#Yoga for Anxiety and Depression: My Experience

[yogahubyt]

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#YogaForFitness

#BeginnersYoga

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[theblackfemininesociety]

Feminine Tip #003: Invest In Your Fitness Journey Sis 🔑

Ladies, Fitness takes your look to the next level.

Let’s have a little heart-to-heart about something super important. We all know that confidence and self-love are at the core of our power, but what if I told you that fitness could be your secret weapon to your leveling up journey ?

Feminine women set a higher bar for themselves.

Why Fitness?

1. Glow from Within: When you work out, you’re not just toning your body; you’re also boosting your mood, energy, and overall well-being. ✨

2. Confidence Booster: There’s something incredibly powerful about challenging your physical limits and coming out on top. Whether it’s lifting heavier weights, running that extra mile, or mastering a new yoga pose, every victory makes you feel like the queen you are. 👑

3. Fashion Flex: Let’s be real, clothes fit differently when you’re toned and strong. That favorite dress or those killer jeans? They look even better when you’ve got that fitness edge. Plus, the confidence you radiate makes any outfit look like a million bucks. 💃🏾

4. Mental Clarity: Fitness isn’t just about the body; it’s also about the mind. Regular exercise helps reduce stress, anxiety, and even depression. A clear mind means you can conquer anything, from boardroom meetings to brunch plans. 🧘🏿‍♀️

📌 How To Get Started

1. Find Your Jam: Not everyone loves the gym, and that’s okay! Explore different types of workouts until you find something you love. Dance classes, hiking, swimming, Pilates, or even a fun Zumba session—there’s something out there for everyone.

2. Set Realistic Goals: Rome wasn’t built in a day, and your fitness journey won’t be either. Start with small, achievable goals and celebrate every milestone. Progress, no matter how small, is still progress. 🏅

3. Squad Goals: Everything’s better with friends. Find a workout buddy or join a fitness group. Having a support system can keep you motivated and make the whole experience a lot more fun. 👯‍♀️

4. Self-Care is Key: Remember, fitness is a form of self-love. Listen to your body, rest when you need to, and don’t be too hard on yourself. Your journey is unique, and every step forward is a step towards a better you. 🛁💕

😼 Let’s Do This!

Ladies, it’s time to reclaim our power and elevate our lives through fitness. Let’s embrace the strength, beauty, and confidence that come from taking care of our bodies. Whether you’re a fitness newbie or a seasoned pro, there’s always room to grow and glow.

So, lace up those comfy sneakers, put on your favorite workout gear, and let’s stand on FITNESS the same we stand on business. The next level is waiting for you, and it’s going to be game changing 💋

Don’t forget to surround yourself with what you want to become! follow us on Instagram 💋

[vivaciousofficiall]

Wellness Series : If you want to get prettier, get HEALTHIER.

Holistic health is an approach to health and wellness that addresses the mind, body & soul. One of its core beliefs is that physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being all contribute to the overall health of an individual.

Therefore, it seeks to improve the WHOLE system rather than just the physical aspect.

Over the past year, I observed that as my health improved, so did my looks. I noticed I began to have a youthful glow, lost weight, toned up & achieved an overall vibrant look.

It's a beautiful journey & I am still learning everyday.

Whether you're new to this space or not, here are two holistic approaches to wellness to get healthy & sexy at the same time. Enjoy x

Juicing/Smoothies.

This is a beginner friendly approach to living a healthier life. One struggle most people face is adjusting to the taste and texture of greens. Juicing is a great way to get your nutrients in without all the hassle.

Tips

Slowly is the fastest way- You can start 2-3 times a week & go from there. This gives your body grace to adjust to the extra fibre.

Do your research: Books, podcasts, blogs, Interviews can all be accessed easily. Learn recipes that fit your particular needs.

Be consistent & patient: Don't just try it for a week and give up. It takes time and effort.(compound effect)

Releasing Stuck Emotions In The Body.

This is another powerful way to get healthier (prettier).

When we experience trauma as children & we are unable to process our emotions, we tend to internalise it and think there must be something wrong with us. As this continues, we begin to store negative emotions within our body.

Stuck emotions can manifest in numerous ways like : poor posture, low self esteem, anxiety, depression, poor self concept and even health conditions. As you begin releasing stuck emotions you start to look younger, vibrant, healthier and glowy.

Ways to release emotions in the body

Daily Movement

Therapy/ Coaching

Meditation

Inner child healing

Journaling

Yoga

Cord cutting rituals

Forgiveness of self and others.

Tips for beginners: Do not try to make huge changes all at once but rather small changes everyday.

Share this with your wellness bestie today !

xoxo, Vivacious

[gorgeouslypink]

How to Relax

It's common knowledge that you need to relax to enter the void. However, I haven't really seen any posts (on tumblr atleast) on how to do this so that's what this post will cover.

EFT Tapping

EFT tapping is an alternative acupressure therapy treatment used to restore balance to your disrupted energy. It's been an authorized treatment for war veterans with PTSD, and it's demonstrated some benefits as a treatment for anxiety, depression, physical pain, and insomnia. I discovered EFT tapping around 3 months ago when I used to struggle with insomnia and this video helped to finally relax and sleep. I highly recommend this, not just to enter the void, but just to relax in general.

Breathing Techniques

You're probably going to have to experiment with this one. A lot of people say 4-4-4 (4 seconds breathing in, 4 seconds holding, 4 seconds breathing out) helps them relax, whereas others say 4-7-8. For me, just taking calm deep breaths is what works because whenever I have to keep pace, I get a little anxious.

Guided Meditations

I'm pretty sure you guys know how much I love the alpha state meditation I always recommend and it's because it's just soooo relaxing. Guided meditations in general can help you relax but I highly recommend that specific one.

Commanding your Body to Relax

This is probably my most recommended way to relax, especially if you're going to use the sleep paralysis method and if you've ever done guided meditations for sleep paralysis or astral projection, you've probably been walked through this before. The way to do this method is to lie down on your back with none of your limbs touching. In your head, focus on a certain part of your body and tense it. Then, tell yourself to relax that part. Feel it relax. Do this to your entire body. Don't forget your face because your facial muscles are like the secret key to completely relaxing. Once you've done this to your entire body, you'll be really relaxed!

61 points

So this final method was something I totally forgot about until I made this post. When I was researching about the void, I came across this 61 points online guided meditation that claimed it would take you into yoga nidra, or a "state where you are in deep sleep, yet wide awake." This seemed like the void but in another name and I wanted to use it but I never did but now I do want to try it so I might try it out soon and write about my experience. This is the site where I learned about the 61 point method and this and this is for yoga nidra it if you want to research on your own. I remember seeing a lot of meditations on YouTube for it so I would recommend looking into those!

[ash-says]

How to tackle Fragmented Sleep/ Sleep disruptions :

This post is inspired and geared to help @thisisneededfmr .

Also to every one of those who are going through similar issues. It becomes extremely taxing when you can't sleep peacefully at night. You keep on waking up in between after some hours if not then suddenly you are half asleep which according to me is even more annoying. Being an insomniac or nightmares can make this condition even worse.

Sleep fragmentation can be described as frequent interruption or disruption in the normal sleep cycle. It can cause various chronic health issues as well as have repercussions on mental health.

