#whyyyy am i doing this to myself???

[rustbeltjessie]

i'm back with scars to show (October 2003)

the soundtrack to the last month and a half of my life. you wouldn't think such a short period of time would have its own soundtrack, but so much has happened. the title comes from the weakerthans song "left and leaving."

World/Inferno Friendship Society - Tattoos Fade

Murder City Devils - 18 Wheels

Queens of the Stone Age - Mosquito Song

The Cure - Pirate Ships

Tom Waits - Shiver Me Timbers

Reid Jaimeson - Grass and Dirt

The Weakerthans - One Great City!

Carla Bruni - L'Amour

Leonard Cohen - Chelsea Hotel No. 2

The Black Heart Procession - Tropics of Love

Pony Da Look - Dirty Nails

Buck 65 - Wicked and Weird

The GC5 - Culture Wars

Pretty Girls Make Graves - Holy Names

The Libertines - I Get Along

Rancid - Indestructible

Beehive and the Barracudas - One-Way Ticket Outta Here

The Weakerthans - Left and Leaving

[lostmf]

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

…

Why did you ..

[marvelandcmbinger]

7x8 "season seven, time for a wedding"

WOAH WOAH WOAH.

WTF

Honestly, I haven't been in this fandom for long, but I feel like Sam getting assaulted like every other season is totally overlooked?!

Also that other episode where Dean killed Amy!?? Like, I get the intention but it wasn't okay to lie to Sam like that.

Like dude. Stop being an ass to your brother for fuck's sake.

Also really missing Cas :(((

[crazylavenders]

Where is why is Gamora memes.

[suckishima]

a dumb thing about myself is that im much more comfortable being excited about and gushing over things i only like a little bit whereas im absolutely mortified at seeming even mildly enthusiastic about things i love

[ask-painter]

(What if you had plot ideas... but could not draw THEM.)

[fjashshshshdhfu]

Nah but I actually did this on the last week of school. I did not miss those shit heads. School bout to be torture

[caffeineandink]

At what point does it become odd to still be in a fandom since like preteen-age or younger?

The fandom in question here for me is Wings of Fire. I've LOVED this series since I was 12, and I'm 19 now. I have other fandoms that I enjoy, like Supernatural, Good Omens, House MD...but Wings if Fire is like a constant I can always return to when life feels unstable.

I feel I should definitely have grown out of it, but...I can't. It's like my secret little joy to return to when I feel shitty.

Is this normal? What fandoms (if any) do you guys have this with? I'm curious

[1c3-c0ld-r3x1c]

TW: vent, depression, $h (THIS IS FICTION, NOT REAL) I am so tired of fighting. OVER HALF MY FUCKING LIFE IVE JUST JUST JUST JUST JUST BEEN DEPRESSED AND ITS SO WEIRD BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO DIE BUT I WANT TO LIVE AND IT HURTS I JUST WANNA GET AWAY WHY I ALWAYS MAKE MISTAKES WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG TO BE HAPPY JUST BE HAPPY I GOT SO MUCH WORSE THAN I ALMOST EVER WAS, WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY IT HURTS THERE'S A PAIN IN MY CHEST I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT IT'D GET BETTER. I CVT I CVT I CVT EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART AND I CANT DO THIS I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE OH WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY I CANT EVEN CRY, I'M SO BROKEN, I CANT CRY AND NOBODY WILL EVEN LIKE THIS POST BECAUSE NOBODY CARES NOBODY CARES ABOUT MY STUPID FEELINGS WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY CVT CVT CVT CVT. NOBODY WILL HELP BECAUSE NOBODY CARES. WHY DID I FUCK MY LIFE OVER I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT IDK WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THESE EMOTIONS OTHER THAN CVT ITS SO HARD ITS SO HARD ITS SO HARD ITS SO HARD MY THERAPIST SAID I WILL PROBABLY HAVE TO GO TO PSICHATRY VERY SOON. I ALREADY WENT THERE I AM PRETTY YOUNG AND I WENT THERE WHEN I WAS ONLY 11 WHY BC I KILLED MYSELF ALMOST SUICIDE ATTEMPT AT SCHOOL AND I AM SO DEAD INSIDE. I ALMOST FELT ALRIGHT AND THEN I RUINED IT ALL AGAIN, I RUINED IT ALL I HAD BUILT

[burnout0-0]

I have exam stress but that does not mean I'm studying~

[betasuppe]

🎶Feels like a failure & never added anything to fandoms anyways~

[ultimateaclrecovery]

Been trying to have more conversations with the boy but it’s hard. I’m bad at it and he’s even worse. It just feels like we aren’t always very good at talking to each other both about small things and big things and it’s like if we don’t have that what we do we have?

And like sometimes the conversation is easy, but then it’s almost always about frisbee. And it’s like I do not want to either be carrying the whole conversation or talking about frisbee for the rest of my life (and yes that’s a hyperbole and I’m being dramatic but like still)

And then when I finally talk to him about how it feels like he gives me all these one word answers it’s always that he’s just tired and if he doesn’t think the answer is important he’s not gonna put his energy into it. And like he’s being apologetic but it’s not like if talking to me isn’t worth your energy what is? And like we only see each twice a week and sometimes only once a week.

