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ficsforeren · 2 years

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Tainted: Delirium

Pairing: Eren Jaeger X Female Reader

Genre: Secret Agents/Assassins AU, Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU, Smut, Romance, Strangers-to-Lovers-to-Enemies

Summary: You have been married to your husband for six years where you both kept secrets from each other. Little did you know that your husband was an undercover agent just like you, ordered to take your life within two days.

Warnings: unprotected sex, bondage, choking, biting, daddy kink, blow job, cunnilingus, spanking, swearing, slight exhibitionism

Word Count: 12k

Sequel to Tainted: Euphoria but can be read separately since this is pretty much just sex

Poster art by @/kisstilludrop on Twitter

You woke up the next morning on an empty bed, your bedsheet all crumpled and stained by the shade of your lipstick and the alluring woody scent of Eren’s perfume. The bitter taste of the alcohol you’d consumed still lingered thickly on your tongue, your lips bruised by his kisses, your skin marked possessively by his teeth. You were lying on your stomach, your arm stretched out to notice that there was not a trace of his warmth remaining on the other half of your bed.

What did you expect, exactly? Did you wish for him to stay? Did you want him to wake you up with a kiss on your shoulder as a lover would do? You almost laughed. How naive of you to even think that way. This was how one night stands were supposed to work. A handsome stranger like him wouldn’t care enough to stay for another hour after he got what he wanted. It was mortifying how you felt a pang of disappointment rising in your chest, how your lips still yearned for another taste of his. One night should be enough, shouldn’t it?

You sat up on the bed, holding the fabric of your quilt against the front of your bare chest.

“This is stupid.”

“What is?”

A voice–his voice–suddenly rang through your hearing. Elevating your face, your gaze drifted instantly toward the source, catching the sight of him walking through the door frame. “I hope you weren’t talking about me.” He closed the door behind him with the back of his foot, his hand holding up a food tray. His voice was light and airy, oozing with charm and coated with a hint of mischief. It felt almost uncanny in your ears as you had grown more familiar with how deep and husky it was when he growled and panted your name with his teeth grinding against your neck last night.

You were stunned, your lips parted, words unspoken. You wanted him to stay but the second you saw him step closer, it felt surreal, almost like a dream. Unlike you who was still nude, Eren was dressed handsomely in a pair of black jeans and a light blue denim shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His top three buttons were unfastened, showcasing a glimpse of a sculpted chest, and if he had unbuttoned it a few inches lower, the love bites you’d left on his chest would’ve been put on display. His hair—the same long, dark locks that were tangled and twisted around your fingers the night before—was tied up in a bun. He was so effortlessly sexy. The kind of allure and beauty that even the deities would pause to marvel at. “Take a picture, Sweetheart, it’d last longer,” he smirked, shifting closer, the smell of aftershave and the same expensive perfume gyrated in the air.

Eren settled the tray on the bed, a whiff of freshly made pancakes tickled your nose. There were poached eggs lathered with hollandaise sauce on another plate, some sliced fruits, and toasts. A few frangipani flowers were placed on the sides of the tray, giving it a tropical touch. “I just thought that you…” you trailed off, watching him take one of the flowers from the container.

“That I left you?” Eren stroked your hair, pushing your strands behind your ear before he added the flower to enhance your beauty. His smile was lopsided, giving you a peek of perfect marbled teeth. “Well, usually, that’s what I would do, but…” He tarried, knowing that he had you dancing on the palm of his hand.

You were begging him with your eyes, urging him to finish his sentence. Once you realized that, you regained control of your face, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. If he wanted to see you beg for another touch of his hand, you could just torture him the same way.

You took a cherry off the plate, holding it between your pointer finger and thumb as you laid yourself down on the bed. “But what?” You asked him, the cherry resting between your front teeth, your mouth parted slightly in a tantalizing smile. You released your hold from the duvet, your legs sliding against the sheets. The fabric slipped down your porcelain skin. Your breasts were half-exposed, giving him just a peek of your hardened nipples.

Fuck, Eren thought, hungry eyes not so secretly examining every little inch of your body that you offered to his eyes. Now that the sun was out, your skin had an exotic glow to it. He could see the angry marks he left on your soft mounds and neck, but instead of giving him the sense of achievement he wanted, it only left him craving for more.

“Take a picture, Sweetheart, it’d last longer,” you threw his words back at him, morphing your pretty smile into an elfin grin.

Eren snorted. “How about I just take a video of you?”

“With your tongue inside me? Yes, please.” You rolled the cherry between your teeth, relishing the sweetness of it as the flavor exploded in your mouth. You seemed so obscene in his eyes. Even the slightest glimpse of your tongue made his thoughts wander. “What’s wrong, Stranger? You seem distracted.”

Eren returned his gaze to your face, his jaw clenched tight as he tried to fight back the temptation. You were playing his game, and you knew how to beat him at it. Normally, he would hate to lose; his ego wouldn’t let him. Answering your question would be the same as admitting his defeat but he didn’t care. He knew you wanted him just as much as he wanted you, but something told him that you could play this game all day long if you had to. And Eren didn’t have the patience to wait for even a second longer.

So he tossed the tray off the bed with one swipe of his hand, not giving a damn that he just broke all the plates when they crashed against the marbled floor. He pried the blanket off your body and pulled you down by the legs. You giggled, squealing when you felt his mouth on your neck, the rough fabric of his jeans grazing against your sensitive zone. “You’re such a fucking tease,” he murmured against your ear, the perilous hint in his voice returned. “Thought I’d taught you a lesson last night.” He had one hand gliding up your thigh, kneading on your ass cheek while his other one pinned your wrist against the sheets, right above your head.

It was thrilling to be handled roughly like this. Most men would be deceived by your delicate appearance, treating you like glass no matter how much you permitted them to push you to the limit. But not Eren. “If there’s anything I learned about you,” you paused to grind your knee against his crotch, feeling him hardening fast even with the slightest friction. “Is that you like it better when I put up a fight.”

“Is that so?” He slanted his lips over yours, a moment before his tongue slipped inside to explore the recesses of your mouth. You tasted like cherry, but in a few minutes, you would just taste like him. Eren would make sure of that. When he broke away, his free hand found your breast, thumb brushing against your sensitive bud. “What else have you learned about me?”

The touches he bestowed on your body were salacious enough for your heartbeat to quicken. But you kept your face unfazed, your titillating smile perched on your lips like usual. “That you think you’re always in control,” you said. “That you could command me as you please and I’d say yes to your wishes.”

“And am I wrong?” His devilish smirk resurfaced. “You seemed pretty docile to me last night when you had my dick in your mouth.”

“Only because I let you.” Your grin was just as wicked as it was sinful. “If you think having your fingers around my throat would send me into submission, you better think again, Daddy.”

Eren’s eyes glazed in a new light, the mockery at the end of your sentence riled him up exactly the way you wanted. You loved how cocky and confident he was, but just like him, you loved it even more when you managed to strip all of that away from him.

He scoffed, gazing down at you. “Let’s see if you can still run your mouth after this.”

He flipped you around, slamming your face down against the pillow while he forced you to stick your lower half in the air. You were on your knees, your body pinned down by the hand that he placed on the center of your shoulder blades. His mouth was hot and eager as he licked the length of you from behind, fingers spreading your folds and ass cheeks at the same time until he could see the way your holes were twitching. Last night, he was exploring, listening to the sounds you made, using those keys as a road map, and enjoying every step of the journey. He was patient, eager to please you. Right now, he was anything but.

Ah, fuck, he’s so good. A wanton moan nearly escaped you as he ate you out, brushing his tongue against your hot entrance before he fucked you with it. “I can’t believe you just threw our breakfast away,” you said, trying to sound collected even when you were gripping tightly against the sheets, your nails turning white. Eren’s tongue moved between your folds, lapping up from your clit to your end, rubbing the sensitive spot on your pussy wall in circles.

“I’m having my breakfast right here.” He took a long swipe, flattening his tongue against the swell of flesh, savoring your essence before he moved up to tease your rim.

“W-wait–” You clawed against the bed, feeling ashamed when you felt him switching from one hole to another. It had been a while since you had someone do this to you, let alone a stranger. “That’s–”

“Don’t move.” He sank his nails deep into your hips, spreading you open wider. “Not until I’m finished with you.” You could feel his growl on your skin, a nice vibration that sent tingles to every nerve. His tongue flicked across the tight ring of your ass before he shifted down and licked the juices that flowed from your arousal, drinking them all up and moaning at the taste. Hot spears of agonizing need tore at him, driving him to taste as much of your wet flesh as he could. Your breath sharpened, your lip bitten hard to contain your moan. Eren loved it. He loved the way he could reduce you to a whimpering mess just by fucking you with his tongue.

