#and she feels like a terrible mother for not being able to do it herself

[spirk-trek]

imagine amanda watching how mothers on vulcan share a telepathic bond with their children and not being able to do this for spock

imagine how it would break her heart, how she might worry they'll never connect when she sees a mother touching her daughter's face or holding her son's hand with purpose, without words

imagine spock melding with her as soon as he's able, showing her he loves her because he can't say it, he'll never be able to say it

imagine her being so proud of her little boy for researching and teaching himself to meld with a non-telepath just for her, all for her

holding him after when he's so exhausted he goes boneless in her arms and she strokes his hair and thanks him

and he mumbles something about it being illogical to thank him before falling asleep and she holds his little hand and feels the tiniest sparks of love still there, so small she might've imagined them before he's snoring softly

[quillheel]

❁ ( towards any of your zelda muses − hylia and the three godesses, mainly, but also botw & totk link / zelda / ganondorf if you feel compelled...!! )

Send me a ❁ for the type of flower my muse would give to yours // Accepting!

Hylia's answer comes, sharp and slow like a blade pulled uncutting against thought, a cool not-metal against the inner heat of mind. ━ the same as sky, not in the way of wind but in the way of open space, of nothing at all, of atmosphere pressing in from out against your throat. Almost frozen, almost frigid, but without the effort in coldness, in willful ignoring, of brushing one off : cold as in cold is the absence of heat. No, Iroha receives an answer. Stale pollen and bright, blinding knowledge. ━━━ she was not made to create the way the Goddesses were, and yet, the flowers bloom at their feet regardless : perhaps they should consider themselves special.

━ bachelor button, hydrangea, bittersweet, lavender heather, white poppy, blue violet, mixed yellow & red zinnia, white hyacinth, rose leaf, & buried beneath the rest; spider flower. ( 'You are not of my domain, I am indifferent to you. However, I respect your devotion. I sympathize, perhaps, with your situation. One day, perhaps, there will something other for you. One day, perhaps, you will make one.' )

the Goddesses' response is a ancient one. months hung above the stratosphere, dangling, dangling, waiting to be lowered. Months upon months upon months, the flower of the seasons dripping into the horizon in a haze of days and nights and days again: They were intricate, and slow, and often unknowable at all. how patient, you are, for Them. How kind, to wait, for Them. They reward Iroha with answer in time, in the humid shivering haze of early morning, a wave of such love of all Iroha does, of the endless sorrow They beheld upon their duty, arriving like quartz lining their throat ━ blooms growing from 'pon their fingertips, 'cross their knuckles. a gift, a gift, how merry to be known & seen, how terrifying by They to listen & answer in turn ━ how horrible, horrible to think you had been forgotten...

━ bachelor button, maidenhair fern, red carnation, dead leaf, purple hyacinth, dark crimson rose, pine, acorn, fern, fir, white heather, iris, lily of the valley, tea rose, palm leaf. ( 'We love you, We are sorry, your faith is not unseen by Us, for This to be your undertaking, borne as chains & key. Such is Our terrible, terrible doing. Such is Our apology. We hope, perhaps, one day the selves can exist without the other or in one without smothering, smothering light. We hope, perhaps, one day you are allowed to live; a role unshackled, unlocking Thy own binds. Chains & key. Chains & key. Freedom unmade for you, and yet, still hoping to grasp it.' )

Link & Zelda come as though offering memorial, bundles of blooms and sprigs tucked in their arms as they hurry past stream and grove ( "watch your feet, 'stream made the ground soft" "ah, thank you, I believe I'll be alright-!" ) to find the place where the Blupees haunched on hind legs and watched them with startling, ruby eyes. The one Link had gone before, a familiar forest in the heavy overhang of branches & leaves. a bowl is filled with fruit steadily throughout the day beneath a great cherry tree, pink petals like silk beneath the sun. a final act of care comes as sunset threatens to burn the sky alive when, on a brief journey back to a stable for a briefer meal, they're caught in a fleeting conversation of flora & the hearts beneath their stalks ( "Oh, you're going all the way up to Satori mountain? Hey, if you're going through all the effort, I've heard people bring flowers up there sometimes, you know, offerings and the like. Some people bring flowers, symbolizing what the 'Lord of the Mountain' protector means to them. Maybe it'd be worth your time?" ) ( "That sound's like a nice idea, I think!" "I think so, yes, but what would I even bring...?" ) ━━━ they in bundles, at last, arrive. Hurried up, past the stream, to find the tree again. Zelda hesitates, an offering of silent princess clasped between delicate fingers ━ "Would it be considered disrespectful to place it at the dish...? Maybe I shouldn't..." ━ before Link, calloused hands delicate, maneuver their hands to set it down along the rest, petals bright; bright in the clear sky.

━ bittersweet, bluebell, pink camellia, iris, cattleya orchid, magnolia, evening primrose, flax, rose leaf, forsythia, fern, lavender rose, bells of ireland, azalea, sweet pea, mixed zinnea. ( 'I think you're kind, and charming, and though I rarely see you, I hope you are well. I hope to change that fleetingness, if you'll let me? I think you might like Zelda, you might have more in common than you think.' / 'I've heard of you, but never seen you, all good things. I hope one day to meet, you seem good. Perhaps lonely. I might like you, if you gave me the chance, but I'd understand if you don't like me. I hope your future is a kind one, whatever kind of future it is. I don't know you well enough, even in stories, to tell.' )

Somewhere, there is a valley tucked neatly behind the ridges of hills, in the lowered groove 'twixt them where the land sinks ginger under the long grass and the wild flower of the knolls; as though gently swept down, as though the soft lowering of a stomach, ribs high against the soft tension of smooth skin in earth, as though the rounded edges of hands where the knuckles stood war-like as the gentle palm sinks; ball of the hand softer than the upper of the palm, the upper of the palm softer than the fingers, the fingers softer than the nails, the nails softer than the bones inside them all.

Somewhere, there is a valley of tender, shivering silver. plush moss lining the ground like bolster turned cloudy like rain, muted but beautiful in variation, white paint blending with greys in the fiber that wasn't fiber, the tissue that was. A place no one knew. a place one did. flowers split, forbearing as though shifting only between the folds, and reeds rose in the bed. A place that never died, flowers like chanting; the same message, 'hundred times over, 'thousand more. ━ Somewhere, you know this place. Somewhere, no one else knows at all. Somewhere, it tells you something. Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere...

━ lotus, cherry blossom, chrysanthemum. ( 'how much would it take to stop grieving yourself, and choose to live? how long?' )

[mysterycitrus]

Clearly you’ve got a lot of opinions abt the characterisations of the batfam in fandom /pos

Can you elaborate on your interpretation for all of them? /gen

it’s called caring too much — and it’s incurable! wrt my personal interpretation, that's a long and complicated answer, so ill just focus on the internal character of the waynes (specifically bruce and his five canonical kids).

bruce wayne is a control freak, we know this. his parents were killed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and he has literally never ever been able to truly process it. the degree to which he is controlling - firing robins, survelling his allies without their consent, compiling personal information from others, disregarding others feelings in favour of his own - is all about trying to achieve the best possible outcome. everything he does is justified, because if he's in control then he can stop bad things from happening. it is all in favour of the greater good. it's the logic of an eight year old who's just lost everything and hasn't grown up.

if bruce's trauma manifests control then dick's manifests personal perfectionism. he holds himself to such an absurd standard because he's a flier - when you're catching someone on the trapeze you quite literally have to be there, always, ready to take their hand. if you don't, they fall. if there's no net, if dick isn't the net, then they die. he’s always swinging back out and in again, waiting for the next person to slip through his fingers. he does not fear falling, only what will happen when he hits the ground. he’s a born performer made to be an atlas, carrying an unbearable weight that anchors him to the earth.

jason after death is a tragedy of his own creation, and dc's worst crime is trying to justify the terrible decisions he makes. jason isn’t right, because what he wants is not about protecting other kids from his fate or being a better batman. he wants to be personally vindicated, even though he knows it's impossible. jason rejected himself, bruce, everything, in order to transform into a weapon to enact violence. deep down he's so angry, so hurt, that he'll go after other children - tim, damian, mia - and still decry bruce in the same breath. killing the joker, killing bruce, killing dick, killing every robin before or since won't take him back to who he was before. you cannot go back. you can never go back.

cass sees everything. she can't unsee it, she can't ignore it, nothing in the body can be truly hidden from her, but like bruce that doesn't mean she's always right. she killed a man and witnessed his death, and thus will never take another life. she is all knowing, but she was not born knowing herself. she's jason in reverse — she turns from steel to flesh and bone. she will do whatever it takes to be good. she has made herself real.

tim chose this life in the most literal sense of the word, and then kept choosing it. it’s his duty, it’s his honour, it has hollowed him out and left nothing behind. his tethers to the world snap one by one — janet and jack and darla and dana and steph and kon — and suddenly it’s much harder to extricate himself from the black. robin, dick grayson, is his guiding north star, but his north star is only human. he knows he is capable, he knows this is his choice, and he knows he has long since lost the chance to unchoose.

damian is raised in the shadow of the bat. he is born of blood. he knew death before he knew his father. he is a child. he is ancient. he is a killer. he only wants to do good. he loves his mother. his father is gone before he learns to love damian. damian loves someone else who wears the bat but does not carry wayne name. everything he knows about himself is questioned — robin is given to him, and suddenly he can decide his own fate, make his own family. he wants to be the best, but he doesn’t know what he wants that to mean anymore. he wants the chance to find out.

[total-dxmure]

✦ MARLEY AND ME →【ELLIE WILLIAMS】→ CHAPTER ONE

pairing: modern!ellie williams x single mom!reader 

summary: you’re a single mom just doing the best that she can to make ends meet. ellie can’t help but think that you're the kindest, most beautiful girl that she’s ever met. compared to taking care a little girl that's in her terrible twos, coming to terms with the fact that you’re a lesbian is a walk in the park. awkward first encounters, ellie’s broken gay-dar, and her overwhelming urge to take care of the care-giver. . . the road to domesticity is a long one, but it’s well worth the pining that it takes to get there. 

warnings: hella SMUT! in future chapters, eventual substance use, no use of y/n (you have nicknames/petnames), the reader is marley’s biological mother, talk of coming to terms with ones sexuality, mention of a shitty baby daddy ( though there is no co-parenting between them), ellie is a total girl mom, lots and lots of fluff, ellie is an anxious dork in this fic, reader is broke but happy, ellie takes pride in being a provider, this is going to be a multi-part fic, ellie is an absolute simp for the reader since chapter one and will remain her #1 fan. 

⬶ previous chapter | next chapter ⤅

Ellie counts the tiny bite sized pieces that you cut the pancakes into. You’re meticulous about it, taking your time despite the impatient look on the little girl’s face. She also notices the fact that all the woman has ordered for herself is a cup of coffee. No cream, just sugar and caffeine.

The auburn haired girl, from across the restaurant, is trying not to be too obvious about her staring. She’s trying to find any wrinkles on your face that might clue her in about your age, but she finds none. Ellie decides that you couldn’t be too much older than she is, and if you are, it was only by a few years.

She walks back up to your table, noting that you still haven’t called her back over to order any food for yourself. Every once in a while she’ll watch as you bring your fingers up to your plush lips to lick off syrup. She watches your mouth intently as you speak, noticing the endearing way your lips pull up at the corners. You smile when you talk, no matter what Ellie says to you. The waitress decides that she likes that. She likes that a lot.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything? The food here is really great, I promise.” Ellie offers, already reaching down into her black apron so that she can scribble something down.

Your smile falters, the slight switch of emotion not going unnoticed. The baby across the seat tries to say something, but the young waitress can’t make any sense of it. It just sounds like babble to her. You, however, understand what the little girl is saying right away. You must be able to speak the ancient language of “toddler”.

“Those aren’t flowers, baby. They’re ferns. Can you say ‘fern’?” Your tone shifts ever so slightly, your eyes dazzling with pride.

It’s the way that you look at the little girl sitting in the highchair that makes Ellie weak in the knees. She’s never been the biggest fan of kids, but the tiny butterfly clips that were fastened in her hair and her great, big eyes nearly has Ellie falling to her knees. In fact- she does. She crouches down and holds out her right arm, assuming that the baby was trying to point out something about her tattoo.

Warm, sticky little hands reach out and brush against her skin. Ellie’s lips are twitching up into a wide smile before she can school her features back into neutrality. You’re too busy admiring Ellie now that she’s practically in your lap to notice your daughter getting all grabby. You try to tell yourself that you feel for the woman since she’s showing your daughter affection, but her green eyes and freckled nose has your heart pounding harder than you deem as healthy.

Your daughter tries to sound out the word, and as quickly as your gaze had been snagged by the gorgeous girl in front of you, it was on your daughter just as fast. Your eyes widen, chest swelling with pride.

“That’s it, Marley! Say it again, baby.”

Ellie looks up at you from where she’s crouching, and suddenly her fitted black shirt feels a little too tight. She feels as though she might just burst right out of it, her chest expanding to make room for her swelling heart. This entire time she had thought that the little girl had to be your baby sister, what with your young looking face and the wrinkled band t-shirt you were sporting, but now she understood that the girl was your daughter.

Quickly the woman searched your finger for a ring, not wanting to be drooling over a married woman, but didn’t see one. Whatever guilt had just struck was gone in the blink of an eye, like a flash of lightning. Ellie was often teased by her friends and co-workers about her bad luck with women. Any girl that she’d ever had a crush on in the past was either straight, disinterested, or already seeing someone.

She’d be lying if she said that she had ever been in a proper relationship. Most of it was just short lived pining, immediately followed by devastating disappointment.

Ellie can’t help but wonder how it might feel to be on the receiving end of those beautiful, pride filled eyes of yours. They were beaming with admiration, so much so that Ellie could feel the warmth of it from where she stood. You were like the sun, and the pull towards you was gravitational.

The restaurant was dead, aside from you and a few regulars that she saw on a weekly basis. She didn’t feel as guilty as she should have for neglecting the other customers.

“How old is she?” You watched as the woman stood up, stretching her athletically built body from side to side, her muscles tired from a long day spent on her feet. She noted the way you watched her, filing it away somewhere in her brain so that she could go home and properly go through the “gay checklist” before she made a fool of herself by hitting on you.

“Two,” You replied with a smile. You completely melted as far as your daughter was concerned. “It’s almost like I blinked and all of a sudden she was up walking and talking. Right now we’re learning our colors and shapes.” You shrugged, picking the fork back up so that you could feed her another piece of pancake.

The little girl, that Ellie now knows is named Marley, eagerly opened her mouth.

Your daughter was the kind of little girl that could easily be plastered all over magazines. She looked like a doll. Really, if you were standing far enough away, you could mistake her for one. Babies were usually drooly faces and loud screams, but not Marley. No, she was a perfectly mannered and happy baby. With big doe eyes that matched yours and a wide, tiny toothed smile.

“Well you and your boyfriend must be proud. She’s gorgeous.” She knew it was normal, polite even, for people to gush over babies. She wasn’t lying for the sake of being nice though. Marley really was perfect.

Ellie instantly shut her mouth, so hard that her teeth audibly clacked together when she noticed the way that you winced.

She felt like shit about it, but a small stab of hope pierced clean through her heart. She was in college, and pining after a woman with a kid probably wasn’t something that she should busy herself with, but she couldn’t pull herself away from you. A simple “ready for the bill” would have sufficed as far as conversations went, but she wanted to know about you.

Because really, you were hands down the most beautiful girl that Ellie had ever seen. Your perfection didn’t stop there though. You were nice, and not just in a conversational sense. You were radiant in the way that you spoke to others. The second that you had sat down, you’d cracked a joke with the elderly man two tables down. You probably felt bad about him sitting all by himself. She’d seen you smile at every single one of her coworkers that had walked past you. You even seemed upset to bother her and ask Ellie if she could put your daughter’s juice in a cup with a lid. And here you were, talking to the waitress like you had known her for years.

No one, not even Joel, could fault Ellie for being dangerously attracted to you. Maybe it was the fact that you had such a nurturing aura about you, but Ellie couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel to take care of you. She could tell by the light bags under your eyes, which you had skillfully tried to cover up with makeup, that you were a hard worker. Here you were, at a restaurant with a wide selection to choose from, only ordering food for your daughter. You were what Joel would call “a keeper”.

The inevitable moment of parting was coming though. Marley had devoured most of her flapjack, save for a few small bites that you were currently feeding her. That and your coffee mug was nearly empty. Ellie silently cursed herself for not filling it back up a few minutes ago. Maybe, if she had, you would have felt obligated to stay for a second longer. She reached into her pocket, placing the bill onto the table and taking a small step back.

“Here’s this, for whenever you’re ready. No rush.” Ellie held her hands up, taking another step back.

Much to her embarrassment, her hip banged against the side of the table that had been directly behind her. The wooden chair that had been underneath it scrapped loudly against the checkerboard tile, causing a few heads to turn and look at her. And of course, knowing her luck, you had seen and heard it all.

‘Smooth, Ellie.’ She thought wryly to herself, the taste in her mouth going sour.

She could feel heat reaching all the way up to her ears, and right when she was about to turn on her converse-clad heel and hide somewhere in the storage room, you pointed past her.

“I think that table needs a beating. How rude of it to trip you up like that.” You said, your brows playfully knit together in faux anger.

She audibly let out a breath of relief, unable to keep her face from sporting a smile. “Oh, I’m definitely taking it outside the second you leave. Wouldn’t want to beat it senseless in front of a child.”

Ellie thought that she had died and gone to heaven when you laughed at her miserable joke. Your eyes squinted at the corners, head thrown back slightly as your shoulders shook. Everything about you was hideously adorable. It should be illegal, actually.

“How courteous of you.” You teased, propping an elbow on the table so that you could rest your cheek against your hand. The look in your eyes screamed “play with me more”, and it took everything inside of Ellie not to back up into the table a second time.

Were you flirting with her? No. . . no way. You had a baby, which meant that a man had been involved at some point. Sure, lesbian couples had children all the time, but in most cases it was a long and arduous process. That and it was usually horrifically expensive. She couldn’t see you coughing up tens of thousands of dollars to conceive a child. Not when you were practically a child yourself.

“Well, you aren’t the first person to call me that.” Ellie decided to keep the teasing light hearted.

Ellie wasn’t exactly. . . subtle about the fact that she was gay. If the forearm tattoo of ferns and a moth wasn’t enough to clue people in, then her way of dress, posture, and demeanor surely tipped them in the right direction. You couldn’t think that you were play-flirting with a straight girl, that was for sure.

“Courteous? You? Who the hell told you that?” Her friend teased as he breezed past the both of you, a drink in either hand for the table in the far back.

Ellie clenched her teeth, turning her head so that she could give him a look. Jesse loved to publicly embarrass her it would seem. Not that she exactly needed someone to do that for her, not when she did it on the regular herself.

“Joel.” She snapped back, listing off the first person that came to mind. She instantly regretted it though, because Jesse only snickered as his reply. Did he really have to poke fun at her while she was talking to a girl? Knowing him and his antics he was probably doing it on purpose. 

Ellie was left to fiddle her fingers, hoping that she could somehow recover for a second time within the span of a minute. God, she was totally blowing. . . whatever was happening between the two of you.

“Is Joel your boyfriend. . . ?” You asked, raising an eyebrow.

You didn’t look all that disappointed when you asked. It just seemed like you were trying to keep the conversation going for a little longer. Still, Ellie’s freckled nose wrinkled in disgust.

“Ew.” She said simply, her mouth moving before she had the time to really think about how to properly answer. She wasn’t exactly a people person, and she quickly paled as she realized that she might have come off as rude. She fumbled, holding both of her hands up, a stuttering mess as she wracked her brain for the right words to say.

Once again though, she didn’t seem to need saving. You were laughing at her instantaneous reaction, finding humor in her awkwardness.

You found her endearing. Genuine people were few and far in between, and Ellie seemed to be one in a million. You could tell that she was the type of person that didn’t sugar coat things; she called em’ as she saw em’.

“Okay, okay,” You said through giggles, shaking your head. “So he isn’t your boyfriend.”

“Not at all. Joel is. . . well- he’s Joel. I was in foster care for a while, but he adopted me when I was fourteen.” This conversation was always a mood killer. Once the ‘O’ bomb was dropped, people often treated her differently. They danced around like they were standing on eggshells and looked at her like she was something to be pitied. Yeah, she had been an orphan, but she hadn’t had the opportunity to meet either of her parents. There was no one to miss. She had Joel, and she felt like that was all she ever really needed.

It was just her and Joel. That was her normal, and it was more than enough for her. Though. . . she’d probably die if she admitted that out loud to him. His brain would probably explode if she got all sappy around him, anyway.

“Well he sounds great then. Fourteen is a tough age- I bet you were super angsty.”

Ellie should have known that you’d be different. There was no “I’m sorry’s” or the awkward “dead parent” conversation.

“Oh, I was the worst.” Ellie agreed, a smile lighting up her features when she made you laugh for a third time. God, she must be on a roll.

“Well, here’s this,” You placed a twenty dollar bill on top of the ten dollar check. “You can keep the rest. I’ve been chatting your head off. I feel kinda bad.” You admitted, grabbing your purse and the small backpack that seemed to be packed to the brim with a child’s necessities.

Ellie could feel her palms beginning to sweat, so she nervously wiped them on the thighs of her black, well worn jeans. Should she ask for your number? Or would you see that as her shamelessly hitting on you and act weird?

Being gay, especially in a place like Jackson, was tough. Every female that she tried to make friends with got weird after she asked for their contact information, and men often saw her as some sort of accessory. As if hanging around her would make them look more non judgemental. That and the fact that males automatically assumed that she held all of the unshared, age-old mysteries of girlhood, and that she would divulge all of them.

“Hey-” Before she could even ask though, you had already opened your mouth.

“Do you mind if I asked for your phone number? Or if you feel more comfortable, I can get your instagra-”

“Phone number is great.” She breathed quickly, pulling out a piece of paper and a pen from her apron so that she could hand them over to you.

She would have just given you her number, but she was scared that she might never hear from you again. This way, she could be the person that built up the courage to call first. And she would. . . after a glass of whiskey. . . or a few hits from her bong.

You smiled warmly up at her, scribbling down your number as well as your name before folding it up into a square so that she could shove it into her back pocket.

“Have a good day. Don’t forget to text me, alright?” You shot her one last smile before picking your daughter up out of her highchair and placing her down on the ground. The little girl’s tiny shoes slapped against the floor as she walked quickly beside you, your hand already reaching down to grab a tight hold of her small palm.

You were almost out the door, the bell chiming as it swung open, when Ellie shuffled awkwardly.

“Drive safe!” She called out while she knew that you could still hear her.

You shot her one more megawatt smile before disappearing from view.  

“Drive safe.” Jesse imitated her voice from behind her, his arms crossed over his chest as he smirked down at the petite female.

