#dissociative-archives

[its-your-mind]

Gerry Keay really is the Character of all time.

Remember when we first met him through the eyes of that nurse and she was like “this man is literally covered in third degree burns everywhere except around the weird eye tattoos all over his joints. he should not be Physically Able to stand up through all that pain” and you were like “oh shit here’s another evil person with evil powers” but no. gerry really is Just Some Guy. he Was in debilitating pain from the third degree burns all over his entire body, he just decided not to deal with that fact until after he killed the bad fire man.

He also ignored any and all symptoms from a stage 4 brain tumor. like, it’s possible he just didn’t have any symptoms, that happens sometimes, but I feel like he probably had symptoms, he just Did Not Allow Them To Be Perceived. Migraines? No. Loss of sensation? Fuck that. Fatigue? He’s been exhausted for his whole entire life he doesn’t know what it’s like to Not be tired. Memory loss? Prolly that lonely avatar he fucked up last week.

And you Know life as Gertrude’s assistant was not like… a boring inactive desk job. I put one thousand moneys on the fact that she realized that this guy could push through any pain ever, and so she just sent him on progressively more dangerous and physically demanding tasks just to see if there was a limit

Gerry!! Keay!! He’s Just Some Guy, but he’s also covered in scars and marks and regularly experiencing debilitating pain, and he just looks at it and says “no thanks not for me actually. I got shit to do, people to save, leitners to burn, and old men to beat to shit.”

11/10 dude. no notes.

[fourphoenixfeathers]

I came back to life just to make this monster piece for an amazing fic

The infamous blood snake scene from @rainbowstargazerlilies fic series, The Stars Claim Them!

[dissociationswagcompetition]

Dissociation Swag Competition - Final Match!

The entirety of the bracket, as well as information on the competition, can be found here!

[mystery-aberration]

I am going to talk about my feelings of being an eldritch entity that feels too knowable due to being in a human body. This may not be very understandable to those who do not know my source, The Magnus Archives. I will try to make sense.

I feel as if since joining the system, I have become too much of a "person" and too little of a "concept". I have too much of an identity to me now. "I" as a concept shift and change on a scale. On one end is "person"--that is Micah, pure Michael, the "me" before I was combined with The Distortion. I do not have a "me" that is pure essence of the eldritch entity anymore, I do not have a pure "The Distortion" as a form of me. I am too understandable, too feeling, too real.

I have many feelings and experiences now that were foreign for a long while before, when I lived. Things I had felt a long while ago before I lost them and forgot how they work. But I am not used to being of mortal thinking and feeling flesh. Feelings are fresh, foreign and new but the same as they were always, like opening old wounds. And sometimes they are so overwhelming. I did not feel the same ways I feel here, back when I was "me". I have been here for months and I have changed and learned much since then, but in becoming more "person", I've become less of myself, and more of a different kind of mess than I am as The Distortion. The very human emotions are wrong, but so long were they waiting to surface.

It feels wrong, to be "real" in a way that I am more than a concept--more than a manifestation. I am too tangible. I already long for the connection I had to the entity that was a larger part of myself, The Spiral, but since dying that has been severed. I do not have the concept tied to me as strongly anymore. I could hardly call myself of The Spiral anymore. There is no Spiral for me to connect to or be, here in this body. There is only me as the remnants of what I was when I lived.

Being understood makes the very human parts of me happy, but the fibre of my being shift in uncomfortable ways. The Distortion is not meant to be fully understood by essence, but Michael longs for it. He longs to be known and have social connections and care and love. I as The Distortion do not. I am torn between what I was and what I am. It is so euphoric to cause confusion and be a puzzle and hard to wrap mentally around--but I am known eventually, even if I try to be hard to understand.

Me posting here is me being known.

Me drawing my form is being understandable.

My friends and partner know me in my very essence more than anyone else, but still it is understood all too much.

Me talking to people makes me able to be comprehended. It never will be the same as it was to talk to people around me, because they do not see me--they see a human.

