#disabled line

[drafty-castle]

i saw your story about trying to reassure someone they are not pregnant and i am just so curious about that situation and how you asked for advice is this something your worried will happen again?

i feel like there is only so many ways to reality check that should feel really obvious to you but so long as you stay calm and kind just reassuring the person those facts as simply as you can is really the best thing to do, so it seemed like you did everything right.

Hi. I’m gonna trauma dump a little, so be warned.

So, my wife has some sort of intermittent amnesia issue that no one knows how to diagnose. Two neurologist, a neuropsych, and a bevy of therapists have all poked around in her head (imaging and therapy) with no results.

It presented first as purely syncope (hello 100+ concussions in a year and the brain damage that incurs), then became syncope plus coming too with some sort of disassociation manafesting as age-regressive/retrograde amnesia that would only end with another syncopal attack, then added in non-epileptic seizures/full body convulsions in among the mess and confusion.

The amnesia is not static - she has presented as any age from four, fourteen, twenty-four, thirty-four, and everything in between. She remembers everything in her life up to the time/age she is currently embodying. It’s like time travel. The amnesia can last from minutes to hours to days. It’s all dependent on when the next syncopal attack happens. It’s like hitting the breakers on a building to reset the system (have you tried turning it off and back on again?)

Or, as I normally tell her: “Think of your mind as a palace, with hundreds of doors inside. Behind each door is a single memory. Normally, you have access to all memories, through all doors, from your earliest childhood up to [now]. However, all the doors from [presenting age] to [now] are closed and locked. They are still there, they are still in your head. You just can’t access them at the moment. When you get your memory back, you will get the key and all of the doors will fly open and all of your memories will return.”

When she regains her memories, she remembers nothing of the incident. It’s just like a black-out for her. A great blank and a chunk of missing time in her life. And if she ever returns to that age again, she never remembers having “time travelled” before so we always have to start the process all over.

Note, this is her “normal” dissociative amnesia. The kind that happened yesterday is the much more rare and far more jarring my wife just woke from a convulsion and she doesn’t know her own name, age, what a cat is, what a TV is, where babies come from, what is/is not real etc.

She was bloated so she was convinced she was pregnant. She didn’t know where babies came from so she thought I got her pregnant. No protestations to the contrary would convince her otherwise. I mistakenly called our cats “the children” (because that’s how we to refer them in the day to day) and suddenly she was convinced she was pregnant with a cat and had given birth to the other cats as well. The physical and biological impossibility of this did not compute for her at this time -> she was pregnant and the cats were our children ergo she was pregnant with a cat.

I’m fine with and have a system for dealing with her normal amnesia, no matter what age she thinks she is. I’ve read her a fairy tale and put her to bed with her thinking I was her foster mother while mentally 7, I’ve made plans for outings with a mentally 10 year old adult, I’ve kept a distraught teen calm and focused while waiting for another syncope to hit the reset button in her brain, I’ve argued with a 23 year old about needing to blend her foundation then washed all twenty layers off my wife’s face when she returned to herself and was horrified by 2010s makeup trends. I know what to do, normally.

Last night wasn’t normal.

And I can’t get any real help from anybody. No support network, no instructions from medical professionals, nothing. The neurologist said she should do therapy about it. Only, she’s been in therapy. For years. Years and years. Long before this shit started happening!

And yet it’s just. Getting. Worse.

Like, spending more time amnesiac than not, worse. Happening every day worse. Lasting for longer worse.

I’m afraid that whatever is wrong is something that science and medicine just hasn’t figured out yet. That she is the equivalent of somebody living in the 1600’s with tuberculosis and no concept of germ theory. That somebody will end up writing a break-through paper on her condition but by then it will be too late for her.

Both Mayo Clinic’s website and the neurologist keeps saying it’s oddly presenting non-epileptic seizures due to stress and she needs therapy except she’s 100% less stressed now than she ever has been in her life, this shit started within a month of getting Covid, it’s getting worse and evolving new symptoms, and I am a single person left alone to try to keep her alive.

She’s not a system in the traditional since, but I lurk on DID pages sometimes trying to glean hints on how to cope or manage when she has completely lost the plot, like last night.

