#who is really the one with self worth issues I wonder...

[enchanted-moura]

Pick a Bratz - Blessings coming for You🎀💖

Pile 1 - Sasha🌙👠

You will be making phenomenal strides in your financial life - money, career, your investments, your real estate plans, your stocks & your bonds will see a dramatic increase and expansion. This is my money pile, my trailblazers and record breakers. Your value is unmatched and you are a goddess sculpted in the image of the Divine, how you feel about yourself is tied into the prosperity you are able to conjure so be arrogant & audacious af.

You always look amazing and that desire to build your closet & wear more flattering sexy clothing shall come. You may find a new shopping outlet or a new contact that will grant you access to your dream pieces affordably. You may move into a new place where you have more room to beautify and decorate yourself peacefully. You will also begin to have new perspectives on a situation that's been bothering you, i'm seeing you cultivating more fun easygoing issues like whether to get that new bikini or new purse. I'm overall just seeing a more serene life, more ease and mental peace.

Another thing is you will gain a new hobby that will bring joy, a sense of accomplishment and new audacious opportunities.

Pile 2 - Jade👠💞

For you, there will be success in a project you are currently working on whether mentally, emotionally, romantically physically or spiritually. Whatever you are working on will be - be successful. I am getting that it could be more spiritual so you could be manifesting something opulent & grand- well you are going to have it and have it in exquisite abundance. I get rich vibes, driving downtown in your Bentley Truck with your shopping bags and pink milkshake looking like a million dollars with perfect hair and beauty. I'm seeing you gaining something soon like a new car, home, entrance into your dream program, tickets to your fave concert, dream vacations just something extra dreamy and extra auspicious.

I'm also seeing hints at a romantic relationship, one that could be starting in such a luscious enigmatic way. I'm just seeing so much magical wonderful connections being made, you're really in a magnetic era where people are so drawn to you, you are highly attractive and desirable. You're beautiful, gorgeous, creative and unique. People want to know your story, your vision. Be open to love and let your heart guide you.

Treat yourself like the queen you are with compassion, grace but also authority. Do not let yourself become a debby downer or powerless. That sabotaging voice in your head saying that you're stuck and hopeless is a lie, rebuke it. Walk high for these grand titles come with responsibility, you're a queen so act like it and claim those blessings.

Pile 3 -Cloe🦋💖

For Cloe's pile, I'm seeing chances at a thriving new relationship - whether that be romantic or platonic. The relationship coming to you is deeply healing, a love that will restore, one that will bring improved confidence, feelings of desirability as well as life expansion. Your partner will have a penchant for life, for fine dining, for generosity and for pampering you like their princess/prince. You may have a princess aura and attract knights & princes who view you as absolutely perfect and wonderful. They can't wait to bring romance into your life, into you for you are so so deserving and perfect.

What else is coming for you is improved self esteem, confidence and a renewed and healed self worth. You are going to really step into your identity for you are a living legend. You are going to realize in the mirror that you are powerful, gorgeous, soulful and sexy. That you are just as desirable and wanted as the women you admire. There's a new you coming out.

You may also start to make new friends particularly benefiting from a Goddess sisterhood. This Goddess sisterhood will consist of women who enjoy wellness, self-care, building & encouraging each other. You will find your mirror in those you surround yourself with.

Pile 4 - Katia✨💋

For you pile 4, it seems like you will have a reconciliation with someone from your past. There will be periods of healing and forgiveness and they may explain to your their absence and standoffish behavior. It may be an ex or relative, but the key for this pivotal moment is to heal and move forward. You never deserve how people treat you.

In such a healing time, you will really embrace your inner girly girl. You may be in your pink era designated to trying fluffy smoothies, Pink Pilates fits, brand new juicy couture fits and re-watching all the romantic chick flicks your heart desires. You are looking more and more gorgeous and put together and just seem so over the bullshit - the fake friends, the shady connections and poor communicators. You carry yourself differently, you're super mature and don't entertain $2 energy in others due to all the investment you pour into yourself.

In this time, you will be grasping new learning opportunities and shall expand your knowledge and skills. You may learn to cook a new recipe, creative writing, candle making - I'm really getting what you learn will be an income source for you. It will start off as a hobby but fast become something you can make thousands with

The world is at your fingertips, and your divine feminine soul sistas are rooting for you, so remember Baby Venus, to remain brave, empowered and that your hyper femininity is a gift.

Pile 5 - Yasmin💄💖

Creative, gorgeous, jawdropping and dazzling. Pile 5, you are the most creative pile and most certainly an uber feminine glittering goddess. You will be gaining the opportunity to heal yourself with pretty things such as crystals, cosmetics, perfume, herbs & luscious accessories. You may be gifted an exquisite piece you've always wanted. You will be accentuating your beauty more and more, people will come out of the woodwork to assist you, to help you and to love on you.

You may work in the service field, or in a world you no longer want to be in. You will gain unexpected wisdom from a surprising source, somebody will put you on to an opportunity that will change your life. That could be a financial hookup, an opportunity to be in rooms you've dreamed of or the chance to learn a life changing skill that increase your ability to profit and win.

You may have gone through a toxic situation with somebody maybe an ex friend or partner. You will find relief from pain and distress so be patient and compassionate with yourself during the healing process.

For more readings & content - https://linktr.ee/dollyhealing

[shikai-the-storyteller]

It's taking me ages to write this chapter because every time I look through old VODs / notes to check something, I come across moments like this that make me want to lie down face-first on the floor:

[Context: Pac commits to the idea of taking the Happy Pills so he can create a cure. He's about to write a note to Cellbit to explain his plan.]

Pac: If Cellbit puts himself in this position, it's worse for everyone, because Cellbit is smarter when it comes to coming up with strategic plans, so he is the thinking mind of the Favela Five group, so if he no longer has the mind, he’s not capable of solving this whole problem, you know? But if I put myself in this position to help Cellbit so he can get the cure... You understand? It's better if I'm the bait. Right? I can't- I can't carry things alone guys, I've already lost Mike [...] if I lose Cellbit and I alone had to carry things, I won't be able to. But I think Cellbit can manage better. He is more independent, and he has Roier. He has a husband. I'm trying to– to be lucid here, understand? That's all.

Date: September 11, 2023 || Timestamp: 03:10:10

[4theitgirls]

productivity apps for self improvement

pinterest

you know i had to include the ultimate form of social media. pinterest is one of the only truly peaceful social media apps out there and focuses on sharing photos to your themed boards. this app is everything if you’re into making vision boards, moodboards, beauty, productivity, and really anything else. there’s something there for everyone!

finch

this is a wonderful self-care app, in which you take care of a bird while taking care of yourself! this is my new favorite app. i use the free version and it is adorable. the app asks you some questions about your goals and how you feel about self care, and gives you some daily goals based on your answers, but you can delete and add goals of your own. the more you log in and track your goals, the more adventures your bird can go on and the more they grow. i recommend this app to absolutely everyone and i will never shut up about it.

gymshark training

this is a free training app including many different types and styles of workouts. you can search for workouts based on duration, equipment used, the targeted muscle, and so on. you can also add workouts and plans of your own and track your progress.

i am sober

this is my favorite app for if you have something you want to quit. this isn’t just for substances or alcohol, but can also be used for quitting sugar, skin picking, caffeine, fast food, and so many other things. you can track your progress, review your days, make pledges, and connect with others who are struggling with the same thing you are. you are also given motivational quotes and reminders when you log into the app. there is an option for a subscription, but i use the free version and have had no problems with it at all.

study bunny: focus timer

an adorable focus timer where you gain coins with every goal/time you accomplish something with your focus timer and you can spend your coins on cute little accessories for your bunny! the only real issue with this app is that the ads are kind of crazy, and it’s $15 a month to go ad-free.

flora - green focus

this app includes a pomodoro timer and plants a tree in a rural community based on how often you stay focused using the timer on the app. the app does not plant a tree unless you opt for their subscription, which is $2 per year and allows you to plant one tree for 120 hours of focused time. you can also plant a tree every 24 hours with the $10 plan.

focus to-do: focus timer&tasks

this app combines a pomodoro timer with a daily to-do list. the app is free to use, but includes additional features for those with a subscription, which is $3 for every three months or $9 for a lifetime membership.

balance: meditation & sleep

a great app that includes nightly reviews, meditations, and sleep sounds. this app has great reviews, but it’s worth noting that it’s not completely free. it includes a trial, after which is $12 per month, or $70 per year.

insight timer - meditate & sleep

just as it sounds, this is another great app for meditations, ambient sounds for sleep, and progress tracking. there are tons of free things included in the app, but if you want to unlock everything, the premium plan is $10 per month or $60 per year.

structured - daily planner

an app with great reviews intended to help organize your daily tasks into achievable goals and track your progress. the app has basic features for free, but also includes a premium subscription if you want to unlock all the features.

routineflow: guided routines

this app caters to those who have difficulties staying focused and maintaining a set routine by guiding your routine for you and managing your progress. the app gives you one routine for free, but if you want another, you would need to pay for the $30 annual subscription.

how we feel

a wonderful free journaling app developed by therapists and scientists for logging your emotions, talking to other users, and tracking your mood patterns.

gentler streak fitness tracker

if you’re tired of the constant work and grind mentality, this may be the app for you. this app takes a gentler approach to fitness by tracking exercise, giving encouragement, and notifying you if you are overworking yourself. the app itself is free, but certain features require a subscription, which is $8 per month or $50 per year.

glo | yoga and meditation app

glo is a highly rated app for yoga, pilates, and meditation. unlike most of the other apps listed, you can’t really access much on glo for free. to access the full courses, they offer two plans: $30 per month or $245 per year.

waterllama

another adorable app that lets you track your water intake with a cute llama! super motivating and is free for basic features. if you want to unlock all features, the subscription is $7 per year.

mindllama

made by the same people as waterllama, this app allows you to practice and track your meditation and breathwork practice with a cute llama! like waterllama, the app is free, but some features require a subscription, which varies depending on whether you want the premium plan, the anxiety relief plan, or the sleep focused plan.

daily bean - simplest journal

another super cute app that helps you track your days and moods. the app itself is free, but a premium plan is also offered, which is $20 per year.

schmoody: mood & habit tracker

this app aims to help you through depression, anxiety, and/or adhd by helping you track your habits, talk to other users, and give you the resources to get you back on track. the free version includes the “essentials” to support mental health and well-being, but they also offer a premium version, which unlocks more resources and personalized options. the subscription is $15 per month, $60 per year, or $100 for a lifetime membership.

meditation timer - zenitizer

this is a meditation timer that focuses on simplicity and organization while tracking your meditation practice. a free version is available with a limited amount of content, but a premium version is also offered, which is $3 per month, $20 per year, or a $50 one-time payment.

mineral - gratitude journal

this is a free journaling app that is secure in the fact that you have to use face id in order to access your journal. this app is definitely more simple, but effective nonetheless.

focus keeper: productive timer

this app is a popular pomodoro-style timer app. i’ve heard that this app works wonders for many people with adhd. the app is free, but includes additional content and features for those with a subscription.

[whytheylosttheirminds]

Don't Call Me Kid - chapter 1

(Rafe Cameron x Reader, series, 3.9k words)

series summary: You'd had a crush on Rafe Cameron since you were six years old, but he friend zoned you at every turn. Once shy and insecure, you found new confidence and self-love after high school. When your high school friends go on a reunion beach trip, Rafe finally sees what he lost, but he isn't going to give you up without a fight.

tropes: unrequited crush, glow up, she fell first/he fell harder

content: some angst, eventual fluff, slow burn, tomfoolery and shenanigans, drinking, fem!reader has occasional insecurity and body image issues

⇢ series masterlist

The drive down to Miami was idyllic. Windows rolled down, you and Carter sang along to the playlist you’d made for the trip and ate your favorite childhood snacks. Blue skies above you as Carter’s new Jeep flew down the coast, you actually started to feel excited for the week ahead.

Then, you pulled up to the Airbnb, and it all faded.

The second you saw all of Carter’s high school friends in the driveway, unpacking their cars and exchanging hugs, it all came rushing back. The way you felt like you never really fit in, how they’d tease you for being quiet, how the boys’ eyes would skip right over you in search of your sister.

Carter turned down the radio when she noticed the way you were biting your lip with trepidation.

“It’s gonna be fun,” she tried to assure you. “Promise.”

You put on your best fake smile, determined to make this a good week for her. After everything she’s done for you, if all she wanted in return was a fun week at the beach, you’d give her that. You pushed your anxiety down as best as you could and hopped out of the Jeep.

“Oh shit!” Topper called, standing at the open trunk of his Range Rover. “Is that who I think it is?”

He rushed over, sweeping Carter up and throwing her over his shoulder.

“Put me down, Top!” She yelped, not entirely convincing that she wanted him to.

He set her down and smiled wide at her, just as smitten as ever. She gave him a playful pat on the head, like a dog, and went to get the bags from her car. Topper’s eyes shifted over to you and his jaw nearly dropped to the floor.

“No way, Little Carter is that you?” He teased, using your least favorite nickname.

“What’s up, Topper?” You tried to sound unannoyed.

Before he could answer, still slightly gawking at you, another voice emerged from the front door of the house.

“Yo who is it, Top?” Kelce yelled down from the top of the front steps.

“Come see for yourself, jackass!” Topper shouted back.

Kelce hopped down from the top step and approached you in the driveway, throwing his arm around Topper’s shoulder.

“No fucking way,” he said, when it finally dawned on him who you were. He looked you up and down and added, “what do they put in the water at that fancy school of yours?”

“Smoothe, man,” Topper smirked at him.

Your cheeks burned, you rolled your eyes at them to try and seem unaffected. They had never talked to you like this before. The majority of your interactions with Topper and Kelce in high school consisted of them teasing you about Rafe and asking where your sister was. They never even came close to flirting with you, and now you couldn’t decide whether you liked it or not.

“Can you two stop drooling over my baby sister and come help me with these fucking bags?” Carter called to them from the back of her Jeep.

“Yes ma’am,” Kelce winked at you before going to help your sister carry in the hundreds of dollars worth of beer she’d made you stop to pick up on the way here.

“You assholes better pay us back,” she told them, passing Topper a couple of 12 packs.

“Okay, give me your sister’s number and I’ll Venmo her right now,” he responded with a smirk.

You actually laughed at that one, which caused his chest to puff out with pride. Boys had always been somewhat of a mystery to you, but these two were painfully easy. Their playfulness helped you relax a little, wondering if this week might not be so bad after all.

Once you were inside, you and Carter each chose your own rooms, all your recently opened trust funds allowing you to rent the biggest house in the neighborhood. After unpacking, you walked down to the beach with Topper, Kelce, a couple of Carter’s girlfriends, and a guy you’d never met.

Topper and Kelce introduced him as their friend from college, a frat brother. His name was Tom, he was on the taller side, brunette, super cute. The way his toned arms flexed in his sleeveless shirt was the first thing you saw, but his bright, dimpled smile is what really caught your attention.

When you told him your name, offering him your hand to shake, he held it for a few seconds longer than any of the other girls and Carter gave you a knowing look. You’d never wished so badly that you knew how to turn off your blush.

Once you got down to the water, you helped Carter set up the umbrella and volleyball net you’d brought. You played intramural volleyball for your college and had actually gotten really good at it, you were excited to play with Carter, who’d always wanted you to get into sports with her.

When everything was set-up, you started to take off the bathing suit cover you had on over your bikini, but quickly realized there was a problem.

“Shit, Car, did we even bring sunscreen?” You asked your sister.

“Fuuuuck,” Carter said with a careless giggle. “Guess we’ll just burn.”

“Um no, I’m not listening to you whine about your sunburn all week,” you scolded her. “Top, did you bring sunscreen?”

“I hate to say no to you, beautiful, but…no,” Topper answered.

“Great, so we have eight hundred Natty Lights but no sunscreen,” you huffed.

“Sounds like a perfect vacation to me,” Kelce joked, already cracking his first beer.

“I brought some sunscreen,” Tom offered helpfully.

“Ah, my hero!” you smiled at him playfully.

You could feel all eyes on you when you said it. None of them had ever seen you flirt so comfortably before, or really even heard you speak. This was the person you were at school, but they had never met her before. You cleared your throat, feeling uncomfortable.

“Could I borrow some?” You asked Tom, who appeared oblivious to the shift in atmosphere.

“Yeah, it’s up at the house, I’ll go grab it!” You watched him run up the beach, his toned back muscles flexing, Carter bumped her hip into yours.

“Five minutes and he’s already whipped for you,” she teased. “Told you this trip was a good idea.”

By the time Rafe finally pulled up to the house in his truck, all the rooms had been claimed except for the shitty basement, with its low ceiling and lone twin sized bed. After dropping his bags, scowling at the mildew smell in the small space, he filled one of the coolers he brought with some imported beers and white claws and headed toward the beach.

“Yo, Top!” He called from the back porch, beckoning Topper up from the beach to help him carry the heavy cooler.

“Jesus, what you got in here?”  Topper grunted, struggling to lift his side of the cooler.

“Nicer shit than anything you brought,” Rafe said. “I’m not drinking cheap gas station beers all week.”

“Fine by me man,” Topper added a second hand to the cooler to help him lift it.