Ways to tackle Fragmented Sleep:

1) Develop a sleep schedule:

Instead of being a night owl jump into your bed and try to sleep. It will be difficult at first but slowly and steadily you might fall asleep. Count numbers?? Try to sleep at the same time everyday. Because once it becomes a habit you will automatically feel sleepy.

2) Avoid Caffeine or any foods that result in hyperactivity:

Coffee is infamous for making you feel nervous and jittery. So avoid it before bedtime hours. Any kind of foods that result in a hyperactive nervous system cancel them out.

3) Practice relaxation techniques:

Listen to calming music, do breath work, meditate, read a nice book before you fall asleep. This might help in calming your nerves.

4) Exercise regularly and do yoga before sleeping:

The benefits of exercise are well known to us. I don't want to waste my time in convincing you about it. There are some specific yoga asanas you can do before sleeping and trust me it works like wonders. One of my friends when I used to live in a dorm made us do it and the sleep after that was just a chef's kiss.

5) Limit screen time before bed:

The radiations emitted by the phone or electronic devices disturb your sleep cycle. So try not to use your phone before you fall asleep. In fact at my home this is a rule we never sleep with the phones near us. They are kept at a great distance so that the quality of sleep is not disturbed.

6) Try not to do work or other activities in bed:

I read it somewhere on Tumblr long back please if anyone knows the blog kindly tag them in comments so I can give the reference here. It stated that you should only use your bed for sleeping as it will automatically signal your brain to sleep once you are in there.

7) Address your mental issues:

Most of the time sleep fragmentation is caused by psychological problems. Is there something you are trying to escape from? Or are you in a stressful environment? Depression? Anxiety? Adhd?etc you get my point right. Try to fix those issues. Your problem might be arising from there. Who knows.

8) Check your medicines if you are on any:

Literally!!! I am not kidding. It's really serious. Some medicines put your nervous system in hyperactive mode resulting in fragmented sleep. Check with your doctor and share these things with them. If the problem has started after you started the dosage maybe it's responsible for it.

From here the suggestions are based on personal experience with no scientific data to back it up. Use your own discernment.

9) Hug someone or something and sleep:

This works for me sometimes. If there's someone you are close to then try asking them if they would be okay to sleep while hugging you or holding you close. It's therapeutic. Plus it helps in relaxing the adrenaline in your body and brings you out of the survival mode.

10) Sleep in an open space:

Sometimes our bodies are not able to relax in a confined place. It's part of a phase especially if you have trauma related to closed areas. It can be triggering for your body and your brain might wake you up in between to look for danger. So sleeping in an open space like a balcony or something might work.

11) Keep a knife under your pillow:

I know this sounds ridiculous but it's a belief in our culture that doing it solves sleep related issues. Especially if you are having nightmares. And even if it doesn't work you have a knife to swing if someone attacks you in case. It's cool.

12) See a doctor:

When nothing of the above helps and even your own techniques that you might know it's high time you take professional help. It's not something you should ignore.

Being stated all that I really wish you a GOOD NIGHT SLEEP and pray that you overcome these issues. There are a lot of underlying causes that result in sleep fragmentation but the main one being Stress, Trauma, Emotional distress,etc.

So find a friend and vent it out if you are going through any negative state of mind. If you don't have anyone my ask box is always open. Drop a message and I will try to reach out to you as soon as I can.

Reminder: You are doing great given the circumstances. So keep fighting on and don't let anything have power over you.

[dulcedebusse]

Three months on T babyyyyy

Wanted to share my experience as a hesitant nonbinary person on low (currently 1/4) dose T. This will be long but I'll try to organize.

Body:

-- Overall fat distribution and weight loss. I got cut in like three weeks flat? I think this is due in part to me not knowing how to eat properly with an increased metabolism. But for real. I lost the fat on my arms that had never gone away even on a good work out plans (and ffff even when I was anorexic). I lost most of the little pouch below my belly button. Fat from my legs, gone my dude just GONE. I'm eating properly now and these changes have stayed. I don't work out at all these days but I magically have more definition. I'm ecstatic.

-- Bottom growth. Yes right on day 2 even on low dose. I had a little growth spurt in the first three weeks, during which I was very sensitive and very horny (challenging combination). Since this growth spurt, nothing has changed and the sensitivity has gone down; I'm actually less sensitive than I was before. For me this is great because it was previously very easy to get overstimulated there in a bad/painful way. Hoping for another growth spurt soon. It's CUTE and I LOVE IT.

-- Body hair: no changes as far as I can tell. Maybe some of it grows a little faster. I've let the few hairs I have below my belly button grow out for the first time ever, and I think it's pretty cute.

-- Voice: no change as far as I can tell. Two coworkers did comment on my voice today but I am also sick.

-- Sweat: I notice my palms sweat more often, otherwise no change. This is kind of positive for me since before they'd only sweat if I was an anxiety goo blob; now it's just kind of a normal thing so I no longer associate it with that state.

-- Period: My first one on T was so minor and I got excited. Less mood swings, less pain. The second one... put me down. It was absolutely horrible, extremely painful with bad moodswings, and my dysphoria went through the roof. This was the first time in my life I considered calling out of work for it. I have since started BC to stop my period because my T dose is too low to affect it--that came with a host of other things to deal with. Wish me luck.

-- Chronic pain: I have pretty bad back pain and hold a lot of tension in my shoulders and hips. I also have tendonitis and my hands often hurt like crazy in the cold or after I wake up. All of this has decreased significantly. My shoulders aren't crunchy! I would have had to do 1 hr of yoga per day to minimize my pain this much beforehand. (Have tested this.) I am amazed. I needed this so so badly.

Mind / mood:

-- Hunger: yes I'm hungry! Almost all the time! But it's also more manageable. Previously hunger would make me nauseous, angry, overall not functional. Now it's just plain hunger and it's pretty easy to take care of. I had some ED history so its amazing to just eat food that tastes good and feel good about it.

-- Irritability: a lot of people warned me about this but for me it's been very minor. I have noticed that in conflict I am more likely to not turn everything inward, which is actually pretty positive. (For example if I get crap at work, I'm more likely to write it off on the other person rather than have a breakdown in the bathroom and blame myself and spiral).

-- Sadness: I still feel normal levels of sad about things that are sad. I cry less about dumb stuff, but I still cry about serious stuff. I have depression and I do feel like it presents slightly differently--more just numbness, less sobbing.

-- Dysphoria: my day to day dysphoria has significantly decreased. When I do get dysphoria, it is much much worse.

-- Energy: I have more energy! Which is amazing because the main thing my depression does is take all my energy away. This has leveled off but in the beginning it was a very significant change.

Ok that's all I can think of. Feel free to ask me questions.

I'm so happy I'm doing this for myself. It's a very low dose, and I'm sure many people would prefer faster/greater changes, but thus far this has been so right for me. I'm choosing to participate in the creation of my self. For the first time in my life, I'm not chasing satisfaction to only end up with dissociation.

