#... i feel like i've become a better version of myself. i started feeling a part of something again after years of flying solo.

[bylrndgm]

happy 2023 byler tag!

✩ thank you for an amazing year! - e.

[ladyshinga]

I keep being told to "adapt" to this new AI world.

Okay.

Well first of all, I've been training myself more and more how to spot fake images. I've been reading every article with a more critical eye to see if it's full of ChatGPT's nonsense. I've been ignoring half the comments on stuff just assuming it's now mostly bots trying to make people angry enough to comment.

When it comes to the news and social issues, I've started to focus on and look for specific journalists and essayists whose work I trust. I've been working on getting better at double-checking and verifying things.

I have been working on the biggest part, and this one is a hurdle: PEOPLE. People whose names and faces I actually know. TALKING to people. Being USED to talking to people. Actual conversations with give and take that a chat bot can't emulate even if their creators insist they can.

All of this combined is helping me survive an AI-poisoned internet, because here's what's been on my mind:

What if the internet was this poisoned in 2020?

Would we have protested after George Floyd?

A HUGE number of people followed updates about it via places like Twitter and Tiktok. Twitter is now a bot-hell filled with nazis and owned by a petulant anti-facts weirdo, and Tiktok is embracing AI so hard that it gave up music so that its users can create deepfakes of each other.

Would information have traveled as well as it did? Now?

The answer is no. Half the people would have called the video of Floyd's death a deepfake, AI versions of it would be everywhere to sew doubt about the original, bots would be pushing hard for people to do nothing about it, half the articles written about it would be useless ChatGPT garbage, and the protests themselves… might just NOT have happened. Or at least, they'd be smaller - AND more dangerous when it comes to showing your face in a photo or video - because NOW what can people DO with that photo and video? The things I mentioned earlier will help going forward. Discernment. Studying how the images look, how the fake audio sounds, how the articles often talk in circles and litter in contradictory misinformation. and PEOPLE.

PEOPLE is the biggest one here, because if another 2020-level event happens where we want to be protesting on the streets by the thousands, our ONLY recourse right now is to actually connect with people. Carefully of course, it's still a protest, don't use Discord or something, they'll turn your chats over to cops.

But what USED to theoretically be "simple" when it came to leftist organizing ("well my tweet about it went viral, I helped!") is just going to require more WORK now, and actual personal communication and connection and community. I know if you're reading this and you're American, you barely know what that feels like and I get it. We're deprived of it very much on purpose, but the internet is becoming more and more hostile to humanity itself. When it comes to connecting to other humans… we now have to REALLY connect to other humans

I'm sorry. This all sucks. But adapting usually does.

[reds-skull]

Fic recs - oneshots (part 3)

ALRIGHT I'm hoping this is the last oneshot post, since there are a lot of other fics I wanna recommend that don't fall in this category.

This post is like 5x longer than the other ones just because I wanted to finish all of my current oneshot recs and otherwise it will take like 3 more posts. So beware there are a lot more under the cut.

If you're new here, these are all sfw oneshots:

i've dug two graves for us, my dear. by eddie_dxaz - Johnny gets buried alive.

Scotch-Soaked Lips by FreeToWriteForMe - Ghost watches Soap while the team is in a bar.

I owe the hat man money and I don't want to see him by Louffox - Ghost gets drugged and hallucinates while Soap tries to keep both of them alive.

Painting the snow red by Faolamb - Ghost is a wraith and Soap werewolf. Soap loses control and Ghost calls him back.

Mild as May by lambstew4you - Ghost and Soap are on a mission, and they have a talk by the campfire.

Hell or High Water by lambstew4you - Soap gets kidnapped and put in a sensory deprivation tank. He is rescued, but the damage is already done.

Daylight Through The Fog by WeirdTin - Ghost is afraid of letting people in. Soap just wants to love every scar.

i never said i'd be alright (just thought i could hold myself together) by TheLastTheosaurus - Ghost gets injured on a mission with Soap. Without exfil in sight, he hides it. Despite his efforts Soap finds out.

Breathe in, Hold it by Hedgehog_kun - Simon and Johnny are in a relationship. Life is good, for once. But one night Soap comes home angry and drunk, and Ghost can't help but freeze.

How it started, how it's going by Nuria123 - The fic where Ghost thinks he and Soap are already dating (5+1).

heat death by eggtimelads - Soap and Ghost spend an afternoon fending off this relentless heat [relatable tbh].

note to self: drink in moderation by eggtimelads - Ghost gets drunk, does a little pining out loud, and gets his reputation ruined while also getting a boyfriend.

Absolutely by ElizaStyx - 5 times Soap confesses to Ghost in a language he thought Ghost didn't understand, and one time he knows full well Ghost does.

the shroud is made of linen by stars_boy - In which Ghost is interrupted while watching the sunrise.

Lets Go Stargazing For Real Next Time by Trouble_13 - Ghost thought they were getting somewhere, but it feels like they have to restart all over again.

Lonely Hearts Club by Wheezing_Joe - Soap and Rudy accidentally start fake dating. Ghost and Alejandro aren't too pleased with it [this is ghostsoap and alerudy, so it's twice as good]

Night Has Always Pushed Up Day by Sillililli - Ghost gets injured and is stuck in a hospital, when they bring in a blind Soap. They're forced to share a room.

dying all the way back to the root by Magpie (QuickSilverFox3) - Soap is separated from Ghost, but Ghost can still hear his voice. He just needs to find him before someone else does.

i fear you will know me but most of all i fear i will never know you by rocketnintendo - Soap hides the extent of his injuries. Ghost finds out and is gentle.

My Heart Leapt From Me by Macabre_Flower - A pipe bursts above Soap's bed in the middle of the night. Ghost offers to help.

Palimpsest by Blackbird_flyaway - Ghost loses all memory from the last 3 years, including all memory of Soap.

The way his feet strike the earth by Blackbird_flyaway - Soap puts on a blindfold and gets kissed as part of a drinking game only it becomes a lot more than that.

i need you to hurt me back instead by TheLastTheosaurus - 5 times Ghost needed a hug, and the one time his got one.

Figure Study by 002405 - Ghost asks Soap to draw him like one of his French girls. Things devolve from there.

love me despite by TheLastTheosaurus - Ghost needs rest. Soap helps him get it.

no better version i could pretend to be tonight by TheLastTheosaurus - Soap can't sleep. he goes to Ghost.

Wash your mouth out with soap by Red_Clegane [the one and only] - Soap is reminded how he got his call sign and Ghost helps him put the pieces back together.

sunday morning (rain is falling) by wellyesbutactuallyno - Soap wants to learn more about Ghost. Ghost lets him.

The Haircut by thevalesofanduin - Soap's hair is too long. Ghost helps him cut it.

On the nights you feel outnumbered (I'll be out there, somewhere) by Brigadier - Ghost feels more irritable than usual and gets involved in a bar fight.

I want to crack open your ribs and crawl in the space left behind (Je veux me lover au creux de ton creur et ne jamais repartir) by flaminpumpkin - Simon ends up having to drag his drunk sergeant back to base and finds himself in a sticky situation because he's too smitten with the man.

Bloody Delirium by GnawingAtMyEyes - Soap gets gravely injured and suffers from blood loss delirium.

Tell Me a Secret by resonatingkitty - Ghost asked Soap to tell him a secret one evening at a bar and what Soap tells him is not what he expected to hear.

Never Hide This (From Me Again) by resonatingkitty - during a mission, Soap gets nicked and doesn't report it to Ghost. Ghost doesn't take it well.

Bruised Peach by Phiunzirus - After their latest mission, Soap's right arm looks like a bruised peach. What happens when Ghost accidentally grabs it a bit too hard?

Kiss me once, then kiss me twice, then kiss me once again (it's been a long, long time) by Angelicasdean - Soap's been home for weeks now, but he's still missing the last piece of the puzzle. Thankfully, it's scheduled to return today.

Forbidden by eddie_dxaz - Ghost comes to terms with his feelings for Soap and tries to fight them. Unsuccessfully.

The Maskmaker by ElizaStyx - Soap finds Ghost working on a new mask.

Cat Dad by ElizaStyx - One day a little kitten appears at the 141 HQ and Soap falls in love. Too bad the kitty only likes Ghost.

Blind date with a book by Nuria123 - Ghost is a famous anonymous writer and Soap loves his books. They fall in love.

Recovery by Nuria123 - Soap and Ghost meet after being medically discharged at a rehab facility. Soap volunteers and Ghost is newly admitted. [this is one of the few fics to make me actually sob hard it's so extremely good]

can't keep johnny down by Wheezing_Joe - Soap loses commes on a mission and presumed dead. After finding his way back to base he's surprised by how much he's been missed.

red woven confessions by wayfaredsoldier - Soap got he and Ghost wishing bracelets in an attempt to grow closer to him and got far more than he expected.

made a bed with apathy (years worth of dust and neglect) by aetherealmoss - Soap gets triggered by someone who looks too much like his painful past, and Ghost is there to help him through it [TW SA, rape and child abuse on this one]

Safe With Me by Wixiany - Soap who is in an abusive relationship befriends Ghost when he moved into the neighborhood. His boyfriend accuses them of cheating and Ghost is blocked for several days until Soap shows up in the middle of the night.

snuffed by crown_twist - Johnny really, really doesn't like cigarettes. Ghost didn't know.

Choice by achievement_hunteresss - Shepherd captures the 141. He offers them a deal. He will let the other person go unharmed, if you shoot yourself in front of them.

tags by achievement_hunteresss - Soap asks for help with detangling his dogtags. Ghost accidentally unburies Simon.

Precipice by Islenthatur - Soap dies and has to choose (dw it's surprisingly not mcd)

Coven (Scheherazade) by basgijr - Ghost can't sway an overwhelming feeling that something isn't right. Soap is a werewolf that stinks of wet dog and also love (Ghost is a vampire). [this one I found from a Tumblr post that I lost]

sullen by rottin - Sparring goes a little wrong.

Lessen the Load by Hammy1o1 - Price had to talk Ghost down from suicide a few times. Things change when Soap joins the taskforce. [obviously TW for suicide]

Aaaand that's all of them! And my god there's a lot. Next post I'm considering giving a list of writers I like (aka have a lot of fics that I like so I save their name instead of individual fics), which will be one post since there's not too many. After that we can finally get to the longer fics!

[sweetasadaisy]

Glowing up: A journey towards self-improvement

The reason I want to glow up is because I am determined to make positive changes in my life. I want to improve my health, enhance my appearance, and become a better version of myself. For as long as I can remember, I've been lazy, mediocre, self-destructive and unkind. But I refuse to be like that any longer. With hard work and dedication, I know I can transform myself into someone I'm proud of. I know it won't be easy, but I'm ready to take on the challenge and become the best possible version of myself.

Part 1:Physical wellness

Inspiration:Pink Pilates Princess and Green Juice Girl

The physical aspect of glowing up goes beyond aesthetics. Although, I won't deny that the main reason is doing it. It's about feeling strong, energized, and confident in your skin. I struggle with chronic migraines, fatigue and Self-destructive behaviours. My self-destructive behaviours are things I unconsciously do to make myself unattractive like binge eating because I want to be skinny but my brain doesn't want me to be skinny because it knows it will make me happy and unconsciously I don't want to be happy. I also cut my hair short because I love long hair and I cut my hair every time it gets long because I secretly hate myself and don't want to be happy. (This probably belongs in the mental wellness part.)My plan to improve my physical health is to lose weight gained from years of binging and become fit.

Goals

Lose almost 30lbs by

Eating porpotioned healthily balanced meals(<1450kcals)

Taking my vitamins

Exercising at least 3hrs a week

Getting 10k steps a day

Sleep at 11pm at latest and wake up at 5/6 am

Develop a skincare routine

Grow my hair back to waist length

Part 2:Mental, Emotional and social wellness

Inspiration:That girl and Clean girl

Mental health is the cornerstone of glowing up. It involves cultivating a positive mindset, managing stress, and fostering resilience. Emotional health involves understanding and managing our emotions in a healthy way. It's about cultivating self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, and developing coping strategies for life's challenges. Social health involves building and maintaining meaningful relationships, setting boundaries, and fostering a sense of belonging. I have struggled with my mental health for a long time. I am diagnosed with depression and I have dealt with binge eating on and off for years. I have low self-esteem and self-worth. I never liked myself since I was young. (I think I know the reason but I don't want to share.)The hatred I felt for myself got externalised into hatred, envy, jealousy and unkindness towards others. I am going to change that by:

Getting a therapist

Self care

Being positive

Thinking before I speak

Practicing gratitude

Clean my room once a day

Meet with friends outside of school at least once a month

Part 3: Spiritual wellness

Inspiration: That Christian girl

Nurturing spiritual health provides a sense of purpose, connection, and inner peace. I was born catholic and went to catholic school from the age of 5 to 11(ages 7-11 were an only-girl school). I became an atheist at 11 and have been struggling with my relationship with God ever since. I was born and raised catholic but I was never properly Cathechized. That is because my parents(My mom is a cradle catholic and my dad was born catholic but became Pentecostal) are lukewarm and don't teach me and my siblings about God, the Bible and the Catholic Church. My parents have had multiple children and have not married. (I don't want them to get married to be honest because they are not right for each other and they aren't the best example of a healthy relationship.) My mom only started regularly attending church because I asked her that we start going. My parents aren't the best example of good Christians. Also, in catholic school days teach you nothing about the catholic church they just read the bible to you every morning, make you pray 3-4 times a day and bring you to church once a week. Catholic school wasn't that bad because catechizing me wasn't their job it was my parents. My goals to become strengthen my relationship with God are:

Attend mass on all Sundays and days of obligation

Pray at least twice a day and before eating

Read the Bible daily

Learn about the catholic church and catechize myself

Got to confession eventually

Do my confirmation

Become a Proverbs 31 woman

Part 4: Intellectual wellness

Inspiration:Academic weapon

Continuous learning and intellectual stimulation are essential components of glowing up. An Academic Weapon is a student who is perceived as particularly successful in academics as a whole. My grades are mediocre but i can easily fix that if i stop being lazy and study more. I am going to:

Study atleat 3hrs a day un top of homework

Have an 8-hour study session once a week.

