#You had this racism too! You just became 'white' and forgot about it!!!

[enekorre]

Love seeing an American be racist on my years old post about racism in Europe and then block me. If I didn't have emails turned on I would never even have seen the comment. Fucking racist moron 🤪

[mazzystar24]

I hope I can ask you this because I don't want to ask in the tags, I'm scared 🥹 but I've seen a lot of discourse about why tommy isn't good for buck, he's cold, the relationship is toxic etc and I was wondering why people think that? Is there anything specific that started it?

I fully believe eddie is buck's true love, endgame, whatever we want to call it and I'm sad we don't have that (yet) but I thought bucktommy was kinda fun in the meantime. I just want to understand 🫶🏻

Oh hey darling! you were so sweet and genuine in your response so please know I’m just answering what I’m asked and if you wanna enjoy and have fun with bt that is completely your prerogative but I’m just offering my perspective on it

And i am warning you this is gonna be long because I feel a constant need to go really in depth in my thoughts

Okay so idk how I’m gonna break this down but maybe I’ll do it in like main points?

Also if you’re new here whenever I use bullet points I’m just doing it cos I find it easier to chunk up my thoughts not cos I’m being curt or anything with you

1. The chimney and hen begins episodes

He wasnt just passive in the episodes and letting Gerard get away with his racist and misogynistic behaviour he ACTIVELY participated in it

This includes:

• Asking if they forgot to tip the delivery guy WHILE THEY WERE EATING CHINESE FOOD when chimney first comes up despite the fact that 1. Chimney had a big ass lafd bag 2. They were probably already told a probie would be coming 3. Probably would’ve seen the actual delivery guy 4. I would bet my absolute life that question would not have been asked if buck or bobby had walked up those stairs this wasn’t an innocent comment it WAS RACIST intentionally like the entire point of the episode was to show how bad they had it

• the New York bitchiness comment

• throwing his tools down along for hen to clean up

• going out of his way to treat them like outcasts and hating chimney before he even knew him despite chimneys efforts

• the way each of them had to “earn his respect” in some way before he acted like a normal coworker to them and this was never in the typical ‘oh it’s a new person’ type of way it always had to do with their race or in hen’s case her gender too

A defence I see a lot for this is “oh he was closeted” and honestly to me that is such bullshit because 1. Eli was perfectly capable of not participating in the racism and taking chimney under his wing without getting any shit for it and chimney is quite literally a Korean man (something he literally can’t hide) and he had just got his head above water with Gerard’s racism when hen came and he STILL was a friend to her 2. Again tommy wasn’t passive in it and just letting Gerrard be racist (which would’ve been one thing) no he actively participated in it to be part of the boys club 3. Let’s say that somehow not being a dick would’ve meant that that was a threat to the closet he was in- that is still in my opinion a fucked up sense of preservation if you spare yourself the possibility of bigotry (despite having inherent social capital by being a white man in that job) by inflicting others to bigotry

Now when Tommy was first reintroduced I was like keeping an open mind and saying okay it’s been a lot of time and maybe he has genuinely made amends because I do believe in redemption but imo they have made no attempt to show us that and had him honestly put more of the blame on Gerrard for his behaviour or the writers flat out avoiding mentioning it to retcon tommy a little and hope we forget

Another defence I see is “oh chimney and hen became friends with him so they must’ve forgave him”, hen went no contact the moment he left (something the writers went out of their way to include that line) and chimney didn’t even invite him to his wedding which was quite big after the Buckley parents got involved so it’s not like it was cos it was such a small and intimate wedding and he only called him as far as we know in those years when he needed a favor, which all means that most likely they had kinda just put it behind them and kept up a coworker relationship with him, but no actual friendship or actual forgiveness or redemption had taken place

Oh wow all that was just point one and I can probably talk more on it but I’ll just leave it with saying that Lou’s comments about it being teasing or how Tommy genuinely didn’t know hen or chimney were capable etc just makes for a worse case than saying it’s cos of being in the closet (and that is genuinely a large part of why idk much abt Lou but those comments are enough to make me hate him) and I’ll also say that poc (myself included in that) have these situations so often- situations even as specific as gay men being racist to them to fit in - and we understand the nuance and shit to it but we also understand on a deep level how it feels to be on the other side of that

And getting toxic bt fans try to come up with ways to downplay or minimise racism honestly pisses me off so much cos believe you me we have heard every excuse and downplay under the sun and I for one am sick and tired of it

2. Why he’s viewed as cold and his jokes

• literally from the small parts we saw of him and Eddie hanging out we have seen the man is in fact capable of joking and being light and having fun but around buck in particular he’s like 🧍‍♂️😐 and the occasional 🙂 like it just feels very stiff and just plain in a way

• his humour consistently falls flat and feels passive aggressive more than anything like blunt or sardonic humour DOES work like I personally love it but it’s not being written OR executed right

A. It’s always in response to genuine moments or questions such as buck talking abt the award or the daddy kink joke or henren questioning him

B. It’s the the majority of what we see from him, there is not enough balance for it

C. Lack of rapport, when friends or couples make jokes that can come off the wrong way if said to anyone else it’s cos of the rapport built already, this rapport is not established with the characters OR with the audience for these jokes to come off right

D. I gotta say this one too but the execution just isn’t right from writing to acting, it’s the same reason sardonic humour lines from Sandra oh as Cristina Yang or hugh Laurie as house still lets you like the characters and find them funny but Tommys lines come off as annoying to a lot of people

3. I think fandom discourse probably has something to do with it but not in the way you think

I’m not saying like oh ppl who ship buddie just hate him cos of the ship no I’m saying that like what takes him from an annoying disliked character to a hated character is most likely the fact that his role stirred so much drama and caused so much damage to how the fandom used to be that its turned the dial up

4. A lot of his development, lore or redeemable factors or cute things are just not canon

This may be blunt and I am sorry for that but I think his character has been blown up to such a degree that it’s genuinely shocking

Like I look at posts or get sent hate and I’m like where did any of this happen this is just not canon this is just not a show like at times I’m genuinely convinced it’s a social experiment where different ppl saw a different show like some spiderman multiverse situation

Listen I’m all for headcanons genuinely like if you wanna take extra number three and make a whole backstory and lore and cute stuff abt her I’m all for it but it’s when it’s said as if it’s fact or canon that I’m like hold up a second rewind

I think this is kinda a result of Lou’s cameos (which honestly deserves its own post but you asked why the tommy hate so imma stay on topic) and also this like need to defend the character but not having much material to work with

Like if we look at canon we can literally break down the entirety of Tommys appearances this far in the show and what we learn about him:

• chimney begins- he makes a racist comment and he tries to suck up to Gerard, there is a little hint abt his gayness with the gf comment, Eli says to chimney that’s just how they are and tries to reason it could be fear of losing friends but we see tommy having friends in the firehouse while eli says this, chimney tries to make friends with him and tommy makes no attempt to get to know him and says he’d hate him anyways, chimney saves Tommys life thus earning his respect

• hen begins- she’s met with the same racism chimney is but also met with misogyny (and homophobia but that’s not relevant to the tommy of it all), we find out chimney is still isolated from the rest despite having earnt that respect, chimney befriends hen and again tommy still doesn’t try anything like that until hen proves herself and earns his respect, ppl reported Gerard but it’s never actually stated tommy was one of those ppl so again that’s not canon that’s speculated

• bobby begins- chimney and hen both seem to be like coworker friends with tommy and Sal, Sal throws hissy fit bobby “fires” him tommy says it’s an overreaction bobby reveals it was a transfer, they all seem to make nice, tommy leaves to 217

• chimney calls tommy for help and tommy helps

• we see nothing from tommy,then cruise ship he helps the team but also in this we find out hen cut off all contact since he left

• buck takes tour of harbour, Eddie and tommy have a friendship and we find out some of Tommys interests and that he was in the army, basketball scene and the subsequent apology and kiss

• dinner date, Tommy explains how he was in the closet, Buck has his little awkward moment (which will be elaborated on in my next point) , Tommy says nothing abt it till the Uber arrives and he leaves buck

• buck reaches out and apologises and asks for a second chance inviting tommy to the madney wedding

• bachelor party and the issue of the lack of costume and not just taking the day off for neither wedding nor bachelor party (which you can reason is reasonable but also I feel like this deserves its point for the narrative choices)

• tommy shows up straight outta work they kiss buck has the soot coming out award ceremony - buck being happy abt the reward to which tommy sardonically says enjoy it while it lasts enter bigoted cunt gerard then chimney comes and insults gerard and they walk away

• we don’t see tommy again till the dinner date after Bobby nearly died and when buck tries to explain Bobbys significance to his life tommy throws the your dad is still alive which is just honestly one of his worst moments imo and I made a whole post abt it but can’t find it and then we all know the rest of that convo and I could make a bullet point for it but actually I made a whole post before so I’ll link it: here

AND THATS IT

Like all this comes down to what maybe like 30 mins screentime? If that?

5. The leaving buck on their first date

The defences people use for this are:

• buck was trying to shove him back in the closet

• buck was obviously not ready

• people angry abt this are just babying buck like he can find his own way home it’s not that big of a deal

• buck was at fault there and tommy would’ve been justified in being angry and not giving him a second chance

And honestly every last one of these are bullshit imo and lemme go point by point

• buck panicked, I don’t think that what buck was feeling in that moment can be properly described because unless you’re a queer person and you’ve experienced that like bone deep panic that like brain overload then you won’t get it

Like one it’s his first queer date

Two he doesn’t even understand his own sexuality atp

Three his closest friend just walked in in a situation that’s already putting him on edge

So he’s not only panicking he’s not understanding why he’s panicking he’s trying to make excuses eventhough part of him knows he doesn’t need one but also he doesn’t even understand this side of himself yet so he doesn’t want to have to potentially explain it

Like it’s a million things and a million emotions and no one can claim they would behave rationally or appropriately in that situation and if you say that you would you’re lying simple as that

Also then we find out that Eddie thought tommy was straight anyways

• the reason I love the buddie coming out scene is because of Eddie’s “and what do you think” line because it’s not up to tommy or anyone else whether a person is “ready” enough in their queerness to date. Full stop.

Also tommy knew it was Buck’s first date with a man and was still down so why is he using that as some sort of out

•it’s not about babying buck and it’s not about him finding his own way home it’s the fact that Tommy could’ve done it with much more grace and he could’ve been a lot nicer with it but he wasn’t, and this is again bucks first date with a man even if it doesn’t end with a second date it should at the very least not end up with him feeling like a screw up on the side of the road

• to the ppl who say that- kindly shut up cos again see the first point but also I wanna point out that somehow the ppl saying this are also the same ones saying that Tommy was justified to be RACIST for a prolonged period of time due to being in the closet yet Buck what? Panicking for a few seconds and being a little awkward? is somehow this giant inexcusable thing

5. The narrative choices with him have been reasonably clear and tbh if they had been made with a woman it would not be up for debate:

• tommy leaves buck on their first date then he comes back and gives buck a chance- we as a fandom have been unanimous in saying for years that Buck’s endgame would be the one that doesn’t leave him cos this pattern has been something we saw over and over with him

• tommy not dressing up- again you can rationalise it but it’s a narrative choice and it’s glaring when contrasted with Eddie suggesting the duo costume

And if we had this scene with Taylor so many ppl would be saying that it’s once again showing that her and Buck’s personalities don’t align

• him being on standby for the wedding and bachelor party- again you can say oh buck invited him last minute or oh he couldn’t taken the day off (which lbr he could’ve he’s not the only firefighter pilot in la) - but again narrative choice

If it was Taylor everyone would’ve been like SEE? Again they’re showing the audience that her work is this looming presence in their relationship

Anyway I’m gonna shut up now cos this is A LOT

I’m so sorry it took me so long to respond tho and sending flowers in apology💐💐💐💐💐💐

Love ya for being so genuine when asking and hope all this didn’t come off too strong and that it was idk helpful?🫶🫶

I realise my response is abt to have toxic bt fans scurry to my inbox like rats to send hate and to that I say go fuck yourselves I’m responding to a question here

[lesbianmarrow]

I hate hate hate the she ra fandom so much for how they treated/reacted to glimmer… like it was truly awful. I saw a lot of similarities between her and the treatment of Finn by fans, honestly

Like adora, like Rey, is white. Catra is kind of nebulous because she is visibly brown, but she’s also an anthropomorphic animal voiced by a white woman with no confirmed or implied racial identity… (like in contrast to a character like clawdeen wolf from monster high… a wolf girl who’s clearly meant to be read as black). Catra was read by many to be a woman of color, but read by as many (if not more) as white or simply “raceless” (by white people who see whiteness as default). Regardless, I don’t think it was women of color who saw themselves in Catra who were the problem. Catra was also a much better character than kylo, particularly as a sympathetic and reformed villain, but still.

Finn/Glimmer we’re both the secondary protagonists of their story, were both poc, were both besties to their main protagonist, who happened to be white, and were both in stories that seemed to have racism problems (the whole… she ra from before adora wasn’t white but pretty much became so as she ra was sooo fucked up). And both of them were so unjustly hated by white fans who would often try to minimize harm done to them by the antagonist(s) if they didn’t go out of their way to try to frame them as the antagonist in what they really saw as meta-analysis of the text. The justification ALWAYS boiled down to how they annoyed said white fans. Glimmer was written as a well rounded character who went through changes and had flaws and nuances which was awful to people watching the show who couldn’t accept that in characters of color. Finn was a black man (and also perhaps the best written character of the sequel trilogy) who had the audacity to be close to a white woman emotionally. Both of these were Crimes white fans felt the need to punish them for (or expand into full blown villainy) it was genuinely sickening to watch. It’s worse too since I feel like the storytellers gave into the pressure to sideline them. Like for Finn he clearly had a diminished role already in tlj so who knows if things could have been different but I kind of feel like glimmers story just. Didn’t get resolution there were plot threads for her that didn’t get tied

Not that the other comparisons you made weren’t valid and this does seem to be a particular issue for Asian girls/women/characters but my two sense bc your post threw me back to a darker time

yeahhhh like i love she-ra but i barely interacted with the fandom at all bc it had a lot of issues with racism especially with how it treated glimmer, like ppl were racist about catra as well but like the general fandom attitude that glimmer was annoying and detracted from the story was just so awful. i thought the show itself did a really great job of making glimmer a 3 dimensional character and giving her an excellent character arc over the course of the show. i don't really remember any unresolved plot threads with her? though maybe there were and i just forgot. but like overall i was very satisfied with her portrayal in the show, but the FANDOM was just.....eugh.

and the racism with finn.....oh it just makes me so boiling mad. tfa was not perfect in its portrayal of him but there was so much POTENTIAL and john boyega really made him such an excellent compelling character, truly the heart of the film, and the racist side of the fandom just could not stand it. like the thing about reylo and its popularity post-tfa is that it really was born out of a refusal to consider finn as a love interest for rey, even though their relationship is one of the most important and positive relationships in the whole film. the fandom would rather bend over backwards to find a way to make the creepy antagonistic tension between kylo and rey romantic than accept that rey and finn could be in love. and the way tlj validated those racist fans by sidelining finn and pushing the rey/kylo relationship was just awful. and that's not even getting into what tlj and fandom did with rose tico.

and then ppl will like minimize these issues by being like "well it's just fandom/shipping drama" which completely erases that it's an issue of RACISM. and aaaaaaaaaaahhh sorry for ranting there it just makes me so MAD.

[asexualone]

(pls take the time to read)

Signs I should have known I was aro: Disney edition

I think this topic has been stressed a lot already. But here is my take, anyway.

Of course, romantic love had been, is and will always be one of the main themes in kids' movies. Why, I can never fully understand. I'll explain below how I like other themes more.

Some time ago, I did a post on the kiss/hug scenes in Rapunzel which depicts how much more I value acts of showing love that don't include kissing.

Not only those two. I have a history of hating Disney on-screen smooches. As a kid, I thought, "Well, maybe, I don't like seeing these characters kiss because it's a grownup thing."

Could you blame me? When my parents were in the room and a kissing scene appeared on the screen, they changed the channel. So my toddler brain concluded that the reason I didn't like watching kisses was because I wasn't of age to like it. Or something.

At the time, I had no idea that I was hand-picking my favorite movies by the level of romance they had in. Or lack thereof. And I was a very judgemental kid. Let's go through my original thoughts on some Disney classics.

Snow White — No. Just no. She's a child, fourteen. Marrying an older guy she doesn't even know. After he kisses her corpse. NO.

Cinderella — The age difference is a little better, I guess. So is the age of consent. But they only talked one (1) night and he relied on that slipper to find her instead of asking to meet all women and see for himself. Fairytale logic I guess. I didn't like how she called it love immediately and kissed the prince at least once that same night. Or how they got married immediately.

The Sleeping Beauty — Must I even explain? Aurora didn't even know Philip that much, had only met him once (if you exclude the "dreams"). And yet, he's her true love, the only one who can revive her corpse. Ridiculous. And yes, kissing a comatose body, ew. Also, the arranged marriage trope pisses me off, royalty or not. Aurora was engaged as a newborn baby, come on.

Mulan — Cinematic gold. I didn't know it back then, but the fact that romantic love is such a pushed-aside aspect in this movie gives me life. The songs give me life. Especially when the trio dresses as concubines and "Be a Man" plays in the background. An absolute gem, lmao. The sequel however ruined the story somewhat for me, too much lovey-dovey stuff. I like Mulan more when she's fighting than when she's acting all sappy towards Shang, sorry not sorry.

