#and they never take me seriously when i try to explain things about my disorders to them

[cocklessboy]

The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.

I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.

And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!

We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.

There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.

Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.

Except...

I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.

I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.

The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.

Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".

There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.

And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.

His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.

I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.

That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.

I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.

Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.

Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.

If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.

It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.

I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.

[juunobox]

──★ ˙ ̟ "PERFECT TIMING!"

you're nikolai's intimate friend (nikolai gogol x gn! reader) and he wants to 'free' you

summary : you're nikolai's friend and he wants to give you a taste of freedom (which of course means, he wants to kill you) ur like fyodor to him in this fic, kinda warnings : implied mental disorders, graphic depictions of violence, suicidal ideation, assisted suicide. you have a complicated relationship w him please do not take this seriously, fr i wrote this for coping purposes lol and sorry if it's kinda OOC this is the first ever nikolai x reader i wrote... dont beat my ass and english isnt my native i suck at grammar

Your days has always been mundane. You woke up and work on your laptop all day, then go back to sleep. However, there was a moment when your days became a bit more colorful, thanks to Nikolai's presence. He's an eccentric man who dressed like a clown and spoke theatrically. How did you meet someone like him in the first place? That's a story for another day.

With the time you both had, usually in the evening, he had developed a habit of visiting your place. By that hour, you'd be done with your day job, and you'd have the time to focus all your attention on him. It started as something casual, but as time went by, the two of you realized just how much you understood each other, at least to some extent.

His philosophy about freedom. The belief that being human itself is akin to being in a prison, it speaks to you. And the moment you expressed to him that you too shared the same belief, something changed between you two.

“Because you’re my…

Dear, intimate friend.”

He was fun to spend time with, so much so that it made you forget that he's a terrorist, a member of DOA. He brought colors to your uneventful, colorless life, and you didn't understand why.

“I guess you're sane in an insane way, Kolya.”

The clown laughed at the way you worded it. “Hilarious way to put it, [y/n]! You’d make for a talented comedian. You shouldn’t let this talent of yours go to waste! Don’t you think so?”

You sighed at his remark. “I’m way too anxious to do that. I can't stand in front of the stage and speak in theatrics like you do.” You eyed him playfully, and he giggled at that.

“Is that so? My dear friend can't handle the stage? How adorable, you’re intimidated by your own kind!” He scooted closer and cupped your chin in his hand. Your cheeks warmed up a bit at his touch, and you attempted to hide it. “You talk as if you're not a human yourself,” you said in return.

Nikolai’s grin grew even wider at your comment. “But I am one, I am a perfectly sane human being.” He tilted your head slightly to the side as he leaned even closer, his hot breath caressing your cheek. You swallowed nervously and darted your gaze away, unable to bring yourself to meet the silver haired clown's mismatched eyes.

And then he kissed you. It was a tender, loving kiss. Nikolai attempted to deepen the kiss, but you managed to push him away. He didn't try to force himself on you; however, he simply stared down at you with a smile. A smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

“Did you just kiss me? What was that even for?” 

“Because… I’m looking for an answer.”

“What?”

“I’m looking for an answer.”

You didn't quite understand what he meant at that moment.

This wouldn’t end well, you knew it. Yet, you couldn't resist him.

The relationship between you two was something that words couldn't quite explain. You two weren’t exactly lovers, but you weren’t exactly friends, either. An undefined one, dancing between the lines of friendship and romance. But did you want it to end? Of course not. You never questioned it, despite the uncertainty gnawing at you.

You had always been good at hiding your emotions after all, or at least, that's what you think. Good at fooling others into believing that you were okay when you were not, because you felt far too shameful to express them freely. You beat yourself up inside your head. You couldn't feel things normally, you either feel nothing or everything at once. It's too much. Nauseating. You hated those feelings. But one day, at the worst possible moment, the clown appeared before you. As you were grappling with your breakdown, you found yourself pouring out your thoughts and feelings to him. Nikolai was present with his vacant facet, silently listening to every word.

"I just want to be free. I hate feeling things. I hate this. I hate everything. I want everything to stop!" Your voice was laced with desperation, and you continued, "If I had a gun, I probably would've done it already. I'm so tired of all of this. My mind is telling me to stop, but I can't do it! I keep doing it, I can't stop myself. I wish my body would just give up. All the things I've done to my body, I've tried inflicting all sorts of damage to it, yet somehow, the heart still tries to beat, and so I remain alive."

In the midst of your distraught state, Nikolai's face held sympathy for a moment. He approached you and pulled you into a tight embrace. He didn't say anything, he kept silent— only his grip gradually tightening as if he wanted to crush your pain away.

—

Just like any other evening, you were in your room with Nikolai. He had brought you something new - a small variety of Ukrainian sweets. He said he wanted you to taste a piece of his homeland. It was unusual because Nikolai had never brought you food before despite his frequent visits, but he seemed eager, so you decided to show your appreciation by giving it a try.

In mere minutes, your stomach began to twist and turn, forcing you to curl up in pain at the edge of the bed. “Aren’t you going to help me?" you cried out, struggling to make sense of the situation.

"...."

"Oh, wait." "You're not going to help me because you intended to do this, right?” You managed to say as you writhed in agony.

Nikolai seemed momentarily disconnected from reality but soon snapped out of it and burst into laughter. “Oh, dove! Does it hurt? Yes, you’re a smart one, aren’t you? I did slipped a liiittle bit something into this dessert,” he placed his own food aside and peered over you. “But I didn’t use enough to kill you, what do you think!” He exclaimed loudly in his usual antics. You always thought you understood him, but there were moments when you couldn’t quite wrap your head around his thinking. This was one of those moments.

“After all we've been through, you’re trying to kill me now?”

For a moment, the silver-haired man appeared taken aback. “Why do you ask? That's precisely why I want to kill you. To prove my freedom. Don't you yearn for the same?”

"You wish to be liberated from your emotions, don't you?"

It didn’t take long for you to grasp the meaning of that. You both shared the same understanding, after all. That emotions made you feel imprisoned, but you never thought Nikolai would express it this way. Before you could respond, he continued.

“Because you’re my... intimate friend… it pains me to witness your struggle to break free, just as I am.” He mumbled, his eyes empty and distant. “You’re my dove. My dearest. My angel.” By each words spoken, his voice turned softer, and he sounded genuine for once.

After a trail of endearment terms rolled off his tongue, you spoke. “Perfect timing,” you whispered, managing a grin despite the aching pain in your stomach.

“Then, why don’t we find freedom together, Kolya?”

—

"Nikolai,” you whispered, caressing his cheek. You knew this would be the last time you'd see him. “How do you feel right now? You look happy. If you were to look in the mirror, your grin is so wide I didn't even know someone could smile like that.

“Hahahahahaha! I am indeed feeling ECSTATIC!” He pulled colorful balls out of his coat, along with a couple of knives, and began juggling them in his hands. “Now, it's time for a quiz! Which weapon will I use to end your life? I have knives, guns, bombs, oh, a wide variety of choices! This is going to be super thrilling! So exciting that words couldn’t do justice!” You could only manage a faint chuckle at this. “All of those weapons, because you like torturing people to death. Right?” 

Nikolai took a couple of steps closer to you, continuing to speak in his theatrics. “Ding dong! You are—” He reached for a small knife and aimed it at your throat. “WRONG! You're wrong! Thought you answered that right, didn't you?! Gotcha!” He giggled to himself, his eyes not leaving your figure as his other hand reached into his overcoat, pulling out another knife.

“Because you are my dear friend, [y/n], I will grant you the honor of receiving special treatment. I'll make it quick for you because I want you to be free as quickly as possible!”

You had agreed to Nikolai taking your life.

You saw it as a two-way street, a mutual exchange. He could attain the sense of freedom he so desperately sought, and you could be liberated from your thoughts, emotions, and feelings.

Your miserable existence.

“Ready to take off, my dear?” Nikolai questioned, his grin stretching from ear to ear. He was smiling, but it appeared more like a manic one, instead of genuine happiness. It made you wonder what sort of expression you were wearing. A whirlwind of emotions are surging within you.

You are going to die. In Nikolai’s hands.

Slowly, you nodded. “I am.” Nikolai's grin widened even further, it appeared almost unsettling. Before you could utter another word, Nikolai had already plunged two knives deep into your chest. Your eyes widened, and you collapsed to the ground. Nikolai swiftly straddled you, and he didn't cease his stabbing. “Scream! Shout! Let me hear your cry of freedom, granted by the great Gogol himself! Hahahaha!” Laughter consumed him as he continued to relentlessly stab your neck and chest.

The pain was unbearable, but you couldn’t quite scream properly. Everything happened so quickly. Only disjointed sounds escaped your lips, drowned out by Nikolai's increasingly intense laughter as he continued to stab you.

