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sarah-writes-marvel · 3 years

Text

Family Matters: Bucky x fem!Reader

S.S: Hello again! Another fic for you folks! This one was really based off myself and my persepectives for my future but I hope that you all like it.

Warnings: Slight panic attack, not much, mentions of children (is that a warning?) showering together but nothing sexual

Word Count: 1,636

MASTERLIST

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“Uncle Bucky!” Morgan’s sweet voice entered the room before she was in sight. The sound of her feet running against the linoleum of the compound echoed just as loudly.

I smiled at Bucky as he stood up to greet the little girl running towards him from the hallway, bracing himself for her hug.

“Hey there MiniMo. How's it going?” He asked as he knelt to her height watching her smile grow on her face as she bounced on her toes.

“Can we go to the park? Daddy said it was alright while he worked.” Morgan begged.

“You just got here Maguna. Take a chill pill.” Tony said as he finally showed up in the common room.

“But dad, it's so pretty outside!” She whined turning towards Tony.

“And it'll be just fine a little later too. You need breakfast first missy.” He smirked as he readjusted his sling. “Say Hi to Aunt Y/n/n too. She’s looking a little dejected.”

I smiled as Morgan enthusiastically waved at me with her toothy grin before turning back to Bucky.

Despite their differences, Tony and Bucky had created a peaceful relationship. Tony still had some precautions but after speculation he realized where he had been mistaken and had finally accepted Bucky’s profuse apologizes about Hydras doing. Though Tony was very protective over Morgan, especially after his snap, Morgan had been the one to really connect the two parties. She broke Bucky out of his shell even more, probably even helped him more than I had through Steves leaving.

Bucky was amazing with Morgan. He treated her as if she was his younger sister like in the 40’s with Becca. He had told me once that Morgan’s smile reminded him of her. Other than Tony he had become the most protective of the girl. It was adorable. He always offered to babysit if Tony and Pepper had business or just needed a night off and if there wasn't a mission that had to be done.

Tony pulled Morgan along to the kitchen and Bucky had rejoined me on the couch, watching me complete the sudoku puzzle I was working on. I could feel the nervous energy coming from him as if he wanted to say something.

“What’s on your mind Buck?” I asked, not looking away from my puzzle.

“Huh, oh. Just thinking that's all.”

“Want to indulge me? I can feel your anxiety radiating from you.” I teased him, turning to see his sweet face.

“Do you want kids?” he asked bluntly. My heart dropped to my stomach and the smile that was on my face had faded as soon as the words left his mouth. “I mean like after we get married or something. I know we've only been dating for like a year or so, but we've never talked about this.” he said his hands fiddling in his lap as he watched my reaction.

“I- uh. I- well ummm I-”

“Uncle Bucky! Lets go to the park! Please!! Daddy said it was alright now!” Morgan interrupted my flustered stuttering.

“Ok MiniMo. I'll be right there. Go put on your jacket.” He smiled as she skipped away back to the door. “I didn't mean to upset you. We can talk about it later. I’ll see you in a bit.” he said before kissing my head and following Morgan out the door.

I watched his retreating form with tears glazing my eyes. My vision shifted from the hallway to see Tony standing in the doorway of the kitchen, his arm crossed over his chest and a sympathetic look on his features.

“Need to talk about something? I don't have to be in the lab yet.” He offered, moving towards me.

“I- I- He’s gonna hate me.” I whispered.

“Why’s that?” he sat down next to me, his good arm slug around the back of the couch.

“He asked if I wanted kids, probably because he wants them but I don't. I can't. He’s gonna hate me.” I turned to Tony.

“Did he explicitly say that he wanted kids? That he wanted to start a family with you.”

“No but -”

“EH- stop. If he didnt straight up say he wanted kids then don't be so worried. He’s asking what you want in the future.” he said.

“But what if he wants a family. I can't give him that Tony. I can't give him what he had, what he might want.”

“And if he truly loves you it won't be a problem. He might want a family but there are other ways to have kids.”

“No Tony, you don't understand. I don't want to have children at all. I can't deal with the stress of raising someone. I don't want to have a child just to mess them up because I’m not mother material.”

“Pepper thought that for a while. She doubted her ability but now look, we've got this amazing daughter.”

“You're not listening to me. I'm not mother material. I'm a mercenary. Pepper is an executive Business woman. She knows what it's like to have a family, how a child should be raised. I have no idea what that's like. I didn't have that luxury, I wouldn't know where to start. She doubted herself for a moment in life, I on the other hand have known forever that I will never be good enough to be a mother, whether it was my own child or adopted. I'm not made for that life.” I argued, the pain settling in my chest.

“Come on Y/n/n, you can't seriously believe that.” Tony said.

“I 100% do. I was raised as a killer, not a lover. I don't nurture things. I manage to kill everything I touch in time.” I stated, “I'm gonna go shower. Good luck with your projects.” I said before walking out of the room.

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I closed the bedroom door behind me and tossed my sudoku book onto the unmade bed. I looked at the clock on the wall watching the hands move. I began pacing along the carpet lost in my thoughts. Bucky's face ingrained in my memory, the way his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, the lines creased on his forehead, the way his eyes flitted to mine after he asked the question of curiosity swimming within and a hopeful gleam.

Of course he would want a family. He grew up with a sister and a loving mother. And Steve was practically his brother. Why wouldn't he want a daughter or a son of his own. He loves Morgan and he loves spending time with her so of course he's pictured himself with his own children one day.

I ran a hand over my face trying to wipe away the worry. I pulled my shirt over my head dropping it onto the floor with my sweatpants before walking into the bathroom. I turned the water to the hottest setting possible watching the room fill with steam almost immediately.

The water cascaded around me, trailing off my fingertips and dripping from my hair. The cool tile of the floor underneath my huddled form wasn't noticeable with the steaming water hitting my back. My arms were wrapped around my legs as I sat on the floor of the shower, my head leaning against the wall reimagining the look that Bucky had given me. It had morphed to a pained look, one of disgust, of hatred.

“Hey Y/n? Everything alright? Tony said you needed to talk to me.” Bucky's voice broke me from my trance. I heard the bathroom door open and close behind him. He knocked against the tinted glass door to the shower. “Can I join you?”

“If you want to.” I said quietly, pulling myself off the floor as he got undressed and stepped in. His hands wrapped around my waist.

“What's going on doll?” HIs deep voice whispered as he left kisses on my shoulder.

“Maybe we should break up.” I said quietly. His grip loosened a little and his kisses stopped.

“What are you talking about?”

“I just don't want to hold you back from something you want.” I said.

“Is this about what I asked earlier? Because I didn't mean that we had to have kids now. I know that our lives are still kinda hectic. We can wait. I don't mind.” he said, his hands turning me to face him.

“I can't have kids. Even if I could I don’t want kids. And you obviously want a family. I can't give you that. I can't give you what you had growing up. I can't give you a loving family like you want.” tears were freely streaming down my cheeks.

“We don't need kids to have a loving family. I have you. That's enough for me.” he reassured, his hands cupping my face.

“But you want kids. I see how you act with Morgan. You adore her.” I said.

“I do adore her, but that doesnt mean I want kids. I adore you much more than risking losing you over wanting children. I'm fine without kids. We can have a dog instead.”

“But- I-”

“Stop. Listen to me closely; I don't need children to have a family with you. It can just be me and you. I don’t care just as long as I’m sharing my future with you.” he said gently but stern. “Now come on, let’s get out and go play with Morgan, ok?”

I simply nodded and followed his lead out of the shower. He took my towel and dried me off gently, finishing by placing a kiss on my lips.

“I love you, you know that.” he smiled tilting my chin up to meet his gaze.

“I love you too. I'm sorry.”

“There's nothing to apologize for, doll. Nothing at all.” he said with another smile before crushing me in a hug.

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S.S: Hope you like this! I saw a tiktok with Sebastian being amazing with kids and it was adorable but like at the same time I lowkey despise kids because they come from a special place in hell so this story came out. Anyways.... thanks fro reading!!

#avengers #buckybarnes #buckyxreader #buckybarnesxreader #bucky barnes #winter soilder #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #wintersoldier #winter soldier x reader #marvel #mcu #mcufanfic #buckybarnesfanfic #fluff #angst #romantic

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finnwolfhardsbae · 3 years

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✿𝕀 𝕞𝕖𝕒𝕟 𝕀 𝕃𝕀𝕂𝔼 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦✿║A Steve Harrington x Reader imagine (Requested)

𝕄𝕪 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕣𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕖 𝕀 𝕙𝕠𝕡𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕪'𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕚𝕥 :)

ℕ𝕠𝕥𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟 𝕣𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕕: 𝕀 𝕙𝕠𝕡𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕠 𝕘𝕖𝕥? 𝕀𝕗 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕖 𝔻𝕄 𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕖𝕖 𝕚𝕗 𝕀 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕗𝕚𝕩 𝕚𝕥 <𝟛

𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: 𝔸𝕟𝕘𝕤𝕥, 𝕗𝕝𝕦𝕗𝕗 (𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕒)

𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 𝟙𝟝𝟠𝟞 (𝕤𝕠 𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕒 𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕘-𝕚𝕤𝕙)

You’re studying by yourself in the library stressed as hell over this biology essay that was due in 2 days, you aren't that behind y/n just calm down, you told yourself. But if you were being honest with yourself you were very behind, you shook your head trying to get yourself to focus.

You look up and do a double take because you spotted the most popular and gorgeous guy at your school, Steve Harrington. He was standing at one of the bookshelves reading a book. You and Steve are good friends, though you sometimes thought he could be a douchebag he was overall nice, and kinda cute in your opinion. You look back down at your work trying to focus again, you really had to finish this essay and you didn't need boys or anyone shaking your grade streak right now.

You’ve always been bothered with school, your fathers a lawyer so you try to live up to your well known family's expectations being the only child your parents have ever had. You think of how disappointed your parents would be if you didn't do well in school, you thought of your parents disowning you because you would be such a failure, a disappointment, a shame to your family. This was always a thought with you, being disowned, thrown onto the street or in an orphanage is your worst nightmare, even though you were 17 turning 18, it still bothers you.

You feel your eyes starting to water and your chest tightening, you could just feel all the stress building up inside you and you needed to let it out, but you couldn't. You were trying to hold it back as best you can the dark thoughts and feelings quickly manifesting in your head. Steve was still at the book shelf and you didn't want to make a fool of yourself, and plus there were other people around you trying to read or study, so you kept it in.

“Y/n hey are you okay?” you hear someone approach you that's when you looked up and you were met with none other than Steve. You shook your head at him and that's when you let it all out, the tears sobbing the pain, the everything. Having people feel sorry for you was also one of the worst feelings ever for you, you always felt bad that they would worry about you rather than thinking or doing something else, like you were taking up their time.

You hear a chair being pulled up next to you and feel a hand come around your shoulders, “Hey y/n its okay, tell me what's up hmm?” Steve says in a comforting soft tone, causing you to calm down a little bit. You see a few people staring at you two so Steve takes your hand and leads you out into the hallway so you two could talk in private.

“Y/n you don't have to say it if you don't want to, I understand, but I just want to help okay?” he says before sitting at a bench with you following.

“No Steve its f-fine I just feel emotional right now” you say wiping a tear from your cheek, “Well how can I help?” he asked with his eyes full of concern and tenderness making you feel more calmer, more confident.

You tell him everything from the essay, your family, the stress you feel everyday and how it's affecting you. You were letting him into the most sensitive part of your life, but you trusted him you knew you could.

He listened to you so intently and with interest and concern. When you finish he just stares at you, “I didn't know you were going through so much y/n” he says quietly.

You frown, “Hey there are people out there far worse than me, people without jobs, without parents far worse. At least I got you aye?” you nudge him making him smile. “I guess you’re right, but you're too young to deal with that kind of stress,” he turns to face you properly, “Promise next time this happens come straight to me okay? I don't care if it's 2am or pouring rain outside, give me a call or come out and find me. I don't want you to get hurt anymore okay?” you look down at your hands avoiding eye contact with him.

He uses his thumb and forefinger to pull your chin up towards him, “Promise?” he questions, you blink up at him, “Steve why are you doing this?” you ask him. To this he answers “Because I care about you, you’re one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met.”

You finally give in, “Okay I promise I’ll contact you next time this happens, there happy?” you giggle as he nods his head, “Yeah okay cool” he then looks relieved and happy. You two sit in comfortable silence for a bit, he catches your eye and says, “Do you want a ride home?”, “Yeah sure thanks I’ll just go grab my stuff and meet you in the car park yeah?” you reply, he nods his head before getting up and leaving.

You quickly grab your stuff from the library and rush out the doors, getting into Steve’s car you notice how clean it is. “Nice car harrington” you remark before he pulls out of the car park, he chuckles “thanks” as he turns on the radio for some music.

Later on that evening, long after Steve dropped you off, you start thinking about the whole situation that happened earlier in your head. ‘What does he even mean? He cares about me? And I’m one the most “amazing” people he's ever met?’

You shrug it off he was probably playing you like he did all those other girls, no one would even take a second look at you. You ignore it before you have another panic attack and start reading before you fall into a comfortable sleep.

The next day you felt slightly on edge, anyone that talked to you that morning you just shut them out no matter who they were, especially Steve.

“Hey y/n, how are you feeling today?” Steve says as he walks up to your locker, “Fine thanks” you answer moodily. Steve gives you a funny look, but chooses to ignore your apparent bad mood.

Throughout the whole day you felt that feeling you had yesterday slowly come back in, you didn't have a particular reason why, but maybe it was because your Biology teacher came over and started talking to you about the essay, or maybe it was because of Steve, or maybe it was your parents.

Whatever reason it was, it sure was giving you hell that day, you avoid Steve for the rest of the day too, leaving classes before everyone else, taking the long way to classes he was in about almost every class you took, and at lunchtime that day you sat in the library and study rather than meet up with friends at the cafeteria.

Steve knew there was something wrong so he left the cafeteria to look for you, he found you once again in the library.

“Y/n what's wrong?” he asks as he sits on the ground next to you, “There's nothing wrong Steve I just… I don't even know anymore” you close the book you were reading and start packing up, “I have to go Steve I’m sorry-”, you were cut off by Steve blocking your path.

“Y/n please talk to me, just like you did yesterday please” he begs looking down at you, you look down at the ground not because you were scared or about to cry, but because you got all shy and was blushing because he was standing so close to you that you could smell the cologne he uses.

You two walk out into the hall and face each other, ‘Just say what you feel y/n’, you take a deep breath.

“Steve I was thinking last night and what you said yesterday didnt make any sense at all, well to me it didn't” you stand there staring at him expectantly. He smiles and runs his hands through his mess of hair, ‘god don't do that’, you blink trying to stop yourself from thinking that way about Steve because it was weird. Right?

“Y/n I’ve kind of been wanting to tell you for ages but, I like you” he shrugs as he finishes his sentence, “Well yeah obviously or else we wouldn't be here” you say slightly confused.

