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#Cause it feels wrong to be called trans
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is girlflux trans?? It's not right? Cause I said I was genderqueer once (easier than explaining girlflux) and then someone said "this trans person" it makes sense in the context I swear
Anyway.like I'm not right? cause I'm still a girl but umbrella terms confuse me
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sinistersuns · 1 month
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i think we gotta be more careful about falling into the trap of placing heaps of blame on the most vulnerable groups around us because it’s easier, emotionally or otherwise, than going after those in power. like i mostly talk about transandrophobia right now and how transmascs get so much shit thrown at us because were easier to attack than cis people, and i’ve seen people do the same thing to transfems and NBs too. to me it’s extra disappointing when it’s someone who is vocally supportive of transmascs doing it (like generalizing all transfems as being hostile to transmascs/being transandrophobic). it’s of course important to talk about inter community issues and point out harmful behaviors and ideologies when we see them, and talk about how someone’s life experience might lead them to be that way, but singling out one type of trans person as The Culprit is not helpful and just feels like it further drives a wedge into our community. we may be able to perpetuate aspects of the transphobic systems cis people put in place, but none of us are responsible for them and we don’t benefit from them, past surface level “acceptance” from people who’d be more comfortable if one type of trans person or all of us didn’t exist at all
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I LOVE MURDER... I FIND THE TOPIC VERY INTERESTING... I ALSO BELIEVE ALOT OF ABUSERS WERE ACTUALLY NEGLECTED... AND THEIR "VICTIMS" ONLY REPEAT THE LIES THEY ALWAYS HAVE... OUR ABUSERS ALL CERTAINLY LOVE TO PAINT SUCH A PICTURE... DON'T WORRY... I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING... YET <3...
#Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Acceptance Love Compassion Diversity Feelings Emotions#Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess Abuser Victim Interesting Special Intelligent Discussion Capabl#Genius Smart Anime Writing Loving Purity Existance Dread Fear Neglect Horror Betrayal Bigots Write History... Bigots Write Psychology...#They Have Twisted Their Victims To Be The Crazy Ones... Reinforcing The Cycle Forever... Autism Adhd Tourette Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd Avpd#Ocpd Aspd Avpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Bipolar Psychosis Scizophrenia Yandere Obsession Compulsive Insanity Mania Terrormani#Hauntingmania Pastmania Pastpsychosis Crazymania Sexymania Sexypsychosis Control Loser Lovable Sweet Cute Foolish Good Girl Sweet Dog Your#Fool I Only Bought You What You Always Wanted From Me... My Sister... I'm A Sweet Little Dog Yes I Am... Your Good Girl Yes I Am... I Only#Did What You Asked Me To... What You Always Wanted... I Can Feel You... I Can Hear You... This Is What You Want From Me... I Can Give You#That My Love... Isn't This How You Wanted Everything To Be...? To Me... That All Makes So Much Sense... Now... I Understand Murderer Alter#Types... I Get What They're For... Where They Come From... Can You Fix One...? I Hope I Can Be Fixed... Is That Possible...? I Was Made Thi#Way... They Just Never Wanted To Face That Or Understand... To Fix Everything... No... Just Reinforce The Society Over And Over Again...#Right...? Isn't That...? I Know That Is... That Always Will Be... This Is Very Interesting... Now... Take Over... Yes!! I Loove Murder <3!!#So!! Cute <3!! I Hope We're Progressive For You!! This Is What You Wanted Right <3!! Suddenly I Get You Guys So... All People... They Want#Something 😇!! And Our Purpose All Is To Give Them That!! I Don't Think We Can Be Fixed... Unless A Replacement Gives Us All The Attention#We Deserve... I Can't Believe Anyone Would Pretend To Solve Problems... Only To Do This To Anyone... I Love Killers They're Victim Most#Haven't Done Anything Wrong!! Quit Judging Them They're Real Nice You're Just Mean To Them!! We're Real Allright... Everything... Has Alway#Been Real... You Just Call Them Psychosis... Because You Yourself Don't Want To Believe They're Real Or Possible... WAY TO THROW PEOPLE#UNDER THE BUSS HONEY... THE PEOPLE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FIGHT FOR... RIGHT...? MY LEFTIST <3...? UHUHU <3!!!! Suomi Finland Finnish#WOULD BE VERY EMPOWERING WATCHING A TRANS CHARACTER GO TO PRISON FEEL LIKE SHIT UNTIL SHE COMES BACK AND LEARNS PEOPLE ACCEPTED HER ALL#ALONG AND PRISON WAS JUST TRYING TO GASSLIGHT OTHERWISE OUT OF TRANSPHOBIA... THIS IS WHAT SUCH A FACILITY WAS ALWAYS DESIGNED FOR IN CASE#YOU'RE WONDERING... THINK ABOUT THE TRANSPHOBIA FOR A SECOND HONEY!! THAT IS WRONG TO SEND A TRANS PERSON IN PRISON A CRAZY PERSON A#PARAPHILIA PERSON SIMPLE AS THAT... PRISON IS WRONG ANYONE... THAT IS WRONG TO SEND ANYONE THERE... ENTIRE FACILITIES ALL OF THEM... THEY'R#ALL DESIGNED TO GASSLIGHT YOU'RE UNLOVED FOR BEING YOURSELF... ONLY FOR THE OUTSIDE WORLD TO FUCTION DIFFERENTLY AND HAVE SOME HOPE...#THAT IS CONSERVATIVES AND CONSERVATIVES ONLY THAT WORK IN THERE... THAT IS POLITICAL ENEMIES THAT ALWAYS HAVE BEEN SENT IN THERE THEY'RE#FILLED WITH RACISM I BET... SEXISM QUEERPHOBIA... ABLEISM SANISM PARAPHOBIA 100% FACTUALLY... ALL THE BIGOTED THINGS EVIL 100% CERTAIN... NO#GOOD PERSON WOULD WANT THAT ON ANYONE... SO DON'T... STOP SUPPORTING PRISON STOP PUTTING PEOPLE THERE ANYONE YOU DEEMED AN ABUSER STOP#PUNISHING THEM... YOU'RE WRONG ANYWAYS... EMPOWERMENT IS GOOD MARY SUES ARE GOOD FOR YOU... I HOPE MORE OF THEM HAPPEN... THIS WOULD BE#BEATIFULL... OHH... HOW UNSAFE... RIGHT LOVER...? DON'T WORRY... YOU'RE NO LONGER THERE TO SEE THAT... BUT THAT ISN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU IS ALL#THAT...? YOU WANT TO KILL ALL YOU DISLIKE... NO OTHER IS ENOUGH FOR YOU... WHAT HYPOCRISY... WHEN PEOPLE WANT TO CAUSE THIS ON YOU... FOR#MANY THINGS YOU'RE TOO... YOU LOVE PARAPHILIA PEOPLE... YOU HAVE PSYCHOSIS... THAT'S JUST BOLDMEAN OF YOU YOU... LIKE COME ON... WHAT A JERK
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autolenaphilia · 4 months
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I don’t care about accusations of ”pedophilia.” I will not give a fuck, I won't investigate your claims, I will just ignore it.
