#and you don't hate polyamory. and you don't hate ace people. and you don't hate queerplatonic relationships.

[crimeronan]

probably i SHOULDN'T migrate elsewhere if tumblr goes belly-up. i just scrolled thru my dash for 20 minutes and in that short span i could feel myself transform from a mildly tired 27-year-old butch into an active serial killer.

[edwin-paynes-bowtie]

My Case for Why Only Romantic Payneland Would Feel Truly Satisfying

Last night, I made a poll about whether people would be satisfied with QPR Payneland. I was curious where we stood on this as a fandom, and it's cool that it's about 50/50 between "either would be okay" and "I want them romantic."

Preface: I'm a monogamous biromantic asexual. If you were wondering. I have been in both a queerplatonic relationship (where I had a one-sided romantic crush on my QPP) and a few romantic relationships with both men and women.

Preface II: This post is not at all intended to be judgmental of any type of relationship. Poly people are awesome; aro/ace people in QPRs rock. This is specifically examining what is right for Charles and Edwin.

Preface III: I think that Edwin and Charles have definitely been in an unlabeled QPR since the beginning. They don't have the word for it, but it definitely is a QPR. They aren't romantically involved, but they make major decisions surrounding the other one and feel like they would wither up and die if they had to live in separate places.

This was great up until now, I think. A QPR is very valuable, very special, and very beautiful. It's meaningful and has served them wonderfully up until this point.

But it isn't sustainable for these specific characters.

The Need for Exclusivity in Both a QPR and a Romantic Relationship

I think that with no other external factors impacting my media needs, I would be okay with an exclusive QPR Payneland.

@tumblerislovetumblerislife astutely said:

I do not think that there is any world where they're suited for polyamory - this is honestly my biggest nope-out of fics and I deeply, deeply hate it for them.

This is because:

They already feel like a Pair Set to me that cannot be separated or infringed on by anyone else, and

In the end, it would never be fair to a romantic (or other platonic) partner because they would unplug anyone else's life support to charge the other's phone. No one else would ever be the priority over the other, and if they did, that would be OOC.

Even if they decided to date someone else now in the short-term, like Crystal or the Cat King, it's necessarily temporary. It's to Figure Things Out. There is an expiration date. And whether that's due to a romantic or a platonic bond between Edwin and Charles, their bond being stronger than any other is the reason for that expiration date.

So polyamory feels extremely disingenuous to their characters to me and is imo extremely OOC.

Authenticity to the Story

Edwin is currently, in the explicit canon, essentially Charles's QPP who has a one-sided crush on him. That is the explicit canon. It's not a fun place to be, no matter how much your QPP loves you - I have Been There.

Edwin is not unhappy or dissatisfied with the current situation, and he knows Charles loves him. But it still is kind of a sucky place to sit.

Luckily, the love does not actually feel one-sided! Charles reads as a character that has always been romantically in love with Edwin, probably long before Edwin fell romantically in love with Charles, but he neither has the self-awareness nor the words to describe it.

Charles touching his heart at the end of episode 8 makes it clear that he is beginning to have his Big Epiphany. I wish the show wasn't canceled because, uh, I want it.

This obvious two-sided romantic love makes a future QPR feel inauthentic to me. I think both characters would feel like it was the wrong shape for the relationship after they both had their epiphanies.

Other Media Considerations

I understand that a lot of people, it's important to have an explicitly-labeled QPR in a show. I do not disagree with this! I think we need WAY more QPRs in media that are explicitly labeled as such and treated as valid. I just don't think that it's right for Charles and Edwin.

I've explained why this is true from a character perspective; but let me also talk about how relationships like theirs are treated.

I'm personally sick of the "bond-beyond-bonds relationship that remains purely platonic." We saw it with Destiel onscreen because of the rancid queerbaiting in Supernatural; we saw it in Johnlock as a direct result of similar, albeit less magnified, queerbaiting.

This is, to me, the exact type of relationship that a QPR between Edwin and Charles would be.

It would be different. I know this. There is no world where DBDA is queerbaiting us; we have a gay MC and tons of queer side characters.

But to me, platonic Payneland being endgame would still feel like a betrayal because that endgame would feel like something adjacent to the endings of other shows that have queerbaited in the past. I feel like a huge appeal of DBDA is that it's beginning to right those wrongs and heal those wounds, and I firmly believe that's one intention of the show. It would feel unkind to the bulk of viewers for them not to end up together.

I think that the show ultimately was going to make them romantic endgame. It just didn't have the time to before getting the axe, which SUCKS.

So yeah. These are my personal thoughts. I hope I've articulated some of the things that a lot of you think.

[mirrorcatcreditcard]

Why won't my brain leave me alo-

Y'ALL I'M FINALLY WRITING THAT ALIEN STAGE HISTORICAL AU AND MY FUCKING GOD THIS IS GOING *DEEP* AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE EMOTIONS WELLING UP INSIDE OF ME THAT I CAN'T EXPRESS BECAUSE AHDLSBSKSBSK

I have everything I could ask for in a fic and more because I do what I want.