"Freedom! Oh, this is what I've been searching for! I feel nothing!" He yelled hysterically. His mismatched eyes locked onto yours, your vision starts to blur, yet you could still see Nikolai wearing the same grin and glaring eyes. "My dear friend! Tell me! You feel free as well, just as much as I do right now, correct? Don't let my effort in killing you be in vain! You are free! Free from that prison you've been in! Say yes! Say yes!" He continued his rapid speech, almost matching the rhythm of the stabs.

Feeling your body growing cold, you could only muster a faint smile in response, sensing your blood seeping from your chest and neck. It felt oddly calming. The pain had lessened. Your body turned colder and colder, but the blood oozing from your wounds felt warm.

With the last bit of your strength, you managed to touch his cheek. You weren't sure if it was a hallucination or not, but Nikolai appeared to flinch in surprise when your hand made contact with his skin. Your body temperature was plummeting rapidly.

“...Kolya..” you managed to croak out, before closing your eyes and falling limp.

The floor was now painted red. The silver-haired clown’s once monochrome attire had almost turned crimson; stained with your own blood. There was a moment of silence, so profound that Nikolai could hear his own breathing. But then his breathing quickened, and his smile broadened once more.

“Hahaha!” He laughed out loud, “Oh! My dear friend is finally free now!” He picked up his knife again and lunged over your lifeless body. You were no longer breathing, but Nikolai continued to stab you. “The freedom we've desperately sought! Liberated from this thing called brainwashing!” The clown's eyes remained wide with trembling irises, an impression of madness. Unlike before, his voice now bore a subtle crack, as his gestures also became unsteady.

The same expression remained on his face, but tears started streaming down his cheeks. Nikolai seemed unaware of his own tears. “My dear friend! Tell me that I've achieved this freedom! You can confirm it because you understand me, right? You're the only one who understands me, after all!” His tone grew almost frantic, and his voice continued to break with each word. He pulled the knives from your chest and threw them aside, squeezing your cold, lifeless hand tighter in his warm ones.

“Because you’re… my dear friend… and you’re the only one who understands me…”

[musicalmoritz]

do u hc any character on the aro/ace spectrum?

I love this question!! Unfortunately since TBHK is so heavily focused on romance, I don’t have many. Ofc aroace ppl can still date but fandoms tend to ignore the nuance of that statement and put them into relationships without considering what that means for them. I like to look at it a bit deeper because aroace headcanons do have some importance to me. My sister is aroace so every time I see a headcanon for a character being aspec I have to let her know lol. So before I get into this list I just wanted to say to any aroace ppl who see this, I love ya’ll, ya’ll are doing great <3

Nobody murder me, I’m going to explain. Typically I’m not a fan of aroace villains bcuz the trope has some nasty implications. That doesn’t mean no villain character can ever be headcanoned as aroace but I need some very good reasons before sticking with a headcanon like that. And for Tsukasa, I have my reasons!! A lot of fans tend to agree that he shouldn’t be in a relationship with anybody and that used to really annoy me because I don’t like the whole “this character is clearly mentally ill therefore they get no love” thing. I know it goes deeper than that with him being generally abusive but still. Eh. There are people with disorders that make them bad partners and those people are still very capable of getting therapy and improving. Plus most fans who say that claim to love toxic ships to like???

I’m not really a fan of any Tsukasa ships tho (I used to crack ship TsuAoi but those days are over) so I figured I would actually put some effort into giving a reason as to why he doesn’t do relationships. Rather than go the whole “he could hurt other people” route, I wanted to focus more about how Tsukasa himself would feel about dating. And to be honest? I don’t think he’d like it! He’s definitely interested in relationships as a concept but I don’t think he’s the type to take them seriously. I try to use this headcanon to humanize Tsukasa rather than demonizing him like a lot of people do with aroace villain headcanons. Love is very important to him on a platonic level but romance just isn’t his thing. And it creates a nice contrast in fics between him and characters whose lives center so much around romance. My sister actually is the one who introduced me to this hc and every aroace hc she has is law so I abide by it lmao

This one is way more recent but it makes so much sense to me. If you want to talk about characters who are more realistically potentially aroace, Tsuchigomori has never expressed the desire for a love interest in canon. When most adult male characters are single in fiction it’s seen as a problem (at least in a comedic sense), but with Tsuchigomori none of the characters question it. I feel like he has some level of interest in romance, maybe demiromantic?? But overall romantic attraction isn’t something he experiences easily

This one is more based on vibes and me hunting down every TBHK character that doesn’t have an arc connected to romantic attraction. I don’t think he realized it when he was alive because the people in his village didn’t talk about asexuality/aromanticism much. Maybe he thought he was gay but that didn’t quite feel right because his disinterest in women extended to everyone. He seems like the type to love being surrounded by people and be generally very personable, so his platonic relationships are very important to him. Just no romance

I know you specifically asked for aroace characters but I 100% see this man as demiromantic, and maybe demisexual too. Possibly completely asexual, though leaning more towards the positive side of the spectrum (or just neutral). Emotions don’t come easily to this man so love is a complicated subject but I do believe he’s capable of loving people romantically, just under specific circumstances and not in the traditional sense

I hope you liked these headcanons!! I’ve seen some others that interest me too. I once wrote a Sakuhiko request where they were both aroace and queer platonic, that was very fun. I’ve also seen both the Minamoto brothers written as asexual which is cool to me. Tbh I’m open to most types of headcanons unless I see one that inexplicably gives me the ick…but even then I mind my business bcuz I don’t have to agree with every headcanon I see. I may not have many aroace headcanons for TBHK but I have more for other fandoms, completely unrelated but I could write a whole essay on why Jean Valjean is aroace lol

[stardoc676]

Wow.. Just wow

Ogata really went from being "I have no attachments/people." "Why would I care if somebody's dead? Guilt is not real." " Going through the path of less resistance. If killing someone puts me in a better situation then I'll do it. There are no exceptions. This is the most efficient way to live."Everyone thinks like this. People are faking empathy. Which is unnecessary." and so many other things

To Ogata having several emotions towards ONE unlucky person deciding to keep that person locked up for reasons. if said person dies under his care, he then holds on to said body until people start noticing the smell.

(Ogata probably thinks this is a normal human behavior too) (( Finally, Ogata figures out gooey feelings/ love are real, and people are not lying. He experiences what he thinks could be those gooey feelings / love, then proceeds to do everything wrong in most insane way possible.))((( anyways I'm not studying in psychology like you so im probably wrong about my assessment of this man but this is what i'm getting)))

Ogata yandere AU!

Omg I love this type of comments! I like your way of thinking ♡

I'll try to explain this as simple as I can and I'd like to clarify that I'm gonna translate some things (because my psychology disorder text book is in Spanis, I don't know the English name for some of them)

First of all, the psychopath or sociopath terms are not use because they are a mixture of other symptoms and disorders. The most prominent one is the Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD for shorts) and it comes form the personality disorder (PD) scheme. in here there are a lots of other stuff like Obsessive-compulsive Disorder and narcissist behavior. So basically there is not such thing like one only archetype of psychopath.

Patients with APD have the following things in common: lack of empathy and little to no empathy (or only when they are caught). Something like that happens to Ogata in the manga at the finale, when he recognized his guilty feeling by the situation he is in, and when his plan uncovers by Tsurumi.

But other things in the APD scheme are that they tend to seek validation and have internal fights with their contrary emotions. By this, they could do things to harm others for their own pleasure or even be submissive in some escenarios to feel accepted by others.

In this AU, I like to think that his behavior is like this towards this person because he is seeking validation (one that he never had from his family) in an extreme way (harming others) because that's what it feels right to him and since he have this lack of empathy he doesn't know how to reach this feeling by a more healthy way. He is desperate to be in control of the one person he needs validation from in a strict way, one that couldn't be achieved if he didn't kidnapped them.

The "keeping his corpse thing" goes like this. Patients with Obessive-compulsive behavior have an intense desire to be organized or have everything the way they like. When things aren't like that, they have breakdowns in different ways. But sometimes, they keep things they no longer need. And something interesting about this is that they usually have a close mind setting about moral and ethics or tend to be really scrupulous about them.

Another thing I'd like to clarify is that Ogata is having this obsession just because. This happens to Stalkers that usually doesn't have a valid reason to do what they do. They just need someone to hold onto.

That is my analysis. And thanks a lot for your comment. I really like this topic ♡ and also, I'm just a psychology student by now. There are a lot of things that I couldn't know or be misinterpreted. Don't take this way to seriously.

[gor3sigil]

If mental illness makes you uncomfortable, first of all weird, bitch, and second of all, don't make me be forced to make you uncomfortable so you take me seriously.

I'm specifically talking about those relatives who can't keep their mouths shut about shit you can't do because of your mental illness(es) EVERYTIME you see them, so you get brutally honest and after that they get quiet or scold you for being rude.

A few examples that happened to me to illustrate:

Person A, for the billionth time: So Cyan, when are you going to get your driver's license ?

Me: I can't drive, I already explained it.

A: Oh but it was a while ago, and surely you can at least try now ? It'll be so much more practical for you to do [x] if you drive !

