#I really am going to have a conniption

[scootkiddo]

something about getting more screen time with Sarah made her seem to be more of a parent to Joel than vice versa. her individuality was just so striking when it came to flipping the script on the father-daughter dynamic that gave so much license to her own agency and maturity in the household. she prepped breakfast bright and early while Joel exhaustedly stepped down the stairs. she asked Joel for pancake mix which he failed to remember picking up. she handed him a glass of orange juice while conclusively stating he needed the nutrition. all these factors and more shined Sarah in this new light that showed HER looking after her father, or HER being the caretaker. all the while subsequently highlighting just how much of a walking disaster Joel was

[arrow-guy]

My parents, joking about my boyfriend being over while they're gone: "haha, you have till (insert time) to get him outta there."

My parents immediately after finding out that he was, in fact, over while they were gone:

[ravenwolfie97]

*slams your door wide open*

ATTENTION QUEER PEOPLE

YOU’RE PRONOUNCING BLÅHAJ WRONG

STOP IT

sincerely, an autistic trans guy who has too much interest in language

[deadsetobsessions]

“I ate paint once,” Danny nonchalantly threw out in the middle of game night.

The entire table stopped. Heads whipped towards Danny.

“Yeah, me too. Cardamom yellow was my favorite. Ugly as hell but the chemicals just tasted right.” Tim replied, using the distraction to nab some of Bruce’s money. Monopoly money, that is. Everyone’s heads snapped towards Tim, only Cass and Danny (who was part of the scheme) caught him cheating.

“Really? I think mine was those spray can blue cosmos paint. But that might have been more my thing for space than the actual taste.”

“WHY WERE YOU EATING PAINT?!” Dick asked, looking like he wanted to lunge over the table and shake Danny until he puked out paint. Bruce looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

“Yeah, what the fuck, Tim?” Jason snickered.

“In my defense,” Danny grinned. “I was left unsupervised. Also, Steph, you owe me $24 in rent.”

“Ugh! I’m almost out of money! Can’t you loan me some, Alfred?”

“I am sorry, Miss Stephanie, you are not qualified for another loan. In fact, one of your properties is about to be confiscated as per the collateral agreement.”

“Noooo!” Stephanie made dramatic dying noises.

“What was your excuse, Timothy?” Damian asked, eyes glued to the board and determined to win the game.

“Hey, I was probably less supervised than Danny was.”

“Yeah,” Danny perked up. “My parents brought us down to their lab all of the time. Taught us a lot of stuff.”

“Really? Like what?” Duke asked, casually slapping away Tim’s sneaky hands.

“Oh, like what a rocket launcher sounded like up close! And how to build a laser gun! Oh! And what human organs looked like when they’re fresh!” Danny chirped, collecting his money from a stunned Stephanie’s hands. He looked up.

“Oh, don’t worry! I at least learned what not to do when it comes to lab safety. And we wore hazmat suits to protect ourselves from the radiation.” Danny smiled in a ditzy fashion as the table fell silent in a horrified manner. Cass tapped his arm amusedly, but allowed his bullshit to stand. After all, it’s not like he lied.

“Radiation?” Duck’s voice raised a couple of octaves. Oh yeah, Danny’s going to laugh about that pitch for a long while.

“Organs?!” Jason’s hands closed around the plastic house he was holding rather forcefully.

“Do you even know what basic lab safety practices are, Danny?” Damian demanded, finally looking up with brows furrowed. He rolled the dice and grabbed a mystery card. He gets $100 from Alfred.

“How old were you??” Duke asked.

“Like… 8, when they first brought me in?”

“Eight.” Bruce rumbled, slipping into a more Batman like persona. When Danny sent him a confused look, Bruce straightened back into his Bruce persona. “Wow, they must have trusted you a lot!”

“Sure?”

“What were their names again?” Stephanie asked sweetly, Cass nodding at him.

“Jack and Maddie Fenton.” Not that they’ll find them here, considering his parents are dead and in another universe.

“Cool, cool, cool!” Stephanie blinked, beaming as her hands formed lethal fists underneath the table.

Danny blinked and tilted his head in an unassuming way, pretending like he had no idea what Stephanie was thinking of. He sneakily handed over $600 to Cass in order to complete his monopoly on his side of the board.

Danny stood up and spread his hands out, one hand clutching his new found victory.

"Well, lady and gents, you've all been floundering against the inevitable tide of capitalism. I am here, as a reminder that you can never win against the hopelessness that will be your financial ruin! I, Danny Fenton, have obtained a quarter of the board and therefore have won against even your best efforts!" He cackled, holding up his fan of properties triumphantly. He shot a mischievous grin at Cass, who held up a solemn thumbs up in support for his monetary takeover.

"... Danny, are you... planning on a career in villainy?" Bruce asked, after a brief and total wave of shocked silence. Damian looked like he was having a conniption at having been bested, unknowingly. Yeah, Danny was disarming like that.

"Yeah, that was concerning." Tim piped up, nabbing a ten from a shell-shocked Damian.

"Hey! The Riddler gives surprisingly good monologues! And he's really loud, so it's hard not to pick up on things. Duke, your turn." Danny sat back down, pouting. The villainy comment was a little too close to his fears.

"Damn it." Duke, who had rolled, landed smack middle of Danny's territory. He handed over a sheaf of bills to a grinning Danny.

"Wait a minute! You have cheated!" Damian bolted upwards from his seat, finally done running through the purchases he remembered Danny making. "You acquired that property not within the games' rules!"

"Okay, first of all, the rule book is a suggestion, like lab safety rules," Danny saw the others open their mouths to protest, but he quickly shut it down. "Second, there's totally no rules about selling and buying places from a private owner so suck on it. And thirdly? Cass sold it to me, so you all can take it up with her."

"Diabolical!" Damian muttered indignantly.

"... Dammit." Dick sighed, falling back into the chair and balancing on its two legs. He couldn't say anything, considering his current of bankruptcy.

"Danny. Danny, I'll buy a property from you." Jason said, eyeing one of Danny's other properties near his own cluster.

"What do you have that would interest me?" Danny asked, falling back into his Vlad-like imitation.

"Ew, don't do that," Steph reached over to jab him in the arm.

"Yeah, Jason, what do you have?" Duke said, the lovely subtle instigator that he is.

"Red Hood's signature."

The others blue-screen, gaping at the actual audacity Jason had to offer up something that would take him no effort. Danny, prepared with a poker face that came with lying straight to Jazz's ever perceptive eyes about whether he nabbed the last of her ice cream or not, was prepared.

"Red Hood? The condom guy working out of the... um. Upper East Side?" Danny asked, pretending to hesitate. He knows where Jason operated. That doesn't mean he couldn't simply pretend otherwise. For science, of course.

...

...

...

The table howled with laughter, Jason's indignant spluttering unable to say anything against Danny's wide eyed look of innocence. Cass leaned against the table, chuckles falling out of her mouth and eyes crinkled in mirth. Dick had fallen out of his chair, helplessly wheezing on the floor. Duke is hiding his face in his hands, mirroring Bruce's pose as they both shake from silent laughter. Damian is smirking, wicked and sharp as he smugly stared at Jason. Stephanie and Tim are leaning against each other, repeating "the CONDOM GUY" in alternating and increasingly louder voices. Alfred had a smile on his face and a tight grip on the bills in front of him that betrayed his amusement.

"He's a crime lord!" Jason exclaimed, indignant.

"Uh, okay. Well, I mean, why would I want a crime lord's signature? I don't want to be on his radar. Or echolocation or whatever. He's... a Bat, right? That's what you guys call that group, yeah?"

"How do you know the Rogues better than the vigilantes?!" Jason glared at his unhelpful family. Those assholes better prepare for a load of rubber bullets the next time they're on patrol near Crime Alley.

"Hey, it's not my fault the vigilantes here are unsociable. Maybe if they monologued more, I'd know who they are."

"Wouldn't- wouldn't that make them more villain like?" Tim asked, stuttering from his laughter.

"I dunno?" Danny replied, enjoying his the family's unabashed joy. "I mean, they're pretty legit and they help people already so I guess they don't need to be sociable... but still I swear I haven't heard anything about Batman other than that he grunts and is mean towards criminals."

Is mean towards criminals, Duke mouthed at a recovering Dick who was in the process of heaving himself back up. It sent him careening back down to the floor with restrained giggles. Cass tapped Danny, reminding him to eat some food.

