you, to which you silently obliged with a nod of your head.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"you're... okay, you're doing it wrong." ellie's snappy tone caused you to huff.

"i'm doing exactly what you said."

"no, you're not listening."

"you're not explaining!"

ellie rolled her eyes, moving to sit closer to you on the floor.

"your fingers are supposed to stay down, right here," ellie delicately pressed your fingers into place as you hold her guitar. you have to swallow hard, willing yourself not to react to her touch.

"one finger per fret, like this," ellie explains, her voice softer as she regained her patience.

"you know i'm never gonna be good at this," you complained, letting your fingers go limp under ellie's pressure.

"then why do you keep saying that you want to learn?" ellie questioned, sitting back and dropping her hands to her lap.

"because i want to be good at it," you sighed. you stretched your arms, handing the guitar to ellie. "it wouldn't be the same anyway. i just like when you play for me."

ellie's cheeks go crimson. "shut up."

she strummed anyway, showing you how the song that you were 'attempting' to learn was supposed to sound.

you leaned your back against the side of your bed, the wooden floor beneath you providing little comfort. ellie explained chords as the dreamlike sounds filled your bedroom. you listened intently, more focused on the sound of ellie's voice than the actual information that it was providing.

you spend a lot of nights like this, being the only two people in the world, the moon being your only light until you fall asleep.

your curtains, dingy and laced, were drawn back purposefully for that very reason, you had admired the late sunset as the moon finally began to peek its way into the night sky.

the moon, the sound of ellie's voice, the feeling of your surroundings seeming slightly fuzzy from how tired you were.. you wished you could bottle up these moments and keep them forever.

in these moments, when you watched her, your feelings seemed clear as day. ellie's eyebrows furrowed in concentration, the way her fingers seemed to strum effortlessly on the guitar, the little strands of hair that kept escaping her bun and falling into her face.

surely you loved her. there was simply no other way around it.

when it was dark, you could think it over and over.

i think i love her. i really think i might love her. it would make your pulse quicken and your insides explode, but the thought was fathomable. for some reason though, during the day, it couldn't even be a question. you would deny it. you wouldn't even allow the thought to slip into your mind as long as you could help it.

you really, truly weren't sure why it made such a big difference.

"i love it," you murmured, referring to the song that ellie was playing.

"i remember," ellie replied, feeling the need to whisper though she wasn't exactly sure why. "it's why i learned it, anyway."

ellie said it so simply, so casually, that you wouldn't have given it a second thought until you noticed the way that she refused to meet your gaze, even after she stopped playing.

"maybe i will be good at it one day," you hummed.

"maybe," ellie snorted. "if you ever get any patience."

"says you," you replied with a frown. "i'm super patient," you argued, but you had a hard time believing your own words. not that you were determined to change ellie's mind, anyway. your thoughts were elsewhere.

"maybe," ellie mumbled suddenly, catching you slightly off guard. you slip off into your own thoughts entirely too easily. "if you're always with those kids. i couldn't fucking stand it."

"i guess that's true. it just feels.. different? i don't know." your slight laugh turns into a yawn as you shake your head. "jesse told me you guys are trying to put more people on patrol?"

ellie nodded, rolling her eyes. "yeah. 'been a pain in the ass, that's for sure."

"that bad, huh?" you questioned, toying with the hem of your cardigan that you had thrown over your pajamas.

"i'm just.. i don't like the teaching stuff. i just want to get it done, you know?"

you nodded, and wondered if that's why ellie has seemed more exhausted than usual. "i get it. you can't blame maria for pairing people with you, though."

"i wish she wouldn't."

"yeah, but ellie, you're one of the best. you know that."

ellie shook her head, causing more strands of hair to frame her face. you could've laughed at her dedication to leaving the few strands still pulled back in a bun, instead of just taking it out entirely.

"maybe i should sign up," you said, partly joking. "finally give patrol a real try.

"no," ellie responded firmly, a little too quickly. you had only been kidding, you knew you would be no good, but regardless her reaction was a little much.

"why not?"

"because you can't.. you're not.. it's just, not your thing, alright?" ellie huffed.

you crossed your arms and wanted to be offended but ellie was right. you were no good for it. still, you rolled your eyes and refused to make eye contact until your name slipped from ellie's lips like an apology.

"just forget it, alright?" ellie pleaded, her voice regaining its softness.

you looked at her, the lighting was dim but your eyes were adjusted to the dark that had fallen over the room. she felt the most familiar like this, like your ellie.

ellie was softer in the moonlight. maybe she felt more like herself in it, too. the way she looked now - messy hair, pink cheeks, almost gave you a dreamlike feeling as if you could spill your guts to her and everything would be fine.

"alright," you murmured, allowing your eyes to lock with ellie's green ones. the darkness was safe, you wouldn't shy under her gaze. you were brave. "i was only kidding anyway. and i know that you only said no because you know that i would be the best at patrol and steal your crown."

"okay, you need to go to sleep," ellie replied simply. she stood from the floor, stretching and fidgeting with her hoodie.

"you hate when i have fun," you mumbled bitterly as ellie crossed to your window, closing the curtains. they didn't provide much coverage, but the room was suddenly consumed with less light than before.

"you hate when i'm right." ellie reached her hand down to you, and you allowed yourself to be pulled up from the floor. ellie pulled back the bedding as you discarded your cardigan onto the floor.

there was a couch in the living room. plenty of blankets and pillows for a comfortable enough spot on the floor. sharing the bed was never a discussion, you just did. you never really considered otherwise. it didn't really seem like ellie ever did either. if she did, she didn't show it.

you tried to swallow your feelings as you slid into bed next to ellie, wondering if it was normal to always share a bed like this. wondering if it was normal to always overthink it.

"if i threw my sweater on the ground like that, you would be pissed at me," ellie remarked. you could hear the smile in her tone.

you couldn't help but roll your eyes at her exaggeration, and you hoped that she could see it. "bullshit, i would not."

despite your tone, you wanted nothing more than to reach out and swipe away the strands of hair covering ellie's face.

you honestly could have. you knew ellie wouldn't have minded, not in the privacy of your dim room. you would have, but it felt wrong if your feelings weren't purely platonic. you couldn't live in denial forever, at least not when it came to your feelings for ellie.

"liar," ellie mumbled, leaning on her arm. the proximity was daunting.

you couldn't do anything but shake your head. you certainly liked to keep a tidy space, not much like ellie, but you didn't mind her stuff around your room one bit.

"huh, that's what i thought," ellie said with a satisfied huff, as if your silence could be taken as agreement.

your brows furrowed instantly. surely she could read your expression.

"quit it," you sighed. "you're making things up. and being difficult," you added.

ellie shook her head, the remnants of her bun bobbing around the back of her neck.

"don't know what to tell you babe," she replied, the sarcasm in her voice prompting an eye roll from you.

"shut up and go to sleep," you complained, picking up your pillow and tossing it over her face.

"ow, what the hell?" ellie whined. she was genuinely making a fuss and you laughed plainly at her. maybe she really hadn't changed that much over the years. at least not when it was just the two of you.

"don't say ow. pillows don't hurt," you said simply. your lack of concern made ellie's jaw drop as she leaned forward and twisted to the side, looking over you as you rested your back against the soft mattress.

ellie was practically looming over you. you stifled a nervous giggle but didn't bother tearing your eyes away from ellie's.

she stared at you for a moment, any hint of a joke on her face quickly leaving. ellie looked like she was going to say something at first, but maybe she had forgotten or changed her mind because she only remained silent as if she were studying you.

the steadiness of her gaze began to make you uncomfortable as nerves swirled around your stomach. ellie's eyes flickered over your face, and you would've done anything to read her mind. was she actually annoyed or was it something else? ellie's lips parted slightly and your breath hitched, guilty once again for the thoughts clouding your mind.

you sat up to break the tension, say a stupid joke maybe, but you moved too quickly and your face was too close to ellie's now. before you had a moment to feel embarrassed, ellie pressed a palm to your chest and promptly shoved you back down. you fell back against the bed with a huff.

the moment of whatever it was was quickly erased as ellie tore her gaze away from you and settled back into her spot.

you didn't speak again and neither did ellie. she simply handed you your pillow and turned on her side, putting her back to you. you remained still for too long, trying desperately to settle your breathing.

you held a heavy hand over your chest, pressing down firmly as you attempted to set your mind straight.

thoughts of just friends, don't fuck up- plagued your mind for only what you could've assumed to be hours on end.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you left ellie alone in your bed that morning.

you tried not to wonder how it would make her feel as you pulled on your cardigan from the floor and tip toed out of the room.

she must've been exhausted.

the mornings were still cold before the sunshine had a chance to warm up the earth around you, so you walked quickly through the quiet streets of jackson.

there were some people, of course, out and about, but not quite as often as usual considering it was the weekend.

you were lucky.

you were lucky to know ellie and lucky to have ellie. that could be enough. you never wanted to lose her, so you could never do anything that would cause you to lose her. you were lucky, and you would be happy to swallow your feelings and keep a secret as long as it resulted in your friendship always remaining.

your hands balled into fists at your sides, mentally pushing away any stray, worrying thoughts.

"where are you goin' all dressed up this morning?"

you halted at the familiar voice, your cheeks sheepishly growing warm at the teasing. regardless, your smile was genuine.

"to dina's, i think," you replied, turning to meet tommy. you looked down at your pajama pants and top, realizing the cardigan didn't disguise it as much as you had hoped.

tommy had been the first person to ever give you a break. even though you were already a teenager when they brought you into jackson, tommy and joel practically raised you up more than anybody else ever had. with adeline hollis included, they were the closest thing to family you ever had.

"everything alright?" he questioned, frown lines deepening.

"of course, why?" you responded, squinting curiously at the older man.

"oh, nothin'. just, ellie isn't with you is all."

you swallowed hard, swatting at the air to distract from the fact that your smile had tightened. "she's sleeping!" then, for good measure, you changed the subject. "are you getting back from patrol?"

"yes ma'am," tommy replied in a way that drew a laugh out of you.

"you better go get some sleep too then," you warned, and he waved you away.

"go on, get outta here," tommy gruffed, sending you on your way.

your steps were more hurried now and you bounced nervously on your feet when you reached dina's front door.

you figured it was your best bet.

you knocked three times, and you only had to wait a few moments before the door creaked open an inch.

"hey honey, what's the matter?" dina inquired, eyebrows rising in concern as she looked at you.

you noticeably deflated. "what? why does everybody keep asking me that?" you laughed, and it sounded a little too forced. "i'm fine!"

dina scanned your features but visibly relaxed at your words, opening the door wider. "what's up then?"

"i was wondering if- hi jesse," you cut yourself off as his figure appeared in the doorway.

"is everything okay?" he asked, placing a gentle hand on dina's shoulder.

you groaned, causing a look of bewilderment to cross jesse's face.

"she's fine," dina murmured, offering you a small smile.

"i just wanted to ask if you guys wanted to go to the tipsy bison. with me. and ellie, probably." you offered, clasping your hands together in front of you.

"it's pretty early, i don't think seth would even- ow!"

dina cut jesse off with a jab. "when?" she asked, which pleased you very much.

"meet at sunset?" you suggested hopefully, eyes darting between the couple.

you were thrilled when they agreed. of course, they had said, and you left them to enjoy their morning.

on your walk back to your house, you forced yourself to breathe steady. ellie would probably be awake, and that was fine. you were friends, and that was fine. lucky. the best gift you could ask for.

you plastered a smile on your face, swallowing down every negative feeling and emotion.

you were in a good mood. you had to be.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tags :

@dinoastronaut @skylerwhitwyo @muthafuckingstargirl @minustwofingers @mirrorballels @macaroni676

[ellana-ravenwood]

Buttslap ?/Batslap ! - Bruce Wayne x fem!reader

Synopsis : You’ve had the “bad” habit of slapping your husband’s butt every chance you get since almost as long as you two started dating. And sometimes, it gets you in trouble...

