#I mean there’s been a lot of harm done by people

[albino-notes]

Blijf bij me

Description: ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅ You despise hospitals, but with your boyfriend Joost by your side, even the prospect of having surgery feels a little more bearable. ⋅˚ ৎꪆ｡• 𐭩ᡣ

Pairing: Joost x chronically ill!reader (relatively gender neutral besides the mention of girlfriend)

Word Count: 3.2k (really let myself go with this one lol)

Contents: a bit of angst, tons of fluff, loads of forehead kisses (i am a slut for them), mention of hospitals, needles (sorta) and wounds, negative self-talk, little bit of swearing (i wrote *fuck* once i think)

A/N: fic based on these headcanons! got discharged from the hospital last week and feel a lot better now! thanks for the well wishes <3 @iloveonionbowie39 i hope you enjoy this fic as much as i enjoyed writing it!!! i hope i didn't make it too negative, but as a chronically ill girlie myself i felt the need to include the negative, self-critical part of having an illness. let me know if you want me to change it up, i definitely don't mean any harm to anyone!! finally, feel free to point out any improvements for my writing as i'd like to continually improve myself <3 also let me know if you want tantu fics in the future

Hospitals had always been a source of dread for you. The pungent smell of antiseptic, the bright, white lights, the bare and sterile environment, the overworked nurses with their short fuses – all of it combined to create an atmosphere you despised. Even though you’d been to the hospital more often than you could count, the thought of returning there sent shivers down your spine every time.

People assumed you had become used to it; that it wasn’t a big deal for you. And partly that was true, at least when it came to regular check-ups. They mostly consisted of blood tests, ultrasounds, occasionally MRIs too. It was nothing you hadn’t done before and the tests were usually over quickly, allowing you to soon be able to return to your otherwise colourful and carefree life. When it came to having surgery, however, it wasn’t that easy to distract yourself from the darkness inside of you. Your usual stays lasted up to a week and left you no possibility to escape from the reality that, despite all attempts, your life would never be as carefree as other people’s. You were chronically ill, there was no real cure for it, and you would always have to rely on this cold and clinical place to be able to at least minimise your symptoms.

“Uh, I think I have everything. Are you coming?”

Just then, Joost came trudging down the stairs with two of his hoodies draped over his right arm and his left arm tucked behind his back. “I figured you would want some cosy hoodies to keep you warm.”

You smiled. “Thank you.”

“Aaaaand,” he continued with a smug grin on his face, “I’ve got a surprise for you for when you go into surgery. Are you ready?”

You look at him with a puzzled expression.

“Close your eyes.” You did as you were told. Joost could barely contain his laughter as he grabbed your hand and placed something small and fuzzy in it. “Now open them.”

Your initial instinct was to roll your eyes, but now it was you who had to suppress a laugh. You pull a face as you eyed the yellow stuffed toy in front of you in disdain. “I’m not taking that to the hospital.”

“Oh, come on. Minions need love too,” Joost chuckled. “Just admit it, it’s the best gift ever.”

“It’s really not,” you said, playfully crossing your arms.

“Too bad, I’ve already paid for it. It’s coming with,” he said, laughing as he grabbed the plushie from your and dropped it into your hospital bag.

The short ride to the clinic was filled with nervous chatter, mostly coming from Joost. He tried to keep your spirits up with jokes and anecdotes, comfortingly brushing over your thigh as he did so, but soon noticed that nothing could be said or done to ease the growing tightness in your chest.

“Let’s get this over with,” you muttered under your breath as Joost killed the engine of the car once you got to the hospital parking lot.

The hospital was just as you remembered: cold, clinical, and uninviting. Joost squeezed your hand as you checked in, his reassuring presence at least a small comfort. “I’m here,” he whispered, “it’s gonna be okay, liefje.”

⋆⭒˚.⋆

You were scared to death when you first told Joost about your illness. You were smitten with each other from the moment you met, held together by an invisible string that didn’t need distance to make your hearts grow fonder. Joost knew from the day he met you that he wanted to be with you, and of course you felt the same – however, the first few weeks of meeting him were also filled with doubts and anxiety about how he’d react once he knew this side of you. You kept procrastinating your confession, trying to savour every moment with him in case he would reject you. But when Joost finally asked you to make your relationship official, you knew you could no longer keep your medical history a secret.

“I guess I’m taking that as a no?” Joost had said, followed by a nervous chuckle as you had watched him wordlessly for a few moments, not knowing how to even start a conversation like that.

Out of fear he would interpret the situation as a rejection, you finally told him everything. Your memory of it was cloudy, your heart was threatening to jump out of your chest as you explained the situation to him. You were sure some words hadn’t even really been audible, as you were racing to get it all out of your system before your courage could leave your body. When you were finally done, you were expecting him to wish you a good life and walk away, which had been the reaction of most men you had dated up until that point.

Much to your surprise, all he said was, “Thank you for telling me. Is there anything I can do for you right now?”

That hadn’t been the reaction you were expecting at all, leaving you confused. “What do you mean? You’re okay with it?”

He chuckled. “Why shouldn’t I be? I'm not judging you for something you can't control.”

“Okay, but,” you said, frowning, “sooner or later it will affect you too. This life I’m living… it’s not exactly a walk in the park.”

“Okay, but,” he said, now mimicking you – not in a condescending way; he just couldn’t quite comprehend why you thought he was the disadvantaged one in the situation, “you’re still you. I liked you before and I like you now. And if anything, I’m sorry that you had and still have to go through all that. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to help you get through it.”

“Thank you,” you muttered. That was everything you could manage to say as you felt a tear rolling down your cheek. “So do you still want to be together?”

“Oh, schatje,” he smiled, taking your hands in his, “that was never up for debate.”

⋆⭒˚.⋆

The preparation for the surgery was a blur of medical jargon, forms to sign, and nurses bustling around. Joost helped you change into the hospital gown, pressing a soft kiss just beneath your shoulder as he tied up the strings around your neck into a loose bow. “My brave girl,” he hummed softly into your ear, his voice a tender whisper. “Ik ben zo trots op je.” (I am so proud of you)

You glanced back at him, your eyes feeling wet and heavy. “I don’t feel very brave right now.”

Joost placed his hand underneath your chin, gently moving your face towards him. “You are, liefje. Even if you may not see it right now.”

The nurse came in to check your vitals once more, and Joost stepped back, giving her space but not without taking your hand in his first, squeezing it gently to remind you of his unwavering support. As the nurse finished her tasks, she gave you a reassuring smile. “Everything is looking good. We’ll be ready to take you into surgery in a few minutes."

Joost leaned down to press a soft kiss on your forehead, and then another, and then two more on either side of your face for good measure, bringing a much-needed smile to your face. What would you do without him? “You got this, schat. I will be right there when you wake up,” he promised.

As you were transported to the operating room, you clutched the Minions plushie tightly, irony not lost on you that it had somehow become a source of comfort.