Read one book a month

Join more clubs

Take every opportunity to learn

Conclusion

Glowing up is not a destination but a lifelong journey of self-discovery and personal growth. By nurturing physical, mental, spiritual, social, emotional, and intellectual health, we can become the best versions of ourselves. Whether you're striving to be that Christian girl, a pink Pilates princess, a green juice girl, clean girl or an academic weapon, remember that the most beautiful glow comes from within.

[nakunakunomi]

Hi Hazel! Birthday week, waaah exciting! I hope you're having so much fun with all those requests and drabbles ( ˘ ³˘)

Could I ask for the letter O from the fluff alphabet with Geto, please? I know he's a favorite of yours as well and I've been really enjoying your takes on JJK chars so far <3

Thank you so much!

Henlo Lale! I am having SO much fun, and THANK YOU for requesting Geto, I have been having so much love for him on my mind, so i am happy to indulge you and myself in this one. Think I'll be finishing the night with this one before I dive into bed with the -no doubt- wonderful Itachi you wrote me as a bedtime story (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡ enjoy!

2nd person. GN reader. No warnings, just fluff. [A/N]/going with pre-incident/AU Geto for making life a little easier, but may do an alt version of older Geto if my requests run out during the week/

O - On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

When Suguru is in love, it’s not super obvious at first, at least not for most people. There is no humming, skipping in the street or head in the clouds situation, but there are some definite signs that will immediately tip off anyone who knows him better. 

It starts with the way he smiles whenever you’re around. You can’t quite say what is different about it, just that it is. The way it reaches his eyes, cheeky grins being replaced with sincere smiles, and genuine laughter way more often around you. The sound is enough to make the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.

He will be checking his phone more often, just to see if he’s got a message from you. He will subtly update you about his day, send random pictures, anything to start a conversation. And the best of it all: even the mundane conversations will become exciting and entertaining some way? You don’t know how he does it, but he manages to ask the right questions and say just the right thing to make the conversation flow so easily, making you crave his presence as much as he craves yours.

I’d like to think that he is pretty straightforward about his feelings, but he will test the waters first: a hangout with just you, a late night conversation in the dorms running till way past midnight, the two of you finding more and more deep topics to discuss, not even noticing just how tired your bodies are cause your minds and hearts are just racing. When he’s sure enough that you like him as well, he’ll be straightforward about it. He’ll ask you out, clear about his romantic intentions. And how can you refuse, when there is such a love-filled determination in his eyes?

This is part of my AB(C)-Day event! Click here to join!

[fallingsolonely]

Heaven & Hell

Warning: This one-shot contains dark and sexual content.

[This is an edited version of a one-shot I wrote a few years ago, I hope you enjoy!]

