does anyone want to discuss hrpf outside of shipping + written fic context . because i think about where what i do sits in relation to it all
for brevity i will be referring to the real person as the player and the fictionalized interpretation of the player as the character
to get things outta the way, i dont think theres very much you can say about real life people before you start crossin into real person fiction (rpf) territory LOL
transformative art is rpf. speculation is rpf. narratives is rpf. the second you start steppin away from a direct relay of the facts as is, we gettin in ficticious waters IMO. its really a neutral thing to me and my ethics begin and end at "dont show people who dont wanna see"
and its real funny to think about how i do art just because it feels like i set up way less barriers compared to people who DO write fic . i see all this talk about making sure you make your stuff login exclusive, about not sharin it to the people involved, disclaimers about how its in fact NOT a reflection of reality that your favorite athlete is mpregnant and YOU are are mfather.
and i just hit post and call it a day LOL
TO BE CLEAR there is definitely layers to it in the sense that i see similar amounts of caution with say ship art or certain degrees of raunch.
shipping in the rpf scene is funny to me in the sense of the tendency to treat shipping as THE exclusive rpf thing. like no i dont think my tomas tatar fanart is 1:1 on the reality front either. for example, nj devils hairline is not that far back and thags the only inaccuracy.
heres the kicker: mmy foot.
most of my doodles tend to evoke a degree of characterization or narrative. yeag maybe its a little less 30k slowburn and a little more fabian zetterlund shot putting a man but. that is fictional, that is a character
im not saying that rpf defines players more than the reality of them does but i do believe it does enforce certain views
in the spaces i hang around ive noticed the narrativization around certain characters being part fueled by the information that is filtered by reporters and part interpretations bounced back and forth by fandom . and when you have eyes on a story, its easy to pick out information solely as it agrees with you
maybe the most prominent narrative ive seen for the sharks has been macklin celebrini having a jock dad -> therefore he got daddy issues, joe thornton houses him -> therefore mentor and father figure joe thornton? where even though i havent seen any direct relay of information from any players (though ivent been looking LOL) a lot of the discussion around it revolves around this common understanding that it just is (the funnier part is arguably that will smith hockey has been doing more for this narrative for patrick marleau BUT NEITHER HERE NOR THERE.)
and its really interesting to note HOW fandom warps or weaves the story by going off common tropes or dynamics to make sense of the public facing parts we do see, which is what i think is magnified through the lens of fanworks but not (necessarily) CREATED by fanworks
which is where i feel my work is part of the. ecosystem??? life cycle??? and then we all return to the dirt and the worms eat us???
how much or how little we define the gap between player and character changes from person to person. i simply do not have that goin on here. devin cooley eats joey daccords hair take it or leave it. annnnd main tag that
other times i feel we wear the divide thin are when there is headcanon that uses facts about the player (ie a lot of ship talk) or when the character becomes the kneejerk understanding of the player (ie liveblogs. very fun way to get a read of a communitys feelings on something because of how immediate the reactions on it are)
the point of this post isnt to shame or interrogate people about participating in rpf, im not looking for those sort of feelings, im fascinated by fandom culture as a twig off the old branch and i would love to hear other perspectives on the same topic (and different communities! i dont have much involvement in fic. which is. a massive hole in my perspective on this probably)
is it possible to cross the line from rpf to plain old original content LOL (the answer is intent i know but. walk with me here its fun to think about)
naturally theres a degree of "original character" to every depiction . you gotta make up some amount of it. theres no clear separation OF rpf and original content because everything is about borrowing. you make characters with inspiration from other things. its near enough universal for someone who deals with characters to have at some point lifted a character directly out of their original context and made them their own.
