#i just finished it and i can’t scream enough how important this book is

[somnambulists-symposium]

hey, this is one of the best and most important books i’ve ever read. it makes a point about being shared, freely, between faggots and their friends so i’ve included a free pdf link^ and i absolutely - hugely - encourage you to read it.

‘Stories told of these times make the faggots and their friends weep. The second revolutions made many of the people less poor and a small group of men without color very rich. With craftiness and wit the faggots and their friends are able to live in this time, some in comfort and some in defiance.’

it was written in the 60s/70s by a member of a queer commune in new york and, i think, is one of the most important pieces of queer literature. it’s semi-autobiographical but centres itself in a fantasy world of faggots and their friends vs The Men. the artwork is absolutely fantastic so please at least read it for that.

the themes of liberation, solidarity, love and sex, anti-racism, feminism and, contextually, the vietnam war are so poignant and beautifully displayed. i did cry a few times.

if anything the names of the characters alone (moonbeam, heavenly blue, loose tomato, lilac, pinetree and hollyhock to name a few) should be enough to convince you.

[screamingatanemptyroom]

Screaming at an Empty Room -

Reintroduction/Update

Hello everyone! Probably too late to do an intro, given that I've been writing on this blog since 2017, but since I've returned after a few years away from writing, I wanted the opportunity to talk about my blog and projects completed and my upcoming plans!

I go by Avaleon everywhere else on the internet, but respond to pretty much anything, including Screaming, hey you, etc! Started this blog in my mid 20s, and aged normally into the early 30s from there. I love writing, have always loved it, but between work and life, it's definitely something that I mostly do late at night and on weekends. I love hearing from people, but I usually answer asks in bunches, and typically right before I post writing. Love hearing about other people's projects as well!

I write short stories, novellas, and occasional full length novels. I am not published, but actively working on self-publishing some of my full length works. Everything I write is posted online, I enjoy sharing my work. The main reason to self publish for me is to have physical copies for myself or anyone who might want one!

My short stories can be found under the #writing tag on my blog. As for the long completed stories, I'll post them below the cut!

Love you Tumblr, happy to be back!

A. Full Length Novels (100,000+ words)

Please Fix the Story!

Description:

I don’t know who I am. I don’t know why I’m trapped in this never ending cycle of rebirth. All I know is that I wake up inside the worlds of unfinished stories, with a mission to accomplish the author’s wishes and stabilize the worlds now headed for destruction. I do my best, hoping, praying that maybe if I complete enough missions, I’ll be able to remember my past and return to my home.

It’s just fixing stories, it should be simple enough.

So can someone explain who this random villain is who keeps following me to each world?

Masterpost linked here

2. I Can’t Eat Love

Description:

Lenora did not have a wonderful life. After her engagement to Prince Ronan is broken, she loses everything… her reputation, her home and her family. Starving on the streets, she dies angry and bitter at how her life unfolded… only to wake up in her old bed, fifteen again, five years before her death. 

Now she must struggle to change her fate, and the fate of the around her. This time she won’t trust in something as flimsy or changeable as love. No, this time she’ll have the power and the money she needs to protect herself. 

Lenora has already lost everything once. She’s not going to lose again. 

No matter the cost. 

Masterpost Linked Here

B. Novellas

I Refuse to be a Named Character

Description:

I woke up inside the world of one of the best selling fantasy book series “Deadly Crown.” Intrigue, handsome heroes, adventure… sounds great, right? Just one problem: all the named characters except the main hero and villain die, are replaced and their replacements die. Being important in this story is a death sentence, so I plan to move to the middle of nowhere, and avoid the plot! 

It should be a fool proof plan, so why do the main characters keep dragging me into the story?

Masterpost Linked Here

2. Living in a Rewrite of my Own Book World

Description:

This is the story about an author who gets hit by a car right before she can finish her bestselling book series. Trapped in the role of a terrible side character antagonist, she must find a way to change the story’s ending. Not just for her own survival, but for the characters that seem just a little too real to be fiction. (30K words)

Masterpost Linked Here

3.Baby’s First Revenge!

Description:

When Charlotte is betrayed and killed by the friend she sacrificed everything for, she thought it was the end. Instead, she found herself reborn as a baby, with her killer still enjoying the fame of stealing her work. Now, she's coming after him, and plans to make him pay... But first, nap time.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7

4. The Supervillain’s Daughter

The story of Erica, a girl who finds out that her brother is the kidnapped child of superheroes, and that her parents are villains. Years later she is the best agent in the Villain Suppression Unit, and hates everything to do with superheroes. So of course she isn’t pleased when she is paired with the strongest man alive, especially because she knows him. But with even darker parts of her past surfacing again, she will have no choice but to join forces and save the world. 

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

Other smaller works and the incomplete ones can be found on this page

Thanks everyone!

[writemekpop]

Blow Me | Nakamoto Yuta

Summary: Ever since you had a baby, sex with Yuta just hasn’t been the same...

Genre: New parents AU, husband!Yuta, angst to smut 

Word Count: 1k

You were sprawled out on the mattress, legs spread wide. Yuta’s face was buried between your thighs.  

You had strands of Yuta’s silky black hair between your fingers, you could feel the warmth of his breath on your core, but all you could focus on was your son Mizu, who was asleep in his cot at the end of the bed.  

Your limbs were stiff. You stared anxiously at the ceiling, seeing nothing. 

“Baby,” Yuta said, grazing your inner thigh with his teeth. “Are you even enjoying this? Do you want me to stop?” 

You tore your eyes from the cot and towards your husband. His mouth was gleaming, and his hair was in disarray all over his face. 

“Do you think he’s watching us? I feel like he’s watching us.” You said, gnawing at your bottom lip.

Yuta sat up on his muscled forearms. “Who, Mizu? Nah, the kid’s fast asleep.”

You sighed. “Maybe he can’t see us… but he can definitely hear us. Yuta, you know how loud you get.”

“If it makes you uncomfortable, we could just bang in the kitchen instead.” Yuta smirked, a sparkle flashing across his dark eyes. “You know, like we used to.”

“I’m sorry, Yuta. I just don’t feel sexy right now.”

You ignored the look of disappointment that flashed across Yuta’s face.  

Yuta’s jaw clenched. “You know, mother and father intimacy is super important for a child’s emotional development.” 

You shook your head, chuckling. “Yuta! You can’t believe everything those parenting books tell you.”

Yuta grinned. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in for a hug. “I’m serious, Y/n. I miss you. We've barely done it since Mizu was born.” 

You huffed and tried to squirm out of his grip, but he wouldn’t let you budge. You said, “Yuta, I’m just not in the mood.” 

“Come on, mommy. Loosen up a little.” Yuta whispered, touching his lips to your neck. “No,” you grumbled, your voice growing louder. 

Your head hurt and your breasts ached from Mizu's half-finished dinner. You saw red. 

You shoved Yuta off you. "I said no!”  

Your voice must have startled the baby, because Mizu sniffed once and then started to wail. 

"Well done," Yuta snapped. "You’ve fucked up his sleep schedule now."

Yuta got off the bed and rushed to the cot. He picked up the baby, who fit snugly in the crook of his muscled arm. 

Yuta rocked the baby, singing a lullaby under his breath. But Mizu wouldn't stop crying. Yuta rocked him harder, dabbed his tears, but the baby still screamed. 

You watched from the bed, unable to find the energy to move. 

Yuta sighed. "I'm gonna go drive him around, he only falls asleep in the car seat anyway."

"W-why don't I take him?" The guilt of waking up your son and disappointing your husband all in one go weighed on your chest. 

Through gritted teeth, Yuta said, "You've done enough." 

You sucked in a breath, tears pricking at your eyes. Yuta was never this cruel. 

Yuta saw your expression. His face softened. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm just tired. I'll take him, you sleep."

---

The next morning, you wandered into the kitchen to find Yuta and Mizu already awake.  

Yuta was munching on cereal, his long floppy hair falling over his eyes. 

He was in a black tank top,  his muscled arms were bare. You eyed the curve of his biceps, the stubble forming on his chin. There were dark bags under his eyes from the baby keeping him up all night, but to you, he looked as sexy as the day you first met him. 

You were leaning against the kitchen counter, watching him. 

You picked up a frosted cupcake that was lying on the counter and twirled your finger in the blue icing. You let out a long sigh. 

Yuta looked up at you. 

"Y/n, what are you doing?" He said, lightly amused. 

"Am I not allowed to stare at my handsome husband?" 

Yuta smirked slightly. He kissed the top of Mizu's head, and then turned the highchair around, so that the baby was facing away.  

Then he got up and walked towards you, eyes darkening. 

He pushed you till your back was pressing against the counter. Then, he gripped your hand. Slowly, he pulled your finger away from the cupcake and up to his lips. 

Yuta put your finger into his mouth, and sucked slowly. His black eyes never left yours. 

Yuta licked the frosting from your finger, moaning in satisfaction. 

Unable to resist any longer, you squeezed your mouth onto his in a passionate kiss.  

Yuta threaded his hands against your hair. His hips pressed against yours, making your back dig into the counter. But you didn't care about that. All you could focus on was Yuta. Insatiable, sexy, rough-around-the-edges Yuta. All yours.  

When you pulled away, you were breathless. 

Yuta leant his forehead against yours and allowed his eyes to fall shut. 

"I'm sorry about last night, Y/n. I shouldn't have pushed you… like that in front of the baby.”

“I’m also sorry.” You whispered. “I’m gonna make more time for us to… connect.”

A naughty grin spread across Yuta’s face. He leant towards your ear, his lips brushing your skin.

“Mizu’s gonna go down for his morning nap soon… could we connect then?”

You smirked. “Baby, you just read my mind.” 

—

MAIN MASTERLIST

Let us know what you thought in the comments or on anon! 💋

[curekibouka-writing]

7-28 voice acting analysis (and some rough translation, and a little bit of 7-29)

**SPOILERS FOR BOOK 7** 

I don’t have enough strength to link a video I just want to scream about Silver crying because I can’t go to sleep without doing it. You guys can listen to it yourself and suffer like I did, and remember to turn on auto for best effect 😇

I’ll start from here when Silver says of course Malleus would be in pain sending Lilia off because he’s spent so much time with Lilia, something his measly 17 years can’t compare to. 

How he put the stress on “measly” (or “only”)? That word? The word that started the whole crying scene because he’s been holding this in trying to convince himself he has no right to lose his composure when Malleus didn’t? 😇

I really like when Malleus asks if Silver is crying he has his usual detached tone but also a caring tone of speaking to a child. I love this he cares about Silver 😭

So after this line Silver says “I am sorry for showing you this unseemly behaviour” and you can hear how his voice cuts off every now and then when he’s trying to finish his sentence. This happens when you’re trying to hold in your cries which makes your breathing somewhat irregular and that’s why he’s cutting off his sentences, he’s trying to not cry. 

Malleus: It’s not unseemly, children are supposed to cry. 

Silver: I am already 17! Next year I will be an adult. 

He exclaimed that line “I am already 17” because it’s important later keep it in mind. 

Silver: Perhaps I still seem like a child to you and father…

Silver: 17 years ago… father found me deep in a forest in Briar Valley when I was still a baby.

You might be able to hear Silver’s pitch drop all of a sudden when saying “17 years ago”. This is because our voices tend to be higher when we cry, so he’s trying to be calmer when he’s explaining things, that’s why the voice actor drops the pitch. 

Silver: Father is a fae, and I’m a human. We are not related by blood, and he had no obligations to raise me. … we had none of that. 

I just love love love how his voice begins to calm down in this line but it still trembles when he says the word “fae”. The identity that his father is a fae matters so much to him because he feel undeserving of the 17 years Lilia gave to raise him to become an adult. And he sounds so sure when he said “we had none of that”, he made it so clear that Lilia had no obligation to raise him.  

Silver: And yet, he raised me as if I was his own child. 

So, when we cry, we tend to get breathy with our voices. And yes, Silver had been breathy in the beginning of the sentence. But then? It’s very clear that he steadied his voice and shouted the words “as if I was his own child” with the strength from his stomach. He returns to breathy the next sentence. 

Silver: He fed me every day, trained me, and when I was sick in bed, he stayed by my side for the whole night. 

THIS! MUST LISTEN TO THIS SENTENCE! I don’t think I need to explain, you can hear how his voice softens to the last part when he said “stayed by my side for the whole night”. He is recalling his good memories of it and his gratitude from it. You can almost picture how happy he was when he was sick in bed and found Lilia by his side waiting for him back when he was a child just through this line. His mouth shape is slightly smiling even though his voice is trembling. (also yes I think this line references back to his first birthday vignette, the one about the incident when he found out his ears and Lilia’s ears are different) 

Silver: Fae and humans are different in fragility and in the speed they grow… We are different in every way.

Silver: There aren’t many who knows how to raise a human child in Briar Valley. And on top of that, father raised me alone. 