True to his word, Joost was the first person you saw as you opened your eyes. He got up from his seat, leaning over you and carefully brushing a loose strand of hair out of your face and then gently stroking your cheek. It hurt to see you pale and lifeless like that as you lay there with IV fluids dripping into your veins and the cuff of the blood pressure monitor wrapped around your upper arm. The room was dimly lit, and your vision was still hazy, but Joost’s presence was a beacon of clarity for you. “Hey there, sleepyhead,” he greeted softly, his voice filled with relief and affection.

You managed a weak smile, placing your free hand over his. “Hi. How long was I out?”

“About three hours,” he answered, intertwining his fingers in yours. “The doctors were here. They said that everything went well and that you’ll be back on your feet in no time.”

You sighed, feeling a wave of relief wash over you. “Thank you for being here, Joost.”

He gave you that wide smile you loved so much, the one where he had to squint because his mouth seemed to take up half of his face. “I told you I’m not going anywhere.”

You looked around your hospital room, your vision now starting to clear up. You immediately noticed a fresh bouquet of chrysanthemums on your nightstand, their colourful appearance brightening up the bland room in an instant.

“I hope you like them. They didn’t have much to choose from, and I also had to rush to get some other stuff you might need,” he explained, reaching out to grab a bag that revealed some magazines, comics, unread books that had been collecting dust in your bookshelf at home, and Joost’s old Gameboy. “Sooo, what shall it be? Super Mario, Zelda, or Pokémon?”

“Thank you for everything,” you said with a pout. Just then, an involuntary yawn escaped your mouth.

Joost chuckled silently. “Alright, maybe you should get some more sleep first.”

When you woke up again, the sun had already started to set outside of the big, barred windows of your hospital room. Joost was fast asleep in his chair, his hair sticky and messy, and his clothes wrinkled. He was snoring softly, and a pang of guilt hit you as you watched him being so uncomfortable in his chair with his back hunched over, his neck propped up against the wall, and his jacket serving as a blanket. You hated that he sacrificed his sleep for you; just because you were in this miserable situation didn’t mean that others needed to be miserable too.

“Joost,” you whispered, trying to wake him up. Joost exhaled sharply, widely opening his eyes. “You should go home and get some proper rest. You’re going to hurt your back in this chair.”

He drowsily shook his head, yawning as he rubbed his eyes. “I’m not leaving.”

You carefully scooted over in your bed and lifted your blanket. He looked hesitant at first, but your pleading expression convinced him. He took off his shoes and climbed into your bed, mindful of all the cables that were attached to you.

“Better?” You asked, closing your eyes as the warmth radiating from his body engulfed you. You laid your hand on his chest, feeling the steady rise and fall of his ribcage.

“Much better,” he agreed, his voice a gentle rumble. He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. “Is this even allowed?”

“I don’t care.” You smiled before both of you drifted off to sleep.

⋆⭒˚.⋆

Boredom was a constant companion in the hospital, but Joost made sure it never overstayed its welcome. Once you were feeling better, you were browsing through the magazines and comics together. When your eyes would get tired, he would read to you from the books he had brought and whenever he was out getting coffee or snacks or lunch for himself, you would play on his Gameboy. When he got back, though, he demanded your full attention.

“Did you know,” he started one afternoon, a wide grin on his face, “that honey never spoils? Archaeologists have found pots of honey in ancient Egyptian tombs that are over 3000 years old and still perfectly edible.”

You chuckled, shaking your head. “Where do you even find these facts?”

He shrugged, leaning back in his chair. “TikTok. The source of all reliable information.”

Worse than the boredom, though, was the awful hospital food. “If I see one more bowl of noodle soup, I’m going to lose it,” you grumbled.

Joost’s eyes lit up with a mischievous glint. “Well, we can’t have that, can we?”

You raised an eyebrow. “What are you planning?”

He laughed. “Just you wait and see.”

The next day, he waltzed into your room with a takeout bag, the tantalizing smell of burgers and fries wafting through the air.

“Oh my God, I fucking love you,” you shouted, unable to hide your excitement at the prospect of some delicious fast food. “But what if I’ll get into trouble for this?”

“Nonsense, schatje. Healthy mind, healthy body,” he replied with a grin, feeding you a fry. “Besides, if someone scolds you for it, I’ll just say that I forced you to eat it.”

You savoured the taste of the burger, feeling a sense of normalcy return, even if just for a moment. “This is the best medicine ever,” you said between bites.

Joost laughed. “Better than my forehead kisses?”

“Hmm, it’s a close call,” you teased, leaning in for another kiss.

⋆⭒˚.⋆

Eventually, you got sick of how drowsy all the pain medication made you. From then on, you refused them, secretly wishing that it meant that they would discharge you sooner if you could prove that you were recovering quickly.

You wouldn’t admit it in front of any of the nurses or doctors, but you were suffering. Your incision stung, your head was throbbing, and your back was starting to become sore from always lying in the same position. Of course, Joost saw through your spiel right away.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to call a nurse?” Joost asked tentatively, not bearing to see you suffer so much.

“No, I’m fine,” you insisted. “Can you distract me a little?”

Joost didn’t need to hear that twice, quickly fishing his phone out of his pocket and facetiming his friend and producer Tantu. (wouldn't be a albino-notes fic if i didn't include my mans <3)

“What’s uuuup?” Tantu said, waving to the camera. He was sitting in his usual spot, which was his desk. “Hey, Y/N, how are you feeling?”

“Not good,” you managed to get out, clutching your bandage, hoping that would stop the burning sensation.

“Uh, Teun, why don’t you DJ for us a bit?” Joost intervened.

“Of course,” he laughed, switching to his back camera, revealing his digital audio workstation on his computer. “Ready?”

“Let’s go,” you said with a weak smile. He clicked on a button and soon a melody could be heard which you quickly made out to be The Winner Takes It All by ABBA, one of your favourite songs, but there was something different to it. As the first verse progressed, the bass got louder and quicker. As the chorus began, the song progressed into a Gapperpop remix.

“Oh my god.” You laughed. “I can’t believe you guys butchered my fave.”

“Ouch,” Joost objected jokingly, “and nuh-uh, Tantu butchered your fave, not me.”

You shook your head, laughing, but you had to admit that it helped. For a moment, you forgot all about your pain.

“That’s not everything. Show her the other thing we worked on,” Joost ordered, chuckling.

“Alright,” Tantu laughed, opening another file. “You better prepare your compliments for this one, Y/N, ‘cause this right here is the real thing.”

You let out a chuckle, suspense building up inside of you as you watched as Tantu clicked on the same button as before, starting the track. The song began with a classic Hip Hop beat, which made you suspect that they had made another remix, but then you heard Joost’s voice.