its not just their face or name or some other physical attribute that makes it rpf id also argue because i have seen people using attributes of real people as "claims" for origubal characters (like a "faceclaim" to say "this is how i imagine my character to look")
on top of that there is fluctuating interest on actually depicting the player, with approaches that i have heard of ranging from "character that shares the quantitative aspects of the player and thats IT" to "character that was made heavily referencing to things the player has said/done"
its interesting when certain players in rpf have a consistent character! which trends to be in teams with a more active rpf oriented fanbase (vs interest mainly in the real life hockey played), comparing the fandom of kraken to the golden knights on tumblr for instance. its also interesting to note that more popular teams just have more rpf centric leans. because there are more people to write rpf. i mean also we are on a fandom centric site and rpf bridges that gap from narrative/character fueled media and sportsball more LOL
(if you like sports from a purely sports oriented angle do you enjoy watching it? genuine question. because at what point is it "i could just be doing this myself" because ive hit that point with other things before LMAO)
i do call the difference being more "fandom" oriented but IDK if thats correctly using the word or just less syllables. and on top of that i cant exactly tell you if its popularity or stand out personality that holds more sway. though then again i guess those two traits arent separate from each other necessarily. or even that those are the only two factors to broad appeal (probably popularity with another player is up there. but im not trying to find a formula for most attractive to make rpf of)
to return to the kraken because that is the most rpf oriented team i follow, i do notice when players portrayed consistently. i can definitely tell you like. one or two character traits about players i do not follow the media of solely from liveblogs and art. complexity of the character varies by a lot, though i do think its interesting to consider the hows and whys.
a trait or interest being highlighted by media (i tend to see this in offical media coverage that gets spread by jokes) -> the character heavily revolves around this feature in jokes or casual reference, with heavy personal interpretation
media pushing a narrative by following a more cohesive timeline or story structure (i usually see this in fanworks. easier to identify the influence of IMO) -> fairly consistent character backstory or , at least in the broad strokes of it
just general agreements about tropes that are appealing with little basis on the player -> this is usually the more relationship focused character interpretation
there isnt usually just one factor (and this isnt an exhaustive list of factors) to one characters history. unless its a super new player on the radar.
its definitely a character that belongs to the fandom! as in the unique character to the unique community! its actually really funny how they evolve. you could probably fingerprint someones influences if you tried hard enough. with how new the kraken is (and the fact the fandom leans more towards being united as one body than any other team ive seen so far) it does get pretty easy to get it down to the post but. do your own treasure search. I wont deprive you!
(also its EMBARASSING... what if the people i mention SEE... im SHY...)
harder with an older fandom like the sharks there are so many dead and defunct sources or jokes so widely spread that it gets hard to locate the origin . because dead and defunct sources. though i think its growing a new ring around the fandom tree because of the newer players! so its a thought. to think about how different events influence the size and activity of a fanbase and to ask how different fans from different. eras? of a fanbase interact (or dont).
again i notice this in the sharks fandoms by comparing fans from the playoff contending sharks era (last playoff season was 18-19? start is a little murky but ill toss out that 2012 was the year tomas hertl was drafted because tomas hertl was an era of the sharks LOL a whole 12 years! i know people younger than his professional career and those people are catching up to me in height. humbling!) and fans from when the sharks were very much not playoff contending (quite an amount of the current active fans LOL). not sure if theres much to say without looking stupid. different jokes, notable players, friend groups, feelings towards other teams. all still feel very strongly about general manager mike grier scattering players like dandellion seeds to the wind.
(AGAIN. HOPING NO SHARKS FANS NOTICE THIS. IM SHY)
how many sharks fans havent seen logan couture on ice
again i am saying all this as someone who ACTIVELY participates in this BTW!!! does anyone notice that players i dont know definitely have a flatter "whatever is the funniest thing to say" angle . or that characters of players i know a few things about have like one punchline . or even that certain characters are consistent and not just bound by direct interpretations of one moment (which i do a lot of when im liveblogging) (dont get your hopes up for anything new here, the character usually is "pathetic and a little bit of a bastard")
i keep writing these disclaimers like. if someone disagreed this strongly they would not be reading this far. hi! is anyone still here. is someone still reading.
i have created life and i dont know to kill it.
i talk about one of my depictions of a player as a separate character (that is to say, a SEPARATE character from the character intended to represent the player) and i have NO idea if this is like. an OC? a defamation case in waiting? my spawn? do i have to pay childcare. does anyone know who or what im talking about or has the character been festering in my mind like an infection.
is it just me???
my advice to you: if you dont want somethin to come back dont give it a name.
consider dissecting your personal and the more widespread fandoms take on players and characters! its fun for me but i also just like taking things apart ^_^ i fear i may not be as analytical as this post demands i do a lot of restating information and thats it
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I love your post so much I love how everything is backed by evidence. I wanted to ask for your opinions on ratio and aventurine's relationship (relationship in general, not necessarily in a romantic sense).