Not me, writing a fic the day before my wedding...Haha, I had time to relax before the big day, and I thought : “what could be better to truly chill, than to write a silly little fanfic ?” This started from an ask, and now we’re here. This is just a story for fun and not to be taken too seriously, one of those stories that exist purely because I told myself : “I mean, why not ?”. I hope you’ll like it nonetheless ! : 

Please, do not repost my stories anywhere else, under any other form. Do not translate and then repost them either. Thank you. 

My masterlists : @ella-ravenwood-archives​

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Habitus 

““Man is largely a creature of habits”, said the famous philosopher G. Stanley Hall and...ain’t that the truth ? 

It’s nice and stress free, to have habits. To do things a certain way, and to not change that way (as long as it’s effective). To automatically repeat certain actions. 

It’s comforting, even soothing, to know that at least, there’s some constant in your life. It’s a feeling of safety, almost. 

It’s one of those things you know you can always rely on, you know ?

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I will always, ALWAYS, slap my husband’s ass whenever I get the chance.”

There’s a silence in the room, as you end your little speech. Most people are just too stunned to react. What, did THE (Y/N) Wayne just say all that for real ? Or was it a collective hallucination ? 

Did you really just climb up the stage at this insanely crowded charity gala, and proudly told everyone that...you enjoyed slapping the famed Bruce Wayne’s butt ? 

Well. Yes. Yes, you very much did. Oh dear...

And the worst thing was ? You weren’t even aware of it. 

The past week had been quite busy, and stressful, and you did not want to come to this gala, but your position made it so you were kind of obligated to...and therefor, to ease your anxiety about it all, you might’ve drunk a little bit too much champagne (you didn’t need much anyway). 

Oopsie. 

Now here you were, talking about slapping your husband’s ass, and it being an action that comforted you greatly. How embarrassing. Fortunately, most people were just shocked that you dared to say all that, and would probably think they imagined it all.

Plus, Bruce, being used to your antics, just casually walked on the stage, and just took your hand and dragged you with him before you could continue to speak about how you worshipped your husband’s butt. 

Of course, as he took you away, you managed to give his ass a good slap, before turning to everyone else and saying with a big smile : “Soooo satisfyinnnnnnng !!”. 

Needless to say, you were mortified the next day, as your husband told you all about it, amused. You did remember doing that, and that it sounded like a GREAT idea on the moment and- oh my God, you hated those galas ! 

You were expecting the story to be on the headline of all tabloids, but fortunately for you, that day, Penguin’s trial was starting and the “downfall of the Cobblepot” was still more important than “(Y/N) Wayne says husband’s butt is great”...Pheww, crisis averted. 

This time. 

The first time it happened 

Slap !! 

Bruce stops in his tracks, and slowly turns around towards you. 

“Did you just...Did you just slap my ass ?” 

He asks, almost in disbelief, his cheeks slightly tinted of a rosy color that you find just too adorable (although, you’d never tell him that). 

“Um, yes ?” 

You answer shyly, afraid you went a little too fast. Afraid you offended him. Afraid you were totally out of bound. I mean. You did slap his butt without asking if you could, he didn’t consent, and that was bad...The more you thought of it, the more you were livid. What did you do ? How dare you ? You really just slapped THE Bruce Wayne’s ass, the fearless Batman’s butt cheeks ??? And without asking if you could first, at that ??? Outrageous. 

“Im-I’m sorry ! I didn’t mean to- I mean, I did mean to, but I should’n’t have ! I’m sorry ut’s just-”

It’s just you couldn’t help it. What. The man was climbing the stairs in front of you, showing his perfectly shaped butt to you, what else were you supposed to do ?? It was pure instinct. 

Here he was, all muscles and shapes in his black dress pants, and suddenly, your hand found itself slapping his backside as if it had a mind of its own ! 

You were feeling so awkward now, this was what, your third date ? How would you have reacted, if a man did this to you ? 

Oh dear. Oh dear. Were you one of those disgusting predator ?? Slapping people’s butt just like that ? 

Oh. But not just people. Bruce Wayne’s butt. Only his, had such a power of attraction on your hand. Which didn’t make you feel any better about your action. 

You were a little disgusted with yourself, the more you thought about it. And you-

“No don’t apologize ! Please. I-um...I liked it.” 

Short silence. 

You look at him. He looks at you. 

You raise an eyebrow, a smirk slowly rising on your face. 

He looks away, embarrassed. 

“You did now, didn’t you ?”

“Yes. You can- do it again, if you want.” 

“Can I ?” 

“Yes.” 

Ah. Here was the last barrier to it all : his permission. 

He was giving you permission to slap that beautiful, perfect ass. Who were you, to resist him ?

And that’s, when this all thing started. 

“A disgusting habit !!”

The kids hate it, of course. 

As if the fact their parents weren’t into PDA way too much for their taste, what, their mom just HAD to slap their dad’s ass whenever she could ?? 

Did you have no self-control ?!

DICK 

Dick was eight years old, when he saw you do that for the first time. It was still a time during which you tried to keep your affection for your husband as tamed as possible, especially in front of your boy (as the years went by, you just found it too funny, the way they reacted to the slightest touch of affection between you and Bruce, and you couldn’t help but mess with them). 

You slapped his butt, and he turned around smiling and then kissed you

And Dickie, oh, bless that young and innocent little bird...He thought the butt slap was just a way of showing someone you loved them ! 

Oh, oh the awkward moment when you had to explain to him that no, this was not what it meant, and that he couldn’t just go around slapping everyone’s butt (that kid loved too many people). 

That it was only when you “loved-loved” someone, that you could do that. 

The boy was horrified, of course. And even to this day, he remembers it. He often said that it was one of his childhood’s greatest trauma (and in a way, that joke helped him relativized his actual trauma). 

After that, whenever he would see you slap Bruce’s but, he’d yell : “Go love-love each other somewhere else !”, and you found it so adorable, despite your son being genuinely mad. 

Even now, as an adult, he’d still exclaim things like : “Oh please for the love of goooood, get a rooooom !!”, and other : “CONTROL YOURSELF, PARENTS !”

It never ceased to amuse you. Which was definitely not why you kept doing that in front of him, right ? *evil laugh*. 

JASON 

Jason thought it was funny. Ever since he was a child. 

In his mind, you slapping Bruce’s butt was a mark of affection. Was one of your love language. He’d always been more sensitive than others, as to what made each person’s way of loving others special. 

It always made him happy, when he saw the both of you giggle together because of it. Jason never needed much, in life. Just people to love, and who loved him back. Just family. 

Of course, just like his brothers and sister, he’d get annoyed by your “horny teenager” behavior sometimes. But the butt slapping ? It was never that. It was always clearly just a fun joke between you and Bruce. 

Ah, Jason couldn’t help it. If you or his dad smiled ? It was enough for him. He couldn’t be mad, when those he loved were happy. It made him happy, in return. 

When he got resurrected, and he felt abandoned by all of you, it was more painful than every thing else. He would’ve rather been tortured by the Joker for a thousand years, than feel this emotion again. All alone, unloved, forgotten...(or at least, so he thought). 

When he started to forgive you guys, and he first saw you slap Bruce’s butt after years and years of not seeing something like this...

It made him smile. Unintentionally. Subconsciously. 

A big smile. And it warmed his heart. Because-

Because those two still loved each other as if it was their first day together. 

Because his parents were happy. 

And, because the reason he was so angry at them, was because he loved them so much, that it hurt too strongly to think they abandoned him...

But small moments like this. His mom slapping his dad’s butt when she thought he wasn’t looking. Bruce unable to fight the smile growing on his lips. The look you both exchanged...

Love. 

And it just made him happy. As simple as that.

TIM 

Tim had decided since a long time that he would just pretend like his parents do not exist when they start to get all lovey dovey. 

As a result, you can slap Bruce’s ass right in front of him, or even kiss him, and Tim will just close his eyes, and pretend he’s somewhere else. 

The first time he brought Bernard home, Bruce, him and said Bernard were in the kitchen drinking some milkshake when you came in the room.

Tim instantly just turned his head towards his boyfriend, knowing what was going to happen. And sure enough...it did happen. 

You said : “hey guys”, to which they all answered “hey” (my love - Bruce / Mom - Tim/ Mrs Wayne - Bernard). You casually walked across the room, gave your husband’s ass a big ol’ slap (he acted as if it never happened), got yourself a smoothie, and then exited the room saying “bye guys”, of course not forgetting to slap his butt once more as you walked passed Bruce, and give him a mandatory kiss on the cheek. 

Tim said : “Bye mom”, still not looking in your direction. Bruce said : “bye my love”. And Bernard just stared, obviously stunned by what just happened. 

Later on, Tim would just tell him : “Ignore them, trust me, it’s just easier.”, and honestly, Bernard couldn’t help but love that weird family. Never a boring day, with them. 

DAMIAN 

He will NEVER let his father walk in front of you. You go up flight of stairs ? Either he’ll make sure you get in the front, either he’ll get in the middle of them.

His strategy was to simply not give you a chance to slap Bruce’s ass. 

After all, if you always did it “whenever you got a chance”, if he rendered nulle those chances...he could avoid seeing it, right ? 

He always managed to get himself between you and his father, to take your hand at the right time, and hug you, so that you’d stop the “slapping motion”. 

Bonus ? The fact that he could make his dad almost jealous because that meant that he always managed to redirect your attention on him. The attention that was supposed to be for Bruce, he’d get it with his hugs. 

It was sneaky, really. And it always worked. 

CASS

Cass was the most radical of them all. Unlike Damian, who would stop you in some clever way, she’d simply stop you unscrupulously. If she saw you approached her father when she was around, she’d just say : 

“No.” 

And stop you by grabbing (lightly) your wrist. Which always stunned you enough, that you just forgot about the butt slap. 

At one point, your only daughter took it upon herself to “train you” to stop doing that when she was around...and literally used a water spray to deter you from slapping your husband’s butt. 

Whenever she saw you coming from behind Bruce’s back, she’d spray your face with water, and say “no.” 

It worked...for a short while. You didn’t want to embarrass or annoy your kids too much, so if it bothered her that much, you’d just stop. 

You’d just stop ? 

Oh, but that was underestimating your “manipulation skills”. “No”, ugh ? Well, we’d see about that. After all, you don’t teach new tricks to an old dog. 

You over-exaggerated everything. Sighed whenever you saw your husband, staring at his butt, but not doing anything. It came to a point that Cass started to feel guilty, and eventually stopped reacting to you slapping your husband’s butt (well, she’d use the “Tim technique” of looking away, even though she still thought you two were disgusting). 

Your plan worked. No more spraying of water, no more “no”, or Cass stopping your wrist...Aaaah, it was almost too easy. 

Once, Dick said : “Ah, she got you too, didn’t she ?”, and Cass didn’t quite grasp his words before a long time. When she finally got it, an evening, while laying in bed, she sat up suddenly and exclaimed : 

“WHAT THE FUCK !!” 

DUKE 

Duke..never expect THE Batman to act this way. And even less elegant (Y/N) Wayne that he saw so many time in the papers. 

And yet, every chance you got, you’d give your husband’s ass a big slap, and leave definitely pleased with yourself. 

How weird. 

But to be honest, this wasn’t the weirdest thing Duke found out about that family. And in the end, Batman getting his ass slapped by his wife on a regular basis, was it really that weird ? 

Yes. No. Yes. It definitely was. 

The incident (you know, worst than that time you publicly admitted you loved slapping your husband’s ass)

“We warned you countless time, mother. It was bound to happen, really. You can only blame yourself.” 

It was rare, that Dick would call you “mother”. To be fair, none of them ever did...except when they were sort of disappointed in you. Kind of in the same way you’d call them by their full name when you were mad at them, you know ? 

The fact that your eldest just called you “mother” added insult to injury. It wasn’t like your son, to rub salt into the wound. But oh well...You did kind of deserve it. 

You definitely had it coming. 

But seriously, how could you know ? Those people were sneaky. It was part of their job ! 

You sighed, looking at the headline of most papers from Gotham, horrified : 

“Is (Y/N) Wayne cheating on Bruce Wayne with...BATMAN ????” 

“Gosh dang it”, to use an expression often used by a certain man from Smallville. 