Joost Klein and Y/N in the hospital together

Het eten hier is niet erg lekker (the food here isn't very tasty)

Of course I am not leaving your side

Say “blijf bij me” (stay with me), couldn’t leave even if I tried!

“Oh my God,” you laughed, clutching your bandage as the way your stomach contracted sent sharp spikes of discomfort to your incision. “This is brilliant. When’d you even make it?”

Joost laughed. “Hey, I had a lot of time to kill while you got surgery, okay?”

“Honestly, I think we should put this on your new album, man,” Tantu said, grinning. “Add a couple of adlibs from Y/N and the fans are gonna eat it up.”

“Best I can do is a couple of groans and moans from how much my wound just hurt from laughing my ass off,” you joked, even though the silly song by Joost and his friend had successfully managed to cheer you up.

⋆⭒˚.⋆

Finally, the day of your discharge arrived. Joost was diligently typing out everything the doctor said in his Notes app, determined to remember all the instructions so he could best care for you when you got home. Then, Joost helped pack up your belongings, including the Minion plushie you had grown surprisingly fond of.

Once you got settled into your apartment, your boyfriend made sure you always took your medications on time, drove you to your follow-up appointment, and most importantly, took as many naps with you as you both possibly could.

Doctor-mandated rest didn’t seem so bad when Joost was spooning you from behind, pressing soft kisses to your shoulder blade and whispering, “I love you,” as you slowly drifted off to sleep. The warmth of his embrace, the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat, and the gentle caress of his words made each moment of recovery a bit more bearable.

One evening, as you lay together on the couch, wrapped in one of Joost’s oversized hoodies, you looked up at him. “You know, I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”

He smiled, his eyes filled with love. “One day you’re gonna realise that you’re stronger than you think. But I’m glad I could be there for you.”

You snuggled closer, placing your hand on the nape of his neck. “I love you, Joost.”

“Ik hou ook van jou, mijn lieve meisje,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You know, I keep having to think about the first time you told me about your illness.”

You furrowed your brows. “You do?”

He nodded. There was a pained expression on his face. “It broke my heart to see you so afraid of my reaction. Did you really think I was gonna walk away if I knew?”

Your throat closed up. All you managed to get out was, “Well… yeah?”

“Oh schatje, I’m so sorry you felt this way,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer to him.

“To be honest, I still don’t get why you would willingly put up with all of this,” you muttered, averting your gaze in embarrassment.

“Hey, look at me,” he ordered. When you looked back into his mesmerizing ocean blue eyes, there was nothing but love to be seen in them. “I fell in love with you, illness or not. In sickness or health, am I right?”

You smiled. “We’re not even married, though.”

“You mean not yet, liefje,” Joost corrected you, humming against your forehead as he left one more kiss there.

[neurosharky]

Can a person with ASPD be sincerely apologetic and be afraid of hurting their loved ones?Did you had any experience similar to this?

I mean yeah of course they can be, because every person with ASPD is different! Lets unpack this:

1. "Sincerely apologetic" could go into two ways:

• Actually feeling sorry and feeling bad for what they have done OR another emotion like a genuine fear of the consequences being behind the apology. This is possible for people with ASPD who do not completely lack remorse OR those who have access to anxiety/fear as an emotion.

• Its also possible to mean the apology sincerely, despite there being no emotion behind it, because they may be capable of logically understanding that they have hurt a person and that such an action (for whatever reason in that particular scenario) is not acceptable. They would then probably go on and change the behaviour, in order to show it was a sincere apology.

2. "Be afraid of hurting a loved one" also has a few different ways of being interpreted/shown:

• Genuinely being emotionally afraid of the "hurting" part only and wanting to avoid causing anyone pain => technically possible if the person doesn't have a complete lack of remorse, has some capability for empathy and doesn't have a complete disregard for others.

• Being afraid of hurting loved ones because of the consequences this might bring (losing friends, being alone, getting cancelled, losing their social standing, losing benefits) => possible for any person with ASPD who is capable of feeling some sort of fear of, or care for, consequences and what people may think of them/what situations might end up causing.

• This fear could also have trauma roots, where the person with ASPD (which is a condition that has trauma as a development factor) has been hurt by someone and is afraid of turning out like their abuser. They might be scared of causing harm, not because they hate harm or care about others, but because doing so, would make them into their abuser in their head.

These are also just examples, for reasons/reactions and symptoms behind it, thats not a full list by any means!

In order to have ASPD (according to the DSM 5) you only need to fit 3 symptoms of 7 in total (+ the usual shit after the symptom list). So someone could have ASPD theoretically if they just fit the irresponsibility, impulsivity and aggression criteria. None of that technically makes them unable to feel prosocial emotions, tho its not uncommon to have difficulties with that. The ASPD spectrum is a pretty interesting thing with a lot of variety, so everything is possible...technically, as long as it fits within the criteria.

3. Personal experience with the topic:

• My apologies solely stem from logically knowing that this is the best course of action and that I will benefit from apologizing and changing my actions in the long run. So if it will benefit my survival and life standards, I will give a "sincere apology". If it wouldn't benefit me and there would be no consequences, I won't.

[doraambrose]

When it comes to the Victim Blaming Grief coping one of the big things that makes it an issue is that he actually did it to Jason's face (in Hush as it was retconned to be Jason he said that too).

And, when Jason comes back it stops being grief for the dead, it becomes grief for the wounded. And people victim blame people who were hurt too. This is how they cope, however this coping mechanism always hurts the victim and is a genuinely bad coping mechanism that shouldn't be used. It's harmful. It's harmful to the victim and it is harmful for the other people who might be grieving. It's probably one of the most selfish coping mechanisms.

I've experienced people using this method in real life and it's rough. And it's toxic. Saying you can't criticize the way someone grieves is flawed because you are rarely the only one grieving and I personally have been harmed during a period of shared grief. And I am sure other people have been too because grief brings out the bad in people but that doesn't mean all is forgiven.

Like, imagine if Jason was just comatose and all the victim blaming happened and then Jason just woke up and found out all Bruce had been saying about him? Would Jason's feelings be justified then?

Also, saying the deceased person doesn't matter when they die disregards a lot of religious and spiritual beliefs around honoring the dead.

I feel like Jason is as justified as any other person harmed when someone copes with toxic way in being upset. Jason's death is also a traumatic thing that happened to him. Centering Bruce's feelings while disregarding Jason's as unjustified doesn't feel fair. Especially considering the incident where Bruce took Jason to Ethiopia to try to trigger Jason's memories of what brought him back without his consent.

(Sorry if this was a bit much, I've experienced a decent amount of the bad sides of grief in my life and feel strongly about it)

Okay, so I feel like I need to re answer my previous post because I was struggling to find the right words and also at work, but I think I've figured it out.