My mind keeps goes back to Aventurine and "Aventurine"'s conversation about Ratio's fake betrayal part of the plan and Aventurine says "Or maybe he wasn't acting at all?". I just keep thinking about how even though Ratio did exactly what he was supposed to do to help the plan succeed, Aventurine can't help but doubt the motives of the person that he's working with even when he does exactly what will benefit his plan. I've just been thinking that maybe it's another part of Aventurine where he can't completely trust anyone. I've seen a lot of post where people state that they had a great deal of trust in each other and that's why the plan succeeded but ignore what that line means for how Aventurine might've felt about it.
And then on Ratio's side of this, I do think he cares about Aventurine's well being but only does what he can to help him because if he tried to force Aventurine to be better, to treat himself better, it wouldn't really change Aventurine's mind on his self if it's for someone else's sake instead of his own. The little flavor text of Ratio's sticker in 2.3 mentioned how he's "just doing what a supporting character should do." which is, supporting the main character I'd think. Ratio does genuinely care for humanity so I can't think the only reason he sticks around Aventurine is "because he makes an interesting conversation partner than most."
I just can't stop thinking about how they're undoubtedly connected for another reason besides just their work, and I am just so curious about what the writers have in mind for their cooperation in the future. sorry for my trash heap ✌️ if this is too incomprehensible I understand not answering it
Okay, the full answer to this ask is over here in a separate post, since I thought it might stretch people's dashes a bit if I didn't, BUT before we get to that, there is one little thing I wanted to say and don't have room for in the other post:
You mention: Aventurine says "Or maybe he wasn't acting at all?" I just keep thinking about how even though Ratio did exactly what he was supposed to do to help the plan succeed, Aventurine can't help but doubt the motives of the person that he's working with even when he does exactly what will benefit his plan.
And while I agree that Aventurine has TRUST ISSUES stamped on his forehead, I also think that a lot of people kind of gloss over one major aspect of the scenes between Aventure and "Future" Aventurine, which is that:
Aventurine spends most of those scenes convinced he's actually talking to a manifestation of Sunday's power.
Aventurine starts off suggesting the "Future" Aventurine is a dream or psychotic hallucination.
He rejects the idea that "Future" Aventurine is actually himself at all, and asserts that this "Future" figure is a "newborn of the Harmony's power." He even has a throwaway line asking if he's about to become an Emanator of the Harmony himself. (And the Ena-Gaiathra fans rejoiced.)
Normally I would say that's all there is to this, Aventurine just not wanting to accept this ghostly version of himself and the harsh truths it keeps bringing to light.
But, throughout the entire lead up to the end of 2.1, we get weird moments where the "Future" Aventurine asks for information it should already have. A lot of these are passed off as "Well, I just want to hear you say it yourself!" but... if it's truly Aventurine himself and knows all there is to know about him, why does it need to hear the info from the real Aventurine?
Why do we continually get exchanges that strongly call into question what the "Future" Aventurine even knows?
And:
Later:
(Shouldn't it have already known?)
Repeatedly, the "Future" Aventurine says things that imply it is still learning about the real Aventurine:
Even up their very last scene together, the "Future" Aventurine was constantly pressing the real Aventurine to reveal every detail of his plan:
"Future" Aventurine goes through the cornerstone shuffle, guesses at Ratio's involvement, pushes Aventurine to reveal the broken Aventurine cornerstone, asks what tactics Aventurine intends to use to win his gamble, how the IPC fits into all of this, and finally comes to the realization that Aventurine plans to use Acheron to create "death."
We could go very deep with this and suggest all these weird "Did you or did you not know this information? Are you really me or not?" exchanges are just meant to show Aventurine's doubting nature, that his mind is a mess and that he doesn't, even at his deepest, understand himself, but I don't think the devs did this accidentally. We're being given plausible deniability on purpose.
At the very least, we players are supposed to ask ourselves: Could it be that this really is the Harmony and not Aventurine himself?
Until the very last scene, when "Future" Aventurine completely changes his tune to gentle empathy, real Aventurine is definitely convinced that he's still talking to a manifestation of Sunday's power.