Silver: Without anyone to rely on, he fumbled to raise a human baby, and I can only imagine how difficult it must have been… 

I don’t know how to describe this tone when he said “father raised me alone (emphasis on “alone”)”. He softened his voice and it sounds like both respect and sympathy mixed together? Like he admires that Lilia managed to raise him alone but also feel sorry because child-raising isn’t supposed to be a one-man job.

Silver had to breathe in before he said “I can only imagine how difficult…” T^T

Silver: It’s not enough to just thank him. I intended to spend my entire life repaying this debt…!

He put the stress on “intended to” because the next part reveals it doesn’t go as he intended, and it’s the part where his voice really starts cracking.

Silver: And yet… I haven’t… been able to give anything back to him at all!

😭 😭 😭 😭 😭  What can I say? His voice just completely cracks starting from “I haven’t” with the emphasis put on “I” because he’s blaming himself. He’s dissatisfied with himself that he hadn’t been able to do anything for Lilia. 

Silver: He is trying to meet his end, alone, in some far-off country. 

I don��t want to break off this line from the previous because the transition is important. The last line he was blaming himself with his voice coming off harsh and cracking, but when it transitions to this line it slowly boils down to a soft, sad, lonely tone? And this tone starts from the word “alone”, there’s a lot of sadness on the word “alone”. He also stuttered a little bit before saying the word “end” as if it’s hard to say… because it really is hard to say. 

Silver: I… Even if one day father could no longer use magic, and when his body wither away…

Silver: Even if one day he forgets everything, I thought I could always be there to support him…!

Excuse me this line had made me cry as many times as I’ve heard it. At first he went back to his shouting tone, with a lot of determination, and yet it immediately cracks, because it’s so hard for him to speak of the truth that Lilia is losing magic and ageing. And he emphasised the “even if” in the second line a lot. 

Malleus: … Lilia has a good son. 

Silver: I am not a good son at all. I cannot fulfil the one wish my father has.

Silver: I wanted to send him off with a smile just like he wished and yet…

Silver: I… I… 

Aaah I just don’t know what to say? His voice crack so much when he said “just like he wished”. Because he thought this was such a simple thing to ask of him and yet he fails to do? 

And yes the chapter ends with him weeping and my heart shattering. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next is 7-27

Malleus: You say you are someone not related by blood, and some Lilia had no obligations to raise…

Malleus: But I am quite sure Lilia sees it the same way. 

Silver: … eh?

Malleus: The lifespan of humans, compared to long-living faes like us, is unbelievably fleeting and short.

Malleus: To have a human like you waste your time on he who is withering away. He perhaps thought that you have no obligation to do so either.  

Silver: Father… why…? 

Malleus: ……

Malleus: Grandmother always told me,

Malleus: the reason our bloodline, whose ancestors were dragons, are bestowed with especially strong power even among dark faes.

Malleus: She said it is so that we can make sure the smiles of the subjects of Briar Valley will never be clouded. 

Malleus: And yet I cannot erase one sorrow for you and your father. 

Malleus: Even if I have power… I am powerless. 

It’s interesting to me that Malleus has his detached tone of voice throughout this whole part, that one as if he’s deep in sad thoughts? I’m not sure how to interpret it, but I want to believe that he is both thinking about how to comfort Silver while also affected by Silver’s emotional outburst that Lilia is really really going to leave?? 

I also really appreciate Silver’s voice acting two lines later so feel free to listen. The crying scene has ended but his voice actor carries on the crying act because a normal human voice does not recover from crying that quickly cuz my voice sounded like that when I ramble to a friend about all this hkjsdhkjhskjhs. 

Also everything hurts more when we remember that Malleus said Silver is a child who is good at feeling for others. And now Silver stands here crying because he hasn’t repaid lilia mmmmm yes feed me that angst

[tavyliasin]

“Pain doesn’t scare me, Abdirak. It is my constant companion, it seeps into every bone, every muscle, it rears its head and bites at me when I least expect, it twists my nerves to the point I should rightfully scream…but even agony can’t sustain a scream that lasts a lifetime.” You found yourself becoming more poetic, an easy cover for the deep aches that even now threatened to steal your senses. It was easier to rely on a lifetime of masking, turning whatever harmed you into something creative, something beautiful, always a vain attempt to deny the reality around you. “Besides, I can barely walk across the room, let alone think of running.” “Dearest One, I can feel it from here, now. Your eyes speak it clearer than your precious voice…” His eyes did not leave yours, softening with understanding as he read the truth from you like an open book. “Agony is a cloak that you wear, an armour you cannot remove, it is as bound to you as the guilt you feel for its very presence. I envy you…but you did not choose this path. Your guilt does not serve you.” He took the empty glass from your hand, the brief touch of his fingers reminding you of the feelings you had when you first saw him on a screen. He was…warmer than you expected. “You’re welcome to my nerves, I’ve had quite enough for one lifetime.” You smiled, almost falling back on the fake laugh you forced whenever you told someone you felt fine on a day your bones felt like they were trying to tear free from your flesh. The empty glass was now back on the table, and he was in front of you once more. Closer, this time. His hand reached towards you, fingers curling as he stroked your cheek softly with the back of his hand. “You need not of my penance, no, you need a different hand to alleviate the weight in your soul. I can show you what else your body can feel, if that is what you wish.” You stayed silent, he was so close now you could smell the slight scent of coppery blood and hot leather, mixed with a warmer note…a perfume?... Unexpected, but it was something akin to a spiced rum. Rich, heated, and a little dangerous.  “You may consider it a gift, for the generosity of your soul screaming out to the beloved Maiden of Pain, you can sing in a different tune so all the gods may hear it.” His hand caressed the line of your chin, cupping your cheek in his palm. You leaned your face towards the warmth instinctively as he brought his lips to your opposite ear with a low whisper. “Would you like that, Dearest One? To let the heavens and hells echo with the voice I can draw from within you?” The heat rose through you like a furnace, the sound waves ricocheting through your mind and body with the promise in his words. But there was one word more important first. “Reality.” You said as calmly as you could manage, his lips pressing a kiss to the edge of your ear with a surprising softness. “That is my safe word, when I want to return to Reality I will say just that, or I’ll hum this tune.” A simple melody from an old song you loved rumbled through your throat, perhaps a little off key, but the notes and pattern would be instantly distinguished from any passionate noises. “Of course, your word is my command. It shall be as if Loviatar herself whispered it to me. But I need to hear it from you clearly,” he kissed your cheek before guiding you to face his cool grey eyes. “Do you want what I wish to offer you? The love of the Maiden, along with my own?”

A little preview of a side fic I'm writing. I have about 4 WIPs on the go right now but I'm chasing the inspiration where it arises~ This one is Abdirak x Reader, and will be a dedication to all those in the community who live with chronic pain like an unpleasant roommate who refuses to move out. Abdirak understands pain, and carries a softness within him for someone who has such an intimate relationship with agony. So, darlings, how would you answer him? I'm going to finish this one when I wake in a few hours, then go back to writing Abdirak x He Who Was, which is currently over 6,000 words and about halfway done~ See you on the other side, loves, may Loviatar show you mercy.

EDIT - FULL FIC LINK HERE

[lake-archive]

Train Ride To Osaka

AO3 Link - Fling Posse Selfship / Yumeship Masterlist

Fandom: Hypnosis Mic

Characters: Gentaro Yumeno, Dice Arisugawa, Ann Wolff (OC), Ramuda Amemura (mentioned)

Pairing: Diceann (Dice/Ann) (developing), Genann (Gentaro/Ann) (developing), Ramuann (Ramuda/Ann) (implied)

Summary: Based on Rhyme Anima+ (Episode 1) - Ann is at the train station, on their way to Osaka. Right there they bump into Dice and Gentaro. To their surprise the train is fuller than expected for some time which leads to Ann panicking inside a crowd.

Words: 2,645

“That platform… Where is that platform?” They mumbled while walking through the train station as a whole. Usually Ann would avoid trains like the plague and yet someone had to pick up Ole. Apparently he had made some interesting discoveries while in Osaka and wished to share them in person, hence why Ann was supposed to show up. Eli could not do it due to his job. So, much to their dismay, they had to go. Besides, classes were not in session for a while so they had enough free time… Or ‘free time’ rather as they had to balance it out while working on an essay. Oh great, oh joy… Well, nights were still a thing luckily so that had to do.

But that also meant getting up early and travel from the main station in Tokyo, taking the next best train they could catch… This early too so it might be crowded, much to their own dismay… And that thought left a shiver down their spine. They really did not want to think about it, let alone consider it. But it may be a possibility and it made them stop for a moment, sighing. “This trip is going to be a horror…” They thought out loud, mumbling to themself in the end. They’re not going to survive this, are they? Especially the train ride there… “But it can’t be helped… As for the platform, where—”

Yet before they could finish that and take another step one of their feet had been hit by something. Something which may as well have been thrown right at them. Though it wasn’t, given that it had been slithering across the floor for a moment. The sudden footsteps from afar as well as the crowd were mere background noise and Ann had not paid any attention to them, how they screamed and yelled, some even almost fighting over something. Because all they did was look down and pick up what had hit them… 

A book? At first they were confused, thinking it fell out of someone’s bag and thus they had to return it… Whoever that stranger would turn out to be. And yet when taking a closer look at the title as well as seeing that it had been signed, they were quickly able to tell whose it probably was. In fact, the signature had said it all, more than it had to. They knew that handwriting from anywhere. “Yumeno–Sensei? But that novel is brand—” 

Ah right, they remembered. It was about something Ramuda had complained about when they told him that they were going to be out of town for a few days. “Eh!? You too!? No fair! First it’s Gentaro to hand out his signed books, then Dice comes with him and now you go too Ann–Chan!?” He had whined the moment he had heard about that. “Guh… I’m going to be lonely and it’s your fault! So, once you come back, you will pay it all back! No buts!” It was something but they had to accept it. Plus Ramuda would just need a bit to calm down, he probably understood that this was important after they had mentioned that this was under Ole’s request.

So he is here too. Or so they had concluded. Thus they turned around, spotting the… Duo in question? “I do wish that thou wouldn’t let thee curse of poverty rub off on me…” Said one of them with a sigh at the end which only led to the other man trying to justify something.

“Ey, if I didn’t do anythin’, that guy would’ve gotten away robbing a woman!” Was the justification.

“But did thou really have to shove the suitcases?”

“Gotta think fast in those situations!”

“Hah… Thou art making a fair argument… I will have to find a way to sign the same amount of copies as fast as possible once we arrive.”

Yeah, there was no mistaking it when seeing the two from afar – Gentaro and Dice. What a surprise to bump into them. And yet… That meant this signed copy belonged to— May as well return it. Thus they had walked over to the two men as they were having this conversation, then saying when close enough: “Hey there. Is this what you’re looking for?”

Both of them had gone silent soon after, then turned around to come face–to–face with the young person who had been holding out the book. Dice grinned pretty much right away, the incident from a few seconds ago having been gone from his mind or something. “Yo Ann! Fancy seein’ you here!” 

“It is certainly a surprise.” Gentaro agreed yet seemed to not really be surprised, in contrast to his words. That or he was just sounding as calm as ever. “We had not expected thee, Ann–San.”

“Didn’t expect to see you both here either.” They responded. “But before that, you might want this back…” 

“Ah, no. It is alright. Thou can keep it.” 

“Hm? Why? It’s yours, for the—”

“Thanks to a certain someone I have lost all the other copies.” Gentaro first said while glaring a little to the side for a moment, eyeing Dice who was only shrugging at this, seeming to be unbothered at this point. With that Gentaro turned back to Ann shortly after. “So I doubt one less will make a difference. If thou wish, thou can see it as a present for—”

However, that only made them shove the book back into the author’s hands, not taking no for an answer. “Means one less to sign, doesn’t it? Just take it, I got no need for it anyway. I won’t lie, a signed copy from the Yumeno–Sensei lost its kick ever since meeting you.”

He only looked at them in surprise for a moment and yet the answer seemed to have amused him, judging from his light chuckle shortly after Ann’s response. “Very well, if thou art saying so.”

“You two done here?” Dice threw in, seeming to almost get impatient. “We got a train to catch.”

“Ah, right! Same here actually!” They responded, looking around right after the mention of that. “I need to catch a train to get to Osaka somehow… Uh… But where—”

“Osaka?” Both repeated, having them confused for a short moment…

Long story short, it turns out that not just they had been on their way to Osaka but also the duo had been headed there. So they were not alone and the suggestion was made that the three of them would travel there together. Ann accepted quickly because… They had no idea where to go anyway, so they may as well accept the offer. And at first it all seemed fine… Up to the part where the three would enter the train. One look inside and they could already feel how the people were squishing against one another, just to make more space. And worst of all? They were all strangers properly, giving them an even uneasier time to think about. Just being surrounded by strangers was one thing but also so tightly… They didn't want to enter this train! Their legs had gone all wobbly from the thought of sticking in there after all! This was the sole reason they picked an earlier train to university, just to not deal with this crowded mess! But now… It was unavoidable! Unless they wanted to wait for the next train and travel alone… So they had no choice but to come along. Well, not exactly true. The two guys had given them a choice but traveling alone was also a little scary. It was best to have people you know around.