One thing to keep in mind is when we talk about feelings, grief, and emotions, there's not a set right or wrong. I also mentioned that I don't like the word justified in this case because it sounds like right or wrong. I did use it at the end, but I'll get into that here. This is a very gray area subject matter and that makes it tricky and you're never gonna find an answer that everyone agrees with because it's not really as fact based as if I said "batman wears a cape sometimes" or "dick grayson is nightwing".

The first thing that comes to mind for me is what my therapist tells me when I feel guilt over feelings. She would tell me "anything you're feeling is valid, you're allowed to be upset, angry, sad, jealous, etc. It's how you act on those feelings.. something I can't remember atm lol". So when I say jason isn't justified, I'm saying that he's allowed to be upset and angry and his feelings are valid, it's not right to actively take it out on the family and hold it against them and be sort of malicious or harmful. And i know theyve done that plus some towards him, but its important to remember that you can only control your own actions and even if someone is being toxic and harmful, that doesnt mean you should too. I think I didn't explain that right and there was some miscommunication. I also wanted to explain why I felt that jason would be angry.

As for this comment, both of these asks were right. Grief can be harmful and toxic. And before I say what I'm going to say next, keep in mind that I'm discussing grief alone and not any of the stuff post utrh that Bruce has done to jason that's harmful and abusive. This toxic kind of grief doesn't make the person a bad person. They can't help it. It's your brain going crazy to try and cope with something traumatic. When my dog died, I wanted to sue my vet, even though they didn't really so anything wrong. It's easier to have someone in front of you to blame. I'm not saying it's right or okay, but it does happen and it can be harmful, but you're not a bad person for it. (In Bruce's case, he's a bad person for all the other shit he's pulled outside of this)

I think these two asks are like at the opposite ends of this topic and I think it's something that you can meet in the middle with. So basically

Yes, grief can be toxic and harmful, but it's also very much a subconscious phenomenon and it's extremely personal and different for everyone and alot of times, people are unaware of what they're doing.

Because of that, jason can be hurt by it, he can be angry,etc. His feelings are valid, But it's not fair to activey hold that over Bruce forever, which he doesn't, this seems more like a fanon thing btw. But it also doesn't hurt to apologize afterwards.

I think when you say that the idea of not critiquing the way someone grieves is flawed, it comes off as unempathetic. Because as someone who has had to grieve alot of the past few years, it's the worst feeling. And your brain is literally scrambling to cope with it so you don't actively lose your shit and sometimes it ends up with some unhealthy Coping mechanisms. And you're usually unaware of what you're doing. I feel like you're not thinking of how the other person is feeling or what they're going through. And fair is fair, they need to see what you're feeling too and actively try to remedy things at some point, there just needs to be more patience and empathy all around and trying to remember that this person is not always intentionally being malicious.

I'm a religious person. So I see where youre coming from, but nobody said the deceased doesn't matter. I think the point was more that you don't have to worry as much about how that person is feeling or thinking because they've moved on to a better place, you should focus on self care and doing what's best for your mental health.

I am also 100% not trying to center around Bruce's feelings and discredit jasons, in fact, the last post was 100% about jasons feelings.

In summary, there's not "justified" or "right" or "wrong". It's super complicated, varies from person to person, and is a tricky subject matter. Everyone's feelings are valid and there definitely needs to be more empathy and patience on all sides, but there are still actions that have been made on both sides that aren't the best and can be hurtful or toxic. I hope this all makes sense and I worded it right :)

[666writingcafe]

Hallucination

Solomon

MC: Something bad's happened to Asmo. I need you to come over and help me fix it.

With the tone of their message, I was afraid that I'd walk into a room full of bodily fluids of some kind. Thankfully, that doesn't seem to be the case, but the situation is just as severe, if not a tad bit worse.

I've spent lots of time with Asmodeus, so I like to think I know his various moods and how they present themselves on him, but this...

From behind, he looks perfectly normal, sitting upright on his bed. But his eyes make it perfectly clear that he's completely disconnected from this reality. Whatever he's seeing might only be happening in his head, but it's making him rather upset.

"What happened?" I whisper to MC.

"I don't know the full story, but I found a bag of gummy bears sitting on his nightstand, and I think he ingested enough of them to start tripping." Oh dear. Devildom drugs are no joke. I've known plenty of humans that have either died or permanently lost their minds from a single micro-dose. The stuff's potent.

"Where did he get them?"

"I don't know. I gave Lucifer the bag, and he's taking it over to the castle to have Diavolo and Barbatos look into it."

Asmo suddenly stands up and rushes towards the door. MC quickly blocks him from opening it.

"And where do you think you're going?" they ask him.

"I gotta tell them the good news!" he exclaims. "We can all go back to being angels!"

Well, no wonder MC wanted me over here. At the very least, they need another set of hands to restrain Asmo from running off and causing chaos.

"Sweetie, that isn't possible." MC places a hand on his shoulder.

"But it is! I'm telling you! Raphael told me so!" MC glances over at me worryingly. "I'm not lying, Zephyr! He said that Father ordered that all is to be forgiven, and that all of our brothers and sisters wish for us to return!"

"Asmo--"

"Our wings should be white!" MC sighs.

"Look, even if Raphael wanted you guys back, I seriously doubt your Father would forgive you all for what you did."

"Zephyr's right, Asmo." Oh shit. How long has Lucifer been on the other side of the door? MC steps away from the door, allowing him to enter the room.

"I rebelled against Father in a way that is unforgivable," Lucifer continues. "By falling with me, you've told Him that you agree with my actions. He's not going to let us return." This causes Asmo to burst out sobbing.

"Why would you say something like that?!" he yells. Before any of us can reply, Asmo adds,

"Oh right: you're just stubborn when it comes to Father! You refuse to bury the hatchet!"

"Are you saying you regret coming with me?"

"Yes! I want to return to the Celestial Realm and be an angel again! You know, the way I used to be, white wings and all! You made me a monster, Lucifer!" Lucifer sighs. I can tell that Asmo's words hurt him; the pain is evident in his eyes.

"I'm sorry that you feel that way. I know seeing your reflection in the mirror scares you. But I didn't force you to leave. That was a decision you made on your own, and unfortunately there's no undoing it. What's done is done, and we all have to live with the consequences."

"Fuck you!" The room begins shaking as black smoke fills the air. The next thing I know, the four of us are in the middle of a tall, dimly lit labyrinth.

And we're face-to-face with a giant spider.

"Okay, what in the hell was in those gummy bears?!" MC exclaims.

"An evil spirit," Lucifer calmly replies.

How lovely. Some demon must have thought it was a terrific idea to befriend a trickster spirit and mix its essence into candy to then sell to unsuspecting strangers.

Of course, that demon may have specifically picked Asmo to be the spirit's target. While public opinion of the brothers is certainly better than what it was when MC and I first arrived, there's still plenty of people that wish them nothing but harm and misfortune.

"I'm s-sorry!" Asmo cries. "I didn't m-mean what I s-said!"

"We'll talk about it later," Lucifer replies roughly. "Right now, we need to get away from this spider and find a way out of here."