"Tt. Of course not. They're efficient at their jobs and have no need to be seen as welcoming to criminals." Damian puffed up.

"Yeah, but they've gotta feel safe, right?" Danny shrugged as he plucked a cookie from the cookie platter. "The... one with the sword, what was it?"

"Robin." Damian supplied, eyes narrowed and trained on him.

"Yeah, the baby bird. The kids think his swords are cool so they trust him. But like, the others? The flippy blue one? Not so much."

"Wait," Dick said from the floor. "They don't trust Nightwing?"

"Nah, they trust him to protect them, but he has a history of bringing the kids to the police, you know?"

"What's wrong with that?"

Danny shrugged. "ACAB. But also because everybody knows that half the guys in the GCPD and CPS are child traffickers."

"Wait, what?" Jason and Tim straightened.

Bruce piped in, the emotional whiplash of amusement to concern to amusement to concern visibly making itself known on the man's baffled face. "I thought Batman and Commissioner Gordon took care of that?"

"Sure, the obvious ones." Danny hesitated. Well, he's pretty sure they think he's a meta so... "There's... a meta trafficking ring that they're a part of. That's. That's kind of what I was running from."

Danny looked up pleadingly. Cass placed a hand on his arm in comfort, not knowing that he was fibbing about running from them.

Danny was on the streets helping his own Alley metas to run from them.

Danny is as feral as she was, and that meant he could hide just as much as she could read off of him. Cass was the best and he felt kind of bad about lying to her, successfully or not.

"Uh. Some people said you know Batman, Bruce. I know- uh, that might not be the case but if you do, could you ask him to look into it?" Danny made his eyes tear up. "And maybe he wouldn't care about me much, I mean, I know he doesn't really like metas but if he helps out, I could totally like, leave the city once the kids are safe, promise."

Ooh, Danny put a little too much sincerity into that. He could practically hear the hearts breaking in the game room as everyone glared at Bruce.

"You won't have to leave."

"... Promise?" And Danny's voice was a little too desperate, too hopeful, because Bruce's eyes tugged down in sadness.

"Promise." He rumbled, all Bruce Wayne and all Batman. Danny's core warmed. Danny also saw the rest of the family's faces darken in pure agreement. And partial wrath.

"Yeah! We'll kick Batman's ass if he even thought about kicking you out!" Stephanie proclaimed.

"He's far more proficient in combat than you are, Brown." Damian immediately leapt to Batman's defense and that was that.

Well, later, as Danny was "sleeping" and Phantom was hovering in the cave, invisible and intangible, he got confirmation that his Alley meta kids were going to be safe, soon.

After all, the entire Batclan was suiting up and baying for blood, with Oracle's all encompassing presence behind them, fingers reaching for their enemies' weak points.

[saurongorthaur9]

As we get closer to the end of S2, I'm going more insane over who the surprise kiss is going to involve and whether they are going to go You Know Where. I keep playing the process of elimination game with any character who might share a scene with Galadriel at this point, and I just can't conceive who it could possibly be other than Sauron.

Elrond? It would come out of nowhere, they've said in interviews that Galadriel and Elrond's relationship is platonic, and there'd be the weird "kissing my future MIL" aspect of it.

Celebrimbor? Again, it would come out of nowhere, and Charles Edwards said in an interview that they aren't going with the "Celebrimbor had an unrequited crush on Galadriel" direction.

Gil-galad? Once again, out of nowhere, and it would just be weird and uncomfortable?

Arondir (since we know he shows up for the Battle of Eregion)? Unless Galadriel is his rebound for losing Bronwyn, it would make no sense and they've barely interacted in the series.

A minor elf character (Camnir, Mirdania, etc)? Again, it would come totally out of nowhere, and if it's significant enough for Morfydd to mention it, I really think it'll be with a main character. Plus, where would they go with that, since we know she eventually ends up with Celeborn one way or another?

Speaking of which...Celeborn? Still not 100% convinced that he might not make a very surprise appearance, but it just doesn't seem to fit with the "shocking" description nor the fact that some reviewers who have seen it threw an absolute fit over it apparently.

Adar? This is the one contender that I could see making *some* sense (not as much as Sauron though). There's definitely chemistry there, if not of any romantic sort (as of now), and we know they're going to have some big scenes together in the upcoming episodes. It would fall into the "shocking" category for sure, and I could see lorebro reviewers losing it over it for the same reasons as they would over Sauron. However, right now, I don't see it fitting into the story anywhere, plot-wise or thematically. But right now, it would make more sense than any of the prior possibilities.

Am I crazy that this just leaves Sauron? The character who they have spent two seasons establishing a connection with her and emphasizing that they are still very hung up over each other? The character who, whether you ship them or not, she has the deepest and best chemistry with? The character with whom a kiss would fit thematically (touch the darkness, etc)? Plus, I can think of multiple likely scenarios that it could occur during (a vision, as part of a Galadriel corruption arc if they go there, etc). And it would definitely be shocking and send lorebros into absolute conniption fits.

Like, I know I'm biased because I want it to be them, but truly is there anyone else it would make any sort of sense with? Tell me I'm not crazy (or tell me I am and explain what you're guessing/seeing that I'm not)?

[peanutbubba]

You want freaky? YOU WANT FREAKY??? I'll try, just for you Pea <3

I love starting off strong so Imma just dive right into the dacryphilia. What can I say? I like strong men crying and whimpering. Though I'm sure that's not going to be the most devious thing I'll come up with, I am still fully awake after all. God damn do I want Law broken and sniffling after getting piped like the most inconvenient city road construction in the summer heat, I want him begging and begging for more despite being too tired to even keep his eyes open that are blurry and puffy from sobbing. He just wants everything you have to give, your attention, love, admiration, libido, loyalty. And he absolutely cries more when you aren't giving it to him genuinely.

Fuck it, put a collar on this guy, he deserves to be controlled a little bit. Like, have you thought of the ways to tease, play, and generally mess with him??? Cause I do. At some point I lose track of seeing him overwhelmed with pleasure and the feeling of being wanted to seeing him overwhelmed with just existence. Keeping him in your lap with just the collar on him after promising him some release but you're forcing him to stay still while you’re reading a book or watching TV or scrolling through your phone. He's aching but the only attention he gets is once he's already soft again, and by the time he's ready and in tears because he finally thinks you'll let him cum, you stop to take your attention away completely. It's happening over and over again, Law is endlessly babbling at some point because maybe if he begs and whines enough you'll actually help him. Right? *buzzer noise* WRONG ANSWER, FOREHEAD! Law doesn't even need to be being a brat, just say you're done and let him lay on the couch for a while to get all the sobbing and begging out before finally treating him softly and gently. He doesn't protest either to you treating him like glass, he just doesn't want to be ignored by you.

I can be freakier, LET ME COOK. I want you to have to screenshot this and block out some of the shit I'm saying because It makes your blog look Christian in comparison!!

God I am so glad I stay anonymous because of the shit I'm about to type. At some point, putting a cock cage/cock ring on Law IS in question. Medically, they ain't supposed to be on for more than 30 mins at a time, but this is fiction and I have free will, so slap that shit on. Why? Idk, to see him squirm, we've already established holy shit does this make me a sadist I like this guy crying. Imagine him spending an entire day, from waking up to going back to bed with you, in a cock ring. He can't get you off of his mind, and he can't get the fucking ring off because he knows he can't lie about this kind of thing to you, so (I guess going for a modern au here) he gets back after a long as shift or day of errands and you're already about to fall asleep which makes him want to have a god damn conniption. Wakes you up and goes between begging and demanding you do something to make up for falling asleep while he's been playing your game all day. You do eventually cave in because he doesn't act like this often about the shit you do, but you do it your way still. Tell him you'll help and that he needs to calm down before you do anything, and he fucking hates being told to calm done, it doesn't take much convincing though after you turn back around to go back to sleep. From that point it doesn't get much better than if he kept the ring on, the entire time you're edging him or as soon as he cums you let go to watch him become dissatisfied with his underwhelming orgasm. He keeps on demanding and demanding that you do it again until you give him a proper orgasm, though by the 5th try I imagine he just tells you to let him do it himself if you're going to be cruel about it. At that point you can finally give him what he wants with a few quick pumps all the way through his orgasm until he flops over and melts into the sheets, not really caring about the fact that he came dry, just happy that he doesn't feel so pent up anymore and is completely willing to sleep like that despite the knot that would be in his neck by morning.