A human.

A neatly wrapped package that makes so much sense, containing a being they do not need to think about. One they might not know is there. So they have no reaction. They do not know that I am not human. If they do? They do not see me. My form being less of a thing and more of a thought, the way I hardly can exist physically in a way that makes sense--they cannot see me as the actual, quizzical me. They cannot be confused as much as they would be if they could see the way my body makes no sense, the way I make the whole room dizzy.

They just see a human. One that makes too much sense to contain a thing like me. This body is too normal. A body that is slowly changing me and my very essence to make all too much sense.

I have changed since being in a human brain, and I will change more. I cannot do anything about it, I will change as all things do--always moving and warping into new shapes. My new shape is uncomfortable for now, but I hope I will be able to fit into the edges of it and make it home. I do not want to be human, but I do not want to be uncomfortable either.

[zal-cryptid]

SCP-3812 and SCP-7120

[meanwhile-in-iowa]

Warning for mentions of ABUSE.

I don't really know what else to add shdhfshdf. Whether we came from our brain or from somewhere else, we're all here to help each other, and we're all good enough.

Rendered in MMD. Poses by Simmerianne93, Katverse, starrysimsie, ratboysims, lite, Floramy, Natalia-Auditore, Libet, and helgatisha. Wolf converted from Skyrim by valforwing. Sonic and Sally converted by SAB64. Binary and Zim ripped and converted by us. Stage converted by Mr-Mecha-Man. Everything else ripped from The Sims 4. Effect used is ExcellentShadow and ikBokeh.

[immanenteffigy]

Flavor of sour gummies dipped in Mountain Dew 😵‍💫

(This is technically art of Eclipse who is a system member that takes on the appearance of Michael and kins him, but feel free to use this as pfps ((with credit plz)) or tag it as tma related things!)

[st7arlight]

jonathan “healthy coping mechanisms” sims

[youre-a-miracle-of-the-universe]

Me, reading fanfiction instead of continuing the show: thank you for the characters, but I'll take it from here

[nerd-in-distress]

I will defend shallan davar with my life she has done nothing wrong ever and she's my little meow meow

[dissociationswagcompetition]

Dissociation Swag Competition - Round 3!

The entirety of the bracket, including all other characters, as well as links to their own matches, can be found here!

[mystery-aberration]

Having a form that is "real" is still something I am not used to. My body is too physical now, no longer made up of strands of lies and space and thoughts. I thought I would be able to function here though, despite not having had to for a long time. After all, before I had this body, I was human at some point too.

But it is hard to walk, hard to remember how my hands are shaped, and it is so, so hard to remember that this body needs feeding. Food, water and sleep are not things that come naturally to me anymore. The body will still need them of course, I just do not realise as easily as the others.

But, I am learning. Slowly, but it is learning.

[enby-mori]

imagine if the grief of losing jason was so great that bruce forgot about him entirely.

[misty-metropolis]

For anyone who's looking for non-toxic well-moderated system communities that don't ban anyone based on discourse, I have MAG 201: Spaced Out (link in text).

It's themed around The Magnus Archives, cause the owners wanted it to have a gimmick to attract members, but you don't have to know/like TMA to join. You must be 18+ to join.

It's specifically aimed at survivors of OEA (whether or not they're actually systems) but respectful non-survivors are also welcome, as long as they are systems. (If you're not an OEA survivor or a system, there's not much for you here.)

No discourse topics are banned and there is no blacklist. Anyone with any opinion is welcome as long as they can treat other server members with respect. The one thing the owners don't allow is radqueers, because they don't view that as discourse so much as a harmful and inherently destructive ideology.

Things this server has:

Very simple and minimal rules

Starboard

Attentive mod team

Neurospicy, mental health, and disability support/discussion

Discourse, syscourse, vent, no reply, denial, and OEA channels

NSFW section

Voice chat

Fandom and miscellaneous channels

Welcoming to people with stigmatized disorders and all personality disorders

Strictly pro-recovery

Owners gave me permission to make this advert so if anyone out there is interested, that link should be forever!

