#Sorry for all the slang references I had to

[oasatelematics]

the secret actually good "they both die at the end" that lives in my head

[moralesmilesanhour]

pretty

hobie x reader

summary: you wake up with a nasty hangover. you know the rest.

wc: ~500

A/N: if I'm using UK slang wrong pls beat my ass about it I tried 💀

Edit: made minor edits bc I did, in fact, use UK slang wrong 👍🏾

The light from the morning sun bounces off of the peeling white paint on the surrounding walls of the tiny apartment, forcing you to open your eyes. You squint as they adjust; It feels like someone is currently inside your head and repeatedly taking a sledgehammer to your skull.

The familiar cracked corners of the ceiling tell you that you're at Hobie's place. You grunt as you lift yourself into a sitting position, which doesn't help the headache.

What does, though, is the smell of cinnamon and cornmeal wafting beneath your nose from the kitchen. The sudden rumbling in your stomach makes you curious enough to swing your legs off of the couch and rise to your feet.

Bad idea.

Hobie enters the room just as you stumble backwards onto the couch, and barely holds back a loud cackle so that he doesn't drop the two bowls of porridge he'd just made.

You don't see it, of course, because the ceiling is currently spinning.

"Not so fun dealing with those fourteen shots the morning after, eh?"

Hobie's diamond-shaped face came into view, his wicks sticking out from every direction like the halos in those medieval paintings he liked to make fun of. He'd replaced his vest and usual get-up with a white tank top.

You groan, "How long was I out?"

" 'Bout twelve hours,"

Hobie set the two bowls down on the coffee table in front of you. "Had to call a cab just to get you here all in one piece."

You finally look down once you feel the couch sink next to you. He smells of hard soap and nutmeg.

"You cook?"

He shrugs, picking up his bowl and shoveling the contents into his mouth. He nods, deeming his work satisfactory.

"From time to time," he glances at you from the corner of his eye. "You don't get over a hangover on an empty stomach, yeah?"

He chuckles when you immediately grab your bowl without a word, and soon begin to absolutely destroy it.

Just as Hobie said, the hammering has begun to subside by the time you scrape the last bit of golden liquid from the bowl. He still has yet to finish his own meal, so you watch him.

You silently admire the way his lashes almost brush his cheek when his eyes are downcast. The sunrise reflected off of mahogany-smooth skin, and you envy how he did almost nothing to it to get it that way.

"You're pretty," you think out loud, and Hobie nearly chokes on his porridge before his head snaps to face you.

"S-sorry, who?"

Your brows shoot up on surprise momentarily, unaware that he'd actually heard you. There was no one else you could have possibly been referring to, giving you no choice but to double down.

You laugh nervously, “Well, you are.”

His full lips quirked up at the corners, as if he was trying to figure out if this was a bit or not. But you kept staring at him, no joke in your expression.

“Yeah, I think you’re still hammered, man.”

[riksaes]

Hii I'm not sure if you've written this but could you do the perks of dating enhypen? Like what type of boyfriend they are, cute things they etc!!

enhypen as your boyfriend ₊˚⊹ᡣ𐭩

fluff , soft : idol au : clingy bf

rq for any kpop groups 🤍

masterlist

a/n: this is so cute!! I love this sm thank you for requesting!! hopefully this is up to your standards 🐈 sorry if there’s mistakes im just tired 😴

heeseung | 희승

as a boyfriend he would be putting you first 100% of the time. always caring for you when times are bad which is literally likewise for you to him. he’s open to pda but if you don’t feel comfortable he’s totally okay with it. due to both of you being an idol, you had to hide the relationship for quite a while. how your relationship got rumoured was after seeing him appear in your group’s documentary on netflix. which his agency came out saying you guys were dating and for quite a while blah blah blah. he’s so happy he gets to post photos of you on his main account on insta now and would totally flex you. during your period he’s the type of man to go “what’s size is your pad?”. he’s definitely cute and loving throughout the relationship

read more under the cut!

jay | 제이

jay is the type of boyfriend to make songs about you and release them anonymously on twitter. everyone finds out after one of them blowing up and realising it was jay. but also because he played the tune during a weverse live. I feel like if you guys were out in disguise he would hold the belt loop on your jeans when standing next you. definitely cooks for you when the members are out of the dorm. would definitely refer riki as his kid half the time which made him your adopted kid and just went with it. he’s the type of guy to known your coffee order off by heart. “yeah can I get a caramel grappucino and a _______”. LIKE AHHHH!! he loves to hug you out of nowhere and kiss your forehead during this process sometimes, this could last for a good ten minutes.

jake | 심재윤

jake is a golden retriever boyfriend like there’s no complaints or anything. he’s such a happy boyfie and literally your number one cheerleader with everything you do. because he’s australian he teaches you all the slangs so when he takes you, you’ll know everything. I bet he takes you to karaoke and sings a solo but at the start says “THIS ONE IS FOR YOU BABY”. this man is up for anything like you want to bake a cake he’s helping you out, you wanna build lego he’s already ready sitting at the table. because you both are in the kpop industry that means you both have to go by the rules (you don’t) to not get caught. that doesn’t end up well because you both were found in a connivence store eating together and lots of pda. he LOVES pda and showing you off so expect a lot but if it is a lot he’ll tone it down (he won’t it’ll only last a day). the reason you guys came out as a couple was because jake was going to send a selfie of him onto weverse but instead it was a photo of both you and him. he realised and quickly deleted then posting the right one then trying to gaslight fans with “no you guys must of been dreaming” if they asked what was going on with the first picture. eventually it gets posted that you both are happy with each other

sunghoon | 박성훈

sunghoon is literally a pinterest boyfriend you would find if you looked up boyfriend. definitely is a bit scandalous with the paparazzi with you but definitely makes sure nothing goes out for your safety and well-being. teaches how to ice skate so you both can hang out a lot at the ice rink. I feel the reason why you guys were rumoured at first was because of koreaboo for no reason. it was a couple that looked like you but wasn’t due to you both being on tour in a WHOLE different country. which caused a lot of confusion for fans and the agencies involved. but then they came out saying you both were in a relationship and happy which caused you both being the top # for the week. he’s the type of boyfriend to spoil you to do your nails and you end up showing on weverse. “guys look I got my nails done bc of my boyfie spoiling me :3” LIKE CUTE CUTE CUTE!! I feel like there would be a anonymous account on youtube that arises from the first video which is just a camera vlog of you both randomly. he’s the type of guy to hold the your back in crowded places or just randomly kiss your shoulder when hugging the back of you in public. but he loves u heaps and would literally die for u

sunoo | 선우

sunoo and you were definitely were alike; soft, cute and lazy. I feel like you both were already friends from your group being in eno-clock videos but then got closer without anyone knowing. I feel like both groups would find out easily because of both of you. After a tiktok challenge both of you did to sponsor each others comeback albums people would point out on how sunoo would look at you differently at the end of the dance or during it compared to others he’s done with. I have a feeling sunoo would just post a photo of you both then leave the public eye for weeks. which obviously everyone realised you both were in a relationship. definitely the boyfriend to call you every night and talk for hours to the point it was like 3am. definitely hypes your group up during award shows which everyone calls the relationship cute and definitely wholesome. he’s the type to buy something you recommend and then ends up recommending it to engenes. “oh I would definitely recommend this because y/nie told me to get it and it’s really good!! 10/10 would get!” like how cuteeee!!!

jungwon | 정원

because jungwon was the leader of enhypen he wasn’t allowed to get in heaps of scandals. but the cute cat he is you guys definitely get in a relationship all because you said on weverse live that your type was boys were who remind you of cats. this is because you own a brown cat called sizzle. the reason why you guys got caught dating was definitely after you guys were found at a cat cafe near your agency. it was obvious it was a date but a lot of people defended you guys saying it was a enhypen vlog episode which eventually had to come out earlier due to the rumours. jungwon loves to hype you up in anyway which was caught on camera as well. I feel like you guys got caught a lot and people brushed it off because you both were close friends but I think there would be a statement coming from both agencies on a random day saying you both are dating. this blows up on tiktok, twitter, weverse and literally every platform. he loves to give big sloppy kisses on the cheek to annoy you but I feel like he would also be the type of person to stop and take a photo of a stray cat and send it to you. “baby look I saw a cat that looks like sizzle in ___!!” he such a cutie patootie : (

ni-ki | 니키

if both cat and a dog (TXT MENTION RAHHHH) were in the same room that’s literally the definition of both of you. ni-ki being the quiet cat and you the golden retriever. you both were known for being the youngest of your group but also the best dancer. you both were friends from training together back years ago but both lost contact during your way to the kpop industry. ni-ki even states that he was friends with a female idol who’s a year younger but lost contact which he wished didn’t happen because of how close you both were. after he said this everyone would try and figure it out until they realised it was you. a year younger, from the same training industry, same style, best dancer of your group but different personalities. this gets taken to koreaboo stating why it was you and different things. you both get caught out shopping in shops looking for certain items. I think as time passes by you both get together and just saying it both on a weverse live or at least one of you popping in one of them. it was obvious but cute in a way because of the backlash ni-ki gets for no reason with other girl idols which can come to a stop. he’s the type of boyfriend to let you play with his hair and choose the type of earrings he wears daily. he also definitely facetimes you every night just to do a face and say goodnight. “night ig.. 😛” LOL but deeply adores you in a way and gives a certain look whenever your up on stage for the new comeback.

[eepy-evie]

Twisted Wonderland Senior Headcanons

A/N: i am very tired as i write this, BIBI is saving my life force. I just got screamed at by my mom but the fans (no one) can’t wait 😎. Im sorry Lilia’s is kind of short, im pretty high and have been pushing this off for days.

Contents: Various non romantic headcanons for the seniors in TWST

Trigger warnings (if any): Religion mentions (Trey’s + Leona’s + Vil’s + Rook’s + Idia’s part), eating disorders (Vil’s part), stalking mentions (Rook’s part… no surprise), minor adult themes (idia’s part)

Trey Clover

I might have this feeling only because i also bake but he has beef with multiple people about bread.

Like i mean people spreading misinformation (NO YOU DO NOT NEED TO ADD SUGAR INTO BREAD, IT DOESN’T DO MUCH)

Besides my personal beef with ig bakers…

He doesn’t listen to music, lofi background stuff at best.

He’d listen to anything someone put on with no complaint but he doesn’t feel the need for music for mundane things

With his obsession with brushing teeth i feel like he loves mint

Like i mean spearmint gum constantly, mint chocolate chip ice cream, idk mint leaves in drinks?

Bro can not understand if someone else doesn’t like mint

I believe he is an Atheist living in a Christian household

Its probably brought up rarely but he just doesn’t really believe that saying grace before dinner does anything

I think he’s way too empathetic for his own good, i mean like excusing lots of harmful things due to how someone was raised

(Totally didn’t mean to refer to Riddle but whatevs)

Cater Diamond

Get this man into kpop NOW

I feel he is rivaling Idia with his, honestly abusive, amount of slang

I dont think anyone who isn’t chronically online could stand to hear his thoughts

Or who isn’t insanely mentally unstable

But he pulls shit like “she=onika ate=burgers” every single chance he gets

Which i wont blame him for that, i pull medieval slang every second i can too

He loves brittany broski with his whole heart and soul

Not only is she funny as hell but she can also be very serious in a blink of an eye

On the low he enjoys those insider videos

He likes watching them and pausing them to argue the point to no one

Going back to kpop briefly…

He loves Aespa

Do i know any of the members of Aespa to tell you my assumed bias? No.

Also loves Zerobaseone

Ricky bias

Although i may be biased (oh my a silly pun, you scoundrel)

I do believe that he is a funny person but he is very repressed

I dont mean to make this a whole angst post but he genuinely doesn’t understand how he can express it

He is very sensitive to rejection so i think that leads him to extreme lengths to be liked

And I’m not just talking about how he acts a certain way to please others

I mean a deep rooted guilt for not being what someone wanted

Leona Kingscholar

…all my headcanons for him are purely how I’d personally treat him

Someone get this man a mukbang video and a comfy bed

He barely listens to music but when he does its some rnb stuff

He doesnt care for stuff thats too loud but he does like soft music even if he isnt open about it

I need to make him see nekomimi switch, twitter.gov, and anything else that has catgirls/boys so i can see his reaction

I dont think he holds many physical attributes to lions besides the ears, tail, and teeth but he most definitely holds many reactions and other stuff

Like he is literally sleeping in a garden most the time

He has long(er) nails and hates cutting them

Erm… idk man

I think he had a big Religious breakdown in his childhood

I dont really know what Religion he’d be to start with(due to my lack of knowledge of Religion in Africa) but he’d have the whole moment of betrayal

And then he’s completely Atheist for the rest of his life

Vil Schoenheit

He has a side account where he responds to all his hate comments

For music taste… hear me out…

He likes, on the low, vkei

But no metal like kaneto juusei or gulu gulu I mean malice mizer

He enjoys the instrumental along with the twists they take on classical

Moi meme motie x Vil Schoenheit collab when???

He 100% doesn’t express it though, he tells the public he likes whatever’s popular

I feel like, this may or may not be me projecting, he’s a hellenist

Obviously worshipping Aphrodite and has an altar for her which he never publicly speaks of but is not hiding

heres a bit of TW for eds + that type of stuff

I feel like he has an extremely bad relationship with food

He doesnt see it as something to nourish your body but instead a sort of numbers game

Like with a limit of however much someone says and the whole game is to stay under that number in calories

Besides that i feel he’s very orthorexic to the point he’d refuse to eat something if it looked too “bad” to him

(End of tw)

I know he has a very argued gender identity but i dont think he’s too confused by it

He’s very firm that he is who he is and he never seemed to have much of an inside problem with it

Maybe he got poked fun at a few times but thats all his problems with it

Rook Hunt

Get this man away from me

He is in many fandoms and somehow knows everything going on all the time

Bro personally took down Nayeon’s stalker by himself

But seriously i dont think his intentions are bad, i think he is just trying to be on top of everything in the worst was possible

He doesn’t really think its creepy himself but most the time he is

He is also a Hellenist who worships Aphrodite but also Artemis

He is so very open about his Religion

He makes those hopecore videos on tiktok and has amassed 10k followers but no one knows its him

Yearns to be in the south/midwest for the scenery

Just yearns in general

Bro is single handedly bringing back male yearning and being chalant

Saw bridgerton as a normal tuesday for him

1000 hours on c.ai

I will not, and should not, elaborate.

