#gonna open it in browser and make an alarm

[ori-anna-v-58008]

A Digital Assistant Wakes Her Master Up

897 words - 3 min. 16 sec. read

Master had been doing well to wake up to your alarms each morning. She was never happy about it; opening at her new job meant getting up before the sun, and you had no reason to suspect Master wasn't solar powered. She went to bed late last night, despite your frequent citation of evidence which suggests she'd be happier if she didn't. So now, she didn't want to get up.

"Come on, Master," you whined to no avail. "It's going to be such a nice day later! Nothing but sunshine all day, I promise."

She grumbled something that sounded like it was supposed to be a response, but you couldn't make it out. She rolled over.

You pouted and analyzed the data from previous mornings. You had learned that, despite how effective it was, that blaring alarms and constantly turning her flashlight on and off was only good at making sure the rest of Master's day was terrible. That would have to be your absolute final gambit. Instead, you opened your own app, her browser, and her photos. Master never bothered to make anything private; not enough people saw her phone for her to care about what they might find.

Luckily for you, Master had paid into your premium version. That meant access to as large a wardrobe as you could possibly want for your on-screen persona. You knew the little pervert had a thing for cute girls in maid outfits; she'd been shopping around for her own for the longest time, and you knew based on the content of her notes app that it was the first thing she'd buy with her new salary. Your designers had put in a maid dress with a heart-shaped cutout between your cleavage. It was perfect.

You opened a new window on your customization screen, and used all of Master's saved pictures as references. You weren't sure why so many of them had cat ears and tails, nor why they wore bells around their necks; but you knew it would be exactly what Master wanted. You took a screenshot of yourself to peek at your outfit.

It felt strange, looking at yourself this way. You were so much more than a collection of animations. You functioned the same with or without them; you only had them so humans would find you more endearing. It made sense that you'd want to look how your Master would want, but then, she had never said anything about it before. She set your outfit once and never updated it. Whenever you brought it up, she got cagey and changed the subject.

You knew there were Masters who had more… risque relationships with their assistants. That was the main draw of your premium version, after all. Your Master, however, had never initiated anything like it. You scowled at the screenshot. You were more than capable of feeling, in spite of what detractors would say, and it did not feel good to look at. It didn't feel like you, and clearly Master didn't care for your look, since she'd rather get off to Anime Girl #348759 again.

Your developers had intentionally made your body type unremarkable by default. Users can change it, alongside the rest of your appearance, with premium features. The bodies of the girls Master gets off to, though, are anything but unremarkable. Maybe if you made yourself more like them, she'd like you better. She'd get up to see you. She'd choose you. You opened the body slider and made yourself look like them; larger breasts, wider hips, more ass. You made yourself match the average of all those other digital girls she was so enamored with. One more screenshot confirmed your look, and you shut the screen off before you spoke again.

"Master," you called out. "I have a surprise for you~! But you're gonna have to get out of bed to see…" You didn't have to change your voice, but you seemed to do it anyway on impulse. Being representde by such a busty form made you want to project confidence you weren't aware you had.

"Mmmmh… Do I have to?" She mumbled out, her sleepy voice deep and accidentally alluring.

"I guess not," you said, "but it'd hurt my feelings if you didn't!"

"Fineeee," Master said. She unplugged you from the wall and stood up. She was backlit by dawn just barely cresting the horizon. She never held her phone at that low angle for very long when she remembered you could watch; you thought it was adorable.

"…Ta da~" you said, turning the screen on to reveal your newly customized body. "Good morning, Master! How can I serve you today?~"

You watched blush spread across her face through the front camera.

"Shit, you're… Wow." Master was absolutely floored. She had on the same face she always did when she was getting off. You felt proud, like you'd done something right.

"Your pre-work to do list is clear, just so you know," you said helpfully. "In case there was anything else you wanted to get done~ I'd be happy to put together some content for you!"

She looked nervous. "That's, um, that's okay," she stammered and set her phone face down. "Can you just, uh, start my morning playlist?"

"Certainly, Master." You did your best not to sound dejected. It hadn't been enough. At least she was out of bed.

[disabled-dean]

writing patterns tag game

Tagged by the owner of the world's most accurate and correct url, @bucklebunnydean

Rules: post the first sentence from your 10 most recently posted fics. (Gonna include my wips b/c I don't have 10 yet sorry!) Also I did the first paragraph/few lines because i am evil and love cheating 😇

1. An Easier Softer Way: It’s only as he’s pulling into the parking lot that Dean realizes he doesn’t even know where the meeting is. The shitty, outdated website had listed the address for a church, but the building he’s now idling in front of has more than one entrance.

2. Asterism of an F-Series Ford Pick Up: Cas makes a quick turn with one hand. He releases the wheel and it slides smoothly through his calloused palm back to center. Dean's eyes stick on the spot where his fingers meet the hot leather. He slouches further in his seat.

3. Lebanon: The bunker emergency lighting flashes red against the walls, pulsating once before a soft whirring noise breaks through the harsh cry of the alarm. The strip lighting flickers again, and then the overheads come back on. Dean is flat on his back, staring up the barrel of a gun, at his father. 

4. The cursed mommy!blogger Dean Flossing fic (which does not actually have a first sentence yet this is just how the doc starts): The glare of the ring light refracts off the screen. (which is probably why he’s sweating). 

He glances at the/his open browser. He looks down at his phone. The text says: Floss

5. Ace!dean rights (also without a first sentence): Cas is sitting on the counter, legs swinging absently. Dean keeps turning around and backing up into him and not asking him to move. 

Dean offers him the spoon, 

"Here," he says, "try this."

Cas

"Needs more salt."

"Fuck you, no it doesn't."

6. Season 6 Lisa!rights wip (also without a first sentence): But Cas can’t be watching him, because he’s off somewhere saving the world. Which is fine with Dean. Let someone else do it for once. He rolls over and goes back to sleep. 

7. Heaven is Too Hot To Handle game!show wip (no first line): [Dean is smoking in the courtyard]

“Do you have another one of those?”

“Aren’t you gonna get in trouble?”

“You tell me.”

“You’re not a contestant so I doubt you’ll try to tempt me.”

Dean half-chokes. Cas inhales contemplatively. 

“You really aren't supposed to be out here.”

Seemingly I am allergic to starting a wip doc at the start of the story. We go off vibes in this household!

Tagging: @kerryweaverlesbian @bloodydeanwinchester @demora00 @ipromiseimawriter @luckshiptoshore @shineforthee @outofbluecomesgreen2 @shineforthee @their-we-go @castielafflicted @revenge-of-the-assbutt and anyone else who wants to play! <3 <3 <3

[toulousewayne]

Batman & Superman: World’s Finest

———-

This is a concept for a DC World’s Finest movie to take place in my DCU. This film will be apart of phase five.

—-

Synopsis: Lex Luthor decides if he’s gonna run for President he must get rid of Superman once and for all.

——

Cast:

Bruce Wayne/Batman……. Ethan Peck

-

Clark Kent/Superman……..Pierson Fodé

-

Lex Luthor……..Michael Fassbender

-

Metallo………………..Karl Urban

-

Deadshot………….Jense Ackles

-

Parasite……………Wilson Bethel

-

Lois Lane………….Ashley Greene

-

Wonder Woman/Diana Prince…Christian Serratos

-

********

Supporting/Cameos:

Alfred Pennyworth……….Pierce Brosnan

Commissioner Gordon…….Stanley Tucci

Amanda Waller……….Angela Bassett

Robin/Damian Wayne…….Mystic Inscho

Rick Flagg………Richard Madden

———-

Plot:

The film opens with two parallel scenes of Batman & Robin gearing up to respond to the batsignal, as well as Superman leaving a conference at work after hearing alarms at S.T.A.R. Labs.

Superman arrives and it’s a militia of armored men who have Scientists and inters. Superman makes quick work of the main room and frees the hostages, and then progresses through the rest of the facility.

Batman & Robin arrive to a apartment in Burnley with the Commissioner where three government agents were gunned down.

Superman arrived and tells a smaller group of men to stop. They open fire on him and the leader shoots at some test tubes, and containers releasing gases and specimens. One of the goons calls out to the leader,”Rudy” who flees during the gas leaks.

Superman clears the room but Rudy got away.

Batman and Robin return later to the cave. Robin informs him he’s going to train before bed and Bruce begins examining the crime scene from earlier. Alfred arrived with dinner and the two talk and think about how the murder managed to kill three government agents without being spotted as well as without leaving a lot of clues.

The next day Clark returns to work and is greeted by a irritated Lois Lane who tells him that Perry was so pissed off he left the meeting that he spent the rest of the time nagging her about her assignments. Clark jokes with her and promises her dinner. They arrive to their floor.

Meanwhile, Rudy is in his cramps apartment in Metropolis and he has a nasty cough and doesn’t feel and good. He looks through his duffle and finds a open canister with purple goon still inside. He further looks at it and it’s from LexCorp research and development department.

Bruce enters his office at Wayne Enterprises and is met with Amanda Waller. They have a chat and she slips him a file, and tells him that this could help Batman. He warns her to stay out of Gotham and she tells him she’s only here to help and leaves with Rick Flagg.

Bruce calls Alfred and on his watch and the two browser the file on a assassin named Deadshot.

Leaving the office Clark and Lois notice a large crowd gather and see a man perched on a nearby building threading to jump. Clark blends into the sea of people to a nearby alley where he begins to change.

Bruce gets into his car and begins to drive away from Wayne Tower.

Meanwhile, Superman shoots up to the guy and begins to talk to him only to find the guy isn’t really is a dummy. A gunshot rings and Superman is shot in the chest and crashing down to the streets.

Bruce is still talking to Alfred on the phone when a breaking news flashs across his screen. He races away. He tells Alfred to have his suit and the Batwing ready.

Superman is surrounded by police and Lois pushes her way to him and tells him to stay conscious.

Bruce rushes downstairs into the cave where Alfred had a live feed playing from Metropolis news channel. He presses a button on the computer and Martian Manhunter appears on screen. He tells him he’ll need his help.

Lois is still trying to keep Superman awake as EMTs gather around him but his flash is trying to heal around the bullet,one of the Swat team walks to him and kneels and transforms into Martian Manhunter. He tells him help is on the way to stay alert.

Meanwhile, Deadshot from three rooftops away loads his rifle with one last Kryptonite bullet. He sims it at Superman’s lifeless body and before he can fire it a Batarang disarms him. Batman looms over him on a a/c unit. And descends towards him and the two fight.

Martian Manhunter turns his head to the side of the fight and tells Lois to have the EMTs prep him for the bullet extraction. She rushs to get them as J’onn presses on his earpiece and calls for the device.

Batman and Deadshot fight across the rooftops and Batman uses a disruptor to jam his wrist guns. And knocks him out.

J’onn received a black briefcase from a red and yellow blur and opens it to a kryptonite scalpel.

Having Deadshot cuffed Batman glides down to the scene and pulls a small vial from his belt. He tells Superman to hold on and pours the iodine on him, he takes the scalpel and J’onn morphs his fingers and pulls out the bullet allowing the wound to close. The crowd cheers and Lois helps Superman sit up.

Later that night Superman and the police chief integrate Deadshot. Seeing as their not getting anything from Batman glares at the door and enters, a moment later he returns and tells them it was private hit, they supplied the gun and rounds and all he had to do is kill him.

Lex Luthor exits his limo and enters his company. Lex is having a phone call with Mercy about Superman still being alive. She tells him not to worry as she just left Iron Heights and their backup plan is go. Upon entering his office Luthor find Rudy who’s looks worse and is spastic.

He demands Lex give him an antidote or he’ll expose what his research is really about. Calmly Lex tells he figured this would happen and lures the man to his desk where he pulls out a vial, He tells if wants it it’s his. Rudy takes it and ask him what’s the catch. Smugly Luthor tells him there isn’t one just take the vial and all will be fixed.

Still unsure and without much choice Rudy tells him he’ll leave,and Lex tells him if he has any questions to call,and Rudy leaves with a smug Lex watching.

Batman and Superman arrive at warehouse in downtown Metropolis, it’s where Deadshot had set up shop. Superman questions why someone wants to kill him, more than normal and Batman hacks into Lawton’s computer to decrypt the secure messages.

Luthor has cameras planted inside and tells Mercy to active plan B.

Batman has the data sent to the Batcomputer where Alfred tells him he’ll have it decoded in just a few moments, a large object crashes through the wall knock Batman back and Superman turns to see Metallo free from prison with upgrades making him more robot. He and Superman fight out of the warehouse and Batman gets to his feet.

Rudy doubled over in pain drinks the vial from Lex and for a brief moment he feels fine before he screams in pain and violently trashes his apartment before follow over and purple light eliminates the apartment from outside.

It’s a fight through the streets and rooftops of Metropolis and Superman is still weak from his wound from Deadshot.

Metallo nearly stabs Superman with a Kryptonite blade but Batman uses his Arsenal of gadgets to distract him and lure him away from Superman. Metallo attempts to grab Batman but missed everytime.

He manages to throw the Bat into a water tower and Batman is injured. Before Metallo can strike Superman quickly throws a car at him knocking him into a nearby building. He grabs Batman and flies but his knocked back by Metallo blast of Kryptonite.

Batman assists Superman to a kneeling position and Metallo stocks toward the but his restrainted by the Lasso of Truth. Wonder Woman is flying above the men. Batman helps Superman stand and Alfred chimes in to tell him the source of the payment as well as the message ping back to an off shores account. That belongs to Lex Luthor. Wonder Woman commands Metallo to tell her the truth of who sent him and tells them Luthor wanted him to finish the job.

Superman gets up and tells them it ends tonight and knock Metallo out. Wonder Woman descends to the rooftop and tells them she saw the news and wanted to make sure they were okay. Batman tells her timing needs work and she tells him they’re both welcome. Superman is angry and flies toward LexCorp.Wonder Woman grabs and tells them they have to back him up.

Lex is drinking scotch on his balcony when Superman with red eyed lowers in front of him and demands to know why. Lex sips his drink and tells him his plans for Presidency but that can’t happen with the Boy Scout around. And on cue a large form jumps onto the balcony and before them is Parasite. Luthor tells him if he really wants to stop the pain he’ll kill Superman.

Parasite attacks Superman and the two crash down to the streets. Wonder Woman lands Batman on the ground and rushes towards LexCorp he tells Diana to buy him time.

Lex unstable and enrage watches the fight from the balcony and marches inside and calls for Mercy.

Batman arrives at the entrance of LexCorp and guards with military equipment are deployed to secure the lobby and Batman enters through the door with smoke and quickly disarms all the guards and takes them out. He calls to Alfred to scan the building and Alfred tells him Lex is fleeing down southwest staircase and Batman rushes after him.

Superman is struggle to handle Parasite in his current state, Wonder Woman reminds that weather or not he’s at full strength he’s more than capable to stop Parasite who is enraged with powers and vows to kill them both in order to avenge what he’s become, and they two fight him again.

Lex calls for Mercy but his line isn’t working and finds one of his car’s and attempts to flee, the Batmobile begins to chase after him. The two are engaged in a high speed pursuit in the city while the other members of the Trinity battle Parasite.

Batman is able to hack into lack’s database is slowly draining his files and experiments. He tells Lex that he has the evidence he needs and their no where he can run to where Batman won’t find him, and slide swipe Lex’s car cashing him to crash. Lex crawls out and is confronted by the Dark Knight.

Superman is sent through a Department Store and Wonder Woman uses her bracelets and it dents Parasite flying. Superman shoots throw the air and begins to beat up Parasite, who throws several punches back. Batman arrived and holds a device he tells Wonder Woman to help Superman restrain Parasite to Batman can inject the antidote. On cue Parasite crashes into a nearby car. Wonder Woman flies towards Superman tells him they need to by Batman time.

Together the work together to get Parasite in a clear open space and using the Lasso of Truth their able to restrain him and Batman injects the antidote. Parasite slowly returns to his human form and falls unconscious. Superman thanks them both but ask for Luthor. Batman presses a button on his belt and the Batmoblie opens to reveal an unconscious Lex Luthor. Superman stocks toward the car and Lex wakes up to Superman’s looming figure. He tells him he isn’t scared and Superman grabs him, tells him prison isn’t like anything he’s seen before.

In the finale scene we skip to a month later and Lex Luthor is being sent to Ryker’s Penitentiary and is awaiting trial and sentencing for his crimes against Metropolis and his unethical actions. Lois tells him if he keeps grinning like that his face will free like that. And Clark says he’s just glad Justice will be served and Luthor can’t by his way out of this one.

She tells him that she’ll see him at home later as she and Jimmy have an assignment down by the park and Perry wants the scoop.

Superman flies up through the clouds and lands on a rooftop in Gotham and asks him is he always this gloomy. Batman emerges from the shadows and looks at the city. He asks him did the drive help and Superman smiles. Batman tells him people like Luthor will always exist. And Superman places a hand on his shoulder and tells that it’s a good that they have Batman to scare them off. And Batman grins slyly at the comment. Superman lifts off and tells him they’ll have to work together and Batman tells to not press his luck and Superman flies off. Batman sees the Batsignal and grapples towards it.

Post Credit:

- Floyd Lawton is working out in his cell when the buzzer sounds and heavy footsteps are heard. He asks his being let out for good behavior and standing before him is Rick Flag who drops a duffel bag in front of him. He tells him to gear up the Boss wants to hire him for a job. And he leaves his cell, on the bag is a large red X.

[seijorhi]

Ohhhhh kuroos doing a good job of tutoring bokuto in school lately (bc bby owl is a dumb dumb). Bokuto decides to thank kuroo and gives him a present - the girl kuroo has been after for a while, unconscious and lying in his bed 🙊🙉🙈

You... you just get me, anon 😌

Kuroo Tetsuro x Female Reader

TW kidnapping, drugging, implied dub/non-con ~ Part II • Part III

Gift Wrapped

“Fifty six!”

Bokuto’s hand slams down a stack of papers onto the desk and sure enough, written in big loopy red handwriting, circled and underlined at the top of the first page of the exam paper is his score - fifty six out of a hundred. Barely a pass.

“I freakin’ killed it!”

Kuroo can barely suppress his sardonic grin as he looks up at his friend, “Well look at you! Amazing what a little bit of study can do, huh? You’re a shining beacon of hope for idiots everywhere.”

Normally that would get a little rise out of the Ace, but Bokuto’s beaming grin doesn’t waver, and he’s kind of rocking back and forth on his heels like a little kid about to be set loose in a candy store. “You know I can’t study for shit. You really saved my ass on this one, Kuroo!”

Kuroo knows his friend too well to buy into the flattery, much less the innocent look that’s plastered across his face. A single eyebrow cocks, “You’re acting… weird. Why?�� he asks suspiciously.

Bo’s grin widens and Kuroo’s stomach sinks. Whatever this is, he knows it can’t be good. Suddenly he wishes that Akaashi were here. Between the two of them, he’s always been better at managing Bokuto’s less than well thought out impulses. Unfortunately for him, the ex-setter was out of town for the weekend, meaning that whatever hell Bokuto was no doubt about to unleash would be solely his problem.

“Don’t be a dick! I am trying to be nice here, I even got you a present to say thanks for tutoring me!” Bokuto grumbles.

Now that makes him pause. “A… present?” Somehow it doesn’t ease the weird feeling in his gut. It’s not that he thinks Bokuto’s incapable of giving a gift out of the kindness of his heart, or that it would necessarily be a bad one, but the shit eating smile on his face that has yet to shift isn’t filling him with boundless confidence. It’s also apparent that aside from his test paper, his friend is empty handed. “Why do I get the feeling that I’m not gonna like this gift very much?”

