#arospec questioning

[soulofadeadpoet]

I'm not sure what it is about me. Growing up, romance and marriage always looked like such a dream. I thought it would be an inevitability that I'd meet "the one" who I'd share all my secrets and grow old with. Now, as I'm surrounded by the reality of what real adult relationships look like, and I've had a few of my own though never so serious, I honestly wonder what was the big deal after all.

[that1gal3-141]

So I've been identifying as arospec for a while bc of what I'll explain in a sec but I'm someone who likes labels on myself (not others I don't think everyone should have a label on what they are at all I just like having them, I think they're neat and listing them pisses off bigots lmao) so I wanna ask like, is my experience of romantic attraction like idk, a thing?

anyways for me it works nearly the exact same as platonic, like it's also nearly the exact same feeling as platonic too? like if different forms of attraction were angled lines then platonic and romantic are parallel, but on that same token, they feel the exact same but are in different positions? like for my babagrill i definitely have a *different* attraction but it has the same feeling as for my other friends, like I also have the regular platonic attraction for them but I don't think that's necessarily arospec. Along with that, in the same way it may be a bit odd to have just one friend because "you've already got a friend why on earth would you want more" it feels odd to me to only have one partner, I very much understand for others it's different and I feel like I understand what that emotion is like I just don't feel it myself? so like with that I'm also non monogamous, and in the same way someone might just happen to only really have one friend it's just me and my babagrill so yk.

Also I'm autistic if that means anything ik nebularomantic is a thing but idk

Also if any of this effects anything I'm trans mtf demigirl and pan (I personally would be comfortable identifying as bi or maybe omni I feel like I'm in the overlap but I honestly like the pan flag idk)

Have a wonderful day <3

[littlelav107]

idk chat i just read some of my notebooks from when i was like. Eight years old

and lowkey it sounds all too familiar to what my personal writing is like now? and now I'm utterly horrified that my feelings are repetitive and childish and that i do not deserve to feel if I am only to feel in such immature ways.

[quartz-the-cosmic-manta]

I know that I'm ace, but after I realized that 2 years ago, I've been on and off wondering if I'm somewhere on the aro spectrum as well. I feel like demiromantic might fit, but for some reason I feel weird about "officially labeling" that experience or whatever. it was so easy for me to accept my asexuality, why is this so difficult?

trying to be logical (is that something you do with stuff like this??), but since it takes a while for me to consider someone my friend, it would make sense for me to feel the same way for romantic attraction/relationships. right??

also like, I've only had one partner/boyfriend and we were a couple for almost the entirety of high school. it took a year or so before our first kiss, and only started telling each other "I love you" a few months before he broke up with me.

It's OK to not be completely sure what you're experiencing, it's OK to take a best guess or not label it at all.

[trickstersaint]

i want to introduce you all to a project that is very close to my heart... or lack of one. anyway. for anyone who has ever wanted to play a poem. i'd like you to meet aromanticism

(link opens itch.io - she'll run on html in your browser! please be nice to her!)

[cookthepenguin]

is this fr? do people really use pickup lines?

[twiggybeing]

I'm trying to figure out if I'm demiromantic or if it's just the trust issues...

[earth2audie]

is it an aroace thing to watch a show and pick up my phone every time a kiss scene happens like it’s the most boring thing i’ve ever seen or do i just do that

[incognitopolls]

Anon's identity as a monsterfucker is tied closely with their lack of real-life attraction; they're curious whether that's a common experience.

–

We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.

[knifearo]

you can literally just be aromantic. it’s free and nobody’s stopping you :)

[stormandsparks]

Poll

(because of something my sister told me and I’m confused so)

*but it’s fine as a word/thing for others to call themselves

Oh yeah and pls reblog for sample size!

Edit: uhhhh so votes have more than doubled in the last like hour and a half??? Thanks @fuckyeahasexual (i think) 0-0

[greatandholypangolin]

am I wrong for saying “shoutout to asexuals”?

ok so recently, whenever a conversation has died or whatever, I’ll just say “shoutout to asexuals” and then move on, because, idk, it’s a bit funnygoofy and also I like my asexual friends. Anyway, I said it in front of my mother and she said not to do it anymore, because it could be seen as “othering” people with asexuality. I don’t see it that way at all, but I wouldn’t like to be accidentally homophobic, so I’m using a poll to get real asexual opinions

for reference, I’m bisexual, and my mother knows that, so I am part of the LQBTQ+ community, but I’m (maybe) not asexual. I’ve been thinking about things around the aro/ace spectrum, based on past experiences, but I feel as though I’m not sure enough to give myself any proper labels. My mother doesn’t know about that part.

so, my mother’s arguments:

It may seem like I’m “othering” the asexual community by saying that

its like being the a white girl in a room with a few black people in it and saying “shoutout to black people” - it feels weird to her

im not saying it because I genuinely want to support asexuals, I’m saying it as more of a verbal tic

my 2 asexual friends agreeing is not a large enough group, even if they both are fine with it, others may not be

and my arguments are:

Im saying it to include asexuals, because they can sometimes feel disregarded in LGBTQ+ spaces

its pride month, literally the best time to give random unprovoked asexuality shoutouts

Idk, I feel like asexual people wouldn’t really be offended by that

both of my asexual friends think it’s hilarious and encourage me to keep going

it’s like a cis person saying “yay trans pride” at random moments and being told not to because it’s making trans people feel more separate

im not othering asexual people, I’m celebrating them

also pls reblog this around I want the largest possible data set so I know if I’m problematic or not

[twiggybeing]

Me when people talk about celebrity crushes

I don't get it...

[thatone-churro]

hang on. there’s no way we’re revitalizing “are [cishet] aro people queer” discourse. it is almost 20-fucking-24. no. say sike right now. you’re all fucking ridiculous. how are we not only not over this, but bringing it up for active discourse again. and acting like the things being said are common discussion and not. blatant aphobia. which is homophobia. it’s queerphobia. did we never fucking learn from the many “they want us to fight amongst ourselves because if we’re divided it’s easier to ruin us” type talks that everyone was making a while ago. or was that a phase too. what happened to “anything not heteronormative is what queer is. anything with romance/sex/gender that’s othered from what society deems the “norm” is what we are. we are a community of outcasts because the greater community doesn’t want us either way.” what the shit.

[inthepersimmon]

any experiences to share about how you find out you're asexual / aromantic ?

[person25]

Something that has always bothered me is when a show/movie says something like “I want you to find the person for you. Then you’ll understand how it feels to be truly happy.”

Every time it’s said i yell “wrong!” at the tv. Really, are you saying the only way i can find true peace in life is if i’m in a romantic relationship?

My parents never understand why i have such strong feelings about this but that’s not much of a surprise.