… Because if I hadn’t gotten to her in time and rubbed her stomach until the bloating went down, I’m afraid she would have tried to “cut out” the “baby”, that’s how scared and in pain she was.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[1980s-slasher-film]

Accommodations are not special, they’re not a leg up, they’re not a benefit. They’re not putting anyone ahead in the race, nor are they taking anything away from others.

They exist to put us on a level playing ground to everyone else, and nothing more.

[tam--lin]

The thing is, you don’t have to have a diagnoses to make simple “unmasking” changes that make your life easier. You don’t even have to self-diagnose! You are not appropriating anyone’s culture or struggles or hijacking anyone’s movement by allowing yourself to sway in line at the grocery store or buying a weighted blanket or using study or household hacks intended for people with ADHD. If you start favoring the needs that make your brain and body unique over the arbitrary norms of society, you’ll be better off, and you’ll be expanding the norms. It’s a win/win.

[seamsterslocal]

summer binder picture tutorial

this is the third binder ive made for myself recently and the first one i’m writing up. it’s designed to do a few things: 1) allow me to put it on by myself without dislocating my shoulders 2) allow me to breathe well enough to partake in normal activity 3) be cool enough to wear throughout a muggy 90-100F summer 4) not constrict my ribs in a way that aggravates my lack of connective tissue and causes intense pain.

this has become necessary even though i had top surgery many years ago, because when i had it i was extremely skinny and since then i’ve increased in size by about 50%. this has been really fucking good for my health in every single way* except that when my chest is squishy or moves at all it’s So Goddamn Triggering for me. but also since ive had top surgery ive developed and/or been made away of a plethora of chronic conditions that make every single commercially available binding option medically impossible. unbound, my chest is pretty much what you’d expect for a chubby cis guy but venturing out into the world in just a tshirt no longer works for me

*anyone who badmouths weight gain or fat bodies in the notes WILL be blocked

under the cut are a bunch of process pictures and explanations of what they all mean:

first i’ll give you a look at the pieces and measurements:

most of the seams are sewn in this picture and one half is turned inside out, allowing you to see both the finished dimensions (right) and the placement of the fusible horsehair canvas that gives this lil scrap of linen any structure at all (left)

to get your chest measurement, you’re gonna have to do some math:

first measure above and below what you want to bind. average these numbers. mine are something like 32 and 34, which average to 33. subtract a few inches--this is to allow the air movement between the laces at center front and back, critical in the summertime. i deleted 3 inches bc i like that number but you can go bigger if you want. the more inches you subtract here, the more youll be able to ratchet all your chest material down later, but at the same time you need to leave enough fabric for a sturdy garment. let’s say a range of 2-6 inches/5-15cm. by taking your measurements this way, you’re essentially measuring the chest you would like to have. that + the horsehair canvas work together to compress any squishy tissue/force anything that doesnt compress up and to the outside (basically into the armpit/lower shoulder--the chest might stick out but it will give a very puffed chest captain america pectoral silhouette)

you can also see how ive clipped my curves and pre-drilled my lacing holes. i used the marlin spike on my knife to open up the holes on the interfacing side, mainly as a way of marking them. this worked well bc the interfacing’s glue kept the linen from raveling

this is the same stage but looking at the non-interfaced grey linen/cotton blend (the black is some 100% linen from my cabbage stash). you can see ive broken the solar-plexus-to-back measurement up into a bunch of pieces to save on fabric but that’s not necessary. my original pattern was just two pieces (front and back) and chopping the straps into thirds on both sides was aesthetic

in the following picture you can really see how this is really just overgrown regency stays:

i thought about doing side lacing but didn’t think that would be comfortable for me. on the front, the side seam allowance was pressed inwards before turning to create a finished looking slot. on the back the side seam is left unfinished with an extra wide seam allowance, and is inserted into that slot.

here’s a closeup on it pinned in place (you can adjust the angle of the side seam and the fit during this pinning stage):

that side seam was just topstitched in place once i had the fit how i liked it, and the armhole was reinforced with more topstitching

alright, time for eyelets: first, you can see how well the marking worked:

next, two rows of basted eyelets (left), one row of eyelets sewn with a doubled and waxed cotton thread (center right), and one row of eyelets opened and stainless steel rings placed (right).

