#wolfstar crack

[in-flvx]

Wolfstar, but Remus just straight up falls for siri (the Speech Interpretation and Recognition Interface on his friend James' phone)

[fiendishfyre]

Me and @77nevilleplants watching these two clown around.

[myriadparacosm]

Sirius: I just knew. I knew when Walburga got pregnant that she would give birth to pure evil with no doubts about the pain it causes to innocent people. People already dead are suffering because of you but they can't say it because they are dead! But I know the truth Reggie! I knew it the moment our blasted mother got pregnant that she will birth you that you are made to make me suffer and I can't hate you because I love you!

James:

Remus:

Regulus: I'm literally just wearing a shirt.

Sirius: TEAM EDWARD??? ARE YOU MAD? HAVE YOU SEEN JACOB?

Regulus: As if you aren't biased because you're dating a werewolf.

Remus: Don't pull me into that.

James: Hey come on, you haven't even watched the first movie, you can't pick a side yet-

Sirius: Reggie, I'm telling it for you to get /better/. You can't pick vampires over werewolves.

Regulus: I like sucking.

Remus:

Sirius:

James: He's right-

[made-by-moon]

The Marauders era characters as things people in my school said:

"Sometimes, you have to girlboss through life."- Marlene McKinnon

"Honestly? Take your british accent and shove it up your ass and shut the fuck up."- Regulus Black

"It's not my generation that created situationships. It was you. Shame on you."- Slughorn about Barty and Evan

"He may be a bastard but he is our bastard"- James Potter about Remus

"Ride me like a stallion I am *neighs*"- Sirius Black

"Great ideas come from great cocks."- Remus Lupin, stoned out of his mind

[loz-tearsofahomo]

Sirius & Barty bored in azkaban

Sirius: bart

Barty Crouch Jr: ...

Sirius: pssst barty

Barty Crouch Jr: ...

Sirius: BARTEMIUS CROUCH JUNIO-

Barty Crouch Jr: WHAT.

Sirius: Truth or Dare

Barty Crouch Jr: cant bloody do dares in here can we?

Sirius: TRUTH or DARE

Barty Crouch Jr: only if I can ask first-

Sirius: no-

Barty Crouch Jr: yes-

Sirius: -fine

Barty Crouch Jr: Truth or Dare

Sirius *rolling his eyes*: truth

Barty Crouch Jr: did you and that lupin kid ever get round to fucking

Sirius: ...

Sirius: How the fuck did you know that-

Barty Crouch Jr: My gaydar never lies-

Sirius: your WHAT

Barty Crouch Jr: -the horny levels were through the roof-

Sirius: OKAYMYTURN

Barty Crouch Jr: -I mean really it was obvious

Sirius: are you fucking done now

Barty Crouch Jr: right, truth

Sirius: You didn't even let me ask

Barty Crouch Jr: This might surprise you pretty boy but I don't actually care.

Sirius: ugh whatever

Sirius: ...

Sirius: Who was Reg's most surprising kiss

Barty Crouch Jr: ooo hoo hoo

Sirius: what

Barty Crouch Jr: Oh get fucking ready for this, god Reg is gonna murder me from the grave

Sirius: well it couldn't have been that bad-

Barty Crouch Jr: It was potter.

Sirius: haha funny joke now cmon-

Barty Crouch Jr: I'm not joking.

Sirius: ...

Sirius: ...

Sirius *looking up* : JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER SO HELP ME GOD YOU ARE GETTING A FUCKINT BEATING IN HEAVEN OH MY-

Barty crouch jr *looking down* : Reggie please don't kill me

Sirius *still yelling at james from the grave* : ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, YOU GO AND DIE ON ME THEN NEXT I FIND OUT YOU KISSED MY PERFECTLY INNOCENT LITTLE BROTHER-

Barty Crouch Jr: I mean- he was a death eater not exactly innocent-

Sirius: oh shut up will you I'm having a bad day

Barty Crouch Jr: well what do you fucking expect this is azkaban

Sirius: doesn't mean you have the right to make it worse.

Barty Crouch Jr: well I mean he did betray the dark lord so there's that-

Sirius: WHAT

Barty Crouch Jr: well duh you didn't know

Sirius: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DUH OF COURSE I DIDNT KNOW

Barty Crouch Jr: fucking stupid gryffindor, yk i got twelve Os on my NEWTS

Sirius: NOBODY CARES!!! ALSO I'M HAVING A CRISIS RIGHT NOW

[maraudersoncrack1981]

You're friendly reminder jkr had to add "like a brother" in an attempt to make Sirius and Remus seem less gay

[ifyoucandaniel]

why are jegulus authors the best wolfstar authors…. like stg they’re putting smth in their side wolfstar tag. every time i read a jegulus fic and it’s got background wolfstar and the author switches prospectives or has an epilogue for them it’s always the most scrumptious kicking screaming giggling wolfstar i’ve ever read. and they always NAIL their characterization ??? what is it

[lulublack90]

Prompt 29 - Crack Fic

@wolfstarmicrofic July 29, word count 990

CW - Blood

Part ten of werewolf Sirius

Previous part First part

The big black wolf glared at the human standing across from him. He growled and then suddenly stopped. He scrunched his muzzle up in an odd way and inhaled quick sharp breaths before an almighty sneeze flew from his nose. 