“Come on, baby,” he sneered as he stood on his knees, his palm smacking against your behind before he spat onto your hole and plunged two fingers deep inside your sopping cunt. “Talk back to me. I thought you wanted to put up a fight.”

You couldn’t even think let alone form a witty retort. You were biting on your pillow as his fingers fucked into you faster. He scissored them inside, crooked them in a way that made you feel like your body was being remolded. Your pleasure was building up fast and you couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a pathetic whine as you squirted all over his fingers.

“Ah, fuck, such a waste,” he chuckled, taking out his fingers as your body still convulsed from ecstasy. He stuffed his fingers inside his mouth, his tongue circling around his digits to taste your cum. “Would’ve loved to have you squirt on my face.”

You were breathing hard, your knees felt weak underneath you. “That can be arranged,” you sighed, utterly spent. “You still want your breakfast, Ren?” You rolled yourself onto your back, spreading your legs until every bit of you was exposed. “Or is that all you got?” You caught his attention, his gaze piercing as he stared at your movement. Your center was glistening with your juices and his saliva, smearing all the way down to your thighs. “I don’t know about you, but…” You slid your fingers down your body to your heat, driving two fingers inside you to scoop up your slick. You brought them into your mouth, tasting yourself and putting on a show just to tug on his patience. “I’m still starving.”

His cock was straining against his jeans, desperate to feel your walls clenching around him again. “Don’t worry, baby. You’ll get your breakfast in a minute.”

Your mouth twitched up in a condescending smirk. “You think you can finish this in a minute?”

“I can guarantee you will.”

You nibbled on your lower lip, a seductive minx to his eyes. “Come here then,” you told him, parting your pussy’s lips as wide as you could with your fingers, purposely clenching your hole around nothing to rile him up. “Remind me again just how good you fucked me last night.”

He wanted to act haughty about it, but he was just as desperate. You hooked your ankles around his hips as he settled in between, waiting for him to work on his belt. You continued playing with your clit as you toyed with your nipple at the same time, pinching and squeezing with your other hand. Eren took a sharp breath at the sight, his hands moving impatiently as he struggled with his zipper.

“Take your time, Stranger.” Your giggles were muffled harshly by his kiss but you could feel his lips smirking.

“Shut up,” he muttered in amusement, rubbing the tip of his cock against your entrance. “I want to fuck you raw this time. Can I?”

“Mmm–no,” you moaned, arching your back to taste the friction of his member grazing against your sensitive bud. His condom was in his bag, three meters away from your bed, which meant he had to break away from you, jumped back to his feet and—

Oh, fuck it.

You spread your legs wider, guiding his tip to your entrance. When he hesitated, you raised your hips and he groaned. He stretched you out, painful and satisfying at the same time. “Thought you said I couldn’t,” he chuckled the second he was throbbing inside, his hips moving quickly to hit the deepest part inside you.

You tangled your heels around his lower back, your hands ripping the buttons off his shirt. “Now I’m saying you could fuck me as hard as you want.”

His shirt slid off his shoulders, pooling on his elbows. “Well,” the muscles on his back rippled as he pushed your thighs forward, bringing your legs over his shoulders and folding your body in half. He grabbed tightly onto your waist, his devilish smirk intact. “If my queen says so.”

You cried out his name, startled by his sudden thrust. Eren pulsed deep inside you, not stopping even when you writhed beneath him. His cock was deeply wedged in your tight depths, drawing his hips back and letting go with no mercy. “Oh my God.” You couldn’t help but let the words slip out your mouth.

“Feels good, Sweetheart?”

So fucking good, you wanted to scream out but he already sounded so cocky even before he heard your answer. As he pounded into you mercilessly, you tried to match his thrusts, raising your leg higher, and hooking your fingers around his silver necklace to yank him down for a kiss. “Ah, I’m gonna cum,” you gasped out against his mouth. “I want to–fuck, Eren, let me ride you–”

“Later.” He slapped a hand across your mouth, pushing you down until your skull was glued to your pillow. He robbed you of your options, not letting you take control and you could only scream against the lines of his palm, your muscles tightening at your impending release. “You wanna cum?” he panted, picking up his pace, going even rougher than before. “Come on, baby, cum on my fucking cock.”

Your blood pounded in your ears, his skin smacking hard against yours as he fucked the breath out of your lungs. Your nails scraped his chest, your back arching, signaling your release.

“Ah, shit, you’re cumming–” He moaned, throwing his head back in rapture. “Your pussy feels so good, baby, fuck.” He removed his hand from your face only to smash his mouth against yours, tongue mingling in a sloppy dance. As the roar of climax surfaced, gripping him, milking his cock, Eren tensed above you, sinking into your tight wetness one last time before he pulled out completely.

“Open up,” he commanded, pumping his dick fast with one hand as he moved up your body, trapping your chest between his thighs. You were just beginning to part your lips when he drove his cock inside, his fingers clutching against your strands to keep your head in place. “Gonna cum down your throat,” he warned, fucking your mouth a few times before he groaned, hot seeds spurting out of his tip and streaming down your throat.

Your eyes were misted by your tears, struggling to breathe as you willed yourself not to gag around him. He kept you close, the tip of your nose pressing against his pelvis as he grunted out your name. He was hot and heavy in your mouth, spasming with every bit of his release. “Mmm, baby, you’re so good,” he muttered deliriously, riding the wave of his orgasm by slowly rocking his hips against your mouth. He turned limp inside you, slipping away from your lips once his muscles started to unwind. “Let me see it,” he said and you opened your mouth. A thick layer of white semen still coated your tongue but the rest of it was swallowed. He smirked, stroking your cheek as a reward. His thumb was resting against the corner of your mouth when he asked, “How’s your breakfast, Sweetheart?”

Maintaining eye contact, you closed your lips around his tip, sucking every drop before you let your tongue move obscenely against his slit. You pulled away, your tongue tracing the shape of your lip before you mirrored the vanity of his smile.

“Delicious.”

***

“Spend the day with me.”

Your hands stopped mid-air, your strands still damp with hot water as you tried to dry them with a towel. You were standing in front of a tall mirror, dressed in nothing but your lace lingerie, its color complimenting your skin. From his reflection, you could see how Eren was perched on the edge of the bed with his elbows propped on his thighs, making a steeple of his fingers. After how vigorous and dominating he was with you an hour ago, the sight of him looking somewhat uncertain of his own words made you frown.

Because, truth was, Eren was also asking himself what the fuck am I doing? He had never done this—never asked a girl out on a date, never even thought about doing so, especially after he had sex with them. Twice. He'd never wanted to spend a second with them, but right now, as he watched you put your earrings back on, with the sunlight illuminating every curve, every mole, every beauty that blessed your body, he felt like he wanted to stay with you for eternity.

And the thought made him blush, made his stomach twist in discomfort, made his brain turn haywire. He felt repulsed by the thought but he couldn’t deny that it was real. He wanted you, more than what you already gave him. He wanted your attention, your company, wanted to see your other expressions, wanted to learn if there was a bashful side of you–or any side of you, really. He wanted to know the secrets behind your smile, the dreams you dreamt at night, the glimmer in your eyes—all of them.

“Let’s get some breakfast together or something,” he offered, keeping his face nonchalant.

You surveyed his reflection in the mirror with a coy smile. “I thought you’d had your breakfast.”

“Well, I’m still hungry.” But with the way his eyes ran down your body, lingering a little too long at the dip of your waist where he sank his nails deep just a few minutes ago, you knew he was craving something else. “Let me take you out on a date.”

“Oh?” You tossed your hair over your shoulder, bending down to collect your dress off the floor. “That’s a surprise.” You sent him a sly grin. “Do you do this with all your one night stands?”

He mimicked your expression. “Only with the pretty ones.”

“Hmm, smooth. Can’t, though. I’m supposed to fly back home tonight.”

“Change it. We can fly back together tomorrow.”

“I have work tomorrow.”

“Take a day off then.”

You scrunched up your nose. “Are you always this demanding?”