next time i’m going to mark the eyelets same as i did above, but do this step differently--i’ll mark and baste the steel rings in place BEFORE widening the eyelets. this is bc i had a lot of problems keeping the eyelets on center

eyelets half done on this one! on the left are eyelets sewn with doubled and waxed cotton thread and on the right eyelets sewn with quadrupled and waxed thread. the center is basting again. i was able to force the holes back in line while sewing the eyelets but it was kinda annoying. adding a second picture that doesnt have great focus but hopefully shows how that process worked and shows the spike clearly

i ended up using this white cotton thread because it’s stronger than my black cotton thread (which the rest of it is sewn with). [eta: after this was first posted, i pressed the whole thing heavily, which effectively de-waxed the thread, and i dyed the whole thing a medium charcoal grey, the thread blends in perfectly on the lighter side and isn’t such a sore thumb on the darker side]

bonus: the piecing layout for that little piece of strap. the whole light gray half of the binder was made from 1/2 of one of the legs i cut off some linen suit pants to make slutty camping shorts last year and i really really didn’t want to break into any of the other three halves for this garment--i have Plans for it

overall the fit of this is incredible. it DOESNT hurt my ribs which every zip-up garment ive been able to find (and it is difficult) does due to really thick elastic at the base. it doesnt aggravate my sensory issues with the synthetic fibers that every commercial option is made of. i can walk up a hill or stairs, or go to pt, without getting too out of breath. i can eat with it tight, or loosen the front easily and without taking it off to make eating easier and less nausea-inducing. it is reversible!

best of all the lacing at the back gives the garment enough movement for me to get it on without dislocating, and the interfacing and steel rings give it structure once it’s on. the shaping comes only from fusible horsehair linen canvas and stainless steel rings like youd use for chainmail, there’s no boning at all, which makes it very quick to sew (except the eyelets, but metal grommets would be sturdy and quick provided theyre of good quality)

there’s a small amount of gaping on the outside of the shoulder strap, which i plan on fixing with a tiny tiny dart in the armpit, i want to add pockets to tuck the laces into, and i need a better lace for the back, but it’s completely wearable in time for the 90 weather next week which is all i wanted. i’ll do a reblog when it’s perfectly finished with an update on the fit but for now it is done enough 

the little ridge where it doesnt lay flat against the shoulder is most visible with just a single t shirt over it. with a flannel or a sweater, it disappears, and by itself, it’s hidden in movement

eta: after dyeing this, i relaced it a bit looser in the back and that gape mainly disappeared. ive decided to leave it in instead of smoothing it with a dart because the loose fabric gives space for my chest to expand when breathing and shapes my silhouette in a way that emphasizes my shoulders

[hoshi-kawaii]

I'm so so so jealous of people who get to leave the house and do activities and can be in sunlight and move comfortably in their own bodies who don't have to worry about what they might feel like just 10 minutes from now.

[delcat177]

Okay can we just look at this for two seconds please, for July Disability Pride Month if nothing else

This is the image description box.

When you click on an image to describe it, do you know where the image description box goes?

That's right! ON TOP OF THE IMAGE, SO YOU CAN'T SEE IT.

I believe in modern science and the ability to make this window movable. Like, this is a known technological marvel, dragging windows to one side.

Could we please for the love of God have that? I can't speak for anyone else, but it would make actually using this accessibility feature a LOT easier, it's just good UI sense

Thanks to anyone receiving this voidscream

[ineffectualbookseller]

The way Azirphale is underestimated and practically infantalized by heaven is so closely tied to his femininity and I think we should talk about it more because I just want to shout about how relatable the way he's treated in his workplace is as a woman working in a traditionally male field

It's in all the little niggling comments from your boss about personal things that hold no bearing on your work

and the assumption that what you're doing must be simple if it was assigned to you

your work is trivialized

and you get these the placating smiles when you're told plans and proposals are rejected and passed over

or when your complaints are dismissed

and you get more of the same from upper management

it all feels so frustrating and draining but you're at work so all you can do is take a breathe put on that mask and move on with your day

It is all so deteimental to your emotional well being and textually, so much of this is tied to Aziraphale's softness, his gayness - his femininity