✌️

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

an ugly ride

this situation deeply triggered me

I could feel the tornado in my mind

the spinning and fire and deep deep feelings

of shame and worthlessness and powerlessness

suddenly feeling like I deserved the punishment

the blame and the disrespect and insults

it was scary not to be able to control my thoughts

to think I was hysterical and crazy because of that

which means the wounding was deeper than I thought

shit ok this experience was a good reality check

this feeling moved in cycles the last two summers

being blamed for being depressed and overwhelmed

there was no money and most the time I didn't have a car

and I was being devalued and discarded and invalidated

and he told everyone around us that I was the problem

triangulated me and exiled me from the family

and criticized literally everything I was doing

he mentioned today that I went off my anxiety

and depression medication but I did that with

my doctor and made significant changes to my routines

to keep myself regulated with journaling and yoga

prescribed medical cannabis and a tool box of

creative and logical coping mechanisms

if there's no money for food or health insurance

it kind of makes therapy a low priority

nothing was done randomly or without planning

I have all of this documented which means on some level

I knew what was going on but

didn't know how to get out of it quickly

yes, I have trauma and can be triggered

but the time between the dysregulation reaction

and my ability to come back to a place of balance

has improved in significant ways

there has been good progress

and I actually know and have accepted my trauma

with journals of shadow work and information

and wisdom and knowledge that I have put into

practice in my daily life and know

how to stay in the present moment

I have habits of isolation and avoidance

but the kids are doing well and like themselves

they feel safe with me even though with all these changes

I've been a little less focused while I build back up

a personal and professional identity that I willingly

sacrificed to be with Theo during his formative years

and to support the man I married build his business

because I thought I was building a life together

with someone who never quite made good on his promises

and I don't regret making that choice

I couldn't have known the future

even if I ended up financially fucked

and mentally manipulated to a point where

I forgot for awhile who I was

the path forward will only solidify my new life

and this new version of myself I am currently becoming

everything is okay and nothing has changed

everything I have rebuilt is still here

for a moment it just felt like the world was crumbling

and that makes sense with my experiences

the universe moves for you not against you

and other people are just characters

who show you parts of yourself

that you need to acknowledge and love

or in this case heal and learn from

everything is okay and everything lost

is replaceable and I just have to keep moving forward

and I will believe the best is yet to come

I can always write another story

to deal with the anger I have for him

healing and releasing trauma

means walking steadfast through the situations

that trigger the shit out of you

and noticing how you respond differently

and at least I can do that right now

and I'm proud

[b-courageous1010]

Day 5: Workplace, Mental Health, and Prioritizing Yourself  

Wellness in the workplace should be talked about more. With how fast pace things can get, it's easy to get off your routine, and your mental health can slip. I had my monthly session with my mentor, and it was surprising that we touched on mental health and how it should be discussed more. It's the elephant in the room, especially since COVID and the shift to remote working. Although everyone knows that corporate culture can be very unhealthy, we also know that the work needs to get done. Realizing this is what pushed me to take my mental health seriously.

In my last position, I suffered from burnout and promised never to let it happen again. To prevent it, I need to find ways to stay grounded at work and in my personal life. It's essential that I set boundaries and limit my work hours. 

I do this by taking my lunch break daily unless I have something urgent. Taking that hour lets me catch my breath in a sense.    

I log in at 8 and am finished by 5, especially when working from home.   

On the weekends, I avoid opening my laptop so I don't get sucked into work. Instead, I keep track of important dates in my planner.  

I also neglected my personal life in my last position because I was also in school. Since that's no longer an issue, I've been focusing on myself and doing a lot of inner work. I learned that not prioritizing my personal life was affecting my professional life. Such as:   

Not working on my anxiety made me paranoid that I would make a costly mistake that overtook my entire being, and I would be so hard on myself.    

Not checking my depression caused my lack of self-confidence to ooze from my pores, and people could see it a mile away.    

Neglecting my spirituality and not being present in my own life.   

At one point, I reached a breaking point and finally asked for help. Since then, I've taken the advice of giving myself grace and taking time to relax. My focus has been improving my mental health to achieve my full potential.   

I started a journalling routine to reflect on my experiences and think through any issues.  

I introduced yoga as a form of meditation to keep me grounded and present. 

Each morning, I read an entry from a meditation book that helps me confront my codependency.  

I'm working on my inner self and confronting the parts I used to run away from.  

I've realized that it is okay to make mistakes and that growth is more important than perfection. As a result, I'm allowing myself to feel confident and happy in my abilities.   

Since making myself a priority and working on my inner self, I experienced a significant improvement in a short period, Situations that used to overwhelm me no longer affect me. I have gained control over my anxiety and improved my confidence. 

Completing assignments is easier 

I am confident in building relationships with my coworkers   

I can step out of my comfort zone and communicate through emails with ease 

I have also established a routine I can stick to at work and in my personal life.  

While I am still determining where I aspire to be, I am light-years away from where I started. During the conversation with my mentor, we discussed the importance of pursuing interests outside of work. She shared how she spent 3 hours drawing out plans for her backyard renovation project and how fulfilling it was to create something with her hands. This inspired me to think about how I can bring more sweetness into my life. I am considering the following activities: 

Enrolling in an acro yoga class  

Learning a new instrument or reviving my old skills.  

Spending more time in nature and capturing moments through photography  

Reconnecting with spiritual practices, I may have drifted away from. 

I'm grateful for the desire to improve and the willingness to never give up. I plan on having a long career in corporate, and while prioritizing my mental health is half the battle, I know I can handle whatever comes my way.  

Music Challenge Day 5: A song by an artist you’ve love for awhile.

Mine: I love me some Jon B 💜💜

My Aunt: She absolutely loves her and as it turns out we are both huge Tamia fans 🤗

[you-didnt]

Ok. I've complained a bit here and there about having long covid but I've never really gotten into detail. Since I just reblogged a post about how most of society has decided to ignore covid I'm going to elaborate on why you don't want to catch it (again).

I, personally, struggle most with a very high heart rate, pain in my legs and cold-like symptoms when I overextert myself (which is called PEM, post extertional malaise, and the symptoms for that can vary too). Most days I just feel "wrong" (I have read people say it feels like being poisoned or microwaved) and fatigued, I have to sleep 10 hours to feel mildly rested. Sometimes there are new things: Last week I had chest pain and a headache that came out of nowhere and left just that suddenly. Due to that, my anxiety and depression have become worse. I'm afraid to move too much because every step could be the one that puts me back in bed again. Right now I've settled between 3k and 5k steps a day, depending on what kind of day it is. I have, comparatively, mild symptoms. I can leave the bed, if it's not a very shit day I can leave the house, my cognitive functions aren't affected, I can go for walks. At my worst I've been moderate. Here's the thing: "Moderate" has been so awful it made me suicidal. And there's hundreds of thousands of people out there who have it worse. It often turns into mecfs, which is a very similar but a lot worse can of worms I'm not going to open right now.

I've read countless stories about long covid. Some people have caught covid at the very beginning of the pandemic and have been struggling with it ever since. Some have healed after a few months, only to relapse after a while (what happened to me last month). That while can be anything between a week and a year. You think you're safe and suddenly it all comes back. It's unpredictable. It's scary. It also changes. Some symptoms leave, some new ones appear. It can affect literally any part of the body, you name it and there's at least one person out there who has developed issues with it after having covid. I'm in the longhaulers subreddit that is slowly approaching 40k members and while discussing symptoms and remedies, a big part of that subreddit is people talking each other out of suicide.