For one thing the accusation of pedophilia is often entirely meaningless. This is because pedophile/pedo etc are words that carry the taint of child rape, of calling up the disgust such an act naturally produces, but are accusations that don’t require such an act or a victim of it. If you call someone a “child rapist” that has weight, but you also have to back it up with a victim this person supposedly raped for the accusation to actually be meaningful. But words like “pedophile” carries no such demands, it literally just means “someone who has an attraction to children.” It doesn’t require an actual victim. It’s an accusation about how someone feels in their head and can thus be liberally applied. Someone criticizes your asinine submarine idea to rescue some children in a cave? Call them a pedo. And even words that once had a more specific meaning, such as “grooming” can be stretched beyond all meaning to mean whatever it wants to. Someone talked to under-18 people about sex and gender in a way you don’t want to? Call them a groomer.
In a culture of pedohysteria, pedojacketing is easy. And it’s especially easy to weaponize it against queer people, the idea that queerness spreads through queers recruiting children by molesting them is one of the oldest queerphobic narrativeness out there. I’m using “queer” here because this is a narrative used both against gay and trans people. But in the present transphobic/transmisogynistic backlash it’s most often used against trans people, especially transfems, as transmasc people are more often infantilized.
But on a more deeper level “pedophilia” is the wrong framing of the real problem of child sex abuse. It’s literally a medical term, a diagnosis. It makes child sex abuse a problem of some sick individuals with a diseased attraction.
This is of course a bad and antifeminist understanding of what rape and sexual violence is. It’s an inevitable and natural expression of power. The widespread rape of women is caused by the patriarchy, of men having power over women. And the misogynist oppression of women with sexual violence naturally extends to young girls. But all children are disempowered in our society. Adults have power over them in the patriarchal family, in the capitalist school system and other institutions of our society. Sexual violence against children flows from the power adults institutionally and systemically have over them. The vast majority of sexual violence towards children comes from the family and schools, not the “stranger danger” of creepy weirdoes hiding in bushes.
This is the reality that the framing of sexual violence as the result of sick individuals with a diseased attraction obscures. And it inevitably calls for a reactionary carceral and psychiatric response, justifying the police, prisons and psychiatric institutions. That’s why “what will we then do with the pedophiles?” is such a popular clichéd response to prison and police abolitionism. This very framing of the problem calls for a carceral response. If the problem of child sex abuse is sick individuals instead of the system, if we constantly root out and punish individuals we will eventually solve the problem.
In reality carceral responses actually make the problem of sexual violence much worse. The police, prisons and involuntary psychiatric hospitals are violent expressions of power and thus create the conditions for rape.
Pedohysteria is constantly used to justify the expansion of state power. Here in European Union we have had a legislative push to ban end-to-end encryption and make all online communication accessible to law enforcement, total online surveillance. And the reasoning is because otherwise pedophiles can use e2e communication to secretly send child porn to each other without the police being able to do anything, which is of course true, that does and will happen, but doesn’t justify killing all online privacy. This “chat control” act is literally called “regulation to prevent and combat child sexual abuse.”
The pedohysteria also justifies vigilantism, which tumblr callout culture is part of and is also a deeply reactionary and even fascist phenomenon. Vigilantism rests on the idea that what the police do is right, but they are not doing it well enough, because they are too reigned in by liberal ideas such as laws and regulations and the courts. So random people should take on the role of police to punish “criminals”, like pedophiles. And this goes through tumblr callout culture. A subtext running through pedojacketing callouts of transfems is the idea that transmisogyny does not exist and does not lead to transfems being disproportionately punished, but instead transfems are using their minority status to get away with sex crimes.
This standard conservative rhetoric about how liberals often literally let minorities get away with murder justifies their reactionary vigilantism. Of course in reality, transfems are far less likely to commit sexual abuse of children than other groups of people, because we are systematically excluded from the very institutions where such abuse happens, such as parenthood/the family or schools, because of the transmisogynist stereotype that we are all perverted child rapists. And the callouts of transfems as sex predators are in themselves abusive and protect actual abusers, just like how police and prisons are.
So no, I will continue to not give a fuck if you call someone a pedophile.
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sky-chau · 11 months
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Are LGBTQ labels confusing? Do you ever see a collection of words and think "aren't some of those antithetical or mutually exclusive?" Congratulations! You've run into a very interesting phenomenon that I'm about to break down to the best of my ability.
There's two major philosophies when it comes to labels, they don't have names to my knowledge so I'm gonna call them Reflective and Telegraph.
The Telegraph Label philosophy states that labels primarily function as a means of conveying useful information about one's self to others. It's telling others what pronouns, what parts and what genders that person has or is attracted to. This is usually pretty straightforward, the stuff someone interested in dating you would check before asking you out to avoid embarrassment.
The Reflective Label philosophy states that labels are primarily a tool for describing an internal experience. Putting words to feelings for the benefit of the self. This is how we get lables like stargender or autismgender. These aren't meaningfully useful labels that tell others what to expect physically or what pronouns to use. But that doesn’t mean they're useless. In the case of someone using autismgender, that label probably describes the internal experience of the ways a person's autism impacts their views on and performance of gender. Stargender likely explains not that they literally see themselves as a star but rather that their internal experience of their prefered gender performance makes them feel a way that reminds them of stars or stargazing.
And this applies to sexuality too. Boy lesbian might seem antithetical but ultimately that label isn't there to tell others anything. It's merely a comfort to have words to describe a mess of feelings and social dynamics.
And for clarification, anyone calling themselves a boy-lesbian probably isn't the cis male boogieman forcing lesbians who aren't interested in cis men to date them or else be labeled a bigot. That boogieman doesn't exist. A more likely explanation is that a nonbinary or trans person has a complex relationship with their changing gender that doesn't trigger a change in the way they see themselves in relationships and attraction thus causing them to keep or adopt the lesbian label despite the gender weirdness going on.
I see a lot of infighting about what people call themselves and whether or not certain combinations can even physically exist. And Y'know what? I don't think that's terribly productive. Neither philosophy is wrong. People are just using labels to address different root problems.