As they carried the cooler down the beach, Rafe mocking Topper for his inability to lift his share of the weight, Rafe scanned the private section of the beach to take a manual headcount of his housemates for the week.

He saw everyone he expected, the same people that would gather at the island club every time there was a break from school, the party always finding its way back to Tannyhill. The same girls that hung around him and his friends in high school, Carter, who he had never gotten along with, Kelce, who he had seen just last week, and…someone he didn’t recognize.

The mystery girl was facing away from him, but he could still tell she was gorgeous. Her bathing suit wrap hugging her body, her shiny, bouncy hair flowing in the ocean breeze. She bent down to set up her beach chair and he nearly dropped the cooler. 

“Woah, man,” Topper laughed. “Now who’s got butterfingers?”

“Who is that?” Rafe asked sternly, ignoring Topper’s harassment. 

“Dude, are you serious?” Topper eyed him.

Before Rafe could ask what Topper meant, you turned around, looking up towards the house in his direction, shielding the sun from your eyes and smiling a big, beautiful smile.

This time, Rafe really did drop the cooler. It was you. He hadn’t seen you in four years, and nobody told him you were coming on this trip. Nobody told him you looked like that now, either.

Everything that happened between you was so long ago, but he assumed you still hated him. But now, you were looking right at him and smiling. His lips started to turn upward for a moment and he almost lifted his hand to wave at you, when someone bumped into his shoulder.

“Shit, my bad man,” Tom said, his eyes not even looking at Rafe, glued to you. He ran off and approached you, and Rafe realized with a punch to his gut, it was this random guy you were smiling at and not him.

Rafe and Topper dragged the cooler a bit farther down the beach, dropping it behind all the umbrellas. Rafe immediately grabbed one of his expensive IPAs and twisted it open, throwing back a sip bitterly as he watched Tom hand you something, you smiled and touched his arm gratefully.

Carter approached the boys and the cooler, following Rafe’s eyes to you. She twisted her lips, trying to hide her smile, everything about this day going exactly as she had planned.

“Hey, Rafe,” She smirked. “You good?”

Rafe looked at her, eyes narrow as he tried to catch her meaning. When he realized she had caught him staring, he cleared his throat and took another sip of his beer, trying to seem nonchalant. 

“Fine,” he mumbled.

Rafe reached in the cooler and grabbed a white claw, offering it to Carter. Things had always been chilly between them, though they’d still been cordial with each other. Aside from that big argument senior year which they never talked about. Now, it hung in the salty air so prevalently, your presence after all this time stirring up old tensions.

Carter accepted the drink with a thank you, cracking it open and looking back to you. Both Carter and Rafe’s eyes went wide when you took off your cover-up, revealing a barely-there bikini and the new body none of your high school friends had seen yet. 

Everyone on the private beach was staring at you, but Rafe was staring at you, his knuckles going white around his beer as he eyed you up and down. His heart pounded so loudly in his chest he was afraid Carter and Topper would be able to hear it. Then, when you handed Tom the sunscreen and asked him to rub it on your back, an unfamiliar feeling bubbled in Rafe’s stomach and crawled up to his chest. He glared at Topper.

“Who the fuck is that guy?” He barked.

Carter and Topper’s heads both snapped towards him, neither surprised to hear the usual edge in his voice, though while Topper looked at Rafe with concern, Carter’s face only portrayed pure amusement.

“Who, Tom?” Topper asked, watching as Rafe’s eyeline returned to you, starting to catch on to the source of Rafe’s irritability. “He’s a brother from Alpha Tau.”

“I thought this was supposed to be a high school reunion trip,” Rafe snapped at him.

“Wow, someone’s pressed,” Carter beamed at him, delighted in his discomfort.

“I’m fine, just didn’t know we could invite people, that’s all,” he insisted.

“Sure, Rafey, that’s all,” she goaded him.

Rafe and Carter gave each other a knowing look, Topper’s eyes flashing between them, utterly out of the loop.

“What did I miss?” He prodded.

“Nothing,” Carter assured him. “Let’s play chicken, you’re on my team, Topper.”

“Oh hell yes,” he dashed after her like an excited puppy.

Rafe ignored the interaction, eyes glued to you in the distance as you settled into your beach chair and pulled out a book, Tom leaving your side and heading toward the water to join the game that had started. Rafe smiled, of course you were reading while everyone else was partying. Maybe you hadn’t changed that much after all. 

The spine of the brand new book cracked as you opened it, you sighed happily, loving the sound. You rarely ever got to read just for fun, always so busy with schoolwork, and you were so excited to dig into the fluffy romance you’d bought off tiktok and turn your brain off.

But then, just as your eyes grazed over the first sentence, you heard a voice from behind you that made your sun-kissed skin go cold.

“Whatcha readin’?” Rafe asked, his tall frame casting a shadow over your sunbathing spot.

You had pretended not to see him when he arrived a few minutes ago, throwing your attention at Tom instead, who took it happily, no idea that he was just a distraction from the flips your stomach was doing at Rafe’s arrival. You actually thought for a minute you might be able to avoid him this whole trip, but of course, he was pouncing as soon as you were alone. He always preferred talking to you when no one was around, sharing hours of meaningful late night conversations together, yet ignoring you at parties and in the halls at school as if you barely knew each other.

You closed the book slowly and placed it in your lap, any clever words you had to say to him flew suddenly from your brain. Regret swept over you, it was foolish to think you could pretend to be unaffected by his presence. He’d said two words to you and you were already nervous, overthinking every movement you made.

When you didn’t answer him, Rafe took it upon himself to plop down in the beach chair next to you, leaning over to read the title of your book.

“Is it any good?” You still didn’t look at him, but you could hear the teasing smile in his voice.

“Wouldn’t know,” you looked down at your lap. “Just started it.”

“Well let me know what you think, might need to borrow it,” he kept his eyes on you, running over your body, making his own face go warm.

“Since when do you read?” You finally lifted your eyes to him.

Rafe’s jaw went slightly slack, all the swagger he’d brought on this trip with him suddenly disappearing. You were even prettier up close, your features more defined and striking than he remembered.

“People can change,” he finally mustered up, less bravado in his voice.

You gave yourself exactly three seconds to look at him, eyes sweeping quickly over his nose, lips, chin, anything but his eyes. His eyes were like a prison you’d once been held in, and you swore you’d never go back.

After your three seconds were up, you shifted your gaze to the ocean, hating that you wished you had three more to take him in. He was just as, if not more, gorgeous as you remembered. His features somehow sharp and soft at the same time. His lips pink and soft, skin a golden bronze even though the summer had just started. His hair was a little shorter now, but still long enough to stick up in the back in that messy way you liked.

The familiar red hue crept up your neck slowly, making its way to your cheekbones. You needed him to get up and leave you alone before you broke into an all out blush. You picked up your book and pretended to start reading again.

“You should go play with everyone else, looks like Kelce could use someone on his team,” you threw out, hoping he’d take the hint.

“What if I’d rather stay here and talk to you?” He asked, voice dropping just a hint.

You thought you could handle this, but you couldn’t. Was he seriously flirting with you right now? If you knew Rafe, the second you tried to flirt back, he’d grow uninterested and blow you off. With him, it was always like he convinced you to jump off a cliff with him, but then at the last second, he’d step back, watching apathetically as you fell all alone.

“I need to go unpack,” you said, standing from your chair and grabbing your book and beach bag, knowing full well your stuff was already neatly sorted in your room.

He looked up at you as you collected your stuff, and you hated the way you were sucking in your stomach. You spent four years working hard to love your body the way it was, and now, in front of him, all that self-consciousness came flooding back. 

You hurried away, catching Carter’s eye as you beelined for the house.

“Where are you going?” She said, slightly out of breath by the time she caught up to you.

“I can’t do this,” you explained, still walking fast.

“Wait,” she grabbed your arm, causing you to halt, hot sand burning your feet. “What happened?”

“He’s here,” you didn’t have to explain any further for her to understand.

“I know,” she said sympathetically. “But we knew he would be. We’re gonna ignore him, remember?”

“I don’t think I can, Car,” you sighed. “I think I should just go.” 

“No, please please please don’t go,” she begged. “I need you here. And you were having fun before, right? Tom’s cute! Just hang out with us and tell Rafe to go fuck himself.”

“That sounds more like something you’d say than me,” you smiled at her.

“Okay, fine,” she agreed. “I’ll tell him to fuck himself and to leave you alone.”

“No, don’t, I don’t want to cause any drama,” you requested.

“Well I think storming out twenty minutes after we got here would be pretty dramatic,” she argued.

Your lips in a tight line, you gave her an annoyed look, but she did kind of have a point. Everyone would ask why you left, and how would Carter explain it to them? Plus, you didn’t want to give Rafe the satisfaction of knowing he affected you this much.

“We’re about to play volleyball,” Carter said. “Come show them what a beast you are now! And then after you kick everyone’s ass, if you’re still miserable, you can leave and I’ll tell everyone you got sick.”

You squinted back at the group on the beach, considering her offer. Topper and Kelce were wrestling in the sand, somehow both losing. You smiled affectionately at their antics, you were really enjoying hanging out with them before Rafe got here.

“Okay, fine,” you agreed. “One game.”

It took half of one volley for you to get comfortable, head fully in the game. You were tempted to put your cover-up back on before playing, well aware of Rafe’s eyes on you through the net, but you decided not to, determined to love yourself the same way you had grown to when you thought you’d never see him again.

Tom was on Rafe’s team, also eyeing you through the net, but with a much more innocent, friendly expression.

“You’re pretty good!” He said when you’d spiked a ball into the sand right next to him.

“Thank you,” you smiled sweetly. “I play at school.”

“Hey man, stop flirting with our opponent and focus,” Rafe snapped at him from the serving line.

Tom just raised his eyebrows at you in amusement and mouthed “I’m in trouble.” You giggled and Rafe seethed, slamming the ball so hard on his next serve that his hand was red. 

After a few more volleys, you had rotated until you and Rafe were face to face across the net again. As you waited for one of your sister’s friends, Sabrina, to make her third attempt at serving, Rafe eyed you up and down.

“You look good,” he said quietly, so only you could hear.

It lit a fire in you, but not the one he was hoping for. You locked-in, bent low in a competitive stance, ready for the setter to tee you up. When Sabrina finally made her serve, you went all out, diving in the sand and running all over the court to keep the ball in play. Rafe’s athletic instincts took over, and he met every one of your attempts to score with a firm block. Eventually, your lungs burning with your heavy breathing, Rafe spiked the ball and you slipped in the sand, letting it get past you and land next to your feet with a thud.

You looked up at Rafe, who was high fiving his teammates and looking down at you with a smirk. He ducked under the net and reached out a hand to help you up.

“Sorry, kid,” he grinned as he lifted you to your feet. “I’m just that good.”

Kid. It all came back as you stared at him. The hours spent in your car, waiting for him dutifully. All the late night texts that meant everything to you and nothing to him. The cheek kisses and side hugs that fueled your fantasies. His hands around Cassie’s waist as he kissed her in broad daylight, though he’d only talk to you behind closed doors. 

Your cheeks turned red as they so often did, but this time, it wasn’t from embarrassment, it was from anger. He wouldn’t make you feel small anymore, you wouldn’t let him.

You turned to your team to fire them up, “let’s go, fucking lock in guys! You got me Top?”

Topper nodded with excitement, loving your new energy, as he got ready for his turn to serve.

“Fuck yeah, I got you, captain,” he saluted you.

Topper served. Rafe tried to dominate again but you were two seconds ahead of him on every play. Now it was you that had him diving around in the sand like an idiot. The smug smile wiped from his face, his jaw now clenched in frustration as he grunted with effort every time he hit the ball.

You were on fire, un-fucking-stoppable. After a few more volleys, your team was winning, one point from game.

You wiped the back of your hand across your forehead and down your neck, flicking off the sweat that had pooled. You felt two sets of eyes on you, Tom’s and Rafe’s, but you didn’t care, laser focused on your next play. When you lifted off the ground, body stretching to reach for the ball, you threw every frustration into the hit, hand colliding with the ball as hard as it could. Rafe dove, but he couldn’t get it, he crashed down hard, sand flying in his face as he whiffed, and you won the game.

Your side of the net broke into cheers, high fiving and whooping obnoxiously. Tom approached the net to offer his sportsmanlike congratulations, but you didn’t notice him, already making your way towards Rafe, who still sat defeated on the ground, eyes burning from the sand.

He smiled as you approached, reaching out his hand, thinking you were gonna help him up. But you just stepped around him, bending down, lowering your voice so only he could hear as you said,

“Sorry, kid, but I’m better.”

You left him sitting there, hand reaching for nobody like an idiot, dumbstruck and down bad as you sauntered up the beach.

(chapter 2)

a/n: I know I literally just posted the prologue but I didn't want to wait to get into the actual story. I'd love to hear what you think and where you want to see the story go! xoxo

please note, the taglist for this series is currently closed. For updates, follow @whytheylosttheirminds-works and turn on notifs 💕

[mariasont]

Murphy's Law - A.H

summary: you have spent your whole life thinking love was something that could be lost. Aaron has spent his whole life proving that the things worth fighting for don't go anywhere.

masterlist

pairings: aaron hotchner x reader

warnings: some angsty angst, self sabatoge, emotional vulnerability, miscommunication, self worth issues, hotch knows you better than you know yourself, hurt/comfort, happy ending ish

wc: 1.7k

You were staring at the liquid swirl in your glass, watching the way the light bent through it, like if you stared long enough, you could disappear into it, dissolve into it completely. It was sweating against your palm, ice melting, thinning, becoming something less than it was before. 

You were exhausted, an exhaustion that clung your very bones and soul and flesh, moving into places you were certain sleep couldn't reach nor fix.

The case had been brutal and unfortunately for everyone involved, it was the type of case that didn't end just because the paperwork was filed. And you'd done what you always did when it got to be too much, you'd picked a fight with the only person who never fought back.

It was practically muscle memory by now, the way you pushed, the way you tested him, the way you all but begged for him to get tired of you. You took a sip and let yourself wonder if this was the time he finally did.

The whiskey tasted awful. You scrunched your nose at the aftertaste, the way it coated your tongue with something sharp and unforgiving. But you swallowed it anyway. It was his drink, and maybe you deserved the bitterness. Maybe you deserved the way it burned on the way down, the way it sunk heavy in your stomach.

If he was tired of you, if this was the night you finally ruined it, then at least you could feel what he felt, at least you could know what it was like to choke down something that wasn't meant for you.

You could never figure out why he was with you, could never make sense of it, could never understand what he saw when he looked at you. Because all you could see were the cracks, the flaws, the thousands of ways you weren't enough. And Aaron, well, he was steady. He was level-headed, patient, impossibly good, and you were a mess of emotions. You were impulse and self-destruction, always bracing for impact.

You were temporary. And Aaron was the kind of man who deserved something permanent.

You felt him before you saw him. Of course he was here. Of course he came looking for you. You swallowed another sip of the whiskey and let the burn dissipate through your chest before he even had the chance to speak.

"You didn't want to go home."

It wasn't angry or accusatory. That made it worse. You didn't turn to face him, instead you rolled the glass between shaky fingers and let out a bitter laugh.

"What, am I in trouble?"

The second the words left your mouth, you hated them. Hated yourself. You weren't trying to pick another fight, weren't trying to make things worse. But it was like your body was moving before you mind could stop it, like some sick part of yourself wanted to see how much more you could destroy before the night was over.

Hotch sighed, pulled out the stool beside you and sat without a word. He didn't push, didn't ask, didn't even look at you right away. Instead, he reached across the bar, tapping his fingers twice against the counter.

"Water."

The bartender nodded, setting down a glass in front of him. He slid it toward you without a second thought, like this was something they'd done a thousand times before.

Which you had.

But before, you had been soft for each other. Before, the drinks had been sweet, your laughter even sweeter, your hands weaving in his tie as you pulled him down for a slow, unhurried kiss. Before, he'd touched your waist, guiding you toward him before giving you a water and whispering something against your temple like, you're trouble. And you'd grin, because you knew he didn't mean it, not really, not when he was the one who always indulged you, who always let you be trouble, who always looked at you like you were something precious.

Now, the gesture was the same, but everything around it had changed. Now, it wasn't about taking care of you at the end of a good night. It was the same notion, stripped of everything that used to make it feel like love.

"Thanks," you murmured.

You took the glass, but you didn't lift it, didn't take a sip, just dragged a fingertip through the moisture, watching as it smeared beneath your touch.

And then you made the mistake of looking at him.

He looked wrecked. And not just tired, but more than that. Worn down in a way that had nothing to do with sleep and everything to do with you. You were the same in that way. His jaw was tight, and his eyes lingered on you like he was searching for something, something he wasn't sure he'd find. He looked worried, and worse, so much worse, he looked hurt.

And that made everything burn. It made your vision blur at the edges.

You looked back down at your drink before you could embarrass yourself further, before the sting behind your eyes could turn into something real.

He rubbed a hand over his jaw. "You look like you're waiting for me to give up."

"Do I?"

It was weak and too quick. Flimsy and transparent. A question with a question. A classic misdirection, the kind of thing you had both watched suspects do a thousand times when they were caught, when the truth was too ugly to face head-on.