I know, it's not the kinkiest thing someone has written on the interwebs, being honest though, I'm just below the surface of the water with these ideas and the things I think of. I'm not ready to share the lowest level of my iceberg to tumblr just yet lol

I also try not to overflow your inbox with my asks so I wait until the ones I've sent are answered, but I need this out of my google docs yesterday

-✨️💀✨️

This got a giggle out of me, got me rubbing my hands like some devious ass fly.

Absolutely this was so beautiful, 10/10. Man, just the though of Law being a crier, yep that takes it!

You know when some people cry you can see their true eye color, it’s 100% like that with Law, like his usually sunken tired eyes much more bright and grey/yellow can be seen so clearly you wanna lose yourself in them.

I’m gonna lose myself on the fact that you said a collar though! Please, this man was destined to wear a nice deep blue or a rosy red around his neck.

The cock ring and dry cumming also got me. The fact that he doesn’t care, he just wants an energy release, doesn’t even mind how nothing spurts out of his spent cock he simply wanted the numbing of an actual well drawn orgasm.

Best morning yet, got to wake up to this in my inbox which was abso-toot-ly worth it.

Also I saw the other message, really hope you got your essay done in time man 😭.

[irishhorse-blog]

I received the usual private messages telling me how delulu I am, how disrespectful I am to Jimin because he clearly said he's single and not looking. Okay. I'm not going to respond to each message individually, so I'll address these things here.

Yes, I heard what he said. I know that there are many ways to interpret his words and the signals and signs that have been shown for lo this past decade. Some will see it at face value; some will see it through hate; some will see it through protective lenses; others will see it in a shipper's light. Do any of us really know what he means, or what his life situation is? No. I and the other Jikook stans could be completely wrong.

When I started shipping, I was ambivalent about the whole process. It's honestly gross to force a romantic narrative onto real people when it's very likely to not only be untrue but also offensive to the people involved. I never got involved in RP shipping before, and if I'm honest, the concept sort of squicked me out.

So why do I write a Jikook blog, you may ask? I believe in what I see. I believe that they're actually a couple and that they're actually in a committed relationship. I'm not shipping them. I'm supporting them. And if it turns out that I'm wrong and I've been an assclown this whole time, so be it. I still love them, and I'm still here for it. My first priority and the only thing I have ever wished for them is that they're happy, no matter what they're doing, no matter who they end up with. I hope they find the lives and the loves that they want, because they deserve it.

I believe that Jikook is real. I also believe that there is subtext to the things that Jimin was saying in the second MiniMoni video. I do listen to what he says, and what JK says, and what the other guys say about them. It's the combination of all these words over all these years that has convinced me.

Whatever the truth is, it may never be something we out here in the wider world get to know. It might be that their lives will always remain private, and that's okay. I swear that I won't have a conniption or throw a hissy fit if it turns out that both JK and Jimin end up marrying women and having families of their own. I think they'd both be wonderful fathers, for what it's worth.

I just don't think they will. And only time will tell.

So, keep slinging accusations at me, and keep accusing me and belittling me if it makes you happy. What you have to say means nothing to me. My opinion is my own, and in the grand scheme of things, in the face of death, destruction, war and grief, it hardly matters whether or not two celebrities I'll never meet in person are busy sevening each other. I'm not going to argue about this. There are more important things in this world that deserve my attention and my energy.

[scenetocause]

This isn't a kiss prompt but I didn't know who else to send it to. Given you're into fisting would you ever write urethral play? Rule 63 pretty please and ignore this if it's not your thing!!!! Thank you for your service 💋

anon i need you to know this is the most horrifically targeted ask in history and i am found out. called out. seen. it's taken me days to respond because i'm having conniptions. let's all never meet at the satanic ritual again if you sent this no you didn't if you read this no you didn't i absolutely definitely didn't write it.

this seemed to fit very perfectly to pussy exploring champion genders maxy. warnings for what this is and inevitably a bit of piss.

Luisa says no straight away, tells Lando to watch more normal porn. He looks suitably ashamed of himself but also directly at Max, who hasn't replied yet.

"Err," she's not. Well she's seen it, obviously, back in the Formula Renault days when everyone was trying to one-up each other about what they'd whacked one out to. But she doesn't think about that type of thing too often, now. Doesn't exactly need to.

"You are not," Luisa looks scandalised. "No way."

"I dunno," Max argues. "It's - well. It's interesting, maybe?"

Luisa makes a very disgusted sound, like she's about to call them both idiot boys but doesn't want to offend Max. "Not when I'm here. Could you get back to-" she gestures between her own legs - "now, please?"

It's something Max is beyond happy to do, especially when Lando slides up behind where she's bent over, sticks his dick in Max's pussy while her tongue's up Luisa's, fitting perfectly between them.

It's a few weeks later when the opportunity presents itself. Luisa's away, Lando's received a few suspiciously plain parcels, Max is feeling restless and horny but doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of riding his dick for a second time in a day. Bloke wins one race and thinks he's got free use or something.

Max might let him. One day. For a weekend or something. If he wins a championship. For now, though, she's curious about this.

When Lando pushes her back into the duvet, one of his hands behind her waist to maneuver her so she's settled nicely against the pillows, it feels like the right time to ask. To shimmy her legs around his, so she can hook her ankles behind his thighs and hold him there, just in case actually saying it makes either of them nervous.

In the end she can't quite get it out, anyway. "Do you want to try - putting something up. You know?"

"Fuck." Lando clearly wasn't expecting her to ask that, has to collapse on her a bit. "Fuck, really? Yeah - yeah, if you want to."

"If it's shit we can do something else, yeah?" Everything on PornHub was a bit rancid, Max is pretty sure she's not going to be doing any of that. But it's nice when Lando tongues her there, sometimes. Weirdly soothing, if her cunt's a bit achey from fucking.

Lando moans into her collarbone, kisses her under the ear before a breathy confession. "I'm glad it's you - I knew she wouldn't really be, y'know."

There's a thing, with them. That they do stuff together, sometimes and it's different from with Luisa. When they're all fucking it's great, so good but sometimes Max and Lando almost try stuff on, before they take it to her. Just to get the knack first, really.

"Better get, y'know. And a towel." Kicking him off the bed to go and find everything feels a bit mean but also fuck is Max going to do it herself. It gives her time to kick off her own shorts, leave her in a soft, comfy crop top Lando can see her nipples through, anyway.

When he gets back he drops some stuff on the bed, kneels back to take his own shirt off. It's a nice view, lot of abs and shoulders and Lando's tight, dark nipples. He's so built now and Max can't really bring herself to get jealous about it, with her own body to explore, these days.

Lando wastes no time in pushing her thighs apart, big hands spanning them. His thumbs are massaging the crease, spreading the outer lips of her pussy immediately and she can feel where she's wet with anticipation, the slide easy.

"Towel." She can't be bothered to do laundry after this, is pretty sure she'll want Lando to hold her.

He shakes his head like he's trying to snap himself out of something. "Right, yeah."

Lando picks one of her thighs up, props it on his own hip while he's dipping his fingers beneath her hips, rubbing them over Max's arsehole. "I'm gonna start here."

"Well it's not there." Surely he knows that?

"Nope." Lando looks smug and ashamed at the same time. "I wanna fuck you here."

It punches the air out of her, sometimes. The way Lando wants her, wants Max. He's got a bit of a thing for anal anyway but because they did this before, when Max was a boy, it always feels natural with them.

"Ok, yeah."

It's so nice, wet fingers playing over her and dipping inside, she almost forgets they're not just doing that this afternoon. Feeling stretched around Lando's fingers isn't as good as his cock but it gets her in a relaxing kind of mood, concentrating on making the tension leave her body, letting the anticipation build.

"Your arse is so good." It's a bit embarrassing how basic compliments still get her - of course her arse is great, Lando's lucky he gets to do it but appreciation is always nice.

"C'mon," she wants her clit touched, feeling wet and swollen.

Lando doesn't do that, although he takes his fingers out of her arse, carefully wipes them on the towel underneath her, then frowns and gets up to go and wash them in the sink.

For a minute, she thinks maybe it was messy and wants to die a bit, making a questioning noise when he gets back.

"No - just. Should be sterile, innit?" Oh, yeah. Max doesn't really want to be pissing blood any time soon. It's nice, that Lando cares this much about her. Makes it easy to part her legs, wide and prop them a bit like an uncomfortable doctors appointment, much easier with Lando's thumb rubbing over her clit.