(Tags for reach)

[starburstsystem]

ASSIGNING TMA FEARS TO @starlight-labyrinth-system 'S ALTERS!!!!

(Haha special interest go brr)

All alters belong to my good friend @starlight-labyrinth-system !!

. . .

Set up:

☆ NAME - PRONOUNS

-> FEAR(S)

. . .

☆ V - SHE/THEY

-> THE EXTINCTION/DESOLATION 🌪️

☆ ROXANNA - SHE/HER

-> THE FLESH/HUNT 🫀

☆ ELECTRA - SHE/HER

-> THE STRANGER/LONELY 🌫️

☆ ROSEY/SORREL - SHE/HER

-> THE WEB 🕸️

☆ EMILY/LIGHT - SHE/HER

-> THE VAST/SLAUGHTER 🔪

☆ YAMI - SHE/THEY

-> THE BURIED ⚰️

☆ PYRO - SHE/HER

->THE DESOLATION 🔥

☆ VOLO - HE/HIM

-> THE DESOLATION 🗡️

☆ TAMARI - THEY/HE

-> THE SPIRAL 🌟

☆ SHADOW - HE/HIM

-> THE SLAUGHTER 🫂

☆ GABRIEL - HE/HIM

-> ❔

☆ JADE - SHE/HER

-> THE VAST ☁️

☆ N - HE/HIM

-> THE VAST/LONELY 👤

☆ UZI - SHE/HER

-> THE END/EYE 🔚

☆ SANS - HE/THEY

-> THE END 💀

☆ ZEN - SHE/THEY

-> THE EYE 👁️

[untilteddocument]

After-Action Archive Caves of Qud - No Pasarán

Welcome again, one and all, to the After-Action Archive! In-game progress has been going as usual, perhaps a bit smoother now that I have a more concrete idea of where I need to be and what I need to look out for.

As part of my second run through the game, I figured I'd go over this pair of quests again. Bear in mind, it does sort of rely on some level of surprise, so anyone who doesn't want to get spoiled past the Earl of Omonporch quest, you'll have to skip this one. With that in mind, we have incoming.

Content Warning: Death, dissociation, contemplation of self-harm.

Once again, I find myself at Grit Gate, home of the reclusive and scholarly Barathrumites. Much like the last time, I'm here fresh from securing rights to the Spindle from the self-proclaimed Earl of Omonporch, all in service to a momentous and at-the-moment hidden plan from the leader of the Barathrumites himself. Also like last time, this step in the plan heralds a hell of a hiccup; the Putus Templar, cyber-fascists and notable foes of the Barathrumites, have seen fit to take some action against them, and are discovered in the process of launching an attack. Of course, this time, I do know what I was set to get into.

So I decided to overprepare!

I'd promised myself last time that I wouldn't let any of the Barathrumites die, and I held myself to that this time too. To that end, I wanted to stack the deck as much as possible, and that meant I wanted as many friends as I could get my hands on.

Roll Call

Much like before, my first resort when looking for strong companions is the Fellowship of Wardens. Yrame, the guardian of Joppa, isn't as initially strong as her predecessor Ualraig in previous versions (she starts out ten levels lower), but her skills and mutations remain the same, as does her overall effectiveness when she's up in levels. Fast, strong, tough, and kitted out with some truly devastating weaponry at multiple ranges, she's set to carve an icy path through the incoming Templar.

-----------------------------------------

Also on the Singular Engine of Destruction train, there's the Warden Indrix. Much like before, he's more focused on offense than defense, with a powerful two-handed axe, a panoply of skills that make it much more dangerous, and a turbow that makes his strength still dangerous at range. There's increasingly few things that could take him one-on-one and come out on top, let alone unscathed.