And thus the trio found themself in this overly crowded train shortly after, them standing right in between Gentaro and Dice, luckily. And yet, they were also trying to remain calm, but looking onto the ground did not do them any favors to seem ‘calm’, did it? In fact, they would not have been surprised if both had caught on by then. Though they did not look like it when Ann took a quick glance at each of them.

Dice seemed as chill as always, literally. In fact, he sometimes didn't bother to grab onto something for balance and instead hummed here and there, hands in his pockets. However, on occasions he would grab onto something, just when he was about to fall flat on his face… Or rather when he was about to bump into someone. He managed to save himself at the very last second.

As for Gentaro, he stood there calmly, not moving an inch. He seemed to be too busy observing the crowd, every single individual. At least he kept himself busy or something.

Regardless, both guys were calm about this entire situation, maybe a little too calm for Ann's understanding. And yet they envied both of them all the same, being able to stick in such a train with little to no issues… Oh how they were begging for this to be over soon. But then they remembered that the three had gotten on not too long ago so this train ride would last for longer than they would like it to. So they had to endure this for a good while longer… Being squished like a mere sardine in a small box, with most people being way too close.

The thought of it made them let out light breaths, the trembling becoming something they felt through their entire body. It was unbearable at this point, they just wanted to run out of the wagon, jump out of it. But this was impossible. So they had to keep up with their dizziness all the same. Being squished like this in a crowd full of strangers felt beyond unbearable. They can't take it! They couldn't take it! It was impossible! And yet… Yet… Guh, why did the train have to be so crowded at a time like this!? How does anyone handle crowded spaces anyway!? To hell with those! Why can't they just fall unconscious until this ride is over!? At least then they wouldn't have to think about–

Yet all of their thoughts would be interrupted from one moment to the next when feeling someone bump against them, right from the front. All they could see for a moment was a suit, from the feel of it a guy's chest, slightly taller than them. Their head had bumped right against it and now… They were technically squished against a stranger. A guy they did not know, coming into contact with them… Making this already tight place they were in more… More… A little more…

It was a reflex shortly after, them screaming from one moment to the next before moving their arms to cling onto Dice and Gentaro, pulling them closer without a warning nor their knowledge, as close as possible. They were basically squeezing them now and yet they were not strangers. And didn't mind these two squeezing them in that spot, far from it! It was oddly comforting… And beats being surrounded by strangers by a longshot!

“No! No no no!” It shot out loudly of their own mouth, them being filled with panic. It caused a commotion perhaps. Or not, they hoped not. Actually, they were not paying attention to that, not really at least. And honestly? They didn't even care!

“Ann–San? What has gotten into thee?” They heard Gentaro asking, confused. And he had not been the only one confused.

“Ey, what's up? Did he touch ya somewhere funny!?” It was Dice's first reaction. Shortly after they heard a growl, or so they swore. “Listen up here! Ya touch ‘em somewhere funny and this soon will—”

“I wasn't touching anyone here!” The older man said, defending himself while being audibly a little furious. And rightfully so honestly, because he wasn’t exactly touching Ann anywhere funny. 

“Yeah right! Yer better fess up!”

“Fess up what!? Did you young people forget what ‘respect’ even means!?”

“Respect!? A creep like you shouldn’t—”

“N… No! That’s not… It!” Ann finally interrupted with a stutter, managing to speak up after some time. While they were not completely calm, they had calmed down at least a little bit. Maybe because it was the comfort they had felt, some warmth when being between Dice and Gentaro. It was some weird reassurance even, reminding themself that they were not alone at this moment. These two were here, right with them. And it put them somewhat at ease, only holding onto them tighter and pulling them closer, just to be squished between them. “I… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to scream… Like that.”

“Tch. You better be! I’m now accused of being a pervert because of you!” The old man scoffed, the mood beyond sour.

“S… Sorry…”

They could feel him eye them a little closely, glare ever so sharp. It froze them in place and yet they heard a sigh shortly after. “Just don’t do it again. Besides, I also owe you an apology, don’t I?”

Huh? Their head shot up for a quick moment. “I… it’s fine! I mean it was just an accident and I was the one screaming and caused a misunderstand and—”

“They accept thy apology Sir.” Gentaro quickly interrupted, suddenly shushing Ann from one moment to the next. “We will also make sure that they will not cause another scene. I also want to apologize to thee for my friend. He meant no harm.”

“It can’t be changed now.” The old man sighed. “Just be careful from now on.”

“Haha, of course.”

And shortly after the man had turned around, away from the trio. It left Ann with some relief yet they refused to let go, only clutching onto the both of them. They just couldn’t let go and didn’t care, even if it was something they would look back on embarrassed. It made both of the males’ attention towards them and they could feel their respective gazes right then and there.

“What’s up now? Don’t tell me you’re scared and covered for him?” Dice asked, a bit annoyed yet they shook their head. They weren’t covering for anyone, that man really did nothing wrong. 

“Dice, can’t thou see that they are uncomfortable?” Gentaro threw in, making them embarrassed at that moment. Talk about hitting the nail on the head! “It is the crowd, is it not?”

They had to admit it, thus nodding softly. “Yeah…”

“Eh? For real? That’s it? Yeesh, you could’ve just said so!” Before knowing it Dice had changed his tone, the grin audible. Not to mention that they suddenly felt him even closer, pushing himself against them. “We’ll stay close to ya, right?”

“It seems to be something thou desires.” Gentaro noted, getting a little closer all of a sudden resulting in them being literally squished between the two now. “Although, does thou feel comfortable like this?”

And having both of them so closely made them feel warmer… Literally, their entire body felt a little heated. And yet, it was not something they would complain about. In fact… Maybe… They could get used to this. Yeah, maybe they really could get used to this! It wasn’t so bad. Was it because both of them were so familiar to them? Is that what made them feel comfortable? Or… Is it perhaps… Could it be—

Ah, whatever! It didn’t matter to them! Because in the end they just clutched onto both of them, smiling lightly. They felt at ease and couldn’t help it by then. Just having them close made this moment feel cozier than it first was. If they could have more train rides like this… Maybe these wouldn’t be so bad. 

“Yeah, I am. So… Uhm… Can you two stay that close? Please? For as long as possible maybe?”

[whothefuckgavemeinternet]

... I like hurting myself tho.

Context: The Resistance explained what Christmas is and who Santa is, even how he works, but slightly changed because they can't actually give gifts. Casey Jr. is 12 years old, Donnie just left for a mission he won't come back from, and Leo and Mikey are getting the lair decorated while the children write their letters to Santa.

"Dear Santha - Santa, Robbie is helping me write this. He writes pretty well, so Chelsey and I asked for his help. I wanted Mom or Master Leonardo to help, but they said they're busy keeping the bad monsters away. 

Chelsey said she wanted to ask for a book about horses. She told me that they were huge animals before the war, huge and beautiful that could run faster than Kraangs. She said she wanted one, but Robbie told us that they were on a trip far away from us, so instead she asked for a book. 

I don't really know what to ask for. There's so much stuff I want to see, but Uncle Tello told me that gifts were something important and I had to be wizhe - wise about choosing one. So I want Master Raphael back. Uncle Mikey told us that he was the strongest, that he was bigger than Master Leonardo and he always knew what to do. He protected everyone and everything was easier when he was around. I don't really remember him, but it would make my family happy. So please bring Master Raphael back, Santa.

 With love, Casey Jones."

Robbie finished reading the letters and smiled at the little ones around him, dismissing them to their dorms or to play in another room. He couldn't give that letter to either Leonardo or Mikey, let alone Donnie. They could get affected by it, and everyone around needed them too much. Robbie was only 16, but he knew for sure he wouldn't give Casey's letter to them. So instead, he did what seemed logical and ran to Commander O'Neil.

April felt shocked and out of place. She felt like she was 28 again and Leo was screaming for help through the radio, "Raph is hurt, please hurry! Someone! We need help!" The building had collapsed while they were fighting some infected people. Leo didn't notice, and Raph protected him with his body. They could never get his body out of the debris, and they had to leave him alone in Kraang territory. Donnie dragged a very injured Leo out of the place and back to their base. She still hadn't been able to tell Commander O'Neil. Leo was only 26, and they had just found Casey in a trash can two years ago. Mikey... Oh, God. Mikey was crying so bad he couldn't speak for two months afterward, blaming himself for not being able to move the debris with his ninpo. Donnie trapped himself in his lab and ignored everyone for weeks before Todd and Draxum managed to take him out. They almost lost Leo too. It wasn't just the blood loss; the lack of his arm made Leo give up. He didn't move, he didn't eat, and he didn't even try to sleep. He was just there, lying on the bed waiting for his death.

It took a Kraang attack against the children's dorms for him to move again. Casey was the one who saved him. The little kid didn't separate from Leo from that day, calling him dad and sharing meals. Then Leo recovered just enough to take the leader role and keep his brothers up, and the rest of the resistance.

April felt her cheeks being wet and simply put the letter in her pocket. She would give Casey one of Raph's old plushies and explain that he wouldn't come back with some cute history. It was the best she could do.

[hyunjinspark]

Hello book club anon haha - we had our meeting last night and screamed for legit an hour SO SPOILERS AHEAD BUT

We were both upset that he didn’t tell her he was leaving and that y/n forgave him wayyy to easily. We thought the like awkward goodbye was so realistic and all of her emotions were so real and then the run back was SO BEAUTIFUL IT HAD US SCREECHING I can’t. We also said we thought that this has been our favorite paced chapter yet because SO MUCH happened but you brought so much emotion out of both of us we were both crying multiple times (and I literally never cry so high praise). The build up of their texting felt SO natural too and we both could feel the fall coming in the perfect way like him ghosting was written so naturally it was so beautiful and heartbreaking. We’re both VERY anti Felix (in the book obvi he’s both of our wreckers irl) so we didn’t love the kiss or them making up but we also HATE Hana and love how she just told her later and said goodbye. Also got to tell you the THREE MONTHS LATER MADE MY HEART FUCKING DROP BRO THAT HIT OF EMOTION. We also both have moved a lot and thought her going to the city was so real and accurate and we totally have felt those feelings and thought they were written sooooo well.

Now OBVIOUSLY we had the most thoughts about the end dude I truly cannot praise your writing enough because you built to that perfect. Like we were both saying our excitement was building and we could see it coming that she was going to run into him and we were both kicking our feet and screaming AND THEN HE IGNORED HER. Like dude my heart literally plummeted we were both crushed it was SO GOOD. Like the perfect angst. NOW our current book club theory is that that girl (which btw sneaky sneaky she passed by so quick I almost missed her bc the reader dismissed her so so did I) was a manager so he had to act like didn’t know her BUT HIM LOOKING BACK AS SHE TALKED ABOUT THE ATELIER PLEASE. So we think that’s why he did it. We also have a sub theory that she’s his “gf” and the painter girl who was interested in his stuff but it may b for pr to take the heat off of Jisung again a sub theory we think the first is more plausible. We also think she’s going to run into Jisung/Changbin/Chan and that’s how she’s going to interact with him again.

The most important note is that we seriously love this fic with our whole heart and soul. Neither of us our hyunjin biases but we love Star lost so much and will be truly heartbroken if it ever disappears or you don’t finish it. ALSO PLEASE PUBLISH IT so we can get everyone we know to read it. THANKS FOR WRITING WE LOVE U

hi book club anon !! its so lovely to hear from you again. she did forgive him easily but fighting would only take away the less time they had <\3 the pacing! thank you for pointing that out, i was worried it was all over the place because i dont usually show montages or quick passages of time.

anti slwy! felix😭 i get it, maybe he will grow back on you

oh wow thank you for reading and keeping up with this fic despite not being hyunjin biases! im so glad you like this story youll get all the answers for the ending soon enough ! thank you, i enjoyed reading this🤭

[deyadee]

Rejection

Before I begin, no this is not about the girl from the (I think?) last story. I know damn well she’ll never choose me and we’re back to barely exchanging two words to each other when she’s at the front desk. I don’t have conformation, but she’s definitely straight. I’m a desperate fool that stretched every small thing just to think I had a chance, but I should’ve known I repel people like a fucking bugs to a raid can.

Anyway, I found out (well I guess not really found out, more of realized) that I can’t handle rejection in any form. My mom went to speak to the hotel to book my grandparents a night and my boss pulled her aside to tell her to talk to me. She said that she didn’t want to tell me but I’m fucking useless and can’t do shit right, but they didn’t want to say that to my face because I would cry and then she would cry too.

I only cried once on the job because she was screaming at me over the radio (to the entire staff) telling me to hurry the fuck up even though I was trying to clean the room but I got delayed because there was an entire fucking counter of dishes.

