#I physically can’t bring myself to write

[mochiwrites]

being so honest I don’t understand how people can expect you to be doing things constantly every single day. I’m supposed to be on summer break but my university expects me to send in 80 sources for my senior thesis by next week

the very thought of doing school work right now makes me want to cry. I can’t even open a blank document and start writing for my own fics. I can’t even engage in my own hobby right now because I’m so mentally exhausted. how can you expect me to do thesis work? I’ve hardly had a break since finals

my personal life has been an ongoing shitshow since last summer. and has only gotten worse in recent months. how can you expect someone to function in society when you throw one thing after another at them?

I’m so tired and done. but I have no choice other than pushing through it because that’s what’s expected of me! that’s exhausting

[heynhay]

ok *klance in 2023*

[francixoxoxo]

I don’t know why I can’t get into the writing zone 😩😩

[vessuna]

once i’m not super mega ultra depressed it’s so over for everyone

[jemmo]

it’s 3am and I have 7 fic ideas. why does this happen to me.

[pinksturniolo]

hands on - chris sturniolo

warnings: nsfw content, smut

a/n:chris’s hands are sooo sexy i just had to write a lil essay on them 💦 i don’t know wtf this is, a blurb, drabble or hc but here u go 😭

✰ it’s painfully obvious (to me at least) that one of chris’s love language is physical touch and that means he would take his time running and caressing his large hands over your body, no doubt leaving goosebumps on your skin and making your heart race. he knows all your sweet spots, and loves to see the reaction your body has to his touch.

✰ when he holds hands with you, they almost engulf yours due to the size comparison. he’s always so soft, since he takes care of his nails and skin, and it drives you crazy just the way they look when he would rest one of his hands on your thigh, his veins showing when he squeezes you teasingly.

✰ speaking of teasing, chris would definitely rub your leg under the table at dinner, sneaking his fingers under the hem of your shorts, testing you to see how quiet you can be with everyone around. he would lean in close, his mouth against your ear so only you can hear him. “what’s wrong baby? feeling okay?” he would whisper as you visibly get nervous next to him, his hot breath on your neck as he inches his fingers even closer to the edge of your panties.

and the second he brushes your clit, rubbing you over the fabric and gathering your arousal on his fingertips, only to bring them up to his mouth, tasting you as he wraps his lips around his fingers…. you physically have to keep yourself from moaning aloud before excusing yourself to the bathroom.

✰ say it was your first time having someone touch you like that, the only exploring of your body done by your own hands. chris would be so patient and gentle with you. he takes his time getting you all worked up and ready for his fingers, kissing your lips, neck, chest and every inch of skin he can feel until you were panting and begging him to touch you. once he confirms you want this, he’s sliding his long slender fingers into you very slowly, the feeling of how wet and tight you are making him moan. “fuck baby, all this for me?” once you’re adjusted to the stretch, he revels in the little sounds and whimpers you make for him, and the feeling of his fingers filling you up is an almost overwhelming pleasure.

he would coo against your neck, “shhh ‘s okay mamas i got you, just relax. does it feel good? yeah?… shit- “ he looks down, watching the way he slips in and out of you. “you’re so fucking pretty, i can’t believe i have you all to myself..”

✰ you would be hyper fixated once he made you cum from just his fingers alone, to the point you had to pull him into one of the supply closets at the triplets warehouse when you guys were just hanging out one day. he had been teasing you all afternoon. sitting across from you and mindlessly scrolling on his phone, signing pictures, spinning the basketball on his finger. okay, maybe he was oblivious to the effect he had on you by simply doing nothing but you just couldn’t help it. you needed him. so you pull him towards the closet in the hallway, away from everyone, and push him against the wall once you’re inside, pressing your lips to his and gripping his arms and shoulders, his muscles flexing underneath your touch.

“what’s gotten into you?” he asks, a smirk on his face as he knows damn well what you’re craving and he doesn’t wait for your response before turning your body around so now you’re the one pressed against the wall as he stands behind you, his hands around your waist, briefly grinding his crotch against your ass before he slides his hands under your skirt, feeling the way you’re already so soaked for him. “please chris… i need you…” you admit, your voice coming out breathy and his eyes roll back into his head from the way you beg for him, as he thrusts two fingers inside you, wasting no time. you cry out as he slaps his hand around your mouth, muffling your sounds. “quiet baby, you don’t want everyone to hear us do you?”

you moan repeatedly into his hand and grip onto his arm tightly as he fingers you from behind, his boner pressing into the back of your thigh as he grinds against you, getting off from your neediness. his raspy voice rattling praises into your ear, “you wanted my fingers that bad baby? how do you think you can take my cock later if this is how worked up you get hm?… you can use me anytime you want, mama… you’re so perfect, just for me”

taglist!! <3

@sturniolopepsi @tillies33ssss @whicked-hazlatwhore @riasturns @christhopersturniolo @junnniiieee07 @seahorsie11 @inveigledvex @mattslolita @certifiednatelover @glassesmattsbae @eryismum @sturncakez @wh0resstuff @ribread03 @sturniololoco @75sturn @mattscoquette @jnkvivi @h3arts4harry @chrizznmetswife @bambi-slxt @streamermattsgf @mattspolitank

[adayumantium]

The Good Guy 

Logan Howlett x fem!reader

A/N: MY FIRST LOGAN FIC YIPPEEEE; also, my first fic in ermm many, many years. My bad. Pls be nice as I try and get in the groove of it all… Inspired by  X2: X-Men United (2003), in which Logan ensures Jean that he can be “the good guy” that she needs. After being told that he’s the bad boy so many times, Logan is inclined to believe it

Summary: When you need a date to a family function, you know exactly who you want. He, on the other hand, is not so sure… 

W/C: 918 

tags/warnings: a n g s t then fluff, family functions , cursing, reader is shorter than Logan but i thinkk that’s the only physical descriptor, ooc!logan, maybe, just to cover my rusty writing, confessing feelings teehee, logan x fem! reader 

********************************

“Please Logan, please, please, please,” you pleaded. You weren’t one to beg, but this man did it to you. He took another puff of his cigar, refusing to meet your eyes. 

“No dice, bub,” he exhaled, “I’m not your guy,” his voice was gruff, rugged. 

“I already RSVP’d that I’d bring a plus one, I cannot show up by myself. I’d never hear the end of it,” you sighed, trying once more to entice him with your eyes. He was steadfast. “You don’t have to read into it or anything, it would be totally platonic,” you added quickly. 

“Then you have your pick of the mansion, sweetheart,” he scoffed. 

Even if this was true, you didn’t want anyone else. This is the man you wanted in formal wear. This is the man you wanted on your arm all night. This is the man you wanted to dance with, close enough to smell the whisky on his breath. The man you wanted to introduce to your family. Even a little rough around the edges, you would choose him any day. 

“Alright, then I pick you!” you insisted, tugging on his jacket. 

“Darlin’, I’m telling you, I really think you should reconsider,” he looked at you now, eyes full of something you can’t quite place. Fear? Doubt? 

“Lo, everyone else is lame! And there’s an open bar, and-”

“It's a bad idea!” Logan snapped, jerking away. Before you could react, he stormed inside, leaving you with nothing but the smoke in the air and a sinking feeling in your stomach.  

Would he not choose you back? 

Having left you behind, Logan slammed the door of his bedroom. Of course, in your years of knowing one another, he'd thought about you; his earliest memories of knowing you were fantasies, and he hated every moment in the dark after that. He felt selfish, wanting you to himself. You had such a good life. You were friends with good people, and you deserved a good guy. Not him. 

Logan was ripped back into reality by a knock on the door. He could smell your sweetness through the door. It made his mouth water, his fists clench. 

“Was I not clear enough?” he stood with a huff, striding to open the door. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t turn you away, not when he knew you were just trying to check on him. You would always do the right thing; it was part of your charm. 

“...Hi.” You looked up at him, clearly hurt. Through shaky breaths, you stood before him, and it sent his senses ablaze. He wanted nothing more than to hold you, to kiss your head, and tell you that he didn’t mean a word. But that was for guys who stuck around. Logan sucked his teeth, clinging to the leftover nicotine in an attempt to feel something other than dread. He hung onto the doorframe with one arm, shooing you off with the other. 

“Y/n, really, just-” 

“Logan, I’m in love with you,” you cried. At that moment, he couldn’t run anymore. Not from what he felt, or thought you felt. 

“Bub, I’m not what you want,” Logan shook his head, but refused to break from your eyes. “I, uh, I’ve seen a lot of shit, I’ve done a lot worse, and you need somethin’ a lot different from all that,” he exhaled. 

“That’s up to me!” you insisted. “You can’t tell me what I want, or ‘need’. That’s not up to you, Lo. If you don’t want me… just say that,” you quiver. “I don’t care about an asshole, but I can’t stand a liar,” you look at your feet, preparing yourself for imminent heartbreak. 

“Princess…” Logan whispers, tilting your chin up. His fingers are calloused, but gentle as the pad of his thumb runs over your face. “Is that what you think this is about?”

“I mean, what else could-” 

“Fuck, darlin’, I’m sorry. I…I meant what I said. I’ve seen a lot of shit. Been through a lot of shit. But that’s about me, not you. Shit, I mean, I’m obsessed with you,” he held your face in his hands, stroking your cheeks softly. “I’m just not the kind of guy you take home to meet your family. That’s all,” Logan shook his head. 

“Wait, you’re what?” you smile softly. 

“Y/n, I do want you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. Fuck, I…” he trailed off before crashing his lips into yours. Taken aback, you blinked once, twice, before melting into him. You loved the way Logan’s facial hair brushed your face; you often daydreamed about what it felt like. Your arms draped around his neck, and he settled on the small of your back. The taste of his lips was dizzying as Logan pulled you closer, making your chest flush to his. If the way his warmth enveloped your body wasn’t enough to drive you crazy, the little noises escaping his mouth definitely were. 

You pull back to take a breath, forehead against his. 

“I, uh, can’t promise you forever,” Logan sighed. “At least, not yet. But I can promise you right now, and I hope that’s enough, princess,” he nodded slowly, his hands making his way to your waist. 

“How about two weeks from now?” you smile. “Which is totally not an excuse to get you in a suit…” you giggle. 

“I guess I’ll come. Y’know. For the open bar,” he smiles back, pulling you into his room for further kissing. 

[astrologyobservationsss]

Random Observations

#4 synastry

5H OVERLAYS

SUN ☌ AC

SUN ASPECTING MARS

URANUS ☌/△/✱ PERSONAL PLANETS

PLUTO ASPECTING INNER PLANETS/POINTS

🍨 PEOPLE’S PERSONAL PLANETS IN YOUR 5H tell me if I’m wrong but, in my experience you can't stop smiling. They bring you joy and with just a look you start smiling (I guess this won’t happen if your 5H or the planets falling in you 5th are afflicted). I have some examples with two friends. With one, their Moon is falling in my 5th and with the other it’s Venus. One night, after meeting with some friends, we spend some time the three of us and literally we where kids laughing and making each other smile. Both of them produce me that feeling, but the second one in a more romantic way (even that I feel attracted by the Moon)

🍨 PEOPLE WITH SUN CONJUNCT YOUR ASCENDANT you look alike, and people can view similarities between you. For example, my friend follows an instagramer (christylevich) that has her Sun precisely conjunct my Ascendant. She always send me posts of her, telling me the resemblance. I also have this one with my sister -in a wider orb 2º-, same again. One more example could be my cousins Sun conjunct a friends of mine Ascendant. The other day I told her, WOW, you remind me of my cousin. And then I realize about the aspect. But in this case, my friend has her Mars conjunct my cousin Sun, and their suns are in opposition, so there's more added to it

I just noticed that all this examples happen in Virgo 🧐

🍨 SUN ASPECTING MARS I experienced this aspect several times, with hard and soft ones, and I can say that it’s SO attractive. The last example that made me want to write about this aspect was the trine. I have double whammy with tight orb with one of my work colleagues. In air (Libra-Aquarius) and earth (Virgo-Capricorn) signs. Apart from other good aspects that we share -trying to isolate this one- I would point out that we like how the other makes things. Since the beginning I was physically attracted to him. And he told me that he likes how I work. There is attraction. Although he shown me signs of that, the trine is more gentle than the hard aspects. With the square and opposition double whammy I noticed that the contrary can happen. It always depends on the natal chart of each individual and other aspects BUT, there is a feeling of “I don’t understand how you do things”. This happened to me with a flatmate. Even I accept her and she is nice, sometimes I have this feeling of, "why would you do that?"… (not proud of it)

🍨 URANUS ☌/△/✱ PERSONAL PLANETS LOVE-THESE-ASPECTS! Every person that I had this aspect with was amazing. Since the beginning I had 0 shame about being weird. In other words, I could be myself without restraining. But if I had to choose I would choose the SUN-URANUS as the best one. Being yourself is funny. There is no judgment between you. You feel alive and want to be with that person. It’s similar to the other aspects, but because there's different energies involved it subtly changes. With the VENUS-URANUS there’s that freedom-feeling that it’s comfortable, and in my experience, the Venus person will feel the attraction straight away