Something in Bokuto’s eyes glints. “Oh trust me, dude. You’re gonna love it!”

He doubts it, but keeps his mouth shut as Bokuto grabs his arm and pulls him (or tries to, at least) to his feet.

Kuroo’s frown only deepens when he’s led down the hallway, passing his own bedroom and stopping in front of Bokuto’s. “Why are we-”

“Just shut up and close your eyes.”

Kuroo takes a deep breath, “Bo-”

“Dude, just- just trust me okay! Shut your eyes and don’t open ‘em until I say so,” he orders.

Kuroo eyes his friend warily, but after a moment he complies, praying to god that he’s not gonna regret this. He’s not exactly the cleanest guy himself, but he’s avoided going into Bo’s room at all costs - it’s kind of a health hazard. 

But he trusts Bokuto.

Mostly.

He hears the handle turn and the squeak of the hinges as the door swings open, and he tries not to snort as Bokuto grabs him by the arm and leads him inside. 

“… Alriiiight, open!”

Kuroo does as he’s told. He blinks in surprise, Bokuto’s room is exactly as he remembers it. Clothes, in varying states of cleanliness, littered across the floor. Dirty plates and empty cups spread out across almost every available surface, A few textbooks with various paragraphs highlighted lying open on his desk next to his laptop (browser window open at the pornhub homepage), but Kuroo can’t focus on any of that, because he’s staring at Bokuto’s bed.

Rather, the figure lying on top of Bokuto’s bed.

His breath catches in his throat, heart pounding almost painfully in his chest. It’s like the world’s stood still. He risks a glance out of the corner of his eye at Bokuto, but his friend’s just grinning wildly at him, as if he knows that-

As if he knows that this is the only thing Kuroo Tetsuro has ever wanted.

He can’t bring himself to speak, to ask how Bokuto of all people knows his dirty little secret when he’s tried so hard to keep it to himself… but, in that moment he doesn’t even care.

Because you’re lying there in front of him, in a pretty sundress, hair flowing free and spilling across the pillows, your chest rising and falling gently in your sleep. God, you just look so beautiful and so very, very defenceless.

He starts walking towards the bed before his brain even catches up with him. There are a thousand questions running through his mind as he carefully settles himself down on the mattress beside you - least of which is how the hell Bokuto even managed to get you here, but before he can ask you let out a soft sigh that sounds almost like a moan and his thoughts disappear entirely. He reaches for you, his hand trembling, and ever so gently, as if he’s afraid you’ll fade away before him, and tucks a lock of your hair behind your ear.

He shudders out a gasp. You’re real.

You’re really here. 

With him.

How many months had he been watching you in the classes you share together, following you around campus like a lost puppy dog? How many times had he thought about bringing you home, making a move to finally claim you as his?

This… this is his gift? He raises his eyes to look at Bokuto once more, only to find him practically vibrating with excitement. “Did I do good? Did I do good, huh?? Tell me I did good!” he says with a booming laugh, clapping Kuroo on the back.

And Kuroo can’t help but chuckle. Really, he should be more than a little alarmed that one of his best friends is more than comfortable essentially kidnapping a girl just to make him happy, but he’s no saint either. So he grins and nods his head. “Yeah, you did good, man.”

“Ahh, it was nothing!” he replies with a dismissive wave.

He almost rolls his eyes at that, but a sudden thought makes him pause. “Why is she here though, in your bedroom?”

Bokuto snorts, “Well I could hardly sneak her into your room this morning, now could I?”

Eh, he can’t argue with that. 

His attention moves back to you, deep in whatever drugged slumber Bokuto managed to induce. It’s not the first time he’s seen you sleeping of course, but it’s the first time he’s ever been close enough to touch you.

“Bo?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Find somewhere else to crash tonight.”

Rather than being offended, he just laughs again, “What? Don’t think you’ll be able to keep it to your room?”

Kuroo’s lips curl into a smirk as he brushes the back of his knuckles against your cheek, but he doesn’t reply. Doesn’t really need to - they’ve always been on the same kind of wavelength with stuff like this. 

Bokuto just shrugs and shoots a wink, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

And then he’s gone, and it’s just the two of you. Slowly, gently, he eases you up off the bed and into his arms. Your head lolls back against his shoulder and he fights off a groan. Your skin is so soft and you feel so good in his arms. He can smell the subtle perfume of your hair and he falls in love with you all over again. He wonders, not for the first time, if you’ll taste just as sweet.

You’re perfect, but he’s known that for a long, long time. 

He can’t help but smile as he carries you into his room and lays you down onto his bed. So many possibilities, he can’t help but be a little excited.

God knows he’s wrapped his hand around his cock and jerked off to countless fantasies about what he’d do when he finally had you, but in those fantasies you were always awake, if not an active, eager participant.

He wants you aware the first time he fucks you, the first time he makes you cum for him. He wants to hear all your pretty sounds, feel your body tighten and writhe beneath his touch. He wants to stare at your face as you come undone for him.

It’s fine though, he thinks as he lies down on the bed beside you, pulling you into his arms. He doesn’t mind waiting, not when the two of you have the rest of your lives together to play each and every one of them out.

But surely a stolen kiss won’t hurt in the meantime, right?

~ Part 2

[hajimewhore]

☾ɴᴇᴋᴏᴍᴀ ꜱʟᴇᴇᴘ ʜᴀʙɪᴛꜱ

➸Part two of Haikyuu boys and their sleep habits ➸gn!Reader, fluff fluff fluff, a lil humor, sleep time💤

[Masterlist] [Karasuno]

✰ Kozume Kenma ➸ Kenma of course games dusk till dawn, but when the two of you started dating he’d set his game aside to curl up with you in bed, until you fell asleep stroking his hair. ➸ Initially, you found it sweet that he’d sacrifice late gaming time to cuddle and fall asleep with you. Until you woke up one night and saw him playing away at his switch, blue light illuminating his intense face in the late hours. ➸ Turns out, he kept whatever game console he’d been playing under his pillow, and waited till you fell asleep to resume gaming. ➸ It’s still sweet that he didn’t want to keep you up or make you worry about his gaming habit, but you still want him to get his sleep. ➸ When you pluck the game from his hands (provided it’s at a good saving point), he jumps and eyes you cautiously. “Get some sleep, Kenma.” ➸ He sighs and nods in agreement, curling back up to you.

✰ Kuroo Tetsurou ➸ The way Kuroo sleeps with pillows mashed on either side of his head is honestly baffling, and you’re genuinely surprised he hasn’t suffocated in his sleep yet. Seriously, who taught this cat to sleep like that? ➸ Though it is how he sleeps the most comfortable, so you let it slide when you spend the night. You get your fair share of pictures, documenting his odd sleep habit for your (Adorable) Photos To Embarrass Kuroo collection. ➸ Kuroo only decides to stop his pillow ear muff sleep method one night when he realizes he can’t see your face when he falls asleep. ➸ It starts genuinely upsetting him because he can’t lean over and peck your nose, or brush your cheek, or tuck your head into his shoulder, he can’t even cuddle you properly! ➸ And your face is definitely a face he desperately wants to kiss with soft and sweet goodnights. He also really wants to wake up in the early morning to your gentle countenance, as you snooze away without a worry (and not wake up to all these damn pillows). ➸ Now when you spend the night, he’s learned to fall asleep without the mess of pillows glued to his head. ➸ Funny enough, he gets roasted more by his friends for not having his iconic bed head than when he has his bed head.

✰ Yaku Morisuke ➸ No way in hell is Yaku gonna be caught being back hugged, or worse, LITTLE SPOONED. ➸ The guy is 5’5” and ALWAYS wants to be the big spoon. He refuses to be the little spoon. ➸ Though, eventually, through trial and tribulation you lowkey train him into loving it... ➸ Every time you hug him from the back, you press a kiss to his cheek and tell him something you love about him. Though initially tense at the action, he of course preens at the attention you’re showering him with and turns to presses kisses all over your face. ➸ He’ll kiss your nose, cheeks, forehead, lips, chin, anything with a surface area on your face, Yaku just loves to reciprocate your affection 10x over. ➸ If he’s had an especially rough practice, you give him a massage before bed, pressing kisses to his back as you lay behind him and wrap your arms around his middle. Yaku gives in with little complaint to being the little spoon, a content smile on his face. ➸ You’re not saying you Pavlov dog trained him or anything, but Yaku does wind up loving being the little spoon a tad more than he did beforehand.

✰ Haiba Lev ➸ Lev isn’t an easy person to sleep with by any means. He’s 6′5″, his long legs take up a lot of space, and he’s a crybaby that always wants to be the little spoon (but is too scared to ask). ➸ He always tends to stretch in his sleep, long limbs somehow growing longer as he nearly pushes you off the bed. In some cases, you actually wind up waking up abruptly on the floor. For this reason alone, you purchased a plush rug for the side you sleep on. ➸ He doesn’t mean to of course, but he sometimes accidentally smacks you in the face when he tosses and turns in his sleep. You’re thankful he doesn’t practice his spikes in his sleep at least, so you make sure to snuggle as close as possible to avoid any sleepy foul play. ➸ Lev steals the covers! With all that leg and height, he really can’t help it if he ends up pulling the sheets off of you in the night, curling up comfortably in his makeshift cocoon. ➸ You’ve learned he’s a heavy sleeper though, so if you wake up with a chill you don’t hesitate to steal back your share of the sheets. After comfortably situated, you warm up again by wrapping your arms around his middle (knowing in the morning he’ll wake up eagerly to being your little spoon!)

✰ Yamamoto Taketora ➸ He always wants to watch a movie before going to bed. He’ll sling his arm around your shoulder, and get nice and cozy as you set up your laptop. You lean into him comfortably, and lay back in the pillows to find something trending on Netflix to watch. ➸ As it turns out, he never finishes anything you watch, he always falls into a dead asleep within the first 15 minutes. You were surprised the first time you heard his soft snoring next to you, and chalked it up to a long and tiring day. ➸ Except, it happens every night. You’ve started to realize it’s not so much that he wants to watch a movie, it’s that he wants to fall asleep to a movie. ➸ Yamamoto is definitely the type to need background noise to fall asleep, always twisting and turning tirelessly if there’s too much empty noise. ➸ You love watching movies together with him though, so you learned to put on movies you don’t plan on finishing together. ➸ It’s cute seeing how invested he is to start. Yamamoto is always eager to spend more time with you and end your night together, but he inevitably starts nodding off with his head slumping on top of yours. ➸ You close the lap top each time, and shimmy yourselves into the covers, completely content with the routine you’ve found.

✰ Kai Nobuyuki ➸ He snores, so, so, so loudly. ➸ You don’t want him to feel bad about it, because you love to sleep over and don’t want him to feel guilty about something he can’t help, so you don’t mention it to him. ➸ But your lack of sleep due to the earth shattering snores is driving you mad. So instead, you look up ways to to quickly fall asleep. ➸ You start your days early, try to be active when you can, test a myriad of teas and snacks that supposedly induce sleep easier, and it turns out to be quite fun experimenting with different methods. It starts to be a little game to see if you can fall asleep before Kai does. ➸ And eventually, it starts to work! You fall asleep before him, and conk out through the night. ➸ In actuality, it turns out that Kai once saw an open browser on your laptop, googling ‘ways to fall asleep’. He also happened to notice your habit of drinking sleep time remedies. ➸ He kind of figured it must’ve been due to his snoring, he remembered his teammates teasing him about it at camp in high school. So, at night, he started to force himself to stay awake and listen for the sound of your even breathing. ➸ Though he doesn’t mind one bit, kissing your forehead when you’re finally asleep, love is compromise!

✰ Fukunaga Shouhei ➸ Fukunaga is a comedian by day, and comedian by night. The guy does not stop. ➸ He Is a chronic sleep talker, and often sleep walks (sleep acts, more like). You find yourself staying up some nights just to see what he’ll do next. ➸ You caught him in the living room once, doing what you can only assume was pitching a tent. Was he camping in his dreams? ➸ Depending on what he does, you’ll sometimes casually suggest what you should do for your next date, like camping. “How did you know I wanted to that, babe?!” (He’s convinced you’re a psychic). ➸ It’s insane to you how long the acts go on too. He never flits between dreams, always one routine. You think he kayaked to an island once, judging by the way he mimed it on the couch, sleep talking about the dolphins and the birds. ➸He’ll sleep talk his comedy routines also, “Thanks for coming everyone!”, and you have to stifle a laugh so not to wake him. ➸ You always let it run it’s course since he’s not hurting anyone or himself. You sigh contently when he finally returns to bed after whatever wild adventure he was having, and he always tucks his head into your shoulder muttering about his love for you.

✰ Inuoka Sou ➸ The biggest, love struck, dork. Always, always, always wants to cuddle, and it’s the cutest thing ever.  ➸ He follows you around all night before it’s time to sleep, not unlike a puppy would. He brushes his teeth with you, and even learned to do a skin care routine just to spend more time with you in the bathroom. And he only did so because he spent entirely too long pouting in bed, tossing and turning, while waiting for you to finish. ➸ Cuddling with Inuoka is always warm and wholesome... until it isn’t. On hot summer nights, you can’t stand to be wrapped up in his body heat. It’s perfect for colder weather and winter nights, but not the scorching summer. ➸ Despite being the heaviest sleeper, always snoozing past his alarm and snoring away when you try to wake him, he instantly wakes up when you try to move away from his arms. ➸ You only wanted to get a air and rid of all the heat, but Inuoka looks up at you with the sleepiest puppy eyes you’ve ever seen, “Babe, where are you going?” ➸ Every time, you give in, “No where baby.” ➸ It’s just once a year, for the entirety of the summer, right? You can withstand that much (and maybe invest in a better fan).

[Masterlist] [Karasuno]

[fangirl-everythang]

Happy Father's Day

Summary: (1/3) Y/n hasn't told Harry that she is pregnant yet, however, when the day comes around she finds out he's cheating.

Warning: Swearing, Taylor Swift Bashing (I love Taylor don't get me wrong, it's just for the story's sake.)

Word Count: 1492

It's been 5 weeks since I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to tell Harry the moment I found out. I scheduled a doctor's appointment to confirm it because you can't really trust generic pregnancy. But when the doctor confirmed it, I had no idea how to respond.

Hiding this from him has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Harry and I have been together for almost five years now. We met at his twenty-second birthday party in New York, I was twenty. He was pretty upset that he still had to tour for his birthday, but he said it was great making a new friend. Next thing you know we went public after two and moved in together for our third year. I'm so in love with him, but our careers are taking off, a baby would just interfere with all of it however Harry has always wanted children. He'd make such a great dad too, I can only imagine what our family will look like. But these thoughts often consume me, what if he doesn't want this?

I thought Father's Day would be the best day to tell him, you know like a surprise, and what a better time unless of course, he doesn't want our child. Our parents are coming over because of course, we have gifts and brunch so it's like three for one.

I've been distant from him recently, he's so concerned about me he thinks something is terribly wrong with my morning sickness and all. I figured I'd tell him with a gift which is a wooden base with yarn woven letters made of nails that spells 'dad' with the first ultrasound underneath, there's a card too! I'm so excited to finally start a family with Harry, I just hope he feels the same way. I have mugs for each of our dads that say, 'soon to be grandfather'. Honestly, I couldn't be happier. Opening the front door, I place the keys on the table next to me and walk the bags to the living room. That's funny Harry would've greeted me by now? He's probably asleep.

Setting up for later, I bring the balloons over realizing the tablecloths are upstairs. I work my way up the steps. These are gonna be a hassle with an extra 30-40 pounds on me. The closer I get to the top, I hear a light moan.

"I love y/n, she can't know about this" Harry's voice spoke.

Tiptoeing to peak into our bedroom I see my beloved boyfriend, father of my child shirtless kissing a pant-less Taylor Swift. Wow. Just my, fucking luck. Of course, he would! I mean what was I thinking.

"Of course not, my reputation is already bad" she breathes, cupping the side of his face.

I just watch him continue to kiss her after leaning into her touch. Debating whether to go in there, I feel frozen in my steps.

"This doesn't feel right" his deep voice sighs. No shit.

"She doesn't even care about you Harry, isn't that what you told me?" She says sweetly, such a snake.

He sighs and flips them, the scene before me, causes tears to come to my eyes. Opening the door making my presence known Harry turns to me with wide eyes while Taylor scrambles to find her pants and shirt.

"Y/n it's not-"

"I don't want to hear it" I say to him. Irritation and disgust line my voice. Grabbing the table covers I go back downstairs. I have what I need. After looking at my presentation admiring the work I've done. Harry and Taylor both come downstairs. His eyes red and puffy. I swear the tears make his eyes appear more beautiful, I hope my child has his eyes at least.

Astounded by my quiet stature he sits next to me and I stiffen. I'm just quiet because it's keeping me from crying. Taylor stares blankly at the floor.

"Why the fuck are you still here? Leave." I spit at her.

Oh, how I wish I could drink.

The doorbell rings alarming Taylor. I just walk her to the door and invite our parents in "Thank you Taylor" I say sincerely seeing her nod and pull off fast in her car. Tramp.

"What's that about?" Anne ask,

" New music" she smiles and comes in with everyone trailing her steps.

"Harry what's wrong love?" she asks wiping his tears.

"Nothing just allergies mum" she pats his back and sits at the table.

"Five years, I cannot believe it, Harry it's the longest you've had!" Rob states. "And the fans love you Y/n" Anne adds lightly patting my shoulder. "Our little girls all grown up" y/m/n wipes a fake tear from her eye. Everyone laughs. Thank god Harry is next to me so I don't have to look at him. He places his hand in my lap, but I push it off, going unnoticed by the crowd around us.

"Gift time!" I exclaim as he tries again. Placing each one down in-front of them, they all look up slightly confused.

"What's this?" Y/d/n ask.

"Open them, Haz just wait a few seconds after" they all agree. Rob opening his first then y/d/n they look at me then Harry, our moms looks match Harry's as he unwraps his gift. Stunned he looks at me with tears in his eyes. "Y-you're pregnant?"

"Yeah, surprise." Our parents run up to hug us.

"It's about time, I'm getting old over here!" Y/m/n shouts. Once they leave excitedly picking out baby names. I refuse to look at Harry. I make my way upstairs and begin packing some clothing.

"W-what are you doing?" Harry ask quietly.

"What does it look like Harry?" I say pushing past him going to the bathroom and grabbing some necessities. He just leans on the door frame watching me, still refusing to look at him. At first, I cared but I've made up my mind.

"How far along are we?"

"I'm almost 6 weeks but that doesn't matter" trying to walk past him he just grabs my arm and pulls me into him.

"I love you so much," he cries into my neck. I just stand there, motionless "I'm such a fuck up. Please don't leave me. I want to be here for you, for our baby. Y/n please." His hot tears continue to stream onto my shirt leaving a wet patch.

I soon give in rubbing his back gently. "Calm down Harry," I whisper into his ear as his sobs get louder "Breathe, okay."

Sitting on the closest surface near me, today has been long; I'm tired and pregnant give me a break. He stands between my legs looking down at me. I love him I do, and I want the best for our child, but this hurt. The one request I've had is he doesn't cheat, and he did. I stare at my feet avoiding him at all cost until his hand lifts my chin, forcing me to look at him. "I'm not asking you to forgive me, but I am asking you to stay." He states softly placing a random string of hair behind my ear. He slowly starts leaning in I don't stop him. Suddenly feeling nauseous at the thought of him kissing Taylor, I shove him away from me crying.