“No y/n I mean I LIKE like you” he looks at you waiting for a reaction,

“Are you serious Harrington? Out of all the girls at this school that's hotter than me you like ME?!” you were in shock but at the same time you were giddy as hell.

“Yes, y/n I mean it I mean the whole thing, in fact do you wanna go to the park up the road? You know just for a little date or something.” he chuckles nervously as he waits for your answer.

You’d always had a crush on Steve for ages, and now he feels the same?! All the feelings you felt before all melted away to nothing, you were ecstatic.

“Yes of course I would Steve” you giggle as he scoops you up in a hug, for the rest of the day he couldnt get rid of the stupid grin on his face...

#writers #fanfiction #steve harrington x you #steve harrington #stranger things #highschool #panic attack #anxiety #depression #angst #being there for eachother #helpingothers #sad #fluff #cute

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askthedaycarecrew · 2 years

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Artists note: so fun fact, I suck at drawing backgrounds, they are the bane of my existence so at some point i stopped drawing because i couldn't keep up with backgrounds so yeah... enjoy

Sylve: you are not calm, from my base observations you are having a mild to moderate panic attack! If you would like i can get you some water and a snack to help calm you down?

Sunny: i can give hugs! Would you like a hug Vixen?

Sunny: i can give a hug for you too David!

david smiles while vixen doesnt respond for a moment.

Vixen: im fine. As cool as a clam, as calm as can be-

David: Vixen youre gonna send yourself into a worse panic.

Vixen: No im not im fine.

David: Uhuh...

Vixen: Im great. A hug is unneeded. We just have to find leon.

Sunny: aww really? Ok... David do you want hugs?

Sunny pouts as he looks over to David while Sylve has alrwady left the room to obtain snacks

David: Nono, im fine.

David nudging vixen towards Sun

Vixen: Okaymaybeidoneedahug

Gently leaning forward to hug sun.

David: Ill just take the snacks.

Sunny smiles and hugs Vixen close, his casing is warm and surprisingly soft for being made of metal

Sunny: Hugs are the best medicine for an upset mind!

Sylve comes back in holding to bottles of water and a couple of bags of dispointment

Sylve: here yah go David!

Sylve hands David some water and a bag of the chips

Vixen: Thank you sun, i needed that..

David: How come you didnt let me hug you earlier?

Vixen: Well i mean, i didnt want to burden you-

David: Vix please-

Vixen: What its a true thing i mean-

Sylve smiles as they hold out a bag of Disappointment chips and a bottle of water to Vixen

Sylve: i know you said you were fine but i didn't want you to feel left out!

Vixen: Thank you, sylve.

Gently taking the bag of chips and water, vixen drinks some of the bottled water.

David: Feeling better now?

Vixen: Yeah im..better than earlier. I mean still in the panic stages but, its better..?

Sylve: well that's good! Now how about we work on getting to Leon! As i said it seems he could be stuck somewhere in the construction aria of the plex, he hasn't moved at all since i last checked so he might be alseep, unconscious or just stuck in a tuff spot!

Sunny: that doesn't sound to good

Sylve: I'll pack a backpack with a first aid kit and some rope incase he's stuck in a hole!

Vixen nods to their plan: Leons been..acting pretty weird lately. Though i digress..

David nods in response: Should we bring like..food money for incase Leon HAS been stuck or something..?

Vixen: I mean, sounds reasonable

Sylve nods: I'll grab one of the backpacks from the gift shop!

Sunny: I'll get the first aid kit!!!

Vixen digs through their personal bag to get some money: David i have like, 20 bucks.

David: That should be enough for food right? incase leon is stuck.

David: Yeah, should be about enough.

Vixen hands David a flashlight, sticking their tazer to their own belt.

Dabid: I feel like thats a bit much.

Vixen: Maybe, but rather be safe than sorry.

Sunny runs back in holding a small bag with the signature red cross of a first aid kit: i got the first aid kit!!!

Vixen: We have money, flashlights and possibly life saving weapons.

Sylve takes the first aid kit from Sunny and puts it in the backpack and then pulls out a small hand full if snacks from no where and starts putting them in the backpack

Sunny: wow! Where?? How?!?!

Sunny stairs in wonder of Sylve's magic trick

Vixen slides the money over to Sylve to put in the bag, david grumbling as he found currently nothing truly helpful to their 'rescue' mission.

Sylve slides the money back: no need for the money, i have a hidden compartment full of snacks... healthy good for you snacks...

Vix nods. Stuffing the money somewhere: I see.

David leans back: youll be fine on the way to leon right vix?

Vixen: I mean. I guess ill have to be

David nods in understanding

Sylve smiles: david you keep an eye on all the sercurity cams of the aria! I had a check and it seems all the cams that are in the same room as Leon are off so...

Sunny: thats odd? Shouldn't the cameras be up?

David nods in response, quickly turning to the cameras

Vixens hand over the tazer on their belt at all times,: god. I dont like the sound of that..

Sylve: i don't either but we should get moving before Leon gets into anymore trouble then he might already be in!

Sunny: right! Vixen you me and Sylve will go to get Leon! David you keep watch of us through the cams!

Vix nods, exiting the security room with the other two bots. David keeping check of the cameras for them.

#ask the daycare crew #ask blog #moondrop #original characters #sundrop #sunnydrop #moonydrop

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rjhpandapaws · 3 years

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A Hand in the Matter

Ch5: I May Not Know You Well But...

//Warning(s): implied obsessive-compulsive behavior, graphic-ish description of a depressive espisode, and poor self image.

Gavin wasn't the best with people, he never had been. Social cues were hard and he tended to miss them anyway. So, he couldn't exactly be blamed for the amount of time it took him to realize Richard wasn't his usual self. They'd known each other a few weeks and hung out pretty consistently, be it to study or just kick back at Gavin's apartment. In the past few days, the silence that accompanied Richard seemed heavier. The joke of tall, dark and brooding now seemed less a joke and more of a new normal. Gavin was at a loss.

Richard wasn't exactly the most expressive person. His smiles were little more than a slight curl at the corner of his lips that Gavin quickly learned to look for. It was rare for them to show in his eyes. Gavin had seen that smile once, three weeks ago at the cafe when he had signed his order for the first time. Since then Richard had been more withdrawn. Gavin had believed it to be the usual of Richard playing his cards close to his chest, until today. Today Richard had cancelled their study session, and the ones after.

Gavin: we still meeting at the cafe today?

Gavin: asking because I'm running a little late

Gavin: you're gonna need to grab the table

Tall Phcker from Psych: i think you should find another tutor

Tall Phcker from Psych: its nothing personal Gavin.

Gavin stared at his phone in shock, in the hall outside his apartment, grocery bags on his arm and probably looking like an idiot, but he didn't understand why this was happening. They were friends right? That couldn't have just been in his head.

Gavin: was it something I did?

Richard had said it wasn't personal, and Gavin wanted to believe him, but this had come out of no where. Gavin shook his head to clear it, he had things to do today. He could manage studying on his own, probably. He opened the door to his apartment, calling a greeting to his cat before heading to the kitchen. He set the bags on the counter and began to unpack them and put the contents away. He tucked the plastic bags under the sink.

Gavin checked his phone, but he had no new messages, no explanation for the sudden cut off. He sighed and grabbed his backpack and flopped onto his old beat up couch. He put the backpack beside him on the couch, taking up the spot where he would normally find Richard. Pushing that thought back down where it belonged, Gavin fished out his textbook and flipped to the chapter they were covering that week.

Richard had suggested reading the chapter over first, giving it time to sink in, and then going over it again to take notes. So Gavin settled in to read, playing music quietly through the smart speaker on the end table. He made progress, for a while, but at some point it devolved into him just staring absently at a diagram, none of it registering. He was drawn into his own thoughts, trying to pick apart where he had gone wrong. Trying to figure out what he had done that had caused Richard to pull away from him.

Richard at least seemed to enjoy talking with him, or, at least listening to Gavin talk. He would respond with dry jokes of his own from time to time. Whenever Gavin started something it turned out he couldn't handle Richard usually came to his aid, pulling him from fights, or playing peace keeper, and on occasion simply being damage control. Outwardly at least, Richard hadn't seemed to mind, but Gavin was beginning to worry that maybe he did. Richard was calm and quiet, a constant to Gavin's rowdy and combative, and he had probably decided that Gavin was too exhausting to keep around. He was violently startled out of his thoughts by his phone vibrating loudly against the end table. He had messages from a number that wasn't in his contact list, which was odd.

3132483175: is this Gavin?

3132483175: my name is Connor. Richard is my younger brother.

3132483175: I would like to talk with you

3132483175: if you have the time that is

Gavin read the texts, and then read them again to make sure he had read them correctly. He added Connor to his contact list before replying.

Gavin: hey

Gavin: is Richard alright?

My Name is Connor: I was going to ask you that actually

My Name is Connor: he has been acting very distant the past few days and I can't figure out why

Gavin: you and me both

Gavin: he sent me a couple texts earlier one saying I should find another psych tutor and the other saying that it wasn't anything personal

My Name is Connor: hmm

My Name is Connor: my break is almost over. Mind swinging by Hand Brewed Hope so we can talk?

My Name is Connor: I'm off at 3

Gavin: alright. See you then

Gavin stared at his phone for a long moment. Then scrolled to the top of the short conversation to read through it again to make sure that it had actually happened. Richard hadn't pulled away from just him. He was happy for a moment, but that was soon eaten alive by guilt. Connor was clearly worried. Enough so to reach out to a stranger to see if they knew anything. Reassured that it (probably) wasn't his fault, anxiety gave way to worry.

What was it that was hurting Richard so badly that he would withdraw from Connor? He'd spoken of him in such high regards before, that they had seemed close. Richard had been at least opening his messages, even if it was just to clear the notifications. It wouldn't hurt to send another.

Gavin: text Connor please, he's worried about you

He sent it before he could worry if he had stepped out of line. Even if he had, it was from a good place. If he didn't ever come to talk to Gavin again, he at least wanted Richard to have Connor to lean on. He didn't like the thought of Richard being alone, even the most composed needed someone to lean on when things got difficult.

As it turned out, time flies when you're worried. He didnt get much more studying done and by the time it was creeping up on three o'clock, Gavin was grabbing his jacket and keys for the second time that day. Has he headed down the hall to the lobby he shot Connor a text.

Gavin: headed your way coffee boy

He eyes his motorcycle in the parking lot for a moment, but decided walking to the cafe would give him more time to gather his thoughts. He wasn't sure why Connor wanted to talk. Mutual worry seemed to be part of it, but it also felt like Connor was trying to do damage control.

In a way, Gavin was doing the same thing. Trying to gage what was wrong and see what he could do to fix it. He just couldn't figure out what it was. Maybe with Connor's help they could get it figured out and try and get a handle on it.

It was after three by the time he arrived at the cafe. He scanned the place for Connor and found him at the corner table where he and Richard sat to study. Connor met his eyes and waved him over. There were two cups on the table, when he sat down Connor slid the bigger one over to him.

"Thanks." Gavin said trying to relax some in the chair, "So you wanted to talk to me?"

Connor was still in his work uniform and his expression was friendly, but the worry was still showing through, "Yeah. If thats okay. You're a friend of his and he thought he might have told you what was wrong, but since he didnt I thought we could compare notes on what's been going on."

Gavin took a drink for the sole purpose of stalling the conversation, at least the drink was his usual. "That makes sense. I didn't notice until a few days ago, but looking back on it, it started just after the day I first signed my drink order. He seemed really happy that day, but after that he started pulling away from me."

Connor nodded keeping his eyes on Gavin, but it felt like he was looking through him rather than at him, "He really seems to like you. I've never seen him go out of his way to interact with someone before."

Gavin took a moment to let that sink in. Richard didn't seem the type to have a lot of friends but Gavin had thought he was one of a few.

"Seemed to." Gavin found himself saying, "He decided today that apparently he's better off if we don't talk."

"He didn't say that!" Connor snapped with enough venom that a few other patrons looked over at them, "According to your own messages he said you should find a new tutor, not that he disliked you." Both Connor's voice and expression were sharp as he defended his brother, "Anyway, its like you said. After that day he started to pull away. With me at least it started with him not returning my texts, then yesterday he asked me to stop calling him, and I haven't heard from him since. He's at least reading the messages, but that doesn't make me feel much better."

"Because he doesn't like having the notifications hanging around." Gavin said with a nod. Richard was odd with organization and clutter. Gavin had actively started keeping his apartment clean after Richard's first visit resulted in him having a panic attack, "It's not exactly reassuring."

"No." Connor sighed, "its not." He drank from his own cup and then sat forward, "the only thing that has changed in his life recently is you." Connor held up a hand silencing Gavin's building argument, "I'm not blaming you. It was a positive change, he was coming out of his shell. But I can't help to wonder if it was too much at once."

"Maybe we should go see him." Gavin suggested, "we don't know what's going on and he isn't answering our messages. He doesn't want to come to us, so instead we should go to him."

"But what if he wants to be alone? He's a very private person you know." Connor argued though it sounded weak to Gavin.

"Should he be alone though? By your own words he's almost always been alone. What if this time it's different Connor? What if he needs someone and doesn't know how to ask?" Gavin paused to breathe, "he's used to being relied on, relying on others may be new to him."

Connor just stared at him, like Gavin had said something he hadn't thought of. His brown eyes narrowed before he stood like the devil himself was on his heels. He looked down at Gavin the determination of the rest of his expression only just masking the worry lingering in his eyes, "Well? Are you coming or not."

Gavin took a moment to collect himself before standing. He grabbed his cup and followed Connor out of the cafe. The brunette took his apron off as he walked, a skill Gavin was genuinely impressed by, and folded it under his arm keeping it close. Gavin trailed behind Connor trying not to lose him in the crowd but he was cutting a fast pace. He'd never personally been to Richard's apartment but knew he at least lived close by. He often mentioned walking to the cafe. Connor turned down a side street Gavin almost missed. Connor slowed down some so Gavin assumed they were getting close.

"Have you ever been to Nines's place before?" Connor asked, not turning to face Gavin.

"Nines?" Gavin asked, unsure if it was a nickname or another person all together, "uh no why?"

"Nines is Richard's nickname, the number always seems to bring him good luck." Connor elaborated, smiling at some memory Gavin wasn't privy to, "ah, then he may not like you showing up uninvited."

"Well he should have thought about that before he decided to drop off the fucking grid." Gavin responded a little defensively, "look I'll apologize after all of this is fixed, buy him something fuzzy. The whole bit."

Connor stopped to look over at Gavin, "how do you know about his texture sensitivity? He never tells anyone about that."

"If it makes you feel better, I just found out about it from you." Gavin remarked, "I just figured he liked fuzzy shit because I have a cat at my place and he takes her hostage evertime he comes over."

Guilt settled into Connor's features and he began walking with purpose again, "oh. Please don't tell him I told you."

"Don't worry, I wont."