"When people are afraid of loss, they do one of two things," Aaron said and you could feel his eyes on you. "They cling to what they have, or they push it away before it can leave on its own." You looked at him. "You've already decided this won't last, so you're doing everything in your power to make that true. But the problem is—," he leaned in slightly and you could see the freckle under his eye clearly now, "you're treating your fear like a fact."

Your gaze flickered over his face, mapping out every detail like a blueprint. The tiny scar on his chin that you'd never asked him about, the exact shade of his eyes, the way his nose tilted just slightly at the bridge.

You wanted to memorize it all, because someday, this would be all you have left.

When he was gone, because he would leave, it was only a matter of when, you didn't want to rely on pictures. You wanted to close your eyes and see him, clear as he was now. Every part of him. Even the parts he didn't realize you noticed.

His voice was softer now, almost pleading. "Talk to me, sweetheart."

"Stop being so nice to me!"

The words came out choked, tears stinging at your eyes before you could blink them away. You dug your nails into your palm, trying to get something under your control, but it was slipping through your fingers like everything else.

"You're going to get tired of me. You're going to wake up one day and realize I'm not worth it and — and you should. You should yell at me, you should tell me I'm too much, you should —," The tears spilled over now and you hated how blurry he looked. "Fight back, Aaron. Please just — just stop pretending like I deserve this, like I deserve you."

Hotch inhaled sharply, then stood, reaching for his wallet. He placed the bill on the counter — too much, but he wasn't about to wait for change — before finally turning back to you.

"Let's get some air."

You hiccupped, the sound breaking awkwardly in your throat, and you blinked hard. Everything felt like too much, your muscles too tight, your face too hot, the tears still falling despite your best efforts. You rubbed at your face with back of your hand, nodding, because you didn't trust yourself to speak.

You stood and glanced around for your coat and before you could even realize you didn't bring one, Aaron was already moving.

"Arms in," he said, slipping his jacket around you, his fingers barely skimming your shoulders.

He didn't give you a moment to process it. He just started guiding you to the door, like he already knew you wouldn't stop him.

The night air didn't bite the way you expected. It should have shocked you awake, made you shiver, but it didn't. You barely felt it.

Your body felt off, warmth thrummed through your limbs in way that you feel unsteady. You swayed slightly, and Aaron's hand came to hover near your waist, not quite touching, but waiting. Just in case.

He was frowning at you.

So, instinctively, you frowned back.

"You're acting like I don't know what I signed up for." You opened your mouth to argue but Aaron stepped closer before you could even form the words. "I know what I signed up for because I know you."

His eyes didn't leave yours.

"I know you overthink every single text before you send it. I know that when you're anxious you chew on the inside of your cheek until it's raw. I know you order the same three things at a restaurant because too many choices stress you out, and I know you hate when the cabinets in the kitchen are left open, even by an inch."

He took another step.

"I know you cry at commercials but try to hide it. I know that when you're upset, you don't want comfort, but you need it. I know that you think needing people makes you weak. But I also know you are smart and kind and stubborn as hell. I know that I love you in a way that is reckless and absolute. And I know—," he exhaled, standing so close his breath was mingling with yours. "that you are worth every single argument it's going to take to convince you of that."

It was too much. The way he knew you. The way he saw you. The way he spoke like loving you was a fact, an inevitability, something that could not be argued or undone.

A sharp breath shuttered from your lips, your whole body tightening like you could hold it all in.

But you couldn't. Because your chest ached. Your hands ached. Your heart ached. Your whole body felt like it belonged to him in a way you didn't know how to put into words.

So you did the only thing you could do. You closed the miniscule distance between you, your fingers grasping onto the front of his coat, pulling, holding, needing.

Because you didn't know how to say I love you so much it physically hurts me.

But maybe, if you pressed close enough, he would feel it.

taglist has been disbanned! if you want to get updates about my writings follow my account strictly for reblogging my works! @mariasreblogs

[slutforvoldy]

“ YOU'RE LOSING ME. ” ( lando norris ! )

SUMMARY: the reader struggles with the painful realization that no matter how much she gives, lando will never fight for her the way she fights for him.

word count: 1.3k

warnings: angst, lando is a d!ck, gaslighting, communication issues, mentions of y/n

pairing: lando norris x female!reader

tag-list: @oscduck81

a/n: this may or may not be loosely inspired by a real life experience..........

THE ROOM WAS dimly lit, the soft blue glow of Lando’s sim racing setup casting shadows across the walls. The hum of his game filled the silence, the sharp sound of tires screeching on a digital track drowning out the soft, broken sobs escaping your lips.

You lay curled up on the bed, your back turned to him. Salty tears slipped down your cheeks, soaking into the pillow. You weren’t even sure why you were crying anymore—was it sadness? frustration? or just the aching emptiness that was growing inside you?

You knew he could hear you. He always could.

But just like every other night, he turned up the volume of his game. Hinting an unspoken message: I don’t want to hear you. I don’t want to deal with you.

And gosh, it hurts.

He always does this. He rarely talks to you despite living in the same apartment. As if there is a big wall between the two of you. As if both of you have two different worlds. His priorities had shifted, and you weren’t part of them anymore. Gaming. Racing. Nights out with friends. Work. Everything came before you. And no matter how much you tried to convince yourself otherwise, you knew deep down that he just didn’t care the way he used to.

He used to act differently when your relationship started. You missed the time when it felt like his world revolved around you, when he made you feel like you were the most important thing in his life, but now you don't know when or what went wrong. You can only wonder what happened to the man you love.

Your friends are all begging you to leave.

"Wake up, Y/N!" "You deserve better." "What else is there to hold on to?"

It started to become obvious that the things Lando has been doing have been affecting you to the point that you started seeing a therapist, desperately trying to piece yourself back together.

But the worst part is that Lando never even noticed.

You knew that this was not healthy. You knew you should leave. But things are easier said than done.

The thought of walking away—of starting over, of loving someone who wasn’t him—made your stomach twist. It felt impossible, unbearable.

Despite everything, despite the pain, you still wanted to stay. You clung to the hope that one day he would wake up and realize what he was losing. That he would see you again—as someone he once loved. Someone worth fighting for.

So you stayed. Because letting go felt harder than holding on.

It’s a big day in Abu Dhabi—the moment that will decide the 2024 Formula 1 constructors' championship. McLaren almost has an even tie with Ferrari; therefore, they desperately needed Lando to win. So you take your time to self-soothe after what happened last night.

"You just don’t understand, Y/N. Why can’t you just accept the fact that I’m a busy person?" Lando exclaimed, frustration lacing his voice.

You let out a sharp laugh, shaking your head. "Oh, I’m sorry—if bar-hopping with your friends and getting all over the media with random girls counts as 'busy,' then I must be such an idiot for not taking the hint!"

His jaw tightened. "Those pictures are from a long time ago," he muttered.

"Oh, really?" you said amusingly while scoffing.

Silence stretched between you before you finally snapped. "All I ever wanted was for you to notice me! To talk to me! Hell, to actually see me! Is that really too much to ask?"

Lando ran a hand through his hair, exhaling. "I don’t understand, Y/N. I’m giving you all the attention I can."

But it was never enough. It never felt like enough.

You sighed in defeat, your voice barely above a whisper. "I know you wouldn’t understand."

This morning, like every morning, you glared at him with storms in your eyes. But he didn’t notice—he never did. You wondered how numb he could be to not feel your grip on him slipping away. How could you love someone and not see them breaking right in front of you?

All you needed was his reassurance—that despite everything happening, despite the way he treated you, you were still the one he loved. But every time you brought it up, he twisted it around, making it seem like you were the problem. Every conversation turned into an argument instead of a solution, and with each fight, your resentment only grew.

One night, you needed him more than ever. After a brutal argument with your parents, they kicked you out, leaving you with nowhere to go. Lando was the only person you could turn to—the one person you thought you could rely on.

"I tried calling you. I rang your doorbell over and over and over again, but you never answered." Your voice wavered, frustration and hurt bleeding through. "So tell me, Lando—where were you that night?"

"I was sleeping!" he insisted, his tone defensive.

You let out a sharp, bitter laugh. "Sleeping? Really?" You shook your head in disbelief. "I literally saw the notification on your Twitch that you were live with Max!" Your voice cracked as anger and betrayal surged through you. "You left me outside your house for hours!"

Lando exhaled sharply. "Maybe it’s your fault for always expecting too much," he muttered under his breath, but you caught every word.

Your stomach twisted as you stared at him. "Excuse me?"

"Maybe..." His voice became louder. "It’s my fault for not being enough for you," he added, his voice flat.

"Or maybe it's our fault for not making this relationship work properly."

That was your breaking point.

Lando won the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix, securing McLaren’s victory in their fierce battle against Ferrari for the Constructors' Championship. You were proud—proud that your boyfriend had claimed another Grand Prix win, proud that his team had finally won. But deep down, you knew the truth: tonight, he wouldn’t be celebrating with you.

You often envied the girlfriends of other drivers—the way they rushed into their arms after a win, how they spent their victories surrounded by their girlfriends and families. But for you, it was different. You longed for that warmth.

Now, it was time to pose for the cameras, to put on a dazzling smile and make your relationship look picture-perfect—at least on the surface. In the photos, you were the devoted girlfriend, the perfect couple. But behind your fake smile, a storm raged inside you.

You had always been there for him—through his highs and lows, his victories and defeats. But when it was you who needed him, he was nowhere to be found.

And as the flashes of cameras captured the illusion of happiness, a sinking realization settled in your chest. You couldn’t keep living like this. You couldn’t keep giving all of yourself to someone who never gave anything back.

One thing was clear tonight—you were done hurting yourself for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you.

You took a taxi back to the hotel alone, your vision blurred with tears as the city lights streaked past. The moment you stepped into the room, you began packing—hands trembling, heart racing. You hadn’t planned this, but deep down, you knew it was inevitable. It wasn’t just impulsive; it was necessary.

As you zipped up your suitcase, your fingers brushed against a worn polaroid tucked between your clothes. Your favorite picture—back when love still felt easy, when he still looked at you like you were his entire world. You held it for a moment, your thumb tracing the edges, debating whether to take it with you.

But some things belonged to the past.

Flipping it over, you picked up the hotel pen and, with a heavy heart, wrote your final words.

I love you forever, Lando. I'm forever grateful. —Y/N

You placed the polaroid on the bed, letting it rest there. Then, with a deep breath, you grabbed your bags and walked to the door.

Before stepping out, you turned back for one last glance at everything you're about to leave behind. All of the memories you and Lando had, either good or bad.

Just like that, you walked out of his life, and with every step, the weight you had carried for so long finally began to lift.

[moonzzip]

spill the tea | kwon jiyong

a/n – so, I wrote this during class, I couldn't pay attention, I was thinking too much about jiyong. I don't know if I'll do another part, it depends on your reaction, initially, I don't plan on doing pt.2, I'm enjoying doing a bit of angst so much, i don't understand... again, I just wrote what came to my head, the english is still kind of... bad, but I hope you like it!

everything has been lightly reviewed, please let me know of any grammar error/incorrect word!

summary: jiyong is anxious, very nervous about appearing on stage again in front of so many people, but you appear.

pairing: jiyong x gn!reader

warnings: a fair amount of self-deprecation, abusive work, mentions of anxiety, reader has confidence issues, angst, fluff

lowercase letters, word count: 1,1k (again)

spinning the rings on his fingers, jiyong’s palms sweat, and he unconsciously wipes them on his light pink pants. looking around absentmindedly, his thoughts race a mile a minute, and he exhales hurriedly.

hearing two soft knocks on the door, he looks at it, a bit confused.

“jiyong-nim?” you whisper, peeking in with only half of your face visible, your body still outside.

the man nods, giving you permission to enter. you smile softly and finally step inside.

“excuse me…” your voice is gentle, barely above a whisper, not wanting to be a bother. “since i know you like tea, i decided to make some and bring it to you.”

in your hand, you hold a metallic thermal bottle, and in the other, a small, delicate package of chocolate cookies you had baked just a few hours ago.

you can’t help but wonder how he must be feeling, returning to the stage after so many years. being part of his personal staff, you and the team always communicate with him directly.

well… not you. the others.

you never had the courage—nor the opportunity, really. not for lack of trying, but because of someone specific.

of course, the great g-dragon would have a highly qualified team of professionals. but you never felt like one of them, and that person made sure to remind you of your “proper place.” the moment jiyong turned his back, all of her frustrations were dumped onto you. maybe you were hired as a verbal punching bag for the “blessed being” without realizing it. it made you wonder if you had remembered to read the fine print.

she didn’t even bother to call you by your name—always using other names, but never yours.

of course, you had thought about reporting it, but someone as insignificant as you in this industry, compared to her—who is beloved and has more connections than you could count—who’s to say she wouldn’t send someone to get rid of you while you’re in the bathroom? you never know. you know they would never fire her. you losing your job would be much easier than any close employee of jiyong’s facing consequences.

you? a new hire? who gets stepped on by senior staff? reporting her and expecting her to be fired for abuse of power and verbal harassment—if that’s even considered a crime? never. only in your dreams.

you’ve always known that keeping quiet avoids unnecessary arguments, even if you constantly bite your tongue to hold back a sharp reply. you need this job to survive. the salary is too good, and you think you can endure a certain level of mistreatment. at the end of the day, you’re working for g-dragon.

kwon jiyong.

so, you put up with a little more.

you’ve always been someone who minds their own business, who hates being a burden, who puts effort and dedication into everything you do. that’s what got you here, and you won’t let nerves over trivial things get the best of you.

sometimes, you stop and wonder if it’s worth tolerating such ridiculous treatment. but then you remind yourself—you’re on your own. you handle things as best as you can with what you have.

just you and yourself.

you don’t remember having any true friendships you’d take with you for life. maybe some colleagues, but nothing like “i need a shoulder to lean on, can i talk to you?”

you don’t dwell on it. you don’t even seek that kind of connection anymore—you gave up long ago.

you care too much about what others think of you. you like leaving a good impression—being seen as reliable, always prepared, capable of doing whatever is asked of you.

but you also let people step on you—on your pride, almost on you, literally.

when did that become “okay”?

you have no idea. it feels like it’s always been this way. you’re invisible. never invited to anything. you watch others having fun, calling each other out for drinks, and you can’t even picture yourself in a situation like that.

honestly?

you silence your thoughts for now.

you hand him the tea and cookies, and he stands up, bowing politely, ever so charming. a small smile grace his beautiful face, bringing a subtle glow of admiration to your own, soon he sits down again.

“i tried making passion fruit tea with pomegranate… passion fruit helps with stress and mood, pomegranate helps with the throat in case of hoarseness or pain, and also—”

jiyong watches you ramble (your voice still soft and low, almost a whisper), his lips forming a small pout, eyes slightly wide, eyebrows subtly raised. one hand rests on his chin, legs crossed, elbow propped up.

for the first time since arriving here, he finds himself distracted, momentarily forgetting his nerves and anxiety.

thinking back, he realizes he has never interacted with you directly.

of course, he’s seen you around—always busy, whether carrying heavy boxes, taking notes from a distance, staying late to fix a loose button or sequin on his outfit, bringing drinks, coffee, and snacks for everyone (never personally handing them to him), and countless other tasks that he’s almost certain aren’t your responsibility.

he’s never seen you with anyone. a friend, or something like that.

not that he had noticed before.

but, you know, when people are close, it’s something you can feel.

jiyong’s thoughts (just like your rambling) are abruptly interrupted by the loud, sudden swing of the dressing room door.

both of your heads snap toward the sound.

“jiyo-ssi!! you’re up next, it’s packed today, hurry up!”

ah, it’s her. the very person who used you as her personal punching bag.

without so much as a polite greeting, she shoves you aside and grabs jiyong’s arm.

still surprised, he simply looks ahead as he’s dragged away in a rush.

you just stare down at your hands, now clasped together in front of you, until—

“___?”

startled, you look up—and see g-d smiling at you.

in your eyes, he glows.

“thank you so much. i feel a lot better now.”

his voice, deep yet gentle, carries the words, and suddenly, the world seems more colorful as you both look directly at each other.

have you ever noticed how beautiful his eyes are?

and then, the door closes.

you stay there, frozen, until your legs weaken, and you crouch down, placing a hand over your racing heart, butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

“…but you didn’t even drink the tea…” you murmur, embarrassed.

a/n – thanks for the positive reactions on 'thinkin' bout you'! I'm glad you liked it, it just makes me want to write more. this time I heard JK's 'still with you', it brought up a lot of feelings and I ended up pouring it all out in the reader's self-deprecating parts. Sorry not sorry. sorry again for my english, feel free to correct me kindly!

[osctwink]

i. You and me, we got big reputations.

based on the prompt / landoscar.

part one, start:

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“This collaboration will run for the next six months. There’s going to be a photoshoot this Saturday for the sponsorship deal with Polo Ralph Lauren.”

Lando wasn’t entirely sure if he should be doing this or not, but truthfully, he never really paid full attention to what his PR manager was saying anyway. For the past half hour, the man had just been twirling a pen between his fingers, occasionally setting it down on the desk, only to pick it up again a few seconds later. It was like watching someone try to fight off boredom with the only weapon they had—office supplies.