The wolf sneezed over and over, making odd choo sounds. 

When the sneeze attack was finally over, the wolf used his long pink tongue to lick his shiny black nose. 

“Yuck,” Regulus exclaimed from the corner. The wolf looked up at him. Regulus was covered head to toe in werewolf snot. 

Before the wolf could move any further into the cell, thunderous paws came charging down the corridor behind him. He didn’t even have time to look around before two sets of teeth sunk into his back legs, lifting them from the ground and began dragging him backwards away from the dungeons. 

He fell to the floor, his front legs unable to keep up with the fast backward movement. They splayed out before him and his stomach dragged against the cold stone. He whined in an annoyed way at the other two wolves. But they ignored him and continued to drag him towards the stairs. His head bounced on the first few steps, making him bite his tongue. After the fifth step, he held his head up. 

He was dragged unceremoniously outside by his pack master and the wolf he thought was his friend and dumped under some apple trees. 

The air smelt cleaner out here. Inside, the smell of human blood was so heavy in the air he’d been drooling. Now it just smelt like rotting apples. 

He stood up, shook out his fur and bent to assess the damage to his back legs. He licked at the small puncture wounds, cleaning them and his fur. He lifted his massive head and growled at the other wolves. The bigger grey one growled back at him so ferociously that he fell over his own feet when he tried to retreat. The brown one barked happily as it too fell off its feet in a mocking way. The black wolf got up, chuntering under his breath. 

The grey wolf came over and nuzzled him. He sighed and nuzzled him back. He was rewarded with a lick for his efforts. The grey wolf butted him, leading him further into the orchard.

He followed obediently. Something squished unpleasantly beneath his paw. He lifted his foot up and watched the mushy, foul-smelling, rotten fruit drip from the bottom of his foot. He whined softly in displeasure, before shaking what he could off and carrying on behind the grey wolf. The rest of the pack came into view, and they yipped happily at the approaching trio. The grey wolf accepted his pack’s adorations and then led the black wolf away from the group. 

They settled down in an area with fewer apples on the ground and curled up. Exhausted after all that had happened in the castle, the black wolf soon fell asleep, curled up warm against his mate. 

When Sirius awoke, he panicked. Regulus! He stood on wobbly legs and tried to run forward, only to stumble on a piece of stuck-up root and bang into a tree.  

“Ouch!” He grumbled at the offending timber. 

“Sirius, calm down. Regulus was fine when we left him last night. You need to get dressed before we do anything. If you go back into that castle naked, Regulus will curse your bollocks off wand or not.” Remus warned him. Remus stood and stretched his long body, the joints popping satisfactorily. Remus went over to the trunk they’d stowed before they transformed and unlocked it. Inside was everybody’s clothing and wands. Remus took out his and Sirius's clothing and wands and they dressed. 

“Is everyone accounted for?” Remus asked the gathered wolves. Sirius did a quick head count. He didn’t think anyone was missing. 

“Yes, pack master, everyone made it out with relatively few injuries.” One of the older wolves piped up. 

“Good. Thank you all so much for helping us with this. Please return to the new camp. There should be food and medicine waiting for you. We’ll follow shortly.” The wolves bowed to Remus when he’d finished speaking and one by one they disapparated. “Right,” Remus said, turning to Sirius once they were alone. “Let’s go get Regulus out before someone comes looking for Bellatrix or one of the others.”

They hurried across the grounds and into the creepily silent castle. Sirius gipped at the overpowering scent of blood, almost vomiting. It was ghastly. 

They made their way to the dungeons where they found a very disgruntled Regulus waiting for them. He glowered at Sirius, still covered in the snot Sirius’s wolf had sprayed on him. 

“Took you long enough,” Regulus spat out. 

“You’re very welcome for your rescue, dear brother.” Sirius huffed back haughtily. 

“Wand,” Regulus ordered. 

“Excuse me,” Sirius was taken aback by Regulus’s rudeness. He’d expected him to be overjoyed to be free. 

“Give me your wand,” Regulus hissed through his teeth. Remus tossed his over when Sirius didn’t move.

“Thank you, Lupin,” Regulus nodded at him politely. 