Me: I know, but like I said, I can't drive.

A: But you never even tried ! What could go wrong to just do one lesson ?

Me, upset: I knew a girl, she had a dissociative disorder like mine. She drove fine for years. Until one day, she dissociated while driving, not for a very long time, but long enough for her car to wrap itself around a tree. She was in a coma between life and death for 2 months, 6 months of reeducation, and now have chronic physical issues for life due to her accident. I won't take the risk of that happening to me when I already broke plates while doing the dishes from dissociating.

A: wow, okay, no need to get that in my face like that...

Example 2:

Person B: You're still taking anti depressants ?

Me: Yes, we increased them, in fact, I was going through some things.

B: Oh no, that's too much, when are you going to stop ?

Me: I don't know. Nor does my therapist. It works for now, that's what matters.

B: But that's so bad for your health, and you can't depend on pills all your life ! Have you tried to decrease the dosage at least ?

Me: Yes, I did. It didn't work.

B: But maybe you didn't give it enough time. It may be uncomfortable for a while, but you can't keep taking meds every day. Did you try for long enough ? Did you really try ?

Me: I did for 2 months, and at first, I started hallucinating again. Then, I'd spend all day layed down on the couch, scratching my arm to see if it was still attached to my body. After that, I didn't recognize my face in the mirror. So after everything, I started to believe my body had been replaced by an android copy of my human one and that my mind had been transfered into it. That I was being used as a guinea pig , but my closed ones couldn't tell me because it'd make me go insane and cause my mind and body to disynchronize and kill me. It took months for this delusion to go away even after getting back on meds.

B: Oh wow okay... i didn't need to know that.

If you don't want me to make you uncomfortable by telling you about the worst symptoms I had until I see you become pale with shock, then take my words for what they are and stfu. It happens all the time and seriously, it's exhausting. Mind your own business.

[b-ritney]

My Favorites Fics

This is going to be an ever expanding list that I will edit from time to time, I have almost 400 liked stories though so it will take me a while to get through everything!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't be offended if a story you wrote doesn't come up on the list I promise I don't mean to leave anyone out I LOVE all the stories I've liked and the writers, and I tell my IRL friends about your writing ALL the time!

I will write next to each thing what it is :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Take The Edge Off by @ohcaptainstains : SMUT

This is soooo good it's one of the first fics I read when I got really into this community and I was immediately hooked.

Aftercare by @dazed-nymphsss : FLUFF but mentions smut

Another really sweet one I read at the beginning of my obsession, I read it while I was overnight dog-sitting for my grandma's neighbor and I just remember the dog giving me the weirdest looks when I was giggling and kicking my feet.

Gentle With Me by @swingsuckerswing: SMUT

Reminds me of a movie I just can't figure out which one though.... I just love how Eddie is so sweet about the whole first-time thing.

he's gentle when he wants to be by @munsonussy: SMUT

LITERALLY, I DIED "Is it okay if I touch you baby, or not yet?" SUCH A GENTLEMAN AHHHHH

something extra by @luveline: SMUT

It's the way he so sexily explains what he's gonna do to the reader and asks if it's ok and everything, we love a respectful man UGH actually though it is so so so so good.

Eddie loves on anxious reader drabble by @bambimunson: FLUFF

As someone who struggles with an anxiety disorder this type of love and affection would make me want to hold onto that person and never let them go sooooo sweet!

Shy! reader joins hellfire by @luveline: FLUFF

THE ENDING BRUH I kid you not I cried, having a friend like Eddie would be so special. Who gave him the right to be this charming and adorable!

Aftercare w/ Eddie by @silkscream: FLUFF with mentions of smut

I'm a fool for the giggly, loving afterglow when nothing else matters but the 2 of you. This is *chefs kiss*

Right Here by @upsidedownwithsteve: Fluff but with *sMuTtY sPicE*

Shit you not I probably come back and read this at least once a week... I think I'm jealous of the reader lmao, The shotgunning is... *bites knuckle* so so so so sexy.

Eddie holds your hand while he eats you out by @manicpixiedreamcurl: SMUT

If one day someone ever loves me for real, they better hold my hand like this.

Systematic Oppression by @fierce-writer Guns n Roses Meme

They would absolutely do that, also LOVE your profile pic Myles and Slash kick ASS!

Period Sex w/ Eddie by @ddejavvu: SMUT

Some people are just lucky I guess UGH we love a bf how doesn't mind getting a little messy haha seriously though Im in love with this lmao

Size kink with Billy Hargrove by @tommydarlings: SMUT

I love the whole thing but the NSFW part *bites knuckles again* my intimidation kink is really making itself known rn lmao

Bi-Billy I'm Nervous by @smolkiwi98 : SMUT

I resonated with this one so much, my virgin ass still goes crazy re-reading this all the damn time. The reader just sounded so much like me lmao but LIKE when he's still a little mean when she tenses up HEHEHEHE I'm a SLUT for that shit.

FACESITTING W/ EDDIE by @forourmoons: SMUT

I'm what society considers plus size sooo I've always been hesitant to even indulge myself in this topic, but HOLY SHIT, this fic is so cute and encouraging, while also being nasty af. Like me LMAO JK JK

Baby, Kiss Me Quick by @upsidedownwithsteve: SMUT

Call me sweetheart again I dare you! ..... no seriously like call me sweetheart again hehehehehehe (Have you ever heard sponge bob say "I loOOVVEE ITTTT" bc that's what I sound like rn.)

Ice Cube request by @sunflowersteves: SMUT

Listen.... don't knock it till you try it, that's all I'm gonna say. LMAO seriously though this is again *chefs kiss* (PLZ DON'T TRY THIS UNLESS YOU'VE TALKED TO LIKE A DOCTOR OR SOMETHING, just keep the ice on the outside unless you know what your doing...)

Stick & Poke by @idkmanijustwannawrite SMUT

I'm just jealous of the reader honestly, I'm a whore for that shit, also is it weird that I like the feeling of being tattooed... the whole experience is like a challenge to see if you can take it or not... OMG I just learned something about myself LMAO

camera shy by @bowerquinn SMUT

excuse me while I *swallow my whole fist* it stayed up until 2am reading this one a while back.

Babysitter x Steve by @mypoisonedvine: SMUT

This was like a gateway drug for me into the universe of STEDDIE X BABYSITTER fics which is currently my all-time favorite trope. It's so good omfg.

Angst writer Meme by @thedialup

Lol the cheeky little smile on the stick figures face is accurate as hell too, they know they are channeling all that internal rage and turmoil into a masterpiece lmao.

The "Yes" Policy by @pinkrelish Mix of Fluff/SMUT/angst kind of

This series has 7 PARTS as of right now, when I tell you it's good it's fucking GOOD, the way the tension slowly builds between the reader and Eddie is so... for lack of a better term *tAntAliZinG* I LOVE IT.

Boys On Film by @corrodedcorpses SMUT

This writer... y'all this writer, she is F.A.N.T.A.S.T.I.C this is also a series that is so FUCKING good.

June Baby by @luveline Mix fluff/angst/ idk about smut I haven't finished the series yet.

Ok, so this series consistently made me cry in the best way. Something about Eddie just being so good to this young single mom made me emotional, so so amazing.

Soft Sex with Eddie by @wroteclassicaly SMUT

This makes me involuntarily shake.. like a constant state of anticipation the intimacy is OFF THE CHARTS. I loVe iT

Rumour by @msgexymunson SMUT

This..... I don't even know where to start.. not only has this series been giving me actual life the last few weeks but I JUST KEEP COMING BACK TO IT... listen, the dick piercing? masterstroke my friend, well done. take a bow honestly. *clap* *clap* *clap*

Love Me Deep by @tastefulstars SMUT

These men have a choke hold on me right now... why is it that the idea of being helpless between them turns me on so much lmao. Maybe it's like the unintentionally filthy, dirty talk they do, idk lol.

The Sheep by @newlips SMUT

It's the tattoo's for me *drooling*

Shy reader x Rockstar Eddie! by @lucasnclair FLUFF

The cutest... this is basically what I want from my future rockstar husband. I will come back and thank this writer when I print this story and hand it to my husband as a BLUEPRINT lmao (don't worry I'll make sure I credit you haha)

Paparazzi by @tiannasfanfic FLUFF/ SMUT/ ANGST

I apologize for the language but good FUCKING god this fic made me feel all the emotions. This writer's talent is unbelievable! I will say I love how you made Eddie's publicity wife the actual baddest bitch ever, we love a powerful woman who helps those in need.

How They Comfort You by @dazed-nymphsss FLUFF with some innuendo

Love the whole thing but when Billy says, "You wanna go for a ride?" THE FACT THAT HE LITERALLY HAS NO POSITIVE EXAMPLES IN HIS LIFE AND HE IS STILL DOING THE BEST HE CAN FOR HIS PARTNER MAKES ME FERAL

Taking Steve and Eddie At The Same Time... by @indulgentlyinclined SMUT

The way this kept me up at night for 3 days straight. I- am drooling

Steddie X babysitter by @imjuststeddietrashatthispoint SMUT

I could go on for FUCKING WEEKS about this currently 2 PART series.... It is my current obsession and the topic of every conversation I have with my irl friend I read fics with... I almost stayed awake through the night when I stumbled on this one... like I was giggling so much I had to keep stopping and starting lol... literally so good.

