#y'all need to log off and go away

[zehecatl]

it's been a while so here's your annual reminder that i hate anti rhetoric, and it does nothing but harm people, anti folks included <3

fiction is literally a safe space to explore topics, even fucked up ones, and if you have a problem with that, that's on you, and you should work on that away from normal people who doesn't think fiction = reality ^_^

[afictionaladventure16]

A Little Unsteady (Tim Bradford x Teen!Fem!Reader)

The Rookie Masterlist

Summary: Y/N finds herself back at square one and desperate for a break. Tim has always felt like something was missing in his life and when Y/N stumbles into the police station looking for his girlfriend, he feels drawn to her, like he was called to help her.

Warnings: Mentions of abuse and death

Word Count: 3,138

Authors note: Let me know what y'all think of this, might make it into an angsty series! Send in the requests!

Shit. 

“Fuck,” you whispered to yourself, your mind racing to a million thoughts. The sound of a million voices rang through your ears as you entered the building, but that was all an exaggeration, it was only a room with maybe a good thirty people. 

Spending your lunch period at the police station was the last thing you wanted to do, but you were desperate and eager to find that familiar face. You knew Rachel hung around the police station when she wasn’t in her office, whether it was for work or personal, this had to be the place she was gonna be at. 

Walking up to the front desk, anxiously tapping your fingers on the counter catching the lady behind the counter's attention. The lady’s eyes landed on your fingers, “Can I help you, hon?” 

you clenched your fingers to your palm, “Sorry,” you gave her an apologetic smile. 

She smiled, “I get it, police stations give lots of people anxiety. What can I help you with today?” 

You were quick to notice police officers standing near the counter looking through files and some sitting down and typing away on a computer. “I- Um, I’m looking for Rachel Hall. She’s a social worker and sometimes she’s here.” 

“Rachel Hall,” the receptionist repeated as she looked through the log-in log. 

One of the officers quickly turned his head, “You’re looking for Rachel?” He asked. 

You looked over at him, giving him a nod. “You know her, Officer Bradford?” 

“Yeah, she’s… a friend. She’s actually here doing some paperwork.” He walked over to where you stood, “I can show you where she is.” 

You gave him a hesitant nod, and he gave you a reassuring smile in return before thanking the receptionist and walking out of the room. You followed his lead, he turned to look over at you before asking, “So, how do you know Rachel?” 

“She used to be my social worker before…” you trailed off, clearing your throat. “Doesn’t matter.” 

Tim decided not to press on any further as he led you to a meeting room where a lot of social workers come to do wellness checks and supervised visitations, among many other things. He knew Rachel had been at the station for a supervised visitation, one that unfortunately had to be conducted within the police station for safety reasons. Thankfully, she was done with her visitation and was just finishing up on her paperwork before heading back to her office. Tim liked to believe she stayed longer just so she could see him or even catch a glimpse before she headed back out. 

“Rachel!” You exclaimed, letting out a sigh of relief as Rachel quickly turned her head, surprised to see who had called her name. 

“Y/N?” She got up from her seat, “What are you doing here?” 

You walked over to Rachel, “I needed to see you, you’re the only one who would believe me.” 

Rachel glanced at Tim who just gave her a shrug, “What’s going on?” 

“I can’t stay at that house anymore, there has to be something you can do.” 

Rachel sighed, “Y/N, I’m not your case worker anymore. Anything I do would get me in trouble.” As much as she wanted to do something, it would be putting her job on the line and it meant she wouldn’t be able to help other kids as well. She was already at risk for making a huge mistake on a case a couple weeks back. 

Tears began to well up in your eyes, “I can’t stay there.” 

“Y/N, why can’t you stay there?” Tim asked.

You glanced over at Tim, remaining silent. “Y/N, what did they do to you?” You didn’t respond, you had come here for help but the words had escaped you. You didn’t know how to tell the one person who helped you escape a hellish home a few months back, a home that almost cost her, her job; that the home she thought would be safe is far from it. “Did they hurt you?” Looking back at Rachel, you gave her a nod. 

Rachel let out a shaky sigh, there were times when she lost hope for the system. This was one of those times. She looked over at Tim before looking over at you, “You have to tell Sasha, Y/N.” 

“I did tell her!” You said in frustration, “But she hasn’t done anything! It’s like she doesn’t even care.” Rachel didn’t want to defend her friend's behavior, but this didn’t sound like her. At least not from how she knew her. 

“I-I,” she sighed, “I can’t do anything Y/N.” 

With pleading eyes, you gave her an understanding nod, “I just don’t want to go back there.” 

Tim hated seeing this part of the job. Seeing how the system worked and how it meant that kids within the system went to homes that didn’t even care about their existence. “What if I did a wellness check?” Tim asked, “That way, I can come in and check on you, and then your foster parents will know that someone knows about the situation?” 

“Like a scaring tactic,” Rachel added. 

“Exactly, It’s not the best but it could help,” Tim tried his best to be hopeful. 

It wasn’t what you wanted. It was far from it, actually, but beggars can’t be choosers. “Alright.” 

Tim offered you a ride back to school and you accepted. The whole car ride back, you felt defeated, given that all you had received was damage control. Nothing could be done about your situation, not yet at least. 

“So, what grade are you in?” Tim asked, trying his best to distract you from your thoughts. 

“I’m a freshman.” 

He nodded, “any thought about college yet?” 

You shook your head, “even if I did, I doubt I would even be able to go.” 

“There’s always scholarships,” he said with a hopeful tone. 

“Did you go to college?” You asked. 

“No, actually. I went into the military then I became a cop, obviously.” You nodded, “That could also be an option too.” You didn’t say anything in response, you drew attention back to the houses you passed by on the car ride. Tim cleared his throat, he knew what it was like to be in your shoes. Wishing for someone to help you from the people that were supposed to protect you. “So, what’s your story?” 

“What’s yours?” you retorted. 

Tim rolled his eyes, usually, he wouldn't have played this game. But something within him felt like you needed to hear his story, maybe it would you realize that everything could turn out okay, even if everything at the moment felt a little unsteady. 

“I grew up with an abusive father, I spent most of my life fighting to survive.” He gave you a quick glance before focusing back on the road, “So I know what’s it like, to wish someone would just help, for someone to just take you away from the one place you’re supposed to feel safe in.” 

You remained silent for the next few minutes, Tim groaned at the sigh of the traffic ahead of him. “We’re going to be here a while,” he commented. 

You sighed, “my dad died in front of me,” you spoke up. 

Tim glanced over at you, “my parents were high school sweethearts apparently and when my dad passed away, my mom couldn’t handle it. I’m sure if you went down skid row, you’d find her lying on the ground somewhere with a needle stuck in her arm. I’ve been in and out of foster homes since I was eight. My mom's been in and out of rehab since then.” 

“That’s not easy,” Tim commented. He had a lot of things to say about how your mother handled things but to each their own. His heart ached at the thought that you didn’t have a good structure in your life. 

“Nope,” you responded. “Rachel was the only one that ever did something to take me out of my previous foster home, even if it almost cost her job.” 

“And now you feel like you’ve wasted all your resources.” 

“Yeah,” you said softly. “Just five more years and I’ll be out of the system's hands.” 

The traffic began to move again. Minutes later, Tim pulled into the school parking lot. “Before you go,” he began as he reached into his shirt pocket, took out a card, and handed it to you. “If you ever need anything and I mean anything, you give me a call.” 

You took the card, giving him a small smile, “Thank you, Officer Bradford.” you got out of the shop, closing the door behind you. Giving Tim a small wave goodbye before you snuck back into campus. 

Tim made it his personal assignment to check up on you from there on out, to make sure you were all right, not just for you but for Rachel too. It was the least he could do, even though everything within him wanted to do more. He wanted to save you from your personal hell, but it was impossible for him at the moment. 

When he made it back to the station, Rachel was there waiting for him, “How’d it go?” 

“I gave her my card, and told her she could call me if there’s anything she needed. I’ll do a wellness check before the end of my shift,” he stated. 

“Thank you.” Rachel sighed, “She was one of my first cases, so she means a lot to me.” The two of them remained quiet for a moment, the situation between the two of them has been different since Rachel got a job in New York. “Promise me something?” 

Tim looked up at her, “Anything.” 

“Look after her for me? While I’m gone. She could use a guardian angel.” 

Tim smiled, “Of course.” Tim couldn’t help but feel a dreading sensation within him, he hated that he couldn’t do more. 

The weeks to come were difficult for Tim, with Rachel leaving and all the shit that went down within the station. He felt drained but didn’t show it. Tim needed a change within his life, something to make him work harder within his life. He had his dog and he was happy with his dog, but he still felt like he was missing something. 

There were times when he couldn’t help but wonder if everything hadn’t happened with Isobel if they would have had children by now. What their life would have been like. That’s all he could think about, the what-ifs. 

“Look, everyone has their first puppy, it’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Tim commented. Lucy, his boot, had been dealing with her first puppy as a rookie. He couldn’t help but tease her about it. 

“Whatever,” Lucy brushed off. 

Tim chuckled as he kept his focus on the street ahead of him. They were heading back to the station to end their shift. Tim was ready to go home and watch the game, to just relax for the next couple of days. 

“Any plans for tonight?” Lucy asked. 

“There’s a game on tonight.” 

“Of course,” she rolled her eyes. 

Once they arrived to the station, Tim was quick to do all his end-of-shift duties before clocking out. He groaned to himself as he stepped outside to be met with darkness. He hated how quick it was to get dark in the winter. 

He got into his car and began his journey back home, listening to music on the way. He came to a slow stop as the light turned red, he glanced towards the sidewalk. It took him a second to process what he saw, he quickly took another look, “What the,” he muttered to himself. The light had turned green and the car behind him honked. Tim groaned and turned his signal light on before pulling off to the side. 

Quickly getting out of the car, he tried his best to catch up to the person he had just seen, “Y/N!?” He asked. 

You quickly turned around, “Shit,” you muttered under your breath. 

“What are you doing out here?” 

You held the strap to your duffle bag tighter, “Um, I-I I’m” Tim waited for you to come up with a good excuse, “I’m on my way home,” you smiled. 

“Really?” You nodded, “then you wouldn’t mind if I gave you a ride?” 

“Well-” 

“Y/N,” he said sternly. 

“Fine.” 

Tim smiled, “let’s go.” 

You followed Tim to his car, getting into the passenger seat as he waited until you had your seatbelt on before driving off. “How you’ve been?” He asked as he began driving in the direction he had just come from. 

You sighed, “Fine.” 

Tim sighed, “I know it’s been two weeks since I’ve done a wellness check.” 

“I didn’t say anything about that.” 

“I know, I just felt the need to apologize,” He reassured. “Have they-” 

“If you’re gonna ask if they’ve hurt me, no. Not since you’ve seen me.” 

“Good,” he responded. 

“You can drop me off at the corner,” You commented. 

“No, I’m going to drop you off in front of your house,” Tim stated. He knew what you were doing, you weren’t fooling him. You were walking the direction away from your home and you had a duffle bag. It was obvious. 

He stopped in front of the house, “here you go,” he said with a smile. 

You clenched your jaw, you hadn’t stepped foot in that house within a week. Going in now would be a death trap. You couldn’t do it, you couldn’t open the car door and get out of that house. Knowing that Tim would wait in his car until he saw you walk inside that house. 

“Well?” 

You sighed, feeling defeated. “Stop acting like you don’t know.” 

“Where have you been staying?” You shrugged, “Y/N,” he said sternly. 

“Under some bridge near Skid Row.” 

“Near skid row!? Y/N!” He exclaimed, “do you have any idea how stupid that is?” 

“I was desperate to get out!” 

“This is the second house we’ve gotten you since I’ve met you, you know what Sasha said! It’s either this or the shelter.” 

“And I chose neither!” 

Tim pinched the bridge of his nose, “how long?” 

“A week.” 

Tim looked at her with wide eyes, “It rained for three days straight this past week!” He sighed, “I gave you my number so you could call me if you needed something and this is what you do.” 

“I wasn’t gonna call you, so you could just have Sasha send me to another home that’ll treat me the same way.” 

“What’s wrong with this one?” He asked as he sat back in his seat. 

“Well, when you say it that way-” 

He sighed, “I’m asking because I need to know.” 

You rolled your eyes, “I caught him watching me…” you looked down at your hands.

“Watching you?” 

“He watched me shower,” You hated how it made you feel, how you just felt exposed every time he would look at you, even if you had clothes on. Tim undid his seatbelt, “Please, don’t go in there.” 

Tim wanted to disregard your request, but he knew the last thing you needed right now was for him to make things worse. It was an issue that would be dealt with tomorrow, for now, he needed to find you a place to stay. “You have a place to stay tonight?” You shook your head, “You do now,” he commented. 

You gave him a confused look, “I have a guest bedroom, you can stay there tonight.” 

“You don’t have to”

“I’m not letting you stay under some bridge near Skid Row nor am I letting you stay in that home. I’ll call Sasha in the morning, for now, you can have my guest room.” 

You wanted to argue with him about how you could defend yourself, but who were you kidding. You’re only fourteen and let’s face the facts. You wanted to sleep in a warm bed. 

The ride back to Tim’s place was quiet and usually, you hated it. The quiet meant you had time to be left alone with your thoughts, but for the first time in a while, your mind was at ease. The drive wasn’t long, Tim helped you carry your duffle inside his house. You heard the tapping of nails hitting the floor, and you were quickly greeted with paws on your chest and a tongue slobbering all over your cheek. 

“Kojo, down!” Tim exclaimed and the dog quickly got down. “Sorry about Kojo.” 

You couldn’t help but smile as you kneeled down next to the dog to give him some love, “you should’ve said you had a dog, I would’ve said yes a long time ago.” 

Tim couldn’t help but smile as you giggled at Kojo’s antics, “Come on, let me show you where you’ll stay tonight.” He gestured for you to follow him. 

You got up from your position next to Kojo and followed Tim down a short hallway, “Alright, the bathroom is the door at the end of the hallway, help yourself to whatever is in the fridge except for my beer. That is off limits, even if you were of age.” He placed your duffle on an ottoman that was placed at the end of the bed, “Do you need any essentials? Toothbrush, toothpas-” 

“I have everything, thanks.” You took in the sight of the bedroom, out of all the rooms you had lived in, many in which you had to share with others, none compared to this one. This one felt inviting. It felt warm. 

It felt different. 

“Everything okay?” Tim asked. 

You gave him a nod, “Yeah, perfect!” 

“Alright, I’ll be in the living room watching a game that started an hour ago, if you need me. You hungry?” 

“Nah, I’m good,” as if on cue, your stomach made a loud noise. 

“it says otherwise,” Tim smirked, “I’ll order some pizza. I’ll let you get settled in, feel free to make yourself at home alright?” 

You gave him a nod, watching as he walked out of the room. You weren’t sure what to do first, to unpack your things or take a shower. Should you unpack your things, if you were going to be sent somewhere else tomorrow? You let out a sigh, laying on the bed, you couldn’t help but wonder, What if you just stayed here instead? 

No, you didn’t want to be more of burden to Tim than you already were. He had done enough for you and was already extending his kindness by letting you stay the night. No need to extend it any further. For now, you were going to allow yourself to enjoy this comfort. To enjoy the warmth of the invitation. 

Taglist: @daffodil0darling

[dragonpastels]

I've noticed a certain trend of either giving the boys dragons or turning them into dragons, and since I am legally required to participate I decided to combine the boys with another franchise I love dearly. Do y'all like How to Train Your Dragon? Transcript down below! and click for better quality!

Raph Class: Boulder Description: The beast that spared me the other day seems to be protecting a group of smaller beasts. Which unfortunately includes that troublemaker who has been stealing from me. It watches me carefully as the others go about, but as long as I do not get too close it does not seem to be aggressive. The smaller one likes to approach me which I have tried to gently chase away, but the large beast starts to growl if I do.

Top Left: they ate a rock like it was a snack! Top Middle: the others also like to climb on top while Raphael is sleeping. Middle right: The smaller creature likes to hide in the rocks that cover their back. Bottom Middle: Whoah! It spits lava too! The boulders explode after a time leaving a crater of magma behind. Will observe from a distance.

Mikey Class: Stoker Description: The small one likes to come up to me and if I don't pet them they spit sparks at me and become agitated. it is quite the energetic guy and can tuck itself in its shell and become a spinning tornado of sparks and flames. It seems to do this more frequently when they are excited, or angry, or bored, or any strong emotion it seems.

Top Right: Latest work Middle Right: a recreation of them standing in front of their work. They seemed very proud. Bottom Right: it is kind of cute how they sleep. Their snout does not fully go into their shell. Which is quite adorable. Sweet dreams little guy. Bottom Left: The edge of their wing is rock-like. Leo Class: Strike Description: This one has been keeping a distance for some time, but It finally approached me. This one is adorned with beautiful patterns which they seem to love showing off. They seem to enjoy bothering the others and why they put up with it I will probably never know. their favorite one to bother seems to be the thief. Rightfully deserved. I saw this creature create wells of blue energy in the sky which they will fly into and disappear! I need to get closer to observe. I will name this fancy fellow Leonardo.

Top Right: Filthy thief. Middle Right: This one spits electricity! They will purposely hold a charge near me to ruin my hair... I think they find it funny... Bottom Left: I need to know what this is! Donnie Class: Mystery Description: This filthy thief is the one who has been bothering me since I became stranded here. their favorite thing to do appears to be stealing anything that interests it. List of things that interest it -a shovel -an old latch -rope I was going to trap it with -and mom's music box It appears to have made itself some armor from twisted metal and shields. that it carries on its back. Even though it freely approaches me I can not do the same or else it will flee, and when it does it hides behind Raphael. It knows Raphael will protect them. I can't think of any other name more fitting than Donatello.

Top Left: It has a hard underside but is soft on the rest of its body It didn't realize I was under it it let out a spooked squeak Middle Right: It has these strange spots along its nose. Bottom Right: I had to hide in a tree to get this view Bottom Left: Their eyes go white when they work it must be protecting its eyes. it uses its fire breath to attach the metal together.

Frida's log

|Masterpost|

[ja3hwa]

♡ 𝐂𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐲 | 𝐎𝐭𝟖 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ♡

【Synopsis】 : What if a Mob Boss decides to adopt/date a hybrid?

-> Genre: Suggestive. Gore. Fluff.

Pairing: Ot8!Mafia Bosses x Hybrid!Readers

[Warnings] : Swearing. Criminal activity. Killing. Death. The reader is a bad ass, okay. Mention of abusive and past trauma. Russian reader for Yeosang. Black Reader for Yunho and Mingi cause uh duh, my mans love them so brown beautiful women. San's reader has vitiligo. Mention of blood. Mention of being horny and sexual activities. Puppy love. Sappy shit. All the boys are whipped. What can i say hehe.

Note: SURPRISE! I know you all most definitely have been wanting me to update with another part to the dilf Au or my vampire mini series, but rest assured. I am still writing both. But i whipped this together cause i needed a little break. The dilf au part is currently at 3.8k words, and it's gonna be a long part, let me tell y'all ahha. Thank you for being patient with me, and i promise you'll be seeing more stuff soon. But for now. Enjoy some hybrids.

Masterlist | Navigation

Hongjoong - Slow Loris

Now, these hybrids are some of the most cutest and more desirable. And Hongjoong would be the type to want someone cute, and kind but fucking dangerous. When he first met you, he was in awe with your sweet like beauty. Now innocent you looked. Down to your soft smile and floral outfit. It was only until he watched you get hit on by another low-level mob boss. It was then that he saw the real you. The way you sat on the disgusting man's lap, you had not spoken a word, nor opened your mouth to smile. But within a split second, you bit down on the man's neck. He’d groan thinking you were just playing rough. But when you pulled away that’s when his men knew something was very, very wrong. Your venom had gotten into his system faster than anyone could save him. He’d be dead in minutes and Hongjoong would be in love in seconds.

Seonghwa - English Lop 

Seonghwa wanted to make sure the hybrid he got was perfect. But somehow, we are talking to Hongjoong for a couple of hours. He found himself in a local shelter for abandoned hybrids. And that’s where he found you. A very long-eared bunny. Your ears would fall past your shoulders, and you’d use them to cover your face. You were skittish, and Hwa found out that your type of breed was a product of human engineering. So you were bred to look like that, and you were a failed test. Seonghwa fell in love the moment he saw your big wide eyes. You were scared of the world and scared of humans. But Seonghwa was going to slowly teach you the joys you’d missed out on, and he was definitely going to find the men who hurt you and kill them for throwing you away. Cause you weren’t trash. You were just perfect.

Yeosang - Pallas cat

Yeosang wasn’t looking for a hybrid at the time he met you. But when he was having a meeting with some businessmen for a shipment log, you’d stroll in with a grumpy expression and fluffy tail all frizzed up and swaying annoyingly. Your thick Russian accent would catch him by surprise, and he would never admit it, but he loved the way words slipped off your tongue, and if he could, he would listen to you speak for hours. He knew your type of hybrid breed was naturally aggressive and dangerous. So when one of the men tried to boss you around, you easily just pistol-whipped him cause you could. He would make sure to get your number at the end of that day, and later, you found he was the only human you’d tolerate being around.

Yunho - Rottweiler

We all know for a fact that if this man was a hybrid he’d be a golden retriever. End of story. He holds the sun in his eyes and a constant pip in his step and even though he is supposed to be this big scary mob boss. Behind closed doors with his friends and family, he is just this lovable giant. And when he met you, it wasn’t he that went after you. But the other way around. He was at this bar, and some girls that he had no interest in were disturbing his alone wolf fun. He came to his friend's bar to get away from the clingy, whoring women that slither their way into the underworld scene. They were all the same and it bored him. And no matter how many times he told them to fuck off. They would not listen. And that is where you came in. Normally you wouldn’t get caught dead in a night club but your friend, a local street cat, needed some…fun as she put it. And you were her guard dog. She ditched you after 5 minutes, leaving with some guy that she said ‘He's so fuckable’. that’s when you saw Yunho being cornered by the snakes. You jumped into action, standing in between the girls and him, and successfully scared them away with your rage-filled swaying tail, straight pulled back ears, and snarling teeth.. They ran off quicker than a mouse. Yunho said thank you about a million times that night, immediately in love with your beauty. Your beautiful dark skin. The way your hair was slight patches of browns, blonds, and blacks with loose curls falling in front of your face. He was instantly taken by you, and like a golden retriever, developed puppy love.