“Part of my charm.” He stood up from his seat, making his way to you and closing the little gap that separated you. Embracing you from behind, he snatched your dress away and threw it haphazardly to the floor.

“Stay,” he said, firm and gentle at the same time. It sounded less like a request and more of a command. Landing his chin on your shoulder, Eren wound his strong arms around you, just below your breasts. His eyes found yours in the mirror, almost glowing underneath the light. They were stunning, his eyes, deep as the bottomless sea, wild like a cornered wolf.

His mouth found a sweet spot at the juncture of your neck, hot tongue pressing against your pulsating vein. Smiling, you inclined your head to the side, letting him taste the scent of jasmine soap that veneered your skin. “And why should I?”

“Because I want you to.” He let out a little breathy moan as he took the shell of your ear between his lips.

“Hmm.” You leaned your entire weight against his chest, resting your hands above his. “Tempting, but not good enough.”

You were going to make him beg for it and he knew it. “Because you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he whispered. You felt his fingers raking against your stomach all the way to the curve of your waist. “And I can make you feel even more beautiful if you stay.”

It wasn’t just the words he said. It was the way he said it that got to your heart, awakening the butterflies inside your stomach. “Like I said,” you wetted your lip, your head falling to his shoulder. “I’ve got a flight to catch.”

Through the mirror you could see the way he moved his right hand on your body, gliding against your bare skin like an artist painting colors on a canvas. He dragged it up from your stomach to the valley between your breasts, stopping right in front of your throat. He spread his palm, calloused fingertips dancing with the pulsating veins on the side of your neck.

“I’m a pretty determined man.” He kissed the skin below your ear, murmuring the words. His fingers closed around your throat, lightly at first, but once he noticed you were swallowing your breath, he couldn’t handle the temptation. “I have to get what I want.” He pressed harder, not enough to choke you, but enough to make your heart jolt at the contact. Eren locked your gaze with him in the mirror, lighting your body on fire with the intensity of it. You reacted instinctively, body arching for more. “I won’t back down until I have it.”

It wasn’t your first time having a hand wrapped around your throat, nor the second or the third, but anyone who did it would end up with a blade piercing through their neck, a moment before they laid lifelessly under your boot, eyes wide open. It was easy for you to break free from Eren’s grip, you were certain of it, but why would you? His touch made your blood boil. His touch was like methamphetamines flowing through your system. And it was arousing to see yourself looking so defenseless and frail in his arms, as if you were his slave, begging for his mercy.

Eren squeezed your breast with his other palm, causing you to moan. His lips were brushing against your ear again. “Sshhh.” He was watching you closely from the mirror, emerald eyes entranced by how sultry you looked. His hand was strong, large enough to hold the front of your throat, and grazed your lower lip with his thumb at the same time. He dragged it down, forcing you to part your lips with it. You obeyed, letting him rub the pad of his digit against your tongue before you closed your mouth prettily around it.

“You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever been with,” he said, his eyes drooping at the sight of you treating his finger like how you treated his cock. Saliva pooled in your mouth, dribbling down your chin. “Having you for one night isn’t enough for me.”

He could crush your windpipe in a heartbeat if he wanted to. You were just another girl, another life he could take if he was ordered to do it. You were beautiful, so goddamn beautiful, but he knew there was something else that captivated him. But what is it, he wondered. Why do I find you so enticing?

His patience was growing thin. “Stay,” Eren ensnared you once again, making your skin crawl with excitement both from his words and the little growl that reverberated from the back of his throat. “Stay and I’ll fuck you like you’ve never been fucked in your life. I’ll fuck you backward, and forward—I’ll fuck you upside down if that’s what you want. I’ll fuck you long and hard, nice and slow. I want to make you cum so hard, you’ll scream my name in languages you didn’t know existed.”

I want to wreck you apart. I want to ruin your pretty face until you couldn’t live without me.

He was a devil, wasn’t he? A handsome incubus who lured you in with his charm. And you trusted him. If there was one thing he was good at, it was how he pleasured you in bed. It felt so right and so wrong to be in his arms like this. Eren was a passionate lover but his eyes didn’t speak the language of love, nor did his mouth. He praised you with filthy words, he stared at you with nothing but lust in his eyes. Was that the reason why you liked it? Because you knew this was just physical attraction and nothing more? That this was all just a game, and you could play as long as you wanted—as hard as you wanted—before you finally got bored and threw each other away? One thing you knew for sure right now was how exhilarating it was to be this wanted by someone as attractive as him. You didn’t want it to end. At least, not now.

Your hand moved to his wrist, holding him down before he added even more pressure and choked you further with his fingers. A strained whimper broke free from your lips and he released you from his grip, soothing the pain on your neck with tender kisses on your shoulder. He chuckled lightly to himself, watching your chest heave up and down as you returned the air to your lungs. He grabbed onto your hand, guided it to your chest, and pressed your palm against your heart. You could feel it racing, could hear the beat in your ears, loud and fast.

“Thrilling, isn’t it?” He cooed, grabbed your chin, and tilted your head, exposing more of your neck for his lips to ravish. He didn’t sink his teeth this time, only rewarding you with the lightest brush of his lips.

You swallowed, your fingers itching to soothe the aching on your throat. “What is?”

You could feel his sinful grin breaking on your skin. “Being with me.”

His confidence made him more alluring than anything else, but you were done playing games. “You think you have me under your spell?” You challenged him, surprising him with a smirk. You turned around, making him stiffen when you slid your hand under his shirt, nails scraping against his prominent v-lines. You weren’t being careful. You wanted him to find pleasure underneath the pain, just like he did to you. “You’re sure that it’s me who wants you,” your clouded gaze tantalized him, “And not the other way around?”

He tried to refrain himself from kissing you, wanting to see you become desperate for it, but he couldn’t, and you were right. It was the other way around. You had him in every way you wanted him. He grabbed the back of your head, bringing your face closer until his lips were smashed against yours. The way he moaned between kisses—as if your lips were the most wonderful thing he ever tasted—always left you a bit weak, stomach somersaulting in delight. “Why don’t we just agree,” he breathed out, bruising your lower lip with his teeth. “That we both want each other just as much?”

You stood on your tip-toes, leaning in for another kiss. He closed his eyes, lips parted and ready to take another taste of—

“Let’s go get breakfast,” you suddenly said, breaking the spell. You pressed two fingers against his lips, holding back your smirk when you saw him frown, startled and confused. “I’m going to go get dressed. Can you wait outside the room?”

He laughed once. “You’re not serious, are you?”

You smiled sweetly at him, taking his hand and leading him toward the door. Tapping his cheek, you said, “Be a good boy and wait for me.” You placed a chaste kiss on his lips. “I won’t be long.”

When you pushed him outside and closed the door behind you, Eren stood there on his feet, thinking, she’s fucking with my head.

And he liked it.

***

Eren didn’t believe in love. He believed in ecstasy, in lust, in the raw passion that ended after one or two rounds in bed. Being with you, even only for one night, was like a shot of adrenaline being pumped through his veins. You were addicting, and he was addicted to you. Like a man downing a bottle of gin after being sober for weeks, his craving for you was intense. No woman had ever satisfied him in the way that you did. He was fooling himself if he thought this was purely physical. Seeing you swallow his cum down your throat didn’t put an end to his curiosity. He wanted to do more, wanted to feel��more—to sense something beyond skin meeting skin. Eren wanted something invisible, something stronger, like a red thread of fate that connected your fingers.

You were so goddamn alluring to him. It was the way you carried yourself, graceful in your steps, mischief in your eyes, kindness on your lips, and temptation on your tongue. You were everything at once, everything he could never have. You answered his curiosity with more secrets, his devilish smirk with seduction. Arrogant and proud, that was how you looked in his eyes whenever you caught him stealing glances at you. You didn’t chase after him; he had to chase after you. You challenged him in his own game, and you were winning.

Eren wanted to tame you as much as he wanted you to tame him. But the more time he spent with you, the more he realized that you were still a child at heart. The little pout you made when you lost an argument. The little giggles that escaped you when he joked around, even when you’d tried your best not to laugh. Slowly, he learned that you had many sides he didn’t know just yet. The stark contrast made him dizzy. To him, you were the biggest mystery and he was only eager to unravel every bit of you until you were left bare and open, unable to stand on your own feet without him. Until you were the one who begged him to stay. Yes, he would love that. His ego would love that.