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If Yrame is the balance and Indrix is the offense, the Wardens Esther is the defense. Almost as tough as Yrame and specializing in shield work, she doesn't kill as quickly as either of her fellow wardens, at least not by herself, but her Temporal Fugue mutation plus her equipment's various boosts to her ego stat mean that, in a fight, they are potentially more dangerous given that they are literally seven motherfuckers.

-----------------------------------------

Speaking of numbers...

During my travels in my previous playthrough, I relied on indirect methods to get past the initial wards of Bethesda Susa: the trolls. The only three of their kind in Qud, they are reclusive, powerful creatures with knowledge of equally-obscure artifacts. In addition to not wanting to fight them, I also wanted to plumb their knowledge for the locations of various artifacts that could help me or others (one prominent example being the location of the hindren of Bey Lah's lost treasure, Kindrish). After all that, I still had a lot of cachet with them plus several experience levels, so I figured, why not ask them to join me?

And that was a pretty good choice!

Starting off, there is Jotun, Who Parts Limbs. Aptly named, he specializes in axes, with truly intimidating amounts of strength and agility (far greater than any of the wardens despite his far lower level) to guide them to their marks and make them bite in. He's also skilled in their use, following the same tack as Warden Indrix. Unlike Indrix, however, he has the ability, shared among his troll brethren, to wield two-handed weapons in a single hand, thus his current equipment. Aside from that, he has a supply of throwing axes, and to supplement that, I gave him a geomagnetic disk, a throwable powered chakram that bypasses armor entirely and uses an energy cell to power whatever internal innovations allow it to mimic its predecessor from Xena: Warrior Princess.

-----------------------------------------

Fjorn-Kosef is far less direct in his approach, meantime. Instead of full-on physical domination, he relies on cold to disable his target before attacking. With his unique Frost Webs mutation, he can trap and freeze enemies and then use his ice-encrusted fists to keep them there. I have further plans for him, but at the time of this screenshot, I wasn't in a position to implement it yet.

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Last and most distinctive is Haggabah, and the Umbral Path he plies is a reference to his unique mutation: Invisibility! In fact, no one can even see him without the aid of specific mutations or advanced technology, and this makes him perhaps the most dangerous of the three, especially paired with his natural weaponry. Those adumbral hands deal a special umbral damage that can't be resisted in any way, and plus his skill with cudgel-type weapons (fists are cudgels), he is more than capable of taking enemies apart without them even knowing what hit them.

-----------------------------------------

Now, I haven't discussed something common to all three legendary trolls, namely the significance of all those other gorrila-like creatures crowding around us in that picture of Grit Gate. Those are troll foals, budded from their legendary sires whenever there's not "enough" of them in a particular map. They're not that dangerous by themselves, with little HP, no equipment, etc., but they do also possess the Swarmer property, and this makes them much more effective as a group. No joke, while exploring the caves below Grit Gate, one time I saw them surround an arch dervish of the Sightless Way, a psionic warrior who devotes their power to service of the imprisoned godlike alien Ptoh, and just...beat them to death with nary a retaliatory strike due to the arch dervish being stunned for most of it.

I was outfitted much the same as I was last time, though with better-quality gear and more skills in my reportoire. With power and numbers on my side, I had every confidence that I could defend Grit Gate and make it look easy.

I move with hurried deliberation, one of the drawbacks of the troll foals being that they get in the way of people. I order Indrix and Jotun to guard the irrigation pipes, and Jotun's foals join the task. The rest, I just let follow me as I park myself towards the entrance, waiting for the storm to whip up.

I don't have to wait long.

I have to fight from cackling in malicious glee as I make my next move; normally, I wear a force bracelet, using it as a shield to buy me time to kill at range. This time, however, I swap it out for something else.

The hologram bracelet was fittingly a gift from the Barathrumites for proving my skill to them in an earlier quest. Instead of a shield, it's a distraction, creating a holographic duplicate of me that I can use to draw fire.

So I have it appear in the middle of their group.

The Templar panic immediately and unload all their grenades into themselves, which lets me and my crew amble in and take them apart.