The silence settled over them again, but it was less suffocating this time, the urgency still remained but they were no longer being smothered by it. Connor lead him into a parking lot, not the main one from the look of it and headed for the building marked A3. Gavin followed, only slightly less sure of himself than before. There had to be a reason Richard hadn't opened his apartment to Gavin, and now that Connor had mentioned it; he wondered if showing up was breaking some unspoken rule. Gavin's worry won out over his guilt. As the saying went, it was easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

Richard lived on the fifth floor at the end of the building opposite the elevator because of course he did. Gavin was winded by the time they reached their stop, and mad because Connor wasn't. The bastard continued down the hall like they hadn't just climbed five fucking floors worth of stairs. They arrived at apartment 509-A and Gavin was relatively certain that Richard could hear his breathing from wherever he happened to be in his apartment. Connor took a key from his pants pocket and much to Gavin's surprise opened the door without knocking. He had figured Connor to be more polite than that, but as it was looks could be deceiving.

"Richard?" Connor called into the silent apartment as he entered, "Its Connor. I brought Gavin with me. We just want to talk alright? We're worried about you."

Connor had taken his shoes off at the door and set them aside, so Gavin copied the action. He knew they wouldn't receive a verbal response, but the lack of movement worried him. He let Connor take point because he knew the apartment better, and Gavin figured seeing his brother might keep Richard from freaking out too much.

The living room and kitchen areas were both empty. The items and furniture in them in such specific places that they looked sterile and unlived in. Not even a dish out of place. No wonder his first visit to Gavin's place had made him panic. Connor continued down the hall, the first two rooms were empty, one was a bathroom and the other a makeshift office. Both as clean and sterile as the rest of the apartment, it was unsettling. There was a third door at the end that was closed, this one Connor knocked on before opening.

The lights were off and the curtains closed though they weren't thick enough to block out the light. There was a lump curled up under the covers that was most likely Richard.

"I'm going to turn the light on." Connor warned gently, giving Richard time to acknowledge it, though he didn't respond, before turning on the light.

The room was a mess, not just in relation to the sterile clean of the rest of the apartment, but an actual mess. Clothes were scattered on the floor and piled on the bed, pulled from the closet and dresser from the looks of it. Not that Gavin had too much time to observe it. After the light came on Richard sat up in bed, blue eyes locked on Gavin, pain and anger fighting for control in them.

'Get Out!' He signed, 'Leave!'

Gavin flinched and took a half step back, but otherwise held his ground, he didn't understand why Richard was angry with him. It was the most emotion he'd ever seen from him. It wrapped his whole body, darkened his eyes and made him look dangerous. Being the cause of such a visceral reaction cut Gavin to his core. It shook his resolve almost to the point of shattering it. This was personal after all, the text to the contrary was Richard trying to keep the peace like he always did. Gavin should have listened.

"Can... can you at least tell me what I did wrong?" Gavin was looking everywhere but in Richard's eyes, settling on his hands as he began to sign.

'You Lie. Not My Friend. Only Want Teacher.'

Hurt flared even more violently in Gavin's chest and he shrank in on himself, "I... you're my friend Richard. I never meant for you to feel like this. I want to fix it."

'LIAR!' Gavin's eyes snapped up to Richard's when he heard a choked off sob. Tears were spilling down Richard's cheeks and it was Gavin's fault, 'Not My Friend. Now Leave.'

"Alright. If you want me to go, I will." Gavin's voice wavered, tears pressing at the back of his eyes threatening to spill over, but Connor cut him off before he could continue his apology.

"No Richard, he stays." Connor had moved to the edge of Richard's bed at some point and was holding a notebook, reading whatever was on the page, "he was the one that said we should come by. He cares about you and is worried for you."

Richard seemed to notice what Connor had in his hand and lunged for it. Connor stepped away from the bed tucking the notebook to his chest.

Richard signed something at Connor that Gavin didn't see enough of to catch or understand. Connor didn't respond right away walking toward Gavin instead.

"I am going to show him Nines, it is about him after all." Connor's tone wasn't condescending, but it still sounded like he was speaking to a child, "you have said your piece. Gavin deserves a chance to say his."

Connor handed the notebook to Gavin and he held it like it was something precious. He turned it over so he could read the page, and immediately wished he hadn't. There. In Richard's near perfect handwriting was 'he doesn't like me' written repeatedly, getting less legible as it went down the page, tear stained in some places. On the bottom most line 'Gavin hates me' was written in blocky capital letters. Gavin shook his head like that would somehow change the words. He looked back at Richard and the dam broke, his tears spilling over and down his face.

"I... I dont hate you. And I'm so, so sorry for whatever I did that made it seem that way." He sniffled disgustingly and wiped at his eyes with his sweatshirt sleeve.

Richard's hands were shaking badly and Gavin couldn't read his signs, he looked at Connor desperate to understand what he was being told. Connor spoke once Richard's hands came to a stop.

"You stayed, no one ever stays. Not for me." Connor paused, sounding as though he was on the verge of tears himself, "I'm not worth the effort. Its too difficult to communicate with me. So no one stays. People don't like me. I am not worth knowing."

Gavin balked at that. Sure Richard wasn't friendly outwardly, but he showed his kindness in other ways.

"I stayed because I like you. You're smart, quick with a joke and nice to have around." He took a breath taking a few tentative steps toward the bed keeping the notebook close, "I'm not the easiest to get along with either, and people aren't quick to hang around. But you did."

'You Taught Me Your Language.' Gavin signed hoping to convey how much that act alone had meant to him.

Richard's hands went flying, signing at a speed Gavin couldn't hope to understand. He was apparently operating under the assumption that Connor would continue to act as their translator.

"You don't know me." Connor paused letting Richard sign more of his thoughts before continuing, "I am not my brothers, I am not kind. People are difficult and they cause me stress. You do not, being around you is nice. I'm not used to it, it scares me."

Gavin set the notebook on the bed and Richard was quick to grab it.

"You're right I dont know you all that well, but I still let you into my home, showed you my cat and let you eat your way through my fridge. I only tolerate that kind of behavior from my friends." He took a breath having found his footing and barreled forward. He would lose his nerve if he stopped now, "you're right. You aren't Connor and that's what I like about you."

Connor let out a sound that was something between a laugh and an offended scoff. Gavin kept talking.

"You're Richard. You leave me on read until I send you pictures of Frankie. You text me at ass o'clock in the morning because you think that if you're awake I need to be too. You come to my rescue when I get in over my head. You push me to be better, and I need that more than you know. So you're absolutely right, I may not know you well, but I wouldn't be adverse to trying."

Richard stared at him owlishly in a way that did remind him of Connor. Gavin was beginning to get uncomfortable, he wasn't good at talking about his feelings and he didn't want Richard to feel pressured by his apparent diarrhea of the mouth.

Richard picked up the notebook turning to a clean page. He shuffled things around on his nightstand until he came away with a pen. He wrote something down quickly and showed it to Gavin.

'Do you mean it?'

"Of course I mean it dipshit." Gavin cracked a watery smile, "I may be many things, but a liar isn't one of them."

More writing, scratching out whatever he had put down, not liking it and then trying again. Gavin ignored the previous two attempts, and read the third.

'Thank you Gavin. It means more than you know. I am sorry I worried you but having friends is difficult and scary. I will try not to do this again but I can't promise anything.'

Gavin shook his head, "then dont promise. Ask for help. Connor is here for you, I havent met your other brother but I'm sure he is too, and so am I. You aren't alone. Not anymore."

Richard still looked unsure of himself. He looked between Gavin and Connor as though he expected one of them to take it back, when neither one did he gave a phantom of a smile. Things weren't better and it might be a long while before they were. Richard was fighting something big and he'd been fighting it for a while. The difference now, was that he wasn't fighting it alone.

#A Hand in the Matter #reed900 #gavin reed #dbh gavin #d:bh gavin #rk900 #nines #dbh nines #nonverbal nines #dbh #d:bh #dbh connor #rk800 #connor rk800

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goddess-of-geeks · 3 years

Text

Grace and Power pt. 5

The truth comes out

A/N: I’m sorry this took so long. I guess I’ll be updating this story every week instead of every other day, sincere apologies to those who have waited so long.

Word Count: 2635

Warning: Avatar: the Last Airbender is rated pg-13, so they are allowed on f-bomb. Naturally, I gave it to the reader. So I guess the warning is language.

Pt. 4

~~~

You were laying in bed trying to sleep away the nerves. The thought of going back to the Fire Nation made your stomach feel squirmy.

You were originally in your room to get away from Iroh and his constant teasing about you and Zuko. He saw the both of you on the deck earlier, and him being the greatest Uncle in the world decided that bringing it up at every moment would be for the best.

That left you in your room, alone with your thoughts, laying in bed, having a panic attack.

You felt the ship move and you fell off of your bed and onto your floor. The ship continued to sway, and you had to idea why. You heard a crash near the back of the ship and quickly got to your feet. With the ship in constant motion it was hard to stay in balance, but to the best of your ability you ran to the deck.

You slammed open the door to the deck the same time the Engine Master shouted about the broken engine.

“Do not stop this ship.” You heard Zuko shout.

As the ship began to steady. You ran up to the prince to see what you were dealing with.

“Is that a blockade?” You asked in an alarmed voice. “Are we really running a blockade, that is throwing fireballs at us?” You continued.

No one seemed willing to answer your question. Not even Zuko.

You looked around at the crew as the thought finally sunk in.

“Okay,” You nodded your head, “So we’re doing this.”

~~~

Somehow, someway, in a miraculous gift of the spirits, you succeeded in not being hit by anymore fireballs.

You clutched the railing of the ship, and spoke with gritted teeth. “If I ever have to go through something like that again. I am forcefully throwing all of you off the ship, and sailing in the opposite direction.” You stated.

You saw how the ships of the blockade up ahead moved towards one another, in an attempt to bar our way.

“We’re on a collision course!” Iroh exclaimed.

“We can make it!” Zuko responded.

“We’re all gonna die.” You said meekly.

As your ship quickly approaches the blockade, you noticed how the other ships seemed to slow down until they hit a complete stop. You ship glides easily through the blockade.

You turned towards the closest ship and saw Commander Zhao.

“Who else but Zhao.” You said under your breath.

You moved from your place on the deck and stood next to Iroh.

You looked over at Zhao once again, you gave him a dark look, one which he returned.

“Why is he letting us pass?” You wondered aloud.

~~~

The crew prepared another much smaller ship that Zuko would use to follow the Avatar.

“I personally think this is a horrid plan, and that you shouldn't go alone.” You said, voicing your opinion.

“Then you should keep your personal thoughts to yourself.” Zuko said.

You looked at the prince for a solid second before you smacked him in the back of the head.

He brought his hand up to where you hit him, and started to rub it to sooth the pain.

“I deserved that didnt I?” He asked.

“Look at you asking the obvious.” You said.

You folded your arms across your chest and gave the prince a look of concern.

“You’re not going alone.” You stated.

Zuko looked at you then at his feet before responding, “Yes, I am.”

You cleared your throat before speaking up, “Let me rephrase that. I won’t allow you to go alone.”

Zuko turned to you and gave you the “Are you serious” look.

“Yes, I am serious. I’m going with you, or you're not going at all.”

Zuko opened his mouth to speak, but you interrupted him.

“That’s final.” You said.

You turned on your heel and walked away from Zuko.

~~~

You stood on the deck with Zuko, and Iroh as the Crew lowered the smaller boat into the waters.

“Uncle,” Zuko said, “Keep heading north. Zhao will follow the smoke trail while I-”

“While We use it as a cover.” You said interrupting the prince.

The prince gave you a hard look before speaking up.

“I don’t want you coming with me.” He said.

“I don’t want you going alone.” You retorted.

“Why won’t you allow me to go alone?” he asked you.

“Because you’re a foolish idiot, and I don’t want you getting hurt.” You answered simply.

“Why won’t you allow me to go with you?” You asked Zuko.

“Because you’re a little girl, and I don’t want you getting hurt.” Zuko responded.

You laughed humorlessly.

“Oh please Zuzu. You and I both know you’re not foolish enough to underestimate my abilities. So what’s the real reason you don’t want me to come with you?”

Zuko didn’t answer.

“Well since you don’t know, and I don't know. Then I’m going with you whether you like it or not.” You finished.

You boarded the smaller ship, Zuko stepping in after you.

“If you get hurt, I’m leaving you behind.” Zuko said.

“I love you two, Zuzu.” You said with a smile on your face.

~~~

As you and Zuko approached the island you started to wonder aloud.

“What if Zhao isn’t fooled by the smoke trail?” You said, turning to Zuko.

“Trust me Zhao isn’t the smartest man in the world.”

“Oh, I knew that. I kinda worked under him for two weeks.” You responded to the prince. “But he has proven to be smarter than most people are made to believe.” You finished.

You and the prince sat in silence.

“Let’s hope he doesn’t get lucky then.”

~~~

You and Zuko quietly crept up the steps of the temple.

“I hate to say this Zuzu,” You whispered, “But this is by far one of the dumbest things I’ve ever lived to see you do.”

As you reached the top of the stairs you noticed how the Avatar’s companions were attacking the fire sages.

“Hurry up and grab the boy.” You whispered to Zuko.

Zuko snuck to the side of the small boy before he ambushed him from behind.

Zuko held the Avatars arms behind his back. You noticed how the boy seemed to struggle.

“Aang! Now’s your chance!” You heard a girl yell.

Zuko walked into the line of view of the girl, avatar in his grasp.

“The Avatar’s coming with me!” He announced.

You saw how the odds quickly turned against the Avatar and his companions, as the other firesages grabbed the upper hand and tied the two water tribe members to the nearest column.

Your eyes quickly went back to Zuko, but you noticed how the Avatar made several swift moves that knocked Zuko out of balance.The air-bender kicked Zuko down the stairs and turned towards the closing doors.

You caught the prince in your arms when the doors sealed shut.

Zuko quickly pulled himself out of your arms and towards the other Fire Sages.

You soon followed after muttering a quick, “A thank you would have been nice.” under your breath.

You leaned yourself against one of the columns, and watched as the prince gave orders to the fire sages.

“What are you just standing there for? Help me open that door.” He commanded the sages.

4 of the sages and Zuko assume fire bending stances. They shoot 5 simultaneous blasts at the door. This time the locking mechanisms do not respond.

“Why isn’t it working? It’s sealed shut!” Zuko exclaimed.

“It must have been the light. Avatar Roku doesn't want us inside.” One of the sages spoke up.

“Well this has been a lovely expedition.” You said, standing up to your fullest height. “Why don’t we head back to the ship.” You suggested to the prince.

“No. We’re not leaving till the Avatar comes out of that room.” Zuko stated.

You groaned and slid down the column till you hit the floor.

“I should've stayed on the ship.” You mumbled to yourself.

Zuko turned on his heel and began marching towards the traitorous fire sage.

The sage was kneeling on the floor with his hand tied behind his back. The other 4 sages stood behind him.

“Why did you help the Avatar?” Zuko interrogated the Sage.

“That’s a stupid question.” You said before the sage could speak up.

“What?” Zuko asked, turning towards you.

