#Supporting Others

[chronicallycouchbound]

There is a story told and retold in the Middle East about how to help someone who’s drowning.

The story goes that a man had fallen into a river. He was not much of a swimmer and was in real danger of drowning. A crowd of concerned people wanted to rescue him. They were standing at the edge of the water, each of them urgently shouting out to him:

“Give me your hand, give me your hand!”

The man was battling the waves and ignored their urgent plea. He kept going under and was clearly struggling to take another breath. A saintly man walked up to the scene. He too cared about the drowning man. But his approach was different. Calmly he walked up to the water, waded in up to his knees, glanced lovingly at the drowning man, and said:

“Take my hand.”

Much to everyone’s surprise, the drowning man reached out and grabbed the saint’s hand. The two came out of the dangerous water. The drowning man sat up at the edge of the water, breathing heavily, looking relieved, exhausted, and grateful. The crowd turned towards the saint and asked in complete puzzlement: “How were you able to reach him when he didn’t heed our plea?” The saint calmly said:

“You all asked him for something, his hand. I offered him something, my hand. A drowning man is in no position to give you anything.”

Let us remember not to ask anything of someone who is drowning.

From "How to Reach Out to Someone Who Is Struggling" by Omid Safi

[catiandchocolate]

I want to free a whole week soon and just read original works and fanfics (written by my moots and people I’m following) and comment, leave kudos and stuff, and also appreciate artwork. I’m going to forget about the books I’m reading and focus on supporting and contributing to underrated fan work and original work. If I want change, I gotta contribute and make change 🔥

(To all my moots that have original work and stuff published, I’m gonna read it all soon I promise <3)

[a-ros-in-bloom]

Check on your stable friends. The ones who seem to have their life together, the ones you rely on when you’re drowning. Chances are they may be drowning too. They have just been forced to hide it for so long, that they’ve just gotten used to it. Remember… the brightest smiles hide the most pain.

[enetarch]

Trust is built when you ask someone for help!

Do you trust them?

Will they respect your boundaries?

Will they support you through the process of getting what you need?

[that-one-vent-blog]

hey everyone!

look, as i scroll through tumblr i see people everyday who may need to get some feelings off thier chest.

Thats what this blog is for. Venting.

I dont judge. and plus, you have the option to remain anonomous in asks with vents.

So if you do ever need to vent, or just wish to make anything known like youre here for someone or want to make an issue in the community well known, pop it in my ask box with a little note with whether you want your answer public, just between us, an answer at all- im literally THE safe space.

anything is welcome here , except no Hate toward other venters and no nsfw media please.

as i said, this blog is for everyone.

[non-conventionnel]

Discovering inner strength is the hardest journey, but once achieved, almost nothing is impossible. The key is to use this newfound strength to support others. - Anonymous

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #139

Today passed by in kind of a blur. I thought I might try to sing today. I thought I might try to play Elden Ring today. Somehow, I managed to fail at getting around to either of these things.

But that's all right. Instead, I made a tea. Today, it was matcha with toasted rice, sweetened with honey and cream. Please give a warm hello and maybe some nice scritches to Mogwai as you peruse these:

Br visited today and that was very good. She was in a very depressed, anxious, and generally tumultuous state when she came. So we had a lot of hugs and conversation, and I tried to help her in whatever ways I could. At some point when her appetite returned a little, I went ahead and made her some rice with natto, eggs, and kimchi:

I made bowls for her, for J, and for myself. Br had never had duck eggs, and we had two left, so I prepared one duck egg and one chicken egg for her, so she could compare the two. And for J, he also got one duck egg and one chicken egg. I made myself two chicken eggs, and I made the yolks nice and runny, and they flavored the rice very nicely when I mixed everything up! Br seems to feel a little better now; my house tends to have that effect on people, I guess.

...This combination of ingredients makes for a very wholesome bowl of deliciousness. I really wish you were here so that I could have prepared a bowl for you. I'm sorry that these pictures and these words are the best I can do for you.

At some point, I fixed more of my writings in this space; I've added cuts up until my 90th letter to you. Tomorrow, I intend to fix up to number 120, and then I'll be almost caught up. I came across some really good ones as I trundled along with the fixing...

How to use box breathing to come out of a panic:

How to use singing as a coping skill to prevent flashbacks before they start:

A couple of letters detailing a realization I had, and calling you to do the work to re-wire your neurons:

A framework for challenging self-destructive beliefs, also known as REBT:

And a letter explaining all about what ACEs are and how they affect people:

...I can't believe I have written this many. I wonder how many I'll have written by the time you're safe and well again. I wonder if you'd still want me to write to you after that, if by some small miracle you're even able or willing to read these at all... Hm...

M was out getting his car inspected. But he ended up twisting and spraining his ankle in the parking lot when he was walking to his car on his way home. I can relate strongly to his pain; having Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and dyspraxia at the same time, I end up spraining my ankles often enough simply because I have no idea where my feet are and my cartilage is extra stretchy to the point that it can't really keep my bones together very well, so when I make mistakes with the walking, it's VERY easy for my foot to bend way too far, and then the surrounding muscles get super pissed.