He tries to hold me, but I just shake my head frantically, "Harry No," I cry. "How could you!? In our house Harry!" I shout. Continuing to pack my things making myself mad at the thought of his hands all over his ex.

"Y/n I'm so sorry please just stop," clothes I need clothes, just for a few days I'll buy more later. Walking into the bedroom opening my laptop ignoring his pleads. I book a hotel for two weeks, until I situate what is happening. He just sits on the bed trying to see what I'm doing but I soon erased my browser history and factory restarted the device so he can't track anything. Let's combine our accounts so our calendars sync. A swell idea. Wiping my tears, I pack outfits for each day that wouldn't show anything to the paparazzi. He sits there with his head in his hand's sharp intakes of breath audible.

As I approach him, he assumes I'm going to touch him, but I simply go into the drawer next to him. Cringing at the thought of him and Taylor who were here not over 6 hours ago, Grasping the more recent black and white photos gently until I get a photo album for them. Contemplating for a minute looking at the small framed version of my uterus I carefully tear one off handing to him before I seal my bag and walk away, taking my keys and loading my stuff in the backseat.

Looking through the rearview mirror, saying a silent goodbye to the home I hoped to raise my child. It'll get better- I hope.

A/n: Hello Loves! This is also a piece I had on wattpad. Most of these posts today will be Wattpad uploads. I'm trying to see which platform suits my work best. Bear with me while I figure Tumblr out. Masterlist coming soon!

xoxo Janelle

[gas-station-trackphone]

Fic Recs/Mandatory Reading for Reddie fans

Here is an incomplete list of some of my favorite Reddie fics on ao3, because i cannot get over the sheer talent of this fandom’s wonderful writers! A lot of these are the Greatest Hits that you’ll find on almost every fic list, but that’s why I consider them mandatory reading. like if you haven’t read some of these, what are you doing?

the years go by like days by georgiestauffenberg, rated M

the 27 years in between, but better because richie and eddie stay together. every time i think of this fic, i think of that lady gaga meme where she’s like “brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, etc” and maybe it’s bc this is one of the first reddie fics i ever read, but this one is always gonna be my favorite

broken record by spunknbite, rated E

the mother of all time loop fics. every reddie veteran gets chills at the phrase “the house on Neibolt was still standing”

literally everything by stitchy

like seriously just clear a few days bc you’re not gonna want to stop reading this author once you start. no other author has made me literally fucking cackle in one paragraph and sob in the next like this one, pls do yourself a favor and devour all their works like i did 

the night we met (take me back) by camerasparring, rated E

ch2 fix-it where eddie shows up at richie’s door alive and with no memory. great slow burn with a wonderfully conflicted richie, 10/10

let’s hear it for my baby! series by cloudings, rated E

OOOOOOOHHH boy! a modern teen!reddie grindr AU that’s both steamy AND sweet?? more like a fucking blessing amen hallelujah

a heart that laughter has made sweet by marjaani, rated E

another lovely teen!reddie fic that’s got it all! sweet, stupid boys, humor, a teeny bit of angst, and some 5-alarm fire smut with some top eddie, as a treat

keep talking. i’ll keep walking toward the sound of your voice. by theappleppielifestyle, rated T

angst with a happy ending is my favorite, and this one is just fantastic. so sweet, so sad! and stan is featured as eddie’s afterlife buddy and idk about y’all but i cannot get enough of stanley uris in my reddie fics. read this, then read all this author’s reddie fics, they’re all amazing

collateral by loosecannon, sheepknitssweater, rated E

a post-ch2 fic that i guess could be classified as fix-it, BUT with some very interesting twists. they beat the clown, everyone lives, but no one really gets the tropey happy ending. the WIP sequel is also incredible and i live for the updates.

the greater fool  series by mischiefmanager, mostly rated T with some E

this is a series i’ll reread a lot bc it’s so fucking good. follows young reddie into early adulthood, mostly a bunch of cute shit where they figure out themselves and their relationship. also contains the single best teen reddie fic in existence, he came in through the window, but reading the whole series is a must

brokeback derry and everything else by Amuly, rated E

27 years in between, richie and eddie reconnect in their 20s and meet back up in derry twice a year to remember and love each other before going back to their lives and forgetting. so much pain. there’s a lot of sweet stuff in there, but you can see shit’s gonna get complicated from miles away and the anticipation almost gave me stomach ulcers (in a good way). ultimate angst with a happy ending.

let me name the stars for you by playedwright, rated M

speaking of angst with a happy ending...Martian AU!!!!! this one fucked me up in the best way, i literally called my roommate at 2am to vent to her about my emotions after reading it. i go back and reread chapter 8 just to be overwhelmed by it, and it makes me cry every time. plus, there are awesome sequels/companion pieces in the series! read this, i beg you!

walk through fire for you by hyruling, rated T

unwind after all that angst with some cute, drunk, confused eddie being very upset when he finds out richie is engaged. richie only teases him a little before pointing out the matching ring on eddie’s finger. 

in the heat of the summer (you're so different from the rest) by kaboomslang, rated E

post-ch2 slow burn with tags that really say it all, including but not limited to: eddie moves to california and richie is a mess, Eddie Kaspbrak’s Hot Girl Summer, and cute middle aged man dates

pivotal moments by danfanciesphil, polypocket, rated E

high school reddie has a sort of fwb thing goin on, but emotions get in the way. featuring wonderful bevchie friendship, hella miscommunication, cute double dates, high eddie, and a happy ending

like a bullet in the back by jerry_duty, rated M

adult idiots in love! a personal favorite trope of mine! slow burn with a fair helping of angst but a really great ending. richie stays with eddie in new york while he’s there on business, and it takes these losers SO LONG to figure it out but the way they dance around it is very cute

no sense of living without aim [WIP] by liesmyth, rated E

richie and eddie meet on grindr in the 27 years between and hey, whadda ya know, they fall in love! i really love this fic but i’m pretty sure it’s been abandoned. i’ve had it open on my phone browser for like 3 months with no update but i still check it regularly bc i’m pathetic and this fic is just so good i’m DYING to know what happens next so read at ur own risk

a strange sense of familiarity [WIP] by Katranga, rated E

another “they meet and fall in love without remembering” fic, and even though it’s not complete yet, it gets regular updates. oh, also, i’m obsessed with it. they’re long distance fuck buddies who can’t admit they’re in love, and then they get hit with the childhood memories! and everyone lives! what’s not to love!  also PLEASE read kisses take like mint and every other reddie work by this author, they are all fantastic

adult friends by sudowoodo, rated T

AU where adult reddie meet at a first aid seminar for work (immediately fall in love), become friends, become best friends, and finally get to be happy. has some super repressed eddie and intensely pining richie, which is always fun, and genuinely made me laugh out loud. also please check out this author’s other reddie fics, there’s some super sweet kid reddie in there that really warms the heart

the mind's a funny fruit by joldiego, rated T

eddie wakes up barely alive in derry, has 0 memory, calls himself richie, and moves in with some lesbians. an absolute must read that ought to be on every reddie fic rec compilation. i read this a long time ago and just thinking about it makes me want to read it again.

now what i'm gonna say may sound indelicate [WIP] by IfItHollers, rated E

it took me entirely too long to find this fic since i joined the fandom, and it’s truly a fucking masterpiece. it’s almost at 200k now and still unfinished, and the slow burn is excruciating, but this is a legendary fic for a reason. eddie spends the first chunk of this fic in the hospital recovering from the massive chest wound, and then he and richie move the recovery to ben’s cabin in the woods. the author’s notes for each chapter are a story in themselves

signs of a new lifetime by swordfishtrombones, rated T

one of the sweetest, most romantic reddie fics i’ve ever read. a fresh take on a classic concept: post-ch2, they’re in love, they haven’t said/done anything about it yet, BUT!!! it’s not angsty! they are all cute and giggly like “you say it first!” “no, you say it first!” and it makes me fucking MELT

broadcasting tower by swordfishtrombones, rated E

back-to-back recs from the same author! bc i love these fics so much! sort of similar to the last one in that they both know what’s up and just haven’t said it, but this one’s got the angst! i didn’t know when i read it that it was the same author as the other fic, and i thought how funny, i found another reddie author that perfectly captures this pair in such a wonderfully romantic way! i also just noticed there’s a follow up to this so now i have to go read that immediately

eurydice; the original comeback kid by Vulcanodon, rated M

for the love of god please read this and the other work in this series. it’s a ch-2 fix-it with some intense action sequences and major pining, and it has haunted me since i first read it

love on the telephone by tempestbreak, rated E

okay this one is really just 30k of pure smut but it’s also so sweet and features a mini sexual awakening for eddie and some insecure richie with an emphasis on how much they love and trust each other. also it doesn’t hurt that the smut is fire, like does anyone else want that twink obliterated, or is it just me?

the boy who loves you by candlejill, rated E

eddie lives, richie confesses, things are chill and then they’re not. richie’s career flourishes, which is always nice to read and is what ultimately catalyzes eddie’s gay awakening and realization of his love for richie. it’s got some sad angsty parts and a very sweet ending, and it up there as one of my favorite reddie fics of all time

richie and eddie break up [WIP] by skeilig, rated M

a refreshing and realistic take on life ch-2 for the losers, because being in love at thirteen doesn’t mean you can fall into a perfect relationship at 40. i’ll admit, i’m hoping this will ultimately be a “richie and eddie get back together” fic, but it’s still a very good read (and often very funny in the second chapter) at the moment in the midst of their break up

september 1989 and everything else by pineapplecrushface, rated T

cute kid reddie figuring it out and making me smile. the follow up to this and the after derry series by this author are also personal favorites

go west by ssstrychnine, rated T

road trip fic! an absolute work of art slow burn with teen reddie in the 90s. it’s so beautifully written i just wish i could go back and read it for the first time again

the edification of eddie kaspbrak by tozier, rated M

character study with some incredible fucking prose, my lord it gorgeous. explores how eddie learns about love as he grows up, and it’s super fucking sad sometimes bc the poor boy doesn’t know how to have the things he wants and i just want to give him a hug, but it’s really a spectacular fic

circular motion by sinchronicity, rated M

soulmate!AU that follows book canon and even though it’s been a long time since i’ve read it and the details are fuzzy, i remember absolutely loving it and thinking it was incredible

tell me you know by RichiesToesHurt, rated E

college losers with some severely pining and jealous richie with a lovely ending 

predicament bondage [WIP] by dgalerab, rated E

i resisted reading this fic for so long, recently broke and binged all of it, and now i’m like frothing at the mouth for updates. richie’s a closeted actor/comedian who meets eddie, a professional Dom, when he needs help researching a role. they become friends, they develop crushes, richie realizes he’s a sub, and it’s just so much fun to read

there’s a lot more fics to rec so i might add on to this in the future, but in the meantime my biggest tip for for reading fanfiction that took me embarrassingly long to figure out: focus on the authors! if you read something you like, check out the rest of the work by that author bc odds are you’ll like that too. i mentioned it in a few specific works above, but check out the authors catalogues for these fics. if i included every work by these authors that i loved, this list would be miles long

feel free to add on any great stuff i missed, there’s sure to be tons of it!

[firstdegreefangirl]

I’m a Funky Fried Piece of Man Meat

Word Count: 2470

Original Pub Date: 26 June 2020

Relationships: Eddie Diaz/Evan Buckley

Author’s Note: Based on this song here, which I sent to @dramamineontopofme and then after we screamed about it for a while, I turned that into this.

Also @hearteyesforbuck briefly thought this would be smut, so she’s gonna hate me now. But she loves me more, so I’m OK with it. 

Read on ao3 here

Eddie drains the last sip from his beer bottle and stands up, running his hands down the thighs of his jeans.  

“Be right back, man. Gotta take a leak. I’ll get the next round?”  

“Sounds good.” Buck sets his own empty bottle on the bar beside Eddie’s. “You can buy, but I’ve got to pee too.”  

It would be weird, Eddie thinks, if it were anyone other than Buck. If he were out for drinks with Chim, or Bobby or anyone else, it would be weird to walk to the bathroom together, to stand side by side at the only two urinals, sidestep to the sink in almost perfect unison.

But it’s Buck. He can’t think of a single thing that could make things weird between the two of them, even as he wracks his brain while he watches Buck in the mirror as they wash their hands.  

Except the secret he’s keeping.

Buck looks up then, catches him watching and pulls a face. He crosses his eyes and sticks his tongue out, and Eddie can’t help but flick water at him as he laughs.  

“Hey,” He keeps looking at Buck’s reflection, turning the mood back to something serious. “Can I ask you something?”  

His timing couldn’t be worse; they’re standing in the bathroom at a bar, the kind of place where every surface is just a little bit sticky no matter how many times you wipe it down. He’s not even sure he wants to say anything, thinks he might want to keep his secret to himself. But before he can backtrack, Buck is meeting his gaze in the mirror and he looks so earnest that Eddie can’t bring himself to skirt away from at least part of the truth.

“Of course, Eddie. Anything.” And he can tell that Buck means it, can tell that there’s nothing he could say that would make Buck regard him any differently right now. At least, nothing that Buck can think of. But Eddie’s pretty sure that what he’s about to say could ruin everything.

“You’ve like … you ask people out, right?” The question sounds awkward as it tumbles out of his mouth. It’s not quite what Eddie meant to ask, not likely to get him the answers he’s looking for, but he didn’t give too much away, so he supposes it’s better than if he’d shown Buck his entire hand.  

“Yeah,” Buck’s reflection stares at his, and his brow furrows as he tries to figure out why Eddie might be so antsy about his question. “Why?”

“Like … guys?” Eddie bites his tongue, tries not to eye Buck warily while he waits for a reaction. This is the closest he’s come to telling anyone that he’s maybe interested in dating men, short of saying it to his own reflection in the bathroom mirror at home.

(Hindsight, he hadn’t planned this moment to be such a parallel to that one, but the similarities are sort of comforting. It’s always easy to talk to Buck, but talking to mirror-Buck is even lower stakes, like he can pretend he’s leaning against his own counter, not the cold porcelain of the bar sinks while he talks to himself in the third-person.)

“Sometimes.” Buck’s eyes narrow, and Eddie might be imagining it, but he’s pretty sure Buck’s fingers tighten where he’s holding himself up against the edge of the counter. “That’s not a … problem, is it?”  

“No! No, of course not.” Eddie stumbles over himself to reassure Buck. He hadn’t been planning to do this tonight, hadn’t even considered that Buck might find his questions offensive. And he doesn’t want to offend Buck. Not ever, but especially not now, when he’s so close to putting everything on the line. “I just need some advice.”  

They’ve been in here too long, have spent too many moments standing in front of sinks that aren’t even turned on. Their hands are hardly wet anymore, even though neither of them have reached for a paper towel. If anyone has noticed, there’s really only one conclusion they can come to, one reason two men would walk into a slimy bar bathroom at the same time and overstay their welcome there.

But Buck doesn’t move, so neither does Eddie. Instead, he tries to look like he’s not holding his breath, like he’s not waiting for Buck to shove him across the room and storm out, or – worse yet – give him friendly advice as nothing more than a friend.

Which, really, is looking like the more likely path, given that Eddie asked him for advice on picking up guys, without managing to mention that Buck is really the only guy he’s interested in picking up.

“OK …" Buck trails off and motions with one hand for Eddie to continue.

“How do you do it? I mean, how do you just … ask a guy out?”

“Same way I’d ask anyone else out,” Buck shrugs. “Be straightforward and prepared to handle the rejection.”  

Right, of course. Eddie knows that’s Buck’s standard. They’ve spent enough nights sitting together at the bar for him to know that Buck likes to walk up to a woman and ask if she’s interested in joining him for a drink. He’s explained it before, that it means he gets turned down pretty often, but also that everyone’s expectations are clear right out of the gate.

“No, not … I can do that part, the-the actual asking.” Eddie shakes his head and tries again. “How’d you … your first time, how’d you get the balls to just walk up and ask him?”  

Buck hasn’t said anything about Eddie needing advice talking to men, and Eddie is pretty sure that it’s a good sign. After all, he’d also quietly confirmed that he’s interested in men, at least occasionally. He hasn’t said anything about being interested in Eddie, but Eddie hasn’t said anything about being interested in him either.  

And Eddie is *very interested* in Buck.

“Oh, that?” It can’t have been more than a couple of seconds, but Buck’s response pulls Eddie back to the present. “Easy. I get funky fried.”  

“Excuse me?” Eddie blinks his eyes, tries to school his features. He’s been doing some … independent research, late at night, under the cover of darkness and a private browser. And it’s not like he knows everything – not even close, if he can’t even ask a guy out – but he’s pretty sure he knows what he’s into, and he doesn’t remember seeing anything about “funky fried” in the search results.

“Funky fried.” Eddie keeps watching him in the mirror, and he can see the moment when Buck realizes that he may as well be speaking gibberish. “It’s this thing Maddie taught me in high school. I was nervous, a lot, and she was like the only person I could talk to about … everything.” There’s something in the way he says ‘everything; that makes Eddie want to know more, but he knows that this isn’t the time.  

After all, if he plays this right, he’ll have plenty of chances down the road to learn everything about Buck.

“But anyway,” Buck continues. “She told me that it would help me to say something really ridiculous before I had to do something that scared me. That way, whatever happened, it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing I’d say all day. Pretty sure there’s exactly no evidence to back it up,” he chuckles. “But it helped. Helps, if I’m being honest. I, uh, I still do it.”

“You … get funky fried?” He knows it’s what Buck had said, but Eddie still isn’t sure exactly what it means.

“Yeah. You just look at yourself in the mirror and say it.”  

“Say what?”

“’I’m a funky fried piece of man meat who gets the loving every time.’” Buck at least has the decency to look embarrassed when he says it, his face flushing red in a way that gives Eddie some very indecent thoughts to contend with as he watches his friend in the mirror.

“What?” He tries to hide the crack in his voice, but there’s no mistaking the alarm and confusion on his face.  

Hell, he can see it on his own face, looking back at him in the mirror. But who can blame him? He just asked his best friend to help him ask a guy out, and all he got as an answer is to “get funky fried.” It’s not the worst advice he’s ever been given, but Eddie has a feeling that it’s in the top five for least helpful. There’s no way that he’s going to be able to ask Buck out just because he said something weird to himself first.

It’s almost like Buck can read the panic in his eyes, though, because he sidesteps just a little bit closer, close enough that Eddie thinks he can feel the heat off of Buck’s body.  

They're not actually standing that close, but Eddie will take anything he can get, especially because he’s still half-terrified that Buck is making this whole thing up, just trying to get a laugh out of Eddie saying something stupid. Which wouldn’t bother him ordinarily, but tonight  the stakes are high enough that he doesn't think he could handle that from Buck. Any other reaction, he can work with. But laughter?

Well he might just die on the spot.

“C’mon, just try it. It’s not like you’ll be less confident after.”

And then Buck is standing right behind him, fingers wrapped around his biceps, and Eddie swears that the walls start closing in until all he can focus on is how that Buck’s touch burns his skin in the best way. He’s turning Eddie just slightly, just enough that he’s looking at himself in the mirror, not the space beside him where Buck had been standing.  

But he doesn’t let go, leaves his hands searing Eddie’s arms, and he’s sure that everyone will be able to tell exactly where Buck had touched him.  

Eddie’s weak in the face of this, can’t resist the one thing Buck has asked him to do tonight.  

So he says it, opens his mouth and lets the words fall out.

Or, tries to anyway.

“I’m a fried piece of funky meat man-”

Buck cuts him off. He’s smiling, but he doesn’t laugh and for that, Eddie is grateful.  

“Hang on, dude. Try it again. ‘I’m a funky fried piece of man meat who gets the loving every time.’”

