#homicidal vent

[vixen-angel]

hi welcome to my blog =] im not new to tumblr, just wanted a side account to rant on and be angry on.

speaking of, if you yourself are quite angry and wanna vent, i have asks on and you can go anon. talk to me, im always here. =]

heres a bit about me:

i won't be saying my real name for privacy reasons, you can call me rory though =] .

i use she/her pronouns, i am a cis lesbian.

i am german, though i dont know way too much of the language, i was taught english for majority of my life.

i have bpd and severe anger issues causing most of my thoughts. i have never and will never act on any of my thoughts, i am not a danger to myself or others.

i have no dni.

my only boundaries are that you dont flirt with me.

i like true crime, metal, psychology, music in general, cooking, writing, art, and slasher films.

i have a discord, dm me for that if you would like to be friends.

i am very open about my support for everyone who has any mental disorders, i have a whole separate blog for mental health where i talk mostly about bpd(mainly cluster b's like myself), npd, and autism

thats all i can really think about now =] thanks for visiting my blog <3

[psychopathicfreak]

I fixed iiit ~ !

[arlene-needs-a-break]

need friends who will listen to me vent about homicidal thoughts without reporting me or thinking I'm actually insane

[maniacjohnny]

making friends is hard

also follow my insta @ickachris (please.)

pls give this attention I’m so lonely and I worked so hard on it

[drifting-bones]

it's so fucking awful when the people that you love the most hurt you and all you can feel is the most intense hatred that you've ever felt in your life. i want to be fair, i still want to love them, but i'd be lying if i said i didn't lie awake at night thinking about how bad i want them dead.

[iwillbreakyourfuckingskull]

Kinda uhhh realising maybe it's not normal to masturbate while having daydreams about being violently abused to death when you're like 4 years old every night before bed. Maybe it is not normal that some of your earliest memories are of you lying still with your eyes open and holding your breath seeing how dead you can be in your bed after imaging yourself being murdered. Maybe it's not normal when strange men walk up to your mom after you did belly dancing for a school play when you were 7 to tell her how great you were at it and how you were so captivating. And for my mom to brag about me appealing to a strange father like that. And for her mom to brag about it too. How I was so charming and beautiful and smart and a natural performer. How I was groomed by my own grandma for her own sadistic pleasures of manipulating children into doing what she wanted. A little song bird in its cage. A puppy doing tricks for its family. A child wanting to be loved by being useful to their family. A sister wanting to take on the burden of being the perfect doll to protect her younger siblings without even understanding that that was what she was doing. A little girl acting without even thinking. Just going along as if she didn't have free will. Just like a robot doing what it was built to do when you press the button. Don't think. Just do. Don't think. Just. Do.

I am so overwhelmed. I am fatigued. I feel so isolated and lonely. I cant tell anyone I know. I dont have many clear memories. My body remembers, but what precisely it's reliving, I don't know. Im scared to know. I want her dead

[venusfaierie]

the cluster b urge to repeatedly slam their head into a wall

[naokoiam]

Nvm, that feminine urge to kms

[shoecrabs]

It's so wild being someone who related to Jason's Eldest Daughter/Gifted Kid SyndromesTM and Piper's If I'm Different Maybe I'll Finally Be Good Enough, But Being "Different" Makes Me Feel More Lonely on their first read through HoO/tLH (and being scared, confused and angry at how much it called me out since they were the first characters I saw myself in) VS seeing how much hate for their characters were/are getting for being "boring" kids with personality image issues hits different lmao

[violentdyke]

THIS BLOG IS 18+ ONLY.

About Me 💀

I am Ithe. They/It/He/She. Bodily 22. Persecutor alter and ex co-host. Previously dormant. Nonhuman, agender, and aromantic. I am averse to love.

This blog is my outlet. I am autistic, and psychotic. I have anger issues and volatile emotions. I often lack remorse, empathy, and compassion. I experience violent urges/fantasies and homicidal ideation. I am a suicide, abuse, and psych survivor. I am trying to become a better person.

I have no DNI. If I don't like you I will just block you.

---

Something wicked this way comes.

[vixen-angel]

purposely putting yourself in danger, or being visibly sad so maybe someone might ask if youre doin alright.. but then nobody bats an eye.

[dont-look-me-in-the-eye]

another vent something. having a good time, having a good time [don't stop me by queen begins to play]

[arlene-needs-a-break]

i hate you so fucking much.

[traumadmp19990607]

mentions having ocd

person: omg me too, like I hate when ppl put the volume on an uneven number

me: yeah i think of killing my family, stabbing myself in the neck with kitchen scissor, banging my head against something until it split open, ripping my stomach in half and letting myself bleed out but yeah that too oh and don’t forget if you touch me on one side you gotta do the other c: yk the usual

[entity56]

Idk if I've ranted about this yet but I wanna get it off my chest. TW mentions of homicidal thoughts/slight graphic description (not coming from me), mention of incest/abuse (including sexual)

Back when I was still in contact with my previous FP, I decided I would tell him he was my FP. This was a vulnerable moment for me considering I was extremely afraid I'd be ostracized and rejected for it. So you can imagine how terrible it was when his reaction was NOT to ostracize me, but to tell me he wanted me dead. Yep. He freaked out which caused me to block him. He responded to this by waiting like 10 minutes and then texting my friends to unblock him because he still wanted to be friends and he accused me of 'not understanding him'. I suppose I should grant a bit of context, to be entirely fair to him: He was abused, physically and sexually, by his sister. So when he said I wasn't understanding him, he meant that I shouldn't be upset because His Trauma means he got to threaten to kill me. And it wasn't a one off thing either- he got into detail, saying how he was fantasizing about tearing me apart. He even stated himself that it wasn't intrusive thoughts-- it was a genuine wish to. He never apologized. He felt totally justified. And I felt he was too. Of course, right after that, I completely dogged on myself for reacting that way, and we went back to normal right up until our falling out. (During this he, again, accused me of not understanding him and essentially called me ridiculous.) But I feel like a major part of my dignity was torn away at the fact I was apologizing to the man who couldn't even dare to respect me. I know he had trauma. But that hadn't been the first time he had compared me to his abuser to my face, or completely disregarded how I felt about something. Typing this out now, though, I wonder once again if I truly was in the wrong. Then again, it wasn't like he ever loved me. He even said so himself.

[drifting-bones]

Ahh the things I would love to do to the dirty pieces of shit who treated my system like unstable, monstrous, degenerate animals! I would be lying if I said that many of our other protectors and I haven't considered some rather drastic measures when it comes to the idea of making those two worthless fucking has-beens pay. I just love imagining them getting exactly what they always wanted! A monster who would terrify them to no end. I do hope they enjoy being haunted by the memory of somebody who would have followed them to death and now considers following them home at night to pay a little visit...