As you might imagine, I've had to treat myself for this a lot, so when M told me what happened, I knew what to do; I wrapped a compression bandage around the affected ankle, gave him some ibuprofen to take down the swelling, elevated his leg, and gave him some ice to stick on it. He'll be okay in a week or two, and I'll keep an eye on it diligently, so no worries; he's in good hands, I promise!

I felt the need to be semi-attentive to the the folks in my house following this, so I did some writing while generally trying to keep alert to other people's needs. I'm hoping to either sing the song or play some Elden Ring tomorrow, or maybe both if I get lucky! I wonder if you'd watch me do these things, or even participate in doing these things, if you were here... I hope you would. It'd be fun, I think.

...I don't have much else for you today, so I guess I'll stop writing before I end up rambling, haha. As always, thanks for reading.

I love you. Please stay safe out there. I'll write to you again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[kittenboom]

I really like that haha. I need to try this next time.

I usually say (gently) something along the lines of, "you keep apologising (to me) or saying "I'm sorry", but I what I am hearing is actually "thank you" (for *patience/understanding/support/insert thing*), in which case "you are very welcome & certainly no apology needed".

If done with tact & humour, this usually ends the apology cycle immediately and you can move onto a different topic.

I use this with my mum a lot this year as she dealt with cancer and related medical issues and I have assisted her a lot. If someone is repeatedly apologising for something (when they shouldn't be), reframing the situation can sometimes help. Most people hate feeling like a burden, & it's so easy to say "I'm sorry for existing/impacting you" instead of "thank you for being there for me" even though that's what we really mean.

This other tact of completely throwing them off guard with absurdity is also great. Kinda like when you distract small children with something funny to stop them from crying from shock lol.

There are some great infographics out there on this, I might circle back to this & share some.

When encountering someone stuck in an Apology Loop, I do not uselessly ask, or worse, demand that they “stop apologizing.”

Rather, I have found it much more useful to affect a theatrical tone and formally “absolve” them. “Like a Renaissance pope, I absolve you, my child.” Usually the combination of having the absurdity of the situation highlit, combined with a touch of physiological release if I can get a laugh, is enough to soothe their nerves a bit and get them to break the loop. And who knows maybe they feel absolved I dunno I have an authoritative bearing

[chronicallycouchbound]

How To Support People

Sometimes, when someone is struggling, we default to giving or offering what support we would want in that specific situation. We don’t mean to, but it can cause harm to someone who we are trying to help.

So what can we do instead? I would ask people: “How can I support you?” But it was often too open-ended. My loved ones didn’t know what they needed.

Mental, emotional, and physical are support types that can be used to give personalized offers for support! Sometimes, people need specific offers of support, usually a mix of types.

Mental support could be:

Facts

Wisdom

Constructive feedback

Solutions

Advice

Solutions

Resources

Mentoring

Guidance

Pros and cons

Advocacy

Reminders

Logical steps

Planning

Some examples can look like: - “I complied resources for you” - “Let’s make a support plan together” - “When I was in a similar situation, I did…”

Emotional support could be:

Validation

Venting

Commiseration

Solidarity

Affirmation

Listening

Check-ins

Distraction

Space

Comfort

Praise

Motivation

AITA?

Some examples can look like: - “Tell me what’s bothering you” - “I think it’s reasonable that you feel this way” - “You got this!” - “Do you need space?”

Physical support could be:

Housework/chores

Physical touch

Mutual aid funds

Body doubling

Acts of service

Gifts

Flowers

Food

Cards

Transportation

Some examples can look like: - “I finished your to-do list for you” - “I made you your favorite dinner” - “Let’s do this together” - “Can I make a fundraiser for this?”

We all have various needs and capacities, but I hope we can all find creative solutions to help support each other. Keep caring.

[catiandchocolate]

I didn’t truly understand the importance of comments and traction for underrated artists until I myself became a writer.

It keeps us going, motivates us, makes us happy. Seeing others enjoy stuff we created. That we love. Plus fanfic writers and artists on social media literally post their stuff for FREE.

I know it’s hard to find every single small artist. And it’s hard to read everything. But PLEASE. If you see an artwork, LIKE it. Reblog it. Comment on it. Even something simple. Engage with small creators. Leave kudos on fanfics. It’s just one simple click. One click to make someone happy.

[cupofteajones]

Quote of the Day - February 23, 2025

[himmurf]

Can I get some comfort? I posted this to a local queer Facebook group to derision from an admin and a user. They act like I am a traitor to the community for even consider doing this for my safety in a private sector of my life...

For those people who need to hear it, there is nothing wrong with going back into the closet for your own safety. You aren't less queer because you can't be queer publicly. You aren't less trans because you have to act like you're not trans.

If you need to start going by your old pronouns or quietly go back into the closet to be safe - you are allowed to do that. Please do that if it means you're alive.

Your safety is important.

You are important.

And if you know someone who has to do this, don't push them. Don't out them. Follow their lead. People's safety is more important that grandstanding.

[mellohirust]

[kindnessisstillhere]

Giving Support

In stories it's always easy;

Say this thing to help,

Do this action for silent support,

Simple actions for the thing.

In life that's not so clear,

Will touch help or hurt someone?

Will it actually comfort or upset?

There's no script to reallt support,

Just trying our best each time.

[monstermonger]

Romanticism-inspired fantasy.

Joining inprnt’s print sale through the weekend 💜