Doctors! Do! Not! Help! (Most of them at least) I know from the disabled community that this, sadly, has always been a thing, but it hurts a different kind of way to experience it yourself. I have a very nice GP who's written me referrals to specialists (who can offer me an appointment sometime in March next year but that's a different story) and who generally believes me, but unfortunately I know more than her about long covid and she can't help me. I begged a different doctor to prescribe me meds that have helped others and she refused and said she could get me a bed in a in-patient clinic for 3 weeks. That clinic (like the doctor in association) believes it's psychosomatic and it should be treated that way, like countless other doctors in every country around the globe. There are several indicators that prove long covid is not psychosomatic. I, just like everyone else struggling with this, know that doing yoga and meditating for 3 weeks isn't going to help and could even make it worse in some cases (remember PEM? That can lead to your baseline becoming permanently worse), that there's something wrong with the body, not just with the mind. But there isn't enough scientific evidence because studies on it (and with it I mean both long covid and mecfs) are criminally underfunded. There are some that look promising, but the scientists working on it say they can't do shit if they don't have the resources.

There is hope. With more and more people being affected (10%-30% of everyone who catches covid) it shifts more into the public eye. The first trial of a very promising looking medication just started in Germany and it might be available by the end of 2023/beginning of 2024. There's some existing meds and dietary supplements that seem to help some. But it's all just trial and error and since doctors don't know anything, all we can rely on is anecdotal evidence. I'm extremely scientific when it comes to these things so I had to... adjust to relying on some peoples experience instead of studies, but just to give you a picture of my desparation: I'm currently taking about 10+ different supplements a day, started doing breathwork exercises (which genuinely seems to help), completely changed up my diet and have gotten a hold of those meds my doctor didn't want to prescribe me another way (still legal, don't worry). I've tried.... fucking Reiki even though I have very strong feelings towards anything anthroposophic. Very few of them are positive. I am feeling a lot better than I did after my relapse a month ago, I have no idea what exactly helped or if it was just resting, but something helped.

Also I'm adding this because I feel like I can't talk about covid without talking about the vaccine: I've been vaccinated. Twice plus the booster. I've always been 100% pro vaxx. But now I have to question getting vaccined for the first time in my life, because there's a considerable amount of longhaulers who got worse after the vaccine. I know we don't like to talk about this because it invites anti-vaxxers to the conversation, but I think this is a conversation we need to have at some point.

So. Yeah. The next time you think "I don't need a mask" think of me and all the others who had a mild infection and didn't get better afterwards. There is a pretty high chance this could be you if you get covid.

[depressiongofuckoff]

FO depression - the beginning.....

I've been told for years by so many of my friends that I should write a book about my life. I guess I have lived through a lot of craziness - more than most people I know. What's funny though, is growing up, I never saw it that way. I knew my experiences weren't usual, none of my friends were going through the same things I was, but I just figured that was life and that's how it was supposed to be. I realize now that if I had stepped outside of myself and looked at my life through the eyes of somebody else, I would have said write that book immediately!

I have considered doing so for a long time now, but for what reason? I don't want to simply spew the sordid details of my life, I'm not aiming to entertain anyone with the crazy that was my life. I certainly don't want any f****** pity, I know that I've endured a lot, but I have never pulled the "poor me" card, nor have I felt sorry for myself. And I'm not looking for a pat on the back for overcoming what I have.

So, the point of telling my story is to offer hope. It's to show that if I can get to the place where I am today, just about anyone can.

Extremely important to remember is that I am in no way qualified to dispense advice. I am not a professional and cannot recommend any treatment protocols. I am simply telling you what I have done to show that there are so many options for treatment. The ones that worked for me may not work for you, and ones that didn't help me just might help you. So please just read this to understand that there are many channels to explore when seeking help with your mental health - and to remember that not every channel is the correct one for you, so please, keep exploring and searching for that right one  - the one that can bring you peace.

In order for my story to have true meaning, I have to delve into my darkest memories, the beliefs I held, the stories I told myself, the deplorable way I treated myself. I have to convey the dark despair that I have felt for most of my life for you to be able to compare it to where I am today, and then you can see why I believe there is hope for all of us.

Hope it's something I lost many, many, many, many years ago. Like I mentioned in my first post, I'm 55 years old now and have been in some sort of therapy for 39 years. The fun began when I was 16 years old after my first suicide attempt, but honestly I've been battling what's felt like an endless onslaught of demons, both internal and external, for as long as I can remember. 

I felt like I had tried everything available - the typical talk therapy, hypnosis, acupuncture, music therapy, occupational therapy, naturopathic medicine, yoga practice which focused on the Mind Body Connection that would undoubtedly leave me in the fetal position hysterically crying, chakra cleansing and energy balancing, every medication (at least it feels that way) big Pharma had to offer, Electroconvulsive Therapy (yes, think "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"), Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, several methods of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy for trauma, not to mention at least a dozen stays in various psychiatric facilities across the country, and my most recent exploration of the use of psychedelics.

When you do go through all these various treatments, and try with all your fucking might to get well, but just can't, that word "hope" just doesn't exist in your vocabulary.

Over my decades of therapy, it was determined that I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, Treatment Resistant Depression, Bipolar II Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My initial diagnosis, at age 16, was Boderline Personality Disorder (a somewhat controversial diagnosis to assigned at my age).

No matter the diagnosis - it was a label. Sometimes it's nice to have an actual diagnosis - it helps to make sense of whatever symptoms we're experiencing. And it often feels that with a diagnosis comes a remedy.

That's true (most of the time) when it comes to strep throat, an ear infection, a broken ankle - these all have seemingly easy fixes. When it comes to mental health - those diagnoses just bring with them a plethora of additional burdens. Because now we have to really look deep into the dark recesses of our brains and determine why the hell we feel so fucked up.

Sure, we can turn to pharmacology and hope and pray that medication will help us snap out of our darkness and bring us back amongst the living. Unfortunately, it's rarely that easy. And based on your situation, age, and the doctors sought after for treatment, some people may be offered meds right away to help combat their depression and anxiety, while others encouraged to enter some form of therapy, and oftentimes, both are suggested.

Many of the therapies I underwent did truly help, while a few just caused more pain and trauma - namely the physical and emotional side effects of ECT and the unconscionable words of a few therapists, the so-called healers who were assigned to help me but only inflicted more shame and greater harm.

The sad thing is that I've only compounded those feelings of shame and guilt by my actions that occurred because of my original feelings of desperation.

So that means that not only have I had to work on healing the pain I've felt most of my life, but I've had to also face the pain that I inflicted on not only myself, but my family and friends. It's just one big, fucking, vicious cycle!

I'm finally at a place in my life where I'm ready to jump off that proverbial hamster wheel and catapult myself onto a level path - one that's surrounded by bright light, hope, peace, and not only a will to live, but excitement to see what the future holds for me.

So if you like, follow me and read my story, and, if you're struggling right now, maybe it'll offer you a bit of hope for a happy future!

Post

[emilynthephoto]

This is just me wanting to express myself. I haven’t gotten to express myself much publicly lately b/c A: I’ve been too busy, B; my ADD brain doesn’t allow my thoughts to come out coherently (you may have only caught me on a good day, maybe, that’s a big maybe) C; sometimes I do feel a little anxious about expressing my opinion. But no one should feel that way as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. However, it’s the way the world is so I accept my anxiety over it.