You rolled your eyes, “Honestly Zuzu how do you expect yourself to run this nation if you know a nice amount of nothing about it.” You turned your head to look at the prince, “It’s kinda disappointing really.”

Zuko ignored your statement and turned towards the sage once again.

“Why did you help the Avatar?” Zuko asked once again.

“Because it was once the Sages’ duty.” The sage answered. “It is still our duty.” He finished.

You heard the sound of footsteps and clapping, you immediately jumped to your feet.

Zhao and his soldiers approached Zuko from behind.

“What a moving and heartfelt performance” Zhao said, “I’m certain the Fire Lord will understand why you betrayed him.”

The 4 sages bowed at the newcomer whilst you and Zuko stood tall.

“And Prince Zuko,” Zhao said, turning his attention towards the prince, “it was a noble effort. But your little smoke screen didn't work. Three traitors,” Zhao turned to look towards you, “in one day, the Fire Lord will be pleased.”

You saw one of Zhaos’ soldiers move towards Zuko and grab him. You saw another move towards you. But before he could get his hands on you, you pulled your katana from your sheath on your hip, and pointed the tip at the soldier's throat.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you Zhao, and co.” You said, “But, I’ll slit all of your throats before I face the Fire Lord again.” You stated.

“What do you mean ‘again’ ” Zuko asked, while he was still being restrained.

Your stance faltered and your eyes widened.

“I mean… uh…mmmhh…” You sputtered.

While in your distracted state the Fire Soldier kicked your katana out of your hand.

You looked down and watched as the metal blade clattered on the floor.

“Fuc-”

~~~

You and Zuko found yourselves in chains on a column next to the Avatars companions.

“When those doors open, unleash all of your firebending power.” Zhao commanded his troops.

“Well… seems like we’re gonna be here for a while.” You said.

“Even under my command you never knew when to shut up.” Zhao said as he approached you and Zuko.

“You know Zhao, even as a high ranking commander in the fire nation army, you really are just a deadbeat, low life, good for nothing, waste of space.” You spoke up.

You saw the fire flare in Zhao’s eyes.

He grabbed you by the collar of your shirt and pulled you towards him. He brought his other hand towards your face. A flame dancing in his palm.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t give you and your little boyfriend matching scars.” Zhao threatened through gritted teeth.

“Whatever you do to her Zhao, I will release on you tenfold.” Zuko said, you could see the anger in his eyes.

However you didn’t flinch at Zhao's fire. You trained with Azula during Zuko’s years of banishment, a meek flame such as Zhaos could never scare you.

“You know I don’t really understand how you got to a ranking as high as commander. A sixteen year old bested you in an agni kai. You might as well turn in your uniform now. Nothing can spare you from that embarrassment.” Zhao gripped your collar tighter and the flame in his hands grew hotter. You felt beads of sweat form on the side of your face but you didn't let that distract you.

“Who do you think you are to insult me.” Zhao said.

“The future Fire Lady.” You said without hesitation.

You saw the look of surprise coat Zuko’s face out of the corner of your eye.

“Or the youngest general in the Fire Nation army.” You continued. “Whichever comes first really.”

A nasty smirk appeared on Zhaos face, and he began a humorless chuckle. He let go of your collar and extinguished the flame in his hand before standing upright.

“How could you, the banished girl, ever become a general in the Fire Nation army, let alone the Fire Lady.”

You looked away from Zhao as he turned on his heel to march back to his men.

“That’s why you left the Fire Nation.” Zuko said, turning his head to look at you. “You were banished.” He stated.

“Wow! Thank you, Prince Zuko, for pointing out the obvious!” You said with mock excitement.

You brought your attention back to Zhao and his men. You wanted to do the best you could to distract Zhao from harming that little air bender, even if he did kick Zuko down some stairs.

“I knew you were war criminal Zhao,” You spoke up once again, “buy only a true monster could ever hope to release the power of 9 fire benders against a harmless 12 year old boy.”

Zhao scoffed at your statement, “I wouldn’t exactly use the term ‘Harmless’ to describe the Avatar.”

You narrowed your eyes at Zhao, “Avatar or not. No one that young deserves to go through so much pain for something out of their control.”

Your eyes softened and you turned your head to look at the scarred boy next to you.

“No one deserves to go through that pain.”

You finished your sentence as the doors to the Avatars sanctuary began to open.

“Zhao think about what you’re doing!” You shouted at the same time one of the Avatars companions, the water tribe girl, yelled out, “No! Aang!”

Zhao ignored both of your pleas and ordered his men to fire and the Avatar.

Zhao and his men shot fire blasts into the sanctuary.

But somehow the fire blast didn't enter the sanctuary. The fire was being manipulated to be held at the door and turned into a giant ball of fire. The fire ball slowly begins to open. Standing there, eyes aglow, at the hearth of the fire was none other than Avatar Roku himself.

“Avatar Roku!” One of the fire sages calles out.

Avatar Roku pulls the fire in towards himself before extending out into the room. You flinched away expecting the fire to burn you, but instead it melted the metal chains that kept you and Zuko bound to the column. You turned and saw as the chains were also melted off the young air benders’ companions.You stood there in shock, questions of why the Avatar set you free were swarming a mile a minute in your brain.

You were pulled from your trance, and your spot on the floor, when Zuko grabbed your wrist and ran.

~~~

You and Zuko were once again on the safety of the ship. You watched as the island submerged itself into the hot magma. Whilst Zuko watched the Avatar get away on his flying bison.

“It doesn’t make sense.” You said finally voicing your thoughts.

“What doesn't make sense?” Zuko questioned you, lowering the spying glass from his eye.

“Why did Avatar Roku set us free, if he knew we were a threat to the new Avatars safety?” You wondered, tilting your head towards the young prince.

Zuko was quiet for a moment, thinking about your question, before he spoke up. “I don’t know why he did it.” He said, “But don’t think I’ve forgotten this new information about you.”

“Pardon?” You said.

“You were banished from the Fire Nation.” Zuko said, “And you’re going to tell me why.”