MiziTill dated as teenagers but they're now friendly exes.

Sua killed her fiance.

HyunLuka is in the fucking trenches but they're so perfect for each other I want to bash my head into a wall

IvanLuka is thriving in toxic yaoi as they play this fucked up dance of bargaining information and making out.

Ivan and Mizi are best friends in a contract marriage and pretty much have weekly sleepovers where they make crafts and rant about their crushes/relationships.

Till wasn't even assigned a gender at birth and is nonbinary.

Dewey bombs the clock tower at the capitol because he misread the mission before eating the paper.

The entire cast is queer; ¾ of the cast is trans (or maybe all the cast idk); ¼ of the cast is intersex (Sua, Luka, & Acorn [yes, Acorn is important]).

The fucking plot relies on discussion of aphobia and aroace erasure due to the empire's religion. (The entire main cast is under the aro-spec, ace-spec, or aroace-spec umbrella.)

Hyun Woo is alive and frequently swaps out jobs with his sister because they're near identical with enough make-up. Yes, they're spies.

Hyun-A is a revolutionary leader.

Multishippers, in case you're worried, polyamory/polygamy is encouraged. We have room for everyone.

You guys are going to love to hate the emperor.

Multiple different culture references because I'm afraid of just using one country and doing something wrong and pissing people off so all the countries are fictional

I'M GOING TO CRY ALL I WANT TO DO IS WRITE BUT I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS AND I'M WILLING TO MAKE ANYTHING OR DO REQUESTS BUT AKDVSKDBSKSB

I don't care who. Please go in my inbox and ask for something about this AU so I can center my tasks. Please, I'm begging y'all moots and strangers and followers alike 🙏 y'all can just ask for ship content if you want I'll feed you, prommy

(I'm supposed to tag someone but I forgot their user sksksks lemme go find it and add it)

[aroaceenjolras]

Figured I'd ask my followers because I'm stuck. Do y'all know any polyaffectionate-friendly or aro/ace centric polyamory discords that would be actually chill about my form of polyaffection — namely relationship anarchy with kitchen table elements, exclusively nonsexual/nonromantic, with a dash of Trusted Companionship (incredibly gentle power exchange that not only isn't BDSM but was conceptualized directly in response to negative experiences with BDSM)

I just joined a poly discord that was advertised in an ace-centric nonmonogamy facebook group that's shutting down because everyone hates facebook and MY GODS is it allo as fuck. The owners of this place clearly just found out what asexuality is, do not know what aromanticism is, and are unprepared to accommodate either. I was told "we added a please don't flirt with me role because we want to protect you from lechery" and just. what ?? Stop

also the last aro/ace specific poly server I joined was insufferable in the opposite direction (run by a group of very bitter and resentful self-described "evil aros" who obviously hated all human connection outside of casual sleeping around, and was NOT a safe place to discuss being polyaffectionate)

I'm getting the feeling I'm the kind of poly person who just can't stand other poly people

[ikeepforgettimypassword]

I love you people who hate labels

I love you people who use 20+ labels

I love you enbys who use he/him or she/her pronouns

I love you enbys who use neo pronouns

I love you trans people who dress as their gender

I love you trans people who dress in literally any style

I love you aro ace people who hate sex and romance

I love you aro ace people who still get in relationships and have sex

I love you bisexuals/pansexuals who are married to the opposite gender and are starting families

I love you bisexuals/pansexuals who are polyamory and want to date whoever they want

I love you people who are attracted to one gender

I love you people who are attracted to nonbinary people

I love you trans people who change nothing about themselves other than figuring out their trans

I love you trans people who start hrt, voice training, and get gender Affirming surgeries

I love you trans/enbys who identify as therian

I love you trans/enbys who want to be robots

I love you mentally disabled LGBT people

I love you physically disabled LGBT people

I love you intersex people who identify as one gender

I love you intersex people who consider themselves trans

I love you intersex people who don't want to be classified as trans

I love you all

I love you all so much

[moonsandloons]

Pride month is officially over everyone, and I just wanted to say...

YOU'RE STILL AWESOME! And you still deserve to be proud and loved and honored even if it isn't pride month anymore.

There's A LOT under the cut, be warned.

All you gay guys out there are AMAZING! I hope you're doing okay. I hope you're having fun. I hope life is well. Don't ever let anyone make fun of you for being gay, don't be ashamed, OWN IT! You're amazing and you should be proud.

Lesbians, that goes for you too! I how your doing woman loving WODERFULLY! You're so cool. Doesn't matter what kind of lesbian you are, femme, masc, non-binary, you're all valid and awesome!

Bisexuals, you exist and you're cool as hell. I hope you're doing good. Don't ever feel like you have to pick a side or you're just confused, I know there's been a lot of biphobia going around even within the queer community but don't let it get to you! You're valid! And we love you <3

Pansexuals, I hope you're doing PANTASITIC (I hate myself). I hope everything is going good and I hope you all have had a wonderful pride. You're all super cool and I'm so sorry for the amount of frying pan jokes you've probably heard over the past month.

