#and because of many factors no one can just be like

[nonaltercdd]

For being a dissociative disorder the CDDs are the ones who I see less of dissociative symptoms be talked about in the community

So I thought, why not make a post about some of the dissociative symptoms the CDD has!!

Depersonalization: Depersonalization is one of the big levels of dissociation that, in certain cases, can be categorized as a disorder in company of derealization. Depersonalization can present in various forms, but as general definition it's when someone it's so dissociated from themselves that they don't feel connected to their body or sense of self, just like you were external to yourself

Derealization: Derealization is one of the big leves of dissociation that, in certain cases, can be categorized as a disorder in company of depersonalization. Derealization can present in various forms, but as genera definition it's when you feel strange, fake, unreal and distorted your reality and all the things surrounding you.

Depersonalization and derealization tent to come hand in hand and sometimes together, this is most common between systems and it can overlap with a lot of other things making the experience more unique and worst for the pwCDD

"Autopilot" mode: Autopilot is a state of being in which your body reacts to what is needed and, like the name suggest, in an autopilot mode, is not necessarily a depersonalization mode cause it can come from more light dissociation, and sometimes you don't even feel it or realizate it happens (when depersonalization tend to be a semi-conscious and aware state), even though it can come hand in hand is not always like that

Crisis identity: Alters aside, being pwCDD can give you a lot of crisis identity, and when it comes to dissociative part is one you feel some kind of blurriness, disconnection, confusion and lost about you, can be because of many factors and can lead to severe impact in your personal view to the point of not being sure if you're you and questioning a lot of things about you, this kind of dissociative behavior can overlap with many factors which makes it worse

Emotional amnesia: Emotional amnesia is an specific kind of dissociative amnesia characterized by remembering the facts and/or events but feeling emotionally disconnected to that, not feeling or remembering the feelings regarding that memorie/event, and the sense of third person regarding the event, is being emotionally separated

Blackout amnesia: Blackout amnesia is one of the most named kinds of amnesia a pwCDD will experience, though is less common than emotional amnesia, the blackout amnesia is characterized by forgetting all about what you experienced, counting emotion and memory

Dissociative amnesia: Dissociative amnesia is a very big spectrum, this is why it's a diagnosis/disorder by its own. But for being general dissociative amnesia is when you dissociate things about yourself, this can be memories, important information, daily life, etc, to a point you end up forgetting that information

Flashback: Did you know that flashbacks are a dissociative response to trauma? You didn't? Now you know! Flashbacks are a way in which your brain dissociates from reality to relive a memory or experience you previously have, in this connotation, a traumatic experience

"Non-pain" mode: Sometimes even hurting yourself (accident or not) you can't feel the pain of that, it's like that physical damage isn't yours, this is a kind of dissociation more connected to how the brain is connected to your body and the sense of physical pain. SO sometimes your brain, aiming to protect you, dissociates from the physical pain to be "safe"

Denial: In some cases denial can be a dissociative response as a way for keeping you away from understanding and knowing you have certain trauma and passed trough certain experience. When you deny having or passing through something you tend to dissociate the memory and sometimes to the reality as a way to try keep yourself safe

Daydreaming: Daydreaming is a dissociative coping mechanism and sometimes it can come to the point of being maladaptive and dangerous for yourself. Daydreaming is a way in which trough dissociation your brain makes up a new "reality" in hopes to scape the real life and reality

Emotional disruption: Did you know that if you feel sad and then you stop being sad is dissociation? One of the dissociative ways of coping with a stressful and heavy emotion is "turning off" your emotions, or in the other hand, feeling like the past emotion was replaced by another one, it's important to note that this mood change is without any apparent explanation and you cannot return to the previous emotion cause you know feel detached to it, like isn't yours anymore. In the other hand you can be ok and a new emotion comes up to you, you feel detached to this emotion and don't have any idea where it come from and why are you feeling it, but you do, and it doesn't feels yours

Skill variation: Having in one moment one skill and in the other don't, having different skill abilities in which one time you can be good and other not that good, and all the variations within the ability to do certain skill (can be any skill, like writing, talking, moving, drawing, etc.)

