#and artists from my mom rather than my dad. interesting because my dad was Constantly playing music in the house or in the car or wherever

[seilon]

my parents may be complicated individuals to put it lightly but I’ve been really realizing as of late that, by all means, I am so fucking grateful they raised me on the music that they did as a fundamental part of my formative years, and that now, because of that, I have the range of musical knowledge and appreciation that I do today like… seriously dude it’s such a gift and if I can genuinely thank them for any rug without caveats, it’d be that.

[afictionalwhore]

SDV Bachelorettes’ Love Languages (hc)

This post is brought to you by my dear friend bribing me.

No kinks this time because I just struggled on that one.

───────･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.─────────

Emily — Gift Giving and Quality Time

When it comes to giving and receiving gifts, Emily is not at all materialistic. She always has gems and crystals ready anytime she feels you need one.

Don’t bother trying to give it back. She’ll say you need them more than her.

Though she’s a giver, receiving gifts puts Emily over the moon. It’s the thought that counts for her. The fact that you were deep in the mines thinking of giving that amethyst to her rather than selling it speaks volumes to her.

Emily loves spending time with you, even if she can’t commit as much time as she’d like to with work.

You visit Emily at the saloon at least every Friday, as you know it’s the busiest, most stressful day and seeing you will help put her at ease.

Visiting Emily and spending time with her, be it meditating together or trying on clothes she’s trying to make, mean the world to her.

───────･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.─────────

Haley — Gift Giving and Physical Touch

Haley, like her sister, is not materialistic when it comes to gift giving. She appreciates the thought the most, especially as you have to travel for some of her most loved gifts.

Haley is the only person who does not like the most valuable item, prismatic shard. That being said, too many expensive gifts will make her feel like you’re trying to buy her love.

Haley is not touchy until she gets to know you better, but once she’s comfortable with you, she can’t keep her hands off you. She wants to hold your hand around town, watch the sun set on the beach with her head on your shoulder.

If you fall asleep while cuddling her, she’ll lazily play with your hair or trace patterns on your skin.

Haley is absolutely showing you off through PDA. You work hard and she can’t believe someone like you would be interested in her, especially since she was so mean to you in the beginning.

She will steal your clothes and wear them, even if they aren’t fashionable. Additionally, she will try to dress you. It’s a very hands on activity where she essentially turns you into a doll.

Haley used to call you a dirty farmer. She feels bad about it every time she sees you’ve cleaned up for her when you go to hold her.

You used to think that she was trying to make Alex jealous, always hanging onto you and kissing you, but you learned that’s just how she's affectionate.

Gift her a teddy bear with your cologne/perfume, something that she can hold and think of you. She will try to act tough, but on the inside, she’s crying with how sweet the gift is.

───────･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.─────────

Leah — Acts of Service and Quality Time

Leah is like any artist. She often forgets to take breaks when she’s working on a piece. She’ll forget to eat, to drink, you name it. You’ve made a habit of bringing her lunch that you made or bought from Gus.

You learn ways to help Leah, such as cleaning her brushes and tools. You organize her sketchbooks for her. She may think you think she can’t handle herself, but once she realizes it because you care about her and want her to be able to better focus on her art without stressing about cleaning, she’s incredibly touched.

Leah likes to spend time together, but she doesn’t always want to be doing something with you. She’s perfectly happy just being in the same space as you and doing your individual things.

Walks in nature!!! Leah adores dates with you that are just taking a stroll through the woods or on the beach.

Leah wants to consider you a muse, like Elliot. She is more focused on nature however, trying to avoid love due to her ex. Things just happen naturally for her, and she finds a lot of inspiration in you.

She’ll ask you to model for her. Maybe there’s a certain hand pose that she can’t quite get down. She’ll maneuver your hands for her to get just the right reference.

───────･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.─────────

Penny — Quality Time and Acts of Service

With her mom, I can’t imagine Penny being very touchy-feely. However, I do see her being really appreciative of quality time with her s/o.

As the relationship progresses, Penny will melt into hugs and cuddles with you.

Penny likes planned out dates, things that she knows you put a lot of thought into. It’s a combination of her two love languages. One of her favorite dates is when you plan a picnic for her under the tree with artisanal goods from your farm. Goat cheese, jams, bread from wheat you grew. The effort put into this date blew her away.

Penny also enjoys spontaneity on occasion. Knock on her window in the middle of the night and tell her you missed her. She’s a romantic that loves the cliches she reads in the library while the kids study.

Speaking of the kids, help lighten Penny’s workload with them by taking them on a field trip to the farm. Tell them how crops work. Let them help with the animals. They’re learning hands on and having fun. The kids will love it, and Penny’s opinion of you will skyrocket.

Penny sees how hard you work on the farm and will often ask if there’s any way that she can help. She doesn’t want to be a burden, so she won’t take the initiative. Bonus points if it’s a job you can work at together. She’ll act exasperated if you tell her that her company is help enough, but she thinks that it’s really sweet.

───────･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.─────────

Abigail— Quality Time and Words of Affirmation

Abigail is very vocal, so words of affirmation as a love language comes naturally to her.

Abigail likes to hear how you feel. She grew up knowing she was loved, but she never heard it. Sometimes hearing you say “I love you” takes her aback, but she soon grows accustomed to it and finds that she actually loves how open you are about your feelings with her.

Because of her dad pushing traditionally femenine roles and interests on her, Abigail needs a lot of reminding that her feelings and interests are valid.

Abigail loves spending time just chilling with you. Even though it happened early on, she considers your first date when the two of you played video games together in her room.

She loves going into the mines and exploring the woods with you. It’s a win-win situation. You get help with your work while getting to spend time with her, and she gets to spend time with you while doing something that she loves.

───────･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.─────────

Maru —

I honestly see Maru having a mix of all of the love languages. Maru is also very logical versus emotional.

Maru will hold your hand in public, but she tends to keep physical affection limited to private spaces.

She’s a very dominant person who often initiates things. She also likes to be the big spoon when you cuddle.

When it comes to gifts, anything that could be used towards a project, Maru loves it. She will even consider soil samples from your farm or rocks you dig out from the mines a suitable gift. Bonus points if it’s something she’s mentioned recently.

Because these gifts are used for her work, she also sees this as an act of service, especially if it’s something that you had to go out of your way to get for her.

You also will stick around and help her with her projects or bring her lunch or something to drink while she’s working.

Maru doesn’t necessarily need to hear how much you love her. Instead, she wants vocal affirmation about her work. To her, your support is enough to show you love her. If you didn’t love her, you wouldn’t care about her work.

Come to visit Maru at the clinic and she’s over the moon. Her job can get boring, and she’s likely to talk your ear off. Your visits will have to decrease as Harvey may get upset if she’s constantly talking with you and not doing her job.

Maru likes to spend time with you while working on projects, but she feels like it’s not exactly quality time. That being said, she likes to sit by the lake with you or on the bench near the Saloon. While Maru is talkative, silence doesn’t bother her when she’s with you like this.

[d-criss-news]

20 Questions With Darren Criss: How Acting Has Helped Him Make New Music

While Darren Criss has graced our TV screens with a range of characters, from high schooler Blaine Anderson on Glee to serial killer Andrew Cunanan on The Assassination of Gianni Versace, he was last spotted just being himself, on our For You Page on TikTok. “I’m walking to rehearsal with a guitar on my back with a Trader Joe’s bag ... I did not bring an umbrella because I forgot that it was raining. I’m rocking that NYC musician life,” the Glee alum explained in the hilarious clip posted three days ago.

While Criss’ acting work has earned him acclaim and stardom, he leaned into making music during the pandemic. On Aug. 20, he dropped a new EP, Masquerade, featuring five new tracks that Criss says were inspired by the different characters Criss has embraced throughout his career. After Criss wrote songs for his musical comedy web series Royalties and Apple TV+’s animated sitcom Central Park before the pandemic struck the United States, he then used those experiences as a precursor to his new EP. As Criss continues to promote his new music, he answered 20 of Billboard's questions – giving us a peek into how his new EP came together, and how growing up in San Fransisco shaped him as an actor, singer and all-around artist.

1. What inspired your latest project, Masquerade?

Although I would have preferred that it come at a far less grim cost, I finally had the time. Before the pandemic, I had written 10 new songs for my show Royalties -- along with an original song for Disney and another for Apple’s Central Park. These were all assignments in which I was writing for a certain scenario and character. Go figure. It was the most music I had ever written in a calendar year. This really emboldened me to rethink how I made my own music— to start putting a focus on “character creation” in my songs, rather than personal reflection. The latter was not proving to be as productive. The alchemy of having this time and having set a new intention with my own songwriting and producing made me put on a few of my favorite masques and throw myself a Masquerade.

2. How do you think your background as an actor complements your music?

They are one and the same to me. I treat acting roles like musical pieces— dialogue is like scoring a melody; there’s pace, dynamics, cadence, tone. Physical characterization is like producing -- zeroing in on the bass line, deciding on the kick pattern. Vocal characterization is like choosing the right sonic experience, choosing the most effective snare sound, and mixing the high end or low end. It goes without saying that it works in the complete opposite direction. Making each song is taking on a different role literally and employing the use of different masques to maximize the effectiveness of the particular story being told.

3. On Instagram  you wrote that “Masquerade is a small collection of the variety of musical masques that have always inspired me.” Which track do you identify with most in your real life?

Everybody absorbs songs differently. Some key into the lyrics, some into the melody, some the production, some into vocal performance. When I listen to songs, I consider all of their value on totally different scales. So it’s hard to say if there’s any track I “identify” with more than any others, since I -- by nature -- identify with all of them. I think I just identify with certain aspects more than others. If it helps for a more interesting answer, I will say I enjoy the slightly more classical, playful -- dare I say -- more Broadway-leaning wordplay of “Walk of Shame,” but that’s just talking about lyricism. I enjoy the attitude of “F*kn Around,” the batsh--t musicality of “I Can’t Dance,” the relentless grooves of “Let’s” and “For A Night Like This.” All have different ingredients I really enjoy having an excuse to dive into.

4. What’s the first piece of music that you bought for yourself, and what was the medium?

Beatles audio cassettes: “Help” and “Hard Day’s Night.” I just listened on repeat on a tape-playing Walkman until my brother and I got a stereo for our room with a CD player in it, which was  when I just bought the same two albums again, but this time as compact discs.

5. What was the first concert you saw?It’s hard to say, because my parents took us to a lot of classical concerts when we were small. But I guess this question usually refers to what was the first concert you went to on your own volition, and that my friend, was definitely Warped Tour ’01. My brother and I went on our own— two teenagers going to their first music festival, in the golden age of that particular genre and culture. It was f--king incredible.

6. What did your parents do for a living when you were a kid?

My dad was in private banking and advised really, really wealthy people on how to handle their money. My mom was, by choice, a stay-at-home mom, but in reality, she was my dad’s consigliere. They discussed absolutely everything together. They were a real team, and I saw that every single day in the house. They both had a background in finance (That’s how they met in the first place.) and were incredibly skilled at all the hardcore adulting things that I absolutely suck at. They were total finance wizards together. So of course, instead of becoming an accountant, I picked up playing the guitar and ran as far I could with it. Luckily, they were all about it.

7. What was your favorite homecooked meal growing up?

My dad was an incredible chef. For special occasions, I’d request his crab cakes. They were unreal. I’ve never had a crab cake anywhere in the world that was good as my dad’s.

8. Who made you realize you could be an artist full-time?

I don’t know if I’ve actually realized that yet.

9. What’s at the top of your professional bucket list?

The specifics change every day, but the core idea at the top is to continue being consistently inconsistent with my choices, and to keep getting audiences to constantly reconsider their consideration of me. But I mean, sure, what performer doesn’t want to play Coachella? What songwriter doesn’t want to have Adele sing one of their songs? What actor doesn’t want to be in a Wes Anderson film?

10.  How did your hometown/city shape who you are?

San Francisco. I mean, come on. I was really lucky. The older I get, the more grateful I am for just being born and raised there. It’s an incredibly diverse, culturally rich, colorful, inclusive, vibrant city. By the time I was born, it had served as a beacon for millions of creative, out-of-the-box thinkers to gather and thrive. I grew up around that. The combination of that with having parents, who were unbelievably supportive of the arts themselves, laid an incredibly fortunate foundation to consider the life of an artist as a legitimately viable option. It’s a foundation that I am supremely aware is not the case for millions of young artists around the world. I was absurdly lucky.

11.  What’s the last song you listened to?

I mean probably one of mine, but not by choice. I know, lame. But I’m promoting a new EP, what’d you expect? But if you wanna know what I’ve been listening to, as far as new s--t is concerned: a lot of Lizzy McAlpine, Remi Wolf, and Charlie Burg.

12.  If you could see any artist in concert, dead or alive, who would it be?

The Beatles is an obvious "yeah, duh." Sammy Davis, Mel Tormé, or of course, Nat King Cole. I would’ve loved to see Howard Ashman give a lecture on his creative process and his body of work.

13. What’s the wildest thing you’ve seen happen in the crowd of one of your sets?

I feel like just having a crowd at all, at any one of my sets, is pretty wild enough.

14. What’s your karaoke go-to?

The real answer to this I’ll write into a book one day, because I have a lot to say about karaoke etiquette. I have two options here: I can either name a song that I like to sing for me, for fun, or I can name a song that really gets the group going. The answer depends on what kind of karaoke night we’re dealing with here. So I will say, after I’ve selected a ton of songs that services a decent enough party vibe for everyone else, then I would do one for me, and that would be the Beatles’ “Oh! Darling.”