You turned your head away from Zuko. You prayed to the spirits that Iroh would be picking you and Zuko up soon.

~~~

Master list

Taglist form

#atla #atla fanfic #atla zuko #fire lord zuko #prince zuko x reader #zuko x reader #zuko x you #zuko fanfic #zuko imagine

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tendoki · 4 years

Note

Gaaaaaaaaahh tendou is such a baby, can you do a romantic comfort hug with him and s/o. Sorry if too vague

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he is a baby !!! and no worries!! them being vague is perfectly fine, kinda lets me engage in some self indulgence :)

this is way more dramatic and sad than i originally planned djieneie

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Labefaction - Tendou . S

-> Genre: Angst, Comfort

-> Warnings: self deprecation, panic attacks, allusions to the current pandemic, a fight is mentioned, reader is scared of further conflict with tendou (you're upset and not willing to continue the fight, no abusive satori in MY swamp), references to hell, this was gonna be a whole different scenario but I wrote it at 5am and starting really digging deep into sad?? tendous defense mechanism doubles as an attack, lowercase letters and probably wrong use of punctuation BayBee!!!

"Baby?"

Your boyfriend stood at the bedroom door, the light behind him creating a halo around his figure; though in that moment, gawking at him was the least of your concerns,

And it was for the better, as he didnt give you much a chance to admire the view anyway, instead rushing to your side and placing a comforting hand on your back. You didnt try to make eye contact, not at all willing to see the worry and pity that his cupreous irises would hold

his grip on your arm tightened, and slender fingers made their way to your jaw, gently tugging your chin toward him as he leaned over you awkwardly; the hand on your back was moving now, in small, circular motions you'd expect to use when comforting a skittish child, it didnt help tame the flood of insecurity that had so easily broken the dam of logical thinking in your mind

the hand on your jaw had migrated to your cheek, and again, Tendou began tugging you toward him, his arm now wrapped around your midriff and face burrowing in your hair, whispering words of praise and apology you didnt care to hear, not when a storm of fury was roaring so loud in your ears. hes treating you like a child, like you're someone less than him, a needy little brat that needs consoling after a telling off; you still hadnt calmed down from the fight, Satori was a mostly agreeable lover, but he loved to test your limits and was stubborn when confronted about it. he had gone too far this time, and he had known it, but like many other instances, was reluctant to admit to and apologize for the snide comments he had made.

they werent a big deal, if this was an isolated incident, youd totally agree that you were being dramatic and immature; but combined with the ever gnawing uncertainty of when normal life would presume and the increase of fights between the two of you, something in you had just snapped, the hard resolve you had developed after years of dating Tendou and putting up with his provocations had collapsed. Your face, already chalked with stress and exhaustion had only fallen further, and you excused yourself from the couch to the bedroom you two shared, at least had shared, before you began taking on extra work, if only to battle against the heavy weight of feeling useless.

your fists clenched, even now, you were just proving him right, sobbing into your shirt as the words spoken soaked into your skin, travelling through your blood like venom. you were fragile, and petty, and inconsiderate and childish, brainless, revolting, cruel and-

"baby look at me, please?"

you hadnt realised you were hyperventilating until his voice had cut through the air for the second time that night; though his tone was different now, a lot calmer, quieter and much less hateful. his body wasnt tense as it was earlier, and the desperate way he seemed to tug you towards him almost made up for the abruptness of him jerking away earlier, as if your touch was something truly so revolting to even fathom

you were still upset though, you understood, in theory. you knew it was just a defense mechanism, you knew he was just upset that you had blown him off to work all day, that he was just lashing out because of his own stress, but you also knew that he had no business being so... horrible about it. both of you were struggling, and neither was stable, but Tendou had enough sense to see that he had blown this out of proportion and reacted too extremely to something so minor.

"baby, darling, doll, sweets, please look at me"

he was beginning to get frantic now, for him to have given his partner a panic attack when things were already so uncertain was deplorable, god, he could feel the flames of Hell licking at his face already, smell the ash and hear the anguished screams that would surely mark his entrance.

finally, you listened, and your head turned to him, eyes desperately searching his visage for any sign of anger, terrified that he'd turn on you as quickly as he had only an hour or so earlier.

the second your eyes met his, you slumped into him, clawing at his shirt as you tried to resist the sobs and shakes overtaking your body. Tendou adjusted you, carefully placing you between his legs, now with both arms coiled securely around you, his own cries muffled by your shoulder. you dragged him toward you, your own arms locked around his neck, refusing him the choice of leaving this bed, of leaving you.

the two of you remained in that position for what seemed like hours, sniffles piercing through shaky inhales and promises of change in both of your behaviours.

you sat there, a leaky tap being the only thing daring to interrupt the murmurs and sputtering gasps as you collected yourselves. it was just the two of you, desperately clinging on to the other as the world seemed to fall apart around you.

#tendou satori x reader #tendou satori #tendou x reader #hq #haikyuu #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #comfort #angst

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stellarune · 4 years

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ok but i am a firm advocate of the enby keefe headcanon, and so, dadwin with demiboi keefe hc go

first off, keefe is comfy with he/him AND they/them most of the time

they/them always works thoigh, on the few days the Dysphoria Is Strong

so they dont really feel the need to come out to their friends about their gender bc they dont mind he/him, and o. the few days they do, they can just blame it on a bad night of sleep or something

he does really want to grow his hair out though

and hes very afraid of telling elwin because the time he asked his parents ended quite badly for him

they end up telling elwin on a very bad dysphoria day where they just wqnt to say fuck it and be done with it

theyre kinda phased by the lack of reaction from elwin who is just like "yeah i had long hair when in the golden tower too" *shrugs*

it takes a while, even with some elixirs for it to get to a lenght they like, but theyre so happy when they can braid it however they want, make any hairstyle really

biana loves it and always asks to do his hair, and he always says yes even if that day is a masc day

he wishes he could tell her

he almost does a few times but stops himsemf everytime

he knows she wouldnt mind, linh had came out as enby months earlier and it had been ok but you know, impostor syndrom, anxiety and i ternalized transphobia

he comes out to linh first

it seems like the logical choice, to come to the other trans person

ofc, linhs only questions are about pronouns and name

still, it takes him a few minutes for his hands to start checking, evne after she hugs them

they come out to biana next

relly, they feel like fitz would have been the nzxt logical step, but they just dont feel like its as much of a secret as it is between them and bianat

hey feel like theyre holding somethi.g back everytime biana does their hair a.d the last time they felt like that they were planning on joining the neverseen

biana also asks what their pronouns are, and if she should change anything in the way she does their hair

its a smol moment, and ghey know biana gives them all her support by the little purple and yellow beads in their hair (sophie showing them flags had been the best idea)

dex sees their hair, and gives them a thumbs up and a high five when they see eachother

keefe recieves a text asking for pronouns, name and when he could use them

tam just knows

no one knows how, bc keefe didnt tell h and he didnt see their hair that day or anhthing, but on every bad dysphoria day, tam either only uses keefes name or they/them

fitz and sophie ate entirely oblivious

they miterally dont notice eveyone using they/them that one time

bi, dex, and the twins have a betting pool

keefe joins when he hears wind of it

he does end up telling them, because honestly, its been at least a month since every bet has been unvalidated and he jist knows theyll never figure it out on their own

"i love you bro, it does change anything wait can i still call you bro ?"

"how did i miss this ? like, how ?"

sophie just keeps asking herself how she missed it even as she hugs him.

shes still mumbling under her breath afterwards, but keefe knows it doesnt change anytjing atvall for her, he can literally feel it

he doesnt tell elwin

he wants to, he does, but this is the one good thing in his life hes afraid to lose more than anytjing

je knows elwin will suport him, but theres still that part of him just sxreaming to suck it up and not sqy anything

turns out he doesnt need to, even though he does.t realize it

elwin picked up pretty early on on the occasionnal they thrown keefes way

he doesnt mention it though because he feels like this is something that should com from jeefe in their own time on their own terms

and they do tell him

they almost have a panic attack while doing so, but elwin is there and rubbing circles on the back of their hand even after they talked about their pronouns and gender and everything and keefe manages to breath

there are a lot of "i love you"s and "im proud of you"sthat day

elwin gets him a pronoun bracelet a few days later because he hates just thinking about misgendering keefe again

a few days later, keefe asks him to tell the rest of the relevant adults

jjst, demiboi keefe being happy with a supportive family

#kotlc #keefe sencen #dadwin #background kinda #demiboy keefe #headcanons

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backtobackbakubabe · 4 years

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Stuck in the Middle with You (Part 2)

Bakugo x Reader

Reader is a closet couponer and when word started spreading that there was going to be a mandatory quarantine to fend off a virus you weren't worried. You had enough supplies to last for months. However it wasn't until now that you realized you had no idea how to cook and you relied on take out and fast food for most of your meals. The only person who knew about your crazy couponing habit was Bakugo, so when he called and asked if he could raid your stash you got an idea.

Words: 2054

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You tried not to moan as you took your first bite of Bakugo’s pancakes. They were so delicious, but you didn’t want to add to his already huge ego. For the most part you both are in silence, locking eyes every so often before immediately looking anywhere else but at each other. There was still some awkward tension between the two of you. He had kissed you, like actually kissed you but neither of you wanted to be the one to bring it up.

You knew he only did it to try and help you through your panic attack. There was no way he would have done it for any other reason. He was Bakugo after all and you weren't even convinced that he even liked you as a friend. Sure he always attended movie nights, and yeah he brought you coupons. But that was it. The two of you never hung out one on one and you rarely spoke to each other over the phone. You had known the man for years and you didn’t know a damm thing about him.

It wasnt until he cleared his thought that you realized you had been staring at him, “Do I need to teach you manners as well as cooking? Lesson number one, don’t stare at people.”

You snorted, “Oh that’s rich. A lesson on manners from the same person who manages to find a way to insult anyone who dares try and speak to him.”

He slammed his fork down, “Well at least I wasn't the one staring at another person practically drooling while they ate!”

You stood up and tossed your plate into the sink, “I was not drooling! I was just thinking...”

Bakugo came up behind you and rinsed your dish as well as his before putting them in the dish washer, “You really shouldn't leave dishes in the sink. Its a bad habbit...”

When you didnt answer he took a deep breath, “If we’re going to be stuck here then we should probably at least try and get along.”

Again you were struck by how little you knew about him. How had you been friends with him for this long and not know anything about him.

He groaned, “Are you even fucking listening to me?”

You nodded and pinched the bridge of you nose, “Yeah sorry, just was thinking again... I can be kind of spacey.”

He softened a bit before leaning on the counter next to you, “So I’ve noticed... What are you thinking about?”

You blushed slightly before regaining your composure, “Honestly you... Not anything weird... It’s just. Well I feel like I actually don’t know much about you. Like are you a morning person? Whats your favorite color? What kind of movies do you like? I know none of that seems important but for some reason it just weirds me out that I dont know.”

Bakugo scratched the back of his neck, “Well I mean you never asked...”

You hopped up on the kitchen counter and swung your legs that were now dangling, “Okay well to be fair that can go both ways. I’m sure you don’t know anything about me either.”

He seemed to think for a minute before nodding, “Well I guess it’s a good thing we have some time to catch up. Just promise me that what you learn stays between us. I dont need any fucking extras thinking they know me.”

You rolled your eyes at his abrasiveness. “How about you pick something to watch and I’ll go raid my closet for things you could wear. I doubt you want to wear the same clothes every day for the foreseeable future.”

“Tsk as if I’d wear girls clothes. The director from my hero agency said he’d send someone over with some clothes. It’ll probably just be a bunch of training gear with the agencies logo on it but I guess beggars cant be choosers.”

Bakugo was right because halfway through “Gladiator” a man showed up with a duffle bag full of grey and black shirts, shorts, and sweats with his agencies logo on it. They were all still wrapped in plastic just to be safe.

He threw the bag full of clothes behind the couch and reclaimed his spot next to you. You were bundled up in a blanket, trying not to fall asleep but you were drained after your episode earlier. It was only a little after 8 and you could feel your eye lids growing heavier.

At some point you woke up and to your horror you were leaning on Bakugo. You would have panicked except you could feel his arm draped around your shoulders holding you to him. This was odd. You slowly sat up and stretched. “Sorry. You could have pushed me off. I wouldn't have blamed you. Especially with social distancing or whatever.”

He chuckled, “Oh believe me I thought about it. But you were cold and if we stuck together I cant have you getting sick.”

You saw a slight blush creep up his neck. You knew there was no way you would have gotten sick from being chilly in your own living room. But you also knew he was probably more comfortable doing something nice if he had an excuse. So you game him a genuine smile. “Thanks. I’ll be honest that's the best nap I’ve ever had. Well best I’ve slept in months actually. I’m always tossing and turning.” You turned off the tv that was now playing the credits. You had seriously slept through the entire second half of the movie.

You walked over and started pulling out pillows and blankets from the hall closet. “You can sleep on the couch. It pulls out into a bed but honestly its more comfortable if you just sleep on it normally. We can take turns sleeping in the bed if you’re here long enough.”

He accepted the blankets but held tight to your hand. “Hey you know I meant it earlier when I said you could talk to me. I’m the last person to voluntarily open up about my feelings, but you know... I worry about you sometimes.”

You plopped down on the couch with a huge sigh. “I appreciate your concern. But I wouldn't even know where to begin... I’m just... I don’t know. I’m fine.”

Bakugo took a seat next to you, “You’re what? Smart? Strong? Badass? Because those are the first words that come to mind when I think of you...”

You could feel your eyes prick with unshed tears. “Well those are definitely not high on the list of adjectives I would consider for myself. More like small, scared, and incompetent.” You leaned your head back on the couch and stared at the ceiling.

Bakugo crossed his arms over his chest in mild frustration. “Why? That couldn’t be further from the truth! Well except the small thing. You are kinda little. But last I checked that wasn’t a bad thing. If anything... its kinda.... cute.”

You looked up expecting to see him blushing. But instead you saw him giving you a nervous smile. You wiped a tear from the corner of your eyes and returned his smile, “Well you know how my quirk can be really vague? I only get fragments of the truth and even then it’s up to me to decide what they mean... That’s a lot of pressure. I cant be wrong. Ever. And there was this one time when I was a child... I was living with my mom.. I interpreted something wrong and someone died because of it. That kind of thing sticks with you.”

Bakugo reached out and took your hand, “Is that why you decided not to be a hero?”

You nodded as you wiped away another tear, “Yeah. Now I work behind a desk, looking at files, and no body gets hurt.”

Bakugo surprised you by pulling you to him and giving you a tight hug. “I’m going to say something and you better not ever repeat it.... But I was always nervous to spar against you. You always seemed to be able to read me like a book. You worked harder than the rest of us including me. You were always in the gym or the library. I’m not saying I don’t understand your decision. I just want you to know that I think you would have been great.”

You leaned into his hug, “Thank you... for everything today. For helping through my panic attack, for making me dinner, for hanging out with me. I know you say you didnt have a choice. But you really are a great friend.”

You both laid there on the couch. Bakugo holding onto you taking deep breaths, “You want to talk about earlier? You dont have to but it might help me out to know what might trigger you if we’re going to be stuck here.”

You buried your face into his chest. “I dont really want to talk about it. But I will say I dont do very well when I feel trapped, especially if I have to be alone.”

He gave you a quick squeeze, “You going to be okay alone tonight?”

You sat up and swatted as his chest, “Bakugo Katsuki! Did you just ask if you could spend the night with me?”

He rolled his eyed before he pushed you off the couch. “Sorry for being concerned. I promise it’ll never happen again. Next time I’ll just let you suffer.”

You giggled, “There’s the Bakugo I know.” You started your trek up the stairs to your room calling a goodnight over your shoulder to the man who was getting cozy on your couch. When you had woken up this morning there was no way you could have predicted your day would end up like this. You didn’t know what was harder to believe, the lockdown, or the fact that Bakugo was a secret softy.

You were already so exhausted that it was hard for you to fall asleep. The hard part was staying asleep. You woke up several times, tossing and turning. Your anxiety was truly kicking your ass tonight. At one point you felt compelled to go and check that Bakugo was still there. Not that it would make any difference. There’s no way your insomnia would magically be cured by knowing that Bakugo was still there.

But logic wasnt on your side tonight.

You wrapped yourself in a towel and tip toes across the cold hardwood floor. You tried really hard to be silent, slowly making your way down the stairs. It was so dark, but you could just make out the silhouette of his rising and falling chest. At least he could sleep.

After you had satisfied your irrational need to make sure he was still there you stood and turned to go back up the stairs. You were almost to the top when the board groaned under your foot. You froze.

“Y/n?” Bakugo slowly sat up. “Y/n what are you doing up?” He picked up his phone and groaned. “Y/n it’s four in the morning!” You remained frozen to your spot on the stairs. “Y/n I can see you... Are you okay?”