Lando had stopped counting how long he’d been sitting in the meeting room. Two hours? Three? Who knew. All he gathered was that there was going to be a shoot—which wasn’t exactly groundbreaking news. He’d done more than enough of them to know the drill by now. Except this one… this one would include a model. And not the kind of model who also happened to be his teammate, Daniel Ricciardo.

“The concept’s a little different this time, huh?” Lando asked, lifting his gaze from the glossy table to the team standing across from him.

Charlotte nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I know, Lando. It’s a bit unusual since you’re not doing the shoot with DaniRic like you normally do. But honestly? I don’t think it’s going to be a bad thing.”

Lando raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. There was a quiet sort of stir in his chest—the kind that only comes from not knowing something you really want to know. Who was this model? A Vogue cover girl type? Maybe he was getting ahead of himself, but he was caught off guard, mid-sip of his orange juice, when he heard the name. The name that made him choke just a little on the citrus burning down his throat.

“Oscar Piastri. Model from Australia.”

He knew, even before he looked up, that his reaction would end up as a meme somewhere. For at least a week. Maybe longer, considering the way Daniel—sitting beside him—was barely holding back a laugh. But Lando wasn’t faking it. Not even a little. It had nothing to do with the model being a guy. Gender was never the issue.

It was the name.

There was something about the name that struck something in him. Something distant, like a half-forgotten melody he couldn’t quite place. No matter how far back he dove into his memory—digging through twenty-five years of moments and half-lost days—Oscar Piastri felt like a name that mattered.

And that alone… was enough.

⸻ ⸻ ⸻ ⸻ ⸻

“Lando Norris. Have you heard of him before?”

Oscar lifted his eyes from his phone, blinking at the sound of his manager’s voice. His back ached from sitting in the same awkward position for too long, and his feet were killing him. The catwalk training had been brutal—heels or not. Even if the sole wasn’t that high, it was still enough to make every step feel like a calculated risk. And then there was the posture. The upright, perfectly aligned posture that they insisted he keep for hours on end.

Oscar chose modeling. No one forced him into it. But sometimes—just sometimes—he wondered if it was worth the physical torture.

“I think I’ve heard the name,” he answered calmly, adjusting the way he sat. “Formula 1 driver, right?”

Mark Webber, his manager, nodded. “He’s the one you’ll be shooting with for Polo Ralph Lauren this Saturday.”

Oscar hummed a soft acknowledgment. The shoot was still days away. He had time.

“His face looks familiar, doesn’t it?” Mark added, scrolling through his phone. The man wasn’t quite old enough to be that old, but the wrinkles etched across his skin certainly said otherwise—though Oscar was self-aware enough to know he was probably just being dramatic about it.

“He looks like one of your classmates from high school. Do you remember?”

Mark turned his phone around and showed Oscar a picture. Lando Norris. The guy he’d be shooting with.

And Oscar had to admit—the man was not a disappointment.

The curls, styled into a soft mullet. The jawline, sharp and masculine. The entire face just had that effortlessly cool, dangerously attractive vibe. Honestly, Lando could’ve passed as a model if he wasn’t already driving at 300 km/h for a living. His face definitely felt familiar… but Oscar’s mind hesitated to latch onto the memory.

“I don’t really remember him,” he said, cheeks heating slightly as he glanced away. He didn’t want Mark reading too much into it. The man had a habit of jumping to conclusions.

“Wow, you’re ancient,” Mark teased with a laugh. “For someone who can’t remember their own classmates.”

Oscar only rolled his eyes and gave a sarcastic sigh, unlocking his phone to open Subway Surfers. His thumbs moved on instinct, tapping in rhythm with the running character on screen.

Still, in the background of his thoughts, a single question echoed again and again: Who the hell is Lando Norris? And why does his name feel like something he should remember?

⸻ ⸻ ⸻ ⸻ ⸻

“Mate, he’s actually kinda hot.”

“I know, Lan. He’s your type, right?”

“Wow. Since when do you know my type, mate?”

Laughter echoed through the apartment, bouncing off the kitchen walls and into the dining room, where Lando sat trying not to overthink things. Dinner with Max F and a couple of other friends had turned into something of a deep dive session on his upcoming modeling partner.

Thanks to Max and his impressive internet sleuthing skills, Lando finally had a face to match the name Oscar Piastri.

And honestly? He got it now. Why the guy was a model.

Oscar was tall, with that perfect balance of soft masculinity and delicate charm. His features were a little pretty, his waist was slim, and his hands—Lando noticed—were small. Almost fragile-looking. It wasn’t a weird thought, just… an observation. Probably.

“I guess I’ll wait till I meet him in person,” Lando mumbled, placing Max’s phone back on the table and focusing on his food.

Maybe—just maybe—that photoshoot on Saturday would be a little more… interesting than he’d expected.

[writinginatree]

Jealous Little Puppy

Relationship(s): Xaden Riorson & sibling!reader, Bodhi Durran & Riorson!reader, background Xaden Riorson/Violet Sorrengail

Summary: You feel neglected because your brother spends every free minute with Violet and has no time left for you.

Warnings: Jealousy, low self-worth, abandonment issues, implied depression. Set in Aretia during Iron Flame.

Anonymous requested: I want to ask something for Xaden where the reader is jealous and feels like she's in second place to Violet? Maybe because Violet and Xaden's dragons are mate, and they spend a lot of time together, the reader is jealous, but she gets all grumpy, glaring at Xaden, refusing his touch... but deep down she's a little lost puppy who just wants to be loved and protected🥹🤍

You sit on the bottom stair in the foyer of Riorson House, watching your brother across the room. The physical distance is nothing compared to how far away he's felt emotionally ever since you saw him again after entering the Riders Quadrant a few months ago. You were hoping he would have a few minutes to come to the gym and help you with a move you have trouble mastering, but, as usual, he's otherwise occupied.

He and Violet are locked in one of their silent conversations. You don't understand how, but you've been watching them enough to be sure they have some strange way of communicating without anyone else being any the wiser. It has to be part of the whole mated dragons thing somehow, you suppose. Maybe because of it, they can talk the same way riders and dragons talk. However it works, you hate when they do that. It always makes you paranoid, wondering if you did something wrong, if they're talking about you. Of course they aren't; you're not so self-important to truly believe they are. Nonetheless, that prickle of anxiety never fades. Maybe you did do something wrong and that's why Xaden's been so closed off from you?

He never has time for you these days. You'd thought maybe that would change now that you're back home in Aretia, but honestly, you should have known better. Every free second he has is dedicated to Violet, regardless of where you are and how often he's there.

Starting the quadrant, you'd been thrilled to learn that Xaden would be returning to Basgiath every two weeks due to his dragon being mated to that of a second-year, thinking you would get to see him on those occasions. And yes, the first time he'd visited, he had used the chance to check on you. Briefly. After that, nothing. You didn't get to talk to him again until after he showed up to save Violet and you all defected. According to Bodhi, it had been because you were safer that way. As if people weren't perfectly aware of who you are regardless of whether or not your brother payed any attention to you.

And while you do get to see a little more of him now, he never actually spends time with you. It hurts more than you care to admit. After lonely years stuck in a foster home, counting the days until you'd get to see your family again, it now feels a lot like your family doesn't want you anymore. You've been spending time with Bodhi whenever possible, but he doesn't have much time for you either, and, as much as you love your cousin, he simply can't make up for your brother's unavailability.

What little free time Xaden has, he spends with Violet. It's been going on like this for months. You try not to be jealous of all the attention Xaden gives her, but it's hard. They're so close, blind to anything except each other.

At first, it was nice to see them so obviously in love. Gods know Xaden deserves to finally have some happiness in his life. Things have been rough for all of you since the apostasy, but for him especially. And you're glad he has Violet to take care of him now, you really are.

It's just that most of these days, it feels as though you've turned invisible.

You know you're being unreasonable. You're an adult and should be fine on your own. But after having your mother abandon you, and your father die for a failed rebellion and leaving you behind, being constantly ignored by your brother in favor of his girlfriend is simply too much. It's like there's no space left for you in Xaden's life now that he has her.

The worst part is that you actually like Violet. It would be easier if you could hate her for stealing your brother from you, but you admire her. You're even friends — or as close to being friends as a measly first-year like you can get with a powerful second-year like her.

She never has time for you, either. You can't blame her. She's busy — as is Xaden, you know that. But that's different. Violet has no obligation to waste her time on you, but Xaden is your damned brother. He could at least say hi when he's home, ask how you're doing once in a while.

Instead, he only pays attention to you when you're in trouble, like is the case a few days later.

It wasn't even your fault this time. Your squadmate had gotten into a fight with one of the fliers; all you had done was try to make peace between them. Things escalated into a fist fight despite your efforts, and when the professors broke it up, no one asked who'd started it or gave you a chance to explain. After a whole fifteen minutes of Ulices yelling at the lot of you, you were sentenced to breakfast duty along with those who'd actually been involved in the fight.

And of course some asshole immediately informed Xaden about it when he returned from a long patrol later that afternoon, so now you're stuck getting another lecture, this time from your brother dearest.

"I hear you got into a fight with the fliers," he starts, glaring at you like you're the biggest disappointment he's ever seen.

All hopes that he might listen to your side of the incident evaporate, but you try anyway. "I—"

"I didn't think I had to tell you this," he goes on, "but you're supposed to be a good example for the others. We cannot have fliers and riders turn on each other, or everything will fall apart."

"It wasn't—"

"I expect you to be on your best behavior from now on. If I hear about any more incidents like this, the punishment your professors come up with will be the least of your worries. Is that clear?"

It's an effort to swallow your anger and the bitter feeling of betrayal. You've never felt so unwelcome in your own home. Somehow, you manage to keep your voice steady and void of emotion when you answer. "Yes, sir."

Bodhi finds you crying in your room that night.

"Hey, what's wrong? If it's because of that fight you got into—"

You can't take it anymore. "I didn't!" you shout, shooting to your feet. "I was just in the middle of it because I tried to make them stop, but no one ever fucking listens to anything I say!"

Bodhi raises his hands in a placating gesture. "Okay, okay. Sorry. I can take it up with leadership for you. I'm sure they'll exclude you from the punishment if I explain that you—"

"Nevermind. I don't care about breakfast duty."

"But?"

You sit back down on the edge of your bed, wipe the tears from your face and shake your head. You don't look at him. "Nothing. It's nothing."

He wouldn't understand. He's never been needy for attention like you, is happy to do his duty without expecting thanks or acknowledgement. Oh, he would be sympathetic if you told him. Would let you pour your heart out about how unimportant you feel, how lonely you are because Violet is Xaden's number one priority and no one has time for you. Would hold you and stroke your hair, give you all the attention you so desperately crave. He'd sit with you and dry your tears until you fell peacefully asleep instead of crying yourself to sleep like you'd done so often lately.

But he would not understand. And once you were soundly asleep, he would tell Xaden.

And while Bodhi would certainly be doing so for your own good, you would rather let your dragon bite your arm off than talk to your brother about this. At best, Xaden would think you're being annoying, clingy, and childish. At worst... well, you're not sure. It doesn't matter. Talking about it would not improve the situation, that much you're sure of.

Therefore, you keep your mouth shut and your eyes glued to the floor until Bodhi finally decides to leave you be. He has homework and section leader stuff to do, after all. As soon as you're certain he's gone, you let the calm facade crack again and flop down on the bed, sobbing into your pillow.

Almost two weeks pass before Xaden deigns to talk to you again. You see him in the hall a few times, but he doesn't pay you any mind. Maybe he just doesn't notice you, or maybe he's doing it on purpose to punish you for your perceived misbehaviour. You don't know and it doesn't matter. Of course you could always greet him first, but you're tired of begging for his attention, so you convince yourself you don't want or need it anymore.

You're sitting at lunch when Xaden walks past behind you, reaching out to muss up your hair in passing as he's done thousands of times before, though not in a while. For the first time in your life, you swat his hand away.

He freezes, and you can practically feel his bewildered gaze boring into the back of your head. You continue eating like he isn't there.

For a moment he just stands there, trying to figure you out. When he speaks, his voice has an annoyed edge to it, but beneath that, there's a hint of what almost sounds like worry. "You're not still mad because I believed that you were involved in that brawl with the fliers, are you? Bodhi told me it wasn't your fault you got dragged into—"

"No," you cut him off, sparing him a glance over your shoulder after all. "No, everything is fine."

"Right..."

Though he clearly doesn't believe you, he leaves it be, walking off to find his own lunch. You knew he would. You don't matter enough for him to make a scene in front of your squad.

To your surprise, Xaden intercepts you outside your room that evening. Maybe Violet is still busy in the library; he sure as hell wouldn't be bothering with you if she had time for him.

"Okay, what's wrong?" he demands without preamble. "And don't you dare say it's nothing. You're skulking around like an abandoned puppy."

You bite your tongue to keep from retorting that that's exactly how you feel. Like he put you in a crate and left you in some dark alley because you're not worth taking care of anymore, and so far, no passerbys have bothered to stop and take you in. Unloved and unwanted, just like you felt when your mother left all those years ago. Maybe that's how it's supposed to feel, growing up. You've always been a little behind, so you wouldn't know.

Xaden nudges you, a reminder that he's still waiting for an answer.

You decide to give him a half-truth. "It just feels weird to be home after so long. Wherever I look there's something bringing back old memories." You let your eyes flick to his for a second. "I miss Dad."

"Me too," he quietly admits, which is the closest thing to vulnerability he's allowed himself in your presence since the execution. "But that's not all, is it?"

You shrug, opening your door in hopes he'll drop the matter, but he follows into your room. Fine. If you really can't avoid talking about it, you'd rather do it here than in the hall where gods know who might listen in.

Standing at the window, you look out over Aretia, all too aware of Xaden's presence at your back.

"Come on, kid. Talk to me."

You scoff. You can't help it. For months you've wanted to talk to him, to spend just a little bit of time with him, but he couldn't be bothered. And now that you've all but given it up he comes and demands you pay attention to him. Gods beware you have the audacity to turn things around and ignore him for a few minutes. Maybe you should have slammed the door in his face and refused the conversation altogether, given him a taste of his own medicine.

You don't have the energy to fight with him, though, so you do the next best thing and feign ignorance. "Talk about what?"

"About whatever is bothering you."

"Nothing is bothering me," you claim. "Like I said, it's just strange to be back—"

"Bullshit. You really think I can't tell you're mad at me? Because I absolutely can. I just can't figure out why."

"That's not— I'm not mad at you!"

It's the truth. You're jealous, lonely, feeling neglected, maybe even a little disappointed in him, but not mad. There's no point; being angry with him wouldn't change a thing. It's true you've been acting moody lately, pulling away from everyone and Xaden especially, deciding that if you are that unimportant to him, you won't bother him anymore. It was an act of acceptance, rather than anger. You didn't think he would notice.

"What is it, then?"

"I'm just..." You shake your head. "I don't know. It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does."

You sigh. Why does he care all of the sudden? Part of you wishes he'd just leave you alone, even as the rest of you longs for the comfort his company used to bring. You're so fucking tired of this.

"You're away all the time. And when you are here you never have time for me." You didn't mean for it to come out like an accusation, but it does. And since there's no taking it back now you add, "It's like I don't even matter anymore. If I disappeared, you probably wouldn't even notice."

When he doesn't answer, you chance a look at your brother's face. He looks stricken, shock mixing with the guilt of the realization of how distant he's been.

"I didn't realize," he says finally, startling you with the uncharacteristically soft tone he uses. "I know I haven't really had time for you, but I didn't realize it made you feel so..."

"Neglected?"

"Yeah."

You shrug. "It's fine. I'm not a little kid you need to dote on anymore. You've got other priorities. I get it."

Xaden shakes his head. "That's not the point. I don't ever want you to doubt how important you are to me. All I did, the deal to let us into the quadrant, continuing what Dad started, it was all for you. All I wanted was to keep you safe, for you to have a better life. And just because Violet is my biggest priority now doesn't mean you're not important too. You and Bodhi are the only family I have. You'll always matter, you hear me? You matter so fucking much."

He takes you by the shoulders like he wants to shake you to make sure the words sink in, but refrains from actually doing it.

"I'm sorry," he adds, which feels even more surreal than everything else he's said so far. "I promised Dad I'd take good care of you, but I guess I fucked it up. I was so focused on just keeping us alive that I forgot about actually being there for you. And I know I've been... cold, but that has nothing to do with you. I just... kind of forgot how to do feelings, I guess. Not that I was ever much good at that stuff. But I still care. I promise I do, and I'm so fucking sorry for making you feel like I don't."

"It's okay," you say, and this time, you really mean it. He hasn't forgotten about you. He's trying. You're not abandoned after all, merely temporarily left behind. "You've done so much for all of us. It's not your fault I'm so sensitive."

"No, but I know damn well how easily you let things like this get to you. I should have noticed sooner. Next time you convince yourself you don't matter just do us both a favor and say something, okay?"

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Now, are we okay again?"

"Yeah."