🍨 YOUR PLUTO ASPECTING THEIR INNER PLANETS/POINTS you can’t express this feeling with words. It's just something that happens with both of you. I have the VENUS-PLUTO double whammy—☌ to my Pluto and ✱ my Venus—with my best friend and it’s an aspect that creates glue. Is the level of deep understanding, there’s no secrets between you. Also, the conjunction is on the 4H, creating that level of openness to the private life. We also have MOON ☌ PLUTO and IC, again producing a deep level of emotional support and trust. On the other side Pluto negatively aspecting your inner planets/points, can be manipulating, but that’s another story, long enough to make a new post. What I can say is that it always depends on the maturity of the Pluto person, and how this planet is aspected in their natal chart. I always found Venus-Pluto aspects in the natal chart as a softener of that “toxic” intensity

Hope u liked it! :) And as always, I love to hear from your experience, so we both learn. Let your comment if you have something to share <3

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© Astrologyobservationsss

[verinarin]

In your embrace, my eternal haven unfurls

fluff | Dr. Ratio x Fem! Reader | bathing with Veritas, Veritas taking care of reader who’s on her period, very domestic fluff

Authors note | you guys should definitely commission me to write fics so I could e6 him/srs dm me, also Franz Kafka…

You can’t sleep all night long, tossing and turning underneath the sheets, but you feel grateful for your attentive husband, even though he’s an asshole at work, he’s surprisingly patient whilst taking care of you and your unpredictable mood swings

Finally, after he embraced your body you were able to fall asleep with his warm hands wrapping comfortably around your stomach, acting like a natural heat pack, his face nuzzled closely on your neck, kissing the skin softly as he murmured his musings about you

Slowly the sun rises, you notice the sudden vacancy beside you. Your husband always wakes up right at 6 in the morning to workout, so he left you wrapped around the duvet, acting like a cheap imitation of his warmth

It’s not long before he’s back with a cup of ginger tea in his hand, “Are you up ?,” he softly asks as you feel his weight beside you. “Physically yes, mentally I just want to decompose,” you reply weakly

He simply sighs before putting the cup down on the drawer next to the bed, “I made you some tea, you should wake up and drink it,” his hand brush your hair in an attempt to coax you to wake up, “It’s ginger tea, it’ll help you relieve the pain and it also has anti-inflammatory properties,”

With a groan you finally manage to drag your body to sit up straight, he reaches forward to the cup and slowly blows it for you. Once he deems the temperature is to your liking he slowly places the rim to your lips and tilts it back slowly letting the orange liquid fill your mouth

“Is it good ?, I added a little bit of sugar,” he asks as he sets the cup down, “It’s very comforting,” you reply turning your head towards him, you lean forward and press a delicate kiss on his lips as a sign of your appreciation

“Now we have work to do, but I asked Aventurine to let us arrive a little bit late at the office,” he says as he stands up and kneels before you on the ground, “So for the next three hours I’ll be taking care of my wife,”

And with that, he carries you to the bathroom, “H-hey what are you doing ?,” your face flush red from his sudden affection, he’s not usually this romantic. He does not reply however, he simply chuckles before resting you on the corner of the bathtub, he then turn on the warm water and fills the bath with petals of rose and lavender, “It’s been a while since we soak together,”

“I’m on my period Veritas,” you huff, feeling disgusted by the idea of soaking with him, “Does that change anything ?,” he shrugs as he walks back towards the bedroom to bring back your cup of tea, “Just keep drinking this, you’ll do more good drinking than stating the obvious,” he huffs as he place the warm cup on your hand

You quietly sip on your tea as he prepares the bath, the calming aroma of lavender mixed with roses emanates from the water. Without any warning your husband takes off his shirt, revealing his sculpted back towards you, in a swift move he discards his shorts, leaving him bare and your face red

“You’ve been blessed by this sight countless of times, why are your cheeks more pigmented than before huh ?,” he chuckles as he crouches before you, your face warm and red from the sight of him, “I mean can’t I marvel at the sight of my husband,”

“I guess you could,” he smirks before setting your cup of tea elsewhere and starts to slowly undress you from your nightgown, “I-i can do it by myself,” you huff which he replies with a small chuckle

“Of course, you can, but that doesn’t mean you should,” he slowly drags your panties down to your leg, prepping kisses across your thighs, softly marking the skin with his lips until your feet, “Don’t get too close, I’m dirty,”

“You’re not dirty, not in the slightest ! but if you think you are I’m afraid that I don’t care about these ignorant and foolish opinion about yourself,” he mumbles as he leans forward and kisses your bare stomach, then his lips travel towards your sternum and end at your lips, consuming the spicy taste of ginger on your soft lips

“Such a romantic fool now are you ?, not like the first time we met,” you chuckle against his lips, you can feel a smile forming against your lips as he recalls how annoying he was to you, “Well perhaps I like to leave rude comments here and there so you would always think of me,”

“Well congrats, it worked I’m married to said asshole,” you laugh, making him smile in return as he sees that breathtaking radiance you exude. Not before long he swiftly carries you into the warm bath, he holds you close as he descends into the warm bath, the water is halfway filled so it’ll prevent it from flooding out of the tub.

He gently rests you on his muscular thigh, his face resting on your shoulder as he holds your waist, the tension on his muscles slowly alleviated as he’s embracing the warmth of the pristine azure and your bare skin, bathing by himself clears his mind, but bathing with you cleanse his soul and revitalise his whole being,

“In your embrace, my eternal haven unfurls,” he softly whispers beside your ear. He’s been yours for three years now but he never cease to admire you, his lips pressed against your head, inhaling your scent as his hands gently massage your sides, “Feels good ?,” he whispers against your neck as his trained fingers massage the points on your lower stomach to alleviate your cramps

You muster a relaxed sigh as you rest your head on his shoulder, his face now rest on your own shoulder enjoying the view underneath the pristine water, how delicate and soft your body looks against his own, at this point he knew he would be late to work, but he didn’t care at all, he has been yearning for a time well spent on his wife

“I long for you; I who usually longs without longing, as though I am unconscious and absorbed in neutrality and apathy, really, utterly long for every bit of you,”

[frudoo]

I really like your writing! I'm so glad I found your page. I was wondering if I could do a drabble or little one shot ask about the 141 boys (poly or individual doesn't matter either way) I just had this idea because there's so many ideas about the boys not thinking they're good enough for their girl but what if it was the opposite way and I was wondering what you'd think their reactions would be.

The idea is that their girl is on the phone with her friend thinking they can't hear her talking (maybe they were asleep or out for a run or something) and her friend asks how things are going with them. Their girl full on gushes about the boys to her friend and her friend is like "oooo sounds like love to me! Have you told them yet?" And their girl is like "I... No of course not...They can't love me, I couldn't possibly expect them to."

This is long but thank you for listening to me ramble!

PLEASE I got so sappy with this one I just couldn't stop my fingers from typing. Also you're such a sweetheart <333

Warnings: Mentions of self-doubt, food, mentions of sex. Fem!Reader. MDNI.

Kyle Garrick:

     Kyle’s had a long day, and the man just wants a proper cup of tea. He starts down the hallway, but when he hears his name coming from your room, he stops dead in his tracks. He knows it’s wrong, but he can’t help but crack your door open to eavesdrop a bit. 

     “I’m telling you, he’s perfect! When I have a bad day, he’ll take me out for coffee, or we’ll go for a walk or just look around the pet store. Sometimes he’ll even do my laundry! It’s- it’s not a crush anymore. I’m in love with him,” you ramble on to your friend, who’s giggling with glee over the speaker of your phone.

     “Well, have you told him?” She questions excitedly, and you go quiet for a moment.

     “Of course I haven’t. Why would I? It’s not… it’s not like he feels the same. I’d just be hurting myself,” you reply sadly.

     Kyle frowns deeply, and he’s almost positive he can physically feel his heart breaking. God, he’d rather fall out of another helo than ever hear you sound so distraught again. He wants nothing more than to barge into your room and pull you into his arms, kiss away all your doubts and prove to you just how much he loves you. Instead, the sound of your voice brings him back to reality. 

     “I think I’m gonna grab a snack. It was good talking to you,” you hang up the phone and open your door, surprised to see your roommate standing right there. “Kyle! Shit, did- did you-? I’m so-”

     “Y’mean it?” Kyle asks softly, not wanting you to feel embarrassed.

     Even so, you sheepishly nod your head, unable to meet his eyes. His warm hands cup your face and lift your head up to look at him, and he smiles so warmly that you can’t help but do the same.

     “Silly girl. I love you, too.”

     John Price:

     The base was dead today, barely any paperwork to do or new recruits to train. For the first time in months, John was able to get off on time, and he decided to surprise you with a bouquet of flowers and your favorite Indian food. When he arrives at your flat, he uses his spare key to unlock the door and steps inside, kicking off his boots—ever since that one time you playfully lectured him on keeping your home clean, he’s engraved the rule into his brain.

     John sets your gifts on the island in your kitchen, glancing around for any signs of where you could be. You’re definitely home, he can tell that much by your keys dangling off the holder and your own shoes by the door. He carefully steps through the hallway and hears your unmistakable voice in the bathroom, along with the quiet sound of running water. He goes to turn the handle but decides against it when he hears his name slip from your lips.

     “God, I love John so much, you don’t understand. He’s everything I could ever want. Every time I see him, I just- I wanna kiss him stupid, y’know? I mean, shit, he’s already seen every part of me since he’s my best friend and all.”

     “So… when are you gonna tell him? It sounds like he’s interested, babe,” your friend’s voice rings through your phone. “Best friends don’t normally just see each other naked.”

     “Oh, stop it. There’s no way he could feel the same. I’m just… I couldn’t ask that of him. It wouldn’t be fair.”

     John’s heard enough. He trudges back into the kitchen and fixes your plate of takeout, as well as a glass of wine and some chocolates. He arranges the food on a tray and brings it back to the bathroom, not even bothering to knock before walking inside. You scream, and normally he would laugh, but he’s so hurt that you think you’re unworthy of his love, and he’s dead set on proving otherwise. 

     “Do you always scare the shit out of people you’re trying to surprise?” You laugh, hand resting on your chest as if it’ll calm your beating heart.

     “Only the one I’m in love with, sweet girl.”

     Simon Riley:

     “M’gonna step out for a smoke, love,” Simon informs you, and you nod politely.

     The coffee shop is a little too crowded for Simon’s liking, and he needs a break. Your company is the sweetest he could ask for, and he feels bad leaving you for even a second, but the demons in his head were begging for an escape. Still, he stands by the window where your table is located just so he can keep an eye on you. Call it a weakness, but when he sees you messaging your friend, he can’t tear his eyes away from the conversation. Thank the heavens for the little slip-up the café made, having the one-way windows installed inside out.

yeah he’s like,,, stupidly perfect

it’s like he’s trying to make me lose it???

like sir i’m already in love with you

what more do you want

lmaooo why haven’t u told him yet????

he’s obviously in love with ur dumb ass too

oh fuck off

you know we’re just friends

don’t give me hope

     Simon frowns deeply, tossing the butt of his cigarette on the ground and crushing it with his boot. He’s spent his whole life in shackles, deeming himself unlovable, unworthy of anything good or sweet or kind. But when he met you, those thoughts dissolved like melting snow—he even took the mask off for you. He didn’t even know it was possible to love somebody so much, so to have the one person he adores more than anything in the world doubt herself? He won’t have it. 

     He reenters the coffee shop in a hurry, long legs striding over to you as quickly as possible. Before you can even react, he leans down to press his lips against yours, hands firmly on your face to keep you still. When he pulls back, he’s near tears looking at your shocked expression.

     “I don’t love y’like a friend. I love y’like a man loves his wife, like you’re the air I breathe. I’ve always been yours, y’hear me? Always.”

     Johnny MacTavish:

     Johnny’s expecting to feel your warm body beside his when he wakes, but instead he’s met with the soft thud of his arm onto the unoccupied sheets where you should be. He frowns and rubs the sleep from his eyes, checking his phone—it’s only 4:00 in the morning, and the sun isn’t even out yet. You’ve obviously not been in bed for a while, and it worries him. Did you leave in the middle of the night, all by yourself? Shit, what if something bad happened to you?

     Johnny hops out of bed and quickly pulls on his jeans from last night, starting a frantic search through his house. You’re not in the bathroom, or in any of the spare rooms, not even the sunroom where you love to cozy up and read a book. The last place he thinks to check is the kitchen, and lo and behold, there you are, brewing some coffee and talking on the phone to someone. Your best friend, he realizes, when you put the call on speaker to pour yourself a cup. 

     “It’s just… last night, he told me he loved me, and it- I don’t know. It ruined me. I couldn’t even finish, I had to fake it.”

     Johnny freezes and leans against the door frame. His stomach feels sick suddenly—did he really fuck up that bad last night? God, he knew he should have just kept his mouth shut, but he figured there was no better time to confess his feelings for you while he was… well, inside of you. He really thought you felt the same. Your little sniffle drags him out of his thoughts, and his eyes land on your now crying figure once again.