San - Raccoon

Now, San did not want a hybrid. He never actually wanted one. The idea of having a creature to look after and don’t get started on people falling in love with them. He didn’t understand the fascination for them. Until he met you. Your mismatched nubbed ears, big almost pitch-black eyes, and faint patterns on your beautiful patching of dark and skin skin.. Your little bookshop became a place he would sneak off to when he got too stressed or just simply needed to see your cute little face. It would take him months to work up the courage to speak to you. And oh, the way your face would light you and your little ears would twitch whenever he was around…. Oh, yeah. He understood now.

Mingi - Spotted Deer

Mingi’s jaw would be on the floor when he first saw you. Your beautiful amber coloured skin with white creamy dots to complement. You were a walking goddess in Mingi’s eye. And the way your tight curled hair was up in a braid that held up a stunning crown that matched your sleek but classy dress. Yunho had dragged him to a hybrid pageant show cause he wanted to see what kind of hybrids Mingi would be interested in. And let's just say he was not going to leave the venue until he met you and got your number.

Wooyoung - Red Fox

Even though red foxes are common, they are one of the desirable in the hybrid trafficking rings since they are very breedable. Wooyoung and a sub-unit of men, a part of his organization, sought out these rings to help save hybrids, and that’s where he met you. Little, shy, scared you. The colour in your fur was almost gone, and there was no spark, no life in your eyes. It took months until you opened up, and then some more just for you to crack a smile. Your playfulness and cheekiness started to come out. You would run around, screaming, laughing, being chased by him. The life in your eyes was back, your smile growing and growing every day. And his love for you grew just the same.

Jongho - Red Panda

He was on an undercover sting for the last four nights. Sitting on the same street, waiting for some bastard low life that was crushing some of the operations Jongho was working on. And through these four days, he saw you every night. At the same time, on the dot going for a night walk. He was curious why such a cute little fluffy ball hybrid would be out at such an hour. Every night, too? What were you looking for? Were you just going for a walk for fun? It wasn’t until he saw the low life he was trying to catch grab you and pull you into a nearby alley. Jongho was out of his car and in the alley in seconds. But what he saw wasn’t the horrific image that flashed in his head. No, it was much more. Your sharp teeth covered in blood, dripping down and staining your clean clothing. Your fur is frizzy and puffed up. There was anger in your eyes. And Jongho knew two things. One, He was oddly horny about you killing someone twice your size and two, never, ever, get on your bad side. Luckily, he has never been in a direct line of your rage…. Wooyoung wasn’t so lucky.

[holdmytesseract]

moodboard by the wonderful @chennqingg <3

Wonders [EoH]

Daryl Dixon x fem!Reader feat. Teddy Dixon

Summary: Sometimes is all you need a wonder in a broken world...

Warnings: usual TWD stuff? lots of fluff, talks of pregnancy, slight angst, dad!Daryl

The Whisperer Era!

Word Count: 2,1k

a/n: I had to write this. 🥹 Hope y'all like this! 🤗

EoH Masterlist °☆• Daryl Masterlist °☆• Masterlist

"Ted?" You called out for your son; voice echoing through the little cottage. "Outside, momma!" Your son answered loud enough for you to hear; feet carrying you straight towards him.

The nine-year-old sat on a small log just outside the cottage. He was highly concentrated on making his first own arrow. His tongue poked out of his mouth and touching his upper lip; eyes fixated on the task ahead. Dog laid beside him on the grass. The faithful canine rarely left the boy's side. Not since Daryl told Dog to always protect Teddy. He understood the assignment. Smart animal, without a doubt...

Daryl was not far. Only a few yards away; chopping wood, so that he could always have an eye on his son.

It had gotten noticeably colder. That was the reason why your husband spent more time with hunting and especially chopping wood. Fall was making itself known and preparing you for the winter, which was probably already lurking just around the corner.

"Oh, you almost finished it?" You spoke in a bright voice; crouching down beside your kid to admire his good work. Teddy nodded proudly, "Mhm. Look!" and showed you the arrow. Of course, it was far from perfect and couldn't be used as a weapon. The tip was blunt - on purpose. Daryl didn't want Teddy to hurt himself. After all, Teddy was still young and his skills not entirely developed yet. But for that, the arrow was good. His father taught him well, you thought with a smile, like you did so often.

"Wow, that's amazing, baby. I'm proud of you," you smiled warmly at the boy and ruffled his long chestnut brown locks. Your son smiled up at you as well. "Thanks, momma."

You could feel Daryl's eyes on you; watching the scene in front of his eyes - which reminded you why you actually called your son...

"Teddy, could you go and check on the rabbit traps? I have to talk to daddy." He nodded, "Okay." and hopped from the log, before he carefully placed the arrow on it. "Take Dog with you and be careful, yes?" "Sure, momma. Dog, c'mon." Dog lifted his head and immediately jumped to his feet and fallowed his best friend.

You could still feel your husband's eyes on you, but this time you could tell that he was a bit confused.

Taking a deep breath, you straightened up again and made your way over to Daryl, who continued his work, now that you were on your way to him anyway. It had gotten colder, yes - even for Daryl, who had switched to wearing sweatshirts and long-sleeved shirts instead of t-shirts and shirts turned to tops with the sleeves ripped off. With a small grunt, he lunged out and precisely split the wood in two with his axe. You would've lied, if you said that this wasn't sexy in some kind of way. But now was not the time to ogle your man... You had something important to discuss...

"Daryl? Can we talk?"

Your husband looked at you with a mix of concern and confusion, but nodded. "Sure." He snuffled and placed the axe aside. "Do I have ta be worried?" You swallowed and looked down; fingers fumbling nervously with your shirt-sleeve. "Honestly? I-I don't know." A deep frown formed on the archer's forehead. Now he was really concerned - and you could see it clearly on his face. After over ten years being a couple, you could read this man like a book.

"Ya don know? Sunshine, wha's that s'pposed ta mean?"

Your eyes darted to Teddy for a short moment; watching him in distance check on the rabbit traps together with Dog. He had grown up so fast... Sure, in a world like this he had to, but you'd have loved to give him a better childhood and youth. Not cruel and full of death and blood. Was this truly something you wanted to bestow on another- "Hey, Y/N..."

Daryl's voice ripped you out of your thoughts; his hands on yours caused you to turn your head to face him again. "Wha's wrong? Talk ta me. Please." You swallowed once again; taking a deep breath. "Daryl, I... I missed two cycles. One happened before, but two..." You could see the gears turning in his head. He blinked; his palms twitching around your hands. "Darlin'... Are you... Are you tryin' to tell me wha' I think yer tryin' to tell me?" You nodded. "Uh.Huh..."

Daryl let go of your hands again and started to pace up and down; fingers scratching his goatee covered chin. You watched him for a few moments; giving him some time to process this - until you couldn't take the silence anymore. "D-Daryl? Say somethin', please..."

Your husband stopped dead in his movements for a moment, before he almost hastily started to search his things together. Crossbow, vest, map.

You frowned; now utterly confused. "Daryl?" He strapped on his crossbow, "'M goin' out; find a pharmacy and get a test." and smiled at you. Truly smiled. The first smile in months - hell, even years after Rick's disappearance, which reached his eyes.

You were slightly surprised and taken aback, but you certainly didn't complain. "A-Alright, sure, but now? Sweetie, it's gettin' dark soon..." Daryl was already making his way over to his bike. "Don care. I gotta know, sunshine. Hell, I wanna know." "Uh, okay," you were still rather flabbergasted, as you followed him. "But be careful, yeah? Be safe." The archer leaned slightly to the right, in order to press a quick, but loving kiss against your lips. "'Course, sunshine."

And off he went.

Your eyes fallowed him as long as you could; crossing your arms over your chest as the chilly breeze hit your body.

"Where's daddy goin'?" Teddy appeared beside you; Dog in tow and three rabbits in his hands. You looked down at your little boy; "Just on a small run. He'll be back soon." adjusting the red bandana around his neck. "Let's go inside, huh? It's getting cold."

Your son nodded and followed you inside the cottage.

It had gotten late. By now it was pitch black outside - and raining. Daryl wasn't back yet and so slowly started your worries to creep in. Therefore, you occupied yourself. Made sure everything was walker safe, took care of the rabbits, fed Dog, had dinner and spent some time with Teddy, before you wanted to send him off to bed. But, of course, like always, the nine-year-old refused to sleep. Not until his father was back. You had no other choice but to let him.

Another hour later, you finally heard the familiar sound of a motorcycle. A relieved sigh left your lips, while your son was already storming out of his tiny room and straight towards the door. He had heard it, too.

A few moments later, Daryl stepped inside; bringing a good portion rain, leaves and wind with him. He quickly shut the door, put down his crossbow and shed himself of his wet poncho.

"Daddy!" Teddy sprinted straight into his dad's arms, who lifted him up and hugged him tight. "Hey, bud. Yer not asleep yet?" Daryl looked at you and you silently told him why; Teddy still clinging to him. Daryl understood, of course and walked with his son without further ado to the boy's room, which was right behind your bedroom. For safety reasons, of course. "Good night, baby." Teddy turned to smile tiredly at you; hand tucked neatly into Daryl's. "Nighty night, momma."

While your husband tucked Teddy in, you hung up the wet poncho to dry. Now that Daryl was back from his little run and the worries about his well-being ceased, there was space again for the previous thoughts and fears to come back again. The missed cycles and the possibility of being pregnant. It wasn't like you didn't want to be, no. Actually, it would be a wonderful surprise, but... So much had changed around you since Teddy. The world had changed around you. Being pregnant wasn't that 'easy' anymore...

You didn't even notice that you were totally lost in thoughts, but when a strong arm wrapped itself around your waist, you snapped out of the bubble.

"Teddy asleep?" Daryl nodded. "Mhm." You felt the urge to be close to your husband; hoping that this would take your doubts and fears away. So, you leaned into his half embrace and slung your arms around his torso. Daryl immediately got the hint and wrapped you up in a big, protective bear hug.

"You okay?" You heard him ask then; concern swinging within his voice. "Yeah, 's just... You know..." You felt the archer nod against your head. "Let's find out?" "Let's find out."

Daryl handed you three different brands of pregnancy tests with a shrug. "Didn't know which one's good. Ain't ma specialty. Jus' thought 'm bringing them all." You took them. "It's okay, sweetie. Just gonna take all of 'em to be sure."

Said and done. With shaky hands you did what you had to do, before you returned to your husband, who was pacing again up and down the room like a wounded animal.

You placed all three tests upside-down on the little, wooden dining table; taking a deep breath. "How long do we have ta wait?" "Normally 'bout a few minutes," you answered and turned to face him. He nodded. Once more you stepped up close to your man; needing to ask the question which was occupying you since the first thought of pregnancy crossed your mind - even though he already gave you a nonverbal and kinda verbal answer. "Daryl..." You whispered his name; laying your palms on his chest. "Would you... Would you want this? A-Another baby? Would you be... happy 'bout it?"

You felt how one of his arms encircling your waist; the other hand cupping your cheek. "Darlin', I'd be the happiest man on earth. After all the things which happened..." He paused for a moment; swallowing hard - and you knew exactly what he meant. "Yeah. I'd be happy." You smiled softly; rubbing his pecks gently. "Truly?" Daryl nodded, but could definitely see in your eyes how troubled you were. "Yes. 'M not gonna... do the things I did ten years back. I promise." You shook your head. "'S not what I'm worried about, Daryl... I... The world has changed around us. Being pregnant is not that 'easy' anymore..."

The archer chew on his bottom lip; listening to your every word, before he nodded again. "I know whatcha mean, sunshine. 'S nothing easy in this world anymore, but we got each other. We'll make this work, 'cause we both want tis, right?"

A single tear rolled down your cheek as you smiled. "Yes."

Your husband reciprocated your smile and hugged you tightly; reassuring.

"Let's take a look, eh?" He whispered then; slowly letting go of you. You nodded, "Let's take a look." and took Daryl's hand in yours; gently pulling him over to the small dining table. You stared at the three plastic sticks; nervosity still coursing through your veins. "D-Daryl, can you...?" He squeezed your hand and stepped closer to the table. His eyes met yours as he nodded.

You swallowed hard and took a step back; watching how his calloused fingers danced over the tests. Daryl lifted all of them up and slowly turned them in his hands; eyes focused. "A-And?" He didn't answer you; just kept on staring. "Daryl!"

At the call of his name, he finally looked up; one of the biggest smiles you had ever seen him smile stretched over his whole face. "Well... Looks like we're gonna have 'nother baby, sunshine."

You blinked; needing a moment to process his words. "They... They're positive?" Your husband nodded; still smiling broadly. "All three of 'em?" Another nod. "Yeah," Daryl stated and turned them for you to see. And indeed... They were clearly positive.

"Oh my gosh..." You clapped your hand over your mouth; tears immediately blurring your vision. Yet you saw Daryl placing the tests aside again and stepping up to you; his hands finding their way around your waist. He pressed his forehead against yours. "'M happy about this, sunshine. I truly am. This is wonderful," he said in a low voice; holding on to you. "We got this, yeah?" You nodded; happy tears rolling down your cheeks as your hands clasped gently onto the lapels of Daryl's vest. "Yeah."

Both, you and Daryl enjoyed this little moment you had together; relishing in the joy of the news.

You started to giggle; taking Daryl a bit by surprise. "Teddy's gonna be over the moon 'bout this." Your husband agreed. "Hell yeah. He 'n Dog are gonna be the best big brothers." You giggled once again; the cutest scenarios already forming in your mind. "Oh, I'm convinced by that."

Tags: @celtic-crossbow @belitoxx @lou12346789 @fictive-sl0th @marvelcasey05 @loz-3 @mischief-dream @whore4romance @stitchintimefan @bigbaldheadname @making-the-most-0f-it @erebus-et-eigengrau @km-ffluv @0-aubrie0 @sweetz1919 @mikaela-granger @secretsicanthideanymore @dilfdixon @txtttttttttttttt @dixons-sunshine @wolfsmom1

[xcziel]

Are You Sure thoughts (i'm certain there will be more)

JIMIN'S THIGHS

jk ultra competent "let's get it. let's go" vibes

jimin rolls his shorts over at the waist when he wants them shorter just like the sorority girls in college

the BICKERING

jk hostess twinkie sponsorship when???

also boy do they like avocado

jimin water baby confirmed

they drove about equally? not on the bike but otherwise they shared

yoongi sleepy voice "what?" 😂

jk hanging up after 30 seconds what even

chef jk!!!

MMA joke explained!

also very possible reason for them being given lots of room for subsequent sleeping

hiking in slides???? i was afraid he was gonna fall off that log and hurt himself

jm needs mosquito repellant sponsorship actually

every time i wanted their lonely leftover fries so bad

jk coughing 🥺🥺 poor baby

both of them*very* conscious of the audience and addressing the camera

jk is so organized! but impulsive in the moment - SUPER relatable

the film quality!!! every place looked amazing! even the store parking lots lol. connecticut about to have the best tourist season ever

jk looked SO HAPPY on the bike

both of them thrilled to be out in the open air/nature

when they play fight jk serious about boxing form and jm resorting to wrestling and leg holds (which- with his leg strength...)

i am envying jk's suitcase packing like .. damn that is perfect folding

we really did get a bit of a mukbang - SO. MUCH. EATING.

DOMESTICITY OFF THE CHARTS

jm just constantly doing bits and making up little songs and weird sounds

BOTH of them just "yes and"-ing each other until they crack up

i am american and just the familiarity of the places and people with jikook dropped in the middle was mind-blowing. when they get out if they start this up again (which sounds like the intention) i have to beg for them to come to texas

impromptu forest seven mv! jm parking lot dance moves! (with the wet asphalt stripes even!)

saying he's gonna starve himself after 🥺 like i sincerely think these trips are the only reason he didn't waste away he was so busy tired and then sick too

jm so much like my mom, like turning on the seat heater in the 86F car?

but then jk kept getting wet and then going in air-conditioned places? y'all. i'm glad they ate outside so much in that case hah

jimin's fluffy *hair* 😍 (the bed hair! lol)

jk music critique and advice hour! and he is RIGHT jm *should* growl more

feeding the staff! they are the sweetest 🥰

also i appreciated the explanation about what each is trying to do with their music

jk: i want to showcase my voice and singing talent in a variety of styles

jm: i like writing songs but it takes longer for me

[it-was-summer]

Video Killed the Radio Star - Tape #4 (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

A/N: Y'all this chapter took so long to write. This is NOT proofread once again me and Grammarly were beefing because she doesn't understand fanfiction. Nonetheless, it is 12 am MST and here it is. Now for an overall warning, this chapter talks about so much that I was to let everyone know that I meant for this to be a dark series. That was my goal. I'm so sorry if some of these topics seem like they're too heavy for you. If you feel overwhelmed, disgusted, or just find it hard to read please remember that it is okay and you are loved. This chapter mentions miscarriages, eating disorders, gunshot wounds, suicide, etc. I love you all and stay healthy. I will try to post my 500 followers post soon! Not proofread because eepy. YOU'LL read my chapter unedited and you'll like it! (hopefully). Thanks for reading. -Love you all, Em.

Video Killed the Radio Star Remake Masterlist

Link to the Ao3: Video Killed the Radio Star

Previous Chapter: Tape #3 > Next Chapter: Coming Soon...

WARNING: miscarriage, eating disorder, catholic guilt, bisexuality mention??, period underwear, stalking, marital problem, divorce, sexual harassment, guns, knives, gunshot wound, This bitch shoots someone, suicide, mention of a skull, blood so much blood.

Tape Contents: We briefly dive into Heather's past. Adeline makes a call that gives the team a reason to visit the suburbs. Heather makes a decision. You see something other than pink for the first time in four days.

Word Count: 6,296

Seven to Four Years Prior- January 10, 20XX

Heather had to get out of Norfolk. She felt suffocated under her father’s watchful gaze and helicopter ways. He was a hard man to love and hard to be around in general. When he drank, she used to pray that he would forget about her, so she became quiet. She didn’t have many friends here anyway, so she took you out of the equation and knew no one else would know her name. 

So, with a heavy heart, she moved her life away to Richmond. She changed her major to nursing and killed that quiet girl from Norfolk. She fabricated real lies that sometimes she couldn’t separate from reality. She stared at girls silently with longing and played it off as admiration if she was ever caught. Catholic guilt stopped it from growing into anything else. 

She was slow to open up about her feelings and showed people an extroverted sorority girl nursing graduate who liked to go to bars on the weekend and let men’s hands pull at her hips desperately in dark corners. 

Now, at twenty-four, she only thought about one thing: how good her stomach looked in this dress. She had thinned out tremendously since the move. At first, it started due to not having enough money to eat anywhere except the shitty university cafeteria. Then, it warped into something else. During its worst moments, she would log her calories or purge food moments after eating it. She could look into mirrors afterward and feel she was achieving something remarkable. Then, sometimes, she would also look at her face and think, ‘Is that what I look like’? 

But tonight, she wanted to do something different, something fun. Having told her sorority sisters this, they all jumped on board quickly, agreeing to meet at the bar around 10 p.m. that Saturday. They were thirty minutes late. 

Heather was gently fiddling with the hem of her short black dress, her eyes flickering towards the entrance every so often as she waited for them to walk in. This year, she wanted to be happier, less suffering in silence, and a little more smiley. So yes, she wanted to have fun with people she called friends. Despite all her efforts, she was sure they could see right through her sometimes. She swallowed nervously as she nursed a margarita. 

The next time she looked at her phone, she saw texts from her former sisters saying that work had been hectic and that they needed to reschedule for another time. So now, Heather Alexander was right back at square one: alone. She glanced down at her dress and frowned slightly at its tight material. It was the kind of dress that made her uncomfortable but made men comfortable. Something always felt wrong with that. Heather always secretly knew that she felt an attraction to women and men, but she always felt guilty at the thought. 

She sighed as she debated her next move when she saw him. He was the prettiest man she had ever seen. He had soft masculine features that almost looked slightly feminine, a uniform clad against his chest, and a charming boyish smile as their eyes met. Heather whispered a silent prayer that he would like her as he approached her and introduced himself as David Hernandez. How could she not fall for him instantly? Deep brown eyes, pink lips, dark skin, and a low rumble in his voice made her feel like giggling. 

It wasn’t long before the two of them were getting married. They spent a few months together in domestic bliss. He got some time off from work, and she kept her last name, and they were… happy. 

At least they were happy for six months, and then her world shattered around her as David was deployed to England. She cried herself to sleep the night she heard, and David stroked her back softly to calm her. Heather didn’t want him to leave her and see someone better overseas. She was sure that women would throw themselves at David’s feet, begging him to kiss them, touch them, fuck them, like whores in the street of Babylon. She couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else touching him, looking at him the way she looked at him, talking to him the way she did in his ear late at night. She begged him to try and find some way out of it, scared to lose what was rightfully hers, but he couldn’t. He left that week.

At first, it was just six months, but then it stretched out into a year of deployment—a year spent being faithful to a man across the Atlantic. She called him when she had time, wrote letters to him, sent him emails, and constantly contacted him in any way she could. 

When he got home, it was clear that all her efforts had gone to waste. David was distant. He would sulk in corners of their home on his phone. He would lament on and on about how England felt like his home and how he missed it. She couldn’t stand it. This house they bought together was his home, and it always had been. Why was he struggling to see that? 

The more he talked of his deployment, the more Heather became frustrated with him. Then he started to go out more. At first, it was just to speak with some Army friends on base a few spread-out weekends in the month. Then it was every weekend. 

Heather found that the only thing that could keep him home was sex. So they had sex constantly, like animals in heat. Disgusting and rutting against each other any moment they could. However, the second that it was over, he would withdraw again. He would get dressed and say he had to get to the base. 