But I understand why she said that. Because I fucking would start crying. I’m a fucking crybaby who can’t do goddamn anything right and I constantly have to cry because I can’t fucking take living anymore. I’m never fucking good enough. I’m not fast enough. I could check and clean the same fucking drawer forty goddamn times and someone else would just walk over, open it, and be like “Hey fuckhead, are you goddamn retarded? There’s fifteen more things you didn’t clean in here. I try being thorough but it’s never enough. I try being fast but it’s not fast enough. I mop and sweep the EXACT FUCKING SAME WAY EVERY OTHER GODDAMN EMPLOYEE DOES IT AND YET I’M THE ONLY FUCKING ONE THAT DID IT WRONG! I do everything how you fucking tell me and it’s never goddamn good enough.

Then they get pissed because I take the same amount of time to do four rooms as seven or more. There’s no fucking incentive to go faster. I get paid more for hours, not rooms. Why would I go faster if all I get after I finish is being told to do more fucking work that’s not my fucking job?

Mop twice {DEYADEE}, sweep twice {DEYADEE}, WHY DOES GODDAMN NO ONE ELSE HAVE TO?! I DO THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING AS EVERYONE ELSE!

I want to have a day where it’s slow so there’s only me doing one and I’ll rip my throat open with my Swiss Army knife. That giant pool of blood on their precious fucking floors that I’m apparently too goddamn retarded to anything right but be a goddamn burden. Mop my blood twice! Scrub it off the goddamn floor fifteen goddamn times so that my memory can always be a reminder! Clean. My. Corpse. Maybe it’ll be more fucking use as a scarecrow than having a normal goddamn job. Fucking useless sack of shit. Fucking worthless. Fucking whore. Fucking scum.

So, as you can tell, I don’t take rejection well.

I guess because I base all of my worth on others. Before you rush to say you shouldn’t do such a thing- we all do. If from the very beginning you were based solely on what you were capable of, wouldn’t that not cause you to think you are only worthy if you did what was wanted or expected. You get good grades? Good! You get bad grades? Failure. You have no ambition? Pathetic. Everyone is taught from the moment they’re born that their value as a person is equal to what they can do for others.

I see my own value as only what I can provide for others, because approval is the greatest high I could ever achieve. I live in a cycle. I see myself as worth less than any other human, so I strive to be as good in every aspect I deem important as possible, so I’m praised. I’m praised so I begin to value myself again. I start to get into a more comfortable idea of my life and therefore do not try as hard to be the best. I am punished or looked down for having a worse performance. I feel I am worthless for not meeting expectations. I beat myself up for being worthless. The cycle repeats.

Will this cycle ever break? No. Because I don’t actively try to break any part of the sequence, mainly the depressive lows of not meeting expectations or not finding value in myself. I feel I won’t work as hard if I were to finally accept myself, or that I’d become too narcissistic and evil by not being constantly weighed down with guilt and anxiety.

I can’t handle rejection because I’m scared of becoming a bad person.

[or-something-better]

Sam and Ruby

June 20, 2022

Ruby

Though still weak from last night’s fight, while the others rested, I felt I had to go through the Men of Letters ART room at this bunker to find something that could be useful for another impossible situation. It was by sheer luck that we managed to get through last night and I can’t rely on myself and my limited abilities to be that lucky again.

I started at the bottom shelf of the first bookcase on the left. Finding stones, optical lenses, tie clasps, fountain pens, pocket knives, and books, I began to get frustrated that there wasn’t something that would stand out and scream ‘end of the world prevention wand’.

Not about to give up, this was too damned important to quit, knowing I wouldn’t be able to handle all of the potential possibilities of what might happen next time. And something told me there WOULD be a next time.

So much for trying to put less magic out there. Sorry, Sammy I tried, but it felt like I was being strangled with the very tightrope I was balancing on.

 Sam

Passing by the ART room door of the new Bunker, movement inside caught my eye and I walked over surprised to find Ruby searching around inside.

“Ruby? What’s going on?”

Ruby

Surprised, I turned quickly, nearly losing my balance on the crate I was standing on.*

“Sam! You scared the shit out of me!” Taking a breath, I told him, “I’m looking for something that will help us the next time. And you know, there will be a next time. We got through last night by the skin of our teeth.”

Sitting down on the crate, looking up at him. “We were so close to losing, Sam. I didn’t think I had enough magic in me to finish it.”

 Sam

“Yeah, okay.” I knew exactly how it felt to feel like the survival of other’s rested solely on your shoulders. “Ruby, you did an amazing job last night. Don’t sell yourself short for a minute.” 

Looking around at the packed storage room, I also wondered how many of the things in this new place could hurt us or help us. “Look, I want to help, let me help.”

 Ruby

“That would be great. I’ve finished those down there and just have the top to finish. You start on the other side, we can work toward each other.”

Standing on top of the crate and continuing where I left off, I reach up for the last box on the top shelf.

 Sam

Grinning at my marching orders, I turned to do exactly what I’d been told and happened to catch sight of Ruby’s side as her shirt pulled up during her reach for the top shelf.

“What the hell?”

Rushing over, I grabbed the end of her shirt and lifted it up. Underneath her entire left torso was one giant yellow-green and purple bruise.

“What’s this? Where did you get this?”

Ruby

Freezing at Sam’s discovery, I left the box on the shelf and turned on the crate, coming nose to nose with him.

“Yeah, that. I wasn’t as careful as I should have been and wasn’t paying enough attention. Had a run in with a demon the night you walked out. Things got a little physical. Nothing I couldn’t handle.”  

 Sam

“And you didn’t tell me about this?!”

 Ruby

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it, but Charlie found the new bunker, and we had to save a town…”

 Sam

“Oh, don’t be cute with me. You know they’re not about to give up trying to find you and it’s just as important as anything we’re doing down here.” 

Since it was over and done with there was nothing I could do about it now, and yelling about it wasn’t going to help anything. I took a deep breath and looked her over a little more critically.

“So you’re okay, right?”

 Ruby

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Getting off the crate, I walk over to a box on the floor. “I was stupid not being more careful. It won’t happen again.” Taking the lid off the box, I start looking through the contents.

 Sam

“Okay, look… I was planning on staying down here in New Orleans for awhile after this case with the Daimon and Appollites is over. I want to get a good close look at everything they have in here. Dean said he might be interested in staying as well. Why don’t you stay too? I could really use your help in here, you know what you’re doing and how to handle all this magical stuff without blowing us up or unleashing demons from the Seventh Circle of Hell.” Chuckles “Plus, you’ll be out of the area where we know they’re looking for you. What do you think?”

 Ruby

Realizing the lifeline he’s just thrown me, I grin. “Yeah, that might work. I can do that, it would be nice to see what we’re dealing with in here.”

[subspencer]

perv spencer (ESPECIALLY s1-s2) would literally spend entire briefings daydreaming about you while staring right at your tits and hotch would be like “reid what are your thoughts. reid. reid?” and gideon would have to put a hand on his shoulder to snap him out of it and he’d go like BEET red after realizing what he’d done. imagine what would happen if you confronted him about it later when y’all were alone ✋🏾✋🏾✋🏾 down bad

-🍭

oof okay. spencer daydreaming about you, then without even thinking drawing you naked (to the best of his imagination) or exactly as he saw you in that meeting. and can you imagine finding his sketches? also i know it’s subby baby spencer but in his dream scenario he gets to be on top <3 he likes to think he’s strong <3

wc: 1.4k

cw: sub!spencer, baby!spencer, glasses!spencer, perv!spencer (aka Criminally Horny spencer), fem!reader, titty sucking <3

Hotch is running on about the details of the new case, and Spencer has no idea what they are. He’s technically aware that this stuff is important, but there are more… pressing things on his mind.

Specifically, the way that your chest stretches your blouse taught over your body, where your chest is just slightly too full for this size of a top. The fabric between two buttons right there gapes apart, just enough that he can see a sliver of your bare skin through it. Bare skin and the dainty lace edges of your bra. 

Since he made that discovery about five or ten minutes ago, his gaze hasn’t moved past that little peek. It’s been etched into his memory already, but what good is a memory when he can look at the real thing right now, be completely entranced by you, right now. 

“Reid…” he hears. He pictures you saying it, whispering it into his ear in the dark. The lights are off but he can still see your face, twisted in pleasure as you lay under him. “Reid!” It’s louder now. You’re screaming it at him as he thrusts his hips into you, faster as he approaches his high. 

“Reid!!” He feels a bump on his shoulder and suddenly that image is gone. He snaps back to the present, completely unaware that he was lost in his own dream world as he looks around at the room full of people. He doesn’t even know when they all got here.

While Gideon starts to lay into Spencer for losing his focus, you feel a heat creep up your neck. You caught him looking; you thought he was just staring into space, spurring theories in his mind, until you saw the way he turned red and stuttered through his words. He was definitely staring at you.

His eyes catch yours as you begin to smile and he shifts in his seat, readjusting to hide the obvious tell in his trousers. 

Hotch can’t dismiss the meeting fast enough; Spencer waits for the room to clear out so no one sees him as he runs off to the bathroom to… handle his situation. 

He returns to his desk still slightly flushed, even after splashing cold water on his face post-release. He’s positive the shame is splattered all over his expression as he slinks back to his seat, ducking his head and burying his nose in case files to avoid looking at you for the rest of the day. 

You want to say something, but you never get the chance. Each time you look over to him and think of approaching, something else requires your immediate attention. Whenever you see him heading in your direction, he immediately turns around and walks the other way once he sees you there. It’s a game of cat and mouse, and you are losing. 

Until the end of the day, that is. You wait him out. Spencer doesn’t want to leave the office because he knows that the second he does, you’re going to head out, too. You’ll ask to join him on the metro for some company, like always, and he’ll be stuck talking to you for forty minutes with the painful knowledge he just got himself off in the office restroom while thinking about you. 

He figures if he waits long enough, you’ll get tired and go home, and he’ll slip out twenty minutes later to make sure he doesn’t see you. Instead, you play his game and wait as long as it takes for him to finally go home. 

It’s now nine p.m. The last remaining agents on this floor left thirty minutes ago, and Spencer is still pretending to be working. You’re well aware he finished his paperwork around six or seven, but he’s scribbling away in some journal to keep busy. 

As quietly as possible, you slip away from your desk and creep up behind him, hoping to corner him like your prey. As you get closer, you see what he’s scribbling on his paper. It’s a drawing. It’s a drawing of you. 

Specifically, it’s a drawing of you from the neck down, in the exact blouse you wore today. The buttons are undone and, to the best of Spencer’s imagination, in addition to the little preview he got earlier, you’re drawn sitting in your lace bra with the sides of the shirt laying open to show it off. His memory served him far too well, he has practically every detail of your body’s shape drawn accurately. And he even knew the exact pattern of the lace. 

“Wow… that’s really good…” you whisper before you’re even aware. 

Spencer jumps in his seat, slamming his sketchbook closed as he drops his pen in shock.

“Was that me?” you blush. 

“N-no. That–that was nothing,” he swallows, shoving the book into his desk drawer. He shuffles around the objects on his desk, scrambling to pack up his bag with whatever he sees so he can make a quick escape. You grab his hand to stop him, taking a seat on the edge of the desk in front of his chair. 

“It looked pretty good.” Spencer looks everywhere but directly at you. He fiddles with his tie, his sweater, anything in his hands as your gaze burns holes into his head. Seeing him squirm like this is entirely adorable, so you tease, “Wanna see how close you got to the real thing?” 

His head snaps up, eyes bulging out. He says nothing, so you start to work the buttons on your blouse, and his eyes follow the movement of your hands. He pushes the bridge of his glasses back up his nose, clearing his throat as your fingers undo your buttons from top to bottom. 

“Your drawing looked pretty accurate to me, Spencer,” you smile, popping open the last button and moving your shirt to your sides. “Did you get the lace right?” 

His Adam’s apple bobs up and down his throat. He’s entirely focused on your chest, filling out your bra, rising and falling as you breathe. 

“I- I think so,” he stutters, shaking his head to remind himself to speak. 

“Why don’t you look closer?” You place a hand behind his head, bringing him a little closer to you. His tongue darts over his lips. Even under the dim overhead lighting, they glisten. His lips part slightly as he gets close, eyes roaming all over your exposed skin. 

“I–I…” Spencer trails. 

“You what, baby?” you giggle quietly, scratching his hair gently. He’s rock hard, clear as day, and his mind is completely blank besides thoughts of you. 

“I want you. So bad,” he whispers, barely audible. 

“I know,” you chuckle, stroking his locks with both hands now, letting your fingernails graze his scalp and send goosebumps all over him. Your thumbs rub his cheekbones, bringing his face to look up at yours. His big, brown puppy eyes are boring into yours, wide and waiting for you to say something. 