     “N-no, you don’t understand. I know he just said it because of the sex. I’m not… he couldn’t love me. Not the way I love him. We’re just friends who happen to sleep together sometimes. It’s my own fault for catching feelings when he- he deserves someone so much better,” the break in your voice destroys Johnny and all he can do is listen as your best friend calms you down.

     He doesn’t make a move until you’ve hung up. Only after you’ve set the phone down does he come barreling in, wrapping his strong arms around you, ignoring your shriek of surprise. Johnny pulls back to cup your face in his hands, thumbs wiping away the fresh tears that managed to slip past your waterline.

“Ye’re the only one ah want. D’ye understand? Ye’re the only one fer me. Ah meant wha’ ah said, hen, ah love ye. There’s no’ a force on this earth tha’ could make me want ye less. Ye’re mine, alreit? As much as ah’m all yers.”

[gothcsz]

The Boy is Mine | Javier Peña x Fem!Reader | ~7k wc | Part 1 of the Fantasize series | Explicit. Minors DNI.

Summary: You become obsessed with the new DEA attaché.

Tags: oral (m receiving), stalking, voyeurism, dirty talk, masturbation (f), we're humping a pillow y'all, light spanking, javi's gun makes an appearance, some physical descriptions but overall it's pretty vague, dubcon, no use of Y/N, reader is a photojournalist, other shit i’m probably forgetting.

A/N: i told myself i was going to take my time with this but i've been hyperfixated on this song and music video since it dropped... imagining my favorite pedro boy and... well i cranked this sucker out so fast. oh to break in to javi's apartment and blow him into oblivion 😫 let me know what you think! i might write a part 2 if there's interest for it xoxo mwah enjoy queridas. 🖤

DIVIDERS CREDIT: saradika

You’ve never seen a man so handsome. So determined. So capable.

So perfect.

You knew from the moment you laid eyes on him that he was the one.

You’d been waiting outside of the embassy in the pouring rain for over an hour trying to catch him while on his break, wanting to get a quote from the new DEA attaché on his plans to tackle the Cali cartel.

That’s why you’re here in Colombia. Fresh out of grad school with a masters in photojournalism. Your advisor had presented to you a great position in South America involving documenting the war on drugs and its subsequent effects. Despite Pablo Escobar’s death, this so called war remained relentless, and with your ability to capture photos that truly are worth a thousand words, your advisor knew you’d be perfect for the job.

So here you are, immersed in a beautiful country, working your dream job. It had its bad days just like anything else; but your passion and prowess made those hard days worth it.

When he finally did emerge from the government building, you shivered and it wasn’t because you were soaking wet from the rain. 

Your handbag did little to nothing to shield you from it as you held it over your head and jogged over to him.

He immediately blew you off, quickly eyeing your appearance before giving you a simple ‘no comment’ which would usually piss you off and have you press further–– however, you were left in a trancelike state by merely being in his presence.

He was more handsome than you could have imagined. You didn’t know what he looked like before arriving, solely going off the description given to you by your boss then what little his secretary had told you when you called to ask for a meeting earlier (which you were denied).

Brows cinched together in a perpetual frown, pouty lips turned downward in a scowl with chocolate brown eyes that make you miss the warmth of your hometown. 

He had taken your breath away entirely, leaving you standing there in a puddle of both rain and arousal as he darted off in the opposite direction.

That was all you needed, really, to be thrown into a pit of absolute delusion and wanton want for Javier Peña.

You watch him relentlessly. At first, it began with scouring through the archives, reading any printings that involved him, seeing his photograph on countless articles and video footage of him giving press conferences.

The more you dived in to the professional life of the agent, the more devoted you became.

Then the following started. To and from work. Late nights at the bar. While tracking down leads. You can’t help yourself, you are obsessed. Everything this man does is fascinating, further deluding you into an infatuated trance.

You don’t know where this side of you came from. You’re usually so unproblematic and independent, your sole focus being your career with little to no time to even fathom romance.

There’s just something about him that flipped this twisted switch within you, rendering you a cock-thirsty, lovestruck mess.

One night, you watched him bring another woman home and that’s when you realized how palpable your obsession had gotten. The jealousy that bubbled in your chest became unbearable. So much, that it led you to get out of your car, climb the fire escape of his luxurious apartment building, and onto his balcony.

You observed from the other side of the glass door, in the shadows, as he took this woman on his couch.

A plethora of toxic emotions swirled within you. Envy and arousal the most intense, your thighs clenching together at the sight of his bare torso against the gentle, warm light of the singular lamp that was on.

A sheen of sweat glistened over his tan skin. He is so chiseled with a softness that makes you want to run your tongue against every dip and ridge, all the way down to the enticing trail of hair that leads right to what you crave the most.

You sighed, fantasizing about being in that lucky bitch’s spot, with his hands running all over you, kneading and squeezing your curves, the scratch of his mustache having your skin curl beneath the coarser touch. You managed to control the whimper that threatened to slip up your throat in the off chance that it got you caught.

It’s not until you felt your pager in your pocket that you returned to reality, the buzz forcefully pulling you from your erotic daydream. With a final glance at their moving bodies, at him, you swiftly descended the fire escape and to the nearest phone booth.

Since that night you’ve been insatiable. You just need one taste, a small, micro dose of him to keep your hunger at bay.

It’s not until a few days later that you return to his apartment. He’s away for work in Cali (you followed him to the airport, watching him board the plane behind your thick sunglasses and a newspaper) leaving his place empty with no surveillance. You ascend the fire escape again, the city lights of the capitol twinkling in the distance. 

Slipping your gloves on, you expertly pick the lock of the balcony door before suavely entering the space. You’ve been practicing on your own at home in preparation.

It’s neat and clean. Not much personality to it which is unsurprising considering how stoic this man is. His hardened demeanor amongst the many things about him that drive you crazy. There’s never a break in his expression, always painted with typical tension and weariness.

You wonder if you could be the one who is able to crack him. To get a reaction out of that handsome face.

After surveying the entirety of the open space, you sneak down the hallway and push open the door of his bedroom.

Immediately, his smell engulfs your senses and your eyes flutter close at the scent. It’s comforting yet enticing; nothing different than what other men smell like, but there’s something about Javier specifically that you just can’t describe.

It’s so satisfying. A fucking aphrodisiac.

Walking deeper into the room, you diligently rummage through his belongings, beginning in his en suite bathroom.

With every little piece you study, you learn more about the agent. What toothpaste he uses, the brand of razors that he buys, the specific shade of blue of his towels.

Little things you wouldn’t be able to catch during your, plainly put, stalking.

Back in the room, you open the drawer that stores his shirts, your fingers running along the front of a brightly colored pink one that’s neatly folded at the top.

You imagine yourself walking around in this and nothing else, the softness of the fabric hanging from your curves, unbuttoned enough to expose the swells of your breasts, and maybe even a nipple slip to tempt him even further.

Would he think you look sexy in his clothes?

You now stand at the foot of his large bed, the window behind it casting the silver of the moonlight against the mattress tantalizingly, as if urging you to go full on goldilocks by climbing in it and pretending it’s a bed you share with him.

You stare and you stare, lower lip pinched between your teeth before you gently crawl onto it, lowering your chest so it brushes against the duvet as your nose trails up up up until it’s at his pillow, inhaling deeply as you get a more potent smell of him. 

A sweet moan pushes through your lips, your clit throbbing in tandem with your heart as you lose yourself entirely, your mind already conjuring an erotic fantasy.

Your lips against his thick neck, licking and biting the salty skin while he fucks you in missionary. The details become so vivid; that familiar furrow of his brows as he concentrates on your soaking cunt swallowing his cock, fingers digging into the skin of your hips as he praises you for taking his dick like the good little slut that you are.

You whimper, grinding your hips against the mattress, the friction delicious against your clit, while your nose remains buried in the pillow.

Deciding that you need more, you lift your head momentarily to grab one of the other cushions and then slip your jeans off; tossing them on the floor and placing the cushion between your thighs.

Positioning yourself at the perfect angle, you bring the pillow he sleeps on up to your face and begin to grind down on the one between your legs.

Drifting back to your lewd thoughts, you picture him beneath you while your hips move at a sensual pace. You know you’d take him bare, needing to feel every vein and divot… how thick he is breaking your pussy open while simultaneously molding it to fit perfectly tight around his cock.

His mouth on your bouncing breasts, nipping and sucking on your nipples while his large hand runs down to land a harsh slap against your ass cheek, groping the skin to soothe it before repeating the action again and again and again.

You move faster against the pillow, your now ruined panties only adding to the overwhelming sensation as the wet fabric rubs against your needy pussy. 

“Javier…” His name falls from your lips in a gasp when your face leaves the pillow, your body needing fresh air but you being selfish and wanting to suffocate in his scent. You know your wetness is smearing all over the pillow but you really don’t give a fuck at the moment, too caught up in your own pleasure and delusions to think of how wrong this is.

But it feels so good.

Your free hand goes under your shirt and bra to massage your sensitive tit, stomach tightening as your orgasm begins to creep up on you.

You think of his devilishly curved nose and how fucking magnificent it’d feel nudging against your clit while you ride his face. That position specifically has always made you a little nervous due to the thickness of your thighs and ass, but you just know that he would be able to handle it like the sex god that he is.

His tongue would lap over your slit hungrily, kissing your folds before wrapping his lips around the flesh of your clit and sucking hard. The phantom sensation of it is enough to get you to hump harder against the pillow and bury your face into the one in your hands once more, your cunt clenching around nothing as euphoria washes over you.

The room is filled with your muffled moans and cries of his name as you come undone, hips wildly thrusting against the cushion and your juices absolutely soak through it.

It’s an out of body experience, really, as you attempt to return back to earth.

You’ve never came that hard, especially not on your own.

Breathing heavily, you take what feels like an eternity to calm your shaking body down. Once your mind is a little clearer, you wobble off the bed and proceed to wash the pillow you just marked like a possessive cat, lounging around his apartment until you’ve made sure everything is as he left it before swiftly making your exit.

His return comes in the form of a news broadcast. You’re in the middle of cooking dinner when you hear the anchorwoman report that one of the Cali godfathers, Gilberto Rodríguez, has been arrested thanks to the joint efforts of the DEA and Search Bloc.

The kitchen knife falls from your hands and onto the cutting board as you scurry over to the boxy television set in your living room, fingers twisting the knob to increase the volume as he appears.

You’re kneeled in front of the screen, face damn near pressed up against it as you intently watch him command the room. He stands behind a podium with microphones pointed at him from every direction, cameras shuttering, an array of men on either side of him and a large crowd gathered at the front.

“I promise you… the other three godfathers will fall.”

You nod your head as if he is speaking only to you, “That’s right baby, you tell them. So hot.” 

You stand, attention still fully on the television as that familiar stir of arousal begins to heat up within you.

He’s home and your resolve is wearing thin. Thin enough that you decide to say fuck it.

You need another taste.

Dinner is long forgotten as you go to your room, pulling open the closet and grabbing a solid black box from the top shelf.

You purchased this little number when your fantasies had begun. Wearing it around your apartment while you teased yourself, roleplaying him coming home after a long work trip and using your pussy to help him forget the horrors of his job.

Using a realistic looking dildo, you imagined it to be the man of your dreams while you fucked yourself with it in a myriad of positions.

The outfit is simple. A short, black leather dress with a corset bust and sheer sleeves that cover your shoulders and arms, doing a great job of making you look sexy. The skirt falls at your upper thigh, exposing your nylon clad legs paired with simple black heels. You slip on your mesh gloves, your red acrylics popping against the black, almost see through material.

The ensemble looks divine against your skin but you feel like something is missing. Taking one, long look at your face you realize that you’re not ready to fully reveal yourself to him, so you turn back to your closet and your eyes light up once you see the cat mask you wore to a costume party not that long ago.

You smirk at the idea.

A sexy little cat burglar. Breaking in to take what she wants.

Putting it on, your reflection stares back at you and you feel like a whole different person. The corset cinches your waist just right, your thighs curvy and inviting beneath the stockings, tits pressed together and almost spilling out the top.

The lacy mask covers half your face, leaving your glossy lips exposed with cute kitten ears at the top. 

You’d fuck yourself, honestly. This new wave of confidence does nothing but fuel your determination.

Walking over to the opposite side of your room, you tilt your head up to take in the shrine of photos you’ve made of him.

Most come from you and your camera, all those days you spent watching him and documenting his every move. Others are from newspapers then there’s some messy sketches you did out of boredom.

Your finger comes up to trace his sharp features on one of the pictures, lingering on his nose and your pussy tingles as you breathe out a wistful sigh.

You can’t wait to try him.

Throwing on a black trench coat, you leave your apartment and take the familiar route to his. It’s raining, but not harsh enough to spoil your plans. Just a light drizzle.

When you arrive, your heart sinks at the fact that he isn’t home yet. Of course. He was just on TV! You hadn’t really thought this plan all the way through, absolutely blinded by your desire.

Whatever, you take the time to touch up on your makeup and fix your hair. The night presses on until finally you see his jeep coming down the road and pulling into the garage of the building.