“What the fuck?! You’ll be nice to him but not to me?!” Sirius remarked. Regulus raised Remus’s wand and began cleaning the snot from what was left of his robes. When he was finished, he looked much better. He looked up at Sirius and raised the wand again. Before Sirius knew what was happening, huge bat bogeys were emerging from his nose and flapping around his face. 

“AHHHHHHHH!!!” He cried as he swatted at them. 

“Paybacks a bitch, isn’t it, dear brother,” Regulus scoffed. “Thank you,” He said, handing Remus his wand back. “Shall we go then? I believe we have things to discuss.” Regulus had adopted his aristocratic ways again quickly and stalked straight backed from the cell with Remus following closely, while Sirius was left to deal with the goopy bats by himself.

Next part

[in-flvx]

Very heterosexual Remus just likes to hang around queer places bc the people are so nice and friendly. He doesn't look at the other men bc he is very very heterosexual. And all the women are so gay they are also safe to be around.

Things get a bit dicey when there's a new performer. Remus had seen her kiss a man on stage, and she is very pretty with big hair and wild costumes, and she does her makeup soo well. Remus thinks he maybe a bit in love with her, and gets very sweaty palms when he sees her, and dreams of her every night. They get to talking sometimes after her shows. Of course Remus knew that sissy bitch wasn't her real life name, but the real one surprises him after all. But well, Remus can't be the only one with a weird name! So Remus collects all of his courage to ask her out, very happy to finally find a heterosexual partner to marry and get kids with.

It's a bit confusing when Sirius wears men's clothes when they meet, and looks like a man too. Even talks like one... But Remus is heterosexual™ so obv Sirius has to be a woman bc Remus is in love with him

[chlobliviate]

Wolfstar Microfics - Crack Fic

Words: 986 😅

@wolfstarmicrofic

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

Moony

(13:47) Sirius, I’m going to fucking murder you in your sleep. 😌

Padfoot

(13:48) you can try

(13:48) but

(13:48) i’ve been awake for hours

Prongs

(13:48) What did he do now?/

Moony

(13:48) He knows what he did.

(13:49) I said I shouldn’t go out last night.

Padfoot

(13:49) and yet out you went

Moony

(13:49) And yet, out I went. 😔

Prongs

(13:50) Pretty sure I just heard Moony sigh through the wall.

(13:50) So what did Pads do?

Padfoot

(13:55) O NO

(13:55) o nooooooooo 😬😬😬😬

Wormtail

(13:56) ???

Padfoot

(13:56) i may have given us all personalised ringtones on moonsss phone

Prongs

(13:57) 😂😂😂😂😂😂WHAT WS MNE?!??!!?

(13:57) Moony don’t bang on my wall to punish me for shoddy spelling when Sirius hasn’t used a capital letter since 2008.

(13:57) BUT WHAT WAS MINE

Padfoot

(13:58) do-re-mi from the sound of music

Prongs

(13:58) I am less excied about this now.

Padfoot

(13:59) naturally pete’s was rat-a-tat-tat by fall out boy and courtney love (absolute banger btw)

Prongs

(13:59) Nvm I’m back on board!

(13:59) What about yours?

Moony

(14:00) You Belong with Me.

Wormtail

(14:02) Ah. 🙃

Moony

(14:04) So Benjy suggested we ‘take a break’

Padfoot

(14:04) fuck im so sorry moons

(14:05) i can text him and tell him it was a joke

Moony

(14:06) Nah, it’s ok. I care a lot less than I thought I would tbh.

(14:10) James. Your headphones are unplugged.

Prongs

(14:10) SORRY SORRY FUCK ITS NOT WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE

Padfoot

(14:10) wow moony’s having a crisis and you’re having a wank

(14:11) harsh

Moony

(14:12) I’m not having a crisis. I’m fine. That’s probably not a great comment on my relationship though?

(14:12) JAMES! HEADPHONES!

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

Wormtail

(20:27) Lads, 😱😱 I think Benjy’s on a date

(20:28) Just showed up here with some guy

Padfoot

(20:28) moony sleeping 🤫 wtf we need details

Prongs

(20:29) Nvm, Sirius woke him when he yelled wtf

Moony

(20:40) Yeah, I bet that's David. He’s on Benjy’s course and he may have come up a few times.

(20:41) He didn’t even give it 8 hours. Wow. What a prick. I’m not surprised though, which probably also speaks volumes.

(20:41) Fuck. 😂

Padfoot

(20:41) you have four minutes to make yourself presentable moons then we’re coming in with tea and chocolate and a movie

(20:42) three minutes

Moony

(20:42) 👀👀👀 What’s happening next door?

Padfoot

(20:43) TWO MINUTES dont change the subject

(20:43) new neighbours

(20:43) all girls

(20:43) james is in love already 😂

Prongs

(20:43) I AN NOT

(20:44) BAD PADFOOT

Moony

(20:44) When did you meet them?