You dive down, giving him a quick peck, and he chases your lips with his own, eyes still closed, as you pull away. Your hands leave his face for only a second but still he whimpers at the loss of contact, opening his eyes to see why you’ve left him. He looks at just the right time to watch you reach around to undo the clasp of your bra, shrugging it off along with your blouse, now completely bare to him. 

“You know, your drawing is off to a good start...” you take his cheek in your palm again, guiding him to your chest. He instinctively runs his tongue over his lips to wet them before placing a reserved peck against your sternum, above your breast. Encouraged by your smile, he places another. And another. And several more, running down the valley between your breasts. 

“Maybe you just need to get a little more familiar with the subject,” you sigh as he finally moves to one side, kissing over the swell of your breast before finally attaching his mouth around your nipple, sucking softly. His glasses shift up his nose, at risk of falling off his face as he buries himself into your chest, losing himself in memorizing your skin. He carefully bites down with his teeth and pulls gently, laving over the bud with his tongue at the same time, and another whimper escapes him as you moan. “So next time, just ask me to pose for you.” 

[mysticalrambling]

Ending It All Part 1 (C.E)

Part 2

Chris Evans Fan fiction (Fan fiction Masterlist)

Summary: Chris wants to end your marriage and you decide to go along with it. You have to be civil for the sake of the kids but you are hurt. This process is too much for the both of you and eventually, it all ends.

Warnings: Angst all the way. 

._._._._._.

You had seen it coming from a mile. People say that a woman’s sixth sense is her greatest power. You always took pride in it but in this case, it was a curse. Chris and you have known each other for the past seven years and from those years, you were married for five. He was the love of your life. You thought it was forever but apparently you were wrong. You were wrong about so many things.

From the past six months, Chris has been home for a couple of days at most and then he was traveling. Traveling for work, for friends and whatnot. And for the days that he was here, he didn’t look at you like you were his wife, his soulmate. He looked at you like you were a stranger. Spending time with the kids was all he ever did and then came up with measly explanations to go off to bed early. There was no space left for you in his life. You thought that it was just a rough patch but that was not the case.

“(Y/N), we need to talk.” The determined look in his icy blue eyes said it all.

Taking a deep breath, you shakily replied, “Let me just put the kids to sleep.” Your energetic kids had tired out you for the whole day because you were off from work today. Chris had just come back from shooting and he didn’t give you a kiss like he usually did. In fact, he hadn’t kissed you like he meant it for several years now.

“I will be in the kitchen. You want wine?” He was walking away before you could even reply.

“Yeah, sure.” You mumbled out and you didn’t even know that he listened.

“Mommy, we are going to spend the whole day with you and daddy tomorrow?”  Mia and Jace have started to pick up on the fact that there was something going on between their parents. You wanted to keep all of this away from your four and two year old but it seems that you might have failed. You were failing at a lot of things right now.

“Yes, we will. Now, go to sleep.” It took you about half an hour to be put them to sleep and during that time, you were a wreck. There were a thousand possibilities running through your mind.

Coming back downstairs, Chris handed you the glass of wine, your favorite as always. He knew every little detail about you. “(Y/N), I don’t know how to say this but-”

“Before you finish that sentence, I just need to tell you that I promised the kids a day out tomorrow. Don’t ruin it.”

“I- I can’t say that.” Fiddling with his almost empty glass, he couldn’t bring it in himself to look at you. He was going to ruin this promise as well just like he was going to ruin everything.

“Just, go on.” You refilled the wine glass as you knew you needed the alcoholic haze to get through this conversation.

“I can’t do this anymore. This is just not what I want in my life anymore.” Your breath hitched and your heart broke into tiny little pieces.

Exact words were what you needed to hear right now. No vague statements. “What do you mean? What can’t you do?”

“This. This relationship. I think I am done. I am truly sorry, (Y/N).”

“Is- Is there someone else?” It was as if a ball was lodged in your throat and you couldn’t bring yourself to talk coherently. Fluently.

Chris looked at you, horrified. How could you even say that? He would never in a million years even think about cheating on you. Dignity was an important trait for Chris and if he ever cheated, he wouldn’t be able to look at himself. It hurt him that you would even consider this as a reason but he couldn’t blame you.

“No! This is not the reason. Not at all.” A defensive attitude was immediately taken up by your husband.

“Then is it me? Am I not enough for you?” Hot tears rolled down your cheeks but you didn’t have the energy to wipe them out.

“It is not you, darling. I just don’t think this is what I want with my life anymore. I want to solely focus on my career.”

“You are choosing your career over your family.” As the realization started to hit you, you couldn’t control the anger that took over you. “Over your family, Chris?”

“(Y/N) I am just done. I want an out and can we please try to be civil about this?” He pleaded.

“You want me to be civil about this? Fine.” You took a calming breath and closed your eyes for a second. “Just explain it to me. Maybe we can work something out.”

“I can’t- I don’t know how to explain it. Seven months ago I just woke up and I didn’t want to do this anymore. I want to start over.” A shocking chill passed through your body and you realized that it was hurt. You were betrayed.

“So you don’t want to do anything with me or the kids as well?”

“No. I want to be a part of their lives and-”

You looked him in the eyes and spoke in a broken voice, “It’s just me that you want out of your life.”

“Darling, no-” Chris tried to reach out for your hand but you placed them on your hands. He had lost the right to touch you from the moment he said that he didn’t want you. You were just a problem for him that needed to be solved.

There were years when he needed you every step of the way. Chris met you at a party that Scarlett threw. You were her best friend so you were invited to her New Year’s party. The moment he saw you, he was head over heels. He followed you around for two months to get you to go on a date with him. You used to tease him afterwards that he was a love sick puppy. But he was your love sick puppy.

That was not the case now and you didn’t know what you will do if he wasn’t in your life anymore. Your world revolved around your family but now it was all falling apart. You were falling apart.

“We can file for divorce tomorrow. Do you want to stay here tonight?” Wiping your tears, you got up from the stool and put the glasses in the sink.

“Uhh okay, okay. I can stay with Scott tonight.”

This was not what he expected. He expected you to cry, fight, scream. He thought there would be more discussion on this topic. Seven years were going to waste and you were treating this as a simple business transaction. Truth be told, you didn’t want him to see you fall apart. Chris had lost that right. If he didn’t want a life with you, then you were not going to beg him to stay. You were going to fulfill his wish and set him free.

“We have to take the kids out tomorrow. I was thinking the park.”

“What?” He was too distracted by everything to even realize what you were talking about.

“We will talk to them about the divorce tomorrow.”

“Isn’t this going a little too fast?”

“We should get this all over with as soon as possible. Goodbye, Chris.” Silently pecking him on his cheek, you went to your shared bedroom.

The moment your head touched the pillow, you were surrounded by his scent. The dam burst and you couldn’t stop the tears from running down your face and getting soaked up by the cushions. What were you going to do with your life now? You had to come up with a plan to manage the kids together with Chris. You had to think about getting a job that would accommodate your kids in to it now that you were going to be a single parent. You didn’t get a wink of sleep last night and you cried a lot.

On the other hand, Chris was not doing any better. Scott gave him the spare guest room to sleep in. He didn’t know what was going on between his brother and you but he knew it was serious. Chris couldn’t sleep last night either because he was not used to. This was the first time in seven years that you both were in the same city and you were not sleeping together. You wouldn’t be sleeping with him from now on. He has to get used to that idea. The idea of you not being there every step of the way because this was his own doing. He was dreading tomorrow as he was the one who was destroying his family.

“Hi. I was just here to pick you all up.” Guilt washed over him when he noticed your red puffy eyes and eye bags.

“You didn’t have to. We could have come there by ourselves.”

“We always go to the park together. It is our thing.”

“We can’t do all of these things now. Everything is going to change.”

“Right.” You moved towards the kitchen and he followed you like a lost puppy.

“Daddy!” Both kids ran up to him and clinged to his legs like two little monkeys.

“Hey babies.” He held on to them a little bit longer because he knew he was the one who was ruining their little lives.

“Where were you? Missed your pancakes. Mama doesn’t make good.” Mia hadn’t learned to make full sentences yet but Chris understood her perfectly.

“I was busy, baby. I- I-”

“Go get your shoes on. We are going to be late.” You saved him from the conversation because he looked like a deer caught in headlight. Chris couldn’t answer his daughter as this was how it was going to be. He wouldn’t be there for all of this. The important phases. Jace’s first soccer win, his first award, or Mia’s first school day, her first break up, her prom. He was going to miss most of them because you would be there with them while he will get them for weekends mostly.

“Let’s go.” Buckling his kids in, he sat in the driver’s seat. When he pulled out of the garage, his hand instinctively went for yours. It was out of pure instinct. You retracted your hand immediately and Chris just drew in a shaky breath, He was not allowed to touch you now.

“I am taking them to the swings. Do you want to come with?”

“No, I am just going to my usual spot to read my book.” There was a maple tree that had been your spot for the past five years. It was where you rested and caught up with your reading.

“Okay.”

The next hour was spent with Chris going on to every swing with his kids. He didn’t want to miss anything. Plus, he didn’t know how he could sit with you under the tree that held so many memories. You told him that you will marry him under this tree and that you were pregnant with Jace. It was all too much. You couldn’t focus on your reading when this might be the last time you get to see him with your kids. The last time you were together as husband and wife. This might be the last time because Chris wanted you out of his life.

“Hey, kids. We have to talk to you.” You finally gathered up some courage when they all came to sit beside you. Chris couldn’t bring himself to start up this conversation so he was glad that you did.

“Yeah, Mommy?”

“So you know how your friend Oliver’s parents don’t live together but they still love him very much.”

“Yeah.” Jace’s whole concentration was on his ice cream but he still nodded his head to indicate that he was listening. Mia was too young to comprehend it all so you mainly focused on your son.

“Well, Daddy and I are going to be doing the same thing. We love you both very much and we will always there be with you.”

“But Ollie’s daddy doesn’t live with him.” His blue eyes focused on the two of you when he made the statement.

“Yeah, buddy. I will be staying at an apartment really near by. You both can come whenever you want to.”

“You won’t be there to read us night stories or make our favorite brekky?” His question threw Chris off guard and he froze in his place.

“He will be there to do everything for you guys. Mia and you can go to daddy’s place and he can do all this.” You jumped in when you noticed that Chris didn’t know how to respond to all this. “Right, Chris?”

“Yes, that’s right. Nothing is going to change, buddy.” Wiping away his tears, your husband placed him on his lap with Mia.

“Promise?” Mia spoke up this time because she understood that her daddy wouldn’t live with her like he always did.

“Promise. Let’s go back to the house. You both look tired.”

You placed Mia on her bed while Chris did the same for Jace. They both were out the moment they were buckled in their car seats. Coming downstairs, you prepared coffee for Chris and yourself. He always liked his coffee black so that’s what you made for him. The cup was placed in front of him and he sighed because no one made coffee like you.

“Our lawyer said that he will have the papers delivered to us by tomorrow.”

“Okay, I saw this new apartment building when I was coming here this morning. I might rent it out. The penthouse has three rooms. One for the kids and one is the guest bedroom. You can stay there when you bring the kids over.” He looked at you with a defensive position.

“I won’t be staying at your apartment so please don’t take me into consideration.” You didn’t understand why he thought you would ever stay over at his place. You would never subject yourself to that kind of pain.

“But there can be special circumstances and my home will always be open for you, (Y/N). We can still be friends.” He was hoping against all hope that you would agree. He still wanted you in his life.

“I don’t think I can do that. Be friends. There is too much history. Let’s just keep it to the kids right now.” You picked on your nails because you didn’t want to cry like a little girl in front of him. “And I am going to change houses as well so do you want to sell this one?”

“Why do you have to move?” Chris was shocked to hear those words come out of your mouth.

“I can’t live in a house that was meant to be our family house. I just can’t.”

He understood where you were coming from but this house held too many memories. He couldn’t think of another family living here. Some couple living in your master bedroom, some kids running around in your children’s playground, some other family’s picture instead of yours. It was just too much to think about.

“Let’s just keep the house. When the kids grow up, they can have it.”

“Okay. I am tired right now so I am going to bed. I will sign the papers tomorrow and send them over to Scott’s.” You placed the empty mug on the counter and stood in a straight posture. “You want the kids this weekend?”

“Yes, I would like that. Do you want to maybe come with us?” He didn’t know why he was not ready to let you go yet. This was all his doing but he just couldn’t accept it right now.

“Umm no. I think we should settle the kids into this new routine.”

“I guess you are right.”

“Goodbye, Chris. I love you and I will always love you.” You regretted the words that came out of your mouth the instant you said them. You were so stupid but you just couldn’t help yourself. This was probably the last time you ever got to say it.

“I- I love you too, (Y/N). I will always be there for you. Goodbye, darling.” The lump in his throat seemed to grow bigger by the second but he had to say this. Lightly pecking you on the lips, he knew this was the last time he ever got to do this. He left afterwards and you couldn’t help but tear up. The same thing happened with Chris. This was it. Your marriage was over but your love would always be there.