15. What’s one thing your most devoted fans don’t know about you?

What I have up my sleeve.

16. What TV show did you binge-watch over the past year?

Dave is a stroke of genius. There are episodes that I believe are bona fide masterpieces. Also, My Brilliant Friend is a masterclass in cinematic television.

17. What movie, or song, always makes you cry?

It’s A Wonderful Life.

18. What’s one piece of advice you would give to your younger self?

Get used to sharing everything about yourself and your life now, or more astutely, to the idea that you don’t necessarily get to control how your life is shared. I know it’s not really your thing, but you’re gonna have to get used to it, so start building up those calluses now. And don’t worry, all the stuff you love now will be cool again in your mid-thirties, so keep some of those clothes because you’ll be a full-blown fashion icon if you just keep wearing exactly what you’re wearing. Oh nd also, put money into Apple and Facebook.

19.  What new hobby did you take on in the last year?

I’ve always been a linguaphile. My idea of leisure time is getting to study or review other languages. This past year, I took the time to finally dive into learning how to read, write, and speak Japanese. Other than making music, it was one of the biggest components of my 2020-2021.

20. What do you hope to accomplish or experience by the end of 2021?

I hope I get to play live shows again.

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

Rachel Eliot: The Infodump

Here’s just a big info dump on my oc Rachel, with explanations of canon characters & her relationships with them — it was written for a friend who hasn’t watched The Society so it should be comprehensible even without being familiar with the fandom!  I’m just very excited about her lmao!  However it does contain spoilers for the show!

Her twin brother is Sam Eliot, the deaf & gay character (in other words, obviously my favourite) — he's about the nicest person in town tbh

their older brother campbell is a piece of shit and a psychopath (however it's very hollywood-sensationalized and really the only thing I sort of dislike about the show, so I'm debating if I might go for a more realistic route or fully lean into that and go angsty as fuck)

she's a lesbian, and she's dating a guy on the football team named Grizz (best boy, literally a human ray of sunshine) — they started dating when she was 14 and he was 15; when she was 16 and he was 17 she told him she was a lesbian and his reaction was basically "oh thank god, I'm gay — also I have a crush on Sam", however neither was ready to come out, so they're still dating as far as everyone else knows

canonically speaking, Grizz isn't out and has slept with girls in the past and his plan has always basically been "pretend to be straight until I graduate, go to university, come out, never look back", and I thought it would be an interesting dynamic to play with in terms of they very much are soulmates and love each other so much, they have slept together and they're comfortable kissing to keep people off their backs, but neither of them are any less gay for choosing not to come out yet bc fuck gatekeeping in queer communities

and she's in love with Becca, who's Sam's best friend!  Becca (spoilers!!!) is pregnant and refuses to tell anyone who the father is, and when she tells Sam about her baby (and her fear of what people will say if there's no father), he immediately offers to step up and be the father; both in terms of helping to raise the baby and in terms of "you can tell people that I'm the bio dad and that we experimented or something"

so needless to say, the baby will have a very confusing family tree —  "this is my mom becca and my dad sam and this is my other mom rachel who's also my sam-dad’s sister and this is my other dad grizz who used to date my mom-aunt rachel"

In terms of her personality/interests/hobbies:

Rachel is an artist and a writer!  She's about to be done her junior year of high school when they end up in this parallel world

Grizz is her best friend and her safety net, Campbell is pretty much the only person she's afraid of, she has bpd (undiagnosed at that point, but I know it about her!), and she's got a bit of an atlas complex!

at first she has no intention of really trying to be a leader in their new society — she'd rather just stick by Grizz's side, and when she can't do that then she's helping Sam try to investigate how they ended up in the town!  When Grizz gets put in charge of taking a team into the forest that now surrounds them, to look for land for farming, she's the first to sign up and is his second in command on the team, because the idea of being in New Ham (their town) without him terrifies her

When they return, things are kind of a mess, and that's when she gets this sort of "someone has to do something, and I guess I'm the one who has to do it" mentality, particularly about dealing with Campbell (it's not that Campbell has a soft spot for her by any means, but rather that if he's going to hurt someone then she'd rather it be her than anyone else and maybe, just maybe, if she survives his game for long enough, she'll find a way to win)

she's self sacrificing to a fault, keeps her emotions locked down tightly with everyone but Grizz (and eventually Sam & Becca) but cares *so much* about everyone around her, and she's pretty much constantly 0.2 seconds away from having a panic attack

and she's an honorary member of the football team bc of Grizz!  She usually hangs out with them (which can be really hard bc Campbell also hangs out with them often-ish) and even though the three who aren't Grizz can all kind of be assholes, they do actually care about her and see her as a sort of little sister

And, she becomes the historian for their new society!  Her cousin Cassandra is the first mayor and I have this moment between them planned when jobs are being assigned where Rachel just goes up to her and goes "I want to write" and Cassandra says something about like "I know you do, and I want to go to Yale, but we can't do that right now" and Rachel just being like "No, I want to write.  We're either going to be found, find a way home, or die.  And someone, someday, should know what happens to us.  I want to write it all, I want to record it."

her job comes to include recording & tracking of all of their resources, writing a newsletter (that gets posted in the few central areas in town since paper is a limited resource) that recaps everything that's happened and has a schedule for town meetings, movie nights, meals, etc, and any new laws that get put into place, and then her half-journal almost (except she tries to record everything that's going on not just what's going on for her, and she tries to keep it unbiased) about every single day and everything that happens in town and how people feel about choices that get made and whatnot

[iminye]

hey! yo! you mind talking a bit more about the extended fëanorian family ocs you have? how many there are, how they’re related, when they’re born, the rough arc of their life?

Hello thank you for your ask! No I don't mind talking about them at all! I love them all very much but please be prepared that this is going to be a long one and that I couldn't even fit everything I want to talk about in here

I have talked about Maglor's, Caranthir's and Curufin's wives before so I left them out on purpose. So I'm just going to talk about the third and fourth generation here.

If you exclude Elrond and Elros Maglor and his wife Cellin have four children and in order of their birth their names are Gilloth, Nelladon, Gilrin and Belegur. Gilloth has a son named Arrod, none of the other three are married or have children. Curufin and his wife Aiwë have one more child besides Celebrimbor, Aracundo. Celebrimbor himself has a son named Aenion. Caranthir and Calairie remain childless. I'm not sure yet where Gil-Galad belongs family wise in my headcanon but let's just assume he's Orodreth's son for convenience.

I don't exactly have stories for them all. Aracundo, Nelladon and Aenion are probably the most fleshed out one's when it comes to their stories but I love them all regardless.

A badly drawn family tree for reference. If you want some more details there are about 2k words of bullet points under the cut :)

Gilloth

Daughter of one of Maedhros's guards and Maglor's second in command

Born some time before the Nirnaeth Arnoediad

Both her parents die in the Nirnaeth, and she is taken in by Maglor and his wife Cellin and is raised as their daughter

Loses her voice during the War of Wrath but refuses to tell anyone how it happened (possible Trauma related?)

Helps Celebrimbor run Eregion in the S.A

Is very interested in architecture and has great talent

Also helps with the construction of Rivendell and moves there after Eregion falls

Has great impact on her siblings upbringing

She and Erestor start courting after Glorfindel locks them in a room together and only allows them out after Erestor confesses his feelings

They marry mid Third Age

Their only child is called Araráto or Arrod in Sindarin

Because Maglor has given all his children a father name (be they his real children or not) she got one as well

It's Tintanárë (Sparkling Fire)

She's very close with Aracundo especially during the latter half of the second Age and the early Third Age

Her favourite people in Middle Earth are dwarves. She gets along well with them and even learns some Khuzdul from Narvi because she can't just reveal the secret

She is very strong at Oswanë and uses is constantly to communicate

Elrond has a lot of headaches because she directs her absurd thoughts at him to annoy him

Arrod is her sunshine and she would die for him

Not a very good warrior but she's doing her best

Aracundo

Second Born son of Curufin and Aiwë of the Teleri

Fathername: Artafinwë (Exalted Finwë)

He's my depressed disaster gay

Tall boy™ (maybe even taller than Maedhros?)

Born: 464 F.A (same year as Turin because reasons) in Nargothrond

He doesn't remember his dad because his parents parted ways after the Lúthien incident

He grows up in Cirdans care because that's where his mom took him

His best friend growing up was Ereinion even though the other is several years older than him

He doesn't have a lot of temperament and is more like his mother, calm and sensitive

Fights in the War of Wrath as Ereinion's second in command but is more known for his strategies and not for his actions on the battlefield

He and Ereinion get married early into the Second Age (yes he's Gil-Galad's husband and they love each other very much fight me)

He goes absolutely berserk once he sees his brother used as a banner of Sauron's forces after Eregion falls and probably takes down half their army by himself

People who knew Maedhros had a very very vivid flashback that day

When his mother sails not long after he remains in Middle Earth to fight Sauron

He gets much more quiet and reserved after losing his brother, mother and nephew in one go

He is very much pro Last Alliance and openly supports Elendil but mostly because he wants to avenge Celebrimbor's death

Uh… you know who dies during that battle? Ereinion and Aracundo blames himself for it

He stops speaking and becomes a shadow of himself afterwards

Refuses both the crown and Vilya

Lives with Cirdan for some time but moves to Rivendell after Celebrían sails to support Elrond

Has no big part in the second ring war

He sails alongside Cirdan and Celeborn

His life gets from good to worse to tragic to suffering

But he gets reunited with Ereinion in Valinor so it's not a total tragedy

Nelladon

Maglor's and Cellin's first biological child

Born: 1700 S.A

Died: 2770 T.A.

Has Nerdanel's signature red hair but otherwise full on takes after his mother's side of the family

His fathername is Russanáro (copper fire)

Aso has the epithets Copperhead from the dwarves, Pityatinto (Little Sparkle) from his grandfather and Tyalmahto (Toymaker) from the Numenorians

Self sacrificing idiot (we'll get to that later)

His passion is toymaking but also woodworking but he's also a great singer and loves storytelling

For every new baby family member he makes an abundance of toys and when all of them grow up he travels the world to make toys for the children of other families

The only members of his own family to never receive a toy from him are his younger brother Belegur, as well as his cousins on his mother's side of the family (all of them are born after his death)

A very good boy, only wants to make the people happy

He finds Aenion again with the dwarves of Erebor after they establish their kingdom there

Tries to talk him into visiting their family but stays unsuccessful until his death

Speaking of his death and self sacrificing

He dies during Smaugs attack on Erebor while he tries to make time for Thrain and Thror to escape. He faces Smaug in the throne room with nothing more than a iron shield on him

And burns

He fully knew he was going to die but he did it for his friends

Probably aroace

Also the first member of the House of Fëanor to get re-embodied

Gilrin

Maglor's and Cellin's only biological daughter and Fëanor's only biological granddaughter

Born: 20 T.A.

Like Celegorm she takes after Miriel in terms of appearance but inherited her grandfather Tinwës blonde hair

Not the tallest but still like half an inch taller than Fëanor and Curufin

Has a lot of artistic talent and can paint life like images

She painted the wall painting of Isildur cutting of Sauron's finger only with a very bad sketch from Glorfindel and a mental image provided by Galadriel as a reference

Basically always happy and smiling

Hates it when she has one-sided conversations, feels like she's intruding somehow

Celebrían is her big idol and she was devastated when she got hurt and had to sail

Was even more devastated after Nelladons death and isolated herself for a while

Starts traveling with Gildor and his group from that point on to get some distraction and is among the elves who meet Frodo, Pippin and Sam in the Shire

Will not sail until her parents do

Does her best to support Aragorn as the new king of Gondor because she feels like that's what's she owes to Elrond and partially also Elros even though she never met him

The most Avarian out of her siblings

Belegur

Finwë 2.0

Seriously the boy looks like Finwë as much as Arwen looks like Lúthien

People find it quite disturbing (People are Maglor, Glorfindel and Cirdan)

Fathername: Cuináro (living fire)

Born: either 3019 T.A. or somewhere between 10 and 50 Fourth Age

Youngest member of the House of Fëanor even younger than his youngest nephew

Elladan, Elrohir, Arwen and Arrod call him little uncle and he hates it (he loves it but pretends he hates it)

Spends most of his childhood in Gondor because his parents moved the like almost immediately to be with Aragorn and Arwen

Has a deeper connection to men than all of his other siblings (aside from Elros for obvious reasons)

He feels weird when he sees his best friends from childhood grow up, get children and then see those grow up and have children of their own all while he himself is still a child/teenager/going adult

When Elfwinë's son Éomund II. who he was closest with dies, Belegur is devastated

His relationship with mortality becomes rather complicated afterwards

Dedicated scholar and historian

Also only sails when his parents will

Has a very easy time befriending people

Probably the best warrior out of his biological siblings just because Gilrin hates fighting and Nelladon just doesn't care about weapons

In possession of the one Feanorian Braincell might as well have inherited it from his mother)

Aenion

Celebrimbor's son

Born somewhere between 1620 and 1680 S.A

I have no idea who his mother is, any suggestions?