“Do me a favor? Shut the fuck up.” Ellie gave his arm a light punch before walking back into the kitchen, praying that none of the cooks would give her a hard time about her very obviously flushed face.

why not to buy tlou2 remastered (please read).

[miinatozakiii]

are we still friends? (can we be friends?)

minatozaki sana x fem!reader ; fluff, angst 

synopsis: seeing sana again during christmas causes feelings to resurface

warnings: food ; alcohol ; datzu crumbs ; cursing ; proofread halfway bc i got lazy + grammar and spelling errors probably

a/n: how to write angst?? am i cooked?? (I'm cooked) ALSO I wrote this in December so a lonnnngg time ago like when I touched the doc for the first time two days ago it said last edited 12/30/23 T-T

“y/n! come help with the decorations, it a bit tough to reach.” your mom calls out from the entrance.  

pausing in your place, you turn to respond to her, “i’ll be there in a bit, let me finish mixing everything.” 

“okay honey. make sure to wear a coat when you get out here, it’s chilly!” she yells back before closing the door. 

a giggle leaves your lips as you continue to sift the dry ingredients, trying not to spill the flour and sugar. when you’re done with a part of your cookie process, you wash your hands and throw on your puffer jacket before heading out to help your mom. 

christmas is in four days and your mom has this annual thing where she throws a big party at your place every christmas eve. she invites all her friends who are back in town—some even fly out to come to this big event—and it goes on until the concerningly late hours of the night.  

your mom didn’t get to throw this big party last year because she was terribly sick, so you missed it that time, but now she’s so back.  

this means you’re in charge of the baking (yet again) and also helping her out everywhere. it’s not that you don’t enjoy this, if anything you look forward to this event—just not this year, it won’t be the same as the previous christmas parties. 

your mom has this friend who moved in five minutes away from your house when you were twelve, and they had a daughter your age. of course, both your mothers found a way to get you guys to meet, and eventually, you’d be spending the majority of your middle and high school years together stuck by the hip. 

her name was minatozaki sana; she was the first person you had fallen in love with inside and out.  

she had this type of vibrance to her that spread through her surroundings like a bullet train. if the room was dim, it’d seem like she had brought a piece of the sun inside just by being there, instantly illuminating it. it was palpable that she had her flaws, everyone did, but with the way she held herself up and gave her all, you’d see right past her imperfections and into that warm heart of hers. 

sana expected nothing and appreciated everything, that’s what made her lips curl up into a contagious grin. the streaks of creased skin in the corner of her eyes as she flashed that toothy grin gave everyone the intimation that she was simply overjoyed to be able to have the ability to love and to care. she was so beautiful in the way she found adoration so enticing, and that’s why you had fallen in love with her. 

your years with her passed by quickly, each year was filled with vibrant memories that led you to fall even deeper into her charm. however, you never mustered up the courage to tell her how you really felt toward her, and by the time you had gotten close to spilling out your pent up feelings; sana had found herself a little boyfriend. 

chris was some guy on the basketball team—who was also a bit short and lacking skill to even make the team—he was an arrogant, pretentious, and egotistical snob who managed to win sana’s heart. how did he do this? who knows, everyone who’s interacted with him either hates his guts or is in love with his pathetic self.  

he was only nice around sana, but you had seen him when he wasn’t pretending like there wasn't a stick up his ass. he was below the bare minimum and that’s how you’d describe him, he was nowhere near sana’s league. if anything, maybe you were just jealous (and that you were), but you knew what kind of person deserved sana—chris was not someone who deserved a wonderful woman like her. 

that asshole managed to win sana’s heart and keep it for half of junior year and all of senior year of high school, then he managed to convince her to go to a college that was a five-hour flight away from home—and by the way, your town was a two-hour drive from a well-known, top notch university, one that you and sana agreed to go to when you were both in middle school. 

there was no way you’d let sana go to that college, not when chris was the reason she was going. it was a school that wasn’t even comparable to the one not so far from home, the one that had significant alumni and programs fit for the both of you. sana could easily win a decent scholarship to the university you’ve been dreaming of going to, but she was going to let him change her mind in a matter of seconds. 

there was no way you’d let that happen, so you simply walked over to her house and stormed up to her room after seeing her text regarding this whole plan, a fool’s plan.  

- 

you remember the argument that shattered your friendships in seconds, almost like it was yesterday. 

“sana, you can’t just go to that school because of chris. look, i’m saying this as your friend and because i love you: he’s not all that, and the uni nearby has great health programs, they’re ten times better than the school over there and you know it.” you argue.  

you’re pacing around the room that you and sana have had countless late-night conversations and sleepovers in, the place where you had done more for sana than chris did. your eyes land on the two strips of laminated paper that hold the memory of the time you two had gone to the photobooth on your sixteenth birthday, your brows crease at the sight of your cheeks squished with sana’s as the two of you posed. a heavy breath makes your lungs shrink as you exhale. 

“i can’t let you do this, not for him sana.” 

“but i love him so much y/n, you know this. he promised we could stay in an apartment together and that everything would be perfect, we have a whole future planned and i—” 

“what about us sana?” you cut her off, voice breaking slightly. “what about our future? we promised that we’d go to that uni together, what happened to that? you’re going to throw it away for him?” 

“you’re being ridiculous y/n, we were thirteen! things change and you need to grow up, look—”  

“we’ve known each other since elementary school and you’re throwing away this opportunity for a guy whose grades are falling apart. not only that, he’s a fucking ass! you’ve come crying and complaining to me more times than i can count on my left hand.” you respond angrily, and much louder than you meant to. 

sana looks at you in disbelief, her expression almost carrying some sort of disappointment or disgust. she scoffs and you feel your heart shatter just from hearing it, this isn’t like her at all. 

“if you were so fucking annoyed by my misery then you could’ve told me,” she responds harshly, water lining her eyes.  

“sana that’s not what i—" 

“you’re supposed to be my best friend, always there for me and to support me. now look at you, what happened to that? can’t you be happy for me and chris? i seriously love him and all you’ve been is mopey and bitchy whenever he’s around.” 

“i know more people that have treated you better than him. he’s an asshole sana, it’s clear as day and even dahyun agrees.” 

her eyes meet the floor and she says in a smaller voice, “i love him y/n, and he loves me.” 

not like i love you, never will he love you like that. 

your features soften as you look at her. “sana you can’t—” 

“get out of my room.” sana spits in a stinging tone that’s worse than a dagger to your heart. she shakes her head then turns to avoid your gaze and your heart completely shatters as you watch a tear slide down her cheek in the process. “get out of my house, i don’t want to hear it.” 

“sana,” you begin, but when you hear her sniffle, you hold back everything that’s burning in your chest. your shoulders give up and sink in defeat before you croak out an “okay.” 

turning around, you step out of her bedroom with a heavy heart and trembling lips. tears stream down your cheeks as you make your way out of the house where sana and you had spent countless hours together—hours that you’d never forget no matter how hard you tried. 

- 

each breath you take is visible in the cold air and snow compresses with each step you take whilst hanging up the christmas lights. your mother smiles once you pin the last string up and  then you take a step back to admire the illuminating pattern of diverse hues beaming when your mom presses the “on” button. 

“thank you again honey, i appreciate it.” your mom says, holding your hand and squeezing it gently.  

you turn and smile at her, shaking your head before responding, “anytime mom.” 

the two of you enter the house again and immediately you’re on your way back to the kitchen to finish up your famous cookies. you three different types of cookies: chocolate chip cookies (the fastest batch to be eaten), matcha cookies with white chocolate chips, and ube cookies—sana’s favorites. 

-- 

“ube? what’s that?” sana says, giggling softly as you hand her a purple cookie with white chocolate chunks.  

“just try it sana, you’ll love it.” you assure, urging her to try. “it’s purple too, how could you not?” 

she rolls her eyes at you then picks up the sweet treat, taking a bite of the cookie. it’s crunchy on the outside and perfectly soft on the inside, making her shoulders sink down and eyes close when the new, thrilling flavor meets her tastebuds. 

“so, how is it?” you ask, raising your brows. sana simply smiles and nods, shooting a dorky thumbs up before taking another bite. 

“it’s wonderful, it’s like coconut and nutty and has vanilla and oh my gosh it’s so… it’s really good.” she sighs, melting as she consumes your baked good. she looks adorable. 

you laugh at her response and take a bite of your own experiment, eyes widening at how good they were. sana was right, they’re wonderful. 

-- 

“ah the purple cookies, those were a hit ever since you started making them.” your mom says, rubbing your back. she looks at you with some pity, knowing about your little falling out with sana. 

you simply smile and nod. “i like them, i was going to save some for myself too.” you joke, easing some tension in the air. 

“well, i’m going to call your dad up, go visit the kim’s later and tell them i said hi.” your mom insists, placing a twenty dollar bill on the marble counter. “heard they have a holiday latte out, you should try it. dahyun’s also been experimenting with her baking and beverages, she gets better each time i visit.” 

“of course she is,” you chuckle lightheartedly, “let me just finish these last cookies and i’ll put them in the fridge for a bit. did you want anything from their place?” 

“no, it’s fine. oh wait! i have a present for dahyun’s mom, can you give her this if she’s there?” she asks. 

“mhm,” you hum,  “just put it near my bag on the couch.” 

“thanks sweetie, i’ll do that.” your mother beams, then rushes towards her room to grab whatever it was that she needed. 

-- 

ring  

the sound of the bell chimes throughout the café—which is not too busy other than the elderly group in the corner and a student typing away at their computer to the side. you catch sight of the familiar face, instantly grinning when you walk towards the register. 

dahyun is turned away from you and cleaning the espresso machine, wiping it down and yelling a “welcome! feel free to check out the holiday pastries and beverages!” without turning towards you. 

you laugh and speak up, “it’s nice to see you miss know-it-all.” and upon hearing your voice dahyun instantly turns around, beaming a bright grin and setting her rag down. 

“y/n? you didn’t tell me you were in town? what the hell where were you last year?” she questions, walking out from behind the counter and then towards you to greet you with a warm hug. she smells like coffee grinds and cinnamon, you hug her back and smile. 

“i was deathly sick last year, like seriously fighting for my life. i didn’t tell you?” 

“no stupid, you didn’t.” she sighs, then pulls away to look at you. “i’ve only seen your instagram posts, haven’t seen you in a bit and wow… you look better than in the pictures.” 

“thank you?” you giggle before she walks over to return back behind the register. “i’ve also seen your instagram… who’s that girl you’ve been posting? got a girl and didn’t fill me in with the details?” you pry, smirking cheekily. 

“oh, tzu… gosh y/n we have so much to talk about, i’m glad you’re back in town.” dahyun says appreciatively, and you don’t miss the slight pink that dusts on her cheeks before she starts again, “let’s talk over some coffee. what can i get you? on the house by the way. we have like, thirty minutes before a bunch of people start piling in.” 

a giggle leaves your lips again before you decide on a peppermint mocha. dahyun gets to work and weighs out the coffee grins as you situate yourself to the side, watching her work her magic. 

the two of you catch up on what’s been going on with college, dahyun’s love life that you’ve missed out on, and what you’ve been up to yourself. twenty minutes pass and you’ve both ended up on some old memory that has the two of you laughing like idiots again, making both your stomachs hurt. 

“so… we’ve talked about what’s been going on with me… what about you and your love life? bet you’ve met a girl too.” dahyun interrogates with a teasing tone.  

“oh, well—” you begin, awkwardly staring at the cup in your hand. “i dated this girl for a while, but we ended up falling out and staying friends, nothing much… we just weren’t right for each other.” 

“i see…” dahyun responds, holding herself back from bringing up the sensitive topic—or, well, person.  

dahyun was aware of the falling out as well, but still stayed friends with sana. however, she was your friend before she met sana, so she had made sure if it was alright to keep contact and whatnot. of course you didn’t want your own personal problems to get in between other friendships, and you still loved sana despite everything that had happened so you gave dahyun the green light.  

after running to dahyun the same night of the argument with sana, you cried for an hour or two in her room. this was the first time you turned to someone other than sana, and dahyun had been on your side of the whole situation, making it easier to comfort and reassure you. she also disliked chris, but not as much as she liked you. 

she pretty much agreed with everything you had ranted about and thought it was stupid that sana would rather choose that asshole over someone like you, and later on you’d confess that you were in love with sana to dahyun. when everything had been rocky with sana, dahyun had been by your side, and you were grateful for that. 

“well, maybe you’ll land yourself a kiss under the mistletoe, who knows who’ll be showing up to your christmas party.” dahyun nudges you, smiling as she hands you some peppermint chocolate bark treat. “i could always set you up~” 

“it’s fine, really.” you guarantee. a smile spreads across your face and you dismiss her offer with a wave of your hand. “um, by the way… has um, has she stopped by or anything like that recently? does sana still visit—" 

there’s another ring from the door opening that cuts you off, making dahyun’s attention redirect towards the customer walking in. her eyes widen and she pauses in place before smiling awkwardly, then she mumbles an uneasy “um, be back…” before walking over to the register. 

you don’t think much of her weird mood shift and instead swirl around the small remainder of coffee in the latte cup. 

“hi dahyun! it’s nice to see you again.” a voice beams.  

you freeze in place, all of your body tensing up as soon as the familiar voice processes through your ears. it’s smooth, it’s sweet, and it has that same high-pitched ring and giggle that follows. immediately, your heartbeat spikes and you’re doing anything you can to avoid interacting or even looking in the woman’s direction. 

“it’s nice to see you too sana,” dahyun greets with a bubbly tone. the name being uttered from dahyun’s mouth is enough to make your hands grip the cup in your hand a little tighter. “can i get you anything?”  

“hm… i’ll have that peppermint mocha please. i’m also going to take a look around the bakery, i need to grab some treats for others. you know how it is, holidays and whatnot.” sana says in that adorable tone, it has you falling for her all over again just when you thought you’d gotten over everything that’s happened. 

quickly, you finish the last sip of your coffee before setting the empty cup down abruptly. it makes a small yet noticeable sound with the glass plate it had been sitting on, making sana advert her gaze.  

the small gift you had set down beside you is now placed on the glass that covers the display of christmas themed cakes. dahyun looks at you in confusion and tilts her head before you turn to smile at her, avoiding sana’s widening eyes. 

“thanks for the coffee dahyun, take the present on the glass to your mom—it’s from my mom to yours.” you start, trying to keep your voice level 

every ounce of restraint and discipline is fighting back the urge to simply glance at sana, who’s standing right in front of dahyun. you almost manage to avoid her, but it’s inevitable, your eyes land on your first love for the first time in almost two years. 

she’s looking at you with parted lips and surprise, but she still looks as beautiful as you remember. sana looks a little more mature than when you last saw her; the curve of her jaw is sharper, lips somehow brighter and her features are more defined overall. sana is wearing a scarf that fits around her neck comfortably, a brown, fluffy sweater, and dark sweatpants with uggs to compliment the outfit. there’s simplicity in her look—she’s jaw dropping, the sight of her makes your jaw tighten and heartbeat spike.  

her eyes meet yours for exactly three seconds, enough time to have every memory flowing in. 

clearing your throat, you finish your farewell to dahyun with a smile, “i’ll see you around, my mom says hi to your mom, tell her i also said hi too. i’ll get going now, have a good one.” 

your body doesn’t fight back the urge to glance at sana again—big mistake—before turning around and walking out the door. 

sana keeps her look on you the whole time, baffled to see you here and her own heart yearns for you. she’s missed you more than you’d ever know, and more than she’d like to admit. it doesn’t help her case that you’re ten times more attractive than when she’d last seen you at graduation. 

“you should talk to her.” dahyun says softly. sana keeps her eye on the door, you’re already out and probably in your car, but she keeps her eye on the door still. 

“were you talking to her earlier?” sana asks, now turning to face the younger woman. 

“we were catching up.” dahyun answers. the woman behind the register turns around to start making sana’s drink, unknowingly the same drink you had ordered. it all makes dahyun’s own heart sink in her chest a bit. “how long has it been since you’ve talked to her?” 

“since graduation.” sana explains, looking down at the counter. “i messed up.” 

dahyun turns around again to see sana, sorrow and regret etching into her features. the barista frows and reaches over to place her hand on sana’s shoulder, then rubs it gently.  

“talk to her, there’s always time to fix things. especially with y/n.” 

-- 

a few days past since that meeting, you’re still shaken up from it to say the least.  

sana is too, but you aren’t aware of that. 

to stray away from this event that is dreadfully close to leading to some form of existential crisis or spiral, you’re helping your mom out with setting up the last few decorations and tables while your cookies that you chilled a couple days ago bake.  

dahyun is also coming over with her girlfriend in the evening to exchange a couple of greetings and to properly introduce her girlfriend tzuyu to you. your mother had met tzuyu before and talked highly about her, so you were excited to meet her yourself.  

when the time comes, you hear a knock at the door and shoot up to answer it. you open the door and dahyun stands there with a nervous grin on her face. next to her stands tzuyu—and sana.  

your eyes widen and your jaw tenses when you see her perfect face, standing next to tzuyu with this awkward smile. she’s wearing a gray pullover and black sweatpants; an orange scarf also wraps around her neck comfortably. she looks snug and cute as ever, no matter what she’s adorable in your eyes. your heart flutters and you get all nervous like a teenager again. 

pushing away the edginess flowing throughout your whole being, you greet dahyun with a warm hug, then give tzuyu and friendly one as well. you’re not sure how to greet sana, being all shaken up by just her presence, so you resort to a smile and a small “hi sana,” then invite them all in. 

sana walks in and her hand brushes against your arm on accident, the two of you definitely notice it—though you both decide to ignore it and the warmth in your chests.  

your mom greets all the girls with a hug and the five of you sit down in your homey living room. sana sits across from you on the couch next to your mom, and you sit there avoiding eye contact as you all catch up. 

an hour passes by and dahyun is over in the living room talking to your mom about what’s been going on with her parents and the bakery. in the meantime, you decide to give yourself a break from feeling all nervous just by being near sana. 

standing up, you announce, “i’m going to the kitchen for a bit.” your mom simply raises her brows at your sudden departure, you’ve been silent for most of the conversation and it seems like you’re the only one affected by the tension in the room. “won’t be long.” you add, smiling weakly. 

the fridge is still full of some essentials, and to the side, there’s some cold brew and your favorite coconut milk; everything you need is right where you need it. you head over to the counter and grab your favorite glass cup, heart stinging at the memory of when you had received it. it was one of the many gifts from sana. 

you grab some ice and put it in the cup, then add your cold brew inside. then you grab a small cup with some honey and search for a spoon so you can mix it in with the coconut milk. 

“drinking coffee at this time?” a voice says, making you freeze. you break out of your short trance and hum in response before continuing to make your drink. 

“you know i can’t resist a good coffee, sana.” and the way her name slips off your tongue feels right. you haven’t said it often since the falling out and it still rolls off perfectly, it feels right coming from you. you’re hesitant to talk again, feeling her eyes drill into your back. something in your heart shifts and you manage to ask, “did you want something to drink?” 

“yeah,” she answers, walking over to you and sitting at the kitchen island. “same thing you’re drinking, but sweeter.” 

of course she wants it sweet, just like always.  

“okay.”  

your back is still turned towards sana and she watches you grab another glass. as you do so, she gets a glimpse of your own glass and smiles. “is that the cup i got you?”  

still fixing up her drink, you nod and answer, “yeah. it’s my favorite.” 

“a lot of your gifts are my favorites too.” she admits, her voice so soft and fragile that you’re scared the thick tension in the air might break it. 

sana watches you turn around, but you still avoid her gaze. you place both cups on the surface of the kitchen island and begin to pour the coconut milk mixtures into the coffee. the liquids swirl as they combine, creating a satisfying view. sana’s quick to redirect her attention back to you, staring at your face again. 

last time she had saw you at dahyun’s cafe, she only had the chance to get a simple glance at your features, not enough time to fully take in everything that’s changed about your apperance. there’s two new piercings on both ears and a new, small tattoo below your ear; the length of your hair is also noticeably longer. your lips part as you swirl both cups in your hands around, and then you take a quick glance to the side, allowing sana to admire your side profile and the unique curve of your nose and lips. 

you hold the mug out for her and finally meet her eyes again. sana’s favorite thing about you were your eyes, they’re still as pretty as she remembers.  

- 

it’s some thursday night during your sophomore year of high school, you were supposed to be studying with sana for your math quiz tomorrow, but she had other ideas.  

“stay still,” sana mumbles softly. 

she situates you in the chair near her desk and tilts your head up with the fingers holding your chin. she’s inches away from you as she puts some sort of sponge on your face, brows creasing as she does so. your heart is racing. 

after a couple of minutes, sana finishes up your makeup. she’s done some type of natural look on you, nothing too heavy or bold. you look at yourself through the mirror and take a moment to examine sana’s doings. as you do so, sana can’t keep her eyes off you. 

something in her heart shifts as she admires you. her eyes land on your lips, they’re oddly alluring, and sana’s cheeks burn. 

“sana you’re staring… do i look weird?” 

“no,” she practically breathes out, mouth slightly agape. “you’re beautiful.” she says breathlessly, her expression turning all serious it makes you giggle awkwardly. 

there have been many moments where sana has found you pretty, not just physically. your small gifts and reassurance have made her heart flutter, but she’s always figured that was just because she loved you deeply as a friend. but when you stare at her with those eyes in this moment, she’s so surprised by everything she feels. she's giddy and happy and warm inside and gosh her heart wants to jump out her chest and cling onto you. she's not opposed to the feeling; she always has this feeling aorunf you and she loves it. that's why she’s always around you in the first place. 

her face burns and you’re gazing at her all confused, you look so cute. 

growing nervous from how non-verbal sana has been, you try to shake her out of her trance. “hey, you’re scaring me. earth to sana? hellooooo…?” 

“how are you so pretty all the time.” sana’s eyes soften and her whole body relaxes as she rests her head on her palm. “like, your face is so perfect and your eyes… god y/n, whoever gets to be with you would be so lucky, seriously. like, you’re honestly the prettiest girl in our school, how do you not have a boyfriend?” 

your cheeks flush from the abrupt compliment, so you push her gently and giggle. sana giggles along with you, still star-struck. you’re both young and unknowingly in love with each other—giggles and teasing seem to be the only way to hide that. 

- 

sana has always found you attractive, after all these years she still hasn’t figured out why she made the mistake of pursuing chris instead of the person who was always there for her—and ten times prettier. you’ve always been right there, she’s a fool for looking right past you. 

sana grabs the mug, still making eye contact with you and both your eyes soften at the same time. 

“y/n i’m sorry.” she says immediately, “i messed up really bad and—” 

“sana,” you cut her off, “just enjoy the drink.” she watches you smile at her, it’s genuine and small, still enough to calm her nerves. you grab your glass and walk towards the door to the porch, tilting your head and urging her to come follow. sana figures she could pour her heart out later, if it were on the porch it wouldn’t be the first time she’s poured out her emotions there.  

the two of you find a seat across from each other, the fairy lights above create some type of ambiance to ease the tension that’s hanging in the air like an invisible cloak of some sort, suffocating the two of you with its unease. 