You sighed, “I’m fine, I was just having a hard time sleeping again. Its nothing new. Go back to sleep.”

He stood up and wrapped the blanket around his half asleep form. He slowly made his way up the stairs. When he got to you he didnt stop but kept walking towards your room. He only paused when he got to the door. “Are you coming or not?”

You silently nodded and joined him in your room. He laid down on the floor next to your bed, which looked extremely uncomfortable. “You sure you’re going to be okay down there?”

He scoffed, “Of course I’ll be okay. I’m no cry baby.”

You rolled your eyed and threw a pillow at him, “At lest take a pillow!”

He muttered something under his breath but excepted the pillow none the less.

You rolled over and pulled the covers up to your chin, “Thank you Bakugo.”

“You’re welcome smalls.”

Smalls.... It was a nickname he had used during your time at UA. You used to hate it but after tonights confession, you found it endearing.

#bakugo #bakugo katsuki #Katsuki Bakugō #bhna bakugou #bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #bakugo imagine #bnha #bnha fanfiction #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #bnha bakugo katsuki #mha #mha imagines #mha bakugou #mha x reader #mha x y/n #my hero academia

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 4 years

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What You Deserve

A/N- This is not actually part of the story, its a unused story that I spent a couple weeks writing so I didnt have the heart to delete it although I scrapped it from the original story line. So please know that I did use some of these scenes in my rewrite.

Summary- 5.7k Curtis Evertt and Y/N. Early Years. You sit with a dying member of the train and listen to her talk about her late husband, and the idea of Soulmates crosses your mind. Do they exist?

Warnings- Death, Almost a Non Con situation. Curtis having doubts that hes good enough. Boom, got them all I think.

You sat with the older woman, Sheri for some time that day, perched on the end of her bunk, one leg folded underneath you and one dangling over the edge, her hand interlaced with your own. Sheri was dying your mother informed you that morning, and you simply couldnt let her pass off all alone. Your fingers interlaced with hers in that moment, yours young soft and supple, to her knobby jointed ones, age spots sprinkled across what felt like paper thin softness, like you press to hard it would fall apart. Every now and then a weak wet cough would spring forth, and you would lean forward to pat her mouth softly of any spittle that happened to escape. It was the least you could do for her, try to let her keep her dignity.

“Child, you shouldnt be here watching this.” Sheri would sputter, hazy eyes narrowing at you, knowing you wouldnt leave even if she was to send you away.

You shrugged, and resettled the blankets. “Where else would I go Sheri? Mom and Dad have everything all set in the medic bay, and I got lonely. Who better to keep me company?”

She snorted and coughed once more, raising her hand to wipe at her mouth before you could. “Hmmm, well Curtis comes to mind.”

You blush a bit and look away, which she grinned seeing your lovesick reaction. “Uh huh... Sheri, hes just a friend. And hes got better things to do. Like getting ready with McGregor.” Sheri rolled her eyes at you, and shifted to make herself more comfortable. “Child, ive see the way you two look at one another. I might be old, Im not blind. If you two would just admit your feelings are more then friends, then who knows. Might be the best thing you ever experience. I remember when I told Nathan how I felt. He was all stumbling over his words, spilling it as well.”

You chuckle at her memory, remembering Nathan well when you first came on the train, he was fiercly protective of his wife, and doted on Sheri, loved her with his last breath. You encourage her to speak more of her past, how Nathan and her had a whirlwind romance that ended with the two of them eloping. How when her father found out, he banned her from the house, and the first home she shared with Nathan was nothing more then a room with a bathroom, it was all they needed to start. “It got better, he was accepted to a university, and worked as a janitor at night, I was a waitress in a small off the interstate diner, along with babysitting. It was hard, but we appreciated all that we had.” Sheris eyes slipped closed and she mumbled. “Okay, Im gonna nap now, come back later Y/N, and we will talk some more.” the womans head tipped to the side, and you stayed long enough to be sure she was sleeping.

Drawing your way out, you are sure to slide the curtain closed for her privacy, and start making another round to see to other people, chat with them, just see if they need anything in general. You dont notice the wandering eyes following you, weaving through the people till you got to a quiter part of the tail end. You didnt notice, not until its to late when an arm shoots out in front of you, making you pause momentarily as it blocked you. “What the... Eric, what do you want?” You try to duck under his arm, but the mans grasp on your arm pauses you. A glance his way showed a handsome young man, blond locks curling around green eyes, that glinted coldly at you, and he firmly without any choice of your own backed you against the wall. “See youve been playing little home nurse again Y/N”

“Just helping mom and dad, can you please let go?” You try tugging your arm from his grasp and his other hand came up to your face to trace the curve, obviously not ready to loosen his hold, for whatever reason you would clam up around him, your heart fluttering and your breath quickening. Some would think it was innocent attraction. But it was more fear of what he would eventually do to you if given the chance.

“When you going to let me kiss you huh? I dont see why you keep fighting me on this.” He hovered closer, his breath washing over your face and you wrinkle your nose at it. It was hot and sour to you, you tried to pull back but there was no where else to go, so the back of your head would thump against the cold metal wall.

“Im not, I dont want to and you cant change my mind.” You wriggle once more trying to get him to stop digging into your arm. “So how about you go find one of the other girls? I know there are plenty who want to be with you.”

“To easy, I rather like the one who denies me” His voice dropped deeper, making you panic sightly. His eyes, you hated the way he would stare at you, following you from wherever he was, like you were a prize to be had. "I figured it's about time I change your mind about it though." You strain out of his touch on your face and go to push against his chest to stumble him back.

"I said no! Fuck no would I ever be with you, let alone kiss you" you snap at him, turning to leave, put distance between you two, back in a crowd. Eric was to coward to try to anything with people around. He snarled though, wrapping an arm around you.

Effectively he pinned your arms helpless and your back against your chest, falling back harder then you expected, making you helpless, his hand clasped over your mouth, effectively muffling any protests you had. "What you think your to good for someone like me sweetheart. If your good enough to get Curtis's dick wet, think you can mine as well without this much of a fight." Your eyes widened at his words. I haven't, were not, stop... Your panic is washing over you, and he manipulated your head to fall back to his shoulder, lemmegolemmegolemmego, you try twisting out. Then he pressed his face in your neck, and bit you, what started as a sloppy kiss turned into a bruising bite, screaming at the shock of pain and you try kicking him hard enough in the leg behind you to drop him. The tread of your boot slid down the inside of his leg, and he pushed you away from him to crash you against the trains wall, hard enough to bounce you off, making you groan from the harsh impact.

Erics hand whipped you around, effectively pinning you with his body. No way to leverage a kick again, and hands pinned your arms down to keep from attacking. "Fucken shit head!" Your voice raised into yelling at him, where was everyone? It was eerily quiet and no one around, he smirked at your struggles, dawning on you when you saw how turned on, felt how turned on. That foreign bulge dug into your belly. "Keep struggling Y/N, just makes me hard for you, so cute thinking you don't want this."

"Your vile Eric, like those front end pigs" nothing but disgust dripping from your tone, trying to hide your fear. But he knows, it just widens his predatory grin knowing your words were masking the fear coursing through your veins. His lips hovered so close, mocking tone as he brushed them barely against yours, as you tried tilting your face away. “Come on Y/N, just one little kiss for me. Do it and I will let you go.”

You glare at him and spit, right in the fuckers face, it runs down his eyes and nose, and you smirk at him as he starts cussing and wiping his face on his sleeve. “You little fucken cunt whore! Nasty pig think you can get away with that shit?!” His hand releases you and goes to hit you when a grasp catches his wrist, wrenching it back. Both yours and Erics eyes go wide in surprise, and you see Curtis glowering behind him, firmly twisting Erics arm hard, then harder again he snarls out. “She sure as fuck is gonna get away with it. I think she told you no”

Curtis jerked Erics arm further and a crack was followed by Eric screaming and letting you go, you slid away from his grasp, Curtis jerking him forward to take where he had you pinned before. They were evenly matched in size, but Curtis had him crushed between his body and metal, his face distorted as you glanced up. It struck you in this moment just how opposite these two men were. Curtis never once raised his voice in the time youve known him,but he had to raise above Erics squealing out in pain and anger. “When a person tells you no, It fucken mean no. You owe Y/N an apology.” He pulled Eric off the wall, and kicked at the back of his knees to drop him in front of you.

Curtis loomed over him, his arm still firmly twisted up between his shoulder blades, and growled in the mans ear. “Say it, or Im going to wrench it right off your body.”

“Im sorry!” you could see the effort it took Eric to say it, but Curtis clearly wasnt satisfied.

“AGAIN!” This time he really roared, Eric cowering a bit, and remorseful, he started again.

“Im sorry Y/N, I promise to never touch you again!” Curtis glances at you and nods that its okay, he had him firmly and you stepped forward, grasping the mans hair, and tipping his head back.

“Touch me ever again, or ANYONE on this train, your dead, do you hear me Eric? I will have no problem watching you die, either by my hand or another. Am. I. Fucking. CLEAR?”

“Yes! god yes, just let me go, it wont happen again.” Eric pleads, and you step away from Eric, and circle around to Curtis’s side. Shoving him harshly away, Eric rolled to a stand and clutched his arm, racing away as fast as he could. The coward, would probably make up some lie to cover face when he made it to your father went to reset the arm. You stood next to Curtis, still fuming. Your fear from earlier forgotten, now you were just enraged watching where the coward disappeared.

“Hey, he aint gonna try messing with you again.” Curtis let his hand rest against your shoulder, looking down at you. He couldnt help but admire you in your rage and fury. Your cheeks were flushed red, and whisps of your hair curled around your face, your eyes bright as you dragged in air sharply to blow it out. Then you turned your gaze, softening just looking at him, and could see you start to loose that edge of your temper. He did that for you.. Curtis gaze softened in return and you turn into him, sliding your arms around his waist and pressing your face in against his chest.

“Thank you for looking out for me Curtis.” his hands braced against your back and seemed to envelope you. If possible he would just hold you like that for alot longer, but you pulled away, keeping it just friends. Maybe you noticed the way his heart jumped, or the way his throat caught in his throat. And it had been that way for monthes now, seeing you in this whole other way. Since that night you fought him, trying to defy that you would ever eat again. Something shifted that day, and yet he held back from telling you, mentioning it. Honestly he didnt deserve someone like you, for all the blackness in his soul. It was better you two just stay this. Stay friends.

“Your welcome Y/N, I came to let you know Sheri, shes asking for you specifically. Your mom asked me to come get you.” Curtis was about to walk you back, but your eyes widened, and you sprinted up the aisle and out of sight before he could even think to catch up. Unsure of why you were rushing, he followed along behind, and hovered nearby, seeing glimpses of your hair as you were ducked in the bunk, and worried about intruding, he inched forward a bit enough to hear you, make sure it was all okay. Your voice was soft, almost sorrowed as you spoke.

“Im here Sheri, Im sorry I didnt come sooner...”

Unintelligible to Curtis at the moment, it only sounded older, raspier and you gave a small chuckle at whatever was said.

“I already told you, were friends, Curtis and I.” your voice seems to be teasing at this, and guilt at eavesdropping, Curtis turned away from the two of them, those last words echoing in his minds. Friends. Thats all they were, and all they would ever be. He had to accept it. You werent really his, and he needed to stop feeling responsible for you. The thought alone made him feel slightly depressed and heavy in his chest, hollow. It made him feel hollow, and he fell right in line with the others shuffling to the front to collect there daily rations.

You curled up near Sheris side, in the time you left her, she just gotten worst, and the both of you knew it really was just a matter of time now. For a while Sheri fell back into stories of the past, mixing You and Nathan up, once in a while she will talk to you like you were her husband. Her soft knobby hands grasping yours, and a smile etching on her tired face.

“Im so tired Nathan, whats it like?” She would say with her eyes closed, and you with your head slightly bowed, trying not to let your tears fall yet, you put on a smile instead and nod softly.

“Yea Sheri Dear, its nice. All love and kindness. You never hurt, your always warm and we can be together.”

“But is there Hershey Bars Nathan? And dont you lie to me, cause I always know.”

You laugh slightly at it, barely remembering them yourself, but you do your best. “Of course, every day I will get you all the chocolate you want.”

Sheri hums as if happy, and her eyes open, looking up at you. “Oh child you dont have to stay.” Back to herself again, she folded her hands around yours and patted them softly. “Thank you for sitting with me, Nathan told me hes waiting for me, and Im ready to go... Im ready to see him again, My Nathan.” She slowed her movements and drifted off to sleep. At some point your mother checks in on you. “Want me to sit with her and you go get some sleep?”

A gentle shake of your head and smile, youve done this before... the silent wait, the death watch. “No, its okay. I will see you in the morning.” Your mother nods with understanding, life on the train, these past 10 years made you grow up faster then you should. It did for all of you.

You sat there with her, refusing to leave this time, still holding her hand, that was limp and warm in your own, tracing over her knuckles and along the top of her hand, aged, weathered. Nothing really last forever, and in these thoughts Sheri drifted away, in her sleep. Just as she wanted.

When you felt her just, become a body once more, you let your tears run free now, falling in the womans blankets, while you readjust her to cover her completely, shifting to a stand a bit weak legged from the hours you were there. You went to find your mother, but see shes sleeping, both your parents are. Looking up and down the aisle, you really dont want to be alone, not now. Not after having to say goodbye. It was moments like these you missed your little brother, having someone to hold in your arms and remember all the good memories through your sorrow.

Without even thinking about it, you wander, and soon your standing in front of a bunk youve never been into, but you knew who was there. You could hear him snore softly, and shift in his sleep. A soft rustle of his coat, a shadow in the darkness. Your heart catches, and it aches. It aches for your friend, for how excited she was to see her husband again. How you dont know if she really was though. “Curtis?” Your voice is soft, your not even sure you said it. But within seconds he sleepily stuck his head out, and hand wiping at his eyes and brows coming together in concern. “Y/N? Whats wrong? Are you okay?”

You nod softly and maybe you shouldnt, it was such an odd request but it bubbles right out of your throat into words. “I dont... I dont want to be alone, please?” Your gaze lifts and it takes him a few seconds to register what your asking for, when it clicks, he doesnt even hesitate, his hand reaching out to grasp yours and help you up. Maybe he should send you home, send you back. But your looking so fragile in the dark, alone.

When you settled in, Curtis felt the bunk warm up between you two, and you laid curled up near his side, not touching , but nearby. Your breathing was fast paced and uneasy. Nervous... Fuck shes nervous. He turned to his side, and reached out to grasp your chin lightly to look up at him, since you had your face tucked down. “Y/N, want to tell me whats going on?” Curtis figured it was best to get to the bottom of what was bothering you, why you came to seek him like this.

“Do you believe in soulmates and such Curtis?” You start to loosen up, folding your hands under your head as you roll to your side as well, looking back at him. Curtis brow furrowed a bit at the very odd question from you, and gave a light shrug at it. “Im not entirely sure Y/N, I never thought about it honestly. My folks werent exactly the most loving towards each other, kinda like... “ He tried to think of how to compare them to that you might remember. “Al and Peggy Bundy from that comedy. I dont know if you would even know what Im talking about. But anyways, always kinda mean to one another, but they just stayed together. Soulmates? I dont know if they exist. Why?”

You vaguely recalled what he was talk about, the theme song playing a bit through your mind, you remembered your dad watching it, but you never paid attention to what he was watching. “Yea I know what your talking about Curtis. I was sitting with Sheri during her last bit, and she thought I was her husband. It just... she talked to him like they hadnt missed a beat, although its been years. I did my best to give her answers for him. I just, think I witnessed what that would be.” Curtis reached out and wrapped you up in his arms, understanding now that you were saying Sheri was gone. Doing that sit was never easy. Clearly this one effected you. But certainly not in the way he fully expected.

You let him pull you in close, twisting to lean in against his chest while he held you, his hand was rubbing up and down your back in a comforting manner. It lulled you to close your eyes, and after a few moments, you heard him speak. A rumble in his chest making you stir to look up at him. At this angle, you couldnt see his eyes. “Before this, did you believe in that notion? Soul mates, think they could find each other in a life like this?” Curtis question made you pull up to sit next to him, so you could properly see him. See if he was teasing you, although he didnt have that tone he did when he was, or if he was being serious in his question. Crystal blue eyes stared up at you, with nothing but seriousness, and maybe hope?

You studied Curtis for a few moments, and as sometimes happened to you, your heart seemed to speed just a bit, and you smiled at him softly, nodding. “I do Curtis, call me a hopeless romantic but we have to have hope right? Why not hope that we can find something so complete in even this hell.” You shrug and tip your head against your shoulder in that optimistic way before dropping your shrug. It was then he pushed up to sit as well, and he pulled at his lip with a drag of his teeth, seeming to think. You waited him out, your hands folding in your laps and looking at him wide eyed.

Why do you look at him like that. His resolve weakening. You were so innocent looking up at him, patient as always for him to find the words, for him to decide, for him to get rid of that guilt that he doesnt deserve you in a way more then this. You were probably the reason he hasnt done anything to reckless and gotten himself killed. Fuck it Curtis... Resolve sliding over his face and his hands cupped the sides of your face, so soft under his touch, just as he knew you would be. Soft for him, he only wanted you to ever be soft for him like this, wanting to feel you press against him, the warmth of your breath whispering into his ear that you needed him. How many times had he thought this, wanted this. And now, you were staring up at him just waiting for him to tell you all this.