Then he was coming late, drunk and slurring, as he pulled her to the edge of the bed and woke her up with sensual touches and dirty talk. She took this as a good sign he was coming home to his wife. He was fucking her and no one else. But slowly, he stopped coming home. He would call her late at night to tell her he would stay with a friend for the night. The following day, he would come home smelling sweet. 

Heather felt lost, searching desperately for something to save her marriage. She was devoting all of her love to a man who no longer wanted it, and she could feel him falling out of love with her. 

Her saving grace was the morning that she found out she was pregnant. She called David with tears in her eyes and told him softly over the phone, and she heard him laugh for the first time in months. And just like that, he was back. 

His soft touches, kisses in the grocery store, and dancing with her in the living room were all back. Her devoted and dotting husband had returned home to her. She could feel the dark cloud of the past couple of months dissipate and the sun shining on her. 

That light lasted a good three months. Heather sat up straight as pain coursed through her body, thundering in her abdomen as she shook David awake with tears streaming down her face. Something was wrong with the baby; she knew it. He drove her to the hospital as fast as he could, but it was too late. She had already miscarried.

Heather took a small sabbatical from work and took time to think about her life. She would stare out of their living room window blankly for hours. David was attentive at first, coming home after work and tending to Heather’s broken spirit. But he soon became bored of that routine. 

When Heather returned to the pediatric oncology unit, David was notified that he was being deployed again to Okinawa, Japan. He was packed and ready by the end of that month. She didn’t see him off at the airport, picking up an extra shift at the hospital to distract her from the fact that he was leaving her again. 

David called her two months into his leave to tell her he wasn’t happy. He wanted a divorce. Then he hung up before she could get a word in. That’s when it all started. Her obsession with consuming anything romantic was almost debilitating. She would visit bookstores and attend readings at the public library, sometimes calling off from work to sit at home with her romances. That’s when she saw you again. She thought that you would have stayed in Norfolk. You had once told her that you loved the water. You liked how it could look gloomy and promising on different days, with mist rolling off the surface. 

She tried not to talk to you. She did. She didn’t want to scare you away like she scared David away. No, no, no, she was sure it would all work out this time. So she loved you from a comfortable distance, watching you from her car on the weekends at night, leaving you her gifts on your windshield—a silent courting. 

She couldn’t help herself on Valentine’s Day. She had slipped into Nicole Smith’s room without Adeline recognizing her, and she gave the table with Adeline’s purse on it a gentle knock with her hip. Heather apologized quickly, telling her not to worry. She promptly dropped to the floor to gather the spilled contents from Adeline’s bag, and she slipped a labeled key connected to a keychain that read ‘or die’ into her pocket. Once she had copied the key, she quickly returned the original to its owner. 

She felt electric when she entered your apartment on Valentine's Day in a dark outfit, a hood covering her face, and four dozen rose petals in a container. She breathed in your perfume as she perused through your bathroom. She traced the spine of every book she could touch on your shelves. She gently dove into your dirty hamper and quickly pulled out a pair of dirty underwear, blood on the inside of them as she shamelessly slipped them into her pocket. Then she got to work spreading the petals throughout your apartment. By the end, she stared at her work, panting lightly as she lay across on your rose-covered bed. 

She had to have you. 

Present Day- March 5, 20XX

Derek and Spencer managed to get to the public library an hour before closing. They pulled your coworker, Valerie, aside. She was a pretty brunette, glasses resting on her face delicately as she stared at the two men with a soft look of disappointment. She knew that if they were here, they had yet to find you, and the thought made her feel like breaking down in a fit of tears. She fought the urge to cry as Derek asked her a question, sliding a copy of the Polaroid you had received on your windshield. “Do you happen to remember anyone coming in with a Polaroid camera?” 

Valerie stared at the Polaroid with a soft frown, trying to remember something helpful. Spencer spoke quickly, “Sometime around January fourteenth, maybe?”

Valerie chewed on her bottom lip before the memory washed over her, “Yes! Yes, oh gosh, she was blonde, I think. I remember telling her we didn’t like flash photography in the library. I only saw the back of her head, but I remember the back of her head and the flash of a camera.” 

Spencer tilted his head slightly and nodded at Valerie’s words, processing the information silently.“Are you sure it was a woman?” Spencer asked softly before Valarie enthusiastically nodded. 

“Yes, it was definitely a woman who took the picture.” She confirmed in a soft voice before she looked down at the Polaroid with a gentle tenderness in her eyes. “She baked me cookies last week, you know?” She looked up at the two men with a sad smile and tears in her eyes. “My cat is sick, and she made me cookies to make me feel better.” She laughed sadly as the tears started to fall. 

Derek placed a soft hand over Valerie’s and gave her a tender look, “We’re looking for her,” The words caused a shaky sigh to escape Valarie’s lips as she pulled her hand away quickly and stood up. 

Her cheeks were red as she cried out a soft “Excuse me.” before she turned on her heel and hurriedly left the room. 

Spencer picked up the picture and stared at you in the photo. The way your hair shined in the fluorescent light, your eyes and smile trained directly on the person you were talking to. You were personable, and the thought made his stomach turn. He looked over at Derek as Spencer handed the photo back to him. 

The two men walked out of the library silently, and Derek let out a soft sigh as he watched the sun starting to settle against the horizon. Spencer walked beside him with his hand stuffed in his pockets, and his head hung a little low in thought. 

Derek broke the silence first, “We should get back to the station to see if JJ and Rossi have anything,” 

And then they rode back in contemplative silence after that. 

March 6, 20XX

You weren’t sure if it was day or night anymore. All you knew was that you were starting to feel uneven. Every creak of wood, settling of pipes, and rumble of the house had your back straightening against the bed. You were sure that Heather would fly in at any moment and touch you. 

A million options weighed heavy in your mind at the scenario; you could fight back again, but that would get you sliced again or worse. You could go with it, zone out as much as possible, let her have her way with you. That option made your head spin with nausea. You had to find a way to get out. 

You licked at the gash on your lip, gently exploring the cut with your tongue until you could feel the warmth of blood again. You pushed your tongue back into your mouth and looked over at your day-old apple on the nightstand, half-eaten and brown. You tenderly took a small bite that wouldn’t require you to move your lips too much. 

You didn’t have much of the day-old meal left; a half-full water and this apple was all you had. You chewed softly, fighting off the nausea that threatened to creep in due to the morphine. 

You tried to remember anything that could be helpful to you. It was hard to think of high doses of morphine. You had played with the knob often; when you were ready to sleep, it would go up, and when you were up, it would turn down. But lately, you just wanted it to be turned up. 

You tried to think of when Heather came into the pink room. She always stuffed her keys into her pockets. A plan was in the making: Get her out of her clothes, and you could get the keys. 

You nodded a little despite your discomfort with the idea of her touching you again. You just had to seduce her a little, which should be easy considering that she was ‘in love’ with you. The only problem with that plan was that you had a mangled ankle and a body running on morphine; she didn’t. Heather’s temper was quick when you talked back, and rage followed if you did something against her liking. 

Maybe begging would work. No, you tried that already. Why would begging work? Perhaps you could hurt yourself just enough to force her to take you to the hospital. But that didn’t work either; she was a nurse. She wouldn’t incriminate herself like that, would she? Maybe total submission would be the key. 

Convince her that you love her back and somehow ask to be let out with her supervision, but that could take forever. 

You started to cry softly as you set down the core of the apple and laid down, wishing to pull your legs to your chest, but the pain of one ankle and the chain around the other made that physically impossible. 

You cried until you felt your eyelids become heavy, tears still slipping out of your eyes as you fell into a morphine-induced sleep. 

March 6, 20XX

JJ paced back and forth in front of the bulletin board, occasionally flicking her eyes over to the photos pinned to it as she tried to chase what was likely to be a loose end. The number that had called yours and left a message full of sobs had been a burner. 

Spencer had tried to tell her to eat something this morning, but as the clock’s hands crept towards nine a.m., she still didn’t feel hungry enough to try. She sighed out another frustrated huff as Emily appeared in front of her. “If you sigh like that one more time, I think I might have to force a croissant down your throat.” 

JJ gave her another dramatic sigh before she put her hands on her hips: “I’m sorry, I just feel like we have no leads. We know it's a woman, but Adeline isn’t likely to be the unsub, and all her coworkers have alibis. It just feels like we are running around with our heads cut off.” 

Emily smiled and gave her a gentle nod of understanding, “I get it, but you pacing around like this isn’t helping anyone. Let’s get you a drink, coffee, or maybe something to eat.” 

“People who eat breakfast consistently are twenty-five percent likely to be more productive at work,” Spencer spoke up from a desk not too far from the two women. 

Emily pointed over at Spencer, “See? You’re making Spencer freak out.” 

“I’m not freaked out,” Spencer frowned at the comment before looking back at a file on the desk. 

JJ’s smile was slow as she let her hands fall to her side and let out a soft, “Fine.” She agreed as Emily walked over to the precinct's breakroom, JJ following her. 

Derek was clicking a pen obnoxiously in an off-beat rhythm. He was about to say something when his phone started to ring on his desk. He didn’t recognize the number, but he answered it anyway. “Hello?” 

“Hi, uhm, is this Special Agent Morgan?” Adeline’s voice was shaky through the phone. 

Derek relaxed slightly as he set down his pen. “Yeah, Adeline. Did something happen?” He couldn’t think of another reason as to why she would call the number he had left with her if nothing happened. He was too focused on the case to think of any other reason anyway. 

“Yeah, maybe? I was talking to one of the nurses about something today, and I recognized one of them. I don’t know how I didn’t see it sooner, but it was an old friend from college. She was more Y/N’s friend than mine, but I talked to her a little.” Adeline’s voice dropped to a whisper as she continued, “I mentioned that she was missing, and Heather had a weird reaction. She smiled for a second. I swear, she said she was sad to hear that, but she looked… well, for a second, it just seemed like maybe she was happy.” 

Derek picked the pen back up again, ready to write down a name. It wasn’t much, but they could visit her. “What was her name again?” 

“Gosh, it was Heather something… Heather, Heather, Heather,” She bit her lip as she tried to think back. “Alexander! Heather Alexander.” 

Derek wrote it down and muttered quickly, “We'll look into it, thanks.” As a goodbye, he let Adeline quickly thank him over the phone before he hung up and called Penelope. 

Penelope, quick as always, picked up on the first ring. “Center of divine intellect,” was her greeting. 

“Good morning to you, too, baby girl. Listen, could you get Heather Alexander's address? Adeline Smith called saying that she had a strange reaction to hearing about our girl going missing.” 

“Easy,” was her answer before Derek could hear the sounds of keys being tapped against and a soft humming sound emitting from Penelope’s lips as she pulled up the address: “4432 Lake Margaret Pl., Chesterfield, Virginia.” 

“You are an angel, Garcia.” 

“I always aim to please,” 

“And you never fail, baby girl.” 

JJ had begged Derek with her eyes to let her go with Spencer. It was just an interview, not even an interrogation, just to see if the connection between you and Heather went deeper than old college friends. So why shouldn’t she go? 

Derek wasn’t one to put up a big fight, so he let her with Spencer. It was only thirty minutes away anyway, so if they needed the team it wouldn’t take too long for them to show up, right? He stayed behind on the phone with Garcia, who was doing her best to see if Heather had any criminal history on her record. 

As the car rolled around the cul de sac, Spencer’s eyes struggled to look away from the plethora of plants in the fenced-in front yard. Pink anemones were scattered amongst daffodils, and what looked like daisies were blooming side by side. JJ rolled the car to a stop, parking it against the curb. 

“Pretty yard,” She muttered as she took the keys out of the ignition. Spencer nodded a little; he had to admit that Spring came in a close second to Fall as the superior season in his mind. The flowers growing after frozen earth had kept them dormant, the welcomed feeling of the sun getting slightly warmer. It was still somewhat chilly at ten in the morning as he stepped out of the car with JJ, but he had to admit, it was shaping up to be a beautiful day weather-wise. 

His head tilted back a little as he stole a glance at the blue sky above them and smiled before stuffing his hands into his pockets and tilting his head toward the house. JJ smiled and walked beside him, happy to be out of the precinct and in the early morning air.

Heather was washing the paring knife she had used on you in her kitchen sink, facing a large bay window in her living room. She swiped at the hardened blood and frowned a little at the memory. Why was she so upset with you? She could hardly remember herself when she got angry like that. 

It was almost fitting, her flying off the handle over something so simple as you not being ready for her love. Was she no better than a man? Had she gotten so accustomed to men's vile and sharp ways that she had somehow forgotten how to be gentle? 

She felt her hands shake as a voice came into her head, whispering her worst fear: She was worse than her father. 

She let tears blur her vision at the thought as she rubbed the knife harder with a sponge, shaking her head quickly. No, no, no, no. She was not like that man. She was not cold like that man. She was lovable. She felt love. She felt overwhelming love for you. She had felt overwhelming love for David. 

Her downward spiral was cut short as she lifted her weeping head and saw a black SUV parked in front of her yard. She quickly wiped away a stray tear with the back of her hand and sniffled lightly as she gently slid the knife into the dishwasher, watching two people get out of the van. 

Heather’s eyes were glued to the blonde at first, pretty and fair in the morning sun before her eyes flickered to the man beside her. She recognized him immediately. She was sure it was the same man she almost ran into at the hospital yesterday. 

She dried her hands as she walked around the kitchen island. As they got closer, her head arched to see how close they were. Panic was running through her veins. Her gun was in her room upstairs, loaded. She just had to get upstairs; her feet were quick to try and run upstairs and stash it somewhere close before they could ring the doorbell. Just as the idea seemed plausible enough, the bell rang through the house. 

Heather let out a silent scream of panic as she smoothed out her shirt, fixed her hair, and caught a quick glance of her pretty face in the mirror near the front door before she swung it open with a pleasantly fake smile on her face. Her eyes quickly scanned both of their faces as she smiled. “Can I help you?”

“Yes, hi. My name is Jennifer Jareau. This is Spencer Reid. We’re with the FBI, and we were just wondering if we could ask you some questions.” JJ spoke clearly as she flashed her badge at Heather, a slight smile on her lips as she looked into Heather’s eyes. Spencer recognized her, finding it strange that he had almost run directly into the beautiful woman at the hospital just the day before. 

Heather laughed softly and nodded as she stepped aside, opening the door wider to let the two agents inside. “Of course,” Her hands were shaking, but she gripped the edge of the door tightly, half tempted to slam it directly in their faces and go upstairs to shoot Catherine and herself to freedom.  

They weren’t on to her yet; she was sure of that– especially given their lack of people– just two against one. She was quick to shut the door behind them before leading the two of them into her living room. “Can I get you two any water? I have some juice.” 

The two agents shook their heads in a polite ‘no, thank you’ way as they sat on the sofa across from Heather. Heather sat on a chair with a soft “Okay” as she eyed them carefully. “Am I in some kind of trouble here?” 

“No, We just wanted to ask you a few questions regarding an old college friend of yours, Y/N L/N.” 

“Well,” She smoothed out her long skirt slowly, remembering to breathe normally, “What about her?” 

“Had you been in contact with her at all? Did she mention anything about someone following her?” 

Heather let out a gentle laugh as she shook her head, “I haven’t really had the time to reach out to old friends lately,” 

Spencer’s interest peaked as he joined the conversation, “How come?” 

Heather’s gaze became a little pointed at the question. Of course, the man has to ask her, “I lost a baby recently, and my husband was deployed soon after, so forgive me for not becoming pen pals with someone I knew at eighteen.” The words were direct and vicious, but she couldn’t help herself. She blew out a soft sigh before she let out a gentle and timid, “I’m sorry,” 

Spencer licked his lips nervously as he leaned back against the sofa slightly, trying to resist the urge to disappear into it. Self-isolation wasn’t uncommon for women who had recently suffered from a miscarriage. That feeling more than likely increased as her support system was ripped away from her. 

JJ gently touched Spencer’s knee before she cut the tension. “I’m sorry to hear that, Mrs. Alexander. We’re just trying to piece some information together.” 

Heather ran a hand through her hair before she gave JJ a tight-lipped smile. “I understand that; I’m sorry. Would it be alright if I ran upstairs for some medicine? I feel a headache coming on.” She spoke fast with a tense voice, trying her hardest to pass it off as pain with a rub of her temple. When JJ nodded, she stood up and headed upstairs as calmly as she could manage. 

JJ looked over at Spencer, watching Heather walk away carefully. “She seems angrier with men than anything.” Her voice was slightly amused before Spencer frowned. 

“Doesn’t mean she’s in the clear; stalking is often a form of intense infatuation, but it's also used as a way to control something. She’s struggling with two things that could be our stressors: she’s craving control or dependency. She-” The soft ringing of his phone cut off his whispered rant. He answered it, happy that at least it was just Garcia calling, hoping for a better lead than his ongoing hunch. 

He stood and looked at JJ, who was mouthing for him to go outside, “Hey,” He answered as he slipped out of the front door. 

“Hey, nothing is coming up anywhere on Heather’s record for criminal activity—sorority sister, wife, nurse, clean as a whistle. However, considering we don’t have much right now, I decided to see if she had any warnings at work.” 

“Right,” Spencer looked over his shoulder at the front door as he walked away to stand in front of the garage. 

“Well, last month, she got a write-up for stealing some morphine; her supervisor forced her to go see a therapist after Heather said that she was using it for some leftover pain she was experiencing after her miscarriage. But Heather never showed,” 

Spencer was walking a little further down the driveway as he listened to Garcia talk on the phone, counting the number of windows in the house. His eyes narrowed slightly to try and block out the sun before he looked away. He licked his bottom lip gently before acting on his little hunch, “Could you check her credit report? See if there are any purchases that you can find that seem odd around March third?” 

“Could I check her credit report,” Garcia repeated with a laugh, “Hold on, boy genius.” 

Spencer could see the top of JJ’s head from the bay window, and he turned away slightly, finding ease in the fact that she was still there. Something felt off, and he couldn’t put his finger on it. “She went to the store, but nothing crazy. Bought,” He could hear typing, “Bleach and rubbing alcohol.” 

Spencer chewed on the inside of his cheek as he asked, “When was her husband deployed again? Did she buy anything from a florist around Valentine’s Day?” 

“Husband was deployed December first and,” she hummed gently before she sighed, “Bought some flowers on Valentine’s day, rose petals.” 

Spencer felt that feeling when something connected in his brain, a rush of adrenaline as he felt his hunch slowly turn into a plausible accusation. The roses were just that, roses. But the bleach and rubbing alcohol? That’s a recipe for chloroform right there. And finally, Heather’s husband was deployed at the beginning of December, stressor number two. It made him feel slightly hopeful about walking back into the house. “Thanks, Garcia.” He said as his feet reached the end of the driveway. He hung up the phone, walking back towards the house at a fast pace when the familiar and startling 'crack' of a gun reached his ears. 

His hands drew his gun out of the holster, running back towards the house. He pushed the front door open with his foot as he heard the thumping of footsteps running on the stairs. He rounded the corner to the living room before lowering his gun as he saw JJ bleeding from a bullet wound in her thigh. 

“JJ!” His voice panicked as he reached her groaning side, kneeling low to the ground next to her. “What happened?” 

JJ shook her head quickly, “I’m calling for backup. She ran upstairs. She didn’t even try to,” her eyes squeezed shut tightly as a sharp pain rattled through her inner thigh, “Just go!” She urged him as she reached down for the phone in her back pocket, her free hand pressing on her gushing wound to try and slow the bleeding. 

Spencer’s eyes were filled with uncertainty as he let out a soft, “No, I’ll stay here until everyone gets-” 

“Spencer, go!” 

Spencer felt his spine straighten at the second command. He gave her a grim nod as he stood up, readied his gun, and started for the stairs. His footsteps were soft and calculated as he ascended, pink light flooding the floor as he approached the top of the stairs. He could hear gentle begging in a voice too soft and thick to be Heather’s. 

“Please, Heather, please, my love. Don’t, please don’t.” Repetitive cries for mercy made his legs move faster until he approached an opened door. The regular-looking bedroom door gave way to a steel one just behind it before revealing the scene of what looked like a demented love nest. 

Spencer swallowed a lump in his throat as he took in the scene. Gun pointed carefully at Heather as he spoke, “Heather, put down the gun. You love her. You don’t want to hurt her. You know that.” 

Heather jumped a little at the sound, her pistol clicking softly as her sweaty palms tightened their grip. She was quick to turn her body around to face him with the gun aimed directly at him as she spoke. “Don’t pretend like you know me or her. You don’t know our relationship. She wants this just as much as I do.” 

“You know she doesn’t look at her. Look at what you’re doing to her.” 

Heather’s eyes drifted to you, chained to the bed, watching as you hyperventilate softly. Heather felt her bottom lip quiver before she looked back at Spencer. “She’s just scared. You’re making me do this. She knows you’re making me do this.” 

Spencer’s eyes drifted to your crying form on the bed, trying to keep your sobs quiet as you stared at him with wild eyes. He glanced over at the morphine drip next to your bed before his eyes settled back on Heather. His lips parted to say something more, but she cut him off quickly, “Put your gun down, and I won’t do it.” 

Heather’s body language gives her away as she motions for him to put his gun down, her eyes crazed and large, her hands shaking and rigid against her pistol. “I’m not going to-” 

“Put your fucking, gun down, or she dies,” Heather yells so loud that it elicits a soft sob from your lips, your arms coming up to protect your head, ready for the shot to be administered and for your brains to be blown out in front of Spencer in that very moment. 

Spencer holds up both of his hands at that; he swears he can hear the soft sounds of sirens in the distance as he lowers his gun to the floor slowly, his foot gently kicking the gun away with a soft ‘clack.’

“Now you,” his calm voice says as he raises his hands, inching closer. Tears stream down Heather’s face now as she shakes her head gently. 

“I have to,” Is her tear-soaked reply as she keeps the barrel pointed at Spencer’s head, her fingers twitching lightly as they move for the trigger. Your shaking voice cuts through the scene, and Spencer is pretty sure it’s the only thing that is stopping him from diving for his gun a few feet from him. 