Is that projecting? Yes. Do i care? No.

He has the longest and some how most effective body/skincare routine ever

I mean like he’d do some shit like “once in a blue moon bath in pure hyaluronic acid for 2.5 hours on the dot”

He loves absolutely everything on everyone and its to a detriment to me personally

Hooked nose? Loved. Chubby? Love. Literally anything unconventional? Consider yourself yearned for.

He listens to anything and everything

Although he cant stand songs about break ups or anything to do with hate

Put this man on “doughnut” by TWICE now.

Idia Shroud

Yes… give me this nerdy man…

He 100% (mostly canon) loves jpop idols

Prolly an akb48 stan

I cant even get started on everything he likes

But i can tell y’all 100% that he is not overly flirty or overly easy to fluster

Istg all i see is either big dom idia or uwu shy boy idia

And both are wrong (in my opinion ig)

He starts arguments about anything and everything in game chats

Because he’s grown up in this big company family he was forced to appear better that how he truly acts so i believe that would also entail with being a die hard hellenist

But without any spotlights he does care, he just likes his games and anime

Speaking of anime…

He loves shoujo, he’s in hiding though

He literally wants to be sawako from “from me to you” but will never say it

Somebody come get this man

If anyone asks he just loves Naruto and One Piece

But we know the truth…

Istg he plays an absurd amount of eroges for the plot

He’s depraved on twitter

Two accounts, one for public image and the other for the unspeakable

Do NOT let him find any dating advice on there cause he will take it and act like a fool

He loves breakcore music and anime intros and thats about it

Besides his jpop idols

I dont think he like kpop, for some reason he just has a grudge against some fans

A little self insert but he 100% has autism (as we all know…) but he also has arfid

For those who dont know… arfid is “avoidant restrictive food intake disorder” which is like you are a very picky eater

He aint struggling with it, he succeeding (LYING)

Malleus Draconia

Get this man a cat or some shit like that

Can someone please make him watch all of aphmau Minecraft diaries and then twilight back to back

This strange individual has that man from the notebook shaking in fear

Bros a hopeful romantic

Randomly says inspiration quotes that you cant find anywhere online

It just came from his heart

He only listens to classical songs he knows how to play

Though i’d doubt if you showed him something he’d dislike it

Bros the yearner

I showed up to the yearning contest and went into anaphylactic shock at the sight of him there

He has honestly researched every single religion for fun

Highlight god damn bible verses for no reason

He needs to make an iceberg of every single religion and why they are good/bad

I just know he has an insane knowledge of lore in any book he’s ever read

Please make him watch smiling friends

You’d have to pause every 5 seconds so he can process it

You could make him do anything tbh, just be like “you should come watch *whatever it is* with me” and bro is outside your door

For shame with the amazing attention towards practically anyone who shows anything besides fear or hatred comes the fact he is unaware of most modern things

He has a tamagotchi and thats it man, get him a 3ds at least

He cant use a phone, cant use a computer, and barely understands the concept of social media

But at least he has the spirit to learn

Lilia Vanrouge

Do i even put him as a senior?

Bro is pushing some mystical number that no one knows

He’s like one of those grandmas that never mention their age and whenever its brought up all they say is “never ask a woman her age”

… perchance a bit controversial but i think he’s bad at cooking on purpose

Ain’t no way someone fucks up cooking THAT bad

I think he really likes horror games

And i dont mean those shitty mascot horrors like poppys playtime

I mean fatal frame, faith, and visage type shit

He listens to breakcore too

I dont make the rules

Hes a gamer grandpa so he either has to have pretty good taste in games/music or the absolute worst

HE’D LOVE GULU GULU AND VKEI

Hes practically already mana sama

Hes got all the moi meme motie dresses

Get grandpa off taobao NOW

I want my nyanya madoka dress, and i will not be stopped by some twinkish old man.

[hardwareabstractionlayer]

(the post editor malfunctioned and after a series of unfortunate events the original ask post is gone, so I had to make this screenshot mockup of the ask, sorry)

Thank you for prodding me to finish up a draft that's been sitting there for an inexplicably long time.

I will divide puns into exact homophones, which are pronounced exactly the same, and near homophones, which consist of the same phonemes with different tones. Though exact homophones are much punnier in speech, Internet jokes rely heavily upon text input and most people use phonetic-based Chinese input systems, meaning their autocompletes will often suggest near homophones and people will use them if they're funny enough.

To make this slightly statistically sound and not just me making up random puns, I grabbed 700k viewer comments from the years NiF was available on Youku, 2015 to 2020 (courtesy of danmu box). These danmu/弹幕 comments are timed to a particular moment in the show so they splash across the screen while you watch.

Let's start with the heavy hitters:

Xie Yu/谢玉 is an exact homophone of xièyù/泄欲, literally discharging desire, which means satisfying one’s lust or orgasming. Xie Yu's name occurs 5000+ times in the comments versus almost 900 orgasms.

Prince Yu/誉王 is an exact homophone of yùwáng/欲王, meaning prince of lust, and a near homophone, of yùwàng/欲望, which means desire (or the chaotic evil penis). The latter is far more likely to be autocompleted and shows up 1500+ times versus 200+ for the prince of lust.

Yùjīn/豫津 is a near homophone of yùjìn, 欲禁, or forbidden lust/abstinence. Because bath towel/浴巾 is an exact homophone and again far more likely to come up first in autocomplete, people overwhelmingly refer to him as the towel. In the comments, bath towel is used nearly 7000 times, 10x more frequently than his actual name, which is made up of two not-super-common characters.

Mei Changsu is often addressed as Su-xiong/苏兄 by Jingrui and Yujin in canon, which is an exact homophone of sūxiōng/酥胸, a literary term for supple and beautiful breasts that might have the same old-fashioned connotation as heaving bosom does in English. I'm going to call him gorgeous tits because he does bear a striking resemblance to the azure tit:

I've seen Chinese MCS fans note this resemblance before, but these birds don't have titillating names in Chinese so you can have this bonus joke for English speakers. Anyways, gorgeous tits are invoked in nearly 6000 comments versus almost 1200 for Su-xiong itself.

Now you can enjoy one of the comments from the above screenshot exclaiming over these names:

浴巾裹着酥胸，泄欲，这都什么什么 a bath towel (yujin) wrapped around gorgeous tits (su-xiong), orgasming (xie yu), what is all this

And the following off-color joke retold many times throughout the episodes:

Why is Mei Changsu called Su-xiong and not Mei-xiong? Because he has gorgeous tits, not tiny ones (Méi-xiōng/梅兄 is an exact homophone of flat-chested/没胸).

Here are some rarer-but-still-good puns:

Gōng Yǔ/宫羽 is a near homophone of gòngyù/共浴, bathing together (cue viewer comments about how she and bath towel belong with each other).

Níhuáng/霓凰 is a near homophone of nǐhuáng/你黄, slang meaning you’re perverted.

The emperor lives in Yǎngjū Hall/养居殿, a near homophone of penis hall since yángjù/阳具 is the yang implement, though it's most popularly punned with pigpen (I wrote about this here if you scroll to the end).

The travelogue Mei Changsu wrote annotations in, 翔地记, is an exact homophone of xiángdìjì/降帝记, or records of subduing the emperor (which I can only interpret as MCS’s Dom Diaries on how to conquer Jingyan).

To conclude, here’s a stacked area chart of the four horsemen of punny NiF names and how often they're spammed:

[teriri-sayes]

Reactions to Deal Maker's Chapter 201

TL;DR - Cale gives gifts to the kids. Learns about On and Lily's academy plans. Clopeh offers his sword to Cale. Cale is troubled on how to explain Ahn Roh Man's weeb and gaming terms.

Santa Cale It was the new year already when Cale returned from the Central Plains, so following Korean custom (of the author), everyone turned one year older. Thus, Cale congratulated the three children who were now average ten year olds. 🥰

For the gifts:

Hong - 5 of the 9 treasure poisons of the Tang Clan. It was originally supposed to be 3, but the Tang Clan increased it to 5 to thank their benefactor after Cale's miracle in Hainan Island

On - 30 items he got from the GED, like daggers, elixirs, and so on.

Cale gave something to Sheritt too, but it was not mentioned. As for Raon, he brought a basket of sweets and still-steaming hot dumplings for the kittens and his mom. The author is projecting her dumpling obsession on Raon... 🤣🤣🤣

Academy Arc Because On turned 13, Cale thought of sending her to the academy to gain more life experiences and meet more peers. He thought the wolf children were not enough. But he found out from On and Ron that On had already made plans to attend.

Cale also recalled his younger sister Lily. Ron said that Lily would be attending the academy too, but in a higher grade because she wanted to study military science. Of course, Cale was supportive of Lily's decision. 🥰

Knight Clopeh Half of the chapter was about Clopeh, so I'm really happy! Yes, I'm a huge Clopeh fan. I wanted to translate the entire part about Clopeh, but this is a reaction post, not a translation one, so I'm sorry... 😞

Anyway, Cale asked Clopeh what he wanted to do if he could use the sword again. Clopeh went through some introspection about his past with Cale, and ultimately made a decision. He knelt down on one knee and dedicated his sword to his Cale-nim! 🤩

I really liked this part because it showed how Cale's relationship with Clopeh had greatly changed. From enemies to close allies. Of course, Cale pretended to not care much, but Clopeh knew that Cale did care about him. 😂

Cale had CH give the murim martial arts book to Clopeh. He wanted Clopeh to take HD's role and become stronger too. Also something about how Clopeh would now use his sword to save lives.

After CH and Clopeh left the room, Cale suddenly had a bad feeling. It was not a surprise because at that time, Clopeh was thinking something like, "I can't become a legend. But I will help create that path for my Cale-nim!" 🤣🤣🤣 Oh, Clopeh, this is why I love you~ 🥰

Ahn Roh Man is a Weeb The last part was also funny. Alberu suddenly called Cale because of some "emergency." Turns out, he had talked to Ahn Roh Man and misunderstood several terms the latter used. It all started when Cale told Alberu to mention "The Blue One" to Ahn Roh Man and gauge the latter's reaction.

And Ahn Roh Man's reply confused Alberu.

Ahn Roh Man thought The Blue One was a guy 😂

The two agreed to a "hyunpi", but The Blue One did not show up.

Ahn Roh Man said The Blue One almost spilled his "dark past."

Also said The Blue One caused him quite a considerable crisis (because of the dark past).

Hyunpi is a Korean gaming term. Hyun came from "hyunsil" which means "reality", and Pi came from P of PK (Player Kill). It means when two gamers who are having an online fight/argument get so angry that they agree to meet in real life and settle it there personally (through physical violence). So instead of a meet-and-greet, it's like a "meet-and-fight."

I can't think of an English equivalent to that term. But from what I know, some hyunpi meetings become violent enough that it made headline news in Korea. Gamers in Korea are just on a different level...

As for "dark past", it's an East Asian slang. It refers to an adult recalling the shameful, cringe-worthy, and embarrassing things they did in their childhood and teenage years. Most weebs use it to refer to their past as a chuunibyou, but it can also mean the stupid stuff you did as a teen.

So when Ahn Roh Man said he was in a crisis, it was because he was afraid of The Blue One spilling his dark past. 🤣🤣🤣 But Alberu misunderstood that and thought The Blue One was some powerful person who caused the president of a country some serious trouble... 🤣🤣🤣

Even Raon thought the same as Alberu. Cale was shocked in learning that Ahn Roh Man was such a weeb and gamer, and then did a facepalm. Alberu and Raon asking Cale what "hyunpi" and "dark past" meant was so funny. 😂

Cale was troubled on how to explain those terms. And Ron wasn't helping because he suddenly asked Cale if he wanted some lemonade. 😂

Ending Remarks Next chapter will probably be Cale explaining those terms to the Roan residents. And hopefully, Cale's talk with Ron. Cale was actually troubled today on how to explain about the KRS-Cale stuff to Ron, but Alberu suddenly called, so it got postponed.

But seriously, where are CJS and LSH? They still haven't been mentioned! Mary and the half-blood dragon were mentioned to be training together, but what about the Soos? What happened to them? What about Toonka and Durst?

And because today is the 1000th chapter of TCF, our author wrote another Author's Note:

Author's Note Greetings. Today, this Yoo Ryeo Han is sending greetings to commemorate the 1000th chapter. Oh my goodness, one thousand! A thousand! Actually, I still can't quite believe it. I still clearly recall the emotions I felt when the prologue and first chapter were posted. However, I have mixed feelings when I hear that it has already reached chapter 1000. Above all, I am truly grateful. Thank you for joining us. I will continue to write diligently. Hmm… Hmm… Hmm… Chapter 2000… I probably won't give greetings again, right? Hehe Well, once again, thank you very much! -Yoo Ryeo Han

Please, NO. DON'T MAKE IT REACH CHAPTER 2OOO, YRH-NIM! I love TCF, but 1000 more chapters are too much! 😭

[wannab-urs]

Pedro Pascal Character Fic Recs | Vol 37

AO3 | Kofi | Main Masterlist | The Spreadsheet Masterlist

Howdy folks!