Peter Pan — Loved it, still do. But I did dislike the mermaids, the image of fangirls who are petty towards other girls. And Pan's brief "relationship" with Tiger Lily was nauseating to me. I couldn't explain it but when Pan blushed at her nose-nuzzling thing, I always pulled a face.

The Princess and the Frog — In my opinion, (remember, always my opinion): Tiana, this hard-working girl who doesn't belong to anyone, was lost to love. Well, not lost. But falling for Naveen in the course of three days? Unrealistic and kinda unnecessary. Sweet, but still. I adored the "relationship" between Ray and Evangeline more. Either way, it's a movie that I enjoyed when love wasn't that prominent on screen.

Aladdin — I love this movie because of the Genie. The relationship between Jasmine and Aladdin is meh. She forgot his face and didn't recognize him until later. Their coming together is a lot like that trope "first guy who treats her right sets the expectations and wins her heart". Usually that's a thing, not only in Disney movies but media in general. The female lead settles for the first guy that treats her right because the bar is that low. A good movie, all in all. Love how Jasmine stands up for herself at least. Not a lot of princesses fight against the objectification of women.

Pocahontas — I used to hate this movie. I didn't sit right with me: the racism in it, the manipulation, the murders. And the romance, yes. Pocahontas fell for the strange man who tickled her curiosity in the span of two days. I also hated how her father just sold her to marry Kocoum like that. I know it's tradition. Heck, that's a tradition that still goes on in my country. Maybe that's why I didn't like seeing it on screen. And Pocahontas doesn't even end up with John Smith. The second movie definitely ruined the story. So yes, she's the first princess who fell for a man in three days, TWICE. Needless to say, only the songs kept me from blacklisting the movie entirely.

The Little Mermaid — I actually loved this movie for some reason. I can't explain why, maybe it was my obsession with mermaids. Yeah, that was probably it. But I was pissed when Ariel exchanged her tail for legs. Not to mention human periods and overall, all the bad in the world, for a man she'd only seen once. As I grew up I realized just how f*cked up that story was: Ariel giving her entire lifestyle, family and identity up for a guy she hadn't even spoken to. I don't know why I loved that movie, alright? Hell I still do a little. The sequel too. Say what you want.

Brave — (I know this is technically Pixar, shut up) Much like the paradox with Ariel, I didn't like this movie. I can't explain it. Maybe because Merida wasn't the typical Disney princess I had been used to seeing. Now though, I ADORE that story. No, it's not because Merida knows archery... Okay, yes maybe a little. I love the aro-arrow word play, alright? Anyway, the way Merida fights against being shipped to a husband like the "tradition" I aforementioned asks her to, has always had my heart, even when I didn't like the movie. The focus on the mother-daughter relationship is special, I love it. Stellar movie.

Tangled — One of my favorite Disney movies, my favorite princess. But her relationship with Eugene.... Well. Again, three days. That's all it takes to fall in love. Classic of Disney. Not only that, but Eugene is literally the first man person Raps has ever since, besides Gothel. The bar is nonexistent for her, she would have fallen for anyone. He lied to her and she still... Well, I won't stress that any longer. Their relationship in the end is sweet, one of the few cases where we are actually shown that they would risk their lives to save each other. Respect that. Mostly, I love her magical hair and Pascal. And the guys of Snuggly Duckling.

Moana — EPIC MOVIE. The story, the culture, the character growth, the plot twist, everything! Loved it at first sight, at second and forever. Even more when I became aware that there's no romance in it. I don't think I need to say more.

Frozen — My opinions on this movie have always been changing, accompanied by mixed feelings. So the relationship between sisters was cute, but Lilo and Stitch made that more realistic. Anna's relationship with Hans, ugh. I think that for a long time I used the fact that he was the antagonist to justify my absolute hate for the way Anna "fell" for him in one evening. Again, Anna sweetheart. This is the first man you've met. The bar is nonexistent for you too. God bless Elsa for forbidding her to marry Hans. And while it's cute to think Elsa as a lesbian, she has aromantic vibes. Sorry not sorry, but she's also a God by the end of Frozen 2. Gods are beyond attraction, I said what I said.

Raya and the Last Dragon — Loved it, still do. Say what you will about "dragon Elsa". Sisu is her own character, and I adore her. And yes, I love the lack of romance in the movie. Make no mistake, I shipped Raya and Namaari from the first moment they smiled at each other. I swear on my name that I paused the movie and screamed, GAYYYY, at the top of my lungs. Luckily, I was home alone. If only Disney directors would do the right fcking thing and give me a queer main couple!! I swear I wouldn't mind the lovey-dovey romance one bit.

Of course, I've left dozens of movies out. This post is already way longer than I wanted it to be. But I think that was enough to make a point.

While I'm not romance-repulsed, seeing animated kisses (and unnecessary relationships) on screen makes me uncomfortable. As a child and as a grownup. It just doesn't sit right with me. Not to mention all these princesses who identify with their princes and specifically their relationships with said princes when they're perfect on their. Wreck it Ralph 2 made them a favor, I think, by making them work together and showing their strengths. Another movie I love.

Friendship just makes an overall better theme to apply to kids shows, my opinion. Family, work, self-discovery, mental health, happiness. These are all better themes to portray in media dedicated for children. Which is, again, my opinion.

And yes, Disney has been getting better. They've fixed the age difference and the age of consent. The female characters no longer depend on the male ones, at least not as often. They understand the assignment, alright. There are still many questionable things about Disney's reputation though, things we all choose to overlook for the sake of the good movies. But who knows? They might change. Hopefully soon we'll also have an obviously queer couple in a movie. Hope dies last.

[chernobog13]

Welcome to the twelfth of the Superman theatrical cartoons!  This episode debuted on November 20, 1942.

This is going to be another truncated presentation, as this cartoon is filled with terrible caricatures of the Japanese characters depicted.  They are even worse than the caricatures in the tenth episode; these characters barely resemble human.

Some may say this is due to the prejudices and attitudes of the time.  America was still smarting from the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, and the war in the Pacific wasn’t going well.  Depicting the Japanese as sub-human was acceptable because they were the enemy and they didn’t look like “us” (read: white).  As opposed to the Germans, who had a great many sympathizers in the US even at the beginning of the war (research American Bunds; you’ll find more than a few parallels to the white supremacist/right-wing extremists causing so many problems in America today).

None of that is an excuse for the blatant racism depicted in this cartoon, which is why I have done my best to exclude it from these posts. 

Additionally, although I forgot to mention it in my posts about the previous episode (Showdown), you’ll notice that Superman no longer has a belt.  I don’t know if this was due to budget cuts Paramount Pictures instituted when Famous Studios (formerly Fleischer Studios) became the in-house animation studio, or because the animators were too lazy and/or pressed for time to draw the belt.  

Another cost-cutting and time-saving measure was the re-use of footage from an earlier episode, The Bulleteers.

Now. let’s set the stag for today’s cartoon.  Our story opens in--

Everything seems quiet in the shipyards of the Imperial Japanese Navy as the hour approaches eleven p.m.

Then a ship mysteriously slips out of its dry dock and immediately sinks!

Who could be responsible for this act of sabotage?

What’s this?  Superman is sealing himself inside what appears to be a hotel room in Japan as sirens blare through the night.

What?  Lois Lane is there, too?

Lois: “Hello, Clark?  Are you awake?”

Clark: “I’ll say.  Who could sleep through a racket like this?”

Lois: “But it’s been going on every night since we’ve been interned.  What do you suppose it could be?”

Clark: “Could be sabotage, I hope.”

Lois: “Me, too.  But who do you suppose--”

Clark: “Yes, Lois?”

Lois: “Oh, nothing.  Just a silly hunch that Superman might be over here.”

So there we have it.  Reporters Clark Kent and Lois Lane are being held prisoner in Japan.  We’re never told how they got there (I doubt they were sent as war correspondents) or how they were captured, or why they are being held in a hotel instead of a prison.

Oh well, these are cartoons.  You’re not supposed to think about it too much; just go along with the story.

[vv3nti]

JJ HEADCANON:

i needed this really bad.

I was thinking about this last night before I went to bed, and now I want to write a little concept or whatever. Imagine if JJ had a black girlfriend, like a 3B-4C hair, dark or brown skin girlfriend.

Maybe she was friends with Sarah, and when Sarah starting Dating John B, she'd bring this girl along, and JJ is hopelessly falling for her, and he keeps asking to take her on a date. And she's just like "JJ, I don't date white boys."

JJ would be disappointed, but he wouldn't stop trying and always hanging around you, observing her and all her habits. He was going to be her one exception.

Once JJ started picking up on the little things— for example, she'd always forgot a hair tie, and Kiara's or Sarah's were always too dainty for her thick hair; JJ make sure the next time he went to the store he bought the thick ties that would hold her hold, and he'd were them on his wrist.

"Fuck, I forgot a hairband. My hair's gonna get hella tangled if I swim." She would end up sitting on the edge of the boat.

And JJ would show up next to her, the black-tie laying on his flat hand. "For you, ma'am."

She'd probably be really suspicious, her eyes squinted as she takes the tie from him, and JJ would just have a fat grin of his lips.

"What are you playing at, Maybank?"

"You never have a tie, and I'm just being a good friend providing you with one." He'd jump off the boat but not before winking at her.

She would act unaffected by all JJ's little gestures, but they'd really warm her heart, no one had done anything like this for her.

Maybe next, it would be JJ putting curl shampoo and conditioner in John B's shower. He'd have to ask Kiara or Pope's mom which ones to buy.

And next, he'd add curl cream, then lotion or edge control and a brush. But they'd all be the wrong brand, and for some reason, she'd want to take him to show him the right products.

"Maybank, let's go. We're going shopping."

She would end up taking him to the black hair store on the mainland; usually, she'd just get her stuff from Heyward, but— for some odd reason, she wanted to spend more time with JJ.

"If you want to buy me stuff, then you have to know the right stuff to buy. Okay?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

And after she got what she needed, the shopping trip turned into ice cream, which turned into sneaking on a full ferry because it was the last one.

"You know we technically had our first date, yesterday."

So, fast forward to when she finally say's yes to JJ, and they start dating. I feel like they'd move pretty fast, but it's the right pace for them.

JJ would spend a lot of nights at her house and vise versa(we're just gonna ignore his dad in here).

He'd have her all her hair, skin, and nail products in his bathroom. Both of them would have a draw in the other's dresser and a toothbrush.

JJ would always have a hair tie around his wrist wherever he went, it became natural to him. And she'd continually have a pint of weed on her or a juul because JJ always sit them down anywhere and forget about them.

I feel like their relationship would be tested a lot; her parents don't like the idea of her dating a white boy, or JJ would see some injustices and racism she faces up close, maybe too many people get in her head saying she(her blackness) is just a phase or a fetish.

And it would be hard for the two of them. JJ would have to prove to both this girl and her parents that he really loved her and all of her.

But of course, they'd get through it and stand by/support each other when things got tough, all the hardships would probably bring them closer.

OH, AND YOU KNOW JJ is reading to fight anyone who wrongs his girl, whether it's someone being too touchy, hitting on her, calling her a slur, TOUCHING HER HAIR.

He'd probably have to get on John B for asking to touch it when it was in box braids once.

"Seriously, man?" You did not just ask that. Come on, dude, you don't ask white girls with straight hair to touch it, do you?"

Pope would chime in. "You do not ask to touch a black girl's hair."

Kiara too. "First rule in the book. JJ, you need to teach him better."

JJ would love to see her in yellow and red because it complimented her skin tone.

“Should we have a small or big wedding?”

“I don't know, JJ.”

“Hm, it's up to you.”

“Maybe we should sneak off to the Caribbean and have a secret wedding.”

They probably gush over each other's eyes, JJ's ocean blue ones, and her dark brown eyes.

JJ would want to learn how to do curly hair in case they had a daughter.

“What do you think our kids will look like?”

“I don't know JJ.”

“I think we’d have super cute kids.”

“Of course they’d be cute, they’ll have our genes.”

So, she'd start by teaching JJ how to do ponytails and loose braids. But loose braids soon turned into a french/dutch braids.

The crew would be out on the boat talking and drinking. And JJ would randomly start braiding and playing with her hair. But would probably end up tangling it.

They'd probably have a lot of cooking lessons together with her mom.

“JJ, if it's not spicy, it's not gumbo.”

“My bad, ma’am. So, more paprika?”

In conclusion, I needed to live out my fantasy of JJ with a black girlfriend and I might start a series.

[mourningmaybells]

Peter Lukas?

Rich boy bastard Peter Lukas? Mother Fucking Asshole lonely uwu cloud sweaty sea captain, only Avatar to become Martin’s BITCH, dumbest boomer to curse the Earth Peter Lukas.

I Am Calmly Asking You To Stop Reminding Me He Existed.

This bastard man cannot leave my head. Why does he pretend to be ‘nice’? Why does he pretend to be a ‘master manipulator’? Martin played this fake bitch like a toot-toot kazoo and he didn’t even know it.

Was it cause he was rich? Was it cause he was 'sheltered’? Cryptic bastard keeps haunting my thoughts driving me to smack any cloud of mist that rolls by.

He’s not even real, I’ve never even seen him and I know he’s the first image search result for racist white man- don’t deny it. He called Jon “grubby”. He probably can’t google search ‘curry’ without exploding. The Eye told me.

If I died and saw heaven’s gates, I’d say “no thank you” and go to hell just to punch this rat’s homophobic gay fucking face with my brown bi fury fists. And kill him a second time. And then a third.

I am so glad I caught up with the series and know he’s gone for good, never coming back for another divorce. He says he hates being a podcast character, and I think “Yeah bitch. Me too.” If he comes back in season 5 even as a flashback I am writing a strongly worded letter to 𝒲𝒽𝒾𝒸𝒽𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝒟𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝒫𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓇 𝒾𝓉 𝑀𝒶𝓎 𝒞𝑜𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓇𝓃. And you know what? That flashback is probably an apology video for being a landlord. He’ll take off his cap, remove his make up, pretend to cry in the middle and then realize tapes don’t have built-in cameras.

I may look and sound calm while saying this, my voice may be quiet, but inside I Am Furious. He became a landlord and took Martin to his toxic-ass vape fog. He ruthlessly screened his ritual victims, all of which were somehow 120% white men, and he somehow forgot about privilege. And he 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝒽𝑜𝓌 forgot about Gertrude “Ruthless Grandma” Robinson. He’s right. She should have murdered him! Good on Martin for saying “Fuck you!” to his dusty face :)!

His background makes him even worse. This rich man took advantage of people with mental health issues and money problems. And when his employees wanted to confront their shitty boss, he just wooshed them. Wooshed Them. He would have lived in failure, but then decided to steal a statement-hungry, ALL-SEEING EYE Man’s boyfriend. He really thought he could hide in the mist and survive like a rat crawling into the walls after angering a ripped, beefy exterminator. With x-ray vision.

Jonah BETTER have sent reparation money to Mr and Mr Blackwood-Sims. Mothman of color had to eat white bread just to free his Boyfriend of color from his ex-husband.

Thank Eye God Jon killed him so every Thursday I don’t have to stop myself from going into a murder rage like I’m listening to Grifter’s Bone.

Jon literally gave him the option of “be known or die” and he chose “die”. Like a dumbass.

When Jon obliterated him with the power of Gay Love, every lgbt working class person felt it. A single, happy tear rolling down their cheeks. The Earth shook and skies cleared to show the stars spelling “RIP You Piece of Shit Landlord. Ibang Lebel Ang Kagaguhan Mo.”

I Am Calm but it is still waters hiding carnivorous fish in the depths below

(Literally think his death should be a nationwide holiday. People should celebrate Jon killing racism, ableism, classism and homophobia incarnate.)

[endless-whump]

Kefi: Favorites

Universe belongs to @wildfaewhump <3

CW: violence, implied nightmare, captivity, torture, fantasy racism, very brief implied/threatened mouth (tongue) whump, conditioning, self deprecation, creepy whumper, extremely panicked/frantic whumpee, references to fantasy trafficking/selling parts of a fae, referenced wing whump (specifically the breaking of wing bones)

Masterlist

believe it or not there’s fluff in this XD

---

“Get in.”

Kefi shrank back, chains scraping loudly against the floor.  They shook their head, chest heaving with the attempts to breathe.  They couldn’t go in there, they knew those bars would be iron and they couldn’t take any more burns and they just couldn’t.

“Was, was good- was good, I was, no no please-”

A sharp cry echoed in the room as the man grabbed Kefi by the hair, the fae kicking weakly as they were dragged across the floor.  Their head exploded in pain, sobs wracking their body as they pawed uselessly at the hands in their hair.

“None of that faespeak, else I’ll brand your tongue, too.”

The cage rattled violently as the fae’s small body was tossed in, a shrill scream tearing from them.  Everything burned,the bars on their legs and arms and feet and back impossible to escape from as they scrambled for relief.  The door slammed shut, the almost cage shaking with the force of the panicked fae’s struggling.  Their feet scraped against the bottom of the cage to try and scramble back, only hitting more bars, the bottoms of their feet burning on the metal.

“N,No no please, h,help help,”  They couldn’t breathe, no matter how much they moved something was touching the bars, something was burning and something was hurting and they couldn’t bear it.  

“I said stop!”

Kefi cried as the man hit the cage, scratching at their ringing ears.  

“You’ll stay like that until you can learn to shut up and let yourself be useful.”  A hand shot out to grab the collar of the fae’s tattered shirt, yanking them up against the iron bars.  They just kept crying, trying to pull away from the grip keeping them up against the cage.  “You stay still, you stay quiet, and you stay useful, and in return I’ll keep you alive enough to.”