"Good. And I'll try to have more time for you," Xaden promises, ruffling your hair. This time, you let him. "I can't help how busy I am, but I'll try to include you more when I'm here. I'll see if I have a moment to join you in the gym tomorrow, how does that sound?"

"Perfect."

[maybemaleksentmeasakindness]

I'm Right Here

Chapter Two (of two) : I'm Right Here

Part One Here

Summary - Liam goes to your room after you miss dinner to check in on you.

Notes/Warnings - Swearing, cursing, jealousy, angst, issues of self worth. These characters/places don't belong to me. 1.3k words.

🐉🗡️

You haven’t made it to dinner, not yet. You have been too preoccupied with the earlier exchanges between Liam and Violet–their voices ringing in your head.

“They’re just threats. The only time I’ve actually been targeted was at night, and it’s not like Liam here is sleeping in my bedroom.”

You can see Liam pausing his carving work before grinning and going to respond. “I mean, I’m not opposed to–”

You shush yourself out loud refusing to think about it any longer. You look down to the edge of your physics book, to note it has been a victim of your jealousy, the page crinkled after your hands became fists at the memory. No, you would not let some stupid boy (your best friend) and your stupid feelings (love, it’s love) stop you from completing homework. You clear your throat, trying to refocus on the page. It doesn’t happen. A frustrated growl leaves you before a knock on your bedroom door comes. “What?” It comes out more aggressive than you mean it to. 

“You weren’t at dinner,” Liam says from the other side of the door. 

“Shit,” you murmur under your breath. You were supposed to eat with Liam earlier. “Yeah, coming,” you say more loudly. You scurry away from your desk, quickly passing the shelf which was filled with carvings Liam had gifted you since the start of your time at Basgiath. You briefly smoothed at your shirt before opening the door. 

“Hiding away from me?” Liam asks with a grin. “Can’t handle my beauty.”

“Don’t get a big head, you aren’t as pretty as you think you are,” you respond, before clearing your throat. Liar . 

“Ouch.”

A pause before his face changes slightly. “No really, are you okay?” Liam asks, stepping into your room slightly, glancing around the space as if he hadn’t seen it before. 

“Yeah, totally, fine,” you respond. Liar, liar, dragon’s fire , your mind yells at you. You aren’t fine!! He’s been flirting with Violet Sorrengail. Suggesting he wouldn’t mind sleeping in her room. As if to prove a point, you sink into your hip, placing one hand on it, the other still on the door handle.

Liam raises an eyebrow before sidestepping you into the room. “I don’t believe you.” His eyes fall to the collections of carvings he has given you, all lined up next to each other. 

Your brain spins, wanting so deeply, so badly , to just let it all out. No, you’re right. Something is wrong. You’re flirting with her. Not with me. I’M RIGHT HERE!! Don’t you see me? Am I not enough? I love you. Can’t you see that ? You remain quiet, eyes sharp towards Liam. You still can’t move yourself from beside the door.

“Physics?” Liam inquires, trying to cut through the tension of the room. 

You nod. 

He nods. 

You nod again.

He raises an eyebrow. 

Part of you is scared that Liam sees right through it all. That you’re this stupid person fawning after him with this super unrealistic expectation. Maybe Liam is too scared to tell you off, not wanting to hurt your feelings. Maybe he doesn’t want to tell you that he’s actually in love with Violet Sorrengail. Maybe he’s in love with that girl he slept with after Threshing. Your fingers instinctively tense, almost curling, but not quite. You want to rip the hair from your head, to scream, but you remain quiet. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” Liam pushes, his eyes softening.

“It’s nothing. Just physics stressing me out,” you lie. “Ya know, it’s why I didn't go to dinner.” Liar!  

Liam doesn’t believe you. That much is clear, you can see it all. You know him so well sometimes you wonder if the two of you could just have a conversation with facial expressions. Of course you could. He’s your best friend. He’s the man who you’ll love for so long and never get those feelings in return. Made to watch him play guard dog to Violet Sorrengail. To flirt with Violet Sorrengail. The thoughts cause a rush of tears to surge forward. You keep them at bay.

“Princess?” He asks softly.

“You know I don’t like it,” you respond quietly.

“I’m sorry, I know,” Liam says.

Something inside you cracks, a rage breaking. “Then why the hell did you call me that, Mairi?! Huh?” You snap. “Don’t you have places to be? Like with Violet Sorrengail. Didn’t you want to sleep in her room? Pretty Violet Sorrengail, daughter of the distinguished general.”

You’ve never snapped at him like this. “Is this about me not spending time with you because of Violet? If it is, I’ll try to find more time. Maybe–”

“No!! For gods’ sake, no,” you snap. Why is he so damn patient with you? Why won’t he scream back?!

“Is this because you–” Liam starts again.

“No!!” You shout. “No! This has nothing to do with Violet!” Liar, liar, you’re going to set Basgiath on fire . Every time you lie to Liam something inside you wants to confess all the more strongly.

“Then what is it? Is a physics concept truly this stressful–”

“No!” You shout again. Then the dam breaks. “Are you in love with Violet?”

Liam’s eyes widen in complete shock, but he doesn’t get a chance to speak. You don’t give him that opportunity.

“Because if you’re in love with her, Liam, well then. Then tell me! Don’t dodge around me or something. I see you two flirting.” You mimic him. “Oh Violet, I’d love to sleep in your room with you!” You fists curl as your voice lowers, the mimicking of your best friend stopping. “Look, you can like who you want to like, but for fuck’s sake Liam Mairi. I’m in love with you.” 

Liam opens his mouth to speak as you suck in a sharp breath. He doesn’t get a single word out. 

You can’t even process his facial expressions. You feel too angry to do that. “I am so in love with you!! I have loved you for so long, Liam. So godsdamn long. You’re too pretty, and I feel like you tease me then give me these little soft looks and you just keep stringing me along for this ride and–”

“Beautiful–”

 You’re too caught up in your train of thought to hear what Liam is saying.  “And well, it isn’t fair Liam. It doesn't feel fair that you’re in love with Violet Sorrengail when I’ve been here the whole time. You’re so good to me, Liam!! So good to me. I can’t look at those stupid carvings without falling more in love with you.” Your hands and arms fling wildly in gesture as you keep going. “What am I doing wrong?! ” You know it isn’t fair to Liam to ask such questions. These are the dangerous questions that cause breaks in friendships, but you can’t control your words right now. “What is so wrong with me?! Because I’m right here, Liam!! I’m right fucking here and–”

Suddenly you stop. Your brain isn’t able to process, and then it is. You feel his hands, your best friend’s hands, Liam Mairi’s hands resting on the side of your face. His body inches from yours. His lips have crashed against yours and then suddenly his mouth isn’t against yours anymore. Your eyes widen in shock, arms limp at your sides. His hands stay right where they belong, warm against your cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure how to get you to be quiet,” he murmurs quietly. “I should’ve asked.”

You just shake your head in disbelief, before gripping his shirt in your fists and dragging him closer, leaning close enough that your breaths mingle. Liam closes the rest of the distance as his hands gently slide to gently cup the back of your neck. 

The kiss is soft, but one that pours years of unconfessed feelings into it. Yet, it doesn’t demand anything more from you. He doesn’t demand anything more from you. Just a kiss. After some amount of unknown time Liam pulls away, meeting your gaze. 

“I know you’re right here, Princess. I’m right here too, and I’m not going anywhere.”

[hausofwoo]

when in berlin | jung wooyoung

pairing: jung wooyoung x afab reader

word count: 5.1K

summary: you move to the big city, yearning for a big change in your life, only find yourself feeling stuck all over again. that is, until you meet wooyoung, a perfect stranger who leads you on an unforgettable night of adventure and self discovery.

warnings: 18+, minors do not interact, non-idol au, strangers to lovers, alcohol consumption (but nothing crazy), unprotected piv (wrap it up!), use of a petname (baby), feat. work bestie!giselle.

author's note: i wanted to make a cute lil fluffy fic (with smut ofc) for my ult and this is what happened :-O i wanted to go a lil harder for him but i decided to save that for my next fic of him hehehe ALSO for reference, i imagined the club remix of umbrella to sound similar to this song, hope it captures the vibe. thank u to @hausofmingi and T for proofreading as always ♡

being new to the city was taking a toll on you.

you left your small town on a whim, eager to go out in the world: to experience something new, to get a bit of culture, to really find yourself. but all that you’ve found so far was a shitty low-paying job and a (suspiciously) low rent apartment on the east side. no one could blame you, you had just arrived and were still finding your footing.

you needed to get out; all you’ve really done in the past month of living here was work, eat and sleep. you desperately needed to socialize. so when your coworker invites you to go to a nightclub with her, you remind yourself that you’re here to try new things, and agree to go.

the line for the club is long. you expected this, it is a saturday night after all. you just weren’t really prepared to stand in line for half an hour. you’re dressed for the occasion, for in the club at least. it’s just outside the club that’s the issue, with cold air biting at your thighs in your all-too-tight dress. you check the time on your phone.

“giselle, it’s already 11:30,” you groan. “should we just go somewhere else?”

“but we’re so close to the front!” she quips. “just a little longer?”

giselle had been telling you all about this place, berlin. it was a club hidden in a basement in the heart of the city. apparently it plays all the hits, the actual good ones. and then at midnight, they always play some club remix of “umbrella” and bubbles descend from the ceiling. it sounded fun when she told you about it, but in this chilly air that’s only getting colder, you start to wonder if it’s worth it.

“fine,” you say, rubbing your arms to try to produce some sort of heat. “but if we miss umbrella then you owe me.”

giselle examines the long line ahead of you. “maybe we can get in with someone near the front?”

“giselle, no-” but before you can finish, she’s walking towards the front of the line.

you stay in your spot, feeling frozen in place. you watch her approach a group of men that seem to be around your age. you can see her nodding and smiling. since you met her, she’s definitely had a way with words. then, she looks back at you and points. suddenly feeling eyes on you, your face flushes in embarrassment, bringing heat back to your cheeks. you can’t really see the men, it’s dark and they’re a bit too far to see the details of their faces. giselle motions you over, and you’re hesitant, but you force yourself to be brave and cut the line.

as you make your way over, you can see the men getting their IDs checked and stamps pressed to their hands. you catch up to giselle, who’s fishing through her purse for her wallet.

“that was easy,” she giggles. “meet our new friends.”

you both turn to see the men being ushered in, not even getting a moment to introduce each other.

“oh. maybe we’ll catch up with them later,” giselle mumbles, swiping her ID from her wallet.

you shrug to her with a chuckle, ready to hold your hand out for a stamp.

following giselle down the stairs, the dark caverns of the stairwell were dimly lit with red lights. you can hear the music bumping distantly, and you wonder how much longer this set of stairs is. as soon as you reach the bottom, you realize it’s just a floor for the bathrooms and you have a whole new set waiting for you. the music grows louder and louder, and you start to feel the bass in your chest, or maybe your pulse is just beginning to rise in excitement for what’s to come.

a man that seems to be a bouncer guards the door leading to the actual club. as you both approach, he nods and pulls it open, unleashing the blasting sound and the heat of dancing bodies. you and giselle look at each other, smile, and rush right in.

you try and navigate your way through, opting to get drinks before anything else. you finally squeeze through the sweaty bodies to reach the bar, and giselle requests two tequila shots.

“tequila?” you repeat to her, struggling to yell over the music. “so it’s that kind of night?”

“oh yeah,” giselle says, grabbing the shots from the bar and paying her tab. “it’s that kind of night.”

you look at each other, doing a quick cheers and laughing almost out of giddiness. here’s to new experiences, you think to yourself.

slamming her empty glass down, giselle grabs your arm and starts leading you to the crowded dance floor. “now let’s fucking dance!”

swiveling through the crowd, you eventually land in the perfect spot right in the middle of the dance floor. the speakers are thumping some charli xcx song you know every word to, and the lights are flashing around you as well as the glistening bodies surrounding you. the crowd is jumping, singing to the song, dancing like no one is watching. you realize that you’ve been so tense all night, so you finally allow yourself to let loose.

you sing along with giselle, screaming the lyrics to each other and dancing to an unknown rhythm. but you don’t care how stupid you may look, you’re having way too much fun to think about the strangers around you. the alcohol slowly seeps through your veins, your head feeling lighter and your body more relaxed. with each song, you somehow don’t grow tired, only more exhilarated.

“i’m so glad we did this!” you attempt to yell to giselle.

“huh?!” she replies, not hearing you.

you brush it off with a laugh, continuing to jump along with her. the music switches to a song with a heavy bass, and you begin to feel the beats in the pit of your stomach. you melt into the music, letting every beat dictate your movements. the energy in the room changes, as if the pulsing sound awakened something in the crowd. you glance around, as if you’re trying to locate the source of the energy, before realizing you felt a pair of eyes on you.

there, across the flashing lights and moving bodies, you lock eyes with a stranger. despite the chaos around you, the stranger is standing still, maintaining eye contact with you. you feel a magnetic pull towards him, curiosity overcoming you. but before you can do anything about it, giselle pulls you deeper into the crowd. you can’t help but look back, searching for the eyes of that mysterious stranger.

“i think i’m gonna grab another drink,” you lean into giselle to say. “do you want anything?”

“i’m good for now!” she replies, continuing to dance.

you nod and try to part through the crowd, getting bumped and pushed a little too much for your liking. you escape the crowd only to another bustling one waiting around the bar. you sigh and run your fingers through your hair. this is gonna take a minute.

“you want a drink?” a man next to you says.

you prepare yourself to reject the man, having no interest in flirting with some random guy at a club. but when you look over, you notice it’s the man who was gazing at you across the dance floor. up close, he’s even more captivating. his dark hair is perfectly tousled and long strands of his tresses hang a bit over his face. his eyes contain a glint of curiosity, enhancing his mysterious demeanor. you catch yourself staring, and resort to nodding to him.

“what do you want?” he leans into your shoulder to murmur in your ear.

“uh, i think i just want a water,” you say, feeling yourself getting dizzy. you only had one shot and it’s wearing off quickly, and you realize the source is from a sudden wave of nerves.

you watch as he’s able to make his way to the edge of the bar top, not even needing to push and prod around the shifting bodies. in no time, he’s turning around with 2 waters, handing one to you. you take a big sip through the straw, trying so hard to maintain eye contact as he does the same. but his sharp brown eyes start to make you feel like jelly. how does he have this effect on you?

“i’m wooyoung,” he smiles, playing with his straw.

“hi wooyoung,” you say with a smile, telling him your name as well.

before you can continue, the song switches to the one you’ve been anticipating all night. umbrella. the crowd erupts in energy as the line around the bar immediately retreats to the dance floor. everyone knew what was about to happen. you look back at wooyoung with a smile on your face.

“let’s dance?” he says, grabbing your hand and steering you straight onto the dance floor.

you let out a giggle, seeing him holding your hand and looking back at you as pulls you in deeper. he pulls you into a spot big enough for the both of you, albeit very close. your faces are only inches apart, and you both gaze into each other’s eyes with growing interest. he then unleashes a sly grin, pointing to the ceiling above you. you look up to see a black metal box hanging from the ceiling.

“what is it?” you ask.

“wait for the chorus,” he lets out, slowly wrapping his arm around your waist.

you melt into his touch as the music pulses through your ears. you wrap your arms around his shoulders and let yourself sway to the rhythm. the lights are flashing blues and greens above you, glimmers reaching onto wooyoung’s face. you’re completely taken over by his trance, your eye contact persisting. his eyes break away to look up, watching the bubbles descend from the ceiling. you’re in awe from the whimsy around you, watching the bubbles fall onto the crowd.

it’s so silly in hindsight, the little light show and bubble machine. but with the way you feel the bass lines run through your whole body and the bubbles falling softly into your hair, you start to feel euphoric. wooyoung’s body melds into yours, grinding against you as he holds the small of your back. the bridge lifts the music to the height of the song, causing the bubbles to unleash tenfold.

“it’s so pretty!” you yell to him, attempting to catch them. you look to him smiling at you in admiration.

“oh my god,” you yelp, coming to a sudden realization. “giselle!”

you look around the crowd, searching for your friend. your eyes finally lock with hers, all while she’s dancing against a tall man.

“you okay?” you mouth to her.

she just nods eagerly, pointing behind to the man grinding against her. “I’M GOOD,” she mouths back with an OK hand signal.

you sigh in relief and turn back to wooyoung. a new song begins playing, but your focus is on him.

“wanna get out of here?” he says in your ear, before pulling back to see your expression.

you nod and allow him to pull you out of the crowd, weaving through the mass of people. he continues holding your hand all the way up the red stairwell, opening the door for you at the top of the stairs. as soon as you exit the building, you let out a big sigh.

“that was so fun,” you let out, smiling ear to ear. “now what?”

“i’m starving,” wooyoung says. “food?”

after getting something to eat at a food truck open a couple streets over, you and wooyoung arrive at a nearby park you found to sit in the grass. in the middle is a huge pond, with the moon reflecting along the soft ripples. you have a perfect view of the city, buildings looking massive and lights shining bright in the evening sky.

“it’s so beautiful,” you say under your breath, gazing at the sight before you.

wooyoung looks over at you. “yeah, it is.”

“you know, i just realized,” you start. “i’ve been in this city for a whole month and i haven’t even explored any of it yet.”