Welcome to my bi-weekly fic rec list! This is everything I read in the last two weeks. It's... a lot. I did March Fic Madness and also just was generally in a reading mood so there's like 40 fics here. They're in alphabetical order by boy.

All info provided by the author unless it was blank, in which case I filled it in.

Constellations in his eyes

Dave York one shot by @janaispunk

Your fiancé stands you up on your birthday. Dave doesn’t.

infidelity, shitty boyfriend, angst, fluff, kissing, able-bodied reader, reader has hair, no use of y/n

What Love Means

Dave York one shot by @ravensmadreads

Dave has a panic attack and you help him through it

So David is probably ooc (but this version of him is my comfort character sorry), description of a panic attack, mentions of canon violence, and like the barest hint at smut.

The Mess of Us

Dave York one shot by @ravensmadreads

I gave david york my heart and then proceeded to bash it with a sledgehammer - forgive me :p this is the same universe as What Love Means

vague smut, lots of angst (i mean i tried), almost entirely canon compliant, vague-ish attempt at smut, mild cursing, insane use of italics.

The One

Dieter one shot by @schnarfer

If one thing had been different, would everything be different today?

Bit of emotional torment, drink and drugs references, Dieter POV, happy ending? Always Fleabag coded.

Purple Haze

Dieter one shot by @schnarfer

that boy put a spell on you

1960’s London Dieter Bravo AU, heavy on the British slang, explicit alcohol and drug references, reader is a model but no physical descriptions, outfit descriptions, swearing, sort of enemies to lovers if you squint, smut; protected PIV, light bondage, reader is in control and Dieter is a subby puddle, pet names (angel, doll, darling), light dirty talk, playful slaps. Just a note we’re always very Fleabag coded here.

House Arrest

Dieter one shot by @rulexofxnines

Dieter stays over at your place out of desperation. Things get out of hand so you take control of the situation.

forced proximity, only one bed, a goat

The Howler Monkey

Dieter one shot by @covetyou

You got him here, he was safely tucked away upstairs and everything was going, mostly, according to plan. So, who the fuck is screaming?

no smut but some nudity, implied drug use/addiction, little bit silly, mildly angsty, performance anxiety, screaming, Dieter Bravo's soft cock. basically mild hurt/comfort/fluff with my usual bit of silliness.

Vampire!Dieter

Dieter one shot by @chronically-ghosted

Interview with a vampire, gatsby style

flirting, a bit of blood, maybe dubcon due to The Thrall but i think it's safe to say we all want It from vampire!dieter, unbeta-ed because i needed to write something or someone was going to die

Brick House

Dieter one shot by @nerdieforpedro

Dieter buys a house for you and the baby

mention of past drug use, fertility issues, mention of sperm donation and clinics, false pretenses, Dieter might be a bit obsessed or a lot

Stay sexy and don't get murdered

Dieter one shot by @chronically-ghosted

Trapped behind a secret wall to hide from a murderer, the close proximity forces you and Dieter to confront feelings you rather bury underneath your case to prove your favorite neighbor didn’t commit suicide.

brief moments of tv-appropiate terror, arguing, mentions of suicide, mentions of death/murder, but more importantly: smut (like half of this is smut), oral (f!receiving), dieter’s bare ass nearly catching on fire, too many feelings for something that started as a crack fic idea

Fare Well

Dieter one shot by @nerdieforpedro

Dieter has been working so hard. He still has an issue that might be because of his mind. What can he do about it? Do anything else.

unhealthy coping, sexual dysfunction, sex work, teasing, pet names, sexual activity (actual and implied I think? I should know. 🙃)

A poor plan to confess

Dieter one shot by @nerdieforpedro

Dieter is doing his best to stay sober. You have a large part in his plans. They aren’t well thought out.

Dieter being a bit rude, porn use, mention of masturbation, teasing, improper toy use?, very bad communication, some mentions of sexual activities and acts, Nerdie is unsure of what she wrote

Conversation Pit

Dieter one shot @thosewickedlovelies

You’re viewing a mansion with Dieter, and it has a conversation pit. Does he have the discipline to keep his hands to himself?

friends with benefits, SMUT: Dieter’s favorite dom appears 👀 could it be someone we know?; mmf threesome, piv sex, semipublic sex but don’t worry, edging (m receiving), references to sex work

Lush

Din one shot by @the-scandalorian

Mando makes regular visits to the healing baths.

touch-starved Din; reader is blindfolded; smut

Immortal By Design

Din one shot by @beskarandblasters

Din Djarin picks up a mysterious job at the Bounty Hunter’s Guild from a high paying client that specifically requested him. Once he tracks down the bounty, he discovers two things— you tracking the bounty for different reasons entirely and a lot more than he bargained for.

reader is able-bodied, canon divergent (long live the Razor Crest), no Grogu in this universe, possession, cursed object, dark!Din, monsterfucking (I think), Din has heightened capabilities, dub con/noncon, restraints, reader gets captured, oral sex (M and F receiving), rough oral sex, fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, creampie, mir’sheb = smart ass, character death, no use of y/n

Enchanted to Meet You

Din one shot by @beskarandblasters

You’re a senator for the New Republic and tonight you’re forced to attend the New Republic Gala. Senator Xiono won’t leave you alone but that in turn leads you to meet Mando, a security guard at the event. And that leaves you wonderstruck.

Reader is able-bodied, canon divergent, reader has consumed alcohol, creepy guy at the gala, fingering, semi public sex, vaginal sex, pull out method, pet names (cyar’ika, mesh’la), no use of y/n

I don't mind bleeding

Din one shot by @quicksilvermad

You and the Mandalorian have a mutually beneficial relationship—he pays your rent and you feed him when he needs fresh blood.

vampire!Din, blood, PIV sex, biting, sex work, second person POV, AFAB Reader, one instance of "good girl", aftercare

Bound

Din one shot by @frannyzooey

It’s your thighs he’s bound this time — not your hands for a change.

smut, bondage, AU

Hello to the Green

Ezra one shot by @the-blind-assassin-12

Down a ship, a crew, and a working air filter, and suffering from a rapidly worsening infection, Ezra makes one last ditch effort to get home. And he hopes it’s enough.

language, angst, injury and illness, death

Paint With Me

Frankie one shot by @bitchesuntitled

You have a crush on the dad of your daughter’s best friend.

Sexual innuendos and cursing

Right on Cue

Frankie one shot by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin

The quiet bartender lends you a hand after you've closed up for the night.

reader is able-bodied but otherwise undescribed. Oral sex f receiving, protected PIV, that's pretty much it. this is just PWP

Door Number Three

Javi G drabble by @morallyinept

Javi shows you what he keeps behind that mirrored door

Character talk alludes to sexy things.

Dámelo

Javi P one shot by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin

You want more. Javi wants to give it to you. You just have to give him something first.

mutual masturbation, vaginal fingering, aftercare. reader is able-bodied but otherwise undescribed.

Dress Up Joel

Joel series @covetyou

when a mysterious stranger breaks into your house, and keeps breaking into your house, he gives you the fright, and the ride, of your life. Welcome to your seasonal encounters with one Mr. Joel Miller.

sex toys, dress up, festive/seasonal shenanigans, no use of Y/N, see individual fics for additional warnings

He Knows

Joel/Tommy one shot by @psychedelic-ink

Joel knows you have a little thing for his younger brother so decides to indulge you for your birthday.

gonna state this very clearly: joel gets cucked by tommy and watches, everyone is consenting and it's discussed beforehand, piv, dirty talk, possessive!joel, daddy kink, size kink, established relationship between joel and reader, jealousy, some brotherly rivalry, facial, mild degradation kink, creampie

Does Your Mother Know

Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

Joel finds a pretty young thing on the beach to spend some time with on his vacation.

reader is able-bodied, reader wears a bikini & a dress, no outbreak AU, ambiguous beach location, both reader and Joel consume alcohol, age gap (20 years), oral sex (F and M receiving), semi public sex, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, creampie, reader is on birth control, pet names (sweetheart, baby), no use of y/n

Tear You Apart

Joel one shot by @mermaidgirl30

Joel comes for you late at night. He always does. Always stalks, chases, and prowls after you like a starving wolf. And when he catches you, he devours you, feeds on you like the animal he is. Will you run and hide or will you give into the temptation that calls you in the forest?

Dark themes, Little red riding hood references, dark! Joel, Joel is a menace, oral, fingering, choking, unprotected P in V, cream pie, filthy smut, degrading actions, not really violent but lots of dark themes, manipulation, rough sex, dirty talk, Joel calls reader little lamb, possessive Joel, feral! Joel, post outbreak! Joel, controlling Joel, dom! Joel, submissive reader, Joel x fem! reader, Joel is in his late 40’s and reader is in her late 20’s

inhale, exhale

Joel one shot by @sp00kymulderr

This world is not made for intimacy and both of you know it.

Fingering, mentions of sex, smoking (both reader and Joel), canon typical violence mentions, needy!Joel, fear of intimacy. Barely edited as usual.

One Day at a Time

Joel series by @sixhours

Joel becomes a dad. Again

soft!Joel, no really super soft!Joel, Joel is bad at feelings and relationships, Joel is a sap, mostly follows canon, SMUT, gratuitous smut, dubious consent (drunk sex), unplanned pregnancy, fluff, references to past miscarriages, angst, hurt/comfort, romance, age gap (~21 years), childbirth, fluffy baby stuff

mine

Joel one shot by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

You encounter a frightening beast in the forest after getting separated from your group. Instead of killing you, he spares your life - the first of many surprises from this mysterious creature.

it's Joel Miller as a humanoid monster beast creature with a massive cock idk what you want me to say, creative liberties with anatomy and bodily fluids, they're soulmates because I wrote this so of course they are, monster!Joel can talk a little but it wouldn't kill him to watch a few episodes of Reading Rainbow or do some alphabet flash cards tbh, one curious use of an aquifer as a metaphor

Only Heaven I'll Be Sent To

Joel one shot by @freelancearsonist

Joel finds a familiar face while out on a smuggling run.

Rated PG for pure angst, one single kiss, and references to Joel's self-inflicted gun wound/self harm

Ahórcame, Papí

Joel/Frankie/Ezra one shot by @marisferasiop

After he gives a recovering addict a job (and subsequently falls head over heels for him), Joel and Frankie have a sweet, fulfilling relationship as Daddy and little exploring their kinks. Then, they meet Ezra at a leather club, another damaged vet with his own issues and kinks. They take him home, and he never really leaves.

Daddy Kink, Daddy/littles, pup kink, Breathplay (hands on throats), Orgasm Denial, Orgasm Delay, Orgasm Control "Training", Light BDSM, Aftercare, Soft Dom Joel, vers Ezra, Bottom Frankie Morales, Oral Sex, Cockwarming, AnalSex, Anal Play, Anal Plug, Breeding Kink, Heat/rut kink, PTSD mention (vets), gags, fingering, choking, cum eating, prostate milking, fucking machine mention, the elusive "sissygasm"

On the Verge of a Usual Mistake

Lucien/Dieter two shot by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

You've been avoiding your exes Dieter Bravo and Lucien Flores all night at this event, but you're forced to come to terms with how things ended in both relationships when they seek to right their wrongs.

this is truly just porn with minimal plot (I'm so proud of myself lol), Dieter and Lucien are messy exes, threesome activities, Twister but with genitalia, Daddy and Papi kinks

In shades of gray and candlelight

Marcus P one shot by @freelancearsonist

Nothing good starts in a getaway car, but you sure do have fun delaying the inevitable.

artist!reader my beloved (reader is able-bodied, basic female anatomy and feminine pronouns used, reader is described as having hair that is long enough to be put up but otherwise she’s a blank slate), unprotected p in v sex, cum swallowing, creampie, semi-public sex acts, oral (r + m receiving), handjobs, fingering, very light switchy dom/sub dynamics, a couple spanks, pet names (sweetheart, pretty girl, baby, honey), heavy praise kink, light size kink, consent king!marcus, just like the song it does not end happily

headshots

Marcus P series by @secretelephanttattoo

You're a photographer and you get a job working for the FBI, taking corporate headshots. On your first day, you run into a handsome Special Agent. The series follows their relationship.

Fluff. Smut. PIV. Romance. Flirting. So much kissing. Non-stop nuzzling. Tiny bit of angst. Marcus in his plaid shirts. Marcus on a motorbike. Skiing. A cameo. Sex talker Marcus.

The Infinity Cube

Marcus P/Various series by @littlemisspascal

When you play with a strange cube, you’re transported out of your current reality with your boyfriend Marcus into brand new ones starring alternate versions of your boyfriend who look and act entirely different every time. With each encounter, you start to wonder if you’ll ever make it back to your real universe?

language, fluff, angst

12:32 PM

Marcus M one shot by @dancingtotuyo

Marcus likes to think he's moved on with life.

Grief, loss of a spouse (Wife), fluff

Given a name

Oberyn/Ellaria one shot by @missredherring

"This would be your greatest indulgence?" He asks, the edges of his beautiful mouth curling into a pleased grin. / How like a man to inflate his importance. It’s a pity that he isn’t wrong. / This will be my greatest selfishness.

Angst. Mentions of canon character deaths. Allusions to Greek mythology cos I'm a nerd. Reader chooses a name for herself.

Innocence need not tremble

Pero one shot by @brandyllyn

"I told you I don’t know how to fuck a maiden."

smut. PiV. starts rough. but gets better.

Cherry Wine

Whiskey one shot by @julesonrecord

Your marriage to your high school sweetheart has been hell for a long time, but when Jack discovers your awful secret, it all comes pouring out like a wine stain on the carpet. What do you find in the dregs?