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr

[alarici]

suddenly everyone on reddit got a PhD in equine ecology or federal govt bureau bootlicking

[mattodore]

anon be honest... are you wearing a wire

[skyteglad]

the desire for people to stop diagnosing their abusers with stigmatized disorders when they are literally not a psychologist and most abusers literally do not care about psychology or therapy at all 😩 they don’t care about getting help, so how do YOU know they have this disorder without using stigma as a basis?

[commsroom]

What do you think eiffel was thinking about when he asked hera to destroy his and Pryce's memories during the finale? I was always so struck by his decision to self sacrifice but also (also!!) about the implications it has for either him intentionally inciting permanent harm on another person or that he doesnt consider permanent memory loss permanent harm?

i think what the show is trying to communicate about eiffel's decision is described best in hera's reasoning: "i don't need to beat you. no matter how much i want to, no matter how much you deserve it, it wouldn't change anything. what i need is to make sure that you're not going to hurt anyone else again. ever." it is enacting harm, but it's also preventative. how do you negotiate with people who have intentionally and systematically removed themselves from humanity, who don't even recognize your humanity? what's justified in preventing future harm? i think there is a meaningful difference in an action taken to protect others vs. one taken in retribution, even if retribution is justified.

i think there is also an angle from which you can consider his self-sacrifice another form of self-destruction. so much of eiffel's character arc comes back to the ways he tries to get away from himself, how much he doesn't want to be doug eiffel. all of the ways he fractures his identity, tells stories in the third person. how he distances himself, and how that's distanced him from the people he cares about, when all of the men in all of those stories are still doug eiffel. if you consider eiffel's memory loss a finality, then it reads as a fulfillment of that desire, and i just... don't think that's what the show is going for.

and then you have his survivor's guilt. "the driver's always fine." in boléro, he feels personally responsible for the people who died because of his unwillingness to harm anyone on purpose. i don't think that makes his choices wrong, and i think he's wrong to blame himself, but it's a factor worth considering. if on some level he might see harm as more justifiable if he is also the recipient of it.

i also think there's another perspective from which you could consider his decision a selfish one: he knows the implications this has for hera in particular, and the weight he's putting on her. she agrees to it, she understands, but even so. i think that is something they're going to have to work through at some point. eiffel may be making the call, but whatever harm is enacted, hera is the one pulling the trigger.

ultimately i think the approach that eiffel is still eiffel, or at least that he has the intent and capacity to be, makes the most sense thematically and tonally. i think seeing it that way serves as an continuation and final affirmation of what the show already says about identity, rather than introducing some new philosophical question. i think you can even make a case for restoring eiffel's memories post-canon as a natural extension of the show's exploration of self and his character arc in particular. i won't get too into that now because it's another discussion and i don't want to make this response unreadably long, but that is to say...

what was eiffel thinking? i don't feel like i can answer that conclusively. i'd be surprised if he could. it's brave, and self-sacrificing, it definitely saved them, and it was also selfish and self-destructive. i may not think eiffel's memory loss is necessarily final, but he did, in that moment, and that came with the full intent that the same would be true of pryce. it's complicated, and messy, and personally? i think pryce deserved worse. but it's not really about deserving either.

[catmask]

tbh when i hear some people talk about 'breaking cycles of abuse', it becomes clear pretty quickly who has come to understand that phrase to mean 'since i was a victim of abuse/neglect by my parents/caretaker/s i will do everything to be nothing like them' and that is all. its not a completely flawed way of thinking either - something that hurt you would very likely hurt someone else; through empathy we learn to understand not to hurt others the way we were hurt too.

but what 'breaking cycles' looks like is more complicated than just not being your parents/caretakers - it's about recognizing how the things that happened to you changed you and how you can heal so you don't hurt someone else in turn. the survival skills you learned in an unhealthy enviroment often translate to poor if not unhealthy interpersonal skills in an enviroment where things ARE safe.

its a difficult pill to swallow for a lot of survivors of abuse (trust me, i know) because we have a tendency to simply want our pain to be recognized. by painting yourself as "absolutely nothing like my abuser" you can abstain from recognizing your own harmful tendencies and live comfortably in the role of victim hood for the rest of your life. it can be tempting to do this especially when so many people will do their best to deny what you experienced - almost like leaning into a stuck door that just won't budge.

the problem with this is if you never recognize that being mistreated made it so you LACK a lot of what other people learned from a loving enviroment, you can hurt people pretty badly even when doing your best just not to replicate what your parents/caretakers got wrong.

this also hurts for victims because, when it comes down to it - it's not FAIR. you were hurt for no reason, and most of us will never hear an apology or even admittance from the person who did it - so why do YOU have to change? why do YOU, the person hurt unjustly, have to put in the work?

and i mean. that's what breaking a cycle is. it means pushing against what's fair and comfortable deliberately so that you can stop something that's been repeating. it's work. its not just recognition of pain, it's the purposeful healing and treatment of it. but thats scary, and it's not fun, so a lot of people fall right back into it. its a lot easier said than done.

[byoldervine]

How To (Realistically) Make A Habit Of Writing

To clarify: Works with my autism. WORKS WITH MY AUTISM!!! I’ve been meeting my goals since I made them my New Year’s resolution! Anyway I’m so sick of all those ‘how to’ guides that don’t actually tell you what the process is they’re just like ‘just do it, but don’t burn yourself out, do what’s best for you!’ because you’re not telling me what I’m not supposed to be burning myself out over but okay, so I made my own. Hope this helps

1. Choose your fighter metric. What works better for you as a measurement of your progress; time spent writing or your word count? Personally I get very motivated and encouraged by seeing my word count go up and making a note of where it should be when I’m done, so I measure by that. At the same time, a lot of people are also very discouraged by their word count and it can negatively impact their motivation to write, and in that case you may be better off working from how much time you spend writing rather than where the word count is

2. Choose your starter Pokémon time frame. How often can you write before it starts to feel like a chore or a burden rather than something fun you look forward to? Many people believe that they have to write daily, but for some people this can do more harm than good. Maybe every two or three days? Weekly? Figure out what fits your schedule and go with it

3. Choose your funny third joke goal. Now that you’ve got your chosen time frame to complete your goal in, what’s a reasonable goal to aim to complete within that time frame based on the metric you chose? If your metric is your word count, how much can you reasonably and consistently write within your chosen time frame? If your metric is time spent writing, how much time can you reasonably and consistently spend writing within that time? Maybe 1000 words per week works, or maybe 10 minutes per day? The goal here is to find something that works for you and your own schedule without burning you out

4. Trial and error. Experiment with your new target and adapt it accordingly. Most people can’t consistently write 1667 words per day like you do in NaNoWriMo, so we want to avoid that and aim somewhere more reasonable. If you feel like it’s too much to do in such a short time frame, either give yourself less to do or more time to do it in. If you find yourself begrudgingly writing so often that it constantly feels more like a chore than something fun, maybe consider adapting things. And if you think that you gave yourself too much wiggle room and you could do more than this consistently, give yourself more of a challenge. Everything needs to suit you and your pace and needs