Hope you guys liked it!!

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A/N: I literally cried while writing this fan fiction. This one is particularly close to my heart so please let me know what you think about it. If you want to be added to my tag list, message me. I am also open to requests for this series; requests, blurbs, anything.

P.S: There is a part 2 as well.

Tag list: @kalopsia-flaneur, @justile, @iguessweallcrazyithinktho, @jessyballet , @luckyladycreator2

Like, comment and reblog.

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[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction || Not Giving You Attention [Request]

CHAN:

You understood how busy Chan got whenever he was in the zone working on a new album or just some songs he and the boys were having fun but it didn't mean you liked it. Whenever he got too into something it was as if the rest of the world no longer existed to him, you knew it wasn't personal since his music meant everything to him but it had been over a week of no attention from him and you were starting to get moody about it. If Chan was always at work you didn't have someone to cuddle up to apart from Felix so that was what you did, you began cuddling up to Felix on a night since you both needed to hold something to fall asleep. 

"Lix?" Chan's voice rang out as he walked into the dorms at 3 am one morning to find you curled up in front of Felix, his arm draped along your stomach to make sure you didn't fall off in your sleep.

"What are you guys doing?" Chan chuckled weakly as he caught the sight of you both laying together the way you were, he knew there was no reason for him to feel jealous but he couldn't help it. 

"He's cuddling me because someone has been too busy to," You grumbled too tired to say anything, you simply rolled over and snuggled your head into Felix as he continued to try and go back to sleep. 

"Oh, so you went to the next Australian?" Chan chuckled as he watched you, reaching out his hand to stroke your cheek softly, he'd missed you incredibly all week and he didn't blame you for going to someone else for cuddles. 

"Well I went to Hyunjin but he was busy too," You joked, whining as Chan lifted you up from the sofa and began carrying you in the direction of his bedroom but you pouted at him, 

"Are you going to pout all night?" You nodded in answer to his question and he chuckled, laying down on the bed. 

"Even if I said I'm done with working for now?" That was all it took for you to wrap your arms around his body and hold him as tightly as you possibly could, not daring to let go even for a second. 

MINHO:

"You've been like this all week! What's the problem?!" Minho snapped as he tried getting you to speak to him but you just looked at him with a blank stare. All week he'd been ignoring you, not giving you enough attention and the petty side of you decided to do the same thing to him ignoring him and giving him the silent treatment to see how long it would take him to crack. The answer was about three days before he finally noticed you weren't asking him for cuddles all of the time or begging for his attention.

"You're ignoring me? How mature of you?" He quipped sarcastically as he sat down on the sofa next to you but you scoffed in his direction, 

"You're the one who didn't give me any attention this week! It's taken you three days to notice I'm ignoring you," You whined out, folding your arms across your chest kind of like a child whenever they didn't get something that they wanted. 

"So you ignored me to get attention?" He chuckled watching you as you continued to pout, turning away from him but all he did was wrap his arms around you and drag you into his embrace. 

"I didn't mean to, you know how things have been lately," He whispered in your ear, leaving small and soft kisses up and down your skin that made your whole body tingle. 

"I guess this makes up for it," You laughed as he continued to kiss you, not letting you go for even a second.

CHANGBIN:

Instead of begging and fighting for Changbin's attention, you decided to give him a taste of his own medicine, whatever he was working on was clearly important to him so you began to spend time by yourself. Getting into reading until you found a book you couldn't put down but then, of course, Chanbin was done with his projects and wanted to give you all his time and attention but your head was so into the book you barely even noticed that he was there. Ignoring him as you flipped through the pages of a book, lost so deeply that you could imagine the world around you, all of it playing in your head like a small movie.

"Y/n?" You looked up to see Changbin holding up your favourite fast food with a cheesy grin on his face as you finally looked at him. 

"Now you're paying attention to me?" He asked sarcastically as you put the book down onto the table in front of you, 

"I think you'll find it was the other way around," You mumbled to him, taking the bag from his hands and heading over into the kitchen as he followed behind you. 

"I give you all my attention-"

"You've barely spoken to me all week," You didn't mean to sound as pissed off as you did but it hurt that your boyfriend had been ignoring you for so long and was now pissed at you for doing the exact same thing. 

"I was giving you a taste of your own medicine," You quipped, throwing a chip at him for him to catch in his mouth, he chuckled wrapping his arms around you from behind. 

"Then from here by out, I promise to give you all of my attention and if I can't you have permission to sit on my lap until I do," As he finished his sentence he fed you a chip and you smiled at him, kissing his lips softly. 

"Deal."

HYUNJIN:

Hyunjin was almost always busy with something so not getting attention from him was kind of hard sometimes, he would be busy with dance practise and other things he was doing but somehow he would make time for you. It was only occasionally he would get so busy he barely knew what time of day it was and you would have to force him into staying with you, holding you, giving you the attention you craved but it wasn't for selfish reasons you had to make sure he was taking care of himself.

"I bought lunch, sit," You ordered as you walked into the dance studio to find Hyunjin panting and sweating heavily from his routines he was doing, he looked at you before going back to dancing to the music. 

"Hyunjin." You warned him, placing the food down onto the computer desk where you could easily turn off the music and force him into interacting with you but he groaned, looking over at you. 

"I have to practice-"

"No, you have to eat. Chan said you skipped breakfast," You turned off the dance track and walked over to him, waving the bag under his nose as you told him what you'd made for lunch for the pair of you, forcing him to sit down and give you attention while also making sure he was taking care and looking after himself.

“Fine but only because it’s my favorite,” He lied as he sat down on the floor he knew it was only because you’d brought him the food. If anyone else had turned off the music mid-session there would have been harsh words exchanged but he couldn’t be harsh to you when he knew you were only looking out for him. He smiled as you fed him, dragging you close to him as you both cuddled together and ate lunch.

JISUNG:

All of Jisung's attention had been on a new video game that he seemed to be obsessed with as of late, spending hours and hours playing it and if he wasn't playing the game he was working or sleeping you barely got to see him. 

"Jisung?" You asked as you walked into the bedroom to find him with his head in the console once again, you held onto the towel that was around your body debating whether or not to drop it in front of him or not. It was something you'd been seeing all over the internet, people who couldn't get their partners to notice them would shower and drop the towel in front of them.

"Sungie," You cooed at him slowly taking off the towel and dropping it by his feet but he didn't even look up, his eyes were glued to the screen so you rolled your eyes, picking up the towel you turned to leave when the door opened, 

"Jisung it's my turn-AH!" Jeongin let out a loud scream as he covered his eyes, Jisung stood up in a rush and covered you with his body to stop the Maknae from seeing what he wasn't supposed to. 

"What are you doing walking around Naked?! Why did you walk in without knocking?!" He yelled out at the both of you while a bright red Jeongin backed out of the room not wanting to respond to anything, 

"You weren't giving me attention, I dropped the towel to get it." You whined as you finally admitted how needy you had been feeling for him to even look at you lately, as soon as he heard what was wrong he sighed and brought you into a hug. 

"I'm sorry babe...I guess I have been a little preoccupied-"

"A little?" You questioned sassily, raising your eyebrow as he blushed and looked down at the floor. 

"Maybe a lot." He chuckled, kissing your forehead as he promised to give you more attention than he had been.

FELIX:

Felix knew whenever he wasn't giving you enough attention because you would cuddle up to him more and more, not letting him go for a second as you were desperate for him to hold you. It wasn't often that he would be so busy he couldn't even talk to you but when it happened he felt bad about it, he tried to do what he could but he couldn't always be there for you.

"Did you miss me? I can't tell," He joked sarcastically as you cuddled up beside him, holding onto his arm tightly as he attempted to leave you alone but you weren't going to let him, you continued to hold him. He'd just come home from a busy day and wanted to sleep beside you but the boys were calling him for dinner,

"You're not allowed to leave unless I'm coming with," You joked, kissing his cheek as he held onto you tightly telling you he would be right back and he would have food when he came back, supplies for your endless night of cuddles.

“But you’re leaving,” You whined jokingly as he continued to get out of your grasp, laughing as you tried to stop him from leaving the dorm room despite that he would be coming back within seconds.

SEUNGMIN:

More often than not you knew Seungmin would sometimes pretend to pay attention to you when he was really ignoring you and had no idea what you were talking about. It had gotten worse lately when he would zone out in your conversations when you were trying to tell him about your day or asking him about his day. 

"Yeah and then-" You stopped speaking once you saw that he was nodding along while staring at his phone so you decided to put it to the test, 

"Then the chicken jumped up onto my work desk and started dancing and singing to Miroh," He didn't even flinch so you stared at him as you kept making things up to see if he would notice, 

"It could rap Jisung's lines really well, I think it said it was going to audition to be a part of 3Racha so they could become 4Racha," Jisung looked up from his phone as he heard this and wondered what you were doing until he saw Seungmin's head in his phone. 

"I made out with Jisung," You lied as you stared directly at him, again there was no reaction so Jisung decided to join in, 

"Y/n and I had sex in your bed." Nothing. You huffed, folding your arms over your chest and pouting as you gave up on the silly idea that you could get your boyfriend to give you attention. 

"You didn't really make out with him...Right?" Seungmin whispered a little while later when Jisung had left the room, you turned to look at him and he was blushing.

"I heard everything, I was just too tired to respond...I'm sorry." He whined as you snuggled into his arms, kissing his chest softly.

JEONGIN:

When Jeongin got stressed he seemed to push everything away from him, he wanted to make sure what he was working on had his 140% in it, wanting whatever it was to be perfect for the fans and the boys and you knew that which was why you'd given him some space but as time passed it was beginning to worry you. There were no texts, calls or even a signal that he was doing okay, if it wasn't for the boys you wouldn't have known what he was doing. 

"When did you get here?" Jeongin asked as he panted heavily, you looked up from the book you were reading and smiled at him, it was nice to see he was finally back in the room. 

"About three hours, you hadn't noticed because you were practising so hard," You bookmarked the page you were on and got up to go over and hug him, not caring that he was covered in sweat you were just glad he finally acknowledged that someone else was in the room with him again. 

"You need to shower, I'm cooking at the dorms with Seungmin later," You tapped his chest, leaning up to give him a kiss on the lips as you smiled at him, not even upset that he had been too busy to call or text, you knew he was doing what he loved and that was all that mattered to you.

Tagline: @taestannie​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @sw33tnight​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​ @minholuvs​

[justaself-shipper]

Yandere!Golden Guard x Reader x Yandere! Edric Blight- Golden Psychopathic Lovers