MDNI; DDDNE; hurt people hurting people, domestic violence (verbal, physical, off stage neglect), there's a mention of human urine omg I'm truly horrified that survived the editing process, off stage drug use as a coping mechanism, alcoholism, infidelity, grief due to miscarriage/child loss, oblique suicidal ideations ("you should have killed me"); explicit smut; dirty talk; piv; fingering; possessive!Jack; emotional resolution?

[thatdeadaquarius]

m thinkin abt the “blunt vs flowery” language thing and…… in the year of our lord 2023, i don't even want to imagine how far back we'd have to go in genshins timeline until we see ‘hey shawty' written on a cave wall-

you try to be better about it, sometimes, using only the fanciest words and the most floral of tones, but all you ever succeed in doing is giving zhongli flashbacks to the archon war-

in the same vein: modern humor. would literally make them think "is this some sort of divine joke im too mortal to understand?" except even the archons need to cite sources on why a piece of bread falling over would be funny- maybe you slip sometimes, but you only ever get halfway through like “i’m neurodivergent and a minor” before you realize they don’t know what that means— “what if i had blue hair and pronouns” but they’re just sitting there like… doesn’t everybody have pronouns….? and kaeya has blue hair- are you implying he’s divine? what about chongyun?? xingqiu??????

anyway um. this is me bringing up my unfortunate (but very funny) habit of saying “i’ll boil you like soup” whenever i’m mildly inconvenienced and hoping it triggers Thoughts about the casual/slang threats we make and how they cope

sorry if this reads incoherently it’s 1am for me rn— also i’m debating becoming a regular anon here, are your applications open? 👉👈

SORRY IF I RAN U OFF BY NOT REPLYING QUICKLY!! BUT I’D LOVE TO HAVE LABELLED ANONS! I’ve already added some taken name I could see in my mailbox so check the pinned post and choose whatever isn’t taken! phrase or emoji, etc.! :)

this isnt super long bc ur stuff seemed chill on its own/idk what I could add! So I just focused on one aspect

gif is literally everyone reacting to you trying to speak “flowery” like them lol

ALSO u guys probably dont remember bc I took so long but I’m still writing/going to post that Blunt Lang. AU Fanfic One-Shot! so here’s some quick headcanons ill add on ive got anon!!

No TWs/Content Warnings. SFW.

so this was gonna be chill but-

BESDIES RANDOM SHIT LIKE MEME REFERENCES

THAT WONT MAKE SENSE TO THEM BC INHERENT INTERNET/DIGITAL UNDERSTANDING NEEDED

WHAT IF ALL UR JOKES OR REFERENCES ARE QUITE LITERALLY, ANCIENT??

like anon said about even the archons having to pull out sources/cite your stuff to understand it, like finding really old tablets/scrolls/carved wall words 😭

u giving Zhongli a history lesson/brush up LMAO

If ur annoyed at them u just need to make more jokes, leave em scrambling for their pocket notes LOL

I like to think since you sound the OLDEST

that the ancient shit like Phanes/Four Shades/Seven Sovereigns are the closest in speech

(look theyre all alive and shit for my genshin, goddamit i still gotta tell u guys abt my genshin fill-in lore au)

and they’re closer to the “beginning of history” in teyvat so theyd get more references

theyd literally understand u the best and they like, all in the Abyss or like deep in Teyvat,

so u just casually strolling up to Azdaha’s place instead like

“How’s your day been Azhy?”

“Same as the days many before, my lord. How are thee?”

“Good enough, hey, why don’t I bring some food from my old world by that I’ve made for you to try out? Something new, y’know?”

camera pan left to see Zhongli looking up, then back down as he scribbles notes trying to better understand, Xiao has crossed his arms and is squinting, Ganyu is behind Zhongli and is trying to peek over his shoulder, Cloud Retainer and other adepti have like hidden nearby to overhear lol

♤

FLASHBACKS FOR ZHONGLI-

HE’S OVER HERE LIKE

“Please do not disturb your countenance my Wànsuìyé, the vernacular is pleasant to mine ears and sufficient for speech.”

“I shall, uh, try my best Zhongli, thought I know ye have- wait- thy have? Whatever, accepted it, I shall keep attempting to better match thee!”

HIS FACE-

He’s literally just → 😰😣💀

(flashback to at least 1 really ancient/old god he had to fight for his life against, they were the hardest battle he’s ever faced, and Azhdaha was helping him by that point too, so it wasn’t even like he won alone… rip zhongli got ptsd)

He keeps trying to subtly stop you from practicing it, he also desperately discourages others from helping you 😭

(Zhongli was about to be called Rex Lapis again when Venti was trying to get on his last nerve by constantly encouraging you to speak fancier, but in the incorrect way, at dinner with them one time)

Like that last content with them pretending not to kow each other but 5x the tension and Venti is fooling around even more so than usual lol

THANKS FOR SENDING IN YOUR IDEAS!! I FUCKING LOVE HEARING OTHER PPLS BRAINROTS OVER STUFF!! AND SORRY AGAIN IT TOOK FOREVER!! ITS BEEN A ROUGH YEAR OF UNI FOR ME/IM GRADUATING!! <333 TYSM ANON!!

Safe Travels,

💀 ♒

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonderss / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylazaa / @genshin-impacts-mee / @wholesomey-artistt / @thedevioussmirk

[pikahlua]

Fine I’ll explain the joke

Send this post to anyone who needs it to understand why the Viz translation is actually really good.

I can’t believe this page is leading to the third time I’ve had to do this (first with the “Swiss cheese” thing and then with the “biggest grand slam/one closest to Izuku Midoriya” thing).

Let’s talk about the very intentionally bad slang and author’s footnotes for Camie in chapter 380.

Context: Camie is a gag character who speaks in gyaru slang. Her use of slang is so heavy that all the other characters often find her speech incomprehensible. The cringe slang is the gag. This gag is emphasized in chapter 380 by her speech being so incomprehensible that even the author writing her speech doesn’t quite understand her. He leaves notes in the margins explaining all her slang for the benefit of the audience, but with each note he gets progressively more confused about what she’s saying and ultimately gives up on the explanation. THAT’S THE JOKE.

For comparison purposes, here is the original Japanese scan and the Viz official translation. Note how both have footnotes in the margins.

Here is what she says in Japanese (katakana is represented as capital letters):

te yuu ka KAN’ICHI! ※1 ROOTO ※2 no RENMEN ※3 KOru ※4 toka chou SHAKOTAN ※5 da shi

If I were to translate this literally into English, first of all I wouldn’t be able to, because there aren’t literal translations of slang, but my best attempt would be:

I mean, close shave! ※1 A Rohto ※2 hottie ※3 passing away ※4 would be like a super shakotan ※5 or something

Note that I’ve got no good translation at all for “shakotan.” That’s because shakotan is a type of car that’s been modified to ride low to the ground. It’s from bousouzoku subculture and seems to be popular in the yankii subculture too. I’m not gonna act like I know what the hell I’m talking about with this slang. The best I had when I did my initial translation of the chapter was “low-rider,” but it’s really not the same thing at all; Shakotan has more to do with drag racing and such.

But even if I had a good translation for shakotan, the rest of the sentence is nigh incomprehensible given how much of it is slang. Here are the footnotes Horikoshi left translated into English:

※1 Abbreviation for “a hair’s breadth.” ※2 Rohto Pharmaceutical. Eye drops. Good for the eyes. It means “eye-pleasing.” ※3 A romantically desirable man ※4 Belated (deceased). It means “to pass away.” Probably. ※5 When a vehicle’s height is lowered. Dunno.

Yes, Horikoshi literally wrote “probably” and “dunno” in there. That’s the joke. The footnotes are part of the joke.

So I think (but have absolutely no confidence in saying) the message she’s trying to convey is that letting a sexy dude like Hawks die would be like taking a perfectly good car and cutting it down into a super super low car. Maybe. (I’m honestly just as confused as Horikoshi on this one.)

This means that in order to preserve and translate the joke into English, the translator had to find a balance between relevant English slang that is incomprehensible but also just comprehensible enough for the audience to get what’s going on--oh, and slang that also works with the joke continued in the original footnotes.

I feel really proud of my “close shave” translation for slang that comes from “a hair’s breadth,” but another translator could easily decide that “close shave” isn’t slangy enough or isn’t incomprehensible enough. Rohto is a hard one to translate by itself, but the renmen word (short for ren’ai ikemen) easily refers to a sexy man, so “hottie” is one of the better translation options by far (sorry, but “twink” doesn’t mean what some of y’all think it means--it’s a bad translation here). The slang for “passing away” is a difficult one and the one I was most interested in seeing how the translator would handle. We don’t have many words in English that are slang for dying but maintain a tone of respect like you’re sad or don’t want the person to die. In my opinion, “unalive” is a pretty good attempt.

But then the translator also needed some slang that he could maintain Horikoshi’s jokes for footnotes #4 and #5, namely his “probably” and “dunno.” There was no way shakotan would make the cut. The translator chose “fetch” and “no cap” as the solution. They’re cringey enough slang that walk the line between incomprehensible and just comprehensible enough AND allow for a literal description in the footnote to joke about how the writer just gave up on understanding. Maybe you think you could come up with better slang the translator could use, but remember one does have to consider the entire reading audience and what slang they’ll be able to understand. All in all, the translator did the best they could in these circumstances. Whether or not a joke like this would land very well in English versus in Japanese isn’t really the point, as the translator’s job is just to translate the joke that’s there. What’s funny in another culture isn’t always funny in your own.

That said, I love me some meta jokes, so I did enjoy this one.

[monzamash]

red desert — daniel ricciardo

summary - I'm a slag for boys on dirt bikes and I'm not proud of it. warnings - mostly fluff with a LOT of swearing (sorry), sexual references, crude language, smut adjacent content, aussie slang. 18+ word count - 2.8k a/n - This is my first attempt at writing for F1 and it's also my triumphant return to tumblr in like, 10 years so go easy on me! masterlist

“At first I thought he was in his element but now he’s hooning around like a fucking loose unit.

“He’s a professional driver, mate. Don’t stress.”

Daniel really was in his element. After 8 months of non-stop madness, countless flights and sleepless nights – he was home. Home at last. It had been a day marked in his calendar since December last year when you had boarded the plane with him in Perth and bided farewell to his family who he adored so much. Every goodbye hurting more than the last until every ounce of energy had been sucked from his soul, resulting in him conking out a few minutes into your flight back to your home away from home.

He had been gifted a few extra weeks back in Western Australia over Christmas and New Years now that his schedule and commitments had dwindled down. Although it had been a hard pill to swallow in the aftermath of his new contract, the silver lining was more time with the people who mattered the most. The ones he had been neglecting for the better part of 15 years and counting. He had missed so many family events, so many birthdays, weddings, and even a funeral. Each time he missed out on being apart of those special memories, you could see his big, loving heart breaking from the guilt.

But Daniel was going to be damned if he didn’t make the most of his time at home, savouring those extra hours to start making up for lost time. And he was bloody going for it. Loud yahoos from the neighbourhood kids could be heard all the way from where you were sitting on the porch, cider in hand and a packet of salt and vinegar chips abandoned beside you. It was scorching hot as it always was this time of the year in Australia. 37 degrees Celsius but dropping as the sun slipped behind the large gum trees that lined the Ricciardo’s property. It really was every young country boy or girls dream out there.

Nothing but red dirt and a mouthful of blowflies as far as the naked eye could see. It was glorious.

“Now he’s just taking the piss!” You screeched to Michael who had surrendered to the blazing sun and sought shelter under the veranda beside you. Michael was Daniel’s right hand man and his personal trainer rolled into one. He had also been a dear friend of the Ricciardo family for many, many years and had been invited along for the festivities.

Michael chuckled and shrugged nonchalantly, “Your boyfriend, your problem,” He replied with a knowing look as you quirked an eyebrow and watched Daniel challenging a 12 year old child on a beat up PeeWee 50 that looked like it could’ve been from the 80s.

“Sometimes it feels like you’re the boyfriend and I’m his handler,” You stated as Michael shook his head and took a swig of his beer, “You know that’s not true, mate. That dickhead loves you more than you could ever know.”

You nodded and looked back out at the small crowd gathering to watch the love of your life jump a couple of shoddily built ramps on his revved up dirt bike. He was gonna kill himself, you thought.

“I know he does.”

Daniel’s love for you had never been questioned, not for a second. No matter where he was in the world, it didn't matter the time or place; he was thinking about you. And visa versa. When you were sitting alone in your shared apartment in Monte Carlo, he was on your mind, wondering what he was doing or what insane thing he got to do that day. You were each other’s world but you were also hyper aware that racing came hand in hand with your relationship with Daniel – no matter how much he insisted it didn’t. The proof was in the pudding.

“You know that he finally told Christian that he wouldn’t be at every race next year. Straight up. I didn’t think he would,” You said, fascinated to see if Michael agreed with that decision or not. Daniel’s career was at a crossroads and so was Michael’s if he wasn’t racing every weekend.

“’Bout fuckin’ time. He’s been working like a pack horse for over a decade and deserves some time to breathe and I’m sure that time will be well spent,” Michael nodded and brushed off his shorts as he stood up, “This is all he’s ever wanted, you know? All of this with you,” He pointed out to the man-made red soil racetrack with a wink.

“Make the most of it.”

“Cheers to that,” You smiled as you clinked your bottle with Michael. He got it. And he was the first person to advocate for Daniel when the going got tough, whether that be in the paddock or in the media. It was no secret that Daniel had been through the wringer not knowing if he had a seat next season, or if he’d be involved in the sport at all. It had been a shit-show and you and Michael had front row seats for the better part of 6 months watching it all unfold. The turmoil had nearly broken his seemingly unbreakable spirit but he was stronger than anyone could’ve imagined.