Theme: Demon!Harry

Word count: 12.8k

~~~~

Earth. What a magnificent paradise. Created perfectly in my father's image.

I've been reading about it for years. I've been begging for almost a millennia to visit.

Aristol, my brother and also, in his words, my 'superior' has long refused. But I'm finally getting my chance.

I finally got my first assignment on Earth.

Aristol is furious about it, I know he's been going behind my back to Mariella and telling her that 'I'm just a child and can't handle a place like Earth, let alone go on this assignment'

He was adamant that it should be him.

1. I am not a child. I'm not much younger than Aristol as much as he likes to claim.

2. I have proven myself, I've done all my studies and I have trained for this my entire life.

As stunning as Earth is, I am well aware of the way it has been corrupted.

But where there is a storm, a rainbow is not far behind.

I've been on Earth for almost two weeks now. Europe. I've only seen maps, to be here is surreal.

To see how my father's creation has grown into what it is, it's amazing.

Humans are fascinating to me.

I'm not meant to interact much, but I can't help it.

Especially my assignment. A beautiful little boy by the name of Isaac.

A prophecy that came to the angels attention exactly 12 years ago, the day he was born.

I like to look at Mariella as a mother figure. She believes in me, pushes me to be strong.

Shes our link, almost like what humans would call a telephone.

She speaks directly with our father and 12 years ago, we received a message about a little boy with astounding power.

For the first 11 years of his life, he would be protected from the most awful parts of the world and the creatures who surround it. But, when he reaches 12, his presence would officially take hold and all creatures would become aware of him.

Which is incredibly dangerous.

That's where I come in. Angels have been preparing for this little boys 12th birthday for a long time and we have put as much protection on him as we can.

I've been assigned to watch over him.

I was strictly told not to interact with him. Just watch.

On my first day of observing him, he knew it.

He touched my hand and the first thing he asked me was if I wanted to get icecream with him.

It's almost like he knew. Treating me like he's known me his whole life.

I've never tried food of any kind before, but it's amazing.

Icecream, it's sweet and cold and comes in so many different flavors I feel dizzy when I have to choose.

For the last two weeks I've been meeting Isaac at the Icecream truck in the park near his house.

Power radiated off of this little boy and he seemed to have no clue about it. But I can see it in the way he talks, he's smart. He's intuitive and extremely wise for only being alive for a mere 12 years.

After trying icecream, I went and tried all the food I could. It's so amazing to me the things humans have created. I think my favourite is coffee.

It makes my body tingle in the strangest way.

So now, every day before I meet up with Isaac, I stop in this quiet little coffee shop.

I love watching them go about their day, humans.

I'm so grateful to the lady named Eileen who makes me a different kind of coffee every time I come in.

She's so sweet.

I don't understand Aristol's hatred towards them. The way he talks about them, like every single human is corrupt.

But it's not true. Not in the slightest.

Life, is beautiful.

"You're practically one of them" I jump slightly, looking up from the paper I am reading.

Aristol.

"I told Mariella you were to young and stupid for this assignment" He shakes his head, looking me up and down.

"You better start acting like an angel before someone snuffs you out"

Hes bitter about being pushed to the side.

"I think I blend in better like this" I smile at my brother and sip my coffee.

"I've been doing well, watching over Isaac. He's safe" He looks at me with disgust as I drink the coffee.

"We'll see"

With that, he's gone.

How Aristol doesn't see the beauty of our fathers world, is crazy to me. It's beyond incredible.

I walk along the path towards the park and to my surprise, I see Isaac.

I only see the back of his head, but he's sitting next to someone.

Hastily, I make my way over to them.

"(Y/N)!" Isaac smiles widely when I come up to them. Next to him is an unfamiliar man in a black suit.

"I made another friend" He's so happy about it. Smiling ear to ear with an icecream in his hand.

"Isaac, you should be more careful" I say it softly to him, but I can feel myself becoming more protective.

"Don't worry, pretty thing, I'm not going to hurt him"

I watch as Isaac goes to touch the man's hand, but before he can, the mystery man stands to his feet.

Already, the energy feels strange.

He stands tall, looking over me.

"Just keeping him company" The man smiles at me, scanning me with bright green eyes. In his hand, he has an icecream. As he looks over me, I watch as he licks the vanilla flavored cone.

"Enjoying this sweet little dessert" His smile turns into a smirk.

"He found me like you, (YN)" Isaac says, still smiling. Excited to be making friends.

"(Y/N), what a beautifully angelic name" He turns away from me and looks down at Isaac.

"I'll be seeing you soon, young man" He bends down to Isaac's height and smiles.

Then, he stands back up and looks at me while licking his cone. He stares me down for a moment before turning and walking away.

I can't help but feel weary as I watch him leave.

I turn to Isaac and then kneel in front of him.

I place my hand on his cheek and smile.

"I need you to be careful, Isaac" I say seriously.

"I don't want anything bad happening to you, you're special" He hugs me tightly.

"I'm sorry if I worried you, (Y/N). I'll be careful" I hug him tighter and then pull back.

"Whenever you meet someone who wants to be friends with you, I want you to touch their hand" I take his hand and hold it tightly. I know he can feel my energy through touch.

It's an ability he's unaware of even possessing.

"Okay" He agrees, holding one of my hands with both of his.

_______

I'm still worried.

The appearance of the strange man is still haunting me. Something about him isn't right. Luckily, Isaac's house is a safe haven. Enchanted by sigils meant for protection. Not even Angels can enter through it.

But to be sure, I don't stray far from his home.

The sun has set and the city is quiet.

Sleep, a source of energy humans need. I don't quite understand it, but Isaac loves to tell me about it. About the dreams he has.

Visions of someone protecting him.

Visions of shadows that he calls nightmares.

I don't like hearing about those ones, I'd do anything to make them go away.

Emotions are something all creatures feel, including angels. It's something we have to learn to control, I'm still in the learning bit.

Aristol tried to use it as an excuse for why I was unfit for this position.

At the moment, fear is swirling through me. I've never encountered the creatures that were rumored to roam the Earth.

But as I make my way around Isaac's neighbourhood, I can feel the piercing sting of someone's eyes. Like I'm being followed.

Isaac's house is on the other street, I should find a place closer to settle for the night.

Usually, I'll explore in the hours of darkness. But tonight, I'm scared.

I peak down an alley. A shortcut.

My instinct is to teleport but I don't want unwanted attention and I can already feel eyes on me.

I step into the alley. It's not super long, thankfully and in the darkness of it I feel a little safer teleporting.

I go to close my eyes, to bring myself to Isaac's street but before I get the chance, a hand clamps down over my mouth.

"Make a sound, I clip those pretty wings"

The voice whispers in my ear.

"You try anything, that precious boy is good as dead" He warned.

My first thought is to tear him away with whatever power I can, but then he mentions Isaac.

An innocent little boy.

I stop struggling against his hold on me and suddenly everything is black.

He pulled something over my head, blinding me from seeing who he is and where he takes me.

Instantly I know he's not a creature of Earth when we teleport. Not long after, I'm pushed into a chair and cuffs are tied around my wrists against the arms of the chair.

"If you're a good girl for me, perhaps I'll takes these off. Just a little precaution for my sake" He whispers, pulling away the fabric that he had put over my head.

I open my eyes and I'm met with green.

The same green eyes I had met with Isaac in the park.

Instinct takes over me and I try to get myself loose.

But my power is gone. I look down at the straps on my wrist. Each one scribed with a dark power binding sigil.

I'm trapped.

When he chuckles, I look up at him.

"No use trying with those on, love" He smiles at me.

"W-What are you doing?" I can't help it. I'm terrified.

"A little birdie told me an angel was coming to town" I look over him, he's dressed in all black, all the way down to his shoes.

"Expected more of a fight from you, angel. Never seen one give up on a fight so easily" He kneels down in front of me, our eyes level.

In a flash, I watch as each little vein in his eyes grow dark until they are black.

A demon.

Children of my fallen brother, Lucifer.

I've never met one. I never wanted to meet one. They were soulless and wicked.

"Is this your first time meeting a demon, sweetheart?" He stands up to his feet, smoothing out the suit jacket he's wearing.

The smile on his face is sickening.

"What do you want?" I want to be confident, stand my ground but my voice is quiet.

I'm so afraid.

I don't know what to do. I'm stuck.

"I'd love nothing more than to suck the sweet little soul out of your body" His smile is unwavering, his thumb running over his bottom lip as he stares at me.

"I can only imagine how it tastes-" He leans over me, biting his lip.

"So tempting, I can practically smell it" I try to push myself away from him, his hand coming up to my cheek.

His fingers are warm, burning my skin but I shiver at the feeling.

He leans down closer to me, closing his eyes and taking a breath.

"Sweet like icecream" When his eyes open again, I watch the black recede. They are green again.

"Look at you, so afraid of me. It's intoxicating" His fingers trace my jaw and then he steps away.

"So fragile" He chuckles some more.

"I'm sorry, darling. It's just amusing to me that out of all the assholes they could have sent, they sent down....you" He laughs even more.

"Sounds like a set up to me, darling. Do you really think you can protect something that everyone is looking for?" He's smiling, mocking me.

It makes me angry. I'm not weak.

I struggle against the restraints, but nothing. Not even a sliver of power.

"We know he's hidden in the area you were lurking" He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a blade. He looks it over and then back at me.

"We want the same thing, angel" His smirk makes my stomach turn.

"To see that little boy take on the world. Or more favorably, take out the world" He takes a step towards me again, twirling the blade in his hand.

"You just have to tell me his exact location" I close my eyes tightly when he begins to point the blade towards me.

"I'd hate to ruin this beautiful face" I take a deep breath when I feel the tip of the blade on my cheek.

Delicately, he moves it over my skin.

He pulls it back and I open my eyes. It's still pointed at me.

I look up at him.

"Please..." I can't do this. I can't tell him where Isaac is. I'd die to protect him.

"Please" He mocks me, rolling his eyes.

"So many things I want to do with this" He smirks and looks at the blade.

"Perhaps in another meeting, angel girl" He brings the knife down and cuts the straps binding my wrists.

"I know you aren't going to try anything, so obedient" He hums and brings his free hand up to my face. Before he can touch me, I think about breaking his hand and it does.

My power is back.

His face twists in pain for just a second before he snaps it back into place.

He glares at me, his eyes black again. He grabs me roughly, pulling me out of the chair and then grabbing my throat.

In an instant, I'm shoved against the wall.

"Try that again, I dare you" He squeezes so hard I struggle to breathe.

I want to kill him. But I can't. It will just put Isaac into more danger.

"Killing you would bring me so much joy, but no answers" He loosens his grip but his hand is still locked around my throat.

"So how about this, if you don't tell me where he is, I kill everyone on the entire block instead?" I glance around the dimly lit room. It's small. The only thing in it is the chair I was strapped to.

"Why do you want him?" You know the answer already. He's powerful.

Power is the only thing these creatures care about.

"To many questions, darling and not enough answers" I can see him getting frustrated.

"What's your name?" I reach out my hand to touch him and when I do, he drops his hand from my throat and backs away from me. He's visibly angry. The knife in his other hand is clenched in his fist.

"Tell me where he is or when I find him, I'll cut his heart out" He snapped, raising the blade at me again.

"Please, don't hurt him. I'll do anything. Just please, don't kill him" I'm desperate, I beg with the soulless man and look into his darkened eyes.

"Kill me instead, don't hurt him" His demeanor changes just slightly.

"Every angel I've met, I've never met one like you" His knife is still pointed at me, but his voice is calmer.

"So, emotional" He steps towards me again.

"My guess, you don't even know what the child is" He comes so close to me, I hold my breath.

He brings the blade up again, pushing my hair away from my face. He smiles a bit and then takes the knife away, putting it back into his jacket.

"But maybe we could think of something" He leans in even closer to me, bringing his lips to my ear.

"You'll do anything?" He pulls back to look at me, his eyes now back to green. He bites his lip.

I nod quickly, completely unaware of what's going on in his mind.

I will die to protect Isaac and if death is my fate, I will accept it.

"What is this little angel willing to give up?" He wonders, his hand coming up to my face. His finger running along my bottom lip.

I want to bite it right off, but I know it won't end well so I refrain.

"Anything, just promise me you won't hurt him"

I go to reach out to him but he grabs both my wrists and pins them against the wall.

"Sorry, angel. Demons don't make promises" He leans close to my face.

"You're just going to have to trust me, can you do that, baby?"

I know I can't. I can't trust something like him.

Hes vile and nothing good will come out of trusting him.

But what choice do I have here?

I look at him and then nod a little bit, his smirk becoming more wicked.

"What a good girl" He placed his hand on my cheek and stroked it gently.

It burns my skin like his fingers are laced with poison. But the rings on his fingers send shivers up my spine.

"Tell me, honey, just how innocent are you?" His voice is quiet and menacing.

I didn't know what he meant.

"Never got this pretty white dress dirty before?" I look at him, confused. It seemed to edge him on even more. Like he enjoyed it.

I shake my head at his question, why would I get myself all dirty?

Heaven is clean, pristine.

I miss it. Heaven is safe and pure.

"Angels, all work and no play" He leans in so close, his cheek is almost touching mine. His lips are by my ear.

"What do you do for fun, darling?" His breath is warm and I can almost feel the stubble from his face.

"I-I don't know"

Hes so close to me I feel like I'm suffocating. His scent is overwhelming.

"Would you like to know what I do?" He takes a breath, his lips touching my skin for just a split second before he steps back from me.

The blade he had put away, he takes out again.

I can't begin to imagine what a demon would do for fun.

I don't want to know.

"It depends on how I'm feeling that day, honestly"

This is it. He's going to kill me.

"Carving is fun" He brings the dull part of the blade to my cheek and out lines my jaw.

"I would have so much fun carving you-" He licks his lip.

"But that's not the fun I'm in the mood for tonight" He continues to trail the blade down my neck. I watch him.

"Call me crazy, angel. But I like you. So different from your waste of space siblings" He knicks my flesh with the blade, making me wince.

It only takes a moment before the wound heals it self.

"It just brings me so much pleasure seeing the fear in your eyes" He glances up at me.

Finally, he pulls the knife away. He puts it back into his jacket.

"Would you like to have some fun with me, baby? I'd say it's the better option"

I look away from him, still not knowing what he wants from me. What could he possibly want to do with me?

"W-What do you want to do?" I stutter on my words, avoiding his stare.

"Been with many things in my lifetime, never an angel" He smiles. But I'm still so confused.

I can't figure it out. I don't know if I want to.

"So clueless" He laughs and grabs my chin, making me look at him.

"So innocent, it makes me sick" He looks right into my eyes, holding onto my face tightly.

"Kind of hot" He glances down, looking at my lips and then back up to my eyes.

"Please, just tell me what you want" I plead with him. I'm done with his twisted games, I feel like I'm going crazy.

I have no idea what is happening.

"I want you, pretty angel. I want to taste these sweet looking lips" His thumb outlines my mouth.

"I bet they taste just as good as your soul would" He licks his lip again.

I go through the library of books in my mind, suddenly putting together what he desires.

"Copulation?" I look at him, not any less confused.

But fear rises in my stomach.

Copulation is apart of the human experience on Earth, meant for procreation. Angels can't procreate.

Even in my human form, procreating is impossible.

I've read about it, I've studied everything about the human species. I know pleasure is something humans crave and Copulation is supposed to be a joyful experience.

I know it is, it brings new life. It's amazing.

But angels are forbidden from participating in such an act. It wasn't meant for us, it's not something we crave.

I've never even thought about something like that.

For angels, it's immoral.

"So technical" He chuckles quietly.

"Have you ever felt pleasure, my darling angel?" He asks, his fingers replace the blade. They trace my skin and take the same route down along my jaw.

I can't even think about it.

There's whispers of angels who have strayed, they were never seen again.

I quickly shake my head.

"I can't. It's not meant for us" I whisper, looking at him.

"You're missing out, pretty thing" He looks at me for a moment and then backs away from me.

"Pleasure is not a sin. Why would your stupid father create something only to pick and choose who gets to enjoy themselves?" He runs his hand through his hair and smiles at me.

"W-Why do you want to do that with me?"

I look him over, he's tall. Intimidating.

"So perfect, I want ruin you" He bites his lip and stares me down.

I'd die to protect Isaac. I'd do anything.

"You won't hurt Isaac?" I ask, meeting his stare that I had tried avoiding.

He smirks.

Fear completely sinks in. If I were to be caught doing something like this, especially with a demon, I'd loose my wings.