Eren didn’t want to admit it, but he could feel himself letting go around you. For once, he could forget the things that happened in his past, the sins he committed, the souls he robbed with his hands. He never felt any remorse, true, but it didn’t mean he could pretend everything was normal either. But with you, for once, he could act like he was just a boy his age, sharing summer love and summer kisses with a girl who was the embodiment of the sun itself. He felt younger, lighter, innocent.

You’re a fucking idiot, that’s what you are, he chastised himself, watching the way you tucked your hair behind your ear as you scanned your eyes along the menu. He marveled at the way you smiled at the waiter, the way you blinked your beautiful eyes—

“Eren, would you like some cream for your coffee?”

God, he fucking loved the way you called his name too. “No, thanks.”

“That would be all, thank you,” you said to the waiter before you returned your attention to him. “Can’t stop looking at me, can you, Stranger?” You teased him with a naughty twinkle in your eyes.

“Yeah,” he admitted with a smirk. “Just trying to remember how pretty you looked when you were riding me last night. Do you always do that?”

“Do what? Taking control in bed?” You landed your chin on your palm, elbow resting against the table. “Only with the pretty ones.”

The two days you spent with him were magical, but all magical things must end at some point. It was already a miracle that you both came from the same country and lived in the same city, but it was just a summer fling, wasn’t it? There was no future in your relationship, no commitment and you both knew that.

And yet, when Eren was about to part ways with you at the airport, he realized how you had seized his heart and made it yours; how his body still longed for you, no matter how many times they had made contact during your two days together. So when you kissed his cheek, bid him goodbye, and pivoted on your heels, he circled his fingers around your wrist before you could take another step. You turned around, eyebrows raised as your heart rate escalated.

With a sheepish smile—a striking difference from how he usually lured you with his smirk—Eren suggested, “How about we get some coffee first before we head home?”

You smiled, a form of perfection to his eyes. “Sure.”

***

Weeks had passed, and neither of you ever talked about your relationship status. It wasn’t important, anyway. But what started as a strictly physical bond, became so much more the second you opened up about your childhood days followed by him disclosing his recurring dreams and nightmares. Personal things were shared, intimate memories were told and the wall that separated you from him began to crumble.

Despite how talkative he was, Eren could listen when you needed him to. He wouldn’t give you any advice because he knew you were capable of figuring everything out on your own, but he would embrace you tightly to his chest with his lips grazing against your fringe, his fingers playing with your strands. And if you wanted him to say something, he would pepper delicate kisses on your body with every praise he gave you, starting from your forehead, your cheek, your lips, and your jaw, whispering, “You’re the smartest, strongest, most resilient woman I know. You’ll get through this. But if you feel like you’re tired of their shits, give me a call. I’ll finish them for you.”

You laughed. You thought he was joking.

The hardest part of being an undercover assassin was you had to travel most of the time for your work. Your target could be walking in another city, living in a different country, or speaking a different language and you just couldn’t afford to be distracted. So whenever you got the chance to meet him, you’d try to satisfy your needs—mostly, physical—as best as you could. Lucky for you, he was only eager to comply.

Hovering above you, nude except for the silver necklace hanging around his neck and the jeans that were hanging low on his hips, Eren took a detailed look at your wrist. The lighting in your room wasn’t bright enough for him to examine the bruises blooming on your skin, but the way his eyes narrowed, accompanied by a frown, told you that he knew it wasn’t just a simple injury.

“Who did this to you?” His choice of words startled you. He didn’t ask what or how—he straightforwardly asked who, confident that it was done by someone and not merely a result of an accident. Shivers ran down your spine. The truth was, you were wounded during your last mission when you tried to infiltrate the enemy’s base by getting caught on purpose. At one point, you were restrained to a pole with ropes tied firmly along your wrists, hence the bruises. But there was no way you could be honest.

“I tripped and accidentally twisted my wrist,” you lied, moving your hips to distract him. He was still sheathed deep inside you, his cock slightly twitching in response, but he held you securely by the waist to keep your body still.

“Did someone hurt you?” His voice was deep as it reverberated through the air, and you grew rigid once you noticed how his previously laid-back demeanor suddenly turned solemn, almost dangerous even as if he was facing a threat. “Who is it? Tell me his name.”

He was smarter than you’d expected. Way smarter. “I was tied up.”

“By who?”

The way he strictly sought revenge at the thought of someone hurting you was both arousing and frightening at the same time. You knew how protective he was over the things he owned. You just didn’t realize you were one of them.

“By this cute guy I met at a club,” you said, smiling coquettishly at him. “‘Cause I asked him to.”

His grip around your wrist loosened a little bit, his lips parted in surprise. “What?”

“It’s not like we’re officially dating or anything,” you taunted him, clenching your walls around him on purpose. “Are we?”

Eren’s eyes were almost gleaming at that point, staring down at you so coldly at first before he broke into a smirk.

“Not official, huh?” The way he suddenly flipped you over to your stomach stole a giggle out of your mouth. “Get on your knees.”

He smacked your behind, shutting you up with the stinging pain of his palm meeting your skin. He was angry, you knew it, and you were grateful that you were facing the headboard as you could feel your smirk creeping up your face.

“He tied you up with a rope, did he?” He held your ass in the air, his nails painting half-moons into the skin of your hips as he forcefully thrust inside, slamming his entire length in one motion. “I wasn’t aware you were into that.” He gathered your hair in a messy ponytail, tugging you back harshly with one hand until you had no other choice but to stare dazedly at the ceiling. Eren was tempestuous in nature. You knew that from the very first night he laid his hands on you. Tonight, he was ten times worse, borderline brutal. He was forceful and ruthless, and you enjoyed every second of it.

You didn’t hold back your moans, knowing he wouldn’t want you to anyway. Your voice would most likely be hoarse tomorrow and that would be awful since you had a meeting scheduled for the next morning, but you couldn’t care. It was easier to let go than to hold back. Eren was hitting you at the right spot, fucking you at the right pace, at the perfect angle.

“Tying you up with a rope is a bit much, don’t you think?” He breathed out, pounding into you hard and fast, his hand sliding down your stomach to rub his fingers against your clit. “If it was me, I would’ve just used my belt.”

“Then—” Your breathing began to stutter, matching the snap of his hips. “What’s stopping you? Ah–”

“I want to hear you ask for it first.” You were astonished by how thoughtful he was. “And force you to beg for it afterward.” You took your words back. He was a fucking tease, after all.

You fisted the sheet beneath you, desperate to keep a hold on something as you gasped out his name. “I want it,” you choked out.

”What was it, baby?” He leaned forward, his pendant grazing the dip of your spine, cold steel pressed against hot skin. Despite his question, he did not slow down his pace, continuously fucking you like a beast in heat. “Want me to tie you up?” You nodded in response, biting your lip. He used your hair as leverage, tugging on your roots as he slithered one hand to the front of your neck. You moaned from the pain, eyes closed shut. “Say it.” His voice was right next to your ear, breathy and deep. “Like I said, I want you to beg for it.”

“I want you to tie me up,” you panted, feeling yourself being stretched out, filled up, and wrecked apart in ways you didn’t know possible. “Want you to take control of me.”

He hummed, smirking against your earlobe. “Now, say please.”

You opened your mouth, ready to vocalize the word, but he curled his long fingers tightly around your windpipe, choking you. “P-please.”

“Louder.” He tightened his grip.

“Please!”

He chuckled, slowly releasing his hold and you sucked air back into your burning lungs. “Good girl.” He stopped moving his hips for a moment, tilting your face to the side so he could brush his lips against yours. He kissed you, chaste yet firm, doing it so softly that it left you stupefied. “I’m gonna be so gentle with you, okay?”

But when he pulled away, sliding his cock out of you and shoved your head against the pillow, he was anything but. “Daddy’s gonna take care of you, Sweetheart.” He tossed you over to your back, your body bouncing once on the bed from how harsh he was being. Eren lifted you by your arms until your upper back was pressing against your headboard. He raised your hands in the air, yanked his belt out of his loops, and tied your wrists together to the headboard. You flinched from the pain. He was being rough, more than you’d expected him he would be.

He stood on his knees before you, trapping your body between his legs. Pushing his jeans down to his mid-thighs, he said, “Open up, baby,” with one hand holding his throbbing cock, smearing his pre-cum over your lips. You only parted them halfway when he pushed in, grunting lowly at the feeling of how hot your mouth felt around his length. He had his fingers resting on the side of your face, rewarding you with gentle caresses across your jaw. “Such a good girl,” Eren purred, chuckling lightly. “You take me in so well. Both your tight little cunt and your pretty mouth. Feels like they’re made for me.”