“Heather, baby,” Your voice betrays you as you speak the pet name, coming off a little too forced, but you continue anyway. “He can help. You don’t have to hurt anyone else. We can be happy, and we can get away. He can help, right?” Your arms relax around your head slowly as you look over at Spencer, who nods silently. 

“I can, but you have got to put your gun down.” 

Heather chokes out a strangled sob as she looks over at you, watching as you smile at her. You know it’s forced, but Heather can only view it as the prettiest thing she’s ever seen—a great parting gift. 

She feels spit thick on her tongue as she evaluates her options: kill Spencer and go to jail. Kill you, and she might not have enough time to kill herself. Killing herself seems like the best plan out of the three, so she holds her gun steady at Spencer as she looks at your now bleeding smile. 

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” Her voice is soft, almost so human that you feel your heart clench in pity before that clenching feeling turns into pure anxiety as you see the movement of her arm. Spencer’s feet aren't quick enough for him to tackle her to the ground as Heather raises the gun to her temple and pulls the trigger. 

Her body drops to the edge of the bed, sliding down it as you feel blood coat your legs. Your ears are ringing, and your mouth is wide open as you scream. At least you think you’re screaming. You can’t hear much but a pathetic muffle of the sound as the ringing in your ears increases.

Your hands are quick to try and wipe off chunks of what looks to be part of a skull off of your exposed stomach, and you can’t seem to stop staring at Heather’s limp body at the edge of the bed. The image of her mangled head oozing blood has you gagging softly, feeling yourself getting ready to be sick before you feel two hands cup your face. 

You’re screaming or sobbing; you can’t tell anymore as Spencer Reid’s face blocks the view. He keeps your face steady in his hands as you try to read his lips, your breathing heavy as he strokes your hair gently. His voice creeps in through the ringing until you eventually hear the soft repetition of, “I got you, look at me. Just keep looking at me; you’re safe.”

You feel your breathing slow, your arms reaching up to grab him before your eyes roll back as your body slumps against Spencer’s, and everything is engulfed in black.

Tag List: @dollykisses4reid @babyspiderling @cocobean16 @kodzukenie333 @mmmunson

[cravetive]

THE MESS WE LEAVE BEHIND

❈ Pairings: Namjoon x F!reader , Jimin x F!reader

❈ Genre/Au: M (18+);smut;Marriage Au;Namjoon x Jimin best friends! Cheating! Angst.

❈ Synopsis: Falling in love with your husband’s best friend was not at all how you imagined your life to go, and his return has you unraveling under the lies you’ve created to keep your family.

❈ Warnings: smut, dirty talk, thigh riding, foul language, mentions of cheating, fingering, hair pulling, unprotected sex (don't do it), pregnancy, Namjoon is a angel from above, Angst, riding, Y/n is a mess, pet names ( baby) , Angst with no alleviation, spanking, orgasms , mentions of arousal, did i say angst?

❈ Word Count: 8.0 K sumthing brief

❈ Authors Note: I don't know how to feel about this, but I was compelled to write it so bone apple teeth Y'all! btw, i did not proofread this.

-

“As for the dog, he’s still riding that log” Namjoon read from the child book in his hand as he brushed his other hand through his daughter's hair. “What a crazy dog” Namjoon chuckled at his daughter but as he looked down, he noticed the now-sleeping child resting peacefully on his chest. He observed closely as his daughter snored softly, a smile rising to his face. Namjoon recalled the first time he had heard he was going to be a father, he remembered how nervous he had been, fear quickly consuming him and filling him with doubt.

 He didn’t think himself capable or worthy of ever filling the role of a father but as soon as he saw her little face for the first time, he knew he didn’t want to be anything else but her dad.

Now she was 6 months old, and he couldn’t even understand why he had been so nervous in the first place. She was his entire world, and he was hers. Before her arrival, he looked for meaning in everything, trying to find something missing in himself but now, having his daughter asleep peacefully on his chest, he discovered it was all that he needed.

 He carefully laid the book down and proceeded to softly move her into her crib, covering her with a blanket and leaving a sweet kiss on her forehead. He walked towards the door and held onto the light switch, looking at his sleeping child one last time before turning off the lights.

He took a deep breath and walked towards his kitchen, softly humming a lullaby to himself.

“You know, I think I'm going to open a daycare in the museum” he spoke as he stepped inside the kitchen. His wife giggled loudly from where she stood putting away the dishes. “a daycare? In the art museum?” she asked, a laugh pouring out afterward. He chuckled as he reached her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and planting a kiss on top of her head.

“I just think it will allow me to see Harumi more” he explains, leaning his chin on Y/n shoulder. He closes his eyes as he breathes in her scent. Finding comfort in the familiar smell of her Coco Channel perfume. “Namjoon, it’ll be hard for her to incorporate herself into her daycare if you keep this up” Y/n whines.

“Fine, but it's not easy for me” he replies, burying his face into the crook of her neck.

“I can't imagine not seeing her chunky cheeks for 8 hours every day” he continues “It’ll be torture!” he chuckles.

“We have to go back to work eventually, Joon” Y/n responds.

“6 months is not enough time” he exhales, looking up at his wife.

“Joon, you are the best curator they have” Y/n voices “I know they have been in shambles since you left.”

“well, what about you? how do you think they have been doing without their top exhibit designer?” he mocks, a mischievous smile forming on his lips.

“oh god, please try to make this easier for me” she groans “If we are both reluctant to return to work, how will we feed her?” she asks, a giggle pouring along with it.

“Fine but I'm talking to the board of directors regarding this family leave thing, it should be way more than 6 months” he pouts whilst Y/n nods in agreement.

He reaches for her glass of wine and takes a gulp. “Hey!” she protests, slapping his arm playfully “That’s my wine.” “What do we say? Sharing is caring Y/n” he says, side-eying his wife. She rolls her eyes and turns on her feet, snatching the glass of wine from his hand.

“How was bedtime today? Did she give you trouble?” she asks, taking a drink from her glass.

“I gave her the dad special” he brags, wiggling his eyebrows which causes another laugh to fall from Y/n’s mouth. “I read her a bedtime story and she was out like a light” he smiles, recalling his daughter sound asleep in her room. Y/n joins his smile and leans into his chest, burying her cheek against it. He moves his arms around her, pushing her into him and swaying side to side.

“You know, I’ll miss this” he comments, looking down at her. She pushes herself slightly and looks up at Namjoon. She doesn’t speak, only admiring the man who towers over her, and she swears she has never felt more loved by someone in her entire life. “Me too” she hums, pushing herself on tiptoes and planting a warm kiss on his full lips.

“But as we promised, despite our busy schedules we will make a habit of coming home before 5 pm and making dinner” she reminds him, pulling away. He gives her his famous dimply smile and leans forward to plant another kiss on her lips.

“Do you think I can take her to the museum?” he insists, and Y/n laughs and shakes her head.

“Absolutely not, last time I let you take her Jin almost kidnapped that poor child” Y/n answers, giving him a disapproving glance. They both join in loud laughter that echoes inside the room. “In his defense, she is very cute,” Namjoon says with a fond look. 

Once the laughter subsides, they stand in silence. Namjoon stares into Y/n’s admiring his wife. To this day he tokens himself as the luckiest man alive for being able to call her his, he loses himself in her eyes.

“You know I love you right?” he hums, brushing her hair back and giving her a small peck on her forehead.

Y/n giggles and moves away from Namjoon's embrace, setting her empty wine glass inside the sink.

She leans onto it for a moment, pressing her lips together. She ponders on the question she has wanted to ask for some time now but has been hesitant to. She looks over at her husband and observes as he types away calmly on his phone. “babe” she calls for him, he hums in response, but his attention remains on the screen.  

“When will Jimin be back?” she asks, her voice a mere whisper almost as if she doesn’t want him to hear her ask.

He removes his eyes from the screen in front of him and looks over at his wife, a sigh leaves his lips. “Uhm, I'm not too sure really” he answers “He’s been touring all of Europe, he’s in Spain now actually” he notes which makes Y/n nod slowly. She diverts her eyes back to the sink where she has sat her wine glass, and she proceeds to pick it back up.

“More wine?” Namjoon asks, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

Y/n offers him a cheeky smile and goes to grab the half-empty bottle of cabernet.

“Just a bit more” she giggles.

She pours herself another glass and hums when the burgundy liquid touches her lips.

“Alright, I'll head to bed now” Namjoon whispers, laying one more kiss on her wife's lips and disappearing through the door.

It is only when she hears their bedroom closing that she allows herself to unravel in tears. She grips onto the counter, attempting to not collapse on her knees.

It has been like this for months, even before she had Harumi and married Namjoon. She feels like she's walking on needles every day. The burden of the secret that she carries weighs her down, making it impossible for her to enjoy the life she has created for herself. She has wanted to come clean, has wanted to be brave enough to tell someone, anyone about what has been happening to her but she's unable. She isn’t capable of breaking Namjoon's heart.

She’s unwilling to take away from him that he has yearned for all this time.

So, she pretends. She contains all these feelings in her chest, and she carries on with her days as a happy wife and mother all while she collapses inside. She is a good person, an honest person. but somehow, she has found herself in this crippling situation. Withholding the truth from a man who deserves the world, crying herself numb when he leaves the room.

                                                          

“I'll meet you at the entrance” Namjoon spoke excitedly, almost running through the halls of the museum. “Joon, please relax” Y/n giggles through the phone. “I want to help you with the stroller” he huffs, nearing the lobby of the National Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art. Being the persuasive man he was, Namjoon had been able to secure a daycare ward in the museum, making it possible for all employees to bring their children to work during their shifts.

“I don’t even want to know how you were able to get this done” Y/n speaks whilst Namjoon jogs towards his wife and daughter. He gives her a wide smile and raises his brows. “it's best you don’t know” he replies, reaching for Harumi and pulling her out of the stroller. He carries her in his arms and gives her a soft kiss on her plump cheeks.

“I’ve missed you, Haru” he sings into her little ears.

He looks back at Y/n who struggles with closing the stroller in her hands.

“All alright, come on let's switch” he chuckles, handing Harumi over to Y/n and beginning to close the stroller. “6 months and I still don’t know how that works” Y/n hisses. Namjoon laughs, looking back at his family. “it’s really simple, Yn” Namjoon advises. “Simple for you” Y/n retorts.

They join hands and begin to walk into the halls of the museum. “I have a meeting soon with one of the investors, but I should be done by 3 pm and then we can have lunch together” he informs Y/n. “Joon, I'm not sure I’ll be done by 3 pm, it's my first time walking into the office again” Y/n replies. Namjoon frowns and gives her a quick saddened glance.

“Fine, then I'll have lunch with Harumi” he then smiles, making a silly face at his daughter which causes her to gift him a gummy smile.

“I don’t know what I will do with you two” Y/n laughs.

“What else but love us” Namjoon responds, laying a quick peck on Y/n’s cheek.

“Hey Namjoon Hyung!” a voice calls, Namjoon looks up and his eyes widen.

“No way!” he almost yells. “Brooo you’re back!” he leaves Y/n’s side and jogs up to the man, embracing him in a tight hug.

“How was Spain?” he asks.

Jimin chuckles and nods his head “It was beautiful, I couldn’t get enough” he replies. “I can tell you have been gone for a year, we’ve missed you around here” Namjoon confesses, slapping his friend's shoulder softly.

Whilst engulfed in his conversation, Namjoon doesn’t notice the way Y/n tenses or the way that she tries to direct her eyes elsewhere but at the 2 men catching up in the hallway. She holds onto Harumi tightly, holding her breath. Her daughter coos up at her but she can't focus. instead, her eyes try to find the closest exit.

“Hey Y/n, guess whose back!” Namjoon cheers and she curses under her breath. She turns and her eyes grow panicked as the two men approach her. She wears her best fake smile and attempts to act natural. “I see, welcome back Jimin,” she says halfheartedly.

“Hey Y/n, nice to see you again” he answers. She shuts her eyes for a moment, begging for someone to stop the dumpster fire that’s about to occur. Y/n’s breath becomes labored the closer he gets; his voice sounds soft in contrast with the way Y/n’s heart beats Uncontrollably against her chest. She musters a small smile, blinking uncomfortably.

Jimin smirks, a taunting stare taking over his eyes as he takes her in for the first time in a year. Her skin appears to glisten under the dim lights around them, her cheeks becoming flushed at his sudden appearance. He looks her up and down, noticing the small changes she has gone through since the day he last saw her. This only makes Y/n grow uneasy as she notices the way he is unable to remove his eyes from her.

“Is this?” his eyes widen, noticing the child she holds in her arms. “Yeah bro, Harumi” Namjoon interjects, causing Y/n to jolt in place. “Wow, she’s huge” he rejoices, reaching forward to touch her small hand. “What is she? 6 months now?” he asks, his eyes looking into Y/n’s for confirmation.

She doesn’t say a word as their eyes collide, his stare provoking her to remain completely still. he gives her a smug smile and then looks back at Harumi. “Yes, can you believe it!” Namjoon says proudly from behind him. Jimin nods knowingly and glances back at Namjoon. “she’s gorgeous” he grins, sharing another look with Y/n. “I’m sure she gets it from her mother” he speaks, dragging his words.

“Oh, come on, give me some credit” Namjoon protests. “I'm sure I gave her some of my good genes.”

“Did you now?” Jimin taunts, his eyes remaining locked with Y/n’s.

“w-well, I have to go” Y/n interrupts, taking a step away from Jimin. He lets go of Harumi's hand and stands up straight, another smirk appearing on his lips. He notes the way Y/n nervously adjusts the strap of the baby bag around her shoulder and turns in the other direction.

“See you around!” He calls after her, lifting his hand and waving.

He remains there, even after Namjoon calls out his name. his eyes stay on the spot where Y/n stood only seconds ago holding her child. His smirk falls and he takes a deep breath before turning to face Namjoon again.

“Ready for the meeting?” Namjoon asks, pointing towards the other direction of the hall.

“Ready as I’ll ever be” Jimin responds, moving towards Namjoon.

“fuck” Y/n mutters as she steps into her office, she throws her purse onto one of the empty seats in front of her desk and runs her hands through her hair. “fuck” she repeats as she unbuttons her blouse and falls back onto her chair. She feels like the room is spinning and the suffocating feeling she has grown so accustomed to, returns. This was not the way she had pictured her first day back at all.

She is unraveling and she knows it. she buries her face into her hands and warm tears begin to pour down her cheeks. She doesn’t know what she has done to find herself in this predicament, but she isn’t brave enough to get herself out of it either. She looks back at a picture framed on her wall. It is a shared photograph between Namjoon, Jimin, and herself. They both look down at her with big smiles as she stares into the camera with a smile of her own.

Her eyes narrow as she slips her hand down to her mouth, covering the sobs that escape it.

| a year and 2 months ago |

“If you aren’t quiet, they will hear us” Jimin pants into Y/n’s ear.

But She's deaf to all reason, overcome with her own pleasure as she moves her clothed pussy against his thigh. Her dress has risen above her ass, soft moans pouring like symphonies past her lips. Her cunt pulsates as she continues grinding herself against him, Jimin’s hands travel to the top of her dress which he rips open causing her to hiss.

He skillfully undoes her bra, his eyes admiring her now-exposed breasts in complete awe. He licks up her chest onto her neck as she throws her head back in pleasure. “God, you are gorgeous” he compliments, bringing one of her nipples into his mouth. He laps his tongue over her sensitive nub while his other hand softly rubs against the other.

“Jimin” she pants, the sensation she is feeling is overwhelming, but she has no plans on stopping, the feeling of his hands and tongue alone giving her a high she never wanted to come down from. She feels Jimin’s hand wander down her body, stopping at her hips where he guides her movements.

“You like that baby?” he moaned breathlessly.

She can’t respond, small whimpers erupting from her mouth whilst she remains in complete euphoria. “You like the way it feels when you rub your hot wet cunt against my thigh, baby?” he purrs, earning another loud moan from Y/n. he smirks, his eyes focusing on her hooded eyes and plump lips. “You want more?” he hums, moving her hips a bit faster against him.

Jimin’s cock pulsates painfully against his pants, begging to be released. He moves forward, trying to find quick relief from the agony of the restraint. He wants to turn her out, to have her screaming his name repeatedly. it is all that he has ever wanted and having her here, dampening his pants as she fucks herself on his leg feels like a complete dream, he just wants to savor this exact moment. He wants to engrave this so deep into his memory that he is never capable of forgetting it.

Y/n slides her hand down to the front of his pants, getting hold of his hardened cock. She glides her hand smoothly, feeling his throbbing head through the fabric. Jimin moans loudly, gripping her waist tighter.

“shhhh” she mutters into his ear, planting a wet kiss below it.

He can feel her quicken her movements, seeking out her release. He captures her mouth into his, his tongue intruding past her lips and dancing against her tongue. His hand moves down to her ass, gripping her skin there.

“Nice and slow baby, I want to see you cum all over my lap” he breathes, pulling away from their kiss. Her scent brings out a certain animalistic surge from him as he watches her eagerness to satisfy herself. “Look at you leave all your juices on my pants, you naughty girl” he chuckles lowly.

“Jimin” she responds, her voice a mere whisper. She’s unable to concentrate as his words bring her closer to her orgasm, her hand moving up and down against his hardened member. His pants are drenched in her arousal, but Jimin adores it, he can't get enough of watching her and he can swear that this is his purpose, that he was brought onto this earth for this exact moment.

“You want to ride me, baby?” He hums, his hand holding onto her face which he brings closer to his, his other hand pushes back loose strands of her hair that have stuck themselves to the sweat forming on her forehead. She nods, eagerly. “Look at me” he commands. She breathes out, her mouth agape. She struggles to keep her eyes open as they look into Jimin’s in complete pleasure.

“Yeah, you want to ride me?” he asks again.

“I wanna ride you, Jimin” Y/n answers, whimpering as he lifts the leg which she straddles.

“How bad do you want it?” he purrs, his thumb pressing against her lips.

She takes his digit into her mouth and sucks, which causes Jimin to whimper painfully.

“Real bad” she moans out.

“Fuck, you look beautiful like this” he notes, his eyes narrowing on her. “I want to fuck you” he groans.

“Fuck me, Jimin” she begs and he almost cums from those words alone. Her voice is soft and raspy and it's enough to disconnect Jimin from all rationality. she’s unable to catch her breath, her hips buckling down on his thigh as his hands come down to grip her ass harshly.

“Fuck, I’ve wanted to see you like this for so long” he confesses, his eyes devouring her state. The way her breasts bounce with every one of her movements, her flushed cheeks, and clammy skin which glistens under the lamp above them.

“How long?” she asks, mustering a smirk on her lips.

“Since the day I met you,” he groans, going back to guide her hips against his lap.

“Steady baby, I'm not in a rush” he hums which brings her to slow down her movements. She feels her panties sticking to her soaking cunt, her hips rotating leisurely. He wanders his hand behind her head and takes a fist full of her hair, pulling back with little force.

He kisses down her throat and continues down to her breasts, he licks along them. giving each of her nipples his undivided attention.

“I'm Cumming, Jimin” she blurts, urgency in her voice.

“Are you?” he asks, teasing her.

“Y-yes” she whines.

“Hold it, baby, I want you to cum on my cock instead” he instructs her whilst pulling her off his thigh. She hisses at the absence of pressure between her legs but allows him to lead her. He remains in his seat, her wet-clothed pussy in front of his face now. She looks down at him, her mouth agape in anticipation of what he will do next.

He can feel his dick quivering as he takes in how engorged she had become. “Look at you baby, you’re drenched” Jimin announces. He runs his fingers against her clit, causing her to jolt towards his touch. He takes the digits away and puts them in his mouth, where he licks her arousal away.

He unbuckles his pants and pulls them down to his knees, Y/n drools at the sight of the imprint of his dick against his underwear. His cock appears painfully constricted and the tip oozes pre-cum which leaves a wet spot against the fabric.

“Come on, baby” he reaches for her waist, bringing her closer. “Be a good girl and come sit on my lap.”

Y/n does as told, lying face down over his lap, her ass in the air.

His hands rub softly against her ass cheeks, the motion causing her legs to squish together, giving friction to her pulsating cunt. She moans loudly, her hands holding onto his leg. Jimin dips his fingers in between her folds, moving them against her cunt. She can feel the blood flowing to her head. The combination of that and his touch, causing her to grow dizzy.

“Do you hear how wet you are for me?” he groans, the sound of her juices lathering his fingers echoing inside the small room. He inserts his pointer and index finger inside her and moans at how warm it feels.

He holds a quick pace, moving his fingers in and out and her pussy begins to cream over his fingers. Y/n yelps, unable to contain the burning feeling in the pit of her stomach. He can feel her wetness dripping onto his bare leg now, the scene in front of him enough for him to nut in that very moment but he holds himself together. He’s more than determined to cum into her pretty pussy and that’s exactly what he will do.

“Oh Jimin” she purrs, closing her eyes in pleasure.

“Wish it was my cock, right?” he asks, his free hand coming down hard against her left ass cheek, leaving a red imprint on the skin there.

“All you have to do is ask,” he says, his fingers moving at a slower pace now.

“Please Jimin” Y/n cries out.

“Please what beautiful?” he teases, licking his lips in admiration.

“Please fuck me Jimin” she begs.

“That sounds delicious coming from your mouth” Jimin coos, his dick continues to twitch against his underwear, and he can't hold out anymore. He wants to fuck her senseless, have her screaming his name at the top of her lungs.

“Come here” he mumbles, removing his fingers from her dripping cunt and guiding her off his lap. He notices how her legs shake while she refrains herself from Cumming. She's such a good girl for him and he wants to reward her.

He removes his boxers and his cock springs out, resting rock solid against his lower abdomen. She straddles him, bringing the head of his cock between her folds, her juices wetting the tip of his dick. He throws his head back in complete rapture. “Oh fuck, fuckk” he groans out. He can feel the heat emitting from her cunt and her arousal leaking down the rest of his shaft.