Right after the line about Ratio's betrayal supposedly being real or not, Aventurine is still saying:
Or, an even clearer indicator that real Aventurine was convinced he was talking to Sunday's manipulations: The "Future" Aventurine is listed as ??? in the dialogue option all the way to the very end, when Aventurine at last accepts that he may be speaking to himself, and the name card finally changes to "Aventurine."
So, what to make of this line then:
Personally, I think there's enough dubiousness to the whole situation to suggest that we can't really take this line at face value.
Is Aventurine genuinely doubting Ratio here... or, convinced that he's still talking to the Harmony, is Aventurine scrambling to try to keep the last details of their plan out of Sunday's reach?
If after this line he's still telling "Future" Aventurine to stop stealing information from his mind, can we really expect him to be speaking truth here?
Throughout all of these scenes with "Future" Aventurine, real Aventurine continually refuses to reveal new details about his plot, forcing "Future" Aventurine to fill in the gaps. It's clear from other lines throughout the theme park scenes that Aventurine is intentionally avoiding giving away any specifics that the "Future" doesn't already know:
So to me, even though I agree that Aventurine has been made into a distrustful person by his traumatic experiences and I think he does doubt the sincerity of everyone around him...
I don't necessarily think this one line about Ratio should be held up as an example of that deep doubt.
I think there's enough suspicion cast on the "Future" Aventurine and its possible connections to the power of the Harmony that many of the things Aventurine says to it might actually be attempts to mislead and distract, so that he can carry his final gamble through without Family intervention.
And I think looking at this line about Ratio from that mindset also introduces an entirely different possibility many people seem to overlook:
Is it out of character for Aventurine to make sure the only person sacrificed in his gambles is himself?
If Aventurine really thought he was talking to a manifestation of Sunday's power, could it be that saying "Maybe Ratio wasn't acting! Maybe he really did betray me!"... wasn't doubt, but an attempt to protect his co-conspirator? To shift the blame away from Ratio and spare him from the fallout if their plan ultimately went awry? To make himself the Family's only target?
I'M JUST SAYIN'!!
Anyway, totally go read the rest of the actual answer about Aventurine and Ratio's relationship now~! It's all posted!
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The Time Remus Lupin Got Drunk.
A Wolfstar Oneshot.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
The Marauders were going to a party. Usually the way things go down is quite simple:
Sirius gets drunk first, the lightweight of the group who always drinks too much too fast and literally will not shut up for the rest of the night.
Next is Peter, who doesn't drink nearly as much as Sirius, but isn't very good at holding his liquor if we're being honest. He'll spend most of the party on the floor playing chess or in the bathroom throwing up. No in between.
James stumbles after him in third place, definitely not a lightweight but somehow always slamming down enough shots of firewhiskey to do the job. He spends a good percentage of his time trying to get Lily Evans' attention.
(Somehow even drunk he's still a perfect gentlemen and knows his boundaries. *cough, cough* it's not that hard *cough, cough*)
Remus has never gotten drunk in his life, except for once at the beginning of seventh year, but we don't talk about that.
He will spend the majority of the party babysitting his friends: bringing Peter water and crackers, telling Sirius that no, it's not a good idea to visit McGonagall right now, and asking James to please find his shirt, she's not any more impressed by his abs now than she was six years ago.
Today, however, was going to be different.
You see, the Marauders had a plan, a plan like none they'd ever come up with before.
Today: Sirius, Peter, and James were not going to get drunk.
Remus was.
Most of the reason Remus never got drunk in the past was simply because it was a hard feat to accomplish. Partly because Remus had a pretty high tolerance for alcohol, and partly because of the whole werewolf thing.
He would have to drink a lot of firewhiskey to get to the point of slurring his speech.
And the second reason was Remus' refusal of being unaware of his surroundings in public. He felt too vulnerable, it didn't feel safe.
He made a joke on the way to the party they were going to tonight that he would only agree to get drunk if the others agreed to stay sober.
Obviously he hadn't been expecting them to actually agree.
But for whatever reason, his friends were far too eager to see him drunk.
So in they went, mixing into the crowd awkwardly, with Remus huddled between them all like a very tall child.