You took his cock into the velvety warmth of your mouth and he shoved it down your throat. You gagged around him, tears welled in your eyes. “Hold it in,” he told you, pushing your bangs with his fingers. “Now, look at me.” You lifted your face, your glassy eyes finding him in the dimness of your hotel room. Eren had his bottom lip between his teeth, pushing back your bangs and gripping tight on your hair as he fucked your mouth, slower in motion, but deeper than before. “Ah, baby,” his moan was a form of sin, sensuous in your ears. “You look the prettiest when you’re stuffed with my cock.”

You weren’t sure if it could be considered praise but your body reacted to it like it was. You let your jaw turn slack, your eyes were shut when he hit the back of your throat and Eren clicked his tongue. “No, baby,” he tugged on your strands again. “Look me in the eyes.” You obeyed, given no other choice. His smile returned. “That’s right. Now you keep your eyes on me, okay? Keep your eyes open as Daddy fucks your mouth. Close your eyes again and I won’t let you cum, you understand me?” You moaned around his length, sending vibrations to tighten the knots in his stomach.

You didn’t know how many seconds or minutes had passed by before he was satisfied. Your throat felt sore by the time he pulled away from you. You coughed, a tear slipped down to your cheek, and Eren, still kneeling in front of you, lifted your face and brushed his thumb to erase the tear stain. “Did I hurt you?” he asked.

You snorted. “Are you going to apologize if you did?”

He loved it when you fought back. “No,” he said, his smile conceited. “Spread your legs. I’m not done with you yet.” His cock was slapping against his abdomens before he aligned it toward your entrance. It was slick with your spit, sliding in almost too easily into your heat. He was the perfect fit. If you could, you would’ve spent every second of your life connected to him this way.

His thrusts were powerful and merciless. His grunts mixed with your restrained moans in the air. “Was he any good?” He slammed his hips once, pausing for your answer. You were distraught at first, wondering what the fuck he was talking about until you recalled your earlier conversation. When he saw you nodding, he thrust again, harder this time, sending you back until your skull hit the board. “Better than me?”

You were having the toughest time concentrating, couldn’t even breathe properly, let alone form a word. You were pushed against the headboard, your moans bounced off the walls.

He grabbed you by the neck again. “Answer me.”

You shakily nodded, wanting to rile him up even more, driving him to the brink and practically forcing him to give the best fuck of your life. And he did, exceeding even your wildest expectations. When he asked again, his lips were grazing against your ear. “You sure about that, Sweetheart?”

You couldn’t tell if more words were falling from his mouth because the rest of the world had faded into a blur. He was giving you the same amount of pain and pleasure from how he was frantically thrusting inside you, and it felt so new, so raw, that you started feeling lightheaded, drowning in ecstasy. You closed your eyes, stars sparkling behind your eyelids as your orgasm hit you like a wave, leaving you shaking and whimpering against the sheets.

Eren consumed your lips, teeth gnawing against soft flesh, tongue sliding against yours in a messy kiss. His hands were squeezing your thigh, bringing you closer so he could release inside you. “Where do you want me to cum?” He asked, a bit breathlessly from how erratic he was ramming his hips into you.

“Inside,” you pleaded, “Cum inside me—ah, God, Eren—”

He cummed with a loud, breathy moan, which you swallowed directly with your mouth.

When both of your bodies had stopped trembling from your post-orgasm, Eren kissed you again, idly this time, as he was still trapped in a haze. You responded with a contented sigh, your heartbeat gradually reducing to its normal pace. He untangled his belt from your wrists, examining the way it burned marks on your skin. Bringing your hands closer to his face, he washed the pain away with kisses on each wrist, soft lips brushing against your pulsating veins. “I’m sorry,” he said, and you could feel the sincerity from how tender he pressed his lips against your skin. “Are you okay?”

“Just a little bit fucked-out,” you teased him with a grin. “Other than that, I’m fine.”

“Good.” He smiled, landing a sweet kiss on your forehead. There was a pause where you could tell he was sorting out his thoughts.

“What?” You asked him, running your fingertips along his cheekbone. “What is it?”

Eren released a breath. Fuck it, he thought. “Let’s make it official.”

“What?”

“I don’t want to share you with anyone else,” he sternly stated, eyebrows stitched together in a wave of redeemed anger. “You’re mine.”

“I’m yours?” Your lips almost twitched in a smile. “I’m not just a thing you can own, Jaeger.”

You thought he would raise his voice, frustrated at your words but his eyes drooped in something you couldn’t yet understand. Was it sadness? Loneliness? You couldn’t tell. He placed his forehead against yours. His eyes were closed, his breath felt hot on your lips. “I’ll be yours,” he whispered, erasing every bit of amusement off your face. “Every part of me that you want, I’ll give it to you, so—” He opened his lids, his thumb caressing your cheekbone. “Be mine.”

You glid your hand up, tracing the muscles in his upper arm. “Your body?”

“All yours.”

You smiled, moving your hand to his chest. “And what if I want this?” Your palm was pressing against his heart, and you could feel it pounding fast.

He clamped his fingers around your wrist, holding it still. “I don’t know why you’d want it,” he said as he broke away, his smile was a hint of loneliness, shrouded by guilt and regret. Suddenly, he felt so imperfect. All those sins he committed, he felt like they were written on his face in huge, red letters, painted by the blood of his victims. “But if you’ll take it, then it’s yours.”

It was the first time you saw him acting so vulnerable. Perhaps it was the first time he ever felt brave enough to show it. It’s what I truly wanted, you hoped you had the courage to say the words but you stayed mute.

“So, you belong to me as much as I belong to you, huh…” You beamed at him, making his heart swell. “That’s not too bad, I think.”

Eren blinked twice before he broke into laughter. “Playing hard to get? Really?”

“Hey, I wasn’t the one who just offered my heart—”

He silenced you with his kiss, and you returned it with a smile.

“A fucking tease.”

***

Eren was protective but not possessive, which played a huge part in why your relationship with him worked so well. He knew how to keep you safe, how to give you comfort, and he wouldn’t let anything harm you even when he knew you could protect yourself just fine. Being with Eren was easy because he respected you without making inquiries. He was a man with a lot of demands, but he always gave you the space you needed and knew when to put your priorities before his. He picked up the little details but never made unnecessary comments or questions unless you wanted him to.

Sometimes it made you feel nervous, perturbed by the possibility of him finding out about your real identity. But with a pocket knife hidden inside your vanity bag, you knew what to do if something went wrong. It would be near impossible for you to hurt him as you probably wouldn’t have the heart to do it, but your identity and your profession remained your top priority.

You just wished, really wished, he wouldn’t notice.

***

“So, I met this girl,” Eren said, right after he landed a mean hook at Jean Kirschtein’s face. The taller male, a fellow agent from the same firm, toppled over, body hitting the side of the ring. He tangled his arms around the ropes to balance himself, groaning loudly both in pain and protest.

Unlike Jean who wore his headgear and groin-guard to protect himself, Eren didn’t even wear a shirt. He stood there inside the ring only in his black boxing shorts and his hair tied up, his feet bare. His key-shaped pendant dangled above his heart, swaying with every movement he made. Eren had his red sparring gloves on (for Jean’s protection, really), which was already an improvement. Whenever he sparred with Levi, they always did it the hard way, not wearing anything else but wrist wraps.

“You okay, buddy?” Connie Springer, another agent, patted the top of Jean’s headgear. The male with the buzzcut had finished his training with Marco Bodt half an hour ago but he lingered around to watch his best mate getting his ass handed back to him.

“I’m fine, don’t touch me,” Jean spat back, shoving him away. Even with his gloves on, Eren could still make his head ring with one punch.

Jean was a decent fighter. He was ranked seventh during their last training, which was quite an achievement as there were hundreds of other agents working for the agency. But when you had to face one of the top three—Eren fucking Jaeger—this was bound to happen.

“Sorry.” Eren grinned when Jean rose back to his feet, groggily making his way to him. “I already held back my punches for you, I swear.”

“Shut up.”

“Am I being too hard on you, Princess Jeanne?”