He wriggles down on his belly, disappearing from her view and Max closes her eyes, tries not to think too much about the view he's got. Her arse, glistening with lube and still twitching a bit from the intrusion. Her pussy, puffed up with how turned on she is and sopping wet where he's spreading her open, looking inside.

It makes her gasp, when she feels that he can see it, from the sudden air. It almost makes her want to pee but then Lando's mouth is there, wet and as soothing as she remembered it.

The catch of the tip of his tongue over it makes Max blush. It feels very possible, suddenly, that something could go up there. When Lando sucks on it a bit, gentle and warm, she wants to relax it, pee in his mouth just a tiny bit and it's a weird, mortifying thought that drags a harsh noise out of her, shocked at herself.

The exhale makes her let go, just a tiny bit and then nearly try to scramble off the bed, if Lando hadn't been there to hold her down with his hands round her hips.

He looks at her, aggrieved and with a wet face. "You know I am trying to make you do that?"

"Oh." She'd sort of known - you can't get round piss being a bit involved, can you? But not in his mouth, maybe. Should've know Lando's a fucking freak.

"Relax, Maxy." She settles back and he dives back in, licking her all over for a few minutes before getting back to sucking over her peehole, soft and warm.

This time it's more deliberate, when she relaxes. It's not a lot, not even a dribble, really, just a few drops from her opening up for him.

Lando grunts in satisfaction, stops sucking to lick over her, dipping his tongue further into her pussy. It feels a bit urgent, suddenly, to get attention there or to piss properly.

"C'mon, do the thing."

"Yeah?" Lando sounds a bit gargly, like he is on team radio sometimes. "Can I put it in you?"

He sounds so hopeful Max forces herself to stay relaxed, not tense up with anticipation. "You can try. Y'know, with lube."

The sound Lando's got in his hand isn't big - probably the smallest he could order, with a safely rounded tip. Max is pretty sure that's her limit, isn't interested in anything that would stretch her out there, just something that will fit.

Lando sloshes so much lube it feels like her pussy is squelching and it takes him a moment to get a good enough grip to open her back up, with the forefinger and thumb of his left hand, while he's aiming.

Trying to relax, feeling the round tip of the sound against her, she feels the hot splash of some piss escape her and Lando uses all those F1 reaction times to push it forward, just inside.

It's. So weird. Nothing like her arse or her pussy, almost feels like she can feel it in her clit. Makes her wriggle down, get her legs further apart and-

"More." She sounds hoarse, embarrassed and Lando just hums like he's mesmerised, fucks the sound a little deeper.

She feels the moment when it's in, partly as relief that the ball part is past and only the smooth, silicone stick is being squeezed and partly as a rush of heat between her legs, leaking.

It must make her make a noise, although Max isn't sure she could've heard herself over the blood rushing through her ears. Still, Lando responds. "It's so hot. Fuck, Max, does it hurt?"

Sort of, would be her honest answer. It's not comfortable, at the same time as it feels incredible. Filthy, special, like she's going to come insanely hard as soon as Lando does anything else to her.

"Not really. Not, like, bad. I like it." It feels shocking admitting that, almost the same gut-punch as when she'd had to say the opposite about racing.

Lando tuts. "I'm going to-" he tugs on the sound, gentle. "Take it out. Want to get you off."

She doesn't have the words to say that'll probably do it. That she might come when he's pulling it slowly out. By some miracle, she doesn't because Lando's mouth is back there, suddenly. His right thumb, freed from holding the sound, is on her clit and she's definitely wetting, a little bit, when her thighs clamp around his head while she's shaking through it.

When she lets him go Lando drags himself up like he's just done a brutal workout. His face is red with heat or horny or both and his mouth is dripping, goatee soaked.

"Fuck, I'm not gonna be able to-" he's shoving his joggers off, cock springing free with a spider-web trail of precome to the fabric. "I'm - fuck, Max."

He's coming over her pussy, splattering her pubes, before he's even really got a hand on himself, fingertips loosely rubbing himself through it.

Lando moans, collapsing on the bed next to her. "I know we've got to - give me a minute."

She rolls over, pulls his face against her tits. "Thank you, buddy."

Lando makes a sort of affectionate noise, burrowing into her chest. "Can't believe - yeah, good. So good, actually."

He runs her a bath, when she gets up to pee. Sits behind her in it until they're both pruning and the water's getting cool, their bodies warmer than what's around them, pressed together.

[starwrighter]

I am not a baby!! (yes you are)

(Ao3) (Masterpost) (previous) (next)

(Chapter ten baby!!!!)

Danny isn't stupid. He knew Giga Fish was still here somewhere. Watching him... Hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, oxygen ticking lower and lower as he darted back into the semi-safety of his base.

A backpack full of peepers and bladderfish smelled awful. Getting the fishy smell out of his suit was going to take ages! Bladder fish are natural water filters. The fabricator draws out drinkable water from the fish's well...Bladder. Ancients, he hoped the fabricator sterilized this with its little lasers.

Non vegan water...

Sam would have a conniption fit, Tucker would love everything about it. He'd find a way to contact them soon if they didn't find him first. The earful he would get from Jazz might just be worse than his giant stalker. Getting lectured by Jazz would be preferred over sitting here with a gigantic fish a few dozen meters away. At least with Jazz, he knew she cared about him. He didn't know what the big guy wanted from him. Danny wasn't exactly a snack you'd travel through the sea for.

Whatever the guy wanted, Danny didn't care. As long as they both stuck to themselves, things would go just fine...

Peeking through the curtain, Danny saw the massive eel-like fish curled up, staring directly at his base.

Danny really wanted to study the guy. What were his eating habits? He didn't seem to be interested in eating any of the fish around him. Both the sharp teeth at the front of his maw and the shiny bioluminescent stripes that drew fish closer to him suggested a carnivore, but his complete disinterest conflicted with this.

Could a fish be vegetarian? A fish capable of sentience like this one probably could, but Danny didn't want to shove his head in the lion's mouth to test that.

Drawing on his PDA, Danny sketched out the blueprints for a table with a trash bin that slotted into the left side. Two air-tight cabinets were built into it. One smaller one underneath the trash bin and one larger, like a fridge on the right. In the middle was a collapsible set of stairs that'd allow him to reach the top of the table. Maybe making the table shorter would be more convenient, but giving up that extra storage space along with his dignity would be too much for him right now. The table top was a bit too empty for his liking, so he added small drawers at the back edge of the table. A perfect place to store small blades and silverware when he created the blueprints for them. Overall, it was much more like a workstation with built-in storage than a table, but Danny still planned to eat his meals here just as he planned to prepare them.

The fabricator would've been sufficient to cook his meals, but the lasers vaporized the shit out of the organs and bones of the fish. Anything nonedible in a fish's body turned to dust. The dusted ligaments and organs gave the meat a medical taste, like using hydrogen peroxide as mouthwash. Sure, the lasers were cool, but what was the point of cooking if your food tasted like high-tech sadness? It was bad enough that the only seasoning he had was salt. He didn't need his food to taste like it was made in a lab. Gutting his own fish was a necessity. Anything he couldn't eat could be tossed outside for the carnivores to snack on. They deserved a little treat for dealing with his stupidity.

Danny built his little table close to his fabrication station, ensuring it was anchored to the floor and wall. An unsteady piece of furniture could flatten him into an ugly pancake. If his friends were here, they'd agree he looked much cuter when he's only fifty percent dead.

Quickly stepping up to the table with his backpack full of fish, he unsheathed his survival knife... The knife would've been so much more effective than his teeth when he fought the big guy. Danny fought the urge to facepalm. What's done is done, he bit someone like a feral raccoon, but everything worked out!

Gutting fish was more difficult than he'd expected it to be. It was hard to tell if his lack of experience or now tiny hands were what made the task feel a thousand times harder. Peeper blood was yellow, but his own was still a vibrant red that dripped onto the table with every slip of the hand. It felt like a fishing trip with Dad, only without the forty-minute lecture on the dangers of ghost fish.

Running his hands over the now gutted Peepers, Danny used all the power he could muster, freezing them solid. Spots danced in his peripherals, the floor spinning underneath him like a carousel. It took a minute or two to regain his composure. Sitting on the ground with his frozen fish head pounding, face flushed red. Forcing his powers was like trying to drink scalding hot coffee through a toothpick-thin straw. It left him out of breath, fingertips burning with no evidence of damage.

There was an ecto dampener on this planet, he was certain of that. One stronger than any of the ones his parents had built. A radius that reached far past the planet's atmosphere yet still remained potent enough to prevent any significant power usage.

