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Living that blessed yet hella draining empath life

Reblog if you're an empath

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Day 17/100 days of productivity

Okey dokey peeps this is an important moment for me as I have finally started seeing a therapist for my anxiety and stress issues. Her name is Fiona and she is such a sweet person.

She practices a mixture of mainly CBT and hypnotherapy which appears to really work for me as it means that I, a major control freak, am able to properly relinquish control.

Much of my anxiety stems from a form of ptsd that was started by the many years of bullying I faced throughout primary and secondary school.

This ptsd means that I am terrible at trusting people and am almost never vulnerable in front of others. Even my closest friends I find hard to trust and I often find myself wondering when those closest to me will realise their mistake in associating with me.

This is particularly acute when I get romantically involved with someone. It's hard to explain the extent to which this affects my relationships but some examples would be that I cannot sleep next to someone because I find I can't relax and similarly I don't cry in front of people. I was with my previous boyfriend for about a year and a half and I only cried in front of him once and that was only because he happened to witness me have a panic attack. So yeah, relationships are very difficult for me to maintain because I just can't be vulnerable with people not to mention the sexual issues my anxiety has also decided to bless me with.

Anyway, I just thought I'd like to discuss it on here because so often studyblrs focus on pretty notes and getting the grades but the majority of my university experience has been about me developing as a person so that's what I want to convey because that's just as productive as getting a 1st in an exam.

[studysloththeblanketburrito]

Day 16/100 days of productivity

I spent most of today taking a long walk around Bath with my two best friends which was just blissful.

We started off going on a search for all the crescents we could find but kind of ended up just meandering through all the little streets and right up to sion hill.

It's so easy to forget what a beautiful city we live in when you're stuck in you're room all day doing work so this was just a really lovely day if reflection for me.

I may not have been academically productive today but I was productive in terms of wellbeing which is really what matters.

[studysloththeblanketburrito]

Day 15/ 100 days of productivity

Today, as you can see, I have tried to cram as many vegetables into my body as possible because, surprise surprise, I am ill once again. I blame my unnatural levels of stress because I swear I spend more time ill than well at this point.

Admittedly it's something I should probably get checked out but what kind of young student would I be if I actually had the time to deal with my innumerable issues? The government has already said fuck the youth's mental health, we what them to do our bidding not have a good time so I figure society is kind of against me getting my shit together anyway.

Did about 6 hours of work in my new censorship essay as well as fitting in some time to do my reading for the seminar I have for my immigration module tomorrow afternoon. Feeling drained but also on track to finish the essay a couple of days early which is nice.

[studysloththeblanketburrito]

Day 14/100 days of productivity

Currently on a 20-day streak with French on duolingo and feeling pretty proud but also awaiting the inevitable moment where I completely destroy that streak by accident. It surely can't be long now.

I'm home for a few days before the final push this year so today I tried to fit in a bit of note taking for my upcoming exam revision which was mindnumbing to say the least. Why is it that core texts for history always seem to be so dry, would it kill them to make the bloody things at least mildly readable?

[studysloththeblanketburrito]

Day 13/ 100 days of productivity

I know I've been on hiatus for at least 3 weeks but I just got deep into the painful world of stress and couldn't escape so I've just been desperately trying to get assignments done and now I'm finally out the other side of the shit storm.

Today the choir and I finished our final rehearsal before the summer concert which is our last musical events of the year. One of our beloved members is leaving us and were so sad to see her go; I felt like I was only just getting to know her so Im quite sad about it. The rehearsal went brilliantly though so we're all excited for the big night.

We're hoping to sing outside in the uni amphitheatre but there's been several warnings of rain so we may not get to. Either way it's going to be great. No set list involving a killer abba medley could go wrong.

I also found out today that I have got myself the role of treasurer which is really exciting. I can't believe I'm going to be in two committees next year! It's going to be quite a bit of work but so worth it for the cv and the experience.

[studysloththeblanketburrito]

Day 12/ 100 days of productivity

Today I volunteered for my usual 4 hour shift at No.1 Royal Crescent and, joy of joys, I was allocated the elusive lady's bedroom.