“Shut. Up.” Jean smacked his gloves together, cracking his neck before he returned to his stance. “A girl, huh?” He questioned, legs moving cautiously, circling the other man around as he searched for the right opportunity to strike. “Is it like a girl girl or a girl claiming herself to be a girl but then you sneaked a hand inside her dress and you found a dick between her legs and then you figured out that she wasn't a girl, he was a man who pretended to be a girl so he could kill you 'cause he's pissed his girlfriend cheated on him with you.”

“Dude, no.” Eren knitted his eyebrows together, looking at him funny. “I don't even know what you're talking about but no.”

“Happened to me once,” Connie chimed in, slurping down his protein drink.

“No, a normal girl,” Eren said. “The prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in my life.”

“That’s bullshit. Mikasa’s the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen in your life,” Jean corrected, throwing his lead hand to the side of Eren’s head. “She’s the prettiest girl any man has ever seen in their lives. She’s a goddess.”

Eren dodged it easily. “Well, she’s ten times prettier than her.” He landed a punch on Jean’s stomach, knocking the air out of his lungs. “She’s so sexy,” another punch, “Smart,” another one to his chest, “Funny,” an uppercut to his chin, “Best. Sex. I’ve. Ever. Had.” He emphasized each word with a punch, giving him five jabs in a row, lighter in pressure but faster in speed, enough to make Jean nearly throw up his lunch. His final blow sent the other man back to the edge of the ring.

“Fuck!” Jean hissed, the throbbing pain bringing tears to his eyes. He turned around to glower at Connie, looping his arms around the ropes for support. “Connie, did you put something in his gloves?!” he shouted in whispers.

“As much as I would love to,” Connie said, sneering. “No, I didn’t.”

“Hurts like a bitch!”

“Yeah, man, I can see you’re dying over there. Look, just kick him in the crotch.”

“What—” Jean coughed. “But that’s cheating!”

“He’s not wearing any guard, just do it.”

“I won’t stoop that low!”

“You’re getting your ass kicked. You’re literally at the bottom of the barrel here, bro.”

“Yo, Jean!” Eren interrupted, calling from the center of the ring. “I’m not done with my story yet.”

“Give me a minute!” The vein on Jean’s temple was about to pop. He returned to Connie, practically whimpering. “Dude, he’s gonna fucking kill me.”

“Kick him in the groin!”

“But I don’t want to che—Fine!”

The bearded man returned to his position, standing before his opponent with the biggest sigh he had ever released. Eren smirked at him. “You’re gonna try and kick me in the balls, aren’t you?”

“No,” Jean scoffed loudly, his face reddening for a different reason. Eren raised one of his eyebrows, mischief in his eyes. “You know what? Yeah, I’m gonna kick you in the balls just so I can wipe that fucking smirk off your face, you cock gobbler!”

His taunt only made Eren’s smirk grow larger. “I’d like to see you try, Horseface.”

“For fuck’s sake, guys,” Connie groaned, throwing his head back. “I’m gonna kick you both in the crotch. Just start the damn match already!”

“By the way, man, you gotta see her eyes,” Eren said, ignoring Connie’s protest. “She’s got such pretty eyes. You know that poem that goes, ‘her eyes were the color of faraway love.’ I don’t understand poetry but that shit sounds beautiful and beautiful things remind me of her.”

“You read poetry?” Connie scrunched his nose in disgust.

“Yeah, she told me about it and I gave it a try. Pablo Neruda, The Fable of The Mermaid and the Drunks.” Even when Eren had his eyes on Connie, Jean still wasn't able to land a scratch on his face. “It’s really good. You should read it sometimes.”

“And risk myself turning into a sappy schoolgirl like you?” He snorted. “No thanks. She’s fucking with your head, bro.”

“Oh yeah, she is,” Eren grinned. “And I love it.”

“You’re fucking gross.” Jean took the moment to catch his breath. Five fucking attempts at knocking the teeth out of Eren’s mouth and he missed his shot every time. “Also, eyes? You’re kidding me? I don’t wanna hear about her eyes. Tell me about her tits.”

“Oh, she has amazing tits, for sure.” When he sighed, Eren had a dreamy expression on his face. “But her eyes, man. They’re like… stars in the sky. Feels like I can stare at them forever, you know?”

“Oh my God, just punch me,” Jean groaned. “Punch my fucking face right now before I throw up on your—” To his surprise, Eren actually did, probably even breaking his nose if he had used his full strength. Jean stumbled back, his hands rising to his face. “Hey!”

“What?” Eren played dumb. “I thought you said—”

“I was being sarcastic, you jackass!”

The brunette rolled his eyes. “Fine, punch me then. I’ll give you a freebie.”

Jean wasn’t going to waste the opportunity. Placing his whole rage into one punch, Jean planned to knock him out for good. Eren wanted to stay true to his words, he really did, but when he saw his opponent’s fist coming, his reflex took control. His upper body moved by instinct. His cheek was grazed but he barely felt it.

Jean, not expecting Eren to avoid his attack, fell forward, almost landing face first on the ground. “Bitch, you dodged!”

“Sorry, reflex.” Eren tried to show his empathy by extending his hand for the other man to take. “You know, that’s what you should do when someone tries to punch you.”

“I’m gonna fucking—” Jean tackled him to the ground, throwing random punches and kicks, exhausting himself without being able to land a single scratch.

“Where did you meet this chick anyway?” Connie asked and Jean was grateful. He didn’t give a single fuck about Eren’s story but if it could at least distract the man from his attack then he would let him babble about it all day long.

“Bogota.” Eren, lying on his back, flipped Jean’s body around. He wrapped his legs around his waist from behind, hooking one arm around his neck. “During my mission five months ago.”

“Five months ago?” Connie snorted, enjoying the way Jean was struggling to break free from his headlock. “You’re in love with the woman you met five months ago?”

“Dude, I’ve never even stayed with the same woman for five days. This is breaking all my records.” Eren talked so casually as if they were conversing over bottles of beer. “Wait—love? You think I’m in love?”

“Either that or you’re just growing even more obnoxious than you usually are,” Connie yawned. Jean choked, tapping Eren’s arm vigorously in desperate need of air.

“In love…” Eren tightened his grip around his opponent as he fell deeper into his thoughts. “I don’t think I even believe in love, but now that you mentioned it… Fuck, maybe I am in love with her. I’m going insane. Connie, am I going insane?”

“Eren…” Jean was turning blue. “Can’t… breathe…”

“Do you think it’s insane for me to be in love with her this fast? To want her for the rest of my life? Shit, now I’m thinking about marrying her. You know what? Yeah, I wanna marry her. I’m really going insane now, aren’t I?”

“Mmm, yeah, probably. Jean’s dying, by the way.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.”

***

“You look nice,” you commented when Eren showed up at your flat, dressed sharply in a black suit and oxford shoes. His hair was untied, cascading down to his shoulders, making him seem more mature than usual. It was the night of your first anniversary—well, counting from the day you met him anyway. The top of his white shirt was unbuttoned, two more than necessary, as always.

He smiled, taking you by the wrist, and yanked you forward until you fell on his chest, lips locked with his. When he broke the kiss, he licked his bottom lip once. “You taste nice.”

You slapped him lightly on his shoulder, smiling to yourself as you grabbed your purse. “What time is our reservation?”

“In half an hour.”

“Then, we better go.” You linked your arm around his. “I’ll just have you for dessert later.”

The way he chuckled made you feel warm inside. “Can’t wait.”

His jet black Bentley smelled more of citrus and less like bergamot—the perfume he often wore—and you wondered whether it was a rental or he just rarely used it. You didn’t have the strength to care, too busy stealing glances at him during the drive to the restaurant.

Before you stepped inside his car earlier, he lent you his suit to cover your bare shoulders from the night cold, saying, “Stop being so cute,” when he caught you sniffling. Eren had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showcasing his veiny arms with his silver Tag Heuer watch glinting along his wrist whenever a passing car shone headlights. He only had one hand on the steering wheel, with another one propped up against the window, unconsciously pressing the side of his index finger to his lips and a thumb on his chin. He drove in silence, his eyes focused on the road but also vacant at the same time.

“Thinking about something?” You questioned since he seemed to be ruminating.

He took a glimpse of your face, the corner of his lips curving upwards. “Just trying to figure out why you keep on looking at me every two seconds.”

You were a bit flustered but kept your composure in check. “Honestly? You just look so good in that suit.”

“Yeah?” He changed gears, a peal of soft laughter reverberating in the air. “Then, what should we do about it?”