Thought about making him the love child of Tyelpë and Annatar but this feels kinda weird but also hilarious

Looks like Curufin acts like Caranthir

Cantëacurufinwë™ (blame the fact that Tyelpë is called Nelyacurufinwë)

Aenion probably isn't his real mothername but he calls that himself and everyone just does the same

Grumpy cat™

Raised by dwarves after Eregion fell and stayed with Durin's line until the Sacking of Erebor (Thrain brought him to Rivendell)

Speaks almost no Sindarin but is fluent at Westron and Khuzdul

Has no interest in learning Quenya

Creative use of swear words

A Smith like almost everyone else in his father's line

If he is Sauron's child, he has very much cat eyes and you can't convince me otherwise, also the Ring would probably love him

He goes back to Erebor after the dwarves retake it and helps them rebuild it

Feels very guilty for Nelladons death because he couldn't convince him to flee with him

Can't look Cellin or Maglor in the eye because of this

Fights during the War of the Ring alongside the Dwarves of Erebor

Sails with Gimli and Legolas

Arrod

Son of Gilloth and Erestor

Born sometime after his parents wedding

Takes more after his father in terms of appearance but has been influenced a lot by Glorfindel growing up

A total goof

One of the elves who 'greet' Thorin and company when they arrive in Rivendell

Gets into unnecessary fights very often

Very protective

Loves Estel to death and is very sad when Aragorn grows up and doesn't want to be carried around piggyback style anymore

Does it anyways

Idk I have not thought about him a lot

Here and here are Picrews that visualise them :) || Tolkien OC Overview here

[violettedouceur]

The way tumblr depicts the Batfamily and how wrong it is.

Last edit:15.03.2021 This had so many grammatical and punctual errors that it hurt my eyes. Why did it go off? :D

In this post I will do a big comparison of how the Batfamily (mostly the male part) is depicted in the tumblr community. I am not trying to insult anyone. Many of these are also DC’s fault and their inconsistency. (+ a P.S)

Batman

How tumblr sees him: 

THE BEST DAD, adopting machine, always has time for his kids!!! always understand his kids! IS never mad at his kids and never hits them or something like that!! Over all the best dad!!

How he is in the comics (mostly depending on the writer):

Neglecting his children, snapping at them, doesn’t do well with parenting, because.. he had no parents after the age of 10. Tries to do well with them, but still does major mistakes. He doesn’t always understand “his” kids and does big mistakes - like hitting Jason for e.g. Generally doesn’t understand a lot of things. 

 Nightwing (KINDA LONG ONE):

How tumblr sees him: 

Ray of sunshine! Happy-go-lucky, hyperactive mom!! He loves being sexy! Likes to be complimented on his ass!! !!Very social!!! Womanizer!!!! Always really positive!! thiccer than a sniccer

How he is in the comics:

In the comics even if yes - he is not as dark as Batman on the outside and talk a bit more than him, he is not a “mom” type of character that the tumblr community portrays him as. Actually he has pretty negative thoughts and doubts himsels and his decisions. HE DOESN’T LIKE TO BE SEXUALIZED OR TO BE COMPLIMENTED ABOUT HIS ASS. EVEN  FROM COMICS IN THE 80-90S HE SAID HE DOESN’T LIKE ATTENTION. 

  DICK IS NOT THICKER/BIGGER THAN JASON AND NEVER WAS. Idk why in recent years people (also comics artists) portray Dick as someone who is very VERY muscular, bulky and even bigger than Jason (many times!). Yes he is fit, but he is not thicc kind of fit. Even if Richard had many relationships he actually is unsure when he is in one, he doesn’t always know what to do and he definitely is not the type of a “womanizer”. DICK IS NOT A RAY OF SUNSHINE. Actually he has some type of social anxiety (when overbeared with his role of a leader and his job he watched channels/shows in which there are no humans, i feel like it’s obvious why.) RICHARD TAKES HIS VIGILANTE JOB SERIOUSLY, TO THE POINT HE IS WORKCHOLIC AND CAN SEVERLEY INSULT PEOPLE. When Barbara told him he needs to rest and not concentrate so much on his vigilante life he literally told her that she needs to shut up and that he regrets installing elevator in the building (SHE WAS IN WHEELCHAIR.) Almost all of the fandom in tumblr forgets that DICK HAS FLAWS and is extremely flawed and negative many times, because of his job as vigilante.

Red Hood (Jason Todd): 

How tumblr sees him:

ThE BAD BOY OF THE FAMILY, never got through his emo phrase, MCR fan, very not violent, aha. 

How he is in the comics(written very inconsistently, many times one dimensional, please let me write him):

(yes he is NOT a heartless murderer, this is why he is an anti-hero, but he is still pretty violent)

At first a boy with severe temper problems, extremely violent, doesn’t think about conequences, always puts himself in danger,l because of his stupidity and naiveness (hence way he experienced such way of dying). (also feels constantly compared to Dick, which didn’t help him. LIKE CONSTATLY COMPARED TO DICK.)

 After being revived he started having SEVERE MENTAL PROBLEMS, not only his mind didn’t heal properly, but it left him with really, really bad problems. He is SUICIDAL, HE HAS DEPRESSION. He actually has severe mental health problems that he tries to fight off, but no one here is saying a thing about how suicidal Jason actually is. The person that helped him the most is Roy Harper, that actually had his own problems (drug addiction having a baby by a super villain, clones, that baby dying, losing an arm and the list goes on. (depending on the comics you read). 

Generally Jason is fucked up. I like his version in the RH and the outlaws, but he will always have mental problems and I think the fandom should talk about his broken side way more than his bad boy one. 

Red Robin (Tim Drake:

How tumblr sees him: 

LOVES COFFE, nerd aha, sassy af., very talkative, annoyed by everything LOL (I generally see this three as his main personality traits)

How he is in the comics:

Indeed a nerdy type of character, but he constantly tries to prove himself. (Imagine being an adoptive child to someome who recently lost their child in horrendous way and another one that left you because it wanted freedom, you would definitely want to prove your worth to Batman). Unlike Jason or Dick he is not very talkative, Tim is introverted and not confident, extremely socially awkward. Constantly doubting whether or not he is good enough (rarely seeing this to be talked about in the fandom). He is (un)arguably the best detective out of the all Robins. HE DOESN’T EVEN LIKE COFFEE, BUT PREFERS TEA. In old issues he is always seen with a CUP OF TEA in hand, rather than coffee. I feel like the fandom thought that when workacholic he is instantly in love with coffee, but this isn’t more far from the truth. 

Robin ( DAMIAN WAYNE):

How tumblr sees him:

VERY ANGRYYY, ball of angryness, wants to cut off everything with his katana, wants to kill everyone,aha. ANNOYING AF. 

How he is in the comics:

A character that actually has redeeming qualities, feeling other emotions aside from angry-ness, doesn’t literally want to cut everything with katana. Indeed having issues and being portrayed differently by comics artists, leaving him one dimensional sometimes or doing too irrational things. His ignorance is bred by Thalia, raising him with the thought  of being “the heir of Batman/Bruce Wayne”. He actually needs help, a parent figure that can understand where his issues are and make him realise that. He is extremely flawed, but is a child, that needs  a real parenting. 

Alfred Pennyworth:

y’all forget that he is the one and only true parent figure of the family, he is not just there to be wise - but to remind all of them that they are humans and need to R E S T. That the things they do are actually not right. He is the true parent figure of all family members - especially Bruce.

Duke Thomas:

constantly forgetting he exists and it’s sad

Barbara Gordon: 

many of y’all see her only for her role as a love interest of Dick, it’s sad.

Stephanie and Cassandra:

sometimes y’all include them

sometimes y'all don’t

very inconsistent of the way they are portrayed.

deserve more fanarts

Cassandra is not some badass that doesn’t talk - she can’t talk and desperately tries to learn.

Stephanie is way more than a nerd. 

If you disagree - do it repesctfully, under the post.

P.S - I have nothing against fanons and headcanons, but such topic should occassionally be brought up so new fans don’t get wrong idea of how the characters are in the comics! Sometimes we should remind ourselves that in the typical DC universe matter the characters we love are darker than we portray them, but I support creativity in every way! Do your thing! :) 

[kurolini909]

I wanna know everyone's 26 and 27 pls

Sure thing, my friend!

26) Guilty pleasure.

Boreal- Take breaks during his missions every so often to visit half-siblings, spend time with his bf and friends or just play with a street cat.

Gýro- He enjoys scaring Reaper by 'accidently' leaving undead or ghosts walking around the house.

Contrast- Uh... None?? Why would he feel guilty over watching several universes crumble for the plot of others without moving a finger? Silly.

Fade and Rise - Oh. They like to torment Cross with several cow accessories.

Cranberry - 'lil criminal steals cookies or sweets from the jar when no one's watching. She should be arrested already.

27) Family relationships and who's in it.

Boreal: NightKiller family so Nightmare, Killer and all kids from them together or a part. Shortening the list, he's closer to those of his siblings that grew up with him or visit a lot. Particularly fond of the younger ones, he really enjoys helping them out with training instead of Nightmare or the gang. He knows those can't restrain sparring to child-safe-level so well by experience. He's constantly worrying about his siblings but won't say that out loud.

His relationship with Nightmare is of absolute loyalty the kind that wouldn't question an order to a suicide mission if given to. Other than that he's oddly polite with NM as if talking to his superior rather than father. They don't chat much for fun, but NM values his opinion on plans and battles tactics, sometimes they're seen together playing chess or just reading in comfortable silence. Killer is more of a fun parent, he's much more relaxed around him than with Nightmare. Same with the rest of the gang, whom he also won't admit, are considered family. He would die before letting anything happen to any of them. Very protective.

Gýro: AfterDeath family, Reaper, Geno and all kids of this group. His relationship with them is... Almost non-existent. 'Tibia' honest, he basically runs away from Reaper whenever there's the slight chance of them meeting, both are very awkward towards one another and won't be able to sustain a conversation, which, let's be honest, is a scenario anyone would like to avoid.

With Geno things are much better. He trusts the AfterTale skeleton deeply and values every chance he has of having his full attention guiltly - he doesn't think it's fair for him to take his mom's time when he has so many other siblings who probably want it -, Geno always knows when something's up with him and it frustrates him that he can't find time to understand what.

He avoids his siblings like the plague. Not that he hates them or anything, he loves them and would literally die for any, should he have to, but he's afraid of what they think of him after the whole Necromancy thing. Do they even consider him as their brother anymore? Over-thinking gets the best of him so he doesn't really wanna find out the answer to that.

Contrast: Errorink family, Error, Ink and the kids from this bunch. He lives in the anti-void with Error and they're what most people- Contrast thinks - would call close. Even though he can't feel for real and whenever the code pieces he stores in the rings of his scarf run out in that void he becomes emotionless, Error seems fond of him and even protective, the reason to Contrast is unknown. He looked up to Ink a lot when growing up, even tho the artist was a bit air-headed when it came to parenting, probably for being another souless being. Everything from the personality he acts on to the outfit he wears are the result of years of being Ink's copy-cat. The major difference of him from any of his parents is that, despite admiring their importance in the balance, the glitch rather keeps his alignment neutral instead of following in either footsteps.

His relationship with his siblings is... odd. Most find it rather weird having a brother like Contrast, always talking as if life was just a big video-game or something, and never entirely trustworthy. He also has no particular interest in bonding with his siblings, so the effort on his part is almost non-existent. He has no trouble starting conversation and being around them, but don't expect him to be protective or attached to most.

Fade and Rise: Cream family, Cross, Dream and all kids from this ship. Their relationship with their parents is great, they really admire the two of them, oddly enough, each twin has one who's #1 hero. For Rise that would be Cross and for Fade, Dream. They unfortunately don't spend this much time together at home because of their jobs - both parents are workaholics - but treasure dearly the moments they got.

About their siblings, their realtionship is good. Not amazingly close, they rather stay with each other, but good. Whenever they meet at home or the Multiverse, they have no difficulty starting a conversation or doing stuff together, that also inlcludes half-siblings and even cousins. They also generally consider the rest of the Star Sanses and Epic as being cool uncles or something.

Cranberry: Cherryberry family, Fell, Blue, Stretch, Edge, (UF x US Sans and their bros ) and all kids from the first two. Her relationship with basically everyone in her family is great! She lives in Underswap and grew to have Blue and an idol, but she thinks highly of her entire family. Loves to help the Underswap skeleton with puzzles or coooking, and loves playing pranks with her uncle Stretch. In Underfell when she goes spend some days with her dad, enjoys chatting and coming up with new games, as well as sparring with her uncle Edge. She's a little ray of sunshine really.

About her siblings, being completely honest she doesn't know many. Going usually just around Underfell and Underswap, and this ship not having many fankids, she has no way of meeting the out-code side of her family. But the few she got to meet when they passed by to visit were cool. She also tends to consider as family anyone who she really likes or spends a lot of time with, nicknaming them as 'uncle', 'aunt' or in rare cases 'brother' or 'sister' rather than just friends. She's very attached to her family, biological or not, and would do anything to see them happy.

[spectraspecs-writes]

Black Mirror: tumblr in the world of Nosedive

Yeah, here I go again with my thoughts on a Black Mirror episode. This morning’s TV fare was the episode “Nosedive.” To those who haven’t seen the episode, the premise is social media. Each person has the same type of phone coupled with ocular implants that allow you to identify a person on site, connect with their social media, and rank them, one star to five stars. Based on your ranking, you are either denied services or jobs, or get extra benefits. We follow Lacie Pound, a 4.2 desperate to get higher, to be a prime influencer. This gets her more money, a better apartment, better job, all that stuff. The plot follows her as she sinks lower into infamy. Not like villain stuff, but pretty much everyone hates her by the end and she revels in it, being free of the quest for a higher ranking because she’ll never get it.