Omnisexual, you too! Just the word omnisexual sounds cool as hell. I hope you've been okay, I know omnisexuals and pansexuals get confused for each other quite a bit, but you're unique and you're valid, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Asexuals, hi! I hope you're doing well. Be proud, don't let the aphobia get to you! Because you are ALL valid. This one is for everyone on the ace spectrum. You're sex-repulsed? VALID! I hope you're doing well. You're sex neutral? Cool! You're awesome. You have sex regularly and enjoy it? Awesome! You can still be a valid asexual, don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. You're demisexual, graysexual, or another sexuality on the ace spectrum? That's wonderful! I love you all.

Aromantic people, no matter what part of the spectrum you're on, you're valid too! Even if you're in a romantic relationship, you're still valid! It's a spectrum for a reason. I hope you're all doing amazing, no matter what.

Non-Binary folks, hello! I hope you're doing well and you've had lots of good luck. I know, at least where i live, it can be difficult to find places that affirm your identity. There are barely any gender neutral bathrooms, most job resumes/surveys only add male and female options, people assume gender ALL THE TIME. It sucks. But I hope you've been staying strong despite all that, and I hope the world can get better. Remember you're all valid! Even if you don't "look non-binary", even if you choose to dress traditionally masculine or feminine, even if you use neopronouns or pronouns other than they/them, even if you don't have an androgynous name, you're all still non-binary, be proud!

Trans boys, we love you. You're awesome, you're strong, you're amazing, and I hope everything's alright! Never let anyone tell you how you have to present. If you don't wanna bind your chest, you don't have to. If you can't afford medicine or surgeries, that's okay. If you still wanna dress femininely, you can! You're a real man and the queer community wouldn't be the same without you.

Trans girls, the same to you! You don't have to present super femininely if you don't wanna, you're a real woman no matter what. I hope you're staying safe. I know trans women are often a scapegoat (aka. "Trans women will assault 'real women' in restrooms!"), but we know the truth. You're awesome, and please stay safe out there <3

Polyamorous people, I see you! I might be one of you but idk yet I'm still figuring stuff out- ANYWAYS! You are real. You don't have to choose one person, I promise. I grew up with parents that were really against polyamory for some reason, and I just don't get it. You can love multiple people, you are valid, and I hope you can find a partner/partners who accept you and love you for who you are.

Unlabeled people, happy pride! Be proud of yourself, you're super cool. You don't have to be anything, you can just be you. You belong here, and the queer community accepts you and loves you for who you are.

OKAY. That was a lot, but we still have more to go! I'm not gonna say as much about the next ones for the sake of my own sanity, I've already been writing this for a while. So, LIGHTNING ROUND!

Genderfluid people, I love you. You're awesome and I see you, don't let anybody tell you you've gotta pick a side.

Demi boys/Demi girls, HI! I remember you, and I love you. I hope you had a good pride month!

Agender people, hell yeah for you!

Intersex people, don't think I'd forget you! You're part of pride too and anyone who says otherwise is dumb. You're awesome.

Abrosexual and abromantic people, you're wonderful <3

Polysexual people, you're cool!

Trixic and toric people y'all are awesome!

Enbian people, you're amazing and also your flag is really goddamn cool, I don't see enough people bringing up the enbian flag istg-

Uranic people, you're marvelous.

Neptunic people I'M ONE OF YOU, I SEE YOU! HI! HELLO! If there are any other neptunic people here hi omg I've never met another one-

ANYWAYs. That was a lot. There were a lot of orientations I didn't mention, but there are so many ways to describe your unique sexual orientation, and you can express gender in so many different ways, and my hands really hurt. So if I didn't mention you, I'm sorry, but it doesn't mean you aren't valid or that i forgot you!

I love all of you. Just because pride month is over doesn't mean you're forgotten or loved any less. I hope you all have a wonderful, WONDERFUL rest of your year, and I wish you all good luck <3

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Maybe this is silly but it's kinda been hitting me trying to date again on the arospec that I. Hate going on the first date or two and knowing so much that they like me way more than I like them. That I'll explain what I do not like in a relationship, and they'll say they don't mind, but I know deep down they're gonna say that so I don't leave but they really do hope they can change my mind or they're gonna be the magic someone that I Do enjoy kissing and full blown snuggling with. I do enjoy a few aspects of "romance", however a lot of the traditional appeal (kissing, cuddling, etc.) Is... very much lost on me. I don't even mind small kisses in passing, but making out is a fucking nightmare that everyone but a handful of people like me seem to think is the holy grail of life. It just sucks, I don't get it at all. I only recently came to terms with being on the aro spectrum. Does anyone have any advice for this kind of thing? Or tbh, AITA for trying to date when i know there's a solid chance I may be setting someone up for heartbreak?

Im sorry is this is a lot, just sort of confused and concerned, yknow?

