#at the expense of the struggle and death of those who are already here

[creadigol]

I wanted to write a civilian story and this is what came out of my brain. I hope y’all like!

Warnings: Mentions of a violent encounter with a pretty creepy bad guy. 

The body floated, bobbed one might say, aimlessly in the expensive botanical garden’s pond. With the amount of algae in the water it was a wonder Civilian had seen the thing at all, let alone recognize the figure. 

But recognize the figure they did… and it made the horrific sight all the more terrifying. 

Civilian bit back a scream as the bloated body floated closer to them. 

Bloated…that meant the body had been in there for at least a day right? At least that’s what all those cop shows said…Civilian was a historian, not a doctor…oh god it was getting closer!

Civilian clutched their messenger bag close to their chest and backed away from the pond. Five minutes…five minutes was all it took to scar them for life. Five minutes to change everything Civilian thought they knew about their gracious hosts at the historic hotel. 

God, they were such a fool. 

They had their suspicions. Of course they did, but when  the opportunity came to stay at the very place they had spent years researching came up…there was no question. They had a sabbatical coming up anyway, where better to have it than on the actual location? 

But now…

The body was face down, but it was no question who it was, and who had done this. Villain had been threatening the Senator for months, it was all over the news. But how did Villain know the Senator was staying in this specific hotel in England? Hell, why was Civilian’s timing so terrible?! 

There was a rustling in the bushes to their right. Civilian whipped their head around hoping against hope that the sound was the normal squirrel or bird one would find in a botanical garden. 

The rustling stopping as soon as Civilian looked over. They caught a glimpse of something metallic reflecting the sun…so, not an animal then.

Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god. 

Maybe Civilian could play it off as if they saw nothing? Just glance away and find the path back to the hotel where there was a cell signal and they could call for help. That was good, now they just needed to look away.

 Shit, why were they so frozen? 

They slowly edged backwards towards the tan gravel path. Civilian couldn’t help but keep looking at the bush, waiting for whoever was in there to strike. As soon as they had made it three steps a deep voice rang out from the shrubbery,

“Got somewhere to be? You only just got here.” 

Civilian turned and ran. 

They ran faster than they ever had in their life. Their feet pounded on the gravel with as much force as their heart pounded against their rib cage. In their hast they couldn’t find it in their throat to scream for help. Help from someone, anyone. 

Their running wasn’t fast enough. 

A hand grabbed the back of their messenger bag and yanked them back. Civilian choked on air as their back viciously hit the ground. A knee was on their chest and a hand over their mouth as soon as their body was down. 

“Now, now love. All I need is a little chat about what you just saw. No need to be so on edge.” The man on top of them wore a dark mask and his leather gloves smelled against Civilian’s face. The man’s silver watch periodically glinted the reflection of the sun with each spasm Civilian experienced.

They frantically tried to claw the hand off their mouth, tears already leaking from their eyes, and they kicked their legs out trying to dislodge the attacker. Their struggle, though, quickly stopped as the other hand yanked their head back by their hair at an angle which promised death if they struggled too hard. 

“None of that now,” the low voice said. A voice that Civilian did not recognize. “I don’t want to kill you yet. There’s still some things I need from you.” 

Yet.

Yet. 

The word made new panicked tears come to civilian’s eyes. Their sobs were stifled by the rank leather that gripped tighter around their mouth. 

“That’s a good one. Now, tell me, did you tell anyone where you were headed on this fine morning?” 

Civilian froze. Wide eyes staring at the two eye holes the mask provided. What should they say? What would buy them more time? They could lie and say they had told someone they were going for a walk…but would that put someone else in danger? The moment the attacker knew Civilian was alone with no travel companion they would break their neck or drown them in the pond like the senator, they were sure…

“I can tell you didn’t,” the mask lifted a bit at the edges indicating a smile beneath. “Your eyes say it all. No one knows you’re out here then, hm?” 

Civilian tried once more to push the man off, but his grip only tightened and he leaned more of his weight on his knee. Civilian’s chest ached. 

“That’s a yes. You should never play poker my friend. You have every tell in the book.” 

Civilian only cried more. 

“You and the Senator were getting pretty close last night. Anything he told you that you wish to share?” 

Pretty close? Civilian had only spoken to him for part of the evening about the hotel’s architecture. The senator had found it fascinating that Civilian could tell what year each part of the hotel was built based on the shape of the windows. It was nothing special…but that meant this masked man was at the party last night, watching them. 

Civilian was going to throw up. 

The hand eased a bit off their mouth, now just hovering over. Civilian’s choked sobs immediately sounded. 

“Come on now, just tell me what you know and this will go as smoothly as I can make it. That’s quite nice of me, isn’t it?” 

“I…” Civilian stuttered through the panic, “I…don’t know what you mean.” 

“Of course you do,” The hand gripping their hair pulled even more, causing Civilian to choke on a gasp. “I know you’re a smart one. You’ve seen the news. Did the Senator tell you anything about making a deal?” 

What? What did that even mean? They spoke about windows for fucks sake!

“No…no…we were…” They huffed out a sob that they couldn’t hold back. 

“You were what?” The hand that hovered over their mouth now clamped on their throat. Just tight enough to cause pain. 

“Windows,” Civilian cried. “We were talking about the windows.” 

“Windows?” The man questioned. 

“I…you can tell a lot about a building through its windows…I’m writing about the hotel…” 

The man interrupted them with a laugh. The hand on their hair loosened and Civilain’s head was no longer forced back. 

“Windows,” the man chuckled. “Fucking windows…and here I was worried.” 

The hand started to card through their hair in an oddly intimate gesture. 

“Sorry mate,” said the man with nonchalance. “Wrong place, wrong time I guess. Pity too, you’re sorta cute.” 

The hand on their throat suddenly clasped and Civilain’s eyes blew wide as the man leaned down and placed both hands on their neck to squeeze. 

The man put his weight onto his knee and arms, effectively cutting off all air and making any of Civilian’s struggling pointless. Still, they clawed at the hands and kicked their feet, feeling the blood rush to their head. 

No, they thought at black spots appeared before their eyes. Please, god, no.

“It’ll be over soon, love.” The man’s voice barely registered. 

Civilian felt their hands go numb and their kicking stopped as their energy drained like a bath with the stopper pulled out. 

“Yeah, it will.” 

A slash and the pressure on their neck and chest was gone. Civilian coughed and gasped as air flooded their body. 

From the corner of their eye they could make out two dark shapes struggling beside them, but through the coughing and the tears they couldn’t make out much. 

Suddenly they felt themselves being picked up and thrown over a shoulder. They make a sound of protest, despite their damaged throat. 

“Hang on, mate. I’ll get you somewhere safe.” 

Civilian knew that voice. They knew it, but their battered body could do nothing to protest. 

Civilian could only hang off the broad shoulder as Villain swept them deeper into the garden. 

[afro-elf]

everyday there is some new housing mess in this city and the city almost invariably handles it horrifically wrong

[icyg4l]

PAC: Why Did You Reincarnate as a Woman?

For this Pick-A-Pile, I am going to continue with my Women’s History Month series, where I uplift, inspire and/or relate to women on this platform. This reading is a bit of a life path reading and a past life reading but it’s more general. So take whatever resonates and leave what doesn’t. Without further ado, please pick a pile!

Left-to-Right (1-3):

Pile 1: If you chose this pile, this is definitely for my girls who like to move around. I think that you’re someone who was meant to be rich, you definitely have expensive taste. In a past life, I think that you were into the esoteric world and into the arts. You dibbled and dabbled in a little bit of this and that. But I don’t think that you were able to find stability in your past life. But you had a clear vision for yourself. So this time, you’ve reincarnated as a woman to gain financial stability and independence from the debts of your past life. In past lives, you could have been non-committal or always wanting to rush into things. And as a result, you reincarnated without ever having a satisfied spirit. As women, we are expected to be the nurturers and sidekicks to men. But you, Pile One, are definitely the main character. You’re a free spirit and a force to be reckoned with. You follow the beat of your own drum. But remember that the goal is to feel happy with where you already are. Your spirit has a lot of fire but don’t burn it out trying to be everywhere all at once. You were born to be the non-comformist and that’s okay.

Signs: Gemini, Taurus, Leo, Sagittarius.

Cards Used: 7 of Cups, 5 of Wands, Queen of Discs, 9 of Discs, 2 of Discs, Ace of Discs, The High Priestess, The Hierophant, 3 of Swords, The Star, 4 of Discs, The World, 8 of Wands and Justice.

extras: beyhive. saweetie. white nails. green eyes. born with heart issues. short-term career path. life path number five. pirates. bohemian style. theatre kid. paint. big city girl.

Pile Two: If you chose this pile, you’re definitely someone who is described as a pure spirit. What’s funny is I channeled those Snapped interviews of people saying their friend was “the light in a dark room”. You have the tendency to make friends easily. You’re very introverted. That’s how it’s supposed to be. In a past life, you could have suffered from depression; perhaps you were in a mental hospital. You were burdened with a reputation that wasn’t true to your character. You were an outcast. Maybe you could predict death & people despised you for it. I think you felt unloved and misunderstood. This life is supposed to be a clean slate for you, Pile Two. I think that there was a lot of gossip about you. But this time, you carried over the scars from being a target of gossip. Maybe you feel like you don’t really have any friends. Maybe you have a weird relationship with trust & you end up trusting the wrong people/none at all. Maybe you keep people at an arms length but you’re still a friend to all. I think that you reincarnated as a woman to reclaim your power and the right to be here on this Earth. You make the world go round, Pile Two. Don’t forget that. Never feel guilty for having fun.

Cards Used: Justice, The Chariot, Knight of Wands, Page of Cups, 3 of Cups, 3 of Discs, King of Wands, 10 of Wands, Queen of Swords, The Magician, Ace of Swords, 9 of Cups, Ace of Cups (RX), Ten of Swords, The High Priestess, 7 of Cups, Queen of Cups and The World (RX).

Signs: Sagittarius, Scorpio, Aquarius, Libra.

extras: nurse. break my soul. ellie goulding. codependency. microsoft. computer geek. smiley emoji. venusian. dmv. pills. fasting. making friends with outcasts. working with autistic children/elderly people.

Pile Three: If you chose this pile, you’re probably a person who struggles with their faith. This doesn’t come from nowhere & it’s not new to you. It’s in fact true to you. Today, you’re described as someone who is rebellious or maybe even lazy, but somehow you never complain about your circumstances. You’re like Trish De La Rosa. You keep a job! But in a past life, you were like a moody teenager. You never really saw the good in things. You were very negative. You held grudges and shunned people if they pissed you off. You could have been a gang member or you were an advocate for civil rights. Either way, your mindset was very black-and-white, no in between. As a result, I feel like you can struggle with following the rules today. I also feel like you have the tendency to be anti-religion/anti-Christianity, which is the basis as to why you struggle with your faith. Someone could have told you that you had “loose” ways as a child and this lit a fire under your ass. Misogyny in the church, but also in general is a reason why you have this fighter spirit. You have a fighter spirit, Pile Three. You’re here as a woman to take back what’s yours. You’re here to help other women realize their worth, reclaim their sexuality and transmute their pain into something beautiful, Pile Three and you will do it successfully.

Cards Used: Nine of Swords, The Star, The Emperor, Ace of Wands (RX), Ten of Swords (RX), Two of Discs, Eight of Cups, Queen of Cups, The Sun (RX), 4 of Discs, The World, 4 of Cups, Justice (RX), 8 of Swords, The Lovers (RX), The Hierophant, Princess of Swords.

Signs: Scorpio, Aries, Capricorn, Pisces.

extras: detention. good luck charlie. rapper. obsessed with cats. megan thee stallion. enough (2002). independent women. scarlet red. queer rights activist.

[mochinomnoms]

Random thing, but between the boys who want to have children in the future who do you think are more open to have adopted children?

The question just came to me when randomly the thought "wait, what if Yuu doesn't want to get pregnant in the future?" came to mind

Ideally, none of them would mind. If it's what you want, then they are more than happy to provide! If we wanted to be a bit more realistic, there are a few where adopting might be an issue.

(I had to go through my brain again to remember who I think wouldn't have kids cause I couldn't find my post, but Leona, Ace, Jamil, and Idia wouldn't want kids so they aren't here. I can't remember if I had more or not on the list)

Kalim and Malleus are the first two where it would be an issue. Quite frankly, the people around them wouldn't allow it. The Asim family gives me the vibe of those who prioritize blood relations as family (if the 30+ kids didn't help with that already). Unless the kid was adopted as an infant and looked very similar to you or Kalim so that plausible deniability was possible, they couldn't risk it. Kalim is often dealing with death threats and assassination attempts just so the next member of the family can be the heir, if extended family were to find out that your kids (and thus next heir) wasn't blood related to Kalim, then there could probably be some legal issues with inheritance. Malleus, similarly, is under a tight leash with the Briar Valley's council that Lilia has been struggling to remove. I haven't seen much of Chp 7 so I'm working with very limited information mind you, but from what I can tell they are very traditional and extremely concerned with maintaining the Draconia (and the draconian part) bloodline strong. I feel that adoption to them would be out of the question with no hesitation. Neither of them I think would feel very strongly against it though: Kalim would see it as an opportunity to grow your happy family and Malleus I think would actually strongly relate, as he himself is an orphan. He'd see it as an opportunity to take after Lilia and give the love and care to a child that more than deserves it. If they really are set with adoption with you, then Malleus would have no trouble setting his foot down, he is the rightful ruler of Briar Valley and if he says that's his kid and heir, then that's his motherfucking kid bitch! Kalim I think would require that he's not only grown a sturdy backbone as an adult, but also a very ironclad will and testament. But it's not impossible, just very very difficult.

The next ones that would have some concerns about it would be Riddle, Sebek, and Ruggie. Riddle's case is a bit similar to Kalim's but not really. It's more so whether is family (specifically his mother) would accept his child being adopted. I think the fear of his kid being alienated from the family would be a lot for him, and I can't really gauge if I this Mrs. Rosehearts would be opposed to it or not, as well as whether Riddle remains in contact with her as an adult and still values her opinion as well. I think it would depend on the circumstances, sadly enough: if you were unable to have biological kids for whatever reason or if you could but would be extremely risk on your health, as a doctor I think she would understand. Sebek though I think would struggle internally a lot, he's not opposed to the idea of adoption at all, but he's so attached to his family name and his fae blood. I think knowing that he has a child that might not be accepted as a true Zigvolt for not being blood related (and potentially a human) would eat him up. He already had to deal with that himself (externally and internally, I'm not sure). But he's also been around Lilia a lot, and I think some positive reinforcement and encouragement from him would help a lot. Ruggie is very simple, adoption is so fucking expensive, man. That's a lot of fucking money, so he's willing to wait as long as needed to save up.

The rest of the cast I think wouldn't have any qualms about it, as there's no history or trauma that I think would affect their decision. I think Trey, Deuce, Azul, Jade, Jack, Rook, and Silver are the most eager to have a family, while Cater, Vil, Epel and Lila are okay not having any if you don't want any either. I think Floyd would greatly depend, as much as I love him, massive mood swings are not great for raising children so he'd need a lot of maturing to do, if he even wants kids (he keeps changing his mind about it, some days he's in love with the idea, other days he's pretty indifferent) but he wouldn't mind having kids with you. Silver would obviously love the idea, he's had a great experience and father, he'd want to pass that experience along to his own kid. So if adopting is an option, then why not! If it's what you want (and they think raising a baby with you is something they'd like to do) then who are they to oppose? They'll love that kid from the moment their eyes meet, as much as they love you!

[milkywaybottles]

Rest - Papa IV / Copia (The Band Ghost) x Reader Fluff

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A/N: I cannot get enough writing for Ghost at the moment and, truth be told, I'm so excited to see the interaction with you guys! The love has been greater than I had imagined. Writing these things gives me such clarity during a time of stress so hopefully, people will continue to enjoy them. Without further ado, here is "Rest"

Reader's Pronouns: Unspecified

Prompt: 'Just go back to sleep, I promise to be here when you wake up'

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You loved Copia with all your heart, truly, but there were those comforting nights when you knew that he was the one that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.

