#incorrect tony

[marvel-lous-guy]

Rhodey: We're not together, we're not a couple! We're definitely not a couple!

Tony: Wow, you seem pretty insulted by that, what, I'm not good enough for you?

Rhodey: I'm not having this conversation again

[incorrecttonyxeveryonequotes]

Tony: I'm like fine wine.

Rhodey: You make people do dumb shit?

Tony: …No. I wanted to say, I get better with age.

Rhodey: Hmm. Why not both?

[romanoffshouse]

[Natasha speaking Russian]

Y/N, sighing: Yeah, I know.

Tony: You speak Russian?

Y/N: No. I just know the phrase, "This is all your fault"

Y/N: She says it a lot.

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Tony: I'm a Stark, flirting is part of my heritage.

Clint: What does that mean?

Natasha: His father was a slut too.

[book-place-incorrect-quotes]

Natasha: *before a mission* Who’s turn is it to give a pep talk?

Steve: *sighs* Y/N’s…

Y/N: *stands dramatically on the table* All right, people, let’s fuck shit up out there and not die!

Tony: *wipes away a fake tear* So inspirational

[abbie-brianna]

Peter, making chicken and dumpling soup, dropping a dumpling on the floor: This is sadder than the time i got hit by a train.

Tony, coughing on his coffee: Excuse me?

[mcucharacterquotes]

Tony: I know it's hard kid, but you have to apologize.

Peter: But how am I supposed to apologize when you never actually apologized?

Tony: I have nothing to apologize for?

Peter: Exactly! Me neither! Mr. Rogers was mean to you, so I had to say it.

Tony:

Peter: And I was right.

Tony, almost in tears: Come here you dumb little fuck, you really are my son.

[incorrectwandanat]

[angry natasha storming down the hallway]

tony: uh oh.

reader: what?

tony: i see an angry wife heading our way.

reader: yours or mine?

tony: does it matter?

reader: if it's yours, there's a chance we'll live, but if it's mine, we're dead.

[incorrectmarvelquote]

Peter: Sometimes Tony asks me “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Peter: I’ve learned that that actually means ‘stop’

Peter: He is never very interested in my thought process

[rxmqnova]

Tony: So, are you two dating now?

Y/N & Natasha: Yes.

Tony: Why?

Y/N: I happen to find Natasha very appealing.

Tony: Yeah, I can understand that. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with Natasha.

[give-bucky-his-boyfriend-back]

Tony: What's the greatest movie ever made?

Peter: Probably Scorsese's Goncharov

Tony: You know Scorsese? Pretty impressed kid not gonna lie

Peter: Thanks mister Stark :), have you seen it? You really should watch it, I think you'll especially like Goncharov's character development

Tony: I haven't, I'll check it out

*Later*

Tony, on his laptop: THAT LITTLE SHIT-

[incorrecttonyxeveryonequotes]

Quill: Look, I don’t think-

Tony: Oh don’t worry, I’m very much aware.

Quill: …Are you always such an ass?

Tony: No, you just bring out the best in me.

[oscorp-lawsuit]

Headcanon that when Peter accidentally calls Tony dad for the first time, he immediately freaks out over his slip-up (as usual) but Tony is running on like -20 hours of sleep and doesn’t even notice the mistake but he responds to it so suddenly Peter spirals into ANOTHER crisis because does that mean Tony thinks of Peter as his son, or did he just not hear him right? And now he doesn’t know how to bring it up without outing the fact that he wants Mr. Stark to be his dad

Peter: “Hey, dad?”

Peter, internally: Wait, shit shit! Why did I say that? I can’t call Mr. Stark DAD. That’s so creepy-

Tony, dead on his feet and hearing colors: “Yeah, Pete?”

Peter:

Peter, tearing up: “Um-”

[romanoffshouse]

Tony: Y/N, your phone is ringing.

Y/N: Who is it?

Tony: It says "mommy is calling".

Y/N: Oh, it's Natasha.

[obsessedwithmarvelbecausewhynot]

Tony: Listen, I know I'm not your father-

Peter: I know.

Tony:

Peter: I know you're not my father Mr. Stark.

Tony: But-

Peter: Do you know?

Tony:

Peter: Do you know you're not my father?

Tony: Yes, I know.

Peter: You don't act like someone who is not my father, Mr. Stark.

[book-place-incorrect-quotes]

Peter: *Hanging from a chandelier, screeching*

Bucky: *yelling and jumping while trying to get him down*

Tony: *walks into the room* What the hell is going on in here?

Y/N: *calmly eating popcorn and recording* I dared Pete to wake Bucky up from his nap. Popcorn?

Tony: … yeah sure