“Will, I will, please, please-”

Their vision went white as their head was slammed against the cage, agony racing through their body as they were shaken.  It smelled like blood, small hands clawing at the collar too tight around their throat, pressed up against the bars.

“Shut up!”

Still

They tried to drop their hands, closing their eyes as they shivered violently, skin burning at the contact they tried not to cringe away from.  The harsh grip stayed, fingers moving with deceiving gentleness through the fae’s hair

“Good fae.”

Quiet

Pained trills died in their throat, breaths thin and ragged.  They tried to relax against the touch even as it burned.

Useful

--

A ragged gasp caught in their throat as Kefi jerked awake, scrabbling at the blankets wrapped around them.  There was iron, they couldn’t breathe, they were trapped and they needed to get out.

They were warm, which was strange.  It was always cold in the chains.  

“Kefi?”

A loud, scared trill tore from the fae’s throat as they buried themself against Metilia’s chest.  Warm arms wrapped around them, warm warm warm, it wasn’t cold anymore.  They never wanted to be cold again.

“Bad...bad memory,”  They whispered, voice breaking.  They felt safe under the weight of the blankets, the crackling fire behind them a comforting sound.  It felt like home here.  

“Kefi...did they use you?  Did they sell you? I know down north they have markets-”

“Yes,” They whispered, hiding against Metilia.  “They...they took my feathers, and, um, they’d break off parts of..of my wing.  T,The bone,”

The arms tightened, hands rubbing up and down their back soothingly.

“God..that should never have happened, Kef.”

“So..so much blood, they took.”  The fae kept going, voice shaking as they clung to her.  “They took it.  They, They just k,kept passing me around and so many cages, there were, and they all took it.”

Metilia didn’t say anything to that.

“Talking again, Metilia, was I? In sleep?”

“Yea.”

“I’m sorry.”

Kefi was pulled to a sitting position, trilling tiredly as the blankets slipped off their head, squinting against the sudden light.  Yellow eyes blinked to focus on Metilia’s brown ones, hands ruffling their hair.

“Don’t be silly, you have nothing to be sorry for.  You want some food?”

They perked up, letting their trills die in their throat, still eagerness slipping into their demeanor.  Their wings dropped, relaxed, behind them.  They looked meek. Compliant.

“Yes please, will be good, may I-”

Metilia pressed her finger to their lips, stopping them with a frown.  

“None of that,”  She murmured sadly, and pushed a bowl into their hands.  “Made this while you were asleep...you don’t have to ask for things like that anymore.”

Kefi looked down at the bowl, blinking dumbly.

“Chicken pot pie.”

Metilia tilted her head, watching them carefully.  They seemed cautious...sad, almost.  Did she get it wrong?  Did seeing it remind them of something, make them sad?  Did she just make things worse?

“I’m sorry, you always seemed to like it and I know you’ve been having trouble with food, I can make you something else if-”

“It’s my favorite.”

She closed her mouth, staring at the small fae in front of her.  She wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

“Yea, I used to make it every week, Kef.”

Kefi took a bite, and she didn’t miss the way their hands trembled just slightly.  Small, bony wrists were visible from the cuffs of their large sweater as they fell down a bit.  They smiled, rocking side to side, taking another bite, closing their eyes.

“Have been gone for long time, did not expect you to remember.”

She put a hand over theirs, stopping them for a moment.  They refused to look up at her, but also didn’t draw away.  The firelight cast against their back shadowed their face.

“Kefi, why would I forget that.”

They paused, glancing up at her nervously.  “They told me you forgot.  That I was not remembered.”  They took another bite when Metilia removed her hand, smile faded a bit, now.  “That I became nothing.”

She let them eat in quiet.  As soon as the bowl was set aside she bundled them up in her arms, setting her chin on the top of their head as she stared into the fire.  They were so strong to even make it back here, to her, but she couldn’t help but see how they had broken.

“Kefi, you are everything.  I see the stars in you every time I lay eyes on you, even if you can’t see it in yourself anymore.  They will never take that away from you, not truly.”

She hoped they could heal, with time.  She hoped she could make up for how she’d let them be hurt, be torn apart, be manipulated into believing the piles of lies that made them seem to carry a disturbing indifference about themself.  She wished...god, she wished she could take it all away.

“Metilia?”

“Yea, Kef?”

“Forgot bread rolls, you did.”

---

taglist

@simplygrimly @cinnamonflavoredhugs @finder-of-rings @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @insanitywishes @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi

[riverleyk]

RECOVERED: Lost Mafia Kids files.

Mafia kids: 12 signatures as been my passion project all the way back since high school... like... 6 or 5 years ago? Oh my god... I'm getting old. This dates back to 2018.

CHAPTER 1

My high school years will be memories that I look over with more and more horror as I get older. At the time, I wasn’t afraid and I was too naive to realize the real danger I was in. However, I will never regret what I did. I was only trying to help.

It started with my dad losing his job. My family depended on him financially, my mom never worked too much, my brother, Kevin, was too young to even work, and even if I was old enough to work at the time, I didn’t want to and I felt as though I was allowed not to. Pretty selfish, right? But the minimum wage I could have gotten wouldn’t have helped in this situation; my family used to be rich, but once my dad was fired, we lost all the money and the benefits that came along with it. I assume it’s because my father liked to show off and so we were living above our means.

We moved to the slums of the big city, it was the most dangerous place in the area, but the cheapest. We stopped buying nice things like we used to, now we lived on bare essentials. Kevin took this hard, but I tried to adapt. I went to a new school too. It was the only school in the ghetto closest to our house, but it was infamous for being filled with child delinquents. Not only that, but it was infamously known as the worst school out there, in the poorest neighborhood.

I was so foolish… I really expected to be accepted there. In my old school, I was a bit bullied but I had a large group of friends, and we all got a long great! I was a really social and friendly person, so I wasn’t worried about going and making new friends in this hostile environment, but I was so, so, SO stupid!

From the second I walked in, I was stunned by how diverse it was there, there were few white people, and most of the kids there were racial minorities. I stuck out like a sore thumb… I went to school wearing my favorite rainbow pastel dress, I had even curled my hair and showered before my first day of school! I smelled of flowers and I was so cute looking. That however… That was my first mistake!

The others kids looked dirty… I don’t want to sound mean but they did! Their shirts were covered with stains. They seemed tired and unkempt. It was really a shocking contrast to the private school I went to before, but I tried not to judge. I acted super friendly and nice to everybody I saw. I introduced myself and I did a curtsy, I was so prim and proper!

“Hello there! My name’s Safara Grace, I’m new to this school. How are you?” Is what I’d say, but people seemed to hate me even more.

But not only that… I was white… Pure white. No, I don’t think you understand just how pale my skin is, it looks like I’ve never been outside before. Why? Because I’m an albino! Yes, my skin is pale, my eyes are purple and my hair is bleach white. Every time people see me, they look stunned and ask if I’m faking it. I’ve been dealing with this my whole life. I was born this way. Albinos are so rare, so the best way I can make you understand what my life is like on a daily basis is to make you imagine something…

So imagine you’re a kid… A black kid...going to school, but everybody there is white. They've never seen a black kid before and you are the only black kid around.

Imagine the bullying or the weird stares… Yeah! That’s my life all the time! Except I have no refuge with other albino people like the black kid does, I just have me! Being such a rare trait, I don’t even know another who looks like me… Oh and also, my skin is very irritable to sun light, so I walk around with a parasol all the time.

But anyways, I made no friends. For the first time ever, I was unable to make friends! I was heart broken and confused. I became very lonely. I hated this school so much… Everybody was so different… They hated me because I looked rich and I was so freakishly white. I told myself that the racism against me for being white was justified. I mean, white people were very racist in the past… But I soon stopped when I realized the few other white kids in the school weren’t getting bullied at all! Well… Except for one… I noticed this boy who always did group projects and sat alone at lunch like I did... He never spoke and nobody ever dared talk about him. I started hanging out with him, and I soon learned why…

CHAPTER 2

Yeah, that boy was creepy. He was tall, bone thin skinny, and he had extremely messy dark brown hair, tipped with gold. He was sort of attractive in the “I look almost dead inside but I’m super hot” kind of way. He wore a blue dress shirt with a grey hoodie on top. He was…strange.

He looked so tired with black bags hung under his eyes. His skin was gray and bruised all over. He had this depressing aura that lingered around him. To any normal person, just staring at him would send off red flags and make you stay away. To me though, a desperate and lonely teenage girl, he was perfect.

I quickly understood why everybody stopped bullying me when I started hanging out with him; they pitied me! They used to call me names and shove me into walls, but they stopped when I met him.

One day, a popular girl told me she would be my friend if I stopped hanging out with him. “Uh… why? I’m sorry but this sounds like a trap.” I replied to her, rolling my eyes.

“I know this looks cheap but I’m not kidding…”, she paused, “that guy is NUTS. He’s too weird for such an innocent li'l girl like you. Look, I promise to be nicer and I’ll tell everybody in school that you’re cool, but seriously…not him…hang out with anybody except him…”

“Why? Why is he so crazy to you?” I was so insulted by her pleas.

“Because he’s…he’s… I don’t know what’s wrong with him!”, she yelled at me. “The guy’s a fucking creeper and he’s unstable! Not only that, but rumors around school say that he’s addicted to the worst kinds of drugs, but nobody is even sure of that. Others say he’s mental, but it doesn’t matter what his problem is, he’s gonna rip you apart, Safari!”

“My name is Safara…”, I said in a dead pan tone. All I could do was walk away.

I think I did the right thing in that moment… That girl was a bitch to me. She spread lies around the school about my father and how he lost his job for cheating on my mom. Everybody believed it only because she was popular. I hated her and I wasn’t going to take her advice.

But, no matter how I spin it… She was absolutely right. Bonding with that guy was harder than I thought… More often than not, I felt uncomfortable around him. Getting him to speak was hard enough, he would ignore me and stay silent but when he did talk, it was…

IT WAS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND HIM! He spoke like an emotionless robot! His tone of voice was this constant bored and tired tone, yet sometimes he’d say a joke or act sarcastic, but it wouldn’t make any sense because he sounded exactly the same as his normal tone!

It took me a whole month to get him to talk to me. I felt bad for pestering him around… I’d force my way into working with him during group projects in class, I’d eat with him at lunch, and I'd hang out with him in the library.

I remember the first time I got him to talk to me. I had opened up my sketch book and tried showing him my clothing designs. He looked at them blankly. He seemed uninterested at most of the drawings.

"They're pretty good.", he said in an uncaring tone.

"Oh...you...like them? For real?" I couldn't help but smile anyway.

“Yeah.” He replied simply. “You’re good.”

"Oh, thank you..." I pointed to my favorite ones. "You see how my dresses are colorful? Well, I do that just cause these days all the clothes are boring and black. I like making my stuff stand out, but I also like pastel colors too."

I assumed he didn't care because he sounded bored. Also he's was a boy. Boys don't like fashion like girls do.

He tilted his head slightly, "Yeah..I can see that.”. He sounded just as lifeless as ever.

I was surprised by this interaction, but after this he seemed to open up to me. He spoke to me about the things his liked; those being science and history, but he still didn’t talk much.

It was funny, because after a while I got used to him. I was able to read his sarcasm from his honesty even if the tone of his voice didn’t give any clues… I was so used to his weirdness that I stopped questioning him about all the bruises he had on his body. Heck, I even forgot that I didn’t know his name!

But luckily, one day he told me it out of the blue. We were in class working on a english oral presentation and we were both writing our parts and then he suddenly looked at me, straight in the eyes and said:

“Dimitrius Atkins.”

“What?”, I replied, not even bothering to look back at him.

“That’s my name. I know your name.” He replied. “But you don’t know mine… a-and that’s not fair.”

“Oh… You’re right! I sort of forgot about asking you after a while.”, I said, surprised. “Dimitrius… That’s an uncommon name..” “Please call me Dimitri though.” He corrected me with a monotone expression. “I don’t like Dimitrius.”

“Oh… why don’t you?”

“It sounds too serious. I’m a goofy guy. It’s not very fitting.”, he said seriously. How ironic.

I just giggled and went back to work.

From then on, we sort of became friends. The more he spoke, the more concern grew in me. He wasn’t crazy like everybody said he was, but there was something wrong with him.

He showed up to school with blood stains on his sleeves and scars all over him sometimes. I can’t forget the time he showed up to class late… He limped over to his desk, bruises all over his hands and he had a black eye. That was my wake up call. After that, I started noticing more.

I guess the first thing was his sarcasm. I assumed it was sarcasm.

“Hey Dimitri, what’s up!?”, I’d say excitedly.

“No… He’s not here right now.”, he’d reply.

Or other nonsensical replies.

“Hey Dimitri, for the project, do you want me to write the introduction or should I do the conclusion?”

“No, Safara, the world won’t have a conclusion.”, he said blankly.

“Dimitri, I mean the project!”, I exclaimed. “What are you talking about?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.” He said looking away from me.

These sort of situations would come out of nowhere. Like I said, I thought it was him being sarcastic or making jokes, but the more we talked, the more I realized: he wasn’t joking. He was giving me these nonsense answers because he thought they were appropriate but it just made no sense…

I asked my mother, a psychologist, about it. I told her everything about him.

“Oh Safara… Your friend sounds like he’s mentally ill.”, she answered with concern in her eyes.

“You sure? I know he’s weird but…”

“Safara, this sounds serious. Maybe you should invite him over someday… I would love to talk to him.”

“Ok mom, I will.” I told her.

CHAPTER 3

The day after, I went to school with a mission. I was going to invite Dimitri to my house! I was so anxious about it that my legs were fidgeting all day.

I saw him sitting at his usual spot, alone in the library, reading a book about robotics like he always did. His hair was combed that day, he looked good for once! Well, looking good for him is pretty easy. He just has to look like he wasn't beat up 10 minutes ago and had washed his hair in the past 20 years.

I walked over to him, and Dimitri greeted me!

“Hey there, angel girl.”, he quietly said. He sounded tired.

I was caught off guard. Was he complimenting me? I sat down next to him.

“Hey there. So…do you want to go out?”, I said jokingly. I wanted to see him get flustered. I was pretty disappointed when he just nodded and continued reading. I think I may have spotted his cheeks get a little flushed, however.

“No, I mean, do you want to eat dinner with my family this weekend?”

“No.” He said dryly.

“Oh… Do you want to hang out this weekend?” I tried again.

“Sure.”

“At my house?”

“No.”

“Then where do you want to hang out?”, I snapped at him impatiently. I was shushed by the librarian.

“At the park.”, he whispered back.

“Oh. Cool.” I was a bit surprised. I didn’t know there was a park near by. “See ya there then.”

“Bye.” He waved at me and very obviously forced a smile. “Dimitri... I’m not leaving.” I laughed quietly but the librarian heard it. He promptly kicked me out of the library.

I got up and walked out.

“Bye again.”, he said while waving at me. This time his smile seemed more genuine, which hurt me a lot.

I muttered curse words under my breath and walked out embarrassed. My mission was a failure, but I was going to meet him at the park that Friday after school, so I felt proud either way.

Friday night finally came. The wait was unbearable. We met outside of the school. He gave a look, but it was more like a blank stare. He gave me a signal to walk over to him. Once I was close to him, he said carefully,

“Watch out for people who follow us. The park is safe but the path there is dangerous.”

I was unsure of how to reply so I just nodded. He put up his hood and lead the way. I followed him, walking by his side, trying not to get my parasol in the way. I tried to make small talk, but he stayed mostly quiet.

He asked me about my family, so I told him why I moved here.

“That’s too bad.”. He sounded careless, like he didn’t mean it. “This place is a bad place to live in.”

“I… Yeah…”. I agreed with him but I felt bad doing so, knowing that he lived here.

Looking around me, I saw trash all over the streets. People weren’t dressed as well as they used to be back in my previous neighborhood. People looked tired or overworked. There were hobos all over the place. Not to mention the buildings looked old and worn down.

“This place is so different from where I used to live.”, I told him.

“This is what poverty looks like.”, he said bluntly, “everybody here is suffering.”

“I know…”. I was hurt just seeing it all. I felt so sad for these people. “I want to help them.”

“Don’t.”

“W-why not?”. I stammered over my words, shocked by his apathy.

“They just take and take. They will never get out of this.”. He looked at me blankly. “Nobody gets out of poverty once they fall into it.”

“But… what about me?!”, I said, insulted.

“Start getting a job. Save up.”. He looked around behind his shoulder. “You can dream too.”

I stopped talking to him until we reached the park. I didn’t like him being so mean but what he said had truth to it.

The park was surprisingly isolated. It was full of trees and trash littered the ground. It was peaceful and it looked like a forest with hiking trails.

“You like to walk?”, he asked emotionlessly.

“Yes, and I love nature too.”, I said smiling, pleasantly surprised by the beauty of the park. “There’s a lot of trash here but it’s still nice to have a forest in the middle of the city.”

“That’s good.”, he replied, “nobody likes to come here…”

“Oh? Why not? It’s so pretty!”

“Um… well.”, he started, “there was once a big mafia that was running this part of the city. They committed many crimes. This park used to be popular for kids in the summer, but then they realized that the mafia was burying their victims here…. A police investigation was launched and they dug up over 22 bodies…”

“Oh my god…”, I whispered.

“Exactly.” He nodded. “People weren’t allowed in during the investigation…but once it was over, people didn’t want to come back in here. I’ve only ever seen one other guy here.” “They are afraid… and for good reason.”

“And nobody wants to buy this land cause it’s “haunted” apparently.” He forces a small laugh like it’s funny. “I’ve been here a lot and I haven’t seen anything here.”