“Can I kiss you Y/N?” He asked, ready to pull back the moment you looked appalled by his request, and you never utter those words, nothing changes but a quickening of your breath, and a nervous lick of your lips. Curtis wonders, have you ever been asked before? He was patient, he could wait, would wait till your ready. Its something you never admitted to yourself, but yes... you really wanted that kiss. A dip of your head and a soft “Yes” was given.

Thumbs circled over her cheekbones, and you held your breath, waiting with anticipation. His features grew soft looking at you, raking over your face for a moment, searching for a no from you before he lowered his head and pressed his lips to yours, they were softer then you been expecting, and a bit lost in what to do. But Curtis started a light nibble, a press of his tongue made you gasp in surprise. A tentative touch of his tongue against your own, and you finally started to relax into it, exploring in your own way. Although Curtis controlled your first kiss, you felt free, a rush of your senses making you pull in closer, your hands sliding up his chest and around the back of his neck.

Your fingers buried into the back of his shirt, and his own hands slid off your face, and down to your hips to pull you in closer, flushing you into his chest, and a rumbling moan crept from him. You were everything he knew you would be and more. Already it was rushing to his head, feeding a deep seated hunger he had been ignoring for the past ten years since arriving on the train. If he wasnt careful, he was going to do something he might regret, and pulled away, leaving you stunned, and giving a whimper at the loss of his lips against yours. How flushed you looked, shocked, even dare he say a hint of pleasure dazing your eyes. Your lips were swollen from his kiss, and that made him pleased he could make you look like this, just a simple kiss.

Staring at one another, it was apparent that there was no going back now, no more just best friends. You were still slightly in a daze and Curtis laid back down, his hand circling your arm to tug you to join him. “We should get some sleep.” in which you stretched out next to him. You wanted to say something, but didnt know what. The kiss, unlike anything youve ever experienced and in the dark, your fingers moved to touch your lips, smiling at the memory of it now. The feelings you had for him, had been there a long time, and until now, you never let yourself believe it was a true possibility.

Curtis on the other hand, well he was cursing himself out for what he just done. You were far to good for him and he should have known better then that. He didnt deserve you, not your honey sweet kisses he just got lost in, or the way you were so sweetly curled up next to him, trying not to intrude. Oh he was fucked... completely fucked. Why did he have to kiss you? He groaned inwards, waiting, just waiting for you to come to your senses. He was a baby murderer, it would happen soon, he was sure. You would remember what he done, and push him away, shut yourself off from him, and then in that moment, Curtis would be all alone on the train. Long after you fallen asleep, Curtis laid wide awake with his thoughts poisoning his mind.

That next day he had disappeared before you could talk to him, and kept expecting to see him, but you never did. Which was odd, cause he had a habit of finding you at various points in passing. Only place he could be was Gilliams, and that alone made you worry. Not that Gilliam was necessarily bad, but people plotted with him, talks of trying to escape was always so sush around the man, like a man of many secrets. You scolded yourself at your thoughts, knowing Gilliam was a good man. Hes helped all of you so many times, was the leader of your people. If anyone knew you felt this way, your throat closed at the idea of what could happen to you.

You were soon distracted by a 5 year old named Joey. “Hey, Its almost time, right Y/N?” he said excitedly as he ducked into the medic bay as if he owned the place, pulling on your coat and looking up with a glimmer of hope passing his face, you wink down at him, and take care of the last of the supplies. Whatever was going on with Curtis was going to have to wait. And you pushed the thoughts from your mind.

“Of course, whenever Minister Mason announces that we are passing over bridge, that means its a whole new year, and every new years what do we get?” tapping your finger on your chin, you pretend to ponder. “Oh what is it. They are white, and inside is all that yummy goodness. Hmmmm.... Frog eggs? No way to slimey! maybe a dog egg? Wait dogs dont lay eggs... Maybe a... “ at this point Joey is just about bouncing excitedly, finally bursting out.

“Chicken? Right Y/N Chicken Eggs?! I think they lay eggs.” a slightly confused look crossed his face. “Im not even sure what a chicken is.”

“Oooh! Thats what they are. And chickens run around on two legs, flap there wings and are big fluffy butts.” You cross your eyes at Joey and mimic flapping your arms, making him laugh.

“Like Miz Scarlett?” He asks, and he says it so innocently, you have a hard time not laughing, pressing a finger against his lips. “No no, she certainly doesnt look like a chicken.” Although she did that one time her nice feather down coat split down the back and feathers scattered through the tail end. You all still found the occasional feather fluttering through the aisle. Plus the woman had the tendency to be a bit over dramatic, flailing her arms around whenever she had to prove a point. Joey always had been an observant kid.

The two of you chatted about what else New Years brought, while heading out into the aisle to return him back to his mother. “were gonna have a cele-celebratition?” You chuckle and repeat the word properly. “Celebration, and it will be something like that yes.” It wasnt much, usually just a bunch of people sitting around the gate, waiting for there only treat Wilford ever gave them on the train. But it always turned into a good time, people sharing stories, and once in a while a game or two was played. “Gilliam is gonna tell us right?” Joey asks, now looking concerned.

Your brows come together, and nod, giving his little hand a squeeze. “Of course Buddy, were not gonna miss out on the best day ever, right? I will come make sure your there with everyone else.” You smile at him to assure, and he pulls up, leaping into a lower bunk to crawl over to his mom. “Mom! Y/N said its almost new years, and we get chicken eggs and maybe we get to hear stories and... “ he ended up running out of air and took a deep breath. “and Miz Scarlett doesnt look like a chicken.” You end up covering your mouth,while his mom puts him on her lap and shakes her head.

“Now Joey, you cant be telling anyone they look like chickens! Jeeze child, what am I going to do with you?” She tickled his side and he went sprawling across the bed, and rolled back up, the excitement tinging his face. “I wont, I wont... I promise!” The PA systems crackles, and you put your finger up to your lip to sush Joey, all of you tipping your head to listen. Minister Masons nasal voice crackled and stated.

“We just passed the bridge, and another year on Wilfords Miracle Train. How lucky we have all been to be here for this miraculous day. Mr.Wilford is providing everyone a treat to celebrate, be sure to come up to the front in a ORDERLY fashion, and be sure to thank him for his bountiful grace hes bestowed upon us.”

You roll your eyes to yourself for the fucking dramatics, but you tilt your head and sound excited for Joey. “Come on Kiddo! I bet hes got something real good for us.” The child looks to his mother for permission and she nods, sending him flying out of the bunk to grasp your hand and practically tugging you down the aisle, since its quite a walk for his little legs, he wanted to hurry. “Slow down Joey, we will get there” You laugh, and then Curtis sweeps past you and hauls the kid up in his arms, grinning at you as he turned around, and walked backwards, Joey, wrapping his little arm around his neck. “We got places to be, Dont We Joe?” The little boy gave a very serious nod and looked down to Curtis. “Yes sir we do.”

“Okay, okay... Im coming!” You pull up alongside Curtis with a sigh like they were being ridiculous, and once they were in sight of the front, Joey started wriggling to get down. “Put me down Curits, I want to go get in line!” in which hes swung down and as soon as his feet hit the grate, he bolts away from the two of you. The both of you hang back while others crowd to form a line. You let yourself lean against his shoulder and look up to catch his attention. “Feels like youve been hiding on me Curtis.”

“No, just been busy.” He glances at you and away, watching to make sure Joey doesnt get lost in the mayhem. Liar, hes always been a bad liar. You see right through it, and you dip around to stand in front of him. “Say that again Curtis, and mean it this time.” Your mouth curls up in a grin, and he growls a bit under his breath that he had been caught.

“Listen, yesterday...” he starts, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down. “I took advantage and I shouldnt have.”

“Curtis Everett, when have I ever done anything I didnt want to do?” You fold your arms over your chest and shake your head.

“Well...”

“That doesnt count and you know it.” Giving him a silent warning and he snapped his jaw shut. You step in closer and take a hold of his jacket, fiddling your fingers in it. “Listen to me closely, You didnt take advantage, okay, and Im not going anywhere. It wasnt bad, right?”

His eyes widened and a shake of his head to get rid of the notion, he couldnt help but touch you again, his hands moving along your arms, up to cup your face again. “Absolutely not, it was... the best kiss ive ever had.” his face softened when he said it out loud.

A slight blush crept in your cheeks, but to hear him say that, just made you more bold, knowing you werent wrong. You were ready for this moment, and never thought it was possible. “Then why do you fight it?” You asked as you slid up against him, and move to your toes to reach him, cupping the back of his neck, you bring him down to meet you, and more confident this time, you kissed him slowly. This one was yours, and the people started cheering around them at the announcement of the new year. But for Curtis, his world narrowed to the woman in his arms, nothing else existed or mattered for him. You fit in his hold, like you were meant to be. the soulmates questioned flashed through his mind and then you moaned into his mouth, and all thoughts went away for good.

He knew in that moment, there wasnt going to ever be anyone else. He might not deserve someone like you, but he wasnt going to let you go.

#curtis everett #curtis everett x y/n #snowpiercer #kinda some non con #death #trauma #chris evans

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ladybugsfanfics · 4 years

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Shut Up And Kiss Me [13/?] | Tom Hiddleston

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader

WC: 4.1k

Warnings: pining, angst, sex implications

Summary: You and Professor Hiddleston have been colleagues for many years now, and through those years the hatred for each other has only grown. Now, as a new school year starts, you’re being told that you have to share a classroom or a class. Neither are happy about the outcome, but knowing you’ll never come to an agreement, you let the class choose for you. Team-teaching is rare in 2019, but it is a lot harder to do when you can’t stand the person you’re doing it with.

A/N: i wished i could have posted this earlier, but that didnt happen. Christmas themes even though christmas is over, but who cares?? here you go anyways and i hope you enjoy ^_^

Previous Part | Series Masterlist | Part Fourteen

There had been many things to take out of the week and a half after your confession to Tom, but the biggest thing you take out of it is how nice it was to get back into familiar territory. Bickering with Tom had been a pastime you had forgotten about and it had welled a warm feeling in your gut.

If there’s one thing you now know to keep doing, it’s creating small, friendly fights with Tom. Just for the sake of it.

Now that the trip to Scotland is over, you’re back to your regular schedule, which also happens to mean no Chris. Despite having spent the entire time together―even going on what you’d like to call an actual date―you hadn't gotten any closer to figure out what the relationship actually was. Is.

You guess you’re friends who occasionally see each other and when you do, fuck and act like a normal couple. But sure about that, you never will be unless you talk to him. Seeing as you don’t talk that much otherwise, you guess it shouldn’t be a big deal to just try and not think about the small amount of feelings that have been boiling within you for the American.

Yet―and this is something you’re mind doesn’t seem to let go off―something is still swirling inside you and leaning towards someone else. You need advice, and you need it from someone that doesn’t know anything about your life in any other sense than the fact that you’re a professor.

So, who’s better to ask than the class of Creative Writing you’re teaching alone because you and Tom never actually agreed to teach together again and the man had laid plans for the day seeing as you’d agreed it was your turn.

The classroom is filling up with the students, none them surprised at the lack of their second teacher. However, you can hear some of them whisper about when you’ll start to teach together again.

“Hi,” you say, feeling remarkably awkward for the first time standing in front of a bunch of students (usually, you get energy from it). “It’ll only be me today, but Professor Hiddleston will be back here with me on Thursday. It’s been a little weird these past few weeks, hasn’t it?”

They nod in agreement, a few murmurs passing through that you hear as ‘about time’. It’s only been two weeks, and three of four classes. The last one neither you nor Tom could be there as you were in Scotland.

At the thought, a hand raises. You nod in its direction. “How was Scotland?”

You nod. “It was okay. Very informative and all around a good conference. It’s always nice to meet other professors and get the chance to share teaching techniques and some stories here and there.”

And that is what makes the first half hour about Scotland and what happened. They ask about techniques you’re thinking of trying out, of professors you met (some they had heard of from friends at other universities), and they ask whether you and Tom made up. Apparently, they had all sensed something was wrong.

Eventually, you decide that it’s time to start something more productive. “Okay, last question.” You nod in the direction of the boy on the front row. “Mr. Holland?”

The boy lets his hand fall to his side. “Are you and Professor Hiddleston, you know, getting to know each other?”

You’re not sure if the question hit your heart and that that’s the reason for the pain, or if an actual knife is stuck in your gut. You swallow the lump in your throat. “I really hope you’re not insinuating what I think you are.”

“He is,” pipes from the back row.

“And to be honest, we’re all wondering,” comes another input.

You sigh. “Really?”

An agreed murmur of ‘you look cute together’, ‘there’s a definite chance you like each other’, and one voice saying ‘he’s in love with you’. You’re not sure either of those are correct, but you can’t help but indulge.

“Okay, if you have this insight, please tell me what to do.” You gaze over the thirty pairs of eyes looking back at you. “Because I’ve been kind of seeing this other professor―no he doesn’t work here, and he’s American―but we haven’t seen much of each other and when we do we don’t talk and it doesn’t feel like a relationship.”

“Do you like him?” asks one of the girls on the front row, Miss Wright.

You shrug. “How do I know?”

“You get tingly, like you have butterflies in your stomach.” “And whenever you touch you get all warm.” “And it feels like your heart is squeezing, pounding, as if you have no control over it. Though that can be for panic attacks and the like as well.”

Something dings inside your head. That lightbulb that comes over characters heads in cartoons comes over yours. It’s like the puzzle pieces fall into place.

Oh.

Oh no.

Oh, fuck!

And based on the question marks and frowns on your students faces, they saw that revelation, too.

Mr. Holland is the one to ask, “so you like the other professor?”

You try for a smile. “What about we rather go to the actual contents of this class? There are, after all, things we should do.”

No one tries to pry the answer from you, and you try to forget it yourself to. But the fact is right there, even though you’ve been trying to drown the fact since you’d kissed him in that bar.

You’ve been trying to drown the fact that you are in love with Tom Hiddleston, and that there’s no turning back from it now. And despite your mouth going in a different direction and talking about the contents of the class, all your mind can do is ask whether or not the student who said ‘he’s in love with you’ is right or not.

---

It’s been forever since you last really went to a party. Usually, the Christmas parties aren’t that much fun. There’s some alcohol in the picture, but no one drinks too much and mostly it’s conversations flowing here and there.

However, Alisha had said they made a playlist and hooked it up to the speakers in the gym. You arrive later than most who decide to go, having to work up the courage (and the percent of alcohol circling in your blood).

Music blasts from the speakers. Christmas music it’s possible to dance to. Being awkward has its perks, as you stand by the side and wait it out before actually going onto the dance floor.

Standing by the bleachers you notice a couple of familiar faces on the floor. Sophie and Benedict dance together rather cutely, and you smile at the sight of the two of them. To their right you see Tom. Your breath hitches in your throat at the sight.

Tom moves with the rhythm. His whole body into it. He shuffles his feet, he moves his hips and it has your gut drop every inch. Especially knowing he does it with no alcohol in his blood―he’s driving. To be honest, you’re not exactly sure what move he makes, but the way his hips move with the music has you bite your lower lip and take a deep breath. It tickles in your stomach and you lick your lips, eyes trained on his form.

You try to shake off some of the feeling. After admitting to yourself that you do like him, watching him do stuff has become harder than before. Those few churns have grown into buttloads, and what used to be a dream here and there where you argued and kissed, has become a daily thing. At least, you wish you aren’t obvious, but, judging by Benedict’s continuous knowing glances, you are.

And then your eyes lock. Tom smiles your way, continuing to dance, but he moves closer whilst doing so. He doesn’t fully stop, but he moves differently now that he’s close. “Join,” he says, his voice breathless and with a smile so blinding you struggle breathing.

You shake your head. “No, I can’t… I… I don’t―”

“Nonsense,” he cuts you off and takes your hand. “You’re probably great.” He drags you out to the dance floor, where you catch Benedict looking at you and subtly giving you a thumbs up. You roll your eyes, but smile his way nonetheless before returning your attention to Tom, who’s dragging you into the middle of the floor.

The song changes as you end there, and because you are so lucky, it plays On Christmas Morning by Michael McDonald. Tom only smiles at the change of pace, and instead of letting go of your hand, drags you closer and wraps his other around your waist.

Everything burns at the closeness, and you look down as your feet start moving. Both to actually see where your feet go (couple’s dances are hard), but also to hide the blush on your cheeks from Tom.

You let him lead you, swaying back and forth with grace. He lets you out to spin you―which is a huge surprise―and when you get back in his arms, he lets out a laugh and you meet his gaze. His eyes shine and you smile, letting the song carry your feet on the floor. You let the feeling of him so close envelop you. The way his hand in yours burns with intensity because skin on skin contact is almost too much to bear, almost. The way he smiles down at you, eyes locked on yours. The way his hand steadies you at your waist and how the one you have on his shoulder is so close to his hairline, his face. It would only take one move and you would cup it.

But the songs ends before your full fantasies play out and changes into another fast paced one. He lets go and changes everything about his stance to fit the new rhythm. Watching him do it, so casually you know it’s the song that chooses the dance for him and not who he dances with, has your heart drop. One of the strings attaching it to its place breaks, others are close.