You're not the asshole, you're being clear and honest about what you're looking for and the people you've tried to date aren't listening. There's this pervasive messaging in a lot of fictional romance story-lines that if a person is non-normative in some way they're actually not and just need to meet the Right Person TM*. (very often being ace or aro spectrum ways, but you also see it with other kinds of unconventional relationships, polyamory, not wanting kids, a woman who wants to focus on her career, etc, etc.), and some people seem to really internalize this messaging.

Not everyone is like that, and a lot of people will take you at your word when you explain what you're actually interested in/looking for or not, but it can be demoralizing when you run into this multiple times in a row.

My advice would be to do your best to be clear, and be firm, and hope you're getting through to the other person. Don't feel like you're nagging if you have to have this conversation more than once, some people need a bit of time for this kind of thing to sink in.

One thing you might want to consider or look into is QPRs (also called queerplatonic relationships, quirkyplatonic relationships or quasiplatonic relationships), a QPR can be any relationship that doesn't fit into a typical friendship or romance, (so a relationship with some romance, but not a full romantic relationship could be classified as a QPR), and QPRs are all about tailoring the relationship to the people in them, so you can pick and choose what you want to do or not do. People you're interested in having a relationship with may have an easier time getting their head around the idea of a relationship where you're interested in some things but not other things when framed this way.

I'll throw this out to followers too, has anyone else dealt with similar issues who have their own advice or experiences they want to share? Please do!

All the best and good luck, Anon!

[chernobylcatfish09]

Ahhhh, just putting ALL my question, what the heck.

What is TV girl?

What is Aromantic? What is Asexual?

I heard I'm allowed to date more than one person at a time(as long as everyone consents). Sounds cool, still slightly confused tho, if you can/want to explain, would be grateful.

What's your favorite color?

Do you want to be famous? Why?

Bean Bag or Hammock? Explain.

What do you usually answer when people ask how you are?

Do people actually LIKE making eye contact? I hate it, (idk why) but my mom says it's NORMAL to enjoy staring at others eyes? Why?

Do you believe in luck?

How many blankets do you sleep with? Do you like ta snuggle?

What are some band/artists you like?

Anyways...You don't have to answer all of these, but you said you were bored, and I am inquisitive. :}

1. Tv girl is a music artist/band who have made songs like Not allowed, it almost worked, Lovers rock, and Cigarettes out the window. The most popular album released is Pink and blue, so it is usually referenced when people see pink and blue together after tv girl got popular on TikTok

2. There is kind of 2 per the terms, but to make it easier I’ll say aromantic and aromantic spectrum. A person who is aromantic experiences no romantic attraction to others, and a person on the aromantic spectrum experiences little to no attraction/ A person who is asexual experiences no sexual attraction to others, and a person on the asexual spectrum experiences little to no sexual attraction. Aroace is the combo of those 2, and I’ll knock out some micro labels while I’m at it. Demi-ace means someone only experiences sexual attraction after forming an emotional bond, Demi-aro is the aromantic counterpart, Grey-ace means someone rarely, but sometimes experience sexual attraction, Grey-aro is the aromantic counterpart

3. I don’t have any experience (I haven’t dated or been in a queer platonic relationship rip) but the term is Polyamory, and if everyone agrees and consents, then it’s an actually polyamory relationship. I’m not the best at explaining this, I don’t think I would have multiple partners myself, but I would let my partner. The difference between cheating and polyamory is cheating occurs when not everyone is aware, or not everyone agrees to it. I would say definitely do more research on polyamory (I need to as well)

4. It’s hard to say, I’d say either a dark teal that i can’t find the name for, or skobeloff

5. I don’t think I could handle the entire world knowing me, like a major celebrity. I might be able to handle being a micro celebrity, but I’m unsure. It’s a lot of pressure to be perfect and look a certain way in the major spotlight, and I know I would crack under the pressure

6. I prefer swinging, so hammocks

7. I usually just say ‘it’s going’, bc that’s the best way I can describe it

8. I can’t stand eye contact personally, like I can make eye contact, but I get extremely nervous and sometimes laugh out of fear, even with people I love and care about

9. I would say yes, I haven’t put much thought into it, and it may be more probabilities, but I’d say yea

10. I usually sleep with a big ol comforter that has a duvet on it (it’s an ocean with sharks design I love it), and that thing is great at keeping me warm. I do have another blanket but that’s for my cats more so

11. Mitski, Tv girl, Ghost (n pals), Jack stauber, Machine girl, inabakumori (I have a lot more I don’t want to list, I should have a music rec list that’s really long, that should explain it more)

I do actually enjoy answering things it’s fun ✨

[writing-cins]

Request rules

This list only applies to stories. I don't take any art requests at the moment. If I ever decide to open art requests there will be a different set of rules!

*****

Check my pinned post for current request status!

*****

Basic information:

❥ All of my works (so far) are x reader and I probably won't write stories featuring any OCs that aren't my own. If any of my stories ever feature one (or more) of my OCs I'll state it on top of the description.

❥ All of my stories are written in second person unless stated otherwise.

❥ I prefer to write female or gender neutral reader.