Pretty Sounds by @eddiethefreakkmunson SMUT

Can you imagine if this was reality though... Axl Rose is on his fucking knees, Eddie would be his god.

Sitting on Eddie's Amp by @corrodedcherry SMUT

Thank you for giving yet another reason to love dirty ass rockstars... I've been perched on top of a live amp before lmao.... listen... like I said before, DONT KNOCK IT TILL YOU TRY IT

Eddie's rings while he eats you out by @niceboyeds and @munsonology SMUT

But can you imagine though UGH

Inked Eddie x reader x steve by @muertawrites SMUT

Again with the tattoo thing, I LOVE the feeling of being tattooed so I don't relate to the reader's physical pain BUT BUT BUT I can relate to wanting to be in her exact position every time I read this fic, AHHH the jealousy is TOO REAL lol

Approved by @writingdumpster SMUT

I can't wait to make my parents this angry lmao, this is soooo *spIcY*

As You Wish by @corroded-hellfire SMUT

I'm biting my knuckles again seriously like this is sooo damn hot. Thank you for giving me life with another Babysitter fic UGH

weekend storm by @wroteclassicaly SMUT

You're a wizard Harry, seriously this is *MaGic*

Enjolras eats mad revolutionary pussy by @ceriseheaven SMUT

When I tell you I showed this to everyone... *bites knuckles* the part with the corset... you're a GENIUS! also..... THE FRENCH

I'm In Control by @justmeinadaze SMUT SMUT SMUT

Every time you update I giggle with excitement. This series blows my mind in the best way ugh

Helping Hands by @daddyreid SMUT

The way this has invaded my thoughts every day since the first time I read it... round of applause for this author.

Easy Like A Sunday Afternoon by @newlips SMUT

My friend and I read this together during the intermissions of a hockey game and we both screamed at the part where he protects her head WE LOVE A THOUGHTFUL CARING MAN!

Baby, as if by @carolmunson SMUT SMUT SMUT

OK be warned if you are not into dark toxic mean Eddie then you might want to be very cautious, but FOR ME.... my panties evaporated LMAO are we okay?! hahaha

Perv Eddie Eats Your Puss while you sleep by @corrodedcherry SMUT

... imagine having like a sexy dream and then waking up and it's for real happening ummmm.... hehehehe (consensual of course)

Eddie spits on your pussy by @ceriseheaven

Take a bow queen bc this is a masterpiece, when he, "need another taste baby, you'll give it to me?" LMAO my mom goes "Why the fuck are you screaming." This is absolutely one I'll come back too, I'm sending this to the girly group chat as we speak.

[kaledya]

I'm back, trying to answers things and not forget anything 🌸

So Lolicia faq !

Favorite food ?   - muffaletta sandwich   - shrimp with piment sauce   - mango beverages

Favorite activity ?   - playing harp   - dance (but it's take a lot of energy if there is no water close by)   - harvesting purple cords (its like gardening ?)

I can't say too much yet but she good at foreign languages and history. And she likes fashion of course!

For personality traits, I don't really know what you mean ? But she is on the autism spectrum disorder (just like me🌸)

I don't really know what is 'habits' exactly ?

Which overlords Lolicia have met ? (Before The Overlord Meeting ARC)

- Haven't met : Rosie, Vox, Serenity - Might talk to but never met face-to-face : Carmilla, Velvette - Have met : Zestial, Alastor, [spoiler ep 5.3] Val

_

For the Succubuses lifespan question ?

I think Succubus/Incubus lives longer than Imps generally if they harvest more lust from Humans/Demons/Others they actually made their lifespan better and longer! Until 500 years old ?

And yes Lazuli is alive ! Slaying.

Lazuli is very pretty, uniquely blue and mute succubus, she works in the best luxury brothel of the Lust Ring, she will live long for sure! And if Flora becomes her mentor to be next Madam, I'm sure Lazuli will be good at it ! Lady Lazuli hell yes.

I'm glad you love her !!🌸 Like a cute djinn a little (a marid because she would be like a water djinn ahah) 

And I saw you draw the outfits i made for Constantine and Verdelet 🌸 its just Ver give me this rebellious rocks vibes sometimes !

And I love your smileys !

_

• Big message answers

The cleric thing is hilarious! AND OF COURSE I LIKE IT.

_

I hope you are not sick/coughing no more ! Hope you are fine. Ahah the grandmother voice is scary in some way!

_

Of course, Verdelet is a duke now, he has a room too big with 373838383 clothes or something. And somehow he probably stay in his house with the same pretty flowing silk bathrobe, like a rich widow or something even if he has never been married ahah.

_

*trying not to laugh when I see you in pain about the philosophical thoughts*

I mean I was so surprise too ! When I see you answer to that but at least its good, its mean, without knowing it, we are in agreement in some lore you haven't explained yet ! (Linked to Lolicia deep backstory)

_

Not nevermind, I love this sentence to make sure people are recovering from your language. So pretty ! And thank you. I battle the sickness and win, so I'm back on track slowly !

*hugs* 🌸

_

Zootopia/Zootropolis is such a guilty pleasure!

_

Serenity is charismatic to the core. That Misfortune Overlord outfit you draw ? Still make me fall on my knees each time I see her ahah.

I like the idea for Constantine eyes !

And, oh my gods yes to the golden parts on his body ! *I want i want, in niffty scream too* I'm waiting with popcorn. Like ?? Slay ! Constantine makeover. Mel and Malenia (I was about to say Minthara ahah) such good exemple. I'm so here for it.

I just imagine Constantine and Lolicia "competition for fun of clothes and style" like who is the most beautiful but at the end they just pillow fight ahah!

_

Response to comments

Thank you for all the feedback damn it. *cry in mess* where is my hamster ? I didn't expect it you like so much ! Especially I had the scene in my mind for a little week and I had fever when I write it but it paid of, its exactly like I imagine and I'm so glad you like it!

And yes for the blood gore, I always try to put a trigger warning, I don't have the same sensibility to it than others so I try to be cautious and for that it always make sense.

And Alastor and Charlie is like :

C : be okay, Al, I care for you. We will be friend. A : what the hell was that ChArLie?!

Alastor mind : "She is witch. She tries to kill me in my sleep and pretend to be nice." Charlie mind : "We are in better terms now (:"

I will stop ahah.

Thank you again for everything and thank YOU. Have a nice day 🌸

HI!!

-Seriously exotic dishes are their favourite. I love this!

- ı really like that their favorite activity is playing the harp, dancing fits them well too, and yes, I think that consider as gardening, after all, they harvest something, right?

-Yes, I can definetly see they loves fashion, they always wears amazing dress! 💅💅

--

For persosonel trait Some kind of positive or negative characteristics. for example;

-Constsntine's sleep schedule is terrible, sometimes he doesn't sleep for hours and acts like a mad genius when he's sleep deprived.

-or has terrible eating habits, but he usually eats cereals and sweets when he is alone.

-Since Serenity loved animals very much when she was little, she would always catch a lizard or a possum and bring it home.

Etc Etc. So you can think of it as the character's habits.

-It's very interesting that Lolicia is on the autism spectrum!! (Like their parent(you) 🌸🌸)

You can think of habits as the character's habits / things he constantly does, similar to the example given above

---

Okay, now that you know which overlords you know, I'm better prepared for what's to come.AND YES, VAL, I AM WAITING FOR THE NEW EPISODE TO COMMENT ON THE EPISODE, BUT WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN THESE TWO? Did Val have a crush on Lolicia and they rejected him and now he can't handle being rejected?

I was relieved to hear that they lived for a really long time, and yes, a sucubuss as beautiful and talented as Lazuli would probably climb the steps of success easily if she had the right teacher!And of course he will have a long life with him. future madam lady And of course I loved her, she is cute in personality and her design is beautiful!!!

---

Lmao I'm glad you like it Cleric joke But I even have a plan B. If Cleric doesn't work, I'll use my Necrohamster (I love puns)

--

I am good! Grandmother/An alcoholic in the late 1980s, my voice is gone, freedom at last *imagine me posting a photo of a man breaking my chains at sunset*

-LMAO! Verdelet Please never change May he remain as a diva forever slayyy💅💅💅

- Yes, I am in pain, but on the other hand, I am happy because of it!!

-Thank you!! I'm glad you liked her outfit. I'm thinking of doing a ref sheet for Serenity soon. It's really fun to draw her Misfortune jacket!