"Here." James filled a red cup with firewhiskey and passed it to him, "We should get started early, this will probably take a while."
Remus let out a resigned breath and accepted the cup from him, downing the liquid in one go. He cringed at the taste,
"I don't know why people insist on doing this. I don't see how this is pleasant at all."
Sirius shrugged, "It's fun? Takes your mind off things for a little while."
"Obviously not the case for somebody." Peter snickered, nodding his head towards James, "All he can ever think about is Evans, drunk or not."
"Hey!" James called, picking up a cup and pretending to toss it at him. Peter squeaked and jerked out of the way.
Remus snagged the cup away from him, "And you expect me to trust you lot to take care of me?"
James rolled his eyes, "Obviously we'll take this seriously, Moony."
Sirius nodded, "Especially me." He agreed solemnly. James scowled at him and turned back to Remus with an earnest expression,
"If you don't want to, we really won't force you, Moons. I know you don't like feeling vulnerable. Everything is your decision here."
Remus sighed, "It's alright, one night won't kill anyone... hopefully."
And you know... the whole werewolf thing.
If he was being honest, of course he trusted them to take care of him. They'd been doing it every month since third year.
The only issue was his filter, or rather, his lack of one.
After his second cup Sirius grabbed his free hand and dragged him over to the center of the room, "Drunk enough to dance yet?" He asked, raising his voice over the music.
"There isn't enough alcohol in the world." Remus called back.
"You don't know that. Drink up." James cheered, a cup held out to Remus.
Merlin he was going to be drinking a lot of alcohol tonight.
He turned back to face Sirius,
"So this really doesn't bother you? All the noise and the people?" He asked. Sirius shook his head,
"Not normally. I always have you guys with me, and sometimes it helps being surrounded by all this. I'd rather be too busy to think than sitting alone in silence, y'know?"
Remus nodded, he knew Sirius hated silence more than anything.
James switched out his cup again, "Alright, Moons, another round down."
"What is this, four in five minutes? You trying to kill me, Prongs?" Remus muttered, drinking it anyways.
"Mate... That's fucking terrifying." Sirius replied.
James laughed, "I have much subtler ways of doing that, Moony, don't you worry."
"Is this gonna be a long night or what?" Peter said. They all nodded in agreement.
"Hey, why don't we speed this up a little?" James asked, tapping the wand in his pocket. Remus' eyes shot wide open,
"No. Absolutely not. Do you remember what happened to Sirius last time you used that spell?"
James waved a hand, "Oh, that was nothing. He's always like that."
"He bawled his eyes out and tried to kiss a suit of armor." Peter raised an eyebrow, "Even drunk he's got a bit more dignity than that."
"Yeah but he's also like horrible at drinking. Maybe it'll work better with Moony since he's got a better tolerance."
"Hey!" Sirius pouted, "I can drink just fine, thank you."
James snorted, "Whatever you say, mate."
Remus ignored them,
"I don't know, Prongs. I'm not really sure. It's a little... experimental, don't you think?"
"What about us isn't experimental?" James countered, "You know how many charms laws we broke making that fucking map?"
Peter shook his head, "No, c'mon man. Don't make Moony your test dummy. It's his second time drinking. We'll try it out some other time."
James shrugged and waited for him to drink before giving him a new one, "Your loss. Now you're stuck filling your cup all night."
Remus downed it again, looking bored, "You know what, you're right. I'll be over at the drink table. I should probably stick closer to the source, yeah? Let me know if you need anything." He told them, walking awkwardly through the crowd.
"Hey Alice." Remus smiled, when he finally reached the table, resigned to drink until he began to feel the 'buzz' the others kept referring to, "How's everything going?"
"Not bad, you?"
He shrugged, filling his cup, "I suppose I could be worse."
"Are you... drinking?" She asked incredulously, "I've never seen you drink before."
He sighed, "Yeah, and you probably won't ever see it again."
"Someone feeling a little dangerous today?" She teased. He tipped back his cup, wrinkling his nose at the heat that settled uncomfortably in his chest,
"Hopefully not."
They sat in comfortable silence for a while, watching the people around them.
"Where's Lily? Did she come?" He asked, Alice nodded,
"I don't actually know where she and Regulus went, but I know I saw them earlier."