"Emotionless" state: The emotionless state is when, for one or another reason, you feel empty, null, like you lack any kind of emotions, like there's a void in whee your emotions should be, this emotional dissociation can happen for many reason and in company of other symptoms, though sometimes one doesn't notice it because of this emotionless state

This are some of the dissociative symptoms I can recall at the moment, maybe there are more that I didn't put here and you want to add in comments/reblogs or you can ask me to add them to this list

Well some of this symptoms can overlap with the alter part of the disorder they're not 100% attached to them and it's important to recognize this as very prominent symptoms of the disorder, after all this is a dissociative disorder, isn't it?

If you want to add more to this or ask a question go ahead, we'll see it 100% sure!!

[creatingblackcharacters]

Hi there! Hope this is the right place to ask this. Something I've been thinking about is how best to handle something like the bodyswap trope when race is a factor, in terms of how such a plotline would be written/address that factor. I was thinking about what it would be like for my OCs (who are both good friends, one white, one Black, and they're both guys) if they had to live each other's lives for a little bit in a bodyswap situation. But I'm also just curious for any thoughts you might have on the trope in general and how it might be applied across a broad range of contexts.

Race would be, of course, just one of many factors depending on the characters involved and their specific circumstances.

This is not for a specific story I'm writing, more just me thinking casually about various scenarios my OCs might potentially be in, this just being one of them.

Regarding the specifics of my OCs' situations... I had been focusing on the other aspects of their circumstances apart from race, when I realised something: my white OC would react badly (much more than my Black OC) to the bodyswap for reasons unrelated to race (he would react very badly to absolutely any kind of bodyswap with anyone), but I think it would be reasonable for my Black OC to suspect that racism may be a larger factor in my white OC's reaction than it actually is. They've been good friends for quite some time, they treat each other with respect, but people can still have dormant and unexamined racism (and my white OC isn't any kind of perfect paragon when it comes to race, it would just be realistic for him to be imperfect on the subject too). I think it would be reasonable for my Black OC to be a bit upset at the potential implications of his friend's reaction and try to call him out on it. But... I'm not sure how I would best approach something like that (like, it doesn't need to be a huge deal, it can be brought up, addressed, and moved on from) or whether I should even be attempting to approach something like that. But I guess, if there were a story involving this, I do wonder how it could/should be handled.

My white OC wouldn't be offended if they were called on potential racist motivations for their (over)reaction to a bodyswap, more just taken by surprise and awkward, since as far as they're consciously aware it wasn't about race.

There are more factors involved/more information I could provide, but this is already quite long, and I'm not sure if it's something you'd be interested in commenting on at all or getting into in the first place. There is another element at play that adds important context, and I could send another (much shorter) ask detailing it, but if it's not really something you're interested in getting into that much, if at all, then that's all good. Thank you, really appreciate your blog. <3

I had to think about this one for a bit, bc it made me uncomfortable. Not you, but the scenario itself. I'm gonna try my best to explain why.

So first, I'm sure you've seen Get Out ? Or at least heard of it? You sound worried about your white character "being more upset" with the switch, and I wanna know what he's going through bc frankly I'm far more horrified for your Black one 😅 now I'm assuming this scenario isn't as... horror movie as Get Out , but what you gotta understand is that some white person simply white-personing in my Black body could at worse get me killed. There's an entire other set of societal rules that I have to play by, that someone white in my physical body simply would not be able to do upon the switch without prior awareness and practice. The thought truly like... upsets me 😭 So it's definitely important that they have that conversation!! It is not in any way shape or form dismissible!

That segues into my next point, which is: how good/safe is their friendship really, if they've never had a discussion about race? Because you say they were never consciously aware of it being about it. I've asked this question before and upset a few people, but it really is worth asking yourselves. How many of your Black peers have actually had deeper conversations about this topic with you- have they brought it up, what about, how was your response? Because if your characters haven't discussed race after "quite some time" of friendship, there's always been a certain barrier between them. A line that they didn't cross. So if they haven't had that conversation before, it's damn sure gonna come up during a body switch with a white person, and they would see a more honest, direct side of their Black peer that they've not seen.

You said that they'd accept the feedback, so... Idk. I don't know how to describe to you in life "what would be said", so much as that if it goes well and not defensively, your relationship is now more trustworthy bc we recognize you See Us, you See the difference in how our existences are affected despite our shared interests and space. I feel far safer around a white friend I can openly discuss race with. So if you want to make this conversation "easier", they need to already have that level of relationship. The white character can't be "shocked" that the Black character pointed something out to him, the Black character shouldn't have to quietly suspect- they should be close enough to say "hey dude, it looks like you're being racist".