"I just want to make you feel good, there's nothing sinful about that" His green eyes are sparkling as he looks at me.

"Why? Why haven't you just killed me?"

It's so unclear, it would be much easier for him to just get rid of me.

"Most angels I come across, usually do have that fate. Hate those arrogant fuckers" He shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

"But you, my darling, are different. Sweet little thing, innocent" He came towards me, sliding his hands up my arms.

"They all act so pure, but you should know darling, that some of your siblings are just as bad as us" He blinked, his eyes appearing black again. He brings a hand to my throat.

I take a deep breath, looking at him.

"Hm, but not you, princess" He pulls me closer, his grip getting tighter.

"You truly don't want to hurt anyone. It must be awful-" He laughs.

"Hurting people is so much fun" He squeezes hard and then let's go of me.

"So, untouched. Just the thought of putting my cock in you drives me crazy"

His words make me flinch.

Being on Earth, I've heard some of the language they use. Some words, are extremely inappropriate.

"But, I am not the type to force pleasure onto someone. I don't need to, creatures of all kinds love to throw themselves at me. I'm like, God to them" I get angry, disgusted with way he threw around my father's name.

I try to hide it, knowing he's trying to get a reaction out of me.

"What do you say, my angel? Do you want to experience pleasure you've never dreamed of?" He asks, his smile wide.

"What's your name?" I ask, my voice soft.

I vowed to die for Isaac. I will protect him no matter the cost.

"Why does it matter?" He crosses his arms.

Hes right. I don't want to hurt anyone, or anything. Not even the darkest ones. I just want to help and protect.

Most demons, were once human. If I could find that part of him, maybe this will be easier.

"Please?" I whisper, reaching up to place my hand on his cheek. His jaw clenches and he shoves my hand away from him.

"It's only fair, you know mine" I say quietly, looking up at him.

His eyes are far from innocent.

"Harry" He looks at me, his hardened state softening slightly.

"Harry..." I repeat his name under my breath. Looking down at my feet.

I wonder if that it's the name he had before he became lost.

"Isaac will be safe?" I look back up at him, his eyes now green again. I prefer the green so much more. It makes him look human.

"Perhaps" He nods just a bit.

But, he won't confirm it. He won't promise me.

Trust is the only thing I can do.

How do I trust a demon?

"You won't hurt me?" I look at my hands, they are shaking a little.

I've never even thought of doing something like this.

"So many things I want to do to you pretty girl, hurting you is not one of them. At least, for the moment. I've got other plans for you" He grabs my face and makes me look at him.

"Can't lie to you, angel. Killing you and bringing your pure little soul to hell is a dream I will be having later" He strokes my cheek.

"Maybe another day" His smirk is sinful. My breathing picks up, thinking about it. Going to hell.

"If you'd rather leave, there's the door" He backs away from me again. Giving me space.

I glance at the door. I think about teleporting away but I think of Isaac.

My mind races when I feel a pit in my stomach. Not of fear, but curiosity.

What is it about pleasure that everyone seems to desire?

"Reading people is a talent of mine, darling. I can see those pretty eyes swimming. Is this little angel feeling a sense of curiosity?"

I want to say no to him. But I can't because he's right.

My stomach turns.

I shake my head, trying to push away the feeling.

"I'm doing this to protect Isaac" I whisper, more to myself than him.

I hate it, I hate the feeling inside of me. I don't want to be curious about anything.

Never once, in my millenia have I thought about unnatural desires.

"Isn't lying a sin?" He's mocking me, I can see it.

Nothing has happened and already I feel disgraced as an angel. Thoughts I shouldn't be having are creeping into my mind and I don't know what to do.

"I-I'm not lying" I try to stand my ground, but my brain is crumbling. In his eyes, I can see the joy. I see how much he loves watching me have a moral crisis.

"Can you feel it, angel? The heat starting to burn between those cute little thighs?" He wonders, his hand sliding into my hair and pulling my face close to his.

At the mention of it, I instinctively tighten my legs together. I don't know what it is, this feeling. I don't want to feel it but I can't help it.

With each inch that he moves closer, it burns even more.

"Come on, I have a place a little more comfortable" He brushes my lips with his own, and my stomach flutters.

"Although, bending you over that chair and fucking your brains out would be very fun"

My whole body burns at his incredibly dirty words.

He smiles and grabs my hand.

In a flash, we appear in a bigger room. Against the wall is a cleanly made bed.

"Where are we?" I ask, looking around the room. The window is boarded up, preventing me from looking outside.

"Don't worry about it, darling" He says, a devilish smirk on his face.

He reaches next to my head, flicking the light on.

I try not think about the fact we could be in someone's house, what may have happened to them.

"You're so tiny" He chuckles and pushes me against the wall.

"So fucking pretty" His fingers run along my face, stopping at my lips for a brief moment before he continues down my neck.

I'm nervous, my knees feeling weak.

I'm about to throw away every rule an angel has.

But my stomach tingles when I think about his lips brushing mine.

Desire fills my consciousness and I'm scared.

I want him to do it again.

"Nervous?" He asked, pushing some of my hair behind my ear and then cupping my cheek.

He leans in, lightly pressing his lips to mine again.

The sensation of it makes me want to pull him closer.

I pull back from him, looking into his eyes.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

"I-I don't know what to do" I whisper, shyly glancing at his lips and then back at him. He smiles.

"How about-" He's so close to me, I'm getting dizzy.

"You kiss me, pretty girl?"

Our lips were almost touching. I've never been this close to someone in my entire life time.

Hesitantly, I copy him and place a hand on his cheek. Hoping he doesn't push me away again.

I look at his lips and then his eyes. I lean up towards him and close the small gap between our lips.

It lights my body up in a way I can't describe. I still haven't got a clue to what I'm doing but I try to follow his lead. I move my lips with his and I wonder if what I'm feeling is pleasure.

It doesn't feel bad. It doesn't hurt. It just makes me weak.

His hand moves slowly down my body until he reaches my thigh. He lifts it up against his hip, pulling me off the ground.

"Lift your other leg for me, baby" He mumbles and I listen to him, lifting up my other leg.

Roughly, he pushes his mouth against mine. One of his hands is holding my leg and the other slides to the back of my neck.

I find myself wrapping my hands around his neck, pulling him closer to me. The taste of him sweeter than anything I've ever tried.

He pushes his tongue into my mouth, his grip on me getting tighter with every moment.

I can't do anything about it, but an unfamiliar sound vibrates through me.

His tongue is even sweeter than his lips and I hate it. I hate how good it feels.

I can't understand why I'm feeling like this, how can something so dark make me feel so alive?

My body betrays my mind, it's craving. Desired to be touched, to soothe the ache between my legs.

My toes curl when he slides his hand under the fabric of my dress, pushing it up higher than it already is.

"I bet that cunt tastes like heaven" He pulled his lips back from me, and all I want to do is bring him back. He kisses down my neck, his prickly stubble tickling my skin.

I can't help but giggle at the feeling of it.

He pulls back to look at me.

"What are you giggling about?" He has an amused expression on his face.

My face heats up and I look away from him.

I still don't know what I'm doing.

"It tickles" I whisper and he smiles a little bit.

"Does it feel good?" He leaned back in towards my neck, kissing along my skin.

I don't want to admit it to him. I don't want him to think he's winning, but he is.

It feels amazing.

"Y-Yes" I breathe deeply, leaning my head back against the wall.

His lips continue to kiss on my skin, his other hand drawing circles on my thigh.

"Such soft skin, angel. So clean and perfect" He breathes slowly, it travels down my spine and makes me shiver.

I gasp, his teeth sinking hard into my skin. It stings but something about it makes me ache even more.

"Oh...." I grab his shoulders. My body weakening even more when he begins to suck. I bite my lip, stopping myself from letting out another noise.

It's embarrassing, the things my body is doing in response to this. I don't know how to stop it.

I don't know if I want it to stop.

"It's quite annoying that I can't leave any marks on this stunning body"

I smile a bit at that, a mini victory. It's funny that's he annoyed by how fast my body regenerates.

"You think it's funny?" I open my eyes when his teeth sink into my bottom lip.

He growls, definitely annoyed.

He leans back from me slightly and with his hand that was in my hair, he brings it to his jacket.

I think for a second that he's grabbing the blade again, but instead he pulls out a bottle.

Instantly I smell it, grimacing slightly.

Holy oil.

But there's nothing holy about it. It's a weapon used against angels. It's one of the only things that can burn our skin.

It's not permanent, but it takes much longer to heal from it.

"I wonder what would happen if I put some of this on my lips?" My eyes widen at his suggestion and he smirks.

"I like to leave my mark, darling. Have to make you remember me somehow" I watch as he opens the flask and brings it to his mouth, coating his lips and tongue. He shoves the flask back into his jacket and leans towards me.

I try to lean back from him but the wall stops me.

Just barely his lips brush over my jaw, the oil stinging my skin. I run my hands into his hair and grip it tightly, trying to pull him back.

"Harry!" I cry out when his teeth clamp down on my neck again.

This time, it burns.

The oil coating his mouth burns my flesh and I yank on his hair, trying to pull him back.

It's so unfamiliar, holy oil burns. It hurts, it's not pleasant.

But I feel pleasure and I can't comprehend how he makes it feel like this.

"Hm, that's better" He whispers in my ear, his lips coming back to mine.

Most of the oil had dissipated from his mouth, but there was a trace left.

I can feel the little needles of it against my lips.

But when he kisses me, I kiss him back eagerly. Ignoring the slight burn of it. He still tastes so good.

I'm horrified by the pleasure in my body.

I shouldn't have enjoyed it, but the feeling of his lips mixed with the burning did something to me that I can't explain.

"Would love to leave some marks all over this body, baby" He leans back into my neck, his tongue licking over the burn he created.

I fight against the sound that bubbles in my throat, still in disbelief that my body is twisting in pleasure.

My legs tighten against him, I desperately wanted to close them.

There was an ache, pulsing between my legs that I can't control. His hand that rested on my thigh made it even worse. He pushes my dress up higher and his hand comes down to my other thigh. His eyes still locked on me.

"You can't hide your desire from me, (Y/N). Those pretty little moans tell me exactly what you're feeling" He brushes my lips, his hands moving towards my inner thighs.

My breathing picks up and I look down at his hands.

My dress is pushed as far as it can go, and I know he can see my under garments.

It makes my face warm up, because he can feel the heat that's coming from them.

"Maybe I'll leave some marks on these thighs" He squeezes his hands, his lips kissing down my throat and towards my collarbone.

This time, I'm unable to keep the sound from coming out.

It's the thought of what it might feel like, his lips between my thighs coated in oil. It stings, but he makes it feel so good.

I don't know why I enjoy it. I can't even begin to think about how I'm enjoying any of this.

"You like that sound of that, baby?" He pulls back and smirks.

I shake my head, I don't want to admit it.

"Remember, angel, lying is a sin" He chuckled and moved his hands higher on the inner parts of my legs.

"You don't see me lying to you" He grabs my face with one of his hands.

"I'm going to bring you over to that bed and fuck that sweet little innocence out of you" He forces me to look at him while he says it. I bring my hands to my face, hiding from him.

I couldn't help but think about it, trying to imagine what it would possibly feel like.

"Now tell me, sweetheart, do you want me to touch you?" He rubs my thigh gently and smiles at me.

"Soothe the ache I know you're feeling" He chuckles a little bit, but I'm still covering my face. It's so warm, I feel embarrassed.

"Trying so hard to hide it from me.." He grabs my wrists and pulls them away from my face.

"Am I right, angel?"

I can't explain the emotions he's making me feel. I feel weak at how easily he sucked me into temptation but I wanted more of him.

Angels are strong, but how can I even call myself that?

I didn't put up a fight. I gave into him so quickly.

I am weak.

I pull my hands from his and bring them to his face. His skin is warm, despite his nature.

I haven't gotten the chance to really look him over. I bring my thumb to his lips, copying what he had done to me. I trace his lips, my eyes trained on them.

I can feel his stare, watching me intently.

I don't say anything to him, my voice is caught in my throat. Instead, I gently pull him to my lips. For just a moment, it's almost soft.

But quickly, he pushes his tongue into my mouth but I don't mind. It tastes sweet, like a candy.

"My little angel, you might want to ask your father to look away because I'm about to do some very bad things to you" He whispers against my lips.

He pulls us both away from the wall and grabs my hips, planting my feet back on the ground.

"So, modest" He hums and looks me up and down. I look down at what I'm wearing. A simple white dress that reached my knees. I think it's pretty. I've always loved white.

He tightens his grip on my waist and backs up until his legs reach the end of the bed. He sits on the edge of it, making us eye level to eachother.

"How about we take this off?" He slides his hands from waist up to the back of my dress.

I bite my lip, nodding at him a little.

Angels, when on earth, have a human form. It helps us blend in. It also helps us understand humans more. We don't have to worry about trivial things like sleeping, or going to the bathroom but our bodies function pretty similarly. Of course, Angels human form is much stronger than a regular human.

Harry's eyes don't leave me for a second. Hardly blinking as he pulls the zipper of my dress all the way down.

I take a deep breath. Becoming more nervous.

I've never been undressed in my life.

He slips his hand under the fabric and runs his hand up my back.

Hes so warm.

He pulls on the fabric until it falls to my ankles and suddenly I'm bare. The only thing covering me is my white under garment.

I quickly cover my chest, scared.

Hes not rough about it, but he grabs my arms and pulls them away, putting them at my sides.

"Don't be shy with me, angel. I think your body is delicious" He spreads his legs and pulls me between them. He brings his hands to the back of thighs and rubs them gently.

"So perfectly made" He bites his lip, his hands sliding higher.

I gasp when he slaps me and he laughs, his hands squeezing my behind.

"Something tells me you'd love to be bent over and whipped. I know I'd love to" He squeezes harder and I wish I could find an explanation for why it makes my body tingle so much. Not just his touch, but his words are making the heat between my legs burn.

He leans forward, his lips connecting to my skin just above my breasts. I run my hands up into his hair, lightly pulling at it.

"Been with many in my lifetime, none compare to you, angel" He squeezes the back of my thighs.

"Softest skin I've ever had the pleasure of touching" He continues with his lips on my skin, lightly biting down.

"I can only fucking imagine what it's going to feel like burying my cock in you" My legs stiffen at his words, trying to stop myself from feeling whatever it is that's raging through my stomach.

"You like it when I talk dirty to you, baby?" He pulls back and smirks at me.

"I-" I stumble on my words, trying to convince him that I don't. But my body doesn't agree. Every word, every touch makes me ache for more.

His smirk gets more wicked at my lack of words.

With a quick movement, he lifts one of my legs up onto the bed next to him, I grab his shoulders to keep myself from falling.

This position makes me feel much more vulnerable to him.

"Do you even notice how soaked you are, angel?" He laughs to himself, running his hand up my ankle until he reaches my knee.

He slows down a bit, tip toeing his fingers along my inner thigh.

He brings just the tip of his finger between my legs, pressing against where I had been dying for him touch.

"Can't wait to taste this perfect little cunt"

Just the small amount of pressure makes me buckle and I feel like I'm going to fall over. I go to pull my foot off the bed but he grabs my ankle and stops me.

"Nuh uh, honey. You're keeping your leg up for me" He warned.

"Or, I can tie you down onto the bed and have some fun with this" He pats the pocket of his jacket, referring to the oil.

My grip tightens on him.

He's hardly touched me and my body feels overwhelmed.

There's so many unfamiliar feelings swirling through me.

"Harry" I whine his name, looking at him and his sinful smirk.

"I don't play games, sweetheart. You listen to me, or you suffer the consequences" He slides his hand back up my leg, his fingers returning between my thighs.

"So sensitive, angel" He does it again, gently running his finger along me.

Instead of just once, he goes back and forth.

My leg wobbles and I try very hard to keep myself from ripping away from him.

It feels so good, I don't know how to handle it.

"Just wait until it's my tongue playing with this cute little clit" He pushes down harder and it takes all my strength to keep from falling over.

"Bet I could make you come without even taking these off"

I don't like the noises my body is making but I can't help it, I don't know how else to respond to how he's making me feel.

"Noisy little thing" He chuckles and pulls his hand away, pushing my foot off the bed and letting me plant it on the ground.

"Hm, can't get over these pretty legs" He traces his finger tips up and down the back of my thighs.

He brings his hands to my hips and hooks his fingers into my underwear.

He glances to my eyes and then begins to pull them down until they fall to my ankles.

I'm completely exposed to him now. I get nervous and close my legs tightly, trying to hide myself from him.

He stands up off the bed, suddenly much more intimidating.

"So, shy" He brings his hand to my cheek and strokes it for a moment.