This is my favourite room to guide because there's just so much brilliant stuff to talk about but I never seem to be allocated it which seems fishy to me. Some of the old ladies must be getting to choose which rooms they guide while I'm here wishing and waiting to be put in the lady's bedroom.

There's supposed to be a rota so that you're in a different room every week but I seem to be constantly in the parlour so I can't say the rota is particularly effective.

To be wholly honest though I'm just glad I haven't been put in the kitchen or the gentleman's bedroom almost ever because those two rooms are a nightmare to guide for me. They're the last two rooms you see so by that point you're saturated with knowledge anyway so you don't care and don't want to ask questions of the guides and even when you do there's not a great deal of information to be shared that people actually want to hear.

Nothing much can be said of the gentleman's bedroom because it wasn't used for much except sleeping and the kitchen has an inordinate amount of items used for cooking but nobody cares about spinach mashers and sugar snips or about the deep history of slavery in which the Georgian world was embedded and which provided the sugar for said snipping. It's a subject people tend to find too uncomfortable especially at the very end of a tour.

Anyway, after a fab few hours of volunteering I came home and kind of just chilled for the rest of the day so not a particularly productive day in terms of academics but oh well, I needed the rest.

[studysloththeblanketburrito]

Day 11/ 100 days of productivity

Finally finished my censorship essay today and freedom does not describe the sensation I am currently feeling! Only 4 more assignments to go before the exam ushers in the joys of the summer holidays. Next stop: immigration essay.

The work. Never. Ends.

[studysloththeblanketburrito]

Oi oi she's back for day 10/ 100 days of productivity!

Finally finished my test and can't be bothered to catch you up on the days I missed out because they were obviously just so productive that I took no photos 😉

Did some work in the library with chums today which was a laugh. I've really needed a good laugh recently, I've been so stressed. If I'm wholly honest I probably get too stressed but I just struggle to reduce it and chill out. I actually currently have eczema on my eyelids and in the creases under my eyes because of stress which I'm enjoying oh so much. Someday I'll learn how to cope with stress... maybe... hopefully.

You can also see my Manjit Thapp studies that I did during my core lecture because it was 2 hours of one of our most boring lecturer essentially just regurgitating the stuff that was in the reading so there was no point in paying attention. Thus, I doodled.

Anyway after the library sesh I went for a very peaceful walk with my housemates in the botanic gardens which was great fun and helped me feel more centred.

I'm struggling a little with living in Bath just because although you're not far from green spaces it's not quite the same as home where you can walk for 3 minutes and be in a field. I miss that feeling of being wholly surrounded by nature. Campus is kind of like that but I'm rarely there unless it's for class because it's quite a drive so I'm severely lacking in time in green spaces where I can't actually hear the road.

[studysloththeblanketburrito]

Got myself a new plant that has been christened Julian and he's the love of my life! He really brightens up my bedside table which is exactly what I wanted.

Currently on hiatus from posting my productivity journey because I'm so stressed at the moment that I keep forgetting to take photos. I'll be back in a week though!

[studysloththeblanketburrito]

Day 9/ 100 days of productivity

Had an amazing trip to Swindon archives today for several hours and honestly I'd have happily stayed all day!!

We were given a backstage tour of their strongbox rooms and I honestly can't describe how awe inspiring it was. The sheer amount of documents they had there was mind boggling and the smell was heavenly. They only really hold written record as opposed to material culture so the strongbox rooms smelt of old books and it was pure bliss.

Towards the end of the tour we were shown several documents of various ages and I was just so inspired.

One of the documents I looked at with my friend George was a book of records from a mental hospital that was over 100 years old and it was so cool. There were some really interesting and emotive stories in amongst all the daily records of people's lives and in some cases the patient had been cured and the hospital had saved the letter that the patient had written to let the doctors know how they were getting on which was so sweet and so lovely to read. Honestly the amount f times I nearly cried with a whole variety of different emotions during the whole tour was ridiculous.

The trip has really made me excited to get on and plan my dissertation and the archive trips that I'll need to make in order to gather all of my source material!