"Wait, Regulus and Lily?" He questioned, "I didn't know they hung out."
She gave him a vague shrug,
"Yeah, none of us really know him that well, just you guys and Sirius. But he and Lily have this thing where they always sit next to each other at parties, they try to keep each other in check. Nerd stuff, I guess."
"Huh..." Remus took one last drink before standing up from his seat, "I've gotta go, thanks for the chat."
She nodded, "Yeah, see you around."
While Remus was busy being a wallflower, James and Sirius made their way to the other side of the room. Sirius grabbed Regulus' attention and waved him over,
"Hey, Reg. Bigger turn out than usual, right?" He asked. Regulus nodded,
"Yeah, there's hardly anywhere to sit anymore." He looked around for a second, "Your friend throw up yet?"
Sirius laughed, "No, Pete's fine. We're actually staying sober today."
Regulus rose an eyebrow at them both, "I find that very hard to believe."
"Hey, Regulus." James smiled.
"Potter." He nodded curtly.
James pouted, "Don't I get a warmer greeting? We've known each other for years now."
"Maybe you will in a few more years." He replied smoothly, taking another leisurely sip, "How's the courting coming along? Sing any songs to her yet?"
James looked confused, "Who?"
"You know, the love of your life."
His face went a deep shade of red, "What?"
"Evans?" Regulus was amused now, "Salazar, Potter. Seriously, how much have you had?"
"None." Sirius frowned, turning to face him, "What's up with you, mate?"
James only shook his head, "I've gotta go."
The pair watched him dissappear quickly into the crowd.
"The hell was that about?" Regulus asked.
"I've got no clue." Sirius rubbed his forehead, "But it's definitely weird."
"Pete." Remus sighed when he found him, tapping his arm to get his attention, "Come here, I have to ask you about something."
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
Remus was weaving his way through people again, trying to keep his drink from spilling as he was bumped around.
They walked to the far corner of the common room. Peter looked concerned,
"Are you alright?"
"It's about Prongs." He started, keeping his voice low so the music would drown them out.
"Prongs?" He repeated, "What's wrong, is everything okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, he's fine. It's just-" He glanced around to make sure nobody was listening, "Do you ever think he acts a bit... strange at parties?"
Peter snorted, "You mean when he's drunk? Yeah, I'd say he's a little different than normal."
"No, I mean like- we've seen him drunk before, right? He isn't usually so over the top when it's just the four of us."
Peter nodded slowly, "Right."
"But when he's here, he gets all weird."
"Well yeah, because he's trying to impress Evans."
"But isn't it strange that he stopped hitting on her around the castle years ago but still hits on her when he's at parties?"
"Alcohol destroys your filter, man. Maybe he's just really good at pretending to not care."
"Or it's something else."
Peter watched him for a moment, a sudden suspicion in his eyes, "Are you drunk?"
"What? No, Peter, listen-"
"Hey, what's all the whispering about?" Sirius asked, walking up with James and Regulus on either side of him. James' face was red.
"I think Moons is getting a little tipsy." Peter laughed. Remus rolled his eyes,
"Shut up, Wormtail."
"Seems perfectly normal to me." Regulus joked, "Sarcastic as always."
"Remus isn't sarcastic when he's drunk." Sirius offered, "When I saw him he was-"
Remus shot him a look and Sirius stopped talking immediately.
"You never did tell us what happened." Peter said, glancing between them.
"And we won't." Remus cut in before Sirius had the chance, "That's between Lily, Sirius, and I."
"Wait Evans was there too? I thought it was just you and Padfoot when you got drunk?" James asked. Sirius' eyes widened,
"Maybe it's best if we drop the subject, yeah?" He gave Remus a pointed look.
"Why won't you say what happened?" Regulus asked, curious himself now as he looked to his brother.
Remus swallowed hard, clearly uncomfortable. Sirius cleared his throat,
"Finish your drink, I want to dance."
"So commanding." Remus grumbled, even as he lifted it to his lips without hesitation.
Sirius stepped up close and placed a finger underneath the cup, meeting Remus' eyes as he tipped it back.
Remus was... well let's just say he was a little more awake now than he was a moment ago, his entire body humming with electricity at the look in Sirius' eyes.
