#harry potter is a menace

[coldemergency]

Voldemort: There must be endless information you’ve gathered throughout all your past lives

Harry: I know everyone’s dirty little secrets

Voldemort: I don’t suppose you’d share any with me…?

Harry: You would never guess which Hogwarts professor has a foot fetish

Voldemort: Not at all the sort of information I was looking for

Voldemort:

Voldemort: who

[foolishlywandwaving]

Gryffindor Red: Chapter 12

Excerpt

She flings the cloak off and stares at him, agog. “You have the bloody nerve to have a go at me, when you’ve dragged Ron into your stupid suicide mission to bait Dementors? Are you actually insane? What part of that plan sounds good?”

“When she puts it like that, mate -”

“Ron can make his own decision; and he’s not scared shitless like the villagers -”

“Of course he’s scared shitless! They’re Dementors!”

“Er, ‘shitless’ is a strong word -”

“How’s your head so buried for once?! Merlin, it’s all they can talk about in the Three Broomsticks - Madam Rosmerta says it’s not natural, that they linger outside for longer than they should -”

"I wouldn’t like it either, but they’re not doing anything they’ve not been told to -”

“So you think it’s safe?” 

“- there’s a criminal on the loose, Harry; it’s a precaution -”

“You think that I’m paranoid?” 

“YES!” she all but screams in Harry’s face. 

“Well,” and suddenly Harry looks unbearably smug, “If you think it’s so safe, then you won’t mind staying out with us. They aren’t supposed to go near students, after all.” 

The wind is truly knocked out of her sails. She gapes at him, wordless.

“You can say you’re supervising us if it makes you feel better,” Harry says, beginning to grin, for he knows he’s caught her. 

And - the thing is - she doesn’t really believe what she’s saying. She doesn’t think Dementors patrolling Wizarding London are a good idea. She wants to know as much as he does just why the Ministry thinks they’re necessary, and just who this criminal is. 

But the thought of Harry and Ron, by themselves in a dingy backstreet, with the foulest Non-beings she can think of drifting around, makes her heart clench in fear. 

(She’ll say anything at this point to get them to agree to just come back to the castle -)

“Ten minutes,” she manages to get out through gritted teeth.

“An hour. C’mon Hermione,” he wheedles at her stony expression, “how can we do this without the Brightest Witch of -”

“Thirty minutes.” 

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

“FINE!” 

Hermione stomps to the far end of the alleyway, irate, wanting to be as far away from Harry James Potter as physically possible. 

“What happened to ‘Ron can make his own decision’?” Ron grumbles rhetorically into the air.

No one answers him. 

--

ao3

[linnea-bowiesversion]

Marauders and Reg group chat

Remus: who the fuck added me to the group chat?

Sirius: >:O language.

Regulus: yeah watch your fucking language.

Sirius: OKAY WHO TAUGHT REGGIE TO SAY THE FUCK WORD?!

Peter: ‘the fuck word’

James: You guys use the f word all the time??

Regulus: Merlin’s beard you don’t have to censor it.

Peter: say fuck James.

Regulus: Do it, James. Say fuck.

[yourgalgremlin]

What in the Black family madness…?

• SOS: Walburga’s doing dark magic on a03 again

[blondwhowrites]

MATTHEO being absolutely obsessed with readers clit?

Like I imagine him just prying her legs open, sliding her panties to the side and rubbing it so nicely :(

Whenver he's about to fuck her he'd make her cum so many times by just rubbing it against her clit while she whines for him to put it in!

Ior or they're in a bath relaxing after a long day and he just slides his hands down and start rubbing it, not giving a fuck if its too much :0

Absolutely frothing at the mouth YES!!!!!

It's his favorite activity 😩

And watching you squirm and whine whenever he's rubbing his tip along your entrance and clit! In a modern setting, he has several videos of him just doing that and zooming into your face to watch your reactions because that gets him off soooooo badly 😔🙌

Bro instantly perks up when you mention having a bath and he just instantly invites himself

Like you need to destress? Princess, I know exactly what you need 🫡

Proceeds to finger you senseless in the tub until you've cum at least four times

Is the type of man to just cup your pussy while he does random things—

[delineate-creates]

Day 5: Map

There was a warmth in Harry's chest, a physical thing, like the sun shining through a gap in the clouds. Of course Tom liked the map as much as Harry did. It combined two things they both loved—Hogwarts and being nosy.

From chapter 37 of @cybrid’s A Dangerous Game

[here-for-a-good-time-hopefully]

Sirius gets Remus jealous on purpose whereas James just kinda stumbles upon things that make Regulus jealous and that’s why when they go out clubbing they are absolute menaces

Like they go out and party and dance with everyone because they’re having fun and it doesn’t mean anything

Cut to remus and regulus attempting to burn down the building

[nina-scribbles]

Just some 8th years, making overdue friendships, chilling in the library. (pls click for better quality)

[or-we-could-take-a-walk-together]

Regulus: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Dorcas:

Pandora:

Evan:

Barty:

Everyone Else At Regulus’s Birthday Party:

Barty : All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

[profoundmakerdreamerss-blog]

Is it just me or we barely have any tomarry heist au's??? Like, imagine them teaming up and breaking into places — Tom doing the planning/breaking in and Harry doing the stealing and making plans on his feet if they have any problems. Imagine, everyone is after them but no one knows who they are — and they are ALWAYS successful.

[risetherivermoon]

Barty probably had a time turner because he did all of his OWLs (kinda like Hermione did) and i 100% bet that he fucked with people all the time because of it,

like,

Barty, walking into a classroom after Regulus saw him walking in the courtyard out the window:

Regulus: where the fuck did you come from?

Barty: what do you mean?

Regulus: I just saw you-

Barty: you're delusional Regulus

Regulus: I swear-

Barty: ✨delusional✨

[coldemergency]

Dumbledore: We are gathered here today to discuss a peace treaty, who would like to begin?

Voldemort: I for one would like to- what in Salazars name is touching my leg?

Harry: I thought footsies might help ease the tension a bit

[goldandglittersblog]

Lyra: *6 years old* I don't wanna die. I have kissed only one boy so far.

Draco: WHAT ?!

Lyra: Relax.It was a long time ago.

Hermione: Are you relaxed now, Draco ?

Draco: *visibly scared* I have never been more stressed out in my life.

[led-bloody-zeppelin]

hc that when james sirius started hogwarts filch would constantly be keeping an eye on him bc he was paranoid that jsp would take after his namesakes/father/uncles/pretty much the entire weasley family tbh and cause perpetual havoc around the castle. and it's so funny bc james is literally the exact opposite. like imagine him in his first year in the library studying for exam being a Model Student™ and he'll look up from his book and see filch mean mugging him from the hallway

[yourgalgremlin]

The Black Bros 🤝 P(r)etty:

They’re petty & pretty.

[honeylemonntea]

Evan: Why are you smiling?

Regulus: Why not? Can’t I just be happy

Narcissa: Lucius fell and broke his face