So what, you can’t even slap your husband’s butt in public now ?? Well..You made a mental note of not doing it in public, anymore. Not when he was wearing the Batman costume, that is.  

What happened was : it was 6 am. One of those December mornings during which it was still very dark outside. You were going to an important early meeting, and your family was coming back from a night out patrolling. You thought you’d kiss them goodnight on your way. 

How were you supposed to know that a paparazzo was following you that day ? It was so early, what kind of psycho would do that ? Oh..but this was Gotham, of course. 

The picture that bastard snatch didn’t leave any doubt : it was clearly you, grabbing with your full hand a piece of Batman’s ass. 

Gosh dang it. 

How were you going to get out of that one ? 

It’s Tim, who suggested you pretend the picture was manipulated. He almost didn’t say anything, because well, yeah, this would serve you right...But also, he couldn’t bear the thought of anyone thinking something ill of his mom. 

Bruce took care of the rest. 

Using the latest tech available, he actually manipulated the picture to make it look like you were giving something to Batman. And he managed to convince everyone else that the picture of you grabbing his ass was faked. 

What would Lucious think, if he knew his hard work was used for that, uh ? 

Everyone knew you loved when paparazzi took picture of you grabbing your husband’s ass, because you thought it was funny. So it was easy to pretend as if the paparazzo managed to fake the picture using those. 

And then, everyone also knew that Bruce Wayne had a close “work” relationship with Batman, so the fact his wife would give Batman files wasn’t too crazy. 

Of course, the fact Gothamites seemed to vow a blind faith into your husband, made the rest easy. 

Everyone bought it. Oh, and that paparazzo ? Bruce made sure he wouldn’t be a problem (by giving him many pictures to sell, not by threatening him...at least, not officially). 

And that’s how you avoided a HUGE scandal. 

But did that incident deter you from slapping your husband’s ass every chance you got ? Absolutely not. 

The broken hand

“For the last time Damian, this wasn’t my fault !” 

“Oh yeah ? Well you should’n’ve contracted your muscles so much !” 

“I-I can’t help it !!” 

But nothing Bruce could say would stop his son to glare at him. 

“Who need muscles in their ass anyway ????” He’d say, angry that-

That his mom got hurt. 

You found it so funny. This situation was hilarious. Like, come on. You had a cast on your hand right now, because you slapped your husband’s ass a little too hard (and that man was made of pure muscles). 

Neither Damian nor Bruce thought it was, of course, which made it even funnier. 

Damian couldn’t bear any harmed be done to you, and though he knew it was an accident, he couldn’t help be a little mad at his dad. 

“Batman works out everything.”

Is what you heard your husband say, once, to Clark (surely, they were fighting about who had more muscles once again...pretty common...Ugh, men).  

But it was true, your husband worked out every single muscles in his body. He never skipped “leg day”, and definitely didn’t skip “butt and glute” day. 

His ass was hard. 

And you broke your hand slapping it. 

Come on, it was so fu*king funny !! 

Bruce, of course, hated when you were hurt. He always felt ill himself, when you’d get any kind of injuries. But that time ? He couldn’t feel (too) sorry, because oh my god you laughed way too much at your own mistake ! 

He could’ve gone without your son’s reaction, though...

Bruce had to hear about it for days. Jason and Dick also thought it was so funny (mainly the fact their little brother would keep bringing it up). But none thought it was funnier than you did. 

So. Yes. A broken hand. Ah, but did that deter you from slapping your husband’s ass every chance you got ? Absolutely not. 

The instagram page

It was a secret. 

A secret all of your children knew, of course. 

But they pretended they never heard of it, and had the account blocked on their personal insta feed. 

Yes. It was a “secret”. 

What, you might ask ? 

An instagram page, with pictures of your husband’s perfect butt. 

An instagram page...ran by you, of course. 

Because : “sharing is caring, it’s not fair if I’m the only one who can admire it.” 

So, no. You were not about to share him with anyone really. You wouldn’t be the only one admiring it, but you’d stay the sole “batbutt toucher” on this planet (other planets included, actually). 

But you loved to brag about him. Plus, you thought it was HILARIOUS to open such an instagram page. 

Of course, you were the only who found it funny. But oh well, it was worth it. And those accounts racked quite a bit of followers. 

Somewhere on the web, there was also a “BruceWayneThighs” page, and a “BruceWayneJawline” one...Mmm, wondered who made those, eh ?

More effective than Kryptonite 

Everyone remembers the absolute SHOCK on his face when Clark first saw you slap Bruce’s butt. 

It was at the League’s headquarters, of course. Not long after they discovered that Bruce had kids, AND a wife !! 

They were having an important meeting on a world class threat, when you arrived. You had come to bring Batman some lunch (that in itself was quite shocking). And as you were about to leave, you just casually gave him a slap on the butt, and said : “see you tonight hot stuff”, and WHAAAAT ?!

It rendered Clark speechless for a good minute or two. As if he had been hit by a fist made out of green kryptonite. By multiple fists, even. 

“Did she just- did she- did- dshe-idshe-ddd-ugh ?” 

“Once again, you shine by your uncanny intelligence.” Bruce sarcastically said, annoyed by this reaction. He disliked, when people commented on his relationship (some would say : maybe don’t make it so public ? But then, some learned that it was better to just not upset Batman too much).

Diana almost killed Clark, when she said : “I wouldn’t mind if she slapped my butt.” 

Who were those people ?? The mighty Superman was about to have a brain fry, but then he noticed Bruce. Was he...pouting ? 

And was it because of Diana’s comment ? 

The woman was smirking mischievously, clearly pleased with herself. And the pout on the Batman was growing. 

That day, Clark decided to pretend as if nothing happened. On one side, because he couldn’t fathom the Batman getting his ass slapped by his wife, and on the other side, because him and said Batman had just become friends, and he didn’t want to make him pout further by commenting his personal life. 

************

Clark never got used to it though. 

Over the years, he saw you countless time slap your husband’s butt, but he could never quite register the fact that this was Batman. 

Right there. 

Batman. 

Him. 

🦇👨, himself. 

Getting his butt slapped (and clearly enjoying it, although he’d never let that comment slip as he didn’t wanna risk Bruce glaring at him). 

It was odd. At the same time, it made him more human. 

And though Superman would never get used to the idea of you just casually slapping your husband’s ass whenever you got the chance, he never thought it was something that you shouldn’t do (as weird as it sounded). 

************

To reassure Bruce, except for Diana who reenacted the “I wish that were me” meme, every single member of the JLA went : “👁👄👁” when they first saw you do it. 

They all got used to it, unlike Clark, but still. It was quite a shock, the first time they witnessed it. It was the way you did it so naturally, and how Bruce didn’t even react, that got them...

Unbeknowst to neither you nor Bruce, they all started to call that habit of yours “the batslap” (and thought they were very clever for their play on words...Butt slap, batslap...Oh yes, there was a reason why Bruce, was considered the smartest) 

“I will never stop, you cannot make me stop.”

Over the years, even after many “incidents” and “troubles” born from you slapping Bruce’s butt, it never even once came to your mind to stop doing it. 

It became one of those habits that was actually comforting to you. As if you and Bruce could be a normal couple sometimes, with your own little silly “inside jokes”. 

Hell, when he was sure no one was around, Bruce would literally put his ass out just for you to slap...because as odd and ridiculous as it could sound, it became one of those thing that made you, you. 

The woman he fell in love with.

Whom, even during the worst moments, would be there to cheer him up (and vice versa). 

The woman who never hesitated once to slap THE Batman’s butt. THE Bruce Wayne’s ass. How many people like that existed in this world, uh ? 

Yes, doing that got you a lot of time in troubles. Got you in delicate situations, in awkward ones, and even, a few time, dangerous ones (you didn’t wanna talk about it). 

But never, NEVER would you walk pass your husband without slapping his butt. Nothing could stop you from it. No one could, either. You’d always find a way. 

As you said all those years ago, it was as if your hand and his butt were magnetically aligned.  

Of course, you’d exaggerate greatly all that matter. You found it funny, really. Besides the fact that you just liked slapping his butt, that is. 

And Bruce ? Oh, Bruce wouldn’t have it any other way. 

His ass, was yours to slap. 

The end.

________________________________________________

Told you, it was gonna be dumb haha. Still had fun writing it. I’m getting married tomorrow, and took advantage of a chill time today before the mayhem to sit down a few minutes and write...I hope you enjoyed this story :). As per usual, comments/reblogs are beyond appreciated <3. Thank you for reading !

[greghatecrimes]

I had a thought for your baby thirteen au!

I always see house as the type of parent to have separation anxiety,so logically he'd take thirteen with him to the hospital and it'd actually go great,house barely had any contact with the patient so he could just chill and be silly with her while the ducklings took care of the patient

But this time it was different,the case got too complicated and he had to step into action,but he can't bring his baby daughter to an autopsy so he lets her in the care of the ducklings while he's in surgery.

Oh but little Remy isn't having none of that,she's restless and pouty and constantly asking for her daddy,but its when the water works start that the ducklings really panick

The quick solution would be take her back to her father but he was knuckles deep in someone's liver right now so they would be needing the next best thing

So they take her down to Wilson's office

I imagine one of them just barging into the room and handing her over to Wilson as she enthusiastically spreads her arms to him and saying "here,take her, all she does is ask for her daddy and we don't know what else to do" and leave with a very stunned Wilson behind.

What they didn't realise was Wilson had a patient a sweet old lady who misunderstood the situation and immediately assumed Remy was Wilson's daughter and she'd be all "aawn doctor Wilson your daughter is really sweet,whats her name?"

And before he can explain thirteen isn't his daughter she's just clinging to him and resting her head In the crook of his neck making that point very hard to believe.

"Remy,her name is Remy" that's all he'd say before keeping the appointment with the sweet old lady while holding a very sleepy yet content thirteen!

Anon, I cannot express in words how adorable this is and how much I love it!!!

I so agree w/you about House being a bit of a parent with separation anxiety. I think he'd be like 'well if she's with me all the time, then she doesn't have as many chances to get herself into something and then that eliminates the need for worry. if it works it works.' i think bby thirteen would have less separation anxiety than him when she's very little (lol) but he's definitely her favorite person in the entire world, and so of course she ends up missing him when he gets pulled away for something intricate on a case.

i haven't given thought to who the ducklings would be in the au (besides taub vaguely), but i LOVE the ducklings trying to fix things and failing, and being clueless and eventually taking her to wilson. of course they go to wilson. it would be even funnier if house and wilson are like, together at that point, but not publicly out/together yet? so the fellows don't know that house and wilson are in a relationship; they just know wilson's always with house and bby thirteen/remy, and that bby thirteen trusts him and adores him.

ough. her nuzzling into the crook of wilson's neck and clinging to him. and wilson inadvertantly saying/accepting that she's basically his daughter too. stepdad wilson!! i'm emotional and melting into a puddle.

House comes back from the autopsy to find his office filled with ducklings, but very childless. After the initial burst of panic and snapping at them "What did you idiots do? Where is she?!", he immediately goes to Wilson's office once he gets an answer from them. And he just stands in the doorway for a few minutes, watching Wilson do paperwork with bby Thirteen cuddled up to him, and House has the softest smile on his face. the kind that only comes out around wilson and his kid. and then he'd break the reverie to say to Wilson "Aw, you sap. you like her."

And Wilson looks like he's about to protest, but then thinks better of it because he glances down and sees Thirteen smiling up at him (because her dad's back! yay, both dads together!!). He grins a little and very softly says, "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

[thatdehydratedmedic]

How I wish I had studied during my A levels

I want to start by saying this is NOT a guide. If anything, It comes closest to being a disorganized rant. Its basically what I would tell myself if I could go back in time. I wrote down that I’d also slap my past self. But my better judgement suggests that I should be kinder to myself. I’d give her a hug. She did the best with what she had when she finally tried, and I applaud and thank her for that. She was so brave and so, so, kind. I truly appreciate her effort. If not for her strength I would not be here today. Here’s a kiss to her forehead. I celebrate the immense trust she had in God and her love for me. My love, past self, you were so strong, I love you. You feel more and more distant from me every day, and yet you burn bright, scarlet red. You truly were a teenager full of rage.