“Well… heh… I can’t say I’m exactly too thrilled to take a stroll in here now.” I joked even though it was half true.

He didn’t reply. He just started walking. We walked in silence for a bit. It was making me feel really uncomfortable. I started looking around the forest. We could still hear the cars whooshing past us, as the streets were just behind the tree line, but as we walked further and further away, the sound faded.

I felt at peace, listening to the rustle of the wind in the leaves and the birds in the trees.

As a city girl, I don’t go to forest that often. My closest experience to animals are the bird feeders in my back yard and the squirrels. This walk was giving me nostalgic memories of the times I went camping.

I turns to look at what was to my left and I jumped a bit, seeing Dimitri besides me was startling as he was so quiet I forgot he was there. Though now, I was staring at him…. subtly! So he wouldn’t notice… I spotted a couple of bruises on his hands, neck and a faded scar on his cheek. Now that I was up close to him, I could see there was a lot more signs of injuries on him then I had previously thought.

“Hey Dimitri…”, I mumbled to him timidly.

He almost robotically turned to look at me. “Yeah?”

“Sorry for asking this… It might be personal. Why do you have a lot of bruises on your skin?”, I asked him. Instantly regretting the invasive question, I stammered out another sentence. “It’s nosey of me, I know, but it’s a hard detail to miss. It’s concerning…”

He went back to looking in front of him. He didn’t reply for a solid minute. The silence and wait was unbearable.

“I just get into a lot of fights.” He answered simply.

“But how?” My interest was peaked.

“Well you know… it’s a bad neighborhood. Gangs are everywhere.” He turned to look at me. “You better be careful.”

The words lingered in my head, sending a chill down my spine. The way he said it, cold and uncaringly, sent implications that were not spoken. Was he…threatening to attack me? Or was he warning me of other people doing so? He creeped me out.

“T-thanks… I will.”

Finally we reached a small river that ran along through the city and this park. We stopped and Dimitri told me a story about how a kid drowned in it. He’s not a very cheerful guy but I tried to ignore it…

We sat along the edge of the river. There were ducks passing by. Dimitri pulled a whole loaf of bread out of his back pack and handed me a few slices.

“Do you always carry around bread in your bag?” I laughed.

“Yep.” He said throwing a piece of bread into the water.

I laughed even harder. “So you do this often?”

“Yep.”

A pack of ducks were gathered around us now, fighting over the pieces of bread we were tossing into the water. We fed the ducks together while chatting. Eventually the topic of family came up.

“Well… I have a little brother. He’s a little brat. What about you?”, I asked.

“I’m a single child.”, he said, concentrated on the ducks.

“Aw, that must be lonely, isn’t it?”

“It is… But not because of my lack of siblings.”, he answered robotically.

“Oh how so?” I was probing for more information.

“Well I don’t have a father… Um… no. I do have a dad, he’s just not around much at all. And my mom? I avoid her.” He said hesitantly.

“Why is your dad gone? Why do you avoid your mom?”, I asked, concerned for him.

He forced a smile and looked at me. “No. Everything is fine.”

“Dimitri…” I gave him my “I know you’re lying to me” face and his smile faded away back to his neutral expression.

“My mom isn’t a nice woman… And my dad is in prison.”

“Oh… I’m sorry.” I felt bad for pushing him to say it.

But a thought clicked in my head. He came to school everyday with bruises and cuts and he admitted that his mother wasn’t “nice”. Was this abuse?

“D-Dimitri… does your mom hurt?” I questioned.

“No.” He said simply.

“But you-”

“No.” he said a bit louder. “She doesn’t like me. But she doesn’t not like me either.” He said calmly. “Now stop asking me crappy questions.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s ok. I forgive you.”

We finished the bread and the ducks looked satisfied. They swam off and we walked off. He chatted a little back to the streets. I offered Dimitri the dinner invitation again and he accepted. We scheduled it, and I went home.

CHAPTER 4

It was the big day! Dimitri was gonna come over, we were going to hang out, eat dinner and somehow I’d persuade him to talk to my mom so she could figure out what was wrong with him.

I know I sound weird, trying to stalk him and get him diagnosed by my mom, but I obsessively want to help people and sometimes I take it too far. This is one of those times.

Dimitri showed up at our door. He was wearing a blue dress shirt and his hair was combed but still messy. He had a black eye and a bloody nose. He didn’t seemed fazed by it at all.

My brother heared the knocking first, unknowing of what our guest would look like. To his surprise, he was met by a disheveled young man at our door, standing like nothing was the matter. All he could do was stare.

Dimitri was so shy he didn’t say anything, just bleeding out of his nose. The blood was dripping down his face and leaking down his neck. He had just been seriously punched in the face, but my brother was too choked up and confused to know what to do.

“What the fuck happened to you!?”, Kevin yelled in disgust.

“I um..” He stammered. “I was mugged before coming here…”

Kevin just gave him a look of astonishment and ran into the kitchen to call for our mother.

Dimitri just let himself in. At that point I had heard the commotion and promptly came down the stairs. I froze up, seeing Dimitri bleeding like that.

“Hi Safara!” He waved cheerfully to me.

My mother came rushing in and bombarded the boy with questions, giving him a towel for his nose and a wet rag for his eye.

Dimitri seemed oddly perky. Usually, he was emotionless, making him come across as bored or slightly annoyed with everything. However, now he seemed to have a hint of happiness in his demeanor. I won’t ever complain about Dimitri being actually happy for once, but it was so different from his normal self that it weirded me out.

My mother, brother and I gave him a lot of attention while trying to help his wounds heal. He just sat there and gave us a small smile. He was giggling randomly from time to time. He seemed to be really enjoying himself even thought nothing much was happening.

“So what happened to you, eh?” Kevin asked.

“Oh... I was walking over here from my house. I was taking the back roads to avoid the traffic.” He started to explain.

“Back roads? Traffic? You were walking! How could there be traffic?” Kevin interrupted.

“I don’t like the big streets with too many cars…” He snarled. “Anyways… I passed by an alley way when a sketchy little girl jumped in front of me. She said something about me needing to go somewhere with her to meet somebody and to learn “about the past.” But I didn’t want to be late so I “kindly explained” to her that I needed to be somewhere and she got “upset” with me. Then, she punched me in the face and walked off.”

“That’s… odd.” I interjected. “Are you ok though?”

“Well I’m here aren’t I?” He smiles brightly.

I was just more unnerved. This was too out of character for him… But I tried to ignore it.

Dimitri was popular with my family. My dad and him made jokes together. My brother and him ran off to play video games. (By the way, he sucks at gaming. I would haven’t guessed he’d be terrible…)

My mother approached me.

“Safara, you said he was off, but he doesn’t seem like it now.”

“I know but he’s never acted like this before. He’s usually cold and apathetic to everything.” I turned to face her. “He’s like emotionless all the time and the other kids at school say he’s crazy and talks to himself. I don’t get it! He’s the complete opposite to how he asks at school.”

My mother just stared at me for a moment. “Have you noticed that he was giggling at nothing earlier?”

“Yes?”

“He’s high.” She said with a really serious tone.

“WHAT?” I gasped.

“QUIET! It’s only a guess… But I’ve seen this behavior before. He doesn’t have any redness in the eyes, though… So I don’t know what it is that he’s on. Oh, but there's also other factors. Maybe at school, he’s just really depressed and outside of school he feels more free to open up?” She hypothesized.

“That can’t be it. When we went to the park, he was acting the same.” I argued.

“Well then.” She rolled her eyes. “We should let him get comfortable and then we can get our improv therapy session, but only if he cooperates.”

The night went on. Dimitri's enthusiasm diminished so much so during the night that he was back to his emotionless self when dinner came around. He was so quiet that my family ignored him for the whole supper. He was extremely shy. I tried to talk to him but he would only nod his head in response to anything.

After dinner, he and I went up to my room. I gave him a “grand tour” which mainly consisted of me showing him my stuff and him just listening. He was barely talking. I felt bad.

“Dimitri… are you ok?”

He just nodded meekly.

“It’s ok if you aren’t. Do you want to go home?” I asked him, sitting down on my bed.

Dimitri sat down next to me. I started getting nervous and my heart was beating fast. He was so close to me I could feel his body heat radiating.

“No… I like it here a lot. Your new house is very lovely, Safara.” He answered quietly.

My heart started pumping faster. I was my shot to convince him to talk to my mother. I had to ask him!

“So Dimitri…”

“Yes!?” He interrupted me suddenly.

“My mom is a psychologist and I know you have some problems… I was wondering if maybe you could talk to her and she could help you, like a therapy session. You wanna try it?”

He just blankly stared at me. His face was draining of blood and he was losing color.

“Yeah… but she won’t talk to you about it, right?”

“Oh no! That would be breaking the confidentiality rules! She won’t tell me anything. Even if I asked her, she’s very serious about her job.”

“Uh… ok. But not now…” He hesitated.

“Oh that's alright.” I leaned over to put my head on his shoulder.

I felt him shutter from the touch but he didn’t move away from it. He posed his head on mine and we sat like this for a while. It was peaceful and warm. I closed my eyes and held his hand. His palms were sweaty and he was trembling a bit.

“Do you mind?” I asked.

“No.” He answered.

“Good.” I held his hand tightly.

“I d-didn’t think this was a date.” He stammered.

“It’s not…”

“Then why are you doi- holdi- uh… UMM-”

“Sorry.” I back away and let go. “I’m just a huggy person. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I’m just…” he shivers a bit. “Not used to getting touched affectionately.”

“Oh Dimitri.” I giggled. “I don’t really consider this affection, I just think of hugs as casual things friends do.”

“Oh ok.” He replied.

We watched a little bit of TV, not saying much. After the episode ended, He got up and walked out. I thought he was going to the bathroom and he’d come back quickly but he never did.

After 20 minutes, I left the room and looked around.

Kevin was in the kitchen, sneaking cookies out of my parents’ secret spot for them.

“Hey bro, where’s Dimi?” I asked him, taking a cookie for myself.

“He’shh- wiff mom.” He said, mouth utterly stuffed with cookies.

“Thanks.” I put the cookies away and I went back to my room to wait for him.

I think Dimitri stayed there for 2 hours. I was watching the TV for a ridiculously long time. When he did come back, he looked drained.

“Sorry about that. I was expecting a little chat but I couldn’t shut myself up so I started ranting for a while.” He explained.

“Oh it’s ok. It is therapy.” I excused him.

He smiled and hugged me. I was taken aback but I held him tightly. I could feel his body. He was so frail and skinny under those clothes. It was calming for that half a second we that were close.

Then he left.

I felt so lonely with him gone.

But then I realized…

“SHIT! WE SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM A RIDE HOME!”

CHAPTER 5

Nothing changed much at school. Dimitri was his typical robot self. There is one thing that was very welcomed though… Dimitri seemed to be forcing himself to act more. He would talk with more hand gestures and smiles (but his smiles were very awkward looking because he was forcing them).

Dimitri also became really friendly with my family. He would come over once a week after his first session with my mother. She really liked talking to him.

Neither Dimitri or my mother told me what they would talk about, but I knew it was serious. She would walk around with her note book after the sessions and often times, she’d be the one to invite him over.

One day, I knew something was up. She sat me down to talk about him.

“Safara, what has he told you about his life?” She asked me with a sternness in her voice.

“Not much…” Then I repeated all that he told me.

“I see. He is trying to hide it…” She flipped through her notes. “I can’t tell you much, with out his consent, but Dimitri allowed me to tell you this yesterday.”

“Oh…” I could feel that what she was about to say really important.

She looked me dead in the eyes and straightened her glasses. “He’s been diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was 15 years old.”

A wave of shock zipped through my body. I was speechless.

“He has vivid hallucinations. Safara, that’s why he acts emotionless.” She told me.

“But what about when he comes here and acts all… alive?” I asked, completely baffled.

“That I don’t know.” She sighed. “But Safara, I want you to be extremely careful with him.”

“I am!”

“No… just…” She smiles at me. “Please keep being nice to him. You mean a lot to him.”

I blushed and nodded.

“That’s all I’m allowed to say. You should try to talk to him about his issues. He trusts you to keep these a secret, however. You got that, right?”

“Yes mother, I understand.” I got up to leave.

“Wait! I forgot to mention something.”

I sat back down.

“Would you mind if Dimitri lived with us?” She asked me.

My eyes widened. “You aren’t serious, are you?”

“I am. He has a bad home life, and I know that one of the only ways he can get better is by having a better family, so I asked him if could move in with us. It will be temporary, like maybe a few months or so.” She explained, justifying her decision. “I’ve already spoken to your father about this and he agrees. Dimitri wouldn’t be that huge of an addition to the family, we’d just need more food and that’s it.”

“Oh I don’t mind but don’t adopt him, ok? It would be weird to have a brother that looks so different from us.” I joked.

“Oh but that's what adoption is all about, sweetie! And he isn’t that different from us. I mean you are the most different of us all.” She touched my hair and poked my cheek, giggling the whole time.

This gesture really annoyed me. “...Thanks mom. But also, I just don’t want another brother. Kevin is enough of a brat as it is.”

“Dimitri’s a sweet young man” She said as she was getting up. “Anyways, I’m going to tell Kevin the news.”

I went back up to my room and I could hear my li'l bro wailing down stairs. He cried, “BUT THAT’S TOO MANY PEEEEOPLE!”. I snickered to myself.

CHAPTER 6

Dimitri came up to me at school the next day. He asked me if my mom told me the stuff and about the “news”.

“Oh. I’m so happy to be moving in with you.” He forced a smile but still sounded monotone.

“Me too! We’d get to hang out all the time!” I hugged him from excitement.

Dimitri grabbed me and spun around with me in his arms. He gently put me down. I looked up at him, confused but I saw a genuine smile on his face and my heart melted.

Dimitri being HAPPY is the cutest thing ever.

“Sorry. I’m just so excited.” He shook my hand for some reason. “I’ve just always wanted to leave home.”

“Oh… why?” I asked with concern.

“Well uh… Never mind!” He suddenly laughed awkwardly. “But yeah I’ll tell you in private. By the way, I’m sleeping in your basement.

“I’m really happy for you though.” I held his hand as we walked off to class. I didn’t care if the other students were watching. Dimitri seemingly lost his enthusiasm and got really quiet after that.

CHAPTER 7

Moving Dimitri into our basement wasn’t that hard and it didn’t take long. All he had was trash bags full of his clothes, a box that was full to the brim, labelled “parts”, and a mattress he used as a bed. All we did was put his stuff down and he organized it by himself.

Two hours later, he went up to my room. “Want a room tour, Saf?”

“Sure!” I went down the stairs alongside him.

His bed was just a mattress on the floor with a pillow and blanket. There was a desk that was particularly lacking the normal desk-clutter, and a simple wooden chair. My parents emptied out a shelf and he put his clothes there. There were no doors on the shelf so I could see his shirts, pants, and (Oh my gosh!) boxers! (Is it pervert to stare at a guy’s underpants??? It made me super uncomfortable to see those!)

Dimitri’s box of parts was untouched in the corner. All in all, the room was pretty small but it still had looked like he barely filled it. I walked over to his box and pointed at it.

“Need help unpacking this?” I asked.

“Oh!” He stared. “No. Don’t touch that, it’s fragile.”

“Ok, sorry.” I said. “So how do you like your new crib?”

“Super cool. I never really cared for the decorations, as long as it’s warm and I can eat and sleep, I’ll be fine.”

“Neat. So what now?” I asked.

He scratched his chin and looked up. “I don’t know. Want to watch a movie?”

“Sure! I just got a new horror movie from the store. I think it’s a slasher flick of something. I got it for my brother but he was too scared to watch it. I’m not a fan of those movies but I liked to get scared every once in a while. What do ya' say?”

He just went flush red and became really quiet. “Oh uh…” He scratched the back of his head. “Um… Ok.”

“What? You don’t like horror?” I asked, seeing how uncomfortable he was.

“N- I do like that. Let’s watch it.” His smile was meant to reassure me but it was so obvious it was forced.

So we went to my room to watch the movie. I really embarrassed with how much I yelped at each jump scare. Oh, and how I needed to cover my eyes during the violent scenes! Though, Dimitri barely had reaction. He was blushing from ear to ear and biting his lower lip. He would flinch during the fight scenes but, yeah. That was it. I thought he would be judging me for being a wimp! But half way through he got up and left, so I finished without him.

A hour later, I went downstairs to his room. I knocked on the door and he yelled. “It’s unlocked.” I walked in to see him fiddling around with metallic parts and tools. I approached cautiously.

“What are you doing?” I questioned, tilting my head to the side.

“Tinkering.” He replied expressionlessly.

I watched him open up the box to pull a toy robot he was going to disassemble. He leaned over to take a screw driver and started to remove pieces from the toy.

I leaned over to get a closer look. “Why are you breaking it?”

“I’m not breaking it.” He replied calmly. “I’m taking it apart… and rebuilding it.”

“Oh, why?”

“Well, it helps me understand how it’s made and the techniques they used.”

“Oh that sounds neat. You like making robots?” I asked him, overly interested in what he was doing.

I sat down next to him. He just looked at me and said nothing. I think he was confused but yet again, he had no emotion. Just his regular expressionless glare. His eyes felt like they were piercing deep into my soul… those glass-like, grayish-blue eyes. They creeped me out.

“Tell me about your robots, Dimitrius.” I muttered. “I’m curious…”

He raised an eye brow for a second but then went back to tinkering.

“So I like making stuff with my hands… Though, I have a whole system for it.” he paused and looked at me again. “You don’t mind me rambling?”

“Oh, Dimitri...you barely talk. I like your voice! Go ahead.” I encouraged him to go on.