5. Run your own race. Don’t feel like you’re not accomplishing enough in comparison to others or not working fast enough to satisfy some arbitrary feeling of doubt. Everybody works at their own pace and slower work doesn’t mean worse work. You could be on one word per day and you’ll still see consistent results, which is still one word per day more than you could originally count on. All progress is progress, regardless of its speed

[aashi-heartfilia]

The hypocrisy of Jinshi and MaoMao

*light novel spoilers*

I just love how hypocritical MaoMao's nature is. She yells at Jinshi for being a 'Masochist' and yet we see that she's no different. Now, by definition Masochist is a person who drives sexual gratification from their own pain and humiliation, plus it relates to Jinshi's tendency to do self harm (like burning his skin with a brand)

And what is MaoMao's most favourite thing in this world?

POISON

She literally takes pleasure in consuming it and no one can convince me otherwise. Plus she uses dangerous plants and animals and snakes whatnot in the name of her so-called experiments. Her dad may call her a 'mad Scientist' but that is a direct indication of self harm.

And she calls Jinshi a Masochist.

I mean, think about it! The amount of anxiety she gives to Jinshi! She came prepared with a vomit inducing medicine but even she had no idea whether it would work or not. She was just hoping it would work in the salt chapter.

And the same goes for her hand, on which she has conducted countless experiments. One flower even burned her skin and its marks never left her skin. She said it was all for her hobby. What kind of weird hobby is that? Maybe, our little adorable mad scientist is just like that.

One brands his own skin, while the other takes heavenly pleasure in consuming poison.

So my point is, Jinshi and MaoMao are not that different as one might think they are and that's why their dynamic works so well.

Let's look at the excerpts from volume 5:

She didn’t know how long they sat that way. All she knew was that Jinshi was looking down at her with a faintly triumphant expression, as if he saw that the breath had reached every corner of her body now. He wiped away the tears that had sprung to her eyes as she struggled to breathe. It was then that Maomao felt a flash of intense anger. “I said that if you were going to kill me, you should do it with poison,” she told him. “I refuse to let you poison yourself,” Jinshi said, his fingers tracing her lips. “You can’t pretend you didn’t know that you were one of the candidates. As much as I’m sure you’d like to.” He wasn’t done, either: “Who was that man, anyway? I’m sure you’re not a dancer.” So he had been watching them! “I was just paying for my drink,” Maomao said. “It didn’t cost much.” She tried to look away, but with his hand on her head, she really couldn’t.

Jinshi just choked her and yet he refuses to let MaoMao poison herself. A lot of people misinterpret this scene, and don't like it all that much, saying it was just fanservice stuff but this is how I see it: Jinshi wasn't trying to kill MaoMao, he was just trying to make MaoMao submit to him for once (even if the way he did it was very wrong, but guess he's kinky like that). MaoMao is actively trying to harm herself and Jinshi loves MaoMao a lot, he cannot just let her kill herself.

It was more about him trying to exert his dominance in their weirdish - complicated relationship and that also backfires on him as we see in the next volume that MaoMao escapes Jinshi's grasps using Pairin's techniques.

And then they both continue to avoid each other in the entire next volume! Because they both realised that they have crossed boundaries.

They both are hypocrites.

And they both refuse to accept their feelings.

In one of the later volumes, she gives Jinshi a piece of her mind on how he should tell her everything clearly, unequivocally, what he feels, and he literally declares that "he will make her his wife", which is nice and all but look at the wording MaoMao used here....

Excerpts from LN Vol 7, chapter 19 called "A man and a woman play the game"

"You’re forever telling me I need to use my words, Master Jinshi, but are you in any position to criticize? Everything you say to me, everything you do, it’s like it’s calculated to save you from ever having to actually say what you mean! To make me figure it all out! You know, you remind me of someone. You act exactly like a man who used to come by our brothel all the time. He was in love with one of the girls, but he would never just come out and say it. He thought it should be obvious from the way he acted. He was so sure he had a good thing going with this woman that he never sent her so much as a letter. I remember how forlorn he looked when someone else swooped in and snatched her away! He kept coming to the brothel after that—to get drunk and whine to the ladies. Well, in my opinion, he could have avoided all that heartbreak if he’d told the woman how he felt. Clearly, unequivocally, so that she knew where they stood. It was the least he could have done!”

Everything came out in a torrent. She felt like she’d said it all in one breath. It was strange, she thought, to hear so many words come out of her own mouth. She was mystified. Jinshi was no less startled, but the shock soon left his face, replaced by something else. He got up off the bed and stared down at Maomao.

Shit. Now I’ve done it. She’d given him a piece of her mind, and he was about to give her one back.

“So I should be clear, should I? Unequivocal? I should say what I mean? If I did, would you actually listen to me? Is that what you’re telling me? I’m going to hold you to that! Right this minute. I’ll say it all. Don’t plug your ears—listen to me!” He grabbed her hands as she was in the process of trying to put her fingers in her ears. He took a breath. He was looking at Maomao, but somehow he seemed almost embarrassed. Finally he managed, “Now listen to me, y—I mean, Maomao! Listen close! I am going to make you my wife!”

It's one heck of a chapter and I suggest you give it a go! The title of the chapter says "A man and a woman play the game" as if to emphasize the very fact that both Jinshi and MaoMao are playing the game.

Jinshi has never confessed his true feelings before this chapter and only implied that he wanted to make MaoMao his wife.

The implications were heavy though on Jinshi's part, and as smart as MaoMao is, anyone would have guessed that MaoMao was one of the candidates for Jinshi's consort. Even the clothes she received (the ones she wore to the banquet) were also provided by Jinshi along with the hairpin. It is never stated outright but seeing as the hairpin was from Jinshi, the clothes are also implied to be the same.

More or less she's always deliberately ignoring the possibility of having anything to do with him, that is more than professional. Some may call it denial, I call it dense. Maybe, to some extent, she herself is not aware of her feelings because she never lets herself feel anything.

Even Suiren pointed it out pretty early in the manga, that maybe it's MaoMao's way of being reserved. We need to keep in mind that MaoMao is an unreliable narrator and it's more of what she does, rather than what she says that makes a difference.

Even in the chapter that I have quoted above, she had every reason to leave Jinshi, she wasn't working for him after all. But she stayed to make tea for him, even after the fact that she had a long day too. She was almost just as exhausted as Jinshi and yet she was there preparing medicinal tea, so that he could get a better sleep.

Maybe she herself is yet to realise just how deep her feelings run. Till vol 12 she seems to have accepted them, but she still is yet to acknowledge their depth. Maybe it's because of her childhood.