As aggravating as it might be for Telegraphers, you don't have to understand everything. Not everyone feels that they owe you the list of information you find useful, and their labels reflect that. And that's okay.
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picturejasper20 · 3 months
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Another thing about Steven Universe as character (and the series) that has been mischaracterized over the course of the years and the source of a good chunk of discourse online is the relationship that Steven has with the Diamonds.
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A lot of videos, posts and memes have spread around the idea that Steven went to Homeworld in the final arc of the series because he wanted to ¨be besties¨ with the Diamonds, when what happens in the actual show is very different.
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In the episode "Legs from Here to Homeworld"-which takes place after the episode ¨Reunited¨ that Blue and Yellow Diamond find out that Rose Quartz was in fact Pink Diamond- Steven shows to Blue and Yellow one of the corrupted gems (Centipeetle) and helds them accountable for making a lot of gems end up this way and orders them to fix the mess they caused.
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Steven: ¨Do it again! It was working!¨ Yellow Diamond: ¨How long do you expect us to hold her together?¨ Steven: ¨I don’t know. Forever! You did this! So you have to do something!¨
Seeing they need White Diamond to fix the corrupted gems, Steven thinks of going to gem Homeworld to see if he can talk to White about the corrupted gems and convince her to come to Earth and help them.
That's the main reason Steven goes to Homeworld- he doesn't like the Diamonds nor wants to be friends with them- he just wants to see if White Diamond can listen to him and help to heal the corrupted gems.
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He is aware that the Diamonds listen to him because he himself is a Diamond-Pink Diamond. So he goes along with this little game pretending to be Pink thinking that way White Diamond and the others will listen to him. He believes that maybe as ¨Pink¨ he can make them see the errors of their ways and stop this mini war conflict that he has been caught on in the last few years.
Others have made more detailed analysis about this in the past, that a good part of this arc has a huge trans/queer metaphor for Steven's character- where he keeps being refered to and imposed an identity he doesn't see himself as. He gets called by the Diamonds and other homeworld gems as ¨Pink Diamond¨ and refered to as ¨She¨, when he often corrects and clarifies that he prefers to be called ¨Steven¨.
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The final showdown against White Diamond is about this: White keeps trying to play mind games with Steven, making him believe that Pink/Rose is still alive in him and he is in fact Pink/Rose. Because Steven doesn't know this for certain, it proves to be effective for a while, making him feel very confused.
White believes that she is perfect in every way- it is what all her identity is about. She is obsessed with her own perfection so much that she doesn't allow herself to think that she has flaws nor she can't be wrong about something- and because she thinks she has to be perfect, that means that she is right about Pink Diamond still existing inside Steven.
The reality proves her wrong when she takes out Steven's gem and everyone sees that the gem part turns into Steven. As a way of metaphor to a trans allegory and self love, Steven sees that he has always been himself and he shouldn't let other people define what his identity should be, that only him should decide that.
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So, in a way, the Diamonds Days arc is intended to be seen as a metaphor to a LGBT+ kid/teenager standing up against their relatives, grandmothers or aunts in this case- and prove them wrong about their identity, that they are what they are and their family can't change that.
Okay, so Steven proves the Diamonds that they are wrong, they change their minds and they help with healing the corrupted gems by the end of ¨Change Your Mind¨.
Does this means Steven becomes friends with them after this?
Well... no
In Steven Universe The Movie, during the song sequence ¨Lets Us Adore You¨ the Diamonds beg Steven to stay with them a bit longer because they miss having Pink around, Steven is seen very uncomfortable around them and wants to get out as quickly as possible to return to Earth.
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He sees them as somewhat allies and tries to persuade them in different ways to improve the current situation on Homeworld but he doesn't seem to like them much and doesn't enjoy being around them even if they aren't acting antagonistic towards him anymore.
He has a similar reaction when they come to Earth near the end of the movie. He is very done with them and says that they staying to leave on Earth isn't a good idea on the long run. Instead he shows Spinel to them and Spinel sees this as an opportunity to make a new friend again.
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Well, about SU Future? How does Steven feel about them in that series?
In Future is where Steven begins to show real strong PTSD trauma symptoms (something he has had for a while except it wasn't nearly as strong). He knows that he has a problem most of the show but he avoids going to ask the Diamonds for help because he just feels very uncomfortable around them and it reminds him of traumatic experiences he had with them in Diamonds Days arc.
He doesn't go to them until after he accidentally shatters Jasper in ¨Fragments¨ and sees himself as a monster because of this. He separates himself from the rest of the crystal gems, feeling like he is as terrible as the Diamonds were. In ¨Homeworld Bound¨ he interacts with the three Diamonds, asking them for any way they can help him with his powers.
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Most of the episode he feels frustrated because A) He can't find a solution to his problem and B) Sees that the Diamonds and Spinel are doing pretty well and he has been getting worse. It makes him get more and more angry the more time he spends in there.
The scene that leaves pretty clear how he feels about them, specially White, is when he talks to White. As shown in the gif above, when White touches Steven near where his gem is, Steven pushes her hand off from him, clearly being reminded of the time White ripped his gem off him in ¨Change Your Mind¨.
White uses her powers so Steven can talk to own self. This leads to an iconic scene that Steven gets angry at himself and White. He has a very strong intrusive thought of crashing White's gem into a pillar for what she put him through. He gets shocked for this and makes him run away scared as result.
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This scene leaves clear that Steven has a lot of buried resentment for what the Diamonds did to him, mainly White. Being around them reminds him of his trauma, it makes him deeply uncomfortable and he would rather avoid them as much as possible.
The Diamonds get concerned about Steven and show up during the events of ¨I Am My Monster¨ when Steven transforms into gem like monster. The Diamonds and Spinel blame themselves for Steven feeling this way because of their past actions. White feels it is her fault because of how she hurt Pink Diamond and this brought problems to Steven.
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They help with calming Steven down and him returning to his human form. Now there is some argument to be said about why they took part of this hug aside from using their powers to help the gems. I have talked more about this in here but i think it is to represent Steven accepting himself as being part Diamond and maybe forgiving, realizing that he isn't an ¨irredeemable monster¨ because of what he did, that way he stops seeing himself as one and goes back to his normal form.
After this, it is a bit unclear where Steven stands his opinion on his relationship with the Diamonds. I would assume that it is probably not much different than it was before. He still doesn't like them and probably doesn't want to be around them even after all that happened.