Request by @fLoweRcaSe00 on Wattpad It was a new year at Hexside. Another year of school for Y/N. Clutching her books tightly, her nervous mind fluttered to all the terrible things that could happen on her first day back. She jumped as she felt a hand tap her shoulder. “Hey kitten. Been a while, hasn’t it?” A smooth voice whispered into her ear. Turning around, Y/N lets out a sigh of relief when she realised who it was. “Oh, hi Edric! Has been a while, hasn’t it? About two weeks?” Edric smiled at the H/C girl in front of him, humming in response. As the two chatted, a certain human walked up behind Y/N, covering her eyes. “Guess who?” She giggled. Y/N gasped. “The Grim Reaper! You’ve finally come for me!” The two girls giggled, as Luz removed her hands from her eyes. “Close!” While they interacted, Luz glanced over her shoulder to see Edric glaring darkly at her. A little unnerved, she waves as she gave an awkward smile. “Hey Edric! How’ve you been? C’mon, give me a high-five!” Holding up her hand, she chuckled nervously when Edric refused, simply staring at her with an evil glare. “Don’t leave me hanging??” Y/N took it upon herself to high-five the human. “Ok! Luz and I gotta be getting to class Edric. See you after school?” The green-haired witch finally smiled, his dark attitude disappearing for a moment as he talked to Y/N. “Of course kitten! See you then!” Y/N waved goodbye, grabbing Luz’s hand as they headed to class. Luz felt her face heat up when her witch crush did so. Yes, Y/N was Luz’s crush. She tried covering her face as they walked. This didn’t go unnoticed by the Blight twin, though. Watching them go, he growled to himself. “You won’t get a chance to be with Y/N, Luz. I’ll make sure of that.” Luz and Y/N had just finished their first two classes, and were making their way to the cafeteria. Edric watched them enter, observing how Luz blushed whenever Y/N smiled, or laughed aloud. Eyes narrowing, he felt his sister place a hand on his shoulder. “Hey Ed, you ok? You’re spacing out again.” Smiling at his sister, he replied that he was fine, probably just sick. Emira didn’t really believe him, but let him be. Back with Luz and Y/N, they had sat down with Willow, Gus and Amity. As the gang laughed and chatted, Y/N felt something land in her hair. Another table erupted into laughter as Boscha threw more of her lunch, this time hitting Willow. “Oops, sorry weirdos! Just practising for Grudgby! And you happen to be my target!” Throwing another part of her lunch, Luz huffed angrily. “Didn’t she learn her lesson last time?!” The bell went off, signifying the end of lunch. Sighing, Y/N got up. “I’m just gonna go clean myself up. You guys can just go ahead to class. Willow, do you wanna come with?” Willow nodded shyly, still glancing over to the pink-haired demon witchling. Boscha glared back at her, smirking. Luz stood up as well. “I’ll come too! I can help!” She yelled eagerly. Laughing, Y/N and Willow let her come. After leaving the bathroom, Y/N let Luz and Willow head back to class while she went for her lockers. Upon arriving, Boscha was leaning against it, throwing a rock up and down in one hand. “Heya nerd, thought you needed some company.” She smirked, throwing the rock at the H/C-coloured witch. Y/N lifted her arms for protection, dropping her belongings. Boscha let out a laugh. “Here, let me help you with that-“ “Boscha, Principal Bump wants to talk to you immediately.” The two female witched looked up to see Edric. Y/N was relieved. Boscha scoffed. “What does he want me for? What did I do?” Edric only smiled. “He says it’s important. Now, would you please follow me?” He says kindly, walking away. Boscha shrugs, following the Blight. Y/N picked up the rest of her books, rushing away to her class. “So, what does Bump want me for? And where are we going?” Boscha says. Edric smirked. All was going according to plan. “Just in this room right here.” He says, stopping as he held open a door. Boscha looked inside, scrunching her nose at the smell. “Why this room? And where’s-“ She was cut off as Edric pushed her in. She let out a yelp as she stumbled, catching herself in time as she turned angrily towards the Blight twin. “What the hell?! Who do you thi-“ “Just someone who’s gonna make you pay for hurting my kitten.” Edric smirked darkly, producing a flame in one hand. Boscha gasped, backing up. “Th-that’s not real! You’re an illusionist! It can’t hurt me!” She shrieked. Edric’s smirk didn’t falter, advancing on the witchling he brought it closer to her face. Boscha’s face paled as she felt the heat come closer and closer. “Does it feel like an illusion to you?~” After school was finished, Y/N was on her way back home. She glanced around nervously. Boscha was no where to be seen, but seeing as she’d pretty much harassed her a few hours before…it kinda put her on edge. Watching all the students walk by, she waited patiently for Edric. After seeing he wasn’t coming, she let out a sigh. Maybe he was busy? It didn’t matter. I’ll just head home by myself. Walking along the streets of Bones Marrow, she glanced around at the residents. Busy marketers yelled out their products to passerby’s, while demon and bounty hunters wondered the streets, glaring at anyone stupid enough to get in their way. As she walked by a dark alley way, Y/N felt someone grab her arm roughly, pulling her into the darkness. She tried to scream, but a hand covering her mouth prevented her from doing that. Kicking and screaming into the hand, the monster hauled her away to an unknown location. She tried making a circle in the dirt underneath her, but failed miserably. “Hey!” Someone shouted off to the side, and Y/N only saw a golden mask before the monster holding her let out a grunt of pain, dropping her. Falling on her knees, Y/N scrambled to her feet, facing the monster and her saviour. The monster was lying on the ground, and her saviour was walking over to her. “Are you ok ma’am?” He asked kindly. Y/N immediately knew who he was, bowing down on one knee. “Th-thank you, Golden guard! How can I repay you?” She stuttered. The Golden guard was silent for a while, looking down curiously at the witchling at his feet. Smirking under his mask, he held out his hand. “Well, you can start by calling me Hunter Darl.” He said. Y/N took his hand shakily, blushing a bit at the nickname. “And may I know your name, m’lady?” “I-i’m Y/N. Y/N L/N.” She replied back, feeling a little more comfortable in the mans presence. Hunter looked around for a bit. “You on your way back home? Maybe I could assist you? Make sure you get back safe and sound.” He offered. Y/N nodded her head eagerly, not wanting to be left alone again. The two headed off, leaving the dead body behind them. “Thank you for walking back, Hunter.” Y/N said shyly. The two had just arrived back at the L/N manor, and were about to part ways. Hunter waved his hand about. “No problem. Anything for a cutie like you.” Y/N felt a flush on her cheeks, and she smiled. Leaning forward, she placed a hand on Hunter’s mask. “May I?” After a moment of hesitation, he nodded. Taking off the mask, Y/N gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Nice to finally see my saviour’s face.” She giggled, running off up the steps and inside the house. Hunter felt his heart flutter, his eyes widening in adoration as he watched the female witchling run up the steps and out of view. “So, you helped my kitten get home safely. Well done. You can go now.” Hunter turned to see a green-haired male witch walk out of the shadows, glaring daggers into him. A little taken aback, Hunter smirked at the newcomer. “And you’d be?” “Edric Blight. Now run along Golden guard. You wouldn’t want to become a part of my list.” He smiled maliciously. Hunter wasn’t scared so easily. Walking away, he smirked at the Blight. “See you tomorrow Blight.” Watching the guard go, Edric scowled. Guess there’ll be another body to bury later. The next morning… Y/N walked out of the her home, smiling widely at the boy waiting out front for her. “Edric! I’m so glad you’re here! Where were you last night? I waited outside Hexside for you, but you didn’t show!” Edric placed an arm around the female witchling’s waist. “Sorry kitten, I was…busy.” He said. Y/N blushed a little at the nickname, but kept her composure. “Oh, it’s fine! Just tell me next time, please?” Edric smiled. “Alright kitten." They finally reached school, and Y/N noticed a familiar blonde-haired witchling walking around Hexside, wearing a yellow uniform. He seemed to be glancing around for someone. She started frantically waving her arms, causing Edric to glance at her in concern. “HUNTER! HI!” The blonde witchling looked up, his face brightening as he spotted Y/N. Jogging over, he almost tripped as Y/N hugged him. “I can’t believe you’re here! I didn’t know you went to Hexside!” She exclaimed excitedly. Hunter blushed, scratching his neck for a minute. “Yeah uh, I just transferred from Glandus. So how are you this fine day, m’lady?” He questioned, as the H/C pulled away. Hunter glanced up to see Edric glaring at him. Edric leaned forward. “Well, sorry to interrupt kitten, but we gotta head to class-“ he said in the most innocent voice he could muster. Y/N shrugged, looking at the clock in front of the school. “Well, we still have 10 minutes. There’s no need to rush Edric! We have plenty of time!” She said. Before Edric could say anything else, Luz came up to the group. “Hey guys! Y/N! You’ll never guess what I found on my way to school!” She shrieked, jumping up and down in excitement. Y/N tilted her head curiously, walking over to the human. “What is it? A new demon? Ooh! Another hide-out?!” Luz blushed, grinning widely. “It’s a surprise! I’ll show you tonight after school! Meet me here after last period?” She asked. Y/N nodded her head excitedly. “Of course!” The bell went off, and Y/N gasped. “Oh shoot! We gotta go! See you after school Edric! See ya Hunter!” Y/N rushed, grabbing onto Luz’s hand as they ran off to class together. The two boys watched them go, filled with jealousy and hatred. “I see that there’s another rival.” Hunter muttered, and Edric hummed in agreement. Turning to the guard, he eyed him down. “Well, I guess I won’t be able to get rid of you. But maybe together, we can get rid of the human. That way, she won’t get in between us.” Hunter smirked. “Are you proposing we work together to win Y/N’s affection? Instead of against each other?” “Exactly. So?” “You’ve got yourself a deal, friend.” At lunch, Y/N, Luz, Gus, Willow and Amity were sitting together. Hunter came up to their table, glancing around nervously as he carried a notepad and pen. Reaching the table, he tapped Luz on the shoulder. “E-excuse me.” The human turned to him, smiling brightly. “Oh, hi! What can I do for you?” She asked. Hunter almost smiled at her innocent aura, but kept himself under control. “I-uh, I’m doing an assignment on heroic figures, and since you’re the one who saved Eda the Owl lady at the petrification ceremony, i wanted to ask if I could interview you?” He asked nervously, giving a small, hopeful smile to Luz. Luz was thrilled with the idea. “Of course! When would you like to do it!” “W-would right now be too much?” “Of course not!” Standing up, Luz announced that she’d be back soon. Walking out of the cafeteria with Hunter, Edric followed a few minutes later, making sure no one saw as he left.

Y/N was waiting outside of Hexside once again. She sighed, watching all the students once again walk by. Yet, there was no human amongst them. Where was Luz? She said she’d be here! Two pairs of hands landed on Y/N’s shoulders. “What’s wrong kitten?” “You look upset Darl.” Y/N turned to the male witches. “Luz said she was going to show me something, but I guess she forgot all about me.” She said, hurt filling her voice. Edric wrapped a comforting arm around her. “Hey, it’s ok Kitten. If you want, we can show you our special place!” He said. Hunter looped his arm through hers. “Yeah! We found it together! How does that sound?” Y/N smiled gratefully at the two male witches. “Thank you Hunter. Thank you Edric. I would love to see it.” Walking along a forest path, Hunter and Edric kept the directions in mind as they made their way to “their” secret place. “Not far to go kitten.” Edric said. Entering a clearing, Y/N gasped at the sight of a small creek running through a cove. “It’s beautiful! Thank you guys!” She exclaimed, giving both boys a kiss on the cheek. Sitting by the creek, they peered up at the night sky. Edric and Hunter smirked to each other. Luz the human was very helpful. Getting the information out of the human was easy. Disposing of the body was the hard part.

A/N: OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO FREAKING CHEESY AND BAD AT THE SAME TIME I’M SORRY-

[thefanficmonster]

Love For The Faceless

Corpse Husband x Youtuber!Reader(Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Fluff 

Summary: Y/N is a YouTube gamer who has recently gained a much larger following thanks to the streams she does with her friends. Naturally, considering her faceless and bodiless nature, people are starting to get curious about her. When she finally follows her friend Corpse’s example, a lot more than her hands is revealed.

Requested by anon, you know who you are 😉 Thank you so much for placing a request and hope this fic fulfills the expectations you have for it.

“Hey!“ I greet the lobby as I finally hop into the Discord call after quickly saying ‘hi‘ to my audience.

I’ve been a YouTuber for four years now and I’ve only recently started streaming, encouraged to do so by my best friend Rae. She’s the one who got me in multiplayer games such as Among Us and Phasmophobia which led me to meet her amazing gaming squad that consists of some of the most famous names on the platform. They are all wonderful people and I will forever be in Rae’s debt for introducing me to them. However, becoming friends with Felix, Sean and the rest of the team brought not only a more fulfilled life, but also a small boost in following. Who am I kidding, it wasn’t small. It was overwhelming, terrifying even.

My YouTube channel had a little over a million subscribers at the start of quarantine and now....now it’s closer to three million. Speaking of three million, I’m about to reach it any day now and it’s really hard to believe. I’m a gaming youtuber and I’ve never considered changing my genre despite expecting to not get any attention whatsoever, with all the big names on the platform. I was convinced not even as many as a hundred people would stumble across my videos and now here we are.

My OG subscribers are very supportive of my sudden growth and are defending me when my newer fans ask for a face reveal or whatnot. While we’re on that topic I might have to mention that not even my YouTube friends, and that includes Rae have seen my face. I’ve been faceless and bodiless for the entirety of my time on social media. Some claim I do it to grab more attention or for dramatic effect, but the reason is beyond that. I’m not shallow. Actually, shallow people are the reason I don’t show my face. I’ve never been the prettiest, but my middle school bully thought that I wasn’t lacking self confidence enough. As a result, I ended up with a not so handsome scar on my right cheek that starts from the corner of my mouth and nearly misses my eye. Yeah, it’s a long and pretty noticeable scar that has thankfully become less and less obvious as the years have progressed. Still, it’s not something I’d like to show to my viewers.

Eight ‘hi’s greet me back, each making my smile grow wider. “Sorry I’m late guys. Technical difficulties.” 

“Don’t worry.“ Rae’s voice dominates over the rest, “Corpse still isn’t here so we’re waiting for him.“

I mute myself on the Discord call and take a look at my comments. I’m most flattered by the comments about my voice. Seeing as how they don’t have much to compliment about me other than my content, they make the nicest comments about my voice, personality and humor. Those comments are the ones who warm my heart most. Even when people in my day to day life compliment my appearance I can’t find it in me to believe they are being genuine. I’d like to believe these amazing people are being one hundred percent honest when they tell me they like me for who I am and not for what I might look like.

“Sorry I’m late guys.“ A deep voice causes me to even physically jolt, switching my focus from the comments to the Among Us lobby where my eyes land on the newly materialized black avatar.

“Hi Corpse.“ Rae greets him.

“Hello mister who broke Twitter!“ Sean laughs, provoking the laughter of the rest of the players.

“Yeah, congratulations man. That’s a big deal.“ Felix chimes in.