It doesn’t discount what others feel. I’m not special in any way. I cried over the fact that I have anxiety but I don’t take medication and I let bad habits in my anxiety & ADD put roadblocks in the way of what needs to get done this weekend. So honestly, I’m a hot mess so in my view maybe my opinion isn’t worth much. But, I have a need to get stuff off my chest, because it’s one of those things my mind just obsesses over. Not a healthy habit. No amount of yoga or meditation is going to squash it out 100%.

This I hope this is a picture of what it means to be human. Sometimes my fandom experience doesn’t feel like I’m human to the rest of my world. I don’t want to be judged for any of this. But I know I’m going to be. It’s the price I pay for being transparent.

And I understand not feeling like you can express yourself or feel like you are left out because of your personal feelings and opinions. I’ve been there several times this year within this fandom. Currently I’m choosing to stay in the state of overall enjoyment for the show, because the latter gave me too much anxiety and depression. It was honestly too toxic for me to stay in that mental state. It was too much suffering for me. (please note that I feel that way about my own personal self. I am not telling anyone to do what I do, remember- I’m a hot mess. Don’t do what I do)

Expressing our opinions like we do today seems like it is creating a division in the fandom. But, look, you can’t express your opinion without someone else coming at it with a different perspective. It’s really just a challenge to come together and see from both sides, and be understanding.

Many people were irritated with something today. So you expressed yourself. Go for it! But, I’m also irritated with something. So I’m going to express it. But, I want you to challenge me to look at it with a different perspective. Might i get my feelings hurt in the process? I might. But, I’m okay with that. Based on prior experiences, I’m strong enough to keep moving forward. And honestly people are gonna continue to have their personal opinions for their own reasons, because they have different experiences. Let’s just remember that.

Look, we all have our favorites. I have mine. And Lucy is one of them. I love my girl, Lucy!

But, the root down in the main reason I love this show, and it’s because of the dynamic and fun family vibe each character works and shares their lives with each other. The ensemble of it all, you know. And so I’m uncomfortable with seeing this character versus this character mentality. It makes my heart hurt. I understand that not everyone watches for the same reasons I do. People are going to watch for one character, and one character alone. And if that suits you, by all means.

But, i’m still going to express how I feel. So one more thing.

I love my girl, Lucy. I love her! But, I’m tired of hearing this constant pity party for Lucy. Please be aware this is my view- IMO, this is not the Lucy show. And while we’re at it, even though he is the lead this is not the Nolan show either. It is an ensemble cast. Am I willing to admit that in some pockets of the show it seems more like him than others, yes. But, that’s the way the show is designed and I’ve accepted that and decided to shut up about it for the most part. I love that it has become a little bit of everybody.

A small edit: I am not trying to be insensitive to Lucy’s trauma when I’m talking about the pity party. She seems like she’s walking around like no one loves her. I guess that’s what everyone sees. (Tim rejected her in her eyes i guess, she doesn’t understand the shit show they walked into that he’s trying to swim to calmer waters until it’s the right time, Lucy doesn’t have Jackson but she is able to make new friends) and it invites the pity. And I guess after the comments today, I just kind of had enough of it. I understand feeling alone, but I guess no one really gives me pity because it’s not what I need, they give me tough love —more on that below.

The fact that we are talking about Lucy so much, means progress. I love it! I love that we are concerned for her. But, she’s gonna be okay. And this is a TV show people, and we don’t need to get our panties in a twist because a television show. (by the way, I’ve felt this way myself, I’ve felt so connected to the characters at one point I do get my panties in a twist and get a little feelings hurt. This is honestly more for me, because in about two weeks it’s gonna happen to me and all of this just to keep me in check. I’m not talking to anyone particular. It’s just self-talk, really. Honestly, if you know me, i’m so random on here. This is still being human, right? Okay, I’m moving on.

The fact that she’s being talked about means that wheels are turning for her story currently. It’s happening. We didn’t really get to see her front and center in S4. Her story had more to do with Tim and their relationship. There were small moments for her but for the most part it was Chenford. Am I complaining about that? No! But, I understand the desire to have a little more of her. Though, I think with an ensemble cast, you can’t always have everybody’s story front and center. You have to have bits and pieces and parts, here and there. I think that we’re getting that bigger story for Lucy here now, but I don’t think it will always last. I think it will change it up with other characters from time to time. And I love that. It means you get a slice of a different flavor/character.

Here’s one more thing I’ll say about Lucy. it’s what I perceive about her. In S4 she pushed to be Tim’s aide. That reason could be two-fold. To get her a promotion and to spend more time with Tim. She seemed content enough with that time with Tim to not pursue other things like Nolan did. Is that the fault of the writers? It might be. But, haven’t we all been where Lucy is? Content to stay in a status for a certain period of time. A lull point in life. So maybe it’s not a fault. Maybe it was to show the effects of her DOD and losing Jackson set on her. She seems like a character who is trying to figure things out. She hasn’t actively tried to pursue being a detective, yet. In reality, I guess, would she even be ineligible? We know Nolan wouldn’t be for TO. It was only put in there for TV sake. She hasn’t expressed to others how her voice isn’t being heard except in 418 and that was remedied. I think for the most part, people do listen to her. I would love for her to pursue being a detective. But, honestly, if she’s gonna pity on herself, and allow others to pity on her, I want someone to give a her a little tough love. I love that moment in 417 when she just acknowledged that she survived and she’s gonna be okay, all on her own. It felt like she gave herself closure on that chapter.

There was a certain Tim vs. Lucy narrative in 402 that bothered me but I’ll leave that for a recap of the episode if I ever get to it.

I’m really trying to be careful at making sure I am clear that I’m expressing my opinion, because sometimes people latch onto people’s opinions as absolute truth. I made a tweet today that got a lot of likes and retweets along with other tweets that had the same perspective and I can imagine how that made people who had the opposite opinion feel . Like their opinion didn’t matter. The only parting thing I can say is, that it does matter. I hope that we can listen to each other’s feelings and opinions and come together to understand.

Okay, now I’m gonna go get some work done.

[amentireankhet]

Chakra Healing

In this post I will be discussing the chakras in our Physical Body.

I will be covering information on :

- Balanced Chakras

- Unbalanced Chakras

- How to Heal & Balance Chakras

- Affirmations for each Chakra

- Crystals for each Chakra

Hope this helps. 🙏🏽

The first Chakra is the Root Chakra. It is located at the Base of our Spine. It represents Earth Element & is Red in color.

Balanced Root Chakra makes a person Grounded, Stable, Secure, Connected to Nature, Nurturing, Courageous, Self Sufficient, Patient, Instinctual.

People with Balanced Root Chakra serve others but also take responsibility for themselves. They have strong survival skills & stamina.

Unbalanced Root Chakra symptoms - Anger, Victim Mentality, Fearful, Ungrounded, Addictive patterns, Toxic Co-Dependency, Inability to cope with life.

People with Balanced Root Chakra serve others but also take responsibility for themselves. They have strong survival skills & stamina.

Ways to Heal & Balance Root Chakra:

Via Music - C note (LAM), Tribal Music, Rhythmic or Shamanic Beats.