“how have you been?” sana asks. it’s cliché, but what else was she supposed to say?  

you don’t look up from the drink in your hand when you respond, “good, you?”  

“likewise.” sana lies, her jaw clenching.  

“you know,” you begin, and with intent, your eyes meet her face and she’s doing the same as you had been doing before; she simply sits there with the drink in her hand, looking quite on edge. “i figured if i were to see you again like this, chris would be with you.”  

“we broke up three months after we moved in together.” sana says quietly, “i broke up with him.” 

“sana…” you mumble quietly, surprised to say the least. “why— what?” 

“i ruined everything between you and i because i was so blinded by his affection, i couldn’t stay with him anymore with guilt clawing at me.” she explains, her voice breaking slightly. “and i couldn’t bring myself to talk to you after hurting you. losing you was the biggest mistake of my life. god, it took everything in me to come back to you.” 

“you never lost me sana,”  

“i’m just… sorry for everything, i really am.” she says sincerely, “and i don’t think enough words could really explain how sorry i am.” 

you look at her with pity, and despite her coldness towards you during the last semester of your senior year, you decide to let everything go. she’s your best friend after all, you promised yourself to be there. 

“it’s okay.” you say, it’s not the truth, but it’s not a lie either. “it was my fault too for letting the distance between us get larger.” 

“don’t say that, it’s not your fault.” sana sighs. she takes a sip of the coffee, it’s good, of course— everything you’ve ever made for her has been great. “i only stayed with chris because i was scared. that’s why it was so easy for me to leave everyone i loved behind, i think.” 

“scared? …of what?” 

she looks dead into your eyes and exhales, “i realized that, that maybe i was with chris because i was trying to push down how i felt about you.” 

you tilt your head in confusion, then begin to pry, “sana what do you mean—" 

“y/n, i was falling for you and it terrified me. i mean, i loved you, and honestly, i think i still do. i'm so fucking dumb, god i'm just oblivious.” sana says, then immediately, your heart rate spikes and your brows raise. she continues while fidgeting with her fingers, “i guess it’s easier to admit now because we’ve grown distant, and physically we’re distant enough. chris treated me alright and loved me, but i came crying to you all the time because he never treated me like how i wanted you to treat me, i don’t know why i did that. i don’t know why i let myself go through that when i had you. every time i’d kiss him i wished it were you, every time we did anything honestly.” 

sana's eyes shimmered with unshed tears, their glossy shine failing to hide the immense emotions she was desperately trying to suppress. the weight of her confession hung in the air, causing the entire world to momentarily freeze. it felt as though time itself had paused, giving you a moment to absorb the magnitude of her words. 

sana loved you, and she still does. you loved her, and you still do.  

but really, you can’t. you can’t go through with this. it’s too sudden, so unorganized and uncertain. 

all of this is a recipe for disaster. 

the echo of her vulnerability reverberated through the atmosphere, your mind spun in a cyclone of emotions. thoughts collided and collided again like football players during some game, leaving your head in a dizzying state of confusion, the sheer intensity of it all was jarring, leaving you all disoriented. the feelings you suppressed were finding their way back out, and you found yourself teetering on the precipice of vulnerability once again, just as you did years ago. 

finding out that sana loved you still gave you hope, but the revelation also made you uneasy. it had been too long without sana, and so much had happened, so there was the chance that things would be all rocky. besides, it’s just too sudden. 

“i’m— sorry for dumping all of this, i just wanted to give you closure because… well, i should’ve given you it years ago.” a tear streams down her eye as she says this, and then she begins to stand. “i should leave, i’m sorry for not letting you know i was coming— god i’m so sorry.” 

“sana wait—” you start, grabbing her wrist. she looks into your eyes, her’s are still glossy. you decide it’s better to let her go for now, unsure if this is the last time you’ll see her after this—hopefully not. “it’s okay, just… be careful. you know i’m always here, always sha.” 

the nickname that you made up for her makes her heart crack a little, she can only smile back at you for now. 

— 

the conversation between dahyun, tzuyu, and your mom is interrupted when dahyun catches the sight of sana pulling her scarf off the hook and wrapping it around her neck again. she takes account of the slight flush of her nose and cheeks, as well as her water-lined eyes. 

“you’re leaving?” dahyun asks, concern clear in her tone. sana simply smiles and nods, “yeah, i’ll see you at the holiday party. it was nice seeing you too miss l/n, i missed all of this.” 

“you’re always welcome honey,” your mother assures, “where’s y/n?” 

“out on the porch, she said she’ll be back in a bit. i’ll see you all, thank you.” sana says before departing, leaving the three women in the living room perplexed. 

a few minutes later whilst the three in the living room conjure up theories of what had happened while you and sana had been gone—you appear with a blank expression. you sit down next to your mom and lean against her, not saying a word. 

tzuyu (who is only briefly caught up with whatever had happened between you and sana, and she deinfitely needs a thorough presentation on your history) looks at dahyun and tilts her head, dahyun simply shakes her own head. 

“sana and i talked a bit, resolved and made things clear.” you say, answering the elephant in the room. “i’m heading up, i’m getting sleepy and i want to have some energy for the party tomorrow.” you add. “it was nice getting to know you tzuyu, you’re perfect for the idiot beside you. night everyone.” chuckling quietly in between responses. 

and with that you’re walking up the stairs to your room, leaving your mom, tzuyu, and dahyun perplexed yet again. 

- 

december 25th, five o’clock pm. 

you're greeting guests, various familiar faces and their parents, family friends, and whoever else you mom managed to fit on the list. 

the party is lively, with people scattered in the backyard and on the little porch while your dad grills his signature bbq meats. your mom laughs with her friends as she sips on her wine, moving her hands around as she talks to emphasize her little life updates. 

in the basement with you are your old high school friends: momo, her cousin mina, jaehyun, mark, johnny, seulgi, sooyoung, jeongyeon, and dahyun, who’s accompanied by tzuyu. the rest of your frineds couldn’t make it, they were probably out of town. all of them sit on the floor or couch with a can of smirnoff or soda, all chatting and laughing over old memories. 

you lean against jaehyun as you laugh, letting yourself hide behind his shoulder while mark ruthlessly brings up each embarrassing phase you’ve had. what a guy, a guy you’ll be figthing soon if he keeps this up. 

the feeling of your phone ringing against your palm as you hold it catches your attention, directing you from the conversation at hand. the screen shows a call from “mom♡” which earns a confused look. you answer the call, cupping the phone so you can hear her better as you answer. 

“hello? did you need something?” 

“hey honey, would you mind coming out for a bit? someone wants to see you.” 

“someone?” you ask, “one of your friends or...?” 

“just come on out sweetie.” she insistts. 

“okay okay, whatever you say.” you respond before ending the call and starting to get up. jaehyun looks up at you with a quirked brow as he sips on his drink. you look back and shrug, “my mom wants me to meet ‘someone,’ probably one of her friends or something. i won’t be long.” you respond to him and let the others know. 

"alright, take your time," jaehyun says with a nod, setting his drink down. "hopefully, it won't be too boring," he adds with a small smirk, teasing you gently. you roll your eyes playfully in response before grabbing your jacket and heading towards the sliding door.  

you were right about the guess on seeing your mom's friend, or—friends. however, the sudden chill you get when seeing the minatozaki’s on the porch makes you tense up.  

they're standing there, glasses of wine in their hands as they look at you. sana's mom has a smile on her face, so does her dad. you walk up to them and try to shake off your nerves, fully hugging sana’s mom and giving sana’s dad a side hug. 

“it’s been a while hasn’t it?” sana’s mom says, putting her hand on your shoulder and grinning. “it’s wonderful to see you again.” 

“likewise.” you respond, melting into relaxation the more you get used to this atmosphere. “how have you all been?” 

after a tense reunion with sana’s parents, they find out about your ambitions and what you’ve been up to. not much is mentioned about the falling out between you and their daughter, but the thought most definitely lingers in the cold, winter air.  

sana's parents tell you about an internship she earned at a hospital her first year, saying they’re proud of her for helping others and the bonus of the nice paycheck that came with the experience. they tell you she’s found herself a guaranteed transfer to your school and that she’s excited to help even more people in the nursing program. it sounds like sana’s a great person, she’s always wanted to help others, it makes you smile and nod as her parents update you on what she’s been up to. 

but there’s this feeling of uncertainty and sorrow brewing. the fact that you have to hear about sana from anyone but her breaks you a bit, knowing that the two of you wouldn’t hesitate to update each other back then. now, it seems like you’re missing a chunk of memories that you could’ve shared with sana. 

“we asked her to come to the party.” mr. minatozaki says, looking at you with a sympathetic smile. “she said she’d consider it.” 

“oh, i see.” you respond, nodding whilst looking at the ground.  

part of you is glad that she’s not here, but who are you kidding, there would never be a time where you’d be dissapointed to catch her near you, despite the paranoia taking over. 

“well, it’s nice to catch up y/n. we've missed you, it’s great to see how well you’re doing. your parents must be proud.” mr. minatozaki concludes, looking at you with admiration. 

“yeah, thanks.” you say, “well, i'll leave you to talk to my parents, but i'll stop by again to talk to you two. it's really nice to catch up, i've missed you guys too, and your wonderful dinners.” you add jokingly, earning a laugh from the couple. 

sana's mom kisses your temple and hugs you, then lets you walk back into the house. 

it seems like this whole night has been full of surprises—scratch that, at this point, everything is a surprise ever since you've been back in town. especially now, because once you step into the kitchen, there’s a familiar woman who’s making your knees weak all over again. 

“y/n, hey.” sana greets softly, smiling at you. 

she's just hung up her scarf on the little hook near the fridge, the same place she’d always hang it back then. there was this unspoken rule that when sana was here, there were certain spaces that belonged to her; the hook near the fridge, the chair at the dining table closest to the living room, the right side of your bed, and the left side of the couch in the basement.  

still, you’re pissed at the fact she had practically cut you off completely over a boy just to come back years later to win you back. it irritated you how easy it was for sana to convince you, but you were much angrier at the thought of her coming back to see you because her and chris didn’t work out. was she serious about the breakup? was that all it took to forget that she had caused so much mental turmoil? 

despite this, her being in your house again and seeing her at this christmas party like years before; everything reminds you of the fact that sana had always lingered in your home. 

“hey, didn’t think you’d make it.” you respond, watching her shrug. 

“my parents said your signature cookies are here, i had to.” 

can't be the only reason, you want to mumble, but your lips stay sealed. 

sana speaks again, “i stole a couple, ate some earlier actually. still as great as i remembered.” 

“thanks.” you mutter, walking over to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. “did you want to talk about something?” 

“what do you mean?” 

“there’s a reason you came, and i know it’s for me since you’re not in the basement with everyone else. we both know that’s the signature spot.” 

sana cringes at your tone, but gives in. 

“i just wanted to see you, and hopefully talk to you normally.” 

it's taking everything in you to hold your ground, to protect yourself from this sudden appearance that’s making you all uneasy again. you can’t let sana screw you up again with a simple visit, you can’t. 

“i know you’re sorry but sana, you treated me so terribly. do you know how much i cried? how fucking terrible i felt after losing my friend of years to chris?” you seethe, sighing. “part of me wants to start over, maybe try again—but how can i do that when there’s the chance of you throwing away everything, we rebuild over another stupid fucking guy.” 

she looks at you with guilt in her eyes, her shoulders sinking and words jumbling in her throat.  

“y/n, nothing—no one, despite what i've done to you, will ever make me forget how much i love you. there's always a space in my heart for you.” 

you scoff, anger flowing throughout you now, then walk over to her. she stands against the frame of the entrance, you stand in front of her now, looking down slightly. sana's looking at you directly in the eye, you can see the hurt and regret in her eyes; her look brings you back to your senses. 

“how do i know you’re not bluffing? sana, every ounce of me wants to redo this.” your voice cracks slightly, the hurt evident in your tone.  

“you just have to trust me, i'm sorry, i'm really sorry.” 

you feel like curling up into a ball and hiding, the way your chest tightens makes you want to cry a bit. 

- 

the party ends around one in the morning, considering the fact that some of the attendants are adults that don’t have the energy to party until the sunrises.  

jaehyun’s just crossed the line, now slurring his words and laughing stupidly while he gets touchy with the guys, so mark ends up driving him home. johnny catches a ride with seulgi and sooyoung. with them gone, you’re in the basement with momo, mina, dahyun, and tzuyu. all five of you end the night with some recollections of memories, momo’s recent date, mina’s annoying professor, and before you know it you all are hugging goodbye. 

you've already gone through three cans of the smirnoff cans, it hadn’t done much except make you a little more giggly and talkative. you were a little tipsy, that was all. 

throughout the night, tzuyu and dahyun exchange glances, their eyes meeting repeatedly, dahyuns hand rubbing tzuyu’s thigh, and the little smiles they give each other. all of it doesn’t go unnoticed – at least by you – and hints at the potential for something you don’t want to think of in detail once they return home.  

as you observe their subtle interactions, a pang of envy stirs within you, longing for that same allure and anticipation. amidst the swirling emotions, a sense of emptiness creeps in, amplified by the beers you’ve had. you're left to ponder on what’s making you feel hollow, still feeling bad after raising your voice at sana earlier. 

you can’t feel bad, you shouldn’t. whatever you did wasn’t comparable to her practically pretending you didn’t exist for almost two years. 

after rolling your eyes and saying some stupid joke to dahyun and tzuyu – the last to leave the house – you head back to the basement.  

of course, sana had to be sitting on the couch, head turned towards the tv as she sipped on a beer.  

“hey.” you mutter, earning her attention as she turns away from the christmas movie you paused earlier. 

“hi.” sana greets. 

every ounce of anger, irritation, and dread had been squeezed out your body at the sight of her. you genuinely think it’s the alcohol that’s making you rethink everything, making it hard to fight back that voice in your head that’s trying to stay reserved and petty. 

sana sits there, her gaze fixed on you with intensity. her glasses are perched on her nose, a familiar sight whenever she's engrossed in watching tv or anything like that. the sight only adds to her charm, making her look even more adorable. you can't help but notice her favorite cardigan draped over her shoulders – the fluffy, white knit cardigan she adores so much –it's a cherished gift from your mother, and she's held onto it all these years. her eyes bore into yours, drilling into your skull and compelling you to plop down beside her as if nothing had ever transpired between you. you surrender, maybe it’s the late hours of the night, maybe the beer, o rmaybe just sana. 

(it’s probably just sana.) 

she turns back to the movie playing, some stupid romcom jaehyun had put on as background noise. 

your eyes trace the curve of her nose, lingering on her lips and the impeccable contour of her jawline as she remains fixated on the tv screen. her side profile captivates you for a moment, holding you in some sort of spell until she breaks the silence with her soft voice. 

“i think our parents are playing card games in the kitchen.”  

“probably betting money too.” 

“remember when your dad took your christmas money for their game?” sana asks, giggling at the memory. her eyes are still fixed on the screen, you decide to tune into the movie too. “didn’t he lose too?” 

“yeah.” you sigh, sinking into the couch. “he paid me back double the next day though.” 

“so it was worth it?” 

“yeah, i think we went out to eat with that money.” 

sana turns to gaze at you, her eyes tracing the soft contours of your profile in the dimly lit room. the glow from the tv accentuates her favorite features of yours, and she finds herself lost in the sight before her. for a while, she simply stares, allowing the comfortable silence to envelop the moment.  

you turn to look at her now, you two just stare at each other for a while more. 

“maybe we can try again.” you mumble, giving into the beauty in front of you. “every part of me is against the idea.” 

“that’s understandable.” sana agrees. she sighs before adding, “you don’t have to try again.” 

“i know.” you assure, “but i think we should.” 

“i’m sorry.” 

“i know, sana.”  

as the music from the tv fills the room, silence once again settles between you and sana. you know that you can't let this opportunity slip away – it's everything you've wanted, and deep down, you realize it's everything you've needed too.  

there's a mistletoe that’s hung above the two of you, it’s been there the whole time, both of you were aware of it. it dangles from the light tantalizingly, but neither of you do anything about it. neither you or sana even mention it. your mind races to the memory of dahyun and tzuyu kissing each other under it and part of you wants to kiss sana like that, but you won’t let her kiss and make up. 

you reach out, your fingers gently intertwining with hers. you lift her hand to your lips, feeling the warmth of her skin against your own. softly, you press a kiss upon the back of her hand, you linger in the intimacy of the gesture. 

the two of you sit there for a moment, letting the world around you two fade away. 

everything about the moment renders you weak. you think to yourself that maybe, just maybe, a second chance is enough to patch things up. if it’s with sana, then maybe it’s worth it. 

[antiloreolympus]

What is LO Cooking?!

I heard Lore Olympus was ending soon, so I caught up, and wow, it somehow got worse. The main thing I'm stuck on is Hera being the fertility goddess.

I don't know about y'all, but this is NOT the same person. But I assume this is for the reveal to be a 'surprise'.

((If you have to switch up a character's whole look and remove their only "unique" trait (mole) for a surprise, maybe don't do it.))

To continue, while this recent episode (273) depicts Zeus as awful for using Hera's powers. It also doesn't explain why Metis couldn't fight Kronos herself.

I haven't read the fast pass, but I'm going to make an educated guess that Hera is going to solo Kronos easily like Persephone did.

If this is the case, wouldn't that mean Metis was powerful enough to stop Kronos on her own, and she simply chose not to? Not only that, but she and Hera could've teamed up him if they were this powerful on their own.

It's very odd how this story wants me to believe Zeus did this only out of greed and not necessity if even Metis can't handle Kronos.

Also, Metis not only didn't take Kronos out but kept the truth from Hera? The blame is instead shifted to Zeus as if Metis didn't have the responsibility of telling her daughter.

If the story is willing to critique Demeter for lying to Persephone, why isn't Metis getting the same heat story wise?

This isn't me saying Zeus is justified using Hera's powers post-titanomachy as that is unacceptable (RIP Zeus Stans). Only in the context of defeating Kronos.

It just feels like another way for Metis to be seen as a "caring mom" as if she didn't sleep with Young Zeus, knowing two of her kids had a crush on him.

- - -

The potential reasons I have are between:

"RS didn't think this through and made Metis such a terrible mother that most of the aftermath could've been prevented if she had either fought Kronos on her own or taught Hera how to use her powers."

Or

"Hera (and Metis to an extent) wouldn't have been able to use the full extent of their abilities without a man using them as a battery first."

Both of these are terrible, and I hate it here.

[cheesemoth]

A WEDDING MADE OF STRAWS

Part 1 | Part 2

Fandom

Criminal Minds

Summary

Your relationship with Spencer, your husband, seems to be deteriorating after seven years together and four years of marriage. You've tried to talk to him about it, to find out if you've done something wrong, but all you get is an avoidance or the poor excuse "I don't have time". Finally, you've had enough.

Genre

Hurt/Open Ending

Pairing

Spencer Reid/Female Reader

Spencer isn't feeling well.

His head hurts, constantly, and lately, his job seems to weigh even more heavily on his shoulders. He knows it's partly due to his worry about schizophrenia, especially since the migraines he thought he had left behind are back.

He tries to distract himself, not to let his thoughts invade his daily life with you and his professional life, but it's a difficult fight. He so wants to talk to you about all this, but the idea of burdening you with his problems makes him wince. You're already worried enough for him, with all the time his job takes; he doesn't want to add to your worries.

So, naturally, Spencer turns to his best friend at work, JJ. She understands him better than anyone, without a word being said, and her presence is like a sanctuary in the face of his torments.

He is aware that this isn't fair to you, but he finds it unbearable to share what eats at him, to pollute your environment with his problems and anxiety.

"You should really talk to her, Spence," JJ says for the umpteenth time, after Spencer shared his discomfort that had intensified earlier, amplified by your disappointed tone after he announced he would spend the night at a friend's.

Spencer immediately shakes his head. "I can't —"

"I think your wife is wise enough to decide for herself," JJ retorts, a tad more sharply.

Spencer lowers his eyes, stung. Of course, he would never question your intelligence or your independence. He is also convinced that you do not grasp the full extent of what a possible diagnosis of schizophrenia could imply for him. What he would be imposing on you, if it were to develop. He bites his lip, sighing heavily as he runs his fingers through his hair.

Seeing the state Spencer is in, with his pronounced dark circles despite the comfort of the guest room bed, and his shoulders tense, JJ softens her tone.

"Just... think about it, okay? She loves you, otherwise you wouldn't be together."

Spencer finds nothing to reply and settles for a non-committal hum. These words don't reassure him as much as they should. That night, he doesn't find sleep easily, just like the previous nights.

...

...

It's been almost a week since Spencer hasn't returned to the apartment, to you. A case hit him particularly hard, and he hasn't been able to suppress these harmful emotions as he usually does.

He doesn't want you to see him like this. It's so pitiable. He wants to text you, even call you just to hear your voice, but he knows he would end up cracking, likely in tears, like a child seeking comfort from his mother.

Spencer is supposed to be strong, to be an exceptional husband for an exceptional wife; and lately, he feels incapable of being either. While keeping his distance is probably not the best solution, until he can get his life back in order and control his feelings, it will have to suffice.

You'll understand — you always do, in the end.

It was a mistake. A terrible mistake, because when he returns to the apartment, which smells of dust and exudes solitude, his heart sinks when his call remains unanswered and the silence persists.

"Honey?" His voice breaks terribly as he enters your bedroom to find the bed made, and your side of the bed devoid of your extra fluffy pillow and your small heavy, soft blanket. "Love, this isn't funny —"

Spencer's words die in his throat as he discovers the small pile of seemingly innocuous papers on the counter, topped with a simple pen. He knows what it is without even having to read, but that doesn't mean he accepts the situation immediately. He frowns, opening and closing his mouth as his trembling fingers touch the first page.

Spencer's eyes burn as an overwhelming emotion weaves through his bones.

"No," he murmurs, finally finding the courage to read the words inked on the page, his lower lip trembling and his breath hitching. "No, it's not supposed to be like this," Spencer articulates, shaking his head.

He fumbles feverishly in his pants pocket, and the only reason he manages to dial your number despite the tears blurring his vision is sheer habit. It's only when the dial tone sounds in his ear that he lets out a curse through clenched teeth and a deep sob shakes his entire body.

He tries again, and again, until...

Until his number is blocked, and that's when Spencer Reid fully realizes how much he's ruined the best thing that ever happened to him. All because he was afraid of his own mind.

...

...

JJ doesn't utter any reproachful words when Spencer shows up with his face marked by tears and his eyes reddened. He doesn't need to hear her thoughts to know she's thinking, "I told you so." And he can't even be mad about it.