Both you and him had been worked to death by the Clergy in the previous weeks, barely spending your days together. You would find yourselves at opposite ends of the ministry, Copia working tirelessly in his office while you assisted with various jobs, spanning from attending to the library to helping conduct sermons and rituals. Those were the nights when you both would either come to bed extremely late, not uttering a word to each other, or not coming to bed at all. You dreaded walking into his office in the early hours of the morning, blanket tucked over your shoulders because you were faced with the reality that, since Copia had been appointed as Papa IV, you had struggled to maintain a consistent relationship.

But you couldn’t help but smile either at the sight of your drooling lover, head rested on a pile of papers, mainly composer sheets, and ink splattered across his lip. So, maybe in the end, you were okay with how things were for the moment. You couldn’t deny that it wasn’t perfect, but you both tried your best, and that was enough for you. Which led to one night in particular...

You had just finished up in the library for the night, placing the last books back onto the dusted shelves before reaching for your oil lamp. Rain battered against the beautifully etched stain glass windows of the ministry. Taking the lamp, you turned as you shut the door behind you, making your way into the booming hallways. It was well past midnight, you had determined, moon positioned between a haze of clouds. The light seeping through the windows left shadows on the tiles, accompanying you as you walked ever so closer to your shared chambers. Mind wandering to Copia once again, you wondered if he had retreated to the sleeping quarters for the night or if he was still hard at work.

Taking a left and then a right, you were faced with the giant and daunting door which led into your bedroom. Placing a hand on the bronze, rat shaped knocker, applying a small amount of pressure to the door, it creaked open at an agonisingly slow pace. You winced. If Copia was indeed inside, and your shoes in the hallway hadn’t done it, you surely would have woken him by now. But as your eyes scanned over the empty velvet, four post bed to the side of your room, you were able to place a hand to your chest in relief. Satan forbid you woke the man who was already sleep deprived. Within a flash, you had kicked off your shoes, body aching for slumber and sleep pulling on your eyelids.

After deciding the shoes were a safe enough distance from the door to be a tripping hazard, you collapsed into the puffy sheets of your bed. The bed was still in shambles from the morning, the blankets still pulled in the same faint outline of Copia’s body. Sighing, your hand ran across the cold and empty pillow, silk soft against your fingers. Not bothering to change, you were comfortable enough in your robes to slither under the covers. The scent of incense and expensive cologne lingered under your nose, teasing you with what you could not have.

Within minutes, you had fallen into a deep slumber.

But the night had other plans.

A few peaceful hours had passed. Half of the covers had been thrown across your body, tangled within them. Your stomach was pressed to the bed, back facing the ceiling though you shifted uncomfortably at the sticky humidity that had invaded the room. The storm still rumbled on relentlessly, crackles of lightning whipping across the sky. It often came in waves, thunder groaning followed by rips in the sky, rain providing an ambience. You never had a problem with thunderstorms, in fact, you relished in them. It was times like that when you could run out into the rain, damp hair spread across your face as you smiled at the break in the clouds.

Despite this, the claws of fear gripped you while you slept, gnashing their ferocious teeth. You let out the occasional whimper, clinging to the sheets of your bed. Wavering between the land of sleep and waking, you were in too deep to notice the door whine open. He mustn’t have noticed your occupation of the bed at first, but instead of continuing his nightly routine of getting undressed, he paused before taking a seat at the side of your bed. You hadn’t noticed the way he held his gaze on your resting face, nor the way the bed dipped inwards, followed by a minute of silence.

A defeated and shaky sigh escaped his lips, bringing his hand to push a stray strand of hair from your face. The rest of your hair had been splayed out on your pillow. Feeling the sudden contact, you whined again, tossing faintly under his touch. Slowly, your eyes began to peel open, fuzzy black spots speckling your vision, making way for a silhouetted view of Copia in the darkness.

“Copia..?” You smiled drowsily, body loosening at the comfort the thought of him being in the room brought.

“Bad dream, si?” He questioned, as quiet as a mouse. His hand was pulled across your face, stroking your hair while you lulled in satisfaction. There was a half mumble in response, approving his statement. A blanket of his scent covered you. “I’m here, Cara Mia. I’m here”. His empty hand pulled back a sheet at the sight of your flushed body, attempting to bring you relief.

“I… love you. Please don’t leave me” you whispered, once again edging the line between sleep and consciousness. You had been too drowsy to fully consider the weight of your words.

His reply was quick but just as careful and meaningful, “I love you as well”. You appeared as a love-drunk idiot, stomach fluttering as your head rest in the hand on the man you were so desperately in love with. “Just go back to sleep, I promise I’ll be here when you wake up, Cara Mia”. You sunk back into the sheets.

Copia opened his mouth, a soft sound trailing out of it, “Can you hear me say your name forever?…. Can you hear me longing for you… forever?”. It was the familiarity of the tune that truly sent you back into the depths of sleep. “Would you let me touch your soul forever…? Can you feel me longing… for you, forever?". By the time he finished, lightly smiling, your head was tilted on the side of the pillow, mouth slightly agape. His movements were careful and calculated, doing his best not to wake you as he brought his lips to your forehead, mumbling sweet nothings against it.

"Rest well, Cara Mia"

He went to bed beside you peacefully for what felt like the first time in forever. He kept his promise well, and in your drowsy wakening, you beamed at the sight of a sleeping Copia. Both your moods had perked up drastically the next morning, spending it cuddling within the confines of your large bedroom.

Needless to say, Copia began retiring to bed earlier and began earning some much deserved rest.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[ofstoriesandstardust]

the one where they go camping (b.r.b.)

a/n: i started sending thoughts about the one bed trope with @gretagerwigsmuse​ and it suddenly turned into a full-fledged fic. also, there’s a playlist for this fic!! this is probably a full-fledged disaster but idk i enjoyed it. 

summary: You spend your spring break camping with your friends from UVA. Cue the most awkward five days of your life when it turns out you and Bradley will have to share a bed. 

flight risk masterlist | UVA cast of characters

warnings: swearing, alcohol, one bed trope, cuddling, arguing, food mentions, there’s a knife but it’s only used in a cooking context, the word bitch is used in a derogatory context, canon death of a parent, body insecurity, reference to former toxic relationships, sunshine needs therapy, this is semi-researched and semi my imagination, man i sure do love those fucking commas

word count: 10,612

The sound of keys being tossed on the table catches your attention. You look up from your book, catching a glimpse of Bailey, pulling out a chair next to you. From across her is Madison with Bradley, who is pulling the chair out across from you. You squint in the sunlight, offering him a soft smile. 

"Hey Sunshine.” He says as he sits, tugging his backpack off his shoulders. 

“Hi.” 

“Any fun plans for spring break?” 

You pick up your bookmark, shutting it in the book and setting it on the table as you shake your head. “No, I’ll probably just hang out here. Sleep maybe.” 

Bailey’s head flies up from where she’s looking through her bag. “What?” 

You furrow your eyebrows. “What you do you mean what?”

She doesn’t get a chance to respond as Tommy approaches the table, Eli behind him dragging two other chairs from another table to where you’re sat in the courtyard. It’s a warmer than usual day for March, letting you study outside for the first time in months. 

“Are we discussing camping over here?” Tommy asks, sitting down between Bailey and Bradley. Eli wedges himself in between Tommy and Bradley, barely fitting in the group. 

Bailey nods absent-mindedly, still staring at you. “I thought you were coming camping with us.” 

“Oh- I didn’t-” You swallow, feeling the itch to pull the sleeves of your UVA sweatshirt down around your fingers. “I didn’t realize I was invited.” You mumble, cheeks going hot. 

“What do mean you didn’t realize you were invited? Madison and I discussed it like, six times in front of you.” 

You shrug. “I don’t have any gear to go camping. I’ve never actually even been camping.” 

“How have you never been camping?” Eli asks incredulously, eyes going wide. 

You shrug again. “I don’t know, we always did backyard campouts. My parents couldn’t really afford to take the time off of work.” 

“I still don’t understand why you didn’t think you’d be invited.” 

“I don’t know Bailey, it- it wasn’t an explicit invitation.” You stammer out, wanting to shrink down in your chair. “My parents always told me to never assume I’d been invited places or to invite myself to outings or trips. I didn’t want to assume I’d been invited and have nobody want me there.” 

The table falls silent at the words and you resist the urge to squirm. Madison grabs your wrist, forcing you to look at her as she says your name softly. “You’re invited. We want you there. You don’t need to worry about gear or anything; Tommy and I are already compiling all of our stuff.” 

“Okay.” You say softly, as she gives you a bright smile. 

“Cool beans, cool bean.” She says, punching a laugh out of both you and Bradley. 

“Didn’t you do Girl Scouts?” Eli asks, still frowning. “I’m still struggling to comphrend the fact that you’ve never been camping.” 

You shrug. “Yeah, but only for a few years when I was little. It just got expensive, especially cause my siblings had their own extracurriculars and whatever. Never really got to the age where we did the whole camping thing. Who’s all going on this trip?” 

“You, me, Bails, Mads, Eli and Bradley. I thought Kade would join us but he has to work.” Tommy responds. 

“What about Anna?” You ask, eyebrow raised. “Or Blake, I know he likes camping.” 

Tommy coughs awkwardly. “Yeah, well Blake is busy I think. Anna is going to Oregon to see her boyfriend.” 

“Oh, gotcha.” You glance at the time on your watch. “Anyways, I have to go to class.” 

“We’re leaving on Sunday at seven am sharp! Four days and five nights. Madison will pick you up. Bring clothes to swim cause we’re going to the lake.” Bailey says, pulling a notebook out of her bag. 

“Are you guys still camping at Lake Shenandoah? Why leave so early?” 

“Only gonna be there for five days. We have to maximize our time.” Madison says authoritatively, pulling her sunglasses down on to her face. 

“There can’t be that much to do.” You mutter as you stand up from the table.

“What was that?” 

“Nothing!”

-

Someone calls your name, making you turn. It’s Tommy, running out of the office you’d just walked past. “Hey Tommy.” You say, turning to face him. You have to look up to make eye contact with him, his lanky body towering over yours (and everyone else’s). 

“Hey, I’m glad I caught you. I wanted to talk to you about camping actually.” 

You raise an eyebrow, trying not to suck in your bottom lip to chew on it nervously. 

Did they not want you to go anymore? 

“So, we’ve done some preliminary packing and it turns out there’s not going to be enough room for Madison to drive you.” You swallow, waiting for the inevitable. 

Sorry, we just don’t have room. Maybe next time? 

He continues on however, not noticing your sudden panic. “Anyways, Bailey and Madison will be in Mads car together, but the only other person who’s car will fit all of us is Bradley’s, cause my truck will only fit two people and Eli refuses to drive his quote ‘nice, expensive car to a camp site’ so we’re left with Bradley’s. Anyways, are you cool to ride with him?” 

You nod, even though the thought of being in a car with Bradley for a whole hour feels like the worst idea. 

At least there would be other people? And, given the hierarchy of the friend group, you’d probably end up in the back. 

It would be fine. 

He smiles. “Great. Bradley has your address, right? He’ll pick you up at eight. Eli vetoed the leaving at seven thing.” 

“Oh great, a whole extra hour.” 

Tommy chuckles. “He was originally pushing for eleven.” 

“And that somehow got negotiated down to eight?” 

“Bailey threatened to key his car if he didn’t stop being difficult.” 

“Why do you hang out with him again?” 

“He’s cool.” 

“Yeah, remember when Bailey told you you were frat bro-adjacent? She was right.” You say, turning on your heel. 

“See you Sunday!″ He calls from behind you, smile clear in his tone.

-

You’re sitting out on your front porch, fiddling with your shoelaces nervously as you wait for Bradley. The sun is still rising, just peaking over the horizon. Your head is tucked up into your knees, admiring the sky when Bradley’s car emerges from around the corner. 

You lift your head, up, noticing it's just him in the vehicle as he parks in front of your house. “Where’s your annoying buddy?” You call as he steps out of the car, the door slamming shut behind him. 

He sighs, rounding the vehicle. “Oh boy do I have a story for you.” 

You give a half-laugh, standing up from the step as he walks up the sidewalk towards you. “What? What happened? What did I miss?” 

He shakes his head, not answering the question as he picks up the duffle bag that was siting by your feet. You double-check that the front door is locked and then follow him to the car, where he’s setting the bag in the back with his stuff. “Hop on in.” 

You pull the front passenger door open, sliding in the seat. “Can we stop and get road trip snacks?” 

He pauses from where he’s putting the key in the ignition to look at you. “It’s an hour drive.” 

You shrug, pulling your seatbelt on. “Well, you don't have to get anything but I’m hungry and didn’t eat breakfast. Plus, I love a good road trip snack.” 

He sighs, starting the car. “Yeah, I didn’t eat anything either. We can stop at McDonald’s, if you want.” 

“That works.” 

“Thank you for putting your seatbelt on, by the way.” He says, starting to pull out from your driveway.

“With this friend group, no one goes anywhere without it on.” 

“I know, but I DD for the frat parties and you would not believe how hard it is to get drunk frat boys to put their seat belts on.” 

You chuckle. “I could guess.” There’s a pause as you consider your next words. “You know, I always forget you’re in a frat because you don’t act like a typical frat bro.” 

He turn his head, half towards you, still keeping his eyes on the road. “Oh yeah? Why is that?” 

You shrug. “I don’t know. Frat bros are certain type of people like...” You trail off, searching for how to describe the guys he hang out with without also insulting the people he’s around so often. 

“Like Eli?” He asks, a smile growing on his face. 

“Yeah.” You breathe out, returning his smile. “Like Eli.” 

“I’m kind of annoyed at him at the moment, so you can talk shit, it’s okay. I know you don’t like him.” 

“Bailey doesn’t like him.” You correct. “I really don’t mind him. I know you guys are best buds. Why’re you annoyed?” 

He grumbles as the two of you pull into the McDonald’s parking lot. “I’m annoyed with all of them. You missed the packing disaster that happened last night, but to make a long story short, Tommy ended up having to drive and didn’t want to drive alone. It would’ve made sense for him to just come grab you and have the two of you drive in his truck since Eli and I live together, and I could’ve driven us but no, you were too far from Tommy’s and Eli wanted to hangout with Tommy and drive with him so somehow Eli ended up spending the night at Tommy’s and now we’re here.”

“So the short version is our friends are pains in the asses?”  

He chuckles, turning to look at you as he pulls into the drive-thru line. “Pretty much. What do you want?” 

-

You shift in your seat, trying to get a better look at the place as Bradley pulls into the driveway. “Bailey and Madison did good.” 

“How the fuck did they beat us here?” 

You pull your gaze from the small but cozy-looking cabin, to where Bradley’s eyeing the other cars in the driveway. Sure enough, there’s Tommy’s truck and Madison’s white Chevrolet SUV that somehow always felt larger than necessary. You shrug. “I don’t know, we did stop for McDonald’s.” 

“Yeah, but when have you ever known our friends to leave on time?” 

You tilt your head in acknowledgement of his question. “True.” 

The two of you climb out of the car, Bradley grabbing the bags out of the back as you trek up the driveway. The front door opens before you can even knock, revealing a grinning Bailey. 

“You guys finally made it! Bradley, the boys are upstairs, if you wanna take y’alls stuff up there.” She grabs your wrist, already moving you towards the kitchen. “Let me give you the full tour.”

The cabin is two-stories, with a small kitchen and a dining table just big enough to fit all six of you. She shows you the back area of the house from the French doors in the kitchen, where there’s a wonderful lake view and a fire pit. There's a smaller living room, with a loveseat and a recliner in front of a fireplace. She takes you up the stairs, where you realize with a sinking heart that there’s only three bedrooms. 

“So this is the master, which is mine and Madison’s, because Madison planned the trip and I found this place. That’s Eli and Tommy’s room down the hall, with the two twin beds. Which means...” 

“I’ll be sharing a bed with Bradley.” You sigh. The bed isn’t very big, a double if you had to guess. 

Fuck. 

You turn slightly, shooting Bailey a look. “You did this on purpose.” You whisper as the boys emerge from the room down the hall. 

She sighs shaking her head. “No, we weren’t expecting Eli to be such a pain in the ass about the sleeping arrangements.” 

You raise an eyebrow, doubting her words. “Really?” 

“Yeah, really Bailey?” Madison asks, appearing over Bailey’s shoulder. “He’s the reason we’re in a cabin and not camping camping.” 

“There’s dirt!” Eli shrieks as Bradley wedges himself in the doorway, realizing what the three of you are discussing. He gives you a brief glance, offering you a nervous smile. 