Like unless this occurrence is happening in a universe where race "doesn't matter", it's going to matter EXTREMELY. Even if they're young and don't quite have the language, the world around them will react to their behavior. it might even be worth a plotline in and of itself, a challenge to their relationship bc if you can't even take care of my Black body, if you think you're gonna put me in danger... Nah. That's violating.

This might have been a lot, it's just the question got me thinking. I hope it helped.

[proudproship]

A personal gripe I have about the modern creepypasta fanbase...

I don't like the stories. I don't like the constant over-complicating things until it's not fun. I don't like trying to "solve" the mysteries.

When you solve a mystery, it's no longer a mystery. And for like, 99% of creepypastas, the scary part of it is how it's a mystery.

The backrooms was scary because nobody knew what the heck it was. Creepy place that doesn't seem to exist IRL? Spooky!

...Until people tried to add "layers" and "floors" and oddly-well-documented entities... and even finding the place IRL???

First off, if it's so unknown, how, lore-wise, are the entities so documented? Yeah, I get it, people fall through and if they have a camera they can catch it on film. But, iirc in the original telling, a human couldn't survive past that initial room, right?

The story, how I remember it, was that the first room you ever see. That yellow room, the buzzing lights, no furniture. You'd lose your mind and eventually pass from dehydration or hunger, right?

Also, in that case, how would the camera footage be retrieved? Plus, if it existed in a separate reality supposedly, no livestreams would be possible, and I highly doubt radio would work.

I appreciate that people want to add their own story to these things, but can we not act like ONE TELLING is the TRUE story? It's just a spooky image online; not a franchise with an indisputable canon.

The fear of the unknown is more common than you'd think. That's why the backrooms, and many other creepypastas, worked! Taking that unknown-factor away is going to, well, make it not work.

With creepypasta, and a lot of media imo, canon is SUBJECTIVE. It's all just one big urban legend that shares a common aspect, usually an image, sound, name, or location.

If you want creepy stories that have (semi-)concrete facts made by the publisher, go check out The SCP Foundation. I heard they're hiring!

[gowns]

from time to time i think about how people used to ask me for advice on this blog... i was young and still figuring things out, and i thought it was funny that people asked me for advice. but it's like: you open a conduit one way, and more things start flowing that way. so the asks kept coming in. people are very mimetic.

i feel Older and Wiser now, and might be able to give better advice, but more of my writing is private, my blogging more sporadic... (i am still an external processor in many ways, but at least i have close deep friendships, and i can process with them instead of on a blog.)

there came a point when people started to get weird with me -- the asks got more invasive, spiky, cagey. so i had to close down my inbox

it's open again, but maybe i've done a good job with setting boundaries with strangers, hahaha. there's no pile of messages waiting for me. tbh, i feel like most of the quandaries i used to get, now people could just make a throwaway account on reddit and make a post there. polling a large group of people seems to make more sense than just asking one writer; trying to account for subjectivity and the multiplicity of human behavior and thought...

--

outside of my own experience, i have thought a lot about the concept of "asking for advice"; the concept of "externally processing" (via blogging, therapy, talking to friends, publishing writing, etc etc); the more codified concept of an "advice column" and the wise "advice columnist." the advice column is kinda old-school at this point, and most of them today seem to exist as clickbait to drive people to the comment section, where everyone can put in their two cents on the letter writer and the competency of the advice-giver.

polling the audience. that's a modern thing, too -- quite recent that we could all conduct polls. like, legit, easy polls. when you want to find out people's opinions, and they'll easily give it to you if they don't have to talk or type, they just hit a button. hit this button if you like this food. hit this button if i'm right. if i'm not right, explain.

it's quick and to the point...

--

in "a field guide to getting lost," rebecca solnit brings up an interesting fact that people didn't used to get as lost as people get today. like, there's a lot more search and rescue expeditions today than there used to be. outside of population growth and etc, she said it's likely because of a few factors: people used to be more aware of their surroundings, and their schedules weren't as packed, so they had a slower pace of doing things. people could meander. they weren't worried, they'd find their way home eventually (and in the meantime, they knew more about the flora and fauna, what to eat, and so on). people who get lost today tend to freak out and get themselves more lost, or into more dangerous situations.

thinking about that in relation to the way that people relate to each other and communicate today... the idea of writing someone a letter for advice and waiting a few weeks to hear a response sounds useless. everyone needs an immediate response to everything.

