rad-batson - Tumblr blog

[rad-batson]

[rad-batson]

*Damian and Tim fighting bad guys at a park*

Damian: Duck!

Tim: *ducks head* Thanks, but I got it!

Damian: No! Duck!

Tim: Seriously, do you think I need instructions—

*Goose charges at Tim and bites his ankle*

Damian: My bad! I meant Goose!

[rad-batson]

I’m like 99% sure the Gotham Elite’s social customs are fucked up because Autism-in-Human-Form Bruce Wayne was just so fucking tired of high society’s weird and incomprehensible (and frankly ableist) social etiquette that he went full Virgin Mary About-to-Invent-a-Major-World-Religion, said “oh haven’t you heard?” and just started making his own random social rules. Like who’s going to stop him? The other elites? The dinosaur CEO’s? He’s richer. He hosts the better parties. He could tank your business in a weekend. So when he says “Weird passive aggressive fork language is out. Having a different utensil for every different food texture is in,” you use a different utensil for every food texture. Now when foreign elites visit Gotham, they have to learn a completely new set of social customs to fit in. It’s like a cult, but the cult is run by the most influential man in the world and Gotham’s personal Jesus. The followers are more likely than not mafia bosses named after a bird. You will be judged. There’s a test. Yes, you do get brownie points for being nice to the servers. For the love of god, stop making so much eye contact. The cloth napkins are folded into little ducks. Welcome to Gotham.

[rad-batson]

Bold words from the Original Manwhore himself Bruce Wayne

Bruce: We are a Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss family NOT a Manwhore, Mansplain, Manslaughter family

[rad-batson]

Tim: I think Damian is gaslighting me, but I can’t prove it.

Damian: Then I’m not gaslighting you.

Tim:

Tim: Count your days.

[rad-batson]

Wrong blog but I said what I meant and meant what I said

Tissue boxes are to containers today as feed sacks were to dresses during the Great Depression, and I think that says a lot about our current economic state ngl

[rad-batson]

Tissue boxes are to containers today as feed sacks were to dresses during the Great Depression, and I think that says a lot about our current economic state ngl

[rad-batson]

Broke: Batman has the most complex passwords imaginable because he’s paranoid that a supervillain will infiltrate his tech or the batcave and steal sensitive information.

Woke: Bruce has the most complex passwords imaginable because his kids won’t stop hacking into the bat computer so they can throw themselves into even more danger unsupervised.

Bespoke: Bruce has the most complex passwords imaginable because he’s personal friends with literally half of the rogues gallery, and they keep fucking changing his wallpaper every time they come over for game night.

[rad-batson]

LOOK WHAT I HAVE :DD

Dear god, this took so long to format. ENJOY EVERYONE!!!!

Okay I honestly can’t even explain how this happened but I think I wrote a 50-page-long pilot for a Keeping Up With The Kardashians parody called The Waynes with an Arrested Development kinda feel (based on some tumblr post, everyone’s seen it before) and now I have no idea what to do with it cuz I poured my heart and soul into this comedy shit show (affectionate) like Do I post it here? Do I call up DC and dangle it in front of their faces? Do y’all want snip-its? Do I submit it to a poetry slam? I’m broke af but I need someone else to see it, okay? I worked really hard on it and it deserves an audience >:(

[rad-batson]

Batlantern but in a kind of pride and prejudice sort of way. Discuss

[rad-batson]

I feel morally compelled to tell you that at the end of this scene, the feral gremlin child (Shawn) does in fact win against his dad despite calling the pieces Dwight and B.A. Baracus, baffling his father who didn't even realize until he said check mate. Dick WOULD

*Bruce and 9yo Dick playing chess*

Dick: Okay, I'm gonna take your pointy, sad-faced guy for my horsey guy.

Bruce: Stop, stop. *pointing to Bishop* What is this piece called?

Dick: I call him Dwight.

[rad-batson]

Hi I'm rewatching Psych (2006) and have found some glaring similarities between Shawn Spencer and Bruce Wayne:

This is very important research. Do not scroll >:(

Bruce Wayne and Shawn Spencer

Not Your Average Detective TM

Works with the local police department, solves crimes in the most illegal way possible

Definitely needs to see a therapist, literally would rather die

Puts on an elaborate show to lie about his identity but he really doesn’t need to be that dramatic about it???? Calm down 🤨

Barely one step above a silly cartoon character, but it is very close

Has a father figure who constantly vocalizes they did not raise him like this while also cleaning up his messes (with love, of course. And sarcasm)

Autistic Swag. Unmedicated.