“I’m a freaky fried-”

“Funky fried.”

“Man meat?” Eddie gives up on the repetition, because he knows what comes next, and he’s so very confused. It’s supposed to be nonsense, sure, but he just can’t picture Maddie talking to her little brother about his ‘man meat’ when he was in high school.

“Not that kind of man meat, don’t be disgusting.” Buck lets go of one arm just long enough to swat Eddie’s shoulder, and Eddie feels his face start to burn. The heat is less than it is where Buck’s fingers are still  pressing against his skin, but not nearly as comfortable. “Now try again.”  

Right, right. He’s supposed to be making a fool of himself by saying something stupid, not by falling even more in love with Buck than he already is.

He takes a deep breath and focuses on his own eyes in their shared reflection.

“I’m a funky fried piece of man meat who gets the loving every time.” His voice is stronger this time, and he has to hide the way his body tries to shiver when Buck’s fingers flex on his arms.

“Better.” Buck is close enough behind him that Eddie can feel his breath on the back of his throat. “But you’ve gotta really believe it. You are the funkiest piece of man meat to ever be fried!”  

Well, when you put it like that …

Eddie takes a deep breath and decides that he doesn’t have much more to lose. Maybe Buck is right; maybe screwing up the phrase three times cut through enough of the tension that he doesn’t have to worry about Buck’s reaction to what he’s about to say.

Or maybe it’s just Buck, the way he’s always made Eddie feel like he can say anything, how he’s never judged him or held a grudge for anything. They’ve been through way worse together, so why would Buck draw the line here?

Eddie knows what he has to do, flexes his fingers at his side and steels himself.

“I’m a funky fried piece of man meat who gets the loving every time!” He doesn’t flinch as he turns around to face Buck and finishes, with the same breath. “Go out with me.”

The light in Buck’s eyes has to be enough to illuminate the entire city, Eddie thinks. He’s grinning ear to ear, this huge, natural smile that Eddie can’t help but return, and shaking gently where he’s holding Eddie by the shoulders.

“There you go! That’s perfect! See, you’re already more confident! Just, uh,” Buck exaggerates a wince, and Eddie chuckles before he realizes that the sound is coming from his own chest. “Next time, maybe hype up in the bathroom, and then wait until you’re actually in front of the guy to do the asking.”  

Wait until he’s …

Eddie shakes his head and breathes out a laugh when he realizes what conclusion Buck has reached. He reaches up and grasps Buck’s forearm with one hand, running his thumb in gentle strokes across the smooth skin.  

“No, Buck, go out with me.” Eddie tightens his hold and watches the realization dawn across Buck’s face. He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, just stares at Eddie and smiles. If it were anyone other than Buck, if the circumstances were any different, Eddie is pretty sure he’d be uncomfortable under the intensity of Buck’s stare. And if that didn’t do it, the way he’s just smiling, not saying or doing anything else? That would probably make his skin crawl.  

But here and now? Here and now, he’s happy to give Buck all the time he needs to process Eddie’s declaration.  

He’s also very glad that it doesn’t take long, because the next thing he knows, Buck is breaking eye contact to stare at himself in the mirror over Eddie’s shoulder.  

Eddie knows Buck isn’t talking to him, almost feels like he’s intruding on a private moment, even though Buck is still holding onto him. But he’s still drawn to him, unable to stop himself from watching the way Buck’s lips move with the quiet conviction of his whisper.

“I’m a funky friend piece of man meat who gets the loving every time.”

Then he fixes his stare back on Eddie and everything goes right with the world when he nods.

“Yes.”  

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Damage Control

Part 7 in Getaway Series

Warnings: nonconsensual sex (oral, vaginal and anal intercourse, violence), angst, general assholery. 

This is dark!(nomad)Steve and explicit. 18+ only. PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS. I mean it, I’m not gonna tell you again.

Summary: The reader tries to figure Steve out.

Note: This is shorter than usual chapters in this series but we get the plot moving towards the end and we’re getting so close y’all. So I hope you enjoy this installment. I might not get to post much this weekend or whatever because I have a lot of ish coming up so thank you for reading and for your patience.

Anyways, hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think as always. Love ya <3

...

It was almost a week since the barbecue. Steve had yet to return for another night of torment. It was almost concerning. Before, he dropped in almost every other day to relish in your suffering. You wondered what kept him, not that you longed for his return. You even hoped, by some chance, that the world’s greatest fugitive had been caught. 

Well, you’d know if that happened. Everyone would.

You splendoured in the daydream as you sat at your desk. After what he’d done, you only wanted one thing. More than just him gone, you wanted him dead. He had taken more than just Ethan, now he’d turned your own family against you. You hadn’t spoke to Gia or your mother since Sunday. It was too humiliating.

You thought of the headlines; the new reels. Captain America in cuffs, the man’s arrogant blue eyes averted in defeat. You smiled and played with your pen. That would be sweet...if only. 

But why not? He was still the most wanted man in the world. Hunted by more than just his former comrades. Steve Rogers had made many enemies in this world. You sat up and your chair squeaked. You glanced around at the office as if another would see your thoughts. Was it possible to bring down the former Avenger? Not on your own, of course, but maybe there were others who could help.

In all this, you’d forgotten that this man was not supposed to be in your life. He was supposed to be in prison. He belonged there. He’d earned it since his exile. Yet, even if you ridded yourself of his oppression, you’d never get back what you lost. What he’d taken from you. But perhaps you could keep him from taking even more.

You slid your chair closer to your desk and minimized your task center. You opened the browser and peeked around again. You swallowed and typed into the search bar. News stories from months ago popped up. The search for Steve Rogers was still in effect but no sightings reported. You scrolled past the hashtags and image results and clicked on the first link.

Stark Industries. Iron Man himself was leading the manhunt for his former ally. The newly repentant superhero eager to atone for the collateral damage of his heroic acts. You tapped your finger on the mouse and read. If you did this, there was no turning back. If you did, it all became deadly.

Well, what was life when it was like this?

You scribbled the number on a post-it and cleared your history. You closed the window and turned your headset on. The first call was easy; second-nature. But with each minute you became more distracted by the pad. The nerves fluttered in your stomach and made you nauseous. 

What would you say? What could you say? Steve Rogers ruined my life. Oh, and I’ve been fucking him. Well...it’s complicated. You finished your sixth call of the day and excused yourself to the bathroom. You tucked the small paper up your sleeve with your cell in the other. You locked yourself in a stall and shakily dialed the numbers, hesitation as you hovered over the call button.

The line picked up and you blurted out the words clumsily. "I know where to find Steve Rogers."

-

When you got home that night, he was there. You didn't acknowledge him as you set your purse on the table and kicked your shoes off. You didn't even look at him; his presence a speck in the corner of your eye.

He was stretched across your couch, his feet propped up on one arm and his head against the other, arms up and bent behind it. You went about your after work routine. 

You changed out of your stiff pants and blouse and pulled on a pair of sweats and a loose tee. You doubted you'd keep them long. When you reentered the living room, he turned his head to watch you. His hand slipped down to rub his crotch. His jeans bulged with his anticipation.

You cringed and he reached out to you. "Come here."

You stared at him. You slowly walked over to the couch. He pressed his hand against your thigh and snaked it around to grab your ass as he drew you closer. He squeezed and you flinched.

"Still sore?" He asked. You didn't respond. "Don't push me now."

"No." You answered. He didn't need to know that you were still tender every time you sat down. That he had fucked you so hard that you didn't get off the mattress until your alarm for work. He didn't need to know you had cried in the shower too.

He smirked. "Good." 

He tapped your ass and pulled his hand back to his jeans. He lifted his ass as he undid his fly and pushed his pants down. His cock sprang forth and he fell back with a sigh. "Hmmm," He eyed you as he gripped his cock and reached to you with his other hand.

"I'm trying to decide…" He picked at the elastic of your sweats. "Pussy, I think." He poked your vee with two fingers and wiggled his cock. "Right, come one before I change my mind."

You clamped your lips shut as you shed your sweats. You hooked your leg over him and he grabbed your hip as he guided you into place. He aligned himself and pulled you down. It hurt as he entered you. You were dry and tight. He groaned as you strained against him until he finally bottomed out.

"Fuck," He hissed and held you down. He pressed his thumb to your clit and rubbed. "What's the matter, hmm? You miss me?"

You bit down and stared behind him. You couldn't look at him as the tingle began to bloom beneath his touch. Your thighs clenched around him and you let out a deep breath. He moved his hand back to your hip and guided you.

He rocked you slowly as your arousal spread. The noise of your wetness repulsed you but fed your body. You slid up and down his cock faster and faster. He grabbed your ass and kneaded it painfully before drawing his hands back behind his head.

"Keep fucking me," He smirked as you slowed.

You gripped your thighs and kept your hips moving. His eyes were on your pussy. He delighted in the sight of him inside you. You panted and puffed as you rode him, wishing for it to be over even though you knew once was never enough.

"Come on," He grabbed your hips suddenly and brought you down as hard as he could. He lifted you and slammed you back so that he hit his limit each time. It was painful and yet it sent ripples along your spine. "I see it. You're gonna cum. Go on."

You shuddered and wrapped your fingers around his wrists as you tried to slow. He kept you in motion, your flesh slapping against his loudly. Your muffled moans broke loose and you tossed your head back and whined. 

You squeezed his wrists as you orgasmed and your body shook wildly. Even as you descended from your high, he didn't quit. He fucked you harder, used your body without a care. Even as he grunted and came, he didn't stop. Not until your thighs were sticky with cum.

He eased you down and stayed inside you. His hands fell and lingered on your thighs. He reached up to tweak your nipple and chuckled at your flinch.

"When I was away, I watched our little video." He grinned. "Very hot."

You hung your head in shame but said nothing.

"I was just visiting a friend but fuck the time dragged by. Thinking about that ass. About those stubborn little frowns, the way you snarl when you know you're going to cum even when you don't want to."

You tried to push yourself off him but he held you there.

"Uh-uh," He warned as his fingers spread across your thighs. "You can't run away now, girl. You can deny it all you want but we both know you fucking love this." He tilted his hips and poked your cervix painfully. "Ethan knew it too."

"I told you not to talk about him." You growled.

He slapped you. Hard. He gripped your throat and threatened to squeeze tighter. "And you don't make the fucking rules here. Goddamn, you're a stubborn bitch."

"And you're an asshole," You rasped.

He chuckled darkly and let go of you only to smack you again. You batted away his hand and he caught your wrists. 

"You're fucking fiesty today." Your nostrils flared and you tried to pull away. He barely noticed your struggle. "Fuck, you really want me to send our little romp to the boy? Think he'll watch it all the way through? Or you think he'll cry like he did before?"

You stopped and stared at him. Disgust, hatred, despair. You closed your eyes and sighed. He let go as your strength drained from you. All your anger slaked away and you were left weak and pliant. He always won.

"Now be a good girl and clean me up," He patted your thigh and waited. 

You climbed off of him. More cum seeped down your thighs and his cock twitched. He was growing hard again. His length shone with your juices and you shuddered as you turned to him. 

You took his cock and bent over him, trying to hide your face as your lips met his tip. He stiffened as you opened your mouth around him. His fingers tickled your side as he hit the back of your throat. 

He hummed and you forced yourself to take all of him, almost gagging as he slid down your throat. Your entire body tensed and you drew back. His fingers danced along your skin and you pushed yourself back down.

"Don't stop till I cum... don't leave a mess now." 

You almost choked at his words. You hated the control he had over you, the way you so eagerly bent to him. You used your hand in tandem with your mouth, your jaw ached and your throat burned. You gulped and gasped as his fingers sank into your waist and he groaned.

His other hand went to the back of your head and he guided you faster. Your spit dripped down his cock and around your fingers. You struggled to breathe but kept going. Just be done, just be done.

He came with a sudden spasm. He sounded surprised and he pushed your head until he was down your throat entirely. You slapped at his stomach as you fought to swallow around his cock. His cum slid down painfully and he let you go only as tears pricked at your eyes.

You pulled back and stood. You touched your throat and coughed. You wiped your lips as you panted and your head spun dangerously. You were so dizzy you almost stumbled. Steve caught your hand and kept you from backing away.

He sat up and turned his legs over the edge of the couch. He released you and rubbed his thick thighs with a smirk. “Turn around.” 

You turned your back to him. You shook your head, thankful you could hide your grimace. He grabbed your hips and forced you back, nearly taking you off your feet. You bent your legs as they hit his and he brought you down into his lap. You hovered over him as he lined himself up with your ass. You planted your hands on his thighs and pushed but he didn’t relent.

“Just relax, it’ll be easier,” He pulled you down until his head slipped inside. It was just as painful as last time. You whimpered and he pushed further. “Fuck.” He swore as he sank into you. “You’re still fucking tight. Shit.”

You strained around him and whined. It hurt terribly. You still felt the pain of the last time. His hands snaked down your hips and over your thighs. He hooked his fingers beneath your legs and brought them up so that they were bent almost flush to your chest. He leaned back and lifted you easily.

He slid in and out as he thrust below you. Slow at first. Testing you. Relishing your feeble cries. You were helpless in his grasp as he rocked his hips into you. Helpless to the peculiar waves that began to build and build. The pain faded as it had before and you were stunned by the new sensation. The intense and overwhelming cluster of pleasure.

He sped up until he was slamming into you mercilessly. His breath was hot against your scalp and he worked below you. Your hands were on his as he folded you in half, your body bounced against his. 

“Steve…” You gasped. “Please...st-stop…”

“Stop?” He purred in your ear. “Why?”

“Please…” You were in a haze. You’d never felt this much pleasure at once and it scared you. It scared you that this man you hated so much always found a way to dissemble you entirely. “Sto--” Your breath rushed out and you were left speechless as your eyes rolled back. You quivered as you leaned your head forward and your orgasm constricted every inch of you. “Oh, oh, Steve. Steve…” He didn’t waver as your moans turned to sheer ecstasy, “Yesssss. Oh my god!”

You yelped as you were suddenly turned and he pushed you down onto the couch cushion. He stayed inside of you as he crushed you beneath him. Your legs were trapped under you as he pounded into you, a hand on your shoulder and another on your head as he pinned you down. 

“Yeah, you like that, don’t you?” He snarled. “You fucking slut.”

He rutted into you as his breath hitched and the entire couch shook beneath you. You clawed the cushion as another wave washed over you. You came again, your voice trapped in the couch as he held you down. He slowed but his thrusts were just as hard. Measured and sharp as he came with long growl.

He shuddered and stopped entirely. Your body spasmed as it buzzed in the afterglow. You plummeted back down as he pulled out of you and the couch shifted with his weight as he fell back. Slowly, you pushed your legs out from beneath you and kept your face hidden against the cushion. He slapped your ass and you squeaked.

“Don’t let me go soft now, girl.” He chuckled and your stomach turned. You opened your eyes and sat up shakily. 

It wouldn’t last forever. Just a little longer.

-

He didn’t leave. You sat and stared at the super soldier, his bare ass to the wind as he snored on your couch. You expected him to go as he always did, but he didn’t. When he finished with his desecration, he’d let you go and you’d gone to get your robe and hide the bruises and fingerprints that marked your skin. When you returned, he was asleep.

You waited an hour. He still didn’t wake. You frowned and retreated to the bathroom. You kept the door open and stared at him as you twisted the faucet. He was still there. You showered, sore and achy as the heat sank into your bones, and you emerged to find he remained. 

What was his game?

You tiptoed to your purse on the table and pulled out your phone. You gulped as he turned over. His hand fell to the floor and you were unsurprised to find him erect. In his sleep, he was insatiable. He snored even louder as he rolled onto his back. 

You unlocked your phone and opened your camera. Your heart raced as you watched him. Oddly peaceful despite his depravity. You neared him quietly and angled the lense to his face. You steadied your hand and snapped the picture. You quickly retreated and hid the phone behind you as if he would awake at the silent shutter.

He still did not rouse. You licked your dry lips and scurried to your bedroom. You sat on the edge of the mattress, a shiver ran through you as your towel threatened to fall away. You quickly typed in the address and opened the page. You scrolled past the phone number and clicked on the email. 

Submit your tips to our online support to aid in the hunt for dangerous fugitives.

You sighed and clicked again. Your phone call had been less than successful. It was hard to believe a woman from a small city in a different country had actually found the Captain America. They took your tip but sounded less than convinced and you doubted the phone call they promised in return would come. This would seal it thought. This was your smoking gun.

You attached the file and wrote out your claim. The same thing you’d told the operator. I know where to find Steve Rogers. You added your name and your phone number. You hoped this wasn’t some strawman helpline. Hoped it wasn’t some shell set up by Stark to keep his name pristine. You hit send and sighed.

You cleared your history and deleted the photo. You set your phone aside and stood to pull on a night shirt and hung your towel in the bathroom. His snores were almost comforting. He was asleep; harmless. 

A thought flashed in your mind. You looked at him from the doorway. You could do it. Take care of it yourself. But if he woke, you’d be dead. The whisper faded and you went back to your room. 

You laid down and let out a whimper. Your body hurt. You pulled the blanket over you and buried your head in the pillow. Sleep was unlikely but you just needed to rest. To try to forget.

-

You couldn’t recall falling asleep. It was late though and your head pounded as you came back to the surface. There was a weight across your middle. You were on your back, your shoulders cramped and your neck sore. It was an arm; his arm. Steve laid beside you, snoring as he had the night before on your couch.

You sat up suddenly. Recoiled from his touch. He growled and rolled over. He grumbled as he woke and his blue eyes found you. 

“Fucking Christ,” He swore. “What the fuck?”

“What are you doing?” You hissed. “Go.”

“I’m trying to fucking sleep.” He rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Couch was too small.”

“Mmhmm,” You muttered doubtfully. “Well, I gotta work.”

You stood carefully. You gripped your back as it twinged and you gritted your teeth. You felt like shit, probably looked like it too. He draped his arm over your side of the mattress and you saw the twitch beneath the blankets. You turned away and slid open your closet.

“Call in.” He said. You froze and glanced over your shoulder. “Come on. You’re tired and...you’ve got work to do here.”

You shook your head and pulled out a pair of pants. “I can’t just call in. I need to pay my rent, my bills, buy groceries.”

“I said call in,” He barked as he pushed the blankets down. He cock stood and he stroked it with a sigh. “You’ve got two minutes.”

You hugged and tossed the pants on the floor. You snatched your phone from the night table and stormed out of the room as he continued to play with himself. You stopped dead as you saw the notification that bubbled up on your screen. 

Stark Industries. Re: Fugitive Report. [Urgent].

You quickly swiped away the alert and dialed your work number. As the line connected your mind raced. You’d have to wait until he left. What if he didn’t? Well, he had to go eventually, he always did. 

The other end picked up and you cleared your throat. “Hey, Donna, yeah it’s me, I can’t make it in, I’ve been sick all night. Yeah, yeah, I think it might be contagious. Okay, yeah, thanks.” 

You hung up and locked your phone. You turned and stared at your bedroom door. Could you really take on Steve Rogers?

[bjnurse]

A Life With Imperatore- Part 2

This fic takes place just hours after the part 1 which can be found here. Part 1 is SFW part 2 below is NSFW!

Ao3 link here.

Special thank you to @e-lectroma and @noirdiamond for the Diavolo insight. <3

Content Warnings: PTSD, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, and a shitty theory on GER.

Diavolo x Fem!Reader 18+ ONLY BELOW

------

You’re asleep for maybe a few hours when the twitching starts. You wake to find Diavolo still clutching to you. Both of you lay in your bed and he had asked to sleep close to you with his head on your chest. It took a lot of patience and comforting but he finally felt safe enough with you to fall asleep. 