She moves her hips skillfully, rubbing herself against him. his hands fall onto her waist and his lips search for hers, moaning into her mouth as he slips inside of her smoothly. Her warm and sleek walls push him over the edge as he begins to pound up into her whilst she grinds down onto him.

“Just like that baby” he moans loudly “Just like that, don’t stop” Jimin voices, cheering her on. “Fuck It feels so good” he continues. He closes his eyes shut and hisses fall from his lips. Y/n feels so good, so tight and warm against his palpitating cock. He had been right all along, from the moment he laid eyes on her, he knew she would rock his world and oh, how good was she doing it.

Her tight walls gripped his cock masterfully, his mouth falling open and his brows pushing together as he becomes immersed in complete lust. He never wanted to leave, never wanted to pull out. Soon the sound of their skin slapping together filled the room along with their whimpers and moans that created a melody he never wanted to stop hearing.

He buried his face into her chest, unable to withhold himself from fucking into her hard and fast. Their sweat-clad bodies moving in unison, Y/n embraces him as he rests his hands on her back.

“You feel so good, Jimin” Y/n yelps, his thick cock pushing against her walls. Jimin bites down on his lip, pounding into her uncontrollably. “Fuck uh,” he groans, losing himself in the sensation. He doesn’t care how loud they are or who is listening from the other side of the door. All he cares about is how good her hair smells and about the way she grips his shoulders as she fucks herself on his dick. The sound of her soft moans and the feel of her clammy skin against his becoming his favorite things.

He continues to drill into her, her small whimpers turning into full-blown screams, and he smiles in satisfaction, knowing that he’s the one causing them. Y/n’s legs ache at the tempo, almost collapsing against him. She buries her nails into the skin of his shoulders.

“Jimin, oh Jimin I can’t” she calls out like a prayer.

“Take It, baby, don’t stop now, take all this dick” Jimin growls. his hands gripping onto her waist tightly, Keeping her still as he moves his cock up into her dripping core. He can feel the familiar tingling in the pit of his stomach and he knows he's going to cum soon but that only makes him pick up his pace. He looks up at Y/n, her eyes shut as she throws her head back.

“Jimin, shit I can’t” she yelps, moments later he feels her walls contract around him, and her body spasms as she becomes undone on his dick. Her vision blurs and there's a faint ringing in her ears, her mouth falling open as her orgasm blocks all her senses.

“so fucking sexy” he moans out, admiring how vulnerable she looks under the dimmed light.

 His movements begin to falter, unable to hold back anymore. Her walls are still tight around him, urging him to cum into her throbbing cunt. His breath becomes uneven, and he digs his fingers into the skin of her thighs around him trying to keep some of his control but it's too late, he thrusts into her one last time before hot strings of cum shoot into her. Y/n moans at the feeling of his milk filling her up and her legs tremble as both their orgasms leak down her inner thighs.

There's silence as they both struggle to catch their breaths; she looks down at him and it is only then that realization hits her. Her lips tremble and she begins to move away, trying to cover herself with what remains of her torn dress.

Jimin sits up quickly, watching her closely.

“Hey Y/n” he calls out to her softly.

She turns away from him, warm tears pouring down her cheeks.

“What have we done, Jimin” she cries.

Y/n would be lying if she said it was the last time that it happened, that she didn’t become a skilled liar in order to receive the pleasure only Jimin was able to bring to her. She would kiss her boyfriend goodbye under the pretense of work meetings, girl night outs, and a busy schedule all whilst sneaking away to any dark corner available with his best friend. It was wrong and she knew it but that didn’t matter, the only thing that mattered was the way Jimin made her shudder under his touch. He knew her body like it was the back of his hand, and she was addicted.

 Now she was condemned to carry this guilt everywhere. The better Namjoon treated her, the heavier it became. She wasn’t capable of ruining what she had built, even if the foundation was shaky. She had a home and a family, and she was happy.

But Jimin’s return threatened it all, threatened everything she had, and she wasn’t too proud to admit that it scared her.

Perhaps, the pleasure she sought was never worth the pain it would cause.

There’s a light knock on her door which causes Y/n to quickly wipe her tears away, she runs her hands through her hair, and buttons up the blouse she wears. “Come in” she instructs, attempting to gather herself before the door opens.

But once it does and she sees who is stepping through it, Y/n regrets the words that have just left her lips. Her heart drops to her gut and she stares wide-eyed as Jimin closes the door behind him.

“Hey,” he says calmly.

Y/n shuts her eyes, throwing her head back in frustration.

“Listen, Jimin I don’t have time right now” she utters, rubbing her temples in an attempt to ease the pounding headache she now has. He blinks, narrowing his eyes as he takes in her disarranged appearance.

“Are you okay?” he asks, quickly moving towards her desk.

She removes her hands against her temple and holds them up in the air.

“don’t, I'm fine” she mumbles.

“you don’t look fine to me” he states. Y/n lifts her head and looks over at him, her gaze holding a certain enmity. “why did you even come here?” her lips tremble as she asks, her eyes filling with tears that she blinks away, aiming to appear okay. “I wanted to come see you, to check up on you” he answers, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“no” she replies, closing her eyes for a moment and then opening them just as fast. “why did you come back here, why didn’t you stay in Europe” she clarifies. He lowers his gaze and steps away from her desk. “I had to return Y/n, my entire life is here” he answers.

She admits it's true, she knows that his return was inevitable but to say she was prepared for it would be a joke. She thought she would have more time to get her affairs in order or to at least grow some balls and own up to the things she had done.

Namjoon loved her and of that she was sure, but he didn’t know her, not all of her at least.

“I didn’t come here to cause you any trouble, Y/n” Jimin assures her, holding her gaze. He feels his heart ache whilst noticing the way she has become undone in the time he has been gone. If perhaps he hadn’t run like a coward, leaving her to carry their secrets all on her own, she would be less subdued.

But hearing her say she wasn’t able to continue with their affair a year ago had proven to be too much for him to bear because even if he couldn’t tell her he loved her, at least he was giving her a bit of himself in those sheets. Being told he could no longer have access to her, that he couldn’t hold her like he only ever yearned to, well it had hurt him beyond comprehension.

“I can’t do this anymore, Jimin” she sobbed, covering her face in shame. “But I can’t bring myself to tell him the truth either.”

He wanted to reach over and console her, but he doubted that it was something she wanted. she had made that very clear the day before he had booked the first ticket out of South Korea.

“Jimin, we need to stop, I can’t see you anymore” she sobbed. “What we are doing, it's fucked up.”

The memory of that conversation replayed in Jimin’s mind as he stood in silence. It tormented him in the night when he tried to sleep. Pain and guilt tearing him to pieces. He didn’t know what was more fucked up, the fact that he betrayed the man that was like a brother to him or the fact that he never felt bad for it. in his mind, she was worth that and much more. for her, he was willing to betray even himself.

“Which truths are you hesitant to tell?” he asks.

Y/n uncovers her face, her glassy red eyes staring back at him with confusion.

“What do you mean?” she sniffs, rapidly cleaning her tears with the sleeve of her blouse.

“Well, which truth can’t you tell him” He repeats.

“That you and his best friend went behind his back and had sex for an entire 3 months or that Harumi is my daughter?” He leans his head to the side, tears streaming down his cheeks now.

“Because both truths are going to destroy his life” he states, a sob escaping his lips.

Y/n is at a loss for words, her throat becoming dry. She can only stare at him whilst growing mortified. Indeed, she had become a professional at harboring secrets. Once she had begun lying to Namjoon, the lies quickly began piling up, leading her to a point of no return.

“H-how did you know?” she musters to say, her eyes widened in panic. He looks away, his eyes falling on the framed picture of Y/n and Namjoon on their wedding day. “She has my eyes” he whispers.

Y/n follows his eyes, her chest tightens at the image on the wall and more sobs escape her. she’s unable to contain herself and she knows she’s fucked up. She never meant for this to happen. She was happy with Namjoon until one day she just wasn’t and Jimin was there, to help her with all her grievances.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, he’s in agony and Y/n can see that. She remains motionless as the truth begins to unravel in front of her eyes. She feels relief and immense pain all at the same time, so she stays silent, conflicted with her emotions.

“I’ve missed so much” he states. He reaches over to her desk and picks up a picture of Harumi. He admires his child, tracing his fingers over her gummy smile. The woman who sits in front of him has taken something from him, has hidden the most precious thing away. Yet, he can’t bring himself to hate her. instead, he understands. From within his anger and resentment, he digs out his compassion.

“He’s a good dad, Jimin” she cries out. He lifts his stare towards her, sorrow flashing through his eyes.

“I could’ve been a good father too, Y/n” he affirms.

“I know Jimin, I'm sorry” she weeps, she stands up from her chair and approaches him but Jimin backs away, holding the picture of his daughter to his chest. “Please Jimin, I just couldn’t just throw away everything that I had” Y/n attempted to justify.

“you left and I-“she began. “No!” Jimin shouts “No you pushed me away!” he shakes his head, frustration seeping through his mind.

“What we were doing was wrong and I had to put an end to it” she yells back. “Please, try to understand” Y/n tries to catch her breath as the sobs that rip through her leave her shaking in anguish.

“How wrong could it have been when this came out of it?” he asks, holding up the picture of Harumi. Y/n stares at it, her lips pressing together. He leans in closer to her, his hand lifting her chin so that her eyes could meet his.

“How could it have been wrong when we loved each other?” he asks, pressing his forehead against hers.

“Jimin, he's your best friend” she whimpers, closing her eyes in an attempt to ignore the pain that she sees in his eyes which only causes her further torment.

“Either you tell him, or I will, but I'm not missing out on my daughter’s life on account of your happiness” he whispers, he leans back and leaves the room, taking the picture of his daughter with him.

Y/n collapses onto the floor, becoming a heaving mess. “I'm a good person” she bawls onto the floor as she holds onto her aching chest “I'm a good person” she repeats to herself.

Yn drags her feet across her front door, shutting the door quietly as she enters. She drops her work bag on the floor and slips her heels off. She’s met with the sweet aroma of baby lotion and baby wipes, and for the first time since the day began, she smiles. She glances over to her living room, taking in the TV that plays Harumi’s favorite show and her teething toys that are sprawled around the couches. She lingers on the pictures that hang on the wall; she can’t help but admire her happy family as tears begin to sting her eyes.

She takes a moment to look around, to try to engrave this sight into her mind because soon she will be destroying all of it. her heart pulls while she watches Namjoon appear from the hallway, holding her daughter in his arms. “Long day, my love?” he asks, approaching her with a full smile. She hums unable to form any words at all.

The knot that forms in her throat is painful and as she swallows, she realizes it doesn’t budge.

“Uff, yeah very long day” Namjoon jokes taking in her glassy eyes and messy hair. He embraces her with one arm, holding Harumi with the other. “Have you been drinking?” he chuckles. She nods absent-mindedly looking up at the man of her dreams. “Yes, the girls wanted to go out and celebrate my return” she lies again. Namjoon smiles “Good, it’s been a while since you went out with your colleagues for a few drinks,” he says, kissing the top of her head.

Her chest aches at his words, bringing back the memories of the lies she had spoken to him in the past. she is reminded that she could live a thousand lives and she would still never deserve a man like Namjoon.

“You think you can put Harumi down for a bit? We need to talk” she sighs, unable to withhold much longer. He furrows his brows in concern, noticing how Y/n shifts in place.

“y-yeah sure, babe” he walks towards the living room and sits Harumi in her booster seat, passing her one of her toys. He groans as he stands up and approaches his wife.

“Can you give me a massage after this?” he requests, rubbing his back.

Y/n looks up at her husband and nods slowly, sure that after the conversation they will have he will want her to be as far away from him as possible. They walk together into the kitchen and Namjoon notices the uneasiness that pours from Y/n’s aura. He frowns, worried that something bad has happened.

“Okay my love, what’s going on I'm getting a bit worried here” he warns, following behind her as she stops in front of their dining room. She turns to face him, and tears are already pouring down her cheeks. Namjoon panics, taken aback by the sight before him.

“Hey, hey what’s wrong?” He scans her face and reaches forward to try to hold her, but Y/n holds up her hand which stops his movement.

“Please, just let me speak” She shakes in place, her mind wanders endlessly on how to approach the truth, she tries to find a way in which she can break his heart painlessly, but she knows it's impossible. Once she delivers him the truth, she knows everything will be over, but reflecting on the ultimatum Jimin offered her a few days ago, she can't let him find out through anyone else.

“I uhm I’ve been lying to you” she mutters which only gains her a puzzled look from her husband. He takes a step towards her, wanting to stop her tears. Namjoon has never liked to see her cry and seeing her like this only brings him discomfort.

“What are you talking about, Y/n” he tries to reach for her once again but Y/n steps back, shaking her head. “Please, Namjoon” she implores, trying to distance herself from the man she knows loves her.

“Please let me just explain” she continues, he nods but his heart aches. He wants to bring her into his chest and whisper words he knows will soothe her. He has never seen her like this before, she has always been happy by his side and in this moment all he wants to do is protect her.

“About a year and a half ago while you were away in France, Jimin and I met up in my old apartment” Y/n swallows as she looks at her husband, Namjoon nods still holding a puzzled expression. “Initially it was just to hang out because we both missed you and we thought that since we were both alone then it would be okay for us to keep each other company.”

“Okay babe, there's nothing wrong with that,” Namjoon says, a smile appearing on his lips. “you guys can be friends too, I trust you” he continues, taking a step closer towards Y/n. She shakes her head and looks down; she can feel Namjoon’s arms wrap around her.

“Why are you crying, Y/n?” he asks, reaching for her face which he brings up to look at. His brows are furrowed, and he doesn’t understand why she's making such a huge deal out of something so small. He knows his wife and he knows her heart.

“Jimin and I slept together” she trembles, pushing back on his chest.

Namjoon leans his head to the side in confusion, he blinks looking down at her, but his arms stay around her, unable to move from where he stands.

“And not just that night, we slept together for 3 whole months” she continues to confess.

“Y/n,” he says, his voice beginning to grow shaky.

“And Harumi” she begins but cuts herself off as the knot in her throat begins to choke her. She feels the room spin around her and she is trying to hold herself together but she's shaking, and her heart is pounding painfully in her chest.

“And Harumi isn’t my daughter” he finishes her sentence, looking down at her with such compassion that she feels like throwing up. She stares up at him wide-eyed, unable to register the words that he has just spoken. “I know” he whispers, nodding his head. “I've always known” he finishes, he reaches for her cheeks, wiping the tears that slip down them and he presses a kiss on her forehead.

Y/n is shocked, blinking quickly as she comes to terms with what he means, she leans back staring at him in complete disbelief. “w-what?” she asks, he holds no reaction or hatred in his eyes as he looks at her and that only makes her guilt grow. “What do you mean?” She studies him, unable to understand why he isn’t shouting or berating her.

“From the moment I saw her I knew she wasn’t mine, Y/n,” he says, his tone calm and he stares at her in complete adoration. “But I love you and I love Harumi and I wanted this to work,” Namjoon says.

“Why would you do something like that, Joon” she hisses. She shoves him away and steps back, distaste in her expression.

“I don’t care that she's not mine, I've raised her” he answers, attempting to hold onto Y/n again but she pushes his hands away as tears continue to flow past her cheeks. “I’ve been holding this secret for so long Namjoon” she sobs “And you’ve known this entire time?” she asks, fury burning through her at the revelation.

“Since when do you know? Since when!” she shouts. Namjoon flinches and his eyes fill up with tears. If she has been harboring this secret, then he has been harboring some of his own. The moment he laid eyes on the child he knew that she didn’t belong to him but he had to make this work, he wasn’t going to lose the love of his life, he’d rather die than let that happen.

“I didn’t know Jimin was the father” he tries to step to her but Y/n moves, the expression on her face only breaking his heart further. “But I was sure I wasn’t” he contemplates, recalling the day he first held Harumi in his arms.

“let's just forget about all of this please” he begs, and he begins to cry. He is desperate and he just wants this conversation to end, He is reluctant to admit that their relationship might be coming to an end, he can't imagine a life where Y/n isn’t by his side and that breaks his heart more than any truth she has concealed from him.

“No, I'm tired of not facing reality” she responds “Of hiding so many things, Jimin and I are to be held accountable” she continues to shout. “Why? Because you think that will help you feel less guilty for what you’ve done?” he asks.

Y/n goes silent, she now notices the tears that spill down his face. She looks away, unable to hold his gaze because he’s right, the fact that he knew all this time was not the problem. She needed him to be angry so that in some way she could feel better about all of this.

“I forgave you a long time ago, Y/n” he whispers.

“I don’t want you to forgive me Namjoon,” she says “I want you to be angry, to be resentful” because only then could she stop feeling so fucked up, only then can she free herself of the fact that she fucked over a good person. A person who even now can keep empathy in his heart, one that she never had whilst she slept with his best friend.

Namjoon was being merciful, and she couldn’t bring herself to understand why.

“I can’t be angry at you Y/n, not when I love you and if forgiving you means that I get to keep my family then that’s exactly what I will do” Namjoon fights back but he doesn’t realize that there’s nothing left for him to grasp.

“I'm in love with Jimin,” she says, and it is only then that his composure falters. He sighs and looks away.

“No, you don’t” he declares, his eyes hold anger, but he is unable to direct them at her.

“don’t say that” he continues, he feels his heart shatter and the truth finally consumes him. He can’t admit to himself that the woman who stands destroyed in front of him will never be his. That even whilst she lay on his bed every night, her heart belonged to someone else.

“Joon, I'm sorry” Y/n voices, he glances back at her, and Y/n lets out a sob. She’s aware of the way she has broken down the man whose only intention was to love her, and she feels herself crumble under the culpability of the mess she has made.

“I know” he mutters.

-

should i turn this into 2 parts? please let me know

i might just leave it like that

hope you guys enjoyedd!

© 𝐂𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞, 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝.

[angelnix]

just try ; newt

pairing: newt x reader w/c: 450+ | content: angst, very slight mentions of death note: more newt !! might create a part 2 of this ! (i am very obsessed w this man omg) hope y'all like it !!

since the beginning of your life at the glade, both you & newt were always around each other, whether chatting after a long day or during the bonfire nights, you always knew that you two were never just going to be friends. the stolen glances, the banter, - everything -, you knew; you always knew.

but the thought of confessing? that could never happen, you told yourself. whenever you thought about it, confessing or starting a relationship with him, the harsh reality comes back to you. with romance being discouraged as it would harm the glade work ethic, that was your first dilemma. but besides that, newt was a runner. he could die any minute, at any point of the day, and you knew it'd make your heart ache, it'd hurt.

and it hurt even more when he was the one to confess first.

he took you to the edge of the deadheads, weather, time, ambience, everything was right; but you knew you couldn't give in. though you desperately wanted to reciprocate his feelings, you knew that the relationship would hurt more than never being in one.

"newt, 'm so sorry." you say, seeing the hurt immediately etched on his face as he was rejected. "dont be.", he sighs. "m'sorry, newt. i just can't get into a thing here. y'know how it is, you know the rules," you pleaded, trying your best not to hurt him.

"fuck those rules. i love you."

hearing those words escape his lips, especially when it came from a place with absolute no hesitation, you could only cry. a tinge of hurt mixed with longing in your expression and mind.

"we can't do this," you utter, barely able to get a word out, "alby'll get pissed.."

you see him, struck with confusion, "since when d'ya care about rules?", he asked.

"i don't, but that isn't the point. the point is we can't happen, ever."

he inches closer to where your standing and cups your face, wiping the tears streaming down your cheeks. the warmth of his hands break your heart even more as your sobs grew louder and harsher - disgruntled, even.

"c'mon now, (y/n). why can't we happen?", he asks, before gesturing you to sit on the fallen log behind you.

as you sit, he joins you. the boy shifts to your direction, surveying your expression. "it's fine if 'ya don't have any feeling for me, i just needed to get it off my chest."

"we can't be together, not just 'cause of alby and the rules, but because of this god damned maze. you're a runner, newt. you could go out there and never come back. so i'd rather not get attached to you now than love you then - just for you to die."

he places a hand on your back, lightly caressing you in a gentle manner, "i could die at any time, so why don't we just try it out? see where it goes."

"(y/n), everything i go through, i want it to be with you. whether life or death i know i want you, - i'll always want you. that's how i've felt ever since."

you sniffle, wiping away the last of your tears. you tousle your hair, fixing it as an attempt gather yourself. sitting up straight, you turn to newt.

"i guess we could."

[damianwayne0]

Minecraft || (6)

(part 6) part 1| part 2| part 3| part 4| part 5

Tim : *sighs* why?

Jason: why what?

Tim: *sighs* nothing*sips coffee*

Dick : where did you get that coffee from!?

Tim , deeply stares into dicks eyes: You. Don't. Wanna. Know.

Dick: oki-e.

Damian : stop!!!!

Before they all could stop they all fall into the rivine :

Dick: Thank God there was water!!

Jason: ugh, I hit my head a little.

Tim : You sure not your ego?

Jason: 🖕

Damian: YOU ! stupid drake! Why did you pull me in !!!!

Tim: 🤷

Damian: imbecile- *gets hit* what the-

Jason : Run!. there is a lot of monsters!!

Dick , who already started running before they could even process:.Yeah what are you guys doing waiting there!!??

Damian, running: How is there so many zombies!?

Jason, running: IDK JUST RUN!!!

Tim , running: RUN WHERE !? YHE RIVINE IS ABOUT TO END!!

Dick, running: GUYS START BUILDING UP!

Tim, running and panting: OH SHIT OH SHIT MY HEALTH IS AT 3

After they reach up:

Jason , panting: was that a trap?

Damian, panting: y-es beloved made it with pressure plates. I just remembered that and before I could say anything you guys already stepped on it .

Dick, looking down at the rivine: Damn, I gotta give it to her .

Tim, agreeing: Yeah that almost killed me .

Jason : Well look it's going to be dark again. We need to get their fast.

Dick: And I don't think we have anymore resources to fight off the zombies.

Damian: why did u guys make your houses so far away?

Tim: Idk someone wanted to have a little adventure*side eying dick*

Dick : Heyy come on , wasn't my fault entirely*side eyeing Jason*

Jason : Seriously!?