on one hand, it's neat that i can get an immediate response to almost any query i have -- google, wikipedia, polling the audience, texting friends. I Am a Conduit for Information

on the other hand, if the immediate response is incorrect... or only a partial response... or nothing comes up... i tend to feel like a broken computer. come on! obtain the information! complete the task!

and there are many things which will not be easily answered and processed right away. there are a lot of things you have to sit and chew on. hold in your pocket for a while.

this is very frustrating

i just want the answers

--

ask / answer ask / answer ask / answer

answer a person's question, and they will be satisfied for only a moment. teach them how to ask and answer their own questions... and they will likely never be satisfied, but hey, it's good practice

we have to get lost and meander

[sisaloofafump]

MOST POPULAR NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE SONGS

While we wait for the soundtrack to arrive on Spotify/Bandcamp, etc, we can still see the listening stats for those uploaded on Youtube, specifically the Original Cast Recordings (OCR) and the Live Recordings (Live).

As a whole, the OCR playlist is more popular, with a median of 256k views per song and 3.4k likes, but those high views come with a like:view ratio of .006.

The Live playlist is visited more for one off songs, and likely not listened to all the way through. It has a median of 26k views, 500 likes, but a like:view ration of 0.018 (3x higher than the OCR).

Obviously we can see some clear winners here: Nerdy Prudes Must Die, The Summoning, Dirty Dudes Must Die, Hatchet Town, as well as High School is Killing Me and Literal Monster, which have the added benefit of being the first songs in the show. Hatchet Town is an interesting case by having medium-low views & likes, but a high like:view ratio—not many listen, but those who do? They love it (or at the very least are pay apt attention).

If we want to combine all these factors, we get something like this, which can get a good overview, but is chaotic to look and and doesn't convey the nuances of each song across the categories.

So let's instead look at the rank of the songs! Because these graphs are very fun but take hours to make.

Here, we can see their movements a little clearer.

-----

Anyway, that's it from me! Nerdy Prudes Must Die's most popular song is Nerdy Prudes Must Die (very fitting).

Although it is very funny to me that it's mostly just the 3rd act of the song that is listened to

[salvadorbonaparte]

Would you mind sharing your views on backpacking? 👀

Take all of this with a grain of salt because I'm mostly just bothered by backpacking content on Instagram.

I think the concept is fine. I'd actually like to do some backpacking some time.

But backpacking content, as well as most overland* content, always has a really weird vibe. It almost feels like cosplaying poverty if you know what I mean??

It's almost always young people from the so called "West" and almost always they're somewhere in South or Southeast Asia. The most popular backpacking destinations I'm seeing at the moment are Bali (exclusively that part of Indonesia for some reason), Thailand, Vietnam and Sri Lanka. The algorithm has recently also started showing me content from Pakistan, India and Afghanistan.

Since flights to these destinations are usually quite expensive, and many of these people stay abroad long enough that they might need a visa and that accommodation and food would also add up, it can be safely assumed these people have a certain amount of financial stability. Some of them are full time influencers too.

And while travelling with a backpack instead of a suitcase makes sense, and while you want to have an "authentic" experience, the vibe on those videos is often sooooo weird.

They're always like "I just spent 45h standing in a cramped bus without AC because it was only $1. I'm sleeping on the floor of this abandoned building that costs me $4 a night. I only carry 2 t-shirts with me, can't find a laundromat and I'm travelling for 3 months. Yesterday I got scammed and got food poisoning."

And I'm like why are you doing this? Is it really more "authentic" just because it's a foreign country? You can find the same uncomfortable situations and people who live like that all the time in your home country, but when you're abroad it's cool and authentic and #humbling #eatpraylove. Meanwhile there's also people in that same country you're backpacking through who, like, have a comparable standard of living you're used to. Your holiday doesn't have to be luxury resorts but it also doesn't have to be absolutely god awful.

And of course there's also the factor of adrenaline and stepping out of your comfort zone but with these videos it seems like they're almost glamorising having an awful time in an "exotic" country because that's what it's supposed to be like? I guess?

Idk I feel like I should get the opinion of someone living in one of those backpacking hotspots to make sure I'm not just getting annoyed at nothing but I think the vibe is off.