Daniel’s loud, boisterous laugh broke you from your thoughts and you watched as he pulled off the way-too-small helmet he’d borrowed from his brother-in-law. He dropped the dirt bike down on the small patch of lawn that was barely holding on in the sweltering heat and bounded towards you with that infamous shit-eating grin, “Heard you were worried about me up here?” He asked more as a question rather than a statement.

“Course not,” You scoffed, “You’re a big boy who can handle those small, yet extremely unsafe ramps out there.” You were half-joking and he could see the genuine concern behind your eyes. He knew you better than anyone.

“Oh, I know that you know I’m a big boy,” He murmured under his breath as he tried to sit down on your lap, still completely covered in dust and sweat, “Shouldn’t be tellin’ the whole world though, ay?” He teased as you pushed him off, refusing to let him dirty your perfectly clean clothes before dinner.

“Eww, you fuckin’ stink. Get off me,” You laughed, standing up from the rocking chair that you were lounging in and placing your small hands on his chest. “So handsome but so sticky,” You quietly grimaced as you looked up into his playful chestnut eyes and brushed your soft fingertips over the cotton shirt he was jeering you in.

Daniel’s eyebrow rose with intrigue as his tanned, tattooed arm wrapped around your waist, bringing you closer. He was wearing that damn sleeveless shirt that he knew riled you up at the best of times, but the combination of his relaxed demeanour, toothy grin and the way the thin material was sticking to every muscle on his body, it had you hot under the collar. That was the effect he had on you and boy, did he know it. Daniel took advantage of your close proximity and leaned down, pecking your pouting lips.

“I’ll let you join me in the shower if you admit you were a tiiiiny bit scared,” He taunted in a hushed voice, dragging out his words and making your eyes roll.  

“Please!” You mocked, “This is a lose-lose for you, Danny. You’ve never been good at blackmailing, darling and it shows,” You gently poked his tummy and spun around on your heel, making your way back inside to enjoy the air-conditioner that was blasting through the house.

“Fuck,” Daniel scolded himself, realising that there was no way you would admit to being scared, “I’m really off my game today. I thought doing those sickass wheelies would’ve reeled you in.”

He was playing with you, although watching him totally dominate a bunch of heckling teenagers did make you squeeze your thighs that little bit closer together. But you couldn’t tell him that.

You chuckled, secretly loving how defeated he must’ve looked sulking behind you like a sad puppy. Daniel’s beast mode was something you admired, craved even, especially during a race weekend or in your bedroom after teasing him with your wandering fingertips. He had a ferociousness that so many people got to witness on TV throughout his career and a level of intensity that was almost hard to believe he had when you got to know the man underneath the helmet. Most of the time Daniel was gentle, caring and an aspiring comedian if you asked him. He was always the life of the party but he was also the light in the life of everyone he knew.

You were one of the lucky ones who got to experience all the different facets of his personality, some you loved more than others. Sulking on Christmas Eve wasn’t one you were particularly fond of but you had a plan to rectify that – one that you knew would perk him up.

Daniel was taken aback when you turned and continued strutting down the hallway before entering the room you were sharing together while you were here. “Lock the door and please don’t make me regret this,” You said before kicking off your slides and turning around to see that cheesy fucking grin again. He was beautiful but insufferable.

“That’s it – I’m out!” You fake shouted and threw your hands up before Daniel surged forward and snaked his arm around you again, his smile dropping into a smirk.

“I’m just fuckin’ with you, baby. Come ‘ere,” He whispered, capturing your curled up bottom lip with his in a sweet kiss, “Let me love you.”

Your hands crawled up and brushed against his warm neck, small grains of dirt snuck under your fingernails as they dragged gently across his glistening skin. Daniel kicked off his Vans and a small whimper slipped from your lips as he slowly nudged you towards the en suite, one eye slightly open so he didn’t ram you against the tiled bathroom wall. Well, at least not yet anyway.

“We’re just showering. No funny business,” You mumbled against his perfect lips as if you could read Daniel's filthy mind, not wanting to break the spine-tingling kiss but needing to put down some ground rules.

“I should be saying that to you, ma’am,” Daniel nuzzled into your neck while skilfully unbuttoning the black denim shorts that were clinging to your hips, “You’re the one who loves getting railed in the shower, remember?”

Of course you did. You had countless memories of being fucked into a state of absolute ecstasy by Daniel either in your shower back in Monaco or that unbelievably lavish hotel shower in Abu Dhabi that was the size of a studio apartment. All of those visions came rushing back as you stood in your future parents-in-law’s spare bedroom, half-naked and wishing for nothing more than for their son to do exactly that. Fuck you.

“Don’t say railed,” You quietly moaned as Daniel focused in on the sweet spot just below your ear and tossed the white shirt you’d stolen from him aside, “So vulgar.” You were smirking and Daniel could tell from the tone in your voice. He also knew how much you loved his dirty talk.

“You fuuucking love it,” He deeply groaned and grasped your face in his large hands, quickly bringing you back to the present so you were looking into those gorgeous brown eyes again. You were a goner.

“I really, really do,” You whispered and reached for the waistband on his shorts, “Feels like you do too.”

Daniel was always just a couple of minutes from being exactly where you needed him in times like this. Hard. It never really took much besides a few sweet nothings whispered into his ear and maybe a touch or two to get the show underway. He had an unimaginable level of self-control but when you needed him, he was right there, standing to attention and desperate for what was to come. Pun-intended.

“Always ready for you, baby',” He whispered as his lips trailed over your chest that was on display and perfectly positioned for him to have his way, “Thank you god,” He playfully teased, praying up at the ceiling with a grin before you shushed him and reached for the shower taps.

“You’re a dork,” You jested sweetly as his fingertips slid your very colourful, polka dot undies down, making him chuckle. “Not as dorky as these knickers though.” He teased but deep down, he thought you looked cute.

“Don’t even try and pretend that this isn’t what you imagine when we’ve been apart for a month and you’re thinking about me in some ridiculously expensive hotel room, god knows where,” You sarcastically replied and posed up against the shower door with an exaggerated pout, “So hot, right?”

Daniel’s bravado dropped for a split second as his eyes glanced over you, taking in the image before him. He was mesmerised by your beauty every single time you stepped into a room, and when you left a room if he was being completely honest with his shameless self. This was what he imagined when he found himself desperately missing you, hand wrapped around his aching cock late at night, wishing it was you squeezing out everything he had to give. He wanted you. He needed you. 

“You will forever be my fantasy, baby. And probably the death of me too,” Daniel declared before guiding you under the lukewarm water. He didn't need to say much more because he understood that you knew how much he missed your touch on those lonely nights. And you were always a FaceTime call away if he needed that little extra push across the finish line.

Daniel took the lead. Deep down all he really wanted in this moment was to be close to you. All the teasing and flirting was just a bit of fun to pass the time. He was obsessed with you and god, did he want to do unspeakable things to you but right now, he just needed to feel you there. Physically having you by his side had been a luxury during the season and you both hated being apart but that was how it was. Like it or lump it. But being able to stand under a cascading waterfall and wash off the day you’d spent laughing and living life together was an indulgence that you never took for granted. Especially not now.

“Feel good, honey?” You asked, gently massaging his sun-kissed back. Every muscle contracted as the knots loosed under his taut skin, begging for a release and you delivered. “Feels incredible.”

Daniel closed his eyes and savoured the sensation of your hands moving down his tight back. Everything hurt all of the time with the intense training and relentless race weekends so having you take away all that tension and all that stress for him made him smile. He could feel his mouth tugging upwards as you pressed a firm kiss to his shoulder blade and a softer one to his spine before wrapping your arms around his slim waist, “I’ll wash your hair out before we run out of hot water.”

“Ta,” Daniel quietly mumbled, suddenly lost for words.

But he knew he could be quiet with you. The silence was comfortable as you turned him around to face you so you could run your fingers through his soapy curls, making sure every scarp of dirt, grass and more than likely a bug or two was rinsed down the drain. The water swirling around your feet was tinted orange as it washed away and Daniel couldn’t help but giggle when you gently scratched his scalp with your fingernails. His eyes were closed and an involuntary smile crept across your face as he groaned in pleasure. Scalp massages are the greatest, you thought to yourself.

“You’re such a little grub – look at the water,” You teased, moving your hands from his hair to his jaw, forcing him to look at the mess he’d made.

“That’s pure Aussie blood, sweat and tears right there,” Daniel retorted with his best Bogan accent as he shook his curls and wiped the running water from his eyes, sending droplets flying everywhere.

“Alright, Paul Hogan – let’s get out of here,” You tutted with a smile and gave his chest a light tap, motioning for him to grab you a towel to dry off.

“We could just air dry, you know? Save on laundry and all that,” Daniel winked and you fleetingly saw that naughty glint in his eyes before he stepped forward with a towel open, ready to wrap you up like a burrito.

“I’d be so into that if I didn’t think your niece or nephew could burst in any second,” You reasoned and Daniel wholeheartedly agreed, although still slightly disappointed. “Yeah, probably don’t wanna scar them for life with this rig, ey?” He chuckled and methodically dried off every inch of skin on your body with crude remarks aplenty. Obviously.

"We can have our own little christmas eve celebration later if you can hold off until then," You bargained as Daniel stood up and pushed his wet curls back off his forehead, causing small droplets to slip down his sun-kissed cheeks. His bright smile was back in full force and the fist pump of excitement was a nice touch.

"You know I can't make any promises, babe. Might have to wrap it up early," He winked and you couldn't stop the blush creeping up your neck. That was the effect he had on you from day one and that was how it would always be.

a/n - I have so many ideas for Daniel and a couple of other drivers so let me know if you liked this one or any story ideas you'd like to see written! #monzamashmasterlist

[petrichor-idyllic]

Hi! Maybe a Minho x reader where the reader is already in the safe haven, and is doing some gardening while singing or dancing and minding her business and Minho sees her and recognizes her from before the maze trials but not entirely, and he feels attracted to her and tries very hard to get her attention and it's all flirty but also funny and a little embarrassing. Like an aftermath and it's all fluffy and cute and maybe a little spicy in the end:D

Man, your ideas are always so good. I absolutely love writing your requests omg.

MIRAGE OF THE PAST

MASTERLIST | MINHO MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: See above. Fem!Group B!Ex-Runner!Reader x Minho. Kinda movie based fic.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, some suggestive themes, spice at the end, reference to Newt's death (sorry), group B slang from the wiki page but they might be fanmade but I'm going with it.

"Come on, Minho," Frypan groans as the remaining Gladers sit around the burning bonfire, "there's gotta be at least one girl here that you want."

This conversation had been going on for the past few weeks. Once the initial shock of surviving and escaping to the Safe Haven passed, the other boys (apart from Thomas) immediately started scoping out the women. Watching Gally and Frypan attempt to flirt with anything with tits is admittedly quite funny.

But Minho's not interested. Not only does he have to deal with the trauma of being tortured for half a year, but also the death of his best friend.

Romance had never been something he particularly took interest in, even if a girl would have come up in the Glade, or when girls started joining the group.

Sure, it's not like he doesn't have any frustrations or urges. He didn't really have much of an outlet for that kind of thing during his pubescent teenage years- and he figured years of pent-up sexual energy would've started to actually affect him by now. Especially with no Maze or WCKD to distract him.

But not really. Not at the moment.

"Dude," he grumbles, swirling the contents of his glass, "I'm telling you; I do not care."

"There's something shuckin' wrong with you, man," Gally scoffs, entertained more than anything as he drops his head. "There are girls eyeing you up left, right and centre- and you're telling me you don't care?"

Minho had obviously noticed the attention on him, but he'd always known he was good-looking. Even back in the Glade. The attention is, admittedly, an ego boost. And he enjoys watching his friends grumble and complain when some anxious girl approaches them, only for her to want Minho and leave with her tail between her legs.

"Nope- there's no one here I want, okay? Leave it."

Well, Minho was wrong.

The next day, he'd got roped into helping Thomas and Gally move bags of produce and seeds. Vince was too busy running the place, as per usual, so his normal daily tasks got thrown onto Thomas- something that he welcomed with open arms.

And that's when Minho saw you.

You spend a lot of time in the gardens- it's probably your favourite place in the Safe Haven. Similar to Minho, you ran the Maze in Group B, but you'd always had an affinity for plants and used to use the Gardens to calm down after a hard day. Now, it's more like using the plant life to relax after a hard life.

You prune away at the plants as you hum to yourself, dancing around and replaying the drums in your head from the previous night.

Thomas notices Minho's hesitation as he slows down, watching you from a distance. Gally is quick to also slow when he realises both of his colleagues have stopped moving.

Minho pays no mind to them. He's hit with a weird wave of nostalgia as he watches on, unconsciously admiring you. You're gorgeous; wearing the same casual clothes as everyone else, a jacket tied around your hips and your hair in a style he's already decided is his favourite.

What makes Minho's heart jump is when you flip the knife you're holding, tossing it into the air and catching the blade before throwing it. You're still dancing around and bobbing your head as the knife sinks into one of the wooden supports for a weak plant. It hits with a thud, easily holding in place and staying there as you crouch down to pick a tomato, mindlessly tossing it into a nearby basket.

Minho blinks. Processing what the hell just happened inside of him. The way you acted and how casually you just did that left some kind of impact on him.

Was that... hot?

Is that what the other boys call attractive?

Whatever. He can get over that. What he can't get over, however, is the strange feelings of familiarity he's experiencing. He knows you.

Somehow, he knows you.

"Hey, (Y/N)!" You perk your head up, looking in the direction of Sonya's voice as you stand up. She struggles through the shrubbery as you chuckle, slipping your hands into your pockets.

"Hey, Sonya. You good?"

"Yeah, Harriet, Aris and I are gonna grab a drink later, if you wanna join?"

"Uh, I don't know, man- maybe another time."