Unfortunately for whoever put the field up, it didn't cancel out his powers completely. Maybe if it did, he would have died completely, saving the culprit or culprits from being mauled. If Danny was anything, he was a stubborn bastard, and there was no amount of dampening that would stop him from clawing the faces of whatever had the audacity to do this! If he had access to his powers he could've saved everyone!

Over a hundred people died because he wasn't strong enough to save them! Because he was prevented from saving them. Ships like the Aurora don't just crash and burn for no reason. Alterra might skimp out a bit on employee safety, but the engineers they hired for serious maintenance were top-of-the-line. Underpaid, but top of the line, they wouldn't make a mistake that could cause that much damage. The way the ship shook, it felt like something had hit them. Everything about this seemed more and more suspicious the more thought he put into it.

For now all he could do was survive in hopes of finding some kind of lead. Finding and stopping whatever was stifling his powers was number three on his to-do list. Just above studying the wildlife but below finding other survivors and surviving himself.

First things first was rations! Both he and any other survivor would need food and water. While he was set with his... questionably hygienic water, fabricating more was a necessity. Giga fish was still out there, Danny could feel eyes on him whenever he passed the glass. All it would take was a split decision to plop his tail in front of the hatch, and Danny was trapped in here to either starve or dry out like a sponge under a sunlamp.

Coral samples and crumbling chunks of salt were taken by the fabricator, turned into bleach within the blink of an eye. The PDA screamed at him, a pitch that could've made his ears bleed. Warnings flashed on screen, the AI desperately pleading with him not to put the substance anywhere near his face. A wild contradiction to the PDA entrance that recommended using it to disinfect his wounds.

Only when he used the bleach to fabricate more water did the tablet stop screaming. The water smelt chemical, and it tasted vaguely of metal coins. Like the overpriced bottled waters, you'd find at an airport vending machine. Laying the bottles on their sides, he stashed them away in the cabinet, placing frozen peepers between each layer. Cold water wasn't a luxury he'd be willing to give up, nor was it something he'd give himself a mind-splitting headache over. So the obvious solution was to turn the cabinet into a disturbing refrigerator with dead fish eyes that stared into the deepest depths of his soul!

Nobody ever said survival was aesthetically pleasing.

Walking back to the window, Danny stares flatly at the curtain. Apparently, the whole "You can't see me, therefore I no longer exist," rule didn't work on this guy, so the curtain was completely useless. Peeking past the cloth, he could see the fish staring at him. Didn't even bother to hide, just sat there like he didn't belong hundreds of meters down doing anything else.

If watching him gave this guy joy, he's going to do something nobody could be entertained by. No longer should he be the comedian for giga fish! He was going to do something so drastic, something he'd only done sparely over the past year! He was going to...

Sleep!

He collapsed down onto the floor, curling himself up with the low-hanging curtains. Spite made it all the easier for him to fall asleep.

@ashoutinthedarkness @avelnfear @meira-3919 @thought-u-said-dragon-queen @hugsandchaos @blep-23 @zeldomnyo @bytheoldwillowtree @justwannabecat @shepherdsheart @starlightcat04 @stargazing-bookwyrm @pupstim @dragongoblet

[qqueenofhades]

Hello, Hilary! After finishing my studies I was burned out and lost my love for the Middle Ages, but I feel it coming back lately and I'm trying to rekindle it as best as I can. I'm already reading a couple of books, a series of articles, and listening to The Medieval Podcast, but I was wondering if you could recommend other historians to follow in tumblr that talk about the period. I tried to go through the general tags but oh my god. Oh my god they're so bad? I was expecting to find bs and stereotypes but not to this level what do you mean peasant women got married when they were TWELVE I-- No. No, I can't keep searching there, I'll have a conniption, xD Anyway, thank you in advance, I've been enjoying myself greatly going through your Richard the Lionheart tag, I do love me some early Plantagenets 💖

Aha, the only Tumblr historian of the medieval period that I can 100% vouch for (as in close irl friends, have gone to conferences and traveled across Europe on Archive Hunts together, worked together/professionally collaborated, edited/read the other's stuff, contributed to the same collections/journals, bitched and moaned about the Academic Horrors) is @oldshrewsburyian. I have definitely seen some good posts on the topic go by on my dash, but they're not from people I follow and/or can personally vet for, so I am hesitant to recommend sight unseen. That is because, as you say, Tumblr is uh... really not the place for doing history, especially medieval history, and much of what passes for it is basically cliches, stereotypes, wild assumptions, and other such misinformation, willful and otherwise.

There are certainly some other history-adjacent folks that I follow, or who work academically on the premodern period; @margridarnauds does medieval Celtic literature, for example. I also have some historians who follow ME and who pop up in my asks or notifications, but much to my shame, I'm blanking on them. So yes, in the name of making sure that I know the credentials of people that I recommend here, I will have to say this is all I can think of for now, but Historians of Tumblr, please feel free to self-promote in the comments (and note if you work on the medieval period, since that's what our friend here is asking for specifically).

Good luck!

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/737400904828043264/look-i-am-sick-of-the-incest-accusations-no

I feel your pain on this so much anon, and honestly, it really confuses me how often people consider stepcest or fosters-raised-together to be incestuous to the point where it should actually meaningfully affect anyone's relationships.

I remember rolling my eyes so fucking hard when I was watching Gossip Girl and Serena had an absolute conniption about the idea of her mom marrying her boyfriend's dad, and it's like. Girl. You spent the better part of a year thinking you were responsible for some dude's death and you're balking at the idea of your bf becoming technically your relative through no fault of your own? And same with foster siblings and even adopted in certain circumstances. Like The Fosters breaking up Callie and Brandon because his family officially adopted her when like, sure that counts on paper and maybe you'd have an issue getting legally married but who cares? You already would have some of the virtues of a legally binding union anyway, being considered family so hospital visits wouldn't be an issue.

And people in these fandoms act like the above two situations are equal to actual incest (ie: two people who are legitimately family, and were actually raised viewing each other as such whether or not they are related by blood), which is just so bizarre to me, because it completely misses the reasons legitimately incestuous relationships are actually an issue!

If two teenagers are dating and then their parents marry, they are step-siblings on paper but not in any way that actually matters. If a family with a teenage son fosters a teenage girl and these two teenagers fall in love, that does not immediately become incestuous just because his parents decide to officially adopt her later on. There's some spice as far as the family drama is concerned, sure, but nothing that antis SHOULD be finding genuinely objectionable. It's just so odd to me.

--

Those things are all in the realm of Relationship That's Comically Awkward To Explain To Your Friends, not legit incest.

People need to go watch that Billy & Billie show and calm down.

[foulwitchknight]

CW:sexual harassment

Tommy Hagen was known for being touchy. He seemed to think he was entitled to touch anywhere he wanted and that usually meant attempts to feel up the female population. They’d gone out a few times but Stephanie made it clear she wasn’t interested. She only really did it so her parents would get off her back about not dating. You’re such a pretty girl surely you there is someone you are interested in. There was but she doubted her parents would approve. Stephanie sighed she’d had an awful day and all she wanted was to sneak off to the movies after school. She was deciding what snacks to take when she felt a hand on her ass and someone press close to her back. She jumped and swung around to see a grinning Tommy. “Harrington,” he said moving his eyes slowly up her body. “you look particularly fetching today.” “Tommy you’re being particularly creepy today.” Stephanie said turning back to resume gathering her things from her locker. Tommy clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “Don’t be like that Steph. When are we going to go out again.” Never “I’m really busy with school and extracurriculars I don’t have time to date.” She recited the excuse like she’d done it a million times before because she had. Not only to Tommy, but to all the boys. She knew though she’d find the time for a certain someone…. A heavy hand landed in her shoulder and she was roughly pulled back into a bony chest. She felt hot breathe invade her ear and she forced herself not to cringe. “You know not many guys would tolerate this game Steph. You’re lucky I like you so much.” Stephanie put a hand on his chest and craned her neck to try to create space. “I’m not playing any games besides aren’t you going with Carol?” She felt him shrug. “Unofficially. I don’t think it’ll work out though Carol’s a girl I need a woman.” Stephanie saw him lick his lips. He probably thought that it was seductive but all it did was make her want to knee him in the… “Hey Hagen why don’t you make like a tree and get out of here.” A voice said behind them. They both turned and there stood Eddie Munson looking as cool as ever. Stephanie felt her heart pick up and heat flood her face. She hated that Eddie was seeing her like this. With him. Tommy was so distracted by Eddie the vice around her loosened and she shoved him away trying to fix herself. He barely noticed too busy glaring at Eddie. “Can’t say the joke right Munson.” “Oh I know the joke just didn’t think you’d get it so I decided to cut to the chase.” Tommy’s mouth drew in a hard line. “Watch it Munson.I’m a big deal around here.” he said darkly. “You’re a fungus. The sooner you accept that the safer the girls at this school will be.” Stephanie didn’t think Tommy’s face could get any redder but she was wrong. He started to say something raising his finger threateningly when suddenly the bell for lunch rang out. The halls were flooded with students and Tommy must have been swept off in the crowd because he wasn’t there when it thinned out. Stephanie sighed relieved and couldn’t help noticing that Eddie was grinning like a Cheshire Cat. She couldn’t help grinning back. “You seem quite pleased with yourself. “ she said closing her locker and turning to face her. Edie shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be? I was able to aid a fair maiden against an ogre.” Stephanie rolled her eyes. “Dramatic much?” “Oh I’m sorry I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Eddie Munson.” She actually held out her hand still grinning. Stephanie playfully slapped it away barking out a laugh. Very unladylike. Her parents would have a conniption if they found out. She started to walk towards the cafe and she was pleased that Eddie followed her. She knew Eddie chose to eat in her van most days and she could see her paper bag lunch clutched in her hand. “So am I to understand that you’re still hanging around the likes of Tommy Hagen and that crowd.” Stephanie shook her head. “Not so much anymore.” “Good.” That made Stephanie pause and raise an eyebrow at her.