*overland content as in "travelling from XY to YZ without flying - Day 420" type videos. They're often interesting and I follow some of those people and I actually have some ideas for cool overland or long distance train trips but some of the accounts also have a weird vibe. Most of the ones I saw were men and they're like hitchhiking through some desert somewhere and I'm like oh this would feel so unsafe to me as someone perceived female. And obviously they also make lots of content where you know they have lots money because they've been travelling for several months but it has that same fake low budget backpacker vibe.

I hope this makes sense. I'm not sure it does.

[h0neyfreak]

***

[flythesail]

Over a month after Nancy Drew s4 I'd say my opinion is still largely the same. Not my favorite season, but I enjoyed most of it. Like I wish they did something different with the black door and the sin Nancy erased, but I can also see why they wanted to go that route and how it lines up with the show's themes. Is it effective? Eh, I think the payoff could have been better. The unfortunate thing is that regardless of whether or not it was the final season, trying to fit that into a handful of episodes would always be hard. But at least if it wasn't the final season, they could have addressed it more going forward rather than wrap it up all at once. Plus, it's just never going to sit well with me introducing Alice to kill her. There's just better ways they could have gone about that mystery. All this is going on as Bess is committed to proving the good and necessity of the supernatural too. I can do my own analysis there. Yet if they had more episodes, maybe these two storylines could have intersected on screen.

Overall though, what I have to keep coming back to is how different it would feel if this was just another chapter in the story rather than the ending. I wanted more nace and I wanted more scenes with the drew crew this season. Ace missing out on the cake fight is ESPECIALLY disappointing because I'm always going to want the characters over plot. That's not what happened. Yet if there were two or three or even one more season to come, there would still be time to fill in the gaps that s4 left.

[sysig]

Getting closer, getting really close now I swear (Patreon)

[dykedvonte]

If Ulysses has a million haters, then I'm one of them. If Ulysses has one hater, then I'm THAT ONE. If Ulysses has no haters, that means I'm dead. If the world is with Ulysses than I’m against the world.

[ravenwolfie97]

all pokemon games are good but they are not all equally as good

send post

[lionblaze03-2]

idk about anyone else but for me /personally/ assigning any of the wof dragon tribes a single equivalent human culture or accent feels kind of weird or off. Unless you’re like. Specifically from that culture and know what you’re interpreting

like sure the ‘nightwings are British because they’re voiced that way in the audiobooks’ is funny at first but I once saw a post break down the accents by tribe and assign sandwings a Nigerian accent. Which IMMEDIATELY makes the fact that they’re commonly rogues and thieves in the story not a fun cowboy thing but a vaguely racist thing suggesting that all Nigerian people scam and steal, which. Given the ‘Nigerian prince’ thing is already a stereotype, well…-

and it definitely isn’t JUST that, I’m not trying to call a single person out. But these kind of 1-1 correlations lead to results like this 9/10 times and it just feels strange. Just mix stuff together. Mash ideas from different places into one. Don’t make the dragons a 1-1 parallel to a specific human culture because then any story you tell that may connect to a stereotype of that culture will come off really, really bad

[katyspersonal]

Hey there, do you have an opinion or idea as to why Maria wears masculine clothes?

Oh well! The thing is, I have SEVERAL ideas, yet I haven't picked the "official" one yet. This is a reoccurring problem with me writin because 'just choosing what I like' doesn't work all that well, since my liking is based on the logic and other things, but... This is Bloodborne, soooo. :)

Regardless of the idea, there are two factors that cannot be neglected and should be considered in any:

1: Maria's Hunter attire is fashioned after male version of Cainhurst Knight clothes! Their clothes have male and female variant, and hers repeats the male variant, so she does present masculine as a Hunter.

2: Gehrman CARED about Maria. No objectification or being a creep on her (mmm what a day to THANK a certain localization team for making it hard... /s), he felt so warm towards her that the feeling alone made Doll cry tears of joy!

So, here are some possible explanations as to why as a Hunter Maria is dressed masculine, but Doll is wearing a dress!

1) Maria's clothes aren't even 'masculine'.

Basically? There is a possibility that she wasn't inspired by the Knights, but rather the Knights were inspired by her! I think that before Gehrman introduced new hunter practices and ways to craft weapons, they were warriors in that heavy golden armour with shields and big swords/spears, that proven to be very ineffective against agile beasts:

So maybe Maria was the first to adopt new ways of fighting, with lighter clothes and different weapon, and the first Knights had more or less modest clothes? The red Knight clothes elaborate with jewellery we are seeing now could be the latest developed style, and it were specifically the women in Cainhurst that developed a more pomp and pretty style on their own! Men were alright styling their clothes after hers just fancier!