You can’t let it show, and follow his moves. You both dance to the song, flowing with the rhythm, but with every move he does that has your gut churn with ripples at how amazing he is, your heart loses a piece of itself and that same churn feels like a knife ripping your gut open. Nevertheless, you smile and laugh. You enjoy the time spent with him, how he keeps glancing at you. It is hard not to notice the glance he sends others, too, but you try your best to ignore it.

As much as you try to ignore the gunshot to your gut spilling your intestines out and ripping you apart from the inside, you can’t. Everything about him just screams at you, and it hurts more than you ever thought possible.

---

Your dress itched. It was the third time you were going to the restroom to fix it, to try and make the problem go away, but probably, yet again, to no avail. The route you take lead you past your office, and seeing as you were there, you decided to try and fix it in there instead.

As carefully as you could, you closed the door behind you after opening it and sneaking inside. The lightswitch turned, filled the room with light, and before you did anything, you closed the blinds.

And finally, you got to drag down the zipper of your dress. You let out a sigh of relief as the slight itch passed and sank down to rest on your desk.

It was in that bliss you heard it, in that moment of silence, that a knock came from the wall next to you. It was followed by voices, loud, quiet, a little hushed voices, but you heard one better than the others.

Recognizable in every way, you listened as Tom spoke. “I have a surprise, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

The reply was only a murmur. Whether of agreement or not, you couldn’t be sure.

“It’s… I don’t know how to explain this, but I like someone.”

Fuck. You pressed your lips together, and tried not to think too hard about the ache in your heart.

“I have a plan… ish. And for that, I need your help.”

You shook your head. Better leave before you heard more. It wasn’t like what you’d heard wasn’t enough to tear apart the last hint of feelings you’d had. As long as he was happy, right?

---

“I’m going to go get something to drink,” you tell Tom, and he nods and turns to dance next to Sophie and Benedict. Weaving through the crowd, you finally find the drinks. One alcoholic beverage coming right up, because you aren’t sure you’ll survive the night without it.

You take a big sip, emptying half the can, and turn around. Leaning against the wall next to the table, you watch your colleagues have fun, and you spot Benedict making his way towards you.

So far, he is the only one you’ve ever told your feelings to. Even back then you’d told him, because he seemed trustworthy. And he was, is. Y/BFF/N had only ever gotten to know how annoying you thought Tom was.

Benedict leans against the wall next to you. “So,” he asks, “when are you making the move?”

“Never.”

“Oh, come on. We both know you want to.” He glances at the crowd, finds the middle where Tom dances with Sophie, big smiles on both their faces. “How much alcohol does it take?”

You scoff. “You really think that’s all it’ll take? Enough alcohol and I’ll make a move?”

He shrugs.

“Nope. He’s gotta have some, too. And we both know he’s driving.” You shrug up at Benedict, but it’s hard to hide a smile that comes with knowing you’re right.

He nods. “Point taken.” And then he turns and grabs more drinks. He hands you a new one, and walks onto the dance floor with the three left in his hand.

You watch as he gives on to Sophie and Tom. The latter glances your way, and you move your gaze before your eyes lock. God, there’s just something about him. Something that makes you want to hide away the hatred you’ve carried with you for him.

---

The night was coming to and end. It was past midnight, your eyes were drooping, and you knew that taking the bus home would be a nightmare. So, you asked Benedict if he could give you a ride home.

Only Benedict was getting a ride by Tom. You didn’t believe the guy was capable of driving, based on what you’d seen from the night, but maybe you were wrong.

But that might have been your only option. So you made your way to the man in charge. Only, to do so, you had to walk outside into the cold night, and you didn’t have your jacket.

There was no jackets close by, but you didn’t think you’d be out long anyways, so what harm could there be.

Chills creeped around you as you pushed the door open. Tom stood only a few meters away, leaning against the wall and typing on his phone. You pushed the door open further, making it possible to go all the way out, but in doing so, something wet trickled down your arm.

As you glanced up, you noticed that the push of the door triggered a bucket prank. As the bucket covered your face, you knew it wasn’t water in the bucket. You took it off, eyes covered in goo, and glared Tom’s way.

The man looked over at you, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“You did this?” you asked, voice already layered with accusation.

Tom pressed his lips together. “It wasn’t meant for you,” he said. However, the press of his lips became recognizable as a stifle for laughter and not nervousness as he tried to suppress the smile forming on his face.

“Why are you laughing, then?” you asked.

He nodded. “It looks rather… funny.”

“Fucking great. You know, I liked this dress,” you told him. “Whatever.” And without even asking if he could drive you home, you stalked back inside.

Benedict sent you a look as you walked past him, but you just let out a giant sigh, enough to shut him up.

You managed to dry most of the goo off, but some had come in your dress, and you knew that you’d have to shower as soon as you got home. You also knew, based on the way the goo stuck to your dress, it wouldn’t be saved.

With as much as you could off, you walked back out to the hallway. By the other wall, stood Tom and Benedict, and despite the anger still in your veins for Tom ruining your dress, you didn’t have a choice but to ask.

“Can you give me a ride home?” you asked him.

“Really?” He looked surprised, glancing once at Benedict, who shrugged.

You nodded. “I’m too drunk to drive, I’m slightly annoyed, and I’m way too tired. Can you? Yes or no?”

“Actually,” he said, “the car is already full. With Sophie and Benedict and Eddie and his wife, there isn’t any more room. Are there no one else you can ask?”

You sighed. “I’ll figure something out.” Great. Just fucking great. You walked away from the two, but not far. Most on their way home would walk by the hallway, and you might be able to catch someone and ask for a ride. Or you’d just have to spend money on a cab, money you didn’t actually have.

From where you stood, you could still slightly hear Tom and Benedict’s voices. They spoke in hushed tones, glancing around them as if on guard. Though it didn’t seem like they cared whether or not you heard.

“It’s not like… I don’t know, Benedict. It’s not exactly that easy.” Tom sighed. “I like her, but I can’t… I don’t think there’s anything to go for.”

“I think there is,” replied Benedict. “I believe the cold shoulder is only a precaution. After all, you have a little rumour here.”

“But how was that prank going to help me?”

You perked up at the mention of the prank, but you tried not to make it noticable. Glancing over at the two friends, you could see that it didn’t matter anyways. Their attention wasn’t on you.

“Get her attention,” said Benedict.

You rolled your eyes. “Dumbass,” you muttered.

But you didn’t care so much how stupid the prank was. Rather you cared that the why created an ache in your heart, because Tom wanted another woman’s attention, and you cared about the fact that he had ruined your favorite dress (even though it itched) and now you had to use money you didn’t have on a new one before Christmas eve.

The day had just gone in the opposite direction of what you’d wanted.

---

You’re on your way out of the gym when a hand on your wrist stops you. Looking behind you, the man is Tom. He smiles slightly, but quickly releases your hand.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“Oh, yeah, just a little tired, I guess.” You mirror his smile. “I… It’s been a long week.” And it’s the truth, because it was Tuesday when you admitted to yourself that you like Tom, and now it’s Saturday, and the feelings have been growing more and more intense every day.

“That’s good.” He nods. “Do you want a ride home earlier? I’m not sure how much more in the mood I am to stay. I know Eddie is driving, I can ask Benedict and Sophie if they could hitch a ride with him?”

You swallow the lump in your throat. You’d already asked Tom if he was driving, and if you could join his carpool, to which he’d said yes. And he’d told you that Sophie and Benedict were joining, and that’s how the four of you had gotten to the party. However, there was something inside you that really wanted to say yes. Alone time with Tom, being able to get home earlier (it was already ten PM and it’d probably be another half hour until you were actually home), and at home earlier there would be more time to eat ice cream, and drink wine.

But you can’t ask him to do that. “I… No, you don’t have to. I can take a cab, it’s no problem.”

It really wasn’t. After you’d had three raises in pay, you could afford a cab if you needed one. Of course, you’d like to be driven home by Tom, but you’d never ask him to, nor expect him to.

“It’s okay. I’ll ask them.” And he disappears.

You stand there looking after him, only to first notice him as he walks back again to you. Your heart hammers in your chest, seeing him in his tight fitting clothes and oh, why does he have to be so good looking?

“They said it’s alright. Shall we go?” he asks.

“I just gotta do one thing first. Give me five minutes, ten minutes max.” And this time you disappear, or you hope he doesn’t see you. Because you head for the open bar, grab two bottles of beer and chug both. Not at the same time, but it does feel like it.

And with that done, and more energy in you instead of the nervousness flowing through your system, you walk back to Tom, ready to let him drive you home.

Oh, God, what have you done?

When you get back to Tom, you shoot him a brighter smile than you’ve had all evening. “I’m ready now.” Even though the alcohol uses some time to really get into your blood, you can already feel the buzz growing. Maybe you’d had a little too much? Nah, you are still of sound mind.

You think.

---

The car ride is silent. Or as silent as can be with the radio playing Christmas music softly in the background.

Eventually, and now the alcohol has really set in, Tom pulls up by your apartment complex. He parks the car and actually helps you out, even though you are pretty sure you can walk.

He insists on walking you up, not sure if you can walk up all the stairs. Protesting doesn’t help, and he hooks your arms together.

Fuck him and the gentleman he is. Well, your mind saying fuck him and goes to a different place than being mad, and you curse yourself for it.

But you’re not sober, and it wouldn’t take a lot to actually press your lips to his. It would actually not take a lot at all. A little push, from something, someone. Holy fuck, you have a mistletoe in your doorway.

You’d hung it there two weeks ago in hopes Chris would visit and you could use it straight away. But he never had come, and now you were tipsy bordering drunk with the man you had fantasized about for about a week on your arm.

Isn’t life fun?

And then you’re stopping outside your apartment. You fiddle with the keys, enough so that Tom takes them and opens up for you himself. You lean against him, and stop in the doorway. There really is nothing better than a push to make you do it, and Tom is wearing a tie.

So, you find it rather easy when you’re both standing underneath the mistletoe, and you look up to signal it. You can see the realization in his eyes as his blue eyes come back to meet yours. And God, it’s so easy to pull him close and press your lips to his.

It’s never been easier to wrap your arms around his neck and press into him, and relish in him pressing back. And it’s so easy to jump into his arms, wrap your legs around his torso and relish in the feel of his hand cupping your ass.

One moves away to close the door, and you hear the familiar click as it locks. Your heart hammers in your chest, and everything is forgotten as you tell him where your bedroom is.

To say the least, it’s a way better Christmas Party than the one that had been four years ago.

permanent tags: @devilbat @adefectivedetective @gamillian @he-is-chaotic-she-is-psychotic @heartislubbingdubbing @wiczer @chillcan

tom tags: @inlovewith3 @bookgirlunicorn @mindlesschicca @justawriterinprogress @wolfsmom1 @loser-alert @satanskatze @timetravelingsociopathicwalker

suakm tags: @plooffairy @just-the-hiddles @jennytwoshoes @lokissidehoe @fruitfly123 @princetale @scorpionchild81 @noplacelikehome77 @winterisakiller @lostsoldieronahill @nonsensicalobsessions @cherrygeek86 @louhpstuff @olyamoriarty @sunshinein17 @kthemarsian @kumikowi @secretcupcakekitty @buckygrantbarnes @josis-teacup @runawaygiirl @januarycalendargirl @funny-fangirl @kinghiddlestonanddixon @scorpiomindfuck @dr-kayleigh-dh @inmyworstlies @twhgirl @maah-chan @florencia93c @i-am-a-mes @o-deya @eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy @cantaloupewatch @carpediem-spero @createdbyanintensenerd @beananacake @lysawayne @nightrose64 @bradfordbantams @feyre-thehighlady @thundermaximoff @lys-syl @beenthroughalot @xrainydazeteax @mautand @coldbookworm

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston fanfic #tom hiddleston imagine #tom hiddleston fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #twh #thomas william hiddleston #reader insert #real person fiction #enemies to lovers #college professors au #professors au #professor hiddleston #slowburn

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thrallsnpuppets · 3 years

Text

Weird Cinderella moment but not really.

I am handicapped. I had to have reconstructive surgery on my legs for vestigial heels as a result of a neurological problem.

Finding shoes that fit have always been a trigger of anxiety for me. In the past, I have been made to feel bad because i only used 'half the shoe' at full price.

I internalized that so after my surgery I was very excited to be able to try out other shoes that didn't make me feel like a broken RoboCop.

To no avail, my feet are still deformed from having to walk without heels.

So for like 20 something years, I find shoe shopping to be a point of contention and eventually learned to settle for shoes that simply didn't hurt.

As a result, I can't wear flats, heels, converse, certain cuts of boots, running shoes, sandals, really any shoe that has a strap over the arch, and basically all women's shoes. It must have arch support and cushioning around the heels to prevent rubbing of surgical scar tissue.

Wearing men's shoes became my norm. To me, it's not really a big deal but most common retail for men's shoes are less than cute. Sometimes a witch just wants to wear pretty sandals with a sundress.

Lo, it is not practical.

To be honest, before I was married, my shoe choice had frequently come up as topic of discussion with my dates. (I wore steel toe boots most of the time when I wasn't wearing gym shoes for physical therapy and no I didn't discuss my health on dates.) My choices were dull, out of place for whatever outfit, and made me taller. men's shoes provided an extra 1/2 inch of lift on average in my experience and since I'm above average in height for an American female it sometimes made me eye to eye with the men i was dating. [It was never a problem or a point with the women I went on dates with.]

I blew them off. I bought my shoes so I was going to wear what made me ... Comfortable.

So, along comes my now husband whom insists on caring needlessly about almost everything.

He thought I was intentionally depriving myself of nice things based off of some of my financial/economic idealogy combined with insecurities. And this was before I talked about my handicaps.

Some of you might be wondering why I hid any of that in the first place and those of you with physical handicaps or chronic health problems don't really need an explanation.

For me, it was trying to create a separate identity from my health issues i had since a young child and that most people I grew up with tended to attribute these symptoms as my entire personality. So, I experimented in my dating life with those whom didnt know my medical history to see if I would always be "the sick kid" or if it was entirely circumstancial. I couldnt carry out these social experiments with or at school or I'm social outings because I was absent and in hospital often. (And some people who knew about it bullied me despite trending empathy.)

(Good news, my conclusion is that individual response is mostly circumstancial based off of 'blind' studies. Much of the situational outcome was a feeling of betrayal... on their part for 'not being honest' from the start. I'm not a nun in personality so a gentle smol flower i am not. My relationships were intentionally not physical so sometimes they were emotionally incompatible. occasionally, the added physical handicaps became a breaking point for some of the individuals I had dated. It's hard for me to blame them and I don't. Argue that as you please but it seems irrational to guilt somebody into a relationship because they don't like me for being dishonest about a pivotal aspect of my life. If they were accepting of it cool. If they weren't accepting of it, the end of the relationship is best for both parties.)

I digress.

My new boyfriend (now husband) wanted to buy me new shoes after finding how deteriorated my favorites were. He specifically made a point of helping me find shoes that I liked and he would buy them.

Que me getting really grumpy about that but the gesture was sweet. Earlier in that week is when I decided to 'reveal' my deformities. Honestly, it caught him by surprise (like others whom I have told because years of physical therapy taught me to articulate walking motions effecienty though my legs still feel like QWERTY most days.) Then, for the first time, I explained to a male lover why I wear men's shoes.

He believed that I didn't ever have proper help finding shoes. (After meeting my parents and making a judgement on that.) I didn't have the heart to tell him that I have been buying my own shoes for the last few years because my parents insisted I just had "fat feet". (Denial is strong with ambitious parents of a handicap child, even after twenty something years.)

Resolutely, I decided to bear it and let him go through the whole process of having me try on pretty shoes that may or may not fit. (I knew the shoes wouldn't fit but this was the first time someone was going through this defeating process with me so I went with it.)

I tried on over a dozen shoes of varying sizes and cut. Each one never fitting properly. Mostly because, they were women's shoes. This took over an hour. I was emotionally drained and so was this man.

At one point he stopped and stared at the array of shoes beside me each with a different reason of why I can't wear them.

He looked at my old broken in boots, then back at the dainty women's shoes around me. I had been quiet for sometime now. I have already been through this process several times before and had sobbed about it on multiple occasions on shoe shopping trips right after my surgery (main reason why my parents insisted I just buy them by myself.) As an adult, I settled for practicality and reserved my sullen reservations for when i returned home.

I waited as he crunched the numbers in his head, kneeling by my feet and rubbing his chin in contemplation.

"are the sizes too small?" He pondered.

"my feet aren't that long." I uttered.

"Why don't these ones work?" He pointed at a pair of tennis shoes.

"to get the shoe to close all the way requires me to tighten the laces so hard across my arch it makes my toes go numb." I replied.

"and a bigger size won't help?" He furrowed his brow.

"the size differences don't include depth of the shoe and arch height." I said, "it's why I wear men's or boys shoes. They're deeper with more support even if they're a bit too big in length."

"I can tell you from personal experience that men's shoes are dull and not cute." He said earnestly.

I guffawed. I know he meant well but that wasn't the first time I bought a pair of men's shoes. Still, he carried a look of defeat. He had wanted to do something he thought was nice and buy me a cute pair of shoes because he thought it'd make me happy.

I'm not trying to make a point here.

I'm merely venting because I had to buy new shoes again yesterday because the snow storm killed my last pair and I was stressed out about it.

My husband now has a sense of what shoes I purchase for myself so typically he's right there and the trip ends in about ten minutes without a scheduled panic attack.

#chronic pain #chronic illness #chronic injury #handicap #disability #disabled #vent post #venting #personal #rant post #i'm just rambling at this point #random thoughts #ramble #i didnt ask for this #i didnt sleep well

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