With a final look over in your rearview mirror, you exit the car and cross the street to make your way up the familiar ladder, careful not to slip against the slick surface with the heels you have on.

Thankfully there’s no one out tonight, and if there was you aren’t sure how the hell you’d explain what you’re doing. You don’t even know how to explain it to yourself.

The butterflies in your stomach wildly flutter once you make it to his balcony, rain droplets adorn the glass door and you crouch to keep yourself hidden.

He walks in not long after, looking exhausted as ever as he pulls his tie loose around his neck and tosses his keys into a small bowl at the entryway table. His expensive dress shoes are kicked off, suit jacket slipping from shoulders revealing how broad he is. You bite your lip.

He stalks across the apartment, not even glancing in your direction, unbuttoning part of his shirt and rolling up the sleeves. His figure is a little blurry due to the condensation on the door but you don’t care, you’re under his spell as you watch him pour himself a glass of whiskey.

Wetting your lips, you can almost taste the spicy liquor as he drinks it in one shot before pouring himself another. Except this time it’s on the rocks.

Would the ice make his lips cool? Surely. A shiver dances down your spine at the thought of them pressed against your heated skin. 

The orange street light casts softly into the space, the shadows sharpening his features and making him look more rugged and masculine and just downright fuckable. You want to so badly break through the glass and take a seat on that chiseled jaw, to have him harshly grip your ass as you fuck yourself on his tongue.

He disappears down the hallway and into his office, giving you the opportunity to sneak in like last time. You give yourself one final pep talk before fully committing, slipping off the trench coat and tossing it aside.

After picking the lock, you very diligently and quietly slide the door open and enter, shutting it behind you.

Just like the cat burglar you pretend to be, you suavely follow his trail down the hallway, leaving a wet trail of your own from the rain, stopping at the cracked door of his office.

You see him hunched over his wooden desk, back facing you, deep in thought at whatever documents lay sprawled against the surface.

His back muscles tense with every subtle move he makes, your dark eyes taking him in entirely from his slutty little waist to the curls at the nape of his neck.

You can tell he’s been frustratingly running his fingers through his hair since it’s sticking up in some places, making it look so sexily tousled.

You want to tug on it, run your fingertips against his scalp while he devours you whole.

So lost in your observance of him, you don’t catch the moan that escapes you and his head snaps up at the sound. 

Your eyes widen and you take a delicate step back, still watching as he reaches for the gun that’s nestled against his lower back.

Trying not to make too much noise, you make your way further down the hall and into his bedroom, heart in your throat as you climb into his bed, laying on your side with your body weight propped up on one hand as you anticipate his presence.

This is it. This is what you’ve been dreaming of since the moment you laid eyes on him.

The first thing you see is the silver tip of his pistol as the door opens further, then he comes fully into view with that goddamn scowl on his face that makes your skin tingle.

His breath hitches once he lays eyes on you, large hands squeezing the weapon as you sexily wave at him.

“Hello agent.”

Your sweet voice fills the space, the muted sound of the weather picking up outside serving as the perfect white noise to set the ambiance for this scene.

“Who the fuck are you and how the hell did you get in here?”

Oh, his voice. So smooth yet raspy like the whiskey and cigarettes he can’t live without.

“An admirer that saw you took down one of the godfathers and decided to come thank you in person.”

His gaze narrows, gun lowering slightly as he contemplates whether you’re a threat or not.

You are, but not in the way that he thinks.

“How did you get in?”

“That’s a trick I’m going to have to keep to myself.”

You shift your body, moving to rest on your knees and you watch as his eyes lustfully trace the contours of your figure. You’re absolutely keening beneath the heaviness of his stare, loving the fact that you have his undivided attention.

It doesn’t even worry you that he’s got a fully loaded gun pointed right at your pretty face. If anything, it just turns you on even more.

“What do you want?”

“I already told you. To thank you in person.” Your eyes roll and his jaw tightens.

“Thank me in person?” He echoes your words with a dry chuckle, “What the fuck does that even mean?”

“Let me show you.” Your tone is hushed and dripping with suggestion, slipping off the bed slowly and sensually.

You watch his adam’s apple bob at your change of position, letting him see you in your full get up, watching intently as his eyes land on a different part of your body with every second that passes.

“Drop the gun, Javier.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I could do right now.”

You cock your head to the side, eyes narrowing behind the mask as you contemplate your next move.

He’s standing on the rug that’s spread out against the wooden floor which gives you an idea.

“Please? I’m not going to hurt you.” You whine with a pout, beginning to lower yourself to the ground as if showing him your unwavering submission.

The seconds that tick by feel like hours as you attentively take each other in. Then you hear it, your ears twitching at the faint sound of the safety switching on and it’s enough to spur you into action.

You don’t know where this newfound strength comes from, probably the adrenaline you feel of simply existing in the same room as him. You yank the rug, causing him to lose his footing as he falls onto his back with a loud thud, the gun slipping from his grasp and sliding across the floor.

He groans out in pain but you don’t care, pulling him closer, then fully on your knees as you begin to crawl over to him.

“I told you to put the gun down.” 

He’s still on his back, making no attempt to move as you draw closer. He does lean up on his forearms, dark eyes fixed on you, watching as you shuffle on your hands and knees until you plant your hands on his shins and work your way up.

You barely graze the hardening bulge in his pants, causing him to shudder, and white heat licks at your core knowing that in this moment; he wants you too.

The two of you don’t break eye contact as you straddle him, gloved hands falling on his pecs.

“I’m not usually like this…” you begin in a gentle murmur, running your open palms anywhere you can, relishing in feeling his taut body beneath yours after fantasizing about it for so long, “Shit, it’s like news to me, but I can’t ignore my heart anymore.”

One of your hands wraps around his tie, tugging on it harshly until you’re nose to nose with the man that’s been living in your head rent free for the past few weeks.

His lust blown, brown eyes search yours, as if trying to discern your identity which you assume he’ll never figure out. You’ve only ever had that one interaction and even then he had barely paid you any attention.

You feel his breath fanning across your mouth, so badly do you want to press your lips against his but you suppress the urge.

You continue to play with him, enjoying this sense of power you have with how compliant he’s being.

You expected for him to be fully dominant, which you know he’s capable of being since you watched him fuck the shit out of that one girl. But it seems like this, your taboo act and the suddenness of it, is affecting him in an entirely different way.

You put pressure against your palms, having him lay flat on his back and you hover over him, taking in all the small details of his charming face.

The frown lines, hairs of his mustache, blemishes and faint scars. Every little detail making you fall harder and harder for him. He has no idea just how much he means to you.

“What game are you playing at here, gatita?” He gives in, entranced by this enigma of a woman that’s perched over him. His calloused hands grip at your outer thighs, blunt fingernails almost ripping the fabric of your stockings.

You hum at his touch, loving the sound of the pet name, gently rocking on his lap and clutching his shirt in your fists.

“One where you’re the prize, handsome.”

You lean forward, sticking your tongue out and slowly licking a broad stripe from his chin all the way to the tip of his nose, curling your tongue when you flick at it.

His chest vibrates with a groan and you smirk at the feeling of his cock twitching underneath his pants.

“You looked so good on the news tonight. I couldn’t help myself.”

You undo his tie, toying with the notion of wrapping it around his wrists to detain him, but with what you have planned on doing to him tonight, you’d rather keep his hands accessible. 

Maybe next time.

You toss the silky fabric aside to focus on unbuttoning his shirt. He does nothing but remain silent, his chest heaving up and down while he suppresses the primal urge to take over and fuck this sweet little thing that’s dropped herself on his lap.

And you know he’s more than capable of switching the roles. He’s strong and skilled, could easily flip you onto your back and proceed to exert his dominance over you.

But you’re the one with the grand plan here, not him, and he’s indulging in your shared fantasy by letting you do whatever it is that you want, lost in a horny daze of his own.

The silence is comfortable and it further builds the sexual tension. You finish getting his shirt undone, opening it wider to get a better look at his toned body.

“So hot. You drive me crazy, agent.” You’re so wet, the slickness of your arousal seeping through the flimsy material of your thong smears against his fancy dress pants.

“Y tú, kitten, look like something out of a wet fucking dream. I have to be dreaming.”

You giggle, blushing at his words as some coyness slips into your facade.

“You’re not dreaming. I promise you.” 

Leaning down once more, you begin to leave wet kisses against the cut of his jaw, suckling on the warm skin then running your nose along the length of his neck.

You take in a deep breath, smelling his cologne atop of his sweat and natural scent and you feel so high. 

No amount of cocaine comes close to how Javier Peña makes you feel.

You suck a love bite against a protruding vein in his neck, a grunt pushing past his lips at the sensation of your teeth grazing the skin. 

Satisfied with your possessive marking, you lick from his jaw all the way up to his ear, biting down on the lobe.

“Now I’m going to taste you.” You purr seductively, leaning back to look down at his absolutely wrecked face.

His puppy eyes stare up at you like you’re the only woman in the world, a goddess that’s decided to bestow such an erotic experience onto him. He knows you’re about to ruin his body for any other woman that comes after you.

You decide to be a little theatrical, slowly pulling off your gloves to reveal your pretty hands and fresh manicure.

He can’t help but bring his large hand up to grasp your wrist, pulling your hand closer to his face as he studies your nails before gently nipping at your fingers, then slipping two digits into his mouth, running his tongue all over them and sucking them softly.

You gasp at the sensation, not breaking eye contact while he smirks at your reaction. Suddenly, lighting strikes and the room is illuminated for a split second in the white light. 

You both look so feral, suspended in this vivacious moment.

Pulling your hand away, you let it drag down his pouty bottom lip, pinching the delicate skin before shuffling back on his lap.

You hover again, this time at eye level with his chest as you place soft kisses against his brown skin, tongue peering out to lick his pecs then down his soft tummy.

His hips buck involuntarily and you pull back, tilting your head to the side as you look down at him.

“Stay still or this little kitten is going to find someone else to play with.”

A litany of curses fall from his lips in both English and Spanish, but you pay it no mind, your attention on his belt as you unbuckle it then pop the button of his dress pants.

Leaning down, you bring your face until it’s right at his crotch and you catch the metallic zipper between your teeth.

Slowly pulling it down, your eyes flit up to him and he’s intently watching you, his own tongue hanging from his mouth like a dog in anticipation of what you’re about to do.

You press your nose into the fabric of his now exposed boxers, nuzzling your face against his erection and his breath catches in his throat.

Your wetness managed to penetrate through his pants and onto his boxers, so you kitten lick your arousal from him and he lets out a guttural moan.

Basking in the sounds of his pleasure, you continue until there’s a giant wet spot on the cotton.

Deciding that it’s time you get what you came here for, your fingers hook at the band of his bottoms, dragging them down to his mid thigh and he assists you by lifting his hips.

His cock is so fucking big. Your eyes widen at the sight as it rests against his left thigh.

It’s thick, like you imagined, with ridges and veins that are begging to be traced by the tip of your tongue.

The color of it is a little darker than the rest of his body, the weeping tip plush and leaking with excessive precum from your foreplay. It’s cut with a subtle curve, long enough to where you know if he angles it just right; he’d bruise the fuck out of your cervix.

“Mmm,” you hum, licking your lips like a woman who has been starved for far too long.

“¿Que pasó, nena? Cat got your tongue?” This asshole, teasing you as if he’s not the one at your mercy.

But is that really the truth? One would observe that you’re the one at his mercy; considering your obsession with the DEA agent.

“It just looks so delicious,” you purr, bringing your hand to hover your face.

Meeting his gaze, you seductively lick your palm, wetting it with your saliva before wrapping it around his throbbing length.

“Mierda,” he hisses, head dropping back against the hardwood floor as you begin to pump him in languid motions, getting a feel for what he likes. Attuned.

His flesh feels warm and smooth beneath your smaller hand, your thumb swipes over his tip as you collect some of his precum.

You bring it up to your lips, sucking it into your mouth and you whimper at the taste. Salty, heady, intoxicating.

You need more.

Your hand leaves his cock as you position yourself in between his strong thighs. His dick stands erect, waiting for you to lavish it in your attention.

Leaning down, you poke your tongue out to run one long, broad stripe from his balls all the way up to his head.

He shudders, fists clenching at his sides while his slit spurts out more precum.

“I got you all wet, baby.” you gloat with a gentle laugh, repeating the motion a few more times.

Each groan of his and twitch of his body influences you to keep going, placing open mouthed kisses all over his base then up and down his cock. Making out with it.

You let a wad of spit fall over his tip and watch as it drips down obscenely over his length, bringing your hand back to pump him a little faster with a tighter grip. Your saliva drips from in between your knuckles. 

“That’s it, gatita, just like that pretty girl.” He’s getting more vocal now and you’re intoxicated, drunk off his praise.

You slap the fat head of his cock against your pursed lips a few times before letting your tongue lap at the slit then sinfully lick around the tip. 

Your tongue continues its assault on his girth, lapping every inch of it like he’s a refreshing mango popsicle on a hot summer day.

The attention is then shifted on his balls as you continue to jerk him, the tip of your muscle outlining the sensitive skin before you suck one into your mouth softly.

“Puta madre, bebita, esa boquita feels like fucking heaven.”