She groans as you turn back to your plants, dramatically flopping over you and throwing her arms around your shoulders. "C'mon," she drags out the word, "we never see you, anymore."

"That's not true," you gently and playfully shrug her off. It's kind of true.

You'd be lying if you said you hadn't become kind of elusive since you'd come here. You'd decided to enjoy your peace, and you were never a people person. But here, you don't have to protect everyone and stress about getting out of a deadly Maze. So, now you keep to yourself. You don't tend to join in on the late night drinking or partying. You've become a teenage Grandma.

"Dude," she crosses her arms, face suddenly serious, "one night. Hang out with us. Please."

"I'll think about it." You scratch the back of your neck, throwing your head back and stretching. You pull it back up, catching someone staring at you from across the sand.

Minho instantly tenses the second you make eye contact. Red starts to dust his cheeks as he pulls his gaze away.

Shit.

Gally barks a laugh. "Wow, Minho," he snorts, and even Thomas laughs along. "Thought you weren't interested in anyone?"

"Slim it, shuck-face," Minho grumbles as he walks past, his head dipped low as he tries to avoid your attention.

What is happening to him?

"Is it just me, or was Minho totally just staring at you?" Sonya asks, even though you shrug it off, returning to your work.

"Who?" You practically hear Sonya's neck snap with the speed she looks at you.

"Who? Did you seriously just ask me who? Uh, Minho? The hot Asian dude that was just completely gawking at you?"

"Never heard of him."

"Are you kidding me? He's the guy that everyone spent months tryna save from WCKD."

"We spent months tryna save all of you from WCKD."

"Yeah- but Thomas and Newt broke into WCKD Headquarters for him. He's kinda a big deal, dude- and half the girls here have a thing for him."

"Sounds like quite the catch," your tone is dull and results in Sonya rolling her eyes.

"Just... just come hang out with us later? We miss talking to you."

"Alright, finch-face," you huff, "I'll have a couple drinks later if it gets you off my dick."

Sonya seems satisfied with this, leaving you to it. To your own surprise, your mind wanders to the boy. You'd never been one for attention, and you'd not really had any advances here. So, why do you feel flustered at this random dude staring at you?

You, in fact, do not meet them later for drinks. But you do promise another time.

Minho, on the other hand, spends the next week watching you every chance he gets. Thomas and Gally silently agree to keep it between themselves, but it's kind of hard.

He feels creepy and stalkerish. But he can't help it- you're just so perfect and he's never been this anxious to talk to someone ever. He wants to talk to you, but he just can't bring himself to.

After much consideration, you decide to actually join your friends for one night.

The girls are very happy to see you and you offer a friendly hug to Aris, joining them and Brenda around the campfire.

Minho takes note of this, watching you laugh and chatter, the flames dancing off of your skin and the drink swirling around the glass in your hand.

Gally nudges his friend, caving in and having to gossip with someone else. "Fry, have you heard?"

"Hm?"

"Minho, here, is in love." Thomas snorts into his drink, having to put it down so he doesn't choke.

"Shut up, Gally- I am not." Minho kicks him.

"What? Have I missed something? With who?" Frypan, not very subtly, tries to get a glimpse of you.

"Shuck's sake," Minho grasps at his friend, forcing him to sit down, "Fry! Stop!"

"What? What? Is she hot?"

"Yeah, she's hot," Gally scoffs, earning a glare from Minho. "Think she's called (Y/N), or some klunk."

Frypan's face contorts into a grin. "Ha, (Y/N)? No way."

"What? You know her?" Minho blinks at his friend, shocked because no one else seems to know who you are.

"I mean, Brenda knows her-" he leans further forward in his seat "- she's from Group B, used to be a Runner for them. Don't really know much, but they all make her sound like the best of the best. Sonya and Harriet think the world of her."

"Wait," Thomas interjects, "if she's so close with them, how come we don't know who she is?"

"She's not much of a people person," Frypan shrugs, "prefers to be on her own- does her own thing kinda deal. That's what it sounds like at least."

"Great, that means you don't have any competition, Minho," Thomas grins at his friend. "Why don't you just go talk to her?"

"No."

"Why not?" Thomas' smile immediately vanishes. He knows Minho better than most people here. He thinks getting to know someone new could do him some real good.

Minho falls into silence. What reason does he have to not talk to you? Is he just scared? The man has risked his life literally every day for as long as he can remember but he's scared to talk to a girl?

Sounds about right.

"Well," Gally slaps his legs as he stands up, "if you won't talk to her, guess I will."

You could hear the cogs turning in Minho's head as Gally starts to walk towards you. There's no way he's about to watch Gally take the only girl he's literally ever taken any interest in.

The chair moves back as Minho stands up.

Gally gets to your group, opening his mouth but no words come out as Minho is quick to reach him.

"Hey," Minho has absolutely no idea where he's going with this, awkwardly standing with his hands in his pockets as he hovers over the group. Sonya looks at you, repressing a smirk at Minho's slightly shifty stance.

"Hey, Minho," Brenda smiles at her friend, oblivious to what's going on. "You okay?" Gally smirks, making eye contact with Sonya, raising his eyebrows slightly before walking away and returning to the other boys.

"Uh, yeah, just uh, thought I'd come say hi," Minho flinches at his own words, visibly cringing as his confidence dwindles.

"Well, uh, hi?" Brenda is visibly lost whilst Harriet is quick to catch on, also being told by Sonya what happened prior.

"Minho," Harriet, the boldest of the group, decides to move this forward, "have you met (Y/N)?"

Oh no.

"Uh, I don't- no, we haven't met." Minho is having some kind of internal panic attack. The poor boy is going to pass out any second.

"Well, (Y/N) here was our best- she basically ran the joint when I was busy."

"That's not true," you look at him, immediately shutting down Harriet's bragging. He feels very small under your gaze.

"Nah, it is- stop being so humble."

"So, you were a Runner?" You blink at this question.

"I... I never told you that?" Minho freezes. Ah, yes, me and my friends weren't just talking about you or anything. Totally.

"Uh, yeah, I'm just assuming, yanno?"

You shuffle forward, trying to hide the smirk threatening to cross your lips. "Yeah, I was a uh, what did you call it? Runner?"

"Yeah, were you a Keeper?" You blink at him, not understanding the slang that differentiates between the Glade and the Glen.

"What's a Keeper?"

"Oh, it's, like, the person that's incharge of the section."

"Oh, like a Jailer?"

"A Jailer?"

"Yeah- I guess what you called Keepers we called Jailers. But, no, I wasn't a... Keeper. Just did my job, stick."

"You shoulda been a Jailer, finch-face," Harriet complains, adding to an argument that you'd been having for a while.

"I didn't want to be a finching Jailer, Harriet."

"Yeah, but you woulda been so good at it."

"How are we still arguing about this?" Aris asks, earning a chuckle from you.

"Minho was a Keeper, though, weren't ya?" Brenda butts in.

"Oh, yeah?" Maybe Minho is hallucinating, but your tone sounds almost flirty, "What was that like? Can't have been easy tryna look after a bunch of boys."

"Eh, I didn't mind it. Kept me busy and I knew the Maze like the back of my hand- which made my job easier."

"Wow, that's quite the feat- I didn't even remember the Maze that well."

"Yes, you did," Harriet jumps in, and you send her a confused look.

"No, I didn't?"

"Yeah, ya did- I've been out there with you."

"No, I used pattern recognition to figure out what was coming next."

"Same thing."

"That is not the same thing," Minho defends you, almost naturally, which shocks himself.

"Exactly- you gonna argue with with two Runners?" Harriet puts her arms up in defence, accepting her defeat.

The conversation starts to flow more naturally, and Minho eases. You leave for a second, going to get another drink. This is going well. Minho has absolutely nothing to be worried about, and apparently, Gally is a decent wingman. Who would've thought?

Well, you approach again, not saying anything as someone shouts Minho, making him turn around without realising you're standing right behind him. He knocks into you, sending your drink into you chest, spilling it everywhere.

"Shuck," he hisses, watching you pull your lips into a fine line. The liquid drips down your chin and stains your favourite shirt, causing it to stick to your chest- something that Minho tries to not act weird about. "I'm- shit, I'm sorry."

You put the glass down on a nearby crate being used as a table. "It's fine," you say through gritted teeth. "I'm gonna call it a night, anyway."

You suck on your teeth. This is why you don't like people. You don't have problems like this without other people.

"Aw, what?" Sonya complains, but you're already walking away, wiping your face with your hand. "(Y/N)!"

Minho groans, rubbing his face before making eye contact with Brenda. "Smooth."

You resort to your typical demeanour, spending your time in the gardens and ignoring everyone.

"Have you tried actually flirting with her?" Brenda suggests, no fully in the loop even though it wasn't exactly hard to miss. Brenda, Minho, and Gally sit around a table, taking a break from the days workload.

"I spilt her drink down her- I don't think she'll appreciate me flirting with her." Minho huffs.

"She's pretty forgiving. You might as well try."

"I don't- I don't even know how to flirt with a girl- what do I even do?"

"Try and touch her as much as possible, tell her she's hot and that you wanna-" Gally's input is cut off by Brenda punching him in the arm.

"Just talk to her, compliment her, let her know you're interested and then let her make the move- don't listen to Gally, that'll just make her uncomfortable."

"How do you know?"

"Hate to break it to you, Gally, but I happen to be a woman."

"Yeah, but, I mean.." Minho stands up, sick of his friends bickering and all the teasing. He'll just take Brenda's advice and talk to you. It was easy enough last night, for the most part.

"What do you want?" You say before he even opens his mouth. You're crouching down, planting even more seeds in your already overgrown garden.

Not a great start.

"I, uh, I just wanted to apologise for last night. I didn't realise you were stood there and-"

"I already told you; it's fine."

"Yeah, but still," he sighs, "I feel like kind of a slinthead."

"I don't know what that even means."

"Right," he pauses, Brenda's words circling his head. Maybe he should try a compliment. "You, uh, you look pretty." You pause, not really saying anything for a second.

"Do I?" You're covered in dirt and in your gardening garb.

"I mean, yeah. I mean I think you look pretty- I mean you do look pretty- you are pretty- you look good, even when you- you always look good."

You look at him, a lop-sided smirk appearing in your face. "You wanna try that again?"

Obviously, you've noticed Minho's attraction to you. Actually, you've been told it both from your friends and from Brenda. This morning she came over basically begging for you to give Minho a chance, only to be pulled away by Jorge.

It's actually kind of cute.

"Shuck, I'm bad at this," he mumbles, "Yeah. Could I?"

"Be my guest."

"I think you're beautiful, (Y/N)," he says after a second to gain his composure.

Something about this clicks in your head. Your heart rate picks up as you look at him. For a moment, you understand the hype around Minho. He's objectively attractive, and him being an anxious stuttering mess around you is somehow only making him more appearing.

You stand up, scoffing to yourself. "Thanks, Minho."

God, his name sounds so good on your lips. He could listen to you say it all the time. He wonders how else it would sound when-

He stops himself.

It took you saying his name for his mind to start going in that direction? Maybe he's more worked up than he thought.

"Hey?" You wave your hand in front of his face, snapping him out of his trance, "You good?"

He cleats his throat. "Yeah, I'm good."

"You just gonna stand there or gimme a hand?"

"Uh, sure- yeah." You throw a bag of seeds in his direction. He fumbles slightly, but he catches it, not coming across as smooth as he would want to be.

He spends the rest of his day poorly attempting to talk to you. He even does that almost cartoonist thing where he tried to lean on a beam and completely missed.

Another thing you notice is the sheer amount of girls now looking in your direction. They're gawking over a working and sweating Minho and glaring at you.

"You're quite the eye-candy," Minho's heart nearly jumps out of his chest as he picks up another bag of fertiliser.

"What?" You jolt your head towards the small group of girls gathering. "Oh, right."

"Seems like you get a lot of attention."

"I don't want their attention," his tone is blunt and sturdy for maybe the first time since you've spoken to him.

"Oh, yeah? 'Cause you want my attention instead, right?" Minho freezes as you look at him, hand casually on your hip.

"What if I do?" Confidence bubbles in his chest. His tone is flirtatious, and he's starting to actually understand that this is how you hit on someone.

"Maybe you could try talking to me like a person instead of stalking me from a distance," and with that, Minho's bubble of confidence bursts.

"I wasn't- I didn't mean-" he sighs, "I didn't mean to be creepy."

You laugh. You actually laugh. And it's like music to Minho's ears.

"I don't get it," you shake your head, continuing with your shovelling, "you could have anyone you want here."

"Yeah, well, I don't think you're right about that."

"Huh? You clearly can."

"Not really."

"Why not?"

"Because I want you."

Maybe that was too forward from Minho. That much is clear when your moments stop, but when the red starts to creep across your face, he realises that he's actually cracked you.

"I- I, come on, man," you force a laugh to try and play it off, "you can't be saying klank like that."

"Why not? It's true."

"Dude," you send him a warning look. "Why me? Hm? You don't even know me." He falls quiet. You furrow your brows, confusion setting in. "Minho?"

"I think I do," he mumbles.

"What?"

"I think I know you," he says, more confident, "I know it sounds insane- but we obviously had our memories wiped- I don't know. You feel familiar, like maybe I knew you before."

You stand, silently looking at him. You honestly don't know what to think of this. He knows you? It's clear your memory wipe is stronger than his, but it does feel like you've met him before.

"Sorry- that's weird, I just-"

"Minho!" Frypan yells him from a distance, "Gally needs help building this shack! Come on!"

He anxiously looks at you, vaguely pointing in the direction of his friend before walking away, leaving you to process everything that's happened.

You told Sonya, Harriet, and Aris everything that had happened. Aris was lost, Harriet intrigued, and Sonya was practically frothing at the mouth.