You can practice Tribal Dancing, Drumming, take Massages, Walk in Nature, Walk Barefoot, practice Iyengar Yoga.

Red & Black, some brown Crystals heal the Root Chakra.

Affirmations for Root Chakra -

I am Grounded & connected to my roots.

I let go of my past, my fears, my worries.

I am Stable & Secure.

Physical Ailments -

Digestive issues, Pain in legs, feet, knees, hips, sciatica, eating disorders, immune system problems, prostrate issue.

Mental Ailments -

Anxiety, low self esteem, depression, jealousy, co-dependency, phobias & addictions, indecisiveness, feeling of not belonging.

Other issues -

Quality of Life is low, Financial instability, Strain on relationships, Issues of hunger, shelter.

The second Chakra is Sacral. It represents the element of Water & is Orange in color.

With an unbalanced Sacral one becomes overly critical & punishes themselves, lack creativity. Also problems with Sexual issues (rejecting or excessive sex), overly self sacrificing of own needs.

With a Balanced Sacral one experiences Abundance, Sensuality, Joy, Physical Wellness. A person feels good about themselves & knows they deserve good, they feel intimate with self & others, they have a healthy sexual life. They enjoy creative pursuits.

To Heal & Balance Sacral Practice Yoga, Dancing, get Deep Tissue Massage.

Music - D Note (VAM), Flow with the Beat of the Music.

Orange crystals are perfect for Sacral Chakra healing.

Affirmations for Sacral -

I feel good about my body.

I embrace & celebrate my sexuality.

Creativity flows freely through me.

Physical ailments of Sacral -

Urinary Issues, Menstrual Problems, infertility, Gynecological Issues, Lower Back Pain, Kidney Issues.

Other blocks include issues with Intimacy, the lack or sense of purpose.

Mental Ailments -

Guilt & Shame, Emotional Imbalance, Creative Blocks, Over Eating, Manipulative, Detached or Too Attached, Apathy, Co-Dependency, Emotional Outbursts.

The Third Chakra is Solar Plexus. Its element is Fire, & color is Yellow.

With a Balanced or Open Solar Plexus a person has confidence, inner strength, determination, sense of identity, personal power, free will. A person is purposeful, a warrior with self-worth & self-awareness.

With an Unbalanced Solar a person is subservient, always & too eager to please others, seeks approval, is too needy, & experiences inner restlessness.

To Heal or Balance Solar Plexus one can Hike, Bike, Do Ab exercises, Practice Yoga, Qigong. Via Music - E Note (RAM pronounced as Rum), empowering & stimulating music. Yellow & Brown crystals work really well with healing Solar Plexus.

Affirmations for Solar Plexus -

I am Powerful, Strong & Confident.

I am Enough, just as I am.

I am aligned with my Life Purpose.

Physical Ailments associated with Solar Plexus -

Poor Health Liver Problems Glycemic issues (blood sugar) Issue with Spleen, Gallbladder Fatigue Poor Digestion Ulcers.

Mental Ailments -

Low Confidence & Self-Esteem, Anger, Lack of Motivation, Lack of Purpose, Decision making issues, Depression, Apathy, Insecurity, Weakness, Lack of mental balance, Inactive.

Quality of life with unbalanced solar plexus makes one feel stuck. One doubts that they cannot have a good future & they constantly feel like they don’t have what they want.

Fourth chakra is the Heart Chakra. It’s represented by Air Element & its color is Green.

An Unbalanced Heart Chakra represents conditional love, challenges receiving love, lack of self love, indifference, need for recognition.

A person with a Balanced Heart Chakra practices Unity Consciousness, they love unconditionally, feel love, peace, are generous, compassionate, innocent, radiate warmth, are sincere, giving, forgiving, a healer. They live in harmony with themselves.

To heal or balance heart chakra you can practice Meditation, Yoga, Contemplation, Letting Go, Emotional Release Therapy.

Via Music - F Note (YAM pronounced as Yum), Classical music, New Age music, Meditation music.

Green & Pink Crystals can be used to heal Heart Chakra.

Affirmations for Heart Chakra -

I accept & love myself & others, unconditionally.

I forgive those who hurt me, I also forgive myself.

I am open to loving, healthy & nurturing relationships.

Physical Ailments for Heart Chakra -

Heart related Issues, Respiratory problems, Chronic Fatigue, Upper Back Pain, Asthma, Allergies.

Mental Ailments -

Anxiety, Depression, Trust Issues.

Fifth Chakra is Throat Chakra. Its represented by Ether or Sound & Sky Blue Color.

Unbalanced Throat Chakra makes a person too shy, too quiet, too introverted or overly extroverted. They suppress their expressions, have difficulty setting boundaries & saying no, fear judgement.

With a Balanced Throat Chakra one expresses their Truth with confidence, a good communicator, expressive, practice self expression easily like laughing, talking, singing, crying. A person is creative, Sets boundaries & says No & has a strong willpower.

To Balance or Open Throat Chakra one can practice singing, chanting, Deep Breathing, Laughter Therapy, Yoga, Sighing.

Via Music - G Note (Ham pronounced as Hum), Meditative music.

Blue stones work really well with Throat Chakra.

Affirmations for Throat Chakra -

I can say No when it is necessary.

I express myself with clarity & freely.

Physical Ailments -

Sore Throat, Thyroid issues, Dental issues, TMJ, Neck Pain, Stiffness, Swollen Glands, Voice Problems, Laryngitis, Unknown Fevers.

Mental Ailments -

Addictions, Inability to say No, Trouble finding words or expressing Quiet or Loud, Confused about Self, Indecisive.

Other issues include being involved in low vibrational things - gossiping, speaking out of turn, behavior issues, dishonest, too self centered or ignore self, taken advantage of or taking advantage of others, lack of creativity.

Sixth Chakra is Third Eye Chakra. It represents Ether & Light elements. The color is Indigo.

With an Unbalanced Third Eye one can be too intellectual or logical or completely lack logical reasoning, too judgemental or too conscious, very rigid, confused, reject spirituality.

With a Balanced Third Eye one is wise, intuitive, knowledgeable, imaginative, clairvoyant, has wisdom & faith in higher power or source, perceptive, psychic, practices mindfulness, discernment.

To Balance, Open or Heal Third Eye you can Meditate, Practice Mindfulness, Tai Chi, Yoga, Go out in the Sun.

Via Music - A Note (Om)

Indigo Blue, Dark Blue or Violet Crystals work well with Third Eye Chakra.

Affirmations for Third Eye -

I live in the Present.

I am open to receiving messages & wisdom from my Ancestors, Angels, Guides.

I am connected to my Intuition.

I listen to my intuition.

Physical Ailments associated with Third Eye -

Headaches, Ear Issues, Vision Problems, Hearing Problems, Dizziness, Nausea, Sinuses, Stress, Insomnia.

Some other issues are struggling through life & having relationship struggles. Inability to make decisions, or see the big picture.

Mental Ailments -

Anxiety, Poor Decision Making, Memory Problems, Learning Problems, Mental Fog, Hallucinations, Delusions, Paranoia, Self Doubt, Overwhelmed.

The seventh chakra is the Crown Chakra. It’s represented by the element of Ether & Thought. The color associated with it is White & Violet.