“So uh…” he forced a smile. It was so cute. “I like making my own custom robots for tournaments and stuff, but I’m not that good at making my own parts, so I take them from other bots that I buy.”

I listened, completely fascinated in it. His voice was monotone and boring but he sounded calm. As he went on, there was a hint of happiness with him being able to talk about his passion.

“I take them apart then I rebuild them.” He continued. “...W-with out instruction manuals. The point is to know the purpose of all the parts, where they go, and how they work. I repeat breaking them down and building them back up again until I know the bots perfectly.”

“Is it time consuming?” I tilted my head and picked up one of his tools.

“It is but it depends on how complex the model is. Though, once I understand the bot perfectly, I can take its pieces and use them to make my own bot… or if I like the robot, I mod them to make them more efficient or stronger. Whatever I feel like doing to it, basically.” He took the piece from my hand. “This is a screw driver….”

“Oh my god! You think I didn’t know what a screw driver was!” I laughed at him but I stopped when I saw that he looked nervous.

“Sorry, Dimitri. I like what you do with the robots. It’s really cool.”

“Thank you…” He replied timidly.

Suddenly the door opened, and someone appeared from the newly escaping light. Dad. He sternly yelled, “SAFARA! IT’S BED TIME.”

I called back to him, "I'M COMING, ONE SECOND!". I gave Dimitri a hug.

“Good night, Dimi!”, I said as I was running up the stairs.

Dimitri just stares at dad, mouth agape. His cheeks were the reddest I've ever seen. “Y-you too, angel…” He stammered and muttered.

SIDE CHAPTER 1

-MONSTERS-

A woman paced around the room and stopped in front of a mirror hung up on the wall, putting on a pearl necklace. She grabbed a comb and brushed over the bangs of her long, silky, brown hair. She was very tall and slim. Like a stick, she adorned barely any curves. As she stared at herself in the mirror, she smiled. She was all dressed up in all of her best clothes.

A man walked into her room. He was smiling. Wearing a suit with a green tie, matching with the color of his eyes. He was giving a piggy back ride to his son, a cute little boy with short blond hair.

The woman walked up to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Are you two ready to go to church?”, she asked with her sing song voice.

“Of course.”, the man replied with a wink and smile. “How’s his outfit?”

The lady examined her son’s clothing then she nodded.

“Yes, it’s good.” She walked out. “Come along now! We don’t want to be late for our lord.”

Behind her back, the man rolled his eyes and put his son down. Once on the ground, the toddler stumbled toward the front door.

The car ride over to the church was pretty uneventful. The little boy wasn’t listening to his parents bickering in the front, he was fascinated by the trees rolling by, yet the clouds being seemingly suspended and frozen in the sky. He held out his hands and tried to grab the birds, freely flying across the beautiful blue sky.

Once inside the church, the little boy held his mother’s hand and followed her. The outside of the church was colossal and grand. It towered over the little boy. A statue stood over the entrance. It was of winged humans saving Earth's people from certain doom while the rest had already met their demise. They all wore faces filled with utter terror, as they were burning and being eaten by horrifying monsters. Each time the boy saw this statue, he’d start to cry and his parents would scold him for it. This time would be different! He put on his brave face and stared down the statue as he walked in, but he held back the tears. His mother and father didn’t notice.

Once inside, he thought he was going to have an easier time, but he had forgotten that inside there were monsters here too. Big paintings of the monsters were hung on the walls. Luckily, they were much less scary than the statue.

They sat down and listened to a man in a robe speak. The boy was so bored that he fell asleep, lying his head down on his father’s lap. Each time they needed to stand or sing songs, his mother would elbow him really hard in the shoulder to wake him up. It always happened like this. He’s come home with bruise on his shoulder and it didn’t matter where he sat, his parents forced him to sit in the middle of them so that they could watch his behavior better. He was used to it by now, but sometimes he’d cry on the way back home. He wasn’t allowed to cry at church, people would stare.

He was ecstatic it when they sang the songs, though. He loved to sing. He'd yell out the lyrics of the hymns as loud as he could so he could drown out all the other voices. It was the point of the game for him.

Eventually, his mother took his hand and walked up to the display area. He was confused, they only let people walk up there to get the bread and wine. He wasn’t allowed to go up there because he didn’t have his First Holy Communion yet…

She picked up him in her arms. He was heavy since he wasn’t exactly her little baby anymore, but she could still manage. While in her arms, he stared back at the crowd. Everybody was staring at him and her. He felt a pressure build up in his chest and he wanted to run but he couldn’t. She was holding on too tightly.

He stared up at the wall that was behind the crowd, it had a massive painting of a winged human with a shiny circle around their head. They were impaling a red monster with big horns and a tail. It was like the statue but, much more scary and gruesome!

He felt tears welling up in his eyes and he squirmed to get away. Suddenly, his mom lowered him and submerged his head under water. The few seconds he spent under there felt like an hour, but he was soon pulled out.

He coughed violently for a while after. The pastor gave him a speech he could barely hear or focus on.

The car ride home was terrible. He was so scared of the monsters and confused by the water. He sobbed quietly, trying not to bother his parents who were still bickering to each other.

CHAPTER 8

Dimitri became accustomed to living with us after 3 weeks of residing here. However, he was really weird about being seen with me outside of the house. I took the bus to school but he’d still walk there. When he did take the bus, he would avoid me like the plague and get off at completely random stops.

It was obvious that he was paranoid. Constantly looking over his shoulder, keeping a distance from people when he could, and when he had to be around people, he had his hood up and ignored everyone. Being invisible was his goal. I hated it.

He was hiding something from me.

Thursday night, after school. Dimitri went to the basement and I went to my room. I was finishing up my homework when I got stumped by a math problem. I went down to see him, hoping he could help me out.

I slowly crept down the stairs to his room. I caught him at his desk working on robots and wearing glasses. I rarely ever see him wear them, but I really liked them. It made him look so sophisticated and intelligent. He was already really smart, but it made him look the part too.

He looked up at me as I got closer.

“What’s up, angel girl?” He asked.

I giggled. “Oh, why do you keep calling me that?”

“Because you are an angel.” He smiled.

My heart melted. Usually, he was so robotic in his actions and speech but it was so cute to see him smile with out forcing it.

I pulled up a chair and sat next to him. I asked him for help with the homework and he effortlessly solved it, and then taught me the process step-by-step. He was much more help than the teacher was. After we solved that one, we just kept going through all of the other questions I didn't get.

After that was done, I didn’t want to leave him just yet. I liked his company.

“Hey Dimitri… Thank you.” I hugged him.

He didn’t say anything, he just gave me a small smile and nodded. He put his arms around me and I felt his heart beating fast in his chest. I let go of him after a few seconds.

“I was wondering though…” I began to explain to him that I thought weird to be so paranoid out in public and I was wondering why he acted that way.

He was visibly nervous, he started tapping his fingers on the desk and darting his eyes around.

“I can’t tell you… It’s better if people don’t see us hanging out in public… I tried to get you to avoid me at school but you didn’t get the message so I gave up.”

“But why?” I asked, confused as ever.

“You’ll throw me out of the house if you knew- He paused. ...You’d hate me…Oh, Safara.. I’m so sorry.” He was expressionless but hints of remorse were seeping in.

“Dimitri… You can tell me anything. I won’t ever hate you.” I put my hand on his shoulder.

He sighed. “Safara. I’m targeted. I’m dangerous. Being around me might make you targeted too. I don’t want you to be hurt, so I try to avoid you and others in public.”

“I-I'm not following. Can you explain more?"

He bowed his head in shame. “I’m the son of Tony Drey. Remember the story I told you at the park? It was about him.”

I gasped. “You’re father was a mob boss?!”

He nodded. “Yeah… He did terrible things… He’s infamous throughout this entire city. His claim to fame was being elected to office as representative of this district of the city. He was passing laws that corrupt the governmental system. He was a well known anarchist and his plan was to dismantle all government. Though, he did much, much, more before that.

He did pretty much everything. Prostitution, drug dealing, robbery, scamming, and yes… he murdered people. He didn't do it himself, though… At least I don’t think he did.

It’s complicated. Basically, he was the leader of his own gang, but it was well organized, so calling it a gang would be an insult. It was a full blown mafia and criminal organization. Everything was run by him and he had loyal followers.

Then he was caught… Put on trial and sent to jail. That's when a woman came out saying that they were seduced by him and had his kids. My mother was devastated but whatever, fuck her.” He said the last part with hatred staining his words.

“Anyways, he was imprisoned and put on death row. He’s still there. He has to serve his 20 year term before he does.” He continued on. “And you’d think my troubles and there but they don’t. That fucker and I look the same!”

I pulled out my phone and quickly googled Tony Drey and I found his mug shot. What stunned me the most is that Dimitri was completely right. They were very similar, but there were some obvious differences too. Tony had green eyes, opposed to Dimitri’s blue, with dark black hair that was beginning to turn white, Dimitri’s was brown. Their haircuts were different, Dimitri’s was longer and a lot messier. Not to mention his dad had stubble and, well, Dimitri was lacking there.

“Yeah… He sure does look like you. Family resemblance…” ////*********************/////

“Exactly. But yeah my looks cause a lot of problems… You see, his followers want me to take his place because that his “official” son would be the heir to the throne and It pisses me off. I don’t want to be that. I want to be a police officer to put sickos like him

in prison where they belong. But not only do I have weirdos forcing me to give them orders, but I also have other people trying to kidnap me for ransom, and some who just want to kill me. So ya know the bruises and cuts on my body when you see me at school?”

I nodded weakly.

“That’s them starting fights with him and I need to protect myself. I fight back. That’s why I can’t have anybody hand out with me ever. But…” He avoided eye contact with me. “It’s so lonely isolating yourself from every one… I longed for somebody to confide in and you came to me. I wanted you to go but I wanted you there with me. It was a guilty pleasure to have you around.” He blushed a little. “I really appreciated our little chats, but I was so shy I could barely talk to you… and now I’m living with you. It’s a dream come true to have a friend like you with me Safara.”

“Oh Dimitri… That’s so sweet.” I was so touched. I was smiling and blushing hard.

“But yeah… I couldn’t bare to see my angel get hurt. You can’t be with t school or in public. I think people are watching me… And once they find out we’re friends they’ll try to hut you so they can hurt me. People are cruel, Safara, they’d attack you even if you are innocent.”

“But Dimitri, you can’t just let them rule over your life like this. You should call the police and get on the witness protection program!”

“You think I haven’t tried that? The cops in this city don’t care. This district is so corrupt, nobody cares about anything you do. That’s how my dad got into power, that’s why the crime rate is so high here.” He rolled his eyes.

“What if I helped?” I shot up the idea suddenly.

“And how would you do that?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Dimitri, what if I could fight along side you? You can’t fight them alone. They’ll over power you someday.” I held his hand in mine and squeezed it. “You said you didn’t want me to get hurt, well, I don’t want you to get hurt or killed either. I want to protect you…”

He was speechless for a moment. He was touched by it obviously because his whole face turned red and he didn’t look at me in the eyes for the rest of the conversation.

“I can’t let you fight for me… If you get hurt, it’s my fault. But… I like the idea.”

“You could train me how to fight! I took karate classes as a kid and self defense!” I pleaded with him.

“I can’t teach you but I can bring you to the guy who taught me… But Safara, this is serious. You sure about it? It’s painful and it will take a lot of time for you to get good.” He explained with a dead pan tone.

“I want to be there for you Dimitri.”

I sealed myself to him in that moment and from then on, we were stuck together.

I was his and he was mine. I was naive. I saw a troubled young man who’d lived a hard life and I just wanted to save him. He called me his angel, and I felt the burden of living up to that title. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I wasn’t ready but I didn’t care. I was there to help. That’s what I thought I was doing.

Little did I know then, but the time Dimitrius and I would spend together would be the worst years of my life because from that day forward, I was brought into his suffering and I would not drown and suffocate in it until out mission was over.

That was the day I became an honorary mafia kid.

SIDE CHAPTER 2

-CRYING-

His mother stopped giving him attention. He’d come home to the sound of weeping or sobbing. At first he didn’t understand. He thought that once people reached adulthood, they stopped crying. He was hoping that would the case for him at least.

He knocked on on his mother’s bed room door. She ignored him, the crying just got louder, so he let himself in.

“Mommy, why are sad?” He whined as he walked over to her.

She was hunched over on the bed, pulling out her hair. She turned to look at him. Her face was so ugly when she cried. Tears staining her pillow and her face showing all the pain she feels inside. The little took a few steps back, frightened by his own mother’s appearance. Gestured to him to come closer. He hesitated but he did so. He sat next to her on the bed and he hugged and caressed his dirty blond hair.

“Dimitrius… Sometimes adults get sad too. Everybody has a different way of coping with sadness.” She explained.

“What’s coping?” He asked.

“Everybody is different and everybody needs to take of themselves.” She brushed off his question. “Mommy needs alone time, dearest.” She kisses him on the forehead.

He got off the bed. “So you want me to leave you alone?”

“Yes dear… I’ll come out and tell you when I feel better, ok?”

“Oh… Ok mommy!” He said as left the room, closing the door behind.

He waited for her to get better.

She never did.

CHAPTER 9

Dimitri Brought me to see one of his dad’s followers. The man was a huge muscular black guy named “Mufa” but I’m pretty sure that wasn’t his real name because he greeted Dimitrius by called him “Damien” instead. Also, he told me that I wasn’t allowed my real name on the streets. I had difficulty coming up with a new name for myself but Dimitrius comforted me and said it was ok for me to take time to think it over. I eventually settled with “Sophia”.

The first time was just basic training for fighting. It was pretty fun. On the way home after it, Dimitri was acting all nervous.

“Hey, um, are you sure about this? You really wanna go back to training?” He asked.

“Yes! Let’s go back twice a week, ok?” I set up our routine and Dimitri just nodded.

That’s what we did together from then on. School, hanging out and training with Mufa. It was so difficult for a while. My body ached but Dimitri was so supportive and he cheered me on. He was always there watching me from the side lines.

One day, we were walking to the candy store after the training when suddenly, a man hit Dimitri in the back with an empty bottle of wine. I jumped when I heard the hard “THUD” and Dimitri’s sharp gasp. It was happening! My first fight. Dimitri coughed and turned around. It was the bottle brothers.

Mufa had mentioned that the bottle brothers were two men from the opposing gang. They used bottles of wine as their weapons, they duel wielded them, using them as basic melee weapon.

The man swung at Dimitri again but this time, he took a step back and got out of the way. I was shaking, distancing myself from them. They ganged up on him. I was so helpless, watching them battering Dimitri.

He got a chance to grab the bottle out of one of their hands and he smashed it on the other brother’s head. I screamed as the bottle shattered in half. He fell to the floor, blood pooling all over with shards of glass all over the ground. This brutality shocked the brother and he froze watching his partner fall to the ground: that was his fatal mistake. Dimitri spun around with the broken bottle griped firmly in his hand and stabbed him in the stomach with the sharp broken part of the bottle.

I couldn’t stand it anymore. I ran off and headed towards the park. Once there, I stopped to take a second to breath. Suddenly, my face was in the dirty. It happened so fast I couldn’t even scream.

“OHMYGODSAFARAAREYOUOK?” Dimitri spoke so fast in panic as he grabbed me by the waist and picked me up.

I was violent yanked off the the ground and held tenderly in his arms. He was trembling as he wiped the dirt off of my face.

I was stunned. I opened my eyes and I could see him, but it was blurry. It took me a few seconds for his anxious face to come into focus.

He swallowed some of his anxiety and held me tighter. “Are you ok? I d-didn’t mean to run into you.”

“Uh-huh.” I nodded slowly. The motion of my head bopping like that made me dizzy.

“Y-you started running after I was done with those guys.” He said.

“No. I’m ok.” I tried talking but it came out raspy and quiet. “I was just scared.”

He nodded and lifted me up. He threw me up into the air and I fell on my back into his arms.

He forced a reassuring smile. “I dealt with them. Let’s go home.”

He walks out of the park carrying me around bridal style. I was really confused by this but my head to much for me to question it.

As we walked home, people stared at us. They gave us weird looks. I glared back at them. Dimitri was doing something nice and people were staring at him like he was kidnapping me. I looked up at his face. He had no emotion on his face. I wasn’t sure if he was noticing it too and didn’t care or if he was oblivious.

I put my arm around his shoulders and hugged him for the rest of the walk.

“Dimitrius…”

“Don’t call me that.” He glared down at me.

“Sorry. My mom once told me you have schizophrenia.” I said.

“Oh? What else did she say?”

“You were diagnosed with it when you were 15.” I curled up to him. “That’s all I know.”

“Oh. Well what about it?” He sounded almost offended, but with him, any tone he has in his voice is best to be left ignored. He always sounds like a robot or a chronically annoyed mumbling teen age boy.

“You hallucinate. Mom said that… Do you hear voices?”

“Um.. Not exactly. Sometimes what people say to me gets mixed up, I mean, they’ll say something and I’ll hear the words out of orders.” He explained.

“What’s it like being schizophrenic?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I’ve had it for such a long time that I’ve gotten used to it.” He replied.

“Oh but what do you hallucinate?”

“Well I can’t tell you that.” He forced a small laugh. It was cute. “You’d think I’m crazy.”

“I’m curious though and I won’t judge you.” I reassured him.

He gave me a cautious look, like he was unsure. I gave him puppy dog eyes and that convinced him. He stoped walked and pointed at a group of men.

“Well, right there, there are 3 demons talking to each other.” He said.

“Demons? There 3 guys.”