❥ Requests might take some time to write (self-care is very important for me! Also i have ADHD).

❥ I do write song-fics but I won't take any requests because my music taste is different from the average person and I’m not familiar with most trending songs (further information below).

❥ I might post NSFW content but won’t take any NSFW requests.

{Masterlist}

List of Fandoms/Characters I'll write for:

❥ Arcane

Silco

❥ Hazbin Hotel

Alastor

❥ Star Wars

Obi-Wan Kenobi

*****

There are specific rules that determine what I will accept or decline a request!

First off: I WILL write everything that’s not explicitly mentioned on the list! This means if I say “I won’t write about cheating if the reader/character are cheating on each other” this only applies to this one specific scenario and does not apply to other characters cheating on them (f.e. other lovers, ex-lovers, etc.)

*****

What I WON'T write:

ABORTION

ABUSE - if…

…the character is the one harming the reader on purpose

…if the reader is harming the character on purpose

…children are victims

CHEATING - if…

…the character is cheating on the reader

…the reader is cheating on the character

DARK ROMANCE - Yandere, possessive/controlling relationships, stalking, etc. (basically anything toxic being romanticized)

DUB-CON/NON-CON - if…

…the character is doint it to the reader

…the reader is doing it to the character

…graphic depictions of dub-con/non-con/assault

GORE/BODY HORROR - I don't mind writing blood or violence but I won't write anything too graphic.

HATE/DISCRIMINATION - I don't support any kind of hate or discrimination and never will. My blog is a safe space for all kinds of people in this world. However, there are a few exceptions such as discrimination in a historical context or as a character’s background that shaped their personality.

INCEST

MAIN CHARACTER DEATH - My only exception is the Hellaverse because in this case the characters will have an afterlife/meet again in the afterlife

OMEGAVERSE

POLYAMORY

SELF-HARM - if…

…you wish for graphic depictions. Mentions of self-harm are accepted

SMUT - I might post smut but I won’t take any requests because I’m on the ace spec and very particular about what repulses me and what does not. BUT I will take requests for spicy and suggestive content as long it’s not explicit.

SONG-FICS - I really like to write song fica but i won’t take requests since I have a special music taste and neither know nor like most trending songs.

STALKING

SUICIDE - if…

…the character is the one committing

…the reader is the one committing

…you wish for graphic depictions

YANDERE - and other toxic/controlling/possessive relationships between the character and the reader

What I WILL write:

ANGST

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE (AU)

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - but only up to a certain point (please consider the rules above. I won't write detailed gore and body horror)

BREAK-UPS

CHARACTER DEATH - minor characters only

DARK THEMES/SCENARIOS

FAKE RELATIONSHIPS

FLUFF

FORBIDDEN RELATIONSHIPS

FRIENDSHIPS

HEADCANONS

LABOR - if it’s not graphic

LOVE TRIANGLES

PARENTAL RELATIONSHIPS

PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS

PREGNANCY

SPICY/SUGGESTIVE CONTENT - as long as it's not graphic/smutty

ANYTHING ELSE THAT ISN'T MENTIONED ABOVE - of course there might still be some topics/themes I won't write about that aren't on the list yet. In this case the rule sheet will be updated!

*****

I’m not triggered easily but I may decline a request if I don't feel comfortable with it. In this case I will inform you through DM’s (if your request is public. If it’s set on private I’ll have to post my response to let you know).

In case I do decline a request, please don't take it personal! I still have to explore my writing preferences and boundaries and it might be the case you requested something that’s not part of the list yet (In that case i probably haven’t thought about it yet).

If you’re unsure whether i would accept a request or not, don’t hesitate to ask—I won’t bite!!!

[redheadbigshoes]

honestly im an aro lesbian and i tend to say (though i waver between this and going yeah everyone is - im ultimately undecided) aro heterosexual and ace heteroromantic cis people are apart of the community if they connect with that, because there is no denying that many aromantic heterosexual cishet men have never experienced an identifying queer experience that would have them connecting with other LGBT+ in any way, and many cishet aro men wont even realise they're aro in the first place because of the societal structure around sex for men (casual, flings, fwb, high body count, bachelor lifestyle, being emotionally/romantically detached from partners) all being in their favor while for aromantic straight women they're shamed for those things and are expected to settle down, love and care for their partners, be a homemaker and be a perfect wife not to sleep around as a single woman. they don't have to think about their lack of attraction to women and identify it because societally this is expected of them and gets them a pat on the back from other men u know what i mean? a man like that who is benefiting from modern patriarchal standards of what sex should be for a man and how it shouldn't be for a woman has literally nothing in common with a queer aroallo imo.

idk i know u aren't aro or ace but you often talk about men being men and misogyny + patriarchy so id love to hear your thoughts about this from that perspective even if its disagreeing with me in places because i don't think this is something people often talk about or think about when it comes to aromantic - specifically - straight cis men. asexual cishet men have a vastly differing experience because of the same structure which can cause more distress and pressure to perform. but cishet aro men can fly under the radar in their "queerness" in comparison.

it sort of reminds me (and i am also polyamorous) the idea of "polyamory being inherently queer" where-in a polyam cishet allo man has two gfs who are dating each other, has never interacted with the community aside from his bisexual gfs dating each other in his vicinity, would be considered lgbtq+ based off that statement when he quite literally could just turn around and immediately hate crime or fetishize us (which is super common with these types of guys)

i feel sometimes blanket statements being thrown like a net to cover the most ground in inclusivity can lack nuance in discussion

No but you brought up very interesting points that I hadn’t thought of. I agree with everything you said, in this case it depends on what the person feels more connected to. Not only because it’s not really my place to have an opinion about it since I’m not ace or aro, but also because of the points you brought up.