“I mean you’re so much better than those losers you always have been!” Eddie rushed to explain looking a little red. Stephanie blushed herself. “I don’t know about that. I was definitely a bitch for awhile but I’m trying to be better.” “Yea I can see that.” There was silence for several beats before Stephanie voiced something that’s been bugging her. She made sure not to look at Eddie when she said, “That joke you said to Tommy was killer even if you said it wrong.” “Thanks I got it from some movie. I think you’d like it too.” Stephanie head shot up and she recognized the knowing glint in her eye. How did she? She shook her head it didn’t matter. Eddie always saw her far clearer than others did. They were both grinning like fools sneaking peaks at each other the rest of the way towards the cafe. When they finally arrived Steph didn’t even want to go in. She wanted to stay with Eddie. Much to her delight Eddie seemed reluctant to part ways too. “Listen if you want we could hang out sometime maybe watch the movie I got that awful joke from.” Stephanie felt like screaming for joy but she forced herself to remain composed. “Sure.” She said casually hiking her backpack. Eddie looked around before stepping closer and lowering her voice. “Maybe we can even park sometime?” The look Eddie was giving her sent a thrill through Stephanie. “That’s a great idea I love to park.”

Part 3

[kenny-power]

Johnny cade x winston!reader where dal actually sees how happy reader makes him xox ❤️😘😝😍

How happy

J.C. x Winston!Reader (REQUEST)

Warnings: Language

Fluff, established relationship, word count: 1.8k

A/N - Hi babes! I hope I did this request justice <3 I accidentally made it a lil long, but oh well! Please please please send in requests, I love them!

✨✨✨

If anyone were to ask me to describe my brother, “understanding” and “patient” would not be words I would use. Now, “overprotective” and “irrational”? Those are words I’d use to describe him. 

Dallas Winston cares for only 2 things in his life; his baby sister and Johnny Cade. However, I don’t think he’d appreciate us being together. Which is why we have to sneak around behind his back. Dally just wouldn’t understand. 

So it’s totally not wrong to be climbing out of my window right now, with full intent to meet up with Johnny at the drive-in. Not wrong at all. 

Johnny and I have been dating for a few weeks now, but despite the relationship being new, the concept of us was not. Since high-tailing it out of New York with my brother, me and Johnny got along like fast friends. He was always the one who I went to when my brother did or said something to piss me off (which was often). Whether I was running from the cops or the socs, I knew I could always run to him. Likewise, anytime his folks were giving him a hard time, I’d be there. No matter the time, no matter where I was, I’m there for him. 

He’s been the love of my life since before I even knew what love was. 

And that’s why I just can’t tell Dallas. He wouldn’t understand. To Dally, I’m still the same 10 year-old kid that arrived in Tulsa with him, looking for a new start. Never mind the fact that I’m practically a grown-up now. I can legally drive and everything. Nope, to him, I’m still his kid sister who’s afraid of the dark and always asks for the extra pickle off his plate. 

Sure, life would be easier if I could tell Dal about me and Johnny. For example, I wouldn’t have to climb out of my window like I am right now in order to see Johnny. We would also be able to go on date, all proper-like, without Ponyboy as a chaperone to make it seem less date-y. But I can’t. Not only because Dally would have a conniption fit if he found out, but also because Johnny asked me not to tell. Not until he had at least a little time to work out a possible escape route. And who am I to tell Johnny ‘no’?

So, sneaking around is the only solution. And I’ve gotten pretty good at it, or so I thought. 

~

Johnny and I usually try to go to the drive-in for a date at least every other week. It’s not like we’re obsessed with watching movies, that’s more Pony’s thing, it’s just one of the only things we can do together without being too suspicious. Usually, Pony tags along with us, sitting a couple of seats away to give us at least a little bit of privacy. But Darry wouldn’t let Pony come out with us tonight - something about homework or studying, I don’t know - so tonight is one of the rare times that it’s just me and Johnny. I love nights like this. Nights where we can pretend everyone already knows about us and he can take me out like he wants and I can spoil him like he deserves. But for now, it’s still just pretend. I’m not really sure what movie is playing, some sort of western, but eventually I get tired of sitting around and get up to go get popcorn. 

“Hey doll,” Johnny protests when I untangle my arm from his, “where you going?” 

“Popcorn,” I say before leaning down to kiss his forehead. “Wanna coke?” He smiles back at me, blushing. 

“Thanks baby.” He says. Leaving my coat in my seat, I make my way to the concessions stand. It was one of those nights where it started out warm but eventually got pretty cold. So, I brought a jacket just in case. 

The concessions line wasn’t too long, but it was still several minutes before I started to make my way back to ours seats. However, I quickly ducked behind a trash can when I saw my big brother making his way towards Johnny and the empty seat next to him. The seat that still had my coat on it. Well, shit. 

~

Johnny was sitting quietly in his seat, waiting for you to come back. This was his favorite kind of night - one where it was just you and him. Where you guys could just be a couple, without the fear of what your big brother would do. Now, don’t get him wrong, Johnny respects the hell out of your brother. How could he not? Dallas is the toughest greaser around who’s willing to do anything to protect his kid sister, even if that means thrashin’ someone who get a little too close to her. And that scares the hell out of him. 

It’s not like he wants to keep his relationship with you a secret. There’s just never a good enough time to bring it up. What’s he gonna do, waltz up to Dally and say “Oh, by the way, I’m madly in love with your sister and plan on marrying her one day.” Johnny doesn’t think he could even try to run fast enough to escape Dally’s wrath after saying something like that. 

But, if Johnny knows one thing, he knows that he loves you. More than life itself. He loves you so much that he’s willing to face the devil called Dally if that means you could be his forever. He’s just gotta work up the nerve to talk to Dallas. 

As if God (or the devil, depending on how you look at it) was listening to his inner thoughts, a heavy hand came down on his shoulder - shaking him from his reverie. 

“Johnnycakes! What a surprise, man. Didn’t think I’d see you here. I thought Pony couldn’t come out tonight?” Johnny nervously lifted his eyes and made saw the very person he was thinking about. Dallas. Well, shit. 

He cleared his throat nervously.

“H-Hey, Dal. What’re you doin’ here?” His was dry, the words sticking to the inside of his mouth. Dally scanned the crowd of other movie-goers before responding. 

“I’m lookin’ for my sister. Apparently she didn’t think she needed to tell me where she was tonight. So’s, I’m just lookin’ in all the usual places. Have you seen her-” Dally paused, clocking what was obviously his sister’s jacket in the seat next to Johnny. “Hey, man! Are you on a date?” Dal clapped Johnny on the shoulder appreciatively. “So, who’s the lucky broad? Where’s she at? Anyone I know?” He started scanning the crowd again, trying to find you. 

Johnny laughed nervously, “I guess you could say that.” He too began looking around, to warn you. 