The thing about working in an environment and gives you this feeling - of being simultaneously destrought watching your belief in yourself get chipped away but also just so irate becuase you know you don't deserve it - is how it builds. It sinks under your skin and feeds into this indignant dejection until you can have a moment of release - but Azirphale doesn't get to bitch about it over drinks with friends, he doesn't get a lunch break where he can go for a walk and listen to an angry scandi death metal playlist, he doesn't even get the chance to cry about it in the bathroom for 5 minutes before confronting it again

(And I talked a little bit about it in the tags of this beautiful photoset but this all comes into play whenever Crowley dismisses his plans or calls him an idiot. These are purely emotional reactions; I really don't think Crowley means much by it - he respects Aziraphale's opinion and genuinely thinks he's brilliant - but Crowley is so quick to use this terminology when Aziraphale is making a decision Crowley thinks is wrong and he doesn't know how much this hurts Aziraphale. Just like Aziraphale doesn't understand the true impact the Fall had on Crowley, Crowley doesn't understand the ways heaven has been tearing away at Aziraphale's self worth)

Aziraphale has been facing this constant drip of denigration since before the beginning of time and has never released the pressure valve. At this point, he's a bomb waiting to go off

[bisexualseraphim]

The fact that neurotypical and able-bodied people can’t comprehend that disabled people usually don’t like consistently being told “BEING DISABLED IS BAD!!! THE WAY YOU ARE IS FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG!!! YOU NEED TO BE CURED!!!” even in a ‘nice’ or ‘woke’ way shows how little they actually value our agency or even our worth as humans.

No, Stacy, I don’t want people fiddling with eugenics because they’re uncomfortable with me existing, I want you to. You know. Treat me like a person. Have help be there when I need it without treating me like I’m an invalid. Why is that apparently so much more difficult for you than telling me my existence is wrong and spending millions fiddling in a lab for unwanted “cures?” Whatever happened to listening to others and accepting them for who they are? Or do you only see disabled people as the poor, helpless invalids you can “help” cross the street without asking so you can get another Scouts badge?

[uncanny-tranny]

I love (sarcasm) that the two options for working when disabled are:

1. Work at the risk of (permanently) disabling yourself further. Go home to a paycheck that won't cover much, but at least you have money. Fight the urge to cry when you're home because you're in so much pain and you can't do basic things anymore

2. Don't work. You'll be in just as much pain, plus you will have even less money. Getting a disability check probably won't cover anything, but chin up! A single dollar is better than no dollar, right?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Nobody should be forced to make the decision to work or starve, but there's an added layer of torture when your body literally cannot handle these options. My heart goes out to us all, the world can change for the better

[cupidreamexe]

this disability pride month i wanna give a shout out to the people who 100% KNOW theyre disabled but have to deal with going through the tedious process of getting a proper official diagnosis. especially if youre just barely on the cusp of not quite meeting the diagnostic criteria so they dont want to diagnose you just yet. the ones who have to monitor their symptoms for months, even years, but the symptoms have melded so much in your daily life that its hard to keep track of whats a symptom and whats 'normal'.

i see you. you are strong. you are not overreacting. you are not faking it. you will get through this. you are not alone.

you are your own best advocate and you deserve to be heard.

[breadandblankets]

when duke's powers were coming in i bet he had some pretty crazy eyestrain/migraines, this may be photo sensitivity talking, but when your brain really isn't ready to take in a bunch of light it really likes to make you suffer for it

he probably carries sunglasses with him everywhere for when there's a lot of people/movement that triggers his powers to activate

on bad days he has to put his phone on a screen reader so he can use it without looking at the screen

he's also the epitome of "im just going to rest my eyes", most of the time he does, sometimes he just takes a nap. his siblings don't get it but Alfred and Bruce will 1000% join him cause yeah sometimes you just need to rest your eyes.

[switchcase]

We really need to stop this increase in people making assumptions about disabled peoples' access to care and their finances. Yes, especially if you are also disabled and saying this.

You don't know them. You cannot Decide that they must be wealthy or privileged or have never had poor medical experiences for having mobility aids or having had certain medical procedures or currently being treated or having diagnoses.

You just sound ignorant when you say stuff like "you clearly don't know what not having access to medical care is like" and prattling off a bunch of first world medical experiences to someone that not only has experienced every single one of those things already but grew up in the global south. Sorry you had those experiences but it doesn't mean you can tell other people what their experiences are or must be.

[hazel2468]

Something that I need people to understand, especially on this hellsite. Is that oppression does not depend on who you actually are.