"What do I do now?" Spencer asks miserably, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, his shoulders slumped. He doesn't want to divorce; he doesn't want to give up on the love of his life.

JJ doesn't know what to say, and Spencer doesn't even know what answer he's looking for. He has to pursue you, find you and hope he can explain himself, even if he doesn't deserve it, doesn't deserve your forgiveness for the way he's made you feel these past times.

Spencer surely chose the worst time to be selfish. But at this moment, he doesn't have the strength to care. All he wants is to belong to you again.

It takes several days for Spencer to find the courage to see you again. Of course, he knows where you are. He knows you by heart, after all.

...

...

When Spencer finally makes the decision to confront the situation, his heart is heavy but determined. The days apart have been excruciating, each moment filled with regret and longing. 

He's rehearsed what he wants to say a thousand times over, but now, standing at the threshold of possibly the most important conversation of his life, words seem to fail him.

The journey to you is a blur, his mind consumed with thoughts of how to mend what's been broken. He knows apologies are not enough, but they're a start. Spencer understands the magnitude of his mistake, the pain he's caused by shutting you out when he needed you the most. He's ready to open up, to share his fears and his struggles, hoping it's not too late to salvage the love you share.

As he arrives, his heart pounds with a mix of fear and hope. The anticipation of seeing you again, of possibly hearing your voice, fills him with a nervous energy he hasn't felt in a long time. Spencer knows the conversation ahead will be difficult, that there's a lot to work through, but he's committed to doing whatever it takes. He wants to prove that he can be the partner you deserve, that he can face his demons with you by his side.

Taking a deep breath, Spencer steps forward, ready to face whatever comes with honesty and love. He knows the path to reconciliation won't be easy, but he's hopeful. Hopeful that your shared history, the love and the memories you've built together, will be enough to overcome this challenge.

As he knocks on the door, waiting for an answer, Spencer rehearses his opening lines in his mind. "I'm sorry," will be his starting point, followed by the truth about his fears, his condition, and his deep-seated fear of burdening you.

But more than anything, he wants to convey his unwavering love for you, his desire to fight for your relationship, and his hope for a future together, despite the shadows that have crept into his life.

The door opens, and there you are.

[bonefall]

Hey Bones! Sorry if this is a bit random to ask you, but-

Is it ok if you elaborate and/or explain how Millie is ableist towards Briarlight please?

I haven’t really heard much people within the fandom talk about Millie’s treatment of Briarlight and her disability as negative and/or bad compared to Millie not really paying attention to Blossomfall within the books.

So I’m interested what you know and/or have to say about it.

OH boy, I feel like this one is REALLY easy to see if you just pop the book open. It will make your skin crawl once you see these quotes. Millie is an AWFUL mother and SHOCKING in how nasty she is to her disabled child.

I run in some pretty good circles and curate my Tumblr experience well, so I see plenty of people just mentioning it as a fucked up thing the series did casually, but I'll make a compilation of the worst of it.

(CW for some serious ableism, Millie is terrible.)

She's injured in Chapter 11 of OotS Book 2: Fading Echoes, and Millie is obsessive over her until Chapter 9 of OotS Book 3: Night Whispers. She's interfering with Jayfeather's treatments, constantly in the den, shouting at him when he tries to be honest about Briarlight's condition.

But that would be understandable. She's concerned and the prognosis isn't great. Her very young, athletic daughter (basically 17-ish) has suddenly received a life-altering injury that will drastically affect her life. Until Night Whispers Chapter 9, she's just worrying about her daughter.

And then we get this.

(Please note this is happening in front of the entire Clan. The entire social group is watching this.)

Though Briarlight expressed frustration with her exercises and how painful and difficult recovery was in Fading Echoes, that is not the case in Night Whispers. At this point, it's difficult but Briarlight is recovering well. MILLIE decides that her daughter being alive with a disability is suffering.

Note how in this exchange, Jayfeather is being forced to comfort Briarlight's MOTHER. Not BRIARLIGHT herself, the one with the injury who is looking at a massive upheaval to her life. Though superficially it seems like this is coming from a place of love, Millie is making Briarlight's recovery about herself by doing this, and this exchange is ableist.

Millie: "I want her to do all of these able-bodied things."

Jay: "That will not happen, but life has inherent value."

Millie: "No it doesn't, if you cannot do those able-bodied things, you are suffering."

But it gets worse because it's not even that she's only expressing this in private. Her daughter is within earshot. The newly disabled person is listening to their own fucking mother call her medical treatment "dragging out her suffering."

BURN this passage into your mind. Having heard her OWN FUCKING MOTHER cry to a crowd of cats that maybe it would be better if she was DEAD, watching several cats drop everything to comfort HER for having a disabled daughter, Briarlight has to drag herself out and act like a cute baby to get her to stop making a public spectacle.

It's hard to describe to someone who hasn't been in the situation before, but if your parent is making a scene like that, it'll end up falling onto you to "appeal" to their sense of... parental valor, is the best way I can put it. "See? Aren't I getting better? I promise I'll work hard. I'm not hurt it's okay! Everything is fine!" You give them a chance to affirm how good of a parent they are, for helping you, or 'putting up' with you. You have to assure them that your existence isn't so bad.

In essence, it falls onto the child to comfort their parent.

This is specifically a form of a toxic family dynamic called emotional parentification, on top of it being obviously ableist. She is being shoved into a position where she needs to sacrifice her OWN need for support and comfort to coddle her parent, to STOP her from making a scene, while that parent screams that her disabled life is worth less than her siblings' abled ones to a crowd of cats.

Naturally, this affects Briarlight's sense of self-worth. She stops eating.

Thankfully, Jayfeather is here to have an exchange about how her life has value. For all my issues with Jayf in later arcs, he has some of his best moments here in OotS.

In later books, Briarlight's struggles with self-worth continue. It's all shit that Millie implied about her being less useful because she is unable to do what her siblings can.

It's every other cat who has to come in and assure Briarlight that she isn't worthless. Not Millie. Millie comes on screen and she's either making Briarlight feel like garbage or barking at Jayfeather for not doctoring hard enough.

She desperately craves independence. This above scene is happening because she wanted to come out into the woods for the first time in forever, and she's being suffocated and bossed around in the camp constantly. It was up to her brother, Bumblestripe, to do anything to help her.

Not her dad. Not her mom. Bumblestripe. (Rare Bumblestripe W)

I also want to take a brief moment to point out a detail that the fandom often forgets, about Blossomfall. She actually knows full well that her feelings are unreasonable here, and she believes that the fact she isn't feeling "what she is supposed to" is proof that she is a bad person who deserves hell.

Millie's actions are crushing ALL of her children under its weight. Briarlight is obviously getting the worst of it, but these are YOUNG adults, just out of apprenticeship, and Blossomfall is being told that her sister is in a constant state of "suffering." This means she's not allowed to be frustrated about how Millie is behaving, because hating THAT means you hate your sister, and that makes her an awful person.

What Blossomfall is describing here is the feelings associated with being a glass child.

But no it's not JUST that she's being neglectful to Blossomfall, who yes, is a young adult and can take responsibility for her own actions. Millie is being nasty to Bloss too, directly comparing her to Briarlight and unironically doing the "You should be GRATEFUL you can walk when BRIARLIGHT WOULD DO ANYTHING TO LEGS AROUND."

Again. I'll state the very obvious from the passage.

"Hey Millie, your other daughter looks kinda upset right now!" = "PERFECT TIME TO SNAP AT HER"

Blossomfall = Wasted her morning when she should be Useful

Useful = Can hunt

"YOUR SISTER wouldn't act like this"

Proper warrior = spends every waking minute in service of the clan

Once again, Millie does this in public, with several people watching her rip into her child. She even gets ANGRY at Brackenfur gently trying to soften the blow. It's freakjob shit to hear, "h-hey, at least they're safe!" and SNARL back "IS IT?"

Millie continues to hover over Briarlight well into Bramblestar's Storm. The closure for these intense, insulting comments, public embarrassments, snapping at and neglecting one child while telling the other one that her life was "suffering" because she can't walk is.....

millie watches her do some pull-ups and is so impressed by them she isn't bigoted anymore :o)

"my daughter's membership at British Planet Fitness paid off. Look at how big her biceps are now. I guess I was wrong to tell her that her life is inherently suffering because she can't hunt, just look at her gooooo"

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

So, basically, Millie's a terrible parent. She never gets properly called out for this manipulative, toxic behavior. She says that her own daughter might have been better off dead in public. She makes Briarlight feel like half of a cat because she can't do all the things her siblings do, while her siblings are told that they should be grateful they're not disabled like Briarlight.

And just to end off, because it's relevant, the BRAND NEW writing team then killed off Briarlight in an incredibly stupid, insulting way. She catches fucking Greencough in AVoS so that they can have a very sad funeral for a couple of chapters, before moving on to Jayfeather being a shithead to Alderheart for being friends with Velvet.

Then they wrote a line in Squirrelflight's Hope where Squilf's mother begs her to stay dead in heaven, because if she goes back to life, she might be disabled like Briarlight and her mate Bramblestar won't want her anymore. The line was so bad the authors promised that it wouldn't be there in reprints; the reprint still has not come.

normal series.

[yelenasdiary]

off topic i just had a thought of imagine yelena being a security guard/prison officer and reader is in jail for (something but they're the city's known inmate..) they get anonymous notes into their cell every night saying explicit things ;) and it turns out it's yelena cause she can't help herself..

no but the muscles and biceps yelena would have as a prison guard 😳

Dirty Little Notes

Pairing: Security Guard! Yelena x College Student! Reader 

Summary: After weeks of receiving anonymous notes slipped under your door, the secret admire is finally caught red handed.

Warnings: Smut, 18+ ONLY! Men & Minors DNI! Daddy Kink, Dumbification Kink, Edging (Reader Receiving), BDSM (Gun Play), Use of Strap On, Squirting, Legal Age Gap (R 22, Y 30), Oral (Reader Receiving), Virgin/Innocent Reader, Possessive/Semi-dark & Pervy Yelena, Mentions of Masturbation, Loss of Virginity, Language Warning | 3.1K

Translations: Detka (baby), милый (darling), printsessa (princess), кукла (doll), ты такая красивая (you’re so pretty), 

AC: Firstly, lets ignore my terrible edit & Secondly, Reader is maybe a little too innocent and I may or may not have gotten carried away….whoops!!

Finally, it was Friday and the only plans you had for the night were to be curled up in bed reading over your notes that you collected during the lectures you had during the day. Your best friend, Kate, teased you over your plans. Saying they were boring, and you needed to let the weekend be for relaxing, letting 'loose' and making memories. But you were more so on the organized side of things, you liked making Saturday and Sunday your days of relaxing and doing whatever you liked. 

"I probably won't be back tonight" Kate spoke as she packed a few belongings into her backpack. She was going to get another frat party and would probably crash at one of her archer friends' dorms. You didn't mind at all; you study better by yourself anyways. 

"Just be safe, please! Don't leave your drink unattended" you replied before taking a bite out of your oat bar. Kate groaned, "you sound like a mother, don't study too hard" She threw her bag over her shoulder and was out the door before you bothered to say another word, you just rolled your eyes and shook your head. 

Little did Kate know, you did have something planned other than studying. For weeks, every Friday night a note is slipped under your door addressed to you. You've never caught who has been doing it but the explicit words on the paper had an effect on you. At first you thought they were creepy and disgusting and you would throw them away instantly but soon they became more explicit and you couldn't help yourself knowing they were turning you on. 

It was when one of the notes mentioned your virginity that made you wonder who on earth the admirer was. Nobody knew that you were a virgin, not even Kate. You felt slightly embarrassed that you were still a virgin but you just never found somebody special enough to share that with. 

The notes on the other hand, you began saving, you had them hidden in a show box under your bed. Only a few times have you re-read over them while your free hand was slipped into your underwear rubbing light circles around your clit as you pictured the mysterious person doing exactly what was inked on the paper. It made you feel dirty but even more so turned on and tonight, you wanted to catch the person leaving you such notes for your eyes to feast on. You set a tiny camera just outside your room and watched any action from an app on your phone, as you waited, you would read over your study notes. 

A pair of black boots came to a stop at your door, the camera so and set up in the pot plant by your door, it was only able to get the legs and shoes of those passing by. Quickly and as quietly as you could, you threw your notepad to the side and almost pounced at your door. Opening it, you finally caught them in action on one knee read to slip another note under your door. 

"It's been you?" you spoke in surprise as the blonde looked up at you, "y-you're a s-security guard" you added. The woman rose to her feet and smirked, "I guess you caught me" Her eyes worked their way up your body. Of course, you had a few ideas on who you thought would've been leaving you the notes, but never did it cross your mind that it would be the college's Russian security guard. 

"Were you expecting somebody else, detka?" Yelena added, breaking your thoughts. 

Yelena was a new security guard at the college, having roughly been working here for 4-5 months. She always smiled softly at you whenever you locked eyes with her, sometimes you noticed she followed you and Kate from a far until you both got back to your dorm, you just assumed she was just making sure you both got back safely but now you couldn't help but think that maybe she was only doing it to get close to you. 

"Answer me, милый" Yelena brushed her index finger over your cheek, distracting you as she made herself welcome inside your room. 

"N-no" you replied in a slight stutter as she closed the door behind her. Her eyes full of hunger as they dropped to your lips, "why d-did you write those things?" you asked. Yelena refreshed her lips, running her tongue over them. 

"I couldn't help myself. You walk around this campus like a lost little puppy and all those outfits you wear? Don't even get me started on the how many times I had to stop myself from coming in her and giving you exactly what you want" the guard explained, watching how your eyes avoided hers and how you so badly wanted to trap your bottom lip between your teeth at her words. 

"but" she went on, brushing a lock of hair behind your ear, "then I realised, you're just an innocent little thing that needs me" 

"N-needs you?" you looked at her for a brief second before letting your head slightly drop in embarrassment. Yelena lifted your chin up with her finger, looking deeply into your eyes ready to devour you in a second, "Tell me, did my little notes turn you on dekta?" she asked. Your eyes quickly shifted away from her, too embarrassed to answer. She smirked knowing you were too shy to answer her.

"Did you touch yourself to them detka?" The blonde's eyes dropped to your hands that played with the hem of your shirt with nerves before she gently cupped your chin with one hand, making you look at her once more, "answer me" she added bluntly. Your mind having a mind of its own nodded ever so gently at her question. Your actions only made the blonde want you more.

Slowly, she pressed her lips against yours making you gasp at first before melting into her lips. Her hands came down to your waist, pulling you closer into her, "do you want me to stop?" she asked quietly against your lips. As if your mind had a mind of its own, you shook your head making Yelena smirk once more before continuing to kiss you. 

She wasted no time walking you backwards until the back of your legs came into contact with your bed, one of her hands wrapped around your wrist, pulling your hand to her crutch. "Do you feel that detka?" she asked with another devilish like smirk on her lips. You nodded, surprised that she was packing. "Good, because I need to get you nice a ready for my strap" she added before pushing you onto your bed, crawling on top of you to kiss your soft lips once more. 

A light moan left your lips when the security guard's lips made their way to your neck. Nobody had ever kissed your neck before, let alone touched you as much as Yelena had already. Yelena stopped her actions and lent back, looking at you as she pulled her glock from its holster, "open that pretty mouth up for me, милый" she instructed as she brought the weapon to your lips. It frightened you at first but your mouth opened, obeying her words. The coldness of the glock caused you to close your eyes as the action sent a throb to your core. 

"You really are just a dumb little кукла, aren't you?" Yelena asked with a chuckle as she watched you lay in front of her with her the top of her glock resting on your tongue, "suck it" she added rather bluntly. Your mind reminded you of the times when you were curious and watched a video of a woman giving a blow job to a strap on and naturally, your lips closed around the gun as you began to suck lightly, your salvia pooling from the corner of your lips. 

Yelena watched as she straddled your waist, watching as you began to lose yourself in the moment, your clit throbbing with need to be touched, the wet patch on your panties only growing as you continued to swirl your tongue around the tip of the unloaded weapon. "Take this off, dekta" Yelena spoke, pulling your t-shirt up before you helped and removed the clothing, throwing it to the floor leaving you in your bra and pajama bottoms. Yelena couldn't help but lick her lips once more, "ты такая красивая" she whispered. You didn't understand Russian but you understood that hearing her talk to you in Russian only made you wetter for her.

Her lips trailed down your body while one of her free hand's removed her gun from your lips and placed it on your bedside table. You were slightly glad to have the taste of cold metal leave your lips, you watched as the blonde slowly began to remove your bottoms. Your cheeks turned red when Yelena smirked and looked up at you. 

"You've ruined your panties, кукла" she said in a teasing tone, "don't tell me it's because you liked sucking on my gun" she added just to watch your cheeks darken in color. "Or is this all because of my little notes, huh?" Yelena went on. Embarrassment set in as you reached to hide your face only to be stopped by Yelena's grip on your wrist, "answer me" she added.

"P..p-please" you begged, not entirely sure what you were even begging for. 

"What do you want huh? How can daddy help you if you don't tell me what you want" Yelena replied, letting go of your wrist. 

"T..touch me, p-please" the words flew from your lips, your clit throbbing harder with every passing second. 

"Please what?" Yelena smirked once more. 

"D-daddy, please!"

"As you wish" she replied before pulling your panties off and throwing them to the floor with the rest of your clothing. She pushed your legs apart before looking up at you from between your legs. "If you cum, I stop, and I'll never touch you again. If you be a good little whore for daddy and cum when I say you can, I'll make sure you'll be sore the next two days, do you understand, or do I need to repeat myself?" 

You nodded almost instantly at her words, "I understand" you replied hoping she would just dive into your pussy but of course, she didn't.

"Wrong answer!" Her jaw clenched.

"I u-understand daddy!" you corrected yourself rather quickly and with that, the security guard didn't waste another second before you felt her tongue slide through your folds making you moan at the feeling you'd never felt before. Your moans only grew with every flick of her tongue, the tip ever so slightly dipping into your pussy making you almost forget for a moment that you were a virgin. Her tongue worked wonders on your clit, kitty licks making your hole clench around nothing as you brought a hand to her head, trying to push her deeper into you. 

"F-fuck!" you moaned, "feels s'good!" you added with a handful of the blonde's locks. 

It didn't take Yelena long to work out your body, almost as if she had magic. She knew you were about to cum, that's when she stopped, licked her lips and began to kiss her way up your body to your lips once more. A soft moan left your lips at the sweet taste of yourself on her tongue, "why did you stop? Did I do something wrong, did I c-cum?" you asked with a light frown. Yelena's head tilted slightly to the left, her pupils widened, "have you never cum before?" she asked. You shrugged slightly, "I'm not too sure" you admit. 

"Well then" Yelena bit her bottom lip as her right hand traveled down to your clit, "you're going to love it when you do" she added before rubbing light circles on your clit to tease you. Her touch made your eyes close as you moaned at the blonde teasing you. Your mind remembering some of the notes she left you, mentioning a few of the many things she so badly wanted to do you and without a second thought or control of your own words, you whimpered before whispering, "fuck me, daddy"

Yelena had you right where she wanted you, brainless and begging for her, just like she mentioned in her dirty little notes. She couldn't control the hungry smirk that tugged at her lips at your words, "yeah? You want daddy to fuck you huh?" she asked in an almost teasing tone. You nodded, "I n-need you, p-please daddy" you begged in between moans as she began to rub tighter circles around your clit, your untouched entrance clenching with hunger. 

She worked your clit until your back arched and she knew you were close to cumming, she stopped instantly earning herself a groan of frustration from you as you looked at her, "p-please! I'll be good, I need you daddy!" You begged once more. 

"What are you begging for huh? You're so stupid you don't even know if you've ever cum before, how do you know you need me huh?" Yelena spoke as she leant back taking in the view of your naked body in front of her. She was right, you had no idea what exactly you were begging for, you just knew you needed her. 

"Like you s-said in the notes" you replied shyly, "I want that, please" you added. Yelena leant forward and kissed your lips softly before kissing your jaw line to your left ear, "I'll give you what you want but you're mine, do you understand? Nobody is allowed to touch you like I do" she whispered, sending a rush to your core, you nodded at her words. "Yours, I p-promise" you replied.

Knowing she had you the way she wanted, the way she wished every time she saw you walking from classes, she leant back and undid her pants letting her silicon cock spring for your eyes to widen at the size. 

"T-that's big" you stuttered, slightly scared of how on earth it would ever fit inside of you. 

"Don't worry your dumb little brain about that detka, it's only 9 inches and daddy will make sure it fits" she spoke as she used your arousal as a lube, running the trip of the toy between your folders, brushing over your clit earning herself a small moan from you. "But it'll h-hurt" you added in worry. Yelena nodded, "yes detka, it will but only for a moment then daddy will make sure you feel good again, do you trust me?" she looked up at you giving you a moment to relax before you nodded in reply. 

"Daddy will take it nice slow" Yelena replied as the tip of her strap began to enter your pussy. Your fists were quickly full of your bedsheets, your eyes tightly closed shut as the burning feeling of your virginity being taken rushed through your body. Yelena was slow, only entering you inch by inch, tears pooling at your eyes but you didn't want her to stop. You felt her lips on yours once more, kissing you deeply to distract you from the pain, she whispered "you're almost there detka".

Within minutes, you were full, taking her entire toy. Yelena smiled softly at you, "you let daddy know when it's okay to move, okay?" she spoke, brushing your hair from your face while she stayed completely still inside you until you were comfortable for her to move her lips. The burning feeling faded to nothing, you refreshed your lips with your tongue and nodded while looking into her eyes, "I'm ready"

Yelena started slowly, thrusting in and out with both her hands interlocked with yours while her tongue explored in the inside of your mouth, muffling your moans as she worked you up to taking her thrusts faster. 

"Feels s'good!" you moaned when she began to fuck into you harder, her hands now supporting her from crushing you while you brought your hands to her back, stretching up and down at the feeling she was giving you. "Fuck кукла, you're taking me so fucking well" Yelena praised. Your room was full of the sounds of your moans mixed with Yelena's thighs slapping against your skin as she brought you closer to your orgasm. 

"D-daddy, s-stop!" you moaned, your hands trying to push her away at her thighs, "I need the toilet!" you added quickly as each thrust only made the feeling grow bigger. 

"Shh, you don't need the toilet" Yelena brought her thumb to your clit making your back arch, "let it go detka, cum!" she added while you squirm to avoid breaking her only rule, don't cum unless she says. With her permission, your body let go and a flow gushed out of you when Yelena pulled out her strap, you moaned her name loudly with your back still arched and your head thrown back. She smiled proudly as she took in the view of your soaked pussy while you caught your breath.

"I'm s-sorry!" you spoke once you came down from your high, your eyes filled with worry that the security guard would be mad at you. 