Though I see some similar things when comparing being cishet and aro or ace with polyamorous, I don’t think they’re necessarily the same (in terms of comparing) because one is about attraction while the other is a choice, you know? But I definitely get it it’s not something simple to discuss.

[hellyeahsickaf]

Why does your DNI include people being discriminatory towards people of Jewish and Muslim faiths but not towards Buddhists, Christians, Hindus, and other religions? Are you virtue signaling for whatever is popular or do you have a good reason for it?

"Whatever is popular" is it trendy to not be okay with those things? Or is the implication that not supporting a genocide is a trend? Because you're sort of beating around the bush but it would seem that this has something to do with my stance on Israel's massacre of Palestinians. Did Malcolm X or The Black Panthers support Palestine for clout? Because you and I both know why Islam and Judaism. Discrimination against those two are rampant right now in particular, but I'd block someone who was discriminatory in general. Why the fuck wouldn't I? The only anti Buddhism I've seen here is appropriation via "tulpa systems" so that's on my DNI too. I'm also not going to list every single thing I'm not cool with.

I also can't remember the last time I heard someone say "fuck Hindus!" or some shit. I've literally never seen it here but if I did it's fair to assume I wouldn't be cool with that. Do I have to include every faith to appease you? Also you using the term virtue signaling unironically is cringe. You're cringe

Who the fuck sees "Don't be antisemitic or Islamophobic" and gets mad?? What kind of "good reason" would I need as justification for feeling that way? Like why aren't you mad I said don't be anti polyamory but didn't say anything about people who are anti monogamy? I've seen people like that. That I mentioned different forms of discrimination but not anti blackness? That I said don't be discriminatory against aros/aces but not gay people? No but me not liking discrimination against two particular marginalized religious groups that I've seen discrimination against and that there is an increase in hate crimes against, now that really rustles your jimmies.

I don't think you're saying this out of genuine care about the groups I didn't mention. So instead of pretending to be mad on their behalf maybe gargle my dick and balls?

[nan0angstrom]

i hate you polyamory i hate you loveless marriages i hate you swinger relationships i hate you "aro/ace" people who still pursue romantic relationships i hate you sex with no feelings i hate you hook-up culture i hate you online dating sites i hate you christians who only marry for sex and not love i hate you cheaters i hate you men who hurt their girlfriends I HATE YOU MEN WHO DON'T LOVE YOUR PARTNER!!

[nighttimebuzz]

I went to give someone, criticism for their poly mod (For stardew, mind you), as I am polyamorous and how I only wanted a poly mod to date my Irl partner and a npc, the mod creator added a NPC that made no sense, in the context of how it's meant to replace free love, and be a better version. I did not want a Poly mod + new NPC. Won't state who I gave this criticism too, especially the mod creator, as I don't want to fuel any fires, but all of a sudden the mod creator guilt trips me, misunderstands my criticism for being just hateful, when all I did was give this person polite criticism, and this guy simp comes along and starts berating me as if I don't understand how polyamory works, and proceeds to mansplain to me how it works, as if he's ever BEEN in a polyamory relationship. news flash, I am in a polyamory relationship. I know how it functions because I am literally a lesbian. :| afterwards multiple people came to defend me, but honestly I didn't wanna bother getting notified that some horny men liked the skimpy character and that I was threatening their masculinity that I just deleted my comment. (what I mean by this, is; I just.. made my comment blank, I am not dealing with childish remarks on a farming game :|) I fucking hate nexusmods because of this. and now I understand why they got into hot waters for many years. I love the stardew valley community, but the amount of horny ass and uncomfortably weird people that step over boundaries is just.. disgusting. especially in the nexusmod space. they treat it as if, everyone wants to be sexual and LGBT+ means sex for hours, when there are literal ACE players who want mods that just allow them to date the people they like, minus sex. Most of the people that got that poly mod, were ace. they didn't want a oversexualized woman to talk to them. they just wanted to date Abigail from Stardew AND Sebastian. and have a good time. instead this NPC implies they fucked Abigail, when Abigail's vanilla cutscenes WITH a woman player mind you, suggests she's never had sex at all, (You don't need to state that anyway), nor had a crush on a woman before, until you came along. So this NPC makes no sense and it's just stepping over a boundary, but I guess that'll hurt someone's feelings?, that not everyone on planet earth is horny???, people are weird, I tell you. Yes, you don't have to install something that oversteps your boundary, but if you JUST wanted to date three people, why should I feel ashamed for calling out the randomly added sexual stuff, that I didn't sign up for?, especially when the mod wasn't overstepping a boundary until they decided; "Let's add my oversexualized OC!!!"