"Be a good girl for me-" He taps my nose.

"Lay on the bed" He steps to the side and crosses his arms, watching me.

I listen to him and get onto the bed, laying my head on the pillows. He's still fully clothed, it feels unfair.

He stares at me for a moment before following my path and climbing onto the bed.

"Spread your legs, baby"

At the moment, they are closed tightly.

I look up at the ceiling, away from his intense eyes.

Slowly, I open them. I take a deep breath and shiver when I feel his hands on my legs.

"Such a delightful sight, angel"

I get the courage to look down at him, he's on his knees between my calfs. His hands delicately tracing my skin.

"I bet this sweet looking pussy is begging to played with" His touch is so, gentle. It's making me want more.

I can't even begin to imagine what his tongue would feel like between my legs.

I feel dirty just thinking about it.

I watch him lay down, lifting my thighs onto his shoulders.

I feel so vulnerable. I'm so nervous but I want him to touch me. My body is begging for it.

His eyes are locked on mine, his lips and teeth connecting to my thigh and making my toes curl. I don't know what to do with myself.

I shyly bring my hands down to his hair, the feeling of it soothing my nerves. I like the way his hair feels in my hands.

Without thinking, I pull on it, attempting to pull him closer between my legs.

Desperation is what I'm feeling.

He notices it right away. His eyes instantly looking up at me again.

"Is it starting to hurt, baby? Aching so bad, dripping down your thighs" I shuffle my legs, ignoring him.

I don't want him to be right. But he is, I need it.

"If you want something from me, angel-" He sinks his teeth into my flesh for a moment and then smiles.

"You've got to ask for it" He says, his face turning serious. I kick my legs in frustration, I don't want to ask him. I barely understand what's happening to me. I can't believe a demon is making me feel like this.

But in my subconscious, I'm questioning it.

Why aren't we allowed to enjoy ourselves?

Why isn't this something all creatures are allowed to experience?

He laughs at me kicking my legs, roughly gripping my thighs and stopping me from moving.

"Use your words" He kisses my thigh again, his lips going higher.

It feels like I'm on fire and the only thing that's going to cool me down is his tongue.

I don't know what to say to make him give me what I want.

"Please" I whisper, running my fingers through his hair. He smiles a bit.

"Please, what?" I get more frustrated, yanking on his hair but all it did was make him smile more. I know he's enjoying it, seeing how frustrated he can get me.

I don't want to say it out loud. I don't want to admit how badly my body is begging to be felt.

"I-I don't know what to say" I whine, trying to shuffle my legs again but he's got a tight hold on me.

"Beg me to touch you, angel, and maybe I will" He sucks lightly on my thigh.

"Or I could leave some pretty marks on your thighs" He bites down harder.

More unfamiliar sounds leave my throat, his teeth in my flesh stinging just slightly but I like it. I hate it. I hate all of the thoughts running through my head. All of them about him. His dirty words on what he wants to do with me. I don't understand it, but I want to.

"Harry, please-" I take a deep, shaky breath.

"I need you to touch me" I plead with him, hating myself for giving him the satisfaction of exactly what he wanted to hear.

"Such a good girl" He whispers, kissing even higher up my inner thigh. I watch him closely, noticing his hand letting go of my thigh and coming inbetween my legs as well.

"Is this what you want? Hm?" My whole body shudders when his fingers run along me. It's already an overwhelming sensation.

"You're so wet, baby. Smell like heaven" He breathes against my flesh and I try to move my hips closer to him. He chuckles and moves his other hand that had been holding thigh, up to my stomach and locking his arm around me tightly. Preventing me from moving.

Very much unvoluntarily, I squeal when I feel his tongue and he laughs, the sound vibrating against me.

It feels so good.

His tongue moves slowly and I try hard to kick my legs because I don't know what else to do. But his grip tightens.

"Harry" I go to pulling his hair instead, but it doesn't phase him. Every little movement of his tongue makes me moan. I can't control it. I hate it.

It truly is pleasure I've never dreamed about before.

He focuses in on the most sensitive part, my vision going blurry. I cry out, yanking on his hair with all my strength and he doesn't flinch. He continues to suck on my flesh until I'm a mess. I can't even think straight.

It's almost a relief when he pulls away for moment, but something in me wants to push him back.

"Tastes like honey, angel. Can't get enough"

This time it feels like his mouth completely engulfs me and I cry out even louder.

The pleasure, is incredible.

I've never felt this before in the millennia I've been alive.

My stomach is tightening to a point that I can't handle. It's the most intense thing I've ever felt.

I try to breath but every flick of his tongue takes my breath away.

"H-Harry" I try to pull him away, an unfamiliar knot in my stomach and all I want is relief. I can hardly breathe.

"P-Please"  I whimper, feeling like I'm going to burst. He's got such a tight hold on me, I can't move. All I can do it pull on his hair and make noise.

Which he seems to love.

His mouth and tongue make me feel like I'm floating, I can't describe it.

I don't understand it, how is he doing this?

Why does it feel so good?

"W-What is happen-" My body trembles and my thighs are shaking.

I'm struggling so much but he just holds me in place and continues to torture me with his tongue.

I close my eyes tightly, my back arching off the bed as my entire body tenses, lightly shaking as he doesn't stop his rhythmic movements.

It's so intense. The unexplainable feeling rips through me and his tongue doesn't stop. Not until my body relaxes a bit, and I'm panting. I try to catch my breath but my mind is so scattered, I can't get myself to breathe regularly.

"So fucking sweet, my little angel. Could eat this delicious cunt for days" I open my eyes, watching as he takes my thighs off his shoulders and gets onto his knees.

"Soaked the sheets, darling" He chuckles and places either hand on the top of my thighs.

I'm still trying to catch my breath, at a loss for words from the experience I just had. He rubs my thighs gently and looks down at me.

"That's what happens when you feel good, baby" He's still rubbing my thighs, helping me to calm down and relax my breathing. I attempt to close my legs a little bit, embarrassed at the mess I created on the bed.

He pins them down, pushing them further apart.

"Don't close your legs, I'm not finished" He warned, a hard grip on my thighs.

He holds down one and then brings his other hand between my legs.

I flinch when his fingers trace along my inner thigh, my body is still incredibly sensitive.

"Made you come so much, baby. Taste so good" He brushes over my nerves for just a second, making my body jolt. He smiles and brings his hand to his mouth, licking his fingers.

"I bet you're so fucking tight" His hand comes between my legs again but before he can touch me I reach down with both my hands and grab his.

He laughs at me and grabs both my wrists, he leans over me and then pins them to the bed.

"What?" He leans his face closer to me.

"Is your pussy too sensitive for me to play with?" He smirks and lifts my hands above my head, pinning them both down with just one of his.

"You think it's intense now, honey?" He uses his knee to spread my legs further apart then they already are.

"Can't wait until you feel me filling you up" He holds my hands tightly and slowly traces his fingers down my body.

His hand sneaks between my legs again and I whimper.

I groan when he pinches me lightly, a jolt of pleasure shooting into my stomach. I'm so sensitive, I hate it.

"You've got such a sensitive little clit, baby. Makes me wanna suck it until you squirt" His fingers lowers slightly and he makes little circles. I struggle in his hold, moaning more.

"Harry-" I gasp when his finger sinks into me.

"So soft" He hums. I look up at him, struggling again in his grasp. It feels really good, his finger slowly sinking into me. It's a different sensation and it amazes me. How can he make me feel like this in so many different ways?

He pulls his finger back, almost all the way before roughly pushing his finger back into me.

I groan, the pleasure coming from even deeper than when he was using his tongue.

"Does it feel good, baby?" He leans down and bites my lip.

I choke on my words when I feel him pushing a second finger into me, my toes curl in response to the pressure. My breath taken away.

"I wonder how I'm going to fit my cock in this tight little cunt, angel" I don't know what to say. His dirty words, I hated them. I hate inappropriate language of any kind but for some reason, I don't want him to stop. I like the sound of his voice.

"As much as I'd love to make you come on my fingers-" He pushes his fingers in and out of me a few more times before pulling them away.

"Wait-" I quickly bite my lip, not meaning to say anything out loud. But I liked the feeling, I didn't want him to pull away.

He smirks and brings his fingers to his lips, sucking on them.

"Don't worry, angel. Not even close to being done with you" He gets off of me and then off the bed.

I sit up and watch as he unbuttons the single button holding his suit jacket. I get up as well and crawl to the edge where he is. I get on my knees and watch him pull it off and set it on the ground. I reach out and grab his hands before he can start unbuttoning the long sleeve shirt he had on.

I pull him right up against the bed, with me on my knees we are about the same height.

Part of me just wanted to admire him. His features were perfect.

His eyes were my favorite. But only the green. I didn't like it when they'd go black.

I bring my hands to the buttons and slowly begin to undo them. His eyes are watching me closely.

I can't help but smile when I get a peak of his skin. I can already see streaks of ink.

I've seen quite a few people on Earth with beautiful designs on their skin.

I undo the last button and pull the rest of the shirt from his pants.

I pull the shirt off of him and let it fall to the floor.

Without asking, or really thinking, my hand comes to the design on his stomach. I trace it and smile even more. It resembled a butterfly and I wonder what it means to him.

Is it ties to the soul he may have had at some point?

I wish I could ask him, I could look, by holding his hand but he'd know it. He'd never let me.

I admire him for a few more moments, his body is breathtaking.

"I like these" I say softly, poking his stomach.

"Thank you, angel" It's the only genuine thing I've heard him say since we met.

The tone of his voice makes my stomach flutter.

I look down at my hands, trying to ignore his eyes when my hands reach his pants.

I bite my lip and take a deep breath.

I'm so nervous at my lack of experience. I can't imagine the amount of times he's done this.

I undo the button and bite my lip harder, unzipping them and pulling them until they also fell to the floor. He steps out of them, still allowing me to take my time. Which I'm grateful for.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

My fingers trace along the edge of the final peice of clothing on him. I also trace my fingers over the designs he has on his hips.

I think any form of art is beautiful. Some angels might disagree, but I do truly love art. And the ink humans put onto their skin, is an art form for them. I think that's amazing.

"Curious little thing" I glance up at him, my face heating up. I can't help it, I've never been this close to anyone.

"Sorry" I whisper, looking down at my hands again. I take a deep breath, copying what he had done to me earlier. I hook my fingers into his underwear and begin to pull them down. I pull them down as far as I can reach in my position. He steps out of them and I quickly look up at his face. He smirks, noticing I avoid looking between his legs.

He brings his hand up my back and slides his hand into my hair.

"Give me your hand" He said, not giving me much time to respond. Instead, he reached out with his free hand and grabbed mine.

My face goes even more red when he wraps my hand around him. It's hard. I can't bring myself to look, I'm so nervous.

"Look what you do to me, angel" He grips my hair and makes me look down. His hand is still on mine, guiding it along his length. I can feel it get even harder as I touch him.

He keeps his hand on mine for just a few more seconds, before pulling it away.

"Just like that, pretty girl" I bite my lip and continue to move my hand in the motion he showed me.

"Do you know why it's hard like that, angel?" I shake my head, unable to move my eyes now. I feel like I'm in a trance.

"All because of you" He pulls my head back so I'll look at him.

"You like stroking my cock, baby?" He smirks.

"Hm, I bet this little angel would be a perfect little cum slut. So obedient" I squeeze my hand around the tip, just a little bit of liquid oozing from it.

"How about, you do me a favour, sweetheart-" He backed up a little, roughly pulling me with him and off the bed. I fall onto the ground in front of him on my knees.

"Hm, the thought of fucking your throat just makes me even harder, angel" I look up at him, the look in his eye is wicked.

"But I want to fuck you, more than I want to do anything else. So, be a good girl for me and use this sweet looking mouth to coat my cock" He smiles down at me.

"I-I don't know what to do" I say shyly, bringing my hand to wrap around him again.

So many emotions are running through me.

"Spit on it" He instructs, pulling my face closer. I grip my hand tighter around him and push myself up higher on my knees. I glance up at him, his eyes not blinking for even a moment.

I look back down, trying to block out the fear. I don't want to mess it up. I want him to feel like I did. But I don't even know if I have the capability to do it.

I collect saliva into my mouth and then listen to his instruction, spitting on him.

"Now-" Before he tells me what to do, I use my hand to spread as much of it as I can down his length.

I've seen a world of art, with naked figures from the past. I never recognized it in a sexual way, but Harry's size is much larger than a lot of the art I've seen.

It makes my stomach flutter, wondering how this is possibly going to fit inside of me.

"You're such a good girl, angel" His tone is soft and it makes my body heat up. I like his praises. He moves his hand from my hair and brings it to my cheek, brushing it gently with his finger tips.

"Open your mouth for me" He says, his fingers touching my lips.

I listen to him and open my mouth. He places his hand on top of mine and guides himself towards my lips.

I lean forward, taking in whatever I can. It's not much, almost right away I choke.

He chuckles a little bit and I meet his gaze.

"Taking a lot in me not to shove my cock as far down your throat as I can get it" The look in his eye darkens slightly.

He pushes me, but not too much, but I choke and pull myself off of him. Saliva already dripping from my mouth.

"Hm, that's enough for now. Just wanted to get a little taste" He reaches down and grabs me, lifting me to my feet.

He pushes me onto the bed, my legs hanging over the edge.

"So many fucking things I want to do to this pretty body, angel" He places his hands on my thighs and shoves them apart before sliding them underneath my thighs and lifting them from the bed.

I wiggle around, realizing I have no control over this position. My bottom half is completely lifted from the bed.

He pulls me closer to the edge and I watch as he holds me up with one hand and the other wraps around his phallus.

My stomach tightens when his tip brushes against me.

"Tell me, angel. I want to hear you say how bad you want me to bury my cock inside of you" He looks down at me, his face is serious.

"I want it, Harry" I whisper, trying to move my hips closer. His serious expression turns into a smirk.

"Ask me to fuck you, baby" He says, watching as I struggle to try and pull him closer.

"But-" He cuts me off and digs his nails harshly into my skin.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" He asked, I look at him and nod shyly.

"Then say it" He snaps.

I've never used crude language, ever and my brain still can't understand why my body responds in pleasure to Harry's filthy words.

But I wanted him, something deep inside of me is craving to know what it's going to feel like.

"H-Harry, I-I want you to-" My face burns as I get flustered, trying to get the words out.

"I-I want you to fuck me" I'm almost in disbelief that I say it out loud. But Harry's devilish smirk grows wider.

"Such a good little angel" He hums quietly and then pushes against me.

I watch as he fixes his gaze directly into my eyes and slowly guides himself into me.

I can't describe it, how it feels. It's extremely intense.

But the way he pushes through my flesh is already making my vision go blurry.

I try to tighten my legs around him, so I can pull him closer. He stops me, roughly gripping both of my thighs.

Hes made sure he's in control.

"So soft, angel. Is this what heaven feels like?" I groan when he pulls almost out of me and then roughly drives into me while pulling me towards him at the same time.

I close my eyes, my hands holding the blanket underneath me tightly.

"Fuck" He breathes, quickly finding a pace that's making my eyes roll back. The pressure is unbelievably pleasureful. I don't know what to do with myself, I can't do anything. He has all of the power.

Every thrust of his hips gets harder and harder.

"Harry" I cry out his name, struggling in his hold. It feels so good.

Every moral I've held dear to me, is gone.

I'm finally able to catch my breath when he drops me back onto the bed, pulling out of me.

Every breath I take is shaky, my hands in fists as I try to calm myself.

"Sounds like someone enjoys getting fucked" I open my eyes and he's already starring at me.

"Hm, princess? Do like getting fucked?" I attempt to take a deep breath. I bite my lip and nod.

"Get up on the bed more" He instructs. I take another breath and then listen to him, pushing myself back onto the bed.

He followed me, grabbing me and without any effort, flips me onto my stomach.

"Now stick that pretty ass up for me, angel" Before I can respond, he grabs my hips and lifts me onto my knees. He pushes them apart, and his hands slide up my thighs until his fingers reached sensitive flesh.

My knees go weak when he rubs back and forth, I bury my face into the pillows on the bed. I grab ahold of one and hold onto it tightly.

"Harry!" I cry out his name when he pushes into me again without any warning.

"Yeah, angel? Does it feel good?" I whimper in response to him.

"Hm? I want an answer" He holds my hips tightly, thrusting into me at an overwhelming pace. I can barely breathe, let alone speak. He seemed to be getting even further inside me with this position.

I cry out when he slaps my butt, obviously getting impatient with my lack of words.

"I-It feels really good" I try to say it loud enough so he can hear me but I can't speak. My senses are completely over taken by pleasure.