“They are all black and shadowy. They have arrow shaped tails and big horns. Their eyes and mouths are like light poking through the darkness.” He described as he continued walking.

“So… You seem demons.”

“Yep. Every stranger is a demon to me.”

“Was I a demon when we met?” I asked, kneading my fingers in his hoodie.

“Yes.” He looked down at me. “But you turned into an angel as we got to know each other.”

“Wait what? I’m an angel?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Well aren’t you?” He said with concern.

“I’m a human, Dimitri.”

“B-but you have wings and a halo, you’re so beautiful and shiny… you’re an angel.”

My heart fell into my stomach but I also felt the butterflies fly around in there too. I didn’t know if Dimitri think this about me would be dangerous or if I should be flattered.

“Do you really see me like this?” I asked trying not to sound nervous.

“Yeah. All the time.”

“Hey Dimitri, do you know that your hallucinations aren’t real, right?”

He glared at me. No filter, no held back emotions, he looked actually angry. For real.

“You can walk.” He said and dropped me at on the ground.

I fell down right on my butt. He stepped aside and walked away. It really hurt but seeing him leave me hurt more. I jumped up and I was about to yell at him but I stoped. I lowered my fist.

I remember what my mother said to me. To be careful with him.

Schizophrenics can be really dangerous if you don’t treat them right…

I cocked my head to the side and grinned. Just trying to push it aside. I walked up to him.

“I wonder what it’s like to see how you see the world… It must be interesting.” I said cheerfully, but I was trying not to punch him with all my might.

He looked up. “I could show you, but it’s a little risky.”

I snapped out of my anger and stared at him in confusion. “Wait… How?”

“I did it once before, but if we do it, you need to follow my instructions very carefully.”

“what do we have to do to achieve it?”

“Well, it’s like a ritual… It helped you see inside of the other person’s head. You drink some water in a dark room and the person who want to share their mind has to describe everything to the other person.” He paused for a second and stared at me. “It relies on imagination.”

“Oh… so it’s not actually going into somebody’s mind?” He smirked “No that’s scientifically impossible, but this ritual is as close to it as it gets. Do you want to try it?”

“Sure, why not?” I shrugged.

“Ok! I’m gonna run off to the store and buy some candles. Go home with out me, ok?” He said as he ran off.

“Dimitri! Wait!” I called out to him but he was already gone.

[darkunlimited]

Tales of Arise Review

So, it’s not a bad game… but it’s not a great game either.

I had to think long and hard on how to write out my grievances with this particular title in the ‘Tales Of’ series (I’m starting to think I haven’t throughly enjoyed a title since Xillia 2, although I did like Berseria quite a bit). I’ve decided a list format was the most efficient.

Things I liked:

The world, characters, combos, and mystic artes are all very good looking (personal aesthetics aside)

Camping skits (These were nice because early on it was one of the only ways to have characters sit down and connect with each other.)

Hootle

Things I didn’t like but didn’t ‘hate’:

The absolute insistence on coupling all the characters. I didn’t like the lack of subtlety and it felt a bit shoehorned in as well. Yes, there are three heteronormative couples in a world where almost everyone is a slave and could die at any moment based on the whims of their evil overlords. Oh, look, an attractive Renan. (This kind of fits in with my rant about narrative later, mainly in how it feels shoved down the player's throat despite the fact that earlier titles have not needed to do this. )

Shionne goes from Tsun to Waifu before the second act, heavily lampshaded from the beginning, but gets blatant, by the end when you obtain wedding dress armor in the final dungeon and a bouquet gun you obtain in a subquest. Like, we get it, the two mains are going to hook up, it was kind of obvious with that whole no pain/causes pain dynamic they started off with. I honestly missed her Tsun tendencies, it helped balance out Alphen's 'good guy' personality.

Alphen’s mask coming off. Actually, I did kind of hate this, because he went from having a unique look to becoming a white-haired bishonen protag with no eyebrows (they are stupid light eyebrows that are too thin and hard to see). He looked awkward and I just wish they let me have the option of putting the mask on for aesthetic purposes, but no, once it's gone, it’s gone. Upon playing New Game + I've learned that other than in cut scenes, the helmet will stay off and it wrecks game immersion.

Things that made me go “Why?”:

The narrative. The constant repetition of what needs to be done and 'why we must continue our fight' became very old, very fast. It was somewhat tolerable in the first half of the game because there were still “mysteries” to resolve, but it became completely unbearable in the second. (Why yes, I do understand the motivations of the main cast, can I move on from your twenty-minute cut-scene explanation followed by multiple character skits and other added cut scenes five minutes later that reiterate the exact. same. information? No? Well, fuck you game.)

The compilation of the game. There were many issues here. In addition to the narrative shoving the ‘plot’ into the latter half of the game and beating me with repetition, there were the following problems:

Many character stories and fun skits/side quests suffered from the game’s arrangement. Many were relegated to the latter half of the game which did not make sense. A good portion of these could have easily been added to the first half (maybe to be completed in the second with some characters) and would have offered some levity during the story (Law’s backstory regarding his part in his father’s death really needed this, possibly more than anyone else.).

Additionally, the levels of the enemy seemed far higher than they had any reason to be for character quests to be completed. (I ended up doing all of this after I had opened up the final dungeon and the fact that these were the starts of character quests is what really ticked me off.)

The characters. I realize this may not be a popular opinion, but my issue with the characters had more to do with the game’s uneven portrayal of their character stories than the characters themselves. This was an issue in Zesteria as well (I did not like Rose because she became a BAMF! way too fast and took over Mikleo’s role as the deuteragonist midway through.) In Arise, this happens with Dohalim, particularly in the second half. There were points where I outright wondered if they were switching protagonists because his character arc tied so closely into the plot. Mind you, he is a likable character, but I should never forget who my main characters are. Alphen and Shionne became so poorly characterized within their tropes that I legitimately had moments I forgot they existed.

Lip Sync during skits. I think this could have been resolved easily if mouths either didn’t move at all during skits or if they had bothered to lip-sync to both English and Japanese VA’s. This also became problematic during camping but slightly easier to ignore.

Directional attack controls. I liked having the option of which way to swing my main weapon from the past games. This may seem a minor thing but it really threw me off when dealing with flying enemies.

Things I wish I could have seen (Fanfic ideas, maybe?):

Total ‘what if’ scenario, but it would have been interesting to see Rinwell used as a tool to fight off Renan’s before she joins the party. They do dive lightly into the possibilities of Dahnan oppressors and this would have been a good way to introduce that idea early on. Especially if there was a domain Renan’s could not take over.

Another thought is having Renan’s = old-timey Dahnan mages. If they were being hunted centuries ago, it would make a lot of sense to have them willingly go with the Helganquil to later get revenge on the Dahnan populace. Even if these mages/turned Renan’s forgot the why’s, learning that info from the Helganquil would have made for an interesting way to have Rinwell face her racism. It’s all but alluded to in the game, however, it seems some engineering on behalf of the Helganquil was involved in canon.

Law having more remorse over the part he played in his father’s death. Really felt like he shrugged it off too quickly. I think I would have liked a larger backlash to occur because of his actions.

Alphen’s backstory and memory being triggered over time instead of in one very long and kind of disappointing go. It would have been more compelling to see him flashback and question his own motives earlier on.

Making him Renan with the mask suppressing his glowy-eyes also would have been interesting since he would side w/the Dahnan’s after his experiences as a slave.

Shionne either sticking to being a Tsun (zapping people on purpose more), or confessing her motivations and her fears much earlier. It was really dragged out. Hated it. Also, she became very boring in the second half.

An optional unhappy ending. Honestly, everything was too nicely wrapped up. It felt unreal.

Anyways, that’s it, that’s the list. I think if I wasn’t a Tales Of veteran I may have enjoyed this game more (although the way they beat me over with the narrative still would have killed a good 70% of the enjoyment for me). I didn’t outright hate the game as it’s fun to play, but if I’d known more about how pedantic the narrative would become, I probably would have waited instead of buying on day one.

[laynemorgan]

These past few weeks -- this past presidency really -- have been wildly eye opening for me. As a liberal white person, I’ve spent the better part of the last few years learning and unlearning, checking myself, checking my peers, etc. But these last few weeks it has been even more so. Unsure of what to do with my voice in the din of twitter, and preferring to elevate voices of people of color around me, I wound up taking to facebook, spending the better part of the last months sharing political posts that I had died off on posting after Trmp’s election, confronting relatives and family friends that i had, a few years ago, decided i’d need to just come to terms with. Through all of it, I have seen a lot of grace. I’ve seen a lot of learning. And I’ve scene a lot of stubborn refusal to learn. And I’ve been those people. I’ve been learning but I’ve also refused to. I’m hoping to change that now. 

A few months ago, a girl on twitter approached me. She was angry. She confronted me flat out about how I felt that it was okay for me to preach equality and social issues as someone who had been so bad at confronting and apologizing for my own missteps in the past. As someone who had hurt people without consequence. She was right. I told her that. She told me that my previous apologies had been shitty and selfish. And she was right. I promised her I’d write a new one. 

And then I never did. 

When our world erupted into protests and marches and major social movement this last month, I became immediately embarrassed. The words I had promised had never made it out. I prioritized a million other things in my life instead of the people I had hurt. I regret that. So so so much. I regret not immediately writing an apology that I truly meant when it was pointed out to me how much I had let it all fall off my radar. I regret only thanking that one girl on twitter for her time and education and not the many, many other voices who had been trying to reach me over the years. I should have done that right away. I should have done that even before, without it having to be brought to my attention. I thought that because I had learned and knew better, because I personally knew where I had gone wrong and wouldn’t do it again, that it was over. But the truth is, that was a lesson I hadn’t been ready to learn either. That the people we’ve hurt don’t go away, that shitty apologies don’t make up for pain, that having selfish things to do with our time doesn’t excuse not prioritizing growth and reflection and acknowledgement. So for starters, I am sorry for that. I am sorry that it took me four years to say anywhere on the internet that i KNEW that apology I wrote was shitty. I’m sorry it took me four years to acknowledge to anyone how wrong it was that I was constantly requiring them to push me toward change. I am so sorry it has still taken me a months since that twitter exchange this year, and a full month since I realize I’d STILL forgotten about it to be here. And writing this. I’ve been selfish. I’ve shoved all of your important words and experiences and thoughts and lessons to a place where I could look at them when it was convenient for me. And that was fucking selfish. And ignorant. 

To now skip all of that intro and go into more detail, this whole story begins in my fandom days. When I loved and adored The 100 and was a very active member of that fandom. The reveal of Clarke’s bisexuality, the introduction of their Lesbian character, Lexa were important to me. In making that clear, I said in a tweet that another character, Bellamy (portrayed by Filipino actor Bob Morley) was less important and received preferential treatment by the fans due to his ability to be seen as a “hot white guy.” In short, I entirely erased Bob’s lived experience as a non-white man, I erased the visibility that Bellamy created for men like him, and when it was pointed out to me, I doubled down. I defended my stance, I fumbled to explain myself over and over. I thought that because my intent was not to harm that it excused me from the impact of what I had said. And it didn’t. What I said was wrong. It was erasure, it was ignorant and came from my own unchecked racism. I know that now. I didn’t then. I was embarrassed and upset that people thought the worst of me. When what I should have been was humble and willing to listen. And THAT is what is truly embarrassing. 

Then came the apology, several years later. I had spent time arguing about a cause that effected me personally and suddenly, was moved to more properly address what I had done. But again, my apology was about me. It came on my time, a day late and a dollar short. It wasn’t an apology at all. It was an explanation, a plea for understanding, laden with white fragility that I hadn’t yet examined. It was an apology that had learned how to fix what went wrong but hadn’t actually learned what was wrong about what I’d said and done. It stepped over the voices of the people who had been fighting to teach me. It re-centered myself, my experience, my emotions. And again, it was selfish. 

To be explicitly clear: the way I behaved toward the people who corrected me and tried to educate me in both of those instances was shameful. My inability to listen something I am actively working on as much as I can. I am so so sorry to those people especially, to Bob whether he knew about this incident or not, and to the entire fandom community at large for setting such a shitty example. 

This apology isn’t only about that moment, though. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately, and I wanted to make sure to talk about other stuff too. Other stuff that no one has been publicly calling me out for, but that is still bad. Whether it’s pointed out to me or not. Because I think growth is important and I think it’s important to humble ourselves to know when we were wrong, to look back on our actions once we have learned better and pull out the bad parts, show people, teach others. In my years in fandom, I made a thousand missteps. I was quick to get upset, when someone said a show or character I loved was racist or had done something racist. I was the person always shouting that not everything is racist. I was a fucking ignorant. I dug my heels in simply to defend things, without taking time to listen, without understanding the history of pain that people of color face when it comes to stories and representation. I thought I was smarter than I was. 

I didn’t listen when I was told that you can’t dreamcast a next gen character of a mixed race couple with just one of those races. I didn’t listen when white washing was explained to me. I was too stubbornly wrapped up in the things I wanted and my own perceived kindness and correctness to think that I could get something wrong, that I could need to put in a modicum of effort to change my ways. “There just aren’t that many mixed actors,” I’d say. But because I couldn’t name any off the top of my head didn’t mean they didn’t exist. And frankly, the fact that I couldn’t name any was shameful too. I know now, how important racial representation is. Again, I am sorry for not listening. I am sorry for whitewashing and for thinking that simply dubbing myself a good person and good ally didn’t make it so. I was too proud to learn. I’m working on dismantling that fragility too. 

I work in television now. I work in television because I want nothing more than to tell stories about everyone. This year I got my first script. And that same girl who called me on twitter a few months ago told me she didn’t want to support the show I worked on because she didn’t trust a project that I worked on. That fucking devastated me. I wanted to proudly wave the expectational diverse show I loved over my head and say “but look what we did!!” And when that instinct hit me, this time, for the first time, I checked myself. Because what I did didn’t matter without fixing what I had done. Without earning that trust back, without making it abundantly clear where my head and my heart are now. Something that felt “so long ago” to me was fresh and painful for other people. Being able to shove it away was a privilege I had and didn’t see. I had sat in the writers’ room on that show and advocated for our representation and felt proud of the stories we told. But none of that matters if I haven’t checked myself, and fixed the hurt that I’ve caused, personally first. 

I am truly sorry. I’m sorry for the mistakes I inevitably forgot about making that did not make this post. I’m sorry for the ignorance that made them less important to me than they are still to the people of color who witnessed them and the things I perpetuated. I’m sorry for not understanding that I can contribute to the problem, that I can BE the problem. I’m sorry for talking over you, for not listening to you, for letting you be the villain in my head and my heart and out here on my public profile for so long. I’m ashamed of my past, but I don’t want to keep letting time go without talking about. I want to bring my selfishness and my ignorance into the light and talk about it. I don’t want to cause anyone hurt for any longer than I need to, and I’m so sorry for never giving anyone closure on any of this before, even when I thought I had gotten it for myself. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for trying so hard to explain shit to me that I just didn’t hear. I know I’m inclined to wordy bullshit. I want you all to know that I’m listening. I’m late. But I’m listening. And again, I am sorry for having hurt you in the first place. I was wrong. I will likely be wrong again. But I promise you that I will do everything in my power to never, ever be as unwilling as I have been to learn. I am educating myself all the time now, in hopes that you won’t ever have to educate me again. But should that day come, I promise to meet you with the grace, humility, and open mind that I should have a long time ago. 

[live-long-and-time-warp]

It’s hard to leave your toxic friends... but it’s so worth it

I don’t normally do this, but as I sat in a Saturday morning meeting thinking about all of the things I felt this past Friday, I felt compelled to share my story.

A brief background: throughout college and for several years afterward, I considered my tight-knit group of college friends as some of my closest. In addition to my best friend of 20 years, some friends from high school, my work team, and some other dear friends scattered across the globe and throughout the U.S., this group of college friends was who I considered to be my foundation. This group of friends was extremely important to me, but it was not without its bumps in the road.

In my senior year of college, I had a falling out with one of these friends, the ringleader I’ll call her. I say this because she is quite honestly the source of 95% of my problems with this group. She is a master manipulator, and an expert gaslighter. There were a few others that contributed to this too, but she was by far the worst.

I can’t elaborate on every single thing that this person said and did over our 7 year “friendship” but a brief summary would be: asking me point blank if I thought I might be a lesbian after coming out as bi (to this friend group and in her presence, I might add) only several months prior; asking me how much money I spend on books about “Chernobyl” every month with the implication that she’s concerned about my finances; telling me that my resume may not be as impressive as I think it is (I’m the deputy director of a nonprofit with both state-based and national projects and had been for close to a year prior to this conversation); would clean up the crumbs from in front of me while I was still eating and comment on my messiness; told me that one of our mutual friends doesn’t like discussing politics with me because I get too fired up (again, I work for a nonprofit that deals with social justice); telling me that crying while comforting my friend who had just lost a loved one to suicide after they began crying was weird and that I “stole her thunder” (we were slightly drunk, I’m an empath, and she was talking about some deeply personal things that moved me and crying was my natural response... and oddly, she was appreciative of my tears because I was “the only person that actually stayed with her”); and so much more that I know I’m forgetting.

There were many other things more insidious, including gaslighting me about my inclusion in several group activities and why it should have been obvious why one friend disliked me enough to not invite me to her wedding after years of claiming cluelessness.

In our senior year, I left that friend for the first time after she humiliated me at a party by commenting loudly and with condescension on my weight. When I cut ties with her, I felt as if I had just left an abusive relationship, and for a while I didn’t want to seek a friendship with her again.

But the other friends in our group still hung out with both of us, so eventually I allowed myself to be sucked back in. 