1. Past papers

Past papers are the BEST resource for scoring good marks at A-Level. They provide a great insight into the question types as well as prepares you to answer questions in the way that examiners expect you to answer for them to give you a good grade. Doing past papers will help familiarize yourself with patterns and will make you less likely to suffer from exam anxiety later on. Regretfully, I barely did any past papers, especially at A2 level. For each subject I did, I can count on one hand the number of papers I've done. I did do quite a few Dhivehi HSC papers. (SSC papers also help for Dhivehi HSC btw)

2. YouTube videos

YouTube videos are great if you're looking to improve your understanding of a specific concept. This is especially helpful fur biology and math. Personally, I did not use YouTube at all for chemistry, however, I am inclined to believe that many would find it helpful and really urge everyone to make good use of it. When I was cramming for my A2 exams and had only about 2 weeks left I realized the sheer amount of content I had missed as I had skipped so many classes. I do wish I had at least started watching YouTube videos to catch up on the syllabus a bit earlier.

3. Skimming through textbooks

I do not have much to say regarding textbooks except that when I thought it would be useful, it wasn’t – and when I thought it would not be useful, it was. I assume that’s just my misassumption. I most likely some of you will be more perceptive of when you should reach out for it. However, I did find that at times when I had missed many classes it certainly did help to go through the textbook after attempting a past paper to no avail. I mostly suggest just reading through the contents, learning outcomes and processes, as I found that reading the processes did indeed help grasp them better, such as the Kreb’s cycle and all the neuron and muscle processes. (I forgot them all, can you tell? Let this be a reminder to you to NOT procrastinate, get off TikTok and Genshin impact and start grinding)

4. Anki Cards

If you’re an aspiring medical student like me, I’m sure you would’ve heard of Anki cards already. If not, Anki is basically a flashcard app, like Quizlet but better. I would get into the details but everyone always says the same thing and I do not want to sound like a broken record. You should look it up and when you do, you’ll see what I mean. Regardless, I found Anki especially helpful for Biology and Islam. These 2 subjects are memorization heavy, and although people do say you should not use Anki to learn but should use it for recall, I digress. Use it however you want, and besides – I was way beyond saving at this point. When I was cramming for Islam just 3 days in advance, Anki was the way to go. Took 2 days to make the cards and memorized them all on the last day. Don’t do that though. Halfway through and I’ve forgotten what the title was. What I would’ve done differently. How silly. I would’ve made cards early and actually used the cards as I should have. But if you’re like me and procrastinate like a little bitch, don’t fret. You’ve still got this.

5. Paying attention in class and not being late

I’m not going to pretend I regret missing math class. Maybe a little because I ended up failing (getting a B) but not enough to make me cry. (Lies.) But anyways, for a class that was 45 minutes long, I showed up 30 minutes late. Math was always first for the entire year. And for a night owl like me, this meant that there was nothing you could do to make me get to school on time. I am a changed person. I promise I go to work on time no matter what now. But back then I only had 2 things in mind. Have fun and get rest. That was not a good mindset. I was spaced out the entire class. I do regret this. Everyday, every week, every month, for 2 years, I paid almost 0 attention in class. On the rare occasions which I did, I learnt so much, unless I was scrambling to understand because I hadn’t paid attention on earlier days. For the lessons which days I did the classwork and participated during lessons, I found that I had an easier time understanding them later on. Genuinely, if anyone reads this, I’m sure you’re laughing at this paragraph because who even states such an obvious thing right? Well, back at you, my friend. Sometimes we do need the obvious to be stated in bold and highlighted in yellow.

6. More religious – focus on what matters (SKIP THIS IF YOU’RE NOT MUSLIM!!)

As you can already tell, I was a very irresponsible little bitch during my A levels. Too With 0 discipline, I was not as religious as I wish I had been. Albeit I did pray Tahajjud almost daily, I was very lost in the worldly life. I was not focused on my Akhira at all. This led me to living very freely and without regret. However, the numerous distractions couldn’t put a will to live inside me. Although I had been outwardly very happy and outgoing, it was a depressing time. Only a few levels above rock bottom, but that’s a story for another day. I did reconnect with Allah close to A levels. Not because I wanted good grades but because I had gone too far away. In the end, my closeness with Allah helped me to regain my motivation to study, and was the driving force to start cramming, even in the little time I had. If I could go back in time, I would recite Quran for an hour every day, and do my dhikr in addition to Tahajjud.

7. Wearing less makeup

As you might have already guessed, I was a pretty shallow person during that time and made sure to have a full face of makeup every day. This is not to say that you become a shallow person if you wear a full face of makeup every day. It is only my personal experience that when I wear makeup, it’s usually for shallow reasons. I would spend hours every day getting ready even after waking up late. In essence, my priorities were all jumbled up. It’s not that I would wear less makeup, but I would not place such high importance for my looks, especially over my studies. Studies would come first, looking good will come after. Besides, who cares if I’m pretty if I fail my finals? As a young girl, I cared too much.

8. Quality over quantity in friendships and leave the romantic pursuits for later

As someone who had been bullied almost my whole life, I was thrilled to finally learn how to get along. I made many friends during A levels. This new found sense of belonging did not translate well in my academics. I was distracted. I prioritized my friends more than my studies. I became more confident in my romantic pursuits as well. In the end, I lost sight of what mattered the most and ruined my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to change my life. I failed my parents and my family. I failed myself.

9. Believe in myself

I used to loath myself terribly. I guess to an extent I still do. This is entirely my own fault I suppose, and it wouldn’t matter if it did not affect anyone else. Unfortunately, my lack of self esteem has disappointed my family and teachers. Everyone except me believes in me. This is not a blessing but a curse. Because this has only led to me disappointing them all. At the end of the day, I am despised for being lazy. I avoided attending classes, self-studying, doing any form of practice or revision for months because I was terrified of failure. Insecurity turned to self-sabotage. The humiliation I failed in the end was greater than what I would have if I had been honest with myself to begin with. I will admit, a lot of these issues came from the fact that my teachers and parents called me a gifted child. Without offering any guidance or support, this so-called ‘love’ suffocated me. I was afraid of not meeting their expectations. They couldn’t possibly know I was not the brightest child ever if I never tried. Their comments always seemed to swing between two opposites. Sometimes it was, “It’s okay. You’re doing so well and you’re barely trying.” And when they would decide to no longer look at me through their eyes of mercy they’d say, “You’re arrogant. You’ll never make it. You think you can do it but we know with that little effort you can’t.” How ignorant. I believed I would never make it, regardless of whatever effort I made. To this day I do not know what life would be like if I had worked hard with confidence. Do me a favor, dear, reader, and let me know. The alternative is turning out like me, btw.

10. Maintain a healthy lifestyle

I’ve never been to a psychiatrist, but I can confidently say I have mental issues. I assume its depression but what would I know, I’m no psychiatrist. I am always tired, dehydrated, sleep deprived and starving. Oftentimes I shiver and I am constantly cold. I shake with anxiety in the face of people. Nothing seems worth spending my time on. I never exercise, I am always in bed, rotting. That is until I go to work. Have I mentioned I work at a hospital? Although I work shift duties, this work has given me a sense of routine. I enjoy speaking to patients. Even on my worst days, I find that helping people gives me a sense of accomplishment and goal. I lose track of time. I am so engrossed I don’t even realize when the day passes by. That said, I believe a healthy life style would greatly benefit anyone. Get enough sleep, drink enough water, eat well, rest and move. My caffeine-addicted-back-broken-ass with no sense of day or night anymore won’t. But you definitely should. I won’t, obviously, but if you do it will only be for your own good.

As I've already mentioned, this is not a guide in any way, and is not meant to be used as such. This is merely myself reflections and what I wish I had done differently. These are my flaws I wish to change going forward. That said, it would make me happy if this ended up helping someone out, somehow.

[mylittleredgirl]

Least favorite Star Trek character in each series?

i love all my children equally how could you do this to me!!!!

slightly more rational answer: i have been thinking about this since yesterday when i got the ask and it's like every time i think i have an answer i immediately go "oh but i love them for XYZ" and they move up in the ranks. ultimately most treks are ensemble shows and removing anybody from the ensemble makes it all fall apart!

gun to my head, though, bearing in mind that i love all of them:

tos: gun to my head it's chapel i'm afraid and i feel bad about it. she doesn't really get to grow much and the other most-static character is probably chekov and i had a massive crush on him. in 1967 when they went "you know this show should add a mop top for the teenyboppers out there" they were talking specifically about me 30 years later.

tng: i would take the bullet for real.

ds9: man i'm going through main characters and then secondary characters and then tertiary characters and how are they all so essential and good????? literally i have gone thru a list of characters and a list of episodes and am coming up blank. even the villains are fantastic. eddington is annoying but he's supposed to be and his episodes are all great. sloan himself is fun it's just what section 31 did to star trek in general that sucks. like????? there's not a single name that shows up in the credits that doesn't make me go YEAHHHHHH.

voy: if we can count recurring characters i'm saying barclay. i liked him a lot as a character in tng and but go "for fuck's sake" whenever i see "guest star dwight schultz" on the voyager credits. i dislike pretty much every earth-contact episode after "message in a bottle" so maybe i don't like voyager-barclay because he just happens to be there?? for main cast it'd be neelix shut up shut up i love him in the ensemble but sometimes when they give him his own episode it's too much.

ent: sorry malcolm lovers this was the only show that was an easy choice. like we SHOULD dig into the fact that essentially his greatest wish is to sacrifice himself and he won't be happy until he dies on the job. klingon behavior but not at all for the fun and glory of it just because he kind of just doesn't enjoy being alive???? archer is terrible in so many ways but he's also much more enjoyable to watch being terrible.

disco: this is actually a very weird show to even know who to choose from. the cast changes every year! we barely even know the bridge crew! who is interesting enough to count as a main character?? of the main title cast i'm kind of hot and cold with adira. i like them but the sheer amount of anxiety radiating off them at all times makes me tense up whenever they come on screen. (i just realized it's kind of ironic to say adira because they're basically a mix of wesley and ezri, who would probably make this list for most other trekkies but are two of my absolute faves.) (i will think long and hard about this)

snw: i don't know that i have enough of a read on any of them? i still haven't finished it. chapel (again?? oh no) is the one i had the hardest time warming up to early on because she seemed the most wink-y and out of place in a franchise that usually takes silly things very seriously, but i did warm up to her!

lower decks: if we can go with guest characters i hate badgey (only one on here that gathers the "hate" rating!!). i don't find him (it??) funny and i know i SHOULD find it funny which means whenever it shows up i am both not having a good time and feel bad about not having a good time. the main characters are all brilliant. gun to my head it's boims but it's a close one i love them all.

i don't even know what other shows we have i've run out of steam???

oh right picard. captain shaw??? why is such a large subset of fandom so horny for him??? and shipping him with seven of nine of all things???? is it just White Guy With Trauma because there are like. a lot of other white guys with trauma in this franchise to choose from.

[kiefbowl]

I'm messaging you because your answers have always been so well written and grounding. I also hope to get some input from other women that have experience with or advice for what I'm dealing with.

How does one deal with feeling ugly to the point where one avoids almost all mirrors and cries after looking at candid pictures of themselves? Since getting into radical feminism, I've stopped wearing make up and shaving. I've also seriously picked up weightlifting so I'm quite muscular (not ripped though). Physically, I'm the healthiest I've ever been but most of the time, I feel like a monster.

I've always had some kind of body dysmorphia so I cannot even be sure how objective my view of myself is. The only times I've felt "beautiful" where when I had anorexia, wore make up, shaved and dressed in a feminine way.