[polyamzeal]

I'm sorry you have to deal with all that shit. You deserve to be able to celebrate yourself without getting sliced up by internet randos. And yeah, poly belongs in pride month, it's something worth celebrating and taking pride in.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words.

I want to take this ask/post as a moment to update on my emotional outburst the other night (found HERE and some follow-up if you missed it). Mostly that I have been blown away by the amount of positivity people responded with! I have grown so used to people wanting to fiercely argue with me and accuse me of shit that I was feeling isolated and like nobody was on my side. I was shocked to be reminded of how many other people have went through the same. Lots of people also said that telling people they were gay/bi or trans was easy but it is hard to tell people that they are non-monogamous and not get hated for it. Again, not everybody's experience but certainly true for more than even I realized. It was so validating.

There was 1 hashtag on one of the reblogs that really stood out to me, "#polyphobia". I talk to death about homophobia and transphobia, even biphobia. But I have never really uttered that word. And it was so refreshing to just label it that. Polyamory still gets so erased that even the word for hating it felt victim to erasure. As if, "How could polyphobia exist when polyamory isn't a real or serious thing that deserves to be protected." I was reminded of all the other phobias that Pride has delt with. The biggest is of course Transphobia. Gays and lesbians were great but transpeople were wrong, despite being so important to the history of pride. Let's not forget how often gay and straight people have come together for biphobia to hate the greedy people that just can't pick a side. But I think the one that resonates most for me is questioning whether or not asexuality belongs at Pride. I am far from asexual myself but I have a lot of friends that are and hearing their accounts of being mistreated by people all over the spectrum really just struck a chord in my heart. All of these cases of people who were not welcomed at Pride at one point but now are mostly welcomed. And now the newest enemy to isolate and say they don't belong at pride is polyamorous people. They aren't queer enough. It might let in cis-het people which would be so awful~. I can only hope in time we look back at this and won't be able to remember a time when polyamorous people were pushed out of Pride just as we are already forgetting that bi, trans, and ace people were too.

I have also come to the conclusion that some Polyamory Facebook groups are just filled with outright mean people. Toneless online conversation with some level of anonymity will always lead to people being less compassionate and empathetic. Other night I joined a local "Polyamory Discussion" Zoom meetup and it was just so nice to see the faces of polyamorous strangers and hear a bit about what was going on with them. They felt so much more like 'real people' than the angry people online that won't listen to you as they rant at you on auto-pilot. Seeing Tumblr being a much more supportive community has also really helped to reconnect my tethers to this community that I love so much. Thank you.

[miqojak]

Combo of short answer to what is Jak's identity?

and

Is her environment supportive about her identity? How does this impact her?

Pride OC Asks

A tough one! I spent a long time looking for the right term(s) for her, actually (which was great for educating myself on other identities OOC!). She was quite sex-repulsed, and didn't/doesn't like to be touched (except by one specific person, and that's after a lot of effort on his part to make her feel safe). I kept hovering around the pseudo-ace spectrum... but her repulsion was out of trauma, not a genuine lack of desire? Though she remains kind of put off by the idea that so many people can and do just have sex with almost anyone - it's mind-boggling to her... people will be at their literal most vulnerable around a stranger just to... mate??

It's so hard to put any one specific term on it, though - she approached relationships through the lens she grew up with, in a tribe, so traditional marriage is confounding, and she sort of sees polyamory as the default (for herself, at least - though she is in a monogamous relationship at present bc her partner is not poly).

As for the types of people she can be attracted to? Gender isn't a big deal - she's just never met a female/non-male OC who could meet her high standards for what she seeks in a lover! But that leaves me holding a handful of terms like Sapiosexual, Demisexual, Bisexual, and potentially Grey Romantic. (The things that would be 'romantic' to her aren't often things others would find romantic, and traditional romantic gestures are... well, kind of gross and performative to her - based in societal expectations and not actual, genuine affection - like giving flowers/chocolates, etc). She's attracted to someone who can challenge her - but also someone who won't judge the broken person she is, so much as always help her to reach for higher heights, and constant self-betterment. Intelligence is important... but so is understanding her, and how her mind works - she's very different from normal people, and knows it - and what's the point of letting someone in, if they just judge and criticize who you are? She would almost prefer that her partner have achieved more than her, as well - maybe even be stronger/smarter, the better to challenge her - and not necessarily book smart, so much as clever in the ways of the world, in practical/useful ways. (Plus there's her god complex that says she will not be with someone not 'worthy' of her/beneath her... this could encompass a lot of things, lmao! But getting to be intimate with her is a gift! Not just anyone gets that.) Honestly pansexual may even be better than bi as a term? I inevitably use them interchangeably for myself, lol. Gender is irrelevant - if you're a simpleton and a fool (or an optimist /cough), she wants none of it.