2) Gehrman did not take femininity seriously, and regretted it a lot.

Maria idealised Gehrman pretty much (and Japanese original even uses a word that could be interpreted as a crush for her senpai, hahah)! So maybe he on the contrary was someone not thinking someone looking all cute and feminine could be a good fighter (the whole "don't break your nail, princess" stuff you know). And as result, Maria was trying to appear more masculine to impress him, and Doll reflects the part of her, or even 'former self' that he unintentionally took away from her due to having too much (bad) influence on her. He had very intense warmth and care put into both creating Doll's clothes and caring for Maria's hair ornament, and wished that the Doll would feel the "gentle encouragement", however that did not happen (until we DO give her the hair ornament). For me, it very obviously reads as his desperation to bring back that... cute, sweet girl looking at him all starry-eyed and loving him, as if none of this happened - not her becoming cruel hunter, not her becoming disappointed in herself AND him, not her dying...

This is from retranslation document ( x ). You can probably remember that Fishing Hamlet priest curses Byrgenwerth, and Gehrman does mention Willem in his sleepy call to free him? I interpret it as Maria not only regretting Hamlet massacre, but also not being aware of its true purpose... For all we know, it could have been Gehrman who stole OoK for Willem hoping Maria wasn't looking at him rummaging through a dead sea mom :') So there is a big chance that she did actually get disappointed in him a lot!

So what does it have to do with the dress and cute bonnet? Well, maybe that was her style, at least outside of the hunt, and Gehrman clings to what she was like before he led her on the bad path with the hunt and murder. Japanese media likes themes of 'woman tries to appear masculine in male-dominated field to be taken more seriously' for some reason! Here I think her idealising him was the more big factor, though.

3) She simply presents both masculine and feminine, depending. No bigger story about it.

I talked about it a bit more in this reblog ( x ), but TLDR; I personally concluded female Knights were relying way more on blood magic, whereas male Knights relied more on skill and/or regular force! Sort of both genetical and traditional dispersion created by years of practices dating back in matriarchial Pthumery Ihyll! And, you know...

Cainhurst also appears to be skewed in regards to genders (basically Girls Better TM), and I can see Maria developing her own perception of gender roles given she grew in such environment! As result, she could identify as warrior more with masculine idea of them she internalised - warriors relying less on blood, plus not flexing any superiority. But mostly blood. But as a civilian, she could be fully comfortable with her feminine side!

So you have this person of different facets, placing different values and personal experiences in different roles she performs in life! So essentially Gehrman did... nothing extraordinary? He simply represented the 'civil' side of her, not the 'warrior' side of her! Makes sense since she discarded her weapons and likely never wanted to be associated with the hunt ever again for the rest of her life (that didn't last long... oof...).

4) Her image was distorted but for men in GENERAL, not for Gehrman.

This idea, I kid you NOT, I literally only discovered today, and only after seeing this ask. Hmmm, well, what can I say...?

dshdsffd No no no but hear me out!!!

Since we find Hunter's Bone item (that is Maria's) on the grave (that is Maria's), AND Doll in "real" version of abandoned Hunter's Workshop from which Hunter's Dream originated, we can conclude Doll was created before the Dream.

So what if... the look of the Doll was not taylored for Gehrman's preference for a "cute housewife", but with the image of what hunters would want in mind? I'd expect majority of hunters expected to join and leave the Dream being just... you know, typical aged, jaded, tortured het cis men. And what would be the most comforting and soothing thing to return to from sights of blood and hunt and pain for an average hetero male? Well, most likely, actually a house-wiveish woman willing to listen to them and to comfort them! After all, Doll is there for 'you hunters', not for Gehrman specifically.

For all we know, it could have been Laurence's idea to fashion (or REfashion) the Doll like this to begin with, and Gehrman just went 'as you say King' because he has no balls fdhhdsf The point is! It is very possible they were preparing how the Dream will operate in advance. I mean, even in Byrgenwerth there is a note about Laurence and his Moon Presence... So the Doll could have been made with this in mind.