You whimper, nuzzling your nose against his sack and taking in his musky smell. Your mouth waters, drool leaking from the corners as you reposition yourself back over his hard cock.

You part your lips, taking him slowly, inch by inch as you savor the weight of him inside your hot mouth. Your hand remains at his base while you swallow him whole, tongue lapping around the bits that it can reach.

It’s not until you feel him tickle the back of your throat that you pull back slightly, sucking your cheeks in and beginning to set a slow pace.

Up, down, up, down.

He’s so fucking big, you’re not able to take him fully down your throat… yet. You’re gonna need a moment to break open your mouth enough to fit him.

He continues with his praises. The sweet filth that fills your ears urging you to be a good girl and to suck his cock like your life depends on it.

Because it does. All you want to do is lose yourself in him, to become nothing more than just Javier’s plaything.

Tears pool at your tear ducts from the messy head you’re giving but it doesn’t deter you. You just blink them away and take him further down your throat.

You splutter and gag as he presses against your uvula, causing him to inadvertently bring his hand down to the back of your head, fisting your hair.

You wince but the pain feels delicious on your scalp. You pull away and his saliva coated cock falls from your swollen lips with a trail of spit connecting you two.

“I want you to fuck my face, Javier. Can you do that for me?”

You bat your lashes, biting on your lower lip as you look up at him.

Your back is arched sexily, giving him a good view of your ass behind you as you remain on your knees in between his legs.

“Si, gatita, whatever you want.”

He gathers your hair into a makeshift ponytail, guiding you back to his cock.

He slips back into your mouth easily, his hips bucking upward to fully bury himself down your throat.

You breathe through your nose as he begins to set the pace, much harsher and faster than what you’ve been doing on your own.

The filthy sounds of his groans mixed with your gagging and squelching of your mouth fill the room and it’s like music to your ears.

You fucking love this. Love the way he’s fucking your throat and using it to get himself off.

His other hand falls down to tenderly caress your cheek, cupping your jaw and that sets off an explosion of fireworks against your needy pussy, moving your hips against nothing. The simple act is enough to get you closer to your own orgasm.

Your fingernails dig into his meaty thighs when he manages to fully situate himself into your mouth, the tip of your nose brushing against his coarse pubic hairs.

He keeps you there, depriving you of oxygen and your jaw aches with how it’s been widely unhinged for the past however long.

You don’t care about your pain, you only care about tasting his cum when he finally releases inside of you.

“I’m so close baby, god damn it I could die in this pretty little mouth. Such a filthy whore, breaking into my apartment just so you can suck my cock.”

You whimper, the sound vibrating around his shaft and you bring one of your hands down beneath your skirt and panties, rubbing tight circles against your engorged clit.

He goes back to thrusting in and out of your throat while you pleasure yourself; both of you teetering on the precipice of your respective orgasms.

The hold on the back of your head tightens as his climax begins to peak, and the tension of it is enough to send you over the edge first.

You splutter and groan all over his cock while you cum, your release coating your fingers and dripping down your folds and onto your inner thighs.

“Fuck I’m about to come. You better swallow every fucking drop gatita. Isn’t that what you came here for? Ah-shit, to milk my cock like the perverted bitch that you are?”

If you hadn’t come already, you would be now with his abrasive words and rougher thrusts of his hips.

“I bet, fuuuck, bet that pussy tastes so fucking sweet and feels as heavenly as this mouth. Ay gatita sucia, you gonna let me destroy your tight little cunt or are you going to leave me with just a taste of your boquita?”

You want to respond, to tell him that you want nothing more than to have his cock split you open, to render you a mess that can’t walk for days after getting fucked hard by him.

His thrusts stagger and he comes with a primitive growl, his hot seed spilling into your mouth and down your throat.

You moan at the feeling and he holds you flush against his pelvis while he empties his balls into you.

When he’s finally drained, you tentatively let him fall from your mouth with a lewd pop, some of his spend still resting on your tongue.

You climb up his body again, noticing the bead of sweat dripping from the tip of his brow and down his chiseled cheek. His lips are swollen, much like yours, from chewing on it due to the intensity of your ministrations.

His dark eyes are swimming with lust and adoration, shallow breaths exhaling from his nostrils.

You open your mouth wide, sticking your tongue out so he can see his milky cum against the pink muscle before you retract it and swallow exaggeratedly, smirking as you bring the back of your hand up to wipe the saliva and other fluids that coat the bottom half of your face.

“Thank you for keeping us safe from the narcos, agent.” You whisper, reaching for your gloves to slip them back on.

He watches intently before he raises the hand that had just cupped your cheek affectionately to the edge of your mask, beginning to lift it up to expose your identity.

“¿Quien eres, gatita?”

You stop him by grasping his wrist harshly, shaking your head.

“Un secreto,” you whisper back, close enough to where your lips are softly brushing against each other.

Moving his hand away from your face, your eyes gaze into his one final time before you lean in to press a sweet kiss against his lips. 

It’s everything you dreamed of and more, the feeling of his mouth slotting against yours in the most passionate kiss you’ve ever shared with anyone.

You pull back before things get heated again, your mission now complete until the next time.

“I’m going to leave now,” you begin in a hushed tone, “and you’re going to stay right here. You’re not going to follow me out or stop me. Are we clear?”

Another tilt of your head and you can see the resistance in his stare, how badly he wants to keep you here like a pet. His kitten.

But he nods ever so slightly.

“Will I see you again?”

Yes, but you don’t reveal this to him so easily.

“Only if you do something worth warranting a visit.”

With that, you rise from his lap, your long legs on either side of his waist as you look down upon this man you just wrecked without giving him your name or letting him get a good look at your face.

His eyes trail over you, trying to etch the image of you in his mind for the lonely days that are about to come.

He won’t forget you, that’s for sure. You’re about to infiltrate his mind in the same manner in which he infiltrated yours.

The soft click of your heels can be heard as you depart from his bedroom, leaving him with his soft cock out and pants down his legs.

Before closing the bedroom door behind you, you stop and look at him over your shoulder.

“Goodnight agent.”

The minutes tick by agonizingly slow before he scrambles to get up, grunting at the subtle pain in his back as he tucks himself back into his pants and picks his gun up to place on the dresser.

He follows your wet trail down the hallway and to the glass door of his balcony that you purposefully left cracked; an answer to his earlier question.

“How the hell did you get in here?”

He smirks when he sees the heart shape you’ve left against the surface. 

[moonrisecoeur]

adoration — leon kennedy

author’s note: this is absolutely disgustingly horrifically soft. not my usual content but i hope you like it! also to anyone who doesn’t follow me i don’t usually write sub!reader so please don’t request it!

wc: 2.3k

content: leon x reader, fem!reader, not really sub or dom tho i guess it leans more towards dom!leon but it’s super soft, so many pet names, lots of praise, lots of compliments, possessiveness, leon’s down bad but we already knew that, work stress, a little bit of reader being insecure about her looks, riding, unwrapped p in v sex, boyfie leon !!

—

“there you are,” his voice is gentle just like him. he smiles as he embraces you in a sweet hug, wondering why the universe was so cruel as to pull you away from him for so long every single day. he wishes he could stay right next you, arms wrapped around you, head resting against yours, never letting you go.

he’s only a little possessive, in a cute way rather than a unnerving way. he just likes being with you too much to ever be content when you’re not around.

the best part, in his opinion, is how you hold him back. arms around his waist, mumbling to yourself more so than leon about how much you miss his hugs, “awh, it’s okay, honey. know you missed me,” he teases, and it’s so blatant that out of the two of you, he’s the one who’s down bad, absolutely gone. he’s lucky that you’re not super greedy because he would give you anything you asked for.

your face nuzzled into the crook of his neck is more than enough to make him adore you for the rest of eternity. he reaches a hand up to your face, and watching your head tilt up to sweetly meet his gaze has to be the most deadly thing you’ve ever done. he feels physically giddy as you look at him curiously, wondering if he has someone to say as his fingers caress your cheek and jawline. soft skin beneath his rough fingers. he adores you. endlessly.

“so pretty…” he mumbles, sweet nothings murmuring their way past his lips as his hands cup your cheeks so he can hold you and look at you head on, blue eyes taking in every feature on your sweet face. he can’t help but love it all. he loves your face, he would stare at you for hours if you wouldn’t think it’s weird. he breathes in, inhaling your scent, so recognizable it’s comforting, “my pretty girl, mine all mine.”

you sigh comfortably, melting into him and his touch. it’s alright; he’s got you. he always does.

he leans to press a kiss to your forehead, “all mine..” he whispers again, like he’s reassuring himself, “want you all to myself. hate it when you’re gone.”

you giggle, a little bit breathless. he can tell his own effect on you and it strokes his ego wildly. he knows you secretly love his more possessive side, enjoying that he can’t even be bothered to look at another woman without being reminded about how much he loves and adores you. you’re his baby! he couldn’t ever want someone else!

“can i have you all to myself?” he asks, lips trailing down to your ear.

“mhm,” you hum, nodding your head cutely, and he can’t help the way he absolutely crumbles. god he’s really losing it, you’re absolutely everything to him. you’re too precious for him to ever let go.

“i love you,” he whispers as he kiss your jaw, your face still cradled in his hands like you’re too fragile for him to ever let you go.

“i love you too,” you whisper back. that’s all he’d ever need from you: your love. he could want a million things, but this moment tells him the truth. he’s yours. completely, and helplessly yours.

one hand still steady on holding your face, smiling as you lean more into his touch, his other hand dips back down, over your waist and hips and between your thighs in a way that aches so pleasantly. it’s impossible to tell when exactly you got so wet from this completely normal interaction but he notices too and he’s already too confident. it’ll go to his head at this point. oh well. you’d get back at him another time to bring him back down to earth.

“oh, pretty girl, i can tell my words are affecting you…” he says softly. he says it like it’s a question but he already knows the answer, “but…. if you need something, you can tell me.”

his voice is the only thing you can sensibly hear right now, everything else drowned out with his strong arms holding you close. the way you pout makes his heart race because god you are so adorable that it kills him.

“baby, if you need me to do something, you gotta let me know. i’m not a mind reader,” his voice, thick and syrupy, seeps into your skin and drives you mad with a need to be his. in all ways humanly possible.

and for him to be yours too. you know that this is all an act, that every moment so far in this interaction has been real but with an undertone that you both can easily sense. you control leon in all the ways that matter. you mold him into exactly what you want, and he contorts himself willingly because he wants to be everything you want and need in a man. he’s yours just as much, if not infinitely more, as you’re his.

“can you praise me..?” you whisper, soft and timid. even if you’re not normally the shy type, it all seems to come crumbling down when leon holds you close.

“that’s my girl,” he smiles. sure, he could tease you more, especially with how nonspecific your request was. but you’re desperate and he’s too soft on you to make you wait any longer, “pretty and sweet and all mine.”

even as you huff, muttering something trying to push back against his words. i’m not actually that pretty, or something like that, leon’s shaking his head, in disbelief that a being as ethereal as his lover could ever, even for a moment, believe themselves to be unattractive.

but this isn’t the moment. he can tell you don’t want a lecture on self love or positive self talk right now. it wouldn’t do any good to tell you that he thinks you’re beautiful if you wouldn’t believe it, so he just does as you ask like the obedient boyfriend he is. he’ll tackle that beast another time.

“my pretty girl, my good girl…” he whispers, hands cradling your head against his chest, fingers tendering brushing against your skin as you close your eyes and just let leon speak to you. he’s never been good with words until he fell in love with you, “so proud of you, sweetheart. you worked so hard, even with everything you got going on. my baby’s so strong, isn’t she?”

you nod even as he holds you, maybe just a little too emotional to respond any other way.

“but you don’t always gotta be strong, you can let your walls down when it’s just me, baby. i promise i’ll take care of you,” he whispers, lips pressed against your forehead again. and once he thinks he’s buttered you up enough, he mumbles something like, “tell me what’s bugging you, princess.”

“i… i don’t wanna go to work anymore…” you mumble against his shirt, and he’s looking at you like you’re the cutest thing in the world, “i hate working. just wanna be with you.”

he laughs heartily, and you can feel the vibrations against his chest. his presence just entices comfort, one of his hands resting atop your head, “i know, baby. i wanna be with you always too,” he says.

“it’s not fair..”

he pouts when you pout, the world just had to be so unfair, “i know it’s not. if it were up to me, you’d never work a day in your life, but… you know, unfortunately i’m not that rich.”

you chuckle, and he’s relieved he at least got that out of you.

he can’t help getting distracted, “god you’re so fucking pretty,” he mumbles, hands dropping down to your waist, holding you close like he’s preparing to never let go, “so beautiful, baby. and you’re so perfect,” he tilts his head to look at you, making dangerous eye contact again, face just inches apart, “you’re so… lovely. i could stay here with you forever.”

you smile softly and it lights up the room and his entire life. you hold him close like you never want to let him go, and he feels pretty little butterflies in his stomach.

he leans in to kiss you, finally, and one arm stays wrapped possessively around your waist, as if to steal you away from the rest of the world, and one hand reaches back up to cup your cheek. he kisses you sweetly, not too rough or aggressive, just enough to make you want to drown in his touch, his scent, his presence.