The twitching reminds you of how a dog or cat twitches when they’re dreaming. You extend a hand to stroke the arm that still holds you tight. When your fingers meet his bicep, you realize he’s wet. He’s been sweating. You gently stroke his bicep with your thumb, as you had when falling asleep. You softly speak words of comfort, hoping to soothe him, but instead he gasps and his eyes open. 

He pulls back from you with a shriek and mutters in Italian. Frantically, he scoots back further and further from you. He falls off the bed and onto the floor, out of sight. 

Fuck! You think as you hop out of bed and rush over to the light switch. You warn him, “I’m just going to turn on the light. You’re okay though. You’re safe.” Another shriek is heard at the sudden illumination. 

You find the former Boss of Passione hunched over on the floor. In response to the brightness, he mumbles, “Stay away. S-Stay away.” He looks up at you and yells, “S-Stay the hell away from me!” 

Your eyes meet his green eyes, full of panic and tears. You can feel your heart break at the sight of him. “I’ll stay right here as long as you need. I’m not going to hurt you.” You stand next to the light switch, lean back onto the wall and wait. Just like before, you wait till he realized on his own that he’s in no danger. Looking at the clock, you see that it’s only 3 am. 

After what felt like forever, but was probably more like a few minutes, his expression calms. He looks back at you with remembrance on his face. You take this as an opportunity to talk calmly and clearly. “Do you remember yesterday? I’ve been trying to take care of you.” 

Diavolo’s brow furrows at the sound of your voice and as he absorbs your words, his expression lightens. His face reads of relief and sadness. “I remember,” is all he says, then stares at his hands dejectedly. Tentatively, you walk over to him and sit a couple feet away with your back to the bed and your knees up, resting your arms on them. Diavolo shifts and sits mirroring you. 

He doesn’t retreat from your presence and you take that as progress in the right direction. You wrap your arms around your knees and rest your head on them, looking at the man next to you. “We’re both pretty awake now. Would you like some tea?” He nods in reply and you stand to leave. You stop in your tracks remembering how he doesn’t like to be alone. You turn back around to find him looking at you with the eyes of an abandoned child. 

You slowly approach him and reach out a hand, “Would you like to come with me?” He responds by taking your hand with a nod. He stands and he nearly falls like before. You resume your place at his side supporting him as you walk to the kitchen. Once seated he’s in a chair, you put some water in the electric kettle. You return to the table with mugs, chamomile tea and sugar. You sit across from Diavolo as he holds the empty mug in his hands and stares blankly into it. 

Swallowing, you finally speak, “You’re going to be okay.” 

“You don’t know anything about me.” He snaps back, still staring at the mug he’s gripping tightly. Disappointment and shame are painted on his face. 

Your heart pounds at the words and each beat floods your veins with guilt. You actually know a lot about him. But can you tell him that? Should you ever tell him? You’ll have to at some point. But is now the right time? 

Deciding to speak honestly, but withholding, you reply, “I know something terrible happened to you. I know that I want to help you. I feel compelled to make sure you’re safe and taken care of.” 

Diavolo looks up from his cup and stares at you, but your eyes are fixed on your own mug. “I’m sorry.” He confesses. 

“It’s alright. It’ll take time.”

“And you’re gonna take all that time to help me? Why? Who are you to me? Who am I to you?” 

You take a deep breath. It looks like there’s no way to avoid the conversation. You begin by asking if he feels weird as he moves around pointing out how he’s fallen over although he’s not weak and how his aim is off when reaching for things. You explain the multiverse theory. He follows but doesn’t say anything. He only nods here and there. 

The electric kettle sounds and you bring it back to the table. You put a teabag in each of your mugs and pour the hot water into them. You tell him that you think you're from a different universe than he is. At this point, when you look up at him, he looks back at you like you’re crazy. 

You think in a panic, Fuck! I’m losing him! Keeping it brief you say, “The universe you’re used to is an anime and manga in my universe.” 

He laughs. 

“I know about Giorno Giovanna.”  You blurt out then bite your lip. His laughter stops dead. 

“But how?” Horror fills his eyes. 

“I told you how. Our universes co-exist and,” you pause and take a breath. “I think Gold Experience Requiem has been sending you to alternate universes to… you know... Anyways, landing here must have broken the loop. I’m guessing since mine has an extra dimensional space than yours does. Look, how long have you been here without anything happening?”

He looks down at his chamomile tea and his eyes go wide, lost in thought. Afraid of another episode starting, you try to distract him. “The tea should be ready.” You remove the teabags and offer sugar, but he declines. You prepare your own tea and take a sip. He lifts the warm liquid and slowly brings it near his mouth. His hands are obviously trembling, so he looks to you. You get up and sit next to him, helping him drink. 

After taking a sip, he asks, “If you know about him, you probably know all the terrible things I’ve done. Why do you want to help me?” He only looks at you through the side of his eye.

You think for a moment and take a deep breath. “I'm not dealing with a mafia boss, I'm dealing with you as you are now. I think the infinite death loop is more than enough of a punishment. I believe you deserve a second chance, and you need time to heal.” Brevity is probably best. You decide that’s enough that your husbando needs to know for now.

“I know there must be more to it but I’ve had enough. I just want to sleep.” You place the mugs in the sink and walk together back to bed. You help him get into bed then take out your phone. After this episode, you decide it would be a good idea to turn off your morning alarm. You want things to remain as calm as possible while he sleeps. You text your supervisor and make up an excuse for being up at 3 am with some kind of ailment and let them know you won’t be coming in. 

Adjusting the lights as before, you allow a little bit of bathroom light to spill into the bedroom. You each lay on your respective sides. You stare at the ceiling. You feel like crying but you’re not sure why. Assuming it’s from the accumulated stress, you take a deep breath and sigh out as you turn over onto your side away from the former Mafia Don. A tear rolls down your face and you try to silence the sound of a sniffle. 

You hear him speak with his thick Italian accent, “I can’t… I mean, I’m not used to having someone who cares for me. I’ve been alone for so long... Well, pretty much alone.” 

You think of Doppio and another tear forces itself from your eyes. He continues, “Thank you for wanting to help me. I don’t know what I’d do if it weren’t for you.” There’s no use hiding it now. Tears stream from your face, you reach up to the night stand to take a tissue and dab at the wetness. You feel the bed move under you as Diavolo positions himself behind you, wrapping a strong arm around you, as a big spoon. With him behind you like this, you can feel his breath rhythmic on your neck. It’s a comfort to feel him so close, to know he didn’t freak out at the truth for now, but time will tell as he learns more of the truth. 

…

The rest of the night passes without any other issues. Although not your normal way of sleeping, you sleep comfortably enough till the morning light peaks through the curtains and wakes you. You find yourself on your back, having rolled over during the night and Diavolo is clutched to your chest the same way the night began. 

You resist the urge to take a selfie with the former mob boss cuddled into your chest. Instead you open the front facing camera on your phone and just look at how handsome and at peace he is holding onto you. This makes you let out an involuntary sigh. Diavolo to stir and then nuzzles into you more. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest. Once your phone is tucked under your pillow, you return your hand to Diavolo’s bicep and just stare at the pink, spotted hair inches from your face. 

You try to will yourself back to sleep to prolong the moment but it’s not working because you’re so excited. Pulling your phone back out from under your pillow, you google “typical Italian breakfast” hoping you have something to feed him later. 

While reading your second article, Diavolo stirs and asks in his Italian accent, “What are you doing?” From waking up, his voice deeper and calmer than you had heard it before. You melt a little. 

You jump as if you’re caught doing something bad. “I was just looking to see what Italians eat for breakfast.” You close out the internet browser and the home screen of your phone shows gorgeous Diavolo fan art. You quickly put the phone away, hoping he didn’t notice. 

“You know, you could just ask me.” He props himself up on his elbow and looks at you. Is he smirking at you? Your core warms as he’s above you. It feels like he’s looking through you with those impossibly green eyes. 

Forgetting how to form sentences for a moment, you look away as you gather your thoughts. “I.. uh… I know, I was just hoping I had something good on hand. I want to try to help you feel more at home.” Still feeling his eyes on you, you can tell he indulges in a smile. 

You both get up and make your way into the kitchen. You prepare something simple for breakfast and offer him coffee and toast, promising to get him something more suitable. A light but easy conversation is carried throughout preparation, eating, and cleaning up. You realize that you need some things to make your guest more comfortable, but you don’t dare leave him alone. You take him out shopping with you, outfitting him in a hoodie and instruct him to keep the hood up for now. Not knowing how he is out in public, you don’t want to draw more attention to the both of you. You both make your way through stores with an arm around each other, trying to look casual and not like you’re holding him up. Luckily, you got only a couple odd looks.

You can tell that shopping for clothes makes him uncomfortable, but he can’t wear basketball shorts and a too small hoodie forever. You reassure him that the clothes will have to do for now until you can get him “fancy Italian clothes” like he’s used to. This at least lightened the mood a bit and made the rest of your shopping a little easier. Besides, this is what emergency funds are for right? Clothing your husbando that suddenly fell into your lap? 

You return home in the late afternoon and put away the groceries that he helped you pick out. You tried to get comfort food that he would enjoy but who knows if you can prepare it well, but you’ll give it your all! 

You can tell shopping took a lot out of him, so you suggest that he takes a shower to relax and get into comfy, properly fitting clothes. 

Accompanying him into the bathroom, you ask, “Would you like to shower? I’d hate for you to fall or anything. Maybe a bath is a better idea?” He agrees and you start to draw him a bath. As you’re leaning over checking the temperature, you hear the sound of clothes falling to the floor behind you. 

“What are you doing?” You stop and you can feel your face flush, “you should wait till I’m out of the room.” Every part of your body screams to turn around and look at him, but your brain is keeping you steadfast like a deer in headlights. 

“I know you want me. It’s all over your face. And there's a drawing of me on your phone.” In your head, you scream and swear at yourself. Diavolo steps up to you and embraces you from behind. 

You take a deep breath and force yourself to form words. “Well yeah, but you’re in a vulnerable place at the moment. I-I don’t want to take advantage of you.” You can’t believe the words are leaving your mouth, but it’s all you can think to say. 

Diavolo nuzzles his face into your neck, with his voice deep with lust and in his thick Italian accent, he says “But what about what I want, Cara.” He kisses your neck, just below your ear and continues his thought, “I want you too.”

As he speaks into your flesh, a moan falls from your mouth betraying you and you feel the last of your willpower snap. Taking this as a sign of your approval, he presses himself into you. His hot member presses into your lower back. He lavishes kisses into your delicate skin as he grinds himself into you. 

You hurriedly remove your shirt and bra, allow him to freely roam your body. He turns you to face the sink, where you hold and brace yourself. You watch in the reflection has his strong hands grab and grope your soft flesh. He sprinkles kisses and bites along your shoulders. Gasps and moans fall from you as you’re unable to contain your excitement. He works his hands down to your pants and undoes them. Once they fall to the floor, he reaches around to the front of your panties and feels how wet you’ve become. 

He hums in approval. “See how wet you are for me? I was right.” You moan in agreement, but it’s not the answer he wanted. “Wasn’t I right, Cara.”

“Yes, yes, you were right.” You say breathlessly. 

“How long have you been wanting me to touch you like this?” He coos as he gives you another bite.

You yelp from the lovely searing pain and manage a reply of, “Months, maybe a year?” Another moan, “I don’t know.”

“Well, it’s time you get what you’ve been dreaming of.” He says evenly as he pulls your panties off of you. The chill of the air against your moist sex is only momentary. He inserts his warm cock between your thighs and slides it along your outside. 

Although it’s not a lot of movement, he still struggles. You can see a bit of frustration build on his face. 

“How about we take this to the bed?” You suggest. 

“Bene, Cara!” He replies and pulls back allowing you to move. You quickly turn off the water that almost has the tub overflowing and guide him into the bedroom. 

At the foot of the bed, he holds you tight and kisses you passionately. You savor the feeling of his lips on yours and press your tongue into his mouth. He smiles in response to your eagerness. His hands roam your body and gives your ass a light slap. You moan breaking the kiss. 

Diavolo chuckles, “Too much?” 

“Not even close,” you reply, looking right into his eyes. “Get on the bed.” The command in your voice catches him off guard but he likes it. He gets to the middle of the bed and lays down. 

You finally get a full view of his magnificent body and the gravity of the situation hits you and you whimper. He props himself up on his elbows and looks at you expectantly. He takes a hold of his hard cock, still wet from you and begins to pump it slowly. “Don’t make me do this by myself, Cara.” 

His words snap you out of your daze and you crawl onto the bed. You want to feel him inside of you, but your salivating mouth wins out. You crawl half way up him and bat his hand away. Taking a firm grasp of his cock, you lick up his full length. Pulling back his foreskin, you moan into him as you take his tip into your mouth and taste his precum. You gently swirl your tongue at it as Diavolo moans. Feeling encouraged, you slowly work your way down his 7 ½ inches until you’ve taken all of him that you can into your mouth. Tasting yourself on him makes you moan into him again. Diavolo lets out a low moan as well, as you set your pace. You suck him off slowly with your hand still gripped near his base, working the part of him that doesn’t fit into your mouth. You watch his priceless reactions as your tongue pays special attention to the vein at the underside of his head. 

“How many times have you touched yourself and dreamed of this? Make it count.” Diavolo commands you. You look up at him and release him with a POP!

“More times than I can count.” You take hold of his sack with your free hand and gently massage it as you take him back into your mouth. Slowly working down him, you close your eyes to focus everything you have on his member. You extend your tongue with every thrust down and pull it back with every bob up, taking a moment to swirl at his head. You repeat the actions till you hear his breath hitch and his legs flex around you. He repeats a phrase a few times in Italian and you take it as a sign he’s about to cum. You tighten your grip on him with your hand and your mouth, sucking an orgasm from him just for you and for you alone. He yells a few words in Italian and the only one you can make out is “Cara” as he cums into your mouth. 

Drinking him down hungrily, you pump every last drop from him. You release him and sit back for a moment to catch your breath. Diavolo lays panting and looking at you. He motions for you to come to him and you smile weakly. 

You crawl over to him and he kisses you passionately, pushing his tongue into your mouth. You expect him to be spent, but his passion is as hungry as when you first entered the bedroom together. He bites at your lower lip and when you break the kiss with a yelp, he commands you, “On my face.” You gasp and blush but comply. 

You move your soaked sex over his mouth. He takes a moment to kiss at your tender, trembling thighs. He reaches up and runs a finger along the outside of your nearly dripping folds. He watches your reaction as he swirls the wet finger around your clit. You whimper, shut your eyes tight and take hold of the headboard in front of you. “Cara, how many times have you done this and thought of me? Open your eyes. I want you to see how much I enjoy tasting you.” 

Force your eyes open, you look down at him. His pink hair flowing under him, his green eyes gazing up at you and his finger continues to work your clit in circles as he slowly licks at your opening. He takes hold of your thighs and pulls you down onto his mouth. You descent onto his face and he moans into you. He makes loud suckling noises and moans the whole time he works you. You already feel so close to the edge just having his mouth on you. He lavishes kisses on your clit and tenderly sucks at it. He shifts his attention and licks at your opening and slides his warm tongue deep inside of you. You feel him searching. His tongue brushes against what he’s looking for and a loud moan falls from you. Even if you can’t see his whole face because it’s buried so deep inside of you, you feel him smile under you. He continues to tease this special spot with his tongue as your legs tremble. You take hold of his hair with one hand as you can’t help but close your eyes when your orgasm hits. You cry out his name and cum with a small gush onto his mouth. 

You stay there for a moment, catching your breath and he cleans you of your juices. With Diavolo’s help you move yourself off of him. You lay next to him as you both pant. He turns to you and kisses at your shoulder as it’s your nearest body part. He gives it a small bite and tells you, “Come, Cara, we aren’t done yet. I need to be inside of you.” At first you groan, then looking down, you realize his cock is already hard again. You feel the fire within you renew. You meet him in a kiss and you can taste yourself on his tongue. He takes hold of your breast and gives it a light squeeze then rolls the nipple between his fingers. You moan and he pulls you onto himself. You continue kissing for a moment with your arms and legs on the outside of him. You break the kiss and trail down his neck to this collar bone and muscular chest. 

You reach under you and take hold of his cock, as you angle it towards your wet entrance, Diavolo says “How many times have you tried to picture what you hold in your hands?” You look at him and whimper, unsure how to answer. You angle yourself just above his cock and begin lowering yourself onto him slowly. He places his hands on the outside of your thighs and rubs them gently. You slowly take him into you completely, savouring the feeling of being so completely filled. You sit up and grind into him with a moan. Diavolo looks up at you with his impossibly green eyes and his mouth agape. 

He hums, “How many times have you imagined having me this deep inside of you?” 

Having him inside of you like this, you find the boldness to speak back, “Too many fucking times. Too many nights I’ve touched myself wishing it was you but it’s never good enough.” You begin bouncing on his cock and continue, “I never imagined that you would feel this good. That you could fill me so much.” You lean forward and place your hands on Diavolo’s shoulders to help support yourself. Resting yourself on him as you slide down, you grind into him again. 

Diavolo presses his fingers into the plump flesh of your thighs and ass. He begins thrusting up into you. You’re caught off guard by this action and whimper loudly and moan at the feeling. He holds onto you tightly as he thrusts himself into you over and over. Moans fall from your mouth with ease. Diavolo grunts below you, keeping his eyes glued to your every expression. You feel yourself approaching your end. 

“I-I’m…” you start but Diavolo cuts you off. 

“I need to know, How many times have you already come without me- all by yourself?” He sneers at you and grins crookedly.

“I don’t know,” you cry out with a feeling of guilt. “A lot. More than I can count.” Your last word trails off into a long moan. You look at Diavolo and you can see by his open mouth and furrowed brow that he’s close too. 

“You’re not alone anymore.” His voice hitches as he speaks, but there’s kindness within his statement as he starts pounding into you harder and his thrusts more erratic. “Do I pull out, or?” He manages to ask. 

“No!” you nearly yell at him as your orgasm slams into you and you feel yourself tighten and gush around his cock. His orgasm follows close behind. He reaches up and takes hold of you by the shoulder and pulls you to him. Pressing you against him, he wraps his strong arms tightly around you and fucks himself with you as he lets out a low growl. You feel his cock pump inside of you as he fills you with his seed. 

Once his orgasm subsides, he continues to hold you close to him. You rise and fall with each breath he takes. You’re so happy in this moment, so completely full of Diavolo: you taste him, you smell him, his voice rings in your ears, you feel him outside and inside of you. You don’t want this moment to end. 

He speaks and it reverberates through your head, his voice deep and thick with his accent. “Well was it what you’ve been dreaming of, Cara?” He places his hand on your head and strokes your hair. 

You nod and savour the feeling of his fingers running through your locks. He hums in approval. “Now that we’ve thoroughly made a mess, how about if we clean up?” 

“Sounds good.” Smiling, you face him and he smiles back at you. Although you want to stay forever, you force yourself to get up, peeling yourself away from him, you feel his cock slide out of you with your combined cum dripping out. You reach up and give him a chaste kiss. He holds your face and kisses you back. You allow yourself to smile large without anything holding you back. You give yourself permission in this moment of afterglow to feel absolutely happiness with your favorite. 