-Constantine, I'm so glad you loved the idea of adding the gold parts!!! I couldn't add those gold extensions to his body in a good way right now.But now he has gold ornaments on his horns + gold scales under his eyes Slay💅

And yes good old Mithata ( our beloved girl boss)

--

And seriously, the episodes were masterpieces, you really cooked! Also, I don't think you should limit yourself too much for blood and gore, after all, this is an 18+ series.

So be as free as you want, I really love reading your works!!?

--

And Charlile and Alastor lmao Seriously loves the dynamics

Al: This girl is not stupid. Why is she being nice to me? Or is she making a plan behind my back? No, that's not possible. She's too good-hearted for that.... Weird..

Then Charlie, looking with puppy dog eyes: I just want to be friends!

Thank you for responding again! I wish you a good day too!!

[the-astrophel-system]

Why Our Alters Mask

tw // brief mentions of ramcoa (no details), using peoples triggers against them, ableism, family being uneducated, brief mentions of deadnaming and misgendering

so, we have a therapist who doesn't specialise in dissociative disorders. but for right now, shes kinda our only option (which is fine, we like her).

but we were talking in our session yesterday and she asked if our mum was aware of our alters and was accepting and stuff. its complicated, but the answer is yes. she's still a bit hesitant, but accepts the fact that we think we have this disorder.

anyway, we mentioned to our therapist that she has been introduced to a few different alters, but we mask almost constantly, so its not like she picks up on it herself.

and our therapist was confused.

again, this is someone who doesn't specialise in this sort of thing, so we do have to talk about our experience and those of people in the community (but y'know she also does have access to scientific and professional stuff, so its not like we're going "our system is the only way it can present").

but i was SO surprised that she was surprised that so many systems mask.

i explained that if you freely drop the mask, thats gonna inform your abusers that what they're doing is working in their favour. they'll learn triggers and use that to their advantage. now, im coming at this from a organic system's pov, we haven't been programmed, nor am i claiming that if systems unmask, they'll automatically be a victim of programming, or later-in-life abuse where the abuser is trying to manipulate the system.

i told our therapist that if you give out your triggers, or you start presenting these switches, people can pick up on those patterns and then use that to their advantage. i clarified and said that i dont think our mum or family would do this to us, its just very very vulnerable and can be dangerous if we unmask completely.

even comments like "you're acting grouchy today", "stop being so childish", and "you never act like this". can all hurt so much and make the system or that particular alter feel guilty for existing the way they do. it would be amazing to unmask around family, but when i have before, i get told im being rude or mean, when thats just how i interact with people. i tease, im a bit blunt, and i tend to swear a lot. im not trying to be rude or offensive, but i constantly feel like an asshole if i do unmask, just because this edgy exterior is who i am.

it can also sometimes be embarrassing for other alters when you do unmask. im sometimes embarrassed by other parts interests, clothes, attitudes, and more. its internalised shit and im working on it. but if we were to unmask, im so worried people wont take me seriously, just because they know of a part who acts differently. and that sucks so much.

another thing is getting told shit like "this is all so confusing", "you have too many alters, how am i supposed to keep track", "you're placing the blame elsewhere because you dont want to admit what you did wrong". comments like that suck so fucking much. i hate them, they hurt, and they're based in misunderstanding.

having many alters (even just any number over 10) can be extremely confusing to others. but i haven't met a single system who expects others to fully know of, remember, and relate to all their alters. all i ask is you accept each new part and if you do happen to remember some names, thats awesome.

it also connects to a lot of gender shit, which our family struggles with. we still cant get them to use our preferred name or pronouns, and we feel like we're too much if we share that we have multiple parts that use different or multiple pronouns. i get that it can be confusing, i understand, especially because my family doesn't see me all that often and if my name and pronouns change each time we see them, it will be a lot to remember. i get it. but my family fills me with so much fear because i feel like they wont try. they wont try to connect with, or understand me. its not fair and its incredibly isolating.

we've also been told that we're placing the blame of negative actions, onto other alters. which, we never do btw. the only time we "shift the blame" is if we try to explain that we don't fully remember what we said or did, because of amnesia. we always try to take responsibility, its just not seen as fair for people to say we're "shifting the blame" any time we try to explain what is going on for us internally. our did isn't an excuse, but its an explanation, yet no one lets us explain.

i explained most of this to my therapist and said that one day we can hopefully be able to unmask more around our family (or even just our mum and brother) so we're less drained all the time. we would get less comments like "why aren't you talking to me", "you're so grouchy", "why are you watching (x show) thats for kids". and more comments like "oh is it (x alter)? thats okay, i wont be mad if you need some time alone", "oh! watching (x show), is this a good episode?", "hey, it seems like (x alter) or (y alter) might be around. i know you're very blunt but just remember to be kind towards your brother", "im not sure if you remember yesterday, but (x alter) and i started this conversation, would you like to talk to me about this, or would you like to wait until (x alter) is back?". or whatever the comments are.

accepting that we are slightly different and not expecting consistency of behaviour, likes, or memories, is so important to us. who knows if this will ever happen for us, idk i guess we wait and see

- virgil (he/him)

[featherymainffins]

No but since we're on the topic of eating disorders anyway, I'm really grateful for the doctor who's gonna lead my individual therapy as well as the group DBT therapy, because she's the first person who takes my issues with food and body image seriously and doesn't shame me for them.

Like I genuinely wasn't expecting that. Because I'm so used to professionals just kinda shrugging it off or mocking me. When I was a pre-teen and then a teen, they always asked the wrong questions and didn't pry more, and I genuinely didn't understand what they were asking. They always asked if I thought I was fat. But until two years ago, my perception of myself was not actually warped in this way - I was cognitively aware that I was not fat, because I could look around myself and see that most people were bigger than me, and logically I understood that I wore XS and S clothes. So I always said no. It was the truth. I didn't think so. But I felt fat. An emotional component of me was telling me that I was fat, while my visual perception was telling me that I wasn't. But they never asked me about how I felt, only what I thought. And they never pried more.

I had one psychiatrist who did, but she was aggressive and made me feel ashamed about everything. She kept threatening me, saying that if I had an eating disorder she'd call a psychiatric hospital and they'd lock me up. It was a threat, so I avoided talking about it. She also tried to weigh me several times despite me getting a panic attack every time. I tried to explain to her that it makes me feel intense fear and that I would rather die than step on a scale, and I was willing to weigh myself at home if she needed to know that bad, I just needed to do it on my own time with enough mental preparation, but she'd never listen.

When I started transitioning, I had to clam up about my body and food issues completely. Another psychiatrist told me that I had to choose - I could either be a man, or I could have an eating disorder. She would treat me as a girl if I decided that I have problems with my body image and food.

Most other professionals have just shrugged it off. They always ask how much I eat during anamnesis. I don't lie about it, though I try to make it sound light-hearted. It's supposed to be funny. I'm supposed to be funny. "Oh...well...not much. You know how it is, no time for things like food haha." They don't ask if there's a reason besides time, so I don't say anything. I'm not sure if I'm secretly hoping they'll pry, I'm not sure if I'm hoping that they notice something nervous behind my chuckle. Either way, they don't.

But when I was at one of the DBT interviews they do before the group therapy begins, the doctor was doing my anamnesis and talking about BPD and DBT etc etc. It was partly boring and I felt like she thought I was an idiot. Logically, I think she found it as awkward as I did, and I wonder if she was hoping I would stop her. You see, I told her that I'm studying psychology during the anamnesis. I was aware and very familiar with about 90 % of everything she was telling me about psychology, the brain, BPD and DBT. I couldn't decide if it was weirder to let her go on about things I know like the back of my hand or to stop her and tell her that she doesn't have to say all that. I decided to just nod through it. At one point during my anamnesis, she asked about how much I eat.

"Eeeeh, well, could be better, you know how it is."

She asked what that meant, if I could put the amount of food into a number. I assumed the anamnesis needed a number. She asked me if once a day would be correct. I said yes, which was a lie. I wasn't about to tell her that these days I go without food more often than not. Way more often than not.

"You must be really tired," she offered.

Nobody has ever said that to me before. I was tired. Most of these days I'm tired, fatigued, exhausted. So I told her that I was tired. And that the worst part was that I was well aware it was because of me not eating, but that I couldn't stop. And how I was aware of all the other effects it was having on my body, how annoying it is that all wounds take forever to heal because my body doesn't have enough protein and how I need to wear bandages because otherwise I keep scratching and opening the wounds again and then they take forever to heal again, rinse and repeat. I didn't have to say anything, she herself said that that's probably something we'll want to work on, and jotted it down.

I felt really elated because I was fully expecting her to ask the dreaded question "How can you be a man and have symptoms of an eating disorder?" or to say "Hmmm, so in my opinion you may have deluded yourself into thinking you are trans, but you actually just have an eating disorder." but she didn't do either of that. So um yeah.

[v-anrouge]

Hey ! It's a strange question, ik, but is there someone who have adhd ? I just got diagnosed, and idk what to do anymore.. Apparently I won't be able to do some jobs (like teacher or office jobs), so any recommandation maybe ?? Or just someone explaining to me how to live happy with adhd-

I have adhd (diagnosed but i don't do any treatment due to multiple factors) and oh i get you so bad :/ when I first got diagnosed i sad such a big mental breakdown, seriously, for me it was if my life has just ended but anon i promise you, it's really just your brain that is going through the internalized ableism phase.