And partly it’s because with the holidays I’ve been gone for two weeks and then had a Covid exposure and now he’s gone so we’ve barely seen each other. And I’m an abysmal texted so it’s hard to maintain connection when we don’t see other (and yes I really am the problem here and yes I’m working on it (although he was always says it’s fine)

I just feel sometimes like I just don’t understand him very well especially considering we’ve been dating almost a year.

And when I brought up doing something for our year, that is when he mentioned that his grandmother had died earlier this week and so he’d be leaving for her funeral. And I had asked him about various aspects of week like seven times at this point and he had yet to mention it. And I have no idea how to be there for him or if he even needs or wants that because he just never shares.

And then because he never shares I feel like I’m being over emotional and needy whenever I share. And then we just talk about anything ever.

And his family’s going to Italy in may and when I saw his family over thanksgiving she invited me but he has never even hinted if he’d like me to go with them (I probably can’t regardless but like I would like to be asked)

And even when his family was here for thanksgiving he only invited me to see for actual thanksgiving even though they were here for like a week and he did lots of other stuff with them. And I had to be the one to ask if he even wanted me to meet them when they came and to let me know what he wanted me to join them for. And turns out the answer was very little.

And it just sucks that it feels so hard to build an emotional connection because he’s so great in other ways. Like he’s so sweet and kind and thoughtful. And he remembers all the things I like and is always seeking them out or trying to do things to make me happy. And whenever I do manage to try and talk to him about the things I feel he’s always really nice about it and never makes me feel like my feelings are stupid. (He sometimes get hung up the logistics (it almost always twice a week and only rarely once a week) )but also always ask what he could do make me feel better. But like how do you tell someone to just be a more emotional human?

And like I hate that it’s always me telling him things. Like I know I can be annoying and I’m far from perfect but like he just never has any complaints, often even when asked point blank. And even when I did ask him what he would change about the relationship he one made me answer first and two just said he’d like it if I texted him back a little quicker. Which while fair I had just told you five minutes ago how was feeling disconnected probably in part to me being a terrible texter so is that really what you want or just what you think I want? It’s also annoying because when we first started dating I told him I was bad at texting and he said he actually preferred to not text that much. And like it could be that it’s a spectrum and also things evolved but it makes me worried that he’ll just tell me what I want to hear and then just deal with it even if it’s not really what he wants. And then I worry that he’ll end up resenting me for that and then just break up with me out of no where.

And this fully me just being anxious but I can’t help but feeling sometimes likes he’s just waiting for a good time to end things because he’s too nice to do it at an inconvenient time.

And I guess a lot of it just circles back to the thought I’ve been having since this summer that while he’s a really good boyfriend, he’s just doing the things that a boyfriend should do because he likes having a girlfriend and not that he likes me in particular. It’s like I check all the boxes so he’s committed to make it work and emotions are irrelevant. I like I want to have that deep emotional connection and it feels like that’s not enough. But then I go to describe what is that doesn’t feel like “enough” and it feels like I am describing a really good relationship.

And I don’t know if I’m just getting caught up in the holiwood or social media fantasy of relationships where people jump into each other everyday and talk endlessly for hours and no every last detail of the other persons psyche, because that’s not what we have.

He’s pleasant to hang out with, even if sometimes I feel like I want to shake him until more words fall out. He’s like the least annoying person I’ve ever met, he’s super easy to travel with. He’s considerate of me and my feelings. He puts effort into the relationship. He can be silly and we can have goofy moments together. He checks all the lifestyle “boxes” and my ideal life and being with him work perfectly together. He’s never dismissive of me. He’ll do things just to make me happy even if they aren’t his favorite. He feels safe.

And I don’t know how to balance all the wonderful against the intangible lackluster emotional connection. Especially when I am the other half of the emotional connection.

Like is the reason I have more deep feeling conversations with my girls friends just because THEY are good at it? And does it feel hard with Anthony because I am actually bad at it or because he is? (I mean probably both). And at the end of the day does it matter? Even if I’m the problem if I can’t figure how to make it better, it’s still not really working. And we all know the answer to every relationship question is just to talk to the other person. I just wish that didn’t feel so hard

[queenofdisaster88]

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY ? why? why? why?why? why? why? why? why? why?

[running-in-the-dark]

annnnd now it's 3 am and I'm drawing and I don't wanna stop. but I have to drive to my uni in like. 6 hours. to collect some stupid signatures so I can get my diploma or whatever. 🙄

[aliteralsodacup]

ERM OKAY SO I KINDA DREW THE FREAKY

UHH HERE YA GO—

ITS KEN KYONASHIMA FROM THE 1980s YANDERE SIM, HE'S ONE OF THE STUDENT COUNCIL MEMBERS LORD HELP ME—

[rainydayzxd]

this is my version of this meme !!!!!