“We’ll make it work. Only four nights right?”

-

You glance up from your book but quickly pull your attention back down once you catch sight of Bradley in nothing but his boxers.  

He was trying to kill you, you were convinced of it. 

Your eyes remained firmly planted on the page, even though they aren’t absorbing any of the words, becoming a blurry mess as you focus really hard on not looking back up to see practically naked Bradley. He flops down on the bed, only shifting up to turn the lights off, flooding the room in pitch-black darkness. 

“Goodnight Sunshine.” He mutters, rolling over on the bed to have his back facing you. 

“Hey, I was reading!” You protest, fumbling on your side of the bed for the switch to your lamp. 

“Stop studying, we’re on spring break.” He says, hand blindly reaching out to grab the book out of your hand. He rolls over to put it on his nightstand with a rather loud thump. 

You gape at the faint outline of his figure, barely illuminated by the light under the crack of the door. “You’re a pain in my ass. I won’t even know where I stopped. ” 

“Yes, you will, because you always write in your books. Go to sleep.” 

You huff, but comply, setting the pen you are in fact holding on your nightstand and pulling the covers over you as you roll to have your back face his. You shut your eyes, listening to the only sound in the house of Tommy washing the dishes downstairs. 

It’s not long after that the light downstairs and in the hallway gets shut off, Tommy being the last one up and apparently going to bed for the night. The room does become pitch-black, the house falling silent. 

You aren’t sure how long you lay there, eyes squeezed shut as sleep continuously escapes you. 

All of the sudden, Bradley lets out a loud snore, causing you to jump. You shift up, looking over to him. As your eyes have adjusted to the dark, you see the faint outline of his chest rising and falling continuously. You let out a soft groan, palms of your hands reaching up to press themselves into your eyes. 

It was going to be a long night. 

-

The first thing you realize when you wake up is the fact that you’re abnormally warm. 

It’s March and you’re in a cabin in the middle of the woods. For as much as you had all played with thermostat the night before when the darkness had settled in, and with it the colder temperatures, you hadn’t gotten it to be very warm in the cabin before giving up and going to bed for the night. 

The second thing you register is that there’s a steady weight across your stomach and something tangled in your legs. You slowly let your eyes open, taking in the sunlight filtering in through the blinds, the sound of the coffee maker on downstairs. Tommy must be awake already. 

You turn your head slightly, following the arm thrown around your center. The steady weight is connect to the person next to you who’s...

oh shit. 

You wince, realizing what’s happening. 

Bradley-the-human-furnace-Bradshaw is cuddling you. 

Worse yet, you think he’s still asleep, which means he isn’t conscious of what he’s doing. At all. 

That’s what you tell yourself as you begin to panic, unsure of what to do. Did you wake him up? Did you tell him to get off of you?

You had to admit that it was nice, the way he was holding you. The way his arms around you made you feel protected. Safe. It felt a little like being home, if you were honest. 

You’d never felt that before. 

You take a deep breath to center yourself, remembering that you and Bradley weren’t even friends. You were just two people who knew each other because of a mutual friend group. You were just two people who’d been invited on this camping trip and got stuck sharing a bed together. 

It meant nothing. He didn’t mean anything by it. 

He stirs, shifting slightly on the bed. You quickly turn your head, trying to ignore the way he’d looked with the golden rays dancing on his skin, squeezing your eyes shut. 

Maybe you could pretend you were still asleep and the two of you would never have to talk about this and could pretend it never happened. 

Yeah, that was a good plan. 

He shifts, arm tightening around your middle as he rolls closer. You can practically feel his breath on the crook of your neck. “Morning Sunshine.” 

The words take your breath clean from your throat as you tense, willing yourself to be very still. Maybe he thinks you’re still asleep. 

“I know you’re not asleep.” The smile is clear in his voice and you move your head a little, looking back at him, swallowing when you realize how close he is. How good he looks in the morning. 

“Hi.” You whisper. 

“Hey.” He says, but then pulls his arm back, untangling his legs from yours. You instantly feel cold. “Sorry about that. I’ve been told I’m a cuddler in my sleep. Probably should’ve warned you.” 

“It’s fine.” You say, the words physically painful to squeeze out. He sits up, comforter falling around his hips to reveal his naked chest that is bathed in golden sunlight. You turn back around, squeezing your eyes shut once more at the sight of him. 

“What are we doing today, do you remember?” 

“Um.” You swallow, throat scratchy. “I think we’re going hiking I think Madison said.”

Behind you, you can feel him move off the bed, his weight disappearing. You can hear him move around the room, walking to where his bag is sat and unzipping it. “Sounds good. I’m gonna get changed. See you downstairs.” 

“Yeah.” 

You hold your breath until you hear the bedroom door click shut, and then begin to count backwards from 20 by 2s as you try to regulate your breathing. 

Then you sit up, not bothering to grab clothes to change into as you dart out of the room and down the hall, grabbing Bailey’s arm as she steps out of her room. Her eyes scan your face, searching for a sign of something being wrong. 

“What? Is everything okay?” She asks. The two of you are squeezed in the doorway as Madison stands on the other side in the room, listening to the conversation. 

“I woke up to Bradley cuddling me.” You mumble, eyes flickering to the door of Tommy’s room opening. 

Her frown changes to a smile, growing wider. “Oh yeah? And then what? You two finally bang it out? Have sleepy, cuddly sex?” 

You shoot her a look. “Fuck off that, will you?”

Madison snickers, causing you to also toss her a withering look. 

“Whatcha girls talking about over there?” Eli calls, Bradley appearing over his shoulder. 

“The stick up your ass.” Bailey calls back, grabbing your wrist and pulling you into the room, slamming the door shut behind you. 

“Smooth, B.” Madison mutters. 

Bailey ignores Madison, turning to face you with her hands on her hips. “Tell me everything. Now.” 

You faceplant on the bed with a groan. “There’s nothing to tell. I woke up to him cuddling me in his sleep and then he said ‘Sorry, I’m a cuddler in my sleep’ and then got up and left.”

The words are muffled into the comforter of the bed as your legs dangle off the side. It goes quiet in the room and you almost wonder if they didn’t hear you. Finally, you lift your had, pushing yourself into a seated position as you bring your legs to sit criss-cross. 

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to be normal around him now. He literally wears nothing but his underwear to bed. I just have to look at him like that after he cuddled me in his sleep and somehow be normal?” 

“So don’t.” Bailey says with a simple shrug. “Grow a pair and tell him. Tell him that you have a huge raging crush on him and then bang it out and become the world’s cutest couple so the rest of us can stop doing this dance with the two of you.” 

“You don’t have to sleep with him, like that.” Madison adds, sitting down on the bed. “But you should tell him how you feel about him.” 

You groan again, moving to face-plant once more into the comforter but Madison’s hand shoots out, keeping you upright. “He doesn’t like me back, I told you that.” 

“You’re the only one who thinks that.” Madison says firmly, giving you a little push so you’re upright. 

“Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.” Bailey says flatly with an eyebrow raised. 

“It’s not denial, Bails. He doesn’t like me like that. I don’t even think he’s sees us as friends. I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m annoying.” 

She snorts, rolling her eyes. “You’re impossible.” She says, turning around to the door. 

“Will one of you switch rooms with me, please?” You beg, turning to Madison first, knowing that if anyone will switch with you, it will be her. Her eyes flicker over to Bailey, who shakes her head. 

“Do you honestly think any of the other guys would’ve accidentally cuddled you in their sleep?” 

You shrug. “I don’t know, he did say this is normal for him.” 

Bailey sighs, taking another step back closer to the door. “I don’t think he’s the only one making excuses.” 

“What does that mean?” 

She ignores the question, hand on the doorknob. “Give it one more night and if you’re still uncomfortable, you and I will switch.” She opens the door, slipping out into the hallway. 

Madison squeezes your shoulder. “Tommy just made us a pot of coffee. Do you want me to pour you a cup while you get dressed?” 

You look down, realizing you’re still in pajamas. “Yeah, that’d be great.” 

She nods standing up from the bed, as you fall backwards on the bed, the heels of your hands once again coming to press into your eyes. 

You were so screwed. 

-

You squint, the bright sun overhead filtering in through the trees as the sounds of your friends yelling at each other causes the birds to fly away from the treetops. 

“I told you, we’re lost!” Bailey shouts, throwing her hands up in frustration. “And it’s all your fault, because you ignored Madison and said you knew where you were going!” 

“I do know where we’re going! I’ve made this hike a hundred times!” Eli shouts back. 

“Okay, both of you, cut it out. Bickering isn’t going to change the fact that we’re standing on the edge of a cliff.” Tommy said, wedging himself between Bailey and Eli. 

“I’ll push him off the edge of the cliff.” Bailey says, hands moving to her hips a she stares daggers down at Eli. 

“You’re a bitch.” Eli shoots, causing Bradley’s head to fly up from where he’s watching you kick a rock. 

“Hey!” He shouts. “Uh uh, we don’t talk about women like that.” 

“Don’t bother Bradshaw, I take pride in being called a bitch. “ Bailey says smugly. 

“Oh, of course you do.” Eli snarks, rolling his eyes. 

“Where the fuck is Madison going?” You mutter, watching her disappear off the trail and into the bushes. 

“The right way probably.” Bradley mutters back. 

“Should we follow her?” 

He tilts his head in consideration of your question. “We could. Or, hear me out-” He says, holding his hands out. “-we could go back to the cabin and play cards.” 

You bite your lip, nervous about the prospect of being all alone with him since this morning, but one look back to Tommy keeping Bailey and Eli form ripping each other’s throats out is enough to have you nodding. 

“Done deal, Bradshaw. Lead the way.” 

The two of you walk down the path from which you came, the shouting and bickering of your friends slowly tapering off into the distance. It’s quiet for a minute as you follow his footsteps, crunching over the leaves and dirt along the trail. 

“So... you excited about graduating?” 

He shrugs, pulling back to fall in step with you. “Kind of. This trip is making it all sort of real for me you know? This is the last time it’ll ever be like this.”

“Any grand post-grad plans?” 

“I’m enlisting.” Your head flies up at the words. 

“You- wait, you really are?” 

He nods, offering you nervous smile. “Yeah, I sent in my paperwork the morning I came to pick you up. I’ll have a better idea in a little while of where I’ll be going in a few weeks, but it’s happening, pretty much straight away.” 

“Wow.” You mutter. 

On the one hand, you’re thrilled for Bradley to get everything he's ever wanted. For as long as you known him, the Navy was the dream. Everything he’s worked for would soon be coming into fruition for him. 

On the other hand, you’re terrified. Terrified you may never hear from him again, that Bradley Bradshaw may become nothing more than a memory to everybody who’s ever known or loved him. 

Because that was it, wasn’t it?

To know Bradley Bradshaw was to love him. 

And maybe that didn’t scare you as much as it should’ve, the thought that you might be in love with this boy. 

But what did scare you was what could happen to one of the kindest human beings you’d ever met. 

He catches your look, reaching out to gently nudge your shoulder. “Hey now, don’t worry Sunshine. I’ll be as safe as can be.” You offer him a smile, nodding. “So what about you? Going anywhere fun for the summer? Tom and Bailey mentioned something about you going to D.C.?”  

You shake your head. “Nah, nowhere fun. The D.C. trip kind of fell through and I couldn’t really afford it to begin with. I decided to renew the lease on my house with my roommate. I’ll just be working. Maybe doing research if my proposal gets approved.” 

His face brightens. “Hey, that’s great Sunshine! You get paid for that?” 

You nod. “Through the school, yeah. And that’s if they accept me.” 

“I have no doubt in my mind that they will.” He sighs, looking at you before biting his lip. “Hey Sunshine, about this morning, if I made you uncomfortable or-”

You shake your head. “No! No, I-” You cut yourself off, unsure of what to say to assure him that it wasn’t him, it was you. 

“I just wanted to apologize in case I made you uncomfortable. That’s the last thing I would want to do.” 

You take a shuddering breath at how kind he is, the way it makes your heart do silly little things, like want to reach over and kiss him, before you can bring yourself to respond. “Nope, you’re all good Bradshaw.” You say, forcing a smile. 

And you'd make it be good. 

-

“Sunshine, what are you doing?” 

You look up from where you’re setting up the pillows to Bradley, who’s just walked through the door. He’s wearing sweatpants tonight (albeit still no shirt) but you’re grateful nonetheless because maybe with pants on you’ll be able to maintain some semblance of normality around him. 

Kind of.

“Sunshine?” He asks again and you shake your head, looking back down at the decorative pillows you’d grabbed from the loveseat earlier. 

“I’m building a pillow wall. So that way we, you know, both get our own side of the bed, and there’s no accidental cuddling or anything.” 

He clears his throat awkwardly, an unusual blush rising on his cheeks. “Sunshine, I told you I was sorry about that.” 

You shrug. “And I told you it was fine. But problem solved.” 

Really, truly, honestly - it was boundary for you and you alone. You were afraid that if you woke up one more time to him cuddling you in nothing but his underwear, you do something stupid. Like kiss him or tell him about your stupid crush on him. 

Still, his jaw tenses, his hand twitching at his side. The two of you stand in awkward silence for a minute before he finally sighs. “Okay. Whatever you want.”

He walks the few paces towards the bed and then climbs in, pulling the covers all the way up to his chin, leaving you to get the lights. You sigh, walking towards the door and flicking them off. You walk around the bed to climb in on your side, curling up all the way at the very edge of the bed. 

The tension hangs in the room, his body stiff. You wait for him to tell you goodnight like he had the night before but he says nothing. 

It’s not long that the two of you are laying there before a loud cheer erupts from downstairs. 

Your friends had long passed the line between tipsy into drunk and both you and Bradley had tapped out when they started creeping into drunkenly obnoxious territory. 

“What the fuck are they doing down there?’ You ask, shifting slightly to look back towards the door. 

He grunts.

“Sorry.” You whisper, turning back around. “Good night Bradley.” 

“Night.” 

-

When Bradley wakes up, you’re all too aware of it, having tossed and turned all night long. You were surprised he didn’t kick you out of the bed from how much you had rolled around, although you’d tried to sit very still for as long as possible. 

At one point you even went to the bathroom just to sit so as not to bother him. Unfortunately, Eli came in not long after to puke so the reprieve was short-lived. 

A quick glance at the digital clock on the nightstand next to you tells you it’s only 6:10 am, far too early for Bradley to be up, and much less any of your friends who are definitely going to have hangovers. You shift slightly, watching as he sits up, pulling the comforter off of him. 

He gently pushes himself off the bed and softly pads towards the door, shutting it behind him with a gentle click. You hold your breath, waiting for him to return to the room, thinking he’s just peeing, but it’s only when you realize it’s 6:31 am that he’s not coming back. 

You groan, rolling back over as an ache settles in your chest. 

Maybe now you’d finally be able to get some sleep. 

-

When you’re awoken again, it’s to the sound of the door opening and someone saying your name. You groan, rolling over to the offender. You’re greeted by the sight of Bailey standing there with the door wide open. 

“Good. You’re alive.” 

“The fuck do you want?” You say through a yawn, a quick glance to the clock showing you it’s 11:17 am. 

“Everyone minus Madison is downstairs eating breakfast and then we’re all going to the lake.” 

“Where’s Madison?” You ask, not moving from the bed. 

“Violently hungover. Eli quote ‘puked and rallied’, but Tommy and I can hold our alcohol. We also had way less to drink than the other two.” 

You hum, but still make no move to get off the bed. She nods her head towards the downstairs. “C’mon, up and at ‘em.” 

“Can’t I join you guys later? I didn’t sleep very good last night.” 

Her eyes skim over the pillows next to you. “I can imagine, what with the great pillow wall of Lake Shenandoah. That Bradshaw’s idea?” 

“Mine.” 

She blows out a breath. “Explains why he was up at the ass crack of dawn. Even beat Tommy up. C’mon, he made sure we saved you some breakfast and a cup of coffee.” 

With a final groan, you push yourself off the bed and follow her into the hallway and down the stairs. The boys grin at the sight of you, Bradley even offering you a small smile over the rim of his coffee cup. 

“Hey sleeping beauty, thanks for joining us here in the land of the living.” Tommy teases. 

“Good afternoon.” Eli says, a smirk on his face. Your eyes flicker to the time on the oven (11:21 am) and then back to Eli’s face. 

“Fuck off, it’s not even noon yet.” 