“leon..!” you gasp between kisses, and he’s never liked his name as much as he likes it when your lips say it.

he pulls away to search for any hint that you need him to stop, that your breathless whisper of his name was a plea for escape, and he doesn’t seem to find any. his eyes trail down to your lips again, as if taunted by them, “what do you need, baby?”

“you,” you whisper, your lips finding his neck, kissing him softly. he’s not sure when you exactly decided you would try to kill him but the way your lips feel against him is lethal in its own way.

“yeah? my baby need me?”

“mhm,” you smile, he feels it against his skin, “your pretty girl needs to feel as pretty as you think she is.”

and something pulls at leon’s heart at that little statement. it’s not sad or pitiful, nor is it said with a sad tone, but he wonders what it means to you. do you believe him when he calls you that? god, you have to, he’s too obsessed with you for it to even be questionable if he thinks you’re pretty.

he practically drags you to bed, sits down on the edge and pulls you onto his lap, fingers immediately between your legs, feeling that familiar wetness that he loves, pressing down on your clit with his thumb.

“good girl, just like that… grind on my hand, let yourself feel good,” he murmurs, “this is about you, so be selfish, baby. take what you want from me.”

he likes how needy you get because maybe, just maybe, that means you need him just as badly as he needs you. it soothes him, in a way.

“i’ll fill you up nice and full later, but for now… just sit here with me… just let me touch you, pretty, i’ll make you feel good.”

and you just curl up into him, holding onto his shoulder for support as takes every whine and moan and absolutely devours them. his fingers have gotten rougher over the years, but that roughness feels good when he’s rubbing figure eights on your clit, fingers moving in circular motions inside your pretty pussy, bringing you to closer orgasm sooner than you thought. he’s just that good.

“there you go, princess. just feel it all. just close your eyes… and feel me against you,” he whispers, “you’re so cute when you’re feeling good. well, you’re always cute, but you know what i mean.”

“leon…” your whiny voice is met with a chuckle from him.

“hm?”

“i’m gonna cum…” you mumble, resting your head in the crook of his neck again, must be your favorite spot.

he likes that you don’t ask permission because why would you? he’d never deny you, not pleasure nor anything else you want in life. no, you say it like a warning, like a don’t you dare stop kind of warning. he wouldn’t dare.

“c’mon, pretty. let yourself have it,” he mumbles, lips almost touching your ear, that’s how close they are.

leon’s selfish, he can’t help it. he makes you orgasm because he wants to give you pleasure, sure, but he’s also doing it because he loves watching you cum. not so much right now, with your head buried away, but he likes seeing your orgasm face, he likes that you shut your eyes tightly and your eyebrows furrow and your mouth hangs open just slightly. you’re so pretty when you cum.

if he’s being honest, he should have made you look at him when you came, but he knows you were feeling a little shy today so he didn’t push.

and the feeling of your cunt clenching on his fingers turns him on beyond belief. he feels the pressure of the orgasm, and he knows it’s a big one, so of course he helps you through it, fucking his fingers as deep as possible, loving the achy moans that escape your throat. you’re not super loud but you’re also right by his ear so he hears every gasp and moan and whimper as you cum for him. he adores you so painfully.

“there you go, good girl…” he whispers, cradling you close as you both fall back against the bed, holding each other as the wetness on his hand starts to dry but your body still pulses with a reminder of how much pleasure just flooded through you.

it’s almost too paralyzing to speak, and you make pretty little sounds as you shift to get comfortable that make leon’s heart jump. he holds your waist as you lay half on top of him.

he looks at your face, radiant with a comfortable glow you’ve been missing this whole time. in his arms, in your shared bed, it’s safe and soft and leon holds you close with no intentions of letting go.

“should we…” he starts, and you lift your head slightly to look at him as he speaks, “cancel our dinner reservations? order in, we’ll get whatever my sweet lover wants, and we can just stay in bed all night?”

you can’t help but giggle, “yeah. i wanna keep kissing you for at least another hour.”

“yes, ma’am.”

[normspellsman]

I Trusted You

part one | part two

pairing: neteyam x fem!omatikaya!reader

genre: angstish, arguing (lo’ak & neteyam), fluffish, siblings fighting, & comfort

word count: 2.3k+

warning(s): lo’ak + neteyam arguing, neteyam being absolutely livid, cursing, jake having to break up neteyam + lo’ak, mentions of injury + death + blood, lo’ak + neteyam physically fighting, nete blaming lo’ak for you getting hurt, mentions of nearly crying, slight foreshadowing to the events of atwow, & kissing

taglist: @dearstell @aonungsmate @lvlyynim @optimisticblazetrash @thatonegirlwiththebeanie367 @universal-s1ut @minkyungseokie @arianapjs @wwwellacom @goodiesinthecloset21 @liyahsocorro @amortencjja @chshshhshshshshshshs

word bank: skxawng — idiot; moron, irayo — thanks; thank you, tsmuke — sister, yawntutsyip — darling; little one, tiyawn — love, & nga yawne lu oer — i love you

note: literally spent all day thinking about this fic & just had to write it, hope you enjoy! <3 also, tysm for 1k+ notes on the first part. like that’s totally insane. i love you all mwahhh 💋💋

Neteyam was pissed. Very, very pissed.

He gave his brother one job and he couldn’t even succeed in executing it. Lo’ak was apparently too fucking incompentent to do the one thing he asked of him. Stupid fucking skxawng, he thought to himself, shaking his head in disappointment.

Anxiety riddled Neteyam’s body as he stood outside of the Tsahìk’s tent waiting for his Grandmother to finish patching you up. All he wanted was to have you in his arms and hold you but his Grandmother deemed his clinginess a distraction and promptly kicked him out of the tent so she could work and properly focus without him practically breathing down her neck. He began to pace up and down the side of the tent in anxiety, chewing at his fingernails.

Neteyam knew that putting all the blame on his younger brother wasn’t something he should be doing, but he found himself doing it anyway.

Nothing good ever comes out of Lo’ak’s plans or adventures. Someone within his group always ends up hurt which results in Neteyam having to save his ass more times than he could remember to count. He didn’t mind it much then, you weren’t really in the picture then nor did you ever accompany Lo’ak on his explorations. But once you wiggled your way into the eldest Sully’s life and ultimately stole his heart in the process, you frequented Lo’ak’s trips more and more. If Na’vi could develop grey hairs, Neteyam would have a head full of them. Poor boys heart stopped every time he learned that you joined Lo’ak and company to wherever. He was always stressed about your safety.

“Is she okay?” A voice asked, concern laced within their tone.

Neteyam’s tail swished in agitation at the voice. Lo’ak, he internally seethed.

“No, she’s not. No thanks to you,” he growled out, pacing ceasing.

Lo’ak knew he fucked up. He knew he shouldn’t have let Tuktirey convince you to join them on their excursion. He knew he should’ve done more to protect you from the threats of Quaritch and his knife.

“I didn’t know this was going to happen, Neteyam,” Lo’ak replied, ears pinned back as he watched his brother shoot a deadly glare at him, “I didn’t even ask her to go in the first place. Tuk did.”.

Neteyam scoffed at his brother's answer. How dare he blame Tuk for this. He was the elder brother in the moment, he should’ve acted like it.

“Don’t bring Tuk into this. You know damn well that (Y/N) can’t say no to her. You should’ve stopped her from going either way,” he retorted, finger digging into Lo’ak’s chest as he repeatedly poked it into his skin as he spoke. “You knew the promise you made to me and yet you failed to protect her,” he added.

“You don’t think I know that?” Lo’ak hissed out, pushing Neteyam’s finger away from his chest, “You don’t think I’m beating myself up for it? That I don’t feel bad? I feel awful.”.

“I know that I’m the fucked up failure of the family but that doesn’t mean you can blame me for everything,” he added, tail copying his brothers previous movements in anger, “(Y/N) has a free will of her own and decided to come on her own terms. None of us knew what was going to happen tonight. It is Quaritch and his soldiers fault for what they did. They caused it and we just so happened to be in the crossfire.”.

Neteyam shook his head angrily at Lo’ak, braids harshly swaying at the movement. Everything seemed to have gotten hotter. All Neteyam could feel was hot anger. He was so angry that he saw only red.

“She wouldn’t have gotten hurt if you weren’t at the abandoned shack, Lo’ak. You were there and they took advantage of that, holding all of you hostage for just being there,” he argued back.

Neteyam knew that Quaritch was to blame for all of this but if Lo’ak wasn’t there in the first place, none of this would’ve occurred tonight. He led everyone to the one place they weren’t supposed to go. A place their Father had established was off limits. Lo’ak never thought about others whenever he went to chase a thrill, always paying for the consequences after the fact.

“You don’t think, Lo’ak. You never do! You don’t think of the consequences of your actions,” Neteyam added, hands lifting up by his sides as he gestured towards the boy in front of him.

A part of his statement was true. Lo’ak tended to act before he was able to think. But even then, he felt as if it wasn’t fair for all the blame to be put onto his shoulders. Lo’ak did reckless shit all the time and his actions rarely severely impacted others the way it did tonight. Tonight was out of his control. The ball was no longer in his hands when a soldier took a hold of Tuk, the ball being snatched out from his fingers and into the grips of Quaritch.

A hiss crawled its way out of Lo’ak’s throat, pushing back his brother with enough force to send him stumbling back. He was tired of Neteyam harassing him for something he had no control over.

The elder hissed back, lunging at his brother and tackling him to the ground. Punches and slaps were thrown as the two brothers rolled on the ground. Insults were shouted out into the air at each other causing heads to turn and peak out in curiosity.

“Enough!” A loud voice boomed, grabbing the shoulders of Neteyam and yanking him off of Lo’ak, pushing him backwards and further from his brother. “Get your crap together you two! There is no means for you to fight!” Jake shouted, pulling his other son to his feet.

Both boys' ears were pinned back against their heads and tails fell limp between their legs. Anger had overtaken both of their senses and caused their minds to become overwhelmed with the emotion, taking it out on each other.

“Both of you go to your respective tents, now!” Jake shouted once again, not leaving room for objections.

Neteyam didn’t want to leave you alone in his Grandmother's tent. He wanted to hold you as Mo’at patched you up and slowly began to heal the wounds on your thigh. But he knew that after the fight he just caused, he needed time to cool down and collect his thoughts. Plus, you most likely heard the entire argument and didn’t want to see him after he spat such harsh words towards Lo’ak, who only tried his best to protect you and his loved ones.

Both brothers walked to their tents in silence, heads bowed in shame as others looked at them as they walked by.

Nothing good came out of this night and all Neteyam wanted to do was have you in his arms as he covered every inch of you in gentle kisses to ease his mind.

———

Kiri had assisted you towards your shared tent with Neteyam. She allowed you to put all your weight on her as she wrapped your arm around her shoulder and walked you to your home. The poor girl was still shaken over what happened hours prior, still trying to process your stabbing and the kidnapping of Spider. She most definitely was going to cry herself to sleep tonight, that’s if she managed to fall asleep.

“You sure you’re alright?” Kiri softly asked, settling the both of you in front of the opening of your home. She removed your arm from her shoulder and held you steady by placing her hands on either side of your arms.

You nodded in response, smiling at her as you did so.

“Irayo, tsmuke,” you replied, placing one of your hands on her forearms, a look of understanding etched onto your face as you two stood there in slight silence.

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” she responded back, placing her forehead on yours before pulling back and making the trek back to her family’s tent.

You slowly and gently shifted towards the covering of the opening of your tent, pulling it back as you made your way inside as slowly as you could so as not to cause anymore pain or aches to settle itself in your fresh wounds.

Neteyam and you had gotten your own tent after the official announcement of your relationship to the clan a few months back. Your parents weren’t too keen on the idea but eventually gave in once the frequent attacks of the sky people occurred, wanting the two of you to spend as much time together in case either of you were to fall victim to the bullets of the humans.

It was nice having your own place. It gave the both of you a lot more freedom as mates as well as allow you to explore your creative side when it came to decorating your home.

“Yawntutsyip?” Neteyam called out, upper half peeking out from behind one of the other rooms your tent held.

The teen's eyes lightened up upon settling on your figure, fully coming out from behind the wall and making his way towards you, bringing you into his embrace gently so as to not hurt you. He nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, deeply inhaling your scent to calm down his anxiety.

“Are you okay? Was Grandmother gentle? Did she patch you up all right?” He hurriedly asked, eyes trailing to your bandaged thigh, refraining himself from reaching out and touching it.

You softly giggled at his frantic voice, softly kissing his lips to silence him. “I am alright, Teyam,” you responded, brushing your nose up against your lovers as he relaxed in your hold.

Neteyam sighed in slight relief, nuzzling his face into the side of your cheek and then back down to your neck. He pulled you tighter into his arms as he lowly and gently purred at the fact that you were now in his embrace in one piece.

“Mo’at said to take it easy for the next couple of days,” you added, pecking your mates cheek as you gently coaxed him out from your neck.