After a while:

Jason, panting : no , I can't-

Dick , laying on the ground : yeah , me too

Damian, annoyed: seriously?.. Why did I even fucking come here with y'all !?

Tim: I don't know! We never asked you to come!

Dick : Umm Timmy I did.

Tim, rolling his eyes: Of course you did.

Jason, panting: I really can't walk anymore .

Jason: let's just go .

After two Minecraft day :

Tim : Finally.

Jason: gosh

Dick : I think I pooped a lil

Damian : ew seriously? You stopped five times for your bathroom break but still?

Jason, rolling his eyes: ew and yeah let's go.

Y/n : Hi guys, did you see Tim ? I logged off in his house. Oh Hi tim

Tim: Hi Y/n

Damian: beloved, I am here.

Y/n : who spoke?

Damian: :(

Dick : Hiii Y/n

Jason, looking around: Hello y/n

Y/n: oh hi guys . Y'all are here?

Jason: something came up

Y/n : oh I see .

Damian: beloved why do u have so many chests?

Y/n : oh these-

Tim , interrupting: Did u have them!???

Y/n : first of all rude , second I have what?

Damian, rolling his eyes : Drake lost his stacks of cobble stone.

Tim : I didn't lose them ! They got stolen!

Damian: Yeah Yeah keep telling yourself that.

Tim :YOU DEMON BRAT!

Damian: YOU IMBECILE! YOU WANNA FIGHT!?

Tim: NO WONDER YOUR MOTHER LEFT YOU!

Damian: AT LEAST I HAVE A MOTHER !

Y/n : STOP!!!

Y/n : *Sighs* Guys please stop , don't fight-

Jason: Oi Y/n why do you have this many cobble slabs? * Looking into one of the many chests*

Y/n : oh theseee. * Looking at Tim* You should really reduce your caffeine.

Tim, pouting: Not you too.

Dick : Bro you literally tried to kill me for some stacks of cobble stones.

Tim: Those are some stacks of cobble stones! Those are six stacks of my hard work!

Y/n , facepalming : No, like you should really reduce your caffeine.Because it somehow, made you forgot that you gave those six stacks of cobble stones I mean hard work to me to make slabs.

Suddenly there is a pin drop silence. But the moment you blink, you see your boyfriend and his two older brothers chasing Tim.

Y/n: *sighs*

Jason: *chasing Tim with his guns out* YOU MOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT

Damian: * with his Minecraft diamond enchanted sword* IF I WERE A BIRD NOW I KNOW WHO I WOULD SHIT ON!

Dick : * with a stick ( I don't know where he took that from 🤷) * YOU TRIED TO KILL ME FOR THIS!????????

Y/n : oh well *shrugs* Dami wanna go on a date ?

Damian: * still chasing Tim* sure beloved

I hope you guys liked it . And yeah it took a lil long to post it and I am sorry for that . This is the last chapter ^⁠_⁠^

[changbinsboiledegg]

Girl your skz "another member walks in" reactions gave me intense Changbin brainrot and I need a full thing but where his gf is feeling insecure about herself so he fucks her and doesn't let her cum until she repeats the praises and compliments he tells her 🤤🥰🥰

No because why does he seem like the type?? Insecure?? Nope. Not on Changbin's watch. Also, in case no one told you told Anon; you horny mf. Anyways, I hope you enjoy :,)

AFAB! reader x SKZ Changbin.

MDNI. MDNI. MDNI. MDNI. MDNI. MDNI!!!!!!!!

Warnings: Insecure reader, issues with body/self image, SMUT. SMUT. SMUT. Explicit, swearing, petnames, praise kink, edging?, cum lol, creampie, unprotected seggs, usage of the word 'dick' because I was scared to write 'cock'. Maybe a little dirty talking? I feel like I'm forgetting smth but y'all get the gist.

Note: Please don't blacklist me lmao I'm only here to provide for anons and smut readers alike. Longer than I intended but I don't think y'all care lol. Anyways, ily, I hope you enjoy, and I'm going to log out for a day because I'm nervous. And obviously if smut makes you uncomfortable, SKIP. any grammar/typos, look away 🫶 I tried.

btw, Changbin is my ult lol. Okay adios.

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

You tried on way too many outfits within the past ten minutes. Each one leaving you with a sinking heart and a frown that grew the more you overthought how you looked.

You felt yourself on the verge of tears from the frustration. You and Changbin were supposed to go out on a date later that night and nothing looked right on you. The insecurities were eating you alive and you even went as far as to think, ‘why is he with someone like me?’

“Baby?” You knew Changbin was coming over but you lost track of time. He saw you frowning in disgust at yourself in the mirror, noticing the glint in your eyes from the tears about to give out.

“What’s wrong? Talk to me.” Changbin wrapped his arms around you.

“Why are you with me? I can’t even make an outfit look good on me! People are going to see me with you and wonder why you’re with someone so—”

“Nope. No. No. Stop that. Look at me.” Changbin’s tone was stern, turning you around to face him.

“You are beautiful, gorgeous, a Goddess. If you don’t think these outfits look good on you, then it’s the outfits fault.” He started, lifting a hand to your cheek and wiping the tears that fell down your cheeks with his thumbs.

“If you need me to take your shopping for outfits that won’t make you feel like this, I will. But Just know that I think you could make literal trash look sexy.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his statement, now wiping your own tears. You looked back at the mirror again, feeling your heart sink. “But—”

“Take off this dress.”

“What?” You were taken aback by his interruption. Changbin stood firm where he was, crossing his arms as he looked at you in the mirror. ”Take off the dress. I want to show you something.”

You did as he said, slowly peeling off the dress that didn’t make the cut. Letting it fall to the floor, you were left in just your bra and panties.

Changbin slightly smirked, placing his hands on your shoulders and leaning close to your ear from behind. “See? It is not you making these outfits look bad.”

You glanced away from the mirror, still feeling insecure in your skin. You wished he wouldn’t stare so much, not wanting him to see what you saw. But at the same time, you felt good feeling his eyes roam your body.

“Don’t look away. I’m not done yet.” Changbin regained your attention. You reluctantly looked at yourself, waiting to see what he was trying to show you. You guaranteed that it wouldn’t work.

His hands trailed down your back and to the clasp of your bra, unclasping it and pulling it off.

You were still left in your panties as his hands reached around to cup your breasts, gently massaging them.

“So gorgeous. How could you ever think otherwise?” Changbin huskily whispered, pecking the side of your neck near your jaw.

“No, I’m not—”

“Yes. You are.” He moved his hands down your stomach and to the front of your panties. He noticed you looking away and stopped right at the band. ”Look.” He whispered again, pressing himself against you from behind. You looked back at yourself, feeling his hard erection poking you.

“Do you think I would be this hard for someone I didn’t think looked this fucking gorgeous?” He kissed your neck again, moving his hands to clasp the sides of your panties before pulling them down to your ankles. He stood back up and moved his hand back down to your sensitive, wet clit.

“You’re so beautiful, already ready for me? You feel good when I tell you the truth, don’t you?” He smirked smugly as he rubbed circles around your clit.

You elicited a moan, biting your lip as his touched made you shudder. Changbin paused, raising an eyebrow. “You didn’t answer me.”

“…Yes… I feel good when you compliment me.” You replied in a pleading tone, wanting him to continue. Changbin kissed your neck again.

“You agree that you’re beautiful?” Changbin watched your face in the mirror, waiting for your answer. You hesitated.

Changbin slowly retracted his hand.

“No! Wait… please keep going.” You begged. Changbin clicked his tongue, “Do you agree?”

“Yes! Please?”

“What are you agreeing on?” Changbin quizzed, his hand still not budging. You squirmed but he wrapped his other arm around your waist.

“I’m… I’m…” You couldn’t say it. Changbin waited a few seconds before pulling away from you.

“Beautiful! I’m… beautiful.” You said, feeling a bit awkward— but desperate. Changbin smiled, putting his hands on your waist and guiding you down to the floor and pushing you on all fours.

“You sound so sexy complimenting yourself. You should do it often.” Changbin trailed his hands down your spine and stopping at your hips, gently squeezing them.

“So sexy.”

He took his hands off of you and when you looked in the mirror, seeing how you looked in this position, you also saw Changbin undressing himself. He kicked the clothing away from his immediate surroundings and kneeled down behind you. He was so close that you could feel his hard dick laid on your ass.

“Now, I know you want me inside of you but only if you look at yourself in the mirror and if you repeat after me. Got it, baby?” Changbin stroked himself in slow motions as he used his free hand to spread your legs apart more.

“Oh… Okay… I can do that.” Your eyes flickered to yourself, digging your nails into the carpet a little. You couldn’t help but look at Changbin, though.

“Look at you. Not me.” His stern tone came out again, sliding the head of his dick inside of you. “Do you want me to fuck you or not?”

“Yes!” You answered quickly, trying to focus on yourself. He was watching your face. Your eyes specifically. He knew when and where you were looking.

“Good.” He slid into your wet hole, gripping your hips to pull you closer as he filled you up and stretched you out.

“Don’t you agree that you’re stunning?” He paused, not daring to thrust yet but you felt his dick twitching inside of you.

You wanted more. He definitely wanted more.

But you hesitated. Changbin slowly inched himself out of you.

“Yes.” You caught yourself looking away from your face before quickly staring at yourself again. Changbin, satisfied, snapped his hips forward, sending himself pounding into you.

You covered your mouth, not daring to look away from the mirror as his thrusts were so powerful, the room was filled with the sounds of skin slapping against each other and the moans, groans, and whimpers that emitted from both of you.

Changbin’s grip on your hips tightened as he grunted, “come on, baby. Don’t cover your mouth. Let me hear how good you feel, gorgeous.”

You slapped your hand against the carpet as your walls clenched around his dick, earning a groan as he threw his head back. Your legs felt like goo, knowing you made him feel like that.

His pace continued before abruptly stopped and feeling you pulsate around his length.

“Ah-ah. Don’t close your eyes. You need to watch how good you take it.” He reached a hand to your shoulder for more leverage. You slowly opened your eyes, whimpering from the pleasure and the need to cum.

“Fuck, I love the sounds you make.” He commented in a low whisper, thrusting into you again, only this time he went deeper, harder, and even a little faster.

You weren’t sure which of you were more needy.

“You’re so beautiful.” Changbin watched you in the mirror. Your moans became louder the closer your were about to orgasm.

You almost forgot what he said about repeating him when he stopped abruptly.

“I’m-I’m beautiful…” You repeated. He continued.

“A literal Goddess— Fuck, you feel so good.” He groaned. His thrusts getting faster.

You grit your teeth, trying not to close your eyes as you felt yourself about to let go any minute now. It made your eyes water, but as you looked at yourself being fucked by him, you started to like how you looked.

“I’m a-a Goddess!” You bit your lip, only to moan louder. Changbin smirked, loving the way you were complimenting yourself— finally.

“That’s good, baby, keep doing that.” He cooed, He was satisfied. He was able to take your mind off of your insecurities and seeing you like this, writhed and moaning as he took you from behind? That was one of his favorites sights. “I’m so proud of you, beautiful.”

You were about to cum, feeling your walls contract and clench around him, hearing his groans and moans from the feeling of you on the edge.

You felt euphoric, keeping your eyes on the mirror and trying not to close them because you didn’t want him to stop. But then you did.

Changbin knew it was an involuntarily reaction— that you couldn’t stop yourself from closing your eyes.

He continued, feeling himself about to cum after you. He wanted you to watch yourself cum though.

“Open your eyes, look. Don’t you agree you look pretty cumming?” Changbin was breathing heavily, almost panting as he kept his pace. You forced your eyes open, screaming out from your orgasm as you were cumming.

“Pretty, right? So fucking pretty.” Changbin felt his own orgasm wash over him and you continued to take him, smirking as you watched him in the mirror as he started to fall apart inside of you.

“Very pretty.” You commented, watching as he clenched his jaw and filled you to the brim with cum. He almost collapsed on top of you, had you not been on all fours.

He regained his composure and pulled out as cum dripped out of your hole seconds after.

“You did amazing as usual.” Changbin complimented as you had turned and sat, facing him. You were barely catching your breath.

“I could say the same for you.” Your smirk was still on your face, just as satisfied as he was. “Thank you for…” You paused, thinking of how to word your sentence.

“Thank you.” You settled, feeling a lot less insecure than you did before. Changbin smiled.

“Of course. I will always be here to remind you of how amazing you are.”

[thestrangestthlng]

The Buddies truly come onto this app saying how horrible BT's are, how poorly they treat the Buddies and then get onto this app and call people slurs, attacking their looks, their perceived cognitive abilities, and more. That's not even to get into the doxxing, the homophobia, the attacking of actors just doing their jobs, harassing their families, death threats and more.

This isn't a "both sides" thing. It's a wrong and right. This isn't to say it's the entire Buddie side of the fandom, but silence is violence and if you are quiet when they do these things or write CSA fics you are just as bad. Complicity is violence.

That being said, we need to talk about our resident sarcasm master, Nqueso. Whether they have a "cousin" who works in social media or not, whether they are making shit up as they go or not. It is actually psychotic to get into their dms telling them that they're glad their mother has passed away, calling them every slur you can possibly think of, to harass and attack them they way that has been done.

There have been no spoilers given by queso. Someone who is very observant and actually knows how the industry works can piece together a lot of what they said.

I thought y'all called her fake. Why are you still so concerned with what she says? Block her and move on. Is it because she's documenting your shitty ass behavior?

Or maybe it's because whether she has "inside" information or not you know that your ship is sunk and you're desperately clinging to anything that gives you hope and she's consistently chipping away at that.

If a fucking show... a fictional fucking ship is so vital to your happiness and causes so much anger and hatred in your heart, I fear therapy isn't even enough for you. It's time for you to log off. It's television. Queso is not out here affecting your lives in any way, shape, or form.

Block and move on.

Also, maybe find Jesus or other spiritual guidance because the way you treat other people over fiction shows that you have a lot of growing that you need to do as people.

(P.S. The amount of queerphobia and racism that the Buddie side of the fandom spews into the world is absolutely fucking psychotic, especially for a queer ship and half of their ship being Latino. Christ.)

[nethhiri]

Marooned: Chapter 43

Kid x FemReader x Killer

Warnings: Sex and violence (as always)

This one is a longer one bc I worked on it all week long. Hope y'all enjoy <3

Kidding Around

Killer helped you escape Kid's death grip in the morning so you could participate in the sunrise coffee ritual that you had established with him. It was clear that Killer was an expert after so long with Kid, switching you with a pillow that Kid then squeezed to himself. You stood on the bow with Killer, one of his arms casually around your waist. With him, silences weren't awkward. You watched together as the sun peeked over the horizon with its grapefruit-pink rays. They shifted orange then pale yellow as the dawn evolved. 

"What are your goals, Killer?"

"To make Kid king of the pirates."

"After that."

"I doubt Kid will want to stop pirating. Maybe we'll return to our hometown and turn it around. I could have a restaurant." Killer prompted, "And you?"

"I don't know anymore."

His hand squeezed your hip reassuringly. He had noticed that you stopped talking about your revenge as much and that you rarely checked your specialized log pose. He didn't think you had given up on it, just put it on the back burner. 

When the sun climbed high enough in the sky to clear the horizon, you squinted. There was a black shape. "Land ho!" You looked up to the crow's nest wondering who was up there. They weren't doing their job. You caught a glimpse of big, poofy, orange hair as Quincy darted away from the ladder, wearing just a robe, probably trying to avoid being seen before everyone woke up.

"That's odd. I thought Nu was on watch." 

"I think he had a visitor," you said with a cheeky inflection. That's cute. Quincy was with the other ginger on board, the one with the mohawk and tiny glasses. 

"Damn it. I told everyone to knock it off with that shit. They need to be alert."

"I would like to go on record to state I have never hooked up with anyone there."

"You haven't been up there with Wire then. He has a way of talking people out of their pants."

"WIRE?!"

"It's his secret talent."

"Has he....done that to you?" You bit your lip, eyeing him with curiosity. 

"Decline to comment." He headed towards the galley to start breakfast. "Come on. Everyone will be eager to eat and get off the ship."

This island was essentially neutral. There were pirates and marines alike, though the marines were few. They were probably only there to restock supplies. You smirked as you went by a group of them atop Mini's back, daring them to engage you as they stared wide-eyed at your jacket. They decided that you were simply an imitation. The real Sea Snake was dead, obviously. It would be unwise to put them down in public anyway, so you let them be. 

You had left before anyone could stop you, not that they would, but you didn’t want to be burdened with being dragged around for errands. Kid was quite disappointed when he couldn’t find you. He had gone into his workshop to see if there was anything he needed more of, and had finally noticed the small renovation you had done. He had wanted to take you with him while he did business before that, with the intention of ending up conveniently together just in time for dinner, and he wanted that even more now. Kid didn’t want to ask you on a date per se. He did want to be alone with you in a context other than the bedroom, however. You had been showing him favor lately and with the new information that you were similar to him in more ways than he thought, Kid felt more comfortable with the idea of getting close to you. Of course he didn’t like you like that. He simply thought you had potential to graduate from fuck buddy to fuck close friend.  There were a few things you wanted to purchase. First, though, you had been waiting for a chance to be in a more open area. It was very difficult to train with Mini on the ship, both because she was enormous and because you would break the ship. Plus, Mini could use a bit of exercise. Being cramped on the ship for too long wasn’t good for her. Mini walked until you were both deep in the forested part of the island, in a clearing. For several hours, until you were both out of energy, you practiced new skills and techniques. You flopped on Mini as she laid down, both taking a quick rest. 

Hunger woke you from rest. The sun was much lower than it had been when you had closed your eyes. Your nap went longer than intended. You felt very refreshed afterwards though, so you didn’t mind one bit. The two of you headed back towards the ship, Mini split off from you to return, while you kept going to find a place to eat.

Kid was in a bad mood. How hard was it to find a huge raging monster and a boar? All while he was taking care of some errands, he was keeping an eye out for you, but failed to catch a glimpse. Even when he came across the other officers, none of them had seen you either. The thought had crossed his mind that maybe you dipped on them, or worse, maybe someone had taken you. That thought bothered him more than he thought it would. Actually, the longer the day went on without finding you, the more he dwelled on it. He growled to himself, frustrated that he couldn’t shake you from his mind.

You found yourself in a dimly lit, grungy bar. Every man who initially approached you turned tail as soon as they saw your face, whether it was from your stank eye or from your scars, you didn’t know. You were leaned back with your feet kicked up on the table and a beer in your hand, somewhat tucked in the corner of the bar. You liked privacy and you liked being able to see the entire room, no need to look over your shoulder. 

The door swung open, a big red ogre behind it. He looked pissed and stomped straight to the bar. You were surprised Killer wasn’t with him, or anyone for that matter. You called a waitress over and handed her a note to deliver to him. You were going to send him a beer but the bartender put one down in front of him before he even asked. The waitress handed the slip of paper to Kid and scampered away, which was probably for the best since he whipped around angrily to see who sent the note. His eyes didn’t soften, but they did brighten when he saw that it was you. 

“What crawled up my ass?” Kid crumpled the note and threw it at you. He grabbed a chair and dropped his body into it across from you. “YER the one who crawled up my ass.” He pointed in an accusatory way.  Your eyebrow twitched up. “Me?” You looked him up and down. “If I was in your ass, you wouldn’t look so mad. I promise you that.” 

“Shut up.” Kid rolled his eyes. “I’ve been lookin for ya all day. Thought ya might have got stolen.”

“Bet you would have loved if someone took me off your hands.” You have him a questioning look. “But why? Need me for something?”

Kid reached across the table and tugged your collar. “Nah, yer mine now, girlie. They would have ta take ya from my cold, dead hands.” He grinned so big it almost split his face in two. “And that’s not happenin.” 

That made your heart quicken. You looking into his amber eyes, hiding your soft spot for him. “You still didn’t answer the question.”

”Ah, well,” Kid didn’t have a great excuse. He wasn’t going to tell you the true reason. “Was gonna see if ya wanted to spar with me.” What a dumb fuckin lame-ass excuse. Idiot! 

You shrugged. “Sure.” Weird that something as small as simply wanting to spar upset him earlier. There was definitely more behind it. 

“Really? I mean good.” He swirled the beer around in his mug.  There was a bit of an awkward silence. 

Clearing your throat, you mentioned, “I have some things to do first. Didn’t get to em today.” You tapped your fingertips on the table. “Was gonna ask Heat to come with me cuz I need more clothes and he’s good at picking outfits, but I guess you could come.” You quickly added, “If you want. Because it’s just easier that way.” The dim lighting hid the blush on your face. 

“Ha! I’m way better at picking outfits than Heat.” Kid leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms.

”Real outfits, Kid,” you warned, “Not lingerie.” 

“Yeah yeah. Real clothes. Whatever.” He waved you off, cursing you mentally for putting images of you in lingerie into his head.

You both sat and drank your beers, Kid propping his feet up on the table as well. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him stare at you a few times. What’s that about? Your ears perked up when some very drunk man was asking about how someone disabled could be a pirate, assuming they were talking about you with your missing eye. It was clear who they were talking about when he made a joke about an unarmed pirate captain.

It did tick you off when people talked about your imperfections, but fuck did it have you seeing red when you realized it was directed at Kid. You could tease him and make fun of him. You would NEVER bring his involuntary amputation into it, however. That was crossing a line. You don’t even think he heard it, judging from his lack of reaction and how he looked at you in confusion as you got up from the table. You didn’t feel like behaving tonight. There was an itch for violence that you needed to scratch. Maybe defending Kid was just an excuse to let some steam off. He certainly didn't need you to defend him.

”Wanna say that again?” You stood at the man’s table, palms resting flat against it.  The man grimaced when he saw your face. “What? You defending your cripple boyfriend? Seems about right an ugly cunt like you would be with him.” 

“It seems that you don’t know who either of us are.” You smiled at him and his companions. Anyone who had heard of Eustass Kid would know that he was far from incapable with one arm. “That’s cute. You must have been on the sea for what? Five minutes?”