“Practically could be.” 

“Good morning.” Bradley says softly as you approach the stove, picking up the coffee cup that’s sitting next to him. “Here, I save you the last cup of coffee although I wasn’t sure what you liked in it. And I made sure we saved you some breakfast: eggs, bacon, and hashbrowns. There’s also toast.” 

You don’t even have the heart to tell him that Bailey had already told you all of this, what with the way he’s looking at you so genuinely, so earnestly. “Thank you Bradley, really.”

Tommy clears his throat, standing up from the table. “Alright well, I’m ready to go down to the lake, if everybody else is.” There’s muttered agreement, your friends moving from their various places in the space. 

“You’ll come down and join us when you’re ready, right?” Bradley says, a little concern filtering into his tone. You muster up a smile, hands wrapping tighter around the coffee mug. 

“Will do Bradshaw.” 

You watch them from the window for the next hour, puttering around the kitchen as you clean up the dishes from breakfast. It’s the least you can do considering everyone else cooked. 

You were definitely not stalling, suddenly nervous to go outside to the lake in a bathing suit with all the boys, knowing they’d be looking at you. 

You still couldn’t forget the way Noah’s eyes had roamed over your body, saying it might be a little too much. 

That you were a little too much. 

You shake your head, squeezing your eyes shut as you braced yourself against the counter. 

You didn’t do that anymore. You hadn’t done that in months. They were your friends and they’d never make you feel small or uncomfortable or-

ugly. unwanted.

You’d packed both bathing suits you own, one more risqué than the other. Both were one-pieces, easy to cover-up in, but the words you ex-boyfriend had said to you about the one that showed off your chest and had an open back lingered in your mind, reassuring you that the simple suit was the much better option. 

You pull your hair back, sighing as you try to work up the nerve to go downstairs and outside. 

“Hey.” 

You turn, seeing Madison in the doorway. “Hey. You don’t look as awful as I thought you would.” 

She shrugs, leaning up against the doorway. “I think if I went outside, I’d throw up. But other than that, I’m definitely feeling better than I was at 9 am. Cute suit.” 

You look down, adjusting the strap of the blue-green clothing. “Thanks.” 

“I still like the red one better though.” 

“Yeah?” You ask, your teeth catching your bottom lip. 

She nods. “Yeah, I like the back on it and I think the color suits you a lot more.” 

“Should I change?” You ask, turning back around to look at yourself in the mirror. 

She shrugs. “Up to you. I’m going back to my cave of darkness.” 

You sigh, turning back towards your room to change into the other suit. 

You’d packed shorts and a t-shirt to go over the suit in case you did get insecure (you knew you would) and well- no one said you had to get in the lake, right?

You groan as you pause at the doors, suddenly wanting to turn around, go back to the bedroom, slip under the covers and hide. 

Because Bailey was Bailey. She had always reminded how pretty you were even when you couldn’t see it. 

And Tommy was Tommy. He saw you as a little sister, someone he could goof around with and build Legos with. 

And Eli could choke. 

But Bradley? 

It was important to you what Bradley thought of you. Especially in a bathing suit, because apparently you were twelve again, wanting the approval of the boys at the pool party.

You sigh as you slip out the French doors and out across the grass to where the group is located. Tommy’s a ways out, disappearing beneath the waves with every passing moment, brunette curls sticking his face. Bailey and Eli are stood on the edge of the shore, bickering. 

And there’s Bradley, sat in a camping chair, beer in hand. 

“Hey.” 

He looks up at you, face squinting from the bright sun overhead. “Hey. Why aren’t you changed?” 

You glance down at the t-shirt from your high school with the word S E N I O R S spelled out like the Friends logo. “Oh, I did, but I figured the lake might be cold...”

You can’t help but let your eyes roam over his body, the way his tan skin looks in the sunlight of the day. Where his once-wet curls are slowly drying, curling more than usual, especially around the nape of his neck. You can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to reach out and run your fingers through them. 

“It’s not that cold, honestly.” 

You nod absentmindedly, watching as Tommy swims closer to shore. You bite your lip as Tommy hoists himself up on the deck that sits out over the lake. 

These were your friends, but even you weren’t blind to the fact that they were all a great-looking group of people. And they’d never make you feel small. But it was hard not to feel insecure standing next to guys and girls who got everyone they wanted, Bradley included. 

“You coming back out Bradshaw?” Tommy calls. He looks up to you, pulling his sunglasses off. 

“Depends. You gonna join us?” 

You blow out a breath. “Yeah, I guess I could come sit for a little while.” 

The two of you head down towards the dock, as you try to remind yourself that it doesn’t matter what Bradley Bradshaw thinks of you in a bathing suit. You woke up to him cuddling you the other day; how could it get any worse?

You follow him down towards the lack, the grass beneath your feet tickling slightly. 

Memories of summers spent in your back yard, running through the hose with your siblings, flash through your brain. The nostalgic ache for the familiar itch of grass on your bare legs and laughter settles in your chest as you watch Bradley cannon ball into the lake with Eli.  

You swallow as Bailey tugs your arm, dragging you further on to the deck. “C’mon, get in the water with me.” 

“Um-” You say, eyes flickering back over to the boys, Tommy diving into the water and popping up next to Eli and Bradley. “What if they say something about-”

You cut yourself off, unable to bring yourself to say the words, but you know she understands anyways. 

She raises an eyebrow, giving you an unimpressed look. “I’ll cut their dicks off if they do.” 

The words punch a laugh out of you, some of your nerves going with it. You had known Bailey long enough to know that that was a threat she’d follow through on. 

You shake your head, already reaching to pull your shirt off. “Okay, okay.” You pull your shorts off, walking further down the deck with Bailey by your side as the boys attention drifts to you. 

It takes everything in you not to shrink back as you watch Bradley’s eyes go wide. Eli catches the moment, whispering something only him and Tommy can hear, causing Bradley to punch his shoulder before tipping his head back into the water. 

Your mouth suddenly tastes sour, your self-consciousness rising through your stomach and up into your throat as you near the edge of the deck, realizing they’re all watching you. 

It almost makes you want to turn around and go back into the house, but you don’t get a chance as Bailey is grabbing your hand. “On the count of three, okay?” 

“Wait-”

“One.”

“No, Bailey-” 

“Two.” 

“I don’t want to-”

“Three!” She shouts, leaving you with no choice but to jump with her for fear of being tugged off the deck if you didn't.

The water is cold against your skin as you preemptively scrunch up your face, hoping to keep the water out of your eyes. 

You gasp for breath you break the surface, hair already clinging to your back as you blink, searching for your friends. 

A splash of water catches your attention, causing you to turn your head. It’s Bailey, popping up after you. “That was fun.” 

“For one of us.” 

She lets out a little laugh, offering you a shrug. It’s quiet for a minute as the two of you try to catch your breath before she nods towards the boys, signaling to head over to them. “Thanks for joining us on this trip.” 

You nod as the two of you move towards the boys. “Thanks for inviting me.” 

“We’re happy to have you here.” 

-

A few hours later, you watch the sun begin to set in the distance, the orange hues settling across the lake in ripples. You take a deep breath as you admire the view, the distant conversation not even distracting you. 

Until there’s a particularly loud splash of water. 

You turn, spotting Eli swim away from Bailey as fast as he can. 

Bradley floats over to you as you watch Bailey try to shove Eli under the water as she catches up to him. “Hey, your strap is all twisted.” He says, pointing to the top of your suit. 

You look down, realizing it’s twisted all the way to the back. “Oh shit. Do you think you could untwist it for me? I don’t think I’ll be able to get it.” 

He nods, swimming a little bit closer to reach out for your shoulder. “It’s a nice suit, by the way.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, the color looks good on you.” He says, pulling away and offering you a small smirk.

You think your cheeks are as red as the suit adorning your body. 

-

You pad down the stairs, wet hair falling over your shoulder where the water seeps into your UVA t-shirt. Bradley’s alone in the kitchen, cooking dinner. He looks up at the noise, smiling at the sight of you. “Hey.” 

“Smells good.” You say, walking further into the kitchen. He nods. 

“Yeah, I wanted to do something a little bit more involved for dinner tonight since I’m pretty sure I’m the only one in our friend group who can actually cook besides Madison and she’s still hungover.” 

“You want help?” 

“Actually, yeah, could you help me cut the bell peppers? It would really speed things along.” You nod, taking the knife from him, even though you have no idea what the proper way way to slice a bell pepper is.

It couldn’t be that hard, right?

You stand there, examining the vegetable in your hand as you debate the best way to approach this, desperately wanting to not fuck it up. 

“You know what you’re doing there?” He asks, eyebrows raised. You point the knife at him. 

“Hey, I might not have the cooking skills of Madison but I think I can figure out how to cut a bell pepper.” 

There’s a pause as he stares at you. “You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?” 

“Absolutely not.” 

He chuckles, shaking his head. “Here, I’ll show you.” His voice is void of a condescending tone, which you appreciate. 

He takes one of your hands, curling your fingers inward. “See, you always want to have your fingers curled inward, otherwise you run the risk of chopping your fingers off.” You nod as he takes the hand, setting it on the bell pepper while the other hand guides the hand the knife is in. “You’re just gonna cut the bottom and top off like this.” He says, demonstrating the movements. 

His skin feels warm against yours as you desperately try not to lean into him, his chest pressed against your back. “Where’d you learn how to cook Bradshaw?” 

The question is meant to be teasing but your tone ends up being more genuine as you feel him chuckle, chest vibrating. “My Mom. She always made me help her cook growing up. It was a way for us to bond. Food kind of brought us together, I guess.” 

“She sounds like she’s a great woman.” You whisper, tilting your head just enough to look in his yes. 

A flash of pain crosses his face, even as he returns your smile. “She was.” he says softly. “I wish you could’ve met her. She would’ve loved you.” 

You swallow, realizing how close the two of you are. How vulnerable he’s being and how much you just want to reach up and-

He clears his throat, ducking his head. “Anyways, um, you just cut the inside pieces of like this and then cut it into slices.” 

You nod, blinking at the sudden change in tone and body language, the wya he had rushed walking you through the second half of the process. “Alright, thanks.” 

He gives you a small smile, stepping out of your space. “No problem.” 

The two of you work alongside each other, the only sound coming from Bradley humming to the ABBA songs playing from the small speaker in the corner of the kitchen. As you cut the bell peppers, you think about the way Bradley hasn’t called you Sunshine since before “the great wall of Lake Shenandoah” as Bailey insisted on calling it, the way he’d made sure to keep his distance. 

In an effort to keep yourself under control, you’d somehow managed to make things worse.

Yet, he’d still saved you breakfast and was teaching you how to cut bell peppers. The kindness in his eyes whenever he looked at you made your chest ache, and honestly all you wanted to do was to make things not be weird. 

“Hey, do you think you could-” 

“Bradley, I’m sorry I made things weird or like- awkward between us.” 

He pauses from where he’s fiddling with he stove, eyes going wide. “What?”

You sigh, gaze dropping down to the knife sitting on the cutting board. “I’m sorry if my- my stupid pillow wall made things weird between us.” 

He shrugs, turning back to the stove. “We’re good.” 

“We’re not good. You haven’t called me Sunshine since before our walk back to the cabin yesterday after the failed hike and I don’t know- it feels a little strange.” 

He huffs out a breath, keeping his back turned to you. “Fine, Sunshine, there we go, easy fix. Can you please get the sour cream and cheese from the fridge?” 

You comply, setting the food on the counter before you walk over to him, standing next to him in front of the tiny stove space. “Bradley-” 

He sighs, keeping his eyes trained firmly on the cooking chicken and veggies. “Sunshine, I just- The last thing I ever want to do is make you feel uncomfortable. I know it’s not any of my business, but I know Noah wasn’t-” He pauses, jabbing at the mixture in the pan. “I know Noah wasn’t good to you and the last thing I want to do to is put you in a position to feel like you have to put up with a man who makes you uncomfortable for the sake of your friends, like you did with him.” 

Despite yourself, you let out a little laugh. “Bradley, what?” 

“It’s not funny.” 

“I mean, it is, honestly. It’s laughable because you and Noah aren’t even in the same stratosphere of human beings-” He shoots you a look, cutting off the laughter bubbling out of you. “Oh, Bradley, c’mon I’m serious. You’re actually a good person, not like him who was just born as an asshole.”

“Sunshine, I’m serious.” 

You feel like you forget how to breathe with the way he’s looking at you, suddenly ignoring the cooking food. 

“Okay, I-” You pause, trying to take a deep breath. “Bradley, I didn’t keep him around because of my friends.”

“Yeah? Not even after he dumped you and broke your heart?” He asks, frowning.

You bite your lip, looking down to the browning veggies. “I- Yeah, okay I did. But I- if you made me uncomfortable, especially like he did, I never would’ve agreed to come on this trip, much less share a bed with you.”

He turns the stove off wordlessly, pulling the food as he sets it to the side before turning to look you in the eye. “You promise?” 

You sigh, stepping forward to rest your hands on his biceps. “I promise.” 

-

You can hear the laughter echo from the cabin, all the way by the French doors as you slip out, Madison offering you a thumbs up and Bailey and Tommy giving you all-knowing grins. 

You roll your eyes, pulling your jacket around you tighter as you lightly pad down the steps and across the grass to the fire pit where Eli and Bradley sit. You can hear the low mutter of their conversation as you approach, almost making you second-guess yourself. 

“Sorry, am I interrupting?” 

Both boys turn in their chairs to face you. Eli offers you a small smile, shaking his head. “Not at all Sunshine.” His voice is teasing, the nickname sounding strange coming from someone who wasn’t Bradley. “I was just headed back inside.” 

You nod, taking Eli’s place next to Bradley as he passes by you, walking back towards the cabin. Bradley doesn’t say anything, just kicks his feet up to sit on the edge of the fire pit. The only sounds come from the birds above and the crackling of the fire in front of you. 

“You know what I like about us?” 

You hum, eyes still watching the flames dance in front of you. 

“I like that no matter what, we can always sit in silence together and it not weird or awkward, it’s just comfortable. I can just be.” 

You lift your head to smile at him. There’s another pause as he opens another beer from the cooler by his feet. 

“Can I ask you a question?” 

He nods, taking a sip of his drink. “Anything, Sunshine.” 

“Why are you so fond of Eli?” 

He raises an eyebrow, tilting his head at the question, and lets out a little chuckle, almost nervous. “I’m gonna tell you a story, Sunshine, and it’s not one that I tell very many people.” 

You nod, keeping eye contact with him. “I’m listening.” 

You almost think he whispers “I know.” under his breath before he sighs, shifting to rest his arms on his knees. “When I came to UVA, I was in a pretty dark place. I’d just-” He cuts himself off, mouth beginning to frown. “I’d just been dealing with a lot of family issues and personal stuff. Which is vague, I know. Um- to save you the pain of listening to my issues, I can sum it up with the fact that my Mom had just died, just before my senior year. I was alone and on my own and I knew it. But uhm- there was that kid on the first day of Spanish 1, my partner for the icebreakers. And I didn’t want to share or really even talk to this kid, but there was just- No matter how upset I was, he just- man Sunshine he just kept making me laugh.” 

He pauses as he takes a sip of his beer. “Those are the best kinds of friendships.” You whisper. 

He nods. “They are. They’re my favorite kind. But-” He says, tilting his head again in acknowledgement of his words. “I get that he’s not like that with everyone. We gelled from the very beginning and I’ve never thought twice about him. His family has welcomed me into their home and their vacations, into their lives and love. He’s always had my back, no questions asked. But he’s a dick to a lot of people and I do know that.” He takes a deep breath, shifting on his chair. “He’s a dick to you, and I know that.”

You shift on your chair, suddenly uncomfortable with the way this conversation is going. “I didn’t mean to make this about how he treats me-”

Bradley shakes his head, cutting you off. “It’s not a justification but- Eli’s family, they come from old money. And I mean like, old money. And the way he was raised- the sheer competition to be better, always better, it bleeds into who he is as an adult. He likes people who can challenge him—I think it’s why he keeps going back to Bailey despite all the bickering—but I think in all the worst ways possible, you remind him of his sister. Younger and yet somehow always better. Always destined for more.” 

Your cheeks warm at his words, watching him lean back in his chair. “He’s a good person at his core. He knows when people are in need and he does his best to help them. But—and again, this isn’t to excuse or justify it—it doesn’t change the fact that you’re brilliant Sunshine. You have the whole world at your feet and we all know it. And for whatever Eli ends up doing, he knows that you will do more.”