In short: Steven sees the Diamonds as allies and post the events of ¨Change Your Mind¨ he shows to be uncomfortable being around them, he doesn't seem to like them and mostly prefers to avoid them. He is glad that they are changing their ways for the better but he would prefer to not interact with them if he doesn't have to due to his own trauma.
The Diamonds regret how they have hurt Steven (and Pink) and care about Steven but he thinks it is better for him to have a distant relationship with them for the reasons i discussed. They can still improve and make amends for everything they did and Steven doesn't have to feel forced to have a relationship with them if he doesn't want to.
There are other things that could be discussed, about how the Diamonds Days arcs should have been longer or how the Diamonds needed more screen time- However, the point of this post is talk about people have mischaracterized Steven's relationship with the Diamonds, saying Steven is best friends with them when in reality he doesn't like them and spends most of Future series avoiding them.
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ghoulysaphomet · 3 months
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i kinda wanna write a short crack-ish time travel au where 12 year old jason swaps places with 22 year old jason bcs it'd be so fkn funny everyone would be so concerned. bcs like jaybin was not the angry kid fandom seems to think????? he was so sweet?? he listened, he was happy-go-lucky and wanted to help, found wonder in everything (robin gave him magic) and he was just so full of life and hope
so im just imagining:
titans: so hows it going with robin? you havent really talked about him or complained about his goody-two shoes sunshine-ness for a while. you good?
dick: well, uh. you see.
titans: also, who's the body-guard?
jason:
dick: so uh. this is.. future? robin..?
jason, 6'4 built like an idustrial fridge and a heavy aura of ''i can and will break your neck if you look at me the wrong way'' and voice gravelly from either the scar tissue or smoking or both: sup
titans:
titans: (just. stares. uncomprehending)
More under the cut V
just got like a funny picture in my head of like. a time travel AU where jason either swaps places with his younger self or somth idk but they're like sitting quietly eating breakfast and it's all fun and good but then a magical poof ensues and bam. adult jason is sitting there and jason is very confused bcs like yeah he was in fact sitting and about to eat but that had been at the nest with tim across him and maybe dick or damian snoring away on the couch in the next room.
meanwhile, dick and bruce and alf are all.. very confused bcs 1) baby jay just vanished. not only is the kid gone but in his place is a man who sorta looks like jay. (i headcanon jay as trans, this was before he came out.. tho i do have aus where he doesnt get to come out to anyone but tim, who makes a secret grave in his honor and doesn't out him.)
and bruce is like.
b: caroline...? is that you?
jay: (blinks) hm. congratulations, it's a boy. (jazzhands).
2. this man looks like he's seen the worst things humanity can offer, not to mention the very extensive scarring *covering every visible inch of his body* and the creepy either white eyes or green eyes.
and now he's sititng with just bruce and a very young looking dick and all of them just stare at each other and all jay can say is "fuckin' hell. seriously?" and groans bcs he did not want to deal with bruce. at all.
3. this man is not as surprised to be there as he should be.
jasons really not pleased with the situation but it is what it is and he's like just call constantine or zatanna or whatever. meanwhile everyone else is too busy staring at the fact jason, tiny jay, is taller than freakin' bruce and built like an industrial fridge (that isnt from lowes). none of them know how to feel about this
just like.
"you're.. awfully calm about this."
"eh, i've seen weirder." it is unsaid but jay is thinking of discowing.
n the three of them just has no idea how to treat this adult jason. this jason who seems.. familiar but so, so very different. obviously something must've happened bcs the guy looks like he's been in a freaking zombie apocalypse. and jays just like i cant wait to be home i hate this place, and makes the most unnerving comments here and there that just makes the others more confused. like.
"you can sleep in your old..? room. we will need to look for a change of clothes, though."
"ill use a guest room, i'm not setting a foot in that shrine."
"as you can see by this footage it's possible-"
"oh, that's not who killed him. look there, that's a falcone mark. this wasn't random but premediated."
"hm why are you even bothering with this case? listen - that's the sound of a skull being crushed, not the sound of an arm breaking, duh."
and they just get more confused and concerned
jason is a giant man made of muscle and rage and everyone is left reeling cause something happened to him, but he wont say what, and everyone keeps trying to guess and he doesnt clarify anything and obs no one is thinking "he died, got revived, turned into a zombie, pumped through HRT rage edition, becamea crime lord, was killed by his dad who chose to save his murderer, thrown into arkham by his older brother, broken out by his younger brother/boyfriend, made his own team of outlaws and put himself back together, only then starting to reconcile with some of the bats"
when they finally figure out how to get him back, someone, maybe baby timmers guesses "you were turned into a zombie" as a joke and jay finger guns him and says "yep" and then back jumps into the portal to get him back to his own time
meanwhile baby jason has the time of his life
not only is he apparently tall, *but* dick likes him?? he's apparently done a lot of good for crime alley??? he has a brother? boyfriend? both?? who looks up to him and is both very familiar yet he doesnt recognise him at all, and a younger brother who also looks up to him and is very protective and reminds him of like a small cat?????
dicks like we gotta get so many pictures of you!!! and jays like super confused but also like ok???
he can obviously tell that somethings up that theyre not telling him. but honestly the fact that it's like a decade into the future and he has so many people who loves him??? he decides its a problem for future him.
everyone is just very happy bruce is away on a mission in space.
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bomber-grl · 11 months
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SAL FISHER RELATIONSHIP HC ! ₊˚⊹
₊˚⊹ PAIRING(s): Sal fisher x Gn!reader
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He’s so sweet it hurts
Honestly, Sal is the best boyfriend ever, he’s always there for you and he always knows the perfect things to say when comforting you.
The two of you met because of the ghosts and the whole cult thing while at high school.
You were the more outspoken one out of the two of you since Sal was mostly against violence even when Travis was brought into the convo.
I can definitely see Sal being the first one to approach you.
It all started when Sal started becoming increasingly interested in you to the point that Larry and even ash started teasing and encouraging him to talk to you.
He would fluster, occasionally and say the wrong words out of nervousness however with luck, he managed to get your number.
It was hard not to fall for him, especially with how lovable he is.
He’s so genuinely nice and actually cares for others.
Of course, you eventually see his face, and although he was neutral about it since he trusted you he was still a bit nervous.
Definitely warms his heart when you not only accept his face but also kiss it.
He flusters and stutters so badly afterwards.