“why’s that?” wooyoung asks.

“i want to make the excuse of working too much, but it feels like a cop out,” you admit. “i’m just… completely new to this kind of lifestyle. this place has definitely been a culture shock.”

“so why’d you move here?” wooyoung shifts to face you more.

“i got tired of the monotony,” you say. “i wasn’t going anywhere back home. i felt so… stuck.” you run your fingers through your hair, and let out a dry laugh. “i thought maybe if i throw myself in an environment i know absolutely nothing about, i’d learn something about myself. that i’d figure out what the fuck i want to do with my life. but living here so far has only made me realize how scared i am.”

“what are you scared of?” he asks.

“that i’m way in over my head,” you sigh, half-joking. “do you ever feel that way?”

“all the time,” he says. “but i try to ignore it. we have to take risks, embrace the unknown. that’s the only way we can actually find ourselves.” you nod, and he puts his hand in yours. “it might feel scary right now, but you’ve just made the first step.”

“you’re right,” you saying, turning to look at him. “it’s funny, this is probably the biggest risk i’ve taken so far here.”

“ditching the club to go to a park?” wooyoung asks. “"we definitely need to get you on some more adventures." he stands up, extending his hand out to you.

“what, right now?” you ask, grabbing his hand to lift yourself up.

“the night is still young,” he smirks at you. “i know the perfect place to start.”

the park you were at was big, but you didn’t realize how big. wooyoung guides you through the expanse of it, finally reaching to one end with a large unlit building. you can’t make out what it is at first, until reaching close enough to realize what it is.

“a carousel?” you ask. wooyoung is ahead of you, leading the way. “but it’s closed!”

“does that matter?” he says mischievously, running to the side of the structure.

you linger behind, nervously scanning the area to ensure no one is around. if you get caught, you could be in a huge trouble. you’re not sure what kind of trouble, but you didn’t really want to find out. but before you can continue spiraling, the lights of the ride blink on and starts slowly spinning.

“how the hell…” you say to yourself.

you slowly approach the ride, feeling the anxiety slowly dissipate from your mind as you watch the lights illuminate before you and faint carnival music plays. as the carousel turns, you see wooyoung already on board, seated on an ornately decorated white horse.

“are you getting on or not?” he waves his hand, beckoning you over.

you clench your fists, taking a deep breath. before you even realize it, you find yourself hopping onto the ride, claiming the horse next to his.

as the carousel begins to pick up speed, you felt a surging sense of exhilaration running through your body. you watch the blurred city lights spinning around you in streaks of color, wind brushing through your hair. it’s dizzying, but somehow felt good. wooyoung’s laughter is contagious, and you catch yourself laughing too, the sound weaving into the faint carnival music. you look back at him, still smiling along with you.

“this is amazing!” you shout over the music, holding the pole tighter as the horse moves up and down.

“i knew you’d like it!” he says, voice filled with warmth.

wooyoung leans closer, your eyes locking onto each other. your breath hitches, the music and lights fading into the background. a gentle smile plays on his lips as he reaches his hand out to hold your cheek, starting to close the distance between you. just as your lips were about to touch, the machine starts to shut down, and a flash of light hits your face. you bring your hand up to shield your eyes.

“hey!” a man’s voice yells out. “you can’t be on there!”

shit. you’ve been caught. you look over to wooyoung, who promptly grabs your hand and starts running. the last bit of momentum of the ride boosts you off and you trip over yourself.

“hey! get back here!” you see that it’s park security yelling, and they’re starting to run towards you.

wooyoung lifts you up from the ground, and as soon as you regain your composure, you start bolting. you both run hand in hand, laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. wooyoung looks back, the security guard still on your tail. you reach the edge of the park, not sure which way to turn. wooyoung steps in the street, waving his hand out for a car. you look back to see the guard nearly caught up to you.

“wooyoung, we gotta go!” you yell.

he lets out a loud whistle, prompting an almost-passing taxi to halt a few feet in front of you. you both hop in, wooyoung telling the taxi to just start driving. the driver follows, continuing down the street.

you’re both out of breath, heaving from the sudden running. you look at each other and laugh.

“well…” you say. “what next?”

“oooh, i like it,” wooyoung teases. “you almost get caught and you’re already ready for more?”

“shut up,” you say, shoving his shoulder.

“mind telling me where to go?” the driver says.

“oh, sorry,” wooyoung chuckles, pulling out his phone. “can you take us here?” he shows an address to him. the man inputs the directions and reroutes.

“where are we going?” you ask.

“just a little party,” he says.

you arrive to the address, staring at the building as wooyoung pays the taxi. it’s a high-rise apartment building, and it looks nice—like, your entire salary worth for one month nice.

“um, wooyoung,” you say hesitantly. “who’s party is this?”

he wraps his arm around you. “it’s some famous DJ.”

“do you know this famous DJ?” you ask, almost not wanting to know the answer.

“nope,” he replies, walking you both through the tall glass doors.

“then how the fuck do we plan on getting in?” you whisper-yell to him. “this is an apartment building!”

wooyoung takes his arm off of you and points to the front desk. “well for starters, there’s no doorman.”

“that’s only half the problem!” you say as you step into the elevator.

he puts his hand under your chin teasingly, forcing you to make direct eye contact. “just trust me.”

the elevator doors open to a huge hallway, white walls covered with lavish paintings and the floors a shiny marble. near the end of the hallway, you can see a couple people loitering around the entrance of an apartment. there’s a man guarding the door, most likely security. wooyoung starts walking confidently towards the door, you following behind wondering how the hell he’s gonna pull this off. he approaches the guard and nearly grabs the doorknob.

“name?” the man says flatly, holding his arm out.

“oh yeah, i’m—” wooyoung starts, then stop when the door swings open to let a few people out. he takes a glimpse inside, then suddenly seeming like he sees someone he recognizes. “oh, hey chris!”

a man inside waves back, although looking a bit confused. the security guard sees the exchange, momentarily taken off guard.

“mind if i go join my friend?” wooyoung says, trying to continue his ruse. “he’s been waiting for us all night.”

the guard remains skeptical, causing wooyoung to lean in closer to him. “look, he invited us personally. if we don’t get in, it’s on him. you know how these things go.”

not wanting to cause a scene, the guard hesitantly nods and lets you both through. as you walk into the lavish space, you can’t even wonder how the hell that worked. all that matters is that it did, and now you’re here, in this huge place swarming with undoubtedly rich party-goers and music blaring in your ears. you follow wooyoung as he makes his way to the kitchen island, grabbing drinks for both of you.

“what should we cheers to?” wooyoung grins, handing it to you.

“maybe our new friend chris?” you say, giggling.

“to chris!” he says, clinking his glass to yours. you both take a sip.

“you’re crazy,” you say to him. “i can’t believe that actually worked.”

“confidence is key,” he winks, taking another sip. “should we explore?”

you nod, turning to trail him as you head towards a hallway of doors. unsure which one to pick, you look at wooyoung.

“one of these doors has GOT to lead to something cool,” he says, already walking up to one of them. he opens the door and promptly closes it with a surprised look on his face.

“what was it?” you ask, curious as ever.

“let’s just say some guy is getting very lucky tonight,” he says, holding back a laugh. “maybe i should’ve knocked.”

you put your hand over your mouth in an attempt to hold back a laugh, but seeing wooyoung’s shocked face sends you over the edge. you let out a muffled cackle, causing wooyoung to crack up too.

“shhhh!” he says, still laughing with you. he walks up to the next door. “let’s try this one.”

he opens the door to a dark room. you can’t really tell what it is, until walking in and letting your eyes adjust.

“they have a fucking movie theater?” you say, looking at the plush red couches around you and huge screen before you. “how famous is this DJ?”

“i don’t know, but i’m gonna need chris to introduce us,” wooyoung says, plopping down into a seat. he pats the spot next to him, prompting you to join.

“how did you find out about this party anyway?” you ask, getting comfortable on the couch.

“a friend of a friend saw a story and blah blah blah… does it matter?” wooyoung says, chuckling.

“you must go on a lot of adventures,” you say.

“i guess so,” he says, shrugging. “you know, i was kinda like you when i first moved here. it felt like i was just living like a zombie… wake up, go to work, come home exhausted, fall asleep, and the cycle starts all over again. i didn’t even realize i was avoiding what i was meant to do when i moved here.”

“and what’s that?” you ask.

“same as you,” he says, leaning his shoulder against yours. “same as everyone who moves here, to find myself.”

“and?” you ask.

“and did i find myself?” he says. “no clue. but at least i’m having fun.” he breaks into a smile, eyes meeting yours. you can’t help but to smile back.

“i guess having fun is a good start,” you reply. “maybe that’s exactly what i need.”

“i can help with that,” wooyoung whispers with a smile, leaning in towards you. your eyes flick from his eyes down to his lips, feeling the magnetism between you pulling you closer.

the theater door swings open behind you with two men charging in.

“yeah man, i don’t fucking know this guy!” your used-to-be friend chris says to the security guard approaching you.

“alright, you two,” the guard huffs. “party’s over.”

wooyoung and you immediately jump up, running to the opposite side of the theater to loop around and push past “chris” to escape out the theater door. you run together, attempting to open each door in the hallway to find some sort of place to hide. when one of them leads to a bathroom, you both rush in and slam the door behind you to lock it. wooyoung presses you against the door, his hand resting just above your head.

your breath trembles as you look up at wooyoung. he places his hand on your cheek, examining your face before closing the distance between you in a hungry kiss. he presses you close against his body, moving his other hand to hold your waist. the kiss was all-consuming, finally allowing all the built up tension to finally release between your bodies. your lips meld into his as you card your fingers through his long hair, not wanting to let go.

a knock shakes the door against your back as a man yells for you two to get out. but the threatening voice is just another sound in the background, your mind is only on wooyoung. you separate for moment, foreheads leaning against each other.

“let’s go somewhere more private,” wooyoung whispers. you smile and allow him to lead the way.

as you arrive at wooyoung’s place, you cling to him, allowing his lips to meet yours in a passionate embrace. you stumble over each other as he moves you backwards toward the bedroom, giggles escaping both of you. your clothes fall to the ground in the process, nearly ripping them off each other. you fall back onto the bed and wooyoung hovers over you, continuing to kiss you ravenously. his hands roam up and down your body, almost as if he wants to feel every inch of you—as if he wants to worship you. he slots between your legs, grinding against your core as he begins kissing your neck.

your body is aching for him, it’s been aching for him all night. the moment you saw him, the energy between you felt electric. and even now, with his body pressed against yours, the undeniable chemistry flows among you. your moans are inescapable, with the desire building in your stomach. wooyoung lifts himself slightly to move a wandering hand down to your heat, pushing your underwear to the side to feel your dripping core.

“so wet,” his muffled voice against your skin, before moving to meet your lips again.

he gathers your wetness upwards, beginning to rub circles around your clit. you moan into his mouth, relishing in the agonizing stimulation. he dips his fingers back down to your hole, entering his two middle fingers slowly. as he inches in, you clench around him, eager to take them. he thrusts his fingers in and out, progressively reaching deeper inside you. when he starts curling his digits to reach your g spot, you break away from his kiss to let out a wanton moan.

“wooyoung, i need to feel you,” you murmur, urging him to take off his underwear with you following suit.

he guides his cock to your entrance, dragging upwards to stimulate your clit. he drags back down and pushes his cockhead against your fluttering hole. your legs tangle around his waist, squeezing as if to tell him please, please fuck me. he pushes into you, causing you to release a sharp gasp at the size. he holds the side of your face, caressing gently as he gradually begins thrusting.

the sounds of your strangled breaths fill the room as he continues his movements into you. waves of pleasure ripple throughout your body, making you dig your nails into his shoulder blades. his body moves in perfect harmony with yours, emitting a raw, unspoken passion. your legs wrap around him even tighter, your heated bodies melding into each other even deeper. the connection between you feels magnetic, and it only grows stronger with each thrust. his gaze meets yours, eyes filled with lust.

“you feel so fucking good,” he says between breaths, and places tender kisses along your jawline.

“please, don’t stop,” you manage to reply, pleasure taking over.

he lifts his body up to piston into you, hips snapping against you. his moans are unrelenting, the grip on your thighs tightening as the heat in your stomach begins to grow. he feels the way your core contracts around him, causing him to release one hand from your thigh to now focus on toying with your clit. this increases the clenching, nearly taking his breath away in pleasure. his thumb’s pace quickens, bringing the tension in your core to an unbearable peak.

“wooyoung, i’m gonna cum,” you moan, feeling the cord in you ready to snap.

“cum with me, baby,” he replies, his pace persisting. you can feel his grip start to tighten as he angles himself just right in you, causing you to completely come undone.

the room around you fades away as pure ecstasy overcomes you, not even holding back the straight up pornographic moans each of you are letting out. the tightening of your core around him makes his hips stutter, filling you completely with his release. the rolls of his hips begin to slow, fucking the last bit of his cum into you. he lets out a satisfied groan, falling on top of you while still inside.

your chest rises and falls in staggered breaths, finally coming down from your high. your run your fingers through wooyoung’s hair as he nestles in your neck. he hums against you softly, sending vibrations against your skin.

you wonder if this will be a one time thing—if he was just the perfect stranger you needed to meet in order to discover yourself. that he was just a stepping stone to urge you forward on your path, soon to be left behind but never forgotten. your heart sinks at the thought of it. you didn’t want that to be the case, because what you felt with him felt too real. that there’s this undeniable intense pull that made you crave more, and you ache at the thought of letting this go.

wooyoung gently holds the side of your neck, soft breathing tickling at you as his thumb slowly caresses you.

“sooo,” he starts. “what are you doing tomorrow?”

a smile spreads across your face as you realize that this perfect stranger won’t remain a stranger for long.

a/n: yeah so this was very self-indulgent but i have no regrets. i'm defo gonna make tonssss more woo fics, especially sub!woo, so stay tuned for that. 3rd fic ever so plz leave feedback and reblog to support me! thank uuuuuu ✧*

✰taglist✰ @skz1-4-3 @oddracha @luvbit3z

[mochinomnoms]

For the Shrimper Chronicles: what about Azul realizing he’s in love with the shrimpy, and even realizing he probably has loved Jade and Floyd for a long time?

Doesn’t have to be a written thing, but I just think the idea of him having that realization would be cute—

Him realizing he doesn’t want to leave on his visits. Him realizing he misses Jade and Floyd. And he’s such an emotionally constipated dude, he probably tries to choke the idea out of existence. Maybe he gets a bit snippy or tries to bury himself in work and be distant. Though I think the twins would start to notice his change in behavior.

Maybe when he gets more comfortable, giving cute little courtship “test” trinkets to get a feel for it.

I wonder if there’d be a hierarchy to who he gives trinkets to first? Like, when courting an established poly, does he approach the shrimpy or the eels first? I feel like he’d probably spend a lot of time thinking on that.

TLDR: adorably overthinking octopus has a crisis on whether to/how to court a poly of his dear friends lol.

-👹🎏 (Devil Fish Anon?)

For me personally, I feel that the octopolycule would have had to already started with the twins and Azul during NRC in order for it to work. It feels like a more natural progression of their relationship from “business” associates to friends to lovers, which I can't really see happening when they get older. If you add in the relationship with Shrimpy, I feel like there's even less of a chance of it happening.

It's not impossible, though! I can see the polycule still happening later on if it was a case of the tweels and Azul knowing they liked each other deep down, but seeing Azul's childhood effected his sense of self-worth and ability to really get close to others, nothing ever happens.

When you come into the picture and get closer and closer to the three of them, that same issue happens again. Azul probably feels a bit of an ache in his heart when the three of you get together, but he'd never admit it.

The ache is worse because the three of you seem insistent on making him a cornerstone of your lives, he's at your home more than he is at his own! Forced to be a giant pillow for you three, as Floyd in particular giggles about how soft and squishy he is. Floyd has always been like that, though, even though Azul doesn't want to admit that the nuzzling is new.

Jade, despite his parents' insistence on taking more charge in the family business, still acts his right-hand man, often staying late with Azul at his restaurants. He's always ensuring Azul eats well…extraordinarily well…based on the complicated and filling meals he makes. Azul doesn't want to put more meaning into it, caecilians might court via food, but morays don't…mostly anyways.

You seem particularly insistent on involving him with your little ones' lives, much more than any uncle should be. He doesn't want to mistake the adoring look in your eye as he cradles one of the fries in his arms. The worst part is that he can't bring himself to argue against it when he starts being called 'Baba Zuzu', it's so cute, so sweet, and he just wants to pretend that the kids are his too when you curl into his side with the fries in his arms.

He is just ever so slightly emotionally stunted, and as smart as he is, he also is an Olympic Pro at mental gymnastics. My favorite way of the polycule becoming official is when Azul is laying in bed with all three of them, you in his arms, Floyd practically splayed over him and you on the left side, and Jade tangling his tail with Azul's tentacles as he rests his chin on the top of his head. And let's not forget the kids curled with each other on top of his chest.

It takes a moment, just as Azul is falling into a blissful sleep, cradled against his family, when the 'his' part of that sentence hits. His eyes snap open, as he realizes.

"Wait a second..."