He finished the drink, throwing the cup onto the floor,
"Fine." He took Sirius' arm and dragged him back into the crowd of people.
"What the fuck just happened?" Peter laughed. James shrugged,
"It's them, when do we ever know what's going on?"
Sirius stopped when they reached the center. Remus rose an eyebrow,
"So...?" He started.
"Yeah." Sirius laughed softly. He wrapped his arms around Remus' neck, like you would if you were slow dancing. The song was the exact opposite tempo, but neither of them really cared enough to notice.
"I'm not upset about what happened that night." Remus told him as his hands wound around Sirius' waist, "I know I made a big thing about it, but I don't blame you."
Sirius' head was shaking before Remus even finished his sentence, "It was your first time drinking, Moons. I should have been more aware of what was going on."
"I told you I'm not upset." Remus protested.
"I know, I just don't believe you."
"Would you like me to get Lily? She'll be glad to tell you every thought I shared with her about it."
Sirius cringed, "Merlin, no thanks. I'd honestly rather die than rehash that with Evans again."
"It wasn't that terrible."
"Says you! You didn't do what I did!" He laughed.
"Well nobody forced you to do what you did either!"
"It was kind of implied." Sirius gave him a sly smile.
Remus scoffed, "Okay, first of all-"
"No, no, no! You cannot deny that. You would never have done it." He cut him off.
Remus sighed, "Fine... Maybe you're right."
"Maybe?" He raised an eyebrow. Remus laughed,
"Okay, you're absolutely right. I would never have done that. You have my gratitude for taking one for the team."
Suddenly he was smiling again, "It wasn't that terrible." He mimicked.
"You want me to tell her you said that?" Remus asked, pretending to pull away to go find her.
"Don't you dare!" Sirius laughed as he jerked him back into the embrace, making them press fully against each other on accident.
"Oh." Remus whispered. Sirius took in a sharp breath,
"Oh." He repeated.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
Over by the drinks table James, Peter, and Regulus were still talking.
Peter was stuck between watching Sirius and Remus, and watching Regulus and James.
He couldn't deny it now, James was weird at parties. Even though he wasn't drunk like he normally was, Peter could still hear that tone in his voice, see the look in his eyes that meant he was totally and completely whipped.
Only... Lily Evans wasn't anywhere around.
He glanced back at Remus and Sirius to find something had shifted dramatically in the few seconds he'd looked away.
They stood, holding each other tightly, staring into each other's eyes. Peter could feel the tension from across the room. He felt his own eyes widen quickly looked away to give them privacy, accidentally staring at Lily Evans instead.
"Hey, I'll be right back." He told James and Regulus, who were currently in a heated argument about the best quidditch play from the world cup this year.
Neither of them replied so he just walked away, coming up to sit down beside her.
"Hey, Wormy." She smiled. He smiled back,
"Hey, Evans. This is a great party."
She chuckled, "Yeah, it's interesting to see you actually a part of it."
"Hey, my chess games were top notch." He laughed. She bumped their shoulders together,
"And so were your bathroom hogging skills."
"Touché."
She glanced towards Sirius and Remus,
"Do you see them?" She asked quietly.
"Yeah, I was watching them earlier. It's a good thing, right?"
"Yeah. They deserve to be happy."
"You think they'll make each other happy?" He asked, a little hopeful.
She nodded, her voice was certain, "I do."
"What ever happened between the three of you? Remus refuses to tell anyone, all we know is that it was the only time he ever got drunk."
She snorted, "Merlin, that is really not my story to tell." She smiled at him, "But I can assure you that I know they'll make each other happy."
"You had sex with one of them, didn't you?" He asked. He could see it in the blush that formed on her cheeks.
She looked away but didn't deny it.
"Well, shit. That's one hell of a first drunken experience." Peter muttered.
"I think it was a lot more than just one first experience." She nodded towards the pair again, "If you know what I mean."
"No way." He gasped, "Did they..."
She held her hands up, "I don't know anything, alright? According to this conversation I was too drunk to remember that night."
Peter blew out a long breath, "Noted."
Lily sipped on her drink leisurely, just like Regulus always does. This reminded him of something he noticed earlier,
"So, do you and Regulus know each other well? I saw you guys together when we first got here."