The man’s companions laughed nervously as he kept up. “Bitch, if you’re not gonna take that prosthetic out and let me skull-fuck that butchered face, I would get lost.”

You reached up and pulled your log pose from your eye socket, rolling it around in your fingers. Faster than he could react, you grabbed his hair, slammed his face on the table, pulled it back up, and shoved your eye into his mouth as far back as you could push it. “Swallow it.” His eyes were wild and he clawed at the arm holding his hair. “I said SWALLOW IT.” 

He gagged and choked, holding his throat, before gasping for air. “WHAT THE FUCK?” His eyes were watery as he stared at you with bewilderment. 

“Actually, I’m gonna need that back.” You grabbed a steak knife from the table and grinned at him.

”No please…” The man was sweating, scared shitless.

“Apologize to him.” You pointed at Kid, who was still relaxed in his seat, enjoying the show. 

“I-I’m sorry, S-sir.”

”Eustass Kid,” you corrected.

The man’s eyes widened with realization, that he fucked up big time. He started to plead for his life almost immediately.

You thrusted the knife into his stomach and tore it open. “Unfortunately, I do still need that.” His hands tried to grab yours away but kept slipping from the blood. His screams were really fucking up the atmosphere of the bar. You pushed into the open wound with your hand, searching for your eye. “Skull-fuck, huh? You’re lucky I don’t have a dick or I’d fuck you right in this warm, wet hole of yours.” Your hand found what it was looking for and retrieved the small orb. Dunking it in his companion’s beer, you cleaned it off and stuck in right back where it belonged. 

His two companions, trembling and trying not to catch your eye, dragged him off, leaving a trail of blood behind. He might live. You thought about cutting his arm off since he had such nice things to say about Kid’s amputated limb, but what you did was much more satisfying and cruel. 

You felt a metallic arm pulling you into Kid’s lap. “Yer so fuckin hot when ya get like this,” Kid growled in your ear lowly.

You grabbed his beer, having finished your own, and chugged the rest of it. “This bar sucks. Let’s go somewhere else.” You trailed a finger down his exposed chest. “I feel like fucking some shit up.”

Kid’s signature laugh rang out through the bar. “Then let’s fuck some shit up.” He grabbed your chin. “How could I say no to a bonnie lass like yerself?” 

You made a fake retching noise. “Quit with that flattery bullshit.” Kid didn’t have to do any of that. If he wanted to fuck, you were down. “I’ll fuck you later.”

Kid frowned as you took his hand and dragged him out of his seat. He meant what he said. Of course, he wanted to fuck, too. Beside the point, you let Killer say nice things about you, but you didn’t take Kid seriously and that bothered him. 

You and Kid started a fight with anyone that looked at you sideways. Kid held someone still for you to beat up and you did the same for him, laughing maniacally as you did so. Alternating between knocking someone’s lights out, getting sloshed at different bars, and making out in dark corners, the two of you ended up walking to the very edge of the island. There wasn’t much else but beach here. You had no idea what time it was and no idea how you were still standing. Kid supported your weight as you walked through the sand in an incredibly unsteady gait. There was a piece of driftwood that was just big enough for you two to sit on. You leaned heavily against Kid and he put the excess fabric of his coat around your shoulders. 

For how drunk you were, Kid was impressed with how you deftly undid his belts and snuck your hand into his pants. It was known by now that arousal came as a package deal with your aggression. His thick shaft hardened quickly under your hand, happy to oblige whatever needs you had. Kid let his head fall back, enjoying the feeling of your small hand struggling to jerk him off. He let out an impatient huff when your hand started to slow, before stopping altogether. His amber eyes flicked to where your hand was limp around his cock and your head rested in his lap. “What the fuck?” That bitch fell asleep. Kid groaned. It was feeling so good too. He swallowed thickly. You clearly wanted to give him a handy, so there wasn’t anything wrong with helping you finish the job, right? He stuck his own hand down his pants and enveloped yours with his grip, tightening your hold on his cock. The feeling of doing something just a little bit wrong and in public to boot, sent a thrill right to his balls. He finished himself quickly with your hand, his pulsing cock emptying into it with a grunt. Kid snickered to himself with the thought of you waking up with your hand dried shut.

Kid had already pissed you off, not because your hand had been glued shut with his cum, which was admittedly funny, but because he had to put his two cents into every single thing you looked at. You wanted a second weapon to dual wield. You loved your gunblade and it was versatile though it still had limits. Every weapon you picked up, Kid chided you for picking something so low quality. You were deeply regretting inviting him along. You picked up a curved sword to inspect the blade.

”Shit metal. Shit craftsmanship.” Kid’s arms were folded and he looked just as annoyed as you did.

You finally stood toe to toe with him, pressing your finger to his sternum. “If you think everything in this town is shit, why don’t you make me something useful. Impress me, magnet boy.” 

“Magnet man.” Kid unfolded his arms. “Fine. I will. And it’ll be so good it’ll blow yer tits off.” He went to flick your nipple but you slapped his hand away.

After perusing possibly every weapon this town had to offer, you moved on to your next task: clothes shopping. Kid had actually picked out some tasteful outfits. He did manage to sneak a few, more risqué items in, though they were cute so you did entertain the idea of buying them. You also found a little outfit that Kid agreed Heat would be enamored with. You found a few more things, including some more bold choices, since you wouldn’t fit in without at least one pair of stupid ugly pants. You threw everything into a pile and returned with your normal clothes on. When you went to pay, the man behind the counter said that your boyfriend had already paid.

It shouldn’t piss you off but it did. “I told you to stop doing that shit.” You jabbed Kid’s side and grabbed the bag from his hands. 

“Doing what?” 

You couldn’t even say it without getting embarrassed. “You know.” You held the bag up. “The compliments and … nice gestures.” You huffed. “It’s weird. We’re not…anything.” Kid was just your fuck buddy, nothing more. No feelings were involved, or that’s what you told yourself. 

Kid knew that was true, though he thought he might want to be something to you. “Didn’t say we were. I can’t do something nice?”

”You’re Eustass Kid. You’re not nice.” 

“Whatever. Ungrateful hag.”  “Thank you. Much better.” You smiled at him.  Kid grumbled and complained for the rest of your shopping trip, eventually dragging you to a street vendor to eat since he was getting progressively more hangry. This time you paid, insisting on it to make yourself even with him. You both got some kind of saucy meat on a stick and found a tree to sit under. Kid wolfed his down in about a minute while you took a few more to finish yours. 

“What?” You said sharply, noticing Kid snickering at you.

”Yer a messy eater, ain’t ya?”

You froze as he used his thumb to wipe sauce from your cheek, popping it in his mouth. You huffed, mostly to avoid blushing. 

Kid seemed like he had something on his mind. “About the other night…”

”I won’t mention it. Don’t worry.” You knew he had a reputation to keep up.  “I was going to thank ya.”

”Oh. It’s not a big deal.” You sighed. “Listen I know what I just said, but it is refreshing to see that you’re not always a giant dickhead.”

He made a noise of acknowledgment. “We both loved her. Victoria. It was a child’s crush, but it was real enough to both of us at the time.” He had heard Killer explain some of it to you that night. 

”I never had anything like that.” 

“Would ya like to?” 

It was only human to crave affection, and you would be lying if you said you hadn't thought about it before. It would be easier not to have attachments holding you back. It may also make your life less depressing. There were pros and cons to each side. You never got far with the notion since there was no one you had been interested in on that level, or any level. 

Kid mistook your extended silence for offense. “In general. Ya know. Not … with me.” Unless she wants me like that. He let his voice trail off.

“That would complicate things.” You pulled your knees up and rested your head on them. 

“But it might be worth it.”

"Was it worth it to you?" 

Kid knew you were referring to their past with Victoria. "Aye." No matter how much it tore him up some days, he wouldn't trade it. As Killer said, you had to go through certain things to be who you were today, and Kid liked who he was and what he had in his life currently.

After dropping your bags at the ship, you walked with Kid towards the clearing that you and Mini found. A few minutes passed, filled only with the sound of chirping birds and leaves shifting against each other in the breeze. Your hands swung close enough to each other that you could feel the wind from Kid's hand. “I saw that ya missed me enough to connect our spaces again.” Kid teased. He couldn’t take the stretch of silence, not after the slightly down conversation from earlier, and he hadn’t yet gotten to mention that he noticed the change.

”Hypothetically, what if I were to say that I enjoy your company… occasionally.”

“I would say that of course ya do. Everyone enjoys me.” Kid had a smirk on his face, yet underneath, there was a big goofy grin threatening to break through ad your admission. 

“Mhm.”  “Hypothetically I enjoy starin at yer ass when yer workin,” Kid offered. 

”That’s not a hypothetical.”

The clearing was empty. It seemed as though no one else had found your spot. It felt odd to square up to Kid for a fight where you weren’t trying to kill each other for real. The agreed on rules were no use of devil fruit, but weapons were fair game. You could end the fight with one touch of your hand with your devil fruit, which is why you didn’t want to use it.

Standing across from Kid, you could appreciate his stature, broad shoulders, strong physique. He wasn’t cut like Killer was. There was a bit more meat to him, filling out his stomach in very pleasing way. You had to stop yourself from dwelling on it, or this was not going to be a fight at all. 

Kid came at you first. Normally you used your speed to dodge and land an attack in an opening. This time you blocked him. He did the same thing to your punch. It filled you with a sense of pride that you could match him in strength like this. The hits from his metal arm hurt worse. It wasn’t a conscious choice, but both of you had started by holding back, not completely willing to hurt the other. The competitiveness between you, however, quickly caused you to start putting your full weight behind everything. You could hear Kid growl as you narrowly avoided his fist, which instead splintered a tree trunk. You used the opportunity to land a kick in his side. He wheezed for a second before coming after you again. A big sweeping motion with his metal arm took you by surprise, knocking you to the ground. Using the momentum from rolling, you hopped back up in time to miss another attack from Kid. 

The taste of blood was in your mouth. It seemed he had split your lip. You licked the red liquid decorating your mouth, steeling yourself to get more serious. Pulling out your gunblade, you shot several times in seemingly random directions. It was habit not to shoot at Kid since his devil fruit could deflect bullets. Large branches from the surrounding trees fell around him in a way that made it difficult to dodge them all and forced him to remain in one space.

You followed right behind the branches, taking a running leap at Kid’s back. Before you could press your blade to his throat, he shed his feathered coat that you were holding on to, causing you to fall in an ungraceful way. You had to quickly roll to dodge Kid’s next attack. He had taken out his own gun and sent a bullet into the ground you had just occupied. 

Kicking out forcefully in Kid’s direction, you connected with his leg, destabilizing him enough that you could launch yourself from the ground to tackle him. He was quick to prevent you from getting him into a grappling hold. Kid grabbed your wrist and slammed it on the ground, forcing you to release your grip on your gunblade. In a flash he had both your wrists caught and your legs pinned under his own. Kid held his head back, knowing that your counter would be to headbutt him. 

The afternoon angle of the sun bounced orange rays from your fiery eyes, the light glistened off the thin sheen of sweat on your Y/S/C skin, and it lit your hair up like a flame, the way it was wildly strewn behind you only enchanted the effect. Kid was entranced by the heave of your chest as you caught your breath and the playfully aggressive gaze fixed on his own face. Red caught his attention, blood spilling slowly from the cut in your lip. Suddenly, he was transfixed by the crimson bead, lowering his mouth to meet yours, sucking the iron-tinged from your lower lip. A silvery thread of saliva connected you as he pulled away. He searched your face for any sign to stop and found only molten desire. 

There was a tangle of limbs, hands weaving through hair, sloppy wet kisses, and indecent sounds. Kid's weight pressed against you and his grip keeping you in place had placed impure thoughts in your mind even before he tasted the blood on your lips. That served only to add fuel to the fire burning deep within your core. Deep down you were mad about this weakness, the intense sexual chemistry you had with Kid. In this moment, you were in thrall to it, insatiably grabbing any part of him you could reach. 

A nervous clearing of the throat alerted you both to the presence of Pomp and Reck. Kid grabbed the gun he had knocked from your grasp and you pulled his from his bandolier, both sending a warning shot in their direction. 

"FUCK OFF!" You roared in unison, sending them racing off toward town.

"Can't. Get. Any. Fuckin. Privacy." He said between shoving his tongue down your throat. 

You could feel Kid's cock grinding into your thigh as he hastily ripped your pants down to your knees. You spread your thighs apart as far as the restricting fabric allowed to give Kid's hand access. His flesh fingers wasted no time finding their home in your dripping core, one after the other were inserted impatiently. The stretch as his fingers scissored your opening wider had you groaning into his mouth. Kid eagerly devoured the intoxicating noises slipping from your lips, each one causing his tip to drool. 

"Kid, I ngh-need it. Now." You panted out. 

"Yer not ready yet." 

"I don't care." You grabbed his dick through his pants. "Give it to me before I take it myself." 

Kid slipped a third finger inside, earning another sweet set of sounds from you. "Look at ya, rotten brat. Givin orders to me." He thrusted his fingers a few more times before removing them completely. 

You whined at the empty feeling. "Please." Your thighs rubbed together for friction. 

"Ya want this fat cock?" Kid freed said beast from the confines of his pants, stroking it slowly to give you a show.

You nodded vigorously, freeing your legs from your pants.

Kid pulled your soggy panties to the side, lining himself up with your slit and pushing his dripping mushroom head between your glistening folds. You wrapped your legs over his hips and pulled him inside yourself until you were completely full. Truthfully, Kid would have loved to drag this out and tease you a little more, but your wanton craving for him was really turning him on and there was no doubt someone else from the crew would come interrupt again soon. Kid's metal hand was big enough to wrap under you, holding your body in the palm while the thumb rested over your pussy. The cold metal against your clit was electrifying and you hissed through your teeth when Kid applied pressure. 

"Ya like that?" Kid moved his hand, effectively using you as a human fleshlight. "Yer gonna love this."

A cry of pleasure was ripped from your throat as Kid continued this movement, grinding his cock into your cervix, and added a low vibration with his devil fruit directly above your clit. With barely a warning, an orgasm crashed over you, making you shriek even louder. Kid narrowly held his own release back feeling the gush and pulsation of your climax. He continued to move you up and down his shaft, increasing the vibration in his thumb. The first orgasm was barely over before the second one overcame you. 

"Oh f-uck yes." You moaned. "Use m-me!" 

Kid's pace was erratic. The way your cunt gripped him with its gushy walls was enough to milk his balls dry. "That's right," Kid growled. "Yer my personal cock sleeve. Ya can't get enough of my cum can ya?"

"F-fill me up, C-Captain." You hand pressed down on the thumb of his metal hand, feebly attempting to grind your clit against the vibrations. 

Kid snickered, helping you out by increasing the pressure. Purple energy crackled around your collar as he tightened it around your neck. Your moans were raspier now, though just as needy. "That cunny of yers is suckin me in. She wants my cum so badly, aye?" 

You nodded your head, saliva pooling at the corners of your mouth, unable to swallow. Black tinged the corners of your vision. Your mouth formed a silent cry as Kid tightened your collar further, using you to get off. You twitched and trembled, a final orgasm taking you over. The tingling warmth enveloping you in a bath of endorphins. You were fully caught in your own pleasure, so much so that you missed Kid doubling over you, releasing a cry of his own as he emptied himself into you. He used your body to pump every last drop from himself. 

You gasped as he released his power, sucking fresh air into your lungs to quell your burning muscles. Kid removed himself from you and laid you down flat, pushing your legs back to admire his seed dripping from your hole. He wiped the drips with his fingers and pushed it back inside you, pulling your panties back over your cunt and giving it a pat. 

"Keep it all in, bunny, or I'll have to fill ya up again."

"Yeah? Not much of a threat is it?" You found your pants and dusted yourself off.

As soon as you had your pants on, Kid slung you over his shoulder and cracked your ass with his hand. "No talkin back."

About halfway back to town, Kid let you walk on your own two feet. "Can ya walk or are yer legs still jelly?" He kept his hands hovered above your shoulders in case you fell over.

You grabbed his coat for support. "I'm good." You thought he had picked you up to be an asshole. Was he trying to be helpful? You didn't complain this time. Your legs had been jelly. 

Kid took note of your hand moving from his coat to hold onto his arm. He let it stay. You only removed it when Heat stared at it too long, not even aware that you had still been holding onto Kid. There was an immediately coolness where his warmth had been, and the urge to keep holding him close surfaced. Kid had been thinking the same thing. He liked feeling your weight on him, feeling you rely on him. He wanted you to rely on him more and trust him with yourself.  

Next Chapter

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A/N: I'm so sorry for how long of a delay there was on this update, and even more sorry for the poor quality of this chapter lol. I went to 5 concerts consecutively (two of which were Bad Omens, of course) and was dead tired afterwards. Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy. Love you all 🖤 Tag List: @cheyfi @kingdomof-omens @daylightlvrs @blade-in-red @ladyveronikawrites @jay02bo @itsmrsfuentes @cncohshit

The second I unlocked the door to my home, I beelined it to my bedroom and collapsed onto my bed. I was exhausted. Though the past week was full of excitement, I just wasn't cut out for the tour life. It was fast-paced, cramped and loud, and I couldn't wait to return to my placid bakery where things made more sense.

It was still such an amazing thing to witness the guys do what they were most passionate about night after night, and I was so happy for and proud of them. But Christ, did they wipe me out.

I wasn't due back to the bakery until tomorrow morning, so I took advantage of the alone time that I had and slept. I didn't even change out of my clothes, just simply kicked my shoes off and snatched Noah's pillow, hugging it to my chest and breathing in the little aroma it still had of his cologne. I was out cold in a matter of minutes.

It took every fiber of my being that I had to not throw my phone against the wall when my alarm went off the next morning. It felt like I blinked, and it was already time to get up, when in reality I slept for about 10 hours give or take. Clearly, I needed it though—I woke up in the same position, and my neck was stiff from the way I had fallen asleep on it.

Groaning, I pushed myself into a sitting position, swinging my legs off the side of the bed, and tried to rub the knot out of my neck. I gave up with a huff when I wasn't able to alleviate it and headed straight to the bathroom to shower.

I took an unnecessarily long shower, relishing the familiar warmth and steady pressure from the spray head as the water caressed and soothed my exhausted body. I never thought I'd miss something as simple as that, but after a week of fighting for a shower that would be lukewarm at best, this was like hitting the jackpot.

Accepting the fact that I needed to stop dragging my feet and go to work, I reluctantly left the shower with a sigh. I stayed in there until my fingers were pruned, appreciating every second I had with the coconut lather of my shampoo and body wash. I dressed quickly, threw my hair into a messy bun, and made my way to the bakery where I was met with welcoming smiles from Juliana and Holly.

“Welcome back, Liv! How was your time away with the hubby?” Jules asked once I made my way around the counter. “Long,” I huffed out a tired laugh, and she furrows her brows with a timid smile grazing her lips. “It was great, but the boys are just a lot—especially when you’re stuck on a bus with them, sharing one bathroom.” She snorts and nods her head in understanding. “I can only imagine. I grew up with three older brothers; I couldn't be stuck on a bus with them for that long. I’d have killed one of them, I’m sure.”

The three of us shared a laugh as I made my way into my office, pleased to see that it was still the way I had left it, with only a few items of paperwork to file away. Logging into my computer, I saw just how well Jules held down the fort while I was away; she took care of the cash deposits, counted inventory, and even placed the order for our next delivery before I walked in this morning.

"Hey, Liv," Holly greets me as she knocks on the door frame. "There's someone in the lobby asking to see you." I finished filing away the paper I held in my hand and turned my attention to her. "Do you know who it is?" I quirked an eyebrow in curiosity, not expecting any visits from anyone, especially since I just returned home. "I'm not sure of his name, but he's here all the time," she shrugs. "Shaggy hair, always get a muffin and a dark roast coffee."

Steven.

My stomach immediately churns at the thought of him, remembering how awful that night had been the last time that I saw him. It makes me sick how easily he manipulated me into drinking, how easily he conditioned me into letting my guard down to take advantage of me... But it was my own doing.

I was so weak, so vulnerable, and it was fucking embarrassing. My behavior was embarrassing. A sloppy drunk causing a scene and stumbling outside, collapsing to the ground in hysterics and vomiting on the sidewalk as her husband held her.

The worst part about that night was how I broke Noah's heart, asking if he even loved me. The sorrow on his face was permanently burned into my mind—the pained inhale he took as his mouth dropped open, the tears that rolled down his face as he shook his head in disbelief. I could see his heart shattering, and there's a part of me that will always hate myself for causing him that pain.

I sighed harshly and stood, bracing myself for whatever bullshit Steven had to say to me. I made my way towards the front, shoulders squared in hopes of expressing that I was in no mood to take his shit.

Once I crossed into the lobby, I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw what he held in his hands, my face immediately contorting with disgust. "Steven, what are you doing?" I spit, folding my arms across my chest. "I wanted to apologize for—” I hold up a hand, cutting him off. "Don't. Get out." "Liv, please," he begs, holding out the small bouquet of flowers towards me. "I overstepped that night and I just wanted to smooth things over. Start fresh, a new clean slate."

He swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing distinctly when I let out a dry laugh, shaking my head at him. Did he think I'd just sweep everything under the rug for a bundle of cheap flowers from the corner store? This man was nothing to me; it was no sweat off my back if I never laid eyes on him again. He wasn't anything other than some change in my pocket, even more so after his actions at the bar.

"You must be joking. Right?" He fidgets, shifting his weight from one foot to the other apprehensively. "No, I really am sorry, Liv," he tries again, his eyes searching mine for forgiveness. I snorted, "That's great. And I really meant it when I said to never step foot in my bakery again." He lowers the flowers, pulling his brows together. "Over a stupid kiss, really?" His whole demeanor had changed, his voice growing strong as he scowled at me.