"That's all I want to hear, angel. Those sweet little cries of pleasure" He slaps me again, but a bit lighter this time. It stings, but every part of it just adds to the knot forming in my stomach.

I'm a mess, if Harry wasn't holding my hips, I wouldn't be able to keep myself up.

I never understood humans who were driven by sex. Like it's a need. I never could have imagined that it would feel like this.

I feel Harry's fingers coming into my hair. He wraps it around his hand and then harshly yanks me up. I groan, feeling incredibly weak.

"Never would have thought an angel would be such a slut for cock" He wrapped his arm around my stomach and pulled my head back against his shoulder.

His thrusting decreases dramatically, but he's so deep inside of me and every little movement he makes sends pleasure through to my toes.

If he gets any deeper I feel like I might burst like a balloon.

He gently bites down against my shoulder, sucking on my skin while his hand that had been wrapped around my stomach, starts to lower.

I whine, knowing exactly what he's about to do and with both hands I grab his arm. I'm so sensitive, if he touches me, I definitely will burst from everything I'm feeling.

"Harry" I beg, trying to pull his hand away but he doesn't budge.

"You can handle it, angel" He whispers in my ear, his fingers once again touching me. But with him buried in me, the pleasure is immense.

"Harry, I-I can't" I whimper more, my nails clawing at his arm to try and pull him away.

I already feel so weak, I don't know how much more my body can take.

He ignored my weak little crys and moved his fingers in quick circles.

The knot in my stomach is so much tighter than when he used his tongue on me.

He rocked me against him and with that bit of movement, I can feel my body tensing.

"Nuh, uh, baby. You aren't coming yet" He pushed me off of him, pulling his hand away and out of me. I fall onto the bed and before I can do anything, he grabs me and turns me over.

He pushes my legs apart and gets on top of me.

He places a hand next to my head to hold himself up. Shyly, I reach my hands out to his face. I touch his cheeks for a moment before sliding my hands to his shoulders. He's so broad. I get distracted by the birds on his chest, tracing them each individually. I can't help but smile, they are very nice.

I glance up at him and bite my lip.

"Sorry, I just like these a lot" I whisper. He lifts my leg up against his hip and then leans down close to me. It's something I realize that I really like doing. I like kissing him.

I lift my other leg up against him, my hands coming back to hair and pulling him closer to me, connecting our lips.

He pulled back after a moment and with his free hand, brought it down my chest.

I jump a little when a shock of pleasure runs through me, his fingers lightly pulling on my nipple. He lowers his hand down and I watch as he wraps his hand around himself. He strokes along his length and then rubs the tip against me.

"Can't wait to fill with my cum, angel" He drives into me hard, my back arching from the bed at the feeling. My nails digging into the back of his neck.

Out of the positions he's had me in, I liked this one the best. He's warm.

He isn't gentle, but I enjoyed our closeness.

"Such a pretty little angel, now my own little slut" He whispered, leaning close to me again and brushing my lips. He doesn't kiss me, instead he moves his lips down my jaw.

I pull on his hair, moaning. I look between our bodies, watching as he pulls out just to plunge back into me.

I gently pull his hair again, guiding his lips back up to mine. I wanted to taste them again. I hold onto his cheeks, both of our moans being muffled by our kiss.

It's much messier, our tongues swirling together and making the pleasure even stronger. I hold him against my lips, refusing to let him pull them away from me.

He let's me do it for just a little longer before roughly grabbing my arms and pinning them to the bed.

He bites my lip before moving to my neck again.

He begins to quicken his pace again, sending me down a spiral of pleasure I could never imagine. Every second of it is...bliss.

I don't have to think, I just take in every feeling of it and it's incredible.

"You feel that, angel? Those little walls of your clenching against my cock?" He groans against my neck, teeth sinking into my neck.

He sucks on my skin again, before moving his lips up to my ear.

"Softest cunt I've ever fucked" He whispers before pushing himself up onto his knees and grabbing my hips.

My mind goes numb when he drives into me harder than he has all night. I'm crying in pleasure, my hands grabbing at his hands again.

It's so extreme, pleasure consuming every fibre of my being.

"Harry" I moan, the familiar feeling of my body tensing up.

"Is this sweet little angel about to come all over my cock?" His thrusts become more sloppy, but my mind is somewhere else.

I've never felt like this before.

It's pure bliss and I can't comprehend it.

It rips through me like tidal waves and I cry out his name repetitively as it washes over me.

"Fuck, fuck, angel" He swears under his breath, pushing himself as deep into me as he could possibly get and holding my hips tight. He doesn't pull out this time, he stops his thrusts suddenly.

I feel the release, my body still tightening around him.

"Sweet little pussy is taking every last drop from me, angel" He takes a breath, looking down at me before finally pulling out.

_____

My mind is still reeling. Trying to comprehend everything that just happened.

I watch as Harry buttons up his shirt slowly.

What's going to happen now?

I pull on my dress, reaching behind me and pulling up the zipper.

It doesn't feel real and suddenly, I feel so unclean.

Why did I do this? How could I do this?

How could I betray everything I know?

It scares me even more because I enjoyed it.

I glance at Harry, watching as he pulled on his jacket.

He hasn't said anything. Just looking at me every once in a while as he got dressed.

I didn't know what to make of him and I hate myself for even thinking about the chance of this happening with him again.

"What's going to happen now?" I ask softly.

"What now?" Suddenly, he's mocking me.

I watch in fear as the green in his eyes quickly disappears into black.

"Oh, darling" He shakes his head, laughing at me.

"You really are, so naive" I back away from him, fear filling my stomach. What's happening?

"You thought you could trust me? A demon?" He steps towards me, an evil smile on his face.

"Did you truly think you were anything but a toy for me to play with?" He follows my footsteps, but I'm stopped by the wall.

"God, it was so easy manipulating you" He scoffed, standing right in front of me.

I try to will myself away but nothing happens and he chuckles even more.

His eyes seem even darker than before.

I'm so confused, I tear up, looking at him. But his expression is unphased.

He pulls the blade from his jacket and points it at me.

"I'm just doing my job, sweetheart" He reaches down and roughly grabs my left hand and turns it face up.

"No, please don't" I cry, tears falling down my cheeks.

I'm trying to will up any power I can, but it's blocked and I don't know how.

"So stupid, I never needed you to get the boy" He snaps.

He brings the blade to my palm and traces it. I fight him, as hard as I can. I know what he's doing.

Only angels know of this curse.

I've only heard whispers of it, whispers of some of the punishments angels face when they stray.

It's knowledge a demon shouldn't have.

I do everything I can, but his strength is no match.

I cry out in pain as he carves into my hand and then, everything goes dark.

[gyllenhaalstories]

Hi Laurie! 💛

You know what's coming, hehe 👀

I saw this in another fandom and now I'm sending the same question to a bunch of Jake girlies (gn) because it’s so interesting seeing everybody’s answers!

Who are your Top 3 Jake boys and why? Is there a specific piece of art (fic, gif, fan art, etc.) for them that you like a lot?

hiiiiiiiiii!!! 💖 i do know what's coming teehee! i love his characters so much. even if the movie is not up my alley, his character always stands out. i'll watch everything he's in just because i'm obsessed (except spirit untamed, it is against my principle to support this horrible version of spirit the stallion of the cimarron) i just love them like they're just so neat i love them so much. OKAY TIME TO CHOOSE.

Elwood Dalton

i cannot believe that davis was dethroned as my forever ultimate favorite character but he was. dalton is so special to me. i've been obsessed with him since the very beginning when i was looping videos to get his full name and start writing for him immediately. so he's been living in my mind rent from for a LONG and i hope he never leaves. i lost count of how many times i've watched the movie (especially the scenes with laura!!!), it's so good. i'm already seated for the sequel idc what people say i want it and i will love it! also, i love how dalton ressembles billy and lou! the scene where he punches the guy to death and tell him how he will perish was so hot like like welcome back lou bloom you were missed <3 dalton is funny, and suicidal and caring and violent and what more could i ask? yeah okay i could ask to use his titties as pillows to fall asleep on.

my absolute favourite dalton creations are the wonderful gifs that @stephendorff made! i proclaim myself as their biggest fan when it comes to jake's gifs because oh my god the talent!!! i adore the parallel gifsets, so let me link you to a bunch! omg me when + nice hoodie + so bloody yum + i will cover these men with hello kitty bandaids + need both of them at the same time.

Detective Loki

he's an obvious one! jack twist, donnie darko and detective loki must be the most well loved characters in this fandom FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS. i love loki. i'm convinced deep in my soul that he would absolutely despise me. i can't shut up, i'm clingy as fuck and we'd spend most of his rare free time watching barbie movies. but it could be nice! i'd pack him his lunch, i'd learn to iron his shirts, i'd follow him to his barber and beg the man to give me the same haircut... like, we'd have a good life! aside from getting eaten alive by the constant fear that loki is in danger but shh. i love loki so much, i love all of the mysterious details about him, i love that jake played such a big part into building this character.

there are SO many amazing fics for detective loki, and rightfully so! he deserves it! in my opinion, @det-loki is the best writer. star captures loki in such an unique way, her writing feels like deleted scenes & extra footage from the movie. i know i always recommend star when it comes to loki fics but if you've ever read what she's posted, you would do the same! @charliehoennam has also posted some amazing det loki fics recently that i cannot recommend enough!!! here are the links: cat n mouse, dinner date & the dinner party (my personal favourite!).

Tommy Cahill

when i watched brothers, i conveniently just... skipped the military scenes. so the movie was all about tommy and i loved it. wow what a sweet romcom. i just love him. he's fun and sweet and he has had it so rough with his family that treats him like a black sheep. his father is acting like tommy is the failure when the only failure i'm seeing is a parent who failed to love his child like he deserved. AND I WOULD GIVE HIM ALL THE LOVE HE NEEDS! endless unconditional love. all he wants is to have a family of his own and be happy and become a better person. i have no doubt that he has what it takes to achieve his goals. he's my beanie baby and i love him to the moon and back.

controversy alert! but... i'm not mad at tommy and grace for kissing (skipping most of sam scenes helps a lot) but like... he was nice to grace for the most part, he helped her with the kitchen, he was so fun with the kids... he can't do anything wrong you know? i have horrible morals, i'm aware. so i'll just link to the video of the kiss scene because i love it and i love watching it and i wish it was me.

my top 3 usually fluctuates, but i'd say that overall, it's the same five characters that are on rotation. dalton, loki, tommy, davis and right now the 5th position is switching between john kinley & jerry brinson. i do want to say that i was pleasantly surprised with how much i liked anthony swofford and brian taylor when i watched their respective movies, i didn't think i'd enjoy their characters much but it might be time to retire my #1 bald!jake hater title. it was so hard to choose though. i feel bad for the ones i left out. i love you danny! and billy! and donnie! and adam! and holden! and okay fine i'll shut up. i know i've told you already, but this was such a sweet initiative to go around and spread some joy!!! thank you for doing this, and for sending it to me as well! 🥰

[system-of-a-feather]

(more programming / TBMC / RAMCOA talk; nothing too heavy, same as last post, we just put it under the cut for ourselves cause these topics don't benefit most parts to engage with and thus we kept it off our own notifications)

But honestly, lately with how far into recovery we are and how much on and off fusing with XIV has stabilized me a lot more and made me a lot more clear with who I am and all that shit, I've largely been thinking a lot on the shit I've been through and all the parts I've been, cause at this point, I'm really trying to reconnect with my scattered subsystem parts.

Less so "scattered" and more so long lost because - for those that don't know / havent followed - like nine months or so ago an old version of myself that went by Data just kind of imploded under a lot of stress, pressure, trauma, and self destructive loops that were set off by the way we were healing and what not.

It was honestly really fucked up and a really unfair cause we were genuinely trying really hard to be "a good part" but programming and shit kept had us between "literally dying and at complete overload" or "doing shit that hurts ourselves and the system" and so we'd always just end up doing shit that caused problem and honestly, we had done everything we could to remove ourselves in that form from the picture in a healthy and failed multiple times - and so it was honestly kinda super fucked that when trying to stop existing, we instead shattered into like 4 or 5 parts

But in the end of it, I was a part that existed as a complete - for lack of better words - "burn out" and very extreme "turned off" response to the programs that were being regularly triggered prior to self implosion and it was a huge mess at first, but it ended up with me becoming the host of that subsystem and really? As much hell as it was, the implosion and generation of another subsystem really I think disconnected a lot of the experiences we had as Data and managed to shut down a number of parts to actually let me develop beyond just a "burnt out" state.

And in hindsight? It really worked because while I'm still Data, still part of that heavily and completely fucked programmed original part, I was "generated" in a state of literally being unable to deal with anything and as a part to cope with that and with space, really became a more developed part who is centered around the ability to cope and deal with what we were programmed to do and to.... NOT do that.

And now that I'm a lot more stable and full of a part, I honestly can go back and collect and look back at our experiences of how things have happened and how each part felt and worked and put things back together. At this point I hold almost everything Data originally did. I can look back and replay things and understand things and understand where everything came from, but I'm *not* Data - I'm Chunn (everyone in the brain says I should start spelling it Cheng or at least claim that as my secret Chinese name because its pronounced the same but I like the Chunn spelling so they can fuck off /hj)

And in that sense, the thing Data wanted so bad - to not be here and to not be in the way and to have anything but chronic stress and trauma responses and to just not cause problems for everyone in a desperate attempt to feel safe again - while it's not at all in the way he wanted or imagined it to be, he - we - got it. I don't resemble him much at all anymore, and that's sad in it's own way, but at the same time, is that not the very wish itself? To be ourselves but in a form we created and not in the form someone else created us for?

Anyways, these days it's kind of funny cause I basically serve a roll for the system that is the OPPOSITE of what we were programmed to do and while other parts are not as "impacted" as I was, I do end up sitting here and looking at the "less impacted" parts and go "Okay well that came from this shit I did and you don't notice it but that behavior of yours is intended to synergize (negatively) with what I was programmed to do so I'm going to tell you that I don't want to participate in that"

Cause as much as we were the overtly programmed part, I'm really realizing that it neither started nor ended with me and it really is oddly nice to be able to look at that and help in detangling this garbage.

And not to go into the details for safety reasons, but recently our therapist asked a question to Riku / Fei as to why we were doing XYZ and not another thing that would be more in character for them - and at the time they came up with some round about reason and explanation to which I had to ask, when they were thinking about it the next day, ".... is it not just because [feeling and condition that I know was an active major trigger]? Because you know you can state that and that is a perfectly valid and healthy thing to say. You are allowed to think that." and the genuine level of which they seemed to very hesitantly state it to themselves as if they were afraid to Set Something Off - it just really clicked something with me.

Cause that would have been me. That would have been me that would have been set off. That would have been me that would have changed that thought into a borderline / active crisis and/or mess that would be far more stress than just compliance to the programming. And in this moment, not only was I NOT being Set Off by it, but I was encouraging them to try it again despite many many many years of reinforced "if you do that you will regret it"

And it's really kind of nice to see. I can't think as original Data would, I barely can comprehend just how stuck that version of me was - they were so deeply intertwined in the programming its unfathomable even though it was me and I have the memories of it. Thus, I can't say "Data would be happy and proud to see where we've come", but I would like to think - even in the hell they were in - that theyd be comforted to know where we ended up.

But I digress. I felt like sharing this most of today cause man have we come far.

[loving-jin]

Do you ever think about life - Kim Seokjin

Summary: lazy, comfort time with Jin who deals with your romantic existential thoughts Pairings: Jin x yn (female) Warnings: none, just love and comfort Words: 731 All rights reserved

Hello! I am back again for a drabble about my sweet man, Jin! It's just a silly comfort one I wrote for the times we feel like we need a little bit more love:) Feedback and reblogs are appreciatable!