Unbalanced Crown makes a person arrogant, egoist, separate from all, aloof. A person experiences lack of calm & is too set in their ways.

A person with a Balanced Crown is a Guru or Teacher. They have beauty, grace. They are selfless, calm, enlightened, blissful, understanding. They practice stillness, silence. Feel connected to all & believe in Oneness of All. Understand Divine Intervention & connected to Source.

Ways to Balance, Heal Crown is practicing Yoga, Connecting with Nature, Universe, Self, Practicing Stillness.

Via Music - B Note (Om)

White, Violet & Rainbow color Crystals work best with Crown Chakra.

Affirmations for Crown -

I understand deeper truth & connection.

I am protected & guided at all times.

I listen to the wisdom of the Universe.

Physical Ailments of Crown Chakra -

Insomnia, Alzheimers, Psychological Disorders, Neurological Disorders, Nerve Pain, Headaches.

Other issues are self destructive & self sabotaging behaviors, bad life choices, poor relationships with others, self, Divine.

Mental Ailments -

Inability to connect with self, others & Divine, Depression, Disconnected, Discontent, Frustrated, Loneliness, Feeling Lost, Sadness, Lack of Direction.

Be mindful of your own lives & patterns of behavior. Of course no one is perfect, but by acting towards our highest good & that of others we can make changes that can help us grow & evolve.

Evolution is a must. Our intentions & actions determines our fate. We have Free Will & we must try to make the best use of it to achieve our Life Purpose. Effort is up to us, result is up to the Universe. Good Luck.

[the-angry-nerd]

Thursday, September 12, 2024

Well, week three of the semester is coming to a close. I feel more accomplished and on top of my game than ever. I often find myself running away from tasks that involve speaking to people. Being a senior means that the anxiety must leave in order to get what I need out of my professors and peers. I am trying very hard to face difficult situations head on instead of avoiding them. It turns out most of what I was running from was not even that difficult or taxing. I was just letting other mental factors control me. It feels good to not have anything weighing on my mind. To be able to go to sleep and know I did everything I could to make the most of a day.

That’s how I feel about being a creative. I was always so worried I had no time or energy to make art. I almost do not even recognize myself as an artist anymore because it had been so long since I have been creative. Getting back into the craft has helped me in so many ways. I feel much more fulfilled in my days. When I spend time collecting photos and then editing them, I feel a spark get reignited. Even with writing, with school being back in full swing I am writing all the time. However, writing for myself or on this website makes me feel like a creative again.

I just feel happier and lighter than I did a year ago. I feel more open and at peace. I know life is full of ups and downs in which I am truly enjoying this up. It feels like years since I have felt this up. I have been putting in the work though. I spend time doing yoga and meditating.

My whole life people would respond to my anxiety with, “Just let it go, it’s not worth getting yourself crazy.” Well, it was how my body responded to the world around it. I never realized that I can control my body, that as its inhabitant I have a right to decide how I will feel/react. I did not want to live the rest of my life anxious, depressed, or angry. I simply wanted to live. I am starting to understand it is a choice to not be anxious. It is a thing you have to train your brain to do, to decide it is not worth losing the grip on your reality and experience. This is also how I’ve been working through my anger. It is a process but I am finally seeing results.

I am loving life and making moves. I cannot wait to see what this next week brings for me.

[longpahern]

How To Eradicate Your Emotional Health Problems Including In...

The tensions and stress of daily life can bring with it a range of psychological health issue. These can consist of anxiety, stress and anxiety, panic, sleeping disorders and irritation attacks. In this post I blog about each of these prospective issues and recommend services to conquer them. Anxiety I make sure that all of us end up being depressed at various times of our life, I definitely do. It is simple to let individuals and things get us down. We can begin to sympathize with ourselves and to believe that the world is working versus us. The brain has 2 halves, unfavorable and favorable. In these durations of anxiety the unfavorable side presumes control and it can end up being extremely tough to leave this rut. I see the favorable side of my brain as an apple and the unfavorable side as a pear. I will not be able to experience the delight of consuming apples if I just ever consume pears. In other words I need to provide the favorable side a possibility to assist me to reach a state of joy and I require to discover to overlook the unfavorable. Stress and anxiety and anxiety attack Sometimes individuals begin ending up being nervous about their future or perhaps about their present circumstance. This can in particular cases even lead on to stress attacks. In my viewpoint stressing does not assist the scenario, it just makes things even worse. When this happens I attempt really tough to break the cycle and I even talk to the devils in my head. I inform them that they will not win and that I will not worry any longer. Sleeping disorders Having difficulty with sleeping during the night can take place for a variety of factors, the primary among which is tension. Other causes are snoring, a consumption of excessive caffeine, a loud environment or anxiety. I have actually blogged about tension and anxiety currently, it is likewise time to minimize the coffee. A basic tip in possibly resolving sleeping disorders, is to check out a book in bed before trying to get to sleep. This book needs to assist you to get your mind far from any stress and anxieties you might have, it needs to unwind your body and must likewise tire your eyes. Irritation When individuals lose sleep or work to hard they can end up being over worn out and this can result in irritation. This can trigger individuals to have a greater pulse rate, making their muscles feel tight and can leave individuals likewise feeling sluggish and distressed. It is necessary to for that reason make sure that you acquire a great quantity of hours sleep per night (a minimum of 7) which you just work a particular quantity of hours each week. Cash is essential to individuals, nevertheless in my viewpoint health ought to be the top priority. Solutions to these psychological illness I have actually concerned understand that I require to treat myself from time to time. I have actually constantly discovered it tough to unwind and would frequently feel stressed out and under pressure. I now utilize numerous techniques at various times of the year to assist me to relax a bit and to reward my body. These consist of aromatherapy, utilizing organic items, going to tai chi lessons and I have actually even attempted Yoga. I need to confess I might never ever get to grips with Yoga, nevertheless have actually heard it can show to be really useful to individuals who can. Meditation My preferred kind of relaxation is by practicing meditation. I do this by resting on a straight back chair and by essentially focusing with my eyes closed. I pay specific notification to my breathing and it has actually definitely assisted me to see things in a much clearer method. In conclusion there are lots of methods of lowering psychological health issue and with decision you have the ability to see your method to a much better and brighter future. Steve Hill The tensions and stress of daily life can bring with it a range of psychological health issues. These can consist of anxiety, stress and anxiety, panic, irritation and sleeping disorders attacks. In this post I compose about each of these prospective issues and recommend services to conquer them. It is simple to let individuals and things get us down. I need to confess I might never ever get to grips with Yoga, nevertheless have actually heard it can show to be extremely advantageous to individuals who can.

https://click4information.com/lifestyle/how-to-eradicate-your-emotional-health-problems-including-in/

[returntosaturn271995]

Sunday, August 18th: Brat Summer, Demure Fall, and all the other memes that make horrible sense

First of all: check it. Soil could help save 1/7th of our super deadly carbon emissions. Is my ultimate conspiracy theory that it's already to late to save the planet but scientists can't handle all of humanity panicking? Yup. Still, uplifting.

Reading: Princess Diana's autobiography. Also Anna-Marie Tendler's autobiography got absolutely ROASTED by Celebrity Memoir Book Club and that has swiftly become my new favorite podcast.