What I was thinking about earlier is the fact that everyone uses the same nondescript social media. It looked to be picture-oriented like Instagram, and certain pictures for higher rankings than others. And since you could be ranked by your real-world actions, your public life was basically your Instagram life. I personally don’t have an Instagram, so I don’t know much about it.

Point being, though, that was the only social media in the episode. I doubt that it was the only social media in the world. Meaning, if your life is so public that strangers can affect your social standing, I think a lot of people would crave some anonymity. Which is where tumblr would come in.

Tumblr is the antithesis of “Nosedive.” Because each blog is not directly connected to the person. Take my brother’s blog. My brother is just on here to follow some artists. He doesn’t reblog hardly anything. His blog only has two posts on it. If it were so connected to his person, so integral to his progression in society, his feed would be loaded with military history, pictures of trains, and the occasional Zoey picture because you can’t go wrong with cute dogs. If social media was his life there would be more of his life on there. And performative socializing can be exhausting, so logically he would seek a place to stop performing.

Or take me. I’m not a big picture taker. Most of the stuff on my phone is stuff I might need later, or pictures of Zoey. It’s pretty much the same on my iPad, with the addition of art and art references. If my social standing depended on taking pictures, then you would see a lot of activity between 7 am and noon, which are my peak productive hours anyway, and things would drop off in the afternoon. Or I’d keep up that level of activity all day and crash at home like I normally do. I, too, would seek a place to be myself. Where I don’t have to perform.

Enter tumblr. With a few exceptions, none of you would recognize me if you saw me in person. There are two pictures of me on this blog, and you would have to dig deep for them. I’ve shared selfies with a few friends, and a similar subset know my actual name. This is on purpose. This was the plan in the first place. I don’t want people connecting me with this blog. I’m different in person than I am here - more on that in my other Black Mirror analysis, “Be Right Back.” And so is my brother.

Personally, I like the weirdness here. None of us care about the approval of strangers on the internet, not so directly that we cater to them if they ask. I would not stop posting about kotor if someone asked me to. I know none of y’all would stop posting about any of your particular topics if I asked. And there is no social incentive for me to keep posting about kotor. Even the existing kotor fandom on tumblr has no idea I exist, or if they do they’re being awful quiet about it (and frankly I would appreciate more noise. After all I reblog their art. Doesn’t anybody love me? Doesn’t anyone care about Sid the Sloth?) In fact, most of the time, if someone says “stop posting X,” the response is just to double the output of X out of pure spite. And why? What’s the social incentive? What does this get us in the broader tumblr society?

Nothing. There is no tangible reward. Notes are fleeting. The joy of being liked sticks with you, but fame too is fleeting, with a few notable exceptions. And even in those few exceptions, I just assume they have large follower counts because they blog like there’s an audience. But so do I. I guarantee you, my follower count is smaller than you think. My sustainability blog is higher, but the fact that the blog has a focus combined with the fact that my voice is rarely there may have something to do with that. Tumblr-focused accounts on other websites like reddit and iFunny could steal from any blog. There isn’t really an algorithm pushing the big posts to get bigger, like there is on other social media. So influencers aren’t so much of a thing here.

I am... not popular in real life. I’m a pleasant enough person, but I’m not constantly socializing because I have to budget my energy. If I spend it all chatting, then when I come home there’s nothing. I also tend to be quiet because I’ve learned that access to my constant internal bogus monologue is off-putting to most. If I come off as callous or brusque it’s only because I don’t want to come off as annoying. So my ranking in “Nosedive” would be mid level and probably stay there. I’m friendly. But I’m not going to ask questions about your life. There’s too much going on *up here* to focus on asking questions to which the answers are irrelevant. I do a lot of polite listening but if you look deeper there’s nothing there. I’m waiting for a question or something that catches my interest. And I’m used to being ignored. So rather than waste your time with babbling, I’ll keep my mouth shut. Do people miss out? Probably. But as I said there’s a lot going on *up here* and I don’t want to subject you to that if you’re not interested.

My dad would have a high ranking. That’s just the life he lives. He is always trading polite pleasantries with people, to the point where us three autistic people in the house can get a little annoyed. “Stop talking to strangers, we have things to do!” Mom’s ranking would also be mid level and stay there, for the same reasons as me, but she does have a tendency to talk a lot. My brother’s would be a high 3. He’s very pleasant, but he’s been dinged a couple times by people who were wrong, so that would hurt his ranking. But Mom and Dad are already themselves. I on the other hand have come to learn that Specs is a person that does not put a good foot forward. Specs does not make good first impressions. It is best to hold them back until my irl has made their impression and been received well. But Specs is a personality that needs to come out. And they are best expressed here, and will be for the foreseeable future. No matter how dystopian it gets.

[c-ptsdrecovery]

Reading up again on covert narcissism has been really helping me explain some things about my trauma and about my mom’s behavior. Like, I knew she was a covert narcissist, but I’d forgotten how tortuous the workings of a CN’s brain are. Some things I’ve realized, involving some quoting from the above source:

--They want you to feel a confusion between praise and shame, and to feel that you are less than them. It’s a combination of “How dare you achieve?!” and “But you’re still not as good as me.”

--Their praise contains negging. That’s why even when she complimented me, I never felt like I was good enough. Just like the time she read my dissertation and went, “It’s okay... bit dry.” She could always argue that I had myself said it was the more boring version of the dissertation, could argue that other things she had read of mine were better... But at the end of the day, I heard her intended message loud and clear: it’s not good enough.

--Her praise at required times (like telling me I did a good job after a school concert or something) always felt less sincere than my dad’s and I could never figure out why. Well, it’s because deep down she 1) resented that I did well, 2) resented that I had the attention in that situation, and 3) wanted to tear down my self esteem so I would see her as better than me, and so that she could more easily manipulate me in the future

--You can never do things well enough for them. They always have to do things better than you. That’s why I was never good enough at chores, especially cooking and dishwashing. That’s always why she came up with ridiculous reasons to be angry at me every time I brought her my credit card receipts. When she could no longer argue that I was spending too much or that I didn’t give her all the receipts, she began to complain that the receipts were slightly crumpled along one edge! HEAVEN FORBID!

--They refuse to acknowledge your accomplishments. They want you to KNOW they’re not impressed. ...This really explains why she intentionally (and uncharacteristically) tied up the phone line around the time I would finish defending my dissertation so that it was 45 minutes before I could get through to tell her I passed. Because she was jealous that I was getting a PhD and she wanted me to know how little my achievement meant to her. Her jealousy of my achievement was also why her worst abuse began the week I defended (and continued for three years afterward!)

--Mom used to argue that she thought well of my achievements by telling me how she was always bragging about me to her friends. Likewise, she would tell me constantly about how her friends said nice things about me to her. But these things were not about me: they were about HER. She was using MY qualities and achievements to build up HERSELF, not me. If these things had really been self-esteem building for ME she wouldn’t have said anythign about them, because she had a vested interest in me not thinking well of myself.

--I had an absolute COMPLEX about NEVER acknowledging my own achievements or qualities--to the point where I can’t take compliments or ring my own bell AT ALL because it feels SO WRONG--because the cardinal sin of our family is to think well of ourselves. We’re only supposed to think really well of HER.

--They want you to feel unimportant and small

--They want you to know they don’t care about your time or your feelings

--No one’s time, wants, or needs matter except their own

--I still get super anxious when my mom is upset about anything, because her feelings were always my problem. She expected me and everyone else to be entirely focused on her feelings when she was upset, so even if they weren’t my fault, I was made to feel that they were my fault.

--She apologized to me once for being so cold and unloving and cried at me. I said cried AT me because the only reason she was apologizing (because she’s PERFECT; why would she apologize for anyting??) was to make me feel guilty for suspecting her of being cold and unloving, and also to get attention and narcissistic supply from me as I comforted her (which I am proud to say, I did not do). She turned it from an issue of “daughter’s feelings were hurt; let’s focus on her” to “Mom is upset; let’s focus on HER”

--They demand you abide by their wishes. Even when they don’t express them to you. I was always expected to read her mind. The fact that I couldn’t was more evidence of how I wasn’t good enough.

--She forgot me at the bus stop once, and forgot REPEATEDLY to pick me up at school after practice. She had to walk a fine line between “i’m the perfect mother” and “i want you to know that you don’t matter to me/ how dare you require that i put myself out to pick you up?”

--they ostentatiously volunteer to show what a good person they are (teaching Sunday school, joining the library board, working for Christ Among Neighbors)

--she’s extra-sickening on Facebook. “Birthday blessings be upon you, (name)!” because she wants people to know how great she is

--they want to gaslight, manipulate, and confuse you in order to destabilize and manipulate you

--”You’re so sensitive”. Even though they’re obviously the most fragile ego in the room! they can take ANYTHING as an insult! you have to GROVEL to make them believe you’re saying something nice! (this is just a way to get you to say a lot of nice things about them)

--that time i told her i was feeling suicidal and she SIGHED and ROLLED HER EYES and said, “do you need to talk to somebody?” like I was ruining her evening. She wanted me to know how little she cared about my feelings while also saying just enough to have plausible deniability later if I told her her response hurt me (”but i tried to get you help! what do you MEAN my tone of voice was mean?? you always take things the wrong way. I think you hear insults where there aren’t any.”)

--They want you to feel that your emotions, which are inconvenient to THEM, are a negative part of your psyche and a reason that other people won’t like you. They want you to feel that they are in control of their emotions,and their emotions are always right, while yours are not.

--they make you feel small and stupid for needing emotional support. THEY’RE so independent! (except when you have to stroke their egos...)

--they ignore their “loved ones” (no wonder I felt so alone as a child. even now i’m DYING for attention. when other people get attention/praise for things i know i can do as well or better than them i’m TORN because i want other people to treat ME like that, but i can’t draw their attention to myself because that’s so WRONG. and also if i DO get their attention, then i can’t take the compliments anyway.)

--they don’t need to praise others because they’re so obviously superior!

--i was always uncomfortable when my mom sang. i always felt like she thought she was SO GOOD a singer, when she was only mediocre. it always felt icky to me listening to her sing or play the flute.

--they get angry when you’re sick. GOD, that explains SO MUCH. The time i kept nearly passing out and ended up just lying on the kitchen floor because every time i sat up i felt woozy again and i asked her to make me a sandwich because my low blood sugar was part of the problem and she was clearly ANGRY and COLD and didn’t say a WORD to me as she made me the sandwich. like, your daughter is unable to get off the floor, and beyond one, “are you okay” there’s absolutely NO care there. it’s no wonder i write so much hurt/comfort wherein someone is sick and the other person Notices and Cares for them... it’s wish fulfillment!

--they’re condescending.

--they forget about your requests on purpose. she’s always buying me just slightly the wrong thing for christmas and birthdays.

--i showed her some very artistic self-affirmations i wrote once and she started disagreeing with all the nice things i said about myself. because how dare i have self-esteem when SHE was there?

--they make people fight each other. kinda explains my brother and me and our undying enmity...

--they project their own issues onto you. that’s why she tells me i’m always so angry and that i hurt people a lot with my tone of voice. and that i’m oversensitive.

--they give you the silent treatment and make you beg and plead. 

--they never try to make you happy (or if they do, it’s only for show. like buyign you SLIGHTLY  the wrong thing, over and over again. plausible deniability. “i TRIED! i was being GENEROUS! how DARE you nitpick my presents!”)

--they intentionally ruin special days for you, especially birthdays. because they resent you being the center of attention. i remember the first time she let me have a birthday party with friends instead of older relatives (she always invited my aunts and uncles to my birthday parties instead of people my age because SHE wanted to be the center of attention at the parties, not me. the parties were for HER, not for me.) at this child’s birthday party, she organized all the games and ran them all and was very much the center of attention. the only thing i really remember from that party was the game she created and led entirely.

--they don’t really know anything about you. GOD, how very true. neither of my parents have a fucking clue about my personality, my tastes, my interests, or my sense of humor. they know about them on an EXTREMELY surface level. “oh, she likes cats. she did ballet for years. she likes trees.”

--the reason mom got mad at me when i cried as a child was not, as she told me many years later, because she was upset that she was unable to comfort me adequately. The problem was that SHE wasn’t in the spotlight. she was required to pretend to care about MY feelings. She couldn’t comfott me adequately because i sensed that she was mad about me crying, rather than loving me and having compassion. she sent me to my room when i cried so i wouldn’t be the center of attention--and also to punish me for being so.

--i’m scared of spending money because mom 1) made me feel guilty for spending money on myself, because everything should be about HER [seriously, i got seriously scolded once for buying things for myself on a shopping trip instead of ONLY buying xmas presents for the family]. 2) made me scared about our financial situation because she wanted to have money for herself first and foremost for what SHE wanted. Thus her and Dad scaring the ever-living SHIT out of me last summer about finances and then turning around and buying themselves iphones.