In the years after we graduated, I thought that this person had actually changed- I worked abroad for a year after college, and after returning I saw a marked difference in her demeanor and how she interacted with us. She seemed more self-aware of how her words and actions adversely affected other people, and I thought that maybe the ugliness of that horrible portion of my senior year was now just a faded scar.

But then things escalated very quickly. Over the course of several weeks at the beginning of this year, I started to feel myself questioning whether I had made the right choice in rejoining the group: I was so sure of how I felt after I left it the first time, I felt so empowered and free. So why did I allow myself to rejoin them? Was it really the right choice?

I got my answer a week after the insurrection at the Capitol. One friend who already had a history of saying hateful things about women (which I tried to put a stop to to no avail) finally went full white supremacist asshole, and instead of joining me in calling his comments unacceptable and defending me as he mansplained my job to me, the ringleader criticized me and told me that “I can work in activism and politics and be wrong”.

That’s the moment I finally woke up.

I left the chat that very moment. Every time they added me back without my consent, I left again.

Every time I got message from the ringleader that was full of gaslighting comments and false apologies, I didn’t say a word. Just deleted the message. Finally, I was able to gather the strength needed to block those toxic friends from all social media and my phone. One of these friends was someone I tried to make like me for years after I was told that she hated me for no reason, by her own admission.

Some may not agree with this approach, but I made the choice to cut contact and go radio silent on my own after consulting my friends, specifically my best friend who had been there for me during the incident my senior year.

As weeks went by, some of the true friends from that group reached out, and then immediately backed off after my polite request for space, indicating that I was welcome back at any time and they were always here for me.

The ringleader chose the opposite approach. She continued to gaslight me, made a group chat with myself, the white supremacist, and herself. She sent me messages from her second account, one that I remembered to unfriend but forgot to block. She told me that if I don’t “course correct” by a certain date she would block me on my account (too late, bro) and that “we wish you all the best”. This implies that it was on behalf of the entire group, something I know three of them would never do. However, at this point, I have had to distance myself from all of those friends so as not to give the ringleader the attention she wants from me.

I lost over half of my closest friends over night. It felt like my skeleton had been torn from my body. I considered giving in several times and reaching out to them. But now, over a month later, I understand how necessary it was to excise what was essentially a malignant tumor. The Chernobyl researcher in me wants to compare it to Acute Radiation Syndrome (ARS): an unseen poison that slowly infiltrates every part of your mind and body and rots them from the inside out.

2020 was an extremely hard year for me, as it was for so many. I am so lucky and privileged to have been in the financial situation that I was and had the support of my genuine friends and family.

But it was still the worst year of my life. I have suffered from pretty bad OCD for most of my life, and while I usually keep it under control, last year it became nearly impossible to do so. I also fell very deeply into clinical depression, and worked to the point of burn out and exhaustion. The primary thoughts I had during this depression were: 

“Why aren’t you working? You’re lazy.”

“You’re a failure, you’re 26 and haven’t applied to grad school yet.”

“You piece of shit, still living with your parents? What a disappointment.”

“What is wrong with you?”

It was unbearable. I’m honestly not entirely sure how I survived it, but I think a certain 3-year-old goddaughter of mine and a few close, real friends had something to do with it.

I worked very hard with my friends, a therapist, and a psychiatrist to overcome this depression and get my OCD back under control. Now, I feel like such a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I still have depression, and the OCD will always be with me (like a bad habit... literally?); but I am so much more happy with myself and my life, as I should be.

And I am very, very, very well aware that therapy was not the only reason I have recently begun feeling this way. It’s very hard to see that you’re being manipulated while it’s happening. Because of my trusting nature, sometimes manipulative comments would be interpreted as heartfelt guidance.

It wasn’t until I started the journey away from them that I saw just how much this group and their negativity (because even the best of them weren’t always the kindest) impacted my mental health.

The event that made me want to share this story is this: yesterday was a rough work day. As a full-time community organizer, I am pretty much burnt out all of the time. Breaks are taken, but with projects addressing issues from COVID relief to systemic racism and police brutality, it never feels like enough. 

I had to officially take a step back as a sole lead on an annual event that I organized for two years, and it was gut-wrenching.

Now, I cry often, but I don’t usually get to have therapeutic cries. You know what I mean? Like, as you cry, all of the tension that built up in your body by negative feelings is finally being released with every breath and sob?

Well, the dam finally broke in a team meeting on Friday. I started sobbing and couldn’t stop. And my colleagues were so, so kind. They let me vent, they let me cry, they would not accept my apologies for crying. They told me that I was strong for setting up boundaries, and that they were here for me.

We spent a lot of time at the end of the meeting each talking about our self-care routines. And as I sit here typing this, I am actively trying not to cry at the purity of their support.

This experience has taught me what real friends are. Real friends do not put limitations on your emotions and fears.

Real friends do not give you deadlines for processing your feelings.

Real friends do not criticize you for things that, while they may not agree with, do not affect anyone’s health or marginalize anyone.

Real friends don’t marginalize vulnerable communities.

Real friends help and support you with constructive criticism (when it’s asked for) and love, not patronization and manipulation.

I thought I knew all of these things before, but I know now that I am still learning... and that that is perfectly okay. I don’t regret most of the times we shared together. I am appreciative of the positive memories that their friendships gave me.

Three of the friends in this group are actually good people, and maybe one day when the dust is settled I’ll reach out to them and establish one-on-one friendships with them (if they want to). 

And I have to thank my real friends, including @tryingtobealwaystrying, for all saying the exact same thing: you deserve so much happiness and fuck all of those guys.

So, the point of this post is to tell everyone this: you can leave your toxic friends. It’s incredibly difficult, stressful, and honestly traumatizing. And there’s no shame in needing time or feeling unable to leave those friends now. There’s also no shame in returning to those friends.

But please know, from this nerd to the reader: anyone that makes you feel any less than the beautiful, amazing human being you are and doesn’t want to help you become an even better human on your own terms is not a true friend. They don’t deserve you or the light you can bring into their lives.

And every agonizing step away from those friends is a step closer to a happier, healthier life.

[hotchley]

🦄 awhh kid, ive been busy with school (it's my last sem, i graduate in may) so ive been busy. i will say cm makes good bg noise to do hw to.

this is me being a lil shit and cuz im not in the fandom but like penelope? best character overall, except for the garcia thing. it was a haha joke that aged poorly. they could've just hired a white latina or changed her name but then again they also made elle half-cuban when the actor is white. then tara. then morgan. luke. matt. jj. emily. blake. at least hotch is better than rossi ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ bc rossi is racist and i know we skirt around that issue but like dude... you can't pee on a black classmate and then deny you're racist (and i know he isn't malicious and they try to fix with him marrying a black husband but like. cm loves to just ignore all their problems with their character. actually.. hotch is only better bc he barely has a personality so i can just pretend he doesn't have racist tendencies.. but also he did grow up in the south... and we live in a society..)

fuck i forgot about spencer... he's annoying ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe white nerdboy with no personality was revolutionary back when it was airing but man.. it's so overdone nowadays and as a woc.. i don't find the appeal. also like, penelope does the whole genius thing better and she isn't even half as annoying. but still better than rossi!

also id like to clarify that my ranking above is strictly just in-show content like obvs rossi is written better in fanfics just like about every character is written better

also can i just say. what is up with cm's intense hatred of women??? like haley died and and emily sort of died and maeve died and strauss died. like.. wtf?? beth disappears and we only find out in a throwaway line after an entire ep was dedicated to her growing relationship with hotch! also apparently jessica doesn't have a life outside of jack's nanny.

also like.. food for thought but it does make me hmm 🤔 that the writing got so much worst and ppl stopped watching cm after it got so much more diverse. and that it suddenly became the reid show after cm got so much diverse. just putting it out there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh I love being called kid it makes me feel like there’s more time!

Ooh exciting!! Graduation!!

Honestly, the way I agree with all of this. I understand that Criminal Minds came out in a “different time” but some of the stunts they pulled...

See, as an Asian person, the racism is different. So I don’t know what would have been better: if they had Rossi admit what he did and dealt with the fall-out or if they just hadn’t written it in at all.

Oh I know. It’s in moments like that where I’m glad they didn’t give Hotch a personality- although it would’ve been nice to see him and Emily talk when she realised why he didn’t trust her- because then I can carry on believing he’s a half decent person.

I’m pretty neutral towards canon Spencer. I’m like: cool you’re a genius and you know all this stuff. I like Penny a lot more though and there are times where I’m like: Writers please this is a crime show have character development but I do not need their entire childhood to be shown...

Yeah, I think somewhere along the line the writers gave up on the characters, which in some ways makes sense because crime show, but like... the crimes did not get more interesting or unique either soo... if I want good writing I turn to fics.

But even then, there’s so much demonising of Hotch and unnecessary Hotch and Morgan bashing that I’m like: UGGHHHH.

GENUINELY! There was no reason for Haley to be treated like crap for leaving a marriage she was unhappy in and her death reeked of misogyny. I think Emily dying was to do with an issue with the network or something like that... Maeve dying had something to do with Spencer’s actor apparently... Strauss’ death was unnecessary as well! And it felt very tasteless too.

Okay so Beth. I liked Beth. Beth was good. I haven’t gotten to the episode where they break up but I know it happens. My issue is this: Hotch didn’t need to get into a relationship after Haley to prove he had moved on, because it’s almost like they’re saying Jessica cannot act as a mother to Jack and also that he won’t be complete 

THIS IS THE THING! I have given up on good Muslim representation so now I’m like: Okay let me find things that represent other minorities well. And I really want to watch the later seasons. Like I really want to know all about Tara and Matt and Luke because they seem really cool.

However. I’m watching season 10 really slowly, just because I am, and I know that Reid goes to prison in season 12 because of Cat Adams- who seems like a really annoying unsub I’m so sorry- so I’m like: Hmm.... am I going to fast forward all of that because I really don’t care?? Probably! 

[texanredrose]

Friction

It started out as a hypothetical.

Wouldn’t it be funny if?

The discussion she’d had with her sister didn’t seem to go anywhere, at first. Just the two venting to one another about yet another formal event their father forced them into and another evening spent pretending they didn’t hate him with every fiber of their being. They played the game well enough, kept him from suspecting too much, but always kept in mind their precarious positions. If either fell into bad favor, they’d lose any chance of wrestling control of the company away from the man. 

He announced his retirement just after christening the newest branch to be added to the juggernaut SDC assets- and shortly before that day they’d spent at a local cafe in downtown Vale, bemoaning the news- while inviting every shareholder to the lavish soiree that would serve to ring in the new year and signal his departure from the company as one of his children took over. Leave it to Jacques Schnee to turn a worldwide celebration into an ego trip.

But then, he banked too hard on others’ perception of him, that his status translated to concrete fact. Father decided to allow his replacement to be chosen by the board of directors, giving them the options of his three children. He always had his favorite, of course, and spent the next several months introducing Whitley officially to every member of the board.

Weiss saw her chance and nudged her sister. Winter saw the same and they set to work. While their brother spent the time between the announcement and the vote attending parties and schmoozing, the sisters put in overtime. They plied their talents, sometimes working in concert and sometimes not, generating what the men of their family pointedly ignored: results. When it came time for the voting, nepotism waged a war against greed. Greed won out and Weiss, surprisingly, won the vote, as she’d managed to attain a higher profit margin- though she’d specifically chosen projects that would result in just that, while Winter focused on hard-to-solve problems.

Thankfully, there was no ill will between them; they’d accomplished their mutual goal. Replacing Father as head of the company would give either one of them the power they desperately needed to affect real change. Now, came the celebration.

Their conversation from before came rushing back and Weiss voiced it. The idea. The plan. The sweet promise of a revenge over two decades in the making. Winter, of course, agreed instantly.

Weiss put an anonymous ad in the local paper. It was simple and straight to the point, if slightly vague.

Date needed. Must be able to backtalk racists, xenophobes, and sexists. Must be willing to wage VERBAL war with morons for an indefinite period of time. Must be rude and have horrible table manners. Will be handsomely compensated for scandalizing rich people. Faunus only.

The first volley of responses were ridiculous. Mostly from people who fell into the categories of racist, xenophobic, or sexist, as they’d felt personally attacked by her ad. She ignored them and continued sifting through the responses until she happened upon one that caught her eye.

One could consider intentionally ignoring someone to be rude. Under that logic, if I could bring a book to continue my reading periodically throughout the night, I’d be interested in taking the job. -Blake

Upon reading it, Weiss couldn’t help but smirk as she sent a reply.

Which book?

She received a response rather quickly.

The Fallen Faunus. -Blake

It took her a moment to recall the book specifically but when she did, she instantly accepted and arranged to meet Blake in person to discuss the particular details. No doubt meeting with a member of the Schnee family would put the entirety of her ad to the test and, based on that, she could enact the rest of her plan. 

And it would be glorious. --- When the night of the party came, Weiss almost couldn’t contain herself. Her sister had gone the opposite route- perusing the advertisements of others until she found a suitable date for the event. Again, their approaches differed; Winter’s date embodied loud and abrasive, with an outfit far below the standards of the event itself and colorful language that resulted in many clutched pearls.

In contrast, the person who answered Weiss’ ad was... almost regal, in a way. Quiet, reserved, but- as she’d already found out- more than capable of delivering a verbal lashing that would sting just as much as any physical blow. Their first meeting, Blake had assumed the ad referred to that occasion, seeing as Weiss fit the supposed criteria- rich, from a family that had a well documented (and rather recent) history of racism, xenophobia, and sexism, and rather easily riled up to boot- and immediately began laying into her with an impressive diatribe. 

Weiss couldn’t help but be ecstatic as she pulled a book from her purse- her own well worn copy of The Fallen Faunus, with a bookmark halfway through the chapter detailing how humans drove Faunus from their native lands- and immediately began explaining what she hoped to achieve.

Much to her relief, Blake Belladonna accepted her offer- her interest piqued- and something secretive gleaming in amber eyes as she sat down across from Weiss to discuss the details.

“Are you ready?” She turned her head, trying her best to gauge what thoughts might be drifting across the Faunus’ mind, but her date for the night had an impressive poker face.

“As I’ll ever be,” she replied, feline ears twitching ever so slightly. They both wore gowns fit for a gala, catching the lights overhead and sparkling. Weiss’ had white and blue sequins while Blake’s had black and a dark purple that matched her eye shadow. “Though- just one more time- who are the off limit ones?”

“My sister, Winter, and her date.”

“And we’ve been dating...”

“For two years.”

“And you’re sure you want to go with that?”

“Is there a reason I shouldn’t?” She arched a bow, listening as the dull roar in the ballroom they approached grew more distinct. They walked along one of the seldom used halls to avoid any other potential partygoer prior to the ‘big reveal’ and stopped just short of making their entrance.

“Couples who have been together for that long typically... have a different set of boundaries.”

“Meaning?”

“Casual contact, invading each other’s space, knowing how the other likes their drinks- things like that.” As if to make her point, Blake took a small step closer, and though they still weren’t touching, exactly, Weiss could feel the shift between ‘casual distance between acquaintances’ and this.

“Ah. I see.” After taking a moment to evaluate herself, she took a step closer of her own, their arms brushing together as she slipped her hand into the Faunus’. “I believe this would be a bit more believable then, yes?”

Again, she caught a glimpse of that secretive gleam as Blake smirked. “Yeah.” --- The night proceeded much better than she could’ve imagined. Blake’s razor sharp wit resulted in some truly memorable quotes throughout the night. Between her very existence causing a mild panic to roll through half the attendees and her business acumen winning over the other half- apparently, she had some formal education in business management, though she opted not to follow it through- Weiss couldn’t be more pleased, and the way Winter’s date completely offset the Faunus by being brash and jingling with every step thanks to a multitude of chains attached to her pants for seemingly no reason- she had to admit, Father was perhaps stronger than she expected. Although he looked on the verge of an apoplectic fit, he somehow managed to retain his composure throughout the night, though he certainly lost the spotlight as soon as his daughters entered.

It felt almost natural to be on Blake’s arm for hours on end, mingling with people, sitting and eating, talking quietly, and even dancing to the music. At some point, Weiss forgot about everyone else and the display itself and started... actually enjoying herself. Especially when they decided they’d had enough of dealing with people and pulled out the Faunus’ copy of the book and began reading together, seats pressed close, Weiss’ head resting on Blake’s shoulder as she read aloud.

Distantly, she became aware of the growing concern regarding the storm and the lack of possibility that anyone would be leaving the mansion that night. It registered as a concern but one she could worry about later, posing a question to Blake regarding a detail that had always escaped her understanding. Thankfully, the Faunus could supply the answer, and they were deep into a discussion of their own making when she felt someone come stand by her elbow and await her attention- which she wasn’t keen on removing from her date for the evening.

“Ahem.” 

Begrudgingly, she turned her head to find her father standing there, a vein bulging from his forehead. “Yes, Father?”

“It would appear that no one will be able to leave due to the storm,” he tersely said, the words escaping his throat as if someone was strangling him. “Your... guest... will need to use one of the rooms in the south wing.”

“No,” she replied immediately and without thinking. “My girlfriend will stay with me in my room.”

“Your room has only one bed.”

Just as quick, Blake responded. “That’s not a concern. It won’t be the first time we’ve shared.”

As much as she would’ve enjoyed watching the minor stroke that comment caused, Weiss... found herself distracted by... quite a few thoughts.

“And, on that note, I think it’s time we retire, dear.”