Padfoot

(20:44) one minute moony moon also we did not meet them but james spent a lot of time peeking out of his windoe this morning

(20:44) winDOE AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA 😂😂😂😂😂

(20:44) let the record state that i was assaulted with a wooden spoon 😔

Moony

(20:44) 😏😏😏

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

Moony

(10:01) Just met the neighbours.

(10:01) They asked what James’ ‘deal’ is.

(10:01) You were not slick at all. 😂

(10:02) They invited us over for drinks tonight, though.

Prongs

(10:02) It’s not my fault they were so loud moving in that I had to see what the commotion was.

(10:02) There was Beyonce and shrieking. I was merely a CONCERNED citizen. 😌

Moony

(10:02) That’s your story and you’re sticking to it?

(10:03) Benjy and David are already Facebook official. Wow.

Prongs

(10:04) Moony. He is a massive twat. You have terrible taste in partners.

Moony

(10:05) That is not at all reassuring.

(10:06) I’m going to drink so much tonight. 🙃🙃🙃

Prongs

(10:07) oh yeeeeah? Anyone from next door ccatch your eye?

Padfoot

(10:07) moonys only got eyes for me thank you very much 😤😤

Moony

(10:08) Don’t get me wrong, they’re all pretty, but no.

(10:08) Plus, I CLEARLY only have eyes for Pads.

Prongs

(10:17) So… whats her nameeee? 🫠

Moony

(10:18) Who?

Prongs

(10:18) YOU KNOW WHO

Moony

(10:19) Drawing a real blank here.

Padfoot

(10:20) hes just giggling at his phone

Moony

(10:20) Traitor.

Padfoot

(10:20) MOONY EHY MuST YOU WOUND ME SO

Wormtail

(10:20) Did you two sleep together again?

Prongs

(10:21) I mean the red headed, fiery goddess who lives next door and laughs like a witch.

(10:22) Ooooooooooh? 👀👀

Moony

(10:22) Emphasis on the word SLEEP. Yes.

(10:23) No homo.

(10:23) I mean, partially homo, I guess. 😂

Padfoot

(10:23) FULL HOMO BIG HOMO ENERGY IN THIS ROOM ;)

(10:23) get over it wormy

Wormtail

(10:23) I didn;t mean it like that!!!! It’s fine if you want to do that!

(10:24) I only request that you do it in Remus’ room, bc Sirius is next to me and I don’t need to hear his cum noise.

Padfoot

(10:25) let the record state that moonbeam laughed so hard at ‘cum noise’ that he banged his head on the wall and dropped his phone down the side of his bed 💀💀💀

Prongs

(10:25) Is his hed made of lead? That was so loud fuck.

(10:26) That means your cum noise is gonna be loud too. Ew no. go fuk by Pete.

Moony

(10:27) We’re not fucking, wow.

(10:27) We’re all very aware that I’m not Sirius’ type.

Padfoot

(10:28) what is my type

(10:28) fite me

Prongs

(10:28) dumb, obscenely pretty, easy.

Moony

(10:29) One out of three. Damn. 🙃

(10:29) Also you misspelled *bite. 😌

Padfoot

(10:30) which one what moony what wait what 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

[dakogutin]

im so sure someone already posted it here but thinking about remus on wolfsbane and basically howling and whining like those huskies as he tries to speak to sirius

[made-by-moon]

*on a rainy day in Hogsmeade, Sirius and Remus walk into Three Broomsticks Inn holding hands*

Sirius: Guys, I am so wet it's unbelievable.

Peter: *chokes on a cookie*

James: You're WHAT?!

Remus: He forgot his umbrella.

[letraspal]

Read “Connecting the dots” by YieldMaiden on AO3

“You’re expecting someone!” James almost sings out, happy to have cracked the code. Not that it has been one particularly difficult to crack, as Sirius is freshly showered, his hair washed and blow dried, face shaved, and body bathed in gallons of his favourite overpriced cologne – of course he’s expecting someone. And he knows that if he were to touch Sirius’ chest, it would probably feel smooth under his fingers, but he doesn’t need his theory tested that badly as it is quite evident in itself that Sirius is preparing for something. Or someone.

————

“You can’t go up because he’s expecting someone,” James explains and he doesn’t actually feel that great about himself when he says it out loud, no matter how happy he is for Sirius.

“Someone?” Remus raises his eyebrows questioningly.

“A guy,” James says. “He’s having a guy over.”

[thisisatotallysiriusblog24]

a few low quality marauders memes

[nevvaraven]

Wolfstar smut < wolfstar riding a motorcycle whilst Remus is back hugging Sirius

[s0ny2k8]

Guys what if i said a despicable me wolfstar au