It depends on how the world sees you.

If the world sees you as X identity. They will treat you as X identity, whether you are or not. If the world sees that you are not X identity, but they can use the oppression of X identity as a cudgel to make you act the way they want you to? They will use it.

Oppression is NOT dependent on who you actually are. It depends on how the world sees you. It depends on how people see you and what they decide to put on you because of that.

Oh. And when someone experiences a form of oppression that is NOT based in the reality of who they are? It's still that kind of oppression. It's not "misdirected"- it is still that kind of oppression being leveraged to maintain the current social climate.

[thenewgirl76]

I'll Make You Believe

While the whole "asking a ghost how they died is the worst taboo ever, so don't do it or you'll be in a world of hurt" headcanon is always fun to implement to either create temporary conflict or simply move the story along, I think it'd work just as well on both ends if it was only a minor offense.

Like if you were to ask a once living ecto being how they died the most negative response you'd get would either be some variation of "None of your business puny mortal" or an explanation using the most vividly graphic, stomach turning details as an act of petty revenge as well as insurance you never ask again.

So what could possibly be a way more serious, far more dangerous no-no when it comes to ghosts instead? Well, how about stating ghosts don't exist/there's no such things as ghosts? The reason why being you're invalidating the trauma they've experienced in their last moments.

Makes no difference whether you were aware of this or not. If they find out or worse, it's said to their face? You better hope they'll settle for beating you black-and-blue. Because the alternative is becoming a ghost yourself by the time they're done with you.

Now in dpxyj fics when Danny interacts with Wally and the whole "ghost are/aren't real" argument between them comes into play it's usually depicted as a trivial disagreement. But what if you were to make it more angsty by inserting this take on lack of ghostly etiquette?

Let's say after getting to know his teammates better Danny starts talking about his origins (in vague detail) and exploits, only to eventually be interrupted by Kid Flash declaring that he can't possibly be a ghost as they don't exist. And Robin, Aqualad, Miss Martian, and Superboy all become quite alarmed watching Danny go from easygoing to looking ready to beat Kid Flash to a pulp, as he's now fighting back his ghostly nature. To avoid giving in to the urge he abruptly leaves with a dismissive attitude, much to KF's confusion.

From there it spirals. KF, not realizing he's poking a hornets nest continuing to voice his skepticism whenever the opportunity comes up and each time Danny barely manages to keep it together. Until one day Danny in an explosive rage snatches up KF and in a tone colder than ice tells him he knows what he is, what he went through to reach that state, and that he has no need to justify any of it to him.

Then he leaves once more before he really loses it. Before going after him Miss Martian informs KF of how Danny opened his mind to her and that for his sake she hopes he never shares those memories of what he went through with him. Feeling bad now, KF tries to apologize once Danny returns. Which results in failure again and again since Danny keeps giving him the cold shoulder.

After having yet another apology disregarded KF, in mounting frustration blurts out that he wishes he understood what has Danny so convinced he's a ghost, unaware a certain wish twisting genie he was warned about had been invisibly lurking in the vicinity the instant Danny was elsewhere. Along with the rest of the regulars, as soon as KF's denials had spread to the Ghost Zone Desiree was on the warpath, intent on showing just how real ghosts truly were. By sheer spite and determination she beat everyone else to him, just in time to hear him say the forbidden word, presenting her with the perfect means of retribution.

With a "So you have wished it so shall it be" KF is magically transported to an underwater submarine, occupied by Black Manta. Unable to run as freely without potentially damaging the sub and causing it to flood, the fight upon his unexpected arrival is drawn out to the point KF starts to feel his hyper metabolism weakening him. It's when he's close to dying of starvation that one of the more incompetent goons sends him crashing into the stash of ectoplasm Manta had smuggled with the intent of using it to pollute the waters of Aquaman's Kingdom. The last thing KF sees before blacking out is Desiree looming over him with a smirk of satisfaction.

[dankgemestho]

I did a collab with @jonathankentstuff! Look at my boys!! Pose base is by wo_habum on Twitter! I drew Jon and Jon drew Damian!

Sorry about Jon's eyes I'm not used to drawing people looking at the camera and when I added pupils it looked so anime;; his eyes swallow me up I just stare like autism creature.