"Don't be sorry detka, daddy just fucked you so dumb you squirted" Yelena informed you as she rubbed her hands up and down your thighs seeing you spaced out from your intense orgasm, "What's wrong detka, did daddy fuck you stupid?" Yelena asked which a cocky smirk on her lips. 

"Y-yes" you replied, closing your eyes as you soaked up the feeling of bliss that ran through your body, ignoring the slight pain you were feeling from her harsh thrusts into you. 

"My dumb, perfectly little кукла" she spoke as stood up from your bed, "let daddy clean you up now" she added as she walked over to the small sink in your bathroom, given you had a suite-style dorm. She grabbed a cloth and soaked it in warm water before returning to you. 

After she cleaned you up, she removed the fluffy throw blanket that was once folded neatly on the end of your bed and threw it with your removed clothes that sat on the floor. "Which drawer are your pyjamas in?" Yelena asked, too exhausted to use your words, you pointed to the third drawer of your dresser. Yelena got out one of your extra oversized t-shirts you used to sleep in and a fresh pair of panties before she helped you redress, "I wish I could stay detka, but my shift is about to start. I finished at 6am, I'll stop buy with breakfast, okay?" You heard her speak as she helped you into bed, pulling the covers over you. All you could bare to do was nod in reply before drifting off to sleep. 

Yelena placed a soft kiss on your temple before leaving your dorm, making sure to lock the door from the inside of course.

Taglist: @red1culous | @bentleywolf29 | @jeyramarie | @lissaaaa145 | @high--power | @parkerdaramitzzzz | @mmmmokdok | @wackymcstupid | @kiwiana145 | @valiantmugcowboyscissors | @observeowl  | @nattyolw | @ripofflizzie | @get-the-fuck-outta-here | @goofy-goonie | @makegoodchoices | @apollo2907 | @marvelfan98 | @wandaroman0ff | @dumb-fawkin-bitch | @lovelyy-moonlight | @santana1437 | @fluffyblanketgecko | @puta1 | @inluvwithfictionalwomen | @tintedrose12 | @jaymieflorissssssss | @tita001 | @youralphawolf72 | @crescent-witch | @randomnessbecausewhynot | @natashamaximoff69 | @a-dorkier-book-keeper | @hehehehannahthings | @secrettoallofyou | @romantic-slaps-on-the-asss | @marvel-fan-2021 | @mmmmokdok | @riveramorylunar | @ripofflizzie | @toldthatdevil | @itsmv3 | @katiemay-025 | @maria-403 | @boredandneedfanfics | @wandamaximoffspuppup | @xox-little-troublemaker-xox | @irishhappiness | @music-4ever | 

[live-laugh-neteyam]

97 & 98 w/ whoever from the 101 prompt thing.

maybe reader got shot in the spine and is recovering, but is stubborn and doesn't ask for help. they catch reader breaking down bc she can't stand long enough to wash herself.

maybe Jake bc he can relate w/ him being in a wheelchair previously or one of the boys (Ao'nung, Roxto, Lo'ak, Neteyam) bc they feel somewhat responsible.

can b platonic or romantic, idc.

Thanks!

Take Care Of You ||| sully family x omatikaya!reader

masterlist

pairings: sully family x omatikaya!fem!reader

summary: sully’s stick together

words: 1k

warnings/notes: injury, gunshot wounds, recovery, angst with sweet moments, use of y/n

It was never supposed to happen. The bullet wasn’t meant for you. But how could you just stand there and watch when your brother was in danger? Taking fate into your own hands you pushed Neteyam out of the line of fire.

You don’t remember much after that.

In and out of consciousness you remember Neteyam pleading with you to stay awake, your father looking over your wound, and your mother’s screams. The blood curdling screams of your mother was something that you could never forget.

A miracle.

That’s what Ronal said after examining you. The bullet lodged into your spine should’ve killed you, but Eywa had shown you mercy.

Lucky.

That’s what Norm said after extracting the bullet. Jake insisted on calling Norm and Max out to look at you. Not that he didn’t trust Na’vi medicine, but he was once human. Old habits die hard.

The first few months were hell. You weren’t dead but you felt like you were. You wished you were. It would be a long road to recovery and you weren’t sure you had the patience for it.

Especially when everyone looked at you the way they did. Eyes full of guilt and regret. The pity that flood their eyes. It made you feel sick to your stomach.

Your brothers weren’t very good at hiding their guilt. There was a part of you that felt bad for them. You knew they felt at fault and they were letting it eat at them.

“I thought you were a goner.” Lo’ak joked around. His laugh never reach his eyes though. You could see the fear they still held.

Neteyam was with you on the day you finally could sit up by yourself. He was proud of you, he truly felt happiness for your accomplishment. But the guilt was crawling it’s way back up.

You were no longer the mighty warrior he grew up with. You’d never be her again. That split second decision changed the course of your life for forever. Relearning even basic things, everything would now be a challenge for you.

Neteyam hated himself for it. It wasn’t supposed to be you.

Jake was able to keep his feelings to himself. Only letting it effect him in private. He was forced to watch you struggle every single day with nothing he could do to fix it.

He related all too well with what you were going through. Jake didn’t think he’d ever have to deal with something like this again after his consciousness transfer.

But there you were, his babygirl stubbornly trying to recover on her own. He cursed your hardheadedness but a part of him understood. Jake was the exact same way when he was a human. He couldn’t stand the looks of pity he’d received; it made him work harder to prove himself.

Jake blamed himself for what happened. A father protects and he couldn’t even do that. The whole point of uprooting his family was to protect them. Every time he looked at you he was reminded of his failure.

For the past few weeks you had been working on your mobility. Everyone told you to take it slow, not to overdo it. You couldn't help but rush into things, itching for the taste of freedom you missed terribly.

Reaching out for the walking stick your father had brought you, you attempted to stand up. Wincing you leaned onto the cane even more. With one hand you dipped a rag into the bowl of water by your bedside.

You felt gross. It had been months since you had a proper bath. This wasn't what you wanted but it would have to do. Trying to run the cloth over your arm was proving harder than you originally anticipated.

Your body was starting to ache. Your legs felt like they were set on fire. Panting like you had just run a marathon you were exhausted. Not being able to stand any longer you collapsed back onto your bed.

Tears stung your eyes. You were frustrated with yourself. You weren't even able to do simple things for yourself. Grieving the life you lived before you let your sadness overtake you. Hiccuping as sobs escaped you.

Neteyam's ears twitched as he heard crying coming from your room. Protective instincts kicking in he rushed towards your room.

"Y/N?" He tentatively asked before bolting in.

The sound of your brothers voice made you prickle up. Quickly wiping off your face in hopes he wouldn't notice your tears.

His heart sank at the sight of you. Putting up a strong façade throughout your healing process, you never acted like anything bothered you. The broken girl he saw before him was new.

“You were crying, weren't you?" He asked.

“What does it matter?” You huffed.

“What’s wrong?” He breathed taking a seat next to you.

“What isn’t wrong?” You mumbled as more tears fell. “I can’t do anything anymore. I’m useless.”

“You are a lot of things sister. Stubborn and hardheaded? Yes. Useless? You could never be useless.” Neteyam gently wrapped his arm around you for a hug.

“You saved my life Y/N. How could you think so little of yourself?” He frowned.

“You would’ve done the same for me Neteyam.”

“That’s not the point. You didn’t have to. I owe you my life.” He stressed. “Now what can I do to help you?”

“It’s fine Neteyam, I don’t need anything.” You tried you best to brush him off.

“You’re hurt. Let me take care of you.” He pleaded.

“Fine.” You nodded. “Could you help me freshen up?” You asked sheepishly.

“Of course.” He jumped into action taking the discarded bowl and cloth.

“You know we’re all here for you right?” Neteyam asked after a few moments. “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

All you could do was nod. You felt stupid. Knowing you needed help and that your family was more than happy to provide it; you pushed them out trying to do everything on your own.

“What’s dad always say?” His tone teasing.

“Sully’s stick together.” You muttered rolling your eyes.

“That’s right.” Neteyam nodded as he dabbed your skin with the cloth. “You’re gonna get through this Y/N. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.”

“Okay.” You nodded. “I’ll try to be better at asking.”

Your brother nodded seemingly satisfied with your answer. You were the strongest person he knew, he had no doubt that’d you be able to pull through.

After all Sully’s stick together

Taglist:

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[saturnsbabyboii]

⚷ Chiron (The Wounded Healer) ⚷

⚷ Brief Introduction ⚷

In Greek mythology, Chiron's mother was a water nymph who turned herself into a horse while trying to run from Zeus' amorous overtures. She was not able to escape. She later became pregnant with Zeus's offspring, and when she gave birth, she was shocked to see that her newborn was half horse, half boy. The mother was so terrified that she prayed to the gods to be changed into a tree. Her wish was granted. Thus, both of Chiron's parents abandoned him. Despite his pain and sorrow, he became a skilled teacher and healer. One day, while he was handing a poisoned arrow to a student, it dropped and pierced his leg. As the son of a god, he was immortal, yet he was still made of flesh and blood; The pains of the poison coursing through his body made him suffer greatly. In terrible pain, he prayed to the gods to let him die. In gratitude for his teachings, they granted his wish and placed him in the sky.

Chiron is the wounded healer. This planetoid is for everyone who, rather than giving into despair amid their suffering, reaches out so others will not have to experience the pain they've felt. This can especially be seen in people who have had a painful childhood and go on to be psychiatrists, therapists, or counselors. These people feel the influence of Chiron. It can be healing for a person to help others cope with a pain that they have lived through.

As such, the sign and house Chiron resides in and how well (or not so well) it is aspected will shed light on our wounds. It helps us identify them, what/where they are hurting the most, and conversely, how to heal, transform and move on.

⚷ Chiron through the Houses ⚷

Chiron in the 1st house:

Chiron indicates that the native's wounds are related to their appearance and self-expression. Your self-confidence may have taken a severe hit at a young age. People with this placement were, in many cases, shy children. They were afraid of putting themselves out there and going after their dreams. As a child, you see only the negative in yourself. Chiron in this house can feel like you were observing your reflection in a distorting mirror. Having a clear sense of self is hard. Often, the environment could be more supportive too, and you get little positive encouragement. Because of this, working on your self-esteem is a must as an adult. You may feel unwanted, unattractive, or unworthy of acknowledgment and love. This placement can also indicate that you think that you are not allowed to enjoy life. You have to have faith in yourself and find power in your life choices. Living passively and with regret would be a common mistake and habit you need to break. You feel pain in being you, and remaining authentic to yourself instead of embodying someone else's projection would be transformative. Taking action and being unapologetic is critical to breaking yourself out of the mold. You help others do transformative work by leading as an example. You can become the image of someone who triumphs in life despite all obstacles.

Chiron in the 2nd house:

Chiron in the 2nd house raises issues around self-worth and self-value. Those with this placement may have experienced some form of trauma or wound around their finances or possessions, leaving them feeling insecure about their worthiness. This can manifest in various ways, including overspending or undervaluing oneself in relationships or career choices. However, these individuals can learn to heal and cultivate healthy self-esteem and self-worth with awareness and introspection. Despite the challenges, it's worth noting that Chiron in the 2nd house can also bring a unique gift of healing regarding self-worth and value issues. This placement can inspire a deeper understanding of one's true worth and the importance of self-care. Additionally, it can lead to a career or calling in the healing arts or counseling, allowing individuals to help others heal their own self-worth and value struggles.

Chiron in the 3rd house:

Chiron in the 3rd house holds various implications. First, this placement suggests that the person may have experienced some injury or trauma concerning their communication, learning, or sibling relationship. Consequently, they may have difficulty expressing themselves effectively or understanding others' perspectives. However, this placement also offers an opportunity for deep healing and growth through developing better communication skills and learning to accept and love oneself despite past hurts. Individuals with Chiron in the 3rd house may find themselves drawn to healing professions or have a natural talent for teaching and mentoring others. Moreover, this placement can be challenging but ultimately transformative, providing the potential for profound personal growth and healing. By embracing their wounds and working towards healing, individuals with this placement can develop greater self-awareness, empathy, and compassion toward others. Ultimately, the journey toward healing and growth can be challenging, but it can also lead to significant personal transformation and a deeper understanding of oneself and others.

Chiron in the 4th house:

Chiron in the 4th house can be challenging. This is because it often brings past wounds and emotional trauma related to one's family and home environment. Those with this placement may need to work hard to heal and process these issues to find a sense of emotional security and stability. It's not uncommon for people with Chiron in the 4th house to have experienced a difficult childhood or family life. This can manifest in various ways, including issues with trust, boundaries, and intimacy in adult relationships. However, with awareness and effort, this placement can bring profound healing and a sense of inner strength and resilience. While the healing process may take time and patience, those with Chiron in the 4th house have the potential to transform their past pain into wisdom and compassion for themselves and others. In addition, by working through these challenging experiences, individuals can emerge stronger and more self-aware. Ultimately, this placement can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth and transformation.

Chiron in the 5th house:

The positioning of Chiron in the 5th house indicates a profoundly ingrained wound or trauma closely related to self-expression and creativity. Individuals with this particular placement may have undergone experiences of rejection or criticism in their artistic pursuits, which could have led to a persistent fear of expressing their creativity or putting themselves out there in a vulnerable manner. However, this placement can also signify a potential for healing through creative expression. By embracing their unique talents and gifts, individuals with Chiron in the 5th house can discover a profound sense of purpose and fulfillment in their creative pursuits. It is essential to acknowledge that it may take considerable time and effort to overcome the wounds and insecurities associated with this placement. Still, with patience and self-compassion, it is possible to transcend the challenges and tap into the transformative power of the 5th house. The journey toward healing and self-discovery may not be easy, but it is undoubtedly worth it.

Chiron in the 6th house:

This placement of Chiron suggests pain related to criticism and feeling that you are not good enough. You feel that you don't fit in the workplace, are inadequate, or are unfit to oversee tasks. You tend to take criticism too seriously, especially when you are still learning and honing your skills. However, none of us is perfect. Pain related to loss of health is also possible. Keep a sense of awareness of mental health. When in a bad mental state, there's a tendency to develop feelings of loneliness, isolation, self-criticism, and Stockholm syndrome. Breaking the cycles of self-sabotage and depreciation is key to improving resolve and creating a positive internal monologue. However, with this particular house, there is a great potential for transformation and healing to occur. Individuals with this placement may be drawn towards alternative healing modalities or find that helping others with their health and work issues brings them a sense of fulfillment and purpose. For those with this placement to thrive, it is essential for them to prioritize self-care and find work that aligns with their values and passions. By doing so, they can turn their past wounds into strengths and contribute to the greater good. It is also important for them to recognize the potential for growth and healing within this placement and embrace it with open arms.

Chiron in the 7th house:

Chiron's position in the 7th house signifies a deep wound or sensitivity associated with relationships and partnerships. This placement may suggest that the person has undergone significant pain or trauma in their past relationships, making it difficult for them to establish healthy and well-balanced partnerships in the future. However, with a heightened sense of awareness and self-reflection, individuals with Chiron in the 7th house can utilize their experiences to grow and heal. They may discover that they are naturally drawn to partners who reflect their wounds, which can present a unique opportunity for healing and growth. In addition, they may have to improve their sense of self-worth and relationship independence to avoid falling into codependent patterns. Having Chiron in the 7th house can undoubtedly be a challenging placement, but it can also open avenues for profound healing and transformation in relationships. Therefore, it is essential to approach the challenges it brings with a positive mindset, as it can offer valuable lessons and experiences that can ultimately lead to personal growth and fulfillment.

Chiron in the 8th house:

Chiron in the 8th house indicates deep emotional wounds and trauma related to power, control, and intimacy. People with this placement may struggle with trust issues and vulnerability, as well as experiencing fear of abandonment and betrayal. It can possess a significant and transformative on planets aspects as well. However, the positioning of Chiron in the 8th house also offers the potential for powerful healing and transformation. By facing and working through their deepest emotional wounds, individuals with this placement can emerge stronger and more empowered than ever before. It is important to note that navigating the intense emotions and challenges that arise from this placement can be a difficult task. Therefore, it is advised for those with Chiron in the 8th house to seek support from trusted individuals, such as a therapist or spiritual advisor. These professionals can help individuals manage the intense feelings that may arise and assist them in their journey to healing and transformation. In conclusion, Chiron in the 8th house is a placement that can be both challenging and rewarding. With the proper support and approach, individuals can overcome their emotional wounds and emerge victorious.

Chiron in the 9th house:

Chiron in the 9th can evoke a profound yearning for spiritual development and comprehension. Individuals who possess this placement may have undergone some form of trauma or injury related to their beliefs or higher education, prompting them to seek healing in these domains. In addition, they may be strongly inclined to travel and explore diverse cultures to widen their worldview. The Chiron in the 9th house placement also suggests a potential for becoming a teacher or mentor, as they naturally guide others towards greater understanding and personal growth. However, those who bear Chiron in the 9th house must be mindful of any tendencies towards dogmatic or rigid thinking, as this can impede their own growth and constrain their ability to connect with others. By embracing a more open-minded and comprehensive approach to spirituality and education, individuals with this placement can discover profound healing and fulfillment in their pursuits.

Chiron in the 10th house:

The placement of Chiron in the 10th house significantly influences their professional trajectory and public image. Those who possess this placement may encounter difficulties in their career path, struggling with feelings of inadequacy or feeling wounded. However, with introspection and healing work, they can transform their experiences into a source of strength and compassion, becoming exemplary leaders in their respective fields. Additionally, individuals with this placement must learn to balance their personal and professional lives, as they may tend to prioritize their careers at the expense of their relationships. While navigating these challenges can be daunting, those who are willing to put in the inner work will find that Chiron in the 10th house can ultimately be a transformative experience. Through cultivating resilience and compassion, individuals with this placement can emerge as influential and inspiring figures in their communities and industries.

Chiron in the 11th house:

Chiron's in the 11th house pertains to experiences with friendships, social groups, and humanitarian causes. Those with this placement may struggle with a deep sense of woundedness regarding their social interactions, feeling like they don't quite fit in or belong with their peers. This can be partly due to past traumas or experiences of rejection in these areas. Despite these challenges, however, Chiron's influence can also bring about a profound sense of empathy and compassion for others in those with this placement. This may manifest as a desire to help those who have also experienced social exclusion or marginalization or a natural talent for creating a sense of community and bringing people together. It's important to note that this placement can be particularly challenging, as individuals may feel as though they are constantly struggling to find their place within social groups or causes. However, with Chiron's influence, there is also the potential for profound growth and healing in the realm of social connection and collective consciousness. Again, this may involve facing and working through past traumas or wounds. Still, it can ultimately lead to a more profound sense of purpose and fulfillment in one's social interactions and contributions to the greater good.

Chiron in the 12th house:

Chiron in the 12th house can be a source of significant difficulty for the natives. This placement can bring up deeply buried wounds and traumas that may have remained hidden or repressed for an extended period. In addition, the 12th house is associated with the unconscious mind, spirituality, and the collective unconscious, so having Chiron here can indicate a profound need for healing on a soul level. Individuals with Chiron in the 12th house may experience difficulty with feelings of loneliness, isolation, and disconnection from the world around them. They may possess a solid intuitive or psychic ability but may need help understanding how to channel it healthily. As a result, this can lead to confusion or a sense of being overwhelmed by the emotions and energies around them. However, Chiron in the 12th house can also serve as a potent placement for transformation and spiritual growth. By confronting their deepest fears and wounds, individuals with this placement can better understand themselves and their place in the world. This may also lead to developing a deep sense of compassion and empathy for others, and they may feel driven to help those suffering in some way.

⚷ Chiron in the Signs ⚷

Chiron in Aries:

Chiron in Aries can bring up a lot of past wounds and traumas related to personal identity and self-expression. People with this placement may have experienced early childhood experiences where they could not fully express themselves or were criticized for being too assertive or independent. As a result, they may struggle with feelings of inadequacy or a fear of being rejected for speaking their truth. However, Chiron in Aries also offers healing and growth opportunities through learning to embrace and assert one's individuality healthily and constructively. This can involve setting boundaries, communicating assertively, and cultivating a strong sense of self-worth. Ultimately, Chiron in Aries can teach us that our unique identity and voice are valuable and worthy of expression and that we have the power to create our own path in life.

Chiron in Taurus:

The placement of Chiron in Taurus typically signifies a profound attachment to the earth and a strong inclination towards stability and security. Individuals possessing this placement may have encountered early traumas regarding issues of self-worth and material abundance, leading to a lifelong voyage of self-healing and self-discovery. Nevertheless, with perseverance and dedication, these individuals can harness their inherent qualities of patience, perseverance, and practicality to establish a firm foundation for themselves and others. They may also possess a flair for working with their hands or creating physical beauty. The ultimate lesson of Chiron in Taurus is that authentic wealth originates from within, and we possess the ability to develop our own sense of security, regardless of what life may present to us.

Chiron in Gemini:

Chiron in Gemini is an exciting placement that can bring many intellectual curiosity and communication skills. People with this placement may have experienced early wounds related to communication, learning, or siblings that have shaped their worldview. However, they also have the potential to be great teachers and communicators, using their own experiences to help others learn and grow. It's important for those with Chiron in Gemini to work on healing any wounds related to communication and to embrace their natural curiosity and desire for knowledge. With a bit of self-awareness and effort, they can turn their wounds into strengths and positively impact the world around them.

Chiron in Cancer:

Individuals with Chiron in Cancer often have a complex emotional history, as this placement can signify difficult experiences related to family and home life. These experiences may include abandonment or rejection by a parent or caregiver, which can lead to a persistent sense of insecurity and a need for emotional stability. However, with introspection and a commitment to personal growth, those with Chiron in Cancer can learn to nurture themselves and cultivate a sense of inner belonging that transcends external circumstances. Moreover, this placement can also indicate a natural talent for providing emotional support and comfort to others, as those who have experienced emotional pain themselves often develop deep empathy and understanding for the struggles of others.

Chiron in Leo:

The placement of Chiron in Leo can evoke emotions of inadequacy and insecurity when it comes to self-expression and creativity. Those who possess this placement may have faced unfavorable feedback or rejection in their artistic endeavors, leading to a fear of exposing their talents to the world. Nevertheless, through deliberate effort and therapeutic intervention, Chiron in Leo can also be a source of great power and assurance in one's unique abilities and gifts. Individuals with this placement must acknowledge their worth and significance as a creative entity and foster a sense of self-love and approval in order to fully unleash their creative potential.

Chiron in Virgo:

Chiron in Virgo indicates a profound yearning for healing and completeness, especially when it comes to matters of health and service. People with this placement may be strongly inclined towards aiding and mending others. However, they may also struggle with the tendency for perfectionism and self-criticism, which can lead to feelings of anxiety and stress. Additionally, those with Chiron in Virgo may find themselves overanalyzing and worrying excessively. Despite these challenges, by being mindful and compassionate towards oneself, individuals with Chiron in Virgo can tap into their healing abilities and utilize them to serve others significantly and meaningfully.