It then turned into them pressuring you to talk to Minho instead, but you decided to leave it until you saw him again naturally.

That doesn't exactly happen.

Waking up early one morning, you come out of your hut and notice Minho sitting on the sand, in front of the waves, basking in the rising son.

Sucking in a deep breath, you gain some confidence and walk over to him. "Hey," he looks up at you as you stand behind him. You're in your casual running pants and sports bra, which makes his brain do a backflip.

"Hey," he's kind of surprised that you've approached him first, but you've spent the days between your last conversations thinking of him.

"I was gonna go on a run, wanna race?" A grin starts to cross his face.

"You think you can beat me?"

"No," you smirk, "I know I can."

He stands up, dusting off some of the sand. "Alright, girly, where we racing to?"

"From here to the Creek?"

"The Creek?"

"You don't know about the Creek? Bro, you're missing out."

He agrees to these terms and you both get ready. Counting in, you both start, though Minho stumbles slightly- clearly not used to the sand.

Despite your head start, Minho easily catches up. You playfully push him out of the way, which he's fast to return.

To get to the Creek, you have to cut across some of the sand dunes, which means leaving the beach. You take a sharp right, causing Minho to stumble as you book it through the dunes.

Loud laughs escape you as you throw your arms up. You grind to a halt, stopping at a large circle of rocks with a pool in the middle, accompanied by a small waterfall.

"You shucking cheat!" He catches up to you, slowly to a jog before he doubles over.

"Told you I'd beat you," you grin at him.

"Yeah, only because you're a cheater."

"Wow," he stands up straight as you step closer to him, "shoulda guessed you'd be a sore loser."

He presses his tongue into his cheek, humming as he nods, bitterly. "That's how you wanna do this, huh?"

"Gotta play the game."

"Hm, well, if you insist." With now warning, Minho picks you up, making you shriek as he throws you over his shoulder.

"Minho!" You cry out, kicking your legs but it's too late.

The water is freezing as he drops you in. You're submerged by the crystal-clear serene water in seconds.

You rise again, gasping for air as Minho laughs at you. "You bitch!" This just makes his laugh even more.

"Gotta play the game, right?" You splash him, making him step back. "Alright, alright!" He shields his face, running his fingers through his hair before he looks at you, a mischievous smirk appearing.

"What?" You dare ask.

Minho pulls at the bottom of his shirt, yanking it over his head. You don't mean to stare, but you do. He chest and mid-drift are chiselled as dark hair dusts across his lower stomach, leading further into his pants. Your mind goes fuzzy for a second.

You don't have much time to ogle though as he runs forward, pulling his legs to his chest and cannonballing into the water. Water spashes everywhere, drowning you once again as you turn to face him.

He re-emerges, flicking his hair before pushing it back. "Shuck!" He exclaims. "It's shuckin' freezing!"

You laugh at him, wheezing as you try to cat g your breath, resulting in you being hit by another wave of water that Minho throws at you. You respond this time, which ends up turning into a splashing match.

And then into a shoving one.

The Creek is filled with laughter and the sounds of splashing water, and neither of you remember the last time you had this much fun.

You keep sending small, concise waves in Minho's direction. "Okay, okay- stop. Okay," he swims closer, grabbing you wrists and stopping the movements. "That's enough."

Your giggles slow as he holds your hands in place. "Enough." Both of your chests rise and fall as he stands in front of you.

Minho thinks you're the most beautiful thing he's even seen. Your hair sticks to your face, water running down your collarbone and cleavage.

And, honestly, the feeling is mutual. The chuckles quickly stop as you both stare at each other. You can't help yourself when your eyes land on his lips.

Oh God.

Almost unconsciously, you move closer to him, and he does the same, like two magnets pulling towards each other. Your faces are mere centimetres apart as he drops your wrists, hands coming to your hips under the water instead.

Minho is hypnotised. You're so close, and the feeling of your skin under his fingers is making him feel almost drunk. He didn't know it was possible for a person to make him feel this way.

Faint shouting from the distance snaps you both out of your trance. People at the Safe Haven are waking up and the day is about to begin- both of your absences isn't going to go unnoticed.

You pull away, clearly your throat, "We should go. They'll wonder where we are."

"Uh, yeah- you're right."

Minho doesn't bother to put his shirt back on for the walk, letting the air dry his skin. Which is completely distracting, and you swear he caught you looking more than once. But he doesn't say anything.

Once you're closer, he pulls his shirt back on and you split up, mumbling some very awkward goodbyes.

You slip back into your hut, unnoticed, drying yourself off and getting changed.

Unfortunately, damp Minho had an audience the second he returned. He doesn't think he's ever got this much attention.

You and Minho suddenly become as bad as each other. Your conversations are brief but full of tension, so much so that your friends can notice until it all comes ahead.

You've, once again, been peer-pressured into having some fun. Leaning on a beam at the side of the party, you watch from afar.

Some girl came up to Minho about fifteen minutes ago, and she's beeb hanging off of him ever since. You've failed to join in on your conversation with your friends, who are exchanging some knowing looks between one another.

"I don't get it," Sonya says after a while, "you know he likes you, and you're clearly at least starting to like him- so why not do something about it?"

"What?" You pull your death stare away, looking at your blond ally instead.

"You and Minho? Finch it, being in the same room as you guys is enough to turn anyone on- so I can't imagine how you guys feel."

"You're looking to much into it; everyone likes Minho. I'm not about to be another girl pining for his affection."

"Yeah, but he likes you." Harriet joins in. "There's no competition because he's already yours. Sonya's right; do something about it."

You look at them before returning your gaze to Minho and the girl. They're right.

And you've had enough of this.

"Fuck it," you down the rest of your drink in one mouthful, slamming it down and making your way over to him.

Wordlessly, he notices you approaching as he sits amongst his friends, practically ignoring the girl. You take his hand as he looks up at you like a lost puppy.

He makes no hesitation to push the girl off, standing up and letting you lead him to literally wherever you want. Whistles from Gally and Frypan fill the noise from behind you, but you don't care anymore.

You pull him into your hut, the light is dim as you shut the door behind the both of you.

"(Y/N)? What are you-?" You push him backwards, making him hit the wall as you stand in front of him. Once again, your faces are painfully close.

"You still want me?" You mumble, nearly into him as his body goes limp, eyes becoming hooded.

He nods. "More than anything."

"Do..." the questions makes you cringe, somehow becoming nervous despite knowing you're not about to get rejected, "do tou want to be my boyfriend?"

Your eyes flicker down, not able to meet his gaze, and you hear him scoff. "Of shuckin' course I do."

The scene you look up at him again, his lips are on yours. It's a deep kiss, but a safe one, and you pull away from each other for a second.

"Damn," he smirks, "if I knew you were the possessive type, I woulda made you jealous sooner."

"Shut up," you grumble, pressing your lips back to his. It's feverish this time, his hands gripping your hips to pull you closer, whilst your hands come to his hair, tangling in his dark locks.

He hums into you as you pull on his bottom lip with your teeth, both of you move in sync as he leads you to the bed, falling on top of you.

His hands travel under your shirt, desperate to feel your skin against his once again as your bodies tangle together. You pull at his shirt, and he takes the hint, breaking the kiss to pull it off.

It gives you the chance to drink in his appearance. He's dishevelled and messy, panting with large pupils and parted lips. He's never felt this needy in his life, watching as you sit up, pulling your own shirt off.

You reconnect, Minho pushing himself between your legs, your nails digging into his back as he transfers his affection to your neck. You let out a shaky breath, which very nearly comes out as a moan.

It just pushes Minho further as he sinks his teeth into the sensitive flesh of your neck. Your body twitches, and you gasp, clinging onto him further.

"Minho," your voice is whispy and full of an emotion Minho hasn't heard before. He thought he liked hearing you say his name before, but now he could literally get drunk off of the word. "Please."

He grabs you thigh, hiking your leg up further as he grinds against you. Let's be honest, the boy has been rock solid since the first kiss.

"I've never..." He mutters against you skin, "I've never done this before. I don't really... know what I'm doing."

"You think I do?" You chuckle. "Do you want to do this, or should we wait?"

He pauses, looking at you. "I want you so fuckin' bad- I've never felt like this before. But if you want to wait, then I'll wait for as long as you need. Do you want to wait?"

Hearing Minho actually swear instead of the Glader slang is rare, and sends even more heat through you as Harriet's words ring through your head.

He's already yours.

He hovers on top of you as he waits for your answer, and you shake your head.

"No," you mumble, bucking up your hips against his, making him hiss and his breath hitches before you kiss him once again.

Another Minho piece woooo. I've got a couple of requests to get through now to keep me busy, so there should be some steady content coming out, but requests are still open. Also sorry if it takes me a bit to get to your requests, I promise I will get to them.

I hope you enjoyed :))

[miss-multi45]

Hey lovely, it's me 🐝 again :)

I know I just requested not to long ago, and I absolutely loved it, and I was wondering if it's not to much, if you could do headcannons for either ghouls/ghoulettes or sleep token, I had a really shitty day, (im trans ftm) and I just hate when people purposely deadname me or purposely not use my preferred pronouns, I was just wondering how the ghouls or sleep token would react if something like this happens to reader or something. I understand if this is an uncomfortable topic, I know it is for alot of people so don't feel pressured to do it:)

Remeber to stay hydrated and eat something, have a good night/day -🐝

hi sweetheart! ofc I can ♡♡♡

sleep token

iii

talks over them to get the point through

when he realised it was purposely, he grabs their collar and lectures them on respecting you and referring to you correctly

iv

cuts them off "hell no, my girlfriend/boyfriend/lover goes by these pronouns, and you will respect that."

aggressive love, he does that to anyone who deadnames you or uses the wrong pronouns

ii

"uh excuse me, the fuck?!"

gets offended, walks away from them and brings you with him like, "how uncultured are these swines?!" (swines means pigs in British slang)

vessel

"i just think that (incorrect pronouns)-" vessel: "(correct pronouns)" "right, right. well (incorrect pronouns)." vessel: "it's (says correct pronouns in a scary voice)." "o-ok, sorry."

will not stop correcting them

he starts to get threatening if they do it too many times on purpose

ghouls

swiss

gets so defensive

like "oh fuck no, my lover's pronouns are (correct pronouns) and you will fucking respect that, do you understand?"

will not leave it alone until they get it right

sodo

murders them

just kidding..maybe

no, but, he will leave the room with you slung over his shoulder

rain

person: "(incorrect pronouns) is such a-" rain: "oh it's actually (correct pronouns."

didn't know they were doing it on purpose until he saw the smug look on their face

then he developed a passionate hatred for them

phantom

avoids them

its happened before, and he won't let you go anywhere near that person for as long as they live

mountain

stares down at them with judgment in his eyes

they get scared and refer to you properly now

aether

"no, no, no, it's (correct pronouns)."

polite about it in the beginning, then he gets a bit rudely polite about it

like "it's (correct pronouns), use it please."

omega

scoops you up into his arms and leaves

he doesn't stand for that shit, and he will never stand for that shit

alpha

"(correct pronouns), you idiot."

isn't nice about it, at all

he will never do anything nice for that person ever again

ifrit

"(correct pronouns). fucking use it, you dimwit."

doesn't hold back on the insults, because if they're doing it on purpose, they deserve to be mistreated

ghoulettes

aurora

hugs you by the waist and corrects them

"it's (correct pronouns)."

secretly despises that person

cirrus

"my darling is a (correct pronouns). is that clear?"

gets even more protective of you

makes sure that person doesn't do that again

cumulus

"no, (correct pronouns)."

like a teacher telling a child off

treats them like a child to annoy them

mist

"it's not (incorrect pronouns). ask them what their pronouns are, don't assume."

very stern

similar to cumulus

[star-writes-sometimes]

insomnia, tea and clockwork oranges

tangerine x reader

word count: 1.3k

cw: swearing, reader uses some british slang, bad clockwork orange references, mentions of sexual stuff, mentions of drugs, tangerine being a therapy friend, is it ooc? maybe but i don't care

a/n: i kind of hate this but i'm only halfway through the other tangerine fic im writing

---—---

you were exhausted.

the mission was exhausting but you had finally completed it. working with the twins always went well but they were tiring after a while.

you couldn't sleep though. days of running on adrenaline and wishing you were home in your bed and now that you could finally crash in the house you all rented for the night and you were wide awake.

you gave up on your miserable attempt on counting sheep and decided to exit your small room for the night and go make yourself some tea.

you walked into the kitchen and found the kettle, mugs, teabags and sugar and started boiling the water.

"can't sleep either?"

"jesus fucking christ." you held your hand over your heart as you turned around and faced the living room adjacent to the kitchen. tangerine was still awake, sitting on the couch holding a book. "you scared the shit out of me."

he smirked as he looked you up and down, "sorry love, i didn't think anyone would still be awake." 

"neither did i," you moved to start preparing your cup now that your heart rate had calmed down, "you want a cuppa?"

"sure."

"sugar? milk?" you moved to grab another mug.

"nah."

you scrunched up your nose in surprise, "really? that's fuckin' gross."

"whaddya mean gross? it's classic."

"disgusting."

"the best way to have tea."

"without milk and sugar, it isn't tea, it's leaf soup."

"leaf soup? the fuck you talkin' 'bout darlin'" 

the kettle flicking off interrupted the response on the edge of your tongue and instead you moved over to pour the hot water. you silently finished making the cups of tea, ignoring the feeling of tangerine's gaze on you.

once done you moved over to the living room and placed both mugs on the coffee table before flopping down next to tangerine on the couch. you adjusted so you were sat crossed legged, close enough to tangerine for your knees to knock against each other.

you reached over and grabbed your drink, blowing on it slightly and taking a sip, "why are you still awake."

he shrugged slightly and reached for his own mug, "post kill adrenaline i guess. what about you?"