“Of course.” The Faunus slipped the bookmark into place and accepted the hand Weiss offered to help her up, the two of them leaving the ballroom and Father behind without a look back. They were halfway down the hall, walking side-by-side and hand-in-hand, before she continued. “So, was that the performance you were hoping for?”

“Ah. Yes, quite.” She fumbled the moment, reminded all too suddenly that it was a display, an act- a performance, as Blake said, with a specific goal that she’d somehow forgotten all about. “I apologize for the inconvenience, though. This... wasn’t part of our original deal.”

“It wasn’t but... I pride myself on being flexible in many respects.” A moment’s pause. “Perhaps I went too far with that last comment, though. About sharing a bed.”

“I don’t think so,” she replied, noticing neither of them had moved apart as they continued towards her room. A request flashed through her mind and, though some part of her thought voicing it would gain her nothing, somehow the words slipped out anyway. “However, I feel a touch guilty.”

“For what? I agreed to put up with all this.”

“While true, I never asked you to lie, and you didn’t up until the bed sharing comment- at least, to my knowledge.”

Blake’s ears twitched but her expression remained inscrutable. “It seems like we will be sharing a bed soon, though, so it won’t be a lie much longer.”

“I have the feeling you... intended to imply more than simply sharing a bed.”

Slowly, they came to a halt, just as the lights above them sizzled out as a shuddering echoed from somewhere else- likely the generators failing, plunging them into the dark. Moonlight from the nearby windows allowed her to see when her eyes adjusted, finding that Blake’s caught every stray bit of moonlight and reflected them, amber glowing in the dark. Faintly, she could see the way the Faunus’ lips curled into a small smirk.

“You know, you could just ask me to sleep with you.”

“I-” A finger came up, pressing against her lips to cut her off.

“Before we go any further on this ‘I’m just trying to make you honest’ line, I feel like I should remind you that you hired me to pretend I’m your girlfriend of two years.” That gleam reappeared, somehow distinct from the glowing quality of her eyes in the darkness. “So, unless you’re interested in making that true, too, you don’t have much of an argument.”

Weiss had- somehow- forgotten that part.

Blake withdrew her finger and waited, black hair blending into the dark shadows thrown against the wall and still wearing that curious little smile with the gleam in her eyes.

Only after a moment of weighing her options did she attempt a response. “And what if I did intend on making the whole thing true?”

The Faunus’ eyes positively lit up. “In that case, our anniversary will be easy to remember.” A light tug. “Now... your room?”

Weiss smiled, her heart thundering in her chest. Whether or not she’d follow through with the... implied meaning remained to be seen but the prospect that she might actually have a relationship with Blake, frankly, made her look forward to the coming year more than her life’s ambition of taking over the company.

And she couldn’t wait to see what else the future had in store. --- So, I had every intention for this to include at least one sloppy makeout and maybe heavy doses of UST. Then... this happened and I don’t know how I got from point A to point B but here we are.

[rhyslucia]

If you're pro-military, you shouldn't vote for trump

"Some 489 national security experts — including 22 four-star officers — have endorsed Joe Biden for president.

'I believe the current administration is a real threat to the republic,' says Gen. Peter Chiarelli, who served as the Army's No. 2 officer before retiring in 2012. 'I had to stand up and be counted.'"

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If you're Christian, you shouldn't vote for trump

"While the president has delivered on some issues of concern to us, such as economic reforms and trade deals, his immigration policies are cruel, undermining his pledges to life and religious freedom. For instance, while we cherish unborn lives, we also value the lives of thousands of children who were separated from their mothers or fathers by the "zero tolerance" policies of the administration at the Mexican border in 2018.

Our commitment to life also compels us to do everything that we can to end human trafficking. The administration has decided to suspend the life saving elements of the Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act, the passage of which evangelical Christians proudly championed under George Bush and the flouting of which evangelical ministries like World Vision and International Justice Mission have decried.

Our convictions on life also are why we strongly believe the United States should continue to be, in the famous words of George Washington, "a safe and agreeable asylum to the virtuous and persecuted part of mankind, to whatever nation they might belong." Rather than continue the life saving tradition of asylum and resettlement of refugees, the administration has shut out persecuted refugees with its immigration policies."

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If you value American lives, you shouldn't vote for trump

“You just breathe the air and that’s how it’s passed,” he said in a Feb. 7 call with journalist Bob Woodward. “And so that’s a very tricky one. That’s a very delicate one. It’s also more deadly than even your strenuous flus.”

“This is deadly stuff,” he said.

At the time, Trump was telling Americans that the U.S. was in little danger and that the outbreak would soon go away on its own.

Asked about those statements in March, Trump said he wanted to downplay the threat. "I wanted to always play it down," Trump told Woodward. "I still like playing it down, because I don't want to create a panic."

In the same interview, he went on to acknowledge the gravity of the threat facing even young adults. "Just today and yesterday, some startling facts came out. It's not just old, older. Young people too, plenty of young people," Trump said.

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Are you, or have you ever met a woman? If so, you shouldn't vote for trump

Donald Trump, current president of the United States, has been accused of rape, sexual assault, and sexual harassment, including non-consensual kissing or groping, by at least 25 women since the 1970s.[1][2] The accusations have resulted in three much reported instances of litigation: his then-wife Ivana made a rape claim during their 1989 divorce litigation but later recanted that claim;[3] businesswoman Jill Harth sued Trump in 1997 alleging breach of contract while also suing for nonviolent sexual harassment but withdrew the latter suit as part of a settlement for relating to the former suit; and, in 2017, former The Apprentice contestant Summer Zervos filed a defamation lawsuit after Trump called her a liar.[4]

Trump in 2017

Two of the allegations (by Ivana Trump and Jill Harth) became public before Trump's candidacy for president, but the rest arose after a 2005 audio recording was leaked during the 2016 presidential campaign. Trump was recorded bragging that a celebrity like himself "can do anything" to women, including "just start kissing them ... I don't even wait" and "grab 'em by the pussy". Trump subsequently characterized those comments as "locker room talk" and denied actually behaving that way toward women, and he also apologized for the crude language. Many of his accusers stated that Trump's denials provoked them into going public with their allegations.

Another type of accusation was made, primarily after the audio recording surfaced, by several former Miss USA and Miss Teen USA contestants, who accused Trump of entering the dressing rooms of beauty pageant contestants. Trump, who owned the Miss Universe franchise, which includes both pageants, was accused of going into dressing rooms in 1997, 2000, 2001, and 2006, while contestants were in various stages of undress. Trump had already referred to this practice during a 2005 interview on The Howard Stern Show, saying he could "get away with things like that" because he owned the beauty pageants the women and girls were competing in.

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Do you support racism? If not, you shouldn't vote for trump

In unguarded moments with senior aides, President Trump has maintained that Black Americans have mainly themselves to blame in their struggle for equality, hindered more by lack of initiative than societal impediments, according to current and former U.S. officials.

After phone calls with Jewish lawmakers, Trump has muttered that Jews “are only in it for themselves” and “stick together” in an ethnic allegiance that exceeds other loyalties, officials said.

Trump’s private musings about Hispanics match the vitriol he has displayed in public, and his antipathy to Africa is so ingrained that when first lady Melania Trump planned a 2018 trip to that continent he railed that he “could never understand why she would want to go there.”

When challenged on these views by subordinates, Trump has invariably responded with indignation. “He would say, ‘No one loves Black people more than me,’ ” a former senior White House official said. The protests rang hollow because if the president were truly guided by such sentiments he “wouldn’t need to say it,” the official said. “You let your actions speak.”

In Trump’s case, there is now a substantial record of his actions as president that have compounded the perceptions of racism created by his words

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Do you enjoy advances made by science? If so, you shouldn't vote for trump

The Trump administration and 115th Congress have been actively dismantling science-based health and safety protections, sidelining scientific evidence, and undoing recent progress on scientific integrity.

Below is a running list of attacks on science—disappearing data, silenced scientists, and other assaults on scientific integrity and science-based policy. The list provides a representative sample of threats to the federal scientific enterprise.

FDA Now Lacks Authority to Halt Use of Inaccurate Coronavirus Tests

In a move strongly opposed by FDA officials, the agency will no longer use science-based checks to regulate a broad swathe of laboratory tests, including coronavirus tests.

CDC Coronavirus Testing Guidelines Were Modified by Political Officials to be Less Scientific

The White House’s Coronavirus Task Force and HHS changed the novel coronavirus testing guidelines on the CDC website to fall out of line with the best available science.

EPA Refuses to Regulate Rocket Fuel Chemical in Drinking Water

The EPA has officially announced that it will not regulate perchlorate, a common ingredient of explosives and rocket fuel, in the nation’s drinking water supplies.

Fetal Tissue Research Blocked by a Biased Advisory Committee

13 out of 14 NIH grants submitted since September 2019 that involve fetal tissue are likely to be rejected based solely on the recommendations of the Human Fetal Tissue Research Ethics Advisory Board at the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS).

White House Demands Rewriting of CDC’s COVID-19 Guidelines for Schools

Vice President Mike Pence ordered the CDC to rewrite their school opening guidelines for reasons that appeared to be primarily political.

Trump Administration Takes Away Hospitalization Data From the CDC

The Administration mandated that hospitals bypass the CDC and send data on COVID-19 hospitalizations, to a private third party.

Trump Administration Endangered People Evacuating From Coronavirus-Infected Cruise Ship

State Department officials overrode science-based concerns of CDC officials and allowed 14 infected people to board an airplane with over 300 non-infected people

White House Hides Economic Analysis Showing COVID-19 Downturns

The White House will forego the publication of an economic analysis on budget projections in the summer of 2020.

NOAA Fisheries is Restricting the Use of the Words “COVID-19” and “Pandemic”

An official memo, issued by NOAA, stated that the agency’s “preferred approach” is making “no reference to anything COVID related” in public-facing documents.

Trump Administration Buries COVID-19 Information For Religious Communities

White House officials instructed the CDC to delete certain sections of a COVID-19 guidance measure for communities of faith

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Sorry I forgot to copy over my sources, but it's very easy to Google and find, just, all the reasons to not vote for trump. If you're feeling apathetic or like your vote doesn't matter, it does. If nothing else your vote will stick it to the egotistical, thin skinned, racist, misogynistic, hateful, lying, fascist ass-hat. If not for love of the country or hope for the future, get out and vote out of hate of who trump is and what he stands for. #VoteHimOut

[starstruckteacup]

Cottagecore Films (pt. 11)

A Little Princess (1995)

starring Liesel Matthews, Liam Cunningham, Vanessa Chester, Eleanor Bron

synopsis

I was extremely disappointed in this film, to put it lightly. The story itself was beautiful, but that is thanks exclusively to the novel on which it was based. The movie itself utterly failed to convey the magic and timelessness of the book. The acting was flat, emotionless, and forced at every point, from every actor (except for maybe Cunningham, but he was absent for half of it). One would think a gaggle of girls would have some form of natural chemistry, whether pulling them together or apart, but not a single child actor portrayed even the remotest semblance of a relationship to another. (Note: I describe in my review of Pan’s Labyrinth what quality acting from a child looks like, for reference.) Even Matthews and Cunningham could not pass a believable father-daughter relationship, despite the story being about that. As far as emotional acting, the adults were just as bad as the children. They couldn’t even feign a single moment of joy, sadness, or anger, regardless of the context. I actually laughed for the entire scene during which Sara nearly died because of how bad the acting from the adults was. At least Chester seemed somewhat worried; Bron and the nameless police officers stood around so vacantly it looked like they forgot what was happening. I really was appalled by the abysmal acting, especially when so much was handed to them in the story. I want to preface my next point by saying that yes, I know computer animation was still a work in progress in the 90s. But this was horrifyingly awful. I have never once, not in my entire life, seen CGI as terrible as the monster in Sara’s stories. I nearly gave up on the entire movie within the first five minutes because of that monster. And it kept showing up, which absolutely ruined whatever favor I tried to hold for this movie. If you don’t have the budget, which this film clearly didn’t, don’t try to animate a monster. It’s that simple. I wish I had more words for it but it was truly so atrocious that I’m at a loss. Any good will I hold for this movie is due to my fondness for the story (no credit to the film), the settings (while not exceptional, they were fairly pretty), and Liam Cunningham’s acting. 2/10

Elizabeth: The Golden Age (2007)

TW: blood, mild gore, torture, racism against indigenous people

starring Cate Blanchett, Geoffrey Rush, Clive Owen, Abbie Cornish, Jordi Mollà, Samantha Morton

This film is the sequel to Elizabeth (1998) (see part 10 of my film reviews), which continues the story of Queen Elizabeth I as her rule progresses. Tensions between Catholic Spain and Protestant England grow ever greater, escalating to treasonous plots and assassination attempts. Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots, and King Philip II of Spain conspire to depose Elizabeth and place Mary on the throne, restoring Catholicism as the national religion. Even as these events lead to war between the two superpowers, the court provides no sense of stability as new faces and new stresses surround the Virgin Queen. She forms a strong friendship with the pirate Walter Raleigh upon his return trip from the New World, where he seeks to establish colonies under the English flag. However, his stay is extended greatly when Elizabeth’s selfishness and pride take over, and are only broken down in the face of battle when she puts him at the forefront of the British navy. Outnumbered, Elizabeth will need Raleigh’s loyalty and cunning, along with the unwavering loyalty of her people, if they wish to survive the Spanish onslaught.

While still a drama, this film proved to be much more war-oriented than its predecessor, but I’m not sure it did either as well. I liked the deeper look this film gave us into the Elizabeth’s mind, especially with her social and emotional conflicts. They remind us that she is still human, despite the somewhat cold appearance the first film gave her at the end. She is more mature, and even more prideful, but there’s still a limit to what she can take as a person. I think the first film gave a better portrayal of her complicated mind, but this was a solid continuation of what years of ruling can do. I also liked how much detail they put into Raleigh’s character, which the first film didn’t do as well with its secondary characters. We got to know more about him, even if he did still feel somewhat surface-level. I think the dramatic aspects could have felt more high-stakes than they did, especially for the characters who were actually in danger. Even though so many characters were actively committing treason, I only felt that level of tension with one: Mary Stuart. Her death was particularly elegant and laden with symbolism, and even though I knew the outcome historically the scene still delivered the anxiety it was meant to. The others simply didn’t have the same delivery. Even the assassination attempt didn’t project any kind of concern, regardless of one’s historical knowledge. The war focus was a fairly different take than the first had, which I appreciated. The film established a strong balance between the tensions in England, Scotland, and Spain, and did a good job making the stakes very clear for each group. Given the uncritically positive stance on England that this film takes, I would have expected the film to villainize Spain a little more to form a stronger dichotomy between the two rulers, but Spain was presented rather neutrally to the audience. The Spanish ruler and nobles didn’t have much character, despite being the antagonist. As for that uncritical positivity regarding England, I do have a bit more to say. Although to an extent it makes sense that the film would lean in favor of England, given its content and the point of view from which the story is told, it became overbearing at times. England could do no wrong in this film, despite children dying in battle, indigenous people being humiliated and dehumanized for show, talk about slavery, and a complete disregard for the suffering of non-white and non-Protestant groups. In contrast, the first film heavily criticized England, from Mary of Guise shaming Elizabeth for sending young children to war, to Elizabeth frowning upon Walsingham’s torture methods (granted she never stopped them, but she didn’t approve as readily as she did in this film), and so on. Although England in truth did all of these things without rebuke, the film could have handled it more gracefully and came across less like propaganda, at the very least. 5/10

Loving Vincent (2017)

TW: suicide (action offscreen, death onscreen)

Sensory Warning: movement of the impressionistic paintings can be very disorienting for those with sensory processing difficulties. I had to break from watching multiple times so as not to become ill.

starring Douglas Booth, Eleanor Tomlinson, Jerome Flynn, Robert Gulaczyk

This fully hand-painted animated film follows Armand Roulin, a young man with a severe temper, on his way to deliver Vincent Van Gogh’s last letter to a living recipient. When he reaches the town where Vincent died, he begins speaking to a variety of villagers with their own stories about the artist, and their own theories about how he died. Armand tries to piece the puzzle together, wondering if the death was not a suicide as claimed, but rather something more sinister.

This film was spectacularly breathtaking. The amount of work that went into painting every scene was awe-inspiring, and definitely sets the bar high for any other films of its kind. The team of artists that created this film represented Van Gogh’s unique art style exquisitely through their loving application of oil-based paints, and truly brought to life the emotion he put into his works. I wish I hadn’t struggled so much with the constant movement, as I feel I would have been able to appreciate the film in its entirety better, but as it was I struggled to pay attention to the story because the art style consumed too much of my sensory processing capabilities. As for the story, I thought it was interesting, but I found it lacking despite the incredible artwork. Foremost, after some cursory research, I discovered that the homicide theory on which this film was based was only acknowledge by one individual, and spurned by hundreds of others. Although the film leaves the verdict open-ended, both to Roulin and to the audience, the story itself seemed to lean into the homicide theory, then completely give up on it with no resolution, so it came across as fairly noncommittal. I won’t argue for or against the theory, as I don’t know nearly enough about Van Gogh to assert an opinion, but I’m somewhat unsettled by the amount of weight it gave to it without any kind of evidentiary support, only to dump it as if the writers changed their mind themselves. The pacing was also slow for a murder mystery, which is basically what the story turned out to be. I would much have preferred the film to cover Vincent’s life, or even the days/weeks leading up to his death, instead of only featuring him in other people’s flashbacks. This kind of existential impressionism should capture the life of its creator, not the mundane views of people who didn’t understand him or even hated him. There wasn’t anything wrong with the film, per se, but I wish the writing was given as much love as the art was. 7/10

Part 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // 9 // 10