"Oh, kind of. We only hang out at parties. We're like each other's safety net in a way, we make sure nothing goes wrong and that neither of us gets too messed up."
"I don't know, a few years ago probably. It's been a while." She shrugged.
"When did that start?" He tried to make the question casual. Something about the way she said it reminded him of what Remus had said earlier. 'Or maybe it's something else'.
"So you guys always sit next to each other?"
"Mhmm." She glanced around, a slight frown on her lips, "Except today apparently. He went of with Sirius and he hasn't come back yet."
Peter nodded, letting it finally sink in.
Everything James did when he was drunk was always in her direction, the singing, the confessions, the love-sick puppy dog eyes.
But it wasn't ever at her, was it?
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"Can I ask you something?" He spoke quietly. Regulus eyed his hand but didn't shake him off,
The others had gone off to their separate conversations, leaving James and Regulus alone. James hadn't even noticed Peter leave.
Regulus had ended up winning their quidditch argument, pulling out a trump card James hadn't thought to bring up. He was impressed, his smile wide and genuine. He liked that Regulus wasn't just as passionate as he was.
They stayed quiet for a little bit, Regulus sipped on his drink and James tried to look at anything else, not wanting to get caught staring.
Eventually he couldn't take it anymore.
James turned completely to face Regulus, touching his shoulder to get his attention,
"Shoot."
"Everyone always tells me that my... 'courting' is over the top when I'm drunk. Is it really that bad?"
Regulus' lips twitched up in a smile, "It's not terrible. Some people find it endearing."
There was something different in James' expression when he asked, "Would you happen to be one of those people?"
Regulus watched him for another long moment before he answered, "I guess you could say that."
James nodded and looked away. He never moved his hand, Regulus didn't either.
"Do I ever say a name?" He cleared his throat, "Like when I'm... I don't know, people say I confess things. Do I ever say who I'm talking to?"
Regulus thought back to everything he remembered about Potter's attempts at flirting,
"I'm not sure... No, I don't think so. You did get the color of her eyes wrong one time, Lily laughed about it for like a week. It's hard to forget that they're green. But then again, you were really drunk so nobody blames you."
"What color did I say?" James asked quietly. Regulus looked at him then, the intensity in James' voice throwing him for a loop,
"You said gray."
There was a long pause before James looked up at him too. His eyes searching Regulus' own, like he was memorizing them.
"I meant it."
Regulus was confused for a moment, then he realised that was his eye color. James must have been talking about his eyes.
He froze, but then...
Oh.
Oh.
"Potter?" Regulus suddenly couldn't remember how to speak. James swallowed hard,
"Yeah?"
"It was... Lily you were speaking to all those times... right?"
James shook his head slowly.
"Who was it?" Regulus' question was a whisper.
James finally moved his hand, though instead of dropping it, he lifted it up to hover over Regulus' cheek,
"Do you really need me to answer that?"
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"Sirius, I-" Remus looked away, his head spinning slightly, "I think I might be a little drunk."
Sirius' fingers dug into his shoulders, "How drunk?" He murmured. Remus' eyes held something deeper in them when he replied,
"Not so much that I don't know what I want."
"What do you want, Moons?"
The question was never answered.
It took them mere seconds to make it to the stairs leading up to their dorm.
They shut the door behind them, laughing and clutching onto each other as they caught their breath.
"Can I admit something to you?" Remus whispered, his eyes bright with excitement, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since that night."
Sirius nodded, "I know how you feel."
"I- I want you, Sirius." Remus turned to face him, holding his hands between his own, "More than that, I... I want to be with you."
"With me?" Sirius questioned. He refused to get his hopes up.
"I think I'm in love with you." Sirius blurted out. He wasn't exactly sure why. He wasn't even drunk. Remus didn't seem to mind, his small smile turned brilliant,
"With you." Remus repeated, "I want everything, Pads, I- I want a life with you. I always have."
And if Sirius had any ounce of self control, the dazed look in Remus' eyes and his small giddy smile was enough to shred it to pieces.
"I think I'm in love with you too." He whispered.
And those were the last words either of them spoke for the rest of the night.
Remus Lupin would always remember the only two times he'd ever gotten drunk. But not for the reasons you would expect.
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