It's not a traumatic backstory but MaoMao had a sad childhood nonetheless....

She was raised by her grand uncle and her real father was eccentric, who scared her. Her mother must also appear to be kind of demonic to her, since she was desperate enough to cut MaoMao's Pinky finger and send it to Lahan. So it's safe to say that MaoMao never received proper parental affection. And adding to the fact that, a brothel is not exactly an ideal place for raising a child.... especially when the birth of MaoMao was the one thing that brought the brothel to its knees...even if being born wasn't her choice.

Plus MaoMao stated it herself that when she was a baby, no one would come to sooth her until their work was finished, implying that even if MaoMao and her brothel sisters are close, they are not that close. A mother's love is different and she never received it. No one can love you more than your mother and MaoMao was deprived of that. She soon realised that no one was coming. Life is hard and she has no choice but to face it!

So, she got interested in poison.

Maybe she doesn't love herself or her life as much as she says / pretends she does. She's always like "yeah, I would very much like my head to be with my body" and "if I stay low profile maybe I can survive here" etc but maybe deep down that's not the case. Maybe that's why she loves poison so much. The implications are crazy.

And to break MaoMao's shell, Jinshi has no choice but to be a bit more forceful at times? At least that's how I interpret that choking scene. Jinshi was angry at MaoMao because she deliberately suggested him to marry consort Rishu and danced with Rikuson.

Even if Jinshi never said it outright, he was giving hints the entire time.

But well the tables turned and MaoMao topped him instead, lol (vol 7) and later we even see that our little stray cat has accepted Jinshi and she's ready to be in a relationship with him (vol 12).

Plus she is intrigued by the process of birth (she wants to eat her baby's placenta, it's kind of uggghhh.... but anyways, that MaoMao we're talking about, she's just weird that way)

Maybe not after too long she'll realise that if she has to give birth, she can only have it with Jinshi and no one else.

~Sunshine

[were--ralph]

why exactly do you dislike generative art so much? i know its been misused by some folks, but like, why blame a tool because it gets used by shitty people? Why not just... blame the people who are shitty? I mean this in genuinely good faith, you seem like a pretty nice guy normally, but i guess it just makes me confused how... severe? your reactions are sometimes to it. There's a lot of nuance to conversation about it, and by folks a lot smarter than I (I suggest checking out the Are We Art Yet or "AWAY" group! They've got a lot on their page about the ethical use of Image generation software by individuals, and it really helped explain some things I was confused about). I know on my end, it made me think about why I personally was so reactive about Who was allowed to make art and How/Why. Again, all this in good faith, and I'm not asking you to like, Explain yourself or anything- If you just read this and decide to delete it instead of answering, all good! I just hope maybe you'll look into *why* some people advocate for generative software as strongly as they do, and listen to what they have to say about things -🦜

if Ai genuinely generated its own content I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it, however what Ai currently does is scrape other people's art, collect it, and then build something based off of others stolen works without crediting them. It's like. stealing other peoples art, mashing it together, then saying "this is mine i can not only profit of it but i can use it to cut costs in other industries.

this is more evident by people not "making" art but instead using prompts. Its like going to McDonalds and saying "Burger. Big, Juicy, etc, etc" then instead of a worker making the burger it uses an algorithm to build a burger based off of several restaurant's recepies.

example

the left is AI art, the right is one of the artists (Lindong) who it pulled the art style from. it's literally mass producing someone's artstyle by taking their art then using an algorithm to rebuild it in any context. this is even more apparent when you see ai art also tries to recreate artists watermarks and generally blends them together making it unintelligible.

Aside from that theres a lot of other ethical problems with it including generating pretty awful content, including but not limited to cp. It also uses a lot of processing power and apparently water? I haven't caught up on the newer developements i've been depressed about it tbh

Then aside from those, studios are leaning towards Ai generation to replace having to pay people. I've seen professional voice actors complain on twitter that they haven't gotten as much work since ai voice generation started, artists are being cut down and replaced by ai art then having the remaining artists fix any errors in the ai art.

Even beyond those things are the potential for misinformation. Here's an experiment: Which of these two are ai generated?

ready?

These two are both entirely ai generated. I have no idea if they're real people, but in a few months you could ai generate a Biden sex scandal, you could generate politics in whatever situation you want, you can generate popular streamers nude, whatever. and worse yet is ai generated video is already being developed and it doesn't look bad.

I posted on this already but as of right now it only needs one clear frame of a body and it can generate motion. yeah there are issues but it's been like two years since ai development started being taken seriously and we've gotten to this point already. within another two years it'll be close to perfected. There was even tests done with tiktokers and it works. it just fucking works.

There is genuinely not one upside to ai art. at all. it's theft, it's harming peoples lives, its harming the environment, its cutting jobs back and hurting the economy, it's invading peoples privacy, its making pedophilia accessible, and more. it's a plague and there's no vaccine for it. And all because people don't want to take a year to learn anatomy.

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Welcome to my Tuesday morning PSA about plastics!

So--I was walking along the Bolstadt beach approach sidewalk here in Long Beach, WA yesterday afternoon, and I started seeing these little orange pellets on the ground that looked a little bit like salmon roe (but probably weren't). So I picked one up, and it was most definitely rubber. I went around picking up every one I could find, and while I didn't keep exact count I probably amassed 50-60 of them. I took this picture before depositing them in the nearest trash can.

These are airsoft gun pellets, and you can buy them in big jars containing thousands of them. That means that someone who decided that the beach was a great place to shoot their airsoft guns could easily litter the place with countless little bits of plastic rubber in less than an hour. We already have a huge problem here with people leaving trash, including tiny bits of plastic, all over the beach (you should see the gigantic mess after 4th of July fireworks when thousands of people come in from out of town, blow things up, and then leave again without picking up after themselves.)

But these airsoft pellets have a particularly nasty side effect. You know how my first thought was "wow, those look kind of like salmon roe?" Well, we have a number of opportunistic omnivore birds like crows, ravens, and several species of gull that commonly scavenge on the beach, especially along the approaches because people often feed them there. If I can catch the resemblance of an orange airsoft pellet to a fish egg, then chances are there are wildlife that will assume they're edible.

Since birds don't chew their food, they probably won't notice that the taste or texture is wrong--it'll just go down the hatch. And since they can't digest the pellets, there's a good chance they might just build up in the bird's digestive system, especially if the bird eats a large number of them--say, fifty or sixty of them dropped on the ground along the same fifty foot stretch of sidewalk. The bird might die of starvation if there's not enough capacity for food in their stomach--or they might just die painfully of an impacted gut, and no way to get help for it. If the pellets end up washed into the ocean, you get the same issue with fish and other marine wildlife eating them, and then of course the pellets eventually breaking up into microplastic particles.