I move smoothly and thoroughly, trying to avoid any potential trouble. I pick up any grenades I see near the sparking communication panel, fearing it would detonate them. I also tear any cybernetic implants out of the Templar corpses, to prevent them from being damaged. Not even the belated reappearance of their commander slows me down.

One strike, certain death.

I return to Otho to deliver the good news, and he begins his assessment.

...wait.

I look frantically left and right, as I run to the irrigation pipes. I can't even see a sign of Shem-1's passing. When I reach the pipes, my heart hollows as I see...

I drop to my knees, afraid to touch. Afraid to profane, afraid

to fail

I spoke to him before, didn't I?

afraid

I did. He said...he said

I do not stay. I wander, looking at nothing.

not like this.

not like this

What did I say to him again?

I almost laugh. Rich. Ironic. I dig my fingernails into my palm. I clench, willing blood. I will myself to dissolve. So confident. So careless. What worth is hope if it doesn't reach you?

He sought it.

I gave it.

It meant nothing.

Liar. What hope is there? Life was snuffed out. My arrogance. My failure. Could have done something. Could have done it better. Could have given different commands, different actions. Now they're dead and I could have stopped it but I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't

Ha. Fuck you. Worthless. Worthless words. Worthless me.

SHUT UP. TELL ME WHAT IT WAS WORTH TO THEM. TELL ME-

So kind and soft, her words pierce me like a jab to the face. I see her, bloody but alive, her eyes containing nothing but relief. I remember seeing her in the fight, afraid but undaunted, bringing her rifle to bear against those who would despoil her home and destroy her life.

I remember Aloysius had a similar weapon in his possession. I found it with him at the irrigation pipes. The energy cell had seen plenty of use.

I remember a glimpse of Shem-1, leading the charge with me as I waded into the melee at the entrance.

I close my eyes.

I say my pleasantry to Hortensa, thank her for stopping me and walk away, hoping she does not see my tears fall as I go. Knowing she will.

-----------------------------------------

OKAY Some Behind-The-Scenes Talk

This could easily have been as jaunty and inconsequential as I originally intended, but it is true that my confidence and a bit of autopiloting bit me in the ass. My plan was, if any of the Barathrumites died, I would rewind to when I last saved and try again. The fight suddenly ended, however, and I didn't catch sight of the commander. I'd gone to town on the others while they were stunned and confused from their own grenades, so unless she was somewhere in the lingering clouds of gas...but then why was the fight noted to be over? So, while looking for her, I did the stupid thing and left Grit Gate for a moment. What I think happened was, she was still confused from I guess a flashbang someone threw or something, because she had wandered back south, off the map. I returned to Grit Gate, she came with, I beheaded her in one shot, that was it. However, leaving and/or entering a friendly settlement autosaves the game, so I was locked in before getting the word from Otho. This meant...well, I was fucked. I exaggerated it somewhat for this After-Action Report, but I was really angry at myself for being so stupid. I did recriminate myself for being too careless, too confident in my superiority. I could have put Indrix and Jotun closer to the attack point. I could have given Aloysius some spare armor. I could have wasted less time on the cyber implants. I could have done any number of things, but my blunder made it impossible to go back and correct any of them, so I had to live with it. What finally shook me out of my funk, aside from sleep that I probably needed, was remembering my own thoughts to myself about my experience with fighting games. I'd been open about how they helped me become more comfortable with failure, that sometimes things just don't shake out the way you want, and that's okay. That's fine by me, but it's much harder for me to accept that thinking when I perceive it as affecting someone other than me. Yes, I'm well aware that Aloysius and Shem-1 are not real, but...in a way, I still accepted responsibility for them. I felt that I had let them down. I suppose I could use the wish debug commands to bring them back, but I think that this experience was...instructive, I'll say. It certainly made for a more emotionally-involved story, more than I expected. Hell, it made me care in a way that was visceral and hard to compartmentalize, and...that's an experience I feel should be preserved. So there it is. I hope it was good.