As for her environment? There's no homophobia on Hydaelyn! Be queer as fuck!! Hooray!! Other than that, her polyamory has been the sticking point for the men who have been in her life - in the end I think they just hated the other guys she was with, and then one of them cheated on her and tried to claim he was suddenly poly (yuck), and in the end the last lover left was the fellow she would do anything not to lose, and was absolutely fine with him wanting her not to be in other relationships... all it took was a simple conversation to express that he didn't like it! Amazing what trouble you can save by talking to your partner about what bothers you, and talking through it before hurt happens!

I don't think she would ever feel ashamed of these facets of herself though - the ways in which she hates herself and feels monstrous at least have nothing to do with her sexuality/gender identity. But if you tried to talk gender identity with her, she'd mostly be confused about it all... just tell her your pronouns, so she can insult you properly... she doesn't need to understand why they're different: she detests all people equally!

[unlikelyjedi]

Star Wars Movie Pride Headcanons

Obviously I can't do all the characters in Star Wars (movies or otherwise) so today I'll start with just the movie characters I find important or just fun!

Of course, these are just my opinions and it's totally cool if you have different ideas. Art is subjective and there are plenty of ways to engage with said art. This is just for my personal fun.

Luke Skywalker (he/him): Bisexual

I know people like Gay!Luke and that's totally fine, but... I just think of Legends!Luke and his wonderful wife Mara Jade, and I think Luke Skywalker is a man who can appreciate both Mara Jade and Ezra Bridger! Would be open to polyamory if it was like a throuple situation and everybody loved everybody.

Leia Organa (she/her): Bisexual

Now, I know the Leia book says she only likes humanoid males, but as someone who had a crush on both twins growing up, this headcanon is for me personally.

Han Solo (he/him): Bisexual

Okay, so most of these are going to be bisexual because I'm a stupid bisexual and I said so. Han Solo would flirt with anyone in the galaxy, including but not limited to Qi'ra, Lando Calrissian, Leia Organa, and Luke Skywalker.

Chewbacca (he/him): Ally (?)

Idk, tbh. He's got a wife and kid, and I think he thinks gay people are neat.

C-3PO and R2D2: Queer-platonic

They're droids and even though I do think droids can develop attraction like bio-species, I don't think these droids feel any attraction. Doesn't mean they don't have chemistry with each other though.

Lando Calrissian (he/they): Pansexual

He fucks. Everybody. I think Lando would be hand-wavy about gender. Most people use he/him with Lando, but they also enjoy they/them pronouns. Totally chill with polyamory.

Obi-Wan Kenobi (he/him): Graysexual

I really don't think this man knew he could have attraction until he met Satine Kryze. He just didn't think about it. It's not important. He probably scoffed at people who had issues following the Jedi Code. "What, like it's hard??"

Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader (he/him): Hetero-flexible

My man loves his wife (to quite an extreme degree actually). He's pretty sure he's straight? He's never thought of anybody but Padmé so it's not like he's really explored more. He wouldn't be opposed to dating men or other genders, though.

Wilhuff Tarkin (he/him): mlm

The only reason I'm including him on my list is because it's actually canon. He likes men. That's all I know on that front. I just had to include it because I was flabbergasted.

Yoda (he/him): Aro/Ace

All Yoda knows is talk funny, eat hot chip, and lie. (but actually he's a very wise master and mentor who loves his students and loves pulling a prank or two).

Padmé Naberrie/Amidala (she/her): Ally

Padmé loves her friends and family. She'd defend them with her life. I don't think homophobia exists in most areas of the SW universe, but if there was ever a time her friends felt marginalized, she'd be there to defend them. Whether that required just a simple talk, all the way to "aggressive negotiations."

Qui-Gon Jinn (he/him): Asexual

He feels like he could like somebody in a romantic sense. I don't think he'd hold on too heavily to the Jedi Code either. He just doesn't have the time. He's also never really wanted the sexual aspects of a relationship. I bet he gave all his Padawans "the talk" though.

Mace Windu(he/him): Aro/Ace

...and judgmental about it. Very sex-repulsed. He's not homophobic. He hates all PDA equally. Don't kiss in front of him. He will gag.

Rey (she/her): Pansexual

She just has a whole lotta love to give. :)

Finn (he/him): Bisexual

Rey's really hot. Poe's really hot. Why is everyone so hot???

Poe Dameron (he/him): Gay

Gay. Gay. Homosexual. Gay. (This is for Oscar Isaac. Luv u bby 😘) Poe looked at Finn like he was the first drop of water in the desert. And I think that's beautiful.

Rose Tico (she/her): Queer. Non-Binary.

Rose knows who she likes. She doesn't need a label to save what she loves. I think she still likes she/her pronouns, but doesn't necessarily like the label "woman."

That's the list! I'll be doing more Star Wars queer headcanons for people outside of the movies too! So be looking out for that, if you've read this far! Let me know if I've missed someone important from the movies and I'll add it later!