You have lived your life so far with adhd, it just got diagnosed but it was always there, and yet you continued on, life was probably tough but you made it through, all of your journey you always had to deal with adhd, and yet you never gave up.

This thing about jobs, yes they do become much hard but they're not impossible, there's ways to treat adhd, you can take the medicine and also search for professional help (which is what id highly encourage especially now that you just got the diagnosis)

I know it seems tough right now and don't get me wrong, adhd is a disorder so it will be tough forever, but anon you are much stronger than it, what you're feeling right now is natural i think most people passed through it after diagnosis, but we all eventually recovered, not from adhd, but from this feeling of doom that having the confirmation brings you, so you will too.

About living with adhd i really don't have many tips besides from searching for professional help because it's really really necessary and will help you immensely but after i got diagnosed i searched about what to do to help, ways to cope, and that type of thing. Remember that you shouldn't feel ashamed of having adhd, you're human, and your disorder does not define you, even if it's constantly making your life harder.

Again id really recommend searching about adhd and about people like us who also live with the disorder both to soothe your brain with knowing you're not alone and also to have answers to your multiple questions, you can also search for ways to cope, and try them out to see if any helps you feel better, at least that's what I did since i don't have access to actually treatment. I hope you do though anon, and i hope you're able to feel better soon, im proud of you for reaching out, take care 🫂🫂

[dandeliicnsarchiived]

🚩🚩🚩

send me a 🚩 and i'll share my unpopular rpc opinions and hot takes. bonus points if you include a specific topic to talk about, like follower count, softblocking, graphics, etc. // accepting

Aesthetic vs Writing: I don't see this a lot but I think it needs to be addressed. And I wanna say this is NOT directed at anyone this is simply based off of OLD rpc days that sometimes hit me from time to time. I really hated when writers would be ignored for not having the prettiest of graphics, themes, icons or even url names. I've met some amazing writers who have had bare bones of everything, didn't do formatting and they were often ignored because they weren't aesthetic enough. Just because someone doesn't wanna spend hours trying to make things pretty does not mean that they're bad writers. It's the biggest example of don't judge a book by its cover - actually take the time to get them, learn about their characters and then make a decision if you feel their characters are right for you. Yes aesthetics are attractive but I hate it when it's a deal breaker.

Taking things too seriously: I've been made aware and experienced writers that took things too seriously when it came to writing. Yes, do the research, explain the lore, but understand that you don't own concepts unless youre building from the ground up. Example; I do not own the ideas and concepts of the abilities that my characters have. I often credit where I got the base from and make the necessary changes that fit my lore. If someone had similar concepts you won't see me throwing a rage a fit because someone decided to have their oc have similar abilities as mine. I do not own electricity and fire manipulation. I do not own witch craft AND I SURE AS HELL DON’T OWN WEREWOLF/VAMPIRE HYBRIDS; therefore, I will never been upset if someone has the same things as me. What I'd most likely be upset about is if someone took headcanons that are 95% based off my life experiences/journey through life and applied it to their characters. Example being; my "living with depression" headcanon - the system that Rosalie has to keep herself grounded is the same system I have in order to deal with my adjustment disorder that amplifies my depression. How Rosalie doesn't want to burden people with her depressive episodes is so how I personally act with my loved ones so im not a burden to them. What I do NOT own is the mental illness of depression. It looks different on EVERYONE who has it. We all have our systems to keep us alive. Now, if someone was to come to me and say "hey your headcanon about depression really hit home for me; I'd like to use that as a base for my character because I haven't really thought in detail about how they deal with" THATS COMPLETELY FINE because yknow maybe im not the first person to come up with that system! I encourage people to come to me if people feel like my writing resonates with them and inspires them to think a little deeper. I at most want the respect of asking me or letting me know what their thought process is so I don't assume and get annoyed for no reason. This is a big world but small all the same, we can share, we can inspire but we can't do is take ownership of a concept that has more than enough resources that everyone can use to manipulate in their own way. Also give credit where credit is due- but don't work yourself up over it too much.

Blocking/Softblocking: now I wanna put out there that I RESPECT everyone's rules and understand that they don't owe ANYONE an explanation as to why they choose to block someone/soft block someone. However, HOWEVER; That isn't for me. As someone who has made mistakes in the past and is TERRFIED of doing them again, I'd at least like a heads up and in return I'd so the same to someone else if they upset me in anyway. I don't need the nitty gritty but at least let me know what I did wrong to upset you. The Army taught me to take constructive criticism and that PERCEPTION IS THE REALITY. You perceive that I am disrespecting you, that is YOUR reality, I have no right in telling you that you're wrong. You are ENTITLED to your emotions, and I respect that. On the other hand, I am not a perfect person- I can word things wrong, I can misinterpret conversations and social cues. I want to be educated on how to be BETTER. I can take a grilling, I can take being raked against the coals. You got the evidence? Shiiitt, if it looks wrong, sounds wrong, ITS WRONG. Please give me the opportunity to learn from it; maybe I forced a ship too hard bc I was too excited for the potential dynamic(friendships included in this). Maybe I forgot to tag something that I didn't seem that was triggering and for you it was! I won't ever beg someone to give me another chance, but I will ask on ways to improve so I don't screw over the next person. The last thing I want is to ruin an experience for someone, I did it once and I'll try like hell to not do it again. I won't beg for someone to stay around, you are entitled to your safety and mental wellbeing online. I just personally like to learn from the experience because maybe others like you feel the same way and you could be speaking for them. As much as I say I don't take things too seriously, I take these writing shenanigans as a hobby and have fun; I do take mental health and emotional health very seriously to every writer behind the screen. I don't know what you're going through, I am not you. The very least i can do is listen to understand and fix whatever mistakes I've made and make sure they don't happen again. Also to anyone who has rp'd with me in the recent years, and I've done something to wrong you, I deeply apologize and I hope I didn't ruin an experience for you.

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

Hello, I'm the anon that spoke about autism, sorry about the asks being so close together, but I just read your response.

I entered the Psychology field to be able to treat patients from a ND's point of view and offer a different brand of understanding and comfort than I've seen myself and a thousand others (especially people who have schizophrenia, Tourette's and DID) be given.

I have a newfound brand of respect for you ( I am clarifying, because text is tricky, that I already respected and quite admired you as it is, it's simply increased) for the response you've provided. Thank you very much.

Autism, even nowadays, has a ton of misconceptions even for professionals who are biased. It is still diagnosed as Asperger's (even though the term has been in disuse and was taking out of the official Psychology term and had the reasoning well explained, due to its disgusting story), and nobody bothers to tell patients about it, or even worse, people don't care enough to know the difference or change their view of it even when told. This, paired with the whole view that Autism is an illness, that vaccines can cause it, and a thousand other misconceptions, make it so even getting a diagnosis becomes detrimental to people getting a job in the future, and so, people become isolated. The way you've immediately pointed out that both children were vastly different even when they were both autistic is heartwarming and it is the reason Autism is an spectrum. Once again, thank you.

Because I have no personal knowledge on your own case, nothing but textbook understanding from my field of study, I won't comment on it, but I agree with you wholeheartedly. Even as someone who does not have to live with it, it is disheartening to have to constantly see, both in cases and in day-to-day life, how any kind of mental illness, neurodivergent, etc, ESPECIALLY Schizophrenia in any capacity, becomes the go-to for shows and movies' killers and bad guys, or is boiled down to either comedic relief and/or something 'quirky'. It seems to never be taken seriously and talked about it maturely, and I despise it. Please, know that at the very least one of your followers is deeply understanding of this and that you should feel free to speak about it without fear of judgement.

You've made a safe space for us, allow us to make a safe space for you too. You're a very kind soul and I wish you the best.

Your writing is wonderful, and you've made me feel incredibly secure and comfortable in reading any other set of headcanons you've made for the rest of the characters (especially Mihawk in this case), because now, thanks to you, I know how they're going to react to my ND and my mind doesn't get to try and be self-detrimental. I know it seems silly, but in a way, you've done something extremely important to change a small part of my life and I sincerely thank you ❤️.

First, please don't feel like you ever have to apologize for asks here, close together or otherwise. I'm always happy to respond when I'm able to.

Second, it's my dream to be able to go into psychology as a profession, for the same reason, to be able to help people with similar problems who are often misdiagnosed and misrepresented.

Third, on autism specifically, the fact that there are STILL people who believe it can be "triggered" by vaccination honestly disgusts me. It's misinformation that leads to people keeping their children from getting protection against potentially deadly illnesses, and as a result potentially exposing other children to said illnesses. Absolute bullshit.