“Well, it’s been a while since we’ve had the time for ourselves, what with us being busy with our jobs.” You placed a hand on his thigh, rubbing up and down the silky fabric of his black trousers. “I’m sorry I left you alone for so long, Ren. I’ve always hated going overseas, even more now since I met you.”

Your boyfriend glanced at the way your fingers are reaching dangerously close to the part he had been longing to be touched for the last three weeks you had been separated. “That’s… fine… ” He forced his eyes to go back to the road when a car passed by from his side, honking angrily at him. “I had to go out of town too, so we wouldn’t have been able to meet anyway.”

You bit the corner of your lip, trying to contain a smirk from breaking on your face. He was obviously distracted, but the way he tried to act so reserved was adorable too. “Then…” You tucked some loose strands behind your ear, wetting your lips. “Want me to make it up to you?”

You leaned over to his seat, close enough to be able to unfasten his belt and unzip his pants. Eren took a sharp breath when he felt your fingers curling around his length, stroking him gently until he came alive in your hand. “What’s your answer, big boy?”

He caught his lower lip between his teeth as he watched you close, his stomach somersaulting at the thought of your lips, painted in bold red, clamping around his cock. “Yes.”

“Ask nicely then.”

A grin, just as naughty and sexy as yours were, broke on his lips. His demeanor remained pompous, which made him even more attractive when he said, “Please, Sweetheart. I want you to make it up to me.”

“Keep your eyes on the road,” you said, smiling at him as you ran your thumb across his tip.

“Yes, Ma’am.” The last thing he saw before he shifted his gaze on the road was you darting out your tongue.

When you dipped your head, slanting your lips around his head, he let out this small sigh of contentment that urged you to please him more. You slid your tongue across his slit, going down to the side to trace his probing veins, murmuring sinful things against his sensitive skin.

“You seem like you’re in a good mood today,” he comments, returning to his previous position where he only had one hand maneuvering his car, his other arm resting against his window. His voice sounded stable but the way he bit the tip of his thumb to contain his groan betrayed him. “Did something happen?”

“I’m just happy,” you paused to engulf his length completely, bobbing your head twice before letting him go with a pop. “That I get to see you again.”

The way he hit on the brakes was not as gentle as before. Waiting for the red light to go green, Eren leaned back to his seat, his fingers twisted in your hair, tugging softly at your locks as he slightly thrust into your mouth.

“Mmm, Sweetheart,” he moaned, reeling in the sensation of your heated mouth enveloping him. “That feels good—you’re so good at this.”

“You can cum in my mouth.”

“Open up and let me fuck you harder then.”

You roll your eyes. “Always so demanding.” But you loosen your jaw, letting him plunge himself deeper into your cavern. But when a car stopped just three meters away from you, he was forced to straighten up on his seat. The driver—a middle-aged man with a goatee—was nodding his head to the music, both windows of his car opened for him to enjoy the night wind. He noticed Eren’s car, perhaps amazed with how expensive it was, and your lover slid his window down to expose his face.

Shocked, your protest was sitting on the tip of your tongue but Eren held you down by pressing his palm against the back of your head. “Relax. It’s too dark, he won’t be able to see,” he assured you and you grunted in response, which made him titter.

“Nice car, man,” shouted the man.

Eren waved a hand, an innocent smile strapped to his face. “Thanks. I like your tires. Custom made?”

And they began to have a casual conversation as if he didn’t have your mouth wrapped around his cock. He was always like this, a fucking tease, but two could play at this game. You sucked harder around his tip before you went down completely on him, swallowing around his cock. Eren’s grip around your locks grew tighter when he was shrouded in your warmth but his voice was airy when he replied to the man.

“Hey, you’re taking left?” The driver asked. “Might want to re-route, mate. There’s roadwork on the seventh street, probably gonna cause traffic.”

“Aaw, that–” Eren bucked his hips against your mouth. “Sucks.”

You growled at his choice of words. His chuckle resonated deep from within his chest, his hand shoving you harder against his cock.

“You seem all dressed up. Going on a date?”

“Yeah,” Eren answered with a smile. “I’m celebrating my first anniversary tonight.”

“Aye, good for you, mate. Picking up your lady, then?”

“Oh, no, she’s right here.” Before you could react, Eren pulled you back by your hair, raising your face high enough for the other man to see. Heat pooled on your cheeks, your saliva staining your chin. The man’s eyes grew wide, his face painted with crimson but before he could say anything, the light turned green and Eren stepped on the gas.

“Asshole!” You slapped him hard on his chest. “He saw my face!”

“It’s not like we’re going to see him again,” Eren chortled lightheartedly, using one hand to zip his pants. He caught you pouting, and still with his grin intact, he said, “I’m sorry, baby. Want me to make it up to you?”

“You’re an asshole,” you crossed your hands in front of your chest. “But you can try and buy me something nice.”

“I’ll buy you the world if you want me to.” He stole one of your hands away, his lips dancing across your knuckles. “You’ll forgive me then?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe,” he chuckled. “You’re adorable.”

“I’m still pissed at you, by the way.” A lie. It was hard to stay upset when he was acting this juvenile around you. As you returned your gaze to the road, you noticed that he was no longer heading to the restaurant. “Where are we going?”

“Someplace quiet where I can fuck you properly,” he said, answering it so casually. “You don’t think I’m gonna let you go just like that, do you, Sweetheart?”

You scoffed, but you could feel your grin threatening to appear. “Can’t this wait until we get home?”

“I’m fucking you now and I’m fucking you later.” He smirked, changing gears. “It’s our anniversary, isn’t it? We should celebrate it.”

The second he pulled over to an empty parking lot behind an abandoned building, Eren immediately moved your seat all the way back and latched his lips on yours. “Is this your way to celebrate?” You questioned him, giggling against his mouth on your way down. “Taking a girl in an abandoned parking lot? How romantic.”

“I’ll take you to Paris next weekend, how’s that for being romantic?"

“Now we’re talking.” You slanted your lips together, feeling his smile pressed against your own. “Let me be on top this time,” you breathed out heavily when he pushed your lingerie to the side with one hand and stroked himself with his other one.

Eren glanced at you from behind his bangs, his lips bruised from your kisses. He confirmed your plea with a nod and let you switch positions. It wasn’t easy to move around in such a small space that you ended up bumping your head against his chin but the hilarity of it all only added more emotional feelings to be involved. You felt so comfortable around him as if you were dating your childhood friend instead of a stranger you met a year ago. Suddenly, the need for physical contact didn’t matter as much as before. You were enjoying his laughter, blushing when he swatted the bangs out of your eyes and pouting when he told you how ridiculous you looked trying to work this out. You just really loved having him around, enjoyed his company more than you’d enjoy a cup of good coffee.

Maybe it worked the same way with him too because Eren’s eyes were not solely filled with lust anymore. They were soft, tender as they peered into yours. And the way he caressed your face was soothing as if you were the most fragile being he had ever touched in his life.

“Kiss me,” you said, not sure if you could handle his gaze any longer than that. He made you feel vulnerable, made you feel transparent and you were scared of having him look into your soul and find out the secrets you’d been hiding.

He pressed his mouth gently to yours, kissing you so romantically, it sent goosebumps breaking on your skin. He broke away, his lips brushing against your jawline when you were about to deepen the kiss. Then he peppered more to your cheek and your temple before he landed a peck on the tip of your nose. “I’ve missed you,” he confessed in a whisper. “I missed you so much when you were gone. I thought about you all the time.”

You stiffened in his arms. It was very unusual for him to profess romantic words in such a serious manner and you were left speechless, dazed even, at the way he tenderly embraced you. You rested your hand on your shoulders, swatting his hair away from his face before you tucked his strands behind his ear. “I thought about you a lot too,” you meekly replied with a sheepish smile.

It was rare for him to see you act this way too. His heart thumped faster. Every little thing you did made him feel so alive, like a zap of electricity that awakened all of his nerves at once. He caught your face, his thumb rubbing comforting circles across your cheekbone. “Did you miss me?” There was not a trace of amusement or teasing in his voice when he vocalized his question.

“I did.” You nuzzled your nose against his. The sweet gesture caused his stomach to swap places with his heart. You then rested your temple against his, closing your eyes as you whispered, “Everything carries me to you, as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals, were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me.”

Eren stroked your back, tugging your zipper down until it stopped just a few inches away from your tailbone. “Pablo Neruda, If You Forget Me.”

“Hey, you read it!” You grinned like a child. “I didn’t think you’d actually do it.”