“Thanks guys, but I think you’re forgetting we’re talking about a picture of my hand.“ Corpse chuckles timidly. I have noticed how shy he gets when someone gives him a compliment - like a snail slowly withdrawing in its shell. I find it adorable.

“That’s what makes it even better!“ I unmute my mic, sending my own congratulations.

“While we’re on that topic...“ Rae begins, waiting for the rest of us to shut our traps, suggesting she has something important to say. “Y/N, do you ever plan on doing a reveal like that? Not a face reveal. Just a body part reveal.“

I have no problem talking about the subject with friends but I get nervous when I’m supposed to discuss it with my fans. Seeing as how everyone, including myself, is streaming right now, I get a bit of a stutter in my speech. “Haven’t thought about it yet. But I guess a body part reveal is harmless.” I cringe immediately after letting the words leave my mouth, “That sounds so weird.”

Rae knows that I’m not too fond of my face, but I haven’t told her about my scar yet. I let almost all people I’ve met online think I’m using my lack of appearance for effect. For the mystery of it all. Mysteries attract people which equals attention. Attention equals views and the domino effect continues.

“Just a suggestion. No pressure.“ Rae adds quickly, knowing full well I get anxious when the subject is brought up in front of cameras. “Let’s get this game started, shall we.”

                                                          * * *

The idea dwells in my mind, sitting on the back burner even after I disconnect from the Discord call. I’m sitting in my gaming chair, which was a gift for my two million milestone, and weighing out the pros and cons of the action Rae suggested I take.

“It’s a picture of your fucking hand, dummy. How bad can it turn out?“ I say out loud, shaking my head at my indecisiveness. “You’ll be fine.”

In a blur, two pictures are already posted on my Instagram. The first one captioned ‘Took a leaf from my friend’s book. Did I do it right @ corpsehusband?’ and the second ‘Thanks, Rae. These are on you.’

Rae’s POV

As I’m watching a movie in my living room, I get a notification from Instagram, informing me that Y/N has posted for the first time in a while.

I scoff, “More like the first time in forever.”

The first thing that comes to my mind is the possibility of her reaching that three million milestone that’s been long time coming. I bring the glass of water that’s sitting on my coffee table to my lips, taking a sip as I tap the notification. The picture I see makes me hurry to put the glass back down so I don’t drop it. Y/N’s hand. Her fingers are covered with several thin rings each. And here I thought Corpse had too many rings, this girl has at least two on every finger! 

Then my eyes land on the second picture she has posted only minutes after the first and my heart drops. I struggle to get the water that’s been sitting in my moth down my esophagus while my mind is struggling with the task to comprehend the picture I’m looking at. 

Another hand is resting on top of Y/N’s. A hand also covered in rings but fewer and larger. The nails are painted black. 

I think I know who it belongs to.

Before I can even finish the thought, I’m dialing Y/N. She picks up after the second ring, sound cheery as ever as she greets me. “Hey Rae!”

“Don’t you ‘Hey Rae’ me!” I practically scream. I hate being kept in the dark about anything ever so this is just driving me mad. On top of all, she’s my best friend, for fuck’s sake. “Is that Corpse in the photo with you?!”

“Ugh....“ the cheeriness to her voice is all but gone now.

I go on with my rant, not giving her the time to reply. Not that she would reply. I bet she doesn’t know what to say. “So he knows where you live?! Or was the picture taken at his place?! He knows what you look like?! You have seen him! He has seen you in real life but me, your best friend, haven’t!!! You are breaking Covid 19 protection laws to take pictures?! Are you fucking serious, Y/N?!”

There’s a long moment of silence which frustrates me even more but I literally have run out of things to yell and the power to be angry. I mean, I still am, I just can’t express it.

“Rae, sweetheart, please calm down. You’re scary when you’re mad.“ This girl has some fucking nerve! She’s on the verge of laughing!

“Listen here you...“ 

“Rae, please stop scaring my girlfriend.“ That oh so distinguishable, oh so familiar voice interrupts me.

I am flabbergasted, for a lack of a better term.

“Now that we’ve got you quiet, I can explain.“ Y/N pics up the conversation, “Corpse and I have been dating for six, almost seven months now. We started dating around Easter after talking for quite some time. We moved in together at the end of September. All thanks to you, Rae. You’re the best.” She pauses to breathe in real quick, “There, all caught up?“

I’m in no less shock than I was before she explained. Actually, I think I might be even more confused now. It all just feels like a fever dream. “Yes...no. I don’t fucking know! I need details, Y/N!”

“Details later.“ Corpse makes his presence known once again, “We’re watching Family Guy right now. Talk to you later.“

“Love you, Rae!“ Y/N calls out before the line goes dead.

My arm goes limp, dropping my phone on the couch next to me. 

“Motherfuckers” I mumble under my breath.

Y/N’s POV

It’s been a week since Rae has stopped talking to both Corpse and me. I know she just needs some time to cool off. In the meantime, the rest of our friends were informed and, as oppose to Rae, were nothing but supportive and overjoyed. I bet Rae feels the same way though. Sean, Dave and the rest of the gang have confirmed that she’s incredibly happy for us and says she noticed a spark between me and him since day one, but she can’t help but be mad at us, and especially me, for not telling her sooner.

“Any regrets?“ I remember Corpse asking me when we hung up on her after dropping the bomb.

“Not being able to see her face when she saw the picture.“ I beam at him, feeling as content as ever.

He laughs, agreeing with me before leaning down to kiss me.

@susceptible-but-siriusexual  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @itsminniekat  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios

[bastart13]

Unfortunately I couldn’t help but think through a few ironic implications of Portia’s Reversed ending

Fic below the cut

[1.5k words, tw character dying, set in Portia’s Reversed ending so spoilers]

A decade or so after their story ended

Isha let their head fall back with a rattling, haggard sigh. They closed their eyes, letting the gentle rocking of the docked ship lull their heart into a calm pace. It was almost enough for them to forget their troubles if it wasn’t for the sharp aches in their hip or the sheer effort it took to take a breath.

They’d never been good at listening to their own discomfort. They’d lived with discomfort all the life they remembered, whether it be from minor inconveniences with their arm, or the ever-present fatigue since magic left their world. But now, their body screamed at them everything they’d been trying to ignore. Everything they’d kept from Portia.

A chipper, rhythmic knocking on the door took them out of their thoughts. Despite everything, Isha couldn’t help but smile.

“Welcome back,” they called.

The door swung open with no hesitation as their wife bound into the room. Her sunny smile lit up the room, emphasising the wrinkles around her mouth and eyes. A true smile, reserved for Isha and their children alone. She kicked off her worn boots, shutting the door behind her as she waltzed over to the bed.

“I’ve been missing you,” she teased, leaning in for a quick kiss. “We should be ready to undock soon. Jasna’s grown up to be a fine bosun. I swear, soon they’ll be rigging the boat with their hands tied behind their back just for the challenge. Right after we—”

Portia’s eyes locked onto their bedside table. A half-finished tankard of beer sat over an unfamiliar note filled edge-to-edge with scrawling ink. Her eyebrows tensed, frowning.

“Was Ilya here?”

“Yes, he just left,” Isha said. “He was sorry he couldn’t stay to see you, but he needed to get back to his partner before dark.”

“Did he at least squeeze in a ‘hello’ to his nieces and nephews?” she asked, her voice lightening to a dangerous cheer. Isha shook their head, looking back to the note.

“No…”

They needed to tell her.

He’d written everything she’d need to know but she didn’t deserve to hear it from Julian’s letter.

Portia stroked through their dull curls, pushing them away from their face before gently cupping their cheek.

“Are you feeling better from this morning?” she asked.

Isha took a short, weary breath.

“I’m not well, Portia,” they said softly. “I went outside for some fresh air this afternoon, when I ran into Julian and I had one of those attacks. He helped me back to see what was wrong and it’s getting worse.”

Hurt flickered across her expression before she slapped on a determined smile.

“But he told you how to treat it, right? That’s what the note is. I know we’re charted to sail down the Strait of Seals but if we don’t have what you need or the cold would be too much, we can change course,” she reassured, picking up a pace with no intention of stopping. “And look on the bright side! Now Ilya’s seen you, we might be able to get you back on your feet. You’ve been feeling low for a while now, think of all the places we can visit once you’re better. You can get back off the ship and travel inland. I’ve heard it’s really settled down in the north and I’d love it if we could visit Sun lake again—”

“There’s nothing to treat it,” Isha asserted, but Portia barrelled past.

“—And if we’re passing through Galbrada we can meet back up with Lavi. In his last letters, he was so excited about his travels—”

“I’m dying.”

Portia’s voice cut out.

The ship creaked and drummed with the distant movement of the crew above deck but to them, the quiet hung in the air like a dense fog.

“You’re not dying,” she insisted, the shine in her eyes fracturing. “You’re not dying, you’ll be okay,” she repeated. “I’m the Ambassador of Vesuvia! Along with Prakra, we’re one of the most powerful cities in the land and I have ships in every port in the five seas, loaded with imports. Ilya just must not know what we have access to. Even if—if you’re as ill as he says, we can find a cure. He could look again o-or we could go to Nazali. I know they’re older now, but they’ve trained so many medics, and if that doesn’t work, I know the leader of Urdangabil. They’re one of the leading pioneers of new medicine and if I look through my silvered book, I’m sure I can find something to get her to—”

“No.” Isha gripped Portia’s hand, staring deep into her eyes. Their gaze softened, their care hurting her more than any blade. “I’m dying, Portia

She frantically shook her head, her lip quivering.

“Don’t say that.”

“I’ve been dying ever since the magic left.”

“You’re not going to die! You’re going to be okay…”

“I was never going to live that long. It was borrowed time.”

“You told me you were okay!” Portia sobbed. There was nothing else she could say. She broke.

Pearly tears streamed down her cheeks and she collapsed into Isha’s embrace. She gripped their nightdress, holding onto them like a drowning woman to driftwood. Helpless sobs wracked through her body and Isha held onto their wife in return, gently rubbing her shoulder with their stump. It felt unfair. They were still so warm. Their heart beat the same reassuring patter as whenever Portia curled up against their chest. How could they… How…

But she knew how. She knew why and the thought only made her choking cries harsher.

“I’m sorry…” Isha said softly. “You deserved to know sooner… I wasn’t okay.”

Their chest grew wet from Portia’s tears and they only held her closer.

“It’s… gotten worse over the years,” they explained. “The first few were just this tiredness, but then my headaches came back. Tiredness became exhaustion. I felt… hollow. Like I was using myself up from the inside with every breath and step. It wasn’t until Julian saw me that I recognised it… You know me; I’m useless at asking for help.” They tried for a smile, even if Portia couldn’t see it. “I’m thankful every day I didn’t put that promise in my vows.”

Her crying hitched with a hysterical laugh before slamming her fist against their chest.

“STOP IT!” she yelled, her voice cracking. “J-Just stop it… Stop being s-so stupidly calm! How can y-you just—just accept this?! We’ve done so much… so much… All together. How could I have missed it? I have secrets on every city’s leader. I have ears and eyes everywhere. How—How didn’t even know my own spouse was d-dying!”

“I didn’t know,” Isha whispered, “and I didn’t tell you. It’s not your fault.”

“But it is! You know it is more than anyone. I was the one who chose to kill Aunt Tasya! I could have talked to her. I could have done anything to convince her, I could have…" She stilled under Isha’s arm. Tears dripped from her wide, unfocused eyes.

Moving like a stiff puppet, she fell out of their embrace.

“...The Arcana,” she whispered, the words barely leaving her lips. “I know Asra looked into it and found nothing… but that was just the first year. We have access to so much more… That’s it. I… I could try and call on them. On the other world. Even on—”

Portia jolted out of her daze with Isha’s iron clasp around her wrist and their amber eyes boring into her with a fire she hadn’t seen in years.

“You can’t,” they ordered. “Whatever happens, you can’t repeat Tasya’s mistakes. When we killed her, we accepted the consequences, and I don’t regret it. I can’t let you fall down that path. No matter what happens to me, you need to remember that. I’m not saying you can’t grieve, but you have to let me go.”

More tears welled up and rolled down her cheeks. Isha let go of her wrist, reach up to hold her face and brush them away with their thumb.

“You’ve done everything you can for me and more,” they said.  “You’ve given me a goal, friends, a family. It means more than I could ever say, and I’m glad I’ve had this time with you, but it was always a half-filled hourglass.” They inhaled sharply, their chest suddenly feeling too empty until they breathed through the pain. Their eyes fell closed as they rested their forehead against Portia’s. “I’ve died once before. I don’t remember anything about the life I had before it, but as hard as it is, I know it’s different this time. I don’t want to die. I’m scared. I hate upsetting you. I want to see our children grow up and know the lives they’ll lead. But I’ve accepted it. I can’t ignore it or put it off.”

They pulled back with burning eyes and a tight throat.

“You’ve made my life worth more than I ever thought it could be. I love you, my light. Thank you for loving me.”