Hyper-observant with incredible deductive reasoning skills to the point that others are convinced he has supernatural abilities

✨ Breaking and entering ✨

Sleeps in his man cave more than in his actual bed

Homoerotic tension with a grumpy salt-and-pepper detective (if you squint)

Has a psychotic mortal enemy who insists they’re friends despite attempting to kill his family members on several occasions through fun little games and riddles

Owns a business

Wants to lie down and take a nap but if he does then he’ll be left alone with his thoughts so he instead performs dangerous acts of heroism, knowing full well that said dangerous acts do not promise a paycheck

COMMITS TO THE BIT

Way smarter than he publicly lets on

Wanted in several foreign countries, probably

His best friend is both tired of his shit and constantly enabling his weird antics despite having a serious day job because they know he is Much Worse when left unsupervised and they are secretly also just as unhinged

Has mad sexual tension with a concerning amount of criminals

Casually tries to walk off a bullet wound, worrying everyone

Lives in a major coastal city with perpetually constant weather conditions and a surprisingly high crime rate

Bisexual, Canon Be Damned

And yet the straight ship? Still Iconic

Uses his ditzy, flamboyant playboy image to simultaneously protect his biggest secret and hide his deeply scarring childhood trauma

Is babygirl

Bruce Wayne

Orphan

Outwardly has a dark, pessimistic outlook on life

Secretly hopeful and would do anything to make his loved ones happy

Won't shoot a gun but will beat the crap out of you

Bats on everything

Lives on the East Coast

Actually has Autism AND ADHD but his sidekick has more ADHD, making him the default Autism solidarity

Has health insurance

Shawn Spencer

Child of divorce

Outwardly hopeful and would do anything to make his loved ones happy

Secretly has a dark, pessimistic outlook on life

Doesn't know hand-to-hand combat but is a great shot

Pineapples on everything

Lives on the West Coast

Actually has ADHD AND autism but his sidekick has more Autism, making him the default ADHD solidarity

Does not have health insurance

YES THIS WAS VERY NECESSARY THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT

Feel free to add stuff if you also love Psych :D I'm on my third rewatch now

[rad-batson]

*Bruce and 9yo Dick playing chess*

Dick: Okay, I'm gonna take your pointy, sad-faced guy for my horsey guy.

Bruce: Stop, stop. *pointing to Bishop* What is this piece called?

Dick: I call him Dwight.

[rad-batson]

THIS IS FOR FANS OF CASSANDRA CAIN! PLEASE READ! I WANT YOUR THOUGHTS

(skip to the bottom if you just want silly headcanons about her :D)

Hello! So first, I want to thank everyone who read the Wayne pilot I made :) I appreciate your feedback, and I love you all.

As I'm preparing to post it on AO3, I decided to make a few (admittedly small) changes to the script, primarily around Cassandra Cain, because I haven't quite fleshed her out yet.

I don't have much experience with writing Cass, so I decided to do a bit of research on her yesterday, and wouldn't you know? I fell in love. 10/10. She didn't play a huge part in the pilot, but she will have a bigger one in the second episode, and there are a few things I think can or should be added so she doesn't feel too one-note.

There wasn't anyone who told me this, by the way. (In fact, I actually got some nice comments about her so thank you.) I just had it in the back of my mind while writing, and now that Cass is getting more screen time, I'm finding that my lack of knowledge might lead to mischaracterization.

SO TO COMBAT THIS, I MADE A GUIDE FOR MYSELF ON HOW TO WRITE CASS

Is this overkill? Probably Think of it as a silly headcanon list for my version of her. And I'm posting it here because I want your feedback before it's set in stone. (I know Cass isn't written well a lot, so this is my attempt to right these horrid wrongs.)

If you're going to give criticism, please be constructive. Tell me what you like or don't like. I'm all ears. Have fun :)

Writing Cass

(Btw I still gotta read Cass’s first Batgirl run by Kelley Puckett)

Has some sass, has a lot actually

Used to be awkward in social settings. she’s better at it when she’s with people so she can match their energy but she still prefers to just dip

Speaks in short-ish sentences, trying her best tho

I WILL BE ADDING THIS INTO THE PILOT, I JUST WANT TO KNOW TO WHAT DEGREE?? OR IS IT REALLY FINE

Mostly just relies on body language though

I WILL BE ADDING THIS INTO THE PILOT TOO, ESPECIALLY WITH THE ASL SCENE (BUT IT’S NOT REPLACING THE ASL)

also yes i know her using ASL isn't canon, it just works best for the scene, it would have been written the same whether she was in it or not, it is still a cute nod to fanon tho

Steph and Cass are extremely close BUT ALSO HAVE SEPARATE LIVES (I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO STRESS THAT AND I AGREE)

Messy, low-key gross. Bad-ish hygiene but she’s good at looking put-together so only those close know this about her (this is just my headcanon)

Often forgets bigger words so she occasionally uses the wrong one, she ALSO mixes up proverbs but no one corrects her because 1: it’s cute and 2: they don’t want to discourage her from speaking with them more casually (also my headcanon)

Cass: So I pulled the door off its…*makes motion with hand*…metal books. Steph: Do you mean hinge— Cass: Metal books.

