#incorrect voldemort

[skylarinfinity]

male reader : [first time ever met voldemort] what happened to your nose?

voldemort : [annoying] shush child, is that even matter?

male reader : no really, but i'm just curious [shrugs]

voldemort : listen-

male reader : you know, you can just lie than your nose will become longer-

voldemort : wha-

male reader : hermione, she give me this muggles book title pinocchio when you lie your nose will grow longer-

voldemort : [sneered] don't tell me about that mudblood-

male reader : dude?! at least she have nose!

tags lists @sonicqaulan @graysonfriggason @thebettermaximofftwins @sloanalistair @acienthazard @starlinggoldeneyes @ortegaolsen @wednesdaywanda @sandwichmarvel @gardenofmarvel @wanda-cabin-natasha-jacket @panandinpain0 @badblondebisexualboy

[abouttimeoc]

[deswhomst]

Regulus: [punches Voldemort]

Regulus: That’s for trying to kill the man I love!

Voldemort: Who the—?

James: He’s talking about me!

James: You love me?

Regulus: I don’t know I’m still angry at you!

[coldemergency]

Voldemort: Harry, I need you to give me my snake back

Harry: No! It’s my weekend, we have shared custody!

Voldemort: Nagini is not your child, she is a highly intelligent, extremely terrifying and deadly creature-

Nagini: boop the snoot

Harry: Aww, who’s my little danger noodle?

Voldemort:

Voldemort: What have you done to her

[daddiesdrarryy]

James: Excuse me, hello! Have you seen Harry? Dark hair, green eyes, smile that would shake the earth, hates pea?

5 year old Draco: A bald white man broke in today

James: WHAT? A WHITE MAN? NO! WHAT DID THE AURORS DO ABOUT IT?

5 year old Draco: Nothing!

James: TYPICAL!

[apicelladonna]

in another universe, Dumbledore sat timetravelling Harry down in his office and said "I'm a bad example so it's perfectly fine if you're confused about this, but just because I have a bad relationship with a mentally unstable gay cult leader I pretend to still hate but actually love and raw nasty, doesn't mean you have to."

[percyweasleyapologist]

Voldemort: I have an army. Percy: We have an Oliver whose quidditch pitch was destroyed.

[iamnmbr3]

Diary Tom Riddle: We have so much in common! Both half-bloods-

Harry: Both my parents were magical so not really but ok.

Diary Tom Riddle: Both orphans.

Harry: My parents died because of Voldemort...

Diary Tom Riddle: Mine too! What are the chances?

Harry: ... (-_-)

Diary Tom Riddle: It's like we're soulmates.

Harry: Funny you should say that.

[rilowizardshaddow]

Harry: I'm so glad the destiny got us together.

Tom, who stalked Harry throughout all his Hogwarts years until he knew everything about Harry before he made their first encounter seem like an accident: Yes...

[day-dreameratnight]

Tom: I’m looking for my will to live.

Harry: Then die.

Tom: Oh, there it is ☺️

[rudamaruda520]

Bellatrix: Yeah, so this whole organised crime... we'll have to reschedule. My girlfriend just asked me on a cute little date 🤷‍♀️

The Dark Lord: You are choosing someone else over me?!

Bellatrix: Well, duh. Have you seen my girlfriend???

[skylarinfinity]

[male reader accidentally found voldemort and death eaters]

voldemort : oh don't you running to tell everyone [cup male reader face to shut him out]

male reader : [bite voldemort hand than scream] professor's help, voldemort is trying to steal my nose!!

harry : [who been hiding behind pillar can stop his laugh] oh shit-

death eaters : dark lord, it's harry potter behind those pillar-

voldemort : [rolling his eyes] yes, i can hear him too.

tags lists @sonicqaulan @graysonfriggason @thebettermaximofftwins @sloanalistair @acienthazard @starlinggoldeneyes @ortegaolsen @wednesdaywanda @sandwichmarvel @gardenofmarvel @wanda-cabin-natasha-jacket @panandinpain0 @badblondebisexualboy @loving-wanda-in-every-universe

[abouttimeoc]

[coldemergency]

Harry: Why does this potion smell like sociopath

Hermione: Harry… that’s Amortentia

Ron: Wtf does ‘sociopath’ even smell like??

Harry: It sort of smells like Voldemort

Hermione:

Ron:

Harry: OH

[crackishincorrecthp]

*Harry manages to save Cedric by throwing a Petrificus Totalus on him, so Voldemort thinks Cedric is dead, but he's just literally petrified* *Cedric sees all the Voldemort resurrection, including Voldemort being fucking naked* *Harry and Cedric go back to Hogwarts and once Harry releases the spell on Cedric they're both just looking at each other horrified* Harry, horrified: Did you see that? Cedric, horrified: I did! Dumbledore, confused: What happened there, boys? Cedric, still horrified: We saw You-Know-Who resurrect, and he was naked Harry, still horrified: We saw Voldemort naked Dumbledore: Dumbledore: So you aren't horrified that Tom is back, you're horrified 'cause you saw him naked? Harry and Cedric, still looking pretty horrified: YES!!!! Harry: I think I'll have nightmares about that for the rest of my life Cedric: Me too Dumbledore: Dumbledore: It can't be that bad, boys... Harry: Sir, I'm sorry, but you don't get it, it was horrible Cedric: It was traumatizing! I don't even think I can see myself naked without thinking about that

[reine-de-la-lune]

When Tom fell in love with Harry, he thought he had fallen ill

But when Harry fell for Tom, he thought he'd gone mad