Dal stopped looking around and peered at Johnny’s face, which he was sure was as red as a tomato by now. “Whaddya mean by that? You guess?” He squinted at him. “It’s not Sylvia is it? I told her me and Steve’d beat the tar outta her if she was sniffing around you again.”

“No, no!” Johnny said, a little too loudly. “It’s not Sylvia. Swear it, I wouldn’t ever mess with her.”

“Well, spit it out man. Why’re you bein’ so secretive?” Dallas leaned in closer to Johnny, fighting to keep the grin off of his face. 

~

I watch from behind the trashcan as my older brother starts to get in Johnny’s face. Not good, not good at all. So far, there hasn’t been any yelling or signs of anger from Dal, but knowing him, it was only a matter of time. 

Staring intently at the pair, I wait to make my move. (Whether that be high-tailing it out of there or going to rescue Johnny, I’m not sure yet.) Then, I make eye contact with Johnny and see him give a tiny nod. Guess that means it’s time to fess up. Taking a deep breath, I steel myself for the incoming conversation. This probably wasn’t going to be pretty. 

I walked up to the boys, carrying a popcorn and coke, trying to smile brightly (but it probably looks more like a grimace). 

“Hiya, Dallas. What’s new?” At the sound of my voice, Dal whips around and glowers at me. 

“Don’t give me that, you little shit. You snuck out. I’ve had enough with chasing you around town to make sure you don’t get killed or some shit like that.” Staring back at him, I don’t say anything. Instead, I move around him, put the food down, pick up my jacket from the seat, and sit down. Then, just because I could, I grabbed Johnny’s arm and put it around me. Not breaking eye contact with my brother the whole time. Johnny was tense beside me.

He clocked my intentions instantly. The bad part about growing up with him is that he is almost always able to read me to a T. 

“So,” he started, tensely, “so this is why you sneak out all the time? To hang out with Johnny without telling me? What, do you think I’m stupid, or something?” His voice was getting louder, anger increasing. Oh no. Maybe I shouldn’t have acted like that. “You’re an idiot, you know that?” That caught me off guard.

“Me?” I scoffed, incredulously. “Why am I an idiot?” Dal chuckled.

“You really think I wouldn’t notice my kid sister acting as if she was in love or something? Baby, I think I could pinpoint the exact moment you two started going steady.” I paled. Apparently I’m not as good of an actor as I initially thought.

“Are you mad at me, Dallas?” I asked quietly, looking up at him through my lashes.

“Aw, hell kid.” He sighed. “No, I’m not mad. I just wish you woulda told me. I can see how happy he makes you” He turned a pointed finger to Johnny, who was quiet and pale this whole time. “You. Have her home right after, no messing around, got it?” Johnny nodded.

“Ye-yes, I got it.” Dal smirked, satisfied. Reaching into his pocket, he fished out 5 bucks and handed it to Johnny. 

“Take her somewhere to eat after. Then, get some sleep. Cause in the morning, you and me are gonna have a talk.” Then, he turned to leave. I jumped up out of my seat.

“Dallas!” He stopped and turned back to me. I gave him a hug. “Thank you.” He ruffled my hair.

“Yeah, whatever kid. Go back to your boyfriend.” Pushing me off of him, he left. I made my way back to my seat. 

“I guess that wasn’t as painful as it could have been.” I said, tucking myself back under Johnny’s arm. 

“Yeah, that’s what you say. I’m the one who has to talk to him tomorrow.” I giggled and pecked him on the cheek.

“Oh my poor baby boy.” He blushed, but turned his head to face me. 

“You missed,” he whispered, and leaned his head in to kiss me deeply on the lips. 

[noficbyhalves]

Have some "Kadar is thoroughly Done with these two even from beyond the grave":

"Hey! Altair!" called a familiar voice.

He froze, turned. Leaning out of a traincar door was Kadar, waving furiously at him. He was smaller than Altair remembered, but somehow whole and hale. The only way that could be real was if- if he-

Fuck.

"I'm dead, aren't I," were the first words out of his mouth as he walked closer.

"Hello to you too, I've been lovely thanks," Kadar said dryly. The mannerism was achingly familiar, but when Altair tried to remember from what his head only pounded.

"Hi Kadar," he sighed. "Am I dead?"

"Eh, kind of?" Kadar made a so-so gesture. "You're about halfway there. Something about blood ties making curses rebound? Don't ask me, I'm just the messenger."

He had heard all this before, it was on the tip of his tongue. He died because of his grandfather, because of the war, but Altair knew there was something else, something so very important. Why couldn't he remember? Why did the inside of his skull feel so battered? "You're the messenger of... death?"

Kadar laughed. "Not for everyone, silly. It's more of a 'the universe shows you someone you trust to guide you' kind of situation."

And the universe had decided the best guide Altair could hope for was a scrawny fourteen-year-old. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

[...]

"You've got two options. You could go back to life and all its complicated bits," Kadar gestured vaguely at the nebulousness behind him on the platform. "Or, you can get on the train and just... let go."

"Give up?"

Kadar's expression was terribly sad. "No one's going to judge you if you want some peace, Altair. You've done plenty, if that's what you're worried about."

Altair couldn't meet his eyes. When put like that, it made perfect sense... and yet. He started walking towards the train. Maybe peace wouldn't be so bad. Kadar was here, he could see Rauf again, he could meet his parents...

Then why was his heart hammering in his chest? Why did he feel sick looking at the train?

Kadar was holding out his hand. Altair lifted his left hand to reach him, glanced down at his fingers.

...his... four fingers.

He had four fingers on that hand, because...

The pain in his head reached a fever pitch. His vision was swimming.

Because of his grandfather, because of the brand on his arm, because because because-

This is perfectly safe and I'm a fucking genius.

Altair sucked in a gasp (had he breathed at all since he opened his eyes?) and jerked his hand back. There was a phantom sensation of a hand on his jaw (only the one), a voice echoing in his ears (wake up you have to Altair please). Kadar smiled, and for once it looked real.

"I can't," Altair croaked.

"I figured. You two sort your shit out yet?"

Altair had no idea how to answer that, even if he could get enough air in his lungs. He stumbled backward, away from the train.

Kadar sighed. "Nevermind. Don't suppose you can pass a message along?"

"Will I remember this... after?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. It's usually more of a one-way situation."

Right. But Altair's wasn't because of blood magic or something. The rules of magic really were bullshit. If he remembered this enough to share, Malik would have a conniption. Altair nodded, "I'll try."

"Tell him I love him, and it's not his fault either."

Altair gaped. "How-"

"I've known him my whole life, and I'm not an idiot?"

The laugh bubbling out of his throat was edging on hysterical. "I- yeah, yeah okay." He turned away, towards the unnerving blankness on the other side of the platform. "How do I-?"

When he glanced over his shoulder, Kadar gave him the world's most exaggerated shrug. Truly unhelpful.

Nothing for it but to do it. Altair shut his eyes and walked into the fog.

[theoverlyenthusiasticwriter]

Howl

This is the moment that Azriel and Fenrys fall in love with each other. Well, maybe not the moment, but the realization.

*****

Mor sighed obnoxiously as she collapsed in her seat. “Did somebody curse me or something? What the fuck is going on?”

Fenry popped an olive into his mouth, grinning. “Tough break?”

“Gah. I’m practically being ignored.” Mor groaned, dropping her head onto the table.

“Oh dear, Fen, what have you done to Mor?” Cassian asked as he slid into the seat beside Mor.

Azriel took the seat across from him and beside Fenrys, passing out the new round of drinks he’d collected.

“Apparently, everyone’s too busy staring at my beautiful face to look at hers.” Fenrys sighed piteously.

“I even tried flirting!” Mor cried. “Do you know how bad I am at flirting?” 

Cassian rolled his eyes. “It’s not that hard.”

“Really? I doubt you even know how to— girls just throw themselves at you.”

“Of course I know how. Watch and learn.”’ Cassian slid closer to her and wrapped a lock of her golden hair around his fingers. His voice lowered. “You busy tonight, princess?”

Mor burst into laughter while Azriel snorted loudly. He was drunk, Fenrys could tell. There was a slight flush to his cheeks, and he’d swayed a bit when he set down their drinks.

“Got something to add, shadowsinger?” Cassian crooned.

“There’s no way that would work.” Azriel sat back, gesturing to Mor. “Look at her. She’s not even blushing.”

“Like you could do any better.”

“Watch and learn, brother,” Azriel purred before turning to Fenrys.