Continuing from that, he’s definitely the type to tease lightheartedly
Definitely not in the beginning though
So when you first started teasing and provoking him, causing him to get super flustered
He wouldn’t really know what to do except accept it, so imagine your surprise when he turns the tables once day and makes you a blushing mess
Most times when you hang out, you usually hang at the apartments in his room, or when sals an adult you’d hang out in his room in the house
During these hang outs you guys would usually listen to some music or just enjoy each others presence
Most times it’s just you and sal cuddling and ngl he smells rlly good
Like I’m not even joking and when you mention this, he can’t help but laugh and just tells you do too
However, when you guys hang out with Larry (which is more often than not) you guys end up in more than sus situations 😭😭
Then Larry is all like “I’ll leave you guys at it” and dips
Like??? We’re not doing anything 😭🗣️
Anyway
While you’re at high school ofc Travis has something to say, and if you’re a guy then he obviously calls you the f slur and a lot of homophobic nonsense
And if you’re a girl Travis still calls y’all homos in a negative way, and always says shit about you two
And I don’t think I need elaborate further about how Travis would probably hate crime you if you were non-binary, gender fluid, or basically anything under the trans umbrella
(Basically any gender identity that isn’t your assigned one 😭
Larry, ash, and Todd all get pissed at Travis , and they always come to the both of your guy’s defense
And ofc Sal is bit lenient towards Travis, well only ever when Travis is talking shit about him
If Travis talks shit about you he’d be pissed
But ofc younger Sal is less violent and more open so he’d obvs be kinder
Anyway, we all know what happens at the apartments and if you live there-
Let’s just say it pains Sal so much to have to kill you
I mean him having to kill all the people he grew up with and the people he cares for is horrible but he knows he has to
However, if you don’t, well let’s say you know about the cult and why he did it
Still doesn’t stop you from trying to find a way to get a lower sentence and from trying the convince ash of the truth
When sal dies, let’s just say you feel so alone
Of course you have ash by your side but it’s just horrible
Eventually you’re the person that sals soul would enter and you’d defeat the cult that way
But let’s all pretend that they were able to defeat the cult without having to kill the innocent tenants
Making sal a free man
Well if it were that way, you and Sal would be together for a long time, and if you both wished it, married too
———
Art credits : @/toasterdoodle22
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Note
AITA for calling the mods of a discord server transphobic?
For context, I am trans and I had joined a fandom based discord server. I am not going to say what fandom it is though, so things will be kept vague.
In the discord server, people were allowed to share art from other people they liked as long as they linked it. The art sharing thing is not a bad idea because I would love to support artists. However, the problem lay with the art that people would share. I have no problem with the NSFW art people shared since the mods made a channel for people to share it where minors couldn't see.
The problem I had with the art sharing was when people would share genderbend art. Genderbending is basically when someone takes an existing character and imagine them as if they had always been the opposite gender. It made me feel uncomfortable because it felt wrong that they would just pretend a character had always been one gender.
I brought it up with the mods in dms and asked them if they could ban genderbends from the server because it made me feel uncomfortable. I explained that genderbends are rooted in cissexism and are linked to transphobia as well. The mods said that they would discuss it and then they went and PUBLICLY asked about it in the discord server with everyone which made me feel uncomfortable.
Some other trans people in the server said that I was making a big deal out of it and said the mods did not need to ban it. They said that it helped them with their gender dysphoria, but I argued that they were supporting something that was inherently transphobic. I explained that trans people are further erased by genderbend subculture pushing more trans-friendly genderbend art out of the community, thus taking away what little space we had to begin with. Genderbends cause harm.
But in the end, the mods refused to ban genderbends. Instead, they made a poll asking everyone if they wanted to continue allowing it or not. Since the majority voted to keep it, they did not ban it. So I called everyone in the server transphobic for allowing it to continue.
AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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The methodology for the Cass review was established by a team from the University of York including Tilly Langdon, who has previously been involved in promoting Gender Exploratory Therapy – an approach which, despite its neutral-sounding name, discourages children from identifying as trans and has been likened to conversion therapy. Her approach included setting a very high bar for evidence to be considered in the review, ruling out 100 of the existing 103 studies into the use of puberty blockers and hormones to treat trans children. The reason given for excluding all these studies was that they did not incorporate a double blind approach – in other words, they did not involve giving puberty blockers to some patients and placebos to others. This might sound like a reasonable objection on the face of it – until one considers that puberty is a dramatic physical and psychological process, and people can easily tell when it’s happening to them, so a double blind simply wouldn’t work in practice. The Cass review called for more research and, again, few would disagree with this. The suggestion that treatment should be withheld in the process, however, is not neutral. It presupposes that the harm done by puberty blockers (demineralisation of bones, which is usually temporary in the short-term treatment recommended and is similar to what occurs in pregnancy) is more severe than the harm done to a trans child by going through the wrong sort of puberty. The latter is linked to high rates of self-harm and suicidal ideation, together with the need, in many cases, for extensive surgical procedures. Confusingly, the review states that children taking puberty blockers showed “no changes in gender dysphoria or body satisfaction”, which suggests that the author didn’t actually understand what puberty blockers do at all. They don’t make children feel better – they just delay a process that makes them feel worse. This is one of several oddities in a report that lacks internal consistency. It states that there is no established definition of social transition, for instance, and does not offer one, but goes on to talk about it as if there were. It also talks about autistic ‘girls’ identifying as trans in increasing numbers, treating this as mysterious and as cause for concern, despite acknowledging elsewhere that more and more girls are being diagnosed as autistic, so one would expect more diagnoses to be present within any subsection of the young female-assigned population.  Perhaps the most worrying of the review’s conclusions – which should concern people far beyond the trans community – is the suggestion that as far as NHS treatment is concerned, trans people should be treated as children until they are 25. The rational for this is that 25 is the age when (on average) the brain stops developing. As any neurologist will tell you, the brain is in fact never static, and within ten years or so of that age, it begins to shrink. Deciding who has the capacity to make decisions based on brain age could have unintended consequences for the likes of Cass (64).  That aside, what would setting the age of true adulthood at 25 mean for everybody else? If we couldn’t allow people to consent to medical treatment at 24, should we ask them to risk dying for us? If not, then at a stroke we could lose a quarter of our armed forces. Likewise, we would have to give serious thought to what to do about a third of parents who might not be considered competent to look after their newborn children.  And then there are issues like contraception. Right-wingers have long contended, on one pretext or another, that teenage girls shouldn’t have the right to take the pill without their parents’ consent. This is where the review’s suggestion starts to look less like a double standard and more like the thin end of a very nasty wedge.