Chiron in Libra:

When Chiron is in Libra, it brings up various issues regarding relationships and partnerships. One may find it challenging to maintain balance and harmony within their relationships or need help setting boundaries and standing up for themselves. As a result, it is crucial to develop healthy communication skills and learn to appreciate one's own needs and desires in relationships. This placement may also indicate a tendency towards codependency or seeking validation through others, making cultivating a strong sense of self-worth and independence essential. Overall, Chiron in Libra presents an opportunity for growth and healing in the realm of relationships, but it may require some effort and self-reflection to achieve.

Chiron in Scorpio:

Individuals with Chiron in Scorpio may experience significant challenges related to power, control, and intimacy. This placement can bring deep-seated wounds and emotional trauma to the surface, which may manifest as feelings of betrayal and abandonment in relationships. Moreover, these individuals may hold onto grudges and resentments, making it difficult to move forward. However, when Chiron in Scorpio is harnessed and healed, it can become a powerful tool for transformation and healing. Those with this placement can become skilled healers and guides, helping others navigate their own journeys of growth and self-discovery.

Chiron in Sagittarius:

Individuals with Chiron in Sagittarius are known to possess an intense yearning for spiritual development and comprehension. This placement often instills a profound sense of purpose and a deep connection to personal beliefs. However, those with this placement may encounter difficulty finding a sense of belonging or experience a lack of understanding from others regarding their spiritual journey. Therefore, it is imperative for these individuals to seek out a supportive community that values and comprehends their quest for spiritual growth. Additionally, finding a balance between their aspiration for growth and the requirement to stay grounded and pragmatic in their day-to-day life is crucial for their overall well-being. Ultimately, Chiron in Sagittarius holds immense potential for personal growth and transformation.

Chiron in Capricorn:

Chiron's placement in Capricorn demands us to confront the wounds of our past and seek healing. Capricorn's uncompromising nature adds to the challenge, making it an uphill battle for many. However, we can transmute our pain into power with Chiron's guidance. This placement helps us address lingering issues related to our sense of self-worth, authority, and responsibility. Chiron in Capricorn inspires us to take control of our healing process and grow as individuals. It requires patience, perseverance, and courage to face our fears head-on, but the outcome is worth it. With this transit, we emerge as stronger, wiser, and more capable versions of ourselves.

Chiron in Aquarius:

The sign of Aquarius is renowned for its focus on humankind and progress, while Chiron is known as the wounded healer. Together, they create an intriguing combination that can suggest a person who is deeply committed to supporting others but may struggle with their own emotional and psychological scars. Individuals with Chiron in Aquarius are likely to possess a distinctive outlook on the world, one that is drawn to unconventional and progressive modes of thinking. They may also feel a strong pull towards humanitarian causes, taking on a great sense of responsibility for the well-being of others. However, the placement of Chiron in Aquarius can also signify a sense of detachment or emotional distance. These individuals may find it challenging to forge deep and meaningful connections with others or feel like outsiders in their social groups.

Chiron in Pisces:

Chiron in Pisces can trigger the emergence of intense emotional wounds that have been buried deep within. Therefore, it is crucial to dedicate time to processing and healing these wounds through therapeutic means, creative outlets, or spiritual practices. Additionally, this placement can heighten our sensitivity to the suffering of others and ignite a desire to alleviate their pain. However, it is imperative to maintain a balance between this desire and self-care, as Pisces tends to blur the boundaries between ourselves and others. In essence, Chiron in Pisces offers a unique opportunity for profound healing and compassion towards ourselves and those around us.

⚷ Chiron Aspects ⚷

Sun aspect Chiron:

When the Sun aspects Chiron, it signifies an opportune moment for growth and healing. Chiron symbolizes our innermost wounds and the ways in which we have been hurt in the past. Conversely, the Sun represents our sense of self and ability to radiate positively in the world. When these two energies converge, it presents a powerful opportunity to heal past wounds and step into our full potential. This aspect may elicit old pain and feelings of inadequacy; however, it also provides an opening to relinquish these limiting beliefs and embrace our true potential. With the Sun's brilliant light shining on the wounded areas of our lives, we can begin to perceive them in a new light and discover the courage to move forward.

Moon aspect Chiron:

When the Moon is in aspect with Chiron, it has the potential to trigger old emotional wounds and pain that may have been buried deep within us. However, this aspect can also provide healing and release opportunities if we are willing to confront and address these past traumas. It is essential to take the time to prioritize our emotional well-being and engage in self-care during this period. Our intuition can guide us in identifying what support we need, whether seeking assistance from loved ones or a therapist. It's important to remember that healing is a process that takes time, and it is perfectly acceptable to take things gradually, one step at a time.

Ascendant aspect Chiron:

Individuals with Chiron aspecting the ascendent may have undergone some form of early childhood trauma or wound, significantly influencing their identity and personality. However, this placement also implies that they possess the potential to use their experience to aid others and bring healing to those around them. As they mature and develop, they may find themselves attracted to professions in healthcare, counseling, or other helping professions. Individuals with this placement must prioritize their emotional well-being and seek support when necessary, as they may be more susceptible to emotional triggers and stress. Chiron's ascendant aspect can be a potent tool for personal growth and transformation if the individual is willing to confront and work through their inner wounds.

Mercury aspect Chiron:

The relationship between Mercury and Chiron in astrology is compelling, as these two entities symbolize the mind and communication in unique ways. Mercury embodies the concept of rational thinking, swift wit, and effective communication. Conversely, Chiron represents the wounded healer, signifying our most profound emotional wounds and the following healing process. When Mercury aspects Chiron in a birth chart, it can suggest that the individual has an inherent gift for communicating their pain and struggles. They may possess the ability to articulate their emotions and employ language to facilitate the healing process for themselves and others. However, this aspect may also imply a proclivity towards overthinking and self-doubt. The person might struggle with negative self-talk, making it arduous to trust their thoughts and opinions.

Venus aspect Chiron:

When Chiron makes an aspect to Venus in a natal chart, it can indicate a significant emotional wound associated with love, relationships, self-esteem, and beauty. This aspect may manifest as a sense of unlovability or unworthiness of love, challenges in establishing healthy relationships, or heartache and disillusionment in love. Nevertheless, Chiron's curative energy can also facilitate personal growth and transformation in these areas, as the individual learns to love and accept themselves and attract healthier relationships. Individuals with this aspect must focus on self-love and address past traumas linked to love and relationships.

Mars aspect Chiron:

Mars aspecting Chiron can evoke intense emotions and memories of past traumas. This alignment has the potential to be quite challenging, as it may stir up feelings of anger, frustration, and even hostility. However, it's crucial to recognize that this alignment can also present an opportunity for personal growth and healing. By confronting and gradually working through your inner pain, you can emerge stronger and more resilient. Astrology provides valuable insights into these intricate dynamics, and an experienced astrologer can offer guidance and support throughout this journey of self-discovery.

Jupiter aspect Chiron:

Jupiter aspecting Chiron in astrology can bring about a lot of healing and growth opportunities. Chiron represents our deepest wounds, and Jupiter represents expansion and growth. When these two come together in a harmonious aspect, such as a trine or sextile, we may find that our wounds are being healed through the process of personal growth and expansion. However, when these two come together in a challenging aspect, such as a square or opposition, we may find that our wounds are being exacerbated, and we may need to work harder to find the healing we need. Overall, Jupiter aspecting Chiron can be a powerful catalyst for healing and growth in our lives.

Saturn aspect Chiron:

When Saturn aspects Chiron, you may find yourself confronting deep-seated wounds and insecurities, specifically concerning your career and authority. These feelings may manifest as a sense of inadequacy or doubt in your ability to handle the responsibilities that come with leadership positions. But, even though this aspect can be challenging, it also presents an opportunity for growth and healing if you're willing to face your fears and work through them. To do so, it's important to take a practical and disciplined approach to your goals while also being kind and understanding to yourself throughout the process. Finally, remember that everyone's journey and struggles are unique and that asking for help and support is perfectly acceptable when needed.

Uranus aspect Chiron:

When Uranus aspects Chiron, there is a potential for breakthroughs in healing and growth. Uranus represents change, innovation, and awakening, while Chiron represents our deepest wounds and the potential for transformation through them. When these two energies come together, we may experience sudden insights, unexpected solutions, or new perspectives that help us move past limiting beliefs or patterns. However, it's essential to approach this energy with openness and receptivity, as Uranus can also bring disruption and upheaval if we resist its call for change. By working with the energy of Uranus and Chiron consciously and intentionally, we can tap into their transformative power and ultimately emerge stronger and more whole.

Neptune aspect Chiron:

Aspects between Neptune and Chiron can signal spiritual revival and advancement. This may stir up past traumas and emotional anguish, but it also offers a chance for profound insight and empathy. It is crucial to remain anchored and seek guidance from reliable sources, such as trusted confidants or well-versed professionals. Embracing your instincts and being receptive to unique perspectives has the potential to usher in remarkable healing and metamorphosis.

Pluto aspect Chiron:

When Pluto aspects Chiron, it's possible for old wounds and traumas to surface, requiring attention for healing and transformation. As outdated patterns and beliefs are challenged and released, this can trigger deep emotional and psychological growth. However, it's important to be aware that power struggles and intense emotions may arise as Pluto's intensity clashes with Chiron's sensitivity. Staying grounded and centered is crucial during this period, and seeking support from trusted friends, family, or therapists is necessary. Ultimately, this aspect can lead to profound self-healing and transformation as past wounds are confronted and released, paving the way for enhanced self-awareness and personal growth.

North Node aspect Chiron:

This particular aspect can prove to be quite daunting, as it unearths past traumas and vulnerabilities that we may have long thought were buried. However, it also presents an opportunity for growth and healing as it compels us to confront these issues and work through them in order to move forward. Through my personal experience, engaging in meditation and journaling has been instrumental in this process, as they provide a safe and supportive environment for me to reflect on my emotions and experiences. The North Node aspects to Chiron can be a powerful catalyst for personal transformation if we are willing to put in the work and face our fears head-on.

South Node aspect Chiron:

When the South Node is in aspect with Chiron, it implies that you may rely excessively on past experiences and patterns, especially those related to emotional wounds and traumas. This inclination towards familiar patterns may provide comfort, even if they are not beneficial or productive. However, this can hinder your progress and prevent healing from past hurts. Therefore, acknowledging and confronting these wounds to release them and move towards a healthier future is crucial. Additionally, this aspect may indicate a need to let go of old habits and beliefs that no longer serve you. By embracing new experiences and perspectives, you can cultivate a more fulfilling and balanced life.

Mean Lilith aspect Chiron:

Aspects of Lilith and Chiron significantly impact an individual's emotional wounds and healing process. Lilith represents our inherent instincts and uncontrollable desires, while Chiron symbolizes our deepest traumas and the path to recovery and personal development. This convergence of energies can lead to intense emotional struggles and a profound need for healing. Therefore, it is crucial to acknowledge and validate these wounds while striving to heal and attain a sense of completeness. Astrology serves as a valuable tool in this journey, offering insights and direction to navigate the intricate dynamics of Lilith and Chiron.

Unaspected or Less than two aspects Chiron:

An unaspected Chiron, or one in less than two, refers to a scenario where Chiron does not form any significant connections with other planets or points in a person's natal chart. This may suggest an area of life where the individual may feel a sense of detachment or isolation, as if they are working through their issues alone. On the other hand, it also indicates a need for self-reliance and self-healing, as those with an unanspected Chiron placement may have a unique perspective on healing and be able to offer guidance to others who are struggling with similar challenges. However, it's important to remember that each astrology placement is just one piece of the puzzle, and the interpretation of Chiron should be made in the context of the whole chart. For example, look into the house ruler of the sign of your Chiron as well as the house itself for more insight. The house rulers planet placement can shed light into underlayered or overshadowed areas that effect Chiron. (Chiron in 12th house Capricorn with Saturn in the 3rd suggests isolation from the immediate environment can be detrimental to the person's mental health.)

[ranna-alga]

I admittedly got into RDR2 five years late and I remember being confused seeing older comments of fans completely dogpiling on Mary Linton (née Gillis - a character who I interpreted much differently than these users did), but assumed maybe people would have grown up a bit since then and understand Mary better. Unfortunately, I still see so many people completely misunderstand and shit on Mary's character and I want to talk about it (this meta will be my opinion AND biased as a Mary defender, but idc)

I cannot stand it when people, particularly male fans, call Mary "manipulative" or someone who just "uses Arthur when it's convenient to her" because that just isn't true, and it really shows that a lot of the people who just trash on her have no idea what they are actually talking about.

Labelling her as someone who uses Arthur just for her own personal conveniences makes no sense when you consider the fact that so many other characters, including members of the Van der Linde gang, have also asked Arthur to do things for them, including requests that are much worse than anything Mary could have asked for (you know, like Strauss for example?). Not only that, but if Arthur rejects Mary's help, she doesn't get angry - if anything, she understands why he may be reluctant to help her. If Mary truly only wanted to use Arthur, she wouldn't have shown how grateful she was for his help and how much she truly did miss spending time with him by asking him out on a date to the theatre.

And to those who criticise her for not being able to leave her family sooner: do you... not remember the time period this story is set in? All of RDR2 (1899 - 1907) takes place before women got electoral equality with men (1928) and during the main story's time, women were very much under the control of their husbands - or their fathers if they were not married. A big reason as to why Arthur wasn't able to marry Mary in the first place when they were courting each other was because her father didn't approve of his outlaw lifestyle (also, I am unsure if Mary ever alluded to her marriage with Barry Linton being an arranged one, but I lowkey got that impression - perhaps her father wanted to severe the relationship between Mary and Arthur completely by arranging a marriage for her with another man who was also from a seemingly middle-class background/very much not an outlaw and ensure the relationship between her and Arthur would end).

Even if she had more of her own autonomy, we must remember that Mary is part of an abusive family unit. She often tries to excuse her father's terrible actions even though she knows how awful of a man he has become over the years. She is isolated and is hopping from one temporary shelter to another (Valentine, Saint Denis, etc) - she is a widow, she cannot depend on her father obviously, she cannot depend on her mother since she died, nor could she depend on her brother Jamie since perhaps she thought that she was meant to be the source of dependency as the older sibling. Mary said it herself in her goodbye letter (if Arthur rejects to help her) that she truly had no one else to turn to. Arthur was literally the only other person she could ask help from and even then, it seemed like a last resort after not interacting with each other for many years before her first mission and her being apologetic for taking up his time.

Mary holds a lot of regret and remorse for how things ended and it is clear she still thinks about what could have been between her and Arthur. When she fully accepts that she doesn't want to continue living such a miserable life because of her family, she makes a big leap in suggesting she and Arthur run away together, a parallel to Arthur's proposal years before, showing that she has grown and no longer wants to accept a life she feels trapped in.

People who criticise Mary for not being able to leave her family + the life she has always known behind should also consider how Arthur is the exact same. He is as much of a victim of this unfair circumstance as Mary is, but we have seen how he couldn't leave the gang life behind. It was what he died for, after all. He failed to meet the promise he made to Mary that he would run away with her after getting some money and ensuring the gang members' safety - which technically isn't his fault since this was pre-Guarma, but Mary couldn't have known about that. To her, he kept making promises he couldn't keep/getting dragged into violent crime life and she couldn't bear to continue having false hope anymore.

It's a shame that Mary has been given such a bad rap by certain fans who have mischaracterised her. Her story is a sad one and so is her love story with Arthur. I will always love and defend Mary (+ the other main female characters of RDR2) and I truly wonder how different her and Arthur's lives would have been if they managed to run away and get married (TB ideally excluded) and how happy they would have been.

[midniiights-garden]

Your Eyes... They're like Diamonds. Mizu x Fem!Reader [2]

Summary: The second part of your encounter with Mizu. Things will get heated, but by how much is the question.

Possible TWs!!: Suggestive themes, nudity, cursing

IF YOU ARE NOT 18+ PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE READING!!

"What?"

Mizu stared at you, completely and utterly confused. Did... Did you just ask her to stab you? Most people would be terrified to have her blade at their throat yet you seemed a little bit too eager. A bit too happy. She lowers her katana, now attempting to recover herself. She was still buck ass naked after all.

"I'm sorry... What did you just ask me?" Mizu asks again, brows drawn as she continues to try to comprehend what you just said.

"I-I, uh-!" I stutter, now realising how awkward this was. The words hadn't meant to slip out of my mouth yet it happened. However, I was terribly underequipped socially to respond. I could only stare (at her face... not anything else...) as I feel my face heat up, not able to do anything much.

"Did... why?" Mizu continues.

"I... you're just... you know... really pretty...?" I squeak, feeling my face get redder and redder with each word. Despite being in a snowy landscape I defintely did not feel it. My entire body was hot with both shame and embarassment, my eyes refusing to meet Mizu's.

On the other hand Mizu is absolutely reeling. Were you joking? You didn't seem like it. No, you were far too embarassed by your words to have been joking. But... did that mean you were attracted to women? And if you were... why did she actually feel happy about it?

Mizu did not have a great many examples of romantic nor sexual relationships. Her mother raised her alone (for obvious reasons), Master Eiji's wife was dead and then there was whatever the hell Akemi and Taigen had. So, not many good examples. And her own past marriage was... not great either. To put it lightly. Mizu had always just assumed she was solely attracted to men and yet here she was, absolutely confused as to why she felt so elated that there was a possibility you were attracted to her. Scratch that: that you were definitely attracted to her.

I had been standing there for a while now as Mizu lost herself in her thoughts, my face somehow continuing to go red. Why? Why did she have to be built so beautifully? From her lithe form to the curve of her hips and breasts it was so incredibly hard to keep your thoughts PG13.

"Uh... M-Mizu?" I manage to croak. "Do you... maybe... want to put some clothes on...?" With that Mizu's trance is broken, her eyes snapping upwards to meet mine (much to my dismay). She marches forward, pinning me against a nearby tree. Her hands are on either side of my face, her eyes glaring daggers into mine.

"Do you think this is funny?" She hisses, still not wanting to believe the things I had said.

I shake my head. "N-No! Not at all! Mizu, I'm being serious-"

She doesn't allow me to finish, her lips enclosing over mine before I could even get a word in. My breath hitches in my throat, breathing completely stopped as she kisses me. Her lips were so... so soft. Holy shit. I was in absolute heaven. Once she pulled away I swore I was going to pass out, her brilliant blue eyes staring into mine.

She huffs, her heart hammering in her chest. Mizu didn't understand why she felt like this. She didn't understand why she was so... turned on? Was she turned on? She defintely felt like she was turned on. Watching the way your face moved, the widening of your eyes, the twitch of your lips and the furrow of your brows. When had you gotten so pretty? Without thinking Mizu trails her hand towards your hip, rubbing circles over your clothed skin.

"What the fuck is this..." Mizu grumbles, moving her lips towards your neck.

"M-Mizu?" I squeak, eyes widening even further. I felt hot. So hot. Even more hot than before. If my earlier heat was caused by embarassment this bout of heat was caused by the fact that she was quite literally feeling me up now.

"Do you want this?" Mizu finally whispers.

(A/N: HAHAHAHAHA YOU THOUGHT FUCKERS. Jk im gonna continue this, i just felt like it needed some prerequisite explanation and build up as i wanted to really emphasisize the point that Mizu was confused. Plus, in my personal headcanons (and somewhat canon) she is rather hesitant to initiate or engage in physical intimacy. So, ig my own fanfic is breaking my own characterization a lil 😭😭😭)

[animeyanderelover]

I’m pleasantly surprised that people are actually requesting for this show. When I published my first Hc’s about the wolves, I really wasn’t sure how successful that would be.

Tw: Yandere themes, toxic relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional thoughts, manipulation, gaslighting, s/o being monopolized, forced relationship, jealousy, isolation

Imprinting on Bella’s step-sister

You're the biological child of Phil Dywer and ever since he has married Renée, she has become your step-mother. You are happy for him because he genuinely seems to love her, even though his job requires him to travel often. You and your step-sister Bella see how much Renée misses her husband and Bella soon tells you that she has decided to move back to Forks to her biological dad in hopes and asks you if you would like to come with her. She explains to you that with the both of you living in Forks, Renée might be able to travel with Phil and could spend more time with him. You realize that she has the best in mind for her mother but you hesitate because whilst you know Charlie a bit, he isn't the father with whom you have grown up. On the other hand you also know that Renée can't tag along with her husband because of the both of you still being minors and you also know that your father and your new step-mom miss each other terribly whenever the both of them are separated from each other.

Bella proposes the idea one evening when the entire family is present because she kind of knows that it would be harder for you to explain yourself if only your new mother is in the house. You're still somewhat unsure about everything but Bella is already determined and you also wish for both of your parents to be able to spend more time together so hesitantly you confirm that you would like to tag along with Bella. Renée feels guilty when she realizes why the both of you are doing this, especially since Phil id your real father which makes this even harder for you. She tries to tell the both of you that everything will be fine and that she doesn't mind but Bella's mind is already set and you pull yourself together too. Your father is saddened by the news but decides to respect your wishes and instead see it as a good opportunity for you to brighten your prespective and meet new people.

Charlie is nice to you when both of you arrive in Forks, although you still feel a tad bit more awkward than Bella who seems comfortable because this is the father she has grown up with. You do your best to not show your hesitance and your nervousness though because Charlie is a good man. You come to realize soon that Bella herself seems to have troubles adjusting to Forks and the new school due to her quiet and introverted nature. Both of you just stick together in the beginning since both of you already know each other and are step-sisters anyways. Luckily both of you soon find your own group of friends and you start feeling more comfortable. At the same time though, Bella starts gravitating to the mysterious Edward who, as Jessica tells you, is together with his adopted siblings quite the mystery in the entire school. Although you have a bad feeling about him, you don't stop Bella.

You are introduced to Edward around the same time, a childhood friend of Bella as you soon find out, and you quickly notice that he is clearly in love with Bella. Your sister on the other hand only sees him as a good friend and you are just as aware of the fact that she already loves Edward. You can't help but think that Jacob appears to be the better choice though. He's sweet, protective and above all he looks normal. You subtly try to hint to Bella that he would be the safer choice but she ignores everything you say as she reacts quickly defensive as soon as you even mildly say anything against Edward. In favor of not causing a rift between the two of you, you give up and try to accept Edward. This is harder than expected though because Bella starts getting constantly in danger as soon as she involves herself with him and the Cullens. You can't help the sliver of bitter resentment when Bella breaks her leg and suddenly distances herself from you, more secretive than ever.

