#incorrect irondad and spiderson quotes

[abbie-brianna]

Peter, making chicken and dumpling soup, dropping a dumpling on the floor: This is sadder than the time i got hit by a train.

Tony, coughing on his coffee: Excuse me?

[mcucharacterquotes]

Tony: I know it's hard kid, but you have to apologize.

Peter: But how am I supposed to apologize when you never actually apologized?

Tony: I have nothing to apologize for?

Peter: Exactly! Me neither! Mr. Rogers was mean to you, so I had to say it.

Tony:

Peter: And I was right.

Tony, almost in tears: Come here you dumb little fuck, you really are my son.

[give-bucky-his-boyfriend-back]

Tony: What's the greatest movie ever made?

Peter: Probably Scorsese's Goncharov

Tony: You know Scorsese? Pretty impressed kid not gonna lie

Peter: Thanks mister Stark :), have you seen it? You really should watch it, I think you'll especially like Goncharov's character development

Tony: I haven't, I'll check it out

*Later*

Tony, on his laptop: THAT LITTLE SHIT-

[oscorp-lawsuit]

Headcanon that when Peter accidentally calls Tony dad for the first time, he immediately freaks out over his slip-up (as usual) but Tony is running on like -20 hours of sleep and doesn’t even notice the mistake but he responds to it so suddenly Peter spirals into ANOTHER crisis because does that mean Tony thinks of Peter as his son, or did he just not hear him right? And now he doesn’t know how to bring it up without outing the fact that he wants Mr. Stark to be his dad

Peter: “Hey, dad?”

Peter, internally: Wait, shit shit! Why did I say that? I can’t call Mr. Stark DAD. That’s so creepy-

Tony, dead on his feet and hearing colors: “Yeah, Pete?”

Peter:

Peter, tearing up: “Um-”

[incorrectmarvelquote]

Peter: Blood loss? It’s not lost! It’s on the ground over there!

Tony: Kid, please sit down-

[spideyspetertingle]

Peter: Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good. Stark: Underoos, you CANNOT use our collective trauma to get out of school

[obsessedwithmarvelbecausewhynot]

Peter: What about you?

Tony: What? What about me?

Peter: What if someone needs you?

Tony: Nobody needs me.

Peter: I do. I need you.

[ir0npvrker]

peter: i made a marshmallow mr stark. see? his arms are crossed because he's mad at marshmallow peter for annoying him. you like it?

tony, choked-up: it’s fine

[minimarvelh]

*Interview*

The interviewer: do you have kids?

Tony: no

The interviewer: but in the last interview you mentioned one boy quite a lot.

Tony: oh, Peter? Yeah, he’s my intern.

The interview: so he isn’t your child?

Tony: I have already told you, no.

The interview: but in that interview you said that you would kill for that child and you are still refusing to admit that he is your kid?

Tony: yes, he isn’t my kid, but I would kill everyone for him, I would take hundreds of bullets for him, I would get myself killed for him. but he isn’t my child.

[stxar-pvnk]

Steve: Tony!! Tonnny!!!

Peter: what are you doing?

Steve: I can't find tony

Peter: oh I can, watch this

Peter proceeds to put on a deep voice

Peter: I HATE PETER PARKER

Tony popping out from thin air

Tony: WHO THE HELL SAID THAT ABOUT MY CREEPY CRAWLY KID.

[m00nagedreamin]

peter, in the lab with tony: can you get me ice cream?

tony: your legs work get it yourself

peter: but it tastes better with the flavor of parental obligation on top :(

[abbie-brianna]

Peter, texting Tony: *sends a voice message* Tony, texting back: I’m a little busy, is it urgent? Peter: No, don’t worry, just listen later. *later* Tony: *presses play* Peter's voice message: THERE’S A FIRE-

[hurtspideyparker]

Peter, sneaking in through the lab window after patrolling till 3 am on a school night, running into Tony still working on a project 4 hours after he told Pepper he'd come to bed in 'five minutes':

Tony: I won't tell May if you don't tell Pepper

Peter: Deal... can I help?

Tony: You have school in 4 hours.

Peter: You didn't even go to bed last night!

Tony: ... okay but you're on fire extinguisher duty

[nam-ski]

Tony: Peter, why are there so many spiders in your room? Just because you’re part spider it doesn’t mean you don’t have to clean your room, I’m going to kill them.

Peter: No, these are my children!

Tony: Like…literally?

Peter: Adopted! I saved them from a burning building last week and know they’re mine.

Tony: Last week, wasn’t that the time you laid in the Med-Bay with second degree burns and a smoke poisoning, because you wouldn’t leave a burning building for reason you wouldn’t tell me?

Peter: Uh, I’ve gotta go

[oscorp-lawsuit]

Pepper: Tony, why do you keep ignoring lab safety protocol when it always ends in some sort of explosion or OSHA violation?

Tony: Well, Pep, some of the greatest scientific discoveries were made by ignoring lab safety protocol. Besides, Tony backwards spells “Y Not” so it’s really in my namesake.

Pepper:

Pepper: Did Peter give you that one?

Tony: Yes, he did.

[incorrectmarvelquote]

May: Fucking hell, are you boys trying to give me an aneurysm?!

Peter: I wasn’t

Harley: I was

Tony: I cause them naturally