My blood began to simmer hearing those words come out of his mouth. "A stupid kiss?" I repeated, jerking my head back while my brows rose in astonishment. "It's not about the kiss, Steven. You crossed boundaries, you humiliated me in front of all those people!" "I humiliated you? It's not my fault you can't handle your liquor—” "Get the fuck out!" I shouted, pointing a now trembling finger at the front door. I grit my teeth when he doesn't so much as move a muscle. "I swear to God, Steven if you don't get out right this second—" "What? What are you gonna do, huh?" He opens his arms wide, taking a step towards me. "Gonna slap me and run away again?"

Rage was coursing through my veins as my hands balled into fists at my sides, my arms quivering with adrenaline. I wanted nothing more than to sock him in the face, but I couldn't do that. Not in my place of work. Instead, I clenched my teeth as we locked eyes and took a few deep breaths, hoping to suppress my anger.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, exhaling deeply one last time. "Please just get out. I will call the police, and have you escorted if you don't," I tell him as calmly as possible. "You're a cunt," he scoffs. "Can't even accept a simple apology without putting up a fight. No wonder your husband spends all his time on his music to get away from you." My eyes snapped open from his words just as he whipped the flowers in my direction—I barely had enough time to bat them away. "Oh, you motherfucker," I hissed, shaking my head in disbelief. "Get the fuck out!" I hollered, planting my hands on his chest and giving him a hard push towards the door.

His words lit the fire I tried so hard to snuff out. I kept shoving him, getting more aggressive with each push while tears began to burn my eyes. I kept shoving him until one of the girls wrapped her arms around my torso and pulled me back, allowing him to shoot one last profanity towards me before exiting the building. I watched him saunter away, shaking his head while he went, my chest heaving as I tried to ground myself.

"Are you okay?" I realized that it was Juliana who pulled me back. I nodded, huffing in aggravation once more before wriggling out of her grasp. "I'm okay," I assure her, wiping under my lashline to hinder the tears that were still burning my eyes from spilling. "Excuse me," I mumbled, heading back to my office. I shut the door and collapsed into the computer chair, my head hanging off the back.

No wonder your husband spends all his time on his music to get away from you.

I tried my damnedest to not let his words affect me, but they cut deep. Things had been great with Noah this past week, and I knew things were fine between us, yet I couldn't keep myself from thinking that maybe Steven was right. I had been confined in the bus with Noah for a week; he had no choice but to give me his attention—things could easily go back to the way they had been beforehand.

And that thought made my chest tight, it made my heart sink to the pit of my stomach. I did not want to go through that pain again, feeling as if I were insignificant to him. I did not want to succumb to the loneliness that I felt and slip down that rabbit hole again. I just simply couldn't.

I covered my face with my hands and let out a deep groan, scrubbing my cheeks in frustration. This was not how I intended my first day back to work to go. All I wanted to do was go home and have a drink to calm myself down or to forget what just happened—whichever came first. But I didn't. I took some deep breaths, tacked on a fake smile, and did what I had to do.

The rest of the day went by smoothly. It was slower than usual, but the customers that came in were pleasant. I was able to bake a few trays of macaron shells, ready to be finished being put together tomorrow morning.

I had just stepped through the door when my phone started to ring in my back pocket, and I knew that it was Noah. With a smile, I placed my belongings on the kitchen island and accepted the call.

"Do you have cameras on me or something?" I greet him sarcastically. "Well, hello to you, too," he chuckles on the other end. "No...but should I? Are you doing something I shouldn't see?" He muses. "No, no," I say as I cross over into our bedroom, flipping on the light. "I literally walked through the door just as you called." "Damn, for a second I thought maybe you were parading around in some new lingerie. Or, better yet, nothing at all." I can hear the smirk that I'm sure was plastered on his face.

I rolled my eyes with a small chuckle, tucking my phone between my shoulder and ear as I opened the closet and pulled out the nearly overflowing laundry basket. I cringed, regretting that I left this for when I came back instead of doing it before I left for the week.

"Anyways, how was work?" "Oh, you know, work," I sighed, putting him on speaker so that I could exchange my work clothes for sleepwear. "It was fine." "Just fine?" I shrugged as if he could see me, "Yeah. It was slow, did some baking. Nothing to write home about." "You sure about that? 'Fine' usually means it wasn't fine." He presses. I plopped down onto the bed with another sigh, bringing the phone back to my ear. "I had to kick someone out this morning, that's all." "Mmm, there's something you're not telling me." He doesn't ask; he states.

I didn't really want to get into my altercation with Steven, but I knew better than to avoid telling Noah about it. He had a sixth sense for this shit, I swear, and he wouldn't stop pestering me until I cracked. I huffed, combing my bangs back with my hand. "It was the same guy from that night." He lets out an aggravated breath. "Are you alright? He didn't try to pull some shit again, did he? I swear—" "No, Noah, relax. He just came in to apologize." "Then why did you have to kick him out?" He retorts. I rested my elbow on my knee, planting my forehead in my hand. "I got mad," I tell him simply. He scoffs, "Mad about what? That he apologized?" "No, I'm not mad that he apologized—" "Then why did you get mad?" He snips, his voice rising.

His tone was starting to aggravate me, his impatience getting under my skin. There was no reason for his hostility, especially since he wouldn't let me finish my damn story. When he finally let me get my word in to explain the exact reasoning for kicking Steven out, he asked me if I had a drink, which in of itself wasn't a big deal. It was the tone of how he asked, and the insinuation in his response when I truthfully told him that I didn't.

"What's gotten into you tonight? You don't trust me to stay sober while you're not around?" I laughed incredulously, my blood now set to a boil. "No, I just worry about you, Olivia." I rolled my eyes again—this was not the action of someone who was simply worried about me. Something was causing him to behave this way, and I'm not sure what it was, but it needed to stop.

We remained silent. I was too pissed to say anything, and I'm sure he was trying to find something to say to ease the tension. I stood to resume my task of doing laundry and picked up my bag from this past week, beginning to toss all the clothes into the hamper aggressively. When I tossed the last article of clothing into the basket, I heard something bounce and land on the floor with a soft thump.

I stared at the familiar shimmer of black titanium with uncertainty, my stomach churning. "Can I ask you something?" I broke the silence, bending down to pick up his wedding ring. "Why exactly do you wear a single glove on your left hand?" I twiddled the ring between my fingers as if to make sure that it was real and not some figment of my imagination. "I don't know," he mumbles. "Thought it was a cool look." I pursed my lips into a fine line, nodding slowly with disbelief. "Huh, okay. Not trying to hide the fact that you're not wearing your wedding ring from me, right?"

He sighs harshly, having me pull the phone away from my ear from the sudden noise. "Olivia, you're being ridiculous. Why the fuck would I do that?" "You tell me. I just found your ring in my shit while starting the laundry. Kinda convenient, don't you think? Now that I'm not there with you, you take it off," I let out a dry laugh. "What are you trying to say?" "I'm not saying anything," I shrug once again. "Just seems like you're trying to give off the impression that you're not married, is all." "I took it off so I don't lose it, Liv," he barks. "And I put it in your bag because you were going home." "Why wouldn't you just hand it to me, then?" I snapped, slamming it down on the nightstand. "Olivia, please. I can't deal with this right now. You're being fucking ridiculous." The line went dead before I could get in another word.

My heart plummets to the pit of my stomach, and tears roll down my cheeks almost instantaneously. I couldn't fucking breathe; my chest felt so tight as I tried not to break into a fit of hysterics.

Maybe I was overthinking it, maybe he really did want his ring in a safe place, but it all just seemed too convenient. And this behavior was not like him. Being assertive was one thing, but to accuse me of drinking, followed by hanging up on me because he 'can't deal with this right now' was a whole other level. Forget about being insignificant, that just made me feel unworthy.

I wasn't thinking clearly as I screamed and whipped my phone into the wall, and I most certainly wasn't thinking when I slipped on a hoodie and grabbed my keys, slamming the door behind me when I left.

|Chapter 11|

[ionlymadethissoicouldleaveanask]

This one goes out to @mlgssy

I'm also tagging @makowrites and @helix-enterprises117 because y'all are enabling this silly AU.

=-=-=-=

“You’re looking a little worse for wear, Gunny.” Her words were calm. Casual. Almost dispassionate.

“And you’re looking like you’ve got your nose some place it doesn’t belong, Staff Sergeant,” he bit back. She could tell that the bark in his voice was forced… he was in some real pain, and doing his best not to show it. “Go see to your squad, and don’t bother me,” he added gruffly.

Shaddock grinned. “Why, sticking my nose into other people’s business is my specialty. You ought to know that by now.” When he failed to provide some snarky comeback, a frown crossed her lips. He must have been hurting even worse than she had realized. She stepped forward, dropping a hand on his shoulder. “Come on, you’re bleeding. Let me take a look at it.”

He flinched away from her touch. “I’m fine,” he growled. “I need to check on my people, so unless you plan to carry me around on your shoulders, get out of my way.” He shot her a reproachful look over his shoulder and tried to stand from his place perched on a log beside the fire, but he paused and his face contorted in pain as he rose partway to his feet.

The smile disappeared from Kelly’s face as she applied enough pressure to hold him in place. “Stay here,” she growled, forcefully enough to even get through his thick head. He glared up at her, his green eyes sparkling distractingly in the firelight. She filed that thought away in the quickly growing Don’t Ever Think About This Again corner of her brain and took a step back to point at his chest. “Armor, shirt, off now,” she ordered with an authority that she didn’t hold, even in the odd rank structure of The Spirit of Fire’s surviving crew stranded outside of the Milky Way.

Ellsworth was thinking just the same thing, she could see it in the way he scowled and his eyes crinkled haughtily at the corners. So she pressed the slight advantage she had earned by surprising him. “Either you take them off or I do, Gunny,” she sighed, effecting an air of nonchalance that she would never admit to not feeling. She flashed him a grin and waggled her eyebrows as she tacked on, “Imagine what your squad would say if they caught me pulling your clothes off in the woods late at night. The LT would have us knocked down for sure.”

Her teasing insistence finally seemed to wear him down. He continued to glare at her as he slowly stripped his gloves and dropped them at his feet, revealing large and calloused hands. Next, he reached up to detach his pauldrons from his rig, sliding them down his arms one at a time. Then he detached the strap holding his chest piece in place and gingerly lifted it over his head, ducking to hide a wince as he did so. Finally, he began pulling at his shirt.

The dark, thick material was stiff with dried blood and seemed to cling to his body. He hissed as he tried to gently pry it away from the skin on his left side, the side he’d been favoring ever since their rough entry sixteen hours ago. His face twisted when he stretched something that clearly didn’t want to be stretched, and Kelly decided she couldn’t take sitting and watching this happen any longer.

With a tired glance around them just to make sure there weren’t any gossiping eyes watching them, she crouched down in front of Ellsworth and grabbed at the hem of his BDU shirt.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he growled, his voice rough and deep. Distractingly so.

Kelly shook her head. Another entry for the increasingly cluttered corner of her mind.

“I’m getting this shirt out of the way so I can see your injury,” she answered snarkily, trying to ignore the sound of his voice and the slight thrill it sent running down the length of her spine. “Are you going to keep complaining, or are you going to shut up and let me keep you alive?” she asked, pausing to look up and stick her tongue out at him.

Ellsworth paused, looking down at her as she pulled at his shirt. Finally he lifted his hands as if to wave her off for being ridiculous, but couldn’t hide the slight coloration in his cheeks. “I told you already,” he began his weak protest once more.

“‘You’re fine.’ Yeah, I heard you the first ten times,” Kelly responded with an eye roll. “It wasn’t true the first time you said it, it won’t be true the next time you say it either.” She shrugged as she finally began working the shirt up and off his chest. “Cest la vie, or whatever,” she concluded as she lifted the shirt over his head.

His dark hair was messy, protruding from his scalp at odd angles. There was a part of her - a very small part of her, she insisted for no one’s benefit but her own - that wanted to take a moment to run her fingers through that dark hair and find out if it felt as soft as it looked. That same very small part of her let out a low whistle inside her head as her eye trailed down Fred’s torso over his toned muscle and flushed skin.

Then her eyes settled on the mess of biofoam and blood just above his right hip. “You didn’t do a very good job of patching this,” she chided, pulling out a canteen and unscrewing the lid.

“I was a little busy shooting with my other hand at the moment,” Ellsworth hissed, wincing as she trickled water over the hardened foam to relax it and began wiping it away with the sleeve of his discarded BDU. After a few moments of work, Kelly finally revealed the injury itself - a gash running roughly 15 centimeters long and three centimeters wide, snaking around his side.

Kelly hummed thoughtfully. “Well, you certainly don't do things halfway, do you Gunny?” she joked. She snaked her fingertips around the edges of the cut. “This is ugly. You’re going to get infected if you don’t treat it right.”

Fred grunted noncommittally. “I am going to treat it right,” he countered, glaring off in the distance in an attempt to avoid showing any signs of discomfort or pain. “I’m going to ignore it and let the dorks in Sickbay take care of it. Just like I do with everything else.”

“You’re an idiot,” Kelly sighed, a smile turning up the corners of her lips. “Not that this is new information, of course. Just a confirmation of what everybody already knew.”

Ellsworth just shrugged his left shoulder. “I’m a creature of habit.”

Kelly ignored him, reaching back to unclip the small canister of biofoam still hooked to her rig. “I’m going to apply this right, so it can at least do its job and stop the bleeding. I’ve got some gauze, too, that I’ll wrap it with.”

“I don’t need you to baby me,” Fred protested hotly, making a face. “I am -”

Kelly turned a cold glare on him that actually managed to shut him up. “I wasn’t asking, Jumper,” she scolded. Then she felt her cheeks turn a light shade of pink. She didn’t know where that had come from… it usually wasn’t conducive to one’s health to try to reprimand a superior officer. Still, she was stubborn enough that she refused to back down now.

Not to mention the fact that Ellsworth was unsteady on his feet, his face was unnaturally pale, and he looked like he might collapse there and then if it weren’t for the pig head on his shoulders. He was too stubborn to admit he needed help, and she was too stubborn to let him get away with it. Finally, their silent duel concluded with a point to Shaddock when she began cleaning out Fred’s wound with her canteen and he didn’t raise any objection. After rinsing out the injury she carefully injected a bead of biofoam along the torn flesh, waiting for the foam to expand and harden and cover the entire wound. Finally she produced a roll of gauze and began slowly wrapping it around his midsection to help keep everything in place.

As she worked, Kelly couldn’t help but notice the pattern of angry scars that covered Fred’s back. She finished the wrap and tucked it into place to keep it tight, then let her fingers play over the smattering of red lines still exposed above the gauze.

She let out a quiet chuckle when Fred shivered under her touch. “Your fingers are cold,” he said, his voice quieter and far less defiant than she had expected it to be.

“Where did you get this?” Kelly asked, ignoring his complaint and tracing a long red line that ran at least twenty centimeters from the small of his back and up over his left shoulder blade.

“Action with some Innies on Verent back when I was just a marine grunt. One of them got behind me with a knife and tried to carve his name.” He cast a grin over his shoulder and added, “But don’t worry… I had better handwriting than him.”

Kelly rolled her eyes. Typical machismo from the knife fanatic. He probably even kept the dead Insurrectionist’s knife somewhere, the psychopath. A slight shiver ran over her shoulders as she told herself that she didn’t find that somehow attractive. She ran her fingers over to another scar, a vaguely circular mark below his ribcage. “How about the one over here?”

“Lucky shot,” came the gruff answer. “Just a flesh wound; straight through. They still put me on bed rest for a month. I learned how to solve a Rubik’s Cube because I didn’t have anything better to do and the guy in the bed next to me was obsessed with them. Gave me something to do with my hands that wasn’t getting me in trouble, so it seemed like a good habit to pick up.”

Shaddock grinned. She’d seen him messing with that silly little colorful toy whenever they had down time. She’d always assumed it was just to show off.

She ran out of scars on his back, so the ODST absentmindedly circled around to Fred’s front. He told her about the plasma burn on his right shoulder, the barbed wire puncture in his left side, and the series of small marks he had no recollection of getting all over his forearms. Finally, she ran her fingertips around the edges of a large red splotchy mark the size of her palm in the center of his chest. It was shaped vaguely like a duck, she realized with some merriment. “This one?” she breathed, staring intently at the discolored patch of skin.

Ellsworth hesitated a moment, his breath catching in his throat. When she looked up, his bright green eyes seemed far away. “There was a fire,” he finally answered, his voice no louder than a whisper. “When I was a kid. Me and my brother started it out in the barn and, uh…” he paused, his brow furrowing. “It was small. Dad saw the smoke and got it put out. But my brother was panicking and got himself stuck. I grabbed him and dragged him out, and ended up running smack dab into a burning piece of wood.” 

His soft-looking lips curled in an embarrassed half-grin as he said, “I was eight. I knew we weren’t supposed to be playing in the barn, but he was always sick and none of us had the heart to tell him ‘no’ when he wanted to do something.” Then the smile vanished, and that distant look snuck back into his eyes. “He died of Boren’s at the end of that summer. This scar is the only thing I really have to remember him by.”

Kelly watched him intently as he spoke, noting the slight sag in his shoulders and the catch in his voice. She noticed the moisture in his eyes when he turned away to blink too, but elected not to comment on it. Finally, when he turned back to look at her she noticed how close they were standing. Inches apart, close enough for her to feel the heat emanating off of him.

He looked down at her, his eyes widened and his lips parted. Then his hands slowly slid up and rested on top of her ammo pouches, his strong fingers curled in against her unarmored sides. His eyes studied hers for several long moments in a pregnant silence, then flicked downward to stare at her lips.

She didn’t quite know how it got there, but suddenly the hand that wasn’t still pressed against his scar was in his hair. It was as soft as it looked, she noted idly as she pushed her fingers through the tousled mess. Now she was just left to wonder if his lips were the same.

Her breath caught in her throat when she realized that he was tilting his face down toward hers. Her cheeks flushed when she realized that she was rising up onto her toes to meet him in the middle. Her lips parted ever so slightly when she felt his warm breath wash over them and her eyes slid shut when they…

“Gunny, you out here?” O’Hare called out from several yards away, tramping toward them through the thick brush.

Shaddock and Ellsworth both pulled away from each other as if they’d been struck, taking several steps backward to create a “professional distance.” Fred dropped to the ground to collect his discarded uniform and armor while Kelly studied her boots as if they were the most interesting things she’d ever seen in her life.

O’Hare burst into the clearing, his helmet in his hand and his spiky auburn hair slick with sweat. He glanced between the two squad leaders and smirked. “Sorry,” he chuckled in a thick Irish accent, “I didn’t realize I was interrupting your leadership summit. I’ll just come back later.”

“You’re a real cutup, Corporal,” Ellsworth grunted at his second in command, gritting his teeth as he pulled his BDUs over his head. “What do you need?”

The younger Jumper’s face was still covered in a crud-eating grin, but he at least had enough self preservation to know better than to challenge his squad leader. Right then, at least. “We just got a report, Sir. Pickup is five minutes out. I’ve got both squads headed to the LZ now.” He cast one more glance between the two sergeants and seemingly couldn’t help tacking on, “Of course, I could tell them to swing around and pick up One-One-Seven and Oh-Five-Eight first if you’d rather…”

“I won’t tell you what I’d rather you do, Corporal, because that isn’t decent in front of a lady,” Fred growled. He then shot a grin at Kelly and said, “Of course Shaddock is far from a lady, but I still have hopes of reintegrating with some semblance of civilized society someday.”

Kelly rolled her eyes. “Regular comedians, your whole outfit. It’s a wonder you don’t just kill the Banished with your humor,” she remarked with a completely straight face. Still, she couldn’t help but flush slightly at the easy, handsome grin on Ellsworth’s lips.

She slammed her helmet back down onto her head. “I’ll see you two idiots at the LZ,” she grunted, turning away and jogging out of the clearing. “Don’t be late!” she called over her shoulder. “I’m not holding that Pelican for anybody!”

With that, she disappeared into the dark.

[hearth-and-veil]

Heart and Veil - Cult of Eternal Hera - Shadow and Flamethrowers Shutdown

Hey y'all 🪷 I don't think this is going to come as a terrible surprise, given how little I have been on tumblr and how little I have been posting about witchcraft and Hellenic Polytheism. I'm going to lay this out nice and clear.

The past 18 or so months of my life have been a lot, if I'm being honest. The roots are strong, but the branches were sickly. As they have regrown, they have grown differently. I am still me, perhaps more myself than I have ever been, but the me that I am with all the external influence stripped off looks very different.

I finally understand the meaning of "The Way that can be named is not the Way."

I no longer consider myself a Hellenic Polytheist. I still worship the Greek Gods in a certain capacity, but my philosophical bent has changed directions. I will always love our Gods, and I will be grateful to (some of) the HelPol community for their place in helping me find a life I could be happy to live.

I also made the decision this past weekend to remove my veil. For six years, I have worn it with pride and devotion. I no longer feel like I need it, at least not all the time. I have finally learned to be my own veil. I'm going to find a local cancer charity and donate most of my scarves.

I have come to see in recent months that social media isn't really conducive to my happiness; at least not the way I have been using it. I'm deleting most of my social media (though I'm only deactivating IG) and will be away from it all long term. I do intend to come back to tumblr in the future, but it will be in a completely different capacity.

Some will look at this and think, "ahh, see, it's just a phase," and so fucking what? If something I devoted a fifth of my entire life to is a phase, then call me Luna. It's a woman's prerogative. But I am the Magnolia Grandiflora - strong roots, a steady trunk, swaying branches, continually replacing leaves, and long-blooming flowers. I am more than content with that.

I am permanently logging out of all of these tumblr accounts on September 30, 2024. If there was ever a question you wanted to ask, I recommend you get it in before then because once I delete my passwords I am fuck't. I don't even know which email address I used to sign up for hellsite.

Remember: I am proud of you. That little kind thing you did today that nobody noticed? The win you're too humble to brag about? The accomplishment no one else cared about? I am so fucking proud of you. So endlessly proud. You have within you the incredible capacity to be a phenomenal human being. All virtues are just something you practice, not something you are - so go out there and practice the virtues you admire most. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't, because Auntie said that you can.

Thank you all for sharing this space with me for the past few years ❤️

In the wise words of Lester Holt: Take care of yourselves and each other.