Writing: An essay on running from a depressive view point

Cooking: Made artichoke and feta burgers today. Heavy is the hand that adds the garlic.

Political Awareness: Kamala Harris wants to incentivize affordable housing, ban fracking, and curb "greedflation" on important medications. JD Vance wants to fuck a couch. How is this election fucking close?

Loving Relationships: Monika, Makenna, Dad, Mom, Lauren, Ash, Bonnie, Natalie, Aunt Kelly and so on. No beef as far there is beef to be had. Such a relief always to be surrounded by the right people for me.

Getting Outside: Ruined my hair but I slathered on some sunscreen a ran around PB for a solid 30 minutes. It's pathetic how quickly I'm memorizing what streets have shade on them. Grabbed a Pressed Juice that went down a little spicy.

Dressing w/ style: Light green and white floral midi-dress handed down to me from Makenna (so sweet), white slide sandals, and a simple single pearl on a necklace.

Cleaning: My eyes may have lost a layer of moisture but the toilet is shining, the mirrors in the house have been windexed, and the floors have been mopped. I took out the trash and put away the dishes. Still to brace ourselves: dealing with the now very dead and rotting bee hive in the wall. *gags* Why do bad things happen to good bee-killers?

Organization: Planned like a woman possessed for the week ahead. Tomorrow for rougher tasks I plan to implement the Pomodoro technique- and maybe implicitly acknowledge I have ADHD in the process.

Yoga: 20 minutes stretching and supposedly relaxing while reruns of The Bear (the most intense show about beef) were shown on TV. Downward Dog? Yes, Chef.

Cardio: Those stretches were needed however as I hit 200 miles today baby! Knocked out a 5 K and my larger goal while sweating and listening to the "Six" musical soundtrack. Can I get a buzzer? Goalllllll! You didn't think I could do it, did yah? WELL, I DID, MOTHAHFUCKAHS. And while this is definitely a late 20s cry for importance, it's still cheaper than having a baby.

Meditation: I actually whipped out my meditation cushion and incense for today's focus on shedding. What does one gain from meditation? Nothing. It's about what we lose: fogginess, anxiety, impatience, and the need to change the current moment. I found myself so excited about the plans I made for tomorrow and realized I could channel that energy in to the very moment, the very next habit I wanted to nail.

Comedy: I reminded myself of one of my own favorite beginning quotes: You know whose had it too good for too long? Also writing a bit about when addicts swing to health extremes and suddenly act with authority. "Mmmm you once chased me through a vons parking lot on what you were 'pretty sure' was ketamine., but thanks Dr. Oz."

Some version of: that it's great that you went to rehab but it doesn't make you wiser or more of an expert on life now, it's kind of like bragging to other kids that you're more educated than them because you had to go Summer School.

Hydration/Sobriety: Check and check

Sunscreen/Skincare: I'm over here looking like a dolphin

New experiences: Never made that type of burger or drank that pressed juice, never have ran that exact running route, never wore that green dress before, never had listened to the Comedy Memoir Book Club before, never cleaned with such effective bleach before annnnd I woke up earlier today because I played a memory game on my new alarm.

Woof, just reading that I'm a little ty ty. A day worth living that got 100%.

[protected-and-loved-by-castiel]

In basic introductions to polyvagal theory, we learn about 3 nervous system states - safe and social, fight/flight, and freeze/shutdown. The safe and social state involves the Ventral Vagus nerve, the fight/flight state involves high activation of the sympathetic nervous system, and the freeze/shutdown state involves high activation of the Dorsal Vagus nerve.

From this simplistic explanation, it is easy to assume that engagement of the Dorsal Vagus nerve is something to be avoided. I have received emails asking “Is Dorsal the bad one?” and “What can I do to get out of Dorsal activation?”

I realize that some of the ways I have presented polyvagal info in the past contributed to this misunderstanding, and many of the sources I have referred people to have further solidified this false idea that Dorsal is bad.

In this post, I want to honor the Dorsal Vagus for its fantastic ability to multi-task, and I hope that by the end, perhaps your view of this nerve will have shifted.

DORSAL REST is a state of dorsal vagus activation that is supported by ventral vagus activation. The activation of the ventral vagus moderates the activity of the dorsal, so that the body system does not go into a freeze/shutdown state.

In this mixed state, we feel low energy or immobilization that is tolerable and not distressing. This state allows the body to rest and rebuild after injury, to properly digest food and absorb nutrition, to access meditative or spiritual states, and to sleep. With the help of the ventral vagus, the dorsal vagus offers us restoration, rejuvenation, and healing.

This is possibly the most important vagal state to know about for long-term trauma recovery, for long-haul covid recovery, and for all of us who have just hit the “pandemic wall.” Our bodies require regular activation of the dorsal vagus to heal from normal wear and tear and more frequent activation of the dorsal vagus to heal from trauma.

When we run on high tone sympathetic energy for a long time (months to years), our adrenal resources become depleted. When we eventually crash, we flip from high energy anxiety and hypervigilence to exhaustion and loss of interest in high energy activities. If we cannot access safety at this point, we will become depressed, and the depression will last until we are able to access a sense of safety or refuge somewhere.

Sometimes the stories we tell ourselves or each other about being low energy are the biggest danger cues in our environment. Our society has labeled being low energy as lazy, incompetent, childish, and dysfunctional. When our self-talk is blaming or shaming us for being low energy, our bodies are less capable of using that low energy time for healing. Self-talk is of course not our only barrier to safety, but it is one of the few that is within our control.

Embracing Dorsal Rest has allowed me to better cope with PMDD, a cyclical type of depression that involves severe mood drops just before my period. Those 5-7 days each month still suck, but they suck a little less now that I understand low energy phases are a natural and normal part of my body’s self-healing process. I find that shifting my self-talk changes my experience of how distressing these low energy phases are for me. Thus I have been trying to reframe “sickness behaviors” as “healing behaviors.”

Here is my current list of 100% healthy “healing behaviors” which I find necessary when I am immobilized by my Dorsal Vagus…

Nesting & Naps

Comfort Food

Time and Space Alone - sometimes we need isolation to recharge

Low energy activities - listening to music, watching Netflix, reading, coloring, meditation, visualizations, breathwork, prayer, yin yoga, constructive rest, visiting with internalized others (inner mentor, inner child, etc)

Sensory Defenses - shades drawn, headphones on, humidifier, soft blankets, temp set to a comfy range, etc etc

Doing “nothing” - day dreaming, spacing out, losing time

If I shame myself for any of these, I quickly find myself out of DORSAL REST and into DORSAL FREEZE.

I hope that this post gives you some permission to be slow and restful and know that this is exactly what your body needs.

When I first shared this post on Facebook, some commenters added the following to the list of “healing behaviors” . . .

Yoga Nidra/Restorative Yoga

Guided Meditations

Cuddling with a pet

Slow walks in nature

Baths

Warm drinks like tea or cocoa

Resting with a heating pad or ice pack

Reading for enjoyment

Completing a puzzle

Self massage with a car buffer

Watching the sky

Experimental art without rules

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💛 This fall, I'm teaching a 6 workshop series where I'll be leading people through a monthly goalworking practice which helps me prioritize these types of activities and add gentle structure to my self-care. More info here: https://traumageek.thinkific.com/courses/self-love-initiative-2024