This option is a hard one to keep together because it opens SUB-options! Gehrman was feeling strong focus creating Doll's clothes, but also warmth. Not guilt or something. So was Doll originally dressed up more masculine (albeit not like a hunter) but then redesigned (it would HAVE to be Laurence and I will DIE on this hill)? Was Doll created for the Dream to BEGIN with? And in that case - could it been that Gehrman had a 'confirmation' that Maria would be okay with being of service even after death? I could absolutely picture Laurence lying to Gehrman - something something he was still communicating with her before her su1cide, something something she wanted him to know she'd be happy to be of service even in death no matter what she'd have to wear, something something she hated what SHE did, not hunters as a concept thus she'd gladly soothe them and her presentation is a very small price for this...

...Or, well, maybe we could spare poor Laurence being a manipulator just once and say that Maria actually felt this way and there was a solid base she'd love to help and in the end hated herself but not Gehrman. I can see her as someone being willing to comfort and even sacrifice rather than insist on teaching some simple minded male hunters the importance of gender non-conformity, ahaha. She has gentle and caring side, and patients wanted to hold her hand within the horrors they were facing.

Possibly could be supported by this detail - maybe this picture featured herself and Gehrman (and third person?) and she took it to remember him as she just wanted to stay in Clocktower for good?

_______

Sooooo yeah. Honestly, all my ideas stand on the fact that FromSoft are not some inconsistent writers that would make mistakes! They do not hit me as people that would write a sad old man that cared about his student so deeply (albeit too late)... only to imply he did not even respect her masculinity and got absorbed in the dreams of her being his housewife. And... yeahhhhh... He never mentions Maria. He seems to be way more focused on Laurence, especially in cut dialogue, actually...

I am personally more biased towards 2nd option, as it reveals the full drama potential! However? 4th is also surprisingly good. Won't lie, if fandoms were organised spaces with several defined groups and there were Fandom Councils tasked to come up with diplomatic solutions to satisfy every side, 4th option would've been the best compromise. It leaves Gehrman's fans happy, it leaves people who prefer GNC Maria happy, it still allows certain type of fans to have their "man bad woman good" fix but now at the expense of abstract unprogressive victorian men rather than the well-written loveable characters, it clicks with both Gehrmaria and Gehrmaurence, it just... doesn't miss anything. Like, this is THE solution that is respectful to all characters AND all wishes.

Honestly, only today I questioned whether I've been exaggerating Gehrman's grief and depth of the feelings all along because... well, he is clearly more interested in Laurence. xD If anything, if his intend was to create an "ideal partner", how much you wanna bet he'd create ideal HUSBAND instead? x)

At this rate I am just waiting where the balance will shift - 2nd or 4th. Not trying to downvote other two, especially since 3rd can be utilised to back 4th up as to explain how Maria could've formed masculine leaning! And 4th is tempting because it can make Gehrman just a liiiiitle less guilty... I know it isn't like me to want to spare the character from the angst, but now that I think of it, if he had SUCH a regret - he'd mentioned Maria at least once? So 4th is more reasonable as to explain that his loss was more quiet and bitter, still with the 'he ruined her' hunch but with way less resentment and guilt evenly dispersed between Gehrman and Maria rather than severely shifted on his side. But 2nd option is... it is SO sad? It is soooo sad. >:3

[butchladymaria]

ok but seriously. i know “doll as a mourning doll” is a popular interpretation but i spent hours hunting for credible sources on the subject and the longer you spend actually understanding what a mourning doll was, the less sense that claim makes. mourning dolls were:

1. made for infants and very small children and made/commissioned by their parents. it was not something people did for any deceased loved one. if an older child died, there were other methods by which to memorialize them — some of the more “extreme” by modern standards being post-mortem photography with the corpse and mourning hair art.

2. they were more like sculptures than dolls — made of wax due to the rise in wax sculpture as used for medical purposes. some were weighted to help a mourning parent, but that is as far as it goes based on the actual historical evidence. they weren’t articulated, as the doll is.

3. mourning dolls are the product of an entire complex cultural landscape with very specific attitudes towards children. as a result, mourning dolls are very much bound up in those attitudes. even if the previous inconsistencies don’t deter the equivalency, i think a lot of people make it without actually realizing the full weight of what they are implying about the doll, maria, and gerhman.

tl;dr i am begging people to please please please understand what things are in context before making that kind of false equivalency because i know for a fact some of yall do not mean to imply that gerhman viewed maria the way the victorians viewed literal infants

[what-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me]

I forgot how much I enjoy the unrequited emotions trope

[francisforever2014]

i hate the term “female friendship” like it annoys me