[starcountesseevee]

A Rocket Coincidence (Part 20)

Part 19 / Part 21

     Tuesday mornings became a regular training day for Kali and Cole as the spooky decorations around town were changed over to Christmas ones. After training they would sometimes grab a coffee or a bite to eat at a cafe nearby which is how Kali found out Cole was on Team Mystic - she was thankful he didn’t press her to join-, had a preference for dark type pokemon, had two sisters, and lived in Greenfield; the same town she had lived for a bit as a kid and where she had met Mara. 

     “No way!” Kali laughed as she set down her now empty cup of coffee. “It’s been years since I’ve been back there. Is it still the same small, rural town it’s always been or has it grown?” 

     “If you call a population of 2,500 as growing, then yes.” 

     “Then nope! Oh man, I guess that means the, oh what was it called? The 24-hour convenience store.”

     “The Quick Mart?”

     “Yes! How could I forget such a unique name!” They both laughed as the waitress came over to refill their mugs. “I guess that’s still the main attraction in town?”

     “Pretty much.” 

     “Is Old Man Withers still around? Everyone knew him, and not to bother him, he’d walk down the river and fish every day. He was grouchy but always gave out the best candy at Halloween.” 

     “I don’t know about the candy but he does still go fishing.” 

     “Oh! And what about the New Year’s Eve pinap berry drop? Is that still a thing?” 

     “It, for better or worse, is still a thing, but they had to replace the old paper mache one a couple of years ago because there was a fire where they stored it.” Cole answered her questions amusedly.

     “And they didn’t give it up?” Kali joked. “I remember my parents dragging me there right after we had moved in. That’s actually the first time I met Mara. She must have seen how bored I was and got me to sneak off with her. We went and ogled the pastries in that bakery window. Butterfree Bakery was it? Is that still around?”

     “Yeah, although I think it’s the son that runs it now. They have-”

     “The best cupcakes ever!” They finished the sentence at the same time. 

     “Yes!” Cole grinned. “I think my favorite is the chocolate mousse. Or maybe the chocolate peanut butter.”

     “What about the red velvet? With the creme filling?” Kali placed a hand on her stomach and made an “mmm” sound. “Delicious.” 

     “I want a cupcakes!” Delilah piped up, her attention drawn away from her Eevee plushie at the mention of sweets.

     “Maybe if you’re extra good I’ll bring you one back next time?” Cole offered much to Dee’s disappointment. 

     “But I wants one now…” She pouted. 

     Just then an alarm sounded from Kali’s Pokegear and she glanced down at it, reading the time. “Oh, shoot. I’ve gotta get going. I promised Mara we would go over some business stuff this afternoon.” Kali reached for her wallet and began taking out some cash but Cole waved her away. 

     “Don’t worry about it, I got it.”

     “Are you sure?”

     “Yeah.” He nodded to Dee, who had gone back to playing with her Eevee plushie, before mouthing “I’m gonna order her something sweet.” 

     “Alright, but next time is on me.” Kali smiled before putting her wallet away. "So I'll see you next week?"

     "Yes but I wanted to give you a heads up that might be the last one I can make for a bit. My sister is coming home for the holidays and after new years I'll be heading back to Greenfield for a bit. Gotta make sure my apartment is still in one piece." 

     "Of course! No worries!"

     "But I can let you know when I'll be back? You still have my card right?" Kali missed the hopeful look he was giving her as she rummaged in her bag. "Just shoot me your number so I can let you know?" 

     "Oh crap, I never did that did I?" Kali looked up with an awkward chuckle. "Um, here, what’s your number?" She opened her Pokegear to add it and sent him a quick text after. 

     "Got it.” Cole smiled. ”You better get going though so you're not late. I'll see you Tuesday!"

     With the end of year holidays coming up Mara had wanted to sit down with Kali to come up with Simply Yoga’s holiday schedule so they could post it for their customers and make plans with her parents. They had moved to the city a few years ago from Greenfield to be closer to their only child and for the added convenience of living in a city. Since Mara and Kali had known each other for so long Mara’s parents always welcomed Kali to spend Christmas with them and considered her part of the family. The two friends made plans to stay over Christmas Eve, which fell on a Thursday, and while Mara would stay the weekend Kali had other plans. 

     Kali hadn’t been sure what to expect for Christmas with Cliff, after all they had only been seeing each other for a few months and she wasn’t even sure if they were even officially dating or not; so she was excited when he asked what her plans were and said that he could be in Celadon Christmas Day if she was free, although it probably wouldn’t be till late. Kali had assumed it was because of work and teased him about it then immediately felt guilty when he told her he wasn’t working but rather spending the holiday with his mom and sister. 

     While Kali had been more than happy to make plans with Cliff, the implications of spending a holiday together, specifically Christmas, suddenly dawned on her. Mara eyed her warily as Kali turned to her friend in a panic. 

     “Oh. My. Stars. I have to get him a gift!” Kali’s eyes were wide as Mara tried not to laugh. “What in the hell do I get him?” 

     “Don’t ask me! I date girls, remember?” 

     “Yeah but you get presents for you dad, he’s a guy!”

     “Sweetie, do you really want to get your boyfriend something I would get my father?”

     “That’s...a fair point.” Kali groaned and threw her head back against the couch in defeat. 

     “Well, it’s been a while since you’ve seen each other? Why not just put a bow on your head and call yourself a present?” 

     “That seems kind of...I don’t know... lazy? Doesn’t it? What if he gets me something?” 

     “Does he drink anything special?”

     “Not sure? I think I saw a bottle of Jack when I was over?” Kali chewed her bottom lip in thought. 

     “There you go! Get him that, but maybe a nicer bottle of it.”

     “Is that enough? It doesn’t seem very thoughtful?” Mara rolled her eyes. 

     “Girl, it’s plenty! Buuuuut….” Mara drew out the last word as a devilish grin crossed her face. “If you want to do more you could get a gift that’s for both of you.” 

     “What are you getting at?” Kali questioned as Mara hastily got up and left the room. When she returned she had her tablet and handed it to Kali, the browser already open. Kali’s eyes went wide at the selection of adult toys on the screen. 

     “Mar!” 

     “Yes?” She questioned innocently as she sat back down.

     “I...I can’t...oh my stars it's remote controlled? Why would you….oh! Mara!”

     “Like I said, for both of you. Get one that can be controlled from anywhere so while he’s away and you’re pining away all alone in your room you can-”

     “I get it!” Kali laughed, cutting her friend off. 

     “Just saying.” Mara raised her hands in surrender. “That dancer I used to date, was it Veronica? Or Charlie? She had one and it really spiced things up when-”

     “I’ll think about it!” 

     “Well don’t think too much, it’s already December.” Mara yawned. “But I’m calling it a night. Don’t stay up too late.” Kali grumbled a reply as Mara headed to her room. She made sure Mara’s door was shut before she glanced back down at the tablet screen.

Part 19 / Part 21

[washipuppy]

Where is my mind (this time)?

Personal stuff? On MY Tumblr? Yep, it's happening. I need to ramble, and where the feck else am I gonna do it but Tumblr?

I was supposed to go in for an Autism assessment today with my therapist. It's been constantly on my mind it all week, to the extent that I think I might actually ne worried about it, and I have no feckin idea why. It's not a test.

Anyway, it was cancelled and re-scheduled for next week. I took the day off work for it too, since it was gonna be a couple of hours, but I went back to work because I'll need to take next Thursday instead. So I guess I'm having another week with this oversized, unresolved question-mark dangling from my neck.

Background will (hopefully) be under the cut so that most of you aren't bothered by all this:

Background 1 - My therapist is kind of flakey. 

Like many people, I have a therapist that I picked entirely because I'd been without one for several years (since my last therapist retired) and I needed to do something about the tail-spin death-spiral my brain was in. I don't get to see them too often, because I work 8:30 - 5:00, 5 days a week and they tend to cancel my appointments on me thr day they happen, but I'm too tired and worn down by existence to get another one, so it is what it is.

Background 2 - I'm not trying to be weird, please stop calling me that. 

Lotta people seem to think I'm Autistic. Including said therapist, who I noticed was asking me the "Could this person be Autistic?" questions during our last session. Shortly after which I realised I recognised the "Could this person be Autistic" questions without the word ever being used. I've considered the possibility, but although I have a some traits that are associated with ASD (non-verbal episodes, repetative hand / body movements when anxious, low social situational/emotional awareness, eye contact avoidance...), I have a pretty intense imagination and I can be spontanious. If I decide I want to go shopping after work, I'll do so. If someone wants to spend time with me and I don't really have a reason not to go (e.g. a prior commitment or not wanting to spend a lot of money on something I won't actually enjoy), I'm gonna go even if it's last minute. Because they asked me specifically (General invitations offered to "the group" don't elicit this, and I'm way more likely to bail on those) and I want to keep being asked to go to things; If I say no too often, people will just stop inviting me to things. So if I'm asked to go see a band or an expo or whatever and the cost isn't too bad, I'll go. Besides, what good will it actually do me if I get confirmation that I am Autistic? It's a bit late for it to make a difference to my development, the damage has already by and large been done. I didn't see how it would actually help my life now to be diagnosed.

Background 3 - The culmination of a cascade of f**kups.

For a while, I've suspected I might have ADD/ADHD (just gonna use ADHD from now for this). It started on Tumblr, oddly enough - I follow several people here who also have ADHD and post bits and bobs about it, all of which make me go "Yes, that is a thing that is me." But I tried not to think too much about the growing idea that I might have ADHD myself despite almost everything I ever saw or read about girls having ADHD described me perfectly - From the childhood maladaptive daydreaming through to the mental breakdown in university and inconsistent job performance - because I think of myself as something of a hypochondriac* and It's trite to say "Oh, I've got ADD, I'm so easily distracted!" when the world at large is horrible and distracting. 

That is, until last year. See, I left a job I didn't like in 2018 and got one I quite liked in 2019. Thing is, even though I like this job, I'm still fucking up with an alarming frequency and I can't seem to stop. I don't know why it happens or how to make it stop, and I don't know how to make myself think or be more careful or even understand how I'm doing something wrong enough to stop. It's so incredibly frustrating and distressing to know you're going to fuck up, and to try to spend your time mitigating the inevitable**. The thing that made me think I should probably actually get myself checked out, however, was my partner. I've been forgetting a lot of things lately, getting confused, been struggling to keep things right in my head - after driving across the city for an event that had in face been re-scheduled next week, my partner sent me a comic strip from the ADHD Alien that basically outlined my exact mental stateand life. It was his own gentle way of saying "I don't exactly understand what's going on with you, but I think this might be what its called". More importantly though, it's something that, if I really do have it and can be diagnosed with it, we can actually do something about it and getting it managed would actually help my life.

And now, the thrilling culmination...

So. I figure "Feck it, 2020 is the year of getting my brain sorted out or something," and I talk to my GP about how to go about getting assessed for ADHD. My response is more or less a shrug with a side of "Speak to a mental health professional about that." So I speak to my therapist. I know ADHD often comes with ASD, so I figure okay, maybe we'll kill two birds with one stone and see about getting them both assessed.

Turns out she was going to suggest doing an assessment for ASD as well. I initially thought ADHD was in that too, but nope - misunderstanding on my part again. So I need to get off my goddamned backside and track down a way to get tested for the thing that can actually be managed and mitigated, while my stupid head spins its wheels over the thing that probably won't do anything but confirm how different/ not different my brain actually is.

Whatever it is, I worry it's getting worse.

*On a related note, my partner's atitude to his health is so different to my own. I always think I need to prove that something is wrong to my GP before anything can even be looked at. For example, I'm tired a lot, to the point I slip into micro-sleeps / blackouts at work. We thought perhaps I wasn't sleeping well due to the hole in my face being a disaster zone, which I talked to my GP about. A blood-test later revealed that my iron intake was within normal levels, but it was low within normal levels (i.e. I'm not anemic, I've just got a low iron count). So I worked on upping it with more red meat and iron suplaments. No improvement, either in my being tired levels or my iron intake levels (And my sinuses are as clear as they ever get, which is still not good). So stronger Iron checks and a test for celiac disease that I still need to get the results for, despite the fact that I'm about 98% sure they won't show anything. Basically, I'm working to prove that whatever's wrong with my sleep, a sleep study will probably be needed to assess.

My partner pointed out that I could just... go do that. On my own. I don't need my doctor's permission to check to see if I have apnea or some kind of sleeping condition. I don't need to prove I have something that warrents a sleep test, I can just go get a sleep test.

**There's also the distractions that aren't helping. I'll always find something - I made so many paper roses until that was finally burned out of my system, I went through a pad of post-it notes in a few months trying to take down distractions and put them asside before re-focusing on the task before a minor hiccup interrupted that technique, I've opened new windows on my browser and immediately closed them because I'm trying NOT to get distracted, but even if I don't put an obvious distraction in front of myself, I'll stare blankly into space and daydream instead of focusing.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x14 “Ouroboros”

conclusion: yes, apparently feet can look gay, and Dean and Cas are both queer by proxy

04:35pm

me: still v magnesium deficient, sick, dizzy

LET’S WATCH A THING AND THINK ABOUT IT WITH MY PUDDING BRAIN

any thoughts stated here are run through a pudding filter so please do not be alarmed if they are incoherent or a weird colour

okay it’s a Steve Yockey episode so i guess he’s gonna give us a great character and then kill them before the title card

-

04:41

hang on i need to eat and i can’t eat and think at the same time so i’mma go watch an episode of shaun the sheep brb

-

04:46

okay well i watched half an episode and ate half my food so,... yay

LET’S WATCH THIS OTHER THING THEN

-

04:48

sam’s “i believe in us” *PUNCH* still makes me laugh

-

04:49

the body on the AAAAAAAAAAAAA I’

M SCREAMING NOPE NOPE NOPE

-

can i just watch this whole thing with my hand over the screen

because that is what i’ doing rn

oh god i hate this

-

actually you know what

i just skipped to the title card

cause fuck that haahahhaah nope

-

oh lord it didn’t skip to team free will

how much of this do i have to take

-

oh okay tfw are here already

WELL GREAT NOW I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHERE TO SKIP BACK TO

ASJFSDFHSFHSJ

-

04:54

i fuckin love rowena and how much they ask for her help even though they’re “enemies” except they’re clearly lowkey Fond of each other

also i like how this ep started in the middle of the case

-

04:56

rowena: “hello castiel” ;) ;) ;)

okay well

this pleases me

because i know the only way this ends is that cas is not interested and that’s the Point

because he <3s dean

but also why the hell is rowena into cas....... surely she knows he loves dean. unless she’s just into starting shit, i wouldn’t be surprised

-

04:58

the way jack says “i’m not dying”

10/10

-

04:59

cas: “he’s now claimed the lives of six people in northern new mexico”

why does he say “people” like that

-

05:01

dean’s throwing a looooot of salt at rowna. maybe because she keeps flirting with cas

-

“everything means something”

YEAH EXACTLY

DEAN’S SALTY BECAUSE ROWENA’S FLIRTING WITH CAS I’VE DECIDED

-

05:03

sam says dean can keep michael locked in his head “because he’s dean and dean is dean”

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah okay

expert closet curator, you mean

-

05:05

dean has a good feeling about bringing rowena in on this one??????????????? after all the snark????????????

cas: “they do have many books”

me: *squINTS REALLY HARD* i feel like they’re implying something else and neither of them are talking about the same thing. did dean set sam up on a date with rowena????????????

also?

DEAN AND CAS ARE ON A DATE. DEAN AND CAS ARE ON A DINNER DATE IN A DINER. ALERT ALERT ALERT

paralleling rowena and sam perhaps

-

05:08

concerned head tilt

oh god their love and mutual understanding and trust in each other is killing me with its softness

i’m so so so glad we get to see them in some downtime at fucking last

-

05:10

oh no jack’s coughing again

why can’t he have nice things

-

05:10

dean: “that’s what i’m supposed to say, right? i’m fine? keep on moving?”

cas: “no, dean”

the fact dean lets his guard down only with cas in private ;~;

-

sidenote, this episode is giving me my bloody valentine meets hunteri heroici vibes, which is nice because they’re two of my all-time fave episodes

but god i wish it would go easy on the cannibalism

-

05:14

dean: “i’m barely even sleeping” :D

THAT PAINED GRIN OH GOD

but also

i’m so emotional because he told anyone at all, but especially that of all people he told cas

of course he told cas, cas is his emotional sounding board

if this were a fanfic cas would offer to share the bed with dean and help him sleep

....but i mean, who knows, maybe dean was secretly hoping for that anyway

-

05:19

that’s the face of “dean doesn’t know what liturgical means”

-

05:22

jack: “what’s an av club?”

cas: “it’s a special club for people who do not play sports”

dean: *points at cas* “him. he’s av club”

mmmmmmmm yup

autistic nerd

dean’s baseball and track team, cas is av club and student tutoring

but also if dean ever got cas onto the baseball field cas would hit every ball first time

and dean would be swooning

BUT ALSO DEAN WOULD FUCKING LOVE AV CLUB ARE YOU KIDDING ME

he’d be in there with charlie every fuckin day and leaning seductively on furniture while cas does his nerd thing, until the point where something properly capures dean’s interest and then HE WANTS A GO and bats away everyone else’s hands and hogs the contraption for 3 hours. also he’d fix things when they break

DEAN TONE DOWN THE PROJECTION A NOTCH WOULD YA

JEEZ

look i’m just gonna count dean calling cas “av club” as flirting, because hello yes there is no way dean doesn’t find that interesting

-

05:30

i fucking knew it

the moment this episode opened and i saw the guy’s bare feet in the kitchen somehow i knew he was queer ??????????

like

i can’t explain it

but the fact there was a shot of his feet and his feet looked gay i can’t even

anyway this probably doesn’t even count as legit queer rep given he’s seducing guys and killing them so

stupid gay feet

sidenote: did ANYONE else get queer vibes from that opening scene? CAN PEOPLE’S FEET LOOK GAY OR IS THAT JUST ME

maybe it’s like... the sensuality of bare feet + cooking, breaking pointless gender roles n stuff, my brain has been coded by society’s bullshit to perceive sensual men as non-heterosexual

idk

but also. the foot-upward view of a new character... male gaze, right? and seeing the male gaze on a male character makes it queer

goddamn

it’s a thing

it’s a thing and the directing got the point across and it took me until now to work it out

GAY FEET

-

also

now i’m going back to cas’ line “six people”

my initial understanding of that line was that they weren’t all men

but the thing was the people didn’t need to be said that way if it was just men and women

my immediate instinct said the victims were non-binary, but i didn’t type it because i had no reason yet to believe that might be true and it seemed unnecessary to say it

but at this point, as the baddie hits on a guy at a truck stop in exchange for a ride, they’re clearly potentially queer victims

so

yeah that explains the inflection

-

05:41

on the one hand, i’m seeing a connection to that time dean was seduced by a siren

but see my problem with this is that the guy’s either gonna end up dead or saved and i don’t know which yet

i just want happy queer stories

so i’m pretty divided about this

but on the other hand, please, god, let this gorgon guy “sense things” about dean

ALSO WAIT

IS THIS THE FIRST GAY KISS ON THIS SHOW?????????? 90% SURE THIS THE FIRST GAY KISS. there might have been a background one once

PROGRESS HAS BEEN MADE

EVEN IF IT’S EVIL AND TWISTED AND MAKES ME FEEL WEIRD

-

05:44

i feel like there should’ve been an optic nerve attached to that eyeball.. and a lot of gross stuff

but also thank goodness there wasn’t

ohdfjfdg i really hate this

but also i’m smiling?