She always reassures you that everything will be fine throughout everything and you swallow all your strong dislike back. Only for Edward to disappear, leaving your step-sister broken and empty. If you could, you would slap him good across his stupid face as you try to support your sister and pick up the broken pieces as good as you can. You even contact Jacob snd inform him about her current status in hopes that by spending time with him, she might start feeling better. He latches onto this chance and you're all up for it, respect his wishes when he asks you if he can have some time alone with Bella. He's trying his luck now and whilst you aren't sure anymore if that will be of any use because of Bella's strong infatuation with Edward, you do what you can. Then he suddenly pulls back too and you are flabbergasted, can't believe that he would have done something like this to Bella.

You try to assist Bella to find him only for her to ask you to stay out of this. That's the first time you get really mad at her to the point of yelling because you're so frustrated. Frustrated because you know that she tries to keep something a secret from you despite you being her step-sister. Does she not trust you? She flinches, tries to make herself small as you get vent your emotions out but remains firm in her decision to keep you out of her business. It's too dangerous, you shouldn't get involved. Her own hypocrisy flies cleanly over her own head. You calm at least a bit down when she tells you that she's gotten back in contact with Jacob, explains briefly that he was having a hard time. You don't want to see the bastard's face anymore though as you wonder why Bella always has to be involved with such guys.

The final piece that breaks you is when Bella abruptly leaves and flies to Italy without giving you any explanation, although you see her with one of the Cullens. Not even Charlie can tell you clearly why she left and that is when you finally explode and storm to Jacob's house after getting the address from Charlie. Billy opens the door surprised after hearing your consistent pounding and ringing as you don't even let him have the first word, instantly asking him if Jacob is at home. He tries to stop you as you forcefully get in his house, vivid and ready to shake answers out of Jacob. Because you have a good feeling that he knows what's up with everything that has happened to Bella recently. He's most likely even directly involved. He's in the kitchen, a mug of hot beverage in his hands as he hears the loud noises and sees you storming through the door out of the corner of his eyes.

You demand answers from him, insist that you have the right to know what is going on with your sister. You notice that he looks very different. His long hair cut short and you even notice a tattoo on his arm and wonder if he has joined some sort of delinquent group. You can't help but feel disappointed because you genuinely trusted him with Bella only for him to abandon her too. Why is your sister surrounded by shitty men like that?? You glare at him, growing even more frustrated when you realize that he doesn't even turn around to look at him and start angrily yelling at him. You say some hurtful stuff to him within the passion of your anger, notice from the corner of your eyes how Billy looks increasingly worried and even scared as he tries to stop you but you're too caught up in your own frustration.

His hand clenches into a fist and you notice that he starts to tremble slightly but finally he turns around to look at you as you've successfully managed to make him unable to ignore him. You're prepared for him to get angry with you but the moment his eyes meet yours, you hear him gasping as he suddenly drops the mug in his hands, the object shattering as soon as it hits the ground as the hot liquid spills on the ground. You flinch in surprise, stare down at the broken cup only to look back at him confused only to find his gaze glued to you. He looks as if he is in a daze, a dreamy and reverent shine in his eyes as he stares at you. All traces of bitterness and anger vanish from his face as he steps forward to you. You stand still in your place, majorly confused with his sudden shift of behavior. Billy's face on the other hand has lit up with realization as he looks up at you with shock and surprise.

You have no idea what is going on as Jacob suddenly stands right in front of you, one of his hands suddenly grabbing your own hand. He’s really warm as you notice but that’s besides the point. He asks you softly if you’d like to stay for a bit and it weirds you out. What is going on? It’s like he has just forgotten about everything you just yelled at him. You look confused at his father but he still seems to be quite in shock from whatever realization he just had. Jacob seems to want to bring you into his room until you blur out that he still spilled his mug all over the floor and that you should probably clean it up. You’re just searching for an excuse to get away from him as his sudden shift in behavior scares you. He quickly tells you that he’ll do it though and that you can just sit down in the kitchen in the meantime, his eyes showing his eagerness to have you within his reach.

The following days feel surreal to you. It’s like he’s forgotten all about Bella and instead has latched onto you all of a sudden. You don’t get any answers out of him either although he promises you that he’ll tell you, even claiming to you that Bella will probably never tell you. His promises manage to keep you close and he knows that which is why Jacob uses it as manipulation. His previous love for Bella is all but forgotten as you are his real imprint and his body is filled with blissful delight. He dedicates himself to stick close to you, visits you countless times whilst using the trust Charlie has with him to lure you out of your room. He tells Charlie that he’s worried about you because of Bella’s sudden absence and would like to try to cheer you up. To your dismay Charlie decides to believe him because he is also concerned about you and you can only reject Jacob that often until Charlie starts getting suspicious.

When Bella returns with Edward, you notice Jacob’s good mood dropping rapidly. Shouldn’t he be happy that Bella is back? You want to greet Bella happily for finally returning although you’re still mad with Edward. It never gets that far though as you’re suddenly pulled back by Jacob who wraps his arms tightly and protectively around you. You glance up confused and feel your breath hitching in your throat when you see the hateful and resentful glare he gives both of them. Edward’s eyes widen a tad bit in surprise, you don’t know why but he also seems to realize something as his face reminds you of Billy when he seemed to notice something you didn’t. At least Bella is in the same boat as you as she looks at Jacob confused. When she tries to approach you, he sneers at her to stay back, his voice dripping with anger and spite that you never thought would come from him. What is wrong with him? Bella is his friend! Edward steps protectively in front of Bella as both men glare at each other.

You don’t understand what is going on as Jacob suddenly blames Bella for keeping you away from him, accusing her that she just wants to see him suffer but that this won’t happen anymore. He sounds like a paranoid maniac as he throws those accusations at her and Bella and you exchange confused and frightened looks as Jacob keeps you as close to him as possible before dragging you away from both of them. As soon as the both of you are alone and you try to collect your racing mind, he suddenly demands of you to stay away from both of them. They’re trouble for you, with him you’re much safer. You stare at him before shakily asking you what is going on. Your meek tone softens his harsh features as he embraces you and gives you a soft kiss on your forehead, promising you that everything will be fine now. You have him.

From that day on Jacob becomes unbearable. He’s always spending his time with you and his attitude is terrible. He’s hostile and aggressive around everyone around you, his mood quickly spoiled as soon as you ignore him for one freaking minute in favor of chatting with one of your friends. He’s rude and salty with them, completely ignores your feelings as he scares them away and manages to make them avoid you. Worst of all is that as soon as you lash out at him, he starts crying and begging you to not leave him and abandon him like Bella did. He loves you! He can’t live without you! Everything leaves you with a major headache, you don’t understand anything coming from his mouth. In what way did Bella abandon him? You attempt to ask Bella about it but she tells you that Jacob will probably tell you soon enough, her eyes avoiding yours as if she’s guilty of something. You don’t get much time to spend with Bella as Edward keeps her away from you and has her avoiding you just as much as Jacob makes sure that you stay away from those two. They’re bad influences after all.

Eventually he brings you along to one of the private meetings of his tribe. You initially want to reject and flee from him by locking yourself up in your room but when he tells you that tonight he’ll tell you everything, you have no choice. You notice that a lot of his other friends have the same tattoo as them as they welcome you. Jacob keeps you protectively close to him the entire time. It’s on that night that you find out everything you thought only existed in fairy tails. You have troubles looking Bella into her eyes after that, almost feel betrayed by her as you find out about her plans to turn into a vampire and for never telling you anything. The news of that Jacob imprinted on you and that it is physically painful for a shapeshifter to stay away from their imprint shackles you to him, forces a responsibility on you that ties you to him. Jacob seems satisfied though. He has you all for himself after all. That’s everything he ever wanted.

[1d1195]

Protection II

This is mostly the getting to know the reader and part. I hope you enjoy. 7.5k+

This is where I'll put the rest of the series: Protection

P.S. Sorry, I have some bad daddy issues that are going to be addressed in this series.

“Okay,” she nodded in promise. “Thank you,” she said seriously. She honestly hoped he sensed the authenticity of her gratitude. Harry was the first person to treat her like a human. Even if she gave him a hard time more often than not.

If she wasn’t careful, she was really going to fall in love with him.

There was just over three weeks between the end of her summer course and the fall semester. She planned on spending almost the entire time she wasn’t working either out in the sun reading or sleeping. Her final year was going to be difficult to say the least and she needed to be rested for the first days of the semester.

Her friends didn’t really chat with her during these weeks. She was used to it. Part of her believed they didn’t really want her to be around during their regularly scheduled class times either. It was why she fought so vehemently with her detail. There was so much drama surrounding her with just the presence of her security following her around.

The poor thing couldn’t sleep in all that much due to her constantly spinning mind and busy schedule with work and other obligations she put upon herself. Waking up at 8AM was about as late as she could stand it. At that time, and to beat the humidity, she hurried to shove her feet in sneakers and twist her hair up and off the back of her neck. She jogged a bit, stopping way more than she should have to walk at a clipped pace. Harry was warned of this and came prepared following behind her with so much ease. If weren’t for the heat, she was convinced he wouldn’t have broken a sweat. He didn’t speak to her while she listened to her music and didn’t make any comments about her need to walk so frequently, which she thought was kind. She imagined the rest of the detail thought she shouldn’t have had pizza on any regular schedule or said she was out of shape.

After a good head clearing, she would head back to shower and relax her muscles. It was the most calming time she had without any reminder of her detail’s presence. The one and only place they let her be alone completely. Coming back out to the living room she found Harry, ever present seated at his laptop situated on her dining table. Her hair was damp from being towel-dried and her skin felt fresh. She flopped onto the couch. Harry was silent, paying no focused attention to her. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched him. Harry per usual, didn’t appear all that sweaty, but she couldn’t imagine having to sit in his sweat all day long while watching her and it was particularly hot and humid this morning. Especially when she had the luxury of hosing herself down. ��Do you want to shower?” She asked.

He glanced at her. It wasn’t a terrible request. He hated to feel the thin sheen of sweat over his body—he didn’t think he smelled bad, but he thought he might smell like sweat. It seemed entirely unprofessional—it wasn’t covered in his training that he couldn’t shower at her apartment, but it seemed like something he should steer clear of. He could always call another agent while he headed back to his place—just ten minutes from hers. He could be back on the inside of an hour. “Uh...yeah, if y’don’t mind. I’ll jus’ call some—”

“You can shower here,” she shrugged setting up a playlist to play through her TV speaker. “I have more than one towel, obviously.”

Harry thought her sarcastic bite was funny and not dreadful like the rest of the team made it out to be. He smirked. “Uh...I don’t really want t’leave—”

She rolled her eyes and picked up her book. “I pinky promise, cross my heart, swear on my mother’s grave I won’t leave this apartment until you’re dressed and able to chase me efficiently,” she mumbled flipping to the bookmarked page. “Honestly might fall right back to sleep anyway,” she muttered. “Towels are in the linen closet,” her tone was dismissive. The ball was in Harry’s court.

Harry didn’t really want to piss her off; part of him thought that if she remained happy maybe she wouldn’t give him such a hard time. He wasn’t kidding when he told her he hated paperwork and despite how...different she seemed than the stories he heard, he wasn’t going to take his chances. Closing his laptop and he made his way by the couch toward the hall to the bathroom. He stopped in the threshold briefly and gazed at the girl snuggled on the couch who didn’t look like she’d be moving for hours. “Please,” he eyed her cautiously. “Don’t leave,” he said it gently, the slight begging tone in his voice.

She glanced up at his serious, pleading expression. Part of her forgot he was all but her enemy. His voice, his face, his body... he was so lovely. He was adorable. But she couldn’t let him know she thought that. She instead returned her gaze to her book, unable to comprehend the words fully in her brain to make sense due to the depth of green she was seeing in Harry’s eyes. She briefly pressed two fingers to her temple and saluted him without meeting his eyes. “Sure thing, boss.”

Harry still took the fastest shower he’d ever taken, still a bit worried about her leaving. However, when he returned to the main room, there she was reading. Snuggled up cutely on her sofa and listening to the gentle music playing as she did. She really wasn’t as bad as they made her out to be. Or maybe he just hadn’t really seen that side of her yet. But either way, he was glad she was kind for now.

*

“How’s it going?” Niall asked on Harry’s first day off in over a week. While they really didn’t speak a whole lot, he actually felt a little bad not seeing her. So much so, he left her a note saying to just text him if she needed something—and to not give the relief detail a too much of a fight.

“She’s not that bad,” Harry shrugged.

“No way,” Niall was in disbelief. He actually paused mid sip, spitting his drink back into the glass. “I can’t believe the close in age thing worked,” he shook his head. “I should have thought of this years ago.”

Harry shrugged again. “All she does is sleep,” it was true. She slept a good eight hours each day over the last week. In addition, he only glanced up from his computer when her book fell to the ground, and she was fast asleep in her mid-afternoon nap. Harry found his job quite cushy. Especially because he thought she was quite cute when she slept.

“She doesn’t escape?”

“If she did, she’s a lot better than anyone told me she would be. I’ve never noticed. So, I don’t think so. I caught her the first day trying t’sneak t’meet her friends at the pub. S’only because the detail outside saw her on the fire escape. Think they were honestly hazing me a bit,” he shrugged. “M’first day and all...but she hasn’t tried anything since.”

The surprise was still evident from Niall. “You like her?” He asked; he was incredulous.

Harry shrugged once more then nodded. “Yeah...she’s...fun,” he shrugged. “She’s really polite.”

“I don’t think anyone has ever said that about her.”

Harry found he was a bit irritated with his friend. Niall wasn’t one to talk poorly of someone else almost ever so his sudden remarks of the girl made him annoyed. So why was he so negative about her? “Have y’ever even met her, Niall?” Harry asked. The bite in his tone rivaled the one that she would give Harry.

He shook his head. “No, but I’ve seen the paperwork,” he whistled almost in appreciation. “She’s...”

“She’s actually really smart. Funny. Kind,” Harry interrupted.

Niall blinked surprised by Harry’s defense for the girl. “Sorry, Harry. I didn’t mean to...I’m sorry. Just...you hear some stories.”

Harry tried to push the girl from his mind. Maybe it would be different when she was back in school. Maybe it wouldn’t. But regardless, he didn’t think it was very nice of the entire department to write her off. He focused on Niall and their lunch at a local restaurant.

His phone vibrated with a message from her. He waited until Niall was engrossed in the game on the screen above their table. Never thought I’d say this about one of my bodyguards...but I can’t wait for you to be back. These people are awful to me :(

It was hard to ignore the flutter of his heart. Treat them with kindness, love. He reminded her.

Feel like they should be kind to me first...

:( He sort of agreed with her. Even if she was a pain in his butt in her own special way, he didn’t think she deserved unkindness. It was about a half hour without a response message from her and Harry realized he was a bit...anxious waiting for her name to flash across the screen. It was dicey of him—it was also silly of him to expect a message in response to a frowny face. Maybe the deepest part of his subconscious knew before the rest of him that he shouldn’t be sending her messages for a very specific reason—especially ones regarding her hatred of the other members of her security detail.

Still...he was the only one she seemed to like...and he was The Department’s last hope.

I’ll be back tomorrow, love. He said finally. He wanted to chat with her more. Six days in a row with her and he was already aching for more time with her.

Thank God. Her answer was immediate. Followed by a second one. Can we get burritos?

Sure thing :)

*

She still drove him insane. She was practically mindless as she marched down the road ahead of him when she ran errands. Nearly stumbling into traffic. It was almost as if she had a death wish.

“For the love of God, would you jus’ tell me,” he snapped at her when she once more forgot to tell him where she was going...even if it was just to get the package she ordered from the main lobby but she left without a word. Caught him a bit off-guard as he jumped up from his typical seat at her dining table, rushing to catch her before she got too far.

Honestly, he couldn’t imagine telling all but a stranger his every movement. It had to be difficult for her. But it still pissed him off. Especially when she smirked at him when he snapped at her. Like a child in trouble who knew she was in trouble. It really infuriated him when she did that.

When she met with her friends, Harry sat by the bar nursing a glass of water. He flashed his credentials to the bartender who gave him a stiff nod, not worrying about his lack of alcohol or why he was intently watching the girl across the room. Harry had to strain to hear anything of importance but for the most part it was harmless.

Boys would come talk to her and Harry couldn’t help but think they were so out of their league. The confidence they exuded was hilariously misplaced, so he thought. She was pretty. Even if she was annoying. He couldn’t help but notice how nice she looked when she twirled her hair into a pretty style, or the way her lips seemed to shine with the gloss she put on but never seemed to come off even when she sipped her drink. Of course, she was intelligent, a biochemist didn’t get to this stage in her academic career without being intelligent.

The boys, however, had one thing on their mind (make that two things) when she wore a pretty blue top with jeans cropped at her ankle. Her hair was twirled to the side making her look like some casual Rapunzel and Harry wished he didn’t think like that. But he was thinking like that. Because despite how annoying she could be, she was really beautiful. Effortlessly, it seemed.

Harry never intervened when the boys chatted with her for way longer than they should have. They didn’t seem to have a clue who she was or that Harry was a mere ten meters away eyeing their every movement. Rarely did she dismiss any of them. Ever polite, which he found interesting. The more time he spent watching her, the more fascinated he became by her.

It was only when he heard them say they were into politics that her face immediately soured, and her attention returned to her drink. At that point, her girlfriend who was essentially a second bodyguard on Harry’s detail (especially when it came to guys) came to her rescue shooing the guy away and they’d find another bar to repeat the process all over again.

The two girls linked their arms while Harry walked several paces behind them. He didn’t eavesdrop on their conversation, but he did want to know what made her laugh so hard just because he hadn’t heard her careless laughter like that before. It made her seem so at ease. He wished she was like that all the time.

Right as they started to enter the next place, a boy snagged her about the waist. “Where do you think you’re going?” he asked. She blinked in surprise and Harry settled against the wall one business down from her spot at the entrance of the bar. He never found the guys in her company malicious or harmful. They were dumb and drunk most often. “I’ve never seen you here before.”

She pulled from him giving her friend a knowing look. With a gentle smile she grinned at the guy. Harry felt something in his chest warm over. It made him...jealous.

Oh, that’s not good. He thought to himself. But he shoved the emotion to the side. He would deal with it later. He missed the introduction the guy gave so he didn’t get to hear his name. Which meant he would have to wrangle it out of her later when he did a background check on him. “Let me take you home,” he said.

“I’m with my friend,” she nodded toward the girl. The forwardness took her friend for a loop, she was hovering closer to Harry than she had been in the last few places.

“Tell her you’re leaving,” he shrugged.

Her smile was tight. Harry could see it from where he stood. He inched a bit closer toward her friend. Even she was looking on nervously. Harry was twitching to punch him already. Especially if he didn’t leave her alone. “No, thank you,” she said reaching for the door to get inside. He slapped it shut. This time, Harry saw the way she straightened. If she was dog or a cat, he imagined she would have raised hackles. Harry pressed a finger to his ear.

“Stand by,” he mumbled to the receiver attached to him. Despite the noise of the busy street, he could hear the distinct sound of one of the department registered SUV’s engine turning over.

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” he smiled. The alcohol must have made him more confident. She wasn’t having it.

“I said no,” she was firm. There wasn’t room for argument. Harry felt a bit...proud of how she confidently sized herself up against him. Of course, she had scared an entire division anywhere from ten to thirty years older than her. Surely, she could take on a guy her own age.

“At least give me a chance to turn it into a yes,” he said snagging her hand. She pulled it from his grip, turning toward her friend. She caught Harry’s eye as she did. He was now almost beside her friend, and he swore he saw a sparkle in her eye as if she had only just realized Harry was actually there.

“Baby, what are you doing here!?” She said excitedly, running toward Harry as if she truly had no idea, he was right there all this time. She threw herself against him, arms looping around his neck as she clung to him. Harry felt stunned, one arm wrapping back around her waist. Her exposed skin was warm despite the reminder it was the end of August and evening air was getting cool. But she was like holding the embodiment of summer in his arms.

This was definitely not part of his training. As an agent, he was typically observant and could usually predict different outcomes or make sense of the scene and situation around him. He could figure out what most people were going to do before they did it.

Her sudden stunt left him a bit dazed.

“Thought you didn’t get out of work till later,” she smiled up at him as she pulled away, batting her eyelashes at him. “Can you take us home?” She jutted out her lower lip gazing at him with...adoration? That couldn’t be right. Even if it was for show, she was good at it. Harry didn’t know she was capable of acting. Especially acting as if she was in love.

“Uh...yeah,” Harry cleared his throat. “Got out early,” he mumbled following her lead. He could hear the laughter in the earpiece as she wrapped her arm around his waist. She grabbed her friend’s hand, and they headed off the way they came.

“He’s staring at my ass,” she whispered to her friend. “I can feel it.”

“I mean it’s a nice ass,” she shrugged with a smile.

The girl kept hold of Harry and rolled her eyes. “Creepy,” but Harry didn’t miss how he felt her arm tighten around his waist. He would break the guy’s arm for her if she asked. Harry had the right mind to kill him just for being so forward and annoying to her. Not taking no for an answer the first time she said it. When they turned the corner, she released him immediately. Harry couldn’t help how he felt cold without her embrace. And he hated how easy it was to slip into the mindset that it felt good with her wrapped around him.

Fortunately, she and her friend took off running down the block for the next bar so Harry once more had to put that notion to the side.

*

Harry entered her apartment on September first surprised to find the array of pink peonies and carnations that had adorned her walls the last three weeks were replaced by sunflowers. It was…enlightening. To say the least. Harry wasn’t even in a bad mood, but he was overwhelmed with happiness as he settled his stuff onto the dining room table. “Do you do this every month?” He asked, making his way toward her. She was on a step stool, draping more sunflower vines along the walls.

“No,” she smirked. “I’ll keep these up until December first,” she explained. “I do add some Halloween colors in next month though...and then I take those down to put up leaves for November.”

He loved her place. It was as adorable as she was. Even if he shouldn’t think that way. He enjoyed coming to work. Even if she was going to make him crazy. The flowers were pretty. It made the place utterly welcoming. More of the side of the personality he never really heard about from The Department on display. “What do y’do for the winter?” He asked grabbing the vine that dangled out of her reach and helped her put it up. With her on the stepstool she was a head taller than Harry.

It was not the time to think such things. Plus, she had never thought anything about any of her security detail before of course, but obviously Harry was much closer in age to her than anyone else before him. She couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was and now she was eye level with him. He didn’t question her. Didn’t yell at her for balancing precariously on the step stool, he didn’t care that she had hundreds of flowers to put up. He followed her around the apartment all afternoon chatting with her about her interior design vision.

“I feel like I need something to balance out poinsettias though,” she shrugged as they moved to her bedroom. Harry helped her more and she accepted it, surprisingly. He listened to her rant and rave about flowers and didn’t seem to mind at all that he was being paid to decorate with her. “Most winter flowers are red,” she explained. “I like red, but it’s overwhelming, you know? I think winterberries are beautiful, but I love petals,” she continued.

“Well, what ‘bout snowdrop?” Harry asked.

She paused her movements, tilted her head at him. “I don’t know that one,” she admitted. He quickly reached for his phone, tapped it several times then handed it to her.