Autism is a fucking mental health disorder. It's not "triggered" by anything. It's also not something to be feared. It's a thing that happens, something that some people are born with and some aren't. The only reason it's more prevalent now than it was in the past, in my opinion, is because neurodivergeant kids in the past were just dismissed as "probelm-children" and given no further attention, so it just wasn't given as much attention in the past. We've come a long way since then, but that ideology does still exist and it frankly disgusts me.

So fourth, I do thank you for your understanding, regarding schizophrenia. There are a lot of people who consider "schizophrenic" synonymous with "psychotic serial killer." Definitely not the case here. As I said in the last post, my main symptoms are auditory hallucinations. Most of my auditory hallucinations revolve around insulting me and making me feel insignificant. It's like there's an army of little goblins that live in my head and exist for the sole sake of second-guessing everything I say and do.

I hate it, but it's what I deal with.

And I don't want anyone else to have to ever deal with that.

I want everyone here to be happy and comfortable.

[miraculoussides]

DR2 Survivor Incorrect Quotes Cause I can (Can be seen as Platonic/Romantic)

Sonia: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? Fuyuhiko: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. Hajime: Three of us saw it, Fuyuhiko. How do you explain that? Fuyuhiko: *points at Akane* Sleep deprivation. *points at Hajime* Paranoia. *points at Kazuichi* Delusional personality disorder.

Kazuichi: You’re a loose cannon, Sonia. Sonia: No, I’m not. I’m a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me? Akane: I think you play by your own rules. Fuyuhiko: No way, they think rules were made to be broken. Kazuichi: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon. Sonia: No, I’m just a reckless renegade. Hajime is a loose cannon. Hajime: *smashes a chair* Aah! You shut your trap, Sonia! Fuyuhiko: I’d say Hajime’s more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That’s an entirely different thing. <br>Akane: Now I’m just confused. Is Sonia a loose cannon or not? Kazuichi: All right, put on a pot of coffee. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this. Sonia: *groans* Hajime: Aw, man.

Kazuichi: What's the worst thing you guys have done? Hajime: Rickrolled my teacher in 4th grade. Fuyuhiko: I kicked Akane in the shin- Akane: -So I kicked Fuyuhiko between the legs. Sonia: I burned a town down. Kazuichi: What?! Akane: What the hell is wrong with you?!? Sonia: A lot of things. Fuyuhiko: No shit.

Hajime: What’s something you guys are better than Akane at? Sonia: Mario Kart. Fuyuhiko: Yeah, video games. Kazuichi: Emotional vulnerability.

Sonia: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple... Akane: I really care about your feelings! Kazuichi: I really care about YOUR feelings! Sonia, turning their head: ...and then there's the disaster couple... Fuyuhiko: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL! Hajime: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

Fuyuhiko: Where's Hajime, Akane, and Sonia? Kazuichi: They're playing hide and seek. Fuyuhiko: Where? Kazuichi: I don't think you get how this game works.

Kazuichi: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like- Kazuichi, to Fuyuhiko: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual. Akane, to Sonia: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire. Hajime: There are two types of people.

Hajime: Who the fuck broke the toaster? Sonia: It was Akane. Kazuichi: It was Akane. Fuyuhiko: Akane broke it. Akane: Akane: ...yOU PROMISED-

*The gang's thoughts on stabbing* Kazuichi: Would never stab anyone. Akane: Would stab someone in retaliation. Sonia: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first. Hajime: Would stab without warning. Fuyuhiko: Would stab as a warning.

Akane: You know what? Akane: When I join this friend group I thought you guys would be dealing with my bullshit. *Sonia, Kazuichi and Hajime continue screaming about mold water* Akane: Not the other way around. Fuyuhiko: I dunno, sounds like you need to drink the mold water.

Sonia: Alright Kazuichi, Hajime. Let's go over this one more time. Sonia: If something breaks? Kazuichi: We try to fix it before Fuyuhiko gets home. Sonia: If it doesn't work? Hajime: We blame Akane. Akane: Seriously guys, what the hell?!

*Everyone is giving advice to Akane* Hajime: It's okay to ask for help. Sonia: You're not a burden. Kazuichi: Murder is okay. Fuyuhiko: Your feelings matter.

Sonia: What do you do when someone offers you drugs? Akane: Take them! Hajime: Punch them in the neck! Kazuichi: Say thank you! Fuyuhiko: Offer them more drugs to assert dominance! Sonia: … Sonia: No.

Hajime: Look guys, I need help. Kazuichi: Love help? Akane: Financial help? Sonia: Emotional help? Fuyuhiko: Help moving a body? *Everybody looks at Fuyuhiko* Fuyuhiko: What?

Fuyuhiko, about Sonia and Hajime: My god, would you two just get a room already? Hajime: Excuse me, Fuyuhiko? Fuyuhiko: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding? Sonia: ... Kazuichi: I ship it! Akane: CAN YOU NOT?

Sonia: Hey, can we stay in your dorm tonight? Fuyuhiko: Why? Sonia: Hajime fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours. Kazuichi: Akane doesn't know how to banish spirits, so they just throw salt at them and yell "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"

Sonia: How do you connect with a fictional character? Fuyuhiko: What? Kazuichi: What? Hajime: What? Akane: *pulls up a 500 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.

Hajime: You three, explain right now! Fuyuhiko: It was Kazuichi. Sonia: It was Kazuichi. Akane: It was Kazuichi. Kazuichi: Kazuichi: …fuck.

Hajime: Good night. Kazuichi: Sleep tight. Sonia: Don't let the bedbugs crawl up to your ear and whisper threatening things that make you question yourself. Akane: Great, now Kazuichi's crying.

Akane, setting down a card: Ace of spades. Hajime, pulling out an Uno card: +4. Fuyuhiko, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you! Kazuichi, trembling: What are we playing?!

Akane: Your smile? It makes my day. Sonia: Your happiness? I live for that. Hajime: A room? Get one. Kazuichi: Hotel? Trivago.

Akane, about a fight between Sonia and Fuyuhiko: It scares me how many knives were involved. Kazuichi: There… weren’t any knives involved though? Akane: That’s what scares me.

Akane: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE! Akane: *aggressively throws water bottles* Sonia: Uh... what's up with them? Kazuichi: They're trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us. Akane: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU! Hajime, crying: It's working.

Fuyuhiko: Where the devil is Akane? Sonia: Well, it is raining outside... Maybe they melted? Hajime: Shall I look outside for a pointy hat?

Akane: Today at 7 am, Hajime poured a Monster energy drink in their coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing. Sonia: I watched Hajime brew their coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think they ascended into the astral realm. Kazuichi: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.

Sonia: You need a hobby. Fuyuhiko: I have a hobby! Sonia:: Hitting Kazuichi isn't a hobby.

Hajime: Fuyuhiko noticed only today that they can label their email inboxes, but they took apart their entire bloody laptop two weeks ago. Akane: This reminds me of the Fuyuhiko who couldn’t turn on the coffee maker, but remembers about 500 digits of pi. Hajime: I’ll be delighted to inform you that this is the very same Fuyuhiko.

Kazuichi: Sonia’s gonna kill me. Fuyuhiko: No, they'll probably make me do it.

Kazuichi: Have you done this before? Fuyuhiko: Well, Kazuichi, it's like if you read the script you come better prepared. Sonia: That's not what we do in the US, we don't read things. Kazuichi: I don't read, Fuyuhiko.

Fuyuhiko: So, are you two friends? Sonia: Yes. Kazuichi: No.

Fuyuhiko: Why does Sonia always do the laundry so loudly? Akane: So everyone knows that no one helps them out in the house. Sonia, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

Akane: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box. Hajime: Did Kazuichi say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'? Akane: THE REASONS ARE PERSONAL–

Akane: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Hajime? Hajime: No. Kazuichi: I do! Akane: I know, Kazuichi. Kazuichi: I’m sad. Akane: I know, Kazuichi.

Hajime, to Akane: You're not Mario. Lets get something fucking straight, you're Luigi at best.

Hajime: Jesus Saves. Fuyuhiko: Passes to Moses, SCOOOOOORE!

Sonia: Just took a personality test and got an A+.

Hajime: I'm not funny, I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.

Kazuichi, slamming pots and pans together to the rhythm of "Give it to me, I'm worth it": I didn't get no sleep cause a' y'all! Y'all never gonna sleep cause a' me!

Fuyuhiko: I'm not superstitious... But I am a little stitious.

Akane: My life isn't as glamourous as my wanted poster makes it look.

[neurosky]

TW: talk of eating disorder (ARFID), mentions of getting sick, hospital mentions

it will always make me angry that ARFID isn't taken seriously. it's just as damaging and upsetting as other eating disorders, yet doctors seem to treat it like less.

I'm recovered now, but I will never forget how much ARFID affected my life.

I had to have lunch aids watch over me during lunch in elementary because my mom was worried. I remember feeling like I was going to pass out and being starving while in line for lunch, but the second I got my food, my appetite disappeared because of how terrified I was that it was going to make me sick.

