thinking about the expert masseuse Alfred hired for the family that is paid a small fortune annually to provide massage services and ignore so, so many things. No questions, no remarks, just quality service and an ironclad NDA that, if broken, would probably topple said masseuse’s entire family line.
Things Alfred is paying them to ignore, in no specific order:
Bruce’s spinal hardware courtesy of Bane :)
weird amounts of muscle on everyone, even the kids (despite them allegedly not working physical jobs)
scars
FRESH scars
the fact that every joint in Bruce’s body clicks when moved/manipulated at the tender age of 42
Olympic athlete level physiques
rotator cuff injuries across the whole family
scars that are definitely from bullets and/or acid splashes
old signs of what looks like torture (Bruce)
Dick’s entire left arm is basically screws and plates (he “fell really bad” once)
every single family member takes deep tissue massage with max pressure with 0 complaints
calluses
no really, the weirdest fucking calluses
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this is possibly the funniest terf take i’ve ever seen. trans people, hate to tell you this but buying clothes is actually capitalist and you should stop /j.
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okay so post epic odyssey where odysseus and Penelope have surfaced from their room finally and he and diomedes are catching up I'm imagining the conversation going something like this
Odysseus: so then I gave up being merciful and became the monster.
Diomedes:....you tried being merciful?
Odysseus: Yes?
Diomedes: you did? You tried being a good merciful person? You?
Odysseus: Yah okay fuck off it was polties dying wish. I had to try.
Diomedes:.....90% of the war crimes in the Trojan war were suggested, planned out, and carried out by you. We literally stoned to death the guy you had a personal grudge against. We framed him for treason and stoned him to death. 70% of why Athena liked you was because she thought she knew all the ways to kill someone and then you'd suggest something insane and I'd see her taking notes. You literally gave Ajex a psyoctic break just being yourself.
Odysseus: shut up
Diomedes: I'm not wrong. Did you tell Penelope about your attempt to be a good person?
Odysseus: What? Of course I did. I told her everything.
Diomedes: did she laugh?
Odysseus:...shut up that's not the point
Diomedes: she did didn't she!!!
Odysseus: ANYWAY eurylochus wasn't appreciative of my return to monsterhood and he started causing problems so I
Diomedes: killed him? Yah saw that coming. No shit. I'm so shocked.
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yeah twink shen yuan this hunky binghe that, in all honesty the image of some scruffy awkwardly tall lanky mid 20's nerd with a half shaven tired face standing next to a seemingly perfect almost androgynous gorgeous beauty of a man is 5x more hilarious, bc imagine witnessing an absolute supermodel influencer (who's known to be a ladykiller) crying and clinging to some guy who looks like he's on the verge of having a midlife crisis at only 24 tiredly patting said supermodel's head and in a deep dead pan voice saying, "no dumpling, you can't murder that girl just because she said my xianxia themed legos were stupid." like you can't tell me that the stark contrast and impact would be nearly the same if it were your typical twink sy and hunk binghe.
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The Summoner
So! Danny is not the Ghost King.
But he still has a good relationship with a LOT of Powerful and not-so-powerful Ghosts in the Zone. So much so that they have given him their Summoning Circle's with a blanket permission to Summon them any time. Not like they have much else going on...
This all leads to a hilarious situation where Danny can't use his Powers for whatever reason and is forced to Summon his friends for help. In front of a group of Heroes.
He has to explain everything to them, but accidentally convinces them that he has Summoning Magic and the Ghosts are all on his Contract. He also mentions Saving people from Ghosts and the JLA realize that he is a child Hero.
They ask him if he wants to join Young Justice, and Danny hesitantly agrees.
Now Danny is on Young Justice and the entire team thinks that he is a Hero with Ghost Summoning Magic.
And his name isn't Daniel "Commit to the Bit" Fenton for no reason.
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Truly something how comforting the LOTR movies continue to be after 20 years and eighty million watches.
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"Eddie was never gay". Eddie worked in the dispatch building and immediately got into a petty passive aggressive territory bitch fight with Josh, the other gay man in the team. Gay recognises gay <3
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okay but I actually do really wanna read about a situation where Bruce calls Aquaman in to the Cave to interrogate a fish from Gotham Harbor who was a possible witness in one of his investigations.
Arthur rocks up, squints at the fish, and then says “You know I can’t talk to fish, right? I just made that shit up when Barry asked me.”
Bruce:
Arthur:
Bruce:
Arthur: “Okay you got me, I’m just fucking with you, man. He said he saw your perp going north in a speedboat, twin engines, didn’t stop for a while.”
Bruce:
Arthur: “And also he likes your filtration system a lot.”
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