He only hummed in acknowledgment, gazing into your eyes as he brought one hand up to your jaw, caressing it with the side of his thumb. He’ll make sure that you barely move a finger your entire healing journey, him being the one to wait on hand and foot for you. You’ll be taken care of whenever he’s around.

“I heard what you and Lo’ak were talking about earlier,” you mumbled out, eyes darting to the side briefly before returning to Neteyam’s slightly larger orbs.

He only closed his eyes as a reply to your statement, guilt eating away at his conscience. He felt terrible for fighting with his brother in front of the tent you were in and that you had to hear everything. He didn’t want you to hear the colorful words he spat at Lo’ak in his moment of anger. He didn’t want you to see or hear him like that.

“I don’t blame him, Nete. He tried his best to protect me from…Quaritch,” you continued, rubbing your hands on his shoulders in comfort, “Yes, perhaps he should’ve stopped me from going but I chose to go in the end. None of us knew what was going to happen. There was nothing we could’ve done, that Lo’ak could’ve done in the moment.”.

Neteyam knew that your words were true. Lo’ak was only still a child and was put into a life or death situation. Held hostage by someone who wouldn’t hesitate to kill them if they made the wrong move. He couldn’t imagine the type of stress his brother, especially you, went through. It was something that most likely would affect all of you for days to come.

“I know, I know, my love. It’s just,” he begins, throat constricting as he tried not to cry in front of you, “I was so scared to lose you. My anger got the best of me and the only one I could blame was Lo’ak in the moment. It doesn’t excuse the things I said and did, but I was so overtaken by you nearly dying that all common thinking flew out the window.”.

“I only want to protect you, tiyawn,” he finished, placing a gentle kiss onto your forehead before placing his own against yours.

You understood where Neteyam was coming from. Hell, you’d probably do the same if you were in his shoes. Anger was something that many didn’t have complete control over, succumbing to its power in the end. Neteyam had been a victim of its power this night and deeply regretted it with all his heart. He caused more pain to his brother. More pain than he had gone through within the last few hours.

He knew Lo’ak deeply cared for you. That he was merely just checking in to see if you were okay. But Neteyam had snapped at him and released all his frustrations and anxiety onto him as a result.

“I know, ma Neteyamur,” you replied, gently smiling at him.

You knew that whatever Neteyam did was only ever out of love and that was one of the main things that made you fall for him in the first place. He deeply cared for those he loved and would do anything for them. You just hoped that it wouldn’t be the cause of his downfall.

“Nga yawne lu oer,” Neteyam softly whispered against your lips, not giving you time to repeat the sentiment back as he smashed his lips into yours.

He’d do anything for you. He was yours and you were his. He’d fight fiercely for the connection and love you two shared. It was neither of your time yet. He’d make sure of it.

[n0tamused]

Hello there! I hope you’re doing good in terms of exams and remember to take breaks in between studying!!

I have a request but please feel free to leave it or skip over this one if you’re not up for it!

I was wondering if you could write how Jiyan and Aalto (separately) would react to soldier!reader who’s known to be always comforting others + helping people but in this situation finds the reader hidden somewhere and having a breakdown due to mental and physical exhaustion (but struggles to ask for help)?

A/N: Thank you anon, I try to keep that in mind at all times <3 And I hope you enjoy this!

Contents: angst to comfort fluff, panic attack, gn reader, not proof read

Jiyan:

Days have passed and what felt like years have built up in a tight ball that lodged itself in your throat, preventing the dusty, but much needed, air to fill your lungs. It has been days since it had begun to build up, but with hopes for a better tomorrow you swept it under the rug, letting it fester and multiply to each corner of your being until it had you shackled down onto the floor in this pitiful corner of ruins. The camp wasn’t too far off, you think through broken words flashing through your head, if they need me I’ll be able to hear them. Tears bubbled up to your eyes, stinging and burning. 

It’s been so long since you saw the city, smelled the flowers and felt the touch of your beloved, and nothing in the world could help you escape this feeling of the earth shattering under the soles of your feet. Your vision was blurry, mind spinning and lungs burning and burning. Rationale has long since left you, and you crumbled further, foolishly thinking of insignificant mistakes of your past.

Out of nowhere, a hand sprung up from the blurriness of the world, muddy waters of reflection caching color of teal and yellow and black as the hand grabs your shoulder. Fear engulfs you as you see General Jiyan standing in front of you, although your tears nearly blind you - you could never mistake the signature look of him. You could recognize him blind and deaf.

“J-Jiyan-” you choke, hiding your face away as ragged breaths wreck your body, the body that refused to stand up to greet him. You had no strength, no will. Your ears catch some muddled words and from the corner of your eyes you can see his mouth moving as he spoke, but none of them reach you. It’s hard. So hard to breathe and you’re shaking your head, wanting to ask for help but refusing to do so yet needing to be held.

This dilemma is written all over your face, your shaky fingers and Jiyan goes quiet, realizing the futility of questioning you, and instead he takes the matters in his own hands and sits beside you. His back pressed against the old, cold wall behind the two of you and one of his muscular arms finds its way around your shoulders, bringing you closer into him. Your body can’t resist, even if you wanted to, and it bends to his will, your arms reaching around him in some childish chase of comfort. If your mind was any more calm you would have felt embarrassed, ashamed.

Jiyan stays quiet for a while longer, simply holding you and lending you his company for as much as possible, hoping he or you aren’t called up. Just for a while longer, he says to himself. His hand rubbing up and down your back. As you slowly catch your breath and collect yourself he begins to speak, tone gentle and so full of warmth, he doesn’t want to let you go until you can stand on your own once more, and even then he’d be there to help you walk.

“Deep breaths, (Y/N)... It’s all right now, there’s no danger around us.. you’re safe..”

“You’ve been doing so much for others, yet you neglected yourself for even longer than that. You mustn’t do that…”

“I’m here to support you however I can, for now we can sit here for some time longer, until you’re sure you want to head out”

“Don’t rush yourself, and no need to be embarrassed. I find myself feeling the same as some times, but it is the thought of you that gets me through it all.. You’re human just like the rest of us. I’m here for you.."

Aalto:

What was supposed to be a simple run-in-and-out became much more complicated, the mission stretching on into the night and into the early mornings when the first lights pierced the belly of the sky. Your heart was ringing between your ears, drumming a haunting song that would have you exhausted for days to come. Had it been you alone, you would have considered turning back - no mission was worth losing your life over. But there were team members involved, all of them so close to you. How could you let them go alone, let them get hurt?

It doesn’t matter now. The mission was successful, yet you were still stuck in the memories from so many months ago? Get a hold of yourself - breathe.

Breathe.

I can’t - the little voice squeaks at the back of your head, full of tears and desperation as you walk home from duty. Your legs are barely carrying you up the steps that feel like a serpents winding body, one misstep and you’ll find yourself falling into its mouth. With a fuzzy mind you fight your way to the front door and fall in with stuttering steps, an invisible hand coming to grab you by the throat and choke you until you’re crumbling on the floor. The front door was left ajar for anyone to help themselves too, but that fact escaped you as you found yourself pressing into the foot of your couch, curled up and crying from exhaustion and the aching in your bones. All you can think of is how much more you could have done for them, how much you could’ve done for the mission. 

“(Y/N)? Hey-!” A voice calls from the void, scolding you, sharp and quick but echoing. It calls for you over and over again, and it is not until your body is being turned onto its back that you realize you’re not alone. “Are you alright? Hey, talk to me” The voice finally clears up. It’s not angry or annoyed, but so worried unlike your mind had made you believe. It’s not the voice of the captain but.. Aalto. 

Your eyes blink at him in quick successions, trying to rid themselves of tears while feeling more come up. His gloved hand is supporting the back of your head, the other one feeling your other arm up and down in attempts to comfort you. “Breathe.. breathe.. Come on, up to me, now” he says, gently pulling you up and despite his best attempts to make his tone more lighthearted, he fails miserably. Concern is evident, but he has way more reins on it.

He positions your forehead to rest against his shoulder, tugging your body closer until you are practically in his lap, his arms wrapped around you. “Breathe with me, come on.. in…..and out..” He coaches softly, rubbing your back and then carding his fingers through your hair, and as he feels you shift he lessens his hold - allowing you to slot yourself against him and wrap your arms around him in return. Slowly, Aalto begins to rock you back and forth, his tongue betraying him in this dire situation, so he hopes his presence is enough. After a while he tries to playfully scold you for this behavior, saying how you nearly had his heart stop when he saw you on the floor, but the undertones speak volumes of how seriously this affected him too.

“No, no, you’re not going anywhere yet. You need to take a breather - like I’ve been telling you to do so for months”

“Here, let me help you up. The couch is way more comfortable than the ground.. yeah- that’s it, good job, champ. You’re my champ, y’know?”

“How about I whip us something to drink, hm? You got nothing to worry about, I’ll have it all handled and ready before you can even think about it”

“Do you want to talk about it..? I know it all happened some time ago, but it is clearly holding you down. So tell me what’s on your mind, I’m all ears. You know I can help, in one way or another- but I need to..”

Ⓒ n0tamused. Do not repost, translate, edit, and/or copy any of my works. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated.

[manestjerne]

I'll do that again for you

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader

Summary: Bucky pushes you away again and you let him this time.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: angst, swearing, comfort, a little fluff, doubts, angry behavior, mentions of physical abuse and injuries, crying. Let me know if I forgot something.

A/N: I'm not sure about this one, but it's been on my mind for so long I had to finally sit down and write it all down. Hope you enjoy it guys <3

I walked into Bucky’s apartment and tossed my keys on the dining table before opening the fridge and getting myself a bottle of water. I looked around slowly and walked to the pile of bedsheets on the floor. I picked them up before sitting down on the couch. The quiet sound of shower in the other room seemed to wash all my worries away, but I knew they will come back the moment I see him. His deep blue, tired eyes full of regret and and guilt, his usually steady hands shaking whenever we were alone. All the things no one else besides me was allowed to see. Things that only I could perceive in a conference room full of people. Things I couldn’t do anything about. He was more devastated than ever, when Steve started talking about leaving him. Leaving us, but Bucky couldn’t wrap his head around that, believing I have already found my peace in other people. As compassionate as he was, he never saw how lonely I was since I was trying to get him his life back. But I never blamed him. 

The peaceful sound of water flowing got quiet unexpectedly, making me snap back to reality. I heard quiet footsteps getting closer and my heart started pounding in my chest. 

„Hey sweets, you’re here early.” 

He said calmly, sitting on the couch next to me. I only replied with a smile, realizing he looks worse than usually. He wasn’t surprised I was here, I always were on friday mornings. We talked about his last therapy session before going to the compound together, it was our routine. The thing that kept us both on tracks, helping to get a steady rhythm in our messed up lives, something to stick with for once. But today my thoughts were focused on something else, I didn’t care about the therapy, knowing he might finally found something better to help him get his life together. 

„How was your date yesterday?”

„It was awful and I don’t want to talk about it.” 

His reply was dry and harsh. He didn’t do that often while talking to me. He had a soft spot there, always treating me gently and respectful, but I knew this moment would come, sooner or later. I knew the perfect bubble of our strange relationship would finally burst, because he couldn’t handle it. I knew it would change for him, but never for me, I felt the same way since I met him, when he squeezed my throat so hard that I passed out and had to look at the bruises covering my body for the next two weeks, whenever I passed a mirror. But even as the Winter Soldier, his eyes were the same, that’s why I chose to help Steve get him back. That’s why I had the worst possible fight with Tony, when he told me I can’t just pick up assassins from the streets and adopt them like stray cats. He never said that about Wanda, he never called Nat an assassin, but he never hesitated when it came to Bucky. Thinking about that sent shivers down my spine, remembering how much I had to give up to bring things back to normal, to help them understand, that the Winter Soldier is not the person standing in front of them.

„So I chose a wrong person again?” 

I asked with a weak smile. It wasn’t the first date he didn’t enjoy, but he never blamed me for that.

„You chose the wrong thing for me, I don’t get why do you want me to find a fucking love of my life by setting me up on hookups I don’t want to attend.”

His voice started to sound unsettling, I shifted in my seat and straightened my back, looking at him carefully. He tried to do that earlier, to push me away by scaring me, but I never let him. I knew he would never hurt me, too focused on protecting me at all costs, like his life depended on it.

„Don’t be such a dick and stop blaming me for your poor love life, I’m just trying to help you get back to reality.”

I was surprised by my own words, I never spoke to him that way, no matter how he treated me. I felt a wave of frustration flushing through my veins, making me feel like my blood is boiling. I looked at his hands, his metal fingers clenching in a fist, the flesh hand rubbing on the soft fabric of his jeans, but I knew how much they were trembling at this moment and how much he was fighting himself not to break the character he was trying to play. 

„I never asked for it.”

His jaw clenched and I felt a sting in my chest at his words. No matter how grateful he was for me being there, he would never admit it, he would never say how much he needed and appreciated all I ever did for him. 

„Do you want me to leave?” 

I decided to make it easier for him, knowing he would struggle with saying it out loud. He never wanted me to leave his side, but he thought it was the right thing, and I couldn’t fight it anymore.