I remember being in the hospital for ARFID-related stomach issues when I was 9 and repeatedly telling the doctors something was wrong, and being brushed off and sent home after a week. I was too weak and dizzy to walk the entire time, my heart rate was sky high, and my blood pressure was concerningly low. they had to practically force me to eat the hospital food because I was scared it was contaminated.

I remember being so afraid to even drink water because I was worried I would choke on it and it would make me sick. I ate ice instead, for almost a full year or two, until they gave me an IV in the hospital because of dehydration.

I remember sitting in front of my plate during dinner for 3 hours every night because I was afraid to eat my food.

I remember crying at my friend's house with a plate of French toast in front of me because the egg yolks were too yellow. I felt so bad about it.

I remember being in the hospital and having my blood pressure be so low that I couldn't stand up without passing out. the staff had to force me to eat crackers, and drink 3 cups of Gatorade a day. I still can't even look at grape Gatorade the same ever since.

when I was finally put into an eating disorder program after FIFTEEN YEARS of having ARFID, it was life changing. by that time, my entire life had revolved around food, and my fear that it would make me sick. I was extremely unwell, and something had clearly been wrong for a very long time, but no one did anything until that last hospital visit with the grape Gatorade. I'm so disappointed that it took that long to get any sort of treatment.

that eating disorder program saved my life, literally. after five months of treatment, my life had completely changed. I wasn't being controlled by fear and food anymore. I could try new things without breaking down.

ARFID is damaging. it affects every aspect of your life. it's not just "picky eating." it is just as valid as any other eating disorder.

it shouldn't take years to get treatment, and we shouldn't have to explain what our own eating disorder is to a medical professional.

[sincelastsession]

BTW I'll probably be ok the nonverbal shutdown doesn't last forever but it's really hard to communicate verbally when I'm overloaded.

My dad needs to have ptsd and cptsd explained and what it does to people and how crippling it gets plus my other diagnosis and that they are real and valid and I do actually need accommodation and to be met at least halfway. Like he's a control freak about me.

It SCARES me.

This session he scheduled is important though. I'm stubborn and I want to give him a chance. Probably one more chance too many but I'd like to be on good terms before he drops dead from health issues or his mental illnesses kill him.

I am worried I'll have a reactive abuse or snappy response to him. I'd like to work on that.

I feel he thinks I'm not holding myself accountable for my behaviors as a 37yrold adult.

I'm still treated and spoken to like a child.

He has no respect for me.

He absolutely will be fake with you like a salesman and watch him flip moods if you correct him even gently.

My Aunts told my mom he's been angry and reactive his whole life.

My dead psychiatrist who used to treat him said he was bipolar probably with a personality disorder and possibly would develop violent dementia and it makes me sad.

It's hard to help people that have beat you down and punished you for being autonomous. The micromanagement is insane.

He does cherry pick. I'd definitely not bring up the DSM book with him and how you treat symptoms. He think I'm schizophrenic or something and my diagnosis actually need to be validated in this instance because I need him to take me seriously when I put up boundaries and he tries to bulldoze them.

He's of the mindset that he deserves respect because he pays for things and is my elder.

I'm of the mindset that he's abused the fuck out of me and I've never gotten respect unless I was playing by his rules.

He does think I'm trying to control him in a paranoid way.

Please remind me to play you the audio or email the clips before sessions with mom and dad.

Off topic: Worried abt my partner, I feel my stress is kicking his ass. He told me I was fine. He had a question for me today and was all horny which I was not mad abt but I had to deal with crazy people

Anyway idfk what else to say.

I'm tired.

Maybe I'll write more after I smoke out for the pain I'll be in tomorrow from being tense as fuck.

I wish I could have my emotional support burger now. 🍔 I'll see it on Thursday before I meet with you.

Dunno if I should eat before dad session.

I mean I'm stressed out about it and I don't know if you're questioning if it's a good idea or not but if I don't have a session with him and don't figure out some way to communicate to where it's not abusive then nothing is going to really get better because he's still basically in control of my financial shit.

Also his apology was basically the best apology and narcissist could possibly give and it's not really even a true apology and I'm really bothered by it and I don't even know if an apology with words would fix anything.

The fact that he made a session with you and is showing up means something to me but I'm also so scared that it's going to go bad. I'll be bringing my extra anxiety med that day for after.

I am worried I'll disassociate during session to protect myself and keep myself from reacting to the lies.

I literally thought about finding the dog training clicker I have to bring and click to give you a signal that I may need to excuse myself to keep composure or just let you know if it's absolute bullshit.

You're in charge with the parents. I wouldn't know where to start if you left it up to me.

I don't want to not do the hard sessions and work.

Speaking of work I flat out told my mom I was about to say "fuck it" and do like onlyfans or something because there's a market for all body types and random fetishes. I could be a findom or sell my used underwear or whatever the fuck. There's tons of legit sites. I've gone back and forth about it. If I make enough money then I could just escape. I do wish I was more an ethical slut. I don't like the gross feels that my flesh prison gives me but other people are keen on it. Maybe I'd hate being stick in it less.

Lucy who is my ex roommate...her dad died. He was just like mine but an alcoholic. Dad acts like a dry drunk.

Lucy used to encourage me to do nude modeling like she did for painters because she thought the artists would appreciate my body so I could see it wasn't terrible in art form.

Because it's really weird I look at other people and their bodies and features mostly like I look at art I don't really often sexualize people As much as I guess you're normal average person

I mean yes of course I've passed by people and been like oh God damn they're fine but more in my head it's like oh God damn their fine is in their fine art

[bramblewatchescharmed]

s1e8 "Bug a Boo"

Thoughts after watching Charmed (2018) s1e8 "Bug a Boo":

For a show whose marketing was very pointed about Mel being a lesbian, it is, uh . . . Not a Good Look when it kills off a white gay man in an interracial relationship as the Victim of the Week.

It's also not a good look that all the cicada demons in this episode are played by Asian actors. Yes, there's a point to be made given the demons are running a dating app and one of them makes the comment on his date with Macy about Asian guys being statistically underrepresented and less likely to be chosen, but uh... that seems undercut with the reveal that he's, y'know, an insect demon.

Gods, the CGI for these bug demons makes them look absolutely disgusting and I am not here for it. Yeah the original had some questionable choices for demons and dodgy CGI, but Masselin was absolutely terrifying. Here, I'm just majorly grossed out.

Yeah, Parker and Maggie have been dating for five minutes so why is she talking about spending the summer with him?

Also, again, they've been dating for five minutes and he asks her for a plasma donation? (I know it's because she saw him shooting up and went with his cover story that it's a rare autoimmune disorder, which . . . I mean, yeah, you could say that, but ???).

Jada and Macy are the only likeable characters in this whole show, tbh. Jada's cool as fuck with her witchlighter powers.

Though it's kind of hard to take Jada seriously when she goes so very hard on the Mysterious Witchy Goth thing.

The Sarcana coven all in black, the Elder witches all in white . . . yeah, I'm saying it now: they're both very different types of cults, and Mel is a dumbass and manages to completely misunderstand both of them.

LMFAO at Mel walking into the Sarcana's lair and immediately being whacked upside the head with a wooden plank bc she walked in like a total noob. (She really is a dumbass, holy cow.)

I sorted at Galvin being hit by a car out of literally nowhere and that's how the episode ends.

Oh, for a rewrite of this whole season where the Veras have to figure shit out on their own and didn't go running to Harry and the Elders for every fucking little thing.

Though gods, as someone who is very gladly single, this episode makes me never want to use dating apps ever.

There is also way too much going on in this whole season thus far. I mean, you've got Mel still trying to figure out her mom's murder, the Elders vs the Sarcana, Fiona (Charity's sister), Maggie doing... whatever with her college campus and sorority, and Macy's subplots with Galvin and the university's genetics lab.

Actually, wait, I thought Macy worked for Hilltowne University as part of its genetics research lab? So why and how would a third-party company (Morningstar Biotech) move in and completely take over the lab? I don't remember if this was ever explained or not. (Yeah, the Vera-Vaughns vanquished the previous head of the lab/department, but still.)

"We all know you and Charity used to date," Mel tells Harry, except uh . . . outside of this episode it was never obvious that they used to be a couple, and the one time Harry/Charity do have a moment, it's when they're alone and the Vera-Vaughns are nowhere to be found. So how the hell does Mel know that Charity and Harry used to bang?

It's also never really made clear in this universe why witch/Whitelighter relationships are forbidden, but damn at Jada saying the Elders called her an abomination simply for being born.

Again, the Elders in this show are even worse than the Elder Whitelighters in the OG, and that is saying something, considering these Elders are all cis women / female witches.

I snickered at Hunter calling his and Parker's demonic dad "a three-thousand year old douche". This whole demon family is.... oooh boy, but at least Hunter sticks up for his younger brother.

"I'm still getting over my ex," Mel says while infiltrating the dating-app building on campus. Uh-huh, I'd have a better time believing that if she didn't literally only grieve for Niko for, like, five minutes.