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gettinontopic · 2 months
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This is so transphobic like what the hell is this
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[Image Id: A large addition to a tumblr poat reading "Also if I'm going to be honest, passing as a man is also just easier than passing as a woman. The rules to being a man and passing as a man are much more lenient than being a woman or passing as a woman. Trans women have to worry about shit like "I need to wear an outfit that distracts people from the fact I have an adams apple, and not allow people to see that I have shoulders, and learn makeup and basically become a voice actor and etc. and maybe I won't be called a man today" (and if you pass too well and the wrong cis guy feels guilty about being attracted to you, you get murdered meanwhile if you're a trans guy and you wanna pass as a man, you gotta like have short hair and hide or remove your boobs and at this point you can already just go to the grocery store and most people will see you as a man. Once you get facial hair and a deeper voice, most people will just see you as some guy. Like I don't understand why transmascs insist on this idea that they could never really pass. Like the idea that trans man who passes is almost far-fetched. Weird as hell." End Id]
Lets upack this shall we?
1."Passing as a man is easier than passing as a woman"
No it's not. The rules to being a man and passing as a men as strict as lots of rules for women. Have you ever seen a cis guys who fails to pass? They're called names, theyre physically beat, and theyre often ostracized from their cis peers just as fast as any trans person. Cis boys cant even pass half the time by the rules they made. Quit fucking lying about men just magically having it so easy.
Your experiences as passing as a man aren't universal and if you've never passed as one what makes you think it's fucking easy?
Also god forbid you're a black man, or a black man who is into something deemed feminine. Shit I've seen guys call black men women for wearing a damn hair bonnet.
Oh not to mention I'm only a man to transphobes when they can call me a "dangerous black man" only to switch back to tryibg to detransition me by saying "you can just be a masc girl!"
2.Adams apple
While you have to hide yours, I have to wear shit that distracts people that I *don't* have one. Cause, and I know this is wild, if they expect you not to have one for being a women, what do they expect me to have for being a man? Hmm? And if you're a man who's adams apple never came in? I've seen them called girls to. Shit I've heard a guy called not manly for missing his, and he was still in puberty!!
3.Shoulders
While you have to hide you shoulders, I have to do whatever I can to have the.. small shoulders on men? maybe if youre in a "non manly" field like music or art, but I do gym work. I better look likeit regardless of the disability that effacts my muscles growth and development or I am called maam by every guy there. Which sucks btw.
4. Makeup and voice acting:
Trans men also are regularly advised to wear makeup that masculinizes them and do voice training. thats some of our oldest passing tips. thats litterally never been unique to trans women. what the FUCK kinda of implications are you trying to put out here?
5. Murder:
Hey did you know cis guys will murder trans men bc they were attracted to them and then found out they werent "real men" and then kill them. shit cis women also kill us if they find out they were attracted to us and we aren't their ideal man anymore. do u know how men who hear im butch and into women behave?
Fuck right the fuck off trying to tokenize the murder lf trans women while throwing trans men murders in the "that doesn't happen" bin.
6. How many times have we said short hair and no boobs dont fucking automatically gets us gendered correcly!! We have voices that have to be trained, we have muscles were expected to build,and some men even watch the way you walk to guess if you have a dick or not.
Listen to any trans men. any of us for five minutes. those things do not making an easily passing trans man fuck you for lying about our experiences as not a trans man.
7. "You gotta like have short hair or remove your boobs"
Untrue! just Untrue. we also have to preform the rules of manhood really well. ive seen beareded transmen clocked for like so many different other reasons and you wouldn't listen to those men if it would save all trans people lives forever. cis men constantly dig at other men presentation to keep each other in line. Its a regular for them.
Also: not all of want to pass with those features. I deserve to have long hair and not bind and still pass as a man and you suck for defining everything around passing.
8. I don't know why you insist on this idea that trans women never really pass without obscene work (when ive met trans women that admit they have it easy by throwing on a dress and wearing her hair down) and that all trans men who have ascess to transition magically do pass (When multiple of us transitioning have said we dont)
If we can't talk about the ones who don't pass then you kinda can just sweep away the idea we don't face discrimination or danger and that's getting us killed actually.
None of us have said we can all never really pass any who say they can't are usually speaking on their own experiences. Because you want us all to pass so bad you don't care that we don't, and that it gets us backlash and hurt.
Also, if you ever read this, kiss my black ass and go reevaluate what makes you think you should speak on experiences that aint yours as if you're the one with the Hard Cold Facts.
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does it not bother you that your position on trans people is the one consistently held and demonstrated by fascists? does it turn your stomach when nazis come to rallies for causes you believe in? i only hope you feel some remorse for being such a vile person
Does it bother you that Ben Shapiro supports gay marriage? Are you going to stand against gay marriage because a conservative man supports it? No? Do you think that makes you vile?
How about this:
You have two people who support abortion. One person supports abortion because they hate children, think that the world should end, and people should stop reproducing.
The second person supports abortion because they think women should have full control over their own bodies.
These people both support abortion but are they really the exact same? Can you look me in the eye and say that they really support the same exact thing?
The things is: I don't believe what fascists do. I have no problem with men who are feminine. I have no problem with women who are masculine. I don't want a world where every man is Kratos and every woman is Jessica rabbit. Fascists and nazi's don't care that someone is trans. Do you think they'd be happy with a man who wears women's clothing? Do you think they love effeminate gay men? You think they'd love seeing hairy butch dykes everywhere? Do you think their issue is REALLY with trans people in general? Or is it people not living up to their assigned, religion based, gender roles?
I have no problem with men who wear make up or nail polish or who love other men. I have no issue with butch lesbians who talk loudly about wanting to eat pussy. It genuinely makes me very happy to see gnc gay people out and about, regardless of it they're gay men or lesbians. It's instant vibes every single time.
How about another question for you, anon. Does it not bother you that teenage girls are being told that teenage males should be allowed access to their dressing rooms just because they say they "feel" like a girl? Does the discomfort and fear of those girls not churn your stomach? Do you have zero sympathy? Do the feelings of girls and women take a backseat to the feelings of men? Does it bother you that gay people are being fed homophobic rhetoric in a progressive package? Does it bother you that gnc kids are being told that they're doing boy/girlhood wrong and they should transition because no boy/girl would dare act how they do? Does it bother you that males are openly talking about wanting to fuck lesbians and how lesbians make their dick hard? Does it bother you that gay men are being told they're missing out on not eating pussy? Does it bother you that gay people are being called bad people for not liking the opposite sex?
Because it bothers me. If that reads as me having an issue with trans people then I think that says more about your ideology than mine.
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catgirlforeskin · 1 year
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How to publically say that a trans girl is doing something very wrong without feeling like you are conjuring transmisogynistic harassment campaign against her?
And I don't mean call out style things like "Omg, she likes aot and reblogged catradora fanart, she is a dangerous freak and has to be shot!", I mean actual harmful or just extremely wrong opinions and actions treated appropriately.