--i’ve always felt so alone because subconsciously i always knew mom didn’t love me, even though consciously i made myself believe it. and of course i could never know if dad did, because even now, it’s a pretty fuzzy issue (which basically means he doesn’t. le sigh)

you know what? i’m going to get out that art project of self-affirmations and add some shit to it about being able to see through other people’s bullshit. because GODDAMN, i deserve a fucking MEDAL. i’m not going to let her negging make me continue to feel bad about those affirmations. because she’s just full of shit.

[arecomicsevengood]

(Not a review of) Noah Van Sciver’s BLAMMO

I believe Noah Van Sciver and I basically grew up in the same part of New Jersey. After my parents divorced, I would spend the weekends with my dad, who moved back in with his parents, in Collingswood, New Jersey. By the mid-nineties, the only comic shop still open was in the neighboring town of Oaklyn, where one week the owner had ordered a bunch of an issue of Noah’s older brother Ethan’s comic, Cyberfrog, that he, (the comic shop owner) had been drawn into getting killed, as the shop owner had agreed to up his order numbers in exchange for a cameo. I didn’t buy the issue, but I retained the information the artist lived nearby and shopped at the same comic shop I did. Later Ethan would take over the art duties on Impulse, a comic that had been one of my favorites under the creative team of Mark Waid and Humberto Ramos, and I would buy one issue and be disappointed in it. I know that Ethan really tries to hustle these days as a hatemonger in the hopes of finding readers with a lot of grievances against women and minorities who will slurp up his garbage, but it’s worth noting his comics have always been transparently shitty to anyone who would give them a look out of curiosity. Ethan’s best ignored, and this can be done easily enough, but Noah’s profile in alternative comics continues to grow, and on the merits of his work rather than the path online bullying his brother’s chosen to pursue. I haven’t read Noah’s memoir, One Dirty Tree, about his family growing up in Merchantville, but my mom currently lives in Pennsauken, and these towns are right next to each other.

Van Sciver is inordinately prolific, with a Wikipedia page that suggest he works on comics pretty much constantly. The work ethic pays its dividends, and he makes very readable work, but it also makes me think about how Julie Doucet got alienated from the world of comics because so many male cartoonists seemed to only ever think about or be interested in comics. You can see this in Van Sciver’s autobio material where he hangs out with other cartoonists, his strip for Now paying tribute to Basil Wolverton’s Spacehawk, or his strips in Blammo where he investigates older humorists, or invents fictional successful cartoonists. The hustle of being a full-time artist does not leave enough room for hobbies or interests outside of the form itself, and this leads to work that maybe has limited appeal, though the hope remains that readers interested in comics will still pick up a bunch of it, even if they won’t take it upon themselves to become completists.

Both of the last two issues of Blammo contain letters from people it’s somewhat surprising to imagine engage with an artist Noah’s age: Robert Crumb in issue 9 and Seth in issue 10. It would be really funny if these letters were forgeries meant to stake a claim to an artistic lineage of “alternative comics” in confidence that the artists credited would never find out. Not accusing Noah of doing this, just saying it would be funny as my way of offering my tacit approval of anyone who would want to do a morally unscrupulous thing in the future. The letter (allegedly) from Crumb has him congratulating Van Sciver for his skill in capturing how bad 1990s teen culture was, it’s funny to imagine this is based on some long-standing grudge based on a time his daughter Sophie was listening to 311 too loud.

[eyes-like-a-pisces]

Rules: Answer 10 questions, tag 10 people and make another 10 questions.🧜‍♀️

Questions from my astrological twin: @maiden-song 💕

1. if you could choose to glimpse the afterlife, would you?

Yes, I would. I think a lot about It.

2. under what circumstances do you think you past life was lived?

I could have had many past lifes. I think I was a native american, cause I've always felt bonded to their tradicion and same with China, cause when I hear the sound of Erhu - traditional chinese instrument, something wakes up in me. I've also always wanted to see Sweden & Finland, so maybe I was doing something there... I mean, I could do anything. I see myself in biblical times, as well as middle ages. I could be a renaissance artist, as well as dying of hunger during victorian era, or something, and that's probably why I'm still careful with money, haha. For my latest one, I think I could have been a hippie in the 60/70s and had some drug use experience, cause when I was a child I used have dreams about taking drugs, even if I didn't know anything about It. I also had some experience with psychics (and "psychics"), my mom had a past life regression and she told me she saw me few times... I don't take anything for granded, but reincarnation is one of my favourite theories.

3. what three skills would you instantly master if you had the choice?

Playing every instrument, speaking every language, singing beautifully

4. would your rather no passion or no pain?

No pain. Everything is needed in life, but you know, enough is enough.

5. if you had a chance to leave this world and go to another one, would you take it?

Depends of the world and who I would meet there. Even if this world can be cruel and disappointing at times, I still have some love for him and humanity.

6. if you could smell like anything in the world, what would it be?

Like the first day of spring, when you go outside and the air smells different. Or a storm.

7. do you feel like common interests or philosophical comparability are not important?

They are very important. I can't imagine a relationship without similar interests, views. You either get bored or fight constantly. I think that the whole point of searching a partner is trying to find things you got in common. The more similar you are, the more understood you feel and more you are attracted to them. That's my experience at least. That's a very basic example, but as you may noticed, I'm very much into music and I was dating a guy, who wasn't into music that much at all. I thought It doesn't matter at first, but then I started feeling like I'm missing my favourite way to connect with other person. Once I met a guy who loved music as much as I do, I'm sorry to admit It, but my partner became unattractive to me.

Similar interests and views are needed at the beginning, to bond with somebody, and later, to simply enjoy spending time together (thanks Captain Obvious). I mean... chemistry and good will are not enough for a relationship to last. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you have to be identical and agree on everything - some differences can be inspiring, balance your relationship and teach you something new. It's also ok and even needed, to have some separate hobbies, things that you like to do on your own. There are also other important things, like, if you equally care about each other and if you are on the same page in general, but I can't imagine not agreeing in the key points and things that are the most important to you. And the only person who can decide what is the most important is the person who is in that relationship, no matter if It's about interests, philosophy or religion. But beside a romantic relationship, I think It's good to be surrounded by different people and listen what they got to say.

8. if there was one mystery you alone could learn the answer too, what would it be?

The mystery of life in general. Why we are here, is there any destiny, how we are connected, how this universe works, what happens after death...

9. in your opinion, is there anything more important than love?

No :) (I'm not talking about putting your relationship before other things. I'm talking about love as a big force and meaning of this universe)

10. describe a new planet you would live on, if you could.

I want things to be diverse, monumental... Maybe another moon, why not. As a concept of the world, I wish there would be peace :) everybody has their safe place to live, will to live, passion, purpose, someone to love and who loves them back. Amen.

Questions from @mybloodiedvalentine 💕👯

1. What is an unpopular opinion you hold you about which you feel strongly and with which you seem to notice a lot of people disagree?

Nothing specific comes to my mind at the moment (that I haven't mentioned before). I sure have some, but what's unpopular opinion in general and what's unpopular opinion on tumblr, are two different things. Maybe, that the "tumblr positivity" is not really helpful. Like: "in case you need to hear this: you are smart, you are loved... ". How do you know that? Those are just empty words. But It's better to spread positivity than negativity, of course.

2. What is the nicest thing a stranger has ever told you that you can recall?

Oh, I had a few situations like that... This is so lovely, when a stranger wants to just be genuinely nice, not just catcalling you...For example, when I was with my 3 girlfriends at the club and 2 ladies in their 40s where like: "excuse me, we just wanted to say that we can't stop starring at you all, cause you are the priettiest girls in the club." And we were like: aww, omg, you are beautiful too, come dance with us. And we were all dancing in our witches circle ignoring all sweaty men around us, haha. Or when my mom went to the the same hair saloon as me and asked hair dresser if she remembers me and she said that she does and that I'm nice and intelectual. I'm her faithful client now ;_; (Sorry for sucking my own dick, but It was nice to remind myself about these situations).

3. Has a piece of art or music ever made you cry? If so, do you remember a specific moment? 

Crying to music is my passion. The latest intense moment was few days ago. I was loading a dishwasher at night and I played some music and then "lover you should've come over" by Jeff Buckley came on and sudden wave of lonelliness hit me so hard, that I just had to put down the plate, hide my face in my hands and weep ✌

4. What’s your favourite piece of clothing?

Idk, maybe my Penny Lane coat :)

5. What’s a random childhood memory that fills you with a deep sense of comforting nostalgia? 

Sledding with kids during a very cold winter in my home town, until It got dark and snow looked like sprinkled with glitter and having my freezed feet warmed up with a hair dryer, when I came back home, haha.

6. What is/was your favourite thing about your mom? If not your mom, your dad? Or best friend?

My favourite thing about my mom is that she's tolerant and open minded. I didn't have to lie to her or pretend I'm someone I'm not because of that. My favourite thing about my dad is that he actually cared about being a parent, even tho my parents divorced. I respect that he has unwavering morals and huge knowledge about a world - biology, astronomy, music, art...- subject doesn't matter- but he is very modest about It.

7. What’s something you learned on your own of which you’re proud?

Playing guitar

8. When was a moment in your life you remember laughing the hardest?

I was playing cards since I was a kid. After few years, when I was about 13 y. o. I got the first poker, a royal flush. When I saw my cards, I'm not sure why, I just coudn't believe my luck, I started laughing so hard I almost died.

9. What do you like to do when you’re having a hard time mentally that invariably calms you down?

Really depends of the kind of situation and if It's triggered by something or just a longer period of time feeling in a certain way. The is no a magic trick, but some things might be helpful. When It's concrete situation, at first, when the feelings are really intense, then I just can't calm down. Every try to do so, has a reverse effect. Like, I CAN'T THE FUCK CALM DOWN and It makes me even more angry. Brain needs about 20 min to chill, if It's not triggered, so It's better to be left alone and just go mad a little until brain will have enough haha. Have a good cry, listen to some music, have a lonely walk, write my feelings down etc.

I like to listen to Teal Swan on youtube. She's a spiritual teacher. I know, It might not sound encouragingly, but she actually seems very down to earth. She has a video about like, every emotion and every problem ever. She's very good in naming feelings, rationalizing them and It makes you feel more understood. And It calms me down as result. ASMR doesn't work for me, but I remember that at some point I liked to listen to sounds of the nature, like rain, waves etc + guided meditation to fall asleep.

Music always helps in general - listening, playing guitar, singing. I also like to take an oil and do a face massage. I'm really sorry if I sound like an instagram influencer 🤢, but when you feel bad for a longer time, you frown and there is a tention in your jaw, it can be really relieving. I follow instructional videos on yt.

When I have a longer period of going into downward spiral, then every way to distract my brain is good - TV shows, internet content that is not related to my life situation (although, sometimes It's good to distance yourself from social media), for example, I like criminal podcasts, cause they are occupying enough to distract a miserable brain, meeting somebody, going to a place I've never been before. + any kind of shedule, reason to leave the house, any goal, anything positive to look forward to and having even the simplest things done, is a blessing (even if sometimes It's the last thing I wanna do). I also tend to be much sadder in the evening, so I just go to sleep. When nothing works, then It's time for the professional help.

10. Do you have a favourite holiday memory?

Discovering Cocteau Twins.

Best regards if u actually read all that chatter, but those questions were so interesting, that I couldn't limit myself to one sentence answer (in most cases).

My questions are:

1. Who or what was the most influential for your music taste?

2. If you could time travel, where and when would you like to go first?

3. If you could be someone from an opposite gender for a day, how would you like to look like and what would you do?

4. Do you have a style icon/inspiration? Or a favourite designer? Desribe your dream clothing style

5. What's the song by a band/artist from your country that you could recommend? (From your hometown or state eventually)

6. What is the most rebellious thing you've ever done?

7. Has ever something in your life happened, that you coudn't explain with logic?

8. What 5 objects someone could use to summon you?

9. What is your favourite name from your culture's language? And outside your culture's language?

10. What's a song you normally wouldn't admit you like or different from music that you usually listen, but still enjoy?

I tag: @winterdryad @bowiepop @nightmare @confusion-in-the-sea-of-sorrow @l0w-budget @numberoneblind @mirandasinclairs @mysticbride @leperwitch @comeacrossthedesertnoshoeson @hexafu @mielmelancolie @arcane-delight

[purplesurveys]

1105

surveys by seachaange

What do you do when someone is talking to you about something you don't care about? I listen and try to ask questions or add my own input so that they can see that even though I personally don’t care about the thing they’re talking about, I’m invested in them.

What is the best pizza place in your neighbourhood? Erm, we don’t really have a lot of independent pizza joints, actually. Most of the ones I see are chain restaurants like Pizza Hut and Domino’s. The best pizza I’ve had is from Vu’s at Marco Polo, but it’s been a whileeeee since I’ve had their food. Mama Lou’s pizza is also good.

Do you have Photoshop installed on your computer? I do but I only had it installed for school. I have no personal interest to learn it.

Are there any teachers you have that you are close with? I wouldn’t say that. I’m kinda chummy with one of my English teachers from high school - like he knew about me and Gab and supported us, I show my support for his art, we greet each other every now and then, etc - but we’re not ‘close.’

Do you have friends that play field hockey? No.

What about soccer? Not friends but I do know a number people who play football, yeah.

Do you think homosexuals are leading a bad lifestyle? This question aged like milk, didn’t it...

What do you think of the iPad? I remember when it blew up like crazy. It was such a revolutionary thing back when it was new, so much so that my dad even felt the need to buy one. It was fun when the hype lasted; but nowadays I don’t know people who would still seek out an iPad other than artists and law/med students, lmfao.