But... I don't want to *need* to feel beautiful. I could never get myself to starve/wear make up/shave/dress up again, I just want to *be*. Why does simply *being* cause me so much anguish? Why do I hate "being perceived", why do I give it so much importance? How do I stop caring about what others, especially people I don't even like/know, think about me? It also does not help that I'm het-partnered. Sometimes I feel like the only thing that can heal me is to escape to a remote forest, literally not being perceived by anyone for some time. Is this something that just needs time? I'm turning 26 this year, I feel like this problem should have stayed with teenaged me :(

Idk idk... maybe it's time to consider therapy. Sometimes it gets so bad I cannot leave the house. Thank you for any help and I'm sorry to offload this baggage. I would love to hear any radfem-aligned advice :(

I think you should follow your instincts about therapy. I wish I could come up with some amazing new words strung in a way that's going to alter your life, but I don't think I can. I can tell you that if we met, I wouldn't think you're ugly, I'm positive about this even though I've never seen you. I can tell you that I personally know many women who can leave the house no matter what they look like, including me. Not all of those women are happy about it, but they still can. I can tell you that ultimately, I don't put a whole lot of value towards "beauty" for myself, but I'll admit not every day is easy. Generally, I find it easy, but even still I have days where it isn't, despite everything else I believe. You're not alone in that regard.

Not being able to leave the house is something I would consider debilitating, it's something you should take seriously. Even if it's only once in a blue moon, it's more than me. It's more than most people. Most people can leave the house when they need to even in their deepest despair, so if you really can't because you're afraid of how you look and feel about your image and how you're perceived, I would call that debilitating anxiety. It's not frivolous, it's not silly, and you deserve to be well.

When searching for therapists, if you choose that route, look for licensed psychologists or psychiatrists. both can have a talk therapy practice, but generally speaking psychiatrists can prescribe drugs while most psychologists don't (depends on the state and other factors). Many people sell "counseling" without necessarily being licensed or having a doctorate. It's not necessarily wrong, but I would recommend going with someone who's received their doctorate for actually therapy. Remember, that with talk therapy, that's a relationship you're building with your therapist, it can take time to come up with strategies that work for you as they get to know you. Talk therapy might also not be for you, in which case seeing a psychiatrist right away might be a better option as they might get down to the brass tacks and seek a diagnosis quickly, though they might want to prescribe something to you quickly. Weigh these options down, but I do think talking to someone and getting an opinion with a professional will help you. Just like with any medicine, you're allowed to seek out second (or even third or fourth or more) opinions.

I really hope you can find some peace. I'm rooting for you. Keep striving, sis. <3

[the-whispers-of-death]

i would honestly want the lions and my ocs to meet. like they're this semi normal group of people (with their traumas of course) meeting this cesspool of traumatised, cannibalistic, barely human, critter infested group of barely sane people (we know who the cannibals are and the critters are Selga an Void) (neither Boss nor Romanas are answering any questions)

in particular i'd want them to meet Selga and/or Void. like in Selgas case he's this dude with constantly blood shot eyes, always trembling (he doesn't get to hold guns) and acts just barely human. like the group and the lions are working together and they have to leave Selga with the lions for one reason or another and oh boy. Selga has quite severe separation anxiety and being away from his team is not so good (if one of them satayed with him he'd be wrapped around them and hissing at anyone who tried to approach) he would find the deepest darkest crevice and hide there but he would probably be instructed to not hide from their new allies so he'd stay in the open but would be very tense and guarded. he would probably be instructed to "be nice" that means no hissing, growling or biting so he kinda.... doesn't do anything just sits there and trembles. he'd also be quite scared of the lions because they're so large and tall and as i've said multiple times before Selga, despite being decently tall and strong, is skinny and not as big as them. he was also very traumatised so seeing a bunch of big men who could do god knows what would trigger a fear response (as viscious as he is most of it comes from fear and trauma) before the group left for their whatever Romanas was litteraly on his knees in front of Kali promising him whatever favor he wants if he does him the favor of making sure Selga eats following a specific schedule (he gets fed more often than others due to being underweight)

i can see Selga slowly warming up to Sarabi first lol he can sense the kindness. Selga would be like 👁️👄👁️ at Sarabi and slowly approach him while he wasn't looking (if he looks over Selga freezes and moves again when he's not looking) Selga would make lots of those cat chirps and "ekekek's" that cats do (he's trying to "talk" to Sarabi) if they ever got close enough to touch or hug Selga would be snuggling Sarabi so close because he's always cold so being close to a big warm body would be bliss. he also does this thing where just plasters himself to someones back, not hugging or holding just resting against it. maybe he's just being silly, maybe he's guarding who knows

The Lions truly are normal people who are just traumatized. They're so normal even compared to Stone who is a recluse and is so paranoid it's not even funny. Nala is so normal that he has a wife and twin daughters, you cannot get more normal than that.

But they're all trying to be friendly to the group, especially to Selga. They let him hide, with the exception of Kali coming in every now and then to make sure Selga follows the eating schedule Romanas told him about. Romanas wouldn't even have to beg Kali to do it in exchange for a favor, as soon as Kali hears Selga has a specific eating schedule, he's like "So do I also need to take a bite of each food so he knows it's not poisoned/drugged?" (Yeah, because Kali is used to Stone's paranoia surrounding food and so he's like totally fine making sure Selga eats at the times he's supposed to.)

Sarabi is at first very confused as to why Selga is so slowly approaching him and why he stops when he notices Sarabi looking, but he just lets him do it. He tries to cat chirp back at Selga as best as he can, because Sarabi would try and communicate however Selga wants. He's surprised when Selga attaches himself to him though, because is he supposed to hold Selga to make sure he doesn't fall off his back??

Sarabi is just... confused.

[donteattheappleshook]

His - A Captain Swan AU Chapter 4/10

Summary

Mature widower with good home wishes to make acquaintance of a hardworking girl or widow. No children. Object matrimony.

When Emma Swan flees scandal in New York to marry a man she’s never met in Storybrooke, Montana, she doesn’t have any illusions of finding love. But when she’s picked up at the station by Killian Jones, it finds her regardless. Despite sharing his home, his bed, and his heart, she can never truly be his.

Read it on Ao3 (where my italics work...)

Catch up on Tumblr 1 2 3

Thank you thank you thank you @elizabeethan and @the-darkdragonfly​ for all your help with this fic! the best pocket friends and besties an girl could ask for!

******

Part 4

“There you are,” Killian smiles when she finally comes outside to meet him. 

She’d stood in the kitchen for a long time, turning the comb over between her hands as she considered it, tracing her fingers over the flowers. She wanted to wear it. Of course she did, it was beautiful, a gift from someone who had cared enough to notice that she’d coveted it. But she didn’t know what it would mean to wear it. Was it just a simple gift from one friend to another, from a son to his father’s wife? Or was it something more, something inappropriate that she couldn’t even let herself consider. 

“Oh, you found it,” he says, then frowns as she continues to turn it over in her hands. “Is something wrong?”

She shakes her head no even though there is - or at least, there could be. “It’s lovely. You shouldn’t have.” 

“Of course I should. I haven’t given you a wedding present. I know there wasn’t time for a celebration or gifts so I thought you should have at least one.” Emma lets out a sigh of relief. A wedding present. A gift to celebrate her marriage to Brennan. Something perfectly sweet and acceptable. She feels silly, idiotic even to have read more into such a kind gesture. 

“I hope it’s alright,” he adds when she doesn’t answer. “It’s only that I noticed you admiring it in the shop…”

“It’s perfect,” she promises and his anxiety begins to fade. 

“I just thought you might like something nice. I know that you must have left behind a far more glamorous life for rude cows and nothing but fields and mountains. A bit of a step down, I’d assume.” 

“I like the fields and mountains.” She gives him a small, hesitant smile. “Your family and your home aren’t a step down. My life in New York wasn’t nearly as glamorous as everyone seems to think it was.”

He considers her for a moment. “I suppose I don’t know much of your life before you came here. You just showed up one day in your pretty dress from the big city and sent the whole town aflutter,” he smiles. 

She returns it as best she can, wondering how much of that life she’ll be able to keep secret, if the scandal will follow her all the way out here. “Thank you for the gift, Killian.”

Killian nods, hesitating as though he can tell she’s keeping something from him, but he only smiles again. “Would you still like to see some more fields and mountains?”

He takes her along the property line, walking the length of the fence, the other side of which, he explains, belongs to the Mills family. “She gets very austere about borders. She’s tried to report us to the sheriff a few times for encroaching on her land,” he rolls his eyes. “Best to avoid her if you can,” he cautions. 

He walks her along a creek that he explains is also a property line - that he and his brother used to play here when they were children and hiding from chores. They’d make ships from paper or sticks and race them down the stream until one of their parents found them. “It’s still a good spot to swim on a hot day.” 

They come across a herd of cattle, Robin and David waving to them from astride their horses. “What are they doing?” 

“Making sure nobody steals them.” Her eyes widen. “And catching any that run off.” 

“Does that happen a lot?” 

He shrugs. “From time to time.”

“Where’s your father?” Were these not the fields he was speaking of? 

“Plowing around the back pasture. He prefers to work alone most days. Happy to complain about the lack of help though,” he rolls his eyes. “At harvest we take on a few temporary workers.” A somewhat awkward silence settles between them as she wonders how often Brennan complains about Killian not being able to help with farm work. “Come on, I think you’ll like this place,” he promises, gesturing further out across the field. 

He takes her to an orchard, rows and rows of trees in full bloom offering a little shade from the day’s heat. It’s beautiful, brilliant green everywhere, deeper than the fields and the hills, spotted with pink and yellow. “This was mine and Liam’s favorite place when we were boys. We used to see who could climb the highest. The sweetest fruit grows at the top.”

Emma smiles. “Who won?” 

“Me, of course.” 

She laughs. She should have expected that. “My friend Lily and I used to climb the apple trees that grew behind the orphanage and sneak some back to our room. We always got in trouble for it though.” Her smile doesn’t fade at the memory. It was always worth it. 

It’s a moment before she realizes she’s mentioned the orphanage, something she usually doesn’t tell people about, and he’s watching her carefully as they walk between the branches. 

“Well, there’s nobody to get you in trouble for it here,” he says. And maybe she imagines the challenge in his words, in his raised brow, but regardless, she decides to rise to it. “What are you doing?” he asks, smile amused as she kicks off her boots. 

“What does it look like?” She takes hold of a low branch. The trees aren’t very tall, nothing like the ancient pines that she can see growing in the mountains, but she’s out of practice, heaving herself up clumsily. The last time she did this she didn’t have a corset. 

“Emma…” Killian laughs as she continues to climb. “Be careful.” 

She scoffs. “Afraid I’ll beat your record? Or was your bragging about your climbing skills just talk?”

“I’ve got one hand!” he laughs and she rolls her eyes. Alright, it’s a decent excuse. She continues, making her way up to the higher branches, until any higher would be too thin to support her weight, and shimmies out onto one of the sturdier ones, reaching for the ripe peaches that grow above her head. 

“Catch,” she calls, picking one and tossing it down to him. When he catches it with ease she throws down a few more and beams at him. Emma takes a moment to enjoy the world from up here, the sun brushing her skin in patches between the leaves, the breeze warm and the air sweet. It’s the freest she’s felt in a long time. For a few minutes, she feels like herself again. 

“Are you stuck?” Killian teases from below. 

“No,” she answers immediately, almost offended, before realizing… she might be. 

He chuckles. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” No. 

He huffs another small laugh, rubbing one of the peaches on his shirt and taking a bite, waiting. “You know,” he says after a few moments. “I’d hate to leave you out here but someone has to make dinner if you’re going to spend the night in a tree.” 

“I’m fine,” she says, snippy against his teasing. She just needs to figure out how to get down from a tree without breaking her neck or hiking her dress up in front of a strange man. She probably shouldn’t have climbed the damn tree in front of a strange man in the first place. “Just… turn around,” she orders and he smirks but does as she asks. 

Right. Well, the tree isn’t that tall anyway, she reminds herself, throwing a leg over from where she’d been straddling the branch and sitting, looking down warily. It’s not that high. 

Killian whirls back around at the sound of her small shout, reaching her just in time to see her land on her ass on the soft grass. 

“Are you alright?” he demands, kneeling next to her and placing a hand on her shoulder, then her cheek to make her look at him. He looks a little frantic and she almost laughs. 

“It was nothing.” She notices his empty arms then. “Did you drop the peaches?” 

He looks back at the small pile behind him. “I thought you were hurt.” 

“I risked my life to get those!”. 

“I thought you said it was nothing,” he smirks. 