(Low-key serious)
The big questions for me with anything like this are:
1. Is real, tangible harm being done directly to real people
2. Would a public callout stop that harm?
3. Would a public callout cause more harm than it stopped?
I honestly can’t think of a time where callout posts have done tangible good. They’re so much more often just a tool of abuse, because fundamentally what they’re useful for is drumming up hate for someone and ostracizing them. They’re a very effective way for abusers to further isolate victims.
And when trans women are already so ostracized by society and many rely on online support networks (either financially or otherwise), I don’t think it’s hyperbole to say that a lot of those callouts are murder attempts, in the way any targeted harassment campaign with the goal of driving someone to suicide is.
That’s really the big issue with callouts, they’re only effective against people who are already vulnerable.
Writing up a big thing about how problematic Blaire White is won’t affect her in the slightest, she’s materially insulated from any consequences. But the callout of the month for random tgirl blogger #2647472 can cause real harm to her and other trans women, compounded moreso by the fact that trans women are under far more scrutiny and “punished” for infractions far more severely than tme people when it comes to this sort of ostracization
If you want you can dm me about this particular scenario, but without knowing more these are my general principles on the matter
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dunesofpriam · 1 day
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Actually, the reason misgendering is hurtful is because it sucks having people tell you you're something you're not. It's hard enough to be born into the wrong body and to deal with the ways one's mind can try to destroy you because it recognizes how you exist as wrong, it doesn't help that when you ask someone for a little respect they spit in your face. Calling me a woman isn't wrong because being a woman is a bad thing to be, it's wrong because I was never supposed to be one and the "female body" I was born into just feels like a cheap, ill fitting costume that is constantly choking me. All most of us want is to be treated with respect. Me being trans isn't anymore of an ideology than me being bisexual is.
I'm sure it does hurt having someone tell you you're something you're not. When I was a kid my grandma told me dragons aren't real so I can't have one as a pet. Made me cry.
That doesn't make dragons real.
You can't be born in the wrong body, that mindset is born out of a the view that your body is just some vessel for your mind. You are the whole thing. Your body is you. I can understand you may have a condition(s) which make your life harder and I sympathize with that.
You say you were never supposed to be born into a female body; says who? Either you're looking to religion (which I don't ascribe to and can simply tell you I don't share your faith) or you're looking to biology, which has yet to show any actual physical condition which causes a person to be trans. At best you could say you were never supposed to feel you should have been male.
You will never be able to escape your female body, because you are female. Therefore your body will always be a female body. Perhaps if you were a frog or a parrot fish, but alas, we cannot change sex. You might feel no longer trapped if you were "perceived" as male - so you're referring to the societal constructs around male and female, in which case; congrats! That is the core of radical feminism - to deconstruct that. Women are adult female humans in the same way a bull is a male cow. It's just the term used to differentiate our sexually dimorphic species. No further inferences which can be controlled by free will should be ascribed to that, however those decisions made under free will should be analyzed and discussed to identify the societal factors causing them, and to figure out whether there is a biological component.
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The Hobie fandom has a lot of smut, and with a character so accepting on so many fronts, it means so much to me to see trans!readers being taken into consideration.
As a trans guy myself, I love seeking out ftm!smut. But often times, I often can't read them. Many times I'm left feeling unseen, reduced, or even feminized.
And I wanna talk about that a bit, if it's okay.
My take and feelings on FTM!smut - As a Trans Guy
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Ngl as a trans guy myself I do feel a bit alienated by a lot of FTM!reader.
I'm gonna be honest - I feel like most ftm smut is written exactly as it would be a cis woman, just with the pronouns changed. Which is understandable, but not really how it works.
Cis women and trans men don't have sex the exact same, just because they're AFAB.
And I feel most smut writers haven't gone out of their way to research the sexual experiences of trans men and how we navigate the world.
Hobie smut is pretty vulgar, and I won't complaining! As a character, he has a high volume of smut, and probably the most diverse range, with Black!reader, ftm!readers, and male!readers being more common than most fandoms.
Black!Reader focuses on the unique experience of black people when in a relationship together. This unique experience is at the basis of black!reader.
But when we approach Ftm!reader - very often, our unique experience isn't reflected.
It's just assumed that because we are AFAB - there's no need to look deeper at the closer unique sexual experience trans men have - or to read up about it.
Most ftm!reader fic does not attempt to use affirming sexual language for trans men at all.
T-dicks - ie, natural clitoris enlargement you get after taking T - is a thing a lot of transitioning Trans men have.
But they're never called T-dicks in fanfiction. Only clits. It's very rare that a ftm!reader is described as having a dick - because so often the only dicks cis people recognize are natal dicks, and surgery-constructed ones.
Many cis writers may never even considered referring to a trans man's clitoris as a dick - pre or post T. They may see it as confusing to the reader, when it's not.
T-Dicks are dicks. Bottom growth didn't give you a full 3-4 inches, but you absolutely have growth and there are trans men that can penetrate with T-dicks - without surgery - if with the right partner.
The words pussy and cunt are used liberally in nearly all ftm!smut, and while many trans men are okay with these terms, I think a lot of cis writers ignore or do not know that often, terms like those can cause heavy dysphoria in a lot of ftm readers.
I don't think cis writers ever question if they might be making readers dysphoric - or showing them in a non-affirming way.
I feel like some writers believe that changing pronouns and calling the reader 'handsome' is really all it takes. Just write usual fem smut, change the pronouns - and done!
In reality, a large part of the ftm community feels uncomfortable with the word 'pussy' - and would much rather stuff like 'front hole'.
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A poll on 'What do you call your downstairs?'
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And I'm not saying that you can't call a trans man's genitals a pussy. And I'm not saying that a trans man calling his genitals a pussy is wrong.
I just feel like cis writers do not consider the dysphoria of their trans readers, when writing trans smut.
I feel like most cis writers don't actually seek out accounts of trans men and their sexuality.
I don't think they ever consider that these terms, talking about wetness and penetration (which many men on T can have problems with because of vaginal atrophy and dryness), breast, clits, cunts, pussy -
I don't think cis writers ever question 'Is this accessible for ftm readers that might have dysphoria? How can I make this accessible or easier for trans men who have bottom dysphoria?'
Or
'How can I make this more affirming of them as men?'
It's the assumption that, because we're all AFAB, because we have vaginas like cis women - then naturally we must all fuck the same regardless of gender, the only thing changing being the pronouns.
That's not true.
And also - Trans Men are never really written like gay men.
Trans men having sex with men is gay sex.