Do you put lotion on after you get out of the shower? I don’t.

Do you have any concerts on dvd? A lot, but they’re of concerts from a time when DVDs were still a thing. I haven’t had a new DVD in around 7-8 years.

Do you still have a VHS player? I think my parents have thrown theirs out already.

Has anyone ever given you a promise ring? No.

Do you send postcards to people when you go on vacation? I don’t. But aw, this made me remember when Jo did a summer exchange program in London and she sent postcards to Aya in the few months that she had been away. I thought that was sweet.

What do you think is the most comfortable shoe? Out of the pairs I have, my Onitsuka Tiger shoes for sure.

Have you seen Lady Gaga's music video for Telephone? That was suuuuuuch a big deal when it came out. Yes, I definitely have and I must’ve watched it a thousand times. Also rude, Beyoncé was in there too lol

If so, what do you think of it? It was so creative and a lot of fun to watch, especially for 2009 when artists weren’t exactly daring with music video concepts yet. I can’t believe they never collaborated again since.

What do you think of the septum piercing? It’s great.

Do you frequently skip class? Depends on my interest in the class/the professor, OR how tired I am that week. I skipped my psychology elective a lot because I didn’t think the instructor was all that great; and as much as I loved every single one of my history classes, there were a few sessions I voluntarily had to skip because I wasn’t doing mentally well. It really depends.

--

When you're really thirsty, what do you enjoy drinking most? Water. Anything else wouldn’t be able to quench my thirst as well.

What do you find inspirational in the world? I think it differs based on what I need to see at a given time, I guess. At this point in my life, I like hearing from people who have risen from their trust and abandonment issues, because it’s what I’ve been going through as well. I probably never would’ve found something like that inspirational, say, 6 months ago, so it really depends.

When hanging out with your bf or gf, what do you like doing most? I’m a very ‘let’s spend time in silence’ type of person. I cherished it the most when my ex and I would go to a coffee shop and work for hours, in complete and comfortable silence; or when I would be driving and no words would be exchanged for nearly the entire ride. Even though I stay quiet, in those moments I’m actually very happy. Of course new experiences are great too, but I personally enjoy the conventional ‘boring’ stuff the most when with a partner.

What do/did you think of your high school? Teeming with homophobia, bigotry, and just your typical Catholic gatekeepy judgmental environment. I look back at high school fondly because of the friends I made, not because of the toxic environment they nurtured in there.

What is the dirtiest rap song you have ever heard? I don’t listen to a lot of rap. But as an 11 year old listening to Nicki Minaj’s Itty Bitty Piggy, I was immediately traumatized lmao. I still can’t listen to that song.

What about a dirty song in any other genre? Uhhhhhhhhh probably Drunk in Love?? Lmaoooo I’d die for Beyoncé a million times but I always skip that song. My asexual ass just can’t deal.

What is a genre of music you simply can't stand? One of them is techno.

What is, in your opinion, the best way of dealing with a break up? Being kind to yourself.

What flavour of Doritos do you like best? I’ve only ever tried the nacho cheese flavor, but I love that one.

Where do you do your grocery shopping? I don’t do the grocery shopping in the family but my parents usually do it at SM or at this local store we have nearby.

Would you ever go to a comedy club? Yes, with a friend so I’d be more comfortable.

Do you think Victoria's Secret is overpriced? I haven’t been in one of their stores in a while, so I can’t really say.

Do you still have a VHS player? Again, I don’t think so.

Do you have a tumblr? :))))))

Why is it that photography is becoming a trend? So this survey was made in 2010 and I can definitely confirm it was a crazy huge trend lol. Even I got into it and asked my parents to get me a DSLR back then. Anyway, I think it was because during this time, DSLRs had been slowly becoming a thing? and they were kiiiiiiiinda cheap - at least cheap enough to be accessible to a large amount of people - so it allowed people to play with different styles that were very unfamiliar at the time, like light painting, fisheye, close-ups, etc. And then at one point everyone had DSLRs and it just wasn’t as enjoyable anymore because everyone was doing the same kinds of trendy shots lol.

What is the funniest movie you have ever seen? I’m gonna go with The Proposal - Sandra Bullock was gold in that movie.

Did you watch American Idol this past season? No. Do they still air new seasons of that?? I stopped watching when the same guitar-playing, country-singing white men kept winning.

If so, how did you feel about the winner? It’s been more than a decade since I last cared for the show.

Don't you hate it when one of your earbuds stops working? Sure.

Do you have a normal landline, or do you use MagicJack? Holy shit I have not heard of MagicJack in a goddamn WHILE lmao, what a throwback. We had one, I’m pretty sure...but I never knew what it was for.

Do you even use a house phone anymore? Landlines are still common in the Philippines. Are they not in other countries? Hahahaha.

Would you ever consider dating someone who lived across the country? If I loved, trusted, and was committed to them enough, yes.

What was the most expensive restaurant you've ever eaten at? I wasn’t able to track the name but I’m pretty sure it was the fine dining restaurant in our cruise trip that my parents treated me to for my birthday.

Do/did you take foods classes in high school? My school didn’t offer such a class, but we had home economics and we were occasionally taught how to cook and bake certain dishes.

Do you have a tattoo? No, not yet.

If you do, describe the pain you went thru when getting it done. Eugh this is what I’m scared of :((((

Do you enjoy making hemp necklaces and bracelets? I’ve never tried.

Have you ever watched the show Strangers With Candy? I’ve never even heard of it before, I’m sure.

What is your favourite bookstore? Fully Booked, because their collection is expansive, always complete, and they let you take a book of the shelves and read it if you’d like.

Have you ever used torrents? Mostly throughout high school. I did use a torrent to download Midsommar recently, though.

How can we tell if you are in a bad mood? I go quiet.

How are you when you're in a really good mood? Complete opposite - I will be bubbly and chatty, especially in instances when I’m not really expected to be.

Are you nice to everyone, even people you don't like? Yes.

When you're bored in class, what do you do? I seldom found myself bored in class because I’m constantly furiously taking notes. But if the prof themselves are very boring and there’s nothing to take notes about, I go ahead and check my social media either from my phone or laptop.

--

Would you rather go to Lollapalooza, Warped Tour, or Bonnaroo? As a teenager, I had always wanted to go to Warped Tour. As I’ve gotten older, though, the lineups for Lollapalooza have appealed to me more. Plus it’s in Chicago, soooooo a million more brownie points for that.

Do you have anything that is autographed? By who? Yeah, I have an autographed poster of AJ Lee. It was my most prized possession and I even placed it on a big picture frame and had it up on my wall for yearsssssssss, and then my mom had to take it down because of course it’s my mom and of course she had to do it.

Can you sleep when it's really hot? Welcome to summer months in the Philippines.

Do you know anyone who works at McDonald's? I think Carley does, but idk if that’s changed in the last few months. I don’t stay updated about her life, haven’t been for years.

Do you have a debit card? Yes.

What bank do you (or your family) use? I am not sharing that lol.

Would you ever hitchhike? I think I’m mostly open to it, though I will say I’ve read enough stories about murders that involve hitchhiking that make me a little scared of the idea, hahah.

Have you ever been kayaking? We did a boat thing in Palawan a few years ago but I’m not sure if that was kayaking or canoeing. Anywho, the experience was breathtaking.

Do you have a problem with swimming in a pond or lake? In the context of my country, yeah, because our natural bodies of water aren’t exactly...the cleanest, lmao. I’d feel much more comfortable swimming in a private beach.

Does anyone in your family go hunting or fishing? Nope. But maybe some of my relatives living in the US do?? Idk for sure.

What do/did you do when someone you barely knew asks you to sign their yearbook? We don’t really practice that. Only the really expensive, bougie, international schools here that have foreign students to begin with do that, I think.

In high school are you/were you in the plays and musicals? No.

Do you have a birdbath in your yard? No, we don’t.

Is the house you live in old or new? It’s fairly new; we had it first built in 2005 and we officially moved in 2008.

Where do you go when you need a new pair of sneakers? Depends on what brand I’m in the mood to buy.

Do you make New Year's Resolutions, or do you not even bother? I typically don’t.

Most annoying commercial? Haven’t been paying attention to them lately.

What does your favourite bathing suit look like? It’s just a simple black bikini but its overall shape and design is super cute and chic.

Do you like Silly Bandz? No.

If you do, how many do you have and what are your favourite shapes?

What do you think of My Super Sweet 16? I never watched it because I feel like I’d only get stressed if I did.

Do you have mini-blinds in your house? I have pull-down window shades in my room, not blinds.

Do you rent your home or do you own it? My parents own it.

What is your favourite song right now? Trigger by Hayley Williams.

Do you use Firefox? Nope.

Do you have a pool in your backyard? We don’t.

Do you have a gym membership? No.

Favourite field trip you've ever been on? Freshman year of high school when we went to two museums :)

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 3x03 Chapter Forty-Seven

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) I really hope this is not another bait...

There’s so much buildup that I wonder if this is going to be disappointing. Or if it will even happen at all…

Well, we’re back to where they got the go-ahead from the doctor, but...

2) People keep interrupting them, and I just wonder why Jane won’t just be open about it and tell her mom, dad, and grandma that they want some privacy to finally get laid!

3) “If you weren’t a singer, what would you be?”

It’s an interesting question indeed, considering she’s not really a singer and she hasn’t done much with her life so far. It’s a weird question to be asking yourself when you’re pushing forty, right? But I guess Xiomara always followed her impulse and that’s how she led her life, there wasn’t really much time to think about what she wanted to do. I’m kind of curious to see where they go with this.

4) New character, I guess?

So, this is Cecilia, Alba’s sister and the one responsible for telling everyone Alba wasn’t a virgin on her wedding day.

5) Oh, thank god!

I found the whole “You and I finishing at the same time” comment… odd? And tbh, Jane doesn’t look very satisfied. But at least she got it over with! Of course, he fell asleep right after, and it doesn’t feel as magical as she’d expected, I guess. But I mean, why should it? Expectations about the first time having sex should be very low, but culturally women are raised to make this huge deal of their “first time” and “losing their virginity”, and it’s very difficult to shed those expectations, right?

6) OMG she’s sending a sex tape of her first time with her husband to her advisor!

But… the most important question is, is she going to watch that video? Will Michael and Jane watch it? Will they do a play-by-play analysis? Will he notice that she didn’t really come?

7) “It was actually my first time” “Oh, that explains things…”

Well, the advisor (I’m sorry, can’t remember her name!) made it out to look like she was talking about her writing – which she might well have been – and how it was lacking something. I think I’ve actually mentioned this before, but It’s kind of odd for Jane to be a romance writer and to be writing sex scenes without actually having experienced sex herself. The advisor makes a good point – romance without sex is just fantasy. And I’m not saying that you can’t have romance if you’re asexual. But that’s not the type of stories Jane is writing or the audience she’s writing for. Anyway, I think the advisor was actually talking about her performance in the tape and not her writing. Or maybe both.

8) I knew it.

And of course, her friend tells her NOT TO TELL MICHAEL, and I’m like, huh? I just wish this would stop being a storyline? Both the faking and the not-talking to your partner about your feelings regarding the sexual experiences you share with them. Not having an orgasm is just part of the sexual experience and there’s nothing wrong with it, and sex can still be enjoyable even when you don’t have an orgasm. So let’s see where they take this storyline. I’m guessing Michael is going to be super supportive, and will try to make it up to her.

9) Why is this still a thing in this show? We get it, Luisa is a fucking moron, and she makes terrible decisions. I wish there was more to her character than that.

10) And I know that we crave representation for LGBTQ+, but… Rose is a fucking psycho? And this is almost a textbook abusive relationship? She’s literally kidnapped Luisa, isolated her, and keeps telling her how she’s alone and Rose is the only one there for her. (and I’m not even touching on the whole murderer/drug lord thing because that’s just part of the zaniness of this show.)

11) Okay, Xiomara is considering moving on from singing, but move on to what?

12) I genuinely laughed at this.

13) Okay, I liked this joke.

JANE: What’s the CW? Like a streaming thing? ROGELIO: No, no! It’s a huge network! Look it up! Amazing shows! Fabulous line-ups! 

Anyway, Jane is very intent on manipulating her mom into finding her passion for singing again, and I don’t know how I feel about this. Yes, Xiomara loves singing, but what is wrong with giving up? She hasn’t really made it, and there are other things she might be passionate about that she hasn’t figured out yet because she’s been pursuing her “singing career.” I know Jane is trying to be supportive, but if she truly were, she would just try to help her mom to find what other avenues she can pursue instead of tormenting her with her unfulfilled dreams. It just feels like another thing Jane does because it’s what she wants rather than being selfless and thinking of others.

14) See? This is why you should be honest with your partner about your orgasms or lack thereof…

At least it led to an honest conversation. Which led to this…

15) I’m loving this Cecilia character. I kind of wish she was the leading lady, actually. She’s so fun, even if she’s a figment of Jane’s imagination!

16) Rogelio is selling his show to the CW, but Rob Lowe will be the leading man, not him. I see how this could easily lead to an existential crisis for Rogelio, but I have so much faith in him, he’ll probably take it in stride and turn into a bigshot Hollywood producer.