You can get biodegradable airsoft pellets; they appear to mainly be gray or white in color rather than bright screaming orange and green. But "biodegradable" doesn't mean "instantly dissolves the next time it rains." An Amazon listing for Aim Green biodegradable airsoft pellets advertise them as "Our biodegradable BBs are engineered to degrade only with long-term exposure to water and sun and will degrade 180 days after being used." That's half a year for them to be eaten by wildlife.

I don't know, y'all. That handful of carelessly dropped rubber pellets just encapsulates how much people don't factor in the rest of nature when making decisions, even on something that is purely for entertainment like an airsoft gun. We could have had a lot of the same technological advances we have today, but with much less environmental impact, if we had considered the long-term effects on both other people and other living beings, as well as our habitats. We could have found ways from the beginning to make these things in ways that benefited us but also mitigated any harm as much as possible. Instead we're now having to reverse-engineer things we've been using for decades, and sometimes--like the "biodegradable" airsoft pellets--they still have a significant negative impact.

But--at least there are people trying to do things better, thinking ahead instead of just on immediate profit. We're stuck in a heck of a mess here, figuratively and literally, and changing an entire system can't be done in a day. Maybe we can at least keep pushing for a cultural shift that emphasizes planning far into the future--if not the often-cited "seven generations ahead", then at least throughout the potential lifespan of a given product.

[cherrysnax]

i do wonder why I’m having all these weirdly vivid and grounded dreams all of a sudden

[badgertracksart]

Portfolio advice, from a lead who hires Concept Artists

(This was originally a twitter thread I wrote before the site self imolated, hense it's strange structure.) I wrote this after a weekend of portfolio reviews - 1. Like a maths exam, please please show your working. I want to see thumbs options, mid options and of course a final design.

2. Arrange your portfolio, I don't want to bounce about between subject matter and pipeline. Your portfolio's narrative should be as strong as your work... 3. Please make worlds that excite the viewer, make them want to go in and explore them, explain to them the interesting parts of the town, or the way the character's hat unfolds. How will this draw the viewer in? 4. As I've said before the majority of your project work is explanatory not mood, make sure your portfolio contains explanatory work. Explained here -

5. A lot of beautiful post apocolyptic paintings, , but 80% of realistic games and film, we just give the environment artists photo ref, they are capable artists in their own right. Different work in stylised where you do need to create rules for how things can be translated. 6. Production art contains call out sheets, material references and flat graphics. This doesn't have to be your final image, but it should support it.

7. Design characters on a swatch(es) of the environment they will be viewed in. Not on white. I make swatch backgrounds from screenshots, it avoids assumptions that damage readability. 8. Reverse of this, put people in your environments, show me the scale.

9. It's not a deal breaker for a review, but if you intend to get a job, please show me your work on a screen larger than a smartphone (print outs probably the cheapest option with the best battery life). 10. Please have your contact details clearly visible, and by that I mean email address, I will not pass your social media contact on, I cannot input your form into my tracking system. EMAIL ADDRESS emblazoned and bake it in, sometimes recruiters do funky stuff to pdfs

11. Your portfolio will never feel done, not to you anyway. You will have learnt from your latest pieces and want to apply it to older work. But we know art is a journey. Send your portfolio anyway. I've been in the industry 10+ years and my portfolio is still not 'finished'. 12. If you are applying to an environment centric Concept Art position then please vary your times of day! Golden hour is cool but show me some happy sunny days, looming overcast days, what about at night? Vary your weather too! Sunny snowy day? Rainy Spring day? Stormy night?

13. If you are applying for a character centric Concept Art role then please ensure your portfolio shows a variety of body types and ethnicities. 14. Designing characters for games? Please show back views and feet (!) Many potfolios contain only front views. This is a problem because:

You haven't shown you are considering the design from all angles.

In many games rear view is the main view.

Stop cropping feet.

15. If you are entry / graduating and looking at Portfolios to compare content and standard of yr own work too, look at hired grad/junior artists as opposed to seniors Seniors and leads often have old or personal work in their portfolio which isnt representative of the day job. 16a. Show clearly the intended use case for your Concept Art. Mention the game type in the description. Are these player character designs for a 3rd person adventure game? Then more back views please. Bonus points for diagetic ways of showing health / equipment / role etc.

16b. Are these designs for an FPS? Then really the player view of the gun needs to sell the player style/ choices, in an FPS your weapons are almost your character. Are these world designs? What's the view distance? For an RTS your shapes need to read from above & a distance. 16c. The lack of clarification means I am judging the design in isolation, which both harms the design (you might be considering the backview of a char as the main adventure character.) Or an NPC, their waist up expressions may be important for conveying exposition and mechanics.

16d. Concept art is not separate from gameplay, great concept art serves the game team before it is a good illustration.

17. Play games. A variety of games. Think about them. IMO to be a good concept artist you need to understand the common language & references used by your peers. Also understand the principles and common language your audience are used to. FPS design rules are v.diff from RTS.

18. There are many skills that are needed in concept art, please show them. For example: Graphic design - logos, liveries, typographic use etc. VFX concepts - Abilities, Ambience, motion concepts. Architectural knowledge - How buildings are built! & more but I'm out of space :O

[fremedon]

I'm not making this a reblog because there have been a lot of posts this applies to and I'm sure there will be more.

But if you ever do find that perfectly pure candidate that you feel can vote for without morally compromising yourself--that person with a completely stainless career and no blood on their hands--they will still step into the morass created by all their predecessors. They will have blood on their hands from the moment they take office. The blood comes with the office. There is no way to avoid that.

If they want to not execute the evil and unjust laws which they have just sworn to faithfully execute, they will have the choice of flouting the law or changing it. Both of these are difficult, take time, and cannot be done by one person's fiat.

Laws are made by Congress; changing a law--even the worst one on the books! even that one!--means getting a majority of both houses on board. This is drastically easier if the president's party has a majority in both houses, but still requires coordinating literally hundreds of people to do what you want; if the president's party does not have that trifecta, it may simply be impossible until after the next elections.

Flouting the law--just deciding to ignore it--sets a worrisome precedent: In general, we would like the executive branch to follow the laws of the country! But beyond that, it is also difficult and also requires coordinating with hundreds of other people. The administrative state is designed to run on rails. The administration can hand down guidance on the interpretation of laws--which often as not gets challenged legally and needs to be resolved by the courts, which is a whole other level of complication and, currently, a whole other level of fucked up--but ordering federal agencies to violate the law wholesale is usually going to be a non-starter. Even when the law is bad. Until the law is actually changed, which, see above, sometimes the most that can be done is harm reduction--delay implementation, narrow the scope, tie it up in red tape.

And. Look. I want you to find that perfect candidate. I long for the day that someone can make it all the way into the highest office without ever compromising their morals. But if they do, they will become complicit with all the horrors their predecessors left to us. There is no way to dismantle those horrors without taking on some degree of complicity.

When the machine is covered so thickly with blood, pulling the off switch still gets blood on your hands.