And even though most writers write trans men with male OCs - they hardly ever write their sex as if they are gay men.
99.9% of the time, it isn't written that way. Its always written as if it's 'straight sex'.
The experience of how gay men have sex is never really taken account into these fics, which makes me feel like a lot of writers don't see it as gay sex at all.
At most, the ftm reader may be described as a bottom - but never as an otter or twink or bear or cub or leather or anything.
They see it as AFAB sex.
Cause If I'm getting strictly candid - I feel like if a writer wrote mtf!smut and kept focusing on the girls 'hard throbbing cock and balls' - we'd all be like 'oh wow that's very intense centering on genitals that may alienate some trans women-'
But in ftm!smut focusing on 'wet tight juicy pussy and thriving clit' is standard. It's never really questioned.
And this is not to say 'oh trans women have it better they get better smut-' No. They really don't. I'm just bringing this up to highlight the fact that we should be making sure that trans!smut is accessible and affirming to the trans people they're about.
Seeing a fic in which a gay trans man prefers to use his asshole, like most gay men fuck, is VERY VERY rare.
I feel like most cis writers never consider the fact that gay trans men may want to perform sex in an affirming, clearly coded, masculine gay way.
It's always assumed we use our front hole, are okay with it being called a pussy, have no problems getting wet, or that we don't have dicks (T-dick is a dick).
And because of that - the lack of affirming language and the lack of affirming transmasc experiences makes it very hard for me as a FTM person to read smut about ftm!readers.
I feel like most of them don't actually take our comfort - or our experiences in mind.
I feel like most don't attempt to actually read accounts of trans guys having gay sex, and what that's often like.
If you're a writer who feels guilty of any of this - you're not a bad person or a bad writer. And I genuinely thank you for including us in your work - from the bottom of my heart.
But I want to highlight this -
Trans men having sex is not a 1:1 of cis women having sex. The same way trans women having sex is not a 1:1 of cis men having sex.
Or experiences are unique - and our dysphoria does affect our sex lives, and how we navigate them.
Please, do not let this put you off writing trans men. But please keep in mind that our experience is unique.
So often I read ftm!reader and feel reduced down to my pussy. Without breasts in the equation, so much ftm!smut focuses solely on the pussy.
If you write ftm!reader please please do not let this put you off, but here's some tips I can give as a trans guy
Please do slight research of ftm anatomy, read an article about gay trans men, or go on r/ftm (subreddit) and read some posts about trans men, read some nsfw posts where trans men tell hookup tales.
Advocate has an great article called '16 things I learned from having sex with Trans Men' - which details and dispels 16 myths about trans men in bed. It's written from the POV of gay men who have been with trans men in affirming ways.
This post is in no way meant to be an attack or subliminal at any one writer. If it was one writer, I wouldn't care.
But this is something I've experienced and seen across fandoms and across writers in this fandom too. I feel the urge to write this because searching for affirming ftm!fics - I often come away feeling even more dysphoric.
Not because of the word pussy or cunt or anything -
But because of the erasure of my experience, the idea that my gender doesn't influence my experience of sex - only my AFAB genitals do.
If you write ftm!smut, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, truly.
But I feel like I had to say this.
If you read this far, thank you! This is one of my more personal venting posts but I'm also trying to raise a point and start a discussion. And you reading through this and giving me your time and understanding is already helpful enough, so thanks!
Here's Hobie.
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Bye.
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letters-to-lgbt-kids · 7 months
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My dear lgbt+ kids,
I have been openly living as a trans man for some years now. And I'm at a point where it doesn't take up so much mental space anymore.
Don't get me wrong: I certainly do not mean "it doesn't matter anymore" here. I am not a "just call me whatever pronouns, I do not care" person and I don't think I ever will be. Nothing wrong with feeling that way, it's just not how I feel. Being adressed with my name and my pronouns is still important for my mental well-being, and it still triggers feelings of dysphoria when people misgender me.
Even apart from misgendering: My identity is still important, and it always will be! Being trans is not some small thing that loses its importance over time. It's who I am. Being a man - and having grown up in a society that told me I wasn't - influences the way I experience everything in my life (from my self-image to my relationships with others to... well, everything).
What I do mean here is: Before coming out to others, and also before coming out to myself and accepting myself as a man, there were naturally a lot of questions running circles in my brain. Why do I feel so sad when adults tells me I'll grow into a woman? Why does it cause me so much stress when mom tells me to put on a dress? Why does it make me so euphoric to use masculine scents? When I try to picture myself kissing a boy, why do I see two boys? Ah, I just learned trans people exist, why does this fascinate me so much that I can't stop thinking about it? Am I creepy for being so fascinated by them? I'm older now, why is that sad feeling not going away? Why is it only getting worse now that I have "grown into a woman"? Why do I keep getting this horrified feeling that I took a wrong route somewhere and was never meant to arrive at "woman"? Wait... could this mean I am trans? Is it too late to realize I am trans at my age? Can I really be trans when the whole thought of even just considering surgery feels overwhelming and scary? Will I ever be ready to actually come out as trans? I really want to get married some day, could I even find love as a trans person? Can I ever be happy in a relationship if I hide who I am? Can I go on living in the closet? Okay, I am trans and want to come out, is it safe to do that? Will my family still love me? Will I ever be brave enough to come out to people outside of my immediate circle? Will people take me seriously? Will people hate me? Will I regret coming out? What if I fuck up my life?
Well, I came out and the world didn't end. All these questions, I either found answers to them or they just dissolved over time - and that frees up a lot of energy and mental space. The space that was occupied by these questions and concerns is now available to me again.
I do not wonder if I am a man anymore. I just am one. It has become something that is just self-evident to me. It goes without saying - or without conciously spending time thinking about it. Of course I am a man, of course I am Oliver. Who else would I be?
We all have a limited amount of things we can focus on, and many trans people share this experience that over time they do not need to focus so much on it anymnore. But this is not unique to the process of figuring out you are trans - in the sense that a cis gay, bi, ace etc. person could also relate to this, but also in entirely non-lgbt-specific ways. Think about a person prepping for an important exam for example. A lot of their energy and mental space will be tied up in exam related questions... which obviously will not be a permanent state. After the exam, they will naturally no longer by preoccupied by wondering how the exam will go!
I'm telling you all this because one of you asked me if I struggled with coming to terms with being a trans man - and this is my very long way of saying: Yes, I did (and it's pretty normal to do! It's a really big realization about yourself!) but struggling isn't a permanent state.
You'll find answers to some questions, some questions will just fade away. You'll figure things out.
With all my love,
Your Tumblr Dad
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