„I don’t want you to play a babysitter anymore, seeing one shrink at a time is enough.” 

He huffed and rolled his eyes, almost making me believe his words and for the first time I felt some kind of doubt. My safe place by his side was slowly fading away as he kept looking at me with something what felt like blame in his eyes. I shrinked into my seat trying to find any words, but every time I opened my mouth the room was filled with nothing but silence. 

„Do you want me to leave?” 

I repeated myself quietly, not able to find any other words suitable for what I was feeling at the moment.

„Are you even fucking listening?”

He wasn’t angry, but frustrated. I didn’t flinch at his voice, but I could feel the tears filling up my eyes slowly. I got up and picked my keys up from the table. After a few short breaths I found the courage to face him again.

„That’s what I do all the time, James. I listen. I wish you could do that for once.”

With my last word I turned away and walked to the door. He never tried to stop me, he didn’t say anything before I left. I held my tears back for as long as I could, letting go at the moment I sat in my car. I doubted all I did for him at the moment, knowing that one of us wasn’t ready for what we were doing, but I couldn’t realize who was the problem.

-----

„It’s been a week since you stopped attending the meetings. If Tony was mad earlier, you don’t want to know what Steve said today.”

Nat entered my room without knocking as always. She brought me a piece of Wanda’s cake, but I pushed the plate away, still refusing to eat whenever I wasn’t starving.

„I really just don’t want to see him, I’m not ready for that.”

She sat on the bed next to me, looking at me closely and sinking every word I said. It was the first time I said anything about what happened that day and she was willing to listen carefully to every word I say, analyzing every sigh and deep breath between them. I felt bad about treating her this way, she deserved to know everything, but I was scared of what I was going to say, I tried not to think about it, knowing my pain is now fully replaced with anger and frustration.

„I did everything I could, all this months I tried to help him and he acts like a fucking brat, trying to push me away. I’m so done with him, I’m not going back and begging him to let me do that all again. If he’s so devoted to Steve let’s just stick with that and let him live his pathetic little life without my interruptions.” 

I said it all in one breath trying not to sound paranoid, but Nat only nodded slowly and laid on her back, staring at the perfectly white ceiling. 

„I respect your every decision, but he’s only doing that to help you, and you know that. It’s you, who convinced me he means no harm and just can’t deal with his own mind, that’s why he’s trying to push you away. But it’s okay you’re tired with that, you don’t deserve it.”

I rolled on my stomach laying next to her and picked up the plate she put on the bed earlier. I stared at all the layers of my favorite toppings and saw how uneven it was looking, realizing Natasha helped Wanda with cooking this time. I smiled to myself remembering how much she hates doing that. 

"Just wait for him to come back, he'll do it eventually."

„Thanks Nat, I’m glad you’re here.” 

I said before dipping my fork in the cake.

---

Everyone got quiet when I entered the shared kitchen, it was the first time I was in the same room with Bucky since I left his apartment in tears. But I didn’t mind his presence, I knew he’s not going to bring it up when there were so many people around and I wasn’t planning on giving him a chance to speak to me in private. I walked up to the counter and poured myself a glass of water before heading to the coffee machine. I waited for my drink to brew when I turned away and rested my elbows on the counter behind me, almost tasting the tensed atmosphere I brought into the room. 

„Are you planning on attending any meetings this week or should I just send you a fax with our arrangements?” 

Tony asked calmly. He was mad at me, but acting as a human as possible he wasn’t planning on letting me know.

„Yeah, I’ll be there today.”

I shrugged my shoulders when Steve rolled his eyes, but I wasn’t looking at him. Bucky’s eyes were glued to the countertop in front of him, filled with guilt. He looked pathetic and I blamed myself for enjoying the view. After hearing a quiet beep my eyes left him to pick up the coffee.

„See you at 6.”

I said and started walking away lazily with mug in one hand and a glass of water in another. I was slowly getting used to this, feeling more comfortable leaving my room, not caring about the stares.

„You two should just fuck and let us get back to normal.”

I froze at Tony’s words and turned back to face him unconsciously.

„Come on, we can all see how you’re looking at each other, let’s finally get over this awkward phase.”

„Shut up.” 

Bucky replied him firmly at his next words, but Tony just shrugged his shoulders and went back to eating his cereal. I tightened my grip on the glass in my hand and looked him in the eyes, shaking my head slowly. Little did he know, we did that once, a few weeks back and it never helped, it never changed our relationship. I couldn’t find proper words to respond so I just walked away and stopped after passing the first corner, when no one could see me. I let my head fall back and took a few deep breaths, feeling the almost healed wound open up again. I started walking away when I heard footsteps approaching me, but he was faster and caught up with me after only a few seconds. He blocked my way with his body, towering over me before I could reach the elevator and hide in my room. 

„He shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry.” 

Bucky was trying to look me in the eyes but I successfully avoided it.

„Don’t act like you regret anything.”

I huffed and tried to pass him, but it was impossible. He raised his hand to tuck the strand of hair behind my ear but I flinched at his movement. He was visibly hurt by that, but not surprised, taking a step back his gaze never left me. 

„Can we just talk like adult people do?”

„You’re not so good at that.”

I replied coldly, matching his earlier energy, trying to push him away as he did so many times.

„I am, you taught me that.”

„No, that’s a job for a shrink, so I’m not doing that again.”

„I know how you fee-„

„No, you fucking don’t!”

I replied throwing a glass at him, my words louder than necessary. He didn’t flinch, knowing I wasn’t actually aiming at him. The glass flew next to his face and shattered at the wall behind him. 

„Fuck.” 

I mumbled and dropped on my knees to pick up the glass from the floor. He kneeled besides me and pulled me away gently, grabbing the shattered pieces with his metal hand. 

„You’ll hurt yourself.”

He said gently and I almost fell in his arms after these words, knowing how much I miss him and how much I want to be allowed to do that again. 

„Like you care.”

I huffed in response and entered the elevator leaving him alone, kneeling in the puddle wetting his jeans, letting my frustration take over.

-----

I heard a soft knocking on my door. I raised myself on my elbows before realizing Nat and Wanda never knock, no matter what time they decide to come see me, so I rolled over with my back facing the door now. I didn’t want to talk to anybody else at the moment.

„I know you’re not sleeping, I can hear your uneven breath.”

I heard the words clearly, even tho his whisper was muffled by the door separating us. I didn’t respond, knowing he’ll come in eventually. I heard a resigned sigh before the door opened. His quiet footsteps echoing in my head when he circled the room and kneeled besides my bed to face me. 

„I’m sorry for being such a dick.”

He said confidently waiting for my answer, but also knowing I’m not going to speak. He gave me a few seconds to make sure I don’t have anything to say before he spoke up again.

„I know how you feel, I can see how much you have to give up in order to help me. I know how alone you are, even with so many people supporting you. I know you did it all to make me feel better and I appreciate it more than anything, I need your help just as much as you think and more.”

I was a little confused at his words, actually admitting all the things he couldn’t say earlier.

„Then why are you like that?”

I felt the tears filling up my eyes again, but I didn’t care, letting them fall on my cheeks as our murmurs were filling up the quiet room. 

„Because I can’t stand watching you do this. You don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve you, but I can’t function without you. I need you back and I’ll do everything for you to forgive me again.”

His hand slowly landed on my cheek, wiping the tears away as he looked me in the eyes.

„See, that’s the problem. Again. How many times will you push me away before finally opening up and letting me really help you?”

My voice wasn’t shaking as much, feeling his touch calmed me down as always, no matter how I wanted to resist the feeling.

„I won’t do that ever again, I won’t hurt you. I just need you back, as clingy as always, being a pain in my ass every Friday morning, asking about my therapy. Making me watch all the stupid romantic movies, cuddling on the couch when I’m trying to move away. Dragging me back to bed when I lay on the floor and making me talk about my nightmares before we fall asleep again.”

"Who would think that Bucky Barnes could ever kneel before a woman."

"And I'll do it again for you."

I couldn’t help but giggled at his words, knowing how much I miss that feeling too, no matter he was trying to act like he hates it, he loved it more than I did. He smiled softly at my reaction, and I knew it was sincere. He slowly stood up and took the covers off me. Picking me up gently he moved me to make space for himself and laid next to me, resting my head on his chest before pulling the covers over us once more.

„Just come back for the last time and I promise I won’t act like a brat and start treating you as you deserve. I would do anything for you and I can’t run from it anymore. I’m ready to give you everything I can and finally take care of you, like you did this whole time.”

He brushed his fingers through my hair and I nodded slowly, knowing he finally understood that pushing me away is not an option. I took a deep breath smelling his cologne and my eyelids got heavy as my body started to relax. I closed my eyes sinking in the feeling of our bodies being so close again, our legs tangled under the duvet, his heart beating right where my head was resting. 

„Just close your eyes now, and we’ll start everything again tomorrow, okay?”

He asked quietly, his flesh hand not leaving my hair and the metal one still drawing circles on my back.

„Okay.”

I said before falling asleep, knowing I won’t wake up in the middle of the night as I did every single time for the past week. 

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

why does it comfort some people or bring them joy/excitement to imagine their favorite characters in terrible situations and being hurt physically or mentally? wouldn’t you want your favorite characters to be happy and safe?

I’m sure I’ve seen this exact ask being sent to another writing blog before, so seeing one in my own inbox was a little surprising. but anyway, I’ve said this before, but I don’t mind saying it again because lots of people seem to still be confused about this; the enjoyment of imagining or seeing fictional characters in terrible situations in which they are hurt and/or scared is called whump. people who enjoy whump tend to express their interest through art, such as drawings, writings, etc. whump has a community on several online platforms, as well as here on Tumblr. we are simply known as “whump community”.

moving on to your question, “why does it comfort us to imagine our favorite characters in agony?” — there is no definitive answer to the question, because different people enjoy whump for various, different reasons, and all of these reasons are valid. however, what I can give you is some examples of the reasons why people enjoy whump

reasons why people like whump:

some people use whump as a reflection of what they’ve been through, and they let their trauma out by channeling the trauma through fictional characters. to make it as simple as I can, some people use whump as a coping mechanism to help them heal from any traumatic events in their lives.

while whump is indeed about pain, it can also be about the comfort (the healing process) that comes after the pain. I personally known several people who heal by writing whump stories in which their favorite characters went through and survived terrible things that happened to them. the comfort part of the whump was used as a symbol of hope for these people, in the sense that they hold on to the idea that if these fictional characters can survive horrible things that happened to them, they (the writers) can survive and heal too.

some people use whump as a way to let out their frustration, trauma or pain. an abuse victim may fantasize about hurting their abuser back by creating a fantasy world in which their favorite character was hurt, but later healed and/or get their revenge.

it’s also worth mentioning that one doesn’t have go through their own trauma in order to be able to enjoy whump. 

some people like whump where their favorite character is hurt because they just Want to Hurt These Little Guys. 

some people like whump where their favorite character is hurt because they like the part where their favorite character gets comforted and is nursed back to health after they are rescued.

whump that’s followed by comfort (whump with a happy ending) is valid.

whump that has no comfort (whump without a happy ending) is also valid.

because whump is a genre, just like how lots of people like horror movies just for the sake of liking them. 

the term whumperflies is used to describe the euphoric feeling a person experiences while watching, drawing, writing or reading a whump scenario that hits right in the feels. for lack of better comparison, some people experience whumperflies that come close to an orgasm, whether or not whump is a sexual thing to them (some may enjoy whump as a form of kink, while some may enjoy whump for reasons that aren’t sexual at all). for some, whumperflies are these tingling sensation in the chest and/or the stomach, for someone else, whumperflies is like when you ride a rollercoaster and the ride is going down from its highest stop. there's no wrong way to experience whumperflies, as different people describe and experience them differently.

so, yes, some people may enjoy whump just for the euphoria whumperflies bring. and some people — myself included — can’t get whumperflies unless the character that’s going through pain is their most favorite character; it’s like… because you love this character so much, you’re so connected to them, you're so emotionally invested in them that you can only get whumperflies if it’s them going through the torture, meanwhile other characters just don’t make you feel half as strongly.

and that’s explain why people in the whump community prefer their favorite characters to be the ones going through hell.

and again, just like how movies have different genres, whump is a genre — people who like whump aren’t “freaks” or “red flags” in real life, even if they like whump for reasons that aren’t about coping mechanism. whump is a genre and a form of art, and most importantly, whump is fiction. it’s not real.

I do understand why people who aren’t into whump tend to be confused by the concept of whump, and I do understand why these people think being a fan of a fictional character only means wanting said fictional character to be safe and happy, which is why whump is not for everybody, and that’s okay too.

the thing is there is no wrong way to be a fan of something that’s fictional, you can like this fictional character so much you want to see them cry and covered in blood for whatever reasons, and that’s okay. as long as you’re not hurting anybody in real life.

there’s nothing wrong or abnormal about people who enjoy whump, just like how there’s nothing wrong or abnormal about people who like horror movies. it’s fiction and it’s a form of art. and I believe everybody is allowed to express and enjoy their interests through art in whichever way they want, as long as they’re not harming anybody in real life.