“That was before you threw them away.” 

Killian laughs, shakes his head and stands, retrieving the fruit and handing one to her as she makes her way back to her feet. “Here.” 

“Thank you,” Emma says, dusting her hands off on her dress before taking the peach from him.

“What are you going to do with all of these?” he asks, arms full of the fruit she tossed. 

She picks another few from the lower branches, makes a basket from the top layer of her dress and tucks them in it. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll make a pie.”

“You know how to make pie?” 

Oh, right. “No. But there’s a recipe in Granny’s book and I think I could figure it out.” 

“One afternoon with the woman and you’re ready to take over her business.” 

“I’m not afraid of a challenge,” she shrugs. 

“Oh, I know,” he teases, stepping closer and her breath catches at his nearness. His hand lifts to her hair and the corner of his mouth pulls up as her heart races traitorously. Then he plucks a leaf from her braid, holding it out in front of her with an amused smirk and her face flushes in embarrassment. 

It’s all in your head, she reminds herself. Stop imagining things as more than what they are - things that aren’t even there. 

“Should we head back?” he suggests, flicking the leaf away. Then his expression grows more hesitant. “We can circle around to the eastern field if you’d like to see my father before he comes in.” 

Emma thinks of the way Brennan had dismissed her offer to visit him this morning and his unpleasant mood before he headed out. “Let’s not bother him. I should get started on dinner anyway.” A better meal than yesterday’s is her best shot at improving the impression she’s made so far on her husband. By Killian’s silence as he agrees and leads them back in the direction of the house, he’s likely also remembering his father’s harsh rejection.

“What do you grow out there?” she asks to break the awkward quiet that’s grown between them. 

“Wheat mostly. There’s corn as well but it’s for the livestock and doesn’t take much tending.”

“I thought it might be nice to start a garden,” she suggests hesitantly. “Grow some vegetables in the patch out front. It would make it easy to tend while I’m working inside.” Emma looks at him out of the corner of her eye to try and gauge his reaction. If he thinks it’s a silly idea then there’s no chance Brennan would support it. But his son might be able to convince him to agree. 

“I think that’s a brilliant idea,” he smiles. “I could help you dig it up - if you need help.”

“Help would be great, thank you.” She’d already planned ahead, ordering vegetables that grow easily from the store today that she could use for meals and then keep the scraps for replanting. “You’re sure you don’t mind? That Brennan won’t?”

There’s concern in the way he looks at her. “You don’t have to ask permission to build a garden on your own land, Swan. It’s your home too now.” 

“Right,” she answers, knowing he means it but not so sure she believes it yet. She thinks that if it were only him, then she would already be beginning to feel she belongs. But it isn’t, and she doesn’t, as badly as she may want to. Wanting for something to do, she takes one of the peaches from her skirt and takes a bite, surprising herself and Killian when she lets out a stunned, “holy shit.” 

Killian’s brows raise in surprise before he bursts out laughing as she flushes deep red at her language. Mouth still full, she forces herself to finish chewing and swallow before she explains. “I’m sorry. It’s just, you weren’t kidding. These are amazing.” 

“Aye, well don’t eat all of them,” he warns. “I was promised pie.” 

“Yeah, well, you might have to go climb some trees if you want it that badly.” She slips one into her pocket. 

“Are you stealing peaches?” 

“It’s for Jewel.”

“Swan, that animal is big and lazy enough. She doesn’t need your help growing so large she can’t fit through her stable door.” He shakes his head. “Wasting perfectly good fruit on a horse, really.”

“I thought this was my home now,” she argues, catching her smirk between her teeth as she uses his words against him. “Doesn’t that mean these are my peaches and I can do what I want with them?” 

He laughs, something in his smile softening the teasing humour they’d fallen into. “Aye. It does.” 

***

She makes one of Granny’s recipes for dinner, roasting meat, potatoes and vegetables the way the old woman had shown her that morning, adding herbs in generous quantities that she’d given Emma from her own stock. Herbs, she thinks, she’ll have to keep some to plant in her garden as well. She smiles a little as she cooks, thinking of the little patch she’ll dig up, the friends she made today, her stomach churning with anticipation tonight rather than nerves as she waits for the men to come in to eat. 

While her husband offers no compliments for the meal she serves, he doesn’t complain. Eating without comment, he mutters about the lack of help he was given today in the field - most of it directed at his son who, along with the farmhands, have been nothing but flattering in their opinions about their dinner. 

“You could hire another farmhand,” Killian tells him, another old argument from the sigh with which he suggests it. 

“With what money?” Brennan snaps.

“The money you bring with you to the tavern every night.” 

“I know some lads in town looking for work,” Robin suggests.

“I’m not paying for more help. I pay you two enough that I shouldn’t have to!” 

“It takes two of them to mind the cattle,” Killian reminds him. “We can’t risk losing any more like we did last year.”

“So I should just do all the work myself?” he argues. “What use are two farmhands who spend all day standing in a field and a cripple son who sits around reading books and calls it work?”

“I could help,” Emma offers quietly, hoping to diffuse some of the tension, hoping to find another way to be useful. 

“With the field?” Killian asks, but Brennan scoffs.

“Look at her. She can barely lift a bag of flour let alone handle a plow.” 

“You said you wanted help,” his son reminds him.

“Aye, help, not a woman who I’ll have to bring back when she faints from exhaustion.”

“Father.” 

“What? It’s not women’s work.”

“I’m not sure what other option there is if you don’t wish to hire someone or let Mrs. Jones help,” Robin points out as politely as possible. 

“I’m not sure I asked for your opinion, Locksley.” 

“No you just want to complain about not having the help you refuse,” Killian mutters and Brennan’s fist comes down hard on the table, jarring her. David sets a gentle hand on her arm, comforting, but she can also feel the suggestion in its weight: don’t get involved. 

“I won’t abide being talked down to in my own house by my son and the help,” he spits, standing brusquely, grabbing his jacket. “I’ll be at the tavern. Spending my coin however I damn well please. You best not be here when I get back,'' he warns them, slamming the door behind him and leaving the room in silence. 

“I didn’t mean to -”

“You didn’t do anything,” Killian says before she can finish apologizing. “It’s his own pigheadedness that-” He stops, takes a deep breath, calms himself. 

“Sorry, Mrs. Jones,” Robin sighs. “We’ve ruined your perfectly wonderful dinner.” 

“No, I’ll just…” She moves to gather their plates, flustered and needing something to do. “Does… does anyone want dessert?” 

The resounding yes makes her smile despite the tension, turning away to hide her flush, busying herself with serving plates of peach cobbler - pie had turned out to be beyond her skillset after all - bringing them to the table. The discomfort that had built over the course of dinner slowly dissipates as they eat, Brennan seeming to have taken the anger out the door with him. 

When Locksley and Nolan have retired for the night, she broaches the earlier subject carefully with Killian. “Do we really need another farmhand?”

“Aye, probably,” he admits, setting dishes down in the washbasin despite her protests that he doesn’t need to help her clear the table. “But the work gets done without one. I don’t know how much longer he can keep it up though with the state he’s in - it used to take three of us.” 

“What state?” she asks and he presses his lips together like he’s said too much. “Is he ill?” she asks, remembering his coughing fit from this morning.

“The doctor hasn't found anything wrong with him. He just says that he needs to cut back and give his body a chance to recover or he’ll run himself into an early grave. ”

“The work?” 

“Aye… and the rum. 

“Oh,” she says, looking towards the door where her husband just left for the tavern.

“I’m sorry,” Killian frowns, pinching his brow. “I keep speaking without thinking tonight.”

“I… is it serious?” she presses, fingers curling into fists, nails digging into her palms as she considers the possibility that her husband - who’s already not a young man and was supposed to provide her with a home and security - may be drinking himself to death. “Should I be worried?” A terrible fear of finding herself a widow so soon after marrying creeps through her, of being left again with nowhere to go like so many times before. 

“Hey,” Killian says, reaching for her hand, opening it and keeping it in his. His thumb runs over her knuckles soothingly. “You don’t need to worry. He’s too stubborn to let death get the better of him. And should anything happen…” His finger brushes against her palm as if unwittingly. “You won’t be left alone,” he promises. “I’ll take care of you.” Her heart catches in her throat at his words, racing at the declaration before he quickly corrects himself, dropping her hand. “I mean, we will. Liam and I. We won’t leave you to fend for yourself.” 

Emma’s smile is awkward as he reaches to rub at the back of his neck, clearing his throat before announcing that he should probably get the animals settled for the night. She watches him leave, the feel of his calloused fingers against her own still lingering like a reminder. 

Stop imagining things that aren’t there. 

‘I’ll take care of you.’

***

As she lays in bed later, staring at the ceiling, her husband’s side empty for the second night in a row, she reflects on how drastically her life continues to change in such a short period of time. A week ago she was Emma Swan, governess to a wealthy family in New York. Yesterday she was Emma Jones, wife of a farmer twice her age. And today, she’s married to a farmer twice her age who’s ill from a vice he won’t give up that may leave her as just Emma again, widowed and alone. Only she won’t be alone - Killian had promised. But the thought of losing her husband whom she’s only just met, whom she’s so determined to win the respect and appreciation of, is troubling to say the least. 

There’s so much she wishes she had known before she made those vows to a stranger she still doesn’t know. So many things she wishes she’d thought to ask, too focused on fleeing her own heartbreak to consider that the life that awaited her may hold even greater challenges. Maybe she should have stayed in New York. Scandal would have walked in her shadow, and she’d probably never have been able to find another employer, but she’d have had her freedom, the option to walk away. Instead she’d chosen to run. 

So when her husband stumbles into their room hours later, reeking of drink and slurring before collapsing, unconscious on the bed for the second night in a row, Emma wars with the mixed feelings of relief and despair that toil within her. This is not the life she’d have chosen for herself, but she did choose it, and now alongside her regret is a desperation to hang onto it less it be ripped from her hands too soon. It’s not the sort of fantasies she’d let herself dream up when she was young, and even for a little while when she thought Neal loved her. But for all the turmoil and uncertainty, there’s goodness - things and places she’s becoming accustomed to, a routine she’s learning to settle into, people she’s growing fond of - and she’s not ready to lose it just yet. 

***

When she makes her way downstairs the next morning, she’s not surprised to find Killian already in the kitchen, the smell of coffee wrapping itself around her and warming the room. In fact, as she’d tiptoed quietly across the hall so as not to wake her husband, she couldn’t fight the anticipation of another morning of quiet conversation, of lighthearted teasing and banter before the sun could shine through the windows and bathe them in reality. 

The few solitary moments alone she’s had with Killian have been a godsend in these overwhelming first days in Storybrooke. And while she promises herself it’s just relief at having a friend, someone she can talk to - confide in even - the way her heart runs rampant in her chest when he looks up and smiles at her like he’d been anticipating her arrival too, leaves her a little less certain. 

When she notices the cup left out on the counter for her next to the kettle, she tries not to read into the considerate gesture. He was late picking you up because he stopped to help Granny, she reminds herself. He’s considerate of everyone. That’s just the kind of man he is.

“Good morning,” he greets, moving from the counter to the table, setting down a fresh loaf of bread and butter and taking a seat. The kitchen still smells like baking and she knows he made it himself. “Breakfast?” he offers. “There’s eggs on the stove as well though you might have to heat them.” 

Emma gives him a mirthful smirk. “Have you left me any of my duties?” 

“I thought I would give you a hand - so to speak,” he grins, waving his prosthetic. “That way your morning is clear.”

“Clear for what?” she asks, taking a seat and helping herself to bread. His is better than hers and she’ll have to ask him for some advice on that. Though, from the way she can see the muscles of his forearms shifting under his rolled up sleeves as he moves, his hand nearly twice the size of her own, she thinks it might have more to do with kneading and brute strength. She busies herself with picking apart her breakfast, forcing her attention away from him. 

Killian leans in conspiratorially. “I wondered if you’d like to come with me to the bookshop today.”

“Yes!” she says too quickly, giddy like a child at the thought of joining him in town again, of not being stuck in the house alone doing chores all day. “Do you think Brennan will mind?” 