[studysloththeblanketburrito]

Day 8/ 100 days of productivity

Mainly did essay research today but also created lots of fb posts to remind people about upcoming rock climbing society events that I've scheduled to post themselves over the course of the next 3 months so feeling pretty good. Also had another rock climbing committee meeting which was pretty productive. Not sure how I felt about the outfit choice but I basically didn't see civilisation today so whatevs.

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Day 7/100 days of productivity

First I would ask that you forgive my stupid pose in the first photo, I don't know what I was thinking 😂

Today I had planned to go to the library for a few hours in the morning but after a restless night I didn't get up early enough to justify it. I did still manage an hour or so of work before I had to cram in some lunch and head to uni for a choir rehearsal/taster session for some newbies.

The session went brilliantly and I might be going for a place on the committee if I get the confidence to do it. Or, more realisticly, if I have the time to be on 2 committees.

Potentially I'll post the video of the results of the session on here if I remember to.

Once I got home I did some more essay research for half an hour and since then I've been scheduling a million fb posts to remind people about upcoming rock climbing events in the next 2 and a bit months.

I've also messaged the president of the rock climbing society from the university that we had a social with recently to ask if his society would be interested in organising for us to have a social every month. All in all I'm feeling very accomplished and maybe even a little smug 😏

[studysloththeblanketburrito]

Day 6/100 days of productivity.

Please excuse the fact that the photo of the laptop is on its side. If I'm honest I'm too lazy to go to the effort of editing it 😂

Today I did some more essay research, mainly focussing on taking notes from an article about blasphemy in the UK in the 70s. Let me tell you now there was some weird stuff making the rounds. E.g. in Gay News magazine they printed a poem called The Love That Dared To Speak Its Name that essentially describes in a great deal of detail the sexual fantasies that a Roman centurion has about Jesus as he takes his corpse off the cross. Look it up man, it's a strange one.

The pic of me dressed like a monochrome toddler is the outfit I wore to a date that I had with a guy from our rival uni but I wanted to share it because I felt cute as hell.

Binge-listened to the My Favourite Murder podcast while getting ready and I always forget just how much I love it. Feel like I should be worried by the fact that I find a podcast about brutal murders uplifting but that's just who I am, man!

[studysloththeblanketburrito]

You know when you kind of know the message already but when you finally see a jumble of words in the right order something suddenly clicks in your brain and it's like the message is there afresh and finalised? It's a realisation that the idea of the message portrayed by those words that you'd had in your mind before was nought but a ghost and that now that message has arrived, in flesh and blood and its heart beats and it's blood sings with the promise of change. And then, before your eyes, the world shifts as though its mechanism has clicked easily into place after many failed attempts to move it, break it, pick it apart. That's how I felt reading this.

I wish everyone would wake up and realize that your idealized self is simply your current self but with drive. The person you want to be is you if you put in the work! Like, life is ultimately up to us and we can change ourselves whenever we want! Make plans to do better for yourself, speak it into fruition, and work for it.

[studysloththeblanketburrito]

Day 5/100 days of productivity

Feeling hella floral this morning and very happy with my outfit!

Managed to drag myself out into the rain and made the long journey to the university library. Ah such sanctuary. I love the library so much!

Got about 3 and half hours of work done before my eyes began to bleed but feeling positive about the direction my essay research is taking.

Also got some fb posts sorted for the rock climbing society so I'm feeling great about the day.

[studysloththeblanketburrito]

Day 4/100 days of productivity

Oh wow look at that, it's the same old desk setup as day 1. How depressing.

Feeling pretty claustrophobic studying in my room for so long so feel like I probably need to get out of the house and change scenery. However, knowing me, I won't do that because I'm a lazy piece of shit. Either way I'll aim high and aim to get out to maybe the library or something.

In other productivity news I got a hell of a lot of washing done today and booked a doctor's appointment so I'm feeling accomplished in the adulting department which is rare.

Listening to one of my fave podcasts, My Favourite Murder, and definitely not emailing in with a hometown murder instead of doing real work for the last half hour.