“These?” He suggested. The screen showed the pretty little white flowers, and she glanced back at Harry. “They’d look pretty with winterberry or poinsettias,” he murmured.

Harry liked flowers. How fascinating. She assumed, like most of the other agents before him, Harry probably knew every detail of her life. Maybe better than she did sometimes. But of course, Harry was quite tight-lipped. She knew some of his food and drink tastes, but she didn’t know much about his home life, why he came to America, or how he ended up on her detail.

But he liked flowers enough to know the names of them. Enough to show an interest in something she cared about. Even if it was just a bunch of wall décor. Handing the phone back to him, she smirked at him. “I think I’ll order some fake ones on Amazon. Thank you,” she smiled.

Harry smiled back at her. “Happy t’help,” he mumbled and held his hand out for her to get off the step stool. “Any plans for today?”

Her plan was to torture Harry now that they were in single digit days until classes restarted. But his kindness ruined that. She sort of hated that he was so nice to her even when she was a bitch. He was really ruining all the hard work she put into terrifying a division of special agents. “Just work and movies probably.”

He nodded. “Sure, I’ll be here,” he smirked and found his seat at the dining table.

“You could sit over here if you want. That chair can’t be comfy all day,” she said.

He shrugged. “S’not bad,” he said gathering his stuff and moving to the opposite sofa she was on. He settled in as she scrolled through different titles on Netflix.

“Do you have any recommendations?” She asked. “I suck at picking movies.”

“I can recommend a rom-com if s’your thing,” he shrugged. “I haven’t watched it yet. Someone else recommended it t'me.”

She adored the idea that her intimidating, closed-lipped bodyguard liked rom-coms. She put it on immediately. If it was formulaic, she didn’t care. She liked knowing what to expect. Watching a movie with Harry was also relaxing. The first time neither of them spoke or acted tensely about her whereabouts. They both chuckled at the same time at different parts and pointed out funny things to rewind ten seconds that the other had missed in the background.

Of all the time she had spent with her bodyguards over the last seven years, this was one of the best afternoons she ever had.

*

The worst of his job started about a week after her classes started. She was out with friends and Harry deemed the drunk college men harmless and gave her more space at the bar where she and her friends danced.

He could see where Niall was coming from, but he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of knowing she was getting to him. Harry was a bit competitive and didn’t want The Department to know he was feeling bested by her too.

But he couldn’t help but be annoyed that it happened much more frequently throughout the month of September and October, becoming routine. Monday through Thursday and Sunday she spent in class, studying, or working in her sitting room and still somehow managing to get one of her jogs in before sunset almost daily. Fridays and Saturdays were spent all but torturing Harry. He had to be much more ready for her attempted escapes.

The first weekend that her classes started, she literally climbed out the bathroom window of the bar. The only reason he caught her was because one of the loudmouth guys she was with was watching a video her friend had sent of her crawling out the window and he was laughing at the hysterics of it. When Harry caught up to her at the corner of the road, she hurled several insults at him that he hadn’t once heard fall from her lips.

“I’m a grown fucking woman,” she snapped. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“S’protocol,” he shrugged. Even if he liked her, he was there to do a job.

The time after that, she simply tried outrunning him, but his legs allowed for much longer strides than her, so she didn’t get too far from him. That time she threw her shoe at him, narrowly avoiding his head. She limped awkwardly to the SUV where she sulked. Harry picked up her shoe and placed it at her feet before he drove her back to her place, where she slammed the door to her room but didn’t come back out once. Since he caught her that time, no paperwork was required.

The following week she was making out with someone in the bathroom hallway and while the idea was disgusting because she deserved far better accommodations than a bathroom hall in a messy bar in a college town, this wasn’t even that bad as far as his job went. But it did make his chest hot with jealousy.

So, he let her make out with the stupid guy while he drank his water at the bar.

The next time she hopped into a car with a stranger. Fortunately, her friend was with her so Harry didn’t worry about her well-being too much. But once he followed her to his place of residence she screamed some more while Harry just watched her have her temper tantrum. Her friend seemed entirely used to these outbursts. She ushered the guys they had met upstairs while she slunk back to the SUV once more. Grumbling and cursing at Harry under her breath.

That event required a huge, detailed report and a grumbly talking to from one of the higher ups. It made Harry irritable but found it hard to stay completely mad at her because she made brownies the following day and told him to help himself—like a peace offering.

Despite the insults and the cursing, Harry would attend meetings and debriefings where they would ask Harry if he wanted out. “Would you like to be reassigned?” They sounded tired. Like they were already anticipating who they would get to replace him.

“Did she ask for someone new?” He asked.

His supervisory blinked at him. “No...but...don’t you want out? It’s been almost a month and a half.”

He frowned. “Er...with all do respect. If she doesn’t mind me, then I’ll stay.”

Harry wasn’t going to back down from a challenge.

*

The worst however was her escape from the concert. There were simply too many variables. Even with a team of ten, Harry still felt outnumbered by her and her friend. To be fair, they told Harry ahead of the concert it was a lost cause. There was no way she wouldn’t escape. It was her best chance.

She was getting ready for the night in her bathroom. Harry was vigilant as ever in the dining area.  She came out to the living room to check on her phone charging on the side table. She looked comfy and adorable. Jeans, converse, a tanktop that fit loosely so it showed off...her assets in a tasteful way. Harry thought she was pretty as always. “Y’look nice,” he mumbled.

She glanced at him curiously and her cheeks warmed at his compliment. “Thank you,” she responded kindly. He closed his laptop and he sighed.

“Look,” he said. Immediately, her kindness disappeared from her face.

“Harry,” she sighed not feeling like fighting.

“I know you’re going to escape,” he told her. “Whatever, s’jus’ more paperwork, right?” He asked with a weak smile. She frowned knowing that he already anticipated her idea for the night. “Please,” he said. “Can y’jus’ send me your location?” He pleaded. “Please," he repeated. "I won’t tell anyone, I won’t make it a big deal. I...jus’ want t’know you’re safe,” he explained. Biting the inside of her cheek she opened her message thread with Harry looking away from his intense gaze. She shared her location for the next twenty-four hours with him. “Thank you,” he said appreciatively getting the alert on his phone. “If y’get into trouble or y’feel unsafe, please jus’ call,” he continued. “I won’t make a big deal of that either.”

He seemed so genuine. Like he really cared about her safety beyond the protocol of his job.

“Okay,” she nodded in promise. “Thank you,” she said seriously. She honestly hoped he sensed the authenticity of her gratitude. Harry was the first person to treat her like a human. Even if she gave him a hard time more often than not.

If she wasn’t careful, she was really going to fall in love with him.

*

It was a shame that her willingness to help Harry out didn’t pan out the way he hoped. When the concert had ended, he thought he had actually done a good job. He kept an eye on her little marker the entire time; she was in place at her seat the duration of the concert. He even got to enjoy a bit of the indie band she was seeing—he heard her play the music on while she worked or read but never really noticed how much he actually liked it. They even put on a good show.

But when most had filed out of her section, he came to the conclusion that she was no longer present. With a groan he headed down to her section, finding not a trace of her behind. But her phone still said she was here. He started searching beneath the seats, dodging sticky soda and alcohol along with popcorn strewn about.

He found an array of jewelry and a condom packet. He even found a wallet that he would bring by to lost and found. But it was her phone that he found that made his body warm with more rage. The flower phone case he was used to seeing around her apartment mocked him. She tricked him. After all that.

The idea of paperwork didn’t compare to the hurt he felt over her betraying deceit.

*

She was enjoying a drink with her friends at one of their favorite spots. For the first time in months, she felt so carefree. They were discussing their latest exams and how nice the concert was. A round of drinks sat empty in front of them while they sipped on the second. Harry was giving her ample space. But that should have been her first clue.

Her arm was yanked out of the booth, and she nearly lost her footing as Harry grabbed onto her but continued to hold her upright.

“Are you fucking serious?” He snapped. Everyone turned to look at him. She scrambled to stand upright. She was ready to scream at him for tugging her out of the booth like that. In front of all her friends. Everyone was silent as she opened her mouth to yell. But then she saw it.

Harry was pissed.

Instantly, she wavered. Her face contorting from anger to worry, sadness. She looked upset. Remorseful even. “Harry,” she started.

“I don’t know what your problem is with me—”

“I didn’t—”

“—but I didn’t do anything t’warrant this!” He shouted, holding her phone up. She instinctively felt for her pocket and realized her mistake. Oh...he was going to kill her.

But still, he was currently embarrassing her.

She wanted to scream right back at him. But she knew he was mad. She knew why he was mad. He asked for hardly anything at all tonight—knowing she was going to leave. It was kind of him to give her so much grace and freedom when no one on that team had ever done so. Even though she left without a word, she truly thought her phone was in her bag. She hadn’t even thought to look for it because she never lost her phone.

“I know y’think s’a big joke. But I take m’job seriously. I take protocol seriously. Jus’ because you want t’pout and cry like a bratty little girl, doesn’t mean y’going t’ruin my life. My career.”

Her eyes narrowed. She hated to be yelled at. Belittled. It made her extremely angry. Regardless of how much she actually liked him. Despite the fact she felt bad she accidentally betrayed his trust. But he was embarrassing her in front of friends and calling her names that everyone else in the department used daily, pissed her off beyond belief.

She glared at him, set her jaw firmly. She could feel frustrated tears lining her vision and she grabbed her purse out of the booth violently. She made no eye contact with the group of her silent friends. She marched right outside to the SUV he had double-parked. Slamming the door shut behind her, she waited until Harry was in the car as well.

“I didn’t know I didn’t have it,” she seethed.

He scoffed. “Bullshit.”

She closed her eyes tightly. So tightly she saw red dancing in her vision. “Believe what you want. I didn’t know,” she snapped. “You were so embarrassing in there. I’m sorry I pissed you off. Again, I really didn’t mean it. But you didn’t have to embarrass me in front of my friends like that.”

“If you’re going to act like a brat—”

She shook her head slowly balling her fists in her lap. “If you call me a brat one more time, I’m going to punch you in the throat,” it was a promise. Harry didn’t think she would cause all that much damage, but he didn’t think it would be wise to take a punch to the throat while he was driving her.

They were silent for five minutes while he drove her back to her place. “You really didn’t know?” He asked, his voice a hair softer.

She glared out the window with a silent shake of her head. “M’sorry,” she murmured.

He sighed and listened to the sound of the tires thrumming against the road for a bit.

“M’sorry I called y’a brat in front of your friends... Can y’please...try t’be...I don’t know...good for me? I like t’think m’not that bad of a guy. M’not that bad at m’job...that I give y’enough space...that we’re...okay.”

More silence until they parked. “You’re the best bodyguard I ever had,” she admitted quietly. “I didn’t mean to do that to you.”

He nodded. “Okay...I accept your apology. Can y’try t’be more mindful?”

She nodded in return. “I’ll try.”

“Call me next time, okay?”

“I don’t know your phone number,” she rolled her eyes.

“Well memorize it,” he sighed a touch of agitation in his tone. She should memorize it for emergencies. “And y’need a failsafe.”

“A what?”

“A failsafe. Assurance that if everything goes—”

“I know what a failsafe is, you ass. What do you mean I need one?”

He ignored her name calling. She deserved one after he called her a brat. “If...something happens t’you. Y’need a way t’get in touch with me. But something that no one else knows. Not even me. But s’got t’be easy enough for me t’figure out. We can go over some of them if y’want that others have used in the past so y’have some ideas t’work with,” he tapped on the steering wheel. “I know I said this was a job, but I do actually care about y’safety.”

She was silent for a few more moments. “If you yell at me like that in front of everyone again, I’ll kill you,” she promised opening her door to head back up to her apartment. He smirked.

“Maybe y’don’t need a failsafe; I pity the person that tries t’take you on.”

*

As frustrating as she could be, she was equally, if not more, lovely in that it made him forget all the paperwork and all the annoyance she caused him. They were on a Target run; she was wandering the aisles casually meandering at her leisure. Harry was eyeing her surroundings, assuring himself there was nothing that would put her in danger.

Honestly, some days he could see why she didn’t want a detail. She didn’t do anything that warranted protection and it didn’t seem like anyone was after her. Not once had he heard from or met with The Secretary of State. While he was grateful for a cushy job, he could see why she was always grumpy about it.

She was scanning new book titles on the shelf and placed two of them in her basket when she suddenly took off without warning. Harry followed after her, caught off guard by her quick pace mildly irritated him once more she evaded him. What he expected of her was never what happened.

She entered the dressing room area, making Harry more irritated that he couldn’t follow her immediately into the women’s section. He wanted to know what he missed, that had her running through the dressing room so fast that she dropped her basket full of mismatching items outside as she hurried back out almost as quickly as she went in.

“You didn’t see her, did you?” She asked Harry before he could ask her what the problem was.

He grabbed her basket that she left behind as she took off once more. He followed after her as she hurried through the other sections of the store.

“See who?” He asked almost running to keep up with her alert pace.

“Seriously?” She asked behind her. “You didn’t hear the frantic mother looking for her child? Aren’t you supposed to be watching for these things?”

He felt his mouth twitch to snap back at her, but she looked genuinely alarmed. Almost as alarmed as the employees in red shirts running around almost as quickly as she was. Despite the sympathetic pang he felt for the upset woman calling a little girl’s name out around the aisles, it wasn’t their problem. It especially wasn’t Harry’s problem who was assigned to watch the 24-year-old—so no, he didn’t really pay attention to the worry in the department store.

“M’sure she’s fine, love,” Harry said trying to assuage her worries. He felt bad, she was so worried. He even felt...awe for her. Her . But she wasn’t giving up it seemed, as she made a quick stop through the clearance section nearly causing Harry to twist an ankle at her sudden turn. She didn’t respond to Harry’s calming voice.

“Someone could have just walked off with her,” she remarked nervously.

Harry could see the fierceness in her eyes. She was resolute: they weren’t leaving the store until this girl was found. Sighing, Harry kept one eye on the girl he was paid to follow and another on the lookout for a small little one that was probably terrified.

Harry tried to tell her something about hideouts and the like, but it was unhelpful. They gleaned they were looking for an eight-year-old. “We’re not thinking like eight-year-olds,” she muttered suddenly and nearly left Harry in the dust as she all but sprinted toward the back of the store once more.

Harry found her crouched in the middle of the aisle, talking to the Halloween costumes on a rack. “Hey, cutie pie, whatcha looking for?” Her voice was soft and gentle.

“I lost my mommy,” the little voice whispered from the rack.

Harry found himself sighing with relief dropping her basket of things by her side. The little girl looked up at Harry suspiciously. She was hidden behind a dog costume and the tule of a tutu beside it. “That’s really scary,” the girl nodded. “I hate losing my mommy,” she said. The little one was still staring at Harry with nervousness.

“This is Harry,” she told her. “He’s tall, huh?” She smiled gently. “Can we help you find your mommy?”

“Mommy said no strangers,” she shook her head pressing herself firmly against the rack, her eyes watery. “I’m scared.”

The girl nodded, sitting on the floor, cross-legged. “Well, I think that’s really smart of you. Mommy would be really proud of you,” she had a comforting smile on her lips. “How about we stay here, and Harry will go get your mommy?”

Harry looked disgruntled as he made a noise in the back of his throat. He couldn’t leave her alone...even for the sake of a child. Even if they were just in a target. “Love,” he started.

She turned her head to Harry. “They are running around the store just to find someone,” she hissed under her breath before turning her gentle façade back to the little girl. “Whatcha got there?” She asked. “Halloween book?” She wondered.

The little one nodded, stepping cautiously off the display of costumes. Tentatively, she sat next to the woman that drove Harry up a wall most days. But right now, she was so gentle, so sweet. Harry felt nothing but pure adoration for her and her kindness to the little one. “Please?” She asked, turning back to Harry as the little one opened the book up and started showing her the pictures in the middle of the floor. Her expression was kind, warm, pleading.

Begrudgingly, Harry headed toward the front of the store in search of the terrified mother.

*

There was a bit of fanfare—especially after realization of who the woman was that found the little one and was reading a picture book on the dusty store floor. She paid no mind to it, said it was her pleasure to help.

After paying for her things, Harry opened the door for her to the SUV and she climbed inside. He felt a bit awestruck. Sure, she was the daughter of a top political official, but that fame didn’t really mean anything to Harry. He was more impressed with her gentle nature. Her kindness. She was cute with kids and had a fiercely protective streak of her own.

She didn’t even mention it; moreover, thought nothing of it, just scrolled through her phone. “Can we get coffee?” She asked.

He thought she might be his hero. Pain in the ass she was. “Course, love,” he murmured. Heroes needed a reward for their efforts. Even if they didn’t see it that way. “You drink an awful lot of coffee.”

“Biochemistry will do that to you,” she muttered, irritated by his remark. It clearly had been said to her before. Somehow, in that moment, Harry realized that she was also fiercely protective of herself. Maybe she had to be given how The Department talked about her behind her back. Maybe because everyone looked at her as if she didn’t know anything as a woman in a science major that Harry could hardly pronounce half the words for when he saw her notes on the coffee table.

“That was really cool of you,” he mumbled pulling into traffic toward the coffee shop. “The way y’helped that little girl.”

She turned to look at Harry. “She was scared,” she sounded defensive. Like Harry was mocking her.

“I know,” he said seriously. “Y’calmed her down and y’helped her. Was really nice,” he shrugged one shoulder hoping he sounded more sincere so she wouldn’t yell again.

She turned to the window. “I got lost at the store once with my dad,” she explained. “I was six. I was terrified. He didn’t even know I was lost until he drove home,” she mumbled. “It was the most terrified I’ve ever felt in my whole life.”

He pulled into the parking lot and she hurried out before Harry could say another word. He watched her intently as she stood in line, ordered, and returned with tea for Harry without even asking him if he wanted some. She was always very thoughtful toward him. Whether she annoyed him beyond belief or not.

For every moment of irritation, anxiety, and annoyance she had put him through thus far on this assignment, it all was swept clean as he thought about what she said. Her dad asking for a protection detail made no sense. Who loses their six-year-old without noticing? Was the protection detail some deep-seated need to fix his mistake all those years ago? What kind of political official could hold office with a straight face knowing his daughter had that kind of dirt on him? How could she not shout it from rooftops?

Harry was right. She had to be fiercely protective of herself because no one else was.

He hoped that eventually she would let him protect her just as much; maybe even stop her frustrating fleeing. Because despite the irritation she often caused, he was really starting to like the many sides of her.

--

general taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @sunshinemoonsposts @youdontcaredoyou @tiredinwinter @loving-hazz @likeapplejuicenpeach

Protection taglist: @youcouldstartacult @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @luxiorchive @ameerakane20 @daphnesutton @kathb59 @be-with-me-so-happily

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

It looks like Meghan may be test-driving yet another narrative to handle the criticism about her failure to royal: it's all Harry's fault.

This started last week when reporters and journalists were speculating whether the Sussexes, had they stayed in, would have been able to help KP squash all the noise about Kate's condition and help BP squash the nosie about the royal family's bench strength by stepping up royal work. Hugo Vickers more or less said "no, because the Sussexes are only in it for themselves. Meghan wouldn't step up unless she personally benefited. She would have seen nothing in it for herself and would refuse to work."

So cue Esther Krakue, who appeared on Sky News Australia today. She agrees with Vickers that the Sussexes wouldn't have stepped up, but says it's because of Harry. Not Meghan. And the way she lays the blame squarely on Harry, she plays to both sides of the royal fence:

For the squaddies, she says "it's Harry's fault Meghan was a terrible royal because he made her start working before she was ready and willing."

For the rest of us, she says "Meghan lacked the temperament to be a proper royal because she wanted to be in charge and it's Harry's fault because he should have prepared her better."

That she speaks to both sides is making it a little harder to see whether this is Meghan setting up for a divorce narrative or whether this is an olive branch PR.

A quick disclaimer. I've no idea where Krakue falls in the royal reporting spectrum (is she a Sussex mouthpiece? Is she a straight-shooting royalist? Or does she go where the paycheck is?)

For me, I come down on "well, this feels like pre-emptive divorce narrative." Mainly because Meghan has been laying groundwork since 2017 for a domestic violence-based divorce narrative and "Harry forced Meghan to work" not only plays into that, it also implies he threatened Meghan.

Anyway. Here's the story.

And by the way, did you know this is the 11th time Meghan has tried to rewrite the story of her royal career? Let's review them!

#1. While they were dating/pre-engaged (2016 - late 2017): I’ll be the bestest duchess to duchess, better than Kate.

#2. While they were engaged (late 2017 - mid-2018): I’m going to hit the ground running and everyone will be so impressed The Queen will make me her heir.

#3. While “in” for 72 days (mid-2018 - late 2019): I’m only supporting my preferred charities and best friends, how dare you *coat flick*

#4. While Megxiting (late 2019 - March 2020): I don’t need the royals to do good work. They’re old-fashioned anyway. Watch me hit the ground running and being the bestest duchess to duchess.

#5. During the pandemic (March 2020 - March 2021): I’m not bound by the code of ethics the royals are so I can volunteer and support my most passionate causes, politics and political issues.

#6. While sobbing to Oprah (March 2020 - late 2021): I can’t do anything because Waity Katie gets all the help, attention, and money. I’m just a young black mother.

Next, Meghan loses control of the narrative as everyone shows up for the BRF after the Oprah interview, and even more so after Philip passes away. This collective effort establishes the narrative of Meghan's royal career as actually scornful "I should be getting paid for this" contempt (as summed up by Bower in 2021's Revenge). Meghan tries some things to backtrack over this but she just digs herself in deeper and deeper, leading to three competing narratives over Meghan's work--

a) “No one from the palace helped us, we had to do it all on our own because William and Kate were jealous and refused to let anyone help us.” (Sussexes)

b) “It’s your own fault. Harry should have better prepared you for the realities of royal life and actually, HERE ARE THE RECEIPTS, WE DID TRY TO HELP but you wanted your LA teams to do it instead.” (BRF and Royal Rota)

c) “She never wanted to work, she just wanted the fame and fortune, come on you people, it's so [bleeping] obvious." (The public and most royal watchers)

This lasts until the end of 2021 when Sunshine Sachs/Netflix/Spotify finally dig Meghan out through a few rounds of Olive Branch PR and Jubilee and Hollywood manifestations, leading to...

#8. While finally launching her Megxit career (end of 2021 to September 2022, The Queen’s passing): I’m finally doing the work I was promised I could do by the royal family. Look at what you could've had.

#9. After The Queen’s passing (October 2022 to end of 2022): I just wanted to work but they wouldn't let me do anything because they're jealous.

#10. During the Charles era (2023): I couldn’t do anything because the royals are racist.

And now, #11. Royal Health Crisis (January 2024): I never wanted to be a working royal, Harry made me and he didn’t prepare me appropriately.