“Of course, I did.” I would do everything for you. He kissed the front of your throat, making his way up to your chin before he ended his journey on your lips. The straps of your dress slid down your shoulders, revealing enough skin for him to mark on. “You see, I wanted to impress this hot stranger I met at a hotel,” he murmured, cupping your breast with one hand and closing his mouth around your nipple. “Wouldn’t want her to walk away from me so I did everything I could to make her stay.”

“Oh, she’s staying,” you sighed in rapture, tangling your arms around his neck. “She’s staying as long as you want her to.”

“What if I want her to stay forever?”

It wasn’t butterfly wings that fluttered inside your stomach. It felt like fireworks exploding at once. “Huh?”

“What if I want you forever?” He repeated, a bit shakily this time as soft pink bloomed on his cheeks. He seemed to have lost his confidence, not knowing whether you’d like it or not, but when your rejection never came, he took a deep breath and tried again. “What if I never want to let you go? What if I just want us to stay like this, just you and me, forever?” The way he cupped your cheek, gazing at you so deeply and intensely as he spoke those words, nothing could compete with how perfect it was. “What do you think?”

“I think forever is a really long time, but…” You buried your face in the crook of his neck, concealing the fire that bit through your cheeks. “I don’t… hate the idea.”

A sense of relief washed over him, so much that it paralyzed him for a second. “Don’t hate the idea, huh?” He pressed the shape of his smile against the center of your forehead. “One year, and you’re still playing hard to get.”

You giggled. “Sorry. I couldn’t afford to sound too sappy. I’ve got a reputation to uphold, you see.”

“Stop being so damn adorable.” He playfully bit your shoulder, making you laugh just a tad louder. Pulling back, he rubbed the tip of his nose against yours. “Happy anniversary, Sweetheart.”

“Happy anniversary, Ren.”

It felt different that night, the way he held you, the way he moved inside you, the way he made you feel. It was the first time he ever made love to you, truly, and it was both weird and funny to know that it was happening in an abandoned parking lot, with both of you fully clothed except for the parts where you were connected to him.

As he tried to be quiet, you could hear him sigh and curse almost inaudibly under his breath which felt somehow more erotic to your ears. Usually, he would be rough and dominating, sucking bruises until you hissed in pain but this time, he only applied soft kisses on your skin, sometimes peeking out his tongue just to make you shiver. Sex with Eren had never been boring since he knew how to keep his women entertained, but tonight, your senses were taking so much more details because your heart was involved. And so was his.

“I’m—” You quivered, the sway of your hips moving out of rhythm. Being on top of him let you take control and you used it fully to maximize your pleasure. “Ren, ah, I think I’m gonna—” He added the sensation by rubbing his thumb over your clit, almost making you jump off his lap. “Wait—” You could feel the knot in your stomach tighten.

Knowing that you were so close to the edge, Eren’s hand found home in your hair once again and he brought your lips to his. “I love you,” he whispered between kisses and you lost it. You lost every sense, every control, every thought that you could only whimper against his lips when you came undone, with him following soon after.

Eren muffled his moan by mouthing against the bare skin of your shoulder. His whole body shook under your touch and you let him finish without a word, just pressing your lips lazily against his collarbone.

Your heart was beating loudly, and you wondered whether it was simply because of the intercourse you just had or his last three words. You had known that he was committed to you, just like you were to him, but you didn’t know that he loved you that way.

Eren had his head thrown back, eyes tightly closed as he enjoyed the rest of his orgasm, breathing heavily through parted lips. You kissed him softly on his chin, making him look back at you.

“Hey,” he smiled, a bit drowsy.

“Hey, stranger,” you cooed, fingers stroking his jaw. “How are you feeling?”

“Just a little bit fucked-out,” he imitated the words you once said to him. “Other than that, I’m fine.”

You pinched his nose and he tasted your smile before he let you rest your head on his chest. You spent a minute or two drawing your name on his skin, right above his heart. Then, “Did you mean it?”

“Hmm?”

“When you said you loved me.” You pulled back to analyze his expression, every contort of his face. “Did you really mean it or was it just a spur of the moment thing?”

The sudden defenseless look on his face made you freeze. Eren had always been a little guarded and you’d noticed that, no matter how hard he tried to hide it behind his teasing smirks and mischievous smiles. You just never questioned it because, similar to him, you also had your secrets to bury inside your chest. You thought it wasn’t fair to pester him about it when he’d never force you to spill one of yours. It wasn’t like he was hiding the fact that he murdered people on a monthly basis like you did. Unbeknownst to you, anyway.

“I don’t think I know what love is,” he answered truthfully with his gaze turning just as soft as his voice. “What I do know is that I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Like I said, I think about you a lot when I’m with you. I thought about you even more when you were gone—so much that it freaks me out.”

You quietly laughed. “I think you’re just obsessing over me.”

“Whether it’s an obsession or love, I’m willing to have it.” He cupped your face, eyes peering deep into yours. “I want to feel everything. I want you to make me feel everything.”

“That’s quite a demand.” You gazed down to his lips, tentatively touching his plump lower one with your fingertips. “But as a start, I think I want to love you too, Ren.”

The way he reflected your smile was both beautiful and heartbreaking—as if it was the first time he ever heard someone say those words back to him. He pulled you for another embrace, his lips grazing against your earlobe when he sighed, “That’s good enough for me.”

You giggled, nuzzling closer to him. “I think we’re late for our reservation.”

He chuckled. “We have got to stop skipping our meals for sex.”

“Should we just get some tacos?”

“Mmm, yeah. After one more round.”

“You’re insatiable.”

"Is that a bad thing?" Eren smirked and you mirrored it the same way.

"Not at all, love."

***

His trip down memory lane comes to an end when he parks his car on the driveway of the house he has shared with you for six years. Eren sits on the driver’s seat, shuts off his engine, and retrieves back his keys. But instead of stepping out of his car, he lays his folded arms on the steering wheel. With cautious eyes, he takes a quick scan of his surroundings, usually out of habit, but now out of necessity. Nothing seems strange, but perhaps, not yet.

From his car, he can see your movements through the kitchen window. You look beautiful, breathtaking as always, maybe even more as you're celebrating your seventh anniversary tonight—eight, if he counted it from the day he met you. You’re wearing your hair high in a braid, showcasing the skin of your neck that he would love to sink his teeth in and color it purple. But tonight… Tonight he has to slit it open. There would be no bruise, only blood.

The thought makes his stomach churn. It’s so hard to believe that you’re doing the same profession as a living. You, who claim to work as a tech support consultant. You, dressed in your apron and the sexy red gown that he loves. You, with that beguiling smile, seduction in your eyes, his name on your lips, his taste on your tongue.

It’s either you or her. Eren reminds himself. Now that his firm knows the truth, there’s a fat chance that your agency must have discovered his true identity too. Maybe the knife you're using to slice his favorite roast chicken for dinner would be the same blade that ends up driven through his chest by the time the night ends. He can’t tell. He can never tell. Six years you’ve been married to him. Six fucking years and all he could see was the same beautiful woman that seized his heart from the very first night. You are the perfect lover. The perfect wife. You’ve always been.

What he feels for you is real. He knows love because you taught him. He feels it because you gave it to him. You turn the monster inside of him into a human capable of emotions. But now they're just fabrics of lies, aren't they? How would he know that you were just playing a role? Is he just a part of your cover? Or is he your mark, one that you’ve been trying to take down since the first day you met him?

Even right now, it still feels easier for him to forget what Levi said than do what he is ordered to do. But when it comes to killing and being killed, he knows his instincts would kick in. He loves you. He loves you so much, it's sickening. But would he sacrifice his own life just so you can laugh over his corpse and get a new string of numbers on your bank account?

No fucking way.

So he steps down from his car with his handgun pressed securely against his lower back. His bullets are ready to be shot. His fingers are prepared to dance around the trigger. He walks up to his porch with his mind determined, his blood boiling inside. He casts away his heart, the one that loves you, the only one that is human within him, and he never looks back. Right now, he only has one mission.

He curls his fingers around the doorknob, dragging the door open.

“Honey,” he smiles. “I’m home.”

***

AN: This is so bad omg I'm so sorry 😭😭😭 I'm not proud of this one but I still hope you enjoyed it 😭 Thank you for reading, everyone!

Super huge thanks to Aleks, Joli, Coi and Ben for beta-reading this!

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