The soft light of the long-risen sun was reflecting on your face as you stretched your arms a little, snuggling better in your bed. You felt a familiar scent back on your nostrils, a scent that reminded you of home. It was no other of your boyfriend, Seokjin. In your teddy matching pajamas that Jin highly insisted that you both buy on a random shopping spree on a free day, you laid peacefully in bed, your head safely tucked under Jin's jaw. His hand was lazily drawing circles on your back, slowly as he touched you between small naps that the both of you occasionally got. Your breath was even from the comforting scenery and the fact that not you nor your boyfriend had nowhere to go. You were thanking great heavens for Jin's well earned vacation given by his company. The soft scent of Jin's earthy aroma mixed with the remaining of his always worn fragrance was intoxicating to you, making you feel as if you were flying at the sky during a midnight dream.

"Baby?" you asked quietly, breaking the comfortable silence covering the both of you. The thing with Jin was that you didn't need to be talking or feeling anxious about finding any topics to start a conversation, your mind and heart was at the same ease while being silent. "Hm?" his raspy voice echoed against your ear, this being the only thing audible in the room, "what is it sweetheart?" a small smile appeared on his face, the kind of the ones you loved that were full of comfort and love. "Do you ever think about life?" you looked up to meet his eyes, placing your head against his shoulder. Seokjin made sure to place his arms differently so he'd still be engulfing you in his embrace. "Hm I'm not sure what you mean there" he chuckled lightly while fixing his position against the pillows so he could lock eyes with you. "Do you ever think how life would be if we didn't meet? How the smallest of events actually mean so much to the people we become?" you frowned on your own thoughts. "Hm" he tilted his head slightly, an also puzzled look on his face as he seemed to be thinking about it deeply. It was amazing how he'd always seem to be minding you and your worries no matter how small or stupid they seemed.

"It seems you've thought about it quite well" he humphed, his long fingers twirling the edges of your hair. "I've starting to realize how important this is. For moments like these. Where I can be myself" your grip became a little bit tighter around his torso. Jin turned down to you and smiled once again, sitting up, so his back was against the bed board. Swiftly, he passed his hands under your waist, placing you on his stretched out legs. Your arms naturally found their way around him as your front was against Jin's chest. Quietly, he rocked you just a tiny bit, your cheek squished against his broad chest. "I've been starting to get life more seriously now that I'm with you hm?" he looked down at you as he placed his finger under your chin encouraging you to meet his sight. "I do think of stuff like that sometimes. I don't know how or why, but we ended up together. And I'm so grateful for those series of events. Cause those have changed my life for the better" he said placing a small kiss on your lips, smiling.

"You are indeed the best part of me" you smiled back. "I'm not" Jin nodded negatively, grinning. "Hey" you frowned, pouting. "I don't want you to discredit yourself even a tiny bit. All this awesomeness comes directly from you. I don't play any role. I believe every different people bring out a different version of ourselves. And I'm happy to know that you bring out mine. My love, my darling" "Jin, what you said was so beautiful" you giggled, kissing his cheek. "Do I get more kisses for stuff like these?" he giggled back at your cuteness, before planting one on his own. "Hey, I'm the rewarder here" you playfully told him. "What about a change of roles?" he frowned teasingly before starting to pepper your face with kisses. He was indeed the one. The one for you.

[spaceyshideaway]

𝐻𝒾𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝑅𝑒𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝐵𝓊𝓉𝓉𝑜𝓃

When reflecting on my life, I realized it was nothing but a Sisyphean journey. Obstacle after obstacle, and just when I think I've made it to the top and can finally breathe, my boulder will fall back down the mountain... pulling me down to hell like a deadly ball and chain. As Ellis Grey once said, "The carousel never stops turning. You can never get off." Life goes on regardless of whether you are ready, and there is no time to catch up. Therefore, I have decided to take charge of my life. I will explore the depths of the universe, wander far and wide, and try to understand why I have always felt like the universe's punching bag.

I am hitting the restart button and erasing my past. I believe that it is important to learn from your past, but if you let it define you, can you really consider it your past? My past has never been a shadow; it has always been mixed with the present, and I could never walk away from it. Today, I am reclaiming myself, and I am becoming someone else. I will learn to carry myself like the person I aspire to be.

With this, I have three goals:

Become healthy, both physically and mentally

Improve my financial situation

Gain self-love and confidence

I will become the best version of myself, I already see a therapist but it's time to find a psychiatrist, a primary doctor, and lastly overcome my worst fear... a dentist. This will be a challenge, I have had a huge fear of the dentist since I was 16, and they drilled into my teeth without proper numbing... I felt EVERYTHING. However, the person I want to be has great health and does not let fear control her, so a dentist appointment will come but first let's do the easy part!

I used to be extremely resilient. Started working at 16, in order to be able to have money to get away from my house. My father was always more inclined to help out my brothers so I knew from an early age that if I wanted to do anything in life, I had to provide it for myself. I think the best example of this was when I had to work for over a year to save up enough money to pay for college while my father paid for my brother's tuition. Anyways, COVID eventually came and my hours got cut at my job, and I had to drop out. Going from working 50 hours a week as well as attending school full-time, I had my first major manic episode. I never fully recovered and created a long list of job instability and mental instability. It's time to change that, in February I am starting a certificate program that will improve my qualifications to expand my career options. Until then, let's just get a job that will pay the bills.

Lastly, I want to know what it feels like to walk into a room and not feel small. I want to stand tall, with grace and flair. I want to be a powerful force of nature that leads with empathy and confidence. I want to take pictures of myself again, and not only walk the earth but leave a mark. It's hard to make an impact when I am constantly sitting in the corners or just not even showing up. I let clothes wear me and hide me, I try my best not to exist or step on toes. I put myself last because I believe other people will always be better than me. I'm not saying I want to be better than anyone, but I am saying that I just want to allow myself to exist unapologetically.

This is the beginning of my journey and the reclaiming of my power. I invite you to come watch, or if you are feeling up to it... come hit the restart button with me and we can guide each other. This is the community I want to build, and I hope to see you in it.

[lizaluvsthis]

What got you to start drawing the boys do you take requests? Cause I like the cafe au

IT MIGHT SEEM CRAZY ON WHAT IM BOUT TO S-

When I said I've been a SMG4 fan for 4 years, I left the channel for i dunno how many weeks or months has it been. Then one day I saw WOTFI 2023 recommended in my youtube page and was.

"Wotfi 2023? But I thought- wait- who are these characters again?"

Turns out I forgot that Ive only seen SMG4 and SMG3's (cocomelon ass) designs during wotfi 2022 where it was both of their first redesigns from the movie. I stopped watching for a bit cuz I got busy.

Then I came back to see they were both redesigned in a better version now. Now that I thought about "where was their second redesign then?"

So I knew that I had to binge watch every single episodes from smg4's channel right after wotfi 2022

I then saw how much Three has changed ever since after the 2022th christmas episode.

If I were to be honest, watching igbp for the first time in my life even Mar10 day. I was about 85% sure that Smg3 worries too much for Smg4's sake.

They both are cosmically linked and three can feel what the other of his partner is feeling soooooo?

*circles both of my hands*

Three's gay. He looked fruity he felt fruity. During the movie and during right after he helped four's ass to get his channel back from running again.

It suddenly gave me some time for my brain to tell me "DUDE WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS COULD BE A HINT- THIS IS MAYBE AN ENEMIES TO LOVERS!" I responded to my brain like- HELL YEAH I'M NOTING THAT DOWN.

Cuz I cant just sit here and just "watch the movie without sayin nothin" I HAD to do something AND make analysis about it because thats what I do when I notice simple details!

So when smg3 confessed those feelings of his to Smg4 and even running to save his life back again and even after saying "we're friends!" This gave me a bit of a shock. Three. Did you know what you did? Did you realize how much it meant for smg4? Did you FORGET- that you said you and him werent friends during the 2020th wotfi?

So then after all of this time... that means smg3 has been the one and always a tsundere to smg4

Even after the castle disappeared, him and three's chemistry started going into an actual progress from both of their chemistry from the relationship.

Thats a dedication for me right there. I do it not only for fun, I do it for my wants, have, and needs.

I know its funny for a minor like me to do all of this dedicaded in just a simple job, I have all kinds of specialities to include my works and skills and use them for this fandom again from how I did to the past ones. (But those past fandoms are dead-)

Ahem- what was I talking about again? Oh right- 3 and 4... sorry got a little bit too chatty-

So I noticed even more about Smg3's notebook and was like- "gahd damn- three had his own personal notebook this whole time?! Whats even inside of it? I'm curious..." so yeah-

Now jumping to where I watched 2023 of wotfi again (twice now) to see its context about it- I was flabberGHASTED in after the "drawing" and also the mysterious tv guy whose also appearing on as the final antagonist in the modern era and a new one from the new era.

"Holysht. This is about to go bonkers for the fans making up stuff about those 'what-ifs' that smg4 made from the previous video back then. (The part where waluigi won or desti being alive)

I'm curious enough to see what happens and even if its about tv adware. Yes too.

(THERE. In November I started to become quite more invested from the fandom and decided to drop in my luggage and load out all of my junks called Info-Analysis?)

So- hello! (Again-) :D it was a pleasure meeting every and one of you all- I stopped in just to come back from the fandom that I never made commentary about but now I can ^^

I started with doodling and knowing basic anatomy and shapes of SMG3 and SMG4's design (the new one) so that I could start on doodling about them. But what I didnt expect for myself is that I had created a long time chapter of "Indigo Secret" that wasn't supposed to be there on purpose.

It was just supposed to be a "silly" comic about it from where ■■■■■■■■ to ■■■■■■■ about the problem and then the part in this that came into ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ from ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■

*BEEP*

I took myself a big motive after my blog gained 10+ followers and more notes. I thought working here 24/7 would make me feel something more for destiny and the trip!

So- yeah. Work. :) even when I'm at school I also complete my assignments and all of the shts and after that I can continue on with continuing the pages and with some cute doodles with the boys from a scenario playing through my head.

Now you have me making all of this and that ^^

Thats whay I'm popular for :)

--

---

--

2nd answer...

Thank you for liking the cafe au! It means so much to the both for me and shay from the collab to move on!

I did say from my boundaries I take free art request 1 at a time only- and I could allow a second art request if I do have the time ^^

Yes I do take art request :)

(Except for-

oc-shipping with SMG3/SMG4 cuz they're both together in the au

NSFW

Some stuff that I can't approve on-)

Ask away :)

Thanks for asking me stuffs anon I really enjoy talking ^^

[thedemonscrawler]

gonna procrastinate on writing by talking about writing woo

So, fun fact! Permission Slip is usually being written on two different documents at once, which should be but are not actually identical? And neither of them match the actual AO3 version you guys read?

1st Draft

The first draft is written with a combination of OpenOffice and Google Docs.

(I'll get to why that says Mobile Copy in a sec)

The OpenOffice document is meant to be the Master Draft of the fic. It's the entire story so far-- outline, notes, all the chapters written and the bits of chapters we haven't gotten to yet.

Yeah, it's lengthy. The reason it says 'Active Version' is starting around Chapter 5, I began saving a copy of the document up to the most recent chapter finished.

This is because of how I write scenes out of order, and having an older draft lets me go back for things that got rewritten. It's also really neat to see how various ideas evolved over the story, or how old some of the scenes are.

OpenOffice has the Master Draft, not just because it can handle it, but so I can put my laptop into airplane mode and write offline if I really need to focus. But the story doesn't stay there!

If you've seen the snippets I've shared, you know that sometimes they're highlighted in grey, like this:

(yeah you enjoy that snippet from Chapter 15)

The grey highlights are a system to tell myself 'this is a section that needs to be copied over to the other document', almost always a section I have just written that session. Feels good to have a whole page in grey.

So from OpenOffice, the grey sections are copied over to GoogleDocs, and become the 2nd Draft.

2nd Draft

..okay, so there are actually TWO GoogleDoc copies of Permission Slip. One of them is a 'master' version, just like the Open Office file. The other is the Mobile version. The master version has all of the chapters and outline and stuff, while the Mobile copy only goes back one or two chapters prior to the current one. Why?

Cos it turns out that when a document gets to be around 110 pages long, Docs starts being a little bitch and lags real bad on mobile, or starts crashing. So the mobile version was made so I could type on my phone. Same deal, new sections are highlighted in grey and copied back to the OpenOffice version when I'm on the laptop again.

Since the GoogleDocs version can be worked on from multiple locations, it's the one that gets the most edits. If there are substantial changes made they'll be copied back to the OpenOffice document, but minor edits aren't as crucial, and there are some sections that are pretty different between the two now.

From the GoogleDocs version on to the final(ish) version:

3rd Draft

The AO3 version should match the GoogleDocs version, and for the most part it does-- but not always. That last minute readthrough to catch all the spaces added after italics is also a time for minor edits. Missing words, dialogue rewrites, etc. There's one chapter that had a chunk written in the editor, but unfortunately I can't remember which one it is now 8'D only that it's between chapters 9 and 12. Naturally the AO3 version is the one you guys get to see.

Uuuuh yeah so. Overcomplicated system, go!

Also if you want a word processor for free, I recommend LibreOffice! Its based on the same open source software as OpenOffice, only it's actually still being updated and stuff (I still use OO just cos it's what I have 8'D).

Unfortunately I have yet to find a word processing app with cloud-based storage that can be edited from multiple devices, so I can't replace GoogleDocs with something better.

[hxneydreamers]

✨THE ONLY THING YOU NEED TO GET EVERY DESIRE✨

My biggest struggle this year began when my SP and I separated. My focus was all over the place as I had just begun a new job - what was supposed to be my dream job. My mental diet completely slipped because I did not put in the time to identify what was triggering me, and I instead used my free time to desperately affirm for my SP. All my energy was on things external to me, and when I didn't see results, my self-concept got worse and worse until even my job became horrible. I was in the worst place ever and I felt trapped.

I took a break from manifestation and basically fell victim to my 3D until one day I had a breakdown and begged the 'universe' for some sort of sign of what to do. That same weekend I bumped into a friend who started telling me that she saw on Facebook that we were both part of a manifestation group. She proceeded to tell me about how she manifested her SP back with self-concept only - their situation was almost exactly the same as mine. This was the sign I needed.

That same week I decided to just start fresh and approach this with a new perspective. My goal was no longer my SP, but myself. My goal was to be happy again, to be fulfilled, to be the best and most fulfilled version of myself, to be chosen and irreplaceable, and to know that no one compares to me in my reality. Yes, I still wanted my SP, so if he came to my mind I would affirm a few things, but I would always steer my thoughts back to me and my self-concept.

This is what I have manifested so far by focusing only on my self-concept:

My anxiety and depression basically subsided almost overnight

Genuine joy, confidence & fulfillment with or without my specific desires.

More friends in my life, social opportunities, and experiences

My workplace has become so much more tolerable, and even enjoyable.

Opportunities for my career and access to expensive facilities and services for free.

New and amazing friendships at work (one of the biggest factors contributing to work getting better).

I did not feel like I fit in with my old team and didn't like my old desk, and I manifested being moved to a new team in the new year and have moved to the best and brightest desk in my part of the office.

A free trip away.

A random urge to completely change my hair and my look (didn't realize until after I did it that it was inspired action to shift into the new version of me.)

I manifested CRAZY AMOUNTS OF ATTENTION FROM GUYS! All year I had literally 0 action, and suddenly since I started working on my self-concept I have had options appearing out of nowhere.

New romantic options, including ones with similar vibes and similar situations as my SP.