-

You rub your lips together as you snap the lid on the chapstick shut. You take one last look at yourself in the mirror, your UVA sweatshirt pulled on with a pair of old sweats before flicking the light off. 

You move to open the door, to head back downstairs and outside to join all your friends at the fire pit , when you hear the door down the hall open, the sound of Eli and Bradley arguing following it. 

“-Bradshaw, all I’m saying is that, if you were to have feelings for her, I think you should go for it.” 

You furrow your eyebrows, stepping closer to the door. You felt a bit bad, eavesdropping on their conversation, but the thought Bradley might have a crush on some girl made your stomach churn in the worst ways. 

He wasn’t yours to lose and yet- 

Your train of thought is cut off by the sound of Bradley groaning, his footsteps stopping at the top of the stairs. “Where the fuck is this even coming from, Eli?” 

Eli’s footsteps stop and you hear him sigh. “She’s really good for you Bradley.”

“Okay?” 

“I just think you’d be better off admitting that you have feelings for your Sunshine. Even just to yourself.” 

Your entire body freezes. 

“I don’t like her like that!” Bradley exclaims and you swear your heart stops beating for a minute. 

Distantly, you realize they must think you’re outside with the group, or they’d never be having this conversation with you near. 

“You’re fucking impossible Bradley, you know that? Sunshine is halfway in love with you and you won’t even entertain the possibility of it?” 

“Entertain it? I don’t like her like that. She’s my friend.”

Eli snorts. “Sure, keep fucking tell yourself that Bradshaw. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.” 

The words trigger a memory, words Bailey had said to you at the very beginning of the trip. 

Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. 

Horror and embarrassment floods over you as you realize they had set you up. They’d taken your crush on Bradley and had set you up.

The whole trip had been a set up. 

“It’s not denial. I honestly don’t even know if I’d classify her as my friend. I’d say she’s probably more Tommy’s friend than anything.” He says the words so casually, yet you’d been around him long enough to recognize the defensive tone hidden in his words. 

Still, it makes your entire body go cold as you realized you’d been right all along. 

Eli sighs, and then there’s a long pause between them as your heart beats rapidly in your chest, tears pricking at your eyes. 

“Whatever Bradshaw, it’ll be your loss when she’s the one who got away.” 

Bradley splutters but he follows Eli’s footsteps down the stairs. 

You strain your ears for the sound of the French door shutting before you let yourself breath, mind whirring at what had just happened. 

Part of you desperately wants you to believe that this hadn’t been a set-up, something done to embarrass you. That your friends wanted you here, not what they thought you could be for Bradley. 

Part of you wonders if it had all been a joke, a gotcha moment while they laugh at your humiliation. 

You become more horrified as you play the trip back in your head, realizing it wasn’t that Bradley hadn’t wanted to make you uncomfortable.

He didn’t want you to get the wrong idea. 

You begin to feel empty as the words play on repeat in your head, realizing that without a doubt, no matter what you felt for him, Bradley Bradshaw felt nothing for you. 

-

You hear the door to the bedroom open some hours later as you squeeze your eyes shut, clutching the comforter around you tighter as if it can protect you. 

After overhearing Eli and Bradley’s conversation, you had gone back to your room, slipping under the covers as you suppressed your tears. You hadn’t want them to come back into the house and find you in the state you were in. 

Eventually, the emotion had left you, just leaving you emotionally exhausted while unable to sleep. 

“Sunshine?” Comes the whispered voice of Bradley as light floods the room. “You awake?” 

You measure your breathing and he must buy it, because he shuts the door, slipping into the bed next to you, smelling distantly of campfire. 

You resist a shudder, almost instinctively wanting to lean into the smell and roll over and cuddle him. Let him pull you close like he did that first morning. Let him run his fingers through your hair and tell your everything will be okay. 

It’s quiet in the room as you beg sleep to come to you, yet it is painfully out of your reach. Your brain won’t stop replaying the words from earlier, how Bradley had said we’re just friends, but really if anything, she’s Tommy’s friend.

You hear the sheets move as Bradley shifts, rolling from his side to his back. The movement pulls you from your thoughts, forcing you to steady your breath, as you will yourself to be still. “Are you awake?” His voice is barely a whisper, not wanting to wake you if you’re asleep.You can’t be sure, but you almost think you hear his head move to face your back. You bite your lip, wanting to ignore him, but it’s his soft “Sunshine?” that makes your resolve crumble. 

“Yeah.” You finally whisper back. 

“You wanna go look at the stars?” He asks in the same quiet tone. You finally turn, almost rolling over on to his hand that’s splayed out on the sheets. He is looking at you, you note. 

“Yeah.”

You aren’t sure what you’re doing, knowing what was said that night, but there’s some part of you that’s aching to be closer to him. To reassure yourself that you were still friends and maybe, just maybe, there was a sliver of a chance. 

And that was the part that was winning out. 

“Grab a jacket.” He whispers as you slip your shoes on. You slip the jacket around your shoulders, bracing yourself for the cold you know you’ll be stepping out into. You are both quiet walking down the stairs, catching sight of the lights on under both sets of doors. He gently opens the door, holding it open for you. “After you.”

You snort, stepping out into the chilly air of the night. “And they say chivalry is dead.” 

“You wanna go for a walk by the lake?” He asks, shutting the door behind you. 

“Yeah, sure, why not.” 

The night is quiet, the stars twinkling overhead as the two of you walk. 

“Orion was my favorite constellation growing up, probably because it was the only one I could recognize.”

You’re not sure why you’re sharing the information with him, knowing you originally told yourself you’d keep your distance from him. 

He smiles at you. “It was one of the first ones I learned in Boy Scouts.”

“You seem the Boy Scouts type.” 

He snorts. “I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.” 

You shrug one of your shoulders. “It’s just a neutral thing, I think.” 

He nods. “Hey, thanks for coming with us on the trip. It was fun to have you around.” 

You swallow at the words, wanting to tell him he was a liar and he knew it. 

Instead you shrug again. “You know me, just happy to be invited.” 

“I think it’s good for me to be surrounded by good people you know? Especially before I leave in a few months.” 

You hum, not trusting your voice. 

Good people. He meant Tommy. Tommy and Madison. Tommy and Madison and Bailey. Tommy and Madison and Bailey and yes, even Eli. 

You wouldn’t make the mistake of thinking he meant you. 

“Can I admit something?” he says, voice suddenly small. It catches your attention, causing you to look up at him. 

“Of course.” You whisper, stopping to watch him. 

“Is it weird to admit that I’m scared?” He asks, voice a little breathless. 

“Scared... of me?” You ask, furrowing your eyebrows.

“No. No!″ He almost shouts, holding his hands out. “God no, never of you. I’m- It’s gonna sound so stupid.”

“It won’t.” You say firmly. 

“I’m terrified of my future. I- I know I was the one who choose it but- what if I’m not good enough? What if-” He ducks his head, sucking in a breath. “What if this is it? What if this is the best I’m ever gonna get?” 

The wind feels knocked from your chest as you stumble forward, reaching out for him. “Bradley.” You whisper, taking his hand. “Bradley, no.” 

His shrugs, eyes watering. “I’m just scared.” 

You offer him a sad smile squeezing his hand. “I think- I think it’s okay to be scared. You’re doing something scary! Going after your dreams is the most terrifying thing in the world, but if you didn’t, if you never knew, you’d always wonder what if.” 

He sucks in a breath through his teeth, not meeting your eye. “Thanks Sunshine.” 

“Bradley, you deserve the whole world. You are going to accomplish so much and the rest of us are just lucky to know you and your greatness. We’re all better for knowing you.” 

He lets out a choked chuckle, pulling you into a hug before you can even protest. His grip is tight around you and you hesitantly reach up, wrapping your arms around his larger frame. 

You frown into his jacket as you stand there, knowing in your heart that no matter how Bradley Bradshaw feels about you, you will always love him. 

[purpleajisai]

Madara Week Day 2 - Christ/Antichrist

The Saviour of this World and the Christ: A comparative analysis of Madara Uchiha and Jesus Christ

It’s Christmas time. Christians all over the world are preparing themselves for what they consider one of the most joyful holidays in the year: the birth of the Messiah, He who came to redeem the world. Meanwhile, the Madara enthusiasts are making a countdown for the birthday of the man who tried to save the ninja world by sacrificing his very self. In this meta, I intend to explain the connections, similarities and differences between Madara Uchiha and Jesus Christ that I’ve found over the years. I would also recommend to read “Is Madara our Lord and Saviour?” by @al-hekima-madara-blog for another very interesting meta on the topic. This is my contribution to day 2 of Madara Week, hosted by @uchiha-event.

A quick note before I start my rambling: I will be using the Douay-Rheims translation of the Bible (Roman Catholic translation), but there shouldn’t be any problem for readers of Protestant background as the difference between the Bibles used by both denominations are in the Old Testament and our focus will be the New Testament.

“I am here to save the world”

Naruto Shippuden, chapter 677

For God sent not his Son into the world, to judge the world, but that the world may be saved by him.

John 3:17

What is the purpose of Madara in this story? One would be tempted to say “because every shonen needs a villain”, but I think his purpose as a character was to expose the flaws within the shinobi system that ultimately corrupted a man who desired peace into someone whose sense of reality became so warped by the situations in his life that he started a war to achieve said peace. Madara didn’t make the Eye of the Moon plan to be evil and act dramatic, he made it with the final objective of launching an eternal dream that would guarantee no more conflict and the ideal life for anyone within it. He’s already been past judging the world, he wants to save it at the expense of himself. This is similar to how God is presented in the Old Testament compared to the New Testament: we first see a God who insists that his law is followed and that chastises those who trespass and disobey in several ocassions. But once we reach the New Testament, he becomes a loving figure that intends to save people from eternal doom in hell (”reality is hell”, anyone?). The point is that we have a man whose purpose in the world is to cleanse all forms of evil thorugh his being and who wants to bring salvation to anyone, regardless if the world agrees or not.

“I come here to bring you light and joy in a life that’s beyond this reality”

Naruto Shippuden, chapter 626

Jesus said to her: I am the resurrection and the life: he that believeth in me, although he be dead, shall live.

John 11:25

What does Madara mean when he says that “you can’t see it”? After following the storyline we conclude that he’s talking about the Eye of the Moon plan. Let’s add some tangents here, the people who were directly involved in the plan and helped Madara one way or another. They had no clue about what would happen exactly but they were convinced by the prospect of a peaceful life free of their struggles. In a certain way, they believed in Madara. The exact same thing can be seen with Jesus, who promises eternal life beyond the death of the physical body. Nobody knows how Heaven looks like but the believers trust him on that promise.

“I bring peace”

Naruto Shippuden, chapter 661

These things I have spoken to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you shall have distress: but have confidence, I have overcome the world

John 16:33

Notice how Madara refers to the current state of the shinobi world as “Hashirama’s world”? In Christianity and the Bible, it is a common practice to separate “the world” and “the believers” as entities with entirely different mindsets and values. Madara sees the world as direct consequence of his nemesis, Hashirama, just as Christians see the evil in the world as the direct consequence of the sins of Lucifer. To “overcome the world”, when applied to Madara, refers to how he intends to use a power whose source is unknown (the power of the Sage of Six Paths) in order to end the paradox of Hashirama’s world. He is going to achieve peace to overwrite the current world and install his own world where the paradox is solved.

“I intend for you to acquire new identity within me”

Naruto Shippuden, chapter 665

If then any be in Christ a new creature, the old things are passed away, behold all things are made new.

2 Corinthians 5:17

And I live, now not I; but Christ liveth in me. And that I live now in the flesh: I live in the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and delivered himself for me.

Galatians 2:20

I picked two of the letters in the New Testament in purpose, you may have noticed that the previous quotes come from the Gospel of John. Because the Gospel of John is a retelling of what Jesus did and said, whereas the letters (mostly from the apostle Paul) are reflections of the lives of the apostles after Jesus was gone. Similarly, Obito becomes Madara once Madara dies in the cave and walks in his shoes. Yesterday, I wrote a bit more about how Madara decomposed his humanity for the sake of his dream of peace. Here, we have Madara giving up his identity to anyone who embraces his goal, similarly to how Jesus signifies a brotherhood of believers. Madara also never writes down his autobiography or gets a space to present his POV, just as how all of what we know from Jesus is from the people close to him, not by his own word. In a sense, both become an entity for like-minded people to work towards a certain goal.

Thank you for reading this far, if you have any questions please use the ask box. It’s always a pleasure to have discussions and to talk about my favourite anime emo man.

[enigmaticexplorer]

I Yearn, and so I Fear - Part II - Chapter IX

Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

General Summary. Nearly a year since the Galactic Empire’s rise to power, Kazi Ennari is trying to survive. But her routine is interrupted—and life upended—when she’s forced to cohabitate with former Imperial soldiers. Clone soldiers. 

Pairing. Commander Wolffe x female!OC

General Warnings. Canon-typical violence and assault, familial struggles, terminal disease, bigotry, explicit sexual content, death. This story deals with heavy content. If you’re easily triggered, please do not read. For a more comprehensive list of tags, click here.

Fic Rating. E (explicit)/18+/Minors DNI.

Chapter Word Count. 4K

Beta. @starstofillmydream

“To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.” – Bertrand Russel

22 Helona

The lake was nestled in a clearing down the hill from the house.

Kazi discovered it the first week she moved to Eluca. Fehr said the lake was an old fishing hole used for sport; however, over the decades, the fish population deteriorated and died. Today, the sole creatures that visited the lake were various aquatic birds and the occasional frog.  

Roughly a hundred meters in length, the lake’s deepest point was no more than six meters. The water was translucent blue, a unique feature most Elucan lakes claimed. Even the pit of the lake was visible and served as an illusion, making it appear shallower than it truly was. Fehr had warned her about the deception, and Kazi had made sure Neyti knew to never visit the lake alone.

Beneath a gray sky bloated with coming rain, Kazi swam laps. 

The swim was, obviously, different than her morning swims on Ceaia. Fresh water. Visible depths. Water contained. Waves and currents a nonexistent issue. Sometimes a monkey perched on the branches of the trees overlooking the water and appraised her routine. The brown, furry creatures scurried away the moment she noticed them. 

Lazily backstroking, Kazi studied the skies above. Her neck still ached and the skin was raw. Bruises still painted her skin purple and blue. She couldn’t even swim properly—twisting her neck to the side to breathe hurt too much, which was why she had taken to backstrokes. She needed a bacta salve if she wanted the bruises to heal quickly. But bacta was too expensive. 

Carefully regulated by the Empire, bacta could only be found on the black market. It was one of the Empire’s first laws—to prevent “Separatist rebels” from receiving efficient medical care. 

All bacta production sites were managed by the Imps, and a large purchase flagged Imperial security systems. Only med centers and military bases received a substantial amount of bacta supply, and even those were carefully documented. Planetary systems could request large quantities separate from med centers, but it was unlikely the Empire would supply them. 

One of the benefits of Ceaian culture was the emphasized importance of apothecaries and herbal medicine. Hence Daria’s bruise salve Kazi used last night and this morning. Herbal medicine wasn’t effective like bacta. But it was more useful than nothing. 

Another lap completed, body fatigued and stomach cramping from renewed menstrual pain, Kazi called it. She surveyed the darkening sky once more and then started toward the shore. Until she noticed the person sitting on the log where she kept her shoes and towel. 

Unease pinched her stomach. She inhaled a slow breath to calm the sudden race of her heart. Wolffe was watching her, his expression unreadable. 

The fallen log bordered the edge of the lake, water lapping at its smooth trunk. Kazi stalked through the thigh-high water and stopped a meter before Wolffe.

“What are you doing here?”

Rather than his usual morning attire, he was outfitted in gray sweats and a black long-sleeve. Dark marks smeared his under-eyes and the lines on his face were more pronounced. He looked tired. Like he hadn’t slept. And yet his gaze remained as attentive as ever.

Forearms pressed to his thighs, Wolffe scanned the lake. He seemed to be intentionally avoiding her direction. “Why do you swim?”

His purposeful ignorance irked her and she rolled her eyes, glaring at the trees behind him.

“I like the water.” Sliding into her flipflops, she grabbed her towel and wrapped it around her body. “My father took me sailing almost every day. And since I can’t sail here, I might as well swim.”