17) Hm. Day two and Jane is already trying to spice up their sex life? This doesn’t bode well. And Michael is telling her not to discuss their glitch with anyone to protect his fragile ego? Because he tells her she can say they had sex, but that she shouldn’t mention how it wasn’t good? Double hm. And now Jane is with Xiomara, someone who could actually help her get out of her head and understand what she’s going through, but she keeps her mouth shut because Michael’s ego is more important.

18) And then she finds this…

I hope this sets her straight.

19) So… instead of getting on board with Xiomara wanting to move on after finding the list, Jane and Rogelio continue to plot to get her “back on track.” But why?

20) For a second, I thought Rafael had truly sent a caring, loving email to his sister, but it seems to be a ploy to get her to reply and reveal her location. Considering she’s a moron, she’ll probably fall for it, but it’s kind of sad? When she was reading the email, I was hoping it would be her wake-up call (if the fact that she literally jumped and gasped when Rose walked into her room wasn’t already a warning sign…) and that she would try and leave this toxic relationship. But if she’s being lured by false declarations of brotherly love… I don’t know, it feels wrong. Yes, she’s a fucking moron, but what makes her a moron is that she’s constantly looking for love and affection. That’s always her downfall.

21) Now, that is a cameo…

Loved the fan bit! 

22) So… Rogelio got freaking Gloria Estefan to help Xiomara, but it never occurred to him that it might have the opposite effect. Because Xiomara has seen Gloria and Emilio casually sitting there and watching her show and she’s freaking out.

You bow to royalty. 

23)  So… Lina Has just offered to help Michael and Jane and demanded a play by play, and Michael remembered the sex tape. He’s not going to show it to Lina, though, right? He’s just going to watch it and figure out what went wrong.

24) Oh, no she didn’t!

Why is she so intent on convincing Xiomara to continue pursuing a career that hasn’t really worked out for her? She hasn’t made it, and it doesn’t look like she will anytime soon, and that’s OKAY! What’s wrong with wanting to try other things? What if she’s really talented at something else and she’s missing the opportunity to shine because she’s stubbornly fixated on being a singer? And why does it matter so much to Jane? Why does she need to control everything and everyone’s lives?

25) So… this whole obsession with Xiomara’s career is because… Jane gave up her virginity? Huh? That doesn’t make sense? How is Xiomara’s singing career a metaphor for Jane’s virginity? I’m just confused! The show is usually very good at pulling off this type of parallelism and metaphors, but this time it just didn’t work for me.

26) See? Xiomara had the right answer all along:

“With sex, it can take time to find your groove and figure out what you like, what you need. You’re just starting out. You’ll get there.”

27) So… they end up watching their own sex tape, and finally have satisfying intercourse, I guess. I kind of wish this storyline hadn’t been resolved in an episode, though, it doesn’t feel realistic.

28) So, that was the reason for the riff between Alba and her sister Cecilia…

29) Why am I always so much more invested in Rogelio’s storylines?

He apologized for the way he broke-up with her, and then they decided to embrace their artistic connection. And now he has six months to become famous in America so that he can be the lead of his own show in the CW hahaha! I feel this storyline will be lots of fun.

30) Look what the cat dragged in…

…a moron thirsty for love.

31) So… I guess Rose lied about the whole “I’m not a criminal anymore” thing. Shocker.

Rafael’s mom was on her kill list, before she even killed her. And Muter died holding a bible and clamoring for her son. I guess this will be Rafael’s storyline, then.

32) To be honest, I wasn’t a fan of this episode. Usually, the plot A and plot B are connected in a way that makes sense, and this week, it felt a bit far-fetched to have Jane obsess over Xiomara’s singing career because she had let go of her virginity. I don’t know, what are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments!

33)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[rosaguard]

solivgnt replied to your post: she’s so pretty :pleading:

PLEASE tell me more

aetla replied to your post: she’s so pretty :pleading:

:ear:

it’s hard for me to talk about her before rambling a bit so here i go! her name is audrey cramer which is 1). a reference to my favorite actress ( audrey hepburn ) and 2). a reference to one of my favorite families ( the cramer women ) in my favorite soap opera, one life to live. i love ( love ) soaps; passions, all my children, and one life to live were my biggest favs even though passions was stupid most of the time looking back. the deaths of AMC / OLTL still hurt. but hey, general hospital, days, and the cbs soaps are still kicking even if i don’t watch them. the point of bringing this up is that the mini-story in my head with these characters in the sims is basically kind of a...love letter to soaps and the tropes they have ( the romance, the cheating, scandals, the star crossed lovers, the people who die but never stay dead, etc. ) but with a fantasy twist since the town is occupied by fairies, wizards, werewolves, etc.

anyway, audrey. while soaps are an ensemble, pretty much every single one has that one female character that ‘leads’ the show ( all my children had erica kane, one life to live had victora / vicki lord, general hospital still has laura spencer, days of our lives also still has its female lead, marlena evens, etc, etc. ) audrey is the ‘lead’ of [fictional town i haven’t fully decided the name of].

audrey is well... me. her name was literally my middle name back when i first created her back when my brother got me the sims 1 ( side note: i love my big bro. he’s great ). she’s always been black, she’s aways been a writer, and a hopeless romantic who just so happens to be good at things i’m not ( i hate cooking -> audrey ended up going into the professional chef career lmao ). she was basically built off the things young summer liked and did or either aspired to do or get better at. she is, quite literally, my idealized self i guess. ( i think her love interest may or may not have originally been based off this cute hispanic boy i spent all day at the pool with once one summer. did we dramatically look at each other through the gates when he finally had to go home? maybe. i was in love ya’ll!!! )

i literally had a journal in middle school were i wrote out stories between the characters - although looking back on it now, i would probably cringe since most of it would read like a trashy reality show to me ( for context, stuff like flavor of love / i love new york was at its peak back then ) rather than the well crafted soap that 13 year old me envisioned. however, instead of just...throwing all that away, i recently started to build this storyline in my head ( mostly b/c i’m not very fond of the sims 4 and want to find ways to keep myself invested in it ) and revamp parts i didn’t like. basically i asked: how can i make this interesting to me - even if it is, admittedly, self indulgent to my tastes? the answer was to start building a world which is...something i’ve never done before? and it’s still in like super, super infant phases b/c i haven’t been playing ts4 at all but it is something i want to work for my own enjoyment / challenge to myself.

SO. the beginning of the story has always started with audrey returning home for a funeral - her mother’s funeral to be exact. there’s a lot of baggage here due to the fact that 1). her mom is/was easily the most important in town, 2). the cramers, who are also witches, are seen as the ‘pillars’ of the community and thus someone needs to step up and take her mother’s place (i’m still debating on her mom’s new name  / whether i want it to be a soap character reference or not so that’s why i’m not saying a name), and 3). her mother’s death slowly begins to look more and more like a murder than a natural cause of death.

on top of all of this, audrey hasn’t been back home since graduating high school and leaving her HS sweetheart behind due to conflicting desires ( she wants to escape what she is - a witch / half faye via her father - and wants to leave it behind while he takes pride in his family and what he is - a werewolf. ( we all know they’re going to fall in love again but...slow burn baby ). 

audrey vc: can i catch a break here?

there’s also the fact that well...the cramers like all families are dysfunctional. before i touch on her sisters, however, i also have to mention another trope within soap operas. if a character (doesn’t matter if they’re a man or a woman) has multiple children then each child is basically guaranteed to have a different mom / dad  ( if a brother and sister on a soap have the same mom and dad, that’s actually a miracle lol ). that’s how it is with audrey and her sisters, serena and alexendra.

serena. the oldest who was originally the baby - although audrey tends to act more like it. literally gives not a single fuck(tm) about having magical powers and constantly leaves the council on read about becoming the new head now that her mother is dead. she’s single, constantly ready to mingle - in bed. basically fulfills the hot / steamy part of the ‘love in the afternoon’ part of soaps + is a person whose life is a mess and is always into something they probably shouldn’t be in.

alexenda. the baby who, at least back during the ts1 and ts2, was actually the oldest but things change!!! her personality has changed a lot because she used to be the oldest that was a nerd - i admittedly wasn’t invested in her back then as much as i am now. is more of a modern day hipster now who is an artist more than anything else. i’m still fleshing her new personality out so there’s not much here yet.

the momma without a name yet ( might just be marlena b/c while i’ve never been super into days of our lives, the character marlena literally got possessed by the devil twice and that should be honored tbh ). anyway, she dead. has had an antagonist relationship with esperanza kane since forever and may or may not have been sleeping around with her husband. oops. ( esperanza is the mother of christian, audrey’s ex. :))) )

anyway, this isn’t like....a deep plot. i’m very self aware about it. it’s messy and drama filled b/c that’s well...soaps lol.

bonus: they also have pets. the dog is named carly after a character from general hospital that’s always yelling and in people’s faces lol. the brownish cat is the mom’s cat, vicki (named after the ever wise victoria lord), who can speak and acts as an ‘advisor’. audrey’s cat is...victor manning who doesn’t think he’s a cat and would probably try to fight you in the street if he could - that’s what you can expect from a cat named that lol. he loves belly rubs though!!!!

[axelroy]

ʻ   /   let  me  introduce  you  to  a  prized  member  of  our  honors society ,   axel roy-dreyfus .  this   cismale  cancer  has  been  a  student  at  our  institution for seven years  and  is  currently  a  21  year  old  junior.   through  the  halls ,   he  has  always  reminded  me  of   aron piper  ,   but  there  is  always  more  than  meets  the  eye ,   like  the  fact  that  he regularly takes acid to inspire his artwork .  coral  cape  has  made  their  future  just  as  bright  as  their  smile ,   i  assure  you .ʼ (   muse 17 ,  riley ,  20 ,  cst ,  she/her   )

pheeeeew as if i couldn’t love aron piper more, s3 of elite rlly did me like that jesus fjdkslgjdsf anyway PLS like this or dm me or discord me idc, i would love to plot with all of u <3333

TWS: drugs, depression, death, car accidents, a really fcking long intro post aha !

if u wanna be extra in the mood when u read this …………… pls feel free to have this audio post playing in the bg while u peruse. i have been crying listening to this all week. thanks for coming 2 my ted talk here is axel now !

NAME — axel roy-dreyfus.

NICKNAMES — axel, ace, a. 

PRONOUNS — he/him.

AGE & DOB — 21 & august 10, 1998.

PLACE OF BIRTH — new york city, new york.

NATIONALITY — french-american.

MAJOR — visual studies & psychology.

EDUCATION — cape coral international school.

CLUBS — honors society.

* BACKGROUND OVERVIEW !

axel was born the only child to two loving parents, an american father whose family has run a large media conglomerate for decades ( i got insp from hbo succession ok ), and a french mother whose family has a large hand in the development of nuclear energy in france ! so like ........ $$$$$$

there were probably a hundred timelines in which axel became a spoiled brat, but the universe was fortunate and brought two of the most kind-hearted souls that were ( relatively ) uncorrupted by the power and wealth that their families brought ( they were the youngest in their families, probs. youngest child syndrome *coughs* me ). he grew up in a loving household, one that was open and generous—their four empty bedrooms were always available for axel’s friends to stay over if they needed, 

axel learned from their optimism, from their generosity—why be manipulative, when his family had the means to procure anything with ease ? it was a dangerous bubble to grow up in, but his parents, being forward thinkers too, saw him as an equal growing up. they’d tell him all the family drama as they rolled their eyes. needless to say, they didn’t have to work too hard to get by in life, to live in luxury.

TW DEATH. on the eve of his parents’ anniversary when axel was sixteen, a sophomore in high school, his parents died in a tragic car accident in paris on the way back to the airport. he was left devastated, alone in a home with no one to return to. END TW.

while he wasn’t around at cape coral, he was sent to live with his uncle ( his father’s brother ) and aunt, where he finally got immersed into the cutthroat life of the roy family, no longer skirting the edges of the family business. he would constantly get compared to his cousins all the time, which he hated. his aunt and uncle also expected him to follow in his family’s footsteps and continue working at the family company—which he also despised, but didn’t voice openly. he’d known about the shady deals, thought the monopolization of media was an evil he’d want to avoid.

finding it hard to express his pain and loneliness after his parents’ death, axel started taking up art and painting more seriously than just a hobby. he painted and painted and painted, staying after school in the art studios just to let his emotions out somehow. and he became talented—garnering interest from his teachers, his peers, the portland community, and eventually worldwide with his social media following.

TW DRUGS. but the art didn’t spark out of nowhere—he certainly needed help, both to inspire his works, but also to relieve the pain of loneliness, to help him transition from his old life to a new. it was weed at first, but he slowly started dabbling in acid, cocaine, and molly, amongst other things. END TW.

now at cape coral, he’s continuing pursuing his career as an artist, with a humble following, slew of awards under his belt, a few international articles published about his unique genre ( see @ canvas section on my pinterest board here ), and has been invited to have his work exhibitioned in a galleries across the nation. 