Dick: Well that was a surprise. I didn’t know The Penguin would be here. Cass, nodding: Well life gives you grapes Dick: Wut Cass: You make grape juice. Get on the same book, Nightwing

I'M ON THE FENCE ABOUT ADDING THIS ONE BECAUSE IDK LET ME KNOW PLEASE

Is a cinnamon bun AND a little shit, it’s a balancing act

Production: She’s Wayne’s darling Princess Cass: *will break your fingers*

She does appear behind the camera crew to scare them on purpose, she thinks it’s funny, she likes seeing them freak out

She is super competitive, but she's always like "Oh I'm not that competitive" *proceeds to be very competitive*

Because she isn't super confident in her writing or speaking (or just uncomfortable communicating without seeing the other person's body language) she prefers to Facetime or simply reply to texts with selfies of her reaction. It is a thing now. when you need an honest opinion about an outfit, text a photo to Cass. She will either give back a photo of a thumbs up or a photo of a grimace and some not-so-flattering emojis

Her princess persona is her public cover persona in this show, parallel to Bruce’s “Brucie” and Dick’s “born for the cameras” thing

Is surprisingly vocal (and sometimes snippy) about her distaste with things but she mostly gets a pass because her morals align best with Bruce’s

Is most snippy when her family uses methods other than violence when violence is clearly the faster option, god they're such pacifists

Tim: *trying carefully to pick a lock* Cass: Just break through the wall? Tim: We can’t do that. We’re trying not to be noticed. Cass: Wimp

Bruce: Cass, why did you have to dislocate that man’s shoulder? Cass: I put it back. Bruce: That’s not the point. Cass: Fine, I’ll dislocate it again.

Is the best fighter, none of this “oh she’s the best fighter so when people do win against her, it makes them look cooler” thing, shut tf up, she could break their bones (not important to the show ofc but I need to add this because it is important in general)

Horrible at drawing, wretched (again a headcanon but I did see someone else mention it somewhere)

Also bad at writing, refuses to study to improve out of principle (i.e. she told Babs she doesn’t need to and now she refuses to admit Babs was right)

(AND SIDE-HEADCANON IF SHE IS HORRIBLE AT WRITING AND ACTIVELY HATED STUDYING HER ALPHABET THEN WHAT IF LIKE ONE DAY SOMEONE SAYS “hey can you grab me one of these files from last week’s case, it’s under M” SHE’S LIKE “fuck you, how could you do this to me” WHILE SEARCHING FOR M OR MORE SIMPLY *throws something at them*)

That's all I have right now. If you'd like to give me any recommendations, please do. I can't promise I'll add in every single one because this show is still about the whole Batfam, not just her, but I want to do her justice, and that definitely involves more fine-tuning on my part

OKAY THAT'S ALL LOVE YOU BYE

[rad-batson]

was just checking the notes on the OG freestyle checkers post and found this 😭😭 @caramelcustardburst bestie I've got great news, I did you one better

[rad-batson]

The Waynes - TV Pilot (Part 4 of 4)

Logline: In an effort to appear as harmless celebrities, billionaire Bruce Wayne hires a reality TV crew to document his family members' chaotic lives. (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3)

(Love how I said 50 pages like I'm sane or some shit)

That's All Folks :D If you'd like more of Freestyle Checkers, check out my original post about it here

DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION (OR SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN)

(O.C.) means Off-Camera and (O.S.) means Off-Screen. I use (O.C.) for when they're in the room but not visible and (O.S.) when they're not in the room at all, but that's just preference :) Also (V.O.) means Voiceover

Finally, I am working on finding the best way to upload this to AO3, but I can't promise if or when it will happen. If anyone knows how to make the rich text format ACTUALLY WORK please tell me :) I've tried every method under the sun, but I think I need to just do it all manually now.

Honestly, I don't know if I'm going to make another episode. The pilot took a very long time to write (no shit, it's hard work) BUT if you are interested in another one, let me know and follow "#the waynes script" or just follow me for updates! And I make other stuff too so check that out <3

LOVE Y'ALL

[rad-batson]

The Waynes - TV Pilot (Part 3 of 4)

Logline: In an effort to appear as harmless celebrities, billionaire Bruce Wayne hires a reality TV crew to document his family members' chaotic lives. (Part 1) (Part 2)

Part 4 is up now!!

This second episode is BY FAR crazier than the first :D If you'd like more of Freestyle Checkers, check out my original post about it here

DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION (THIS IS A THREAT, I WILL FIND YOU)

As always, (O.C.) means Off-Camera and (O.S.) means Off-Screen. I use (O.C.) for when they're in the room but not visible and (O.S.) when they're not in the room at all, but that's just preference :) Also (V.O.) means Voiceover

Once again, I am working on finding the best way to upload this to AO3, but I can't promise if or when it will happen. It will most likely happen, though. I just hate how tedious it is :/

Follow "#the waynes script" or just follow me for updates! I will post the second half of this episode sooner than you think so keep a look out <3 LOVE Y'ALL