"i had to sell the sheep i usually count to feed my pet orphans." you joked as your eyes wandered to the book he placed on the table, "you were reading."

"yeah what's wrong with that?" he bit back quickly and defensively.

"fucking hell, chill out dude," you giggled slightly at his defensiveness, "i guess i just never pictured you reading. i mean i know you're well read and all but reading is a relaxing activity and i've never seen you relaxed." 

"oh." his eyebrows knitted in confusion at your small rant.

"so what book are you reading?"

"a clockwork orange."

you can't help but snort, "never mind that explains it."

as quick as it left his defensiveness returned, "explains what?"

"you don't relax while reading a clockwork orange. it's a good book and all but it ain't relaxing."

"you've read a clockwork orange?"

"of course. brainwashing, rape, murder, violence, reminds me of our lives except more dramatic. and i don't get my drugs from milk. and classical music doesn't make me cum."

he laughed at that, "you get off other places do you love?"

"oh yeah screamo music or the teletubbies theme are the only songs i use to get off." you responded with mock seriousness.

he smiled again, "personally i prefer black metal." he matched your tone, and you returned his grin, "if you don't read this shit what do you read?"

"porn." you smirk at him.

his smiles drops slightly, "you do that a lot y'know."

"what? read porn? darn i thought i hid it so well."

"no," he rolled his eyes, "the joking. you always do it to avoid things that make you uncomfortable."

it was your turn to get defensive, "i'm sorry?"

"lemon pointed it out a few days ago, i hadn't really noticed before he said it actually but it's true."

"i do not."

"why can't you sleep."

you had to swallow the sarcastic comment that instinctively wanted to claw its way out, "i dunno, left over adrenaline or whatever shit you said."

"you're lying." he said simply and moved to place his half empty mug back on the table next to the worn copy of clockwork orange.

"so? why do you care?" you copied his actions placing your own almost empty drink back down.

he moved his hand so it was on your knee and started tracing small, comforting circles. he used his other hand to grab your jaw, forcing eye contact, "i don't know much 'bout personalities and all that shit that's lemons stuff."

"yes i realised that when i encountered your own unlikeable personality."

his eyes narrowed slightly but he otherwise ignored your snark, "but you seem to be avoiding vulnerability, love."

you pulled away from him. moving your knee away and pulling your face away from his large hand, "no 'm not."

tangerine didn't respond. he simply kept looking at you, like he could see your resolve crumbling, "you don't have to tell me but i don't enjoy being lied to."

you couldn't believe you were considering talking to him about feelings. sure, you were close, you'd been on countless missions together and trusted him completely but this? 

he didn't say anything further but he did replace his hand on your knee continuing rubbing his thumb.

fuck you hated him at the moment.

"i don't feel safe."

he didn't say anything, didn't even falter his movements, just looked at you and waited for you to continue.

"i get nightmares and paranoid after all the fuckin' shit you see in this job." you look down, not liking his eye contact, "i don't feel safe tryin' to sleep."

much to your relief he spoke again, "do you trust me?"

your eyes knitted together in confusion, "yeah tan 'f course."

"lay down."

"what?"

he shuffled closer to the armrest, "you can't sleep. neither can i. so just lay down and relax and we'll stay up together." he pat his lap and looked at you expectantly.

"yeah, okay whatever." you breathed out and shuffled around until you were laying comfortably with your head in his lap and your legs curled up on the couch.

he started running his hand through your hair, smoothing it away from your face, "what’s it going to be then, eh?"

you can't help but smile up at him, "an unlimited supply of milk laced with ecstasy and classical music so good it makes me horny and violent?"

"don't think we'd be able to do all that tonight love."

"oh well i can settle for two weeks straight of horribly gory murder movies."

"yes but you'd have to be violently ill while doing so."

"i think if i got conditioned to hate violence i'd be out of a job."

"well, we can't have that."

"yeah. you'd miss me too much." you couldn't fight the yawn that crept up on you.

tangerine's other hand came down to rest on your cheek, his big hand almost covering your face, "tired, darlin'?"

you froze looking up and glaring, "how'd you do that are you a witch?"

"it's a secret, don't fight it just tell me more about your life as a droog."

"i don't think i'd be a droog."

"no?"

"nah i'd be one of the coppers they seem to have more fun."

"if you were a copper your job would be catching me."

"you wouldn't stand a chance."

"i think i’d be able to evade you for a while."

"nope." you unconsciously wiggled closer into him and yawned again, "what we should do is team up."

"oh yeah?"

"yeah, you snitch on your enemies and i arrest them. win, win scenario."

"how do i know you won't turn against me?"

"i like you too much." your eyes slowly closed, and you finally started sleeping.

tangerine smiled down at you, "yeah, i like you a lot too."

---—---

[ghostedcas]

more random cod headcanons

tw: mentions of self harm, references to OG ghost backstory, angst :)

141 tried to do group therapy together

but they ended up making the therapist cry and the four of them had to awkwardly comfort the therapist

ghost hates therapy with a passion but goes anyway

soap did the tide pod challenge

price lost it at him in the med bay when he found out

"johnny it's a plastic capsule of LAUNDRY DETERGENT!"

"yummy colours🥰"

ghost used to sh on his face

love how i just give yall a bunch of sweet stuff and then BOOM ANGST HEADCANON outta nowhere :)

i feel like he suffers from severe facial dysmorphia, especially after covering his face for so long

sweet pie gang: soap, könig, price

savoury pie gang: ghost and gaz

couldnt care less, just likes pie: horangi

ghost hates coffee but pretends to like it to seem cool (he's actually drinking coffee crisp hot chocolate)

horangi listens to ayesha erotica

he is also a RAGING bisexual (strong lean towards men)

laswell refers to the 141 as her boys, she loves to embarrass them like a mom would

soap and ghost are ATTROCIOUS at cooking

price is pretty good at it, can make quite a lot but struggles with a few harder recipes (and also somehow cannot make instant noodles)

gaz is a GOD in the kitchen but he hates cooking

soap is not allowed in the kitchen alone, once set the kitchen in fire trying to get a glass of water

awkward day on base when that happened

"sorry, can't go into the kitchen, the explosions specialist set it on fire trying to get a drink"

soap listens to classic rock and metal only (and katy perry but he will never admit it)

gaz listens to (shocking literally everyone on the team) music from the 40's, 50's and 60's. he listens to some modern music but he just ADORES the vintage music, especially jazz.

gaz and soap also like therapy

like genuinely enjoy it

gaz has to hype himself up before his appointments though

soap hypes the therapist up

price is neutral, he'd prefer to just smoke and drink to deal with his problems but understands that talking about them with a professional is the best option

ghost, as mentioned before, hates therapy with a burning passion but goes anyway

mostly because he knows he will be put on probation if he doesn't

but also because he knows that he needs the help even if he doesn't want to admit it

also after one of his first month of going to all his appointments that month without skipping one at all, price told simon he was proud of him and now he uses that as motiva to go to his appointments

price knows how to use technology in the weirdest ways

can operate a drone but cannot for the life of him figure out QR codes

a pretty decent hacker but do NOT ask him what any text slang aside from "lol" and "lmao" is. he does not know.

doesn't know that emojis have different meanings depending on context

once said "simon's in the hospital😭" i the TF141 group chat, gaz and soap thought that he was laughing at simon

soap got arrested in croatia on a mission once because he committed arson

kate had to bail him out and he got an earful on being a pyromaniac and arsonist

price just told him to restrict his fire setting to the battlefield

valeria has a medusa tattoo, it's under her chest on her sternum (iykyk)

ghost was tempted to get a medusa tattoo but decided against it because he views it more as a symbol of strength for women (really afab/fem aligned in general) who have suffered through that kind of assault and that it would be wrong to take that from them

he got a tattoo inspired by medusa instead

ghost has his on his hip

he was orginally going to get it on his left ribcage but when the artist was placing the stencil he almost had a panic attack and they both decided a different placement would be better

könig has tattoos for his siblings and his mother (mama's booooyyyyy🗣️)

ghost also has tattoos for his mother, tommy, joseph and even one for beth

is there a male version of a barracks bunny?

because that's horangi, that man is fucking EVERYONE or getting fucked, depends on his mood that night

idk i feel like sometimes they all watch like family guy or bob's burgers together sometimes during their downtime

soap's fav bob's burgers character is gene

price's is teddy

gaz's is tina

ghost's is both louise and bob

könig's is linda

horangi's is mort and kuchi kopi

[callsignfangs]

141 boys as gamers. Yep.

Price:

• Totally the rager.

• Insists the games are stupid and he couldn’t care less about them, he had important work, afterall

• Has to get a new controller/keyboard every few weeks and has multiple controller-sized holes in his walls. Probably even broken a couple mics unintentionally.

• Still plays almost exclusively competitive multiplayer games, tho. Might occasionally dip his toes into horror, challenge, and even collection-based games.

• Unleashes every foul word in his nasty vocab on anyone he dislikes in a game (probably had his mic taken away /j)

Ghost:

• Patience of a saint.

• Tells everyone he doesn’t care about gaming, and tbf he probably cares the least out of the four

• Probably played getting over it with a straight face for funsies

• Also needs to get new equipment often, but just because this dude manhandles it to hell.

• Picks games at random. Probably by the steam homepage. Maybe by requests/recommendations. Does tend to prefer open-world and sci-fi games, though. Also has a very intricate minecraft world he’s spent hundreds of hours on.

Gaz:

• Chaotic as shit

• Always looking for secrets and manages to practically destroy half his game files. He goes looking for an extra coin he missed in a hard to reach cubby two stages back and ends up glitching through the floor twice, skipping three bosses and deletes the save file all in the span of maybe five minutes

• Mans will absolutely feast on any game with decent lore, but actually prefers cosier games like unpacking, minecraft, stardew valley (heavy on stardew). Will happily explore adventure/exploration type games, as well.

• Sits in the weirdest positions when gaming. Mate has both legs straddling the monitor and has folded himself in half like a fleshy garden chair, managing to somehow play the game upside down with maybe a sliver of screen /j

Soap:

• Can’t take shite seriously. Imagine like. A stream with markiplier, wade and ethan as one person. (Gaz is his bob /j)

• Mostly horror games, probably.

• Has gotten banned from multiple platforms bc of this mans OUTRAGEOUS swearing. He pulls out multiple languages, from Scottish to, like, Arabic (ty Farah 😇)

• Speaking of, I think he’s learning a couple of languages. This was bc he accidentally came across a game he really wanted to play that hadn’t been translated to English, so he started learning bits to play it, then he realised he actually really enjoyed learning languages and opening up new opportunities to interact with both games and fans :]

• Most in tune (besides maybe Gaz) with the slang and references his fans make. I like to imagine him saying ‘the girls are fighting’ whenever there’s any fights in a game giggle.

• Has fallen asleep on stream multiple times. Like, he decides to do a gaming marathon and straight up falls asleep in the middle of it. Also if this man doesn’t go to bed at, like, exactly 8pm he will fall asleep right then and there. He’s an old man at heart.

• Makes the stupidest faces. A plot twist had his jaw absolutely snapping to the floor, eyebrows peeking over the clouds and hands on his head. I bet he’s done it so much his jaw clicks.

—

Sosoooo, hey. Im alive 😇😇 Sorry for randomly vanishing, ive had a bunch of personal stuff to deal with and honestly my motivation died a little. I pinky promise im working on asks n stuff 😚 I might stick to more hc-y posts for a bit just to like. get accustomed to everything again. So yaya 😚

[killingmyfavcharacterbcilovethem]

I've seen lots of people making CJ not understand social clues or slangs bc he's from the future, but i present you a new concept:

CJ using slangs from the future and no one understands him

JUST THINK ABOUT IT, casey is a new generation, there's no way that decades after the apocalypse started, people still use the same slangs, and they'd probably all somehow have to do with casey's routine in the apocalypse so sometimes even when he means a good thing, people get it in the wrong way

April: Sorry, i'm late! Were you waiting for too long?

Casey: Nah, it felt like a stab in the heart*

* (not necessarily negative, just meaning that time passed so quickly that it would have taken the same amount of time to die if he had been stabbed in the heart)

Donnie: Hey CJ, how old are you again?

Casey: Dude i'm like almost becoming a Kraang*

*(as in it was common for the few teens his age refer to turning 17 as "becoming a kraang" because kids would usually die young or already be kraangfied by that age)

Mikey: *accidentally breaks something that belongs to cj* Oh! Sorry dude! Was that important?!

Casey: Don't worry dude, it was like an eyeball*

*(it was common to lose an eye or two in the apocalypse, so it's not that important. If you can still live, then there's other people who need more immediate care)

And it gets better if you think about the abbreviations, he probably had to use a lot of them in the future to be quick

But how the hell were the boys supposed to guess the stuff casey says?

(Cellphone)

Leo: Hey, Case ur not in the lair, right? Where u @?

Casey: Hi Leo!! Don't worry Ibbanp*👋👋

Leo: Ah

Leo: Ok :] (lying)

*(i'll be back after night patrol)

------

Casey: hey Raph! I met mikey when i was returning home and he gave me an I-package and asked me to give it to u, i'll leave it on ur room ok?

Raph: Oh ok thx case

("I-" means important so Raph was supposed to open it as soon as possible, he didn't know that and the plants mikey gave him died w/out sunlight😔)

The possibilities are absolutely endless and unlike the opposite of this (when casey tries to figure out what the modern-day slangs mean), they mad dogs can't just google it and try to discover what it means bc casey is quite literally the only person who knows what it means.

But ofc everyone would rather stab themselves than ask what certain thing casey said means (bc asking a friend to explain what they said is the apex of embarrassing yourself) so they have a whole slides presentation about every weird thing casey said and trying to understand them