Finally, Wolffe looked at her. “Is your father on Ceaia?”

“He’s dead.” Kazi considered him. “He died when I was ten. It’s been a long time.”

An uncomfortably long moment passed. Wolffe searched her face. The assessment in his gaze felt like a knife cutting into her, peeling her open. 

A breeze, chillier than usual, whispered along her skin and she fought a shiver. 

“Your mother—”

“Is dead. Everyone is dead.” She didn’t like this line of questioning, and she didn’t like the calculation in his expression. “Loss is a normal part of life and some have experienced it more than others. As you’re familiar with.”

His lips pressed in a disapproving line. “I don’t want your pity—”

“Likewise.”

“I was asking to figure you out—”

“It’s really none of your business.”

Wolffe pushed himself to his feet. “You say that a lot.” 

They were standing far too close and Kazi wanted to step back. To create distance. Wolffe was taller than her. Broad shoulders and healthy fat sculpted the body of a battle-hardened soldier. This close proximity was intimidating, but her pride kept her glued to her spot.

“You tell me it’s not my business,” Wolffe said, voice low and edged with restraint. “But you come back here with a fucking handprint on your neck, Ennari. Tell me how that’s not my business.”

Kazi stilled. Her teeth gritted.

“I have assumptions.” Wolffe ran his tongue along his teeth. “None of them are good.”

“If it’s your brothers’ safety you’re worried about,” she said, “I can assure you I haven’t betrayed you—”

“Don’t. Don’t do that.” The annoyance in his tone was overt and he released a sardonic exhale. “I thought we were past that.”

“I did too,” she said sharply. “But you’re out here, in my space, accusing me—” 

“I’m not accusing you of anything,” he snarled. “You have a handprint on your fucking neck and I need to know what happened.”

“And I told you it doesn’t concern you or your brothers, so you can fuck off—”

“You can trust me.” Wolffe worked his jaw, his voice quieting. “I want you to trust me.”

Shaking her head, Kazi looked toward the lake, toward the visible depths where sunken trees and aquatic plants mossed the lake floor. 

It wasn’t a question of trust. More a question of her own pride. She didn’t want Wolffe to know what happened yesterday simply because she was too raw from it. Not yet disconnected and numb. 

A look in the mirror this morning was too much. She saw a broken version of herself—eyes sunken, skin dull, mouth flattened. The woman she saw this morning was a version of herself she worked hard to hide from the world. 

A woman who yearned for things she didn’t deserve. A woman who wanted so much and yet refused to accept good things out of fear they would disappear. A woman who was tired and no longer wanted to rely on herself. 

For a majority of her life, Kazi had carefully cultivated and nourished a façade. A façade of disinterest, aloofness, and absolute control over her emotions. She was unflappable and independent. Disciplined and level-headed. She bore responsibility for Neyti and Daria; she couldn’t be weak and broken. 

But it was lonely. To rely on herself, to maintain the pretense she was competent and in control. Perfect.

It was so fucking lonely. 

“I told you,” Kazi murmured, eyes fixed on Wolffe’s shoulder, “it doesn’t concern you.”

“What do you want?” Wolffe lowered his head, forcing her to meet his gaze. “Do you want me to beg?”

She recoiled. “No.” 

“Tell me what I need to do to learn what happened.”

“I don’t understand why you want to know.” She released a shaky breath. “I can handle it on my own.”

“That’s the problem with you.” Wolffe cut a hand through his hair. “I don’t doubt your competence. But if you’re being abused by the network, we’re going to have a problem—”

“It was the magistrate.” She glanced at the surrounding trees again. “Not the network. They wouldn’t do that—”

Wolffe scoffed. “Those people have a goal in mind. And they’ll use whoever they can to achieve it. Even at the expense of your life.”

The truth in his words was brutal, but Kazi had always assumed it of the network. It was easier to pretend the rebels were moralistic. That they were the opposite of the Empire and would never use people to their advantage. Refusing to acknowledge the truth allowed her to pretend she wasn’t digging her own grave. 

“It wasn’t them,” she said.

Tentative fingers lifted her chin. Wolffe eyed her neck, his focus intense. “Was he trying to kill you?”

“I don’t know.” Softly, a finger traced her bruises and she swallowed. “He’s paranoid. He doesn’t know who he can trust. I think he was trying to threaten me to convince me of my loyalty to him.”

“I have bacta—”

Pulling away, she frowned. “How?”

“Our missions aren’t solely rescue-based.” He shrugged. “We do have a need for certain resources.”

It made sense. He and his brothers needed the efficacy bacta provided. 

“Save it,” she said. “For something more important.”

Wolffe cocked a brow. “Do you really want Neyti to see that?”

“Of course not,” she said. “But I have clothes that can hide it.”

Seemingly unconvinced, Wolffe looked away, rolling his shoulders back. The silence between them was awkward and strained. 

“Quit your job.”

The statement caught her off guard and she blinked dubiously at Wolffe. The seriousness in his features, the insistence in his tone, made her retreat a step. 

“I can’t.” She gestured to the house behind him. “I have to work to provide for my family. And I’m spying for the network.”

“The network is dangerous. You know that. You don’t owe them anything.”

“Do you really believe they’ll let me go?” She smiled ruefully at his stony scowl. “Unless I left Eluca, they won’t let me quit.”

Moving wasn’t an option either. Both she and Wolffe knew it. The information she had on the network, even if it were minimal and her interactions confined to few members, was a problem. The network wouldn’t risk their existence for a single person.

Kazi shrugged. “Like I said, it’s—”

“Don’t tell me it’s not my concern.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “The magistrate is looking into deserted clones. He suspects a spy in the Institute. Lack of information about possible rebel spies and deserted clones will further increase his paranoia. All of this concerns me.”

“I’m doing what I can,” she said defensively. “I think this was a fluke. He believes I’m loyal and it won’t happen again.”

“And what if he doubts you again? What happens then?” His gaze returned to her neck and his nostrils flared. “You could have died—”

“I know.” Her voice was trembling but she couldn’t stop it. A phantom touch—like the magistrate’s hand was once more squeezing her neck—brushed her skin. “I was the one there. I know what could have happened.”

“We can get you out—” 

“And take me where?” Throwing up her hands, she laughed. “There’s nowhere else to go.”

“There are remote places—”

“Yes, there are. Planets without the education Neyti needs. Planets without the medical care my sister needs.”

A muscle flexed in his jaw. “This is dangerous.”

“Your missions are dangerous. I don’t understand how this is any different.”

“Because it’s my life on the line,” he snapped. “And my life doesn’t mat—”

An uncomfortable grimace contorted his features and Wolffe scowled at a point behind her. Kazi could only stare at him, too tired to respond, too numb to comfort. Anyway, she doubted Wolffe would care for her response. He despised pity.  

A handful of raindrops pricked her arms. Small and cold. Just like how she felt on the inside.

“If something happens to me,” she started, voice brittle. Empty. “Will you make sure Neyti and Daria are okay?”

Wolffe exhaled a strained breath, rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes returned to hers. His gaze was unwavering. He studied her for a long time; she was surprised there was anything left to see.

“Nothing’s going to happen to you, Ennari.” He squared his shoulders. “Nothing.”

The static of galactic news hummed in the sunroom. Clouds a dark gray, like the charcoal used to start a fire, layered the sky. Hours ago, solid sheets of rain watered the jungle’s rolling hills. Now, the skies were somber. The quiet and emptiness after a good cry. 

Kazi stood at the windows overlooking the dreary afternoon. Tucked among the knee-high ferns sat Neyti and, to her bemusement, Nova. The man held a neatly tied collection of bird feathers. A myriad of colors, from moonless black to opaque white to a rainbow of blues and indigos, the feathers ranged in length and thickness. 

Nova said something to Neyti. The youngling scrutinized the feathers, eyebrows knitted and mouth wrinkled. She reached for the largest feather, cerulean blue with sketched lines of black. 

Nodding, Nova set the feathers on the ground, all except for the cerulean one. He stroked a finger down the rachis, and then offered the feather to Neyti who mimicked. A small, toothless smile lit her face.

Kazi felt herself smile similarly.

From the kitchen, a timer beeped. Muffled voices spoke and a quiet laugh drifted to the sunroom. Daria was teaching Cody one of the sisters’ favorite recipes—Ceaian sea-cakes, a traditional breakfast more common during the winter holidays. 

Why Daria wanted to teach Cody the recipe was beyond Kazi. The dish was nothing more than tradition—even if it was a staple of their childhood—and tradition only those from Ceaia could appreciate. She doubted Cody had any interest in Ceaian culture. Why would he care?

A twist of the radio and the staticky voices loudened. 

“…in an astonishing turn of events, Emperor Palpatine made an unannounced appearance at the Galactic Senate…

“…after the shocking news that an Imperial admiral ordered the destruction of Kaminoan cities…  

“Emperor Palpatine was quoted: ‘With this momentous act, we shall usher in a new era. Heralded by the Imperial stormtrooper.’...” 

Searching the backyard, Kazi redirected her attention to Wolffe. Beneath a canopy of thick trees, he and Fox had outlined a perimeter of short stakes. The area was around fifteen meters in length and five meters wide. 

The two men were out there for hours. Ever since the rain released its hold. Currently, Wolffe knelt on the ground, hammering two pieces of wood together. 

Kazi had half a mind to ask him what he and Fox were building. But, after this morning, she was avoiding him. She regretted their conversation, and she regretted revealing certain fears and uncertainties. She didn’t want him to think she wasn’t good enough to— 

“I was wondering where those two had gone.”

Kazi jerked away from the window and spun around. Standing at her side, close enough she could elbow him, was a freshly-showered Fox.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your blatant staring.”

“I wasn’t staring,” she muttered. Smoothing an unwrinkled spot on her shirt, she ignored his amused look. “I was wondering where Neyti had gotten to.”

“She’s a remarkable kid.”

Outside, Neyti held the stack of feathers, mystified by whatever Nova was showing her on his datapad. The man had a particular interest in medicine and trauma therapy, according to Daria who had gifted Nova one of her old medical books to study. Based on Neyti’s blatant confusion, Kazi assumed Nova was showing her something related to the biological breakdown of bird feathers.

“I’m sorry,” Kazi said quietly. In the corner of her eye, Fox stiffened, carefully scanning the green mass beyond the windows. “For snapping at you when you were obviously joking.”

“We’re all protective of family,” Fox said. His words were contemplative, but a hint of warning underscored his tone. 

Seemingly satisfied with his assessment of the backyard, Fox took a seat in a chair across the room. A position where he could see the partition, backdoor, and anything outside the windows. It was then that Kazi noticed the objects in his hands. An old, rusted knife and a chunk of wood. 

Intricate lines carved the wood into a simple shape. Kazi appraised the figurine, her lips parting in surprise.

The carving was a familiar black bird. The same bird Neyti had insisted on burying two days ago.

“Do you think she’ll like it?” The intense concentration on Fox’s face belied his casual demeanor. 

“I think she will.” Kazi took the seat beside him. “You know, she would probably like you more if you didn’t tease her so much.”

He breathed a quiet chuckle. “I know.”

The solemnity in his answer was begrudging, and it revealed something she hadn’t yet known: Fox didn’t want to get close to Neyti. The teasing remarks—the soft glares and adorable scowls he received in return—were his way to maintain a distinctive line. A barrier not to be crossed. 

Kazi recognized it. Because she did it too. 

Over the years she had distanced herself from everyone. Family. Friends. Coworkers. Similar to Fox, she had distanced herself on purpose. Because closeness, companionship, created a vulnerability, a happiness that could easily be stolen the moment the companion left. 

“The Senate is still debating the decommissioning of clones,” she said, changing conversation. “It seems they’ll vote in favor.”

“They’d be real stupid to do it.” Fox flicked the tip of his knife. “But it makes sense why they’ll go through with it.”

Kazi frowned. “I thought you would support the bill.”

He slid his eyes in her direction. “And why would you think that?”

“The Empire will no longer use clone soldiers. They’ll be free from service.” She paused, hesitating. “That’s the entire purpose of your missions, isn’t it? To free those men?”

“The purpose of our missions is to rescue.” Setting aside his knife and block of wood, Fox lounged back in his chair. “We’re rescuing the ones who want out.”

Static from the radio chirped and Kazi lowered it.

“Decommissioning is the Empire’s way of cleaning up a mess they don’t want to deal with anymore,” Fox said. “Clones don’t have a pension plan. They don’t have retirement savings. They’ll be decommissioned and tossed aside. Forgotten by the galaxy they fought to protect. They’ll be jobless, homeless, and left without a purpose.”

Kazi glanced at the half-finished puzzle littering the table—the puzzle Wolffe had been working on the last two weeks. “I don’t understand why the Empire wants to decommission clones. No natborn can compete with your training and skillset. Clones will always be superior soldiers, and for a government that desires power, the most efficient and effective military is a clone military.”

A wry smile darkened Fox’s face. “You’re forgetting the aging gene.”

“I thought the aging gene was degenerative.” She leaned forward. “The Ceaian government intercepted Kaminoan intel and we were told the aging gene stopped acceleration at twenty-six. Is that not true?” 

“It is.” Fox shrugged at her exasperated scowl. “The aging gene’s degeneration was kept quiet. The Kaminoans were pressed their experimentation was faulty. And one bad gene raised questions of other possible degenerations.”

“Which could lead to an investigation into the chips, and if the general public knew about the chips’ existence, it could lead to questioning of the Empire’s authority. Even questioning Palpatine himself.” Kazi scoffed, tapping the plush armrest of her chair. “So Palpatine is cleaning up his mess.”

Fixing the cuff of his gray button-down, Fox appeared insouciant to the revelation. Then again, he seemed to have already considered and assessed the situation at depth. 

“Clones aren’t droids,” Fox said, rolling the cuff on his right wrist. “We have minds of our own. And Palpatine is starting to wonder if the clone army will remain loyal to him. He thinks it’ll be easier to decommission them. He’ll create a new army from those propagandized to support him.”

They lapsed into brief silence, Kazi musing their conversation. Something about his tone struck her.

“You talk about Palpatine like you knew him,” she commented. Years of training kept Fox’s features composed, but Kazi had also spent years studying the subtle changes in posture and expressions. She noted the sudden wariness in his eyes. The slight tightness around his mouth. “Did you know him?”

“Does it matter?”

“I’m only curious.”

Shaking his head, Fox shifted his attention to the windows, tapping a finger against the armrest of his chair. He sighed. 

“I served Palpatine.”

The guarded reticence in his face reminded Kazi of Wolffe’s mistrust, and she realized he expected her to react poorly. Probably accuse him or stalk away.

A month ago she would have. A month ago, she would have considered this proof the men were hiding their true motivations and they weren’t to be trusted. 

“I’m surprised you aren’t yelling at me.” Fox chuckled bitterly.

She shrugged. “I’m not one for yelling.”

“That’s not what Wolffe said.” Kazi rolled her eyes, and Fox relaxed marginally, dark brown eyes searching her face. “I wouldn’t blame you. If you went to Wolffe or Cody and told them I couldn’t stay.” He grinned. “Some of the men we rescue don’t trust me.”

The words were flat, bored and uncaring, and yet Kazi noted a hint of exhaustion. 

“Why not?” she asked.

“I was a good soldier,” Fox said. “I obeyed my orders. I didn’t question them. I took my job seriously, and I made hard decisions not everyone agreed with. I earned a…certain reputation among the ranks.” 

His deceptive casualness was well-practiced, and she couldn’t help but wonder how often he pretended to be in control. How often others overlooked his collected appearance. 

“I was loyal to Palpatine. Until the very end.” His gaze grew unfocused. “I did things I shouldn’t have.”

“We all do bad things,” she said, “and we all make mistakes—”

“These weren’t simple mistakes.” 

For a long moment, Kazi and Fox sat in pensive silence, the shifting of pans from the kitchen and the static from the radio serving as background noise. Kazi watched Neyti play with her bird feather, smiling smally at the little girl’s enthusiasm. Her attention shifted to Wolffe. He was drinking from a bottle, his long-sleeved shirt matted with sweat, the white fabric clinging to his dark skin. 

“What will you do,” she said, “once decommissioning starts?”