“Mind what?” her husband demands gruffly, joining them earlier than she’d expected given his condition last night. He’s slightly more alert than he was yesterday and she thinks perhaps he may still be drunk. Brennan takes a seat at the table, waiting expectantly before demanding, “Am I supposed to serve my own damn breakfast?” with an annoyed frown at her.

Emma hurries to the stove, warming the pan and getting a plate ready. She can see Killian about to say something but she shakes her head. She doesn’t want them fighting again, not this morning when she so desperately wants him to agree to let her go. 

“Mind what?” he repeats, eyeing his son suspiciously now. 

“I was offering to show Emma the shop today. It might be worth it for her to learn how to run the place and handle the books should we ever need the extra help.” 

“What, you planning on going somewhere?” he demands. 

“No. But if you need an extra hand in the field at harvest I can free up Locksley or Noland and watch the cattle.” Emma can predict his comment and clearly Killian can too, adding, “I can sit on a horse one handed.” 

Brennan grunts as she sets his breakfast down in front of him. “Like I said, so long as the cooking gets done and the house is kept I don’t care what you do.” Despite the sting of his indifference, she beams at Killian over her husband’s shoulder. “Don’t know how you’ve got the time though. If you’re short of work there are cows that need milking and eggs that need collecting and those bloody chickens don’t catch themselves. I suppose you spent your days whiling away where you came from but there’s no room for laziness on a farm.” 

She gives Killian another pleading look to stay silent when she sees his temper flaring and to her relief he doesn’t speak, only clenches his jaw and fist, glaring at the table. “Of course not,” she tells Brennan, placatingly. “I won’t go if it gets in the way of my chores.” 

They sit and eat breakfast quietly, the lack of conversation loaded and awkward, until her husband stands, finished with his meal. He walks out without a word as he had the day before, no goodbye or see you later or kind word for his new wife. Emma sets to cleaning up, bringing the dishes to the sink. Killian helps her without comment and she doesn’t argue with him this time, too disappointed to care. She shouldn’t have gotten her hopes up.

When they’ve finished, Killian holds out a towel, hanging from the tip of his hook with an exaggerated bow and it makes her smile as she takes it. “Come on,” he tells her. “We don’t have much time to waste.” 

“What?” she frowns.

“We’ve got cows to milk and eggs to fetch, and honestly I’d be fascinated to see if you could catch a chicken - or at least I’d very much like to watch you try. We’re short on entertainment around here,” he smirks and she flicks the towel at him, making him laugh as he twists out of the way. He pulls out his pocket watch. “We still have about an hour until we need to leave to open the shop.” 

Emma can’t fight the way her grin splits her face. She could hug him. She nearly does, but instead catches her lip between her teeth, nodding excitedly and letting him lead the way outside. For all the uncertainty this new life has brought her, all the anxiety, it’s nice to know she’s got one thing she can count on. Her fingers fiddle with the comb in her pocket, tracing the flowers carefully. He pretends not to notice when she slips it into her hair.

******

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[dragonlord-emrys]

Hi, it’s the doggie anon! Thank you for such a kind, generous answer 🥺

I’m working on a (highly scientific) theory that every dog has a personality that matches with a character from Winnie the Pooh, and mine was a Piglet all the way: small, sweet, gentle, affectionate, loyal, and very timid around anything or anyone new (also cutely round in the torso and skinny in the legs).

She was meant to be my mom’s dog, but she sort of picked me instead, although she loved everyone in my family. There was and is something really precious about that to me, being chosen. I’ve never been anyone’s favorite, except hers.

At first she slept in my parents’ room, but after they went to bed she kept sneaking out through the dog door and coming around to the sliding glass door in the kitchen, where I’d hear the tap-tapping of her little nails politely asking me to let her in. She started sleeping in my room after that. She was my buddy and I got so used to hearing the pitter-patter of her little feet following me around the house that I think I took it for granted sometimes.

One of her funniest habits when she was younger was doing these loud, high-pitched shrieks of excitement when we came home from being out. She was so happy to have her family back home again. (She also did this when my dad played the harmonica.) Another funny habit of hers was jumping onto a kitchen chair, and from there onto the table, and helping herself to any food or crumbs she found there. I still remember that image, walking into the kitchen to find a small, suddenly guilty-looking poodle on the middle of the table, licking a plate. She was a silly girl, but such a good one.

Thank you again for inviting me to talk about my dog. If you feel up to it, I would so love to hear about yours too 🌼 Hugs!!

Thank you for sending such a kind message in the first place 💕 And I love hearing about your dog! She sounds like such a sweet and fun little lady! 🥰🥰🥰

Oh yesss, being chosen by a pet is a hundred times more valuable even than being chosen by a human. A feeling better than winning the lottery. Hehehe, the cheek of her to wait until everyone was asleep to sneak out <33

(I know exactly what you mean about missing those little tip-taps of claws on the floor. My dog developed separation anxiety as he got older, so I was being followed around constantly. It's very strange now. And the nights have become eerily quiet. Where's the snuffling and the snoring 😔)

Hahaha, that's so adorable that she shrieked when your dad played the harmonica! Do you think she was happy about the music, complaining about the noise, or trying to join in? 😂

I adore your theory about dog personalities. But I'm afraid I can't really place mine ? Probably because my knowledge of Winnie the Pooh characters is lacking. Maybe you can do a remote diagnosis :D

My little Benny was full of mischief. His first act of deception? Transformation! When we got him as a puppy, he was pitch black with brown paws. One year later he'd turned silver grey with light beige paws. No one wanted to believe that it was the same dog. Absolute rascal!

We always teased him for being a little drama queen. He hated water. When it drizzled he would take two steps outside, do an immediate u-turn and try to get back into the house. No matter how urgently he had to pee, it could wait. And I told him, after he had braved the rain, what a poor little guy he was for getting wet and toweled him off especially well, which he relished in. He loved getting pampered.

He had the soggiest, wettest poor-little-meow-meow look on his face when he had a tiny little boo boo or had to endure something that made him uncomfortable, but whenever he had an actual reason to be mopey, illness or injury or post-operation, he was really brave and would bear it exceptionally well. No massive soggy eyes. (These last few days of his especially he was so brave and strong <3)

Normally, he wasn't the brightest cookie in the jar, but he could be really cunning when it came to stealing food. Once in the middle of feeding time, he walked to the front door, started barking like mad as though someone had rung the doorbell, so my other dog shot out to the hallway to join him. He quickly stole back into the kitchen and ate all her food. Creating a diversion to trick my other dog to leave her bowl was a feat we hadn't thought him capable of, but clearly we underestimated his intelligence.

Another time he stole my greatest culinary creation, a waffle tower (several waffles stacked on top of each other with layers of jam in between). I left it on the coffee table, walked away for 20 seconds, came back and the entire massive thing was gone. Only thing left was Benny, gulping down the last bits of waffle like he was a snake trying to unhinge its jaw to eat a cow. He definitely knew to pick his moments of opportunity.

When he was younger, he loved to play with scrunchies, loved to pull them out of our hair when we were lounging with him on the floor. We'd make a big show of telling him off in a silly, exaggerated voice, which only increased his joy of stealing scrunchies and shaking them in his mouth, throwing them in the air and chasing after them.

He had a spot on his forehead right between his eyes that always smelled like powdered sugar. Conveniently also the best spot to dig your nose in cause the fur there was just sooo soft <3

He was such a sweet cuddly dog, inquisitive (to the point of being nosey - he literally had to poke his nose into everything to investigate, probably checking whether it was edible lol), < insatiable, a bit clumsy, loyal and affectionate to boot. He always did a tippy tappy dance with his front paws when he was excited, which happened so very easily.

Aaah, I waffled on and on. If anyone is still reading this, hee thanks. I'm rewarding you with a picture - evidence of mischief caused.

Can you see how utterly innocent he is? It seems the pillow jumped on its own.

[ladyseidr]

@rosanimemuses asked: ❝ munday odd numbers ❞ ( munday meme )

When did you start writing on Tumblr?

I started writing on an old, old single muse blog in October of 2018! I feel like most people have been roleplaying here a lot longer, but I roleplayed elsewhere prior to that despite being on tumblr generally since I was ~14.

3. Who are your longest rp friends?

My early earliest are @adcthamilton and @florietiae, but I also of course count you and @ahogedetective among my longest friends here too!!! I love all of y'all so much <3

5. Least favourite thing about roleplaying?

Oof, honestly it's nothing to do with other people, 99% of other people are lovely here. To be blunt, I hate how it often has to go on the backburner due to my mental health. I really don't have a least favorite outside of that.

7. NOTP for your muse?

I don't have a ton of NOTPs (outside of like, obviously gross stuff). Plus, what I consider a NOTP fandom-wise isn't always a NOTP with trusted mutuals in roleplay, if that makes sense? Like, I really dislike the fandom vibe around Shu.ichi/Kae.de and I don't generally ship it, but I'm more than happy to explore it with a trusted mutual. Same goes for, like, William/Van.essa on @spring-lxcked (tho I still won't ship Glitch and her).

9. What are some differences between you and your muse/muses?

This varies hugely between muses, but I'd say like. . . every muse I've ever written is more confident than me LMAO. Beyond that it's very, very muse specific. For example, muses like Frederick, Kok.ichi, and William are way more antagonistic than I could ever be, which is honestly fun to explore lmao.

11. Would you write with duplicate characters? How do you think your muse would react?

Generally I love writing with dupes with a different muse of mine. In fact, I personally find that writing with dupes helps ease any duplicate anxiety I might have. However, I'm usually not big on writing dupes against one another. There's exceptions to that, of course, but overall it's not something I'm usually interested in.

13. What’s one random headcanon about your muse that people mightn’t know?

Me when I post every headcanon the moment it pops into my mind. Honestly I can't think of any that I haven't talked about.

15. What do you look for in a rp partner?

When it comes to deciding to follow? That our writing style and rules are compatible + that they have muses I can see myself interacting with. Beyond that? Nice, shows interest in our stuff (talking in tags, showing excitement generally, liking posts, etc), and not super judgmental/negative toward others.

17. Least favourite trope?

I know I probably have something I don't like, but I can't think of anything I fully, always hate off the top of my head.

19. Do you listen to music whilst writing? If so, what kind of music?

Usually, yes. Either Lo-Fi or my extremely chaotic instrumental playlist. Lyrics usually throw me off lmao.

21. Are there certain characters that you gravitate towards?

I answer this the same every time but complex characters kfsdhfkshajskd. Like, the more complex their mindset / morals / actions, the more I am in love with them. I legally have to explore the complicated shit that comes with that lmao

23. Do you ever get jealous when rping? How do you handle this?

I firmly believe everybody does and anybody saying they never do is lying lmao. Honestly, I don't really do anything? I feel it, acknowledge that it's silly, and just. . . move on. It's not a constructive feeling.

[amysubmits]

So @tinybitsubby had made a list of questions that you and a partner could discuss. # 19 has kind of been stuck in my head. Curious how you would answer it.

19. Are you holding back because you fear judgement?

I agree that's a great question to ponder within D/s!

I struggle with rejection sensitive dysphoria, and I'm usually a really reserved person (though I imagine that may sound crazy to some who follow this blog because I'm not very reserved on here...idk, this is a weird space for me that breaks my norm, haha).

But anyway - I'm pretty reserved with most people and it doesn't even feel like 'holding back' to me, because it doesn't take conscious effort to hold back, it's just my natural state to hold things in.

CD has always been one of the exceptions for me. I am less reserved with him than I am with anyone else, by far. And yet even with him, there have been times where I have realized I've been holding back. On occasion, I've had realizations but was consciously worried about sharing them because of my own insecurities, but later told him. In other cases, I really wasn't even aware that I was holding back until something happened to help me to see it.

When looking back over time, I think I've continued to hold back less and less over the years. Most of it was communication-related. I used to think that saying less was correct or 'good' or whatever, as a sub. CD has always wanted to hear all of my thoughts and feelings and has encouraged me to share more than I thought I needed to, or 'should' in some cases. Over time I've learned that our D/s thrives when I'm really honest and vulnerable...so my voice has continued to grow in our relationship.