He put a hand on Fenrys’ thigh, dangerously high, and leaned in, brushing a lock of hair behind his ear so he could whisper, “Leave your door unlocked.”

All thoughts flew from Fenrys’ head as he blanched, cheeks aflame. He’d never… Nobody had ever…

Azriel chuckled softly as he withdrew, throwing Cassian a smug look. “That’s how it’s done.”

Fenrys’ tried to control his face and failed, epically. 

Across from him, Mor laughed. “Oh, Azzy! I think you broke him. He’s blushing like a virgin.” 

Fenrys put his elbows on the table so he could bury his head in his hands, mortified by his own reaction. Az was just joking, for gods’ sake. 

Azriel patted his shoulder, which wasn’t very comforting at all. “That’s how you know it worked,” he told Mor and Cassian.

“Don’t tease the poor guy like that. Look. He’s about to have a conniption.” Cassian pushed Fenrys’ drink into his line of sight, which he greedily accepted.

Azriel slung an arm over the back of Fenrys’ chair as conversation moved on. 

Cassian jerked his chin to the bar. “Why don’t you show us in the field, Az? For all we know, Fenny could just have a crush on you.”

Azriel chuckled again as Fenrys choked on his drink. He tilted his head, eyeing the brunette Cassian had indicated. Fenrys’ gaze was drawn to the hard line of his jaw as Azriel leaned closer. The movement pushed his side into Fenrys’ shoulder, warming him. “Not my type.”

“Right,” Mor purred. “You’ve got a thing for blonds. Two seats down, in the black dress.”

“I do not have a thing for blonds. Also, she came in with someone.” 

Cassian elbowed Mor, wiggling his brows. “He’s been watching her, then.”

“I’ve been watching everybody.” Azriel’s fingers danced absently over Fenrys’ shoulder. “Or have you forgotten my job description?”

“Oh, come on, Az. Indulge us.” Mor propped her elbows on the table, pouting. “We all know you haven’t taken anyone home in months. That is, unless someone is waiting for you there…”

“Stop digging, Mor,” said Azriel, his voice lowering a fraction.

“Ha!” Mor slammed her hand on the table. “I knew it! Fen, you owe me ten marks.”

Azriel looked offended. “Fenrys, you’ve joined in their shenanigans?”

Fenrys sheepishly handed over the money. “You never talk about your lovers, and if you’re getting all pissy over the mention of one, that means…”

“I don’t have one.”

Fenrys snatched his coins back from Mor. “Pay up. Both of you. I told you I could get him to admit it.”

“Goddamnit.” Cassian dug around in his pockets. 

Azriel sighed. “Why are you all so invested in my love life?”

“Because it’s so damned boring,” Mor groused. “How long has it been since you got laid, huh? With how bitchy you’ve been, I suspect a month at least.”

“I thought he was normally like this,” Fenrys said around a grin. “There’s some other state beyond absolute grouch?” 

“There's a slightly more tolerable grouch.” Cassian sipped his drink. 

Azriel rolled his eyes. 

Fenrys, who relished any reaction whatsoever from the shadowsinger, couldn’t help but feel a glimmer of triumph.

Triumph, and something else.

*****

Conversation moved on. Azriel was only half-paying attention. He blamed it on the alcohol, but the real culprit may have been Fenrys, laughing at his side. He looked more handsome when he was happy, Azriel thought.

They left an hour later. They still had to train tonight, Azriel had reminded Fenrys when he grumbled about leaving. 

As they flew, Fenrys pointed to the mountain peak. “Can we go there?” he shouted over the wind.

Azriel glanced at him, but shrugged. A new terrain wouldn’t hurt. A few minutes later, they landed on the very tip of the mountain.

Fenrys grinned, looking out over the city.

“Why here?” Azriel asked from a few paces away. 

“I don’t know.” Fenrys went to the very edge. “Do you ever just want to scream?”

“What?” Azriel came to his side, close enough to grab him if he tumbled.

“Like, just… let it out, you know? Just scream.” Fenrys gazed out at the city. “I guess you’ve never had a desire to be loud. It would be against your dark and mysterious nature.”

Azriel snorted. He had the desire to be loud, to scream and cry and rage, but those were emotions better suited to a saner man. He wasn’t sure if he started yelling that he’d be able to stop.

Fenrys blinked at him. “I don’t think you really get it. Shall I demonstrate?”

Azriel waved a hand. “Go ahead.”

Fenrys tipped his chin to the sky, drew in a deep breath, and roared.

The sound was instantly swallowed up by the wind, torn from Fenrys’ throat. It didn’t sound like anguish or rage or any good reason to be roaring. It was just… sound for the sake of sound.

The last notes vanished as quickly as they appeared. Fenrys turned to Azriel, his cheeks flushed with more than the alcohol. “See?”

“Does that make you feel better?” Azriel asked, honestly curious.

“More than you’d expect. Try it.”

Azriel shook his head. “I think I’m good.”

“Come on.” Fenrys poked him in the ribs. “It’s not going to hurt anything.”

“There’s no point.”

“And does everything you do have to have a purpose? What kind of life is that?”

Azriel crossed his arms over his chest and said pathetically, “Ahhhh.”

Fenrys laughed. “Gods. That’s going to live forever in my mind. Not like that. Like… like a howl.”

“Not everyone is half wolf,” Azriel reminded him.

“Hey, the wolves got this one right. I promise.” Just to show off, Fenrys tilted his face back to the moon and howl, low and loud. This one was different: the haunting bay of an animal rather than the pure emotion of a man.

Azriel couldn’t help but be transfixed.

Fenrys’ eyes opened, as dark and depthless as the earth itself. “What?” he asked.

Azriel shook his head. “Fine.”

Fenrys waited.

Rolling his eyes, Azriel tried not to feel a little shy. He hesitated, then turned away from Fenrys, hands fisted at his side. He didn’t close his eyes like Fenrys and let out a shout like thunder. 

The shadows went wild, leaping and quivering, almost as if they were surprised. They licked into the air, devouring the sound almost as quickly as the wind did. 

Azriel opened his eyes wide, a hand going to his throat, where the shout had died. And it… it felt good. He felt almost… lighter? That wasn’t the right word. Some things can’t be described by words.

Fenrys chuckled. “How was it?”

“It…” Azriel’s gaze slid to Fenrys’ mouth without his permission. He wanted to consume that grin and all the noice that came from it. Wanted to eat Fenrys alive. “It’s cathartic.”

“It is.” Fenrys sat down on the very edge of the mountain, feet dangling, completely unaware of where Azriel’s thoughts had turned. It was a long few moments before Azriel sat beside him.

“How often do you do this?” 

Fenrys tilted his head. “Not as often as I’d like to. It’s hard to find places where you can just scream.”

Azriel’s wings splayed out behind him, curling protectively around Fenrys’ shoulders. The lights of Velaris were a night sky themselves, as breath taking as the first time he’d seen them.

Fenrys leaned against Azriel’s shoulder and yawned. “Do we really have to train today?”

“No,” Azriel said quietly. For his mind was still catching up, still trying to explain the haunting image that had scorched the inside of his brain:

A boy, eyes closed, head back, howling to a moon that was not his own.

[strawberrystepmom]

so how do you explain nudes to sanemi in the isekai au? 👁️

i feel like it happens the first time i explain the concept of smartphones to him because he asks me what people would even do with something like that in their pocket. i'm like "well, they call their family and friends from anywhere. search for information. take and send photos to people."

and ofc curious george over here is like "what kind of photos?" and im like "hmm. sometimes of their food or where they're at. sometimes of themselves, their faces or their bodies. sometimes nude, that was a really popular thing in my time."

and when i tell you his ass sits up in bed like "what do you mean sending nude pictures to others. did you do that?" with a whole ass vein bulging next to his eye. i mean this is man who almost had a conniption when they gave me the standard female hashira uniform to wear, he isn't in the mood to imagine another man viewing my nipples LMFAOJFOLSDJFSKDJF

so i'm like "honestly, no. i've always been pretty selective about who sees my full body." bc it's true. i am and always have been. cleav and legs are one thing. and then i'm like "why are you being a prude? you run around with your entire chest showing just because you can!"

and then we go back and forth and grumble at each other and he's like "you really didn't send them to anybody?" and i'm like "nope. honest to god. was never a fan of it." and then he's like "well what else did you do with phones?"

and that's when i tell him about pornhub and he tells me he's going to bed and rolls over <333