“Decommissioning can mean a number of things.” Fox ran a finger down the stem of the spindly plant sitting beside him. One of Daria’s, the dark green plant almost reached Kazi’s shoulders when she stood. “Certain units will be kept in service. There will be clones forced to train new soldiers. We’ve even heard reports of possible clone detainment centers. We’ll keep busy.”

“How long will you do this for?” 

Outside, the breeze stole a feather from Neyti, carrying it to a tree branch. Neyti chased after it. But the branch was too high for her to reach. Before Kazi could help, Wolffe plucked the feather from the branch and returned it to Neyti. 

Hugging the feather to her chest, Neyti patted Wolffe on his arm and raced back to Nova who was absorbed in something on his datapad. Wolffe looked from his arm to Neyti, bemusement wrinkling his forehead. Kazi bit her tongue to stifle her amusement.

Sudden movement from Fox drew her attention back inside. He approached the windows, slipping his hands into his trousers’ pockets. “We’re committed to these missions for one of three reasons: responsibility, guilt, and atonement.”

Still seated, Kazi surveyed his side profile. 

“Cody believes it’s his responsibility to correct his wrongs, and that starts with his men. And Wolffe does it out of a twisted sense of guilt.” Fox rolled his shoulders in a move so similar to Wolffe it was eerie. “The missions give us purpose.”  

Kazi could relate to the sentiment. After University, her career gave her purpose. Meaning. It kept her alive, especially on those lonely nights when she didn’t understand why she existed. Those lonely nights when she questioned if someone would miss her—

Hesitantly, Kazi joined Fox at the windows. “Wolffe goes on every mission while you and Cody switch. Why is that?”

Fox chuffed a strained chuckle. “Wolffe is single-minded when it comes to his goals. He’ll run these missions—and run himself ragged—until he either shifts his focus elsewhere or learns to live with the guilt.”

Kazi frowned. “Guilt for what?”

“Surviving the war.”

Masterlist | Chapter 8 | Chapter 10

A/N: I’m afraid Fox’s words might get misconstrued: Fox is arguing that Wolffe’s guilt is an unhealthy coping mechanism that’s driving his life. He is not arguing that Wolffe needs a romantic partner to 1) fix him and 2) bring meaning to his life. Romantic relationships do not give purpose; they do not give someone a reason to live. And when it comes to the clones, I think any similar rhetoric reduces their personal aspirations, individualism, and humanity. 

Next chapter release – March 7th  

@ulchabhangorm

[seraphtrevs]

Could you expand on the similarities/parallels between Lalo and Gus? (or link me to a post if you’ve already talked about it) I think it’s fascinating & I’d love to read more

OKAY I'm finally here - every time I've sat down to write it I've been sidetracked

First, let's talk about how they're different. They are polar opposites - orderly/chaotic, serious/playful, cold/hot, cartel outsider/cartel insider, born to poverty/born to wealth. I've kind of convinced myself that Lalo was designed specifically to be Gus's foil.

But like all good foils, they also have a lot in common. Such as:

They're all business. Neither of these men have anything remotely resembling a personal life. I've seen articles on several random pop culture websites that incorrectly say that Gus had Lalo's family killed at his home, but those people were not his family! He' paid them to be there! Because real, honest attachments would be a distraction - and a liability, as Gus learned from personal experience. (And who knows - maybe Lalo learned that lesson, too.) The only thing they have going on in their lives is the Game. When all you do is play a game, you tend to get pretty good at it. Which leads me to #2

They're on the same level. The cartel is not a brain trust. Gus and Lalo are usually the smartest people involved in whatever their latest scheme is, so when they encounter each other, there's a weird moment of recognition - oh hey, this guy is a serious opponent

And since they're both experts in the game they're playing, their trains of thought generally end up at the same destination. I'm sure the way they arrive at their conclusions is very different, which is something I think deeply annoys both of them - like, it's a very specific kind of annoying to have someone you despise come up with the same answer but in the wrong way. It's why they're able to anticipate and interpret each other's actions based only off vibes

They're ruthless. They both have zero qualms about doing whatever it takes to achieve their ends, with seeming little regret. We see Mike, Jesse, and Walt struggle with all the violence and the death, but Gus and Lalo never show regret. They know that sometimes you have to sacrifice pawns to win games, and so that's what they do

They're loners. Neither of them have a single real friend. If you buy my headcanon that Lalo is also gay, it kind of makes sense why he's also kept people at a distance. Neither of them can risk the kind of exposure being truly intimate with someone entails...and honestly, they're both just kind of weird and don't fit in, the way exceptional people don't sometimes.

They don't care much about material things. Neither of them seem particularly interested in a lavish lifestyle, outside of having a nice house and getting the occasional outrageously expensive bottle of alcohol. They don't wear expensive clothes. They don't drive especially flashy cars (compare Lalo's car with Nacho's). They don't throw parties to show off their wealth. Jimmy uses his money to the fullest extent - because what's the point of having it otherwise? But Lalo and Gus don't seem to care about that. Money is just one of your scores when you're playing to win

They're loyal - Gus was fiercely loyal to Max, and Lalo is fiercely loyal to Hector. I think this is related to their loner tendencies - it's rare to find anyone who truly understands them. It's like they take every last scrap of their humanity and invest it in one single person. This is how Lalo figures out that Gus is up to something - he knows that there's no way in hell Gus would ever save Hector's life unless he had an ulterior motive, so he started to look around for other things that didn't make any sense

[momentomori24]

Chapter 4 of Rain Code somehow just really made me love Halara than I already do (which says a bunch cuz I love Halara. Like. A lot). They really fleshed out everyone here but I really want to start with them first.

They started off as a logical, cool and collected yet emotionally distant and cut throat individual with no regard for other's struggles and will only lend their aid when the pay is right. In Chapter 1 they literally rejected a poor little kid who's dad was falsely arrested because he (very obviously) didn't have 5 million shien ready and then claimed that those unable to prove their resolve might as well not exist to them. And as a slap in the face threw the ball that boy offered instead because it was his most important item over to Yuma, completely disregarding the sentimental value which came from the fact that he used said ball to play with his almost-as-good-as-dead dad before all that crap went down.

That coldness extends over to Yuma as well. They put him in debt in exchange for their help and up the price for the cake they bought and how much he made them wait. When he reached out his hand to them to activate his Coelescence, they state they have zero intentions of getting friendly with him before violently shutting him down by saying they despise him and the thought of their hands touching makes their skin crawl (that actually hurt btw). They don't just hate Yuma, they hate humanity in general, but surprisingly that didn't stop them from fulfilling their role of assistant in exchange for his payment. They're cold, but not cruel. Even though they expected payment for their services, they didn't press him to hand him the money right away. They didn't think much of Yuma outside of being a trainee, yet were willing to see his potential and put credit were credit is due. Even though they did most of the heavy-lifting during the investigation and figured out the crime before Yuma did, they set up the scene and brought forth the suspects to give him his time to shine. They literally come to the rescue every time he needs help, whether he called on them or not. And most importantly, even with their memories of the Mystery Labyrinth erased and them having no recollection of Yuma solving the case, they still acknowledged him as a detective and stated he should be proud of himself for trying as hard as he did. In Chapter 2, they even defended him against Desuhiko when he was coming at Yuma for not being a real detective, saying that they shouldn't don't descriminate and that he's also one of them. They warm up to him, from praising his decision to take the initiative even in the face of Yakou's disaproval to helping out the group free of cost and billing the expenses to the WDO instead in Chapter 4.

And CHAPTER 4, man. They truly grew as a person and that chapter shows that so well. They're still classic Halara for planning on charging Vivia for his laziness when they make their epic entrance to save the group and telling the peacekeepers that they'll be having their coin back, but honestly I wouldn't have them any other way. And while I loved seeing them kick ass with those legs of pure steel, my favourite scenes were when they were tending to Yakou when he was on death door.

They were trying to keep him alive for as long as possible for everyone's sake. It's those brief yet tense moments where we get to see Halara at their most desperate, where their cool-headed persona starts to crack. We finally see just how much they care about the others. The moment they realize something's off with Yakou they rush to his side to resuscitate him as best as they can. And the worst part is that Yakou was probably already gone at that point.

We heard his voice in the corridor when were conducting the investigation using Spectral Projection before we met with the others. And if that voice was truly his soul seperating from his body, then wouldn't that mean that Yakou was already dead for everything else that happened after? We know he was already dead before Yuma and Vivia got back; they confirmed that themselves. They probably noticed it around the time his heartbeat stopped.

If that's the case, then was Halara just appearing to resuscitate his body for that long? Just to not break Desuhiko and Fubuki's hearts? So that Vivia and Yuma get even the slimest chance of saying goodbye? It's such a complete 180 to how they were at the beginning. Had this been chapter 1, they would've broken the news as soon as they found out. They wouldn't have spent ages giving people hope for a dead person to come back because there's no logic to that-- and yet they do. Because they care about their friends. Where their kindness and support had once come at a cost and as obligatory as their cooperation had been, their relationship with the other detectives has at some point crossed over into genuine care and thoughtfulness over their wellbeing.

I just really love seeing how much they changed over the course of the chapters. They were definitely very selfish and cold and calculating at the start, but they're the furthest from it now-- and I love them for it.

[formerheroeswhoquittoolate]

okay maybe this is the optimistic naivete of someone who's only been reading comics seriously for a few years but I'm actually not super pissed about kamala's death and resurrection and reclassification as a mutant? which doesn't seem to be the general consensus (and that's fine) but I wanted to insert my two cents somewhere and I have a blog (pretty sure that's what it's for?) so it'll be here. anyway.

yeah. x-men comics have an obnoxiously long-standing history of focusing on the wolverines and cyclopses and professors x instead of a myriad of other interesting and compelling characters (wiz-kid my beloved) and it's fucking annoying and I don't want that to happen to kamala. and I don't think that's what's happening anyway. especially considering she's already been a side character in amazing spider-man for 16 issues. if this were the next step in sidelining her they wouldn't have made it a huge event and put so much work into showing the champions and avengers mourning her.

furthermore, kamala's story has always been about reconciling these different facets of her identity. pakistani muslim, american teenage superhero, inhuman and avenger, good daughter and good friend and good person. tossing another thing into the mix isn't going to cheapen her experience. it's another label for her to struggle with, another culture for her to determine how much she is a part of. there will be mutants who hate her because she's an inhuman, just like there are americans who hate her because she's muslim. and there will be mutants who say she's not mutant enough. ms marvel isn't publicly muslim, but everything she does will be shadowed by the political implications of a mutant doing those things. and maybe it's just me, but I'm excited to see her go toe-to-toe with scott and emma and xavier, especially in the aftermath of magneto's death. she's a compelling and interesting and beloved character, one of the stars of marvel's current hero roster, and I highly doubt they'd waste the time, energy, and money on such an overhaul just to sideline her as another oft-ignored x-man (especially with fall of x looming in the horizon like an expensive stormfront). if it turns out I'm wrong, I'll absolutely riot with the rest of the affronted kamala khan fans. but for now I might actually be a little excited to see how her status as a mutant goes and what that means for her identity and the mutant narrative as a whole. and I'm definitely excited to see iman vellani co-write this, because I really liked her portrayal of ms marvel in the show and her enthusiasm for all things superhero is infectious! and I would absolutely prefer any and all superhero actors be this invested in the characters they portray.

tl;dr: I feel like kamala being a mutant might actually be interesting and relevant and not the condemnation to background-character-dom everyone seems to think it is. and if I'm wrong I'll be pissed but personally I believe at least iman vellani herself is in touch with kamala's experience, identity, and popularity as a character.

[creature-wizard]

Unlike the narrative in Michelle Remembers, which was obviously influenced by modern horror media rather than any real occult practice, The Satan Seller is obviously more informed by real occult practices. In my opinion there's just enough knowledge in here to make it slightly plausible. Warnke's narrative references things 20th century occultists and witches were actually into - astrology, lighting candles while performing spells, grinding herbs together, appropriating Hebrew (not that Warnke is aware of that being a bad thing), the phrase "so mote it be," and similar.

If this guy had been content to claim that he'd fallen in with a bunch of young edgelords in college, I think he could have had a pretty plausible narrative. But Mike Warnke was not content to claim anything so mundane, oh no.

He claims that he was basically doing all of the drugs while he was in college and was struggling financially to support his drug habit (note that his former college friends called bullshit on this), and at this time this guy named Dean Armstrong got him into Satanism because he saw a potential for greatness in this drug-addicted college student who got fired from his part-time job for stealing money from his place of employment.

Dean basically assures him that he doesn't have to worry about money anymore because whatever he wants, the Satanists will give him. And they really go all-out spoiling this guy, buying his favorite kind of furniture without him even asking:

A long, low, oxblood leather couch replaced the sagging old brown horsehair one, and there were two sets of bookshelves full of books beneath the windowsill where there had been a rickety scarred table. The biggest surprise was on the floor—two chicks sitting on a white rug.

“Oh, wow,” was all I could think of to say. “Did you two do all this since I left for the meeting?” I went over and sat on the soft couch, feeling the smoothness of the leather. “Who knew the type of furniture I like?” In my casual conversations, I probably had mentioned being attracted to certain types of furnishings, colors, etc. But I could not help thinking of Satan’s power, and my experience with the wishing smoke which Teresa had concocted for me.

The Satanists spare no expense buying this guy all kinds of fancy swag:

The next week just flew by, with the girls helping me pick out a new wardrobe of clothes and a complete set of china and silverware. The biggest acquisition of our shopping trips was a stereo set which had everything, I mean, everything. The manager of the store evidently was on the fringes of the “movement” and said whatever I chose was mine. “Get what you want. Don’t settle for second-best, Mike,” he said. “If I don’t have it here, I'll put it on order.” He had what I wanted, and it was delivered that same day.

By the way, this kind of casual misogyny is all over the book so far. He's always referring to women as "chicks" and describes treating women in really gross, disrespectful ways without showing the slightest hint of remorse. Also, the "wishing smoke" he refers to? He wished that Theresa would beg him for sex, and it very nearly worked (according to him). Theresa, in his narrative, basically brushed this off with "it's fine, you didn't know any better, you didn't really believe in the power of Satan."

Just... eew?

Oh, and he tells a wild story that supposedly demonstrates the power of demons over the physical world:

The day before the first meeting at which I would preside, I still felt touchy about how to call on those demonic spirits. I had already read one case where two jokers had been fooling around and had stood in the wrong part of the circle, with their toes on the pentagram, and the demons had crushed them to death. Their rib cages had caved in like balsa wood under an elephant’s foot. Exactly the same thing had happened to both of them. They were twins in death.

Honestly? The dude's repeating a whole lot of which hunt rhetoric in this story, but as a general rule even the witch hunters of Europe didn't make claims this wild.

I am quite confident that what all of this amounts to is Mike Warnke's personal twisted power fantasy. In the narrative, he's being lavishly spoiled and set up to become this super important Satanic leader for absolutely no good reason. He's basically this egomaniacal nobody who shows every sign of being a liability in the long-term, but they treat him like he's the shit.

If Mike Warnke had been born a few decades later, he'd have probably been writing fanfiction about seducing Black Widow as Doctor Doom or something.

[coolclaytony]

I don't know if Jello has ever gotten into the nitty-gritty about the the different countries in Epithet Erased. But here's some headcannons:

Australia

• The southernmost continent. The mysterious Australians are a reclusive people who's homeland is protected from outsiders by a severe storm that surrounds most of their territory, save for a single island which serves as the primary hub through which the country interacts with the rest of the world.

• Few people have gone to the Australian continent and returned; those that have speak of living dinosaurs, impossible weather patterns, animals that defy description, music in the air, and people with unusual anatomies that might not even be human.

• Australia is said to be even bigger than has been explored thus far, but it's natives refuse to give outsiders too much of a glimpse for too long.

• The Australians possess technology seen nowhere else and they horde their advancements agressively.

• Those who have seen the capital of Canada note that it seems paradoxically primitive compared to the rest of the country. But why that is has not been determined.

Deepwood Country

• The Deepwood is not actually a single forest, but several that converge on eachother. The north bordering Taiga country is a open canopy boreal forest; with a closed canopy boreal forest further to the east, the middle-country is composed of a dedicious, coniferous, and temperate forests; the Capital of Bellmouth sits where these three forests touch eachother, the south is has tropical forests of every variety. The areas where different forests overlap have animals seen nowhere else.

• Each forest has it's own tribe that calls it home. They don't get along, but Bellmouth has done a lot of work in last few centuries getting them to cooperate for the country's collective well being.