But yeah I think where I'm at now is that I don't intentionally/consciously hold back anything but I still have patterns of just naturally not being inclined to express some of my feelings that would be beneficial to express, even if I don't "need" to. For example, I used to only ever express the need for reassurance if I was almost panicking and couldn't manage my anxiety on my own. The last year or so, I've gotten to where I can request reassurance MUCH more freely, and that's really beneficial. Or another example, I used to rarely express my desire for sex with words. In part because it just doesn't come super naturally to me (I'm sure trauma, shame, etc is actually at the root of this but it feels just natural to me because it's all I can remember being), and in part because I thought being 'too' assertive would come off as less submissive, but I've found that it's good for me personally and for our relationship if I express my desire with words more.

And one last thought because I'm incapable of answering an ask without giving 100% of my thoughts... 🤣

I've occasionally seen other people talk about how they think that the ultimate goal of D/s communication should be 100% unfiltered sharing and immediate sharing. That they see that as the most 'honest' and therefore the best. They see waiting to process your thoughts/feelings as holding back'. I am very much for honesty, but I think sometimes our immediate emotional responses to things aren't actually our most accurate feelings.

To give a silly example, if someone accidentally steps on my toe, my first thought might be 'you son of a bitch!" but that doesn't make it my most honest feelings about what happened. My most honest feelings are more like...that really sucked, it hurt like hell, and I wish that didn't happen, but I know it was an accident and I don't have any ill-will towards you for accidentally hurting me. And that kind of a thing can happen with disagreements and other situations, too, of course. So my personal goal isn't to never filter myself at all with CD. I sometimes need time to process my knee-jerk feelings to find my more accurate/honest feelings, and also to find a calm and respectful voice and I value keeping our communication safe and respectful more than being completely unfiltered.

Thanks for the question :)

[weraceasone]

so happy to see you happy at work!! like yeah tell us more abt it!! brag it!! own it!!!

hi sweet anon!! I wanted to wait to answer this ask until I actually had the time to answer it properly 🫶🏼 (and I felt like I also wanted to give an update on my whole uni-dropout-story, because I actually haven't done that in a while so here we go).

first of all, thank you for saying that, that's so nice!! it's funny because I feel like I am most famously known for hating work, like. maybe I sound really lazy or entitled when I say this but if I didn't have to, I just literally would not work, because I just don't like it. that sounds terrible, doesn't it?

however, I feel like I always put so much pressure on myself in the past to get it right somehow anyway; to find something I thoroughly enjoyed, which was also something that earned me good money and felt socially acceptable (as in: I felt pressure to do something that was the highest achievable for someone like me) and that's probably why I felt so stuck when I was still studying. because I did not like it. everything that's like, a really good paying job and a position that people will be impressed by, requires you to work at least 40 hours a week and sit in an office and answer emails in your free time and that's simply everything I hate, because I just don't like working.

now I'm in a situation where I have a job that doesn't require me to do any work after I've finished work because it's kind of difficult to board an airplane from my house and they do send emails but it's literally only weather updates regarding airports in other countries (and I have to admit I haven't read any of them in like two weeks). I work at extremely odd hours but that also gives me so much freedom, like I'll have the whole afternoon off on a random wednesday and for me personally, that works so well because I get overstimulated easily and I feel like in this way I actually have time to calm down and feel okay again before I see friends/start my next shift/anything really. and what makes the waking up at odd times so worth it is simply the bonuses you get, I only have to work around 30 hours to achieve a salary that's comparable to a 40-hour work week. how insane is that!! (also it feels like such an unserious and silly job. I have a friend who works at a bank and that sounds sooo serious and then I'm over here telling people that no, they're not allowed to bring a hamster on an airplane. it's so silly)

and I feel like by dropping out of uni, I also took off the pressure for myself to know everything about how my life should and will be. I just put so much pressure on myself to have it all figured out, and now I just don't know. I have a job that is enjoyable enough for me to stick to it for the foreseeable future, but if I want to do something else in the future I'll just find a way to do that. also, I have completely stopped worrying about what other people think of my job and whether it's is socially acceptable enough or not (none of my friends cared when I dropped out and none of my family cared. so, why should I care what anyone else has to say about it?). this realisation completely solved my anxiety honestly, I haven't felt nauseous for such a long time, whereas before I literally could not eat for months because of my anxiety. for now, I'm just sooo glad everything worked out and I'm earning good money and I can save up and I actually have time to do the things that I want in my free time like I'm so happy with that!! I can't believe I was fighting for my life during that uni course only five months ago, when it feels like a different life now.

this got so long and also made me realize I need to stop and be grateful a little bit more often, so thank you for making me realize that anon!! I hope you are having a great day🧡

[prophetparadox]

DMC OC Week 2022  Day 4: Fears and Weaknesses

(Sorry, no image for today, nothing I have is fitting for it)

Are ya’ll ready to be sad? Because it’s time to be sad @dmc-oc-week-specialedition! Kay’s got quite a bit of fears and weaknesses and I tried to throw them together into one story to the best of my ability! My poor, silly eyepatch girl is not okay.

I’ve also managed to work some lore into this, some of you will know what it is but some of you won’t. Don’t worry if you don’t though, things will be explained in time. The fic is underneath the cut, I hope you enjoy, well, if you’re not crying that is.

Oh, uh, content warning for death, I think? It’s nothing severe, but just as a warning.

She found herself surrounded in darkness.

Kay couldn’t remember where she was, or how she’d gotten here, but she had a sinking feeling in her gut. It felt cold, even with her jacket on. What was this place? And why had she been brought here? Well, there was no point standing around and doing nothing. Her questions wouldn’t be answered that way.

She walked forward, wherever “forward” even was, her footsteps echoing as if she were in some kind of cavern or large room. She continued walking, yet it felt like she was going nowhere closer no matter how far she went. “Hello?” she called out, the echo of her own voice the only answer she received back. “Is anyone there?”

There was no answer.

She kept moving.

She figured this darkness had to have an end eventually. Whatever this place was, it couldn’t go on forever. It was the only thing moving her forward by this point. But she’d have to find something. A door, a tunnel, a set of stairs, anything would do! She just had to get out of here.

Out of the corner of her eye, she managed to spot it. A flickering light in the distance. Could this be it? Her way out? But wait…it could just as easily be a trap as well. She could be walking straight into danger for all she knew. Still, she couldn’t stay here in the dark forever. She had to find answers, and if that meant walking into a trap, then so be it. Slowly, she walked towards it.

As the light grew bigger, Kay couldn’t shake off an increasing sense of dread. Sure, she’d figured this could be dangerous, but it didn’t explain why she felt so on edge all of a sudden. A distant rumble reached her ears, and for a moment she froze. She knew that sound, it was thunder. But there hadn’t been any lightning, not that she could see at least, nor had there been any rain. So where did it come from? And why now, of all times?

No, she couldn’t let this get to her right now. She had to leave. Clutching her arms for a sense of security, she resumed her walking.

The sound of thunder only increased her looming anxiety. What would be waiting for her at the end of this darkness? What waited for her beyond the light? As much as she wanted to know the answers, she also feared them. But the only way she’d know for sure is if she moved onward.

The light, originally just a flicker, burst before her eyes. She covered her face to keep herself from being blinded, but it didn’t seem to get much brighter like she expected it to. She removed her arms from her face and looked forward, the sight before her leaving her frozen in fear.

The office…Devil May Cry…it was ablaze.

No, no no no, this couldn’t be happening! How did this happen?! Her home…it was burning. Again. It wasn’t the same home as before, but it was burning all the same. But why? Why was this happening?! How did Dante let someone-

Wait…where was Dante?

Panic surging through her, Kay rushed into the burning office. She didn’t care if she got burned, the wounds would just heal later anyway. They always did, whether she wanted them to or not. The front room of the office was empty, save for the burning furniture and trash that littered the floor. This was bad, where was he? Where was anybody for that matter? She didn’t remember hearing anything about him going out on a job, and he always told her when he was leaving. He had to be here somewhere, but that was what worried her the most.

She dashed towards the kitchen, hoping she’d find someone in there and that maybe this was all just caused by a failed attempt at cooking. But as she slammed open the door, no one was there. The flames burned just as brightly as they did in the main office, but it didn’t seem to originate from here. “Dante?!” she called out as she stepped into the lobby once more. “Can you hear me?! Say something!”

Her pleas fell upon deaf ears.

She ran towards the stairs, praying to any deity who would listen that Dante just couldn’t hear her because he had headphones on or something as she climbed them. She ran to the other end of the second floor, opening each door one-by-one hoping she would find someone. If not Dante, then maybe Trish or Lady or Morrison or Nero, she didn’t care who so long as she found somebody.

The bathroom was empty, as was Dante’s mess of a room. Only one room remained, her own. She stood in front of the door, her hand shaking as it hovered over the doorknob. That feeling of dread was stronger than ever before. Something told her that whatever was behind this door, it was something she didn’t want to see. But she had to try, she had to believe that someone was there and alive and that this wasn’t a repeat of that night all those years ago.

She gripped the doorknob and swung it open. What she found made her gasp.

Everyone…was dead. Amongst the flames, she could see the bodies of everyone she knew. Dante, Lady, Nero, Patty, Kyrie, everyone she held dear to her heart was nothing more than a lifeless corpse bleeding out on the floor. In the middle of all the death and carnage were two figures fighting each other, though one of them clearly had the upper hand over the other.

Kay’s heart sank. She already knew who those two people were, and she knew she had to stop them. But try as she might, her legs wouldn’t move. She was frozen in place, unable to do anything no matter how hard she tried. Why couldn’t she move?! Did that bastard’s presence really have this much of an effect on her?

“STOP THIS, PLEASE!” she cried out, but it was too late.

The figure who had the advantage had bested his opponent, stabbing him in the chest with his blade. The other became lifeless, slumping over the sword as his cane dropped to the floor. The victor scoffed, removing the blade and letting the body crumple into a heap on the ground. V’s body lied there unceremoniously, while the red haired man turned to face Kay, disgust in his eyes.

“Pathetic. You can’t even raise a hand to stop me can you?” he sneered. Thunder roared from outside as he made his way towards her. “Even after all this time, you still can’t do anything right. You couldn’t even stop me from ending the lives of your so-called ‘friends’. You’re just as useless as you were when you were a child. You’re weak, helpless, a waste of oxygen and a dismal excuse for a life.”

“No…you’re wrong…I…” she tried to speak, but finding herself in his presence again made her feel so small all over again. His words made her truly feel helpless.

“This is all your fault, you know,” her tormentor continued. “If you just didn’t exist then I wouldn’t have had to do this. I had to kill innocent humans alongside these disgusting demons. Their blood is on your hands now, hybrid.” He spat the last word out as if it pained him to even say it. “Why couldn’t you have just died like you were supposed to? You cannot win, not against me. We both know that, so just let me end your miserable existence already. You were the biggest failure of them all, and you always will be.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

Her hand moved before she could stop it. She could feel blood coating it as it passed through something. He stopped talking as he fell to the floor. Kay should’ve felt relieved, he was dead and she’d finally avenged everyone. But then she looked at her hand.

Not only was it covered in blood, but it had changed. Long, bone-like claws had replaced her fingers. She’d lost control of herself, the demon was unleashed.

She screamed, and then suddenly her eyes were open.

It wasn’t real. It was only a dream. She told herself that over and over, but it didn’t help settle her breathing or her rapid heartbeat. She felt a cold sweat travel along her body.

A hand touched her shoulder, and she turned to see V, wide awake and looking concerned. Before he could say anything, she held him closely and buried her head in his chest. Even if she knew it was only a dream, seeing him alive felt like such a relief. She tried to hold back her tears, but ended up sobbing into his chest anyway. She’d had dreams like that before, but never with him in it.

She felt his arms pull her closer, but instead of comfort, she felt her worries intensify. Yes, he was alive and well now, but in a few days from now…he’d be gone. Unless she could do something. But she didn’t even know where to begin. Why did her dreams have to remind her of this cruel fact of reality? Her fears were bad enough as was, she didn’t need a reminder that one of them was so close to coming true.