Old crushes, old friends, people from the past & exes coming back!

Repeating numbers EVERYWHERE!!!!!! So many 1111 and 111's.

The craziest of all of this was that in the last 2 weeks I have had 2 guys come into my life:

The first one is a guy from the past who lives in another country on the other side of the world. He has the same name as my SP and is constantly messaging me, trying to organise trips for us to see each other and have a romantic getaway. (I know right, what the hell!?)

The second guy is the most recent in my life. He ALSO has the same name as my SP, but the weirdest part is that he has a similar personality and many similar traits to my SP. It's eerie. This relationship is the one that has progressed the most out of all of the options I've had come around, which makes me think this is all birds before land.

Lastly, my SP has been messaging me on all platforms much more frequently than usual. He even told me he has a gift for me. I have not seen this guy since March this year.

My affirmations:

I am torturously unbeatable, unforgettable, irresistible & irreplaceable

I am always chosen, come back to, and fallen deeply in love with

No one compares to me

No one holds a candle to me

I am the prize, I am the ideal

All the guys I want are deeply in love with me and want me a million times more than I want them

I am the most wanted, confident, magnetic, irresistible & irreplaceable person in the world

Please take this as a sign to:

Not stress about what you are affirming, when it comes to self-concept it doesn't matter how many you have. Just soothe yourself and become who you want to be

Stop stressing about your desires and start focusing on yourself. The rest will just fall into place.

Take your focus off things external from you. You only want them because you think they will make you happy. If you just focus on making yourself happy, then you will naturally manifest the desires that will contribute to that happiness.

I was spiraling and stuck in a cycle of picking new SP affirmations, reacting, back to square 1, and repeating. Since I began just focusing on self-concept, I've genuinely become the most confident, abundant, happy, and chosen version of myself ever.

Do I have moments of doubt and worry? Yes, I am only human. What do I do when this happens? I take a moment to acknowledge how I feel and listen to my body. I meditate when I feel like I need to rest my mind a bit (I like to use Dylan James' self-concept meditations on youtube - highly recommend! I also like to sleep with his meditations), or if I'm feeling up to it, I set a 10-20 minute timer and loop my affirmations confidently in my head.

I am currently feeling random waves of the old story coming up in my mind and dreams, and random triggers coming up in the 3D, trying to bring me back to my old identity, but I know this is just a purge of the old, because I'm certain I am just about to fully shift into this new version of myself.

I will update you on my progress soon, and hope this inspires you to keep going and just focus on YOU! You are the star, after all, no desire outside of you deserves your attention more than you do.

Also, I am finally opening up coaching again! I will be taking people at a much slower pace than before, as I literally get 100's of messages from different people and it can be hard to stay caught up as I do have a full-time job (and 2nd job) outside of this. If you need my help with anything, please reach out and I will do my best to get to you.

Due to the high volume of dm's for coaching that I get, I am considering finding a new way of approaching coaching, so stay tuned for that.

Sending love! 🧡✨

[mdhwrites]

How sick are you of the "TOH season 3 was bad because of Disney" argument?

I feel bad that I've been talking about the shortening as much as I have lately and this ask feels like a part of that. XD It's probably the one thing that the troll from a bit ago really got under my skin with and what seemed to piss them off the hardest. The idea that I was 'blatantly ignoring the circumstances' that led to the problems in the show.

But frankly, I just don't hear the argument being used much anymore. That might just partially be because at this point, I feel like I see more Amphibia art than I see Owl House art on my timeline because... Who is really defending this show at this point? It seems like even die hards are glancing back and fidgeting about it, like that person who I reblogged about the glyphs. That was a decently popular post for something that should have been controversial considering how theoretically important the glyphs are to at least the branding of the show.

S3 in general seems to have left a really bad taste in people's mouths and it's not hard to see why. When you had two and a half hours of content to give your story a proper bang of a finish, even if you can't make it all cohere thematically or the like, you should be able to do SOMETHING. That's WAY longer than most movies and TOH didn't have to do the first two act of establishment that most movies need to do. They had their players, they had their villains, they had their stakes and they never have to find an answer on their own to the Collector or Belos so they effectively already had their solution. They were setup to have payoff after payoff after payoff.

But I made an entire blog about how S3 could never have been great... Because what was there to payoff? Beating Belos is about the ONLY thing S2 left for the cast to do, especially once the second special came around and the interesting elements of the Collector were killed. He's just a sad but playful boy, just like Hunter was sad but mad and Amity was sad but smart. We had no other villains that we as an audience were connected to, all the character arcs were done, to the point where they have to make shit up for Willow so they can do SOMETHING with her and even that feels like shipping fodder, and the thematics were left so far down the road that... What can you say about the ending positively besides "I'm happy everyone is alive and seems happy where they are"?

None of these issues only arose in S3 of TOH though and I think that's the real problem for the fandom right now. Literally the longer the show has gone on, the more its inherent flaws in its writing become obvious as well as the fact that these writers simply aren't good enough to improvise off of the flaws in their own writing to make it better. We have no one who is Toriyama during the Cell Arc here where they can change on the fly and actually build off of what has to now be discarded. Or, hell, me, because I don't plan my stories from go but I take GREAT pride in being able to build on surprises I leave for myself on accident. Remember: The Power of Love did not start even with that title or Boscha planned to ever make more than joke appearances. Now it has a lot of people's favorite versions of both Boscha and Amity.

And that story is over a hundred chapters long. I had at least another hundred chapters of plans in mind. But when my brain stopped working for it and I decided I needed to write an ending so readers could be satisfied, I managed to do one in six parts that word count wise was probably at most 15k words. Not that long frankly but I was able to highlight the mended relationship between Amity and Boscha, how far Boscha had come socially as to be able to ignore those who might have gotten under her skin before, her better relationship with Luz, tie up the biggest loose ends and get them all together.

Was it entirely coherent? No. Was it as impactful as it could have been had I done all my plans? Of course not. But it was satisfying and true to the story and none of it wasted my audiences' time while still giving them an ending that was not only poignant to what had come because of how far Boscha had come but also just give the audience what they wanted. I knew what to cut and I knew what was important.

The Owl House never knew what was important to it though. Never met an idea it didn't like. So... How do you end a story that has never had a focus, clear thematics, plot, world or even characters? That throws everything into the kitchen sink and just waves away the elements in the sink that will stop them from adding new elements that will never get past the surface?

In a lot of spectacle that shows you were always a lot more shallow than you claimed and that's gonna leave a lot of people cold. I know it did for me, even well before the finale.

=========

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

[layingeggs]

Lost Kingdoms monsters that I like

Lately I've been playing a gamecube gem called Lost Kingdoms. It's kind of like if the Dark Souls crew got drunk and marathoned Cardcaptor Sakura and made a game about it.

Hang on, I can talk about this without mentioning Dark Souls.

It's kind of like if a bunch of Japanese young men obsessed with JR Tolkien growing up got drunk and marathoned Cardcaptor Sakura and made a game about it.

I want to talk about the monsters. Not necessarily the 'best' ones or even my personal favourite ones. Specifically the ones that made me unconsciously do my babytalk voice every time they appeared onscreen. Same as when you're out and about and see a cat you recognise.

This is banshee. Her card art shows her looking kind of like a nun in bondage? That's already very cool imagery, sex appeal aside. Sex appeal included just makes her better.

Look closely at her in game model, you can see she has a wispy tail like a ghost. But the affect of the tail becoming slightly transparent towards the end is not very visible.

When I tried showing my wife another of my favourite cards, a worm, she thought that that was this one. Without visible transparency, banshee does kind of look like a worm. Maybe she would have been a better monster as a worm! But ghost girl is good too.

And yeh, I took these pictures myself. There's probly better ones out there online, but I wanted to get the pictures of the actual cards I had collected, the friends I made on my journey with this game. They are my babies. They are my girls.

This is carbuncle. Maybe the first monster in this game who I really fell in love with. We're already off to a great start. Some kind of armadillo or pangolin with long floppy ears and forehead gemstone.

What you're not getting in pictures though is the noise. This creature makes a kind of sea animal singing noise? Like a gentle playful seagull. Very sweet.

I filled my deck with as many carbuncle as I could in the early game. Was useful back then. Sadly doesn't keep pace with the difficulty of later game levels, so I don't have as many decks with baby carbuncle in.

This is cockatrice. She's kind of, the first secret boss you can find in the game? Sort of? To me, I think she was the first notable challenge I really overcame. Also, some of the starting game monsters can be leveled up to evolve into her. So I feel like she's almost my starter monster if that makes sense?

Very cute. Very sweet. Though of course a pretty standard cockatrice. Turns you to stone. Very useful in early levels. Still useful in later levels.

Crystal rose. Pretty lady. Boobies.

She reminds me of the flower girl in Castlevania Symphony of the Night. One of the few characters in media to give me distant aching girl feelings from childhood all through to adulthood. I wish I was her.

Sweet baby rheebus. Kind of a useless card? My introduction to this card is that sea monk can be leveled up and evolve into rheebus. Lost Kingdoms plays some nasty tricks on you like this. Rheebus is very good, but also a weaker version of sea monk. Allowing sea monk to evolve into rheebus makes your deck worse.

A lot of evolutions are like this. Monsters can evolve into weaker monsters and totally waste all of the experience points you painfully collected. Honestly, I hate games that do this. But I choose to enjoy Lost Kingdoms for its other better qualities.

I've never ran rheebus in my deck. Weak and not very useful card. But I do love her all the same.

Any time I find a rheebus lying on the ground in levels, I pick her up and play her. I know she's weak, but it's a free rheebus. I want to give her the chance to come out and play outside.

She's like, what? A kitty cat with goat horns and covered in rich foilage? And she has a cyclops eye that looks very dorky in the ingame graphics.

I'm not sure how much of that is part of her body. Or if it's maybe obscuring her true body. Is that eyeball even hers, or is it the plant's eyeball?

Cute girl. Pretty girl. Beautiful lady. She's a bird. Birdy bird. Birdy girl lady.

Siren. I love her. She's great.

In the game, she stands perfectly still and damages anything that gets close to. No luring in and enchanting and eating alive like you'd expect from the namesake. She's more of an attack musician than a hungry hypnotic predator.

Maybe they could have played into that angle more. But I just enjoy that the artists created a cute or horny character design where the only human element is the head. Makes me feel like fromsoft and myself perhaps share some similar tastes.

This monster used to be my favourite until just last night. It's whip worm. The best monster in the game, bar none.

Lost Kingdoms is set up in such a way, that you have to be aware of a number of factors when building your deck and playing your cards.

-One issue is that each card has a limited number of attacks and missing even one attack is very costful for you.

-A second is that each card costs a resource called magic stones and starts eating your health if you run out of stones.

-A third is that you always have two objectives. Defeat the enemies, and explore the level to find more cards, which requires using up your precious attacks on destructible terrain.

Whip worm is the complete package. She melts enemy health even when she's fighting against type advantage. She costs so few stones you won't notice spending them. And, her attack involves her spinning around you and damaging everything that comes near. So you're not limited to just a few attacks, she just pours out constant damage everywhere you walk, destroying destructible terrain with little cost and meeting both main objectives at the same time.

The creature herself is a funny one. I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking at? She never comes out of that shell thingy so no idea if it's her body or a thing she found on the ground somewhere and made her house.

You can see in the card art she's got those big beefy arm muscles, but she doesn't punch or scratch or anything. In game, you can see she tucks herself in to that shell thingy. The only part that comes out is the tail.

Is she actually a worm? Who knows. I love her.

Oh, another little detail. Carbuncle is also a monster who spins around you and attacks everything close, and she can level up and evolve into whip worm! Since carbuncle is an early game monster, and she was my first favourite, I got this nightmarish game breaking brute quite early on!

This is tiger mage. And last night I learned something about her that shocked me utterly. I sincerely believe that this is the greatest monster I've ever seen in my life.

In the game, she's also another game breaker. You summon her, she waits to pounce enemies with somewhat decent damage, and she halves the stone cost of all cards.

As soon as she becomes available, you've gotta run tiger mage in your deck, surely? Some tough late game enemies will kill her easily but most enemies actually struggle with her, and she's amazing support for all other cards.

And the monster is cute, right? A little kitty cat tiger wearing a mage robe. That's so cute!

That's wrong. Look closer.

I somehow never noticed until playing the game last night when I happened to stand next to my kitty tiger mage and zoom the camera in while waiting for her to murder a goblin. Please take a look at these pictures.

The tiger isn't actually wearing that mage robe at all. There appears to be some sort of mage wearing that mage robe.

Except this also is wrong. The "mage" riding the tiger, hangs limply on the tiger's back most of the time, and only occasionally puppets up to cast a spell for attacks. She has no face. No hands. What exactly is this creature? Is this a creature?

Another disturbing element, and really the reason why I never saw the mage in the tiger mage before, is that the tiger herself is so animated. She growls. She leaps and pounces. She rears up for attack during the attack animation. I always assumed the fireball came from her mouth and the robe was just flailing around from the energy and movement.

At first glance, you have what looks like a wizard riding a tiger, but look closer and it's more like a tiger playing with a doll, right? As if the tiger is pretending that they are the animal companion or pet of a more powerful creature who's the actual monster?

To add to this, there's one more non-cat element. Those bat-like wings. I always figured they were the tiger's wings.

But if you look at my screenshots, you can clearly see the wings lift when the "mage" "stands up". Those are the "mage's" wings.

So this thing that appears limp and lifeless most of the time and has no hands and no face, does actually have at least some partial organic components?

What is tiger mage? Who is tiger mage? Which one is the tiger and which one is the mage? Is the tiger the mage?

I don't know if this is a reference to an established fairy tale creature or game monster or something that I'm not familiar with. Would love to know more if it was.

Finally is doppelganger. She might be my last favourite card. The last one who's capable of making me absent mindedly blurt out "It's doppelganger! :D" every time I see her.

All the other cards left for me to collect at this point are all big divine and deific. Have huge stone costs, often have effects that are very flashy but ultimately actually terrible in gameplay, and the monster design is just like an animal, a monster, looking kind of mean. Not girl. Not baby. And not my own personal aesthetic of mean either.

Doppelganger is very useful in gameplay, and she's a doppelganger, right? She can take any form she wants. But she takes your form! She's a cute girl! I love her. I also enjoy the weirdness of the player character finding a card that clearly has her on it. Carcaptor Sakura had one of these too, and she had a base form that the card art showed of what she looks like before she copies you.

I like doppelganger's card art. Thanks to the awkward use of colour, it looks distinctly like she is checking out her bum in the mirror to make sure she is getting the correct amount of undies rising up and skirt rising down.

But actually, that's not her bum. It's a magical artifact that this game calls the runestone. It's just an unfortunate choice of colour. Skin colour on a round surface and clothing colour on a strap like material. It's not her bum.

Though if it were her bum, then I would appreciate the irony(?) of a doppelganger copying your form and then checking herself out in a mirror. That's cute.

As you know, the legend of doppelgangers is that they are an omen of death. If you see someone who is your complete double, then it is a signal that soon you are going to die.

Lost Kingdoms represents this with doppelganger insta killing anything she touches. Including you. Let's have a see of what that looks like.