• Other countries covet the Deepwood's ample and diverse lumber. But while logging does happen in Deepwood, it tightly regulated with sustainability and environmental health held as chief concerns. This results in Deepwood lumber exports being very expensive and leads to resentment from the other countries.

Desert Country

• Tall mountains surround the border of the continent that makes up Desert Country, ensuring the entire area is dry and arid.

• The Desert used to be much smaller, but an old kingdom that used to rule the country over exploited it's natural resources and caused the desert to expand rapidly.

• Consequently, the country is criplingly dependent on foreign imports and many of it's citizens live in poverty. Bandit Clans run nearly unopposed by the government. Many a settlement has dissappeared under devastating and frequent sand storms; thus most people live as nomads.

• Mining has become the chief industry of Desert Country and the Republic of Longshot has not learned from the mistakes of it's predecessor. Mining operations are private institutions who treat their workers virtually like slave labor and little care is made for the already struggling ecosystem.

• The petrified skeletons of the continent's now extinct megafauna litter the landscape of the Desert. Some of the larger ones are used as building material in some settlements.

• Fresh water is so hard to find in Desert Country that it can be bartered and the government is ruthless in it's efforts to control what few remaining natural water sources exist. Purposefully dumping water is considered a crime punishable by death.

Island Country

• The the Coalition of the Islands in Coriolis city manages the most prolific navy in the world and the country's near monopoly on international trade has made it the single wealthiest nation in the world.

• Island country maintains trade ports in most every other country and it has been accused multiple times in history of attempting to colonize and conquer the rest of the world. The Admiral of the Coalition denies this.

• Every island in the country is it's own unique and distinguished culture and as such, trading and naval ships come in a cluttered hodgepodge of designs and functions.

• The Capital of Coriolis is a cluster of barges, rigs, harbors, and anchored ships put in place around a massive unending whirlpool that has deep spiritual significance to adjacent island cultures. Without the barges that anchor the city to the nearby islands, it would be sucked into the vortex.

Ocean Country*

*Read Prison of Plastic, as that book gives us lots of context about what Ocean Country is like.

• Though they are technologically sophisticated enough to compete with Australia, the country's true power lies in it's citizens skill with the mystic arts. Most everyone, even Mundies, possess some talent with magic.

• He Who Hungers, however, will suffer noone in his vicinity who could even 'potentially' rival his power. Thus most government officials are non-magical mundies equipped with mystical gear built by enslaved inscribed.

• All people of the Ocean are expected to prepare for the day when He Who Hungers achieves Proficiency 100 and begins his grand mission of conquest against the surface world.

Taiga Country

• Taiga country used to be a communist republic, but meddling in the country's politics by Island Country lead to a shift towards free-market capitalism.

• Sweet Jazz City is in-fact where Jazz was invented. The city was named after a mundie pirate.

• The country famously has been home to many of the most legendary Inscribed in history and every settlement has at least one Inscribed hero who left a significant impact in the world. As such, the state is even more legally preferential of Inscribed than anywhere else to the point of absurdity.

• Hot Coacoa is a national beverage and traditional Taiga Folk culture is very Christmas-esque.

@dailycharacteroption

[casp1an-sea]

Star Wars But Better Part 6

here’s the link to the master post so you can get part one: Master post

——————

(The falcon comes out hyperspace there’s no planet in sight just a load of asteroids)

Luc: This doesn’t look like ALderan

Han: Tell me something I don’t know! Chewie checks the hyperspace coordinates, maybe we put them in wrong.

Luc: Sloppy, guess will be taking about 15,000 off your paycheck!

Han: Hey I got you somewhere!

Luc: We did pay you to take us somewhere.

Han: You haven’t payed me yet.

Obi-wan: Was the 2000 not substantial?

Han: No it wasn’t!

Luc: Your loss!

(Chewy growls something)

Han: Not my loss. We’re at alderaan I did my job.

Luc: Well then where's the planet?

Han: I don’t know but chewie says the coardinanents check out.

Luc: I’m sorry to break it to you but the only stuff out here is asteroids (Points out the viewpoint) and that small moon.

Obi-wan: That's no moon… That’s a space station…

Han: Yeah right and I’m Darth Vader. There's no way a station could be made of that size.

Obi-wan: Then why are we drifting closer?

Han: What?! Your crazy were  not- CHEWIE! Take evasive action!

Luc: What’s going on?

Han: Were caught in a tractor beam it must be coming from the moon.

Luc: The moon?

Han: Yes!

(They struggle to get out of the tractor beam and fail as the slowly get closer they realize the moon is an imperial space station)

Luc: Wow Old hobo man was right.

Obi-wan: As I said the force has it’s perks

Han: Damn it, can’t we get out of this

(Chewie growls frustratedly)

Han: Well looks like we're gonna get boarded!

Luc: Uh what about escape pods?

Han: Don’t have any.

Luc: How can you not have any escape pods?

Han: I’ve used them all already and I never replaced them.

Luc: (Face palms) Why didn’t you replace them?!

Han: They’re expensive!

Luc: Well now what are we going to do?

(They were practically in the station)

Han: I have an idea!

(The falcon is pulled into the hanger of the death star. Troopers walk through the ship but find no one)

Trooper: (To officer) There’s no one aboard, they must have left in escape pods before we picked them up.

Officer: Not likely. We picked up no readings of escape pod ejections. Get a scanning crew in there at once.

Trooper: Yes sir!

(Two troopers holding a scanning machine walck onto the ship. Two troopers walk off without the scanner)

Luc: (Dressed as a stormtrooper to Han who is also dressed as a stormtrooper) You are definitely not getting paid!

Han: Hey it was my smuggling compartments that got us out of there! Never thought I’d smuggle myself in those.

Luc: (Sarcastically) Yeah thanks for the great Idea

(Han looks around doesn’t see anyone and gestures for the others to come out of the falcon)

Luc: Now what we can’t just leave with that tractor beam still up

Han: I don’t know I didn’t think we’d get this far

Obi-wan: Leave the tractor beam to me

Han: Damn fool I knew you’d say that.

Obi-wan: Quickly let's get to the control center before someone realizes the scanners are taking too long!

(The group stalks down the hall and opens the door to the small hanger command room. An officer turns around startled to see the giant wookie as the door opens. Chewie throws him to the floor. The officer reaches for his blaster but Han shoots him in the chest before he can get his blaster upholstered. The group steps into the room, the droids shuffling in behind them and they lock the door.)

Luc: you know between his howling and your blasting everything in sight it’s a wonder the whole station doesn’t know where we are! (lmao did I just make them quote Leia????)

Han: Stop with the snide comments kid.

Luc: Me stop with the snide comments? You should listen to yourself sometime.

Threepio: I have found the computer outlet sir.

Obi-wan: (To R2) plug in, you should be able to interpret the system and pull up a map if you can.  

(R2 beeps plugging his arm into the control panel)

Threepio: He says he’s discovered the location of the tractor beam sir.

(A hologram map appears in front of them with the tractor beam labeled)

Ben: I’ve got it. (Turns to leave) I don’t think you kids can help, I’m going alone.

Han: Kids? You know I’d rather not leave my fate in your hands.

(He randomly changed to Ben instead of Obi-Wan sorry about that) 

Ben: If I’m not back in 30 minutes you can continue without me.

Luc: Fine with me, less work!

(Obi-wan leaves)

Han: This day just really hates me, where'd you dig up that old fossil anyway?

Luc: He knew my dad or something. Part of some cult I think.

Han: And you’re joining it? (Looks at them skeptically)

Luc: (Shrugs) Not really, I’m just bored.

Han: To each their own I guess.

(They sit in awkward science for a few minutes)

Luc: You know so far this hole Jedi thing isn’t helping my boredom, R2 is there anything else we can do.

(R2 beeps)

Han: What’d he say?

Threepio: The princess is sentenced for execution. I believe he’s referring to the one that called for Master Obi-wan’s help sir.

Luc: Well that’s something to do!

Han: You don’t mean you want to free her?

Luc: (Shrugs) What’s the worst that could happen?

Han: You could die

Luc: Doesn’t sound all that bad to be honest

Han: You’re crazy!

Luc: Do you just say that about everyone?

Han: Well you are crazy if you think you can run into an imperial detention center alone just for the fun of it.

Luc: Oh I wouldn’t be alone.

Han: No, I am not going with y-

Luc: The princess is rich, you know.

Han: (Huffs) Fine but you’re still crazy.

Luc: I’ll take it. Threepio where she is being held?

Threepio: Level five, detention block A A-twenty three.

Han: So what’s your plan

Luc: I just heard about this. Do you think I would have time to make one up?

Han: I don’t know I-

Luc: Hm, (Points to some binders) Hand me those

Han: Why do you need those (Tosses over the handcuffs)

Luc: (Grabs them and walks over to chewie) Okay I’m gonna put these on you

(Chewie growls furiously)

Luc: Okay Han you do it.

Han: I don’t know why I’m trusting you but fine. (Begins putting the binders on Chewie) Don’t worry Chewie I think I know what they have in mind.

Luc: So we are going to be moving a “prisoner” to level five.

(Chewie grumbles)

Han: What do you mean I should have come up with this.

(Chewie growls) 

Han: They’re a literal child, they're not smarter than me!

(Chewie growls)

Han: Oh whatever I’m done with you.

Threepio: Sir Lucifer what should me and R2 do?

Luc: (Shrugs) Lock the door.

Han: And hope they don’t have blasters!

Threepio: Oh dear!

—————————————————————————

@xen-blank, @thehollowwriter, @l7k-a, @ferris-the-wheel, @keii-starz

@krenenbaker @elenauaurs @the-banana-0verlord @edith-is-a-cat @dove-da-birb

@theosb0rnway

I excluded anyone who didn’t specify a fandom let me know if you’d like to be added or removed

@sunshinechildskywalker, @xentari94 your not on my tag list but it’s Star Wars so I thought you might like it

[redwoodwv-hq]

Name: Harry Thompson Age: 46 Town Occupation: Bartender / Cook Previous Occupation: Business Owner Redwood Resident Length: Newly Arrived Faceclaim: Michael Fassbender

Bullet Points:

He's a fan of Lego, back in the day he had those expensive Star Wars models. Today, he only has a miniature one in his bag, Frank offered it for the wedding anniversary

He also was a twitch streamer, under the nickname of "Sydd", playing video games and building Lego on live. (3.646 followers)

He hates this freaking red trauma bag. Too much trouble because of it. Okay it's useful, but Jesus why red?! He always checked if the dark sheet he put on it was covering everything, almost paranoid about it.

He swears a lot. 

If you ask him, Frank is a moron, but it's his moron.

Cigarette over ibuprofen always.

He killed 3 living people since 2039, always in self-defense or protecting Frank.

He likes to believe that his family is safe somewhere, it's just easier than what the reality could be.

Biography:

Born and raised in Philadelphia, Harry had a typical childhood, brother of two older sisters. They were terrible but loving, teaching Harry to be patient while the kid quickly decided to make them laugh as often as possible. He agreed to do some drama with them, and if he liked it, it wasn't enough to turn it into a dream job. Those years were uneventful, the only challenge he faced was to do his coming out in front of his parents, his sisters helped him to do it, making their bond bigger than before. Not too good at school, he skipped this university step and quickly worked in the restaurant industry. He was 27 when he bought on credit what will become his library coffee bar, an idea he had since his majority. He wanted to be his own boss and worked in a place he liked. Without some struggles, the business worked pretty well, it felt good, it gave Harry confidence and some leadership skills with his employees. He met his husband to become at this place, seduce the customers they said... Oh well, he did, it worked, enough to turn it into a steady relationship. This man was Frank, who didn't make a good impression in front of Harry's family, too insolent, even if Harry found some charm in this bad boy attitude. 7 years ago, during Frank's humanitarian mission, he realized how much losing him was a no-no. Scared, but mostly in love, he proposed to little schnook.  

The viral outbreak felt unreal, Harry wasn't convinced until Frank who was working at the hospital arrived in the middle of the day at the bar, erratic. Everything became too real too quickly. Death wasn't something Harry was ready to see. He knows it, without Frank, he would probably be dead during the first weeks of this zombie invasion like he likes to call it. He trusted his husband and agreed to stick to the plan. They ran together out of the city, trying hard to avoid as many people as possible. The first year on the roads was a chaotic mess, they joined and left many small groups. The trauma bag that Frank took to the hospital quickly became a factor of trouble, attracting too much attention. Harry learned how to survive the hard way, but he learned fast, refusing to be a burden to his better half.

One year ago, they finally found some stability, joining a mobile group of twelve people, it felt like already a lot. They were nice, trustworthy, and resourceful. They also had a donkey, something that gave Harry a headache, unable to understand how this animal was still alive. It was from them he first heard about this "community", rumors but nothing else. They were walking, hoping to one day maybe find it. It didn't happen, instead of that, another group found them first, the Daybreakers. Blood and chaos arrived all of a sudden. In this run-or-fly situation, they fled, the miraculous donkey with them. Finding Redwood was from pure luck, was that the same community the guys were speaking of? He couldn't tell, but at least here, they had walls and seemed open to the conversation.

[harry-thompson]

Age — 46 Originally from —  Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Community — new comer Previous job — bartender - owner of his own library coffee bar Community job— bartender / cook Living Arrangements — bungalow near the community center/clinic Family — parents & 2 older sisters (probably dead), Frank Austing (husband)

Bio :

Born and raised in Philadelphia, Harry had a typical childhood, brother of two older sisters. They were terrible but loving, teaching Harry to be patient while the kid quickly decided to make them laugh as often as possible. He agreed to do some drama with them, and if he liked it, it wasn't enough to turn it into a dream job. Those years were uneventful, the only challenge he faced was to do his coming out in front of his parents, his sisters helped him to do it, making their bond bigger than before. Not too good at school, he skipped this university step and quickly worked in the restaurant industry. He was 27 when he bought on credit what will become his library coffee bar, an idea he had since his majority. He wanted to be his own boss and worked in a place he liked. Without some struggles, the business worked pretty well, it felt good, it gave Harry confidence and some leadership skills with his employees. He met his husband to become at this place, seduce the customers they said... Oh well, he did, it worked, enough to turn it into a steady relationship. This man was Frank, who didn't make a good impression in front of Harry's family, too insolent, even if Harry found some charm in this bad boy attitude. 7 years ago, during Frank's humanitarian mission, he realized how much losing him was a no-no. Scared, but mostly in love, he proposed to little schnook.

The viral outbreak felt unreal, Harry wasn't convinced until Frank who was working at the hospital arrived in the middle of the day at the bar, erratic. Everything became too real too quickly. Death wasn't something Harry was ready to see. He knows it, without Frank, he would probably be dead during the first weeks of this zombie invasion like he likes to call it. He trusted his husband and agreed to stick to the plan. They ran together out of the city, trying hard to avoid as many people as possible. The first year on the roads was a chaotic mess, they joined and left many small groups. The trauma bag that Frank took to the hospital quickly became a factor of trouble, attracting too much attention. Harry learned how to survive the hard way, but he learned fast, refusing to be a burden to his better half.

One year ago, they finally found some stability, joining a mobile group of twelve people, it felt like already a lot. They were nice, trustworthy, and resourceful. They also had a donkey, something that gave Harry a headache, unable to understand how this animal was still alive. It was from them he first heard about this "community", rumors but nothing else. They were walking, hoping to one day maybe find it. It didn't happen, instead of that, another group found them first, the Daybreakers. Blood and chaos arrived all of a sudden. In this run-or-fly situation, they fled, the miraculous donkey with them. Finding Redwood was from pure luck, was that the same community the guys were speaking of? He couldn't tell, but at least here, they had walls and seemed open to the conversation.

Headcanons:

He's a fan of Lego, back in the day he had those expensive Star Wars models.

Today, he only has a miniature one in his bag, Frank offered it for their wedding anniversary.

He also was a twitch streamer, under the nickname of "Sydd", playing video games and building Lego on live. (3.646 followers)

He hates this freaking red trauma bag. Too much trouble because of it. Okay it's useful, but Jesus why red?! He always checked if the dark sheet he put on it was covering everything, almost paranoid about it.

He swears a lot.

If you ask him, Frank is a moron, but it's his moron.

Cigarette over ibuprofen always.

He killed 3 living people since 2039, always in self-defense or protecting Frank.

Irish genes