* PERSONALITY !

axel certainly hasn’t lost the positive charm that he had grown up around, with parents like his. he’s pretty go-with-the-flow ( in a sense, far less uptight than his cousins, and probably many other cape coral students ), preferring to stay on the sidelines than get into the spotlight ( unless it’s the art scene ! ). 

he’s generous, and sometimes doesn’t realize when he’s being taken advantage of—another trait he’s probably received from his parents, who were far too giving for their own good.

he’s kind, but not a pushover—he’s becoming more confident in who he is, and won’t back down from pushing back in conversations, nor let his friends make terrible decision for themselves. sometimes he’s a bit stubborn in that capacity.

he’s a pretty good listener, and with his share of heartbreaks and pains, he’s been known to give pretty good advice while he’s sitting at his easel, painting away. whether or not he chooses to follow that same advice himself—a little less certain.

he certainly still focuses on his studies—being part of the honors society—as he continues to pursue a double major in visual studies and psychology. perhaps the interest in drugs came first from his interest in the mind itself. so, he’s definitely an academic, but he likes to have fun, too.

ambitious, yes—in the artistic development sense. otherwise, spontaneous, for sure. he’s chasing highs and new experiences that will inspire his artwork in the future. 

he’s fiercely loyal to those who he trusts, but wouldn’t necessarily go too far out of line to protect them. he’ll certainly go out of his way to pick someone up in one of the several cars he has ( he’d never had the heart to sell his parents’ cars ), to chat about problems, to work things out—but he probably doesn’t have the chops in him to break laws for people. but he’d never sell them out—he’d just stay silent.

sometimes he tends to zone out, sketching doodles on his notebooks and napkins, reveling in unique natural color combinations, being fascinated by shapes and lines. but he’ll also be the first to apologize for zoning out.

* CHARACTER TROPES !

TW: DEATH, DRUGS — growing up, axel roy-dreyfus was your classic BOY NEXT DOOR. shining smile, perfect manners, star on the cross-country team who had a charming smile and a brain, too. he was raised that way on purpose: picture perfect, for the only child of a roy and a dreyfus, two completely powerful families in the media world. but their expectations were not met because of strict curfews, or perfectly tied ties, no—axel wanted to be perfect to make them proud, because he loved them. because they were strong but caring, who saw axel as an equal. he never called them ‘mom’ or ‘dad’, but ‘william’ and ‘diana’ instead—they were his best friends, they never hid anything from him—not the family drama, not company secrets. they were the perfect little family, one that his friends often envied, but sometimes good things fall apart.

their little picturesque bubble burst quickly when his parents passed away in a car accident when axel was sixteen, and he was thrust into the bustling life of the roy family. though he was privy to the family drama through the lens of his parents before, he never realized how deeply cutthroat and horrible business could be. he would be constantly compared to his older cousins, would be on the receiving end of inquiries about where he would be attending college (cape coral, of course—their entire family’s alma mater). he found himself playing the role of the CONTENDER, often, battling unrealistic expectations to keep his family happy, yes, but more importantly, himself sane. but with axel’s loneliness, with his sadness came an awakening. unable to properly express himself with words anymore, he turned to art. and people realized that he had a gift like no other.

art became a refuge for him—he’d spend hours upon hours in the studios at school, and when he outgrew them (or rather, found other means of inspiration through pills and other substances), he moved his creative space to his dorm, his apartment—wherever he had space to just be. people started catching onto his talent: teachers and professors first, then peers, classmates, friends who supported his endeavors. purchases made their way across the world and his name became more and more familiar. his art is raw, vulnerable, not for the aesthetic but for the emotion elicited from symbols, colors, shapes. it’s his own genre, one that people have been more and more intrigued by these days. it’s gotten to his head, a little, surely—that he’s made a name for himself outside of the roys and the dreyfuses. he now has a bit of confidence behind him, being able to list his earnings and the recognition he has received at local galas—and people are starting to accept him for his future, too. it fuels him, makes him a HOTSHOT, but of course, not everyone knows about the measures he takes to ensure his creative juices keep flowing.

outside of his own personal journey, axel is known to be a loyal friend. the relationship he had with his parents certainly prepared him to be the shoulder to cry on, to give sage advice to people in need. he jokes that his apartment is now half an art studio, half a therapist’s office, by the nature that many people swing by to chat while he paints (sober, or not). he relied on his friends when his parents passed away, not exactly receiving the emotional support from his family that he needed. in that way, he’ll never sell someone out, never tell someone’s secret without their permission. in the perspective of those he cares about, he could be labeled a FERRYMAN, one who helps guide those who are in need of advice or just someone to talk something through with.

* PLAYLIST !

erase — omar apollo:

i don’t mind, my head’s in the sky thinkin’ of you, oh, feelin’ for you, oh oh it’s cold right now, i miss you for life it’s not going away, i thought i’d be okay, yeah

TW: DEATH, CAR ACCIDENTS — this song might more relate to axel’s relationship with his parents more than an ex-lover, though it could pertain to the latter, too. his parents, who died in a car accident on their way back from a trip to paris four years ago, where axel’s mother is from, were his inspiration, his support, his best friends. axel had an incredible bond with his parents—especially, given he is an only child. his parents nurtured a gentle but passionate soul in a family that was full of cutthroat, cold businesspeople. their death sparked his interest in expressing himself through art, as he couldn’t find the words to fully describe his pain and emotion. he misses them dearly, still sometimes finding it hard to navigate life without them, and dedicates his life and art to them everyday.

easy love — lauv:

keep comin’ back, guess you could say i’m attached last time we called it a wrap, i came beggin’ and all that you’re like a habit, it’s bad i got a habit, it’s bad oh no, i’m not even mad

TW: DRUGS — this song describes his personality and love life—unfortunately, he can be a bit reckless when it comes to his own well-being. he certainly dabbles in more than a few drugs, acid and marijuana mostly, to enhance his creative abilities, as it was a piece that he had painted during an acid trip that garnered him the fame and respect he has now. he tries to rationalize it as a creative process, as something necessary to push his artistry to the next level. similarly, in his love life, i imagine that he gets himself into rather toxic relationships. although he, himself, is a selfless person, especially to those he is loyal to, he sometimes doesn’t exactly realize when things are unhealthy to him—bad habits, you could say. he’ll keep crawling back to people as long as they make him feel good, even just for a night.

vincent — don mclean:

now I understand what you tried to say to me and how you suffered for your sanity and how you tried to set them free they would not listen, they did not know how perhaps they’ll listen now

TW: DEATH — this song describes axel’s life as an artist, in the eyes of someone who appreciates his craft. his extended family, including his uncle and aunt whom he now stays with during holidays and family gatherings, don’t quite appreciate nor understand his interest in art. he has struggled, since the day his parents passed away, to get them to understand how much art means to him, and how it’s not just a phase. now at cape coral, where he is being nurtured to reach his fullest potential, he wants the chance to join a residency program after college in paris to reconnect with his mother’s family’s roots—he’s already garnering attention from a worldwide audience. he still faces a lot of backlash from his family, and it affects him more than he would like it to.

* AESTHETICS !

thrift shopping, talking on the rooftops until three am, poems scribbled on masking tape, dried flowers, french music on a record player in the background, paint-stained hands, hoodies on a sunny day, waves crashing on the sand, unfinished sketches on napkins, vintage film cameras, whiskey breath, exposed brick, clean unmade sheets, spontaneously bought train tickets, rose petals, writing letters to his parents, subway chatter, graffiti-ing positive messages on highway tunnels, cigarette smoke, art galleries circled on city maps, coffee under a paris awning.

* HEADCANONS !

he has an instagram page, showcasing his artwork, that has 82.7k followers at the moment. he doesn’t post his face or anything about him personally, just cryptic descriptions of vulnerable art.

he keeps his two last names out of respect and love for his parents—not, like many people believe, to be able to milk the advantages to being born to two families that control great media conglomerates in the world.

one of his most damning vices is cigarettes. he smokes them to feel calm, and often needs someone to swat them away from him.

his apartment is full to the brim of canvases and paintings—it’s honestly a zoo. layers of works line the walls of the hallways, whatever’s newest being the furthest out. there are some hidden gems laying around, if anyone were interested in checking.

he has ear piercings—much to his extended family’s dismay. he never used to wear it around when his aunt and uncle were present, but ever since his newfound confidence has bubbled up in his chest, he doesn’t care anymore.

he’s bisexual.

there’s an enormous chalkboard in his apartment too, and visitors are encouraged to draw and write messages on it—as long as they don’t erase his grocery list. he finds inspiration for his work on there a lot.

he’s a 3x state chess champion—it’s a skill he was taught as a kid, and likes how he had practice reading people from the game.

there’s an apartment in his name in the 7th arrondissement of paris, where he escapes to from time to time, the musée d’orsay is his favorite place on earth.

axel absolutely adores train rides. the ride from new york city (where his aunt and uncle live, and where his parents used to live) up to cape coral is some undisturbed peace where he likes to just sit and think, enjoying the changing colors of the autumn leaves.

* WANTED PLOTS !

these are just like stubs and rando ideas i had ……… pls feel free to pick and choose and mix and match idk i’m also ok at brainstorming ig PLEASE MESSAGE ME I WANT ALL THE PLOTS AND ALL THE ANGST OK THANKS !! i also have a WANTED TAG here

TW DRUGS

a best friend ( preferably since childhood ! ): give me guzman n ander vibes, where the two have known each other since they were little, have been through thick and thin, is axel’s biggest supporter in his art. ( insp: x ) OKF DSJO BUT PLS GIVE ME THIS ……………… 3x07 guys, come on. we all know.

childhood friends / best friends / ride or dies: likely other cape coral students who have been around a long time, they’ve seen axel through his ups n downs, were there for him when his parents passed, and get up to shenanigans at galas and charity events. the elite kids basically. they’re the siblings he’s never had, he’d protect them with his life and offer advice and paint things for them !

someone who goes with him to art museums pls he’d be super excited and cute and tell them everything about high renaissance art and theories of design patterns

good influence, someone who will swat cigarettes out of his hands and keeps him working on his assignments when all he’d rather do is paint. they keep him in line, and although axel might whine a little at first, he really values their friendship and them always looking after him. i’m thinking rebe/ander vibes from this season.

on the other hand, a bad influence, who might introduce him to different drugs, trip on acid with him as he paints, maybe causes him to spend his enormous trust fund on random shit.

tour guide, axel is good-natured and caring, and that doesn’t stop with the current cape coral students. even if some of his peers and his family might scorn him for being more open to them, he wouldn’t hesitate to show some of the new students around and show them the ropes. besides, he knows what it feels like to want to make a name for yourself.

former roommates (probably a cape coral student), who may or may not have been close. 

current roommates (probably also a cape coral student), who may or may not mind the fact that he’s been filling their apartment with enormous canvases, probably super super close friend to his, probably someone whose family probably is close to his, too. 

neighbors, there’s a lot of possibility here !! maybe they hated the way axel seemed to blare his speakers when he’s painting and tripping, they could be friends who storm each others’ rooms when they’re having bad days. his couch is practically a therapists’ couch at this point.

a critic, who pushes him to be a better artist. to dig deeper, to think further, to challenge himself and his abilities — which might be his downfall, considering he’s already diving into drug use.

his uh ……… first male hookup ??? this probably would have happened maybe like a year ago after him n giuliana broke up !!! he came out as bisexual in high school but had a long-term gf for a while so it would have been his first time rlly experimenting ya feel

on that note other hookups that he might have slept with during this ??? trying time

* MORE !

i’ve got a pinterest board here fjdklsf if u got this far and wanted to check it out ! pls pls plot w me i want all the plots *grabby hands* feel free to msg me on discord or here on ims !!!

[jsyndra]

So I've been meaning to write up K-POP AU headcanons all day to keep things more current in that AU, but constantly got interrupted. Anyway, here I am, giving you HCs on this AU for Syndra because my old post is gone / I have not touched on my story for this AU in like... a year.

- This AU is heavily inspired by Syndra's FC, Lee Sunmi. Thusly you'll see some parallels in Sunmi and Syndra, as well, I consider Sunmi's music just to be... What Syndra performs in this AU, like those are "her songs" since obviously Syndra can't be a super popular kpopstar in this verse and not have any music.

- Syndra was born in South Korea to a well off family, but her dad got sick and died when she was fairly young. Her mother, brother, and herself had some stability issues after he passed away and that frustration from her mom from her father's passing was often taken out on her rather than her brother.

- Syndra learned she liked music from a young age and had a talent for it, she took to it a lot more after her dad died and things were rough at home. It was an escape and way to cope, but her mother wasn't a huge fan of her interests in it. Her mother supported her for a bit, but began to crack down more when Syndra spent more time interested in a music career than becoming a possible successor to her father.

- Syndra was a very smart child, and her brother always lacked in comparison which is why her mother was interested in Syndra using that intelligence towards business like her father. Syndra refused this and decided to pursue her passions instead, especially when dealing with an abusive mother / brother who bullied her due to insecurities.

- Syndra left home when she was young, living from pay cheque to pay cheque / couch surfing for a bit. She eventually was discovered and joined a k-pop group called DFG (hehe), with two other girls.

- The group went very well for awhile and Syndra began to become quite famous, but it became more prominent with each passing single that Syndra stuck out more than the other two. She stayed out of loyalty to her then girlfriend who was in the group, but departed once she found out she was being cheated on (this being due to her then girlfriend being jealous of the fame Syndra gained compared to her, leading the two into a very toxic relationship for a couple years).

- Syndra did not fuck around when leaving the group and immediately became a solo artist, releasing several singles and albums right away. Her main priority being her music and only her music, she gained much more fame and very quickly. She is renowned as one of the best and brightest k-popstars, and celebrities in general. She even dabbles in other genres besides pop / kpop now and again, and does worldwide tours for her fans elsewhere in the world.