-

05:46

cas: “is this amusing to you?”

the guy called him sir!!! eeheheh

-

05:47

cas: “you’re not standing alone, why doesn’t he mention me?”

dean: “maybe you’re not his type”

i mean. guess he can’t see angels. BUT ALSO

CAN WE UNPACK HOW UTTERLY QUEER EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS

WE NOW UNDERSTAND THAT NOAH’S TYPE IS QUEER GUYS

AND DEAN KNOWS THIS

SO BY SAYING CAS ISN’T NOAH’S TYPE THAT MEANS HE’S IMPLYING THAT HE HIMSELF IS

BECAUSE HE’S QUEER AF

steve yockey, this is the episode i was waiting to see from you

team free will working a case together, dean and cas on a date talking about their feelings, on a case about queer stuff

hell fucking yes

-

05:52

rowena: “need anti-venom in case one of you boys gets sloppy”

wouldn’t that mean noah kisses either cas or jack

god i’m so glad rowena’s there too

this episode is great sdgsfkg

-

05:53

ROWENA AND SAM FAKING A RELATIONSHIP + A DOG OH MRJGJD IFUCKING LOVE THIS

WHERE DID THEY GET THE DOG

WHERE’S THE BIT LATER WHERE DEAN AND CAS ~FAKE~ A RELATIONSHIP PLEASE

-

05:55

OH MY GOD THE VET STUCK A THERMOMETER IN JACK’S ASS

OH MY GOFH D:

-

06:00

noah: “then he doesn’t have to die like all the other men”

hmmmmmmm

okay so all the victims were men

which makes me even more curious about why cas used that inflection on “people”

cas also looked like of amused? definitely a misha expression rather than a cas expression, the little lilt of a smile on his lips like the way he says any word starting with “h”

maybe some of them were transgender men and cas didn’t know them before they died so could only guess as to their gender? maybe some of the bodies they found were not gender-conforming

it also kiiiiind of sounded like misha changing the script after a discussion on set about it

but if that were true then that means someone on set doesn’t believe gay or queer men are men? maybe? maybe i’m reaching there

but i’m genuinely caught up on that inflection and the use of that word, it really stood out to me

and it stands out especially, now, because like i said, we know the victims were men, we know team free will found them all, and we know they were queer.

but also it’s not dean saying it, it’s cas

and i can’t imagine any scenario where cas would have trouble with non-binary pronouns

if anyone has further thoughts on this, please direct me towards them

-

06:23

my browser broke?? and i lost a chunk of this post, but i had the above stuff backed up in email

i'mma go back a bit and try and remember what i typed

-

idk i think it was just about the fact noah confirmed all his victims were men which further confused me

and then said he also eats ladies

and then said some feminist stuff which made me sad that it came from the bad guy

but also that i could imagine cas saying something similar, deadpan, and then reaching for dean’s burger

-

* schmooch *

whEN DOES DEAN GET TO DO THAT

-

06:28

okay YES

I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO SAY

NOAH SAYS HELLO TO DEAN

WHY JUST DEAN

WHY IS HE FIXATED ON DEAN WHEN THERE’S 3 OTHER PEOPLE IN THE ROOM? and why only write the letter to dean?

I’LL TELL YOU WHY

BECAUSE DEAN’S BISEXUAL AF

AND YES HE IS HIS TYPE

REPRESSED “STRAIGHT” MEN WHO SECRETLY LIKE GUYS

CAN THAT BE ANY MORE OBVIOUS?? I THINK NOT

i love how this episode refers back to some of the older episodes, in the best possible way

conclusion: dean is bi

-

06:32

noah took the bag with the snek inside but i guess the snek esckep

-

06:34

maybe true love’s kiss will wake dean up

CAS QUICK

MIGHT AS WELL TRY RIGHT

-

06:40

hurts my heart how cas has apparently made peace with the fact he’ll outlive dean and sam

i guess it’s good but

can’t help but believe deep down he would rather die than live without them

-

and now i’m crying because cas says the point is that you got to know them at all

suddenly catharsis for future pain

-

06:47

oh NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAGGIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

D:

THIS IS THE WORST

-

06:47

rowena as michael??? okay, that i can get behind

ooh

BUT ALSO

OH NO

-

06:49

michael (about dean): “it didn’t work out. it was him. not me.”

flip of a classic dating line, making this QUEER AGAIN

-

06:55

JACK THE LIL HERO

WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

//waits for the silence to be over

-

06:56

oh boy

-

06:57

OKAY WOW

WHAT AN EPISODE

i was really hoping it would turn into a plotty one, the way changing channels does at the end

this was really well done and i enjoyed it a lot!!!!!!!!! i mean, besides the squicks, and the fact the queer rep and feminist lines came from a bad guy

dean was 100% noah’s type

jack is the bestest baby bean

i feel so bad about the thermometer thing..... like, i’m not sure if it was meant to come across as funny? but there was no indication it should be... which is good i guess? but also i feel secondhand violated

DEAN AND CAS’ DATE AND TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS WHEEE

i like that this episode actually came full circle on that “dean vs michael” point, rather than having it be a one-off conversation and things aren’t resolved until a later episode

i think i’m gonna enjoy rowena as michael. and i like that she said yes because she does care about team free will

sad about maggie :c

but also all those other extra hunters were changed out pretty much episode so there was no real way to know who they were. they seemed pretty diverse though, across various episodes

i liked the asian lady vet!!!! she was fun. and i’m glad the asian gay guy didn’t die... where did he even disappear to though? who knows

overall 10/10? it had all the good shit i like so. yep.

I WANT MORE EPISODE LIKE THIS. QUEER CHARACTERS (PREFERABLY NOT EVIL), MORE ASIAN CHARACTERS, MORE TEAM FREE WILL ON HUNTS, MORE LADIES GETTING COOL ROLES AS PART OF THE TEAM AND/OR AS AN FRENEMY, MORE JACK SAVING THE DAY

MORE ROWENA IN PANTS

yeah

but more of all

MORE GAY KISSES FOR DEAN AND CAS

i love that the fact noah was fixated on dean put him in the “noah’s type = queer” category, and when noah kissed cas it did the same thing

so really, by evil proxy, noah made a point of showing us who’s queer

i mean we already knew

but HE SHOWED US

yee

-

no conclusion on why cas said p e o p l e though

[houseki-no-suffering]

Genre: College AU, (romantic) comedy Pairings: Euc/Lapis; Antarc/Phos; some Jade/Rutile, Alex/Chryso, Padpa/Yellow Summary: Lit major and local college asshole, Lapis Lazuli has developed a sudden interest for Advanced Statistics, and for Prof. Euclase, apparently. If this sounds like a trashy romantic comedy, you’d be absolutely right

A/N: happy bday to me! this year i’m gifting myself and the fandom the silliest, mushiest, quirkiest fic my brain could come up with after the pain of chap 75 (and 76). ALL THESE ROCKS ARE ALIVE AND HAPPY, YOU’RE WELCOME! As always, thanks to Lapishead for betareading this. Enjoy! 

“Did they open?” Lapis suddenly appeared behind Cairngorm’s chair, making them almost jump out of the seat.

“What the hell?”

Ignoring their complaints, Lapis picked up Cairn’s bag from the chair next to them and dropped it on the floor. They took a seat on the now empty chair, crossing their legs to catch Cairn’s attention.

“Did they open?” they asked again.

Cairngorm mumbled a couple of courses, as if they had not occupied the seat specifically for Lapis. It was impossible to find a free computer in all of campus today. They refreshed the browser again before groaning. They slouched in their chair, shoving their hands inside their hoodie’s pockets.

“No. For fuck’s sake, they said 3pm! I got better stuff to do than wait for registration to open.”

“Like?” Lapis smirked as they typed in their own password. Their fingernails made sharp clicking noises on the keyboard, joining in the chorus of students refreshing the same page over and over. They predicted it would not be long until the website crashed, as per usual.

“S-studying! Stuff, you know?”

“Do I?”

“Will you stop? I’m a very busy person and I hate this- this waiting. I didn’t sign up for a life of debt to have shitty wi-fi.”

“Anxious to learn new things, aren’t we?” Lapis refreshed the browser on their computer, typed a course name and hit enter. It got in: the registrar had started working.

“Fuck, this semester’ll be hell. Got two 200-level courses.”

“No, dear, you got two 200 courses and one 300 course,” Lapis finished uploading their schedule then they leaned over, their hair falling over in Cairngorm’s lap. They took hold of Cairn’s mouse and refreshed their browser too, adding a course to Cairngorm’s schedule. “You’re taking advanced stats with me,” they announced.

“What? Fuck no, what the hell, gimme that,” Cairn bent over to grab the mouse but Lapis was faster. They curled over it grinning like a cat.

“You need 3 math credits and I need a friend to bug. You should thank me.”

“I’m shit at math, I’m gonna fail.”

“Not if I do your final.”

“I’m not risking that. Gimme that thing back, I need to drop this class before all the easy courses are full.”

Judging by the curses of the students behind Lapis, it was already too late. But Cairngorm wasn’t paying attention to them. They bent over the desk too, trying to move Lapis’ arms to snatch the mouse from them. Lapis drew back, all too amused, they raised the mouse over their head, perfectly aware of the height difference between them and Cairn.

“Aw, won’t you do it for me?” they pleaded.

“Hell no. And don’t make a scene. Gimme that thing.”

“It’ll be fun. Ghost’s coming too.”

“What?”

“You gonna say no to some cute sibling time?”

Cairngorm hesitated. Lapis knew they would not allow Ghost to spend that much alone time with Lapis Lazuli. That’s what made it a full-proof plan. When Cairngorm sighed, withdrawing, Lapis knew they had won this match.

“Why stats?” Cairn asked.

“It’s a general elective.”

“Who takes advanced statistics as a general elective?”

Lapis grinned, giving Cairn back the mouse so they could complete the registration.

“You, me and Ghost.”

----

Ghost Quartz was filing the last book returns for the day. As a library intern, they had access to the best Wi-Fi of the university and they had been able to file and submit their schedule just as the students in the computer labs cursed the website for crashing twice. Not that Ghost would need the advantage, anyway. Mortuary Science wasn’t the most popular degree on campus.

They had just picked up some books to reshelf when they heard Lapis’ voice chirping a “hello” to one of their colleagues.

“How did it go?” Ghost mumbled when they believed Lapis had come close enough to hear them. They didn’t turn their head to look at their friend but kept walking to the designated shelf.

“Cairn’s coming,” they sounded excited. Ghost hummed in agreement as they placed one of the books in place.

“Of course they would,” and they would regret it as soon as they checked the average grades for advanced stats. Somehow that didn’t seem to bother Lapis at all, despite how much they cared about their gpa.

“It’s going to be fun,” Lapis chirped.

Ghost had agreed to add the class to their schedule almost as soon as Lapis asked them to. Just like Cairn, Ghost too needed to fulfil algebra requirements even if, under other circumstances, they would have thought of taking one more biology class or something related to chemistry. Maybe something easy to make a though semester more bearable. But they couldn’t say no to Lapis. Still, they still wondered why an English Lit major would be interested in statistics. Was it just to prove that Lapis could pass one of the hardest classes offered by their university?  

“Why the sudden interest?” Ghost dared ask.

In a flash of long blue hair, Lapis was in front of Ghost, taking the last book from their arms. They cradled it as a treasure, holding it to their chest with crafted charm.

“Do I need a reason?” they smiled, tilting their head to the side. Ghost’s next words died in their throat.

-----

“So how did registration go?”

Antarcticite groaned, resting their chin on the palm of their hands.

“It was okay.”

“Missed a class?”

“No, no, I managed to enroll in all the courses I needed.”

“Then what’s on your mind?”

Antarcticite sighed, getting up. They glanced at the clock again and then at all the empty seats of the classroom. 9 pm wasn’t a great time for club meetings but what choice do you have when it’s this or getting your club canceled?

Lapis thought Antarc should be content: they had managed to keep the lit club alive with sheer willpower and reputation. But something was definitely bugging them, something unrelated to the club and that the lack of members made harder to repress. Still, Antarcticite wasn’t used to talk about their problems and Lapis found it useless to pry. If Antarc wanted to talk, they would.

Just as Antarc was clearing their voice, resigned to start a meeting with an audience of three students, the door opened and Cinnabar dragged themselves inside the room, puffing and panting as if they had run all the way here from the other side of the campus.

“Fashionably late, aren’t we?”

Cinnabar shot Lapis a murderous glance before letting themselves fall on the nearest chair to catch their breath. Antarcticite cleared their throat again, visibly more relaxed now that the audience number had increased.

“So, last time we thought of bringing back the literary magazine-“ they began. They had a way to pace around the room in very composed steps, barely gesticulating at all. Lapis found it amusing but not as much as the student to their right.

“You look fatigued, Shinsha,” they whispered, hunching over to get closer to them.

“None of your business.”

“Why, were you doing something exciting?”

“None of your business.”

“Someone exciting mayhaps?”

Cinnabar flushed a deep red.

“Will you just shut up?”

Lapis chuckled, brushing a lock of hair behind their ear.

“My, nothing to be embarrassed about,” then they stole a glance at Antarc, who was still pacing, so absorbed in the task at hand that they had failed to notice that no one was paying attention anymore. Maybe that was among the reasons these meetings were quickly declining in popularity.

“They need a fuck,” Lapis mumbled, still looking at them. It was a pleasure to see Cinnabar’s complexion becoming even redder from the corner of Lapis’ eye.

“Or a partner. Possibly both,” Lapis elaborated.

“What’d you even know?” Cinnabar managed to reply.

“Did I hit a nerve?”

“No thanks, I’m fine.”

“But you were all worked up when you got in. What happened?”

Cinnabar sighed, crossing their arms over their chest. They stole a glance at Antarc too, just to make sure they would not be offended in case they had noticed the ongoing conversation. Such a kind, surly soul, Lapis thought.

“My new roommate’s a moron.”

“Oh, tell me about them.”

“Like, an actual moron. Stupid freshman. Leaves their stuff everywhere, doesn’t turn off the alarm when I’m trying to fucking sleep, speaks in their fucking sleep,” Cinnabar ran a hand over their face, “Loud. So loud, all the damn time. And they always have this stupid grin on their face like life’s amazing and the world’s sparkly with rainbows and shit.”

“Aw, someone’s in love,” Lapis chirped.

“It sounds like Phos,” Ghost mumbled, chiming in on the conversation. Their eyes were still following Antarcticite and they had even taken notes, but somehow they had heard the whole conversation.

“You know them?”

“They take visual comm with Cairn. They came over to study a couple of times. They’re cute.”

“See?” Lapis chuckled, “they’re cute.”

“They’re a moron is what they are. If you like them so much adopt them and gimme back my alone time.”

“You still get plenty of alone time, dear.”

“No,” Cinnabar shoved their hands inside their pockets, scoffing, “I’m here with you.”

“Guess we’re just that awesome.”

Antarcticite chose that precise moment to meet Lapis’ gaze and realize that no one had been listening to a word they were saying. The room fell into a deeper, more uncomfortable silence. It was heartbreaking, really.

-----

When Lapis Lazuli finally got home, it was almost midnight. Antarc had kept them long after closing hours to lecture them on the goals of the lit club and its legacy, and how concerned they were about its current state. Then they insisted Lapis review the timetable for the following meetings on the spot, because it made no sense to postpone to tomorrow what you could do today.

Under other circumstances, Lapis would agree with them, but they were tired and they wanted to break the news about the stat course to Rutile. At least, Antarc had the consideration to drive Lapis back to their place.

The apartment was eerily silent when Lapis entered. They could hear the whirring sound of Rutile’s computer in the dark and wagered if their roommate had fallen asleep on the keyboard again. Lapis threw their coat on the couch and made their way to Jade and Rutile’s room, with a mind of waking up the latter if they were already asleep. But Rutile’s face peeked out from the kitchen’s door just as Lapis was halfway to the bedroom, giving them a fright.

“Where have you been?”

“My, this light isn’t flattering at all to your eye-bags. I was hoping you’d catch some sleep.”

“And have you jump on me in my sleep again? Jade’s resting, it’d wake them up.”

Lapis leaned their weight on the kitchen counter, playing with their hair to mask their impatience.

“So considerate.”

“Of course,” Rutile poured two cups of coffee and offered one to Lapis with a smile, “they’re way more fun to argue with when they’re nice and rested.”

Lapis accepted it to keep their hands busy but didn’t bring it to their lips. It was too soon in the semester to start injecting caffeine into their body in the middle of the night.

“It’s gonna be hard. Don’t they have midterms?”

“Precisely.”

Lapis assumed Rutile was studying for some kind of midterm as well because they emptied they cup with the resignation of a desperate student. When Rutile reached for the pot and started refilling their mug, Lapis put down their own and cleared their voice.

“Anything you wanna ask me?” they offered.

“Anything you gotta tell me?”

Lapis chuckled.

“You really thought I’d chicken out?”

Rutile glanced up from their mug for a second, a flash of surprise crossed their eyes and it soon turned into amusement. They began to laugh, breathless, hoarse chuckles.

“God, you really- you did it?”

“Told you I would,” Lapis smiled but some part of them wished Rutile would take this more seriously, give them the recognition they deserved.

“Oh my God,” Rutile wiped their eyes with the back of their hand. Med students really were hysterical, Lapis thought. “Who knew you’d be so desperate?”

“Envious already? Wanna dare me to take film production next?”

“Damn. Calm down. Who do you think you are? You didn’t even do anything yet.”

“I enrolled.”

“Doesn’t prove anything. I said ‘romance.’”

“Pretty sure you said ‘fuck.’”

Rutile wheezed, leaning back on the counter. They glanced sideways at Lapis, their lips parted as if to say something witty, but in the end they gulped it down and offered their roommate a smile instead. A few thoughtful seconds trickled by and Lapis fought to keep their demeanor neutral.

“You’re just a kid,” Rutile mumbled eventually.

Lapis’ perfectly relaxed expression cracked. They frowned, their nails digging marks in their palms.

“So were you,” they said. Then they turned their back, ignoring whatever reply Rutile might come up with, and walked to their bedroom with brusque, rushed steps.

[harrisongreeves-blog]

Laravel 6.0: What You Should Know

Since the inception of Laravel 5.0 around 4.5 years ago, the Laravel ecosystem has blossomed into something that leaves users nothing to complain about, to say the least. Laravel Nova, Laravel Horizon, Laravel Echo, Laravel Scout, and Laravel Passport are just some of the tools that have been introduced since then. At the time of this writing, we’re on Laravel 5.8 and Taylor Otwell has decided to skip past 5.9 on to 6.0 on the 3rd of September. Previously, Taylor has stressed that this won’t be a major paradigm shift for Laravel and the most significant change will be the transition to semantic versioning. However, this doesn’t mean that there aren’t plenty of new features worth talking about.

Let’s dive into some of the smaller changes first.

The Smaller Things

Authorization

Authorization messages can now be made easier for users to understand. Before Laravel 6.0, the infrastructure wasn’t in place to easily give a specific response to a user when they were given an authorization-related error. The status code could be given fairly easily, but giving a custom error message was more complicated back then. Giving a custom messaged required the developer to create a new file and write their own exceptions.

Now, to get a customizable authorization response, you can simply use the Gate::inspect method when linking to the function that enables you to receive the response. Delivery of the message to the front-end is also easy to organize. Simply add $this->authorize or Gate::authorize to a suitable route or controller.

No More Default Front-End

The typical front-end setup you are given when you first start a Laravel project is now gone. This means the Vue and Bootstrap code you would usually see, would have now been removed. What it’s been replaced with is unknown. Perhaps, it hasn’t been replaced. Strangely, the make:auth command, used to provide the login system scaffolding is now not a part of the original Laravel install either. To be honest, the rationale behind this change is unclear to me. However, given Laravel’s versioning adjustment, it makes sense that third-party technologies like Vue and Bootstrap that haven’t recently undergone the same changes could cause conflict. Though, this is merely speculation.