[nostalgicmiscellaneous]

This is long, but i need to get this out of my chest:

I have made so many post defending Penelope when people talked about her issues, her traumas but right now i feel like defending Colin.

As a woman, sometimes i naturally tend to feel defensive and shield the girl but i need to be fair here. Colin's feelings and trust were deeply hurt, Colin is insecure, soft, thoughtful, introspective, sensitive and suffers with a inferiority complex, and he struggles to know his place in society and among the people he loves, on what he should do and the expectations of society from a 22 years old man.

What many don't seem to realize is that Colin, even before knowing Penelope is LW, was very insecure about what she loves in him ( and even if she did in fact love him, because she was about to marry someone else), about being worth of her, he says he wants to do something, to publish his diaries because he wants her to be proud of him…he already didn't think he was good enough for and to her. Colin is insecure about not being good enough in every aspect of his life, tbh. His lack of purpose, faith in himself and on others loving him from whom he is runs deep. His moment of vulnerability telling how much Penelope not answering to his letters affected him, his family too was very revealing. Him screaming at Pen with tears in his eyes that he felt foolish that she read his diaries and praised him as something special. This is something i've noticed even in other seasons too. The family not caring much about his need to connect and his somewhat strained relationship with Anthony, who wasn't really a good male figure to him. It's about male ego? A bit, but it's deeper than that in the series.

Another issue is, he put Pen in a pedestal too ( much like Pen did until 2x8), to be honest, and that is never a good thing, because people are not perfect. And he needed to learn all that. There is disappointment there. But, again, it goes further. It’s him not knowing her as he thinks he should. It’s him perceiving her humanity but reflecting on his own. We have to remember he's so happy because Pen chose him, because he thinks now he's someone's priority and he's someone's focus. He has the immature idea that you should be everything in every way to the person you love, and if you can't be their protector and the hero in their eyes, why should anyone love you?

Then he finds out…and his worldview crumbles. Not only Penelope broke his trust and hurt him deeply - and she never told him and never would have - and it wasn't just himself but his family too, but she shattered his belief he knew and connected with her better than almost anyone else, she shattered his barely there newly found confidence and sense of purpose, what he thought was his sense of self now. All modern sensibilities tend to be ruffled about this, but i think it's a fitting conflict that he would have issues with her being so self-sufficient, so successful while he believes himself to be less, way less than her, so to Colin she doesn't need him, and if she doesn't need him, why would she love him? Why should she love him?

Again, there is the side of him conflicted about knowing her. The pedestal was broken, because she lied to him. She is this powerful, talented, successful woman on her own, not just the pretty shy girl with sweetness and great witty personality that he loves, the one that thinks the world of him. She talked about him, she criticized him and while it rings true deep down, it rings devastation, because she could see beyond his farce and it makes him look and feel pathetic.

So he's struggling with two things: on how to love her, all of her, and how to feel good enough for her, love himself. He's trying to accept her new wonderful aspects and her hurtful flaws because he never stopped loving her, in no moment we see anything but love when that man looks at her, when that man is crying because of her and his deep sadness and longing, his anger is laced with so much love for her. He's angry at her but mostly at himself and he needs to figure it out a way to feel like he deserves to be loved by her. It fuels his issues and he also over compensates.

His hang ups with LW becomes his tangible target. Not only he sees as a dangerous thing to her, it puts her at risk, and with that in mind he can put himself in a role of her protector again, but he fixates on the idea that without Whistledown she's the Pen that he can believe is able to love him even if he's not good enough. Without Whistledown she's not so much above him and not so far from him, because Whistledown is her critical eye, it's Penelope appraising people very analytically and if she looks closely, he doesn't think she will see much in him, as she proved before with he S3 ep1 comment. He wants to get rid of it.

Sure, he's jealous too, he envies her success but exactly because he resents how much that makes him less worthy. It's also another thing that he thinks she's putting above him. He couldn't see clearly that it wasn't something outside herself (and he gets it after), but part of who she is, and all of those parts loves him. It's foolish and it's nonsensical because he doesn't understand that she has seen his flaws but she loves him anyway. He needed reassurance just as much as Pen needed. He needed her to keep on telling she loved him and why, because it heals him.

Some people were upset he didn't make love to her that day he went to get a blanket, but i get it. He wants it, he wants her so badly, you can see it. Colin has problems communicating and doing what he wants because he feels pathetic, jealous and that makes him feel worse, makes him feel shame. It’s him, not her that was the issue at that point. His connection with her runs deeper, it's respecting her and himself, with all the conflicted feelings why he didn’t.

It’s a slow process and i’m bloody glad it took its time to be resolved. But he starts understanding that his way wont help them, it wont bring them closer. He wont solve things by controlling and being the hero. He can’t change the past, he can’t change who they are. He wont solve anything by repressing his love.

Pen words help him figuring out a lot, her spoken words directed to him and her written words that he reads again. She needs him. She tells him she needs him and his love, not grand actions. He can show love and be worthy by supporting her. He starts to understand and ACCEPT that Whistledown is Pen, and loving Pen will include that part of her personality. He grasps that it was always there and it never made a difference in how much she loved being around him and him her, how much attention she dedicated to him, how much her words, in her letters, were full of admiration for him, to her love to him, how much she is his special person. She needs him just as much he needs her, she needs his love, his charm, his intelligence, his humor, his integrity, she needs him because without him she doesn’t feel complete, she doesn’t feel happy. He’s a good man, a fine man that makes her happy, always have. And he realizes she inspires him, she always had, and that isn't a problem, that having her helping him is not a problem, because he helps her too in many ways. It’s only when he can accept himself as equal and entitled to her love as she is to his that they could truly be together and happy.

Colin had the right to feel hurt, had the right to have his insecurities, had the right to need time and had the right to need space, had the right to lash out, had the right to come to term with the changes and surprises life threw at him, specially as a sensitive person that he very much is, and i'm glad the show didn't rush that.

[glowettee]

💌 glowettee hotline issue #002: finding yourself after burn-out

(a few other details have been given to me, ex: elle woods dreams, however i didn't show that <3)

hi darling, hope you're having a lovely day!!

i'm so grateful you reached out with your question today, because it sounds like you're feeling so lost and burnt out rn. i totally understand how it feels to have been that motivated, gifted student who reached for the sky, and now feel like nothing is worth it. i've been there too, and i know that sometimes the pressure, burnout, and inner doubts can really weigh you down. so, hopefully some honest and detailed advice from me can help you get back on track with your schooling, reignite that spark, and start working towards your elle woods dreams. like being in a good headspace, working out consistently, and even acing those grades.

⊹₊⟡⋆finding yourself after burn-out⊹₊⟡⋆

by mindy @glowettee (glowettee hotline, submit here for personal advice: https://bit.ly/glowetteehotline)

𐙚taking a moment to acknowledge your feelings𐙚

firstly, darling, it’s important to know that it’s okay to feel this way. burnout and feeling lost isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign that you’ve been giving so much of yourself and that you might need a little break or a new approach. sometimes we set expectations that are so high that when we’re not meeting them, we feel like failures. remember, your value isn’t determined by your grades or how perfectly you stick to your plan.

• allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling without judgement. • consider writing down your thoughts in a journal; sometimes putting our feelings on paper can be really cathartic. • remind yourself that this phase is temporary and that you literally have the strength to overcome it.

2. 𐙚reassessing your goals and dreams𐙚

i know you once had a sky-high vision and a deep motivation to be someone amazing. now, it might feel like those dreams are just too far away. but sometimes, our dreams need a bit of tweaking to fit our current circumstances.

• break down your big dreams into smaller, manageable goals. instead of focusing on becoming a straight a student all at once, set smaller targets like improving one subject at a time. • create a vision board (physical or digital) with images, quotes, and ideas that inspire you. having a visual reminder of what you want can help reignite your passion. • remember that it's perfectly okay for your goals to evolve. just because you're facing challenges now doesn't mean you can't dream big; it might just mean your approach needs to change.

3. 𐙚creating a gentle routine to ease the burn𐙚

burnout often comes when our routines get overwhelming. it might be time to build a daily ritual that’s gentle, supportive, and kind to your mind and body.

• start your day with small but meaningful tasks-- like enjoying a quiet cup of tea or a few minutes of meditation. • plan out a simple schedule that includes time for homework, self-care, exercise (even a short walk counts), and hobbies. try not to overload your day. • integrate movement into your routine in a way that feels fun rather than forced. you might consider a fun dance routine, a brisk walk with your favorite playlist, or even a short yoga session. • create reminders throughout your day to take breaks. a five-minute pause can do wonders for your energy. • set a bedtime that lets you recharge. sleep is crucial for healing burnout and for any brain that’s trying to keep up with the pressure of school.

4. 𐙚finding support in unexpected places𐙚

feeling isolated and like you’re nothing can be incredibly draining, especially when you feel like you’re handling everything on your own. i truly believe that finding a little support can be the key to rediscovering your inner strength.

• reach out to someone you trust: a teacher, a counselor, a friend, or even a family member. sometimes just talking about how you feel can lift a huge weight off your shoulders. • consider joining a study group or club at school that interests you. surrounding yourself with peers who share your passion can remind you how valuable your unique perspective is. • if you ever feel like your burnout is taking a toll on your mental health, know that professional support (like a school counselor or therapist) can really help you navigate these feelings. i know many wonderful people who have benefited from this kind of support. • remember that social media can be a wonderful place for community: maybe look into supportive online communities or even tumblr groups where people share tips on academic success and self-care. (i have a tumblr community: https://www.tumblr.com/join/E5N0qIqo)

5. 𐙚rediscovering your self-worth through self-care𐙚

self-care is so much more than a trendy phrase, it’s the practice of honoring your own well-being, emotionally, mentally, and physically. here’s how you can start to rebuild that lost sense of self-worth:

• create a self-care checklist that you can refer to daily. it might include: 1. writing down three things you love about yourself. 2. spending 10 minutes in meditation or deep breathing. 3. enjoying a favorite hobby without feeling guilty about it. 4. treating yourself to something small, like a delicious snack or a relaxing bath. • sometimes, the little things make the biggest difference. consider allowing yourself guilt-free breaks where you watch a short, funny video or read something that makes you smile. • remember that exercise and physical self-care go hand in hand with mental clarity. you mentioned wanting to work out consistently, maybe set a modest goal like a 15-minute workout a few times a week, and gradually build from there. • affirmations are a powerful tool. start your day by saying out loud, "i am enough" or "i deserve to take care of myself." it might seem silly at first, but these little words can change your mindset over time. (i have a post here: confident affirmations post)

6. 𐙚re-engaging with your studies𐙚

it sounds like skipping classes has now become a coping mechanism for you, but i truly believe you can find a way back to feeling engaged and motivated in your studies. here are a few tips:

• set small, time-bound goals. if getting back to a full schedule feels overwhelming, start small. commit to attending classes or studying for 20 minutes at a time. • create a study space that feels calm and inviting. decorate it in a way that makes you happy. a few pretty trinkets, soft lighting, or even a little plant can transform the energy of the room. • try mixing up your study methods. if reading aloud feels tiring, incorporate videos, podcasts, or interactive websites to bring the material to life. sometimes changing the medium can make learning exciting again. (i have a post for study methods i use here: study techniques post) • form a study group with classmates who motivate each other. you might be pleasantly surprised to find that others also feel burnt out, and together you can create a supportive environment where no one feels alone. • keep track of small wins. maybe your grades have dropped, but celebrate every little improvement, no matter how small. acknowledging progress can build momentum for more success.

7. 𐙚embracing imperfection and healing𐙚

it's important to remember that no one is perfect. especially during times of stress and transition. your past self, the intelligent girl who reached for the sky, still lives within you. she’s just taking a pause to breathe and heal.

• forgive yourself for not feeling perfect right now. let go of the idea that you must constantly be at your best. giving yourself permission to rest is a form of strength, not weakness. • gradually, let yourself embrace imperfection by trying new things without the fear of failing. each small step, even if it’s a completed homework assignment or simply showing up to class, it all counts towards the bigger picture. • involve yourself in activities that make your heart sing. sometimes, engaging in something creative (like writing, painting, or dancing) can remind you of the beautiful person you are becoming. • remember that healing isn’t linear. there might be days when you feel like you’re back to square one, and that’s ok. every day is a new opportunity to try again.

8. 𐙚planning for a brighter future𐙚

dreaming of living your elle woods dreams isn’t just about achieving the impossible, it’s about building a life that feels good for you. consider these points as you plan for the future:

• break down your dream life into actionable steps. maybe start with a workout schedule, then gradually build academic goals, or plan little self-reward moments when you hit a milestone. • research inspirational stories of others who faced burnout and came back stronger. in reading about how others’ve reclaimed their motivation, you might find the encouragement you need • visualize your future success. each night, take a few minutes to imagine your ideal day, feeling energized, focused, and happy. this visualization can work as a beacon of hope on tougher days. • maintain a flexible plan. life can be unpredictable, so allow your goals to evolve as you grow. sometimes, the path to success isn’t a straight line but a winding trail full of learning curves.

i know how overwhelming it feels when burnout takes hold, so here are 10, in-depth ideas from my own journey that i truly believe can guide you back to feeling motivated and inspired.

micro-adventure journal i started a micro-adventure journal at a time when every day felt like a repeat of the last, and it completely changed my perspective. instead of fixating on those huge, far-off goals that seemed so intimidating, i began documenting the little adventures that brightened my day. sometimes, it was just noticing the way sunlight reflected on my window during a brief walk or savoring a new flavor at a cozy coffee shop. writing down these moments, adding little doodles or quotes that resonated with me, slowly built up a treasure trove of memories. on days when you feel like nothing is happening, i promise you this journal will remind you that life is made up of countless small wonders that add up to something truly beautiful.

no-pressure creativity hour i learned that setting aside an hour solely for creative play can be magically healing. this isn’t about perfect art or fancy projects, it’s simply a time to let your inner child roam free, to explore, experiment, and laugh without judgment. i remember one day, i spent an hour painting with watercolors, not caring if i made any sense of it all, just letting the colors mix and blend in their own way. that creative hour lifted a weight off my shoulders and reminded me that learning and living can be playful. try dedicating a regular slot to just be creative, and watch how it helps dissolve the relentless pressure of perfect performance.

sensory sanctuary in your space i truly believe in the power of a personal haven, a little corner where you can retreat and simply be. in my room, i carved out a tiny space with soft lighting, a gently scented candle, and a comfortable cushion where i can sit with my thoughts. this sensory sanctuary became my go-to spot when the demands of school or life felt too heavy. each time i sat there, i let the gentle aromas, the quiet ambience, and the tangible warmth remind me that i deserve moments of pure calm. creating your own sensory oasis, even if it’s a small part of your room, can be a daily reminder that your wellbeing matters and that you always deserve a break.

unexpected wins jar i made a little unexpected wins jar during one of my most challenging periods. every time something good happened, even if it was a smile from a friend, a completed assignment i thought was impossible, or even a moment of self-realization, i wrote it down on a small piece of paper and dropped it into the jar. on days when negativity overwhelmed me, i would pull out one of those notes and read it, it would immediately make me happy. this simple ritual transformed how i valued small victories and helped me start each day with a better sense of hope and gratitude.

learning buddy ritual no one should have to face these overwhelming feelings alone, which is why i reached out to a friend who was also struggling. we decided to become learning buddies, meeting regularly just to chat, share our frustrations, and even tackle our schoolwork together in a low-pressure setting. we celebrated each small win together, and on tougher days, just knowing that someone else understood me made a world of difference. having a sincere connection like this helped both of us see our academic challenges in a kinder, more manageable light.

future-self letters one of the most touching practices i embraced was writing letters to my future self. during a very trying phase, i sat down and poured my heart out, describing my struggles, my hopes, and my dreams without holding back. i sealed those letters with a promise to read them at a later date, maybe a few months or even a year later. when i finally opened them, i was amazed at how much i had grown and changed; those letters became a time capsule of resilience and hope. i encourage you to try this, as it can serve as a powerful reminder of your inner strength and the progress that often goes unseen day to day.

regular energy audits i began scheduling weekly "energy audits" as a way to truly understand the ebbs and flows of my own wellbeing. each sunday evening, i spent some quiet moments reflecting on the week, what drained me, what lifted me up, and what small actions made a noticeable difference. this self-reflection allowed me to adjust my routine mindfully, prioritizing the moments that truly nurtured my spirit. you can learn to schedule your tasks and breaks in a way that honors your energy. it’s like having a personal blueprint that guides you to where you feel most alive.

⊹₊⟡⋆final thoughts⊹₊⟡⋆

i truly hope these personal tips resonate with you and help you reconnect with the brilliant, motivated self that’s still inside, even on days when you feel lost. each idea here comes from a place of deep personal experience, and while every journey is unique, i believe that these practices can create gentle shifts toward rediscovering your inner light. take your time with each one, be kind to yourself through the process, and remember that every small step forward is a victory.

sending all love and all the good vibes!! feel free to reach out anytime, i'm always here to listen and help you through these twists and turns.

xoxo, mindy 🤍

[mariasont]

hii, i love how your brain works so muuuch! this is my first time requesting something, but could you maybe write a story where reader is pretty intelligent and in a relationship with hotch, and they both get invited to dinner at readers house, but her whole family is also really smart and a bit condescending to reader (maybe because she's the youngest sibling or something?) and she feels inadequate but hotch notices and reassures her/defends her? if you can't or you want to take the story in a different way it's totally okay, i would love to read whatever you write!

Sum of Their Expectations - A.H

hotch had thought meeting your family was just another formality, an inevitable step in your relationship. but after an evening with them he realizes two things — they will never deserve you, and you will never have to face them alone again.

pairings: aaron hotchner x fem!reader warnings: toxic family dynamics, self-worth issues, verbal and emotional manipulation, hurt/comfort, happy ending! a little hint to their being an age gap but wc: 1.5k

You were always the sun in any room. Aaron had learned that early, long before he ever kissed you, before he let himself admit how much he wanted to. You were warmth and sharp wit, laughter wrapped in resilience. A person who could mold tragedy in your hands and soften its jagged edges, who could make a stranger feel like they belonged. You were brilliant, too, effortlessly so, in a way that never felt like arrogance.

And yet here, at this table, surrounded by the people who should know you best, you are quiet. 

You look small. He had never seen you try to take up less space before, had never seen your hands tremble when you reach for a glass of wine.

And he had never, never felt the kind of anger he was feeling now. This anger was different. It was personal.

This was anger with nowhere to go but toward the people sitting across from him, completely unaware he was already deciding exactly how he was going to make them regret underestimating you.

“She’s always been a bit of a dreamer,” your mother says, swirling her wine in slow circles. “Never really settled on what she wanted to do. But I suppose some people just take longer to figure things out.”

Aaron’s grip on his fork tightens, the pressure building until he swears he can fill the silver bend. He wonders if they even listen to themselves. If they realize how easily they strip you down, whittle you down to something unfinished. As if you are lost. As if you have not created a space for yourself in a world that demands proof of existence, proof of value, at every goddamn turn.

You laugh, but it’s not real. It’s that too-bright, too-sharp laugh that he’s heard you use only when you’re uncomfortable, when you don’t want to cause a scene. And he sees it — your fingers, the way they pick at the edge of your napkin, twisting and twisting until the fabric begins to fray. You also do that sometimes, when you’re nervous, but it’s frantic now.

He covers your hand with his own. His grip steady and grounding. The way he hopes to be for you. And when your eyes finally lift to his, something splinters inside him. 

You look ashamed.

Ashamed. Like you are the one who has done something wrong. Like their careless words, their thoughtless cruelty, are yours to answer for. 

The creeping anger that has been simmering in his veins sharpens into something lethal.

Because you had told him you didn’t want to come. 

Not in words, not directly. But you had given him plenty else — the slight pause before answering, the too-quick way you brushed off the suggestion, the way you changed the subject as if the thought of it left a bad taste in your mouth.

He had thought — foolishly, selfishly — that it was nothing more than the usual reluctance that came with family. That maybe it was the age difference, or his job, or the natural intimidation that came with being in a relationship with someone like him. And he had assured you that all families had their dysfunction, that he wanted to meet yours, wanted to understand the people who had shaped you.

He had even dared to picture them as the ones he would ask for their blessing one day, imagined the moment when he would look them in the eyes and promise them that no one — no one — would ever love you like he did. 

Now, all he can think is that he should have listened. That your reluctance wasn’t just shyness or discomfort — it had been foresight. And he had ignored it.

“And then, of course, she’s always been a bit… sensitive,” your mother muses again, dabbing her napkin at the corner of her mouth, eyes flicking toward you. “Not always the easiest to reason with, you know. I imagine that must be frustrating for you, Aaron, given your line of work.”

“She’s not difficult to reason with,” he says, gaze like steel.  “She just doesn’t cater to people who mistake condescension for conversation. I imagine that must be frustrating for you.”

Your father barely begins to form a word before Aaron moves.

It’s not rushed. There’s no aggression in the way he stands, no dramatic scrape of his chair against the hardwood, no flash of temper. The cloth from his lap is placed neatly onto the table, then, without a word, he reaches for your jacket, draping it over your shoulders.

“Thank you for your hospitality,” he says. “It’s a shame the company didn’t live up to it.”

His tone is mild, almost polite — but there’s an unmistakable edge beneath it, a sharpness so cleanly delivered it might almost take them a moment to realize they’ve been cut.

You move too quickly, nearly knocking your chair in your rush to follow him. Your hands are unsteady as you smooth down your jacket, blinking rapidly, breath uneven. You’re embarrassed. Still trying to hold it together. Still trying to make it easier for them.

He waits just a second, just long enough to see if anyone at this table will reach for you, will say something that resembles an apology, will make any effort at all to fix what they’ve done.

No one does.

He exhales slowly, his patience burned to embers. 

“It’s a remarkable thing,” he muses. “To sit across from people allegedly so intelligent and see just how little they understand.”

He doesn’t stay long enough to watch the words land. He’s already turning away, already steering you toward the door, already making sure you never have to sit at this table again.

The air outside is still, cold enough that your breath fogs in front of you, but you don’t react to it. You just stand there, shoulders drawn up, arms wrapped around yourself, staring down at the pavement.

You swallow hard, glance up at him, then back down again. 

“I’m sorry.” It’s a whisper, small and broken, and when you glance at him again, your expression makes his stomach plummet. “I didn’t mean to drag you into all that.”

Aaron doesn’t respond right away. He can’t.

Because this isn’t you.

The person he loves is all light. You’re the one who insists on adding extra sugar to his coffee because he works too hard to drink something that bitter. The one who gets excited about little things – new stationery, a good book, the way the leaves change in the fall. The one who somehow makes him smile more than he ever thought possible.

He wants to turn back, wants to go inside and say something that will make them feel even a fraction of what they made you feel.

But you need him more than his rage does. 

“Hey.” He waits until your eyes meet his. “You don’t owe me an apology. You don’t owe them anything either.”

Your breath is uneven. “I just —”

Aaron nearly speaks, his throat tightens with the effort of holding himself back. Because he already knows what you’re about to say. He knows you’ll try to justify their words, to explain away the way they made you feel.

He wants to stop you before you do it, to tell you that you don’t have to make it more bearable for them.

But then he remembers how many times they spoke over you tonight. How many times they disregarded your words, your voice, your feelings.

He won’t be another person who does that. So he presses his lips together, forces himself to wait, and listens.

“I just didn’t want you to see that.” Your fingers twist at the hem of your sleeve. “I didn’t want you to see them like that.”

Aaron moves before you can pull away, hands gliding down your sides as he gathers you against him, pressing you into his chest. His lips find your forehead, lingering there as he inhales deeply.

“Sweetheart,” he murmurs. “There is nothing about you I would ever want to unsee.”

You sag into him, fingering the lapels of his jacket, pulling him closer.

“This isn’t about you,” he says simply. “It never has been.”

You tense slightly against him, and he softens his tone.

“Your parents — people like them — they don’t see you as an individual. They see you as a reflection of themselves, an extension of their own achievements, their own expectations. And when you don’t fit into that mold, they don’t adjust their perception — they try to change you instead.”

His hands slide back up, cradling your face. “That’s their flaw. Not yours.”

A shaky breath escapes you, and you offer a weak, tired smile. “I wish they could see me the way you do.”

“They should.” Aaron’s grip tightens, not harsh, just sure. “But their failure to do so doesn’t make you any less incredible.”

You take a deep breath, straightening your shoulders. “You know, you keep complimenting me like this, and I’m going to start thinking you have a thing for me.”

He laughs at that.

“If you’re done questioning my affections,” he murmurs, shaking his head, “I’d like to take my very incredible girlfriend home now.”

And when you huff a small laugh, squeezing your fingers around his lapels once more, he thinks — yeah. That’s better.

💌 masterlist taglist has been disbanned! if you want to get updates about my writings follow and turn notifications on for my account strictly for reblogging my works! @mariasreblogs

[theotherbuckley]

I like you (because you're you) - bucktommy 2K

read on ao3

“Who was that?” Tommy asks, walking up to where Buck’s sat on the couch, phone placed down in his lap. They’d just finished dinner, Buck had cooked a delicious pasta dish that had Tommy coming back for seconds. He’d told Buck how much he liked it, and Buck had promised he’d make it again before his phone started buzzing and he’d apologised before taking the call.

Buck gives him a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. His cheerful self from earlier seemingly replaced with a faded version. He has this distant look in his eyes which he quickly blinks away before he speaks. “Uh, that was my friend Connor. He, uh, just wanted some of my medical records.” He waves his hand like it’s no big deal. It isn’t. Not really. His brain is just being stupid, is all.

Tommy raises his eyebrows before frowning. “Why’d he need those?” He questions, coming to sit down next to Buck. He places his hand on Buck’s thigh momentarily, squeezing softly like he just knows that Buck needs a little bit of comfort right now even if he doesn’t quite understand why.

“Uh, their son was at a doctor's appointment, just having a check-up or something, and I’m well— they used my sperm so, you know, they just want to make sure everything is in order, I guess,” he rushes out the last part, desperate to get the words out like if he says it fast enough Tommy won’t even realise what he’s said and it won’t cause any issues. 

Tommy’s brows rise further as he takes that in. Buck watches him process, afraid that his life will once again be too much for someone, and they’ll walk out. It’s what people do — when Buck inevitably becomes too much and when they decide what he’s offering, what he can’t give them, isn’t enough in return, they leave.

“Is that— is that a problem?” Buck hates the way his voice wavers as he speaks. Hates the way he can’t hide his emotions at all. He really likes Tommy, really wants him to stick around. He’ll do what he can to make that happen. He’ll make himself more useful so that Tommy won’t want to leave. He’ll—

“No, no, of course not.” Tommy says it like there’s no other answer. Like he can’t imagine anyone thinking that’s a problem. Buck waits for the inevitable ‘but’.

“But.” Buck braces. “But I’m just surprised I’ve never heard of this guy before is all,” Tommy says. Buck exhales a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

“Oh uh, yeah, we— we aren’t really close.”

“But you donated sperm for him?” There’s genuine confusion in his voice.

“Yeah, well, I guess— he asked. I may not have spoken to him in a while but, I wasn’t gonna say no.”

“You have the biggest heart, Evan. I think what you did is incredibly honourable. How are they doing now?” Tommy asks gently, seemingly comfortable to move the conversation on.

“I’m—I'm not actually sure.” He sighs. “That was the first time they’d called since the birth. And that was only because they needed something.” He laughs at the end like his words don’t speak to some greater insecurity deep inside him. Like it doesn’t hurt that his friend hasn’t talked to him until they needed him.

“Ah,” Tommy says, and Buck can here the judgement dripping from his mouth. He’s not sure exactly what he’s done, but it’s always something. Maybe he should have been the one to check in on them, maybe—

“I don’t think he sounds like a very good friend,” Tommy states. 

Buck frowns, he didn’t expect him to say that. The truth is, Buck sometimes wonders that himself. What he lands on instead is that there must be something wrong with him. Because it’s not just Connor who wants things from him and then doesn’t care about any other part of Buck. It’s just how it’s always been. People take, and Buck gives. He gives, and he gives, and it’s never quite enough, but he tries.

“Sometimes I feel like people only like me when I’m useful,” Buck admits in a whisper, letting the words stuck inside his head free. It’s not that he thinks it; he knows it. He knows he’s only worth something when people can use him, and he’s lived with that his whole life. He was born to save someone, and he failed, but that’s his whole purpose even now. 

He saves people for a living. He’ll babysit whenever anybody asks, he’ll be your trivia partner when you need to win. He’ll let his friends use him for his sperm. And it’s not that he doesn’t want to. He does. He loves doing these things for his friends because he can. But sometimes it hurts a little knowing that it’s not him that they want. They just… like his ability to do things.

“Evan, I like you. Regardless of anything you can or can’t do. I like you.” Tommy emphasises the you like Buck being Buck is somehow special.

Buck can’t stop the wet laugh that escapes his throat. He shakes his head, sniffles before composing himself. “No, no,” he says, because it’s not true, it can’t be. “But—but it’s okay because I’ll make sure you don’t get bored of my I-I’ll cook dinner, and I’ll do the dishes, and I’ll make sure we always win at trivia and— and I don’t know anything about cars or Muay Thai, but I’ll learn.” Buck’s rambling, the words tumbling out of his mouth in one breath. He needs to make sure Tommy knows that he’ll do his best; even if it’s hard, he’ll be useful because then Tommy will stay, and he really wants Tommy to stay.

“Evan.” It’s that soft voice again. Placating, like he’s talking to a small child. Like he’s trying to get him to listen.

Buck shifts his gaze from the floor to Tommy. He looks sad. Buck wishes he wasn’t the one to make him look like that. He tries to smile at him, anything to bring those soft creases at the edges of Tommy’s eyes back, but his heart’s not really in it.

“Evan,” Tommy says again, locking his eyes on Buck’s. “You don’t need to be useful for me to like you. I like you because you’re adorable. I like you because you’re funny and you don’t care what people think. ‘Who cares’, right?” Tommy chuckles. Buck likes that sound. “I like that you were willing to try again with me, even if you bought me god-awful coffee with it.” Buck lets out a wet chuckle at that. “I look at you, Evan, and I see someone who cares so deeply about your friends. Willing to put your life on the line for others. But it’s more than that, I like the way you ramble about random things you find on the internet, and how you try out 100 different lasagna recipes because you need to find the right one even though you burn half of them.”

“Hey!” Buck says in weak protest. He’s right, though. There’s a warmth in his chest at the fact that Tommy noticed.

Tommy keeps going. “I like how big your smile gets when you talk about Chris or Jee-Yun. I like the way that your cheeks turn the colour of your birthmark when you’re flustered. I just— I really like you, Evan. You could— you don’t have to cook for me every day or give me the answers at trivia night for me to want you to stick around. I like you because you’re you.”

Buck can’t stop the tears trickling down his cheeks. His whole life has been about being useful, and it’s so hard to believe anything different but the way Tommy talks about him. Like maybe he really does see him. “I don’t know how to— I want to believe you but it’s just, every relationship I’ve had has felt like people want something from me. Abby needed help when her mom died, and then she just left. I always felt like Ali just wanted a place to crash when she was in town. I mean, she’s the reason I have this apartment in the first place. Taylor just wanted sex at first, and then she started getting insights into news stories from the firehouse, and she always valued that more than spending time with me. She’d ask me how my day was, not because she cared but because she wanted to know if there was anything worth writing about. Hell, she even published a book about me. Even after it was over, she used me as much as she could.” The tears are flowing faster now, and his voice cracks as he speaks. It’s stupid to get so emotional about this, but Buck can’t stop now. Now that he’s opened the faucet of this insecurity of his, it’s like everything he’s been bottling inside is bubbling to the surface and he can’t stop it.

“And Nat—Natalia,” Buck continues, hiccuping through his tears. “She just wanted to understand my death. Asked me a hundred— a hundred questions about what it was like, and at first, I thought maybe she could actually see me, but I feel like she was just using me for something too.” Buck wipes his face. He’s sure he must look like a mess right now — tear-streaked face, snot dripping down from his nose. Tommy doesn’t deserve to deal with all this. “Sorry,” Buck chuckles,  the sound getting caught in his throat. “You didn’t need to hear about all that.”

“Hey,” Tommy says, moving closer towards Buck. He tucks his fingers under Buck’s chin forcing him to look Tommy in the eyes. He holds Buck’s face tenderly in his hand, always so gentle. “You can talk to me about anything, and I will listen, okay?”

“I don’t want to bore you,” Buck says softly, moving to look down at the ground once more but Tommy doesn’t let him get away, holding him firmly yet soft, like Buck’s something precious.

“You couldn’t,” Tommy replies sincerely. “If it weren’t for you, how else would I know that the Australians started a war on emus, huh?” He jokes.

“And lost,” Buck whispers because he can’t help it.

“And lost!” Tommy repeats. Buck had gone on a tangent about it just the other day. He’d gone to the zoo with Christopher, and they’d been having a lot of fun until they stood too close to the fence, and an emu had come up and startled them. Buck had decided in that moment that he needed to find out every single detail about them, which led him to discovering that in 1932, Australia declared war on emus —and then proceeded to lose. He’d met up with Tommy after and rambled about his findings because he thought it was absolutely hilarious. Tommy sat there smiling at him, evidently listening to every word that he said, taking it in and remembering it all.

“I like listening to you talk, Evan. I like you. And I’ll tell you that as much as you need to hear. Now,” Tommy claps his hands together. “Tomorrow, I’m cooking for you. You don’t need to do anything except sit there and look pretty. Let someone do something for you for once. Okay?”

Buck just nods, wiping at his eyes before slumping into Tommy’s now open arms and relishing in the comfort of his boyfriend. He doesn’t quite believe him, not yet. He wants to. It’s just prior experience has moulded his brain a certain way and now he just can’t believe any different. He wants to. He wants someone to like him, to love him, even when he can’t be useful. He hopes that maybe Tommy will show him that that’s possible.

For now, he tucks his head into Tommy’s shoulder, clutches onto him like he’s going to disappear and lets himself be held. Tommy kisses his birthmark like it’s sacred, holds him and tells him he likes him over and over. Buck thinks maybe he really does.