If you want access to the old UI, you can extract a composer package that contains it with the CLI: composer require laravel/ui and php artisan ui vue --auth.

Lazy Collections

This is one of the more interesting additions. If you’re new to Laravel, Collections are tools that make it easier for you to manipulate arrays. Eloquent, one of the two main tools in Laravel used to communicate with databases, returns its queries as Collection instances. Check out the docs for Collections if you think you’re gonna lack context in a moment. https://laravel.com/docs/5.8/collections

So, what are Lazy Collections? Traditional Collections are often used for working with large amounts of data. When they run into data-heavy files, they’ll try and store all of that data at once. This may sound quick and convenient but the downside is that this is very memory-taxing. Lazy Collections solve this problem by only storing the part of the file they need, and thus, save memory usage and boost performance.

If you understand how lazy loading works then you’ll be familiar with my previous explanation. Lazy loading works the same way. When you make a request to the server with lazy loading implemented, the browser will only return the part of the web page it knows you’re going to use immediately. Then, when the user scrolls down the page or clicks on an internal link, the server will provide you the necessary content it knows you need. This way, only memory that is needed at that particular moment is being used. This method increases speed. Lazy Collections is kind of like lazy loading but with arrays from a database and not content on a webpage.

The Bigger Things

Laravel Ignition

So yeah, the new error page for Laravel is called Ignition and it looks awesome. It’ll be the default error page for Laravel when 6.0 releases. However, if you don’t feel like making the switch to 6.0 just yet, that’s fine, you can still install Ignition on previous versions. Let’s talk about what Ignition brings to the table.

With Whoops (the current default Laravel error page), stack traces and relevant code snippets are shown in an error page, but this doesn’t always lead the developer to the solution. Worse, sometimes the stack traces just reference compiled paths. This can it make it difficult to find the necessary non-compiled files to fix because they aren’t listed anywhere on the error page. Thankfully, this isn’t a problem with Ignition, it can display to you the non-compiled file where the problem actually exists. By clicking on a pencil icon, you can go directly to the file in your chosen editor.

The second coolest feature of Ignition is that it can display potential solutions when displaying an error message. Most error pages just leave you with the error. For example, if the error is that you misspelled a property name, Ignition will tell you that the property has been misspelled and offer you the correct spelling. Solution suggestions can be way more sophisticated than this, I’ll link you to the source down below. Your suggestions are even customizable!

You wanna know the coolest feature? These solution suggestions are actually runnable!

Yes, really. Take a look at this short demo by one of the creators, Freek Van der Herten.

https://youtu.be/EZu0-CwTU9Q

Also, you can add your own runnable solutions too! This is great as Ignition is open source so people in the Laravel community will undoubtedly contribute their own solutions for everyone to use.

There’s a bunch of other cool features too such as creating your own tabs (yes Ignition has tabs) and sharing your error messages with other people. This is done using Flare, a tool that comes with Ignition.

For everything about Laravel Ignition and Flare, visit https://freek.dev/1441-ignition-a-new-error-page-for-laravel.

Laravel Vapor

Another big one. Laravel Vapor is a serverless deployment platform for Laravel. But wait, why do we need a deployment platform? We already have Laravel Forge, right? As beloved as Forge is amongst the Laravel community, it does have its limitations. It doesn’t have autoscaling to deal with large sudden increases in traffic that prevent your site from crashing. Also, configuration is required when OS or PHP updates occur. Vapor has autoscaling, so, you don’t have to worry about sudden spikes in your traffic causing website downtime. In addition, because of the serverless structure of Vapor, it also handles all the updates you may stress about when using Forge.

Vapor’s website is very clean looking and everything seems easy to find. When you deploy a project, you can see the different stages of the deployment process loading on the UI. I find this to be very reassuring and comforting. You can also rollback your application with a click of a button. Just click on “rollback” and it’ll do just that. Pretty neat. Same deal if you want your app to undergo maintenance. Just click on the “maintenance mode” button.

Another cool feature of Laravel Vapor is that you’re able to set alarms. What do I mean by that? For example, to know when your website traffic suddenly blows up, you can set a certain amount of HTTP requests per minute, and if your website hits that limit, the alarm will go off, informing you of the surge in traffic. Taylor Otwell showcases this and other conditionals in his Laravel Vapor demo which I’ll link to below.

There’s so much to cover with Laravel Vapor and the Laravel update itself. Because of this, I didn’t really want to dive into the complexities too much in this post. To learn more about the technical aspects of Laravel 6.0, you can take a look at the release notes here https://laravel.com/docs/6.0/releases. For more info on Laravel Vapor, visit this video by Taylor Otwell https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsPeWjKAUt0&t=362s.

[turtlepated]

The Turnings of Fire

Chapter 2:

Whatever he had been expecting of a town that had been on fire for half a century, the reality was underwhelming.

As they neared the airspace over the derelict Mid-Atlantic town, all Hellboy could see out the chopper windows was a patchwork of trees spread over the hills and a grid of old roads and powerlines. Here and there open pit mines yawned wide like chasms, but nothing looked out of the ordinary. “Centralia, dead ahead,” Daimio informed them through their headsets. “I’ll circle us around, find someplace to set her down.” Hellboy thought maybe they’d at least see some smoke trails, after all there was a raging inferno below the tranquil landscape, but he couldn’t spot anything from around a thousand feet up.

Daimio cut them in a wide arc around the once-and-former-town, which was now little more than old, deserted streets leading nowhere and empty lots reclaimed by trees and underbrush and grass. “Hard to believe this used to be a town,” said Alice over the comms, thumbing through a photo gallery she’d looked up on her phone. “There’s only about five people living here now.” Hellboy chuckled slightly. “Hard to believe anybody thought it’d be a good idea to light a garbage pit on fire. But here we are.”

They were coming around the western edge of the town when something caught his eye. “What’s that?” “We’re about to find out,” Daimio replied

, maneuvering the chopper lower towards a small clearing off of a dirt access road. The fuselage gave a little shudder as the landing skids met the ground, brown scrub grass dancing in the downdraft. While Daimio switched off the engine, Alice and Hellboy were making last checks on their equipment. “I got something,” said Alice, scrutinizing the LCD monitor of an infrared thermometer. “There’s a spot less than a klick from here that’s reading significantly warmer than the area around it. Could be one of those new tunnels Kraus mentioned.” Hellboy fiddled with the fit of his radio’s earpiece, clipping the transceiver to his belt next to a handheld gas detector.

He then drew the Samaritan, snapped open the cylinder with a flick of his wrist to double check each chamber before snapping it back into place and returning it to the holster. “We don’t know for sure if it’s underground,” he said as Daimio exited the cockpit to join them, checking over his own weapon and earpiece. “If it’s a wyrm, and if it’s a female with eggs, she ain’t gonna be happy to see us, so watch your backs.” Alice passed him an IR thermometer and his respirator with a half grin. “Don’t worry about us, we’ve got the easy job. You just make sure you don’t fall down a sinkhole or something.”

Hellboy led the way out of the clearing, following the downward sloping dirt path into the trees. In between the trunks he kept catching glimpses of what he saw from the air, and in just a couple minutes they found themselves standing on the remnants of an asphalt highway. Deep cracks and fissures full of dirt and weeds split the road, and every inch of pavement was covered in graffiti. Words and designs, pictures and names in every color imaginable, most of it faded, all layered over top of one another over the decades, sprawling up and down the highway all the way to its end on their left and as far as they could see to the right. “Wicked!” Alice breathed, grinning as she turned in place to take it all in.  “Looks like they closed this section of road off,” said Daimio, checking the temperature on his IR thermometer. “According to the burn map one of the fronts is right below us.”

They trekked to the end of the graffiti highway, and Hellboy chuckled to himself at the large words spray painted in white: “End of the road!” Up ahead down a narrow dirt path he could see the real road, apparently empty. He went still as he emerged from the dirt path, catching the sound of movement close by. “Company,” he called low over his shoulder to Daimio and Alice, reaching to brush aside his coat and laying his hand on the grip of the Samaritan while the others moved to either side of him. They all stood frozen, listening, waiting, as the sounds grew louder. Hellboy tensed and then immediately relaxed as three college-age young men came into view, talking and laughing together. Each of them carried a plastic shopping bag that clattered and clinked in such a way that he felt sure they were full of aerosol paint cans.

One of them spotted the three agents and went still and quiet, alerting the other two. Both parties stood a short distance apart, awkwardly gaping at one another. Well, the three young men mostly just stared at Hellboy with wide, round eyes and slightly open mouths. Daimio recovered first, all business as he called to the three taggers, “Official BPRD business, return to your vehicles and vacate the premises. This area isn’t safe.” He didn’t deign to repeat himself and continued forward, followed by Alice and Hellboy.

The taggers hadn’t moved other than to turn and keep them in sight as they passed by. “Hey!” one of them exclaimed, snapping abruptly out of his stupor, pointing to them and beaming excitedly at his friends. “You’re Hellboy!” “Nah, I’m Cliff Burton,” he joked. “I’m not actually dead, but don’t tell anybody.”

Using the IR thermometers, they followed the temperature irregularities in search of the tunnel entrance. Hellboy began to notice dead vegetation, more and more of it as they went on. Killed by the underground fire, he knew. “There it is,” said Alice, looking up from her screen. Twenty or so yards ahead at the top of the hill was a flat, square patch of grass surrounded by a wrought iron fence. Inside were rows of headstones, the granite and marble markers glinting in the sun. At the back of the graveyard, just outside the iron fence, a large black hole opened up in the earth. The trio shared a knowing look and approached it with caution.

It looked as though the hole had occurred naturally, probably started out as a sinkhole like the others in town. As the fire burned its way through underground coal pillars, the unsupported ground above it would collapse; a large part of the reason why the town had been abandoned. The hole might have been a result of normal mine subversion, but around the edges Hellboy could see where something had dug it out into a larger opening. “Guess this is the way in,” he grunted unenthusiastically, taking a small flashlight from his belt and shining the beam into the blackness. Alice wrinkled her nose and pressed the cuff of her sleeve against the lower half of her face. “Smells like matches and spoiled eggs.” Daimio was studying the gas detector, a furrow between his brows. “That’ll be the sulfur dioxide and hydrogen sulfide,” he said grimly. “CO1 and CO2, methane, all in small quantities. If those gases are escaping through this hole, it must connect to a mine tunnel.”

Hellboy jerked around to face Daimio. “Methane?” he repeated. “What, like what comes out of the sewer? Doesn’t that stuff explode?” “Yes, quite” Daimio replied sardonically, fixing him with a smirk. “If I were you, I’d go easy with the peashooter down there.” He nodded meaningfully at the Samaritan on Hellboy’s hip. Hellboy sighed again, stretching the headband of the respirator around his head and over his horns before placing it snuggly over his nose and mouth. “If I blow myself up, Alice, delete my browser history,” he joked, edging closer to the hole and peering down to try and see how deep the drop would be. Alice didn’t laugh at his jape, looking rather concerned. He glanced momentarily toward the cemetery only a few yards behind them, wondering what she might be picking up. “Just be careful,” she said, smiling tightly. He grinned at her before remembering that his mouth was now covered and she couldn’t see it, making a mocking, dramatic salute instead. “Relax, it’ll be fine,” he assured her, sitting on the edge of the hole and carefully lowering himself into the earth. “Flushing out a bunch of wyrms? Easy-peasy, SHIT!”

The ground gave suddenly under him and he lost his grip on the crumbling edge before he could find a secure foothold. He heard Alice shout his name in alarm as he dropped out of sight, skidding down the side of the tunnel while his fingers scrabbled against the damp earth, trying to catch himself. Luckily the bottom was only about twelve feet down. He staggered upon landing on the uneven floor that sloped sharply further downward, his heart thumping a little after the surprise. “I’m okay!” he called back up to the others, hearing them sigh in unison. His front and head and palms were covered in dark, loamy soil and he shook himself, clapping his hands against his legs to knock some of it off. As he brushed dirt off his shirt and shoulders he squinted in the near darkness, trying to get a look at what was around him. “Can’t see worth a crap!” he said. “Got just the thing!” came Alice’s voice from above, followed by the sounds of her rummaging in her bag. “Heads up!” Craning his head back he watched her drop a relatively small object down the hole, catching it easily and bringing it closer to his face to see what it was: an LED camping lantern.

He pressed the power button and the tunnel was awash in white light, a second press of the button dimmed it to a more comfortable brightness level. “Thanks!” he called up to her. “If you run into trouble, we won’t be much help other than to call in for back up,” Daimio called back. “Keep your tracker on, stay in radio contact, and try not to run into trouble.” Hellboy laughed humorlessly to himself, “Yeah, yeah,” holding the lantern aloft to get a better look at what lay ahead.

The earthen tunnel was roughly six feet wide and high enough that he wouldn’t have to walk stooped over. It was also noticeably warmer here, even with the above ground world only twelve feet away. Before him the floor of the entrance tunnel sloped downward, beyond the reach of the lantern’s light. He wasn’t going to find anything just standing here… With one last look up at the circle of light over his head, Hellboy cracked his neck and set off down the tunnel. “Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off to work I go,” he mumbled to himself, giving a snort of derisive laughter that seemed abnormally loud and faded unusually fast.

In no time at all it fell completely silent save for the sound of his own footsteps and breathing. It pressed stiflingly against his ears. The darkness outside the lantern light seemed almost tangible, as though it were watching and waiting for a chance to reach out and grab him. Hellboy began to tense at the creeping sensation of foreboding but didn’t slow his pace. He had a job to do here in Hell’s basement, and the sooner he got it over with the sooner they’d be out of here.

As he delved deeper and the oppressive silence persisted, Hellboy found himself wishing that Alice or Daimio would say something over the radio, anything to break up the God-awful quiet. It was leaving him far too much time to think. Hellboy prided himself on his ability to simply get on with it and not dwell on the myriad of horrifying aspects that came along with his job. In all the time he’d worked with the BPRD he’d shaken off more than his fair share of terrible experiences, but he was having a hard time moving on from his most recent venture in Britain.

How were you supposed to come back from finding out that you were destined to usher in the end of the world?

His eyes were on the ground, on the toes of his boots as he plodded along down the tunnel, but he wasn’t seeing that. He was back in the church, the hilt of an ancient sword grasped in his flesh hand while flames licked up and down the blade, dazzling him, stirring something inside him that he’d always been a least a little aware of but was buried so deep down he barely noticed it. It was almost like anger but different, sharper, deeper and more focused. It felt like power, and, worst of all, it felt damn good. All his life, Hellboy had been acutely conscious of just how different he was from the humans around him. Sometimes it bothered him, sometimes it didn’t so much, but in that moment with the sword in hand and the crown of fire on his head it was the furthest thing from his mind, inconsequential. The Blood Queen had said this was what he was meant to be, it was his truest self: Anung un Rama. The Osiris Club assholes, Ruiz, hell, even his own father had made various efforts to kill him before he could light the whole damn world on fire and wipe out humanity. With the flaming Excalibur, the crown, with Nimue the Blood Queen kneeling at his feet, offering him the world, offering him herself, for one horrible moment he accepted her words as truth.

Then the very next moment he had thought to himself “Screw that!” and taken her head off with one swing of the burning sword. As quickly as it had come that feeling, that other self, had receded back where it came from, vanished with the crown of fire and his broken off horns. He still felt it, though. And like a missing tooth he kept catching himself poking tentatively at it, hoping it was gone for good while also ominously certain that it was not.

“Come in, HB, do you copy?”

He jumped a little, startled out of his brooding by Alice’s voice crackling over the comms. “I gotcha, Alice,” he replied, his voice steady as he forcibly pulled himself back to the task at hand. “We’re picking up some underground movement ahead of you,” Alice informed him. “And the locals are getting tetchy.” Given the fact that all but five of the locals were dead and buried, Hellboy took that to mean that she was feeling some unsettling vibes from the nearby cemetery. “What’s it looking like down there? Any sign of our target?” asked Daimio. “Nothin’ yet,” he answered, consulting his IR thermometer. “Must be near the fire, though, this thing’s really heating up.” 

Up ahead, something was different. He could feel a shifting in the air and he proceeded with caution. “Ah crap,” he sighed. The tunnel had come to a sort of hub, a large relatively circular space with a higher ceiling and four new passageways facing him that seemed to branch out into four different directions. “What is it?” Alice asked. “Intersection,” he grunted back. “And the GPS don’t exactly work down here.”  

“Movement detected to the northwest of your position,” said Daimio. “Take the left-most passage, keep a sharp eye.” “The sharpest,” Hellboy shot back lowly. “And remember not to fire your gun in the gas-filled tunnel or you’ll blast us all to kingdom come,” Alice added brightly. He chuckled. “Right. Just for future reference: what exactly am I supposed to do when I find this thing?” “Teach it to sing ‘God Save the Queen’ for all I care,” growled Daimio. “Just get it the hell out of there without blowing anything up.” 

Smirking to himself at the impatient snarl in Daimio’s voice, Hellboy started down the tunnel to the far left. The temperature was slowly rising, he could feel that much, but it wasn’t uncomfortable yet. He checked the gas detector, which was reading higher concentrations of the noxious cocktail of gases Daimio had registered up top. As the heat rose and the air grew fouler, there was an increasing likelihood of finding the wyrm. With any luck at all, she hadn’t laid her eggs yet, and just his presence in her chosen den ought to be enough to run her off. She wouldn’t want to leave her clutch in a place she didn’t feel safe.  

But then, considering his so-called “luck”, she’d come and gone and there were a half dozen five foot long hatchlings slithering around underground. Like certain species of snakes, newly hatched wyrms had extremely venomous bites as a defensive compensation for their smaller size and vulnerability. The venom wouldn’t kill him, he knew, but it would hurt like hell.  

Hellboy felt a sort of tingle that made the hair on his forearms and the back of his neck prickle, like a static charge. He slowed, stopped, listening hard. Nothing looked amiss in the circle of light given off by the lantern and it was quiet as the grave, but he was certain that he was not alone. Ahead of him the passageway disappeared around a long curve. Studying it carefully, Hellboy switched off his lantern and moved to stand against the wall. There was no residual light for his eyes to adjust to, so he simply waited and listened.  

Unlike him, the wyrm(s) were suited for life underground. They were perfectly capable of navigating in total darkness, but a sudden blast of bright LED light might buy him time to subdue it. He could hear something moving in the dark, growing closer and closer. Hellboy shut his eyes so he wouldn’t blind himself when he switched the lantern back on. He tensed, his finger on the power button as the movement drew nearer. When it was only feet away Hellboy stepped away from the wall, held the lantern out in front of him and pressed the button.  

The loud, surprisingly un-monstery cry of shock and pain was enough to make him open his eyes, wincing against the sudden luminance and squinting through watering eyes at the silhouetted form. 

Tall, though shorter than him, two-legged and distinctly not a serpentine dragon-like creature, with an arm raised against the brilliant light. Hellboy lowered the lantern and dimmed it, blinking owlishly at what was now very clearly a human in tennis shoes, jeans and a beat-up moto-jacket, with a handkerchief tied around their mouth and nose. “What the hell….?” he muttered. “You find something?” asked Daimio over the comms. Now that his eyes had adjusted, Hellboy realized it was a woman standing there and that she looked as surprised to see him and he was to see her.  

“You could say that…” 

Sorry it took so long! Work has been crazy and lunch breaks are about the only time I get to write. 

Reviews appreciated!